#i’m kind of yearning
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why is it getting harder to not message him back with every minute. i don’t even know if he’s the same person. five years is so long to be intwined, i wonder if i could find parts of myself in him.
#i’m kind of yearning#i really didn’t think being an adult would entail me considering being a cheater oh my god#i’m trying not to judge myself#but why can’t i stop thinking about him#why did i add him on snapchat#why did he add me back#why did i slide up#why did he message me back
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husband nanami kento who takes off your high heels for you, carries you to the couch and sits you cozily — your legs on his lap and his hands on your feet carefully rubbing and massaging them all while you tell him about your day
#— ai rambles#he’s one of a kind#and i am truly yearning for him as we speak#his hands are magical jeez i’m still possessed by last nights dream#guys it feels to me like we rly spent time together im going insane#@kento
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I’d like to thank Maximus Decimus Meridius for inventing loyalty and emotional intelligence and devotion and goodheartedness. and also sex
#he didn’t just invent it he patented and perfected it#everyone who’s been sexy after him has been copyrighting#everyone post 180 ad who has been sexy has simply been enjoying maximus’ legacy#but in all seriousness he is so. so good#he’s just GOOD and it makes me want to die#i wish i was a humble knot in the necklace he wears#i wish i were a single solitary snowflake that brushes his sweet face in germania#i wish i were the candle glow on his face at night or the warm breeze that reminds him of home#jk i wish i was getting railed by him so good i forget my own name#he has inspired me to such levels of both yearning AND thirsting#i’m forever thinking of how perfectly suited he is for leadership because he’s innately kind and humble and values others’ lives#i am also forever thinking of how he can use his general voice on me to tell me to get in whatever position he wants because HHNNNHHHHH#the things this man inspires in me#he’s like the inciting tornado in my kansas heart#carry me away to the next world and don’t bring me back you perfect man#the day i stop referring to maximus as my beloved husband will be the day you can all assume i’ve been replaced with a government clone#i’m legally married to him#ring license and all#i go home to him every night and fix dinner for him and give him a shoulder rub etc etc#the ONLY man i’d be a tradwife for#because!! i would never feel devalued or dehumanized in that role!!#that’s the key honestly#i’d do anything for him and do all the traditional 180s ad housewife stuff because i know he would never see me as a mere object or ornament#he would always have respect and gratitude and absolute love#the same way i would#MAXIMUS#I AM WAITING#gladiator#text posts#maximus decimus meridius
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i talk about wanting to be called pretty and loved and being treated like someone’s everything but for some reason people don’t think you can be a binary trans man, or man in general, and want this.
so, this is for the masc binary trans men who want to be called pretty and to be loved and to be treated like someone’s everything.
you can want that too.
#mlm#mlm yearning#boy kisser in theory#cuddle me#gay#boy kisser#forehead kisses#i want a boyfriend#kiss my head#let me play with your hair#call me pretty#but in a good way#not in a#gender dysphoria#way#in a#you’re so pretty and lovely and I just want to love you#kind of way#god i want him so bad#and him#isn’t even a real person#I just want him#and he isn’t anyone specific#i want a boy#you can like play videos games and i’ll just sit on your lap against your chest idk#i want to sit on his lap#transmasc#transgender#binary trans man#can you tell i’m touched starved?
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Midnight Burger spoilers ahead. I think some of you House MD folks might actually enjoy it so mind the post
Thinking about how Caspar’s choice to launch Ava into space changes his trajectory so much. It’s that violent reaction to needing consistency that opens him up to the possibility of change. That he’s the only one who could’ve helped Ex and also the one least likely to help her and most terrorized by her existence.
Thinking about how via Ex, the Leifs, Ava and a couple other things, we have explicit statements of how stuff for Our crew is changed vs in other timelines.
That your worst decision could be your best catalyst. That the dynamics you thought were set in stone might be clay after all. That people will surprise you, and you’re a people.
That leaps of faith are, well, kind of everything.
#Gloria and the wolves#Gloria vs. the Teds#Shell and choosing to walk#Ava and science and staying at Midnight Burger#the Ex and wanting to be human and helping the western robots#Casper and choosing to roll with the punches#Even Older Leif and all his stuff#Leif NOT taking leaps of faith and that being his whole problem#that Bert-Bert eventually has herself until she takes a leap of faith and goes with Ex#the mucklewain’s whole everything#and their grandchildren’s radical attempt to contact extraterrestrials#idk I’m not usually a fan of faith based OR science based belief systems#im more of an existentialist or romantic myself#but connecting the two kind of fixes the issues I have with both#faith becomes about learning and taking risks and pushing boundaries#plus we nip intolerance in the bud#and science loses its cocksure certainty that claims it isn’t faith yet IS The Only Right Way#it becomes another belief system#limited because we are limited#but yearning for and seeking something more#midnight burger#midnight burger meta#midnight burger spoilers
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i cant wait for the day that i feel safe with someone romantically.
the day that i trust someone enough romantically that i can confide in them when i’m not feeling well. that i can trust they’ll take my hands and tell me everything’s alright. that i can trust that when they say they’re okay, they mean it. that i can trust when something *is* bothering them, they’ll tell me.
trust is scary. trusting is hard. i’ll be able to do it again someday. but i cant do it today.
#kind of a vent post#not necessarily a yearning post but i’m gonna put the yearning tags. because i yearn for trust#mlm#gay#mlnb#nblm#t4t mlm#ftm mlm#gay mlm#mlm thoughts#mlm yearning#gay yearning#queued post
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spent the evening drawing a little something to commemorate my first time playing hollow knight
just entered greenpath and I LOVE the ambiance of it, i really couldn’t do it justice here
#art#hollow knight#I really can’t draw waterfalls alaaaas oh well#they just look like Big Blobs I’m gonna. explode if I keep thinking about it I’m too tired to fix em#for those absolutely DYING to know my thoughts on it so far—#it is SO fun but in all honesty I do not know what I’m doing at any given time#I think I’m slightly getting the hang of it?? but I definitely did more wandering around than actual plot progression#speaking of which I’m completely lost on the plot and lore. it’ll be explained more later on I’m positive but for now? no idea#don’t know who these people are or why they’re here or what’s going on but#yknow. I like it so far!#I am also very bad at it so far!! I’ve lost an embarrassing amount of times because I got knocked into spike pits#I think that rest areas being benches is so whimsical. nothing special just. a bench. love that#I was gonna draw the bench but then I remembered I can’t draw seats of any kind so. standing up it is#the only thing I can really say as a negative right now is there aren’t many fleshed out characters so far#oh I’m 100% sure that’s going to change so it’s not a complaint#but as someone who mostly gravitates towards the characters in games? right now it feels very lonely. sad#I like the map guy. cornifer I think his name is#I can’t get his name right for the life of me. so far I’ve called him corn cornfield and confield#also his wife. she seems so depressed I think she needs someone to talk to#or a bigger doorframe#and that little miner thing? what’s her name? I want to say it starts with M#she was adorable. the children yearn for the mines#but yeah overall I crave more characters…..I’ll have to actually play through the game more for that won’t I#only other issue is that. fun fact. did you know dyscalculia can affect one’s sense of direction and reading maps#in other words I spent most of my time playing the game being confused and lost because where the hell am I#but that’s a me problem lmao#overall. good game so far mhm 👍 I can’t say I know what any of it is actually about but yeah I like it#goes without saying but. please don’t spoil anything for me!!!auhghhh
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You said that if you dated Peter or Wade it would make you miserable. Which– Okay fair, Wade does have a history of purposely hurting the people he loves.
But what about Peter? Why do you think dating him would make you miserable?
because I’ll always know I had the option to climb a 6’8 cyborg and I passed that up for a sweaty little twunk that I perpetually have to remind to bathe (sorry peter)
#I don’t know. I don’t think peter is good boyfriend material. I think his insecurities would get exhausting.#Wade has bottomless patience. me… I don’t know. I don’t think I could. I’ve got my own stuff going on. I don’t want a Project.#peter is definitely a project. and he needs someone with shed loads of patience and perseverance.#me I just. I wanna have a good time. so. come to me my big beautiful time traveller. whisk me away.#take me to the beach. you can disappear after I don’t mind I’m not needy. just spend a beautiful romantic week with me.#sci speaks#I don’t really know what kind of person I’m compatible with really actually.#all my relationships have been. pretty short.#and I don’t think it’s any fault of my own really. and I don’t feel any loss over them at all. like at all. I wish I did. but I don’t.#a sci has so very thankfully never felt heartbreak.#but it makes me kind of question what kind of person I am when it comes to this sort of thing.#because I really don’t know.#I don’t know if I want commitment. I don’t even know if I want sex these days.#I … weirdly… am so devoid of yearning these days. like I feel content right now on my own. I don’t even feel lonely.#I used to yearn but I think I’ve moved past it. and I kind of just want to have a good time.#and that doesn’t even . involve a relationship or anything anymore. like I don’t think I want one actually. it feels like I’m Over it.#it’s kind of great because I’ve never felt so calm in a long time. all because I decided that I don’t. actually Need anything.#I don’t need anything more than what I have. and that’s brought me rest after So Long being restless.#but if a massive time traveller came and whisked me away on sexy adventures how could I say no
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i so badly crave the intimacy of being with another trans man. i want to help each other do our shots/gel. i want to have help putting on my tape. i want him to teach me how to shave my face. i want to shave his head in our bathroom. i want to know i am only me, and i never have to be anyone else with him. i want him to be safe with me. i want to be touched and touch knowing that we accept each other. knowing that we see each other for who we really are. i want to watch us both grow into the men we want to be, and always have been. i want to be known deeper than i ever have before. to be happy with someone who understands my experience, my highs, my lows, my joy, my pain. who understands me.
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so i have my own beef with Birthright as like an Industry™️ and have elected not to go because of that personal beef, but with new movement of “diasporist” Jews online i cannot help but imagine the absolute SNL skit that is a diaspora birthright trip
“welcome to Russia. there used to be a shtetl here. the Bolsheviks destroyed it.”
“welcome to Poland. these businesses belonged to your great grandparents. they were violently stolen and are still operated by goyische Poles.”
“welcome to Spain. we named a town after the concept of murdering Jews.”
#yearning for the diaspora is a really weird thing to do and is only something expected of Jews#which is interesting to say the least#i never want to hear goyim describe themselves as living in diaspora ever again#you would not know diaspora if it hit you with a brick#which i know because the new token jew de jour is the antizionist-diasporist jew who longs to return to the shtetl#it takes a special kind of bigot to see longing for oppression as a valuable trait in a minority#like fuck OFF with that#this was supposed to be a funny haha jokey joke but now i’m mad
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is anyone still in the mood for a hypmic imagines blog these days lol
#mod rambles#giant ramble incoming ->#the tag seems so..#dead. which makes me sad :(#it’s looking pretty grim for us yumes out there ngl#do the people still yearn for self indulgent romance with their oshis. lol#i am still very much a yume freak. perhaps more so lately. but i never do talk about my own yume ships loll#plus the yume community does not seem.. very pleasant. to say the least#i do kinda want to come back and write here#but not on this account. i’d make a new one#i kinda want to start all over tbh. like a fresh slate#plus it'd kinda force me to try and get back into the groove of writing bc i feel like i've forgotten each and every rule lol#also it's important to have a creative outlet!! even if i most likely do not have the time for one lmao#i do want to provide for the h.ypmic yume community on here though. plus i love to write#even though i'm not caught up on the drama tracks..#idk if i'm emotionally ready for them#yes i did see this is the final drb. i got the news while studying for my final the very next day so suffice to say i was not doing well lo#idk if I’d share the new blog though. but i feel like it’d be p obvious if were me? lol#but i also wouldn’t have the time to write or post so idk.#i have time rn bc I’m on break but#when school starts back up again I’m gonna be packed. esp since I’ll be starting neuro so that’s gonna take all my brain activity (ha)#also will be starting research back up again so that’s a pain#plus. truth be told this year hasn’t been particularly kind to me#i haven’t really been in the mood to write or share it bc of what’s been going on back home#my people are always on my mind all the time#esp my village#🇱🇧❤️#been doing a lot of rambling lately but not a lot of writing. hm#all this to say: i might be coming back but prob with a new blog. lol#i write a lot just to get to the bare basic point (hence the 30 tags)
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The dream of getting princess treatment from the boyfriend(I’m a guy) vs the reality have being the one who takes care of boyfriend
#t4t mlm#nblm#ftm t4t#mlm yearning#nblm yearning#mlm things#mlm post#mlm ftm#mlm positivity#mlm gay#mlnb#t4t mlnb#so I don’t get princess treatment#I just do all the things for him and maybe#maybe if I’m lucky I’ll get a smooch#but those are kind of rare#I think I’m a bad kisser#or maybe I just look bad/weird#idk anyway#I love my boyfriend#and maybe one day he’ll show me he loves me too#but I can be patient until then
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date idea: he comes to the US and i bite him and bite him and bite him and bite him and
#i’m so nice to my bf#literally so kind#<33#mlm#t4t#transmasc#ftm#mlm yearning#t4t mlm#ftm t4t#gay#dogboy#boyfriend posting#i miss my husband tails
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goodnight everyone I am traveling to the secret gardens in my mind where Maximus is alive and in love with me
#i have been dreaming of him all day#dreaming yearning longing desiring wishing aching burning pining#in these secrets gardens we have a little cottage and an orchard and a bunch of horses and mountains and rivers etc#but most importantly: we have each other and we are IN LOVE#all the time#my one true happy place#had a crazy exhausting day and didn’t have time to come reblog and post a bunch of stuff#so i am pushing it to tomorrow and spending tonight just. longing for him#can’t stop thinking about how much i wish he was my beloved husband#and i know it’s kind of dumb but. i wish i had a little son who looked like him 😭#idk i’m in a mood and wishing we had a little family together#he’s everything i dream of and so much more#just. longing for him to come warm me up for the winter and fill my heart with love forever#what am i supposed to do with all this love i have for him??#where does it all go??#i just yearn for him and it never ends#oh to just. have him sweep me up in his arms#i just want to kiss his sweet face and listen to his lovely voice and fall asleep listening to his heart beating#i just!! yearn!!!#maximus when will the stars align and bring you to my doorstep#when will i be pulled into your orbit#until then i am a mere sunflower craning to see you as you pass overhead everyday#the days and nights are so long without him#i am. poetic and dramatic this evening#gladiator#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe#text posts
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guys this new kind of yearning is so fucking insane 🤭🤭🤭🤭
#was at the pub today with a friend like.FUCK i miss them 🫠🫠 but also i feel like soooooo warm and giddy and happy and full of loooove :’)))#friend was telling me about their situationship and i was like. feeling kind of bad bc i was like sorry cannot relate 😍 do you know they#have the most beautiful eyes in the world 😍😍#we were both sighing yearning at the pub except i was like also giggling and happy#anyway sorryyy me when i’m in love 🤸♀️🤸♀️🤸♀️
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just got done crying it’d be a shame if a pretty boy gave me kisses and held me close while we watched markiplier so i could feel better
#kind of a vent post#i’m having a really hard week actually#sorry for ventposting so much this week btw i just need to get it out of my system and tumblr is somehow the safest place for me to do so#this is kind of an application?? /hj??#watching markiplier not required but he is a major comfort for me#mlm#mlm yearning#gay#gay yearning#mlm thoughts#t4t mlm#nblm#mlnb#ftm mlm#gay mlm
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