#Sirius Black x reader angst

[shakespearean-simp]

pov: whenever snape trashes james

j: you talk smack about me? i'll smack you! i'll shove these antlers where the sun don't shine! *angry deer noises*

[maybcnksgf]

I love love love your writting. can you do an enemies to lovers Sirius Black one shot? idk like make it hella dramatic, like fighting in the rain n then they kiss, or like a truth or dare n they have to kiss or sum. again love u sm have a good day stay healthy

— amortentia ; sirius black x fem!hufflepuff!reader 𐙚

☆

summary: one thing about you is that you could not stand sirius black. one thing about sirius black is that he could not stand you.

warnings: swearing, drinking, james is an arse in this sorry :,(

a/n: hi my lovely, thank you so so much for the compliment & the request! i'm so flattered that u love my writing. i love YOU and i hope this did ur idea justice! <3 i also decided to make the reader a hufflepuff in this cause i thought it'd be a cute lil asset, hope u don't mind!

check out my masterlist & send in any requests <3

One thing about you is that you could not stand Sirius Black.

Everybody seemed to love him. Not just the students, but teachers too; even Professor McGonagall couldn't hide her smirk behind her hand when she often gave him a good scolding.

Really, the only one of the four marauders you could stand was Remus Lupin. Peter Pettigrew was okay, though he was far too much of a tag-a-long for your liking, and James Potter was practically Sirius' right hand man. Remus was your Potions partner and he was, admittedly, as much of a sweetheart as a marauder could get, often helping you study and walking you back to your common room when he caught you asleep in the library during his prefect rounds (which only happened once... or maybe twice).

"They're not so bad," he promised you one Potions class, watching for your reaction with a sheepish grin as Sirius and James messed with Snape's potion at the back of the room. "They're actually really nice once you, y'know, get to know them."

"Nice?" you questioned him, scoffing out a laugh and grimacing at the sound of Sirius' laughter bellowing through the classroom. "Need I remind you what Sirius did to me in third year?"

"I know, I know! But he's changed, Y/N, honestly! He's more... mature?"

Even Remus couldn't quite believe the words that had just left his mouth as you both watched the boy in question actually spit into Severus' cauldron. "Oh yeah, Rem, so mature."

One thing about Sirius Black is that he could not stand you.

He'd always believed what he did to you in your third year was harmless, something that would be forgotten within a month or two and not to be dwelled on. He knew you harboured a secret little crush on him at the time, so he figured... why not?

He really did mean it when he asked you out, though. Sure, he didn't know you too well; you were really just another Hufflepuff that he shared some classes with. But Remus seemed to like you, so he figured it could at least be a good way to make a new friend if nothing else.

"Hey."

You looked up from your book on Herbology at the rude interruption, and of all the people you were expecting to be standing before you, you were surprised at the sight of Sirius Black. You cleared your throat awkwardly, willing the immediate blush to disappear from your cheeks. "Hi?"

It came out as more of a question than you intended it to, but he grinned at you nonetheless and your face felt warm, was it warm in there?

You did a quick scan of the library in search of any of his smug little friends, but you saw no one. Just him.

He didn't wait for an invitation before pulling out the chair beside you and sitting down, still grinning ear to ear. "You free Saturday?"

You couldn't help but raise your eyebrows in surprise, your yellow tie suddenly feeling far too restrictive around your neck as you somehow managed to splutter out a "yes". Sirius pulled a bouquet of flowers out from behind his back (pink and white roses) and offered them to you with the same lopsided grin. "Meet me at the Three Broomsticks? Two o'clock?"

The only problem was... James had gotten into his head.

That same afternoon, Sirius entered his dorm with an air of confidence, not dissimilar to usual, but he had a different sort of spring in his step.

Remus and James were sat on their respective beds. The former looked up at him over his book and raised a single eyebrow, clearly noticing something different about his entrance, though James didn't look up from the Quidditch magazine he was reading and paid no mind.

"Afternoon, boys," he announced, his voice dripping with glee as he crashed down onto his bed.

"Afternoon, Pads," Remus responded, a curious tone to his voice as he kept his eyebrow raised. "What's gotten into you today?"

"Scored a date," he said, far too matter-of-factly for the grin he was still sporting. "With Y/N."

Remus' book fell shut on the ground with a thud, jaw dropped open and lost for words as James finally cocked an eyebrow. "Who's that?"

"Y/N L/N. Y'know, the Hufflepuff girl in our Potions class?"

"And Herbology, and Charms," Remus finally composed himself, now staring at Sirius with a pointed look, well aware of his friend's... reputation. "Look, Pads. I know she likes you, but you have to be careful about this. Y/N is my friend, and I don't want to see you hurt her."

James suddenly barked out a laugh, finally dropping his magazine as he engaged in the conversation. "Be careful? There's nothing to be careful about, Moony. As if Sirius is actually going to go on a date with a Hufflepuff. Don't embarrass yourself like that, Padfoot."

"Don't be such a dick, Prongs," Remus spat, tossing a cushion at his mate and hitting him square in the head. "She's my friend."

Sirius said nothing.

So the next Saturday rolled around and you arrived at the Three Broomsticks at five minutes to two. Though, five minutes to two became two o'clock, which became two thirty, which became three, which soon became four.

And Sirius never showed.

The next day at breakfast, you'd found him, slapped him across the face, threw the bouquet of pink and white roses back at him and left without a word.

Sirius Black did not like to be publicly humiliated. He decided there and then that he wanted nothing else to do with you.

It wasn't until your sixth year rolled around that Remus realised things were changing.

Gryffindor had just won their first match of the season against Slytherin and, as usual, there was a huge party in their common room.

You weren't much of a partier, usually preferring to stay in the comfort of your dorm with a book that you and Remus were bound to discuss within the next few days. Of course, you'd attend the parties when Hufflepuff won, but you were never one to join in with the other houses.

Although he knew this, Remus Lupin had a plan.

He was beginning to grow sick of the constant complaining on both sides of his friends. It was always "Come on, Moony, she's so bloody weird" or "Look at him, Remus, how on earth can you stand to be friends with him?" and, quite frankly, he'd had enough.

He loved the marauders, of course; they were his best friends, his brothers. But he also loved you, and though he knew that Sirius' young and dumb actions in third year hurt you, he really wasn't lying when he said he'd changed.

Yes, Sirius would call you weird or strange or annoying to his friends, but Remus knew he was deflecting. He saw the way something in his eyes changed when he watched you enter Platform 9 3/4 on the first day of your fifth year. He saw the way he'd been secretly pining over you for the last year.

Likewise, he knew the same went for you too. No matter how badly he hurt you, your feelings for Sirius never really left. He saw the way your gaze lingered on his friend for just a little bit too long. He knew the way you shook your head and muttered "what a dick" under your breath every time you looked away was a cover up.

The party in the Gryffindor common room was in full swing by the time Remus convinced you to join him. It had taken a lot of begging and a fair few promises to buy you more books before you agreed, and you found yourself awkwardly at Remus' side as you entered through the portrait hole.

It wasn't long until James had found his friend and immediately tugged him away. Remus tried to fight it but found him impossible, shooting you an apologetic smile before you lost sight of him. You made a mental note to demand another promise of more books when you found him again.

You accepted defeat and made your way over to the drinks table, in need of at least something before you inevitably called it a night early and headed back to the comfort of your own common room.

Smoothing the fabric of your dress down, you suddenly felt very out of place in the yellow and white floral fabric, but an unfortunately familiar voice snapped you out of your thoughts before you got too caught up in them.

"L/N?"

You immediately snapped your head up and fought the urge to roll your eyes at the source of the voice. "Black."

Sirius seemed surprised at your presence, his eyebrows raised and an interesting sort of smirk gracing his features as he looked down at you. "And what exactly are you doing here?"

"Remus invited me," you kept your answers short, trying to slow your rapidly beating heart as you reached for the firewhiskey and flashed him a sarcastic smile. "Is that a crime?"

"No." His smirk only grew, seemingly amused at your snap back as he kept his eyes on you. "Not a crime at all, love."

He knew what he was doing. How dare he try and flirt with you now after what he did before.

"Don't call me that," your response came immediately and you felt yourself trying to fight the shiver that was so desperate to creep down your spine. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a party to enjoy and somebody to stay far away from."

That was an hour ago now, and since then you had already downed way too many cups of firewhiskey for your body to handle. You were so set on trying to avoid Sirius that you tried to make yourself forget he was even there at all.

An hour became two and Sirius ended up finding you back at the drinks table again, barely even holding yourself up as you tried to pour yourself a cup of whatever alcohol was nearest to you. Sirius, though definitely not sober, was painfully so compared to you, and he watched in slight amusement as you managed to get more of the liquid on your dress than in the cup.

"You alright over there?" His voice snapped you out of your pitiful concentration and in turn made you jump, even more of the liquid spilling down you when you did.

"Hello, Sirius," you responded, turning to look at him with a big smile and almost stumbling into his chest, causing him to wrap his arms around you as he caught you.

In your clouded state of mind, you couldn't for the life of you remember that you're supposed to hate this guy, and instead only found memories of the longing gazes when you racked your mind. You'd regret this tomorrow; you most certainly could not handle your drink.

"Hello, Y/N," Sirius raised his eyebrows at your state as he answered you, still amused as he copied your tone of voice. "You look like you've had enough."

You gasped as if he had just suggested you were You-Know-Who himself. "I have not!"

Despite your best efforts, your words came out slurred and Sirius knew Remus would not be happy that you're left out here alone in this state. He cast a quick glance around the common room but couldn't find a single glimpse of his mate in the crowd, and he let out a quiet curse under his breath.

I'm supposed to hate her, he thought to himself, letting his eyes fall back on your smiling face. She embarrassed you Sirius, shoved a bouquet of bloody roses at you in front of the entire Great Hall to see. But why did she have to grow up and be so bloody pretty?

"Let's get you back to your common room, yeah?" He suggested, gently taking the cup from you and placing it back down on the table.

He admittedly felt bad for you. Remus was nowhere to be found and he couldn't just let you get all the way back to the Hufflepuff common room by yourself in this state. You're just being a decent guy, Sirius, he told himself again. You'd do this for anyone.

You either didn't seem to hear him or his words didn't register in your brain, because when he placed a hand on the small of your back to carefully lead you through the crowd and back through the portrait hole, you only spoke with a grin.

"Are we going on a walk?"

"Yeah, love. We're going on a walk." Sirius couldn't help but chuckle at your reaction, but deep down he felt a little tense. With the state you were in, anyone could've taken advantage of you, and he was glad he found you before anyone else did. Maybe it was the little bit of firewhiskey still running through his veins, but Merlin, Black, the fuck is wrong with you tonight?

The walk back to the Hufflepuff common room was slow and quiet, and Sirius ended up wrapping an arm around your shoulders and taking most of your weight against him to stop your constant stumbling.

Once you'd reached the portrait, you muttered the password and allowed Sirius to half-carry you through, still not completely aware of what was going on, and the pair of you only stopped when you reached the bottom of the stairs leading to the girls' dormitories.

He'd never been in this part of the castle before, and he couldn't stop the small smile that graced his lips when he noticed it smelt like a lovely mixture of flowers and freshly baked cookies.

You turned to face him once you reached the stairs and something suddenly clicked in your drunken mind.

"Sirius? Is that you?!"

He chuckled quietly again and nodded his head, raising his eyebrows with an amusement smile. "Yeah, it's me. You're back in your common room now, yeah?"

You took a moment to process his words through the thick fog clouding your brain and nodded your head, still smiling too before looking down at your dress. Your smile fell into a sad frown. "Oh no, it's ruined! It was so pretty!"

The boy in front of you took notice at the alcohol stains on your dress and shrugged his shoulders. "It's still pretty. I mean, you look pretty. I mean-"

If you did notice him stumbling over his words and the blush that rose to his warm cheeks, you didn't show it (though Sirius doubted very much that you did notice in your state). You simply smiled again, turning away from Sirius without another word as you all but skipped up the stairs.

It wasn't until he neared the portrait hall to leave again that he heard your quiet little drunken giggle. "Sirius Black thinks I'm pretty."

That was months ago now and you and Sirius hadn't even uttered a word to each other about that night.

Actually, if it was possible, you started avoiding each other more.

You were finally starting to admit to yourself that you had feelings for Sirius Black, but that scared you. How could you fall for him again after he stood you up in your third year? He left you there for two hours, your single butterbeer looking pathetic in front of you as Madame Rosmerta shot you sympathetic smiles from behind the counter every now and again.

You hadn't been in there since.

Little did you know, Sirius was avoiding you for exactly the same reason.

Okay, perhaps he was a little embarrassed to admit that he liked you. James was a dick that day three years ago and, although Sirius knew the both of them had matured since then, he couldn't help but worry his best friend just wouldn't approve. He knew deep down that James, especially now older, would just want him to be happy, but he was scared.

Remus had been so angry with him when he stood you up that he was also scared to face him again. Would he even believe him or force him to stay away from you for your own wellbeing?

The rain was pelting down heavily in early February as you trudged into Professor Slughorn's Potions class. The castle at this time of year was sickening, with pink and red paper hearts hovering over your heads in the hallways and fluttering around the tables in the Great Hall as Valentine's Day drew closer.

Even your professors had taken on the Valentine's theme, and you couldn't help but groan as you gathered around Slughorn's desk with the other Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors.

"Amortentia," the professor announced, and a group of Gryffindors standing behind you giggled to themselves. "The most powerful love potion in the world. If brewed correctly, the scent will be different to everyone according to what attracts them."

James Potter scoffed on the other side of the crowd and whispered something in Sirius' ear. The latter laughed loudly, pulling the attention of everyone in the room.

"Mr Black?" Slughorn spoke through the boy's laughter, keeping his calm demeanour. "Perhaps, since you find this so amusing, you'd like to demonstrate for us?"

"Don't mind if I do, sir," Sirius just laughed again and made his way through the group, going to stand by the professor with a cocky smirk. "I bet it's just a load of old bollocks anyway."

"Well, I suppose we'll find out, Mr Black. Tell us what you smell, won't you?"

You watched as Sirius leant over the cauldron and you took a moment to take in his appearance. His shirt was untucked and unbuttoned a quarter of the way, his red and gold tie hanging loosely around his neck, and though you willed it not to, your heart couldn't help but flutter slightly.

At that moment, you realised that, if Slughorn was right, Sirius was about to reveal the scent of the one he loved.

"Smells like..." his voice pulled you from your thoughts as he took in the scent of the potion, "vanilla, fresh cookies, and..."

He trailed off, and his eyes suddenly flicked up to meet yours, an unreadable expression on his face as he muttered quietly.

"And, uh, roses."

Whether it was the intensity of Sirius' gaze or the fact that everybody had turn round to look at you that made you storm out of the Potions classroom, you couldn't be sure.

Not even the heaviness of the rain could stop you as you tried to get as far away from the castle as possible. What the fuck just happened?

"Y/N?"

You shook your head, refusing to turn around as you continued walking. "Leave me alone, Sirius."

"Y/N, please-"

"I don't want to talk to you right now."

"Merlin's beard, L/N, would you stop and listen to me for one bloody second!"

He'd caught up to you now, throwing himself in front of you to stop you on your course. You'd almost crashed into his chest, and Sirius suddenly remembered how you'd done the same thing at that party four months ago.

"Sirius, please-" you begged quietly, trying to push past him.

You didn't get very far as he gently grabbed your elbow and brought you back in front of him. "No, Y/N, we're going to talk. For the first time, we're going to bloody talk."

"About what, Black? What could you possibly want to talk to me about? You haven't wanted to talk to me for the last three years, why start now?!"

He couldn't help it as his voice raised slightly, and you watched him grab at his dripping wet hair in frustration. "I just openly admitted my feelings for you in front of the entire fuckin' class and you won't even talk to me!"

"Because it's bullshit, Sirius!"

Sirius stopped at this, his eyebrows furrowing as he shook his head slightly. "What the bloody hell do you mean?"

"This is just another one of your plans to humiliate me, just like you did three years ago. I'm not falling for it this time."

Successfully this time, you pushed past him, shoulders brushing together as you did. He tried to grab your wrist to pull you back but you shook it out of his grip and continued walking away from him again.

"Y/N-"

"No."

"Y/N, come on-"

"I said no, Sirius."

"Y/N, I fucking love you!"

His words halted you in place. Neither of you spoke for a moment, and the only sounds you could hear was the violent pattering of the rain and his heavy breathing.

You shook your head slowly, not even turning around to face him. "You can't. You can't do this shit to me, Sirius."

"Why not? It's true!"

His words dripped with exasperation. He seemed desperate now, his body moving back in front of you again and Godric, were those just raindrops on your face or had you been crying too?

"Sirius, I can't- I can't let myself be hurt by you again," your voice cracked slightly as you refused to look at him, feeling your throat clog pathetically. "I liked you. I really bloody liked you and when you stood me up I was so humiliated."

Something in his face softened at your words, and his voice grew quieter. "Y/N, I didn't know-"

"I haven't been on a single date since, Sirius. I can't let anyone even attempt to get close to me like that because every time they do I think they're just gonna stand me up anyway, because that's what Sirius Black did. Do you have any idea how much it hurts to fall in love with you when-"

But suddenly all words were forgotten as his lips were on yours.

Sirius' hands were now on your waist, pulling you impossibly closer. He tasted faintly of cigarettes and some chocolate that was no doubt stolen from Remus, and it took a moment to process what was happening. But you kissed him back.

Godric, did you kiss him back.

It was a few moments later when you pulled away, his forehead finding place against yours. Neither of you spoke for a moment and your eyes took their time to flutter open, only to find him already looking at you.

"You love me, you said it yourself. Give me a chance," his voice came as a whisper, his breath fanning against your mouth as his eyes searched your features desperately.

You nodded your head breathlessly, your hands sliding up around his shoulders as you gave him a pathetically pointed look. "You pull that third year shit ever again and you're dead."

"I swear. Merlin, I swear."

You laughed quietly and Sirius broke out into a wide smile. The silence that took over you both was comfortable, the rain providing a settling background noise despite the cold that chilled your bones

"For the record, I would have smelled you too."

[thestoryofella]

telephone

summary: after a breakup with Sirius, allowing him to make a move to pursue his music dreams, you find yourself in an exciting game of telephone with his best mates, desperate to find out details of his new life. Unbeknownst to you, there are others involved in this game of telephone. 

warnings: slight angst (happy ending), fluff, miscommunication, two idiots, sfw mentions of sex, swearing

sirius black x reader ✿ 6016 words

Three weeks. That's how long Sirius and you had been broken up. And yet, every day still felt torturous. Your girlfriends had suggested that you try dating again, but you didn't think it was fair to the poor bloke on the other end for you to be so desperately hung up on your ex-boyfriend.

You still remember the day you two had broken up. Sirius had been pursuing music for a few years after graduation as a lead singer and had failed to succeed. It wasn't until a month ago that he'd come bursting through the doors of your shared apartment, saying, "I finally got a gig! Isn't that great?" At that moment, he'd hugged you so hard, peppering your faces with kisses, leaving you both blushing, giggly messes. That was the happiest you'd ever seen him after typically grueling auditions and gigs with low attendance.

It was great, honestly. You were so happy Sirius finally had the opportunity to pursue his dreams. However, what wasn't great was that the gig was in Scotland, with a well-known, but anonymous to you, rock band in Glasgow as their lead singer. You didn't want to ruin his initial excitement, so you'd kept your worries and fears about the location to yourself. When Sirius realized a seven-hour drive to Glasgow from your apartment and a full-time job in London was an issue, you two finally sat down to talk a week after he received the offer. 

He sat with you on your sofa, with cups of tea for you both. Your eyes were red and puffy, as you'd anticipated a breakup as soon as you two had agreed to discuss the upcoming move. After a two-hour-long discussion where Sirius had desperately tried to arrange to come on the weekends and subsequently realized the band schedule was unpredictable–not to mention he didn't have enough money to visit every weekend anyway–and you had realized you couldn't hold back the man you love from his dreams, you two tearfully agreed to call it quits for the sake of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Today was also the day that Sirius was leaving for Glasgow. Despite being broken up and not talking regularly, he had asked you to come to say goodbye to him at the train station. So, here you were, head buried in the crook of his neck, both his arms wrapped tightly around your waist, inhaling his scent of cigarettes, amber, and cedarwood as you said goodbye to the man you loved. You figured the level of this embrace wasn't appropriate for people who were "just friends" now, but who knows when you'd hug each other again. You hoped this wouldn't be the last time you'd inhale his scent or feel his embrace; you desperately wanted him to stay. You hoped he didn't see the tears on your cheeks as you waved goodbye from the train platform. 

♡ ♡ ♡ 

It had now been a month since Sirius left for Glasgow. You'd been doing okay, better than you initially thought possible. Your heart was still recovering from the heartbreak of a breakup, but you'd been going to work regularly and hanging out with your girlfriends to make up for the loneliness that came with being recently single. You were still sad deep down, but having good friends and a hectic, time-consuming job was a great distraction from heartbreak.

Tonight, you and your friends planned to go to a local bar that you used to frequent with Sirius for drinks and darts. You got ready quickly, picked out an outfit suitable for a bar, and styled your hair hurriedly. Just before you were about to leave, you felt a ding in your back pocket and read a text from your friends telling you that they had to cancel.

Sighing, you shoved your phone back into your pocket. "Just my luck," you muttered. You were excited to see your friends and have a few drinks, but it doesn't seem that will happen. Unless… you were already ready anyway, why not go to the bar to have fun alone? You quickly decided that was a great idea and left in a hurry to walk to the bar. You made haste and walked to the bar quickly, excited to have fun and admittedly get a little tipsy after a long week.

Although the bar was only six blocks away–relatively short for London standards–walking in heels left you with blisters when you reached the door. When you entered the bar, you sat on one of the stools near the bartender and ordered an old-fashioned, planning to get buzzed quickly.

After downing approximately four old-fashioned drinks–though you'd truthfully lost count–you were solidly tipsy and ready to socialize with the nearest human. You had probably looked a bit odd hunched over at the bar hammering drinks alone, but hey, desperate times call for desperate measures, and you'd consider a recent breakup and friend cancellation desperate times. At this point, you could feel the effects of alcohol buzzing through your system. You were warm, admittedly just slightly sloppy, delighted, and ready to socialize with some people.

Spinning around on your bar stool to face the crowd, you peered among people's faces, looking for fun, friendly girls and playing a game that made it easy to join. Scanning left to right, you stopped once you saw two familiar faces: James and Remus. Usually, one would think you'd hightail it out of the bar after seeing your recent ex's two best friends–perhaps it was liquid courage or sheer stupidity–but you decided to waltz over to their high-top table and plop down next to them as they played a game of cards.

Startled by your non-stealthy, loud, and frankly drunk movements, Remus and James looked up simultaneously to meet your loopy, dazed grin and an embarrassing spot of red lipstick on your teeth you were unaware of. "Hi Remus, hi James," you spoke excitedly, any ounce of social anxiety smothered with whiskey.

"Hi, Y/N, having a fun night?" James spoke first, quickly noticing your inebriated state. He sported a friendly smile but looked a bit shocked by your entrance. You knew Remus and James well. The possibility of them not being your friends after the breakup had been difficult and saddening. Remus and James frequently accompanied you to Sirius' smaller gigs in London, and all four of you often got drinks after the show ended. By the time you and Sirius had broken up, you had considered Remus and James good friends and assumed they felt the same way about you. 

"I'm having so much fun," you near-shouted excitedly, a broad smile overtaking your features. Remus and James laughed in response, eyes crinkling as they observed your enthusiastic state.

Pausing for a second, figuring out how to phrase his next question, Remus asked, "How are you doing? Especially after everything that happened, if you don't mind me being intrusive." He wore a smile, but as his eyes scanned your face and figure, you could tell he was trying to analyze how you'd been coping with the breakup outside the bar.

You sucked in a breath, the feeling of air expanding your lungs dulled from the liquor but grounding you nonetheless. Not expecting the sincere question, you pondered on it for a moment. You had been doing okay with the band-aid of your job and your friends keeping you busy. However, you weren't sure if you were doing okay because you felt okay about the breakup or hadn't given yourself enough time to process it.

After digging deep down to address the wound in your heart, you decided it was the latter. "I've been doing okay. I've kept myself busy with work and friends, but I miss him a lot," you answered truthfully. Before Sirius got the gig in Glasgow, your relationship was almost perfect. Aside from the typical small arguments here and there, you two were infatuated with each other. Your breakup was necessary, but it wasn't wanted from either side.

Remus nodded, understanding what you meant and probably even the context of it all due to his proximity to Sirius. James interrupted the heartfelt moment with his typically cheerful attitude. "Well, if you're looking for more distractions, you could join us for a round of cards!" Although enthusiastic, his offer came out unsure, wondering if you wanted distraction or comfort.

You laughed in response, touched by his effort to comfort you even though you and Sirius were no longer together. "I think that sounds nice," you answered with a soft smile.

And so, over a few hours, you, Remus, and James drank multiple beers, played numerous card games, and divulged in far too many details regarding your feelings about your and Sirius' recent breakup. You told them you didn't know when you'd be ready to start dating again, that you missed the social connection and physical intimacy from a romantic relationship, and that you didn't know how much longer you could ignore the feelings of a brutal breakup with work and friends. They listened empathetically despite the inappropriate nature of you divulging these details with your ex's closest friends.

The excellent news is that alcohol hadn't just loosened up your filter but also James' and Remus' filters. Sirius was notoriously private, so his social media was no help finding details about his new life in Glasgow. Most of his posts were for marketing purposes. However, Remus and James were evidently mouthy drunks, and throughout the evening, you'd find out that although Sirius had tried going on dates, he stopped because the heartbreak was still too raw. Serves him right. When James shared that with you, Remus kicked him a bit too obviously, James flinching from his foot hidden under the tabletop, but the damage was done, and the information was stored in your mind.

"How is the gig going?" you asked. Although you had been craving details of Sirius' dating life, you also wanted to know how he was doing after years of hard work and sought-out gigs.

"I think he's doing okay. He took over for a lead singer who had a baby and listed his leave as indefinite, though he said it's weird being the new one in a band who has been together and known each other for years." Remus answered, James, nodding along. You hadn't thought about the social awkwardness associated with joining a band so late after its formation, but it seemed Sirius was adjusting well.

Staring at the somewhat blurry clock on the wall, you realize it is almost 3 a.m. and far past your bedtime. Gathering your coat to brave the cold weather, you leaped up from the bar stool and stretched your sore limbs. "Well, I have to get going, but thanks for keeping me company tonight," you offered your thanks with a small smile.

Remus and James looked at the clock in response, gathering their jackets and cards after seeing the time. "No problem, we're glad to hear that you're doing well," James smiled at you, his eyes crinkling up. He was always so friendly.

Walking out of the bar alone in the frigid night air reminded you of your loneliness again. Perhaps the cold air was sobering, or maybe it reminded you how nice it was to hold Sirius' warm hand on frigid nights like this and how his constant teasing always made warm, boisterous laughs escape your mouth.

♡ ♡ ♡

When you woke up in your apartment the following day, you still had on your clothes from the night before, recalling how you stumbled into the door and promptly passed out on the bed. Remembering the events from before with James and Remus–although delighted by the information you received–you expected them to never talk to you again, and even worse, you expected Sirius to hear about your nosiness and subsequently block you too.

So that's why you were surprised to see a text in a brand new group chat with Remus and James that read, "Cards and beer again next weekend?"

And so it began. 

♡ ♡ ♡

The next time you met up with Remus and James, you had a lot of life updates. For one, after reminiscing about Sirius and you walking home from the bar, you decided to go on a date to get him off your mind. It went terribly wrong. You went out for dinner with one of your coworkers, Charles. You two had sat awkwardly together while you devoured a steak, barely making any conversation outside of eating noises and sipping drinks in an attempt to get rid of anxiety. When he walked you home, he very unsubtly tried to get you to invite him upstairs, and by the end of his efforts, you were convinced the only reason he went out with you was to end the night in your bedroom. Now, things are awkward at work, and you've decided you can never speak to him again.

Trying to date again only made you want to get back together with Sirius more; you wished that was possible. You missed the comfort of being in a relationship with someone who knew you like the back of their hand. It never felt like an effort to converse with Sirius, even when it took you too long to come up with a comeback to his constant banter. It also never felt nerve-wracking or scary to initiate hand-holding, embraces, or kisses, only sometimes when he looked exceptionally handsome.

You were also incredibly frustrated. You'd resorted to looking at one of Sirius' few fan pages as a more minor artist and had discovered he'd been on a date. You had no idea how it went, but it dampened your mood nonetheless. Hypocritical? Yes. True? Also yes.

When you found yourself sitting across from Remus and James with the same beer as last time, lazily playing cards and more focused on conversation, you told them just that. Most people probably would feel stupid indulging in such personal endeavors to their ex-boyfriend's friends–you probably should feel more stupid doing so–but your friends are so busy, and you can't keep your tragic dating life to yourself anymore.

"And get this, after practically ignoring me the entire date and asking me to split the bill, he asked if he could come upstairs with me when we reached my apartment building! Isn't that ridiculous?" You rant to James and Remus about your date with Charles, feeling new waves of anger and frustration as you remembered the events. Although less wasted than last time, drinking multiple rounds of beer made you more loose-lipped than usual.

Remus' face crinkled in poorly concealed disgust. "Men like him have no shame. You would think he'd try to set things right as your coworker, but the fact he hasn't talked to you says a lot about him." James nodded in silent agreement.

Grumbling and propping your head into your arms on the table, you mumbled, "Ugh, I know. I wish dating wasn't so hard." Frustration sank deep into your veins. Being in a relationship with Sirius felt like one in a million. He was handsome, kind, thoughtful, respected boundaries, and made you so comfortable. Now, the first time you were thrown back into the ring, you happened to go on a date with someone who was Sirius's antithesis.

James patted your back in what was supposed to be a comforting rub. Then suddenly, he chortled. "You know, Sirius also has had trouble dating. He tried going out again with this girl he met at a bar. She went to the restroom and never returned after he told her he was a musician." Remus elbowed James in the ribs, likely for telling you something Sirius would not want you to know. You internally cheered; now you knew the answer to your looming question.

You shoot up almost immediately at the information, a bright light of warm, comfortable, purely selfish happiness burrowing itself in your chest. "Really!?" You ask excitedly, which both Remus and James laugh at.

"Hey, try not to look too excited! He's still one of my best mates," James laughs at your response, clearly bemused by your immediate shift in mood. A small smile graces Remus' lips, and a shiny, mischievous glint overtakes his eyes.

You try to tone it down a bit. "I know, I'm sorry. I know I'm being selfish. I just can't help but wish Sirius was still hanging up on me, too," you admit, letting a bit of sadness come to the surface of your emotions.

"You're still hung up on him?" Remus asked, putting a hand on your shoulder. You knew it was embarrassing to admit, but years of feelings don't go away after a couple of months. Of course, you were still hung up on Sirius. He had been your best friend, too, which James and Remus may have forgotten.

"Isn't that obvious? Of course, I'm still hung up on him. He was my best friend," you admitted quietly, eyes glazing over. You knew this was definitely something you shouldn't be sharing with James and Remus. But the smooth flush of alcohol in your system and feelings of nostalgia quickly overwhelmed your senses.

Remus and James noticed your heightened emotions, side-eyeing each other very clearly. You did not appreciate that. "If you tell him that, I will hurt you two," you threatened, narrowing your eyes.

Remus and James simply laughed but nodded at your empty threat, resuming your game of cards. "Scout's honor," James swore, swearing himself to secrecy.

By the night's end, you'd heard much about Sirius' gig, dating life, and adjustment to Glasgow. It sounded like it was going well, which you were conflicted about. On the one hand, you want the best for him. On the other hand, you're a selfish monster who wants nothing more than for him to come running back home to you. Not that you'd be the first person he would see anyway.

Over the next month, you had to travel to Paris for a work trip, severely restricting your scheduled beer and card games with Remus and James. This was highly displeasing; you wanted nothing more than to hound them for updates. The travel may be for the good, but it would help you move on quickly. And also help me seem less like a deranged stalker, you thought to yourself. Nonetheless, when you were back in a month, you, Remus, and James had beer, cards, and gossip planned again. 

♡ ♡ ♡

Paris was more fun than you could've ever imagined. Although you still had to work there, and this was the most extended work trip you'd ever been on, your boss was accommodating and perhaps lazy, allowing you to take most of the day to lounge around and explore the city.

And that's how you met Jean. Jean was a handsome Parisian man who did a fantastic job taking your mind off Sirius. You had met him at a nightclub about two weeks into your trip, at approximately 3 a.m.—who knew Parisians partied so late and so hard? When he slipped his number into your back pocket, it almost felt like fate. You weren't entirely convinced he was your soulmate, but you were getting close. 

You two weren't exclusive, but you found solace in spending the night intertwined, allowing you to escape the hotel and find romance after a long, painful, dry spell. Although a secret, tumultuous romance sounded quite appealing and much like a romance novel—which made you feel like a cool protagonist—you knew you had to talk to someone about your new fling.

The issue was that your girlfriends would be too nosy. They would want to know everything about Jean, including his social media, which could be disastrous. You need to talk to someone who would know, but they wouldn't grill you for information, so you decided on Remus and James.

You were hoping their oath to secrecy wasn't a lie because when you sent a text to your group chat that read, "Guess who can say she's been with a Parisian man?" it felt perilous. You were hoping you could unpack the details of your fling when you saw them again, not wanting to send a long text explaining everything.

However, when James replied, "I see you're going worldwide," with a winky face, your doubts eased a bit. It felt good having your secret fling off your chest, even if you knew telling James and Remus was an idiotic, terrible, but oh-so-relieving idea.

That night, you spent the night at Jean's again. You never really had much conversation with him. Your French was shoddy at best, and when he kissed the skin under your ear lobe after sharing a bottle of wine, it felt almost as good as a meaningful conversation. It was nearly enough to push away the memories of Sirius and you talking until your conversation ended with bellies and lungs tight from laughter, your faces wet from happy tears.

♡ ♡ ♡

It had been another week since you'd been in Paris. Things had slowed down significantly with Jean, especially after you'd realized that he could not cure your heartache. You both knew your arrangement, or whatever it was, was only short-term. He was handsome and into you, but he also lived in Paris and, hence, was not a viable option for you. He kissed you on the cheek when you parted, but it felt surface-level. Which it was, considering you had seen each other for only a week. 

Thinking of Sirius also still wanted to make you violent, to make you bang your head against the wall. When you'd shared that with James and Remus, they said he missed you and that things were tough in Glasgow, but you couldn't tell if they were saying it just to be excellent. Given the new low levels they'd observed you at, they had reason to. 

Today, you were walking to a coffee shop for remote work. If you'd consider staring at an empty Excel spreadsheet, work. When you said your boss was relaxed, you meant it. He'd posted a photo of himself at the Eiffel Tower eight times over the three weeks you'd been in Paris. 

You ordered yourself a cappuccino and sat down at a booth to lock in and watch TV shows on your computer while you pretended to be doing work. That was until you saw a familiar head of jaw-length black hair walk into the coffee shop: Sirius. 

No fucking way. You had to fight the urge to gasp out loud, bolt out of the shop, and abandon your electronics to escape the feelings of gut-wrenching heartbreak that reappeared upon seeing his face. He honestly looked a lot worse than when you'd seen him last. His face needed a good shave, he had heavy eye-bags, and he looked like he'd lost a concerning amount of weight since moving to Glasgow. You frowned at the thought of him suffering there. 

Apparently, he could feel your eyes on him because his gaze fell on you when he turned his head to scan the coffee shop. Internally screaming, you had to fight the urge to sink underneath the table and pretend you didn't exist. You should've run when you had the opportunity. 

His mouth opened in recognition and shock, a small smile curving upon his lips. Fighting the urge to pretend you didn't know him and run, you offered him a small smile and wave, gesturing at him to join you. This was such a bad idea that you internally face-palmed yourself at your unbelievable stupidity. You have been pining over your ex-boyfriend for months, and what do you do? Invite him to join you at a coffee shop and talk. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He approached your table, pulling out the chair on the opposite end of the booth to sit down in. "Hi Sirius," you spoke first, quiet, maybe timid, but friendly nonetheless. Your heart felt like it could explode out of your chest, and levels of heartbreak, sadness, and longing flooded to the surface, seeing him so close to you. Not to mention, he looked unwell, and you wanted nothing more than to embrace him like you would've done in the past. 

"Hi, Y/N," Sirius said, too. You both looked at each other for a second, a cloud of awkwardness and heartbreak in the air. He inhaled deeply, "How are you?" he offered up, breaking the silence. 

"I'm doing okay," you answered truthfully. "I've been busy with work and seeing my friends a lot," and there's the lie. You stared at a spreadsheet all day, and the only friends you'd seen frequently were Remus and James, who were Sirius's more friends than yours. 

"I'm happy to hear that," Sirius responded with a small smile. He paused for a second, thinking about his following words. "I heard from James that you've been dating again; I'm glad you're doing well," He spoke again, a forlorn look glazing over his brown eyes. His lips wore a neutral smile, but his eyes told a different story. Upon hearing these words, your heart dropped into your lower stomach. I'm going to kill him, you thought. James was so in for it. The worst part was you weren't even dating Jean anymore. You weren't ever dating him; he was just a fling and a distraction. 

You needed to figure out how to correct this vital error. Clearly, Sirius had gotten the wrong impression about your dating life from James, that bastard. Despite your frustration, after thinking about it, you didn't know there was a use in correcting the error. After all, despite how pathetic and in love you were with Sirius, he was still in Glasgow. "Thanks, Sirius, I appreciate it," you opted to respond to his comment after thinking about your situation. "How are you?" you asked. Despite his interesting appearance, you had hoped he wasn't terrible. 

"I'm okay. I'm moving back to London soon, though," he smiled. Oh no. You swore you felt your heart drop on the floor. When you convinced yourself that this relationship was forever out of your grasp, he dropped this bomb on you.

"Oh! Really?" You ask with an empty, fake smile, though you were admittedly surprised by this confession. "I suppose it will be nice to be closer to James and Remus again!" You added. You hoped he thought it would be nice to be closer to you again, too, but he officially thought you were dating someone else, and it felt too late into the conversation to reverse back on the error. It would be both confusing and humiliating to admit you had gone on with the lie. 

He nodded. "The lead singer was on leave because he had a baby; even though he listed it as indefinite, he decided to start working again," Sirius answered honestly, explaining the situation to you. You swear you could feel your heart snap into a million little pieces. You and Sirius had broken up believing this job arrangement was permanent, but now it felt like all your heartbreak was for nothing. 

"I see. What are you gonna do in London?" you asked, trying to convince yourself he might get tied down to another band. That way, the heartbreak would feel a lot less awful. 

"I'm going solo," Sirius told you. His typical confident demeanor was shredded; he was excited, but his words left enough room for you to tell he was looking for your approval. 

"Congratulations, Sirius. I'm really happy for you," you said. You were happy for him; this had always been his dream, but it was easier to break into the music scene in a group. However, this was probably the worst situation for mending your heart. If Sirius was solo, he wasn't tied to a band or their touring schedule. If he didn't think you were dating Jean, it would be entirely possible for you guys to rekindle your relationship. You felt like going to the Eiffel Tower solely to climb it and throw yourself off. 

You took a deep breath, desperately needing to escape the situation and think. "I have to get going," you blurted awkwardly and rashly. "I have to go back to the office; my lunch break is over," you added in a quieter, more normal-sounding voice. You hoped Sirius would ignore that it was 10 a.m. and nowhere near lunchtime. It was a pathetic, poorly thought-out lie in an attempt to escape. 

"Oh, well, it was nice talking to you. See you around!" Sirius responded, clearly taken aback by your sudden departure. If you didn't feel like you were going to vomit up your breakfast, you would've felt bad, as he clearly thought you were desperate to ditch him. You were, not because you hated him, but because you still loved him. 

You nodded, quickly packed up your belongings, waved goodbye, and bolted out of the coffee shop, nearly tripping over your shoes on the way out. It was so embarrassing. You opened your group chat with Remus and James, sending a single text, "Traitors!" 

James' reply was a single emoji with their tongue sticking out.

♡ ♡ ♡

You had been back in London for a week, and after multiple texts from now-apologetic James and Remus, who had been apologetic from the start, you agreed to meet them again at the bar to talk. You were honestly still a bit upset. Knowing that there was now a possibility of getting back together with Sirius, which you had subsequently squashed, had reopened deep sadness. 

You entered the bar, immediately spotting James and Remus at your usual table. You sat down with a small smile; they were still your friends, and you waited for an explanation. 

Immediately as you sat down in the booth, James blurted out, "I'm sorry!" You nodded but raised your eyebrow, waiting for an explanation. "Please forgive me. I promise I thought you were dating Jean, and Sirius asked about you. I couldn't leave him hanging; he's my best friend." James blurted out the information rapidly, clearly apologetic and anxious.

However, there was only one piece of information that you immediately narrowed down on. "Wait, Sirius was asking about me?" you asked, shocked and slightly shaken. Here, you thought you were the pathetic ex-girlfriend hounding details out of James and Remus, but maybe, just maybe, Sirius was the pathetic ex-boyfriend, too. 

Remus responded with a snort, "Please, Sirius has been asking us about you nearly every day for the past three months!" James nods hurriedly, clearly trying to appease your worries. 

"And you didn't tell me?" you ask, a twinge frustrated—scratch that, a lot frustrated. You'd been ranting to them for months about how heartbroken and sad you were, only to discover that Sirius was equally upset.

"Well, we didn't know if he'd be returning either. We thought we were being good friends hearing you guys out. We didn't want either of you to know about the other in case Sirius stayed in Glasgow," Remus explained, his words coming out quickly. 

You nodded in response. Although you were frustrated, Remus's and James's explanations made sense. Honestly, you felt terrible dumping all that responsibility on them. 

"Well, we have to go. Bye!" James said, grabbing Remus' arm and running out of the bar. You gaped in response, shocked by how quickly they tried to run off. Their mannerisms made no sense until you saw a familiar face for the first time since Paris: Sirius. 

He looked shocked to see you approaching the table you sat at. "Hey, Y/N, what are you doing here?" That seemed like something you should ask him. 

"I just met up with James and Remus," you replied sheepishly. You didn't know if he knew about your continued meetings. And you hoped he didn't know that you had been milking them for information about his life in Glasgow. 

"Oh, they told me to meet them here," Sirius said. "I wonder if they decided to switch locations. I can go to meet them," he continued, using his thumbs to point towards the door and indicate his departure. 

You think you both knew that James and Remus had planned this. However, you also knew that Sirius was likely being nice and didn't want to make you uncomfortable since he was under the impression that you were dating Jean. 

When Sirius started to retreat, you saw his broad, tall figure walk out the bar's doors, a bell dinging as he left, and you knew you couldn't sit back. You couldn't let the man you love get away from you again. Knowing you could've done something to stop it, you couldn't deal with another heartbreak. 

You hopped up from the bar stool, running after Sirius's figure until you reached him two blocks away, in front of a brick alleyway. "Sirius, wait!" you nearly pant, clearly out of shape, reaching out to clutch his wrist. He turned around to face you, looking dejected. "I'm not seeing Jean," you blurted out–still out of breath–a rare moment of vulnerability. You wanted to smack your hand over your mouth. "He was just someone, something, to get my mind off you for a while." You felt like you needed a muzzle right now. 

His expression shifted from sadness to surprise but then again to emotions you couldn't put your finger on. “Y/N…” He began, but you quickly cut him off. 

"Please, I know I messed up," you admitted quietly. You were embarrassed. "I should've been honest with you. I should've told you I missed you and had been honest with you, but I didn't know if you would ever return. So I resorted to playing a game of telephone with James and Remus. I should've just asked you how you were doing." 

He looked bashful for a second, an emotion you didn't usually see on Sirius. "Well, you weren't the only one playing the game telephone. I kind of, maybe, told James and Remus to continue meeting with you so I knew what was happening in your life." He pauses for a second, trying to figure out how to continue. "And for the record, you didn't mess up seeing Jean; we were broken up, and you had every right to move on. I just selfishly wished you had been waiting for me."

You laugh at his confession. You should've known James, and Remus wouldn't have continued to update you without telling Sirius information, too. After all, he was their friend first. "I should've known they would sell me out to you and that they wouldn't be the most reliable relayers of my life." You sucked in a quick breath, "I wish I had waited for you, too; I just didn't know if you were ever coming home." If you weren't embarrassing yourself enough, you suddenly said, "I never stopped loving you."

A vast silence washed over the two of you for a moment, your sudden confession hanging over your heads like a ripe fruit from a tree, desperate to be desired. Then, Sirius reached out to cup your cheeks, both rosy from the cold air and the heat of your confession. His eyes searched yours before he spoke. "I never stopped loving you either," he admitted. 

A surge of relief flooded your system, along with bone-deep golden joy. You didn't let another moment pass before you wrapped him in a tight embrace, your head falling under his chin. He allowed a burst of happy, surprised laughter to escape his lips before wrapping his arms tightly around your waist. When you held each other, all the misunderstandings and doubts between you two melted away, replaced by love and closeness. You never wanted to let go of him again. 

After a moment, he pulled away, "You could've just told me you missed me, dollface." Although you felt touched, he had so quickly re-adopted your old nickname, you punched his arm nonetheless. 

"Shut up," you murmured, leaning upwards to envelop his lips in a gentle, soft kiss. When he smiled against your lips, you hoped you two could stay like that forever. 

[madwcman]

Hi I don't know if you're still taking requests right now but I wanted to request a Sirius Black x Reader where Reader is in love with Sirius but Sirius is in denial to his feelings until he sees reader with another guy whom he knows has a crush on her? Please and if not that's alright! Thanks for taking the time to read this :)

a/n: thank you for requesting! enjoy!! also reader is slightly implied to be a gryffindor but it isn’t stated.

pairing: sirius black x reader

sirius was gobsmacked, shocked and confused? yes he was definitely confused. why on earth were you holding jackson’s hand? jackson is a ravenclaw boy in your and sirius’ year, and he just happened to have a crush on you. sirius couldn’t wrap his head around it. he never thought you would date someone from ravenclaw. they weren’t your type. sirius was sure you’d date someone from gryffindor. like him.

“when did that happen?” sirius turns to james waving his hand at you and the boy in question.

james looks over to his distressed friend, not very interested in the topic. “dunno,”

“i guess today?” james shrugs his shoulders, staring at lily evans, who happens to be sitting a few seats down. letting out a slightly annoyed huff, sirius turns to his other best friends. staring and maybe even slightly glaring at peter and remus. “do either of you know?”

“no, and i don’t care.” remus mutters, not even looking up from his breakfast, someone was moody this morning. sirius makes a mental note to check on him later, right now you were more important than moony’s mood swings. he turns his head slightly towards peter, with an eyebrow raised. he’s hoping and slightly praying peter would know.

“yeah i do, you’re an ass.” peter states bluntly, picking up his fork to take another bite of his breakfast. laughter erupts around them. sirius can hear both james and remus snickers of amusement.

clearly this was a hilarious joke to them. sirius is even more confused now, peter didn’t answer his question. and sure sirius could be mean. but he couldn’t remember ever being cruel to you. he hasn’t pulled a prank on you at all this year. what could he have possibly done?

“what are you talking about?!” sirius can’t help but raise his voice. becoming more agitated by his friends laughter. sirius also couldn’t help but point out that his friend never answered his question. “also that doesn’t answer my question!”

peter stops laughing, setting down his fork by his plate. he can’t help but sigh at his friend. “man, you’re dense!”

“i’m not-“ sirius quickly defends himself.

“sirius, she’s only going out with him because you said no to her date.” sirius slightly pouts, as if he’s a little child again. huffing out, “what date?”

“the one where she asked you to hogsmade, idiot.” remus can’t help but chip in, still looking down eating his breakfast. he may be in a bad mood but, that would never stop remus from pointing out how his friends were idiots. he often enjoyed it.

sirius shakes his head in denial, his friends are wrong. he would know if you asked him on a date. “that wasn’t a date.” peter groans at sirius, thinking that sirius is either oblivious- or stupid. peter thinks the later.

“it was, she’s in love you!” peter shouts, slamming his fist on the table. catching other students attention. and catching sirius off guard. sirius is once again confused, what felt like for the thousandth time this morning.

“since when?”

“since i don’t know, forever.” james confesses. sirius knows that james would never lie to him. especially about something as serious as this.

“you’re serious?”

“no you’re sirius.”

sirius rolls his eyes at james stupid, old and now lame joke. “haha, very funny.”

“jokes aside, yes i’m very serious .” james stops laughing at his joke and pats sirius on the shoulder, offering sirius some sort of comfort.

“now that’s cleared up. stop sitting there. go get your girl, idiot” remus finally looks up from his food, and glares at sirius. his scars by his eyes stretch a little.

“but there already dating.” sirius can’t help but deflate. you’re already dating someone. a boy, who truly can’t appreciate you like sirius.

“sirius, do you love her?” james asks, he knows the answer. sirius has been in love with you since first year. he just couldn’t see it.

“yes.”

“then go to her!” james yells, shaking sirius friend. giving him all the courage and confidence he needed.

“besides they’ve only been on one date. so they’re not officially together.” peter provides the facts. and sirius is very grateful his friend loves to gossip. sirius goes to stand and chase after you. you didn’t need that stupid ravenclaw guy, in sirius’ opinion.

[remusluvr]

words i used | sirius black

summary: Sirius learns the consequences of treating people he loves bad. content: angst, fighting, crying, one use of y/n note: part 2 - do i wanna know? (sirius black)

You knew from the beginning that this relationship was not one made to last. Sirius wasn't the relationship type. Yet, you let yourself get excited anyway. You let yourself get excited over when he'd hold your hand in the hallway, and sit next to you during meals, and go out of his way to hang out with you when there were other things he could be doing.

But with excitement comes disappointment. Disappointment when you see him flirting with another girl in the hallway or when you'd catch him hanging out with his friends while you were supposed to be together. There was always a counteract that threw you off. Did you mean anything to him?

The final straw was seeing him pressing some sixth-year against the wall during a party, lips attached to hers. It's like any and all hope was drained from your body, leaving you feeling unusually empty. Even walking out of the common room was a feat.

And the trek to find somewhere private was even harder of a journey. Slinking down against some wall in some abandoned hallway, you can't fight off the burning feeling in your throat anymore. You bring your knees to your chest and cry. He was never yours but you really hoped that maybe one day he could be.

It hurts too much to put any more effort into the dead-end of your relationship. By the time you finally will yourself to pull things together, your eyes are puffy and red. You don't want anyone to know. It's embarrassing. Especially when everyone had warned you not to get your hopes up but you brushed them off, blinded by the boy.

Sometimes, you'd have sleepovers where he would hold you close and run his fingers through your hair whilst you talked quietly. He would tell you how much he liked you and wanted to be with you. But it was never real. Just another check on his never-ending journey to make out with every girl in school.

It feels like a completely different world when you wake up the next morning. You wouldn't say that the world is brighter or duller, just different. It's like you have been forced to finally open your eyes and see things for how they are.

Breakfast is the first noticeable change. He comes in late, taking his unassigned-assigned seat next to you.

"Good morning," he smiles, plucking a piece of toast from the pile. You hum from your position next to him, not turning to look at him. You chew on your lip and he swats at it like usual, telling you to knock it off but you can't. You can't be around him.

If the bench below you was able to move, it would be halfway across the room with the way you stood up so abruptly.

"What's wrong?"

"I just, god-" you cut yourself off. He doesn't deserve an explanation so you storm out, leaving him even more confused. Sirius wants to follow and beg you to tell him why you're upset with him but he's never seen you this way before. He's not sure what you need him to do, if you need him at all.

He's sure that something is very wrong when you don't show up to class, one that you sit together in. Racking his brain, he's trying to figure out exactly what caused you to turn so cold to him out of nowhere. There's not much work being done in McGonagall's today as the only thing on his parchment is a list of things that could've upset you.

You're hidden away in a secret alcove that Sirius had shown you. Maybe it's not the best place to go when you're trying to get over him but it's the only place you know that the teachers won't be able to find you. This used to be one of your favorite places to go. Sometimes you and Sirius would sneak off here to make out at random times throughout the school day.

The memory of his hands tangling themselves into your hair as he pulls you closer onto his lap floods your mind. It's cruel. He was never officially yours but for a little while you could have your fantasy that he was.

Sirius isn't stupid, maybe it takes him a little longer to come to conclusions on things but he's not an idiot. Well, not a total idiot. His list of things he's written just keeps going and even if he can't pinpoint the exact reason for why you're mad at him, he has several that showcase how bad of a friend he is. He makes it his mission to fix whatever is wrong.

"(Y/N)-" he starts when he sees you passing by in the hallway. You glance over with a thin, tight-lipped smile on your face as he gets cut off.

"Sirius! I had fun last night, I was thinking that maybe we could go to Hogsmeade together this weekend?" a random girl interrupts, driving the knife further into your heart. His face and your face fall as he turns to the girl.

"Oh, uh no," he states rather bluntly, following after your figure with his eyes before trying to catch up with you. He has to shove through the crowded hallway so that he doesn't lose you.

And when he finally does catch up to you, he grabs your shoulder and pulls you off to the side. Your breathing is heavier than usual and he realizes you were really trying to get away from him.

"What?" you grit, anger evident in your voice. You're blinking more than usual to try and keep the tears from falling and he's not sure what to say. "Don't you have better things to do with your time? Things that don't involve leading me on and then making out with someone else?"

"I'm sorry," is the only thing he comes up with. You laugh at him because that's all he can say. He looks like a hurt puppy as you rub your hands over your eyes. He doesn't get to be the hurt one in this situation.

"I tried, Sirius. I don't understand what else I can do to make you like me. Do any of those girls mean anything to you? Was I just one of them?" you spit. His gaze is fixed on the ground and you know you'll never get anywhere. He doesn't care. "I can't be around you anymore. I can't look at you."

"Please," he mumbles, "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I act like this. I like you so much. I shouldn't have made out with her or anyone else when I knew all I want is you. It's like I only know how to ruin things for myself."

"D-don't turn yourself into the victim here. That's not fair. You hurt me and you're trying to make me feel bad for you. It's not hard to not make me look like a fool. All you had to do was not go after other girls. Did you think I never noticed until now? Maybe I didn't see all of them but I saw too many for it to be a one-off thing."

"I'm sorry, really. I want to be with you but that scares me. Will you please give me a chance to show you how much you mean to me? I want you to be my girlfriend."

It's the words you want to hear but the circumstance is wrong. Why couldn't he have realized this before? Why did he have to make you feel so shitty?

"I can't, Sirius. None of your words mean anything to me when you go and do the opposite almost immediately. I know you'll make someone really happy one day, but it won't be me. I can't put myself through this again."

"No, please. Let me prove it to you," his words fall on deaf ears as you walk away. Staying any longer would just increase his chances of you saying 'yes.' And he doesn't get to recover that easily. Your hands are shaking and your body aches. "Please."

part 2 - do i wanna know? (sirius black)

[lizpottersworld]

series masterlist — click here!

☽｡⋆ 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐈 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄

01. for the hope of it all

summary: It’s officially the start of summer break, Remus arrives for his first day at his families farm and discovers a surprise guest in the flower fields.

Remus loved Hogwarts and being around his friends and especially his boyfriend but nothing compared to the ecstatic feeling of arriving at his families farm. It marked the beginning of an amazing summer. It was always the best way to start the next six weeks, the first four with his family and the next few at the Potter Manor.

As soon as the gates are held open for the truck to drive through, as the cows swarm around the flower fields. Remus closes his eyes and relishes in the warmth and belonging, everything was simple here. Blocked away from anything and everything that could possibly trouble you, it didn’t exist when on the farm.

“Remus, Honey, can you help me unload the bags please?” Remus’ mum, Hope, asked him as they pulled up outside the cottage decking. He nodded and stepped out to the refreshing sticky summer air to retrieve the bags from the boot. Lyall, Remus’ dad, patted him on the shoulder in thanks as he grabbed the bags next to him.

“Bet you’d rather spend your summer with Sirius, eh?” Lyall teased, noticing the way he avoided eye contact and the faint fluster on his cheeks. He chuckled as his son discreetly disappeared through the door without a word.

Being in a relationship was new for Remus but being in a relationship with another boy was something for him to get used to. Not that it bothered him, he was more nervous about his friend’s and families feelings towards it. As if they had a say in it, anyway. The light teasing his parents would throw his way never failed to make him blush and forget his train of thought.

Hope held the door open for him as he set the bags on the kitchen side, his dad not far behind, “I can see Sirius in a few weeks, plus theres such a thing called writing, Dad.” Remus rolls his eyes at him.

Lyall chuckles, “Perhaps next time, you can invite him to the farm to stay with us.” He wiggles his eyebrows and Remus shakes his head with a smile.

“Not sure mum would allow that,” He added, “Plus, not sure Sirius could hide the whole magic wizard thing from everyone here.” Lyall nodded and mumbled about unpacking his stuff in the master bedroom.

Remus nodded and helped his mum to unpack the food bags for the next few weeks and the couple of bouquets of flowers she had bought ‘to liven up the place’ to put them in their respective vases.

Hope hummed along to a muggle song tune that played through the record player, that was lined up with various vinyls, “Remus, why don’t you go on a walk, you’ve helped out loads.” She softly smiled up at her son.

Remus nodded and pressed a kiss to the crown of his mums head before grabbing his jacket to go on his annual walk. It was nothing special, he just liked to walk through the fields with the animals and to say hello to the surrounding neighbours kids who were playing and giggling in the grass.

Really nothing could compete with the serenity and love that cascaded through the many fields of the farm. Something about the country side seemed so perfect to Remus. Better than any city, or any town. To have a peaceful yet beautiful life out here was all he could possibly want.

Even though it was only a few weeks till they met up again, Sirius and Remus had made a promising deal to write a letter every few days to provide an update on each other’s summers. Sirius persisted on not leaving any detail out, so he could imagine exactly where he was whilst he was at the Potters.

It was thankfully Sirius’ third summer at the Potters house, away from his horrible superiority family and house. Him being away from them, served as a tedious comfort and reminder of Sirius’ safety even if he was hours away. James’ parents had almost become like his own, and his house had become Sirius’. Even if they acted like brothers anyway, it was even more of a reassuring factor.

The last few weeks of every summer, James’ parents invites some of James’ friends to their house to stay for the remaining holidays. Those two weeks always gave the best memories, something to always remember happened during that time.

As much as he wished he was laughing with his friends right now, strolling through the fields with flowers and many cows around was something that Remus felt he couldn’t trade for the world.

The golden sun rays reflecting onto the people around and onto the duck pond, it was the perfect picture of heaven. Children around were gleaming with happiness and the parents watched them with just about the same degree of excitement.

There wasn’t many people in the actual fields, more in their parts of their farm in the back garden, all connected by a lake. Apart from one.

A stunning girl twirled and smiled through the flower field, the sun kissing her perfectly as she shone. A lacy white dress adorned her to her thighs to which she also wore a tattered pair of worn, mahogany cowboy boots that shielded her legs from the tickling grass.

Not many older kids visited the farm, if they did they were either here to visit grandparents or just passing through. But taken by the worn boots and the sense of familiarity, Remus felt that this girl wasn’t one of those people. It was like he knew her, but he shook his head at that simply not being possible.

The girl turned around also noticing the tall bronzed brunette walking towards her, instinctively she smiles at the figure. But then a flicker of reminiscence finds her eyes and his eyebrows furrow in question.

“Remus? Remus Lupin, is that you?” The girl shouted, hands on the sides of her mouth to echo her words. Remus still confused waited as the girl lightly ran over to him.

His mouth gaped open, distance not being a problem he could now inspect the girls face, he knew her. Her face was now matured but also carried a vulnerability which he knew all too well.

“Y/n?” He whispered in disbelief, she nods in excitement. “I thought you left.” He shook his head.

“Well, you can never really get rid of me.” She laughed, Remus immediately pulled her into his warm embrace, savouring the feeling. “Six years too long, huh?” She murmured from her face in his neck.

“Where did you even go?” He pulled away to look at her face, to then pull her back into his arms.

She hesitated, “Some like um boarding school, in France,” she smiled, “But i’m moving to another school in Scotland because my mother insists.”

Remus grinned, “does that mean you’ll be coming back here more often?” She nodded and laughed. “I can’t believe you’re here,” he admired her new hairstyle and looked down to accommodate her height, “you look so different, yet so similar.”

She shook her head in agreement, “I could say the same about you, last i remember i was taller than you and you had those circle glasses.” She laughed, recalling his innocence and adorableness. Now he was a whole giant, and had littered of scars all over his face. He was still gorgeous, so beautiful as usual. Even more if possible.

Remus looked to the familiar cottage that she and her family usually stayed in, noticing her not-so-little-anymore siblings playing in the front garden. Her mother, Isabelle, waved to Remus whilst she supported a baby on her hip.

“Willow and James are seven now, and my mum had another baby, Everly, she’s only 2.” Y/n explained, smiling as Remus waved back to her mother. He looked back to her, a supporting smile on his face.

Y/n had always had a loving and supportive family, even when Remus was younger. The age of 11, and he would play with her siblings whilst they were two. He always loved it. Her mother was like his second mother, so intent on being welcoming to Remus and encouraging his and y/n’s friendship.

They had met at the local market around the farm, their mums becoming friends whilst the two only five, shyly waved at each other.

Hope encouraged him to introduce himself and with an adorable smile he mumbled, “My names Remus!” and y/n was the more shy one out of the two of them. She looked up pouting at Isabelle who looked between the two and y/n hesitantly introduced herself, “i’m y/n.”

Then it turned into play dates in the cottage gardens, till they would independently go play games in the fields, like tag or even hide and seek.

“No, Remmy, you’re cheating!” Little y/n giggled as nine year old Remus peeked watching her hide. Remus continuously refused he wasnt each round, until y/n realised every round he knew exactly where she was.

“Thats lovely,” he said, pulling her into yet another side hug, “I still can’t believe your back. You’ll be tired of me by the end of the summer.”

“We’ll always have more summers to look forward to.” She agreed, toying with the freshly picked flowers in her hands that she was planning on weaving into a flower crown.

Remus noticed the sun starting to set and reluctantly turned to say goodbye, “I have to get back, help my mum with dinner,” He softly spoke, y/n dusted her dress and smiled at Remus, “I’ll see you tomorrow, y/n/n.” He playfully ruffled her hair and she yelped in surprise.

Fixing her hair huffing as Remus laughed, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Remmy.” She teased, using their childhood nicknames they had for each other. Remus shook his head, waving to y/n’s mum before walking back towards the cottage.

He smiled to himself, already noting to buy some flowers for her mum. This was going to be the best summer, he decided, strolling back to the cottage entrance where his mother welcomed him.

“Mum, you wouldn’t guess who i saw.” He laughed in disbelief, Hope eagerly sat at the dinning table as Remus relayed the last half an hour to his mum.

[goodoldfashionlovercorpse]

Casual (pt. 2)

pairing: Sirius Black x slytherin! potter! reader

summary: Y/n Potter has been in love with Sirius for as long as she's known him. During their 6th year at Hogwarts, they start hooking up. Sirius declares it casual, but are they both truly ok with this secret?

a/n: this is part two of my Sirius series! hope you enjoy. @hisparentsgallerryy and @planets-and-stars thanks for the support !!

warnings: angst, secret fwb situationship, jealousy, explicit language

Classes went on as normal: a few people passed while others clung for dear life. Unfortunately, Y/n shared a class with him, the one she fell for. She couldn’t pinpoint why she was glaring at him, maybe it was what Lucius had told her. All Sirius did was pretend she didn’t exist until the night. Somehow, he pays more attention to class when she’s in the room. James had sat next to her. She always felt guilty for hooking up with his best friend, he was such a good brother. Even when she was sorted, he bragged about his sister proudly, flaunting the fact she was the brains to his brawns. Sirius got paired with Snape, who was sending her glances that screamed “Help!” every time Sirius said something dumb. Gods, why did she stare at his lips? She always sent Snape a sorrowful expression, reassuring it’s just a partnership for the week. Potions had to be Snape’s and Sirius’s best class, so she didn’t worry that much.

“Ok, so, this week we’ll be brewing Amortentia. It’s powerful, so no one is allowed to drink any of it. Got that?” Slughorn asked, receiving hums from every student, “Right, now turn to page 201 and get started, you have all your ingredients set up. Have fun and remember, the first 3 groups to finish receive 5 house points each!”

As soon as Slughorn finished, James turned to the page. “Alright, I’ll dictate, you add. This should be finished by today, then ready by tomorrow.”

Y/n added the rose thorns, the pearl dust, and all the other ingredients, slowly stirring them. The twins looked at each other with puzzling gazes. “How is this gonna take people a week?”

“Maybe he wants it perfect?”

“Maybe.”

As the pair finished, Slughorn came behind them 20 minutes later. He congratulated the two and encouraged them to sniff. “What do you smell?”

James chimed up first, “Books, tea, that sweet scent of spring.” Ever the romantic, he described. From scents to scenarios, he gushed for 10 minutes as Lily stared at him, smiling. He played with his hands and then blushed once he was done. Turning to his sister, “And you, sis?”

Y/n went near and sniffed. She knew what she smelled, she knew who she smelled. But if Slytherins are taught one thing, it’s acting. “Some leather, a bit of peanut butter, and… dog?” She tried not to scrunch her nose, trying hard to come up with something, anything, to find someone else to match. Sirius was staring at her, his gaze locked on hers. “Maybe it’s Paul McCartney?” the crowd laughed. She stared at Sirius, no smile present on either faces.

Soon three more groups described their scents, the last one being Snape and Sirius. Snape described a simple smell, but she knew he smelled nothing, love just wasn’t his thing. Sirius, on the other hand, tried to finish it quickly. His hands were on his neck, resting on thin air as he bragged bout perfume and chocolate. The very things she liked. “I guess there’s the scent of a night out, doing makeup and dress-ups or whatnot,” he added, the corner of his eye directed at her. James was puzzled, staring Sirius down with pressed brows. She continued looking at Sirius’s table, seeing how Snape tried hiding under the table as girls came flocking towards their table. 

“That’s so romantic!”

“I need to buy more perfume…”

“Hey, Sirius, wanna go out?”

Before you knew it, they were being whisked off by Prof. Slughorn to go to their desks. As class ended, only four out of ten groups had finished, much to her surprise. She started packing up, getting ready for her next class. Snape came up to her as James went over to Sirius. “Can’t believe I got paired with him.”

She shrugged, “You’re both top students, it can’t have been that bad.”

“It is when you’re stared at by everyone  to smell something that’s not there.”

“Hey, everyone believed you.” she pats his back and smiles, gaining a half smile from Snape. The two went out of class, having no clue of Sirius staring at them, a layer of jealousy coated in his gaze. One that didn't go unnoticed by James. The Potter shoved his friend, mumbling something about ‘brotherly duties’. Perhaps tonight will be the night… then again, it was always casual.

Y/n and Snape went along with their classes, being joined by their other friends, but mainly just Lucius. Lucius was quite excited about the Ravenclaw party, and Snape planned on studying. Both gave her a glance, though. A sort of questioning look. “He’ll be there,” Lucius said.

She shrugged, looking down. It wouldn’t have made a difference, she would seen him tonight regardless of whether she attended, that’s how they worked. “I’ll probably go to help James and Lily.” she earned a shrug from Lucius, the other male yapping about homework and studies.

“We should start preparing for our test next week, though.”

“Relax, Sev, that’s days ahead.”

At least friendships weren’t casual, Y/n thought, laughing along with Lucius and hugging Snape. They departed at the common rooms, her having to go up. She smiled, maybe tonight will be about her.

[stxr-slut]

Sirius x slytherin!reader who grew up together, him, regulus, and reader used to be inseparable.

Then sirius got sorted into gryffindor.

Sure, they still talked every once in a while, said hey when they passed in the halls.

Until he stopped. He stopped smiling back, stopped waving at her, stopped caring all together.

Regulus was so caught up in trying to fill the crack that sirius left in his family that he forgot about her too.

She feels abandoned, alone, unwanted. The two boys she grew up with were forgetting her, moving on to bigger things, and she was left behind.

Until one day, she sees sirius again, but it doesn't turn out how she thought it would. He doesn't apologise and take her away from her equally shitty family, as she'd always dreamed he would.

He sneaks into her dorm room late at night, talks her out of her clothes, and when she wakes up, it's to him sneaking back out. Whispering something about it being 'their secret'.

And so they contine like that. He's too blind to see he's hurting her, and she's too desperate to care.

She sees him around school but doesn't dare to say hi. She doesn't fit in with his new friends, with his new life. She's just a bad habit he can't be bothered to kick.

And it stings. It sends a sharp pain through her heart every time they make eyecontact at dinner, and he instantly turns away. He can't even risk looking at her.

And of course she's not the only one. She knows that. She sees him at parties, openly making out with other girls. Never her.

So she starts plotting. It starts off small, sending notes or sneaky hexes to girls interested in him, scaring them off without them ever knowing who it was.

Then, it was small inconveniences to his day. Hiding his books, sabotaging his homework, spreading a rumour. She knew it was hurting him, but it got him back in her bed at the end of the day.

And then it all got out of control. He started to slowly pull away, despite her best efforts to draw him back in, the small things weren't working anymore.

So she went bigger, messier. And then she slipped. He figured it out.

She was behind all the frustrating little things that made his life worse. She was behind the rumours and the lies and the things she didn't even care was hurting him.

And so it all comes to a front. Screaming, crying, accusations, insults. It's a mess of angst and hurt and pent-up emotions.

She's yelling about how he left her behind. How he forgot her and used her and how she'd struggled without him.

He's yelling about how she's needy and pathetic, and she could've ruined his life. How she needs to let go of the past. They were kids, for fuck sake.

He didn't need her anymore, but she still needed him.

[ms-snape]

Hey, can I request a young sirius x reader where he have a crush on her but he' mostly used to flirt with the girls and have he watts but the reader isn't like that and she keeps rejecting him....it' okay if you don't...I Just love your writing♡

Title: Not like others

Warning: flirt sirius

Word Count: 2500+

Masterlist

---

The sun hung low over Hogwarts, casting a golden hue across the grounds, illuminating the ancient stone and sprawling greenery. The Great Lake shimmered under the afternoon light, rippling gently with the whispers of the breeze. Laughter echoed from the Gryffindor common room, where the Marauders had congregated, their typical banter filling the air.

Sirius Black lounged comfortably on the plush armchair, his signature smirk in place as he flirted effortlessly with a group of girls who hung on his every word. He thrived in the attention, relishing the playful banter and the easy confidence that came from being the center of attraction. Yet, amidst the laughter and lighthearted jests, his thoughts drifted. They wandered to her—Y/n, the girl who had somehow breached the fortress of his heart.

Y/n sat nearby, engaged in conversation with Lily and James, her laughter ringing like a melody that captivated him. She was stunning, her features a blend of innocence and strength, but what truly drew him in were her eyes—deep and expressive, reflecting a world of thoughts and emotions. Yet, despite his heart racing at her presence, Sirius struggled with the way he felt about her.

He had always been a flirt, weaving through relationships like a butterfly, leaving behind a trail of admirers and broken hearts. But with Y/n, it was different. She wasn’t just another girl; she had become a secret treasure, something worth cherishing, yet he couldn’t find the words to convey his feelings. Instead, he resorted to his old ways, flirtation pouring from his lips like honey, masking the deeper emotions brewing within him.

“Hey there, beautiful,” he drawled, leaning back with that familiar, devil-may-care attitude as he aimed his attention at Y/n. She glanced up, momentarily meeting his gaze, and the light in her eyes dimmed slightly. It was a subtle shift, barely noticeable, yet it cut through him like a knife.

“Do you need help with your Charms essay?” she asked, a faint smile touching her lips, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Only if you promise to help me pass,” he teased, casting her a roguish grin. His heart sank as he noticed her forced smile.

Y/n turned her attention back to Lily, dismissing him without another glance. It stung more than he anticipated. The fleeting moments where they would steal glances at each other were now replaced with a growing distance. Confusion gnawed at him; he could see the hurt in her expression, but he didn't know how to bridge the gap he had unintentionally created.

As days passed, the pattern continued. Sirius would flirt and charm, drawing laughter from those around him, but Y/n remained distant. She spent time with Lily, her laughter still ringing, but it was tinged with an undertone of sadness that tugged at Sirius’s heartstrings.

It was during a quiet evening in the common room that Remus noticed the shift in atmosphere. Sirius sat across from him, a frown creasing his forehead as he stared into the flickering flames of the fireplace.

“Mate, what’s up with you?” Remus asked, concern lacing his voice.

Sirius sighed, running a hand through his unruly hair. “It’s Y/n. I can’t seem to reach her. Every time I flirt with her, it’s like I’m pushing her away.”

“Have you considered that maybe she sees you as just another fling?” Remus mused, his brow furrowing in thought. “You’re known for your charm, Sirius. She might think you want her for all the wrong reasons.”

“I don’t!” Sirius exclaimed, frustration leaking through his tone. “I like her, Remus. I genuinely like her. But every time I try to show it, I just end up making things worse.”

Remus leaned back, crossing his arms as he regarded his friend. “Maybe you need to try something different. Show her you care without the flirtation. Get her flowers or something.”

“Flowers?” Sirius echoed, incredulous. “I’m not some lovesick puppy!”

“Right, but if you want her to believe that you’re serious about your feelings, you have to show her. She’s not going to believe it if you keep playing the same game,” Remus replied, his voice calm but firm.

Sirius mulled over Remus’s words. It felt utterly foreign to him—this idea of soft gestures and vulnerability. But if it meant winning Y/n’s heart, he was willing to try. He just had to learn how to break through the walls he’d unintentionally built around her heart.

The next morning, Sirius made a plan. He found himself wandering through the Hogwarts grounds, heading towards the greenhouses. The vibrant flowers swayed in the gentle breeze, each petal whispering promises of beauty. He approached a cluster of blooming daisies and picked a small bouquet, the innocent blooms representing the simplicity of his growing affection for Y/n.

Clutching the flowers tightly, he made his way back to the Gryffindor common room. His heart raced with uncertainty, thoughts swirling in his mind. Would this be enough to prove to Y/n that he was different? That he wanted more than just a fleeting moment?

When he entered the common room, Y/n was sitting by the window, her gaze lost in the distance. The sunlight caught her hair, making it glow, and for a moment, Sirius simply stood there, captivated. Taking a deep breath, he approached her, forcing down the anxiety that threatened to overwhelm him.

“Y/n?” he said softly, and she turned to him, surprise flickering in her eyes.

“What’s this?” she asked, glancing at the flowers in his hand.

“Um, they’re for you,” he stammered, the words tumbling out awkwardly.

Her brows furrowed in confusion. “For me?”

“Yeah. I thought… I thought maybe you’d like them,” he said, extending the bouquet toward her.

She hesitated, her gaze shifting from the flowers to his face, searching for something deeper. “Why, Sirius?”

“Because I like you,” he replied, his heart pounding. “Not just as a flirtation or a game. I care about you, Y/n.”

Her expression remained guarded, doubt clouding her features. “You say that now, but you’ve always been a flirt. How am I supposed to believe you?”

The sting of her words hit hard. “Because I wouldn’t do this for anyone else. I’m not trying to play you, I promise.”

Y/n reached out, tentatively accepting the flowers, but the uncertainty in her eyes lingered. “I just… I don’t want to be another one of your flings, Sirius. I’m not like the others.”

“I don’t want that either,” he insisted, his voice earnest. “I’m trying to show you that I’m serious about us. I want to be more than just a passing moment.”

For a brief moment, hope flickered in her eyes before it dimmed again. “It’s hard to believe that when you’ve built your reputation on charm.”

Sirius felt a wave of frustration wash over him, but he held it back, knowing it wouldn’t help his case. Instead, he thought of Remus and his advice. “Give me a chance to prove it. Let me show you how I feel.”

As the days rolled by, Sirius embraced the challenge. With Remus’s guidance, he began to shower Y/n with small, thoughtful gestures. He’d leave her little notes hidden in her books, the words carefully chosen to reflect his growing feelings. He surprised her with her favorite sweets from Honeydukes, savoring the way her eyes lit up with joy each time.

“Honestly, Sirius,” she said one evening, glancing at the assortment of chocolates he’d brought her. “You’re being way too nice.”

“Is that a bad thing?” he replied, a teasing lilt in his voice, but his heart raced with nervous energy. “I just want to show you I’m serious about this.”

Y/n took a deep breath, her defenses slowly crumbling as she began to see the sincerity in his actions. “You’re really trying, aren’t you?”

“Every day,” he admitted, the weight of his feelings resting heavily in the air between them. “I just want you to see that I’m different. That I care about you, not just as a flirt but as someone I want in my life.”

She looked at him for a long moment, her expression softening. “It’s hard to let go of my doubts, Sirius. I’ve seen how you are with other girls. It’s difficult to reconcile that with how you are with me.”

Sirius nodded, understanding her struggle. “I know I have a reputation, but I promise you—what I feel for you is real. It scares me, to be honest, but it’s the truth.”

Their conversations continued, each interaction building a bridge between them, and slowly, the walls Y/n had erected began to crumble. She’d catch glimpses of his true self—the gentle side that cared deeply, and with every small act, he felt himself falling further into the depths of his feelings.

One evening, as the Marauders gathered in their usual spot in the common room, Sirius couldn’t help but steal glances at Y/n. She was sitting with Lily, sharing a laugh over some inside joke, the sound of her happiness wrapping around him like a warm blanket. It was a comforting sight, yet a pang of longing tightened in his chest.

“Alright, Padfoot,” James said, nudging him. “You’re practically drooling over there. Just go talk to her!”

“Yeah, before she gets snatched up by someone else,” Remus chimed in, a teasing smile gracing his lips.

“I’m trying!” Sirius retorted, but a nervous energy buzzed within him. “I just… want to make sure I don’t mess this up.”

“Just be honest,” James advised, his tone turning serious. “You’ve been making progress. Show her that you’re genuine.”

With that, Sirius rose, his heart pounding as he crossed the room. Y/n looked up as he approached, her expression shifting from surprise to curiosity.

“Hey, can I borrow you for a minute?” he asked, a hint of nervousness coloring his voice.

“Sure,” she replied, her smile encouraging.

He led her to a quieter corner of the common room, the soft glow of the fire casting gentle shadows around them. “I just wanted to talk to you… away from everyone else,” he said, his throat tightening.

“What’s on your mind?” she asked, her voice gentle.

“I know I’ve messed up in the past,” he began, his heart racing. “And I know it’s hard for you to see me as anything more than a flirt. But the truth is, you mean more to me than I can put into words. I’m falling for you, Y/n, and I don’t want to hide it anymore.”

Her eyes widened, a flicker of surprise crossing her features. “You’re serious?”

“Yes,” he affirmed, stepping closer, his gaze unwavering. “I know it’s scary and uncertain, but I want to give us a chance. You’re not just another girl to me. You’re special.”

Y/n’s expression softened, a mix of vulnerability and hope reflecting in her eyes. “I want to believe you, Sirius, but it’s hard.”

“I understand,” he replied, reaching out to gently take her hand. “But I promise, I’ll show you. Just give me a chance.”

Tension hung in the air as they stood together, hearts racing in sync. For a brief moment, it felt like the world had faded away, leaving just the two of them amidst the crackling warmth of the fire.

As days turned into weeks, Sirius continued to prove himself, each gesture a step closer to Y/n’s heart. They studied together, shared secrets, and laughed late into the night, the connection between them growing deeper. Y/n began to let her guard down, her laughter becoming more genuine, the warmth of their interactions melting away her reservations.

One evening, while sitting under the stars on the castle grounds, Y/n turned to Sirius, her expression thoughtful. “You’ve really changed, you know. I’ve never seen this side of you before.”

Sirius chuckled softly, a warm smile playing on his lips. “It’s all your fault, really. You make me want to be better.”

Y/n laughed, the sound light and free, and it filled him with joy. “I’m glad. I really am.”

“I’ve been thinking,” he said, his tone shifting as he searched for the right words. “About how I feel. I mean, it’s not just about flirting anymore. I want to be with you, for real.”

Y/n’s breath caught, surprise dancing in her eyes. “Sirius… do you mean it?”

“Every word,” he declared, leaning in closer, vulnerability evident in his gaze. “I want you in my life, not just as a fleeting moment but as something lasting.”

A smile broke across her face, illuminating the shadows of doubt that had lingered for so long. “I believe you,” she whispered, her voice barely audible over the soft rustle of leaves.

Sirius felt a warmth spread through him at her words, a sense of relief washing over him. “Really?”

“Yeah, I do,” she replied, her eyes shining with sincerity. “I think I’m starting to see the real you beneath all that charm.”

Their gazes locked, and in that moment, everything shifted. The air crackled with unspoken feelings, and Sirius leaned in, his heart pounding with anticipation. The distance between them vanished as their lips met in a tender kiss, a sweet culmination of everything they had built together.

As the weeks continued to unfold, the Marauders witnessed the transformation in their friend. Sirius was no longer the carefree flirt, but rather a young man in love, navigating the complexities of his newfound feelings. Y/n brought out the best in him, and he reveled in the joy of being with her.

One day, as they sat in the common room surrounded by their friends, Y/n leaned into Sirius, her head resting on his shoulder. “You know, I never thought I’d find someone like you,” she murmured softly.

Sirius smiled, wrapping his arm around her, pulling her closer. “And I never thought I’d want someone so much,” he admitted, a hint of awe in his voice.

Their friends watched the exchange with knowing smiles, the atmosphere in the room warm and filled with laughter. The Marauders shared their own banter, but the love blossoming between Sirius and Y/n was undeniable, a testament to the power of genuine affection.

With every passing day, Sirius found himself more entrenched in his feelings, each moment shared with Y/n reinforcing his belief that love could exist beyond mere flirtation. And as they continued to grow together, he realized that beneath the charm and bravado lay a heart yearning for connection—one that had finally found its match.

Their journey was just beginning, but the road ahead shimmered with promise, illuminated by the light of their love—a bond forged through laughter, understanding, and the unbreakable connection that comes from truly knowing one another.

In the depths of his heart, Sirius Black understood that this was no longer just a game; it was real, and he was ready to embrace it fully.

As the stars twinkled above them, Sirius squeezed Y/n's hand, feeling her warmth beside him. Together, they stepped into a future that held countless adventures, where their love would grow, unfurling like the flowers he had once brought her—delicate yet resilient, a beautiful testament to their journey together.

[ma1dita]

liar, liar

part two cn be found here-> truth be told

words: little under 2k

summary: sirius black is a good liar. spot how many times sirius lies in this fic.

warnings: slight nondescript smut!! errr cursing & another self-deprecating marauder, mostly unrequited love/being led on, sirius’s trauma response, fem!reader is too good for sirius, fem!reader has ‘i can fix him’ complex

a/n: guys… i thought of this prompt and the necklace Alex Russo wore in WoWP and suddenly, complex by katie gregson-macleod started playing so…sorry if this gets sadder.

(posted 9/8/23 & edited 11/6/23)

—

At the very core of him, Sirius Black is a liar. 

It’s not directly his fault, but a subliminal result of the loveless household he grew up in. Lies roll off his experienced tongue more naturally than when he’s ever tried to say I love you. So he’s convinced himself that it’s easier to live life this way, without love. If love ever fell into his hands, he’s not quite sure what he’d do with it. 

If Sirius Black could be defined, he thinks it would lack the word love and instead encompass a lot of his anger. Fiery, palpable anger, deep set in his core. That’s what he is. There are a lot of things to be angry about in this life, after all.

—

You’re 16 and this birthday party might’ve been your best idea yet. Your friends are dotted around your dorm room, along with some people you’ve invited from your classes. Among the forming crowd, you spot one Sirius Black. You don’t talk much outside of being Potions partners, and you get by with smiles in the halls and friendly touches. He’s looking at you from across the room like he knows you intimately, but that is far from the truth. Sirius Black is an enigma if anything, but what’s more unusual to you even after three shots of firewhiskey is the fact that he doesn't have any of his friends in tow. He meanders around the open space before circling back towards your direction as if that wasn’t his plan in the first place.

“Trouble in paradise?” you joke, gesturing to the space his posse would usually occupy behind him. He scoffs, avoiding the question, giving you a proper kiss on the cheek instead as he loops his arms around your waist. It piques your interest; you’ve always loved a challenge.

“Happy birthday, gorgeous.”

Sirius is handing you a small jewelry box, and you look at him dumbfounded. You’re barely even friends.

“You didn’t have to get me anything, Black. I just called you over to get drunk with me and my mates.” You giggle, cheeks red from the alcohol.

It’s a necklace. A magical, really expensive one. Sirius is gauging your reaction, scratching the back of his neck. It’s easy to put a price to something rather than show you all of his cards.

“Well, aren't I special? This is too much, Black. I shouldn’t…” Your soft hands are pushing the box into his impenetrable wall of a chest as you shake your head in disbelief. No one’s ever gotten you something this nice or expensive before. You wonder if he does this to all the other girls that fawn over him.

“It’s nothing. I insist. You keep me distracted in Slughorn’s class and for that, you get a prize just as pretty as you.” He’s holding your wrists now, rubbing them casually like this isn’t the most intimate encounter you’ve had with him yet. Somehow you can sense that he needs this more than you do. To be needed. He doesn’t want to tell you that you’re the only one making him smile nowadays since his friends haven’t talked to him in weeks. You indulge in this behavior, because it’s new and exciting, and who would say no to Sirius Black?

The party ends much later after you tease him until his wit’s end, and then it’s your whispered approval that moves him to move his body over yours, the rest of your clothes quickly flying off in his pursuit to become a part of you. Physically and metaphorically, his being overtakes you quickly. Deep into the night, when he’s fucking you into your mattress, the necklace he gave you swings back and forth against your chest with every thrust of his hips, every bump of the headboard against the wall thumping the final nails into the coffin. You can’t help but feel special as he lays kisses on your spine. You know this isn’t intimacy in Sirius’ world though. This isn’t love, it’s bodies yearning for connection, to find something meaningful. To string the words to define how to pass the time. You hope he finds what he’s looking for between your sheets and as he breathes into your hair.

Sirius is angry at the world and he’s chosen you to be his target. What color on your necklace can define the fact you wanted him to fuck you brainless anyways? What can accurately portray the shaking of his hands as he slaps the fat of your thighs? Both of you don’t remember, but all he knows is your naked bosom is glowing amber as you pant, and it looks and feels like you’re on fire. Lust has a way of consuming the body, both of you moving until you cannot anymore, anatomy animated by the need for touch.

He needed this, a distraction. And you just wanted a crazy story to tell. You keep note of the fact that Sirius likes it when you moan his name, and he makes it his mission for you to scream the name he grew up hating because it sounds pretty coming from your mouth. Because here in this room, it means something other than disappointment.

“Oh my god, baby, right there!”

“Don’t call me that. I’m not your baby.” he pants, pulling your hair roughly as he jackhammers into you. No pet names or endearments are allowed. Just Sirius, and he’ll correct you if you get it wrong. By the end of it, you’re slurring your words and screaming nonsense anyway. You think nothing of it.

He wants you as much as you’ll have him, which, when you’re 16, you think can be made a priority just to keep his eyes on you. Everyone wants a piece of Sirius Orion Black. And your hands are stretched out in hopes of partaking in this transaction of physicality and sin. Weeks later, after you seemingly fall asleep in the boys’ dorm, James asks Sirius if you’re his girlfriend. “She’s…alright,” he mumbles into the air. They’ve finally forgiven him for The Prank after your urges to get Sirius to swallow his ego. He never got to thank you for it. Gratitudes and endearments were a rarity at Grimmauld Place. 

Peter whispers in the dark of their dorm and asks Sirius if he could ever fall in love with you. With your eyes closed and your head lying against his chest, you feel him shrug as he traces a hickey he left on your collarbone. What is love to Sirius Black? He’s looking at your chest glow red, and his hand clutches the pendant in his fist, trying to dim its light. You go to sleep instead. The incandescent glow of the pendant seeps beneath your eyelids.

—

You’re 19 and sometimes you wonder if it’d be easier to be dead. Good days are a relief for all to have, presenting themselves as scarce and far apart in your new normal. There’s a war going on and you think it’s criminal to consider yourself adult enough to fight in it, but you and your friends–and your boyfriend do. You sleep in Sirius’ apartment more than your own now, but he never calls you his girlfriend, he just calls you his, and you convince yourself to not worry so much about it because death itself is coming for everyone you know. You’re together, and that’s what matters, right? There are bigger problems at hand.

Between Auror missions, Sirius has a bad habit of picking fights with you in front of your friends, which now include his friends. A lot of you comes from him, which you don’t resent. They’re lovely, but they see through the struggle. They know him too well, and you go to every gathering with an inkling that they know how mean Sirius can truly be. Old habits die hard. Tonight he yells at you because you won’t let him get a fifth beer. 

“Always thinking you know better than me, (Y/N). You’re not my fucking wife, so I don’t need to listen to you! No one wants to hang around a killjoy.”

He wrenches his grip from your thigh, nearly toppling your chair over to stomp over to the bar himself. Everyone stares at you, waiting for you to react before they judge. Before they defend their friend. His behavior has been erratic lately with his world crumbling as he knows it. But then again, Sirius has never known life without chaos.

“I know it’s not… ideal. But he’s a good guy. We’re all just going through shit right now. His brother’s missing, so I’m there when he needs me.”  Which is always, you omit from your response. You don’t mind being needed though. Helping him fight his demons is a part of being in a relationship with someone so damaged. You bring him light when his mind darkens. That is not transactional. It’s something deeper, though the words dissipate before either of you can utter it at night.

Lily reaches over the table to hold your hand, with Remus pulling his arm around the back of your chair, and rubbing your shoulder. Your chest is still glowing red, your love for him triumphing over any embarrassment he’s caused you. How you feel has always been clear, evident on your chest. What a weakness to have, to lay yourself bare to him and you wonder if Sirius did it on purpose.

He gets piss drunk as you expected and you have to side-apparate him home while you insist to everyone else that they should stay and have fun. They’re not as easily convinced, but you bid them farewell anyway. You get to the apartment and Sirius mumbles a ‘thank you’ as you help him take his clothes off and you gently tuck him under the covers, kissing him goodnight. Small moments like these are tender. They say more than anything you could put into words.

Moments later, you pretend to not hear Sirius cry, but his chest is heaving and the sound coming from his throat is so gut-wrenching that you lift yourself out from under him where he was weeping into your shoulder. In the dark, your eyes adjust to find his face in the moonlight.

“Sirius?” you breathe, fingers ghosting over the tears on his face. 

“He’s dead.” he whimpers. You’ve never seen Sirius Black let himself be vulnerable like this. Not to the Marauders, and especially not to you. There’s no carnal aspect in sorrow, though it leaves one gutted, worn down to the bone.

“My baby brother is dead, and no one knows. I don’t even have a body to mourn over.” 

He chokes back a sob, and you let his arms shroud your body, leaving the red glow of your pendant trapped between both of your ribs. You hope some of the light and some of your love seeps into him. You have plenty to give, and it’s all his for the taking, if only he’d let you.

Sirius falls asleep hours later, and you’re pinned to the bed underneath him. There’s a crick in your trapezius that you try to ignore as you stroke his hair. Maybe in his dreamless state he can find peace. You close your eyes and wonder if Regulus has found solace in death. Maybe it would feel something like this.

—

You’re 21 and most of your good friends are dead or in hiding. It’s the night before Halloween, but there’s not a lot to celebrate if real life is much scarier now.

Over the years, Sirius and you have come to an understanding. He’s flawed, with a viciously large ego and oftentimes he’s mean when he doesn’t know how to react. But he’s human. He tries now, more than ever to quell the anger born in the Black name. He tries to be gentle, though the instinct to hurt is in his blood. You’re patient, and resilient enough to take the blows, knowing what you feel is deeper than his anger, often revealing itself as his darkest fears. You like him ‘because’ and love him ‘despite’. Your cue to comfort him is usually right before he gets the look on his face that tells you he’ll say something knowing it’ll make you cry. You’ve always loved him, but now you know why. Sirius wonders every day how you’re still with him. He’s a runner, but since the day you’ve met him, you haven’t quite let go of his hand.

Usually instead of an apology, he’ll usually fuck you to oblivion, making sure your legs shake and your brain is jumbled enough to not talk about the hurt he causes you. He strokes the fire in you, and the feeling of anger that continually wracks his being can only be satiated by your touch. His skin on yours is the best place to be, but maybe there’s a part of you that likes the hurt, his anger. It's almost passionate, the only emotion he knows how to express well. You love him in a way that only you can, despite all of that. But it all blurs when he kisses you, consumes you. You especially like it when he pulls your hair.

You shriek as you come down from a release, hands rubbing the expanse of his chest. His thrusts slow as he grapples with reality, pawing at your breasts. Your hips milk him for his worth, and he groans lowly.

“You’re too good to me, wife. You’re all mine.” 

Your ministrations come to a stop as you look down at him, pendant hanging between your faces. Nicknames were a growing commodity lately.

“Wife, huh…”

The air is heavy between you two, still connected as one while you wait for his response. Let him take the lead, as it’s the role he’s more accustomed to.

“If that’s okay.” he breathes, not knowing what to do with his hands. Love has fallen into his hands, and her physical form is sitting in his lap. His grip eases as he accepts you wholly.

“Maybe someday soon.” 

A slow smile stretches across your face. 

“Ask me properly and I’ll consider.” But the glow of your necklace is more vibrant now, and you two both know your answer as he grabs your waist and pulls you down for another round.

Sirius tries to sneak out of bed in the early morning as you doze off. You wake, rubbing the sleep from your eyes, bare feet padding across your shared apartment in search of him until you see him dressed in the kitchen and holding a letter. 

“I have to go… deal with some business,” he mutters, not stepping away from the window nor sparing you a glance. Lying to someone he loves is harder than he thought it would be.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” You’re standing in the doorway wearing his shirt and his boxers. He likes it when you say his name. You could call him anything you want and he’d come running.

“James and Lily, they’re in trouble. I’ll be back by morning.”

You turn to grab your wand, planning to go with him, but he’s suddenly grabbing your arm and pulling you into a kiss, stopping your advances. He has something to lose now. You’re his, and he’ll be damned to let you follow him blindly into danger.

“You have to stay here. Everything will be okay,” he says, holding your chin. The lie sits heavy on his tongue. Maybe if he focuses he’ll see the rose-tinted hue of your irises every time he shuts his eyes.

“You’re scaring me...” You look at him in apprehension, his movements erratic and you wonder if he’s cracked and needs an exorcism. Then your heart is thundering in your chest and the red glow turns ice blue. A new feeling has taken a larger form than your love, and its fear. Briefly, you wonder how Sirius lives on edge like this. Something is dangerously wrong. He looks into your eyes, and then the cold glow on your chest. He takes a slow step back away from you, looking almost apologetic.

“Sirius Black, don’t you fucking dare.”

“I love you.”

He’s apparated and long gone before you register what he said. It sounded unfamiliar coming from his mouth, but you weren’t surprised. It was something you’ve always known. You just didn’t think that hearing it would hurt this badly.

—

The doors of the dreary prison cell screech shut in Azkaban. Visiting hours are over, and Sirius hadn’t left his space the whole two hours you waited outside in hopes of seeing him.

Tossing the lunch you packed into the bin as you push through the exit door for the last time, you think that killing him would’ve been easier than this, but he is not the victim in this story. You at least hope he got your package, as you think that maybe you could find a different adventure now, one that doesn’t involve having your feelings splayed across your chest for a murderer to come in and kill you dead. What a fool, to know someone so intimately, so innately, and for him to be a killer.

The envelope is slid under his cell door, and he opens it slowly. The necklace. Sirius sighs, and he wonders if you’ll finally let him go. It’s what you deserve anyway, now that he’ll rot in here for the rest of his life for a crime he didn’t commit. He’s hurt you enough that even if he did tell you everything, there’s a chance you wouldn’t believe him. No one does, after all. The cool silver of the chain makes goosebumps rise on the back of his neck as he slips it on. Red. 

With all the time in the world to think, he realizes that he can easily be defined by the sound of your voice calling his name. He’s called many things now besides a liar; a murderer, a deranged madman, a traitor. The only definition of himself he prefers now is one where he is described to be loving you. There are a lot of things to love about you, after all. He spends days, weeks, months, years, keeping track. He finds new ones every time he closes his eyes.

But Sirius Black is first and foremost a liar, and if there’s anything he’s sure of, is that he’s damn good at it.

—

“You say you love rain

but you open your umbrella.

You say you love the sun

but you find a shadow spot.

You say you love wind

but you close your windows.

This is why I am afraid

when you say you love me.”

William Shakespeare

love me some tunes! i listened to this while writing: complex by katie gregson-macleod

taglist: @jsjcue

[noideasforausername]

crumpled letter.

description: sirius black x literally whoever (self-insert or existing character, anything works)

word count: 0.7k

warnings: angst? (basically all I write is angst are we even surprised at this point)

───────────

Sirius was used to being on the receiving end of an absurd number of letters – written confessions – on the regular. It had been admittedly entertaining at first, grown rapidly concerning and ended up becoming quite bothersome. By his sixth year, he’d taken the habit of simply throwing them away: the dizzying shades of pink an eyesore, particularly first thing in the morning.  

Blue, black, red and occasionally gold ink, all conveying one clear message through their various deviations from the boring “I like you” (that is, of course, with one singular and minuscule heart over each individual i). 

That particular morning, things were about as outwardly ordinary as possible: the nauseatingly colourful pile dropped next to Sirius’ goblet a testament to this statement.  

It seemed that the owls’ brief period of strike was over – for Hogwarts had seen this rare phenomenon earlier that year, the animals having reached abnormally high levels of annoyance with the repetitive act of carrying the garish mail to a less-than-grateful black-haired student. 

Sirius had half a mind to leave them there. Maybe that would give his faceless – and nameless in some cases – admirers a hint. But he didn’t. Instead, he crumpled them all up with a flick of his wand, a motion he knew by heart, and stuffed them in his pocket (the waiting room before they’d inevitably find their home in the depths of the nearest trash can.)

Amongst them, a white envelope. One so ordinary it should have stood out from the pile. Black ink on a standard piece of parchment.

 

“Here it goes. I have tried writing this with flourish and charm, but this is my last piece of parchment and I fear I will chicken out if I do not send this now. 

I’m aware the chances of you reading this are slim. Perhaps that’s why I decided to write you in the first place. But I have tried everything. And being a small speck in the sandstorm that causes that frown to appear on your forehead every morning seemed a fair price to pay.  

Let me start, or better yet continue, by clarifying one thing: this is not a love letter. I am not writing to beg for a chance of your eyes meeting mine in anything more than a passing coincidence. Instead, I hope that this will end up at the bottom of your pocket, and that the rage I hold will burn a hole right through that expensive black silk, setting the rest of the letters aflame and silencing the voices you crush daily with the barest swish of the wrist. 

You, Sirius Orion Black, are infuriating. Your face is irksome. Your grin is positively maddening. The curve of your cheekbones, the angle of your jawline, the glint in your eyes, the way you so effortlessly carry yourself – as if taking up space is what you were born to do. I’ve come to believe that you are taunting me indirectly.  

And I wish you would stop. Or maybe what’s even more aggravating is that I can’t picture a life in which you do. It is unfair, that we are unable to look at the sun for too long without being blinded, and yet no matter how long my eyes rest on you, my vision stays intact.  

I have made it my mission to ignore you. But not only has this proven impossible, my stubborn nature has blown this situation out of proportions, resulting in a pair of invisible, unmovable binoculars that constantly seek you out having replaced my eyes.  

I have no explanation, no enchantment ever recorded matches the effect you seem to have on me. This slow, torturous, pit in my stomach knowing that somewhere between these walls, your chest is rising and falling in rhythm with my own.  

I have many more insults to throw your way, but I am running out of paper. All that to say, though you may believe you dispose only of devoted admirers, there is someone in this very castle whose life has been thrown off its axis for no apparent reason other than your very existence. I hope that getting this off my chest and sending it your way will break this unbearable cycle. If not, this is my formal way of telling you to fuck off Sirius Black. Fuck off and put my life back the way it was.” 

[jamesbetch]

The Return Of Time Masterlist

Synopsis - Lucerys Regulus Black. The son of accused murderer and fugitive, Sirius Black, and mentally unstable and insane, Sofia Black. While the entire wizarding world knew his story, they didn’t care enough to actually speak of it. He wasn’t important enough to be remembered like Harry Potter. The Chosen One. No, he was just the kid who was at risk because of a prophecy but ultimately ended up surviving at the sake of his father being imprisoned and his mother being tortured into insanity. Years later, in what was supposed to be his seventh year, the Golden Quartet are at Hogwarts after destroying several Horcruxes, determined to kill Voldemort. But what happens when Lucerys Black, the possible chosen one, is hit with a spell while holding a rare object he found in the Room of Requirement. Or In which Lucerys Black is sent back in time and is forced to help his dad finally land a date with his mum.

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

A/N: The story is also published in wattpad (link below) if you are interested in reading it there! Please comment, like, and repost <3

https://www.wattpad.com/story/364211659-the-return-of-time

[camywamycam]

what was left behind in the rubble P.2

1,150 words

soon to be harry x reader 

summary: you moved in with your father Sirius Black from California two months ago and he completely ignores you when Harry arrives for your birthday your adoptive father visits you and hell breaks loose.

Sirius Black had many questions, as did everyone else. Harry had been talking with Sirius about something, but at this point, he couldn't remember because of how often the subject would change. that's when he heard a knock on the door and the hushed voice of Remus who was practically interrogating him. "who are you? how did you find this place" Remus said harshly. As the man was about to answer both men heard a loud gasp coming from the hallway. Harry and Sirius both watched as y/n practically jumped off the staircase into the grasp of the strange man. "I can't believe you're here!" "Of course I'm here it's not like I would've missed your birthday," Joel said in a sarcastic voice. Joel was a large man. standing 6'5 (taller than Sirius by 8 inches) and he had a scowl embedded permanently on his stubble-covered face. he was quite intimidating to put it shortly, although Harry could tell that wouldn't stop Sirius and his stupidity from picking a fight with the man. Joel smiled as he put down the strange object he was holding and spun y/n around. Harry looked at Sirius with wide eyes as Sirius stood up and walked cockily toward the much bigger man.

I'm sorry, and you are? Sirius said in a rude tone as Remus just stood back in shock. he and Molly had been trying to get you to open up to them for months. you never smiled or left your room. they would invite you to partake in activities with them but you would always refuse and opt to stay in your room with your muggle cassette tapes and guitar. seeing you switch up your demeanor and so easily jump into the arms of this random man made him reflect upon himself. maybe he should've tried harder. maybe he should try to bond with you over your interests. he felt as if he failed to be your godfather. Sirius despite having ignored you during all the time you had been staying in his house had a random rush of a fatherly authority. who was this strange man holding his daughter? Who the hell did he think he is? instead of wondering why you didn't act that way with him, he chose to ignore how happy you were with him and focus on getting this guy out of his house. "oh um Im Joel, her muggle guardian, that's what they call us right y/n? muggle?" "yeah Dad" Sirius felt his heart drop. all of a sudden his reality dawned on him. you never called him that. he never gave you the father-daughter relationship he was supposed to give you, instead he pushed you away just as he did your mother before she passed. though, he was much too prideful to let his self-reflection show in the presence of all these people. he was much too prideful to admit he had fucked up, it was a talent he carried throughout his life. his blissful ignorance. "I'm sorry but this home is being used by the order, you can't be here," he said in an attempt to get him to leave. Harry just watched as the other nosey children of the home started filling in the room silently as if they could smell conflict. Joel having picked up on the negative vibes Sirius sent his way instantly began returning the same hostility. "actually I was just about to leave" Joel said giving Sirius a fake smile "I just wanted to drop off y/ns gift before I take her out for the day" Sirius ignored the new information. he didn't know it was your birthday, he never bothered to ask. "what makes you think you can take out my daughter?" he said making a point to exaggerate the "my" "I'm not your daughter and I never will be" y/n said in a closed off tone. who the hell did he think he is? For the past month, he acted as if you didn't exist while he treated that Potter kid as if he was god himself. Joel noticed you're now closed-off manner and your fidgeting hands as he reached out to put his arm around you to calm you down. Sirius being the ignorant dumb child man he is ignored how uncomfortable you were and instead of backing down he chose to provoke Joel into arguing with her "I'm not letting some junkie take my daughter" "Oh please look at yourself you reek of cigarettes"

before Sirius could get the crap beaten out of him Remus stepped in and made him step down as you and Joel left. Remus had always wanted a family but he ignored the small one in front of him. having seen your beautiful platonic relationship with Joel Remus was now determined to make you feel more included even if he had to drag you out of your room. he was jealous and disappointed in himself.

you didn't come back for a long while. you showed Joel around the area that you were now somewhat knowledgeable about although you pretended as if you were an expert to make him impressed. Joel took you shopping in the muggle side of town, somewhere you haven't been allowed to go to. he even took you to the movies! Joel felt bad for the scene that Sirius he had caused. when you walked into the dining room the tension thickened. the children in the room looked between the adults anticipating drama. "so, how was your day with your drug dealer?" "Sirius that's eno-" "What the fuck is your problem? You never cared about me until now, stop trying to act like your my dad because you never will be!" the table went silent. "I am your father, you are my blood!" Sirius squared like a segal on drugs as Molly ushered the children up the stairs. all left but Harry since he was so entitled to push himself into your problems. "Sirius does everything for you and you treat him like shit!" Harry said ignorantly. "oh I'm treating him like shit? I've talked to him twice in the 4 months I've been here!" you retreated up to your room pushing the other teens who were eavesdropping from the staircase. you flopped on your bed as you curled up into a ball and cried.

Remus felt terrible. even if he had treated you kindly he still sat back and allowed you to be treated as if you were nothing. he should've intervened earlier but now all he can do is hope you are willing to forgive him.

Remus knocked on the door "May I come in?" Remus said wearily "Yeah sure..." Remus walked into the room that was dimly lit by your muggle "led" lights. he didn't speak. he engaged you in his warm hugs and held you as you cried. "shh it's okay, let it out."

tag list 

@moonys0chocolate @venomsvl   @quackitysdrugdealer

[thestoryofella]

before he cheats

summary: after your cheating boyfriend leaves you heartbroken, you and Sirius–mostly Sirius–drunkenly decide to teach him a lesson by keying his car.

warnings: brief sexual content, angst, hurt/comfort, mutual pining, fluff, drinking, swearing

sirius black x reader ✿ 1679 words

You were completely and utterly heartbroken. 

After a long day of work, you stopped by your boyfriend’s flat to visit him since you got off thirty minutes early. Despite dating for two years, you still hadn’t moved in together, as Chad “liked his personal space.” 

Or so you thought. Because what the woman on top of Chad was doing right now certainly didn’t look respectful of his personal space.

His bare torso gleamed with sweat, and the woman–who looked nothing like you–rolled her hips on top of him, her neck slightly tilted back. When Chad saw you in the doorway of his bedroom, his eyes widened in shock before he pushed the woman off of him, pulling a blanket to cover his body before strolling over to you in a demeanor that was entirely too confident for the situation.

“Y/N! What are you doing here?” He asked, seeming to attempt to sugarcoat his actions with an awkward and ineffective chuckle. 

“What are you doing?” You retorted back, pointing an accusatory finger towards his bare chest. You kept your voice low, trying to be mindful of his neighbors in the apartment complex. Tears gleamed in your eyes, and you almost felt embarrassed at how quickly you got worked up–something Chad made fun of you for constantly–until you spotted the woman tiptoeing to the bathroom. 

His mouth opened up a few times, seeming to try and come up with a concrete reason for what you had just seen. But he couldn’t, and after a few tries, he closed his mouth in silent defeat. 

You shook your head at him, flabbergasted by what you witnessed, before turning on your heel. Right before you left his flat, just for clarity’s sake, you muttered, “We’re done,” before opening the door, going, and slamming the door behind you. Screw the neighbors.

♡ ♡ ♡

For the next three days, your set-up in the living room of your flat was a sad sight. Atop your leather sofa were pounds of used tissues, covered in your snot and tears, and you had been in the same pair of pajamas for three days straight. For those three days, you’d rewatched your comfort movie approximately twenty times. 

It wasn’t until the third day that you heard your phone buzz for the twentieth time, the ringtone you’d chosen for your best friend Sirius blaring over the Titanic soundtrack. You finally decided to answer and quickly regretted the decision when you heard Sirius’s blaring voice over the speaker. So much for a peaceful afternoon in.

“Y/N! Why have you disappeared off the face of the planet?” Sirius’s voice rang out through the speakerphone, clear, concerned, and loud. 

After glancing at your tissue pile, you begrudgingly decided that this conversation might be better in person if you could get through it without choking over your tears. “Umm, how about I tell you over some drinks? Can you meet me at the bar in an hour?” You offered your plan as best possible, trying not to cringe at how unsure you sounded. 

Sirius huffed over the phone, clearly unsatisfied with waiting to hear your story. “Fine, but you better tell me everything.” He drawled out, settling. 

“See you then,” you replied, hanging up the phone and leaping off the couch. If you only had an hour to fix yourself up, you had to hurry.

♡ ♡ ♡

By the time you reached the bar, you were sweating. Both from the quick pace at which you had to shower and dress yourself and the even faster pace at which you had to walk to the bar to meet Sirius at your agreed time. 

When you walked into The Black Dog, you spotted Sirius’s mop of jaw-length black hair before anything else, walking over to slide into his booth. When you sat down, his eyes widened slightly before his lips turned upwards, and he smiled a winsome smile as he took in your appearance. You fought the urge to roll your eyes. 

“Looks like someone finally decided to leave the house.” 

“Shut up,” you replied quickly, sticking up your finger to tell him to wait as you ordered many tequila shots; surely, this would keep you two well-hydrated for the night. 

“Before or after we take some shots?” He asked when you returned.

“After,” you replied quickly. It took very little thought to decide you needed some alcohol in your system to get through this without either crying or feeling so embarrassed you crawled back home and never came out of your bedroom. 

Sensing your serious story, Sirius leaned back in his chair, ready to hear you vent. “Ladies first,” he gestured to the shot tray. 

In response, you slammed down two shots, chasing with a sip of water. Inhaling a breath, you began. “Chad cheated on me,” you let the words escape your lips quickly, hoping Sirius wouldn’t detect any emotion in them. 

His demeanor immediately stiffened, eyes narrowing in anger for you, but he didn’t let it show if he was angry. “Are you okay?” He muttered. The words were uncharacteristically soft for the raven-haired man, who extended his hand as he placed it on your forearm. 

“Yes,” you uttered, the word coming out as a choke. You sighed, acknowledging defeat. “Not really,” you decided to confess. 

He hummed in understanding, pushing another shot your way before downing one himself. He nodded at you to continue. 

“I mean, I don’t know what to say. We’ve been–” You sigh. “We had been dating for two years, and I come to Chad’s apartment, and he’s naked with someone who isn’t me,” you continue. “It just really sucks,” you finished, not caring to try and use fancy language. 

“You deserve better than that asshole,” Sirius declared, downing two more shots. You offered him a glassy-eyed smile in response. 

“Here, drink up. We’re going to need it,” Sirius said, pushing two more shots toward you before finishing his share. 

“For what?” You asked, finishing your share of the shots as well. 

“Revenge,” Sirius declared, a mischievous glint taking over his eye. 

“What–” You started, but before you could finish, Sirius grabbed your hand, tugging you towards the door. 

“Just trust me,” he said, interlocking your fingers before practically sprinting down the sidewalk. 

You ran along, embracing the warmth that came from his slender hands.

♡ ♡ ♡

When you got to Chad’s apartment, you decided you should not have trusted Sirius. You two stood beside Chad’s brand-new red Mercedes convertible on the sidewalk outside his flat. 

“What are we doing?” you asked, a slight slur to your words. The tequila had kicked in. 

“We are going to key Chad’s car,” Sirius announced, his voice leaving little room for argument. 

Your mouth fell open in a gape. “We cannot do that!” you whisper-shouted, shocked by his audacity. Though you had to admit, the idea was not entirely repulsive. 

“Yes, we can,” Sirius said, unlooping his carabiner from his belt loop and tossing his keys to you. 

You caught his keys with both hands, staring at the shiny medal. “He’ll know who did it,” you said. 

“In London?” Sirius huffed out. “He has no cameras, and he lives in a major city. We just have to be careful not to leave a trace.” 

You stood for a second, considering his words. Recalling the way the woman’s body moved on top of his, you decided this idea wasn’t half-bad. “Okay,” you agreed. “But you have to go first.” 

“You go first, and I’ll help,” Sirius said. 

“What do you mean by that?” You asked, confused by the proposition. 

It didn’t take a second before Sirius put his hand over yours, shoving the key between both your fingers as he grasped the top of your smaller hand. Guiding you to the driver’s door, he took control of your enclosed hands, firmly dragging the key down the fresh paint. You fought the urge to wince as it squealed had Sirius’s larger hand not kept yours in place. 

“Like this,” he breathed into your ear. Your back was pressed flush to his chest, his free hand languidly grasping your hip. You flushed at the closeness. “Now do the other side, alone,” He said, grasping your hips with both hands to guide you to the passenger's side. 

You squatted down, digging the key into the car and dragging it to the gas pump. When you looked behind you, Sirius was smiling in delight. 

“Perfect,” he muttered, but he wasn’t looking at the new damage to Chad’s car. He was looking at you. 

Suddenly, you noticed Chad’s apartment filled with golden light through a window directly above where you and Sirius stand, vandalizing his car. 

Sirius must’ve noticed, too, but he grabbed your hand and his keys again. “Fuck, we have to run,” He deduced. 

You fought the urge to squeal as your body filled with sudden adrenaline, both you and Sirius taking off in a wild sprint.

♡ ♡ ♡

You panted from the exercise when you reached a park eight blocks away, leaning against a tree as Sirius sat on the grass. Your lungs greedily took in the air. You jolted your head downwards when you heard Sirius throw his head back in a throaty laugh. 

“That was magnificent,” Sirius concluded, a broad grin overtaking his features. 

You couldn’t help but laugh with him, clutching your stomach and falling to the floor beside him. 

“Yeah, it was,” you agreed. “Thanks for convincing me to do it,” you offered up, appreciative of your best friend. 

Sirius hummed in response, brushing his thumb across your cold knuckles. “Hopefully, next time, he’ll think before he cheats,” he muttered, smiling softly at you. 

You couldn’t help but smile back, leaning your head against his warm shoulder. “Yeah,” you agreed. But with Sirius’s warm body radiating heat into yours, you could care less about Chad cheating. 

You just appreciated having Sirius here with you, and you grasped onto his hand for emphasis. You figured he felt the same way when he dragged your now enclosed hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to the back of yours.

[madwcman]

he should be here

pairing: sirius black x reader

summary: inspired by “the moment i knew” by taylor swift

warnings: angst, mentions of food, the marauders are aged up, sirius sucks, and use of y/n

authors note: it’s my birthday! so here’s my gift to you guys <3

you watch the door, you’ve been watching the door most of the evening waiting for your boyfriend sirius to walk in at any moment with a big smile on his face ready to celebrate your birthday with you. but it’s getting late and he still hasn’t shown.

you shouldn’t feel worried about this, he’s your boyfriend and he should be here for you, but sirius hasn’t been the best boyfriend to you. he doesn’t show up for you as a boyfriend should, he leaves you out a lot, hearing how he’s going out with your friends from lily and mary. but you're feeling hopeful it is your birthday after all. he’s going to be here.

“what are you doing standing here?” you turn and see your good friend, marlene. she gives you a wide smile tilting her head to look at you better. “waiting for sirius.” you mumbled, turning your whole body to speak to marls. “he’s still not here?!” she asks with a frown, upset with her friend's behavior towards you. “no he’s not.” you say simply turning to look back at the door, seeing that remus has arrived. you turn back to marlene when you hear her mumbling “when i get my hands on him.”

“it’s okay!” you give her a reassuring smile, that’s clearly fake but your hoping she’s buying it. but she can see right through your fake smile, she shakes her head at you. “it’s not okay!” you just sigh and look back at the door waiting for sirius to burst through the door with a smile.

and the hours pass by and still no sign of sirius. all of your friends and family have been asking where he is, or how he’s been and you can’t bring yourself to talk about him. your friends and family are enjoying themselves while you stand alone in your own thoughts. you weren’t enjoying yourself, you kept thinking about the one thing missing: sirius.

starting to tear up you remove yourself from your living room making your way to your bathroom. entering the bathroom, you quickly shut the door and lock it. you lean against the door and allow yourself to cry. he isn’t here. he promised he would be here for you and he didn’t keep his word. it breaks your heart to know you’re not one of sirius’ main priorities.

“y/n?” you hear james voice as he knocks on the door slowly. “i saw you rushing past us, upset. what’s wrong?” james ask. he was always concerned about what’s wrong with others, and you appreciate that about james but you want to be alone right now. “y/n you can tell me.” you hear james speak through the door, you contemplate telling him how sirius not being here really bothers you, but you don’t want sirius looking bad in front of his best friend. you hear remus and peters voices mumbling their concerns with james.

“y/n its remus what’s wrong?” and you let out a loud sob. letting them know you’re really upset. “he said he would be here!” you sniff, you bring your hands to your face; wiping the tears off your face. “who?” james asks softly, a little confused. you can’t see james but you can tell he has a small frown on his face “sirius.” peter answers sourly. “oh- i’m sure he-“ james, stutters trying to come up with some excuse for sirius. “don’t make excuses for him james.” you hear remus meanly utter to james, clearly agitated. “i’m not.” james states, and you can hear remus mumble a snippy “sure.” as he knocks on the door again. “y/n, come out please?” you rub your eyes as you open the door for james, remus and peter. they give you encouraging smiles as you meet their eyes.

“he should be here.” you whisper, more to yourself then the boys. “we know.” remus breaks the distance from you and the boys and wraps his arms around you giving you a hug. “Let's clean you up, yeah?” james says as you and remus lets go, and moves in to hug you next. “then we can sing you happy birthday!” peter states excitedly, trying to defeat the sad atmosphere. “yeah, okay.” you let go of james and go to calm yourself down.

a few minutes later go by and you calmed yourself down with the boy's help, you walk into the kitchen where the rest of your friends and family wait for you. you take a seat, as lily places down the double stacked round cake she made for you. she lights up the number shaped candles. as soon as they are lit everyone starts to sing happy birthday to you. it was almost perfect, you just wish your boyfriend could have been here for you. the song comes to an end, and you hear your friends cheer as you blow the candles out. “happy birthday y/n!” your friends say as they get handed plates of cake, you give them a wide smile before eating your first bite of cake.

the party comes to an end, most of your friends and family have left. except for james, lily, remus and peter they haven’t left yet. they stayed back to talk to you for a little but, it’s getting late and they all have finally decided it’s time to go home. “are you okay?” lily whispers as she hugs you goodbye. “yes i’m fine! i promise.” you laugh, trying to reassure lily and keep her concerns at bay. “okay.” she shakes her head, she lets go and waits for the boys to say their goodbyes. “i’m sorry sirius didn’t show up.” james speaks for them, awkwardly. you smile, shaking your head “it’s okay.” but you see remus and peter shake their heads. “it’s not!” they state at the same time. “we’ll talk to him.” peter states, seriously. you smile softly. “okay.” you say as you go to hug each of them goodbye. they all say a few more goodbyes as they walk out the door.

you’re alone now. you take a breath and slump back into your couch. just looking around your living room thinking sirius never showed up. you hear your phone ring, you know it’s sirius calling to apologize. you answer the phone “hello?” a second later sirius answers with a loud “hello!” and there’s a small pause before sirius awkwardly coughs. "hey! i'm sorry, i didn't make it.” you don’t know what to say to sirius, you really don’t feel like talking to him. you’re disappointed he didn’t show up. “i’m sorry too.” and sirius lets out a loud and maybe a little too joyful for your liking laugh. “you have nothing to be sorry for!” you pause, not knowing what to say to sirius. you sigh an “i know.” it’s quiet on sirius end, he feels guilty. “i promise i’ll stop by tomorrow.” sirius quietly promises you, but you don’t know if you believe him this time, he not good with keeping his word. “okay.” you murmur back. you and sirius have a polite small conversation about how your party went, you won’t tell him how you cried about him not showing up, you’re sure remus, peter and james will give him an earful about it. and the phone call ends with quick goodbyes and that was the moment you knew this relationship with sirius wouldn’t work.

[remusluvr]

do i wanna know? | sirius black

summary: Sirius learns the consequences of treating people he loves bad. content: negative thoughts, fighting, angst, unedited note: this is a part two to my previous fic words i used (sirius black)

Sirius cannot believe how badly he messed up.

It makes his heart ache when he sees you talking to anyone knowing that you won't talk to him. You won't even glance at him in the hallway. The dark circles under his eyes worsen with each day. You notice them, of course, you do because no matter how hard you try to forget the boy, you can't.

Not talking to him is driving you crazy. Seeing him around is driving you crazy. You hate to admit it but you miss Sirius. And Sirius misses you.

He misses you so much that his body hurts. He's weighed down in bed each morning, unable to decide whether or not to even try and get up. That's when James realizes he needs to step in. He can't let his best friend hurt like this.

"Pads?" he calls quietly, peeling back the curtains to Sirius's bed. Sirius groans, turning away from the incoming sunlight. James mumbles an apology, although he doesn't really mean it, before continuing, "Time to get up. You missed class yesterday, you got to go today or they won't let you play in the quidditch game on Friday."

"I don't care about quidditch." James knows he's not getting anywhere. He won't budge without initiative. If quidditch can't be that initiative for him, he has to find what will work.

"Can you please just go and talk to him? Please!" James begs, practically on his hands and knees in front of the table you're trying to eat breakfast at. "You know you still like him. Feelings don't go away that easily. He's so mopey without you."

"He did that to himself, James."

"I know he did but he really likes you. He messed up big time. He knows that. All he wants is to talk to you."

"He had plenty of time to talk to me."

James looks defeated when you stand up, walking past him quickly. And whilst he thinks he's lost, you're stuck thinking about the conversation. You hate yourself for considering talking with Sirius. But you miss him so much, it would be nice to just talk to him for a little bit. You don't have to forgive him.

That's not a good idea. You know that you will forgive him if he starts trying to explain himself again. You won't let yourself be hurt like that again.

Although, your inner debate lasts for days and you find yourself in a similar position to Sirius's - rotting away in your bed, refusing to talk to anyone. You're grateful that it is midday on a Wednesday because there is no one around when you finally get yourself out of bed and out for a walk.

Your feet take you to an old spot that you and Sirius frequented. There's a big oak tree that overlooks the black lake. You and him would often bring a picnic out here or you'd come out here and cuddle away from prying eyes. You hate it here now.

And you hate it even more when you get closer, crunching a leaf under your foot, and scaring the boy sitting against the trunk. Sirius jolts up, rubbing at his eyes as he adjusts to the light.

"Did you sleep out here?"

"N-not for very long, only got here a little bit ago."

You nod idly, beginning to turn on your heel to leave when he reaches out for you. His hand grabs yours and the look on his face nearly has your resolve breaking.

"Can we talk, please? Just give me five minutes," he pleads, not letting go of your hand until he sees you nod your head. You pull your hand from his and go sit down on his blanket. He joins you. It feels just like old times if you don't think about all the hurt and cruel words spoken to each other.

"I miss you so much," he starts, noticing the way your arms are crossed over your chest and you're sitting as far as you can from him, "And I am so sorry that I treated you the way that I did. I should have grown a pair and asked you out properly but I didn't. I fucked up so bad. I hate that you're not talking to me. And I hate that I deserve it. You obviously don't have to forgive me but I just needed to talk to you."

His hands are shaky as they rest in his lap. You're not saying anything and he wants to cry. You hate him and you'll never forgive him and he wants to steal a time-turner.

"You made me feel so special, Sirius. All I wanted was for you to ask me out. And when I say that is all I wanted I mean that that is all I wanted. You made me think that I would get that one day. Seeing you with other girls made me think that I was just a joke to you. I feel so stupid. And I feel any stupider that I miss you."

"If you give me a chance, I'll prove to you how much I love you. I know you have no reason to believe me but I want to show you."

"Y-you love me?" Your voice is shaky and you curse yourself. His face drops and if you weren't so shocked, you would've laughed. He doesn't try to backtrack instead just sitting there, eyes trained on the blanket pattern.

You were screwed from the beginning of this conversation. You knew you shouldn't have stayed and listened.

"If you hurt me, Sirius, you won't survive it," you threaten, pushing yourself into his lap. He can't believe it and tears sting at the corners of his eyes. He knows it's embarrassing but it feels so good to have you touching him again. "I love you, too."