#i’m not sure if i’ll actually use it

[vintage-bentley]

I do not feel comfortable being openly homosexual in the company of “queer” people. Even hinting that I experience absolutely no attraction to the male sex is stressful, because often this results in a bunch of questions that equally feel like bafflement and interrogation. “What about THESE men?” No, not them either. No men. “But this man identifies as a woman!” I am not wired to be attracted to pronouns. “What about this man? He’s femme!” He is still a man, and I am still a lesbian. “So just no men at all?” YES. What is so hard to understand about that? Why can’t you just accept that female homosexuality exists, that it isn’t an evil ideology, and that it’s just how I and many other women are born? Why can you accept and understand so many things, but draw the line at a woman having no interest in the male sex?

[electrozeistyking]

tomorrow

[a-stars-art-blog]

I think about them too much. Exhibit Z

[tommykinard6]

Should I be eating and resting? Yes. Am I? No, so come join me for a dissertation on Tommy Kinard being lonely.

Edit to add a note since I saw a reblog about it: Tommy has no canonical age right now and Lou is 39, 40 later this year, so that is my basis for saying he’s 39.

Now when I say lonely, I don’t mean that he has no one whatsoever. I can picture him going for drinks with his team or having some Muay Thai buddies that he could call up if he really was inclined. Maybe an old army buddy or two.

But there’s something about Tommy that’s just achingly lonely, both when he was at the 118 and now at Harbor.

Tommy had a broken home, or some other kind of unstable childhood. Maybe his parents split, maybe he was mistreated, maybe he was in the system or was passed around family members. Maybe he was isolated as a child because he was a little overweight (I think Lou said something along those lines) and was bullied. I think Tommy didn’t really have any friends until high school, when puberty hit and maybe he started working out and probably joined the football team. I don’t know if anyone remembers what teenage boys are like, but I can imagine they were the same as they are today back in the 90s/early 00’s. Because around this time, Tommy might’ve started to realize that something was very different about him.

Now this isn’t a meta about how I think Tommy dealt with his sexuality (maybe I’ll do one of those later) but I think he never would’ve risked his football friends knowing even if he himself could acknowledge it, which I doubt. So he messed around, got in trouble with these guys, hung out with the bros, and pretended to be interested in girl talk.

Of course, eventually, his buddies all got girlfriends and he was always the odd one out again.

He didn’t do college. The army was his next step. And I feel like this might have been the first time in his life he wasn’t lonely. He’d learned to blend in by this point and he worked with some great people. But as he started making real friends for the first time, he also started losing them as the war tore them away.

Tommy left the army and joined the fire department. There was an aching hole where the camaraderie of the army had filled previously and with no education beyond a high school diploma, Tommy thought the fire department would replicate that. Not the police though. He’d had enough of guns.

(And ohhhh now so many ideas on his thoughts during the sniper)

But he ended up at the 118 and quickly realized that his team had maybe more of a DADT stance than the army. He realized that he had to put on an elaborate act to fool his fellow firefighters, who had more time on their hands and more prejudice they were willing to wield to pick apart his life. Tommy, who maybe had only just started to acknowledge he felt differently about guys with less panic than before, had no choice but to backslide. He acted and acted and crafted a person he wasn’t until the day that maybe he was. Sal was his closest buddy at the 118 and Tommy had no doubt that Sal would be one of the first to make his life hell. Gerrard seemed to look at Tommy as some sort of mentee. Boxed in by two notorious bigots, Tommy had never felt more claustrophobically alone.

Chim was the first one to reach out a hand of friendship, or at least the first one that didn’t come with caution tape, but he was also an “other” and Tommy, who was confused and afraid and had just had his captain call his bluff on his fake girlfriend, lashed out. Then he allowed Chim in and Chim wasn’t interested in being besties but he was a great drinking buddy and movie buddy and Tommy felt safest around him.

Then Hen came and Tommy watched her get the same treatment he was afraid of. Not that he had to worry about the racism, and he was aware of the privilege, but Hen didn’t exactly hide herself and he watched them bully his lesbian coworker. He let himself get pulled into it all and hated himself for it, but was too cowardly to break away from it. He wasn’t sure why Hen had forgiven him, but she became the only other person on shift he felt even a little safe around other than Howie. But then Chimney and Hen became best friends and Tommy fell to the wayside. They still included him, sure, but they were always a pair and there was something there that Tommy didn’t know but longed for. A closeness he’d never felt.

A best friend. A juvenile idea to him, but one he’d never truly had.

Then Gerrard was gone and Sal got transferred and the 118 moved forward under Captain Nash, but Tommy felt left behind, even in what was the most united A shift team yet. Because he was over 30 and was starting to be unable to ignore everything that he’d had to hide under Gerrard, as he no longer had a distraction from it.

He’d been a pilot in the army, so he transferred to Harbor. And Harbor was great. He wasn’t best buds with anyone (he was starting to think that was never in the cards for him) but his team didn’t carry the same baggage that the 118 had.

So Tommy started to come to terms with himself. He started to date for the first time and came out to his team. And he had several boyfriends, but most couldn’t handle the job or his baggage or the desperate need he had to be wanted. His most long term partner cheated and the one he fell hardest for couldn’t deal when Tommy was injured on the job. Even within his own relationships, he felt like he was destined to stand alone.

Tommy was 39 years old and alone, as always, when Chimney walked back into his life, dragging an adorable and also extremely hot blonde and a stoic brunette that radiated ex military in a way only ex military could know. And then Hen was there and they were trying to rescue their captain and his wife and they clearly loved each other fiercely and like family.

And as Tommy listened, flying through the remnants of a cat 5 hurricane, he thought to himself that he should’ve never left. Simply just never found himself if only that meant being part of the family the 118 was now. However, he knew deep down that he still would’ve been alone and on the outside.

And they rescued the survivors and Tommy thought that was it but then Eddie wanted to hang out. And they liked the same things and had similar experiences and Tommy couldn’t help the hope. Because the loneliness had grown stifling and now he could breathe a little. And then Evan, the cute blonde, wanted a tour of the hanger and he thought that maybe he was being hit on.

And then at the end of it all, Tommy was left realizing that he’d wedged himself between two best friends and that was what happened when he allowed himself to hope. So he went to Evan to apologize. He would get Evan and Eddie to talk to each other and then would fade into the background.

But then Evan was sweet and apologetic and told him that he was part of the 118 family simply by helping them. Tommy couldn’t help it. Here he was, at 39, with a little boy still waiting inside of him to be soothed. And Evan was hot and sweet and Tommy couldn’t help himself.

And he really liked Evan. Evan was adorable. But their first date didn’t go as planned and Tommy knew he was already whipped. So he removed himself before someone could get hurt. Evan deserved better and so did he, even if the loneliness was stifling again.

But then Evan texted him and looked at him with sparkling blue eyes over too sweet coffee and wanted him. Him. He wanted Tommy and to have something with Tommy and he wanted him to come to his sister’s wedding with him.

And Tommy looked at him and saw someone who could finally fill the ache he’d felt his whole life. He saw a man who he knew he wanted to take a chance with. All he had to do was jump.

And he did.

And it wasn’t solved, not immediately and never fully. Too many wounds were left gaping for too long to ever heal. But for the first time in his life, at 39, with the 118 surrounding him and Buck as the sunshine at his side, Tommy finally felt at peace.

[i-reblog-everything44]

The fandom when Anya is nice to jimmy and compliments/butters him up after the crash: obviously this is a fawn response. She doesn’t actually think these things about jimmy, she is simply trying to protect herself against a volatile, unstable person by placating him

The fandom when curly tries to placate jimmy by telling Jimmy he’d fix things, after being very nervous about jimmy’s anger and reaction when talking to Anya right beforehand and his heart racing so hard on the way to confront jimmy that he’s likely on the verge of a panic or anxiety attack: hmm. Obviously everything curly is saying to jimmy here is completely genuine and not motivated by anything. He obviously doesn’t care about the fact jimmy raped Anya and only cares about helping jimmy at the detriment to Anya. He’s a rape apologist. There could literally be no other potential explanation for why curly is saying the things he is saying right now. Let’s take everything curly is saying here completely at face value and not analyze anything else about Curly’s behavior or the rest of the scene.

[seriously why are people only capable of recognizing the fawn response in Anya and not Curly]

[jitters-art]

one piece sketch request... my beloved robin? (⁠灬⁠º⁠‿⁠º⁠灬⁠)⁠♡

I LOVE YOU ROBINNNNNNNNNN

[galacticglitterglue]

it’s so fucking annoying getting recommended blogs and I’m like “oh sweet! a new fun blog to follow that posts ST things and other cool stuff!!” and then I’m immediately hit with the “I hate Billy Hargrove and if you stan him get the fuck off my blog and stop defending him and stop shipping him and stop trying to change canon and if you post anything about him or ship him get the fuck off my blog and LEAVE!!!” bullshit

girl… if a fictional character causes you that much fucking damage I suggest perhaps maybe filtering his name or blacklisting the tags, you don’t gotta straight up throw a fucking fit about it ???

theres plenty of fandoms or ships or characters I don’t like or don’t give a fuck about, and you know what I do? I just filter that shit out and go about my life. do I ever in my life wanna see content about Hamilton or SuperWhoLock or whatever? No!! do I rage about it and tell people to fuck off?? No!! I just block the tags and let people vibe with whatever the fuck they want to. Even in the ST fandom there’s characters and ships I don’t care for, but do I give a single fuck if people post about them? Hell no!! I just block the tags or filter posts that are focused on things I don’t care for.

The features are free and easy to use, AND you don’t have to be a dick about it either!! Like did we forget this is a fictional universe full of fictional characters that is a tv show and not real life??? Did we forget that these characters have no actual impact on basically anything besides the way you choose to let your ideas of them affect you??

I know this is literally just me screaming into the void, and it really means nothing, but all I can think about when I see people get super fucking pissed off and ANTI (insert whatever here) is this:

[nicolibbyquotes]

Nicolibby:

[kate-bot]

I NEED more peppino x gus

don’t worry just because i stopped drawing them for like 2 seconds doesn’t mean i am not constantly thinking about these homos 🫶🫶🫶 i’ll find time to draw more of them i promise

[azaisya]

Another new campaign npc I can’t talk about! I feel like the use of red here makes him look v evil but he’s not. He almost had indigo accents instead, but one of my players picked the indigo god for their patron god and I wanted to pick the opposite god for this guy so the red god it was

[elizakai]

gahdamn being in a fandom for close to ten years makes a bitch forget vital canon information

[laeana]

I’ll just add this, but after pulling the story of underdogs as “we don’t have the fastest car” that Lando even reinforced recently in an interview, after trying to paint redbull as cheaters (which isn’t the case) to show themselves more legitimate (when the actual cheating was done by McLaren, or I guess “loophole”, but that still led to them having to change all of this rear wings, for those who still don’t know about it), now the discourse of the fia is biased toward Max and helping him! is coming out.

Of course that’s how any team can try to win the support of the public, but don’t come talking about dirty tactics when your team is using it.

[raiiny-bay]

got a tablet recently so now i can draw on the go >:-)

[fagbearentertainment]

Can’t kill myself after the election, I have animation memes to archive

[ssruis]

hit ‘em with the lmm pose birthday boy

Me: idk what to draw for tsukasa’s birthday

This picture hiding in the depths of my photo library:

[vigilskeep]

by the way i’ve started what’s planned to be an astarionmance run because i’m told that if i want to see respect shown to dwarf/elf romance in astarionfucker circles i have to be the change i wish to see in the world. honestly have to do everything myself around here