#i’m not usually crying shaking throwing up over him but i am rn i need my little guy where is he | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dysfunctionalcrab · 4 years ago

Text

babysitter

pairing: georgenotfound x reader

pronouns: gender neutral

description: george is left to babysit your niece

warnings: mentions of a future family? just in case that makes you uncomfortable.

[y/n/n] - your nieces name

[y/s/n] - your siblings name (gender neutral too)

note: i’m not too sure about this imagine, please a like or reply if you actually enjoyed! - niss

you woke up to the sound of your alarm blasting your ear off, if you hadn’t turned it off right there you probably would have gone deaf.

george was sleeping like a baby beside you, you could hear his quiet snores. you were surprised he didn’t wake up to the sound of your ear-piercing alarm.

turning on your phone, you glanced at the time that read 12:30. you sighed in annoyance as you registered that you only had half an hour before you had to be on your way to university. so you got up and began your normal morning routine, brush your teeth, shower, have breakfast and finally get dressed. however, as you were packing your bag, almost ready to go, you received a notification from your [sibling]

[y/s/n]: we’re 5 minutes away!!!

[y/s/n]: thank you so much for agreeing to do this :)

fuck.

it completely slipped your mind. you had promised to take care of [y/n/n] for today, your 7 year old niece, while your [sibling] was at their job interview. regardless, you texted them a quick ‘no problem’ before rushing upstairs to wake up george.

he was still sleeping, but now he was completely hiding under the covers with one arm sticking out. you hated to interrupt his beauty sleep but this was more important. you began to shake him awake.

“babe,” you shook him

“wake up,”

“george,” you removed the covers off his face

“wake the fuck up!” you started poking his sides. usually, you would be a little less... harsh, but you were panicking.

finally the boy rose from his slumber, groaning and stretching all his limbs. he blinked a couple times before meeting your eyes

“good morning,” he said softly, as if he completely just disregarded your tone of desperation and worry.

you pulled him by his arm and he sat upright,

“you need to get up right now,” you told him

“what’s going on?” he questioned, clearly confused as you weren’t giving him any context

“you need to take care of [y/n/n] for today, i have classes today, and i need to leave in 5 minutes and [y/s/n] has a job interview and there’s nobody else to take care of her,” you rushed out all in once sentence.

“are you serious?” he narrowed his eyes at you. “you know how bad i am with kids, especially [y/n/n] , she hates me,”

that was partly true. unfortunately, your niece wasn’t exactly fond of george. ever since you even started dating,m, [y/n/n] acted cold towards your boyfriend, it only got worse when you moved in with him. she always refused to play a game if george was going to participate, or never accepted any high fives or hellos from him. you felt sympathy for george. this child despised him and now you were asking him to look after her.

“please, i’m begging you,” you looked at him with pleading eyes. his eyes softened up after recognising the urgency of the situation.

“fine,” he agreed. you sighed out of satisfaction that you didn’t have to stress out [y/s/n] over finding a new baby sitter.

“thank you so much,” you pressed a small kiss to his lips appreciatively.

right at that moment, you two heard the doorbell ring. you urged george to get ready as fast as he could while you went down stairs and greeted your [sibling] and your niece.

“auntie/uncle [y/n]!” [y/n/n] yelled as you opened the door, immediately rushing into your arms. she looked a lot taller than the last time you saw her

“how’s my favourite girl?” you picked her up and swung her, before placing a little kiss on her head

you gave your [sibling] a quick hug. they handed you a bag full of toys, teddies and colouring pens, along with a spare set of clothing just in case [y/n/n] got a little messy throughout the day. and some quick reminders about her favourite foods or how to get her stop crying. you’d looked after her before, so all of it was pretty familiar to you

“again, thank you so, so much, you have no idea how much you’re helping me.” they told you. your [sibling] gave [y/n/n] a kiss on the cheek and told her to be a ‘good and kind little girl’ before finally exiting the household.

george, at last, made his way down. wearing a decent pair of jeans and a hoodie, giving an awkward wave to [y/n/n]

you checked the time and knew you had to get going. you had to explain to her that uncle george was going to be the one looking after her today. and after one whole tantrum, you managed to convince her to be a good girl by promising to give her a big reward afterward.

finally, you kissed [y/n/n] and george a goodbye , then shut the front door behind you.

george and [y/n/n] stood opposite each other. there was an uncomfortable silence in the air. george felt so...he didn’t even know. what do you say to a child who hates you? [y/n/n] tightly clutched her bag of toys.

“so, [y/n/n],” george cleared his throat, he bent down to her level. “i hear you like toy story?”

[y/n/n] pouted “i don’t like you” she said, and stomped away.

george sighed. this was going to be a long day.

and it was.

it started off with [y/n/n] innocently using her colouring pens and drawing random things, you know, as children do. but when she ran out of paper, she made her way to your office, where all your uni work was. she grabbed the closest piece of paper that was sitting on your desk, deciding it was going to be the next canvas for her art. this paper just happened to be a very important assignment.

when george caught her in the act, he had to physically tear her away from your office, in defiance of all her kicking and screaming.

then, when george accidently left the door to your shared bedroom open. [y/n/n] waddled in without him noticing, she started playing with all of his devices. his computer, his microphone, and somehow she got a hold of his headphones, and took out the battery. george didn’t realise until he noticed the cover missing. he tried to ask her nicely where she threw the battery. but she insisted that she wasn’t going to give it back unless he stopped being ‘mean’

when lunch time rolled around, george put a pizza in the oven, he remembered clearly that [y/n/n] loved pizza, specifically pepperoni. nothing could go wrong here.

but when he called her to the kitchen so she could receive her lunch. she just stared blankly at the pizza, and then at him. she crossed her arms

“[y/n] usually makes a smiley face with the pepperoni”

george just felt all his will to live just disappear

coloured pens and toys were spread out all across the living room floor, [y/n/n] was sitting in front of the tv, george put on one of her favourite shows which thankfully distracted her for a bit, allowing him to relax. he pulled out his phone and texted you

to [y/n] <3 : help me please

to [y/n] <3: i cant take this anymore, i’m literally dying rn

to [y/n] <3: come home quick

he exhaled heavily, throwing his phone to the side. he was so exhausted.

[y/n/n] was roleplaying with her toys, making them move around and doing squeaky little voices. george smiled at the innocence

“purple bear doesn’t play with us anymore. princess giraffe, mr. george took her away from us,” she spoke in a high pitched voice

george’s ears perked up. how funny that she had a teddy named ‘mr. george’. curiously, he watched the little girl.

“koala george, is a meanie, he stole purple bear and now they don’t want to hang out with us!”

it didn’t take a genius to find out what [y/n/n] was displaying through her role playing teddies.

that was why she didn’t like george. before they got together, [y/n] mentioned they almost spent every weekend with [y/n/n], playing with her and having fun with her.

she felt abandoned by [y/n] and felt as if george had taken them away from her .

george felt at fault as he noticed the girls eyes started to water.

“does purple bear love us any more?” she continued to play.

george decided it was enough and he switched off the television. he joined [y/n/n] on the floor and grabbed the teddy that was supposedly ‘koala george’

“[y/n/n]” he spoke softly. the little girl looked up at him expectantly. he held up the teddy.

“is this supposed to be me?” he questioned her.

“that’s a koala bear,” she answered

“no-, [y/n/n],” he said. he thought about how to ask her, and just chose it was best to be flat out with the child,”

“did i steal auntie/uncle [y/n] away from you?”

the question took her by surprise. she gazed at him with big wide eyes. she thought about her answer and grabbed the purple bear, which was supposed to be you.

“they don’t play with me as much anymore, they’re always with you, because of you, they don’t love me anymore,” she pulled a face, it wasn’t angry, it wasn’t annoyed.

it was a genuinely sad face.

george was sure he physically felt a pang of guilt in his stomach. he never even comprehended the fact that a child could feel so rejected.

“listen... [y/n/n],” he said gently. he thought about his words. comforting someone wasn’t exactly his strongest point, particularly not a child who detested him “[y/n] will never stop loving you, okay? they love you very much, and i’m sorry you feel like i stole them ”

[y/n/n] continued to listen.

“but don’t forget that [y/n] has so much love to go around! look, they love you, and they love me, they love grandma and grandpa too! they will always love one another even if they can’t see each other often,”

[y/n/n] stayed silent. she fiddled with the purple teddy, folding its ears and patting its head. she loved that bear. it was actually gifted to her by you, when she was first born. she brought it to her chest and hugged it. george tried a different approach.

“listen, how about- this weekend, we can all go to the park together, and have a picnic. you, me, [y/n], and your parents too,”

she continued to just stay silent. george didn’t know what to expect, she was unpredictable, was she going to throw another hissy fit? or start to cry? he wasn’t sure

“can we also get ice cream?” she asked

george smiled and felt himself relax. thank god. “all the ice cream you want,” he told her

[y/n/n] stood up and giggled. like her whole entire mood did a whole fucking 180. “okay! let’s go play dress up now!”

———

7:45 pm. you finally arrived home. you were tired out of your mind. [y/s/n]’s interview was delayed by two hours and was currently half way back home, meaning you had enough time to spend with [y/n/n]

you unlocked the door, expecting to see a giant tsunami of toys and colouring pencils and pens, but what you saw was the most heart warming thing ever.

george was sleeping on the couch, his head resting on the armrest. he had a couple pink bows in his hair, his lips were painted a hot pink, he was wearing a couple sparky bracelets and a purple floral necklace.

in his lap, [y/n/n] rested her head, she was wearing a fairy costume with matching pink bows and sparkly bracelets.

you quickly snapped a photo of this wholesome moment. because, who wouldn’t? you spent a few minutes just watching the two sleep, they were probably just as tired as you.

moments like these made you really appreciate the people you had in your life. the people you love so dearly much.

you didn’t want to disrupt the ambience but you felt it was better for your [sibling] to collect your niece when she wasn’t covered in glitter and an overload of pink accessories.

you quietly woke george up,

“baby, wake up.” you shook him awake, gently. in a very different way than you did this morning. he opened his eyes. and immediately smiled upon seeing your face. you ran your thumb across his cheek

“it looks like you two had a lot of fun,” you teased.

he quietly chuckled. “she’s okay,” he told you. looking down at the little girl sleeping in his lap.

you slowly and carefully picked her up, removing any accessories you thought may seem uncomfortable to sleep in. she was a heavy sleeper.

you carried her upstairs, tucking her into you and george’s bed and placing a kiss upon her forehead. you turned back to george and rushed in for a bear hug

“thank you so much for doing that,” you said. “i love you so much, i know it probably wasn’t easy, she can be quite the handful,”

george chuckled. “handful is an understatement,”

“you’d better be willing to dress up like that with our own kids one day.” you stated, hugging him tighter.

his face broke out into a small smile, having thought of an image of you two playing with you future kids. he kissed top of your head and then your nose

“maybe one day”

———

masterlist

#georgenotfound imagines #georgenotfound x reader #georgenotfound #mcyt x reader #mcyt #georgenotfound imagine #mcyt imagines

569 notes · View notes

embrassemoi · 3 years ago

Text

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 34

Pairings: Sirius B, F!Reader, Remus L Warnings: DARK THEMES, heavily implied domestic abuse (the Black family) A/n: I’m editing this in a restaurant rn. Nobody can say that I’m not committed! Anyway, if there’s more errors than usual, it’s bc I’m on mobile. Sorry!

【 Masterlist | Previous Chapter | ao3 】

Chapter 34: Secrets of Our Souls

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

Meet me at our place at midnight. Be careful. Make sure nobody follows you. R.A.B

Y/N read the letter several times before folding it in half while her eyes glazed the crowd of students in the Great Hall in search of Regulus.

A no-show.

Since the start of the term, she’d been trying to get hold of Regulus but her attempts were futile. He was as finicky as a shadow, never staying still long enough for her to grasp, to spot.

Everything about his inconspicuous disappearance and the peculiar letter left her deeply unnerved. He'd even gone as far as using a different owl to respond to her letters; not the usual Black family owl.

In many ways, Regulus was mysterious; highly unusual — dare she say frightening.

“Oh!” Marlene exclaimed. “A secret admirer?”

“Give it back!” Y/N said indignantly as Marlene pried the letter from her hand, unfolding it. Before she could read the contents, Y/N nearly tackled it out of her grasp, snatching it back while Marlene pouted. “It’s private.”

Continuing to sulk, Dorcas smiled at Marlene. From between the sliver of space from under the wooden table and their bodies, she watched as Dorcas held Marlene’s hand; thumb grazing over her knuckles. Y/N eyed them questioningly.

“What are you not telling us?” Dorcas mused, leaning on the table with a sly smirk.

Marlene snapped her fingers. “Oi! Ginger snaps!”

Lily peered over, smile vanishing, placing her fork down. “Did you just call me a…?”

“Would you prefer traffic cone then?” Mary teased.

“I like Carrots more.” Dorcas added, shyly.

“Anyway, you two are pretty much attached,” Marlene said. Had she known better, she would have recognized Marlene’s tone for jealousy. "Who sent that letter?”

Lily shrugged but her face turned downwards at her uncomfortable body language. “She said it’s private. Leave it.”

The conversation ended at that.

Y/N felt a little nudge under the table and as she looked up, Lily’s head was tilted, conveying the silent question, ‘are you okay?’ She didn’t answer as a couple of first years bounced up to Marlene, tugging down on her sleeve. She turned to them, flicking her blond hair out of her face with a wide smile.

One first year was close to tears, another one standing on their tippy-toes to whisper something in her ear.

“Please can you come to the common room? It’s scary and I-I miss my dad!” One of the first years cried out.

Marlene cooed, hugging them lovingly. With a nod, she stood and pressed a kiss to the side of Dorcas’ cheek. She managed to make it seem like she was whispering in her ear before turning back to the group. “See you tossers later!”

Dorcas watched Marlene walk away. First years jumping, hanging off of her while Dorcas’ fingers grazed the spot on her face where she kissed her. She dazzled radiantly.

Before midnight, Y/N left her dorm, heading to the Marauder’s room and knocked on their door. She vaguely heard footsteps approaching before it opened.

She smiled before she could even register it. “Moony.”

He grinned widely. “Whiskers,” Remus said pleasantly, leaning against the door frame, his hair falling slightly over his eyes. “How may I help you?”

“Seeing you has already helped a lot.” She joked while Remus blushed madly. She laughed at his reaction. “I need to talk to Bambi.”

Remus had his eyebrows raised but opened the door wide and beckoned her in.

She noticed a bed pushed far to the left, isolated from the other beds. The curtains were almost nearly closed aside from the sliver that was still open. Black was there, book in hand with a few pieces of parchment laid surrounding him. He was already looking up at her.

They truly isolated Black from them in every way possible.

“Oh hey, Y/N.” Peter smiled before throwing her a small wrapped sweet her way. “Greetings!”

“Thanks, Pete!” She caught it. And dropped onto James’ bed. His glasses were strewn, laying on his bedside table as he flicked through his book.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Do you mind if I borrow your invisibility cloak tonight?”

James surprisingly didn’t push further as he simply went through his trunk and threw her the cloak, only asking that she would be careful with it.

She hopped out of the room, rushing out to the cold corridors and threw the cloak over her head. As she passed through various hallways, she finally opened the door to her and Regulus’ small hideout. A couple of candles were lit and the familiar Slytherin and Gryffindor blankets clashed together.

Huddled in the corner of the room on the couch, small and curled with his legs pressed against his chest and chin perched on his knees, Regulus was there, shaking.

She rushed up to him, keeping her hand visible and only touching him when he realized it was her. Consoling people was always a challenge in itself.

“What happened?”

Regulus’ voice was strained and tired. “C-can you hug me? Please?”

Her heart could have shattered as she roped him into a large, crushing hug. His aching sobs crashed through her chest. Y/N’s arms were tight around Regulus, his head face pressed against her shoulder and she could feel his tears seep through her shirt. Doing the best she could, she soothed him, petting his hair.

She couldn’t tell just how much time had passed until Regulus’ snuffles calmed down as he harshly wiped his tears. It was the first time she was able to truly get a close-up of how he looked.

To put it lightly, Regulus looked like shit.

Any of that regal, youthful glow of his diminished. And she realized it only faded whenever he went home. His skin was dull and grey, eyes sunken. Even his long hair was cut lopsidedly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked.

“I… It’s…” Regulus trailed off, face full of worry and trouble. “It’s…”

“It’s okay,” she rubbed her hand up and down his shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me.”

But something caught her eye. Regulus’ trousers rode up in his shaking state. A large bandage was wrapped messily on his leg. The skin around the bandage was red and a few scars peaked out. But as soon as she realized, he had too and quickly pulled the fabric down.

“... What is that?” She asked softly. She didn’t know what it was, but something heavy sunk in her chest — the feeling of sickening, frightening dread.

He refused to answer.

“You have to get that checked out —”

“No!” Regulus shouted, complete panic filtering through his face.

“Whatever that is, it isn’t going to heal properly if we don’t.”

Regulus debated for a while and she saw the conflict on his face before relenting. “I’m embarrassed by it…”

She mustered up any kind of energy left and smiled. “I won’t judge you.” She managed to catch his eye and held it. She went over her options quickly.

1. Leave Regulus?

Option one was already tossed out the window. The weight of the situation was far too grave to continue to let it slide by again and again.

2. Press further?

But how?

3. Make him feel comfortable?

Bingo.

If he was ashamed by his scars, then maybe if she showed hers…

She turned to Regulus, lifting her sleeve. A scar ran across her forearm from Snape’s attack during the Quidditch match.

“I got this a couple of months ago in a nasty fight.” Then she pointed to the small scar on her leg from when she was dragged by Moony. "I got this from an accident."

But then, she sucked in a deep breath, mustering up all her bravery and courage, pushing down every bit of insecurity. She tugged down the collar of her shirt a bit, just enough to reveal the top of a much more faded scar that travelled down to her sternum. “And I got this from a heart surgery.”

She fixed her shirt to sit properly again. “I was born with a heart defect. It went undetected until my mom found me, hardly breathing and had to perform open-heart surgery on me. I was supposed to die but here I am. Healthy and alive and I haven’t had a problem since.”

Regulus looked up at her wide-eyed and his body became less stiff.

“I used to be so… ashamed of it. Maybe I still am, I never talk about it… Only you, my mom and someone at Ilvermorny knows. But my point is, I am more than my scars, and you are too.”

She swallowed her fear, now cursing herself and resolved to shut up. Waiting, she wondered that since she showed him the scars that perhaps he would too.

Regulus considered her, almost astonished, finally moving to pull up his trousers and peeling off his bandage, wincing while doing so.

It felt like a cold bucket of water was splashed all over her body. She desperately tried to keep her face blank as the overwhelming urge to cry while combating the wave of nausea hit her.

His skin was butchered — fiery red. They weren’t neat, like what a surgeon's scalpel would be like, but messy, crisscrossed and viciously deep. It had hardly healed and they were old enough to be a little over a week or two old. And undoubtedly painful.

Whoever did that to him was enraged, furious.

“Shit… Regulus… who did this?” She asked quietly, more to herself than him as he remained silent. She stood, commanding, “We need to get you fixed up.”

“It’s not that b —”

“Stop lying.”

“Just don’t take me to the hospital wing.”

Wanting to know more, she was too afraid that any more prying would result in Regulus completely shutting down and withholding more information. Instead, she picked up the invisibility cloak, threw it over him and wrapped an arm underneath Regulus' arms to help him walk out of the room.

She went to the only other place she knew she would be able to offer any resemblance of help.

Once reaching the Potions classroom, muttering Alohomora, Y/N helped Regulus sit down comfortably at one of the extra tables and immediately got to work. All sorts of magic went around as she grabbed an extra textbook and flipped to the Essence of Dittany page.

Shelves, jars and cabinets opened and closed on their own accord, all taking ingredients as they fell into a boiling cauldron.

“What are you doing?” Regulus questioned, nervously drumming his fingers on the table.

“Making you something.”

It was still between them. She didn’t know what to say, only what to do. Everything went through her mind like a step-by-step process, like a robot categorizing its own emotions.

Because what was the right response to something like this?

She stared at the bubbling cauldron, slowly stirring to avoid eye contact. “You don’t have to tell me but… you didn’t do this to yourself —”

“No,” Regulus said, calmly and steadily.

“Then… to the person — people who did… will they bother you again?”

“Probably not… I’ll be okay.”

It wasn’t the answer she was hoping for.

Once the potion was completed, she poured it inside an applicator and made sure to cast a quick cleaning spell. A soft blue glow emitted around his leg until disappearing. She looked up to him, fisting his shirt and shoved it inside his mouth. “I’m sorry, this is going to hurt.”

She took the applicator, pouring a couple drops onto his wound. A greenish smoke billowed around them as it bubbled on his skin. The skin was stitching itself back together and over his wound. Regulus moaned in pain, fist banging on the wooden table.

She finally pulled the cloth from his mouth once down and ran across the room to find more clean clothes to dab off the sweat from his face. Y/N thought for a second he was going to faint.

“I’m so sorry Reg… Sorry…”

He didn’t say anything for a while, only nodding in response meanwhile she monitored his condition. She gave him the wrapped candy that Peter gave her, hoping that it would help him regain some energy. She was beginning to grow worried that she might’ve brewed it incorrectly as her mind mulled over possible counter potions.

“I know… you said... you don’t talk to my brother much…” Regulus croaked out. She closed the book, rushing up to him. “But... you are in the same friend group… right?”

She chewed the inside of her cheek. A white lie wouldn’t hurt.

“Things changed. We’re friends. Why?”

There was a long pause. “Is he okay?”

A million questions went through her. Even if they were estranged, wouldn’t he know?

“He’s okay.” Lie. “He’s just been… stressed as of late.” True.

“Is he still staying with the Potter’s?”

“Yes.”

He smiled, eyelids drooping but everything about it told her something wasn’t right. “I’m glad.”

Regulus refused to let her help him walk back to the dungeons and left with his wound almost fully healed. And she was left with more questions than any answers as she slithered into bed.

What was he not telling her?

But then she thought about the summer with Matthew. Why had he been so surprised that she had been with a member of the Black family? Or how did he even know them? What was it about them that commanded so much respect and international recognition?

A couple of footsteps padded her way and Y/N felt her bed dip, a weight sliding beside her.

“Are you okay?” Lily whispered. “Been worried about you these past couple of days.”

“Yeah,” Y/N said, turning to the side to look at Lily through the night. “Jolly.”

“You sure? It can be our secret?”

She remained quiet and it gave Lily her answer. She turned onto her side before mumbling. “Feel free to stay tonight.” When she didn’t feel Lily leave, but she wiggled around to become comfortable, she sighed, forcing herself to sleep.

There was certainly far too much happening in her life at the moment for her to fully care about Lily’s bizarre and avoidant behaviour. She just wanted the next day to come.

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

The next few days were uncomfortable and Y/N was beyond exhausted.

Breakfast was nothing more than her sipping on a glass of water, studying the Slytherin table, worried for Regulus.

Was he being bullied? Was he… no… the wound was a bit too old for it to have taken place at Hogwarts.

She spent most of the day in the library, simply reviewing her Herbology and Advanced Potions textbook.

Much to James’ dismay, all the free periods they had in sixth year were due to the overwhelming work and increased difficulty in lessons. Fortunately for Y/N, Potions was partially a free class and she never had to worry about it aside from the essays. It was far too easy.

During class, she would figure out new techniques, tricks, but to her dismay, Slughorn had really enjoyed how both she and Snape performed together and often paired them up during potions. She hated to admit it, but there was a reason why Snape was a favourite student of Slughorn. He had talent. Although, he was in a permanently vindictive mood around her which made him even more unbearable.

The tip of her eagle-feather quill moved across the pages of the textbook and she pulled back momentarily to review her book.

Nightshade… Powdered silver… Stewed Mandrakes… Slughorn had said it helped werewolves… What if Remus ��

“Whiskers! There you are!” James said, strutting up. He sat down on the couch beside her, both tucked away in the corner of the library.

She gave a little wave of her fingers before closing her book. James suddenly became slightly dejected at her reaction. She couldn’t force herself to put on a show.

“Something wrong?”

Y/N felt like there were no answers to everything that had been happening recently. Only if Matthew was there.

But James was.

“I need to ask you something.”

His head swivelled around to see if anyone with prying ears was listening in before nodding.

“Could you tell me about the Black family?”

She had never seen James go so rigid. His cheek hallowed as he chewed the inside of his cheek and waited for her to elaborate.

“I know I don’t talk about it but Regulus is a friend of mine.” She didn’t miss the way James stiffened further at that. “And he’s… worrying me. He’s… god, I don’t know what to say.”

James threw up a silencing spell, encircling them. “It’s okay, go on.”

“Regulus’ leg was butchered. I think he’s being bullied or it’s darker than that.”

James’ skin, which was usually a warm, rich look, seemed as if it paled, almost giving him a gray appearance. “Did he say anything about his family?”

“No. But he never talks about them. Is that the reason why Black stays with you?”

“Even with the non-existent respect I have for Black, I feel like I can’t tell you much,” James said and she understood why. “But the Black family — they’re fucking insane. Their Pureblood mania is probably one of the worst I’ve ever seen.” James took a moment to look at her reaction after mentioning blood purity. “He has a reason to be scared of them.”

“So you’re telling me that his family… they hurt him?”

James looked down, the gravity of their conversation finally hitting him. He took off his round glasses, rubbing his temples. “I’m not sure. Maybe? It was probably another Slytherin. His parents… love him — I don’t see them laying a hand on him. He didn’t mention running away? Did he?”

“No.”

She heard James curse under his breath as he grabbed his hair out of habit. “I’ll talk to him.”

“About what? You can’t tell him I told you, he’ll —”

“Relax. I won’t. I’ll ask him to move in with me.”

Y/N felt like she could faint there and then. Everything in her body felt wobbly, weak as she grappled with the idea of Regulus and his home life. Then Black… did he also go through what Regulus has been through? The thought made her sick.

James’ voice tugged her back to reality. “Promise me something.” She waited for him to continue.

“I know Regulus is your friend and that he’s going through a rough time but…” James struggled with his words. “But… be careful around him. He’s not much of a threat but his family is. There’s a reason why Black lives with me; no matter how angry, how much I hate him, I would never let him go back there. To them.

“The war is approaching and they have eyes all on Regulus — watching everything he does.”

Goosebumps covered her entire body. Everything James said sounded more like an underlying threat of sorts. She wondered if that was the reason why he refused to be seen with her publicly. “Are you saying that he’s a Death Eater?”

“No,” James responded briskly. “But it’s not to say his parents won’t force him to. If you knew his family, you would understand —”

Both students snapped their heads up from the figure slowly approaching them as James eased off the silencing charm.

Professor Elway was there, holding a large leather-bound book and a stack of parchment, most likely essays she had to grade. She only gave a small nod to James before smiling widely at Y/N which caused James to mutter something vaguely familiar that sounded like ‘favouritism.’

“Ms. L/N! How wonderful to see you!” Elway was enlivened. “I was just thinking about you.”

“Oh! Erm — thank you?”

Elway laughed, “Your work has been incredible! I’m very impressed.”

She felt James nudge her under the table.

“Oh!” The professor exclaimed. “There’s a Duelling club session tonight I’m supervising. I’d love to see you there?”

“I’m sorry, but we have a paper due in Transfigurations.” James helped, cutting in for her. She felt herself relax into her chair.

In no time, Defence Against the Dark Arts became Y/N’s favourite class and duelling was incredibly fun, but all she wanted to do was sleep. Perhaps another time…

Professor Elway gave a little sigh but nodded her head. “Then I’ll see you next session! Have a good day, Ms. L/N and Mr..?”

“Potter.”

“My apologies, Mr. Potter. Have a fine day!”

While they watched her leave, both students were left with a similar deep, icy trepidation that clawed at their soul and a single question heavy in their hearts.

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

【 Next Chapter 】

100 notes · View notes

hopelesshawks · 4 years ago

Note

WOAH WOAH is your MHA reqs open?? So I wanted to request a Todoroki x Reader Angst where Todoroki sees his s/o getting stabbed by a villain with countless sharp spears like in Chiaki’s death video in danganronpa along with 1-A and just loses it? I’m sorry I’m craving for angst rn ✨✨ also love your writing and remember to stay safe <33 💕💗

My requests are open yes!! I have actually missed receiving them (and tbf I’m prolly not getting them because I’m doing daily updates on History of Us hahaha). So thanks for the request anon. I’m also really touched that you love my writing 🥰 I hope this lives up to your impression of me!

I had never seen danganropa but I just looked up what you were talking about and w o w I am in ✨pain✨ 🥲 I’ve got you anon. It’s going to hurt but I got you. Did I drag out (y/n)’s last words? Yes. Would they realistically already have died before saying all that I have them say? Probably. But this is fanfic and if movie writers can do it then goddamn it so can I!

CW for angst, somewhat graphic description of major character injury and death (reader), non-major character death, and canon typical violence

Nothing has been the same since the fall of the hero commission and the loss of faith in the Symbol of Peace’s generation of heroes. It’s been two years since Shigaraki wreaked havoc and Dabi exposed Endeavor’s crimes. As pros unused to that level of violence retired or quit, hero class students have been forced to step up and fill in the spaces they left behind. As a result, even as their faith in the pros waned, the public started to see the students as a beacon of hope. All Might, they whisper, spoiled the current generation of heroes. They argue that Endeavor is now too old to keep up, that Hawks and Mirko are too burdened by their mentors’ failures, and all the heroes aged in between are too used to the relative peace of the golden era to be effective. These current students though? Students like the famous UA hero class A, now third years who’ve already seen so much? They are the new hope. They’d grown up in the fires of a post-symbol of peace era and as such they are the only ones who can drag society out of it. It would be flattering if not for the overwhelming pressure that comes along with it.

Shoto thinks he would have been crushed beneath that pressure if not for you.

The two of you had started growing close your first year during the provisional license exam make up classes. Spending so much additional time together over the weekend had allowed Shoto to slowly open up to you until a beautiful friendship had blossomed. Even still, both of you had secretly yearned for something more. It was only after the destruction of Jaku City and the Todoroki family secrets were aired to the whole of Japan that the two of you finally acted on your feelings. You’d been such a source of support for him afterwards that eventually he hadn’t been able or willing to hold back any longer and had confessed his feelings to you late one night in the dorms. The two of you have been together ever since and fully intend to open a hero agency together after graduation. He knows the two of you are still young but sometimes when he looks at you with your blinding smile or when you’re sleeping peacefully beside him, he swears he can hear wedding bells. If the civilians of Japan can consistently forget how young you all are as they urge you to take over for the pros, then it seems only fair he should be able to forget too.

His mother was ecstatic when he asked her about engagement rings. Endeavor had said it was too early, that marriage is too large a commitment to make at 18 years old, but Shoto insisted and eventually a compromise was reached. He’ll wait until after graduation but then he’s determined to make you his forever and always.

It’s an otherwise normal Saturday afternoon in the dorms when Iida and Momo get an urgent distress signal to gather the entirety of the class and head into the city. A large group of ragtag criminals, determined to become the next League of Villains, is terrorizing Musutafu and the number of casualties is climbing rapidly. The other heroes usually responsible for that area had been called away to handle a different disaster and all attempts made by the civilians to defend themselves had only led to more chaos. The entire class mobilized in seconds. Calls like this aren’t uncommon now. The villains have been banding together more and their bloodlust seems to have grown exponentially with civilians’ continued lack of trust in the current pros. By the time you all arrive to the scene there’s no time to waste. “Be careful,” you tell Shoto, carefully running a hand through his hair before resting it on his cheek. He brings his hand up to cover yours before promising, “I will.” He presses a kiss to your palm but before he can do more Bakugo sharply barks “Hurry it up lovebirds we got a fucking job to do!” before racing off. You both know he’s right. “I love you,” you tell Shoto. “Love you too,” he promises before you both steel yourselves and then take off into the fray.

It’s an absolutely grueling battle. Every time someone takes one villain down, another comes to take their place. “Pinky! On your left!” you call out, causing your classmate to sharply turn. Mina just manages to dodge a punch one of the villains throws her way and swiftly counteracts with an attack of her own, calling out a thanks. There’s no time to breathe though and almost as soon as you’re done warning Mina, you have to dive in to keep another villain off Ojiro’s back. It’s chaotic but slowly you’re starting to pick away the forces as many of the remaining villains start fleeing. Once it looks like they’ve all retreated you instinctively look for Shoto, having not seen him since the fighting had properly started. You catch sight of him and heave a sigh of relief. You call out his name to catch his attention and although he initially offers you a soft smile you notice his eyes suddenly widen. “(Y/n) behind you!” he calls out.

Every moment after that seems to happen in slow motion.

You turn around just in time for a spear to fire clean through your shoulder, knocking you off balance. You start to fall backwards but before you can even hit the ground at least a dozen more rise up from the asphalt and impale your body. You hear Shoto’s broken cry of your name but it sounds so distant to you. After a moment stuck in place the spears suddenly drop back into the ground. Shoto is next to you in a second, pulling your broken body close as you bleed out. One of your other classmates tries to call for medical support but all he can focus on is you and the sheer amount of blood you’re losing. Shoto knows his training. He knows that when a victim has been stabbed it’s crucial to put pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding, but how can he when there’s so many fucking wounds. “You’re going to be ok. You’re going to be ok. You’re going to be ok.” He says it over and over again like a mantra. It’s both a plea to you and a desperate attempt to deny the harsh reality that the love of his life is bleeding out in his arms.

You press a bloody hand to his cheek, looking lovingly up at the man you’d do anything for, and shush him quietly. “Sho,” you rasp, voice already weak as your body tries and fails to cope with your injuries. “Don’t,” he warns. “Sho, baby, look at me,” you try again but he shakes his head, shutting his eyes tightly as tears start to run down his cheeks. “Please?” you ask and he can’t deny you, never could, so he opens his eyes and looks down at your glossy ones as you fight to stay awake just a little bit longer. “There they are. I always did love your eyes,” you tell him wistfully as your thumb strokes his cheek, smearing your blood there, though you don’t seem to notice. “You can’t leave me. You have to be ok,” he whispers but you shake your head. You can already feel yourself fading and with medical attention still several minutes out at least you know there’s no fixing this. “I need you to promise me something,” you tell him. “Anything,” he replies immediately and it brings a sad smile to your blood stained lips. “Promise you’ll find someone else after me,” you say and the scandalized look on his face would have probably made you laugh under different circumstances. “You’ve got too much love to give to let it die with me,” you tell him but he shakes his head again. “I could never love anyone else like I love you,” he swears and he means it with every fiber of his being. You chuckle wetly. “You always were stubborn. Fine, then promise to never forget me,” you compromise, tears welling in your own eyes now too. “I couldn’t even if I tried,” he swears before leaning down to press one last kiss to your lips. He can taste the tang of iron and feel your tears and his mingling on your cheeks. “I love you,” he whispers against your lips as he pulls away, but for the first time since he first said the words to you, you don’t say them back. “(Y/n)? Baby, I love you,” he tries again, pulling back to look at you properly now. Your eyes remain shut, your hand falling limp from his cheek, and when he looks to your chest the rise and fall of it has ceased.

Devastation claws up through him like a rabid animal, tearing him apart as his whole world shatters around him. He feels his grief like a physical ache in his chest, radiating out to each of his limbs as if every cell of his body is violently rejecting the fact that you’re gone. “Todoroki-kun?” Midoriya asks cautiously, putting a gentle hand on Shoto’s shoulder. Shoto’s head snaps up as he cradles you closer, as if scared your body will be taken away from him too. Before Midoriya can say whatever he was going to, Denki’s voice cuts through the tense silence. “I got him!” he crows, shoving the villain down to the ground in front of his classmates. Shoto’s eyes land on the villain and instantly his grief twists into a searing rage. He gently lays your body down but his eyes are cold and lethal as he stares down the man that took you away from him. Midoriya realizes what’s happening a beat too late and by the time he reaches out to grab Shoto, the grief stricken man has already launched himself at the villain and grasped hold of him. His right hand closes around the man’s throat, ice wrapping around it like a vice grip. He’s vaguely aware of his classmates calling his name but he doesn’t care. This man stole the love of his life from him. For that he will pay. Before Todoroki can finish the job he’s suddenly being yanked back by Midoriya and Bakugo. “Let go of me!” he demands as he fights against their hold, ignoring their warnings and empty platitudes. He manages to wrench his left arm free for a brief moment and that’s all he needs. His flames shoot out, preventing Midoriya from getting a good hold of him again, and the man who murdered you goes up in flame. His howls of pain echo around the buildings around them but the sound is music to Shoto’s ears. Let him suffer. It’s a fate he deserves.

His classmates watch on in stunned horror until the villain is burned down to ash. As his flames die out so too does all the fight seem to drain from Shoto as the crushing grief returns. Bakugo let’s him go once it’s clear he’s not a threat anymore and Shoto uses his freedom to drag himself back over to your lifeless body. It’s not fair. You’re so young. He’s so young. Why was this fight even you all’s responsibility in the first place? He’s been excitedly planning his proposal to you for weeks. Now he’ll have to plan a funeral. The thought makes him physically ill and he has to turn to the side as bile climbs up his throat and he retches onto the asphalt beside him.

How is he supposed to go on without you?

Midoriya returns a hand to his shoulder as the paramedics finally arrive. It’s too late. Far too late. One of them approaches cautiously and like a dog protecting his master Shoto immediately lashes out. “Don’t you fucking touch them,” he warns, eyes cold and voice lethal. The paramedic jerks backwards, his hands up in surrender, as he cautiously looks to the other class A students for advice. They have none. They’ve never seen Todoroki like this. They can’t even begin to imagine what he’s going through. It’s Eijirou who steps up in the end. He approaches Shoto carefully, as if his classmate is a feral animal, before kneeling down to his level. “They need to take (y/n) to the hospital on that stretcher over there,” Kirishima tells him carefully, jerking his head in the direction of the waiting ambulance. “Can you carry them there for the paramedics?” he asks. Shoto stares at Kirishima blankly as if trying to process his words before slowly nodding. “Ok. Let’s go then, yea?” Kiri asks. Another nod in response before Shoto carefully gathers you into his arms. He ignores the way your body has already started to go cold as he carries you over to the stretcher. He tries to pretend they’re just rushing you to the hospital, that they’re speeding you over to recovery girl and in a few hours time you’ll be tired but cheery, teasing him for being so worried about nothing. But as he lays you down and then watches them zip you up into a black bag, he knows it’s a hopeless fantasy. You’re gone and you’re never coming back.

A few days later he sits in a black suit with a black tie and a silver chain carrying an engagement ring around his neck. He leans against Fuyumi, who sits on his left side, while his mother grasps tightly onto his right hand. Behind him Natsuo rests a steady hand on his shoulder. His father hovers nearby, unsure how best to offer his support or if his support would even be welcome. They are the only thing that keeps Shoto from falling apart. When the time comes, he stands on shaky legs and approaches your open casket. At first he’d been insistent he wouldn’t look, but his mother had argued his last image of you shouldn’t be your broken body, riddled with holes. So he looks down at you, pieced back together by some mortician, lying motionless in the nicest outfit you own and he traces every detail of you. He tries to patch over the memory of you broken on the ground that haunts him every night since it’s happened with this image of you now. He pictures all of the good and beautiful moments you’ve shared together, let’s them swell in his chest until they’re too large to contain and pour out of him through his silent tears. He leans down and presses a gentle kiss to your too cold forehead and mumbles to you again his final promise:

“I love you, (y/n). I’ll never forget you.”

#this hurt me so fucking bad to write oh my godddd #it’s so long too oh man I really said ‘you want pain? I’ll give you pain’#🤡🤡🤡#anyway even though it hurt I loved writing this #thanks for the request anon #hhrequests #shoto x y/n #todoroki x y/n #shoto x reader #todoroki x reader #shoto todoroki

144 notes · View notes

neocityarchive · 5 years ago

Text

blind love | l.m.k.

— in which mark lee is so much more than just your best friend but you were too blind to realize it.

word count: 7.2k | warnings: light swearing | blind love - lola young |

a/n: i didnt mean for it to be this long but i hope you enjoy!!!

“Just friends,” Mark said, his voice still steady even in the growing tension of the moment. “That’s all you said we are, right?”

Your head dropped down to look at your hands, not knowing what to say. The overbearing guilt of rejecting his sudden confession was crushing your chest that it became painful to breathe.

“I’m sorry, Mark,” was all you could say. You forced yourself to meet his gaze through your already glassy eyes, wanting to let him know the sincerity of your words.

He smiled kindly, shaking his head. There was sadness in his eyes. And in all the years you two have known each other, you could tell how hard he was trying to hide it. “It’s okay. That’s all we’ll be.”

You bumped your head repeatedly against your study table in an attempt to rid yourself of the memory that’s constantly been playing in your head.

It was a Sunday which meant there were no classes, which meant the university was closed, which meant that you couldn’t even make an excuse to see your best friend Mark who somehow, after almost three years of friendship, suddenly decided that it was a good idea to tell you he loves you more than a friend should love a friend.

You couldn’t say it happened out of nowhere. He’s been saying he has something important to tell you for almost two weeks before the incident but every time you confront him about it, he always makes up some lame excuse to dodge. It took a lot of self-hate for yourself and a nice amount of his protective instinct to finally make him spit it out.

He came to your apartment that night, finding you barefaced, wearing a pair of sweats and one of his hoodies that you stole some time ago. From that he already knew you weren’t okay. You like wearing his stuff to seek some sort of comfort. Somehow, the smell of his clothes helps calm you down.

You were supposed to help him finish a report but you couldn’t concentrate after getting a below satisfactory grade on a major exam. College has done nothing but give you a shitload of insecurities lately and this just pushed you off the edge. The only thing that has been keeping you sane was the knowledge that you had someone who you can run to at the end of the day. Someone who is willing to listen to your rants and would do almost anything to cheer you up.

That day, however, none of Mark’s usual encouragement worked on you. He was getting frustrated hearing you downplay yourself because of a single exam. You started going on about how stupid you felt, how staying up all night to study did nothing but make you ugly. Mark countered every insult you threw at yourself, throwing in a few jokes here and there, all of which you ignored. But when you went on about how all of this made you unworthy of anything, how no one could possibly love you in this state, he just couldn’t take it anymore.

“I love you,” he snapped, cutting you off from your long self-deprecating speech.

“You’re my best friend. You’re supposed to say that,” you whined, clearly missing the point.

Mark, on the other hand, was barely holding it all inside. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “No, idiot. I love you. Stop saying no one could love you, because I do. And not just because you’re my best friend.”

It wasn’t until you noticed his hands were quivering that you realized what he really meant. Looking back on it, you couldn’t help but hate yourself. You were sure it took a lot of his courage (and frustration) to come clean to you like that, and you couldn’t even take him seriously at first.

“Mark, no,” you remember telling him.

“I do. I hate that I do, but I do.” He looked away. “I love you and I know you’re feeling burdened right now, but you don’t have to say it back.”

A part of you broke that day. You hated rejecting people after having gone through several rejections yourself. It’s the worst feeling. You always wished there was a way you could always return people’s feelings just so no one would get hurt, but the universe just doesn’t work that way.

You muttered about a hundred sorries to which Mark replied a hundred ‘it’s okay’s. Maybe it was meant to make you feel better, but it just felt like your heart was getting ripped off your chest.

Mark didn’t stay long after that. You didn’t even get to help him with his report. He said sorry for suddenly dropping the L-word and you said sorry for not being able to say it back. He smiled sadly and it took your everything not to cry. He asked if he could hug you and you didn’t even answer. You just went straight into his arms, burying your head in his chest like you’ve done so many times before, breathing heavily to keep yourself from breaking down. And when the two of you pulled away, he insisted on being alone for a while. You said okay followed by another sorry.

You didn’t know “being alone for a while” meant ignoring you for god knows how long. You see him at uni but he wouldn’t even meet your eye. Even when you share the same class, he would choose to sit as far from you as possible. Once, he entered a cafe you were in and upon seeing you inside, he immediately turned around and walked away.

He’s ignoring you and he isn’t even being subtle about it. Mark Lee could never be subtle about anything, not even his feelings. You really were just too blind to realize anything.

Even other people saw how he felt. People used to come up to you all the time and ask about your “boyfriend” Mark. Sure, you would blush, shy that people thought you’re in a relationship with your best friend. When you explain that you weren’t actually dating, you would get the same shocked reaction every time. One of your friends even said you acted more like a couple than most people in a relationship do. You always thought it was just because you and Mark were such good friends.

“Friends don’t hold hands in public,” you remember Renjun saying.

“We don’t hold hands. He just grabs me and drags me to places,” you said defensively.

“And they don’t hug each other and stare at each other’s eyes while talking about pizza,” Jaemin scoffed.

You just rolled your eyes at them. It never crossed your mind that maybe they were right. You and Mark have never acted like how friends should. Maybe it’s the reason why you’re in this mess after all.

You sighed to yourself. You miss him. You can’t even pretend that you don’t. He’s become such a huge part of your everyday life that you couldn’t just ignore the sudden empty space he left when he said he wanted to be alone. You know he needed time to be by himself. But a part of you keeps holding on to his promise that even after his confession, you two would still be friends. And friends text each other, right? So all your attempts at communication depended on just that.

Thursday, 5:31 PM

You: wanna go watch a movie? i’ll buy the tickets.

Mark: cant. i have an exam tomorrow. sorry :/ maybe next time?

You: oh. okay. goodluck on your exam :)

Friday, 2:21 AM

You: [photo] this is possibly the cutest cat photo i’ve seen in awhile

Mark: that’s cute but dogs are still cuter

You: … okay?

Mark: go to sleep, y/n

Friday, 12:03 PM

You: i know you dont have class rn. have lunch w me?

Mark: oh i already ate with jaemin. sorry!!

You: it’s okayyyy :>> i’ll see u later? it’s friday night sooo we can hang out.

Mark: idk the boys already asked me to go out tonight

You: oh okay have fun!

Saturday, 6:54 PM

You: maaaark

Mark: y/nnn

You: [types] i miss you kajdhfhdksjdh [deletes]

You: nothing haha wanna grab some coffee?

Saturday, 7:01 PM

You: nvm haha have a nice nighhhttt

Sunday, 10:21 PM

You: hey can we talk

Mark: ???

You: please?

Mark: ye what about?

You: you said we’d still be friends

Mark: lol aren’t we?

You: this isn’t how friends talk to each other. i miss having an actual conversation with you.

You: we dont even see each other anymore.

Mark: i literally reply more to u than i do to jaem wdym haha

You: wow fine okay

Mark: ?????

You: i guess i deserve that haha

Mark: im tired y/n. night.

You: :( nighttt

You checked your messages for the nth time, reading everything as if something was gonna miraculously change with the cold conversation thread. Your fingers have been hovering over the keypad, typing and deleting ‘i miss you’ and ‘talk to me’ for about a hundred times already.

You don’t get why you can’t just say it. What’s so wrong with telling your best friend you miss him? Why is it so hard to press send? Why are you suddenly so afraid of how he would reply or if he would even reply at all?

It was only 10:30 in the evening. You know for sure Mark is only lying about going to sleep. He never sleeps this early unless he really is tired. He does nothing on Sundays so he can’t possibly be tired. Sundays are usually just the two of you hanging out in his apartment or yours, just to watch movies or study together. So what did he do today?

“Stop thinking about him,” you grumbled to yourself. “It’s just Mark. He’s a big boy, he can handle himself.”

But that’s not the point, a voice inside your head said. Just tell him you miss him.

You typed it again, ‘I miss you,’ but deleted it as soon as it was finished. Again.

You’ve spent everyday with Mark that it suddenly hurts to think he’s enjoying the time you usually spend together alone. It’s crazy how you can’t stop thinking about how his day went or if he’s okay or whether he’s eaten or not. You know how stubborn he can be. Sometimes, he’d get so engulfed in whatever he’s doing that he would accidentally skip meals unless you remind him otherwise.

“Fuck this,” you muttered to yourself. You figured you won’t ever be left at peace if you don’t do anything about whatever you’re feeling, so you decided to text Jaemin.

Sunday, 10:52 PM

You: jaeeem hi :)

Jaemin: y/n!!!!! hello :>

You: sorry for bothering you but have you talked to mark lately?

Jaemin: im talking to him rn haha why? you want me to ask him something?

You: not really hahaha how is he?

Jaemin: haha why not ask him yourself

You: he doesnt wanna talk to me lol pls just answer

Jaemin: he’s stubborn as always. he wont listen to me.

You: why, what’s he doing?

Jaemin: idk but it’s definitely not talking to you ksjdjkd

You: … very funny

Jaemin: sorry lmaooo he’s running on an hour or two of sleep everyday

You: jaemin!! why won’t you scold him?

Jaemin: we do! he just doesn’t listen. u know he only listens to you.

Jaemin: idk why you guys still arent together lmao bunch of idiots tbh

You: we’re just friends

Jaemin: rlly? oh btw mark hyung is looking for his save the bees shirt. did u see it anywhere?

You: yeah he left it here like two weeks ago when he slept over

Jaemin: LMAOOO DOESNT SOUND LIKE FRIENDS TO ME CHIEF

You: i fckingskjfhfn hate you

Jaemin: HJSJSHHDJD ok but seriously tho mark hyung is fine. just give him time, he’ll come around.

Jaemin: he misses you but u didnt hear it from me

Jaemin: ok bye he’s getting suspicious now lol

You: idk how you’re both an angel and the devil at the same time

You: anw thanks jaem. dont tell him i asked about him lol byeee

You sighed, putting your phone down in surrender. Your mind was more of a mess now than it was before you talked to Jaemin. You hate that he makes sense especially about the weird, more-than-friendly dynamics of your relationship with Mark. But more importantly, your head was beginning to be overfilled with worry.

Mark runs on barely two hours of sleep everyday. No wonder he always looks so out of it whenever you see him in the hallway. You wanted to call him, to tell him that he should sleep already, to remind him that he shouldn’t overwork himself, that doing just enough is okay. But you know he doesn’t want to talk to you. The cold replies and the ‘????’ were more than enough to tell you that.

Still, you figured it was worth a try sending him a little reminder. So you grabbed your phone once again and typed a message, revealing a little more of your emotions than you intended to. And before you could even think twice about it, you hit send.

Sunday, 11:04 PM

You: hey i know you’re still not asleep. dont worry, you dont have to reply to me. i just wanna tell you that you should take care of yourself. i know you. you’re stubborn and sometimes you won’t sleep or eat unless someone reminds you to so,, this is me reminding you haha. stop overworking yourself mark, please? you cant be sick cause i cant take care of you since you wont talk to me… lol jk. but seriously, get more rest (and talk to me,, hahah jk again unless u wanna ;)) please go to sleep now. goodnight. see you around i guess.

You stopped texting Mark after that. You wondered if he would find the initiative to talk to you first if you didn’t start the conversation. Now, two days have passed and your sleep reminder remains to be the last message on your conversation thread. You couldn’t say it didn’t hurt. You were hoping for at least a small thanks but didn’t get anything at all.

You were starting to get more and more frustrated as the days went by. It’s so unfair that you are slowly losing your best friend because of this. It’s unfair that you can’t even be mad at him because you just broke his heart. You wished there was any way you could have changed what happened, but the past remains to be written.

That afternoon, you passed by one of the cafes you and Mark always go to. You went inside, suddenly craving their special banana muffin which he introduced to you some months ago. The owner recognized you right away as you came up to the cashier.

“You’re not with your boyfriend today?” she asked.

You felt your heart skip a beat and not in a good way. It hurt. You figured there was no use in explaining since she probably won’t believe that Mark is not your boyfriend so you just smiled sadly and answered, “No.”

The lady somehow talked you into buying two muffins so you can bring one to your “boyfriend.” After handing her your payment, you realized maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. Mark always brings you stuff whenever you’re mad or upset. He knows exactly what you’re craving for even before you knew you were craving for it. Why not try if it works on him?

As soon as you headed out the cafe, you whipped your phone out to text Jaemin, asking if he knew where Mark was. It’s Tuesday, his most free day of the week so he could be anywhere. Jaemin replied not after five minutes.

Jaemin: not sure but he mentioned something about the library??

You: okay thank you!

From that, you knew exactly where Mark is. There was a small patio-like spot beside the library that he likes going to. Not a lot of people utilize the place since the tables and chairs are almost always filled with dried fallen leaves from the surrounding trees but Mark likes the thought of being close to nature.

That day though, there were more people around the area than usual. It was lunchtime so most people were out of the classrooms. Still, it wasn’t hard spotting Mark. It has never been much of a challenge finding him in a crowd of people. You saw him as soon as he came into view, sitting by the table on the corner under one of the ginkgo trees. He had his laptop open and a box of food beside it. His eyebrows furrowed in concentration one moment and then he was laughing the next.

You were about to make your way towards him but immediately stopped in your tracks when you realized he wasn’t alone.

You didn’t know who the girl was. You’ve seen her a lot of times in class and in the hallway. You even have a vague memory of Mark talking to her one time. But you never really bothered to learn her name. She had that soft, innocent look that goes so well with her shy smile. She had her hair tucked in her ears to show just enough of her pretty face. She was beautiful. Unconventionally but undeniably. But none of that mattered.

When she said something with a smirk and Mark let out his trademark laugh, nose scrunching, hand repeatedly hitting the table, shoulders shaking and all, it felt like something punched you in the stomach. He uttered something in reply and now both of them are clutching their sides for laughing too hard.

He looks happy, you thought, I should be, too.

But you aren’t. You continued watching their exchange, him showing her something on his laptop and both of them laughing once again. Your chest felt heavy, like something was sitting on it and now it hurts to breathe. You didn’t realize you’ve been clutching the plastic bag containing the muffin too hard until you felt the sting of nails digging on your palms. You knew you should look away but you couldn’t. You wanted to run towards him. You wanted to tell the girl to scooch over so you can sit beside Mark and give him his muffin.

This is pathetic. I should be happy for him, you said to yourself. But why am I not?

You wanted to be angry, to scream and say that it should be you he’s laughing like that with. To say that it’s you he should be spending his time with. You wanted to ask if he still feels the way he said he does about you. And if he does, then why this? But you remained glued to the ground.

You hated how you were being selfish. You rejected him, remember? So why do you expect him to follow your tails like an intoxicated mad dog? Why can’t you be happy at the possibility that he found someone that feels the same way he does? Why does it… hurt? It’s not supposed to. If you really are friends, then him being happy with someone after your rejection should make you happy as well. If you really are friends, then you shouldn’t be standing here looking stupid, watching them from afar, wishing he’s with you instead.

“What are you looking at?”

You jumped at the sudden disruption, almost dropping your muffins. “What the hell, Jaemin?!” you whined, finally looking away from Mark.

“Mark hyung and Mina?” he snorted.

So that’s her name. “No,” you lied, forcing yourself to take a step away, then another, then another.

“Are you jealous?” Jaemin teased. “Have you finally realized you’re also whipped for our hyung?”

“No,” you grumbled.

“Then why are you almost crying?”

You blinked. You didn’t even realize the tears pooling in your eyes. Why are you being like this? “Shut up. I’m not.”

Jaemin only shrugged. “Fine. Torture yourself, then.” He smirked. “By the way, Jeno and I are inviting people to our place this Friday after exams. Just some drinks and maybe karaoke, I don’t know. We all deserve a break from hell. Wanna come?”

You didn’t reply. Your mind was too preoccupied with other things.

“Mark hyung is coming,” he said. “Maybe Mina too.”

“I don’t wanna go,” you said immediately, suddenly coming up with a decision.

The boy laughed. “You are jealous! God, I love it when you prove yourself wrong. You shouldn’t be though. You already know he likes you.”

“I’m not jealous! Stop it,” you whined, really wanting to cry this time. Everything is so frustrating and Jaemin is not being of any help. You wanted to go home and just wrap yourself in your blanket and maybe one of Mark’s hoodies.

“Then come to our place this Friday. It’s gonna be fun.” He grinned.

“Fine. Whatever. Just get away from me, you little shit,” you said, kicking him lightly in the butt.

You didn’t know if it was a lie or not but if Mark really is seeing someone now, you just didn’t like the idea of seeing them flirt with each other in front of your eyes. Even the thought of it makes you want to pull all your hair out. Is that considered jealousy? If so, why are you feeling it for someone who’s supposed to be just a friend?

Thursday came and you found yourself crying after realizing the shirt you’ve been wearing the whole day was Mark’s. No wonder he looked surprised seeing you in the hallway. He looked away immediately though, acting as if you weren’t there. It didn’t even cross your mind since you use this shirt quite a lot.

After calming yourself down, you put your playlist on shuffle and cried some more after Friends by Ed Sheeran started playing. You didn’t even realize how fitting the song was for your situation until now. Mark probably did.

You remembered him singing that song once. The two of you were just lounging in his apartment. He was playing his guitar while you pretended to study when in reality you were just looking at him. You watched as his fingers plucked and strummed the guitar strings while he softly mumbled lyrics, head bobbing to the tune. He’s good. Unsurprisingly, since he’s good at everything.

When he realized you were staring at him, he turned his head slightly to meet your eyes, one side of his lips curling up into a smirk. “No, my friends won’t love me like you do,” he sang.

You looked away, your cheeks heating up almost immediately. It was hard to focus on your readings when he’s sitting right in front of you looking like that, singing like that. You sighed. He truly was never being subtle about how he felt.

After finishing the song, Mark put his guitar down and laid his head on your lap, not even bothering to ask if it’s okay. That’s how comfortable you were with each other.

“What are you doing?” You remember whining.

“Wake me up after 15 minutes,” he said, already closing his eyes. You took a photo of him that night. He’s cute when he’s asleep. Even cuter when you look at him up close.

Of course, you just had to search your camera roll to find the photo. When you did, it felt as if a storm was raging on your stomach and a gorilla was pounding on your chest. It never dawned to you just how much it hurts that he suddenly left you alone until that moment.

“Goddamn, I miss you so much,” you muttered, looking at his peaceful expression in the photo.

And then you cried some more. You feel lost.

All you wanted to do was curl up in his arms and inhale his scent and listen to how his day went (and maybe accidentally fall asleep together). It sucks because you really had no one else to turn to. The single person who has always been your safe place doesn’t want to talk to you and even if he did, you really wouldn’t know what to say. Perhaps friends really aren’t like that. The thought of everyone being right when they said that maybe you and Mark were never really just friends has never been stronger than it was tonight.

Still, you couldn’t be bothered to sort your feelings out.

He feels like home, you thought. It was the best way to explain the sense of comfort and safety and the feeling of being more than enough that he provides you. It’s the only thing you can think of when your mind drifts to how he is always the constant person that you run to at the end of the day. But friends can feel like home, too, right?

Not to this extent. Not really.

Friday. You found yourself aimlessly roaming around the neighborhood after your classes in the hopes of distracting yourself from your feelings or whatever the hell they’re supposed to be called. You wouldn’t have remembered Jaemin’s party if you didn’t happen to pass by their apartment building.

You stood in front of it for two solid minutes, contemplating whether to go or not.

Mark might be there, you thought. With everything that’s going on in your head and with all the mess happening in your chest, would it really be a good idea to see him? You thought maybe all these things you’re feeling are just a result of missing him. All these sadness and confusion might just be because you miss your best friend.

So you entered the building. You told yourself that you’ll try talking to him again this time, no matter how stubborn he’s going to be. And if it still doesn’t change anything, then you will take it as a sign to let him go. If not forever, then at least for now.

You reached the door to Jaemin and Jeno’s apartment. Even from the outside, the sound of the bass can already be heard. You wondered how long before the neighbors would file a complaint against them, but knowing Jaemin and Jeno, their neighbors are probably inside, partying with them right now.

Before entering, you looked down on your chest just to make sure you were wearing your own shirt and not Mark’s. It didn’t feel right wearing his stuff anymore. God, it really felt like you just broke up. Why is it like this?

You took a deep breath and opened the door. There were already a lot of people inside even if it was just 8 in the evening. Most of them, you know the faces of. You smiled to greet some and muttered a hi to others.

Renjun spotted you as soon as you came into the living room. “Y/N!” He grinned, handing you a cup of god knows what. “Jaemin said he invited you but we were all pretty sure you were gonna ghost us. But you didn’t!”

You laughed hesitantly. “Thanks, I guess?”

“Drink up. It’s a cocktail I made myself,” he said proudly, almost forcing the cup into your mouth.

You took a sip, figuring it won’t do any harm but you spat the liquid back to the cup as soon as it touched your tongue. “What the hell did you put in this?”

He shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. I just mixed in everything I could find. Thanks for trying it out though. I’ve been looking for a volunteer for five minutes already.”

You frowned. There were a lot of things you were unsure of at the moment but there is one thing that’s certain: you have weird friends. You were about to complain to Renjun when he plucked the cup from your grip and went on to find another victim, not even bothering to listen when you said you literally spat on the cup.

Mark didn’t seem to be anywhere. The apartment wasn’t that big so if he was here, it would be easy to spot him. Maybe he decided not to show up after knowing you were coming. And honestly, part of you was relieved. As much as you wanted to talk to him, you still didn’t know what to say.

I’m sorry I broke your heart, but I miss you so much and I did a lot of thinking and maybe we really shouldn’t be labeled as just friends but I don’t know if I love you, is that okay? That’s just stupid. This whole thing is stupid.

You wanted to leave. Parties have never really been your thing. You usually just go because Mark asked you to since he loves interacting with people. But you figured you needed some alcohol in your system, mainly as a distraction, but also to give you a boost of courage just in case. So you made your way to the kitchen, avoiding eye contact with anyone as much as possible.

You stopped in your tracks as you came to the kitchen. The sound of that laugh was all too familiar.

Great, you thought. Mark was there. And Mina was too. But so were Jeno and Jaemin who exchanged looks as soon as their eyes landed on you. They were all laughing about something before you came.

“You’re here!” Jaemin said a little too enthusiastically in a poor attempt to address the sudden increase of tension in the room.

“Hi,” you said, smiling sheepishly, purposefully avoiding Mark’s gaze which you could feel boring into you. “Just gonna get a drink.”

“Help yourself,” Jeno said. Jaemin smirked beside him.

The refrigerator was just beside Mark. Just great, you thought again. You walked towards it, desperately trying to ignore the four pairs of eyes following your every move.

“Excuse me,” you muttered, still not looking at your best friend.

Mark took a step sideways before opening the fridge for you. You muttered a quick thanks before grabbing the first bottle your hands landed on, not even bothering to check what it was. You really just wanted to get out of there. Maybe the talking to Mark plan was flawed from the beginning because you clearly can’t find the courage in you to face him now.

Beside you, Mark clicked his tongue. He was so close that you could smell his perfume mixed with a bit of alcohol. It made your knees weak.

He took the bottle from your hand and put it back before grabbing a different one and handing it to you. “The other one had vodka. Vodkas give you a headache, remember?” he said in a slightly annoyed tone.

“Oh.” Your voice sounded small even to your own ears. Not gonna lie, you wanted to cry at that moment. “Thanks.”

You could hear Jaemin snickering behind you but you couldn’t bring it in yourself to care. You turned to everyone and said a quick goodbye before dashing out of the kitchen.

Your heart was beating hard and rapidly and not because you moved too fast. You didn’t know why but it hurt seeing Mark like that, like he was okay, like nothing changed with the two of you. It hurt knowing that even after everything, he still knows you the best.

You wanted to run. You wanted to disappear. But you couldn’t leave without passing by the kitchen. Somehow, you know someone in there would stop you. If not Mark, then definitely Jaemin. But you really wanted to be alone. So you resorted to the next best thing. You whipped your phone out and sent Jaemin a text.

You: thanks for inviting me to this party. now i feel like shit :D

Jaemin: IM SORRY BUT DONT LEAVE YET TF

You: i need to be alone and i cant leave without passing by the kitchen and seeing mark. so pls let me use your room for a while.

You: i wont do anything i promise. i just need to calm down.

Jaemin: fine but dont lock the door

You: okay thanks

The door to Jaemin’s room was at the other end of the apartment. You made your way through the noisy crowd, slipping from Renjun’s weird gimmicks when he tried to make you a victim once again, before finally reaching the quiet confines of Jaemin’s room.

The thin walls barely blocked the noise but at least there was no one else here. You sat at the edge of the bed and placed the beer bottle on the floor. You forgot you didn’t even manage to open it. So you just stared at your feet, trying to catch your breath even if you didn’t do anything. That heavy feeling on your chest was back again. It was now associated with being in Mark’s presence.

You started counting to ten to calm yourself down before burying your face on your palms, breaking down into sobs as soon as your forehead came in contact with your fingers. “God, why can’t I just…” you cried, “... admit it to myself already?”

You wanted to thrash around in the bed in frustration but you thought Jaemin didn’t deserve such a mess so you settled with getting up and lightly banging your head against the door. It’s a bad habit you do when you feel annoyed or frustrated. Mark has always been reminding you to stop before you hurt yourself.

Mark. Again. You groaned, hitting your head a little harder this time.

Someone knocked on the door making you stop. You took a step back, thinking you just imagined it. But there it was again.

“Someone’s here,” you said, trying to hide the sound of your voice breaking.

“I know. Can I come in?” It was Mark. There was no question.

Your heart started pounding on your chest once again. You wanted to tell him to go away but you couldn’t find it in yourself to do so.

He took your silence as a yes. He swung the door slightly and poked his head through the small opening. Your hands immediately flew to your face to hide the fact that you’ve been crying.

“You know, I came in here because I didn’t wanna see you when I pass by the kitchen if I leave then you come here making me look like a clown,” you said, your voice muffled by your hands.

Mark chuckled softly. “Why didn’t you wanna see me?”

You didn’t reply. Your face felt hot, not just because of the tears that just won’t stop falling but also because all the blood has come rushing to your cheeks.

Mark grabbed both your wrists and gently lowered your hands down, trying to see your face, but your head bent down as soon as it wasn’t covered. “Y/N, look at me,” he said, hands still on your wrists.

“No.”

“Are you crying?” The idiot crouched down to have a glimpse of your face making you whine and cover your face again. “Last I checked, I should be the one looking brokenhearted around here.”

“God I hate you,” you mumbled. “You ignored me for nearly four weeks and you come in here just to make fun of me.”

He let out an empty laugh. “Well, you did break my heart so…”

At that, you removed your hands from your face to look at him. You were going to say sorry but Mark had that smug look on his face that made you want to punch him. It was almost convincing if you weren’t so good at reading the real emotions in his eyes. His expression softened upon finally seeing you properly.

He looked away, not being able to hold your gaze either. That just confirmed how hard he was trying to keep up with the exterior he was showing everyone.

“I’m sorry,” you said, voice breaking.

He sighed. “I told you. It’s okay.”

“But it’s not,” you cried. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t realize how easy it was to misread what we had because let’s face it, we don’t act like ‘just friends.’ I’m sorry because I was too blind to see how you felt even when you weren’t really trying to hide it. I’m sorry because even though I rejected you, I was so selfish that I still wanted to keep you for myself without realizing that you probably needed to be away from me to move on. I’m sorry because…” you swallowed.

Mark was just looking at you, eyebrows slightly raised in anticipation of what you were going to say next. You missed him. You missed that cute face of his. You missed being in his presence. You missed his voice and his laugh and how he loves teasing you even if he probably feels like shit inside. You missed everything. Four weeks have been too long without each other. Four weeks is too long without your best friend. Four weeks is too long without your home. And that’s when you realized…

“... I can’t let you go. And I might be too late, but I’m sorry that I only just realized why.”

“Why?” he asked.

It was a simple question. Why? Yet it managed to carve out every single feeling you’ve ever felt for this boy. Every little moment he made you laugh. Every small heartbreak you get when he fails to keep his tiny promises. Every single night you ‘accidentally’ fell asleep next to each other. Every ounce of fulfillment you get when you finally convince him to sleep after a long day. Every goodnight. Every good morning. Everything.

“I love you,” you said. It sounded almost like an exhale.

For a moment, Mark didn’t reply. Your head immediately started swarming with unwelcomed thoughts. Maybe you were too late. You almost forgot about Mina who he seems to be having an excellent time with. Maybe he managed to move on within those four weeks. It’s possible, right? You had your chance and you missed it.

Finally, Mark let out a laugh, his head falling down to look at the floor. “I told you you didn’t have to say it back,” he said, voice soft.

You shook your head. “I’m not saying it because you said it first,” you said. “I realize this might be the worst timing but I just thought you should know you weren’t the only one being stupid enough to fall for their best friend. I was just too dumb to realize that that’s what it was.”

“Why would it be the worst timing?” He frowned.

You felt like crying again. You really wish you had some alcohol in your system right now. Why is this whole confession thing taking so long? “‘Cause you’re dating Mina? Or trying to. I don’t know. I tried not keeping tabs on you because our friends are assholes who wouldn’t stop teasing me. She’s pretty, by the way. You two look good together.”

Mark laughed again. It was raw and real this time, and god, the way your chest tightened in endearment at the sound was so pure. “You thought me and Mina are dating?”

“Aren’t you? I’ve seen you guys together a lot.” Well, once. But you tend to overestimate things.

“No!” He snorted. “Jaemin and I are trying to get her and Jeno together. If anything, she made me realize that we definitely aren’t just friends.”

“Really?” Now you just feel stupid. But what else is new? It’s all you’ve been feeling lately. Come to think of it, Mark and Mina didn’t even come close to how you two act with each other.

“Really,” he said. “Friends don’t stay at each other’s place and cuddle with each other just to fall asleep, Y/N. Besides, I said I love you, didn’t I? Did you really think that’s just gonna go away that quickly?”

“Mark, I can’t even sort my feelings out. How am I supposed to figure out how yours work?” You sighed.

“Fine. Just to be clear, I still love you. Even if you don’t, I love you,” he said, taking both your hands and placing it on his shoulder before putting his on your waist.

“But I do.”

“Say it then.”

“I love you. Even if you’re the dorkiest person I know, I love you.” Your fingers tangled themselves in his hair. You’ve run your hands through his hair so many times before. You wondered why it never crossed your mind that you liked doing it not because his hair is soft but because you were sucker for the domestic feeling of it.

Mark couldn’t stop himself from smiling that he had to bury his face at the crook of your neck. “I’m not used to this, sorry.”

“Me neither,” you laughed.

When he finally composed himself, he pulled away just enough to look at you. All those times you’ve stood this close before does not even compare to how it’s like right now. This is the perfect mix of feeling new but familiar.

“You have no idea how many mornings I fought the urge to kiss you whenever we wake up next to each other,” he said in a soft voice.

“Well, nothing’s stopping you know, is there?” you muttered, eyes fluttering to his lips.

You pulled Mark down by the neck as he pulled you closer to him, your lips finally connecting. The idea of kissing him isn’t new to you. There were so many times before that you’ve found yourself inches away from his face and slamming your lips together wouldn’t have been such a bad idea. But this is the first you actually kissed him yet he felt so familiar that you were almost sure you’ve done this a million times before. His lips were soft against yours that it made you weak in the knees. If he weren’t holding onto you like he was, you probably would’ve crumpled already.

The two of you pulled away, breathless.

“Wow,” he breathed. “That didn’t even come close to how I imagined it would feel like.”

You laughed. “This whole night didn’t come close to how I imagined it would be like. I thought you were gonna keep on ignoring me. And honestly, I wouldn’t know how to cope anymore because I really, really miss you already. So thanks for saving me.”

“Stop making me blush. I don’t know how I can possibly love you more than this.”

You rolled your eyes but you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. This was only one of the very few times that the reality went better than your expectations. But then again, maybe you and Mark have always been meant to happen. It was happening even before you realized it was. And now that you finally managed to sort how you both felt, there was no more wasting chances.

“Do I still have to ask you to be my girlfriend?” he asked.

“We’ve literally slept in the same bed so many times. I’d be more surprised if we’re not dating already,” you joked.

Mark grinned. “You’re literally the only one who didn’t realize that until today, but it’s okay, I still love you.”

You laughed. “Wanna go outside and pretend we didn’t make up? I’m 100% sure Jaemin betted on us.”

“I worry how your mind works sometimes, Y/N,” Mark said with a frown before kissing you on the forehead. “But let’s do it.”

You smiled. You’ve said it a lot but you really missed this proximity. You missed being able to hug him whenever you want, and now you can kiss him whenever you want too. You wanted to say you could get used to this, but the thing is… you already are.

#y/n is a clown here read at your own risk #BUT PLS ENJOY CAUSE I DID #dhjdkjfhdfk i should stop writing about mark #nct au #nct imagines #mark lee imagines #mark lee #nct mark au #nct prompts #nct blurbs #soft nct hours #sad nct hours #nct fluff au #nct angst au #nct dream au #nct 127 au

941 notes · View notes

scullysexual · 4 years ago

Text

{untitled post col fic}

Yeh it’s untitled because...reasons.

I- it’s like 11:30pm rn and I’ve been going back and forth on whether to post this or not and then I decided I would because it’s me and what do you expect. Not much I can say about this. It’s a post colonisation fic where bad stuff happens so like...proceed carefully. I wanna thank my Spooky Llama Squad- most importantly @mypanicface @baronessblixen @clarke-oswald and @foxscully because without their feedback I’d have noped out of this Big Time. I can’t make any promises that I’ll update this because I really am not in the position to be writing ANOTHER multichapter. I’m also giving it to you in it’s original version so some parts might not make sense. Also we jump around loads so sorry if you get confused there too.

@today-in-fic

- - -

Burnt bodies left in a heap, smoke still emitting from the pile.

Mulder’s stomach drops and he runs towards it. Skinner tells him to wait, make sure this isn’t an ambush but Mulder isn’t listening, his knees skid on the ground as he begins inspecting all the bodies. Their burnt beyond recognition, he has no way of knowing…

They were gone an hour on a patrol, like any other day, what the fuck happened?

Mulder stands and looks towards Skinner. He does nothing to keep the worry nor fear out of them.

“We can’t be sure she’s in there,” Skinner tells him. “They would have given them a choice.”

Mulder thinks on that for a moment. Skinner was right, they always give them a choice but what one would Scully have chosen? Death is simple; a shot to the head, execution style, quick and simple. Life is…less so. This life, anyway. Where you are taken and sold to the highest bidder to be…Mulder didn’t want to think of her like that.

He looks to the pile of bodies, maybe that would have been better.

Something shines not to far from the heap. It catches his attention and Mulder crouches back down towards the object. Half hidden in the mud, he frees it.

At the realisation of what he holds, Mulder is both relieved and terrified.

“What is that?” Skinner asks.

A gold cross, so characteristically belonging to her. The clasp is broken like somebody had yanked it from her. They wouldn’t have bothered with that if she’d chosen death. This cross was proof.

“I want to find her,” Mulder says handing the cross towards Skinner.

Skinner observes it, a hint of hesitation across his face.

“Mulder, we have no way of knowing where they’ve taken her.”

He doesn’t care. She was somewhere in the country. What was left of the country.

He takes back the cross and fashions it into a bracelet, wrapping it around his wrist.

There’s not much in terms of belongings to grab, having all he needs right now on his wrist, setting out on his search for Scully.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

They slept through the world ending.

Limbs entangled and skin warm beneath the covers, neither one had any idea that this would be the last time they would lay in this bed, together or apart.

It turns out it was the White House blowing up that had woken him up, not that Mulder had any idea at the time. He woke with a start, a pit in his stomach as he tries to think of that the noise would’ve been: fireworks, gunshots…

But he knew then what it had been.

Scully is waking seconds behind him, yawning and asking what the noise was.

Mulder climbs out of the bed.

“What’s wrong?” Scully asks.

He doesn’t answer her, throwing on the discarded pair of sweatpants and heading into his living room to switch on the TV.

The news is on when Scully enters and she props herself up on the arm of the couch. The news displays what’s left of the White House.

“…Is the third building to be destroyed with reports that many more are as we speak…”

Miles away, Mulder picks up his phone beside him, his heart dropping when he notices the onslaught of miss calls.

“How many miss calls have you got?”

Scully searches for her cell. “I don’t know, I don’t have my phone.”

“I’ve got seventeen,” he says beginning to call Skinner back. “This is bad, Scully.”

Scully nods as the no-signal operator sounds through the phone. He rips it from his ear in a huff and tosses it beside him.

“I can’t get through to Skinner,” he says. He switches off the TV, his hands going over his face.

“So what do we do?” Scully asks, looking as worried as he feels.

Mulder stands. “Get dressed,” he tells her. “And let’s hope the Hoover Building is still standing before we get there.”

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Night and day they’re kept in this barn, they’re feet chained to the wall. It rained hard the first night, water soaking through the gaps, within an hour they were soaked through, shivering in the cold. The floor was still damp but not so much with the rain anymore. Scully’s eyes had widen when she looked down to see a yellow-ish twinge of liquid pooling towards her. When she looked at the woman who had urinated, a tear fell down the side of her cheek and Scully had quickly looked away, pretending she hadn’t seen or heard anything.

The woman wasn’t the only one to pee. After five days of being in here, they all had done it. The tears stopped, too.

She wakes to the sound of the barn doors opening, light flooding through. The two men who took them here stand in the doorway, rifles strapped to their backs, pistols at their sides.

Most of the women assumed they were twins yet Scully knew better, after all she had investigated it once upon a time. What they really where were clones.

“Wakey, wakey, ladies!” the one in red shouts.

Their presence here was surprising. Nobody had seen the clones since their arrival. Their being here meant something was happening.

Scully’s suspicions are confirmed when the people who usually bring them food enter. Heading over to the women nearest the door they begin unlocking the chains from the wall.

“That’s right,” the red one says at the questioning and hopeful looks the women begin to show. “You’re going on an adventure.”

There’s movement all around her as the one in blue shouts for them to stand. Scully waits until her chains are have unlocked before she follows suit. Her legs shake as she stands for the first time in five days, wincing in pain as the irons move about her feet.

“Before we head off though,” the red one says from the front. “You’re going to need an inspection.”

Scully swallows. There was no secret to where they were going, what they were about to become. Everyone knew it now. Men were taken to be used for hard labour, do all the work the hybrids didn’t want to do. Women were taken to be bred. Population was dwindling, babies not surviving past the age of one. That was a concern.

Yet what this inspection was, nobody knew.

“If you pass the inspection,” the red one continues. “You’ll board the van.” He points to a green van behind him. The same one they arrived at this barn in.

“If you fail…” There’s the sound of dogs barking, at least five of them. The clone doesn’t show the dog, instead he just grins gleefully.

“We like to turn it into a game,” says the blue one. “Makes it a bit more fun.”

The clones, and the people who unlocked their chains, begin making their way down the lines that they formed. It’s unclear what they are doing at first but as each woman heads off towards the van and the men come closer to Scully’s line, she can see the way their hands disappear up skirts and down pants, the uncomfortable shifting the women do before they’re indicated to which direction to go to, does Scully realise what is happening.

And the woman beside her does, too, barely stifling a cry.

She catches Scully’s attention and as Scully looks down does she notice faint red marks on her leg.

Babies can’t be made when you’re on your period.

And as the clones approach near to Scully and the woman, Scully begins to panic, on behalf of the woman. The dogs still bark outside, waiting.

“Don’t cry,” the red one says, wiping away a tear falling down the woman’s face. His hand disappears and Scully watches in horror as realisation passes across his face. Then that realisation turns to pure joy as he removes his hand to find it covered in blood.

“It’s an unlucky day for—”

“Leave her alone!”

The words are out of Scully’s mouth before she can stop them yet she refuses to take back her statement or cover her mouth in shock. She stares the red clone down, trying not to think about what’s going to happen to her now.

The clones, men, and those remaining all turn to look at her.

“Little bitch has a mouth,” the red one proclaims. He roughly shoves the woman aside, making a beeline for Scully.

The clone grabs her, pushing her face-first into the wall. Her cheekbone collides with it, sending a bout of pain up the side of her face.

“Take that one,” the red one motions to the blue one. “I can deal with this one.”

Scully feels his fingers brush against her thighs and tries with all her strength to shake him off her.

“You’re a little fighter, too,” he says, pushing her harder against the wall. “But you see, that’s not going to help you where you’re going.”

Despite all her moving and struggling, the clone manages to get his fingers to swipe through her folds and oh does Scully want to kick him hard in the shins right now.

But she doesn’t and he backs away, disappointed.

“That’s a shame,” he says as Scully turns when she realises she isn’t being held down any longer. “Would’ve been fun to see you run.”

He grabs her by her wrists, dragging her towards the barn doors.

“She’s going on the van,” he calls to his brother. “We’ll have to warn them about her.”

And Scully is almost thrown into the van. The woman and dogs nowhere to be seen.

.:.:.:.:.:.

If you wanted to catch a monster, you had to become one yourself.

He has a vague memory of somebody telling him that once. Maybe not in so many words but that’s truly what they meant, surely.

Mulder feels that way now. His status in this new life he hasn’t taken without a reason. While thankful for the luxuries he has, it’s the people he despises and he hates the idea of the others- of her- thinking he is just like them.

And maybe he is, on the surface, by just the first glance, but underneath there is still a humanity, a care, and ultimately, an end goal.

.:.:.:.:.

“How do we know they even have her?” asks Skinner.

They sit around a fire in what was once New York City, eating their last can of beans. Mulder had been quiet most of the time. It’s been three months since she can taken, three months of searching and still not finding. There were good days and bad days. Days when his hope and belief that they will find her was strong, pulling them through, and other days where he wanted to give in, to bed down and never move, to protect Skinner and hand himself in to be a slave to this new colony.

“She’s an abductee. They must have a record of her somewhere, must know she can’t be used in their breeding programs.”

“No!” Mulder almost shouts. At that notion, at the use of that word. Breeding program. Like she’s some kind of dog in a kennel. “Then they would’ve killed her.” He looks at the cross that has dangled from his wrist for three months. “She’s still alive. I know it. Feel it.”

Most nights he lays awake trying to connect to her, trying to feel for where she is, feel what she’s feeling. Most of the time, he just ends up feeling his own anguish and pain. She’s too far away.

“When will this end, Mulder?” Skinner asks. He’s asking for his own safety, his own sanity, and for Mulder’s too.

And like in the life before, Mulder is obsessive, caught on a hook and will not leave.

“Until I find her,” he says.

He couldn’t save Samantha and he will not make the same mistake with Scully.

.:.:.:.:.:.

“Maybe we’ll get lucky.” A woman’s voice protrudes his thoughts. Lucy. His wife. Blonde and tall. He should be thankful he was given someone who looks so different to Scully.

He knows nothing about her, nothing of her life before this, even amongst the Higher there are still things forbidden to talk about, they’re thoughts and conversations listened to closely. In constant surveillance.

“Maybe this will be the night,” Lucy continues. If there’s one thing clear about Lucy is that she is desperate for a child.

“Maybe,” says Mulder.

In truth, Mulder dislikes this process just much as the girl does. It’s hard on both of them.

“I’ll let you get ready then,” Lucy says and she leaves the room.

Mulder gives himself a moment to think things through. A means to an end, is a mantra he repeats almost every day and this moment is no different.

“Send her in,” he says.

Chloe is his girl, one of the older ones, because Mulder refuses to sleep with anyone under the age of 30. She is quiet, has the same thought process as he: Get this over and done with as quick as possible.

The scars of her cheek make it seem like she’s always smiling, a sick joke. There life is nothing to smile about. He tries not to think of those same scars across Scully’s face.

He tries not to think of Scully at all. She’s always there, never fully gone. When he’s alone, he’ll talk to her, her voice glued to his mind, as familiar as his own.

But when it’s time for this, he prefers her gone.

Chloe climbs onto the bed on her hands and knees and it’s time to start.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

He’s more fortunate than most of the other refugees they share this shelter with. They’ve lost people, children, spouses, lovers. He still has Scully, can still have some normalcy of wrapping his arms around her when he sleeps, can still quietly forget where he is when he’s loses himself in her each night. Tries not to feel guilty about it when they’re little curtain goes up, giving them minimal privacy.

He always lays against her when they finish. She once told him she didn’t mind the feeling of him crushing her. He keeps himself inside her until he can’t anymore.

“I love you,” he says every time against her skin afterwards, peppering kisses all over her collarbones.

“You say that like it’s the last time you’re ever going to say it,” she notes.

He props his chin up against her.

“I could be.”

Her hands brush through his hair and he places his head back down against her, his eyes shutting.

“No,” she gently tells him.

It was.

#post col sad angsty fic #cause its me #wot?#did you come here expecting fluff #get out of here #i rlly be posting this huh #i write #kill me

33 notes · View notes

lovedsammy · 5 years ago

Text

such sweet sorrow; [sastiel coda to 15.03]

I’m mad at Dean rn, so I wrote a vent fic. This is not very Dean friendly (following canon). Wrote this in less than an hour so….. not very well done, and probably has mistakes everywhere. I can’t bring myself to care, lol.

@casquecest @wendibird @avalonsilver

SUMMARY: Sam finds out that Dean caused Cas to leave. 15.03 coda. Some Sam and Rowena feels. Angst galore. Mostly Sastiel. :)

READ HERE on Ao3

He can still feel the grasp of the blade between his fingers, the plunge into soft flesh, see Rowena’s blood drying on his hands. He can still see her, her face wet with tears, pale from a combination of the blood loss and fear, her entire body trembling. And yet, her expression had never wavered in its softness, her smile warm and fond as she prepared for her final swan song.

Goodbye, boys.

It’s a memory on repeat in slow motion, even from behind his closed lids when Dean speaks to him.

“What you did, Rowena….”

He remembers the way her lithe body had fallen into the mouth of Hell, swallowing her hole and closing behind her like a suction hose. She’d looked beautiful in death, her red hair flowing behind her, dressed in her pink, flowy gown. She’d looked like something out of a fairytale, Sam thinks. It’s an odd association, one that is quite unlike who Rowena was, but it’s how Sam chooses to remember her.

“You didn’t have a choice.”

“I know.”

He hadn’t. But he wishes that, more than anything, he’d had.

And beneath the loss of her, there are so many more welts festering in his heart.

Sam hurts, and hurts, and hurts.

God, when would it end? Well, maybe asking their almighty creator that question was a pointless task. God had no intention of letting this end, he knew. At least not yet. When were things ever that simple? All of his life, his and Dean’s, he’d existed as a pawn for someone else’s game, had been a toy to break and toss and throw away without a care for the breakage. His and Dean’s lives were a tale of endless torment -- sometimes physical, mostly mental. It felt like it would never be over. No matter how much God got sick of them, not even if he was gone. God took a personal enjoyment in their suffering.

You’re enjoying this.

He sighs, gathers himself, and decides to leave his room for the first time in hours to see what Cas is up to. He needs a distraction. He’s pretty sure that Cas does, too. The pain of losing Jack is still raw and heavy, and it would overwhelm almost everything else if it weren’t followed by even more of it. His mother. Jack. Rowena. Ketch. So many losses in such a short amount of time that Sam craves just a little to be able to turn himself off, to feel nothing at all. But that thought reminds him of his soulless days, and those are days that can stay far in the past. But Cas… Cas has lost just as much as he has, the boy that both of them loved but who was better suited to have Castiel as his father, in the end. Sam had lost that title when he’d agreed to lock the Nephilim up. But honestly, he thinks he’d lost it long before that.

He meets Dean in the library.

“Hey,” Sam says, clearing his throat.

Dean glances up and nods at him around his glass of whiskey. “Hey.”

“Do you happen to know where Cas is?” Sam asks. “I checked his room, but he wasn’t there. Tried knocking on Jack’s too, thinking he might’ve - but…I didn’t really go in.” Sam stops himself. It was still too soon to think about Jack’s room. He fights the wave of nausea at the realization that everything of the boy’s was still there. The photo of Kelly, his clothes, his DVD’s and comic books. The box of cookie crisp tucked under his bed that he didn’t know that Sam had found but chosen not to bring up….

“He’s gone.”

Sam’s world, spiraling in a haze of pain, comes to a screeching halt. “What?”

“Yeah, he left,” Dean says nonchalantly, and automatically, it gives Sam a bad feeling.

“Why? What happened?”

Dean shrugs. “He didn’t wanna be here, and honestly? I didn’t really want him here, either. Do I need to say anything else?”

Sam’s a bit stunned by Dean’s disregard for their angelic friend. It was true that Dean and Cas had been having their problems lately (and long before that, really), but this new attitude from Dean concerning one of their last remaining allies rubs him the wrong way.

“Wait. Don’t tell me that you’re seriously still pissed at him?” When Dean says nothing, he huffs.“Really? Our last angel friend - hell, one of our LAST friends, period, and you... what? You chase him off? You can’t really still be blaming him for Mom -”

“You damn right I’m blaming him for Mom, Sam,” Dean snaps. “Jack’s gone. He’s dead. He’s not here to answer for himself or to take responsibility for it. But Cas? He is. He played a part in that too. He didn’t tell us, he didn’t warn us that something was wrong with the kid! Cas hid that from us, just like he always does, and it ended with us paying the price! When something goes wrong with our lives, it’s usually him at the fucking forefront of it all!”

Sam shakes his head, awed. “Tell me that you didn’t tell him that.”

Dean snorts. “Does it matter if I did? He left, Sam. End of story. He’s a big boy, he can take care of himself. And we can take care of us.”

And now Sam’s feeling ire to go along with the grief.

“I can’t believe you. I know things are bad right now, Dean. But come on. Cas is our friend. He’s family. He’s been with us for the past eleven years and has saved both of our asses so many times. He’s been there, when no one else was. Cas had nothing to do with Mom, and it’s crap that you’re pinning that on him!”

Dean rounds on him. “Sam, I know you’re upset about Rowena, but don’t. I’m allowed to feel how I do, all right?”

“So am I,” Sam says defensively. “And I for one don’t blame Cas. You chasing him out of here was a choice you made, not me. I didn’t even -” He rakes a hand down his face, and then reaches into his back pocket for his cell phone. “You know what? Fine. You made Cas leave. I’m calling him back.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “Do whatever the hell you want. I tell you this, if he does come back, I don’t want him anywhere near me. So make sure to tell him that.”

“Yeah, that’s not an issue,” Sam growls, and he stalks away to his bedroom.

He dials Cas’s number.

It rings several times, but there’s no answer. Sam’s chest clenches in worry. He hopes that Cas is all right. A small part of him also hopes that the angel isn’t angry with him and is ignoring his calls just because of how Dean is acting. When after three attempts there is no response, Sam decides texting might be the next best approach.

Cas,

Hey. You left without even saying goodbye. I didn’t even know you were gone until just a couple of minutes ago. Listen, man, I’m sorry about Dean. The way he’s treating you right now is not fair at all. I made sure to let him know that. But I just wanted to tell you that I don’t blame you. I never have, never will. I hope I didn’t give you that impression. And I feel the need to apologize to you, Cas. I didn’t get a chance to say it before. I know I messed up with Jack, and I’m sorry. I’m going to regret what happened with him for the rest of my life. I loved him, too, and even though I was mad, I never wanted what happened to him to happen. I went to look for you because I know you’re in pain, too, and I hoped we could talk. If not about Jack, then anything. You’re my friend and I want to support you. Please, call me. Text me back. Don’t shut me out. And come home. Please. Dean’s not the only one who gets a say around here.

Sam.

He waits for a long time, and starts to think that Cas has no intention of responding when his phone goes off. He answers before it’s even past the second ring. “Cas?”

“Hello, Sam,” Cas says, and his voice sounds like he’s been crying. Or at least, close to it. Sam can’t blame him. He’s still hoarse himself. “I got your text.”

The simplicity of the statement almost makes Sam laugh, because yeah, he’d hope so. Classic Castiel. It made him even more appreciative of the times when things weren’t as complicated as they were now. “Yeah? Good. That’s good.”

“How are you feeling?” Cas asks.

Sam thinks about it, and just decides to be honest. “Awful,” He admits. “I feel like my chest is being crushed with everything that I’m feeling. I can’t really tune it out.”

“You never really could,” Cas says gently. “You’ve always allowed yourself to feel, and to feel deeply. It’s always a relief to be able to see that side of you still hasn’t changed, even with all that you’ve been through.”

Sam doesn’t know what to say to that, so he instead goes for the main reason he wanted to talk to Cas in the first place.

“Cas,” He starts. “Come back. Please. We - I need you here. I want you here. We can just stay and hang in my room and watch Netflix, you don’t even need to see Dean -”

“Sam, I don’t think I can do that,” Cas says despondently. “I’m sorry.”

Sam was expecting that response, but it stings nonetheless.

“Please don’t make me lose you too,” Sam says, and God he hates how he chokes on the words, hates how his grief is still so apparent even when he’s trying to mask it. “I’ve already lost too much. Haven’t we both?”

There’s a despairing sigh from Castiel. “Sam, you’re not losing me. Even if you don’t see me doesn’t mean that you will ever stop being my friend. That doesn’t just stop because of your brother.”

“Exactly, so…”

“But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to subject myself to more of his animosity,” Cas says resolutely. “Listen to me. I care about you, about both of you, a great deal. And I can still do that without having to be there. You and Dean have each other. You’ll be just fine without me. You’ve done it before.”

I can’t do this alone.

Yes, you can.

Well, I don’t want to.

A different time, a different conversation. But Sam holds onto it, because it’s what he’s clinging to most right now.

There had been a time that he and Dean had been entirely on their own. But that was more than a decade ago and they were different people then. They were just two young men - kids, really - looking for their dad and trying to kill their mother’s murderer.

“And what if I don’t want to, Cas?” Sam demands. “I’m tired of having every fucking thing decided for me. Who I talk to. Who my friends are. Who I can let live and who I have to kill myself. My entire life, my fate has been decided for me. Why can’t I decide for a change?”

He pauses, huffing. “Look, Cas. It’s your call, okay? I want you here. I really do. But the question is, what do you want? If you really don’t want to come back, then I’ll just have to accept that.”

Cas hesitates, mulling it over. “I’ll come back,” He promises. “Just not now. Not yet. I need time.”

“Okay,” Sam nods. He can hear the disappointment in his own voice, and remedies that. “Take all the time you need. You need to do what’s best for you.”

“Sam, I know I left in a hurry, and I should’ve talked to you before I did. I want to assure you that this has nothing to do with you,” The angel says softly. “I’m not angry with you. I was shocked that you would go along with locking up Jack, but I understand that when it comes to you and Dean, sometimes there’s an imbalance. You’re a mediator. That’s a primary part of who you are. You try to resolve problems. You felt that you’d messed up making choices when it comes to Jack, so you let Dean be the driver.”

Sam doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know what he can say. Cas is more perceptive in ways than Sam can really appreciate sometimes, and he’s right. He vocalizes what Sam has not said even to himself.

“It was wrong that you did what you did. But I forgive you, Sam. I’m not harboring any negative thoughts towards you. We’re still friends, whether Dean is involved or not. You’re free to call me, or text me, whenever you wish. I’ll answer.”

Sam closes his eyes, fighting another wave of emotion. “Yeah, me too. You be safe out there, all right? Take care of yourself? And call me if you need anything?”

“Of course.”

“See you later, Cas.”

“Take care, Sam.”

Sam hangs up and feels his heart shatter just a little more.

#spn #supernatural #sastiel #spn spoilers #15.03 #ep: the rupture

126 notes · View notes

willykappymarnsmatts · 5 years ago

Text

Wrong Direction: Chapter 3 (K. Kapanen)

@moriellymakesmesoft

My phone rings with a FaceTime call from Kasperi a few hours after we texted. My heart stops and I feel like my chest is about to explode. I let it ring out twice before swiping right on the screen to answer the call. When it connects, I see Kasperi wearing a light pink hoodie with the hood pulled up over his wavy brown hair. He looks so cozy, so comfortable. He smiles gently at the screen when I answer, taking me in the same way I am him.

“Hey,” he says so gently it's almost a whisper.

“Hey,” I say back. I turn on my side, laying under the covers on my bed. I continue to just watch him, my heart swelling. My feelings are so conflicting, but one thing I know for sure is that I'm still just as much in love with Kas as I was the day I met him, and that might never change. He was the first person I ever fell in love with.

“Look, Y/N, I feel so bad for what I did. Like, fuck, I don’t even know how to say what I’m trying to, uhh…” he looks away from the screen as he talks and tries to come up with words to explain himself.

I giggle slightly. He looks back at the screen, his brown eyes sparkling. “I missed that laugh.”

I smile gently back at him, my temples throbbing. “I'm still mad at you, Kasperi.”

He pouts. “I know. I know you are. I hate myself for ever causing you this much pain, believe me. I wanna fix this. I want to be the one to love you.”

“It's really not that easy. What you did is unforgivable. Do you really think I'll run back to you just like that? I have some self-worth, Kas, and I know I didn't deserve that. That night, I wanted to make you a nice dinner because I felt bad for leaving you at home while I was working, despite the fact that there was nothing for me to feel bad about because I was out working. I wasn't the one cheating.”

“I know. I know, I’m so fucking stupid. I really fucked up, I know. I don’t deserve a second chance. I don’t even deserve you talking to me at all right now. I deserve jack shit, I know that. But I don’t want to lose you. Is there any way I can fix this? I’ll do anything to get you back, Y/N.”

I look away from the screen and take a breath. When I look back, he's staring at me with the same doe-eyed expression as when he first asked me out. “I don’t know.”

He looks like he might cry, and in the back of my mind I feel bad for being so harsh, but I quickly push that thought away, reminding myself how grave his mistake really was. I went to sleep crying for months. I gave him my all for what felt like forever and he threw it all away in one action. Everything felt like it was built on lies upon lies upon lies. He runs his hand down his face and pushes his hair back under his hood. “What do I do to fix this?”

I'm silent for a moment, wondering if there is even a way to fix this. “Why did you do it?” I wince as soon as the words leave my mouth, unsure of whether or not I really want to hear his answer. “I, uhm, I never gave you a chance to explain yourself.” After I saw him in bed with that girl, I left without saying another word to Kasperi. And even though that's justifiable, I still feel a little guilty.

“I thought you didn't love me anymore. You were always out doing album promotions, and it felt like there was so much distance between us. I felt like you were pushing me away, and I didn’t want to believe that, I didn't want to think about it. I needed a distraction, and that sounds so fucking stupid, I know. I regretted it as soon as she walked into the apartment.

“Y/N I need you. I need you to understand how badly I need you. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't function without you. I know I don't deserve a second chance, but if you just trust me I know I can fix this. Let me fix us, please.”

I'm silent, thinking and trying not to think. “Kasperi that's the whole point, I can’t trust you, no matter how badly I want to. Please believe how badly I want to trust you like I did. But I'm coming back to Toronto next month. William’s letting me move back in with him.”

Kasperi’s eyes brighten at the news. “Then let me take you out. Let me, Y/N. Please. I miss you so fucking much, oh my God.”

I smile slightly at him, and it grows wider when I see his eyes brighten at the sight of it. If there were such things as soulmates, one person made specifically for another, I think that Kasperi would be mine. There's a lot of hurt in my chest when I look at him or think about him, but there's also an overpowering amount of love. “That would be nice.” He smiles so wide, the first smile he’s given me in what feels like forever.

“I'm going to fix this. I'm going to win you back. You're gonna be my girl again, baby, trust me. Oh, just you wait and see.” I can't help but smile back at him. There's a large amount of trust that he has to win back, but just hearing his voice makes me feel safe and warm and happy.

“Let’s see, Kasu.”

He just smiles back at me. “So, uhm, how are things in Montreal? How’s Domi?”

“Well, he's very much not on your side in this whole thing,” I laugh, to which he smiles and shakes his head.

“He was never on my side, it's not like I lost a fan or anything.”

I laugh, and the nerves in my stomach about calling him, about opening back up a wound that was just starting to heal, are gone. I still have my guard up, but he's my safety. He's my normal, my happiness.

My everything.

So I have to give him a chance to fix this. I have to give us a chance to fix us. Because he's my world, and it would be a mistake to throw everything in the garbage without ever trying to fix it. We continue to talk for a few more hours until I glance at the time and see it's close to three in the morning.

“Do you have practice tomorrow?”

“Yeah, at six. Why?”

“Because six is in less than three hours.”

“Are you joking?” He jumps slightly and his eyes widen as he searches frantically for the time to see if I'm telling the truth. I laugh at him and he calms down, smiling at me. “You're so beautiful.”

“Stop it,” I smile. “I know what you're trying to do and it's not gonna work, Kapanen.”

“I don't know what you’re talking about. I'm simply telling the truth.”

“You have to go to bed.”

He pouts at me. “I don't.”

“You do. I know you haven't been sleeping, you have to sleep tonight. In your own bed.”

He frowns, but nods. “I don't wanna hang up. I never want to stop talking to you ever again.”

“Yeah, well, your phone’s gonna die, and if you wanna talk after practice you should charge it.”

“You'll talk to me after practice tomorrow?” He sounds like a little boy who just got told he'd get ice cream after practice.

“Well, that's usually when I call William, but if you call me first…”

“Oh, I will, don't even worry.”

We stare at each other in silence.

“Good night, Y/N.”

“Good night, Kasu.”

“Can you hang up? Because-”

I cut him off by pressing the end call button and smile. Not even two seconds later a text dings.

‘HEY!!!!’

‘Go to bed.’

‘fine. but only bcuz ik i get a chance to win u back’

‘Mhm. Gn Kasu.’

‘gn <3’

I smile at the phone screen and put it on the table next to my bed. I should probably get up and take a quick shower before falling asleep, but I decide to just shower in the morning. I don't want to break the feeling Kasperi gave me. I smile as I shut my eyes, thinking that he really might love me as much as I thought he did before everything spiralled out of control.

I go to sleep with a smile on my face instead of tears in my eyes for the first time in months. Maybe I'm a fool, but that's what love does to you. I'm willing to give Kasperi another chance, because he really might be my forever person. I missed him more than words can describe, and I can't wait to see him again, to feel his embrace. I will always love him, no matter what, and despite the amount of hurt he made me feel, I know that we can make it past this.

He means so much to me, and I want to try to make it work, at least once more. I don't want to give up hope of a future with him, a future of late night calls when he's on the road, him coming to my shows, and little kids running around the house. I don't want to give up hope of a life with Kasperi, and I know that we can fix things between us. He loves me, and I love him, and with that we can get through anything together.

‘R u awake?’

‘im going 2 sleep rn but ya’

‘We’re gonna be ok. It'll take time, but I think we're gonna be ok, w each other’

‘trust me, Y/N, i will never ever hurt u again. i love you sm’

‘I love u forever, no matter what’

‘<3’

#kasperi kapanen #kasperi kapanen fic #toronto maple leafs #hockey #willykappymarnsmatts #nhl #hockey fic #nhl hockey fic #nhl hockey #kasperi kapanen/reader #kasperi kapanen imagine #toronto maple leafs fic #toronto maple leafs imagine

17 notes · View notes

seokstyle · 5 years ago

Text

critical condition (m) - 1

pair: hoseok x reader, light jungkook x reader (series) themes: med student!reader, nurse!hoseok, lots of medically-related flirting genre: smut, some fluff, future angst warnings: dom/sub undertones, dirty talk, thigh riding, orgasm denial

you knew that your first rotation as a medical student was going to have its challenges. you did not anticipate one of those challenges to be dealing with a handsome ER nurse who won’t give you a break.

word count: 5.3k

part 2 | masterlist

“Joon, I genuinely don’t know if I’ll make it.”

“Ah, don’t be so negative,” he reassures you. “It takes a learning curve but it’s only been one week.”

“I’ve messed up so much though! They’ll just stand me in the corner and shame me until I melt into a puddle.”

“It takes time to adjust,” he protests.

You fix him with an annoyed look. “Did you know someone came in and they tried to give it to me as an easy first case? One that’s dumbass-proof, right?” He nods, a little weary of what you’ll say next. “It was an ear infection. Did you know what I forgot to do, Namjoon?” You lean in across the cafeteria table towards him for dramatic effect. “I forgot to look at his fucking ear.” You lean back in your chair and groan into your hands.

Your friend winces, but does not let up on his optimism. “We’ve only just started, Y/N. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“Why do you always try to be so reasonable,” you grumble as you spoon the last of the mashed potatoes into your mouth. “It makes it harder to throw myself a pity party.”

Namjoon chuckles in response. “I’m saying it as much to myself as I am to you. Peds has not been easy,” he added with a sigh. “So many crying children, so many angry parents, so many impatient doctors…” He trails off, and you both sit there in silence thinking about the hellscapes you both have to return back to in a few minutes.

This was the first rotation for both of you as medical students, and though you had heard that most residency programs were more lenient on the first couple since you were still getting the hang of the clinical setting, you didn’t want to completely blow your chances at a good recommendation from your supervisors. Though your reputation during this past week was not doing you any good.

You and Namjoon had become fast friends in the whirlwind that was your first two years of medical school. He had saved your ass in anatomy lab, and you had come to his rescue in biochemistry. But despite your successes in the classroom, neither of you had anticipated how abrupt the transition would be from looking at textbooks and lectures to talking to real patients and actually diagnosing diseases yourself.

Add getting thrown into the ER for your first ever clinical experience, as was your luck. With the fast pace, the trauma emergencies you had to assist in on, just everything… you were in over your head. Just thinking about all of the questions you were going to have to ask (and would inevitably forget to ask) when you went back upstairs already was making your head spin. At least you could hold onto small fragments of your sanity when you grabbed food breaks, though you both had to return to reality soon.

Namjoon sighs as he pushes his chair back from the table, picking up his tray and giving you a small smile. “Best of luck.”

“You too, pal.”

The night started off better than your previous shifts this week have been. You had been more attentive when it comes to asking patients what brings them in today, remembered key aspects of physical exams when it applied, and you actually felt a little competent. But then you had left for your dinner break, and by the time you made it back to the ER all hell had broken loose.

The other local hospitals were at capacity which meant that all ambulances were going to come to you instead. On top of that, a new rush of admissions had come in, and now the ER was overflowing with people who needed quick medical attention. Soon there were a million things going on and before you knew it, it was past midnight and you were barely staying afloat. You were quickly sent out by the attending to grab a laceration tray, and all of your usual spots to check for supplies were empty. You close your eyes and take a deep breath, using all of your 3 brain cells to think. If I was a laceration tray, where would I be hiding?

“Looking for this?” you heard someone say in a playful tone. You opened your eyes. An outstretched hand had appeared in front of you holding the coveted tray, and you turned to see a handsome nurse you had gotten to know well.

“Oh my God, Hobi,” you sigh in relief. “How did you know?”

He smirked, and you wanted to roll your eyes at him. “I overheard the resident while I passed outside of the room, so I went ahead and grabbed one for you.”

You smile. “Thank you, seriously. This shift is getting insane, I thought I was going to have a heart attack.”

He gasped dramatically in response. “Well we wouldn’t want that! Though,” he added as he leans in closer to you, “I guess it’s a good thing I’m CPR-certified,” he responds with a wink.

You actually do roll your eyes this time. “You and everyone else in this hospital.”

The first shift in the emergency department may have well been the worst day of your life. Patients had gotten upset with you for forgetting to fulfill requests they had made, you had gotten lost three times in the maze of hallways, and you kept fumbling with every question asked of you. You were under the resident Dr. Kim for that shift, and would continue to be on his charge for the rest of the week. You were petrified because he was chief resident, but he urged you to drop formalities and just call him Seokjin. He was incredibly kind and understanding when you made mistakes (which was often).

Near the end of the shift, Seokjin had asked you to grab a suture kit so he could close up someone’s finger that had gotten sliced. You had agreed enthusiastically, eager to redeem yourself, but realized the second you stepped out of the room you had no clue where the sutures were kept.

Great.

You didn’t know what to do but you were NOT going back into there to ask and make a fool of yourself for the 20th time today. As nice as the resident was being to you, you didn’t want to test his patience either. You wanted to lock yourself into one of the closets and hide until they found you and kicked you out of medical school, because it felt inevitable at this point.

Right as you were contemplating ways to escape the hospital, you felt someone tap on your shoulder.

“Are you looking for something?”

Maybe your prayers had been answered, because when you turned around to see who was speaking you swear you saw an angel sent from the heavens for you. His smile was dazzling, with adorable dimples peeking out from the corners of his mouth, and his chestnut hair looked divinely soft as it swooped down onto his forehead. He brushed it out of his eyes, and you noticed that his arms looked strong and toned, and it only made you wonder what other muscles he must be hiding under his scrubs.

He looked like a sun-kissed god who had somehow gotten lost in the ER hallways. And from the way he was smirking at you, he could definitely tell you had been checking him out. Shit.

“D-do you know where the sutures are kept?”, you managed to squeak out. He grinned. It would be your luck that he procured exactly what you needed from his pants pocket at that moment. You weren’t going to die, after all.

“I always keep a few packs on me, it’s come in handy before. Do you need nylon or monofilament? Probably monofilament.” He muses to himself as he rummages through his pockets some more. He looks up at you and asks, “Do you know what size you need either, 4-0 or 3-0?” You shake your head. “That’s okay! I’ll just give you one of each just in case.” He takes your hand, placing the suture packets into your palm and sending you a dazzling smile.

You were so relieved you could cry. “Oh my God, I love you, thank you so much,” you blurted without thinking, immediately cringing at your words.

“Wow sweetheart, at least take me out to dinner before you confess like that.” You felt your cheeks burn from his words, and he must have noticed your embarrassment because his tone was more gentle when he spoke next. “First day?”

God, it must be that obvious that you’re a deer in the headlights right now. You nod, putting the sutures into your white coat pocket.

He looked down at your badge, reading your name and credentials. God, your name sounded so much nicer coming from his lips. “Medical student?” You nod again.

“I remember my first day, it was rough. It does get better though, I promise.” You nod dumbly once more, not fully believing him. He offers you a small smile. “Listen,” he says as he comes to stand behind you, lightly grabbing your shoulders and maneuvering you towards wherever he wants you to look. You could feel the heat of his touch through your thin hospital-issued scrubs and coat, and it sent your pulse running.

He pointed a little way down from you in the hallway. “Do you see that door? That’s the supply closet, it will have almost anything you ever will need, on a shelf with a label. If it’s not there, try asking the ER secretary,” he steers you a little more to the right, pointing to the center of the area to where the nurses’ desks are located. “They know if no one else does. And if they can’t help you, you can always come find me.” He turns you around so that you are facing each other now, removing his hands from your shoulders, and you almost miss the feel of his touch on you. He points to himself. “My name’s Hoseok, see?” He points to his badge. Hoseok Jung, RN.

“You’re a lifesaver,” you sighed in relief. He laughed, and you could almost swoon at how pretty he looked when his eyes crinkled up like that. “I guess that is my job, technically. But for someone as cute as you? Anytime,” he replied with a wink. And with that he turned around, leaving you with cheeks red again from the compliment he had added without a second thought.

“Are you saying you wouldn’t want me to give you mouth-to-mouth?” He pouted, his dimples poking out from the corners of his mouth, but you saw the twinkle in his eyes. Cheeky bastard.

You laugh at him instead of entertaining his comment, taking the tray from his hands and preparing for your mad dash back to the patient room before the resident came looking for you. “Thank you, Hoseok!”

“That wasn’t a no!” he called after you. You shook your head, smiling to yourself. He had come to your rescue again and again over the past few days, almost as if he knew exactly when you needed his help. Maybe you were growing immune to his charms (or maybe you were becoming emboldened by them), but you were less intimidated and a little more flirtatious with each new interaction with him lately.

You make it back to the patient’s room, and Seokjin even lets you assist with suturing and repairing the wound, under his supervision. The attending had come in shortly after and praised your handiwork as well. You were over the moon!

But your joy at helping in a procedure for the first time was short-lived. In the next three rooms you entered, the family and patient decided you were the best person on staff to yell at about their outrageous waiting times in the ER. The patient after that did not verbally abuse you, and you made what you thought was a stellar interrogation and clinical analysis, but as you presented to the attending he sent you back for 15 more questions you hadn’t thought to ask. You just wanted to go home to pass out or cry, you would be fine with either at this point.

As you go to enter the room of the last patient you are assigned for the shift, you see Hoseok wheeling his mobile scribing computer out as he finished taking the preliminary exam. “Hey,” you place a hand on his upper arm to catch him from leaving too soon. “Can you brief me real quick on what’s up? Seokjin was too swamped to give me many details.”

“Oh, yeah sure.” Hoseok pulls up the patient chart. “Kid came in with severe abdominal pain going on for a couple of hours now. He’s hypertensive at 160/90 but that’s likely due to pain, and he’s tachycardic at 110 bpm. All other vitals look okay,” he added as he scrolls through. “I did a super quick overall physical exam on him just to make sure he wasn’t going to code. Lungs sound clear, heart sounded okay, but I have to run to the trauma bay since they’re short-staffed tonight, so I wasn’t able to do anything too focused on exam,” he explains. “That should get you started off at least though.” He grins and starts walking backwards away from you, tugging his computer along with him. “See you later, angel!” You slide open the room’s door and send him a smile back. “Thanks, Hobi. Good luck!”

You go inside and confirm all of the findings that Hoseok mentioned to you with the patient. The pain is all over his abdomen he says, and he can’t tell you exactly where it’s coming from but it’s clear he’s in a lot of discomfort. You ask a few more pointed questions to try and narrow down your diagnosis, double-check that his lungs and heart sound normal, and tell the patient the doctor will be in shortly to discuss their plan of care.

You go back outside and find Seokjin and the attending to present your findings in the small conference room connected to the ER hallway. “25 year-old male presents with severe abdominal pain, dull in character with increased severity upon ingestion. Pain began within the past two hours but patient states that it has been getting increasingly worse, and has increased to an 8 out of 10. Reports having nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. Patient appears dehydrated which could be symptomatic of his condition or could be a result of his vomiting, and is tachycardic and hypertensive.”

Jin nods encouragingly, and the attending contemplates on what you have told him. “Good presentation, good initial history. Okay,” he continues, “what did you find on the physical exam?”

“His lungs appeared clear to auscultation and heart sounds were all normal, no murmurs noted. Patient did appear diaphoretic and feverish and had weakened grip strength and poorer motor skills than expected, but is capable of ambulation.”

The attending hums in response, looking over the patient’s chart. “Okay very good, no reason to suspect any cardiac or respiratory abnormalities. That’s important to ensure with all patients.” You beam, proud that you were at least ending the night on a high note and being praised for your work. “What else?”

You hesitate for a moment. “I believe that was everything, sir.”

“What about his abdomen?”

“Sir?”

He looks up at you from the computer. “What were your abdominal exam findings?” You can see Seokjin’s face pale slightly behind him, understanding what is happening.

You didn’t do it, you forgot. You didn’t examine the abdomen. Of a patient. With abdominal pain. You hear white noise ringing in your ears as panic sets in. “S-sir, I didn’t do a full abdomen exam.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “You didn’t do it?” You nod. “So then what were your differential diagnoses?”

You gulp. “I suspected appendicitis, diverticulitis, or colitis.”

“So what would be plan of care?”

You guess you had a chance to redeem yourself maybe now, if you were thorough with what you wanted to do with the patient. Maybe then the doctor would ease up on you some. “Initially manage pain and nausea with anti-emetic and pain relief medications. All of my differentials would be confirmed either by CT scan, most likely, so that would assist the patient in feeling better while imaging returns from radiology.” Hopefully, that was enough.

“I see,” the attending muses, looking back at the charts for a moment. You brace yourself for what he would say next. “So, you had made some ideas of what the patient could have going on, all abdominal-related, but,” he turns back towards you. “You didn’t even think to touch the patient first?”

Fuck. It had backfired. You wanted to melt into the ground. Seokjin offers you a sympathetic look from behind the attending as he grills you further while you shrink into your seat. You were getting your ass handed to you and you deserved it. You had to say something at this point; you would be damned if you had to keep working with this doctor who made the assumption that you were an enormous dumbass because of ONE mistake you made. You had to recover, and quick.

So you go with the first idea that comes to mind.

“Sir, I am regretful for not performing the physical exam myself, that was wrong of me to do,” you apologize. “I had spoken with the nurse assigned to this patient prior to taking the history, and he had told me that he had already done a physical exam and the findings should be in the chart from his records, but I suppose he failed to do so.”

You knew what you were doing wasn’t fair, but Hoseok was in the trauma bay and would never know. And you had to do something to save face or any chance you had at matching into emergency medicine were going to be gone at this rate. “I had higher expectations from him but it was my mistake for entrusting him to do that correctly.”

The attending is quiet as you make this excuse as believable and apologetic as possible, then scrolls through the chart. “It says Hoseok Jung was the nurse assigned to his care.” You bristle at hearing his name. “He’s usually incredibly thorough with his job,” the attending mentions in surprise. “I guess this time he didn’t record the findings as he normally would.” He turns to you now, and you pray for salvation from his wrath. “Next time, don’t rely on anyone else on staff. Make sure you do the exam yourself, and trust your own knowledge and intuition most. Others can be wrong, too.” He sighs, and you let out your own sigh of relief. “Okay, I’m going to go grab a coffee and I’ll take care of the patient from here.” He gets up and heads out the conference room door, but turns around to add one last comment before he goes. “Good work, Y/N.”

You thank every power in this universe for sparing you this once. Your recommendation letter was still safe, for now.

“Hey,” you hear the other person left in the room call out to you. You look over at Seokjin and feel a pang of guilt from the expression he has.

“I know what you were trying to do there.” He sounds disappointed, and you feel like a little kid, caught doing something they shouldn’t. You avert your eyes, opting to look down at your shoes instead of look at him directly. His tone softens some. “It’s been a rough week for you to start on, and it’s hard to get the hang of talking to patients and all. I don’t blame you for it, but it’s best to just own up to a mistake instead of bringing someone else into it.” He gets up from his seat to leave, and pauses as he walks by you to put a hand on your shoulder. You look up at him again.; his eyes are empathetic and understanding. “You must be exhausted. Go home and get some sleep, okay?” You nod, and he turns to leave out of the door.

God. You felt like such a colossal bitch. You close your eyes and rub your temples. At least the shift from hell was finally over, and you survived. You still had a chance to properly earn the respect of this attending, and you could finally enjoy your first day off tomorrow. You get up and head out of the conference room as well, closing the door behind you.

“Hey there,” you hear someone say to your left, and you jump. You look over and see Hoseok with his scribing computer, staring intently at the screen.

Your blood runs cold for a moment, and you look at him nervously. “Hey,” you answer quietly. “How was the trauma?”

He doesn’t move to look over at you as he responds. “Oh, they had it under control so they sent me back to this hall,” he says offhandedly as he resumes his typing.

“Oh.” You nod slowly, looking at the floor for a second, thinking to yourself in a panic. Fuck, what if he was right outside the room the whole time? Could he have heard you throw him under the bus like that? You look back over at him, very tentatively. He doesn’t seem as animated and charismatic as he usually is with you, his jaw clenched tight like he’s frustrated with something.

But maybe he’s just tired after a long shift, or had a bad patient? Right?

“Okay well, I’m done for the night so I’m going to finish up my charting,” you offer eagerly. He doesn’t move to even look at you, and the guilt comes creeping into your bones again. You turn and walk back towards one of the computer desks, swiping your badge to log in. You start typing notes up, but your thinking gets more and more muddled with every line you write.

There would probably have been so many other chances to recover from that one slip-up. Why did you act like it was the end of the world? Was it worth it just for the off-chance that you might get a good recommendation? You haven’t even liked this rotation so far. You sit in your chair, staring blankly at someone’s lab report from 4 hours ago mulling over whether or not you completely ruined your friendship with Hoseok.

Lost in your thoughts, you don’t hear when the mobile computer rolls up behind you, and someone says your name quietly.

You jump, and you feel your ears turning pink as you recognize the voice, lacking its usual light-hearted tone. You turn to look at him, and his face was completely devoid of any emotion. You feel a chill go down your spine. “Can you help me get something from the supply room?”

God, he did. He must have heard you. You nod, not trusting yourself to say anything out loud, and get up to follow him meekly down the hall and into the supply closet, the same one he had pointed out to you on your first day. Ironic, somehow. Hoseok opens the door, motioning for you to walk in first, and you oblige.

He walks in after you, flipping on the lights and shutting the door behind him, locking it quickly. You barely have enough time to turn around to face him before you felt him move. He pushed you backwards, your back meeting the wall behind you with a soft thud. His forearms rested on either side of your head, propping himself up and caging you in. You look at him in surprise and can’t help yourself from letting out a small gasp. His jaw was still set but his eyes had turned overwhelmingly dark, swimming with anger.

You had expected Hoseok to yell at you, call you a bitch, threaten to tell the attending. Best case scenario, he actually needed your help getting something and you would be fine and he heard nothing. What you did not expect was this.

“So,” he starts, a lazy drawl to his voice, “I heard someone thinks she’s been around the block enough times to put a nurse in his place.”

Your cheeks burn at his words. “That’s not what I was-”

He cuts you off. “What did you say again?” He pulls back for a moment, pretending to be lost in thought. “You had ‘higher expectations’ of me?” He chuckles. “I’m sorry to be such a disappointment, princess.” The pet name sent shivers down your back.

God, you had really fucked up. “No, wait,” you push your hands up against his chest to try and get some space for a moment so you could explain yourself. You tried not to think about how firm he felt under your fingertips, and how your pulse was quickening from being in such close proximity to him. “I didn’t mean to-”

Hoseok moves so fast you don’t even fully process it, grabbing your wrists away from your feeble attempts to make room between you two and pinning them above your head. It takes everything in you to not gasp out loud, the action going straight to your core. What the fuck was happening right now?

“Shh,” he whispers condescendingly against your ear, your heart fluttering from his close proximity. “I think you’ve said plenty today, wouldn’t you agree? I think it’s my turn to talk, hmm?” He pulls back to look at you, a wolf-life expression engulfing his features. You swallow and nod dumbly. “Good girl,” he smirks, and you hold in the urge to moan out.

“Did you forget that I have been at this ER for three years?” He crowds your body against the wall, his chest flush against yours. “That I have more experience than you?” You felt breathless like you had been running for miles. You were losing your mind.

“That just because you’re a medical student,” he grabs your white coat and pulls you closer to him, making you shudder, “doesn’t mean you get to push me around like that?”

Your head was swimming and you had lost all coherent thoughts, but you were still desperate to clear the air between you. “If you just would let me explain-” Your words are cut off as Hoseok pulls back and places his hand across your mouth, muffling anything you have to say. Your eyes widen in anger and in arousal, and he smirks again.

“Didn’t I say no talking?” You try to protest, muffling words against his palm, and he lets out a sound of disapproval. “Are you going to be a good girl and listen?”

You actually moan out against his hand this time. Something about being at his complete mercy like this was unraveling you in ways you had never felt before, and he was clearly catching on. Hoseok grins, eyes swimming with lust, and leans in to whisper against your ear once more. “Oh? Does someone like being put in her place?” You moan out again, a muffled quiet admission. He uses his free hand to dip behind your white coat and pull you closer to him by the waist, until you lay flush against him.

“Sweetheart, I think you should remember,” He had pulled you so close against him that you could feel his growing arousal against your lower stomach. Your eyes roll back, and he chuckles. “If you didn’t have me, you still would be fumbling around the hallways, in a daze.” You could barely process his admonishing words at this point. You cant your hips towards his, desperate for any stimulation, and he groans deeply against the shell of your ear. You felt so fucked out, and he hadn’t even touched you.

Hoseok finally acquiesces, using his thigh to part your legs open, and you let out another muffled moan as he ground his leg up against you, offering you some relief. “Look at you, so desperate for me,” he traces the shell of your ear with his tongue, “grinding against me like a dirty whore.” You didn’t even realize it, but you were right; he had stopped moving and you were still chasing your pleasure, riding his muscular thigh without realizing it. “I can feel how soaked you are through both of our scrubs. So wet, just for me?” His words should have embarrassed you, but you were so far gone you didn’t care. It only turned you on more.

He pulls back from you suddenly, much to your displeasure, and you whine out in protest. “Oh I’m sorry angel,” he comments unapologetically, drawing his gaze up and down your body, “but only girls who behave themselves get what they want.” He had the cockiest look you had ever seen on his face, and you could feel tears pricking the corners of your eyes from frustration.

You could choke Hoseok right now, but you were too desperate for him to continue. You needed to reach your end. So you grabbed the hem of his scrub top. “I won’t do it again, I’ll be a good girl,” you begged, not even fully hearing yourself as you tried to pull him back and finish what he started. “I promise, please!”

The tears in your eyes, your flushed cheeks, the desperation in your voice. It was unraveling him too, though he didn’t want to admit it. He closed his eyes, throwing his head back with a groan. “I don’t think you’ve quite learned your lesson yet,” he tuts as he looks down at you again, his eyes hooded and you moan again, almost in relief. “I think you need me to remind you where you belong.”

At that exact moment, someone turns the key in the locked door, and Hoseok springs back away from you towards some of the shelving on the opposite side of the closet. Your thoughts are still flustered, not processing anything, and you stay pinned against the wall as though his hands are still on you, holding you there. The door opens to reveal none other than, as your luck would have it, Seokjin.

“Oh, Hoseok,” he starts, then notices your presence in the closet as well. His cheeks flush, and you are mortified. You must look like the definition of a hot mess. “Oh...Y/N… I thought your shift ended already?”

“Oh hey! It sure did!” You respond, sounding way too chirpy, pulling yourself up from the wall and towards Seokjin. You see out of the corner of your eye that Hoseok suppressing a laugh. How the fuck does he look completely unaffected and flawless, and you’re still trying to catch your breath? “I was just… making sure that we had enough supplies for next shift! There weren’t any laceration trays here earlier.”

He eyes the two of you wearily. “Okay… I guess so.”

Hoseok shrugs, back to his cheery self leaving his dark, dominating persona behind, as though he had flipped a switch. “Hey, Jin!” He exclaims as he walks over to the resident. “Y/N was just telling me about her amazing case with the kid with appendicitis! It’s a shame I forgot to write down the abdomen exam findings though.” Seokjin looked over at you in confusion. “She said she would teach me a thing or two about being a good clinician whenever she got a chance,” Hoseok adds while giving you a look laced with hidden meanings. You wanted to kill him.

Hoseok clapped Jin on the back. “I’ll see you later, man,” and he saunters out of the closet. Seokjin looks at you for a moment, looks out the door at Hoseok, decides not to press any further questions, and turns around and out the door. Leaving you alone, still incredibly affected, confused, and pissed.

a/n: this is my very first fic in a loooooooooooong time!! i got hit with some inspiration recently and wanted to try my hand at writing again, and i really like how it turned out considering i’m kinda rusty hehe. i hope you enjoyed reading this, i’m planning on making it into a bit of a series with a few more parts. thank you so much for reading!!

#hoseok x reader #hoseok smut #hoseok fanfic #jung hoseok x reader #jung hoseok #bts x reader #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts #bts scenario #jhope fanfic #jhope x reader #jhope #jhope scenario #bangtan au #nurse hoseok #jung hoseok scenario #medical au

296 notes · View notes

losfacedevil · 5 years ago

Text

When You’re Ready - PT 1

a/n~ This is different for me, Usually I use characters from other places or singers as such. But this time I decided to go my own route completely. I hope this is something everyone enjoys!

“Fuck this noise.” Sebastian slammed the nursing book he was reading shut, reaching up to run his fingers through his unruly curls as he turned to his room mate. The other boy sat at his desk across the room, his textbook long forgotten as a strand of hair trailed into his mouth and his chin rested in his hand. “Fuckin really dude? I have my licensing exam and you have boards next week, are you really choosing now to nap? Yo, Mace!” Sebastians voice was loud enough to wake the dead though Mace didn’t budge, not even when a crumpled up paper ball hit him square in the forehead. “Mason! I swear to the highest heaven.” Sebastian chuckled, getting up and making his way over to his buddies desk, hand slamming down on the book in front of him.

“What is so important that you had to result to violence and disrupt my beauty sleep, Breezy?” Mason cooed, his voice soft and melodic. Another chuckle slipped past Sebastians lips as he flipped open the book laying on the desk and skimmed the page quickly. “Think fast what’s exocrine pancreatic insufficiency?” He asked, his eyes landing on a random medical term. Mace shrugged, his eyes fluttering open as he leaned his head back to look at the younger boy. “How the hell am I supposed to know that?” Sebastian wrapped his hand in Maces’ shoulder length hair, giving it a quick tug as he slammed the book shut. “You better hope they only ask you what chicken pox and appendicitis is if you plan to even so much as pass the tip of the boards iceberg. Ive heard they’re a thousand times harder than my RN licensing exam.” Mace chuckled, pushing the palms of his hands into his eyes causing static like bolts to shoot across his vision. “I still can’t believe you chose being a Peds nurse over general surgery.” Sebastian sighed, making his way back over to his desk and resuming the notes he was taking. “I want to spend the rest of my life on a Peds ward helping kids feel better and making them smile when all they want to do is cry. I’m sorry I’m not cut happy.” Mace shook his head, rising from his seat and stretching his back before heading towards the door. “Not what I meant, Breezy and you know it. Do you want anything to eat? I’m starving.” Sebastian shook his head, swatting his hand over his shoulder at his room mate. “I’m good.” Mace chuckled. “Tuna and provolone it is!” He called halfway out the door. “No thank you!” Sebastian rolled his eyes, wasn’t up for Maces’ games today. “You lie, I’ll grab your coffee too.” Mace called, letting the door click shut softly behind him.

Sebastian sighed, the words on the page scrambling and becoming a jumble of letters as his vision blurred. Shaking his head he closed the book, deciding that he would much rather go get his own coffee. Pushing back from his desk he quickly slipped his feet into his white vans, grabbed his keys out of his drawer and left the room making sure to lock up behind him. The younger boy spotted Mace not too far up the hallway, one of the pretty interns talking his ear off and showing him a faux chart. He nodded his head at all the right times but Sebastian was keen to his ways and knew he wasn’t listening to a word the girl was saying. Chuckling at the scene before him he took off at a slow jog, quickly coming up on the pair.

“Yo Mace, how longs it take to get ya boy a coffee?” He joked, driving his fist into the older boys shoulder. Mace reached up, resting his hand on the back of his neck as a blush crept across his cheeks. “Well ya see, I was on my way there but then Jayde stopped me.” Sebastian laughed, shaking his head at the embarrassment splayed on Mace’ face. “Did Jayde stop you or did you stop Jayde? Did you forget I can hear what you do in the bathroom at night?” Sebastian nodded, catching the slight widening of the girls eyes out of the corner of his own. Making his way past Mace he bumped his shoulder into the taller boys, a subtle nod thrown towards the cafeteria. “Don’t worry, shoot your shot, I gotchu, cream no sugar right?” Sebastian stuck his tongue out, turning on his heel and power walking to the cafeteria. Sebastian couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him as he scanned the pastry case, needing something sweet to top off his salty attitude. He knew it would only be a matter of a minute or so before Mace was breathing down his neck, the anger and embarrassment seething from him. He side stepped, swiping two glazed donuts from the case as he inched his way over to the coffee cart, giving the older boy ample time to scold him. A warm hand gripped Sebastians shoulder -gentle but firm- pulling his back up against the other persons front. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Sebastian chuckled, absolutely reveled in the fact that Maces voice was melodic even when aggravated. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Mace face.” Mace sighed, rolling his eyes as he pushed Sebastian towards the coffee cart. “Don’t you Mace face me, Breezy. You know damn well she ain’t got the right parts for me.” Sebastian couldn’t help the chuckle that slipped past his lips, letting his shoulders rise and fall in a shrug. “I’m still fully clueless. Donut?” Maces’ upper lip curled in disgust, couldn’t stand when Sebastian thought he was funny but couldn’t help to notice how handsome the younger boy looked when his smile was genuine. “No I don’t want your damn donut.” Mace huffed, earning himself a giggle from the girl running the coffee cart. “That’s not what you were saying last night.” Sebastian mumbled, sinking his teeth into one of the donuts he held. “Oh you think you got jokes?” Anger bubbled up behind Maces’ eyes, couldn’t believe Sebastians games. “I got all the jokes - like the one about Jayde investing in a strap on so you could get more action than what your right hand gives you.” Mace choked on his own saliva, reaching up and pushing Sebastians shoulder hard before turning on his heel. “Go fuck yourself dude.” He called over his shoulder, quickly grabbing a sandwich from one of the carts he passed and tossing some money the persons way. Sebastian chuckled, shaking his head. “Fuck you.” He yelled, throwing his hand in the air, middle finger raised. Mace spun quickly to face the younger boy, eyes rolling hard before spinning back in the direction he was headed. “Don’t you threaten me with a good time, Breezy.”

~~~~~~~~ Mace groaned as he shook the door knob to their room, quickly realizing his keys were on the opposite side of the door resting nicely on his desk. He leaned up against the wall next to the door, letting his back slide down it as he got himself comfortable on the floor. Sighing, he opened the sandwich he had bought, deciding that picking at it while he waited was his best bet. “I can’t believe that asshole really locked me out.” He mumbled, taking a bite of his sandwich as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. It wasn’t long before Mace heard that unmistakable chuckle as the sound footsteps reverberated off the walls. The older boy glanced up through his lashes, couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips as he saw the shit eating grin plastered across Sebastians face. “Well, well, well, what have we here?” Sebastian chuckled, eyeing the awkward fold of Maces’ legs. A frown pulled at the corners of Maces’ lips, his arms finding a home crossed over his chest. “Has anyone ever told you how much of an asshole you are?” Mace was always quick to throw an insult, though he knew it did nothing to the younger boys pride. “Y’know I love you, man, but you’re such an easy target.” Sebastian chuckled, holding out a coffee cup as a peace offering. Mace thought about it for a second before gently wrapping his hands around the warm cup as Sebastian dug in his pants pocket for his keys. “I figured Sir Naps a lot could use the caffeine more than I could.” He chuckled, quickly unlocking the door whilst Mace untangled his legs and stood. “Now what lesson did we learn today?” Sebastian chuckled, opting to lay across his room mates bed instead of his own. “That you’re an absolute asshole?” Mace quipped, setting his cup down as he toed his shoes off of his feet. “Actually the correct answer was don’t leave your keys behind, but I guess I’ll let you slide this time since you’re still pouting.” Sebastian called after Mace, chuckling as the bathroom door was slammed. “And lord knows how cute you are when you’re pouting.” Sebastian sighed, pushing himself to a seated position before pulling off his own shoes. “What was that?” Maces’ voice was mumbled behind the bathroom door. Sebastian shook his head, standing and making his way to his own bed. “I said, a nap doesn’t sound so bad.”

#when youre ready #my fic #faceclaim sebastian ross #faceclaim mason ‘mace’ howard #cameron boyce #booboo stewart

23 notes · View notes

broodyjc · 6 years ago

Text

Breath Of Life

(It was a heliotrope.

Eternal love

And Sam is all that comes to her mind.

Eternal love.

And she wishes Sam would’ve stayed long enough for Alex to be brave.

Eternal love.

And Alex spends the next minutes coughing up another fistful of petals.)

It happens two weeks after Sam leaves.

And all Alex can think is if Sam is doing better, if Ruby is adapting well to her new school, if things are getting closer to normal as time passes, if Sam spends as much times as she does thinking about her.

If Sam cares.

If Sam will come back.

Sam, Sam, Sam. It always goes back to her.

The deep tug at her lungs comes as a surprise, then, just as she brought the bottle of warm beer to her lips. A growing, incessant pain, rippling through her tissues and settling strongly against her bones. Her throat starts to tickle, and there’s nothing she can do to stop the coughing fit that takes over herself.

It’s nothing like she’s ever felt before, she clutches to her chest in despair, body doubling over on the couch and she falls to the ground on her knees in her poor attempt of getting up. She can’t. And she coughs until there’s no air left, then some more.

Alex feels her eyes burning with tears she prevents from falling and how sore her throat already feels, how weird it is to feel something getting back up, up and up until it’s out. The offending pieces stare back at her as her mouth hangs open.

The scene should be comical, it would be comical by anyone looking from the outside. Not for Alex. Because resting at her carpet, barely a foot away from her, a few light purple petals hastily bundled together, as if they were crumpled together in a fist and shoved down her throat to be found later.

Later had come.

If she shoves the petals at the bottom of her trash can and goes for the stronger drinks, it’s to convince herself the last ten minutes hadn’t happened. If she spends the rest of her night staring at the ceiling, hands clinging tightly to her thighs in order to keep them from shaking, it’s not because she’s nervous.

In the end, she is not. She is terrified.

What a way to start her week.

(When she goes to bed, she makes sure the trash is taken out with the other handful of light purple petals she coughed out.

She doesn’t need the reminder.)

If she gets home from the DEO the next day, takes out her laptop to the kitchen counter and doesn’t sleep until three am, she has a reason.

(It was a heliotrope.

Eternal love

And Sam is all that comes to her mind.

Eternal love.

And she wishes Sam would’ve stayed long enough for Alex to be brave.

Eternal love.

And Alex spends the next minutes coughing up another fistful of petals.)

Her research is extensive. And it’s such a cliche, that she would’ve fallen in love with the one who would never love her back, and the unrequited love would end up killing her. She laughs when she thinks about it. Alex Danvers, DEO’s most trusted agent, the one who’s being looked at to become a director once J’onn steps out, survivor of the Daxamite’s invasion, hero of the battle against Reign, savior of Supergirl most often than not, defeated by… petals.

Killed because she was in love with the wrong person.

Dead by suffocation because of vines growing inside her lungs.

How lucky of her.

It has a name, because of course it fucking has. Hanahaki disease, born from unrequited love, filling up her throat with flowers until she started coughing them up. Hanahaki disease, cured by the feeling of love being returned in the same way, romantic love. Hanahaki disease, three months until it’s deadly, maybe longer with total isolation, until she suffocates in flowers, if she chooses not to forget her.

Alex won’t, it was never an option. She will not forget Sam, she will not settle for looking at the woman who holds her heart and not being able to feel what she feels. She will never be so resigned to the point where she will go to such extent. To look at Sam, to think of Sam, and not feel her heart racing, the high her body gets just by hearing her voice. She will never do that to the woman she loves.

So, if she only has three months, she’s gonna make them worth.

It’s hard to “make them worth” when she spends most of her time locked away down the labs at DEO, trying to ignore Kara’s worried glances every time she so much scratches at her throat to keep the petals down.

No one has seen it. Not yet. If she has any say on it, no one will see, not until it’s finally too late. She’s not ready to explain how she can’t let go of those lazy moments they shared in the lab, she’s not ready to forget the grateful, warm smile she was always on the receiving end, she’s not ready to be striped away from every memory that made her fall in love with someone else at a time she didn’t thought she would be able to move on.

How could she tell anyone, how could she tell her sister, she valued memories over her own life?

She sighs, adjusts the way she’s sitting hunched over the microscope and takes a look out the glass windows. There’s barely movement out, the agents having gone home hours ago, to enjoy a nice, slow Friday out, Supergirl out there in her usual rounds, and Alex was alone.

How she wishes Sam was here, how she wishes Sam would call, hell, how she wishes Sam would text her back.

The tug in her chest grows heavier, the roots steadily growing and finding foundation, nutrition to grow as they kept shutting her systems down. She knows what’s coming, she knows she can’t stop it.

Falling forward, she braces her head in her arms, and coughs, until there’s no strength left in her core, her lungs burning in need to let go of more. There’s too much already, and she doesn’t have an idea how she’ll survive eleven more weeks of that.

She breathes heavily through her mouth, a sharp intake of air to be let out as a shaky sob, it’s the only moment she realizes she’s been crying. So she presses the heels of her hands to her eyes, expects to will back the tears from falling down and it only makes it worse.

In the table, five petals stare defiantly at her.

J’onn steps out and she’s made the new director.

All her energy had already been used to spit petals, so, when Kara announces that they should celebrate, just the two of them, she lets herself be dragged away, lets Kara’s excitement pull out small smiles from the corner of her lips, adverts her eyes every other time she has to get up and lock herself in the bathroom with the faucet turned on.

Kara is worried, that much is clear, and she knows if things were the other way around, she would be as well. But she can’t tell Kara, doesn’t want to tell Kara, because she’s not ready for the pity and confusion. She’s not ready to say goodbye.

There’s a knock on the door, and she hurries to crash the petals, flush them down, not leaving a sign of what’s happening, not daring to let Kara think something is wrong.

“Is everything okay?” Kara’s voice is low, hesitant, afraid to know the truth that Alex has been keeping secrets from her, has been doing something they had promised they never would. That something is very, very wrong and she can only watch from the outside.

I’m dying, she wants to say and fall into her sister’s arms, let herself be cradled and taken care of for once in her life, to share the burden thrown into her shoulders with someone stronger than herself.

There are flowers growing in my lungs and I’ll stop breathing if she doesn’t love me back, but it feels too much like throwing the blame at others, and Sam should never feel guilty of something that happened. It’s not Sam’s fault, Alex was just born when luck ceased to exist.

“I’m fine.” Alex manages to choke out as tears prick at the corners of her eyes, realization sinking in.

I have ten weeks left, please don’t be mad at me for leaving you, and her throat is scratching again.

Eternal love, yeah, yeah, she gets it.

It gets worse as time passes.

Logically, Alex always knew it was going to happen, it was the rational progression of things: she gets the first symptoms, she learns to live with them, it gets worse, she learns to deal with worse. It’s logical. It’s simple. It’s easy.

Until it’s not. Because, as much as Alex told herself she was ready for it, nothing stops her from standing in the middle of her lab, way past one in the morning, staring at an intricate, though small, vine, possessing exactly three petals. And it shouldn’t be any different from all the times it had happened before, and there were many times before that, yet, it is.

Delicate thorns are starting to show, the pain on her throat dulling at the sight, because this time it had been different. This time, it had hurt more. And it makes sense, because she only has nine weeks.

The reality of her development, of her condition, seems to settle in, and she can’t help it. She locks the door of her lab, lets her body fall to the floor in a dampening thud, and stares blankly ahead.

She’s leaving Kara on her own, when she promised she would always be there no matter what; she’s leaving Winn, when he had finally become her annoying little brother she loved above anything else in the world; she’s leaving Eliza, when they’ve reached the point in their relationship where Alex is comfortable in being herself, she’s accepted for who she was; she’s leaving J’onn, when he struggles with the loss of his family everyday, and she’s making him lose another daughter.

She is leaving, and she won’t change her mind. All of that because she can’t phantom the idea of thinking of Sam, of looking at her name, of remembering her smile and not feel the calmness washing through her veins, the warmth spreading through her cells, the love blooming on her heart.

It’s a sad realization that she’s ready to hurt so many people because she wants to keep hurting. Because she doesn’t want to forget what feels like to love Sam. Because she is afraid that, if she forgets what this feels like, she’ll never be able to feel it again.

Alex is not as subtle as she thinks she is. And it only takes Lena twenty minutes to realize exactly what’s wrong. In all honesty, Alex should’ve expected, because it doesn’t take a genius to realize she’s not in her best shape, but there’s one sitting right in front of her ever since she arrived at Kara’s apartment, and it’s an unspoken agreement that Lena knows.

Part of her is relieved, to share the burden of the secret that’s been keeping her from closing her eyes at night with someone else, feeling flowers slowly growing inside of her. The other part, the bigger part, is absolutely terrified, because Lena won’t understand, because Lena will try to convince her otherwise, because Lena will have to share this with Kara.

Being terrified appears to be a feeling she’s been in touch a lot lately. Terrified of a fate she has a way of changing, but not enough willpower to do so.

Lena doesn’t say anything, though. She sits patiently sipping at the red they’d been sharing for the night, eyes lingering a little longer than usual at Alex’s figure every time she excuses herself for longer than five minutes, every time she clears her throat a little more forcefully, every time she swallows her wine with the smoothness of someone who never drank before.

And, at the end of the night, Lena excuses herself the moment Alex gets up to go home. If Kara hugs her a little tighter, a little longer, none of them mention it, and Alex cannot shake the feeling that they know something is wrong. They just don’t know how wrong it is.

The wait for the elevator is awkward, filled with a lingering silence that neither Lena nor Alex knows how to break, the ride is worse. Alex sees how Lena’s shoulders square, head held high and gaze set forward, a look Alex know all too well, to never show weakness, to show nothing fazes you. She knows things are about to change, because it will only take one question for her to break, to spill the words she’s been dying to say ever since it started.

And Lena, god, Lena was there to listen. Willingly. Showing the silent support she never thought someone other than Kara would be able to provide.

She is leaving Lena, the woman who loves her sister above anything else, who would risk her life to save those that, maybe, aren’t all that worth saving, who would laugh in the face of danger, than drown her sorrows in way too expensive wine. A woman after her own heart.

“How long?” Alex doesn’t look at her, choosing, instead, to let her gaze fix at her shoes, the black leather shinning with the elevator dim lights. “Until you...”

“Ten weeks, if I’m lucky. Doctor expects six or seven.”

“Are you going to tell them?” Alex manages a smile, it’s small, a little too fake, and they already know the answer. “Are you going to tell her?”

It’s where all the roads lead at the end. Telling her. Telling her and facing the look of pure pity on brown eyes, mouth hanging down in shock, guilt washing over her features as rejection spills out of her lips. Telling her, and hearing the words she has always prepared herself to listen to, but never got quite ready for it. Telling her and, and–

“I don’t want her to live with the guilty of knowing that I died because she couldn’t love me the way I needed.” The elevator finally stops at the lobby, Alex shoots her arm up to hold the doors open to let Lena out first, a self depreciating smile at her lips when she looks at warm, green eyes full of comprehension. “I can’t burden her any further.”

Lena nods like she understands, and maybe she does, because Lena is the woman who carries the weight of her family name on her shoulders and doesn’t let anyone help her. Because, at the end, Lena would be the one person who would understand, who wouldn’t question her, who would respect her decision even though she doesn’t agree with it.

Lena gets it and the burden is shared, either she likes it or not. She wishes she would’ve gone to Lena sooner.

Alex starts having trouble breathing during her missions at the DEO. She feels like she runs with someone pulling her back and, when she stops, there’s a fifty pound weight set on top of her chest.

She has trouble breathing, and she has to force the air down her lungs in ugly intakes of breath, a chocked, wheezy sound that leaves all of the younger, and some of the older, agents looking worriedly at her.

If she excuses herself to a dark, secured alley, and empties her stomach with the violence of her coughing, she hopes no one sees it. She thanks whatever deity is out there that Kara wasn’t with them in this mission. She breaks down, and cries for the second time since Sam left, with her back against a brick wall, with garbage discarded along her feet, and a smell she thinks she’ll never forget.

She cries, and every time she feels like it’s stopping, another memory of Sam comes rushing back.

What a nightmare of a kid you raised.

We’re gonna find out together, okay?

I think there’s another person out there for you.

When you wake up, please be Sam.

Please be Sam.

Sam.

She calls her mom instead. The words stumble out of her mouth before she can even process what’s happening, and, now that she started it, she can’t stop it. It feels good, letting all the words out, because, even if Lena knew, they never discussed it, Alex never said the words out loud. Not until now, at least.

“I’m dying, mom.” It hurts more than she thought it would, because it’s the cruel reality that her pain has a deadline, but the people she’ll leave behind will hurt forever. Because death hurt for those who live.

“I’m booking a flight for as soon as I can.”

“No, no, mom, please, don’t.” Alex rubs her eyes with the back of her hand, tries to compose herself, coughs two times and forces herself to believe they were purely to steady her voice. “I haven’t told Kara.”

“Alex, you have to.”

“I know, it’s just” and for a moment, all of her reasons seem too silly, too weak, not enough. “I’m scared. Of leaving her.”

“Honey, you”

“I have to go, mom, I’ll call you later, okay? I love you.”

Alex doesn’t give her a chance to answer. She hangs up, tosses her phone to the side not bothering with the force it lands with the screen against the concrete, and ignores the calls she gets, and the texts that follows. She doesn’t know her next step, for what feels like the first time in her life, she doesn’t have a plan. She hates the feeling.

Forcing herself to stand, she puts one foot in front of the other, picks up her phone and turns it off before pocketing it, returning to her position as if nothing has happened and ignores how everyone stares at the redness of her eyes. She just really wants a drink.

She misses having company to get drunk. So it’s no surprise she gets home that day, takes the most expensive bottle of whiskey she has ever bought from the back of the cabinet, and doesn’t think twice before leaving.

It’s a Friday night and the streets are busy, making her have to squirm her way through crowds to get to her destination. Alex hugs her jacket tighter against her body, the light breeze of middle fall making every breath painful, but she got used to it, the pain is familiar, is a reminder of the inevitable.

No one tries to stop her once she enters the building, there’s no one there to stop her if she’s being honest. The security guard barely even spares a glance in her direction before going back to the football game playing at the small TV on top of his desk. Jess is not there when the doors slide open, never for a second she thought Jess would be there.

It’s a Friday night, and it’s way past midnight, and the only person who would still be there would be Lena, and no one could convince her otherwise.

Alex is polite enough to knock on the door when she gets there, sees the bags under Lena’s eyes from where she stands leaning against the door frame, raises the bottle she held against her hip for dear life as she walked. Lena’s shoulders slump down, the tension leaving her for a split second, giving space for the smallest hints of a smile to take over her lips.

Maybe they both need a break, maybe Alex’s been craving this for longer than she thought, maybe Lena has to be looked after with a little more attention before she works herself to exhaustion.

They don’t make it to the couch. Lena’s blazer is spread on the floor as they sit on top of it with their backs against her white desk, hips pressed together as they lean against each other for support, glasses are never retrieved from cabinets, and they share long sips directly from the bottle.

The silence that stretches is good, it’s calming in a way it’s never been before, and Alex could never phantom the possibility of getting this far, this comfortable with the person she once thought she would never trust. The reality she lives in is: she would trust Lena with her life, hell, she would trust Lena with her sister’s life.

“I’ve been” Lena stops, takes a long sip of the whiskey in one go, barely seems fazed by the alcohol and Alex is even more impressed by this woman “I’ve been doing some research.”

“Lena-”

“Alex.” She lets her head drop in defeat, a sigh leaving her lips because there’s no way she’s winning this argument. “There’s this new procedure, it’s still experimental, that remove the bigger vines, it gives us some more time to think about what to do next.”

It gives us more time to change your mind, it gives us more time to make you realize dying for love is madness.

“And I already called in a favor, they are willing to take you to testing to see if you’re to be considered for the procedure, I-” Alex’s hand fall to her covered thigh, leaves a gentle squeeze there before meeting her eyes for the second time that night.

Lena is crying, has been crying for who knows how long, dark, prominent stains against her cheeks, her mascara tracing the path the tears made before.

“I don’t want it, I already made my choice.”

Simple like that.

“You can’t die.” Her voice breaks at the last word and it shatters Alex’s heart with it. “Wh- What about Kara, and Eliza, and, and… What about Supergirl?”

It’s the confirmation of what Alex always suspected, the recognition that Lena knew and always went out of her way to help because it was Kara and Kara is the most important thing. There no one else she would rather leave Kara with.

“She has you, and you have them. You’re gonna be alright.” The coughing fit that follows is the less violent in weeks, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t spit out a perfectly developed flower, almost an inch long, the biggest proof that her time is running out. Lena stares at it, with the awe of a scientist and the worry of someone losing a friend. “It’s a heliotrope, they mean eternal love, kind of cliche if you ask me. They don’t usually grow much more than this, more flowers just start coming in the vines, so I’m guessing I don’t have as long as I thought, but there’s no blood yet, so who knows.”

“You’re really okay with that.” Alex smiles, gives a single nod to Lena before placing the delicate, purple flower on top of her thigh, where they could both stare at it. I’m already living in borrowed time. “You really don’t want to get it removed.”

Not if it means I’ll forget her.

“Would you do it? Even if it meant forgetting every single moment you had with Kara?”

“No.”

The answer comes fast, in an unwavering voice of someone with enough confidence to show the love she feels, even with all the chance of getting hurt.

“Then you know why I can’t do it.”

Her ringtone blasts loudly with the clock rapidly approaching two in the morning. She was the furthest thing from sleeping, laying in the middle of her bed, arms behind her head as she stared at the white ceiling of her apartment. The open window being enough to provide just the right temperature that she pulled out an old, large shirt and gray sweatpants, before settling into bed.

She has been sleeping less this past months, and the last three days were the worst. She would turn to the side, to realize the position hurt her lungs, and would get up as fast as she could to try to reach the bathroom, to come back to bed, close her eyes and start the cycle all over again.

It’s a chain reaction; she needs silence to sleep, silence makes her think of Sam, thinking of Sam makes her throw up. The only reasonable course of action, of course, was to sleep as little as she could, it’s not like it would matter in the long run anyways. She only had four more weeks before her lungs would shut down, machines keeping her alive for who knows how long after that.

But, what makes her speed out of bed, vision blurring slightly for the lack of oxygen, is because the call came to her personal number. At two in the morning, it was never good news. Ruby’s name on her shattered screen only proves her right, and she already has her car keys in hand and she’s looking for her shoes when she answers.

“Did something happen? Is Sam okay? Are you okay?”

Is Reign back?

“Alex, things are fine.” She was seriously debating whether or not she could leave the house barefooted when Ruby finally said something, the words being enough o calm her down for now. Leaning her forehead against her front door, she lets out a shaky, uneven breath. “I just missed you.”

“You could’ve called earlier, like, literally, any other time.”

“Sorry.” She doesn’t sound like it at all.

“It’s okay, kid. I’m just getting old, my heart can’t take many of those anymore.” She drops her keys back on top of the counter, before sitting at the couch. “How have you been?”

It’s all it takes to make Ruby launch into every single detail she missed on the past two and a half months. She’s the best midfielder in her high school, has been trying to convince her mom to let her start traveling for the away games, she’s been learning how to cook with Sam taking one evening off a week to teach her, she’ll joint the track team next semester and go to soccer camp in the summer.

Ruby is being a teenager, a normal loved one, and Ale’s heart warms at the thought. It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t feel her throat closing, the air getting thicker and harder to reach her lungs, her stomach begging for her to just let go.

There’s a long pause on the call, long enough that Alex takes the phone away from her ear to make sure it wasn’t disconnected, before placing it back. She clears her throat, waits for Ruby to say whatever she needs saying. She doesn’t, and with an awkward laugh, Alex says “I should probably let you go to bed. You have school tomorrow.”

“Alex.” She hates that tone, because she knows it all too well. Its the same one she used to use, the tone of a kid who never knew how to ask for what she wanted. Alex hates it, because she knows she’ll not be able to say no. Because it’s Ruby. And Sam. “Can you come visit?”

Yes, yes I can. She uses her free hand to wrap her fingers around the hem of her shirt, tugging at it to keep her from blurting out what she wants. I want to see you, and your mom, one last time. She cannot say that, because she knows it’s a one way ticket to cutting her time in half, when she still has so much to do here. I want to tell you I love you, just so you know you are loved.

“I should talk to Sam first, if she’s okay with it, I don’t see why I can’t go.”

I’m dying anyway, a week changes nothing.

“My mom will say no. She doesn’t know how to ask for help.”

“Does she need help?”

“Not like that. She’s just” Ruby doesn’t say anything else, as if she’s looking for the right words to say it, to make Alex understand. “she hasn’t been sleeping. She doesn’t think I notice, but she’s overworking, even at home, and the only time I caught her sleeping was sitting at the dining table, on top of work. She cries at night, when she thinks I’m asleep.”

“Ruby...”

“Alex, please, mom barely talks about National City and, when she does, it’s about you.”

It’s about you. And she wishes she could say she felt roots metaphorically spreading through her chest, but they were quite literal.

It’s about you. And she feels the moment everything shifts in a way she always expected but was never ready for it.

It’s about you. And the pain comes differently this time, ripping her sternum open, not asking for passage through her throat as it shoots up without her permission.

“I’ll see what I can do.” She hangs up, because Ruby shouldn’t have to listen to her knees hitting the ground, her body giving out the moment after, fingers coming up to grasp at the base of her neck, wishing she could just scratch out whatever was there.

It’s a perfectly formed flower that comes out, but it’s hard to see with all the blood covering it. If she didn’t know any better, she would’ve guessed they were red from the beginning.

“I thought it was Maggie, for a while at least.” They had found themselves at the same spot where this all started weeks ago. Lena had her bag hanging from the crook of her elbow, eyes set forward, patiently waiting for the elevator doors to open. And Alex? Well, Alex had a what used to be white tissue cleaning the blood from her mouth, a bottle of water to try and get rid of the taste lingering on her tongue. “But it’s Sam, isn’t it?”

Feels good to be seen.

She crumples the tissue in her fist, shoves it deep inside the pocket of her jacket.

“I wish things could’ve gone differently.”

“Yeah.” The elevator dings, the doors slide open and, again, Alex holds it open for Lena to step in first. “Me too.”

She leaves for Metropolis on a Saturday morning, her ticket back to National City already bought for the next afternoon. She still hasn’t told Kara and her mom calls her every night, the promise of going to National City no matter what leaving her lips at every goodbye. Alex knows there’s no way of preventing it, she has roughly three weeks, and she has a lot of people to tell.

None of that is important when the plane lands, and she clutches her backpack as close to her body as possible. She’s thirty minutes away from Sam, and, maybe, three months too late for her own health, but none of that matters either.

What matters is, when Sam opens the door in middle laugh, she freezes, with light brown eyes boring into her own. That she freezes for long enough that Ruby squeals and runs past her mother to hug Alex as strongly as she can. Ruby is taller, at least she thinks so, and stronger too, but that can be just a side effect from the lack of sleep, and you know, the ticking time bomb inside her chest.

Speaking of which, it tightens around her organs, seeing Sam makes it hurt more than it normally does only by thinking of her. Because Sam is more beautiful than she could ever remember, because Sam looks at her with something akin to affection that makes Alex hope, because Alex is sure, now that she’s close again, that she would’ve fallen in love all over again, even if she had forgotten Sam in the first place.

Eternal love seems like the right description.

“The pancakes are burning.” Are Sam’s first words, and it only takes a look at each of them for Ruby to take the spatula from her mother’s hand and go back inside muttering under her breath.

Sam doesn’t say another word, she surges forward instead, wrapping her arms around Alex’s neck, face tucking at her shoulder, and Alex feels like she can breathe for the first time since Sam left. She feels the oxygen entering her body, going through her cells, and she knows, that this will be the last time she’s able to breathe like this.

She understands what Ruby was talking about, it happens when she snakes her arms around her waist to bring her closer, to press their bodies completely, and maybe Alex didn’t have the chance of doing that for so long, but she notices the difference. Sam’s thinner, her arms don’t hold all that strength they used to even before everything, like her body is giving up over something she had no power to control.

They make quite a pair, with Alex looking like she hasn’t known the word sleep for the past month, dark circles under her eyes and a pocket full of bloodied tissues, and Sam looking like she would collapse at any given step.

Her cheekbone are more prominent, Alex notices as soon as she takes a step back, and her collarbones peek from under her shirt, being so big that it barely hugs her figure.

“What, I mean, how?”

“Ruby called. Can we talk about that later? I just really missed you.” It’s the easiest admission of her life, the way her eyes shine makes her heart race and palms sweat, the lingering touch on her neck seizing with a gentle parting squeeze.

“Come in, we’re having late breakfast.”

“So, like, brunch?”

Sam’s laugh is a sound she never thought she would hear again, and, now that she has, she doesn’t want to think about the day she won’t get to hear it again. She doesn’t want to think about how that day is tomorrow. How this is, after all, the beginning of a series of goodbyes.

“Don’t you want the pancakes?”

“Oh, I never turn down free food. Learned it from Kara.”

The way Sam smiles makes her think that maybe, but she won’t. Not when it has the potential of destroying the last shred of hope on the back of her mind.

She only excuses herself once in the course of the afternoon, it happens when Sam’s smile gets so big the corner of her eyes crinkle in the softest of ways, and it’s directed at no one but Alex. She feels like her heart could burst out of her chest.

Blood comes out of her lungs instead.

“You haven’t eaten all day.” Is all Alex says when Sam finally leaves the bathroom that night, hair pulled up in a messy bun, barefoot, and a large shirt stopping barely at her mid thighs, but Alex is sure that any shirt Sam wears would be too large for her. She should’ve come sooner.

And she stands at the kitchen counter, a plate of chicken braised in olive oil with vegetables in front of her, the chair pulled back with her hand at its back, a silent invitation for Sam to sit down. Or, maybe, less of an invitation and more like a command.

Alex hadn’t missed the way Sam’s thumb pressed against her open palm whenever she started to feel anxious, or how she barely even touched her food before she cleaned up the table, or the way her smile was genuine for only a fraction of time before the light dimmed in her eyes. Alex noticed Sam, all of her, and she cared, oh, how she cared.

That’s why, even when all the lights are out in the apartment and Ruby is sound asleep, a pillow and a blanket waiting for her on the couch, after a long discussion she only won because Sam got tired of fighting, she still sees the way Sam’s throat bob, the hard swallow she takes, much like Ruby does when she’s caught doing something she shouldn’t.

“I’m not hungry.” She hums, nonchalantly, but doesn’t take her eyes off of Sam, she couldn’t even if she wanted to.

“I know. But you have to eat.” Her mouth start opening to argue, but Alex is faster. “Just try, please.”

Sam sits down, takes the fork in her hand, and Alex pulls the other stool next to her. She doesn’t even think before placing her hand on Sam’s thigh, thumb making small circles against the smooth skin, and, god, if this doesn’t feel like everything that’s been wrong in her life finally set its course in the right direction.

Of course, her lungs choose this moment to constrict, start fighting for air, but she doesn’t throw up, barely takes in a ragged breath as to not scare Sam.

“I haven’t been able to eat or sleep like I used to. It’s like my body hasn’t understood that I’m me again, that I need this.”

“We’ll get to that later, okay? You’re doing amazing.”

Alex asks about Ruby, only if so to take Sam’s mind out of her task, and it’s easy, then, to listen to Sam talk with love on every word and remember why she fell in love in the first place.

Alex hangs onto the words, how her lips curve to form them, the sound of her voice, as if it would be the very last she hears, and, every time Sam rests the cutlery and lets that hand rest on top of Alex’s own, her heart flutters in her chest in a way she’s not sure whether is good or bad. If it’s gonna give her another month or kill her faster.

Then, Sam gives her this look, more than half of her plate already gone, and Alex acts on instinct. She leans forward, press her lips to her temple the same moment she squeezes her thigh just a little harder. She hears the sigh, her shoulders slumping with the weight she’s been carrying.

“You did great, love.” It slips out with such ease, she has trouble believing it has never happened before and, if Sam is bothered, she doesn’t show. “Get ready for bed, I’ll keep you company until you fall asleep.”

Sam doesn’t try to argue this time, her eyes almost dropping closed, and Alex hurries to cover the plate with PVC plastic before putting it in the fridge, dishes to be dealt with later.

Sam’s waiting for her when she gets there, standing at the side of her bed, fiddling with her fingers as if she doesn’t know how to proceed. Alex doesn’t either, so she opens the blinds to let the bright glow of the city bathe the room, turns off the bedside lamps, to, lastly, sit down at the bed, her back against the headboard.

“Don’t make this more awkward than it has to be.”

With a small laugh, she follows Alex, but lays down completely and turns around to face her in the dark. If anyone would look beautiful with a yellow lamppost light shinning against her eyes, making the bags under them seem way deeper than they actually are, that person would be Sam.

Just her luck.

“I wish you would’ve called me sooner.”

There’s a smile, she is sure of it, but it’s gone so fast she starts to doubt if she really saw it to begin with.

“I didn’t want to bother you, you have a lot on your plate.”

“Sam,” she calls, fingers aching to trace the sharp edge of her jawline, accentuated by the glow against the white pillow, “you, Samantha Arias, are the furthest thing from a burden to me. You are my friend and I-I care so much about you.”

I love you. But she doesn’t say it, instead, she gets closer, lets Sam’s fingers find the hem of her shirt, lets them wrap around it for dear life.

I love you. But she doesn’t say it, instead, she lets her eyes trace every line of her face, to try and commit it all to memory, every freckle, every expression line, every fading scar from something that should never have happened.

I love you. But she doesn’t say it, instead, letting her head fall to the wood supporting her weight, and closes her eyes.

I love you. And I’m sorry.

“Promise me you’ll call me, every night. And when you can’t eat as well, so I can distract you.”

Sam presses closer, the side of her face resting against her thigh, the ghost of a kiss left on top of the shorts covering her skin. “I promise.”

She doesn’t leave her side that night.

They spend a nice day out, and they share a doughnut as they wait for Ruby to decide what she wants for breakfast at the small bakery at the corner of their street. The domesticity of it alone would be enough to make her forget how to breath, but Sam kept making things harder.

It was on the way she would throw her arm around Ruby’s shoulder and turn her head back to look at Alex, the kindest of smiles on her lips, and Alex would find out that she didn’t need to breathe all along. It was on how Sam would steal her sup of coffee, a carefree laugh on her lips and not a trace of tiredness on her movements.

It was on the way Alex’s tongue would grow heavier, the words forming deep inside, to be shoved down again, flowers coming in their place.

It’s just a cold. She hurried to say when the coughing fit got too heavy and she felt like her lungs would give out before she even had the chance to tell her sister, black spots covering her vision and Sam’s hands on her side to keep her balanced. And I’m too much of a coward.

She tries to convince herself that the way her chest tightens and the air refuse to reach her lungs is only in her head the moment she turns around to leave Sam.

She gets drunk in cheap wine she bought at a Seven-Eleven in Lena’s office two days after she comes back to National City. It’s ugly, to say at least. She ends up curled on the two seat couch, head resting against Lena’s lap as she cries, because it just hurts so fucking much.

Lena lets her, Lena lets her and she only runs her hand through her short auburn hair, she doesn’t lie and tell her things are going to be okay when they’re not.

Lena lets her, and she presses her face a little further against her stomach hoping no one would hear her sobs, not that there were other people around.

Lena lets her, and she feels so vulnerable at the moment, so loved, that she has a hard time finding her words after.

“Promise me you’ll take care of them.”

“I will, I promise.”

Thank you, but the words don’t leave her mouth, instead, she her whole body shakes and she stains Lena’s white blouse with blood.

Kara blinks slowly with half a sticky bun inside her mouth and sugar around her lips, maybe blurting out in the middle of brunch at the counter top of her apartment wasn’t the best option to begin with.

Maybe it was the words. Maybe it was the defeat in her voice, the resignation to wait for it to end. Maybe it was on the pleading look Kara sent her way, begging for it not to be the truth.

“You’re what?”

Dying. She casts her eyes down, chooses not to answer the question burning in her sister’s tongue, chooses to not look at those blue eyes, chooses to show her instead.

It’s easy to find a tissue with a beautiful, red stained vine with three purple flowers, all she had to do was reach inside her back pocket. That one came in the morning, right after Sam texted her that she would be busy for the day, and probably wouldn’t be able to call until late night. A rejection that was not quite one, but felt the same to her body nevertheless.

“Turns out Hanahaki disease can actually kill you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”

“What are your options?” Kara’s voice sounded just like Supergirl’s, and she only needed one look to realize her posture matched the tone. She hated this, she hated how Kara would handle, because she wasn’t ready to let go.

“There aren’t any. Look, Kara, I chose not to forget, okay? I made my choice and my peace with it a long time ago.”

“What do you mean you don’t have options? How” Kara’s voice broke, it sounded so small, much like the one from the girl who came to live with them over a decade ago, like she was losing everything again. Maybe she was, and maybe Alex was selfish, but it was her decision. “how long do you have?”

The words got caught on her mouth, she couldn’t say them, she couldn’t admit to her sister that, in less than a week, she would be gone. That she would break the one promise she never thought she would. That she would leave her alone, when all Kara needed was her.

“I’m calling Maggie, she loves you, we can”

“That’s the thing, Kara, it’s not Maggie.”

There’s a knock on her door, and she takes the opportunity of not having to face Kara’s confusion even if it means just letting whoever it was in. She didn’t expect Sam. A healthier Sam, with color on her cheeks and looking like she’s been spending more than five hours in her bed at nights.

Sam, with a small, blue cardboard box clutched to her chest, handbag resting against her hip, and a shy smile barely visible behind the locks of hair falling in front of her face.

Sam, and her lungs constricted in a way they never have before.

“I thought you were busy today.”

“I was.” Sam shrugs a half shrug, and Alex suddenly feels completely exposed at the way Sam keeps looking at her. “I had a flight at seven am to come scream at my idiot friend.” Friend. Of course, she wants to throw up. “I just didn’t know you’d have company.”

She had forgotten about Kara, Kara, who looked at her with the most fake expression of power, the telling not even in the crinkle this time, rather in the slight tremble of her lower lip as her eyes never left Alex.

“Kara was just leaving.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“Yes, you were.” Alex hugs her with enough force to hurt, and maybe, this time, Kara feels it, because she hugs back just as strongly. Alex doesn’t mention how it makes her unable to breathe for real, how important every gasp of air is at the moment, how little oxygen her body is running with so she can’t spare a single molecule. “We have time. We’ll talk later.”

The door is clicked shut behind Sam and her eyes don’t even faze at the sound, they never leave Alex’s, a question burning in them that Alex has a hard time not answering.

But they don’t say anything, not until Sam leaves her handbag on top of the counter, takes two steps closer to Alex so that she doesn’t have another choice other than to look at her in the eye. She wishes she had another, because the little air on her lungs is knocked out, the roots taking its place the moment they’re gone.

“You know.” It’s a statement, not a question, so Sam doesn’t respond. “Lena told you?”

“She called me last night, in the middle of a breakdown and told me you were dying, and being stubborn and an idiot. I already knew two of the three things.”

“It’s”

“Hanahaki disease, I know.” Her voice is so low Alex has to force herself to listen as she keeps her feet grounded into place, not allowing herself to get any closer. She had so much willpower for so long, she doubts she would have any left at this point. “An infection because of unrequited love, where vines grow in your lungs until you suffocate if the love is not returned, or if you choose not to forget about that love.”

Alex lets out a small, forced laugh, runs her fingers through her hair in an attempt of getting her ground once more.

“You did your research.”

“And you should’ve told me.”

“I didn’t want to bother you.” Sam smiles, closes the little distance there was between them, a small huff coming from her parted lips.

“You, Alex Danvers, are the furthest thing from a burden to me.” Sam’s going to be the death of her. Figuratively, and quite literally. “You are my friend, and you are loved.”

Alex can’t keep her eyes on hers anymore, they are too open, too honest, and Alex has to find a way of stopping the hope building in her chest, to keep the vines growing instead of living in an illusion that Sam loved her back.

She stops looking at her in the eye, the alternative is not that better. She ends with her eyes fixed on Sam’s smile, her lips, the curve of her mouth ever so inviting. Please, let this be real.

“Look, Sam, you don’t have to-”

“Will you ever take your head out of your ass?” And Sam kisses her.

Sam kisses her and her lungs never felt so open. Sam kisses her and there’s enough space inside her body to fit all the air of the room, if it hadn’t been knocked out of her as soon as their lips touched. Sam kisses her, and there’s still a lingering taste of the coffee she had this morning to wash out the blood and then there’s only Sam.

She kisses with her whole body, even if it’s barely a press of lips, a hand resting against her hip to tug her closer. They burn, every place their bodies touch, it burns. Alex’s brain is still trying to catch up with just happened when Sam leans back, glazed eyes and an honest smile.

“I’m in love with you.” Alex cannot think of something else to say at the moment, and it pulls a relieved laugh from Sam.

“I kinda got that.”

“Can you-”

“Alex, you gave me a lollipop once and I fell in love with your smile.”

“Good, that’s good.”

“Oh, I almost forgot.” Sam raises the box still in her hand so that Alex’s attention is on it, smiles from ear to ear. “I brought you flowers, they are my favorite.”

Sam opens it, the tiny arrangement of purple flowers stares at her in pure disdain, the same flowers she’s been spiting out for almost three whole months. Alex groans, drops her head to Sam’s shoulder and hears the beautiful laugh that made her heart clench in her chest in the best ache possible.

“I don’t want to see a heliotrope for the rest of my life.”

“We can work on that later.” Their lips connect once more and Alex couldn’t agree more.

With all due respect, eternal love can go fuck itself.

#agentreign #agentreign fanfic #my work #supergirl #supergirl fanfic #danvarias #don't @me okay #i'm emotional #and i miss them

33 notes · View notes

shintorikhazumi · 7 years ago

Text

A Warm Diana Chapter 4: Turn Up the Heat

A Warm Diana Chapter 4: Turn up the heat

I don’t hate Andrew, not at all, but he doesn’t really interest me. Ok, bu t I love wingman Andrew... so much! I prefer Frank, honestly, but I don’t really mind Andrew, but for the sake of explanation to Chap 3’s Akko and her… pushing away despite loving Diana… well…

Ok... why? WHy in the last episode, and why too late when I already go this set, is it hard for me to post this? Wingman Andrew is best Andrewm but... ugh... why must I be conflicted?!

I apologize beforehand if this chapter will be so random and/or vague especially when it involves Akko, and it will be so damn confusing unless I placed my answers here right.

This is sooo… weird. This chapter. It’s weird. And horrible, and bad and I’m just-

I’m so disappointed in myself rn… but don’t mind me. It sucked. I’ve read it before you guys so a heads up… T^T… Why????

AKKO LOVES DIANA SO MUCH, Okay? Maybe a little too much.

Annnndddd… I don’t understand myself anymore L

EPISODE 25 WaS GLORIOUS!!! And I wanna cry… so bad… losing another series is just too painful… I’ll be lying on my bed staring blankly at the ceiling, so please read.

Ok, I know I said I wouldn’t post because of Ep 25, but… my country won’t show it yet… soooo… I’ll watch it in a couple of minutes. It should be out by now.

Ummm…

Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

The insistent ringing of the alarm clock just by her head got Akko flapping her arm about, looking for the damned button to take away the annoying noise so early in the morning.

She did not want to open her eyes, just so she could get that last few minutes of shut-eye before having to get up, lest she comes into a full state of being awake.

She could hear the groans from above her, whispering that she should just get up and turn it off, to which she stubbornly refused and was hit in the face with a pillow that flew from across the room, with the aid of mushroom propulsion.

Due to the vote of the majority, Akko forced her eyes open, blinking and trying to register all the light, shapes and colors around her till she spotted the ticking little object, slamming the button, and tossing it into her drawer.

Silence ensued for a good five minutes before a stray thought popped into Akko’s mind, confusing her on why she had set the alarm if it really was the day she thought it was.

Mustering enough volume into her raspy, early-morning voice, she knocked against the wood of the bunk above her to gain the attention of one of her roommates and best friends.

“Hey, Lotte?” An exhausted hum was the only response, but Akko took it that the girl was listening anyway. “What day is it today? Is it Saturday?” She didn’t know why she needed an answer despite having an idea, but the reply she got had her slapping her forehead and bringing her into complete awareness.

“If you knew, why the hell did you set your alarm for the weekend?” Sucy groaned from across the room, turning about in her bed, looking away from the side with her friends.

“Yes, Akko… It’s Saturday. Don’t tell me you have supplementary lessons again.” The blonde sighed, taking a peek at the bunk below, and he faced morphed into confusion as she watched a bewildered Akko staring at the seven-am numbers on the clock she had just retrieved.

She seemed to be in deep thought before she slapped both her cheeks, now sporting three red triangle points on her face.

“Akko?!”

No Answer was given as Akko bolted from her spot to the drawers to gather her materials, towel and some underwear- something odd since she usually included her clothes, throwing in whatever to an outfit for the weekend, or simply wearing her uniform. The bathroom door banged shut as the sounds of rustling clothes, a yelp (courtesy of Akko slipping) and the sudden sound of a shower (and another cry as the temperature hadn’t been adjusted) were the sounds that headed their morning.

As she scrubbed herself totally clean, Akko couldn’t stop the jitters as she remembered why she needed to be up by this time.

She cursed as she remembered that she still had to plan out her clothes for the day. Something she seldom did, but just had to do.

Why?

Because today was special…

Today was…

The date.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Sucy resisted the urge to roll her eyes as another shriek came, followed by angry muttering as Akko had either bumped into another piece of furniture, her leg bumped into something low, she stepped on something lying round or she stubbed her foot, or maybe worst case scenario, she was making out with the wall again.

“Stupid Walls.”

Ah. She got her answer.

The potion brewer could hear Lotte’s scolding voice as the bespectacled girl had actually been watching Akko in her dance of madness while she threw articles of clothing over her shoulder.

“Akko, calm down. Why are you so panicky in the morning?” She inquired, now climbing down from the bunk and helping her brunette friend out by picking up all the materials strewn about the room.

“Thank goodness, Lotte… Umm… I need your help.” She said putting on a shirt, wearing it, shaking her head then throwing it back in the pile.

“What’s wrong? Why are you in such a hurry? And why are you even acting like this?” Lotte watched her skeptically, seeing this out of character Akko, playing dress up. “It’s almost as if you’re trying to impress someone on a date.”

“I am.” Akko replied instantly, without thinking.

“What?!”

Sucy winced inwardly at the loudness so early in her day, and faced her roommates, deadpan expression on.

“To be more specific, she is trying to impress Diana on a date. At what, nine-am?” The brunette nodded as Sucy gave Akko a once-over, grimacing at her too flashy attire this time, telling Akko that she needed to change it. “And don’t worry, Akko.” She turned to her other friend. “You could wear a rag and Diana would still want to walk around town with you, though I guess you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that, with or without Diana.”

Akko coughed into her fist, out of embarrassment and out of the fact that she choked on her words the moment Sucy spoke.

“Y-yeah… so Lotte?” She returned her attention to the blonde. “Help me out?” She pleaded, voice nearly a reluctant whimper.

“Sure.”

As Lotte went through Akko’s clothes more neatly than the owner, said owner was lost in her own thoughts again.

Akko wondered why she was trying so hard when she, herself had been the one who was so hesitant on going on this date with a certain blonde prodigy.

She had almost refused those dazzling blue pools and that affectionate smile, almost.

Just because she had her insecurities, she had her fears.

But then again, that was exactly why, why she was doing such things.

Looking herself in the mirror, in all her uncoordinated glory, hair strewn about, she muttered her prayers.

If, at the very least for today, any god would hear her prayer, she wished that she would look acceptable enough, worthy to be seen walking beside Diana, and making her happy on this date.

And really, if it were granted, it would be her only wish for a long time.

At the very least, let her be the one to be by Diana’s side today.

She viewed herself in the mirror as Lotte fancied her up, enough to look presentable, but not too much to look, well… and maybe the blonde added a touch of make-up, against Akko’s will, but enough to bring out her beauty as the blonde squealed at her handiwork.

“There! All done.” She smiled, closing the compact. “You must be excited, huh?”

Akko didn’t respond.

She just stared at herself in the mirror, recalling exactly why she did not favor this date than she would have if certain incidents hadn’t occurred. She looked at the mirror, now asking herself if she looked good enough, feeling familiar prickling at the corners of her eyes as Lotte gasped in surprise, asking her what was wrong as she began quietly letting a few tears slip down her features at her face portrayed through the glass.

She looked into watery eyes in shock, asking herself so many questions, one of them being why she was crying.

She felt so conflicted now. Her feelings for Diana, or her insecurities involving Diana. Negated by her fears, the emotions she held…

It almost didn’t seem worth it at all.

Sucy and Lotte stared at her worriedly, before both drew in to comfort her, knowing there was something causing her dread more than first date butterflies.

They didn’t want to know, but they also wanted to be confided in.

And Akko remembered a day, three days ago when she asked herself. For Diana…

Am I enough?

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Three days prior to the talk by the fountain…

A young, well-groomed man stepped out of his expensive limousine, fixing his tie and brushing off whatever imaginary dust he thought he’d have on his two-hundred thousand dollar suit.

He was a man on a mission, two actually, one just serving as a lowly premise for a grander order of business that was composed of him, a lovely mischievous witch, her hat, and some worded feelings.

Yes, the reason why the famous Andrew Hanbridge had returned to Luna Nova Academy was to return Kagari Atsuko’s hat and hope she returned something else of his.

As luck would have it at a quarter-past four just outside Luna Nova’s largest building, the Japanese girl just so happened to pass by, carrying a brow-raising amount of cleaning supplies.

Fixing his tie, checking his breath and clearing his throat, he called for her. “Miss Kagari?”

The girl did a double-take at the sight of the boy- and of the expensive-looking vehicle behind him.

“Oh, hey Andrew! Why are you here?” She asks with a smile, setting down her materials as she approaches him to chat.

“Actually, just this. Here you go. You seem to be quite careless and I recommend you take care of your belongings more.” He reached out the hat to which the girl gave a happy sound followed by a sheepish grin.

“My hat! You had it… Whew, thank you so much for returning it to me.” She told the boy, scratching the back of her head. “Professor Finneran has been hounding me non-stop about it. My ears are starting to scar.

They shared a laugh and the atmosphere was pleasant enough for Andrew to commence with his intentions.

“May we talk a while?” The man asked, holding out a hand expectantly, which Akko either failed to notice, or purposely ignored as she walked past him, leading the way to a nearby bench.

“Sure!”

Exchanging pleasantries and experiences between the two brunette’s ate up quite the fair amount of time, and Akko realized that she still had detention work to do, and tried to excuse herself from a frowning Andrew.

Andrew was disappointed. He enjoyed chatting with the brunette. Really, he did, but something was strange about every single thing they talked about.

It had started with how school was doing, and Andrew told Akko of his learning experience, how he found a good piano teacher there, he boasted about his grades and awards and Akko simply clapped in awe. He liked it, the praise and attention.

But then, it began.

Akko praised him, but then she said she knew someone who could do the same things.

Diana.

Well, it was only one comparison out of many and the rich boy tried to not let it bother him so much.

Akko talked about her own school happenings, and Andrew smiled in fondness, listening attentively, erasing her existence… before Akko rewrote it with so few words.

“-But then Diana helped me out with my homework again! She’s so nice and amazing, and surprisingly kind, wait no. She’s always been that. I’m just stupid.” Akko laughed at her own words, but Andrew remained mirthless.

And that became the format of each conversation.

Andrew would start up a new topic each time the Cavendish girl’s name popped out, trying to drive it as far away from her, and lead it back to them, he and Akko, back to him.

But each and every time, school, family, hobbies, likes, EVERYTHING. Everything always seemed to lead back to Diana. Akko’s thoughts always strayed back to Diana. Everything coursing through Akko’s life always connected to Diana.

Diana, Diana, Diana, Diana, Diana, Diana.

Diana.

How ladybugs and tacos could even come close to be related to her was a mystery, and he felt his confession chances slipping more and more till he reached breaking point. When Akko asked if she could go ahead.

“I’m sorry Andrew!” She squealed, looking at the gigantic clock overlooking Luna Nova’s courtyard. “I forgot about my detention duties. Is it okay if I go back now? Really sorry, I still wanted to talk some more but-“

Andrew breathed deep, feeling the air fill his lungs as he tried to compose himself. “It’s fine.” He spoke through gritted teeth. His chances at confessing were slim, but then again, maybe he should leave it for another time, Diana indirectly thwarting his plans with the help of time.

Wait, Diana?

On second thought, Andrew got up and grasped Akko’s arm looking into wide red irises, blinking at him, stunned.

“Miss Kagari, I have one final question.” He informed, and she straightened up and stared at him in wait.

Bracing himself for the most likely answer that he knew had the biggest possibility of crushing his chances, He asked with all his dignity and pride on the line.

“Do you fancy Diana?”

The way Akko choked on air, jaw hung slack and staring gave Andrew all the answers he needed as his eyes narrowed, gripping her arm tighter as he willed her to stay with him for this conversation.

His next words, he knew they were out of his own jealousy and spite, and against his better judgment, would obviously hurt Akko, something he wouldn’t do normally.

But still he said it.

“You can’t.”

It seemed to snap Akko out of her shocked trance as her confusion turned into interrogation, wondering why her friend, who had somehow realized her feelings for another witch, was questioning- no, opposing the nature of her feelings.

“Why?” She asked, needing an answer. All her other friends here at Luna Nova seemed to have no qualms with it, why should Andrew.

Then she remembered Andrew wasn’t from Luna Nova, he wasn’t with the witches, he was traditional like his father in a sense, no matter how much he did not want to be. Andrew was a boy.

“You just can’t.” And Andrew tried searching for a compelling enough reason for Akko’s love to not come to fruition. “The two of you are so far apart, not only physically, but emotionally, mentally, socially even, and culturally. Akko, if you didn’t know now, I’ll tell you myself. Society will judge you.”

Akko wondered what was going on. And after everything was okay earlier in their talk, it took a turn for worse.

She was struck by a sudden thought. She didn’t think it could be possible, but if there was even the slightest chance, then… What if-

“Are you saying this because you think you’d be a better match for Diana?” She inquired seriously, honestly, not wanting another rival out of a friend.

“NO!” Andrew shouted, not being able to believe how dense the girl could be. Didn’t she see that he and Diana were practically always at each other’s throats? He needed to clarify. “I’m saying this because I’m interested in you.” He finally confessed, hand squeezing the one in his as Akko blinked back in surprise, before frowning with a shake of the head.

Andrew was a nice person, and maybe it wouldn’t be so wrong- No, if there was one thing she was certain of, she wanted Diana and herself to work. This was something she needed to be blunt about, not only to the male, but to herself as well.

“No Andrew,” She began calmly, looking into his eyes as she shook his hand off, standing as tall as her petite stature would allow her. “If you can plainly see, and understand that I like, no love Diana, then why would you tell me I can’t, ignoring the fact that you actually just confessed.” Akko informed, before adding as an afterthought. “Sorry I can’t accept your feelings, by the way.”

Andrew looked at her, his own perception used against him. But now, the irritation he felt wasn’t due to the fact that Akko rejected him of all people, but because the cause of the rejection was Diana of all people.

“Then can you say that to her face?” He challenged her, hardening his head in defiance. “Tell her you love her?”

“Andrew-“ Before she could give a steady answer, she was cut off.

“Akko, I’m the one who likes you more.”

And the brunette instantly knew he was wrong. She just felt it.

Because no one. No one. Gave her the feelings Diana gave, Looked at her the way Diana did, and made her want to shower Diana with as much love as the prodigy had for her. No one could let her feel love without needing to say a word.

No one was as Warm as Diana.

“But then wouldn’t you be in the same boat as Diana?” Once more, she tried using his own words against him, but against her expectations, Andrew gave her a wry smile, knowing something she didn’t and was ready to share.

“The only difference between I and her Is that she is a woman, you both are. And I am a man.”

It was so Quiet. Akko was speechless as she was swarmed with unpleasant thoughts and assumptions.

Just what had Andrew said to make her feel such?

“And have you ever considered what her family would think?” The gut wrenching mention of Diana’s family, people Akko didn’t exactly have fond memories of, made her shiver.

Because whether or not they were horrible human beings, or snakes, They were still Diana’s family and therefore held more importance to the girl in her life.

“Would they ever approve of you two?” Andrew added more and more salt to the wound. “Much less you.“

Akko felt her fists clench so tightly her palms hurt, as she gripped them, nails digging into her skin, ensuring red marks later on.

“I’m ready to find a way for myself, but is Diana?” The boy turned away from the witch, ready to walk away and not let the disdain show on his face, hating everything including himself for being such a petty, lowly, jealousy-driven individual.

Envy was a dangerous sin.

“She- she… She is.” Akko decided to put all her faith in Diana, but still… even with this much trust in the blonde, Akko knew that her uncertainty was not for fear for herself, but for fear of the things that could affect Diana, and love just confuses everyone.

“Think about it.” The politician’s son gave his final offer and warning to which Akko was grateful for, but not willing to accept.

“I am.”

She really was thinking. Deeply about his words, their talk.

“You know I only say this because I care. About you.” Andrew told her this, climbing back into the seat of his car.

“I’m sorry.” Akko gave a curt bow, no longer being able to smile and laugh and look into her friend’s eyes. “I may care about you, but it can only ever be as a friend.”

Andrew kept the strangled breath in his throat as he did nothing to bid goodbye, as did Akko.

“Suit yourself. I will be waiting.”

Left alone now, Akko picked up all her cleaning supplies, hearing a frustrated growl from a familiar teacher in charge of detention.

“Guess I’ll get back to those windows.”

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

“You are distracted.”

Akko nearly spat out her drink, quickly scanning the table for a tissue or cloth, Diana handing her one helpfully, the brunette nodding her thanks as she wiped off the liquid that escaped her lips from her surprise.

“Are you alright?” Diana’s worried gaze filled Akko with warm fuzzies and butterflies, but she also felt bad for causing the blonde concern on their date that was seemingly very special to the heiress.

“I’m fine.” Akko replied with a nod for extra guarantee.

Diana seemed to accept it, and leaned back into her seat, taking another bite of her food and letting her date relax, before tensing again.

“So what has been on your mind that you have been ignoring me this whole time?” They had been sitting at their table, in this café for nearly two hours and not so much as simple greetings and formalities had been exchanged.

Akko was barely lucky that the cup was still to her lips as she spat out all she had drank, back into the cup, disgusted by herself as she put the cup back down, hoping the waiters would just throw the contents away later.

“Sorry.” The girl whispered with a bowed head.

The heiress sighed, folding her hands on top of the table as she looked at Akko’s defeated form. “I don’t need an apology, I want an answer.”

“Sorry.”

Diana was sad because Akko was sad, and there was no way she wanted her very first date with her very first love to end on a sour note. She needed to fix things as soon as possible.

“Is it… because of me?” It hurt to ask this question, but she felt it was relevant to know.

The brunette witch’s eyes widened, shaking her head furiously. “No, absolutely not. You are not- well… I-“

What was she doing? Allowing Diana, in her oh so stunning dress to impress, to feel anxious, scared on the date after she had been so kind as to invite Akko out, choosing a private location for them, a rarely visited café on the outskirts of town, far from all who knew them, and at first Akko’s thoughts of Diana being ashamed of her nagged in her head, but of course the blonde herself denied those ideas, telling Akko as they arrived that she chose this particular setting for the girl’s own comfort if she wished not to be seen due to her consciousness of Diana’s status.

Akko felt like crying a second time that day, simply from the fact that Diana still thinks of her despite how Akko is towards Diana, shy and inconsiderate of the girl’s feelings in a way. Though she refrains from doing so, she does not fail in expressing her utmost gratitude by hugging the girl tightly.

“I’ll… be fine Diana.” Akko spoke after reminiscing the past few minutes, smiling softly. “Let’s just enjoy our date? I swear I’ll pay attention now.” The girl grinned for the first time in a while, digging around her pocket before tossing loose change as tip on the table, showing her hand to Diana who was still questioning her state. She rolled her eyes. “I promise I’ll be fine, if not you can take care of me, or something?” She said, blushing a bit.

Though Diana was still a bit suspicious, and wanted to know what was bothering Akko so much, she accepted the offer of happier times and took Akko’s outstretched hand that dragged her out of her seat and out the café’s door with a clang of the bell that hung by the door.

Akko laughed freely as the air brushed against her face as she had no intentions of halting this run along this dirt road in a place far from anything they already knew, only knowing each other out here. To the dunce, there was no more place for fears or insecurities and for the first time in these past days, she felt she could breathe.

She muttered a few apologies down the road for every time Diana would make a sound of discomfort or would trip as Akko was leading her by the hand, by her own pace, letting go of all her thoughts, and replacing it with ‘Diana.’

As compensation for all the hurt, she hoped she could let Diana enjoy it… at least for today.

On the other side of things, Diana could only stare at the back she missed looking at so much, following around into adventures and all that excitement.

She spotted the smile Akko sported, even if it was for but a millisecond, but she could confirm it was real.

This was the Akko she asked out, The Akko she loved.

It was finally time to enjoy their date.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Diana was frowning. Wait, no… she was scowling.

She wanted to enjoy her date.

She had chosen a simple enough dress, stopping just above her knees that would give her enough comfort for the outdoors, and wore boots along with it, a thin coat to keep her warmer in case they stayed out late, and a shoulder bag for her things. She even applied light amounts of makeup to top off her look.

And she loved how Akko looked, arriving to meet Diana, despite her slouched appearance at first as she was bashful to show herself to the heiress.

A Plain white V-neck shirt and a scarf, a black coat, black tapered jeans, ankle boots and a cap. A leather backpack hung behind her.

Neat, not too casual, not too formal.

Akko had even taken initiative to lead her around by the hand, despite walking around with her eyes to the ground, hiding her face.

And after the café incident, things had started getting better with Akko back to her usual endearing self.

She had been beginning to enjoy her date.

-Before it rained. HARD.

“Faster, Diana!” Akko shouted through the loud noise of falling water, the clouds crying heavily on them. “I think I saw a shed over there.” She pointed through the practically misty visibility due to how strong the rain was. A silhouette of a roof barely seen on a hill.

Diana nodded, but realized Akko couldn’t see her just as she was having a hard time following Akko. The only reason they were yet to be separated in this weather was the firm hold Akko had on her hand as she guided her to shelter.

They had been running, with Akko in the lead, to any place their feet would lead them to, no particular direction in mind, though Diana had her misgiving, and worried if by chance they would get lost.

But Akko’s happiness was just too contagious that it dissipated all those thoughts. Diana had been led like a moth was to a light, the light being the ever bright Kagari Atsuko.

But just as she had been reveling in the light, basking in its warm glow, dark clouds formed suddenly overhead before releasing all the gathered waters of the heavens onto the poor pair of girls.

Now, running to a seemingly unreachable destination, Diana felt the need to be more careful as she had been tripping and slipping a few small times, before her foot eventually hit a larger rock causing her to lose her footing as she shrieked, “Akko!”

She closed her eyes in preparation for any form of impact, but the only impact she knew of was the pelting of rain against her now shivering, cold arms that found purchase around her savior’s back.

Other than that, she was left in warmer arms, a stronger protective barrier against the howling winds as she felt her back being rubbed in comfort.

“Are you okay?” A soothing voice asked, distressed for the heiress’ sake, holding Diana carefully close, only a so few feet before her head would hit the ground. Her neck and head were cradled gently in one hand, as the other supported behind her waist.

Akko was nearly parallel with Diana and the ground as her back received all the rain, Diana beneath her and shielded from it all, drops falling from brunette strands.

“You’re not hurt, are you?”

Diana’s mouth opened and shut again, gaping like a fish as she tried to find the words to say in her surprise and embarrassment as her heart beat faster and faster by the minute.

Not finding any words to express what she wanted to say, she opted to wrapping her arms fuller around Akko, pulling her into a hug, torso to torso, so close together, nearly taking them down to the ground as the other witch struggled to right both bodies, Diana now clinging against her as she returned the embrace.

“Let’s get some shelter.”

The blonde nodded, loosening her hold on Akko just a bit as said girl assisted her in standing and walking to the place she had spotted earlier.

Diana was so focused on just walking through the strong, squinting all the way that she failed to notice Akko taking off her cap and placing it on Diana’s head, allowing her to see a bit better and protect her eyes, as well as make a surprised sound.

“Akko-“ She tried to reject the help, but Akko was already shielding her eyes with her hand, not giving Diana the chance to return the hat.

“Wear it, I’ll be fine.” She instructed, lowering her head slightly, looking for a better way to see. “We’re near that shed thing, anyway.”

True enough, they now stood at what looked to be an old, worn down bus stop, deserted and in the middle of the flooding nowhere.

Akko sat Diana down and tried digging in her pack, searching for anything to wipe away all the droplets running down Diana’s face from her dripping hair onto her clothes.

Finding a face towel, Akko began dabbing carefully at Diana’s face, the other girl closing her eyes and enjoying the care as Akko proceeded to her hair and cheeks.

Diana, after being able to open her eyes, stared at the concentrated, determined look on Akko’s face as she dried Diana off gently.

“Akko, thank you, but what about yourself?” She asked, stopping the movement of Akko’s hands and calling for her attention as their gazes met. The brunette witch was obviously more soaked than she was, and possibly very cold, but was trying to hide it.

Akko decided not to reply as she tried loosening Diana’s grip on her to continue with her service to the girl- but she froze as she went lower, wiping Diana’s neck and seeing her translucent white dress due to being wet. Her eyes averted straightaway, a blush conquering her entire face as she mumbled something to herself before slipping off her black coat and covering Diana properly, the girl confused at the actions.

“What are you-?” The heiress tried removing the cloth but Akko waved her hands frantically to stop her from doing so, drawing in too close as they ended up staring into one another’s eyes again, before blinking at the same time.

“…”

“HUH?!”

The moment their eyes opened, they were in a quiet café, only drizzles outside the window as warm sunlight permeated through the grayish clouds outside the tall glass windows in the warm atmosphere.

“What the- Where are we?” Akko asked no one in particular, very suspicious of the place, their sudden location. “What just happened?”

One look at Diana who was now seated at a nicely arranged table instead of on an old wooden bench, told Akko that she had no clue either.

The brunette rubbed her temples, trying to comprehend how they got to this mysterious place, before a voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Welcome, visitors. To Café Riparo, your shelter from the rain.”

Akko’s head turned from one side to another, trying to pinpoint the location from where the voice came.

“There’s no use in searching for me. I am the owner of this magical place. A place to rest, to relax, to take shelter from the storms of the world and inside you. I cannot be seen, only heard, and I can only serve, no service returned to me. No one shall know my name, though I may always know yours.”

“Kagari Atsuko.” The girl bravely replied, giving her name, as Diana’s protest died in her throat. “I have another question.” Akko said, pulling out a chair and taking her seat, two floating towels immediately draping themselves over the guests.

Akko and Diana were surprised that after one brush of the towel, they were dry again, the cloths disappearing into thin air.

“Ask away, my guests. But before that, would you care for a warm cup of tea?”

Akko could only nod, still wary of everything, before a tea set appeared on their table, sugar cubes floating about as Diana held up two fingers, the sweet bits jumping into her cup and the liquid stirred itself.

“Why are we here?” Akko asked the question both witches were curious about, relaxing after a sip from her tea.

“To escape peril and enter into paradise, two hearts must be connected by the same actions, the same thoughts, the same feelings.”

“What is that sup-“

Then it clicked.

In one single moment of surprise, when the pair had gazed into one another’s eyes, no other thoughts running in their head but each other- the same thoughts. When they had blinked in synchronization- the same actions.

But what of the same feelings?

To embarrassed or afraid to admit, somehow they just knew and didn’t know what it meant.

While they were in deep thought, not exactly doing anything, the voice resounded throughout the room once more.

“Would you mind chatting with this unlucky, lonesome soul?”

Looking up, both shrugged, not having much choice as they still failed to comprehend what was happening, nodding their replies as more tea and treats came floating or appeared on their table.

“Let’s savor this company, shall we?”

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Chatting with, what they learned, was a cursed soul roaming this cursed “Town of Rain”, as it explained, was far less scary than one would have expected.

The voice was gentle in its stories, refilling the witch’s refreshments from time to time. Possibly the only other thing they were grateful for, food after missing lunch, aside from the shelter.

Also, maybe a new magical history that was known by so few it was such a privilege to be told from the source itself.

A greedy mayor of a town abundant in water and rain with astounding greenery and produce, charging so much for each and every product, building this café and charging his own people too much.

And the soul was cursed by the justice of the Nine Olde Witches.

Akko felt sorry for it, the soul bound to a hidden town, a hidden store, only to have company if the terms of visiting were met.

How sad was an eternal damnation alone.

But all stories must have some ending, and no matter happy or sad, they all bore a lesson to learn.

And the soul spoke in all his years of learning, that he had finally learned… a bit too late.

Diana had also felt mercy for him, as the girls shared a look while sipping tea, and they did not notice the sad atmosphere, the darkening clouds outside the window as they blinked together, realizing a moment later.

“Thank you for visiting. Do come again.”

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

“Hey Diana.”

Akko was now kicking her shoes against the ground as they found themselves sitting on that old wooden bench, at the deserted bus stop.

“Yes, Akko?”

“I think I learned something.” Akko said, neither of them looking at each other as the brunette got up, staring at the softer pelting rain, now turning into a light drizzle.

“I did too.”

It was quiet, and Diana was still staring at her lap, registering everything as if it had been a dream- until a hand came into view. She followed the arm up with her eyes, reaching a small, slightly melancholic smile.

“Did you enjoy the date?” Akko asked, though having a feeling that she and the heiress shared the same sentiment.

“Not as much as I would’ve liked.”

The brunette nodded in agreement as Diana placed her hand in the outstretched one that pulled her to her feet.

Looking back into Akko’s eyes, the girl seemed to look more refreshed, like she had really found something important.

“I guess we think and feel the same about that then, huh?”

Diana’s eyes widened as she heard those words in her head in a different voice, the two sharing grins as their hands linked, squeezing one another.

“I suppose you are correct on that front. It could have been better.”

Akko hummed, nodding, rocking on the balls of her feet before her expression morphed into mischief, eyeing the water droplets in a contemplative manner.

“It’s not too late for us to make it better?”

She smirked, and Diana did not have the luxury to wonder what it would have meant, as she was tugged by the hand back into the drizzling atmosphere, Akko leading once more, but this time beginning to run and horse around, taking Diana near bushes and trees and getting water droplets to attack the blonde girl as she shrieked in horror, before giggling and returning the favor.

What was the purpose of drying off earlier? Diana did not know, nor did she care anymore as they played around in the puddles and in the rain.

Even if the gentle breeze and the little droplets were near freezing, their joined hands emitted all the warmth in the world they’d need.

It was time to enjoy their date for real.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

The setting sun on the horizon and their dimly lit dirt path leading to familiar parts told the pair of students something. More specifically, it was time for something.

To go back to town to go home.

Diana was certainly displeased to have to leave now, not wanting to return to school despite the rules for students when going out, surprising herself as she always saw herself as a diligent and obedient child. But Love was something that was dangerous, and this was a proven fact.

Now entering the city gates, Diana found herself more relaxed, and Akko contrasting her, more tense as she kept looking around ever since they stepped foot into the crowd.

Her head was down, hiding her face and she was on high alert, almost as if she thought someone were watching her every move, or judging her for just being there, walking next to Diana.

The heiress sighed, frustrated and needing to know what caused the girl this distress. Diana never pegged her the type to worry about appearances and status, and she certainly had shown that fact a while ago, with how she acted around Andrew and other aristocratic figures. So what was so different now?

Arriving by the tower that would connect them to the leylines, Diana watched Akko’s shoulders relax as she let out a deep breath. It was the time she’d ask. They were not to return until the blonde knew what was wrong.

“Akko.” She called and the girl jolted up straight.

“Y-yes?” She looked nervous, almost as if she did not want to go back home yet- or rather, go back home with Diana. She even took a step back once the heiress drew near her, cancelling all the elation Diana had accumulated the whole day in one gesture.

“Akko…” Her voice sounded weaker as her hand tried to reach for the girl who stepped back till she was backed against the wall. “Did you hate it?”

“Huh?” Akko straightened up, now it was her turn to reach out and lift Diana’s gaze to hers. “What-“

“Did you hate the date?” Akko looked at her disbelieving, shaking her head in denial, her only way to reply, wondering where Diana obtained such thoughts. Hadn’t Akko been happy most of the time.

Oh, that was it, wasn’t it?

Most of the time.

“When it said about the same feelings… Akko… what was it that you felt before we entered the café?” Diana asked. “And on a more negative note, the shop before that, what were you thinking about? Why don’t you want to be seen with me? You were far more relaxed away from prodding eyes- Akko, just… is there something wrong with me?”

Again all Akko could do was shake her head no, mouth open but silent.

“Then, are you ashamed of being seen with me?” Diana asked, quivering.

The brunette’s eyes widened in utter shock. “Never!” No, that wasn’t it. In fact, it may have been the opposite. “Diana, I’m more scared that you’d be ashamed of being seen with me.”

“Why?”

Now that was a surprise. Why, indeed? And Diana had asked it simply, like it was perfectly questionable, that statement. Why should she be ashamed of Akko, of someone she loved?

“Because Andrew-“

Andrew.

Diana frowned immediately as Akko clamped her mouth shut, at the glaring eyes. “What about Andrew? Did he tell you something? Akko?” She may have looked menacing, but her air and voice were afraid and weak.

Diana pleaded for honesty, and there was no way Akko could say no.

“H-he…”

“Yes?”

“He said I wouldn’t suit you.”

Diana’s heart dropped to the floor.

“He said… I can’t love you.”

Diana choked on thin air, now lacing her hand with Akko’s that was grasping at the sleeves of her jacket.

“Society would judge us… and your family…Who you are, you’re amazing and- I’m not someone… who can freely walk next to you, you know?” Akko was teary-eyed explaining to Diana. “I don’t want to ruin your life just because I’m in it.”

Ruin her life? Akko was basically the only thing good in her life!

“Akko-“

“That’s why I can’t be your lover, or girlfriend or any other title other than your friend, Diana.” Akko breathed out. “Okay?”

The girl nodded in confused understanding.

“Because I’m a coward… and I’m scared.” Akko released her grip and stepped back. “I’ll ask Lotte or Sucy to pick me up. Go on ahead.” Akko smiled a smile that did not quite reach her eyes. “I at least hope you enjoyed the date.”

The sun had finally set and the tower was enveloped in quiet nighttime darkness that reached the depths of Akko’s heart.

“No.”

The firm voice made Akko lift her head in confusion.

“You didn’t?”

“NO.” Diana said again, voice louder, angrier, sadder, more loving. “No, Akko… You are mistaken, very much so.”

“Diana?”

“You suit me… Only you. You and I, we complement one another. No, Andrew is wrong. You can love me. I want you to love me.” Diana swallowed hard, parting her quivering lips. “Please, I need you to love me. Please love me.”

“Diana, I said I can’t.”

“No, because you are far from ruining my life. You fill it with adventure, fun, love, color… warmth.” Diana spoke with fondness. “No, you are not a coward. Afraid, perhaps, but not a coward. And no, do not call your team. You are returning with me.”

Diana finished it with a smile, but Akko still had questions.

“But what about the date? Did you enjoy it?”

Diana thought about it. She’d be lying if she said either yes or no.

“I think we both know the answer.” Akko nodded. “Though… there is one yes…” At the brunette’s raised brow, Diana sighed, running a and through slightly cool damp hair. “Society will judge us.”

“I see.”

“But know this Akko,” Diana cut in before the sadness consumed Akko. “I love you.”

Akko felt her heart beat faster, but painfully in her chest as she clutched it, tears in her eyes. Even after all the pain and rejection she had caused Diana, she was able to say such honest words, while Akko lied to both Diana and herself.

“No- I can’t… Diana, please…”

“I don’t need a title or a label for us just yet.” Diana cut off the weeping child, now holding onto Diana’s clothes as she slowly felt her knees go weak, the pair crouching on the floor. “But I want to date you.”

“Diana…” Akko shook her head, not allowing it, even if she ached to do so… to be allowed to love Diana. “No, I can’t… you can’t, we can’t-“

“I want to show you how I can be for you, with you, because of you.”

Diana continued her sincere words, a second, stronger confession in the making, while Akko was wavering in her decisions of a second rejection.

“I want to date you. I want to go out with you. But if you are against it, then I cannot force you because I have my feelings and you have yours. I do not, will not, push or force upon you my desires.”

Why did Diana have to be so kind, why did she still have to be so considerate… why did she have to return Akko’s feelings and impossible love?

“-but…” She spoke up again, hugging Akko once, before releasing her, holding her at arm’s length so that Akko could see the truthfulness in her eyes. “ I long to love you.”

Diana began wiping away the never-ending tears from Akko’s face as she held onto Diana’s clothes, still shaking her head, resolve breaking, shame overruled by love.

“So will you let me?”

The tears fell into her lap as she cried, noisily, then quietly, sniffling, then breathing deeply, trying to let it all out, but trying to prevent it all. Akko held onto Diana, not any closer than their one body apart distance, but Diana wanted more, pulling the smaller girl in close and hugging her as tightly as she could.

“Will you let me?”

“D-D… Diana!” Akko sobbed into the jacket, soaking it with her salty tears as she nodded, finally accepting, hugging Diana, clutching the fabric covering the girls back, running her hands all over. “I’m sorry!” She cried. “I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry I was scared. I’m sorry… I’m sorry for leading you on… I’m sorry for not giving you a proper answer… Diana I’m sorry I can’t- I’m…”

“You were hurt, weren’t you?” Diana whispered softly into her ear, tucking Akko under her chin as she rocked them both back and forth. “His words hurt you, those thoughts scared you… for my sake.��

Akko nodded, not trusting her voice any longer, broken and raspy.

“Don’t be sorry.” Diana cooed. “Thank you for telling me, Akko.” She kissed through the girl’s hair, on her forehead, she brought the girl’s hand to her lips, warming them with her love. “We can now work this out together.”

Akko felt herself being lifted up, up into Diana’s arms as she felt so, so weak, as the heiress prepared and mounted her broom.

“We can work the details, and the other things out later.” She planted a kiss on the girl’s nose, then on her eyelids, then on her tear-stained cheeks. “For now, let’s go home.”

Akko nodded, and with a ‘Tia freyre!’, they were on their way to a new start, a fresh one, a happier one.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Arriving at the gates, Akko was able to stand on her own two feet, wobbly, yes, but enough to walk on her own, albeit with the assistance of Diana.

“Akko, before we go back in,” The brunette barely had enough time to be aware before Diana’s forehead bumped against hers and her lips were planted just on her chin, inches shy of Akko’s own pair of pink petals. “I love you. I am willing to wait.”

A fresh batch of tears welled in her chest as Akko cried, pulling Diana into a hug, muttering sorry and thank you over and over to the blonde, hugging her, grateful and apologetic, but more relieved than anything, more loved, more loving… happier, sadder, lighter…

Warmer.

She would anticipate the day, they both would, the day Akko could say ‘I love you ‘ and have no worries, no ‘but’s , or problems, no ‘sorry’s behind it.

And they could wait forever.

Diana and Akko.

The two of them entered the gates hand in hand, teary smiles, dopey faces, blushing and embarrassed, but feeling so warm as they returned to the dorms.

Tomorrow would be another day.

It would be a fresh start for everything, even for them.

They were so happy that they might lose sleep, but they hardly cared.

It was time for a new warmth.

…

But-

…

They did not see the two pairs of eyes watching them from afar, icy and dark.

Eyes that spoke-

No.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

A/N: So no water form, but this time it was rain… still counts, right? Um… Sorry… for the quality drop… See you next time?

Like, comment, reblog? Review?

~Shintori Khazumi

#dianakko #A Warm Diana #lwa #little witch academia #diana cavendish #atsuko kagari #akko kagari #fanfic

58 notes · View notes

tayegi · 8 years ago

Note

Equilibrium is blowing my mind 😮😮😮 I never expected jungkook to suddenly turn into some possessive psycho jerk 😨😨 I really hope he gets his shit together. What the flying f*ck 😱😱😱 In fact It'd be cool if Jin suddenly showed up with food and The OC leaves that chaotic relationship for food 😂😂😂😂 EVRYONE WOULD PICK FOOD OVER RELATIONSHIPS. right ? Am i the only one lol *cries*

AHHHH THANK YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE FOR THEIR LOVELY ASKS!!! IT’S GOOD TO KNOW THAT PEOPLE CAN HAVE HEALTHY, NON-PROBLEMATIC REACTIONS TO GROSS, CONTROLLING MEN!

Anonymous said:Sorry for being late to the party lol, but I just read the new update of Equilibrium and I felt so fucking anxious and scared for the oc. I don't know how in the hell, some ppl find jungkook's actions hot when he is literally being psychotic and obsessive. Especially the part when he told her 'You'll regret it', he's basically threatening her there. It's obvious the whole relationship they have is toxic af and it only seems to be getting worse as time passes. Apart from that, have a nice day!

Anonymous said:OMG EQUILIBRIUM 11 Omg I still have goosebumps, like Jungkook was being so fucking possessive it scared the shit out of me. Even tho It was a shitty move for the oc to not attend his graduation, she still could had attended but that phone call... I don't want this to turn into some creepy murdering fanfic LOL. Ughhh Jungkook what is even going in your mind? I'll be looking forward to the next chapter! xx :)

Anonymous said:Dude, you did such a great job at writing o/c's anxiety in this chapter. I try not to be bias toward her, but it's really hard since the story us in her pov. I got seriously grossed out by JK, man. I was so uncomfortable with the whole morning ordeal. 😩 And his threat at the end?? I know it's a story, but I had my friend-instincts kick in and I just wanted to shake her and be like "PLEASE LEAVE THIS RN PLEASE" (1)

Anonymous said:(2) And I'm curious about how Jimin would react if he knew how JK was acting. He has this idea that JK is a perfect boy, but if only he knew...But, at the same time, they all have this distorted view of one another, huh? We see Jimin as Mr. Perfect cause that's how o/c sees him. I guess it goes into that whole "unreliable narrator" thing? I'm just writing what thoughts the chapter has provoked. I absolutely love how u pay attention to detail in this story!! Awesome job as usual, mane 😊🙆

Anonymous said:Jungkook needs to take a moment to realize how miserable and uncomfortable the OC is like my goodness. Things have gone waaaaaay downhill. Especially for the OC. Also Jungkook actions are just kind of creepy??? And just like so unhealthy. I know it can be really hard to get out of a relationship, and she still loves Jimin and all, but the OC needs to just get out of there.

Anonymous said:omg jk is becoming such a possessive creep like reading the last part gave me chills tbh. they all need to realize that this relationship is v toxic and dip out of it. i kind of expected this to become what it is from the beginning but you still added twists to it that caught me off guard, thanks for being a great writer lu

Anonymous said:oh man that last chapter. just really fucking scary.... i went back and reread the end of ch.10 to recap and it makes me wonder how far y/n's willing to go for what's "worth it" in exchange for her own personal well being. because fuck, what jungkook is exhibiting is extremely concerning. as always your writing is amazing! thank you for using your free time this way, i'm sorry people are being gross and rude. you don't deserve that kinda shit, lu :(

Anonymous said:I genuinely love how you describe the OC as a trapped bird, and seeing how Jungkook reacted to everything is actually causing me to fear for the OC's well-being. I just want her to exist the whole relationship and just hook up with sunshine, can do no wrong hobi instead of the possessive junglecock and the passive Jimin :/ just my thoughts. But you're an extremely talented writer and your PhD is more important than smutty fanfic, so take all the time you need

Anonymous said:Ok first of all what the hell at ppl asking u for quick updates cuz ive lived with phd students they literally have a never ending to do list and im so amazed at ur ability to find time to write unbelievable. U go girl. And 2ndly, the claustraphobia u mentioned that oc was feeling. That was so detailed and even i felt like i was in her place. And jk..uve characterized his possessiveness so well and i got so mad forgetting this was a fictional character i was ready to throw a chair

Anonymous said:eek jungkook is making the equilibrium relationship so unhealthy somebody punch him

Anonymous said:Jungkook makes me so uncomfortable and I can actually feel the claustrophobia that OC feels .-. Overall, really excited for the next parts and can't wait to reread to see if I can find more theories. Thanks for the new chapter!

Anonymous said:ch 11... HOLY FUCK SHE NEED TO GET OUT JK IS LOONEY!! you really know how to make a story really good dude. super excited for updates!! i'm really curious about jimin's thought process about all of this. you've given a really good insight on kook and oc but jimin is still a little hard for me to figure out, i assume that's coming soon? i feel for oc, i want to protect her and tell her she's stronger and smarter than all of this. she's worth more than all of this craziness!!! GIRL POWER!! lol

Anonymous said:Holy fucking shit everything is so messed up in equilibrium like !! I love it and at the same time i cry because of the way you describe the oc's feelings I SWEAR I CAN FEEL IT TOO HOW DO YOU DO THAT? I can feel everything, my heart is pounding so fast now. Im so into it and i just want her to run away from this toxic relationship and take care of herself first like i know she loves jimin to the core but she is more important my heart clenches at every exquisite word you writE THANK YOU SO MUCH

Anonymous said:The story is really great I love how original your writing is I don't even see the characters as Jm an jk Which allows me to see how disgusting they all let themselves be treated in the relationship, a lot of the times I feel like readers are blinded by the image of an idol it changes their perspective honestly even if it was just one person who was lying about loving the other it would still be just as horrible I'm really curious as to what's even going on and how you are going to continue it❤️

ahmie-cat said:I feel so sad for the oc in equilibrium. Jungkook don't own nobody! How dare he claim ownership on the oc! I will fight him any day! I'll fight for the oc's freedom rights. Lols, just kidding... But really all of the characters are so sad...

Anonymous said:Honestly in the earlier chapters i really liked Jungkook but now hes just scaring me. The way the OC reacts to all his actions is so relatable thats exaclty how I would feel in her situation. This is crazy I dont even know how this fic would end I love it so much

Anonymous said:I was the anon who recommended you watch wfkbj and I'm so glad you like it!! :) ALSO the latest chapter of equilibrium was so good oh my god;; it's just ramping up like tenfold and while I was reading it sometimes I just had to stop and take a breather bc of all the tension lol. Honestly I don't even know how the oc is dealing with jungkook rn bc his behavior would chill me to the very bone I would have to get out !!! Anyways as always thank you for updating

Anonymous said:ah goodness, it was autocorrect that changed jungkook to jongkook! maybe next time i'll just use jinglebook to refer to him instead thens ahahahah. "goodness gracious, jinglebook is hella possessive that i'm actually really scared for y/n :s"

Anonymous said:GIRL THANK YOU FOR UPDATING OMG IM SHAKING IN MY CHANKLAS JUNGKOOK IS SO DELUSIONAL AND I WISHED OC WOULDVE BEEN STRAIGHT UP WITH HIM AND LIKE IDK NOT MILK ON HIS CRAZYNESS IM JUST SO ANXIOUS TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT SORRY FOR TYPING IN CAPS

Anonymous said:So, uh. Equilibrium Jungkook is fucking terrifying....

Anonymous said:I hope the oc in equilibrium leaves the relationship. It's so unhealthy and I feel like she might develop some type of mental illness or just be very stressed and anxious if she continues the relationship.... It's just a fanfic, but man, i'd hate to be in her position... I feel like crying Lols. Is this what you intended?? Haha.... It's really good so far I'm looking forward to what happens next. I feel like there'll be a good moral to the story. *Fingers crossing.

Anonymous said:Damn wtf jungkook behavior is freaking me out 😳 "you'll regret it" like wtf crazy people say shit like that

Anonymous said:jkzldlzlldz TF IS HAPPENING I'M SO CONFUSED JK IS CRAZY WTF OMG

Anonymous said:the characters in equilibrium seem to have never been in an actual proper relationship so the fact that they seem to have lasted this long is by sheer miracle. It's also probably why their worst aspects are even more apparent like jk's obsessiveness (which btw yikes boy yikesss) they literally all need to walk far far away from each other cause they a mess but I do wonder who's gonna be the first to do it cause it's all so complicated now, sorry for rambling I just love this fic so much!!

Anonymous said:What the ever loving monkey fuck is wrong with Jungkook. See, i was okay with him being jealous of Jimin because that's normal. I was moderately okay with OC agreeing to Jungkook's terms because she wants to stay with Jimin. I AM NOT OKAY with his sociopathic tendencies and how obsessive he's become. I think he's mistaken OCs genuine kindness for romantic interest at one point. And the thing that scares me the most is how Jimin seems to have no idea what's going on right under his nose as well

Anonymous said:Bruhhhh jungkook is legit fucking scary but the story itself is amazing and complex im gonna reread it right now

Anonymous said:Equilibrium is getting really interesting!! I'm kinda worried tht ppl read sentences like "Even a domesticated pet needs a taste of freedom" in context with her just /looking/ at jimin and think 'oh how romantic' tho. In every scene between her and jk u can practically feel her discomfort and fear and his possessiveness and how he's abusing her. I would normally stop reading a fic like tht bc I don't like it when the ppl are written like that bc they are real after all but I'm super hooked (1/2)

Anonymous said:(2/2)now and I am also really curious as to if and how they all are gonna get out of that situation or if jk kills her before they can just bc she takes care of a literally puking-everywhere-bedridden jimin. I'm also curious how Jimin is gonna act towards y/n now that they're alone and if he even noticed the toxic stuff that's happening between her and jk or if he didn't even notice bc jk kept him "happy" (idk how else to put it) so yeah. Keep up the great work!! Have a nice day xx

Anonymous said:GURL YOU NEED TO RUN FAST AND YOU NEED TO RUN FAR. It sucks that Jimin doesn't like OC romantically, but he's just using you to stay with JK. But JK... that shit is gonna hit the roof soon soon and it ain't gonna be pretty @.@

Anonymous said:Hey Lu, thanks for taking the time to update again~ Regarding the story...Jungkook is incredibly terrifying, like I had to step away a few times as I read because I just want the reader to leave so badly. I wish she would just be like "peace out". Everyone should just leave this situation and say "peace out". Even though I know the feelings are so complicated between all of them, it's just such a shit show on fire :( . Well done on setting everything up though. The tension is insane!

Anonymous said:Ugh I honestly want to slap Jungkook so hard. Possessive little shit.. As always your writing is amazing. Thank you for the update.

Anonymous said:OC, JIMINS DICK ISNT WORTH AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP GTFO THAT SITUATION GIRL IM SCREAMING

Anonymous said:JEONS FUCKED IN THE HEAD. HE WAS CUTE AND ALL AT FIRST BUT THEN IDK GIRL, I FEEL SORRY FOR JIMIN AND OC. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS HAPPENING ALL I KNOW IS I LOVE THIS AND I CERTAINLY LOVE YOU! IS HE PSYCHOTIC THO? FEELS LIKE JEON WOULD KILL ANYONE WHO DARE TO TOUCH OC..

mirajoey said:MY GAWDD!! Jeon Jungkook has gone mad😱 i pray for oc's safety

Anonymous said:i am terrified by jungkook's actions and NOTHING in this whole damn world is going to excuse what he is saying and doing in equilibrium. WHERE IS YOONGI DITCH THEM ALL Y/N AND GO FOR YOONGI. and today, i have been going through some really misogynic shit today and it felt so freaking uncomfortable and i was so angry and kind of frightened...i do not know how y/n is able to act like a normal person with jungkook around who is being very possessive and psycho-like

Anonymous said:When I first saw you updated Equilibrium I almost yelled "IMMA BUST MY LEFT NUT" (I was really excited lol) and now I'm lying here in a puddle of emotion really scared for the OC lol. I adore your writing so much, thank you for writing these xx

Anonymous said:JEON YOU CREEP. Man this is all such a disaster BUT I LOVE TO WATCH THE DRAMA UNFOLD. Anyways it was a great chapter and I am so e x c i t e for the next part to start. You da best 😆

Anonymous said:This is what your writing does to people, this is literally the only time I've ever dislike Jungkook that much in a fic. I wanted the OC and Jungkook together, but now I really thing all 3 should go their separate ways. Jungkook's possessiveness is getting too much, it's too obsessive. I feel sorry for her, but at the same time her own fault as well. As for Jimin who knows he may not be as oblivious as we think ?! He is using the OC to get with Jungkook in the first place.

Anonymous said:Equilibrium OC should just pack her fckin' bags there is no happy way out of this one

Anonymous said:(1/3) Right before I read this I watched this British PSA music video about abusive relationships, where a pregnant woman was choked to death by her boyfriend as she was trying to leave him and I feel like these people who romanticize these types of relationships forgot that this actually happens IRL. This happens to real women and men and some of them don't make it out alive. And when they try to defend it by saying "it's just a story, it's not real" it's very real for some people.

Anonymous said:(2/3) And the fact that the OC is having trouble sleeping and feeling this anxiety. And the that Jungkook didn't fell any sympathy/empathy for Jimin while he was ill, it just doesn't sit well with me. And the OC isn't innocent either. So afraid to shatter what's left of the already crumbling illusion she's built up. The need to keep the fantasy of this relationship with Jimin that I'm not sure existed outside of her mind. I really do enjoy this story and how you portray the characters.

Anonymous said:(3/3) The isolated relationships between the three of them is very realistic. I've seen some of my close friends go through similar situations. And it's hard to get out once you're in.Anonymous said:I cant believe anyone in their right mind is sympathizing with Jungkook in Equilibrium?! The way he is with Y/N makes me so uncomfortable, esp with his “You’re all mine” crap and being so “in love” with her when all he wants is to have her under his control even tho he thinks it’s love. Jimin too, the way he’s down to have Y/N in the relationship since JK wants her but she wants Jimin.. also I’m glad ur fanfics exist since they can give some girls a perspective on what’s NOT okay and NOT love

Anonymous said:' And if I find out you let someone else touch what's mine... you'll regret it' - I kept on reading this over and over but each time it makes me cringe more, the fact that he constantly calls her 'mine' is so fucking off, like as a kookier Stan in rl , I felt really bad for jungkook but now I find it so hard, this relationship is taking a big twist that I did not see coming and it's getting abusive real quick.

Anonymous said:(Cont last) I stood firm in my decision. On the last day that we talked, he finally understood why. It was only then he realized his mistakes, only then did he cry & apologize for everything. He tried to convince me to give him a chance but the time for that has already passed. We are officially over. I loved the guy, you know? and deep down, I know there's good in there. But I can't risk my heart and soul anymore. I'm sorry this has gone out of topic, I just needed to get it off my chest.

Anonymous said:(Cont.) When he got mad at me for one minor thing, he will accuse me of cheating and call me demeaning words. Our relationship was always on his terms. I was always the one apologizing & making an effort to make him happy. I paid for all our dates. Just wow, I'm stupid. After a fight early Feb, I got tired of it all. I broke up with him and that process took 7 fucking days in which he tried to convince that my reasoning was wrong and that he was right. My gut feeling was telling me to leave.

Anonymous said:just finished reading ch 11... yikes. like YIKES. oh my, I'm honestly very worried and scared for the oc. reading it actually made me anxious and nervous lol. that relationship is a nightmare oh sweetie no, she needs to leave asap

Anonymous said:(Cont. Part 3) I felt caged. I always had to inform where I was, who I'm with, are there guys going to be at the event I'm going to. If there were guys, he didn't want me to go. I couldn't even get a regular update from him where he was and couldn't check on his phone. As I said, I was being stupid. I tolerated all of his bullshit. When you're in an abusive relationship, you won't realize it immediately. He'll come off sweet and only wanting to protect you and your relationship.

Anonymous said:(Cont. Part 2) to the red flags he showed early in the relationship. He didn't want to me talk to any guy who wasn't a family and asked me to delete all the guys in my Facebook account. Stupid me did so because I believed him when he said that "It's not because I don't trust you, it's because I don't trust the people around you." I stayed loyal to him but he was always paranoid that I was cheating on him. When we broke up, I learned he was talking to lots of girls that's why he was so paranoid.

Anonymous said:I got curious and read Equilibrium. All I can say is whoa! The anxiety and fear that I felt was so visceral; it made me fill ill. I've recently broken up with my ex, who was like that - subtly emotionally and mentally abusive. I am fairly young, naive, and inexperienced in relationships. I had a low self-esteem. Growing up I felt that I was unattractive and no one would like me. He was the first guy to really pursue me and I guess I was so hungry for love and affection that I turned a blind eye

Anonymous said:oc's anxiety is getting worst in equal... 😞 i hope she gets out soon. i agree, SEND IN MAMA JIN! lol kook is getting crazier each chapter i'm getting scared for her well being 😟☹️😦. SHES WORTH MORE THAN THIS CRAZINESS!! 💔 side note, thank you for sticking to it, i know it's not easy. and thank you for updating. i always look forward to your work ❤

withlove-sydney said:Tbh I was worried that this story was gonna take a disturbing turn after jk revealed that he was purposely trying to keep jimin away in chpt 10 and this chapter just confirmed how toxic he is. I agree with that other person tho I'm glad that you're the one writing this because I trust that you won't try to romanticize this at all. My ex was really possessive like jk and its not cute or sexy at all. I ended up so scared of him and when I see similar things in fics it gives me chills...

btsninetyfiveline said:I just want to say thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for the relationship you're portraying in Equilibrium! It's soooooooo important to have stories that show abuse and possessiveness in an unhealthy light! I'm so tired of these "you looked at another guy for 5 seconds in the club so now I'm gonna take you home and show you who you 'belong' to" narratives. It's so important to address and educate young girls on signs of an emotionally manipulative relationship! 💕

Anonymous said:Hi Lu :) how are you? I love how you put out your stories unexpectedly, its always a pleasant surprise. Chapter 11 is so well-written (like all your work ofc).You set up the suffocating atmosphere perfectly with images and metaphors, like Oc's suffer is so real. I am really concerned about oc's mental health... in this chapter we see that she isn't in a good place and I am scared of what is yet to come. Thank you for your hard work. xo

Anonymous said:After reading chap 11, i feel so bad for the oc. Even reading about jk's possessiveness/threats makes me feel suffocated ;-; Though I'm excited for what's going to happen after he leaves for his trip hmm.... once again thank you for the update, Lu! :-) I'm really loving the pace of the story so far.

anonymouspseudonymous said:There's this anon that said "this ain't your ordinary fic where they all compromise and be happy" and i cannot agree more. Although, even if I get it that people hate JK for being cray, you have to punch Jimin as well hahaha idk man this is fucked

Anonymous said:I'm reading ch11 of equilibrium and the part where she wants to touch jimins face but jungkook has a tight grip on her wrist restricting her from doing so is so symbolic of their relationship and how she wants jimin so badly but jungkook is holding her back from him almost keeping her hostage in a way. Anyways I really enjoyed this part it gave me goosebumps so thank you for sharing your work with us even though you don't have to! You owe us nothing so I appreciate everything you give us💓💞💖💕

Anonymous said:I'm glad you don't tolerate the bullshit that jungkook isnt as bad as the protagnonist. People need to hear that that shit is toxic and manipulative. People are brainwashed into thinking it's romantic and okay. When it's absolutely not. No the protagonist isn't free of fault but she isn't being obsessively creepy.

Anonymous said:I think people tend to gloss over the fact that it IS an obsession (unhealthy and actually rather terrifying) and not actual "love" because they like the idea of someone doing anything to stay with them. But even in wanting to stay with someone, there have to be limits. You shouldn't end up losing yourself to someone if they want you as a person, not as just an object or a way to get what they want. There is a line between devotion and obsession, and people seem to ignore that all too often.

#equilibrium #beautiful ppl #jungkookfortunekookies #lu answers

17 notes · View notes