#i’m in my car in a rush so i’m praying this isn’t coming off as rude or anything

[chanstopher]

Maybe an unpopular opinion but I wish he would stop dancing around the issue. Like in those bubble messages about hating when people think they are helping but not… I feel like letting people assume what you’re thinking and who you’re talking about is part of the problem. When it’s a bit too vague, people will take it how they want, which can perpetuate all these rumours, etc.

I just wish someone would make a clear statement about this whole thing and everyone can leave it at that, like it or not. Idk I guess I just feel like it’s not really helping to cryptically hint at how you feel about things.

People will always speculate that he’s lying and that the company “forced” him to say something, but the fans that respect him at least would leave it at his word and be done with it.

i definitely don’t think it’s a very unpopular opinion tbh. i always assume he does it that way to get around not being allowed to talk about it. jype has always been an ignore the problem don’t address it company, so i think it’s his way of getting around that. but i also wish he could be more blunt. the times he has been he has also been dragged through the mud (not that everything he does isn’t also that way) so i also understand not wanting to cause more shit. it’s a double edged sword for him every time something happens unfortunately :(. but i also agree that ppl who actually did respect him would take it at his word, sadly ppl have a very delusional expectation of what they’re allowed to consider respectful to him. some ppl see trusting him as respectful and some see defending him and creating petitions as respectful. it’s sucky and unfortunate that the solution can’t be easier for him or us

[heavndoll]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒.

pairings — fem!reader and rafe cameron.

summary — after rafe takes your life, he tries to move on, and simply pretends he’s the one who didn’t do so. eventually, hauntings and truths will lay themselves out to remind rafe just how sickening he is.

warning tags — adult language. details of gruesome m*rder & m*rder itself. mentions of DV relationship, (brief) child ab*se & awful parents. talks of religion and god. reader’s pov from heaven (?? just stick w the program). rafe actually going more insane than usual. overall dark content.

author’s note — this is based on and inspired by ethel cain’s song ‘strangers’ and while this song has multiple interpretations to go by, i’m taking mine by the main and common one (just without the c*nnibalism!). this also gets super dark and depressing so if you cannot bear any of it, please click off! this also isn’t revised at all so my apologies for grammar mistakes.

likes, shares & reblogs are very much appreciated ⋆୨୧ ₊ﾟ

you had tears in your eyes, body shaking to point you thought you’d convulse. you tried to be obedient by keeping in rafe’s secret of what he had done on that tarmac. he beat you to make sure you kept your mouth shut for good.

he said, “i’ll kill you if you say one word,” and it took enough fear to believe him, but you didn’t think that day would come.

murder is an evil thing, and everyone can attest to it. rafe murdered sheriff peterkin as if she was nothing, as if she was a problem in the way. bad enough, he let john b. routledge — one of your best friends — take the fall for it.

you continued to keep your mouth shut, but after rafe tried to invade the police, ward killing himself, you didn’t see a reason to keep quiet. ward was the only reason why rafe could stay out of prison, and now that he wasn’t around, you could speak.

your father preached every sunday to live by righteousness and good, to never let evil win.

rafe was that evil. he was the devil himself.

the devil that you danced with, let make love to you, kiss you, but also beat you until stars twinkled in your vision, and your breath kept getting caught in your throat.

your mother would be horrified to know that, your father too. but it was their fault in a way that you accepted this cruelty as love; your father, especially to blame.

if love is not meant to be hit at you, does it even exist? your father showed you that when he’d slap or punch you for falling out of line, but go to church the next day, and preach about being a good servant to god.

you wanted all evil out of your life. it was suffocating, it was drowning you.

rafe had to be eliminated first.

“you killed peterkin, and i’m tired of knowing it,” you said, picking up your car keys. “we are done, and i won’t even show up to your trial when you go down for it.”

rafe just stared at you appalled and puzzled, sitting on the edge of his bed. you were close to being far out enough to your car until strong, violent hand seized you.

you screamed and kicked, not being new to this routine, only knowing that he was going to harm you.

you could never predict that his violence would lead him to murdering you.

“let me go, rafe!” you screamed, being pulled inside, your pleas and cries echoing in the empty home.

expecting to be physically berated, you were being led downwards.

to the wine cellar basement.

and for once in a while, you prayed to god, and hoped he would finally listen to you this time. that he would save his child, and perform a miracle.

but a miracle never came as rafe manhandled you, pinning you down on the cement ground of the basement.

“shut the fuck up! stop crying!” he yelled, a solid punch coming to your cheek, and you yelped, an easy gush of blood rushing out of your mouth. “you’re a fuckin’ backstabber. after everything i’ve done for you, gonna treat me like that?”

you cried, shaking your head. “r—rafe, please! i’ll be good, i’ll stop!”

“don’t trust you, little one. can’t let you ruin everything,” rafe said, reaching for something out of his back pocket.

the more you fought back, the more angry he got; the more you fueled the fire that rested in his hands and body.

before you could let out another plead, a sharp pain was made into your abdomen.

rafe stabbed you — and he wasn’t planning on stopping there.

god wasn’t there. you would show up to his gates in this condition, and ask him why he let it happen. if god is real, why did he bear witness instead of saving you?

rafe doesn’t recall killing you.

he remembers grabbing, and dragging you down into wine cellar basement, but couldn’t be able to tell anyone what happened after that. all he knows your blood was quite literally on his hand, knife shaking in his grip.

your babydoll white dress was now stained with violence and scarlet red blood.

the sight should’ve made him sick, but it didn’t. he just stared at you, breathing heavy, and it didn’t strike him until a while later that he had killed you.

rafe cameron had killed the love of his life.

he only panicked when it came to how to dispose your body, take off any evidence that could trace back to him. he was more than willing to dump your body in the woods, let any gators eat at you for supper.

he tossed your body only hours later in the depths of the woods, and it didn’t take long until you were reported missing.

of course, he was questioned first. it was easy for him to play the concerned boyfriend, crying because he also hadn’t heard from you, saying he had been texting and calling you for hours.

your parents sobbed on the news and asking anyone to come forward with any information, that they’ll give up however much money for their child to come home.

rafe just stared numbly at the television screen, a cup of scotch in his hand.

your best friends, the pogues, sobbed for days, and even started a search party for you. rafe made sure to dig you levels down in those woods when the ground was wet enough to dig up, and cover you up.

sarah cameron had a feeling her brother had something to do with your ���disappearance’ but it was only just a gut intuition, she couldn’t prove it. she always questioned why you got with her brother, always emphasizing how horrible and violent he was, but you would tell her, “you don’t know him like i do; you don’t know how much he loves me, and takes care of me.”

kiara knew how bad rafe was — for god sake, she momentarily went to the academy around the same time he was a senior. she knew he wasn’t destined to be a boyfriend, let alone even in a fucking relationship.

the boys of the group were beyond furious, the three wanting to round up and take ahold of rafe, beat some information out of him. but they knew you wouldn’t want that, and that rafe would easily get the police to arrest them.

however, months passed, and you slowly became a memory to not only the town, but to rafe himself. he went on with his days like nothing occurred, that he didn’t violently take the life of his girlfriend.

you weren’t on his mind anymore, and he didn’t have to worry about you anymore.

or so he thought.

karma and revenge go hand in hand together; they mingle and burst out, they make sure they arrive at the doorstep of the people who deserve it.

rafe always thought getting rid of you would avoid his downfall, but the murder of you was just the beginning of it all.

he slept peacefully like he had done for a while now, with him about to drown into a deep sleep. he rested with his hands laid atop of his stomach, comfortable and at solitude, a female whisper woke him up.

he peeked around, but saw no one. he assumed he was just sleep deprived and imagining things, his eyes closing again for sleep.

“do you feel sick yet?” the voice that sounded like yours came through, more clearer and visible. he shot up, and turned on his bedside lamp.

nothing. no one. not you.

why would he have to feel sick? you were gone, you were no longer a problem.

rafe shook it off, and was able to go back to sleep.

you were angry in the afterlife. you stared at rafe from heaven, trembling with rage and regret. a man you once loved, had acted as if you never existed. you adored him, and he disposed you like garbage.

you just wanted to be his, wanted him to tell you that you were his only; that he loved you as much as you did to him, that he would change and better himself for you.

that the violence would dissipate, and his rough hands would be nurtured with love and softness.

but no. that never came, and never would.

you were taunted by your murder, burning with the need to remind rafe of how sick he was.

your violent lover let you bleed before him, and without tending to your wounds or simply sitting with immediate regret, he soaked in his actions and dismissed it.

why couldn’t he be gentle? was him painting you blue and purple not enough? did he have to go as far as killing his lover to satisfy the disdain and vexation he held for you?

was that enough? was that enough to make you enough?

rafe’s nights slowly turned interrupted and sleepless. your voice was always there, and time to time, he thought he saw you standing in his bedroom, drenched in blood and with tears streaming down your face as you kept asking him, “do you feel sick yet?”

sick. not regretful. fucking sick.

sleep deprivation was catching up to him, making him more mean and angry than usual, more out of control.

the coke wasn’t even helping either, only making everything worse.

he was at barry’s trailer, snorting endless lines of the white powder, trying to shake off the sight of you from last night.

“country club, you good?” barry asked, and rafe didn’t respond. “you don’t seem well, bro.”

“just need this shit, okay?” rafe mumbled, separating another drop of cocaine. “just… just want to sleep, need it.”

barry didn’t want to push him with more questions, minding his own business as the blond haired boy snorted up excessive amounts of lines.

rafe ended falling asleep on his couch, barry mindlessly scrolling on his own phone as he laid down on his bed.

the cold air from the air conditioner ran around in the basement, making it more freezing and chilling than usual.

rafe could smell strawberry perfume, indicating you were around. he looked around, and saw nothing of you.

“where are you!” he screamed. “you can’t scare me, you bitch!”

“i’m not here to scare you,” you talked, rafe spinning around to find you perched in the corner of the basement. you careened closer, the dim light emphasizing on your mangled body.

rafe stared at your stomach, where immense stab wounds laid on it. he swallowed thickly, his breath shaking and jagged.

“do you feel sick?” you asked, and rafe looked up at you. he couldn’t move in this dream, he was paralyzed and a witness to your lacerated body.

nausea and despair washed over rafe, almost consuming him entirely.

you were finally face to face with him, your hair disheveled and bunched, face stained with tears and runny makeup, all for him to look at.

rafe could feel your physical touch, your soft hand grabbing his, and made his palm touch your abdomen. he almost fucking threw up.

you could see it, you could see he was wanting to vomit everywhere. “am i making you feel sick?” you asked, and rafe shivered, forcing his hand to put more pressure on your stomach, blood rushing out onto it. “am i making you feel sick?”

rafe screamed and lurched up, his eyes opening and alarming barry. “woah, what the fuck, rafe!” barry shouted, and rafe breathed rapidly, his heart thumping against his chest, a need to vomit.

rafe brought his face into his hands, trying to shake everything out of his hand.

your face, your touch, your blood — he felt it all. he was being reminded of you, when he didn’t want to.

barry kept asking him what was wrong, why he was crying, if he was okay, but all rafe could focus on was your voice asking, “am i making you feel sick?”

he was no longer immune to his destruction. he was becoming infected by it. you were a disease that he couldn’t treat, a parasite that ate at his brain.

he would never get rid of you — and you would make sure that he never did.

it was month seven without you, and you became a faded name to the outer banks. the only people who lived on to tell your name was your parents, and your best friends. the pogues carved your name into the chateau’s tree, a ceremonial bench placed at the high school.

your body or you weren’t ever discovered, but the police had listed you as deceased. you weren’t a runaway, you were eighteen, and had nothing to runaway for. when you couldn’t be traced anywhere on the grid, the police pronounced you dead, and that was that.

pictures of you and any sort of evidence remained in a cardboard box somewhere in the police station. you were left to rot in every way.

you were tired of being forgotten, but more exhausted that nobody knew that your boyfriend did this, and you probably weren’t going to be the first girl he killed.

rafe cameron needed to know what he did, and you wanted to do everything you could to make him drag himself to the police station, sit down, and say, “i killed her — and i enjoyed every fucking second of it.”

madness was becoming rafe. he was already an insane, depraved fuck before, but the lack of sleep and memories of the murder were catching up to him for good.

dark circles were around his eyes, hair greasy and messy, his body tired. he felt like he was going to snap any second.

he kept drinking, smoking weed and doing coke back to back, surprised that his heart didn’t give out yet.

a random exhaustion toll pushed over him, laying him down on the floor of his bedroom, and his eyes threatened to snap shut.

he didn’t want to sleep, he was afraid to. he was afraid to see you, with your bloody dress and sad face, making him touch your wounds.

rafe didn’t win the fight of sleeping, and he knocked out cold on his bedroom floor.

he wasn’t in the basement, he was in his bedroom, and he could hear your feet padding away to the front of the house, to your car.

oh, he was reliving the night. and he couldn’t stop. he couldn’t get out of the memory — he was facing everything.

he saw you bloody by his doorframe, and you tilted your head. “why are you doing this?” he asked, his voice sounding as if he was trapped in a void.

you only frowned. “so you know.”

like a reflex, rafe hurriedly rushed over to you outside before you could get away, seizing you away, and taking you to the basement.

he pinned you down to the ground, and screamed at you to stop crying, upset and angry you were willing to betray him when he did everything for you.

you were sobbing, but it became echoes and his ears rang, everything around him becoming silent except his own heavy breathing. he grabbed the knife that sat in his pocket, and he could see your eyes widen with fear to the sight of the object.

“rafe!” you screamed in the first stab. he hit you sharp and right in the abdomen.

he held his knife there for a second, like time was freezing him, and he felt a hot breath at the side of his face.

it was you.

“am i making you feel sick?” you asked, and rafe proceeded to stab you as you sobbed. you cried out his name, trying to fight away the knife, promising to be good and for him to stop.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

rafe couldn’t stop, he couldn’t control himself. he kept stabbing you as you screamed. he was a monster, with the inability to suppress his anger or violence.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

a part you thought you were making him feel sick because of how mutilated your body was; that the body he was once desired, was now filling him with disgust. you wondered if how butchered you looked, was making him uncomfortable and sick. he didn’t deserve your concern, but it happened anyway. was it making him sick?

rafe wanted to cry, but couldn’t. he was revisiting the person he was in this moment, and could see life vanish from your eyes, death taking you away.

he took one last stab, and held it there like the first one. you kneeled in front of him, looking over at your corpse for a moment before your eyes settled into his raging ones.

he held prolonged eye contact with you as you inched your face close to his, but kept a safe distance. you placed your hand on top of his murdering one, and with a blank face, lastly asking him, “am i making you feel sick?”

rafe broke eye contact with you to look at your deceased body, and realized and remembered this murder. your organs could be nearly seen, blood gushed and poured out everywhere, your body cold and still.

he dropped the knife, and eyed you. “i’m sorry.”

you shook your head, and sighed. “you will revisit this everyday as long as you live,” you said, sniffling. “all i wanted was to be yours, and be good enough, rafe. was i no good?”

he didn’t have an answer, and with that, you got up, staring over at your body. “i want you to know,” you chuckled softly to yourself, “i never blamed you for loving me the way that you did. i forgive you, especially since i’m happier where i’m at.”

“heaven?” rafe asked.

you nodded. “you won’t make it here, but i’ll still hope and wait that you do — because i love you too much to let god be angry with you too.”

“he’s an angry man?”

“he’s angry and unfair,” you responded. “like someone i know. i loved god, i loved you; two men who didn’t view me as much, who don’t deserve for me to believe in them.”

rafe went quiet, and enough time went by for you to disappear for good to let rafe cry, and scream. he cried and sobbed, dry heaving as he vomited everywhere to the sight of you.

he killed you, and as long as he kept it to himself, you would drive him mad and insane with the knowing of it.

rafe cameron confessed to your murder only hours later. he drove himself to the police station, and confessed to every detail, telling sheriff shope where your body was.

they found your maimed body in the exact location where rafe told them it was, your body already decomposing into near bones, eaten by critters and bugs.

the earth was consuming you.

he was hated forever, the town wanted him torched or given the death penalty. it would be a while until he got a trial.

your funeral could be proper with your body in a casket, given a rightful way to be down in the ground, protected and secured by a box stuffed with silk fabric.

you could see your mom cry, and you wish she wouldn’t. your father had to give the prayer at your funeral, your best friends sobbing, and hating themselves for not getting you away from rafe sooner.

however, your death was simply inevitable. if rafe didn’t kill you, your love for him would. he was everything to you.

even when he was murdering you — getting a vile satisfaction from it — you were worried about him, if you and your maimed body was making him feel more nauseous and sick than the actual murder was.

rafe would live with the knowing that you truly loved him, and he took your life every single day that he spent in a prison block cell.

and your ghost would continue to linger and haunt him, never letting him know peace and serenity as he never did to you.

[itsthestutterforme]

“Invisible String” 2/2 (Rafe Cameron x black!reader)

Summary: It’s been three months since you’ve no contact with Rafe. Then one random night he calls you in the middle of the night to tell you that he’s been shot.

Notes: GIF is not mine, this isn’t beta’d, angst, reader is in love with Rafe

**

Rafe hasn’t left your mind since you got back from winter break.

The last few days of winter break was a blur. You had cried the entire ride back to your house where Wheezie and Cane were waiting for you.

So you knew you had to pull yourself together so Wheezie wouldn’t worry, but she already knew. She knew how it was going to end the second you left to go looking for her brother.

He’s changed since you left for college and Wheezie definitely noticed. Her and him weren’t close but anyone with eyes could see how you made Rafe better.

“What did he say?” Wheezie had asked you when you walked back through the door. “He uh.. he said he didn’t want to leave. How long has been like this?” You asked. “I think it was sometime after he helped you move to college,”

The conversation echoed through your head. The incessant buzzing from your phone pulled you out of your sleep. You’d hardly call it sleep. All you were doing was closing your eyes while your thoughts went rampid.

Picking up your phone, your eyes widened when Rafe’s picture appeared on your phone. You had immediately answered, not caring if you looked desperate.

You missed him. You missed how things were before you went to Duke. You weren’t sure what you expected when you picked up but anything would have worked for you.

“Rafe?” You whispered, not wanting to wake your roommate. All you heard was Rafe’s heavy breathing. “Hello?”

“Y/N? Y/N, I-“ he choked on a cough, “I need you. I-I’ve been shot,” “Oh my God. Send me your location now, Rafe! I’ll call the police. Just put pressure on the wound.” “Okay, okay,” tears swelled in your eyes when you heard his strained voice. Your phone chimed with his location.

“Is it bad?” You asked, but you were answered with pained groans. “Rafe! Tell me how bad is it?” Your roommate stirred in her bed but you didn’t care at this point.

“I got hit.. in my leg,” Your heart was beating in your ears at this point. You prayed that he wasn’t hit in his femoral artery. He would bleed out in seconds.

“Just apply pressure to the wound okay?” You tell him. Jumping off your bed, you took your roommate’s phone in your hands. Swiping to the emergency screen on her phone, you dialed 911.

“911, what’s your emergency?” “Hello? Um my friend was just shot in the leg,” you gave her the address and she deployed the ambulance. She said it was six minutes out. You just hoped that he has that long.

“Okay, thank you so much.” You said to the operator before hanging up. “Rafe, you still there? The ambulance is six minutes away. You have to be awake when they get there, okay?” “Okay,” he says faintly.

“I mean it, Rafe. Do. Not. Close. Your. Eyes.” “I said okay, Y/N.” You let out a shaky sigh. Putting him on speaker, you rushed to put on the nearest sweatpants and sweater.

Slipping on your favorite pair of fuzzy crocs, you grabbed your purse and ran out of the dorm. “Are you running?” He asks once he heard your uneven breathing. “I’m running to my car. Yeah. I’m coming to Outter Banks,” You unlocked the car and tossed your purse in the passenger seat as you slid in.

“No. I’ll be okay, baby. You don’t have to-“ “I’m going. You’re not going to change my mind. Just focus on staying awake, Rafe.” Starting the car, you reversed out of the spot and made your way to the freeway you know very well.

He hums in response. Wait a second, did he just call you baby?

“Rafe?” You croaked, your chest heaved as you tried to control your sobs when you didn’t hear anything. You couldn’t even hear his breathing.

“Please don’t die,” you begged. Not a few moments later, you heard a door burst open and the sound of a radio getting closer.

“Oh Thank God,” you said, wiping away some of your tears. The commotion from tending to his wounds and putting him on a gurney calmed you. At least he was getting the help that he needed.

You heard small clips of information from the EMT saying that the bullet didn’t nick the femoral artery, which was your main concern.

The last thing you heard was the door slamming shut. The sirens sounded further and further from the phone and you took that as a sign to hang up. Once you clicked the red button, your breath caught in your throat from how frantic you were sobbing.

You pressed a hand on your chest to control yourself but your breathing only came in short gasps. You pulled over to the side of the road, your throat scratched raw from the crying.

“Whoa, what’s happening?” Rafe knelt down next to you. His hands cupped your cheeks and lifted up so you were looking at him.

“What’s going on?” “Can’t-can’t breathe,” you choked out. Tears blurred your vision and you could barely feel your hands at this point.

Rafe looked unsure of what to do. He scanned your body for injuries and didn’t see anything. You weren’t even bleeding. “Should I call an ambulance?”

You shook your head no and pushed his hands away from your face as you tried to take a deep breath. “Panic atta..” you lungs contracted and burned from the lack of oxygen.

“Panic attack? You’re having a panic attack? Oh shit, okay.” He took your hands into his and rubbed the back of your hands with his thumb.

“Okay, I need you to follow what I’m saying. Alright? Take some deep breathes with me,” you tried to say that you couldn’t but the words caught in your throat.

“In,” he inhaled deeply, “Out,” he said on the exhale. Your eyes searched his as you subconsciously followed what he was saying. In. Out.

“How did you do that?” “Wheezie used to have panic attacks whenever we tried to take her to school. There was this kid bullying her,” Rafe explains.

“But what’s going on? Why are you panicking?” He adds, squeezing your hands. “I’m scared of boats,” you hesitate and Rafe was quiet for a moment.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me anything?” He snaps. “I didn’t want you to make fun of me,” you snapped back. “I wouldn’t do that,” “You did before,” you tried to pull away from his hands but he kept his grip.

“I wouldn’t have teased you for that. You need to promise me that next time you’re nervous about something, you tell me.” “Say it,” he adds.

“I promise,” “Good. I’ll tell the boys to turn the boat around,” your eyes widen when he goes to stand up. “No! No, I’ll be okay. I just have to thug it out,”

“You don’t have to thug anything out. You’re uncomfortable. That’s enough reason for me.” “Rafe, please.”

He stares at you and watched as you wiped away the tears before they dried on your cheeks. “Fine, but I’m staying down here with you,”

“Thank you,” you said after a few moments of silence. “Of course,”

The memory relaxed you the point where your breathing was back to normal. Resting your head against the seat, you take a moment to compose yourself before merging back on the highway.

By the time you got to Outter Banks, the sun had risen and your eyes felt heavy. But you had to see him.

“Hi, I’m here for Rafe Cameron,” you told the nurse at the front desk.

“Are you alright, ma’am? You look like you’re about to pass out,” “Oh, no. I’m fine. I’ve just been driving all night to get here.”

“You should sit down,” “I will. Once I see him, please.” “Are you family?” “Practically, yes.” “Well we can’t allow non-family members back in the rooms, miss. It’s policy.”

“Ma’am, has anyone been in to see him since he’s been here?” You asked. She checked the log on the computer.

“No, they haven’t.” “Well I assure you that’s not going to change. He’s.. separated from his family. They practically disowned him. Please ma’am. I’m all he has and I thought he wasn’t going to make it.” Your voice became shaky over the last few words.

She gives you a sympathetic look. “Of course, sweetie. I’m so sorry to hear that. He’s in room 208.” “Thank you,” you said breathlessly.

Moving to walk down the hall, she calls after you. “I’ll have a nurse come in to check your vitals just in case, alright?”

“Okay,” you gave her an appreciative look before going to find Rafe’s room.

Thankfully it was the third room on the left. For the first time in hours, you felt like you could breathe again.

Rafe’s eyes snapped from the TV to you and he let out a breath. “Y/N,” Rafe says, attempting to sit up. “You look.. you don’t look good, Rafe.”

You were hesitant in entering the room.

He was in worse shape than you thought. He had a black eye and a busted lip. He had a few bruises littering his left cheek.

His right leg was wrapped and elevated to prevent swelling. If that’s just what his face looked like, you could only imagine what the rest of him looked like.

“I know you probably hate me right now,” “I don’t hate you, Rafe.” You finally crossed the threshold and approached his bed side.

“Oh God,” you covered your mouth at when you got a closer look at his injuries. “I’m so sorry,” you croaked, tears staining your cheeks. “It’s not your fault,” “Did you need surgery?”

“Yeah, one of my kidneys ruptured so they went in to fix it.” You let out a sob in your hand as the realization came in front of you.

If you hadn’t called the ambulance when you did, Rafe wouldn’t be alive right now.

“I’m surprised you came,” “Of course I came. You’re my best friend. Just because we had a break from things, doesn’t mean you stopped being my best friend.” You reassured, you watched tears run down his cheeks. He groaned as he tried to sit up once again and reached for you.

You wrapped your arms around him, careful not to apply too much pressure. But he didn’t care as he proceeded to crush you with his arms.

“I fucked up, Y/N. I am so sorry.” He says into your neck. You pulled away and held his face, examining his injuries at a closer look when you felt a weird sensation behind your eyes.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Rafe’s voice sounded like it was a mile away.

Your body felt like you were levitating off the ground and black wisps crept into your vision. You must of fell because you felt the cold tile of the hospital floor against your cheek.

You could feel the blood rushing to your face, the left side of your face felt warm. The last thing you heard was Rafe yelling for a nurse.

[wanderingpages]

‧͙⁺˚･༓☾Gentle Sins AU☽༓･˚⁺‧͙

“Are you going to help me take my clothes off too?” I meant it to sound teasing – I wanted to show him I could play his game too – but I was breathless, I was buzzing with anticipation.

“You know it wouldn’t end there, Jude,” he gave me a wry look. “It's a shame,” he rose and ruffled my hair, “It's a shame you’re my sister,” he murmured, needlessly reminding me. “Because that was some damn fine pussy, baby.”

TFOTA // All Human // AU : Jude and Cardan do things step-siblings shouldn't do.

Trigger Warnings: Crude language, Allusions to Drugs/Alcohol, Debauching Catholicism/Religious Metaphors, Taboo Sex.

Shoutout @headcannonxgalore for holding down the set ❤️

Jude's POV

Cardan is never home – at least not when I am, which is usually always. As far as I knew, he stayed with his dad, went on long vacations, and otherwise only met up with his mom once in a while. So, it irks me a little when I see him waiting for me after my last final, asking, “Are you ready to head home?” Home – as in my home.  

He waits for me to pack and say goodbye to my friends, then leads me to his car, and holds the door open for me. “You’re staying with us?” I ask a few minutes into the drive, finding whatever was on the radio to be a little annoying and dull. I open the glove compartment, nosily, sifting through the pack of wipes and snackbars, and pull out a thin worn out book. It’s mostly a discolored yellow, with red writing, in french, La Chute – The Fall by Albert Camus. I flip through the pages, surprised to see dog ears and sticky notes throughout. 

“My father isn’t in the country, and why be alone, when I can be with my favorite sister?” His eyes are on the road but his wry smile is directed at me when I glance up at him. He reaches over and takes the book from me, tossing it to the back of the car. “You don't need existentialism now, Jude.”

I grimace; it’s not as if I could read French anyways, though it is surprising that Cardan has that copy in its original language. “Is it your favorite?” I ask. I wiggle my brows, “Do you think you, too, have fallen from grace?”

His smile is Cheshire in response, “Since the day I met you, little sister.” I cross my eyes upwards. 

I scrunch my nose,“You can be so….” I trail off, wanting to say infuriating or annoying, but I didn't really need to, he already guesses it. 

He responds, “Likewise.” He must sense the incredulous look I give him because he checks me, “You could have said no. To the drive home,” he says, for instance. “Me, in your dorm,” he begins to list, making me feel incredibly self aware. “Walking you home from the party – being in the same room as me at that party, actually. Ghost would have found someplace else if you asked. Even prior to that,” Cardan tells me, “You could have told me no at the reception. But you didn't. We have these cute little trysts for a few hours and then you pretend it’s never happened. I guess you’re kind of like your dad, in that way.” He says the last bit quietly, but I frown all the same. Before I can ask him what he means, he admits, “It’s okay, I’m like my dad too, for even putting up with it. I guess I like being strung along.”

“Cardan…”

“I like stringing you along, too. It's fun to see who’d last the longest. It’s fun to see how far this would go. Do I get to drag you to hell with me, little sister?”  I should be bothered by Cardan’s words, but he’s not wrong. His introspection makes the car feel stuffy, so I roll down the window and let the air rush in. He grins and turns the dial on the stereo louder, singing along softly to the lyrics as if they are proving his point. “And you'll find yourself praying up to Heaven above, but honestly I never had much sympathy 'cause those bad things, I always saw them coming for me…I'm gonna run, run away, run, run away, run away…” Bad Things by Cults – it is a jarring song; calm and disruptive, a lot like how it feels being in this small space with him. My pointer finger grazes the knuckle of my thumb absently. I rest my head back, listening to his voice. 

“You’re kind of a dick,” I finally tell him. Of course he knows this, but saying it out loud made me feel less lousy about how he’s painted me.

“I must have gotten it from Mom.” I frown at that, finding it to seem untrue. The more time I spend with Cardan, the more my view on my stepmother starts to shift

I hesitate to ask about his dad, to go back to the reason he’s driving me home – Asha’s first husband. Did Asha string him along? Is that what Cardan was getting at? Is she doing the same to my father and I? Is my father aware? “Why didn’t you…” I trail off when I realize it really isn’t  any of my business, but still, he prompts me to continue. “I mean, I guess, why didn’t you spend more time with Asha? Did she not have shared custody of you or something?”

His eyebrows shoot up, and I turn in my seat to look at him, waiting to see if he’d tell me to fuck off or not. What he says instead, throws me off, “Asha was deemed unfit to parent.” I blink hard at this, in disbelief. If he notices, he doesn't say anything about it. Instead, he shifts the conversation to me; asks about my mom.

“She… I don’t know,” I admit, probably for the first time in my life. “She left me – us, Dad and I, when I was five. I don’t know where she is. I think she’s started a new family somewhere else.” I face forward and rest my elbow on the door handle, absently nipping at my thumb. As an afterthought, I say, “Maybe she’s dead.” he hums out a response, but he has no clue of the spiral he’s sent me on. Or maybe he does, and that's why when we stop for gas at the next rest stop, he tosses me a first aid kit. He waits until I put the antiseptic cream on and wrap thin gauze around my knuckles. My cheeks heat; he had noticed when my fingers started to bleed. In truth, Cardan doesn't really even need gas, so I say thank you and give him a bright smile when I’m done. 

He tilts his head and reaches for my hair, brushing it back behind my ears. He looks like he wants to say something but thinks better of it at the last moment and instead asks if I’m hungry. “There’s a diner a few miles ahead.” biding more time with him, I nod my head and let him pay for a meal. 

The diner is cozy, but I’m not in the mood for a big meal, so I settle for a slice of cherry pie. We are at the darkest corner of the diner, and while it feels pretty private, I’m still keenly aware of the scatter of guests coming and going. Because of where we are seated, it takes some time for the waitress to notice, then even more time for our food and drinks to arrive. We are mostly forgotten here in this pocket of the diner. I don’t think I mind much, though.

I steer the conversation to less heavy and more neutral topics. I ask about the frat house and why he’s not actually a part of it. When he tells me his dad donates a hefty sum of money to the college, that surprises me. I guess, there really is a lot about him I had no idea of. “I'm an honorary member,” he shrugs, “It’s kind of hard not to be when Daddy funds their lifestyle.” I crack a smile because Cardan can be dorky sometimes. I ask about his relationships with the other members, I suppose wanting to know more about his stance on Ghost, really. If he would have been okay with anybody creeping into his room with me that night. “Ghost is my best friend. It would have been a fight had it been Locke or anyone else,” he divulges, and though I shouldn't be startled by his honesty, it still makes me feel a little too warm. Then he admits, maybe selfishly considering his track record for the past few weeks, “If he had gone further, I would have buried him.”

My eyes get wide and when I say, “That's not fair,” it comes out in a whisper.

“I know.” 

Cardan had ordered a burger, so when it finally arrives, he pushes the platter more to the center of the table and tells me to eat some of his fries; he halfheartedly jokes that I'd probably get sick if I only eat sugar for lunch. I take a few to appease him, nibbling them almost thoughtfully. “That's a visceral reaction,” I come to terms with. “Your best friend?” I blush when I remind him quietly, “you’re the one who told me to open my mouth.”

“I rather his load in your mouth than on your body or in your cunt,” he says graphically. I cough in shock but he’s not bothered. “Plus, I think you look cute with a dick in your mouth.”

I scowl at him after reaching for a sip of soda. “What makes you think you have any right over my body?”

“I know I don't.” He picks at a fry, “I told you, baby, you could have said no.” I’m taken aback but I should know by now, my step brother is anything but a liar. I ponder his admittance of jealousy, but also his acceptance that he really had no say - only what I let him have say over, and I realize, I let him have say over a lot. “You could have ignored me and hopped on his dick. Maybe it would have been a blow to my ego, but then I probably wouldn't be in this diner right now with you.” He always says so much while saying so little, doesn't he? “Anyways, if you decide to tell me to fuck off and pursue Ghost instead, you should walk around with condoms, because I know he doesn’t.” It’s so offhanded that I don't even really process it as anything more than banter. 

“I’m on birth control,” I tell him indignantly, willfully ignoring all else that was said. “I don't want to be with Ghost, anyways.” I let him take that as he may and I dig into my pie as if to end the conversation there. I want to let him know I don’t want to be with him either, but that would be lying and despite myself, I just couldn’t tell Cardan to fuck off.  After a while, I notice him staring. “Do you want some of my pie,” I offer.

“Is that a euphemism?”

I shift my head to the side as if I’m actually thinking about it. My feet finds his under the table, and with my legs crossed, I have enough leverage to use my ankle to softly graze up his leg. “Do you want it to be?”

He catches hold of my ankle, uncrossing my legs to place my foot on his thigh. I lean back in the booth a little awkwardly, and lick at my cherry coated spoon. “What's the pipeline between mommy issues and wanting to bend your sister over the bathroom sink?” Cardan muses.

“Stepsister,” I tell him. I wiggle my foot in his grip. I have on snow boots and leggings, not at all looking as sexy as I feel right now. 

He shrugs and with his free hand, reaches across the table and dips two fingers into the center of the slice. “It makes no difference to me, Jude. Sister or not, I’d want you the same way I wanted you then, the same way I want you now.”  I watch as he pulls them out slowly, completely coating his fingers with the sticky sweet maroon. I follow his fingers to where he hovers them in front of his mouth then sticks his tongue out and flattens it against his digits, tasting the honeyed tart. I shiver and twist in my seat, eyes slowly drifting up to find his dark ones already piercing into my soul. 

“And…” my words come out breathy against my will. “How do you want me, now?” I play with fire to condition myself. Hell is hot, I’ve heard, and maybe Cardan does get to drag me there with him.

“I want you to copy me,” he says, huskily, startling me, my eyes growing wide. “I want you to stick your fingers in your panties and do what I do.”

My breathing gets erratic in mere seconds. I look around the near empty diner, like if I’m actually contemplating it. “You’re crazy,” I whisper. His eyes are teasing, daring me to say no to him, proving his point all over again when I don’t.

Cardan grins, “Take your jacket off, put it on over your lap. Don’t worry, baby sister, it’ll be our little secret.” His teeth scrape the tip of his fingers. I’m crazy, too, I think, as I do exactly what he asks. “I bet it’s already wet,” he leans over the table, talking quietly. I slip my hand beneath the elastic material of my leggings then under the cotton of my panties, glancing to see if anyone had caught on. Cardan catches my chin, fingerprinting it red and turning me to face him. “Is it?”

“Yes,” I whisper, embarrassed, but not enough to stop. “Soaking.”

“Good girl. Now watch,” he instructs, leaning back. He guides my leg to the side of him, spreading my thighs wider. He takes his cherried fingers and separates them into a V Shape. The tip of his tongue traces the inner part, slowly. I swallow thickly, shaking as I let my fingers follow along, circling the outside of my pussy, mirroring his movements. 

My leg beside him starts to tremble, but with his free hand, he holds me still, caressing me soothingly. He tongues the crook of his fingers and I hesitate before I begin rubbing my clit with matching vigor. My eyes flutter, and I try to hold in an embarrassing noise as my head falls back against the cushioned seat. My eyes are still trying to focus on him, matching the pressure, matching the rhythm, though struggling to even stay at half mast.  I bite my lower lip when he presses his fingers together and strokes between them wetly. He licks his own lips then asks, “How do you feel?”

“Good,” I mumble. Scared – “Nervous,” I admit, looking at him with blown out eyes and heat erupting all over my body. My fingers shake, but the shallow caresses make me shamefully wet. “Cardan,” I silently plead, my chest moving up and down sporadically, my stomach tightening, muscles contorting. “Come here,” I beg.

Without a word, Cardan complies, getting up from his seat to sit right next to me. I pivot slightly, leaning sideways into the booth. He strokes my hair back soothingly, and traces my lips with his still stained fingers. My lips part, just a taste of the cherries slipping through. I moan quietly and he says, “Don’t stop, okay, Jude?” I nod my head as much as I can with the way he holds me. He paints my lips methodically, over and over, and I find my fingers mirroring him between my legs. He watches, fixated on the way my mouth parts and moves, gasping and widening for his fingers to slip through. “I think…I want to do to you what Spring does to cherry trees,” he murmurs. “Open you up…watch you bloom.” 

My eyes screw shut tightly. His fingers probe my mouth, pressing down on my tongue. My fingers slide in too, entering with a slow pressure. He strokes inside my mouth and when he tells me to suck it clean, my stomach knots in response. I do; I suck until there is no trace of cherry left, no red stains or residue, and I finger myself in tandem. He pulls out of my mouth, a trail of spit losing connection when he finds his way under the jacket, following my hand, and adding his finger to my two. I whimper at his intrusion, and think, disoriented, three. Three fingers. 

He licks up my chin before he kisses me, letting me taste the forgotten smudge he’d left on me, while he slowly works both our digits inside of me the way he wants. I hold on to his sweater with my free hand, fingers gripping tightly as my toes begin to curl. My painfully quiet whines are being swallowed by him greedily. 

I yank him closer to me when the waitress comes by. I forget to breathe when she makes a squeak and with horror, my eyes flit to her blushing cheeks. She smiles bashfully, “Oh don’t mind me,” she says, not at all realizing what is happening under the table, “Here’s the bill, you love birds,” she giggled. God, we must look like teenagers making out back here.

Cardan pulls away only slightly, fingers replacing my frozen ones gently pushing them away, and sliding his two fingers deeper into me. My head falls forward, hiding my face in his sweater when he curves them just right. “Sorry,” He tells the waitress, holding my gaze. “I just missed her so much,” he lies. “Missed her in my arms,” he murmurs.

“Oh hush, don't be sorry,” the waitress says almost fondly and I feel only partially sick over it. She sounds further away, “I was young once too.” 

“Missed her pretty face when I made her come,” Cardan continues, speaking to me alone, lips touching mine every so often. He pumps me faster and I take a chunk of his sweater into my mouth, biting down on it so hard my jaw hurts. “Missed the way she felt when her pussy gripped my fingers.” I feel like I’m on the brink of death, gasping for breath, eyes starting to gloss. He holds my head back, making sure I’m in view of him. My ears feel like I’m underwater; everything is static except for Cardan and his words. For a moment, I forget where I am. He swallows my screams when I can't hold back, rubbing his fingers roughly, forcing my body to twitch against his. I bite down on his lips so hard but he takes it in stride, until I’m slumped against him, feeling absolutely weightless. He pulls away from me to kiss my forehead too softly for the utter seismic orgasm he’d just given me. When I lean back, Cardan looks as flushed as I feel. For once, his cheeks are the ones that are red and his forehead is glistening with sweat. His eyes are dazed, his lips swollen and red. 

“I… Are you okay?” I asked almost in a slur. I trace his cheek up to his ear, flicking the cross earring dangling from the first piercing. His dark eyes pierce mine when he brings his still wet fingers to his mouth and sucks them clean.

He smiles languidly, reaching in his pocket for a few bills I know is far over the actual amount necessary. He gets up first and leads me out of the booth. I use my jacket to cover myself up, and in a muddle, we walk out of the diner, hand in hand. 

He kisses me sweetly when we get to his car, and I kiss him back, because we can, for right now. He opens his trunk and I dig out the first pair of necessary clothing I find in my overnight bag and then he opens the door to the backseat for me, standing lookout as I awkwardly try to change.

“Cardan?” I ask when we’re on the road again. “Are you okay?” he’d been silent since I asked the first time back at the diner, I realize belatedly.

His smile is lazy and maybe even disoriented. “I don’t even like cherries,” he finally mumbles. 

I glance at his fingers instinctively, like I can still see the filling there. “Is it…is it out of your system?”

His brows furrow almost comically. “Cherries?”

“Me,” I tell him. When he doesn't answer, I explain, “We can't do this at home, Cardan… our parents…” he snorts at that, but never really gives me an answer.

←Prev Part ∞ Next Part →

Masterlist

Gentle Sins Masterlist

[briannabarbaro]

Letters to God

November 15, 2023

I started to write this on October 6 and found it incomplete when I opened this app:

I am in love with a boy. I feel giddy. He is what I want. He checks off every box. Even the silly ones that shouldn’t matter much. He makes me laugh. He makes me so comfortable. And most importantly, he is RUNNING after you. He is seeking you out diligently.

But he is currently seeing someone.

I came here to write my thoughts down. I feel like the last few weeks, I’ve felt nothing. I felt like I was over it. I was content waiting for someone else.

But tonight.

Tonight it all came rushing back. I saw him and felt nothing. Even cracked a quick joke. He actually said he felt like vacation was a waste of time. My initial thought was “no way could we be compatible.” So, I said, “WHAT! If I could take a 6 month vacation twice a year, I would.” And he laughed a little. I felt normal, like any desire to be with him was gone.

Until he said my name and looked at me a little too long, with a smile on his face; happy to see me. It felt like he was seeing right through me. But it felt electric. Like it was intentional. Like there’s something that is drawing him to me. There was a sweetness in his gaze. It reminded me of the eyes of a child. Glistening with excitement. It was like a lover’s gaze. One that feels like home.

Maybe I am reading into it. Maybe I am just emotional.

Steph asked me to sing. And I did. And he was playful about it. Gassing me up & calling me nicknames that no one else knew I had.

I went to leave and he said goodbye. I sparked a conversation (intentionally) and we walked and talked together until we got to the parking lot. I always see my life through the lens of a movie. This felt like a movie moment—a crisp, November night. In winter jackets, strolling along. We talked for a bit and then hugged goodbye and left.

And I feel dumb.

I feel stupid.

Too many people saw. Too many people watched me try to feel something with a man that’s taken.

Including his brother.

I knew I was talking too long. I knew I was being too obvious. I feel so stupid.

I went in my car and cried. How could I have so much chemistry with someone? Is it one sided?

Lord, I feel like I keep hearing you say it’s coming. I hear you tell me to just be patient. Soon. But I don’t want to be hung up on a man that isn’t for me.

In this moment I hear, “he is for you.”

It feels weird. It feels like when I want to cry about it, it’s almost like my spirit is saying the opposite. To stay hopeful and hold on. That this is it. I just feel like I was wrong so many times before. I’m trying to prepare my heart to be wrong.

I’m afraid of being hurt. I’m afraid of not genuinely being loved.

Lord, I’m trusting you; whether it’s him or not. I just pray for clarity.

Amen.

[midsummereve1993]

leavening memories behind

 @youlightmeupfinn @appetite4savage @niksixx @valeriiecameron @bvcksmunson @la-undercover-latina

I thought since it was Christmas today that I publish the story i’v be working on since Friday, fits the hoilday and gonna try and get more out today depending on if i’m to finished them.

A/n please let me know what you think about the story/

Warnings talk of childbirth.

December 24 2022 10:00 am

Kaitlyn stared at the road ahead of her and hope she would make it in time to see her dad and stepmom, as she drove she felt a kick and placed her hand on her stomach and rubbed it. “i know baby, you don’t like the long trip, but this is important because grandpa and grandma will be happy to see us she said as she felt a kick followed by a cramp that made her jump as she winced.

All mouring, she had been having cramps and thought they were just her baby kicking, but now she is realizing they are contractions and she is possibly in labor, which made her panic, she had one minute left before she hit her dad's hosue and only pray that she would make it. "Just hang in there, baby," she said as she kept on driving and saw the house in front of her as she shut the car off and got out. Walking the stairs, and once she hit, she had to atop and hold on to the wall to steady herself as another contraction hit her.

"Oooo she said breathing heavily as she heard the door open and come face to face with her stepmother who looked completely shocked to see her, "Kaitlyn sweetie seraina said as she helped the young girl in and couldn't help but feel for the young girl. "I was gonna surprise yall but I think I'm in labor and now I don't know what to do Kaitlyn said with tears flowing down her face as she gripped her stepmother hand as another contraction hit her forcing her to yell .

"Juat breath baby just breath seraina said before she hollers for her husband to come into the living room, mick come around the corner and stop dead in his tracks as she took in his daughter position and rushed over to her. "Hi, Daddy," she said as another contraction gripped her, making her wince in pain. "Ooooooo, there getting stronger she said as mick rubbed her back and looked to his wife. They both knew Kaitlyn and knew she wanted homebirth, and it looked like she would be getting one here at the house.

"Ok, sweetheart, let's get you up to the guest room and lay you down seraina said as she and mick helped her up the every few minutes when a contraction would hit. Once they hit the guest room, they laid her down as she yelp in pain again, "Sweetheart, I need to check you, seraina said as she pulled Kaitlyn pants down and stuck her hand between her legs making the Young girl wince.

"Well your a five so you be in labor for a while she said as she took the gloves off and rubbed her stepdaughter legs, "this isn't the Christmas I expected mom which made seraina heart melt. When seraina came into the picture Kaitlyn was only eight so she pretty much helped raised the young girl into the women she is now, "I know honey but your here safe with us and we are gonna help you.

December 24 2022 12:00 pm

Twelve hours has gone by since Kaitlyn had appeared on her dad’s doorstep and she was now swatting on the floor as she rocked her hips back and forth trying to ease the pain she was feeling between her legs which made her yell out, “my hips my hips she said as seraina placed her hands on her hips and pressed into apply counter pressure.  “breath honey keep breathing you only feeling pain is because of the baby seraina said as she felt her daughter  relaxed and she took her hands off her hips. “i need to check you again honey she said as she. Placed a glove on and placed her hand in-between her daughter legs as the girl griped her dad’s hand, “your a big ten honey time to start pushing, “what no i ain’t ready to push she said as seraina rubbed her daughters legs.

“i know honey but you have no choice in the matter your daughter wants to meet you she said as she left the room to gather  supplies she needed to help welcome her granddaughter into the world, “you can do this honey i belive in you mick said as he kissed his daughter”s hand.”but dad what if I can’t or something goes wrong maybe we should head to the hospital, ‘you know there isn’t time for that because your daughter wants to meet you and there isn’t time to make it to the hospital. Seraina come back with the supplies and placed them on the bed as she come back to her daughter and got her daughter in i position to push.

“ok sweetie next time you have a contraction i want you to curl into that and push she said as Kaitlyn felt another contraction and she curled up with the help of her dad and begin to push, “perfect sweetie  seraina said watching as a tip of the baby head become visible. “oooo kaitlyn said falling back on the bed as she breath heavily as she felt another contraction she curled up again and begin to push, “ow fuck kaitlyn said once the contraction went away as she breathed heavily. “i can’t do this mom please take me to the hospital, “sweetie we can’t and you know that. “bysides tips of your daughter hand is visible and your nearly there seraina said as she saw mick face pale at the thought of his daughter being in pain and him not being able to make it go away.

“hear that baby, “your daughter is nearly here mick said as he kissed his daughter forehead as she curled up again and begin to push. “keep doing that honey and we be meeting your daughter soon seraina said as she watched more of the baby come into view. “Give me your hand baby seraina said as she took kaitlyn hand and placed it just above where the baby head is making kaitlyn cry, “daddy my baby is almost there she said looking at her dad’s eyes as he bent down and give her a kiss on the forehead.

December 24 2022 1:00 pm

Three hours had gone by since kaitlyn started pushing and she was nearly at the finished line as seraina placed her hand on the approaching baby head, “ok sweetie now i need your to blow so you can give yourself time to stretch around the Baby head so you don’t tear seraina said as she saw her daughter breathing  exactly like she was told to, “please let me push please let me push kaitlyn said rocking her head back and forth at the intense  pressure that was building up. “Keep breathing baby please just keep breathing your almost done seraina said as mick rubbed her shoulders. “ok sweetie your done stretching so i need you to give me a push and the head will be here seraina said as kaitlyn curled up again and give the biggest push ever screaming as the head popped out as she fell back on the bed panting heavily.

“perfect honey the head is out seraina said tears in her eyes, mick turned his eyes toward his daughter as he kissed her hand. “hear that baby girl your nearly there he said as felt tears come to his eyes. This has be so strong during tense whole pregnancy and was able to travel all he way from Kansas to Tennessee by herself while in labor and he is so grateful that she is giving birth in his house and not on the side of the road. “ok sweetie i need you to give me one push and then your baby girl will be here seraina said as Kaitlyn curled up and give one big push and felt relief as seraina caught the baby as the baby let out a scream showing it was very unhappy with being taking out of there warm home.

Seraina quickly placed the baby on Kaitlyn chest as they young girl cried her heart out at the slight of her baby, “Kaitlyn you have a son seraina said as she watched Kaitlyn eyes go wide. “what but i brought all girls things she said as she looked down at her son who had calm down a lot since being laid on his mother’s chest. After being cleaned and weighed both kailtyn and her son were in the bed as mick looked down at his new grandson and felt tears come to his eyes. Seraina had stepped  out to go buy some boys clothes and other stuff as he chooses to say behind.

“dad look at him I can’t believe this little boy was inside me for eight mouths she said as she watched her dad looked her in the eyes with tears in his own, “i know honey i felt the same way when you was born. “Like I couldn’t belive this little girl i was holding was something i created with your mother and now she was here he said as she took his grandson hand in his. “have you thought of a name he said as he felt his grandson gripp his finger. “no not at first because i already had a girl name picked up but i got the perfect name out she said knowing it was the right choice.

“dad say hello to Peyton  Robert deal she said as she saw tears gather in her dad’s eyes as she give her a hug, “your sure baby he said not believing that his grandson was named after him. “yes daddy because you taught me so much but the one thing you taught me was never to give up on your dreams and for that you deserve to be honored she said as she felt her eyes become heavy. “why don’t you placed him down and get some sleep i will watched over him he said as his daughter drifted off to sleep and he held his grandson.

Seraina had come back from Walmart and heard not a sound which worried her but when she come to the guest bedroom she saw a slight that made her cry, her husband was siting in the chair next to there daughter holding there grandson singing a soft lullaby. “I never thought you singing a lullaby to our grandson makes me cry, “grandma seraina say hello to Peyton Robert deal. “she named him after me mick said as seraina felt more tears come to her eyes. From the moment she entered there life the bound between her husband and stepdaughter never  cease to amaze her but now that bound become stronger by welcoming there grandson into the world.

“fitting name for the man who give her everything she needed and aways taught here that she never needed to worry about love seraina said comming over and bent down to look at her grandson, “did i really make a impression on her. “baby that girl adores you and the fact that you were here to welcome her son into the world says everything.

For the rest of the day mick and seraina bounded with there grandson as there daughter sleep and the next day on Christmas did nothing but spend it with there daughter and new grandson.

[xzho-writes]

in my dreams, i see you

pairings: diluc, zhongli, kaeya x gn!reader (separate)

genre: angst/no comfort

summary: even in sleep are they unable to seek respite from the visions that haunt them in the day

wc: ~4k; 1.3k (diluc) 1.5k (zhongli) 1.2k (kaeya)

warnings: angst, graphic depictions of violence, major character death, blood, spoilers for all three’s backstory, canon divergence (diluc + kaeya)

extra notes: i didn’t fit the rest of the guys in cause i felt like this idea works better for these three :’) i’m sorry diluc, zhongli and kaeya kissers. it’s our time to suffer-

you can find my masterlist here

diluc

as quick as the wind, diluc races his way to mondstadt on the back of a great black steed he stole from a wondering traveler. the smell of smoke permeated the air along with something much more ominous: the stench of burning flesh.

he yanks on the reigns of the horse harshly to spur it as fast as it can go, uncaring of the animals discomfort. he had someone to find and he had better do it as quickly as possible.

screams tore through the atmosphere soon enough and alerted him to the the city of freedom- the city he was so hellbent on protecting. it was ablaze in a flame so great that even he flinched from the heat, and his heart rate skyrocketed at the ghastly sight. quickly he got off his mount and started desperately yelling out a name so familiar to him, hands cupped by his mouth to better project his voice.

“y/n! can you hear me?!”

he was met with an eerie silence, save for the crackling of the fire that roared all around him. completely panicked at the lack of response he sprinted as fast as he could around the burning walls. where the hell were you?

“y/n!”

diluc was shoved by the onslaught of people rushing to escape the dire situation but he pushed and pushed until there was no one but himself in the now-empty city. his legs shook as he kept himself upright.

“y/n! it’s me, diluc! where are you?!” he pleaded with the distress of a dying man. his head whipped left and right at a frightening speed, alert to any sound that may draw him to you.

“call out for me! please! i’m here! i-”

suddenly, his breath hitched. in the corner of his peripherals he could make out the hauntingly familiar shape of someone’s figure, and his heart dropped. turning his head slowly he was met with something he thought he’d never lay eyes upon.

on the trunk of a cedar tree was the body of his beloved stapled to it by a spear through their torso. your mouth hung slightly agape with dried blood staining your lips down to your chin. the eyes that had once held so much vigour in them were now void and lifeless.

diluc swore that that was the day his heart stopped for good.

eyes blown wide and with an arm shakily outstretched towards you he tentatively made his way to your body, lungs starting to hyperventilate and hands trembling.

no, no, no, he murmured as he shook his head.

a part of him prayed that it was just another civilian who looked eerily similar to you but the golden ring around your left finger solidified the truth;

on the sickeningly red tree was his dearly beloved partner.

diluc fell to his knees the moment he stood beside you.

“d-darling…? hey,” his voice wavered, hands coming up to lift your face. “this isn’t funny.”

you didn’t answer- you couldn’t answer. didn’t give him that smile full of mirth as you usually did.

but diluc was no fool. he was many things, but a fool was not one of them. he had known as soon as he saw that wretched weapon lodged in your stomach that you were long gone. history liked to repeat itself, it seemed.

on his hands was not only the blood of his father but the blood of his recently departed spouse.

he was too late.

still on his knees he swiftly removed the weapon from your torso and gathered your cold body into his arms, rocking you back and forth and cursing celestia for what they did to you. the aching soul screamed vehemently, uncaring of whatever lay witness to his torment.

diluc cared not for the blazing city around him; cared not for the sweltering heat licking at his heels or for the several other torn bodies strewn across the city grounds. he couldn’t. not when he was holding his whole world in his arms.

he continued to hold and rock you back and forth until the next day came, signified by the sun starting to peak over the distant plains that could be seen past the stone gate. his knees protested in pain but still he had refused to let you go. all his strength had run dry at that point but he couldn’t fathom the possibility of having you slip from his grasp forever.

though you couldn’t hear him diluc continued to whisper broken promises and apologies into your matted hair, smoothing it down with his shaky hands. with newly forming salty pearls landing on your face he peppered kisses to your forehead and cheek.

how cruel, thought.

the sunrise glinted off the metal band on your finger as he held your hand gingerly, observing the physical manifestation of his devotion to you and lacing his fingers through yours. diluc pressed your lifeless hand to his cheek and leaned into your icy touch, breaking down once more.

the widower wakes with a start. a choked sob escapes his chapped lips as he allows himself to sink back down onto the plush mattress.

he curls up into himself, a pitiful mass of tangled limbs and sheets on his lonely king-sized bed. one side of the bed that used to be taken up by a person he called his partner remains cold, untouched by its owner. he claws frantically at his chest as he unsuccessfully wills the tears to stop cascading down his puffy face. silent whimpers left his already irritated throat in an attempt to dissipate the suffocating feeling of utter agony from his body.

i’m sorry, he wails. i’m so sorry.

but nobody could hear him mourning. all the maids and workers had left the winery to return to their own homes, no doubt welcomed warmly by people they loved.

diluc would never have that same experience ever again. not when you’re no longer there beside him.

the area that encased his lamenting heart was sore and stained red due to the nails that repeatedly raked over them, tearing the soft skin and allowing small rivulets of blood to seep down his aching body.

the golden band- no, your golden band- on a chain around his neck was his only source of stability and so he clutched onto it like a lifeline, kissing it over and over again in apology.

each day spent without you he could feel himself slipping further into madness, slowly losing himself to grief. he often wondered how much longer he could go on for; diluc woke up each day hoping it was his very last.

he was no longer vigilant when scouring mondstadt at night, almost throwing himself into danger willingly. there was no drive to protect the city he once cared for. after all, a flame cannot continue to flicker without its fuel. simply put he was merely a husk of his former self, and nobody understood this more than his brother- kaeya alberich.

diluc no longer payed any mind to any of the teasing remarks thrown at him. no grunts of acknowledgment as kaeya tried to converse with him. he only worked silently, eyes vacant and hollow as they stared at nothing in particular whilst tending to the bar. though the two are no longer as close as they used to be, kaeya still worries for his clearly afflicted brother.

it was scary in a way. kaeya could always make out what diluc was thinking- estranged relationship or not. he often liked to joke about how much he knew diluc, but nowadays he feared that was no longer the case. every attempt he made to console the widower ended up fruitless; diluc usually replied with a faint ‘i’m fine’, if he ever decided to reply at all.

the traumatising event happened months ago, seven to be exact, but the scars it left behind were as fresh as the day they were wrought on. a father, a brother and, so very recently, a significant other? his other half? his soulmate?

soon, my love. i’ll be there soon. just wait for me, okay?

the last ragnvindr approached a nearby fatui camp one still night, hands by his side and a small defeated smile on his visage. empty was his back that usually carried the famous wolf’s gravestone.

zhongli

morax gripped the vortex vanquisher in his hand with a force that could crush bones with ease. tense were the shoulders that held his anxious head and rigid was the tail that lashed behind him in frustration.

he was waiting atop a great mountain at the place the pair of you had decided on, pacing back and forth on unsteady feet. seconds turned to minutes and minutes to hours, and soon enough, three days had passed since your agreed meeting date.

morax had never felt such trepidation.

in the distance one of his adepti approached him with her head hung low and it was clear that something had shaken her. the sight in it of itself was unnerving, for it wasn’t easy to strike fear within an illuminated beast. in her hand was something that caught the rays of the sun.

it was the hilt of your sword; the sword that he remembered forging fondly with his own two hands. a gift for you.

“what is the meaning of this?” morax demanded immediately.

“my lord…” the adepti began hesitantly once she was arms length away, kneeling swiftly. “t-they… they said they wanted me to give this to you. my sincerest apologies, my lord.”

tentatively she proceeded to stand once more before her liege who was waiting with an outstretched palm. she knew better than to speak in this moment for she could see how morax was starting to lose his composure.

his figure was as taut as the string of the largest war-bow and his great tail had stilled behind him. eyes of liquid amber glowed brighter at the mention of a certain someone and if she looked closer, she would be able to notice how her lord’s chest rose and fell at twice the speed that was considered normal.

“where did you find them?”

“in the cave under mount. aocang-”

morax left in a blaze of golden fury before the adepti could finish her sentence. he had what he needed and he couldn’t bear, nor afford, to lay waiting even a second longer. she could only hope that what greeted her master wasn’t what she feared.

with the speed that he took off in, it took less than a few seconds to find the cavernous location he was informed of. morax summoned his mighty spear in preparation for whatever else lay inside the cave. one could never be too cautious in times of war.

with practiced silence he made his way past the entrance of the cave and continued his way further in, eyes sharp for the person he was looking for. he was about to call out for you when a voice sputtered out from the darkness.

“m-morax…?”

and his ears perked up immediately at the sound. who knew that the simple whisper of his name was all it took to make the hairs at the back of his neck stand straight?

“y/n!” he replied in a heartbeat.

“ov-over here…!” a weak cry.

in an instant, morax took off in the direction of your voice and gripped his spear tighter in case he needed to dispatch a few unfortunate enemies along the way. there were no such enemies, but what met him at the end of the tunnel was something he had not anticipated.

before him was your battered body; grisly were the wounds that tore open your skin and let loose the precious blood he hated to see spilled on the battlefield. throwing the pole-arm to the ground in reckless abandon, the prime of the adepti crouched down before you and carefully, but hurriedly, pulled you into his warmth. the vortex vanquished clattered loudly on the unforgiving ground.

as much as he was loath to admit it, you both knew that it was unlikely for you to step foot out of this cave alive. your breathing had already slowed and the blade he had crafted for you lay shattered not far from your body.

you smiled regretfully up at him, eyebrows scrunched and lips in a thin upwards curve, and were about to speak when he had pressed his thumb to your lips to quieten you.

“rest now, dear frien—” morax hesitated. closing his eyes and letting out a huff of resignation soon after, he clasped a large and clawed hand around your significantly smaller one and brought it to his own quivering lips. he hated how fragile it felt in his grasp. “rest now, dear.”

even your playful, stubborn nature had all but disappeared for you didn’t toy with him as you usually did. you simply nodded feebly. his chest ached and he could only guess that it was due to the stabbing pain in his heart. though he was unfamiliar with the concept of emotions you had, along with his friend guizhong, taught him enough about himself to know what these feelings were.

what he wouldn’t give to have you teasing him again. he had told you many times in the past that you were nothing but a pest, but you never relented your assault on his poor soul nor had he purposely shoved you away. he had never told you but, as centuries passed, he found himself growing accustomed to your presence.

yearning for you when you had to leave his side for whatever damned reason.

he closed his eyes bitterly at the overhanging truth that this would be your final meeting. you could barely give him a lucid smile and so, in that moment, he did what felt best.

slowly, tenderly, morax let his forehead rest upon yours in a plea of forgiveness, mindful not to let his sharp horns scrape your head. you relished in the shared moment of vulnerability with him, closing your eyes and trying your best not to whimper at the bittersweet realisation.

he begged for forgiveness for not having reached you sooner- for not having searched for you sooner.

however, most importantly, it was an attempt to convey all of his feelings for you. he prayed that you understood him, for he did not know how to voice his innermost feelings. he resented himself for it.

“you always have,” he vowed in a whisper as he held you tighter. “so,” a sob croaked past his lips, “please understand- just once more. please.”

the two of you stayed like that until he felt you go limp. like two perfectly fitted puzzle pieces ripped away from each other, only possible due to events neither of you could have foreseen.

morax, god of geo and of war, howled in such anguish that the mountains of liyue shook and the ground quaked for miles. all could feel his grief.

a cold sweat coated zhongli’s body as he tossed and turned for the nth time that evening, breathing deeply to try and alleviate the rising pain in his chest. he slung his forearm over his eyes and a quick glance at the open bedroom window told him that it was barely past midnight.

it was never easy reliving that memory etched deep within the crevices of his mind. the old saying ‘time heals all wounds’ didn’t seem to apply to the ex-archon; this laceration felt as painful as the day you left him. zhongli sighed wearily as he felt the familiar sting of liquid filling his bottom lash.

quickly he wiped the tears away and sat up in his cot, planting his feet on the hardwood floor. he donned a thicker robe to keep out the cold as he made his way to a certain drawer in his room. taking another deep breath to steady himself, he held the knob and drew the furniture out just enough to take a peek at what lay inside.

a sigh of relief slipped past his lips as he caught sight of the familiar lustre of metal. zhongli delicately picked up the object before making his way back to bed. laying on his side he observed your sword’s hilt as if he hadn’t been the one who made it, running his thumb up and down its body.

it was smaller in comparison to the ones he forged for himself- lighter in weight but no less effective. it was adorned in intricate engravings and a single gem of cor lapis fit snugly on end of the piece of metal. checking it over once again, he smiled sadly at the little heart you had carved yourself that was placed next to your initials.

but what always seemed to move him the most were the words carved underneath your name, another one of your little additions. zhongli clutched the item close to his heart as he silently wept and let sleep overtake him once more. only in this plane of twisted reality could he see you once again- even if he had to relive that damned moment over and over torturously.

the words on your hilt rang true, but he loathed how he couldn’t do the same for you.

the faded carvings read:

“y/n, mighty and illuminated beast. morax’s right-hand. nothing shall harm my lord so long as i stay standing.”

kaeya

“i am disappointed, kaeya. i sent you here to infiltrate and scout this city, not to get cosy with its filthy inhabitants,” seethed a hulking man with hair as dark as the deepest ocean. “you would do well to remember the consequences of treachery.”

you desperately raked at the hands that were crushing your windpipe, trying not to let panic consume you as you pitifully tried to free yourself.

“is this,” the man continued as he thrust you forwards, the pressure on your neck growing, “the reason for your disloyalty? why you switched sides?”

black dots started to accumulate in the corners of your vision as a pitiful sound akin to a sob escaped your blue lips. breathing had all but become an impossible task at that point.

somewhere in the distance you could make out the distorted voice of someone near you accompanied with the sound of drawing metal. at least, that’s what it seemed like. you couldn’t really tell what was going on around you with how feverishly you were trying not to fall into the realm of the unconscious.

“let them go!” the same person roared.

as you begged your vision to focus, the sight that greeted you shattered whatever strength you had left in your heart:

before you was kaeya; clothes torn and blood seeping out the numerous lesions on his body. it frightened you. in all the years you’ve spent fighting alongside him, kaeya was never one to sustain such grave injuries. he was the best of the best- the most agile of sword fighters.

what was most unusual, however, was the lack of black fabric that usually kept his left eye hidden. in your hazy state you could make out the faint glow of yellow emitting from his elusive eye.

“master alberich! we must retreat now- there are too many reinforcements!” yelled an abyss herald who seemingly appeared out of nowhere, blade clashing against a knight whose face was blurred.

the man now known to you as an alberich scoffed. “tch. open up the rift. i’ve confirmed my suspicions.” he still hadn’t released you.

panic set in now. you thrashed and trashed as much as your body would allow, but it was fruitless. the male who had you in his vice grip brought you to his eye level, inspecting you, and a wicked smile grew on his lips.

there was a loud foreign sound from behind you and, suddenly, your world was engulfed in darkness.

“NO!” boomed the younger alberich. as quick as he could kaeya sprinted his way towards your retreating figure, a hand outstretched for you.

“kaeya!” diluc, who wasn’t physically fairing any better, cried out behind him. “don’t be daft, you’ll get killed!”

the aforementioned man stopped suddenly and slowly turned around to look at diluc straight in the eyes. no words were exchanged but the look on the captain’s face said it all.

diluc gulped. he knew that look on kaeya’s face; it was the one of unwavering determination. he deduced instantly what this meant, and kaeya knew that he understood his intentions.

on shaky feet the ragnvindr made his way towards the lonely alberich and placed both hands on his shoulders, giving him a firm squeeze. then he took hold of the back of kaeya’s head and held his forehead against his own.

“be careful out there, you hear?” diluc spoke sternly. “i’ve lost a brother once. i’m not willing to go through that again.”

tears pricked at kaeya’s eyes as he nodded solemnly, squeezing the ragnvindr just as tightly.

the bluenette wasn’t sure how much time had passed just standing there with his brother but he broke away from the embrace shortly after. with a nod, diluc stood straight as kaeya inevitably turned his back on him. he could only watch as his only surviving family bolted towards the closing rift. though diluc was by no means the most devout believer, he prayed to whatever could hear him for the both of your safeties.

the eldest of the brothers had no concern for his health at that moment as he threw himself into the void. there was only one thing on his mind;

i’ll find you, he vowed. i’m coming.

kaeya groaned as something wet made contact with his once-resting face. the sensation became more frequent and so he finally willed his heavy lids to open. pushing himself off the ground, kaeya alberich sat up and noted the location he was in. it was raining.

ah, he mumbled mentally. he was in a makeshift camp he found along the way. though he had no idea why there would be a safe point in a location such as this, he wasn’t ungrateful. he had learned long ago to never take anything for granted. surveying the area once more he noted that what he was in was most likely a ruined village.

standing up proved to be a difficult task as his legs protested in pain at even the slightest pressure he put on them. he scanned himself over; his clothes were in complete tatters and red stained the ground he had previously laid upon. it wasn’t a pretty sight, to put it bluntly. a realisation befell him suddenly.

quickly he tore off a piece of his remaining clothing and bound the left side of his face. it wouldn’t do well to expose his identity in a place he assumed was connected to the abyss in some way.

as he continued to pat himself down to check his appearance, however, he felt a strange lump in one of his pockets. carefully digging his hands in and taking the offending object out, kaeya had to fight the urge to fall to the ground again.

it was your locket; one that he remembered gifting to you for your first anniversary. shakily his deft fingers coaxed the piece of metal open and the photo inside caused a tremble to make its way along his body, reverberating off his bones.

the worn photo depicted the two of you together. more specifically, he recalled that this was taken at angel’s share on his birthday. you had slid your palm up to cup his cheek and placed a loving kiss to the warm skin there, smiling contently if not with a little mischief. amber had been the one to capture the precious moment on the traveler’s kamera. there was an uncharacteristic flush on the captain’s face.

aww, look at you, kae! you look adorable! how’s it feel to be in my shoes, huh? he remembers how you gushed about the photo for days after the event.

although his heart bled and his body ached, a newfound resolution burned brightly within the broken man. quickly he dusted himself off and made his way forward, even if his legs screamed at him to stop and his lungs begged him for a moment of respite.

though kaeya had no clue where he currently was, he was certain of one thing: he’d travel across the ends of teyvat just to find you.

and he swore he would clasp that necklace around your neck even if it was the last thing he’d do.

what he failed to notice, however, was the body laying by a shallow ditch in the nearby vicinity.

published on 13/03/22

[szasfuckingwife]

Druggie

Sanzu Haruchiyo x Reader

“You don’t get to call me that.”

If he allowed people to see how vulnerable he is, he’d be crying in front of you.

“That’s what you are, Sanzu, a druggie. And I’m sick of it.” You say as you grab all the pills and the bags of coke. He stands at the side of the room watching your every move, he knows he shouldn’t fight this.

It needs to be done.

“I’m doing this for your own good.” You wipe a tear as you flush everything down the toilet.

It’s like something in him clicks as he rushes to the bathroom, trying to save the last of the pills. He grabs your wrist, prying you off the pill bottle.

“Sanzu, get off.”

“No.”

“Sanzu-"

“NO!” He yells. Accidentally, he pushes you back. You collide against the wall, your head ringing as the pain increased.

But you didn’t know what hurt more, the fact that he pushed you, or the fact that he didn’t want to give up his drugs.

Looking you right in the eye, he shoved sone pills in his mouth. He emptied the bag of cocaine on the bathroom counter.

“Don’t fucking do it, Sanzu, I swear.” You’re scared of how raspy and shaky your voice is.

He scoffs and lowers his head, snorting whatever piece of cocaine he could.

That was it. You stormed out of the bathroom grabbing your keys and your jacket. He followed you for whatever reason, the white powder evident on his face. As much as he loved drugs, he loved you too.

“Don’t touch me.” You speak through gritted teeth.

“You’re not leaving me. B-babe, I was fine before. Whenever I was popping pills, nothing bad happened why is it different now.”

“Because I’m not gonna sit around and watch you kill yourself. I won’t.” And with tears in your eyes, you open the door and leave.

You sit in your car, not knowing where to go. Where did it go so wrong, you thought. Sanzu was the sweetest teenager when you first met. Introverted but loving. But as the power and money went up, the Sanzu you knew had gone astray.

With a sigh, you check your phone.

Mikey- 21 Unread Messages

Your brow arched and then, your phone lit up with Mikey’s name as he called you.

You answered. “Hello, Manjiro, I’m quite busy so-"

“It’s Sanzu, [Y/N].”

No.

No No No No NO. This couldn’t be happening. You realised that you left him in that apartment with probably enough drugs to put him in his death bed.

Tears swell up your eyes.

“He’s overdosed, he needs you. You need to come to the hospital right now.” Mikey said.

Any plans of leaving him disappeared from your mind as you needed to be there with him.

“Sanzu Haruchiyo? I’m his girlfriend.” You plead to the receptionist.

“Married?”

“I just fucking told you, I’m his girlfriend.”

“I’m sorry, Family only. We need to see proper confirmation that you are indeed Mr Haruchiyo’s wife.” The receptionist said.

Fuck off, you thought.

“No, it’s okay, this is Sanzu’s girlfriend but trust me he treats her like she’s the queen.” Ran walked up to you. “Come, [Y/N].”

You followed Ran with a beating heart. You were scared and anxious.

“I’m gonna be honest, [Y/N], Sanzu isn’t an amazing guy. But you should see the way his eyes light up when he talks about you. If there’s anyone he needs right now, its you.”

By God’s grace, Sanzu was alive. Even though some poor bastards around the city wished and prayed he hadn’t lived, the pink haired motherfucker just keeps coming back.

You didn’t know why, but you felt nervous. The last thing that happened between you two was the argument. And now you have to see him like this.

“Hey..” He croaked as you walked in.

“Hi…” You sat on the seat beside his bed. You saw a ‘Get well soon’ card from Takeomi. Your heart warmed to that.

“The loyal mad dog overdoses. I can hear everyone talking already.” He smiles.

He looks so tired it breaks you.

“How do you feel?” You ask.

He shrugs. “Like shit.”

A small chuckle escapes from your lips. “Thats what I like to see.” Sanzu looked at your eyes. “My pretty girl smiling.”

“Haru, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you knowing that you need me-"

“No, I’m sorry that you feel like you have to stay ‘cause of me. [Y/N], you’re perfect. You could get anyone you want. You’re too good for me.”

You shake your head. “No. You’re good for me. And this addiction? We can work through it. We always work through everything because we’re a team, yeah?”

He smiles at you with small tears.

“What did I do to deserve you?”

His lips meet yours in a passionate kiss. This is love. The arguing, the smiles, the crying. This is it.

“I’m gonna get better. You can burn all the drugs or flush them, I don’t care. I’m gonna fix myself.”

You smile against his lips. “And that’s a promise?”

“Of course.” He pulls you back in for a kiss.

“Ewwww, get a room, Haruchiyo.” Ran walks in. Behind him, a few of Bontens men consisting of, Rindou, Kakucho and Kokonoi.

“Fuck off.” Sanzu laughs.

His stupidly cute scars curl up into a smile as he stares at everyone in the room. Then at you.

His eyes are basically saying that He loves you. Your eyes flutter back the same response.

[sacredsorceress]

Worth the Risk || Bucky Barnes

pairing: bucky barnes x avenger!reader

summary: when bucky and sam get captured you have to go in alone to save them leading to a worried, overprotective bucky who cares about you a bit more than a teammate should

a/n: reblogs and replies are super appreciated!!

word count: 2.2k

warnings: description of violence, injuries, a gun, dagger and blood, swearing, angst w/ happy ending

masterlist || taglist

“Bucky?” You whispered through the earpiece. “Sam? Where are you guys-”

Sitting in the van, you began to grow worried as you couldn’t find any of your teammates on the screen after they had turned around a corner. Tapping the earpiece, you were about to speak again when you heard Sam’s voice on the other end.

“Y/n?”

Sitting forward in your chair, you breathed a premature sigh of relief.

“Sam? Thank God you guys are okay.” You told him. “I was worried when-”

“Y/n, listen,” Sam cut you off, his voice a near whisper. “They got us- me and Bucky- but I think you’ll be able to take them out if you think you’re ready for it.”

You began to feel your heart race in your chest just at the proposition. Although you had joined the group almost half a year ago, you had never gone on a mission by yourself- always having others to back you up, but you knew Sam well enough that he wouldn’t have suggested the idea lightly. If he asked you to go in alone... you knew it was because there was no other choice.

“Okay.” You said. “I can do this, Cap. I’ll be there soon- just hold on.”

With that, you left the vehicle, making your way into the building. When the door of the facility closed behind you, you raised your gun.

“You shouldn’t have told her to come in here.” Bucky told Sam, pacing around their cell. “If we couldn’t handle it together, what makes you think that she can do it by herself? You’re going to get her killed-”

“Buck,” Sam said firmly. “I know you’re worried about her, but she can handle herself. She’s our only shot of getting out of here so I’m gonna need you to calm down.”

Sitting himself down in the corner of the room, Bucky said nothing more to Sam, instead placing his head in his hands.

Bucky knew logistically that you could handle yourself- you were on the team for a reason- but that didn’t mean he didn’t worry about you. He worried about you all the time- even in training- nagging Sam if he threw you down a bit too hard and feeling his heart drop to his stomach when bruises littered your body after a mission. He hated seeing you get hurt, but as he sat in the cell with Sam, knowing that you were coming into the building all on your own- he felt as though he was going to be sick.

Now he wasn’t there to watch your back. He wasn’t there to make sure you wouldn’t get hurt. He wasn't there to make sure you didn't get yourself killed- the thought of it too horrible for him to even allow himself to think about. He worried because he knew in your line of business, every wrong move could be fatal and he couldn’t bare the thought of not having you by his side every day.

Listening to the sound of water leaking from the sealing above him, Bucky prayed you would be alright.

Turning a corner inside of the building, you were hoping the same.

Peaking around the edge of a wall you spotted two men, armed with batons. Taking a deep breath, you aimed for one of the men’s bullet proof vest, taking the shot and knocking him to the ground. Immediately the other man ran towards you with the baton raised in his hand. 

Ducking as he swung the baton, you threw a punch to the man’s stomach, knocking him backwards, but just as you did the other man hit you in your back with the baton.

“Fuck!” You screamed out in pain, taking the man’s arm between your knees. You pulled the baton out of his hand as you stretched it in the other direction, causing him to yelp out in pain. 

Once in your hand, you spun around, swinging the man in the face with the baton, knocking him unconscious. Dropping it to the floor, you pulled your taser from your belt, shocking the other man, forcing him to the ground.

“Y/n?” You heard Sam ask through the earpiece. “Y/n are you alright?”

Shoving the taser back in its slot and raising your gun once again, you stepped over the two men’s unconscious bodies, running down the hallway.

“I am now.” You huffed, placing one of your hands on your lower back. “When this is over, you’re paying for my chiropractor.”

Turning another corner, you were met with a man and a woman standing at the end of the hallway.

“Are you guys always in pairs?” You asked. “Frankly I think it’s unfair.”

When they said nothing, just raising their batons from their belts, you spoke up again.

“Where are my friends?” You asked more seriously.

“You’re about to find out.”

The woman running at you first, you hit the butt of your gun in her face causing her to wobble backwards but the second you did, you felt a burst of searing hot pain run throughout your face as the baton collided with your nose. Stumbling backwards, you felt as another of the baton’s swings hit your midsection, causing you to double over in pain.

The man tugged your collar as you felt another blow connect with your face.

Wheezing, you dropped the gun to your side.

Standing in front of you, the woman slid her baton back into her belt.

“See?” she said. “I’m sure your friends will be happy to see-”

As she spoke you carefully slid your dagger out of your belt, but before she was able to finish her sentence, you threw it cleanly at her, the dagger jamming itself through her shoulder, sticking her to the wall.

“Shit!” She shouted in pain.

Immediately afterwards, the man grabbed your coat shoving you against the wall only to throw another punch to your mouth. Rather than giving him the satisfaction of yelping out in pain, you headbutt the man, causing him to stumble backwards into his partner. Grabbing the baton from his hand, you swung it over his head, knocking him unconscious.

Spitting blood onto the ground, you heaved as you picked up your gun and the keys from the man’s waist, making your way over to the room on the right.

Swinging the door open, your eyes immediately fell onto the reinforced cell in front of you, Bucky and Sam rushing to the front. Stumbling over to the cell, you unlocked the door, swinging it open and leaning against it.

“Y/n?” You heard Bucky’s voice first as he ran over to you. “Fuck, look at you.”

Moving his hands to cup your face, not being able to help yourself from wincing, Bucky could feel his heart shatter in his chest. Sure, you had a few bruises here and there in the past but never this bad.

You had a deep gash across your nose that he was sure would need stitches along with a cut along your lip and a large bruise forming around your eye- and that was just your face.

Looking up and seeing his worried eyes, you shot him a quaint, bloody smile.

“You should see the other guys.” You joked.

You attempted to laugh, only to wheeze and begin to cough.

“Y/n this isn’t funny.” He said seriously. “You could have died. Sam should have never asked-”

“Bucky,” You cooed, reaching your hands up to cup his face. “I’m okay. Besides, I couldn’t leave my favorite boys in here could I?”

Feeling your fingertips against his face, he couldn’t help but melt into your touch. You always managed to make him a lovesick mess as if he was still fifteen and not a one hundred and six year-old man who had been to hell and back.

“Hate to break up the reunion,” Sam said. “But those guys will only be out for so long. We got to get out of here.”

-

After falling asleep on the car ride back to the Compound, you woke up in bed, the dim glow of the lamp shining on the night stand above you. Opening your eyes, you pushed yourself up in the bed, only for a shooting pain to spread throughout your torso. Not able to stop yourself, you yelped out in pain.

“Hey, hey,” You heard none other than Bucky’s voice beside you, one of his hands coming to rest on yours while the other adjusted your pillow. “Take it easy.”

“I am, Doc.” You lied, leaning against your newly adjusted pillow.

Tucking you in, Bucky shook his head, leaning on the nightstand beside you.

“We should have never let you go in alone.” He sighed, leaning his head on his hand. “I just felt sick the entire time. You could have died, Y/n. If they just hit you in the wrong spot... I’m never letting you go in alone again. I’m not letting you leave my sight.”

During your time as a member of the group, you and Bucky had grown incredibly close and during the past few months maybe even closer than friends. It was normal for him to worry- you never even had to wonder where he was during missions because he always had your back- but looking at his face now you could tell just how worried he had been and you couldn’t help but feel your heart break.

“Bucky,” You hummed. “You go on dangerous missions all the time alone. How am I any different?”

A silence settled over the two of you as Bucky squeezed your hand. 

Not meeting your eyes, he spoke up again.

“Because I can’t lose you.” Bucky said, his voice nearly a whisper. “I can’t even think about what would happen if anything happened to you, Y/n. Even seeing the cuts and bruises on your face? I’m... I’m not the Winter Soldier anymore, but I think if you put me in a room with those people I would kill them for what they did to you. I almost broke us out of the cell myself because I hated the idea so much of you going in there on your own. If something happens to me... it’s different. Nothing can happen to you, Y/n. Nothing.”

Staring at the super soldier sat at your bedside, you began to feel tears prick in your eyes. You had cared for Bucky in a way that you had been too afraid to admit- not wanting to ruin your friendship- but as he sat there, confessing his feelings for you, you couldn’t help but feel your heart tug in your chest, just wanting him.

“Do you love me?” You asked finally before you could stop yourself.

Looking up at your injured face, he felt his breath catch in his throat. He wasn’t able to read you in the moment at all, your face straight, seriousness laced in ever bit. All he could think was that even with the black eye and the stitches across your nose, he had never seen someone as beautiful as you.

He knew his answer. There wasn’t a single part of him that doubted it.

“Yes.” 

Hearing his answer, you stared at him and smiled.

“Are you sure?” You asked. “Do you love me as more than a teammate-”

“Y/n,” He cut you off, squeezing your hand once again. “As much as I love working with you, every time you call me your ‘teammate’ I want to go find a punching bag.”

Trying to bite back your smile, you couldn’t help but chuckle.

You hated calling him “only” your teammate just as much as he did- if not more.  Knowing that he hated it just as much as you the entire time you used the word to disguise your true feelings made you feel as if a weight had been lifted off of your chest despite the aches that still consumed your being.

Bucky was more than your teammate, he was your partner.

“Oh Thank God.” You laughed. “I can’t tell you how many I’ve knocked off the hook after you called me your ‘friend’.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, he leaned in closer to you.

“What are you saying?” He asked.

Shaking your head in disbelief, you reached your free hand up to his hair, brushing it back with your hand.

“I’m saying,” You smiled. “that I love you too and that I’m not going anywhere, Buck.”

Leaning into your touch, a smile finally reached across his face. “You know, if it weren’t for your stitches, I would kiss you right now.”

“So my face isn’t too messed up then, right, Doc?” You asked. “If you still want to kiss me and all...”

Reaching your hand up to his lips, he pressed a soft kiss to your skin.

“You could never look bad, doll.” He hummed. “But promise me you won’t do that to me again. I almost had a heart attack, Y/n.”

Leaning your head against your pillow, admiring him, you smiled.

“I promise, Buck.”

[maibi]

Last Time

Gojo Satoru x reader

Summary: after your break-up with Gojo you go to his apartment, which you used to share, to get all your stuff. But you thought you were doing bad, until you saw him. 

A/N: this was gonna be angst with a very bad ending, but while writing I was hurting myself so I decided to make it a little less shitty T_T I'm so pussy wtf (it’s still kinda sad)

——————————————————————————

It’s been a month. A month after your break up with Gojo. You had been together for almost 5 years and leaving each other may have been one of the hardest decisions. But you had no choice. You had to in order to be able to leave it there. You need to start anew, you had to leave it there in order to live your life. Even though you still loved each other, it felt like the best option, at least for you.

In order for you to be able to live independently, to make your own money you had to take the job offer overseas. But Gojo had to stay there, for his students. And you didn’t want to make it any harder for him. His students needed him and you knew for a fact that he needed his students. His students were amazing and taking Gojo away from them would only hurt everyone.

In those 5 years of being together you had been living together for almost 3 of them. After the break-up you hadn’t returned to that home, staying at a friend’s place that was barely ever home. You needed to get your stuff, but it all still felt so sad. You couldn’t bring yourself to, but you had to stand strong. You had texted him, telling him you’d get your stuff. You filled your car with boxes to help you move out your stuff and while you drove to your shared apartment. Or at least what was your shared apartment.

You stayed in your car while being parked, fiddling with the ends of your shirt. You picked your nails and your mind was thinking about so many things at the same time. You didn’t know how you’d approach him and you didn’t know how in the world you would pull yourself together. You were still not over him and only thinking about the fact that he might be will just ruin you. 

With a sigh you stepped out of your car and took a few of the boxes that you could carry to Gojo’s door. You knocked on the door and silently prayed that he wasn’t home. Everything would have been easier if you still had a key, but with you rushing out you left yours with him. 

Your head shot up when the door was opened. You were greeted with a sleepy Gojo. His hair was tousled and his shirt was wrinkly and pulled down so much that his collarbones were visible. You looked away and couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. 

“Hey”, he said in low voice, almost inaudible. “Uh- come in”, he said.

You wanted to pick up the boxes, but he beat you in doing so. He took all of them inside for you, but didn’t say another word. You stayed at the entrance of the living room while he walked in and placed the boxes on the ground. 

You saw take out food and cup noodles and it made you wonder if he had been eating properly. He looked skinnier, as if he wasn’t before. The house wasn’t a mess, but it wasn’t that clean either. It made you wonder if he had been taking care of himself. 

He saw you staring at the table and immediately cleaned up any evidence of take out food. “I haven’t had the time to clean up yet”, he said to you with a sad expression as he walked to the kitchen.

You couldn’t emotionally take this and just wanted to leave. If you saw him like this for even more than a second you knew you’d change your mind, but you couldn’t. You had to do what was for the better, he could easily find someone new, that’s how amazing of a person he was.

“You can come in you know, I don’t bite”, he said as he walked back in the living room. 

You took a step forward and felt the tears in your eyes sting. You really did love him and leaving like this really hurt you. “I’ll start with the bedroom”, you said as you took a box and walked to the bedroom.

You opened the door and looked at the oh so familiar room. It felt like it had been untouched since the day you left, but the changed sheets told you otherwise. His scent filled your nose and you just wanted time to stop right there. 

You walked in further and saw that he hadn’t touched any of your stuff. You noticed that one of your shirts was on the bed, on his side and you couldn’t stop yourself from thinking that he probably did the exact same thing as you. You had left this place with only a few clothes and you say you had one of his shirts on your side of the closet and you took it with you.  Even though his scent had worn off, you slept with it almost every night. How childish it may sound, it calmed you. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to pack up any of this. You sat down on the bed, looking around you. A tear rolled down your cheek. This wasn’t supposed to be this dramatic. You had thought to yourself.

“Can I come in”, you heard Gojo say from the entrance. 

You shot your head to the side, wiping away a tear. You nodded.

He sat down next to you, but left enough space between you. Was it strange that you wished he didn’t? But he thought you just needed space from him. He didn’t know about the whole new job thing. You thought it would have been better if he didn’t know. Because if he did, he would consider leaving with you. And like you thought before, you couldn’t do that to his students. 

“I see you didn’t touch any of my stuff”, you said, not looking at him.

“I mean, how could I?”, he said. “I still love you after all.”

“Don’t say that”, you said in a whisper while dropping your head..

“Why? Will it make you change your mind?”, he asked in a low tone. 

you shook your head. It just made you feel guilty. Which you actually were. You stood up from your place and walked to the desk that was in front of the window. There was a picture of you and Gojo. The picture both of you loved so much. The two of you on the beach, you knew it was cliche, but you sill loved it very much. A stranger took that picture and you can’t forget about how amazing that day was.

“Was it something I did?”, Gojo asked.

You didn’t answer. You couldn’t bring yourself to. You weren’t used to seeing him like this. So vulnerable, so sad. You thought he would be over you, but he seemed to be doing worse than you. The bags under his eyes and his slightly pale skin made you think that perhaps leaving him wasn’t the right decision to make. But you needed this job. 

“Just please tell me what went wrong”, he said. “I really can’t do this anymore.”

You didn’t say a word back at him. You were scared that if you kept talking that the both of you would just break down. You knew for yourself that you where on the edge, but you could tell he was too. 

“I just don’t understand what went wrong. Was it something I did? Cause if it was-”, he said stopping mid way to take a deep breath, “-just please tell me what it is that I did wrong so I can make it up to you. I can’t loose you.” He said the last in a whisper. 

Tears formed in your eyes. You were scared that if you talked right now, you wouldn’t be able to hold your tears in front of him anymore. 

“For god’s sake just say something. anything”, he said louder now. “I can’t do this anymore, just please-!”

“Don’t yell at me”, you said in a whisper; “Please don’t yell at me.”

Tears were falling from your eyes and they didn’t stop. He was silent for a moment and started mumbling to himself. Blaming himself again. You heard him walking up to you, but you didn’t turn around just yet. You waited to see if he would do anything, but he didn’t. So you turned around and the second that you did he slowly pulled you in his embrace and placed his head on your neck. 

“I’m so sorry. I know- I know I can be a dick from time to time and I know that I get cocky. I know I'm not the best human in the world, but please at least allow me to try and change. Please just- please just don’t leave me like this”, he said as his voice cracked in the end. 

“I’m sorry, Satoru. I really, truly am. But this isn’t about you, this is mainly about me and my decisions. I-” You wanted to say it to him, you wanted to tell him you still loved him, but telling him right now might just ruin everything. 

“I can’t live without you. I really truly can’t. This was the shittiest month I've ever had and I can’t stop thinking about you. Just please, don’t leave my side.”

“I don’t have a choice, Satoru”, you said, in a whisper while your tears were falling falling from your eyes on his shirt. You could smell him and his sweet scent made you cry even harder. This was the last time you would be able to be this close to him, this was the last time he would touch you and this was the last time he would be talking to you like this. Because you were leaving and nothing was stopping you. 

[thebeautyoffanfics]

hii i know you might be busy because of school so take your time! Could i please get a Dead!Mitsuba,,,Dead!Hanako,,,Dead!Tsukasa,, x reader (if you dont want to write for them characters right now than you can choose others i dont mind <3) where they think reader is dying??Any situation is fine :)

dead!mitsuba sousuke x gn!reader, dead!hanako x gn!reader, dead!tsukasa yugi x gn!reader

a/n: ahh thank you for being patient;;! And of course!! Thank you so much for requesting, and I hope this turns out alright! And I’m so sorry for the time it took;;

aahhh i constantly remember how difficult starting and ending fics are,,, sorry if it sounds awkward ;v;; i’m also sorry if this isn’t dramatic enough- i’m trying to get these out, but i’m in a funky phase, as i haven’t written in a while;;

warnings: vomit (in Hanako’s), blood (in Tsukasa’s)

word count: 2,765

mitsuba sousuke <3

It wasn’t uncommon for Mitsuba to watch you do everyday school things. He’d follow you around, playing it off as if he wasn’t. Even now, he sat under a tree, watching you assist one of the clubs.

You were always entertaining… or maybe, you were simply enough to captivate his attention in anything you did? Your arm held high as you caught the baseball tossed your way, grinning at the person who threw it. Though not fond of you smiling like that at another person, the glance you gave Mitsuba practically made up for it- though he still glanced away, as if he wasn’t looking in the first place.

Moments passed, before he peered back up at you.

Your smiling face, as you turned to speak to one of the club members- his eyes darting over at hearing someone yell your name.

“(Y/N)!! WATCH OUT-”

And, eyes back over at you, as the undeniable sound of a baseball smacking against a skull. Mitsuba froze up, only being able to watch as you toppled to the ground. The club members instantly panicked, and Mitsuba did the same- both he and the members running over to you, students shaking you as if that would do anything.

“Idiots!! Don’t shake them-!”

Unfortunately, all of his yelling was futile. Mitsuba was dead, after all, and he was sure that you were too. A bump already formed on your head, as you peeked your eyes open, reaching for your head. Your fingers grazed against the bump, then quickly retracted, as tears filled your eyes. Shouts from the club members to get an adult rang out, as Mitsuba placed his hands on your shoulder, shaking almost as violently as you were. You closed your eyes, shaking as you reached to your head again, only to retract once more.

“(Y-Y/N), it’s okay- a-are you okay?” Mitsuba stuttered out, trying not to get emotional. It was only an injury, right… you were fine. You had to be. You’d be fine. Right?

But, when you only shook your head, squeezing your eyes tighter, he couldn’t help the pure fear that filled his entire body. His eyes grew watery when a teacher finally arrived, already on the phone with, he hoped, the paramedics.

Too much time passed, Mitsuba thought. Too much time spent grasping your hand, tears threatening to spill, as the teacher asked you too many questions. And, the absolute dread at the teacher’s reaction to everything- hearing you attempt to explain that everything went black for a moment- seeing the teachers eyes widen a bit, then eyebrows furrow in frustration. Mitsuba wanted to scream. To yell at whoever threw the ball- he didn’t care if it was a mistake. To yell at the paramedics- it was an emergency! Why couldn’t the emergency vehicle get there sooner??

Finally, they arrived. Paramedics picking you up, Mitsuba following alongside them until you sat in the vehicle. His eyes flickering from person to person, then back at you, until they shut the doors and drove off.

The next few days were like a living hell for Mitsuba. No- he wasn’t living. It was as if he had been doomed to suffer for all eternity. He shook every time he walked past your homeroom, peering inside as he checked for you. Peering over at your desk, praying that he wouldn’t see flowers sitting there. The lack of flowers was the only hope Mitsuba had left. The lack of rumors, the lack of Sakura one day opening up the broadcast with “(Y/N)-san of the baseball field.” It sounded ridiculous, sure, but he couldn’t help it…

Yes, though he’d never say it to anyone- maybe you, but that was a stretch- Mitsuba had never been so worried… he thought, as he finally saw you again, clinging to you as if you were as fragile as glass- that your death would probably affect him worse than his own did. Because, a world without you, would officially be a world without life… without you, Mitsuba knew he could no longer even feel alive.

“You idiot… I hate you so much,” His voice broke slightly, as you wrapped your arms back around him. Much like the moment when he was so sure you wouldn’t show back up, tears threatened to spill. “I missed you. Dummy. I missed you so much-”

hanako <3

There was a part of Hanako slightly paranoid about your death. Not overly so- not in a way that would hinder you. Simply, in the sense that he would risk his well-being to protect you. Yet, there were many situations where he was… helpless.

It wasn’t uncommon for you to enter the girl’s bathroom, though it was almost always to visit Hanako. So, his face instinctively lit up when he saw you stumble into the bathroom- though he felt the color drain from his face when he saw your shakey figure. The color was drained from your face as well, he noted, as he quickly floated over to you.

“(Y/N)?? What’s wrong?” He questioned, pushing the hair from your face, getting a good look at your face. He was already positive you didn’t feel well. He just needed to know how- then, he could help. Surely, he could do something.

“I… I dunno- my stomach hurts, haha… really badly.”

Before Hanako could question further- where did it hurt, what kind of pain- you stumbled into a stall, spilling any contents that were in your stomach into the toilet. Instinctively, Hanako cringed a bit- quickly, he shook the queasy feeling he got off, and stepped over to you, rubbing your back carefully.

When you looked up at Hanako, tears running down your face, he instantly feared the worst.

“Please get a teacher, or Yashiro, or- someone,” You told him, arms securing themselves around your stomach. Hanako quickly nodded, rushing as quickly down the hallway as he could. He wasn’t a doctor, for Pete’s sake- not even close to it. So, he practically flung himself into Yashiro’s classroom, shouting at her from the doorway.

“YASHIRO, (Y/N)’S IN A LOT OF PAIN!!”

Hanako could only ring his hands nervously for a moment, as Yashiro asked the teacher to be excused, floating anxiously beside her for a moment, then rushing back to you when she explained that she was going to get a teacher- thinking for a split moment, as he explained to her that you already threw up. To that, Yashiro nodded, telling Hanako that she’d be sure to make sure your guardians were contacted.

Once he reentered the bathroom, Hanako’s nerves were at a new worst state. His eyes landed on you, practically curled up next to the toilet, sniffling to yourself- he was sure he never wanted to help anyone so badly. He was sure that, if he could, he would take your pain.

“Yashiro’s getting a teacher, (Y/N). A-are you feeling any better?” You shook your head, glancing up at the ghost boy. Your face was slightly flushed with what he was sure was a fever, and your eyebrows were furrowed in clear desperation and pain. All he wanted to do was help.

“I feel like I’m dying…”

Dying. The word “dying” stuck out, striking at Hanako’s nerves as if they weren’t already being tested. You felt like you were dying? Were you?? He sat in front of you, hands shaking violently as he attempted to seem calm. You couldn’t die. No- no, the teacher would come. You would live, wouldn’t you? You weren’t going to die… right?

“It’s okay, (Y/N)- you’ll be okay,” He spoke, rubbing your shoulders gently and placing a soft kiss to your forehead, half trying to convince himself. As he continued to do so, the teacher entered the bathroom, knocking on the stall- though the door creaked open, as you hadn’t had the time to shut and lock it. It wasn’t as if you needed to- the nausea was simply overwhelming.

“(Y/N)? Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“I’m having really bad stomach pains… I threw up- it hurts to talk,” You muttered, glancing up at the teacher, giving them the same pained look you gave Hanako. They crouched next to you, placing a hand against your forehead, then nodding.

“Where does it hurt?”

Clearly not wanting to move, you sniffled, forcing yourself to sit back just enough to motion around your lower-right abdomen. As if it clicked, the teacher nodded, letting you fall back into the position you were previously in. “I have no room to say for sure, but it does sound like appendicitis. Your parents are on the way, and I’ll let them know to take you over to the hospital.”

Your grip on yourself tightened a bit, panic showing up in your face. Seeing that panic, Hanako could only fear the worst. He knew vaguely of appendicitis, sure- how likely was someone to die from it-?? If your appendix ruptured, he knew it was dire. Did it? How long did it take for an appendix to rupture? Before he could even acknowledge the thoughts running through his mind, the teacher lifted you up, carrying you out of the room.

Though Hanako followed, he was left standing at the doors of the school when your guardian carried you away. The final bell rang, all of the students finally emptying out of the school, as the car you were in drove away. He watched until it was out of sight, silently noting that it must have been the direction of the hospital.

The first few days were practically torture for Hanako. Yashiro’s comments didn’t help- her saying that you went into surgery only worsened his fears. During his lifetime, surgery was… unpleasant, to say the least. They could do it- you could certainly have your appendix removed, but- but what if something went wrong? How had things changed since he lived…? Had it ruptured, were you going to live? What if you died during recovery?

He couldn’t stand it. No, until several weeks passed, Hanako was a nervous wreck. The relief that washed through him when he saw you walking through the school halls was almost comical- that is, if he wasn’t clinging to you like he really had almost lost you.

“(Y/N)... I’m so glad to see you again.”

“Hanako, I’m so glad to see you too. Sorry for scaring you like that… but thanks for sticking with me.”

Of course, Hanako could only accept the praise, unsure how to word “I stuck with you because I didn’t want you to die alone.”

tsukasa yugi <3

Tsukasa, most were sure, wouldn’t necessarily… care if someone around him died. No, he probably loved the pained expressions of someone taking their last breaths. If it was a messy death? It would be better for him, right? Screams of pain, tears streaming down someone’s face, blood splattered around. Natsuhiko half joked that it would be a dream for Tsukasa, no matter if everyone else considered it a nightmare. Sakura remained quiet, shaking her head slightly. You… disagreed, as if protecting Tsukasa. Maybe he wouldn’t… as eerie as your boyfriend could be at times, you loved him nonetheless- and you were sure you didn’t fall for someone who would… enjoy…… others’ pain…?

Hm…

Either way! You were sure you didn’t fall for someone who would enjoy your pain!!!

Those thoughts were just that- little thoughts you had. Thrown into a few conversations between the fellow people who frequented the broadcasting room. Nothing you really wanted to prove, you know? No, you’d rather assume it, and not go through anything particularly painful to prove it.

However, those weren’t necessarily your thoughts as you tripped over the rug, one of Sakura’s tea sets in your hands. The hot tea in them went flying, landing all over you- but, that wasn’t really your focus, as you landed with a harsh thud. The glass cracked underneath you, the uncomfortable sound of shattering filling the room- accompanied by your scream- at first being echoed because of the fright of following, but being finished off because of the feeling of glass splintering you as if you were the fragile object.

Your scream ended in a cry, tears quickly clouding your vision as the sharp pain coursed through every spot the glass had harmed. Sakura’s eyes went wide, and she stood up, aiming to walk over and help you- Natsuhiko did the same, exclaiming your name once he saw you began to fall, a bit quicker than Sakura was- Mitsuba could only stare, as if his fight or flight was activated. Before any of them could reach you, Tsukasa was there, shouting your name and cupping your face.

Tsukasa wasn’t bothered by the blood, as if he could be bothered by any blood, pure worry crossing his face. It was a rare sight- Tsukasa genuinely concerned- but it wasn’t like seeing a bloody (Y/N) on the floor was exactly common. It was no one's focus, as the other three finally were gathered around you. Protectively, nearly forgetting your injuries, Tsukasa held your head to his chest- glaring at the others.

“Go get a nurse!! (Y/N)’s bleeding-!”

Natsuhiko nodded, rushing off, as Mitsuba glanced around panickedly- Sakura pushed Tsukasa away from you slightly, as if to let him know to be careful. His hands wandered to your arms, holding them carefully, peering at the glass, then up at the tears streaming down your face.

“Don’t pull out the glass. It could make the bleeding worse, and we can’t be sure where all the glass has landed. Especially in their arms.”

Tsukasa nodded a bit, glancing at his hand when one of your tears landed on it. He ignored the blood dripping onto his palms, quietly licking the tear that fell onto the back of his hand. That wasn’t enough to distract you though- he half hoped he could take away your pain, but was discouraged to only be met with your shaky sobs. His eyes wandered along the shards sticking out of your arms. Dangerously close to places he knew they couldn’t scratch- an artery, he knew, would be beyond dangerous… what if, when the glass gets pulled out, you’re met with the spewing blood that comes with a punctured artery? Looking around at the blood dripping everywhere- were you… dying?

Tsukasa froze up a bit. (Y/N)? Dying?

Well, he was dead… Amane was dead. Mitsuba was dead. But… what would happen when you died?

Would you become a ghost? Or would death be the final separation for the two of you- would Tsukasa be trapped on earth, while you moved on to whatever afterlife there was??

“(Y/N) can’t die,” was his only thought, as Natsuhiko returned, gently explaining that he was going to carry you to the nurse- then, your guardian could come at take you to the hospital. However, once Natsuhiko’s arms wrapped around your torso, Tsukasa grabbed Natsuhiko’s closest arm. “I- I can take care of them. I’ll carry, (Y/N).” “Runt, you’re a ghost. For real, don’t screw around. Let me carry them, hurry now,” He spoke, lifting you up. Tsukasa stood, balling his hands up slightly nervously. Oh, a nervous Tsukasa… it was also such a strange sight- watching Natsuhiko speedwalk with you in his arms, Tsukasa floating alongside them. In fact, Tsukasa remained with the both of you- holding your arms carefully, until you were entering the car, towels placed around you to keep the blood from spilling anywhere. He watched the car drive off, unsure how to process anything.

The next several days were… difficult for Tsukasa. He wasn’t sure how to deal with it, yet he found himself peering into your classroom to see if flowers sat on your desk. He found himself paying closer attention to the rumors spread- listening carefully for anything that sounded similar to you. He wandered the halls, as if he suddenly lost his purpose- keeping an extra eye out for a person, or ghost, with cuts from shards of glass littering their body.

Tsukasa was his… clingy self when you returned. He hugged you as tightly as he could, not wanting to release even when you warned him about your still healing arms. He placed countless kisses to your face, giggling out that he was so sure you were going to die. Even when you questioned his thoughts, Tsukasa continued on, kissing the scars, scabs, and few stitches on your body. Yes, he really was glad that you were alive. Be it for selfish reasons or selfless ones, he couldn’t be sure- he just knew he was glad.

[fortuositywritings]

Collide pt 2

Wanda x R

Summary: Trying to do the right thing gets very awkward and complicated.

The elevator was taking its sweet time to get to the 87th floor. It’s like it knows you are anxious and annoyed and oh yeah, naked.

“Come on!”

Bruce is annoyed. He’s been running tests on tests and has come up empty.

“It’s okay, Bruce,” Wanda tries to calm him down, seeing the irritation on his face. She knows the feeling all too well. For crying out loud, these tests with no real results are being run on her. She’s grateful to have people who care so much, like Bruce who is simply mad he can’t give her an answer for why her powers basically seem to have vanished. 

“It’s not okay, Wanda. We don’t have the slightest idea why this is happening. I mean, your magic gone, just like that. It doesn’t make any sense,” he sighs. Then he straightens out his posture and gives her a determined smile. “But don’t worry. We’ll run more tests and we’ll figure this out. For now, why don’t we take a break. We’ll continue tomorrow.”

She returns his smile but less enthusiastically. Truth be told, she’s been kind of enjoying not having her powers. Don’t get her wrong, of course it is worrying not having them and she needs them to get back to doing her job, but for once in a very long time, she felt relaxed almost. 

Her powers are incredible and amazing, but what’s not so amazing is the weight she carried because of them. These last three months, she felt unburdened. She felt lighter, but she couldn’t tell her teammates that, not when they’re doing all they can to help her get them back.

Her powers are important to have for the team. She knows that. It’s why she sucks it up and is doing everything she can to get them back. People count on her. 

She hops off the stool and makes her way to the elevator. She notices Bruce isn’t following behind her. “Are you coming?”

“I’m just going to clean up here. I’ll meet you down in a few,” he replies. Wanda goes to press the button for the elevator. The doors open not two seconds after. 

“That was fast,” she mumbles. She steps into the cart and waves goodbye to Bruce. “See you.”

The elevator’s doors close. You gulp nervously. This could have worked out better for you but you got what you wanted. You came to see Wanda and here she was in the elevator with you. Maybe you should wait to talk to her when you find some clothes. You hope wherever she’s going has something for you to cover up with. 

Happy with your decision to pretend you’re not even there, you stay quiet and keep to the corner. Suddenly the elevator stops. 

“Shit,” Wanda says exactly what you were thinking. She begins pressing buttons trying to get the elevator to go but it’s of no use. She uses the emergency call button. 

“Hello, this is Wanda Maximoff. The elevator seems to be stuck,” she says into the intercom. 

“Yes, Miss Maximoff. The elevators have been stopped for security purposes, but do not worry, they are taking care of the situation. The elevators should be operational in just a few minutes,” the voice over the intercom says. 

If you weren’t so nervous, you could laugh at the situation. They’re taking care of the situation all right. Here you are, the situation, in the elevator with Wanda Maximoff. You hope this doesn’t take too long. You’re feeling very uncomfortable in the state you’re in, especially enclosed in such a small space with someone else. 

Five minutes go by and nothing happens. Wanda has been playing games on her phone to distract herself. You’ve been standing in the corner, hands covering yourself even though technically you’re invisible. It made you feel more decent in a way. 

Wanda’s game chimes and she celebrates winning whatever level of whatever game she’s playing. You smile, finding it cute. She’s been trying to pass that level this whole time. 

Before she can get into the next level, her phone rings. Natasha is calling her. She’s been made aware of the situation and is passing the information to Wanda. “There’s been a security breach. Some girl was asking for you saying it was urgent and forcibly made her way into the building. They still haven’t found her. Where are you?”

Wanda frowns. “I’m stuck in the elevator. They stopped them.”

“Okay, I’ll get yours to work. I’ll wait for you on the 71st,” Nat says.

“Okay,” Wanda responds. Nat rushes, “Oh, and Wanda be careful. She seems to have powers like yours.”

Wanda wants to ask about that but Nat hangs up before she has the chance. Wanda chews on her bottom lip as do you. Both of you are anxious. Your heart is beating out of its chest right now. You do your best not to let your breathing get out of control. You couldn’t have Wanda hear you. 

The elevator begins to move and you stupidly let out a sigh in relief at the same time Wanda does. You pray she didn’t hear it and thinks it was all her. For a moment you think someone heard your prayers, but you are oh so wrong. 

When the elevator stops at the 71st floor, you follow Wanda out the elevator. Unknown to you, she did hear your sigh from before and just needed to reassure herself she wasn’t hearing things. She keeps her ears attentive and when you follow her out, she hears the scuffle of your feet behind her. 

In a quick move, she grabs you and flips you over. Suddenly, she’s got you pinned down and in your shock, you don’t realize you let up on the invisibility. You look at Wanda in shock and fear, thinking she’s about to punch you in the face or something. She looks at you in shock, your face suddenly becoming visible. Natasha is in shock as well, wondering what the hell she’s looking at.

“Please don’t hurt me! I can explain!” you beg. 

“You! The one from the grocery store,” Wanda recalls. 

“Yes! You remember me?” you ask, surprised she would recognize your face after one interaction.

“Who is the naked lady on my floor?” The three of you turn to see Tony Stark walk up to you snacking on some food.

“Hi, I’m Y/N,” you greet him with an awkward smile and cheeks bright red. “I’m going to turn invisible now. Please don’t freak out.”

Wanda looks down and freaks out. She’s about to get off of you but Nat yells at her to stay put.

“She’s naked!” Wanda argues, but stays on you. 

“She’s invisible. We can’t have her leave without us knowing,” Nat reasons. 

“I won’t leave,” you promise. “I’ll show myself but I would appreciate some clothes.”

“Stop talking!” Wanda demands, glaring at you. She thinks she’s glaring at you but you are invisible so she can’t know for sure if she’s looking you in the eyes. 

“Who are you yelling at?” Bruce makes his way out of the elevator car that no one noticed arrived. 

“Me. Hi, I’m Y/N,” you blurt out, making Bruce jump, obviously not having seen you. 

“Who said that?” he asks, looking around the room trying to find you. 

“Down here. Under Wanda,” your voice appears again. Wanda tightens her grip on you.

“I thought I told you to stop talking. It’s unsettling,” she explains. 

“Well, so is being naked in front of all of you, so,” you retort. Bruce looks shocked but he finally pinpoints your voice where you said you were. 

“Can someone please get her some clothes?” Wanda asks for you, finally. “This is not a position I thought I’d find myself in today and would really like to get off.”

“Not the first time I heard that,” you joke trying to alleviate the tension. You think you do, making both Tony Stark and the redhead in the room snort. Wanda blushes. Bruce comes to the rescue, taking off his lab coat and laying it next to Wanda, assuming you are there to grab it. 

It looks odd, watching the lab coat move seemingly on its own. Wanda gets off of you as you put it on and finally reveal yourself after securing it around your body.

“Who are you?” The redhead asks, narrowing her eyes at you. Her tone means serious business.

Finding her intimidating, you try to reassure her, “I’m no one. I don’t mean any harm. I promise.”

“Who cleared you? Why are you here?” She continues her questions.

“No one. I made my way past security. I really needed to see Wanda. I have something that belongs to you,” you direct the last part at Wanda. 

“And this was so important you made your snuck into my building? How did you do that, by the way? Turning invisible. Neat trick,” Tony comments.

“They wouldn’t let me in. I’ve been trying to get someone to let me see her for the past week. I’m sorry for the dramatics but it can’t wait another day,” you explain. “You’re probably having trouble with accessing your abilities, right?”

“How do you know that?” Suddenly everyone is on the offense. You shouldn’t know that, not even the media is guessing that’s what was going on with Wanda and her not being on missions. 

“Tony, you have to see this! Someone has abilities like Wanda and they’re in the building,” Captain Steve Rogers rushes into the room with a tablet in his hand. The security tape of you blasting the guard off his feet with red magic plays on the tablet for everyone to see. Steve notices the stranger in the room. “It’s you!”

Everyone turns from looking at the tablet to looking at you in confusion. Everyone but Wanda who looks upset. 

“I can explain,” you try but Wanda cuts you off, stepping right in front of you, pointing a finger in your face. “You stole my powers!”

“I didn’t steal your powers. It’s not that simple.”

“Then explain how my powers seemed to have disappeared when we met and now there’s a video of you using my abilities,” Wanda demands.

“I-I mean, may-maybe it is that simple,” you stutter. 

She moves forward almost as if to attack you. Steve is on her in a millisecond, holding her back as you put your arms out in defense. You rush to explain, “But I didn’t mean to. It’s just something that happens when I touch people with special abilities.”

“What do you mean? Do you mean to say that you can take anyone’s abilities away? How many abilities do you have? Is there a limit to how many you can hold? If so, how many and can you choose which you keep?” Bruce Banner throws a slew of questions at you that you can’t really process while there is an angry Sokovian ready to throw hands with you.

“I’m just here to return them to you,” you say, trying to calm her down. That trips her anger. Everyone and her look at you confused once more. Wanda asks, “You can do that?”

“It’s what I’ve been trying to do all week, but no one would let me see you,” you sigh in frustration. 

Steve feels Wanda relax at the new information and lets her go. He also notices that because you moved your arms up when Wanda was going for you, you released your grip around the lab coat and were now exposed again. He clears his throat and looks away, “Miss, the coat.”

You look at him confused and then realize he’s referring to the lab coat you’re wearing. You and Wanda both look at it and then blush. You quickly wrap yourself up again. 

“Oh my god, can someone please get, what’s your name?” the redhead in the room inquires and continues once you stutter out your name, “Wanda can you please lend Y/N some clothes? We’ll wait for you on 87. I’ll inform security that the problem has been dealt with.”

It isn’t really a request, both you and Wanda know this. Wanda tells you to follow her and she leads you to what you assume is her bedroom. It’s pretty nice. You note that she keeps it tidy. 

“Here, these will fit.” She leaves you sweats, a hoodie, socks, and some sandals on the bed. “You can change in the restroom.”

She points at a door on the other side of the room. You smile awkwardly in appreciation and head over to change. While Wanda waits for you to come out, she tries to understand everything that has happened and everything that you told her. 

If you are to be trusted and it’s true what you said, including not doing this on purpose, then she supposes she owes you an apology. Are you to be trusted though? This would be so much easier if she had her powers. Then she would be able to figure it out in a wink.

Her powers made things so much easier but also they were a pain in the ass. She is grateful for them of course. She knows all the good she does and could do with them, but sometimes they were too much and she didn’t realize this until she was without them. 

It was odd being without them. She had grown accustomed to them. They were a part of her now and not having them was weird but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was just different and for a moment she felt lighter. The only real stress of not having them was wondering what happened to them, but now here they are.

You have come to return them to her. She should feel relieved, right?

You step out of the restroom in her clothes. You thank her, “I’ll give them back once I get my clothes back. You don’t happen to have a ‘lost and found’ in the building, do you?”

“I don’t know. I’ll ask Steve or Nat,” she replies. After an awkward moment of standing there, neither of you speaking, you break the silence, “So, should we go now?”

Wanda hesitates to lead you out, so you assume there’s something else she wants to say. You wait. “Before we do, I owe you an apology. I shouldn’t have gone off on you like that when all you were trying to do is help.”

You smile and nod. “Yeah, that was scary, but I understand. It’s a weird situation to be in, but luckily we have everything cleared up and soon you’ll have your powers and you can get back to doing what you do.”

“Yes, lucky me,” she mutters, unconvincingly. She doesn’t know why, but going back to the regular schedule seems daunting. 

She finds you staring at her oddly. It makes her uncomfortable so she makes her way towards the door, motioning for you to follow. You make conversation on your way to the lab. 

“My friend loved the meal by the way. Thank you for all the helpful tips. It was delicious, if I do say so myself,” you tell her, using her phrasing when she described Sokovian meals. She smiles, catching it as well.

“I told you so,” she says, chuckling as you both wait for the elevator to reach the 87th floor. She thinks back to that day and based on what you said earlier, she asks you, “So is that how it happened? When we touched hands? That was how you got my powers?”

“Yep.”

“And to get them back, we do the same thing?” she ponders. “It’s that simple.”

“Yeah. It’s simple and annoying,” you complain. “I graze anyone’s skin and if by chance they can do something no regular person can, suddenly they can’t and I’m the one who can do it, but the most annoying part is when I don’t know who they come from since I have to touch them again to give their powers back.”

“That does sound frustrating,” Wanda agrees. 

“No, what’s frustrating is when they won’t take their powers back,” you whine. “And then I’m stuck with them.”

“What do you mean? Can’t you just touch them and give them back?” 

“They have to want their powers back for me to return them. It’s actually how I got the invisibility one. They couldn’t really control it at the time and I guess they got tired of it, so when they had the opportunity, they didn’t want it back. Those were weird first months with that power. Floating clothes spooks a lot of people. Luckily, a little practice and I could do this on command.”

You show her the way you could turn invisible. She looks startled so you appear again and apologize. “Sorry, I guess it’s still scary to people.”

“No, it’s cool. It just surprised me,” she reassures you. You give her a grateful smile in return. 

“Why did it take so long for you to find me?” Wanda asks and it is a reasonable question seeing as you can turn on the news station and probably find her easily. 

“Sorry about that. Truth is, I don’t follow the Avengers and what they do, so I had no idea who you were. I actually staked out the grocery store for weeks hoping I would catch you there,” you admit. 

“They didn’t kick you out for loitering?” Wanda giggles and then lets out a full laugh when you say, “Actually, they almost made me employee of the month, despite not working there.”

A ring in the elevator signals that you have arrived on the 87th floor. Wanda leads the way through the lab. 

“There they are,” Bruce announces your presence. He motions both of you front and center of the group. “So, how does this work?”

“I just touch her and give them back,” you shrug. “It’s not too complicated.”

“Okay, then,” Bruce accepts your answer. 

You hold out your hand for Wanda to take. “Ready?”

She nods her head and places her hand in yours. You smile, giving her hand a squeeze before letting go.

“That’s it?” Tony asks. You turn to him and nod. “Well, that was anti-climactic.”

“Alright, Wanda. Why don’t you go ahead and try to use your powers now,” Steve inputs more helpfully. 

You all direct your attention to Wanda who shakes herself in preparation to show off her powers. She holds her hands up and clenches and unclenches her hands into fists repeatedly. 

“Any time now,” the redhead whose name you assume is Nat hurries Wanda along. 

Wanda begins to shake her head. “I’m trying. It’s not working.”

“Maybe Y/N still has them,” Steve says. You turn your hand over and sure enough you do still have them, a red energy forming in your hand.

“That doesn’t make any sense. It should be working.” You make the energy dissipate and move towards Wanda again. You grab her hand for longer than before. Then you release her and she tries again without any success. You still have them. 

“Are you sure you’re doing it right?” Bruce asks. “Has this ever happened before?”

“Yes, I’m doing it like I always do. There shouldn’t be any reason why it doesn’t work,” you insist. The only reason why it wouldn’t be working is if the other person… You look at Wanda’s face and she wears a guilty expression on her face but something else catches your attention. A very loud thought from the woman in front of you makes its way to your head.

Please don’t say anything. 

The thought is followed by her looking right into your eyes, practically begging you to keep quiet. So you do. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong. This hasn’t happened before,” you lie for her. You turn your head to look at Bruce and shake your head hoping to convince him. You feel Wanda’s hand on your forearm, giving you a gentle squeeze. 

Thank you.

Now what are you supposed to do?

________________________________________________________

taglist: @dandelions4us @sapphic-girl 

let me know if i missed anyone in the taglist or if you wish to be on it

thank you for reading :)

[simpforhoon]

just you. (p.js) *ೃ༄

pairing: soft dom! jay × female reader

genre: smut, fluff, soulmate au! kind of angsty it has a happy ending I swear (praise, making out, protected sex, oral (f-receiving)).

summary: in a world where everyone gets the name of their soulmate tattooed on their wrists when they turn 18, finding out your best friend is your soulmate was not how you planned your 18th birthday to go. now, what’s so bad about that you might ask? you see, jay despises the thought of soulmates. but maybe he doesn’t despise them so much when it comes to you.

please note, this work is purely that of fiction. and not meant to represent what the enhypen members are like in real life.

A/N: guys no why am I so soft,, anyway I’ve been wanting to write this for a while now, so I hope you enjoy!! and I'm reposting this now, as this didnt get a lot of notes on my old account cause of all the reporting and stuff!

word count: 3.4k

warnings: mentions of heartbreak, crying, mentions of food.

1 week ago

you bit your nails as you paced up and down your room, a nervous habit you’d picked up in your junior year of high school whilst dealing with the tremendous stress and pressure school put on you. well lucky for you, you had graduated now and your 18th birthday was just around the corner. specifically, exactly a week from now.

your best friend jay sat on your bed staring at you with amusement written all over his face as he quietly observed you, before moving up to stop you and pull your hands away from your face. “you’re going to wear yourself out” he mumbled softly, pulling you to sit next to him and rubbing your shoulder in a comforting manner.

“I know I know, I’m just nervous, what if they’re all the way on the other side of the world? or even worse, what if they’re someone I know??” the panicked expression on your face was seemingly too much for jay to handle as before you knew it, he had almost rolled off your bed, laughing his ass off at you.

you see, your “dearest” best friend jay never believed in soulmates. he himself never actually got a name on his wrist, a sign that his soulmate had not reached the age to get theirs. to say he was ecstatic would be an understatement as he was at a party that very night, hooking up with a random girl before going over to your house the next morning with a massive hangover and a sullen expression.

it hurt you to see him that way, hooking up with random people, praying that he wouldnt run into his soulmate. and it hurt even more when you thought of how his soulmate was probably so excited to meet him even if they didn’t know him yet.

if only you knew where you would be a week later, wishing it was you who never met him.

present day

the time on your phone read 11:57, and jay had shown up to your house at exactly 11:30, punctual as always, giving up his usual saturday night parties to spend the night before your special day with you instead. he held your hand in his, one thumb running up and down the expanse of your knuckles soothingly, the only thing grounding you in the tense moments before what was basically the biggest moment of your life. your eyes never met his once, only flickering from the clock to your wrist every few seconds, almost as if it would appear before time if you stared long enough.

12:00 a.m.

it was almost as if everything stopped in that moment as the words appeared on your skin. the crickets stopped chirping, that one car alarm outsode your house stopped beeping and both you and Jay stopped breathing, even if it was just for a few seconds. one by one, letter by letter, black ink slowly trailed up the soft skin on your clean wrist, marking your skin for the rest of eternity. you watched with bated breath as tbe letters curved their way into your skin, into your soul.

“P-A-R-K” looks like your soulmate would have the same last name as your best friend. “J-O-N-” that was when the realisation of what was about to happen dawned upon you. “no, no, no, no” was all you could think. “this wasn’t supposed to happen”

meeting jay’s eyes for a split second, you could see the shock on his face, the same shock you knew was written all over your face at that very moment. yanking your hand out of his warmer one, you stared at the 2 words displayed on your wrist. “park jongseong” you whispered as a one lone tear ran down your cheek, falling to you chin before disappearing into the soft material of your sweater.

this prompted jay to push up his own sleeve, the words that seem to have appeared on his wrist confirmed what you both already knew by that point. jay park, your best friend since you were 5, your rock, your everything, was your soulmate. if the situation were anything but this, you would have been jumping for joy, ecstatic that your soulmate was the man you’d grown up with your whole life. but unfortunately, that was not the case.

“_______” he whispered, voice hoarse as he held your hand in his again. gripping it tightly this time so you wouldn’t be able to let go this time. not that you wanted to anyway. “jay” you whispered back, attempting to smile at him, despite the tears that were threatening to overflow at any moment. “I-I need time to think” he said, so softly, his eyes full of nothing but remorse. “I understand jay, take your time, don’t rush okay?” you replied, squeezing his hand in reassurance. he wistfully smiled at you one last time as he pushed himself off your bed and walked out of your bedroom, closing the door with a small ‘click’, leaving you alone in the darkness of your room, mind racing and wondering what were you were going to do with this newfound information.

you fell asleep after much tossing and turning, your mind full of nothing but jay and his name that was now tattooed into the inside of your wrist. you were woken up by the bright smile of your parents, you mother holding a plate of pancakes and wishing you a happy birthday. the sight alone was enough to make you burst into tears as you wrapped your arms around her, seeking her familiar scent and comfort after the rough night you had. your parents seemed shocked, but did not press you to open up, wrapping their arms around you as they attempted to comfort you.

your mom was no foolish woman, as she seems to have caught on to what was bothering you on your special day. “its about your soulmate isn’t it?” she asked as she placed a glass of your favourite chocolate smoothie in front of you, wiping her hands on her apron. you looked up at her, disbelief written all over your face as she chuckled at you. “how did you know?” you asked as she smiled slyly at you. “I have my ways, and besides, I’m your mother” she replied with a wink. you groaned, dramatically resting your head on the counter as she laughed and gave in. “I saw jay walk out of your room last night with tears streaming down his face, and considering you woke up crying too, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what went down there”.

“you should talk it out with him sweetie, he’s not just your soulmate, he’s your best friend. despite how he feels about this whole fate thing, I’m sure the both of you will be okay.” her words reassured you as you grabbed your backpack, and walked through your front door. not even 2 minutes later you heard the biggest scream and you were tackled into a hug. giggling, you wrapped your arms around the taller boy as he squeezed you tightly. “happy birthday ______!” he said as he let go of you and continued your walk to school. “thanks sunoo” you said, smiling at the younger boy who had the biggest grin on his face.

“soooooo” he began, looking at you with an expectant expression on his face. you pursed your lips, already predicting the question that was due to escape his mouth any second from now. “jay” you said, cutting him off before he could even open his mouth. “JAY?!?!!?” he said, a little too loudly, mouth agape as he processed the information. you shrugged as he linked his arm with yours, understanding that you didnt want to talk about it.

luckily, no one pressed you about your soulmate for the rest of the day, warded off by sunoo’s glare the moment they looked like they were going to ask. you sat next to jay in all your classes, the atmosphere tense and awkward between the two of you. everyone seemed to have figured our what happened by that alone, your normally boisterous voices muted and soft. you went out after school with sunoo and riki, your mood heightened by the laughs and jokes of the two bickering boys.

when you got home, the house was eerily quiet, your parents nowhere in sight, all the lights turned off save the one in your living room. and there on the sleek grey sofa sat Jay, looking down at his hands as he anxiously played around with the rings he always wore. your footsteps alerted him of your presence, as he shot up off your sofa to greet you with a crooked smile on his face, black hair sticking up in every direction.

you smiled at him, already preparing yourself for the worst, as he walked towards you. “your parents have gone out, they handed me the keys and told me to come and talk to you if I wanted, and-” he cut himself off in the middle of his sentence, taking a deep breath and holding your hand. here goes nothing he thought. “I want to try. this whole soulmate thing I mean. maybe i wouldnt be this way if it was anyone else, but it’s you, my best friend, and I don’t want to lose you.” he mumbled out the last part, but it was still clear enough for you to hear. you couldn’t help the smile that stretched across your face at his words, his own face breaking out into a grin at your expression. you reached up on your tippy toes to wrap your arms around his neck as his hands went around your waist.

he buried his face in your hair, your soft vanilla scent calming his racing heart, and that was when he realised how much you really meant to him. he loved when you would always being him snacks after soccer practice, he loved when you let him lay his head on your lap and you ran your hands through his hair, he loved seeing the expressions you made when you ate his food, he loved you.

“I made something for you” he said, pulling away from your embrace, leading you to your kitchen and making you sit down on the counter. he grabbed a plate of your favourite pasta and a fork before lifting up a mouthful and holding it out to feed it to you. you smiled, wrapping your lips around the fork as the flavours exploded in your mouth. “oh my gosh, this is good, you’ve really outdone yourself.” he smiled at the complement before pressing a kiss to your cheek and muttering a little “happy birthday love”, leaving your face feeling hot and an uncontrollable smile on your face.

the rest of the evening went by in hin feeding you food and taking a few notes of it himself, lots of little cheek kisses, before the two of you settled down on the couch to watch a movie. it seemed like jay had gotten over his awkwardness as he pulled you to sit between his legs the moment the movie started. you looked back at him in shock, wondering when he got so bold before he pressed a kiss to your lips and told you to focus on the screen.

it might not have been the perfect first kiss, but it was with jay and that was enough. he played with your hair throughout the movie, and moved it aside at one point, pressing little kisses along the expanse of your neck. it was when he landed his lips on one particular spot that you let out a little noise, one you never even knew you could make that made him sit up a little straighter.

it was almost as if a switch flipped within him as he tightened his grip around your waist, one hand slipping up your hoodie to caress the skin near your waist. “I didn’t know you could make such pretty noises baby” he whispered in your ear, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. “well i didn’t know i could either” you whispered back, the realisation of what was about to happen making your body feel like it was on fire.

“are you sure you want this? we don’t have to do anything you dont want to sweetheart” he said, pulling away with a kiss to your cheek. you shifted so that you were facing him, legs wrapped around his waist and you reached your hands up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. “I’m sure jay, theres no one I’d rather do this with than you.” that was all the affirmation he needed, as within seconds you were being dragged to your bedroom by an overexcited jay.

he pressed you up against your room door, hands coming up to lift your thighs and wrap them around his waist, your core meeting his very obvious bulge. taking advantage of the gasp that left you, he allowed his tongue to skip into your mouth, taking control of every aspect of the kiss. pulling away, he brought you to your bed, gently letting you down onto the mattress, and reaching up to pull your hoodie off you.

“so beautiful” he whispered as he reached behind you to pull your bra off, before lifting his own arms to pull his own shirt off, leaving his body on display for you. just for you. he reached down to tug one of your nipples into his mouth, gently sucking and wrapping his tongue around the sensitive bud, his actions leaving your mouth open in a silent moan.

within minutes, both of you were left completely naked as jay continued to trail his lips down your body, pressing little kisses to your inner thigh before his mouth finally met your core, the smallest motion of his lips leaving you breathless and squirming. “stay still sweetheart, good girls don’t move around so much”. his words sent vibrations spreading throughout your body, not doing anything to help with the heat that was coursing through your veins.

his tongue delved in and out of your dripping hole, one of his hands rubbing your clit while the other held your legs open for him. “jay- i- I’m gonna-” but he was gone the moment the words fell from your mouth. and he was a sight to see. your juices mixed with his, drool and spit dripped down his chin, as he ran his tongue over his lips with a smirk on his face.

“oh so the baby wants to cum? don’t worry love, I’m going to make you feel so good”. he reached into his jacket and pulled out a condom before rolling it on and lining himself I with your entrance. he grasped your chin gently, pulling you up to look at him and planting a loving kiss on your lips. “I love you so much sweetheart, so so much” he whispered, pulling away from your lips. “I love you too jay” you said back, watching as he smiled once, before intertwining your hands and then, pushing himself into you.

nothing had ever felt as good in that moment as he gently, softly pushed himself inside. the feeling was euphoric, having your soulmate inside you in such an intimate manner. your bodies moulding together perfectly, bursts of colour lighting up the back of your eyelids as your eyes closed at the feeling of him in you. he began thrusting in and out of you slowly, not wanting to hurt you. but at your signal, he began moving faster, groans and moans escaping both your lips, finding pleasure and love in each other.

it didn’t take long for you to reach your high at all, his length hitting you in all the right places, leading you to ride out your high much faster than you expected, jay following soon after. he finished inside the condom, reaching out to pull it off and throw it away, before walking to your bathroom and grabbing a wet cloth to clean you up with.

he was greeted with the sight of your tired smile as he returned, gently cleaning you before tossing the rag and gathering you up in his arms, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “does this mean you’re mine now?” he asked, reaching down to bury his head in your hair, his hands absent-mindedly tracing shapes and figures on your bare shoulder. “it does if it means you’re mine too”. he smiled at your response, pulling the blanket over the two of you as you drifted off to sleep in the arms of the one person who would stay with you forever.

thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed and I hope you drank enough water today! ♡♡♡

[teenwolffan-with-nolife]

Jealousy

Word Count: 2,832

Characters: Derek Hale, Scott McCall, Stiles Stilinski, Noah Stilinski, Lydia Martin, Reader (gender neutral)

Pairings: Derek Hale x Platonic!Reader; Scott McCall x Platonic!Reader, Stiles Stlinski x Platonic!Reader

Warnings: angst, death, very small fluff at the end

A/N: okay either I forgot how to write, or my brain just hyped up this for no reason at all :/

A/N 2: it’s like riding a bike... writing will come back, right?

Masterlist

“We need to figure out a plan where we can all be safe. This isn’t gonna work if you can’t focus,” Scott was getting slightly, frustrated, sitting next to you while he put his hands in his head.

“Oh, come on, you have to admit this is a little funny,” you were holding back your laughter, seeing a look of anger on Derek’s face, and a look of annoyment on everyone else’s.

“How is this funny, (Y/N)?!” Stiles exclaimed.

“It’s hysterical because some dumbass bozo decided that a group of teenagers is the biggest threat in Beacon Hills!” you let out a small snicker, seeing Derek roll his eyes.

Stiles turned Lydia’s laptop screen to you, showing your name.

(Y/N) (Y/L/N) 35 

No one on the entire Deadpool was nearly as much as you, your alpha was 15 million less than you. 

“That’s even funnier! Scott, my powers are a joke compared to yours! Besides, if we’re so high up, do you really think any idiot would actually come after us? We’re powerful, we’re a werewolf pack with a true alpha, a banshee, a kitsune, a were-coyote, and a witch! I can’t even control my powers, we’re all dangerous,” you scoffed, leaning back into the chair.

You saw Derek huff as he stood up, pushing off the couch with force before walking to you, holding your wrist tightly.

You could feel slight pain, ignoring it.

“Did I do something to upset your royal highness?” you gasped dramatically, feeling his grip on your wrist tighten.

You saw Scott stand up, tense, from the side of your eye while your head hit the wall behind you.

“Oh, are you about to kiss me?” you asked, a small smirk on your face.

“You’re not fucking indestructible. We are all in danger, you were all trapped in the school and almost died, you think this is the time to dick around? That this is the time for jokes?! We’re all in danger, these hunters are ruthless,” you saw his eyes glow blue, feeling your throat tighten before you ignored it.

It’s okay

“Every single threat we’ve ever faced, we’ve gotten over. We are good at this, hunters are shitty. Why not add a little humor while we’re at it?” you replied.

“Satomi’s pack is dead! You still think we can get over this?! They’ve been alive for decades!” he yelled.

“Derek, stop-” Scott started.

“They never learn. They never listen. We are in danger, (Y/N). When we find your body, when your name is crossed out on that fucking list, maybe then you’ll learn your lesson. Maybe you could stop being so fucking cocky and arrogant. When you’re dead,” you felt your heart drop, trying to keep calm before you pulled away from Derek.

“Just because your life is fucked doesn’t mean you have to take it out on everyone else,” you saw Derek clench his fist, while Scott quickly pulled you away, just in time as Derek’s fist collided with the wall behind you,

“That’s enough, both of you. We’re not going to find (Y/N)’s body like that, we’re all going to get through this, we just need a plan. (Y/N), we need to be serious,” Scott started.

“Serious as Sirius Black?” you said.

Derek glared at you before Stiles groaned audibly.

“You know what? Maybe it’s time to take a break and go home. We’ll talk about this in the morning,” Lydia said.

Stiles nodded his head in agreement, while Derek’s tense figure softened slightly.

“I agree with Lydia. It’s time for all of us to go home,” you gave a smile and wave to the pack before making your way to the door.

Scott pulled you aside before you entered your car.

“Hey, Scotty,” you smiled.

“(Y/N), look. I know this world is terrible, I know how you think up there. But you need to tone it down. We just need you to be serious for five minutes. Meet me in the middle here, what if one of us isn’t here next time Derek decides he wants to punch your face?” you could hear a worried tone in Scott’s voice.

“Well, we just pray that I’m never alone with the sourwolf,” you sat in your car while Scott sighed.

“Fine. I get what you’re saying. I’ll tone it down,” he nodded his head, thanking you before making his way to his motorcycle.

---

You yawned softly, turning on the lights as you dropped your bag to the floor.

“Hey, I’m home,” you called out to your siblings, getting silence as a response.

“Don’t pretend to be asleep. Get your asses down here!” you said.

You walked to the kitchen, seeing the dishes left all over the place, including some broken glass left on the floor.

You began to feel nervousness in your chest before you made your way up the stairs.

“Hey, Olivia, Liam? Is anyone here?” you opened their room doors, your heart stopping. They weren't there, they were nowhere in sight.

Both of your siblings knew and listened to your rules no matter what, it was a side effect of paranoia after your parents died. You made all the rules, they listened no matter what.

You felt your throat tighten, dialing your sister’s number, then your brother’s. They both went to voicemail.

You ran down the stairs, running your fingers through your hair as a small whimper escaped your lips. Your vision blurred as tears flooded your eyes. You wiped them away, taking shaky breaths before calling Scott.

The call went to voicemail, but he sent a text back.

You gathered your belongings once again, running out of your house.

---

Your breathing was shaky, you ran out of your car as you rushed up the stairs, about to enter the loft before you heard Derek yelling at Scott.

“They're going to die, I don’t know why we’re pretending (Y/N)'s not going to. They’re arrogant, they're cocky, they can’t stay serious for longer than two minutes-” you put your hand over your mouth to hold back your cries.

“(Y/N) has a different way of coping, that’s all this is. Their parents died, they have to take care of their siblings, they try to take care of all of us. I say let them be,” Scott replied.

“No. I want them out of the pack, all they are is a burden at this point.”

You’re wasting time, (Y/N)

You couldn't bring yourself to open the door, to ask Scott for help. Not right now, at least.

You found yourself running out of the loft, instantly freezing as you were met with the barrel of a gun.

Your eyes widened, putting your hands up as you froze.

“Get in the car,” his voice sounded calm, while your eyes glowed purple.

“If you try anything on me, you can say goodbye to both of your siblings,” you felt a shiver up your bones as you clenched your jaw.

“Olivia and Liam, was it? Oh, you should've heard them crying for you, it was pathetic,” he scoffed.

“They’re children-” 

“And they’ll have a chance to live if you come with me right now,” you felt a tear slip down your face, nodding softly.

You walked in front of him, keeping your hands up as your heart began to race in your chest, sitting in the van before the man handcuffed your wrists.

---

Your bruises covered the majority of your body, you sat alone at the Sheriff’s Station. Your hands were shaking, you tried to keep your focus off the events from the past two weeks.

You instantly remembered the events from last year, sitting in this exact position, at this exact place. 

“No, I-I didn't see them come in,” your throat tightened, you looked down while Sheriff Stilinski stood in front of you.

“So how did you know something happened?” he asked softly.

“I was… I was doing my homework, I heard this pound bang. I-I thought my siblings were playing but then-” your voice wavered as you stopped yourself, holding back your tears.

“I heard crying, and now…” 

You closed your eyes at the memory, letting out a shaky breath.

“(Y/N), we need to know what happened,” Noah asked softly.

He leaned down in front of you, your entire body remained tense.

“I can’t talk about this right now,” your voice broke.

You could see the surprised look on Stilinski’s face, you weren't much of a person to be serious, as the pack was familiar with.

You were the jokester, the class clown. The dead weight. You soon found out that if you focused on the humor in every situation, your mind would be too preoccupied to think about the pain. But there wasn't any humor in this, only your stupidity.

If you listened to Scott, your siblings would be alive. If you were serious for 5 minutes, you could have helped the pack come up with a plan.

But now you sat alone at the Beacon Hills Department.

“Stiles is almost here. How do you feel about staying with us for a while?” he asked softly.

Sheriff Stilinski always treated you like his kid, always taking care of you. He knew that you would feel bad, returning to your house all alone.

You nodded softly, while he nodded, giving you a small smile.

“Is there anything important that I need to know?” Stilinski asked softly.

You could see your hands shaking, while you clenched your jaw.

“I don't know what they did… I-I don't have my powers anymore,” you tried to keep your voice strong before his face fell, wrapping his arms around you.

“I’m so sorry, (Y/N). I promise you that we’ll find them and make them pay.”

“(Y/N)?” you saw Stiles walk into the station, Scott following close behind.

The two of them ran to you, wrapping their arms around you tightly. You held back your cries, burying your face in Stiles’ neck before taking a deep breath.

“Hey, let’s go?” Scott asked softly.

You nodded, while Scott held your hand, beginning to take your pain.

“It’s fine,” you pulled away from him.

He paused for a second, before nodding softly.

Stiles gave a look to Scott before the three of you walked out of the station.

---

“Do you have any ideas?” you looked up at Scott talking to you, seeing the rest of the pack giving you a look.

“There isn’t anything we can do. We just need to be able to defend ourselves,” you explained quietly.

“Lydia, have you figured out how to shut down the…”

Your mind drifted from the conversation, you remained quiet and curled up on the couch. Stiles sat next to you. The entire pack kept their eyes on you, you know they pitied you. Even Derek remained silent about your actions, the two of you haven't fought all week.

“So then one of us can stay here and defend you-” Stiles started.

“I don't need anyone to defend me-” the two of them began to argue briefly before Scott sighed, stopping them.

“(Y/N), can you stay here with Derek?” Scott asked softly.

No, I hate him, he hates me 

You found yourself nodding before you cleared your throat to speak.

“Yeah, that’s fine. We’ll see you tomorrow,” Stiles pressed a small kiss to your forehead before he and Scott left.

You turned to face Derek, seeing a tensed look on his face.

“I can show you to the extra room,” he said softly while you nodded.

---

You kept to yourself mainly, keeping your focus on your work. Derek would even forget that you were there. He would occasionally try to talk to you, you were surprised to hear him cracking a joke.

You had grown slightly annoyed, you knew he felt guilty. There was never a time he didn't make you feel bad about being happy or making jokes. 

You held a gun in your hand, something that you weren't used to yet. With Derek losing his power, he was unable to defend himself, you had yet to tell the pack about you losing your powers.

You sighed, resting your head on your hand.

“Hey,” you clenched your jaw, hearing Derek’s voice as he approached you.

“This is kinda funny, you know. You having to protect me like this,” you tried to keep your focus off Derek, feeling your throat tighten in anger slightly.

“Hey,” you sighed deeply, looking up at Derek.

“I’m really sorry-”

“Shut up,” you clenched your jaw. Derek had a slight look of surprise on his face.

“I’m sorry, I-”

“Stop,” you shook your head.

“(Y/N)-” 

“We were never friends. Why are you trying to be nice all of a sudden?” you stood up in front of him.

“I just want to see you happy again,” he said softly.

“Are you fucking joking?” you scoffed.

He stayed quiet, giving you a soft look while you crossed your arms.

“You’ve always made me feel bad about having a smile on my face, for trying to be happy. Isn’t this what you fucking wanted?!” you raised your voice, while he clenched his jaw.

“This isn’t what I wanted to happen-”

“No! They murdered both of my siblings in front of me, they took my powers. What the fuck did you think was going to happen?” you shouted at him, feeling your heart race.

“Your powers? (Y/N)...”

“Yeah, you’d rather you just found my body, right?! When my name is crossed off on that fucking list, so then maybe I can learn my lesson, right?!” you yelled.

“That’s not what I meant, (Y/N)-”

“Why? Because you’d rather kill me yourself?! You could’ve done it the other day, when you tried to punch me, if Scott hadn’t stopped you,” your eyes watered as your voice wavered slightly.

“(Y/N)-”

“I heard you telling Scott about how you wanted me out of the pack! How I’m a big fucking burden! So, please stop pitying me and just leave me the fuck alone!” you yelled.

“I know how you feel, (Y/N). My family’s dead too, (Y/N),” he said softly.

“You wanna compare?! Did someone murder your parents? While you were in the fucking house, too dumb to realize until it was too late?! Have you been taking care of your younger siblings for a year, a-and because you can’t do anything right, they get kidnapped and you watch them die. I can hear their voices, Derek. They were screaming, they cried for me to save them and I couldn’t do anything. Don’t pretend you know what I’m going through, what this feels like because you don’t. None of you understand,” more tears fell from your eyes as you continued to yell at Derek before you ran your fingers through your hair, letting out a shaky breath.

You let out a small cry, putting your hand over your mouth to stop yourself.

Derek wrapped his arms around you tightly, taking you by surprise.

But you didn’t care. You were in too much pain to care. You were too tired to care.

He stroked your cheek softly, holding you tightly as he rested his head on top of yours.

“You’re right, I don’t know how you feel. I never will. That doesn’t mean that I’ll let you go through this alone,” your chest was aching as you scrunched your eyes tightly, a small cry escaping your lips.

“Out of all of us, I’m the closest to understand how you feel, how to lose your entire family, and feeling like it’s all your fault. But, it’s not, (Y/N),” you buried your face in his neck as he continued to caress your back, pressing his lips to your forehead.

“And I’m sorry that I was such a dick. I never hated you, I could never hate you. I was just jealous,” he said softly.

You looked up at him while he stroked your cheeks, wiping away your tears.

“If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I promise I’ll never screw it up, and I promise that I’ll never hurt you,” you nodded as he pressed his lips to your forehead once again.

“It’s getting late, we should probably go to sleep soon,” he said softly.

“I can’t fall asleep,” you sighed.

“Then I’ll help you,” he nodded.

He walked you to his bed, laying down next to you before wrapping his arms around you once again.

“You’re safe, I promise,” you nodded softly, closing your eyes.

He continued to hold you, listening to your heart rate and breathing before making sure you were asleep. He sat up on his elbow, looking down to face you. Your face was covered in dry tears and snot, he could see your pain while he sighed softly.

“You’re safe now,” he muttered softly.

He turned off the lights, before laying back on the bed, falling asleep next to you.

[muffindaddystyles]

Will mafia!h and Y/N will have babies? 🥺💓

IM SO SORRY TO TELL YOU THIS BESTIE BUT.... </3

39. " I'm not saying a goodbye."

It was raining. Skies a gloomy shade of cinereal. Harry’s sleek car came to a screeching halt infront of the vast threshold of his home -- his grin pearlish, eyes twinkling a spark as he gets out of the car not caring to close the door behind. He greets his staff and strides two steps together with a gorgeous bunch of his lovie’s favourite flowers now dewy with raindrops and his nose twitched upon sniffing the vanilla-y smell while passing the kitchen and with his beam never vanishing he leaned into the doorframe asking the people inside, “’Ave y'seen Y/N?” Only for them to shake their heads in uncertainty.

She hasn’t showed herself downstairs since morning and even though it’s very odd of her not to chirp around the mansion nobody went to knock at her door to inquire, they think she deserves privacy.

This time they should have because when Harry barged inside their room it was caliginous with curtains shut and lights dimmed to zero.

“Lovie?” His cheery voice clamoured against the walls, a sour feeling he couldn’t be aware of pinches him in throat as he bobbed his head around to look for her and it perked up when a shadow falls on his feet.

“Baby?” His smile quirked back onto his confused features and he narrowed his eyelids to take in her presence through the darkness of wardrobe, “Harry.” A shaky whisper floated towards him and before that sweet call she was falling against his chest.

“Y/N ... baby —-,” His stumped chuckle halted, his brain numbed for a moment when his fingertips brushed up her back to push her closer to him and they trembled as they collected the wetness there. His heart bleaks a stinging pain into it’s cords, his breath shuddered coldly, flowers falling sadly beside their feet and his eyes earths with tears of panic, angst and torment.

His fingertips coating in his love's thick blood.

“I –- ‘m .. you –.. you’re h-hu —- hurt,” He stammered through a whimper hand wrapping around the dagger whose half end’s stabbed into Y/N's spine, her weak frail body unresponsive though she could listen to him.

“Who did this to you! Who did this to you!?” His screams and cries startled everyone downstairs and they rushed up to see what’s happening, to be shocked by their sights of Y/N limp in Harry’s embrace.

He turned his neck to shout at them, “I need a hand t’help me!!” His eyes bloodshot and Niall his best-man scurried over to them as Harry carried Y/N and laid her on her tummy on the bed, he slips onto his knees putting his chin on the mattress to look in her hazy painful eyes -- tears caged in them but never flowing down.

“Harry ...” She mumbled grittily in agony lifting her shaky fingers to pet his face and like an affection starved kitten Harry doesn’t let her tire herself and gets closer to her himself, “Niall bring the first aid, it’s under the sink.” He commands him not letting his eyes drift from over her angelic face.

“You’re okay baby. You’re okay, I know how to stitch up knife wounds.” He sniffled sucking in a breath trying to be brave for her and she just smiled gorgeously, lips blue and cheeks draining out of her usual berry stain.

“Jesus. Harry she’s been stabbed thrice, those fuckers,” Niall’s words wavered in fear and sympathy for Y/N. He squeezed Harry’s shoulder as Harry sobbed upon hearing that, “No –-... no, no! It’s still okay yeah poppet? I’m g’na get y'alright.” He wanted to covers his eyes to block the hurting groans Y/N elicited and he cradled her soft face in his warm palms in comparison to her temperature, touching their temples to pray together.

“Harry li .. listen to —- to me,” She gasps eyes flittering over his shoulder towards Bambi and Thumper the two dogs that had gotten overly fond of her, Harry’s blurry gaze follows her enfeebled gesture for them to come near her.

They whined and howled sadly flopping beside Harry and Harry hiccupped into his elbow shaking his head when Y/N put her hand under their ears in effort to scratch them but wasn’t able to unfortunately, “Hi babies. You’re gonna look after dad after ‘m gone?” Everyone cried at that watching her soul leave their dull lives that watered colourful upon her arrival.

“Don’t say that! Don’t y'dare say that!” Harry sobbed rushing to hug her tightly, the front of his shirt loathing crimson and she hissed looping her arm against his neck when Niall pulled the dagger out from her lower spine gradually and slowly not to hurt her.

“’M so sorry baby, sorry for being the reason of y’pain.” His tears dampened her already sweaty crook of neck, “Pr – promise me t-that that you’ll have some —.. someone who lov‐-.. loves –--,” She whimpered. Her body jerked into him with a force and she pushed him weakly away to stitch her lips tenderly against his's.

“Tell me bubby. Ha—- have I loved y'enough?” She cooed into their kiss and Harry bolted his eyes shut, poisonous sobs wrecking out of his chest.

“Tell me before, I go ...” Her heartbeat started dropping insanely, her lips wobbled, toes curling with life excavating out of her, “Y'have. Y'have don’t go baby, I’m not saying a goodbye!” He cried showering her in kisses for the one last time and pets her hair, eyes closed praying she takes him with herself because he'd never recover from the pain of loosing the only person he loved more than himself, the person who made hum love himself.

“I love you ..” She whispered, her loving kind eyes locked against his’s and the pool of honey around her rims expanded, her lips parted around the gasping breaths and Harry begged and pleaded — a side of him no-one has ever witnessed as he twisted in anguish considering himself the unluckiest man on the earth for letting his lover go like this, in the worst possible way.

“I love you, I thought I’d never be capable of, y'made me worthy darling. I'll always love you baby....” He shrieked into her chest heaving her up gently to embrace her properly and even though he knew she was no more with him, he fooled himself into thinking so.

If it was possible he’d have clawed his ribs to pluck out his heart in return of hers and he felt like the sun and earth had crashed vanishing away the time spaces as he sat there crying and crying mourning the loss of his lovie that could never be healed by anything in this whole word.

He keeps on holding her, rocking back and forth as he lulls her to slumber of death.

It hurts. It hurts so bad.

His heart weeps.

His soul aches.

When rain stopped and that tranquil silence doomed over them, rage filled his every pore and vein.

He knew who did this. Harry has played dirty but he has never played unfair. It was this gang of companies who sabotaged and destructed the orphanages at the property which belonged to his mother (but the papers weren’t clear) to build restaurants and apartments there so Harry took revenge by burning acres of their illegal drug running underground factory and rebuilt the orphanages and took Y/N to one of their charity events.

She was the happiest he had ever seen her.

It’s like a gun barrel clicked in. A firecracker catching the fuse of ashe to burst everything into flames as Harry laid her with ever most tenderness and kissed her temple, her lifeless eyelids and her chapped lips.

Cleaned the streak of blood with his sleeve and didn’t wipe his tears away bashing out of the room, everyone stepped away as Niall lunged infront of him to stop him before he goes to cause damage to himself more than to them for being in such a vulnerable and weak state.

“Step away.” He growled angrily, gaze fiery and dangerous.

“No.” Niall sighed.

“I wouldn’t get her buried in sucha cold blood. She didn’t deserved this, hell nobody does.” Harry kissed his teeth together gripping at his hair ruthlessly, cheeks dry with tears, his limbs trembling, his head spinning.

“Anyone who wouldn’t follow my orders gets their kneecaps blow-off.” He grunted -- nostrils flaring and saying this he went away, snatching his guns from the console and ordered his men to find the security guards that had their duties at the main gates.

In just a day he hunted each of those monsters down like a hungry wolf and gave them such punished, tortured deaths that each one fell in Harry’s feet for his mercy but his heart was turned into a stone already because the only warmth it had there was because of one person and that person’s gone leaving him to survive in this hellhole alone while he dragged these bastards to the depths of firepits.

Once, coming back home to her. To his sunshine, to his soul and life, to his reasons of getting up every morning so he would get to spend time with her —- he broke down. Into shattered bits and pieces of remorse, guilt and sadness feeling himself so small and hurtable as he cried to himself all alone in their garden with no-one to console him where he’ll come to meet her daily.

He wants to rip his skin apart and set it on fire for his beating heart to stop, for it stop feeling.

He feels sick. Fainting, in urgency and desperation to hold his baby and never let go.

To lay down with her under the soil if that's possible.

his only reason to live.

His only beloved.

.

The wind giggles through pink leaves of cherry blossom tree, lush grass resting peacefully and Harry smiles to himself treading towards his two most favourite people in the world.

The spring being their heartiest month.

“Azalea! What y’chattering ‘bout t'mum?” He asks and nods proudly when his lil boy stands up from his cross position on the ground from beside his mother and brushes the grassy spikes from his cherry printed shorts with his little pudgy hands.

“My first day at school dada!” The four years old squeals and Harry scoops him up in his arms, kissing his cheek again amount less times, “Is that so, huh! huh!” He tickles his little bun.

Y/N was right. Isn’t she always. Harry chuckles. Even if she’s gone he still feels loved from her, she’s in the rains, in the sweaters he wears when he feels shallow, in the scent of his pillows, she’s in the vanilla smell of their favourite cupcakes – she’s in his dreams and that name of their son, Azalea.

She always wanted to name their first born Azalea, a blooming flower that happens to be a vibrant pink, a gift of spring, are floriferous in sunshine and she'd always say that Harry would be their sun.

Their ever source of happiness.

Azalea was three days old when his mother died and Harry took him home even though not sure of his own decision but something in those little eyes that matches his mommy made Harry’s heart attract towards him so much he brought him without another thought.

A home he built with Y/N. The curtains of the mansion still remains pushed back wide, flower vases on every furniture, not a day goes by when anyone doesn’t misses her and the ducklings has grown so much that Y/N would have been spinning in happiness around.

Nothing has changed, life’s fleeting for everyone except for Harry. He counts each day and night that goes without her beside him in his sleep, in the little picnics with Azalea and Niall, in the story reading at nights with his baby, in kitchen to watch the winters first rain prattling against that one window that’s old enough to carry the remains of his ancestors, she’s never there to share a noodle pot with him while he sits and eat alone, never there to patch his favourite socks back, to kiss his forehead whenever he leaves home, to call him sweet names and to laugh with him on his silly jokes, to do thumb fights, to get angry with him whenever he refuses to layer himself in cold.

Never.

Never physically. But, she’s always there in his heart, her presence lurks around him and he could feel the warmth of her wrapping around him whenever he falls asleep watching telly.

“What did y'learn today bubba?” He asks Azalea and grins cheekily when Azalea babbles, “Colours!”

“That’s fuckin’ amazin'!” At that a huge gush of breeze hits him in face a tiny branch of the tree they’re standing under falls on his head.

“Kay' kay fine! No cursing.” He squeaks in defence pouting down at the grave of his lovie and his face splits into a grin when his hair glittered up with cherry blossom leaves.

“We miss you very much,” His voice heavy and sad. He gulps chokingly and blinks away the glossiness, stroking a thumb up Azalea cheek who’s sitting in Harry’s lap.

Every evening they come to meet Y/N, the hole in his heart couldn’t fill up of her void but the soothing feeling of relief that she’s in their garden and nearer to him has lessened the grief.

“G’na meet you tomorrow, our baby’s mighty hungry.” He chuckles hearing the grumbling noises coming from Azalea’s belly.

“You’re so cheeky baby.” His eyes glimmers and he feels himself swooning into breeze, “How’s it going in heaven?” He asks airily tracing his initials beside her beautiful name engraved at the tombstone and it’s like she’s scolding him when he gets a nip on his pointy finger.

“Azalea kiss mommy a goodbye.” Harry breaks into laughter when Azalea bobs his head and almost tumbles of his daddy’s lap in the effort to reach the tombstone.

“Goodbye beautiful.” Harry whispers kissing the top of her tombstone and his heart bursts into lilacs when once again he’s showered into petal like leaves.

“I love you too, baby.” Finally he has accepted to say goodbyes.

[clairenatural]

destiel, 1.4k. another post-series (15x20 coda?) of the Heaven reunion, this one with trueform!cas :)

“Cas helped.”

Dean looks up at that, and Bobby is looking at him with an easy smile, and Dean waits for the inevitable rush of oh God does he know—but it doesn’t come. He starts to understand what this “at peace” thing is all about.

“Yeah?” he answers, a slow smile spreading across his face. “Is he, uh. Here?”

Bobby turns his smirk back on his beer bottle. “He’ll be along.”

Dean looks from Bobby to the impala, sitting clean and shiny in front of Harvelle’s, and then on to the dirt road that stretches off into the distance. He nods, begins to stand. “I’m gonna go for a drive,” he mumbles to Bobby, who just nods absently and watches him leave.

The Impala is warm, familiar. Grounding. The keys are on the passenger seat, on top of the same box of cassette tapes he’d had since he was 26. He’s glad to have it with him—he hopes Sam is taking good care of the real thing. He hopes Sam has Eileen riding shotgun, Miracle panting in the back. He smiles. They’re all in good hands.

Dean turns on the stereo and the opening bars of Ramble On fill the car, and he realizes the tape playing is the only one that hasn’t been in the box from the beginning. It makes his heart ache—he’s not meant to be listening to this alone. More than anything, though, it reminds him what—who—he’s driving to.

He’ll be along.

Dean drives for what feels like hours but could only be a few minutes—and time doesn’t really exist up here, anyway. He just drives, and the scenery around him shifts with every passing mile, and he doesn’t know where he’s going but he knows he’s driving until.

Until ends up being a field off the highway that opens up in front of him as he turns the bend. The sky darkens as he pulls up, and it’s a clearer night sky than he’d ever seen down below, and it looks just like one of the fields Cas would always make him pull over at on the way back from a hunt, just for a few minutes, just to see the stars.

He pulls the car into the shoulder and steps out, walks until he’s in the middle of the field, and stops. He looks up—but he is up, and how do you pray to a place you’re already in?

“Cas—” he starts, but he’s barely done with the syllable before a cold wind blows past him and he feels something behind him. A presence. Him.

Okay, so maybe he was overthinking the praying part.

Dean turns slowly, and all his breath leaves his body at the sight of the angel before him. He doesn’t know what he was expecting—he’s in Heaven, obviously, and angels, well—this is just what they look like. And this angel, well—

Castiel is towering. Approximately the size of your Chrysler building, Dean remembers. He’s many-headed, a mass of wings and eyes, a being made of pure light. Dean half expects him to start with be not afraid, but he doesn’t—he doesn’t say anything—and Dean isn’t afraid. This is right, he thinks. This is beautiful.

“Castiel,” Dean breathes, the full name leaving his lips for the first time in years, and the angel glows brighter at the sound of it.

Hello, Dean. He speaks without speaking, as if the words are being projected straight into Dean’s mind. His whole body reverberates with them. You’re early.

Dean smiles, and it’s a bittersweet thing. “Yeah, sorry about that. I wasn’t too eager to get up here, either.”

He can’t explain what, but something about the angel feels sad.

“You, uh—last time, you kinda left in a rush. Didn’t let me say anything,” he continues, both to shut down any more death talk and also because if he doesn’t say anything now he’ll chicken out for another century.

My apologies. I wasn’t intending on seeing you again.

Dean throws both his arms out. “That’s the point, man! You can’t just drop something like that on a guy and die.” There’s something almost absurd about chastising an Angel of the Lord in his true form, but Dean doesn’t care. His whole damn life had been absurd.

There’s a silence. Dean can almost see the way Cas would be shifting on his feet, if he still had feet to shift on.

I’ll try not to do it again, he says, finally, and Dean can’t help but grin.

“Yeah, you better not. At least not without letting me tell you that I love you too, you asshole.”

There wasn’t much sound to begin with, but any ambient noise around stops. For the first time since he arrived Heaven is silent, except for a low buzzing he slowly realizes is coming from the being in front of him. He suddenly remembers sparks of electricity and shattering lightbulbs.  

You love me?

Dean laughs again, nervous now. “Yeah, I do. I mean—I have. You know. For…a while.”

There’s another moment that is too still, too quiet, before Castiel moves—something that could be a wing reaches out for him, and Dean should be terrified, but he’s not. He lets the light touch his cheek and closes his eyes. It’s warm. It’s pure.

Slowly, the light-wing becomes more and more solid, more and more hand-shaped, until Dean feels the weight of a human palm on his face. He opens his eyes and meets familiar blue ones. He grins. “Heya, Cas.”

There’s still an apprehension in Cas’ eyes, which Dean hates. “You love me,” he repeats, out loud this time.

“Yeah,” Dean confirms.

“I don’t understand.” Cas drops his hand from Dean’s face but Dean catches it in his own, links their fingers together.

“It’s three words, Cas. Pretty self-explanatory.”

“But you said it to my true—to me.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “Well, yeah, dumbass. I love you.”

Cas is still staring at him like something isn’t clicking. He takes a deep breath. “Dean, you know that—what I said, just saying it, that was enough…I don’t need you to—"

“Hey, Cas?” Dean cuts him off, and he stops rambling. “You know what you said, about wanting something you can’t have?”

Cas nods.

“I’m telling you that you can have it.”

Cas blinks at him, and then it’s like everything slides into place, and he’s grinning and reaching back up for Dean’s face, and then—then they’re kissing. Dean is in literal Heaven, kissing an angel, and it’s—well. It’s perfect.

When they finally move apart, it’s not far, and Cas doesn’t drop his hands. Dean leans their foreheads together and they stay there, breathing together, until Cas breaks the silence.

“I was going to come back.” Dean has his eyes closed but he opens them at that.

“Hmm?”

“I was going to come back,” Cas repeats, louder this time, pulling back enough to look Dean in the eye. “Dean, I promise—Jack needed help repairing Heaven, but after that I was going to come back to you. And Sam. I just didn’t expect—”

Dean gets it. He does. “Hey, I didn’t either.”

Cas shakes his head, as if Dean isn’t getting it. “Yes, but, if I had been there—”

And nope. No. They’re not going there. “Cas,” Dean cuts him off, stern but not unkind. “It’s okay. You weren’t, and it happened, and that’s—it’s okay.”

“Is it?” Cas is staring at him, earnest and sad, and the sadness is heavy, and—well. No, it’s not.

“It’s not—I ain’t too thrilled about being dead, alright? But it also ain’t your fault, and I figure I’ve got an eternity to mourn myself, so…” Dean tightens his hold around Cas’ waist. “Can we just. Have this, right now?”

Cas smiles at him, and it’s still sad, but it’s a start. He strokes his thumb along Dean’s cheekbone. “We can have it forever,” he promises. 

Dean smiles back as he leans in again.