#i’m just ✨insecure about my writing abilities✨

[ratshells]

Me: omg I’m so excited to finish my lore for my oc and show it to others

Me after writing in a part about him eating some shit alive despite the fact that this is a horror game and worse shit is bound to happen and also that’s literally just what I made his character about: UM MAYBE THIS IS A LITTLE TOO MUCH! I SHOULD BE LOCKED AWAY FOR MY CRIMES!

[wordbunch]

One Lifetime With You (ep. 1)

a/n: okay so I’ve come up with a new fic concept: non-elf (mortal) Tolkien characters FALLING FOR SOMEONE WHO’S AN ELF! idk where it came from, maybe because for me elves have always been more distinct than other races in Middle-earth AND also the immortal x mortal concept?!!? I REALLY do hope you like this, plsss let me know (i’m nervous! 😬) and consider reblogging to support my writing! 🥰🥰💗💗

+ I have more coming up, can you guess who?

✨ EPISODE 1: BOROMIR ✨

at first he is very hesitant and careful

I headcanon him as being a little bit superstitious or something and he would literally interpret you as some omen and cautiously admire you from a distance

but the ringing sound of your laughter and the inexplicably magical way that you move quickly captured his hear; he generally falls in love fast but this time it broke every record

however

very soon he would start to feel insufficient for you and he would struggle trying to bury those feelings

but either he’s bad at hiding his true feelings, or you have some accurate elvish intuition/mind reading abilities, or both

and there’s just something in the way his eyes linger on you longer than it could be deemed appropriate

although when it comes to open physical affection, elves aren’t exactly on the same level as humans, you still very much enjoy how Boromir treats you, even though sometimes it makes you a bit flustered

it would be a lie to say that he doesn’t relish that at least a little bit

he’s still a bit insecure about fully approaching you because, after his initial hesitation, he finds you to be the most enchanting being in all of Middle-earth and nobody can compare

but the way you smile when he greets you in passing gives him a confidence boost, and as soon as the two of you start talking and spending time together more often, he can’t get enough of that, and insecurities are seemingly forgotten

your distinct aura drew him towards you, but your personality made him fall for you completely

he tries to be smooth, but it charms you even more if he ends up tripping over his words, but he would make a complete fool of himself just to hear you giggle

you can relax around him and neither of you care about others’ opinions

he is SO quick to defend you if anybody as much as breathes “wrongly” in your direction, literally like your personal bodyguard

you’re the more composed and cool one and he’s the more passionate, energetic one

he is definitely the slightly jealous type

does he ask Faramir to teach him elvish so he can confess his love to you?? you bet he does!!

and you’re amazed and your heart is melting even though the grammar is a bit off and his accent is coming through but who cares

from that point you make it your mission to teach him elvish

it’s more fun than it is successful, but you find it so endearing that he really tries

Boromir adores listening to you sing or speak in your language - it sounds as ethereal as you look

he all but lights on fire when he feels your loving gaze on him

his heart skips a beat whenever you’re being more physically affectionate, especially if it’s in front of someone

Boromir ADORES picking you up and twirling you around, no special occasion necessary

he’s generally so proud to be with you and he showers you with love and he would go to the ends of the very universe for you

he really enjoys just talking to you about everything and showing you his life and his world

Faramir is absolutely amazed by you and you grow to love him like your own brother

however, Boromir has a hard time accepting that you’re willing to give up your immortality for him and he will definitely openly tell you that

it even crosses his mind that, if he had known earlier that you’d have to do it, he would have just quietly loved you from a distance

because if there’s one thing he doesn’t ever want, it’s for you to be hurting in any way

but for you, giving up the immortal life is the only right choice to make because, in hundreds of years you spend in Middle-earth, you’ve never felt more alive than when you’re together

so yes of course you make that decision

and there are mixed happy/sad tears from both of you as you hold each other like you’re about to evaporate

literally the ultimate declaration of love

he proposes to you right then and there, hence more happy tears, but you wouldn’t want to experience that with anybody else

Boromir is a simple man who has always wanted love and a family of his own, but never dared to even dream to end up with a larger-than-life love story

however he ended up getting a very magical one

every now and then he wakes up thinking that it was all a dream, and he feels a combination of delight, relief and love when he finds you right there, looking as radiant as a spring sunrise

✨ taglist my beloved ✨ @lotrnonsense​ @starlady66​ @lazymeriadoc​ @entishramblings​ @thesolarangel​ @silversword7000​ @friendofthefellowshipsnerdblog​ @averys-place​ @valkyriepirate​ @emmaarenstarr​ @noldorinpainter​ @asianbutnotjapanese​ @adamgetawaydriver​ @fenharel-enaste​ @ironmandeficiency​

[emotionaldisaster909]

So, lets talk about hualian donghua voices again real quick

(also, it’s really a post about my love for Xie Lian)

I cannot express and stress enough just how AWESOME and how IMPORTANT their voices are

It’s just that

What other aspect of a person can hold and convey as much of their entire being as a voice?

It’s something so unique, so specifically yours

My own self-image issues often come in form of not being able to find right intonations to express myself

And it’s agonising

Because so much changes in how you’re being perceived with a slightly different tone

But even the fact that your voice can “betray” you is a marvel of its ability in itself

As it shows your insecurity, your inner conflicts, the patterns of behaviour you adopt around others

It all goes to show

just how MUCH a voice reflects one’s whole personality

And that’s why

I’m going absolutely N U T S when I just try and pay attention to hualian voices

Considering I’m rewatching tgcf donghua a lot

And in reality it is mainly consists od relistening since i do so while working

I’m paying A LOT of attention

But with the new season came a curious little issue

Until now I haven’t been able to concentrate much on analysing Xie Lian’s voice

Because, since he got a new voice actor, I was afraid of listening too closely just to see that

it ain’t familiah again

HOWEVER

Hualian

Is huaLIAN

And it became noticeable that I started losing grip on this by kind of avoiding the “new” Xie Lian

So tonight I listened

Really listened to his voice

And it

fucking

BLEW MY MIND AWAY

I am SHAKEN

No, I am literally shaking and I am seconds away from shedding actual tears

JUST BY LISTENING TO XIE LIAN’S VOICE

IT IS FUCKING

P E R F E C T

Everything that he is

His softness, his toughness, his kindness, his strength, his joy, his remorse, his weariness, his determination, his wisdom, his pain

I listen

And it’s all there

It is familiar

It is him

And paired with the same, deep attention to Hua Cheng voice

It is

Fucking

Unbelievable

It’s them

And they TALK

And they MATCH EACH OTHER

And they HEAR EACH OTHER

And they feel SO FUCKING HUMAN

Chinese voice acting is a fucking revelation in this regard, it’s like I’ve never heard a voice acting this natural, like they are not even acting

Their changes of intonations are so neutral and subtle, just like it is in real life, no exaggerations

(Yes japanese and english dub, i am looking at you)

Having said that

About how the voices reflect depth and complexity of a character

I am going to write a huge-ass calamity of a post shitting on everyone who’s ever said that Hua Cheng doesn’t have a personality

In a ✨psychoanalytical✨ way

If you’ve read this far

Thank you so much

I love you 💔💦

/gives you a big kiss/

[artistic-intrxvert]

Hey, Artie! (is that okay lol) I got a headcanon I think would be cute to see! (no it's not based on my own insecurities what do you mean-)

Could you write headcanons for Hawks with a s/o who's really insecure about kisses, because of both the fact their lips are dry(and raw bc biting the skin), and they have the unfortunate ability of ✨ not being able to keep track of brushing their teeth ✨? Possibly even to the point of actively avoiding kisses, refusing to talk/breathe in the general direction of his face? please and ty, if it's not too gross lol ❤️

Not gross at all! (At least to me) I honestly find myself with this problem as well- it's very much like me lol-

Anyways-

Ahem. Fren has asked and fren shall receive.

I present...

Hawks with a s/o who's insecure about kisses

Am I the only one who gets major affectionate vibes from this man? Please tell me that I am not the only one-

Hawks is generally very teasing when it comes to others (ahem...Endeavor-) so i feel like of you were shy to kiss him, he'd probably think it's because your flustered or smth

He'd tease you about it at first before he started to notice the pattern of you not facing him

Hawks wouldn’t directly say anything, though he would probably ask why you wouldn’t face him

He wouldn’t say “why wont you face me” but rather if you had a problem with eye contact since a lot of people struggle with it

If you decide to say no, he’d be stumped

The poor bird man is so confused on why you wont give him a smooch. He just wants a smooch ☹️

He’d finally ask about it, most likely bringing it up randomly

Like I can just imagine you’re out at a restaurant or somewhere public and he’s like “Babe, why wont you look at me or kiss me?”

Once you explain that your lips are pretty dry most of the time and that they’re often bit, he’d be a bit more understanding

I feel like he wouldn’t care tbh, he’d just be like “Oh…Well that’s fine, I don’t care…Kiss me-“

As far as the brushing the teeth situation goes, I feel like he’d try to help

He’d ask if it has anything to do with your mood or depression, possibly even the chance of being overly forgetful

Either way, he tried to remind you to brush your teeth when you can

Hawks would probably bribe you into it as well

Like he’d bribe with cuddles or watching a movie together

Overall, pouty bird man doesn’t mind and just wants his smooches. He’s there for you <3

-

Thank you for taking the time to read! And thank you fern for your request! <3 I’m going to be starting school in about two weeks so im probably going to go through and delete old requests even if I had drafts for them. Feel free to send in new requests! (PLEASE READ PINNED POST BEFORE SENDING A REQUEST) I will hopefully try to be better about writing given im not moving anymore currently :) have a lovely day/night!

-artistic-intrxvert

[scarrrletales]

I’m loving how you write Class 1-A’s reaction’s to the reader with certain quirks! Can I request Class 1-A react to a reader who’s bangs covers their eyes but when asked about that, they just adjust their bangs and reveal that they have a lot of eyes and two rows of sharp teeth with a long tongue for shits and giggles? They sorta startle the person who asks because their reactions are hilarious to them.

Their eyes are full of different types of quirk uses with varying uses. With multiple eyes, they have their individual use such as one being x Ray vision, the other eye able to read minds like a book, another to see in the dark, and another to see someone’s aura/emotions etc. Monoma cannot copy it since it’ll overwhelm him cuz he has two eyes and is too weak for a multi quirk 🌚

They seem normal at first but SIKE!!! They can see and know EVERYTHING with their eyes! The drawback is if they use one eye’s specific ability and use it on all of their eyes, it’ll just exhaust them and strain their eyes for a bit. Either way they’re still a nice and good person, they’re just hella intimidating (both unintentionally and when they want to be if someone pisses em off) and op ☺️

(The first image is Nyx from Lore Olympus and the second image, which isn’t mine, it’s an old fan art of Blue Diamond from Steven Universe before her face was revealed and a lot of people speculated her to have a lot of eyes at first. They’re my favorite references for someone with a lot of eyes 👀 )

Class 1 - a reacting to reader that covers face

The first day of school when the whole class met you.Your whole face is covered in your long a̶s̶s̶ bangs.

Everyone didnt paid attention to it first and they assumed that you came into school looking unsightly.

A couple of days passed and your hair is still the same long and drapped onto your face.

Like how the heck can you even see when your whole face is covered in your hair.

They assumed that that was just your style or your just insecure of your face.

Nonetheless you get along with everyone well.You were such an kind and caring person to them.Even when someone makes fun of your appearance you still remain the same.

Your also kinda mysterious too and intimidating.

Days passed and the whole class is itching on how does you appearance

I mean even when you fight people you still cover your face and luckily passes the physical tests

They were like : tell us your secrets😃 even Mr.blasty is curious.

So everyone was just hanging out in the classroom after finishing their lunch and mina suddenly comes up to you and said outloud to show your face.

Everyone was like : 😃🧐😮🤔 curiosity level at 99.9%

You giggled and said if they're ready they nodded in response as a yes so you slowly started lifting your long hair.

Their reactions : 😶😲🧐😯

Mineta is scared the shit out of you.

The fact that your bangs hids something powerful yet scary powers behind it is cool and manly.

Your whole face is covered in eyes??? (I remember kokushibo and nakime from demon slayer❤) you also have this long ass tongue and rows of sharp teeth.

Kirishima and you are matchy matchy with those shark teeth 🥰🦈.

Bakugo still doesnt get the fact on why the heck you cover your face.

Mina will throw hands to anyone who makes fun of you.

The fun literally started when you fighted with your face without blocking it with your hair.

Aizawa is interested in how you would fight with your face showing.

Monoma tried copying your quirk during the test he atleast saw your death glare before he passed out due to your overwhelming power.

Thats when everyone takes note on how to not mess with you.(Inserts mineta shaking in fear in a corner***)

The most powerful power you have is mind reading that also explains why you mostly passed in most of the quirk tests let alone get into ✨class 1 - a✨. You just have to slip into their minds and baam you pass.

Everyone is sweaty and kind of nervous??? 😃i mean thats really kind of useful and powerful.

Deku would probably interview you for further explanation on how your quirk works🤓📝.

You will probably read everyones minds if your bored or smth. You tried reading Denki's mind after he used all of his power and now you tried not to think about it because it keeps you up at night because it's hella hilarious😭😂.

You will say sorry afterwards tho for reading his mind without

permission HAHAHA you will spill the tea with jiro tho on what you saw on his mind 🤭😏. I mean why not😏.

Note : The gif is not mine OMG BB🥰

ORIGINALLY by : bokunosoul

💌 : Sorry for the late post! Thanks for requesting✨

[maschotch]

Your tags about JJ and her 'just be happy' energy - YES. Always found it so strange that she was given 'sister committed suicide' from the CM writers wheel of tragic backstories and yet still manages to have like no empathy for people who are actively suicidal. Correct me if i'm remembering wrong but the whole thing with her sister is it's supposed to be she loved her so much and still misses her and wears her necklace to remember her - but then people who feel like her sister did, who are depressed (or otherwise mentally ill w JJ lets be real) she's just like... 💕✨don't be sad✨💕 with no attempt at compassion or understanding.

((To be fair, I think a lot (read: most) is just that the CM writers don't write very well (the hottest of takes I know) but is it really too much to ask for the slightest bit of forethought? Narrative cohesion? Could just one of them have maybe written up character profiles (lol) so they didn't end up with a complete reinterpratation of every character every fourth episode? Sorry this got off topic))

never apologize to me for getting off topic aksjdhlskjd i dont think i ever answer anybody’s question i just talk ab random shit

yeah p much everything can be attributed to bad writingTM but for me at least its boring to just leave it at that, yk? i like to come up with some sort of explanation for the dumb shit to give them a cohesive story if nothing else. and tbh i think the lack of understanding jj has for mental illness/suicide has a lot to do with the way she grew up? we know her parents didn’t talk about her sister’s suicide at all. that combined w the traditional small town values of maintaining composure and ignoring/repressing anything that threatens the reputation of a respectable young lady etc combines w the crabs-in-a-bucket desperate clawing she went through to get out of the town leads to this weird mentality that determines worth on strength—or at least ability to hide weakness. she feels this need to prove herself—both to the team and to herself—because of this weird inferiority complex she has bc she’s ashamed to feel emotions akjhdflgas

idk if im just talking out of my ass with this one, but i feel like ive got evidence kajshdl like her whole misinterpretation of hotch? she has this image of him as an uncaring uncompromised authoritative agent whose strength is that he has no weaknesses. which obviously just.. isn’t the way that he is asjdhlakg . intentionally or not, she refuses to see through his coping mechanisms and takes his stoic mask at face value. she respects him not for who he really is but for her own twisted values that she projects onto him. which is why he can never get through to her that it’s okay to lose it, that she doesn’t have to be this rigid unfeeling robot all the time. it’s the complete opposite of how she’s seen the world her whole life. she just… doesn’t believe it

i think another example is in revelations when she asks emily how come none of this affects her. we as the audience (at least on a rewatch) know that it’s bc of her past and what she’s seen and what she’s done and what specific skillsets she’s honed over the years. emily obviously can’t say anything ab that ajksld and with hotch comin up behind her cornering her with his own prying “you’ve never blinked.” jj’s question is personal, but hotch is suspicious. emily’s so focused on deflecting hotch’s perceptive inquiring that she doesn’t really notice that her response “i guess i’m just better at compartmentalizing than most people,” cuts right to the heart of jj’s insecurities when she’s already at an emotional breaking point: she’s already got survivors guilt and hasn’t had anytime to come to terms with anything that’s happened these past couple days, and now she’s overwhelmed w the idea that maybe she really cant handle this job just bc she’s struggling. she demands garcia show her the video of a brutal murder in some sick way of proving herself

unlike hotch, this isnt just a standard she holds herself to. she judges others based on this as well. again, coming from that very small town vibe of criticizing everyone and scrutinizing every move… every mistake is like a strike against god akjsdhlajs she takes it seriously. not just for her, but for everyone. so i think it’s only natural that she’d apply this to everyone she interacts with. based on these standards, there are probably very few people she respects, which is why it’s so significant when she does. probably just hotch, emily, and morgan. blake eventually. tara also. but she thinks reid is weak. especially with the way he handles his experiences with his job, but bc she thinks her value judgment is the way the world just is, it aligns with the way others treat reid, too. like this is just another job qualification they make an exception for him bc of his intellect. same thing with garcia: her specialty makes her useful, even if she’s weak. she probably thinks of gideon and luke as soft, so even if she cares about them i doubt she respects them. and if she’s willing to think like this ab her loved ones, of course she’ll also apply it to the people they come across, even victims. they’re just.. weak. if they want to change that, just be strong! just break yourself down until you're able to handle it. until then.. you're just weak.

[dreamkidddream]

No 19 and 20 for the writers question ✨

Han it’s so good to hear from you again!! ☺️

19. tell me a story about your writing journey. when did you start? why did you start? were there bumps along the way? where are you now and where are you going?

WHEW Buckle up cause this might be a long answer 😅

it was honestly a mess in the beginning. I would always try to write smaller stories with OCs when I was in middle school on paper, but I would either scratch it out or throw it away because I thought it was both horrible and embarrassing, so rip to all of my earlier stuff 🥲

BUT THEN- I posted my first ever fic on Deviantart in 2013 (and yes it was Hetalia 😭), which made me happy but I didn’t start posting again until last year when I needed an outlet and wanted to find a new hobby. I’ve always been an over thinker and insecure about everything, so being in my head a lot made me not want to write at all, but then I realize how fun it is and how it makes me feel better when I share my content and get to interact with everyone.

It made me feel like I had friends that I could actually talk about my interests with without feeling shunned or embarrassed by it (as sappy as it sounds).

As for how long I plan to keep this up…idk honestly so I’m just going with the flow for now. But I don’t see myself stopping anytime soon 🥰

20. if a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious wip in exactly the way you’ve always imagined it — which would you choose? you can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

LOML- hopefully they’re understanding and will forgive me 😭😭

Writer questions !!

[redoqs]

Okay cool! One of my favorite things about reader in sketch is how detailed you write out her thought process! I really like how you switch from the second person to first person perspective you do it really well! I think that aspect makes sketch reader even more enjoyable because ik when it comes to character x reader people tend to focus on writing in either first or second perspective but the way you effortlessly switch between both make the story more interactive imo! Also one of the biggest make or break deals (for me at least) that you absolutely succeeded in is your takes on the daughters! I love how fleshed out they are and how they aren’t just brushed off to the side!! Like the readers interactions with them is always either interesting, intense, or amusing but I love how you can keep is casual as well because they’re friends!! I can keep gushing about that (and the way you write out the readers thought process) because I haven’t seen anyone else approach the reader & daughter dynamics like you have!!

One question I have that I hope is okay with you is what inspired you to have that scene where the reader speaks to Cass about how she’s dealing with her feelings? I thought that was pretty bold considering how Cass is and couldn’t tear my eyes away with their back and forth in that exchange! I also kove how protective Cass is of her family but that scene where she hurt the reader had me like OOOOOOO thank goodness reader is much more calm cuz wow I would have died swinging

Also what’s Dani’s opinions on sexy librarians 👀

~✨it girl✨ anon

This is long, my fault😅

I’m glad you like how detailed I make her thought process! I’ve said this before but the main reason I do that is because reader thinks and overthinks a lot, even with things that she had already found peace with. The switching from second person to first, which is gonna happen more often the longer reader’s issues continue to go untreated, is just something I’ve been playing with and I thought it would be good for the story to showcase reader’s inner monologue and how she’s thinking, if that makes sense. I love doing it and I’m glad it makes the story a bit more interactive! I be trying new things a lot in the story and seeing someone enjoy it is always nice💛💛💛

Also I’m so so glad that you like the daughters portrayal here! I really am. I know that the girls have kind of “set” personalities that the fandom has just agreed with and while I do agree with most of it I wanted to play around with it a bit more and give them more characteristics and traits that any other person may or may not deal with in order to make them a little more real a relatable. For example, I’ve mentioned it at least twice that Bela does have anxiety and experiences panic attacks that she learned how to help herself through with Alcina’s help, which is why Alcina was able to help reader through the one she had in chapter 43. She also is someone who doesn’t love often but when she does it’s quick, something she shares with my Daniela and Alcina actually. Cass is asexual in this story which I haven’t had anyone explicitly state yet in the story because Cass doesn’t know it nor does she know what that means or that there’s even a word for it. I plan on writing a one shot about Cass that describes how she felt over the decades and the toll it took on her to feel a certain way but not know what it meant or what it was called. She also doesn’t have as many anger issues as I’ve seen other people portray her to have but she is very overprotective and also the jealous type, which we’ll get to see later. And Dani is just…Dani lmfao she’s just a goofball who’s actually very insecure, something I wanted to explore in at least one daughter, Dani being the best pick for me. We’ve seen with her thing with Naomi and how it affected her self esteem and ability to talk to Kyrie properly, which again I wanna write another one shot that properly shows that too. It’s also the reason why she didn’t turn into her flies around the twin, just a small detail I put in there for my own amusement and because I thought it made sense. The girl’s storylines of sorts were already planned out way in the beginning of Sketch (except Dani’s, I changed hers as I went along). I couldn’t brush them to the side! They’re important to the story, to Alcina, reader, how castle life works in general, I can’t imagine pushing them to the side or not having them appear for multiple chapters at a time. That being said, I really wish I had done more sister-sister (that would be easy I’m just writing how my sisters and I interact) and Mother-daughter interactions and imma be sure to do this within the next few chapters. I want reader’s relationship with the daughters the veer more towards friendship since that, at least with Sketch, fits their dynamic more. Having reader be a stepmom to the girls wasn’t something that sat right with me because of two things: how I have the daughters interact with reader and reader’s age. Reader’s only 24-25 and if the daughters were human they would be right around the same age bracket so friends is what I’m going for.

This question is more than okay! You mean the argument they had in the armory while “playfully” sword fighting? There was actually a lot that happened during that scene that was left unsaid and was shown. The reason I did this scene the way I did was to showcase a few things: how similar Cass and reader are even if reader had trouble seeing it at first, how close the two have gotten, reader’s various ptsd symptoms, specifically her increase in anger and irritation beginning to rise to the surface, and how Cass only really responds to force, in a sense. Reader even acknowledge that her and Cass were kind of similar in the way they are protective of those they care about but when Cass accused her of downplaying her emotions and refusing to acknowledge them properly? Yeah reader wasn’t with that. Good thing she realized that Cass was right the next chapter. Also, I agree, that was pretty bold for reader to talk to her like that. Imagine if this was early in the story, girlie would’ve been died. Reader spoke to Cass like that for two reasons: one, her being genuinely upset because of Cass bringing up issues that had nothing to do with her in an attempt to hurt reader and two, reader’s ptsd manifesting in a small way. Before her encounter with Miranda, reader would’ve never talked to Cass that was and that scene was supposed to be the start or the first indication of her anger/irritability because reader pre-Miranda would’ve left Cass alone. The problem is that Cass also played on her guilt, which she’s been feeling for the longest and that guilt turned to the anger and frustration she hasn’t had a chance to let out and that resulted in her words. She didn’t tell or scream, it’s gonna take a bit more than that for reader to get truly pissed, but reader’s sort of sarcastic, provoking and condescending attitude was due to the stress of her problems. But it was also what got Cass to open up to her the way she did because, like reader, she doesn’t like to think about her deeper feelings and it takes a bit of probing to get her to spill, though it was easier this time around because Cass was already dealing with her lack of understanding of her sexuality and her feelings for Charlie so she was already vulnerable. Poor Cass. Overall, this scene was a test to see how far reader and Cass have come since chapter 1 and I think there’s been a huge improvement!💀

It’s funny because Dani and I were just talking about this the other day: she thinks sexy librarians are…sexy! She actually said that should would love to meet a specific one someday, one that didn’t order a new prescription before it expired so now she has to wear her glasses until the new prescription comes in. And she wants to [redacted] and [redacted] [redacted]. She loves librarians

[jewelsunrays]

Despite my less than ideal mood a few hours back, I’m (obviously) doing better. I am grumpy because I haven’t eaten or slept since yesterday, and a few things are plaguing me, but I’m not literally repressing tears anymore so that’s better. I won’t allow myself to stay down for too long.

Fucking older brother is slamming everything in the next room. He always slams things. The only times I hear him speak is when he’s complaining or mad. Its irritating. He’s loud and I get so jumpy. He’s so inconsiderate

Unrelated, but:

The thing I’ve just found out for myself about insecurities is that they never really go away. Early this year when I rediscovered my will to live, I was like, great, now that the suicidal thoughts and depression has chilled out, I can continue on a perfectly healthy person! Nope!

All the things I dismissed, the lack of care for myself while I was depressed and not looking towards the future because I thought I didn’t want or have one, these things have accumulated and are haunting me. Now I have discovered what worry and care for my future feels like for the first time since like, 2018. I hate it, by the way! I will literally be sat doing nothing and get a sudden wave of anxiety and need to relax myself.

On the topic of that, I realised the way I take care of myself when dealing with negative emotions has changed.

I’d say before October 2021 the way I dealt with emotions was just going straight to the group chat, do a quick vent and a keyboard spam, (by vent I mean I’d make a point of emphasising I was doing bad, wait until someone asked how I was doing, say I was fine, then cry that nobody cared nor noticed my sadness💀) then lying in bed feeling shoddy and scrolling through edgy quotes about it.

Nowadays, I don’t actively tell anyone about any Genuine negative emotions (instead I take minor unimportant problems in my life and make a mountain out of a molehill to give them the illusion that I am an open and emotional person), but I do make sure not to take on anyone else’s emotional burden, I make myself a cup of tea and do a hobby I enjoy while either watching TV or listening to music, instead of just lying there basking in my negativity. Maybe have a little cry and write down what I’m feeling too. The exact opposite of before, basically.

Pros? I can take care of myself better. I know how to cheer myself up and distract myself. I write down my emotions instead of telling people, as a negotiation for bottling them up. I don’t force my emotions onto others and get mad when they don’t read my mind, even when I am clearly not doing them any favours in the matter. I am happier nowadays. Dealing with my own emotions means I can help others with theirs. Cons? I don’t tell people anything. The illusion that I am okay and experience empathy is not helpful. Not sharing my emotions and inner thoughts and feelings and things I go through means I feel distanced from people around me. I drink way too much tea. Similarities? Neither are perfect!

Anyway, as to what I was saying before that side rant. I guess its better to worry about my own future than worry about catering to other people. I’m glad I’m not like that anymore. Nowadays I think I’d rather die than be a people pleaser. I’m sure people pleasers would agree, but they’d probably be lying to ��spare my feelings’ and ‘avoid a fight’. (Sorry but its true.)

You’d think being a previous people-pleaser I’d understand but my newfound ability to logically read into every situation and only ever know how to give advice when someone comes to me venting has led to me lacking: ✨empathy✨. Therefore every time, my lack of empathy and the way I think logically about emotional situations always lead me to: ‘Oh my god! Just fucking say no! The only reason you are in this situation! Is because you are not saying no! You are not saying anything about the situation to people who are worsening it! And most of the time the very people you are complaining about would help you if you just communicated!’

The amount of times I wish I could go back and scream that in the face of my younger self…

[tartheanmaid]

When you get this you have to answer with 5 things u like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)✨💝

1. my eye color. i think it’s really unique and i haven’t met many people who have it, neither of my parents have it so i think it’s really cool that i do.

2. my nose. i’ve learned to really like my nose in the past year or so, i used to hate it so much when i was a kid but now i really like it. though the beauty standard i strive for has kind of just changed from standard button nose to one where the bridge connects to my forehead at the top of my eyebrows. even tho i know i actually have the commonpeople nose for where my ancestors are from, and hardly anyone actually looked like that. i still really love it though, and accepting my nose has like made me try and compliment other people’s noses when i can. because i find that people don’t really do that? and a ton of people are insecure about their noses, or else the nose job industry wouldn’t be so huge.

3. my sense of humor. even though my sense of humor is weird, out of the box, adhd humor, i still think i’m pretty funny, and i’m glad to have so many friends that share that kind of taste in humor.

4. i like my ability to hold a conversation with someone even if i don’t like them or don’t want to be having it(in select situations)

5. i really like my writing skills, even though most of the kids around me don’t appreciate it, anyone who is also into writing has told me it’s wonderful, so i’m excited to see where that takes me

[lowkeyorloki]

oh HELLO i’ve been summoned???? Pharb anon here and oh my GODDD u listening to waiting room on repeat is the most relatable shit fucking ever . it literally is the type of song to do that to, like when i first discovered it i absolutely did that too it’s addicting. I think it’s something to do with her just saying “KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER!!!!!!!” over and over at the end after the buildup and how like...desperate and aching and emotional she sounds that makes us go “oh. i need to listen to this 20 times now”. So i’m glad you’re getting the full Experience™️ of discovering that song. (it’s like a little gift too it’s not on one of her albums (where it belongs 🤨) so when you find it it’s like holy shit what is this masterpiece)). anyway. you saying you’re considering having loki listen to her in his chapter has me in absolute shambles are you serious. what an honor to have partially inspired that omg.

I think it would fit so so well too, I feel like the way you describe emotion in your writing is very very real and candid and her lyrics /songs would blend SO well if you decided to mention them in your writing oh my god AND JUST THE EMOTION IN ALL OF HER SONGS.....I AM A GONER THINKING ABOUT LOKI LISTENING TO IT OH MY GOD.............. @:&;9(+%+}£ this ask is so long i’m sorry but in conclusion that would be absolutely perfect. whatever you decide to do will be perfect but yes Loki listening to phoebe would be absolutely perfect. ok the end. much love

YESSSS hello thank you for coming back! YES I actually think Waiting Room will end up being my most streamed song of 2022 because I have already listened to it an insane amount of times. I have a new favorite PB song because of you ✨ and yes the “know it’s for the better” part is really what keeps me hitting replay button. I think you described it best, it’s just very desperate and raw. Incredibly enticing. And omg I read up on the song a bit and apparently Phoebe Bridgers hates it?? So that’s why it’s not on an album. JUSTICE FOR WAITING ROOM but also I totally understand disliking something you’ve made even if other people love it.

ALSO yes I’ve been considering putting some PB in Loki’s chapter but I wasn’t too sure and you’ve inspired/reassured me!! Now I just have to figure out which song, if I name one specifically. I already know how it will pertain to Loki’s inner monologue 😏 Do you have any requests?

As for your 2nd message… I just think this song is actually fairly plausible from Loki’s pov? There are a couple lines that stand out in that regard. I’m going to put this under a read more bc it got a tad long!

If you were a teacher, I would fail your class // Take it over and over, 'til you noticed me

I think Loki is not only totally in love with y/n, but in awe of her as well. Like, he watches you thrive in a class that you’re technically too young to be in, and he sees you take the news that he has a whole child in stride - and then you EMBRACE that. You can keep up with all his literary references and hold any conversation he draws you into. Loki is just constantly amazed and impressed by you. I think he probably feels that if the roles were reversed and he was your student, you wouldn’t notice him that way. Loki feels like your perfect match, and he’s not insecure as your partner, but I’m sure he thinks the circumstances of your relationship starting were very conditional. Like, of course you noticed him. He’s your professor, you spend hours each week watching him. If it was the other way around, and you were the one in front of a classroom and looking over the crowd, Loki isn’t so sure you would have picked him out the way he did you.

Who am I to ask for more, more, more?

Loki continually tells you the guilt he feels over the possibility of making Narvi your responsibility. He feels, to some degree, that he’s robbing you of your youth and ability to be carefree. In a previous chapter, you were talking about your fight with Nat and how Loki helped you through it - so you can help Loki through his issues, too. He responded with something along the lines of “those are problems you should be facing right now, not the stress of being a parent.” First, that hurts now that y/n might be pregnant, huh? BUT I bring it up just to make it clear how conflicted Loki is when it comes to you and his family. This line really emphasizes that for him, I think: who is Loki to ask for more when you’ve already given him so much? Who was he to ask in the first place?

I want to make you drive all night // Just because I said maybe you should come over

I mean I’m taking this literally. Loki loves super far away lol. However, I casual way the second part of this lyric is (‘just because I said…’) reminds me of how Loki IS aware of how much you love him, and how much influence he has over you in that sense. He knows you would come over just because he asked. Loki isn’t insecure in the fact your love for him exists, he’s just insecure because he’s not sure if he deserves it or not.

The whole second verse + the repeated know it’s for the better… I mean it really just hits the nail on the head for what’s going to be happening in a few chapters. That’s all I’ll say for now, but just know those parts of the song are actually pretty relevant.

Finally, for your third message, we are just straight VIBING with our superior music taste!! I gotta say I’m so glad you decided to message me. You’re super cool!! I hope you���re having a nice weekend phoebe anon ☺️