#i’m not even hurt or upset im just??? it was so out of nowhere??? i barely even saw him until he passed by and said that????

[aroace-poly-show]

did. i just get a guy calling me the n word. hello

[laiiaaa]

SARDINES — CARMEN BERZATTO

summary Carmen seems a little off when you visit him, and you try to figure out why. For once, you pry him open.

length 3.2k

contents angst, hurt/comfort, he's really an angel even if he's closed off n stubborn, very very emotional, lots of negative self-talk from Carm, he cares so so much, relationship talk, everything resolves in the end dw <3

It takes more than a few knocks for Carmen to open the door. If you counted correctly, it took six tries, plus a phone call. So you shouldn’t be surprised that when he finally does open the door, he barely gives you a kiss on the cheek and mumbles Hey before turning his back to you again, back in the kitchen with his phone face up on the counter. He’s antsy, almost talking to himself, checking his phone every five seconds.

You walk in and lock the door behind you as you take off your shoes, and you drop your bag on the coffee table, which houses little else other than a remote and a day-old mug with coffee staining a ring in the bottom. “…Everything okay?”

He leans into the counter with his weight on his hands and spares you a glance and a haphazard nod. “Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine—just waitin’ for my guy to call back.”

“Isn’t it a little late for that?” Sitting down on the couch, part of you expects him to join you without being asked. Your back and feet ache, and all you want is for Carmen to lay with you, ease his hands up and down your spine, and watch the first thirty minutes of a random film before falling asleep.

“No, no—he usually answers when I need ‘im.” But he’s working. He’s at home, and you’re waiting on him, but he’s working. He seems to be prioritizing that a lot lately—a lot more than usual, at least. Running a hand through his hair, he watches the screen again, and mutters to himself, “Thirty fuckin’ minutes. Fuck you.”

You peek over the back of the couch. “Are you sure everything’s okay? You sound upset.”

“Yeah, baby, I’m—fuck this—” He derails from answering and instead picks up the phone again, calling and letting the dial tone ring out the second time this hour. He waits with his hand on his hip and his lip tugged between teeth.

You know ‘his guy’ doesn’t pick up when he drops his phone on the counter again with a sigh and another muffled profanity. “Carm?”

His head rests between his hands, but he lifts it to look at you. “Yeah?” 

“Can you come sit with me, please?”

God, how you tug on his heart strings when you ask, your voice all sweet and dripping honey, you make it impossible to resist. “‘F course, yeah,” he answers, pocketing his phone and turning off the kitchen light before joining you. 

He loops an arm over your shoulder as he presses his lips to your temple, and his heart skips a beat or two when you snuggle into him with your hand splayed against his chest. The two of you stare off at nothing in particular, soaking in the touch of the other. You smell so distinctly like you—like home—he’d be getting lightheaded in the best way if he weren’t so…so caught up in everything you help him escape: work, the fringe family, being so dead tired that in his mind he can’t tell where his kitchen ends and the fire begins. But that phone call he’s waiting on. It’s poking needles in the nape of his neck. 

You sit up after a couple minutes, keeping a hand planted over his heart when you look at him. “I can literally feel how anxious you are.” He scoffs, but before he can protest you add, “Seriously, Carm, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s—everything’s just…” He looks off into nowhere behind you, his free hand making circles in the air like the words will fall into his palm if he tries hard enough. He stumbles for a few moments until he looks you in the eye again, a bit pained when he tells you, “Everything’s fine, baby.” The arm that was hooked over your shoulder is now curled around your waist, and his fingers, rough and scarred, trace meaningless shapes into your back, teasing beneath the hem of your top. “You don’t have to worry ‘bout it, alright?”

You’re unconvinced. You shuffle your hips around to straddle his, placing your hands on his shoulders with your thumbs carefully massaging the sides of his neck. Like clockwork, his hands take purchase of your waist, and he brings one to slide down over the curve of your ass before smoothing circles into your thigh. He always seems to speak to you in this way—maybe about as much as he tells you he loves you through his food—the physical connection much easier to manage than trying to crack open the rock-hard shell in his chest.

You lean into him a little more, your back arching ever so slightly. “You know I want you to keep me in the loop. What’s the guy for now?”

He sighs. “It’s just—shit with the stoves ‘n it’s messin everyone up, the kitchen’s basically a fire hazard, ‘n I really need him to answer his damn phone before something…” He shrugs. “…Before something just, I dunno, blows up, I guess.”

“Well, nobody’s even in that kitchen right now, so no explosions just yet.” You eye him for a moment, biting at your lip in contemplation when he doesn’t smile quite like he usually does at your drier jokes. “Is there something else bothering you?”

His brows furrow. “No, no—why, why’re you askin’ it like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like, like…” He shakes his head as if it pains him to consider it. “Like there’s somethin’ wrong with me, or, or somethin’ I’m hidin’—”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Carm, c’mon.” Your voice goes softer, hands a little gentler as you cradle his jaw in your palms. “I just want you to let me in.”

He takes a deep breath through his nose. “You’re always sayin’ stuff like that,” he mumbles, and you can feel the vibration of his voice through your hands through to your heart.

“Because I mean it.” The AC whirrs nearby, almost muffling your words. “I want you to tell me about the things that bother you. I would never judge you.”

You’re so tender with Carmen, he thinks he could melt into a puddle on the floor, left to seep into the floorboards and through the ceiling of his downstairs neighbor. And he feels the words bubbling to the surface, the emotion pooling, red-hot behind his eyes, an answer burning at the back of his throat and clawing through his chest rough enough that the kisses you scatter from his cheek, to his jaw, to his neck do little to aid his wounds. But when he answers you, it’s tame. “I do tell you about things.”

“You do, but…” You wrap your arms around his neck and nuzzle into the space between it and his shoulder. “I’m just thinking about this game I used to play when I was a kid, sardines.”

His head tilts back against the back of the couch, and your breath dances along his skin while his hands smooth along the bumps of your spine. “Sardines?”

“Mhm,” you hum, “It’s kinda like…hide and go seek, but reversed. One of us would hide, and when someone found us, they’d squeeze into that spot too. And I remember being terrible at it, because we’d be making faces at one another in our little hiding spot, and I could never stop giggling, and I’d just expose everyone too soon.”

He chuckles quietly to himself. “I can picture that, you laughin’ while shoved in a closet.” His fingertips trace your shoulder blades.

“Pretty much how it went. Always too loud.”

“But I like hearing you laugh. I—I always feel better…gettin’ to see you all happy.” He’s thinking he got a little too caught up in the moment, and before you can say anything back, he asks, “What were you thinkin’ about the game, then?”

“It’s a little stupid to say it out loud,” you start.

“‘S not stupid, promise.”

You pause, hesitant. “…Okay.” One quick kiss to his neck before you continue, eyes closed to sink into him, “I just like to think that, eventually, you’ll let me in like…like it’s a game of sardines, or something. That I’ll just…squeeze in right beside you, and—and you’ll let me be there for you without pushing me away.”

He hums, low and drawn out to give you a beat to breathe.

“Sometimes I just want you to tell me what it is that’s bothering you, just to…make it easier on you a little bit, knowing someone’s in your corner. Just to be there.” Your fingers twirl into his messy curls and scratch at the nape of his neck the way he likes, and his silence drags on long enough to make you anxious.

But Carmen, too, is anxious. His chest is tight, his hands fidgety, and he’s sure—he knows, he feels it in his gut—that he needs to say something, anything. But he can’t find the words. They swirl in the back of his mind, and he can taste them crawling to the tip of his tongue, but they never become clear. They lurk where he can’t see them, and he keeps his thoughts on lockdown for you, because he’s been convinced along the way somehow in his decades of living that it’s easier, for him, if he keeps the softer parts stowed away, never to be seen again. He’s starting to think you’re trouble, that you make him softer where he grew to be tough. So it’s muffled and covered by his palms smoothing up your waist when he asks, “Sit up for me a bit, baby?”

And you listen, of course, because really you’re thankful he didn’t kick you out by now. Your vision is blurry from tears pooling in your eyes, but his hands—so, so gentle, the touch barely there like he thinks you could break—cup your jaw and urge you a little closer, his thumbs stroking your cheeks and wiping away stray tears. The two of you gravitate closer until your noses brush by one another and you exchange breath, until he leans into you and slots his lips against yours. He’s hesitant and careful, he doesn’t know if it’s quite the right thing to do or if it’s says what he needs it to, but when you prop your hands against his chest and kiss him back he knows part of you needs it like he does. 

Both of you need it—that silent exchange, emotions spilled between sweet kisses and kind hands. So you stay that way, with Carmen’s hands holding you close to keep you from running away, and yours answer back I’m here, until he pulls away, eyes closed, to rest his forehead against yours. 

He keeps himself blind when he whispers, “I know…” You can tell he’s mulling over his thought, so you wait for him to add, “I—I know, that you’re in my corner. An’ I want you there, alright?”

You try to soak in the feeling, so close and seemingly getting closer, a little breathless from his kisses as much as his words. “Alright.”

“I just—I just get so, so stuck in my head that I…” He swallows. “I can’t tell half the time if there’s anything even worth sayin’, I’m just spaced out ‘n…going fuckin’ crazy.” His brows furrow against yours. “I’m not used to stuff like this.”

“I know.”

His hands rest along the curve of your face a little firmer when he suggests, “But I can try—to, to, uh, tell you things, to let you in, or, or however you put it—I—” A deep breath. “I’m so fuckin’ bad at this, I’ve never done this, but—but I’ll try, for you, alright? You tell me, an’ I’ll try for you.”

You nod against him.

“Fuck,” he hisses, “I just—it’s just—I like this, y’know? Being with you, I like what we have, I—I like doing this, and—I wanna…I wanna make you happy. The same way you do for me…” He goes quiet and shakes his head a little, anticipating his next words. “I don’t wanna fuck it up.”

You can’t fight the smile that pulls at your lips, even if it is bittersweet. “You aren’t gonna fuck it up, okay? Being with you already makes me happy. I know you’re trying.”

“But trying isn’t…it’s not always enough, an’ I know in some ways—in a lotta ways, probably, I’m not…I—I’m not the best at saying things, an’—shit, am I—am I saying too much—?”

“No, Carm, no. I want you to keep talking.” You take his lips in another gentle kiss, your stomach whirring warm and content.

“I don’t really know what to say, or—”

“It’s okay,” you coo. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but…if there was something else bothering you earlier…you can tell me.”  You pull back a little to really look at him, running your fingers through his curls and making him gently close his eyes. “And I’ll just say okay, and then we can move on. I won’t say anything unless you want me to.”

He hums with his eyes still closed, his mouth in a smirk. “Mm, like sardines.” It’s a little snarky when he says it, but when his thumbs brush beneath your top, you know he’s just thinking over his options. 

“Yes, like sardines.” You’re a little embarrassed, but also a little thankful that he followed the bit.

He waits for a few moments, just breathing, letting you smooth your hands through his hair and over his shoulders and down his chest. It’s calming, he realizes—simply existing in the same space, careful touches and brief kisses. He runs his palms from the back of your waistband to the plane between your shoulder blades and presses gently, urging you to lean against him once again. When your head rests against his chest, he takes in a deep breath through the nose and out the mouth. He watches the ceiling. 

“There’s…” Another pause. “It’s not just the stove that’s botherin’ me.” 

You don’t answer him, not even a hum to acknowledge he’s said anything, and he realizes that you were serious about the whole ‘not saying anything’ bit. 

“I…fuck, I don’t even know how to say any ‘f this. I think…I think I’m just freakin’ out about…about everything. The restaurant…you…” There’s a long, heavy pause, a shaky breath. “An’—an’ that’s it, really, besides family I guess—which is really fuckin’ pathetic when I say it out loud.” A sniffle. “Real pathetic. But all I’ve had is fuckin’…fuckin’ cooking, an’ working, an’ dealin’ with my family ‘n fuckin’ Richie all my life—” His chest gets, tight, a hand leaves your back to run over his mouth. “God, an’ I am so fucked up,” he laughs.

You were already crying before, and the tears keep coming, streaming from your eyes to your cheeks and staining Carmen’s shirt. You’re not sure whether he even realizes.

“I’m fucked up, and you’re just—you’re so perfect, compared t’me, ‘cause you’re all smart, an’ you always know the right thing to say ‘n how to say it, an’ you’re just in a completely different world sometimes, an’ I want in—I wanna be able to do things for you, all of it, but—” He needs to catch his breath. He needs water. He needs sleep. His throat is sore and scratchy, he feels his pulse pounding in his forehead. “I’m just…scared…that—that I could fuck you up, too.”

His chest expands beneath you, and you’re shaking, biting at your lips to stifle sobs. Part of you wants to sit up and hold him close, tell him that he’s the perfect one and you’re anything but, that all he’s ever been is made for you, that maybe he is fucked up, but you don’t care because you love him all the same—you love him.

Carmen isn’t used to this reaction. He’s used to explosions, yelling, screaming, pointing fingers with hot tears, saying what he shouldn’t, saying what hurts, guilt smacking him across the face for years to come. He’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. He feels your trembling and holds you that much gentler. 

“Baby,” he starts, “Hey, lemme see you, you’re shaking—” He tries to peel you from his torso, prodding at your sides until you wipe at your eyes and sit yourself up. His hands reach to hold your wet face. “What—what’s wrong?”

You push his arms away. “Sardines, Carm.” You try to stay true to your word—that you’d take what he says, and only store it away—but you’d be lying if you said you’re not struggling to keep more tears at bay. 

“I want you to talk to me. You said you’d talk if I wanted you to, I—I need you to talk to me, c’mon, please—”

“This is so wrong—I’m the one who should be comforting you—”

“Hey, hey hey hey—” He smooths a hand over your hair and presses kisses to the tear stains on your cheeks. “That doesn’t matter to me. That doesn’t matter to me, alright?” He holds you steady, waits for you to meet his eyes, and when you look at him, it’s like he can see right through you. His thumbs brush away your tears, and your breathing settles.

You sigh, your hands moving from his chest to his shoulders. “We’re such a mess.”

Carmen shakes his head, mind full of you as his eyes trail the contours of your face, the plush of your lips when your teeth bite at them. “Wouldn’t wanna be with anyone else.” His hands touch your waist again and ease you into him, buzzing with your soft curves in his grasp. It’s more than therapeutic, he thinks. Life-sustaining might be more accurate.

You nod, and your fingertips graze along his cheekbones before you plant a soft, yearning kiss to his mouth.

He kisses you again because he can’t help himself, and he might be too scared to look you in the eye when he says it, but eyes closed or not, he means it. “You’re so good to me.” His arms wrap around you again, addicted to feeling your weight beneath his skin, and he presses his lips to your jaw. “So fuckin’ good to me,” he repeats, lower than a whisper like it slipped by without thinking. 

You card your hands through his hair, messily beautiful, and answer, “You deserve someone good,” just as quiet as he is.

He swears his heart stops, and his lips trail from your jaw down to your neck. “You’re too good to me,” he says again, with a bit more honesty in the change. He knows you, so he already knows what you’re going to say, and that any other time he’d deny it.

You hum, a warm smile curling the corners of your mouth as you pull him closer to your chest, grazing your lips by his hairline for a gentle kiss. “No such thing.”

And for the first time, with his arms wrapped tight around your waist with a gentleness reserved only for you, and with your body slotted against his, he really starts to believe it.

[nightcolorz]

Going to vent to you because this seems like a safe space for Armand sympathizers lol…

LIKE obviously Armand is doing all the wrongs, he didn't have to agree to literally any of this, blah blah etc etc BUT GIRL. if the guy i had been casually dating for two years because he had great benefits one day revealed to me that he was a child sex slave, the thing i would not do is be like 'wow, i guess what you're secretly saying is you want me to turn our relationship into an unnegotiated 24/7 TPE huh'.

And then when he came to me in a panic to tell me his life is falling apart and his employees are plotting to kill him and his protection isn't going to last much longer and i should flee the country for my own safety because he's the most vulnerable he's ever been since the time he was abducted by the crazy torture cult, the thing i absolutely would not do at that moment is surprise him by introducing that dynamic into our relationship completely out of nowhere and then order him to stay right here because I've got a totally cool plan to outmanipulate his enemies and I'll be his master now :)

And then I orchestrate a series of hot public encounters where i blur the lines of being angry and disgusted with him right up against ignoring the boundaries he sets and telling him to do whatever i want wherever i want. and because i never bothered to ask him, i don't know if he's genuinely into it or if it's because i've weaponised his trauma when he's feeling unstable, but like, he's the one who manipulated me into doing this anyway by telling me his sad backstory, so actually i'm the victim here??

AND THEN when I tell him my awesome idea of turning a nazi collaborator into a human eating monster machine and I want him to do it even though he is clearly revulsed by this idea from every angle, I'll berate him endlessly for refusing and be annoyed with him because by saying no he's making me turn her and that's not cool bro, and when he begs me not to do it, or at least not to tell him because it's breaking the rules and he's vulnerable to the machinations of the coven rn, I'll shut him up with my dom routine, and then tell him to come watch because he'll realize he does actually want it after he does it.

and when he asks me whether this is a genuine invitation in this moment or if I'm ordering him to do it and will be upset if he doesn't, I'll be so hurt and angry with him because wow, I can't believe after months of using my nonconsensual game of acting like his childhood master to get him to do things for me, he's acting like I'd use my nonconsensual game of pretending to be his childhood master against him, fuck you for trying to manipulate me right now you worthless piece of shit </3.

like even daniel, the most neutral and ethical judge of whether it's okay to make someone a vampire, can tell the only reason he'd set his one boundary at murdering and cursing another human being for eternity is because it's not hot or convenient, and not because of 500 years of witnessing the most insane vampire maker shenanigans known to Europe.

and then the entire audience claps because honestly i'm just trying so hard and my boyfriend just keeps fucking it all up for me and taking away my choices. literally what else could i have done in this situation :(

AHHHH ANON U ATE THIS UP ‼️🙏 and Yes this is absolutely THE safe place for Armand sympathizers!! I am the Armand sympathizer king and u have just brought me an Armand sympathizer gift lined with gold and jewels and placed it in front of my thrown and I’m knighting u Armand sympathizer general as I bow before u

ur so right and it’s actually so crazy to me that this isn’t a more popular take. it’s insane to me bcus im remembering how seriously this fandom was taking Claudia’s s1 sexual assault and how sensitively it was being discussed and now these same ppl r insisting that it’s unfair to “demonize” Louis for preforming non consensual bdsm with a csa victim without any safe word or prior discussion specifically because he told him about his csa and Louis found a chance to leverage control in this relationship. I saw someone insisting that it’s ridiculous to interpret Louis as sexually exploitative for being a pimp because he was a nice pimp and he was self aware about how pimping was bad and like ??? 😭😭 how do I even argue with that, that is just so absurd I’m lost for words. No guys he was one of the good pimps because he “didnt take advantage of his position” (😭⁉️) and he knew that it was wrong to sexually exploit vulnerable women and just chose to do it anyway so see it wasn’t that bad. And because Louis knows sexual abuse is wrong and chooses to do it anyway despite this he clearly isn’t mirroring the sexual abuse Armand experienced in his non consensual power play dynamic with him because uh yeah he wouldn’t do that ig 😭. It’s not like Louis canonically is capable of using sexual exploitation to manipulate people’s vulnerabilities for his stability and gain. Like guys book Louis also felt guilty for being a slave owner and knew it was wrong 😭😭 am I gonna hear “it’s unfair to say Louis being a slave owner was indicative of his negative traits cuz he felt bad about it” come out of ur mouths 😭⁉️cuz oh my god I hope not 😭 “Louis was only a pimp because pimping was his way of keeping his family afloat and asserting the masculine identity he felt obligated to preform for his safety” and he is doing the same thing with Armand guys obviously??!! He is taking advantage of armand’s history of sexual abuse to keep himself safe from vulnerability with the coven and to assert his masculine identity as a shield like 😭 and that doesn’t stop what he’s doing from being wrong like no fucking shit. He’s a complex character and his actions come from a place of fear and not straight forward evil, but that doesn’t mean u have to defend literal sexual abuse to analyze that and to enjoy Louis as ur favorite character 😭 I keep saying this but louis is a great character and there’s nothing wrong with him being ur fav but it is pretty mf weird to insist that everything he does is ok when things that he do include like, non consent 😭

I feel ur annoyances so hard anon, it’s driving me a lil crazy rn cuz in s2 ep6’s wake i have barely seen anyone discuss the Louis fucking Armand in the coffin scene like it was pretty shitty and abusive and not like, non complexly hot and fun and nothing else. Like, Armand has been panicking for a while and insisting to Louis that he is loosing respect from the coven and therefore his control and he’s in danger because of it, and Louis decides to stroll into Armand’s office unannounced, demand he strip for him immediately, demand again without any room for argument when Armand says he can’t, and then fuck Armand in view and ear shot of the whole coven in a degrading power assertion that Louis knows will put Armand in even more of a vulnerable and compromising position, like ?? I get it read the pages to me while I fuck u was pretty hot but omg can we talk about this with some nuance 😭⁉️ this is possibly the most overt instance of Louis not asking, *demanding* that Armand sexually submit and preform for him specifically as a grab to assert dominance over the coven. And Armand of course won’t say no, he’s been quite literally trained to believe that he has services that people r entitled to take from him at any time because he’s a product to be used. He also believes that saying no is not an option because submitting to the master will keep him safe, and Louis I think knows this to an extent and knows that taking advantage of this will help him stay afloat. I believe that this scene was a significant contributor to Armand deciding to betray Louis, because Louis’s actions *do* put him in danger with the coven and cause him to loose his position of power (Santiago mocking him for getting fucked by Louis cough cough). And Armand at this point is realizing, I can choose to be in a relationship with Louis that is causing my sense of stability and safety to fall apart, or I can choose to regain my position of power by forgoing Louis and getting to retain my safety. When u think about it like that it makes perfect sense for him to do that 😭 and I’m tired of seeing takes treating Armand like he’s a sneaky little snake and not a cornered animal

on the subject of Daniel because u mentioned him at the end there, oh my god it has pissed me off since the beginning how a lot of people act like Daniel is the embodiment of the neutral, unbiased correct word of god figure who is just telling the audience how it really is. Like?? No??? 😭😭 Daniel is a shitty journalist and a shitty person, he’s borderline racist and ignorant, he is not looking to expand his perspective or approach his subjects with any empathy or nuance because he decided going in that he hates them and they r bad, which is like?? Defeats the entire purpose of the affective journalism that he is trying to preform 😭😭 He is NOT the guy u should be getting ur takes from, he is a character like any other, he is not a source for correct analysis or meta or unfiltered truth.

But anyways lol, not to be personal and vulnerable in the gay vampire sex tv show post but it’s rlly disheartening for me to witness this blatant excusing and downplaying of a sexually abusive dynamic as someone who has experienced a very similar type of “but was it technicallyyy non consensual though..?” Sexual abuse. Like guys pls 😭🙏 I thought that “bdsm dynamic that merges with actual, genuine grabs for control and blurs the line between fun sex and real demands or anger” was like considered unambiguously bad? 😭 There asses do NOT have a safe word. In conclusion anon u r everything to me and everyone else um USE UR BRAIN🔥🔥🔥🔥

thank u sm for the ask OMGG ur so well spoken and correct and I enjoyed reading ur ask so so much

[bartxnhood]

complete mess | a.f.i

ashton irwin x reader

summary: based on this request

warnings: mentions of bad relationships, alcohol, some language.

requests open

not proofread

Copyright © 2023 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

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you stood alone, abandoned at the bar. lucas, your boyfriend, was nowhere to be seen. on the verge of tears, you began to feel very frustrated with his actions.

sure, you expected this from him, but on your birthday? did he not care about you at all? you looked over the sea of people, dancing, talking, drinking, and eating in an attempt to find your boyfriend but, nothing. your eyes landed on ashton, he saw the sadness in your eyes and knew.

this sadness has been lurking in your eyes for months now. no matter how badly you tried to hide it and put on a facade, ashton saw right through it.

you had become so insecure because of lucas, and ashton was tired of it. you deserved someone worth your time, you deserved someone who would look at you like you were the only thing good in this world. you deserved someone to treat you like you were the most delicate person on the face of the earth.

you deserved someone better.

he wished you wanted him.

to ashton, you were the best thing in his life. you had such a beautiful smile, the way you lit up as if he had done something stupid and you couldn’t help but laugh. you were the brightest star in the night sky. you made ashton a better person. and to see lucas belittle you, seeing you lose the light in your eyes, watching you slowly creep into a shell of made him angry. this wasn’t supposed to happen to you. not his y/n. not ashton best girl.

pushing past the crowd of people, peter was determined to be by your side. “y/n.” ashton emerged,. “ash” you sighed, feeling weight being lifted from your shoulders. “he left me.” you finally blurted, you felt a pang in your chest knowing tears would soon follow. ashton wrapped his arms around you, letting your head rest on his chest. “i know” he sighed, rubbing your back gingerly. “ash, your shirt” you huffed, looking up at him. afraid of ruining it with your makeup. “shh it’s fine” he shook his head, wiping away your tears with his callused thumb. he held you for a minute, but it felt like forever to you. “cmon, im taking you home.” he suggested, pulling away and reaching for your hand. “you don’t need to be here.” you nodded, following behind him and out the large doors.

exiting the building, ashton’s touch never left the small of your back. “he had no right to do that to you, y/n/n” he huffed. you knew he was upset, and so were you. thinking you could get over your feelings for ashton but you only got hurt in return.

oh, foolish heart.

you had been swooning after ashton since high school. always liked him from a distance, even if the two of you were the best of friends.

you weren’t good with confrontation, let alone rejection. because what if he rejected you? how could the two of you possibly stay friends after something like that?

but when you had got with lucas just a few years out of high school, ashton was the first to tell you his feelings.

even if it was a little too late.

“i can’t believe he would be that stupid to leave you alone. if i see him, i’m gonna-“ you were quick to grab his hand, cutting him off. “ash. don’t. just relax.”

ashton had accepted that lucas was your boyfriend but he’d still do everything he could to be in your life, as long as you were happy, he was happy. but seeing you so broken, and being used. he couldn’t let it continue.

“promise me something, y/n?” your eyes met with his. both of you stopping in your tracks. “end it with him. you don’t need someone like that in your life.”

“i will.”

ashton had suggested he take you back to his place, to avoid seeing lucas when he came back later that evening.

you sat on the edge of ashtons bed, still in your dress while ashton had gotten you some water and advil to help with your growing headache. your eyes stared out the window, the night illuminated by only the stars. “i brought you some extra clothes, in case you wanted to change.” he entered the room, some folded clothes in hand, and laid them next to you. your eyes followed him, “thank you.” he nodded, “it’s no problem” he shot you a sympathetic smile and handed you the medicine and bottle.

“you’re always saving me, ash. thank you” you sniffled as you took the two painkillers and downed them with a swig of water.

ashton only hummed, watching you take the clothes in hand and making your way to the bathroom.

and when you returned, ashton had changed as well. you tossed the blaxl dress on the floor and went back to ashton’s bed.

“feel better?” he looked up at you, only getting a shrug from you. “can you help me take my hair down? there’s a lot of pins” he patted the spot in front of him which you scooted over and he proceeded to pick the pins out of your hair. “you know” ashton started, “lucas has no idea what he’s missing out on.” you simply shrugged, you couldn’t stomach talking about him again.

“i don’t know what i was thinking, i thought i could get my mind off someone else, but i only got hurt worse. i’m so stupid” a dry laugh escapes your lips. ashton paused, now knowing why you had started dating lucas. but his shoulders dropped knowing you probably liked someone else. “stop. stop blaming yourself.” he hummed.

his scratchy voice sending chills down your spine. you only let your shoulders drop. looking down at your hands. soon enough he had gotten a majority of the pins out. and with that, you finally let your hair down letting up the stress on the scalp.

ashton got a whiff of the scent of your shampoo and he couldn’t help but look away. you still haven’t changed it all these years. that familiar floral smell filled his nostrils. it was still the same kind you used in high school, he wishes he could smell forever.

it was obvious you liked someone else. you discarded the hairpins, and sat next to ashton again. “if it wasn’t for you, i’d be so lost. i’m so glad you came into my life” you smiled sadly, and he placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. “you’ll always have me in your corner. id do anything for you, you know that.” you nodded. you did know, hell, if you didn’t have him you’d still be miserable. he was always there for you. no matter what.

you were now curled up on ashtons chest, your eyes still glued to the window. not saying anything, you thought he had fallen asleep by now. but when you looked up at him, he was looking down at you. “i thought you were asleep.” he laughed, a simple shake of his head. you smiled, the dim light of his lamp made his skin look so beautiful, the way his hair lay in his eyes, and how he looked at you. you could stare at him for ages.

you felt your heart beating, feeling as if it would beat out of your chest. you wondered if this was the moment you’d tell ashton how you felt for the past decade.

“what’s on your mind?” he asks softly, you hum. thinking if this was the right moment and if the words that were about to spill from your lips were a good idea. your eyes flicked from his hazel eyes to your fingers, picking at your cuticles.

“do you remember a while back when you confessed to me and i had just gotten with lucas?” you ask. when you look up you see him studying you. he nods slowly, “yeah?”.

you puff your cheeks then release the air, sighing. “i liked you too at the time, and i still..well..i love you. i was with lucas simply because i thought you didn’t like me like that..” you groaned quietly, realizing how stupid it sounded.

you saw his face contort, trying to process your words. you can’t seem to read his expression. he falls silent for a moment, replaying his confession over and over again. it was all making sense.

“ash?” you say, hoping he wouldn’t be so upset with you. “i wish you would’ve told me sooner..” he says, followed by a sigh. you frown, assuming you have missed your opportunity with your best friend.

“but..” he continued, “i still love you, y/n. i have since we were teenagers. i don’t think id ever be able to get over you. you have me wrapped around your finger and i’d do anything for you.”

you feel your heart racing, your cheeks flushed pink, and you feel like you were back in high school.

“ashton, will you kiss me?”

the brown-haired boy stared at you, hazel eyes wide. his lips parted, “did you just ask if i’d-“ “kiss me” you interrupted him. this time begging him. “please” you whispered. ashton sat up, his eyes not leaving yours once as he brought his hand to your cheek and then pressed his lips on yours ever so lightly. afraid he would hurt you in any way. his lips felt so soft against yours. pure bliss engulfed your body. this was what you imagined your kiss with ashton to be like. when he pulled away, eyes meeting with yours his cheeks were flushed. having such a huge crush on you, he never thought he would have this moment with you.

your hands on his neck, you leaned in again connecting your lips. this time this kiss was longer and more intimate. your hands tangled in his brown curls while he was resting on your lower back, occasionally pulling you in. when you pulled away, catching your breath you couldn’t help but stare at him. his hand ran over your waist, playing with the hem of your shirt as the two of you watched the other, breathing each other in. ashton’s smiles, his calloused thumb tracing your cheekbone. “you make me complete, y/n.”

maybe this birthday wasn’t so bad after all.

[daddyelliott1979]

Daddy and Boy; what's it like to have the other?

I really want these posts to set a standard, to be a window into our lives but also set a benchmark for what these relationships look like.

I want to start by sharing something from @squirtdaboi

Baby Riley

When my daddy asked me to write about what its like having a daddy i initially didn’t know what to write about. But after giving it some thought i have to say this.

Ive found myself being so much happier and its so nice having that crutch in my life. That one person that always there for me is so reassuring.

He makes me giggle, smile and blush all at the same time. He does these little things like playing with my hair and giving me tummy rubs when my tummy hurts.

The way he changes me is so fun!!!! He blows raspberries and puts cartoons on for me and he dosent care if i am stinky!! If anything he makes me blushy and encourages it! He helps me push my boundaries and be more confortable being myself around others!

He tucks me and my teddies in at night and he checks on me if i wake up. Oh!!! The other night he even changed me while i slept!!! Just knowing how gentle he was and the care he puts into our time makes everything so much better!

If I’m feeling anxious in public he makes sure I’m okay! He makes me squirm and get embarrassed but it doesn’t upset me, it makes me happy.

Bath times are great. I get to play and enjoy myself! Daddy pretends to hate when i splash him with water but i know he secretly loves it!

He makes me feel loved and happy and safe and when i go to see him i feel at ease and i can be tiny and not have a problem.

He also helps me with my ‘big feelings’ and is always there for me. He recently bought me 2 sets of earbuds to help with my sensory issues which he didn’t have to do!

He helps me figure out trains for coming to see him and we are currently looking at getting me a tablet too!

He’s so helpful and doesn’t mind listening to me talk about my problems and things that are going on. He lets me talk until I'm happy and then i can go right back to watching bluey.

He helps me push me to my limits when going out in public and lets me explore my way of doing things. He doesn’t force me to do anything at all. It’s honestly so nice.

I guess the main thing im trying to say is….

HE IS AMAZING!!!

Daddy's thoughts

Honestly reading that made me cry, I know this was a lot for him to do, but once again he proves he's such a sweet little boy and not the "bad" kid he's made out to be!

Here's what this boy means to me, in the short while that he's come into my life, he's turned it upside down in the best possible way!

His cheekiness makes it impossible not to smile, his smile makes it impossible to not feel happy, his whole face lights up as he barely contains his joy; and it's beautiful!

When he's here I have to stay close, and if I'm close he's got to snuggle, and I get moaned at if I don't. It's completely adorable!

He gets squirmy in public and tells me "shut up" emphasis on the "shuuuut uppp" hehe. It's adorable to watch!

He genuinely needs me in so many ways, so much that he makes me feel like a real Daddy, something I've not felt since my son was little.

The first time he said "I love you Daddy" made my heart melt, it came out of nowhere just as I was about to rush off to the corner shop for an emergency supply of wipes- he was very stinky and feeling very little.

He has the most adorable giggle, there's nothing better than giving him tickles!

He's not kidding about the splashes, I really do love how I end up wetter than him at bath time!

And at bed time I have to snuggle with him, he snuggles into my chest and stays there all night, sometimes I'm convinced he can't get close enough. The other day he turned around only to come back with my giant doggy stuffie, scooting in so I had to cuddle them both; and somehow he took up 3/4 of my bed and left me a sliver!

Honestly I love it when he comes, I hate it when he leaves; even though he's only 30 minutes away!

He's such a special boy, he's warm, he's kind, he's sweet and he's just a boy, who needs a Daddy to love, care and protect him! And I get to be that Daddy!

And that's freaking awesome!!

[jessidogg]

Hey, how are you doing? I hope you enjoy camp so far!

Im curious, if you know TTBO and TrollsTopia series,

Then, what’s your opinion on those series?

Which series do you like best and why?

How do you feel about the episode Creek Week, that Creek comes out of nowhere and suddenly was forgiven like nothing happened, just because he said “sorry”?

(I’m pretty sure it’s not actually an apology, he just want to be back in Pop Village, like really?)

If there’s going to have 3rd series after TBT, whay do you think what would happen? I hope Broppy in next series!

(If you never watched those series, my apologies 😅)

If there’s going to have next Trolls Holiday Mini Movie like other two, what do you think it will be about with Poppy, Branch, their siblings and everyone? What it would be about?

I would think Branch would have hard time finding the perfect gifts for his brothers but he didn’t realize that he was the perfect best gift they even asked even if they may have abandoned him and hurt him years ago, they love him since the day he hatched.

If there’s going to have Trolls 4, what do you think will going to be about? What about Viva and Poppy’s mother?

I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO ANSWER!!! BUT I'M BACKKK YAYYYY.

Thank you! Camp has been great, and I have been doing well, thanks so much for checking in💕

I actually have watched the series!

I like TTBGO the best bc it includes Branch way more and actually embraces his personality more, where in Trollstopia he was barely in it and was way more cheerful in it, which is fine BUT I NEED MY SARCASTIC BOIII the animation is also weird in Trollstopia, and HOW IS THERE MORE BROPPY IN TTBGO THAN IN TROLLSTOPIA WHEN THEY ARE ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE DATING???? So yah, those are my reasons❤

Creek Week is actually one of my favorite shows on the series. The way they forgive him is actually a great example (I hate to say that-) and the drama between him and Branch is rlly what I wanted when the series came out, it's wonderful. It also expands on how much Branch rlly does care for his friends and how sweet he is IT'S SO CUTEEEE. The way Creek pops out of nowhere is insane, but it's so trolls, and it's actually pretty funny. Not sure if it's an actual apology or not, but I don't get upset over it bc the series is good at showing that Branch had def taken the place of Creek in the trolls' lives.

Idk abt a new series! That would be soooo cool! I heard Skylar Astin doesn't support Broppy somehow, so Broppy may not happen, but who knows? I really hope it happens tho!

A new holiday short might be all of them trying to make their first holiday together be perfect or something like that. I'm sure Broppy will be in it, but I feel it will mainly be centered around family especially, which I do love also. Your idea is awesome!

Opf, a fourth movie is also almost impossible to guess. It's been said they have so many ideas already, so who knows? It would be cool if they mentioned her mom, but I doubt it would be one of the main plots after having so much family in the third one.

Omigosh, good questions, I loved them! Have a great rest of your day! You're amazing!! Hearts!❤

-JessiDogg:)

[dcamato]

“Why…why can’t you love me? I’m telling you im leaving and you aren’t even fighting for me. Why am I not worth fighting for? Did you EVER love me?!” Steve chokes out through a river of tears falling down his cheeks. They’d gone to Indy for the weekend, some holiday shopping for the Party and everyone else and a chance to cut loose and have some fun for them. Eddie had been weird all day - when they went to the diner for lunch (the waiter crossed the line leaving his number there and Steve made sure to use the napkin before leaving it behind); when they were shopping, Eddie kept moving away from Steve no matter what Steve did to stay close. By the time they’d hit the bar, it was like being alone again. Steve didn’t know what he’d done but he tried to fix it. Bought Eddie a drink, kept trying to put his arm around him, asking him to dance…when Eddie got upset and actually pushed Steve away, he was done. He watched Eddie start talking to some dude (who looked quite a bit like Steve, btw).He walked back to the hotel, tears threatening every step. He tried to call Robs (no answer) and even thought about calling Nancy (add to this pain? Maybe not) when the door opens. “I’ll be gone in a few, dude, so you can bring your date back here.” Eddie is looking down, pain and shame fighting for first on his face. “Stevie…” “no, you can’t say that to me right now, no. Pretty clear now,thinking back on the day, you want nothing more to do with me. Don’t know what I did but fine, I’ll go.” “Steve, please just…” You’re free to do and see and fuck whoever you want since you obviously don’t want me.” “HARRINGTON!” Stop! Please…just give me a minute to talk. Please, baby…” “Why…why can’t you love me? I’m telling you im leaving and you aren’t even fighting for me. Why am I not worth fighting for? Did you EVER love me?!” Eddie can barely see through his own tears but he grabs Steve as they both crumple to the ground. The next few minutes are silent, punctuated with sobs, deep breaths and mumbled words of comfort. When he can finally breathe and he knows Steve is calm enough to listen and truly hear the words, Eddie starts talking - “you are worth more to me than I could ever give and that was my problem. I made it yours these last few days, actually, and you don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve someone like me - doing nothing, going nowhere, with no future. You deserve the white knight, fighting dragons for you, going into battle for you. Coming back to you to sing your praises and offer their love. The best I can do is the last one - and I know that’s not enough. You deserve the world and all it has to offer, not some tiny corner of it that’s not much more than dirt. Since I knew I’d never be brave enough to leave you - I love you to damned much for that - I had to make you hate me enough to leave. Guess I am good at something at least. Just didn’t realize how…how soul deep the pain of you leaving would actually be. I don’t deserve you, even less now with what I’ve done but YOU don’t deserve to think it’s because your unloveable or not worthy of love. You are so insanely lovable and deserve to be loved by better than the likes of me…”. Eddie’s eyes shone, shed tears gripped tight to his lashes. He refused to hurt this beautiful man that he would love forever, not one more moment of pain would he cause him. His love for Steve simply wouldn’t allow it. Steve, for his part, was in turns confused, angry, hurt, awed and enamored. Every word spoken healed a crack in his heart; it made him understand how dumb they both were (yeah, Robs had said they needed to work on communication) and how much he needed to make Eddie understand right now - “Eds, sweetheart, you’re an idiot.” “HEY!…” “No, you are but so am I. We both want to give each other everything and we think the other one is going to leave to find it. Baby, to me, you ARE my knight,- you nearly died for a town that hated you, but you stay in the face of that and that is so, so brave; you defend my honor regularly with those shitheads when they get mouthy. You kill the spiders I can’t bring

[analogwriting]

The Other Side of Paradise

Chapter 4: Take A Slice

Killer x gn!reader word count: 2.5k first|next a/n: sorry im so slow w this fic - i swear i'll start picking up the pace as soon as i finish training these new managers

Oh fuck.

Everything hurt. It hurt to move. It hurt to think. It hurt to exist. Your entire body felt like lead as you entered the world of the conscious, but you weren't even sure if you were going to have the strength to open your eyes. You might just have to go into a forever sleep.

You weren't even sure when or who you got home. You remember basically ascending as Killer fucked you into the ethereal plane over and over but then at some point your memory gets too foggy because you were too lost in the sauce to even process what was going on.

Slowly, you opened your eyes. The curtains were still drawn, so you weren't sure the time, but the sun peeked through the edges. You were in your shared bed but Killer was nowhere to be found. Probably band practice or something along those lines. 

Though, you didn't hear them jamming out, so you assumed it was the second option. 

You needed to sit up. Deep breath. You could do it. 

“Don't strain yourself.” You jumped at Killer’s sudden voice, wincing at your own movement. You looked over, seeing him walking in with a tray of food. “I had a feeling you'd wake up soon.” He smiled, setting everything on the nightstand. The smell of what he made wafted through the air and into your nostrils, making you salivate and realize just how hungry you were.

You groaned, not wanting to move but you needed to. You knew you needed to eat and hydrate. You'd feel much better after. 

You felt the bed dip as Killer sat on the edge of it. “Just pull me up, babe. Rip off the bandaid.” You knew you'd keep putting it off. You heard him snort before taking your arm and suddenly pulling you up. 

Oh fuck.

Your entire body buzzed with pain for a moment and a wave of nausea washed over you; a tingle running up your spine specifically, giving you goosebumps. You sat there a moment, letting your body ride through the pain for a moment before opening your eyes  and letting out a breath. 

Killer was watching you with a frown. “I’m sorry,” he said. You blinked, looking at him. “It’s my own fault.” You snorted, pulling him into a soft kiss. “I could've told you to stop, but I didnt. I wanted this. This is my own consequence.” 

He frowned deeper. “But I could've went a little gentler.” You shook your head. “Nah. It was perfect. I wouldn't have had it any other way “ You kissed him again and he smiled. The both of you knew you were an enjoyer of the more rough side of things.

“If you say so.” He shook his head, grabbing the tray and setting it up in your lap. “Now, I need you to eat everything on this plate and drink all that water, got it? I'll be back up in half an hour to check on you.”

Your face warmed up but you smiled before saluting and nodding. “Aye aye.” You knew he was serious when it came to food - especially after a full night of fun.

With that, he left you to your own devices. 

You looked at the entire spread he cooked up for you. He made all of your favorites. He wanted you to regain your strength after last night. He also didn't know the lack of food you consumed yesterday. You might keep that to yourself, you don't need him upset and worrying about you right before he leaves. 

Plus, it's not like it's a habit. You were just too excited to eat.

The food was delicious as it always was whenever Killer cooked. You swore that if rockstardom didn’t work out, he could definitely make it as a chef of some kind - that was his backup plan anyway. You’d say you were biased, but everyone who has ever had his cooking would agree. He was easily the best cook any of you knew. 

After you finished up, you decided you should probably try to make your way out of bed. You didn’t want to spend all day laying around, especially when Killer only had so much time left with you. You wanted to be able to spend time with him properly. He’d stay with you in bed if you asked, but you didn’t want to do that. You wanted to be able to do things. What things? You weren’t sure, but you didn’t want to make him lay around the entire time. You also wanted to make sure you spent time with Kid, Heat, and Wire too.

You slowly made your way to the edge of bed, taking your time standing up. Your entire body ached, but the more you moved and stretched it, the better it felt. Exhaustion and stiffness were all you were experiencing right now.

You rummaged around your dresser for a moment before deciding on a nice and comfortable outfit before heading out the bedroom. Music was playing through the house, but it wasn’t their rehearsing, they were just playing something on a stereo. You wondered what they were up to.

Slowly but surely, you made your way down the stairs, taking them one at a time. The smell of barbeque hits your nose and now you were really curious as to what was going on. You picked up the pace as much as you could, eventually reaching the bottom.

“Babe, you shouldn’t be up.” You felt Killer immediately sweep you into his arms with a concerned look on his face. “Don’t strain yourself.” He frowned.

You gasped, looking at him. A small laugh escaped you and you shook your head. “I’m fine, darling, really.” You kissed his cheek, squirming to have him put you down. “Besides, it smells phenomenal and there’s decorations. What’s going on?” 

Killer finally caved, setting you down gently, but keeping an arm around your waist as he walked you into the kitchen. You blinked as you saw he had all kinds of things he was prepping to cook.

“Isn’t it obvious? We’re throwing a party, duh.” Kid’s voice boomed from behind you, making you jump from the sudden noise. You looked back at him, glaring slightly. “You ass.” He just laughed, shaking his head as he grabbed a beer from the fridge.

“A party for what?” You decide to just move on instead of making a fight like you usually did. You didn’t have the energy for it. Kid just looked at you for a moment before moving on as well. He was probably well aware of your current predicament. “Well, I’m assuming Killer told you the news finally yesterday.” 

You blinked, momentarily forgetting what he could be referencing before it hit you. Your brain was still foggy and slow. You nodded at him. “The fact that you guys finally got signed?” As you said those words, you couldn’t help but grin widely, Kid mirroring you. “Congrats, by the way.” 

Kid chuckled, straightening himself out. “Thank you. It was about time we did anyway.” Confidence radiated from him; he was absolutely going to be riding this high for a long time. He snorted, shaking his head. “Anyway, we told everyone we had big news and we decided to throw a party for it.”

“So, who all is making it?” It was rare that your large friend group was able to all meet up at once. When there were over thirty of you, it was close to impossible. Besides, you hadn’t even so much as looked at your phone. You had no idea where it was, so you hadn’t even checked the chat.

“Everyone, actually.” Your attention turned back to Killer, your eyes widening. “Holy shit, really?” It was hard enough to plan an event where each one of you could actually make it, but to throw something on the fly? And everyone able to show?

That was a miracle. A good omen, surely. Why else would the stars align so perfectly? 

“We were just going to break the news in chat once we told everyone at the party, but since everyone will actually be there, we won’t have to do a second reveal or tell people to keep it bottled until we told everyone.” Kid grinned, clearly excited. As he should be - this was huge! This is what he’d been dreaming of since he was seven! This is what he had worked so hard for - what they had all worked so hard for. You couldn’t be more proud of them all.

“This is fantastic! Finally, the universe decides to cut us some slack. For once everyone is able to get together and y’all got signed. It can only go up from here!”

Kid laughed loudly, nodding. “Cheers to that one!” Then he shotgunned his beer before slamming the empty can against his head to smash it and throwing it away. You fuckin’ hated when he did that, but you didn’t say anything. You were going to choose peace.

You patted your body, looking around. “Where is my phone by the way? I haven’t seen it all day.” You weren’t really asking anyone in particular, you were more mumbling to yourself.

“It’s plugged in upstairs, I put it on silent so you could get some sleep. Figured I’d wake you up if anything important happened,” Killer said as he moved to do some more food prep. It was also true - if anyone couldn’t get a hold of you, they’d call him since you two were always together. He kept his phone on his person for this reason. Just in case of emergencies since you were pants at keeping yours on you.

“Ah. Makes sense.” You also weren’t one to really be attached to your phone when you were home anyway. You had everything you needed here and saw your friends quite a bit. You tended to check it more when you were in classes or at work. Being by yourself, you had nothing else to do besides be on your phone anyway.

“Not too much has happened in the chat. Just plans arranging,” Kid said, grabbing another beer. You nodded, folding your arms and leaning back against a counter.

“What still needs to be done?” You looked at the both of them. Kid opened his mouth when Killer interrupted. “You need to rest. We have everything under control. Heat n’ Wire should be back from the store soon.”

You frowned, folding your arms as you pouted. You suddenly felt a wave of defiance as he shot down any chance of you helping before you even offered. “But I don’t wanna. I want to help!” You looked at him as he turned to you. “You can help me by making me worry less and resting up before the party. You always go hard, so I want you to be ready.”

You huffed at him, shaking your head. He wasn’t wrong - you were quite the partier. You loved the entire vibe of parties…at least with your friends. “Not going. I’m helping and there’s nothing you can do about it.” 

Kid snorted as he watched the interaction between the two of you. “Alright. You two have your little lovers quarrel, I’m going to head back outside to set up the backyard.”

“I’m coming wi-” As you spoke, you had started to follow him when you felt your boyfriend tug the back of your shirt to keep you in place. “You’re not.”

You spun on your heels, glaring at him. “You can’t force me to go and lay down - that’s dumb. Just lemme help!”

“What’s going on here?” Wire walked in from the garage door. 

You frowned at him. “Killer won’t let me help.” You folded your arms to pout and your friend chuckled, shaking his head. “He keeps telling me I need to rest when I’m perfectly fine!” 

“I heard you had a long night, rest would be wise.” He looked from you to Killer. It was no surprise everyone knew, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together. Killer wasn’t one to kiss and tell, but it also wasn’t needed. “But, we also know how stubborn they can be once they make up their mind.” Your boyfriend sighed, nodding. He knew all too well. You and your cousin were the same in that regard. Stubborn and hot-headed.

“Surely, we can find a compromise.” 

Heat walked in from the backyard. “We have to run to the store again, we forgot some stuff.” He groaned, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. Then it dawned on you.

“Oh shit, you guys are pants at organizing. I can’t imagine that everything is going to be ready for the party in time.” If it were solely up to them, they’d run out of things halfway through the party or not get half the shit needed. You glanced at the clock to start planning on what needed to be done by when.

You moved, checking the list both from their previous trip and the one they need to go on. “This isn’t nearly enough. Let me check and see the status of things.”

You made a big sweep. You checked the garage, the kitchen, and the backyard - the three main hangout areas of the house. Things were set up here and there but it was all in pieces and you knew that if you didn’t take over putting things together - it was going to end in disaster. Not that anyone would really care, but if this was going to kind of tie off as their going away party - you wanted it to be good.

“Alright, boys. Let me take over organizing everything. We only have a few hours and a shit ton of things that need to be done, so let’s lock in.” You had already made a list of things to be done, items Heat and Wire needed to grab from the store, and an inventory of everything you already had. 

Killer had gone and grabbed your phone for you so that you could gauge who was arriving when so you could have a more solid line of events that were going to happen, creating a kind of itinerary for what was going to go on. He seemed to be satisfied with you managing things as long as you didn’t move around too much.

This is how you were helping out. You were going to instruct everyone on what to do. You didn’t need to move around too much, you mostly sat at the island in the kitchen as you planned everything out. The boys moved around you, occasionally asking you what they needed to do next. Naturally, the grocery list that Kid put together for their second trip was still not everything they needed, so you were able to expand that before sending them back on another run.

With you in charge, things were going a little more smoothly and before you knew it, everything was ready. All you had to do was wait for your friends to start rolling in.

next

[ghostiewriter]

Hi ghostie this is kinda out of nowhere but I’ve been wanting to ask you a question. So idk if I’m totally tripping or if I saw that you don’t really like Elain in acotar and I just wanna know the reasoning behind it.

I feel like I see so much hate on her character (I absolutely think she and nesta were shitty for the way they treated feyre throughout their whole childhood I’m not excusing that) and I might be completely wrong but I feel like so many people hate her because she’s not like nesta and feyre where they’re literal warriors and are strong hearted and brave. And before anyone attacks me I love all three sisters (nesta a little less because man she could be a fucking bitch to everyone for the stupidest shit a lot which had to do with depression and low self worth but sometimes it was just uncalled for but I’m hoping she’ll be better in the future books).

I’m a middle child and have a younger and older sister and it’s kinda crazy because I can see our personalities match the archeron sisters although the book personalities are more exaggerated my older sister is not that bad trust me, but I definitely see their bravery and strong hearts and stubbornness and can see them as warriors even if none of us can fight for shit lol. I genuinely feel like I relate more to elain with her kindness and compassions being the leading traits she has (I don’t do plants I love painting though anything artsy is my thing). I’m not a very brave person and I tend to be the one who mediates in any arguments and it makes me wildly anxious to be around when I’m with people who are fighting or arguing. I’ve also always had low self esteem and it’s hard for me to set boundaries with others because I’ve always been a people pleaser and tried to do anything to avoid upsetting others (I’m working on it and I’d say I’m better than a few years ago).

My sisters have “jokingly” called me weak mentally, physically, and emotionally because I’ve had depressive/anxious episodes where they sometimes find me crying in my moms arms because I wasn’t really good at managing my emotions (I feel incredibly deeply sometimes it’s horrible but when I’m happy I’m ecstatic, also I grew up in a household where negative emotions were avoided being talked about so none of us were able to learn to regulate them when they got out of hand). I guess I just see a lot of similarities between myself and elain where it feels like they sometimes treat me like I’ll break at the slightest inconvenience while also low key despise me for being this way? I feel like I’ve come a long way since a year ago and I feel like im beginning to master myself and my emotions and am slowly but surely becoming more sure of myself and set boundaries. I wish I could be brave like them and I believe I’ll get there someday but I also don’t think that remaining kind and empathetic and compassionate despite witnessing so many terrible things makes me less of a person than them. They tend to just assume rather than to put themselves in another persons shoes (I’d catch myself doing the same sometimes but I’ve realized it’s usually to make me feel better about putting others down).

Im realizing now that this just turned into a venting session and I’m truly sorry for that I know you’ve been busy with Jiara week (very excited btw :)) and I know I shouldn’t let the way people feel about a character hurt me it’s dumb lol it just made me feel like shit for being so similar to a character a bunch of people hate. I hope you don’t think less of me for this but I would really like to know what you think of elain.

this was...this was a lot of a thursday morning ngl!

i hope you don't take my answer personally since elain is a fictional character and all of this is based towards her, but i just don't find her a very interesting character. i understand she isn't a warrior-type female character and she isn't the first one sarah j maas has written. elide and yrene are examples of characters who are more love than war and i adored them endlessly. they were well written and had so much personality beyond the fact they were kind.

elain just feels really superficial to me and maybe that will change with her book, but i honestly can't say i care all that much about her. in the first book, yes nesta was a bitch but at least she was something. elain had nothing going. then potential came after she had been turned and yet still she somehow managed to remain the most boring character in this series when she arguably has some of the coolest powers. i feel like its overlooked how much she hurt feyre as well just because she is kind. as well as the fact that she just overlooks how much nesta protected her, not because she was made of glass but because she loved her.

the lucien stuff also kinda puts a bad taste in my mouth. i think stringing him along and not giving him a chance whilst also not making a decision is just a bit shitty. yes, she was traumatised and went through a lot but she also had no reason to be so hostile towards him when she was so kind to everyone else? like at least nesta was self-destructive with all her relationships, not just one.

anyways, i hope that answered your question!

[onlyjaeyun]

and oooh even more. ik i sound so heated but like there’s just a few things i’ve noticed that i wanted to point out.

a lot of ppl like to cross the line with jay when it comes to teasing him and stuff. it’s completely fine for the boys to do it considering they’re pretty close from what we’ve seen and that is their dynamic. i’m sure if jay truly had an issue with them poking fun at him 24/7 he’d say something to them in private by now. he is a grown man. however, it’s so weird that some fans see it as grounds to also make fun of jay to the point it’s too much. i have seen it every once in a while on social media and it gets me so upset. there’s a line and some ppl love to cross it when it’s jay. i love that man so much and these things irk me so much sometimes because ik he and the other boys lurk on twitter all the time. (hopefully they are nowhere near tumblr because 😭😭😭)

ok this is truly the end cause i need to study for my exam but hopefully im not like being too deep or overreacting

- 🐥

BESTIE WHEN I TELL YOU THIS WAS ALSO ON MY LIST OF THINGS THAT ANKOY ME BC OH MY GOOOODDDDDDD i HATE how some engenes treat jay like its so..it hurts my heart so much bc you can actually tell how much he lowvs and appreciates his boys like his mother literally called them his BROTHERS and thats bc they ARE. beothers bicker and tease each other and i just know they'd cut it off if he didnt enjoy it or took it personally but like some engenes take it way too far and that bothers me so much. the whole mean jay agenda is SO lame too like stop being so mean to him bc you think he is like sorry you and your friends dont understand friendly bickering smh

[beddyxoxq]

<“My Mom”AKA The Toxic avoid>

I call her out for whatever spiritual attacks she attempts.. sometimes she’ll act sad, then use a shallow apology(ex: “I’m sorry that you thought—I’m sorry you felt like I could”—) .

This was my reply to her sad emoji and one word reply “sorry”. ….

“”””””””

It’s a 24/7 thing though. It doesn’t even matter what actually happened THIS time. Even when you got proof right in front of you, you’ll ignore it to go against me

Then go against me to try to go against me some more..

Sometimes you even try to get me to help you go against me .. Or help you in other situations to go against me or to fuck me over or make me look bad or make me feel bad, or do whatever!!

It’s night and day how you treat me from anyone but especially now cause it’s not just”” different treatment “” like it use to be.. now you literally try your hardest to TAKE/DESTROY everything that you possibly can whether there be money, joy or peace from me!

You’re never sad about hurting me in any way BC you never even acknowledge the fact that it happens. You make it worse by trying to bury it, by acting like it’s all in their head.. after being victimized, then try to corrupt reality by playing the victim role as if they’re the predator.

You will literally act like everybody needs to be worried about their safety after YOU have victimized and provoked the entire situation in the first place,

To avoid having to accept what you’ve done at all cost you’ll even go as far as to act if they’re losing their cool out of nowhere to be able to recruit ppl saying things like”” watch out..ohh my god I’m so sorry.”” To people that are not even able to be affected by the made-up situation, therefore creating false trauma for you to bond about.

It’s always been like that since the beginning! Since I can ever remember!! It’s just gotten worse over the years.

And I never mind at all, because anybody that can’t see through that instantly deserves to be duped by it. It’s probably their karma, so who am I to step in the way of that by trying to defend what doesn’t need defending no ma’am that’s why I let you run free and wild. Have fun. Do whatever makes you feel better about yourself or whatever you need to do to try to get whatever you think you need.

Because I will always be on my Christ like program, and will never react to any cruelty, no matter what direction it comes from!

And getting upset because it’s sad that a human being could act like that..

VS.

Making sure that you taste your own medicine.

Making sure that I do the same.. make sure that you feel unsafe. Make sure that your stuff is always in constant harm., getting everybody to go against you.. provoking you into anger, and then acting like Im victimized by the reaction. “Someone Help, she’s out of control, she’s crazy idk why she’s acting like that“”

Like a satanic Chaos agent creating destructive situations for the innocent party.

NOT TODAY SATAN

NOT TOMORROW

NOT AT ALL - DEFF.

NOT THIS CHILD OF GOD

NO EVIL

FROM ANYONE ANYWHERE

WILL EVER

PUT THIS FIRE FOR CHRIST OUT IN ME!!!

Instead unconditional love and understanding for what they don’t even understand themselves!

God allows me to see through his eyes, and I would never squander off my soul, or the gifts gods given me — by picking up vengeance? 😂 why would I even bother taking vengeance on some petty pathetic situations where people were so insecure and I was such a threat to them they had to become a chaos agent in order to feel some security??

I would never take pity on that because I find my identity and get my security from Christ. I never put my harder faith in Man because they will always let you down.

And when we don’t find our identity in Christ, that’s our actions will tell loud and clear!!!

And what’s worse the prosecuted or the comfortable?!

You can hold onto them thorns! Because they are no longer in my saviors crown!!

And he is alive and freed the oppressed, so no longer can this material world or anything in it that is materialized do any harm for no weapons will prosper against us!!

And the harder that they try the louder, the truth will be!! And the louder the truth will be delivered for God’s people!!!

I don’t fake my beliefs or how I feel or my emotions to make other people feel better about themselves or better about their situations!!

I stand my ground. I stand my boundaries and God is all I fear.!

And the Holy Spirit resides in my temple, so I’m never alone!

And I’m always the safest I could possibly be because I walk with the Lord or I don’t walk at all!!

Christ is a whole lifestyle- how you move how you speak how you treat others specially when done wrong how you speak on others what you do towards others your intentions- it’s a lifestyle and how you live on a daily basis !! Faith without works is dead, and works is a lifestyle lived daily!! It’s a soul energy into the heart with the mentality and mindset hosted by the Holy Spirit inside your temple!

Reading a couple Bible verses, every now and then, and twisting it to fit life situations for some false security, can be easily mistaken!

But when you go for quality over quantity, everything else falls short and always will!

So don’t be “”sad”” ever for anything that happens between us!

God put me here for a complete enlightenment! so that my soul could fully catch fire to the absolute depths that no one’s ever seen yet!!

God is creating magic, and I’m blessed to be a part of it!!

I never let this world fool me, I never forget God’s promise!!

I know how monumental and how glorious my place will be in the kingdom after all the sudden done!

That’s more than enough for me !!

“”””””””

And even though I did text it and replied, it wasn’t for her that was for me and for God!

God don’t take L’s — so you already know I’m #Winning ☺️😉😇

[demoiselettes]

hi hi!! your blog is cute :) can i please request a matchup? im sydney, bisexual, & use she/her pronouns!

for my appearance, im 5’2, have long light brown hair, hazel eyes, a beauty mark above my lip, a button nose, perpetually rosy cheeks, and kinda pale skin! i do kinda have the same body type as mitsuri boobs if that’s any help!

for my personality, im fairly bubbly, affectionate, and optimistic! i love physical affection and i tend to just latch onto people im comfortable with. if something bothers me i won’t really say anything, maybe be a little passive aggressive though aajdkrkrk. im pretty sensitive and tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, even if it hurts sometimes. i love animals, all kinds, and scary movies! as much as i love cute and soft things, im strangely fascinated with scary things! my hobbies include gardening, yoga, reading, baking, doodling, and shopping!

ps my favorite colors are pastels, right now id say it’s pastel or very light pink, maybe yellow! please and thank you :)

Eventide

I match you with Zenitsu Agatsuma!

•First of all, Zenitsu literally acts like he’s drunk around you

•The moment he sees you he forgets everything else, doesn’t take note of what is happening around him, he’s just making a goddamn beeline for you

•It’s a good thing you’re okay with physical affection, since it’s obvious he’ll just jump on you at any opportunity

•Give him hugs, and you’ve got yourself one happy Zenitsu for the day :)

•He really adores your optimistic and cheerful attitude

•It’s simply a nice contrast from most of the people he’s met during his time in the corps (excluding Tanjiro)

•I feel like for that specific reason, he’d come to you whenever something’s bothering him

•Which means a lot, since most things tend to bother him

•Like you’ll just be minding your own business and you’ll suddenly feel someone hug you from behind and sob into your back and start complaining out of nowhere

•But really, he trusts you quite a ton, and he hopes doing so won’t lead to the same results he’s had with his previous girlfriends :(

•For your sake, Zenitsu does his best to toughen up

•If anyone bothers you, he’ll square up to them on your behalf

•More times than not, it ends with him getting punched or insulted, but he doesn’t mind if it’s for your sake

•Usually Zenitsu is a pacifist, so he’ll avoid picking a fight with your offender and will just.. try to talk things through

•If there’s one thing he hates (other than dying) it’s the thought of you being sad or upset in any way

•So you know fugu, Shinobu’s goldfish

•I cannot tell you how many times this dude would get in trouble with Shinobu for sneaking the aquarium to you bc he knows you like animals

•if fugu is off limits, he has.. Chuntaro!

•Fortunately the bird seems to like you quite a lot and isn’t too bothered with Zenitsu using him as bait to charm you

•However, even with how much he loves you, Zenitsu tries not to summon your love for scary stuff too much

•Being in the corps itself is a horror movie on its own, so if you start narrating scary stories, he’s going to pass out and then you’d face the other Zenitsu who’s less gentle..

•Trust me, he’d try to listen to you talk about them, but he’d start shaking and panicking so much and would probably ask you to spend the night with him

•…okay maybe he will ask you to narrate scary stories…

•Definitely takes pride on the fact that’s taller than you, even by a lot and never misses an opportunity to try these ‘charming’ actions of helping you reach for stuff or bending down to your height during conversations to show how much taller he is even though it’s not by a lot lmao i’m sorry

•loves loves loooves to kiss your cheeks! Thinks they’re absolutely adorable and kinda wants to bite them but he’d never that’s between you and me haha

•Most likely someone who would compliment your eyes by saying he ‘gets lost in them’ or he ‘could drown in them’ and even though it’s cheesy, he really means that he loves your eyes from how pretty they are!

•boops your nose a ton, no questions asked

•oh he’ll be taking you shopping alright

•He isn’t shy about spending money for your sake, just as long as you’re happy with him!

•Yeah, his self-esteem is not the best, and he often thinks you’re too good for him which is why he nearly turns into a doormat for your sake :( and giving you whatever you want for a little bit of your love

•Do reassure him that you truly love him though, he might cry a little but it’s from happiness and relief

•he sometimes asks Aoi if he can borrow the kitchen at the butterfly estate to bake goodies with you

•It’s a lot like those scenes where he teases you by smudging flour onto your face, etc..

•he’s a really cliché kind of lover but he’s love is definitely pure and real and he just loves moments of domestic bliss like these

•On the other hand he’s much more reluctant to do yoga.. he’s happy to assist though!

•the definition of ‘draw me like one of your french girls’ he always asks you to doodle him

•Sadly, he can’t get you a ton of books since he’s mostly on mission, but he does compensate by narrating anecdotes from the places he goes to while on those missions!

•Overall he basically worships you

[aajjks]

nowhere!koo i’m home.. im okay just upset.. it’s just aly and jessie.. i realized they don’t care about being my friends.. they were using me to get to you because you’re the young, attractive, billionaire in the country.. not because they was interested in being my friend.. you as right, i don’t need friends anymore, not when everyone always tries to come between us or tries to take you from me.. everybody keeps using me or hurting me and i’m so tired of it! i think i’m just going to go to bed.. i don’t really want to be awake right now..

“hey baby what happened? I came home Early today because I was missing you so much even though I knew you were out with your friends…. So how was it? Why are you upset? What? I don’t even know this aly and Jessie? What the fuck that’s- you should’ve just murdered them. But no worries no one can steal me away from you. Yn… that is why I told you that you don’t need friends… but I feel so bad for you my love… I would die to be your friend- you are the greatest friend anyone could ever have, but it’s their loss… you don’t need anybody else other than me. I hope you realize that now… wait no you can go to bed. Let me take you out. We will get some takeout and maybe some ice cream as well… I know how to cheer you up. I love you. You will never let anybody else have me… right yn?”

[ihavebeesinmybrain]

i’ve noticed in the last year or so that eventually i get far enough away from the various Bad Things that have happened to me in my life that they stop feeling like they happened to me. like i know that they did and i know that i’m still affected by them but i can’t connect that knowledge that i have in an intellectual level with how i feel when i access the memories. it’s like retroactive disassociation or something. i used to be so haunted by my high school boyfriend SAing me but eventually it started to feel so far away that i just stopped thinking about it. and now when i remember it, of course it’s still upsetting, but it doesn’t feel quite like my own memory. like i’m surprised by it every time i remember the time someone tried to shoot me. i feel impassive when i remember elementary school classmates spitting on me and throwing rocks at me and everything else they did every day for years and years.

and when i start forgetting that these things happened to me i also start forgetting the ways that they’ve shaped me. for years i’ve been getting the feedback that im intimidating, that i give off “don’t fuck with me vibes” and i’ve always responded “why??? i am so goofy! i’m so uncool and anxious! i make a big effort to always be friendly and kind!” but i just remembered, as if out of nowhere, that when i started middle school i hoped the bullying would stop, i hoped that being in a bigger school with new kids would give me new social opportunities and some respite, and i struggled so much with the realization that it in fact meant that there were just more people to torment me, more classes, more opportunities. and starting in the sixth grade, i began trying to figure out how to ward people off. i worked on it for years. everyone already thought i was weird, so i leaned into it, played it to my advantage. tried to be so offputting no one would even want to approach me. tried to be so crazy people would be scared to try anything. sat in front of the mirror and tried to perfect a “don’t fuck with me” face, tried to figure out how to project impassivity and utter boredom. how i practiced walking confidently and quickly, shoulders back, to try to dissuade them from approaching me in the halls. how i started wearing all black clothes and skull jewelry so i would be too scary to fuck with, at least too scary for my classmates in their pastel lily pulitzer and ralph lauren and vineyard vines. i spent who knows how many hours trying to think of nasty, witty retorts that i could throw back at them when they mocked me and called me names.

i did that for years and i forgot why i was doing it. i forgot that it wasn’t an inherent part of who i am. and when i was 22 and my college friends all said to me that they’d been so intimidated by me when we first met and they’d assumed i would be mean, i was shocked and hurt. but that wasn’t on them, it was on me and the persona i had created to protect myself.

and the more i sit with these memories the more they start to feel like mine again. the more rage and pain i feel on behalf of the child i was. it makes me livid, actually, to think that all of those people are going about their regular adult lives now and they never have to think about me, they’ll never know that the protective mechanisms i developed to guard myself against them have followed me well into adulthood and will likely stick with me, at least to some extent, for the rest of my life. they did permanent damage and they’ll never even know. and the memories may feel distant but this anger is visceral and it is undoubtedly mine. if they ever think of me at all, i’m sure it’s just in passing, an “oh yeah, i guess i do remember that weird kid.” i wonder if their memories feel like their own

[keefwho]

March 10 - 2023

11:16 PM

Well tonight went from good to fucking horrible. I was with the bestie and her friend joined. He’s cool but they got to talking about things I just have no stake in. Like I can’t contribute anything because I don’t share such basic experiences as con attending or travelling or even fast food. I just sat and listened and got stuck inside my own head for awhile. I worry I really am some nobody in the middle of nowhere with no other value than the ability to create mid tier art. I worry that Im so uninteresting that people will end up leaving me and I’ll be a friendless loser. Like why would anyone even want me around?

Other than that today was okay. Just okay. I didn’t do everything I wanted but I did enough I suppose. I got a new toy today which sucked, especially after 4 days of edging. Today was just mid.

Its surprising how fast I went from thinking I was fundamentally getting better to feeling like I’m at rock bottom questioning why I’m wasting oxygen. 

I’m making myself eat right now but I really don’t want to. I just want to cry about how pathetic I am. No wonder I don’t have many friends and lost all the ones I’ve ever had. 

11:52 PM

I really don’t want to be alone right now but I have no one available. I feel like I’m in mental survival mode and I’m losing. 

12:24 AM

I guess tomorrow I’ll be dealing with feeling like this if it doesn’t go away. Not looking forward to another one of those weekends. I also couldn’t finish dinner and I don’t know why. Maybe I really am not hungry tonight. 

1:48 AM

It’s almost 2 fucking AM and I was actually feeling better after a light shower ready to do some reflection and I come out to my dog puking in her kennel and stepping in it everywhere and it broke me again. I just wish I had someone to talk to right now. So desperately. 

The truth is I have so much pain that keeps coming back to me. It tends to hurt less over time but some things have not been resolved yet and they eat away at me. I feel jealous, and betrayed, and guilty, and weak, and probably a lot of other things. It doesn’t take much to remind me of the things that continue to haunt me. I guess thats what happened tonight. I felt jealous that I couldn’t relate. I felt worthless since I haven’t done the things they were talking about but I want to. Then I just felt bad for getting so upset about it. Now I just feel alone. I know I’m not but I feel that way. In the shower I was trying to and successfully defusing from thoughts that I knew only hurt me and would echo chamber in my head. Then I had to deal with this fucking dog, who is definitely getting a vet visit. 

Now I’m trying really fucking hard not to offload this onto anyone. Even though I just need someone that I feel connected with to listen. 

I don’t want to eat and I don’t want to sleep. I just want to feel better. 

[leviathanspain]

below the singing moon

marc spector x reader, steven grant x reader

synopsis: you and marc had a rocky marriage from the start. marc can destroy you emotionally, but steven always puts you back together. what happens when he can’t?

pt. 2

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“fuck you, marc!” you threw a vase at him and he ducked, the vase shattering behind him as he stalked towards you. the voices in marc’s head told him not to try anything he’s regret. suddenly marc found his feet glued to the floor as you cowered in the corner, scared of what marc would do.

“im so tired of you, this and that,” marc spat, “always asking for something better. why cant you be happy with what i can give you? you knew what you got yourself into when you said ‘i do.’” marc sneered at you and you shook your head, tears falling as you whimpered.

“i love you, marc! that’s why i said ‘i do!’ i was stupid and i still am because i’m still here!” you cried and marc shook his head, “you’re such a dumb bitch!” he yelled.

you stood up and stormed out. you literally had nowhere else to go but you knew you couldn’t stay here, not with marc acting like a caged animal.

the cold bit at your cheeks as you walked out into the cold london air. marc had moved to london because he thought it the best option considering he was a fugitive. you didn’t like the city at first but steven had made you love it, his factual conversations led you to expanding your knowledge and you loved it.

marc pondered on what had just happened. he walked into the bathroom, standing in front of the sink and put his head in his hands and he contemplated going after you or not.

he looked up at saw steven standing politely in the mirror reflection. he sighed and steven shrugged, “let me have control. i can fix it, make her feel better.” he spoke and marc, for the first time, didn’t protest. he needed a break, from whatever was causing you two to fight.

steven looked at marc in the mirror now and nodded, giving a thumbs up to his own little side quest. steven grabbed a broom and began to sweep up the broken vase shards.

“remind me to buy a new vase..” he muttered to himself, partially to marc as well.

you came back to the apartment unsure of who’d be home to greet you. you opened the door and found your mess cleaned.

steven.

marc would never clean your messes, he’d always leave you to clean them and deal with the broken shards, even if you cut yourself. steven would always be there to patch you up when you did.

“stevie?” you called out and a figure moved from the bathroom and into the main room.

“y/n.” he murmured your name and ran to embrace you. he could feel the shivers falling off your body as he moved you to the bed, wrapping you up in blankets.

you cried, tears falling as you found comfort in steven’s body. you hadn’t held marc the way you were holding steven in weeks, marc hadn’t gone any further than angrily fucking you for any sort of release.

“he’s such an asshole.” you muttered and steven brushed your hair with a hand.

“yeah.” steven agreed, looking up to the ceiling and thought of what to say.

“im sorry for what he said. he didn’t mean it, he was just upset.” steven excused and you shook your head, snuggling deeper into his side, “he could say whatever he wants but he knows exactly what to say to hurt me. he meant it, he did.”

marc’s voice echoed in steven’s head.

she’s right. but i still love her. i always will.

steven didn’t say anything else as he just held you, slowly you lulled to sleep as your breathing evened out.