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helliontherapscallion · 3 years

Note

Anon who’s dog had a seizure. I wanted to be able to give a positive update, but I won’t be able to. I was woken up by a call at around 1:30am from my mom and the first thing she said was “[my dogs name] died”

I don’t know all the details, I was in a full fledge panic attack and was overcome with despair when it was either explained to me or I overheard (frankly, I don’t remember) but apparently at some point either last night or veryyyyy early this morning my mom let the dog out to use the restroom, and he collapsed again similarly to how he did two days ago. My mom rushed him to the emergency vet (a thirty minute drive) but he didn’t even make it there.

I think I was dry heaving at some point because my panic was so bad. I ended up going to the vet with my dad so I could say goodbye (he had before my mom left with the dog) and ngl, going with him did not help in the slightest. My dad has NPD and he kept making the situation about himself and I stg I was ready to throw myself out the car window in the middle of the freeway and walk the rest of the way there OOP—

I was afraid we wouldn’t be able to because of Covid, but we were allowed to all head into the vet and hold him and give proper goodbyes before they took him to be cremated (they have a partnership with some place that does all that jazz). It was rough. He’s a small dog, only 18 pounds, but just holding him felt so different. There was no resistance when I picked him up (I’m not his favorite person lol, so he’d always deadpan and shuffle away a little from me before giving in whenever i’d make grabby hands hahaha) and it was just rough.

A year and a half ago my old bird passed away in that same emergency vet, so I just felt like I was suffocating the whole time. It was basically history repeating itself and I had a ✨mental breakdown✨ while cradling the pooch. My mom almost had to drag me out 2.5 hours later because I didn’t want to leave him. I tried to be strong, he was her dog in the end and they had an unbreakable bond. I should’ve been the one comforting her, not the other way around. I totally failed lol.

Thank god I was able to go home with my mom and not my dad. I wanted to be the one to drive home so she could rest, but I didn’t have the energy to protest when I saw she was already in the drivers seat.

We’ve had him since he was a few months old. I was in first grade at the time, and despite us having a very rocky start (young me didn’t like all the attention he received bc it used to be mine) he was my lil buddy and I would have done anything for him. I was looking forward to taking my senior and graduation pictures with him soon, but it seems like that won’t be happening. I just wish I did more with him.

Sorry for rambling and being so depressing! I haven’t gotten much sleep over the past two nights so I’m really out of it.

If it’s not too much to ask for, could I have a part ii of my previous request but have it involving what I wrote above? Asdfghjkl my depressed ass needs comfort and all of my friends are in school LOL. (Thank god I was called off from school this time) Plus, I don’t wanna make my mom feel worse by adding my grief on top of her own (I hope that made sense)

Part 1

(A/N): anon, I’m so sorry to hear about your dog. From what you sent me about him, he sounded like an absolute delight to be around and a very good boy. You deserve to grieve too, even if you don’t think you should. Grieving is healthy and it’s something that shouldn’t be ignored. Everyone grieves differently, so maybe you and your mom could reminisce on the good times with him? Only if you both feel comfortable doing so of course. Please get some sleep, drink plenty of water, and eat some food if you haven’t already. My DMs are always open if you ever want to talk <3

Warnings: death of a dog and bird (mentioned), panic attacks, NPD parent mention

You were jolted awake by a loud ring from your phone laying on your nightstand. It was the ringtone you specifically set for your mom. Blinking deliriously, you answered with a raspy, “mom?”

You were only met with her choked sobs on the other end. This woke you up completely as you turned on a lamp and sat up fully in your bed, “mom what’s wrong?”

“(Dog name)...” She was unable to say your dog's name before she broke into more harsh sobbing. Worry and fear pricked your gut at the mention of your dog’s name. “What about (dog name)? What’s going on?”

“He d-died, (y/n). He isn’t suffering anymore.” You felt as if ice cold water was poured onto you as you sat staring at the wall in shock. Faintly you heard your mom telling you how it happened, but you didn’t register her words. The words that came out of your mother��s mouth were nearly incomprehensible anyways due to her distress. You didn’t know when she hung up, but the next time you looked at the phone screen your homescreen met you: a picture of you, Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy at an amusement park.

Your panic attack had escalated to you dry heaving over the toilet after puking up your dinner. You felt like you were suffocating as you remembered the techniques Techno used a few days prior. You stumbled up from a crouch and scrambled over to the sink. Your hands could barely grab the faucet and turn it on as you lost most of your sense of spatial awareness and everything you touched felt distant, like every single synapse in your body was both simultaneously working in overdrive and failing at the same time. The water was as cold as it was going to get, so you plunged your hands into the liquid and felt your body jolt at the temperature. After a while, your hands turned numb after regaining some senses back so you shakily cupped your hands under the faucet and gathered water into your hands. You splashed it at your face and felt yourself becoming more grounded as time passed.

By the time you left the bathroom, your dad gathered you into the car and started to drive you to the emergency vet. The entire time he was ranting about how you needed to pull yourself together because the dog was closer to him than to you. That definitely did not help in any way, it made you want to jump out of the car and walk the rest of the way to the vet. It would be better than having someone constantly belittling you for grieving. The ride was hell, but you persevered for (dog name). You needed to say goodbye to him.

When you left the car and walked into the building, it felt as if you were walking through the nine rings of hell with blazing infernos licking at your skin with every step. Dread and despair filled and overwhelmed you with every step.

When a nurse escorted you to the room, she offered you her condolences and left you to say goodbye. With wide eyes, you slowly walked over to your mom and saw the motionless bundle of fur in her hands. It looked like he was sleeping, but you knew better. She looked at you with so much heartbreak and sadness as tears slipped down her cheeks that you remembered that he was her dog in the end and they’ve always had an unbreakable bond. You needed to be strong for her.

Your stony facade broke the second your mom handed you (dog name). He was cold and stiff as he laid unmoving in your arms, not even trying to wiggle out of your embrace like he always did. You were never his favorite person. He felt so… different. So wrong.

Time passed around you as you held him and cried into his fur. This situation was very similar to your previous one that happened about a year and a half ago when your bird passed away and that was what finally sent you over the edge. Before you knew it, your mom was dragging you out of the building so he could get cremated. Your dad had long since gone home so he could get ready for work, so that left you to ride home with your mom. Not that you were complaining, it was certainly better than riding home with your dad. You just wished that you could drive so she could get some rest.

By time you got home, it was about the same time you would leave for school. As you were driving down your neighborhood, you saw a very familiar car pass you. It was Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy’s car. They were probably going to school. You kept your head down and stared intensely at your tightly clasped hands.

The second the car was in park in your driveway, you made a beeline for your room. For the rest of the day, you hid underneath your covers and ignored the incessant buzzing of your phone on the nightstand. You spent that time alone having a panic attack. This was your longest and most intense one yet, by the time it finally calmed down it was 10:30 at night.

You smacked your dry lips together and feel absolutely drained. The buzzing still wouldn’t let up, so you reached out with a shaky hand and opened your phone. You had at least eighty combined missed texts from Wilbur, Tommy, and Techno.

Tuesday, Innit?

Yo, the fuck’s goin on?

Why the hell did you ignore us when we passed you???

Music man take me by the hand lead me to the land

Ignore that dumbass

What’s going on? You weren’t at school today

(Y/n)?

Technology Sword

You don’t have to tell us what happened if you’re not comfortable

Just tell us if you’re okay

That was only the start of the messages in the group chat. Granted it was mostly Tommy spamming your name and Wilbur and Techno trying to get him to chill out, but some of the messages managed to calm the swirling panic inside of you slightly. Your phone buzzed as you got another text. This time, it was an individual one from Technoblade.

Technology Sword

Look out your window, grab your notebook

You raised your eyebrows slightly as you read the message. Your window was right across from Technoblade’s, so when you saw Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me” music video and showed it to Techno, you both decided that this would be your primary communication before you eventually got phones. It wasted a ton of paper, but you both felt like the main characters in a story so you kept doing it. You hadn’t done this since you got your phone and he got his.

After you grabbed your spare notebook and a sharpie, you sat up in your bed and turned on your lamp. When you opened your curtains, you saw Techno smiling at you before he grabbed his notebook and wrote ‘hello’.

You uncapped your marker, wrote ‘hi’, and shakily raised it to him. You saw him frown at your shakiness, he wrote ‘you okay?’

You stared at your paper for a bit contemplating whether or not you should tell him the truth. It was no use in lying to him, he knew you better than you knew yourself. After a moment, you wrote ‘no’.

You watched as he frowned and his eyebrows crinkled together in an upwards slant. ‘Discord?’

‘Sure’

You closed your curtains once more and opened up your PC. You could already see that Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy were in a separate voice channel. When you joined, you were startled by Tommy’s loud screaming and Wilbur’s hysterical laughter.

“WILBUR YOU PRICK WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT I WORKED SO HARD GETTING THAT NETHERITE!”

They were interrupted by a knock on Tommy’s door, “Tommy for the love of god it’s almost eleven at night kiddo. You can keep playing but please just keep it down.”

“SORRY DADZA!”

“Good job dumbass,” Wilbur chuckled.

“Hey (y/n), how’re you?” Techno’s somewhat pointed voice interrupted them. “(Y/N)! Please tell Wilbur that it’s not cool to borrow my armor and ‘accidentally’ fall into a lava lake.”

“It was an accident I swear!” Wilbur’s slight chuckle told you otherwise. “Wilbur,” your croaky and wobbly voice scolded him quietly, “not cool.”

The voice channel went silent as you logged into your shared minecraft server. You immediately spawned in the main lobby at spawn that you built the last time you logged in. You got to work gathering wood for walls you were going to build around the city. You saw Techno’s character run to you and help you gather wood.

“...You good, (y/n)?” Tommy’s voice took on an uncharacteristic level of gentleness and concern.

“‘M fine.”

After a while of silence, you heard keyboards start to click again. Gradually conversation started back up and everything felt lighthearted once more. Though, you only talked when you were prompted to. After gathering the correct amount of wood, you and Techno went back to your house so you could craft some slabs. However as you approached the crafting table, you passed your bed. Next to your bed was your pet dog, barking slightly and looking at you with it’s pixel eyes.

You could feel tears well up in your eyes at the sight of the pixelated dog. With a lump forming in your throat you struggled to breathe through it, your breaths coming out shuttering. You made quick work of muting yourself on Discord and started sobbing, the white dog staring at you sitting on top of your minecraft bed. This wasn’t a panic attack, you knew that. But you still felt overcome by a massive wave of grief.

After a bit, you saw Techno’s character pop in front of you and start hitting the air. In chat, you saw that he private messaged you ‘vc 2’

You clicked off the main voice chat and was immediately greeted by Techno’s gentle voice. “What’s goin on buddy?” He was only met with your sobs, “deep breaths.”

“I’m not having a panic attack.”

“Still, deep breaths are good. Follow me.” With that, you two worked on getting your breathing back to normal and your tears slowly stopped. The entire time he was giving you praise and gentle reassurances whenever you tried to apologize to him. By the time you stopped crying you felt almost completely drained.

“You okay now?” You hummed in confirmation, too tired to say anything. “Thank you Tech, I-I’m sorry-”

“Stop apologizing for feeling emotions. They’re one hundred percent valid… Do you feel comfortable telling me what happened?”

“I…” You trailed off as you couldn’t bring yourself to say the words out loud. “You don’t have to tell me, ya know.” Technoblade gently reminded you.

“I’ll PM it to you.” With that, you PMed him on minecraft explaining that your dog died this morning. “Fuck, I’m so sorry (y/n). I’m sure he isn’t suffering anymore. Did- did they ever find out what caused the seizures?”

“No, but… he had tons of health issues that I’m glad he doesn’t have to deal with anymore.”

“Do you wanna talk about the good times with him with Wil and Tommy? If you don’t want to we can just talk about them here.”

“Let’s rejoin the main voice channel.”

“Hey (y/n), how’re you doing?” Wilbur gently asked you. “I’m alright, do- do you guys know what happened?” They both said yes. Technoblade must’ve told them what was happening.

“(Y/n) come outside. We built something for you.” Tommy was uncharastically gentle.

When you moved to go outside of your minecraft house and Wilbur and Tommy led you to an empty spot in the city you four were building, you stopped in your tracks. In front of you built in various types of stone was a dog statue. In front of it stood a sign that read ‘in loving memory of (dog name)’.

“We aren’t done with it, but we can finish it in a couple of hours,” Wilbur mumbled into the microphone.

“No, it’s perfect as it is. I don’t know what to say guys…”

“You don’t have to say anything, just know that we’re here for you.” Tommy said, his minecraft character walking over to your own and hitting you.

“Oi, don’t hit them!” Techno punched him back and that started an all out brawl between the two. It quickly ended when Techno pulled out his fully enchanted netherite sword named ‘Orphan Obliterator’.

“Get fucked, nerd.” You could just tell Tommy was holding in screaming at his brother. “I’m not the nerd here, you’re the one that reads for fun.” Tommy retorted. You heard shuffling on Techno’s end and him walking away from his PC. You were about to ask what was happening before you heard Tommy silently scream in terror. “Oh fuck he’s coming!” You assumed that Tommy ran to lock his door. Not long after that you heard a knock, “I just wanna talk.”

“No! You-”

“I just wanna talk.”

“Let him talk, Tommy!”

“NO WILBUR.”

You heard Philza’s groggy muffled voice, “it is midnight on a Friday. I don’t care what happens or who fights who, just do it in your own rooms and do it quietly.”

“Sorry Dad,” you heard Techno’s retreating steps before he returned to his chair. “You’re a douche, Technoblade.”

“I just wanted to talk, Tommy.” At that, Techno started beating Tommy to death once more. Each time he would kill Tommy, he would give Tommy a small head start before he would find him again. While this was happening, Wilbur PMed you ‘wanna prank Tommy and Techno? I’m thinking we put chickens under their houses’.

You looked at his player and nodded. You and Wilbur got to work luring chickens into holes you dug around their bases and burying them so that they were close enough to hear, but deep enough for it to be mildly inconvenient finding them. After you two were done with that, you met at spawn again.

“Techno stop killing Tommy. We want to tell stories about (dog name).” You saw Techno’s character sprint to your group and Tommy’s come up from a hole in the ground. “I was just about to find him.”

“Thank you! God, I hate it when he does that.”

The rest of the night you four spent reminiscing on the funny things that (dog name) did over the years. At some points you even laughed along with them. After you told them that you wanted to take your senior pictures with him, Techno offered to edit him into your photos. You didn’t know when you passed out but when you woke up, you had a crick in your neck and your PC monitor was off. You could hear three sets of soft snoring on the other end of the call. You felt yourself drifting off to their gentle breathing and smiled slightly; with them, everything felt better.

#sbi x reader #sleepy bois x reader #sleepy bois inc x reader #technoblade x reader #wilbur soot x reader #tommyinnit x reader #mcyt x reader #dream smp x reader #sbi family au #requests #hellion's requests #tw: panic attack #tw: anxiety #tw: animal death #tw: animal injury #tw: swearing

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forsakenoathkeeper · 3 years

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I Am Alive (chapter 30/?)

Chapter 30: Where the Skies End

Deviant!Connor[RK800] x (fem!)Reader Rated M(18+) for canon-typical violence and gore, medical procedures, and graphic sexual content

Chapters: 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 • 12 • 13 • 14 • 15 • 16 • 17 • 18 • 19 • 20 • 21 • 22 • 23 • 24 • 25 • 26 • 27 • 28 • 29 • 30 • more coming soon

[ You can also read on AO3 ]

Unsurprisingly, and much to your frustration, Connor had finished the move without you. There might not have been much left to move at that point; but, it was your stuff at a house that you rented, and not Connor's responsibility in the slightest.

But, there was no telling the android that, and you knew that he would have been well equipped with plenty of reasons as to why he could handle the rest of the move alone: you needed rest, he didn't require sleep, etc, etc.

When you stepped off the elevator into the android's - and now your - apartment, Connor had a look on his face, as if you had come home for the first time in years. You had only spent a week at Hank's place, and only a day and some odd hours at the hospital prior to that, and Connor had been nearly inseparable from you the entire time; yet, it felt like ages since you had been here.

It was only then that the weight of your near death experience became apparent. Before, your life, or the loss of it, wouldn't have impacted anyone else. It was just you in that little house, trying to make a living, picking up the pieces of a war and watching humanity change astronomically.

Now, there was a life that would be changed if you were gone. You let yourself imagine how Connor would cope, what would become of him, and struggled to keep the sorrow to yourself.

Perhaps, for the first time in your life, you knew what it was like to be needed.

Your wound healed remarkably in the weeks that followed. The scar left behind was star shaped and your skin was darkened around the sunken surface. But, you didn't find yourself hating it as much as you thought you would.

It wasn't something you looked at with pain or regret, but rather something prideful. Maybe there was something masochistic about it, not that you found yourself bothered by that realization.

Your coworkers thought it looked 'pretty cool' and declared that it made you 'quite the badass'. Now, you could wear the badge of 'I've been shot', with a bizarre story to tell. You didn't care if people thought it was strange, letting yourself get shot for an android.

Connor was much more than 'just' an android. He was the man you loved, who carried an astronomical burden you could barely understand. Sure, you could judge the weight, the pressure; but, you, an ordinary human, couldn't possibly understand what he felt as the target of a revolution that would change humanity forever.

The thoughts became clearer as you and Connor stepped into Haven for the last time, and you took in the emptiness, the quiet, and the cold.

"One moment," Connor advised you, stepping away and into the open space in the center of the room.

RK800, like all androids, had no true sense of temperature. Connor couldn't feel cold the way humans did. His artificial skin wasn't going to prickle with goosebumps and his muscles wouldn't shiver from the discomfort.

His HUD could report the weather if he enabled it and he had various feedback modules to inform him of how the temperature would affect a human, with the rightful assumption one would be in his presence.

Yet, despite this very well known limitation of his being, Connor couldn't explain how he managed to feel so cold as he stood there in the very abandoned Haven.

He was aware that warmth could be metaphorical, symbolic of belonging and comfort. His sense of cold was both literal and figurative in this sense. Without any machines running, all the lights turned off, Haven had become very cold. The halls, once busy with androids, were now empty, and the building was silent if not for the creaking walls.

-until someone walked through the distant corridor, their quiet footsteps rattling in Connor's acute hearing module.

There was an apology on the tip of Connor's tongue when he caught the sight of Markus. However, the RK200's stare wasn't cold or untrusting. There was something undeniably regretful on his face, conveying sympathy to the fellow android.

Markus' mismatched eyes caught the sight of you over Connor's shoulder, and spared a sad expression.

The two androids had agreed to meet here, for the last time in circumstances like this, hopefully. Once the final bill was passed, and androids would be proper citizens, there would be no need for this.

However, Connor had yet to obtain a definitive lead on Reaves' accomplices. This, at the very least, could provide some security for the androids that came before him.

"I know you didn't want me to," Markus began. "But, I will tell them it's from you. They should know."

"It's... your choice," Connor replied quietly, hoping to mask the uncertainty in his tone.

The two androids took each other's wrists, pushing the fabric of their jackets out of the way to touch skin to skin. Connor knew that Markus trusted him. He took the file without even bothering to scan it first. Only once it was already saved on his local system did he bother to analyze it.

The detective android had worked on that during your recovery week, while he laid beside you in low power mode. He reviewed the log files on his internal firewall over a thousand times, and crafted additional security protocols, specifically designed around write protection. Factory defaults, if he could help it, would be near impossible.

Markus could share this new code with other androids. If Connor failed to stop it in time, at the very least, their memory modules would be protected from brute force attacks, cyberlife certified or otherwise.

As their hands parted, Connor seemed to understand why he felt so cold. He had grown accustomed to how your skin felt - how human skin felt. Even when you weren't acutely aware of it, you were always warm.

"You're one of us," Markus declared, his hand dropping to his side. "We couldn't have done this without you. Your sacrifices need to be known."

"Sacrifices," Connor parroted quietly, doubtful.

He thought about Reaves' disbelief, at how he prioritized saving your life over securing the future of his kind. He could have killed you, carried on the mission, secured all of the chips and brought the android protestors to absolute surrender.

But, he didn't.

Before you, what had he gambled, if not his own life? A life that, by the very words of his creators, didn't exist, was meaningless, just programs executed in succession. He had questioned the very existence of his own life, but so had every android before him.

Still, the determined look on Markus' face didn't falter.

"Until we meet again," he offered, nodding at his fellow android. His eyes landed on yours before he turned away, and you offered him a sad, small wave.

As Connor passed, he took his hand in yours and guided you out of the building with careful steps. It was unnecessary to bring you here, but he understood the importance of goodbyes, and didn't want you to believe your efforts here had been in vain.

You expected to be driven home after that; however, as you climbed into the car, Connor asked, "would it be alright if we went to the park for some fresh air?"

"-'course," you replied softly, shifting your gaze from the android's face to look out the window.

Connor was uncharacteristically quiet during the drive, his hands gripping the steering wheel in a death lock. You didn't pay much mind to it, figuring he was stressed after everything that had happened. You had been the one on death's door; yet, Connor was the one seemingly always on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

It was worrying; but, you knew he needed to work through it in his own way.

At the park, Connor had hoped you would head straight for the bridge, to a place you had cherished so much. If his research was accurate, this needed to be done at a special place. As he followed you slowly up the curve, feet tapping against the boards, a wave of doubt washed over him.

You looked stunning, standing upright for the first time in weeks, with pep in your step, the sun soaking up your hair. Could he really have this? Could he even think himself allowed for such a thing? Could an android truly understand the needs of a human?

"You alright?" you called out to him, pausing before you reached the apex of the bridge.

It snapped him out of his stupor, and Connor replied softly, "I'm fine."

You continued and he followed, counting the steps despite how unnecessary it was. The android knew he had never been this scared in his life. This type of sensation was really, really unpleasant. His processors were giving him ridiculous warnings that didn't pertain at all to the situation.

He shut off the alerts and met you at the top of the bridge. His hand slid over the railing, analyzed the material as a strong timber, coated with a lacquer color called 'cedar brown', manufactured by-

Connor quickly closed the analyzed results, realizing how pointless that was. He was distracting himself, busying his processor with his manufactured purpose to avoid something he was definitely not made for.

At the top of the bridge, you turned to the man standing beside you, just in time to see him deactivate his human skin. His gaze met yours, and you smiled at the sight of RK800, as he was made, without the imitation of human-likeness.

For a moment, he stood there and let the heat of the sunlight catch on his sensor processors. The human tone of his factory issued skin flickered back on briefly before shutting back off, as Connor mentally questioned if he should do it like this.

The sudden nervous expression on his face, and his flickering pallet, had you concerned. In the sunlight, you could catch the subtle flaws in the design of his optics: the faint glimmer of a camera lens hidden beneath the almost perfect human appearance.

"Are you sure you're okay?" you asked, suddenly reaching for him. Your hand fell into the curve of his elbow.

"There's-" Connor began, stopping himself when a jogger passed the bridge. He was silent until they were gone.

"There's something important I need to ask you," Connor explained, his voice quiet and hoarse. "I'm sorry for not being more forthcoming. I was afraid."

Despite the obvious implications of what that question was, your head swarmed with the worst possibilities. The detective android, who had stormed a building of armed men to rescue you, who never hesitated to take a bullet for anyone, was afraid of something?

"Connor," you murmured, his name falling from your lips without purpose. The concern, however, was heavy in your tone.

"Before I ask, you need to know that you can refuse. There is no obligation, despite what we have been through. I won't hold any negative feelings towards you. From my research, this is premature, and I apologize for that," Connor babbled.

"What?" you blurted. "Connor, what are you - what's wrong?" you insisted, pitch rising as you started to panic.

"Nothing is wrong," he replied sharply.

He stepped back, just enough to create a few inches between you. You watched him reach into his coat pocket and pull out a small box. Mind hazy with the aftermath of Reaves' attack, you feared Connor was going to present you with evidence, that the case had taken a dangerous turn, or even inform you with the worst possible news.

But, then, Connor, cupping the small box in his palm, knelt down onto one knee. He looked up at you, brown eyes bright in the sunlight, android skin white as freshly fallen slow, failing to conceal the crease in his brow as worry sank in. The box opened, but you were too focused on his face to bother looking inside.

"Will you marry me?"

You could have laughed, at yourself, really, for thinking he was going to talk to you about Reaves, about factory-resetting computer chips, and the potential downfall of androids.

Instead, you let out a choked gasp. It was pathetically wet and embarrassingly loud. It all came pouring out before you could even think to stop it. Connor's nervous expression melted into panic when you started crying hysterically.

He was shifting to stand up, an apology hot on his tongue. He could feel his processors heating up, threatening to lock up at the sight of your tear-soaked face. It had his internal processes soaring, questioning if he had misinterpreted your relationship, your feelings for him.

You flung yourself into him before he could stand up, knocking the jewelry box right out of his hand. It clattered noisily on the bridge. If Connor was human, he would have followed; but, he was sturdy and, even unprepared, managed to stay upright as you crashed into him. His knees hit the bridge and his hands cautiously cupped your back.

"Yes!" you cried out, pressing your cheek into his coat, some odd centimeters from his thirium pump.

Your arms squeezed at his back, hands clawing into the thick fabric of his coat. Connor was unmoving, stiff where you clung to him. The artificial movements he made to appear more human had ceased, and you briefly feared he had powered down.

"Yes," you declared again, softer this time, squeezing him even tighter.

Finally, his systems relented and he properly relayed to his processor what you had just said. His arms wound around your back and, for the first time in weeks, Connor hugged you tightly, as if he wasn't afraid that he might hurt you. You could feel the tightening of his fingers tugging at your blouse, the thirium pump in perfect beats inside his chassis.

"Yes," you said again.

His cheek fell against your hairline and he closed his eyes. He wanted to dig his fingers past the fabric of your clothes, to feel your skin in a hopeless attempt to interface. Even if he could only reach your body, even if your mind was out of reach, that was good enough.

"Yes," again.

For now, the ring laid forgotten in its case, the jewelry box sitting some odd feet away, flipped on its side.

#rk800 x reader #connor x reader #deviant connor x reader

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samanthadalton · 3 years

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Star Crossed Lovers (part 14)

Do my eyes deceive me???? part 14???? we did it. im so sorry its taken forever, i will try my best to be more consistent with my writing. love yall for being patient with me it means the most. thank you, thank you.

warnings: throughout this fic there will be mentions of substance abuse, homophobia, sexual abuse, violence, NSFW, mentions of abandonment, depression and death including suicide

reader discretion is advised

warnings: angst, swearing (lots of it)

taglist: @drmmyrs @cloud9in @somewillwin @save-me-the-last-dance @baexpoppy @stanzoeywade @ognenniyvolk @thepotatobleh @crazzyplays @fall3ngods @helpconfusedpersonhere @clowneryme @dopeyouth @boys-girls-i-cant-help-it-baby @vonda-b-real @uselesslesbianfr @veenast @cloakanddaggerthings @somethindarker (sorry again if ive missed anyone, if you wanna be added on this taglist or my general one just let me know 😊)

word count: 4k (i feel like its short considering how long it took me to write but i still hope you guys enjoy) (also i didnt check for grammatical errors properly so sorry if you find any)

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 part 10 part 11 part 12 part 13

The first steps to moving on

“Bea please,” Poppy whispers, a repentant look creeping up to her face as she looks away from her girlfriend. “It can’t wait.”

Bea sighs, her shoulders slumping as the last remains of her anger disseminates from her body. “Okay fine, lead the way babe.”

Poppy stiffens that the pet name but she doesn’t let her awkwardness slip as she leads Bea to a secluded classroom, far away from prying eyes. Both her and Bea turn to look at each other, and both simultaneously open their mouths to talk.

“I know you wanted to tell-”

“We need to talk-”

Both clamp their lips shut, a mutual smile playing on their lips as they look at one another.

“You go first,” Poppy gestures towards Bea, as she moves to sit on the edge of a desk.

Bea inhales softly, her tongue darts out licking her lips as she looks down at the ground, her face calculating. “Why does Chloe hate me?” She looks up to Poppy, her eyes boring into the strawberry blonde’s, sadness swimming inside of them, “I just don’t get what I’ve done for her to hate me.”

Poppy sighs heavily, her eyes awkwardly darting away from Bea’s. “It’s complicated Bea.”

“Complicated?” Bea lets out a humourless laugh, “I almost just went off on Chloe after she gave her condolences for my mom dying because I just felt she wasn’t genuine and you wanna tell me it's complicated?”

Poppy sharply inhales, contemplating for a few moments before saying, “it’s because of your mom.”

Bea scrunches her brows up in confusion, “my mom? What the hell does she have to do with this?”

Poppy ineptly plays with her hands, not being able to look Bea in her eyes, “at first it was just a classist thing. When you first came to Belvoire, she just wanted to make herself feel superior over you, but in the last year you’ve noticed her getting more mean right?”

“Right.” Bea stares at Poppy, her expression emotionless.

“Chloe’s parents have been fighting non stop recently, and it’s been affecting her a lot.”

Bea’s brows furrow in confusion, “what does that have to do with me or my mom?”

“Just let me explain first before you react, please.” Bea’s eyes bore into Poppy’s for a few seconds before she nods understandingly. “Her dad cheated on her mom. A lot of times actually. But he was blackmailed by one of the women he slept with.” Poppy pauses for a few seconds, “your mom.”

Bea lets out a shaky breath, her eyes blinking in disbelief, “no, you’re lying.”

Poppy nervously bites her bottom lip, “look Bea-”

“How long have you known?”

Poppy’s face scrunches up in anger, “this isn’t my fault Bea. I only found out that day I went to talk to Chloe about us. Chloe made me promise not to say anything to you-”

“Poppy! My mom OD and I don’t even know why. And now you’re telling me she was blackmailing the St James family and it doesn’t occur to you that might have had something to do with her death?”

“They’re not the fucking mafia Bea, jesus. They were trying to settle it quietly by giving your mom some money and make her sign some stuff so she couldn't threaten them anymore.”

The devastating ramification of Poppy’s admission hangs in the air as the two girls let the words settle into them. “Chloe really is sorry about your mom Bea, we all are.”

Bea sighs, staring off into space, as a few tears begin to fill up in her eyes. “I just don’t know what to do.” Bea begins sniffling, but Poppy makes no movement to console her girlfriend. Bea notices and her expression sobers, “so, uh what did you wanna tell me?” Bea sniffs a few more times, before looking up at Poppy, giving her a small encouraging smile.

Poppy looks away, guilt creeping up on her face, as she tries her damndest not to catch Bea’s small smile on her face. “Bea…”. Bea carefully assesses her girlfriend’s demeanour, noticing the similar body language during when they first asked to take a break, she thinks back to the last couple of days, she had barely heard from her girlfriend, and now she’s not affectionate, even after she almost had a mental breakdown in the middle of the hallway and her smile drops. “We have to break up,” Poppy says, her tone so monotone and dry as if she didn’t mean the words she was saying at all.

“I don’t understand,” is all Bea can muster, evidently hurt by Poppy’s admission. Poppy winces slightly at Bea’s tone, finally breaking her robotic demeanour as she lets out a few sniffles. “So is that it? We have to break up,” Bea retorts mockingly, “is that all I get after all these years?”

“Bea..” Poppy reaches out but Bea immediately takes a step back, tears flooding in her eyes.

“No,” she holds her hands up, “I don’t get it, things are going good, or at least whatever twisted definition of good we’ve made up. Where the hell did this come from?”

“Bea my dad-”

“Of course! Hayden Min fucking Sinclair had something to do with this. Why do you still live under his shadow? You talk all this shit about breaking out of your father’s prison and wanting to achieve your own goals but he sucks you back in.”

“That’s not fair Bea,” Poppy interjects, balling her hands up into fists in an attempt to subdue her trembling, “my dad has given me so much and he’s threatening to take it all away.”

“Yeah, all you have to do is get rid of me. Me or the Min Sinclair name.”

“Bea this is the life I have, okay I’m not like you, I’m not built like you.”

“So what? I can grow up without a dad and now without a mom but it’s okay because I’m used to pain and disappointment?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, you have a plan, things you can achieve, I need the Min Sinclair name, I’m nothing without it.”

“Wow.” Bea shakes her head, “So I just meant nothing?” Bea wildy throws her arms in the air, anger bubbling under the surface of her demeanour. “We’ve practically been together since we were kids. And you’re just gonna fucking throw that away? And for what? Fuck you Poppy.”

Poppy takes half a step back, dumbfounded by Bea’s outburst. She scrunches her brows, evidently hurt, “you don’t get it Bea. Even though your mom wasn’t the best, she still supported you, even if you didn’t know about it. My dad he- my mom what would she think?”

“Your mom? Poppy what kind of shit is your dad brainwashing you with? Your mom is dead! You have no idea how she would react to having a gay daughter, but I know she’s probably disappointed in you.”

“Fuck you Bea.”Poppy runs out of the classroom, tears streaming down her face, leaving Bea on her own.

“Shit,” Bea whispers to herself before throwing a bunch of punches at the wall, each more cathartic than the last until she can’t physically hold herself up anymore. Bea defeatedly slides into a chair, cradling her head in between her hands, letting the tears free fall, as reality begins setting in that she lost the one thing in the world that was her everything. Poppy Min Sinclair was her rock, the girl who she gave her heart to, the love of her life and just in a matter of moments it was over. Maybe it was too good to be true. The beautiful, perky popular rich girl and the girl who had almost nothing, complete polar opposites, it never should’ve worked. But time and time again when faced against the world they persevered so why was this time different? Poppy had chosen her namesake over the love of her life. She chose the life of glitz and glamour over the girl who gave her her entire heart. Bea feels her entire world crashing down, how much more heartbreak could she take? Was her life always going to be so hard? So full of hurt? Full of pain? She winces at the thought, her head hammering as she comes to the realisation that she understood her mother’s pain more than she thought.

….

Bea hops off her bike, parking it in front of her house, as she pulls her phone out to look at the time. ‘It’s lunch time,’ she thinks to herself. After the day she had today, school wasn’t the best option for her right now. She makes her way to her front door but stops in her tracks when she realises her front door is slightly ajar. Her survival instincts kick in as she effortlessly pulls out her pocket knife, carefully pushing the door fully open. As she steps into the living room, her eyes dart to the closed door of her mother’s room, but when she hears a creaking sound coming towards her bedroom, she cautiously moves towards the source of the noise, the grip on her knife tightening. As she creeps up, she sees the door of her room half opened, a hooded figure standing by her bed with their back facing her.

Bea stealthily sneaks up to the figure placing the knife a few inches from their throat before lowering her voice to a threatening tone, “who are you and what the fuck are you doing?” The figure gasps, dropping a bag that’s in their hands with a deafening thud before raising their hands in a sign of surrender.

“It’s me, it’s me,” the voice whimpers out.

“AJ?” Bea raises her eyebrows, retracting the knife from his throat while pulling down his hood with her other hand. “What the fuck are you doing?” Bea takes a step back while AJ scrambles grabbing the bag he just dropped moments before. When he turns to face Bea, his eyes are wide, filled with fear as he clutches the bag closely to his chest.

“I have to go,” he says as he attempts to run out of the room, but Bea pulls him back, her face crumpled in suspicion.

“No we’re not doing this, give me the bag now,” Bea snatches the bag out of his hands before he can protest and opens the zipper to find it filled with cash. She grits her teeth, anger settling into her features as she whips her head up to AJ, “is this my fucking money?”

“Bea, I- I can explain-”

“What the fuck AJ!” Bea throws the bag onto the bed, the cash spilling out as she jabs an accusing finger at AJ’s chest. “You’re stealing from me now? I haven’t seen you in god knows how long, you don’t call, text nothing. Even after everything that’s been happening in the last few weeks but you have the audacity to fucking steal from me? Money that I’ve spent years saving? Money that I’ve bussed my fucking ass off for, are you serious right now?” Bea’s voice is filled with rage as she’s practically screaming, her voice now thundering. AJ winces, guiltily averting his gaze to the ground, unable to meet Bea’s eyes.

“I’m sorry about your mom Bea, I wanted to visit-” AJ croaks out.

“But you didn’t,” Bea interjects, her voice lowered but filled with hurt. “And now you’re taking money- I mean what is so important you had to steal from me.”

AJ paces towards the bed, hanging his head in shame, when he speaks his voice is quiet, full of fear, “I’m in some bad shit Bea. These guys aren’t playing around.”

“I told you not to fall into the wrong crowd, I warned you this shit would happen.”

“Bea please, I’ll pay you back I just need it.”

“No! What the fuck, when will you pay me back huh? This is my college money, I’m not letting you give that away to your crackhead friends.”

“Bea please,” AJ clasps his hands together, his tone pleading, “I don’t know what to do.”

“AJ I have too much shit on my plate right now, I can’t deal with this. You need to find something else, I can’t help you.”

AJ’s face pales but he stands up, and makes his way towards the door, before leaving he turns to look back at Bea, “I’m sorry about everything.”

Bea keeps her eyes trained on her bed where the money is sprawled all over the mattress, “yeah me too,” she replies quietly. Bea hears the front door close and she collapses to the ground, letting the tears flow.

……

A few days later, Bea sits in her dark living room, curtains shut and lights completely off as she wallows in her sadness, drinking from a bottle of cheap beer, as she stares absentmindedly at the ceiling, so drowned in her thoughts she doesn’t hear the resounding knocks on her door until she hears a voice call out, “Bea! Are you there?”

Bea crumples her brows, forcing herself to stand as she makes her way to the door, she wearily makes her way to her front door only slightly opening the door before poking her head out. “Veronica?” Veronica gives the girl a wide smile before pushing the door more open, ushering the figure behind her into the house too, “Carter? What are you guys doing here?’

Veronica looks around the dark room, noticing the pile of empty beer bottles on the floor, “yikes, drinking on your own on a friday night Hughes? That’s really sad.” Carter stands near the edge of the living room, as if he’s an explorer, his eyes darting all over the living room as he assesses this new environment.

Bea on the other hand scowls at Veronica, “what the hell do you want Veronica, I’m not in the mood.”

Veronica frowns slightly, pouting her lips together, “we heard about you and Poppy.”

Bea rolls her eyes, “yeah well I’m trying to forget about her.” Bea picks up her beer bottle from the ground and makes a show by exaggeratingly drinking from the bottle until it's empty. She discards the empty bottle along with the other ones before turning to look at Veronica and Carter, “so if you’ll excuse me.”

Veronica steps towards Bea, wrapping her hand around the brunette’s arm, “we’re not here for Poppy stupid, we’re here for you.”

Bea raises an eyebrow, “for me?”

Veronica turns to look at Carter, beckoning him forward, Carter breaks out of reverie and clears his throat, “yeah uh, we wanted to take you to a party.”

“A party?” Bea looks between them confused, “I’m not that interested guys.”

“Wait, wait, wait Bea,” Veronica pleads, pulling Bea closer to her, “you’ve never been to a Belvoire party and the year is almost over, we thought we should take you to at least.”

“I don’t know guys,” Bea says skeptically, “a lot of people don’t like me.”

“Who gives a shit? You just had your heart broken and you need to let loose.”

Bea sighs, pulling away from Veronica, “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Come on, it beats drinking in the dark on your own.”

Bea sighs, dropping her shoulders, “what about uh Poppy?”

“Poppy?” Veronica arches a brow, “her and Chloe are staying in tonight, she said she needed to catch up on homework or something.”

Bea purses her lips together in thought before sighing, “fine.” Veronica cheers, “but,” Bea over enunciates, “only for a few hours and if I don’t like it I’m going home.”

“Okay, deal,” Veronica squeals, wrapping Bea in a big hug. Carter chuckles as Veronica gestures for him to join the hug, he awkwardly wraps his arms around the two girls, before pulling away.

“Okay, I’ll wait in the car while you girls get ready. Just uh don’t take too long.”

Veronica playfully rolls her eyes as she Bea towards her bedroom, yelling back “thanks Carter.” Giddy, she rushes to Bea’s closest, assessing her clothes until she finds a short red dress hidden in the back. “This!”

“No, no, no,” Bea shakes her head, pulling the dress out of the ombre-haired girl’s hands.

“Why not? It would look so hot on you,” Veronica’s eyes trail down Bea’s body, as she sharply inhales. “Bea, you’re single and sexy, stop holding yourself back okay?”

“I’m not,” Bea pushes back defensively, “I just-” she sighs heavily, “no one at Belvoire has ever seen me dressed up, I’m just- I’m nervous I guess.”

“Then we have to show them what they’ve been missing for the last three years,” Veronica gives Bea a devilish smile as she takes the dress from Bea’s hands, sliding the dress off the hanger before handing it over to Bea.

“Uh you gonna stay in the room?” Bea nervously wrings her hands together.

“Why, are you offering a show?” Veronica lifts a teasing brow, noticing Bea’s cheeks redden slightly, which prompts her to let out a small laugh, “I’m kidding, don’t worry I won’t look.” Veronica makes a show of raising her hands to cover her eyes. Bea laughs as she slips out of her clothes and into the dress, she awkwardly clears her throat, grabbing Veronica’s attention.

“Hey, uh help a girl out with her zipper?”

“Sure,” Veronica moves to stand behind Bea, her hands ghosting around Bea’s exposed back, her breath momentarily taken away. She sturdies herself and places one of her hands on the small of the brunette’s back while the other moves towards the zipper, zipping the girl up. Bea smooths the dress down with her hands appreciating herself in the mirror, “you look gorgeous,” Veronica whispers into the shell of her ear.

Bea’s face completely flushes red and slightly jerks at Veronica’s admission, “uhh thanks.”

Veronica notices the awkward shift in the atmosphere, and promptly changes the subject, “so where’s your sister?”

Bea sits in front of her mirror, a comb in her hand as she brushes her long locks, “she’s staying at a friend’s tonight.”

“Cool,” Veronica answers back but her tone falls flat. The girls bask in the awkward silence as Bea continues to get ready but when Veronica notices Bea struggling to do her winged eyeliner she breaks the silence. “Hey do you need help?”

Bea smiles bashfully, “yeah.” She rubs the back of her head with her hand, “sorry Poppy used to help me with my makeup.”

“Right,” Veronica’s face slightly falls but she quickly covers it up, ushering Bea to come and sit on the bed. “Come on, I don’t bite,” Veronica bites the bottom of her lip, “unless you want me too.” Bea laughs but obliges sitting on the edge of the bed. Veronica clambers onto her lap, her thighs settling on the sides of Bea’s legs, and in response, Bea’s eyes widen in surprise but she remains glued in her spot, too shocked to move.

“V, what are you doing?” Bea whispers, her voice attempting to come across as reprimanding but it comes out as breathy.

“Relax, I’m just doing your eyeliner.” Veronica plucks the wand from Bea’s hand and angles herself close to the brunette’s face, as she begins drawing on the wings on Bea’s eyelids. Bea steadies herself, as she feels the heat of Veronica’s body so close to hers and when Veronica is finished with putting the finishing touches on her eyelids, she hops off Bea’s lap, making her way towards the desk, scuffling through Bea’s makeup bag before taking up her place on Bea’s lap once again. “Now I think this colour would look good on you,”

“You don’t think it’s too much red?”

“Oh babe, red means power, dominance, you don’t wanna be thinking about Poppy the entire night, you wanna have all eyes on you Bea Hughes.” Veronica uncaps the lipstick, her eyes burning into Bea’s lips as she carefully applies the red colour to her lips. “Perfect.”

Bea smacks her lips together, evenly spreading the red on her lips. “Thanks V.”

Veronica’s eyes dart to Bea’s lips, her tongue slightly running along her bottom lips before she breaks out of her reverie flashing Bea a smirk, “don’t thank me yet, thank me when you’re having the time of your life at the party.” Veronica slides off Bea’s lap, holding her hand out, “come on let’s finish up because Carter’s been waiting for a while.” Bea smiles up at Veronica, taking her hand as she lets the ombre-haired girl pull her off the bed, as they continue getting ready.

………

Once they arrive at the party, Carter drops the girls off at the front of the huge house before telling them he will park the car. Veronica’s gaze darts to Bea, who’s nervously toying with her hands, looking up at the intimidating house, the lights blaring and as the music echoes throughout, the bass thumping in their ears. Noticing the nerves settling into her, Veronica slips into Bea's, giving her a reassuring squeeze, “hey, it’s okay, it’s just a bunch of drunk, preppy uptight teenagers, nothing you don't usually face everyday.”

Bea lets out a small laugh, “just in a big ass house,” she jests.

“Yeah, just in a big ass house,” she gives Bea a light squeeze as she starts pulling Bea into the house with her. Automatically, they’re met with stares and whispers, as the students look astonished at Bea, some appraising her outfit, while others are confused about her presence. “Hey, just stay with me okay?” Veronica whispers over to Bea. Bea nods, her eyes roaming the room. “I’ll get us drinks.” The ombre-haired girl gives Bea a reassuring pat on her arm and leaves her side and Bea walks into the living room, observing the difference between the vibes of the party between the north and the south. Her thoughts then move to think about Poppy, how Poppy would love going to parties in the north but Bea couldn’t find the appeal in it. Poppy. Poppy, who broke up with her. She’s interrupted from her thoughts by a tap of her shoulder, and Bea turns around to see Veronica offering her a red solo cup, Bea takes a sip and winces.

“What the hell is this crap?”

“Yeah for a bunch of rich kids, their taste in beer isn’t the best,” Veronica jokes, slightly nudging Bea.

“We have way better beer in the south side.”

“That I can agree with.” Veronica looks over to Bea who looks lost in thought, “hey what are you thinking about?”

Bea sighs heavily, “Poppy,” she mutters.

Veronica nods once, “right, yeah.”

“Poppy would’ve loved a party like this, big fancy house an-”

“Bea,” Veronica says, her tone slightly agitated, “this,” she gestures around the room, “is a no Poppy zone. That means we don’t think about Poppy, only about fun.”

Bea nods, “fun. I can do that.” Veronica lifts her cup in the air, “what are we cheering to?”

Veronica gives Bea a smile, “here’s to the first steps in moving on.” The girls tap their cups together before downing their drinks. “Now if we wanna get drunk, we’re gonna need a lot more of these.”

The party is still ongoing, and Bea sits in a circle with a few girls from the volleyball team and a few of the football team and other people she doesn’t recognise while Veronica sits beside her.

“Bea you look so pretty,” one of her teammates says.

“Yeah Bea your makeup is literally gorgeous,” another chimes in.

“Who knew strip tease can clean up well,” Ford jests, but Bea slumps her shoulders a little, remembering that these people are not her friends.

Carter enters the circle slapping Ford on the head as he goes, “shut up, Hughes is cool.” Bea gives Carter a nod of appreciation before looking down at the drink in her hands. Her thoughts move a million miles a minute, but there’s a constant one stuck in her brain, Poppy.

Veronica looks over at Bea, frowning. “Hey come with me.” She stands, excusing herself from the group and Bea follows her close behind.

“Where are we going?”

“We’re gonna play a private game of truth or drink.”

#playchoices #queen b #poppy min sinclair #poppy x mc #star crossed lovers #thank you for waiting #i promise to be more consistent #love you guys

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emiruem · 3 years

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I was telling this hitsukarin AU to Abby, but then I realized that it seemed to have become just a mountain of text, although at the beginning I was just explaining the concept. I'm not a writer and I have big problems with language, but I wanted to tell this story ahhabahahah.

An adult Karin, who became a member of the women's football team of the Japanese national team, therefore, often tours to different countries.

She hadn't seen Toshiro since high school, when he helped her protect the city from the empty ones when Ichigo lost his strength. She was in love with him ( but of course they both never realized that their feelings were mutual)

After Toshiro left, then she decided that she would forget these feelings and move on with her life. Then she started dating one of her childhood friends, they studied together and he was in love with her for a long time too.... they had a long relationship

One day during the football cup, which was held in Korea, Karin realizes that she is pregnant with her boyfriend's child. For this reason, she decides to skip the season and return to Karakura.

At the same time, General Shunsui decides that it is time for the soul society to change in order to lag so far behind the human world, but for now this is only his initiative and he needs to discuss a lot of things with the council 46 later, so he sends captains who have lived in the human world for some time ( captains-vayzards and Toshiro) to prepare reports on the human world, which will allow the general to convince the council 46.

Karin returns to Karakura and when she comes home, she realizes that her boyfriend is cheating on her with some other girl while she is away for work.

and...karin is hysterical from the fact that the person with whom she lived for so long betrayed her, and she is also pregnant from him and does not know what to do, she has already told yuzu about the pregnancy and is already afraid that ichigo and her father will think about all this. She has nowhere to go because she absolutely will not return to this guy in their shared apartment so she returns to the kurosaki house where there is no one.

Ishshin went to Naruki for a medical samet, Yuzu lives with Jzinta in another place and Karin does not want to bother them, Ichigo and Rukia are now in the soul society.She simply locks herself in "her former room" and succumbs to hysteria and apathy.

Her ex-boyfriend calls her constantly, but she does not receive these calls because she does not want to hear anything from him.

She hears the doorbell ring and thinks that most likely it was he who came. Therefore, she loudly shouts "get out, I'm even sick of seeing your face" through the door.

In response, she hears Toshiro's voice: "I knew that so much time had passed and you wouldn't want to see me"

she is surprised to understand who exactly came.... in even greater hysteria, she slowly opens the door looks into toshiro's face, not understanding what is happening at all

He sees her and understands that everything in her life is "WELL, NOT OKAY AT ALL" his feelings, which have only grown and grown so much over the years that he came to see her right after he received his gigai, were greatly inflamed in his chest from anger at something that caused her such obvious mental harm.

She let him into the house because she just couldn't do it any other way. she told him well, in general, everything that happened because she just couldn't do it any other way. She needed to tell at least someone this, he just listened to her and she knew that he would not condemn her for her situation and story.

She end with the questions " what should I do now, Toshiro ? This child, what should I do with him?

* a moment of emotional tension*

Toshiro comes up to her and hugs her , he says that since he is here now, he can't leave it as it is, he will help her in everything that will be in his power.

He almost says, " I can stay and be close to you and this child". He already loves Karin and knows that he will love the child that will be born to her. In addition, his mission is very long and he can afford to stay close to her for at least the next 10 years in the most difficult period. Of course he has nothing in this world and he will have to try very hard to have a child and take care of Karin.

Karin understands exactly what Toshiro means and cannot reject him... she is afraid of being left alone and losing her first love again, his embrace is warm and his presence really gives her confidence that everything will be fine with her and her child.

Toshiro calms Karin and gives her a sense of security and tenderness that she has been missing for a long time in past relationships.

She is already beginning to believe that she will live quite happily with Toshiro , who told her about his mission and completely showed his true feelings for her.

That guy also appears soon, but Toshiro will send him away with the phrase " you are not worthy of being the father of the child that Karin will give birth to"

it even comes to a fight....but what is the point of a person fighting with a trained shinigami and everything is fine BUT

one day, Toshiro wakes up in their already new rented apartment from a scream

Karin, screaming in pain, wakes him up and says that she urgently needs a doctor, Toshiro is horrified to see blood flowing down her legs. Terrified, he still calls an ambulance and tries to use therapeutic kido to help Karin

Karin still loses consciousness and is admitted to the Isida's hospital. Genicologists and obstetricians diagnose "miscarriage provoked by a strong nervous and hormonal breakdown" while there was also a " threat of death of a woman in labor"

Toshiro can only wait at the intensive care unit with a stony face, but internally realizing that now most likely there is going on in horror that now he can lose both Karin and their child, he just sits silently completely in shock

Abby s point:(totes unrelated note but what if she dies but he can't go back to soul society because of his mission, by the time he goes back to ss, she's already with family, without any memory of her living days anyway )

He no longer even believes that everything will end well, because he is primarily a shinigami and understands when people are on the edge of life and death.

When the operation was just over and Karin was still unconscious. The obstetrician recognized Toshiro as the father of the child and laid out all the information about the condition of Karin and her fetus to him

Toshiro, who no longer hoped for anything at all, realized that the worst had happened on the face of the obstetrician. Therefore when he was informed that Karin was still alive his eyes were already ready to shed a few tears of happiness

but this was replaced by frustration when the obstetrician said about the death of the fetus. The doctors reassured him saying that judging by the tests and Karin's general condition, she will be able to have children later when her body recovers

but toshiro silently realized what a blow it would be for Karin who found it difficult to love this child and as soon as she love him she immediately lost him

the obstetricians told him to issue documents for Karin's admission to the ward and he was not there when she woke up and the doctor told her about what had happened to her

Karin felt only pain and fear for the child even more than for her own life, but when she woke up, it became a little easier for her in the hospital. She felt tired and empty. Obstetricians reported that it was not possible to save the fetus Later, doctors will say that Karin was very lucky, cuz her body was always trained and always led a healthy lifestyle.

she realizes that she has lost her child and this leads her to complete emotional burnout. When Toshiro walks into her hospital room and sees her awake, she slowly turns her head in his direction and says softly: "I lost him"

"Yes, I know, and I'm sorry I was completely useless," Toshiro takes her hand,his facial expression twists and he looks away.

Karin does not react in any way she looks into empty space

......

Toshiro understands that she will need a lot of time, so he decides that he will give her as much as he can give and he will not leave her as long as he can be near in this world.

#hitsukarin #bleach #toshiro hitsugaya #kurosaki karin #hitsugaya toushirou #sorry i'm not a writer #maybe someday I will draw something on this au #ahahahahahahah

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beyondthetemples-ooc · 3 years

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OC-tober Day 2: Glass

OC-tober prompts put together by @oc-growth-and-development! I have to ramble in meta instead of write, because my brain is Mush lately. (I know I’m behind but I have a lot pre-written, I just need to put it into coherent words!)

This one especially can be rambled about at length, because the most important “glass” object in my stories is one I greatly enjoy exploring: Dove’s mindscape mirror!

^ I drew it forever ago; here’s the deviantArt link if you’d like to see the big version!

https://www.deviantart.com/ravenshiddensoul/art/Dove-s-Keepsakes-Mirror-and-Box-284227087

It’s largely modeled after a bird stretching its wings upwards, with a handle like a tail and certain details are inlaid with Azarathean gold to better channel its magics.

Now, this is where the rambling begins: The mirror’s backstory, and I’ll be exploring one of my favorite things to develop in all of my stories: Dove’s mindscape!

Dove's mirror isn't one of her most prized possessions, nor super incredibly sentimental, but it IS an object touched with her mother's magic, it has flourishes of Azarathean gold (some of the last pieces to exist), and it's useful for introspection and self-soothing, so it does have some value and importance.

Dove struggled with meditating quite a lot as a child, and there was only so much her mother could do to help. Meditation was pretty important to them as both a means of helping Dove control her powers, and as a staple of Azarathean spirituality. As she so often did, Alerina poked around and asked enough questions around the temple that she was told about Raven's mirror, and she decided to replicate it for Dove. She custom ordered a gold-lined wooden hand mirror, and then cast the spells to connect it to Dove's inner world herself. It took a few tries (it's much harder to connect something to someone else's mind than your own, after all), but she was nothing if not determined to help her daughter, and eventually figured it out.

As for its main purpose: Self-reflection! (If you'll pardon the pun.) Dove uses it to meditate, but where Raven uses hers for centering and compartmentalization, Dove uses it more as a blend of escapism and a focusing aid.

Much like Raven's, Dove's mirror acts as a portal to the depths of her mind, and this is where it gets fun!

The vortex that transports the users is usually white and gold, imbued with the same energies that give Dove her powers, at least on her mother's side. It's noticeably touched with black and red in DDD. (Dove's evil side starts taking over her mind, and thus its energies manifest through the mindscape, and Dove's portal into it, hence: black and red energies instead.) It tends to open up like a light tunnel and almost opens the mental world around the user, rather than dragging them in.

Once inside, one can't expect to navigate the same way as Beast Boy and Cyborg did in "Nevermore". Every mind is different, after all! We saw Raven's mindscape divided nearly into emotional sections with a neutral space between them, and the way through each area was preset and linear. While different parts of Dove's internal world manifest in different "areas", they're not so totally divided and separate, and there's no real "neutral" zone except at the very "center". The scenery changes, but it's more of a gradual transition, and though Dove employs thresholds to mark key areas, they're very much just visual aids.

Dove's mindscape is laid out more like a series of rooms and courtyards in a very (very, very, very) large mansion. The ground is generally of crystal, spires and columns decorate the scenery, and the thresholds are modeled after birds with their wings outspread. (While this seems like a play on Dove's namesake, it's actually based on Azarath's architecture, particularly that of George Perez's Azarath in the 1980's New Teen Titans comics.)

Dove's sky shows various stars and often casts moonlight from an uncertain source, particularly when she's introspecting. The ambient temperature varies amongst the locations, chilly in the regions ruled by fear and sadness, uncomfortably warm near her demon's domain, and comfortable and breezy where her peace and contentment reside.

One could easily get lost in her mindscape if they don't know where they're going. The place can shift and change on a whim.

Where Dove spends her time building that peace and contentment, it's very closely modeled after her mother's memories of Azarath (which is where she learned how to find peace, after all): there's marble and gold everywhere, and the stars twinkle with dozens of colors in the sky.

Where Dove retreats when there are feelings of timidity, her excruciating shyness, her grief and doubt, the world becomes shrouded in thick fog. Broken buildings and pale light litter the grounds.

Where she built her love for reading, for history, for creativity and study and learning, it's arranged as rooms with dark marbled tile and a carpeted path, the floor for dozens of feet on either side littered with piles of books.

Dove's inner happy place is an open field on gently rolling hills, where thoughts take the form of birds and somehow the sky holds both the stars and suns. One might find trees, flowers, abstract forms of cottages, and forts loaded with mugs and cozy cushions. If you wander far enough you'll find very tall stone walls surrounding it, because Dove's mind is such that her happiness is one of the few things she really truly believes she needs to protect from the rest of herself.

And then there are the aspects of herself that she shoves the deepest down, secreted far away from the surface: the anger, the hunger for power, the mean streak. (Yes, believe it or not, Dove does have a mean streak! You just have to work especially hard to bring it out. Or trigger her in just the right ways around sadism, violence, war, or death. It's very much Not Recommended; bringing too much of that mean streak out could mean Dove loses control of her powers, or worse: her demonic aspects.)

Those secret forces aren't so much located in one particular space of her mind as they're hidden in every dark corner, coursing through the underside of all the ground, a tantalizing power running through every part of her, only ever set free enough to use the dangerous powers to her own ends.

Her places for Fear and Curiosity in particular will be explored in the upcoming Missing: Raven rewrite. (As they're the strongest things Dove is feeling in that story, that's going to be what Beast Boy and Cyborg encounter.) I also explored the way these things manifest in DDD, and in that same story Dove will focus on rebuilding Peace in the final chapter.

I can't talk about Dove's mindscape without mentioning the "emoticlones". These fun little guys are called by the fanon term given to Raven's "emotion clones", the separate parts of her that express a specific set of traits based on particular aspects of her personality. I had so much fun playing with their voices and thoughts in Dove's head during DDD, you have no freaking idea! I also copied the concept of them having Colored Cloaks from Teen Titans canon, because honestly it's a quick and easy way to identify them, and the fandom's familiar with this system through Raven.

Which colors mean what was more inspired by details from a really old, now-defunct website called Cartoon Orbit that had separate "online trading cards" for each of Raven's emoticlones! On that site, Raven's were labeled as such, and this is what I based Dove's system on, loosely: - Pink: "Raven Happy" - Red: "Raven Rage" - Orange: "Raven Rude" - Yellow: "Raven Smart" - Green: "Raven Brave" - Brown: "Raven Fear" (I'm pretty sure there was a purple one, but I don't recall what it was called. "Love" maybe? That might be from fanon; this site was running like 15 years ago, and I was like 10 years old, so I hardly thought to pay Super Special Attention to it...)

But I digress. The point is, I adapted that system for the key aspects of Dove's unique personality, and came to understand them as follows:

- Pink: Joy, relief, coziness - Red: Cruelty, impulsivity, anger - Orange: Apathy, indifference, disregard - Yellow: Curiosity, study, intrigue - Green: Courage, determination, activity - Blue: Contentedness, pacifism, spirituality - Purple: Compassion, friendship, romanticism - Gray: Sadness, grief, longing. - Brown: Fear, fear, fear!

But for Dove's mind in particular, it's not only HER experiences and personality that form the world! She's a telepath, and though she holds others' privacy in very, very high regard and tries never to read someone's mind without their permission, her sense of receptive telepathy is ever-present. Echoes, lights, shadows, reflections of others' memories and thoughts might affect the very edges of her mind. It's a constant sense, but it only ever causes very ephemeral changes unless something deeply affects her.

Her mindscape also grows and changes as Dove grows and changes, experiences life, learns to cope, and changes how she handles her own emotions.

Most notably, the internal struggle in DDD tore her mind apart. Initially it was due to a breakdown of certainty and confidence, hastened by guilt and grief, but it soon became a deliberate tactic to wage war on the parts of Dove's mind that were trying to resist the evil; eventually her inner demon began intentionally breaking/corrupting everything it could touch.

By chapter 20, that evil is the only strong and stable thing in Dove's mind. Raven's attack to remove the evil in her took away that stability, and strength, and thus took away what was essentially the last support holding Dove's mind together. As it says in the story: "everything collapsed". Dove's mindscape was utterly destroyed, and only the most basic aspects of her remained.

For awhile, that left Dove unable to remember things clearly, or feel emotions without great pain. Rebuilding it to the point where she was able to talk and feel Mostly Normally again took months of meditation.

When Dove is kidnapped and Leyla has distressing dreams about her mother, she, Srentha, and Raven use the mirror to check on Dove by accessing her mindscape. With her powers stripped away, surrounded by people who mock her, and certain Fauni rituals sickening Dove to her soul, naturally her mind is very different: shadowy forms flitted at the edges of vision, the ground wavered, her discomfort was thick in the air and the constant fear made everything so, so cold. "Shadows" of others' thoughts flashed in and out of existence, and Dove's desperation manifests as fleeting voices on the wind. It's uncomfortable to be in her mind while she's so distressed.

It's also worth mentioning that her mindscape changes again, essentially "growing" the part of her that belongs to Love when she finally lets herself love Srentha, and it expands again when Leyla's born and Dove once more finds depths of love she didn't know she could carry.

#oc tober #oc tober 2021 #rhs has ocs and this is the tag about them #iala yona #ddd #rhs oc tober

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portraitoftheoddity · 4 years

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So yesterday was World Mental Health Day, which had me thinking about the last ten years, and the fact it’s the decade anniversary of my descent into my last major mental health crisis.

10 years ago I was a fucking MESS. I was off my meds, rapid-cycling manic-depressive, self-destructive, and in full blown nervous breakdown mode, and a few months from total suicidal rock bottom where my family had an intervention and there was serious discussion about having me involuntarily hospitalized.

And a decade later, I’m okay.

It felt like the end of the world then. It felt like I was going nowhere except into a conflagration of my own making. I felt doomed. Like this was as good as it could even get and nothing would get better. Like I was a monster that wasn’t worth saving.

And all of that was wrong.

I eventually got out of the high-stress environment that I was in. I got medicated. I worked on applying techniques I learned in therapy to manage my anxiety and mood spirals. I identified my episode triggers and how to avoid them. I figured out how to control my own behaviors so my mental illness didn’t hurt the people around me. I developed a strong support network.

All of this took time. All of this took work. And all of it took me deciding that I didn’t want to let my mental health define me; that my suffering wasn’t a part of my identity, and wasn’t something I needed to make me special or creative or any of that shit. It was just suffering and I didn’t deserve it.

Sometimes I fucked it up. Sometimes I backslid or went off my meds and ended up crying on the floor at 3am over an infographic about the distance between an atom’s nucleus and its electrons. But I made progress. Ten years later, overall, I’m happy. I have my life more or less together. 2020 is weird and upsetting as shit but I’m managing and I’m glad I’m alive. My mental illness is still something I have, but it doesn’t dominate my life.

And the truth is, I still have bad days. I still have to keep a close eye on my moods and my sleep schedule to make sure I’m not edging into an episode. I still have days once in a while where I’m so depressed I have to call in sick to work because I can’t get out of bed. I have days or weeks of anhedonia where I feel numb. I have the occasional panic attack. “Bad brain days” happen. But! I know that they’re just that: Bad brain days. My serotonin and dopamine are fucked up and it’s not my fault, and the sky isn’t actually falling, and it will pass. It always does, however shitty it feels at the time. (I’ve come to think of it like the weather -- sometimes it’s raining in my brain, and sometimes it’s a big old storm, but no rain lasts forever and the sunny days will come back eventually.)

And I’m not sharing any of this for hugs or sympathy or any of that -- because I’m okay!

I’m sharing it so that if you’re reading this and you’re not okay, hopefully this will give you some reason to believe from someone who has been there: it can get better. Mental illness can be managed. If you’re hitting rock bottom, remember that means there’s nowhere to go but back up.

Hang in there.

And in ten years, write a post about it. ❤️

#mental health #lena's personal crap #oversharing sorry

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ectonurites · 4 years

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My least favorite type of fic!Tim is when he’s portrayed as depressed/very mentally and emotionally unstable, but also at the same time as someone who is like lauded as being super dangerous/the most skilled or something like that?? Those fics where Tim is chugging caffeine and barely sleeping, but characters are still like “oh I wouldn’t wanna piss off Tim he is Dangerous” and that’s annoying enough but then there are fics that at the same time as that portray him as like on the edge of a breakdown. It’s very irritating even if I’m not sure I can articulate exactly why, it just really rubs me the wrong way. Like, I definitely do think Tim has some issues with depression and stuff, but in fics like those it’s treated more like a quirk sort of instead of a serious issue

LMAOO I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT i’m not a fan of that either. I’m apologizing in advance if I sound mean in any of this critique i’m about to give of that fanon version of him. I want to preface this by saying that people can write whatever the hell they want, like, they’re allowed to! And I’m not referencing/calling out any specific works here. Just trends. But I’m gonna bitch about some things I’ve noticed that annoy me, personally. (so again, not saying other people can’t enjoy this stuff! just. not for me)

so like sorry if im mean but this is just me ranting and also this is my blog anyways so:

(nobody take this as an attack on them please because it’s really not)

The problem is a lot of those fics seem to interpret Tim’s behavior in Red Robin (& especially like that last whole arc of his Robin run also by FabNic) as if that’s his normal, rather than the result of a few years of CONSTANT traumatic incidents pushing him to a breaking point (because while all the shit he went through with his Dad, Steph, Kon, Bart, and then Bruce dying was spread out over several years for us as readers, it’s regarded as like within two years in canon! It all happens when he’s 16 and 17. According to the Batman comic right after War Games, Jack was murdered only days after Steph died.

(Batman #634)

That’s a LOT to process for one kid jesus christ)

I love Red Robin honestly, I do, but it is about Tim at the lowest points in his life. It’s the grand finale of Tim’s story, and everything crumbles, that’s kinda the point! The end leaves him in a position to either rebuild himself or fall apart. It’s all about how he chooses to continue after this point!

(Red Robin #26)

The way he acts and the things he does in that comic should be regarded as such. He can’t live the way he does in Red Robin forever or he will literally burn himself out/become something unrecognizable, like, jesus it’s kinda even acknowledged in the comic when he thinks about what his potential futures would be if he keeps it up like he’s doing:

(Red Robin #25)

He sees himself as dead, as Batman (which he has countless times said he doesn’t want to be and at this point in his history almost every time he’s seen a future he became Batman in he had become a killer), or needing to retire and taking over an Oracle-esque role, likely because he exerted himself too much to continue.

When you look at him around this same timeframe when he’s not isolating himself/too deep into the mission and is instead working with his friends back on the Titans, you can see that he is starting to heal and work in a more positive direction. He’s choosing to work on coming out of this rough period by being together with his friends who he loves.

(Teen Titans (2003) #100)

Not to say that you can’t write about situations in which he doesn’t start to come out of it, but if you are doing so it’s something you should be taking seriously because that’s the idea you want to explore, not just acting like it’s perfectly okay or normal? (And again, there are a lot of works that do explore it in good ways, there’s just also a LOT that don’t)

Like, so much content I see just make any sadness and depression and tendency to over-work himself that’s rooted in his traumas (which! those do have a basis in canon!) into a quirky personality trait rather than a response to trauma. Acting as if he’s always been this way and it’s normal for him. That’s what bothers me. If people want to seriously explore the effects of all these incidents and how that plays into his ability to do his job as a hero, then hell yes do it! But when it all gets brushed off as ‘oh thats just tim, he just doesnt eat or sleep or feel any happiness but like its fine he’s just always been like that’ I feel my blood boil.

This also often strikes me as related/tied to fanon’s seemingly never-ending quest to make Tim into this victim of so many things he really wasn’t. They make his childhood 10x worse than it actually was (yes he was lonely because he was sent to boarding schools rather than having his parents around, but he was NOT just left home alone all the time as a child.

(Batman #441)

He snuck away during a school vacation week to follow Bruce one (1) time and to then track down Dick. This is established in his introduction story! PLEASE read Lonely Place of Dying!) and it just... going with those fanon assumptions as being true changes so much of how people characterize him!

Some people will also (not to call out tim/kon shippers especially because I literally am also one but) vilify the shit out of Steph and make their relationship out to be some abusive thing rather than just... a messy teen relationship between vigilantes because they had really complicated lives and baggage with one another? Which they both acknowledge they made mistakes in!

(Red Robin #10)

Or people will vilify the shit out of Dick in regards to the situation at the start of Red Robin, or literally just make anyone who Tim ever had a disagreement with out to be the bad guy despite the actual situations always being way more complex and multi-faceted than that.

And then on top of all that, aside from making him into this ‘im broken 24/7 and not doing anything to fix it also everyone around me is terrible to me’ type of character, because he’s a lot of people’s favorite, they also want him to be as cool and strong as he is at his high points. So they’re projecting all this stuff onto him that makes him what should be a barely functioning person but then also act like that’s fine and he’s able to be a dangerous badass on top of it.

Like I’m sorry but someone who is going out and actively acting as a vigilante like that which is incredibly physically taxing is NOT surviving on coffee alone and no sleep. That’s literally not possible, he’d fucking collapse. (And like, again, if you want to explore him pushing himself to that point, that’s one thing! but acting like he can manage all of that for more than a few days at a time/maybe while working on one really tough case is nuts!) and like, even canon can be a little guilty of this type of thing particularly since the New 52 (Detective Comics 2016 had more than a few references to him barely sleeping, but at least they also made references to him eating normally/healthily and he wasn’t completely self isolating or anything) (and also that comic had him be so self sacrificial he was ready to die to save everyone and only didn’t die because of Mr.Oz’s interference, he’s definitely not in his best place there) but usually it’s still within some realm of possibility.

Also like. The fanon ‘chugging coffee to survive thing’ just annoys the shit out of me because, like, yes there’s a few moments in canon where he’s under a lot of pressure and pushing himself further than he normally would and had some coffee (one of the only times I can even remember him having it on panel is... oh... during that last Robin arc I just mentioned a little while ago shouldn’t be where you source your normal characterization of him because it’s a very difficult situation that pushes him further than he normally would go! huh!) But the thing is like, people play it off for laughs, or like it’s a normal thing he would do at any time in his life! If you want to explore him pushing himself and using coffee as a crutch, like, there’s ways you can write it that takes it seriously, but almost every time I see it come up in fics it is like a core part of his personality and just ‘oh haha silly tim always with his entire pot of coffee he must chug every morning or he’ll die :^)’ And that bothers the hell out of me.

In general it’s just... people treat Tim so weird. They want him to be so many different things that he’s shown himself to be at different times for very specific reasons, except they want him to do all of it at the same time which just doesn’t work. A person can’t function like that, and it’s not even close to who he is in canon.

Again, people can do what they want, and this is just my opinion obviously, but yeah. My two cents on the matter. Read Lonely Place of Dying, read Young Justice, read his Robin run. Read his comics and get a feel for who he was before all the rest of his trauma, and see how he canonically reacts to it along the way. I know reading comics can be tough for some people but so much stuff just echo chambers and becomes barely recognizable in this fandom and it’s just... a shame when it happens with a character ya love.

#Anonymous

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laughing-with-god · 5 years

Text

Quarter Quell II

Yandere Jungkook, Hunger Games AU

Warnings; gore, death, yandere behavior, killing, strong language, kids murdering other kids, male on female violence (special trigger warning: if you have suffered abuse or are extremely sensitive to like-mannered scenes I want to take a moment to warn you that there is certain scenes in which male tributes will hurt and overpower other female tributes. If this will trigger you, please refrain from reading and I apologize beforehand.)

Words; 12.8k

The Capitol of Panem maintains its’ hold on it’s 12 districts by forcing them each to select a boy and a girl, called Tributes, to compete in a nationally televised event called the Hunger Games. Every citizen must watch as the youths fight to the death until only one remains.

The end had arrived.

Faintly, in the back of your mind, you could hear a doomful melody accompany your death march. Hauntingly beautiful bells and strings swam in your consciousness, making the awfully bleak scene even more gothically tragic. A personalized soundtrack for your promised annihilation.

On either side of you was a peacekeeper, each of them holding a gun to ensure your spineless obedience.

You followed them silently...wordlessly...mindlessly.

The sound of footsteps echoed in your ears as they bounced off the surface of the concrete walls. They guided you deeper into the grey, sterile and fluorescent-lighted corridor. Each pace forward only further locked in your fate. And as a slave to ruthless destiny, you continued onward.

You were marching to your death.

Yet, you felt no anger.

No fear.

Not even a lick of grief or pity entertained your empty mind as you followed the path of your own demise.

Your body had gone into a semi-shock, not allowing you to fully grasp the severity of the situation in hopes of postponing a mental breakdown. All functions had suddenly gone numb, protecting you from the wrath of panic that would thunder upon you if you focused too closely on this dire moment. You welcomed this sensation and allowed it to coax you into a zombie-like state, even if this tranquility was phony you still willingly clung to it.

Perhaps the reason for your lack of reaction was due to an acceptance of death. You held the benevolence of a queen approaching the guillotine, if nothing could change your sentence than the least you could do is hold your head up and never let them see you break.

You kept the charade up until the peacekeepers halted beside a door marked ‘10 F’.

Your breath hitched.

One of them then reached over to open it, the other grasped one of his gloved hands onto your arm to hold you in place, somehow expecting a fight, before shoving you into the room.

It was the resounding slam of the door that finally cracked your resolve.

Tears began to well in your eyes as you observed the last room you’d ever see before the hellish arena.

It was small, as to be expected. White tile lined not only the floor but also the walls, the bright lighting reflected off of them and almost blinded you in the process. In the center of the room was a metal table, sat upon it was the tribute wear. Dark grey camo pants lined with utility pockets, a tight black tank top, and a blue windbreaker-like jacket. To top it all off, a pair of black combat boots sat on the floor next to the table.

The outfit you would die in.

You choked back a sob as the postponed sadness made it’s belated arrival.

It seeped in like a flood does to a house with a weak foundation. The sticky and awfully heavy dread took its’ time peeling away the decaying layer of denial with steady ease. Then, it clung to your bones…. melting itself further and further until it eventually made its’ way to your core and wrapped itself around it.

You suddenly couldn’t breathe.

The air had evaporated before it could reach your desperate lungs. Replacing it was the icy shock of terror as it consumed every fiber of your being. In response, your chest began to heave up and down as your body began a hyperventilation process in search of more oxygen.

“I-I’m too young to die.” your broken whisper barely penetrated the pathetic whimpers and wheezes your body was also making.

Out of nowhere, a tiny spark of anger ignited within you. Anger at who, you did not know. But you felt an unfairness like no other in that moment. You felt robbed of basic humane rights, such as living your life up till it’s natural and uneventful end. Why? Why cut your life so short? You never thought of yourself as young but goddammit, you didn’t think your teenage years were enough to be called a ‘full life’. How heartless were people to look at the youth in the tributes and demand such short lives of potential to be cut even shorter?

“Dearie, what good would crying do at this point?” A purring yet somehow also grutal voice called out from behind you, breaking your inner dialogue of misery.

You turned to face your designer in all her capitol glory.

Her name fit her in the most pretentious way. They called her Topaz, and her bronze skin, that was always pressed with expensive Capitol body oils, resembled the characteristics of the infamous gemstone. To compliment this coco complexion, she often wore gold makeup with green or yellow dresses that flowed behind her tall amazon body. Her black curls were always flowing freely, sometimes with a crown on her head to feed the superiority complex she without a doubt had.

But today she toned it down for the seriousness of the occasion.

Her figure-hugging dress was black, as if to attend your pseudo funeral because you sure as hell weren’t getting one after this. Her curls were tied up into a tight bun to further emphasize her slender and bare face that was free of any noticeable makeup besides and odd golden-glittery lipstick.

“I know you must be very scared, but we only have a few minutes to get you ready.” She placed a hand on your shoulder whilst shooting you a soft and barely sympathetic smile that didn’t quite reach those amber orbs of hers. Then rather roughly, she proceeded to guide you to the table and gestured for you to take your clothes off.

Such invasion of privacy would be uncustom if she had not waxed your entire naked body and hosed it down the minute you entered the capitol.

Slowly, you peeled away your casual outfit as Topaz eagerly handed you the tribute one, bit by bit.

It was awkward, tense and additionally pathetic with the occasional sounds of your sniffles and continuous streaming of tears. All the while she eyed you with this soulless blank stare that unnerved your already high-strung nerves. You briefly wondered how many times she did this exact ritual. How many kids from your home district did she watch break down and dress in the clothes they’d eventually be slaughtered in? Did she also smile at them and offer forged empathy, pretending to understand what it was that they were going through in their last moments...as if she wouldn’t return back to some Capitol cafeteria and eat a luxurious brunch whilst watching the bloodbath that would unfold.

Instantly you got a wave of nausea.

How was it that both you and this woman were both species of the same human race, with beating hearts, souls and brains yet one could turn so corrupt while you ended up with the fate of a mere prey? Was even a tiny molecule of her guilty for the kids she looked in the eye before sending them to their premature deaths?

You avoided her gaze with a new sense of disgust and focused on zipping up your jacket.

“Don’t forget the boots.” Topaz added before reaching down to grab them and hand them to you. You took them wordlessly and knelt down to put them on. Whilst you were doing this, your designer apparently felt the need to lighten the dark aura around you with some ‘comforting’ words. “You know Y/n, you’re actually quite lucky that you’re playing this Quell. No weapons means no bloodbath. The first ten minutes of most games are the deadliest but that can’t really be said with this one. I doubt there’s even going to be a Cornucopia.”

Oddly enough, this was indeed slightly soothing. Although you felt very offended that she dare call you ‘lucky’, she did have a point. No weapons meant that there wouldn’t be a race to get them, and the first ones to get their hands on them couldn’t turn and attack the others. That should at least buy you enough time to slip away and find cover, if no one bigger decides to gang up on you.

Suddenly you got a flash in your minds’ eye of a certain black-eyed career who made his infatuation with you all too known.

You physically flinched at the prospect of Two getting his hands on you the first thing in the game.

All you could do was pray that the gamemakers took mercy on you and didn’t station him too close.

Blearily, you stood back up and looked towards the corner of the room to spot the item that would eventually spit you up into the arena. It was a glass tube, nothing spectacular about it. But you knew the moment you would step in it, the rounded glass doors would envelop shut and trap you in. You stood there for a minute, staring at it as if your stare could eventually burn right through it if you truly tried.

But alas you were without luck or fortune.

“It’s about time, Y/n.”

The ominous words were enough to stop the beating of your heart.

A pitiful and begging voice began a mantra in your head, ‘I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I don’t wan-’

A nudge was given to your back and successfully shoved you closer to the tube. Goosebumps raised on the surface of your skin and the instinct to dry heave became too much to bear.

Topaz continued pushing you further and further, until you were at the edge of the object and a mere inch away from being in it. Your body had frozen stiff in attempt to plant yourself to the ground, but it sadly wasn’t enough to alter your fate.

With one more final shove, you were in the tube.

Topaz was half in and half out of the cylinder, her hands on your shoulders and her chin by your shoulder to whisper her last version of ‘break a leg’.

“If you win this, I’ll personally buy you a name-brand dress.” You could practically hear her proud smirk as she said this. “Good luck, hun.”

The audacity was enough to make you whip around in preparation to slap that smug smile off her face. Was the need to live not enough motivation? Did she think that hanging an expensive piece of cloth over your head would be the push you needed to survive? How fucking dare she-

You opened your mouth to holler and even raised a hand, but when you fully turned around the glass doors had enveloped shut and Topaz was on the other side of it, waving ‘bye’ in a content manner.

Your jaw dropped in horror as you heard an odd ‘whoosh’ sound occur from above you.

You looked up to see that the roof of the tube had slip open.

Right above it was the arena…. waiting for you with the utmost promise of lost innocence and bloodshed.

Your heart and breathing began to accelerate as you felt the pedestal beneath you begin to slowly rise, bringing you closer and closer to the top.

Closer.

And closer.

You clenched your eyes shut and tried to soothe this upcoming panic attack that was looming over the horizon of your sanity.

You took a deep breath and attempted to rationalize.

Blurry memories of previous games fogged up in your mind like some sort of warning. Images of shell-shocked tributes in the throes of denial who would stay frozen during the opening of the game, unable to fully process their situation….they were usually the first to go.

You couldn’t let that happen to you.

‘Calm down, the first minutes of the game are detrimental. If you freak out now and stall, you’ll miss your chance to escape.’ You thought to yourself.

As awful as it was, you were in this game for better or worse. No time could be saved for moping, survival mode had to be switched on now or never. From here on out, you would have to think like an animal and solely focus on methods to outrun the predators. Humanity had to be abandoned.

The pedestal stopped rising, letting you know that you were now fully in the arena.

You swallowed, whether it was to help your mouth that suddenly gone dry or to keep the bile at bay you did not know.

The temperature around you was cool, yet also somehow humid and damp. Your nose took in a voluntary sniff and discovered a scent of must, earth and...mold?

You opened your eyes to behold the 100th Annual Hunger Games arena.

You were underground, all around you were gigantic rocky caverns. It was similar to a dome, except the walls in which you were enveloped were ridgy and a hundred feet high. There was also smaller tunnels at the edges of the arenas’ center in which the tributes were located. They were so huge and abyssal that one felt like an ant standing in the middle of it all. Everything was dark due to no natural lighting beyond the small cracks in the rocks above that allowed very little sun to seep through.

You looked around in awe.

The arena was a series of underground caves.

You would’ve preferred a forest or a jungle. At least then there would be more chances for food and water. But you supposed you should’ve been grateful that it wasn’t an arctic habitat or a desert one.

You quickly turned your attention to the other tributes.

As custom, you were all aligned in a giant circle. The closest kids to you were still ten or so feet away. You noted with relief that you couldn’t make out Jungkook anywhere near you. But to be fair, it was hard to make out anyone in such dim lighting. But from what you could tell it was the boy from Four and the girl from Nine stationed on either side of you.

Unlike any other games, there wasn’t a Cornucopia to behold.

All you could see was an orange, hologram number ‘10’ floating about 50 feet in the center of the circle of tributes.

A robotic voice thundered the arena with a chilling, “Welcome to the 100th annual Hunger Games. May the odds be ever in your favor. We begin in 10…”

The holdram morphed into a 9 to symbolize the beginning of a countdown.

“9.”

“8.”

“7.”

“6.”

“5.”

“4.”

“3.”

“2.”

“1.”

The sound of a cannon shot through the silence as the hologram instantly depleted into nothingness. The sound so chilling, especially when you know that the cannon would be the first of many.

Adrenaline rushed through your veins as you flew off of your pedestal like a bat out of hell.

You threw your body in the opposite direction of the circle, rushing outwards in hopes to seek cover in one of the smaller tunnels and worm your way far from all the other tributes

You heard yelling and the sounds of wrestling or tussling, but you refused to look back to witness the unraveling of any tribute-on-tribute amicability. You briefly just hoped that Chenle and Taehyung were agile enough to get away without any trouble.

Your boots hitting the rocky ground was the only sensation you allowed yourself to focus on, along with the sight of a medium sized cavern that you had your sights set on and were running towards. Your heart was beating so fast it would’ve been a medical mystery how it didn’t burst out of your chest, but you only had one instinct to escape. If luck was on your side, the tunnel wouldn’t be a dead end and could eventually lead you into another one.

You were about 15 feet away from entering the cave when something caught around your ankle, causing you to fall face first with your arms barely coming out in time to catch the brunt of the fall. When you were fully on the ground, something heavy and strong began to straddle your hips, successfully pinning you down.

You looked up to see the boy from Four.

He smirked down at you, his sun kissed skin glowing eerily in the dim lighting of the cave.

You didn’t know if he was a career or not, but he was a strong tribute that scored well during the personal assessment and wasn’t one to be messed with. You don’t recall doing anything to offend 4, so to say you were confused would be an understatement. The way he glared down at you was terrifying and implied some sort of personal vendetta.

“Get that scared shitless look off your face, doll. I’m not gonna hurt you.” He laughed humorlessly in response to your pathetic squirms. “You see, Two demanded that we try to get you first thing in this game. You’re kinda my meal ticket into that career alliance.”

Your heart only raced faster, finding no assurance in his promise to not hurt you.

Fuck, he was one of Jungkook’s little foot soldiers and was planning to use you as some sort of trading piece. You now felt so foolish for assuming that Jungkook would be your only problem, his allies would be gunning you down as well.

You began to thrash wildly out of fear, desperate to get him off you knowing that his plans would lead to a fate worse than death. Panicking, you began to plead for your freedom. “Please, you don’t understand! Jungkook is lying! There’s nothing going on between us!”

Four just stared down at you blankly before rolling his dark eyes and pinning your arms above your head.

You suddenly went limp as tears began to stream down your face. You looked around you and saw that most if not all tributes were making a mad dash to the hidden caves, no one stopping to help you or pay you any mind in favor of saving their own asses.

Four was huge and if he didn’t want you to get up, then you weren’t getting up. You had a better chance of melting into the very ground beneath you than fighting him off.

The tanned boy smiled in response to your now powerless form, all too grateful to see your cooperation and lack of hope. “There’s a good girl. Now-”

A loud ‘crack’ sounded, prematurely cutting him off.

Four’s eyes suddenly rolled into the back of his head before his entire body slumped forward.

A black haired, tall, pale but sturdy boy stood behind Four. He was holding up a rock and you concluded fairly quickly that it was he who smashed it into the back of four’s head. Your lungs began to hyperventilate, not knowing if he was going to use that same rock to bash your head in next. His dark eyes drank you in, noting your panic and seeming to scoff at the display, oddly unimpressed by it. The boy then dropped the make-shift weapon before breaking into a sprint.

As he passed you, he yelled one thing. “Run, you idiot!”

Those were apparently the magic words you needed to hear. They snapped you into action as you hurriedly scrambled out from underneath Four’s heavy but unconscious form to continue your journey into the tunnel.

One thought stayed with you all the while, long after you made it into the dark, empty but safe cave.

Why did 12 bother saving you? --

Part two

“Every time that cannon goes off, it’s music to my ears. I don’t care about any of them.” -Finnick Odair, Victor of 65th Annual Hunger Games.

The cave was very small, you found it after running into a large tunnel, taking multiple random turns and searching very hard to find a hidden little hole that was closed off by some large boulders. It was so tiny that one had to army-crawl to get in, but you liked it that way. This meant that you weren’t out in the open, that you were so well hidden that tributes would walk past it without knowing you were even there.

It was a cramped but perfect little hide-out, you barely had enough space to cross your legs and rest against the wall but you didn’t mind. At least you felt safe. So thus you sat in pitch-black darkness and listened closely to the sounds of your breathing echoing back to you in the intimate little spot you now called home.

You closed your eyes and tried to focus on calming down.

The adrenaline was still running through you like some sort of drug, the hairs on your arms stood stubbornly and your chest continued to heave up and down with a sense of pending doom. Your body wasn’t allowing you to relax, somehow still expecting a surprise attack and not wishing to fully give into tranquility. You had to pull a mind over matter and trick yourself into not having another anxiety attack, which is very hard to do in the middle of an arena.

If your sense of time was correct, the game had been on for about 20-30 minutes.

Meaning, the canons were scheduled to go off any minute now. Usually after people scrambled from the bloodbath and the careers did their killing, the gamemakers would sound off all the canons at once. This only happens on the first day though, after the first day the canons would trigger instantly when someone dies. But since most deaths occurred on the first day and happened all in quick succession during the bloodbath, it suited both the tributes and viewers well to count the canons after everything had calmed down.

As if reading your mind, a booming sound pierced the fragile blanket of silence.

The sound was thundering and vibrated the entire arena, or maybe it was just your mind that perceived it that way due to your current circumstances. Nonetheless, it was terrifying. Especially when one keeps in mind that one cannon symbolizes one childs’ life cut short.

They began to trigger, one by one.

“One.” You counted to yourself. “Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.”

The series of cannons suddenly halted and bled into another irksome silence.

Six…

Six lives lost just a meer half hour ago.

Six lives that could’ve been you….but weren’t.

A montage of all the tributes suddenly ran through your head, taunting you as you couldn’t help the famished hunger to know who died that burned through your chest. Was it Taehyung? Was it Chenle? Did the boy from Four survive the blow to the head? Did ‘god’ really answer your prayers and killed some of the career pack? Maybe even, dare you say it, Jungkook himself?

Your heart raced faster as you shook your head, not liking where your train of thought was going and the added affect it had on your body. Your attempted to rationalize with yourself, you could wait until tonight to see the faces of the fallen tributes via the hologram update that happened every night. You would just have to wait until then, you wouldn’t be doing yourself any favors by going crazy with worry now.

Instead you decided to do some mental math. Twenty four minus six equates to eighteen

Eighteen kids were still alive. One of which was you. You now had a 1/18th chance of making it out of here.

The feeling was bittersweet. Because although each trigger of the cannon represented a life lost, it also meant you were that much closer to the end and possibly being the last one to survive. Maybe you should shift your mentality to one of pessimistic idealism? Perhaps the key to getting through this was by seeing the good in the bad. Yes, every death was awful and you’d never condone it. But, if they were dead anyway then what’s the harm in trying to take their demises as well as possible? It was always best to think positively, right? That’s probably how past victors thought, given the mental stability was just as important as the physical stability.

You remember past games where tributes lost their minds. One boy from Six even went crazy and started eating the corpses of other dead tributes. You couldn’t eat meat for a week after watching that. A girl from Eight once went loopy from the freezing cold arena and stripped her clothes off before breaking out in song and dance. There was also a really old game, probably one of the first ten games, where the arena was a desert and there was no water, you vividly recalled watching a young kid of probably 12 or 13 cut himself just for the sake of lapping up the warm blood.

You couldn’t allow yourself to fall into that-

Wait, what were you thinking?

What was wrong with you? You’d only been in this arena for an hour or so and were already allowing your morals to be compromised if it could buy you some cheap peace of mind. Of course every death was depressing, no one deserved to play in this game! What was wrong with you? Why were you almost relieved that kids were dying and putting your chances into a better perspective?

Maybe you and the careers weren’t so different after all….

This conclusion was so bone-chilling and vile that you couldn’t help the small whimper that escaped your lips.

You quickly concluded that pondering was no longer for you.

Another rule you’d have to adapt; your mind can be your worst enemy in here, best not get lost in your thoughts.

You suddenly felt awfully exhausted. Not a type of tired where you’ve been up for a little too long or had just done a tedious amount of physical work, but a type of tired where you simply no longer wanted to be conscious or aware. Your body felt somehow extremely light but heavy at the same time, your eyelids drooping in insistence for some shut eye.

But you couldn’t fall asleep just yet.

If you fell asleep now, then there was a chance that you would miss the fallen tributes segment. You needed to stay up, if only just to find out if Chenle, Taehyung and Jungkook were still out there.

For the next few hours, you just sat there. Blankly staring at nothing and trying to busy yourself with dumb little songs or riddles that you allowed to occupy your mind for the time being. You never thought you would say this; but when you weren’t fighting for your life and clawing for survival, the games could be rather boring. It was a ridiculous notion- to be bored in this very vital time period where your life is a stake with every waking moment you spend in this arena. But it was the truth, there was nothing to do.

Until, something abruptly halted your colorless daydreams.

You didn’t know how to describe it. And to be honest, you felt it more than you heard it.

The ground beneath you suddenly began to shake with such intense ferocity that you couldn’t help but wonder if it was an earthquake. Then your ears picked up on the noise; and what awful sounds they were.

First, it was like a crash that never stopped. A sudden falling of countless heavy objects, most likely rocks or boulders given the habitat. It sounded as if they just kept raining down, their heavy mass hurling upon the ground and striking anyone in it’s way.

Next, the screams followed.

They were tortured and pained hollers that echoed down the tunnels and vibrated the air around you. You heard both male and female voices, crying in agony and begging for help in what you could assess was a little less than 20 yards away.

Your body began to shake as you cupped a hand over your mouth to avoid crying out.

You were hearing the last wails of young kids who were surely going to die.

Boiling hot tears streamed down your cheeks in realization on what must’ve happened.

But, did you dare wander out of your safe cocoon to investigate?

It wasn’t the smartest choice, but what if one of those desperate shouts belonged to Taehyung or even Chenle?

With that concerning thought, you were hastily crawling out of your little hideout with little regard for your own safety.

Once you were out of your miniature cave, you hurriedly snapped your head side to side to see that the tunnel was void of any other tributes. Knowing you had very little time, you broke into a sprint and followed the direction of the screams.

As you ran through the dim and mossy cave, you only had one thought running through your mind.

‘Please don’t let it be them.’ you prayed.

When you finally reached the site of such mayhem, your stride completely stopped as you lost all strength in your legs due to utter shock.

You fell to your knees and gagged, the luxurious breakfast you had in the Capitol was seeping its’ way upwards and threatening to make you vomit.

The sight in front of you was…. grotesque.

One of the caves had given out and collapsed.

And in result, tributes were crushed.

Their mangled bodies were twisted inhumanely under such hefty rocks that were now stained ruby red with their blood. Some of the tributes had eyes budging out of their sockets, along with their tongues due to the numerous amount of pressure that was weighing down on them. You only saw two bodies, but you heard choked screams of some others that were out of sight.

But all those cries were ignored by you, your focus solely on one body that was also pinned beneath such monstrous boulders.

His eyes were shut, face peaceful yet blank and body limp as if boneless.

He almost looked like he was sleeping….but the puddle of blood that dripped from his mouth and onto the ground told you everything you needed to know.

And if that didn’t, then the cannon that sounded sure did.

Taehyung was gone.

Part Three

“He wasn’t much but...he was from home.” -Johanna Mason, Victor of 71st Annual Hunger Games.

You didn’t know how long you’ve been crying.

But from the way your eyes were practically swollen shut, head pounding ruthlessly and throat dry and scratchy in result of your numerous groans of grief, you could conclude that you must’ve carried out this sob fest for at least a couple hours now.

The scene of your distract mates’ death was stained to the back of your eyelids, greeting you with gory misery everytime you so much as blinked. This would obviously cause another round of cries from you and thus began a never-ending cycle.

Taehyung was dead.

But not just any type of dead. He was crushed to death and most likely suffered through every single pound of rock that slowly sucked the life out of him. His body was squished so brutally, as if he was nothing but a small insect for the gamemakers to step on.

Somehow the nature of his death offended you beyond belief.

Taehyung wasn’t a loud or overly-sweet person, but he deserved more than to have his life ended like that. He was quiet, but you knew that beneath his silence lingered a remarkable intelligence and code of honor. His face was always wearing an aloof expression, but that’s just due to his guarded nature and unwillingness to let anyone see his weaknesses. He wasn’t the closest to you, but the way he helped you with Jungkook showed his true nature- he had the protective instinct for you that you’d assume an older brother might have.

Something about his end just didn’t sit right with you.

Taehyung was gold-skinned from hours upon hours out in the sun, hands calloused from rough labor, he was tall enough to have to peer down at almost everyone he spoke to, body lean but sturdy and voice so deep and grutal that you couldn’t even picture how he must’ve sounded as a pubescent boy. Taehyung was such a strong figure worthy of respect in your eyes.

So to see him pale, limp, lifeless and under thousands of pounds worth of debris and rock was….unnerving to say the least.

How the mighty have fallen.

After you saw Taehyung, you had cried for a minute before vomiting up your breakfast, being unable to stomach the sight and ultimately losing the battle with your stomach. You were tempted to stay with your District mate until the very end, to wait by his side until the ship would take his body, but the pained groans and cries had seemed to attract other tributes to that area as well.

You had heard footsteps echo from the tunnel opposite of the scene, across from where you sat next to the corpse of Taehyung.

It sounded like a group of people, you couldn’t make their words out properly but they sounded curious and were confidently jogging closer and closer to the disaster.

Somehow you just knew that it was the careers.

You felt conflicted; you wanted to stay with your counterpart until the very end, but there was only one person in this game who terrified you to your very core.

District Two’s Jungkook.

Otherwise known as the head of the career pact.

And if he spotted you…

Your flight or fight instincts took over.

You had rushed towards Taehyung and hastily pressed your lips against his forehead, trying not to cringe at how ice-cold his skin was.

You whispered one thing to him, logically aware that he couldn’t hear it but wishing that his greater conscious would.

“I’m sorry.”

Then like that, you quickly turned around and ran as fast as you could back to your little-hide out.

And here you were hours later; huddled up in your little hole whilst still shaken and miserable.

One could argue that it was ridiculous to be so sad about his death, given you could count on both hands how many conversations you had with him. But it was not for someone else to understand; the feeling of losing the one person who originated from the same place as you. Everyone else in this arena was just a bunch of faceless threats from places beyond your knowing. Taehyung was the last piece of home you had left, the last person you could fully relate to and to have him ripped away from you so soon...you felt robbed and alienated.

Your last goodbye to him suddenly entered your mind.

You didn’t know what you were sorry to Taehyung for, but you just felt like you needed to say it in that moment. Maybe you were guilty that you didn’t try harder to become his ally and team up in the arena. Or maybe you were just sorry that his end had to be like that, that you didn’t get to him sooner. Perhaps even being sorry that you couldn’t stay with his body like you had wanted to.

Yet maybe it was a good thing that he died on the first day. Some might even say that those who died first were the luckiest...they wouldn’t have the torture of carrying on the game for days on end.

This stream of thought was prematurely cut short when the Capitols’ anthem suddenly began to echo inside the caves.

You were dreading seeing Taehyung’s face splayed up as a fallen tribute for everyone to see, but you had no choice but to watch and get a full count of who was left. Reluctantly, you crawled out of your hole so that just your upper half was out, peeking out like a turtle in case there was any other tributes.

You quickly found the segment projected onto the ridgy walls of the rocky caverns. Right now it was just the bright blue symbol of the capitol as the trumpets and drums continued to play. You braced yourself, held your breath and waited...and waited...and waited. But eventually the anthem just faded out as the symbol remained.

Your face scrunched up in confusion.

Had the fallen tributes segment glitched? Why hadn’t any faces been displayed?

Out of nowhere, a smooth and deep voice purred over the unseen speakers, almost startling you back into your ‘shell’.

“Why, I see so many befuddled expressions out there.”

A gleeful chuckle followed.

Your eyes widened as you recognized who was speaking to all the tributes. The only person allowed to make announcements was the one and only head game maker. And when the head game maker went out of his way to speak to the tributes...well, it was never a good sign.

“As part of the twist of the Quarter Quell, the gamemakers have decided that knowing your enemy is a huge advantage. It can be argued that it’s rather generous of the Capitol to allow you such luxury of seeing the fallen every night.” A brief pause. “We then wondered how you all would fare if you didn’t know who was alive and who was dead. So for the first time ever, the fallen tribute tradition has been temporarily...suspended.”

Your jaw dropped as you slowly but surely realized what was happening.

They couldn’t, could they?

“Instead, every night we will display a number. This number will represent how many tributes are still alive.”

Reacting to his words, the capitol’s symbol instantly morphed into a giant number ‘14’.

The head game maker let out a thoughtful hum. “Fourteen of you left. Interesting… may the odds be ever in your favor, one out of fourteen isn’t a bad shot when you really think about it.” The statement shook you to your core, the makers’ soothing and accented voice saying those words was somehow too real for you to handle. He finally concluded the announcement with one more farewell, a smile being heard in his voice as he finished it all off with a simple; “Goodnight.”

The display depleted back into nothingness as the speakers cut out with a definite ‘click’.

If the goal of such announcement was to taunt and rile the tributes, then they achieved this goal rather well.

A burning itch of irritation bubbled under your skin, your face burning bright red and a random desire to yell out curses to the gamemakers overtook your mind in that very moment. The audacity to not tell the tributes beforehand, the slimey pettiness to rub it in their faces via an announcement and the offensive “one in fourteen” comment was all too much for you to bear. You weren’t a violent person by any means, but if given the chance you’d probably bash the head gamemakers’ face in.

You weren’t naive.

You knew what they were doing.

This wasn’t planned until later, because if it was part of the original agenda; the tributes would’ve been briefed on it so they could strategize accordingly. The game makers decided on this later, most likely because they thought it would make better ratings or quicken some tribute-on-tribute story lines.

But what could’ve made them pull the trigger on something like this-

No way.

A horrid epiphany struck you as the gears in your aching and groggy mind began to turn.

Who was the most beloved tribute of this game so far?

Two.

What was said tribute most vocal about during his interview?

You.

And who did district four try to obtain you for?

Him.

During his interview it was obvious how wrapped around his finger he had the viewers. It wasn’t a far stretch to assume that most if not all of the Capitol truly bought into his one-sided romance propaganda. So, if you were an average viewer of the games and saw that you and Jungkook weren’t together... then maybe it truly would be more entertaining to not have you two know if the other is alive or not. Did they want to see the ‘secret lovers’ break not knowing if their soulmate was okay or dead?

On top of that, you could only assume that many tributes were also separated from their District counterparts and were understandably concerned about their partner’s fate. This was, regrettably, the perfect way to get in their heads and could even be traced back to the quell’s theme of ‘no support system.’

You hated how evilly brilliant it all was.

Although it didn’t seem like much, the paranoia didn’t take long to seep in. Was Chenle still alive? Did the boy from Twelve make it out? And most importantly; was Jungkook still out there...looking for you?

Instinctively you crawled back into your little shelter, as if just thinking about him would magically make him materialize in front of you.

You instead refocused your mind onto the number displayed just seconds before.

14 people were still alive.

Earlier, you had counted six cannons. Which means four people would’ve had to died during the cave collapse, although you didn’t spot every single corpse in favor of mourning over Taehyungs’ specifically. So all in all, ten children died today. This left a little more than half of the original tributes left.

Out of nowhere, the bleak yet bittersweet feeling spiked within you once again. It was hard to feel any good about the short lives that were ended unfairly, yet if the games kept going at this pace then the whole nightmare showed signs of being be over sooner rather than later. This thought lead into another question; how come so many died today?

Natural diasters weren’t uncommon and they were obviously simulations created by the gamemakers. They usually happened within the second half of the games though, when deaths were slowing down and the viewing experience became a little too boring for the Capitols’ taste. So how come they chose to start off with a disaster right away?

It was terrifying and worth concern for everyone, especially when considering that tributes could do nothing to combat them if the gamemakers just chose to have a volcano erupt near you or something like that. When you think about it, anyone could’ve been in Taehyung’s place. It was just a matter of being at the right place at the right time. Luck was a bigger theme than odds were. How hypocritical of them to say may the odds be in our favor when they’re the ones constantly manipulating them against us?

You sighed and tried to rest comfortably against the wall of your little cave.

You decided to just conclude that they must’ve made the cave collapse to make up for the lack of blood bath deaths. It was the only explanation that made sense. In other games with a Cornucopia and weapons, so much as 10 or 13 tributes would die trying to obtain supplies. Obviously this couldn’t have been done with no weapons to fight over and most tributes just scattering away this time. The gamemakers must’ve brainstormed other ways to up the death count and decided on collapsing part of the arena.

You just hoped that tomorrow would be more bearable than today was.

You hugged your jacket closer to your from after zipping it all the way up and buttoning it for good measure. You didn’t know much about caves, but you figured that they most likely got really cold at night.

You were weary with exhaustion, all the running and crying had drained a significant amount of energy from you. Part of you wanted to stay up all night and be on the lookout for any other tributes, but it wouldn’t be realistic nor smart to begin a cycle of sleep deprivation this early in the game. You would have to set your paranoia aside for some much needed rest.

You allowed your eyelids to fall as you tried to steady your breathing.

A few minutes passed and the ever comforting rem cycle was not too far away from you, yet your nose suddenly twitched at a foreign smell, bringing you out of the lulling state.

A gentle yet heavy scent of lavender and cinnamon overpowered your senses, startling you and causing you to open your eyes to investigate.

You couldn’t see anything due to how dark it was in your hide-out, but the aura was only growing more and more potent every passing second. Weirdly enough, your body was growing limp and relaxed although your mind was panicking and racing for some sort of explanation.

You cupped a hand over your mouth and nose, suspecting that this odd fragrance was the cause.

You hurriedly tried to crawl out of your nook, the task being difficult with just one hand available to you. But when you finally made it out, you saw what was truly occurring.

You felt like a bucket of ice was dropped onto you as you quickly caught onto what was happening.

The barren tunnel was seeping out some sort of fog-like gas. It was artificially purple and smelled sickly sweet, almost enough to make you gag. You mentally cursed the gamemakers before holding your breath and making a mad dash in the opposite direction of the gas.

It must’ve been poisonous to anyone who breathed it in. Why else would it be here?

You kept running and running, trying to ignore the burning of your lungs knowing that any breath you take will most likely be your last if you didn’t get away from the fog.

But the gas was gaining ground at an alarming rate, almost biting at the back of your ankles with how close it was.

Your eyes welled up with tears as your face grew blue due to how long you starved yourself from oxygen.

You spotted another cave a few yards away and pushed yourself to it, knowing it was your only hope of escaping. But when you entered it, you let out a frustrated scream at what was there to welcome you; more gas.

It was attacking you from every direction and you were unable to hold your breath any longer.

Your eyelids grew droopy as you fell to your knees.

Was this the end?

Black spots entered your vision, growing in size until you couldn’t see anything else.

Your body fell over and the last sound you faintly remember was the triggering of a cannon.

Part Three

“No! I can still do this! I can still do this. One more kill. It’s the only thing I know how to do. Bring pride to my district…. Not that it matters.” -Cato Porcious, fallen tribute of 74th Annual Hunger Games.

Jungkook didn’t know what to feel when he first woke up to the second day of the 100th annual Hunger Games.

First, he felt relief.

He thought for sure that the violet gas of last night had taken him out for good.

But then, he felt confusion.

It took only a few seconds for him to process these emotions, study his surroundings, then jump up to his feet in bewilderment.

In all his years of watching the games and preparing to one day play himself, he never could have anticipated this.

His jaw dropped as he slowly swiveled his head around in order to fully observe what had happened during his rest last night.

The arena….it changed.

It was hardly believable and didn’t make a lick of sense, but there was no doubt about it. The musty and dark caves no longer encased them. Instead, Jungkook and his allies were lying in the middle of an abandoned street that was surrounded by tall yet barren buildings.

It looked to be a city, or at least it was at one point.

The metropolitan area had endured lots of damage, some buildings even looked as though they have been bombed at some point. There were loose bricks and concrete debris spread everywhere; dust, dirt and shards of glass caking lots of surface. The skyline above was gray and cloudy, an odd film of brown stained the horizon in what must’ve been a pseudo pollution detail.

It was a massive dystopian city.

“What the hell?”

The groggy yet deep voice of the boy from One interrupted Jungkook’s silent awe, causing him to snap his attention back to his allies.

They were just waking up, although Chanyeol seemed to have the head start as he was already sat up and studying what had become of the underground cave system with eyes of exasperated wonder. For a moment the two were silent, waiting until Joy and Jeongyeon fully awoke and also realized the situation they were in.

“Well,” Jeongyeon stretched her arms above her head and yawned leisurely, somehow totally causal despite the giant revelation that just collectively went off in their heads. Jungkook could never tell if she was genuinely as friendly and aloof as she acted, or if she was just that good at putting on a show for the viewers. “at least now we know that the purple stuff wasn’t deadly. Probably was just used to knock us out.”

Jungkook rolled his eyes and refrained from scolding her for pointing out the obvious. He routinely wondered to himself if he had the patience of a saint for putting up with District One’s peacock ways. Their thirst for screen time would’ve been laughable if it weren’t for Jungkook’s high strung nerves that made him more irritable than usual.

Luckily, Joy also saw the comment as stupid and had no trouble pointing that out. “No shit, bimbo.”

Jeongyeon frowned at this, still not used to Twos’ blunt and borderline mean nature. She turned to her counterpart in search of back up, but the tired oaf of a teen just offered her a shrug and stood up for a morning stretch of those long legs of his.

“How is this even possible?” Jungkook murmured to himself, still trying to piece together all the logistics of how the gamemakers did something as drastic as changed the arena with all the tributes unconscious.

“I don’t know man. Who are we to question their high-end shit? They probably just built all this stuff around us.” Chanyeol said, overhearing Jungkook and budding in as was his custom.

Jungkook scowled and tried his hardest to swallow down the hellish tick that crawled up the back of his neck.

Now, he never thought that the games would be a cake walk per say. Even the strongest of victors had to go through some pretty odd and seemingly unbearable circumstances to win. Jungkook just assumed that he was capable enough to put up with any shit the gamemakers tossed his way; and it shouldn’t be a lot given he played into their little game and charmed his way into the forefront of the viewers’ minds. But he guessed he could finally conclude that he underestimated just how difficult they were going to make this Quell.

It was hard enough to attempt to track you down in the series of underground caves, how the hell was Jungkook going to find you if the very arena changed every single day?

He felt his eye twitch on its’ own accord as he scanned every single building that stood proud in the doomsday skyline, knowing that there was no possible way he could search through every single one in his journey to find you.

If you were alive.

14 tributes remained but no one said you were one of them.

His face darkened.

How foolish had he been to assume that the gamemakers would just give him his love? They were going to use you like bait, reeling him in and making him jump through hoops as if he was a dog yearning for a treat. But to be fair, his pride was reduced to that of a dogs’ when it came to you.

Joy took notice of her counterpart’s gloomy mood. She licked her dry lips before commenting on it from her criss crossed position on the vacant road. “What’s your problem, loverboy? Shouldn’t you be happy we’re not dead?”

The rest of the career pack turned to their ‘leader’ who currently had his back turned towards them. It was a bold move to taunt Two’s infatuation for you by calling him such nickname, but Joy was just a bold person in general. It has yet to be said if Jungkook held a soft spot for her by allowing her passes to say such things, or if he was just waiting for the right time to bash her head in.

“Of course it’s good we’re not dead. But this twist is going to make everything so much harder.” Jungkook bluntly responded, pretending to not notice the subtle jab.

Joy snorted. “You mean it’s gonna make everything harder to find Ten.”

Jungkook’s sudden silence only made her laugh harder.

“Yeah, about that…” Chanyeol trailed off, wondering if now would be a good time to ask the unknown. “What is going on with you and the girl from Ten? Why are we looking for her?”

“She’s mine.” The reply was short and brutal on Two’s part, shutting down any further inquiries as if he believed that any elaboration would be wasted on such fools.

Joy’s snorts only got louder as she eventually rolled over, clutching her stomach in delirium.

“Like your girlfriend or something? I thought the whole thing was an act.” Jeongyeon scratched her head in confusion, how the hell would two tributes get into an exclusive relationship in the week before the games?

“Or are you trying to track her down and fuck her? I heard that the kids from Districts like that stay virgins till marriage.” Chanyeol conversed, it wasn’t totally unknown for tributes to try to get their rocks off before or even during the games. Lots of kids didn’t want to die virgins and found the solution within each other. Of course, this never blossomed into a real romance given there could be only one victor. Survival outlasted all other primal instincts.

Jungkook suddenly found himself wondering if it was too late to become a lone wolf in this game. District One was proving to be as dumb as ever and his own counterpart wasn’t helping matters in the slightest.

The brute of a teen opened his mouth to spit out a retort, but quickly closed it when he realized he didn’t even know what to say.

The thing was; Jungkook didn’t feel the need to explain shit to anyone. It wasn’t for them to understand. Hell, even if he tried there was no possible way he could properly describe it... much less get them to understand.

“Everyone shut up! We need to get moving. There’s still nine other tributes out there that we have to kill.” Jungkook ordered, smirking in slight satisfaction when they all immediately stood up and got ready at the metaphorical snap of his fingers.

The next two hours of the day consisted of the pack roaming the ruined streets of the city, silent and on high alert for any other tributes unlucky enough to come across the blood thirsty four. The only sounds to be heard was the light ‘crunch’ of the debris under their combat boots that resulted with every step they took. What also followed them was an odd chemical smell that appeared to loom in every crevice of the city; a burning rubber scent that caused a scrunch of ones’ nose. Jeongyeon voiced her concern for it being radioactive, but the three just shrugged, it’s not like they could do anything about it even if they wanted to.

As the morning faded away to be replaced with the afternoon, it became barringly obvious that all other weaker tributes would be spared given the careers had yet to spot a single soul. This lack of action mixed in with hunger and thirst spiked tensions. Soon enough Joy halted her steps in favor of plopping down on what looked to be a curb, pouting up up at Jungkook in bratty refusal to move any further.

The pack halted and set their gaze on her.

Two pairs of eyes peered confused, while the last pair glared ruthlessly.

“The games is more than just killing other people, Kook. We need to survive too. If we don’t find food or water soon, we won’t even be able to overpower others.” Joy complained loudly, rubbing her sore ankles as if to prove her point.

Jungkook let out a low growl under his breath, wiping the sweat away from his forehead while trying to remind himself that he was on camera at all times.

‘Don’t blow up, don’t blow up, don’t blow up’

“Joy might be onto something. God only knows what arena we’ll wake up in tomorrow. The only food we could get from the caves were insects and algae, we should search through these buildings for any scraps.” Chanyeol attempted to be the voice of reason, without a doubt catching on to the fight that loomed in the near future if Joy and Jungkook didn’t get on the same page quickly.

“I need to find her.” This was said through gritted teeth, Jungkook’s patience being worn too thin to play the amicable act any longer.

“Why must everyone suffer for the sake of your obsession?!” Joy scoffed, irritated that some mute country girl from Ten was being placed as priority one over her well-being.

Jungkook felt his brow tick. The familiar burning itch of a fury only infatuated men could understand graced his sensations once again. The fact that your importance was being questioned was almost blasphemous to Jungkook. Were they blind? Of course the first objective had to be you, everyone else was just mere distractions getting in the way of his goal. He was the big dog in this game, the undeniable winner and if his fellow “allies” knew what was good for them then they’d play along to his plan.

“Joy, get up.” Jungkook licked his lips before continuing in a bleak voice; “I won’t ask again.”

Joy rolled her raven eyes and stood up, taking one step forward towards the pseudo leader with a snarl-like expression twisting up the usually pretty features of her face. “Like hell I’ll follow you! If you’re willing to place some random girl over your allies then maybe we need a new change in leadership.”

Jungkook could practically feel the unseen cameras zoom in on the scene. The viewers most likely gasping in shock or clutching their pearls with excitement at the power dynamic impasse that the most powerful alliance in the game was facing.

It was silent for a moment, Jungkook boring his ruthless eyes into hers as if to give her a second chance to step down in submission.

But she never did.

Instead she looked at the pair from One, whom for once looked rather uncomfortable, and called out in a smug grin; “I’m sure you guys are thinking it too. Is it irrational for me to question the head of our pack when he values a random girl over our lives?”

Neither Chanyeol nor Jeogyeon answered, instead they both avoided eye contact.

Jungkook let out a humorless chuckle at her failure to sway a rally against him.

Now, it was his turn.

“Joy I’ve been nothing but lenient with you because we’re from the same District and two heads are better than one. But if I have to strangle that pretty little neck of yours until your face is blue and that cannon goes off, then I will.” Jungkook’s voice was emotionless and barren, as if he was simply reciting lines and not truly expressing his inner most thoughts. The only reaction to be seen from him was the slight smirk he had when he witnessed Joy’s proud expression drop into a look of doom.

He continued, “In fact, I don’t owe anyone here anything. If I truly wanted to I could kill all three of you and not even feel a lick of remorse. I could rid myself of liabilities and dead weight to further myself in the game. This alliance is hindering my full potential. It is me who shows you mercy, keep that in mind with every waking second of your life in this game.”

Joy took a step back whilst Jungkook took one forward.

“You all saw what I did to Four. I’m not above killing other careers if they get in my way.”

“Kook-”

Jungkook raised his hand and silenced her with a harsh backhand to the face. The speed of the action was so quick that the only way Chanyeol and Jeogyeon even realized what had happened was the echoing sound of the hit and the response of Joy cradling the left side of her now redden face.

Jungkook wasn’t finished either.

In fact, he seemed all too proud to make an example out of his very own district mate.

He snatched her hair and dragged her to the ground, forcing her into a crouched position as he lifted his knee to jut her in the stomach.

She let out a tortured scream at the pain, looking at her other allies for aid only to cry at the realization that she was alone to face his wrath.

She stared up at the monster of a man, pleading to spot some remains of mercy expected of rational humans.

But his orbs were empty of any emotion other than pure hatred.

Jungkook raised a clenched fist once again as Joy screamed.

Part Four

"You know, they're not the only ones who can form alliances" - Victor Katniss Everdeen to Rue Culler in 74th Annual Hunger Games.

It was the third day of the games.

You awoke to a feeling of sticky humidity clinging onto your skin. It was only when you managed to tear your swollen eyes open and sit your weakened body up did you finally discover what hell awaited you that day.

It was a jungle, an awful hot and loud one that was crawling with various types of animals far beyond your understanding. This was evident in the different sounds you heard echo amongst the trees and bushes; monkeys, birds, frogs and god knows what else. All the plants around you were vibrant and bursting with colors, practically stunning your tired retinas with the intensity of the shades.

Perhaps if you felt better you would’ve taken a moment to observe the strange and foreign land that you’d never get to experience again, but the third day was already proving to be the biggest hurdle to overcome.

The lack of food and water was finally taking its’ toll on your body.

Your stomach was persistently growling and your lips were so cracked and dried that you’d routinely have to lick off blood from them. Your esophagus burned due to the scratchy lack of moisture while your cranium pounded ruthlessly. Even as you got up to stand, you managed to stagger as if half of your strength had magically depleted overnight.

If you didn’t find food or water soon then you were as good as dead.

As you took off your wind breaker to tie it around your waist in attempt to adapt to the sudden climate change, you began to ponder possible ways to obtain food and water. Luckily this new arena was filled to the brim with animals that you could hunt and consume. Although eating possible insects or exotic pests wasn’t exactly something you’d be proud to do, it was all in the name of survival.

However you decided that water was the more vital need. You were already pushing the envelope for dehydration, the expected time without it was three days. If you had to, you could last a few more days without food.

Jungles meant waterfalls, right?

Or at least rain?

You wiped your forehead and heaved a deep breath in preparation for another day that could be your last.

Although it wasn’t the best strategy, you had no choice but to wander seamlessly without any direction. What else could you do when the arena changes every 24 hours? Any knowledge you could retain about your surroundings would prove to be useless come the following day. Thus you set off into the tree line, hoping to come across some sort of clean water source.

Out of the three natural settings you had been put into, this jungle was quickly becoming your least favorite. The very air was heavy with the worst type of heat; a sticky and itchy one that delved into your very pores. Bugs were constant and slowed you down, they swarmed you as if your blood was a siren and continuously bit at an open surface of your skin. There also wasn’t any clear pathways to follow, you had to fight your way through all the greenery. You just hoped that none of the plants you brushed past were poisonous.

If you had to guess, you would estimate that it had been 15 minutes into your aimless journey when something rather unusual happened.

You heard a rustle occur from a few feet away from you, a slight one that shook some leaves from a bush nearby.

Normally, this would be cause for concern in an arena. Yet this jungle was so noisy and bristling with movement that it was hardly noticeable at first. Hell, it was practically more alive than you were at this moment.

Your logic was that it was most likely an animal of some kind instead of another tribute. Nonetheless you stilled and held your breath, anticipating a sudden appearance. You hardly bit back the urge to run as fast as you could in the opposite direction, but if it was indeed an animal then that action would only trigger a violent reaction against you or even a brutal hunt.

You fought against the instinct and waited while counting the passing seconds. ‘One, two, three, four-’

A boisterous yell broke from deep within the chest of an unseen attacker.

In a blurry spasm of movement, you caught sight of a tall yet slender female form burst from the greenery in an insane jump to get to you.

You barely had time to leap backwards, and even then it was far too late. The strange girl managed to land on top of your legs, successfully pinning you down to the jungle floor as you helplessly wiggled and tried to get a clear view of her face.

Her long brown hair managed to block most of it, but by the little glimpses you struggled to get you could see that she was extremely pretty. Her face was slender yet round with well-defined features and near flawless skin. Her body was sturdy as she had no trouble keeping you down, even letting out a casual huff as she pushed against your shoulders to keep you in place (as if you were more of a slight bother than a real hassle) when you attempted to sit up and swing.

You wanted nothing more than to give her a good hit before booking it and never looking back, but the odds were insurmountable. It didn’t take long before you deduced that she must’ve been fairing far well compared to you. While your energy had been burned down to simmering ashes as hunger and thirst consumed you, this nameless tribute seemed all too healthy and willingly aggressive.

Her hands against you shoulder slowly crept up to your neck, slowly curling around the base and pressing her sharp nails into the skin.

You let out a strangled cry, your dry throat not being able to manage a full out scream.

“Wait a minute.” Her husky voice rasped before she took one hand to brush her hair back, allowing the sun to capture her now bare face.

Your breath caught in your throat and suddenly your struggles became more frantic.

It was the girl from Seven.

While not a career by any means, she still proved herself a worthy competitor with a high personal score. And by the way she was glowering above you, it was obvious that she was not afraid to kill to get ahead.

“Aren’t you the girl that Two is in love with?” She questioned with an indescribable look upon her face.

You stilled.

There are moments in every game where you can directly affect your fate in a very drastic manner. Camouflaged in her simple question was a bigger dilemma that could either make or break you. The issue was that you didn’t know which one it will be. Either you can agree that 2 was indeed in love with you and maybe even give a little white lie about him being your ally. That had a high probability of scaring her, as who in their right mind would want to mess with him, and by extension you? However it could be argued that it was also a double edged sword. Perhaps she was just as ambitious as the careers, if not more so, and would have no problem poking the bear that is Jungkook via killing you. Maybe she would even enjoy it more knowing that she involved herself into the ‘star-crossed lovers’ story line and put an end to it all, stealing attention from you to her.

Your eyes furiously swept side to side in attempt to get a better view of your surroundings.

All chances of escaping were futile.

If you disagreed, her plans to hurt you wouldn’t change and she’d carry on with her murdering of you. But if you went along with it, there was an almost sure guarantee that she’d have a reaction. That reaction could be good or bad, but it was the only chance you had. It was scary to flip a coin on your chances of survival, but what other options did you have?

“Yes, w-we’re together.” You stuttered out, hoping that she took your awkward tone as a result o her practically smothering your windpipe and not you lying through your teeth.

Her brow raised at that, her stern expression uplifting for a brief moment to form an over-exaggerated look of confusion and concern.

“Where is your boy toy then? Pretty stupid of him to let you wander on your own.”

“He’s nearby.” you fibbed, faking confidence and glaring up at her as if she just signed her death wish.

Jennie let out a giggle, a sound that would be somewhat cute if the circumstances were any different than her about to commit murder. “Let’s say I believe you. Do you think he’d get back in time to save you and capture me?”

You hated to falter, but she did have a point.

If she was smart, she’d take her chance now to get rid of you because god only knows when she’d come across you again. And clearly she had the advantage, you had no ability to fight back. Even if Jungkook was close (which he wasn’t), she’d still have ample time to end you and run far into the jungle before another tribute could even stumble across the unfortunate scene.

Tears welled up and blurred your vision.

You were going to die.

The end of your simple, short but honest life was going to occur in the middle of some artificial habitat, via a bloodthirsty stranger making a show out of your demise in which your friends and family from home would be forced to watch along with the rest of the nation. May your corpse be one of many examples the capitol shall use for warning against any possible rebellion.

You lasted three days, a pathetic 72 hours would be the wrap up of your entire existence. In some weird twist of desperation you thought about how you could’ve played this game differently. Would you have survived if you teamed up with Two and the rest of the careers? If you tried harder to ally yourself with your District mate? Or if you decided to chase after the kid from Twelve and form a team?

But while those different paths were clouded in unseen potential, they were void of anything tangible much less useful given your current circumstance.

You fell limp and gazed up at her hallowly, managing to catch a glimpse of your crying expression in the reflection of her dark orbs.

She stared back at you; a mutual understanding of what was to come.

Gone was the show or theatrics, now all that had left to be done was the actual act itself of killing you.

She the predator, you the prey.

“Any last wor-”

A blurry and hurried movement cut her off, it was so sudden and unexpected that all you were able to process was that 7 was now off of you. Instead of gazing up at her, your line of sigh was now met with the blue sky and branches of the taller trees.

You blinked slowly in bewilderment.

Seven was seemingly knocked off of you...but how?

Strangled yelps and more wrestling movement occurred somewhere beside you, the vibration and intensity of it causing the ground underneath you to quiver, but due to your state of shock you weren’t focusing on it at all. You were slowly gaining your senses back, you body taking it’s time to adjust to the new ability to breathe freely all the while adapting to the sudden postponement of your death.

You sat up, ignoring the pounding ache that your cranium responded with, and twisted your head to the side in order to behold what became of your killer.

You let out a bleak and disbelieving chuckle at the scene that greeted you.

The hunter became the prey.

In some ironic twist of fate, Seven was now pinned under another tribute. By the throat to be exact, an almost perfect replica of the position you were in just seconds ago.

Seven was spluttering out, trying her best to yell or at least make some type of noise, but all attempts to do so were futile.

She stood no chance against the girl on top of her.

Said girl had inky black hair that was strictly fastened into a high ponytail, her skin was fair and glistening with what must’ve been sweat and her body was lengthy and muscular; making the act of strangling Seven look like a walk in the park.

It was odd to feel sympathy for the girl who almost just killed you, but watching Seven’s face turn red and eventually blue as she silently screamed was heartbreaking enough to almost make you want to push the mystery girl off of her.

Almost. But not quite enough.

It took some time to strangle someone, so by that logic you should have enough time to get up and run. This would’ve been a flawless plan if it weren’t for the fact that your legs were numb due to all the time you had Seven on top of you, and thus essentially rendered useless.

The absolute most you could achieve was some pathetic army-crawl, and obviously that was not going to get you far enough.

But could it be argued that if this unknown girl truly wanted you dead then she would’ve let Seven had her way with you before offing Seven herself?

That line of thought was your only chance of getting out of here alive.

The struggles of Seven eventually subsided, her eyes glazing over unfocused before closing entirely. Her body went limp as if she suddenly fainted, but the truth was she finally succumbed to the lack of oxygen and died.

The sound of a cannon shot through the jungle.

You watched as the girl slowly got off of Seven, heaving a huff and rubbing her hands together as if exhausted from the strenuous activity of literally wringing the life out of someone.

You lips began to move on their own accord, both pleads and questions racing to get out first.

She turned to face you.

Your jaw dropped.

Technically you weren’t lying at all to Seven.

Two was indeed close by, but it wasn’t Jungkook.

It was Joy.

Her porcelain face was marred with blue and purple bruises, the color so contrasting to her otherwise flawless skin tone that you couldn’t help the inaudible gasp that escaped your lips.

Who did that to her?

She scoffed down at you, unimpressed with your spineless yet shocked state.

“Calm down, I’m not gonna hurt you idiot. Why would I save your sorry ass if that was the case?”

“What do you want then?” You attempted to bark back, trying to keep some sense of pride in this obvious imbalance of power.

“Allies.” She shrugged, as if it was the most obvious thing.

“And why would I team up with you?”

She glanced at the fresh corpse behind her before looking back at you, staring at you meaningfully as she said; “Because I’m the only one who knows the truth about you and Jungkook and probably your only chance of fighting back.”

^^^ me pretending to not see the 100+ people glaring at me for taking literally months to update. Anyway, I’m sorry Jungkook isn’t in this part that much but this will be the last part before Y/n’s and Jk’s game fully intertwine. I planned a really big plot twist to end on but I think I’m just gonna save that for it’s own chapter bc I think I’d need like 10k to do that twist justice. I think part one was better but like...oh well. Please comment, reblog and send asks in, all that good stuff. I miss writer/reader interaction, bro. Also, the reason the scene descriptions of the arenas are short is bc I originally had plugged in photos of the habitats but the links weren’t working on tumblr. I can repost them if anyone’s interested.

EXTRA INFO; For those of you who were with me since part one, I did a beta reader thingy for chapter two and I’d really like to do that again for chapter three. Last time I gave out a quiz and the winners got the chance to read the first 5k and eventually have 24 hour access before it was posted publicly. This time, I want more in-depth analysis. So if you wanna be a beta reader for chapter three, please reblog this with an analysis of your own about the story and my writing. At the end put something like (BR) so I know you are trying out for a beta reader position. I think I’ll chose around 8-10 people. And I will reach out to those people when I have them picked out.

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uwuwriting · 4 years

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Heartbreak 101 II Chapter 3 “Chibi-chan~”

Synopsis: Y/N L/N has been Yaku’s little secret for years. The two being best friends since toddlers, Yaku sees Y/N like a sister and is ready to scare away any potential heartbreaks that present themselves. But when his captain falls head over heels for the shy girl, things can’t help but get complicated. Will they manage to overcome the obstacles and be happy or will this be their first real heartbreak?

masterlist II rules

TAG TEAM AY:

@the-arcana-fan-fic @angelwritings @axerrri @reinyrei @dnarez @storage11037 @ezoyscorner @letscheereachotheron @wolfkid22 @dark-thoughts-and-red-roses @threeamwriting @ysatrap @yashinosakura

With sluggish movements, Y/N finally made her way downstairs, meeting her best friend outside a pout on her lips. Yaku ignored her antics and started heading towards school, making small talk as if she wasn’t about to have a mental breakdown. He went on and on about practice, about Lev and what he did yesterday after school but he never mentioned Kuroo or their predicament. Soon enough the school’s gate came into view making Y/N still her movements, Yaku taking a few steps ahead before glaring back at her.

“He isn’t going to eat you.” He said coming to stand in front of her. The worry on her face was evident, there was a crease in between her brows while she was nibbling on her bottom lip, a habit she had since she was five. Mori’s mom always said that it was a cute little quirk of hers but he knew better; anxiety ticks are hard to get rid of. When he agreed to let Kuroo meet her he thought that it would be good for her to interact with someone new; maybe they would hit it off so well that they became close friends. He mentally slaps himself for forgetting how shy she gets around strangers. Letting out a sigh he cupped her cheeks, slightly raising her head so their eyes could meet giving her a reassuring smile. “I can always cancel it. If you believe you can’t do it then you just have to say the word. We’ll just forget about all this and get ice cream after class.”

She thought about it. It would spare her the embarrassment of meeting the captain. It would be an easy way out. But… she had made a promise with herself and Mori. She would try to battle this, this drowning feeling, this weight on her chest. She knew Mori wouldn’t be her guardian angel forever, she knew of his dreams and goals and how they would force them into different routes in life. They would never lose each other- they had promised that when they were 10- but he wouldn’t be always here to protect her. She needed to battle it, she needed to overpower her fear and see the world in its full glory. If she ran away again, like she had done all those other times in her life, she most likely would regret it. Plus Kuroo is a decent person according to Mori and if Mori approves then she approves.

“No, I-I’ll do it.” Giving him a wobbly smile of her own she grabbed his wrist and moved forward, a new sense of determination in her step.

~~~~~~~~~

This was a bad idea. Kuroo was …. something else. He was nice and polite, giving her and Mori a small bow when he saw them. But dear god. Where did they make him?? He was a greek god walking in between mere mortals. Tall with broad shoulders, raven hair that brought out his amber eyes and a smile that could make the most dominant woman sway. He was both intimidating and gentle. The smirk on his features gave a certain edge to him making him all that more attractive. She was at loss of words, her voice going completely out as she stared up at him, soft gaze locking with hers.

“I’m Kuroo Tetsuro, it’s very nice to meet you.” He said shifting his whole attention to her as Mori walked off. “I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I-I didn’t mean to knock you down.” He cleared his throat as a blush creeped up his neck and took its seat on his cheeks. He averted his gaze before composing himself and giving her another broad smile.

“I-it’s alright, Kuroo-san. I um wasn’t watching where I was going either so I-I guess we’re even?” She tilted her head to the side, a lopsided smile spreading across her face. His smile was contagious. Kuroo found her to be the cutest thing he had seen in a fat while. She had a blush on her cheeks that must be matching his and her little grin could knock him into a comma. He had been around cute girls before but they couldn’t compare to the effect she had on him.

“I didn’t catch your name, chibi-chan~.” At the sound of the nickname he was sure she had passed out. She jumped a little and her face became beet red, her eyes darting around his features avoiding his eyes at all costs. Maybe that was a little too forward for her, he thought as he watched her struggle to formulate words.

“I-I’m s-so sorry, t-that was so rude. I-I don’t k-know what c-came over me.” She rambled for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders. Extending her arm for a hand shake she finally locked gazes with him, a certain glint in both of their eyes. “L/N Y/N.”

Broadening his smile, he took her hand in his giving it a firm shake. The small spark of electricity coursing through him made his smile practically shine and he secretly hoped he wasn’t the only one who felt it.

He found her by accident. A pleasant encounter if you asked him. She was sitting at a bench in the far end of the school yard, a secluded area that had an amazing view now that he thinks of it. Her lunch was sitting untouched next to her while she was holding a camera to her face, the continuous click of the lens going off being the only sound apart from the chirping birds.

“I half expected to never see you again, chibi-chan.” He called out waking her from her trance. She was like a deer in headlights at that moment; eyes wide and cheeks dusted with a blush as her mouth was slightly ajar in a small o. He smiled at her again moving to stand next to her. “Would you mind if I joined you?”

“Don’t you want to be with your friends?” She deadpanned, all sings of shyness evaporating for a few moments as her eyes bore into his. She was careful at that moment, calculating his words as she waited for an answer. She had been made fun of one too many times so of course she would be careful. Pretty boys like him liked to toy with the ‘shy ones’ and as much as she liked him she didn’t know him in the end.

“They will survive without me for once, you seem to be in need of a friend more than them chibi-chan.” He said with a smirk, letting his bag fall. “So? Do you mind?”

“I-I’m not exactly the most um… “

“Talkative?”

“I was gonna say friendly but that works too.”

“We don’t have to talk, I’ll just keep you company.” He smiled at her again settling on the bench, a fair distance from her. She realized that he was giving her space, he didn’t want to crowd her. Warmth spread through her chest at the realization, heat blooming on her cheeks again as she went back to her camera. They sat in comfortable silence; Kuroo eating his lunch while going through his chemistry textbook while Y/N fiddled with her camera taking bites of her own food every now and then. Kuroo was tempted to nudge her to eat more but he didn’t want to overstep. She reminded him of himself when he was younger; the shyness and that constant anxiety was almost identical to his. Knowing that, he wasn’t going to push her; he wanted to befriend her at her own pace and he wasn’t going to follow his attraction to her. First friendship and then maybe in the future a relationship would bloom. I’m perfectly fine being her friend. The serenity was ruined by his phone vibrating. At first he expected it to stop after a few messages but nope it kept on going until his restraint broke.

“I-Is everything alright, Kuroo-san?” She peered at him.

“Um y-yeah just my teammates being annoying.” He chuckled a little bit before turning back to look at her. “Why isn’t Yaku with you? He told me you two are very close.”

“Oh um we d-don’t usually eat together, i-it’s mostly like once a week.” She took another bite of hee onigiri before continuing. “We usually buy each other food. He wanted to meet up today-”

“Did I ruin your lunch? Crap I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to screw it up for you two, I-”

“No no its fine I texted him that I was with you-”

“I’m so sorry L/N-san-”

“Why are you two panicking?” Both of them turned around to find Yaku standing with a tray in hand, walking over to them and wiggling his small ass in between them. “You better not be making her uncomfortable Kuroo.”

“N-no he didn’t! It was perfect!” She held her arms up trying to calm her best friend down before he did a John Cena on the handsome captain.

“Oh so you like me being here, chibi chan?” Yaku malfunctioned at that looking at you,then Kuroo in pure disbelief. Did he- did he just call HIS best friend by a nickname?

“No! I-I mean yes but n-not…”

This was going to be a long day.

#Kuroo Tetsurō #kuroo tetsuro x reader #Kuroo Tetsurou #kuroo x reader #kuroo x y/n #kuroo x you #kuroo smau #kuroo smau x reader #smau #haikyuu #Haikyu!!#haikyu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x you #haikyuu x self insert #haikyuu smau #yaku x reader #yaku morisuke

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alightwhendarknessfell · 3 years

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Album Review: From Filth And Dust - Lilith Czar

First of all, I'd like to say that this album completely blew me away. From Filth And Dust perfectly showcases Lilith's (formerly known as Juliet Simms) vocal abilities and songwriting skills. The lyrics are meaningful, witty, and raw with emotion. The vocals are clean with just the right amount of grit and pair beautifully with the instrumentals. The album tells the story of a woman who has been through hell and back, who has fought battles both external and internal. The sound is pure rock n' roll. It's not a passive album. You can't help but sing along, experiencing all the emotions the songs pack in.

The album cover, music videos, name change, and new look all work perfectly to create a stand-out album in Czar's discography.

Song Breakdown

Intro Poem: I'm a huge fan of albums with intro tracks. I think if done correctly they can really add a lot to an album and set the tone. I really liked this intro, the transition into Feed My Chaos is phenomenal. It does a good job introducing Lilith and the overarching thems of the album.

Feed My Chaos: Easily one of my favorites on the album, this song is, for lack of better words, badass. One of the heavier tracks, it's loud and in your face with hypnotizing vocals. I think this was the perfect full-length track to start the album off with.

King: The message of this song is exactly what the world needs. The lyrics are powerful and meant to ruffle the feathers of any man who thinks women should shut up and stay in their place. The first time I heard this song I remember thinking "wow, that's exactly how I feel". I hate that we live in a world that is male-dominated, where there is an innate privilege in existing in a body that is seen as "male". If that's the way the world is, then I'm not okay just being a "queen" still subservient to a man. I want to be king, equal power, and equal respect. This song perfectly captures that feeling.

Anarchy: Another one of my favorites, I'm a big fan of political songs and messages in rock. The beat of this song and vocals are top-notch. After the past four years of political insanity and the deliberateness in which the rights of oppressed communities were targeted, this song is cathartic. The end of the song really puts the exclamation point on this track; shots, sirens, and a man's voice over a loudspeaker can be heard in the background. It made me think back to last Summer and the volatile state the country was in. Very nice touch to the song.

100 Little Deaths: Another strong rock track, this is a song easily chanted from the top of your lungs driving down the highway. The message of overcoming your personal struggles is an inspiring one. I also think its placement before the next song, 'Lola' was a great choice. The messages flow together quite well and I like the dichotomy of such a hyped-up song being followed by a slower emotional one.

Lola: This song has grown on me a lot, and I really like it. There is raw emotion in Czar's voice which easily takes center place in this track. It'll have you on the brink of tears but also ready to rise up and sing your heart out. Anyone who's ever hit rock bottom and had to fight to find themself again can relate. The is one of the most open tracks on the album and I think that's what makes it so impactful. One of my favorite lyrics from the album is in this song "Time flies by when you're 25 n' about to die"

Edge of Seventeen: Stevie Nick's fan or not, I think everyone has heard this song. There's a risk that comes with covering an iconic and beloved song, and it really paid off for Czar. This is an amazing cover, her voice fits this song very well.

Bad Love: Another one of my favorites, this song is a masterpiece. It's sultry, exciting, and catchy as fuck. The song speeds up on the chorus and then slows back down for the verses; a rollercoaster that you'll have on repeat for days.

In My Head: When this song started I thought "I'm either going to really, really like this song or hate it". It did not disappoint at all. Clearly a song about fighting the demons in well... "in my head". As someone who struggles with mental health and my own thoughts this song hits home. Lyrically this is probably my favorite song as well, I mean "It gets me off like nothing else, no one fucks me like myself" come on, that's just a fucking cool line.

Unholy: Fuck... I love this song. When I saw the title for this track I had really high expectations because I love rock songs that use religious symbolism with just the right amount of blasphemy. This song gave me everything I wanted from it. I've had it on repeat all day. It's a tie between this song and the next for my #1 favorite on the album.

Burn With Me: This song reminds me of Automatic Love Letter (her old band). I love the sound of this song and the lyrics. This is my type of love song for sure. You can't help but dance around the room while singing along. Czar shows off her vocal abilities and control over her voice, hitting notes that make you go "damn- how the fuck did she do that?!?!".

Diamonds to Dust: The perfect closing song, a slower acoustic track that sums the album up and leaves you wanting more. You can literally hear the emotions in Czar's voice, and like Lola, it's a very raw track. Amazingly well done.

I rarely find albums in which I like all of the songs, but this is one of them. None of the songs feel rushed or unfinished, incredibly well done. Anyone who's written Lilith off before should honestly give this album a listen and let it speak for itself. She's an incredibly talented singer, songwriter, and musician and this album is proof of that. I've unfairly judged her and her music in the past, and I'm so glad I decided to give her and her music another chance. I believe in the message of this album and women supporting women. I can honestly say that I love this album and I highly recommend it.

Total rate: 9/10

Top tracks (in my opinion): Unholy, Burn With Me, Bad Love, Lola

#lilith czar #juliet simms #from filth and dust #album review #rock music #sumerian records

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straighttohellbuddy · 4 years

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World building is the best tbh. I’m forever world building and now I have several worlds to play in and my neurodivergent brain cannot stay still enough to focus on one lmao. SLOWBURN ROMANCES ARE MY LITERAL JAM LIKE PLS!!! I LOVE THEM!! Also!!!! Concepts!!!! Pls share!!!! I love learning about the worlds of my fave fics and I can hands down say right now that this fic will literally shoot to the top of my list of favourites which means you’ll occupy the top three spots. Sorry to hear that ur feeling rough, so am sending u the biggest hug. I’m not okay but I’m taking care of myself today so that I will be 🧡-🐈‍⬛

alsjfsldkjf i have too many worlds TBH, literally one of the best parts of my 2020 was writing for the classic rock fandom and writing one of my good friend’s ocs alongside mine, like there’s so many different worlds that our two characters have now, i’m like 26k deep into a high school au that i need to get back to at some point, and then i wrote a oneshot abt the high school au but they’re adults, and then there’s also the original timeline, and then there’s the present day in the original timeline where they have kids and i probably care too much about people who aren’t real...... hahaha

OKAY OKAY OKAY HERE WE GO I’LL GIVE KIND OF AN OVERVIEW OF THE ALBUMS AND A FEW SONGS BUT IF U WANT ME TO GO IN DEPTH ON ANY OTHER SONG JUST ASK!!!

yes i have a playlist for each, if you wanna hear how i interpret the vibes of the songs. if you interpret them differently, thats awesome!! i’d love to hear y’all’s opinions on them!!

testing one two - the first ep they release, the song titles are mostly themed (fast forward, press play, pause, rewind), but are mostly things y/n has been working on for a while but never got around to finishing, things they are rather proud of. i see you shiver with... is the first song they wrote specifically for the album, and it’s the last song on the EP because it’s a Rocky Horror reference; i see you shiver with...

a n t i c i p a t i o n - first full album!! the vibe is Hopeful But Hesitant it has all the songs from the ep, plus some new ones!! collabs with youtube musicians troye and dodie, and y/n’s label sets up a collab that turns into a genuine friendship. the breakout dance hit is what else is there to say ft. Troye Sivan, which is about not knowing what to make content about when it feels like you’ve already told the world everything. it featured the prechorus and hook

You, know, ev-ery-thing about me / gave it all for free / my life in HD / So, let’s dance, let me see your hips sway / we’re gonna be okay / what else is there to say?

So say that you love me, say that you love me, say that you love me / let’s die hand in hand. / I’ll tell you I love you, tell you I love you, tell you I love you / supply and demand.

personally, i also conceptually enjoy srs bsns which is a really upbeat song about how they don’t care if people don’t take them seriously because they know in their heart that what they’re doing is good

hyperfocus - 2nd EP, a pretty substantial departure from their usual style, but also happens to quietly be Corpse’s favourite, and is actually y/n’s most polarising, because it has both the Grammy award winning HEARTBURN and the o brother where art thou which was written partially as a joke to capture a fond moment of them and 5SOS dicking around together in a hotel. written while on tour wit 5SOS, im writing the reader as having ADHD (because I have ADHD and i can do what i want), and the backstory is that they’d changed the medication/dosage they were taking, and as it’s their first full tour, they were under a lot of stress and were in a weird place mentally and emotionally, and hyperfocus is the result of that. i’m going through some stuff has HUGE agoraphobic vibes.

HEARTBURN has the same vibes as Florence + The Machines’ Howl. It’s about being a demon without saying that or directly implying that unless you know demons real well. This is when the pressure for them to confirm their identity got real bad, and it was their way of working through those emotions.

tear in existence in the shape of a person / when i’m seeing clearly i can’t see myself / world can’t swallow what it can’t get it’s teeth into / got everything i wanted but i ain’t got my health

Got heart-burn--- / I’ll tear me apart / I’ll tear you apart / I’ll tear me apart.

SCREAM gets rereleased as a remixed single featuring Fall Out Boy the following year. It won the MTV music award for best collaboration in 2018.

In the time between hyperfocus and working on it, Y/N releases several singles, including a cover of Tell Him by The Exciters to be featured in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. They also take time to sort out their health, do a little bit more YT stuff, and travel internationally to do festivals.

working on it - is kind of a middle ground between their original stuff, and hyperfocus, like pop-punk meets horror-pop meets whatever you’d classify halsey as. the first three songs were mostly written before the fic starts, so before they’re getting back to YT, but the last three, nightmare scenario, designed to hurt (touch me), and not scared were all written after they’d started hanging out with sykkuno and corpse.

in-universe, imposter syndrome was originally something else, along the same lines of tired that they’re hiding that they’re a demon, but after meeting corpse nd sykkuno and having people who know, and lowkey being influenced by corpse’s music, the song changes directions, and YO OKAY YO::

I literally am so fucking flattered, my darling friend @bingusmode wrote lyrics for imposter syndrome and I’ve been yELLING about them ever since i’ve read them!! (also bunnie is fantastic and lovely in general 10/10)

if you thought you saw me

i’d think about it twice

cuz while i know i’m naughty

everybody thinks i’m nice

cutest giggles get me

places that i long to be

but it’s not long before

everybody hates me

when you figure out i’m fucked up

you’ll probably think that can’t be right

but babe my image runs to save me

cuz i’m ugly day and night

nothing good about me

not the angel that i seem

cuz i’m a piece of shit

and i’ll ruin your fuckin dreams

i’m an impostor babe

you better run for your life

cuz there’s a bloodlust runnin through me

and you’re dripping off my knife

there’s no one here to save you

cuz you ate up all my lies

so beg me while you can

and draft up all your goodbyes

if any of y’all are inspired by anything i put out, feel free to take it and run!! you have my blessing!! i am so overwhelmingly flattered by people who like my stuff enough to create because of it, directly or indirectly! lyrics, art, songs, anything!! legit! I love you!!

okay so designed to hurt (touch me) has big House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco vibes, and YES it’s about Corpse. YES it sends mixed messages. YES it has greek myth imagery and YES that imagery is confusing. not sure if any of these sets of lyrics actually go after each other but also idk??

will my fall from grace be graceful / as each move i see you make? / propped up on pedestals side by side / beneath our feet they shake / i’m the only one to hear you ask / “What have they done to me?” / My boy, your wax throne is sun-drenched / you’ll fall in the name of your legacy.

eyes like yours watched rome burn / while hands like mine lit the pyre / we both heard me say we’d go down in flames / now you’re turning me into a liar / since you smile like that, like you can’t feel the sting / and we both know i can’t feel the fire

been telling myself i’m designed to hurt / but, baby, aren’t we a sight? /

check your reflection, your angles, apollo / you’re icarus in the right light /

we’re on the edge, i’m not scared to fall / we’ll take refuge in the night /

been telling yourself you’re designed to hurt / but, baby, doesn’t this feel right?

also, albumtouralbumtour is a reference to Bohemian Rhapsody.

OKAY AND FINALLY

n o s t a l g i a - the album the reader’s working on during the fic.

literally as i was writing this, bunnie sent through some FIRE lyrics for how the light gets in, (@bingusmode) i am going to be thinking about these on REPEAT for the next MONTH BRUV

little bit of darkness, treat me like a toy

i got my hopes up and got them destroyed

bitter taste of regret sitting heavy on my tongue

can’t believe i let you convince me that you were the one

sitting here in silence, fabric running thin

petals burning in my lungs and stealing oxygen

embers from a cigarette falling to the floor

god i can’t take anymore

so i stumble to the window and pull the shades

and the moon pours in like you threw a grenade

i can’t understand why

i keep trying

cuz i never seem to win

but having any hope is how the light gets in

from there, moment before impact ft. Billie Eilish is a club anthem along the lines of bad guy or COPYCAT, bass heavy with a drop that’s out of this world.

powdered pain, i’m in your veins / i’m the sting, the drip, the thing / you’re craving, but you hate to see me misbehaving / i heard my breakdown got you high / it’s true, but baby i can’t lie / i never got that rush, that burn / that makes you feel alive, i had to learn / to pick the slippery slope down which i fell / plan my pitstops on the way to hell / to pick my padding before i spiral / so if i break it’ll be in style

watch my misdirect, now freeze, / notice you can’t see the forest for the trees / you’re so desperate for my demise / but baby, i’ll make you watch me rise.

this is the moment before impact

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i know you hope i’m not okay / you get off on my audio misery

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i need you to know i want it this way / my breakdown won me a grammy

and this is the moment before impact

ur my favourite - interlude ft. sykkuno is probably one of my favourites, it’s just really soft, just a snippet of a conversation between the reader and sykkuno, maybe one of them told a joke and they both just sound real happy and sweet. its nice. it’s a nice moment.

means something is also for sykkuno!! it’s about how good-strange it is to be open and honest with friends, and how they usually aren’t but they’re glad they can be open and honest with him!!

meanwhile, i don’t think about u - interlude ft. CORPSE is a phonecall between corpse & the reader right after they announce they’re going to feature on acting like that, where corpse asks if they do this sort of thing to spite him, to which the reader responds ‘do i consider you when i’m making decisions about my career? no, corpse, actually i don’t think about you at all’ which then directly contrasts the song that ends the album, which is (how it feels to be) beautiful fireworks, which is essentially ‘i know how hard it is to exist like this, to be the centre of attention, to give off light and bring people joy, even when you’re in pain. i’m here for you. i love you.’

okay, i swear im done now, i’ll get back to writing the fic! (also i cannot BELIVE i managed to figure out how to embed those playlists but im so happy) edit: it didn’t actually work when i posted the ask, so anyways im sorry but y’all are abt to be spammed with playlists because i care too much abt this fic

#Anonymous #how the light gets in #corpse husband x reader #black cat anon

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ridiculousn3sswrites · 3 years

Text

Festival - My Princess Pt. 10

*Zendaya x Reader

*Summary: Reader convinces Zendaya to go to a festival with her, Prince Thomas, and Harrison.

*Warnings: Bullying rich kids, Harrison trying to embarrass Thomas at every turn, metaphor of kicking a puppy. Let me know if I missed anything!

*A/N: So I have to start prepping for the LSAT and that gave me a mental breakdown in which I applied for a data science bootcamp that I got accepted to. Life’s wild.

Tip Jar

Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine || Part Ten

**********

As the ball drew nearer, the palace guards were no closer to discovering who the library visitor was. You’d begun to get used to the additional security after a few days, but having to revert to the top-secret relationship you’d had with Zendaya at the beginning instead of the more casual relationship you’d enjoyed recently was difficult. Zendaya would meet with you during the afternoon to begin her shift and stayed with you until the morning, but even the small moments that you’d stolen before were restricted. Laying with your head in Zendaya’s lap in the gardens wasn’t allowed anymore as there was another guard about ten feet away. Stolen kisses lasted mere seconds, made that much riskier by someone else on the other side of the door. You tried not to let it affect you, but you had to admit you were getting a little touch starved here.

It took about a week after your tea for Prince Thomas to formally introduce you to Harrison, giving you time to prepare yourself. You sent a messenger to Rihanna, asking her to ensure that Harrison knew Prince Thomas wasn’t aware the two of you had met just yet. Things needed to appear as naturally occurring as possible if you didn’t want to raise suspicion from the young Prince, and already knowing his best friend wasn’t the way to do that. Harrison, of course, was the perfect actor, bowing deeply and kissing your hand as though he was trying to flatter you. Prince Thomas rolled his eyes, but he smacked Harrison upside the head.

You walked with the two of them to one of the entertaining parlors, planning on taking tea there for the afternoon. Harrison was going on about yet another story from their teenage years, making you laugh at his exaggerated gestures and language. Prince Thomas had a pink tinge burning the tips of his ears, but he smiled as he watched you interacting with his best friend. He’d never seen you so relaxed - outside of when he’d interrupted you and Lady Zendaya - and it was a nice change. You were really so beautiful, even moreso when you weren’t weighed down by the expectations and responsibilities of your title. “Alright, Haz, I think you’ve embarrassed me enough,” he interrupted the story with a laugh.

“Aw, I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet,” Harrison whined. Prince Thomas knew exactly where the story was headed, and it wasn’t exactly the best part for him - it involved a rather unfortunate incident with a pond and an unplanned swim.

“If that’s without the best part, I can’t imagine what the best part is,” you laughed. Hanging out with Harrison and Prince Thomas - people actually around your age - had been a nice change of pace. Sure, there were the children of nobles, but you never really hung out with any of them. The only person around your age you constantly hung out with was Zendaya, and you’d argue that your relationship was definitely different than just having friends. Even though you were equals when it came to your relationship, she still worked for your family. It was nice to have friends.

“Right, well, I’ll just have to tell you the rest of the story later. So, what were you like growing up? A little troublemaker too?” Harrison asked, pressing to get you to finally talk about yourself. You’d been content listening to Harrison and Prince Thomas’s stories, but you didn’t really think you had any stories like them.

“Oh, uh, well, I didn’t really have the space to be. I was kind of kept in the castle to do my lessons and such,” you explained with a nervous laugh. If Zendaya were here, she’d know how to get you out of the spotlight.

“Wait, you never snuck out or anything?” Prince Thomas asked. “Me and Haz used to sneak into town all the time.”

“I would sneak out every now and then, but I would just visit the High Priestess.” It wasn’t necessarily wrong, you and Zendaya tended to sneak out to hang out with Rihanna. You couldn’t really risk being out and about without getting noticed by someone.

“That’s it, we’re sneaking out,” Harrison said, a bit too loudly. Without thinking, you smacked Harrison’s arm, much to the amusement of Prince Thomas. “Ow, what was that for?!”

“You act like the guard can’t hear you,” you said in a hushed tone. “If he hears, he’s gonna go snitch to the other guards.”

“Ooo, so she’s not against it,” Harrison joked. “Right, so I was out in town the other day and I heard they were setting up a festival. Tonight should be the first night if I remember right.”

“Wait, we have her main guard to worry about,” Prince Thomas said, still talking in hushed tones as you entered the parlor. “She tends to watch you at night, doesn’t she?”

“She does. Don’t worry about Lady Zendaya, I’ll tell her about it,” you brushed him off. Now, you weren’t exactly sure if Zendaya would be completely on board with going out with your fiance and his best friend, but it sounded like fun. Plus, Zendaya would probably appreciate you taking a break from your work. Maybe the two of you could use the opportunity as a date of sorts, even if you couldn’t be too open about your romantic affections.

“Wait, your guard would be okay with you sneaking out?” Prince Thomas asked, tilting his head slightly.

“How do you think I snuck out the first few times?” you asked with a small smile. Harrison laughed, already knowing somewhat about you and Zendaya. “Alright, so, what’s the end of that story? Please tell me Prince Thomas fell in the pond.”

“Not only did he fall in the pond! Tom, pour the tea, would you? I have more important matters at hand,” Harrison laughed as you took your seats around the small table. Prince Thomas just shook his head, smiling as he poured the tea anyways. He could handle the embarrassment if it meant he got to see you smile like that again.

You truly didn’t mind spending time with the Prince and his friend, but there was still work you needed to complete. Rihanna sent the approved guest list to you with a note of which visiting princesses were available for courting, and which ones were off limits. You wanted to narrow down your list to a few people to actively try to steer the Prince towards. Though you knew you couldn’t exactly force him to fall for someone else, you figured you could nudge him in the right direction. You had a good idea of who would be on this list, but you still needed to iron out the last few wrinkles - their courting history, if they’d had any previous engagements fall through for one reason or another, anything similar that could impact their compatibility with the Prince. Even if you didn’t want to be with him, you wanted to find the perfect candidates.

Before you knew it, the sun had set and you were once again working by candlelight. You chatted with the guard assigned to your side, him intrigued by your interest in foreign affairs as he noticed you pulling resources about the other kingdoms. You entertained the conversation as though your interest was anything other than selfish, kind of glad to have someone to talk to rather than just mumbling to yourself as you went about your work. The guard was in the middle of a sentence when the guard in the hallway opened the door. He quickly stopped talking, standing straight as Lady Zendaya walked into the room. “I’m here to relieve you. Thank you for your work.”

“Of course, Lady Zendaya. Take care, Princess, I enjoyed our talk,” he said, turning to you.

“I did as well. I hope you have a pleasant evening.” With a smile, you silently dismissed him. He nodded, leaving the library. As soon as the door was closed behind him, you turned to your beloved with a genuine smile. “So, how would you feel about going into town tonight?”

“Would this be an official visit or unauthorized?” Zendaya asked, sitting on the edge of the desk.

“Well…” you trailed off, hoping she would understand without actually making you say it. She just sat there, looking at you and waiting for you to finish. “Perhaps it would be unauthorized.”

“My Princess, I don’t know if that would be wise,” Zendaya said after a pause. You knew she was trying to avoid disappointing you by carefully choosing her words. “After all, we still haven’t caught our visitor yet and we don’t know if they intended to cause harm to you. I’m not sure if it would be safe.”

“What if there were more people than just the two of us?”

“Well, there is safety in numbers, but who else would be there?” Zendaya asked, considering it.

“Prince Thomas and Harrison.”

“No.”

“What? Why not?”

“There’s more liability there. I would have to watch over you, a visiting Prince, and his friend who just so happens to be an advisor’s son. If something were to happen, then I don’t know,” Zendaya trailed off.

“Darling, I don’t think it’s likely someone would attack Prince Thomas or Harrison in our kingdom. They’ve already been in town a few times and haven’t drawn much attention during the days. I promise not to leave your side,” you tried convincing her. “Please? They were telling me about a festival that starts tonight.”

“Tonight? My Princess, that’s not enough time for me to plan for this,” Zendaya protested. You pouted at her, just enough to border obnoxious. “No, don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I just kicked a puppy in front of you.”

“That would be a look of abject horror, Z,” you said, still pouting. Zendaya sighed loudly, letting you know that you were slowly winning this. If she were to actually put her foot down, you’d understand, but you could tell there was room for convincing still.

“You know what? Fine, I’ll agree to all of us going to the festival tomorrow night.” Before you could celebrate, she put her hand up. “But I’m going to be the one planning everything for getting out of the castle. Lord knows I won’t trust the three royals to do that.”

You put your hand to your chest in mock offense. “I’ll have you know Harrison isn’t a royal.”

“I know. Now, pack up for the night. I had your dinner sent to your room and I don’t want you working too late.”

“I wouldn’t be working late if you snuck out with me and the boys.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“And yet you love me.”

“Unfortunately I do.”

“Wait, what do you mean unfortunately? Zendaya?”

**********

Zendaya took her first shift with you during the afternoon, accompanying you to the gardens as you took one of your many daily walks. Your secondary guard followed at a safe distance behind you as Zendaya walked by your side. As you turned the corner, just out of sight of the other guard, Zendaya dipped her head to talk lowly to you. “I sent word to the Prince and his friend about our plans for the night. I hope you’ll have fun tonight.”

“Zendaya!” You practically squealed, trying not to draw too much attention from the other guard. “If we didn’t have another guard I’d kiss you right now.”

“I see that, you’re like an excited puppy right now,” Zendaya laughed.

“What’s with all the puppy references lately?”

“Don’t make fun of me.”

“I won’t, just please tell me.”

“I had a dream a while ago where we got a puppy together and I have to admit, it was nice to imagine.” You couldn’t help the smile that grew on your face, your mind immediately providing you with the image of you and Zendaya living in a small cottage somewhere on the outskirts of the kingdom, a small dog running around as you both went about tending to your duties. You pictured yourself baking something, even though you’d never baked in your life. “And now you’re being weird about it. Princess?”

You shook your head, banishing the nice little daydream for the moment (storing it to go back to later when you were trying to fall asleep). “Say, do you think the chefs would let me in the kitchen if I say I want to learn how to bake?”

“And where did that come from?”

“It’s just a thought.”

“Oh, Princess, I’m going to be leaving this shift a little early. I need to head into town for some supplies for tonight,” Zendaya said. “And I would suggest sending a messenger to the kitchen lead before you just appear in the kitchens.”

“What do you need to get?”

“You all dress like rich kids. I need to get you all some clothes so we can blend in better tonight. Once they send me their measurements, I’m going to leave. I’ll resume position as soon as I return and deliver the clothes.” You nodded, not that she really needed to ask permission to leave. You did appreciate her letting you know what she was doing, it would help ease your mind wandering to what she was doing, as you often did when she wasn’t with you.

“So you don’t think we’d be able to go undetected?” You joked.

“Not without my help, no,” Zendaya said, looking at her pocketwatch. “You have about ten minutes before you need to meet with your parents to discuss final details about the ball.”

“Ah, right, that’s happening soon. It’s still a wonder the Prince hasn’t gone home yet, it’s been how long?”

“Months. I heard talk he’d be heading home shortly after the ball, apparently his parents have the same mindset as us,” Zendaya told you. You furrowed your brow at the news; while you weren’t opposed to the Prince going home and leaving you alone even for a short time, you wondered why he hadn’t brought it up yet. You’d like to think the two of you were at least that close.

“Interesting,” you said instead of voicing your thoughts. You’d be able to talk to the Prince about it later - well, more like eventually. “We should start heading back to the palace so I’m not late.”

“Of course, my Princess,” Zendaya said before repeating your statement to the guard tailing you two. As soon as your group was out of the gardens, you could see a messenger waiting anxiously near the entrance. They seemed to brighten at the sight of Zendaya, which didn’t go unnoticed by the woman in question. She looked down at you with a small smile. “It appears I’m going to head into town sooner than expected. I’ll walk with you to your meeting and fetch a replacement to meet you at the door. I’ll see you later.”

You didn’t see Zendaya until a few hours later, which was later than you’d expected. Sure, you knew it took a while to actually get to town, but you expected it to be a quick visit. Zendaya slipped into your room as you worked at your desk, holding a bundle of brown paper. “So you’ve finally come back,” you joked, looking back at her.

“I needed to get things in order. Lady Rihanna agreed to house our horses until we come back to the palace, I spoke with the night stable boy to get horses for Harrison and the Prince, everything is ready for us to go to the festival,” she told you. “And here are your clothes for the night.”

You turned in your chair, watching as she put the package down on the bed. “How are we going to get out of the room, though? I don’t suppose we’d be able to get the other guard in on this.”

“Okay, so technically you aren’t supposed to know about this, so promise you won’t use this without telling me,” Zendaya warned. You nodded, curious as to what she could possibly be talking about. As soon as you nodded, Zendaya moved towards the bookshelf by your bed. With minimal effort, she was able to move the bookshelf, revealing a staircase. She stepped into the stairwell before pulling the bookshelf shut behind her. Zendaya opened the bookshelf again, stepping back into your room. “It’s an emergency exit in case the castle were to come under siege. It leads to the gardens, so we’ll be able to go to the stables quickly from there. I’m afraid the Prince and Harrison will have to find their own ways down, but they aren’t under the security you are.”

“How did I never know that was there?!” You questioned, standing up from your chair and joining her by the bookshelf. “That’s amazing! You know how I love secret corridors, how did you not tell me about this?!”

“Because then it’d be a lot easier for you to sneak out,” Zendaya told you. “I was informed about the passage once I became your official guard, so I don’t know how you managed to go all these years without noticing it. You’ve lived here your entire life.”

You rolled your eyes at her teasing, opting instead to see what she decided would be appropriate for your outing. There were a few articles of clothing in the package: a simple dark green dress, a black cloak, and some simple underclothes instead of the hoop skirts and such that you were normally expected to wear. “Why the cloak?”

“It’s supposed to be cold tonight and the hood will help conceal your identity should it be needed,” she explained. “We’re going to be leaving in a couple hours, do you have any work you need to do?”

“No, I think I’ve selected a good few candidates for Prince Thomas,” you said, showing her your journal. “Then again, we’ll see how things go at the ball. Speaking of which, my parents informed me that the Prince and I will be announced together.”

“That makes sense. After all, it is the first public event since your engagement,” Zendaya mused. You could tell she was trying her hardest not to be overt about her jealousy, but it was still there. “I’ll have you know I’m still going to ask for a dance anyways. Even if you are officially engaged.”

“And I’ll gladly dance with you,” you said with a smile. You pressed a kiss to her forehead, enjoying the slight height difference that finally allowed for you to do that. “Now, tell me more about this plan?”

Once Zendaya explained the plan and a couple hours had passed, you were ready to head out. Zendaya opened the door, telling the guard that you were turning in for the night to prevent any unnecessary visitors. You changed into the clothes Zendaya had selected for you, while she changed into a dark green tunic, black pants, and her own black cloak. She concealed a dagger under her tunic and another in her cloak lining, not willing to leave the palace without some form of protection for you. You turned out the lights in the room, save for one candle you would use as light down the staircase.

Zendaya went first, holding the candle in one hand and using the other to hold yours and guide you down the stairs. It was honestly a lot of stairs and you kind of dreaded having to go back up them on the way back. However, once you were out by the gardens, it was a quick tread to the stables. You were surprised to find Harrison and Prince Thomas already waiting for you, both of them dressed in white tunics, dark brown pants, and dark brown cloaks. Prince Thomas lit up when he saw the two of you approaching, waving at you. As soon as you were in earshot, Prince Thomas called out to you. “Wow! You look amazing. Are you ready to head into town?”

“Thank you, Thomas-”

“Wait, that’s the first time you haven’t called me by my title,” Prince Thomas interrupted you in excitement. The look Zendaya gave him made him backtrack a bite. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

“No worries, but I figured we should drop titles for the night. It would help us to blend in at the festival,” you explained with a smile. “You both look rather nice. Now, shall we?”

You missed the blush blooming on Prince Thomas’s face as you turned to enter the stables, but Zendaya didn’t. You went to Apollo’s stall, only for Zendaya to guide you away by the elbow. “If Apollo’s missing, they’ll know you snuck out. We’re taking a few messenger horses instead.”

“Sorry, Apollo,” you apologized to the horse over your shoulder. You caught Harrison’s amused smile at the interaction as the three of you followed Zendaya. She got the three horses ready - one for each of the guys and one for the two of you. Prince Thomas offered for you to ride with him, but Zendaya quickly out an end to that idea. Once you all were out of the stables, it was a clear shot to the town.

“I don’t want to hear word about you four getting in trouble when you’re here,” Rihanna said, helping you down from the saddle. “Casual clothes are a good look on you, by the way.”

“You’re not going to the festival?” You asked, smiling at the compliment.

“No, I went yesterday,” Rihanna told you, shaking her head. “I have work I need to get back to anyways. Who do you think pulls together last minute things for the ball?”

“My mother.”

“Well, yes, but I help her. Your mother has other things to do for the kingdom.” Rihanna turned to great the men. “Prince Thomas, Harrison, I hope you both are doing well.”

“We are. Thank you, High Priestess,” Prince Thomas replied, dipping his head in a small bow. Rihanna waved him off.

“It’s no problem. I want you both to listen to Lady Zendaya, I trust her to make sure none of you rich kids end up missing.”

“Now that’s not fair,” you tried arguing.

“It’s literally my job,” Zendaya said, dismounting the horse. “I’ll try to have them back in a few hours, I wouldn’t want to disturb you too late in the night.”

“No worries. Enjoy yourselves, it’s good to have a night off.” With that, Rihanna walked back into her house, leaving you all to your own devices. It didn’t take long for the four of you to reach the festival from Rihanna’s house, but it felt like a completely different world the second you got close. The lanterns strung up around the different booths gave the town’s square an ethereal glow, and you couldn’t help but look around in wonder. Children ran around, chasing after friends and family members with sweets in hand. You couldn’t believe you’d gone this long without visiting a festival so close by.

“So, what do you want to do first?” Prince Thomas asked, watching you with a small smile. Your gaze flitted from stand to stand before landing on one of the games booths with different stuffed animals lined up as prizes. You immediately looked at Zendaya, eyes pleading.

“Could you win me a stuffed animal?” You asked her, ignoring the look Prince Thomas gave you.

“I could do it,” he grumbled as he followed you to the booth.

“Sorry, I trust her aim a lot more than yours,” you teased, sticking your tongue out. Harrison laughed at Prince Thomas’s expression.

“That’s a fair thing, he doesn’t have the best aim. You should’ve seen the target when we practice back home, he aims like the ground is his enemy,” Harrison piled on.

“Haz! Alright, I get it,” Thomas groaned. “Fine, Zendaya can win this one and I’ll win you the next one, (y/n).”

“Oh, is this a competition now?” Zendaya asked, looking over her shoulder at the Prince with a raised brow.

“Well, if you want it to be it can,” Thomas challenged her. You had to hold in a laugh, knowing Zendaya had a competitive streak that the Prince wouldn’t be able to match. But hey, if they were going to give you the prizes, you weren’t complaining. Zendaya handed the booth runner a copper piece before taking the bow and arrow from him. You had always loved watching Zendaya train, and this just held the same excitement. With each of the three arrows Zendaya was given, she hit dead-center on the target - which wasn’t even necessary; all she needed to do was hit the target at all. She didn’t even look at the booth runner who was telling her to choose a few of the prizes, Zendaya was too busy giving a smug little smile to Prince Thomas.

You rolled your eyes at her smugness, but you weren’t going to complain about the three little stuffed bears you got to carry around with you. Once you were done with the archery booth, Zendaya looked over at the Prince again. “Are you sure you still want this competition?”

The Prince laughed, but he nodded his head. “Yeah, I wanna make sure I get my fiancee at least one prize by the end of the night.”

“Mate, you’d probably save more money if you just buy her something from one of the craftsmen,” Harrison said in a stage whisper. “You aren’t gonna win physical stuff.”

“You act like I’ve never done any sports,” Prince Thomas argued, smacking Harrison’s arm before turning to you. “I promise I’ve done stuff other than just sitting in the p-”

“We’re supposed to be normal, remember?” You interrupted him with a hand on his arm. His face immediately flushed at the contact and he looked away, trying to avoid getting flustered even further. “Let’s just have fun tonight, yeah?”

“Y-yeah! Right,” Prince Thomas agreed, watching as you started pulling Zendaya through the crowd.

“Oh, you’re so gone, mate,” Harrison laughed, going to follow the two of you. Prince Thomas shook his head, following his friend. The four of you worked your way through the festival, Zendaya and Thomas competing to see who could win more things for you. You had to admit, you were surprised to see that Thomas didn’t actually get destroyed by Zendaya - he was either close to winning or won at quite a few of the different booths. When you stopped to get treats at one of the food vendors, you couldn’t help but listen in on the conversations of people passing by you. One in particular caught your attention.

“We should probably find a good spot for the fireworks, they’re gonna start soon.” Immediately, you felt like a child again. Well, the entire night made you feel like a child, but that just got you even more excited. You tugged on Zendaya’s sleeve to get her attention.

“Did you hear that, Z? They’re going to have fireworks. Can we go watch them?”

“(Y/n), I’m not sure. We should probably head home soon,” Zendaya shifted, throwing your bag of prizes over her shoulder.

“It shouldn’t be too long. How about ten minutes and then we head back?” Prince Thomas asked. You’d started to get a little pout and - just like Zendaya - it was quick to make him give in to your whims.

“I-”

“I’ll hold ‘em to the ten minutes, cross my heart,” Harrison decided to butt in. “When’s the next chance she’ll get to see fireworks like this?”

“Fine, but if we get in trouble for staying even later-”

“I promise we’ll vouch for you,” you told her, grabbing her hand. Zendaya startled at the sudden contact, looking over at the two men. They didn’t seem to react to it, so she looked back at you.

“Fine, let’s go find somewhere so you can see them properly,” Zendaya huffed. You smiled brightly and cheered, making Zendaya laugh softly. “Like a child, I swear.”

As the four of you made your way to the edge of the festival, wanting to get away from the crowds, Zendaya got distracted by something at one of the vendor’s booths. She paused for a second, getting left behind a few steps before the rest of you noticed. “Z? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Go find a spot, I’ll be with you in just a moment. Try not to get into trouble,” she reminded you all before making her way to the vendor. You looked at Harrison and Thomas, wondering if they saw what made her stop. They just shook their heads, so you followed her instructions, finding a spot somewhat secluded from the rest of the festival.

“So, how was your first night out?” Thomas asked, looking down at you with a soft smile.

“It was amazing! I had so much fun with you guys,” you told him with a bright smile of your own. “I wish I could do this more often, but it’s not really realistic. I just love this town.”

“I’m glad you had fun,” Thomas told you. As he was about to say something else, the sound of the first fireworks shooting into the air cut through the night. You let out a soft gasp, watching as the colors burst across the dark sky. You wondered where Zendaya was, wanting to share this moment with her. As your mind crept back to your love, you felt the brush of fingers against your own. They weren’t the delicate yet calloused fingers you knew, so you pulled your hand up, clasping them in front of your heart, pretending you didn’t notice Thomas’s attempt at holding your hand.

At the next set of fireworks shot up, Zendaya rejoined your small group. She stood close to your side, leaning down to speak in your ear. “I’m sorry I took so long.”

“It’s okay. What did you get?” You asked, looking to see if she was holding something. She shook her head.

“You’ll see soon enough.” You nodded, looking back up at the fireworks. Every so often, when you were up on one of the balconies, you’d see the fireworks in the distance. It was nothing compared to being here with you’re loved one and friends, not to mention all these strangers enjoying the same thing you were. It was something else entirely, seeing it this close, even as the display happened so far up in the sky. You wished you could stay in this moment forever.

But of course, the moment had to end. True to his word, Harrison let your group know when your ten minutes were up. You had to head back to Rihanna’s house to get the horses, hoping that the rest of the castle hadn’t noticed your absence for the past few hours. The four of you chattered about the festival, Zendaya and Thomas trying to tally up who actually succeeded in getting you the most prizes.

Once you were back to the horses, Zendaya worked on settling them for the ride ahead and securing your new belongings in the saddlebags. Thomas and Harrison were already on their horses when she addressed them. “We need to talk to the High Priestess to thank her and let her know we’re leaving. We’ll be back shortly.”

You followed Zendaya into Rihanna’s house, where she was working in her study. It was a quick goodbye, with Rihanna waving off any profuse thank yous you tried giving her. As soon as you were about to exit the house, though, Zendaya pulled you to a stop. “My Princess, you asked what I bought.”

“Yes, but can’t this wait until we’re back in the palace?” Zendaya shook her head.

“I wanted to give it to you while we were watching the fireworks, but I didn’t want the Prince and Harrison to see,” Zendaya explained, pulling a small velvet bag from her cloak. She handed it to you, watching with rapt attention. You opened it, dropping the contents in your other hand. It was a silver bracelet, the focus being on a crescent moon with a star resting on it. “I saw it and knew I had to get it for you. After all, you’re the brightest star in my universe. I love you, my Princess.”

“My love,” you said before pulling her down for a kiss. There were no words for how this woman made you feel, so you only hoped you could pour it all into your actions. As you broke the kiss, you whispered against her lips. “Thank you. I love you.”

**********

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