#i’m not even 30 i should be in the club

[atsvmi]

being an adult is so lame i used black friday to buy new glasses (it was an amazing deal and i got 4 pairs for under $200), an annual wax pass, and wax melts as a treat

[cosmicheartz]

Ngl after thinking abt it for a bit I decided that Solange was 21 when she died

[kuiinncedes]

:|

[milla-frenchy]

Dance with me, darlin'

3k6 | Joel Miller x fem reader | ao3 | masterlist Summary: You go to a club and want to fuck. So does Joel Warnings: 18+ mdni. age gap (reader is in her 20s, Joel in his early 40s), Joel is a menace, Tommy’s in the club too, no mention of Sarah. Pet names (darlin’, sweetheart, baby), pussy and dick pronouns, masturbation (f), oral (m/f), dirty talk, praise kink, size kink, soft dom!Joel, piv, creampie. Pic for mood only. Reader has no specific physical descriptions

a/n:  this is written for @sp00kymulderr 's dick pronoun fic challenge | masterlist thank you for the challenge, Gideon 🙏❤️ (I'm so late I'm sorry 😳) Thank you @aurorawritestoescape for beta-ing 😘💕 @/saradika-graphics for the dividers 🙏

Saturday night, finally. You had a tough week at work, and you were looking forward to this night, wishing to forget your worries. You had planned to go to a club with your two friends, Maddie and Anna, drink a few shots and let loose on the dance floor.

The place was already packed when the three of you arrived, and you headed to the bar and ordered a shot of tequila that you downed immediately.

“Just what I needed,” you told your friends, sighing in relief, as you felt some of your troubles disappear- at least temporarily, when the strong alcohol flowed down your throat.

You set the glass down, before turning toward the dance floor and placing your elbows on the counter. “Come on, let’s dance,” Anna said, motioning for Maddie and you to follow her. 

You danced and sang, your awful week finally behind you, and then headed back to the bar.

“Good evening, ladies.” All three of you turned around when you heard a masculine voice.

“Good evening yourself,” Maddie replied, smiling at the man. He was handsome, seemed to be in his late 30s, with dark hair and brown eyes, a moustache and a short beard. He was tall, his broad shoulders stretching his white t-shirt, its already short sleeves were rolled up around his biceps. His hair was tied back with a rubber band.

“I’m Tommy. Can I offer you drinks?”

The three of you looked at each other and agreed.

“Wanna join me and my brother? Over there,” he added, nodding toward a booth. Shamelessly manspreading,  the man sitting there gave you and your friends a vague nod with his chin. He was wearing sunglasses, which you found strange in this place, but his attitude was hot and you didn’t want to turn down a drink. Neither did your friends.

“Hi, Tommy’s brother,” you said loudly over the music as you sat down.

“Hey darlin’, I’m Joel. What did you order?”

“Tequila,” you replied, trying not to react to the pet name he already gave you, despite the giggles of your friends.

“Nice,” he said, scratching his beard with his thumb, as the corner of his lip lifted slightly. This man was exactly what you needed tonight: a hot menace.

Tommy came back with the shots, all emptied as quickly as the first ones you’d had after your arrival. He started to chat with your friends and you looked at Joel more closely. He was wearing a gray t-shirt, so tight that his biceps seemed to be begging for release.

He probably noticed you were checking him out and not paying attention to the conversation at all, considering the smirk he gave you.

“Dance with me, darlin’,” he said, standing up right away, as if he already knew you wouldn't say no. He held out his hand to you, while pushing his glasses up on his head. You stood up and met a pair of beautiful brown eyes. His flirty smirk didn’t go unnoticed either- he was full of confidence, and you liked it. 

He took your hand in his and you tried to stay focused on the music, the noises around, even though you felt like you were in a velvet box that muffled everything around you, since the moment his fingers touched you.

You started to dance and he was good at it, hips moving sensually. He rested his hands on your hips once or twice, and checked if you were ok with the way he was touching you. Feeling confident, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders while you were dancing, and resisted the urge to press your body closer to his.

When a second song started, you started to spin around to the rhythm of the music, swaying your hips lascively, and stopped when two hands settled on your hips.

“Already showing me your ass, baby? Lookin’ for trouble?” he said in a low voice, his mouth so close to your ear that his beard brushed your skin. His lips slid towards your pulse point and he kissed it, making you shiver.

You turned your face to look at him and held your breath. His stare, like yours probably, exuded sex. “Maybe I am, yeah. The good kind,” you replied finally, trying to keep a confident voice. 

“Always the good kind with me, sweetheart,” he replied, leaning against you slightly, but enough for you to feel the bulge in his jeans. Another shiver ran through your body filled with arousal.

You turned around, and Joel kept his hands on your hips, pulling you gently towards him, determinedly, and you faced him. Two motionless bodies in the middle of the dance floor, while everybody was dancing around you. It was like time stopped for a moment. 

He took your chin between his fingers, slowly tilting it left and then right. As if he was scrutinizing you.

“What? You’re gonna ask my age?”

“No. You’re over 21, that’s enough for me,” he said, and you started to dance again.

“Looks like you’re a damn menace, Joel…” you smirked.

He chuckled but didn’t answer.

A couple songs later, you excused yourself to go freshen up in the bathroom. You looked at yourself in the mirror, trying to slow down your heartbeat, to take your time before going back. Trying to stop yourself from asking him to join you in the bathroom so you could fuck him there.

When you came back, Joel was no longer dancing, or at the booth. You stopped dead in your tracks, disappointed. You obviously had been mistaken, thinking he was interested in you. You told your friends that you would call an Uber and go home.

When you walked out of the club, Joel was facing the exit, leaning against a truck.

“I was waiting for you,” he said, ogling your body from head to toe, with your dress not covering much, his lips curved in a confident smile.

“And you just left? I could have met another man and completely forgotten about you," you said, half teasing half provoking him, as you were walking towards him.

“No, you wouldn’t,” he replied, the confidence in his voice making your knees weaken. He pulled you towards him, his scent invading your nostrils again. You were drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

“Could almost hear that little pussy clench on nothin’, while we were dancin’,” he murmured against your ear while his hands grabbed your ass, pressing you against his bulge. You bit your lip, trying not to moan.

“Am I right? Coulda fucked you in the bathroom, but I wanna take my time with you.”

“So you want to fuck me in your car?”

“No. Not with my dick, at least,” he smirked.

“Shit,” you breathed. No one had ever spoken to you like that before, and heat rushed over your whole body. 

“Wanna come to my place, darlin’?”

“For ‘good kind of trouble’, like you offered? Yes… yeah.”

“‘Course you do,” he added, cockily. 

He grabbed your arms and spun you around, caging you with his broad body, your back against the truck door, his wide thigh between yours. Pressing against your throbbing pussy.

“Is she purin’, baby? This little cunt? She wants to be mine all night, doesn't she?”

“Fuck… yeah.” 

He brushed his nose against your cheeks and ear, then kissed your neck, his hands sliding from your ass to your waist.

You wanted to kiss him, but he seemed to enjoy playing with you. Tease you.

“That’s my girl. Get in the truck, sweetheart,” he said, moving away just enough to open the door.

“Oh, you’re a gentleman?”

He tilted his head to the side and gave you a look that seemed to mean “for now”, then he closed the door. 

“Fuck,” you mumbled. He was so hot and confident that you felt yourself drooling like never before.

“So you’re a contractor?” you said as he sat down, trying to cool off the atmosphere a bit.  “Miller bros,” written on your truck? It explains the arms.”

“You checked out my arms, darlin’?”

“Yeah, like you checked out my ass,” you teased. So much for the cool off.

“I sure did,” he chuckled. “Yeah, Tommy and I are contractors.”

He put his hand on your bare thigh while he was driving. As if you were his. His possessiveness made your core throb and you squeezed your thighs together, trying in vain to ease the tension you were feeling.

“Oh, baby… need it bad, uh? Don't worry, my place ain’t far. Now, be a good girl, and put your hand between your legs.”

You looked at him, surprised and even more aroused.

“You need some release, don’t you?”

You nodded and did as he said, you were here for it after all, and his soft dominant tone was exactly what you craved. You slid your hand between your thighs, down to your soaked panties.

“Two fingers. You can take them easily, I know you're droolin’.”

You bit your lip when you heard him, and slid your hand under the fabric.

That’s a good girl,” he praised. “Now lemme hear her.”

He watched you each time he could- at every red light, every stop, when it was safe.  

You were turned on by the fact that he was there, next to you, this man you had just met. Imagining how he would fuck you, aware that you were already under his control in some way. Under his spell, or whatever you called it. You brushed your folds then pushed two fingers in to let him hear how wet you were.

“Christ, that’s it, darlin’. Ruin my seat.”

You whined, keeping two fingers buried in your cunt, and brought your other hand in your panties to play with your clit and release the tension that was clenching your stomach.

“Oh shit, that’s it baby, two hands,” he said again. “Keep goin’, come in my damn car.”

“Yeah, I’m… I’m gonna come, fuck,” you whimpered, when your climax rushed over you, back arched, pussy clenching on your fingers, clit pulsing under your digit. You felt your wetness flow down to his seat.

“Shit,” he said, grabbing his bulge in his big hand, trying to ease his own tension now, before putting his hand on your thigh again. He didn’t release you until he pulled into his driveway. Then he got out of his truck and walked around to open the door, took your hand in his and led you to his house.

He slammed the door behind you and you finally kissed, your lips crashing against each other. There was no restraint, no reserve, just hunger for more. You moaned in his mouth, while growls were roaring from his throat. Bodies pressed in an impatient and greedy embrace, four hands roaming two bodies.

You pulled back to catch your breath, his hands not letting go of your waist, his eyes fixed on yours, full of desire. His lips found yours again, as he led you backwards to the table against which he leaned you. One hand still on your waist, the other on the back of your neck, he kissed you, holding you tight against him, his tongue brushing yours. 

Unable to hold back any longer, you slid your hand down to his crotch, just to touch him there, to feel its weight. Your breath stopped for a second and he wrapped his hand around yours, pressing it harder against his manhood, licking your tongue and lips.

“Take off your clothes, and show me that pussy, darlin’. Been teasin’ me for too damn long.”

He stepped aside, leaving you in charge of giving him a show that you gladly offered. You removed your dress, revealing your lingerie. The way he was looking at you took away any shyness or nervousness. You paused for a moment and he didn't hurry you, clearly enjoying it. You lost patience first and unhooked your bra then let it fall. You didn’t give yourself time to think about it and pushed your panties to the side, running your finger along your wet folds. Eyes still fixed on him, you brought your digit to your mouth and sucked it slowly.

“You're a naughty little thing,” he said in a husky voice, and you tried not to moan at this word, and kept teasing him. “You like it?” you asked playfully, feeling your wetness flowing down your folds.

He smirked, before adding “lie down on the table, sweetheart.”

You obliged happily as he walked towards you, and grabbed the hem of your panties, sliding them down your trembling legs then off the ankles. He spread your thighs as he stood between them, and brushed your folds with his thumbs, touching you there for the first time, eyes fixed on your glistening pussy.

“A naughty thing, with a really pretty cunt… looks like you’re gonna ruin more than my truck seat.”

“Fuck,” you murmured, and he leant down, hands clamped on your thighs, once again he didn’t wait and lapped at your cunt with one long stripe. His eyes fixed on you.

“Fuck me… you taste so good,” he growled before going back to eating you out, making you moan against the back of your hand. The emotion and the pleasure felt were so strong that your thighs tried to close instinctively. Growling, he spread them with his warm and firm hands, holding you open on the table.

“Joel,” you whined, feeling another climax already rising. His tongue left your folds, quickly replaced by two thick fingers, an she began fucking you with them as his lips surrounded your swollen and sensitive clit. The tip of his tongue played with it, teased it, before sucking on it, making you groan until you came on his tongue and squeezed his face between your thighs, whining his name.

He straightened up when you stopped shaking, pressed his crotch against your cunt, and wiped his glistening beard and moustache with the back of his hand.

You sat on the edge of the table, thighs spread around Joel’s thighs. His large, strong body took its place almost with authority as if it needed it, but every pore of your skin was more than ready to welcome him. 

Eager to return the favor, you unzipped his jeans and knelt down. 

“Needy girl,” he said, as if he wasn’t greedy too, his voice almost a growl of impatience.

You grabbed his jeans and boxers, struggling to free his cock that you felt hammering against the rough fabric of his clothes. You pulled them just below his balls and his cock sprang free, hard, and slapped against his lower belly.

He took your chin between his fingers, eyes full of confidence and how could he not be, given your inability to tear your eyes away from his fat tip, his thick shaft, and his heavy balls?

“I really love the way you look at my cock, but I’d like to see these lips around it, darlin’, if you want too. Before I fuck her.”

Your pussy was drooling again, calling for you to let him fuck her already, but you were craving of having your mouth and throat full of his cock.

“Needy boy,” you said, teasing him, and making him smile. “Yeah, I’m gonna suck him.”

“Him?” he asked, surprised.

“You called my pussy “her”, right?”

“Right”, he chuckled. “So, you’re gonna blow this big boy, baby?”

“You’re still talking about your dick? Or about you?” you asked mischievously, licking his shaft just to hear him growl.

“Darlin’, shit... Both I guess,” he replied, caressing your cheek with his thick thumb.

You grabbed his jeans and boxers, still mid-thigh, and with a sharp tug you pulled them down. Your thumb spread the precum over his tip then tasted it on your tongue, sucking your digit, head raised towards him. He growled, hand tightening on your cheek.

You placed your lips around his tip and started to suck it. His taste, his size, all of him made you moan, and he throbbed even bigger.

“Damn, baby…”, he said in a low voice, before you began jerking him off, your tongue sliding down his shaft towards his balls that you licked too and took in your mouth to feel their weight on your tongue. You sucked them and licked the thin skin behind them. Just to make him shiver, grunt. Just to make him think that you were a menace too.

“Shit, shit… darlin’...”

You took him back in your mouth, deeper and deeper, until his tip brushed the back of your throat. His grunts turned into the most greedy moans you had ever heard.

“Alright, alright, shit, baby… You’re way too good at this, c’mere,” he added, grabbing your elbow to help you up.

Then he spun you around, making you face the table. One hand on your shoulder, he growled “bend down for me, sweetheart.”

His voice was needy, much less in control than earlier in the evening, and you liked feeling him lose his chill.

“You're gonna let me fuck this little cunt, darlin’? Yeah? You’re gonna let me ruin you?”

“Or maybe I’ll ruin you, who knows?” you answered, head towards him. Hoping that he would only hear confidence in your voice, and not the need to welcome him inside you, mixed with the apprehension of wondering if you could welcome him.

“You’re a little menace, you know that?” he chuckled, nestling his cock between your thighs, and you leaned down, placing your cheek and hands on the table.

“Spread wide for me, baby,” he said in a low voice, “and let me in.”

He pushed in and then stopped, just the tip in, grabbed the back of your knee and propped it over the table to open your core. It was the hottest thing you had ever experienced, and your juices flooded his tip.

“We gotta get her used to him, right?” he said, his hand tightening on your shoulder. You could barely hear his words, waiting for him to sink in, to feel him completely.

“Fuck me, Joel. Please, fuck me,” you whined.

Slowly, he thrust in, leaving you breathless for a moment. 

“Oh my god…” you whimpered finally, as his tip, his shaft, were spreading your folds in a mix of delight and light pain.

“Shit, you got such a tight cunt. Tryin’ to swallow me whole.”

He didn't stop, pushing in until he bottomed out and you whimpered. His hand still on your shoulder, he pulled back leaving only his tip in your cunt, before pushing in again. He did this two or three times, to let you get used to him. 

“You’re ready, baby? Because he… wants to fuck, now,” he said, voice low, needy. 

“Yes, Joel,” you replied, and he began pounding into you, his hands clinging to your hips. Fucking you faster, harder, now that your folds had given way under his thickness, helped by your wetness that didn’t stop flowing from his shaft to his balls.

“Damn you’re so fuckin’ tight…”

“Told you…” you panted, “that I’d ruin you.”

He tried to chuckle, but it got cut in his throat. So he tried to calm his breathing, slowing down the pace, fucking you slower but deeper. 

“You’re doing so good, darlin’,” he said between two hip thrusts. “Takin’ me so well.”

You moaned, hands gripping the edge of the table, trying to keep yourself in position, your moans filling the room.

“You’re gonna come again, darlin’?” he growled, one of his hands running down your back from your shoulder to your waist, making you shiver. “Wanna come on my dick?”

“Yes,” you whined. You wanted to soak him, to make him lose his mind just like you knew you would lose yours.

He slid his hand up to your mouth for you to suck on his finger before sliding it over your clit. Stroking it perfectly, he pulled away slightly to watch his cock sink into you.

“Fuck, you’re perfect baby. Keep takin’ it, just like that.”

All you wanted was to keep taking it. Keep feeling him inside you. But soon your climax hit your core and you shook, clit pulsing.

“Oh shit,” he said, when your cunt clenched on him, and squeezed his shaft. 

Teeth gritted, he tried to hold on as much as possible, letting the heat of your pussy drive him crazy. You squeezed his hand in yours, saying “come inside Joel. Inside, please. I’m clean, and I’m on the pill.”

“Can’t do that sweetheart,” he panted.

“Please, Joel, wanna feel you… need you to fill me up,” you insisted, hand tight on his.

“Damn sweetheart,” he growled, still pounding you, as if he didn’t want it to end, just before he filled your cunt with his warmth, breaking the promise he had made to himself years ago for the first time. Unable to resist your hot, tight pussy, your moans, your pleas. He came inside, sending spurt after spurt of cum deep inside you, until he covered your back with his chest, and kissed your shoulder. 

“Darlin’,” he breathed finally, “you’re dangerous, you know that?” he almost laughed against your skin.

A few minutes later, you were watching him zip up his jeans, leaving them unbuttoned, while you were putting on your dress. 

“Can I have your phone, darlin’?”

You handed it to him, watched his thumb dance on it before handing it back to you.

“Now you have my number. I’d be glad if you called me.”

You looked at your phone and smiled, when you saw that he saved his number as Joel (menace).

“It reminds me that you didn’t ask my name once tonight,” you told him.

“Darlin’ suits you well,” he smiled. “But you’re right. What’s your name, darlin’?”

You asked for his phone, and added your contact before giving it back to him.

After your first name, there was “darlin’” in parentheses.

You smiled at each other, his cheek dimpled and your heart stopped for a moment.

Thank you for reading 🙏

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[mooncalvin]

Care to teach me? (Charles Leclerc)

Summary: sleeping can become quite difficult when it is hot and you have the object of your fantasies less than a meter away.

Warnings: +18, MDNI. Masturbation, fingering.

Words: 1k

You and Charles were inseparable. You met each other when you were playing in the park and he offered you his cars to play after he had pushed you off by accident. You weren’t really similar, him being the social butterfly he is and you hiding behind your mother’s legs every time you saw a stranger. It didn’t really matter, because you found in each other a long-needed comfort.

The sound of the sea and the city filled the comfortable silence in Charles’s Monaco’s apartment as you two got ready to go to sleep. It was normal for you to share a bed, given how close you are, and tonight was no different. You slipped into your pajamas, while Charles' back was turned to give you some privacy. When you finished, you made your way to his bed and got under the covers. He followed you getting on the other side of the bed before turning the lights off.

“Good night” he said sleepily.

“Night” you answered, turning your back to him.

You spent almost an hour turning around, but it was too hot for you to fall asleep. You spent another 30 minutes laying flat on your back, wondering if you should go to the kitchen to get some water or maybe open the window, but you came to the conclusion that you weren’t even tired. An idea came to your mind of how to get tired easily, but you immediately discarded it.

Absolutely not.

Even though it always worked for you, you had your limits. You weren’t going to masturbate while Charles was sleeping just one meter away.

You found your best friend attractive, objectively he was, every girl would admit it.

You had given some thought to it. The idea of having sex with Charles played in your mind more than you would like to admit, but of course you never told him. You would just die of embarrassment. You would see girls posting about him on social media or even flirting with him at the club, but he barely paid attention to them. His eyes would always find you, an angelic smile adorning his face. However, you found yourself wanting him to see you as something more than your best friend.

Thinking about him at the paddock after a race, sweat covering his skin, had your hand moving down to your underwear. It felt so wrong, but the more memories that came to your mind, the more you wanted to keep doing it. You removed your pants and moved your panties  to the side, letting your fingers run through your folds. You started rubbing your clit in circles, closing your eyes at the relief. You thought about how his hair had got longer during the break, how it would be to run your hands through it and grab it pushing his head between your thighs, hunger in his eyes.

You didn’t even notice you started squirming, and definitely didn’t notice the man next to you waking up. You were immersed in your vision, eyes still closed and fingers moving.

“Chérie” you froze when you heard his voice, and stopped moving, hoping he wouldn’t notice what you were just doing. “What are you doing down there?”

“I’m just trying to get comfortable,” you replied. 

“And are you comfortable with your hand down your pants?” the lights were off, but you'd bet anything that your face was completely red.

“I thought you were sleeping” you refused to make eye contact, your back still turned to him. He let out a laugh and you felt him moving closer, your back on his shirtless chest.

“Is that better?” you stayed silent. “Would you tell me what you were thinking about?”

“Nothing” you were quick to answer, but of course he didn’t believe you.

“Let me ask again, who you were thinking about that made you touch yourself while you are just in the same bed as me” 

“I said no one” He sighed.

“Well whoever it was wasn’t doing it”

“What’s that supposed to mean” you finally turned to him.

“If it was actually working you wouldn’t be so quiet”

“I think I know how to masturbate, thank you for your concern” you fought back.

“I’m not saying otherwise, I just think that you need some help if you want to achieve something” you let out a gasp when you realized what he meant.

“Care to teach me?” a sudden confidence grew inside you.

“Only if you let me,” he answered. You felt his hand going to yours, which was still in your clit. He moved it away so he could replace it with his own, rubbing circles as you had been doing just a few minutes before. He picked up some speed, making you let out a little moan.

“Just like that,” you said. He moved so he could have better access, but then moved his hand away. You whined at the loss of contact, but it was only before he put one of his fingers inside you, feeling the cold metal of his rings where you were most sensible. He pumped it in and out, relentless. He added a second one and his thumb started working on your bud.

The other hand reached your face, making you look at him while you grinded against his fingers. He was hitting the spot that had you seeing stars. You always imagined it would be good but feeling it was on another completely different level.

“Does it feel good, sweetheart?” he whispered in your ear. You answered with a moan, not being capable of building up a coherent sentence. “Use your words princess” he demanded.

“F-fuck, yes, please go faster” he obeyed your request, taking you to the edge. “I’m gonna cum Charles”

“Come on, I wanna feel you cum around my fingers”, he said in a low voice. You reached your high as you yelled his name, but that didn’t make him stop, as he was still moving his fingers inside you. 

“Feel better now?” he asked smugly. 

You did in fact feel better, but it wasn’t enough. Now you craved even more of him.

[diamond-champagne]

7. Do You Miss Me?

Pairing: Paige Bueckers x Azzi Fudd

Warnings: None that I know of but please let me know!

a/n: We're kind of approaching the end so please give me requests on what I should write next! Thanks for the love, besties <3 It means more than yous know!

New Years Eve

The balloons and confetti fill the air while bottles of booze litter the table. The UConn Womens’ Basketball team; along with the rest of the UConn athletes, have taken their New Year's festivities to a club. It’s loud and packed. It makes the perfect distraction which is what Azzi needs. 

After her nauseating conversation with Caroline, the curly-haired girl was left to face the truth about her relationship with Paige. It’s fragile but teetering. Every interaction pushes it closer to being destroyed; yet it sits on edge, slightly wobbly, but intact. Azzi knows she’s to blame for the current state of their friendship. Though they’ve had rough patches, she never thought it would get this bad. The pair haven’t had a real conversation in weeks; both doing everything they could to avoid the other. In the three conversations they have had, they argue. It’s exhausting, but Azzi is grateful for the disagreements. It means that there’s still some fight left in Paige. Some fight left for them.

Despite how happy she is to be fighting with the blonde, she wishes that they were making up more. The brown-eyed girl has missed her counterpart over the last month. The two don’t have designated time to spend together anymore, don’t go out of their way to borrow the other’s clothes, or simply just cuddle. Azzi misses Paige. It’s not a new concept as their entire friendship is based on missing each other but Azzi is desperate to have the blue-eyed girl near her. She misses the presence of her best friend more than anything. 

She wonders if Paige misses her too. 

Though she imagines that the blonde-haired girl doesn’t because across the club, Paige is making her way to Cameron. Azzi watches as the football player notices the blonde making her way to him. Azzi watches as she slips into the space next to him; pressing her side into his as his arm snakes around her shoulders protectively.

It’s a nauseating sight that results in Azzi throwing back her shot and quickly ordering another one. And another one. And another one. 

“You should slow down,” Caroline says as she sits down next to Azzi.​​ The sentiment, while appreciated, does nothing to deter the curly-haired girl from ordering another shot. She’s being irresponsible, this much she knows, but she needs to forget. She needs to not feel. “It’s New Years Eve. I’m allowed to get drunk.” the girl grumbles out. It’s hard over the music but her teammate hears every word. “You are,” Caroline agrees, “But New Years isn’t why you’re sitting at the bar, drinking alone.”

Azzi turns to face the couple on the other side of the club. She watches as they talk to one of the football player’s teammates. Paige laughs at something and throws her head back. Azzi wonders if Cam loves that sound the way she does. Or does he prefer her giggle that she probably lets out when they engage in banter? 

These thoughts and more occupy the curly-haired girl’s mind more than she’d care to admit. The thoughts alone are suffocating but to watch is like dying a thousand deaths. So Azzi doesn’t bother with a response. Instead, she downs her shot before heading to the floor to dance. The younger girl isn’t sure how long. All she knows is that Waka Flocka turned into Pitbull which turned into Lady Gaga. It doesn’t matter though, because Paige is still connected at the hip to Cam, and Azzi still wishes that was her instead. 

-

Azzi is drunk. The younger girl is standing in the club bathroom with 30 minutes to midnight trying to get herself together. She came in to use the bathroom but that proved to be difficult when she couldn’t even stand straight. The basketball player eventually got that much figured out but couldn’t really do much else besides hold onto the sink for balance. 

The brown-haired girl had just about gotten a hold on herself when a group of girls walk in. Two immediately head towards the big mirror by the sink Azzi is currently occupying. The other two girls head into the stalls but the conversation between the group never falters; which is the only reason Azzi is able identify one the girls as Riley. In fact, the volleyball player is looking at her through the mirror. 

Azzi is drunk but she isn’t drunk enough for this. She supposes she can’t be surprised. Riley is a volleyball player and most of the UConn athletes are at this club tonight. Still, seeing your ex that broke up with you because of your feelings for your best friend who you still aren’t with is very uncomfortable. Talking to them even more so.

“Hi, Az-”

“Hey, Rile-”

They both start but before laughing. The tensitiy in the air lessens and the athletes watch as the other’s body relaxes. Suddenly, talking to each other isn’t that bad but then again, it could be the alcohol. 

“How are you?” Azzi asks.

“I’m good. How are you? How’s Paige?” Riley replies. The answer must reveal itself on Azzi’s face though, because the volleyball player’s eyes widen before she snaps her head in the direction of the taller girl. “You aren’t together?”

The basketball player shakes her head no and Riley’s eyes widen even more. “Listen, I know I said a lot of things that night but I never would have imagined that you two didn’t figure it out.” Azzi laughs in response. “Well, it doesn’t help that she asked if I have feelings for her and I walked out of her apartment.” The statement earns her a slap on the arm and a scolding from the shorter athlete next to her. 

“Why would you do that? It’s obvious that you do!”

“I’m scared,” Azzi starts. Perhaps it’s the alcohol that allows her to be this open because her next words have never been spoken. “I’m fucking terrifed of loving her. I’m terrified of her loving me. Every single time I look into her eyes, she’s got these intense emotions pooling in them and I don’t know how to handle that. Paige looks at me like I’m her forever. She looks at melike I can hang the stars and the moon. Fuck, she’s just so intense and sometimes I worry about it being too much. Sometimes I worry about being too little.” 

“You’re a coward, a liar, and a thief.” Riley states. She says it even toned and softly as if all three of those words were not insults of some kind. 

“Excuse me?” Azzi exclaims. The insult clearly catching her off guard. 

“It’s the truth,” Riley shrugs. “You’re a coward, a liar, and a thief. Until you begin to work on that, allowing yourself to be happy will be hard. You’re self sabotaging and you don’t even know it.”

The basketball player isn’t exactly sure how to respond. She watches as her ex moves toward the bathroom door before turning around.

“Once you figure it out, I hope you get everything you want.” and then she’s out the door. Azzi shakes her head and checks her phone for the time. She tries not to give what Riley said another thought, at least not while she’s this intoxicated. 

There’s five minutes until midnight. 

Azzi walks out of the bathroom and heads towards the section occupied by her teammates, and Cam. A bitter feeling creeps up Azzi’s throat and invades her senses. Would Paige kiss him at midnight? It’s a thought that produces sickening images in the younger girls’ mind. Though as she reaches the section, all she can hear is her ex’s voice in the back of her mind.

I hope you get everything you want.

While she isn’t sober enough to work out whatever Riley thinks she needs to, Azzi can accept that she should after whatever she wants. It is a new year afterall. 

The words repeat themselves as the girls flood the floor along with the other athletes to start the countdown. Azzi can feel the tequila and adrenaline pumping through her veins as she watches Paige separate herself from the football player to be with their friends. 

10

Should she do it? Azzi thinks she passes through the club to get to Paige.

9

Maybe she shouldn’t. She continues walking anyway.

8

Coward. Azzi gets closer.

7

Liar. And closer.

6

I hope you get everything you want this year. 

5

They’re standing face to face.

4

Azzi pulls Paige closer.

3

“What are you doing?” Paige exclaimed

2

“Getting everything I want” 

1

Happy New Year!

Azzi crashes her lips onto Paige.

PREVIOUS | NEXT

[chubbycelebs]

Unlocking Inner Pig

Louis was your average 28 year old man, to an extent. He had a pretty normal office job that got him enough money to live a comfortable but simple life. He lived in a mid rise flat nothing too special. He still occasionally slept around with men he’d see at clubs. However Louis still looked very young for his age. As he was approaching 30 the skinny guy still looked fresh into university. His body had not changed at all since he was 18. He would look at his friends and see them all with hairy chests bigger arms, even a few of them with big bloated bellies that pushed at the old shirts they wore. Louis would go home and look at his skinny frame. Yes he could still see his abs but his arms were so small. His legs and ass so tiny. He longed to be bigger.

One hot summer evening, Louis and his friends were all relaxing in the park. They laid on their shirts catching a tan on their bodies. Louis stood out as the skinniest one there. He looked over at his friends. The odd one or two of them were quite in shape, still sporting faint abs and some muscle in their chest but the rest all had rounded soft hairy guts that guttered up to the sky as they lay back soaking in the sun. Louis looked at his own body, feeling his ribs and bones instead of muscle. One of Louis friends turned over to him and saw him rubbing his body. “You alright mate?” His friend Liam said. Louis took a long sigh and looked at Liam. “Not really. I just feel so small and skinny all the time. Especially laying next to all you guys.” Louis said gesturing to the rest of the group. “You should count your self lucky mate. We all getting fat” Liam said slapping his belly “and you look like you never left uni.” “Well that’s the issue. I’m nearly 30 and still look 18. I just wanna be bigger.”

Liam took a long hard look at his mate. He looked him up and down and then down again really taking in his skinny body. “Well I could always try and help you out if you want. Try and put on some weight if that’s what you want.” Louis face lit up. “Really you’d help me out?” “Of course. If that’s what you want.”

“YES YES PLEASE”

After the boys had finished laying out in the sun all afternoon, they decided to walk back home and settle down for the evening. On the walk back, Louis and Liam decided to split from the group and go into a small fast food place. Louis looked up at the menu then looked at Liam waiting for his input. “You sure you want this mate? We are getting old enough now where a second on the lips is a lifetime on the hips” Liam said with a slight worrying glance at his slim friend. Louis nodded and the two boys stepped forward to order. “Two portions of chips please and a triple cheese burger please” Liam said handing over a tenner and a fiver to the man at the counter. After about 5 minutes a small bag was placed on the counter and then two men carried on their walk back to Louis house. Once they got in Liam placed the food on the table and then went to get a drink from the fridge. He saw that Louis had a pack of beers and decided to grab them. He placed them on the table too. Louis sat down and unpacked his food order. He started picking at the chips as Liam grabbed a beer and opened it up, taking a large swig from it. “Make sure you have these bud” Liam said patting the pack of beer. “Good for building you up.” Louis reached over and grabbed a beer, cracking it open and taking a sip. Liam sat down and the two boys were just chatting about everyday stuff as Louis made his way through the food. Louis didn’t show any sign of being full until he got most the way though his triple burger. As he reached the last few bites he really started to feel it. He stretched and groaned and started to rub his extended gut. He tried to ignore it but the mounting pressure in his stomach was distracting him from his conversation. Just as he was about to give up, Louis felt a rumble in his stomach. He placed a hand on the top of his gut as it trembled. He felt something rise up making his way back to his mouth. His lips parted and a huge belch interrupted conversation. Louis went slightly red in the face. “Better out then in mate” Liam sniggered “you’ll have a bit more room to finish off your food now.” Liam was right. Louis belly felt much more at ease and he finished off the rest of food and chugged back the rest of his beer. The two boys spent the rest of the night getting slowly more drunk as they got through the whole pack of beers. By 2am Louis was passed out on the sofa. Liam looked over at his skinny friend. His thin torso was stretched out pushing against his shirt. Liam knew that his mates skinny body would never last now. Once a man gets a taste for going to bed bloated and full they always will. It won’t be long till Louis joins the ranks of other 30 year olds with a belly.

The next morning, Louis woke feeling groggy from all the food and beer he’d eaten. He stretched upwards and collapsed back on the sofa. His hands moved to his stomach which still felt kind of bloated. He rubbed it slowly as he started to wake up more. He couldn’t see Liam in the sun filled living room and assumed he’d gone home when he had passed out. Louis kept rubbing his belly. Thoughts raced through his mind. Thoughts of his gut getting bloated again. Getting more full than ever before. Then thoughts of the bloat turning to soft squishy fat. Rubbing his belly and watching his fingers squish deep into his fattening gut. As these thoughts raced he moved his hand further down, pushing it through the waist band of his boxers to touch his morning wood. The thought of his dick slowly disappearing from sight as his belly grows bigger and bigger. He starts to rub his cock slowly as more thoughts of his chest swelling up, his ass blowing through his jeans, his thighs shredding his boxers all filled his mind. For some reason after last night he became obsessed with the idea of getting fat instead of big and muscly. One night of stuffing his face and he was took with the idea of growing jiggly all over. He started to pump his dick harder and faster, letting out a few moans as the idea of him becoming overweight filled his mind. He couldn’t hold it in anymore. He was moaning so loud as he got closer to climax. His cock was ready to blow. The door the living room started to be pushed open. Louis looked over but it was too late. His cock exploded all over his belly and he moaned loudly as Liam stepped through the doorway with a large plate of food. Louis quickly tried to cover his belly with his shirt only for the cum to soak it and show through. “Omg I’m so sorry you saw that. I thought you’d gone and I was just letting off some steam and-“

“Louis it’s fine lol. We all get like that don’t worry bout it. Just wished you’d given me a bit more warning before I walked in haha” Liam laughed as he sat down on the sofa and placed the large McDonald’s breakfast order in front of Louis. Louis felt so embarrassed, rubbing his shirt to try and distract from the cum that had soaked through it. “Bloody hell Louis just take your top off I don’t care. I’ve seen worse. Bloody Niall looks like a hairy baby elephant every time he gets shirtless you look fine.” Louis was still apprehensive to take his top off but decided to do so, rubbing the rest of the cum off his stomach as he did. “Now dig into this. Thought you’d be hungry this morning and you wanted big so here. Enjoy.” On the plate were two bacon egg and sausage McMuffins, 3 hash browns, 2 breakfast wraps and a large milk shake. “I don’t think I’m that hungry to be honest.” Louis said still covering his bloat in shame. “I think I’ll eat later on toda-“ he was interrupted by the sound of his own stomach rumbling loudly to the smell of the breakfast food. “I think your stomach thinks different eh big guy? Just tuck in.” Liam said standing up. “I’m gonna take a shower. I’ll be surprised if any of that is left when I get back” he said under his breath as he left the room, pulling off his shirt which displayed his own figure. His soft stomach slightly jiggled as he walked, covered on thick hair, going from the top of his jiggly chest to the waist band of his boxers. Louis looked at his hairless, fatless body and a pang of jealously coursed through his veins. He grabbed the McMuffin and stuffed it into his mouth. The routine of Louis stuffing his mouth full of fast food continued for many weeks. Liam would usually come round once a week after a whole group gathering and check up on Louis’ progress, just with asking simple questions making sure he was eating big. The first evening of stuffing his belly had awoken something in Louis. He now couldn’t stop eating. If he was doing anything he was doing it eating food. His inner pig was out for good now and he couldn’t contain it. His body now started to show signs of change happening. His once toned skinny stomach had melted away. He now had a soft lower belly, a spate tire that wrapped around his lower body. It pushed out over the waist band of his boxers and was obviously seen through any shirt. His chest started to soften too, his nipples are pushed outwards growing in size and softness. Slowly they began to droop onto his growing gut. The rest of his body saw changes too. His arms thicker up, his ass had doubled and his legs also began to touch as he walked. By the end of summer he had transformed his summer bod already into a dad bod so quickly. By the end of summer, the group of lads thought it be best to go shopping for some winter clothes as the weather started to drop quickly. Louis showed up with a hoody over his body, hiding the changes. After looking around the shop for a bit they needed to try on their new clothes. In the changing rooms they all went and all got changed. One of the more in shape boys left his changing room first and all the boys looked at his new outfit, all poking their heads out of their changing rooms, or even standing out just in their boxers to get a look. Here is when one of the boys called out about Liams body.

Liam had been getting softer for a while now so that wasn’t news to anyone, but since spending so much time with Louis and his fattening routine, Liam had also packed on the weight. His belly now poked out to the point it sagged slightly over his boxers, his chest looking more like tits and his back was lined with rolls leading the eye to the dump truck of an ass he had grown. As the attention went onto Liam one of the boys went up to him and shook its belly telling him how fat he’d gotten. “Age has gotten to you now huh fat boy?” ”Your not young forever look at that belly” “I remember when you had a six pack on school.” “You fat fuck what have you done to your self!?” The boys hurled jokingly abuse at Liam. Liam took it lightly only going slightly red, and even joining in on the mocking, shaking his belly and taking handfuls of his hairy fat gut. However Liam got a glimpse of Louis body. He still had his jeans on but his tank top was sitting tight across his bloated gut. Usually he can get away with his gain not being noticed but the fact he’d stripped down to his tank top and also just ate a family sized meal before coming out made his soft belly look much bigger. Liam locked eyes with Louis and grinned menacingly.

“Omg look at Louis. He’s finally a fat fuck.” Liam pointed at Louis as he shouted that. Louis was in shock. He never thought he’d point it out to the group his weight gain. The boys all wiped their heads around to see if what Liam was saying truth. To their surprise, the once skinny man had in fact developed a fully fledged belly. “Omg what happened to you?” “You FINALLY got fat? Fuck” “Holy shit dude you let your self go FAST.” Liam had successfully turned the abuse off of him and onto Louis. As Louis stood there getting poked and slapped and jiggled he put on a brave face, for deep inside he was absolutely livid at Liam. Liam just stood there grinning watching as Louis was played with and mocked.

That evening when Louis and Liam started walking back to Louis house, they walked in silence. Louis was so mad at Liam for exposing his weight gain and telling the whole group about it just because he was insecure that he got fat too. They both walked into Louis house and sat on the sofa. Louis visibly displayed his anger on his face. Liam didn’t understand what was wrong. “So you wanna order some food then?” Liam pipped up after an uncomfortable silence.

“Oh you just wanna fatten me up some more so ya?” Louis spat back at him. Liam looked confused and made a confused noise at him. “Oh don’t act all incident. You’ve been coming doing here every week buying me fattening foods and telling to stuff my gut full. It’s your fault I’ve got tits for pecs now. It’s your fault my hips don’t fit into jeans. It’s your fault I’m carrying around this FAT FUCKING BELLY!” Louis ripped off his tank top and grabbed his gut shaking it. He was red in the face he got so angry. After shacking his belly in Liams face, Louis collapsed back into his sofa seat. “I never even wanted to get fat. I wanted to get bigger. You’re just fucked in the head and fattened me up for your own sick and twisted fantasy.”

Liam had enough of this. He stood up. “You didn’t want this huh? So it wasn’t you I caught wanking off to your own full fat stomach. It isn’t you that stuffs your face six out of seven nights a week. It isn’t you that looks in the mirror every morning grinning as you realise you’re getting closer and closer to finally busting your fat ass through your old underwear. It’s not my fault you regret exchanging your twink body for some fat hogs.” Louis looked at Liam with his mouth slightly agape. Liam now pulls off his shirt too and grabs a handful of his huge gut. “Do you think I want this too? Huh? Do you think I wanted to get fucking obese just cos you wanted to get fat. No but it’s my fault cos I’m greedy and could resist eating big like you do. At least I admit when I’m a fucking pig instead of pinning the blame on some other hog like you.” Liam grabbed his top and started to walk out the room. “I hope you find peace being a fat fuck. I’m leaving. Gonna get a maccies to release the stress now.” Liam mumbled as he stomped out the house and slammed the door. Louis sat there in shock. What had just happened.

It took Louis about a week to process what happened that evening. Him and Liam hadn’t spoken since and the other boys made no effort in getting the two to hang out together. Louis was thinking about what Liam had said about him wanted to get fat. Louis was confused. He enjoyed getting fat but was that want he wanted? He felt such same when everyone noticed his fattened body. Surely he would be proud of it if he truly wanted to be fat. Louis came to the conclusion that he wanted to give the gym a go. See if being muscly was the craving he desired.

For the autumn months, Louis spent a lot of time alone. He’d still eat pretty big but mostly focused on hitting the gym hard everyday. He needed to work off that fat Liam had forced onto him. It took time but eventually the spare tire was eventually shaved down to a slight gut, hardly noticeable compared to his bigger arms and tighter chest. After all this time he had started to achieve what he wanted to achieve. He was bigger finally and even his body hair started to come through. But he still felt unsatisfied with this transformation. He caught him self longingly staring at fat hogs in the gym that desperately tried to get rid of their bulk. He craved the evenings where he’d be in a food coma and his distended belly was sticking out. He missed the feeling of getting bigger and feeling his clothes hug tight to his body. Was Liam right? Had he always really desired becoming fat and joining the ranks of other men his age. Louis thought of Liam and how he has transformed over the summer and gone from overweight to obese. Louis struggled to contain him self at the thought that maybe he could follow suit. Louis left the gym immediately, still shirtless and in his shorts running to his car. He raced round to the nearest fast food place and ordered a jumbo family sized portion of food. That night he ate like he was the king. As he ate his final chip and came all over his belly he knew this was the life he wanted. He knew he couldn’t rest till he was huge.

Oh how Louis missed this. He missed the feeling of his fat gut pushing his clothes to their limits. He missed rubbing his soft gut to release an earth shattering belch. He missed stepping on the scales and seeing that number rise every single day. Being fat was his calling. He was destined to be a hog and that he would do. Evening after evening he would spend stuffing his face with food. As Christmas came and went he made sure to fill his belly with as much sweet fattening food he could get his hands on. His family were shocked by his weight gain to start with but by the end of his stay were happy that he had finally filled out. One of his uncles had a long conversation to him one evening when everyone had gone to bed. It was just Louis and his uncle sat in the living room sipping on the last few drops of their beers, both men having swollen guts that guttered out in front of them. His uncle told him the story of how when he was in his 20s he was sooooo skinny and nothing he could do would make him out on weight. But just one day the weight started piling on and how it’s never stopped since. Louis looked at his uncle, a very large fella. He always made fun of him self for how fat he’d gotten but it wasn’t till this evening that Louis saw himself in him. He looked down at his softening body and was proud to say he was following in his uncles footsteps.

Soon after Christmas Louis was trying on some clothes when it suddenly hit him that he had grown too fat for them now. He looked at him self in the mirror with his gut pressed so tightly against his shirt he’s surprised he hasn’t ripped through it yet. His belly was empty and already looked soo big. Louis felt the pressure build in his underwear. He couldn’t contain it anymore he needed someone to fatten him up.

Louis had dabbled in some gaining content online and he had heard of “grommr” a gaining dating site of sort. He knew in this moment that he may as well give it a go and see if he could get someone over quick to help bust out of his clothes. As his account finished setting up and started searching for feeders in the area. He found a very handsome chap called Harry. His profile was filled with photos of his hard muscly body pressed against fat hogs soft piggy body. He decided to shoot him a quick DM and almost got an instant message back.

-Louis: hey Harry! You look insane and love what you’ve done to those men. Mind filling me up like that?

-Harry: lemme see what I’m working with and I’ll be over in 5.

Louis takes his too off and trousers and lays on the bed in just his size small boxers. They were stretched so tight across his thighs and ass that they were basically see through. Louis snaps a photo of his belly resting on his lap, his chest dropping slightly onto the gut and his love handles pushing his body wider.

-Louis: This enough to work with?

-Harry: Damn. You’re already a fat piggy huh? Well prepare to become a fucking hog when I’m down with you.

No longer than 5 minutes later Louis heard a knock on the door. Louis, still on his underwear, jiggled his way to the door to unlock it. As he opened the door, the man that stood before him was not the one he expected. Harry on his profile had rippling abs, thick strong chest and moved into his big arms. His body was always contrasting the fat ones in the photos so why did the man in front of Louis also look like a fat hog. Harry looked to be around 250lbs of pure fat. His belly pressed tight to his band tshirt that was far too small for him, his love handles peaking out the bottom of the hem. His skinny jeans were skin tight to his thick thighs and fat ass. His double chin was pretty prominent.

Harry could sense the stares he got from Louis. “It’s me Harry! I know I look different than my profile. I did used to be very ripped and in shape but one feeding session the feedee turned into the feeder and I just couldn’t stop going back. Sorry I’m not who you thought I was but I hope you don’t mind this piggy feeding you up?” Louis was overwhelmed with how horny he was now. He pulled Harry in and immediately ripped his clothes off. The two hogs went at each other all day. Harry filling Louis up with as much fattening food as he could get his hands on. Louis was exploring Harry’s insanely sexy large body. They spent all day eating, drinking, touching, and fucking. Louis had never felt anything like this before. The feeling of being so full and having someone else’s full gut pressed against your back as they thrusted deeper into your fattened asshole. He had never felt something so erotic then being stuffed with muffins as he moaned loudly with every thrust into his ass cheeks. Louis thought he couldn’t get more full but once Harry released his load into him, he felt his belly surge forward even more. Louis was left sweating, panting and groaning as he lay on his bed naked and fattened up. Why did he ever wait this long to have sex with a fatty.

Once Harry left Louis did some thinking. He missed Liam. They hadn’t seen each other in nearly a year. Louis imagined Harry being Liam, having his huge hairy body pressed against his. He didn’t even know if Liam was fat anymore. He knew the rest of the boys all kept steadily gaining weight, even the ones that kept in shape started to soften up as we all approached 30. He could only imagine how big Liam could be. Did he ever think of how large Louis could be by now. Even thought Liam was living rent free in Louis mind, he could never reach out after everything he said to him that evening. After all that and for Louis to just get fatter and fatter still, there’s no way Liam would ever forgive him. He had to move on.

So the next 6 months Louis spent with Harry. The two would hook up every week, ensuring that Louis was gaining an appropriate amount of weight every time they met. Their sex was incredible and the results on Louis body, well they spoke for them selves.

Louis had fully transformed into a huge obese man. He never thought this could be possible. He remember back when he was skinny and how desperately he wanted to put on even ten pounds and now he was well known his way to three hundred pounds.

As Christmas came and went and winter final started to turn to spring, the group of lads decided it would be a good time to meet up for a shopping trip, to start their summer wardrobe. When Louis got the text about this meet up, he was skeptical if he was going to go or not. This time a year and a half ago was the last time he had seen most of the boys. He was made fun of last time for sporting a dad bod but now Louis looked like he’s non stop stuffed him self for the past year and a half (which he basically had done). He also thought about Liam and how if he was to show up they might end up fighting again. He didn’t wanna lose his friend again. But even though he was scared to go, Louis agreed. Plus he actually needed more summer clothes, he’s grown out of all of last years ones by nearly one hundred pounds.

The boys all met at the fast food place next to the shops. Liam was one of the last ones to show up. He opened the door to the restaurant and saw that Liam wasn’t there. He was slightly disappointed about this but he didn’t let it get him down. As he approached the table however he did notice how all the other guys around the table seemed to have suffered the same fate as himself. Not one of them resembled the fit toned jocks from their uni days. Every single one was most definitely overweight if not obese. As Louis approached the boys turned around and started shouting. “Look even this skinny thing couldn’t escape obesity.” “Haha Louis look at ya! You’re huge!” “Think he’s the biggest one here hahaha” The boys hadn’t changed. They still poked fun at him for his weight. But Louis didn’t mind it this time. Maybe it was due to the fact that yes he was the biggest one there but they weren’t far behind him. They all were big fat fellas now.

They all sat down and started to order food when the sound of the door to the restaurant sounded. The boys all turned around and Louis heard the yelling of “Liam omg haha look at you!” “Shit dude you let your self go!” “You’ve gotta be nearly 400lbs mate what happened?” Louis turned around and his mouth hit the floor. Liam was huge, beyond huge. Louis couldn’t even imagine how he got that big over that period of time. Louis looked longingly at Liam as Liam locked eyes with him before scanning Louis body up and down. Louis looked down and thought about what Liam would be thinking looking at him. He begged to know what he’d say. Liam sat down and after a few more jokingly jabs at Liams extreme gain, the boys decided to order food.

Louis had never seen so much food get devoured so quickly before in his life. All these fat hungry men polished off their plates in minutes leaving not a crumb. They spent the meal chatting and catching up with each other. Louis and Liam hadn’t interacted once. After the meal was over the fat man group decided to waddle over to the clothes shop. They spent ages joking about the old shirts they used to wear and how their new big bodies would destroy them in seconds now.

The time came for the boys to try on their clothes. They all filed into the changing rooms. Louis had taken off his too and started to put on a button up when he heard the door to his room be opened. He turned around and saw Liam stood there in his underwear. Louis heard began to race at the sight of him. Liams body has just exploded with lard. His belly hung down with his chest sitting on top his big gut. His legs and ass were so thick they couldn’t avoided touching. He truly had transformed into a huge hog of a man he used to be. “I wanna talk Louis” Liam said with a slightly saddened look on his face. Louis just nodded not having the strength to muster up words. “I’ve missed you. I regret how I spoke to you that evening but you had to listen to what I was saying. It wasn’t my fault but I felt so guilty after that night. As you can see I’ve put on a few” with this comment Louis giggled slightly “well maybe more than a few. But I just couldn’t stop eating cos I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I worried that after what I said you’d lose the weight and stop gaining but I’m so happy to see that isn’t true. You look good.”

Louis finally found the words to respond. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. You were right. I wanted to get fat. And I enjoy being fat. But I also enjoyed you getting fat with me. I’ve missed you making sure I was eating everything, drinking every last beer. But I miss you stuffing your face as well and we’d touch bellies every so often. I missed when we had our little secret to get fat. Obviously now everyone’s fucking huge so no need for the secret part but I’d like to do that again with you. Feel our bodies change together again.” Louis stepped closer to Liam just close enough so their hairs on their bellies brushed slightly. Liam didn’t even think twice before pushing him self onto Louis and passionately making out with him.

After that day Liam and Louis became inseparable. They spent every day together feeding each other pleasing each other making sure they both were loved and fed. Liam gained so much weight he could hardly move and Louis blew up massively. He’d always imagined being big but the size of him now was unimaginable. Now sitting at around 600lbs Louis had become the huge big fat guy he had longed to be in his late twenties. Now on his early thirties he had finally found peace in his life and in his new body and he couldn’t be happier with his morbidly obese partner Liam. After years of confusion and gaining the two finally lived fattening ever after.

Thank you so much if you read this story! It has taken me a long time to write it and I really loved how it turned out. I hope you guys enjoyed it too. For any more story ideas pls let me know. I’m happy to do them if they strike my interests! Thank you again!

[slipintobangtan]

Meet me in my office

Genre: Afab! reader x Heesung, smut,

Synopsis: after a one night stand with a handsome stranger you sneak away before he wakes up only to meet him again as your boss at your new job

Smut warnings: nipple sucking, pussy eating

Word count: 7.7k

Thank you @kyunlov for requesting part 2! 💕

____________________🩷____________________

When I woke up it was still dark, I found my phone on the floor with my dress in a crumpled ball. I checked the time, it read 4:30am. Right then I decided that last night would only be a one time thing because I’m still hurt from my ex dumping me a couple days prior. I slipped my dress back on, picked up my heels and tip toed my way to his front door, making sure to be quiet enough not to wake him. I didn’t leave my number and I gave him a fake name at the club, he’ll forget me eventually.

I walked to the nearest convenience store and ordered an uber home, turns out we didn’t live very from each other. I don’t come on this side of town very often, it’s for the more wealthy people so it’s not surprising I’ve never run into him before. As I’m heading home in the uber I noticed about 10 missed calls from Karina and almost 30 text messages. Shit I thought to myself, I got so caught up with him I had forgotten to tell her I was leaving the club. I send her a quick message telling her I’m alive and I’m sorry and that I will call her later, after she wakes up.

As soon as I opened my apartment door I was greeted by my little cat cocoa, named after the colour of her fur. I didn’t bother getting changed, I just dropped onto my bed. I was tired, not even getting under the covers, I grabbed a blanket I had left on my bed earlier and cuddled up to it. Drifting off to sleep.

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing, without looking at the caller I answered it. It was Karina “where have you been?? I was worried sick last night, are you okay?” After apologising to her and explaining my night to her, she calmed down a little and asked “how hot was mystery guy?” I laughed and replied “oh course that’s what you want to know” she faked shock and giggled “what? you wouldn’t go home with just any random, he must have been really good looking” I smiled remembering how handsome he was. “He was inanely hot but that doesn’t matter, I’ll never see him again” I told her and that ended the conversation about him. She spoke again “well today you should relax, you’re starting that new job tomorrow right?” She reminded me I needed to get my clothes out of my wardrobe and ready for tomorrow. “Yes! speaking of, I’ve got to go get a few things ready for tomorrow, talk to you later” I got my clothes out and packed my lunch for tomorrow. I plan to spend the rest of the day in bed watching YouTube.

Tomorrow comes around and I’m now on my way to the office I will be working at. It’s on the wealthier side of town, my old car stands out like a sore thumb when I pull up in the car park. I walk into the building and head straight for the reception desk telling the lady behind the desk that I’m a new employee and don’t have a key pass yet. She asks for the floor I will be working on, I give her all my details and she tells me Sam, one of the senior employees I will be working with will be down shortly to bring me up. Sam uses his key pass to buzz me through the security gates and takes me up to our floor.

Once I’m in our section of the office Sam introduces me to everyone and says “you’ll be sitting next to Lily, he motions with his hand to an empty desk next to a friendly looking girl. Lily smiles at me “if you need help, just ask me” I thank her and asked her to show me how to do a few tasks assigned to me. By the time Lily has finished teaching me the ropes I hear the other girls in our team start excitedly whispering to each other. I looked over at them and ask them what’s happening, I want to be in on the gossip too. “The boss is here” they replied and I followed their eyes across the room to see the back of a man wearing a very expensive looking suit.

The second he turned his head I almost passed out in disbelief, it was the guy from the club. I saw Sam talking to him and then they made their way over to us. Sam spoke “Mr Heesung, this is our new employee y/n” Heesung looked over at me, he recognised my face straight away then looked confused for a split second. That’s when I remembered I gave him a fake name at the club. A small smirk appeared on his face then quickly disappeared as he reach out his hand to shake my own. He greeted me saying “nice to have you on the team y/n” putting slight emphasis on my name, thankfully no one seemed to notice. Letting go of my hand after holding on a little too long, he smiles over at the rest of the team and tells everyone one to have a great day. Before he leaves he stops and turns his head “y/n meet me in my office when you have a minute, I have a few things I need to discuss with you” I almost shrank into my seat.

After waiting a few minutes I made my way over to his office door, before entering I took a second to compose myself for what was to come. I knocked twice then heard a “come in” from the other side of the door.

As I walked in he told me to take a seat. He was sat behind his desk, his suit jacket now draped over the back of his chair. After I sat down he stood up and walked around his desk to stand behind me “So y/n” he used the fake name I gave him. I felt strong hands placed on my shoulders, he leaned down and whispered in my ear from behind me. “Is there anything you would like to tell me” he said in a low tone.

I stopped and thought for a second, this is my new workplace, I need to be somewhat professional. I started “Mr Heesung” he stopped me “Heesung is fine, we know each other better than that don’t we” he said, one side of his lips lifting up in a small smirk. I continued “okay Heesung, I’m sorry I gave you a fake name when we met, you were a stranger in a club” he stared at me, his eyes telling me to continue. “I didn’t think I would see you again, let alone run into you here of all places” he still didn’t look satisfied, slowly snaking his hands down my arms until his hands reach my own, he grabbed hold of each of my hands and leaned down into my ear again. “Is there anything else you would like to apologise for y/n” he said using my real name now.

A tiny gulp made its way down my throat “I’m sorry I left before you woke up” I answered him, he was quick to retort back “you remember now” he paused for a second and then continued “ I thought I would have to jog your memory” His lips now dangerously close to my neck, lightly brushing against my skin “that was very naughty of you y/n” he said turning my chair around so I was now facing him. He stood closer to me placing his hands on each arm of the chair I was sitting on “I think you should make it up to me” one of his hands reached up and gently l took hold of my chin. “Can you think of a way to do that” memories of the other night flashed in my head, I suddenly felt hot thinking about how good he felt that night.

Looking at him I lightly tugged on his suit tie bringing him closer to my face, the familiar smell of his cologne again pulling me in more. “Do your lips still taste like strawberry” he asked me, egging me on. I pulled his tie closer until our lips connected, like waves crashing into each other. With his hands now entwined in my hair I grabbed a handful of his dress shirt. I was still sitting down, he scooped me up by my thighs and carried me over to his desk, placing me on top of it. Remembering my weak spot, he started sucking on my neck hard and rough this time, I was sure he would leave a mark but I didn’t stop him. His sucks became lighter, his tongue leaving a wet trail towards my chest.

His hands started unbuttoning my dress shirt, taking longer than he would like to come undone, he ripped the last button off. My bra now on display, he pulled it down, gaining access to my bare chest. He ran his thumb over my nipple before taking my other breast into his mouth. Running his tongue over my nipple in circles, occasionally giving it a little nip with his teeth.

His hands moved to my skirt, hiking it and removing my panties. Then positioning me on the desk where he wanted me, my elbows wresting behind me as I leaned back further on his desk not worrying about the papers and pens I pushed aside. He took hold of my legs and placed them over his shoulders, peppering kisses all the way up my thighs until he reached my now wet pussy. Holding onto my thighs he slowly licked the entrance of my pussy almost teasing me, his warm wet tongue already driving me insane. He continued, pushing his tongue into my pussy until he was completely inside, finding his way to my clit with ease. I grabbed hold of his hair as I felt him flicking his tongue up and down, playing with my clit. My eyes rolled back in my head when he started sucking on it, the pleasure almost unbearable.

I know he could feel my legs slightly shaking, he could tell I was almost at my limit. But he pulled back before I could finish, stood up and took my chin between his thumb and index finger. I looked up at him in a daze from being edged like that. He looked at me and said “that is your punishment for being naughty y/n” I liked the way my named sounded coming out of his mouth. He fixed his suit tie back into place and gently pulled me down off of his desk. With a small smile he spoke again very composed. “That is all, you may leave my office now” I scrambled to put my clothes back on, hurriedly walking to his office door, making sure to cover the hickey on my neck with my hair, praying my lips don’t look swollen.

Once I made it back to my desk I calmly sat down and took a deep breath. Lily looks overs and stares at me for a second before asking “did you lose a button” I pretended to only just notice and reply “oh, it must have just fallen off” then turned to my desk and thought to myself, this is my first day here, how long will I last with him as my boss.

Link to part 1 -

[maxybabyy]

winter warmers day 11: ugly sweaters

“I like your shirt,” Checo says and gestures to the bright green sweater Daniel is wearing. Fits the theme very well with how ugly it is. “’I come in peace’ ha! Is this about Liam? It is very funny.”

Daniel wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, then uses it to shove down the hem of his shirt. Looks down at himself like he also isn’t entirely sure. Checo’s only known for a week now, but he can imagine it may take a little longer to get used to, losing his seat to a kid who’s barely cut his teeth on a track yet.

But Daniel only shakes his head, the end of his mouth curling upwards.

“Nah, man. Max thought we should do couple’s sweaters this year,” he says and nods to the other group where Max is holding court. “Think maybe he was trying to be funny.”

“Ah,” Checo says and sips what’s left of his beer. Cracks another when the bottle empties. He doesn’t have a diet anymore, has nothing to do come next year. He can have another drink, celebrate what’s left of a decent season. “He pissed about Liam then?”   

They both turn to look at Liam, standing just a foot or two away from the circle but still somehow listening intently to Max’s joke. Checo knows best – after Daniel, maybe – how fun Max is to be around, the presence that he brings, always drawing you in until you’re 30 minutes deep in the merits of naming cats after Monaco clubs and at what point you should be allowed to break tradition.  

But usually at the end of the season, Checo tends to tone down Max-time, oversaturated with sim-racing updates, Max’s opinions on fruit in alcohol – passion fruit in gin, but not vodka – and FIFA rankings that he doesn’t need to look up, but somehow always just knows.

Daniel obviously never seems to reach the same limit – and for some reason, Liam doesn’t either.

“Nah, it’s not – they’re cool. Liam and Max, yeah?” Daniel says and sucks his teeth.

Checo mirrors him as they watch Liam throw his head back, lips spread wide in a grin. Max’s face lights up like it always does, and Checo thinks maybe he will miss this too. Across from Max, Oscar’s face remains passive, watching the pair with dark eyes even as Carlos leans in to whisper something in his ear.

“Hey, I’m sorry about the seat, if I haven’t said. Shit way to end it,” Daniel tells him and bumps their shoulders together.

The shock is short-lived. Checo really should have known Max would have let it slip, to Daniel at least. And maybe because it’s Daniel, it doesn’t hurt as much.

Later, Checo is talking to Carlos when suddenly he slaps a hand over Oscar’s face and yells out,” Ay, cabrón! There are children around.”

Checo turns to look at Max who is giving him the finger. Daniel is wrapped around him from behind, lips close enough to whisper in his ear but it’s nothing Checo has not seen in the paddock before. And then Lando joins in, “That’s fucking rank, mate. Didn’t even think about the eyes of poor Osc?”

“What’s this about?” Oscar huffs and tries to shake Carlos’ hands off him. He only gets them halfway, resting loosely by Oscar’s shoulders as he too stares at the couple. “Huh, yeah alright.”

Checo looks at Max with a frown, at the red knit sweater with the row of snowflakes and like, christmassy stuff at the bottom. And maybe the hem is a bit short, showing off a pale strip of Max’s stomach, but that’s about it.

Nothing but the word Peace written across the chest – perfectly fitting as a Christmas sweater.  

Inspired by this TikTok:

With this very bad edit:

[theweirdwideweb]

Can we have more film club updates? That was amazing and I’m proud of you!!!!

Well you remember how my friend was also at film club? She and I hung out on Christmas Day. We went to my sister's house for lunch. We played with my niece, nephew, and mother in a tent and then went to Nosferatu. My friend has been closer to the film club asshat than I have and asked if I wanted to see his text to her about The Incident, but warned me it was bad. Since nothing he said to my face about mental illness upset me because duh, not a shred of truth to it--- actually what he said about me in the text upset me. He tried to convince my friend that I was venting narcissistic rage at him the entire 45 minutes before he ran his mouth off and I stormed out. He said I am, in fact, a toxic narcissist who is in active addiction, not recovery, and I'm trying to lure my friend into a codependent relationship. It got to me. Such a reality warping piece of gaslighting. I had therapy today and talked about it. It triggered a lot of trauma. The doctor and I talked about how my mother would mercilessly abuse me as a child and then when I was angry or upset she'd accuse me of bullying and abusing her. We also talked about how the man I was in love with all my 20s would come sleep in my bed 3 nights a week, hold me, give me shoulder massages, fuck me and then act like I should just know better when I wanted to be his girl. For 8 years he led me on that way and then beat the shit out of me. I talked with the doctor about how in my early 20s in the recession when the unemployment rate for my demographic was over 50% I had a small job filling bottles with supplements for $9/hr and how the gagillionaire CEO dressed me down within 30 seconds of meeting me: told me I was fat, depressed, and obviously hadn't gotten laid recently. When I said that wasn't true he said, "Well it wasn't as good as you wanted it to be, was it?" We talked about how I was minding my business on the train home from work just after Christmas 2019 when a completely random woman pepper sprayed me in the face and just stepped off the train. I possess a deep fear that somehow I am marked out for cruelty. Greg, the film club asshat, tipped his hand by calling me a narcissist. He's a narcissist. He's the one who doesn't give a damn about people and tries to warp reality so he appears a victim. Even though I knew it wasn't true when I got home from Nosferatu I was taking internet tests to see if I have empathy, signs you're a narcissist, googling "what is active addiction." Am I hurting people and I don't realize it? When I think people think I'm smart and funny am I just being completely delusional? Am I making a fool of myself? No, I'm not any of those things. But it hurt me because I just have this sense that there's something wrong with me. Something that repulses people, makes them hate me. Even strangers can pick me out of a crowd. Is it because I'm ugly? Is it because I move my body strange? Is it because they read neurodivergence on me? It feels like my fault. I've always felt that way. Like if I could just fix myself and be good enough that I could stop the abuse and have friends and hobbies and a safe place for myself. I've never been safe in my whole life and it gets to me. It's like how I feel trapped by mental illness. I try as hard as I can and it will never leave me. It's as if I'm in an abusive relationship with life itself. I was marked out at birth by my abusive parents and biology. I can take comfort that I'm a better person than all these abusers---but I still lose. I lost that job filling bottles. I lost the love of my youth. Now I lost the film club, too, something which I felt proud of. I said, "See? I can go out into the city and find friends. When I talk to people they see I'm smart and funny and they like me."

[physalian]

Humanizing Your Characters (And Why You Should)

To humanize a character is not to contort an irredeemable villain into the warped funhouse mirror reflection of a hero in the last 30 seconds to gain “narrative subversion” points. To humanize is not to give said villain a tragic backstory that validates every bad choice they make in attempt to provide nuance where it does not deserve to be.

To humanize a character, villain or otherwise, is to make them flawed. Scuff them up, give them narrative birthmarks and scars and imperfections. Whether it’s your hero, their love interest, the comic relief, the mentor, the villain, the rival, these little narrative details serve to make all your literary babies better.

Why should you humanize your characters?

To do this means to write in details beyond those that service the plot, or the themes, or the motifs, morals, foreshadowing, or story. These might be (and usually are) entirely unimportant in the grand scheme of things. So, if I wrote lengthy diatribes on pacing and why every detail must matter, and character descriptions and thematic importance, why am I now suggesting go free-for-all on the fluff?

Just like real people have quirks and tics and beliefs and pet peeves that serve our no greater purpose, so should fictional people. Your average reader doesn’t have the foggiest idea what literary devices are beyond metaphor, simile foreshadowing, and anecdote, but they can tell when the author is using motif and theme and all the syntactical marvels because it reads that much richer, even if they can’t pinpoint why.

And, for shipping fodder, these tiny little details are what help your audience fall in love with the character. It doesn’t even have to be in a book – Taylor Swift (whether you like her or not) never fills her music with sexual innuendo or going clubbing. She tells stories filled with human details like dancing in the refrigerator light. People can simultaneously relate to these very specific and vivid experiences, and say “not that exactly, but man this reminds me of…” and that’s (part of) the reason her music is so popular.

What kinds of narratives need these details?

All of them. Visual media, audio, written, stage play. Now, to what degree and excess you apply these details depends on your tone, intended audience, and writing style. If your style of writing is introspection heavy, noir character drama, you might go pretty heavy on the character design.

But even if you’re writing a kids book with a scant few paragraphs of setting descriptors and internal narration, or you’re drawing a comic book – if you have characters you want people to care about, do this.

Animators, particularly, are very adept at humanizing non-human characters, because, unlike live acting, every single stroke of the pen is there with intent. They use their own reflections for facial references, record their own movements to draw a dance, and insert little bits of themselves into signature character poses so you know that *that* animator did this one.

How to humanize your characters.

I’m going to break this down into a couple sections: Costume/wardrobe, personality, beliefs/behavior/superstitions, haptics/proxemics/kinesics, and voice. They will all overlap and the sheer variety and possibilities are way too broad for me to capture every facet.

Costumes and Wardrobe

In the film Fellowship of the Ring, there’s a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment where, after Boromir is slain by the Uruk-Hai, Aragorn takes Boromir’s Gondorian vambraces to wear in his honor, and in honor of their shared country. He wears them the rest of the trilogy. The editing pays no extra attention to them beyond a split second of Aragorn tightening the straps, it never lingers on them, never reminds you that they’re there, but they kept it in nonetheless. His actor also included a hunting bow that didn't exist in the book because he's a roamer, a ranger, and needs to be able to feed himself, along with a couple other survival tools.

Aragorn wears plenty of other symbolic bits of costume – the light of the Evenstar we see constantly from Arwen, the Lothlorien green cloaks shared by the entire Fellowship, his re-forged sword and eventual full Gondorian regalia, but all those are Epic Movie Moments that serve a thematic purpose.

Taking the vambraces is just a small, otherwise insignificant character moment, a choice made for no other reason than that’s what this character would do. That’s what makes him human, not an archetype.

When you’re writing these details and can’t rely on sneaking them into films, you have to work a little harder to remind your audience that they exist, but not too often. A detail shifts from “human” to “plot point” when it starts to serve a purpose to the themes and story.

Inconsequentiality might be how a character ties, or doesn’t tie their shoelaces, because they just can’t be bothered so they remain permanent knots and tripping hazards. It might be a throw-away line about how they refuse to wear shorts and strictly stick to long pants because they don’t like showing off their legs. It might be perpetually greasy hair from constantly running their fingers through it with stress, or self-soothing. A necklace they fidget with, or a ring, a belt they never bother to replace even though they should, a pair of lucky socks.

Resist the urge to make it more meaningful than “this is just how they are”. If I’m using the untied shoelaces example – in Spiderverse, this became a part of the story’s themes, motifs, and foreshadowing, and doesn’t count. Which isn’t bad! It’s just not what I’m talking about.

Personality

In How to Train Your Dragon, Toothless does not speak. All his personality comes from how he moves, the noises he makes, and the expressions on his face. There’s moments, like in the finale, when his prosthetic has burned off and Hiccup tells him to hold on for a little bit longer, and you can clearly see on his face that he’s deeply uncertain about his ability to do so. It’s almost off the screen, another blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment. Or the beat of hesitation before he lets Hiccup touch him in the Forbidden Friendship scene. Or the irritated noise he makes when he’s impatiently waiting for Hiccup to stop chatting with his dad because they have a giant dragon to murder. Or when he slaps Hiccup with his ear fin for flying them into a rock spire.

None of those details *needed* to exist to endear you to his character or to serve the scenes they’re in. The scenes would carry on just fine without them. He’s a fictional dragon, yes, but these details make him real.

Other personality tics you could include might be a character who gets frustrated with tedious things very quickly and starts making little inteligible curses under their breath. Or how they giggle when they’re excited and start bouncing on their toes. Maybe they have a tic where they snap their fingers when they’re concentrating, trying to will an idea into existence. Or they stick their tongue out while they work and get embarrassed when another character calls them on it. They roll around in their sleep, steal blankets, drool, leave dishes in the sink or are neurotic with how things must be organized. They have one CD in their car, and actually use that CD player instead of the phone jack or Bluetooth. They sing in the shower, while they cook, or while they do homework, no matter how grating their voice.

They like the smell of new shoes or Sharpies. They hate the texture of suede or velvet or sticky residues. They never pick their socks up. They hate the overhead light in their room and use 50 lamps instead. They hate turning into oncoming traffic or don’t trust their backup camera. They collect Funko Pops and insist there’s always room for more.

And about a million others.

Beliefs, Behaviors, and Superstitions

*If you happen to be writing a story where superstitions have merit, maybe skip this one.* Usually, inevitably, these evolve into character centerpieces and I can’t actually think of one off the top of my head that doesn’t become this beyond the ones we all know. A few comedic examples do come to mind:

The Magic Conch in “Club Spongebob” and the sea-bear-proof dirt circle in “The Camping Episode”

Dean Winchester’s fear and panic-driven actions in “Yellow Fever” and “Sam, Interrupted”

The references to the trolls that steal left-foot socks in How to Train Your Dragon

I’m not a fan of wasting time writing a religious character doing their religious thing when Plot Is Happening, but smaller things are what I’m talking about. Like them wearing a cross/rosary and touching it when they’re nervous. Having a specific off-beat prayer, saying, or expression because they don’t believe in cursing.

The classic ones like black cats, ladders, broken mirrors, salt, sidewalk cracks can all be funny. Athletes have plenty, too, and some of them, particularly in baseball culture, are a bit ridiculous. Not washing socks or uniforms, having a team idol they donate Double Bubble to and also rub their toes. A specific workout routine, diet, team morale dance.

Other things, too. A character who’s afraid to go back downstairs once the lights are off, or fear the basement or the backyard shed. Or they’re really put-off by this old family photo for no reason other than how glassy their eyes look and it’s creepy. They like crystals, dreamcatchers, star signs, tarot, or they absolutely do not under any circumstances.

They believe in all the tried and true ways of predicting the weather like a grizzled old sailor. They believe in ghosts, vampires, werewolves, witches, skinwalkers, doppelgangers, fairies. They talk to the cat statue in their kitchen and named it Fudge Pop. They whisper to the spirit that possessed the fridge so it stops making all that racket, and half the time, it works every time. They wear yellow for good luck or carry a rabbit’s foot. They’re not religious at all but still throw prayers out to whoever’s listening because, you know, just in case. They sit by their window sill and talk to the moon and the stars and pretend like they’re in a music video when they’re driving through the city in the rain.

Haptics, Proxemics, and Kinesics

These are, for all you non-communication and psych majors out there, touch and physical contact, how they move, and how they move around other people.

Behold, your shipping fodder.

Two shining examples of proxemics in action are the famous “close talker” episode of Seinfeld (of which every communication major has been subjected to) and Castiel’s not understanding of personal space (and human chronemic habits) in Supernatural.

These are how a character walks, if they’re flat-footed, clumsy, or tip-toers. If they make a racket or constantly spook the other characters. If they fidget or can’t sit still in a seat for five seconds, if they like to sit backwards or upside down. How they touch themselves, if they do a lot of self-soothing maneuvers (hugging themselves, rubbing their arms, touching their face, drawing their knees up, holding their neck, etc) or if they don’t do any self-soothing at all.

This is how they shake hands, if they dance while they cook or work. It’s how much space they let themselves take up, if they man-spread or keep their limbs in closer. How close they stand to others or how far. If they let themselves be touched at all, or if they always have their skin covered. If they always have their back to a wall,  or are always making sure they know where the nearest exit is. If they make grand gestures when they talk and give directions. If they flinch from pats on the back or raised hands. If they lean away from loud voices or project their own. If they use their height to their advantage when arguing, puff their chest, square their shoulders, put their hands on their hips, or point fingers in accusation.

If they touch other characters as they pass by. If they’re huggers or victims of falling asleep on or near their comrades. If they must sleep facing the door, or with something solid behind them. If they can sleep in the middle of a party wholly uncaring. If they sleepwalk, sleeptalk, migrate across the bed to cuddle whoever’s nearest with no idea they’re doing it.

If they like to be held or like to hold others. If they hate being picked up and slung around or are touch-starved for it. If they like their space and stick to it or are more than happy to share.

Do they walk with grace, head held high and back straight? Or are they hunched over, head hung, watching their feet? Are they meanderers or speed-walkers? Do they cross their arms in front or lace their hands behind them? Do they bow to authority or meet that gaze head on?

I have heard that Prince Zuko, in Last Airbender, is usually drawn sleeping with his bad ear down when he doesn’t feel safe, like on his warship or anywhere in the Fire Nation, or on the road. He’s drawn on his other side once he joins the Gaang. In Dead Man’s Chest, just before Davy Jones drives the Flying Dutchman under the waves, two tentacles curl up and around the brim of his hat to keep it from blowing off in the water.

When they fight, do they attack first, or defend first? Do they touch other characters’ hair? Share makeup, share clothes? Touch their faces with boops or bonks or nuzzles and eskimo kisses? Do they crack their knuckles and necks and knees?

Do they stare in baffled curiosity at all the other characters wholly comfortable in each other's spaces because they can’t, won’t, or don’t see the point in all this nonsense? Do they say they’re happy on the outside, but are betrayed by their body language?

Voice

Whether or not to write an accent is entirely up to you. Books like Their Eyes Were Watching God writes dialogue in a vernacular specific to its characters. Westerners and southerners tend to be written with the southern drawl or dialect, ripe with stereotypical contractions. Be advised, however, that in attempt to write an accent to give your character depth, you could be instead turning off your audience who doesn’t have energy to decipher what they’re saying, or you went and wrote a racist stereotype.

Voice isn’t just accent and dialect, nor is it how it sounds, which falls more solidly under useful character descriptions. Voice for the sake of humanizing your characters concerns how they talk, how they convey their thoughts, and how they become distinct from other characters in dialogue and narration.

If you’re writing a narrative that hops heads and don’t want to include a big banner to indicate who’s talking at any given time, this is where voice matters. It is, I think, the least appreciated of all the possible traits to pay attention to.

First person narrators have the most flexibility here because the audience is zero degrees removed from their first-hand experiences. Their personality comes through sharply in how they describe things and what they pay attention to.

But it’s also in what similes and metaphors they use. I read a book that had an average (allegedly straight) male narrator going off and describing colors with types of flowers, some I had to look up because I just don’t know those off the top of my head. My immediate thought was either this character is a poorly written gay, or he’s a florist. Neither (allegedly), the writer was just being too specific.

Do they have crutch words they use? like, um, actually, so…, uh

Or repeat exclamations specific to them? yikes, yowzers, jeepers, jinkies, zoinks, balls, beans, d’oh!

Or idioms they’re fond of? Like a bat out of hell. Snowball’s chance.

Do they stutter when they’re nervous? Do they lose their train of thought and bounce around, losing other characters in the process? Do they have a non-Christian god they pray to and say something other than “thank God”? Are they from another country, culture, time period, realm, or planet with their own gods, beliefs, and idioms?

When they describe settings, how flowery is the language? Would this grizzled war hero use flowery language? How would he or she describe the color pink, versus a PTA mom? Do they use only a generic “blue, green, red” or do they really pay attention with “aquamarine, teal, emerald, viridian, vermillion, rose, ruby”?

How do this character’s hobbies affect how well they can describe dance moves, painting styles, car models, music genres?

This mostly matters when you’re head-hopping and the voice of the narrator serves to be more distinct, otherwise, what’s the point of head-hopping? Just use third-person omniscient.

If you really want to go wild, give a specific narrator unique syntax. Maybe one character is the ghost of Oscar Wild with never-ending run-on sentences. Just be sure to not go too overboard and compromise the integrity of your story.

In the book A Lesson Before Dying, a somewhat illiterate, underprivileged and undereducated minor has been given a mentor, a teacher, before they face the death penalty. At the end of the book, you read all of the letters they wrote to their teacher. There’s misspellings everywhere, almost no punctuation, and long, rambling sentences.

It’s heartbreaking. The subject matter is heavy and horrible, yes, but it’s the choice to write with such poor English that has a much bigger impact than perfect MLA format.

How to implement these details

Most of these, in the written medium, need only show up once or twice before your audience notices and wonders why they’re there. Most fall squarely under character design, which falls under exposition, and should follow all the exposition guidelines.

These details exist to be random and fluffy, but they can’t exist randomly within the narrative. If you want to have your character be superstitious, pick a relevant time to include that superstition.

Others, like ongoing speech habits or movements, still don’t overuse, especially if they’re unique. A character might like to sit backwards in a chair, but if you mention that they’re doing it every single time they sit down, your audience will wonder what’s so important and if the character is unwell.

And, of course, you can let these traits become thematically important, like a superstition being central to their personality or backstory or motivation. These all serve the same purpose of making your character feel like a real person instead of just a “character”.

Just think about tossing in a few random details every now and then and see what happens. One tiny sentence can take a background character and make them candidates for the eventual fandom’s fan favorite. Details like these turn your work from “This a story, and these are the characters who tell it” into “these are my characters, and this is their story.”

[wihellib]

12 Wants For WHB

Disclaimer: This is completely my opinion and you are free to disagree. I am also not a game dev, so I do not know how easy or difficult these things would be to implement in game. Though, I have played a lot of gacha games, and many of the things I want do feature in other games, so I don’t think anything I say here is too unrealistic.

With that out of the way, here are some things that I want added or changed in WHB in no particular order. This is not an exhaustive list, but still ended up being way longer than I initially thought it would be.

Will edit parts as green if they are added into the game at some point.

Text Messages

I would like the bug that makes chats disappear to be fixed.

Chat replayability. You can already replay L Card chats, so I don’t think it would be too hard to implement that for regular chats.

Change chat time gate so that it works when the app is closed. Currently, you can only get a new text message after you spend 30 minutes in the app. I find this very annoying. I’m fine with waiting 30 minutes but I want to be able to close the app in the meantime. So, my idea is, once you log in for the day, the countdown starts even if you close the app, then once you open the app after 30 min you can read the chat, then the next countdown starts and so on and so forth.

Voice Calls

We don’t have these currently in the game, but I think any gacha game with a phone feature should have them included. This could implemented in a few ways. They could tie them to L Cards. Or it could be we get a new call like once a month or something. Then, maybe, some calls for special occasions like your birthday, his birthday, the launch anniversary, etc.

Home Page

It would be nice if we could change the expression on the demon’s face that we put on the home page. We can unlock expressions as we increase likability for the demons, so I’d like to be able to see those expressions on the home page.

They said at one point they’ll allow us to change the Satan icon on the Secret Club to different demons, which will be nice and I hope they implement that soon.

Artifacts

Better organization. I want to be able to organize by the same artifact, so I can easily see how many I have of each specific artifact.

Increased storage. Let us store more than 200 artifacts. I like to have lots of artifacts for fodder for other artifacts.

Weekly achievement. I think the achievement of raising artifacts by 20 levels each week is excessive. I keep having to raise artifacts that I’ll never use just to complete this achievement and it’s wasteful. Either reduce the number of levels needed or get rid of the achievement and replace it by an achievement for playing panty party or something like that.

Gacha

They recently changed it so you have a slightly increased rate for the demon that you pick on the gacha screen. This is nice, but I would prefer it if the increased rate was like 5% because the current 1% really is a negligible difference.

I would like banners of general pool L cards that use red keys, not solomon seals. Maybe they last a week twice a month or something like that. For example, Attacker Levi could be featured at the start of the month. That card and his artifact are the only L items that can be pulled from that banner. Using red keys, after 110 total pulls, you are guaranteed his artifact and, after 220 total pulls, you are guaranteed his card. This banner lasts a week. Then there is no banner for a week. Then, for example, Attacker Beel has a banner the third week. Then no banner, etc. I would also like the pity to carry over between these theoretical red key banners.

Currently, we can skip the entire gacha animation and pulled character showcase, if we didn’t pull an S rank or above. I want to be able skip it no matter what, unless I pull an L character.

Currently, the gacha animation flashes gold when you get an L Card or L artifact. I would prefer for the L artifact to flash a different colour, like pink for example. I’ve gotten my hopes up too many times seeing gold, thinking I got an L card, and then being disappointed as I instead got Satan’s hair for the 20th time.

Action Power

I would like to be able to come back at certain times of the day, for example, 12pm and 6pm, and get like 50 AP each time. This is a feature in many other gacha games.

I would also like the ability to watch ads for more AP. I know some people are against this type of thing, but I really don’t mind it as long as it’s not mandatory and is non-intrusive.

Translation

The translation is very poor compared to most other gacha games. There’s odd English syntax, a lot of typos, and seemingly missing words. I don’t even know what the characters are trying to convey at times and it really takes me out of the story. So I want them to hire some good English translators. If I could only get one thing on this list implemented into the game, it would be this.

Also I want them to do better about making sure to use the correct pronouns for the MC.

Panty Party

I feel like this feature could be improved a lot. Bring back gold panties in every level. Remove gold from the item list. Gold panties can give you advanced candy choice chest, whole pie choice chest, red keys, or solomon seals. Normal panties can give you beginners / intermediate candy choice chest, slice pie choice chest, pretzels, and gold keys. Also if you fail a level, you can choose to watch an ad to continue from that level if you want.

Events

I’m glad that they added quick plays to events.

The event tab needs to be separated from all other tabs, to always be easily able to select it. It was cumbersome when the Leraye event tab was combined with the limited achievement tab, lucifer gacha tab, and event replay tab. It would constantly switch between each tab, and you’d have to take extra time to switch back to the event tab.

For event replays, currently they cost a small amount to buy to replay. But as more and more events are added, that will be unsustainable. I think if you play an event, then for a certain amount of event currency you can purchase an event replay ticket to be redeemed later. If you didn’t play the event, then there can be other ways to get event replay tickets.

They should allow us to access the event shop for a couple days after the event ends. Just so we can focus on the event and then spend all the currency we earned after it ends.

I do think it is a good idea to use events to flesh out the universe and tell important stories pre-MC to not bog down the main story. However, I would like it if some of the events were MC focused. I would love to know more about how we’re adapting to Hell and interacting with others when we’re not being constantly forced to keep moving forward by the main story.

Pies

We need to have a way to farm pie slices and whole pies. I’m surprised the game has been out this long and they still haven’t introduced a way for us to get them more easily.

The amount of pie slices we need to increase a characters skills from level 4 to level 5 is 60, which is beyond excessive. I also don’t get why the jump between the amount of pies needed is so large. Going from needing 0 pies at level 4 to 60 pies at level 5 is odd game design. So, I think it should be reduced to 30 pies slices at most. For level 8, it should be 60 whole pies at most, not 160.

Characters

Another odd game choice is that the S characters need the exact same amount of materials to level up as the L characters. This doesn’t make sense as the S characters are generally less valuable gameplay-wise than the L ones. So why would I waste my precious resources on them, when for the same amount I could raise a much better L unit. Having S characters cost less than the L ones gives incentive to level them up.

This one is the least likely to ever happen, but I’d like for the A+ characters to have likeability rewards. It’s really nice being able to hear voice lines, change the expressions, and get some info on the S/L characters. I’d like to be able to do that for the A+ characters. Yes, it has been confirmed that A+ characters can get L versions, so then they would have expressions/voice lines available in that case. However, there’s no guarantee every single A+ rank will get an L version, and even if they did that could be years in the future. So I would like A+ characters to have a likeability section, but, to balance it out, the item rewards you get from them could be half of the S/L characters. For example, instead of 50 gold keys for a node, you get 25.

Miscellaneous

When they conduct maintenance, I’d like for them to give us more than just some AP. As an example, if they did maintenance for 2 hours, they should compensate us with 2 red keys, or 20 solomon seals.

I’d like to be able to quick play battles in the story chapters. If not unlimited, then at least 5 quick plays a day.

There’s a bug that places me at the beginning of a story chapter instead of where I should be at the end (the node to farm the candy chests). Then I have to scroll all the way to the end which actually takes quite a bit of time. I don’t know if this is affecting anyone else but it is affecting me and it’s annoying so I want it fixed.

When promoting a character or levelling up their skills above level 4 or completing a node on the unholy board that requires Solomons tears, pies or candies, I would like a window that pops up that asks if we’re sure that we want to consume those materials. I misclicked a few times, and that is a lot of resources to waste by accident. So I would like a pop up window to help prevent this.

With all that said, I truly like the premise of this game, the character designs, the VA performances, the art by Nori and the fact that this is an 18+ game aimed at men-loving people, which is a very rare thing. So I am glad it exists and hope that it succeeds. The wants I’ve listed here are just things that would increase my enjoyment even more.

[mingtinysworld]

Copycat

Pairing: Choi San x Jung Wooyoung

Genre: idol au, established relationship, smut

Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: While San is on a live with fans, he comes across fanfiction and wants to share it with his ever the obedient boyfriend Wooyoung.

Warnings: MDNI mxm, anal, fingering, degradation, nipple play, handjob, lil bit of spanking, San dom (he tries)

A/n - when I heard that San came across fanfiction, I lost it. And then I had this brilliant idea😃 so yeah I hope you enjoy. It’s also my first time writing mxm and it’s HARD (hehe) but yeah please like, comment, and reblog! Love youuuu - J<3

It had been a while since San had gone live. Atinys had been begging for a San live forever. He’d been so busy with all his schedules, he didn’t have any time.

Finally, after a tiring performance, he decided he could go live. He settled in bed, all cozy with his dark blue silk pajamas. Already having taken off his makeup, he opts for the voice only option. He figures that’s good enough, and presses start.

“Hi everyone! Sorry that it’s voice only today, I just took my makeup off! But I’m super excited to spend time with you today. Ask any questions you’d like!”

The chat rolled by quickly as usual, most comments being confessions of love that flatter yet overwhelm him. He continues talking about his long day and responding to random comments here and there. One comment catches his eyes and he scrolls back to find it.

“‘How many times do I search up my name?’ Hmm that’s a good question. I’d say not too much, just once in a while. You know what, I should search up my name now, why not.”

They can hear San’s speedy typing, and wait with anticipation. San lets out a little ‘aha’ and starts listing off things relating to his name. “Alright let’s see. San mama, San bouncy, San crazy form, San fanfiction, San…wait what?” He takes a few seconds to read. “What does that mean?”

The chat goes ballistic. The comments go by at the speed of lightning, begging San to ignore it. San gets flustered at all the comments. “What do you mean don’t search it? Why not? Is it a bad thing?”

Curiosity gets the best of San and he types in “San fanfiction”. The chat is still screaming at him to stop. He clicks on the first link, directing him to a website. As he scrolls, a title catches his eye.

“Woosan fight club.”

That intrigues him, and he starts reading. The fans hear silence on his end, and continue freaking out. As San goes past the first paragraph, he can feel an erection forming and tries so hard to keep it together. Realizing he needs to get back to the live, he clears his throat, trying hard to sound normal.

“Ahhh so that’s what it is,” he says quietly. “You guys sure know how to have fun.” He forces out a chuckle. Desperately needing to leave, he sticks around for a bit more in order to not seem suspicious.

Finally after the most torturous ten minutes, he says goodnight to Atinys and ends the live. Letting out a groan of frustration, he palms himself through his pants, needing friction. As his hips raise to meet his hand, he realizes he needs more. He stands up from his bed abruptly, leaving the dorm. Not even bothering to throw on a shirt, he runs down the stairs in a rush.

Coming up to the door, he knocks urgently, disregarding the neighbors. The door opens and there stands a disheveled looking Wooyoung.

“S-san? What are you doing here?” He asks in a confused tone. He glances at the clock. “It’s 12:30.” San pushes past him into the living room. Looking around for traces of Hongjoong or Jongho, he turns back to Wooyoung.

“Where are the others?” He asks him. Wooyoung still looking confused answers. “They’re both asleep, but San I still don’t understand why-”

Wooyoung’s words are cut off as San smashes his lips against his, Wooyoung stumbling backwards. He lets out muffled gasps, while San sinks his teeth into his lower lip. In between loud smacks, Wooyoung manages to get out a few words.

“San what the hell are you doing?” Even through the confusion, he kisses San like his life depends on it. He only gets shushed in return, getting no answer, but that doesn’t matter too much when he’s being devoured by the love of his life. San starts to lead Wooyoung towards his room, not once letting go.

“I have something to show you,” San says breathlessly. He pulls out his phone from his pocket and scrolls through dozens of Ateez fan fiction.

“Choose from any of these and I will do whatever it says in it.” San can’t even contain his excitement.

Wooyoung starts protesting. “What in the…” he trails off as he sees the content. He swallows tightly and turns to look at San who is in the process of taking his pants off.

“Oh god, ok ok, I’ll choose this one.” He stops on a Woosan one, how ironic.

San lets out a wicked grin. “Alright baby, your wish is my command.” He pushes Wooyoung down once again, with more intensity. Trailing his mouth up his collarbones, leaving sloppy, wet kisses upon his exposed skin. As he nears his ear, he lets out a sensual whisper.

“One condition though. You read to me what’s happening and I’ll do it.”

Wooyoung tries not to show his eagerness but fails, letting out an excited giggle. It’s pretty much a dream come true for the pervert that he is.

San assists Wooyoung in taking off his pants, moving on to his shirt next. He hands him the phone with the filthy smut, clammy hands reaching out in a grabbing motion.

He gives San a cheeky grin while shuffling his hips closer to the edge of the bed. San groans at the feel of their skin on each other. “Ok baby, get to reading now.”

A throaty moan leaves Wooyoung‘s mouth as San grabs the base of his cock. His body convulses from the sudden attack, and he drops the phone onto his stomach. San continues sliding his hand up and down his shaft, stimulating Wooyoung in a way that has him thrashing around.

Pressing his thumb onto the slit, Wooyoung tenses and lets out a whine.

“What did I say about reading? Get to it.”

Wooyoung shivers at San’s commanding tone. He tries to get it together and firmly grasps the phone in his hands.

“San ran his hands all over Wooyoung’s torso, brushing past his sensitive nipples, sending a shiver through his lithe body.”

And San does just that. He splays out a hand on his chest, running his nails up and down. He pinches his nipple, having no mercy whatsoever. Pinching, twisting, pulling. He was simultaneously still pumping his leaking, desperate cock.

Wooyoung feels like he’s going insane, he needs a release. Yelping out slightly, he holds onto San’s hand.

“San, oh my god please I can’t-” San speeds up his actions, shoving two fingers into Wooyoung’s mouth to shut him up.

Wooyoung comes with a muffled moan, hips bucking up, searching for more friction and also stinging from overstimulation.

Even though San is feeling devilish, he still has enough mercy to let Wooyoung relax from his intense orgasm.

His chest is heaving up and down, eyes closed and hand gripping the sheets. After a few more deep breaths, Wooyoung comes to a realization that he only got one sentence out of the fanfiction. Fearfully, he peeks out at San, expecting an angry face ready to punish him. However, a soft smile graces his face.

“Baby, I know I wanted you to read the story, but I can’t handle your attention not being fully on me.”

Wooyoung lets out a breathy laugh at that. Oh San. He’s always trying to pretend that he’s so in charge, but he can’t help being needy and selfishly wanting attention.

He throws the phone away gladly, and pushes San down against him in a passionate kiss. Wooyoung attacks with his tongue, fighting for dominance. San is however having none of that.

He flips up Wooyoung onto his knees, and pushes his head into the pillow.

“Do not move,” San growls out.

Sliding off the bed, he reaches for the lube in their nightstand. Twisting it open, he lets a glob fall from onto Wooyoung’s awaiting hole. As the cold liquid drips down, he clenches around nothing. Smearing it around, he shoves in a finger with no warning.

Wooyoung lets out the most pathetic whine known to mankind, moving his hips side to side. San smacks his hand down onto his ass, leaving a faint red hand mark.

“Maybe if I fuck you open with my fingers you’ll learn how to shut up huh? What do you think?”

He adds a second finger, having no pity. To his delight, Wooyoung is too out of it to get out any words. All he can hear is muffled moans and sobs.

He decides he’s opened up enough and pulls his fingers out with a pop. Wooyoung’s greedy hole twitches, missing being full.

San pumps his own cock a few times, getting himself ready to fuck the life out of his boyfriend. He lines himself up and slowly pushes in. Of course he loves being mean, but he doesn’t want to genuinely hurt Wooyoung. As soon as Wooyoung is filled to the brim, San starts thrusting shallowly.

With each thrust, Wooyoung’s face gets squished into the pillow more and more. He lets out a scream.

“San!!”

“Oh now the dirty whore found his words. You’re enjoying this a bit too much aren’t you.”

He lets down a few more smacks, resulting in Wooyoung moaning loudly, almost howling.

San keeps pounding into Wooyoung, gripping his skin so tightly that it leaves crescent nail marks. He grits his teeth, putting everything he’s got into this. The sound of the headboard banging against the wall completely escapes him, not even caring about the neighbors at the moment. He’ll deal with it later.

“Fuck fuck fuck San.” Wooyoung just babbles absently, so fucked out he can’t think of anything else to say.

As San’s hips drill into Wooyoung harder, he nears his climax. Wanting to make Wooyoung come again, he reaches around him, gripping his leaking cock. Wooyoung cries out at the extra stimulation and his knees almost give out.

San thrusts for a few more seconds, and he comes with a loud groan, right into Wooyoung’s ass. As he pulls out, his cum drips out, leaving a trail of the dirty deed.

Wooyoung collapses onto the bed, without having San holding him up. He feels like he could just fall asleep he’s so tired. He feels San leave the bed and he lets out a low whine at his absence.

San comes back with a warm, wet towel. Gently cleaning up Wooyoung, he leaves soft, fluttery kisses along his back. Wooyoung lets out steady breaths, finally being able to relax from the torture (fun).

San climbs into bed with him, cuddling him close. Wooyoung reaches out a hand to caress San’s soft face.

“I love you so much San.” He whispers. San closes his eyes and gives him a peck on his hand.

“I love you even more baby.”

As they both settle down to sleep, he hears a vibration on the nightstand. He turns to grab his phone, and sees a message from Hongjoong.

“Why don’t you be a little louder you bastards. Fuck you, I want to sleep”

San stifles his laughter and turns back around with no guilt whatsoever.

[teaandspite]

The Great Goodreads Diss List (Part 3)

[Part 1] [Part 2]

This is the last of the list, at least at present. I'm not quite sure when I started saving these, but it's been somewhere around 6 years!

"I think we should thank this book for finding us a new source of renewable energy: Jane Austen's corpse spinning in its grave."

"DNF @ 30% and I'm embarrassed to have made it that far."

"was written solely because the author received a thesaurus for her birthday."

"This book was so horrible that my friends and I started a Terrible Book Club where we passed around a copy in which we wrote snarky comments in the margins."

"If I wanted to hear endlessly repetitive justifications of bad decisions, I would go reread my journals from 2003"

"I can’t believe I’m expected to care about these two people who have the collective personality of a chair"

'This is one of those books that makes me feel that, even though I had heterosexual parents and a heterosexual family and grew up in a heterosexual world, I will never understand heterosexuals.'

"isn't so much a cliche storm as it is a cliche monsoon, a tsunami of platitudes, a tornado of concepts that have been Done Before."

"someone PLEASE give [author] a bag of commas (or at least give them to his editor)"

"I am reading this For Science."

"This book could be the perfect door stop, but the cat sprayed it."

"This book is fine for people who enjoy chewing sawdust."

"[Title] was my first husband's favorite book, and he used to quote from it all the time. When we got divorced (it wasn't amicable), my lawyer asked how I'd feel about using that fact in court."

"If the main character were an instrument, she'd be a cowbell."

"There's a metaphor that has been beaten to death and will never bother anyone again."

"The characters [...] were flatter than frogs hit by all eighteen wheels of a semi. Even the dogs were underdeveloped."

"It's the OJ Simpson trial! But with an extraterrestrial! This will never get dated!"

"about as exciting as an uncooked Brussel sprout"

[Author is] "Someone you'd sit behind in a 100 level philosophy class and maybe secretly want to choke a little."

"I read this book while locked in a psych ward against my will. I would have rather stared at the wall for five days instead of reading this."

"[...] a metaphor so blunt I am surprised it did not injure me"

"It takes a certain and rare kind of writer to make a story about civil war, genocide, and a refugee crisis boring and unreadable."

"Use this book to stuff an old mattress."

"I cannot honestly say that [book] is the worst novel ever written, but I grant [author] the benefit of this doubt solely because I have not read every novel ever written. (In private, however, I maintain my suspicions.)"

"disintegrated in my hands, which felt like a blessing."

[dual1pa]

first date with eddie (headcannons)

warnings: overall fluff, makeout, touching, language

eddie munson x reader using she/her pronouns

Eddie was scared shitless to ask her out 

And when he finally grew the balls to ask her, he was quite shocked that she said yes 

They’ve been friends forever 

It started out as a harmless and romanticless relationship

They both considered themselves just best friends

Nothing more and nothing less

Eddie’s feelings for her didn’t bloom until the beginning of high school 

However, it wasn’t until their senior year (his 2nd senior year) that he started seeing her as a girlfriend 

Little did he know she felt the same 

She tried to show flirty signs for years, but he didn’t notice

The playful shoves or the arm in arm walks 

She joined his Hellfire Club at school - even though she had no idea how to play the game 

She just enjoyed watching Eddie have fun 

He even made her a one-of-a-kind shirt where the little devil had a pair of sunglasses on it 

Ones similar to the ones she wore on a daily basis 

That’s when her love for him grew fonder

One Friday, Eddie was going to ask her out while she was switching her morning textbooks for the afternoon 

He watched from afar as she walked up to her locker, put in her code, and start unloading her bag 

She was wearing a pair of denim jeans, oversized sweater, and her hair tied loosely in a pink scrunchie 

He walked up to her with a smile

“Hi, Eds,” she smiled

She was the only person that could call him that 

“Hey,” he said 

She had a concerned look on her face 

“Everything okay?” she asked

“Oh yeah, everything’s great. How was your classes?” he tucked a piece of hair behind his ear

“They were alright, happy that it’s the weekend.” 

“Hey, listen, Uh-” 

He kept pausing and rubbing the back of his neck

He was nervous as fuck

“There’s a new Friday the 13th movie out tonight, wanna go see it with me? Like, a date?” 

She blushed, no one asked her out in a while - not anyone she felt something for

“Of course I’ll go out with you, Eds.” 

His eyes lit up, all he wanted to do was cheer loudly and dance around the busy hallway 

“Great! Uh- awesome. I’ll pick you up at 7:30,” he smiled and walked her to her next class, not caring if he was late to his own. 

While she sat in class, she couldn’t concentrate on algebra

The only thing on her mind was Eddie

The more she thought about him, the more she wanted him

She cursed at herself why she didn’t make a better move earlier 

She couldn’t wait till their date

When he got home from school, he stood in front of his closet trying to figure out what he should wear - she was doing the absolute same

He decided on black jeans, white shirt and her a white skirt, pink shirt and a sweater

She was waiting on her deck when he pulled up her driveway in his white van

He, of course, had his favorite Metallica song blaring from the speaker - making her giggle 

“You look beautiful,” he said

“And you as well” 

The two sat in silence - awkward silence - as he drove to the Starcourt Mall 

Noramlly, the mall isn’t Eddie’s scene 

Too many people, stores that aren’t his type, music he doesn’t like plays throughout the mall 

“I can’t get away from this shit pop music!” he would say she “forced” him to help her find a homecoming dress 

He secretly loved it 

He winced at he saw the parking lot as he pulled in

“We don’t have to be here, I’m okay just-” 

“No,” he interrupted, “I want to take you to see this movie.” 

She smiled and grabbed his hand that was placed on his shaking leg. 

As they walked towards the large building, she grabbed his hand 

This was a date afterall 

He held the door open for her and motioned for her to go in first 

“A true gentleman.” she said

He smiled wide and threw his arm over her shoulder, and hers around his waist 

He paid for both tickets 

He found you a seat in the corner as it was a fully sold-out theater 

He felt so protective of her when she got scared from one of the scenes 

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close

“I really wanna kiss you right now,” he whispered in her ear

She blushed, “There’s someone right next to us, behind us, and in front of us!” 

“Fuck ‘em,” he said, grabbing her chin and planting on right on her 

Of course, once they started, they couldn’t stop. 

They got a few looks and a couple of rude grunts from people who were simply trying to enjoy the slasher film. 

“Why don’t we get outta here?” 

Eddie grabbed her hand and they ran out of the theater, out of the mall, and into the dark parking lot. 

It was late and most shoppers went home except for the movie goers - who were all inside

They were alone 

He pushed her up against his van and continued what he was doing in the theater 

Except he was way more handsy 

Her hands were everywhere

His hair 

His hips 

His neck

His face

His chest 

Everywhere

“Should have done this sooner,” he laughed in her mouth 

“We didn’t know and we were both too chicken shit to do anything about it,” she joked, “Take me home, Eds. Stay with me tonight.”

[sleepynoons]

akaashi x gn!reader, sfw

cw: mentions of skin picking (akaashi picks at his fingers)

notes: sorry for being afk lol was moving back into college, and now that i have settled back in, here's my obligatory, written-in-30-minutes college!au akaashi bc he is The College Au. happy that i'm beginning to write for hq characters bc they all mean so much to me. also requests/suggestions are closing this weekend, so pls drop by my ask box by then if you want smth!! feel free to drop by for no good reason, too!

THE TWO of you don’t even have to say anything. one glance at each other, and you both shut your eyes and exhale deeply. 

to be fair, neither of you are surprised either. the two other students in your project group are notorious for skipping classes and buying homework answers off of other students. it should have been a given they wouldn’t help out on this presentation either.

the grandfather clock against the adjacent wall is an old thing, really – wood faded and paint chipped off –, yet the ticks of its hands click crisply in contrast to the soft sounds of laminated textbook pages flipping and footsteps rubbing against carpet. just like an old grandparent would, every tick of the clock is a nagging reminder directed at you and akaashi: “that’s one less minute you have to work on that project! oh, and another! are the two of you ever going to get started?”

you pull out your chair and sit next to akaashi, who looks more exhausted than he usually does. there are dark, dark shadows under his eyes, and there are swollen cuts around his cuticles from where he tugs on petty, persistent hangnails.

you shove a hand into the back pocket of your pants. i thought i had one on me, you think, pouting slightly as you continue to feel through crushed receipts, loose threads, and whatever other junk you crammed in back there. finally, you feel the familiar papery texture. there it is!

“akaashi, here.” you slide it over to him, and he glances at it before focusing back onto his laptop screen. it’s almost like he doesn’t recognize the object as he says nothing for a few moments, but then, he looks back and purses his lips, his best attempt at a grateful smile in his current state.

“thanks for the bandaid,” he mutters as he begins to open up the packaging.

you shrug your shoulders and furrow your brows. “i should’ve brought more,” you say. “that’s on me.”

he shakes his head as he wraps the bandaid around the knuckle of his thumb – the most tortured of all his fingers. “don’t apologize. i should be the one taking care of myself anyway.”

“i doubt a single college student can take care of themself, let alone a project meant for four people,” you groan. 

“they don’t count as people,” he deadpans.

you choke a laugh. “akaashi, don’t be mean.”

“i’m only stating a fact.”

at this point, akaashi has already returned to working, typing away and switching tabs every so often. you, too, grab your things to contribute.

the project is more tedious than anything, and luckily, the two of you had completed your respective one-fourths of the work ahead of time. however, the two of you were hoping – naïvely, might you add – that your other teammates would pull through, so you had procrastinated on finishing their parts until the day before the deadline.

and things continued downhill from there. you and akaashi were supposed to meet in the morning to dedicate the whole day to completing and revising the presentation. however, his research advisor emailed him last-minute to help with some urgent manuscripts, so the two of you delayed until 4pm. but then you got roped into a club event, which included dinner and a drinking afterparty, and not wanting to cause a ruckus with your seniors, you obliged. needless to say, it’s now 9pm and there is a whole half-empty presentation waiting to be filled.

at least the one thing that is working in your favor is your mechanical teamwork. you work on a section, akaashi on another, and when both of you are done, you switch to polish each other’s works. akaashi is also a fantastic writer and critic, so not only do you feel like you’re learning from his suggestions, you’re also not devastated in the process. even with potentially very shallow questions, he’s patient.

about an hour in, you mumble, “wait, i’m not sure if this makes sense.” you turn your computer towards him, and he leans forward, slightly in front of you, to see clearer.

from this proximity, you notice the way his nose twitches, along with the way his lips form a pout, as he readjusts the bridge of his glasses. you can also trace the curvature of his ears, following the round of the helix down to the lobe. and his eyebrows –

then again, these are things you’ve known for a while now. you’re just taking note of details you’ve already memorized. you’ve come to terms with your crush on akaashi since the second week of the fall term, truly having experienced love at first sight. but you’re too tired for a relationship, and if you’re exhausted, well, akaashi is probably having a worse time.

and by the looks of it, akaashi suddenly sniffles. you pull out a tissue immediately.

he chuckles as he takes it. “that pocket of yours is pretty handy.”

you frown. because you did miss a detail.

akaashi is flushed from his cheeks up to his temples and ears. and upon reflection, his voice sounded more gravelly, without its usual snark, when he was making the jab at your project mates earlier.

oh. 

“are you sick?” you ask.

the first time he doesn’t hear you, intently reading through your write-up. you ask again, this time also tapping his shoulder.

“sorry, what?” he mumbles.

“akaashi, i said, are you sick?”

a confused expression flashes across his face before ot returns to its typical unbothered look.

“don’t worry about it,” he grunts,

“you should get some rest,” you insist.

“and what about the project then?”

you really shouldn’t be doing this to yourself because it would mean pulling an all-nighter, but you also don’t want akaashi to work while he’s under the weather. “i’ll just do it myself. i’ll send you everything by the morning, so you can take a look over it when you wake up, and then we can submit it by class time, yeah?”

he gawks at you, terrified at your proposal. he shakes his head, adamant when he says, “there’s no way i could let you do that. you need to rest, too.”

“not as much as you,” you argue back. “if you’re not too sick, then you can sleep it off and wake up early to help. but right now, you need to go back to your dorm.”

he fights back, trying to convince you of otherwise, but you’ve already crossed your arms across your chest firmly and are staring at him with a quirked eyebrow, visibly unimpressed.

akaashi can only roll his eyes at your stubbornness.

as he packs his things, he looks over his shoulder at you and asks, “is there anything i can do to make it up to you?”

“akaashi, are you being serious? you don’t need to make up anything. just feel better for me, alright?”

now he’s looking at you like you’re a total idiot.

you just sigh.

“fine, just treat me to a meal or something, alright? now go.”

“i was going to take you out for dinner anyway, but fine. i’ll pay for lunch tomorrow.”

“yeah, sounds good. now go!”

akaashi leaves, and you return back to your work.

the hours fly by. other students begin to filter out, and by the time it’s past midnight, you’re only accompanied by a night-shift student librarian and the grandfather clock. you lean back into your chair, taking a quick breather.

you think back to your conversation with akaashi before he left. gotta finish the project before he wakes up, only six more slides to go, i wonder what we should have for lunch, he did say we’d get to eat together another time –

you jolt. sitting upright, your eyes widen slowly as you recount akaashi’s words. he said he would take me out anyway.

are you hallucinating? so delusional that you can’t tell between fantasy and reality? he said those exact words, right? did he mean it the way you think it means?

the clock chimes loudly as a new hour begins. you’re thrown back to work, but really, you don’t even know how you managed to finish the assignment because, the entire time, you kept thinking about akaashi and his intentions.

what does he mean?