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honeybeezgobzzzzz · 1 year ago

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𓅨 Sweet Nightmares: Chapter One

Sweet Nightmares: When not even Nightmare Dream can chase you off from visiting his realm whenever you wished, he decides to show his eldritch side. In other words: Dream doesn’t understand why you have such free rein within his realm and tries to scare you off. Jokes on him, you’re into it.

Warnings: Dream in Denial, Explicit Language, Reader Messes W/ Dream, I DON’T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS.

To Note: Eldritch!Dream x AFAB!Reader, Mostly Dream at his Wit’s End with Reader, Part of the ’Sweet Nightmares’ Event by @roguelov.

Word Count: ~7.2k

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You often wondered what it would be like to swim in the Ocean of Dreams. It often looked dark and uninviting, surely a representation of its true purpose… but that water also looked so beautiful to you. Things in The Dreaming weren’t what they seemed. Sometimes cold was hot, or sweet was spicy, an apple might taste like a peach, even a sunflower you had been happily looking at had turned into a rose. At times you thought the realm was purposefully fucking with you. No. It was fucking with you. So you liked to fuck with it back.

You were fairly sure that the realm adored it when you interacted with its jokes and mischievous nature.

“If you try swimming in the Ocean of Dreams, it’s just gonna spit you back out.” Imber, the dream of rain, spoke from where she sat next to you, basking in the low pressure of the air. It was going to rain soon. You gave her a pointed look, fingers picking at the edge of your shirt.

“You’re being negative, Im,” You stated, making up your mind and pulling your shirt over your head and dropping it to the towel you had been sitting on. Next you wiggled yourself out of the jeans the Dreaming gave you when you had appeared this night. “And I’m curious… like, what is it like?” You asked, tilting your head to the side. “Is it like swimming in a regular ocean? Is it salty? Cold? It kind of looks like it’d be freezing… Does it have the same buoyancy as the oceans in the Waking World? Can I drink from it? Are there fish? Like dream fish? That’d be really awesome if there were dream fish…”

“Please, for the love of the Endless realms, do not drink those waters,” Imber exclaimed, wondering what kind of unhinged mortal would wish to swim in those waters let alone drink the Ocean of Dreams! Apparently you. The dream watched as you deposited the rest of your clothes on your towel and trotted over to the dock extending over the darkened water of the Ocean of Dreams. Your toes gripped the edge of the dock, your eyes staring down into the black water. You saw your reflection, nothing else. The water was dark, black even. So mysterious. You wanted to know what lay beneath. Your reflection tilted its head to the side and smiled at you, then it held its hand out, beckoning for you to jump. “Really, you shouldn’t—”

You stepped off the dock.

Dropping into the water, you were surprised to find that it wasn’t cold at all, or in anyway unpleasant. The water felt like it was pillowing your body, gentle and caring. You kicked your way back to the surface and your head popped out of the water. The look on Imber’s face was priceless. It was like the realm had dropped out beneath her and the universe was ending. Then she was exploding on you.

“What do you think you are doing!?” She screeched, waving her hands and desperately wanting to drag you out, but knowing that she could not enter the water. “The Ocean of Dreams is dangerous!” You blinked at her from where you were treading water, not understanding why she was so upset. Literally nothing was happening to you. “Those waters kill!”

“You are being over dramatic,” You replied pleasantly, wishing you had tried this sooner. It really was quite nice. While Imber went off on a tangent about your apparent need to get out of the ocean, you felt something sliding around your ankle. Ignoring what was going on beneath the waves, you gave Imber a frank look. “Really, Im, I’m fi—” You were sharply pulled beneath the surface of the water by your ankle, only having a moment to take in a gasp of air.

Bubbles streamed around your body as you were tugged down for a few disorienting moments, your hands flailing as you righted yourself. Eyes opening, you found that the water didn’t sting. Nice. You looked around for what had pulled you down, and came face to face with a black form that looked remarkably like yourself. Whoa. The mirror of you smiled deviously, and offered her hand. Now, there was no way this truly was your own reflection/shadow, you knew enough about the Dreaming to know they didn’t exist… but what she was, was most likely the Ocean of Dreams herself. Because it was definitely a she. That excited you, so you reached out and took her hand.

You were pulled along and only moments later you were met with an explosion of colors and wonders that left you shocked. The Ocean of Dreams was truly beautiful. As you went, you could see flashes of dreams, some fairytales, other nightmares. All of which were pure unadulterated beautiful creations. Why was the Ocean of Dreams so forbidden?? This was a paradise to you! The Ocean of Dreams glanced back at you and you beamed at her, her echoing grin was but a mere flash before she was dragging you through a field of kelp at a faster pace.

There were these little flashes of light in front of you now, bursting like tiny canons explosions. You were ignorant to the slow build of uncomfortable pressure within your chest, your lungs straining for fresh oxygen. Deeper and deeper you were pulled, each new sight even more beautiful than the last. A medieval dream full of knights, a princess, and a dragon. Another a zombie apocalypse where the zombies were running from the humans. A child winning a Nobel peace prize for curing cancer…

Your grasp upon the Ocean of Dreams slipped, but the being continued to hold you, eager to show you everything. Your mind slipped into a state of in-between and you felt even more weightless than you had before. Soft songs echoed around you, slowly fading in a hush… unlike the peacefulness you had felt slipping under, coming back was rough and jarring.

Water surged up your throat and out of your mouth as you harshly coughed, suddenly finding your body nestled on the sand with a very worried Imber clutching your shivering and jerking body. Worse? Morpheus was on one knee next to you, his eyes blazing mercury while he glared at you in complete and utter rage. You finished heaving up saline water, curtesy of the dream lord’s touch on your neck coaxing the dream liquid from your body. You rasped and coughed, leaning back on your shins with a grimace.

“Have you no self preservation!?” The dream lord thundered at you, physical thunder and lightning manifesting over the Ocean of Dreams. She was upset that your and her fun was interrupted. You blinked at Morpheus as he raged at you, his words cross, irate, warning. Nothing new to you. He never liked that you pushed the boundaries of his realm and rules. Well he never seemed to like you period. “I have half the mind to banish you for such insolence.”

“I think she’s lonely,” You protested smartly. “You should interact with her more.”

“You dare suggest to tell me how to run my realm?” Morpheus thundered yet again, lightning flashed and struck sand not that far from you. “You are out of line.”

“She deserves attention too you know,” You fired back as the dream lord rose to his feet and promptly stormed away, his coat fluttering behind him. Imber threw her arms around around your neck.

“Don’t ever do that again! You would have drowned if Lord Dream hadn’t rescued you!” The dream sobbed. Blinking, you tilted your head to the side in confusion. Why had Morpheus pulled you out? Did he not find your antics most annoying within his realm? You figured that if something ever happened to you, he’d just let you die to rid himself of you. He threatened you enough about banishment… While Imber continued to hug you, you stared at the disturbed waters of the Ocean of Dreams. She was already missing you.

The library was one of your favorite places to visit in the Dreaming. The endless amount of books kept you well entertained when your friends were busy with their work. On this day, you were playing hide and seek with Matthew. Shelves moved around you, shifting from letter to letter and genre… Matthew was currently hunting you down (without cheating) and his calls for you echoed throughout the endless library.

Holding back a snicker, you crawled across the top of the bookshelf you were currently perched on. Lucienne had been monitoring your hide and seek game, amused from watching the shelves cleverly hide you from Matthew’s sights. It was clear that the realm liked you, clear that no matter where you went within the Dreaming, the realm itself came alive as you interacted with it. So she was fine with you playing around in the library, as long as nothing happened to the books.

She was currently watching you army crawl across the tops of towering bookshelves, wondering how you had managed to get yourself there in the first place! No doubt the library had helped you up there… and now it was helping to hide you as well. Chuckling beneath her breath, Lucienne shifted her gaze to Matthew fluttering around, calling out to you with sassy remarks.

“Oh come on!” The raven exclaimed, gliding around a corner, only to come to an empty aisle. “Where are you hiding!? This has been going on for like, ten minutes!!”

“Oh come on, Matty!” You teased him, resting on your stomach for a moment while kicking your feet back. “It’s not like I’m playing tricks on you.” Matthew let out a disgruntled snort and dropped to the floor of the library.

“You totally are!” He complained, stamping his foot on the hardened wood beneath him. “How else would this game still be going on!? Isn’t it my turn to hide??”

“You still haven’t found me though,” You sang with a wide grin. Matthew stomped his little feet some more and flapped his wings, clearly at his wits end.

“Fine! Fine!” He exclaimed in a blustery tone. “You win this one! You win this one now just tell me—”

“What are you doing within the Library, Matthew?” Matthew hopped to attention and you leaned closer to the edge of the bookshelf to see that Morpheus had arrived. Who shit in his wheaties this morning?

“Oh, hi sir,” Matthew chittered nervously, shifting from one foot to the other. Morpheus’ intimidating gaze narrowed. “I was just— you know…”

“Matthew was tending to a dreamer, my lord,” Lucienne spoke up, stepping into the picture. “You tasked him with helping around the realm when away from your side, he is doing as such.”

“And where is this dreamer?” Morpheus pressed, turning back to Matthew.

“Oh, you see, sir, we were playing a game of hide and seek so I don’t actually know…” Matthew trailed off the moment blue started glowing silver. Well, he didn’t know where you were, and his boss was clearly going to go nuclear at any moment.

“I’m up here,” Your voice was soft as it floated down to the three beings, and three sets of eyes lifted to stare at you peeking over the edge of the bookshelf you were currently atop. You could have sworn that Morpheus’ eye twitched. Matthew’s beak dropped open as he let out a screech in outrage.

“You were up there the whole time!?” He loudly exclaimed, flapping his wings and taking to the air to flutter up to where you were sprawled out. You grinned at the raven as he landed beside you.

“Yeah, pretty much,” You confirmed, pushing yourself up onto your forearms. Matthew wanted to be mad at you for doing such a thing, but at the same time, he was hella impressed.

“Okay you got me good on that,” He admitted while a storm began brewing below you. Morpheus was not pleased, not pleased at all. How had you gotten up there? And to play such a silly and menial childs games within the grand library of the Dreaming!? Your audacity appeared to have no bounds!

“What are you doing perched atop these sacred shelves?” Morpheus questioned severely, glaring up at your lounging body. You blinked at him, had he not been listening to what Matthew had just said?

“Playing a game of hide and seek, it was Matty’s turn to seek.”

“Yeah, we were just having some harmless fun,” Matthew piped up, hoping his boss wouldn’t go all nightmare on you. He really liked you and didn’t want you to be scared off let alone banished. Outside the palace thunder boomed, shaking the foundation. Your gaze didn’t stray from Morpheus’ bright silver one as you stared him down.

“Harmless… fun,” The dream lord was almost growling now, you nodded before patting the bookshelf beneath you.

“Oh yeah, hide and seek in this library? It’s like the masters edition. Top notch entertainment.” You happily explained, shifting into a sitting position. “Again might I suggest interacting—”

“Enough!” Morpheus cut you off. “Get down from the bookshelf immediately.”

“Spoil all the fun why don’t you, grumpy pants,” You mumbled, moving to climb down from your perch. But as you were doing as he had asked, the library decided to have a little fun of its own. With a shiver and tremble of wood, you lost your grip and tumbled from the bookshelf. A small yelp left your lips while Lucienne gasped and rushed forwards. She of course wouldn’t be able to help you, or catch you in time to prevent a very painful fall… but Morpheus was right there to catch your dropping body.

He easily caught you, surprising himself because did you not irk him to no end so why would he catch you? You and Morpheus spent a moment staring at each other, surprise plastered on both of your faces. What the hell had just happened? Heat creeped up your neck and you were instantly a flustered mess.

“Dream over, bye,” Just as suddenly as you had dropped into his arms, you were gone, leaving behind a dumbstruck Morpheus. He was frozen where he stood, arms out like he was still holding your body. He had a solid blue screen behind his silver eyes. Lucienne rushed up to her lord in a frazzled state.

“Sir? Sir?” She questioned, trying to get a response from the frozen dream lord. He was slowly rebooting. Matthew fluttered down to a nearby table and cocked his head to the side.

“Do ya think Y/N broke him? I’ve never seen them go all peace out on us before…” Matthew commented as Morpheus’ mind finished rebooting. Rage blistered across Morpheus’ features.

“They dare to undermine the rules of my realm and relieve themself from their own dream!?” Morpheus hissed out, finally coming to his senses on what had just happened. You had fallen from the top of the book shelf, he had caught you, and then you had woken yourself up! That was not an ability any regular dreamer should have and you were clearly displaying an unusual source of power.

“Sir, I believe that they are simply trying to enjoy the realm to the fullest—” The glow within Morpheus’ eyes had Lucienne cutting her words off and she watched as he angrily stormed away. Matthew exchanged looks with the librarian.

“So… am I just over thinking it or are they…”

“It would be in your best interest to stay out of their business, Matthew,” Lucienne adjusted her glasses and busied herself. This was not something she was going to stick her nose in unless absolutely necessary.

“If I get trapped in that stupid hour glass you better break me out,” You muttered to Concinō. Your dream friend twitched the corner of his mouth, making the whiskers of his current form, move ever so slightly. He was totally taking pleasure in this, you just knew it. At the start of your night, you’d come across Concinō, the dream of singing harmoniously… and somehow, he had talked you into assisting him with a dream of his. Little did you know that you would end up playing a Disney princess.

Exciting and fun, but you were acutely aware of what happened in Aladdin, and weren’t exactly fond of the idea that Jafar would be setting his sights on you. Memories of being scared as the hourglass full of sand slowly buried Jasmine alive still haunted you, even into adulthood. Not even the fine cloth draped upon your body and jewels enhancing your natural beauty could distract you from that worry.

“You think I will allow any harm to befall you?”

“We are in a dream, Concinō,” You muttered at him beneath your breath. “The psychological mind fuckery I deal with on a nightly basis is getting a bit too much.”

“Which is why I thought to invite you, this is a little girl’s dream, it is not meant to be a nightmare.” You gave Concinō a blank stare for a moment before your ‘father’ came bustling in… in all his short and round gloriousness. It was a nearly comical sight to you and that made you giggle a little and smile. You set down the hairbrush you had been absentmindedly running through Jasmine’s long hair and twisted in your seat.

“Father,” You greeted happily, following along with the script. “I had the most wonderful time,” The little girl watching the dream play out in the corner of Jasmine’s large bedroom giggled and pressed her hands against her little mouth. “I’m so happy!”

“You should be, Jasmine,” Jasmine’s father replied, his eyes glowing an eery red. Jafar had already gotten to him. “I have chosen a husband for you.” The remaining door to your room boomed open and the long faced Jafar appeared, striding towards you with a regal yet smug bird perched on his shoulder.

“You’re speechless, I see. A fine quality in a wife.” Jafar said, taking your hand. You were momentarily stunned by the sheer audacity of this dude, but them remembered you had a part to play and jerked back.

“I will never marry you,” You retorted as the little girl pipped up.

“Yeah! She’s never gonna marry a creep like you. You’re mean!” You nearly laughed at her comment but stayed in character. From behind you, Concinō let out a rumble from his chest in warning.

“Father I choose Prince Ali.”

“Prince Ali left,” Jafar retorted smugly.

“Better check your crystal ball again, Jafar,” A voice spoke from behind you. You whirled around in a swirl of blue skirts and proceeded to gawk at the dream that had formed Prince Ali. You wouldn’t mind being swept off your feet by him. The bird on Jafar’s shoulder squawked angrily as Prince Ali stomped up to you, eyes ablaze.

“Tell them the truth, Jafar. You tried to have me killed.” You let out a dramatic gasp, which the little girl did as well. Honestly her reactions were making this whole experience worth the trouble…

“What?” Jafar exclaimed. “Ridiculous nonsense, Your Highness. He’s obviously lying.”

“Obviously… lying…” Jasmine’s father mumbled, hypnotized by the snake scepter. You stepped in front of him and tried to shake the hypnotism from this mind.

“Father, what is wrong with you!?” Aladdin jumped forwards and snatched the snake scepter.

“I know what’s wrong!” He shouted before smashing the head of the snake on the floor. It broke and Jasmine’s father gasped.

“Oh, my!”

“Your Highness, Jafar’s been controlling you with this.” Aladdin continued, holding out the scepter.

“What?” He stammered. “Jafar? You, you traitor!”

“Get him! Lock him up!” The little girl cheered on. So the guards were called and were slowly dragging him off, but just as soon as Jafar has waltzed into the room, he disappeared in a cloud of red smoke.

“Oh no,” You murmured to yourself as Aladdin stepped up to you and Jasmine’s father began rambling. You let him wrap his arms around your body, and stared into his eyes before muttering at him. “I’m not kissing you.”

A sparkle appeared and his smile widened.

“I’m pretty sure Concinō would bite my head off if I tried,” The dream replied. “Besides, I’m just a side character in this dream.”

That made you chuckle as the dream in question eyed you both scrupulously. Concinō was in charge of this dream, in charge of making the little girl’s dreaming thoughts reality for this night. You had little control over what was going to happen next. Jasmine’s father dragged Aladdin off, talking excitedly about marriage plans and you went to slump down on a sofa with an exasperated sigh.

When it came time for Jafar’s takeover, you hadn’t considered how terrifying it might be to actually experience what Jasmine went through. You didn’t appreciate the crimson outfit you had been forced into, and you certainly didn’t appreciate being in chains at Jafar’s side. You had already thrown wine at the idiot sorcerer, told him off (much to the little girls egging on, she found it very entertaining), and even stomped on his foot.

He wasn’t happy with you.

You had done your best to distract the sorcerer after he had wished for you to fall in love with him. Because hello, one of the big no no’s of Genie magic was no love spells. Jafar didn’t know that yet thankfully, so you were holding his attention while Aladdin snuck in and slowly made his way over to the magic lamp.

“What street rat?” You cooed, delicately brushing your fingers along Jafar’s face. You were never doing this again. But your distraction was doomed to fail and Jafar caught sight of Aladdin in the reflection of the tiara you wore and promptly jerked around to address him. You lurched in front of him and tried to grab the scepter. Fighting against him was a loosing battle and you were flung backwards onto your rump which made you moan.

“Get the lamp!” Aladdin called from where he had taken your place in struggling for the scepter. You scrambled on your hands and knees, lurching up and scurrying over to the throne where the lamp was resting.

“Ah, ah, ah, Princess!” Jafar called, flinging Aladdin to the side. “Your time is up!” He flicked his scepter at you and you felt your body getting thrown back. You had to close your eyes so you didn’t get sick, but the topsy turvy feeling finally dissipated. Opening your eyes, you stared at a wall of glass before panicking and slapping your hands against the glass of the giant hourglass you were stuck in. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. You had hoped the little girl would deviate from the whole ‘Jasmine almost dies in the hour glass suffocated from sand’ plot. Apparently the little dreamer was a purist.

Sand poured on your head from overhead and you jerked in place, trying to avoid the stream. You slammed your fists harder against the glass, hoping you could break it, you had been able to manipulate some dreams before. But you had no such luck, the glass remained strong and the sand was quickly up to your waist. While Aladdin was tricking afar into wishing to be a Genie, you raked your nails across the glass and desperately searched for the now pint sized Concinō. He was gone, dismissed by a very irate Morpheus who had sensed your meddling yet again.

The dream darkened around you and the disney palace warped. Clawing the sand in front of you, you barely saw Jafar’s figure standing in front of the glass. He looked different now, taller, darker, more menacing. A few gasps for air departed your lips as you stared the irate Morpheus in the eyes. Then sand completely covered you. You panicked against the coarse material, feeling it scrape against your skin and impede your ability to breathe.

The glass holding you trapped disappeared within the hourglass. You fell, sprawling in front of a livid Nightmare Morpheus in a tumble of red fabric and sand. Coughing for a few moments because it seemed like you had breathed in several particles of sand, you slowly lifted your head.

You caught glowing mercury eyes, first glaring at you for being in the dream in the first. The complete and utter audacity! You were so meddlesome! But then Morpheus took in what you were wearing and his mind went blank. Crimson fabric covered your curves, and jewels dotted your throat and head, you looked every bit of the part you had been playing. Beautiful princess trapped in an hourglass filling with sand. It was an… enviable sight and that disturbed the Endless, certainly even more when sand slipped from your shoulders as you shifted in place. It had the luxury of caressing your beauty, beauty he had been unconsciously admiring. Now he wanted you… a… deplorable thought… surely… he would never… absolutely not… you were a pest… a pest he disliked… greatly… he didn’t like you… not one bit…

“Jafar?” A squeaky voice questioned, you glanced to your right to see the little girl confused. Understandable, this was supposed to be a dream, but now it was a nightmare. “You’re supposed to be defeated and stuck in a lamp.” Morpheus didn’t even spare her a glance.

“This dream… is over,” He spoke through gritted teeth. Sand once again spun around you, withdrawing you from the Dreaming and causing you to jerk awake in bed. You breathed heavily, your heart racing. Did he just try and scare you off with a nightmare?

“Dick move, Morpheus, dick move, it was her dream not yours,” You muttered, rolling onto your side. “It’s gonna take more than a nightmare to chase me off.” You closed your eyes and tried to get back to sleep. The only thing Morpheus managed to do was rescue you from a situation that had scared you. Being trapped in that hourglass was scarier than Nightmare Morpheus.

You were lounging with a book in your lap on what should have been a very uncomfortable place to sit… but the Dreaming of course would not have you sitting on something so uncomfortable and had softened the seat of Morpheus’ throne for you. That made his throne a very nice place to sit and read… which you were doing happily until Matthew’s call rang throughout the large throne room. You purposefully kept your eyes trained on the book in your hands, nonchalantly reading your passage.

The moment Morpheus set his eyes upon his throne, and saw you sitting there, he stopped short and took a moment to think. Surely you wouldn’t be this insolent! But there you were, looking quite comfortable and entirely at home. And quite gorgeous— He cleared that daring through from his mind and strode forward, a sour expression on his face.

“Your insolence appears to have no bounds,” He growled at you, rage quickly surfacing once more. You’d been pressing on his nerves, moving onto the next without fail and building his frustration. “Remove yourself at once.”

You eyed him, knowing that this was most likely really irritating him… which was your plan in the first place. Not one dream nor nightmare thought you’d actually sit on Morpheus’ throne. So you had strolled on up to the chair and planted your bottom on it. Now you were watching Morpheus’ patience run thin, worn down by your constant antics within his realm. You couldn’t help but admit to yourself that you liked it when he showed the Nightmare side of him. The endless was getting very frustrated that he couldn’t scare you off.

You chose not to push him and just smiled pleasantly and winked yourself out of the Dreaming. The Dreaming refused to change Morpheus’ throne back to its original state for three weeks.

You hadn’t told anyone what your plan was, you just executed it. Morpheus was supposed to be gone from the realm for several days and nights, which gave you the perfect window to pull off your next prank. You’d spent the better part of this visit moving every piece of furniture you could find… an inch over from where it usual was. It wouldn’t be obvious and to most eyes, everything would look normal. But not Morpheus. He was highly sensitive to his realm, could detect every minute change down to a single weed. But he wasn’t in the realm to feel the changes you made directly, so you could get away with the movements without him knowing.

When he returned, everything would look the same, but feel the same? No. And you relished watching him squirm on the inside trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with his realm. He was so unflappable at times, stoic and unchanging. Kind of like a marble statue… no, you were sure that a marble statue would show more emotions than Morpheus. Ignoring his angry, glowy eyes he gave you when pissed off. You wondered what he would look like it he smiled for once (something that you knew would never happen), you also wondered what his cosmic form looked like. Lucienne had once told you that while he did have an anthropomorphic form, it was only one form he had.

He was already a stunningly beautiful creature as a mortal, you wondered what his non-human form looked like. Would he even look remotely humanlike? Or would he be all wonky and chaotic, a blob of cosmic energy with no real distinguishable form to be seen.

“Hmm, squishy,” You commented to yourself as you struggled to move his throne exactly an inch to the left. “I wonder what he’d feel like to sleep on if he was like that?”

“What’re you doing?” You jumped in place before relaxing and looking at Matthew.

“Hi Matty,” you greeted before tilting your head. “What’re you doing here? I thought you were with Morpheus?”

“He sent me to check on you because he thinks you’re gonna mess with something while he’s gone.” You bit your lip to stop a bout of laughter that wanted to come up and Matthew hopped forwards, examining you a little closer. “You aren’t… messing with anything right?”

“Course not, absolutely wouldn’t while he’s out, why would he think of such a thing?” You blurted out. Matthew instantly knew you were up to something, and looked closer.

“Okay… why are you touching his throne? He got real mad about that after your last prank. Could’ve sworn the throne actually sulked for a few weeks…” Matthew muttered to himself, immediately deciding that he wanted no part in whatever shenanigan you were up to this time. His boss was getting really wound up by you and ready to implode. Matthew would rather watch this event from the sidelines than be in the midst of it.

“Just looking at the carvings,” You answered, patting the cold marble beneath your fingers. “I’m also wondering what he was thinking of when he made it given the decorations… like how does he even figure that shit out in his head? Or is it like, automatic? Snap fingers and bam a-la-throne?”

“I… have absolutely no idea,” Matthew replied, his own mind now wondering how Morpheus had designed everything. “I don’t know how any of this Endless magic shit works, ya know?”

“It’s pretty awesome though,” You said while standing up and wiping your hands on your jeans. It was moved just enough. Perfect. Now you just had to wait for Morpheus to get back. While Matthew flew back to give Morpheus a report that you weren’t messing with his realm, you whistled while making your way to the library to find something to read.

Morpheus had gotten so angry at your little stunt (that everyone in the dreaming thought was hilarious) that he had gone all Nightmare on you. Like blazing cosmos eyes, enormous figure, thunder and lightning. Even the palace had trembled. Lucienne had been frightened for you, thinking that perhaps you had finally pushed the Endless one prank too far… only Morpheus had just raged at you while you giggled deviously. Then you had just skittered your way out of the throne room leaving the rather irate Endless to fume. So Lucienne finally decided to intervene.

“Sir, if I may,” She spoke softly, still feeling the echoing rumbles of the realm trembling from Morpheus’ anger. Mercury eyes landed on his trusted librarian.

“What is it, Lucienne? Give me one good reason why I should not have them banished from this realm for all eternity.” The librarian shifted from one foot to the other.

“Sir, I do not believe that you truly dislike having them around.” Morpheus glared at her for the mere insinuation that he liked having you of all creatures around his realm. “You have given many threats of banishment, but have yet to follow through with your words…”

“And why do you believe that is?” Morpheus snapped out, his fingers digging into the armrests of his throne (which he had promptly returned to its rightful place an inch to the right).

“I believe, that perhaps, you have come to enjoy their visits?” Lucienne offered, steeling herself for the blow up that was surely to come. “And might I even add, that you might have come to…” She paused, searching for the correct words to say without getting herself sent to the darkness. “…care for them. Do you not contemplate their arrival within the realm every night before they do so?”

Morpheus was insulted that his library would suggest such a thing and his eyes certainly blazed silver.

“You dare suggest that I have formed feelings for such an insolent mortal!?” His voice came out in a hiss. “They are nothing but a nuisance to me and I wish for them to leave and never come back!”

Lucienne couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow.

“But sir, if you truly wished for that, would you not have already done so?” The librarian bravely spoke. “In order to deal with such… feelings, accordingly, you should decide upon the decision to banish them or not.”

Morpheus hadn’t made a decision on what to do with you. No, he had decided to show you his final form. His true form. A form that would surely scare you off and he’d never had to deal with your incessant pranks, never have to see you walking his halls never, never have to be tempted by your smiles and laughter. You were impervious to many a thing, but he doubted you wouldn’t be scared of his ultimate cosmic form. He didn’t really have a physical body in the anthropomorphic sense, he was just a mass of Endless that was abstractly shaped like his mortal self. Surely you’d be terrified and the temptation that had driving him to the brink of insanity would finally be gone.

But his plan to scare you by showing a side of him that was rarely shown had to be put on hold when his sibling decided to pay a visit. Of all siblings, it had to be Desire. They were still on thin ice with their last trickery that had cost the Dreaming 106 years, what reason did they have to want to visit now? But nonetheless, he relented simply for the sake of keeping an eye on them. Morpheus relented to their wish to wander throughout his realm, but he had every dream and nightmare on alert and several ravens flying overhead should anything go amiss.

When he picked up that you had entered his realm, he had dismissed your presence. He would have to deal with you on the morrow, he was far too busy with his realm at the moment to consider dealing with you and your jokes. Luckily for him, you weren’t planning on pulling off any pranks on this visit. He didn’t, however, consider what would happen should you cross paths with his sibling. No, you were just wandering around the palace gardens smelling different flowers and appreciating the scents and varieties. You had already received a flower from a tulip plant that had kindly offered you the single flower. Everywhere you went, the Dreaming came alive.

“I didn’t expect a dreamer to be so close to the palace,” A smooth voice called, drawing you from your mindless thoughts. Turning your head, you stopped in your tracks when you saw one of the most beautiful beings you had ever seen. Caught between masculine and feminine, they had pale hair and vibrant gold eyes… but you were distracted by the mischievous air that surrounded them. “My brother usually keeps the dreamers away from his more… intimate, of places.”

“Oh, so… I kind of just do what I want here,” You explained, wondering how many siblings Morpheus had. Then you leaned over and ran your fingers over a hydrangea bush. It stretched its leaves towards your touch. “He doesn’t stop me or anything, usually just gives me the glowy eyes, and huffs and puffs at my apparent audacity.”

Desire chuckled softly, amusement sparkling within their incredible golden eyes.

“Oh aren’t you an unusual one,” They mused, moving closer to where you stood. Gold examined every millimeter of your body, there was nothing special about you, clearly… but something made Dream latch onto you. “I can see why he would be intrigued.”

“Who says he’s intrigued?” You questioned, twisting your head to look at them with a raised eyebrow. “Do you know the number of times I’ve been threatened with banishment?”

“Like he would ever find it in his cold, cold, heart to banish a gem like you,” Desire cooed, not helping themself and reaching up to touch your face. They let their finger follow the curve of your jaw. “You’re far too precious.”

“I don’t know about that,” You disagreed, eyes wandering over their features. “Can I ask for your name? Morpheus doesn’t talk about his family, or talk to me at all if he has to…”

“I’m Desire,” Desire purred, eyes thinking with mischief and wonder. There were so many delicious things they could do with you. Ah. That would explain a lot.

“It’s nice to meet you Desire,” You replied happily. “I haven’t learned much about you or the other Endless…

“Hmm, it doesn’t surprise me,” Desire replied, taking a section of your hair between their impeccably manicured fingers. “Dream has always been very hush hush about us, it’s quite saddening actually…”

Something in you told you that it was, in fact, not saddening, to Desire and they were only looking to stir shit up. You were equipped in that category.

“Oh,” You sounded, you’re smiling fading despite your efforts to keep your face straight. You’d never been good at hiding your true emotions. “Well, that doesn’t surprise me, he’s kind of private isn’t he? I don’t blame him for that.” Golden eyes glimmered at you in scrutiny. You were an unusually impervious mortal, usually your kind would be falling at their feet by now in reverence. So they stepped closer and turned on the charm and desire, trying to wrap you up within their twisted influence. Surely you would make for a delicious game.

“Oh? But you are a guest within his realm,” Desire purred, dropping your hair to caress your cheek. While their teasing continued, Morpheus was made aware of his siblings proximity to you, his latest irking problem… and the very thin band of patience you’d been testing the constraints of for the last few months finally began to quiver. Disappearing from this throne room, Morpheus appeared in his garden and fixed his eyes on you and his sibling. Surely they were filling you with more noxious ideas to plague the Dreaming.

“Desire, that is enough,” Morpheus growled, the feet beneath your feet shaking. “Your meddling has gone far enough, leave,” Desire pouted and Nightmare Dream came out, his patience snapping like a violin string. You took a step back, feeling the ground beneath your feet trembling and shaking. Wow, Morpheus was sure getting worked up. You wondered if Desire was going to push his buttons further, but the Endless just smirked and winked out of the Dreaming.

“I think that was a little rude of you,” You commented, only to have the angry Dream Lord round on you and his eyes to brighten in anger almost to the point where you couldn’t even look him in the eyes.

“Rude!? Are you that desperate to irate me that must conspire with my sibling!??” Lightning cracked across the suddenly darkened sky. You blinked and scrunched your nose.

“What? No,” You replied in confusion. Since when had you purposefully annoyed him? All you wanted to do was have fun and explore the Dreaming, and have Morpheus interact with it more because clearly she was missing her lord. You never had any intention of purposefully irritating Morpheus. “I just wanted to—”

“My realm is not yours to do what you wish with mortal,” Morpheus hissed at you, his skin rippling with power. “And for you to conspire with Desire!?”

Your eyes flashed in anger and your hackles bristled.

“I was most certainly not—” Before you even finished your statement the air around you rippled and you felt like you were stuck in a hurricane. Well someone had certainly lost their temper, but you hadn’t seen him lose it like this. A few seconds later you felt yourself getting tossed and turned in place, the ground having long since disappeared from your feet. Flopping around, your arms cartwheeled until you managed to keep yourself stable and you worked the courage up to open your eyes. What the hell…?

In front of you was a swirling mass of cosmos, you could barely make out somewhat of a humanoid shape but it most certainly wasn’t a human. Your body dropped though the air and you flailed yet again before being caught but a shadowy hand.

“You are the bane of my existence with your incessant comings and goings, why do you not act like the rest of your kind!?” Oh. Holy shit. That was Morpheus?? You were rendered speechless, gawking at the inhumane mass of Endless energy. Even now, with Morpheus displaying his worst form, you were still not cowering in fear! “What must I do to rid myself of the irritation you cause me?”

“You are so beautiful,” You whispered, barely able to form any further thoughts as the beauty of the cosmic being in front of you filled your mind. The next few seconds stretched into what felt like years, your words curling and slipping around Morpheus’ monstrous being. You are so beautiful.

Your surroundings trembled and shook, and that topsy turvy feeling returned. Then you found yourself stretched out on a bed with a very bewildered and confused (not to mention worked up) Endless above you. Your eyelashes fluttered as Morpheus grasped your chin in a hard grip. You could feel the pent up energy he was barely holding back.

“You are the most vexing, troubling, meddlesome mortal I have ever had the displeasure of meeting.” Morpheus hissed in your face, his nose practically touching yours. Well excuse me! You didn’t exactly ask to meet him either! Your eyes flared with fire and you barked back, poking your finger into his chest.

“Well you are the most hard headed, egotistical, close minded—” Morpheus had-had enough of your lip and insolence, and silenced you the only way his tumultuous mind could think of: by kissing you.

Date Published: 8/11/23

Last Edit: 8/11/23

Masterlist | Next

#dream the endless x reader #morpheus x reader #dream of the endless x reader #sandman x reader #dream of the endless #morpheus #lord morpheus #the sandman #dream the endless #the sandman netflix

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pepperpixel · 1 year ago

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“Can't remember when we walked past the O.R. sign!

(sur-ger-y!)

Can't remember passing out with her hand in mine!

(my-my-mind!!!!)

I remember waking up with my mind repaired.

(A-OK! ^^)

I remember when I realized, she wasn't there...”

Amnesia was her name….. is. so. horrifically. sadly fitting for these two in literally every single line. And I’m gonna NEED ALL OF U GUYS TO GO LISTEN TO IT NOW OK… THIS ISNT A DRILL GO GO GO GO!!!

Anyway… uhh. the fact Betty “blessed” this guy to like. An eternally long lifespan w THIS FUCKED UP OF A MENTAL STATE IS SO SCREWED UP GHGH- Like poor Simon god damn…! u kno he’d rather just keep on not sorting out his baggage and trauma forever too cuz it’d be too complicated… too much… force him to admit things about himself and about BETTY that he really really doesn’t want to… better to just leave it all unexamined.. pack it all into lil boxes so he can just try to ignore it and pretend it doesn’t exist… HE GOTTA LIVE FOREVER W IT THO… *ME BANGING ON SIMONS DOOR AT 3 IN THE MORNING*: “SIMON U GOTTA ACCEPT URSELF!!!! LOVE URSELF!!!! ACKNOWLEDGE N ACCEPT EVEN THE “BAD” PARTS OF URSELF!!!! SIMON PLEASE!!!!! SIMON EVEN PPL WHO LOVE YOU AND WHO YOU LOVE CAN HURT YOU!!!! ACKNOWLEDGE IT!!! ACKNOWLEDGE THE HURT AND ACKNOWLEDGE UR FEELINGS!!!! AND URSELF!!!!! SIMON!!!!” anyway… gGHGH YEA, SRRY. SIMON PETRIKOVS MENTAL ILLNESSES MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IM GONNA EXPLODE. ANYWAY HAVE SOME ART. W a bunch of diff versions cuz I’m indecisive!

#adventure time #simon petrikov #betty grof #petrigrof #doodles #lol at tagging this petrigroff but nah I stand by it man!!!!#being a petrigroff shipper is understanding that I’m actually canon these two need som fuckin COUPLES COUNSELING. OR TO JUST BREAKUP.#like….. gGHG I LOVE BETTY BUT ALSO. ALSO… also…. these 2 have some issues… seperate and together issues. lmao #ANYWAY THO. ANYWAY THO. IM SO FUCKING EXCITED. I SAW THE NEW TRAILER. IM GONNA DIE. MY WIFE I GOT TO SEE MY WIFE #AND WERE ACTUSLLY GONNA GET SIMON MENTAL STATE SHIT YEAHHHHH!!!!#HELL FUCKING YEAH!!!!!!!!!#FIONNA AND CAKE DO NOT LET THIS NERD KEEP RUNNING AWAY FROM HIS FEELINGS FUCKING GET HIS ASS!!! MAKE HIM FACE IT AND WORK THRU IT!!!#pls!!!! if even Simon Petrikovs can start working thru his mental traumas there might be hope for all of us ghghg #uh but anyway yeah. AMBESIA IS HER NAME IS SO THEM.. STRAIGHT UP I FELT THE URGE TO EVEN LIKE. make an animatic for it!! it was so fitting!#im not gonna make an animatic cuz I don’t feel like it but!!! I saw it… I saw the animatic in my brain ghghg-#there’s a lot of typos in these tags but. just do me a favor… and pretend like there aren’t lol #fionna and cake #am I…. possibly…. projecting more mental trauma and issues on Simon. then he ACTUALLY has…#probably. yes. but!!!! he def still DOES have issues. I feel like I’m probably exaggerating the Betty ones cuz he #never really outright expresses feeling hurt by her. but also I feel like!!!! he’s the sorta guy!!! WHO WOULDNT EXPRESS THAT!#cuz he loves her!!!!! sO MUCH!! and she did so much and pushed herself so far and was trying so hard… and also she’s fucking basically d #dead now!!!! it’d be like. disrespectful of her memory…. to feel that. also what’s even the point of expressing that pain she’s gone!!!!!#she did all of that.. for him… how could he…. just. spit in the face of that #im writing those last few tags in the he perspective of simons mind btw… the things he tells himself….#anyway gGHG MAYBE I AM PROBABLY PROJECTING MORE ISSUES ON HIM THEN HE ACTUALLY HAS BUT WHO CARES MAN #I’m allowed ghghgh-#I wanna draw art of Simon having a traumatic flashback to the ‘Dont worry ull be obliterated soon!’ line and hating himself for it #ice king isn’t him!!! it isn’t him! it’s not him!!! why does that hurt it shouldn’t hurt she wasn’t talking to HIM #BUT SHE WAS #SHE WAS… she didn’t think of the ice king as Simon but he IS… HE IS AND JUST. URGHGH

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banana-pancake5 · 16 days ago

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Dude I finally read the neon void and I’m going a little crazy.

I just kinda really really love it. I knew it was good but I didn’t expect it to be that good. So that was pleasantly surprising. I also for some reason didn’t expect to get Leo narrating for whatever reason but I’m so glad we did. It makes me so sad the misunderstandings the boys had when Leo’s being Leo but with a darker appearance (and being so unnecessarily aggressive with the remarks toward himself like baby no 😭)

I can’t exactly speak from experience but the way grief was written was so so nice. I guess I could be completely off base bc I have yet to experience that type of grief (the perks of not getting close to too many people I suppose) but it feels really realistic. I super appreciate it bc I’m gonna use it as an actual reference bc it’s written in a way that’s understandable? I guess? Like I didn’t really get the specifics of grief before and I guess I can’t really now, but I do have a better grasp I think. Ah it made me hurt a lot tho

I’m still kinda taking it all in but all of everything was just so so good. I would love to hear about all your favorite moments and aspects bc I feel a ramble on my bones but it needs to be awakened teehee

Yesssss im so glad you read it dcisjncedjindecinwdijwdcnijcen it so GOOD!!! (Also I literally went insane when I read it XD)

A reason I’m so obsessed with TNV is how Leo is characterized. I’m sure I’ve said it before, but I LOVE crazy/insane characters Idk what it is about them but they always peak my interest. And the way @/sugarpasteltmnt writes Leo’s madness just feels so real!!! Insane characters + unreliable narrator (especially if it’s the insane character) = NCSDJHDSCNDJSJCN#NJISCDNDC I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!!! The misunderstandings of the brothers is also written so incredibly well. Again, it just feels so real. Their theories of who Neon Void is, their greif, their reactions to the taunts, etc. is all so realistic dfhuncfeuhncefihncufehneuhfcn

Oh and I also want to mention this fic made me LAUGH OUT LOUD. That does not happen with me!!! Especially with a fic????? Unheard of. (Specifically it was the Highschool TV show chapter)

Another thing I really like is how Donnie is written!!! I don’t even know what specifically about it, it’s just perfect!!!

Yeah I know what you mean!! The greif is written incredibly well, and though I haven’t experienced a loss like that, it definitely seems like a valid and (like I’ve said above) realistic way for each of them to react. I think it definitely does give me a better grasp on how some people grieve as well!

Hmmmm more of my favorite moments and aspects let’s seeeeeee

OKAY WELL THE WHOLE SPACE ODDITY SCENE MAKES ME WANNA SOB AND DIE OF EXCITEMENT AT THE SAME TIME. ESPECIALLY, IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY SEEN IT, LOOK AT THIS ANIMATIC BY @bowandbrush!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS PHENOMENAL!!!! I think a (small) part of this is I’ve realized when a song I know and like is referenced in a fic it makes me go “edcjhefncihednchdiencsidjncdeijnjicedniscdjnds”

The 2012 reference with the whole rap makes me EXPLODE (ESPECIALLY DUM DUM LEOS PART NEDCIJNCDEEIJDNCIJEDCNJIDENC STOP BEUNG SO MEAN TO YOURSELF BUD)

Literally every scene with Leo is so cinimatic I can’t ndeicndwuchsdnuhnd

Whenever Leo is talking with his brothers and feels their Ninpo and such is so heartwarming and tragic

Oh! I really like the detail of him HATING that Cassandra is like “a part of the family” because it makes sense (SHE WAS IN THE FOOT CLAN, FROM LEOS PERSPECTIVE WHY WOULD THEY TRUST HER!!?!?!)

The chapter when Mikey rips off his arm is fantastic (I really like Leo’s reaction!!!)

I’m trying to remember all these scenes rn but I think that’s all I’ll say for now

If this invokes the ramble inside of you, you know I’d love to hear it!!!!!

#TNV IS SO GOOOOOOOOD #AHHHHH #I wanna go read the recovery chapters #I’ve only read like 1 or 2 of them for some reason #moo’s moots #TNV #the neon void #neon void #Rottmnt #M3B fic recs

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thunderheadfred · 2 months ago

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Im sick and crabby and don’t have a healthier outlet so I’m gonna a rant about a bunch of random shit okay? Cool

The world

Do I have to? It’s horrible. Every day it’s more horrible

Why is America like this

Why are all these powerful despots doing the shit they are doing

Why are literal children being exploded

Why is the earth on fire

Just stop

I think about Jesus a lot

Like a lot a lot

I’m not Christian but sometimes you just gotta think about Jesus

The fact that we gotta just like… do the day to day rigmarole despite the global panopticon broadcasting suffering directly into our consciousness, to the point that if you don’t take up volunteering or meditation or healthy religion or radical love you will in fact go insane

How do we fix it? Without becoming what we fight against

Jesus Jesus Jesus

Anyway. Breastfeeding

It’s ironic because I was so afraid of breastfeeding triggering body dysphoria. It’s triggered a lot of things, but not that

We have a bad latch, and I underproduce milk, probably because of my CFS

So whenever I try to breastfeed her, she ends up miserable and crying in a way you can only understand if you’ve been in this exact situation, and it feels like I am holding a knife and stabbing my own heart again and again

Because I can’t breast feed exclusively, we feed 50/50 formula and pumped breast milk, and she’s perfectly healthy and so so so happy, but I still feel like an axe murdering psychopath

These days I pretty much don’t directly breast feed her at all, and if you’d asked me before baby, I’d have thought that would be ideal. But no. I just feel guilt.

WHY DOES IT MAKE YOU SO SWEATY?? No one warned me about this, but apparently everyone gets postpartum sweats for like. months and months. it's so gross. I'm just moist. damp. wet. all the time. I thought I was going insane but no. it's just another one of those Pregnancy Things. thanks body

Child Free People vs. Pro Natalists

Why these new terminally online identity categories???

I didn’t get the idea of declaring myself “child free” before kids, even when I MYSELF thought I could never want kids

Calling children “parasites????” WTF unhinged

Calling childless people "psychopaths????" equally without hinge

Yes pregnancy is pure body horror but that doesn’t make it the BABY’S FAULT. A fetus is not some kind of malicious alien, it’s a human being in progress??? All human beings are consumers in nature but that doesn’t make us inherently evil, especially those of us who are the most tiny, ignorant, and vulnerable. A baby is just… trying to survive

Yes childbirth is transformative and awe-inspiring but why are a certain subset of rich imperialists so fucking gross about wanting to impregnate as many women as possible. Shut up until you can push the baby out yourself, then get back to me

Look. If you don’t want kids, don’t have kids? Don’t think about kids? Move on and solve world peace or something. Why is there a subreddit pathologically obsessed with hating children and shouting it loudly as part of their bio? I get that the world is full of horrors and it’s hard to imagine the future sometimes. “How could you bring children into the world” Yadda yadda. Climate change or WWIII or whatever existential threat appears tomorrow, every human being dies eventually. Death isn’t really an excuse to give up on the continuity of life writ large

but also? a declining population isn't the greatest threat humanity has ever faced, Elon you ketamine-addled incel shitface. It just means capitalism might break under the strain of the way we devalue and fail to care collectively for elders. even elders who currently HAVE children

You can just. Ignore children and live your life. Making it an identity reeks of insecurity, doubt, and a weird nihilistic doomed mindset

If the counterargument is “well parents make parenting their whole identity and that’s equally stupid and annoying” no it isn’t.

Unless we're talking about the equally deranged opposite end of the spectrum. Everyone is unhinged about kids these days, almost as if capitalism and individuation and the "nuclear family" have imploded the basic inter-generational human village that makes having children desirable and healthy for people on the whole

Having children is a huge amount of labor, never mind the emotional importance of family to uhhh most people? So yeah, it’ll be a huge focus for most. Whereas being childless is just. That. Focus on something else more interesting, since you don’t have to worry about kids. No need to make a thing of it. It seems counterintuitive. Don’t like kids? Stop thinking about them so much

For women especially, having an unnecessary hysterectomy or doing other damage to yourself seems so… self harm adjacent? You truly DONT know if you will change your mind (I did) but even more importantly, removing or altering your organs can have consequences on your hormones and quality of life. There are other forms of birth control that seem far less invasive and destructive. Your body your choice, always. But. These seem like unnecessarily harmful choices.

I’m not interested in confronting anyone about this trend which is why it is all behind a cowardly “read more” cut but I just find the whole aggressively child free identity mind boggling

Anyway back to thinking about childless MVP Jesus again

Jesus

Fuck. Did not expect having a baby to make me so conscious of Christ.

My unmedicated labor was a religious experience, so now I have to Deal With That

Still not Christian, but increasingly a fan of Buddy Christ

Christian nationalists need to get his name out of their mouths

Trump is the Antichrist. If not THE Antichrist, at least AN anti-Christian

How do we reprogram all these people who think they are heroic righteous saviors when they are about as violent and power seeking as it is possible to get

See “how to fix it without becoming the bad guy”? (Real Jesus had answers. Sorry MAGA, but most of them involve being forgiving, generous, vulnerable, introspective, or gentle)

They have so many guns

The idea that you could think Jesus is with you while you talk about rounding up migrants and killing criminals and hating your neighbor like. Jesus was very much not a fan of these things?? Jesus did not have an AK-47, he um. He rode a donkey.

Jesus liked to sit with kids under trees and wash feet and famously rejected power and wealth and kings and uhhhhh KINDA DIED ABOUT IT

LEAVE JESUS ALONE

I’m having a normal one, clearly

Here’s a happy baby

#incoherent nonsense #I slept very little and it shows

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moonshere · 3 months ago

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SPOILERS FOR EP 8 OF MURDER DRONES UNDERCUT

I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW V WAS GONNA COME BACK YES YES YESSSSSS!!!!! LITERALLY SCREAMED AT MY SCREEN IN JOY!!!!!

THE FIGHT!!! THEY WERE A TEAM!!! I LOVE THAT THEY DIDNT EXCLUDE HER!!!! SHE N AND UZI ARE A POWER TEAM!!!!!

God they love each other so so so much 🥹🥹 they got each other’s back no matter the danger, the stupid little hand shakes, the fact that they go to fucking school together, god god god goddddddd I love them!!!!

Cyn was so freaking creepy I love her skdbsjsbjss

THE NUZI MOMENTS THO I CANT NOT MENTION THAT THEY ARE SO STINKNG CUTE I NEED THEM TO EXPLODE IMMEDIATELY!!

AND LIZZY THAD AND KHAN!!!!! IM HAPPY THEY JOINED IN TOO!!! Lizzy is so silly I love her relationship to V 😭😭😭

But but!!! J!!!! She knew!! She knew the entire time and was terrified so she decided to help cyn?!?!?!? What the fuck?!?!?!

But genuinely, honestly, from the bottom of my heart, the ending felt too abrupt for me. It is the murder drones way, for an episode to throw a million different things at you in a very short amount of time, but I feel like since this is the series finale it was way way way too short :( I wanted to know more about cyn, more about the other planets, more about everything. All we can do now is theorize and create our own stories

But despite that, the animation is still gorgeous!! I adore the fight scenes!!!! And whatever the hell uzi did to cyn, I’m gonna have to rewatch a ton of times to understand everything!! Esp with how she now carries a part of cyn within her!!!

I still had fun!!! What an end to a series

#murder drones #murder drones spoilers #md #md spoilers #moon speaks

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pebiejeebies · 10 months ago

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PART 10 (FINALE) OF MY CABLOON ANALYSIS! GO TO MY #CABLOON-ANALYSIS TAG TO FIND THE FIRST POST!

(I’m gonna make it easier to access the older ones, I’ll make a master post, then I’ll make it so you can check the next part by a link so you don’t manually tire yourself, give me some time cause I need a mental break from my shutdown 😭‼️)

Literally one of the most precious moments I’ve screen recorded in my whole life, the way he’s sitting beside her, laughing just like her, writing in her files, both of them equally sharing the same annoyed stare at silver spoon (Which is something a lot more common than I thought it was)

THIS.

This is just.. *wipes away tear*

Too perfect..

I wonder what happens to Mephone..? (Good lord I am still traumatized till this

Now expect MANY MANY MANY random screenshots of my babies togethr

STOP HOW BALLOON EXCITEDLY INFODUMPS WITH CABBY JANSHEHSHQJJEDHHJWWJ

They’re autistics in love I tell you

LOOK AT HOW HE’S TOUCHING HER AHHH (please don’t thkae that out of context omfg—)

I have a feeling that she was slightly uncomfortable here (sTOP PROJECTING YOURSELF ONTO CABBY PEBIE!! STOP!!)

Its canon guys he was trying to impress her here too

Why else would he give her that smug ass look?!/vpos

Then he sees uninterested cabby and gets sad :(

stop guys it’s actually so sad

The way she got excited when she said that was SO SASAADDDDD

SHES SO STRESSED OMG I FEEL YOU GIRL AAHHHHHH

AHAHGSGAHHSHHEHGWG😭😭‼️‼️

I CANTT THE POOR GIRL IS HORRIFIED

Unsure if she was looking at Mephone or Balloon, but I guess they’re beside each other here, so uh excuse me lol

STOP

STOOOOPPP

THEYRE IN SYNC YALL

LOOOOOOOOK!!! HANDS ON HIPS, SAME FUCKING FACE TWICE, AND IN THE SAME SCENE TOO OMFG

CABBY AND BALLOON RAISE ONE HAND AUTISTICALLY, AND THE OTHER LIKE SILVER SPOON, FROM. THE. SAME. SIDE. AND LITERALLY HAVE A SIMILAR FACE!! I-I CANT BELIEVE HOW MUCH THEYRE ACTING LIKE EACH OTHER WITHOUT EVEN NOTICING IT IM FUCKING EVAPORATING AND EXPLODING… EXVAPORATING!!!

THATS LIKE.. 3 SYNCED POSES + EMOTIONS IN ONE SCENE IM GONNA CRY

GRRRRRR HOW COULD YOU SHAKE MY BOY LIKE THAT!!

ALSO. WHO THE FUCK DARES CALL MY BABIES INSECTS.. LOOK WHO THE FUCK CAME FROM THE DEPTHS OF EARTH ITSELF LOOKING LIKE ONE!!/silly /nsrs /omfgdontkillmeafterthisplease—

Erm actually… Cabby and Balloon are definitely engaging after this. Real. And uh she has AWESOME YINYANG, AAAAND BOT!! Balloom has an awkwardly clingy and.. well.. pathetic friend aswell, but hey! Even they have something to leave with! Look at silver spoon..

He doesn’t have candle on his side anymore

Btw.. look at this: You see how Balloon is holding his arm and looking at cabby?

Do you think he, well… wants to hold her hand?

LIKE— NO SERIOUSLY LOOK

STOOOPP AAAHHH MY HEART

YOU CANT TELL ME THAT HE ISNT WORRIED ABOUT CREEPING HER OUT IF HE HELD HER HAND

(Uh wow maybe me projecting myself up there could make sense— OH MY GOD IM GETTING SO MUCH HEADCANONS IM HAVING A HEADACHE YEEEOWWCH)

It’s either (Read this well cause it might confuse you the first time you read it)

He wants comfort from her

He wants to comfort her

This is all accidentally lining up too well

I’m just delusional and this isn’t even lining up at all

WOOOOAAAAAHHH!! EPIC BATTLE SCENE IN REEAAALL LIIIFFFEEEEE?££\#+@}+++}={==£[&$]^)-][.

(Just distract yourself Pebie, ignore how AE made an evil alter of silver spoon aswell.. calm DOWN)

STOOOOOPPPP!! WE GET IT!! THEYRE SOULMATES!! H.. HOW DO THESE TWO HAVE SO MUCH SIMILAR MOMENTS LIKE THIS OMFG/vvvvvvpos

My babies are sticking together OMFG I’m actually exvaporting STICK TOGETHER BABIES!! YOULL GET OUT OF THIS ALIVE!!! HH.HOPEFYKLU

IMANNAHAHWGSBHDJDJAKAKKSNDJD

IM SHAKKIIJHHHHH OKDMDHAHBBAHHHWHGGDGGDAAAAAA

WEEEE SHE SAID WE

SHE SAID WE OMFGGFGAFFSFVS

THE WAY SHE SAVED HIM IN CLUCTH IM FGGISNNG

IM GONNA.CRUY. IM SUBHIAJJJJSJ

LISTEN UP WALKIE TALKIE. YOU DONT DRAE THREATEN CABBY’S FUTURE HUSBAND AND GET AWAY WITH IT GRRRRRRYEHAHWJSJ

But let’s be fr, As much as I love Mephone and his silly shenanigans, this literally affected me the same way it did for them, just.. look at their faces man :(

NOOO NOOO!! STOP STOP STOOOP I DIDNT AGREE TO THIS!1 DONT HURT THEM!! PLLEEEAAAAASSSSEEEEEE 😭😭😭‼️‼️‼️ IM LITERALLY SHIVERING FOR THEM OMFG MY BABIES

I SWEAR IF YOU LAY A FINGER ON ANY OF THEM ILL FUCKING—

Deep betreath… breeaathehees… I’m not ANGRY. nooo wayhhhy. ,.,,uhm..—

HEY AE.. DO THEY MAKE IT SO THEY ALL LIKE MEPHONE IN THE END?? CAUSE LIKE.. It would be so awesome, it would be so cool—

Yeah WHOOOOH!! I took yesterday night, from 8/9pm to 11pm, STYAED UP ALL NIGHT CAUSE I COULDNT SLEEP FROM THESE TWO, stayed up until like.. 10am, fell asleep, woke up at 2:40pm and BAM! FINSIHED AFTER A DAY!! YIPPIEROONIES!!! (Edit: Two days, since I had to leave, came back at 9:50pm, finished at 11pm cause bedtime lockdown, then woke up at 10am today and started to do it again, so I technically finished at 2pm today)

I have a feeling that someone reading this started liking the ship, or felt curious about their rare pair interaction (if they had any/lh), but either way, I’ll tell you how THIS rare pair even EXSISTED.

(THE LORE OF WHY I EVEN SHIPPED CABLOON)

Let’s start from the beginning. In some of the episodes, before I knew I kin cabby, I always had a little fascination towards balloon, his issues living with him for so long and how he still struggles to make a good image of himself was just. Cute to me (stop I KNOW you simp for objects too.. DONT DENY IT!!)

And at episode 17, after I found out I kin cabby, I started to like their interactions more, and since this ship was a HEAVY SELF INSERT, It somehow made sense.

They both struggled to gain a good image, they both had a toxic friendship in the past that got resolved, they both have TOO MUCH ISSUES, and they both act like each other so much it’s actually wild

None of us EVER cared to really analyze hidden relationships in the show, and this is actually a good example, if I never simped for balloon like the ‘loon’atic I am

*knee slap*

I would’ve NEVER noticed their cute feelings for each other

As much as I wanna continue talking, I feel like this ramble will never end, so I give you a cabloon doodle!

And I bid you farewell *bows dramatically*

#cabloon-analysis

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definitelynotshouting · 1 year ago

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hihiiii i was gonna start this with something but i forgor anyways ough. ough yuor hunger au. and the way you write the guyes. immaculate. spectacular. one might even say delicious. i binged the fic in one day and reread it over the next few days and. aughdhdkfh. ough. sorry. i’m kinda tired so words not wording but also. i want to word because this fic is so good. uh uh uh love the way you write tango he is just. peak guy love him and the head in hands ranchers make me want to explod. also i am soooo fucked up over grains relationship with scar bc like. relationships where the fundamental trust and love (not romantic) are prioritised even if they’re explicitly partners or anything are just. soooo compelling to me. and you do that with scarian and it drives me fucking insane. like. pointing violently at them. it’s so clear how much grein cares about all of the hermits and GOD HIM AND MYFNBO and. ok another trope/mechanic that i love love love that you did perfectly is like the. x thing amplifies existing emotions but doesn’t pull them out of nowhere thing. because that’s already similar to a hc i have for traffic smp red life mechanics (it’s a bit long so i won’t drop it all teehee) and it makes me so excited to see in literally anything because it’s so fucked in its own special way. the fact that they can’t even deny these feelings existed before but that they never would’ve acted on them because they’re just not that type of person so groan amplifying those emotions is jus. i don’t think i have spelled groan right once in this ramble i am so sorry lmao ok also xiauma. wet rag of a man. he is trying his best and for that he gets a gold star sticker on he helmet. and pearl ahdlagdkshdksdlah pearl is soooo. her and tilly head in hands head in hands head in motherfuckign hands her saying that graind doesn’t have a tilly and he DOESNT and wasugh i’m so excited for wherte this fic goes i’m so sorry for how rambly and streamyf consctionness this is i’m going to bed

have a lovely day take car eof your self drink water!!! drink water fright now!!!!!! ok i’m going to sleep now sorry ill maybe weight something more coherent when i’m not eepy so goodnight!!

HEY THIS IS SO SWEET OMG???? THANK YOU SO MUCH ANON IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE HUNGER AU, THIS MADE MY EVENING FR

#shouting speaks #asks #compliments #hunger au #anon im fjckkng losing it i literally said out loud ''how many times can they misspell grian in a single ask''#and the LJTERAL NEXT LINE WAS YOU SAYING THE SAME THING AKDHAKDBWKDNWKDJD #HOWLING #THE TIMING ON THAT WAS SUBLIME I WISH I HAD IT IN A VISUAL MEDIUM #anyway this is such a sweet message i hope you get tons of good sleep and i will in fact go drink some water rn!!!!#also to be clear i said the previous out loud thing with a LOT of fondness this is very endearing 2 me #long post #txt

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meerkatzthings · 3 months ago

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i woke up at 5 in the morning 😈😈 IM HYPPPPEEEEERRRRRR

i just woke up and im still really eepy sleepy lowkey 😞🙏🏽

#meerkatz 🍒#real #i love her sm #i’m so unbelievably in love with her #i’m so in love with her #i’m literally so in love with her i feel like im gonna explode #i love her so bad you don’t get it #i love her!!!1!1!1!1!!!!

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causenessus · 3 months ago

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hi my dearest loveliness !! good evening afternoon OR morning I HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOING WELL TODAY!! AND I HOPE YOUVE EATEN!! i literally just woke up (it’s 3pm…. my parents literally watched me come out of my room and were like ???)(you just woke up???)LMFAO BUT BUT i’m back to work tomorrow so i wanted to sleep in a lot today(I HAVE A 9-5:30 RIGHT OFF THE BAT)(MY WORK HATES ME??)but omg i just saw the ask from sav(sorry am i allowed to call her that too)(IM SORRY IDK) and i was like AWWWW “you and your mango anon” I AM NESS’ MANGO ANON idk why i thought it was so cute and sweet like YOU GIGGLE AND READ THEM?? THATS SO CUTE?? IM GONNA EXPLODE?? but let’s all yap together this is yap central(a safe place for yappers)

omg last night i got so many notifs if you answering every ask bat to bat and I FELT SO BAD BECAUSE I WROTE A LOT YESTERDAY BUT YOU STILL ANSWERED EACH ASK WITH LIKE SO SO MUCH PASSION??(idk if that’s the right word) but you always answer each ask with ur heart like non of it is halfassed(sorry am i allowed to swear)(IVE BEEN REFRAINING FROM SWEARING BECAUSE IDK I DONT THINK IVE SEEN YOU SWEAR OUTSIDE YOUR SMAUS???)(or idk i’m crazy i think i’m crazy)

I WOULD SHARE WHAT CONCERT IT WAS LIKE I WAS GOING TO but i was like omg i’m gonna dox myself LOL BUT actually you know what’s so funny i don’t even live in the states(LORE DROP) ALSO DECLAN MCKENNA?? THATS SO COOL THAT YOU GOT TO SEE HIM i think he’s on tour again right now?? or just performing right now (I THINK) im pretty sure i saw on ticketmaster! i would 100% go but literally my bank account is decreasing a little too much for my liking and it’s time to lock in and go ultra saving mode LOL BUT OMG MITSKI??? stop it if i was rich i would 100% fly over to your state and buy tickets for you and me and we could go together and have our losing dogs moment(on repeat by eggy always in my heart)(literally one of my fav smaus LOL)

ness i will read every single part of your response LITERALLY I WILL READ AND ABSORB EVERY PART SO do not worry your pretty little head(as i said this i imagined myself tapping your head with a pretty little fairy stick)BUT OMG ME AND YOU WORKING AT ILLEGAL AGES(actually actually hold on)okay because i started working my retail job when i was 15 but i was like a week away from turning 16 but they accepted me anyways? idk it’s kind of silly but i remember saying i was 15 but turning 16 in a “few days” (i think it was a week and a bit) and they were like mmmm okay! here’s your training days blah blah blah LOL listen i really wanted a job… i always felt bad asking my parents for money so i was like you know what ILL get my own money(here i am 2-3 years later still trapped in retail)also i totally get the hostess thing because my friend works at olive garden as a hostess and like it SOUNDS SO STRESSFUL? because like… you’re kinda in control of how much tips a person gets? (if that makes sense) and it just feels ITS TOO STRESSFUL FOR ME TO FANTOM LIKE i cant i feel like im too much of a people pleaser where id just be like oh! oh you don’t want this table? okay! oh i have you too many tables? i’m sorry! my bad! let me do it! ALSO IDK i hate fixed schedules like i like the random rotation every week LOL like it’s kinda a surprise!! like omg what days am i working today type of thing you know! BUT OMG THEM KEEPING YOU ON STANDBY IS CRAZY AFTER YOU QUIT LOL they love you so much they want to keep you <3 i can’t blame them <3 ness is a very lovable person <3 but restaurant environments are different from retail idk how you do it like I APPAUD YOU AND EVERY OTHER RESTAURANT WORKER because like dealing with hangry people everyday like… i already deal with impatient customers which make me wanna pull my hair like i remember one time during this rush we had everyone on cash like everyone on the tills right and this guy came up to my till and he’s like “yall need more workers” LIKE CANT YOU SEE EVERYONE ON THE TILLS RIGHT NOW??WE ARE TRYING OUR BEST !! and i was deadass like “haha sorry….. would you like a bag for 50 cents?”

ALSO YOURE SO BUSY WHAT?? your schedule is so jacked up HOW DO YOU DO IT??? like literally uni + job AND THEATRE??? and also the fact that you have more than one job?? PLS PLS PLS EAT AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF LOVE YOURE GONNA BURN OUT </3

omg if i worked lights with you it would’ve been so so so much better like i’m not discrediting the light people i worked with BUT it was the fact that they were a year younger right so they didn’t really know what they were doing since all our light crew graduated and for some reason people didn’t like doing lights as much? so they were just first years doing lights and i had to help out a bunch and kind of guide them BCUZ IDK WHY MY TECH TEACHER DIDNT DO IT RIGHT so i had to focus on sound PLUS helping the lights people which i don’t really mind too much when we’re just having rehearsals but like during shows i was a little more stressed because they weren’t that confident and was always asking just to make sure and it was 100% not their fault of course but I WAS STILL STRESSED and doing my hardest to help him while trying to also keep track of where the play was(sorry very messy)(i too am like you and i do NOT proof read these whatsoever) IF I COULD I WOULD DROP EVERYTHING AND FLY THERE !! we could be the light + sound duo because i literally miss my tech days like i lowkey thought about doing it in uni but IDK WHY I DIDNT !! I SHOULDVE !! also another suna smau would heal me (LMFAO NO PRESSURE) BUT I LITERALLY LOVE ALL OF INARIZAKI?? like they all have my heart(especially kita and osamu like oh my god)BUT OH MY GOD IF YOU DO I THINK ILL CRY LIKE “OMG THATS ME GUYS” “I AM MANGO ANON !!!” BUT you have sooooo much stuff lined up so DO NOT WORRY TOO MUCH!! what you’ve been giving right now (TRY AGAIN AND TONICS <333) is already so good like the idea and concepts AND IM SO EXCITED FOR THEM TOO AHH

THE CAST NOT BEINF ABLE TO PROJECT THEIR VOICES ARE SO REAL !!! maybe i’m just saying this because i only did plays in high school right so it was a bunch of kids right but it was soooo frustrating because like SPEAK UP but also the fact that some cast got better mics than others? like tell me why i can’t hear this lead but i can hear this random person playing a citizen like?? BUT LITERALLY WHEN MICS DIE I LITERALLY WANNA JUST FALL TO THE FLOOR LIKE and the director is just like “keep going” LIKE DONT KEEP GOING WHAT? I CANT HEAR? like i literally feel like i have to focus my energy like some type of anime character to my ears just to hear a SNIPPET of what they’re saying but then sometimes i get in trouble for missing cues </3 LIKE I’M SORRY IT ISNT MY FAULT LIKE MAYBE GET BETTER SPEAKERS AND MICS?? also not you literally running the whole tech crew like rewiring the motherboard and climbing stuff like ness mvp tech girl LOL BUT I GET NOT WANTING TO THINK ABOUT THOSE TIMES LIKE i swear all tech/cast crew environments are SO toxic like i literally remember one of the cast fainting because like we literally got no breaks at all so she was probably overwhelmed with the lighting and everything else then that’s when the director was like ok… let’s take a break like YOU THINK??

ALSO YOURE SO RIGHT if the previous men i’ve talked to is on tumblr reading cutesy little haikyuu x femreader stuff THEN THATS ANOTHER PROBLEM(NO STOP I LITERALLY GIGGLED SO HARD WHEN YOU SAID THAT LOL)(everytime i read your responses im always smiling and giggling like i always reread it too LOL) but omg ness… the quarantine online gaming breakout season is such a canon event like BECAUSE ME TOOOOO LOL(we are so soulmates) mine was a mix of minecraft and roblox and I LITERALLY MET A WHOLE GROUP ONLINE TOO IT WAS CRAZY the ptsd flashbacks is so real but THATS SO GIRLBOSS OF YOU LIKE YES!! CALL MEN OUT ON THEIR SHIT!!(sorry swearing again) BE NO MANS PEACE!! i will literally find him and politely beat him up for you <333 TIME FOR LORE DROP AND IF THE PERSON READS THIS THEN ??? WELL ??? oh well LOL but anyways so i was in this little online group idk i kind of just found them through twitter and i was like WHY NOT so i became friends with this guy he went by socks(discord names are so real)and like we got really close right and like he was the only person i really VC’d with (AND AND TO BE FAIR I THINK ITS BECAUSE WE WERE LIKE THE BABIES OF THE GROUP) like we were the same age while everyone else was like 19-25ish now(idk what i was doing hanging out with them as a minor but oh well)(i’m 18 now so it’s ok!)(but i literally don’t talk to any of them now LOL)but i remember this one specific conversation where he was like teaching me spanish?? because i don’t know i was teaching him viet too so it was just a silly little thing and i translated it(this was through texts like i still have the screenshot LOL) and he basically confessed to me through text in spanish right then afterwards they were like JK JK JK!! IDK idk if it was real or not but we drifted a lot after that so idk! sock if ur out there !! im sorry !! to be fair though they didn’t give me a chance to reply because i had to translate it then when i came back to the chat they were like IM JK IM JK SO idk! I GUESS WE’LL NEVER KNOW!! also i will def report back when i get a poke bowl but im very very picky about the way i eat raw fish bevause sometimes it’s okay but when there’s an overwhelming amount i kind of get scared and im like hmmm maybeeee.. not this time… LOL It really depends for me!! but maybe ill try the imitation crab one if i see it!

AND UR SO RIGHT ONE DAY I WILL COME TO YOU AND I WILL BE UR GUARD DOG AT WORK !!! i’m glad yesterday was better! hopefully it keeps getting better, i will fight off the bad omens for you ness i will stand in the front lines fighting them off I COULD NEVER BE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU but i will be a tiny tiny bit upset because I WANT YOU TO EAT WELL AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF !! eggs and toast is so real but don’t worry :( a meal is a meal and you did good by getting up and making yourself something small! little steps are okay, i will be here along the way so don’t worry! take your time <333 I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT REST OF YOUR DAY!! (it literally took me an hour to write this because now it’s 4:30)(BUT i did eat in between writing) I HAD RICE AND CHICKEN YIPPPPEE!! i had to take a little break to eat then i continued writing LOL(but so real on saying ill go back but you never do because … me too)(i’m too lazy to look back on what i wrote so ill just trust myself) (mango anon loves you very much pls take care of yourself) (ALSO) i just realized i could make the font smaller (thank you again sav for the idea) so it would be easier to scroll pass these LOL BUT ANYWAYS MAKE SURE TO EAT AND REST WELL !!! xoxoxoxo

HELLO MY LOVE!!! MY DAY WAS PRETTY OKAY!! BESIDES THE CAR CRISIS OFC 😭😭 AND PLEASE WAKING UP AT 3PM IS SO REAL I'VE DONE THAT BEFORE </33 AND ESPECIALLY IF U WORK A 9-5:30 TOMORROW DEFINITELY GET ALL THE SLEEP YOU CAN GET!! REST UP AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF PLS <3 MAKE SURE TO DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND BRING PLENTY WITH YOU TOMORROW AND PLEASE EAT!! and don't apologize at all you're def okay to call sav sav as well (i'm pretty sure!!) AND YOU ARE MY MANGO ANON <33 AND I LOVE U SM!! AND I LOVE UR PARANTHESES LMAO THEY'RE SO CUTE <3 YES YAP CENTRAL!!

AND omg mango anon i just have to tell you like how honored i am <3 like i feel so seen by you!! the way you see the passion in my writing and like notice that i don't curse outside of my writing pls :(( my face is literally going :((( rn /pos i try not to curse outside of my writing just bc it's not my thing!! but ofc you can and like sometimes i still do!! definitely do whatever you want AND SORRY FOR ALL THE NOTIFS YESTERDAY AND TODAY SINCE I'M DOING THE SAME THING LMAO 😭 i'm the one that lets them bunch up so dw about them at all!! and mango anon i genuinely love talking and replying to you so so much AND I'M REALLY SO THANKFUL FOR EVERY ASK FROM ANYONE SO OFC I'LL BE ANSWERING IT WITH PASSION!! I GET WHAT YOU MEAN ENTIRELY AND I'M GLAD THAT GETS ACROSS WELL <3 I JUST APPRECIATE YOU ALL SM <3

AND YOU DEF DON'T HAVE TO SAY WHAT CONCERT YOU WENT TO!! I WAS WORRIED ABOUT LIKE THAT DOXXING U OR SOMETHING bc i had no idea you didn't live in the states!!! i definitely automatically assumed that and that maybe u had went to a different state since we were in the same timezone for a little bit but that makes total sense and that was my bad for assuming 😭😭 BUT AA YES!! I'D LOVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN AND MAYBE I WILL <3 LIKE HIS TICKETS DEF ARE NOT BAD PRICING AND HE'S AMAZING!!! i'm just insanely broke and like ik he's touring with sabrina carpenter rn or something??? which is super cool and good for him!! and sabrina's cool but i don't think i'd enjoy or be able to afford her concerts 😭 and that's okay!! maybe my tickets were cheap the time i went to see him bc it was a little more niche <3 AND AAA YES I WISH WE COULD SEE MITSKI TOGETHER!! the entire crowd would be in tears over i bet on losing dogs like that's our national anthem FRFR!!!!

I WAS IMAGINING THE PRETTY LITTLE FAIRY STICK WITH U thank you for tapping my head <33 AND I ALSO READ ABSORB EVERYTHING U TELL ME SO PLEASE YAP AS MUCH AS YOU WANT!! AND DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT SMALL FONT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO <3 YOU DO WHATEVER YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEART DESIRES!!! (i am giving ur heart a kiss rn mwah <3) BUT PLEASE THE ILLEGAL JOBS FR SOME PLACES BE CRAZY AND THEY STILL GET AWAY WITH IT!!! BUT YOU GET IT EXACTLY like at the restaurant i often work at we often just have a rotation with no server sections bc it's pretty small (i'd only be forced to do sections when i worked with my manager who made me want to DIE and made me cry once i literally ran out and cried next to a steakhouse across from us) and so basically i just sit people at random tables (i always ask them like "is this table okay?" and i'm not really asking them like girl i have better things to be doing than escorting you around this restaurant trying to see what table tickles your fancy the best. i just ask them so i don't sound super forward like "THIS IS YOUR TABLE SUCK IT UP." yk??) and whoever's turn it is next, they get it so i'll tell them like "table three for two people" so like I REALLY DO NOT CONTROL WHAT CUSTOMERS A SERVER GETS BUT THEY ALL COME AND COMPLAIN AT ME FOR HOW BAD THEIR TABLES ARE (probably bc they're trying to guilt trip me or be passive aggressive) BUT LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT?? I'M NOT PURPOSELY GIVING PEOPLE BAD OR GOOD TABLES LIKE 😭😭 and i'm sure it's even worse at places like olive garden which are way bigger! and you have to work with other hosts and more people so best of luck to your friend she's doing amazing <3 AND YOU GET IT!! LIKE IT'D PROABABLY BE NICE TO HAVE A FIXED SCHEDULE BUT ALSO I COULDN'T DO IT I LOVE BEING SCHEDULED ON RANDOM DAYS EVERY WEEK I NEVER KNOW WHAT'S COMING also the guy who told you you guys needed more workers??? THANK YOU SIR FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS!! I HAD NO IDEA, LET ME, JUST A PERSON WHO WORKS HERE, NOT A MANAGER OR ANYTHING, GO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! IN FACT, WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT ON AN APRON AND START HELPING SINCE WE NEED MORE WORKERS!! CONGRATS YOU'RE HIRED!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON 😭 I ALREADY FEEL SO BURNT OUT I'M REALLY HOPING THINGS WILL CALM DOWN AFTER SEPTEMBER IG (WHEN I STOP WORKING TWO JOBS) OR BY NOVEMEBER AT LEAST (WHEN THEATRE IS OVER) BUT WE'LL SEE </3 i'm sure things will continue to come up but i fr just want to lay down and sleep until 3pm like u did today 😔😔 that sounds so nice </3

AND PLEASE WHY IS YOUR TECH THEATRE STORIES THE SAME AS MINE like i was a run and props kid until my school's musical sophomore year where we got these three boys who all wanted to do tech and we had too many run and props kids so i was like "yk what. let me go to lights so that hopefully u three can be together" which didn't even work out bc one of the boys got thrown into lights with me while the other two were on run and props but were on opposite wings LMAO and so that was my first show doing lights which i did board op for because it was also our last show of the year which was also our like senior who knew everything about lights' last show so after that she GRADUATED and i was the one left to figure everything out 😭😭 and then the year after we lost our senior that knew everything about sound so my senior year was a STRUGGLE omg...bad times. but then i left that department a mess bc i could no longer care. like that lights kid wanted my job so badly? fine, fend for urself bro i'm not teaching u anything (sorry i am spiteful against that kid still LMAO) I ALSO THOUGHT ABOUT DOING TECH IN UNI!! my junior year i was fully planning to go to school to get a bfa for lighting design (new grounds was such a self insert for me LMAO) and my tech director literally pushed me to do it but then i decided i really did not want to be in these toxic stressful environments for the rest of my life 😭 BUT IF I HAD YOU!!! I DEF ACTUALLY WOULDN'T MIND <3 WE WOULD BE THE BEST DUO EVER I KNOW IT!! WE'D BOTH KNOW HOW TO DO OUR JOBS AND THAT WOULD BE LITERALLY GROUND BREAKING!! i mean even just reading ur stories i could feel the stress of like managing EVERYTHING i am so sorry for u mango anon but i am with u completely and from one tech mother to another, thank u for ur services 🫡 (i say tech mother bc WOMEN IN STEM!! in my entire four years of high school our top of the mill techies were always girls until we had this one run and props guy ruin it 🙄 he's actually the same guy who i used to like and the one who my mutual friend tried to get us to go to prom together but like i would NEVER UGHGHGH sorry he's also so frustrating to deal with i need to stop thinking about those times and this is exactly why i didn't actually go into theatre for school LMAOO) BUT YES AAA!! I WILL UPDATE YOU ON THE SUNA TECH SMAU AND I LOVE ALL OF INARIZAKI TOO <33333 haruichi furudate really put his whole budget into that team like please everyone on there is so pretty and beautiful and amazing and pookie shaped i love them sm <33 AND LOWKEY i was feeling like a stage manager reader (probably usually audio head but is stage managing this show) x lights head suna...bc i think that'd just be a crazy dynamic of her lowkey being in a higher position than him and he's just teasing and messing with her the whole time..BUT IDK and ik like theatre works differently in college but THIS IS MY WORLD AND WRITING SO I'LL DO WHAT I WANT!! i also have absolutely nothing actually planned out for the smau so who even knows LMAO THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME TO TAKE MY TIME </3 THERE'S DEFINITELY SO MUCH I NEED TO DO AND TOO LITTLE TIME UEFBIEWIOEGLN

BUT I'M GLAD U HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCES WITH PEOPLE NOT STRUGGLING we did this one horror play (which was SUCH a mess. okay let me just say this. our stage manager full on just gave up like halfway thru and would sit next to me reading vampire books and so same lights kid that kept trying to steal my job decided that it was "UP TO HIM" to save the show HIS WORDS EXACTLY I REMEMBER HEARING ABOUT THIS when literally the entire show was going fine and so basically he was like overthrowing our stage manager and was taking it upon himself to stage manage instead and give cues and just OMG THAT SHOW WAS A MESS BUT ANYWAY) and our main character just would NOT project like she was always cranky the musical we did that year she would just not sing or talk and we were like bro...ur in a musical BUT ANYWAY she wouldn't project we literally ended up hanging a mic and putting a little speaker in the booth so we could hear her bc like it was so important that we heard her lines but we couldn't when we were in a booth behind four windows and a closed door 😭😭

AND HELP YOUR ONLINE STORIES??? I GIGGLED READING ABOUT HIM TEACHING YOU SPANISH AND YOU TEACHING HIM VIET BUT ALSO THE ENTIRE FRIEND GROUP BEING OLDER WHEN YOU WERE A MINOR WAS CRAZY BUT I CAN'T EVEN JUDGE BC THAT WAS ME TOO 😭😭 I FEEL LIKE THAT'S HOW IT ALWAYS IS FOR ME I'M LIKE ALWAYS ONE OF THE YOUNGEST PEOPLE IN A FRIEND GROUP but i cannot imagine what that guy was thinking (i LOVE DISCORD NAMES HOLD ON LET ME GO FIND THE NAME OF MY GUY i think he changed it bc it's froge now...but ANYWAY IT WAS SOMETHING LAME AND SO WAS HIS ROBLOX USER IT WAS PROBABLY SOMETHING LIKE DARK KNIGHT IDK) but i cannot imagine the stress socks was going thru </33 i bet he sent that and then u were like "oh let me go translate it!" and then he was like "OMG SHE DIDN'T RESPOND AND SHE WENT OFFLINE SHE HATES ME" and just flipped and said "jk" bc THERE'S NO WAY THAT WAS JUST A JOKE LIKE U DO NOT TEACH PEOPLE CONFESSIONS LIKE DID THE TAMING OF THE SHREW TEACH U PEOPLE NOTHING THAT IS SO OLD SCHOOL!! (i also never proofread these and just go on tangents and for that, i am sorry </3)

BUT I ALSO DON'T LIKE RAW FISH DW AT ALL!! like they have a hawaiian poke bowl too or something with all raw tuna and i'm like...yeah i'm good actually... and so my only other choice is imitation crab unfortunately 😭 BUT I HOPE YOU FIND SOMETHING GOOD AND LIKE IT!!

MANGO ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND IT WAS SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU <3 I ATE A BAGEL HALFWAY THROUGH THIS AS WELL (you can probably tell when i started eating it bc i was only typing with my left hand and probably didn't use as many crying emojis for a bit LMAO) AND I LOVE TALKING TO YOU!! I LOVE YOU <3 AND I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL!! I LOVE CHICKEN AND RICE AND I WILL MAKE SURE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AS LONG AS YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SHIFT TOMORROW!! <3

#IT'S MIDNIGHT NO </3 #i should sleep unfortunately </3 #I WANTED TO WRITE BC IT'S THUNDERING AND RAINING LIKE CRAZY RN #BUT IT'LL ALSO BE NICE TO SLEEP THROUGH IT #I LOVE YOU MANGO ANON!! CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR FROM U NEXT UR SO AMAZING <3 #answers <3 #mango anon <3

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moonchildstyles · 2 years ago

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uh okay okay thank u very much!! and uh.. i know this is probably way too bold since im new here but all these horny asks im a little… and someone mentioned “filling up” and prosecco h and… i’m so so sorry i can’t stop thinking about him pushing in and out of her veeeery slowly and she’s like h please 🥺 and we’re on the teasing game right so he would be smirking cause he’s giving it to her but at the same time not and just yeah baby just wanna be full of me hm? 😔 and maybe now he made a little pause only the t*p inside and she’s like yes yes yes please 🥺 and he oh pretty please yeah? gonna be my princess and take it all for me hm? 😔 and he takes it out a little and rubs on her like up and down slow circles😔 and she’s nodding very fast so he slowly pushes in and stretches her and it’s all so good their mouths hanging open she just feels soo full and lowy whines coming from her and when he’s fully inside like that’s it pretty that’s my girl 😔 all full of me now, hm? that’s what u wanted right? 😔and they’re going at it and it’s soo filthy but he’s also so sweet like pounding into her and giving her cheeks little kisses the little hairs on his face tickling her neck 😔 i could also mention how if they were going bare he would just yeah love doing so good gonna take all my c*m too hm? but i’m actually gonna sit down and humble myself i’m feeling very inappropriate rn 🌸

okay SORRY about the ask i just sent idk what is happening okay !!! u don’t need to post it if you don’t feel comfortable i just… im gonna explode and i totally blame the other anons. hope u have a great day moonie 🌸

you are..........you have a vision that is so true and correct and im literally feeling so clinically insane like having her promise that she'll take it that she really means it:( "you really want all of me baby? want my whole cock pretty?" and the pretty please and wet eyes and gasps would be soooooo everything to him like he would wish he could take a picture :( and it goes from that slow teasing and the bit w his just tip in or something to literally just pounding her into the mattress w her eyes closed and letting him kiss all over and he would love to kiss her pretty mouth but shes moaning to much :( can't kiss him back like this:( but maybe he gets a little giggle from her w the way his hair tickles her:( but it melts away so quick w a snap of his hips against hers:( but oh ymg GOD GOING BARE:(((((((((((((( having her promise to take all of his cum and hold it for him :(

#anon #ask #🌸 anon #prosecco inspo #concept #the princess name means something to me internally #I know is controversial but I fuckign love it

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murphallo · 2 years ago

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Hi, I totally understand your disappointment in how chenford got together. I too thought it was going to take something dramatic for them to finally be together, something like DOD.

Lucy spent 5 seasons not dating cops because of Bishop's advice about her reputation and career. I thought that would play a big part on her hesitation to start a relationship with Tim. But it wasn't even mentioned lol.

And Tim always seemed super aware of the fact that he was Lucy's superior at work, he even listed that as an obstacle in his conversation with Lopez. But then he and Lucy got together and Tim seemed to forget that it's a problem. A "Lucy Lesson" was needed to remind him it's an issue.

But I can't say I'm suprised. The Rookie can set up interesting conflicts and then drop them like hot potatoes. I mean, Ashley says she never wants to have kids and Tim is just "oh well, okay then", and keeps dating her until *she* breaks up with him lol. I mean, what was the point of that?

no LITERALLY bro like…

like bro if i wanted to see a ship get together the way chenford did, i would specialize in fast burns. i get into slow burns bc my ooey gooey hopeless romantic bleeding heart likes to see the moment where it all comes together. now, i will say, i never really wanted chenford to have the near death confession just bc i think it’s been done to death and they’re both in near death experiences like everyday. i personally think it would’ve been interesting to see an arc where they think they’ll lose each other and have to confront what their lives might be like without the other person and they don’t wanna do that yada yada, like jisbon, (yes i’ll be comparing chenford’s get together to jisbon’s for the foreseeable future). what i didn’t think would get them together was like one blurted line that made no sense and riddled the story with plot holes

as for the work thing………… if i think too long about how the work boundary has been handled, my brain might actually explode lol like… the work thing was their BIGGEST boundary and not only did they give 0 shits about it when getting together but they solved it in one episode over what was basically a prank like… i have a pet peeve in slow burns and it’s when i feel like they probably could’ve gotten together forever ago and i really thought all their story was building up to something but if he was just gonna ask her out on a bench outside work in broad daylight and they were gonna solve the work boundary in one episode via prank, i would’ve just wished they did that after her rookie year. that’s another problem with how they got together like fr if it was gonna be that simple why not just get them together between 3x10 and 4x02 when they were both single and there was no work boundary or if there was it would’ve been significantly weaker like… and im saying that as someone who loved s4 😭 i really did love s4 and how 5a was going before 508 and now it all feels so pointless idk

as for the alt s4 love interests……….. oh boi…… okay so. one thing about me. when it comes to fiction… i love me some emotional cheating like it hits every time lol so was it fun to see tim and lucy carry on with 0 respect for their relationships even though i knew they were being terrible people?? hell yeah. but like… when there’s a REASON. i do not understand the purpose of either of those two being in 5a. let’s start with chris. okay so chenford would’ve hooked up in 501 if chris didn’t almost get killed and lucy stayed with him out of guilt? right? that i could understand. but THEN 508 happened and the haunting words of “if we do this” left lucy’s mouth. now…………. if she knew tim wanted to be with her romantically (which is a whole other thing bc bitch how) her staying with chris is absolutely hilarious. her justification for staying with chris was that if she got with tim it might not work out but brother… forgive me if i’m remembering incorrectly, no one was holding a gun to lucy’s head and threatening to shoot if she didn’t get with tim as soon as she broke up with chris. it’s completely out of character TO ME for lucy to stay in a relationship she wasn’t happy in bc she was scared to be with tim. like… lucy is not allergic to being single, i do not GET IT. like if chris died in 501 and lucy was too riddled with guilt to date the guy she was about to cheat on him with, i would ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND THAT but this is outrageous.

now onto ashley……… hooooooooo ashley…. okay like….. it’s hard to verbalize how fucking inane the inclusion of ashley was to me… like just goofy. silly. unserious. if tim didn’t realize his feelings for lucy until 422 or 501, it is, TO ME, COMPLETELY out of character for tim to lead ashley on knowing he’d prefer to be with someone else. that’s why i honestly still didn’t think he realized he wanted to be with lucy even after 501 because like… you’re telling me TIM BRADFORD stayed in a relationship with someone telling him she was in love with him knowing he was severely interested in someone else?? that’s never been tim like omg. did he almost cheat on her a lil? yeah <3 but like idk there was a whole ass time jump and he stayed with ashley that whole time that is CRAZY. i didn’t want either breakup to be off screen but honest to god, if they knew they were about to get chenford together, i would’ve preferred an offscreen breakup during the time jump over an onscreen breakup THREE EPISODES BEFORE getting chenford together like omg OMG

*woosah break*

anyone who’s heard my rants (and it’s been a LOT) know that the episode i have the most beef with is 506. because like… we know tim probably didn’t care that much for ashley (despite the whole ass year relationship and debating retirement to travel with her but i digress) and it’s a common supposition that he was more wounded by the way she dumped him than losing her. sure, whatever, let’s go forward with that assumption. but you know who didn’t know none of that shit? LUCY. from her pov, it wasn’t that long ago that tim said he could see himself marrying ashley and we know lucy took that to heart. and then in 506, lucy finds out tims been moping for a week because they broke up (and specifically ASHLEY dumped HIM) but she’s still confident enough that tim us really into her for the “if we do this” like… and if the uc op brought up real actual romantic feelings between them, i would understand, but it didn’t. it brought up horny. it brought up that tim was sexually attracted to her. which… correct me if i’m wrong… she knew that… long before the uc op… so lucy spending an adrenaline filled weekend with tim with makeouts required and then he’s like “aye im feeling a lil something” does not equal feelings and i personally feel like lucy wouldn’t have made that leap like that when he was like… with someone. idk like… if i could take out any episodes in the 5a sad excuse for an arc, it’d definitely be the episode where lucy witnessed tim moping over his fresh ex for like two days and then blurted out that they like each other two episodes later.

so yeah the timing, the supposed trigger, the other love interests… no matter how you try to spin it, you will never ever get me like “oh no that definitely made sense” bc no matter how you look at it shit was dumb lol

#chenford #murphallo #murphallo asks

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evermeant · 1 year ago

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carmy thoughts as I watch ep 2 (these will not be coherent I just don’t want to spam)

okay carmy so hot this episode ……

I forgot this was the inspector episode …. This episode absolutely famous

okay I need a shirt for the beef rn I’m gonna order one literally asap

Every moment. Of carmy and Richie banter extents my lifespan okay. Okay

sydney is soooooooo autistic I love her so dearly ….

YOU DROVE IN THIS MORNING!!!!!!!!!

I love how carmy is like. Stuck in this weird position of having this goofy little family run business that is held together by duct tape. He wants it to be a real business but he can’t move too fast and it’s just so real

c for carmy :(((

I love you fak….. I love you so much…….

something about Richie and Carmy both desperately trying to impress Mikey and do right by him. “he made everyone think they were his best friend” and. Yeah. Both of them feeling like they were Mikey’s. They have to do this.

“I graduated with a c” FAK I LOVE YOUUUUUUUU

I do really have a lot of feelings about Richie and Mikey’s relationship and how much of that we haven’t seen. Was Richie kept at arm’s length too? I dunno. I wonder if he felt like he was running things even when Mikey was around.

This is such a good Richie ep :(( the call with his daughter makes me want to sob literally every fucking time man. Just the way he softens and he’s trying so hard. He’s really trying :((

I dunno. Do you think Richie and carmy were always fighting for Mikey’s attention and after he’s gone are fighting to be the one to keep his legacy going. Idk idk idk idk!!!!!!!

whenever someone calls him carm. I want to explode. such a cute nickname. I want to call him chicken carm

The desperation in his voice when he tells his sister about how he almost burnt down the apartment. When he says it happens sometimes.

I KNOW TONS OF PEOPLE WHO CRY OUT OF NOWHERE IM FJFNFKFNGKG

carmy just admitting to all these extreme issues very casually over the phone to his sister is just so him… also why was he throwing up all the time someone please get this man in therapy

carmy willing to give up everything he has including his own personal health just to give people something. to make people happy. he will do anything for love and adoration

the fact that Richie sees the note. Throws it down. The feeling of rejection knowing that Mikey was thinking about carmy instead of him even though richie was the one that stayed. It’s fine!!! I’m fine!!!!!

carmy’s obsessive need to be perfect being what leads to the mistake. whatever!!!!! it’s fine!!!!!! I’m fine truly

did I mention he looks so good

#out.#kc watches the bear

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unriding · 2 months ago

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very messy word dump below the cut + in tags :^) heh

okay it’s officially been a full day since reading this and i’m going to write down everything i remember feeling from day 1! and then in the tags im going to reread this (for the third time within 24 hours) and add thoughts that i didn’t put down here. SORRY FOR THE MESS & NO PRESSURE TO READ ALL THIS SJKDMF IT IS JUST A LOT OF WORD VOMIT BC IM INSANE OVER THIS FIC

okay i should start from the beginning. Wait I’ll use caps so it’s easier to read if you’re reading it bahahhaa OKAY. The way you write alpha / omega!!! It’s different from what I’m used to reading— and I mean it has a lot of a depth. The way you wrote reader being an alpha = being so protective over Aventurine fucked me up so bad /pos. Reader just wants him safe and they’re so real for that.

Going off on that, I LOVE HOW U WROTE THE READER. Understands Aventurine so well. Will literally do anything to keep him safe. Understands what sets him off and what he’s comfortable with. The part where Aventurine was talking about the next mission & reader seeing right through him ): are you serious /pos. WAIT I SKIPPED TOO FAR AHEAD. When Aventurine was trying to get reader to join the IPC? Dead. Evie DEAD. Reader saw right through him omg. Being able to notice the little changes in his scent, the way he tries to mask it etc etc. I love that so bad.

WHEN READER FOUND HIM IN HEAT FUUUCK. ARE YOU SERIOUS /pos. Fighting the urge to help him vs waiting to just make it better because reader has the power to ): I loved that so much. The struggle was so real. Literally bringing a doctor just to hear that he needs an alpha to help anyways omg. Lowkey when the doctor said that I was like PLEASE LET US HELP YOU PLEASEEEEEEE. But also. I didn’t want him to be scared either you know ):

I skipped over another scene sighs. THE part where reader said ‘I like your eyes because they’re yours” and then the end. Him saying he likes our scent because it’s ours. Are you serious /pos. Be so serious /pos.

Okay the scent gland scenes actually fucked me up so bad (I unfortunately did not dream about anything but maybe that is for the best because I’m still recovering from this scene). The part where he asks for just the wrist. Reader struggling when they FEEL HIS TEETH GRAZE THE WRIST IM GONNA EXPLODE OMFG. The immediate pulling away because we don’t want to scare him please. + the scent gland scene at the end. HE DIDN’T FEEL LIKE HE HAD TO BE ON TOP. We could lay side by side ): I was so happy that he was okay with that omg. Literally all giddy like aaaaa!!!!!! IM NOT A THREAT!! Actually that’s a lie I wasn’t giddy. I was literally in tears jejdkckckckk Aventurine 😭😭 ughhhhhhh /pos

I won’t comment on the actual scene (I am commenting on it right now actually) because I was literally so sad and my heart hurt so badly for him. I wanted him to see himself from our POV for just one moment so he can understand that we genuinely love him and treasure him & want to keep him safe. ):

ABOUT YOUR WRITING ITSELF : insanity. I will just say insanity. How should I put it in words….. just thinking about this fic again is taking all the words out of my mouth shejdjfjj (I say this as I type a 27738 page essay about it). I love how you write. I really do. Your writing style is so beautiful. I haven’t read the other tags under your fic but I’m sure many others have said the same thing!!! They word it better than me I’m sure bsjsjsjsjsk

I just love everything about it. How you add in little details (oh! Speaking of details— Aventurine’s reaction to reader cozying up to her husband in the other fic) HEJDJJDJDJ omg. But in this fic, the little signs of him being scared. Scared 24/7 actually ): I love how you conveyed his fear so much. And the way he tries so hard to hide it. HIM CRUMBLING DOWN TO HIS RAW SELF WHEN HES IN HEAT. AND THE FEAR THERE TOO. INSANE.

^^ How you wrote him so adamant about not needing help at first …. To him asking for the scent gland ….. to him agreeing to use reader. It was all so real. He didn’t just change his mind like oh okay! It took him a while to be okay with it and I love how real it all felt. You write dialogue & little details so well— it actually drives me nuts (/compliment /pos)

Oh this just reminded me. Your description of how Aventurine smells killed me /pos. And how you describe his scent as sweet. I’m really not okay /pos. It fits him so well. And … for reader…. the scent after rain ? Oh my god ???? I love that smell so much. It’s so comforting…. OMG. COMFORTING????????? BECAUSE. Oh wow. I’m really not okay now. I JUST LOVE ALL THE DETAILS LIKE THAT )))): it’s so clear you put so much thought into all these things because your fic has so much depth. I lowkey yanked out Notibility for your other Aventurine fic to highlight the parts I wanted to comment on ehdjdkkck I was annotating it like a book (I’m so sorry if this is creepy I promise I don’t do this on a regular basis. I don’t annotate fics normally. Actually please disregard this because I’m a bit red admitting this) (I just have the memory of a goldfish and can only remember feelings and not actual content) (That’s a lie because here I am remembering a lot of this fic MOST LIKELY BECAUSE I READ IT WITH MY EYES AN INCH FROM THE SCREEN PROBABLY I WAS LIKE O_O) /pos

NIGHT FLOWER: part i

Your place in the world was one of a tool. This was true of every slave: you were all things to be used. Kakavasha understood this about you, and he understood this about himself. It was how he survived all those years ago, and it’s how he survives now. And so, when Aventurine goes into his first heat in years and decides to suffer it alone, you can only think of one way to get him to accept your help: You offer to let him use you.

written for @/lorelune's spring fever collab & @ficsforgaza

13.5k words of omegaverse, mutual pining, hurt/comfort, angst with an eventual happy ending. gn alpha reader + omega aventurine (they each have both amab and afab genitalia). explicit piv sex, reader bottoms, the sex is consensual but emotionally complicated and deeply sad. cw slavery, racism, gendered violence, including very brief and non-graphic (but direct) references to sexual abuse during slavery. the sa and slavery are not eroticized. dead dove do not eat, mdni.

thank you to @acerathia, @minnaci, @owlespresso for all your help with beta reading and to @kosmiccarma for brainstorming omega aventurine hcs!

“I’ve alw███ l█ved ███, Ka██v█s███”

You knew it from the moment you met him.

Gaunt, pallid, weighed down by heavy chains. Irises that glowed like the auroras back in your world. Delicate features that made every passerby in the market stop to read the description on the placard. (Sigonian, it said, although you couldn’t read at the time. Avgin. Male. Omega. Sixteen years old. Sixty Tanba, no tax.) He had an all-consuming scent that was impossible to ignore—one that possessed you, made your heels dig into the dirt, every atom in your body resisting the impatient jerk of the chains at your wrist. Even through your muzzle, through the perpetual stench of carbon-steel and blood, you could smell it: honey and wildflowers. A fragrance that settled deep within you, flooded you with a warmth that felt like home.

Aventurine is not a spiritual person. He once told you this, his smile cold in the glow of an artificial moon. He'd been deeply religious as a child, but hasn’t since cared for fairy tales about fortune and fate, three-eyed goddesses or merciful rainfalls. Hasn't thought about anything like a destined love. He thinks the idea of a true mate is laughable, that no such bond could ever be forged between an omega and an alpha. That nothing so unconditional could ever exist.

You know differently, of course. You've known it from the moment you met him, from the second you laid eyes on him and thought, I need to help you, and I need to protect you, and I need you to be safe, and you’d never once heard the word ‘love’ in your life—slaves are never loved by their masters, after all, and you'd always been nothing but a slave—but every atom of your being knew that you loved him, that you'd always love him.

And when your master cradled your face that night and crooned that he owned you, that you'd always be his obedient, alpha pet—for the first time in your life, you knew that he was wrong.

You didn't belong to your slaver.

You belonged to him.

To Kakavasha.

These days, Aventurine does not smell like honey, and your jaw is not restrained.

Your muzzle was one of the first things that Aventurine threw away when he bought your freedom. According to the Amber Era system, it had been several months since the murder of your shared master. Ninety-five Star Calendar days after the Interastral Peace Corps had arrested Kakavasha. An entire rotation around the black hole at the centre of your wretched galaxy, all of which had been spent in the captivity of some new mistress. She picked you out because she liked your calming scent and the look of your face, but mostly she used you for the fighting pits just like your old master.

Aventurine had been sitting in the audience of your final match, then bought you out right after you won. “I’m in need of a fighter,” he’d said, smiling in his thick furs and jewels. He played the part of a slavemaster perfectly, his gloved hands wandering the span of your aching shoulders, touching the bloodied maw of your mask. “And I’d be willing to pay top credit for yours.”

She protested. You were her most prized possession, one of her greatest investments. Slaves from your planet were hard enough to come by—alphas capable of reproduction, nearly impossible. And you were so well-behaved, so poised, so endearing in a way that was rare for alphas. She was fond of you. Her omega slaves were fond of you too. They would be distraught if you left, and that would complicate her household affairs—and surely Aventurine, as a respectable owner of human capital like herself, could understand how inconvenient that would be?

Aventurine bared his teeth in a gracious smile. (You’d never seen Kakavasha make such an expression before—so disarming, so cunning, a crescent moon beneath snake eyes. He’d never smelt like this either, like an expensive cologne layered with bleach, and it left you feeling nauseous, wondering if he was ill.) He flirted his way into her good graces, made her an offer she couldn’t refuse, and then he brought you into the first-class ship on which he’d arrived. You were so stunned by its luxury—the handwoven carpets, the crushed velvet seats, the imported tea from several galaxies away and the custom-ordered outfit he had bought for you—that you nearly missed the tremble in his hands as he punched numbers into the remote control lock for your chains.

He had regained his composure by the time he pulled away your muzzle, though. He threw it carelessly to the ground—your titanium chains, too. Then kicked both away with his shined leather shoes.

“There,” Aventurine said, smiling cheerfully. “Much better, don’t you think?”

“Vasha—” you started, voice thick with wasted grief, and all you wanted to was reach for him, to double check that he was real, but he placed a finger to your lips and stopped you. You stiffened at the satin touch, but he seemed unbothered.

“‘Aventurine’,” he corrected.

You stared blankly. “What?”

“‘Aventurine’. Like the gemstone. That’s my name now.”

“You—” Your voice caught in your throat. You realized that you’d been holding your breath. You always had the habit of holding your breath in the luxurious, private rooms of very rich men, because you never liked what happened in them. Forcing yourself to breathe, you asked, “You gave yourself a new name?”

“No. The IPC gave me a new name. They gave me a job, too.”

“A job?” you asked, voice faint. Now that you were breathing again, you were noticing once more just how bizarre he smelled. Sterile and expensive and completely foreign. “You’re free now?”

“Well, I’m a freedman, but I don’t know if I’d call myself free. I’m a bit… indebted to the IPC, let’s say. But that’s fine. I can’t complain. I mean—look around. This beats the fighting pits, doesn’t it?” He gestured lazily at your surroundings, and you nodded.

“It’s nice here,” you replied, feeling absurd but not knowing what else to say. Once Kakavasha got talking, it was impossible to get a word in edgewise.

“You like it here? Good. This room’s yours. Mine is the next one over. You’ll live and work here, with me. I’ll make sure you’re paid well. Full benefits, vacation, salary, and overtime. The standard pay for your role is seventy-thousand credits per month, but I’ll see if I can get you more. HR is pretty strict about their hiring policies, but—”

“You’re hiring me?”

Aventurine went very still, his smile tightly controlled. His eyes remained fixed on you, but they seemed less snake-like, now. They looked more familiar. More afraid.

“I’m offering, yes,” he said neatly. “You’ll be part of my personal security detail. I don’t have the contract for you to review yet, unfortunately. I didn’t arrange one ahead of time because, well”—he laughed, as if this were polite conversation and he were making a joke about the weather—“I didn’t know if I’d find you alive. But things worked out in my favour. They always work out in my favour. I’ll make sure they’ll work out in your favour too, so long as you’re with me. So you’ll consider it, won’t you? Staying with—working for me, I mean.”

Your eyes went soft. Beneath the artificial fragrance, you finally caught a hint of his familiar scent—more wildflower than honey at that moment, the way it always is when he’s scared.

“Kakavasha—”

“Name your price,” he said loudly, “and I’ll match it.”

You sighed. “Vasha,” you said more gently, and his shoulders relaxed at the subvocal shift in your timbre, at the famed alpha Voice that necessitated your muzzle, “I don’t care about the money. Of course I’ll stay here. But—what happened? Why did you kill him yourself? Why didn't you let me do it? That was the plan. It was always supposed to be me.”

It was my job, you thought then, just as you had thought to yourself every night, curled up in your bed and trying to recall the scent of fresh honey, to keep you safe.

He shrugged and said, “It would have been too risky to involve you.”

“You were caught and sentenced to death. The risk was already too high.”

“But the stakes weren’t,” he replied simply, and before you could ask what he meant by that, he continued, “and it worked out, didn’t it? I work for the IPC. You work for me. We’re freedmen now. Whatever I've lost, it doesn't matter. Our gains far outweigh it.”

“And what have you lost, Vasha?”

He smiled at you, charming and distracting. A crescent moon beneath snake eyes. “Nothing of value,” he reassured you, and even though you could feel the calm of an omega’s voice washing over you, even though it released all the tension in your body, all you could smell was cologne and wildflowers, and you knew that he was lying.

Vasha once told you, curled up and quiet on the basement floor, that he despised his eyes. They were supposed to be a sign of blessing from Gaiathra Triclops, but they'd never brought him anything but trouble. They were the first thing that the slavers always noticed about him, the feature that made him such an alluring commodity. Their aurora glow, their strange beauty, their promise of a rare opportunity: a chance at owning a specimen of an exotic, endangered species, possibly the last of its kind. These are all things that you've heard in the parlour of your master’s house as he entertained rich company, the crowd of them gawking at his human curios.

Avgin are said to make the most beautiful slaves, he'd often say. And Avgin omegas are said to be the most beautiful among them. What do you all think? They'd all hum, peering closely at Kakavasha’s features, and inevitably someone would joke, I think I'd like to borrow him sometime, and then they would all laugh while your pulse ticked up and you imagined tearing at their throats. Vasha would search for your gaze in these moments, giving you a long, pointed look: Don't do anything stupid.

He’d always been so blasé about it, the way people fixated on his Avgin blood. You'll never understand how. He didn't react to any of the comments, the groping, the innuendos. He was, however, distinctly unimpressed at the way that your master liked to play him up as a rare and expensive acquisition, as a sign of his own status. It's embarrassing to watch, Kakavasha had remarked. Everyone knows that Sigonian slaves are uncommon but cheap—people always think we’ll bring them more trouble than our worth. This was how Kakavasha had ended up in the market in the first place: because his last master had been robbed, and he'd been wrongly blamed for it.

The blame, to this day, has never stopped. People—powerful people, politicians, businessmen, socialites—look at Aventurine’s eyes and immediately reach for their pockets. You've seen it for yourself, these spineless despots and scammers feeling for their wallets. Sigonian, you know they're thinking. Liar, cheat, thief, whore, worthless, worthless, worthless. Your hands tighten around your blade each time, a loaded gun with a finger on the trigger.

Alphas are said to be violent by nature. Aventurine has often called you the one exception to this rule: the most docile, good-hearted alpha he's ever met. But this is a lie. You do have a predator instinct, and it comes out in full-force whenever you’re around these particular types of men. These types who notice Aventurine’s eyes and see a thief; these monsters who see his irises and imagine what it would be like to bed him. You’d kill them if you could. It would be so easy, especially now that you are an IPC dog. The Company is already such a violent force; what would be one more murder?

But Aventurine has never ordered you to punish anyone. (Don't do anything stupid, he always tells you with a glance, smiling through every humiliation.) Nor has he ever seemed bothered enough by these meetings to try concealing his heritage.

A fellow Asset Liquidation Specialist once asked why he didn't just hide his eye colour—it would likely be better for fostering relationships, negotiating deals—but Aventurine had shrugged it off. I'm a gambler working with the IPC, he'd said. Do you really think a pair of coloured contacts would make anyone trust me? He'd laughed, and his voice had carried a threatening edge, and his coworker had shifted visibly at it. Being an Avgin is the least threatening thing about me, wouldn't you say?

You think that Aventurine likes being seen as a threat. Sometimes you wonder if this is why he doesn't mind wearing his eyes so much, but abhors keeping his scent. He washes his clothes until they're free of his disarming sweetness and then masks himself with an unsettling blend of ambergris, jasmine, and wood. And he is on suppressants all the time—hasn’t had a single heat since the day he killed his master. Hasn't smelled like himself, either.

At the end of the day, it’s manageable being an Avgin in this business, he often comments, spraying half a bottle of masking cologne on himself, but you can't be an Avgin and an omega. Wouldn’t you agree?

You'd know better than me, you reply, noncommittally—and truthfully.

But you're an alpha, he observes. Don't you have an opinion?

You don't pay me to have opinions, you always remind him, stone-faced. You pay me to stand here and look scary. And Aventurine always laughs at this, and he always wires you money and calls it a bonus as he pesters you for an answer, and he always gets distracted and starts scrolling through all his shopping wishlists instead. I saw this thing the other day and thought of you. And this too. Would you like either of them? Would you like them both? I’m a very generous manager, you know. I'll buy you anything you like.

But even though he always gets distracted, Aventurine never forgets. Sooner or later, he inevitably circles back to these questions—these anxieties about his scent, about his eyes, about his blood. He never cares for anyone else’s opinions, but he's always been curious about yours. Even when he was Vasha, he wanted to know what you thought.

He’d been sixteen years old and delirious with heat the first time he asked you, face wrinkling with pain as he spilled his thoughts. It was so incoherent, so sad, you thought it must have been about a fever dream. Mama Fenge, he kept saying. Mama Fenge blessed me, She blessed me, I'm blessed, it rained when I was born—did you know that? My luck, I was lucky. The Katicans, they never caught me. They got everyone else, but not me. I was blessed by Her. I'm going to save my people. I will. I'll save my sister. My eyes are proof. My mistress liked them. Said they're beautiful. Worth sixty whole coppers. A blessing. He pulled you close, pressed his scalding face to your scent gland, and his whole body shuddered with relief. This was the first and only time he'd allowed you to hold him, and it was only out of desperation, out of his mind. Do you like them, alpha? Do you like my eyes? Why? Is it because they're beautiful? Because they're from Gaiathra?

“I like them because they're yours,” you'd replied, and Kakavasha had laughed deliriously.

This is when he told you he hated them: I'd close them forever, if I could.

When you were younger—dumber—you had a habit of squirrelling away every spare coin you came across. You collected them in a little purse that one of the omega slaves had sewn for you—a thank-you for always keeping the other alphas away from her—and you hid it underneath a loose floorboard. By the time that Kakavasha was arrested, you'd saved up twenty-nine Tanba. You’d wanted enough to buy Kakavasha’s freedom and then to set him up for a comfortable life.

It had been a stupid plan. An embarrassing one. If you ever confessed it to Aventurine, he'd laugh at you. Slaves can't buy other slaves, he'd say. Leave the schemes to me next time. You’re too good-hearted for it.

You’d already known that, of course. You knew that you didn't have the status to buy him or mate him or even just provide for him, but you wanted to. God, did you want to—you spent every waking moment thinking about it, every sleeping moment dreaming of it. It wasn't even that you desired him, though he was beautiful and fragrant and more delicate than anything that had ever touched you in your life, which was only your master’s hands and your muzzle and your chains. Aventurine would feel so soft in comparison, you’d always figured. It made your heart ache, thinking about getting to hold something so lovely.

But really—that desire came second. What came first was how mated omegas feel safe around their alphas, and you so desperately wanted him to be safe. Kakavasha had looked so frail, so grim, as your master took his chains and led him home from the market, and you could smell the fear coming off him in waves. And you could do nothing to stop it. You had nothing you could use to stop it—nothing other than your hands that could kill for him and your pheromones that could soothe him and your useless heart that wanted to collect sixty Tanba for him. That was all you had.

So you failed in the end. Of course you did. You didn't have the status to buy him or mate him or even just provide for him. You couldn't even do for him the one thing you could have done—which was to kill. And Kakavasha suffered for your incompetence. He had to dirty his hands with blood and gamble his way into wealth and then suddenly he was freeing you, not the other way around.

And now you are comfortable. You'll lead an easy life from now, Aventurine reassured you when he brought you onto his ship all those years ago, and he's kept that promise. What about you? you'd asked him then. Will you lead an easy life with me, if you're working for the IPC? And he had smiled and lied to you: Yes.

It had been a painfully obvious lie. If you were a smarter person, you'd have never believed it in the first place. Aventurine has no interest in leading an easy life, because an easy life would be less profitable, and less profit would mean less safety. And he is always, always worried about being unsafe. It is indiscernible to everyone but you—an alpha (his alpha, always his, even if he doesn't want you) who has watched over him for so long that you can detect every shift in his scent. No matter how much cologne he drowns himself in and no matter how strong his suppressants are, you know when he is afraid.

And here is the bitter truth, the ultimate proof of your shortcomings:

Aventurine is always afraid.

It is a beautiful day on Agnisahr, and you can tell that Aventurine is about to throw up from worry.

You're sitting in the middle of stunning wealth—Aventurine in his feathers and jewellery, you in your tailored jacket—in a lobby made from marble and pale sandstone, with a view of palm trees and rolling, scarlet sand dunes beyond the window. The waitstaff addresses him as Honoured Guest and they keep his crystal chalice filled constantly with water—one of the most expensive commodities on the planet. Aventurine has been drinking from it religiously, which is strange as he typically has the habit of forgetting to hydrate. A faint wildflower scent is drifting from his slender form. These are the only giveaway to his mood: he's otherwise as pokerfaced as ever, smiling calmly as he discusses his plans to sabotage the local government and acquire the planet for the IPC.

“This is a very dangerous mission,” you state flatly.

“All my missions are dangerous.” He takes a sip, one pinky up. “The IPC pays me well for a reason. As they say—”

“‘High risk, high reward.’ I know.” You try not to sound bitter, though you allow yourself to sound tired. “I still do not think the risk is worth the reward in this case.”

“I think over 5.6 million in credits is a great reward, actually. We could do a lot with that kind of money.”

You raise a brow. “What could an extra 5.6 million get you that you can't already buy?” It is—as Topaz would say—‘chump change’ in comparison to his current wealth, which sums to a number so vast that you can't wrap your head around it.

Aventurine pretends to miss the point. “Tons! We could buy a new spacecraft. Get another mansion. Or—we could take a vacation to Penacony. I hear it's quite nice there.” A playful smile. “I could get us a penthouse unit. With a featherbed.”

You frown. Sometimes Aventurine likes to flirt when you're being stubborn—not out of interest, but as a ploy to distract you. He’d developed the habit after he joined the IPC. It used to fluster you, but now it only makes you cross your arms.

“You could die,” you point out.

“You'll protect me.”

“No, I won't. You always find a way to get rid of me when things are most dangerous.” You give him an accusatory stare. “You never let me do my job.”

He's too shameless to deny it. “And it's worked out fine, hasn't it? I haven't died so far.”

“Yes. Just by dumb luck.”

“I beg to differ. My luck is quite reliable.” He sets down his glass. Glances back outside. A microexpression, brows knotting for the briefest second as he studies the sky. “I'm not worried.”

“You're a shit liar.”

That gets him to look at you, letting a small frown pass over his face. “No, I'm actually a great liar. You're just too good at reading me. It's very inconvenient, you know.”

“I can't help it.” You lean toward him, making a show of it as you sniff. An orchid-like scent—faint but unmistakable—has seeped into artificial ambergris and wood. “It's hard to ignore.”

He hums. He isn't frowning anymore—but doesn't look happy, either. “I should change suppressants.” He taps the side of his empty glass, fidgeting. Aventurine never fidgets: it's an amateur giveaway. “These ones clearly don't work well enough.”

“That won't help. I know you too well.” Your eyes soften. He's looking outside again, the blues of his irises distant. “You're worried, Aventurine. More than usual. Let’s back out of this—let Jade handle it.”

“The mission isn't what's bothering me,” he says patiently. “I just don't like this planet.”

“Because you can tell it's dangerous.”

“No. Well—it is, but nothing I can't handle.” He leans back. “I just dislike the weather here.”

You arch a brow. “...the weather?”

“Yes,” he says neatly, “it's too dry here. I'll break out.”

You open your mouth. Close it. It is possibly the most absurd thing you've ever heard, and certainly the worst lie that's ever come from him. For as long as you've known him, Aventurine has had flawless skin, marble-smooth, and ever since being freed, he’s never really cared much for looking handsome so much as looking rich. But he maintains his serious expression: all-in on the farce. “Did you know that outside the capital, this planet hasn't had any natural rain in a quarter of an Amber Era? And the stellar winds are terrible. I don't know how people live on a planet like this.” His eyes narrow at the cloudless sky. “The IPC is going to need to do a lot of terraforming if they want to make this into a merchant hub.”

“Aventurine.”

“It'll be a pain crossing the desert—the elements will ruin my clothes, you know,” he continues. “It won't be so bad while we're on the ships, but we’ve got to go outside from time to time. Can't make any friends otherwise.”

“Aventurine.”

“And there's nothing to do for fun when we’re not working.” He sighs dramatically. “I can't wait to get our 5.6 billion and leave for someplace else. I'm being serious about Penacony, by the way—”

“Aventurine.”

“—though not about the featherbed. I'll get you your own room, obviously. And I'll buy whatever dream experience you’d like. What kind would you want?”

Finally allowed a chance to speak, you say, “One where you retire.”

“Retire? Why would I ever do that?”

“I don't know. Maybe you decide you've made enough money.”

“No such thing.”

“Then you can settle down with someone.”

That makes him smile. It feels mocking. “Me? Settling down? With who?”

“Who knows. Someone who will treat you better than the IPC, I hope.”

“Anyone that nice would run in the other direction. But never mind me. This would be your dream experience. What happens to you in it?”

“I stop chasing after you and get to live out the rest of my days in peace,” you say dryly, and Aventurine blinks. “Please stop deflecting. The IPC gave you a suicide mission. We will both die if we stay here.”

He looks serious now. “I wouldn't let you die.”

“You can't know that.”

“Well, I do. And I've got decent chances at surviving too—at least one in ten.”

You feel like sighing—a deep, aggravated noise is heavy in your throat—but Aventurine doesn't enjoy it when you show anger around him. It's the one omega instinct that he can't ignore, you suppose: unease around an aggressive alpha. Voice tightly controlled, you say, “You’re going to bet your life on one in ten?”

“Sure. My chances were worse on the last planet, and things worked out great. It'll be the same on Agnisahr.” Aventurine raises a hand, calls for the bill. The conversation is over. You lean back in your seat, watching sourly as he pays tens of thousands of credits just for water.

“You know, they say the royal family is backed by an Aeon,” you can't help but point out, once the waiter is gone. A last-ditch effort. Aventurine smiles at it, amused. Like you're a child.

“So what?” He glances outside, at the desolate landscape beyond the oasis—nothing but red sand, a blue, rainless sky, and two radiant suns shining above it all. “The protection of a god is nothing compared to the schemes of human beings. And gods abandon their people all the time, anyway.”

During your tenth day on Agnisahr, you realise that something is deeply wrong.

It takes you some time to understand what’s happening. At first you think that whatever political danger you’ve intuited is much worse than you thought, and that’s why Aventurine has been so pale, so discomforted, so exhausted. Then his scent starts changing—he switches clothes two, three times a day (because of all this heat during Agnisahran days, he tells his new business associates) and spritzes his nape with his cologne almost religiously—and you wonder if he is sick with something. If the food in this planet has something that disagrees with his Sigonian biology, or if he has picked up one of the local filoviruses, or if someone’s poisoned one of his meals because they’ve correctly identified him as a threat. Aventurine dismisses every single one of these theories when you bring it up, and—as if in denial—only attributes it to the weather. (I’ve never done well in deserts, he tells you, his eyes on his phone screen. I'm not used to them. It is above 300 Kelvin, and you do not see a single bead of sweat on his neck, and his cheeks are not even a little flushed.)

You only figure it out when he is too ill to get out of bed one morning and forbids all the IPC staff from coming near his hotel room. It sets off alarms immediately—Aventurine, no matter how sick, will work and see through meetings as long as he is mentally capable of it—and so you naturally ignore his orders and check on him, using the spare key to his sleeping quarters that you're given as a policy. And as soon as the door cracks open—as soon as you step inside only to be hit with a violent, cloying sweetness—you realise what’s happening and slam the door shut behind you.

“You’re in heat,” you blurt out, and Aventurine—a shivering, panting mess on the bed—groans in response.

“Why are you here?” He turns toward you, still lucid enough to glare at you through the tangled mess of his hair. His voice is weak, but no less self-possessed: “I was very clear—no company today.”

“I am your personal bodyguard,” you remind him mildly. Your voice is calm—both non-threatening and non-condescending. “Those orders don’t apply to me. If things feel suspicious, I look into it. And they felt very suspicious.” Your brow knits as you study his clothes. Mulberry silk clings to his form, soaked through with sweat. Thin, eucalyptus sheets are tangled up around him. There are only two pillows. No water bottles. No knotting toys.

Nothing.

“You didn't know you'd be in heat,” you realise. “What happened to your suppressants?”

“I don't know.” There’s a quiet, frustrated edge to his voice. Vulnerable too. It makes you think of when you were both still slaves, and Aventurine was confined to the basement of the manor—the one that all omega slaves were made to ride out their heats in. Either they would do it alone or were ordered to spend it with some alpha, usually either a friend of the master or an alpha slave he wished to reward. That's when they're most pliable, he'd tell his guests, or sometimes even you. They get so desperate they'll present themselves to anyone. Then amused laughter from the other party—How obscene!—as you looked away, blood hammering in your ears.

You had been your master’s favourite. His most obedient, most profitable pet—striking enough for his guests to admire, deadly enough for his audiences to bet on, docile enough for him to enjoy. Good enough for him to reward, and he often rewarded you with his most beautiful slave: his Avgin omega. Just don't mark him, he’d said, fastening the muzzle around your mouth. It'll ruin his market value. Who knows if someday he'd sell Kakavasha off to some alpha master who wished to claim him, he said. Though I don't think there's anyone in this star system who'd want a Sigonian for a mate, let alone a Sigonian slave. Then he’d paused, eyes scanning over you. As if contemplating. But maybe they'd try to get Avgin whelps out of him, he added, and you felt like throwing up.

You'd never mate him in those moments, your muzzle always prevented you from saying. You didn't even want to think about touching him, and he didn't want to think about it either. Even in the cruel grip of his heats, with nothing but the thin mat beneath him and his slave’s rags around him, Kakavasha hadn't wanted any kind of contact from you, rejecting any chance of solace. Don't, don't—not again, not again, he'd begged. Then as the nights marched on and his mind grew hazier, he’d start whimpering too: It hurts, alpha. It hurts. Help me. It hurts. Don't touch me. Not again. It hurts. It hurts. Stop it, please stop it.

It gutted you.

It went against every instinct, not to touch him. To let him lie there, in scorching, lonely pain, when all you wanted to do was to dispel it. It would be so easy to press yourself against him and let his skin cool against yours, do the one thing that your body was good at other than killing. But not again, not again, I can't anymore, I don't want it, I never wanted it, and all you could do was sit there, unmoving. Watch as the most delicate, precious thing you had in your life shatter.

And standing here now, watching Aventurine shatter before you once more—it is unbearable. He needs a nest, you keep thinking. He needs a nest and some water and some kind of touch, some kind of relief, but not again, not again, and you’re still a slave, still a worthless and stupid slave, and Kakavasha is still crying on a basement floor and you can't do anything for him.

“You need help, Aventurine,” you say, voice soft, and his whole body tenses. His scent dips, and the scent of florals overwhelms you.

“No,” he breathes, “I don't.”

“You do. You're sick.” You bite your lip. Your heart splits as you suggest it, but you say, “I can call a professional.”

“No,” he spits. The facade is gone. The poker face has cracked. The anger and the pain and the fear are all on full display, and his voice sharpens: “No strangers.”

No foreign scents, you realise he's demanding. A new scent would probably make him feel unsafe.

Then let me help you, you think of pleading, but not again, not again, and you're filled with so much shame at the thought that all you can do is look away.

“Then—can I do anything?” He goes still. “Not—not that, but something to make you more comfortable. I can build you a nest, at least—”

“No.” He takes a deep, shaking breath. “No nests. I don't need one—”

“Yes, you do.”

“No, I don't,” he says. His voice is wavering now, on the verge of crumbling with fever and pain. “I've never—I’ve never needed a nest, I don't—I don't want to—” He presses his face into his pillow. “I need—I need to be alone, fuck—”

He doesn't mean to whine. The cry for distress is instinct, something that all omegas are programmed to do in heat. You’ve heard that they’ve evolved to make this noise as a way of appealing to nearby alphas for help, but you think this must be a lie as you never once saw your alpha master giving mercy to any of his omega slaves. Still, whether it is your biology or not—the noise that Aventurine makes has your heart aching so much you can't help but step forward. But he shakes his head and inches away, shuddering violently, and then his voice echoes again in that cold basement—not again, not again, and don't touch it anymore, don't use it anymore, don't use me anymore, not again, and it's all you can do to back away until your spine is pressed against the door.

“I'm sorry, Vasha,” you say, strained. “I’m sorry. I'll leave you now.”

As the door shuts behind you, you catch a final glimpse him—face pressed into the pillows, shivering.

If you didn't know better, you'd think he was crying.

When you were both slaves, Aventurine hated seeing you during his heats.

Kakavasha was normally calm around you. Most of the time, he was even friendly (he was friendly to everyone whom he thought could be useful), but he was different during his heats. Sometimes he was vicious; mostly he was withdrawn. Nearly always, he wanted to be left alone. In those moments, all he could register was your alpha scent and his memories of what other people had done to him during his heats. And while you'd have hated to leave him, despised the idea of him being offered to another alpha—even more than that, you hated violating this boundary of his. Hated that you were allowed to do whatever you wanted to him. Hated being the reason he felt so unsafe.

Hated being an alpha.

Now that you no longer have the orders of your slavemaster hanging over you, it is the least you can do to respect Aventurine’s wish of being left alone. He has every right to privacy, and you have every obligation to give it to him. But instead you have been standing here, outside his door, for a full system-hour.

Every time you try to leave, your body is wracked with anxiety. The thought of other people—other alphas—coming near him in this state makes you seethe, your hands flexing at your side. The predator instinct comes out, and the people around you notice it. Every person unlucky enough to walk down this hall scurries away under your glare, even the other IPC staff wandering about to look for Aventurine: Must be their mate on the other side, they remark to one another, and then they're gone.

It is a hard thing to hear. You are not his mate. You are not even a heat partner. If you were, then he wouldn't be in so much pain. Not now, and not back then.

Aventurine has never had easy heats. You keep replaying your memories of all his past ones, each one a wound in your heart: the aching sweetness of nectar and honey; his withering body as he clutched his abdomen and curled up; the tears and sweat staining the mat beneath him. And above all: the fear. The scent of it, the sight of it, the sound of it in his voice. Stronger today than any other day.

By instinct, you know that he cannot persist like this. That this time is somehow worse than all those other times, and that he will become seriously ill if left alone.

After nearly an hour and a half, you finally open the door, fearing the worst.

“Aventurine?” you say quietly, but there's no response, and your stomach drops as you see him.

His body is pale, listless. If it weren't for the fragrance washing over you or the sweat on his temple, you'd worry that he was dead.

Tentatively, you reach out. Rest a hand on his forehead, and it scorches you. He stirs at the touch, doesn't open his eyes—but the quiet sigh of relief is unmistakable. His fingers twitch, as if wanting to reach for you.

“Aventurine,” you say gently. “Aventurine, I'm going to take care of you. Is that alright?”

He doesn't respond. You grimace, pulling away to fetch things for him: several spare pillows from the closet, an extra blanket too. From his suitcase, you grab a few of his sweaters, all thick cotton and fleece. He’d had a sense that Agnisahr would be cold at night. Deserts always get cold after sundown, since sand doesn’t retain heat, he'd told you while he was packing. Or I think so, anyway. Don't know why. Must have read it somewhere. Then he’d given you a long, unreadable look before saying, Make sure to bring a jacket. The warmest one you have. The elements on a planet like Agnisahr can kill a person—even a person like you.

I’m sure I’ll be fine, you’d dismissed him. I can survive anything. Any kind of weather, any kind of illness, any kind of pain: these are all things your species is known for being able to endure, the trait that made you such a prized slave in your master’s eyes, such a useful agent at the IPC. You hadn’t given Aventurine’s warning any thought and hardly paid attention to what you’d thrown into your own suitcase.

It surprises you, then, that you find one of your sweaters in his luggage. Made from Sedanian cashmere and heat tech designed by the Intelligentsia Guild. Cloud-soft and warm to the touch. Aventurine had bought it for you before you were deployed to Jarilo-IV to collect intelligence for Topaz. Warmest thing in the known universe, he’d commented. One of a kind, too. Remember to wear it, alright? Don't let my money go to waste, now.

You stare at it, kneading the fleece between your fingers. You hadn’t mentioned wanting to bring this sweater. You’d lost it in your closet some months ago and forgot about it. Aventurine must have remembered and gone looking for it, because—why? You aren't sure. Probably because it’s warmer and softer than anything he owns, you guess. Of course he’d want to wear it.

You throw it into the pile of things you’ve collected for him.

You take it all to his bed, the mattress dipping as you sit next to Aventurine. One by one, you scent each item with your wrist, watching him carefully the whole time. You’re quiet as you lay them out around him, leaving him undisturbed as you build a nest. You order water and electrolyte drinks too, and you’re quick about going to the door when you hear room service knocking—with how feverish he is, he probably badly needs it.

Aventurine is awake when you come back. His breathing is still laboured, pained—but calm.

“I said I didn’t need a nest,” Aventurine says, though he doesn’t sound angry. You wonder if he’s too weak to be. His voice is faint, and his eyes are barely open—focused on the pile of blankets and clothing around him.

“You’re welcome.” You open a bottle of water, hold it out to him. “Drink.”

Aventurine pauses, stares at the offering like it's some kind of foreign object. But he accepts it eventually, sitting up and taking it from you. He winces with the movement, which he tries to hide. He ignores your frown as he drinks, and he doesn't stop until the bottle is empty.

“There are more,” you say, pointing at the several additional bottles on the nightstand. “And some food and some painkillers. I don't know how well they’ll work. This isn't a normal heat. If you're alright with it, I'll call a doctor and—”

“Everything smells like you,” he says quietly, and you stop.

“...yes. Unless they’re mated, nests usually feel most comforting to an omega when they smell like an alpha.” You swallow, looking away. “...you don't have a mate, and you didn't want a professional, so this was the only option I could think of. I'm sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he says. He picks out one of the sweaters that have made its way into the nest, the Sedanian one. “I don't mind it.”

“Oh.” You let out a breath. “Then—can I call a doctor?”

His grip on the sweater tightens. “No.”

You frown. “Aventurine—”

“I’ve never needed a doctor before,” he says. He sounds unbothered, but he's fidgeting with the sweater now. “I don't need one now.”

A lie. He almost certainly needed a doctor in some of his prior heats, but you don't push the matter. “Maybe you don't need one,” you say instead, “but it would help.”

“I don't need help,” he says, and you look at him in disbelief. He catches your expression, and the corner of his mouth lifts. “Not more than you've already done, I mean.”

“I’ve barely—”

“Contact Topaz. Tell her I'm incapacitated. Tell her…” He hums. “Tell her I have food poisoning. The personnel too. It's not time-sensitive, our business on Agnisahr, so it shouldn't matter if I need a few days off.”

“You really need—”

“Give my regrets to our Agnisahran friends. Deliver it in person. They see you as my right hand, so they’ll most appreciate it coming from you. Topaz can help you with the verbiage. And—try to socialise with them a little, won't you? I think that little omega princess of theirs likes you. Some of the courtesans too, and they have surprising influence.”

“I do not want to be around any omega other than you right now,” you say before you can stop yourself, and Aventurine stops, blinking. His expression is blank, if perhaps a little curious—but his scent shifts. You can't identify how. You add quickly, “I’m not leaving you alone when you’re this sick.”

“Ah. Right.” Aventurine looks away. His voice sounds strange, and his heat must be getting to him again, because it carries a hint of pain. “But you have to. The IPC’s goals take priority.”

You frown. “Your life is more important than the IPC,” you say, and he laughs. Loudly.

“What? This is just a heat. I’m not going to die.”

“You don’t know that without seeing a doctor.”

“I do. I’m willing to bet money that I won’t die.” He cuts you off before you can reply: yes, you're always willing to bet on your life. “And even if I do, that would still be less important than Agnisahr. Do you know how many resources are on this lifeless rock?” His mouth slants. “If we mess up here, I’m dead anyway.”

“I wouldn’t let them touch you.”

“Yes, you would—because they would kill you too.” Aventurine sighs. His eyes close, and his brow creases—a sign that whatever reprieve he was lucky enough to get is about to end. “Go do what I asked. Don’t do anything stupid. I’ll… see a doctor if you do.”

You stand immediately. “Alright. I’ll be back to check on you.”

“I know.”

You stop at the door, giving him a long look. Seeing him like this—lying on a proper bed, cradled in a warm nest, with water and food and medicine nearby—you feel a little better. This is leagues beyond what he’d been afforded in his days as a slave, at the very least. Even if he isn’t free, at least he isn’t trapped.

But it still doesn’t feel good, having to step away. The last thing you want to do is talk to other people, pretend to have interest in other omegas. There are an astonishing number of them who are interested in you on this planet—that princess, and some baron’s son, and one of the prince’s favourite paramours—but you can’t bring yourself to care even for business purposes when Aventurine is like this. You can't act as if you are enjoying yourself when you know he is in pain.

You wonder about telling Topaz the truth. You wonder if she’d be worried enough about Aventurine to let you neglect this mission and cover for you instead, without letting Jade or Diamond or anyone else dangerous know. Not that you think that anyone at the Company particularly cares about Kakavasha—it’s only that he’s valuable. Aventurine of Stratagems is valuable. How many worlds have fallen because of him?

But he seemed unwilling to bet on his worth to them. Which is startling, given how often he's bet on it in the past.

“What’s so important about this planet,” you can’t help but ask, “that the IPC would rather you die than lose it?”

He’s silent for a long moment. His eyes are closed—hidden—but you can see his knuckles whiten as he clutches the Sedanian sweater.

“Copper,” he says. “They want it for the copper.”

When Kakavasha first suggested a friendship to you, it had felt like something in between a proposition and a threat:

Go ahead, he'd said. Use me as you wish. You can even stab me in the back if you want. Just be mindful of this: I don't make deals that don't pay off.

It might have been a strange way of making friends in any other circumstance, but in a house of slaves, it was a natural one. You had not been a clever person—still aren't—but you understood that your place in the world was one of a tool. This was the place of all slaves: you were all things to be used. Your body was a thing to be used. It was valuable for its strength, for its hardiness, for its threat in the arena and for its convenience in your master’s bed (or in a dark basement, or within a heat house, or inside whichever omega your mistress ordered you to calm down). It did not surprise you that Kakavasha wanted to use it as well. It did not surprise you that Kakavasha expected you to use him in return.

You never would have, of course. Kakavasha was not a thing to be used—he had always been a mate. Though you were happy to let him use you, because all you were was a tool anyway, so it was really all you could offer him: to be used.

None of this has changed for you. You don't think any of this has changed for Aventurine, either. With each new friendship he makes, he repeats those familiar words: Use me as you wish. And with each person who accepts, this is exactly what they do: they use him, and they use him, and they use him until suddenly they notice he's tricked them and they've got the losing hand.

You damned gambler, they always spit. You Sigonian wretch. All you know is how to manipulate people. Thief, liar, cheat, whore. Despite all these insults, Aventurine always smiles at them. Cry as they might, he’s won his bet and has their world in his palms.

Winner takes all, he sometimes gloats.

Winning and losing. Using and being used. Exploitation and treachery. This is all Aventurine knows; these are his great guiding principles in life. (He's told you this point blank, stacking up chips in his favourite gambling dens with a self-satisfied grin.) You often find yourself coming back to these conversations, particularly when you need to convince him of something.

And right now, you very badly need to convince him of something.

Aventurine is ignoring his doctor’s advice. His suppressants are unstable in extreme temperatures, he's been told. During travel on Agnisahr, they'd degraded, and now he’s experiencing his first heat in several years. Of course it's going to be painful, his doctor had said. I can prescribe you some medication to ease the symptoms, but really—nothing will work better than a heat partner. It doesn't need to be a mate. Any alpha will do.

The doctor had been an alpha. You had asked for a beta or omega, but alphas tend to dominate in Interastral Medical Schools, so they're in short supply. Aventurine had been still the whole time, face unreadable, but you could tell he wanted to throw up at the stench of an unfamiliar alpha. You had stepped between the two of them, not bothering to hide the animosity in your voice. We’ll take the medication, you had said, and the doctor had sniffed the air and nodded at you in approval.

Probably won't need it. An alpha like you could sort him out with just a few rounds, he told you, and both of you stayed quiet as he left.

You still aren't talking, or even looking at each other. Aventurine has lay down in his nest again, closing his eyes, while you stand as far away as physically possible—at the door where you'd just shown the doctor out. With the room shut off again, windows closed and door locked, Aventurine’s scent is starting to flood your senses once more. Out of the corner of your eye, you catch him shivering.

“What do you want to do?” you ask.

“Nothing.” He swallows. “I'll be fine.”

He's afraid. You can tell he's afraid. And you can tell he’ll be more afraid if you take even a single step closer to him, so you nod and say, “I'll go pick up your medication, then,” and Aventurine doesn't stop you. You can see him curling up in his nest, face pressed into the cashmere sweater.

But he still doesn't stop you.

After a few more days, Aventurine finally breaks.

There is a rare sag to his shoulders when he calls you to the room, along with a taste of dread in the air. You haven't seen him so vulnerable in years. Aventurine is not an open person, so cunning and self-possessed in his wealth—but Kakavasha was more brittle, more powerless, flayed raw and open even though he didn't often get the whip. (It would ruin his value if he ever scarred—his looks were his greatest selling point, your master said.) He was especially defeated when forced to spend his heats with an alpha he didn't want. You wonder, a vice grip of pain around your heart, whether this entire situation is simply an extension of that. Whether he is calling you here against his will, this time compelled by his pain, rather than his master. Whether this luxury suite feels like that wretched basement to him.

He doesn't look at you when he talks, nor does he sit up. He remains curled in his nest, nearly clinging onto the blankets and clothes.

“That stupid medication,” he pants out, sharp even in his heat, “isn't working.”

“I can tell.” Your brow knots. He’s in so much pain, it is palpable. “I”—you hesitate, voice dropping. “Can I help you?”

He goes quiet. As both Aventurine and Kakavasha, he has always been disinclined to accept help from other people. There is no such thing as unconditional help in his mind—only leverage and weakness. He hates it when people have leverage over him, and he hates being weak. Both are things that can be exploited, and Aventurine always needs to be the one doing the exploiting. He always needs to be in control.

Even like this, the last threads of his sanity about to snap, with every circuit of his omega biology trying to drag him into insensible lust, he fights viciously to be in control.

Winning and losing. Using and being used. Exploitation and treachery. Control and being controlled. This is how he's always lived. This is how he's always survived.

This is the only way to let him maintain control when he is most afraid of losing it.

“I don't mind,” you say quietly, “if you use me.”

Even through the haze of heat, Aventurine’s eyes sharpen. “What?”

“I don't mind if you use me,” you repeat, voice neutral. Unfeeling. The proposal might sound cruel to someone else, but not you. After all—your place in the world is one of a tool, and this is what you've always done as an alpha and a slave: sleeping with people to take care of their needs, or sometimes just their desires. It did always make you feel strangely hollow, but you think it will feel just fine with Aventurine. All you've ever wanted to do is keep him safe, and surely, this will do that, but—

“I'll only help if you want. I don't want to force it.” You lower your eyes. “But if you do want it, I'll be careful with you. You can lead. I promise.”

“...I know.” Aventurine’s voice is weak, cracks with pain, but you can tell he's speaking with clarity. “I know you will be.”

You look up. “Then you'll let me help?”

Aventurine looks away—a sign that he cannot adopt his usual smile. He’s clutching that sweater again, pressed close to his chest.

“Just your wrist,” he says quietly.

You listen carefully. “What?”

“I just—I just want your wrist.” He looks away. “Your—your scent gland. Only that.”

“Okay.”

You get up, then falter. When it was your job to comfort your mistress’ omega slaves, you were told to enter their nests—no permission needed from them, no permission needed from you, because only her permission ever mattered for anything. The omegas were usually too delirious to care, often had even begged for it with the state of mind that they were in. But Aventurine is different. He's not like you, and he's not like them. He's never bent to any of his masters’ wills. And even if he did, you wouldn't want to have him bend to yours.

Instead of climbing into his nest, you ask, “Can I sit on the bed?” He doesn't answer. “Just the edge of it,” you add, and you hear him exhale.

“Fine,” he says, breathing measured.

“Thank you,” you say, and he gives you a confused look. But then you're reaching out with a hand, offering it, and he is quickly distracted.

Aventurine drops the sweater, grabs your hand almost immediately. He turns over your palms, fingers tracing your heartlines—as if testing you, as if mapping out territory. He runs his thumbs along the veins of your wrists, too, right over your scent gland, and you have to force yourself not to shudder at the feeling. You only stay still, letting him explore the contours of your hands, letting him acclimate to the feeling of your skin. He laces his fingers with your own, a latticework trap, and he finally drags his wrist along yours.

Both of you inhale sharply.

You can't react. You know it'll scare him if you do, but it's hard to keep still. The way his scent blossoms, the way it mingles with yours, the way it all washes over you—what you're doing can hardly be called touching, but you feel like you're going mad. Especially when he flushes like that, his vibrant eyes fluttering shut. Especially when the sweetness of honey overtakes your senses. Especially when you can smell the way his body is reacting, all that wetness and heat and slick dripping between his legs. You don't miss the way his thighs rub together, nor the hard outline of his cock straining against his pants.

Aventurine shudders. He brings your hand up to his face, rests his cheek in your palm. His skin is flushed and burning with fever, and it's no wonder that he's sighing with relief at your touch. You try not to stare at the way his mouth falls open. He looks at you for a moment, his gaze a hazy violet and blue—before he closes his eyes again and presses his lips into your wrist.

Fuck.

“Aventurine—” You have to stop, voice strangled, when you feel the full softness of his lips working against your skin. He’s panting now, laboured breaths sweeping over your veins. Then you feel his teeth catch, a gentle nip on your flesh, and when he groans into your racing pulse—deep, relieved, desperate, a noise that makes your gut flare with heat—you realise you can't do this.

You pull back your hand, and Aventurine startles.

“Aventurine,” you say, voice strained. Maybe we should stop, you want to say, but he cuts you off.

“I need”—a shaky breath—“I need more.”

You watch Aventurine carefully. His pupils are dilated, blue irises nearly eclipsed. His cheeks are rosy, and he can't stop panting. You can fully smell his arousal now, even through his silk clothes. He's desperate, needing to be filled.

But he also looks torn. His brows are knotted, and you can taste a faint hint of fear in the air now. His knuckles clutch at the sheets, almost white, and he stares at them. He can't look up. He can't look at you. His whole body is tense, like he wants to bolt—and if he weren't so weak, you think he might actually.

“Are you sure?” you ask.

He doesn't nod. He also doesn't shake his head. His arms clutch at his midsection as he winces. He doesn't look like Aventurine. He looks like Kakavasha. It makes your heart ache as you watch him give into his body’s demands, wearing the same expression he did on the day your master bought him.

“...don't use your Voice on me,” Aventurine—Kakavasha—says quietly.

It takes you a moment to realise what he's asking. “I won't.”

“And”—his eyes somehow grow even more evasive, hidden by his long lashes— “don’t touch my commodity code.”

His commodity code. His commodity code that is seared into his scent gland. His code that, if you kiss, will ease his agony instantly. His code that, if you bite—will chain him to you irreversibly.

“Of course I won't,” you say instantly.

He closes his eyes. Takes a deep breath.

“And—” Aventurine looks away, jaw tight. His voice is quiet but wrought with tension: “—I don't like when people put things inside me.”

Something claws the walls of your heart.

“That's fine too,” you reply. “I don't mind doing it the other way.”

Aventurine’s sigh is nearly inaudible, but unmistakable. His scent shifts a little bit, the wildflower fragrance fading ever so slightly. But he doesn't come to you. He merely sits there—waiting. Expecting. Maybe dreading. Even in the senseless daze of heat, he’s too anxious to move.

You approach slowly. Though you're overwhelmed by the bouquet of his scent, though you feel a curl of heat in your belly in response to it—you are slow. Alphas are supposedly victims of insatiable lust whenever around an omega in heat, absolved of every action they take, but you are convinced this is a lie. You have never once wanted to handle Aventurine with such cruelty. You think that inflicting violence on him, more than anything else, would go against your biology. Every molecule in your body would reject putting him in such pain or inciting such fear. So you are careful when you approach him, slow as you inch up to him—but you do not think it helps.

Aventurine lies down, his face turned away from yours. His eyes squeeze shut, like he's expecting this to hurt. Uncertainty gnaws at your gut as you lean over him, draping your body over his—the only position you've ever taken an omega in, other than mounting them from behind.

(You do not want to mount Aventurine. You never have. It is an impersonal position, a position that omega biology supposedly would force him to enjoy, a position that alphas have likely dictated him to enjoy. You think there is nothing you would hate more. In your weakest, most selfish moments, in your worst ruts, when you’ve allowed yourself to fantasise about mating Kakavasha—you are always facing each other, and he is always looking at you with his eyes you've always loved, and it always feels intimate. Never impersonal. Never dictated. Never forced.)

Aventurine is so honeysweet beneath you. More fragrant than any omega you’ve ever been with. You glance at his commodity code, trying to ignore the scent of his branded skin, then lean down to press your face against the other side of his neck, where a faint scar mars the otherwise flawless slope of his nape. Like every other omega slave you've ever slept with, the scent gland there has been excised: a precautionary measure to reduce the risk of an unwanted mating bite.

(Not unwanted by them—the wants of a slave never matter—but unwanted by their owners. A mating bite would ruin the code seared into their neck, claim an omega more deeply and permanently than any titanium collar or carbon steel chain. It would hurt their resale value. Only owners are allowed to claim slaves in such a permanent way—and the wants of a slave have no relevance there, either.)

It's a funny thing, this surgical scar. Even with their gland missing, you've noticed that most omegas like having their neck scented by you anyway, probably from some vestigial instinct. You guess that Aventurine won't be any different, that maybe it will comfort him. But when your lips skim the scar left on him by his owner, his entire body stiffens beneath you. His fragrance cuts into your lungs, sharp.

You recoil, as if burned by the touch of him.

“Sorry,” Aventurine is quick to say. He tries to glance at you, but his diamond pupils quickly avoid you again. “Don’t worry about me. Just do whatever you need to do.”

“But you're scared,” you point out, and you see his brow twitch. “You’re scared when I touch you.”

“Not scared,” he lies. “Just…”

When his eyes finally look at you—land on your lips—you understand.

A bite would claim an omega more deeply and permanently than any titanium collar or carbon steel chain. If you lost your mind—give into the insatiable lust of an alpha whenever around an omega in heat—you might bite him, and then you would own Aventurine.

And Aventurine would rather die than be owned by anyone again.

He doesn't need to finish his sentence. You already know what you need to do.

“It's okay,” you say gently, and his brow knots. “I have an idea.”

Aventurine is always afraid.

This is a fact that has haunted you since the day you met him. You've wondered about how to fix it—the bare minimum as his mate (always his, even if he doesn't want you)—and you’ve never quite pinned down how. Because when someone has spent their life in perpetual fear, how do you make them feel safe? When their life is constantly at risk, how do you ever make them feel calm?

You still aren't sure of the answer. But after seeing Kakavasha become Aventurine, you now have a good guess.

It is clear from his scent that Aventurine does not feel remotely safe right now. Not when you leave to fetch something from your own room, and not when you return. The anxiety thickens when he sees, in your hands, a very familiar muzzle.

Aventurine stares. He is not smiling, but he also does not reveal his discomfort on his face, even as beads of sweat line his temple. But his voice is too controlled, too calm, when he asks, “You kept the mask.”

You nod.

“I told you to throw it out,” he points out, “when I freed you.”

“I know. Sorry. I don't know why I kept it.” You remember how tightly you clutched it before the incinerator, thinking about how strange it would feel, discarding something that you'd worn everyday since you presented—but you don't tell him this. Instead, you say, “But it’s convenient.”

Before Aventurine can say anything, you toss him the remote.

“You’re afraid of my bite and my Voice, but you don't have to be with this,” you explain. Your tone is gentle, soothing. Probably disarming coming from an alpha, with how he is in heat. Perhaps that's why he’s studying the remote rather than chucking it away. “You'll be in full control if I wear this.”

Control. Mere seconds after you say it, you can smell his fragrance change again, mellowing. It's only a brief moment of calm that fades when you latch the mask onto your face, but he doesn't smell as nearly as stressed before.

Aventurine watches you carefully as the carbon steel swallows your maw, its old and familiar edges biting into you. For the first time in years, you cannot tell what he is thinking—truly poker-faced even to you.

“You aren't bothered by wearing that thing while we do this,” he says—asks?—and you shake your head. The muzzle was part of you for years. You were wearing it when you killed someone for the first time. You were wearing it when you went into rut for the first time. You were wearing it when your master had sex with you for the first time. It doesn't bother you that you’ll wear it when you have sex with Aventurine.

If you could speak, you would ask him, Why do you think it would bother me? But all you do is gesture for him to sit up. To switch places with you. You lie down—something you've never done with an omega—and wait for him to get on top.

Aventurine stares at you for a long, quiet moment. It's followed by a sigh of relief. Disarmed, he—for the first time in any heat you've witnessed—finally relaxes. His scent wafts over you as he climbs between your legs, and you can feel the heat radiating from his hands as he parts your thighs, almost scalding.

He doesn't bother getting you ready, too needy to think rationally, but he doesn't have to anyway. You've been wet ever since you felt his mouth touch your wrist, hard ever since you heard him groan into it. You're equally desperate to get some relief as you feel his cockhead sliding against your opening, leaking all over your entrance as his slick drips onto your thighs. His breath shakes as he enters you, and he can't hear it with how you're muzzled—but you groan just as deeply as him at the tight stretch.

You hear him swear when you clench around him, watch him lean over you. His arms shake as he supports himself, refusing to succumb to his heat even as he chases his relief. You seek out his gaze (just as in your dreams, facing each other, intimate), and his neon eyes catch on your eyes for a brief, breathtaking second—

—before he looks away.

There's a flash of—you don't know what, maybe pain? Or fear?—in his irises as he does. A twitch of the brow, a tell he'd normally rather die than let slip. You have the realisation, as Aventurine moves inside you, that even while you're muzzled, even while he has complete control over you—he still can't stand having sex with you. Probably because he can't stand being in heat in general, you tell yourself. Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't use it anymore, don't use me anymore. He'd have this reaction to anyone.

Still—you didn't expect him to have this reaction to you.

Your hands twitch, possessed by an old instinct to cover your eyes. But you'd probably scare Aventurine if you moved your arms, so all you do is dig your fingers into the sheets and squeeze them shut. You tell yourself again and again that he'd hate having sex with anyone in these circumstances—not just you. And then you tell yourself, as a desperate, broken moan leaves his branded throat, that he would also come inside anyone in these circumstances, caught within the cruel grip of his heat.

Aventurine stills inside you as he finishes. He pants, sweat dripping down his temple as he shudders in his ecstasy, his spend hot and thick inside you. You can feel his fever break as he comes down from his high, the heat coming off his body easing into a manageable warmth.

Do you feel better, you try to say, but you can't move your mouth while your mask is on. So you wait patiently for Aventurine to come back to himself, watching him carefully as he pulls out and rolls onto the mattress beside you. He finally glances at you then. His eyes narrow once they land on you, confusion flicking through them. Then displeasure. He reaches for the remote.

To your surprise, he immediately punches in the code to unlock your muzzle. Aventurine has apparently remembered the numbers after all these years, as if the moment he freed you has been since seared into his memory.

“Are you okay?” is the first thing you say, and Aventurine gives you a confused look. He’s still panting, dazed, so you ask, “Can I check your temperature?” And when he nods, you confirm your suspicion: he's still much too warm.

There is an ache between your legs and a strange hollow in your gut (because you aren't very experienced with receiving, you think—your body likely just isn't used to the feeling of it), but you quickly forget them. All you can think of is Aventurine, and how he’s still unwell, and how you need to comfort him. The instinct is so strong that you don't even say anything as you get up, straightening out your clothes.

“Are you leaving?” Aventurine asks. His voice is neutral, completely unbothered, but the thought is so horrific to you that you turn back to him with wide eyes.

“Of course not. I'm going to get you water and medicine.” A beat. You stare at Aventurine’s eyes, then think about how he hid them from you during sex. The hollow feeling comes back, but it's mostly eclipsed by your anxiety at the next thought: “...do you want me to leave?”

“Do you want to?”

“I—” I'd rather die, you think. Being forced to leave him right now would feel like tearing out a piece of yourself. You don't know if there's an alpha in this world who could leave their mate in the middle of a heat. And even if he is unmarked, unattached to you—you still think of yourself as his mate. (His, always his, even if he doesn't want you.) “I would prefer not to. I am your heat partner. I'm supposed to take care of you.”

You hear a quiet breath. “Right. Of course. You're always so conscientious.” Aventurine nods, as if convincing himself of something. “Try not to take too long.”

“I’ll come back soon,” you promise, and the air sweetens. Encouraged, you add, voice gentle: “I’ll bring that medication, and then we can have sex as many times as you need after I come back. I'll make sure you're not in any pain anymore.” You pause, studying him. “Is there anything else you need to feel better?”

His fragrance changes once more, this time in a way you don't totally recognize. “No.” His voice sounds strange. His scent is still foreign, fluctuating, possibly hinting at some kind of pain. The heat must be getting to him again—and of course it wasn't enough, what you just did, what you can provide. He likely needs to be filled to get any kind of lasting relief, but you left him empty. “No, that's all I want.”

You nod, forcing yourself to look calm. Ignoring the emptiness in your gut. It didn't feel bad, but you hope it'll feel better next time you have sex. You think it will. Alphas are supposed to be filled with an insatiable lust near omegas in heat, after all. And even though you’ve never felt that before—never felt anything sleeping with all those omegas in your mistress’ house—you are sure you'll eventually feel it around Aventurine.

But the feeling never comes. Even though you can tell that his heat has returned by the time you're back—sweat beading his temples, laboured breaths at his lips, his bottoms now discarded, with full evidence of arousal between his legs—you don't feel much of anything as you reach for your mask again.

“Don't,” Aventurine says, before it can clasp around your face. You give him a curious look. He explains, “Don't. I don't want to have sex again. Not yet.”

You stare at him, shifting. Uncomfortable. Uncertain. Not knowing how he wants to use you. “What can I do?”

He gives you a long look. “Come here. I… I want your scent gland.”

It's a sensible request. If there's a way to seek relief without fucking someone—without fucking you, which he clearly hated doing—you're sure Aventurine would prefer it. So you climb into his nest, holding your wrist out for him, and—

“No.” His voice is quiet. “I want the one on your neck.”

“...oh.”

You stand there, not sure where to move. If he wants you in his nest again, or if he’d rather do this standing. You’re relieved when he demands, “Lie down.”

You expect him to get on top of you when you do. Assume that he wants complete control—but he instead lies down beside you. Presses his body into yours, and then his face into your neck. His nose and lips brush against your scent gland, a full-body shudder running through him, and—

—and now you know for a fact that it is a lie that alphas want nothing other than to fuck an omega when they're in heat. Because even like this, with his lips sweet on your neck, with the sheets soaked with his slick, with his spend leaking out of you—you do not want to have sex with Aventurine. You only want to hold him. You only want him to keep scenting you. You only want to scent him back.

You only want him to feel safe.

You breathe in deeply, lungs flooded by honey. You think of what it felt like to hold him in that cold basement, when he was delirious with fever and pain, and you think about how different his scent is now. How much sweeter it is. How much calmer he feels.

“Do you feel better?” you ask, and he doesn't respond, but you know the answer. His hands come up to dig into your shirt, and he presses into you like you're a sweater in his nest. Silence blankets over you both, calm and warm. His laboured breath starts to improve.

He does eventually speak.

“Has anyone ever told you,” he says, “what you smell like?”

You stare at him. Your master used to say that you smelled good, but he'd never elaborated, and you hadn't wanted him to. “No.”

Aventurine breathes in.

“You smell like—” A little sigh, shaking and feverish, leaves him. “You smell like rain.”

Your eyebrows tick up. “Rain?”

“Yes. Or not just rain, but”—he pauses, next words quiet—“more Iike after it rains. You smell like the desert after a rainfall.”

“Oh.” You don't know what to say to that. Feeling distinctly like it's a silly question, you ask, “Is that a good scent?”

“Some would think so. Especially to people from the desert. You probably smell like a blessing to them. Although…”

Aventurine goes quiet again. You stare at the chandelier above you, all crystal and white gold, and wait.

“Although?” you prompt.

“...although I wouldn't really know,” he says. “It’s just a hunch. I bet it's why so many omegas on this planet like you.”

You couldn't care less about those other omegas. All you care about is Aventurine. “And?” you say. “Do you like my scent?”

His reply never comes. He just breathes deeply again, seeking relief from your neck—not intimacy. Any alpha’s scent would work; that doctor told you so. Any alpha’s touch would work, too. There are no special feelings involved here. Your place in the world is one of a tool, and tools are never especially liked nor disliked. Their value exists only in how they can be used.

You don't know why you even bothered to ask the question.

But then something strange happens: Aventurine curls against you, pressing even further into you. His lashes flutter against your pulse again; it ticks up in response, beating fast against his lips.

“I do,” he says quietly. “I do like it.”

You swallow. “But I guess that's because you're in heat. Any alpha would smell good to you, wouldn’t they?”

“No.” His fingers dig into the fabric of your shirt. “No, I like it because it's yours.”

You know better than to read too much into his response. Aventurine had already said it earlier: No foreign scents. He's only tolerating this whole arrangement because you don't smell unfamiliar to him. Only able to use you because you are the least threatening option.

But the words break something in you—break the thing that made you unable to throw out that little pouch of copper coins that you were saving up for Kakavasha’s freedom, the part of you that made you wear that carbon-steel mask for him. It is this part of you that has your eyes squeezing shut and your arms wrapping around him. You know he’ll recoil, reject you, but just this once��you need to try.

Aventurine doesn't push you away.

He melts into you instead, inhaling deeply. Your scent gland tingles with the warmth of his breath, the feeling of his lips. He seems—comfortable.

You can't fathom why he’s staying in your arms. Perhaps he's simply desperate for some kind of relief from his heat, just like when you held him in the basement while he was delirious from pain. But Aventurine had spoken to you with clarity just now, and his skin doesn't feel scalding so much as warm, and his scent is so different than from that moment. So sweet and so gentle, without a trace of fear. It makes your heart squeeze. As much as you've always wanted Aventurine to feel safe, you'd never imagined that his scent would be so beautiful when he is.

It makes your heart ache. You've never held anything so lovely before, and you’ve never felt so warm before, and it all makes up for how badly it hurt to let Aventurine inside you. How hollow it made you feel to let him use you. How none of that matters as long as you can keep him safe like this, because you belong to Kakavasha. You'll always belong to Kakavasha, in a fate that was chosen for you on the day you met him.

You're his, always his—even if he’ll never want you.

end part i

thank you so much to lore for hosting a fantastic collab and to my sponsors who funded this fic and got it over the finish line! please go check out @ficsforgaza to find other amazing hsr writers you can sponsor in order to help fundraise! here is my own wip list, if you are interested in seeing more from me!

and thank you most of all to YOU! I appreciate you so much for reading this chapter. thank you so much for sticking it through.

additional end notes

#彡 favorites.#cw slavery #cw racism #cw violence #cw sa mention #the first sentence with the block letters ): it says I’ve always love you ??? gonna go cry now (I already did last night)#‘your eyes went soft. beneath the artificial fragrance / you finally caught a hint of his family scent’ ‘the way it always is when he’s #scared.’ THIS LINE BROKE MY HEART. his facade is not facading . WE KNOW. WE WILL ALWAYS KNOW #‘nothing of value’ god dammit aventurine i want to shake his shoulders so bad. this is killing me #OMG THE COIN PURSE PART. THE READER IS SO SWEET )))))): OMG. I remember the face I made at that part /pos and I did tear up quite a bit #‘you never let me do my job’ YEAH. what’s up with that ????????? aventurine u turd. I WANT HIM TO LET US LOVE HIM SOOOO BAD HGGGRRRRRRRRRRR #‘no im actually a great liar. you’re just too good at reading me. it’s very inconvenient you know.’ okay i don’t know how to explain how i #feel. but can I say I heard this perfectly in his voice ? and it made me react some way. like jaw fell open kind of way. your characteriza #UGH I HATE THE TAG LIMIT characterization** IS SO GOOD I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING IN MY HEAD it’s like a movie is playing in my brain mhm mhm!!!#also the part where we keep repeating aventurine over and over and he keeps talking about what he could buy ): LISTEN TO MMMMMEMEEEEEEEHHRH #‘it went against every instinct not to touch him’ THIS IS WHAT I MEANT in my word dump )): trying so hard but so conflicted because #as an alpha you can make it better for him. but he doesn’t want that so u respect it. but he’s in so much pain ): UGHHHHHHHHHH #the sweater part . are you serious /pos. this is such a cute little detail ): I’m gonna start sobbing again can we give him the world #‘everything smells like you’ im sorry 😭 we don’t have much to work with mr aventurine BUT HE SAID ‘I don’t mind it’ SO🥺🥺🥺#‘copper’ ‘they want it for the copper’ the way I started laughing because r u serious . I’m actually a little . brow twitched. BROW TWITCHE #oh okay the copper! right. the copper. (the table flips over) be so fr rn /pos #the entire wrist scene I read with one hand over an eye and also hidden under my blankets because I was so tense HEJDKCKJCKD #‘aventurine would rather die than be owned again’ my heart shattered into pieces at this btw #him still remembering the pass to the muzzle ): and the ‘are you leaving’ im literally gonna cry all over again /pos #the neck scent gland fucked me up so bad. and the rain scent. and he likes it because it’s ours . x _ x / T_T #i have thoughts about your other fic but I will probably write them tomorrow because now I would like to re-re-re-read this one 😅#I’ve always loved * for the first tag dammit I can’t imagine how many typos are in this whole thing #TLDR : great work !!! loved this > < <33

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