#i’m in a new space. ive taken a lot of big steps. it’s ok to settle into being a different person because of it

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

i think the thing that i’m most looking forward to about moving into my apartment is starting over. not fully - i’m not cutting everyone off, i’m not completely restarting hobbies or commitments - but this is a space i’ll probably be in long-term where i can restart a bit. i’ll be living in my own place. i’m not going back to be stuck in the house that i was in through losing my mobility and all my health issues and everything with my dad. i’m not stuck with the constant risk of seeing people i used to know who want to catch up. i don’t have to constantly change myself or feel stuck as someone i’m not anymore. i’m nervous, and this is a really big change, but i think i need it

[chubby-dragon13]

An Unexpected Visit

Welp It’s been a century since I’ve written anything on this blog. My current hyperfixation fandom now is League of legends though there is literally no WG stories for this fandom at all and the only ones ive seen are for the same females so ive just decided to write somthing for myself with my favorite ship, the two ninja masters Shen and Zed.

I WILL MAKE THIS AS OBVIOUS AS POSSIBLE. THIS IS A WEIGHT GAIN STORY SO IF YOU DONT LIKE IT JUST KEEP ON SCROLLING OK! PLEASE DONT LEAVE ANY HATE OK? THANKS.

He knew he was going to get caught. That was the plan after all. Did Shen wail on him a bit harder then he expected. Just a bit. It was honestly more surprising that he was alive if he really had to think about it. Like his father though Shen had that odd mercy that he never did understand and had him shipped to Tuula Prison where he was purged, rather painfully, of his shadow magic and left in a cell alone. Now he sits on his simple, slightly ratty bed and finishes his lunch for the day, just as he does everyday. He places the plate to the side and places his hand on his stomach. Looking down he flinches slightly at the new doughy softness that has made it’s self known slowly but surely in his time in this cell. Never being allowed to leave his cell much and eating more then he normally would has certainly taken its toll. The master of shadow never really ate much if at all most days and now to suddenly eat three meals a day and not move around much had added plushness he never thought he’d ever see on himself. He grimaces at the taught peasant tunic he’s wearing. It had been getting tighter recently. This would be the forth time he’d need a new shirt. A deep sigh escapes his lips as his hand moves over his distended stomach down to his thickened thighs. It was the oddest sensation to be so…big. Along with this size also came the weight. His movements were slow and and clunky compared to how they used to be because of it. Even walking has changed. From the smooth quick strides to an odd slow sway as his thighs push each other to move forward. Seeing what he’s become from what he was will never cease being embarrassing. Not that he can do much about it anymore. He lays back on the bed and winces as the bed frame creaks. Nothing to do now but lament what once was.

Shen isn’t entirely sure what he’s doing as he walks into the prison. For months now his mind has been filled with the thought of his childhood best friend since he was caught. Of course he pushed duty first above all else. He was caught and now paying for his crime. There should be nothing more to this story. It’s done and over with. At least it should be. His heart and mind seem to be telling him otherwise and was now dragging the Eye of Twilight to Tuula prison to see him. Perhaps if he sees him one more time he’ll finally get over this attachment. The guards are quick to let him in and don’t ask questions when he asks to be left alone with Usan. He’s informed where his cell is and makes a bee line there. As he gets closer though he slows and begins to second guess himself a bit. Why is he doing this again? What was the point? Usan was gone only Zed remained. Yet why did he keep thinking there was a bit of him that he loved still left in this albino man? No. He had to do this. Closer was the only way to truly move on. He’s walking pace renewed he quickly made it to what was supposed to be Zed’s cell but as he peers in he doesn’t see the slender pale figure he was expecting to see. In its place was still a pale form but it was much, much larger then he remembered. Quietly he takes a couple unsure steps forward towards the large man and experimentally calls out to them.

“Usan? Zed? Is that you?” The figure suddenly goes completely still like it was flash frozen and now a statue. Burgundy eyes look back at him with a wide surprised expression. He knew those eyes. This was most definitely Zed. Shen enters his cell and watches as Zed rolls his newly rotund body upright with a couple soft grunts. The albino puffs a bit and takes in a breath as he sits on the bed.

“Shen. What brings you here? I’m sure you’ve heard I am incapable of causing trouble without my powers.” The ginger looks down at the pudgy man with a raised eyebrow. Despite his shock of seeing Zed like this he keeps his voice in his usual calm monotone.

“I am certain the lack of power is a smaller reason for you not causing trouble.” The former Master of Shadows glares up at him. Ah, so there is still some fire in him. That’s oddly nice to see.

“Glad to see your eyes are still functioning.” Zed snaps back at him. Shen sighs.

“I did not come here to fight with you.” The huff that comes from the seated male tells him that he does not believe him.

“Then do tell. Why are you here?” A simple enough question to ask. Not so simple to answer. He supposes being truthful and blunt should be the way to go. Like pulling out a thorn.

“I came here to see you.” The expression of disbelief on Zed’s face tells him he’s still untrusting. Zed knows Shen does not lie but he couldn’t be here for such a simple reason.

“You came here. To see me? Why?” Shen breaks eye contact and lets his blue tinted eyes roam down towards Zed’s new acquisition. The bulging mass sitting heavily in his lap, taking up so much space on those larger thighs that are spread wide on the bed. He is completely transfixed on this new plump form. Every curve and bulge unique and begging him to reach out and explore the tattooed pale mass underneath that strained tunic that seems to be struggling to hold back the, what he assumes to be, slowly growing belly underneath. He clearly was going to need a new shirt soon and possibly new pants as well to hold all of him in. The normally stone face of Zed has gained a hint of red as the Eyes of Kinkou Master roam his body. He clears his throat to try to regain Shen’s attention and those glowing blue eyes look back up at his cherubic face.

“Well? Now that you’ve looked me over enough answer the question. Why are you here?” Shen coughs into his hand and is obviously trying to shove his awkwardness down.

“I told you, I came here to see you. I am not sure why either. You have…been on my mind a lot recently and I thought perhaps if I saw you again I could move on.” The truth has been revealed and a slightly uncomfortable silence fills the air.

“I see. Well, you’ve seen me. Can you move on now?” The slight sadness in Zed’s voice as he says that is not lost on Shen.

“No.” He says bluntly. It was true as well. Seeing Zed, and his new form, again has only increased his heart and mind’s desire to be close to the one he loved, loves, once more. A deep inhale and a couple large strides is the only warning Zed gets as Shen closes the space between them and crouches down to embrace him fully. The albino man goes completely still in shock. Oh. He was not expecting this at all. The embrace was so warm and strong. Large hands squeezing his soft, yielding flesh.Defined jaw and cheekbones pushed against pudgy, round cheeks. Muscular torso against plush belly and breasts. Contrasts so stark but so oddly pleasant against each other. It takes Zed a few moments to fully sink into the hug and return it with his own plush arms. They stay like this for a good while before one of the large hands moves to the front and gives the large fatty mass a gentle squeeze. This brings a sudden small gasp from the shorter man.

“So forward are we?” The assailant lets out a soft, short laugh, hand working the swollen fat slightly.

“I would be lying if I said I was not a bit curious to feel what your body felt like now.” A small strange shiver runs down Zed’s spine. Curious was he? Maybe he should indulge in Shen’s curiosity. He pushes Shen back a bit and lifts the tunic up and off him, letting the restrained tattooed fat flood forward.

“Oh.” Is all the Eye of Twilight can muster as his vision is filled with jiggling paleness. His mouth going a bit dry at the sight of so much ample fat. He can’t remember ever being attracted to larger men but there is just something about the way Zed wears all of this that just seems so nice. A pudgy hand rubs softly at the bulging stomach ever so tauntingly.

“Well, you want a feel?” Yes. Yes he does. Shen wastes no time in letting his hands sink deeply into the blubbery mound on Zed’s lap. It was so warm and lush so perfect for holding. He squeezes his way down to the marked underbelly and lifts the full mass slightly and lets it fall into place. Blue eyes locked in and completely mesmerized by the wobbling it does. A chuckle breaks his concentration.

“I did not take you for someone so interested in this?” Zed gestures to his bloated frame. Shen smiles slightly.

“Neither did I. I suppose I just can not resist you no matter what you look like.” Red flashes across ivory skin.

“Ah. Ever the one for flattery hm?” A surprising tender kiss lands and presses against his belly. The smile widening a bit more.

“No. I just speak truth. You have always been lovely and I still mean it.”  A gentle push that is so reminiscent from when they were young lands on Shen’s face. It seems he has managed to fluster the once cold shadow master. He watches in amusement as the albino squirms slightly and is red faced from embarrassment. Cute. His hand goes up to cup his soft cheek and rubs it tenderly. Getting up he continues to stroke Zed’s cheek. Light blue and burgundy eyes meet before closing. Lips meet with passion that had been pent up for so long. Hands eagerly taking as much of each other as they can until the stronger of the two pushes them down onto the bed. The hefty round frame is quickly straddled. Big plump belly pressed against hardened abs. The kiss breaks when they run out of breath and Shen is looking down at the panting face underneath and can’t help but dip down to kiss the thick layer of fat that has given Zed a second chin. A small laugh comes out of the pale man.

“Having fun?” A hand lands on the center of the tattooed girth and wobbles it a little playfully.

“Yes. How could I not?” Shen lays himself down next to Zed on the bed and holds him close. The hand has not left the shadow masters portly stomach and starts rubbing circles into it. A quiet groan escapes the bloated man. That feels so wonderful. A chuckle comes out of the ginger and he leans in to kiss the others cheek.

“Is that nice?” The white haired man nods and presses himself more into him. So desperate for the touch of one another. So much time has past. So much time wasted. Now they will waste no more time. No more what if’s or wondering what could have been. Living in the past no longer when the future holds something worth thinking about. The blue clad ninja squeezes him tightly, fingers caressing down the side and takes a large handful of a ripe love handle. The tattooed man in his arms holds on to one of his powerful biceps and rests his head underneath his chin. A position they have not had in many years. Calm, comfortable silence befalls them until a faint rumble disturbs the quiet. A dark eyebrow raises up and blue eyes cast down at the tint of red against alabaster cheeks.

“Hungry?” The sound returns to answer for the question. The albino in his arms grumbles as he tries to hide his face from the spirit eyes.

“I’ll take that as a yes then. I suppose I’ll have to remember to bring something for you to eat next time I visit.” A half hearted smack to his arm causes him to laugh faintly.

“As if I need more food.” Zed complains. His belly betraying his declaration with an audible rumble. A kiss makes its way onto his head.

“Well it isn’t like you are going anywhere and whats the harm of having something a little special when I visit?” Dark red eyes look up at him slightly narrowed in suspicion.

“If I didn’t know better I would be assuming you like me like this?” He emphasizes “this” by grabbing a hand full of his plush middle. A war worn callous hand grabs the pale pudgy one and runs a thumb across it.

“Usan, I will like you no matter your form. I will admit your new softness is pleasant but it’s you I adore more then anything.” The ever obvious blush that casts upon Zed’s face brings Shen a deep joy. Those dark ruby eyes cast down a bit as their owner musters up his voice.

“You are just flattering me.” The voice says softly. A finger and thumb come up to take the fat under Zed’s chin and lift his head up to meet loving blue eyes.

“We both know that I am not lying to you. I love you as much as you love me my Heartlight. No amount of weight will change that.” The kiss that comes after is filled with love that makes the once cold shadow master’s heart flutter like when he was young. Parting leaves them wanting a bit more and dip back in for a quick peck before they gain tender smiles on their faces.

“I know you do not lie. That has always been something I have done but not you. You’ve always been so blunt and to the point.” This brings a chortle out of Shen.

“I have no reason to lie and don’t always care for small talk when there is a matter at hand. Like what I should bring you. “ He says a bit cheekily. The large hand returns to its new favorite place upon the large engorged stomach and gives it a playful pinch. An equally playful swat comes down on the cheeky hand. The rarest of broad smiles appears upon the normally stoic face of the Eye of Twilight.

“Ass.” Is the only response he gets from the slightly pouty albino. The ginger decides in that moment would be a good moment to play dumb and reaches further back to pinch at the large behind of the Master of Shadows which prompts a quicker, slightly harder swat. Shen pretends to be confused and looks at him innocently.

“What? You said ass? I assumed that is where you wanted me to touch you?” Those deep red eyes narrow and a plump hand comes forth to squeeze at one of the blue coated large pecs. This in turn makes the cheeky ninja take in a sharp breath. A smirk is plastered on Zed’s face as it was now Shen’s turn to be dusted with red across his face.

“Hm? Is something wrong?” Oh so two can play at the pretending to be dumb game. Light blue eyes take their turn to narrow and the hand holding the wide doughy behind squeeze firmly making Zed gasp slightly. A tan face is quick to use the small distraction and worm its way to the side of Zed’s neck and bury itself. An assault of light kisses there follows and he can feel the blubbery body under him trembling and wobbling from the need to laugh and squirm. Stubborn, still is the shadow master and trying so desperately to maintain his composer in a losing battle. It’s not long before he’s laughing sparaticly and trying to wiggle out of the very strong grasp. Damn Shen and his ridiculous strength! The onslaught continues and the albino is helpless until Shen feels some mercy to let Zed breath. A pleased smile clear on his face.

“I hate you.” Is the response he gives to the man next to him. There is no malice in his voice at all as he says this and the spirit seer knows this.

“I love you too Zed.” That statement is punctuated with a kiss and a huff from the white haired man. He was grumpy it seems.

“My poor Heartlight. Did that upset you? Would you feel a little better if I bring you those dumplings I know you like the next time I visit?” The sudden stillness from Zed tells Shen all he needs to know. He still remembers fondly the times they would go and get them together and even the times Zed had snuck off to get some by himself. They were delicious and he could not blame his love for liking them so much.

“I’ll take that as a yes and perhaps I should bring you some larger clothing as well? Im sure these garbs won’t last much longer and I would hate for you to be so uncomfortable. Maybe even a couple sizes bigger so you have a little room to grow into.” A much deeper red spreads across those chubby white cheeks. Shen tugs curiously on the hem of Zed’s pants. There was not much give there and the stitching down towards those thick thighs were becoming quite strained. The larger body clearly needed room to breath, and grow. The blushing man was oddly quiet which in Shen’s experience means that he is right in his assumption.

“You think I will get bigger?” An uncertain voice says. Blue eyes soften at the question. He muscular man sighs and caresses a warm cheek.

“I do not know but I will love you none the less. I am serious though. I would like to make sure you are comfortable.” The slightly concerned expression turns into questioning.

“I am in prison. I am not supposed to be comfortable” Ah, there he goes starting to push away his love slightly again. Shen will not let him do that again this time non again. A warm soft hand is placed upon his firm jaw draws his attention.

“I know that face. It seems you are determined to make me as comfortable as possible and I can not do much about it can I?” A low chuckle comes out from the blue ninja.

“No, you can’t do anything about it. I will love you and let it be known to you in any way I can.” He says confidently. A pleasant smile grows on Zeds’s face.

“I should have expected nothing less. I love you too My Heartlight.” The albino ends that sentence with a full hug, unifying them once more. They sigh in blissful comfort and time seem to stand still. The world feels so distant from this moment and neither of them wish to return to reality. Unfortunately time does pass and eventually Shen’s visit must come to an end. When the Eye of Twilight shifts to get up Zed knows his blissful time with him is tragically over. Fully sitting up he watches his love stand and stretch before offering him a hand to get up himself.

“Guide me to the door?” A dry short laugh leaves Zed. The door was only a couple steps behind Shen but it would be rude not to see him out. He takes the offered hand and heaves himself up to his feet. All that fat he is carrying drops down and bounces a bit. Standing up he follows the same route that Shen did and stretches a bit leaving his belly open for a couple hands to cup the bulging fat. His own hands meet the strong firm ones as he smiles up at the owner.

“I will miss you.” The master of shadows says honestly. He does not know how long his beloved will be gone but even now before he has even left his heart already aches for him to return. One of the hands moves up to stroke his cheek. A strong, hard abdomen pushes into his lush belly. Those eyes still full of affection he long since thought he would never see again. The lips he longs to kiss over and over part to speak.

“And I will miss you as well. So much. I will try to visit you as much as I can. Perhaps one day when you will be released we can try to have a normal life. As normal as we could have it.” A hopeful dream. Zed would normally crush those dreams as soon as they arise but this time there just seemed to be so much mirth and hope in this one that he just did not have the heart to break it. He would love to try and start life over with Shen once more. Fat or not he would have his love and that is all that mattered now to him. The order would survive with Kayn, it was not like he could do much in this state anyway. Why not try to be happy for once in his life?

“I would adore that, My Heartlight.” The taller man smiles warmly before leaning down to ensnare his plump love in a deep final kiss. Their arms wrapping tightly around one another as if they would never see each other again. Who knew how long it would be before they would see each other again. The kiss breaks with slight panting and immeasurable amounts of fondness. They are stalling for the inevitable departure, they know it, but it is hard to say goodbye after just fully reconnecting.

“Please…be safe.” Is the one request that comes from the shorter man. A hand squeezes his plump upper arm reassuringly.

“I will. For you. In turn I expect you to behave. If you seem like you’ve change it could make it easer to have you released from here.” A hand gestures to the surrounding cell. A short chortle leaves the prisoner.

“By the time I’m allowed to leave I am sure I will be as wide as the doorway.” Zed says sarcastically. Shen glances behind him to look at the aforementioned doorway. It was quite wide. At least double the width Zed was now. A small flash of thought fills the gingers mind for a moment. The thought of Zed being that large made his insides unusually warm. He keeps his stoic face and doesn’t show a hint of what he was currently thinking about.

“As I said and will continue to say. That will not bother me in the slightest. As long as it is you, you may look however you wish. I will always love you.” The heartfelt sentiment is reciprocated with a quick kiss to the jaw from the shadow master.

“I know. I suppose this is where you leave?” Those burgundy eyes glint with a touch of sorrow. Shen breathes heavily with equal amounts of gloom.

“Unfortunately. I will send letters to you between my visits. If we cannot see each other frequently then we can at least write.”  The forlorn feeling in the room lessens slightly at that proclamation.

“I would like that. Very much. Goodbye My Heartlight.” Zed says softly.

“Goodbye, My Love.” Their departure is marked with the actual final embrace and deep passionate kiss. How they wish they did not wish to part but alas it can not be for now. They had waited years for each other with their dispute what is a few more with pleasant visits and and ever growing love.

[mental-health-advice]

Hi! Im 21 now, and ive come too finally start too put my mental health first and set boundries with when im feeling depressed, anxious etc. Since i didnt do that in my teens and i can see mo hownit affects me greatly; like how lost i was and how i would try too please everyone and sometimes act a certain way cause i thought it would make people like me or it was normal etc. And i have a few close friends, and i enjoy being with them and all that. But is it normal too finally realise that you now enjoy being alone more ? Also that you arent as close as you used too be as teens and maybe growing and changing also effects that but youre still friends? (I hope that makes sense). I’m trying too be more open with them with how i used too feel in the past and now about my mental health and how i felt/feel, so they can understand me better. And im still anxious too talk too them about my feelings and also lettinf them know how i want too forget some of my past because the reminders cause me too get triggered and have obssessive ruminating thoughts that are negative and make me think i am a bad person. And this includes asking them if i can delete photos/videos of myself from back then off their phones because i dont feel comfortable with them and how thinking about it is making me anxious, do you have any advice for how too do that?. Also i know that back then in my early/middle teens when like one or two people hurt me it did cause me too be a bit bitter and also effect my mh so sometimes i would then be bitter towards them after (which now i feel awful and guilty for) and take out those insecurities that were hit. — i know people say past mistakes, especially in your teens dont define who you are now and that you can forgive yourself, recognise them and how they were regretful or wrong and move on but i cant seem too stop obssesive over negative ruminating thoughts that im a bad person etc. And im beating myself up so much about it. And i think im making it seem worse then it is cause im now stuck in this depressive anxiety mode from it all, and im really trying too calm myself down and distract mysef. But its like i cant rememeber how i used too think before all this anxiety and stuff, and i cant ground myself or distract myself. And i think its probably because i havent talked too my friends or my sister either (who i love and feel comfortable with ) yet and got it off my chest. And i know i have too wait until they are free too meet up and all this but the longer it is the worse all my anxiety gets :( and i just want too control it and feel normal before i finally get too see and talk too them, Im trying too be gentle with myself but its hard. Sorry if this is long! I have a lot more anxieties and stuff i have too get off my chest and will probably put it in another ask. It feels lighter already too write this out and i am looking forward too all your advice and words😊 thank you for this blog and helping people!

Hey there,

Choosing to set boundaries with friends, with anyone really, is a really big step. Sometimes it can take people their whole life to realise how important making and having boundaries in place with people can be!

As we grow older and leave school, it is to be expected that we will move on from some friends, make new ones, and sometimes even grow further apart or closer to those people we grew up with. This all depends on our lives and interests and how things change for us, the directions we take in life and how they may differ from those we grew up with from our childhood or throughout our schooling. It is also normal that as we grow up we may prefer to be alone more than what we once were and this is completely normal and you are definitely not alone with this!

It can be so hard to learn to let others in no matter how much we want to and especially when sharing something with them that is so personal like our mental health struggles and how we are feeling or have felt in the past. I totally get that somethings that you went through in your past, you just want to forget, I think we all have some of those moments and I know it will be hard but can you just be honest as much as you feel comfortable with your friends? Maybe just by telling them that some of the past photos and videos of you that have been taken, that you are no longer comfortable with them and if they could please delete them. A good friend will listen to you and will not ask questions or make you give them an explanation as to why. A good friend will just be there for you and listen to you when/ if you want to talk and I think that if you do this then it will define just who your good friends are and who isn’t. Unfortunately you cannot make someone delete anything off of their phones but it’s completely OK and in your right to ask them too. Does that make sense?

When we have things that have happened in our past, whether they be good or bad, inflicted upon us by another person or not, it can be difficult to move on from those experiences and be OK with them. Yes you are right in saying that your past doesn’t define you, but you can use your past experiences to help you make better decisions for you in the present moment and your future and so maybe you could look at things from a different perspective? For example, use past mistakes to help you learn from them and not make the same mistakes again, grow from those mistakes to help make you a stronger and better person because of it. Does that make sense? Yes the ruminating thoughts may still be there, but if you try to look at things a little bit differently and use these ruminating thoughts to your advantage then maybe just maybe they won’t bother you as much or take up as much time in your head? Just something to think about!

I do not think that you are being a terrible person at all, I just think that you have been through a lot in your life and that now it’s all just getting to be a little too much and overwhelming as you are finding. I think this because you use to find it easier to distract yourself, calm your thoughts and to use grounding techniques. So maybe it’s time to go back to basics and go from there? Doing this doesn’t mean that you are weak or a failure, it simply just means that you have a lot going on right now and sometimes we all need some extra help and guidance to help us to get back to where we want to be in life.

When it comes to calming yourself down a good first step is to try to control your breathing and slow it down. We actually have a page on calming anxiety and panic which I encourage you to take a look at as it has a lot of helpful hints and different techniques on it. We also have a page on different grounding techniques which you can check out by clicking here. When you are in a better headspace then you will find that using different distractions will become a little bit easier, we just need to get you to that calm, better head space which I am hoping those above pages will help you to do.

It can be hard to do the above though when you have anxieties or stressors over not being able to see or catch up with friends or your sister. I can imagine that this may be made even hard with the pandemic. Can you call them though or shoot them a txt message? I know it isn’t the same as seeing them face-to-face but it may just be enough to help decrease some of your anxiety. What do you think? Also it’s important to know that when you do see them finally, just be yourself. They won’t care if you are anxious or are not doing the best, they will accept you for simply who you are and will be wanting to support you and be there for you because they care.

I really hope that all of this has helped a bit and please do send us in another Ask if you need to and of course let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going OK!

Take care,

Lauren

[ooops-i-arted]

Ok. How about a fic where The Mandalorian takes The Child to Luke Skywalker at the Jedi Praxeum on Yavin 4?

Alrighty here’s what I came up with.

Notes: 1. Kept timelines/characters present at the Praxeum vague because I do what I want. 2. Din got the baby into speech therapy for his language delay and he talks now.

-

The Razor Crest dropped out of hyperspace and the looming orange gas giant of Yavin immediately filled the viewscreen.  “Here we are,” said Din to the little green child in his lap.  “Yavin.”

“Abbin,” repeated the child.

“Yes, Yavin.  And we’re headed to Yavin IV.  To the Jedi… Praxeum.”  Din had never heard the word before, though the context he’d picked up from his call with Skywalker indicated it was a school of some sort.

“Pak-sum,” said the kid.

Din angled the Razor Crest towards the tiny green moon.  He’d barely heard of it, though Cara had told him all about how it was the site of the vital Battle of Yavin, where the Death Star had been destroyed by Skywalker himself.  Later, Skywalker had decided to establish his school there.  Cara didn’t know much about that, but she had been able to tell him a school for potential Jetii did exist and where to attempt contact.  Skywalker himself had answered the holo and eagerly invited him and the kid to come visit.

“Abbin!” said the kid, pointing out the viewfinder.  He tried to climb up the dashboard, but Din pulled him back into his lap.  He might be nervous about visiting the school, and Din didn’t want him to be nervous, and holding the kid always calmed him down.

The Praxeum sent him landing coordinates and he guided the ship down.  The kid squealed excitedly as they descended through the lush greenery.  “Bwee, bwee, gween!”

“Buir,” corrected Din automatically.  “And yes, it’s all green.”

“I wan fwog.”

“We can look for frogs later.”  Din had already checked the Holonet and the amphibian species on this planet were not poisonous.  “First we’re meeting Skywalker.”

The ship settled onto the ground on a duracrete pad that had been set up in a cleared area of the jungle.  Din could see the huge pyramid of the Praxeum nearby.  He was so busy looking he barely noticed that his kid had run ahead and was already sliding down the ladder and heading for the door.

“Hey!”  Din ran after in time to see the kid already raising his hand to try and move the door with the Force.  He scooped him up before he could succeed; disrupting his concentration was about the only strategy Din had left when the kid got stubborn.  “Bwee,” whined the kid.

“Hey, listen.”  Din held him so that he could see his kid’s face.  “Listen, there’s no reason to be nervous.  We’re just here to look.  If you don’t like it, just say so, and we’ll leave, okay?”

The kid scowled.  “Bwee, Abbin,” he said, pointing insistently at the door.

“Okay, okay.”  Din reached for the control panel and opened the door.

The humidity and smell of the Yavin jungle immediately hit them full force.  The kid squealed, kicking his feet, demanding, “Bwee, down!  Wan down!”

“Not yet,” said Din.  After all, the kid might still be nervous.  No need to let go of him yet.

As soon as Din stepped off the ship he saw Skywalker walking towards him, dressed in long Jedi robes; a woman with red-gold hair and the confident stance of a trained killer accompanied him.  Din tensed.  A bodyguard?

Skywalker was all smiles as he walked towards them.  “Hello!” he called.  “Did you find it all right?”

“Yes,” said Din.

“Then welcome,” said Skywalker, still beaming.  “Both of you, welcome.  We’re glad you’re here.”  He gestured to the woman.  “This is my wife, Mara.”

Mara smiled, but she was definitely getting the measure of him in case he tried anything, and Din didn’t need to know her past to know she was someone who would be a difficult opponent.

They were interrupted by a lot of shouting, and suddenly a gaggle of teens was pointing and running up to them.  “They’re here!  They’re here!” they shouted, and Din found himself and the kid surrounded by a quartet of humans and a Wookiee.

“Hi, hi,” said the kid, giggling, and the five eagerly greeted him.  Three of the humans appeared to be siblings, sharing similar features and brown hair; the other was a redhead with one arm cut off above the elbow.

“Some of my students,” said Luke, gesturing to each of them in turn.  “Jacen, Jaina, and Anakin are my sister’s children.  This is Tenel Ka, and this is Lowbacca.”

“Hello,” said the kid, demanding attention again and waving at the visitors.

“We can show him around, Uncle Luke,” said Jacen eagerly.  “Can we?”

“Bwee, I go,” pleaded the kid, but Din wasn’t convinced.  Not in new territory with people he didn’t know like this.  He didn’t want the kid to get worried over a separation.  “He stays with me.”

“They’ve just arrived.  Give them some space,” said Mara.  “Go continue your drills.  I’ll be testing you personally later.”

The students chorused agreement and ran off.  Mara watched them go.  “I’ll keep an eye on the students, keep them out of your hair.”  She leaned over and kissed Skywalker on the cheek.  “Don’t be too long, farmboy.”  She gave Din another measuring look that he didn’t respond to.  He knew a warning when he saw one.

“Mara is very protective of the students here,” said Skywalker.  “This place is very quiet, though.  We have good communications of course, and defenses, but we’re out of the way and isolated enough it’s a good place for young Force-users to train.”  He looked at the child.  “What sort of things do you do, little one?”

The big ears drooped.  “I bweak it.”

Skywalker’s brow furrowed.  “You… broke something?”

“Bwee say no bweak.”  The kid squirmed in Din’s arms.  “I bweaked it.”

“We were in a firefight.  He tried to knock the other ship out of the sky.  He almost breached the hull of my ship.”  Din didn’t like to linger on the memory.  Life as a Mandalorian was full of dangers, but nearly being sucked out into the vacuum of space because his own kid decided to use sorcery on a TIE fighter had been the moment he finally had to stop denying that the kid needed a teacher, a real teacher.  “He needs to learn to control it.  That magic he does, he doesn’t know how to really use it.  It’s just guesswork.  And I…”  Din swallowed, but forced the words out.  “I can’t teach it to him.”

Skywalker smiled.  “He sounds very strong in the Force.”  He must have sensed Din’s confusion the same way the kid could always pick up on what he was feeling, because he added, “The magic, as you called it.  It’s called the Force.”  He shrugged apologetically.  “I tried to look up the word in Mando’a, but I don’t think there is one.”

“I looked up the Jetii too,” said Din.  “I read plenty about you.”  His arms tightened around his child.  “I came to see what you’re about and what you can do.  But this is my son.  I’m not giving him up, I’m not going to let you take him, and if you try -”

Skywalker held up a hand.  “I understand,” he said seriously.  “I am not going to take your child from you.”  He sighed, folding his hands in front of him, and looked out into the jungle.  “You’re not the first I’ve talked to about this,” he said quietly.  “When the Emperor destroyed the Jedi, he did so from every angle.  There had always been rumors of taken children, but with Imperial propaganda, they transformed almost into common knowledge.  I can’t be sure that it never happened, but from what records I recovered, the Jedi only took children whose parents were willing.”  He looked back at Din, his gaze steady.  “I do not take children at this school without their parents’ consent, and theirs.”

The silence between them only lasted until the kid said, “Bwee, I down.”

Skywalker gave a rueful smile as he watched the squirming child.  “Truthfully, I’m not sure how much I can help you, Mandalorian,” he said.  “I’ve never had a student this young.”

“He can do so much already,” said Din.  “He needs to know how to control it, so he doesn’t hurt himself, or anyone else.”

Skywalker nodded.  “Learning to listen to the Force is always the start.  From there, control will come.  First not using it unwillingly, and then being able to let it flow through you.”

Din blinked, but admitted, “That makes no sense to me.  But maybe you can explain it to him.”

“That’s the purpose of this Praxeum.  To learn about the Force.”  Skywalker reached out for the child, playing with the tiny fingers that grasped at his hand.  “Like I said, I’ve never taught someone this young.  But I’m certain we could work on some sort of arrangement.  You’re welcome to stay here with him while he has lessons, or bring him here periodically, or let him stay for some time while you continue with your, uh, line of work.”  Skywalker patted the child’s head.  “Whatever you feel would be best for him.”

“I’m… not sure yet,” said Din.

“That’s understandable,” said Skywalker.  He gestured to the large stone pyramid ahead.  “Can I show you around?”

“Bwee, I go,” said the kid, kicking and trying to get out of Din’s arms again.

“Sure, let’s go,” said Din, and he set the kid down and followed Skywalker onto the Praxeum grounds.

[sandershospitalau]

Lockdown (Part 2)

Part 1 Archive Of Our Own

I got language help! Thanks to @fanderpau for helping me perfect the Spanish used in this story, for beta reading, and for general feedback!

Tags- Medical stuff, Vomiting, Driving, Quarantine, Arguing.

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One hour after quarantine

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The temperature in the protective suit Logan wore made sweat collect around his glasses, but it was a small price to pay to live. What had once been one of the private examination rooms with bright white lighting and lots of space for equipment and personnel was now an isolation chamber. Plastic clung to the doors in long strips. The makeshift decontamination chamber one of the nurses whipped up (whoever said nurses weren't as smart as doctors, they were blind to reality) consumed the outer side of the door. Staff had to cross through the chamber, stuffed with biohazard suits and water sprayers, just to get to the other side of the hall. The bright white lights were swapped for dull yellow. Rodrigues' bed was pushed into the corner of the room, body covered with a sheet. Another wall of plastic separated Rodrigues from Ms. Lakin, who sat in her own bed. She'd traded her street clothes for a hospital gown that seemed too big on her thin frame. A rolling table sat in front of her with a few pill bottles and vials of cream.

"I know your rash itches," Logan said, his thick gloves grabbing one of the vials. "But when it does, use this cream instead. Don't scratch it, whatever you do. You'll be able to take another of these oral antihistamines in six hours or so."

"Alright," Ms. Lakin stammered, taking the vial from Logan. "Are you sure I have this Peanut's disease? My aunt gets these chronic rash flareups once a month, maybe it's just that?"

"That's why we took your blood, Ms. Lakin," Logan sighed. "And it's called Pinto's, not Peanut's."

"I'm sorry," Ms. Lakin stammered, wringing her hands. "I get easily stressed, and I ramble when I'm stressed. At least, that's what my therapist back in Chicago says, but my uncle- not the one who had a heart attack, his husband- he says that's just my personality. It can get annoying, he says."

"Whatever way you find best relaxes you, you may do. As long as you don't itch your rash. Now, you've been given a call button that will alert someone if you need anything. The monitors we have attached you to will beep should your heart rate and blood pressure spike.”

”That’s a part of the disease, right?”

”That is correct. Do you require anything else?”

“Can I ask you something?”

”There’s nothing stopping you.”

”I...” Ms. Lakin glanced at Rodrigues’ body. “I know you’ve seen plenty of people like me asking you a lot of questions like these, but... am I going to be ok? Am I going to suffer?” Logan paused a moment before answering. Promises were a doctor’s curse. There were no promises to make in medicine. Patton would have immediately reassured the woman, but Logan was not his husband.

”We will do our best to prevent that,” Logan answered. He gave Ms. Lakin a nod and stomped out of the isolation room, thick boots sticking to the floor. He stepped out of the dull yellow light and back into the white lights of the ED. More suits hung on a makeshift coat hanger, really a broken IV pole that held more weight than it should. Next to the pole was a large yellow bucket, a janitor's bucket used to store mops. For Logan, it was his drain. He pulled the bucket out and stepped into it, big boots smashed against the side. He grabbed the nozzle of one of the water sprayers (for once, not makeshift- gifts from the CDC) and started spraying his suit. He couldn't afford a piece of dust from Ms. Lakin's rashes to cling to his suit and spread onto whoever crossed into the chamber next. The sweat on Logan's glasses faded away. The water pooled around his boots.

He turned off the sprayer and set it back with its partners. He stepped out of the bucket, water dripping onto the floor. One step at a time, he took off his suit. First the boots, then the gloves, and finally the suit itself. He put each piece back next to the makeshift coat hanger and stepped out of the chamber, the bucket of contaminated water in his hands.

Most of the staff stuck in the ED were busy in one of the bays, comforting nervous patients or checking on someone's condition who should have been transferred to another department half an hour ago. Others clung to the island of desks, scrolling through their computers and typing things down. Roman sat in a bay with two little kids and their parent. He spoke Spanish faster than Logan could understand the words. Nate leaned against the door to another observation room, where the Yakimovs and McCallums were still being kept for their disturbance earlier. Logan trudged across the ED and dumped the water in the nearest sink. He went back to the decontamination chamber and dropped off the bucket.

"Logan," someone called. Patton padded around the desks, gray cardigan flopping behind him like a cape. "How's Ms. Lakin?"

"Her rash has not progressed any farther," Logan stated. "I've given her some anti-itch cream."

"I'm afraid I don't have any good news," Patton sighed, motioning a hand at nothing. "The blood work just came back. It's Pinto's."

"That's not a surprise," Logan huffed, fixing the collar of his coat. "As I said, the symptoms described by Ms. Lakin of Mr. Rodrigues's behavior prior to crashing combined with the rash were cause for suspicion." After all, when was Logan wrong about something? "Is the CDC processing the cure?"

"Yeah, that's gonna be a problem," Joan suddenly appeared between Patton and Logan. Patton yelped, shoulders flying up like a frightened cat.

"Higgledy-piggledy, Joan!" Patton gasped, hand to his heart. "You scared me!"

"Sorry, Patton," Joan sighed. "But I just got done FaceTiming Thomas. It'll take a day and a half for the cure to be driven in from Phoenix."

"Dr. Stokes, I don't know if Ms. Lakin has that long to wait," Logan huffed. "Pinto's is a fast-acting disease. With the added variables of traffic and weather, the cure may not arrive at Sanders in time to help her."

"Can we make her comfortable, though?" Patton asked, voice drowning in pity. "Can we do anything to get the cure here faster?"

"Thomas is working on it," Joan sighed. "He's sending someone out for some medication to buy us time. Our job, for now, is to make sure more people don't get sick and treat those still in here."

"We need to let our patients know," Patton said, glancing around the ED. "They deserve answers." He didn't wait for a response- he hurried across the ED towards Roman and the family he chatted with. Patton tapped Roman's shoulder and jabbed a thumb towards Logan and Joan. Roman said something to the two kids and bowed, forearm against his chest. The two giggled and one gave Roman a curtsy while the other copied his bow. Patton took Roman's arm and pulled him towards Logan and Joan.

"We've got news?" Roman asked. Joan filled him in on the blood work results and the cure.

"You're our people person," Patton chuckled, giving Roman's forearm a gentle squeeze. "Could you explain things to everyone else?"

"And let's not give Nate any more work," Joan muttered. Roman hummed, glancing around the ED. Then he squared his jaw.

"I've got this," Roman declared. He spun around and marched into the center of the room. He waved his arms over his head. "Can I have everyone's attention, please?" The patients looked up from their phones. Visitors stood up and moved away from the bedsides of their loved ones, gathering around Roman. The doctors and nurses stood at attention. All eyes were on Roman. The director of public services cleared his throat.

"Can someone translate this into Spanish while I speak?" Roman announced, voice booming in the quiet ED. A Latina nurse stepped beside Roman. As he spoke, she spoke Spanish. "I know you've all been demanding answers for what's happening. Now, we finally have some. An hour ago, two patients came in from a car crash, one of them dying upon arrival. Both of these patients have a disease called Pinto's. This disease is airborne, so to protect the rest of the hospital, Dr. Logan Berry declared a quarantine on the Emergency Department." Voices spiked around the crowd, but Roman continued on. "The first two patients are the only ones who have the disease so far. The doctors ask everyone to keep an eye on their arms, shoulders, and chests. If you see a rash begin to form, flag someone down. It should only take a few hours before we know if anyone else is infected. Until quarantine is lifted, you'll all be well taken care of."

Demands rippled through the room. Nate pushed himself away from the door he guarded and eyed the crowd. The nurses spread through the ED, whispering calm words. They ushered visitors back to their loved ones. Doctors scurried like ants to their patients to give further detail. Logan moved next to Roman and gave him a nod of approval. The director of public services grinned.

"Logan, do you want me to help out with any patients?" Patton asked, walking in front of Logan and Roman.

"If someone requires assistance, feel free to aid them," Logan answered, fixing his glasses. Someone moved in the corner of his eye. The parent Roman had been speaking to earlier walked towards Roman. They had long black hair that puffed around their shoulders and wore a hospital gown.

"Señor Prince, mi niños están asustados," the parent sighed, looking down at Roman. Despite being younger than Roman (Logan assumed somewhere around twenty one), they towered over Roman. "No logro calmarlos. ¿Podrías hablar con ellos? Que te adoran.” Roman smiled. His chest puffed out a little like a paradise bird.

"Por supuesto, Señora Ceballos," Roman said. The mother smiled and walked back to her two children.

"Who was that, Roman?" Patton asked.

"The Ceballos family," Roman explained. "Señora Ceballos was here thanks to some bad food truck chicken. She and her kids don't speak a lick of English. They’re puertoriqueños, from Puerto Rico. Her kids, Augustin and Jordana, are a little freaked out."

"Aw, poor things!" Patton whined, hand to his heart. Patton, being Patton, padded towards the Ceballos family in Bay 9. Roman hurried after him. Logan's eyes followed them, but halted at Bay 10. Milena Yakimov watched the ED with clear eyes, unburdened by the haze of her accident. Her bob cut hair was a rat's nest against her bed. Logan would need to talk to her.

When Roman and Patton approached the Ceballos, the two children, Augustin and Jordana, sat on the floor. They faced one another, whispering. The one facing out glanced up and saw Roman.

”¡Jordana, El Príncipe!” The child, who must have been Augustin, gasped. Jordana scrambled up and stared into Roman’s eyes.

“That is such a cute name!” Patton giggled. “Too bad I don’t know what that means.”

”¡Hola, Senorita Jordana!” Roman declared, bowing. Jordana gave him her best curtsy. “¡Tu y Augustin están siendo muy valientes!"

"¿Valientes?" Jordana scoffed. "Augustin casi lloró."

"¡Mentira!" Augustin huffed, standing up.

"Está bien, está bien," Roman chuckled. "El miedo es bueno."

"¿Pero... no es peligroso el Pinto?" Augustin asked. He tugged on the edge of his Disney World t-shirt, fingers digging into the seams. "¿Mamá está en peligro? ¿Jordana está en peligro? ¿Yo estoy en peligro? El estómago de Mamá está mal, ¡ella se enfermará!"

"Respira, Augustin," Roman muttered, crouching to the boy's level. "Respira. Los medicos ayudarán a tu madre." Roman rubbed his chin and hummed to himself. "Te gusta Disney?" Augustin looked at his shirt, like he just realized what the logo was. He nodded. Roman turned to Patton and grinned.

"Patton, I need a tray, some water, and a few things from the vending machines," Roman declared, dramatically pointing at Patton. "Candy, chips, whatever!" Patton smiled and saluted Roman like a soldier. Roman looked back to Augustin and Jordana and said "Un momento, por favor." Roman and Patton scurried off, leaving Augustin and Jordana sharing confused glances. Logan ignored the antics of his friend and husband and moved into Bay 10.

"Hello there, Ms. Yakimov," Logan said. Milena squirmed in her bed, eyes burrowing into Logan. "My name is Dr. Berry. Do you remember arriving here?"

"Uh..." Milena groaned, blinking slowly. "I think so. The car... Jessie?"

"Ms. McCallum is recovering as well," Logan sighed. "What else do you remember?" Logan grabbed a small flashlight from the various pieces of equipment in the bay. "Follow the light, please." Logan shined the light into Milena's eyes. She winced, squinting into the flashlight.

"My parents came here with me," Milena groaned. She sighed and lifted a shaking hand to gently facepalm herself. "Did Mom punch someone?"

"Your parents got into a brief altercation with the parents of Ms. McCallum," Logan sighed, putting down the flashlight. "I believe you have a concussion. However, under quarantine, we won't be able to confirm that with a CT scan."

"I think I remember the quarantine thing," Milena muttered. "I heard the dude's speech. I'm sorry about my parents. They've been fighting with the McCallums since we moved to Miami. Classic white suburban families. It's like The Burbs, but with less murder and more mowing privileges."

"Mowing privileges..." Logan muttered, squinting his eyes as he dove into his mind, trying to understand what mowing privileges were. He sighed and did a quick mental reset. "In the crash, you gained a fracture on your left tibia and a stable fracture on the right side of your pelvis. Some of the muscles in your back were torn as well. We've set your leg, and in regards to your back and pelvis, you'll simply require bed rest to allow your body to heal."

"How much trouble did my parents get into this time?" Milena asked. The hand by her face traced down her body, towards her broken leg.

"This time?" Logan asked, cocking an eyebrow. "This is not the first incident of physical violence your parents have shone?"

"Most of the time, it's passive-aggressive nonsense," Milena muttered. "Don't misunderstand what I'm saying, they're good parents, they just hate the McCallums. One day it's a few snide comments about Mr. McCallum's garden, another day they'll offer Jessie something like they don't think her parents can provide it. The McCallums act the same. That's, that's why I was in Jessie's truck, you see. My car was stuck in my faulty garage, and I needed to get to my tennis match. Me and Jessie are on the same team, so the McCallums suggested Jessie drive me there. Dad's face was tomato red, it was..." Milena chuckled, rolling her eyes. "Actually a little funny that time. But yeah, sometimes everything boils up and things get a bit out of control. Let's just say Mrs. McCallum's banned from attending Speech and Debate meetings."

"Fascinating," Logan mumbled. The soft breeze of someone racing past whisked up the tail of Logan's coat. Roman carried a metal tray under his arm. He set it down on the desks. Patton held something in his arms, covered by his cardigan. He dumped whatever he held onto the tray. As the two whispered, Augustin padded out of Bay 9, watching. He leaned back and grabbed Jordana's hand, pulling her out. Roman spun around and clapped his hands. The two children jumped slightly, eyes glancing around him to see what he had.

"Ma chère mademoiselle," Roman declared, waving a hand over his head flamboyantly. "Con gran orgullo para todos y un enorme placer te damos la bienvenida. Y ahora te invitamos a relajarte, a ponerte cómoda en tu silla, pues el comedor se representar..." Even though Logan didn't understand what Roman said, he had a vague idea what he was going to do. But did he have to do it in his ED? Roman turned back around and whispered to Patton "Follow my lead." Roman turned back around. He balanced the metal tray on one hand. A small stack of candy bars, a bag of chips, and a package of donuts sat on the tray.

"Nuestro..." Roman sang softly, crouching down to Jordana and Augustin's levels. "Huésped, sea usted, venga el servicio a probar. Una servilleta así, chérie, y yo hago lo demás." Augustin's face lit up, a giant smile spreading on his face. Señora Cebolla, who sat on the bed in Bay 9, leaned forward and watched Roman, smiling softly. Augustin tugged on his sister's sleeve like she wasn't equally fascinated by Roman's childishness.

"Soup du jour, buen hors d'oeuvres, nuestra vida es atender," Roman sang. He took the bag of chips and ripped them open with dramatic flair. He handed the bag to Jordana. "Pruebe usted que maravilla. ¿No me cree? ¡Pregunte a la vajilla!" Roman waved a hand towards Patton. Patton smiled and waved his arms around like a cartoon character running in place. Jordana laughed, taking a handful of chips. "A cantar, a bailar, está es Francia, no olvidar, ¡la comida aquí es primero ya se ve!" Roman set the tray at the children's feet. He took Jordana's hand and let her spin around. "Consulte su menú, escoja su ambigú, y pida usted nuestro huésped sea usted."

"We are in here for an hour and he's already begun singing Disney songs," Logan muttered, glancing at Milena, who looked equally as confused as he was. "I would have thought madness would need more time to take hold."

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"I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!" Emile sang along to his playlist flowing out of the van speakers. He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. For a man driving to save his friends, he was surprisingly relaxed. He'd changed into a Steven Universe t-shirt before he and Virgil had hopped into the van. Not wanting to wear scrubs in a strange van for ten hours, Virgil copied Emile. He'd grabbed his homemade black hoodie with the stitched on plaid purple patches from his mom's favorite shirt and an old Panic! At the Disco shirt. He still wore his Crocs, though. The theme song ended, and for a moment Virgil's ears were spared. Then a Phineas and Ferb song started playing. Worse yet, it was a rap about squirrels. Virgil bit back a groan when Emile started rapping along. Any other day Virgil would have tolerated it, maybe even enjoyed the music. Today was not that day.

The off-tan interior of the white hospital van smelled like disinfectant. The rough seat carpet belonged in the 1970's. A similarly carpeted wall blocked Virgil and Emile from the back of the van. Virgil had glanced back there before they took off- it was a mini observation room, with counters attached to the walls and a hanging light above a bed screwed into the floor. Everything was at least a few years old and in need of an update, but it served its purpose for now- get Virgil and Emile to Atlanta and get the stupid medication. A cheesy Hawaiian bobblehead sat on the car mantel, dancing along to the Phineas and Ferb song. Virgil leaned against the shotgun door and pressed his head against the warm glass.

The slow traffic in the lane to the right of Emile and Virgil blocked Virgil's view of the flooded land beside the highway. Storm clouds blocked the arrival of dusk, rain sprinkling onto the road. License plates from all across the southern U.S joined the van on its journey. The rumble of the road underneath flowed through Virgil. The van's tall shadow danced over trucks and sedans and Chevys.

"What does the GPS say for time, Virgil?" Emile asked, glancing at the nurse. Virgil grabbed Emile's phone, plugged into the speakers of the car through a strange mixture of wires and adaptors. Emile's phone cover was tan with the Bill Cipher wheel on the back. Virgil opened the phone and pulled up the GPS.

"We've still got nine hours to go," Virgil muttered. "And that's with good traffic." Virgil plopped the phone back down. He took out his own phone and started scrolling through Tumblr. It was probably a mistake to follow news threads on that site. A dozen different posts about the Sanders Hospital ED quarantine filled his screen. Questions, theories, reports, even a few memes flowed through his feed. Virgil frowned and stuffed his phone back into his hoodie. The squirrel rap ended, only to be replaced with a sci-fi sounding song Virgil didn't recognize. He chewed on his lip. Nine hours to worry about Patton, Roman, Logan, Joan, Nate, and everyone else stuck in the ED. He'd barely been able to focus over the hour it took for the blood tests to come back positive. It didn't help that what work he managed to complete was comforting nervous patients confused over the quarantine alarm.

"So if you see him you might be in for a big surprise," Emile sang softly, head bobbing to the beat. He suddenly stopped singing and let out a small gasp. Virgil straightened up, eyes darting to the road in front of them. Did Emile see something? Was there an accident? "I could dress up Ben as Ben 10 for Halloween! That would be adorable!" Virgil could almost see Emile's pupils turn star-shaped. Virgil sighed and settled back against the door, glaring at Emile.

"How are you so peppy right now?" Virgil muttered.

"Did you say something, Virgil?" Emile asked, not taking his eyes off the road. Virgil bit his lip again, but then let out a huff.

"How can you listen to cartoons at a time like this?" Virgil huffed, leaning against the back of his seat.

"I drive better with music," Emile admitted with a shrug. "Cartoons are kinda all I have on there."

"I mean, how are you not worried?" Virgil huffed. "You're singing along to Phineas and Ferb, thinking about costumes for the psych ward service dog, you're so relaxed. I don't get you, Doc. Our friends could die if we don't get to Atlanta in time. Pinto's is deadly. Those idiotic people in Phoenix refuse to put the cure on a plane. People are counting on us. If quarantine fails, we could have an epidemic on our hands! How are you calm?"

"Well," Emile sighed, slowing down enough to allow a minivan to slide into their lane. "There's nothing we can do about the quarantine except drive. It's gonna take a while to get there. Worrying all that way will only wear us out."

"There's so much that could go wrong if we mess up," Virgil muttered, one hand in his pocket digging into the semi-soft protective cover of his phone. "How am I supposed to not stress out?"

"Are you asking Emile your friend," Emile said. "Or Dr. Picani the therapist?"

"Whoever can answer my question," Virgil grumbled, glancing over the roof of the minivan in front of them. An old part of Virgil groaned inside of him. Are you really being vulnerable? That's not safe- people manipulate the vulnerable. He didn't teach you anything, did he? Virgil shoved those old thoughts down. Even after all his growth, those thoughts still occasionally popped up.

"Can you pause the music?" Emile asked. Virgil obeyed and reopened Emile's phone, pausing his music in the middle of yet another Phineas and Ferb song. "Do you remember that one episode of Ben 10-"

"Hold on," Virgil interrupted. "I've heard about the show but I never got around to watching it. It's the one with the watch that turns the kid into aliens, right?"

"Right!" Emile chirped. "Basically, Ben Tennyson is on a summer road trip with his Grandpa Max and cousin Gwen. He sneaks away one night and finds a mysterious green watch that attaches itself to his wrist. With the watch, Ben can turn into ten different aliens, though he gets more forms as the show goes on. He gets to live out the ten-year-olds classic dream of being a superhero. With Gwen and his grandpa helping him out, Ben fights alien and human threats and learns how to use his power wisely and selflessly. While Ben does his best to enjoy his summer and be a kid, there are a lot of people after him. His watch, the Omnitrix, is incredibly powerful, and could hurt a lot of people in the wrong hands. And considering it can't come off his arm..." Emile lifted a hand and karate chopped his other arm.

"Ouch," Virgil muttered.

"Yeah, ouch is an understatement," Emile chuckled. "Now throughout the show, Ben acts like the stereotypical ten-year-old boy- selfish, prideful, all of that. But one of his defining traits is his desire to help others and keep his family safe. Even when his selfishness gets him into trouble, that desire overrules everything and makes him a good hero. It also causes him a lot of stress. It's a lot for a ten-year-old to handle! Everything he does reflects onto Gwen and his grandpa. In one episode, Grandpa Max helps Ben dodge an attack, but gets hurt in the process."

"Was he ok?" Virgil asked.

"He has to go to the hospital," Emile admitted. "Ben feels like he's to blame for the danger his family is in and feels like he isn't doing enough to protect them. He stresses himself out enough that he tries to run away from Gwen and Grandpa Max so they wouldn't get involved in the danger he was in. As the series goes on, though, Ben becomes better at managing his stress and not letting himself overthink things. Sure there are aliens roaming over his head that want to chop his arm off, and that's a stressful thought, but Ben can't control that. He's stuck with the Omnitrix, like how everyone's stuck in the ED. All he can do is focus on the current bad guy he needs to fight and whoever he needs to save."

"So I'm Ben in this analogy?" Virgil asked.

"Yes!" Emile exclaimed. "It's not perfect by any means, but no analogy ever is. It's like I tell my patients, relating your experiences to a fictional character can help you better understand them. It gives you a place to analyze what's going on without personal attachment. The bad guy we're focusing on is the medication down in Atlanta. Since all we can control is getting there, I say enjoy the ride!" Emile leaned back and rolled down his window, letting the rain spitting down plop into the van. Virgil put both hands in his pockets and leaned against the door. It wasn't a shock to him that Emile was such a good therapist. Even if Virgil still wondered if a rash was appearing on Patton's arms, it didn't seem as urgent as before.

"Thanks, Doc," Virgil sighed as the wind rushed into the van.

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"There are a million things I could have done with my time," Joan muttered, staring at the door. "I could have done that oncology consult. I could have emailed back that old patient of mine who wanted me to come to his AA meeting. But no, I came down here to handle a PTA fight."

"Welcome to a day in the life of Nate Christopoulos," Nate snorted, leaning against the door hinges. "Holding back violent patients and more violent parents."

"How long've they been in there?" Roman asked. He stood next to Joan with crossed arms, just as thrilled as they were about the whole mess.

"A few hours by now, I think," Nate muttered. "But hey, that's what happens when you break someone's nose."

"They're oddly quiet," Roman muttered. "Like a toddler out of sight."

"Yeah, that's cause I told 'em if they picked another fight with each other I'd handcuff them to the furniture," Nate chuckled. "They've severely misjudged the number of handcuffs I have." Nate turned to the door and grabbed the doorknob. He glanced over his shoulder at Joan and Roman. "Good luck." Nate pulled the door open and Joan and Roman trudged inside.

This examination room was one of the smaller ones, but the Yakimovs and McCallums somehow made the room feel split in half. The McCallums stood beside the door, attention already on Roman and Joan. The couple could have easily claimed to be twins- they both had thick heads of curly ginger hair and slender builds. Even the laugh lines on their faces were similar. Mr. McCallum held an ice pack to his stomach. The Yakimovs stood beside the cupboards on the other side of the room, deep in conversation. Mr. Yakimov reminded Roman of a humanized Scar- matted black hair, sharp cheekbones, lean muscle. But where Mr. Yakimov was Scar, Mrs. Yakimov was Nala- sandy blonde hair that fell to her chest, youthful green eyes, and an Olympic volleyball player's build. Based on her arms alone, Roman wasn't surprised Mr. McCallum's stomach still hurt. The Yakimovs looked up when Joan shut the door.

"I really hope you all understand just how inappropriate you were," Joan huffed, crossing their arms.

"On behalf of my husband and I, I am very sorry for our behavior," Mrs. McCallum sighed. She walked up to Joan and Roman and shook both their hands. "You must be Dr. Stokes and..."

"Roman Prince," Roman said, giving a little bow. "And I believe Mr. Christopoulos is the one you should be apologizing to."

"Oh my, has his eye gotten any better?" Mrs. McCallum huffed, glancing at the door. "I was aiming for Mrs. Yakimov."

"You shouldn't have been aiming for anyone," Joan snapped. They looked around the room. "What were you thinking, fighting in our ED?"

"Things got a little heated today," Mr. Yakimov sighed. "Do either of you have children?" Joan and Roman shook their heads. "Then it may be difficult to imagine how angry you get when someone puts your child in danger."

"Jessie did not cause that accident," Mr. McCallum hissed.

"She was the one driving, wasn't she?" Mr. Yakimov huffed.

"Alright, crabby pants," Roman huffed. "You'll get to see your daughters when we clear these murky waters of war between you."

"How is Milena?" Mrs. Yakimov asked.

"She's doing alright," Joan sighed. "Listen, your fight broke the nose of one of our residents, Dr. Kylie Crown. She's thinking about pressing charges. Now she may reconsider if you all apologize to her and are willing to pay for any costs involved in fixing her nose."

"Of course," Mr. Yakimov sighed, rubbing his bruised knuckles. Mr. McCallum nodded solemnly. Roman padded around Joan and Mrs. McCallum and plopped down on the unoccupied bed in the center of the room.

"So Dr. Berry said that Milena said this has happened before," Roman huffed. "At this point, I don't think it's an issue we can ignore."

"That's just how it is between us," Mrs. Yakimov grunted. "We've never gotten along on anything."

"Well, your husband and Mr. McCallum just agreed to pay for Dr. Crown's nose," Roman pointed out, pointing at the two men. "That's something." The two men locked eyes.

"It's not as though we didn't wish things were better," Mrs. Yakimov huffed. "But from the day we arrived, the McCallums always found something to nit-pick us about. Parenting choices, garden decor, there's always something wrong with us. They even blame us for our garage breaking."

"We wouldn't even be in this situation if you took better care of your garage, Kate," Mrs. McCallum sighed. "And I'd thank you not to talk about us as though we aren't in the room."

"Don't forget who drove into the intersection, Marylin," Mrs. Yakimov snapped. "You offered Milena a spot in Jessie's car."

"I don't like what you're implying," Mrs. McCallum growled.

"What did we just say?" Roman huffed, waving his arms in the air. "No fighting!"

"Your relationships with one another should have never gotten bad enough to reach this point," Joan grunted. "How long have you known each other?"

"Kate and I have known the McCallums since Milena was seven," Mr. Yakimov explained.

"That's a decade of fighting between you," Joan huffed. "This can't be good for your daughters."

"We stay peaceful when they're around," Mrs. Yakimov stammered.

"Well that's clearly not true," Roman muttered. "Since you literally just punched each other in front of Milena and Jessie. What kid wants to see their parents like that?" For once, the couples didn't have an answer ready.

"Sanders has some group therapy sessions available," Joan sighed, rubbing the bridge of their nose. "It might be best for everyone if you attend a few sessions together." The McCallums glanced at the Yakimovs, both making eye contact for a few moments before looking away. "You all have tempers that get the better of you. No one wants that to reflect on Milena and Jessie.”

"We'd never do anything to hurt Jessie," Mr. McCallum grunted.

"Then prove it," Joan huffed. "Dr. Crown'll come in here soon to discuss potential charges and payment. I want all of you to come to some sort of agreement to keep the peace before I feel remotely comfortable letting you roam the ED. If I get another incident like that again, as soon as quarantine is lifted, I won't hesitate to have Mr. Christopoulos escort you all to jail. We're arranging dinner to be moved through the quarantine for everyone soon." With that, Joan opened the door and stalked out of the room. Roman hopped off the bed and scurried after them.

"Glad to see neither of you got punched," Nate scoffed, pushing the door closed once Roman slipped out. Roman stuck his hands into the pockets of his letter jacket.

"If they weren't around each other, I'd say they were remorseful for the fight," Roman muttered. He walked beside Joan as they padded around the ED, eyes glazing over the beds.

"We've got enough to do without worrying about those four," Joan grumbled. They walked past Bay 9, where Augustin chatted with Señora Cebolla, sitting beside her on the bed. Roman waved as he walked by.

"You know, since we're in here for a while," Roman said. "I've been meaning to ask you about this little theater idea I had." Before Roman could explain, someone started gagging. Roman and Joan shared a glance. They followed the gagging past Bay 10, where Milena looked up from her phone (which wasn't damaged in the crash, through some miracle). In Bay 11, Jessie McCallum was awake, long ginger curls puffing up around her like a mane. Her right arm was in a purple cast and bandages wrapped around her neck. She was also rolled onto her good arm, vomiting over the side of her bed. Joan cussed and rushed to Jessie's side.

"Oh, uh," Roman stammered, looking around. "Can we get a nurse over here, please?" Joan grabbed a nearby trash bin and held it under Jessie's face. The teen dry-heaved a bit, but all that came out now was spit.

"There you go, there you go," Joan muttered, patting Jessie's back.

"Is something wrong with Jessie?" Milena asked through the curtain separating the bays.

"My stomach hurts," Jessie groaned. Her left arm shook as she tried to push herself up. A nurse whooshed past Roman and gently grabbed Jessie. He and Joan helped her lay back onto the bed, keeping her on her side.

"This a new pain, hon?" the nurse asked, his voice soft as he moved the hair away from Jessie's mouth.

"I felt like this this morning," Jessie groaned. "I thought it was just bad cramps." Jessie's forehead glistened in the white ED light. It didn't take a medical degree to tell she had a fever.

"Jessie, I'm going to push on your stomach," Joan said. "Roman, grab me the gloves behind the desk." Roman snapped to attention and dove over the desk, grabbing the box of blue gloves and handing a pair to Joan. "I need you to tell me if you feel pain, and where." Jessie nodded, closing her eyes tight and gritting her teeth. Joan slipped on the rubber gloves. They moved Jessie's hospital gown to reveal her stomach. Their fingers pressed against her left side.

"Ow, yeah, that hurts, right side," Jessie gasped, her good hand gripping her bedsheets. Joan frowned slightly.

"Jessie?" Milena called again.

"Nurse Fleming, could you find an ultrasound machine?" Joan asked, looking up at the nurse. He nodded and hurried away. Roman glanced over at Bay 10. Milena leaned forward as far as she could with her injuries, trying to see what was going on. "Jessie, can you describe your pain to me? Give me some details."

"I," Jessie sighed, shaking as she tried to sit up. "I started hurting after breakfast, but I just thought it was my cramps again, so I took a Midol, but it didn't go away. It kept growing, but I needed to get to tennis..." Nurse Fleming wheeled a contraption past Roman into the bay.

"Jessie, Nurse Fleming is going to rub some gel on the right side of your stomach and get an ultrasound of you," Joan explained, glancing up at Nurse Fleming as they talked. He gave Joan a quick nod. He grabbed a tube and rubbed a clear gel against Jessie's stomach. He then pressed a rod with a round end against the gel and turned on the machine he brought with. As he moved the rod over Jessie's stomach, a hazy black and white image that Roman barely understood popped onto the machine's screen.

"Jessie," Joan said, eyes scanning the screen. "We'll run this image by radiology to make sure, but I believe you have appendicitis."

"What?" Jessie stammered.

"It's ok," Joan stammered, holding out their hands like they were calming a bull. "It's treatable. I promise." A few more nurses rushed around Roman. One started mopping up the vomit while others took Joan's spot, whispering gentle words to Jessie. Roman would never understand the strange secret language of the nurses. Joan squeezed out of the bay and to Roman's side.

"Appendicitis, is that the one you remove the appendix for?" Roman whispered, glancing at the crowded Bay 11.

"Yeah," Joan huffed, fingering the beanie in their pocket. "From the ultrasound, I don't think that appendix will stay whole until morning. Removing it is the safest bet. That is, if we weren't currently quarantined in the ED, which doesn't have enough supplies to do a safe organ removal."

"Oh," Roman said, hands clenching in his pockets.

"Yeah," Joan huffed. They grabbed Roman's arm and tugged him across the ED. "Oh."

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Three hours into quarantine

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Taglist-

@cocobearthe4th @purelyreblogstsedition @watchoutforthefanfics

[bloo-the-dragon]

Geno and Sparks - Hospital Visit

Heeeey!

Been a while since i posted a written thing huh!

Sorry about that.

So this is a short(ish) fic that started out as just an experiment for some character developments and ideas that ended up going a bit further than i intended.

So basic overview, Sparks ends up at the hospital and Geno goes to visit him and during the visit an unexpected turn of events happen! (Warningfeelsahead) ;w;

MommaCQ/Worldview belongs to @alainaprana ~

Geno belongs to @loverofpiggies ~

Sparks and Bloo(persona) belong to me. ~

Geno’s nerves were shooting through the roof as the nurse led him to the room Sparks was currently staying in.

There had been quite the scare when the child suddenly passed out yesterday morning. Geno hadn’t been there, but Bloo had rung him to let him know what happened after she had gotten him to the hospital. Thankfully it hadn’t been as bad as first thought – his magical energy had suddenly dropped almost dangerously low, and while he was now out of the danger zone the doctors said they wanted to keep him for a few nights to keep an eye on his soul as it was showing signs of instability and there was a chance it might suddenly give out at any moment.

The news had terrified Geno. He had been babysitting Sparks for a few months now and had grown very attached to the child. He had wanted to come up to see him, but unfortunately his own health had taken a bit of a downhill and he was unable to come up to visit little Sparks. Bloo kept him up to date with phone calls, and reassured him that Sparks would be alright, though he could hear the worry in her own voice which made him even more anxious.

Today though Geno was thankfully well enough to come up to visit Sparks himself. The nurse had been expecting him, as he had phoned Bloo to let her know he was coming and she in turn had let the doctors know. The nurse told him Bloo was away to handle some errands, but she would be happy to take him to Sparks room to which he agreed.

Geno fidgeted with his hands. He was getting increasingly anxious as it felt as though it was taking forever for him and the nurse to reach the room Sparks was staying in. He glanced around, taking in all the sights and sounds. They were all familiar to him, given the number of times he had to stay at hospitals while growing up. He felt his soul pang in sympathy and sadness as he realised it was most likely the same for little Sparks.

“Here we are” The nurse stopped outside of a room, snapping Geno out of his thoughts. “You know what to do if something happens. Just push the red button and help will come” The nurse told him.

“Yes, thankyou” Geno replied, as he stepped past the nurse and into the room. The doctors here knew him well enough. He had been here more than a few times in the past, or at least enough times for them to not forget about him.

Geno saw Sparks sitting semi upright on the bed, being supported by the back rest. There was an IV tube connected to the child’s hand that ran up to a bag filled with magical substance. Geno sighed.

Poor kid.

As he approached, he instantly noticed how quiet the child was which made him feel very worried. Usually Sparks was a lot more active than this. Even bedridden, he would be looking around curiously, playing with any nearby toys or scribbling on some paper. And he would have most certainly heard Geno and the nurse approaching, even before seeing them. The kid had pretty good hearing.

However, this time Sparks was near motionless, head slightly bowed and staring off into space. His little colouring book and pencils were on the drawers next to the bed, but it didn’t look as though they had been touched. He didn’t even seem to be aware that Geno was even in the room.

This wasn’t good.

“Sparks?” Geno called gently.

That seemed to do the trick. Sparks head suddenly snapped up and his eyes brightened once he caught sight of Geno. A big smile spread across the child’s face.

“Gigi! You’re here!”

Geno let out a sigh of relief and smiled back as he sat down in a chair next to the bed before the excited Sparks had a chance to leap out of the bed as he had done once before. He had tripped, but thankfully didn’t fall over though he didn’t seem to faze him at all. Certainly gave Geno and Bloo a bit of a scare, and he preferred to not have a repeat incident. However, he was very happy to see Sparks back to his usual self.

“I knew you’d come! I really missed you! Ma said you couldn’t come to visit yesterday cos’ you were feelin’ sick. Are you feelin’ better now? Are-“

“Whoa hey slow down kiddo! Breathing! Kinda need to do that, remember?” Geno laughed slightly as he cut off Sparks excited rambling. He was relived to see Sparks still had that “spark” of energy of his.

“Oh! Oh yeah that!” Sparks took a short moment to catch his breath, but before he could continue, Geno spoke up again.

“Besides I’m the one who should be asking if your alright. You… certainly gave me and Bloo quite the scare yesterday” Geno said, his smile fading just a little. Sparks seemed to have gone a little quiet again. His big grin faltered slightly, and his eyes cast off to the side.

“So…How do you feel in yourself?” Geno asked.

Sparks shrugged, and the smile widened again “Mm doin ok! Doctors said I had to stay in bed though. Sucks” Sparks pouted.

Geno laughed, “Haha ah well I know it sucks but it’s for the best. Wouldn’t want anything happening, now would we?”

“Mm guess not” Sparks replied, a little less enthusiastic than before.

“Uh.. everything alright kiddo? Your lookin a lil sombre there” Geno’s happy smile quickly shifted into a worried one.

“Mmhmm” Sparks mumbled a bit as he stared off into the distance again, causing Geno to frown.

Geno was starting to become increasingly worried. Something was going on here. Sparks was usually so peppy and outgoing but today he seemed… off. Geno had become aware of the child’s distaste for staying in bed all day not long after starting to babysit. However, the kid always seemed to find ways to entertain himself, with his toys, watching cartoons, drawing in his colouring book and even making up little stories and personalities for his toys. Seemed almost impossible for the kid to be bored.

But then that was when he was at home. Having to make frequent visits to the hospital and stay for long periods of time confined to the beds here would have a negative effect on even the most positive of people over time no doubt. At the hospital things are different. You’re not surrounded by the familiarity of being home, nor having all the things that bring you joy around you. Perhaps that was the reason for his sudden change in attitude. Geno felt a twang of sympathy for the child. He knew that feeling all too well.

“...Gigi?”

“Wha-huh?” Geno snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at Sparks who was now looking back up at Geno, though all traces of a smile had left the kids face. He didn’t look sad though just… blank. And possibly a bit confused but Geno wasn’t sure. He couldn’t tell what the child was thinking.

“Yeah wassup kiddo?”

“I heard the doctors talking with ma today”

Geno felt a chill run up his spine. “Oh, you did?” He tried to keep his voice light hearted.

Sparks nodded, “I was bored an’ my legs were feelin’ funny so I left the bed to walk around a bit. They were talkin’ about me. I don’t think I was supposed to hear em”

Geno wasn’t sure how to respond. He was feeling very conflicted and very worried as to where this was leading too. He noticed Sparks seemed to be a little troubled as a small frown had formed on the childs face. Geno suddenly felt half a mind to stop Sparks from continuing, especially if it was bothering the child but at the same time he felt that maybe it would be good for the child to talk about it. Then again, he was so young, and he didn’t want Sparks worrying.

“Well, uhh..”

“They said I wasn’t doing well” Sparks continued, cutting Geno off.

Geno felt a sharp pang in his soul.

“Somethin’ about my soul not doing good. I have ta’ stay here for a while they said. Ma didn’t sound so happy either” Sparks carried on. Their expression was still blank, as was the tone in their voice. He didn’t sound sad though, nor did he sound happy.

Geno was struggling. He couldn’t tell if Sparks knew what was going on, or if he didn’t and was trying to make sense of what he heard by voicing it to Geno. Either way it wasn’t looking good, and it was starting to bring back some de ja vu memories for Geno.

Before Geno could respond, Sparks suddenly perked up look up towards Geno with a big bright smile. “Don’t worry! Ma said the doctors here are the best and that I won’t be here for too long! She said if I’m good I can leave the bed n’ perhaps wander around the halls and visit the play area and stuff. And she’s gonna bring me some books for story times! Which is great cos’ I wanna tell her a good story tonight so she’ll feel better”

“Oh? Is she not feeling too well?” Geno asked.

Sparks shook his head, “No. I told her that if its my time to go then not to be sad because I would be going to a happy place and I’ll be ok! It made her sad and I felt bad…” Sparks told him.

Whatever Sparks said next, Geno didn’t hear him. Every bone in his body froze up and his soul twinged almost painfully. Everything seemed to come to an instant standstill, and the room suddenly felt a lot colder than it had before.

Sparks had said that sentence so casually it had left Geno feeling utterly shocked, to the point where all trains of thought just halted to a stop as he slowly processed what he had just heard.

It felt like hours had passed by the time Geno regained his senses, though it had only been a few seconds and he suddenly felt very very distraught, as all his emotions came crashing down on him like a tidal wave. Sparks didn’t seem to have noticed. He had carried on talking, despite Geno’s current state.

“It’s like going to sleep they told me” Sparks continued.

“W-Wha..” Geno could barely manage a response.

“Whenever I go to sleep, I always dream of going to these new places!” Sparks carried on, “And there’s all these really cool people who are super nice and always like to play and tell stories. But when I wake up back here it’s all gone. So, when I go to sleep and don’t wake up it will be ok because I’ll be there in the happy place with all the nice people.”

Geno couldn’t stop himself rom covering his mouth with a shaky hand as he realised what was going on in the child’s mind. This was… so much worse than he had thought. He should have known. Why had he not seen the signs before? He should have KNOWN!

“But… I only get to the nice place if I’m happy you see.” Sparks continued. He seemed to become more and more downcast as he kept talking. “That’s why I always do my best to stay as happy as I can. Because if I’m feeling really... really scared… and I go to sleep… I go to a scary place with… scary p-people. So, if I’m going to sleep I want t-to be happy s-so I can go to the h-happy place.”

Sparks had startled to tremble slightly, and his little hands had gripped the sheets more tightly. The reality of his situation seemed to be fully dawning on the child, as his defences began to drop, and now Geno could no longer see the happy cheery child before. Now all he saw was a frightened small child who had now come to the full realisation of his condition, and the internal conflict they were still so desperately trying to hide. Geno felt tears begin to well up in his eyes.

Sparks had always seemed like such a happy and positive child. Geno had never noticed the signs and he felt so angry at himself for failing to do so. He had gone through such a similar thing himself when he was just a child, it should have been so obvious! Doing what he could to hide his pain from his brothers and mother, despite the fact they all knew. Trying to stay positive and happy, trying to not make everyone worry, and the intense guilt he would feel whenever they worried over him and how badly he wanted to just see them all happy.

Trying to reassure them he would be alright.

Not wanting them to know he was dying.

Geno clenched his eyes shut. How had he missed this…?

“S-Sparks”

Sparks looked up at Geno and he gasped slightly, “Gigi? W-why are you sad? Are you crying? Don’t cry p-please! D-don’t be sad! I don’t w-want you to be sad!” Tears had started welling up in the child’s eyes as well, and Geno decided enough was enough.

Geno briskly rubbed his eyes before reaching over and very gently pulled the child into a hug. Sparks tensed slightly at the sudden embrace, but he didn’t resist nor try to pull away. He felt the shudders in the bigger skeletons chest as Geno breathed shakily, trying to hold it together. Sparks looked up slightly, but he couldn’t see Geno’s face.

“…Gigi?”

“I know.”

Sparks froze. “H-huh?”

Geno held the child a little closer, “It’s going to be alright Sparks. You’re... you’re not going to d- hgn. You’re not going to go to sleep. You’re g-going to be alright. Everything will be a-alright. I know your scared and I understand. But its ok to be scared. Just stay strong. Please… stay strong for your guardian kiddo… stay strong for me… ok?”

Sparks didn’t respond, and for a moment Geno almost internally panicked thinking he had said the wrong thing. After a short moment though, Sparks buried his face into Geno’s chest, and Geno felt a pair of small trembling arms wrap around his side.

“O..okay…” came the small muffled response.

---

By the time Bloo came back to the room after running a few quick errands and talking with the doctor about certain treatments, she found both Sparks and Geno lying on the hospital bed sound asleep. Geno was laid on his side with an arm around little Sparks who was curled next to him. She smiled and sighed tiredly before settling down in the chair, not wanting to disturb either of them. She pulled out a sketch pad and began some quiet sketching until they woke up.

[yeoldontknow]

11 Questions Tag

tagged by @chanyeolingss @kpopfanfictrash and @yeol-stole-my-soul <3333

Rules: 1. post the rules 2. answer the questions given to you by the tagger. 3. write 11 questions of your own 4. tag 11 people

ALRIGHT so i was tagged 3 times with 11 different questions each time so im going to answer all 33 of these and then write 11 of my own LORDY. HERE WE GO

also putting this under a cut cause 33 questions will be a lot

from @chanyeolingss

If you had the chance to do something illegal and get away with it, would you? this entirely depends on what the illegal thing is? like, would i ever cause a person bodily harm? probably not. something less insane and petty? probably. like if i knew i could steal a tv and get away with it, i probably would. 

What do you do to calm down? i listen to music and sit in my room. i light candles. im big into aroma therapy and so i tend to always have lavender or vanilla scents in my space. i pet my cat and make him sit with me. purring kitties lower my anxiety like, a lot. other times i take a bath. If you wanted to, what new name would you give yourself? when i was a kid i hated my name because the spelling always seemed gross to me. for the longest time i wanted to be named Aurelia. im good now tho lmao ive shortened my name on my own to just kat and it suits me Do you use markers, pencils or crayons when coloring/drawing? pencils Of the places you’ve been, which was the worst? honestly i reallllyyy didnt like amsterdam. nothing about that trip made me happy. like im grateful i took the tour of anne frank’s house, but like it wasnt really enjoyment it was just this overwhelming feeling of emotion and trauma. it was beautiful and i wouldnt trade that experience for the world. but everything else was awful. the people i was with was a big problem so id like to go back with a better group and try again.  What’s your favorite Disney movie? always a cross between mulan and beauty and the best Which celebrity do you identify with? i feel like im emma thompson 100% of the time What is your favorite season? autumn, without question the best season What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? my first ever ever ever job was for this newspaper in the town where i grew up. our family friend worked for them and got me the job but it was only supposed to be for 5 days. i had a garbage bin filled with newspapers and i had to hand them out to people. i was only getting paid based on the amount of bins i emptied. i hated every single moment of it. 

What’s the pettiest thing you’ve ever done? im not really a petty person tbh its just that if you fall out of my good favor you will not be allowed back in. my trust once lost is lost forever Do you prefer talking on the phone or texting/messaging? please dont call me unless you need help lmao texting is fine

from @kpopfanfictrash

1) If you could have one superpower, what would it be? my god i want so many but right now its a tie between controlling an element (either fire or water) or the ability to understand every language

2) What was your favorite TV show growing up? when i was a kid there was a show called roswell that aired on what used to be The WB and is now The CW lmao it was awful but i made my mother let me stay up to watch it every monday. i still adore this show even though i KNOW its objectively awful but i own all 3 seasons and regularly watch them when im feeling sad lmao

3) What’s the next trip you’re taking or want to take? IN LESS THAN A FEW WEEKS, I WILL BE IN ST LOUIS WITH @kpopfanfictrash, @the-porcelain-doll-xo, @igot7bangtanbaes and @rudeboywonho <33333

4) What is your biggest pet peeve? when im walking behind someone and they are smoking in my face AND passive aggression please just tell me wtf is wrong so we can move on

5) Tell me one weird habit you have lmfao god i cant believe im admitting this to the world BUT when im stuck and need to think hard on something i hold my boobs pls leave me lmao

6) If your life were a movie, what genre would it be? (comedy, drama, teen horror… LOL) id be in one of those teen comedies. probably john hughes with a DOPE soundtrack

7) Who is one person you find inspirational (real or imagined)? my mother

8) What one thing would you save first from your home, in a fire? my cat lmao but if you mean non living thing my phone

9) What physical feature do you first notice on a person? ears and smile are usually within the same moment

10) What is the strangest thing you have ever eaten? i cant say ive eaten anything strange. when i was in france i had escargot and adored it

11) One thing I would not guess about you by looking at you. ive played violin since i was 7

from @yeol-stole-my-soul

1) What are you wearing rn :))) What’s your go-to outfit? my pajamas jeans, band tee, combat boots - my standard

2) If you could tell your bias one thing, what would it be? i can i tell him a lot of things in one breath? ok here goes: chanyeol, i respect the living shit out of you, but please make sure you take care of yourself like i know its easy to assume your problems are a burden and that no one really will notice your tells but the ones who care about you the most will never think of you as a burden and want to make sure you keep smiling - also please remember to eat well and sleep and hydrate, because if you dont you will get sick and the last thing i could handle on this earth is seeing you unwell or injured because you pressured yourself too much - trust me i do the same thing and that is why i am openly telling you that the people who really love you will understand if you step back so you can regroup 

*coughs, wheezes* i love you so fucking much park chanyeol please take care of you

*gasping* your verse in chill saved my life

*dies*

3) If you found yourself as a character in a story, what role would you probably play (ex. the villain, the hero/ine, the sidekick, the crazy old man…) and why? i know for a fact id be the witty side kick who unwittingly solves every problem just because shes observant and doesnt have martyr vibes

4) Do you sleep with socks on or socks off at night?? socks off what kind of demon leaves them on???? dont trust that type wtf

5) Which meme most accurately describes you?

this image is me at any given time of day

6) What do you want your last words to be? oh for fucks sake

7) Describe your ideal date(?) i’m adding the question mark to pretend this is a question somewhere we can talk - theres a place in NYC thats a bar but also an arcade filled with old old games like the original tekken and street fighter. i like going there for chill vibes and then likely walking along the water pier in central park at sunset. its really quiet in that part of the city and on a date i really just want to talk, get to know you, figure out your energy. if its the weekend id happily head to the IFC center for a midnight showing of a classic and then depart at 3AM feeling like ive actually connected with someone who challenges me intellectually and culturally 

8) If you could switch lives/bodies with one person for a day, who would it be and why? zhang yixing so i could make sure he sleeps

9) If you had to spend 24 hours in a television show, which one would you choose and why? And would you survive lolol? i want to be in parks and recreation so i can flirt with ben the entire show and make leslie angry and then by the end be best friends with leslie and anne and then become a recurring character

10) What’s your favorite quote? ‘But from each crime are born bullets that will one day seek out in you where the heart lies.’ - Pablo Neruda

11) Where THE FUCK is Waldo?? his house, wondering why the fuck people keep assuming he would be anywhere else

11 new questions:

1. if you could learn any language, which would you want to learn and why? 2. you’ve moved into your dream house. CONGRATS! what does it look like and where is it? 3. i’m buying you a drink. what are you having? 4. welcome to NYC! let me take you my favourite record shop. whats that record you have in your hand?  5. pitch me an idea for a tv show - in 6 sentences 6. i’m sorry but you’re dead. what does the afterlife look like? 7. thanks for hanging out with me tonight! lets put on a movie. what are we watching? 8. i know, i know. dating my friends is odd but i love you so why shouldnt this be a date? 9. i’ve taken you to the strand in NYC. its a 4 storey book store that is filled with miles worth of books. we are on the 4th floor, which is the floor for old and rare books. which book are you looking for? 10. i got my vacation time booked! ok. lets decide. where are we going? really! why do you want to go? 11. SHIT! i didnt know you could sing!! we’re starting a band. what are we called?

tagging: @yeolology @kpopandlock @kollectionn @kimnamwho @imdifferentshadesofpurple @oh-beyond @pikayeollie @the-porcelain-doll-xo  @daegusoftboys @baebae-goodnight @igot7bangtanbaes

[sundrenched-smilez]

odd numbers for the lesbian asks! (if it's too many just do every 4th one maybe?)

1. Femme or butch? 

for type, im vry easily wooed by butches tbh

as for myself, im genderfluid + heavily lean towards butch-ish for one gender + have been gettin more comf w that term for myself. the 3 genders i switch between, ive described as sharp, dainty and tired, for reason of not really being comf w gender labels aside from nonbinary. sharp/tired r kinda butchish, moreso sharp. like leather jackets, ripped jeans, dress pants/shirts, defs flannels (which r a given for any mood im in tbh) while tired is like mb softer, more focused on flannels + loose tank tops/shirts, shorts + certain skirts, comfy clothes, and the like   

ive found that i’m leaning more towards butch lately too, like i’ve been a lot more comfortable with pants and a nice top than i have w dresses or most skirts + im wondering if i was just hanging on to femininity for sake of society, so those r things 2 think abt. i still feel comf in them sometimes, but it’s getting much less often. gender’s weird, i still cant cling to one bc of how pressuring that is so genderfluidity is still smth for me + it shifting to different percentages is okay (im thinking out loud @ this point, but its helping so i hope its interesting to read)

3. Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

both, but primarily flannels/plaid buttion-ups

5. Describe your aesthetic

aaahh theres a lot of diff aesthetics i could go into, but i have a tag if ur interested in a visual representation? basically, cosy homes, forests, wooden steps and bridges, cats, girls/nbs, water, plants, and old video game stuff, and clouds/skies. i’m sure there’s more in there, but for a good rule of thumb !! as for like dressing aesthetic, i like to look rly gay + attractive and a lil showy? like my shorts r Short and i love crop tops + a lot of my shirts show my bra thru them, + i like showing it when i can, like sports bra + a tank top is a fav look of mine bc i can make it look like my bra is a trim on the shirt + it’s cute. i’ve been wearing dresses less often, but occasionally, i like to rock one. id love a pair of combat boots but i have like size 11/12 feet + most stores dont carry that size + im hesitant to buy some online. 

7. Favorite pair of shoes?

its rly hard to find any, i have like walmart converse knockoffs atm + theyre a beige/grey color im not that huge on, it kinda reminds me of sandalwood but depressed

9. Any haircut goals for the future? 

there was the undercut!! and i have that down now c: next step is to dye it blue and mb some purple. i wanna bleach it if i’m gonna dye it, but im hesitant to do that bc of how damaging it is, but since my hair’s been cut a cpl time almost all the color is out now, so i think itll b ok if i take good care of it. 

11. Describe the worst date you’ve been on

i went to a cafe w someone (i think they were nb but i cant remember, it was like 2 yrs ago about ) and they were impossible to talk to bc they just kept saying “im awkward sorry” @ everything and like any conversations i tried to maintain were all one-shot responses, and like that was a lil frustrating. like i dont hold it against them or anything, more in a sense of i was rly tryin 2 carry it and just couldnt 

13. If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

whooh i wish i was taken, i need affection + to b cute w someone 

15. Describe your dream wedding

hmmmm i havent thought much about it !! i know when i was younger i wanted to wear a black wedding dress but now im thinkin mb a suit that switches to dress @ the bottom?? that could b cool. I’d be happy w anything tbh, if im getting married, i’d just b happy to be w my wife/spouse. mb somewhere in a forest or on a boat would b cool, defs lots of good food and colorful flowers. I’d like a lot of color, most weddings ive been to are just b/w and bland for my taste (they’ve also all been straight tho so theres that.) it’s kind of wild to think that i might b married someday, but it’d b rly nice. i just haven’t thought much abt the planning of one. it’d b rly gay tho, probs give out tiny gay flags at each seat, and the cake could b lesbian flag colors. im rly drawing a blank on this, but i know id want all my friends around the country + world to be there. 

17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

i definitely want to live in a port town at some point !! idk where i’d like to settle down, ideally somewhere that doesnt get much hotter than 90 degrees + has lots of parks + is big enough for some events, like pride stuff, little festivals, a farmer’s market, and places to do things, such as a movie theater, bowling alley, mb an aquarium, if not one in a nearby town. hiking trails r also good. 

19. Favorite lesbian novel/story?

on a sunbeam!!! its a huge inspiration for me, and i love it so much. it always puts me in such a good mindset when i read it, and the artist is my age, so it makes me feel like I can also accomplish great things if i rly put my heart into it!! which is such a good feeling, and it has great representation + characters that i love, and its rly gay, and in space and theres ships shaped like fish + its gorgeous : D i could go on for hrs abt it + how important it is to me. theres an nb character too, and like the aspect of found families is one that rly hits home and it helped me get thru a rough time of my life + better accept myself as queer/gay. 

21. Favorite lesbian musician?

adult mom (tho i think they’re bi but still gay), or hayley kiyoko

23. Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i think so, but i can’t place when, it’s been a bit. 

25. Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

talking abt being gay w other girls/nbs is lovely and cathartic, i never got to growing up bc i lived in a homophobic town + i was like dealing heavily with internalized homophobia and body/gender dysphoria so i was ace for a bit. talking more abt like sexual attraction + aesthetic attraction is new to me, and that’s been a process to get to, but it’s nice that I can now do so w/o being belittled or barraged by insult. i also just love the thought of being w someone, and daydreaming abt when that happens is really nice. also,, girls + nbs r a blessing and brighten my day and im so glad im attracted 2 them 

27. Turn ons?

absolutely communication, that’s a need. i had a bad experience w someone bc she wasn’t communicative at all, and failed to tell me that we weren’t dating despite us going on several dates + kissing??? like i wont go too into it, but hatchi matchi it was a mess. so yeah, communication, affection, and like reassurance that they actually want to be with me, and that my presence is wanted and enjoyed. I got a lot of “i dont care”s for answers last sort-of relationship, and that was rly discouraging. another turn on is for them to initiate talking and things, like holding hands or planning to hang out + such. consent is another big one. 

29. Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

i usually tend to ask them out, but im still dealing w internalized junk, so its difficult. i also havent any situations in which they liked me back, which is frustrating. like i got lead on earlier summer for abt a month until i asked what we were doing + didnt rly get an answer, and it was this whole mess. i generally try to make the first move tho, bc i know firsthand how difficult it is, but that being said, it’s still hard for me to know for sure if theyre interested + i dont wanna make things uncomf w them, so i’ll wait until i think there might b attraction. that being said, once that’s all out of the way, i like to consider myself a good flirt when im trying. 

31. Talk about your interests or hobbies!

i have lots of interests!! im obsessed w steven universe, its my fav show (and if u ever have time, we should totally watch it together sometime, i rly think you’d love it, it’s super gay + heartwarming.) i really love playing music and learning new songs, which im rly great at memorizing. talking to friends + gettin 2 know them better is always nice and fun. i like to draw new things + see the different ways ppl draw, so seeing art on here is always fun for me. i’m also rly into polygon videos (it’s a youtube channel, not like videos abt polygon haha) and this podcast called the adventure zone. season one just ended, so i might start listening to another one called friends at the table. i rly wanna start a podcast w someone, but can never find anyone to start it with. idk what I’d talk abt but if i could find a partner for it, i think it’d be a lot of fun. mb smth abt games or books/queer representation in media. doing a dnd podcast would also b rly fun, but a lot of work + editing so mb later down the road !! im blanking on other interests atm, but animations and cartoons r lovely and i aim to make something in that field one day, if not just a comic.

my hobbies r mostlyyyy drawing, dnd things now every thursday, hanging w my friends, playing video games, sometimes writing (i rly wanna start a comic, and im tryin to get my butt into gear on it), goin to parks, listening to music, and goin 2 events w roe + cesar, two of my friends. sometimes ill play music!! i need to get more than the keyboard i’m lending, but i love performing. ill also watch leg birds on youtube, theyre a lesbian couple that plays gams + theyre rly sweet. 

33. Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

its easy for me to love friends, doesnt usu take me more than a few months of knowing them if were talking a lot. as for falling in love, that takes me a lot longer. ive never rly been in love w someone. i thought i was once, but rly it was just my first gay experience w someone and i wanted it to be perfect so i projected a lot of things + made it better than it seemed to myself for the duration of it, which wasn’t healthy, so i wanna avoid doing that again, + take things slower next time. or at least for what they are. 

35. Ever fallen for a straight girl?

a few times, they were just crushes tho, so it wasnt too too bad

37. Favorite comfort food?

hot cocoa or tea. as for food food, i dont think i have one. mb french toast or cinnamon rolls. 

39. Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

i used to be a vegetarian!! for like a yr, but it was difficult for me to eat and feel full, and i was pretty underweight, so i stopped. 

41. Early-riser or night-owl?

both, i tend to stay up, but getting up early can be nice if i dont have to do anything. like just gently waking + making some tea and a nice breakfast + sittin around for a bit. 

43. What is your Myers-Briggs type?

enfp-a 

45. At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

i think like 16-17? it took me a bit to get words for identity, like lesbian/nonbinary and the like, but i always knew, like id call myself an individual as opposed to gendered terms that i was referred to, and always felt rly yucky w deadname + the wrong pronouns

47. Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

ive got one crush atm !! and another person who seems nice, but i wanna hang out w before like thinking abt a crush (im poly, which perhaps goes w/o saying, but i always like to state it when talking abt these things, jic )

49. Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

i’d like a partner or two, to get some bongos- i got to play some a couple weeks ago, and it was the most fun i’ve had playing anything!! having smth with an instant response that i could make up rhythms with was really rewarding and so much fun. i know i want a cat at some point, to go on cute dates + cuddle and kiss a lot w someone, to visit my friends in other places, dye my hair, get a better job, to travel a bit, make a comic, go to college for animation and storyboarding, mb go to camp at some point, and I’d like to make some more friends here, i’m already making some, which i’m super happy about, but it’s always nice meeting new ppl 

thank u for asking!! this was relaxing + fun, and a lot of the topics were cathartic to talk about, and i needed it. so thanks for listening too kinda

also im queen of commas, i’ve discovered while typing this

[paulsolorzano]

01.31.19

So when Axxxxx found out she was pregnant when we were in Fairbanks in Alaska we got a pregnancy app to chart the baby’s progress. 

The baby was due two weeks ago. 

I knew the date was coming up and it’s depressing to think about on multiple levels. Remind me to talk about it. 

—-

Was supposed to hang with Cxxxxxxx tonite but Kxxxx actually wants to see me and was asking me about it so, I’m gonna have to get out of it with her. 

Cxxxxxxxx hit me up on Facebook messenger asking if I still wanted to hang. I haven’t responded yet. 

—-

Ive been to this Starbucks so many times that the guy Josh, calls me by my name when he sees me in the camera, and knows my drink here. 

I don’t know what to think about that. 

It speaks something about my habits of course. In a sense I was happy to hear my name and my drink, but it’s like goddam, is this my life?

—

I need to remind myself not to be the old server. 

—

Still need to tell Cxxxxxxxx I need to take a rain check 

 What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Jeff Rosenstock show and how inspiring it was

Not having a baby with Axxxxx instead of having one

“Don’t be the old server”

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - POST-

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.30.19

I can’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up; it doesn’t matter because I’m not whatever it was. 

This storage space elevator smells like sweaty bodies. 

-//

Plugging along on the I-4 westbound. Something up the way is really holding up the traffic. Luckily I have my music. 

Aaron Tobin called me to let me know his (and our to an extent) boy Todd, died of a massive heart attack. He was Tobins age, 39 maybe 40. 

To be fair this guy was huge his whole life and also on drugs. He had he heart attack in jail from what I understand. He turned himself in for a warrant he had going. 

Wild shit. Living long enough for people to be dying around us 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Jeff Rosenstock show and how inspiring it was

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - POST-

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“ It’s like somebody traded out my skin, for something I could never feel good in” -Jeff Rosenstock 

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.29.19

Jeff Rosenstock tonite. I finagled three tickets from a friend online, for me and Danielito and Kristy, but unfortunately they can’t make it. 

So I’m going solo. Asked a couple girls on the roster but no luck so far. And it’s that time. So I’ll be forging on alone. 

Gotta get earplugs. 

—-

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“ we’ll diffuse bombs, run marathons, and take on whatever together” - Grandaddy 

“Wizards, stop throwing fruit at me!” - Reggie and the full effect  

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.28.19

Monday. I’m off. Had plans with Mxxxx in the morning but she’s taken ill. 

I tentatively have plans with Kxxxx tonite, which I need to attempt to solidify tonite. Ok, the text has been sent: “hangs tonite?”

Easy enough. 

She already asked about Monday on Sunday morning after Saturday night hangs and bangs. 

Waiting on her response. Listening to Mary Hopkin. This shit is my new shit, which is old shit like back in 1969. Produced by Paul McCartney is definitely why I like it. 

—-

Of course this is all happening at my storage space. This is where I hang currently. Since I’ve been back to Orlando. I hang here with my shit and wrote and do art and catalogue and attempt to trim down and move shit around to maximize the space. 

—

So back to the Kxxxx thing, she’s ill too. Everyone is sick for some reason. I’ve always been a carrier, rarely getting ill myself. 

—

Had a conversation with Cxxxxxxxx. She was upset about a week ago when she perceived me to be placing blame on her when she couldn’t hang out spur of the moment. 

So I waited almost a week and she didn’t text or message me once. 

So I wrote her. She’s pretty much embittered by a lot of previous bull shit that other people have heaped on to the pile. 

Now I suffer for the sins of the last person. 

To be fair she was super in to me when we met and I sort of nipped the ‘let’s hop into a relationship immediately after she gets out of one’ enthusiasm in the bud. 

So, she seems to be indifferent to me, and more broadly, people in general. Hard to say. 

I don’t really need to put that much emotional energy into it, as I have other more interested coals in the fire. 

But she’s grown on me. So there’s that. 

I’m not trying to abandon any of the women I get involved with. 

Do I want to commit to any of them fully? At present, no.

And naturally I think of Axxxxx. Always her. She blew my hair back. I blew it with her. 

—-

There’s a cute Hispanic girl in this Denny’s right now, sitting alone and watching Futurama. I keep glancing over there to watch. 

Also the girl who just came in for her shift at 11:00 has just left hurriedly in tears. I have no damn clue what the hell happened. 

  What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Blink-182 enema of the state 

Weezer - blue album 

Mary Hopkin - post card

Deadmau5 - Polar: Music from the Netflix film

Dream tiger - dream tiger 

Lorn - ask the dust 

Jeff Rosenstock - worry. 

Reggie and the full effect - songs to not get married to

Reggie and the full effect - promotional copy 

Big business - command your weather 

Piebald - we are the only friends that we have 

Watching:

Step Brothers

Reading: 

Eating:

Denny’s mozzarella sticks and coffee   

Playing:

Purchases:

Paul McCartney Wings 45s

Record sleeves for 33s and 45s  

Packages received: 

Jeff rosenstock - POST casette

Wings - silly love songs 45 rpm

Mary hopkin- those were the days 45 rpm

Snow White seven dwarves figs 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“Welcome to your life; there’s no turning back” - tears for fears 

“ I’m like everybody else; as a shamed of sleep I lie when a phone call wakes me” - WHY? 

Quote of the day: 

“This house is a prison! On planet Bullshit!” - Brennan and Dale, Step Brothers

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.27.19

Cold and wet all day today. Truly a day where it rained all day. 

Spent the night at Kxxxx’s house. Who’s Kxxxx you ask? She is from the internet dating app OkCupid. I broke one of my own rules and slept over there. And this was last night, which was also the first night i met her in  person and also the first time we had sex. 

I say the first time assuming there will be more times. She and I definitely get along. It’s weird because she reminds me of Holly D in several ways. 

First off Kxxxx body is kind of shaped like Holly’s. She’s taller than I am. Big tits and ass. Back tattoo from what I could gather 

 01.26.19

I do everything high these days. I’m here at Orlando you and comic con hittin the pen hard. Already smoked before I left the house. 

This con is good because it’s smaller and I can make trips back to the car to bring back stuffs I’ve gotten. So I don’t have to roll around with a backpack. 

—-

At chipotle now. Had to drive to get here. Just up the road from the mall. I don’t know if I’ll go back to the con. Technically it goes til 7 but idk. 

—-

Spent a lot of fucking money today but I knew that was happening 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Basia Bulat - good advice 

Weezer - teal album 

The octopus project 

Peter Adams - the spiral eyes 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

“This is a womanly car” - me taking about Tina Watkins car that I drive around like an asshole. 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.25.19

I put the coins that I had organized fell yesterday into the sheets, I stuck them and the paper money into a three ring binder I got from Office Depot yesterday. 

I don’t want to work today but I must. 

Until I innovate my way out of this, I have to work for the man. Remember that you asshole, the next time you cry about it. 

—-

Chilled at the space and made some room for stuff. Slowly and surely ditching stuff 

—- 

got called off from work today in a Friday. I haven’t worked all week because reasons.  I asked for a couple days off to to the Neil DeGrasse Tyson thing, and the Orlando toy and comic con thing. I didn’t get get the two days off when Yaqeen did the schedule because he’s a Derp and does everything by hand. So I had two other days off, and then got the two off that I needed by dropping the shifts.  So I ain’t done shit all week. I’m gonna continue that trend into tomorrow at the con.  

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Wings - band on the run 

Katamari forever OST

Buffalo daughter - captain vapour athletes 

Weezer - teal album 

Nada surf - the weight is a gift 

Basia Bulat - good advice 

The Beatles - magic mystery tour 

No joy  - wait to pleasure 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

“you’re not wide anymore; you’re skinny fat” - Yaqeen talking about me 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.24.19

Been on the pen/flower pretty solid since October when I got back from Alaska. Hell, even Alaska I was on the wax daily. 

I guess I’ve been medicating myself. 

Working on a sketch. I missed a couple days but I did one last night also:

Ok and here’s today’s: 

I’m trying to find my groove with what I want to do with all these sketches. Basically I’m just sketching shit I see. 

Sketching? Drawing? I don’t even know what to say here haha. 

And I made another 

—-

Going to see Neil DeGrasse Tyson tonite. This will be the third time I’ll have seen him. 

I was hoping Axxxxx would be in the mix at this point because she was with me the first two times. Now, if I hadn’t have fucked up recently, she probably would be with me tonite. Goddammit me. So, my one and only boy Tobin is gonna come with me. 

It’ll be nice because we haven’t seen each other in a hot minute. Ever since he got that girlfriend of his haha. Now they are in that ‘up each other’s ass’ phase.  

Update: it would seem Neil will not be speaking tonite after all. Amidst recent allegations in the last few months, he postponed/canceled his shows: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.orlandoweekly.com/Blogs/archives/2018/12/13/neil-degrasse-tyson-cancels-orlando-appearance-following-sexual-misconduct-accusations%3fmedia=AMP%2bHTML

So that is sad fucking news, especially since I’m finding out today and not a month and a half ago. I mean I knew about the allegations but didn’t think it would come to this. 

Another thing that chapped me is that Aaron Tobin fucking bailed on me before I found this out. Granted I only asked him yesterday but damn he seems to let me down a lot when there’s a specific date and time involved. 

—/

I put my paper money and coin collection in these plastic inserts

Now the only thing that blows about these inserts is that the tops don’t seal, so this shit has to be flat or upright at all times. This isn’t too bad for the paper money but clearly there could be an issue for the coins.  I later got a three ring binder to stick the inserts in. 

Also I took pics of all the packages received today. Mostly records. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Weezer - teal album 

Veil of Maya - false idol

Black octopus lipstick project - foam party 

The octopus project 

CSS - Cansei de Ser Sexy

OCEANLANE - crossroad 

The Vienna philharmonic - Beethoven’s 5th symphony

No joy & sonic boom - ep  

Teddybears - soft machine 

Watching:

Rick and Morty season 3 blu ray

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Weezer black album vinyl pre order (2 colors)

Weezer black album cassette pre order 

Packages received: 

Lots of records from joyful noise 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.23.19

The first Amanda messaged me today accusing me of stealing her loop station. I never took the thing at all. Haven’t even thought of the thing for years. She said she is gonna to file a report and mention my name to the police. 

I don’t know what her deal is. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

WHY? - sandollars ep

Marijuana deathsquads - oh my sexy lord 

STNNNG - empire inward 

Vaz - necessary, pt. 2

Alias & doseone - less is orchestra 

The octopus project 

Peter Adams - the spiral eyes 

Teddy bears - soft machine 

Gnarls Barkley - st. Elsewhere  

Veil of Maya - false idol 

Mary Hopkin - post card 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV 

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

“Hey if a serial killer/murderer/etc fits the profile exactly but has never killed, what does that make them ?” Me to Mxxxx 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.22.19

Wish I could eat chips and get fat right now. 

I went a million places today. The altamonte mall. Starbucks. These two were part of a date with Mxxxx, who I really enjoyed hanging with. She is married and its all legit. Like they both see other people and shit. So this could be good for me. 

Then did the white girl tour to tj maxx and Ross. Also before that early in the afternoon after Mxxxx I went to bright light books. 

Went a little overboard on buying shit today. Oops. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Fail better heal faster 

The octopus project 

American football - LP3 pre release song

Wings - wings over America 

Status quo - rocking all over the world 

Xavier Cugat jungle drums 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Bright light books:

Art toy picture book

Avocado cookbook (for Mxxxx)

Wings: wings over America vinyl record 

Omg thrift 

These weird soft vinyl Snow White dwarves figures 

Clear makeup bag with

Kay Johnson vinyl record (with writing on the cover, a dedication to two ladies named carol and Donna)

Ross

NASA shirt 

Super NES controller shirt 

Super Mario shirt 

TJ MAXX

Vaporwave lookin Tokyo shirt 

Vaporwave lookin eyes shirt 

Marilyn Monroe skeleton with hair shirt 

Black stretch pants 34 inch waist for the first time whoop!

These fake ass sweat pants 

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“When I try to be clear with you, I only end up being see through” -American football 

Quote of the day: 

“When I put my Makeup on, I take so many selfies” - male barista at the Starbucks by the Altamonte mall

“My dad was awesome. He loved pistachios and Star Wars. Only imparted one of those loves onto me. He is no longer with us, but his memory lives on through red pistachios that also no longer exist.” - Mandyism

“The problem with that idea is that I don’t have a penis. I’m sorry. It wouldn’t be a fair game.” - Mandyism

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.21.19

The girl who works here only a couple days a week, Ebony, just took a tour of the inner workings of my storage space. This was her asking if she could look at my stuffs. 

Today’s and yesterday’s sketch:

This of course being Buff Monster and Frank Kozik inspired; and my Bose sound speaker I’ve been doing and my Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. Oh and the motorcycle license plate from Alaska. I had a Tupperware full of em mixed, here’s the reference: 

And then this was me and my McNugget kick of course. A packet of mayonnaise and a vinyl record, and the remote to the tv 

—/

Spent a good chunk of the day chatting with some potential dates. Mostly with a girl named Mxxxx, who is in a consensual non-monogamous marriage. She has kids also. It’s weird because she seems really into me and we are meeting tomorrow at 12:30pm. I’m excited to see what comes of this. 

-//

I’m  so excited about finding this Picasso print at goodwill today: 

Here it is hung up 

And here it was right before I stuck it in the car to take it home. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Mineral - one day when we are young 

Wizo - uuaarrgh!

Beck - morning phase 

MF DOOM - operation doomsday 

Tame impala 

Sheena Ringo (as suggested by Ebony who works at public storage)     

The octopus project 

Tame impala - lonerism 

Astronautica - Gemini 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV: 

Did a nice glam on ALC also

Purchases:

Bougie goodwill off Orlando ave in winter park:

Pocahontas toy 

Assorted comic books 

Picasso framed print 

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“Steady like a tricycle”

“Hoes get ripped off like Nicorette”

“Every day feels like an off day, with Ferris bueller”

mf doom

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.20.19

In line at Animal Kingdom helping my boy Orlando get in with his family.

I’m  parked in giraffe 41-49

It’s way too early for me to be awake. 

And I have to work. Aaaand I’m covering some lunch shift for my other boy Tom who has been feeling ill. 

—//

Did the animal kingdom thing. 

Did the afternoon lunch work thing. 

Got called off for dinner because it was slow apparently. 

Came home and let the roommate use her own car that I’ve been renting weekly. 

—

Still working on cleaning and bagging those 45s my mother left to me by way of Danielito

—

So, I would say it’s time for me to maybe make a shortlist of women I’m dating/working on dating. I’ve got a few hat I’ve closed already and some still in the works so let’s see here:

(shortlist omitted)

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Animal Kingdom

Listening to:

The octopus project - hello avalanche 

Hey Mercedes - ep

Hey Mercedes - everynight fireworks  

No doubt - tragic kingdom

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

McNuggets 

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.19.19

The last couple nights in a row, Yaqeen has called me and asked specifically what I have done to further the business, Deep Space Ventures. This is good and bad that the has asked me. Bad because I haven’t done jack shit; good because he is holding me accountable. And it is giving me a little hurt to not do anything. So I will have to forge ahead. He is trying to better himself and make me be better too. Good shit. 

—-

I go to Dunkin’ Donuts just about every day to get a coffee. I stare at these fucking donuts and contemplate ordering a dozen and saying fuck all to my diet. 

The moment had already passed. 

I have to say I feel like I’m doing ok with this ketogenic diet. 

—

Just saw a new white Honda Accord. Or was it a civic? Either way it reminded me of the second Amanda. Miss that chick too. 

Remind me to tell you about the second Amanda sometime. 

Sketch of the day:

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda 

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

The octopus project - hello avalanche  

The octopus protect - one ten hundred thousand million 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Action figures 

Lyric of the day:

“For all we know, these days are all numbered But things could get better I know Cause I'll be the first and the last one to go Lord it's a cruel, cruel world For all we know These days are all numbered And things will get better I hope Cause I'll be the first and the last one to go Lord it's a cruel, cruel world without love” 

- further seems forever 

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.18.19

Sketch of the day: I was doing laundry at a mat on Mills right there by colonial. The 7-Eleven recently closed down after being there for fucking  ever. So I sat there in between the wash and the dry.

I don’t know what I’m hoping to accomplish with these sketches other than practicing. I would like to get to a decent level. 

Something to do while I’m alive. 

It’ll come in handy when I start making the toys also. Good stuff for cardbacks 

—

Donated some more shit. Slowly clearing it out. Gonna list some 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Fail better heal faster 

ALL - problematic 

Rex Orange County - apricot princess 

Mineral - the power of failing 

Wings - Venus and Mars 

Sparklehorse - it’s a wonderful life 

J Dilla - welcome 2 Detroit 

JJ DOOM - Key to the kuffs

Duendita - direct line to my creator 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV 

Purchases:

Packages received: 

Mineral 25 years and new single

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“Slap my face, just to feel” - Jimmy Eat World 

“May all your days be gold my child” - Sparklehorse

“Come my beautiful alien, touch me with your light” - Weezer 

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.17.19

Sketch of the day locked in; I did Orko from masters of the universe, from the action figure I found yesterday:

And of course the source material

So I’m on my way to sketching I suppose. Leveling up my art abilities? 

—

Minus the bear farewell concert:

My brother and I caught MTB on their farewell tour in Tampa back in November I think it was? I’ll have to check the date. 

Anyway it was nice to spend time with him at a concert out and about. It was part of my attempt to stop being a dead beat sibling. 

He and I have seen them numerous times over the years. 

—

I ReDennised Andrea Zimmerman just now. Remind me to go and append the list.  Stuck on I-4 traffic on the way home from her place. 

My exit was closed for construction so I had to take a big ass detour. I dint even care but I thought it was notable. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

  Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

J Dilla - donuts

Jeff Rosenstock - worry 

Quasimoto - the further adventures of lord quas

AJJ - bible 2

Wings - at the speed of sound 

Ok go - ok 

Trent reznor - bird box original score 

Ok go - oh no

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Wheat grass juice powder 

Boston market 

 Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.16.19

The fucking stench of fake buttered popcorn. The Altamonte Springs mall. This is my current hip spot to hang out alone at. 

Escape as a coping mechanism. 

I pretend I’m just this guy who goes through life as an observer. Which I’m not really too far from pretending lately. 

—-

You only ever see kids with short haircuts. Short little asshole haircuts. 

—/

“Found a couple discounted figs,

Sat in the massage chair with no massage,

Renamed all the restaurants in the food court 'sugar',

Decided I want subscriptions to art and toy themed magazines,

And coffee. “ - excerpt of a text from Cxxxxxxxx asking me how the mall was. 

—-

Sketch of the day is done:

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Bomb the music industry - adults 

Bomb the music industry - get warmer 

The arrogant sons of bitches - The arrogant sons of bitches!

Fail better, heal faster 

Deftones - gore

The strokes - is this it

Jaylib - champion sound 

In my room Apple Music playlist 

Favorites playlist Apple Music 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/cucumber/lemon juice/stevia drink also been adding carrot and beet lately

Starbucks venti cold brew with heavy cream and an espresso shot

Chicken nuggets from McDonald’s 

Cauliflower Mac and cheese I made 

Top shoulder loin 

Shrimp on top

Playing:

FFXIV 

Purchases:

Super 7 Masters of the universe action figures:

Orko

Evil-Lyn

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“Mold and nice and stolen bikes

And a van everyone wants to break in to” - slumlord by bomb the music industry!

“Well I heard that you found somebody else 

At first I thought it was a lie” - the 1975

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.15.19

Fake funny depression. Meme depression. People taking some dark shit and slapping an out of context caption and making light of it. 

It’s not the worst idea. 

Yeah everything is shit sometimes but do I want to off myself because I don’t have a pile of money to sleep on? 

The answer is hell to the no. 

—-

Yaqeen set it up last night so I didn’t have to work today. Corporate is in town and I’m just avoiding it all haha. Next few days off also. So that’ll take care of that. 

What I need to do now is attempt to pick up at Yamasan just to have a couple extra bucks. 

Just spoke to tobin briefly; he is definitely up his girlfriends ass haha. I’m ok with it. I suppose it’ll do some good for him seeing as it’s been forever since he’s: a)had a girlfriend b) gotten laid on the reg. 

Also spoke to Frank; Microchip passed away very recently. His dog of 13 years or so. Back when Daylight District was  still in effect. 

Remind me to tell you about when I was in bands. 

—-

Naomi Singleton ‘broke up’ with me today. We only met the one time. After months of talking. She didn’t like being deceived by my fake age on Okc. Also she claims she broke out in cold sores after seeing me and kissing me. I’ve never had a single sore anywhere so unless I’m some wild carrier, she is mistaken. 

Her perception is her reality however. And I did burn her with the age thing. 

I’m considering putting my age to normal age. 

—

Made a first sketch today. The storage space wall and the table with some shit on it 

So hopefully I can try to do one a day for fun. I went to Michaels as well and picked up a few gel pens. 

Remind me to tell you where all my art supplies are. (Spoiler alert; they’re being held hostage by Axxxxx if she hasnt chucked em out. If anything she’s probably assimilated them into her own art shit. 

—-

Just saw a hotpot place I’ve never seen before here on kirkman. Instantly thought of going there with Axxxxx. I miss her.  

—

Went on a date 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

Spoke to Frank about letting him know what I’ve been up to

To discuss still: 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Ale house in Kirkman for a date 

Listening to:

PUP - PUP 

PUP - the dream is over 

PUP - kids (single off the new record)

Deadmau5 - for lack of a better name deadmau

Jeff Rosenstock - worry. 

Jeff Rosenstock - we cool? 

First Astronomical Velocity - galaxy one

NOFX - punk in drublic 

NOFX - Pump up the Valiuum

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

THE NEW PUP RECORD!! preorder 

A couple books from brightlight books

Van Gogh  in Arles 

Knuckleheads graphic novel 

The 100 best business books of all time 

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“The universe is unforgiving and a dick

So we’ll do our best to live” - fail better heal faster 

“ You know I’ve never been good at anything

Except for fuckin up and ruining everything” - PUP 

“We’re on an ultralight beam

This is a god dream” - Kanye West, life of Pablo 

Quote of the day: 

“I can turn you into poetry 

But I can’t make you love me” - fragment 5, weatheredwritings

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.14.19

Tokyo Elvis, who is one of my best friends, Frank Friend, who I have played in multiple bands with since we were 16-17. 

He wants me to undertake the tasks involving getting him booked in town and out. 

We’ve decided that the Comic-Con circuit would be a good fit for him. Also it would be for me as well in terms of getting a booth for the paulsstoragespace shit. 

So I’ve started the process of emailing various cons in town coming up 

—

Just saw a guy throw a rubber hammer at a peacock. A sentence I never thought I would say. 

—-

Like dead glow worms falling slowly through oil

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:  

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Bomb the music industry - vacation 

Fail better, heal faster 

Alpha male tea party - droids

Just friends - nothing but love 

Just friends - rock 2 the rhythm 

Cornelius - point 

Walter Ferguson - Babylon 

Darwin Deez - 10 songs that happened when you left me with my stupid heart 

Jeff Rosenstock - worry 

Jeff Rosenstock - we cool?

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Sleeves for paper money 

Sleeves for coins 

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“In truth, December destroyed me. January crushed me By February, I was not myself March rolled in like beatings and rolled out like a bear hug In April I stared out the window for a fucking month I don't want October. I don't want November I don't want to feel those crippling blows That I can't explain to myself, my friends or you So I soften them with hours of Nintendo”

-bomb the music industry 

“Loving you required ammunition” - Darwin Deez

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.13.19

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - worry. 

Killer Bee - Venus

Steffaloo - heart beats 

Lone - reality testing 

Fail better, heal faster 

Watching:

Ready player one 

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV 

Purchases:

100 record sleeves for 7 inch records

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“I came here with hope and I left with a smoking habit” - fail better, heal faster 

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.12.19

Spoke with yaqeen at ihop last night. He is trying to become the assistant general manager at STK. He was speaking to a couple of the top servers and more specifically Rob C, and rob was telling Yaqeen to cut ties with being friends with servers and more specifically me. 

Now yaqeen and I are boys at this point. So it ain’t happening. But it does sting a little to hear that I’m not very respected  in that sense. 

—

Made cauliflower Mac n cheese. It was pretty tasty for sure. Nice and Keto friendly. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

Emailed a few venues concerning playing: 

Herohype:

Emailed on 01.12.19

https://www.herohype.com

Omni fandom expo 

Emailed on 1.12.19

http://www.omniexpo.com

MyCon

https://mystic-con.com

Emailed on 01.12.19

To discuss still: 

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - worry. 

The presidents of the United States of America - S/t

The presidents of the United States of America - II

The cardigans - first band on the moon

Fail better, heal faster 

PUP - the dream is over 

Serengeti - Dennis 6E 

Ricky eat acid - talk to you soon

Rozwell kid - precious art 

Dorothy ashby - Afro harping 

Serengeti - kaleidoscope 2 ep

Serengeti - Dennehy

Atmosphere - sad clown bad summer 

  Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot 

wheat grass juice powder 

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/cucumber/lemon juice/stevia drink 

McDonalds 20 nuggets and a large Diet Coke ( this is the last time I swear )  

Cauliflower ‘man n cheese’ that I made

Playing:

FFXIV - got ALC up to 50, working on getting LTW up to 50 also

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“Superstar, I tried to educate your childish heart” - the cardigans 

“You said it best when you said I’m a mess” - Rozwell Kid 

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.11.19

Sitting here in Disney springs. I got here with an extra fifteen minutes or so; got a coffee and now I’m sitting on a bench watching people and life go by.  

Picking out the weirdos and watching them. And the eccentric girls, for some reason they just appeal to me so hard, more so than conventional hot girls. 

I need to make a move. 

—-

After hours. Waiting on yaqeen to show up at this Ihop. He and I haven’t had one of these in a while. Hopefully  he shows up haha. He said his phone was dying and he would meet me inside. 

What i did toward the business today:

Listening to Tony Robbins power to influence 

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Ihop with yaqeen 

Listening to:

Fail better, heal faster 

Angelo De Augustine - tomb

Bomb the music industry - vacation 

1997 - a better view of the rising moon  

Jeff Rosenstock - we cool?

Jeff Rosenstock - worry. 

Tobacco - sweatbox dynasty 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Been on a huge chicken nugget for McDonald’s kick. Large diet cokes also. While they aren’t totally killing the diet, it’s probably not the best. 

Tasted the Scallops special from work 

Playing:

Purchases:

From fye all 75% off

Star Wars black series - Poe Dameron

Star Wars black series -  Constable Zuvio

Pulp Fiction - Butch Coolidge, 8 inch tall approx

Super 7 Alien M.U.S.C.L.E. mini figs

From barnes and noble:

The new issue of Juxtapoz featuring Kaws on the cover

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“I wanna move to Japan 

And maybe I’ll understand 

What to do with my life” - fail better, heal faster 

Quote of the day: 

“I don’t want it now, I want it right now” - Robert Davis GM STK

8 ball questions and answers:

“Is Axxxxx gonna come back to me at some point?”

“Yes”

Hashtags: 

01.10.19

I’m on fucking autopilot. Just coasting through my days.  Get back on track you asshole. Don’t be an old server. Have more than one income. Get some fucking momentum going. 

How do I do this? What is my leverage to change? What will happen if I don’t do this? 

I need to stir up some hurt within myself. 

—-

How to innovate my way out of this? This place gives me no joy and therefore I am not giving it the attention it deserves. 

—

I’ve been sent to Starbucks by Greg the manager to get a hot chocolate for a guest. I’m on a party upstairs and I won’t be missed. He gave me his debit card. I flirted with the girl who took my order. She was receptive. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Coheed and Cambria - good Apollo, I’m burning star IV

1997 - a better view of be rising moon

Cashmere cat - 9

Tony Robbins - the power to influence 

Jeff Rosenstock - worry. 

PUP - the dream is over 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.09.19

What i did toward the business today:

Didn’t do a goddamn thing.  Need to get on it

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

Worked on the spam email 

To discuss still: 

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from? 

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Keep Shelly in Athens - 

Death cab for cutie - transatlanticism

Weezer - pacific daydream 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot 

Wheat grass juice powder 

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/lemon juice/stevia drink 

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“I wish the world was flat like the old days

And I could travel just by folding the map” - death cab for cutie 

“This is the sound of settling”  - death cab for cutie

“‘Perfect’ always takes so long, because it don’t exist” - Jeff Rosenstock 

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.08.19

Last night we had the STK makeup Christmas party for all the day-one-er’s. I almost didn’t go because I feel semi depressed and don’t wanna do shit all. 

So we went and it was small but lost of the OG hang was there. Yaqeen of course and the lot. 

We all just hung out drinking and roasting the shit out of each other. 

Yaqeen and I are the roastmasters. He and I started this shit as a nice way to keep morale in the building at STK. And boy has it worked nicely. 

Yaqeen told me the whole time I was away in Alaska that he kept the roasts alive. And my memory as well haha. Those were his words. 

So, every day is now an HR nightmare in the building but no one seems to mind at all. I work the raunchiest coolest people ever. I would hang out with any of them outside of work. 

So yeah the roast is strong with all of us. I swear if we all quit the restaurant biz and write comedy, we could get famous. 

So as roastmasters, Yaqeen and I are the only two who can promote any of these jabronis trying to level up. They gotta be coming correct on the daily with hot roasts. And then when they fire of a real hum dinger of a zinger, based on the laughter of yaq and myself and any audience in attendance, that person will be leveled up immediately. 

It’s fun. I love playing games all day every day. 

—-

Been burning oil and smoking flower every day since I’ve been back to Orlando. 

I don’t want to say it unmotivates me because I do get things done, just at a slower pace. I’m on weed time. 

—

I’m hanging  with Cxxxxxxxx outside of this McDonalds here:

228 S Orlando Ave

Maitland, FL  32751

United States

Called her up randomly to see how she was. Her stomach is tied up in knots over a boy she is also seeing. 

You know, I’ve evolved into this person who isn’t jealous and just experiences women/ people as they are. I always say that some of my best relationships are been non-relationships: people I see when I see em, and we are both ok with it. 

I don’t know how I got this way but here I am. 

 Where did I go askew with the way I view relationships? And by that I just mean the non traditional way people view things.  

To be discussed later I suppose. 

So yeah Cxxxxxxxx is soaring for food from McDonalds. 

 What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from? 

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Fail Better, heal faster 

Weezer - death to false metal 

The strokes - room on fire 

HUM - you’d prefer an astronaut 

Maritime - we the vehicles 

Fishbone - give a monkey a brain and hell swear 

Living colour 

Portishead - third 

Watching:

Johnny mnemonic 

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“If I am feeling wacky, I think I might

Drink a quart of vodka

Spend the night down in the gutter” - Weezer

“What if the day had stayed in bed?” - Foo Fighters 

“All the boys with directionless hair are rough 

Languorous girls in undertaker makeup” - maritime 

“The busy sisters stunning, won’t she be stunned 

 By the infinite parade of punk rock t shirts” - maritime 

Quote of the day: 

“Electrons take up less space, so..” - Cxxxxxxxx’s roommate on digitizing pictures

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.07.19

Becoming awesome.. hmm I still haven’t done that yet. Havent been doing much of shit lately. How do I get back on track?

The answer is to just do the damn thing. 

whats my motivation? Good question to ask. 

I don’t want to be an old server. And its weird because chronologically I am 38 but I don’t feel like that. A bit odd I suppose to think about. 

so, whats the fix? Slowly work on becoming awesome. By the time I know it ,i’ll be there. But this is only going to come about through working every day toward things. I tell people all the time to just get 1% better every day, and here I am not doing that. 

I need to implement all the advice I’ve been handing out. 

That being said, what can I  work on today toward becoming awesome?

What are some things I want to accomplish? Well lemme refer myself to the giant 18 month plan I have set up

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I  cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Serengeti - kaleidoscope 2 ep

Fail better, heal faster - s/t

Panuccis pizza - don’t tip the delivery boy 

Panuccis pizza - All of my friends are familiar and the steps I took to realize this 

Tigers Jaw - s/t

Halsey - Badlands 

Jeff Rosenstock - worry. 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot 

wheat grass juice powder 

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/lemon juice/stevia drink 

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“I fell in love with your face so much, that it behooves me to look away” - Serengeti 

“You can take what’s in my head; I don’t want it” - Fail better, heal faster

Quote of the day: 

"Vision without execution is hallucination" - Thomas Edison

“Stop selling: start solving and serving” - 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.06.19

I keep trying to order the Downward is Heavenward vinyl reissue but it sells out immediately. Short story is, it’s just the singer from the now defunct band HUM, is releasing the reissue in pieces, cause he’s just one guy. 

—-

Bagged up the Star Wars power of the force cardbacks in clear pages for a three ring binder 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:  

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I  cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Cky - the Phoenix 

Ozma - Pasadena 

Chrome sparks - goddess ep

HUM - downward is heavenward

Jeff Rosenstock - worry. 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“You can’t exist In the world, without being a part of the world, and somehow that’s comforting, when you’re not where you want to be.” -ozma

“And she got me high, 

And I barely noticed there were tears in her eyes. 

And I miss you less and less every day,

It’s true the whiskeys gone and washed you away” - Margot and the nuclear so and sos 

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.05.19

So I’ve been in Orlando for a couple months at this point. Back from my 6 month detour to Alaska. 

Feels like I never left. 

I don’t know if that’s a good statement or a bad one. 

—

Bagged up some Buff Monster mini ice cream toys today. Been working on getting everything in plastic bags. Also I will start to labelling shit I want to get rid of with prices. 

This is a little momentum toward having a booth at a con somewhere. 

The real

Momentum would be to get a list of cons and then start spamming them for Frank and Tokyo Elvis and also for myself 

—

Right, so coming back to Orlando. Not bad but it’s just me back in the same groove. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Back to Orlando 

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I  cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Toadies - rubberneck 

Weezer - Pinkerton 

Weezer pacific daydream

Queens of the Stone Age - songs for the day

Soundgarden - down on the upside

cky - infiltrtate destroy rebuild

Watching:

The Crow on bluray

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“Through the ages, we got stupid, and now we must repent” - Toadies 

“She never gets wet; she smiles and it’s a rainbow” - Ben folds 

“I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat” - death cab for cutie 

“These things don’t belong

On my list at all” - cky

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.04.19

So I’m working last night (At STK if no one has been following) and I get a text from Naomi Singleton (now this is not the same Naomi who is Axxxxx cousin who I was messaging and Axxxxx got wind of it and ended things with me once again)

She was in Disney springs. I work in Disney springs. 

So she hits me up asking what I’m doing after work; I say probably heading home, and she goes: orrrr you can hang out with me in Disney springs. 

So we met for the first time, right in front of STK, by the bridge.  

Very nice chemistry. 

So we walked through the springs a little. Hugged and held hands. I sat her down on a bench behind house of blues 

—-

What makes me follow the rules one day and disregard them the next? 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Back to Orlando 

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I  cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Weezer - Hurley 

Foo Fighters - there is nothing left to lose 

Local H - as good as dead

Local H - hey, killer 

Watching:

22 jump street on bluray

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“Hang on til the break of the day” - Weezer 

“I’m falling in love.. what was your name?” - Weezer 

“Lately I’ve been feeling better

Wish I could stay sick with you” - Foo Fighters 

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.03.19

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Back to Orlando 

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I  cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Bombadil - hold on

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.02.19

Tina Watkins comes back tonite. I hope she’ll let me use her car carte Blanche. She is defiantly motivated by  money so an extra hundo a week should do the trick. 

So, however long it takes for me to get my income tax money back, I’m getting a vehicle. It blows not having one. 

—-

Taking a break from the space for food and mail and maybe big lots for some shit 

—-

Moved some good stuff around in the space. Those three bookshelves (one of the four didn’t make it) are really helping me maximize the Howard space in there. 

—

I have to leave to pick Tina up now from the airport. Well, it was nice having the place to myself. 

—- 

So I sorted the car out with Tina, I’ll pay her and will use the car as I have been. Once I get that income tax return I’m gonna get a vehicle dammit. 

 Bagged up what loose Dunnys I had in a Tupperware 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Back to Orlando 

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I  cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Jason’s deli

Big lots 

My storage space of fucking course 

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - worry

Cosmo’s midnight - what comes next 

Scott pilgrim vs. the world original score 

Red animal war - breaking in an angel 

Bjork - post 

Bjork - debut 

Chrome sparks - chrome sparks 

Fishbone - gift a monkey a brain and he’ll swear he’s the center of the universe 

Watching:

Trainwreck on Blu-ray  

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Sandwich bags for toys 

Irving stickers 

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“born as a data mine for targeted marketing,  no one will listen up until you become a hashtag or a meme” - Jeff Rosenstock 

“Let’s just drink and fuckin be alive, not just survive” - NOFX 

“Give me something beautiful; I’ll believe your lies” - Red Animal War

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.01.19

Made out with a girl from my table last night. She was 23 I believe. She was with her parents and already drunk due to New Year’s Eve festivities. She and I were vining to the point where I caught her coming out of the bathroom and asked if she wanted to kiss at 12. She said she was trying to get a kiss right now, and then we did. And it was pretty on all night after that. A few more random stolen makeouts, and then got her number before we left. She was gonna ditch her parents at some point and wait for me after work, but surely she passed out. Let’s hope I hear from her today.  

—-

“I don’t even have an emotional attachment to that particular Nintendo” - me on a garbage Nintendo I just donated. 

—-

Holy shit I’m leaving target and can smell the Pizza Hut style pizza they got going on in there and it’s really making me crave it. This keto shit has been going on for two and a half months at this point. Maybe I organize some manner of cheat meal. 

—

Seeing Galina at the hospice her father is. It won’t be long for him now. 

—-

Cxxxxxxxx came over tonite. Haven’t seen her since before Christmas. I gave her her birthday present that I picked up for her. We hung out at ale house for a drink and then came back this way. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Back to Orlando 

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I  cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Target haha. Too high and only got a couple random things. 

Listening to:

Hum - you’d prefer an astronaut 

Swervedriver - mezcal head

Watching:

Scott Pilgrim vs the world 

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Stranger things action figure on discount 

Scott pilgrim on Blu-ray 

BAMF score (I had a $75 store credit from trading in some Star Wars shit earlier last week):

Star Wars Han Solo vintage action figure

Ultraman fig

A couple Japanese older model kits 

Packages received: 

Star Wars power of the force bulk cardback set

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“Every color mixed together

Will make another, in my reality” - Basenji

Quote of the day: 

“You punched me in the boob; prepare to die obviously” - Scott pilgrim vs the world 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: