#i’m excited �� but for now i shut my google doc and get ready for bed

[warmsol]

fuck it no one asked but after much consideration i’m gonna post lune prologue excerpts whenever i feel like it. won’t be a whole story, i swear.. just pieces of elia’s lore here and there in story form.

[slttygeto]

༉‧₊˚. PLAYLIST

༉‧₊˚. episode 07: off the table

preview: ". . . Now as he stands in your apartment, he realizes that no amount of protection was enough to keep you away from Hanma’s venomous grip. He was intoxicating and once he sinks his fangs into you, there is no way out. The rough love bites were an indication of that. . ."

content warning: smut! dirty talk, hair pulling, fingering, handjobs, pronebone!! (she's a filthy one), mention of abandonment issues.

word count: 5k

➜ ┊: @softshuji @mitsuwuyaa @kariatenoh @reiners-milkbiddies @citrusteaa@bejeweled-night-33

➜ MASTERLIST

➜ note: the google doc file for this fanfic has officially reached 100 pages woohoooo 🥳🩷 im actually very excited because this is where the story picks up and starts to get a little saucyyyy 😋🙌🏻btw, ex boyfriend reveal!! had to include the fan favorite, the fandom's boyfriend: mitsuya takashi himself🙂‍↕️and sorry to disappoint yall, chifuyu is just our friend, he doesn't wanna get in our pants. anywayyy can't wait for the next chapter hehe🥰

༉‧₊˚. reblog + comment!

“Chifuyu,” you sound out of breath. Hair disheveled and such choice of clothing confirms to the man that you hadn’t intended for anyone to visit you this time of the night. You stare back at the man, hair now dyed jet black and sporting a very fancy suit, and it dawns on you how long you haven’t seen him. 

An entire decade.

Chifuyu didn’t intend for the two of you to separate this way, but clearly he had no choice but to keep you away from Toman’s nasty business (something Hanma failed to do). When he first heard that you were going to move away for your studies, he was sad and the two of you cried as you hugged at the train station with your boyfriend by your side. He remembers the man you used to date and feels his heart sink. 

“Can we talk?” 

What’s up with men from your past showing up at your door? Not that you mind Chifuyu’s presence, a part of you was still mad that he had lied for all these years about his whereabouts. He doesn’t have to tell you for you to figure it out, the way he fiddles with his thumbs and avoids your eyes as you lead him inside says it all.

“So?”

“What are you doing?” Chifuyu jumps straight to the point, and you’re a bit taken aback by how alarmed he sounds. “With Hanma what are you– this isn’t right, you know that?”

“Oh I’m sorry, did you come here to lecture me? It’s been 10 years, Chifuyu!” you cross your arms over your chest, heat rising to your face. “You lied about where you were and you lied about being with Toman–”

“For a good cause!” Chifuyu’s volume rises and you scoff. “You had to stay away from Toman’s business.”

“Why does everyone think it’s okay for them to decide how I get to live my life?” you question bitterly and Chifuyu’s lips are sealed shut. “I mean really–first Ran and Rindou, then Hanma comes back and he’s acting all mysterious and now you?”

“You can get hurt.”

“I don’t care.” You spit out venomously. “You have no idea how isolating it feels to watch everyone around you distance themselves from you thinking it will protect you. All it did was make me scared to try to make friends.”

Truth be told, it wasn’t just Chifuyu or your brothers or even Hanma that you were mad about. Not their absence, or their lies or their futile attempts to shelter you from a familiar life of crime and violence –you were bitter about where you had ended up, what you could’ve had with your previous lover that went so badly even you couldn’t recover from it. 

When you moved away for your studies, your relationship with your brothers had already been strained, broken even. They had betrayed your trust in irreconcilable ways, so you turned to the one person you loved so much. You loved and cherished him, you were ready to offer up your heart to him as he whispered promises of a happy family in the near future, with a big house and a pretty garden where you'd water the plants and harvest some vegetables. Then he’d come home and he would show you the latest piece of clothing he had designed for you. You’d wear it happily and show it off to him as he gave you a look mixed with adoration and lust. He promised that he would fill your tummy to the brim, that he would fuck a baby into you as many times as you wanted. It was a shared dream of yours.

Perhaps it was too good to be true. 

That man switched up on you overnight–because of a project that had been consuming him for a month straight, he wasn’t able to spend time with you anymore. Becoming a fashion designer was everything to Mitsuya Takashi. Unfortunately, he wasn’t going to let anything hold him back even if it was a partner. 

You had been in a long, six year relationship when Mitsuya started to put more distance between the two of you, prioritizing his projects over date nights and coming home very late at night after events and gatherings. And every time you tried to talk to him about it–about your relationship–you were met with nothing but a look of exhaustion and disdain. The warmth he once had for you was gone and was soon replaced by a cold, distant look. His touch no longer lingered against your skin during the early hours of the morning, sex had become a chore to the same man who would spend hours making love to you under the moonlight. 

That’s when you realized that perhaps, it was time to part ways. 

It wasn’t easy at all–you cried in his arms and he apologized for not being able to keep his promise of the perfect family the two of you were once eager to have. And before the two of you could part ways, you watched as the man reached for his neck to unclasp the jewelry wrapped around it. Stepping behind you, he wrapped the necklace around your neck and the two of you shared one last warm look, filled with the love you will always have for one another.

“Keep this. Maybe we’ll meet again one day.” 

One day turned into six years of not seeing the lavender haired man. Six years of praying and hoping for something, anything. To no avail. You hadn’t even heard of him on the news, nor were you able to find any of his works anywhere and it broke your heart at the thought of him moving out of the country completely. To think that he needed to change his entourage in order to see some growth–you hope that you weren’t the type of girlfriend to try to grab his wings and pin him to the ground. 

Chifuyu had been watching you this whole time. He had been watching your every move, ensuring your safety without having to approach you or so much as get out of his car. He knew of your breakup with Mitsuya, and all he could think of was the last conversation you had with him before moving away for your studies.

“I can’t wait to marry him,” there was a slight blush to your cheeks. Mitsuya had really been the boyfriend to you and Chifuyu could feel the love pouring out of you. “He’ll be such a good dad.” 

To say that you were broken after the relationship had ended was an understatement. You didn’t go to work for a week. 

But Chifuyu couldn’t approach you still–and all he could do was watch and pray that you take care of yourself and find a way to lift yourself back up.

So it’s safe to say that when Chifuyu heard that Hanma found you, he was enraged. Toman was used to Chifuyu’s calm and collected demeanor–a false facade he had learned to put up in order to get on Kisaki’s good side which helped him a lot. As he approached the man’s office, he could hear a second man’s voice and quickly recognized it to be Hanma’s.

“So what is this about?” Chifuyu doesn’t care that he is interrupting something as he knocks. He waits for Kisaki to tell him to come in and pushes the door open. Hanma’s back is facing him as he sits on the chair and Chifuyu stands near the door with his hands behind his back.

“Kokonoi said that the report concerning his IT business is taking too long due to a bug in the system.” The dark haired man speaks in a monotone voice, his body unmoving. He’s clearly not happy to be here, but he has to do it for his job.

Chifuyu can’t see what’s happening from his position, but he notices that Hanma places a picture on Kisaki’s desk before leaning back in his chair. 

“You found her?” 

Her. It could be so many people–this girl Kisaki had been stalking, or maybe one of the strippers that had escaped Hanma’s club due to the poor treatment by nasty and rude customers. Nothing could’ve prepared him for the bomb that was about to drop.

“She’s back in Shinjuku.”

“(Name). What was her last name again?” Kisaki brings your picture closer to his face, inspecting and analyzing every feature on your face, down to the way you got dressed. 

“Used to be Haitani. Changed it after her brothers got involved in some weird, shady business.” 

Chifuyu’s body tenses up when the two men mention your name. He’s managed to keep you away from this mess for years now, yet his plan was coming crashing down from a single interaction with Hanma Shuji. The dark haired man was terrified that Hanma was after you just for fun, that his attempts at protecting you would fail now that the tall, tattooed man was back in your life. 

“And? What do you wanna do now?” Kisaki puts the picture away and starts to rummage through papers in his drawers, he doesn’t lift his gaze as he continues. “Do you want the men to take her away or?”

No no no–Chifuyu can’t let that happen. He can’t and won’t let anyone hurt you. His fists clench on his sides, body tensing up. Then he notices. Hanma had gone eerily silent instead of doing his usual, insane laugh. 

Kisaki seems to realize the same thing. Sensing the tall man’s silence, Tetta raises his eyes and notices the deadly look on Hanma’s face. Had it not been Kisaki, a man who’s known him for years and was desensitized to his glares, he would’ve most likely fallen from his chair. His eyes were devoid of any playfulness, and Tetta doesn’t miss the way his jaw clenches. 

“No. I don’t want any of them near her.”

Chifuyu still wasn’t able to trust him. It had never been easy to do so, a man as dangerous as Hanma was as unpredictable as a wild card in the deck. Had his intentions been clear, Matsuno wouldn’t feel the need to watch your every move even closer since that day. 

Now as he stands in your apartment, he realizes that no amount of protection was enough to keep you away from Hanma’s venomous grip. He was intoxicating and once he sinks his fangs into you, there is no way out. The rough love bites were an indication of that. 

Flustered and perhaps feeling as though he was being creepy, he looks away from your neck and watches as you cover yourself more with your robe. You noticed. 

“It was to protect you.” Chifuyu’s voice is soft like butter. He doesn’t have it in him to argue with you, he doesn’t want to argue with you he just– 

He misses you so much and it was driving him crazy that he held himself back for all these years, and all it took for Hanma was to see you once at a metro station and he was back in your life. It just wasn’t fair. 

Losing Baji had taken a toll on Chifuyu’s mental and physical well being. You were worried about the boy and you voiced it out many times to Mitsuya when the two of you went out to get him a couple of snacks as well as some food for his cat. 

It was that worry that made the two of you as close as ever even if your friendship was very short lived before you packed your things and moved away. Luckily enough, Takemichi was in the picture and you had nothing to worry about this time. 

Still, it doesn’t change the fact that everything Chifuyu has done was to protect you. Even if it meant hurting himself in the process. 

“It’s dangerous, Toman.” He speaks lowly as he takes a seat on your couch. “It’s not like how it used to be.”

“I know.” you admit, voice as small as ever. Chifuyu doesn’t want to know how you found out, but he quickly realizes it has something to do with Hanma and sighs deeply. 

“Did you ever think it would get this bad?” you ask, taking a seat next to the man who can only sigh and run a hand through his hair. 

“I…would like to say no, but things have changed a lot. Mikey is different, people are different–money made them…disgusting.” You remember your first encounter with Hanma. The fancy clothes, expensive shoes and watches didn’t draw a smile on his face. He looked bored out of his mind, like he wanted something to happen in his life and the expression on his face when he realized that he had finally found you after so many years of not seeing you, felt like the first time that man had used his face muscles to smile. 

So yeah, Toman was different. 

The two of you sit in silence. It’s a comfortable one this time, like a silence between songs–you get to sit and process what you had just listened to and your brain is trying to make sense of everything all at once. But it doesn’t pain you, nor does it leave a heavy feeling behind. You sit there next to your friend from your teenage years and you don’t feel the need to pretend to be anything else. You can be yourself around Chifuyu, even after so many years.

“So,” Chifuyu is the first to break the silence, turning his head as he rests it on the couch. He stares at you with those eyes that mirror a winter sky. “Hanma Shuji, huh?”

Despite his disappointment and perhaps even anger, the man doesn’t miss an opportunity to tease you. You flush at the tone of his voice and look away, completely flustered.

“We don’t have to talk about anything.”

“Is he really that good?” he continues to tease you, narrowing his eyes at you when your jaw drops and you can’t hide that your face was in flames.

“Can we not! Yes, he’s good and we’re two adults having fun.”

“Yeah,” his eyes shift to the love bites on your skin and the state of your disheveled hair. “You’re having a lot of fun.

“Please shut up.” you sigh deeply as you sink on the couch. “He’s actually a pain in the ass.”

“I’m sure he’s a pain in your ass–”

“Seriously!” you cover your face. “...I don’t care. As long as I get some action, I guess.” 

“Now that I’m thinking about it, he’s been less annoying lately,” Chifuyu admits. “Don’t get me wrong, he gets on everyone’s nerves–.” typical Hanma. “--but he’s been different lately.”

“Different?”

You can’t deny that this has piqued your curiosity. What Hanma was to you wasn’t the same to everyone else–you’ve known the man as a teenager and meeting him again as an adult, you realize you may have missed the most formative years of his life—the years that shaped him through struggles and hardships, leaving him the monotone, robotic, and emotionless man he is today. 

Toman knew an entirely different version, so a small shift in his behavior is easily noticeable. 

Chifuyu recalls an incident that happened three nights ago that really solidified to him that there might be something going on with the tall man. Hanma had walked inside the Toman headquarters all wet and disheveled. Not the kind that would leave you wondering if the criminal had sex. It had been pouring outside for hours on no end, and Chifuyu narrows his eyes when he sees Shuji’s wet clothes–however, he doesn’t seem annoyed. He calmly walks towards the front desk where he asks the receptionist (and his personal assistant when he is having a good day) where his bag of spare clothes was. The assistant, clearly taken aback, leads him towards a giant closet and hands him his bag. 

“Thanks.” The tattooed man mutters to the assistant who stands there frozen and shocked. 

Did Hanma just… thank him? 

Even Chifuyu couldn’t believe his own eyes and ears. 

“Yeah. A good type of different.” The dark haired male’s hand reaches up to ruffle your hair, a habit he couldn’t get rid of (not that you minded) then pushes himself off the couch.

“Well…I’m glad it didn’t go that bad.” 

“It could’ve, had I not missed you so much.” You say in a small voice and Chifuyu’s heart breaks a little. 

“Sorry…” 

“Oh it’s fine, I’m used to people leaving.” You try to lighten up the mood, but Chifuyu can tell that this wasn’t a joke to you. The thought of people leaving you was terrifying, but you always managed to find a way to brush it off as nothing but an overreaction. 

“I won’t lea–”

“Don’t.” A hand rests on Chifuyu’s shoulder, and all he can do is stare at you. He feels the small tremble in your hand, and he can read your mind. He knows what you mean. 

You don’t want empty promises.

“Okay.” He whispers in return, resting his hand on top of yours. “I got it.” 

—

Just how busy can a criminal’s life be in a city like Tokyo? Well, it depends. If you were to ask Chifuyu, he would tell you that it was very busy–hopping from one meeting to another, helping manage businesses and attending opening nights and events. Kisaki would say the same, although with the help of his assistant, it feels less hectic and suffocating. And the same goes for every man in Toman. 

Everyone but a certain tall man. 

Hanma’s specialty was torture. His skill relies on methodically, agonizingly breaking a person’s mind and body until they were reduced to an empty shell. He took pride in the way he unraveled them, a twisted thrill evident in his blown-out pupils—enjoying the process far more than any normal person ever would. So missions were a fun part of Shuji’s job. 

Until they aren’t, and he has to request for Kisaki to push them back a day or two.

“What?” Kisaki’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean you can’t do it today?”

“Exactly what it means.” Hanma says in a breathy voice, and Kisaki sighs at the end of the line. 

“Do I even have to ask why?”

When the tall man laughs, Kisaki’s face twists with disgust. He recognizes that laugh, it was an indicator that Hanma had simply found something far more entertaining than his missions–which was rare to say the least. But he continues to laugh, before heaving out a long, content sigh. 

“Oh man,” a tattooed hand brushes the skin of your exposed back, a small meek noise escapes your swollen lips at the touch. “Not sure if I can answer that.” The same tattooed hand then fists your hair and he pulls harshly until your neck is craned at an uncomfortable angle. You try to shoot him a glare, but he pushes his cock deeper and you find yourself biting down on your bottom lip to suppress your noises. 

“Bye.” You hear Kisaki hanging up on the other line and look over your shoulder. 

“You’re insufferable!” Shuji is amused by the glare you send him, tugging at your hair so that your back is now pressed against his chest. 

“I get that often.” You hear the grin in his voice, lips pressed against your ear as he whispers hotly into it. After a beat of silence, Hanma’s hips slam against your ass and your jaw falls open. 

“F-Fuck!” you cry out. Shuji’s free hand then goes around your body to grope your boobs, slapping them as he continues to fuck into you hard. Desperately, you dig your nails into his forearm for support and gasp when the hand travels down to your clit. 

Your head now rests fully against his shoulder, body twitching and trembling as he continues to thrust into you while rubbing the sensitive bud. 

Hanma loved seeing you like this. Not your usual, bratty self who refused to even glance his way–turning you into putty on his cock was something he took pride in, and he couldn’t deny that the more the two of you fucked, the more addicted he became. 

A week into your agreement with him, and you had been bent over every surface of your apartment.

First was your couch. Hanma insisted that he wanted to replace the memory of him getting cockblocked by your cat with a nice one. You forgot that the man’s sheer strength was enough to send you reeling, and he wasn’t able to control himself as he snapped his hips against your ass cheeks until the couch had moved spots.

“S-Slow down–!” you tried to beg, powerless as he held your wrists behind your back and pushed your face into the cushion of the couch. Your pussy was squeezing him too tightly for him to think of anything but letting you milk him dry.

“Can’t do t-that doll.” hearing the small stutter in his voice has your stomach fluttering. His fingers dig into your skull as he pushes your face deeper into the couch, muffling any of your noises as he thrusts harder and deeper into you. 

Your kitchen counter was next.

The small, crowded space of your kitchen was Hanma’s least favorite spot in your apartment. You shoot him yet another one of your signature glares as he voices his displeasure, and watch as amusement paints his features.

“Small ass kitchen you got here.”

“Not your first time being here.” You try to focus on the food you’re stirring in the pot, and not Hanma’s body towering over yours from behind. 

“Anybody fucked ya here before?” His hands grip your waist, pinning you in place and the hand that’s not busy stirring the food grips his forearm. 

“Yes Hanma. I am not a virgin.” But given the redness of your face, you might as well be one.

“Oh really? Who was it?”

“You don’t have to know!” 

“I gotta know if he was good. Did he make you cum?” You gasp when his hand slides inside your pants, fingers grazing the tuft of pubic hair covered by your panties. 

“I-I’m cooking–”

“Did he use his fingers like this?” You feel pathetic as your hand drops the wooden spoon to grip the kitchen counter, body bending forward when the rough pads of his fingers find your clit and start to rub it in circles. He moves further down, collecting some of your arousal before smearing it all over your sensitive bud. 

“Stop talking.” You say through gritted teeth, but your hard exterior soon melts away when he pushes his middle and ring finger into your pussy. He doesn’t start slow, nor does he give you time to get used to the sheer size of him as he starts pistoning his fingers into you. Groaning at the feeling of your snug walls gripping his fingers, he buries his face in your neck and pushes you closer to him. You’re reeling at the pleasure, unable to muffle your noises and you would’ve melted to the ground had his arm not been wrapped so tightly around your middle. 

As payback, you give him a handjob on your couch. 

It’s not that often where you don’t stare at your sexual partners while pleasuring them, but eye contact with Hanma was intense. It felt too…nerve racking for the two of you. So you sit next to him, blanket draped over your laps as your spit covered hand grips his cock. You move it up and down, stroking in the same motion that has the man’s head thrown over the back of the couch and his jaw going slack. From the corner of your eye, you see his reddened cheeks and his furrowed eyebrows and squeeze your own thighs. You ignore the flutter in your stomach, thumbing at his tip and removing the blanket when he starts to buck up his hips, fucking into your hand. 

And since you don’t want to make a mess, you wrap your lips around his dick and let him cum down your throat. 

“Holy shit,” he says, out of breath. You still refuse to stare at him as you wipe your mouth and grab the remote control to press play again. 

Friends with benefits. That’s what the two of you are. 

So you don’t expect special treatment as he batters your cunt with his mean cock, nor do you wait for him to caress your body and whisper sweet nothings into your ear after slapping your boobs so painfully. You like that. You like how mean he is and it’s fucking with your head.

The louder you get, the easier it is for Hanma to fuck into you–arousal is dripping down your thighs, and the sound of skin slapping bounced off the walls of your bedroom. You can’t hide how horny you were, or just how good he was making you feel. All you can do in response to his hypnotizing thrusts is grip his skin and leave your own marks. A way to show that he was yours for the night, even if he were to leave after this and go fuck someone else. 

“I-I’m cumming,” you gasp, sounding desperate and clearly not in control of your own volume and voice. Your brain feels fuzzy from all the pleasure, Hanma lets go of your hair and pushes you down until you are on all fours. You’re bent over so perfectly for him that a quiet curse escapes his lips. “S-Shuji, I’m cumming–” not Hanma, not asshole. Shuji. 

You’re not sure what kind of noises you’re making, but it sounds so pathetic and whiny that it sends the tall man behind you over the edge. However, you make the mistake of looking over your shoulder and the sight that greets you makes your stomach flip. 

A sweaty, red faced Hanma is fucking you so eagerly, hypnotized by the recoil of your ass that he forgets to close his mouth. Fucked out is the best way to describe him. A man who is usually either so amused by others’ discomfort and pain, wearing such a pornographic expression makes you grip the bed sheets and moan loudly as you cum all over his cock. 

He lets you ride out your orgasm, gripping your ass cheek and kneading the skin before delivering a harsh smack to it as he picks up his pace until he is emptying himself inside your warm walls. Leaning over, he presses his lips against the skin of your shoulders before asking. 

“You...You aren’t fucking anyone else, right?” 

“You’re asking that now?” After fucking me and cumming inside me so much? 

Obviously you’re not fucking anyone else!

“Just answer.” He demands with a slap to your clit that has you squealing, trapped under the weight of his body.

“N-No!” 

“Good.” His chin rests comfortably on your shoulder, and he places both hands on either side of your bodies as he presses his body weight against yours. “Good fucking girl.”

Not sure what he would’ve done had you said yes. 

“What?” You’re in a haze, but you still manage to catch bits of what he says and Hanma chuckles to himself.

“Don’t worry.”

“No, you said someth–ah!” your jaw goes slack when he starts to fuck you into the mattress. This position allows him to trap you beneath him with so much ease, until you have no choice but to take his cock and blabber nonsense into the pillow.

“Focus baby girl,” his teeth nip at your earlobe as he sinks his cock again into your cunt “I’m not done with ya.” 

Guilt is a weak emotion. Fear, anger and even jealousy are much stronger and can affect someone greatly. If consumed by any of the aforementioned, you’ll find out that sleep doesn’t come to you easily. 

Insomnia has followed Hanma Shuji his entire life. There hasn’t been a day where he slept through the night without being woken up in cold sweat and a loud gasp, or without feeling the need to reach for the nearest weapon to him. But as he lays next to you at 3 O’clock in the morning, he starts to question what triggers his insomnia. He’s never felt guilty after a mission, anger only consumed him if someone betrayed him–that leaves out jealousy. 

His golden eyes land on your worn out, sleeping figure. He chuckles as he notices your furrowed eyebrows, and his hand starts to move towards your face before freezing. What is he doing? He pulls his hand away, eyes drifting towards your exposed chest before pulling up the covers. He sees the pendant of the necklace resting comfortably around your neck and suddenly feels the need to fix it. Before his hand can reach for the jewelry, your fingers grip it protectively and you pull the covers tightly around your body. 

Hah. What’s that about? 

“No,” his ears perk up when he hears your sleepy voice mumble into your pillow. “..not..go.”

Not go? 

You were obviously talking in your sleep. It wasn’t supposed to make sense. 

“Don’t..go.” Sleepiness is replaced with distress. “..kashi.” 

Hanma scoffs. Honestly, that’s all he can do in such a situation. After fucking you into a deep slumber, you still manage to mumble another man’s name in your sleep. Which was completely fucking fine of course, you weren’t his and he wasn’t yours. 

Friends with benefits. That’s what the two of you agreed on.

༉‧₊˚. interested in commissioning me? if not, leave a ko-fi!

2024 © all works belong to @slttygeto. do not repost, translate or steal any of my works.

[whatyadrawin]

The Fruit After The Flesh 18+ -Chapter 14

Minors DNI!

Masterlist

Approximately 4,989 words

Pairing: Thomas Hewitt (Headcanon) x AFAB reader

This chapters Warnings:  Sexual language and depiction of sexual acts, foul language, brief PTSD scene, mention of reproductive choices. This is Slasher smut, be mindful of that and use your discretion.

A/n: See the end of chapter for a special authors note since I dont want to spoil anything here. I feel pretty good about this chapter, the art has some sloppy work because I was passing out while working on them so please be nice, I hope theres no typos or weirdness in the edited writing either because I was also passing out for that. The censored image can be viewed raw on my google doc (By clicking that link you are consenting to seeing graphic adult imagery and you are over 18). Let me know if you want to be in the tag list. I update chapter progress on the masterlist whenever something changes.

Please enjoy this chapter! I worked very hard on it so reblogs, comments, and likes are appreciated very much.

Tag List: @fan-goddess , @artxasa , @baybaybear1 , @amour-tae , @dij-ology , @jillian-mill

Chapter 14

                The day started with you getting a phone call from the contractor, he informed you that your house was fully repaired and ready to move back into; You immediately got changed and walked over, highly excited to see the finished work. You arrived quickly, opening the heavy wooden door where the smell of fresh paint and new wood filled your lungs. The sun’s rays lit up the rooms giving the home a cheery appearance, as if it was happy to see you.

You slowly made your way through the entrance to head straight for your room, when you passed through the doorway you felt a knot form in your stomach, the memory of the fire was making you feel fear as if you were experiencing it all over again. You let the anxiety hit you to really feel the emotions fully, you figured if you could handle the ghost of the past then you could strive to overcome it.

Within a few short moments, the feeling passed but the cortisol surge remained. You left the bedroom and sat on the couch in the living room exhaling deeply as you reclined. You looked out at the large storage container that you had yet to completely empty, it was costing you to keep it on the property and felt like a constant reminder of how new you still were to this country.

The entire day was spent emptying out the storage crate to fill up your home. Extra clothes and furniture found their place in every corner of the house, by nightfall you managed to get your bedroom and bathroom to look mostly normal again. The fire destroyed your bed and stained the wardrobes with soot, some floor lamps were melted and unusable as well as your window curtains.

-Looks like I need to buy a new bed and some furniture- You thought about how nice you could make your room, and what curtains to buy to cover the bedroom window with. -I think it might be good to invest in some security features too while I’m at it- Dover’s attack on you affected the way you felt when you were alone, it was now pertinent to have visibility from many angles and access to view them at any time in case someone tried to hurt you while you were unaware again.

After ruminating on your fears, you locked up and left the house, the moon was now high in the sky and you realized you hadn’t eaten all day. When you left and got to the end of your driveway, you saw headlights shining up the road heading in the direction of the Hewitts house. The driver gave a honk and when you squinted to look, you recognized the truck, it was Charlie.

He pulled up next to you and reached over to unlock the passenger door,

“Get in ‘fore you get ate by a coyote” he said through the open window.

You smile and hop into the passenger’s side of the truck; the seat is rough edged from wear and scrapes the exposed skin on your leg as you slide onto it. You shut the door and thank him for picking you up,

“Are there really coyotes around here?” You asked

He smirks, “Well now, ain’t a whole lot of wildlife really comin’ ‘round here no more.”

You wrinkle your brows, “Must be lucky then eh?”

He chuckles and raises his eyebrows, “Somethin’ like that”

You roll your eyes and give a tight-lipped smirk, you knew it wasn’t luck, if anything it was a whole lot of bad luck that accumulated on this land brought onto poor hapless victims taken from the outside world just to feed the starving Hewitts. This land really was a world of its own, it felt like you were existing in another universe, the remoteness didn’t help much with that either.

“What’s ‘at look for?” he was obviously trying to sleuth out your expression.

Your eyes widen and you quickly face the open window to prevent further incriminating looks,

“Nothing” you hope he would drop it, but he continues,

“You’re bein’ real suspicious ain’t ya? Somethin’ I should know ‘bout?”

You reply with a hint of annoyance in your voice,

“Oh my Goduh, nothiiiiiiiiing” -that should throw him off-.

Charlie laughs and changes the subject,

“You gon’ move back into Tilly’s house now that it’s fixed up?”

You continue to look out the window,

“Yeah, I have been bothering you guys long enough.”

He quickly replies, “You was never no bother girly, I know Luda Mae’s gon’ be real upset seein’ you less. She sure hates an empty nest.”

You didn’t think it would be that much of an impact, you felt like a total leech living there for as long as you did,

“I’m sure she will be relieved having less cooking and housework to do…she never let me help.”

Charlie laughs, “That woman? She’s been feelin’ like a mother again what with doin’ all the women’s work. Was always her happiest when she was carin’ for the boy. Obsessed with motherhood, guess it’s normal for womenfolk to think like that.”

You roll your eyes, you had become used to the way Charlie spoke about women in the time you lived with him, but it was still obnoxious to hear such outdated ideals in modern day.

Charlie puts his arm up on the bench seat, he gives you an inquisitive look, he asks,

“You think like her at all?”

You sigh, “Isn’t that a bit personal?”

He sucks his teeth and looks at the road, he continues,

“Shoot girly, it’s just a question.”

You remain quiet for a few seconds before responding, “No… it’s never really been a goal for me.”

“Huh.”

You replied, already feeling defensive, “What?”

“Just never encountered a ‘no’ from a woman regardin’ kids is all.”

Instinctively, you began preparing to hear the usual patriarchal bullshit thrown at women who choose a different reproductive path. You prepare the counter arguments in your head, you cross your arms and say,

“Ok, lay it out then, tell me how I’m going to change my mind someday or whatever. Let’s get it over with”

Charlie lets out a confused grunt, he turns to you laughing,

“Sweetheart, I couldn’t give two shits ‘bout you not wantin’ to get knocked up. Only reason I bring it up is ‘cus I heard some foolin’ around in the basement the other day.”

Your eyes widen and you tense up with embarrassment, he laughs again,

“Now don’t get yourself all twisted up ‘bout it, s’about time that boy got some tail.”

Your muscles relax a bit, you couldn’t help but blush at your seemingly private exploration being heard. He continues,

“If you n’ the boy are gettin’ that serious, I feel I need to warn you that he’s got no bullet with the blast”

Your nerves wanted out of this conversation, but your curiosity made you dig for information,

“How would you know something like that?”

“Tommy ain’t our blood, Luda Mae found him in a dumpster behind the meat packin’ shop she worked at back in the day. Was a large thing, that boy, t’was clear the momma didn’t want nothin’ to do with him so she tossed him like trash. He was uglier ‘n hell as a baby, not much different than now.” He laughs. “But he ain’t right, somethin’ in his dang blood made him grow into such a fuckin’ beast, made him stronger than any man I ever knew.”

The road was coming up on the house now, you wanted to know more, so you turned to fully face Charlie and asked,

“Being big and strong doesn’t make someone infertile…”

Charlie smirked as he parked the truck near the wheat field and shut off the engine, he leaned his head at an angle to look at you without turning his body,

“Girly, you remember we told you ‘bout the infection fuckin’ up his face?” You nod,

He continues, “He was in the hospital a few weeks getting’ medicine. If he was a normal kid he woulda died. The doctor told us he had some, uh… dang what’d he say now?” Charlie ran his hand through his hair as he thought, “I dunno what it was, somethin’ ‘bout his blood bein’ shitted up n’ to not expect any grandkids, specially with all the drugs they dun gave him. Luda Mae was real upset; I didn’t give no fucks long as he’d help ‘round the farm, and boy did he get useful.”

He got out of the truck and started walking to the house, you sat there mulling over the information you were given. -If he is infertile… No need for protection I guess- The thought of finally being able to safelyhave raw unprotected sex made you hot with lustful fantasies, sex was hard to fully enjoy when you always had the underlying fear of pregnancy looming over you.

You entered the house and made your way to the kitchen where you saw Luda Mae in a nightgown pouring from a teapot. She turned and saw you, a smile immediately formed on her lips,

“You been away all day dear, did you eat anything?”

You shake your head and walk closer to her, she continues,

“Just as I thought. I saved you some dinner in the fridge there, you can heat it up in the oven which is already preheated for you.”

She sets down the teapot and says,

“Did you get a lot done dear?”

You open the fridge and find a large plate filled with comfort food, you respond,

“Thanks for saving me dinner, you didn’t have to.” She smiles at you, and you continue,

“I got a ton of things done, I’ll be out of your hair once my bed arrives”

Luda Mae’s smile sank, you could tell she didn’t want to hear you were leaving. She saw you looking at her expression and quickly changed it back to a smile, saying,

“Well, that’s good for you dear, but don’t go feelin’ like you have to leave right away now. Take as much time as you need.”

You feel her hand gently placed on your upper back, she gives you some comforting rubs and you tell her,

“Don’t worry, I’m going to be over a lot. It’s just that the orchard needs someone there to care for it, and it’s a big job.”

She nods, understanding the need to get back to normal,

“Alright hun, you eat whatever you like and get some tea from the pot there. I’m headin’ to bed now but if you need anything, just knock on my door.”

You thank her again and she walks up the stairs. You see Charlie come in after her, he went straight for the bread buns in the basket on the counter.

“You headin’ to bed girly?”

You shake your head, he stuffs the bun in his mouth and begins to leave,

“thya ‘omarro” His words were muffled by the food he was chewing, you wished him a good night and listened to him walk up the stairs to his room, his footsteps thudding more quietly with each step.

You put the plate in the oven and let out a big sigh as you sat in the chair, you weren’t tired despite being busy all day. The thoughts of Tommy unloading his orgasms into you were energizing, you sat there feeling the ache between your legs gain intensity. -he must have gone to sleep by now, I better get changed out of these sweaty clothes-

You made your way to the bedroom and threw off your shirt and shorts, you took off your bra and exhaled in relief letting your breasts experience natural gravity again. You picked out a purple oversized T shirt that reached your knees, you felt immediately comfortable and paused before you left the room. -Might be fun to feel a little breeze as I eat dinner, everyone went to bed anyway- you quickly slipped your underwear off and tossed it near your bed, you blushed as you made your way to the kitchen giggling to yourself about the bold idea.

You step back into the kitchen and turn off the oven, you leave the plate in there to soak up the last bits of heat so it doesn’t have any cool pockets to ruin the meal. You turn and open the side door that leads to the porch, your bare feet touching the smooth wood floor. The moon was bright and lit up the land, you looked out at your home up on the hill, it was a barely visible white blob sitting lonely on the hilltop watching over the orchard.

You wondered what this town was like when it was busy, there weren’t many buildings around that you saw when you reached the gas station, but you also never drove up the road past the Hewitt house; as far as you knew, there was just tall grass and an evil man’s hiding hole.

The night air was refreshingly cool, it brushed under your shirt and tickled your naked body which felt invigorating. Back home it was rare if the nights were warm enough to stand outside half dressed, but you also didn’t have a large private porch to lounge in either.

Suddenly, a glow of warm yellow string lights lit up from the roof of the porch illuminating a large man standing in the doorway. It was Tommy, he bent down to avoid hitting his head on the doorframe and closed the door behind him. You were shocked to see him, and were now very aware of the fact that you were completely nude under this shirt, you almost missed the fact that he was shirtless.

You pull down your shirt to ensure it isn’t somehow lifting up and making your lower region visible,

“I thought you were asleep?” you ask

“Heard y’come in, wanted t’check up on ya” he spoke softly.

He moved next to you, putting his massive arms on the railing and leaning forward to look at the land. You felt nervous being so close to him with your secret hiding under the thin fabric of your shirt. -Why am I nervous? I was in a pond with him naked for gods sake!- Despite your previous escapades you still felt giddy at the thought of him discovering your hidden nudity.

You try to divert your nerves with conversation,

“Thanks for teaching me how to defend myself, it feels better knowing I might stand a chance now.”

He nods at you and smiles with his eyes, his dark mask hiding his damaged skin, you noticed his pushed back hair was wet and when he moved closer you could smell the fresh scent of a masculine scented soap, it was intoxicating. You shake your head a little to snap yourself out of it,

“S-so were you going to stay up here a while? I need to get my dinner out of the oven if you want to hang out as I eat.”

You quickly make your way to the kitchen hoping to escape his alluring scent, it was flooding your mind with wicked thoughts about his arms squeezing around you like a python while he fucked you. -god damn, why does he have to smell so good, and look so good, and be so fucking massive and hot!- You argued with your thoughts, you wouldn’t be able to try playing with him while Luda-Mae and Charlie were just one floor away, too risky, but you didn’t want to be obvious by pulling him downstairs.

You were wise to his antics, and you remember when he said “I’m gon’ start messin’ with y’now”he made sure you understood he was going to torture you with desire. He followed you into the kitchen barely being able to pass through the doorframe, you try to ignore him, you were onto him and wanted to see what he would attempt.

“I’ll get that for ya” he reached down into the oven without oven mitts and grabbed the plate without flinching, he sets it down on the table in front of you then reaches to get you a fork.

You touch the plate and it stings with heat,

“How didn’t that burn you?”

He shrugs, “Thick skin I guess”

He takes a seat next to you and hands over the fork, you thank him and begin to eat. He leans back in the chair and relaxes as he watches you, he then asks,

“That house o’ yers is done huh”

You nod, eating hastily not realizing how hungry you were. He continues,

“Y’gon’ move on out then?” His voice was vibrating the plate on the table from the low timbre.

You swallow the large ball of food in your mouth and reply,

“The orchard hasn’t been properly tended to in a while, I have to keep those trees alive and… Tilly made it a clause in her will.”

He crosses his arms and nods, leaning back and looking away,

“Won’t see much of ya ‘round then I s’pose”

You put the fork down and sit back, a serious look on your face, he looks over at you and notices the shift,

“What’s amatter?” he asks.

You look him in the eyes, “I wanted to run something by you actually”

He shifts in his seat and places one arm on his thigh and the other on the table while his torso was turned to face you,

“Y’can ask me whatever y’want”

A tiny smile hits your lips from his words,

“Well, Dover didn’t really teach me about caring for the trees. I figure I can read up on it and do my best to learn everything I can but…” You paused, you clenched the edge of your t-shirt bottom before finding the courage to push out the question, “I want to know if you knew anything about caring for orchards, and maybe, if you did… you could teach me the basics until I can do it myself”

Tommy was quiet, he put his hand to his chin and was deep in thought, you got nervous and added,

“Y-you can say no its ok, I know it’s a big ask since you already do so much around here, I just thought it would be nice to… spend more time together is all.”

He leaned back in the chair, it creaked under his weight,

“I’ll help ya. I dunno a whole lot ‘bout orchards but, I helped Tilly when she needed it, she taught me a thing or two”

You smile, “I’m really glad”

You got up to put the leftovers away, Tommy followed and stood up to open the fridge door from behind you as you placed the food back inside.

When he shut the fridge door, he kept is arms around you fencing you in. You spun around to look at him, he was towering over you, his steely blue eyes gazed at you through heavy lids. He moved his hand to gently caress your neck and trailed it under your jaw, lifting your face to look in his eyes.

“Y’don’t need no excuse to get me alone” his voice was smooth and enshrouded your mind making you feel a wave of arousal flood your body.

“Oh Yeah?” you speak in a breathy whisper.

He nods slowly, you touch the thick leather of his mask and say,

“What do I need to do to see your handsome face then?”

He hangs his head down and laughs, he lifts his head and brings it close to your face,

“Go ‘head then”

You excitedly remove the mask revealing his gnarled old wound that exposed his teeth through his cheek, the more you got to see his real face the harder you fell for him.

“Still likin’ what y’see?” he asks.

You smile and lift yourself up to his face, you look into his eyes and slowly move in to kiss his lips. He lets out a muffled hum as he kisses you back, you press in harder and lift your hands to cup his face, his stubbles was shaved off to a clean finish. You forgot how wonderful his lips felt, the kiss quickly became heated with passion, both of you began to breathe more hastily.

Tommy put his hands on the sides on your body, slowly moving them downwards until he reached where he wanted to. He wrapped his hands around your thighs and lifted you up onto his chest so your face was the same level as his, you stifled an excited squeal when your body lifted into the air so effortlessly.

He smiled and kept you in his arms while kissing you, you threw your arms around his neck to keep your body leaned forward past his bulky pecs to reach his face. You felt his hands move inwards towards your weepy slit. He was trying to get a more stable grip so you could sit comfortably, but when his fingers discovered no underwear, he stopped kissing you and gave you a devilish grin,

“What we got here?” he spoke through a chuckle

You blushed and bit your lip remaining quiet, unsure of what to say,

He kept tickling your labia with gentle flicks of his fingers, your breathing hastened and you suppressed a moan with your hand over your mouth,

“Bad girl, y’need to go to yer room huh”

You nod, “Put me there”

 He moves his mouth close to yours, but when you lean in for a kiss, he slowly pulls away grinning. He carries you through the porch door, entering sideways and leaning down to avoid hitting his head. He stops when he reaches the double door leading to your room, he turns around and places you on the railing of the porch which is wide enough for you to sit comfortably.

“Why did you set me here?” you ask.

“I aint givin’ in so easily” he grumbles through a smirk

“…do you want me to beg or something?” you laugh.

He gives you a smug look, “Maybe”

“Oh please, I can keep myself under control. No amount of flirting would make me want to be-“

He cuts you off by gripping your hips and pulling your body close to the edge of the railing top so you were flush against his warm torso. You huff defiantly until he presses his erection onto your cunt, your abundant juices coated the fabric of his sweat pants. You let out an unexpected moan and quickly cover your mouth to quiet it.

Tommy slowly rubs his stiff cock up and down the length of your lips, pressing in when his head met your hole just to tease you. He was grinning watching you hold your hand to your mouth as you hushed your whines. You so badly wanted to feel the skin of his dick move inside you, the cloth barrier was unbearable. He was enjoying the antagonization, his grip on your hips was firm you wouldn’t be able to escape even if you wanted to, he just kept pulling you closer to him until you gave in and said,

“Please, I want it” your words were like a song to him.

“Well, since y’asked nicely” he growled.

He threw you over his shoulder, making you giggle, and entered your room through the porch entrance closing the doors behind him as swiftly as he entered. He gently laid you on the bed gazing down at you while you writhed with arousal, you hesitantly spread your legs and lifted your shirt to reveal your lower half. Tommy got on the bed, it made a creaking groan under his massive weight. He leaned over you and placed one of his hands down between your folds caressing your entrance, you breathed in sharply and spread your legs further to let him have more access.

Tommy ran his fingers over your tender skin, his digits getting slick with wet the more he rubbed. You put your arms around his neck and pulled his face onto yours and kissed him, he moaned into your mouth and slipped his middle finger into your hole,

“Oh fuck” you whispered

His finger was almost as thick as an average man’s penis, and just as long. He slowly moved in and out of you, the calloused skin scratched your walls and bumped your g-spot sending your nerves into overdrive with pleasure, he feels your walls clench down on his finger,

“Y’got such a tiny lil hole” he says gruffly.

“Yeah? Why don’t you fuck it then” you command.

He pulls his finger out and runs his hand up your shirt skimming along your sensitive skin as he moves, he finds your breast and starts massaging the nipple making you moan with the electrical impulses that tickle your nerves.

“Y’want me bad huh” his tone was mocking.

You reply in a breathy tone “Please, fuck me”

Tommy pinches your nipple before he leans back and pulls his massive cock out from under his sweatpants, his erection was so full that he whined as he held it. Seeing his massive length was sending you over the edge with desperation. Tommy lowered himself down so his shaft lay on your clit, his dick was heavy and warm, the feeling of it on your swollen nub was making you feel drunk with desire.

He rubbed his length up and down your wet folds at an agonizingly slow pace, your wetness coating all along his cock making it glisten in the light of the moon. You tried to wrap your legs around his hips to pull him in but he quickly grabbed them with ease and pushed them all the way back so your knees were touching the sides of your chest.

You were so sexually frustrated with having him tease your greedy hole, you tried to raise your hips to entice him to slip inside but he remained steady.

Tommy saw how badly you wanted him to fuck you, he loved watching how your body beckoned him to enter it. He decided to have mercy on you and pressed his thick head on your hole, allowing you to slowly adjust to the width. He let out heavy sighs as your pussy began to slowly swallow his tip, the soft velvety feel of your lips made him moan deeply. The stretch of his girth sent waves of pleasure through your core and the vibration of his deep voice made it seem like you were mating with a beast.

You managed to slip halfway down his head before he couldn’t take much more and he began to slowly move his tip in and out. He was groaning, trying to control himself but your slicked entrance was beginning to bring out something feral from deep within him, he kept trying to slide more of himself inside but you weren’t opening up fast enough to allow him full entry.

You grab onto his wrists and dig your nails in, he was so wide that your poor little cunt couldn’t adjust fast enough to meet his lulling thrusts. You could feel a sting of pain with each movement as his width increased, the pleasure was overpowering the sting and you didn’t want him to stop. It felt like an impossible task to get even just the rest of his head inside, but you wanted so desperately to be penetrated by him, so you focused on relaxing your muscles to grant him deeper access.

He was quickly losing control over his movements and felt your vaginal walls loosening up, he fought the urge to just aggressively push in deep to get past the last hurdle. He was high on the feeling of your insides, his mind felt light and dreamy, as if his brain was swimming. He kept pressing in further with each forward motion until all of his head was finally inside you, he pulled out further before each hungry thrust to coat himself in more of your dripping sweetness.

“I want the whole thing, give it to me Tommy, I need it” you pleaded.

Tommy needed to get hold of his mind that was beginning to slip away, he had a strong carnal desire to just plow into you but he instead forced himself to remain still. You look up at him wondering why he stopped moving, your vaginal walls still pulsating around his tip from the incredible sensations it brought. He gives you a crooked grin and gently pulls out of you, then stands up off the bed and hastily puts his pants over his erection.

“What! Why?” you asked furiously

He laughs, “That’s payback, my angel”

Tommy walks out of your room and leaves you there a dripping, horny mess; You chuckled to yourself and flopped onto your stomach and yelled into your pillow. You now wanted to get past this cheeky stage and just start fucking like rabbits but you knew he was going to continue this provocatory teasing. It was time to pull out all your tricks and make it so unbearable for him to resist that he will give up messing around and give into his temptations.

Tommy got back into his room in the basement, his mask back on his face where it belonged. He was still fully engorged and now feeling pain from the intense pressure, he needed a release badly, but he also wanted to start practicing control over his desires. He was worried, he felt so close to just letting go and fucking you silly, he wanted to be fully present and aware if your needs when you two finally, properly, lay together.

He flopped on his bed and sighed; he wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep this up for. The next time, he may not be able to pull away so easily.

Special authors note: I wanted to stray from the norm of Thomas constantly being portrayed as having a breeding kink (it can be hot don't get me wrong) because I know there are a lot of women who don't want to read breeding/pregnancy kink for various valid reasons and its fairly hard to find AFAB x Tommy smut where he isn't depicted in such a way. If you were expecting that, I apologize for disappointing you but I try to cater to the people who don't often get catered to because inclusivity is important to me when making adult content. So from here on out, the rest of the chapters in this series will be for the gals who don't want to think of that stuff when reading smut. Thank you for taking the time to read my fic, likes, reblogs, and comments are extremely appreciated.

-Next chapter

[cascowriteswords]

hi everyone 👋 i wrote something  [[the one where i found this in my google docs from months and months ago and finally finished it and accidentally created a teeny tiny fwb au]]

“Is this why you invited me over?”

Lexa humphs. She tries to take her phone back from Clarke’s grabby little hands but no luck; Clarke uses her shoulder to block her, shoulders rounding as she leans over the phone possessively like Gollum with a ring. 

“It’s not, but - oh, wow, Lex. These are - these are really bad.” Clarke can barely get her words out around the laughter bubbling up from her chest. Lexa’s ears burn and her cheeks pink as she collapses back against the couch, half wishing the cushion would just swallow her whole. She crosses her arms and tucks her chin against her sternum, the definition of sulking while Clarke ridicules her dating profile. She swipes through profile pictures - the main one with Lexa proudly holding an 8lb bass she’d caught last summer, the next of her locked in an arm-wrestling match with Anya, another posing with Lincoln’s golden retriever puppy in the middle of a baseball diamond. 

Lexa thought the pictures were good, making her look attractive and showcasing some of her personality - outdoorsy, athletic, good with animals. 

Clarke apparently doesn’t share her opinion. 

“The fish pictures. What is it with the fish pictures? I thought it was a straight white boy thing but. Well, you don’t quite fit that bill.“ 

“I’ve gotten a lot of matches and compliments on my pictures, thanks. Especially on the one with the bass. Can I have my phone back now?”

“Yeah, I see that. Hm, here - Kylie Jones. Has a boyfriend but wants to experiment if you can be discreet. She’s excited to have found a lesbian that isn’t so ‘butchy’ - her words, definitely not mine. And then Dana Walters, who has a Let’s Go Brandon t-shirt on in her profile pic. Really reeling in the all-around 10s I can see.”

“Alright, that’s enough.” Lexa lurches forward and catches Clarke by surprise enough to wrest her phone out of her hands. She promptly hits the lock button and slips it back into her pocket. “They’re not all like that. I’ve gotten plenty of perfectly nice, fully vaccinated girls replying too.”

“Why are you even on Tinder?” Clarke changes her line of questioning. “I’ve never heard of anything good coming from it. People just use it to hook up.”

Lexa shrugs. “Maybe that’s all I’m looking for. I’m not searching for love.” 

Because she’s already found it. She exchanges a meaningful look with Clarke, who undoubtedly picks up on her unspoken thought. But Clarke had told her she isn’t ready to be with anyone, not yet. 6 months ago. And Lexa’s willing to wait - she knows that Clarke’s ex-boyfriend had cheated on her and understands that she isn’t ready to jump back into dating right away. But she’s also human and has needs and 6 months is a long time. So, Tinder.

Clarke looks thoughtful. She keeps staring at Lexa and Lexa stares back, not quite sure why her heart is beating a little faster in her chest. “So you’re just looking for meaningless sex? No strings attached?” 

“Yeah, I guess.”

“I can do that.” Clarke looks completely serious but Lexa’s certain she must be joking. She’d rejected her when she'd asked her out on a date all those months ago and they’ve been platonic friends ever since, and now this? She’s offering sex? Cannot compute. “You don’t need to go out and meet these random strangers. That doesn’t sound safe, or fun.”

Lexa can think of a dozen reasons that’s a horrible idea, starting with the fact that she’s in love with Clarke and Clarke is not in love with her. It’s a recipe for a disaster. “Uh, it’s nice of you to offer but -” 

“Are you horny right now?” Clarke interrupts, effectively shutting Lexa up. “Because if I’m honest you’ve been driving me nuts in those jeans all day.” Her eyes rake up and down Lexa’s body and Lexa swallows, mouth suddenly dry. Clarke’s hand is on her knee now and she isn’t sure how or when it got there. 

“Clarke, we really shouldn’t,” she says, but she’s unable to keep the hitch out of her breath when Clarke scoots a little closer, slides her hand a little higher. It could be a trick of the light but it looks like her pupils have gotten bigger, infiltrating normally-blue territory. 

“You don’t want to?”

“You know I do,” Lexa laments. “It’s just that -”

“Feelings. I know,” Clarke sighs. She’s rubbing circles over the faded denim covering Lexa’s inner thigh now, absentmindedly. “So you’d really rather fuck some stranger?”

“Not at all,” Lexa admits. “But…” 

“Maybe it would be easier than you think. To separate the physical from feelings?” Clarke suggests. Lexa’s pretty sure sex would just compound her feelings. She bites her lip, torn and uncertain. Her heart and her body want one thing but her head is warning her against it. “Okay. Okay, I’ll stop pushing, I’m sorry. I’m being an asshole. You said no.” Clarke says, smiling in a sweetly apologetic way. She pulls away and returns to her separate space on the couch, sighing, looking adorably flustered. 

Flustered because she wants Lexa. Fuck. And Lexa wants her. So what are they even doing, sitting here feeling tortured? Her resolve breaks quickly. “Okay,” she says. Clarke’s eyes snap up to meet hers, full of question. “I know you said you’re not ready for a relationship right now, but if you feel like you’re ready to sleep together then we can try -”

Clarke is across the couch and in Lexa’s lap so quickly it almost knocks the wind out of her. Lexa had thought she was the only one pining and wanting and lusting after her best friend but despite Clarke’s rejection, she seems equally as desperate and frantic as she crushes her lips to Lexa’s. And fuck, it’s even better than Lexa had imagined it would be. Clarke’s lips taste like her vanilla chapstick and she winds her fingers through Lexa’s hair and Lexa has never felt so consumed by a kiss. So wholly unable to think of anything else, her pulse fluttering wildly as her hands find and settle on Clarke’s hips. Clarke reacts to the touch and grinds down and Lexa is briefly embarrassed by the moan that flies out of her mouth, until Clarke mumbles, “Fuck, that’s so hot,” against her lips. She nips at Lexa’s lower lip then, pulling it between her teeth and biting down just hard enough to sting, eliciting another moan. 

Lexa normally prefers to maintain a little bit more control during sexual encounters, but with Clarke in her lap kissing her furiously and rocking her hips she finds herself more than willing to relinquish some control. Things move fast and slow simultaneously from there, time blurring as they lose themselves in one another, all roaming hands and hungry mouths. After an indeterminate amount of time Clarke reaches down and deftly undoes the button of Lexa’s jeans. Following a quick check-in to which Lexa very quickly consents, Clarke slips her hand under the elastic of Lexa’s underwear and runs her fingers through her, finding her already slick with anticipation. 

“Fuck, Clarke,” Lexa gasps at the sensation, hips jerking involuntarily. 

“I’ve got you,” Clarke murmurs softly, stilling long enough that Lexa opens her eyes, not quite remembering when she’d shut them in the first place. She’s not prepared for what she sees; the softness in Clarke’s eyes as they search hers, the lust and want clear in them but also something…else. Something she can’t quite put her finger on, and she doesn’t have time because Clarke starts moving again and renders her incapable of thinking of anything other than how fucking good that feels. 

“I’ve got you,” Clarke says again, before leaning back in to swallow Lexa’s groans.

Lexa is fucked - literally and figuratively. Because the more Clarke says that, and the more Clarke keeps touching her like that, the more she realizes that ready for her or not, she’s already very much Clarke’s.

[keewriting]

Cove x MC - One Shot #3 (request)

[Read on google docs to insert your MC's name]

SPOILER WARNING: Don't read if you haven't finished Step 3!

Your insides bubbled with excitement as the car neared the cabin nestled deeply in the forest. The fresh blanket of snow was nearly blinding in the bright morning sun. You looked over to your driver, Cove, who wore a focused scowl.

Cove: We made it. I can’t believe we made it.

Y/N: Isn’t it gorgeous? There is so much SNOW.

Cove smiled at you with apprehension. This trip was a special one for many reasons. You were both freshly 19, so it was your first holiday together as independent adults. On that note, it was also your first holiday away from your families. You felt more down about that than Cove did. His main gripe was the snow, and it was unmistakable in his expression. Cove parked the car in the designated snowless space. You both stepped out, Cove with a little less enthusiasm than you did.

Cove: Snow, snow, and more snow.

The cabin was glowing and decked out in beautiful Christmas decorations. An intermingling of garland and lights hung across the roof. More garland and Christmas baubles framed the frosted windows. Oversized candy canes lined the pathway up to the porch. The wreath on the front door was massive. It hung proudly with a cute snowman proclaiming “Let it Snow!”

Cove: The owners didn’t hold back out here. It’s impressive.

Mesmerized, you could only nod. The online advertisement described the cabin as a pre-decorated Christmas escape. The images you showed Cove online were spectacular, but they did not do justice to the real thing.

Not wanting to stand outside any longer, Cove moved to the trunk and began unloading the luggage. Cove first extracted a suitcase that he claimed was not filled entirely with gifts for you. Your gift for Cove lived safely in your own suitcase, already wrapped and ready to go. He then removed both of your clothing-packed suitcases. You were proud of your ability to convince Cove to bring winter-appropriate clothing to this trip.

You helped Cove drag the luggage to the front door. The host messaged you the entrance code before your arrival. You punched it into the keypad which stood in place of a normal keyhole. 1-2-2-5. Clever.

You paused for dramatic effect, then slowly opened the door to reveal the inside. It looked like a Christmas bomb went off, in the best way possible. You squealed and bounded inside first, leaving Cove to the luggage.

The cabin was small and cozy. The kitchen and living area were open to each other. There was no bedroom, only a pull-out couch that sat comfortably in front of a fireplace. The only other doors in the cabin were for the bathroom and a storage closet.

The Christmas tree drew in your eyes first. You stepped closer to inspect it and inhale the sweet evergreen scent. The tree skirt was wide and inviting to colorful wrapped boxes. Cranberry and popcorn strands wrapped the tree from bottom to top. An assortment of ornaments littered the branches. You peered into one of the big red baubles and smiled at your distorted reflection. Finally, you tilted your head upwards to take in the tree topper— a stunning golden star.

You spun around excitedly to appreciate the rest of the decorations. There wasn’t a corner or window without winter greenery. Festive cushions sat on either side of the couch. Stockings hung by the chimney with care. A miniature village of joyful folk lived on a console table by the entrance. You turned to face Cove, who had just finished lugging everything inside by himself. He shut the door and smiled at you, happy that you were already having a magical time.

Y/N: I’m sorry, Cove. I got a little carried away with—

You halted your own sentence. Your gaze drew upward to the ceiling above Cove. A mistletoe hung delicately in the doorway. Cove followed your sight, twisting his head for a better view. You strode towards him before he could speak. You stared at him intently and wiggled one of your eyebrows. He met your gaze again, already blushing intensely.

Cove: It’s one of those...

His sentence trailed off as you stepped even closer and hushed him.

Y/N: Just kiss me, you big, beautiful dumbass.

Cove gulped hard. He gently took your face in his cold hands. You hoped the heat from your blushing face would warm them. He bent towards you as you stood on your toes to meet the kiss. Your lips danced together sweetly. You parted after a moment and stared into each other's eyes. Cove’s ocean blue eyes glistened and crinkled with the wide smile that spread across his face. You dove into a hug, wrapping your arms around his tall frame. He returned the hug enthusiastically.

Cove: Let’s get everything unpacked and unwind. I need to get that fireplace lit as soon as possible.

You agreed and helped Cove locate a suitable location for the luggage. He paused with his gift-laden suitcase in hand. Face lost in thought, Cove's grip tightened on the suitcase.

Y/N: Everything okay, Cove?

Cove: Today is Christmas Eve.

Y/N: That it is.

Cove: Presents go under the tree on Christmas Eve.

You chuckled at his observations, but allowed him to continue speaking. He brushed it off casually.

Cove: I want this to be special, Y/N. If I put the gifts under the tree now you’ll see them and start wondering what’s inside.

The concern in his tone was apparent. It was just like Cove to worry so deeply about something most people wouldn’t think about. You pondered for a moment.

Y/N: Wait for me to fall asleep tonight, then sneak them under the tree like the real Santa Claus.

Cove laughed at the implication of a “real” Santa Claus. You were glad to see his mood lighten. He hesitated, then set the suitcase behind the others, careful to conceal it. Perhaps in an attempt to block you from using your x-ray vision to see through the luggage. You thought it was ridiculous, but in the sweetest way. Satisfied with the arrangement, Cove slapped his hands against his legs.

Cove: Well, now what? What Christmas activities does Y/N have planned today?

Y/N: Let me just pull out my Christmas to-do list.

You spoke sarcastically with a twinkle in your eyes. Cove rolled his eyes lightheartedly and wandered to the fireplace. While he fiddled with it you sank heavily into the couch. With an enthused “Aha!” from Cove, the fireplace roared to life. It crackled pleasantly.

Cove turned around to smile at you sweetly. He patted the ground next to him. You got up and settled in next to Cove. He wrapped his arm around you and drew you in closer. You immediately appreciated the warmth from both Cove and the fireplace. You leaned on his shoulder.

You spent the rest of the morning watching Christmas movies and munching on candy canes. For lunch, you and Cove made macaroni and cheese. You both welcomed the gooey warmth of the meal.

Imbued with energy from lunch, you leapt from your seat and proclaimed.

Y/N: We have to go outside and enjoy the snow before the sun goes down.

Cove made a sour face and spoke quietly without looking up from his now empty bowl.

Cove: Enjoy, yeah…

You sighed and clenched your jaw, restraining yourself. You knew Cove would be difficult regarding the snow, but hoped the special occasion would nudge him along.

Y/N: Fine. I’ll go outside myself.

Cove’s head immediately snapped up and he stared at you with wide, pleading eyes. He didn’t expect you to so easily give up on convincing him. You maintained an unimpressed expression while he spoke.

Cove: No, Y/N. I’ll come with you. You know I love spending time with you no matter what.

Your expression cracked with a hint of a smile, but you regained control.

Y/N: You’re going to hate it. Don’t bother.

You weren’t sure why you were being so stubborn with this. Cove was willing to compromise, but you still felt annoyed that his initial reaction put a damper on your mood. You shut your eyes tightly, now irritated by your own childishness.

Cove stood up and firmly gripped your shoulders. He waited for you to look at him. You met his gaze and stuck out your bottom lip in a small pout.

Cove: Let’s go build a snowman. It’ll be like building a sandcastle.

You sighed, but couldn’t resist his comforting voice and adoring eyes.

Y/N: I’m going to have to bundle you in layers. Gloves, a hat, maybe even a scarf.

Cove cringed at each word that escaped your lips. He nodded anyway. You both put on more winter gear in preparation for the snow activities. You held open the door for Cove, who hesitantly stepped outside.

Cove: This is way worse than the ice skating rink.

Y/N: You don’t say?

You loved teasing Cove for his blunt and often obvious statements, but he knew you adored him for it. He scoffed and stuck his tongue out at you.

Y/N: Careful with that, might get stuck on a pole.

Cove retreated his tongue and blushed lightly. You gently poked his tummy then grabbed his hand to lead him into the snow. You chose a wide open space away from the cabin for your snowman’s home. You started shoveling snow into a pile. Cove stood reluctantly nearby. You didn’t want to push him, but hoped he would join in the building.

To your surprise, it was only a moment before Cove dug his gloved hands into the snow. He smiled at you shakily while adding to your growing pile of snow. You went back and forth between adding snow and rounding the pile into a snowman base. Cove’s big hands proved useful in this endeavor. With the base done, you moved onto the head.

Y/N: We have to make the head smaller than the body.

Cove: How small? Do you want to give him a shrunken head?

You cackled at the thought, but shook your head.

Y/N: I think he deserves a normal sized head.

Between the two of you, the snowman’s head slowly grew. You stepped back to assess the size.

Y/N: I think that’s perfect. What do you think, Cove?

Cove stepped back as well and tilted his head. He spoke matter-of-factly.

Cove: Looks like a snowman.

Y/N: Not yet, he needs a face and arms.

You scoured the ground around you for twigs, leaves, and rocks. Cove did the same.

Cove: If only we had seashells. That would bring it all together.

With your findings combined, you got to work on designing the snowman. His face came together in a wide smile made of various pebbles. Leaves stuck to the top of his head represented the hair. Two sticks on either side of his body became the arms. Cove found several small pinecones to pin on his front like an array of buttons. Finally, the nose. You didn’t have a carrot on hand, so you opted for another one of Cove’s pointier pinecones.

Once again, you stepped back with Cove to admire your work. You wrapped your arm around him in a side hug, he returned the gesture with an arm around your shoulder.

Y/N: He’s beautiful.

You pretended to dramatically wipe a tear from your eye.

Cove: We should name him.

You agreed, and began to ponder names that would fit the snowman. After much deliberation, you settled on Sandy, as a memento of the inspiration for his existence.

Y/N: Sandy the Snowman, it really is perfect.

Cove: Next time we’re at the beach we should build a sandman and name him Snowy.

Cove waggled his eyebrows at you, hoping for a reaction to his hilarious joke. You couldn’t contain the grin that emerged from within. You were suddenly overcome by a wave of affection for Cove. His dorky jokes, the way he looked at you, his willingness to put his own comfort aside for your sake. You wanted nothing more than to push him down into the snow and ravage him. Knowing better, you instead decided to grab his hand again and lead him back indoors.

Cove followed with a small gasp at your sudden insistence. Once inside, you leaned Cove against the door and pressed your lips into his. You were desperate for his warmth. He returned the kiss passionately, running his fingers through your hair. You broke away from Cove, satisfied with your second mistle-toe kiss. Cove stood bewildered, disappointed by losing the warmth of your lips. You winked at him, never tiring of teasing your flustered fiancé.

You spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other’s company. You played board games, sang Christmas songs, and drank hot chocolate. As the evening emerged, a light snowfall began outside. You gazed out the window, hypnotized by the dancing snowflakes. Your eyes began to droop, and you felt the weight of the day pulling you down. You yawned and turned to Cove, who was already turning the couch into a bed. He must have sensed your weariness.

Cove threw some blankets and pillows into the bed and you dove right into the inviting warmth. He joined you and extended his arm to make his chest available to your sleepy head. You nuzzled in and closed your eyes, ready to drift away…

You stirred awake at the feeling of the mattress shifting. Your eyes fluttered open and tried to adjust to the darkness. Cove was climbing back into bed. It was completely dark outside, you judged it must have been a few hours after you fell asleep. Still half asleep, you muttered quietly to Cove.

Y/N: Santa, baby…

You couldn’t see his expression through the darkness, instead you heard a small chuckle. You held your arms out limply, hoping for a Cove cuddle. He took you in his arms and kissed the top of your head. You continued feebly, in a sleepy sing-song voice.

Y/N: So hurry down the chimney tonight…

Cove chuckled again and stroked your cheek gently.

Cove: I love you so much.

That was the last thing you heard before falling back into a deep slumber. Several hours later, the morning sun woke you. Cove was sleeping peacefully next to you, likely exhausted from playing Santa Claus last night. You turned over and rested your body on his chest. You peppered his face in tiny kisses until he awoke. His eyes eased open, a smile already growing across his face.

Y/N: Merry Christmas, Cove.

Cove: Merry Christmas, Y/N.

Unable to contain your excitement, you leapt out of bed, leaving Cove to fully wake himself up. You ran to your suitcase and recovered the small wrapped gift you got for Cove. You decided to place it beneath the already populated tree. Your jaw dropped seeing how many gifts Cove got you. You placed the gift down carefully and went to check on Cove.

Y/N: Please tell me you’re ready to open gifts.

Cove: I’m ready, but you have to open yours first.

You didn’t argue, you wanted to save your gift to Cove for last anyway. He joined you by the tree and sat cross-legged across from you.

Y/N: Where should I start? Is there any order to this madness?

Cove thought for a moment, then pulled out one of the presents. Shiny reindeer-imprinted paper covered the box. He held it out to you.

Cove: Definitely start with this one.

Impressed that he seemed to remember what was in each box, you took the gift with a smile. You tore open the paper and uncovered the joy within: an adorable stuffed dolphin. Your eyes lit up as you hugged the little guy. You thanked Cove, who immediately bestowed you with another carefully selected box. You giggled and repeated the process. The rest of the boxes contained: a book from your favorite series, tickets to an upcoming play, rare foreign candy, colorful seashells, and a beautiful ocean-themed puzzle.

You felt overwhelmed by the thought that Cove put into each gift. You struggled to find words besides “thank you.” However, Cove wasn’t done. He handed you a final box.

Cove: One more.

You unwrapped this one carefully, a mix of anticipation and nerves stirring within. Inside was a small album titled “Our Life.” You carefully lifted it out of the box and flipped through the pages. Each page was designed to represent a point in your lives together, from childhood all the way to this past summer. There were pictures, funny quotes, tickets from various events, and doodles. Cove even included the piece of paper from your infamous hang-man game.

You were already tearing up before you noticed a smaller box within the original box. With shaking hands and a pounding heart, you opened it.

Inside the box was a simple ring with an engraved wave design. You couldn’t stop the waterfall of tears that erupted from your eyes. Your emotions surged and your mind was spinning. Without speaking, you grabbed the present you put under the tree and offered it to Cove. He was visibly confused, even a bit concerned.

Cove: Y/N, is everything okay?

You spoke through tears.

Y/N: Just open it.

Cove silently complied. His fingers carefully removed the red and white pinstriped paper. He looked at you nervously before looking into the box. His eyes widened and glistened.

Cove: A ring…

You laughed shakily and scooted closer to Cove, still holding your own small box. He looked up at you, tears streaming down his red cheeks.

Y/N: We’re already engaged, but still got rings for each other. And look at how emotional we are about it!

Cove: I thought it would be nice to make it official with a real engagement ring.

You nodded in agreement, pleased that you were both on the same page.

Y/N: Let’s put them on each other.

You exchanged rings with Cove. He held your still shaking hand and carefully slipped the ring onto your finger. You did the same, relieved that the ring was a perfect fit on his finger.

You let out a massive sigh, it felt as if you had been holding your breath for ages. Cove was admiring the ring on his finger, his ocean eyes still glimmering with tears.

Cove: It feels as magical as it did the first time on the poppy hill.

You looked at him adoringly, unable to contain the crashing ocean of love you felt inside.

Y/N: Thank you, Cove. For putting in so much effort for me. All the time. But especially this Christmas. I know holidays aren’t your thing, especially not winter ones…

Rambling nervously, you felt like Cove in that moment. He invited you to sit on his lap with a simple pat. You settled in and waited. He cradled you close and spoke quietly but confidently.

Cove: You are my thing. You’re the best gift I could ask for. You make braving holidays and snow worth it. I can’t imagine how this day could get any better.

Cove was right. The morning was still fresh, and you were already swimming in bliss. You sniffled, feeling lucky to have him and looking forward to living your life with the man you love. Christmas Day would hold a special place in your hearts for the rest of your lives.

[shoichee]

Rose-Tinted

Craving for angst with kise please!! Like both are afraid to act on their feelings which ends up hurting the both of them unconsciously. Idk, maybe kise is trying to “test” the girl, but went a bit too far i guess. Whatever floats your boat!! I just want angst but maybe hopefully still HEA in the end (or whichever your muse takes you) ;-; thank youu ❤️

Kise x Reader

Word Count: 6975

Note: oh my GOD, HELP THIS WAS 17 PAGES ON MY GOOGLE DOC I COULDNT STOP MYSELF………. angst, happy ending, fake dating!au, mean old kise ….. girl idk WHAT I WROTE I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT ????? reader POV first half and kise POV second half~

@knb-kreations

»»—————　☼　—————««

He holds you so gently, the touch so feather-light as he cradles your head and dips his own head in for a soft peck. The warmth of his lips makes you feel things you shouldn’t feel, things that you still chased for more in a never-ending cycle. You hold onto his hands thumbing your temples to try to anchor yourself further into the bliss, but it ends all too soon when he separates from you and gives you a radiant smile.

You were rudely pulled out of your rose-tinted trance when you heard gasps and chatter amongst the gawking students nearby, particularly Kise’s fans. He doesn’t pay any mind to their reactions and turns his friendly demeanor towards them.

“So you see everyone,” he cheerfully says. “I’m sorry I can’t accept any of your affections, as much as it flatters me so… after all, I have my dear (y/n)-cchi by my side!”

Groans and cries rung throughout the campus as most wail about missing out the opportunity to be Kise’s romantic partner, but before you can listen to their laments, Kise hurriedly tugs you away to the privacy of the back of a building nearby, away from prying eyes and ears. He drops your wrist just as fast and yawns with a stretch.

“What time should we meet up tomorrow?” he casually says, taking out his phone from his pocket.

“Huh?”

“Well, we can’t exactly sell our image of us being a couple unless we walk to and from school together consistently, right (y/n)?”

The rose-tinted lenses on your self-indulgent fantasy shatters to the ground instantly. You gulp, the swallowed spit hitting down to your stomach in heavy dread, where it was previously occupied by fluttering butterflies just moments prior.

This isn’t real.

“Ah… um,” you hesitated, thinking of a reasonable time, so you can wake up and get ready accordingly. “How about this time…”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” he replies, shutting off his phone before he walks a few steps away from you but then stopping. “Huh, uh… should I walk you home first? There might be some nosy people around, and we might as well get some practice in as an official couple.”

“W-Why don’t we start tomorrow morning instead?” you suggest. “A lot’s happened today, and well, I wanna have some time to myself.” Kise impassively stares at you for a couple of seconds before he forms a grin.

“Ah ha, well then, (y/n)-cchi,” he shouts jovially, making sure that his voice rang throughout the area for anyone nearby to hear. “I’ll be waiting for you tomorrow morning, my love!”

“Y-Yeah…” you mumbled, your hand held up in a half-hearted wave. “See you…”

With that parting, you turned to the opposite direction to exit through the side gates to get to your home. Your mind scrambles to recall the impulsive decisions you decided to take on a whim today. The grip on your bag tightens as you finally realized what sort of situation you got yourself into.

You like Kise, plain and simple. You’ve always gazed longingly at him whenever his presence entered within your line of vision. You couldn’t even fault his fans for being so whipped for the basketball player in the first place, not when you felt like you were more enthralled by him than anyone else. So what does a love-stricken fool like you do when the source of attraction directly asks you to partake in a “relationship?” You immediately accept his conditional proposal on auto-pilot before he barely finishes his sentence.

It felt so wrong, yet so right. How can you hate this arrangement when you enjoyed that first kiss you shared with Kise earlier? But how can you love this arrangement when you knew Kise only kissed you to drive everyone off? You stopped on the sidewalk and heaved a huge exhale, and you continued to walk again, the action not even remotely able to clear your head. Your mind continues to swirl and race.

You agreed to this. He even laid out his intentions very clearly to you, and he was more than ready to leave you alone if you didn’t consent to this. But stupid, desperate you did. You were ashamed to feel even a shred of flattery when he told you that you were the only one he can ask to drive off his fans in this only effective method: a relationship.

“Why me?” you said, looking up at his casual posture. “Don’t you have someone you like to ask to be in a relationship? I’m sure they’d be more than happy to accept you…”

“Well,” he mumbled. “I don’t really have someone in mind… you’re kinda the only one who doesn’t drool over me whenever I’m near, and I just ought to ask for your help.”

“W-Well,” you slightly stammered. “I’m okay with helping you, right, so…”

“This isn’t something to accept so readily, you know,” he said, raising a brow. “I know this is super sudden, and it wouldn’t be fair for me to force an answer out of you right at this moment. Besides, I don’t think there’s any incentive for you to be in this either? It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“N-No!” you interrupted, but you coughed to regain your composure. “I mean, I do have something in this… maybe if I got with you, people would stop trying to harass and tease me if I had someone like you by my side.” That was a half-truth, but you knew there was no way you could reveal your crush to him… not when he believed you were “different” from the others. But can anyone blame you for sticking up for Kise when someone was talking about him like a piece of meat rather than a normal person? “Besides, for you to get to this point, things must’ve gotten too chaotic to simply tell them to stop, right?”

“Huh… is that so,” he said, stretching his neck, but you didn’t know whether or not he intentionally ignored your last question. “Well, if you’re fine with this, I’m letting you know now that we’ll be doing actual couple stuff, like…” He pauses for a second to gauge your reaction. “Hugging, hand-holding… probably kissing too…”

“Y-Yeah,” you nodded. “That’s fine with me! And we’ll have a code word in case either of us overstep our boundaries in any way… maybe…”

“Unagi,” he said.

“Huh? Why?”

“Because they’re the bane of evil…”

“It’s just a dish, but…” you laughed, giddy at how he already showed a different side to you apart from his cool persona. “Alright, let’s go with that.”

How long were you able to keep this up? You pat yourself on the cheeks to dismiss the rest of your fantasies. If you keep this up, Kise will soon notice how you actually were head-over-heels for him all this time, and surely you’ll lose any future chance with him. Besides, maybe you can use this unique arrangement to learn about Kise and his hobbies other than basketball. Yes, you tell yourself, jogging the rest of the way home. It won’t be so bad, after all.

———

Starting today, you’ll be officially dating Kise.

That’s how it is on paper, anyways.

How are you supposed to act while dating the Kise Ryōta? Equally cool and flamboyant? Athletically capable? Would you weird out Kise if you were the one initiating physical affection?

“(y/n)!”

You flinch, not expecting anyone to call for you so early in the morning, and your walking route to school was never shared with another student as far as you were concerned. After all, your path was a little more obscured and unorthodox compared to the majority of students traversing the main neighborhood paths.

“Sorry… did I scare you?” You stop and turn to the source of the voice, only to be surprised when you see Kise himself. “Why do you look so surprised? Didn’t we agree on the time to meet up and walk to school together?”

“Oh… yeah…” In the midst of your thoughts, it seems that you forgot the arrangements you made with him yesterday evening. “My bad?”

“Oh, come on,” he gives a mock-hurt face with a hand to his chest. “Am I that forgettable, (y/n)?”

“N-No!” you immediately deny. You knew it was more like the other way around, the way constant thoughts of Kise preoccupy in your head too much. How can you ever forget him when he constantly runs through your mind everyday for so long? Kise merely gives a good-natured sigh before he changes the subject.

“Kidding,” he says, holding out a hand to you. “Seriously though, get your act together. We gotta start acting the part if we want this to work.” You stare at his hand, hesitating for a split moment before you put your own hand on top. His large hand easily encompasses yours, and the warmth makes you widen your eyes. It… felt nice.

You were so entranced by your linked hands that you failed to notice how Kise was staring at your face with a sharp glint in his eyes, but when you look up back to his face, he easily morphs his expression into his signature grin. He swings your hands around like an excited kid and turns to walk ahead to tug you along.

“Alrighty!~ Let’s hurry together before I get chewed out by Kasamatsu-senpai!”

“Kise, have you ever considered that it’s not really your tardiness that gets the captain mad but more so about the way you seem to irritate him with the way you skip around?”

“(y/n),” he says with a pout, “you know you’re not being convincing when you use my last name to address me as your boyfriend.”

“R-Right,” you stammer, still not used to the entire situation. “Ah… wait. Don’t you uh… call people who are close to you with -cchi?”

“Huh…” he mumbles, looking up at the cloudy sky before looking ahead of the path. “Not necessarily people who are close, just people who I really admire. I guess I addressed you like that yesterday without really thinking.”

“U-Uh, right… sorry.” He stops walking with your hand still in tow, and you almost bumped into his back at his sudden movement. He turns to you with a quite serious look.

“Do you want me to call you that?”

It was a normal question, but for some reason it felt like the next sentence coming from your mouth would make a huge impact on the way the two of you would interact in the future. From the way Kise looks at you with such a scrutinizing gaze, it feels like a trick question, and you’re not sure how to answer it. Your mouth goes dry when you try to reply.

“I… I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Kise’s eyes widen a fraction before he gives an unexpected chortle. “Pfft… how do you not know what you want to be addressed as?”

“Arrgh, oh shut it!” you frown, hitting his arm in a fluster before stalking off ahead. You remember that you were supposed to go to school together, and you begrudgingly stop and turn back to wait for him to catch up. “Ryōta, just call me whatever you want. You’re already calling me by my first name, so I doubt anyone would care if you added -cchi or not.” Still, your cheeks turn pink at the realization that Kise would be uttering your first name for the next couple… whenever this relationship will last.

“You… wait up!” Kise wheezes dramatically, despite the both of you knowing full well how easily he can catch up to your stride. “You really shouldn’t be treating your boyfriend like that! Especially on the first day!” Kise holds your hand again to lead you to the rest of the way to school.

All the while, you’ve been staring at his back, your heartstrings being tugged so mercilessly at the cacophony of emotions you were feeling the whole time. He felt so warm, so inviting, but the way he held your hands felt cold and transactional.

———

You’re not sure how to react whenever Kise introduced himself as your “boyfriend” to everyone or whenever nosy students inquired about your new “boyfriend.” All you could do was gulp and manage the most convincing act you could do within different contexts. Smile, laugh, get bashful, be modest in talking about how Kise managed to “like” you, pretend you know many embarrassing stories and sides to him that no one else did. Truthfully, you were just as in the dark as anybody else.

You think the only reason why everyone bought the couple-act was due to how enamored you were in talking about him. This was the only response you could be truthful about. At least you could use your huge crush to your advantage in portraying yourself as the “lovey-dovey” half of the couple. Yet it feels unbelievably wrong.

You knew you had to prepare yourself some preset answers for curious students, but you didn’t expect yourself to be participating in neverending “interviews” in these social settings. You thought this relationship would entail a closer access to Kise’s true self, but things suggest otherwise.

“Ryōta,” you say, peering up at his face as the both of you walk down the hallway to your designated spot for lunch together. Even as you two walk, he puts a reasonable distance between the two of you when there is no one in close proximity. Even when you two are together, he only grabs your hand when it’s socially convenient. Even when Kise approaches you to talk, you know it’s never anything beyond for the sake of acting. And you agreed to this entire thing.

“Hm?” He spares a glance to your figure before returning his gaze ahead.

“Uh, I brought extra food today,” you say, trying to use this situation to try to express your genuine feelings to him in small increments. “I brought an extra bento box too… in case, you don’t wanna actually share one…” He was about to reply before a pair of students turned around the corner to head towards your direction. Kise narrows his eyes at the unexpected turn of events, and immediately turns to you brightly.

“(y/n)! You really thought that I wouldn’t like the idea?” he pouts. “Of course I wanna share a bento with you! Silly…” He slightly bends to your level to place a chaste peck on your forehead.

“Ah…” you freeze at his soft touch, your legs stiff in place as you stop walking. Kise, in response, moves his lips to your ears, and you slightly shiver at the unexpected intimacy… it was the closest he’s gotten to you ever since that public stunt when he kissed you in front of everyone the other day.

“Hey, don’t just stand there… you can’t overreact like this over something couples do everyday.” You bit your lip in an attempt to stop your heart from sinking from disappointment, but in turning your face to him to spill an apology, your face ended up right in front of his. Your eyes widen but he only stares at you with such an intensity that makes you hold your breath in anticipation.

But he immediately draws away and stretches with a yawn. “Looks like those people left right after they thought they intruded on a private moment between us,” he says. “Sheesh, people really do the most to be so nosy nowadays.” You wonder how he can be so casual about this all. Perhaps it was a mistake to be here like this when you were so in love with him, overthinking every single thing he did.

Why didn’t he kiss you this time? Did he not find you the teensiest attractive enough to want to kiss you even without an audience nearby?

“Come on,” he mumbles, waving a hand through your face. “Quit making that face. I won’t be doing that to you without warning anytime soon. My bad, okay?” Kise sheepishly holds out a hand for a handshake to make peace, and you wordlessly take his hand. One day, you’ll stop being his special someone to savor his warmth…

No, you thought, you’re an idiot… he’s never considered you as someone special.

You debated in telling him that you were fine with him kissing you, but you hold your tongue, afraid that he’ll realize your true feelings about him. Besides, were you really okay with him kissing you when he didn’t reciprocate the same feelings?

“It… wasn’t like what you think,” you hesitate. “It just caught me off guard.”

“Well,” he laughs. “That’s a relief! By the way…” He stops to settle himself on the bench. “What’s exactly your lunch? Since you went through the effort to bring extras, I guess I’ll eat them.”

“I packed salmon from leftovers I had from home,” you reply, taking out your bento box and utensils. You decide to shake off your negative thoughts and shove them to the back of your mind. He makes a horrified face at the lunchbox. “Kise, what’s wrong?”

“Do you… happen to have anything else packed?”

“Rice?”

“Well,” he coughs. “I’m not a fan of dishes with boned fish.”

“Didn’t you say you hated unagi too?” Kise shyly averts his gaze before he reluctantly confirms it so. “They’re delicious though! Especially when they’re grilled!” At first, he refused to answer, but the more you tried to poke and prod (literally too, at his ribs), he finally gave in.

“Alright, alright! But I swear, you better not tell anyone!… I choked on a fish bone one time…”

“… And?”

“And yeah.”

“You choked on a bone once and you got scared out of eating fish—”

“Shhhh!” he hushes, emphasizing his hiss with a finger to his lips. At this very moment, you saw a glimpse into who Kise really is, and you can’t help but bust out a genuine, carefree laugh for the first time in front of him. In embarrassment, he bonks your head with his fist to get you to stop laughing, but it only makes you more conscious of how close he is to you.

But just as quickly and telepathically, Kise puts some distance between the two of you, sitting closer to the edge of the bench. He opts to hunch over casually and keenly watch you scarf down your meal in minutes without a care.

You wonder if you should feel guilty for enjoying this moment with Kise, even if he was only waiting with you out of obligation of being your “boyfriend,” but right now, you allowed yourself to indulge, letting your heart beat sporadically without guilt and fear for once. You continue to savor your lunch in silence, concentrating on munching around the fish bones, while Kise sat in contemplation all the while.

———

“You should come watch our practice game today, (y/n).”

“Eh?”

You tilt your head at him in confusion. It’s been two weeks since you started this arrangement with him, but nothing extraordinary or groundbreaking happened between the two of you, much to your despondency. But you knew, you shouldn’t be asking for too much when you already have the once-in-a-lifetime chance to be close to him like this.

“There’s going to be a lot of people coming,” he explains. “Even if it’s just a practice game… it’d be weird if you weren’t there, because, you know, we’re dating.”

“I don’t mind going,” you reply. “It sounds fun.”

“You know, you’ve been agreeing to everything I’ve been suggesting the entire time,” he mumbles to himself, but he zips his mouth shut when he sees you instinctively moving closer to try to catch what he said. “Uh, in any case… just stop by the gym whenever you can.”

So here you are a few hours later, being the first person to settle yourself on top of the 2nd floor of the gym. You rest your arms on the railway, fascinated by the Kaijō basketball team and their skills. As they warm up on the courts, it’s the first time you see Kise truly at ease and happy with the people he cares about, and your heart pangs in jealousy seeing his genuine smile. You were pulled out of your thoughts when you realized the gym became completely crowded, the constant chattering announcing huge crowds along the entrance and the lucky watchers at the 2nd floor with you.

You didn’t mind the onlookers when all you were focused on was Kise throughout the entire game with a smitten look, and you weren’t surprised when his team easily won against the other local school.

“That’s Kise isn’t it?” You were about to turn to leave the higher floor to wait outside the gym when you heard his name. You stop to eavesdrop on the conversation next to you.

“Yeah, I’ve been hearing about him way too much. Something about him dating now?”

“He’s dating (l/n) right now, which is super weird because they never even talked… and all of the sudden, they’re dating? I didn’t think of him to be into short-term flings.”

“You think he’s using (l/n) in some way? What an asshole.”

“Yikes. You’re probably not even that far off the bulls-eye. He’s a really heartless guy, from what I’ve heard.”

“Hey,” you interrupt, scaring the two girls out of their wits before they turn to you. “I don’t think you should talk about Kise like that when all you know of him is through speculation.”

“Ugh, here we go again with his fans…” one of them groans, rolling her eyes. “Look, I get it, he’s good-looking and all, but I don’t understand how you can defend him to death when he doesn’t even spare a glance at you… ah… shit, you’re (l/n)?” A flash of hurt was visible on your face for a split second before you frowned. Their words unintentionally hit the nail in the coffin.

“Whether I’m (l/n) or not doesn’t really matter,” you say angrily. “Gossiping about anyone like that isn’t something you should make a habit out of.”

“Jeez, let’s just leave,” the other girl whispers, dragging the first girl along.

You simply stand there watching them leave, but you can’t shake off what they said. They were right… how could you be so whipped for him when you know he’ll never see you the same way?

“Oy!”

Kise’s voice brings you back to your consciousness as he waves at you from the court. “You’ve been standing there for a while! Hurry up, or I’ll leave you behind, (y/n)-cchi!”

“Coming!” You race from the 2nd floor to the ground level to catch up to him, your heart pounding all the while. Did he… did he just…?

You shake your head before you reunite with him to walk home together. Stop it… don’t overthink it.

———

Kise waits at his usual spot to wait for you before walking to school together. It’s been three weeks since he’s approached you to “date.” He’s grown quite comfortable with this arrangement, being close to you and backing off when it’s convenient. After all, if you somehow showed a gruesome true self of yours, he’d be able to separate himself from you with no consequences… even if his heart would cry out not to.

“Ryōta!” There you are, running down the path towards him so cheerfully. Could you really be an awful person when you have such a pure smile like that?

“Ah, (y/n)-cchi,” he says. “We should hurry if we wanna be inside campus. It’s a little chilly today, so being indoors sounds really nice right now.” He peers over to your face to see your nose slightly red from the cold, and he huffs out a chuckle, noting the warm puff of air escaping from his own lips.

“I guess it’s a little cold today,” you say, looking up at Kise with a slight childish wonder. “Hey, that’s a pretty cool cloud that you puffed out.”

“You have some clouds around you too.” He gently smiles, and he notes that your eyes widen at the sight of him. “Wha? Is my face that horrific, (y/n)-cchi?” You avert your gaze as your cheeks grow just as red as your nose.

“Nah… i-it’s nothing…ah—” He holds your cheeks to turn your face back to him, and he draws near with a serious gaze, bumping his forehead against yours.

“You’re actually really cold…”

“Uh, um… I don’t think I’m c-cold anymore—” you stammer, your eyes darting to look everywhere but his face, and Kise’s eyes only scrutinize your behavior further.

“Hm, if you say so…” he mumbles. Your eyes flutter close at the anticipation, and he feels the pull towards your lips, closing his own lids shut…

Wait, what was he thinking? He snaps his lids open and slightly draws himself away to look at you, still vulnerable with your closed eyes. It’s only when he drops his hands from your cheeks and turns to walk ahead when you flutter your eyes open again. Don’t let your feelings for (y/n) blind you into figuring out who they really are.

“Come on,” Kise calls out to you. “We should get going… we don’t wanna be late.” Besides, what if there’s a possibility that you don’t really like him at all?

“Y-Yeah…”

The rest of the walk was in silence, with Kise slightly ahead of you. Perhaps if he turned around at least once to check on you, he would’ve seen the consequences of his actions.

You were silently crying the entire walk.

———

Nothing seems to change much for the entire month. The way the two of you dance and sway around each other, while never being too close, never being too affectionate, never being completely honest. In this shared rose-tinted world, the frail glass that holds these moments together threatens to break with every fickle interaction. Every shared kiss constitutes another small crack to the rose-tinted crystal.

And both of you are content with just the way things are.

Or that’s what you both mutter to yourselves like a mantra.

“Ryōta!” you call out to him. “Did you wait long?”

“Not really,” he says. “I just barely got out too… the teacher was really lenient on dismissal today, actually.” His heart swells at the sight of you as usual, but just as quickly, he’s always managed to quash his emotions in check.

For the first time, you initiate physical touch with him without hesitation, linking your hands with his and snuggling up to him. He flinches, not fast enough to process the sudden warmth of your body, and he immediately separates himself from you. Do you actually like him after all?… No, something is up, right?

“Ryōta…?” You flinch just as severely from the sudden reaction, and he turns to avoid looking at your face, knowing that his resolve would crumble right in front of you. He’s a coward, and he fucking knows it.

“S-Sorry, (y/n)-cchi! I don’t know what came over me like that, but you know you don’t have to force yourself to do things like that, right? There’s no one here, so let’s just walk home together like we always do, yeah?”

He turns to already walk ahead, too afraid of hearing your response and hoping you would follow and catch up to him… like you always do.

You simply stood there for a few moments, anguish clear as the sky above you as you keep telling yourself to manage your own expectations. Still, your voice croaks out quietly to respond to him, even if you knew he wasn’t going to hear it.

“… But I wanted to do these things with you, Ryōta.”

———

It’s been several days since that incident.

It was very awkward for the most part, the walks to and from school silent and suffocating. He’s not quite sure how to go about it while trying not to sound disingenuous about it. Nonetheless, even through his quiet apology, your face still lights up, and he’s confused about why you would ever be so forgiving of him.

Although today, lines have been crossed and this shared secretive world between the two of you have completely shattered to the point of no return.

It was quite a blur, an instinct that Kise has developed over the course of this relationship. Every time a group of students drew near, he was always ready to tug you close for a kiss until they left and carry on with their day. Today was usually no exception.

Another group of students was hanging around the corner, presumably spying on you two, and Kise did what he’s always done, grabbing your hand and embracing you for a kiss. Your eyes were blown open in surprise, but when you saw Kise’s eyes elsewhere, something finally snapped inside.

You push him away at his chest.

“U-Unagi… unagi…” Your voice trembles, and you use your arms to cover up the fresh tears. The code word sounds unbelievably stupid out of context, but at this moment, the word alone stabs Kise in his chest. “I-I… just stop… please.” Kise stares dumbly at you, processing the fact that you just used the agreed safe word against him.

“… (y/n)-cchi?” Kise asks with a confused smile. “You’ve never objected to kissing before… I’ve even told you what we’ll be doing if you agreed to this…?”

“How…” you choke on tears. “H-How can you kiss me like that while your eyes are on someone else…?”

“I don’t understand—”

“A-Am I that atrocious to kiss unless you stare at something else or there’s some convenience?”

“I don’t get it, (y/n)-cchi,” he frowns. “Did you expect more out of this or am I missing something?”

“There was no reason to kiss me like that,” you softly wail. “Everyone already knows we’re a thing for… o-over a month now. There’s no reason to kiss me around people anymore when they won’t suspect us anyways…”

“So you don’t want me to kiss you anymore?” Kise’s heart sinks in thinking about where this is going.

“No!—you don’t… you don’t fucking get it! I don’t get it—! Why are we doing this anymore—I just, I see no reason to continue this anymore… you already shooed off your fans, right? Why haven’t you ended this?!”

“(y/n)-cchi—I…” He reaches out for you, but you immediately recoil.

“No—please… no more, I can’t do this anymore!” you sniffle. “I can’t fucking do this… I’m done, I’m tired—please… just look for another person to take my place… I… I’m done—I can’t pretend with you anymore when I always expect more out of it like a love-stricken fool!”

“I…”

“Look—see,” you choke. “I’m just like everyone else who’s in love with you, I’m no different than everyone else R-Ryōta… so that’s why, I-I… can’t do this anymore!”

Kise stands there, staring at you running away from him. It was like everything had gone silent, save for the sound of his blood pounding in his ears.

“You think he’s using (l/n) in some way? What an asshole.”

“Yikes. You’re probably not even that far off the bulls-eye. He’s a really heartless guy, from what I’ve heard.”

He hated rumors, he really did… but for the first time, he feels like he deserves every word thrown at him around the hallways and classrooms. His memory flits to the time when he felt warm from seeing you standing up for him, even if he wasn’t bothered by them before. Now, the warmth is replaced by agonizing regret and guilt wracking through his entire body. His hands feel cold with you gone from his side.

What has he done?

———

He’s grown quiet for the next week.

It’s been a week since you ran from him, and it’s been a week since he last talked to you.

Even his teammates were concerned about his reserved behavior, but just as always, he’s managed to shoot them a convincing smile. Kasamatsu was more persistent about this but eventually dropped it seeing Kise’s refusal to talk about it.

That day when you pushed him away, he couldn’t sleep, his thoughts keeping him awake the entire night. He resolved himself to talk to you the next day… but he changed his mind the last minute… and then he told himself he’d do it the next day… and then he changed his mind again.

He tells himself that it’s because you rightfully hate him, with the way you’d surround yourself with other crowds and groups to prevent him from walking up to you when you were alone. He tells himself that it’s because both you and him needed space to cool off and go back to the way you two were. He refuses to tell himself that it’s because he’s an honest-to-god coward.

He misses you. He misses you damn badly. Why the fuck did he go through such lengths instead of confessing to you straight up? He tells himself that he was being cautious. He tells himself that he doesn’t want his heart to be broken again. He refuses to conclude that it’s because he’s a fucking coward.

“I don’t know what’s been on your mind, idiot,” Kasamatsu says. “But you better solve this yourself quickly if you’re not opening up to me about this. We can’t have your performance quality be dropping even in practice. Hurry up and fix this shit with (l/n)-san already.”

“H-How’d you know?!” Kise raises his head from his desk in astonishment.

“Tch, idiot,” he glowers, chopping Kise’s head with a swift hand. “It’s too obvious from the way you’re moping around… from the way you two stuck together all this time, who wouldn’t notice something happened from the way you’re at your desk watching (l/n)-san like that?”

“O-Ow…” Kise grumbles rubbing his head. Ironically, his captain’s hit cleared up his doubts and he took a deep breath before exhaling. “Got it, senpai.”

“You better.” Kasamatsu goes back to talking to his classmates during break, and even despite not knowing the truth of the relationship, he manages to give solid advice as usual.

Tomorrow. He’ll find you tomorrow.

———

He doesn’t know where else to find you alone other than the place he’s always waited for you before you two used to walk to school together. So he stands there, almost an hour earlier in case you had the idea to walk to school extremely early to avoid him at all costs.

He was right.

Here you are, shuffling your feet as you trudged yourself along the path and looking down at your feet. You even manage to walk past by him without noticing his presence.

Even if you’ve grown to hate him, he’s willed himself to come completely clean about his feelings to you for once. But a part of him is thinking to change his mind again and just let you slip away from his fingers. It’d spare the both of you the inevitable, right?

“R-Ryōta…?”

He was pulled from his thoughts, startled to see you staring at him from a short distance away. Apparently you did notice him after all.

“… (y/n)-cchi…” He swallows his words, knowing full well that his stupid words might blow this up for him again, his words responsible for all the rumors at school, his words responsible for hurting you and will hurt you again.

He wordlessly walks up to you and holds your cheek, and waits. He waits for you to push him away again. He waits for you to say the code word to let him know that you don’t want him near you again. The thought of you running away from him nearly brings him to tears, but he gulps his emotions down and stares at you calmly, with only his upturned brows hinting to his inner turmoil.

“Ryō—”

He swiftly brings his head down and kisses you. In feeling the warmth for the first time in a while, he greedily drinks from your lips, holding your temples more firmly as he searches for more, more, more.

You push him away.

Kise immediately lets go and stares at you like a lost child, unable to mask the devastation from the implications of your actions. But you’re still gripping his uniform tightly, almost as if you didn’t want to let go.

“W-Why…?” you croak, biting your lips to stop any tears from breaking through. “There’s no reason to kiss me. Don’t you know that we’re done? There’s no one to watch us here, no reason for you to walk me to school anymore. You know that, Ryōta. After all, we haven’t talked since a week ago, and you have the audacity to come here and kiss me like everything is okay—”

“… I want to kiss you, because there’s no one around, because there’s no other reason for me to.”

“Why…?” your voice softens to a whisper. “Don’t you hate anyone who likes you in that way? I… I already told you that I see you in that light, like many of your fans do. Don’t you hate me? Don’t you hate me for using this arrangement to get closer to you? Don’t you hate me for expecting something real out of this?”

“I already had an inkling of suspicion that you liked me, (y/n)-cchi,” Kise turns away to look at the bright morning sky. “I just didn’t know if I was wrong or not.”

“Then… why did you ask me to do this whole thing with you…?”

“Because I’m a coward,” he says, looking back to you. You were stunned into silence. For the first time, he finally admits what’s been weighing on his mind for weeks out loud, and his eyes, while drenched in shame, were full of resoluteness. “I liked you, but I was too afraid for the day when you ended up being not like the person I ended up liking. I liked you, but I was afraid of a real relationship that would tie me down. I liked you, but I was afraid of making huge decisions that involved another person into my life. I didn’t want to end the fake relationship because I was too fucking selfish… if I ended it, I’d lose the only connection I had with you… I’m sorry.”

Both of you went silent, bathed in the light of the rising sun. Kise drops to a squat to hide his face from you, and you knew he was trying to stop himself from tearing up. He knows how uncool he looks, but he had no right to cry when you were the one who got hurt the most.

“Ryōta, did you really find it difficult to kiss me…? Just… be honest.”

“Yes,” he looks up from his squat to stare at you with an intense look, even despite his puffy eyes. “Everytime I kissed you, I found it hard to control myself. I thought, what if you were using me to somehow get a kiss from me? or what if I couldn’t stop myself from kissing you and I ended up taking things too far? Looking anywhere but you at least stopped me from getting too invested…”

By now, both of you had turned completely red at his honesty, but he still found you frankly stunning even with your red, puffy eyes. “Look, (y/n)-cchi, don’t you hate me? I used you. The rumors are right—I’m a complete asshole. Just… I won’t blame you if you walk away right now.”

“You do know that I used this opportunity to get closer to you, right?… I wasn’t a saint about this either, so… I’m sorry too.” Both of you go silent again, and you slowly drop yourself to his level in a squat of your own in front of him.

“… C-Can we… can we start over?” you whisper, your warm breath tickling his chilled nose.

“(y/n)-cchi, I don’t think I’m capable of continuing this arrangement…”

“No,” you huff, before you tentatively press a chaste kiss to his lips. “I mean… can we… start over, but this time, as a real couple? I… want this relationship to be substantial. I really do like you, Ryōta.” You murmur against his lips with your hands on top of your knees, waiting for him to rebuke you away with an easygoing comment or a plastered smile.

But he doesn’t do any of that.

“I… guess we can try that,” Kise mumbles, gaze averted as his cheeks flame brighter than his nose and ears.

“Can you kiss me again?” you ask, your voice cracking at the end out of fear he’d turn down your request. Kise flicks his gaze back to you to see you equally red with a hesitant expression.

“Could you… close your eyes?” he asks with a frown.

“H-Huh?”

“Y-You don’t need to see me looking like a mess, I don’t look charming right now.”

“I… guess…” After a few moments of hesitation, you flutter your eyes shut, waiting apprehensively for his lips to descend onto yours again. Kise holds your cheeks and takes the time to admire your features for the first time, and his smile grows wider with every passing second.

‘R-Ryōta…?” Afraid of the fact that he actually may not like kissing you after all, you worriedly open your eyes, only to be greeted by the most brilliant smile from Kise, his figure illuminated by the sunshine hitting the back of his head at the perfect angle.

“(y/n)-cchi,” he teases with a small pout. “Didn’t I tell you to close your eyes?”

Who needs a rose-tinted lens when the sight before you is already so radiant to behold?

[halloweenhoneylover]

serendipity

summary: spencer cannot wait to propose, but you accidentally beat him to it (spencer reid x fem!reader)

word count: 5k

warnings: some language! some minor angst!

author’s note: this is 100% based on one of my favorite episodes of new girl (google doc name is winston bishop type shit), also this is mega self-indulgent so if u don’t like dinosaurs and/or ferns i’m sorry :/

You let out a satisfied hum. Everything was quite nearly perfect. Presently, you were sitting on a bench next to the little duck pond in the park by your apartment, and you watched as tendrils of the weeping willow grazed the surface, sending gentle ripples across the water. It seemed to glow in the dappled sunlight. An adorable duck family was nestled into some of the reeds, and your heart was happy as you watched the mother tending to her ducklings. This was your favorite spot in the entire city.

“Hey, Spence?” Your head rested on his shoulder as he read one of the Ray Bradbury novels that he loved dearly. You weren’t sure which one he was on now; he’d been determined to read his entire collection this weekend and had been flying through.

“Yes, dear?” His eyes didn’t leave the pages, but you didn’t mind.

“What do you call a group of ducks?”

“There’s a couple names actually. It can be called a raft, team, or paddling; it’s a matter of preference.” Finally, he shifted his gaze toward you, and he couldn’t help the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. The flush of your cheeks and the wisps of your hair, he was so incredibly enamored, he loved you so much. And he was so excited to let you know so soon, but not quite yet.

“I think I like paddling.”

“Yeah, me too.” Shutting his eyes to revel in this moment, he pressed a kiss to the crown of your head. 

“Hey, Spence?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Do you wanna get married?”

What.

Spencer floundered in the absolute contradiction of feelings that he found himself submerged in in that moment. Ice flooded his veins, and his face heated. His blood pressure skyrocketed, and oh God, it’s not supposed to happen like this. Yes, he loves her terribly, and yes, he absolutely wants to marry her, but he had a plan! An incredibly intricate and thoughtful twenty-two step plan that was going to take place over the course of the next month. It was all laid out in an entire binder in his desk. All he could muster in response was an extremely eloquent, “Uh—well, uh—”

Oblivious to his inner turmoil, you finally lifted your head to look at him with the biggest heart eyes he’s ever seen, and he can’t help but feel so, so guilty. “I just thought, why not, you know? Spencer, I love you a whole lot, and I’m pretty sure you love me a whole lot too. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I want the rest of my life to start right now.” 

“No.”

Judging by the look on your face, that was clearly not the answer you were expecting. “No?”

“Uh, yeah, no.” God, stupid dumb idiot, telling the girl you want to marry that you don’t want to marry her. What’s the point of having 187 IQ points if you use exactly none of them when it actually matters?

“No, you don’t want to marry me?” Your heart dropped into your stomach and was falling further and further every passing second.

“Wait no, hold on—” 

“No, I get it,” you choked out, hastily standing up from the bench. “Actually, I don’t get it, but that doesn’t really matter, I guess.” You jammed your arms into the sleeves of your jacket, so you could get out of this moment as soon as humanly possible. Holy shit, had you been blind-sided. “Um, I think I’m gonna go hang out with Penelope, might spend the night, I’m not sure. Enjoy your book.” And with that, you were speeding down the path out of the park.

“Wait, (Y/N/N)!” Spencer tried to gather his belongings to run after you, but you had a head start, and he couldn’t gather all of the books in his arms fast enough. Leave the books!!! Go after her!!! But you had already turned the corner and were out of sight.

With his books finally secure, Spencer sprinted in the direction of your shared apartment. He needed to fix this. And fast.

———

Morgan sat at his desk peacefully looking over the plans for a house he was renovating when the phone rang, and he couldn't help but internally groan at the sound. If Hotch is calling on his weekend off, so help him God, he would hang up and chuck the phone out the window.

Instead, he was met with Garcia’s voice, which was so loud he had to pull the phone away from his ear. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, mama. Let’s take it down a few notches.”

“Alright, fine, babycakes,” she hissed, and Derek was shocked at the unfamiliar venom in her tone. “Would you please be so kind as to explain to me why your dear friend Reid is the most evil, most reprehensible, most despicable—”

“Garcia, what are you talking about?”

“You mean that little rat boy hasn’t come crawling to you explaining his crimes?”

Despite his infinite patience for her antics, he sighed quietly. “I’m in the dark, baby girl, but I’m sure whatever Reid did, it can’t be that bad.”

“Oh, it can be that bad! He told (Y/N) that he didn’t want to marry her.”

“He did what?” Derek’s eyes were practically popping out of his head at the news. There’s no way that happened.

“He said that he didn’t want to marry our precious lily flower (Y/N)! I love that boy, but now, (Y/N) is here bawling her eyes out on my couch, and I don’t know what to do!”

His heart broke a little at the thought of his friend being so devastated, but he couldn’t help the roaring confusion that plagued him. Derek knew that Spencer was planning to propose to you; he’d seen the binder. He’d even been recruited to help with Steps 4, 9, 10, and 18! 

Oh.

And that’s when Derek had a sneaking suspicion as to what had occurred. “Penelope, were his exact words ‘I don’t want to marry—” But his attention was drawn away from the phone by a knock on the door.

Speak of the devil….

“Garcia, I gotta go, but tell (Y/N) everything’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna have a word with our boy.”

“Oh my God, is he there with you?! That little bastard—” He hung up before her words could become any sharper, and the knocking became frantic.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming!” He jogged to go unlock the door. “You’re gonna knock the door down, kid.”

The door swung open to reveal Spencer, huffing and puffing with a red face and a binder in arm. “Morgan, I am the stupidest man to ever walk the Earth.”

“Did you run here?”

Ignoring the question, he pushed past him with an agitated step. “I am a complete idiot, a dumbass, if you will.”

Morgan shut the door and crossed his arms, walking to stand opposite Reid who had sat on the couch with his head in his hands. “Yeah, I might agree with you on that one. Garcia called me, told me (Y/N) is crying on her couch ‘cause you told her you didn’t want to marry her, which I know is not true.”

“I didn’t say that!” he cried, gesticulating wildly. “Not exactly. She asked me if I wanted to get married—”

“And what did you say?”

His hesitation was palpable. “...No.”

“Yeah, I’d say that constitutes dumbass behavior, especially because I know you only said that because you have your proposal all planned out, and you want it to be perfect.”

“Morgan, you don’t get it,” he implored, the desperation evident in his eyes, and Derek finally started feeling a little bad for the kid, an inkling of sympathy squirming in his gut. “No one deserves the most perfect proposal more than (Y/N). No one. You know how she’s always felt unwanted, and she’s told me that she felt like she always has to ask for love, and I couldn’t let her feel like that with me. I had to make sure that she had a special proposal because she’s special. And I want her to know without having to ask that I want her more than anything else in this world.”

Reid looked down at the toes of his scuffed Converse, hoping that he hadn’t permanently fucked up his best chance at happiness, and Morgan’s expression softened. “I know, kid. And I’m not trying to rub salt in the wound, but you do know that this was not the best way of letting her know that she’s wanted and loved?”

“Yes, I know, Morgan,” he muttered, voice breaking around the slug in his throat. “I wasn’t thinking.”

A sigh. “No, you weren’t. But I’m gonna help you fix it.”

Reid looked up with wide eyes. “Really?”

“You both deserve to be happy...even if you make some pretty stupid choices sometimes.” 

Reid didn’t think he’d ever felt so grateful for his friend, and he offered a smile in gratitude. “Thanks. But I don’t even know where to start.”

Quirking an eyebrow and returning with a grin, Morgan picked up the binder from the table where it had been set. “I’ve got a couple ideas.”

——— 

“How is she doing?”

“Erm, it’s not looking great,” Garcia responded.

She was openly hostile when Reid had called her (he’d never been on the receiving end of Garcia’s wrath (so few people had been), and he was sure that was something he never wanted to experience again), but she’d finally restrained herself and offered a little empathy (not a lot though, she was too loyal to (Y/N) for that) when he had explained himself. However, when she’d been informed of the plan to apologize, regain your love and trust and to maybe, just maybe, ask for your hand in marriage, she had wholeheartedly avowed her support and pledged her help despite still being a little miffed at boy genius’ idiocy.

“She’s been sitting on the floor of the bathroom for an hour listening to Landslide on repeat and crying, so I would say she’s, um…not well.”

Spencer winced at that, and he felt physically sick at the thought that you were hurting because of him. His heart clenched unbearably, and he wished so badly that he could take back his words and just say yes, but unfortunately for him, time is linear, and he was just going to have to do his best to fix things.

“I just need a couple more hours to get everything ready.”

“Well, hurry up, pretty boy! I love our girl immensely, but if I have to hear Stevie Nicks mourn the passage of time and love one more time, I will lose my mind.”

“Garcia, please, just be patient.”

She groaned. “You’re lucky I love you.” And with that, she hung up.

——— 

You huffed a sigh, clutching to your chest a shiny pink pillow covered in sequins and giving Garcia the biggest puppy eyes you could muster. “Please, Penny, let’s not go out to dinner. Let’s just stay in and order Cheesecake Factory; you love Cheesecake Factory!”

“You’re right I do, but I love you more, and right now, you need to get up and get some fresh air!” The almost excessive amount of peppiness in her voice and her refusal of Cheesecake Factory was slightly suspicious, but you didn’t really have time to consider it as she dragged you up off the couch and to the door.

“Okay, counterpoint: what if you went out for dinner, and I stayed in and wallowed in self-pity?”

By the look on her face, you knew your evading tactics were not going to fly. She tutted slightly and said, “You’ve got to know I can’t let you do that. I’m legally obligated to stay with you until you feel better, that’s the deal when you’re friends with me.” She grabbed your coat, holding it open for you. 

Reluctantly, you sighed and slid your arms in, grumbling, “You’re too nice for your own good.”

“Well, that’s very sweet of you, but let’s get a move on!” And with that, she herded you out the door.

——— 

It was a nice dinner, the two of you out on the town, and for a while, you were granted the solace of distraction. Garcia took you into the city, and somehow it felt a little easier to breathe there under the streetlights amidst a bustling Saturday night crowd. You nestled together in some street corner diner, ordering an absurd amount of food and jabbering on about anything and everything. If she noticed the moments when you fell silent, eyes distant and glassy, (and she definitely did), she never said anything; she just offered a new topic and redirected you from the very sad place that was thoughts of Spencer. And you would latch on eagerly, seizing the opportunity to forget.

So, you spent the evening with late night waffles and french fries and milkshakes and the unending source of cheer that was Penelope Garcia, and by the end of it, your mind didn’t immediately redirect to that morning’s tragedy, which Garcia would define as a success. Together, you found your way back to her car, and you tumbled into the passenger seat, your eyelids immediately fluttering shut. Penelope grinned and drove off.

When you woke again, you were engulfed in bewilderment and not just the regular post-nap disorientation. “Penny, why are we at the National Mall? This is the opposite direction of your house.”

She tapped her acrylics on the steering wheel and nervously surveyed the street in front of her, trying to escape your prying gaze. “Uh—no reason!”

Too exhausted from your day of grief and distraction to be suspicious of her terrible lying, you leaned your head back against the seat, watching the glow of the streetlamps as they roved over the interior of the car.

Garcia seized this movement to set the next part of Reid’s plan in motion. “Hey! You know, what’d be fun is if we went to the Natural History museum! There’s nothing better to cheer you up than dusty old dinosaur bones.” (She didn’t necessarily understand the appeal, but she was trying her best.)

A small chuckle escaped you. “As much as I’d love that, it closed at nine, so we wouldn’t even be able to get in anyway.”

Garcia’s mind thundered furiously as she tried to come up with some way to get you in that freaking building. “Let’s just walk past! Take a peek through the windows, see what we can see!”

Something in you sensed that she wasn’t going to let this go, so you relented as she finagled some sort of street parking that was definitely illegal. You could barely get your seatbelt off before she was dragging you the stone steps, the massive corinthian columns looming. You squeaked a quick Penelope! and tried to keep up. Entirely ready to give up and head back to the car when she tried the door, your mouth fell open in shock when it gave way with ease. 

“Oh, look! It’s open! Let’s go inside.”

She didn’t wait for you to respond before she was ducking in the building, and you followed, completely and utterly baffled. Stumbling into the atrium, you were met by a receptionist at the desk. She smiled warmly, “Miss (Y/L/N), I presume?”

You nodded slowly before turning to Garcia whose devious smirk was undeniable. “Penny, what is going on?”

She grabbed your hands and looked at you with tears in her eyes. (Where the hell did those come from?) “Just remember that you’re a very forgiving person, and that sometimes the smartest of us can also be the most stupid.”

Furrowing your brows at that slightly cryptic message, you went to respond when the receptionist stood and said, “If you would, miss, please follow me.”

And so you walked with this stranger through the empty halls, the click of her heels echoing. It was odd to see a space that was normally flushed with people completely empty, and you studied the walls as you walked. “Um, may I ask what’s going on?”

The receptionist grinned, “I’m sorry, but I’m under strict instructions from Dr. Reid to not reveal anything.”

Strict instructions from Dr. Reid. You gasped a little at that, and your thoughts raged with possibilities of what Spencer could possibly have planned. If this was an elaborate attempt at an apology, you were a little overwhelmed; the little dispute this morning absolutely did not necessitate a response of this degree. Sure, you were disappointed, and you needed time to deal with it away from him, but you weren’t mad at him, not really. You had talked about marriage and knew that it was something you both wanted, but you had never discussed when. If he wasn’t ready to marry you quite yet, that was fine; you’d adjust. You were pretty sure you’d wait a whole lifetime for him. Besides, you had sprung it on him quite abruptly, and you knew Spencer and that he was not always well-equipped to deal with monumental change, and how could you blame him for that? You’d wait as long as he needed. 

“Here we are!”

Her words broke you from your thoughts, and you looked up to realize you were at the Hall of Fossils. (You had always been fond of the dinosaurs.) Glancing at the girl, you asked, “What do I do now?”

She laughed a little at that. “Just go inside. Take a look around.” And with that, she turned around, leaving you to wander the exhibit. 

So you ambled easily through the prehistoric relics and fossilized memories of a past Earth. It was rather haunting, the eerie silence and the illuminated dinosaur skeletons. You peered down at one of the explanatory plaques and instead found a blue post-it note. COLD. A grin wormed its way onto your face, and you jogged a little to the next plaque. GREENHOUSE GASES—WARMER. Spencer was always one for a game. So you zig-zagged through, collecting post-its. GLACIAL PERIOD—COLDER. CRETACEOUS WARMING. EOCENE KIND OF HOT! 

With the last note, you looked up and gasped yet again. Spencer was standing in a sea of different plants and flowers placed throughout the central clearing, and donning his signature tight-lipped smile and your favorite of his cardigans, he gave you a small wave. “Hi.”

“Hello.” Your response was breathless, and now that you had met his eyes, you couldn’t tear yours away. A weight lifted from your lungs, it was such a relief to see him, and you hadn’t realized how much you had missed him in the hours you spent apart until you could breathe properly again. “Fancy seeing you here.”

He chuckled at that, but the tension in his shoulders never released; he was clearly anxious, but for what reason, it was hard to say. 

An amusing gleam in his eye, he replied, “Same to you.” 

“How did you get into the museum after hours?”

He took the moment to examine the toes of his shoes, replying delicately, “I have friends in high places.”

“Ah, Dr. Reid, I always forget that you ruled the world of academia before your time fighting crime.”

He paused for a moment before continuing. “Do you remember our first date?”

You gave him a tender smile, and his racing heartbeat eased ever so slightly, you just had that kind of effect on him. “Well,” you began, “I remember you were wearing that cardigan, the one that I love, and I was so nervous I thought I was going to pass out—”

“I was definitely more nervous. I was so anxious I forgot who Carl Sagan was at one point.”

“I’d forgotten about that!” You giggled at the memory. “But I remember being in this room, and we were making stupid dinosaur puns, and I believe I told you that you are dino-mite….”

He nodded meekly with a subdued grin. “I think that was the moment I fell in love with you.” Meeting his eyes once again, you felt the wind knocked out of you. The utter honesty you found radiating from his soft golden irises hurt your heart, and it was impossible to not believe him. He fell in love on the first date, how sweet and lovely and perfectly Spencer is that?

You took a breath and began to walk closer, skimming a hand over the lush greenery around you. “You know, the last time I was here, I didn’t remember there being so much flora.” 

As if he had forgotten the miniature forest that surrounded him, he surveyed the plants surrounding him. There was a sea of succulents and ferns and honeysuckle and peonies and almost every other plant under the sun. “Yes, they’re a new addition. And if I recall correctly, it seems that lots of your favorites have made an appearance.”

“It does appear that way.”

He reached out to gently lift one strand of a nearby fern. “I believe you’ve mentioned before that you would ‘take a fern over a flower any day of the week.’”

“That would explain why they seem to be taking over the windowsills of our apartment.”

“True. Did you know that in the Victorian floriography, the fern represented sincerity and humility? So maybe if somebody had made a stupid mistake and they were trying to let someone know that they were really sorry, they might give a fern to say that they know they were being an idiot and they felt really bad for what they did.”

You laughed airily, “No, I was not aware of that fact.”

He closed the gap between you, reaching to tuck an errant lock of hair behind your ear. He simultaneously managed to pull a small bouquet of purple-ish flowers from thin air, causing more laughter to bubble from you. The laughing is a good sign, he thought, grinning. Keep going! “To really drive the point home, they might also give some columbine which represents foolishness.”

You looked up at him, your expression bright. “Oh man, this guy feels really bad.”

“Yeah,” he agreed before his words took a more somber cadence. “Yeah, he does.”

Your face softened. “Spence—” 

“Um, before you say anything else, (Y/N), I just need to let you know how sorry I am for this morning. I love you so, so much, and I never want you to doubt that, and—”

“Spencer, slow down. Really, it’s okay! I’m not mad.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re not angry with me, but it’s not okay because you still deserve an apology. A good apology. So,” he took a deep breath, “I am so very sorry for my actions and for letting you think for even a second that you’re not the most important thing in my life, and I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you that I want to marry you when you asked because I do. I really, really do.”

Something warm and elated simmered in your stomach, and you beamed at him. “I’m glad because I wanna marry you too.” But before you could get too caught up in the moment, you remembered your earlier thoughts. “I don’t want to push you in any way, though, or make you commit to anything before you’re ready because marriage is kind of a big deal, and I’m happy to wait. Spencer Reid, I’d wait for you forever.”

“I don’t want to wait.” He shook his head and began digging in his pocket. 

Your eyes widened in shock and spluttered, “Spence, seriously, if you’re not ready—”

“I am ready.” Finally, he found it and pulled out a small velvet box, looking you dead in the eye. “(Y/N/N), I have been planning this for so long because I wanted it to be perfect for you. You deserve nothing less than the absolute best, and I wanted to give that to you.”

His admission gave you pause. “Wait, you’ve had this planned?”

“I’ve been planning this for months! This isn’t me trying to fumble around and fix my mistake. I have a binder and everything, you can ask Derek. That’s the only reason I said no!”

“You said no because you had a binder for your proposal plan?” you teased.

You both broke out into laughter at that.

Recovering his breath and trying to suppress his ever-growing grin, he said, “No, that’s not why. The only reason I said no earlier is because I needed to show you how much I wanted to say yes. You deserve the best, you deserve every star in the sky and every beautiful thing on this earth, and I wanted to make sure I gave that to you when we decided to spend the rest of our lives together because I want to be enough for you.” Trying to swallow around the slug in his throat, he continued, voice breaking slightly. “This is me giving you all the love I have to offer. You’re it for me, (Y/N). And frankly, I don’t want to spend another second without you.”

He settled on one knee and opened the box, looking up at you with the gentlest gaze and a pounding heart. The wetness of your eyes matched his, and you gave him a watery smile. “I’m saying yes now. I would really, really like to marry you, (Y/N/N), if you’ll still have me.”

“Of course, you absolute dork.” Yanking him up from the ground and grinning like a madman, you grabbed his face and pulled him in for the messiest kiss. He clutched your waist and held you as close as he could possibly manage. (His desire to never be parted seemed to be coming to fruition in the sort of melding of bodies that was occurring.) Clashing teeth and knocking noses, it was hard to settle things when neither of you could stop beaming. Overwhelmed by the complete and utter joy bubbling up in his chest, Spencer hugged you tightly before spinning you in a circle, both of you devolving into boisterous giggles. 

“Wait,” he murmured. “I forgot to give you the ring, I still need to seal the deal!” To which, you responded with another peal of laughter (something he thought he would never tire of hearing), as his trembling fingers floundered for the ring.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works, but I’ll take it either way.”

He finally secured, and taking your hand in his ever so gently tenderly, he slid a glimmering emerald on your finger. 

“Oh, Spencer, it’s beautiful.” He let out a sigh of relief. With light confusion, you asked, “What’s the sigh for, handsome?”

“I know you wanted a special ring, but when I went ring shopping with Derek, there was nothing I thought you’d like, so I special-ordered one from this shop that was going to be your size and everything, but that ring wasn’t going to be ready for a couple weeks. So today, when I knew I had to propose tonight, I ran to that vintage store you love and came across this one, and I thought you’d like it, but I wasn’t sure it was gonna fit, and—”

“I love it,” you looked at him, trying to will him to understand the depth of your sincerity. “And it fits perfectly!”

“How serendipitous.” He thought his face was going to split in half, he was smiling so wide. He couldn’t stop looking at the ring on your finger. How could one silly little rock make tears well in his eyes? Nonetheless, the sight of it made his heart race and his stomach churn with unrepentant butterflies because looking at it, he knew the girl he loved more than anything else on the planet, his favorite person had chosen to spend the rest of her life listening to his rambles and laughing at his jokes and sitting next to him by the pond in the park. The listless dream that had seemed so hopeless and romantic finally came to fruition in that shiny green stone, so no, he would not stop staring. 

“Indeed,” you mused, subtle and irresistible risibility fizzing in the silence that followed. You contemplated for a moment before asking, “What do we do now?”

A thoughtful frown graced his lips, and then he shrugged. “We have the museum until midnight. We could just wander for a bit.”

Your eyes widened to the size of dinner plates and you tugged on his sleeve, your excitement palpable. “I’ve always wanted to be in a museum when no one’s around at night! Oh my god, Spencer, it’s just like Night at the Museum!”

He quirked a brow, and a sly smirk turned up the corners of his mouth. “Does that mean I have to protect you when the dinosaur skeletons come to life?”

You scoffed, “Please, we both know that I’d be the one protecting you.”

Another devolution into giggling. It seemed to be your thing tonight.

“Fair enough.” 

“Also, do we get to keep all of these plants?” His eyes remained glued to your flushed face as you peered around the room. He wasn’t ashamed to admit just how besotted he was, shamelessly beaming at his fiancée. 

“I bought them for you, so yeah.”

“Sick! Our apartment’s gonna turn into a little greenhouse!”

He extended a crooked arm to you, to which you looped yours in his and proceeded to set off on your museum adventure. You learned your head on his shoulder as you walked, completely and perfectly and incandescently happy.

“Hey, Spence?”

“Yes, dear?”

“I love you very much.”

“I love you too, dear.”

[aarons-main-blog]

I changed my mind, and decided to que this up immediately after posting the first one. I won't be home when you see this because I'm attending a funeral, but tell me what you think of it and I will see you when I get home!

Note: this was made on Google docs mobile, so when I get a chance I will actually use tab instead of just paragraphs.

"Wars, you said you knew the area!"

"I thought I did, but this is sure as hell not the same way I remember! Those ruins we passed back there? Those are completely new to me! This forest? I don't even recognize half of these plants! We should have reached a town hours ago!"

"Hey, stop fighting, you two, or-"

The group Link had been following for the last few hours came to a halt as the one with pink-tipped hair argued with the one with a blue scarf. He couldn't tell if they were a threat yet, they just seemed like lost travelers. Then again, that was the main way the Yiga clan tried to trick him. 

Pinky and Wars kept arguing, until finally the smallest one in rainbow colors seemed to snap. "How about we admit it. We are lost, and just happened to find something that reminded Wars of home. It was NOONE's fault, because we ignored the obvious signs something was wrong. Now, we are lost in the middle of a forest, and unless you have an idea of what we should do, then SHUT UP!"

The group all seemed shocked by his outburst, Link and the rainbow included, and once they all seemed to get over it, the kid apologized. "Sorry, I didn't mean to yell."

The oldest one, probably the leader, said, "No, it's ok. Today has been a long day, and everyone seems on edge. Perhaps we should set up camp early, does that sound good to everyone?"

The group nodded collectively, and started to set up in the clearing that could barely fit all of them. The one in a green tunic and no pants volunteered for the night's first watch, and while it wouldn't be for a while, they seemed relaxed a bit more by the fact someone was willing to do it. 

Link, who had been hiding a good distance away from them, stood up. He got a stealth potion that would last him a few hours at least ready, then decided he would investigate that night.

As the sun set, an awful smell enveloped the forest. "Legend, what did you do?!"

"I don't know! It was fine a minute ago!"

"It's smoking! How did you burn SOUP of all things?!"

"I didn't burn it, it just got too hot!"

"Because you ****ed up, Legend! That's literally how things burn up!"

"Wind, watch your mouth."

Link had just come back from following the path the group of strangers had taken, looking to see if they dropped anything interesting, when he heard the commotion. It smelled like burning hair or that one shrine he had found with the awful cook. Maybe they were cousins? 

As Link got closer to get a better look, he saw four people standing around a large cooking pot with a brown/green liquid with chunks in it. Pathetic. Are all of them as bad cooks as that one? Link was amazed they had survived however long they had been traveling. 

Pinkey poked the 'soup' with a wooden ladle. "It's still edible, look, the vegetables seem cooked enough."

 "With all due respect, I don't know if I would want to eat that," the kid in a blue shirt said with a grimace. "I don't know if anyone else would either."

The old one took the ladle and used it to try a small sip of what they were calling a soup, and his face scrunched up immediately. 

"Uh, Time?" The blue kid tapped the man's shoulder. 

The man swallowed the drink, coughed, then said, "It is… certainly better than last time."

A few of the others gave their opinions, from encouraging to neutral, before deciding it was better than nothing. 

None of them looked that happy about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After what theoretically could have been called dinner, the one in the green tunic, which Link had identified as being named "Hyrule," started circling around the camp, gradually making them larger and larger before returning close and starting again. Near the middle of the third round, Link drank his stealth potion and snuck into the campsite. 

There was a young adult in tan with a tall belt, there was a boy in blue(wind), there was a kid in rainbow, there was a young adult with a wolf pelt on his shoulders, still on in his sleep for some reason, there was one in red with pink hair tips(legend), and then there was the leader. Link got a good look at him. He had a fancy set of armour, a big sword, a bad eye, but the strangest thing was he had familiar markings covering his face. They were almost the same… 

As the ones Link saw in nearly every mirror, looking right back at himself. 

"Time?"

Link turned towards the voice to see the one called Hyrule looking at him. He had to play this right. "Yes?"

"Oh, thank the goddess. What are you up to?"

"I couldn't sleep, so I was going to see if you wanted off early." This was dangerous. If he realized the real Time was sleeping soundly next to him, he would wake up all the others, and then he'd have eight grumpy travelers armed to the teeth on his trail in seconds. 

"You sure that's ok with you?"

"Yes, get some rest."

"Thanks, Time," the boy said with a smile. "I will."

Link somewhat directed Hyrule towards the opposite side of where Time was. He was extremely lucky the fire was ruining the boy's night vision. 

"Time?"

Link stopped and turned his head a bit. "Yeah?"

There was a pause. "Thank you for being here for us."

Link smiled. "You don't have to mention it," mimicking the somewhat fancy way he had heard Time use words. "Goodnight."

Hyrule mumbled it back, seemingly exhausted from the travel. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, Hyrule woke up feeling well rested. The birds were singing a song only they knew, the trees provided shade from the early morning sun, the wind rustled leaves and bushes softly, and a nice smell emanated from the cooking pot. 

Wait, did someone cook something edible? Hyrule shot up, feeling excited to see what had made someone unlock their inner cook. 

"Hey, mornin, Hyrule!" 

"Goodmorning, Wind! What's cooking?"

Wind was grinning like an idiot. "No idea, but none of us made it, that's for sure! Four woke up and saw it cooking, then woke up the rest of us, except for you and sky. Time says you didn't wake him up for his shift, so we thought you could use some re-"

Hyrule was confused. "Wait, what? Run that by me one more time." 

Wind's grin fell just a little bit, before coming back up. "Four woke up first, saw something was cooking, and woke everyone but you and sky because we thought you must have kept watch the whole night. Is that not what happened?"

"Yeah, Time said he couldn't sleep last night, so he took over the watch early for me."

Time, who had been listening in, said "I think I would know my sleep schedule better than you would. You didn't wake me up last night, and I didn't wake myself up, that's for certain."

"Then who-"

Four hit the pot a few times. "Breakfast is ready, guys!"

The questions could wait. Nobody had had a good meal for at least a week or two, so they were excited to try the mysterious meal.

It. Was. Delicious!

After discussion, it was determined to be a mushroom, meat and rice based meal. The meat used was probably venison, and a high quality type at that. It was served with some mushrooms nobody recognized but everybody loved, and a strange rice they couldn't find an exact comparison of.

Idle conversation was of generally positive things and how beautiful the world was. All of their problems seemed far away, and the day promised to be a great one. As the last of the food was eaten up, and the bowl was starting to be wiped as clean as it would get, Twilight brought up the question on everyone's mind. 

"I wonder who made this for us."

"Maybe it was a ghost!" Wind exclaimed.

"Maybe it was a passing traveler?" Four said at the same time.

Legend laughed. "It was not a ghost, you idiot!"

"You don't know that," Wind huffed. "I met a ghost once, she was nice!"

"You did NOT meet a ghost!"

"Yeah I did!"

"Cut it out you two," Time said with his signature 'stop' look. "Whoever did it, they must have been a nice person. Don't argue about things this good, ok?"

"Ok!" Wind said. Legend just scoffed. 

Nobody noticed the person sitting on top of a tree, fiddling a strange ocarina.

I hope this was ok! I will be the first to admit my writing style isn't the best, but I think this is one of my better works at the moment. Comments and criticism is appreciated, and I may edit this if I find stupid things I want to change/fix. I should be home Friday, probably Thursday afternoon. Anyway, see you next time!

[sourskywalker]

Perfidious

PERFIDIOUS: deceitful and untrustworthy.

SUMMARY: You’d been in a secret relationship with your Master, Anakin Skywalker, which ended up in you getting pregnant...Everything had been going well...Until everything changed (reader is of age, don’t worry)

“Padme? Padme, chancellor-” You stopped mid-step, eyes widening at the sight in front of you, your hand flies to your swollen stomach. Your voice apparently wasn’t loud enough because it seemed that neither Padmé nor Anakin heard you. Though, that could be because of how loud Anakin was being “Anakin…” You whispered, taking an unconscious step back, you couldn’t look any longer and with half-lidded eyes you turned on your heel and ran out the front door of the apartment.

The Coruscant weather had changed drastically in the few minutes that you were inside Padmé’s apartment and your hands flew to your arms, rubbing at the goosebumps that rose on your skin while your head remained glued to the ground, ignoring the strange looks people were giving you. A pregnant padawan was definitely a sight. No matter how much you tried, the images wouldn’t go away, and you felt stress and anxiety creep up through the back of your mind until all you could feel was hurt and betrayal.

You couldn’t remember when you got into your speeder, or, when you arrived at the Senate...The almost unnoticeable pain that started in your lower belly had started to blossom into a more pronounced aching feeling which was raining down on your whole body.

“Y/n..? Y/n!” You refused to look up, your eyes tightly shut as you tried to will away the tears that were threatening to fall

Finally you felt your knees crumble, and you were ready for the stinging pain of carpet meeting knees. But nothing came, instead warm hands grabbed your arms and pulled you up, before letting you fall forward, your head hitting the firm chest.

“Oh god it hurts” You gasp out, it felt like a painful punch to the gut, and then water trickled down your leg and onto the expensive carpeting

“We must get you to a medcenter” You recognised the voice as Bail Organas, who managed to swoop you into his arms “Guards! Get a ship ready, now!” Your head rolled slightly sideways so you could see everything happening, a ship slowly lowering onto the ground and the ramp hissing opening

“I came here as soon as I could” Obi-Wan panted, hands falling to his knees as he tried to regulate his breathing, before he stood straight “She wasn’t due for another month”

“The droid says that both shock and stress caused her to go into an early labour” Obi-Wan walked into the room you were resting in 

“Y/n? It’s Obi-Wan”

“Obi-Wan” you muttered softly, your serene face made it seem like you were under something “I found out the most shocking thing”

“Do tell” Obi-Wan pulled up a chair and sat beside you, his much larger hand covering your smaller one

“I-i found out that the man who got me pregnant is bedding another woman...who’s also pregnant!” You laughed loudly until it eventually died down “I..I knew they were close. But, I guess I was so oblivious to see how close”

“Who, Y/n? Who is the man who got you pregnant” Obi-Wan asked, leaning forward in his chair “You told us everything else but who the father is”

“The father is-” But your sentence was cut off short by a scream that ripped itself from your throat and bounced off the walls of the sterile room “Kriff”

The nurse droid quickly bustled over to you, datapad in hand “She’s ready”

Obi-Wan let out a nervous puff of breath, his grip on your hand tightening “If the pain is too much, squeeze my hand” You nod, already feeling sweat form on your hairline as the droid made quick work to set up the final preparations

“When the next contraction comes, I want you to push” The droid states, a mechanical hand resting on your propped up knees, you nodded, breathing in and out quickly until a sharp pain hit you like a speeder and you let out a groan, hand clamping down tightly on Obi-Wans as you pushed as hard as you can

Throughout the whole ordeal you screamed and let out a few swear words. But never cried...The realisation of what happened within a few hours hadn’t fully hit you.

“Come on Y/n, just one more push” Obi-Wan urged, his hand squeezing yours

You felt yet another twinge of pain and sat up, your hand clutched his tightly, teeth gritted in concentration as you used all of your strength to push

“That’s it!” Obi-Wan exclaimed, his other hand pushing strands of hair that were stuck to your forehead away

“Girl” The droid announced, picking up the screaming baby and laying her on your chest

“Hello, my little one” You smiled tiredly “I’ll be taking good care of you”

“You’ll be taking care of her?” Obi-Wan’s eyes widened “I thought you were going to give her away to the Jedi”

“I was, but after the whole ordeal I don’t want my baby anywhere near her father” You kissed the top of her head which was covered in birth fluids before handing her off to the nurse droid to get her cleaned

“So the father is a Jedi” You nodded in confirmation “Have you thought of a name?”

“Yes...Shmi, after her grandmother”

~~~~

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Windu asked, helping place the last of your luggage into the ship

“I’m certain, Master Windu” You responded, adjusting the cloth woven baby sling which held your daughter protectively “I know you were prepared to go great lengths in order to secure my position at the temple whilst the baby is raised without any knowledge of who I am. But I just want to raise my daughter in peace”

“I understand” He stood up straighter

You looked past his shoulder and saw Obi-Wan carrying a basket of food “Thought you might want something”

“Thank you Obi-Wan” You smiled, grabbing the basket and placing it down on beside everything else “Remember what I told you both”

“Outside of this ship nobody knows you’re alive” Mace repeated your words from earlier “Including your former master Anakin Skywalker”

“As far as anyone knows I died in childbirth and so did the baby” The two Jedi Masters nodded “It was a pleasure serving alongside you and I cannot thank you enough for the opportunity you gave me”

“Good luck Y/n” Obi-Wan gave your shoulder a comforting squeeze before he walked down the ramp

“Goodbye Y/n” You raised a hand, ready to give Mace a handshake, but he shocked you when he pulled you into an awkward hug which lasted only a few seconds before quickly he walked down the ramp his arms resting behind him as both he and Obi-Wan strode off

The ramp hissed shut and you quickly moved to sit down on the pilot's chair, punching in the coordinates to Leshef, an outer rim planet that was only inhabited by a large village and decorated in lush trees and plants.

You watched as the bustling streets of Coruscant left your view until it was nothing but a speck. You clutched onto Shmi as the ship went into hyperspace.

You didn’t know it now, but your decision to leave the Jedi saved your life

~~~~

“Obi-Wan!” Anakin waved his former master over “I told Y/n two days ago that our lesson would be at the meditation rooms, it’s been nearly two hours since the lesson was meant to have begun but she hasn’t shown up or responded, have you seen her around?” Obi-Wan’s knuckles went white as he tried to compose himself

His former padawan was the one who got her pregnant and broke her heart...It was his fault that she left the Jedi-

“Anakin...” Obi-Wan, Anakin looked at him, suddenly nervous as to why his former master sounded so strange “The council didn’t know how to tell you this, but….” He trailed off

“But?” Anakin pressed Obi-Wan, who simply sighed in response, pinching the bridge of his nose “She went into labour a few hours ago...” Anakin’s mouth formed into a small smile He was a father now, he had a child

And yet he couldn’t understand why Obi-Wan didn’t look pleased, he was the one who voiced his excitement at the thought of meeting a child born from a Jedi..

“...And suffered a haemorrhage, the droids couldn’t save her” Anakin small smile quickly turned into a shocked expression, the colour from his face draining “They couldn’t save the baby either”

Anakin watched as his Obi-Wan turned on his heel, leaving him in the middle of the temple. His knees quickly gave out and he crumpled to the ground, tears falling freely down his face, he didn’t care whether someone saw or not. On shaky legs he slowly stood up, his cheeks swollen and splotchy and his chest rising and falling rapidly

He will avenge her death.

Side note: Literally could not find the right planet for this fic so I had to use a planet name generator :/ Also really sucks that google doc doesn’t let me spell Padmé correctly 😑

[kerie-prince]

We're Worlds Apart (5)

Draco Malfoy x American No-Maj!reader

series m.list | general m.list | previous chp

warnings: cursing, mom being a dick :/, accidental peeping eyes, jealous draco

summary: Draco Malfoy is a pureblood wizard. Magic runs through his veins and has been since his birth. You're a Wiccan No-Maj; a non-magical being with ordinary blood through your veins, but practices what you call magick. And this very practice upsets your neighbor.

a/n: omg, i had to rewrite this WHOLE THING again. but now i know to write things in my google docs first

(gif cred)

Everyone at the table was silent. Your mother sat processing what had just occurred moments ago. I practice, too. You always wondered why your brother never talked too much about her whenever you were on long phone calls with him. He was pretty vague about Stephanie, and now you knew why.

Actually, it made complete sense as to why he didn't tell your mom about Stephanie being a practicing witch, but you? That was what really confused you.

“So,” you decided to break the silence, “how long have you practiced?”

Stephanie had an excited glimmer in her eyes when you asked. “I'm still a baby, I started earlier this year.” Something about her aura was soothing and pure. You scooted your chair closer to her and continued your conversation. “So you’re a Wiccan? Or do you practice something else?”

“I practice Gardnerian Wicca,” she declared. From the corner of your eyes, you could see your mother holding back a scoff. Surely she was thinking Why the hell is she encouraging this?

The ding of the oven sounded like church bells to her as it gave her an excuse to leave the room and focus on anything else. The situation was quite hysterical. But questions were in order. As Stephanie left to use your bathroom, you pulled your brother aside. “Dude, why the hell didn’t you tell me anything?”

He flinched away from your hand and started massaging the pain away from your grip, “I didn’t think it was my business to tell.”

“But you told her about me?” You asked with crossed arms. Your brother’s logic was lacking. “It… might’ve slipped, but I only told her after she told me that she’s a witch. I don’t go around campus saying ‘Hey, I’m Y/B/N Y/L/N. I’m a communications major and y’know what? My sister’s a witch.’” You weren’t upset that he told his girlfriend about you. You weren’t ashamed at all. And you weren’t really upset that he didn’t talk to you about her. Because, in a sense, he’s right.

But you like being dramatic, so you figured that while you've got your brother in your house you’d act like a petty sister. “Whatever, man. But you could’ve told Mom beforehand,” you scolded with your arms crossed. He had a scoff in his laugh, “Tell Mom? We’re thinking of the same person, right? You know she would freak.”

“She’s freaking out right now! I’d have rather her freak out earlier before she made my house look like some stupid picture in a Martha Stewart kitchen advertisement,” you whisper yelled. To think that your house could have looked as it normally did annoyed you. Grandma’s tapestry you whined internally.

Stephanie found you two in your hallway and froze in an awkward stance, “Is everything okay?” You and your brother put on your best smiles. “Yeah, just wanted to see how my baby bro is doing,” you reached up to pinch his cheeks to which he swatted you hand away. It started a playful fight that made your guest laugh in amusement. The sound of your mother announcing that dinner was ready brought the little fight to a halt. “I’ll beat your ass later,” you challenged him, fingers doing an ‘I’ve got my eyes on you’ movement.

—

He couldn't believe it.

Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini stood at his doorstep with their bags. Theo had his wand pointed out with confetti spurting out the tip. “Surprise!” he yelled.

Draco pulled them in quickly and nearly sprained his neck as he looked around to make sure no one saw his friend. “What part of 'muggle neighbors’ did you not understand” he scolded.

“Oh shit, sorry mate. I forgot.” Theo scratched the back of his head. He then glared at Blaise knowing that with his brilliant memory, he let Theo make a big mess of things. Theoretically and literally. An enchanted broom swept up the confetti on the floor.

“What are you guys doing here, I wasn’t expecting you two for another week?” Draco asked as he pulled each wizard in for a welcoming hug.

“Merlin, mate. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you’re disappointed to see us,” Blaise teased.

“That's not what I meant and you know that. I’m happy… just surprised.” The blond wasn't isn't used to showing this kind of side to himself. “What brings you two here early?”

“Have you ever known Theo to be patient for anything? Bloody git nearly dragged me out in the middle of work,” Blaise expressed. The Slytherin trio laughed as the two friends followed Draco through his new home. “Well, here’s the guest room. Set your things down and I’ll grab some drinks.”

For the first time since getting his phone and learning about take-out, Draco had ordered a couple pizzas to be delivered. Blaise and Theo were genuinely impressed by the whole thing. “Muggles sure do think of everything,” Theo observed.

“Almost shocked that Malfoy here adapted pretty well to them,” Blaise had a smirk on his lips before stuffing his mouth with his first ever slice. “Salazar, this is amazing.” Draco raised his eyebrows in agreement. The three men sat in the living room eating and caught up with each other.

The night was filled with laughter and tipsy hiccups. It was arguably Draco’s best night since he first moved to America. He hadn’t realized how much he missed their shenanigans since Hogwarts before it all went to shit thanks to a certain Dark Lord. He was ecstatic and couldn’t wait for them to meet his new friends.

In the middle of their laughter, Theo was seen squinting his eyes in a direction, “Oi mate, who’s that?” The two others followed his eyes which looked out a window. Sort of blurry due to the alcohol, Draco leaned forward to focus on what it was Theo was talking about.

When his vision cleared, he saw some heads moving around. And… arms flinging about? The sight was strange to say the least. Draco didn't exactly know what was going on, he watched as you stood in your living room in front of who he recognized as your mother. Sitting on your couch was some woman, and in between you and your mother was some guy.

“Is that the muggle neighbor you told me about?” Blaise observed.

“Yeah, and her mum. Don’t know the others, though.” Draco stated. He shrugged his shoulders and sat in a comfortable position. Blaise continued to look at the weird scene next door. The only pieces he could put together was that you definitely weren’t happy and neither was your mother. “She’s kinda fit, don’t you think?”

“No,” Draco didn’t hesitate to answer. His irritated voice was indication enough to not press on the matter more. And seeing as it was their first night in America, Blaise didn’t want to risk getting hexed before bed.

Draco looked at the clock on the wall which read 10:57 pm. “Shit,” he whispered. “I’m turning in. I have a meeting in the morning.” Theo was already passed out on the soft couch and Blaise walked himself to the guest room to claim the bigger bed. Once in his room, Draco chugged a bottle of water that was on his nightstand and went to sleep.

—

She finally went home. After the huge fight that broke out after dinner, your mother grabbed her things and left. Poor Stephanie had witnessed the mess and regretted coming. As much as she was glad to finally meet a fellow practicing witch, she underestimated your mother entirely.

It actually surprised you that your mother acted in such ways. Growing up, your mom never really made too much of a fuss of your Craft. But just out of nowhere, she’s making comments of this and making complaints of that. You wanted to forget Thanksgiving night all together.

Currently, you were pacing in your kitchen debating on whether or not to call Stephanie and make sure she was alright. She was nothing but sweet and kind. Didn't deserve to come home with your brother and have some woman blow up. Your mother hit some random nerve in the middle of your conversation that you carried on about what Steph’s practice consisted of and yelled about her whole family getting full of ‘damn weirdos’.

The best thing to come out of it was that you were able to bring back all your original decorations and stored all the stuff your mother bought in the garage.

Thinking about it started to give you a migraine. You walked to your bathroom and started to fill the tub with the hottest water you could take. As it filled, you went to the comfort of your room and undressed. You opted out on bath salts and oils; just the warmth of the water would be enough to settle your nerves.

Before you could remove your bra, you felt a weird shiver up your spine. Something in the air made you feel tense. You wanted to assume that it was negative energy that your mother left behind, but it felt different than that. No, you felt a presence in your home. Or worse, from somewhere else.

You turned around and widened your eyes in horror. A man that you didn’t know nor have ever seen before looks at you from the window of your neighbor, Draco’s room. As soon as it processed to him that you were looking back, he quickly shut the curtains again. At that moment, you wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. You were so caught up in your thoughts that you forgot to shut your blinds.

You sat in your bathtub still shocked that a complete stranger almost saw you naked. Had you even gone further a couple seconds or ignored your instincts, he could have seen everything. You dunk your head into the water and scream under it. This day can’t get worse you thought.

But oh, how it can. You performed your house cleansing spell and as soon as you set the censor dish down, the doorbell rang. You opened the door and was face to face with the same man who saw you. “Hello,’ he said. You recognized the accent, how it sounded like Draco’s.

Shyly, you nodded your head and said a soft ‘hi’.

“Listen, I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for… for what happened,” presumably Draco’s friend apologized.You stood there a bit shocked and flustered. “I swear I’m not a bloody pervert. Mate doesn't have any light in his room so I’d thought I’d do him a favor. Guess that didn't turn out so well,” he sheepishly chuckled. It made you laugh as well. It was decided that it was just an honest mistake.

“It’s okay. I should’ve closed my curtains so I guess it goes both ways,” a blush was spread across your cheeks. The more you looked at him, the more you studied his gorgeous features. “I’m Y/N. You must be Draco’s friend,” you extended your hand out for him to shake. He took it in his and you nearly melted into his smooth skin.

“Yes, I am. I’m Blaise.”

—

Draco returned home with a pounding headache and stiff neck. He had never felt more tired than he did in this moment. He saw Theo sitting on his couch reading the Daily Prophet with one hand and holding a cup of tea in the other. It was funny to Draco because he explicitly remembers Theo promising that he would never become his father who did this exact thing.

Looking around his surroundings, he noticed how his other best friend wasn’t around. “Where’s Zabini?”

“I think he went out for a walk,” Theo guessed. “Think he’s been gone for about an hour now that I think about it.” He put his paper down and mirrored the look of curiosity that was also on Draco’s face. Seconds later, the devil himself walked into Draco’s home. The look on his face was the same he had back in Hogwarts. A look Draco and Theo knew all too well.

“How? Actually no, scratch that. Who?” Theo pressed on instantly. Draco was also interested as to how Blaise somehow seduced a woman a day into his vacation in the foreign country. “You gits really want to know who?” They both nodded. He stood hesitantly but kept the smirk on his face, “Your muggle neighbor, Y/N.”

Theo stood up and gave Blaise a high-five, “You still got the magic touch I see.”

“Please never say that again,” Blaise sighed. He went on to explain everything that just happened, how he accidentally saw you, how he went over and how you invited him in for coffee and talked for about an hour. Well, mainly flirted. Then he talked about how he acted coy and wanted to know whatever was nice in town and when you told him about a French restaurant uptown, he used it as a way to ask you on a date.

Blaise was explaining everything, but it all sounded quiet to Draco. He couldn’t hear a word out of his friends mouth after he said your name.

“Mate, you alright? You look pale,” Blaise looked concerned.

Draco snapped out of it and lied through his teeth, “I’m fine. Just tired and slightly hungover is all.” Lie? Why would I be lying about this? Wait… why am I lying about this?

“Oh, well I can make the thing my mum makes for hangovers if you’d like,” Theo offered.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just get some rest.” Draco walked to his bedroom and removed the necktie around his collar. As he walked in, he saw how his curtain wasn’t fully closed. He opened it slightly and as he looked across, he saw you sitting in a chair in your bedroom. You seemed to have been in a haze before you looked up and met your eyes with his. You waved gently and Draco, as he always does now, nodded his head and closed the curtains.

This can’t be real.

—

next chp

(っ◔◡◔)っ taglist: @beiahadid @malfoy-styles-wife @fivenightslaughter @juneballoon999 @leydileyla @fangirlanotherjust @originalsoulcollector @opiomancy @lipstickandloveletters @ninacotte @daedric-sorceress @frecklesandfirecrackers @hahee154hq @disartrous @oh-those-barricade-boys @bornforfangirling

[yikestripes]

Under the Mistletoe

request: Hey, I've got a Spence request! It's Christmas at the FBI, and the team has done Secret Santa, and you got Spencer, your best friend who you have fancied since you started at the FBI 5 years ago. You all go to Rossi's to spend the evening and morning, so you can all drink & not drive home. After presents and a few drinks, you and Spence end up under the mistletoe where he declares his feelings in front of the whole team, who encouraged him to tell you how he feels, before you arrived to the party

a/n: i didn’t expect to write this much, it was 7 pages on google docs. i am pretty proud of this tho.

warnings: FLUFF

word count: 3.6k

You looked around at the lights and garland that had adorned the bullpen as you entered the BAU for the first time after arriving home from the case. You grinned from ear to ear like a child as you took in the sight. Spencer was right behind you, pausing to take in the sight beside you. He looked down at you, still in awe, and smiled. You looked so beautiful to him under all those shining lights, and you just looked happier than you had in recent weeks. Christmas was usually tough for you anyway, and this year was no exception. Nonetheless, you persevered. Rossi had been planning a BAU Christmas party for a little bit over a month, with the help of you and Garcia, to make it the most magical Christmas any of you had had in a pretty long time. Needless to say, getting home from the case was more exciting than it usually was.

You tugged your go bag back to your desk and plopped down in your chair, rubbing your eyes. It was around 7pm and you all were going to Rossi’s right from the office to start the festivities. Knowing you wouldn’t be driving home, you had a second go bag packed and ready in your car, along with Spencer’s since you guys had carpooled. When you started at the BAU around 5 years ago, you and Spencer instantly became best friends. Granted, it took him a long time to really break out of his shell of awkwardness, but even then he was very comfortable around you. It was something about you that really made him feel, for lack of a better word, special. Not in the way that he was typically treated for being a genius, but just for being Spencer. That’s what Spencer loved most about you- the way you admired him for just being him. Not because he was a child prodigy and not because he was a genius. He was just Spencer.

Not to mention you always let him ramble and spill facts without ever telling him to shut up, or even interrupting him. Nevertheless, you quickly became very close, especially when you learned your apartment was right down the street from his. That’s when you two started carpooling to the office together. You always stopped at the local coffee shop or Starbucks to feed your coffee addictions, and went home around the same time every night. Spencer always made sure you made it inside safe, and vice versa. The funny thing was, for as incredible as you both were at your jobs as profilers for the BAU, neither of you had the faintest idea that you were in love with each other. Everyone in the entire building knew except for you two. Even Hotch was rooting for you two to get together.

“Ready to go, Spence?” You asked, shooting him a huge grin. He grins back and nods, throwing his bag over his head like he always did. You followed him out the door and to your car and drove yourselves to Rossi’s mansion. The ride was relatively quiet, Spencer had whipped out the book he started on the plane because he absolutely had to know how it ended, and of course he could finish it before you made it to Rossi’s.

“Did you do the secret santa?” You asked, breaking the silence.

“Yeah. Did you?”

“Yep.” You smiled to yourself. You actually got Spencer, and you couldn’t have been more excited. Regardless of whether you had gotten him for secret santa, you were planning to get him a little something anyway. Actually, a few things. You wracked your brain for a few days, wondering what Dr. Spencer Reid would like that he didn’t already have. Of course, you started with a giftcard to his favorite bookstore, along with the newest edition of his favorite collection of Edgar Allen Poe stories. You also got him a giftcard to Starbucks, to make up for all the times he’d paid for your coffee, despite your protests. You made him your famous chocolate chip cookies and your favorite thing? The Halloween Christmas sweater you’d found and KNEW you had to get it for him. He never understood the point of an ugly Christmas sweater, so you figured you would get one that celebrates his favorite holiday with the edition of it celebrating Christmas. You could already see the look on his face when he opened his gifts later that night.

“Hey Spence, can you help me?” Spencer only brought a gift bag with the edition of his overnight bag, meanwhile you had a couple bags, along with two bottles of wine for Rossi and your own overnight bag. He grabbed your overnight bag and a bottle of wine and headed up to the door with you following behind, praying you didn’t slip on any ice.

You made it to the door unscathed, being greeted by Prentiss who was already a glass of wine deep.

“It’s party time!” She said upon opening the door. You and Spencer grinned and followed her inside, kicking the door shut behind you. Everyone was already there, starting on the spiked eggnog drinks without you guys.

“Hey, I told you guys to wait for us!” You whined as you set your presents underneath Rossi’s massive Christmas tree. The others looked away and took sips of their drinks, earning a small glare from you. You opted to start with a glass of white wine and escalate from there later. You took a long sip as you sat along the counter beside JJ. She held up her hands in mock defense.

“I told them they should wait but no one ever listens to me!” You giggled a little and patted JJ’s shoulder sympathetically.

“I hear you. They never listen to me either,” You said, shooting a look in Spencer’s direction in particular. As if he felt your eyes on his back, he turned around and looked at you. When he saw you were already looking at him, he raised his eyebrows in question. You shook your head and he shrugged, returning to his conversation with Morgan and Rossi. Penelope was doing peppermint vodka shots with Prentiss while Hotch watched, somewhat amused as Emily started choking on hers. You smiled as you watched your friends ease into the party so quickly after such a long case. It warmed your heart to see them relaxed.

“I don’t know, Rossi. What if it ruins our friendship?” Reid asked, his voice small. He only softened his voice like that when he was unsure of himself.

“Look, kid. I may be old, but I do have eyes. She loves you, Reid.” Rossi said.

“Trust me, Pretty Boy. Everyone here sees the way you look at each other.” Derek agreed, taking a sip of his beer.

Spencer chewed on his lip thoughtfully when he felt eyes on his back. He turned back to see you staring at him, where you began giggling with JJ. Spencer raised his eyebrows as if to ask, “Did you need me?” and you shook your head. He shrugged and turned back to Rossi, who was smirking. He shared a look with Derek and walked over to Hotch, who was now forcing Emily to drink more water.

“Like I said, trust me.” Derek said quietly as he left Spencer in the center of the kitchen to his thoughts. They were quickly interrupted as Rossi announced it was time for presents. Spencer grinned, this was what he was the most excited for. He had you for secret santa and he knew he really nailed his gift to you this year. He knew you better than anyone, and thanks to his eidetic memory, he knew everything that you had mentioned in passing were small things that you wanted. Including the necklace that you’d pointed out in the jewelry shop down the street from your apartments 8 months and 29 days ago, on your way to Starbucks. You gazed at it longingly every single time you passed by, but never could justify purchasing it for yourself.

“Alright kiddos, gather round.” Rossi said. Everyone made their way to the couches and sat as you helped to hand out presents.

“Morgan, these are yours. No one open anything until everyone has a gift!” You stared at Emily in particular, who grinned sheepishly. Hotch placed a hand on her leg and smiled at her, knowingly.

“JJ, this bag is yours. Hmm, Garcia this one is yours, Emily, Hotch,” You handed them out one by one. “Ah, here’s yours Spence.” You hauled a couple bags over, and his eyes widened at the sheer amount of stuff adorning both bags.

“Here’s yours, Rossi, and I just found mine!” You sat on the floor and crossed your legs out in front of you.

“Alright, how are we doing this?” Morgan asked, raising an eyebrow. “Do we all just open at the same time orrr…”

“No, someone can go first and each person who has the person opening goes next, makes sense?” Everyone nodded. “Rossi, you can go first since you oh so graciously hosted. And are letting us stay the night.” You added. Everyone laughed as David shook his head, quickly tearing into the bright wrapping paper. His jaw dropped slightly as he pulled out a box of cigars.

“I told you before, my dad was a cigar aficionado. I know what you like, Rossi.” Derek winked. Rossi rose and said a few words of excitement in Italian before kissing Derek on both cheeks and pulling him into a hug. He laughed and clapped Rossi on the back before returning to his seat, and digging into the gift bag in front of him.

“Alright, I see you secret santa!” Derek pulled out a Chicago Cubs baseball jersey, along with a few other baseball related things.

“I had to delve a bit more into the sports world than I’m used to, but i’m really glad you like it.” Emily smiled. He pulled her into a tight hug.

“Okay Em, you can go.” You wiggled your eyebrows as she fake glared, ripping her wrapping paper to shreds.

“Oh my God! I love it!” Prentiss held up a couple different books by her favorite author, Kurt Vonnegut. JJ grinned.

“Look deeper.” Prentiss dug deeper into the bag and pulled out a beautiful set of hand painted wine glasses.

“JJ, these are beautiful!” Prentiss gave her a hug and started taking them out of the box and passing them around to those that were drinking wine, or planned on it later. She disappeared into the kitchen to clean the glasses and fetch the wine.

“Alright JJ, it’s your turn!” You were especially eager for this one, knowing that Spencer would be coming up soon and you could finally see the look on his face. You’d had the gifts in your possession for 2 weeks and his turn could not come fast enough.

Finally, it was Spencer’s turn. You watched as he tore into the neatly wrapped gift box first. You knew he’d open that one first because it was the biggest box. He pulled the sweater out, seemingly confused at first, before it dawned on him.

“Oh my God, it’s a Halloween Christmas sweater! I love it!” He grinned and took off his blazer, revealing the tshirt beneath. He threw the sweater overtop and pulled the sleeves to his elbows, grinning with the joy of a little kid. He was so excited that he almost forgot about the other presents on the floor beside him. He finally made eye contact with you and you indicated he had other things to open. He sat back down, a slight blush crossing his cheeks as he opened the book and gift cards.

“I love everything, thank you so so much, (Y/N).” He said, the look on his face screaming genuine happiness and excitement.

“Actually, there’s one more thing.” He furrowed his eyebrows as you snuck around behind the tray, retrieving the tin of cookies you’d hidden back there, fully knowing the vulchers you called friends would find them if you put them anywhere else. Spencer’s jaw dropped.

“Are those your famous chocolate chip cookies?!” He asked, incredulous. He knew they were incredibly special to you, which is why it was so rare for you to make them. You grinned and nodded. He jumped up, threw the tin on the sofa, and pulled you into a hug. He picked you up a little, causing you to giggle uncontrollably.

“Thank you endlessly, (Y/N).” He said quietly, placing a chaste kiss on your cheek. A deep blush rose to your cheeks. As you both pulled away, you noticed Spencer was blushing like crazy too.

“I guess that leaves me!” You said, noticing everyone else had opened their presents. You grinned as you dug into yours, pulling out a Starbucks gift card, a new Starbucks tumbler to replace the one you broke a few weeks back, the anniversary copy of your favorite book, (Y/F/B), and finally, a small, blue velvet box was crammed at the very bottom of the back. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion and opened it with a gasp. You snapped your head up to meet Spencer, who was grinning at you sheepishly, his cheeks tinted bright pink.

“I-I knew you’ve been l-looking at that necklace for months, so….” He trailed off, breaking eye contact to stare at the floor. He shoved his hands in his pockets. “If you don’t like it I can take it back,” You stared at him in awe as tears threatened.

“Spence,” You said breathlessly, touching the necklace with a careful finger. “I love it, thank you so much.” Everyone in the room shared a look, fully knowing what was coming. You and Spencer were so busy with each other, that you didn’t notice when Rossi silently ushered the others out of the room and into the hallway to watch.

“Would you mind putting it on for me?” You asked quietly, handing Spencer the small box with a shaky hand.

“S-sure.” Spencer silently cursed his shaking hands as he fiddled with the clasp for a minute, before it clicked into place.

“Thanks.” You glanced up at the tall, lanky Doctor, when something a few feet above his head caught your eye. You gestured up at it, catching his attention.

“Mistletoe.” You said quietly. You got up on your tiptoes and placed a warm, soft kiss on his cheek, earning a blush from Spencer. A weird look came across his face when he suddenly grabbed your face, and crashed his lips into yours. You immediately melted into both Spencer and the kiss, forgetting where you were for just a moment as it was just you and him, alone together.

You pulled apart for air breathlessly, as you looked into the face of what used to be your best friend. That barrier had absolutely been shattered, but when Spencer broke out into a small, shy smile, you knew that it was meant to be that way.

“I…. I’ve been in love with you for the last 4 and a half years. It didn’t take me long at all to realize that you were the most beautiful girl in the world, but when I realized how smart, funny, and caring you were? I knew it was over for me. I didn’t say anything for the last few years because I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?” You whispered, placing a hand on his cheek. He leaned into your touch, and smiled a little more.

“Losing you.”

“You’ll never lose me. Not ever.” You shook your head defiantly, and placed another kiss on his lips. This one was much quicker, but filled with all the love and words that hadn’t been spoken until just now, and any words you could ever hope to say. Your friends cheered from beside you as you buried your head in Spencer’s chest, embarrassed. There were rounds and rounds of congratulations, told you so’s, and even a few bets had apparently been placed. You glared as they exchanged money and sheepish grins. You shook your head as you followed your friends into Rossi’s kitchen to continue getting your drink on.

**

It had been a few hours since Spencer’s confession, and to celebrate, you had accidentally had a few drinks too many. You started playing a drinking game with Derek and Prentiss that you had ceremoniously named “Beerio Cart”, and played several rounds since you were the champion. You grinned proudly, Spencer placing a plastic crown you all had found the last time you were at Rossi’s on top of your head, much to Derek’s ego’s chagrin. Following that, you had a few shots with Hotch and Garcia, followed up by the peppermint schnapps Penelope had prepared. Needless to say, the entire team was pretty hammered. IN the last few hours of the evening, Spencer had opted to drink more water and sober himself up slightly in order to save himself the pain the following day.

Rossi was on the same page as Spencer, not to mention the older Italian man’s tolerance was that of a bull. He could probably drink an entire bottle of wine and still be under the legal limit. He had retired to bed around 12:30am, fully aware that he was going to have to cook breakfast for his hungover “children” the following morning. You, Spencer, Prentiss, and Derek were the last ones awake, and now Derek had decided to retire to bed.

“Goodnight, and Merry Christmas.” Derek slurred, tripping up the stairs a little bit. It was the last round of Beerio Cart with Prentiss and Hotch that had done Derek in. Hotch had gone to bed shortly after that, Emily promising him that she would be up shortly after. That was 2 hours ago, and Emily was still downstairs with you and Spencer. She looked around, seeing that everyone except you two had gone to bed, and you were quickly crashing. She shrugged and stumbled up the stairs, managing to make it to her room with Hotch relatively easily. At least it was the first one at the top of the stairs.

Spencer turned his attention to you, and smiled warmly. You were starting to fall asleep standing up. He’d seen you do this a few times before, and usually was able to coax you into either laying your head on his lap if you were on the jet or on his shoulder if you were going to be in the SUVs.

“(Y/N), are you ready to go to bed?” You opened your eyes slowly and blinked, processing his question slowly. You nodded and rubbed your eyes, smearing your makeup all over the place. Spencer smiled a little and guided you to your room, sitting you on the bed.

“Close your eyes, love.” You complied quietly as Spencer gently wiped your makeup off. He tucked you into your bed and placed a kiss on your forehead, turning to leave. He felt you grab his wrist and turned around, caught totally off guard. You were sitting up, wearing your best puppy dog eyes face.

“Stay with me?” You said in such a soft voice, that made Spencer’s heart melt. He glanced at the door, then back at you, where you were still pleading with your eyes. He gave in, took off his shoes, and climbed in beside you. He wrapped an arm around you and you laid on his chest, quickly falling asleep to the rhythmic sound of his heartbeat.

***

You began stirring when the smell of pancakes wafted up the stairs and into your room. You scrunched your face at the harshness of the light peaking through the windows, and felt the onset headache.

“Fuck.” You whispered, rubbing your temples.

“Good morning.” Spencer said quietly beside you, sitting up to lean on his elbow. He donned his glasses and his scruff was already growing slightly.

“Good morning, Spence.” You said, your voice still raspy. You looked at the bedside table in search of your phone and saw two ibuprofen tablets and some water. You gulped them down gratefully and immediately felt relief.

You and Spencer made your way downstairs, greeting by the sight of your hungover friends, and Rossi, who was flipping pancakes and bacon at the stove.

“Oh look who decided to join us! The reigning Beerio Cart champion.” He smirked. You saw the crown sitting on the kitchen table and you grabbed it, placing it on top of your head.

“I stand by that wholeheartedly.” You said, folding your arms over your chest. Rossi shrugged.

“If you say so, kid.” You took a seat beside Hotch, who was rubbing circles into Emily’s back on the other side of him. She looked about as bad as you felt, and you instantly hoped you didn’t look like that, especially not in front of Spencer. As if he could hear your thoughts, he smiled at you, and you smiled back. You glanced down at his lips and flicked your eyes back up to meet his, when he closed the gap and pecked you on the lips. You grinned and a blush rose to your cheeks, as you munched on the pancakes Rossi set before you.

“Please tell me you two aren’t always going to be that sickeningly adorable.” Garcia said, wearing her sunglasses inside. You laughed a little, feeling a pain shoot through your brain. You groaned slightly, busying yourself with your pancakes. Spencer made you a bloody mary, spouted out facts about the origin of the drink, the useful properties of it, and anything else he’d known about it. You listened as you sipped, starting to feel just a little bit better. Whether that was with the help of the bloody mary or Spencer, you already knew the answer.

It was Spencer.

[babyspiderling]

Under the Lights  Daveed Diggs x reader

Before I even paste this into Tumblr, I want you all to know that this took me two days of constant writing, and FOUR pages on google docs. I know that the second I hit paste, it’s going to be like one page. Anyways, here’s Daveed x reader.

2010

“Hey, Y/N, I brought you muffins!” A woman with a mouth full of pins, her hair up in a messy bun, measuring tape sloppily tied around her neck, and a pincushion on her wrist, exited a space separated from the rest of the apartment by a thin curtain. Seeing her best friend and roommate enter with goodies, a bright grin fluttered onto her face. “Wanna see what I did while you were gone?” He nodded and followed her to her half of the work room. On a mannequin, a beautiful dress was fleshed out much more than it had been when Lin had left this morning. It had been nothing more than a sketch on paper for the Newsies show. As a major in history with a minor in design, Y/N was accepted by Disney to create the costumes. It didn’t hurt that The Lin Manuel Miranda of In the Heights fame was on her list of references. She had decided to start with Medda’s dress first. Medda was a personal favorite of hers and was excited to do her own spin on it. A deep purple sash had been half pinned under the bodice and sadly hung from its haphazard placement. “The sash would look better if you hadn’t distracted me with food dork.” He smiled and pressed the folded paper bag into her hand. “Alright. I’m going to finish this for Alan. It’s a miracle I have this job. I’m not screwing it up. I also meant to tell you that one of my guys are going to be here tomorrow for a measure and design session. Sweet kid. Amazing dancer.” Lin grinned teasingly as he set his laptop down on his desk. “Am I getting replaced? Is he going to be your new roommate and best friend?” Y/N stuck out her tongue at her best friend and continued her work. The sounds of humming and a machine whirring mixed in with the excited clacking of keys to make a strangely beautiful symphony. 

2013

“Y/N! I need your help!” In the tiny apartment in the upper east side, an over-caffeinated Wesleyan Alumni burst through the front door, a paper bag of bagels clutched tightly. At the yells, another Alumni ran from her section of the apartment.  “Lin! What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” He thrusts the bag into her searching hands, and lets out another shriek. “Y/N! I’m fine! They want to put The Hamilton Mixtape through a workshop! And if we get this right, they’ll move us to a real show!” Shoving his shoulders, she muffled her screams behind pinched lips. “Lin, you can not go scaring me like that! I’m going to get gray hairs before we even get to the off Broadway! What do you need my help with?” He pulled her onto the ratty couch they had in the little space. “I need a costumer. You’re the best in the business. Not to mention I’ll be with you all the time, so there’s no chance of miscommunications!” Standing from her forced seat, she cradled Lin’s head in her hands. She saw the excitement glimmer in his eyes and softened. “Lin, of course I’ll help you, I am a history major after all. Who else could make it historically accurate while still being functional? Thank you for even considering me, and for the bagels.” She pressed a kiss to the crown of his head. Giving a crooked smile, she pointed a finger in his face. “If you ever scare me like that, I swear I will never cook or bake for you again.” He smiled sheepishly and shrugged in apology. “Sorry, but hey, you’re my costumer now!” She smiled and bumped her hip with his. She dug through her pads of paper and snatched her laptop off the charger. “Alright. Give me your tracks and I’ll get started.” 

July 27th, 2013

“Alright, I’m here. Sorry I’m late, I got halfway down the block before I figured out I left my notes on the desk. Who do we have here?” Three men held my attention, understandable since they were the main cast. I recognized Brian D’arcy James from other productions, there was another man with big hair and bright eyes, and finally my eyes fell on Christopher. I smiled at him and gave him a quick hug. “Oh my God! What are you doing here? I haven’t seen you in so long! How’ve you been.” He chuckled and pulled me in again. “I’m good. I was missing our Vanessa for a while, but you’re working with us now so I won’t have to miss you anymore! Lin told me about the project and I couldn’t turn it down.” He turned me to the stranger at the clearing of a throat. “Oh, this is Daveed. He’s playing Thomas Jefferson and Lafayette. He raps.” I looked at him up and down, remembering the songs Lin had written for him. I cocked my head, and he looked at me with nervous eyes. “This will work. This is going to work great actually.” I saw his shoulders relax and sag with relief as I walked back to the table set up for the behind the scenes people. I gripped my pen in my hand, ready to jot down every little thought that passed through my mind for the time of the workshop. 

After hours and hours of rehearsals and run throughs, I’d filled up a notebook and a half for costumes for the characters. This time around Lin wanted his cast flexible. Those whose characters were not in the second act were recast as another role, so I had to figure out how to do quick changes not only for the nine main cast members, but for the entire ensemble. As Lin and I packed up our things to head home, the man with the beautiful eyes stopped me. “Hey, Vanessa, right?” I heard Lin and Christopher snicker somewhere behind me and I shot them a look. “Actually, it’s Y/N.” His eyes widened in embarrassment and his hand lifted to rub the back of his neck. “Sorry, I just thought it was Vanessa since that’s what Christopher called you.” I shook my head and smiled. “Oh, no. That’s just a little joke between us. I was the demo Vanessa when Lin was trying to sell In the Heights. I’m the reason why Vanessa never speaks Spanish. I took French all through high school and college.” He nodded and rocked back and forth on his heels. “I’ve got some questions about costumes and everything you do. Could I have your number to keep in contact?” I nodded and pulled out my phone, switching it with his and I plugged in my contact information. “Alright. I’m headed home, but I’ll make a schedule for measuring and design sessions. I’ll see you tomorrow?” He nodded enthusiastically, making his hair bob with his movements. I waved goodnight and followed Lin out of the building. 

“So, Daveed.” I looked up from my buzzing phone to Lin out of the corner of my eye, giving him an eyebrow. “What about Daveed?” He shrugged and wore a small smile. “You texting him?” I put my phone down to look at him headlong. “And if I am?” Once again he shrugged and got up to grab a snack. “Nothing, just remember your worth.” I shake my head good naturally. “Alright Dad. Now, I’ve got to sketch out what my brain was screaming during the workshop. And how to create every outfit as a quick change. Thanks loser.” 

July 15th, 2015

“Alright everyone! We’ve practiced these changes for weeks! Remember your number, remember your cue. You all have been a wonder to work with and to create for. I love you all and break a leg!” Everyone is dressed in white for the opening number, and I am proud of my work. “Oh, and Daveed;” Daveed looks up at me, a strange look in his eyes. “Yes, Y/N?” I looked him in the eyes, stoic and serious. “If you rip your pants during Guns and Ships again, you will repay me by organizing the scrap bin.” He swallowed visibly and nodded his head. I smiled once again and put my hand out for a group theatre circle. “Break a leg!” Everyone scurried to their cue spot in their costumes and Lin hugged me from behind. “Thank you for doing this for me. I never would be able to have costumes this good if it weren’t for you.” I turned in his arms and smiled. “I’m glad I did too Lin. Now go, they’re calling your name.” I listened from my side of the stage, getting everything in order for the main cast. I pulled Daveeds coat off quickly and held out his blue one for him to slide on. “Hey, Y/N, maybe after the show we can-“ “Diggs! Get to your cue!” I smiled and nudged him. “Go. Talk to me after the show.” He gave a quick kiss to my cheek and went to do his thing on stage. As I pinned the rose to Renée’s dress, her sweet voice teased at me. “You do know that he loves you too, right?” I know what she’s talking about, but I pretend to play dumb. “Who loves me? Nevermind, neither of us have the time for this. Go kick ass out there.” She scrunched her eyebrows at me and pointed her finger to say “This isn’t over.” 

The first act went by in a flash, costume changes and character changes took up all of my time. After I had hung up every dress, every coat, every pair of trousers and corset, Daveed had changed and packed up all of his things. I had just finished mending the lace cuff on his magenta sleeve when he had walked in. He wore a sleeveless Oakland jersey with a matching hat pressed onto his freed hair. “Oh! Daveed! Perfect timing! I was just finishing up here. What was it that you were wanting to tell me?” At my question, it was like a switch had been flipped in him. He went from the cool and collected suave man who the fans fantasized over to a shy and awkward man who had run out of words. Self-doubt and insecurity filled my inner dialogue as I watched him shut down and clam up. I was filled with the fear and anxiety that he had come to ask me to stop staring, to stop caring. I let the silence carry on for a while longer until Anthony called for us to leave. “I, I should probably go, then. You were amazing tonight, not a single trip or stutter. I am so proud of you.” I swallowed down the tears making their way up my throat and gave him a watery smile. I grabbed my bag, and started to make a hurried exit until my wrist was caught by a large and calloused hand. “Wait, no. Y/N, I wanted to know if you wanted to grab something to eat, go do something when we don’t have a show. You know, like maybe a date? Unless you don’t want to, then it’ll just be us as friends. I’d actually really appreciate it if you just forgot this whole ordeal and-” I smiled and blushed at his sweet ramblings. I stepped up onto my workbench and gripped his face in my hands. Taking a deep breath I leaned in and connected our lips, praying to every spiritual being in the heavens that they would allow him to kiss me back. I guess praying did me good because after getting over the shock of being interrupted, he kissed me back with the same fervour. Once more, we are called to leave the theater and we break apart, panting lightly with swollen lips and pink cheeks. He helped me down from my step and I lifted myself onto my toes to give a peck to his cheek. “Alright big guy, let’s go home. Lin’s either knowing of what we were doing, or he’s pacing in our living room, police on speed dial. And I would love to go on a date with you.”

[keewriting]

Cove x MC - One Shot #1

[Read on google docs to insert your MC's name]

The crescendo of rain hitting your window woke you from a peaceful slumber. It didn’t often rain this hard in Sunset Bird, especially not during the summer. You felt a pang of disappointment that your typical summer pastimes were not viable on a day like this.

You rolled groggily out of bed and sighed, wondering what Cove thought of the unfortunate weather situation. Knowing him, he’d be even more bummed than you — then it hit you! The list!

You scrambled over to your messy desk and opened the biggest drawer, which you affectionately called the “junk drawer.” This was the home to everything of value that didn’t have a specific place in your room. The actual value of the items in the junk drawer was pretty questionable. From old gaming devices and batteries, to loose papers that could maybe be useful someday.

With everything shoved out of the way, you uncovered the beacon of hope for this gloomy day. A small spiral notebook with a shiny turquoise cover, speckled in tiny yellow stars. You and Cove started using this notebook on rainy days for games of hangman and tic-tac-toe. There were years of games in this notebook, nearly every page filled with games and doodles.

You sighed wistfully as you turned the pages and reminisced about each game. Your first ever hangman game with Cove occurred on a particularly hot day. Yet, playing paper-based games became a rainy day tradition for you two. You went out and bought a special notebook just to keep them all in one place.

During your first hangman game with Cove, he settled on the phrase "you are cute." You couldn’t decide if that was the most Cove-like thing he’d done or if it was boldly uncharacteristic. You blushed at the memory and smiled gently.

Remembering your mission, you snapped out of the Cove-induced trance. You began flipping pages faster until you landed on one containing a list. On the last rainy day you and Cove suffered through, he had the idea to make a list of things you two could do to pass the time. It seemed he could only handle so many games of hangman and tic-tac-toe.

You each took turns writing something you would want to do on a rainy day. There were even corresponding doodles scattered on the page to illustrate each activity. The stark difference between your handwriting compared to Cove’s stood out to you today. His was relatively neat compared to your chicken scratch.

Rather than continuing to dwell on your poor penmanship, you looked closer at the items on the list. There were a total of 14 entries. You skimmed past each one with a focused scowl on your face until you landed on number 12: ear piercing. This was one of your suggestions, and one that didn’t come easily. You went back and forth in your head before writing this one. Considering how you would ask your moms for permission, what other people would think, and how Cove would feel about it. At the time of writing it down Cove seemed on board, for you at least. He was apprehensive about getting one himself, preferring to avoid the conversation with his dad.

A sly smile formed across your face. You decided that at 13 you were old enough to take control of your own body, regardless of what your moms would think. You emphatically shut the notebook and hopped up from the desk chair that you had slumped into earlier.

With a newfound energy you began quickly getting ready. You pulled on jeans and a t-shirt and rummaged through your closet, looking for your yellow raincoat and rainboots. As cliche as they were, you quite enjoyed the look. You could really use the brightness on such a cloudy day. You remembered to shove the small notebook in your back pocket.

You bounded down the stairs and out the door, calling out your goodbyes to whoever was still in the house. You paused under the awning to pull your hood over your head before walking carefully across to Cove’s house. The rain was still coming down hard and the street was slick with rain. With how clumsy you were you couldn’t afford to rush over and slip on a puddle.

Once you reached the Holden’s door you removed your hood and knocked confidently. Mr. Holden appeared momentarily to open the door, his face lit up when he saw you standing there.

Mr. Holden: Y/N! Hey, buddy. How are ya? Come on in!

You stepped inside with a smile and began wiping your feet vigorously on the door mat.

Y/N: Good morning, Mr. Holden. Is Cove around?

Mr. Holden: Sure is, he's surely tucked up in his room still. Why don’t you leave your boots and coat here and you can go wake him up.

You grinned at the thought as you pulled your coat off to give it to Mr. Holden. You slipped off your boots and thanked him as you tip-toed over to Cove’s bedroom door. You considered your options, truly unsure of what he could be up to behind closed doors. After some quick deliberation, you opted for loudly barging in while singing his name.

Without another moment of hesitation, you turned the knob and in a sing-songy voice, called out to him

Y/N: CoooOOoooove, rise and shine!

Cove’s sleepy figure stirred gently at the sound of your voice. He blinked open his eyes slowly and rubbed his hands through his seafoam green locks as you stood over him beaming. Finally, he uttered his first words of the day.

Cove: Y/N? What are you doing here so early?

You chuckled and sat down on the edge of the bed, close enough to make Cove blush and start to sit up.

Y/N: Do you hear that? Outside?

Cove paused for a second before looking past you out his window. His expression dropped and he groaned.

Cove: Rain…

You scooted closer and crouched so your faces were level. You smiled deviously and noted how his eyes widened and his cheeks reddened.

Y/N: Cove, today we will fulfil our destiny.

Before he could utter a word, you shifted to retrieve the crumpled notebook from your back pocket. Cove slid up more, clearly intrigued. You turned to the right page and faced it towards Cove while pointing decidedly to number 10.

Cove: Ear piercing… oh yeah! You want to do that one today?

You nodded enthusiastically, hoping Cove would still be on board for this idea. You knew it was a one-sided activity, but you could use his support since it would be your first piercing.

Cove: The mall has a piercing booth, right? Or did you have somewhere else in mind?

Y/N: The mall is exactly what I had in mind!

Cove: Cool. So, how are we getting there?

For the first time since early morning, you felt defeated. Your shoulders slumped and you looked down at your hands. At 13, you might be old enough to get a needle through your ear, but you still couldn’t operate a vehicle. The mall was also too far to walk to, you remembered the time Kyra drove you all to the mall for a visit. Noticing how down you became, Cove spoke.

Cove: I could… ask my dad to drive us there. He isn’t working today. I’m sure he’d say yes.

You instantly perked up and turned to Cove with an open-mouthed smile.

Y/N: Really? Really. Really? Would you?

Cove chuckled and nodded. You wrapped around him with a tight hug the instant his head jerked upward. Your face planted on his chest. You exhaled loudly as you listened to his rushed heartbeat. After you pulled away, Cove got up and smiled nervously, flustered and ready to get the day going. You sat patiently on the bed while Cove got ready and asked his dad about driving you both to the mall.

Once he returned to his bedroom, he wordlessly flashed you a smile and thumbs-up combo. You followed him out to the front door where his dad was waiting with your coat. You accepted the coat and slipped on your boots. Cove had no rain protection, but you decided to stay quiet, knowing he preferred minimal layers.

You all headed out the door into Mr. Holden’s car. Cove sat in the backseat with you even though he typically preferred to ride shotgun. You felt special that he would rather keep you company. A startling question from Mr. Holden interrupted your pleasant thoughts.

Mr. Holden: I hear you plan on getting an ear piercing today, Y/N. Is that right?

Your mouth fell agape and you looked over to Cove, who upon noticing your expression became concerned. You realized you didn’t tell Cove about your plans to keep the ear piercing a secret from your moms. Now that Mr. Holden knew, it was almost certain he would casually bring it up to your moms. Not willing to reveal your sneaky plans, you spoke confidently.

Y/N: Yep! I’ve been wanting one for a while.

Mr. Holden: Hey, that’s great. I bet it’ll look really cool.

You looked over at Cove and smiled at him, hoping to relieve any confusion or concern. He returned the smile, but still appeared deep in thought. The rest of the car ride was uneventful. Mr. Holden dropped the two of you off and notified you of his return in 3 hours.

As soon as you were alone, standing at the entrance of the mall, Cove turned to you with his arms crossed over his chest. You looked up at him sheepishly and noticed his shrewd expression.

Cove: What was that about? That face? Should I not have told dad about the piercing?

Cove’s perceptiveness toward all your quirks was a blessing and a curse. The smallest look on your face could be a dead giveaway to him. You knew he would feel guilty for ruining your plan, but there was no point in trying to hide it from him.

Y/N: I didn’t get permission from my moms to get a piercing.

His eyes widened as his arms dropped to his sides.

Cove: Oh my God, I didn’t realize. I’m really sorry. Are you going to be in a lot of trouble? I don’t want you grounded all summer. We won’t be able to hang out as much. Maybe we should get smoothies and tell everyone it was a joke—

You cut off his rambling, not wanting him to tire himself out so early. Although you appreciated his concern, especially regarding your ability to spend time together.

Y/N: It’s okay, Cove. Really. I totally forgot to mention it when I told you this morning because I was so excited. They would have to find out somehow, right?

Cove: I guess. Can I make it up to you, though? I’ll buy you a smoothie anyway.

Y/N: Well, I could never say no to a smoothie from Cove Holden.

You smiled at each other and continued into the mall. You walked with purpose toward the piercing booth. Your stomach was turning with eagerness and nerves. Cove’s long strides matched perfectly with your short but quick paces. He looked at you with a comforting smile as you closed in on the booth.

The piercer at the booth was an older teen with an assortment of piercings on their own face and ears. They chewed gum loudly as they took down your information and set you up on the cold, hard piercing chair. While they put on gloves and prepared the tools, Cove inched closer to stand next to you.

Cove: How are you feeling?

Y/N: Nervous, excited... very rebellious.

Cove hummed in acknowledgment. You felt his hand brush the hair behind your ear. He gently pinched the now exposed top of your ear. You felt goosebumps travel across your skin at the touch.

Cove: This is where you want it, right? What was it called again… a helix?

You felt your face get hot, pleased that he remembered, and surprised that he was so casually touching you. You managed a quiet “mhm” before the piercer sauntered over to you.

Piercer: Alright, kid. Where do you want it?

Cove shifted out of the way as you pointed to where he had touched. You explained to the piercer that you wanted a simple helix on your right ear. As the piercer was marking your ear, you looked at Cove with pleading eyes.

Y/N: Cove, can I hold your hand?

A distinct blush spread across his cheeks but he didn’t hesitate to position himself next to you on your left side. He offered you his hand and tried to smile reassuringly. You took it gratefully and practiced different levels of squeeze pressure. You didn’t want to accidentally hurt Cove. His hand was hot and familiarly comforting.

Piercer: Ready?

You looked straight ahead and tensed up. You felt your heart pounding in your throat, annoyed that you were so nervous about something you definitely wanted to do. You felt Cove’s eyes on you, a reassurance that he would always be there for you.

Y/N: Go for it.

The piercer lined up the needle and stuck it through your ear in one quick motion. The pain was sharp and quick. You winced and instinctively tightened your grip on Cove’s hand. He squeezed back gently and you could hear a slight sympathetic groan escape his throat. A throbbing soreness replaced the initial sharp pain. You sighed as the piercer removed the needle and inserted a simple silver hoop.

Cove: Y/N? Are you okay? How did it feel?

You looked up at Cove and met his concerned gaze. Without letting go of his hand, you offered a small smile.

Y/N: It definitely hurts. But having this helped wonders.

You lifted his hand and gestured to it with your eyes. His smile reflected a mixed sense of pride, embarrassment, and relief.

Cove: I’m glad… Here, let me get a better look at it.

With your hands still intertwined, he helped you hop off the piercing chair. You faced him and turned your head to the side so he could see the piercing.

Y/N: How does it look?

Cove smiled widely with eyes bright.

Cove: I like it. You look amazing, Y/N.

Although Cove instantly seemed to regret his phrasing, you felt thrilled. Knowing that Cove was into it made facing your moms later seem a little less daunting. You hoped he could be there to help back up your decision.

Y/N: Thank you, Cove. And thanks for being my stress ball.

Cove: Anytime. How about that smoothie I promised?

You bounced excitedly with a loud “Woo!” You finished the transaction with the piercer and listened to their spiel about piercing care. Soon you were off to the smoothie stand with Cove.

Y/N: Do you know what combo you’re going to get? Same as last time?

Cove hummed thoughtfully. You wondered if he was also remembering the time you stole a sip from his smoothie. He never ended up finishing it after that. You felt a pang of guilt and decided you would let him keep the smoothie to himself.

Cove: I think I’d like to mix it up. There were so many great options to choose from.

Y/N: Right?! I would love it if I could just add all of the fruit and berries. Make a super smoothie concoction.

Cove scrunched his face in exaggerated disgust. You chuckled at his reaction and gently nudged his arm. He nudged right back with a warm smile planted on his face.

You each placed your order with the smoothie attendant. Cove paid for both. You felt appreciative of the gesture, knowing he wanted to make you feel better about your foiled plan. His consideration for your feelings made you feel warm inside, even though you didn’t blame him at all for the mishap.

Cove picked up both smoothies and handed you your order with a smile. As you continued your walk through the mall, you took a long, deep sip and then exhaled loudly.

Y/N: That really hit the spot! Thanks, Cove.

Cove simply nodded as he continued to sip at his smoothie. For a second you thought his lips wouldn't move from the straw for the rest of the trip, not willing to risk losing a drop to your sneaky mouth. But then, he broke free and smiled with a wince.

Cove: Brain freeze.

You burst out laughing, relieved that he would actually be available to talk to you.

Y/N: I know a trick for getting rid of a brain freeze! Here, look at me.

Cove faced you quizzically. You opened wide, turned your face upward, and pressed your tongue up to the roof of your mouth. His gaze dropped to your mouth while his own mouth fell open. An obvious blush spread across his face and he nodded. You wondered if seeing the underside of your tongue was a little too scandalous for Cove. You closed your mouth into a cheeky smile.

Y/N: Try it. I promise it works.

Cove turned away from you and tried your trick with his mouth firmly shut. He sighed in relief and immediately took another sip of his smoothie. That earned another laugh from you. He smiled at you sweetly with a mouthful of smoothie.

The walk continued pleasantly for a few minutes. You laughed, and teased, and joked with each other comfortably. You both reminisced about the last mall trip you had with Lee and Derek, even though it was only a few weeks ago. Suddenly, Cove’s pace slowed and he came to a halt. When you turned back to look at him, his expression lost in thought. He absentmindedly picked at the side of the cup with his nails. You noticed tiny indentations marked across the styrofoam cup.

Y/N: Cove? Is everything alright?

Cove breathed out and walked towards you gently. He extended his smoothie towards your face. His face red and his eyes glued to the smoothie, refusing to meet your gaze.

Cove: Would you like to try mine? I think it’s delicious. I think you would like it.

Stunned, and a bit apprehensive, you thought deeply. You didn’t want Cove to miss out on the rest of his smoothie again. But this time he was offering. You wondered what changed, and hoped this wasn’t more piercing-related guilt.

Y/N: If you’re sure, I would love to. But promise me you’ll finish the rest.

Cove’s eyes snapped to yours and it was his turn to feel stunned. You never revealed to him that you knew he never finished the smoothie last time. He looked embarrassed, but you had to be sure he wouldn't throw it out again.

Cove: I— yeah. I’ll finish it.

That was good enough for you. You wrapped your lips around his straw and took a big sip. The flavor was different to yours, but still satisfying. You kept your eyes on Cove while you pulled away from his smoothie. He slowly raised the smoothie to his own mouth and took a quick sip, all while looking desperately to the side.

Y/N: Success!

Cove let out a nervous laugh, glad to have made that much progress. He was still blushing while you continued your trek. You wondered if his face would ever return to its normal color as long as that smoothie was in his hand.

You finally made it back to the entrance with Cove. His dad would be returning to pick you up in a few minutes, as promised. You both threw your empty smoothie cups into the nearby trash can. You looked out the glass doors and noticed the rain finally stopped falling. There might be a chance to enjoy the outdoors with Cove before it was time to face your moms.

You decided to wait outside. He stood next to you and sighed.

Cove: I’m sorry again.

Y/N: It’s okay, I couldn’t have asked for a better rainy day partner. Thanks for doing this with me.

You inched closer and smiled up at him. He grinned back, convinced that everything would be okay. You waited in a comfortable silence, satisfied with your own rebellious actions.

[starrynite7114]

Everything is you: fights

A/N: Good afternoon everyone! Wanted to share this lovely update with you all before I go to bed. I have class in 5 hours and work in 7 hours. Yes, I am insane, but I still wanted to give you all of this as it has been sitting on my google docs. Work has me going crazy along with school, please bare with me. I’m excited for this short as this delves further into their background!

Enjoy! All of you are just so kind to me, I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but I love you all so much!

everything is you

Word count: 7028

Warnings: Angst, Fluffy

Masterlist

tagged list: @justahopelessssromantic : @ifoundmyhappythought : @carlaangel86 : @woahitslucyylu : @encounterthepast : @enamoured-x : @thewarriorprincessxo : @briana-mishell24 : @bribri-82 : @chibsytelford : @agirllovespasta : @twistnet : @everyhowlmarksthedead : @trulysuccubus : @jadert15 : @sammskellington : @cind-in-real-life :  @onmyspookysblock : @sadeyesgf : @thickemadame : @summertimesadnesswithadashofsass : @gemini0410 : @elcococruz : @samcrobae : @sesamepancakes : @iambabyharry : @blackmissfrizzle : @mrs-losa : @1-800-imagines : @phoenixhalliwell : @lady-pswrld : @dazzledamazon  : @getyourcrayoncas : @fvckthisbxtchup : @lukealvxz : @scuzmunkie : @lilac-tea-time : @danie1432 : @cocotheclown : @soaronmywings : @my-rosegold-soul : @buttercup812 : @un-poetryy : @angelreyesgirl : @sheeshgivemeabreak : @vicmackeybullshxt : @bigcreatorwombatdreamer : @khyharah : @strawberrywritings : @cherry-icetea : @fuzzy-jellyfish : @losolvidad0s : @brownsugarcoffy : @courtrae89 : @prdsdjarin : @blessedboo : @marvelmaree : @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat : @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead : @thesandbeneathmytoes : @dark-twisted-and-mechanical-mind : @maddie-georges : @pearlkitten33 : @aquamento : @incorrect-mcdanno : @that-chick212 : @imanerdychubbyqueen : @60shannon : @deeandbobbymcgee : @rebel-without-cause-x​ 

Angel and Alena had plenty of fights throughout the years.

But the first fight they had, Angel always teased her how dumb it was. And he also stated it was more jealousy than anything. 

Angel was able to drive during his senior year of high school, which made everything so much easier. He got a beat up car but he didn’t care, it got him from point a time point b. 

“Angel, I’ll just take my umbrella.” Alena argued when he dropped her off. He was playing hooky today, but he still dropped Alena and EZ off. It wasn’t raining yet, but it was predicted later today.

“No, I told you I’m gonna come pick you up. They said it won’t rain till four, so you’re good. I’ll be here to pick you up at 3.” Angel ruffled her hair while EZ waited outside with Carla. 

“Okay,” she grabbed her bag and before she could leave, Angel stopped her. “What’s up?”

“Happy birthday, I’ll see you later.”

Alena beamed up at him and said thank you before slipping out of his car. Her crush was ridiculous and she had to push it away. Angel would never be interested, he bad Monica.

“Happy birthday best friend!” Carla greeted her, wrapping her into an embrace. 

“Look at that blush, did Angel kiss you?” EZ teased.

Carla, Alena and EZ were the three musketeers. They shared things with one another especially after Carla came into their group. And since they did, EZ knew about her horrible crush on his brother.

“Shut up.” Alena pushed him. 

They made their way to homeroom which Alena and Carla had together.

Alena couldn’t wait till the end of the day. Angel promised to give her her birthday present at the end of the day. She didn’t care what it was, everything Angel gave her was something she cherished.

Her mother also had a big dinner planned.

Her father wasn’t home, he was in Korea, but she didn’t mind. A celebration usually meant her father got drunk and those situations were not fun.

Alena pulled her jacket closer together as she walked home from school. It was four and Angel never showed up. 

EZ had baseball practice, which she sure was canceled. Carla went home early since she had a dentist appointment. Instead, Alena walked home alone, in the pouring rain.

She knew she should have taken her umbrella. 

Now, she was going to be sick and that was never fun.

When she made it home, her mother scolded her endlessly about how she shouldn’t have left her umbrella in Angel’s car. It wasn’t like Angel to not text her if he wasn’t going to be able to make it.

But two hours later and after the scolding stopped, Angel was apologizing profusely, telling her was on his way to her house. He was with Monica and the time passed, he didn’t even notice that it was as late as it was. 

She didn’t want to see him though. She felt irrational for being upset, for being jealous since Angel forgot her on her special day, but she was hardly irrational and she had the right to be mad, even for just a day. 

‘It’s okay. We finished dinner and I have homework, you don’t have to come.’

She took off her glasses, placing it on her bedside drawer. She already finished all her work during school in anticipation for her birthday celebration. She still had fun with her mother and brother. Felipe, Marisol and EZ came by to have some cake, but otherwise, Alena went to her room to do homework, even though it was all done.

Angel

‘Come on cielo, I’m sorry. I’m almost there.’

She sighed, replying quickly.

‘It’s okay, I’m going to sleep. Good night.’

Alena closed her eyes, hugging her pillow letting sleep takeover.

Angel sighed, parking his car in front of his home. It was midnight and he lied, telling his parents he had an extra shift at the grocery store. But he didn’t. He also didn’t tell his parents that he skipped school to fuck around with Monica.

He fell asleep after they had sex and the next thing he knew, it was eight in the evening and he missed Alena’s dinner, he didn’t pick her up.

Walking in the house, he was startled when the light turned on. He looked over and it was EZ.

“The fuck are you doing sitting in the dark?” Angel covered his eyes since EZ shone the lamp on him.

“Did you know Alena walked home in the rain?” EZ wasn’t holding back. He got it, Angel had a girlfriend, but it was Alena’s birthday. 

“I don’t need this shit right now. I fucked up, my bad. I’ll make it up to her.” Angel brushed it off. It was the only thought that was keeping him from knocking on Alena’s window.

“You know how easy she gets sick, you should have just left her umbrella with her.” EZ stood up for where he was sitting, shaking his head. 

Angel opened his mouth to say something, but EZ’s next words surprised him.

“Bryan said he’ll take Alena to school now. It’ll just be you, me and Carla.”

“Why?” It was the only thing Angel could muster to say.

EZ shrugged. “He said Alena requested for him to bring her to school.”

Alena couldn’t be upset for him for long, he was confident at that.

But Alena was upset at him. 

The most irritating part, she spoke to him, was very pleasant, but she didn’t let him back in. It was like back to the beginning for them.

This went on for about a month and by Thanksgiving he was back in Alena’s good graces.

But just before winter break, it all fell apart again.

Alena held the Tupperware of cookies she made for Angel and his teammates. They were very nice to her and she always tried to bring them some homemade pastries to lighten up their spirits after practice. 

It was five in the afternoon which meant practice was done. The boys should be showered and ready to go. She waited by the end of the field, where she usually waited for Angel. She saw them by the entrance of the field and just waited by the end since they looked like they were having a bit of fun with Angel.

“I’m glad your shadow is back Angel, she makes good ass baked goods.” One of his teammates teased him.

“Yeah, if only she mixed it with some kush, we would be golden.”

Angel shook his head at his teammates, laughing along.

“Thought you would want her to stay away from you, didn’t you say you were getting annoyed by her constantly following you around?” 

Alena froze when she heard that. 

There’s no way.

“Yeah, but you know, my mom wants me to look after her. Once I graduate, she’ll be out of my hair.” Angel didn’t mean that, sort of. There were times Alena annoyed him, especially when he wanted to be alone with his friends and Monica, but those thoughts faded rather quickly. “She’ll be Ezekiel’s problem then.”

“Just leave her stranded again, maybe she’ll stop talking to you then.”

“Or you know, you can tell her that you’ll never have feelings for her, especially when you have a beauty like Monica.”

Angel frowned at that, but he just laughed along with them. 

Popularity was a bitch.

Alena couldn’t stop the tears that fell from her eyes. She turned and she ran into one of Angel’s teammates, Rico.

“Hey, Alena, what are you doing here?” He saw the tears in her eyes. “Are you crying?”

“Yeah, sorry allergies.” Alena quickly wiped them and smiled up at him.

He wasn’t stupid, he was right behind Alena hearing everything Angel and his other teammates said. 

“Alena.” Rico sighed.

“Sorry, can you just give this to Angel and the guys? I don’t want it to go to waste. Thank you. Have a good break.” Alena smiled at him again and walked away quickly. 

She was thankful her brother waited for her, especially since they were headed to LA to spend winter break there. When she got inside the comforts of her brother’s car, the tears fell freely then.

“Lena? What’s wrong?” Bryan frowned.

“Nothing, sorry. Can we please leave?”

Bryan wanted to argue, but he didn’t want Alena to be worked up. 

Everything changed from there.

Angel attempted to contact her throughout the winter break. 

No answer.

EZ didn’t even have an answer for him.

Then he didn’t see her at school.

No matter how hard he tried to make their paths cross, it never happened. 

Football season had him busy along with the senior activities with his friends and Monica. Next thing he knew, he was graduating and headed for college.

But something was missing.

On the day of graduation, he and Monica broke up, since she was going to Cal State L.A. and Alena’s absence took a toll on their relationship. Monica was never bitter, but even she noticed Angel wasn’t the same after Alena disappeared on him.

Angel wasn’t even sure why he didn’t think of this sooner, but Angel found himself outside of Alena’s window. He peered inside and saw Alena moving around in her room. The window was opened since her parents didn’t believe in turning the AC on until nine in the evening.

He climbed through the window, startling Alena. 

“Angel, what are you doing here?”

“You wouldn’t talk to me, so here I am.” Angel knew what happened. Rico made sure he knew that he fucked up and broke Alena’s heart. Seeing her now, he didn’t realize just how much he missed her.

“My mom said she spoke to your mom. You are relieved of your duties.” Alena managed to smile, something she perfected while her father criticized her, to try and better her. Through hurtful words, she managed to smile and persevere, it’s what kept her sane. “If I was such a burden to you, all you had to do was tell me, I wouldn’t have held it against you because at least I heard it from you.” 

Angel remembered that talk. It was part of the reason he didn’t try to pursue Alena when she was at home. Her father was home much more often and his mother advised him to give her time as Alena was under the impression he spoke to her out of obligation. 

Angel sighed. “Fuck, I missed you.” He was drinking her in, realizing he hasn’t been in the same room as her since that day before winter break last year.

“What?” Alena looked up at Angel. She missed him too, but she didn’t want to tell him that.

“I missed you, Alena. You haven’t spoken to me in six months.” Angel took a step towards her, but she backed away. He didn’t want to frighten her, so he didn’t move and stayed in place. 

“Yes, and that’s what you wanted. I’m no longer burdening you with taking care of me.” Alena continued to pack like what she was doing prior to Angel coming in.

“What are you doing?” He noticed the clothes all over her bed then.

“I’m packing.”

“Why?” He slightly panicked but tried his best to not show it.

“My brother and I are going to Korea with my mom for the summer.” Alena didn’t have to explain anything to him, but she didn’t want to be rude.

“What? How long will you be gone?”

“2 months.”

“You’re coming back right?”

“I don’t see why that would matter to you?”

“How the fuck can you even say that to me?”

“Look, I told you, you’ve been relieved from your duties. You don’t have to apologize or do anything to make it up to me, we’re good.” She smiled at him. “We had a good few years even though you befriended at your mother’s behest. Thank you for being my friend.”

Angel wanted to shake her, he was frustrated to say the least.

“Are you kidding? Alena, I fucking get it, what I said was fucked up, but I didn’t mean it. I was an asshole, but you know you’re my friend and I didn’t befriend you for my mom.” He was certain it wouldn’t even make a dent with Alena.

“Can you leave? I don’t want my father to come in and catch you.”

“You got me fucked up if you think we’re done.”

Alena didn’t say anything and just watched Angel leave through her window. It was endearing that he was trying now, but she made up her mind.

===============

Angel was outside sitting down at their porch, waiting for the Kim’s to come back. He heard the door open, but kept his eyes at their house, he felt that if he even looked away once, she would appear and he would miss her.

To say he’s been antsy the past two months would be an understatement. Ezekiel spoke to her through some messaging app. But otherwise, he mostly saw his mother speaking to her mother from time to time.

He tried messaging her, but she literally ignored his messages.

“You doing okay son?” He heard his father ask.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m good pops.” Angel looked over at his father quickly before looking back to the house again.

“They’re supposed to have dinner at our place tonight Angel, you can see her then.” Watching Angel going through the motions have been painful for Marisol and Felipe. It was okay when she was ignoring him, but he could still see her. This? This was different. Angel worked at the carniceria often to keep himself distracted. Angel was slated to start practice soon at UCSD, after getting a scholarship to play football.

“I just want to make sure they arrived safely.” Angel replied, not going to be dissuaded regarding waiting for her.

Felipe smiled. His son was in love and he wasn’t even aware of it yet. “Okay, well, your mother needs you to run to the store once they arrive.”

“Sure thing pops.”

Felipe patted his back before going inside. Angel saw Bryan’s car pull up in front of their house then. He immediately stood up and made his way over. He watched as Michelle and Bryan exited the car. He waited for one of the back passenger doors to open but they didn’t.

“Reyes, you’re up early.” 

It was nine in the morning and a Saturday. He usually wasn’t up till noon.

“Yeah, worked out this morning.” A lie. “How was your trip?”

“Good, too fucking hot, but what’s new.” Bryan chuckled.

“Angel, my favorite Reyes!” 

Angel chuckled, making his way over to Michelle, giving her a hug. 

She placed her hands on his cheeks, pinching both of them. “Look at you! Too skinny, your mom and I have to fatten you up.”

Angel laughed at that. She definitely missed her.

“Where’s Alena?”

Michelle pursed her lips while Bryan kept quiet as he took their stuff out. 

“Is she coming later?” He was getting nervous. They were looking anywhere but him.

“My sister didn’t tell you I’m guessing.” Bryan shut his trunk. “My sister moved to San Diego with our father. She switched schools and is going to attend the private school my father has been asking her to attend.”

Angel laughed. “Quit playing, is she in the back seat?”

“Just go inside umma.” Bryan walked over to Angel, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Listen, my mom doesn’t know you and Alena fell out, well at least the extent of it, but I do. I get it, you’re a high school football star who had to look cool in front of his friends. My sister doesn’t need that in her life. She’s very unsure of her place already and the last thing she needs is someone who pretends to be her savior when he’s not. My sister isn’t as fragile as you think. Thank you for taking care of my sister, but you’re good now.” Bryan picked up their luggage and turned to Angel one last time. “Stay away from my sister.”

Angel watched as Bryan brought their stuff inside. This wasn’t possible. Alena wouldn’t leave him like this. It’s always been them. He didn’t give a fuck if they were young, but they valued their friendship. He fucked up, he knew that, but she had to give him a chance to make it up to her.

He stood by his word, they weren’t done. 

Far from it.

When he finally broke Ezekiel down, he went to her school after his class. He waited anxiously to see her. He hasn’t seen her for four months. He even brought her favorite Starbucks drink since it was hot. He heard her laugh before he saw her.

When he looked up, he saw Alena and she was with a guy. He was at least his height, of asian descent. He had his arm around her, playfully teasing her. He saw that familiar blush on her cheeks and he felt his heart clench.

His Alena had a boyfriend.

Alena looked up and saw Angel. Her smile dropped and she stepped away from Nick.

“Hey, I’ll see you tomorrow.” She could see how tense Angel’s shoulder looked. 

“Sure, same cafe?”

“Yes.” She smiled up at him.

Nick hugged her and she hugged him back. Once he was out of sight, she made her way to Angel.

“So what, you replaced me now?” Angel immediately spat out, not able to control himself.

“What?” She tilted her head in confusion.

Angel groaned. “Don’t do that, I can’t be mad at you when you’re looking cute.” He held the drink out. “Here, I got your favorite with soy milk.”

“Thank you, you didn’t have to do that.” Alena took the drink. 

“I know, but I wanted to.” He looked around and whistled. “Nice school.”

“Yeah, it is.” She looked down at her shoes, holding her drink. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you.” Angel shoved his hands in his pocket. “Can we talk?”

“Um, I have swimming practice.”

“I can wait for you, I finished my last class two hours ago.” 

Alena was hesitant and Angel could see that.

“Alena, please, I just want to speak to you.” Angel pleaded. “I miss you.”

“Okay.” 

Alena came out of her practice, her coach stepping out with her. Angel stood up from where he was sitting outside the pool area. He noticed how close Alena was with her coach. He remembered that he’s been helping Alena out since she was twelve. Her father had it set out for her that she could swim for the Olympic team. Alena has won a few competitions statewide and nationwide, but he knew Alena didn’t want to do it. 

It made her antsy.

“Angel, nice to see you again!” Coach Henderson waved at him.

“You too coach!” Angel waved. 

Alena smiled and thanked him, walking over to Angel. 

“Is your dad in town?”

“No, he’s in Korea for the next five months. My brother is staying with me.” She explained. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Are you hungry? Let’s go eat.” Angel offered as they walked towards the entrance of the school.

“I’m not really hungry.” She was famished, but the last thing she wanted to do was spend time with Angel. There was no point on continuing, she knew Angel was making the effort cause he felt bad.

“Come on Alena, I’m trying here. I know you’re upset, but I really do want to be here for you.” Angel didn’t know what he could do to appease Alena. She moved out of Santo Padre to technically get away from him, but he ended up moving to San Diego.

“You don’t have to try. I’m no longer following you around, you have other people to busy your time with. Please just leave me alone.”

“Not going to happen.”

“Listen, you left me alone for almost a year, let’s not break that streak.”

“Alena, please, what do I have to do to get back in your good graces?”

“Nothing, we’re fine Angel. You’re scot free.”

Angel shook his head. “No, we’re not fine. You can’t even look at me.”

“Alena.” Angel and Alena looked over at the entrance of the school and found Bryan there. Alena quickly walked over to her brother, who was staring down at Angel.

“Thought I told you to stay away Reyes.” Bryan offered his hand to Alena and she gave her backpack to him.

“You can go fuck yourself Bryan.” 

Bryan chuckled and looked over at his younger sister. “Told you he would come looking for you.”

“It’s fine, he’ll stop.”

Bryan shook his head. His baby sister could be so naive.

For the next two months, Angel came to see Alena after school and waited for her after practice. She would be polite and talk to him, but she never stayed with him for longer than fifteen minutes. Angel didn’t want to force her and went with whatever she offered him. On her birthday, he brought her a Red Velvet cupcake, which was her favorite.

===============

“Oh, I got you something else too.” Angel took a bag from his backpack, handing it to Alena. 

“You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Yeah, you always tell me that, yet I never listen.”

Alena smiled, looking down at the bag in her hands. She took out the paper and reached inside the bag. Pulling out the contents, she gave him a questioning look.

“Just open it cielo.” He urged.

Alena opened the box and was happily surprised at what was inside. It was a jewelry box. It was pale blue, a smooth wooden texture.

“I made it, figured you need a jewelry box to keep all those charms Nick gets you.” Angel couldn’t help the disdain in his voice. But every week, Alena had a different charm on her bracelet from Nicholas. It was annoying.

“I do need a jewelry box, thank you Angel.” She was in awe, inspecting every crevice. “This is beautiful, you didn’t have to do this.”

“Yeah, I made it. I found it while my mom was thrift shopping, figured I could restore it.” Angel shrugged, slightly nervous, not knowing if Alena would like his gift.

“Thanks Angel.” Alena’s eyes softened and Angel was so relieved. That smile on her face made his heart beat faster and he felt so relieved.

“Is Nick your boyfriend?”

Angel’s question surprised Alena and she placed the jewelry box back inside the box. 

“No, he’s just my friend.” Alena stood up, their fifteen minutes were up. 

“Cielo, it’s your birthday, can I at least take you out? I know Bryan is working late and your mom is in Korea.”

“No, it’s okay, I would just like to go home.” Alena put her backpack on. “Thank you again Angel. We’re more than even now. You made it up for my birthday last year. We’re good.”

She began to walk away, but Angel followed after her.

“The fuck you mean we’re good?” He softly grabbed her arm, turning her to face him. “You think doing this out of guilt? Alena, it’s your birthday, I’ve been trying to make it up to you not only because I feel guilty, I miss my friend.”

“We were never friends.” 

Alena’s words wounded Angel and he let go of her arm. That’s all it took. Alena walked away and was happy to not hear any footsteps after her. She was relieved to see Nick outside, waiting for her with a bouquet of flowers.

“Hey, happy birthday.” Nick greeted her, offering the bouquet to her. “I had Mr. Choi drive me here after violin practice.” He looked beyond Alena and saw Angel was making their way towards them. “Your friend is coming.”

“He isn’t my friend. Let’s go.” Nick opened the door, Alena slipped in and he slipped in behind her. Alena watched as Angel stopped by the entrance of the school, the hurt and anger evident on his face.

He would give up on her now. He had to.

===============

That was a month ago and Alena hasn’t seen Angel since. No text messages, no calls, no emails, nothing. She was relieved since she didn’t want to keep seeing him. It wasn’t that she hated Angel, she just didn’t want to be hurt by him again.

She was texting Carla about their plans this weekend since she was coming over for the weekend. She was so excited to do something with Carla since she felt as if she hadn't seen her for quite some time. 

There was no swimming practice for a month since Coach Henderson was out of the country. It worked out for her since she just wanted a break. Her father has extended his stay in Korea and she honestly couldn’t be more happier. 

“I think I’m gonna get some yogurt and some chicken for dinner.” Alena smiled to herself, liking her plan for the night. Bryan was working later again, so she figured she could cook something up for him while enjoying her chicken.

“Talking to yourself mi cielo?”

She heard him, she did, but she continued to walk pretending she didn’t. They were done. Angel wasn’t supposed to come back.

“You can keep walking and I’ll just follow. You know I don’t mind talking while you walk silently.” 

Alena looked at her phone and knew that Nick was at violin practice. She did not like this one bit. Okay, maybe she did. The butterflies in her stomach were going wild knowing Angel was here. But she had to remain strong. She couldn’t exactly be with Angel.

Her father arranged for her to marry Nick.

It was the reason she went to Korea during the summer.

She was thankful Nick was kind, so it wouldn’t be difficult to marry him.

She wanted to argue with her father, say she would never marry Nick.

But she would never marry Angel.

She still had time to meet someone, but at times, it was better to accept your fate.

“Come on cielo, you can’t ignore me forever.” Angel followed after her.

Her words hurt him and he was mad for about two weeks, but midterms were a bitch so he focused on that, leaving Alena to her own devices. Maybe she’ll learn to appreciate him more.

Alena didn’t reply and continued to walk to her favorite Korean fried chicken place. She walked in the restaurant and Angel stayed behind, placing a cigarette stick on his mouth to relieve his stress. He didn’t know what to do with Alena, she usually spoke to him by now, but it’s been almost a year.

When Alena walked back out, Angel threw the cigarette butt down and walked after her.

“How was your birthday dinner with Nicholas?” Angel hated that guy. He looked so fucking boring.

Alena chose to not reply, deciding to skip on the yogurt. Angel didn’t know where her father lived and she preferred to keep it that way. She stopped walking and turned to face Angel.

He stopped, making sure he didn’t bump into her.

“Look, I told you, we’re not friends. You don’t have to come see me. If I see you during the holidays, cool, but otherwise, let’s just keep our distance.” Alena glared at Angel when this obnoxious smirk appeared on his face.

“I’m not leaving you alone. And we are friends, best friends even. I get why you’re upset, and I’m sorry. Just let me back in Alena.” Angel hated this distance between them. Alena was his best friend even though she considered Carla hers. 

Alena wasn’t sure what to say to Angel. She wanted to talk to him and she could tell he was sorry, but she knew remaining friends with him would be hard on her. She was slated to marry in five years when she was twenty-one years old. Getting out of this arrangement did not seem to be a possibility and again, Nick was kind and they got on well.

“I’m getting married, Angel and I don’t think it’s appropriate for us to continue talking out of respect for my fiance.”

“Excuse me what?” Angel wasn’t sure if he heard her correctly, but there was no mistaking that. She was getting married? To fucking who? 

“You heard me, I’m not going to repeat what I just said. But again, we weren’t friends, let’s just keep it the way it is. We can be civil, but it’s best for us to keep it this way.” Alena watched as Angel’s face fell. It hurt her and she wanted to reach out to him, to embrace him, but she refrained. He was the one person who understood her and was always there for her. Now, he would be a distant memory. “Goodbye Angel.”

She turned around to walk away, but his voice stopped her.

“To who?”

“I’m engaged to Nick.”

Angel sat on that for two days. Then he came to a conclusion that he couldn’t let her father control her life in that way.

So he came back and pestered her till finally just before her Thanksgiving break, Alena broke down and let Angel back in.

“I don’t understand why won’t you just leave me alone.” She made her way down the street towards Angel’s car.

Angel took her backpack from her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “There’s no option where I leave you alone, so, better get used to it.”

But Angel wasn’t always the perpetrator when they fought. 

The first time Alena upset Angel it was due to Nick. She was twenty-two and Angel was twenty-five. He hasn’t forgotten about it, to this day, he still teased her about it, which now he understood why she hid the fact he was her ophthalmologist.

Angel has been waiting for Alena since they had plans for dinner that night. He knew it was going to be a late dinner since she had class till seven. Coco was seated beside him, awaiting Alena’s arrival too.

Alena failed to mention that Nick was dropping her off, on his bike, the one thing Alena wouldn’t do with Angel. He’s been trying to convince her to ride along with him on his bike, especially since his hermano was more confident with his riding now. But Alena always declined. He wasn’t exactly sure why, but he knew Angel was going to be pissed.

Which was why he, Riz and Creeper had a bet going around. He chose that Angel would be pissed and refused to talk to Alena. Riz believed Angel would just let it slide, especially since it seemed Angel’s bond with Alena was far deeper than some childish shit as riding a motorcycle. Creeper chose the option of Angel would at least punch Nick since everyone knew of his temper and protectiveness over Alena.

They heard a motorcycle coming, but it never made its way inside. Coco looked at Angel as they both stood up. They walked over outside the gate and found a motorcycle coming down the pathway. It wasn’t a Mayan, that was for sure, the rev of the motorcycle sounded different. The motorcycle stopped right before the gate, the rider got off the bike, helping his companion off as well.

The rider helped their companion with their helmet and Coco immediately grabbed Angel, knowing his brother isn’t going to be happy. 

They watched as the rider took off his helmet and it was Nick. Alena laughed, covering her mouth and tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“Thank you for the ride.” She beamed up at him.

“I’ve always wanted to see Santo Padre.” Nick shrugged. “It’s not so bad, just a little warm.”

“It can get cold during the winter.”

“I’m sure it can.” He chuckled, the nervousness he felt all day came back. Placing his helmet on his bike, he stuffed his pockets inside his jacket. “Thanks for helping me with Physics.”

“Yeah, not a problem.” She waved it off.

“Alena,” Nick and Alena looked at one another before they both laughed. “You’re making me nervous.”

“What? Nervous why?” Alena looked over to the clubhouse gate and no one was there, thank god, since she didn’t want Angel to see her being brought by a motorcycle. He always pestered her about riding with him, but she never could. Being that close to Angel was painful. 

“Fuck, listen, I didn’t expect for this to happen, but the more time we spend together, the more I find myself falling for you.” Nick looked into Alena’s eyes, her glasses made her eyes more doe eyed. “I know we were engaged at the behest of our parents, but I like you Alena, I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Coco and Angel came out of the yard again, wondering what was taking Alena so long. Coco wished they stayed by the clubhouse now. They watched as Nick leaned down and kissed Alena.

Angel felt his heart clench as he watched Alena let Nick kiss her. He turned around, leaving Coco by the gate. First of all, Alena actually rides with this motherfucker and second, she let him miss her? The fuck was that.

“Alena.” Coco called out.

Alena pulled away and looked like a deer caught in headlights. Nick bit his lip and chuckled, waving a hello to Coco. He nodded his head back and waited for Alena to come walk over to him.

“Um,” Alena bit her lower lip and sighed. “I’m so sorry Nick.”

“It’s okay,” Nick looked down, not surprised by her rejection. “I’ll wait for you.”

“Nick,” Alena began.

“No, I know, but Angel doesn’t know what he has and I doubt he’ll confess to you. He’s not the only person in this world, you have to eventually let someone in.” Nick kissed her cheek. “I’ll see you next week.”

Alena smiled and nodded her head. She walked over to Coco, who had this shit eating grin.

“I would like to thank you for winning me forty dollars Hermana.” Coco chuckled. “Also, heads up, Angel’s pissed.”

“Was I late? Did I miss a call?” She looked at her cell phone and it was nine in the evening. She told him she was going to be late and text him that she was on his way around eight. 

“No, more like you brought a boy.”

Alena’s eyebrows furrowed at that. “What’s wrong with that?”

They made it to the group outside the clubhouse, hanging around the bonfire. Angel was nowhere to be seen.

“Hello,” Alena waved at everyone. “Where’s Angel?”

“Dorm.” Creeper replied.

Alena went inside the clubhouse and quickly greeted Hank, Taza and Bishop along with Gilly who was manning the bar. She made her way to the back and found Angel just watching television in his dorm. When he saw her he immediately looked away and she closed the door behind her. 

“Hey Angel,” she greeted him cautiously.

“I really don’t want to talk right now Alena.” 

The tone of his voice made her frown and nervous. Angel has never been upset at her before.

“Why are you mad at me?” Alena took a step towards him and Angel held his hand up.

“Leave Alena, I don’t want to see or talk to you.” Angel refused to look at her because he knew he would break if he did.

“Okay, sorry.” She didn’t want to push Angel. It was his first time being upset at her and the last thing she wanted to do was upset him further. She didn’t think he would hurt her, but she never pushed when other people were upset at her. They most likely had every right to be upset at her.

Alena walked out and she tried to not cry. She hated crying, it made her feel weak and fragile, like how everyone saw her.

“Princesa, where are you going?” Bishop questioned as she walked by them.

“Going home! My mom called, you know her.” The way she was able to mask her emotions, she was proud of herself. She waved at them and exited the clubhouse.

Making her way to Coco, she quickly said goodbye and he frowned. He called after her but Alena already made her way out of the clubhouse gate. Angel came out of the clubhouse in a hurry, realizing his mistake as soon as she walked out of his room. He heard how deflated she sounded and his heart couldn’t take that. 

He was being irrational and jealous. Never in his life had he seen Alena kiss someone else besides him and he wanted to fucking keep it that way. Alena told him she wanted to have a child for him one day and she may have been wasted, but ever since then, he knew she would be his eventually.

“What the fuck did you do?” Coco had stood up then, with plans to go after Alena, but Angel’s appearance halted his moves.

“Shut up.” Angel walked past Coco and right out of the gate. He walked to the front of the yard and could not find Alena. “Fuck!” 

Angel ran back inside and got on his motorcycle, driving quickly out of the yard. Alena’s mom wasn’t home and Bryan was in Los Angeles, where would Alena go? And she couldn’t have walked that quickly. 

Driving down towards her mother’s new house, he found Alena walking, trying her best to walk fast since her mother’s home was about a fifteen minute walk from the scrapyard.

He parked at the side of the road and got off, jogging after her.

“Cielo,” he called out. 

Alena stopped walking and turned around. “Hey,” she wiped her face and smiled at him. “What are you doing?” Her tears were always so painful for Angel. He hated to see her cry. 

Angel wasn’t exactly sure why, but he cupped her face and kissed her, surprising Alena as well. She closed her eyes and returned his kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck. 

Eventually, Angel pulled away, leaning his forehead against hers, both trying to catch their breath. Alena kept her eyes closed as Angel opened his, watching as she took a deep breath. Angel kissed her again and Alena immediately responded.

She didn’t feel this with Nick. The butterflies, the breathtaking aspect of it, the way her leg lifted just like Princess Diaries, only Angel did this for her.

“I want you,” Angel said against her lips.

“Me too, but I’m hungry.”

Angel laughed. “Come on cielo, I’ll make you some food then I can eat what I want.”

“Angel!”

PRESENT DAY

Angel took the mail out of the mailbox, balancing the mail in his hand with the flowers and chocolate he got Alena. He was currently in the doghouse since Angel upset Alena about his insistence that she stopped working with Victor. While he was being unreasonable, he just didn’t fucking like Victor.

Opening the door, he found Cruz sound asleep on the couch, his head on Alena’s lap. Placing the mail, flowers and chocolate down, he picked up Cruz and placed him on his bed. He came back out and picked up Alena, placing her on their bed. His favorite thing to come home to was finding Alena and Cruz asleep. Just knowing he got to come home to them after a hard day, that was all he wanted.

He placed the flowers inside a vase and the chocolate in the fridge. He picked up the mail to sort them out and one stuck out to him. It looked like an invitation with his and Alena’s name on it. 

Curiously, he opened it and he just had to let out a cackle.

“This motherfucker is getting married.” The invitation was for Nick’s wedding. Angel wouldn’t say he was still worried about Alena’s childhood friend, but he felt that he was the one that got away for Alena. Though Alena never returned his advances except the one time he kissed her, Angel was still worried.

And to know he was her ophthalmologist? It made it worse for him. He felt like if he made the wrong move, Nick would sweep in.

It was irrational, but he had his insecurities too. He just tried to remain confident because if he didn’t, he would lose his mind. Making his way to their bedroom, he couldn’t resist waking up Alena.

He placed the invitation on the bed and crawled over to Alena, shaking her awake.

“Cielo,” he softly called out.

Alena turned towards him, opened her eyes and yawned. “Hi, I’m still mad at you.”

“I know baby, and I’m sorry.” Angel kissed the back of her hand as he laid down next to her. “I love you.”

“Don’t try to be cute.” She smiled, teasing him.

“I told you, I’m sexy not cute.” Angel kissed her. “So, we got something in the mail.”

“Yeah? What is it?” She closed her eyes, hoping Angel would let her sleep some more. 

“Nick sent us an invite to his wedding.” Angel waited for her reaction and he definitely didn’t get it.

“Okay, with Shelby?” Alena opened her eyes, looking at Angel and awaiting a reply.

“Yes, how’d you know?”

Alena shrugged. “They’ve been on and off for years. Glad they finally decided to tie the knot.”

“Alena, wake up, do you not care?” Angel knew the questioned seemed idiotic, but he was curious.

“No, do you?” She closed her eyes again. “Babe, Nick is an old friend and that’s that. We can attend his wedding if you want to, but otherwise, no skin off my back.”

“Alena,”

“Ssh,” Alena cut him off, placing her hand on his lips. “Cud-cud time.” It was what Cruz said whenever he wanted to cuddle, which was something Alena picked up.

Angel laughed and wrapped his arms around Alena, her breathing evened out quite quickly.

He’s had his fair share of fights with Alena, he was just happy it was never too bad that she fully walked away. She almost did, but he would never give up on her.

She was everything to him. 

[barbasbodaciousbeard]

If You Love Someone, Let Them Go: Part 11

Summary: Since starting with SVU, Sonny hadn’t kept much terribly close to the chest. The squad knew about his family, growing up on Staten Island, the classes at Fordham. What was hidden was why he didn’t date. Sonny Carisi was also separated from his childhood sweetheart, a separation neither ever took to divorce. They had the same haunts. They’d grown up neighbors. Their paths crossed every few months, and divorce talks would turn into reminiscing would turn into a night spent together, sometimes sex sometimes just talking until the early morning. It always ended with one of them waking up alone however. How will that change when the squad finds out?

Pairings: Sonny Carisi x Original Character

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

A/N: One of the first chapters I wrote. 

March 2016: 

“I don’t like this,” Victoria muttered, brushing his hair back. 

“I know, doll. I’ll be home soon enough, okay?” He was going undercover, staying in a shelter for sex offenders, and she was clinging to him beforehand. Sonny was thankful when Victoria came home with a bag of clothes he was inheriting from Margy’s husband so that he didn’t have to bring anything from this home after. The only thing he refused was taking his ring off, working marriage into his back story. It wouldn’t come off again. 

“I know. I just hate knowing where you’ll be. Who you’ll be around.”

“Me too, Tor. I gotta pretend I’m one of them.”

“We’ll go see Bella and Tommy when you’re home. Play with our newest niece.”

“I’d like that a lot.”

“I love you, Dom. I’ll miss you.”

“I love you, Tor. I’ll miss you too. Be home as soon as I can, okay? You call Liv if you need anything. Amanda has your number too, in case she needs help with Jessie.”

“I know. Go catch the bad guy, okay?”

He kissed her softly, and she ruffled his hair as he left. Sonny didn’t want to look too much like himself for this. She’d suggested the name Smitty, mostly as a joke when they were watching some movie. It was a week and a half before he could come home. Once they thought they had Loomis, and then realized Richie was involved too, Sonny got to come home and shed the persona before returning to the precinct. Of course, Victoria didn’t know any of this; she just knew Sonny would need support.

In the time he’d been gone, she’d been feeling under the weather, so when he got home, she was sipping ginger tea in a vain attempt to settle her stomach. He dropped the duffel bag when the door was locked, immediately starting to peel off the jacket, then the inherited hoodie, then the jeans that didn’t fit right and drop them on the bag.

“I gotta wash this off,” he said plainly as he went for the shower. It was a habit he’d taken to as he figured out how to separate the days on the job that felt like they stuck with him the most. Sonny would shower, though he usually didn’t feel such an aversion to his clothing, and then talk to her once he felt better. This time, she went to the bathroom after a while, sitting on the toilet seat.

“You okay?” she asked.

“I guess.” The water shut off, and he pulled the curtain back to get a towel. “I didn’t like pretending I had pictures of kids. But it also was weird? I don’t think any of those guys got enough time. But I was also, like, playin’ dominoes with them. Can make you wonder if they’re the same guy as before they did time.”

“I know that’s not easy to think about.”

“It looks like they might have proved me wrong.”

“How?”

“The guy who did it? He’s the one I thought was probably rehabilitated. He also saved me when I got jumped so-”

“You got jumped?”

“Shit, Lieu didn’t tell you?”

“No. Dom, are you okay?” 

“A vic’s dad saw me at the precinct. I was new in the place so he thought I was the perp and he and his friends brought bats.” He shifted around, and she could see deep purple bruise across his back. “Richie, one of the guys, saved me.”

“Sweetheart,” she whispered, fingers gently brushing over the swelling. “Did you see a doc?”

“It’s just a bruise. Feeling better every day.”

“Liv said you gotta go back in?”

“No. But, I need to hear everything. See this through.”

“I know. Liv said she approved for you to take a few days off when it’s over.”

“She told me. Somebody meddled.”

“Love you,” she sang softly. “You need to take time to recover.”

“I was planning to ask, and I appreciate that you did meddle when you watched Noah. I love you. So much.”

“I’ll get you some clothes while you shave and stuff.”

“Thank you, Tor.” She left him to get ready, laying out a suit and tie and everything else. He came in not long after, and she took advantage of the opportunity to watch him get dressed. Things had been good again for almost a year, and she needed to talk to him, but knew this wasn’t the time. In the worst case of timing, she’d started to feel sick while he was okay. It wasn’t too bad at first, easily written off as PMS, but she’d realized she was late the night before, something that made her wish it had taken him just one more day to come home. She hadn’t taken a test yet, and it didn’t feel like the right time to talk about it. She knew he’d be ecstatic if she were, but they’d decided to drop the subject until summer. The possibility still scared her because all she could consider was that he'd get distant when the first hard case came.  

Sonny would get home that night, and they’d have the weekend. The trial would start on Monday, and Dominick planned to go. They had the next two days, and then he’d take two after the trial. There was a box of tests tucked at the bottom of her underwear drawer, and a lazy Saturday felt like the right time to find out. He fell into the bed when he got home,taking just enough time to tell her the attorney was the real perp and the guy who had saved him wasn’t before falling asleep quickly. Since he was home so late, it was easy enough for her to wake up before him, running the shower as she watched the clock. 

“How about I join-” she could hear Sonny before she turned and saw him, eyes wide. He took in Victoria settled on a toilet seat with a small white stick clutched in her hands.  “Is that what I think it is?”

“Yeah,” she said, cheeks red as her eyes welled up. “Don’t be mad.”

“Hey, hey,” he soothed, kneeling in front of her. “I’m not mad. Did you not want me with you?”

“Yeah. I’m scared, Dom.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to process it. What we talked about at Christmas. The fact it’s not June yet, so I shouldn’t be pregnant.”

“We’ll stay in therapy. Unfortunately a verbal agreement doesn’t prevent pregnancy,” a soft smile as he teased her. “But I’ll be here. I swear to you, doll. I know the doin’ is the only thing that can make that real.”

“I was definitely going to tell you if I am. I got a little box to put it in.”

“That’s all that matters to me, okay? We’re two separate people. You’re the one who may be carrying our baby. If you needed to process that first, it’s fair. I really hope you are, though.”

“I think what scares me is that I kind of do too. We always talked about it. But this isn’t when we planned, y’know?”

“I know, doll. But I think the last few years tell us everything ain’t going to go to plan. But we can get through anything,” Sonny whispered, kissing her temple. She looked to her phone, letting out a breath. “Want me to check it?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, head on his chest. He reached forward, holding it up.

“How many lines is a baby?” 

“Two.” She knew the answer as soon as she heard him sniff and felt his arms tighten around her. Victoria could feel the smile on his face, and she clung to him. 

“We made a baby, tesoro.”

“Lemme see,” she murmured, eyes teary. Reverently, she held it, wrapping around his middle. 

“Wait, so around six weeks is when my sisters all realized. Tor, are we having a Valentine’s baby?”

“I guess,” she whispered. “They’ll give us the conception window, won’t they?”

“Oh my god, we’ll get to see them soon,” he beamed, dropping his hands to her belly. His wide eyed reverence made her feel butterflies in her stomach, butterflies that started to overshadow the nerves. 

“We will. I’ll call a doctor Monday. Maybe they can squeeze me in your off days. Then we can see them before you tell anyone. I know you won’t be able to wait until 12 weeks to tell ma.”

“What made you start realizing?”

“I had all that indigestion. Got fatigued right before you went. Then I’ve been nauseous all the time and peeing a lot. I realized I was late like the night before you got home when I realized how much my boobs hurt. I wanted to know before you got here but then it wrapped up.”

“What are you craving?” he asked, picking her up and gently settling her on the bed. “I’ll get you these ginger candies. Teresa, Bella, and Gina all swear by them for the nausea and indigestion. I couldn’t get Amanda to eat them with Jesse. You’ll need a pregnancy pillow when you get bigger. And not to be gross, but we gotta get chia seeds. Bella learned it helps you not get constipated.”

“Nothing yet. But I love you,” she whispered, pulling him to lay against her side. She wanted to cry, so grateful to see his response. The change she’d imagined was sudden, an immediate withdrawal. Now he was here, after a hard case, not pulling back. Instead, she had a feeling there’d be a basket of ginger candy, bananas, and chia pudding waiting on a pregnancy pillow with a handful of onesies.

“I love you, too,” he grinned before ducking to kiss her unchanged belly. “And I love you, kiddo. Me and your mom can’t wait to meet you.” Victoria’s hand rested in his hair as he laid his head on her side. She was right, and he went to the store after a while, returning hours later with bags. Carefully, he laid everything on the coffee table. He was excited, she could tell, and she wondered if he’d even make it to the appointment before telling his mom. 

“So, I know we aren’t tellin’ ma yet, but I did some googling about your boobs to try to figure out what can help. It said the, like, stretchy bras like these so I got a lot. And then these boob ice packs and nipple cream because I didn’t know which part hurts. Prenatals, because duh. Ginger candy since that’s bothering ya now. I got chia seeds for if you get constipated and then Gina ate a banana a day because she got lots of muscle cramps, so I got us more bananas. And then there’s that dip and chips you like flowers in the kitchen.”

Victoria was silent, staring up at him. The doubt that had wormed its way into her head was gone, though she knew it would reappear until experience confirmed she was wrong. But now? She was more secure than she’d ever been. She thought whatever change would be there suddenly, that he’d pull away when he knew and spend too much time in his head. Instead, here was Sonny, just off a case that wasn’t easy for him, putting his focus on the good news. He knew she was afraid, and he was genuinely there for her. She also knew that there was an extent to which this was his way of saying See, doll? I’m not going anywhere. Victoria teared up, and Sonny looked worried, dropping beside her.

“Come here, you absolute sap,” she sniffed. There were the hormones. Really, there was the overwhelming confirmation that he wasn’t going anywhere and they’d get this life together. The sentimentality she often felt when she realized he was just so good and so sweet, even if he thought his job tainted that.

“Ah, you happy crying?”

“Yeah. You’re so perfect, Dom. This is so sweet.”

“You’re carrying our baby, Victoria. This is the least I can do. I’m going to take care of you. I’m so grateful.”

The weekend and trial went by in a blur, but Victoria was able to confirm she was pregnant with bloodwork while he was in court. They were going to an ultrasound that Thursday, and she was glad to know the trial would wrap up in time for Sonny to make it without her needing to reschedule. She was later than she realized once she visited the doctor, and Sonny had excitedly downloaded apps for both of them to track the pregnancy week by week. The first time anyone saw them together, they’d probably guess that she was pregnant, based only on the way he escorted her like she’d break now and instinctively reached for her belly despite the lack of a bump. If it weren’t so endearing, she’d be furious.

“You excited to see them?” he asked, leg bouncing as they sat. “Ain’t a valentine’s baby, but that means we get them two weeks sooner.”

“I can’t wait,” she said, hand going to his knee. “You okay, Dom?”

“I’m so nervous.”

“Me too. But we can see them today.”

“The app says they’re the size of a raspberry. Maybe that’s why you’ve been craving them.”

“We’ll track the weekly comparisons.”

“We’ll tell everybody at dinner tonight. Ma’s gonna flip.”

“And you can tell the squad when you decide. I know you. Four weeks could be unbearable.”

“I just wanna tell everybody. We got a little raspberry.”

“Saturday we get the next fruit.”

“Perfect. I’ll update my chart of what you’ll be craving.” He kept his hand on her back as they went to the ultrasound room, watching the tech like a kid on Christmas. If she didn’t know for a fact that he’d been incredibly supportive of four different women through pregnancy, she’d think he didn’t know how any of this worked. When the nurse started to show them the baby, confirming the heartbeat and measuring to determine if the age was correct, Sonny watched the image with what was officially the goofiest of his grins she’d ever seen. 

“Want to hear them?” the tech asked softly. “I think we’ll be able to hear.”

“Please,” Victoria smiled as she held his hand tight. Sonny pressed his lips to the back of her hand as the steady sound filled the room. His eyes were brimmed with happy tears, and she started to cry too when they made eye contact, which made them both let out happy laughs. 

“That’s our kid.” The joy in his voice made Victoria wish they’d just gone straight for this a year before. 

“It is,” she whispered. Soon enough, they were in their apartment, and Sonny had his cheek pressed to her belly and the print out of the sonogram clutched in his hand.

“I’m gonna tell them a story every night. And if I get caught on a case, I’ll call and tell a really short story.”

“Yeah?” Her hand smoothed through his hair as she watched him. His eyes were closed, and he was desperate to see if he could pick up on the baby’s heartbeat. He knew he was just hearing hers, but maybe if he stayed there long enough…

“Yeah. And I’m gonna be at every sonogram. I can’t wait, Tor.”

“Me either, Dom. I know I’ve been scared, but this week makes me feel better about it. I can’t promise I won’t get panicky sometimes.”

“I know. I’m glad you’re feeling better about it, but I understand if you get freaked. The girls and Rollins? All three of them got really emotional and panicky.”

“I love you. We both do.”

“I love both of you. I’m telling Lieu tomorrow. I want to let her know. And be positive I get to be at the twelve week appointment.”

“That’s fine, Dom. I also know you gotta tell somebody.”

“That too,” he admitted.

The next morning found him giddy as he got to the office. On his way, he’d grabbed zeppoli, setting them out and dropping at his desk with his coffee. He’d only seen Fin so far, but it felt impossible not to run up to him, whip out his phone, and start showing off the ultrasound photo. He kept pulling it up just to be sure it was there and real and ready for him to show Olivia. He wasn’t sure he’d have made as much progress as he had without the squad she led. It had helped him feel more stable as he accepted that there were things he needed to work on to be okay again. Olivia was, to him, unknowingly a big part of why he’d gotten his head out of his ass. He went to her open door the minute he saw her sit down.

“Hey Lieu, can I talk to you?” he asked from the doorway. Liv motioned for him to come in and close the door. 

“Everything alright, Carisi?”

“I just got something you need to know, ‘cause I’ll have to disappear for a couple hours every once in a while.”

“Oh? Is everything okay?” she asked, leaning back as she looked up at him.

“Yeah. Tor’s nine weeks along as of this past Saturday, so the reason is about the size of a cherry now.”

“Victoria’s pregnant?” she beamed, and Sonny nodded eagerly, fumbling to pull out the ultrasound picture on his phone. 

“We found out a week ago. The ultrasound was Thursday. There’s no bump yet, but she’s got just a little bit bigger and I can’t wait until she pops. It’s kind of crazy, I know, but I’m going to be a dad. I was gonna wait until we did the twelve week ultrasound, but y’know, I gotta leave to do that.”

“And you just wanted to tell somebody.”

“That too,” he said, and Olivia wanted to tease him for how boyish he looked with the grin and nervous glances to his lap. “I’m glad I knew before the bar, or I wouldn’t have been able to focus.”

“You two will be phenomenal parents. Congratulations. Unless something comes up, you’re fine to go for doctor’s appointments. How’s she feeling?”

“Pregnant,” he laughed. “But the bakery’s in a good way. She’s stepping back a little more. And between my sisters and Amanda, I remember what stuff helps so I try to help.”

“I gave Bella Noah’s old clothes or I’d offer them.”

“I appreciate that. We’ll inherit enough from everybody though. Plus, I kinda like shopping for onesies and stuff. They’re really cute. And Target got in some real cute outfits...”

“Are you telling everyone else?”

“Not until twelve weeks. But I couldn’t go without telling you, lieu.”

@cycat4077​

[vanchlo]

The Partner / Chapter Seven, "The Recovery"

Word Count: 7.6k words /  Story Masterlist /  Read The Assistant /  Read on Wattpad / Song: Bloom by The Paper Kites (click to listen)

P.S. Please ignore any weird formatting stupid Tumblr did to the chapter. I just copy and paste from Google Docs and for some reason, Tumblr doesn’t like it. Sigh. 

"He touched her face gently with the back of his hand. 'You disappear so completely into your head sometimes,' he said. 'I wish I could follow you.' 'You do,' she wanted to say. 'You live in my head all of the time.”

- Jace and Clary, City of Ashes

“Ree, you need to eat something.” 

I had heard it again and again, and still, I was ignoring it. For better or for worse. It comes again, and another time as the bleep of the car locking behind us sounds. 

“You know what he’s going to say,” she continues. Of course, I do, it’s going to be if I’ve eaten breakfast, but he’s not himself right now. Yet, he’s still there, deep down. So is the way I don’t want to disappoint him, or our baby. 

“Fine, give me the damned granola bar then,” I relent, swiping the object from her hand and tearing it open. Luckily, my stomach doesn’t roil at the sight of it or the taste, and I chew hungrily. 

“I’ll just be out here then- well, in the waiting room, but not the same one, of course.” 

“Yeah,” I mumble absently, listening to her departing footfall. They echo in my ears amongst the busy sounds of the hospital floor, the Surgical Intensive Care Unit, or something like that. Only a minute off the lift and I couldn’t remember. 

The tips of my ears still felt numb with cold, another sensation nudging against the hammering of my heart in my chest. It grew faster and louder when I reached his door, the number still burned into my memory. This time, I don’t linger, walking right into the sounds and sights I didn’t miss. But there’s the man lying in the hospital bed I ached and longed for all night and this morning as I moved around our house without him. Thought about our baby without him, and saw the memory of him proposing on the balcony by myself. 

My heart slows its ticking and swells when I find his face, only to have it squeeze at the remembrance of the stitches and colors interrupting his beautiful skin. A pallor still clings to him and within moments, my lips are singing from kissing his warm forehead. Soft breaths escape his lips and sitting down in the chair beside him, my heart falls at his absence. There hadn’t been a second since the last time I was here that my thoughts didn’t overrun with missing him, wanting him. It’s unsuccessful when I attempt to nudge the disappointment away, trying to tell myself that he needs the sleep, no matter how much I want to see those eyes open and be warmed by his sunshine smile. 

It’s a few episodes of some Gordon Ramsay show on the telly before my eyes lull shut, awakened sometime later by something stroking my palm. Yawning, I open my eyes regrettably, that is until I see the tired pair looking at me. Searching for me, just like I do with him. 

“Becks . . yer back.” 

“Harry,” it’s a rushed sigh, and so are my movements that bring me to hug him. 

“Mmm, careful, bug.” 

“I’m sorry,” I apologize, pulling away to look at his glassy eyes through my wide-awake ones. 

“‘s okay, c’mere,” he almost smiles, surprising me with the strength he uses to pull on my arm until I’m back in his. “Missed you.” 

“I missed you more.” 

“You sleep okay?” he murmurs against my hair, lips sponging a kiss to my temple. 

My lips part with the buzzing excitement I feel to get to talk to him, feeling as if I missed him all over again sitting in that chair. They fall with a doubt, and I’m grabbing for words, not knowing what to say. 

“Fine,” is what I decide on, albeit the fact it’s a lie, but his comfort is more important. The last thing I want to do is worry him, and I try not to think about if that’s what he would want, because once I start I know it’d be a slippery slope. 

“Happy t’ hear.” 

“How about you?” I wonder aloud, stroking my fingers through his hair, unable to ignore the way strands are caked together with blood. The sleep had left my body at once, and suddenly, all I wanted to do was to take care of him. Bathe him. Feed him. Make him all better. 

“Alright . . didn’t wake up as much . . How’s baby?”

“Good. I didn’t get sick this morning.” 

The happiness is clear as day in his little wheeze, and the words that follow, “Makes me so happy . . Don’t like seein’ you sick.” 

I have to blink hard and long to push them away when I hear those words, knowing that not an ounce more of truth could stick to them in my head. I don’t like seeing you sick either, but that doesn’t even begin to cover it. It passes, but I don’t know for how much longer. I have shed how many tears now, how can there be any left? Then, I remind myself that I had thought we’d climbed the mountain and gotten to the other side, but no, it still felt as if we were on the peak, unable to know how to find flat ground again. 

“Skye told me . . ,” they’re out and unable to be dragged back in. Neither am I after he coaxed me into bed beside him, his neck warm against my forehead. 

“Told you what?” he murmurs, a raggedness still abrasive in his wonderful voice. My lips still, not knowing how to say it, but that’s not it, as I lace my hand with his. Imagining a gold band on his ring finger, or whatever material Mr. Creative would come up with, surely with diamonds inlaid and all. He’d said silver one day and then gold the next, so it beats me what he’ll end up picking. 

“About giving you my letter.” 

His eyebrows squishing together still was as adorable as could be, despite the way it’s slower and so is his blink. It pains me each second the cogs slowly spin behind his eyes until the wrinkle between them smooths. 

“Ya, I remember now,” Harry admits, lips spreading into a smile that imbues me with light. “Ya didn’t know?”

“No, she didn’t tell me until the night . . of your accident and . . “

“What, bug?” he hums, sending goosebumps down my arm when his thumb begins to draw circles against my knuckle. 

The words are there and I know how to say them, but they refuse to line up nicely. No, they won’t gather on the tracks that guide to my lips, because I know how they’ll sound. Silly as can be. I know the way they’ll make him feel, and with the rock in my gut, I think that’s what I fear most of all. The last thing I’ve ever wanted to do was to hurt Harry, and those words couldn’t ring truer as I lie in the hospital bed beside him. 

“Becks? What ‘s it?” his question comes in a hushed whisper, one marked by a sigh when a wetness meets my cheek. 

“I told Skye th-that-,” I stop and he waits, patient as ever before, perhaps even more so. “I was afraid you didn’t know how much I loved you a-and how badly I wanted a family with you-.” I can’t get any further before my voice is entirely swimming with the dryness of tears, and the subsequent sob. 

“Buggie,” Harry huffs with a voice likened to mine, struggling for breath and a reprieve from the pain. I find my relief in him when he presses me against his front, and already, I’m tired of being careful. I wish things didn’t have to be this way, and that it could come true just that easily. “Ya never need t’ worry . . I know, always have.” 

“B-But what I said-.” 

“It don’t matter . . know ya love me so much. Know you’ve always had tha biggest crush on me,” at that, I think I hear the smallest of titters grace his lips. With it, one almost leaves mine at seeing that slice of him. “Had tha biggest one on you since ‘bout day one . . don’t worry . . I know.” 

“Thank you,” it’s a whisper that I’m sure he hears. A quiet sigh makes its way out when I feel his lips against my wet eyes, once and then twice. “Did it surprise you at all, the letter?”

“Sure did,” he rasps with a slight nod, taking care to rid my cheeks of the tears riddling them. “‘s ‘bout tha sweetest thing ‘ve ever read . . . saddest too . . and flatterin.’” 

“And you kept it?”

“‘Course . . How’d y’know?” he asks with his eyebrows, like always. His expressions lack originality though, because they just won’t move that way. They’re likened to a dough that’s too tough and won’t mold how you’d like it to, but once it has a good rest, it’s ready to. 

“Skye said she saw it in your wallet the other day, it looked like you’d read it a few dozen times.” 

The faintest of light shines in his eyes before the slightest of nods comes, “Sure did . . Befo’ I proposed . . When we broke up . . While you were in hospital still . . I couldn’t lose that, but . . ‘s one o’ tha hardest things . . ‘ve read. Cried loads tha first time and afta that . . . hearin’ all tha pain ya went thru’ ‘cos o’ me.” 

“Harry-,” I begin, urgency on my tongue. 

“Doesn’t matter now,” he shushes with a finger to my lips, hand still laced with mine. His blinks are growing longer and eyes glossier, I can already tell his cues. 

“I’ve made you tired again, you should rest.” 

His lips are lazy in their smile, but beautiful as can be. They’d benefitted from the lip balm I’d found in my purse, or what Harry called ‘lathering that crap on his lips,’ which I admittedly probably overdid. Now, at last, they were supple and him, again. 

“Hate t’ agree, but I am . . wanna stay with you, but . . need sleep.” 

“I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

“Good,” he grins, pressing his lips to mine before I slide out from under the covers. The faint dimple in his cheek melts away as the covers reach his shoulders, a calmness draping over him. 

I sit there at first for just a moment, one that slowly turns into a few, and then many more, just watching him. He stirs at first to get comfortable until a sigh drops from his lips. The tense space between his eyebrows relaxes as the rest of him does, and for a second, I think that I couldn’t be happier. That is until every reason that I have to not be happy comes rushing back to me. Until I tell myself that’s not true, because for the longest of time, all I had wanted- needed to be happy was to get to love him, and to have him love me back. Something I had spent so many tears and time on, and now, it was mine. The weight on my left-hand tells me so, first with the knot ring secure on my middle finger, and the handed-down coils of gold and diamonds to its left. A calm settles over me when my hand comes to lie on my stomach, and my lips turn up into my cheeks as I watch the first snores leave his lips. 

Harry. 

My Harry. 

My Sunshine, because we’ve been through thick and thin, and I know that he’d always be that for me. A light in the darkness. He hadn’t failed to be one, yet. 

The skin above his brows is silky as a ribbon and saved from the ruin of the bruises and the like that clung to him in other places. It was hard to decide whether or not he was looking like himself again. As the bruises deepened, this swelled and that went down, and as his stubble grew, it was hard to find him in there, but I did. 

A scuffle met my ears, lifting my head up and around. Freezing in my shoes, everything stills as I stare ahead, my fingers in Harry’s hair. Across from me , their lips wobble and still, parting just a second later, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-.” 

I automatically stop him with a terse shake of my head, already recognizing his cues of worry blur in front of me. They shake with more uncertain words as he holds up the vase of yellow daffodils. 

“I hope he likes flowers,” he insists with a shrug of his shoulders, but I can tell there’s more. First, by the way his Adam's apple bobs, and then the way his eyes the same color as mine grow wet. “I’m so sorry, Ree,” Robbie sighs in a choked voice. I never knew how much I had needed a hug from my brother until my arms were around him. 

“Thank you,” it’s a whisper regretful of words I don’t know how to say. 

“‘Course, Ree. God, when Dad told me-,” this time he cuts himself off, but we’re both shaking our heads when he pulls away. He’s chalk full of surprises, starting with his appearance and what I see in his eyes. It may not be the same, but there’s a reflection of the misery that wrenches my insides. 

“It’s okay- well, it’s not, not what happened, but . . .” 

His usually shaggy locks barely move as his head shakes quickly, covered by a maroon beanie. 

“I had this feeling something was up with you, and I tried to call but I didn’t get an answer. I was worried, but then Dad came by to stay and told me.” 

“I haven’t been answering my phone much, sorry,” it’s unremarkable, the sound of my voice and how I try to hide everything sitting inside of it. It’s for nothing when I look over my shoulder, assured Harry’s still sleeping. 

“Shutup, you have nothing to be sorry about,” Robbie tuts, growing quiet. Without looking, I know that his eyes are on me, and on Harry. “How is he?”

“Okay, now . . But it’s still an uphill battle. Concussion, managing pain, therapy, being bloody shot twice . . Everybody is so happy and I just- I don’t understand- of course, I am th-that he’s still here, but-.” 

“It’s okay to feel that way, Ree, whatever way,” he says, not interrupting. A dryness swallows any words in my throat. His hand on my arm startles me, pausing the way I wring my own, but probably for the better. “Maybe it’s because people don’t know. They don’t have to be here every second, knowing how it really is. I don’t mean that-.” 

“I know you don’t mean it that way, Robbie. He’d never be a burden, but it can be s-so hard,” it comes out in a stammer, lips wobbling as Harry’s breaths grow in volume with my proximity. “I’d never wish this upon anybody, t-to go through what Harry did when I had . . my accident- for him to get hurt like this. H-How could somebody do that to another person, Bee?” he smells like the indescribable scent of tears. No, not like the real vanilla extract my grandma would use when we baked, or those woodsy candles I’d see at the shops. Harry’s breaths remain even and slow, despite my lips pressing to his cheek, painting his skin with my tepid tears. The anger burns behind my eyes, filling my being like it has whenever that thought invades my mind, until it melts away unspent. “M-My person.” 

“Ree . . I wish I knew.” 

“Me too,” the whisper rebounds off of Harry’s still lips. I’m only reminded of the way my own taste metallic against the vice of my teeth. “We s-should let him sleep.” 

I barely hear his hummed reply, watching how Harry’s eyelashes flutter against his skin. His color was starting to come back, but it was slow, and I think I was the only one who’d noticed. Was it because I wished it so badly, or because it was the truth? I wouldn’t put it past me to see things that weren’t there, because I wanted so badly for him to be better- no, if I was being honest, I wanted this all to be over. But as I combed his hair back with a feather of a touch before leaving him, I wasn’t sure of the next time I’d ever feel okay again. 

“Ree,” the voice begins behind me, but I’m already turning around. They were the arms I ran to when I was hurt, the pair I pushed away after a fight, and the ones that were always there. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”

“It’s okay. You didn’t know.”

“Still, I should’ve. I’m sorry.”

Hiccuping, words seem like an impossibility whilst it ravages my body again. The ‘it’ that is never that far away, always ready to strike when I think I’m starting to feel put together again. 

“Stop apologizing,” I barely manage, surprised that I allow him to lead me from the room. Out in the hall, he spots a familiar head of rainbow hair, just seconds before I do. 

“Heya, Bee. I didn’t see you come in,” Skye announces in a hushed whisper, sharing a hug. My eyes wander over their shoulders and to Harry. “I can keep an eye on him, if you want.”

I get by with a nod, savoring one last glance of his matted curls and peaceful face before following Robbie down the hall. 

“If something happens, text me. Okay?” I manage at the last second, turning around, making her do the same. 

“Nothing will, Ree, but sure thing.” 

A shiver courses through me as I turn back around, pulling my hands back into the sleeves of this jumper, one of Harry’s. The line between our clothes had bled into the other long ago, and it was hard to remember whose jumper or shirt was whose anymore. He notices, rubbing circles into my back as an almost awkward silence settles around us. 

“I’d ask how you’re holding up, but-.”

“Not good,” it’s a frog-like croak, making me wish for water. His nod can be seen from the corner of my eye, passing nurses and visitors too.

“Damn, have you two been through the ringer or what.”

All my lips can produce is an agreeing hum, but they begin to buzz from his next words. 

“I’m glad you two have each other to hold on to during shit like this, though.”

“Yeah, me too. I don’t know what I’d do without him, I really don’t because . . I’m pregnant too.”

“Wait, what?!” his exclamation is short and brings his feet to an abrupt halt. It’s there, the wanting to laugh at the astonishment freezing his features but I can’t. Instead, I let myself be happy for a moment, because I want that more. 

“Yeah, just found out . . a few days before Harry . .”

“Well, holy shit, you really do beat me to everything. God, would you come here and give your big brother a hug?” I think I feel it coming, and when his arms come around me excitedly, I think maybe I could laugh so I try. “Bloody hell, I’m gonna be an uncle, imagine that. Uncle Robbie. I like the ring to that.”

It dances on my lips, but it’s stolen away by a thought that blossoms into a sentence, “It’s not how I wanted to tell you,” I admit quietly before he releases me, wiping a hand over each of my cheeks quickly. “Or thought I would be.”

“It’s still pretty fucking exciting. You’re gonna be a mum, Ree, you’ve always wanted that. You must be so happy,” Robbie coos, squeezing my arm. I wasn’t aware of where we were going, seeing as how I didn’t know the place either, even Harry’s floor. “Well, would you look at that. Aren’t they something?”

“Harry’s over the moon,” I murmur, stopping at his side. 

“Figured that much. You still haven’t told me if you are, but I’m assuming so seeing as how you played with bloody dolls until we were nearly  thirteen.”

My snarky comment is overdue, but then again, so is his. I’m not sure if I have any left in me nowadays. They’re especially miles away as I watch the squirming pink faces on the other side of the glass before us. 

“I am, but . . “

“Which one ya reckon?” Robbie speaks up, nodding his head.

“Back right corner.”

“Evidence, Attorney Styles?”

“Dark curly hair and chubby cheeks. They’re the cutest one, and they’re not crying, even though the rest are. That would be my baby. And you?”

“No, this was you and Skye’s game, picking out which baby was yours in the nursery and naming them. I just watched you two goofs dreaming of being mums one day . . Where’s it gone, Ree, that dream of yours?”

“I’m scared to be a mum, Robbie. Not as much as when I first found out- I mean, it still doesn’t seem real, but I’m afraid . . afraid that I’ll be a bad one. Especially after Mum told me so.”

“What?” I already know they’re there, waiting on me, even with my eyes fixed on the few rows of squirming babies behind the glass partition. 

“Yeah, she always just has impeccable timing. Called the other day to bitch about me not showing up for lunch, then about not telling her I got engaged, and that I was such a terrible person because of it all that I shouldn’t be a mother,” my voice caught on the last word, like a sock on a loose nail head on the floor. Gulping, I take a moment to breathe before going on. “I haven’t answered a text since I’ve been here or a call, but I see them. I told her to never talk to me again and she keeps texting me. I guess I forgot to block her number, but I don’t really feel like I know how to do anything anymore, but worry about Harry and think about him. And throwing up.”

“Give me your phone,” he doesn’t need to say it twice and nor do I ask, handing it over. Trusting him, I look back to the nursery. 

“God, they’re so tiny. Look at that one, Bee, she’s going to give them a bath . . I can’t believe they’ll be that small- mine and Harry’s baby.”

“Don’t listen to Mum, she has no place to speak. I’m on my last straw with her too.”

“You don’t have to drop her just because of me, you know. I know you two were different, she was nicer to you and didn’t have a piano to abuse you with too,” the nurse unwraps the wailing baby, exposing their small pink body to the cold air. My heart clenches at the sight, amazed at how small they are, and cute. I already for the hundredth time wonder what Harry and I’s baby will look like, just half of those times being in the last few days. 

“How do you not know I can tell when you’re lying? Been able to since we were like, four. Here, I blocked all of her numbers that I know of, work and otherwise, and emails too. Complete radio silence, which is what you need right now . . And I mean it, Ree, there was never anything there with Mum and I. After a while, I figured out she just used me to get to you and Dad, and I’ve had enough of giving her third and fourth chances.”

“Welcome to the club,” I chirp, feeling a corner of my mouth raise watching the little fists of the baby clench and fingers spread. 

“You’ll be a great one, there’s nothing else for you to be. Bloody hell, we were in nursery, not even in school quite yet, and you’d already decided you’d wanted to be a mum,” Robbie remarks, swinging an arm around me. I lean into him, eyes glued to the newborn baby the nurse was washing up. 

“You better not tell Harry about the baby dolls.”

Glancing up, I look into his eyes, watching his lips spread mischievously.

“Thanks for the idea, and you best bet I’ll be getting that kid on a motorcycle before Harry can.” 

“Good luck with that. I doubt he’ll let you beat him to it,” my remark comes. 

My lip burns when my teeth press down into it again, reminded of my old habit once again, the way I tend to take my stress out on it. Just like somebody I know. The thought of Harry on a motorcycle scares me for just a split second, until I remind myself that he’s rode one for how many years? How many times had I ridden on it with him too? Regardless, it doesn’t calm the flare of worry inside of me, not wanting to worry about Harry getting hurt ever again. 

God, please no. 

I wasn’t sure how long we had been away when our feet brought us back to the room, and there I found him awake. 

“There’s me girl,” he whispers with a warm grin, eyes finding me first. They continue to brighten softly when Robbie appears behind me.

“Hey, Harry,” my brother greets softly with a weak wave. 

“Hey t’ you too.” 

“How are you doing?” Robbie asks, stepping up to him and patting him on the shoulder gently. 

“Been better,” Harry suffices. “Think tha worst me ‘s me wrist ‘s fractured . . Can’t have a good wank now.” 

The laugh I’d grown up hearing floats around the room now, and like always, mine joins it. I’m shaking my head in the doorway, watching two of my favorite guys in the entire world. 

“Harry, you’re right handed, silly.” 

“I know, but sometimes ‘s fun t’ change it up . . Right, Robbie?” my fiance quips, somehow his humor is still so present. My brother murmurs a confirmation, and then the room grows silent. 

“I hear you two are going to be parents next year.”

“I see Becks ‘s havin’ fun . . tellin’ ev’rybody,” Harry comments. Walking around Robbie’s side, it takes a moment to catch those green eyes. They raise an eyebrow at me in question. “‘ve only got t’ tell Myles so far . . no fun.” 

“You can take the credit, if you want, mate,” Robbie snickers, stuffing his hands into his pockets awkwardly. 

“Sure can, ‘s me swimmers that won tha race.” 

“Oh my god, Harry,” my words collapse into a laugh. I almost stop when I hear his, wanting to savor his trademark wheeze that I’ve always found so endearing. 

“It’s good to see you’re still giving everybody a run for their money.” 

“There’s no stoppin’ me,” Harry comments, meeting my eyes and winking. Too soon. 

/

All of the Halloween films had been gone from the telly for a few weeks now, but one or two lingered here and there. I had found one of The Addams Family’s on the tv in Harry’s room. It was welcomed, the respite from reality for a little longer. Visitors had been in and out of his room all day, hence why he was fast asleep when I looked over to check on him. Again. It was the family who hadn’t come the day before, an auntie and uncle of his I’d only met once. The hardest of them all was his grandma Claire, because her tears came as soon as she saw Harry, and so did mine. It had gotten easier to talk to his mum and sister, but it was still difficult to talk at all. Even to Harry, who still wasn’t all of the way there. 

I wasn’t sure how long it’d been since the movie finished, except that the clock was ticking faster than I thought. He wasn’t waking up any time soon by the sounds of his loud snores, and I was conflicted about wanting him to. It had grown dark outside long ago and the halls were growing quieter. An anxious warmth was building inside of me, knowing that with each dreaded tick of the clock, I was closer to having to leave. I thought that if maybe, just maybe he didn’t wake up for a while that I could talk my way into staying the night here. Still, part of me knew that I couldn’t do that- that I shouldn’t do that to him. Harry was right that I needed the sleep, we both did, but a heavy knot formed in my stomach when I thought about leaving his side for longer than well, ten minutes. 

A hushed sound pulls me from my thoughts, and I lift my head to find what it is. The image before me roots me to the spot and I don’t dare blink. For what reason, I don’t know. A hiccup spreads through my chest as I stare back, suddenly aware of the wetness gathering on my cheeks. 

“Buggie.” 

“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” my whispered words came in a hasty string. My quick work of the wet trails on my cheeks is next, wondering why I’m suddenly self conscious. 

“Don’t gotta apologize,” he insists. There isn’t a smooshing of his brows together or a glazed look to his eyes. His jaw isn’t clenched and if anything, I fill with happiness at finding him waking seemingly without pain, for one of the first times today. “C’mere, Becks.” 

His hand is firm around mine and so is his tugging, but the shake of my head is even more. I try not to dwell on the disappointment lingering in his eyes, knowing that I couldn’t handle that among everything else. I can’t. No, not when I’m going to have to get out of that bed to just get into another, one that’s empty and cold. I know too well that I wouldn’t be able to leave it once I slide under the covers with him. 

“Ev’rythin’ will be okay again,” he hums, voice still thick with sleep. From the corner of my eye, I can see his there, vying for my attention. What I focus on instead is my hand enclosed in his, and the feeling of his skin under my circling thumb. Then, there’s the still shocking appearance of his naked fingers, instead covered with scrapes and crusty cuts. To my surprise, they lift and he struggles to wipe at my cheeks. I can’t stop the smile that lives on my lips for a moment. 

“I don’t wanna go home. I don’t . . want things to be like this anymore.” 

“I know, bug . . Me too.” 

“I don’t want to worry about you getting hurt again, l-like this,” the words are a jumble flowing from my lips. “I-,” struggling to articulate well, anything, my words are lost in another pool of tears. 

“Becks,” Harry coos but I’m shaking my head. 

“I don’t wanna do all of this without you . . any of it, Harry,” lifting my head, I find his tired greens with my own. My heart squeezes at the invading thought of when will there be a time when they’re not glassy and full of exhaustion? “I can’t.”

“Neither do I, Becks . . ‘d never wanna leave you . . and our baby,” his reply arrives in a sigh, and my head is nodding up and down. His words are felt in my heart and in the way he squeezes my hand emphatically. 

“That case it . . it was too high profile, Harry. Neither of us knew it at first until it was too late, but-.” 

“But was too risky, I know . . Whole world was watchin’ . . Nasty people involved, obviously . . I won’t do it anymo,’ Becks.” 

The alarm paints my body in seconds, and then my voice, “What?” He only looks back at me, blinking long and slowly. “Harry, you don’t mean stopping practicing.” 

“God, no,” he disagrees quickly, swiping his tongue out across his lips. “‘d never, y’know that . . I won’t be back fer a while from tha sounds o’ it . . But, ‘ll make a promise t’ you . . No mo’ big cases like that, dangerous ones . . No, we’re startin’ a family now, and I wanna be ‘round . . fer ev’ry second o’ ours kids’ lives . . yours . . . my whole life with you.” 

He had gotten me where he had wanted me by now, close enough to kiss and I couldn’t resist. The last place I wanted to be was away from him, and afterwards, I found my head resting on my arm laid by his side. 

“Thank you.” 

“‘Course, my bug,” his smile warms me like sunshine on a brisk winter day. That and the way he pinches my cheek between his fingers, bringing a similar lift to my lips. It’s moments before I speak again, a few blissful ones of watching him. 

“Does this still mean I have to go back home tonight?” 

The regret comes in a sour wave when I watch the happiness fade from his face, guilt arriving inside me soon after. My eyes fall from his when his answer doesn’t come right away, telling me it then and there. 

“You should, bug . . ‘s fer tha best,” his words still smell of the orange jello he’d had with his dinner, something he had made so many jokes about. He was almost as bad as me, making me spoon feed him and cut his food up like a little baby. But he was my baby, my first one, I guess. “They say ‘ll be able t’ go home in a week or so, that’s good news . . We’re one day closer . . You’ll be okay, ‘ll see you ‘gain in tha mornin.’” 

“Yeah, it’s fine,” I murmur, my head lowering to rest my chin on my arm, replicating the action of my heart. But I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t fallen into the pit of my stomach long ago, unable to find a way out yet. 

/

“Please?”

    “No,” he huffs, a high pitched whine attached to his words. “‘m full, can’t eat another bite.” 

    Clutching his tummy, Harry stares back at me with eyebrows furrowed. 

    “Don’t you pout at me, mister,” I challenge him, waiting for a flicker of something across his face. “Just one more bite, Harry.” 

    “No.” 

    “Harry,” I sigh, dropping my hand and giving him a look. His head slowly shakes from side to side. “God, I hope our baby isn’t this stubborn.” 

    “With you as ‘s mum, I dunno.” 

    “Hey!” I exclaim, words pouring into a laugh when I catch his playful eyes. If I look close enough, I can find the dimple there in one of his cheeks. The little shit. “Eat your jello, for God’s sake.” 

    “Fine, woman,” he relents, face relaxing when I guide the spoon towards his lips. The sound of his chewing fills the quiet room. “Yer gonna be a wonderful mother, y’know.” 

    I don’t know why, but it pulls my head up in surprise. His dimple falls deeper when I find the sage shade of his eyes again. 

    “‘m so happy yer gonna be tha mum o’ me kids.” 

    “Stop it, you’re going to make me cry,” it’s an almost whisper, but the dryness of my throat speaks truth into the words. 

    “I mean it, bug.” All abashed, I feel the heat paint my cheeks as I fold the napkin to stuff into the empty Jello tin. “Who’d have thought it’d be you and me . . Huh, Becks?” 

    “Yeah, talk about mad,” I sniffle, lifting my head as a tear falls down my cheek. “My old boss, Mr. Styles, the best lawyer in all of London.” 

    “Tha lawyer and tha assistant,” his voice is soft as a feather against my skin, and so is his thumb against my palm. Glancing down, the tears stuck to my eyelashes blur the sentiment of his thumb drawing circles on my skin. 

    “And their baby.” 

    “And tha baby,” he almost giggles, it’s so close. But there it is, his trademark wheeze, and I couldn’t be more thankful. “Not sure I can keep it from me mum anymo’ . . ‘s almost came out a few times.” 

    “I know, me too. When do you think we should tell your mum?”

    “What’s this you have to tell me?” somebody says from the doorway. A prickly warmth spreads across my insides at their voice. It disappears within moments when my eyes glide over to his, and he’s calm as a cucumber. 

    One of his eyebrows raises with that always tired smile, and I nod. “C’mere, mum, ‘ve got somethin’ t’ tell you.” 

    “What’s that?” Harry’s mum says, and we meet eyes when I turn to watch her walk in. She sets down a soda cup from the cafe downstairs, and I watch a look of Harry’s come over her face. “Everything alright? You two are crying, it’s scaring me,” she tries to laugh but it doesn’t go very far. 

    “Would you like to do the honors?��� I nearly croak, bringing my attention back to Harry. Despite the energy he was slowly getting back, he still looked pooped. But for a second, the sunshine glowed across his face, and because of that, on us too. 

    “‘Course,” Harry smiles and with a clearing of his throat, announces the news. “Yer gonna be a gran again . . well, in ‘bout eight months or so.” 

    “What?!” at her exclamation, I’m suddenly not sure who to be looking at, and there I find myself glancing between the two. My almost mother in -law and soon to be husband. “Harry- Becky-,” she struggles with the words, turning to look at the both of us before a hand comes to her mouth and she’s crying. 

    “Bloody hell . . why d’you women cry so much?” he says, and we both turn to find his eyes welling with tears too, making all of us laugh. 

    “Oh, loves, I’m so happy for you. You’re both going to be wonderful parents,” she blubbers, almost squeezing the air out of me when it’s time for a hug. Her familiar floral scent and trademark coffee smell surrounds me as I laugh through the tears. “And, Harry, it took you long enough.” 

    “Hey!” 

    “That’s what I told him, he’s getting old,” I snicker, finding his perturbed look makes me laugh, again. I’d laughed more in the last few minutes than I had in days, and it felt . . good. 

    “Double hey! Watch it, wifey.” 

    It comes with a grin and a drink of sunshine, “Okay, husband.” 

    I feel it fill me when the annoyance on his face is washed away by a content smile, one that only grows bigger when his mum turns to me with questions, and a notch wider when her hand comes to my belly. His not too far away. 

/

    I finally packed a bag, but you couldn’t have gotten me to go in our bedroom for any other reason besides that. Not even Skye could for more than the five minutes that took me. It had to have been a packing record, and one Harry would have been proud of. It didn’t get easier, the leaving him every night and coming back to him every morning, but we found a routine. That didn’t mean the difficulty disappeared at having to unwrap my hand from his at nine o’clock when he was already sleeping, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to once I slipped under my covers. It was the hardest thing I’d ever done, and I did it again and again, day after day. 

    The tears crept up on me at times, like when Myles brought Rose and Jennings to see him, and Harry cried the second they walked in. They painted my cheeks like a waterfall when Asher showed up in the first few days, and once again when my dad returned before going back home. I wondered if they’d ever stop as I sat hunched over the toilet for what, a tenth morning in a row, wishing he could be there to rub my back like before. 

But we were so far from before, and still lengths away from the after. 

I still didn’t know if I could do this, despite the instructions, both printed and oral, and that I wasn’t alone. It felt like a rerun, knowing that I was supposed to be happy, but knowing nothing besides fear. Finding its place the second I got in the car, I doubted myself through and through. Not even reminding myself to be happy had helped, because the fear stole it away. 

He was home. I got to bring Harry home, snuggle him up on the sofa where the new headquarters was, and never have to go back to that hospital again. Well, not for a while, anyway. 

“Whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout?” a voice murmurs, yanking me from my ever-consuming thoughts. Blinking, I find myself back in the present and in front of the television. Harry’s feet were cold in my hands despite the fuzzy purple socks I put on them before we left the hospital this morning. 

“Nothing,” I lie, leaving my eyes set on the news channel where I’d left them before zoning out. 

“You lie,” he sighs with a slight giggle, shifting on the sofa. “You look tired, bug. Why don’t we go and take a nap?”

“I’m fine.” 

“Again, you lie,” Harry huffs, his toe brushing against my hand. “I know ‘s already been a long day, Becks. Tha throwin’ up this mornin’, all tha instructions, and you haven’t had much t’ eat- well, that you’ve kept down,” Getting the cue, I drag my eyes over to him, failing to ignore how heavy they feel. 

The splashes of color across his face, and entire body, had faded in the last nine days. A few stitches had already been removed for more superficial cuts, but others still remained as well as the bandages taped to his shoulder and thigh. I’d been shown time and time again over the course of his hospital stay how to change them, and somehow, I still dreaded it. His mum had volunteered to do it if I couldn’t, but that only made me feel worse, as if I can’t say no. 

His name for me tickles my ears and I blink, his tired face focusing in my view. His cheeks were pink again, but only a dusty shade and so were his lips. It confused me, how they could send him home and he still didn’t look like himself. Yes, he did, but not really. I almost wanted to tell the doctors that they couldn’t, and what if I mess up taking care of him, but how could I say any of that? 

“Bug,” he tries again, voice holding more fervor now. 

“What?” I mumble, massaging my thumb against the arch of his foot. 

“I wanna go and take a nap with you.” 

There was another thing. He took care of me when I had my car accident, before I even came home. But, I’m smaller than him, and well, he’s quite larger than me. Getting him up off the sofa and to the downstairs guest bedroom took two of us, his mum and I. She had been cooking and cleaning since the minute we got Harry settled after coming home. I still didn’t know how to talk to her after everything, especially now with the baby at the front of my mind. It’d opened this door to tell her about them, but I felt as if it closed for me now with this new hurdle in the way. I had a feeling it wasn’t going to get any better with her staying in the upstairs guest bedroom. Don’t even get me started on how it was driving me up the wall the way the both of them worried about me and the baby. 

“I like tha name Renley. What d’ya think o’ it?” 

Slowly, he was coming to do most of the talking. For the first time in ever, I’d grown annoyed with it and how he wouldn’t shut up sometimes. But then I reminded myself that means he’s getting better and was improving. Guilt leached any happiness anyway when a thought came from nowhere, telling me I should be happy that he’s talking, that he’s alive. He sure was, making strides during physical therapy and being able to walk on crutches unassisted. It frightened me more than it excited me, and I wasn’t sure why. I felt as if there was a switch inside of me that I needed to turn on, flick it back to ‘normal’ instead. 

“I know yer not sleepin’ yet,” his voice is warm and slow against my cheek. “Rebecca.” Opening my eyes, they find him only a kiss away. 

“I think it reminds me of Renley Baratheon from Game of Thrones.” 

His breathy laugh dances across my cheek, and somehow, I smile. I think I manage one at seeing the dimples fall into his cheeks. 

“I think ‘s unique and pretty. Fer a boy or a girl.” 

Nodding replaces my voice and closing my eyes pulls me away from the eyes that I can’t lie to. 

“I thought you wanted to name them Annie if it’s a girl, like after your mum.” 

“I do, but what if ‘s a boy, Becks? We need some boy names too,” Harry muses, words swallowed by a yawn. “Mmm, think I like Eleanor too. There are so many nicknames you can make out of it, and I like those old names.” 

“Me too,” it’s a lazy murmur as his fingers start to comb through my hair, and then I know that I’m screwed. But I think for one of the first times in a long time, I fall asleep feeling safe, because of him beside me, with the smallest inkling of being okay. 

/

The night is still and so is the darkness that sounds of Harry’s soft snores. I’d woken up every night since that nightmare of a call, and even now, when he was finally back in the bed beside me, it happened again. Sure, it was the same bed I’d called my own for the last week and a half, but why now? That one word had been popping into my head often recently and punctuated with a question mark that was never answered. Why? My stomach was fine, so it wasn’t that, but what was it then? I hadn’t even had a nightmare- well, not yet, anyway. 

It was taking me awhile to believe that maybe my life didn’t have to be one anymore. Just maybe.