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eetherealgoddess · 7 days ago

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Hii I’m not sure if you still take requests but if you do can you pleaseee write a story where a fem reader is working for bonten and her and the executives get assigned to k1ll this lady and her family that owes them money but the reader ends up feeling bad and she asks them to spare her but they say no and they don’t really care and they k1ll the family anyway and the reader is starting to realize that she doesn’t want to be in bonten anymore so she asks Mikey if she can quit and he tells her no and if she tries to run he will send the executives to punish her but she tired to run anyway and it ends up with a smut with Mikey and the other executives including kazutora. I hope I explained it right and if you do write it Tysmmm and I love all your work💋💋💋

ꨄNewfound Moralsꨄ

Oneshot - Dark Content - Bonten

❦You should’ve never joined them in the first place❦

Sano Manjiro, Hanemiya Kazutora, Sanzu Haruchiyo, Kakucho, Kokonoi Hajime, and Haitani Brothers x Female Reader

❣︎I really hope you don’t mind but I’m gonna add a few lil twists to your request❣︎

Not fully proofread

MY TR FANDOM WORKS ARE ONLY ON TUMBLR, WATTPAD, & AO3 UNDER EETHEREALGODDESS! REPORT IF YOU SEE IT POSTED UNDER ANYONE ELSE BUT ME!!!

I apologize if I get any Japanese etiquette or culture wrong, I literally have to research the culture for some of my fandom stories so if anything is wrong, please excuse my ignorance.

Notice:

✩Y/n is 18+. I picture her as a black female but you can see her however.

✩Some parts of the story may not be realistic or factual. After all, this is a work of fiction.

✩Although it's a dark 'romance,' I do not condone any of the behavior displayed.

✩Dark content such as: gore, violence, triggering topics, graphic scenes, vulgar language, explicit sexual content, etc.

✩There may be scenes that involve non con and/ or dubcon so don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable.

✩Characters are 18+ as always.

✩That being said, this story is for 18+ only.

Enjoy!

Newfound Morals

You don’t understand why you tried so hard to be promoted within the industry you signed up for. Honestly, working a regular job wasn’t that bad. As a people pleaser, you’ve always strived for perfection in order to receive the validation you crave. Unfortunately for people like you, opportunists loved to drink all the liquid from your glass without even filling it up halfway in return. You’ve never received what you felt you deserved for the time and effort you put into any craft or job you worked on. That’s why when you found the underground, illegal business through an old friend, you hopped on it immediately.

Who knew that the tense atmosphere of working for an illegal business would actually make you feel that excitement you craved? The fulfillment you craved, the recognition you asked for, all being solved each and every time you complete a task. The financial security you had always felt you deserved finally being handed to you. You honestly felt blessed. Blessed that Kokonoi Hajime, the man who you’d known most of your young adult life, had offered you this opportunity of fulfillment. You knew that you had to prove you were trustworthy and so you worked under him for a couple years before you were finally promoted to take action.

You didn’t know you could feel whole just by killing a bunch of useless individuals. The proud look on Koko’s face for recruiting someone like you, the pat on the back you received from Kakucho after your first successful mission, the sly compliments from the Haitani brothers, and the toast from Kazutora when he offered alcohol at the club to celebrate. Even receiving a pat on the head from Akashi Takeomi and a nod from Kanji Mochizuki. It felt great.

It was hard to get any other reaction from a sober Sanzu considering his sole focus on your boss, Mikey, but you knew there was progress when he’d offer you a pill for the first time in one of the Haitani brother’s clubs. You hadn’t accepted but the gesture was appreciated. Sano Manjiro never seemed to have any other expression on his face but an intense gaze full of nothing but pure darkness and despair. Though, his promotion of your department was a good sign. In a twisted way you finally felt seen by the higher ups.

All the kills had been super easy considering most if not all were some kind of conmen or had been involved with underground illegal shit that they couldn’t handle. A lot of the men you killed were shitty people who put their family in shitty situations as well as other criminal organizations who were classified as enemies.

Tonight, you were sent on a mission with Kakucho and Sanzu. It was your job to set everything in motion by breaking into the worn down starter house and shooting everyone inside while Kakucho watches the outside and Sanzu breaks in from the back to clear any traces or links from the guy who you all were after that leads back to Bonten.

Once you kicked the door in, you walked into the living room, gun raised and finger on the trigger, pointing at the people who sat inside. Your eyes widened at the display of the lady on her knees who had her hands up in surrender and the two children sat behind her. Something in your stomach drops at the new situation you’ve been dealt.

“I-it’s my husband isn’t it?” Her hands shook as you watched her face glisten with sweat and tremors. “I-I knew he had been into s-some shady business. H-he knew this would happen. He left us!”

You took the time to eye the surrounding area. The mess you hadn’t noticed before looked to be suitcases and duffel bags of clothes that were carelessly thrown in. It seemed like they had just started gathering their belongings.

“Where is he?” You question in a stern tone, attempting to ignore the children's whimpers.

“I d-don’t know! I would tell you because I hate him! He put o-our children in harm's way! Gambling some thugs money when I warned him! He didn’t care!” She cried out, tears freely streaming down her face along with snot. You could hear the congestion as she sniffed while speaking through her pleas.

“P-please just spare my children! Just kill me b-but don’t…! Pl-please don’t hurt my babies!” She whined as the children’s cries became louder.

Your hands shook as you held the gun. Your eyes were shot as your eyebrows were furrowed in concern. Your body is frozen in your spot as you can't fight off the feelings of guilt and sorrow for the lady and her children.

Quick thinking, quick thinking Y/n.

As you tried to come up with a solution that didn’t involve the children or lady dying, a loud shot echoed throughout the room, followed by another one before two thuds could be heard. All you could hear was a ringing in your ear and your heart beat as you eyed the blood of the children splattered against the floor and wall. You lowered your gun slowly as you watched Sanzu walking towards the lady and snatching her by the hair to face him while she screamed and cried out for her babies.

“Y/n.” You heard your name in the distance behind you repeatedly but you couldn’t be pulled out of your trance as you watched the mullet haired maniac put the barrel of the gun to the lady’s head with a bored expression before pulling the trigger, half of her head gone while the bits of brain scatter, and blood splatters. You were brought back to reality when you felt a tug on your shoulder.

“Y/n, are you okay?” Kakucho says before you finally face him with the bewilderment stuck to your expression.

“I-I…” You try to say something. Anything, but you’re left speechless.

“She was gonna bargain with them. I can tell.”

Suddenly, icy blue eyes are in your view as you blink. Sanzu crouches to your height before flicking your head, causing you to flinch and rub the spot.

“The King won’t be pleased. Knew ya couldn’t handle it.” He says before tsk-ing. Kakucho eyed you with confusion.

“Is that true, Y/n?” You could only look down at your feet.

“This is no good.” Sanzu gazed at you with half - lidded eyes though the manic glint was still prominent. “Guess ya don’t have it in ya after all.” He chuckled darkly before walking away. Kakucho could only stare at you in disappointment before turning away. For the first time since you started the job years ago, you hadn’t wanted to follow.

“What is the meaning of this, Y/n? Have you gone soft on us?” Takeomi questions as he leans back in his seat at the long table, leg crossed over as he sucks in a pull from his cigar.

“Obviously. Did ya cry?” Rin teased with puckered lips as he sat next to you

You gave him a scowl as you swat his pointed finger away from your face. Your face rested in the palms of your hands with your elbows planted at the end of the table.

“I knew I should’ve waited to put in that good word for you. Someone like you can’t handle something so complicated.” Koko says, mostly to himself with his head leaning on his fingers. Your eyes widen.

“S-someone like me? No, Koko I swear I can handle -!” You attempt to plead your case to your original supervisor, but Kazutora beats you to it.

“You sure about that?” He chuckled with his arms crossed in his seat, his hair falling past his shoulders. “Clearly if you could handle it, you would’ve.”

“This is concerning, Y/n. How can we trust you to do your job?” Kakucho questions with a disappointed look towards you, his seat next to the empty one that sits at the opposite end of you.

“Is Takeomi right, Y/n? Have you gone soft on us, hm?” Ran questions on the other side of you with his leg crossed over the other, limbs resting on the arms of the chair.

Everyone straightens up in their seats when they hear the door click open. Sanzu walks in first to hold the door open for Mikey before they both walk to their designated seats. Sanzu sat in the opposite chair of Kakucho and Mikey sat in the empty chair across from you. Anxiety heightened as soon as Mikey looked at you, causing you to look down at the table in fear of what he was going to say about your failed mission.

“Why?” Once you look up, all eyes are on you. Shifting in your seat with discomfort, you quietly clear your throat. The intense gazes of all the men boring into you felt suffocating.

“I didn’t think it was fair, Sir.” The room was filled with nothing but silence. Not even a pen dropping as they waited for the rest of your answer.

“I didn’t think it was fair for the family to die when it was her husband’s fault.” Especially in such a gruesome manner. It was very disturbing, and the worst part of it all was that it could’ve been worse.

“I don’t think it’s fair to fail your mission when you vowed to work for me.” Your eyes widened as your fingers tightened against the fabric of your pants. You began to sweat in your seat. Everything is beginning to feel too tight, too hot on your skin. The pressure is overwhelming and the glares aren’t helping. You’re in the spotlight of something you don’t want to be involved in.

“I deeply apologize for my inconsistency and inadequacy, Sir. It won’t happen again.” You’re praying you even make it out of here alive just for this one mistake. How could one situation cause you so much fear? You’ve been so caught up with the recognition and security that you completely forgot about what occurs when you fuck up. You could be put to death. This job is more than what you receive from it. It’s more than just following a routine correctly. It’s about survival. It’s a man-eat-man world, and you’re just waiting to be devoured.

Mikey commands you to get out of your chair and come forward. Sanzu stood next to him as he gave you an icy glare. You stand to the side of the table, but right in front of Mikey and behind Sanzu’s empty chair and bend over into a bow with your arms behind your back, awaiting his next command.

You hear footsteps walking around you before you let out a yelp as your head is yanked back, forcing you to make eye contact with your boss, Sanzu standing right next to your bent position with his fingers squeezing your scalp.

“Do you have something you want to say, Y/n?” Mikey questioned. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. You shook your head.

“N-no Sir.”

“Koko, tell me.” Your eyes widen.

“What would happen if I decided to leave Bonten?” You asked Kokonoi the night of your mission, after having the display of Sanzu’s murders stuck in your head. You both sat in his office, the only light shining from the desk lamp. You were looking at the floor before you heard his footsteps in front of you. Fingers sternly wrap around your chin before he forces you to look up at him from your seat on the sofa.

“Don’t even think about it. Don’t speak about it, don’t ask about it, don’t even plan for it unless you want to get hurt, Y/n.” He hissed through his teeth. Neither of you noticed the icy blue eyes staring at you both through the glass door, listening to everything.

“Koko… I don’t like waiting.” Mikey teased in a stern tone with no expression on his face.

“What would happen if I decided to leave Bonten?” Kokonoi shook his head as some of the others shifted in their seats with widened eyes.

You bit your lip, knowing you were about to get it.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

You grind your teeth when the grip on your scalp tightens, sending shock waves of pain through your skull. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes from the sensation.

“I-I didn’t mean it! It was just a thought that crossed my mind!” You exclaim before a knee meets with your stomach, causing you to grunt and drop to your knees, Sanzu’s grip still tight on your scalp forcing you to continue facing Mikey.

“The King didn’t ask for you to speak.” Sanzu hissed.

All the men except Kokonoi and Kakucho were intrigued with the display, even the guys who wore bored expressions on their faces perked in their seats. The sound of a gun cocking had your eyes widening. Your body trembled as Mikey held the barrel right above the middle of your eyebrows.

“Should I grant your wish, Y/n?”

You shook your head violently as the tears finally fell.

“N-No Sir!”

“You sure about that?”

“I-I’m sure! I swear!” Your voice shook as you cried out. You couldn’t release a sigh of relief when he removed the gun that now sat on his lap in his hand. He looked down at you with those cold eyes.

“The only way you’ll be able to leave is once I kill you myself.” His eyes squint at the last word.

“Dismissed.”

You knew that you had to leave. You knew that you had to get the fuck out of there. Everything became too real after that moment. You were so caught up with the glitz and the glam that you forgot about the ugly that this job came with. How could you forget that you’re involved with Yakuza? You had already begun to pack up your stuff in your penthouse, rummaging through drawers and your closet. You already had the plan set. You were going to move to a country far from Japan and change every single thing about your identity. Before you could continue packing, you heard the elevator open and footsteps following.

“Fuck!” You hissed, eyeing all your stuff before shoving some of it under your bed and the rest in your closet. You had to make it look like everything was normal.

“Oi! Y/n!” You heard downstairs. You rubbed the sweat off your hands as you looked around the room before running downstairs.

“What are you doing here?” You eye Kazutora and the Haitani brothers in confusion. Ran went to sit on your couch with his leg crossed over while Rin rummaged through your kitchen for a bottle. Kazutora snatched a chair from the dining table and placed it in front of the arm of the sofa, sitting on it backwards as he leaned his head on his arms that lie on the back of the chair.

“Making sure you’re not up to something stupid.” The younger Haitani states before walking to the sofa and plopping down, pouring the bottle of liquor into a glass.

“What an entertaining show we got yesterday.” Ran smiled as he stretched out his arms on the back of the sofa.

“Honestly, I was at the edge of my seat.” Kazutora grinned. You growled as you made it downstairs.

“Hey! I didn’t say anybody could come over or rest on my shit!” You exclaim. You still felt embarrassed by yesterday’s escapades. You felt your face burn.

“Luckily, you didn’t have to. Mikey told us to.” Your eyes widen. Mikey? Why would he do that?

“He told me to.” Kazutora emphasizes the word ‘me’ while pointing at himself. “These two just came along.”

“It’s cause we’re bored.” Rin explains before taking a sip.

“Yeah, why don’t you entertain us like yesterday? Get on your knees.” Ran teased causing the other guys to laugh. Your face burned once more, this time anger forming as you snatched the bottle out of Rin’s hand.

“Maybe instead of killing you, we could ask him to make you something useful if you try to run.”

“Yeah, how about you become Bonten’s designated whore?” Your eyes widen at the disrespect.

“Such wasted potential. That should’ve been your position in the first place.”

“Get the fuck out of my house!” You grit your teeth as you point at the door.

“The house Bonten’s money gotcha? I don’t think so.” Kazutora shook his head.

Hours pass before they finally leave, you having been stuck in your bedroom trying to figure out a different time to leave. You decided to escape in the middle of the night, first meeting up with the guy who’ll give you a new identity and then buying the plane ticket with your new identity so they couldn’t find you. It’s a good thing you had sketchy connections before joining Bonten.

Kazutora switched shifts with Kakucho. You still don’t know why Mikey has them watching you. Why would he care when he’s so willing to kill you on the spot? wouldn’t it just be easier to shoot when the time comes?

Kakucho sat on the sofa next to you on the opposite side of the couch while your head leaned on the palm of your hand, elbow placed on the sofa’s arm.

“I have a feeling that you’re planning something, Y/n. I’m advising you not to do it if you want to keep your dignity.” Dignity?

“I’m not planning anything.”

“Y/n. It won’t end well for you.”

“I know, that’s why I’m not planning anything Kakucho.” A throbbing in your head forms, not only from dehydration but from the stress of the situation.

“Okay.” He states. You both sit in silence for hours until you turn your head to see that he has fallen asleep.

“Perfect.” You whisper. You quietly jog upstairs to gather all your belongings. After a while of gathering everything, you take one final look before grabbing your stuff and heading downstairs. A gasp leaves your lips as you see the pink haired demon smirking at you from below with his arms crossed and gun in his hand, as well as Kakucho awake with his head leaned against his fingers.

You immediately drop your luggage before attempting to make a run for the elevator, swinging all your weight off the railing. Shots rang leaving holes in your walls as they miss, though so close. Right when you were about to reach the machine, a sharp pain surges through your calf as you fall to the floor.

“Fuck!” You yell out, slapping the floor. Sanzu walks up to you before stepping on your back, pushing your weight against the floor as you lay there and take it.

“Don’t worry. I’m not gonna kill ya. I’m leaving it all up to Mikey.” He says before using the butt of the gun to slam against your head, immediately knocking you out cold.

Your eyes blink open slowly, a bright light shining above you, causing you to turn your head away. The pain in your leg causes you to groan out as well as the headache pounding against your skull. The cold air along with the surface under you causes you to look down in confusion. Your eyes widen when you realize you’re completely naked on the meeting table, arms above you strapped. Your knees immediately go to your chest as a way to cover yourself, completely forgetting that your bare vagina is out and can be seen in between your thighs.

You scream as your eyes make contact with the men sitting around the table like you’re a buffet on display for hungry customers.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” You cry out, tears bursting as you struggle against the straps. Your calf in pain from the sharp movements, but numbed out from the bandaging.

“I guess Mikey actually listened to my proposition, huh?” Kazutora says in awe while eyeing your body and crying face.

“Shoulda put a muzzle on her.” Takeomi says as he leans over in his chair to place a hand on the bottom of your thigh, spreading your vagina as he pulls the skin, cigar hanging from the corner of his mouth.

“STOP TOUCHING ME!” Your voice cracks as you struggle harshly against the restraints. A hand is placed against your wrists.

“Those were expensive as hell. Stop struggling and relax.” Kokonoi says. He’s honestly just thankful you’re not dead yet. Your eyes widened more when you felt nubs against your nipples. You look down at both of the Haitani brothers on either side of you gently twisting them in between their fingers.

“They’re so fucking hard.” Rin says with a straight face, mesmerized.

“Who knew you’d have such a nice body under that suit, Y/n?” Ran smirked. The feeling of the friction between their fingers and your nipples caused a shiver down your spine.

“It was a good idea to get the Bonten symbol tattooed on her chest.” Kazutora beamed.

Kakucho sat at the end of the table diagnol to where your head lies as he eyes the tears on your face. He ignored the tightness forming in his pants as he looked away.

You were hysterical. You didn’t stop crying until you all heard the door click and everyone removed their hands from your body. They sat back and awaited their Boss and his second in command. Your head leaned back to eye Mikey sitting next to Kakucho as well as Sanzu on his other side.

“Pl-please don’t kill me like this Mikey! I don’t want to die like this!” You whined as you pulled against the restraints once more. You were so hysterical that you forgot the honorifics. You wouldn’t know but hearing his name come out in the plea went straight to his cock.

You watched as he sat criss crossed on the table above you, in between your strapped arms, behind your head with a gun in his hand.

“Why shouldn’t I?” Your teary eyes met his dark gaze as he looked down on you. The room was silent, everyone anticipating what could happen next. You couldn’t answer considering you didn’t know what to say.

“Open your mouth.” Your eyes widen, as well as some of the other men. Is this how you’re going to die? Naked with no dignity and a gun down your throat. You had no choice but to comply. He slowly pushes the barrel past your lips as he glides it down your throat, you slightly gagging.

“Suck. Your life depends on it.” You whimper before sucking the barrel like it’s a toy cock. You hear curses under some of the males breaths. Mikey forced you to suck the gun as he slowly dragged it in and out of your mouth.

“When Sanzu unstraps you, I want you to prove to me why I shouldn’t kill you on the spot.” Your eyes shut tightly as you begin crying around the gun.

No way.

No way he’s going to humiliate you like this.

All these years of working under these men and doing a great job. All your hard work. All your efforts going down the drain. You realized how fake the recognition was. The validation. Maybe they knew all along how weak you were for praise.

You feel the tightening on your wrists loosen before you quickly cover your boobs with one arm and your vagina with your hand as your legs lie flat on the surface. He removes the gun from your throat slowly.

“Pl-please Sir. Don’t make me do this.” You whisper, holding back another sob.

“Y/n.” He says in a sing - song voice, yet his tone is flat. His head tilts slightly as he leans back on his hands.

You slowly sit up from your position, purposefully looking down as you try not to make eye contact with anyone even though you can feel their gazes burning into you. You bite your lip as you turn your body to face Mikey, sitting on your knees, minor pain striking from the injured calf.

“W-what do you want me to do?” You feel nothing but embarrassment and so much pressure. He uses the gun to tap at his crotch area, spreading his legs as he waits for you to make a move. You realize that if you proceed, you will have to bend over and your bottom half will be on full display. You swallow hard before getting in position. Tears continue down your face as you pull his pulsating cock from his pants. You are in disbelief that you’re actually holding your Boss’s cock in your hand.

“M-Mikey I can’t-.” The gun cocks against your head as you shut your eyes tightly before bending over, knees spread with your bottom half on display for the men who sat in the vicinity. You lower your head until your lips touched the head of his penis. You feel his cock twitch in your hands before you ease the entire shaft into your mouth, bottoming out with the head of his cock in your throat.

He let out a breath before laying the gun down and using that hand to place on your head before he whispers, “Good.”

The only thing that could be heard was the wet sounds of his cock rubbing against your tongue as your mouth engulfed his shaft, pulling your head back and forth in a steady pace. You accidentally released quiet whimpers when his hand would hold you against the base of his cock before releasing his grip.

The display had the other men heated as they watched you bob your head on their boss’s cock. Kazutora rubbed along his own bulge with a drawn out, quiet, “Fuuuck.” Ran had his face in his palms as he leaned over in his chair, fighting the urge to rub a finger up your wet slit.

“Goddamn.” Takeomi whispered with droopy eyes.

Rin watched the display with his arms crossed, becoming slightly impatient. When you and Kakucho accidentally make eye contact, you shift your focus away immediately and close your eyes, but within the second, you saw that lust had formed on his red face.

Kokonoi sat with his hands crossed on the table, eyeing your perked ass. He’s honestly in disbelief that the boss even listened to the proposition of those idiots. He could only hope you wouldn’t get killed after this whole ordeal. Though, if you do a good job maybe you’ll get to live. He continued to ignore the tightness of his pants as the escapade played out.

Sanzu eyed your teary face as you shoved Mikey’s cock down your throat. He couldn’t help but be turned on by the scene. His precious King using the seductress whore was a sight to see. He smirked when you opened your eyes and accidentally made eye contact with him, licking his lips in the process. The humiliation and sorrow on your face made him even more horny than before.

You finally felt Mikey’s cock twitch in your mouth before he held you down, nose to the base of his shaft as he released his semen down your throat, a quiet moan escaping him as his hips slightly lift up and teeth meet his bottom lip.

The hand shifts to the back of your neck before pulling you off of his cock. Saliva and cum drip down your chin as the tear stains dry down your face. You attempt to look down, completely humiliated and having a hard time looking at your boss but he tightens his grip and forced you to look at him.

“I own you til the day you die.” He frowned before pushing you back, causing you to fall on your back, legs spread from having to pull them from under you. You watch in horror as he climbed on top of you. Your knees are almost pressed against your shoulders as your hands reach his chest.

“M-Mikey! No!” You squeel as you feel the head of his cock enter you. You suck in a breath when he locks your thighs with his legs and his hands are placed next to either side of your neck.

“Holy shit.” Rin whispers to himself in excitement as all the men’s eyes widen at their boss about to fuck you.

“No, no, no! Don’t do this!” Suddenly hands grab your face forcing you to look back at Kokonoi standing above you.

“Shut up, Y/n! This is the best punishment you can get without losing your life!” You eye the desperate look in his gaze, the white hair draping over his shoulders. Your jaw hangs open in a silent scream as pain reaches through your core when Mikey shoves his cock all the way into your wet vagina.

“Ah! K-Koko it hurts!” You cry out from the lack of preparation. Some of the men almost moan out from your plea, completely turning them on. Suddenly, Kokonoi was pulled away from you as Sanzu took his place, his grip tighter on your face as he forced you to look at Mikey’s intense gaze.

“Look at your King when he’s fucking you!” He hissed with a manic look on his face. His hands hold your face in place as Mikey speeds up his pace. Kakucho watched as his testicles slap your ass, the wet noises going straight to the scarred face’d man’s dick.

“God she’s soaked!” Kazutora says after he got up from the chair to eye your pussy.

Your hands grabbed onto Sanzu’s forearms as Mikey’s cock began to hit your g-spot. Your mouth hangs open as your eyes roll to the back of your head. Your hips automatically buck up as your legs spread even more. You couldn’t stop the whining and moaning as the feeling burned your lower stomach.

“There ya go.” Sanzu whispered, thumbs rubbing against the corners of your mouth. The tip of the back of your head is pressed into the surface as Mikey continues to move his hips back and forth, grinding into you at a steady pace while he goes deeper and deeper, purposefully aiming to get you to cream on his cock. He feels the tightening of your core, slick oozing out of you as his precum leaks inside of you. He’s not very concerned about whether you’re on birth control or not. At this point he doesn’t even care if he breeds you.

He bites his lip, soft moans and grunts escaping him as he released a curse. He can feel himself edging closer and closer to release, but he wants you to finish first. He wants to feel your vaginal walls wrap around his cock tightly and milk him dry.

At this point, the Haitani brothers have been cupping and rubbing their bulges throughout the ordeal, their cocks tight against their pants as the feeling becomes too overwhelming to ignore. They want to fuck into you so bad, Y/n.

Takeomi relights the cigar that’s been sitting in his mouth to distract himself from his raging hard on. At this point he’s leaking against his underwear.

You finally release a guttural moan as your grip tightens on Sanzu’s arm, nails piercing his skin as tears fall from your face. Your head is turned to the side before the blue eyed man forced your head back to face Mikey. He cursed when your pussy tightened around him, your hips bucking as you orgasm hard against him.

“Shit.” He hissed, head dropping to your shoulder as he fucks into you hard and fast, the tightening walls sending him straight to the edge before he milks himself inside you, cum filling you up as some leaks out of your hole. You both breathe heavily as you lay there for a moment.

Sanzu released his grip on your face as Mikey sat up, pulling himself out of you as he climbs off of your exhausted figure. Your legs fall to the surface, the pain in your calf long forgotten as you lie there. After a moment of silence, you were fucked hard by each executive. Some fucked your mouth and some fucked your pussy. It was amazing that nobody ended up double penetrating you. Kokonoi and Kakucho were hesitant participants but they eventually received their fair share of your body. At least they were a lot more gentle than the rest.

Once the sun rose, you had been laying in the same spot, dried semen, slobber, and tears everywhere. Your body was littered with bruises and scars. If you would’ve known that beginning the job would’ve ended up like this, you wouldn’t have joined. At least you’re not dead.

“When you joined Bonten, you vowed your life to me.” You couldn’t move. Your eyes were barely even open and you wondered if that was a hallucination or not.

“You belong to me.” Your head turned to the side to face your Boss, lazily. A finger traced the tattooed Bonten’s symbol that’s placed right in the middle of your breasts.

“You’ve been demoted.”

Your breath hitched when you felt the baton at your entrance.

“W-wai-!”

Your scream echoed throughout the room.

134 notes · View notes

astrophelsbargain · 2 years ago

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Double NSFW question: What are the ROs preferences in bed? And what are their kinks?

P.S If you are uncomfortable with this question/s, please delete the question. You are not obliged to answer.

Hello thank you for the ask :)

Gosh, I haven’t even started thinking about the bed scenes yet (or if they will appear). I will answer as I see some of the RO’s who we’ve met in the demos in 🛌. I don’t know if I’ve said it before- but I like to write these things sort of vaguely, mostly because I want you guys to find it imaginative to your liking :)

Alen;

probably lots of gentle touches, they’d crave that physical validation in bed. They’d love sweet talking and praises but adore that sort of sweet silence too.

Astrophel;

more dominant, D likes to be in control over most things, not to say they’d not be caring, but it’s a sort of need that will come through into the intimacy.

Vicifer;

vanilla! Lmao, lots of questions and check-ins, I would like to think that N will just do the most to make sure the other person is enjoying and having fun.

For the other romance options, might update this post once they are properly met. I’m sorry for the unaesthetic post, kinda writing this in a rush between jobs :(.. I will come back to it and edit when I have the time <3

Thank you again for the ask anon :) hope you are well!

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gossip-girl-of-middleearth · 4 years ago

Text

Imagine the Fellowship comforting you, as you reveal your Aro/Ace identity to them

Requested by: @a-dragon-under-the-stars

I was wondering if you could write a gen or maybe qpp (x reader) oneshot where the reader is aroace and they're feeling unaccepted. The fellowship helps the reader then?

AN: I researched the topic, to ensure I got it right, and started relating a little too much, and now I’m questioning my identity. Alas! Enjoy the product of head scratching, and muttering ‘is it an emotional attachment thing, or is this me too??’

‘Either come back with a husband, or don’t come back at all’ – the last thing your mother had said to you, before you’d set out on the Fellowship’s journey.

Though you resented the idea greatly, you knew better than to argue with your mother. Of course, this left you at wrath with yourself. Here you were, travelling with those you’d rather call friends, but were instead sorting through them – as potential suitors, no less!

There were many feasible candidates, and at least two royals in your company. Your mother had placed great emphasis on that particular fact, but you knew she’d be happy either way, so long as you returned home with a lifelong partner.

However, as mentioned before, you found yourself rather at war, with no one but your own mind – and heart.

You see, that was just the thing – your heart cared not for what your mind thought. It had no attraction to any of the males in your presence, and for the life of you, you couldn’t figure out why!

They were all so handsome, and single! Even the ranger, Aragorn, no longer had ties to that Elven lady from Rivendell.

Legolas, the prince, was high on your radar. He had flowing blonde locks, a tall frame and a charming smile. Your mother would be very proud, if you returned home with him linked through your arm.

Of course, then there were the two human men. Boromir and Aragorn were both very similar in heart and spirit, and you knew for sure they’d make wonderful husbands.

Gimli the Dwarf made you chuckle, but you knew he had great social standing, within his own culture.

The Hobbits were last on your list, but they were most agreeable, nonetheless. Frodo, Merry and Pippin, the three cousins, allegedly stood very high in their society, back in the Shire.

Gandalf also travelled with you, but you halted your thoughts, before anything else could be birthed within your mind.

So many great males you travelled with, and yet, you had no hope of romancing them – it simply wasn’t in you to accomplish.

You felt at unease for days, and the Fellowship soon noticed. Your stomach churned and churned, as you wondered how your mother would react, to you returning home without one of them. The other half of you, was restless over the idea of actually returning home with one of them. You would be miserable, forcing both your heart and body to do things it had no interest in.

You felt incomplete, in a way, as if when your soul was crafted, such finite details were neglected. How would you ever honour your family tree, if you couldn’t carry on the ancestral legacy?

It was one big mess – one your newly found friends wished to help you with.

You sat around the campfire, with your head in your hands. The males all glanced between one another, as they revered you in concern.

You thought you had been discreet in your troubled antics, but apparently, at the gentle calling of Aragorn’s voice, you had not been.

“Y/n?” Aragorn called, stoking the fire, as he glanced at you sideways. “Are you okay? Is everything alright?”

Aware that tears were in your eyes, and had been running down your cheeks, you lifted your head. You sniffled loudly, shocking both yourself, and your friends.

“I’m fine,” you lied, wiping at your nose. “Thank you for asking.”

“Clearly not,” Legolas huffed, creasing his brows at you. “It doesn’t take Elven eyes to observe your saddened state.”

“Aye, we are your friends,” Gimli promised, slurping at his stew. “If you can’t tell us, then who can you tell?”

You lifted your head more, and knitted your own brows at the group. They gave you their undivided attention, and some even shuffled in their seats, as to better pay attention to you.

Their endearment warmed your heart, and you couldn’t help but feel it swell three times bigger in response. You even offered your own smile, as their sincerity was just too lovely.

Sighing, you averted your eyes to the ground, and replied. Your voice was small, and barely above a mumble. However, they had all heard you.

“I don’t want to marry any of you,” you said sheepishly.

Silence ensued around the camp, as the boys all looked between one another. Who among them had desired to court you, so much so that they had asked for your hand in marriage? Worse yet, why would you taunt them so cruelly, as to announce said rejection in everyone’s presence?

“Did…one of us…ask you, for your hand?” Boromir slowly said, glancing at the Hobbits and Legolas – whom he assumed were the most viable candidates.

You cringed deeply, for you quickly realized that you’d have to reveal your mother’s ulterior motives.

“Not exactly,” you winced. “I don’t know how to say this, without coming across as scheming, but…my mother…she told me to marry one of you.”

Silence ensued again, and you kept your eyes on the ground. That is, until Pippin chirped aloud.

“I’ll marry you!” he offered, grinning brightly. “Our children would be rather tall, that way!”

“That’s just the thing,” you huffed, rolling your eyes – amused nonetheless. “I don’t think I want any of that.”

“How so?” Aragorn gently asked, looking at you fully, as he continued meddling with the fire.

“Well,” you swallowed your nerves, “I know what tags along with marriage, and relationships, and I don’t know if there’s something wrong with me, but…I don’t feel inclined towards any of it? I don’t know, I’m just not interested? It’s hard to explain, but forcing those kind of things feels wrong somehow…am I just crazy?”

“Absolutely not,” Frodo promised – smiling, and nodding once in your direction. “I know so, because I’m the exact same.”

“What?” you incredulously asked, gaping across at the Hobbit.

“I feel the same as you,” he repeated. “I too do not have any interest in romance, or the things that ensue afterwards…nor did my uncle, for that matter.”

The Hobbit blushed at his own innuendo, regarding what ensures after marriage. He looked away, with a clearing of his throat.

Legolas’ brows were raised, and he pursed his lips to the side. ��Can’t relate’, the young Elf thought. Boromir and Aragorn merely only nodded in understanding, as they mulled over both yours and the Hobbit’s admittance.

“I too, will jump on this bandwagon,” Gandalf piped up, having been sat and smoking against a tree the whole time. “It might be because I am a Maia, but even in my Middle-earth form, I do not crave such relations. If you’re crazy, or incomplete, then so am I – and I was made in Eru’s image.”

You suddenly perked up at the wizard’s words, and offered him an eye-squinting smile.

“Doesn’t seem that weird to me,” Gimli mused, shrugging his shoulders. “I know a few Dwarves who felt the same – Thorin, for one. At least, that’s what my father says.”

“It seems the rest of us are in the minority,” Aragorn smiled, glancing between the other Hobbits, Legolas and Boromir. “I wouldn’t fret at all, Y/n. It all seems perfectly natural to me. And regarding your mother, well…if her words ever cause doubt in your heart, remember ours instead; you are valid – just as valid as both Gandalf, and Frodo.”

You steadily beamed brightly, and found tears warming your eyes again. However, this time, they were out of the joy lighting up in your heart.

“Thank you, guys,” you said, nodding around at all of them. “I’m glad I have you all.”

#lotr imagine #lord of the rings #lotrdaily #lotr movies #the hobbit #legolas #hobbit #lotr fanfic #lotr x reader #fellowship x reader #aro #ace #hobbit x reader #lord of the rings x reader

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tg-headcanons · 3 years ago

Note

Nsfw alphabet with naki?

HORNY HOURS WITH IDIOT (affectionate)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex): he’s never quite sure what to do right when it’s over and will probably just wait for his partner to do something. He’ll follow their lead for the most part, but what he really wants is praise and cuddles. He’s one of those ghouls who really needs the post sex cuddle sessions to avoid the emotional drop

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s): on himself he likes his teeth, on his partner he doesn’t like anything in particular. He’s demisexual and when he is attracted to someone sexually he doesn’t really break down what specific things he likes into parts. He’s content to just like their body as a whole

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically): he needs his partner to be patient with him since he doesn’t come very easily. It takes him awhile to get there and he can’t finish without his kakuhou being touched, some ghouls are just built like that but he’s a little embarrassed by it

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs): though he’s more used to quick and careless rough stuff, what he really wants is to be pampered. Tell him he’s pretty, touch him gently, fuck him or ride him. Let him lay back and be taken care of, let him know that he deserves it. He’s a pillow prince at heart

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?): he has experience, but it isn’t all good. In the past he’s had partners ranging from distant and pushy to downright cruel. Some have been alright, he’s hooked up with people like Miza and Hooguro and really liked it, but others weren’t as kind. Plenty of people have slept with him without caring if he enjoys it, plenty have fucked him through his heat and left him to deal with the emotional drop alone, and Jason in particular was among the worst when it came to downright brutal sex. Naki wants people to give him affection and attention, but sadly Aogiri isn’t the best place to find safe and respectful partners. By now he thinks of sex as something that’s usually painful but can earn him some praise. His partner will need to be very gentle and soft with him at first, he needs to learn that he can set boundaries and that his pleasure is just as important as theirs

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying): if he’s bottoming he likes missionary, He’s used to being bent over things in any abandoned building or broken into house he and past partners could find and unceremoniously fucked so being able to look his partner in the eyes and kiss them is amazing. When topping he likes doggy, he hasn’t had much of a chance to be dominant before, and he really likes the feeling of control from time to time

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.): he’s not going to joke around, and if his partner is joking he probably won’t notice

H = Heat (what are heats like for them? How do they handle it?): some ghouls get lucky and have brief, mild heats, and others get very unlucky. Naki is among the ladder. They’re absolutely horrible, he was unfortunate enough to end up with a heat hormonal disorder and no way to treat it so he suffers with them. They last a whole week, he has horrible cramps, fevers, nausea, unrelenting muscle weakness and insomnia. In the past he’s handled them by trying to find a decent place to hide and wait them out, but most of the time they break him and he resorts to sleeping with anyone to relieve it. It isn’t safe and the type of ghoul who would fuck someone in heat without talking it out with them beforehand isn’t the type to be kind and respectful. His partner will need to sit him down and talk about how he wants to go about it before it happens to be sure they have a plan and don’t cross any of his boundaries, and he’ll honestly be grateful for the sense of security that comes with a safe place to get through it. Just keep him from overheating, bring some painkillers, be gentle with him and maybe ask around among rich ghoul circles for doctors who can treat heat disorders and he’ll fall in love all over again

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect): he’s very intimate. He always holds out hope that sex will be romantic and kind and even with the kind of people he’s been with in the past he hasn’t given up on that fairy tail Candlelight-And-Velvet sex he wants. Tell him how pretty he is and kiss him and he’ll be melting in your arms

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon): considering that he’s homeless, roams with a pack of people, and that it takes more for him to come than it takes others, for Naki jerking off takes more planning than you’d think. He needs to wait until he can find somewhere that he can go in private between missions, often rooms in unoccupied buildings where the White Suits are staying, and then he can relieve himself. Since he needs his kakuhou touched he rubs up against something to stimulate it. If he’s lucky he can find a living room or bedroom with pillows he can use, but if he can’t he’ll fold up his jacket. Between touching his cock and rutting his kakuhou against the pillows he’s able to get himself off every so often before slipping back into the group and hoping no one has questions about where he went

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks): blindfolds. You know how when vets treat horses and deer they cover their eyes to make them less nervous? The same thing works on Naki. He’s a little uneasy when getting started and oddly enough, if he’s blindfolded and unable to anticipate movements, that fades away. All he has to do is focus on the sensations of being touched and words of praise, and any anxiety is replaced by euphoria

L = Location (favorite places to do the do): bedroom. For most that seems normal but for him that’s a luxury. A comfy bed? A door for privacy? Lights that can be turned off? That’s living like kings right there

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going): genuine affection. Nothing gets him hard like assurance that he’s loved and wanted through the simple kindness he craves

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs): Naki has some trouble with setting boundaries, he assumes his partner will be mad and needs the assurance that there’s nothing wrong with not being comfortable with things. He’s not quite sure where to start so he’d have to say that he doesn’t like anything too rough or mean. Things like bottoming unprepared, impact play or degradation. Biting and hard grips are fine since that’s normal for ghouls to enjoy but things that are purposefully sadistic are off the table. He’s getting better at speaking up when something hurts physically or emotionally, and it feels good to be able to say no without feeling guilty about it

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.): he prefers to give. Because he’s a ghoul, Teeth Near Dick is a valid fear and one that he’d rather avoid. Though he isn’t opposed to being the one giving head

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.): he can take a lot, but prefers for his partner to be gentle and slow when he’s bottoming. Though when he’s on top, he’s pretty quick, not so much that he’s trying to be rough, rather he gets caught up in feeling good and ends up fucking like a rabbit

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.): he hates them. He knows that “quick fuck” = “not enough time for him to finish” = “not enough time for post sex cuddles” = “huge emotional drop.” He needs to have time, he needs to have the right touches, and he needs to have decent aftercare. Quickies don’t allow for that so he isn’t too keen on them

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.): he doesn’t really like to. He knows his comfort zone in regards to sex and he knows that he doesn’t do well with pushing its boundaries. He’d rather stick to doing it inside, and if there’s anything new his partner wants to bring into the bedroom it would need to be gradual

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?): he lasts a hell of a long time. He goes a round or two before being tapped out, but with how long it takes him to come those rounds can be awhile

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?): he doesn’t have any. He wouldn’t be opposed to some being used on him as long as they don’t hurt though

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease): he doesn’t like teasing and he doesn’t like to be teased, he doesn’t see the appeal

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.): I’m sure this comes as no surprise but Naki cries during sex. He does it when he’s in pain, he does it when he’s feeling amazing, he does it with any strong sensation at all so no matter what it’s just going to happen. It’s normal for him to let a few tears fall while he’s fucking, along with some pretty loud moans. What is surprising is that he’s one of those rare ghouls who purrs during sex. He doesn’t always do it because he needs to feel very safe and very good, but with the right partner he’ll be purring like a kitten

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character): he likes wearing things that his partner gives him. It’s a task that he can obey, it’s a physical reminder that they care enough about him to decorate him, it’s something that shows everyone who he belongs to. Whether it’s a collar or a suit he jumps at the opportunity to wear something that marks him as theirs

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes): 7.5 inches, life may have screwed him over but at least his meat is huge

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?): a little below average. Sex isn’t as important to him as romance, rather it’s another expression of romance, so only doing it a few times a month is enough for him. Though he’d be okay with doing it more if his partner wants to, he likes doing anything as long as it’s with them and sex can be amazing

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards): he doesn’t fall asleep after sex unless he’s sure he’s somewhere safe. He’s used to having to immediately fix his clothes and leave whenever it’s over, but if he has a partner who cares about him, a room that’s safe, and some cuddles to put him at ease, he’ll slowly drift off

#tokyo ghoul #tokyo ghoul headcanon #naki #tg naki #notsfw alphabet #notsfw

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onewithnomightypowers · 4 years ago

Text

clandestine (chapter 2)

PAIRING: Tom Holland x fem!Reader

SUMMARY: Y/N is an up and coming actress, married to a once hotshot actor, Harrison (Haz). What happens when her co-star, Tom, makes her realise that she is stuck in a loveless marriage. A marriage starts crumbling and a new romance stars brewing.

chapter 2: portrait of a dinner

A/N: the characters in no way portray how these ppl are in real life. i do not encourage cheating. i hope you guys like this chapter!! i would love to know how you guys feel about the story. feedback is always appreciated.

warnings: drinking, smoking, cursing

word count: 1.6k

important: the whole chapter is a flashback, character thoughts are in bold italics

masterlist series masterlist chapter 1 chapter 3

“I rent a place on Cornelia street”, Tom said casually in the car. They were sitting in the backseat of a black town car, going for their shoot. Y/N had suggested that they travel together, in an attempt to get to know each other better. She said, “It would help with the on screen chemistry”, the whole production team agreed. But that did not become a norm for them, mostly because of their different call times.

Both of them had hectic filming schedules and only saw each other when they had scenes together. Sometimes they would bump into each other at the craft service, but otherwise, they were on their own.

During the last few weeks of filming, Tom had started getting her coffee. He had noticed how she took her coffee during the shooting. Black with one sugar.

“There you go”, Tom handed her the coffee. “Thanks Tom.” He gave her a smile. She was walking towards the door, and Tom started following her behind.

“I’m going to hair and makeup, do you wanna tag along?” she asked him.

“Sure, I have a 15 minute break anyway”

“Have you seen Hot Rod? I watched it last night” she didn’t know why she asked that silly question. She found it embarrassing.

“That Andy Samberg movie, right?” Tom nodded, “Yeah I watched it a long time ago, it’s a classic”

“I totally watched it for Bill Hader” She found herself easing up to him.

“Valid reason. Loved him on SNL. Do you know Stefon? from SNL?” She reached for the door handle, a gush of cold air was felt by both of them.

“Don’t even get me started on Stefon. I used to watch Stefon compilations on YouTube all the time. It became a problem” she chuckled, remembering how Haz used to get pissed off whenever she’d talk in a ‘Stefon’ tone.

Oh, I love it when she chuckles like that. I wish I could kiss her. NO. She is fucking married, Tom.

“Yes yes yes, New York’s hottest club is…” Tom tried to imitate Bill Hader as Stefon. He looked around a bit and pointed towards the paparazzi, who were trying to take pictures of anything worth money. “New York’s hottest club is paparazzi” he continued.

“If paparazzi is the hottest club, then I’m fine staying at home” Y/N was laughing so hard that she couldn’t breathe. She clutched Tom’s arm to avoid falling down while trying to contain her laughter. She hadn’t had a good laugh with Haz in a long time.

Tom found himself at Y/N’s doorsteps with cheap wine he bought from the convenience store last minute. Y/N had invited Tom and his partner for dinner during the last week of shooting.

“Oh, I’m not seeing anyone actually, but my lonely heart and I will be there”, Tom replied to Y/N’s invitation.

He rang the bell and waited for someone to open the door. Tom was met by Haz’ charming smile, as he opened the door. Tom could see right through his fake smile. Clueless to Y/N and Haz’ fight prior, he entered the two story building.

“Why did you invite him without asking me?” Haz screamed, slamming the plates on the table.

“I didn’t think you’d be home tonight, you never are” Y/N replied in the same tone as Haz

“So you were going to have dinner with him, alone?”

“Yes” she said in a crude way.

“Are you fucking him?” Just as Haz asked her, the doorbell rang.

It would be better fucking him than fucking you. At least he’ll be home.

Y/N entered the kitchen leaving Haz to open the door. “You must be Tom” said Haz, in his most likeable voice.

“Yeah and you must be Haz. I got this for you guys”, Tom handed him the wine bottle.

He’s a bloody hotshot and brought us cheap wine.

“Hey Tom, I’m so glad you could make it”, Y/N said, taking Tom in for a hug. She could feel Haz burning a hole behind her head with his gaze.

She pulled out of the hug, “do you want red or white wine?”

“Red”, Harrison and Tom said in unison. Y/N let out a little chuckle and went into the kitchen. Tom started noticing the little things in their house, like how there were film and Polaroid cameras scattered everywhere. There was a vinyl shelf right above an old golden gramophone, adjacent to their brown leather couch.

He noticed a collage of pictures and recognised some of the photos from the time they were taken on set. There was one with him and Y/N. He felt a sense of pride knowing that their picture hung on Y/N’s wall and the possibility of her looking at it every day.

“So, what do you wanna hear?” Harrison was standing next to their vinyl collection. “Since Y/N lives here, we have everything Taylor Swift, I don’t suppose you’re into that pop shit, are you?”

“Actually I do like pop but more like alt-pop”

Harrison wasn’t surprised. He seemed like a ‘Beach House’ kinda guy anyway, to him.

“So you like alt-pop?” Y/N walked towards the boys with two glasses of red wine in her hands. “Have you heard of ‘peter cat recording co.’?” she asked Tom

“Yes I have! Oh, I thought nobody knew about them. I’m glad I found you”, Tom was filled with giddy excitement.

“PCRC it is, then”, Haz said in an annoyed tone. He grabbed the vinyl of ‘portrait of a time’, their first album, and placed it on the gramophone.

“Babe, where is your glass?” Haz asked Y/N.

“Oh I, shit I left it in the kitchen”

“No worries I’ll get it”, Haz kissed her cheek and left the living room.

Even though Y/N knew it was fake niceties, she still craved it. It felt nice, behaving like a normal couple instead of fighting over every damn thing, and him storming out of the house almost every night. Sometimes she felt that Harrison was a hypocrite. He would accuse her of cheating with every guy in her life, but wouldn’t be home nine out of ten times.

They were now seated on their wooden dining table, with dried flowers in the middle. Haz and Y/N were sitting opposite to Tom. There was Chinese takeout in their fancy china.

“Sorry about the take out, neither of us are good at cooking and we didn’t want you getting sick”, Y/N tried to justify the absence of a home cooked meal.

“It’s fine as long as I’m getting fed”, Tom chuckled.

“No actually all this food is only for Y/N and me”, Haz said, trying to sound serious.

That was a bad joke, all of them thought.

There was an awkward silence. Haz cleared his throat, “So Y/N, are you seeing someone?”

“Haz, you can’t just ask someone that!”

“It’s okay Y/N. No Haz, I’m not seeing anyone at the moment.” Tom said, blushing at the personal question.

“So you are single”, Haz said looking at Y/N, in an attempt to imply that she might be having an affair with him.

Trying to hide her annoyance, Y/N started serving the food. The rest of the dinner was normal. They talked about the movie and Haz did not spontaneously combust. In Y/N’s mind, it was near to a success. When Tom started to leave, Y/N offered to drop him to his apartment building, but he settled on walking him one block.

Y/N grabbed her jacket as they left the house. She pulled out a box of cigarettes from her pocket and offered Tom.

“Oh, I don’t smoke”

Y/N scuffed with a cigarette between her teeth.

“What kind of an English man are you?” she said, lighting her cigarette.

“Well you know it’s a common misconception, we don’t all smoke”

“That’s good to know”, she took a long drag.

“Also you might not like the wine I brought you. I realised pretty late that I should be getting you something because I was visiting your house for the first time, so I bought the best wine I could find in that convenience store”, he pointed towards the store a few metres away from them.

“Its fine, it’ll remind me of my youth”, they both laughed.

“I guess this is one block, you should go back home now”, Tom said while trying hail a cab by waving his right hand frantically, at the edge of the curb. He looked ridiculous.

“You clearly have never done this before” she laughed at him, turning Tom’s face red.

She stepped off the curb, to be seen clearly by the oncoming traffic, put out her arm and a cab was there in seconds.

“So I guess I’ll see you around” he said while pulling Y/N into a hug.

His touch made her hyper aware and same could be said for Tom. Y/N started to pull out but stopped half way. It felt like they were both looking inside each other’s soul through their eyes.

“Ay, lovebirds, you comin or not”, the cab driver screamed making them break away. He got in and Y/N closed the door for him. That’s when her phone pinged.

Haz: where are you, I’m going out.

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x actress!reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland smut #tom holland fic #tom holland fluff #tom holland self insert #clandestine #harrison osterfeild x reader #harrison osterfield #marvel #marvel fanfiction #spiderman x reader #spiderman #taylor swift

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kuroos-world · 4 years ago

Text

The Bookshop Keeper - Dabi mini series PT.4

Masterlist A/N: I’ll try to get these out more routinely!

Chapters: pt.1 pt.2 EC pt.3

A few weeks go by and the two of you settle into a nice routine, you’d wake up at 7 to get ready to open up the shop. While you’d get ready Dabi would get up to make you breakfast, and then with a peck on your forehead he’d send you off to work. You spent most of the day in the shop while Dabi did, well you weren’t completely sure what he did all day, but when you got home he’d be making dinner. Which is what he was doing now, ‘this is much better than staying at the shop all night’ you thought, feeling really happy with the domesticity of it all, It felt so natural. At the same time though, it had you craving more, more of Dabi, not just the forehead kisses and cuddles (both of which you absolutely loved). You honestly weren’t sure what was going on between the two of you and it was starting to make you feel anxious that maybe he didn’t see things the way you did.

“Dabi?”

“What’s up doll?”

“I l-like spending time with you,” he smirks inching closer to you,

“Yeah? Not tired of me yet?” Shaking your head you lean into him.

“No never, if anything I want to be closer to you,”

Dabi feels his chest squeeze, he can’t,

“Closer? Doll you’re practically laying on me,” he chuckles trying to divert the conversation elsewhere. He hadn’t thought much of it when he accidentally fell into a routine with you, but now he was hyper aware of it. You’re so sweet to him, he didn’t want to have to hurt you, but if you’re already forming an attachment maybe he should start planning his exit.

Too lost in his thoughts he subconsciously leans into your hand that’s reaching up to cup his face. His eyes meet yours and he notices the shyness in them, “all my life i've jumped from place to place,

I’ve never really felt at ease but,

With you I finally feel free,

And I know it’s a but soon but to me,

You feel like home”

The room grows silent, the two starts at each other for a long time, and though they don’t know it, their hearts began to beat in sync

1,2,3&4 1,2,3&4

“I love you” “I need to leave”

They speak in time, both eyes widening. Ones full with tears and the others with fear. He jumps back putting in a distance that feels much larger than it is,

“I should go,” “okay”

He leaves looking for a distraction, you stay but everywhere you try to hide, he’s there. His scent lingers in your bed, his books and notes in the living room. His presence, usually comforting, encompasses you, made you feel like you were suffocating and drowning in him. You’re quick to pull on a hoodie and make your way to the shop, hoping to find comfort in your second home. You walk in through the back door, being weary of the dark night surrounding you. As you walk towards your office you hear some shuffling between the aisles, you walk closer silently picking up a book. You reach the aisle and see a familiar figure, “wha-“ you both say in shock, “what are you doing here?” “Needed a distraction, you?”

“Needed an escape” you mumble, irritated

“God, it’s like you’re everywhere,” he huffs,

“Dude you came to MY shop” you retort and he gives you a face of disgust,

“Don't call me that and I didn’t think you’d come here. It’s late and dangerous for you to be out,”

“I can go out whenever I want,” the two of you stare at each other in annoyance,

“Whatever I'm staying on this side so you get that side”

“You’re such a baby” you grumble walking to the other side of the shop to find the book you had earlier.

After finding it you walk into your office, but Dabi was already in there, sitting on your comfy chair. You ignore his ugly stare and sit behind him on the couch, the two of you get lost in your books for a while before you accidentally break the trance,

“Ugh this guy is so stupid, he should’ve been honest with her from the beginning,” Dabi’s head shot up in defense,

“Maybe he was trying to protect her,”

“Maybe she doesn’t need protection,”

“Maybe if she knew everything from the start she wouldn’t have wanted him,” you look up to meet his eyes, his eyes bore into yours with emotions he doesn’t even know how to express,

“Are you hiding something from me?” He scoffs at you,

“Is that why you left?” He picks up his book once more but you demand his attention,

“Dabi! What aren’t you saying?”

He smirks but his eyes are cold, “there’s a lot I’m not saying doll,”

“Tell me.” You demand, “what do you want me to say? You’re so beautiful and I can’t imagine my life with you now… y/n we’re not in one of your fucking books. It doesn’t work like that in real life,” he almost loses his resolve when he sees the anger in your eyes.

“Fuck. You.” You don’t bother wiping the angry tear that falls, you held the same stone faced expression Dabi was currently wearing, “if you needed a place to stay why.. why’d get so close with me? If you just wanted to be friends why’d you flirt all the time ? I know my life isn’t a fucking romance novel! (wink wink) You’re not the only one with secrets Dabi,” your nose flares in anger and you push yourself off the couch, you start to walk away but Dabi’s hand stops you. “You wouldn’t be able to handle it” you turn, exasperated “Dabi i don’t know what you’ve been through and you don’t have to tell me but shit, you don’t have to play with my emotions if you just wanted to be friends,”

“Why are you so fucking nice? Do you know how hard it is to not like you? But you’re so fucking fragile, I couldn’t do that to you,”

“Do what? Break my heart? You wouldn’t be the first and probably wouldn’t be the last, and I’m not fragile. I'm more than capable of holding my own.”

“I praised tour writing and an hour later I heard you crying about it in the shower,” your face heats up,

“Blame that in the mommy issues,” you straighten your back, “but I’ve made my feelings for you clear, if you’re too scared to pursue something with me then you can fuck off. I won’t have you use me and my kindness whenever you please,” your sudden assertiveness caught him off guard but he’s quick to hide the shock from his face, “you won’t like me once you know,” “hmpf,” you start to walk away again, “but I want to know you,” “know me?” “I want to know everything about you,” “why?” “Because I want you to know me too, but” he takes a step back and averts his eyes, “but you’re too scared?” He scowls at that “I’m not a bitch or nothing but yeah more or less,” you giggle, “so what then?” “So we figure it out as we go, but yeah I’m willing to try,” you smile, finally, you stand on your toes and kiss him gingerly, finally. The two of you walk home and in hand. Once you get home he drags you to bed, where he hovers above you and kisses you so sweetly it makes your toes curl. But before anything more can happen he pulls away, “before we get deeper into this, there’s something you need to know.”

“...okay?” “I’m part of a group called the league of villains,” he searches your eyes intensely looking for a sign of change, “... that’s kind of a cheesy name” you stifle giggles, “is that your big bad secret?” “What? You’re not like scared or anything?” “No, you must’ve had a reason for joining right? Don’t they follow stains ideology?” “Yeah kinda.. you know about that?” “Yeah he made some valid points,” “no the LOV? No one really knows about us and what we do,” “yeah I don’t know much but I’ve heard customers talk about it from time to time. I told you my shop is for ANYONE to escape from their reality,” Dabi kisses you again,

“Stop surprising me” he mumbled against your lips.

——————

Taglist Open;

@orenjineki @liitlesushi

@icedtea-with-lemon16 @dabis-bitch

@c0metar5on @threbony

@prince-cahn @whalerus

@caramelsquares @vanilla-iced-latte

@sssjuico10

#mha fanfiction #mha imagines #mha x reader #dabi headcanons #dabi imagine #dabi smut #dabi x reader #dabi x y/n #mha dabi #dabi todoroki #mha angst #bnha dabi #dabi my hero academia #yandere dabi #dabi fluff #dabi is touya #dabi touya #touya x y/n #mha touya

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woahitslucyylu · 4 years ago

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NSFW Alphabet - Angel Reyes.

GIF is not mine, credit to OG creator. I’m back with the resident sasshole of the MC. Here’s Angel’s alphabet. Beware: Smut beneath the cut.

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NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

It depends. Angel is broody and his emotions wreck him daily. Sometimes, he cuddles and whispers sweet nothings in your ear, but other times, he is closed off and getting dressed before you can catch your breath. He isn’t intentionally distant, but he struggles with the noise and the constant feeling that he just isn’t good enough.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Angel loves his arms. He loves how they flex when they grab you tight, pulling him close to you. He takes pride in being fit and looking the part - his machismo oozing from his pores, and his arms are the product of that hard work.

Angel is an ass man - he loves to touch and rub on you alllll the time. At club parties, his hand is glued to your hips, pulling you close and keeping you right up against his muscular frame. He loves smacking your ass - both playfully and otherwise. He loves watching it bounce against his hips as he fucks you from behind. He’s an ass man.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum)

Angel will finish anywhere. Inside you, in your mouth, on your tits - he loves to see you covered with him. He seeks ownership and being covered in his cum definitely says ownership.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

You like to sleep in Angel’s shirts. He likes to keep your panties in his cut. He doesn’t do it often, but on long runs, he has been known to slide his favorite black lace boy shorts into his pocket for nothing other than to feel closure to you.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Angel’s charisma and charm have never left him lonely, and if he were to compete with EZ in anything and win, it would be bedding women. Adding the cut, Angel’s bed has never been empty. He loves all women and uses the experiences to meticulously work your body and shower you with affection.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying)

He’s an ass man, so doggy is his favorite. He loves the feel of your hips bouncing against his as you fuck yourself at his request. He loves holding your hands tight as he pushes you into the mattress - refusing to let up until you are crying his name. He loves feeling dominant and craves to be in control, and taking you from behind - his fingers wrapped through your hair, pulling you closer, is just the way to do it.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Angel is playful and that spills into the bedroom. He teases and taunts you with a flirtatious attitude - pushing your buttons and embarrassing you for the sake of foreplay. He loves to make you blush with dirty talk. He teases you in the most intimate moments.

“Look, you made such a mess, querida.” He mumbles as you gush on him - coming so hard you’re dazed. He is painfully flirty and teasing, yet you melt with every mild insult and sexual suggestion.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Angel is trimmed and neat and smells heavenly. He takes such pride in his appearance, you won’t catch him slacking.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Angel feels most alive when he’s buried inside of you, whispering how good you feel and how it’s his pussy. He thrives on sensations, both physical and emotional, and there’s nothing more intimate than watching you come undone underneath him.

Although he loves it rough and hard, Angel will pour out the romance and make you feel like a queen. He loves soaking in a bath with you - bubbles covering you as he massages you with expert hands. He will surprise you with a road trip for dinner - flying through the desert with you holding tight, finding the perfect place to picnic and watch the sun set. Angel is a man who was made to love.

J = Jack/Jill Off (Masturbation headcanon)

His hand will never measure up to you, but he tries - especially when he’s buried with club business. FaceTiming you late at night and listening to you get yourself off makes it easier to take care of himself. He loves listening to your moans as you try your hardest to make it feel like him.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Angel. Is. A. Whole. Daddy.

This man will pamper you and punish you in the same breath. He gets off on dominance. He may feel like he isn’t the first choice in other areas of his life, but with you, he is the boss and there is never a doubt that he is in control. He will bend you over and spank you till you’re dripping and ask you “Do you deserve this dick, mami? You were so rude in front of my brothers. I don’t even think I should give it to you.”

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Angel will take you anywhere, and the thought of discovery turns him on more and so does the chase. Rumor is you’ve been found in the back hallway of the clubhouse more than once, and poor EZ has walked in on you in his trailer more times than he can count.

When you first started dating, you had so many reservations, but with Angel, you’re pulling your skirt up as he slides into you in the club bathroom while his brothers are laughing and drinking right outside the door - fully aware that you’re fucking in the bathroom.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Angel’s motivation is to be your first choice. He craves the dependency - it makes him feel valued and important. When you slide your arms around his waist and whisper how much you love him, he melts into you. The validation gets him off and even more so, when you beg for his physical attention. When you walk into the living room wearing his t-shirt and slide into his lap and ask for Daddy’s attention, he is more than happy to give in.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Angel doesn’t share. He spends his whole life dealing with an inferiority complex, and when it comes to you, he isn’t going to play around.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Angel will shamelessly beg you to ride his face. He loves when you use him for your own pleasure. With your hips rolling back and forth across his thick beard, he feels like a king. He will gladly bury himself in your thighs to remind you how much he loves you - “You’re my favorite flavor, chula. Did you know that?”

BUT,

Watching you sink to your knees and choke on his dick electrifies him. You may or may not be the queen of spontaneous blow jobs, and when Angel is on the receiving end is one of the moments he knows you’re the one. He will slide in and out of your throat as saliva slides down your chest and tell you how beautiful you look stuffed with his dick.

“Can’t talk shit now, mami. You look so pretty like this.”

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Pace is determined by location and occasion - if you’re squeezing in a quickie on his lunch break, he’s fast and rough - pulling your hips against his as he fucks you against the sink in the service office. If you’re at home and you have hours to make love, he’s thoughtful and gives you orgasm after orgasm with more than just his dick.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

If he can have you, he takes you, which means quickies are a staple in your relationship. He loves taking you in any way he can have you.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

There is no reward without a risk, and with Angel, he will lead you into temptation without asking. You’ve never been more embarrassed than when Bishop found you in the kitchen, pressed up against the fridge, as Angel buried himself in you. Angel was smug and unfazed at the presence of the president as he zipped his pants and smacked your ass - walking out of the kitchen so nonchalantly.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

You will beg for mercy as he prepares for round 4918353. Angel will go for as many rounds as you let him and each time, his goal is the same - for you to scream his name.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Angel’s toys are whatever he finds around him - his belt, a scarf, a shirt made into a blindfold. He’s spontaneous and whatever feels right in the moment is what he uses. He isn’t one to browse through Adam + Eve, but he is always okay with whatever you bring. He thinks sex should be fun and limitless.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Angel will make you beg just because he loves to hear it. He will slide into you so slowly that you are sure you will die from anticipation. He will run his thumb over your aching clit and watch you raise your hips for more.

“What do you want? Use your words, mami.” He will whisper in your ear knowing that you can barely respond as you wiggle under him.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Angel speaks three languages - English, Spanish, and filth. He isn’t loud. He is dirty. Angel’s beautiful mouth says the dirtiest things as he fucks you in any position. He will tell you how good you feel as you clench around him. He will remind you his dick is a gift and you should be grateful. He will pull your hair and smack your ass and order you to beg for more from Daddy.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Angel didn’t sleep with women he had sex with until you. Surprisingly, literally sleeping with someone was his intimacy line - reserved for women who earned the trust of the Mayan. Sleeping leaves him vulnerable and that requires trust that a simple hang around or hook up hasn’t earned.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants)

Angel has big. dick. energy. It’s thick, it’s veiny, and it’s all yours.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He is ready to go at any point. A stolen glance, an accidental bump into him or a sweet kiss - that’s all it takes to get him going for you.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Angel will only sleep right after if he feels comfortable and, with you, that’s every time. Club business keeps him in a perpetual state of exhaustion, and after he works you over, he is ready to sleep.

#angel reyes #angel reyes x reader #Mayans MC #mayansmc fanfiction #mayans fanfic #mayans fx #mayans headcanons

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kikidewynter · 4 years ago

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anyway i mention my pierce headcanons a lot but i’ve never put them all in a post before so

he comes from an upper middle class family. his mom’s a lawyer and his dad plays an instrument in a professional orchestra

he’s an only child, and bc pierce gives me the impression that he craves validation and praise for his work, i think his parents never really gave him that much attention. his dad was usually out of town for work, and his mom either stayed late at the office or brought all her work home with her. when he did something worthy of praise, he didn’t really get it enthusiastically—just a quick “good job,” or “keep it up,” because they were so busy or because they had high expectations for him anyway

he might not be the best singer but he has a big interest in music. he took classical piano & violin lessons growing up (explaining his canon interest in classical music) and would wear cute little tuxedos to his recitals. he started playing around with making his own music and decided it was something he wanted to pursue, so he studied music production in college

he grew up in the suburbs and went to a private high school in north stilwater where he was president of the chess club, in the band, etc. and he would always wear his school blazer & have expensive shoes. he made sure he always looked good in his uniform, maybe accessorising with a diamond earring

pierce has big prep vibes but his sr2 look also makes me think he’s kind of a jock. i think he’s into more chill sports (nothing too aggressive like football), like basketball, tennis, or badminton maybe. probably a little golf by srtt bc he likes flaunting his wealth like that

gay. i was on the fence for a while bc he’s romanceable by anyone in sriv but then i realised that volition making all the characters playersexual while never clarifying what their identities are and giving us any real lgbt rep is evil so i’m not taking it as canon. pierce gay !

grew up admiring the vice kings. they were just so cool and stylish (if you’ve seen their early concept art u know what i’m talking abt). he would walk past them on his way home from school n give them a lil fist bump but his parents didn’t want him hanging around or making friends w gang members so that was kinda the extent of his affiliation

while studying in college, he gets an apprenticeship at kingdom come records. it’s cool at first, he gets to sit in on sessions and learn abt different equipment and techniques and recording processes. but as time goes by he gets sent on more and more shady errands until he’s basically just doing vice king jobs. it pays well and it’s fun, so he doesn’t really mind. he officially joins the gang and drops out of college

his parents disapprove but he doesn’t really tell them what he’s up to bc he knows they’d cut him off, so he just says he got a permanent job at kingdom come

aaaand then he gets arrested. i figure sometime near the end of sr1 when the saints are coming down hard on the vice kings n they lost all the connections king had that kept them out of jail

but it’s cool bc he meets gat and shaundi

he gets out n gets his tattoo about a year before the boss wakes up. probably feels a little lost bc he’s like 24 now and there are no vice kings and he can’t exactly go back to work at kingdom come, he doesn’t even have any qualifications. so he goes back to college and his parents are willing to pay but warn that it’s the last time. then of course the boss wakes up and he ditches all that to roll with the saints bc he just. loves the freedom and the fun and the money and the sense of family

he and shaundi get a place together and they bicker a lot but they actually have a lot of fun living together. one time he brings a guy home from the club and dips into the bathroom for a few mins. when he comes back out, his date is sitting at the kitchen table listening to shaundi talk absolute shit bc it’s 3am and she’s blasted and got distracted looking for food and asked for his birth chart. bc she does that with like EVERY guy pierce dates and then gets back to him on whether she thinks they’re a good match or not. he tells her it’s all bullshit but really he thinks it’s cute that she’s looking out for him

wears sweats and crop tops when he’s chilling in the apartment/the crib

he gets invited over to johnny’s and he hangs out a little before AISHA comes down the stairs and he’s like HUH??? bc he was a vice king, he thought she was dead. anyway they end up talking bc aisha loves meeting new people and they become fast friends. their shared love of music means they’re always in aisha’s home recording studio making songs. even if they can’t be released, it’s nice for aisha to be able to sing again, and pierce is more than honoured to be making music with an r&b star

when the saints become celebrities, pierce thrives. he becomes the official face of the saints, gets his own sublabel under ultor to produce music and work w artists. he also gets his own talent agency and scouts new actors/models for the saints/ultor brand. he’s rich, he’s doing what he loves, and to make sure he’s always happy, he surrounds himself with suckups and other celebrities. he throws parties constantly because he loves the good vibes and the attention and being the host and life of the party. but deep down it’s not satisfying at all. i don’t think he knows what he really wants

i know it’s a lil joke but i’m taking pierce saying he does voice acting work for video games as canon. he also guest dj’s a few times a week for the classical music radio station. makes guest appearances in sitcoms and tv shows, and sometimes reality shows (like when someone suddenly has lunch w their famous friend? he’s that friend)

he has his own line of suits sold in planet saints

#pierce washington #i probably have more but i can’t remember

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sanders-specs · 5 years ago

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Roman’s Playlist Analysis

A/N: So I wanted to take a crack at diving into Roman’s Playlist and analyzing it to the best of my abilities. how each song relates to Roman, his character, his part of Thomas. I thought about the story arc Thomas talked about and tried to put that together a little bit.

Now keep in mind this is just my interpretation of it. I could be completely wrong in my conclusions, and honestly I’m interested to know your thoughts if you disagree with me on anything.

I’m going to leave my basic tl;dr here because this is long as hell. I went into each song so it’s a long read. I’m also going to tag some people who seemed interested in this. I’d say if you were going to read any of the song analysis, to read the last three. they’re my favorite.

tag list: @viva-la-pluto @nonexistent-username @writingfeedsthedarkestones @such-as-we-are-made-such-we-be

Here’s the story of Roman’s playlist:

We start with some pretty obvious songs that show who Roman is. He’s a huge fan of Disney, gay, he loves Broadway and wants to be famous. He’s a hero, someone who will vanquish his foes and come out victorious! He has big dreams, and he’s determined to make them come true! He’s got high expectations, both for himself and for a future romantic partner. He’s confident, determined, sassy, and a huge diva.

Then we go a little deeper. He’s lonely, he’s desperate for love. He wants someone in his life. He wants to achieve his dreams so badly, but he has doubts. He’s unsure of himself. Both as a performer and as a lover. He’s unsure of his place among Thomas’s sides, if he’s important to them. He’s just really afraid, underneath it all. He’s so, so scared of possible failure, of letting Thomas down.

But he still wants to be the leader for the actors and singers and creators following him. He wants to show them that you can get back up again and take off after your dreams.

And then he decides that he wants to be the one to go after his dreams. really, truly, fully. He’s lonely, he’s scared of failure, but he doesn’t want to let that hold him back anymore.

Okay let’s start with the very first song on the playlist, A Gay Disney Prince.

So this one will be pretty obvious for everyone. Roman is a prince, Thomas is gay (ergo Roman is gay). Roman loves Disney. I would’ve been very confused if this song didn’t make it onto his playlist. I would’ve had to gotten through my social anxiety to ask them why. But they have it on there, so I don’t have to.

My interest lies in the fact that it’s the first song on there. Thomas said that while putting together to playlist, they were trying to make it like a story—a beginning, a climatic middle, and an end. So to start off with this song honestly makes a lot of sense to me.

Most kids walked through life but I sang and danced

… Everyone around me could see That Disney meant everything And as I grew up Disney did too

It starts with talking about Thomas (we’re going to talk mostly about Character Thomas, since in this context it feels a little weird to talk about Roman as if he wasn’t apart of a person) growing up loving music and Disney. So we’re starting from the beginning here, talking about when Thomas was younger. And as he grew up and his love of Disney did too, so did his realization of his sexuality. This song, as originally intended by (real) Thomas and Joan is that growing up as a gay man would have been a lot easier had Disney had that representation.

Disney don't shoot so straight You're in the musical scene --- A guy who likes guys who is still humanized in his Film! ---- Try the gay stuff, it's delicious! Please give us more than this bullshit Yeah, that's a bit screwy Makes me say Lefouey Put me in a film Gee, that would be swell --- Who is that prince I see? Very straight, unlike me

And then the stanza that really ties it all together: If only I'd had you in my early years I might have seemed less weird to my non-queer peers Who'd mature into parents, understanding and warm Knowing hetero-ever-after doesn't have to be the norm If they'd have seen

Someone like me

A gay Disney prince

Roman (C!Thomas) longs to have had that understanding as a child, to have that representation in the movies and songs and characters he loves so much. Roman is the side of hopes and dreams and romance. This one falls under the hope category, even though he is all grown up now, he still yearns to see a true gay Disney prince for that validation.

So we start simultaneously in Thomas’s childhood as well as him in the present. At least, the part that Roman cares the most about. Really who he wishes he could be.

Now onto the next song, Wonder Boy. Now, I know this is from a musical (appropriate), and one that I know next to nothing about, so I’m just going to go off the lyrics. Forgive me if I overlook something related to the plot of the show.

This song is one that highlights Roman’s need to be a hero.

High above the mucky-muck Castle made of clouds There sits Wonderboy Sitting oh so proudly

He wants to save the day! Concur the villain! Wonderboy is someone who sits above all and has all these powers to help him with this conquest!

The song goes on to talk about Wonderboy’s arch-nemisis, Nastyman, who has all these powers that make him on level with Wonderboy.

Now it's time for me to tell you about Young Nastyman Arch-rival and nemesis of Wonderboy With powers comparable to Wonderboy What powers you ask? I don't know how about the power of flight That do anything for ya? That's levitation, holmes How about the power to kill a yak From 200 yards away With mind-bullets That's telekinesis, Kyle How about the power To move you

Reminds ya a bit of Roman and Virgil huh? Roman is able to have a very big influence on Thomas. He literally holds Thomas’s hopes and dreams and everything he wants to do with his life. Virgil, on the other hand, can stop Thomas from achieving those dreams out of fear. He can be louder than Roman, get Thomas’s attention easier, make Thomas pay attention to him.

It’s interesting to me that in the song, Wonderboy and Nastyman end up joining forces in the end. It reminds me a little of Accepting Anxiety and Moving On, when Roman has to accept the fact that he has to work with Virgil in order for Thomas to be successful. He “joined forces” with the “villain” in order to be “victorious.” Well Wonderboy and Young Nastyman joined forces They formed a band the likes of which had never been seen And they called themselves Tenacious D That's right

Oh Take my hand Young Nastyman And we'll fly Bring out your broadsword There's the Hydra Slice his throat And grab his scrot' You take the high road I'll take the low

In the end, Roman learned that Virgil not only helps Thomas a lot, but works well with him in order for Thomas to create as well as he does. The “bring out your bradsword/there’s a Hydra/Slice his throat” part, to me, in the context of Roman, shows that he’s handing some of the control—and the glory—to Virgil. He’s letting Virgil help and working with him, like a team in a fantasy story learning to work together and finally finding how they work as a team.

And now…Disney Princess.

I love this song. It cracks me up. I think Thomas had it on one of his monthly playlists and that’s how I found it, but I love it so much. I’m so glad it’s on this playlist.

This song is chock full of satire. they take the ridiculous parts of the movies and put them in the song. And seeing as this comes after the Wonderboy song, you could honestly draw a comparison to The Dark Side of Disney which is really the first time Roman realizes he actually has something in common with Virgil, the supposed villain. It’s got the same kind of sarcasm that Virgil adopts in that video with the movies.

But there’s also a bit of wistfulness in it, because, yeah, the Disney princesses are the stars of Disney. The princes didn’t get a couple of cameos in the second Wreck-It-Ralph movie that Disney over-sold. As ridiculous as the situations the princesses went through at times, they do all have these amazing abilities and experiences.

If I were a Disney Princess I would have everything at my fingertips

---

And I wish I could be a Disney Princess So I could fight the Mongolian army

---

I could cry life saving tears I could resurrect dead men with my tears

Mulan, I wanna be you So that I could have a sassy dragon I want a sassy dragon

The song also makes it clear that they want all the good stuff that comes with being a Disney Princess. The attention, the powers, highfiving the ocean.

Also sassy dragon. We all want a sassy dragon in our lives.

I can see how Roman would hear this song and relate to it. Circling back to the first song, there’s no prince out there he can relate to, so he projects onto the heroines, the princesses. They always get the man, after all.

Then there’s this las verse, which I think is the most Roman out of the entire song.

I wanna be a Disney Princess And if I were I'd take no recess to spread the warmth and love It's the best way to live your life I'd be a handsome man's wife And we'd kiss, and we'd kiss, and we'd kiss it’s full of wistfulness and is really the only verse in the song that is more positive and not as sarcastic. Not only that, but it’s romantic as well. Replace wife with husband and you’ve got one of Roman’s biggest dreams: to find the [second] most handsomest prince in the world.

Broadway Here I Come!

From the brief research I did, this is a song from a musical TV series. I’m not going to go too much into it’s original context. And if you’re triggered by sensitive material, I suggest you don’t look it up either.

So in this song, it’s another pretty obvious Roman song. It talks about wanting to be on Broadway, to be famous, to be known, and how hard that success is. For any musical theater performer, Broadway is the ultimate goal. For someone like Roman, who does crave that success and fame, this song is almost like his cries of longing for it.

It shows how hard it is to make it. To be known and gain that success, and how even though some make it look easy, it’s actually very hard.

See I've been bravin' crazy weather Drownin' out my cries I pull myself together I'm focused on the prize

---

The people all are pointing I bet they'd never guess That the saint that they're anointing Is frightened of the mess But even though I fear it I'm playin' all my cards

It’s also got this hopefulness in it. Like the singer has no doubt that they’re going to make it. But there’s also some doubt. Will they still be the same person? Or will they change dramatically?

Will I remain the same, or will I change a little bit? Will I feel broken or totally complete? Will I retain my name when I'm the biggest, hugest hit? Or will I blend in with the rest of the street?

Roman, as much as he acts heroic and like he fears nothing, wants nothing more than to be known, be given the validation, to show off his talents. He knows he’s good, he knows he’s got what it takes, but it’s hard for him to get there. Maybe even to have the confidence to get there. People have to like him in order for him to have all that. They have to like his ideas, his talents. Without their validation, Thomas can’t succeed. Roman can’t succeed.

On to Hallelujah. No, not the amazing Jeff Buckly song (though this song is pretty amazing and catchy).

This one kinda ties in with the last one. It talks about wanting to be someone, wanting to be super star. And having people doubt that, even your own family. Also being inspired by other artist and the creations they make.

I heard it on the radio On my way back home That I'm gonna be someone I guess it was a song they wrote Saying don’t go slow 'Cause you're gonna be someone

--- Some days I don’t think my momma thinks I'm good enough to be a superstar But one day I will show her I'm a diamond in the rough, I'll be a superstar

It also throws that doubt in their faces. It kinda hints that their doubt only makes them want to succeed even more.

'Cause there's a crown Covered in glitter and gold I'm gonna wear it, whether you like it or not Yeah, there's a crown Covered in glitter and gold I’m gonna wear it, whether you like it or not And I’ll be singing Halle-halle-halle-halle-halle-hallelujah Halle-hallelujah Whether you like it or not

Also, no, I’m not going to ignore the ‘there’s a crown covered in glitter and gold’. Give Roman a glittery gold crown 2020.

But yeah, it really goes with the previous song. It matches the theme of Roman wanting to be famous, wanting Thomas to be famous and known. To wear that crown, no matter what anyone else says. No matter what they think, or how much they believe in him. It goes against the doubt in the last song, but don’t we all have those moments of doubt, then confidence, then doubt again? Our confidence can wavier and surge just as much as our anxiety.

Holding Out For A Hero. Ah, what a great song. Still should have been the Shrek 2 version because man could I have made some comparisons, but oh well.

So here we’ve taken a break from the dreams part and gone back to the hope and romance part. This song is pretty self-explanatory. The singer is looking for a partner who will be, well, their hero to come rescue them.

Now, I’m not sure if the intention for the inclusion of this song was that Roman would be that hero, if he is also waiting for that hero, or a bit of both. He is very save-the-damsel-in-distress type of prince archetype after all. But I wouldn’t be surprised if he wants a prince who matches his own heroic ideals and who would treat him the same. It also says a little something about his standards. He won’t let Thomas settle for just anyone. He’s got to be perfect (Roman’s standards of perfect, anyway).

Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods? Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and I turn, and I dream of what I need I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night He's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast And he's gotta be fresh from the fight I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light He's gotta be sure, and it's gotta be soon And he's gotta be larger than life Somewhere after midnight in my wildest fantasy Somewhere just beyond my reach, there's someone reaching back for me Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat It's gonna take a Superman to sweep me off my feet

Yes, I had to include the entire first part of the song. I honestly feel like it sums up Roman’s standards pretty well. He won’t settle for anything less than superman or Hercules himself.

On the other hand, it could be Roman’s standards for himself as well. He has to be that Superman, the savior of all those in trouble and be the dashing white knight. Just as he holds his talents up to high standards, he holds his entire self up to high standards (his…part of the personality?). His actions, his thoughts, his ideas. Everything has to be perfect. He has to be the hero to everyone around him.

If I Dare is so fucking beautiful. Sara Bareilles has such a pretty voice.

I love the message in it too. It’s such a strong “fuck off and watch me” song.

Which, you know, also goes with Roman. It ties in well with Hallelujah. It follows the same themes of people doubting the singer, and the singer basically saying “hold my purse” and going to prove their doubters wrong.

This song is basically saying, dare to hold yourself to higher standards than what others hold you to. Dare to do more than what you thought you could, because you really can surprise yourself.

Seriously just really listen to this song, it’s so empowering. I’m literally going to leave most of the lyrics, aside from the repeating ones. It’s so fucking great.

If I dare to ask it, then I dare it to be true If I dare to risk it, then I know that I'm willing to If I dare to want this, to want more than I have Then I dare to believe I'll have it in the end You climbed the mountain, sent pictures of the view And still can't believe when I started climbing, too You haven't heard that I'm not afraid to fall That I'm not deterred yet until I tell them all I am holding out for more than what I have now I'm holding out I don't want your pity, I won't use your little scraps I don't build my cities with what could get taken back I don't need permission to rise up when it hurts You don't have to listen, but you'll hear me Mark my words When the room gets dark, and I am quiet There's a voice that's soft, like someone's silhouette Saying, "Don't let me go yet" If I dare to ask it, then I dare it to be true (Believe me, I will be) If I dare to risk it, then I know that I'm willing to If I dare to want this, to want more than i have (Believe me, I will be) Then I dare to believe I'll have it in the end

If you can’t tell, I love this song.

It’s got such a confidence surge in it. It also goes with my last point in Holding Out for a Hero of Roman holding himself to high standards. Not only does he want to be a hero to others, and he’s not going to settle for any less, he’s not going to let anyone stop him. He’s not going to let the doubt, the fear, of others influence him. He’s going to take their pity and doubt and use it to make him stronger. He’s going to hold himself to these standards and take his own fate into his hands and be like Merida (no not go on a psychedelic trip with a bear, but good memory). He is going to be the gay Disney prince he needed so much for himself.

Go the Distance continues the “I’ll do what I want” theme. And I don’t mean that in an angsty teen kinda way. Just in a “You can’t strike down my confidence” kind of way.

Now, the tone of this song, while heroic and hopeful, is also a little softer than the others, so it kinda feels like it doesn’t fit, but the lyrics and meaning of it does.

Hercules is probably the closest Disney has to a Disney Prince being the main character of the movie (having the movie named after him, going into his backstory first, all that jazz). At least off the top of my head. He at the very least is the closest to having a hero song akin to Let it Go, Almost there, How Far I’ll Go, Show Yourself etc. (yes, Elsa’s on there twice. Yes, I know she’s not technically a princess, but she also has some pretty badass songs in what is technically considered Disney Princess movies).

And, I mean, it’s an incredibly hopeful song. Hercules is going out to prove himself, to show that he can be the hero he was born to be. I can see how that is something Roman would look to. How he can relate to.

It also goes along with the idea of wanting to be known and seen. Recognized for what you do.

I have often dreamed of a far-off place Where a great, warm welcome will be waiting for me Where the crowds will cheer when they see my face

The song is also about finding your place, where you feel like you should be. About keeping up hope as you go through the paths to where you need to be. Where that “hero’s welcome” will be waiting. Hercules feels like an outsider, like he doesn’t belong, so he’s searching for that place.

I'll be there someday, I can go the distance I will find my way, if I can be strong I know every mile, will be worth my while When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong

We all feel like that sometimes. Like we’re trying to find our place in the world. In the context of Roman, he’s in the middle of searching for that place. He wants Thomas to be in a place where he feels like he belongs, where he feels welcomed and embraced. In the theater world, maybe. Or YouTube. Maybe even Hollywood. Somewhere he can flourish, really show what he’s capable of, what Roman knows he’s capable of. But also where he doesn’t have to hide who he is, be it a different part of his talents or his sexuality. Roman wants Thomas to be in a place where people will embrace all of Roman.

And he’s going to find it. He’s going to do what it takes to get there.

Flamboyant is a fun one. This one delves into who Roman is, the kind of character that he is, rather than what he encompasses in Thomas. At least, that’s the way I see it. I’m sure if roman were the only side there, then, well, Thomas would just be Roman.

Looking at the lyrics and thinking back on the previous songs, this one makes me think that even though Roman wants (needs) people to like him, he also wants to be unapologetically himself. Extravagance and all.

Don't tell me what to do Don't tell me what to say You know I like it loud 'Cause that's the only way No taste for subtlety And no time for restraint No, I go all the way

I think we can all agree that this pretty much sums up Roman and the energy he gives off. We saw him in Virgil’s room. In Patton’s. Subtly is not something he’s very good at and he’s not very good with taking other people’s opinions (or suggestions) when it comes to his ideas or his work.

You always see me putting on a show I entertain until it's time to go

He’s always playing up the prince role. The actor role. He doesn’t tone it down. The fancy phrases, the exaggerated movement, the way he dresses.

At least until he thinks no one’s looking.

Alllllright now we’re getting into the love songs. Or…lust songs? Is that a category?

Okay, look, I’m ace, sex repulsed, and clueless at times. I’ll do my best here. But looking at the next few songs, it’s not a very happy story.

Jumpstarted is a song that I honestly can’t really pin down what it’s about. It’s catchy, for sure. I love the harmonies in it. But I can’t tell if it’s a love song or has a different meaning that I’m not going to delve into.

But in Roman’s case, it seems like a song that screams love. Roman is a part of Thomas that falls in love easily. He’s romance, after all (and, yes, lust. Remus too). So this song shows how easily he falls, and how easily those fantasies of romance can take hold.

As two hearts started dancing A new story begins

---

To the races, got my love jumpstarted The only one I want is you (Say it again, hey!) I hear the bells, and they're ringing already Four kids and a big ol' wedding, singing "You" (Say it again, hey!) Now as I make the long walk home You got me feeling like an overdose, singing (You)

Thomas is a romantic. Roman is proof enough of that. In Moving On, he’s coming up with all these wild ideas to get Thomas’s ex back. In other videos when they talk about love, he always expresses the most wistful reaction (or overdramatic. Or, well, both). Thomas sees one cute guy and Roman is already planning the next five years of their lives together. Not only does he want the romance, he craves it, so the tiny semblance of it has him running headlong into it.

And your gravity, my depravity won't take my advice (So nice) I never run while I still (Can)

Brave New Girl makes me think that this shows a wilder side of Roman. I suppose if there’s any side of Thomas who likes to part, it’d be Roman.

Also reckless.

Brave New Girl is a song that seems like it’s about someone who is new to the world, maybe a little naïve, but still out to have a good time. It’s reminiscent of your classic collage story. A freshman girl away from home for the first time and embracing the “collage life.” Parties, hook ups, your stereotypical definition of having fun (in the case of collage movies and such).

She wants a good time, no need to rewind She needs to really, really find what she wants She lands on both feet, won't take a back seat There's a brave new girl, and she's coming out tonight

Roman out of everyone else is the side that would really push Thomas to just let go, have fun. Maybe if Thomas wasn’t so introverted, he would be able to meet the love of his life. Maybe if Thomas didn’t hold himself back (or I suppose if Logan and Virgil didn’t hold him back) then they could have more fun and accomplish his dreams. And meet the love of his life!

This could also be reminiscent of Thomas’s coming out? It’s not something I want to try to “analyze” because that’s something personal to Thomas and also not something I’m too familiar with. I don’t really want to step on any toes. But with the song talking about a new person entering the world, and “uncovering [their] eyes” I thought to mention it here. After all, it would be after that that Roman really would get the chance to be fully himself.

Every Boy is very self explanatory. It’s just Roman being gay.

‘I just wanna kiss every boy in the world’ is repeated so many times, ya’ll. Like at this point you’ve probably listened to it, but that one phrase takes up most of the song.

It’s very much showing Thomas’s sexuality, because again, that’s a big part of Roman since he encompasses romance and sexuality.

It also shows a lot of wistfulness, because Thomas is single and doesn’t have a boy to kiss. Even the tone in the song kinda reflects that. He’s lonely he just wants to kiss a boy. All the boys. In the world.

But yeah Thomas really likes boys. Roman really really likes boys.

Okay now we’re just to the point of Roman being sassy.

Primadonna definition: a very temperamental person with an inflated view of their own talent or importance.

Sound like someone we know?

The song, Primadonna, really just reminds me again of Roman and how he acts and presents himself.

Living life like I'm in a play In the limelight I want to stay I know I've got a big ego I really don't know why it's such a big deal though

---

All I ever wanted was the world I can't help that I need it all The primadonna life, the rise and fall You say that I'm kinda difficult But it's always someone else's fault

The song also goes back to the whole Roman doing what he can to achieve his dreams, in a way. He is going to do what he can to get what he wants, but he doesn’t want to change who he is in order to get there. These last few songs really show that too, I think. The first songs, while showing longing for his hopes and dreams, these are showing that Roman honestly isn’t afraid to be himself. He’s out and proud, he’s got an ego (he is an ego), he’s sassy, extravagant, maybe a bit high matinance, and he doesn’t want to or plan to change for anyone.

Though…

King kinda has an exception.

Remember how I said Roman falls in love easily?

Yeah, this song kinda shows how that can go wrong. He clings to his loves, we’ve seen it. His refusal to let go of Thomas’s ex really shows that. Of course, there are lot of layers to that, but Roman was just as guilty about making Thomas (Patton) hold on to the hope of winning him back.

And, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh I was a king under your control And, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh I wanna feel like you've let me go

Maybe in this case it means that Roman (Thomas) felt that perhaps his ex did have some semblance of control over him still. He must have, if Thomas was still thinking about him.

I don’t want to reach too far with this comparison. Thomas left the details of his ex pretty vague. But still, it’s the only reason I can think of that this song would be on the playlist. Or the fact that Roman, while very forward and dramatic, can fall under the gaze of a pretty guy.

Cheap Queen is a song I had to look into a bit to understand it. Cheap queen is “a drag term for someone who is resourceful, who makes something out of nothing, who is a creator on a budget” (this is coming from the singer). While Roman isn’t a drag queen, he would take inspiration from them, and that definition can describe the kind of creator Roman is.

But there are some lyrics here that put in the context of Roman make me think that it shows more of his doubts.

I've been alright I've just been doing the same shit I've always liked (Smiling for the audience) Like smoking and movies and homies who bring me wine I've been going out too much (Queen) And talking 'bout myself too much (Oh, smiling for the audience)

Side thought: This song feels very…1920’s actress smoking in a green room vibes.

Why? I have no idea. Maybe it’s the background audio.

But it makes me think about this diva in a swing dress, a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

Yeah, I watch too much TV.

I can be good sometimes I'm a cheap queen I can be what you like And I can be bad sometimes I'm a real queen I can make grown men cry

Something about this verse makes me think that it’s a bit of Roman trying to prove himself? To himself, to the others, to his audience. While still trying to keep up his persona. Again, he wants people to like him, to like what he does. He is Thomas’s ego after all. He wants to please the masses.

Humility is where we get real.

So far, I think we’ve gone from who Roman is on the surface and slowly dug down. We’ve seen his insecurities, his hopes, his dreams, his more sexy side, his desperate side.

Now we’re seeing the lonely side.

Calling the world from isolation 'Cause right now, that's the ball where we be chained

---

I'm the lonely twin, the left hand Reset myself and get back on track I don't want this isolation See the state I'm in now?

Now I this verse isn’t intentionally targeting towards Roman, complete with the twin part, then I don’t know why it would be on this playlist. He feels isolated. Romantically, socially. Perhaps even among the sides. Look at the point where we are right now in the series. He had to give up on a huge dream with the callback. He’s being put on the back burner, Remus—the side he said is everything he doesn’t want to be—is now known to Thomas which means he has to deal with him even more.

If I pick it up when I know that it's broken Do I put it back? Or do I head out onto the lonesome trail And let you down?

I think he’s scared of letting Thomas down. Of not reaching the goals he sets out for them, of Logan being right. That the path Thomas is on is not one that is right for him. So he’s alone and scared and doubting himself and doing everything he can not to show it

Following that, Ain’t Got it Like That shows a bit of self-understanding, if I phrased that right?

Roman knows that he’s the only one of the sides who really wants these hopes and dreams for Thomas. Patton wants Thomas to be happy, so sure he supports Roman, but if Thomas were to listen to Logan or Deceit (and suppress Roman, his true hopes and dreams), then he would support them too.

One in a million, maybe it's me The chances of winning are slimmer than three Moving and shaking and makin' it happen Producing and singing while people was trappin' Chasing a dream and living for free A whole lotta people help the hell out of me A job ain't the move, I'm just a musician I followed the path, continued the mission

Roman’s going to continue being himself, doing his job, and trying to make himself heard. Even if he’s lonely and has self-confidence issues. He’s nothing if not determined. And as the song says, “a whole lotta people help the hell out of me.”

One thing Thomas has is friends and family who support and encourage him. They help to feed into what Roman wants and helps to give him the reassurance that he needs that he’s on the right path.

I got soul and a whole lotta songs I get love even if I'm dead wrong And I know that I got what I need Even when I don't got what I want

Roman is convinced he’s right. Look at how hard he fought Logan during their episode. He knows he can be wrong, he knows he’s not perfect, but he also knows that when it comes to the path Thomas is on, he is right and he is at least confidant in that fact.

Look I've thinking that I'm at the limit The fact I need money with all my decisions I want it all and all, I'll admit it If you never had it, I know that you get it They say that everything ain't gold, but damn I mean, I... wanna little of my own I'm sayin' that I know that (I know that) They say that pressure makes diamonds But I just wanna pay my bills on time

I feel like this song really shows that he understands that being a singer and performer is hard and definitely not the easy way out. The is really the only song here that talks about money. It’s hard to make it as a performer. YouTuber, actor, you name it. Roman knows this, but that doesn’t stop him from dreaming and being determined to go after those dreams.

God I love these last three songs

Do you guys have those set of songs that are like your inspirational songs? Ones that really make you feel good and the lyrics really speak to you and make you want to really go after what you want? Songs of hope. They sometimes make you cry if you think about the lyrics too much.

I feel like those are these songs for Roman. Or maybe I’m just projecting.

Dreamer is another song where I might just have all the lyrics here, because the entire song just feels like Roman talking to himself. Reminding himself of all these things.

Dream, little dreamer Don't care what they say Don't let the pain of their failure Tear you away

The other Sides. Logan, mainly. The naysayers on YouTube, the old friends who don’t believe in him. The people around him who fail at what he’s trying to do. He can’t let that get to him. He can’t let them get into his head. He has to keep going.

You can do anything What would you do if I told you You would always succeed

He has to remember that he can do anything. Thomas is capable of anything.

And well we're afraid of the same things Scared to end up alone Scared that no one will remember our names And well we're afraid of the same things Scared to try and to fail Scared our best isn't good enough

This really circles back to some of the middle songs. He wants to be remembered, known. He’s afraid he’s going to fail. That Thomas will not only not achieve his dreams, but that he will be alone through it all. Not even a shoulder to cry on. He scared of that failure. Scared of letting Thomas down. And through that…Thomas is scared of letting himself down.

Dream like you won't fail Sing like no one's there Dance like you don't care

And I mean you really have to. If you think too much about that failure, that fear, then it can hinder you. You have to move through life like you’re going to achieve your dreams, that no one can hold you back, not even yourself.

Even if you are scared. Even if you do really, really care.

Don't fear, little dreamer You'll get there one day And I know that it's scary But you'll succeed

Don't fear, little dreamer Let them hear you sing What would you do if I told you That we'll always believe

He has to remind himself of all of this. This support, this encouragement, is something every creator needs. It’s the fuel that keeps us going. So having this, in just a song, is so important for him.

And we all Oh we question the same things Why does life seem unfair Why does loneliness hurt so much

This part really highlights Roman’s feelings. Again, he’s lonely in this. He feels like life is unfair, that a wedding is getting it the way of achieving a dream he’s so close to.

And we all Oh we question the same things What is my purpose in life Why does love never seem like enough

I don’t really have too much to add to this one. I feel like it’s something that stands by itself. I can really see how Roman feels this way, asking himself these same questions.

---

You're exceptional You're original So stay true to your soul Don't let them take that away You're magnificent You're sensational And the dreams that you're dreaming will surely come true one day

More reminders that he needs to tell himself. That he needs to remember. He can’t let the doubters hold him back from his dreams. He can’t let the setbacks stop him.

I can imagine Roman having this song on when he’s feeling down. When the weight of all his failures and his loneliness feel like too much. I can picture him hanging on to every lyric, learning them and memorizing them so call on later when he starts to feel those doubts again.

Dream, little dreamer

This next song makes me cry.

Paving the Runway (You’re Gonna Fly) is so fucking good. It’s so pretty. The piano is gorgeous, the message is beautiful, it’s so soft. I love it a lot.

Okay, anyway.

This is another one that is there for encouragement. A reminder not to give up. Not even when your wings are broken and battered.

Go after your dreams, as crazy as they may seem Go chase all the stars in the sky Baby, I'll be paving the runway 'Cause I know that one day you're gonna fly Darling, stand on my shoulders Up where it's carefree, simple and good Baby, soon you'll be older You will reach higher than I ever could If ever your wings, are tired and broken things Can't see through the tears in your eyes Baby, I'll be paving the runway 'Cause I know that one day you're gonna fly

I can see Roman being tired. His job is not an easy one. He wants so much for himself, for Thomas, but it’s so hard. The rejections, the mistakes, the hardwork going into a project only for it to not do well. It’s enough to beat you down, flood you with doubts.

Think about the songs leading up to this. Growing up without seeing yourself in your favorite movies, trying so hard to work towards his dreams of singing and acting. Trying so hard to find love, only for it to be just as hard. being in this lonely place where he feels like he’s working by himself, not even the other sides really helping him (Patton being an exception at times, but even then, when it came to wedding vs callback, Patton went with wedding).

This is a song I think Roman would really need after all of that.

Another thing I like to think about with this, though, is that Roman is the one singing it to others. He’s been there, he knows what it’s like. He’s got bandaged wings that are still strong. He wants to be able to pave the runway for those coming after him. He wants to be a beacon of light for actors and singers and creators who were once or still are in his position, taking their hand, and helping them up, getting them running, and watching them fly towards their own dreams.

Maybe it’s a mixture of both. Maybe he’s not going to be the first gay Disney prince, but he can sure as hell make way for him, wherever he may be, while still going after his own dreams.

Now, imagine:

Roman is watching these other creators, all flying off towards their dreams. he take a deep breath and starts running himself.

GO is the song that plays as he takes off with his own bandaged and tattered wings.

Why are you waiting for Another open door You've seen it all before GO Exit stage left Lay your act to rest Don't second guess GO Do Do Do Do Do Do, Do Do

The fear within Has held you hostage Break free and live

Roman has been doubting himself. He’s been scared and lonely and not sure if what he’s doing, what he wants, is right.

He wants to think it is. No, he knows it is. So why is he holding himself back? He needs to just go, to do it.

I like that this song leaves it off with an ending, but not one that just ends, if that makes sense. Roman is off, going after his dreams. he picked himself back up and he’s off. What is he going to do next? Where is his next destination? Well, we’ll just have to wait and see.

#roman sanders #sanders sides #long post #roman's playlist analysis #remus sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #thomas sanders

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prettywordsyouleft · 5 years ago

Text

Worthy

Prompt: #65 & #142 for anon – “I don’t deserve to be loved.” + “My favourite person in the world is standing right in front of me.”

Anonymous said:

Drabble request: 65 & 142 with Kihyun from MX?

Pairing: Yoo Kihyun x reader (ft. Lee Minhyuk)

Genre: friends to lovers au / angst / romance / self-growth

Warnings: complex relationship and personal feelings make this a little more mature than I usually write.

Word count: 3506

Stirring, you glanced at the time on your phone and inwardly cursed, you had fallen asleep after all. Glancing at the man behind you, following his outstretched arm all the way to where his hand rested over your waist loosely, you gingerly lifted it, attempting to slide out of his grip.

He groaned and pulled you closer, nestling into your bare back. “Don’t go.”

“I have to get home, I have work in the morning,” you explained quietly, but your words were enough to interrupt the remnants of his slumber, his eyes opening with the heavy sigh that fanned across your cheek.

“You know we could solve this issue of ours.”

“It wouldn’t be an issue if I hadn’t have fallen asleep,” you replied, but he held you still, not accepting your premature departure. Kissing your shoulder softly, he then kissed his way back up to your ear.

“Why don’t you just store some things here?”

“As in..?”

“You could move in with me,” he offered demurely, and a cold panic consumed you. Pulling his arm off with less care as before, you immediately reached over the side of the bed to collect your strewn garments.

He watched you from behind. “Why don’t you want to move in with me, baby?”

“I like having my space.”

“I’m not home all the time.”

That had been something you liked about this connection. Jake travelled a lot and so you didn’t feel as if you were weighed down by any expectations.

Until now.

“I’m happy living where I am.”

Jake attempted to capture your gaze but you avoided him, ducking for your socks and placing them over your feet roughly. He sighed again. “Are you scared to move in with me?”

“No, because I don’t want to.” Your defensive tone stunned him into silence and despite how much your heart was thudding in your chest, you tried to ease your approach. “We’re not really in that kind of relationship, right?”

“What kind of relationship is this meant to be, Y/N?” Jake wondered you stared back at him, chewing your bottom lip in thought.

It was meant to be one where you wouldn’t feel entrapped. You were no good at relationships and so you had been picky about who you spent your time with. It wasn’t that you didn’t like Jake, he was a great guy. He helped fill the void of loneliness but left you with enough independence that you could do your own thing. It had been working this well for eight months now, without any established role to what this exactly was. Clearly, he had been on a different wavelength than you had been.

Smiling weakly, you leaned in to kiss him on the cheek before departing his bedroom and apartment soon after. You could already feel the end of your connection before you left the apartment complex.

You chose to remain alone after everything fell apart with Jake. He had tried one more time to convince you around, and you had fled altogether, messaging him that it was no longer working for you.

It never did.

You didn’t want to admit that you were afraid of commitment, but that was exactly your problem. You had experienced the feeling of being in love. True, vulnerable, and soul-completing love. And instead of meeting your happily ever after, you came home to find a friend in your place in the bedroom, horrified that the people you had trusted with every part of you could shatter you into a thousand pieces so easily. You vowed to never allow a man your heart again. The only person you could trust to care for its fragility was yourself and so you had adopted a belief that being single suited you just fine.

And then you would get swept up in the throes of passion with someone, enjoying the feeling of in that moment being the only person they craved. You had tried to accept that someone else might not break you again, yet every time someone tried to define what they had with you, or progress further into living together like Jake had, you ran as fast as you could. The panic wouldn’t settle until you were safely away and alone again.

You didn’t like that you couldn’t commit but you weren’t prepared to drop your standards either. You had long lost the respect for your childhood dreams of meeting the man of your dreams and experiencing a fairytale love.

Because that didn’t exist in this lifetime.

“Are you seriously going to be alone forever?” your friend Minhyuk exclaimed, shaking his head disapprovingly at you. “Y/N, you’re a great catch!”

“I don’t want the mess that comes with relationships,” you told him pointedly and smiled up at the person who placed your drink in front of you.

Kihyun shunted Minhyuk before sitting down. “Y/N isn’t a fish.”

“You know what I was meaning, both of you do,” he chided with a roll of his eyes and you smirked at Kihyun before taking a sip of your drink. Minhyuk groaned. “Why do I have two friends who are useless in the love department?!”

“Hey! I’m not useless!” Kihyun cried and you laughed.

“And I don’t care for love unless it’s self-love. Then you can load me all up!”

Minhyuk scoffed loudly. “You’ll regret that when you find yourself as a miserable maid when all your friends are married around you. Even Kihyun will eventually find someone and-”

“WOULD YOU CUT IT OUT?!” Kihyun smacked Minhyuk around the back of his head and you erupted with laughter again.

You didn’t need to find someone to cure the loneliness now that you had these two in your life. Moving cities had been daunting, as had your first day in the office of your job. Being seated between Minhyuk and Kihyun had eased all your concerns. Minhyuk was the energy maker, keeping you laughing throughout every shift. And Kihyun was the best to work on projects with. You had established an easy working ethic that had stemmed into a reliable friendship. You hadn’t felt this validated as a human in years.

But you weren’t ready to risk all the work you had done so far getting to this point with your old habits either.

With a few more drinks in your system, and Minhyuk’s incessant whining about your lack of dating skills, you let out a heavy breath, pointing vaguely in his direction. “Enough! I don’t deserve to be loved. Focus on your own love life!”

“What rubbish is that?!” he wailed back, slinging his arm around Kihyun’s neck and shaking the silent man roughly. “Did you hear that?”

“Mm, Y/N doesn’t deserve love.”

“But she does!” Minhyuk flailed his free hand around dangerously and you watched it, moving your head along with the vigorous action. “You do!”

“If I did, he wouldn’t have cheated on me,” you admitted, the liquid courage lending you the words you had craved to speak up to someone over all these years. It felt liberating to finally utter it to someone without any judgement. “I was a good girlfriend!”

“And you can be again, I know it!” Minhyuk agreed, looking at Kihyun for back up. The other male simply stared at you, expression unreadable.

You hiccupped and shook your head. “I won’t ever take the risk of trusting another man with this heart of mine. They don’t deserve it!”

“Even if they will look after it well?” Kihyun finally spoke and you glanced back at him, realising he wasn’t nearly as drunk as you and Minhyuk were. His gaze bore deep inside of you, searching for the answers your brain couldn’t quite bring forth in your current state. You blinked slowly, feeling panicked by the way he watched you.

And just as quick as he had turned his attention to you, Kihyun smiled and pulled Minhyuk up to his feet. “We’re drunk. Let’s go home, hm?”

Nothing was said about your confession when you were all lucid. Yet over the weeks since uttering it, you felt things between you and Kihyun change. It wasn’t obvious, the subtle nuances cropping up when you least expected it. He had always been courteous towards you, and had you not been treated poorly in the past, you would have recognised his charms as a man. Minhyuk was forever teasing his friend because he wasn’t actively seeking out a girlfriend whenever he had free time to like he was. But you believed Kihyun was definitely interested in finding someone.

She just had to be the right match.

“Minhyuk’s ditching us again,” you told Kihyun in the elevator on the way down to get coffees for the department and Kihyun glanced at you, smirking.

“Why does it still surprise you? He’s got it into his head that he’ll meet the love of his life and be married with kids by thirty-five. He needs to find her soon if he wants to keep to his structured timeline.”

“I actually admire his life plan.”

“Did you ever have one?”

Glancing at Kihyun, you thought back to how that had gone for you. Smiling sadly, you nodded. “Once.”

“The one you talked about that night?” With another look in his direction, he gave you a wry smile. “I remember. Did you want me to forget it?”

“It was the first time I told someone why I avoid relationships,” you stated softly and stepped out onto the ground floor. When you were both out of the building, you sighed. “I’m glad you remember.”

Silence walked between you both, neither saying the words needed to continue the topic. Just as you saw the coffee store come into sight, Kihyun stepped in front of you, giving you one of his eye-reaching smiles. “Do you want to do something tonight? We could go see a movie or get food.”

“That awfully sounds like a date,” you teased and Kihyun gauged your reaction, no humour evident in his face. Your smile waned. “Is… is it?”

“It doesn’t have to be anything other than what I said it as, a movie to watch and food to eat.”

You hesitated, looking up into his warm eyes. Kihyun always made you feel comfortable in his company. Smiling, you nodded. “I’ll buy the popcorn.”

It had been a bad idea.

Once seated in the darkened theatre with Kihyun, you felt your heart begin to pound in your chest, anticipating a move made by him. You were used to this, meeting up with men at a movie normally ended up with more caresses of hands in places than eyes on the screen watching the show. It was a stone throw away from ending up back at his house or yours, with mouths entangled as clothing fell to the floor. You swallowed; it had been all too long since you had done such a thing.

And yet, Kihyun did nothing to entice you to his side. He smiled at you when his hand reached into the popcorn at the same time as yours and then back to the movie, more interested in that than you. You weren’t offended, nor were you relieved. It was hard to judge what reaction you should have in such a foreign atmosphere.

You realised you hadn’t done anything with a friend in forever. Then again, when your ex had cheated on you, it had been with one of your closest friends. You had shut the door on them just as much as you had on love.

You sighed; this wasn’t how you had wanted to spend your life.

“The movie was good, huh?” Kihyun suggested afterwards and you smiled weakly up at him, nodding once. He wasn’t convinced. “What was your favourite part?”

“I uh….”

“You can’t tell me because you weren’t present in that theatre room, you know,” he mentioned, stepping off ahead of you a little. You jogged to catch up, now stepping outside into the darkened night air.

“I’m sorry, it’s just, I’m not very good at being a friend sometimes.”

“I think you are,” Kihyun corrected, turning to face you. He placed his hands on your shoulders and gave them a squeeze. “I think you’re capable of being so much more than you allow yourself to be too.”

Was this his way of hitting on you? Your mind was confused and you didn’t know what to expect anymore. Things would be much easier to decipher if Minhyuk was here.

“Do you wanna skip the food? I’ll take you home,” he announced, unlocking his car.

The ride was silent as you sat there overthinking everything. What was Kihyun’s motive? Friendship? Something more? Had he really just wanted to spend time with you since Minhyuk was busy? Or would he have suggested this even if your mutual friend was available too?

You decided you had no idea of how to control anything in this world you now lived. It was different in your last home. You had intentions and you fulfilled them. When you came here, you assumed you would continue on that solo path through life. You hadn’t expected to make friends with Minhyuk or Kihyun so effortlessly.

And that’s why you were misconstruing everything about tonight.

The car came to a halt outside your apartment complex and you unbuckled your seat, however, you remained unmoving. “Kihyun… what did tonight mean to you?”

“It meant a movie and maybe some food, why?”

“So as friends?” He let out a shaky breath which garnered your attention, and you turned to look at him. Those were eyes you had seen before in other men. You couldn’t tell if you liked the expression that resided there or not. “Something more?”

“I like you, Y/N,” he confessed simply, nodding to himself as he smiled sadly. “But you don’t like yourself enough to let me in.”

“I like myself,” you responded, a little surprised by his conclusion. “I just don’t trust others.”

“Because someone who didn’t deserve your love hurt you, I get it. But I’m not him, I’m not going to hurt you,” he assured and as you stared into his eyes, you knew he believed in his statement. You smiled; Kihyun would definitely make someone giddily happy to have as their boyfriend. You then let your smile fall away.

You couldn’t let him be your boyfriend.

“I had a nice time.”

“You were waiting to see if I would make a move, is that how you used to do things with men? Expect the horse to rush out of the gate from the get-go?”

You gaped at him, unsure where the confidence came from within him to address you like that. He smiled sadly once again. “As I said, you don’t like yourself.”

“You have no right to pass judgement on my life, Yoo Kihyun.”

“You’re right, I don’t. Nor do you have to categorise me like the men before me either. I’m not going to do anything you don’t want,” he told you simply, shrugging before placing his hands in his lap.

It infuriated you, even more so that his words were making you feel weak. You hadn’t been aware of how much you longed for someone to take care of you like this. To speak to you as he was. It was charming and before you recognised the desire to, you were kissing him passionately. Kihyun caught your movement well enough, stabilising you against him as he kissed you back.

You tasted the longing he had endured over the past eight months of knowing you. Perhaps, some of that stemmed from your own desires. You had painted Kihyun as the nice guy one too many times in your mind, the type you would date in a heartbeat if you weren’t so messed up.

You honestly believed you hadn’t been his type.

Yet as his lips continued to press into yours, begging for more, you wondered why you had been so blind all along. He had been always there for you. Ready to help you solve any issues, to wipe away your tears even if you couldn’t tell him why. He made you smile more than you could count, and he was incredibly comforting to be around.

You couldn’t lose this.

Jerking back your head, you then shook it, clambering out of the car and towards the apartment complex. Kihyun managed to get in front of you, gasping noisily from how much air you had sucked out of him and from his haste to ensure you didn’t get too far away so quickly.

“Is that it? You’re going to run away after one kiss?”

“Why, do you want to come upstairs and sleep with me and find out how much of a mess I am when I decide you’re too good for me then?” you countered and he cursed lowly, running a hand through his hair.

“I’m not too good for you.”

“Kihyun, I’m a mess, you pointed it out. Don’t get involved with me.”

“Why not? My favourite person in this world is standing in front of me right now and she just kissed me too. Am I not allowed to fight for this?”

“Do you have some kink about fixing broken girls?” you spat and he shook his head honestly. You sighed; you were so quick to break anything before it began. Tears welled in your eyes and he reached for you then, hugging you softly. You clung to him, burying in deep. “I’m scared.”

“I know you are.”

“I like you too,” you mumbled into his neck, feeling safe despite your worry. This embrace couldn’t ease your heart even though you want it to. “But I can’t be with you, not like this.”

“Come to me when you can then.”

It wasn’t as awkward as you thought it would be to go to the office on Monday. Kihyun smiled at you as he always did, and Minhyuk was non-stop chattering about some girl he met at the singles night he went to. It felt as if everything had slipped back into the way they always had been, the forbidden kiss not spoken of for the rest of the week. In fact, three weeks passed and Kihyun continued to be how he had always been with you. He worked on projects with you, laughed with you and supported you when you needed it.

It bothered you that you didn’t have the confidence to talk to him about that night the longer time slipped between you.

You decided to seek help. After all, the way your brain was conflicted over him, you needed to do something. Talking to Minhyuk about it would end with him locking the pair of you up together until something happened. And whilst that was a proactive approach, you knew you needed to make this one on your own.

Having someone to talk to about your past, about the pain you had inflicted on yourself was empowering. You had started to heal. Of course, it was early days, but you had actually started to love yourself properly. All these years you had believed you did, your protection towards your heart seeming as a sign of just that. But it was stunting your ability to grow from the experience.

“Minhyuk’s busy with his girlfriend tonight,” Kihyun mentioned in the elevator with a sigh and you glanced at his pouting face. “I guess I’ll have to spend another night alone watching Netflix. Don’t get a roommate that you’re not prepared to share with someone else, Y/N.”

You giggled, poking his arm playfully. “You have other friends, hang out with them.”

“None of them like my taste in movies.”

“I do.”

He arched an eyebrow, the ghost of a smile appearing on his lips. “The last movie we watched just you and I was a complete failure.”

“So you do remember.”

“How could I forget? Remember, you’re one of my favourite people.”

“I distinctively recall you saying I was your favourite person, Kihyun. Since when did I have to share the spot?”

Kihyun grinned, stepping outside into the sunny mid-morning. “I’m not sure if you get to keep that top spot when I’m not yours.”

“Who says you’re not?” you asked, stepping in front of him and placing your hands on your hips. “My favourite person in the world is standing right in front of me.”

“Is he just?”

You nodded dramatically. “Except, he didn’t just kiss me, so maybe he’s not worth fighting for.”

“Rude!” he quipped and you fell back into step at his side, glancing down at his hand swinging loosely at his side. You reached for it, entwining your fingers with his. Kihyun glanced down at your linked hands and then smiled. “No kiss?”

“I’m all about taking it slow these days, how do you feel about that?” you offered, feeling giddy from just holding his hand. Kihyun squeezed it gently, letting you know just how much he liked it as well.

“As long as I’m with you, we can take all the time in the world.”

_________________

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mattyfm · 4 years ago

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new york’s very own matthew oliver was spotted on broadway street in converse . your resemblance to luke hemmings is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-fourth birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being temperamental , but also benevolent . i guess being a gemini explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be bubbly laughter, the smell of fresh coffee, & long drives to watch the sunset . ( cis male & he/him ) + ( monique , 20 , she/her , pst . )

my name is monique i’m both the baddest and saddest bitch you’ll ever meet and i have NEVER written a concise intro in my life, so be prepared for a lot of jumping around, incomplete thoughts, and information you didn’t ask for. without further ado let me introduce you to my angel boy matthew oliver.

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐬

full name. samuel matthew oliver.

nicknames. sam, sammy, matt, & matty (preferred name and most commonly refereed to as).

age. twenty-four.

date of birth. june 17th.

occupation. actor. (i might give him another job eventually but don’t hold me to that)

sexual / romantic orientation. bisexual & biromantic.

birthplace. asbury park, new jersey.

zodiac. gemini.

spoken languages. english.

𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲

samuel mattew oliver was born to two extremely loving parents jeremy and elizabeth marie oliver, arguably one of the most influential celebrity couples known to man, at least that’s what it felt like growing up in the household, everyone was talking about the oliver’s and when they weren’t...well that never happened

as a middle child, preceded by his older brother mason, and succeeded by his younger sister cassandra, naturally he was born with a crave for validation, anything that separated him for his siblings

but naturally in his need to be different he found his closest allies, more so mason than cassie, but eventually she grew on him, and was most certainly not forced upon the dynamic duo of brother by their parents, but believe me he grew to adore her!

childhood was seemingly normal minus the bombarding questions from nosy students who wanted to know what it was like to have celebrity parents or be rich or live in a house with more bedrooms than necessary

unlike his siblings however matty reveled in the attention way more than he let on, it was nice to be noticed for something, even if it wasn’t quite what he’d been hoping to be noticed for

but by no means was he stupid! he wouldn’t allow anyone to take advantage of him and had an unusual talent for knowing when people only wanted to use his friendship as some sort of gain for himself, and extended this talent to his sister cass, because boy oh boy did she need it

their dad who i forgot to mention was a professor at juiliard, his alma matter, caused a constant bouncing back and forth between their coastal home in new jersey and their urban townhouse in new york

both places felt like home to the trio! they made so many good memories, however matty was extremely preferential to the coast, and to this day maintains a beach boy vibe, swears everything is just better by the beach

going back to his upbringing for a minute high school rolled around for him and mason and he just became even more extremely protective of cassie, he went through things extremely unknown to his family

on the outside he was the model person and student, honor roll, a long glowing list of extracurriculars including sports, even holding down a normal job like everyone else at his high school, and not a single blemish in his criminal record, the squeaky clean olivers remained squeaky cleans

HOWEVER there was some shady stuff going on behind the scenes my guy, nothing too terrible, just the usual teenager with loving parents who raise a troubled teen, not because of any past trauma but a need to feel seen

DRUGS & ALCOHOL TW got into a lot of fight but always told them they had to fight after school, he got into drugs, nothing too hardcore, just weed (is that a weed i’m calling the police vibes).....at first.....but that’s a different story so moving on! he of course drank with his buddies at high school parties, honestly just vibing my guys, just straight vibes always

secret!!!!

CAR ACCIDENT TW & ALCOHOL TW & DEATH TW one day he’s vibing, it’s the summer they’re celebrating another school year complete, and by the end of the night nearly black out drunk at this point, he knows he can’t go home so he decides to get a ride home with a buddy he worked with, tell his parents that said buddy took him home after work, they worked on homework and fell asleep. and honestly had he had a little less to drink, he would’ve realized that his friend was just as drunk as he was, but they drove anyways. this lead to a drunken car accident, that ended in the death of a pedestrian. thankfully his friend’s dad was a lawyer, and they covered that shit up immediately.

after this whole ordeal choose an accelerated course of study to pursue his acting career, finally something people would talk about that would be solely his, like not really, but let him have his moment alright, he was desperate

lowkey feels guilty about being a hypocrite towards cassie because he’s telling her not to do any of the thing

ADDICTION TW he almost kicked his habit but getting back into acting and the guilt of having blood on his hands, was too much for matty, and he developed a drug / alcohol dependency, which he recognized was extremely harmful! he went to rehab! and has been very vocal about his struggle with addiction ever since

had an on set romance with a costar that crashed and burned, quite publicly, and was just not good for his mental health one bit! def didn’t help with his constantly teetering sobriety but he managed to get through it with the help of his family and his friends

acting wise he’s starred in a bunch of movies but his baby is the netflix show that he’s been working on, i would like to think it’s kind of a sitcom esque show mixed with the same comedic timing of the office, parks n rec, those kinda self-aware humor vibes

ADDICTION TW he plays one of the main character, and his dipped his toes into directing and writing a couple of episodes, the show truly gives me one day at a time vibes, just brings light to mental health, addiction, important issues you don’t normally see portrayed on tv, and he def plays schneider, the bumbling rich boy who does and says what he’s told, struggles with addiction, has a super childish nature, and just a hint of self-awareness but just a hint as a little treat

this is so ooc but i’m realizing he’s quite literally schneider from one day at a time

MENTAL HEALTH TW & ANXIETY TW has receded from that cool kid persona he once held back in what i refer to as his ‘glory days’ and is now extremely vulnerable to everything and everyone, will literally cry if you even look at him the wrong way. struggles with really bad anxiety, among other mental health issues (which is why his netflix show and he advocate so heavily for mental health!) but is quite literally one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet, softness runs in the oliver family ig.

IS LITERALLY SO CHILDISH....where was once extremely mature for his age....he now copes with his trauma by just acting like a toddler, literally mixes chocolate milk IN HIS MOUTH like a heathen, but that still doesn’t stop him from being fiercely protective of cassie, and will fight anyone for her

currently vibing! filming, being his best(?) self, and making trips to the nj coast

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

positive traits. accommodating, adaptable, affable, affectionate, agreeable, altruistic, amiable, attentive, caring, cheerful, communicative, compassionate, considerate, courteous, creative, dependable, easy-going, empathetic, exuberant, friendly, fun-loving, generous, gentle, genuine, gregarious, helpful, honest, humane, humble, joyful, kind, lively, loyal, loving, optimistic, outgoing, passionate, playful, reliable, resilient, romantic, sincere, sociable, tender, trustworthy, thoughtful, understanding, and warm-hearted.

negative traits. anxious, amenable, avoidant, awkward, critical, defensive, disorganized, dogmatic, (over)emotional, evasive, foolish, forgetful, forgiving, gullible, headstrong, hopeless, idealistic, impatient, impulsive, irrational, messy, moody, oblivious, (over)protective, sensitive, shy, thoughtless, and weak-willed.

𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

here’s some basic plot ideas but we can always brainstorm smth! friends, frenemies, enemies, friends to lovers, childhood friends, ex best friend, costars, unrequited crush, bad influence, exes, one night stand, roommates! i have

#wealthyhq:intro #alcohol tw #drugs tw #mental health tw #anxiety tw #car accident tw #death tw #addiction tw #i hope lia still loves me after this #i might cry a little bit #please love me <3 #I AM NEEDY AND SO IS HE

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gement · 5 years ago

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Venn diagram of least popular sub-genres

Full title: Venn diagram of no one’s gonna click it (but the readers who found me are real gems)

I’m wrapping up my Batman/Some Dude fluffy-kinky-queer romance novel this week, and pondering the things I’ve learned about fandom trends in my endless combing of the metadata. (I’m a librarian and an author craving validation, it’s what I do.) It’s doing phenomenally well within its niche, but oy, the niche.

Disclaimer: I’m not judging anyone’s taste here! You wanna read what you wanna read. (In library nerd: “Every book its reader; every reader their book.”) I’m just a data nerd talking out loud as a record for myself while it’s top-of-mind.

How are people less likely to click on my fic? Let me count the ways:

1. Some Dude: Average general fandom readers and M/M readers (usually myself) aren’t much interested in OC-centric works. There’s a preponderance of canon men to choose from for pairings and a perception that the average quality bar is lower on self-insert writing. (As an aside, I suspect this is just Sturgeon’s Law writ large. The top 1% of 200 fics is 2 great ones. The top 1% of 45k fics is 450 great ones including 45 heartbreaking works of staggering genius, and never dipping down past page 20 to find the also-rans.)

I expected this, and was relieved to get some “I usually don’t even click these, but wow, yours is good!” comments, because it meant my summary/tags were reaching at least a few of the larger audience.

2. Batman: I’m writing a Bruce Wayne-centric fic, which is fundamentally less popular in the AO3 Batman fandom than Robin-centric by an impressive margin. (The exceptions are Superbat or Batjokes, see point 1.) I did not expect this.

3. Some Named Dude: There is a thriving little sub-genre of Canon Character/Reader fic! (News to me!) I was initially excited by this potential readership! Which... overwhelmingly focuses on Female Reader characters and likes them as generic as possible to the point of writing “Y/N” (Your Name) instead of giving the character a name or characteristics.

CC/Reader is the preferred tag; it has substantially more works and more kudos per work than CC/Original Character, even when the content is the same down to calling them Y/N.

Ditto CC/Female or Unspecified vs CC/Male.

So my named male original character with a Very Opinionated Queer Identity and big social activist subplot did not get a lot of pickup from that direction.

Strategies that did work and ways that my readership has made me ever so happy and grateful:

A. I am a metadata monster and was very clear with both findable and interesting tags and summary, so anyone who might be willing to give it a chance at least has an attractive cover to consider.

B. It’s long, it has a lot of chapters, and I had a clockwork 3x week update schedule keeping me on or near the front page for four months. Even though new readership has leveled out, I still get about 2 new Kudos per update, someone commenting for the first time about twice a month, and presumably some silent subscriptions I don’t know about.

C. I reply to all comments in the same level of detail and enthusiasm as the commenter, and use that space to give behind-the-scenes info and jokes, like director’s commentary. People have really responded to this; my measurable fanbase has leveled off, but the ones I’ve hooked are steadfast. I have multiple people who comment almost every chapter and our conversations are GREAT. People have also asked me to have opinions on Tumblr and, hello, yes, thank you, you are wonderful for my ego.

I have more than 3x as many comments as kudos, in a sharp reversal of all possible trends. Not so great for search results and hooking later readers, but seriously. I am currently in the top 0.3% of Batman fics sorted by comments and how is that even real. How do I have over 700 comments? Half of them are mine, but that’s true of many thriving comment sections. Sometimes I just go roll around in them and feel happy like a dragon with a hoard.

My heap of comments is more than enough to make me feel proud of the uptake my fic has gotten. Yes, I’m always greedy for kudos because I’m a filthy author and want to be at the top of the search results, but that number going up is a (delicious) one-time rush. Comments I can chew over and over and feel gleeful that I made that connection with someone.

My fic gets marked Complete this Friday. I know many people don’t commit to reading an epic until they know it’s Done, and many people don’t comment until they finish reading a work, so I’m curious how that will affect my stats. (Maybe a few recs? Fingers crossed.)

There is no punchline. I’m writing in a deeply weird niche. My commenters are amazing and I’m grateful to them. This has been a post. 💚

#batman #statistics #ao3 #fanfic #my writing #Batman: Millennials in Love

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claptrap-stan · 5 years ago

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Happy Anniversary!

Or, Athena definitely doesn’t forget it’s her anniversary, and sets out to make it the best day possible.

A Jathena fic about their first anniversary, and Athena trying to figure out what that entails. If you prefer, the source will take you to the fic on AO3! Enjoy.

Athena had never been great at keeping track of the date.

Even as a bounty hunter, she’d only been aware of the passing of time because it signified how long it was taking her to finish a job. Years of Atlas training had lead something as frivolous as dates being relegated to the back of her mind, out of her way.

This was the first time it had come back to bite her.

She faltered midway through signing the piece of paper in front of her, rereading the date another three times as if that would somehow make the numbers change, but nope. That was definitely the date.

And it was definitely the date of her anniversary.

And she’d definitely forgotten.

“Is there a problem, miss?” Asked the guy holding the parcel, his voice high-pitched and nervous, and he stepped back instinctively as he spoke, as though he expected her to attack him just for asking. Which was a dumb fear, because if she attacked him he’d probably drop the package and that would just be inconvenient, but she appreciate the respect.

“No,” she said bluntly, finishing her signature and handing the clipboard back.

Technically she hadn’t forgotten, she just hadn’t been paying attention.

She was pretty sure that wasn’t a valid excuse for forgetting your own anniversary.

She took the package from the man – it was lighter than she expected – and slipped it under one of her arms as he let out a breath of relief. “Uh- thanks,” she told him, remembering Janey’s comments about her needing to be politer.

“N-no problem, ma’am!” He gave her a sharp nod, but she was already walking away, trying to think.

The to-do list Janey gave her would probably take the next few hours, and then everywhere would be closed, but if she hurried she was pretty sure she could squeeze something in to save her own ass. The problem was: what did celebrating an anniversary even involve?

Romance had never even been on her radar before meeting Janey. She’d been too busy for that, too angry, and she’d never cared enough about other people’s lives to pay any attention to that. But Janey had been in at least one other serious relationship before her, and she’d know exactly how this was supposed to work. Which left Athena with two options: try and guess how this worked, or swallow her pride and ask for help.

She decided to try guessing.

Step one: a bouquet.

She’d dealt with enough of Moxxi’s wanna-be suitors to know that giving flowers to someone was meant to be romantic. Plus, Janey tended to like anything that made the house look ‘more like an actual human lived in it’, and Athena was pretty sure plants fell into that category.

Also, they weren’t hard to find. Even as she pulled up outside the hardware shop, mentally running over the things Janey had told her to buy, she could see plants lining the pathway.

Clearly, she’d overestimated how hard this anniversary thing was going to be.

She made sure to buy all the parts first, double-checking it against the list as she fastened them to her stingray – if there was one thing Janey would prioritise over their anniversary, it was her work, and Athena wasn’t about to screw that up. As soon as they were secure, though, she turned her attention to the plants.

Most of it was boring green weed, but she pushed those aside to pull out the flowers dotted within them. It was mostly tall yellow and blue flowers that seemed to glow faintly in the shade of the building, as well as a couple of strange-looking purple tendrils that were so thick that she had to use her knife to cut the stems. Once she’d picked most of them and gotten a decently-sized handful, she used a bit of the extra twine she’d brought to hold them in place.

“Ha,” she muttered softly to herself, straightening up and brushing the dirt off her knees with her free hand. The flowers seemed to droop a little as she held them under the sun, but she figured they’d perk up eventually. Whenever people tried to give Moxxi flowers, they always seemed perky and vibrant. She’d probably just have to shove them in some more dirt when she got home, before she showed them to Janey.

Still, they looked pretty great, if she did say so herself.

Someone walking past gave her an odd look, but the second she turned towards him he ducked his head down, picking up his pace.

It took her far too long to place his face. She was getting out of practice. But still, there was no denying it – she knew exactly who he was. He’d hit on Janey last week, getting a little too handsy with her when she’d flatly turned him down. Janey had dealt with it herself, of course, kicking him straight out the building, but Athena was still pissed she hadn’t gotten her shot at him.

Now was her chance.

Her free hand was already grasping at the space where she usually she kept her shield when she realised what she was doing, and faltered.

On a normal day, she wouldn’t have hesitated. So, she left her shield at home these days – she still carried around her gun and at least two knives. She could still pretty easily take him out in the next thirty seconds.

Except that there was a reason she didn’t carry her shield around any more, and today of all days, she wanted to give Janey exactly what she wanted.

No murder. No danger. No trying to kill dicks in the middle of the street.

She could do that. It hurt, but she could let that guy speed walk his way out of her line of sight. She could do it for Janey, at least today.

And besides, she wouldn’t want to damage her flowers.

Step two: food.

During the last Valentine’s day she remembered being aware of, she’d been tracking down a target who happened to be seeing one of his employees at the time. She had a distinct memory of killing him in his kitchen when he was trying to cook a romantic meal. His boyfriend, it turned out, had been the one who hired her, but that was besides the point.

Meals were considered romantic.

As she wandered through the shopping market, she considered trying to make something for Janey. It would definitely be more personal, but every time she offered to cook, Janey seemed to develop a sudden craving for takeout. Athena had no idea what Janey’s favourite meal would even be, let alone how to cook it.

So takeout it would be, then.

She glanced at the to-do list again. The next stop would put her right next to Moxxi’s – perfect. They did food. She could head in there first to pick something up.

By the time she got to Moxxi’s, the sun was starting to set, turning the sky a deep blood red. She still had a good ninety minutes before it would be dark and Janey would start to head back, which was plenty of time. She only had one thing left on her list, after all.

The bar was emptier than she expected when she walked in, although she supposed it was pretty early. That rarely seemed to matter on Pandora, though.

Moxxi glanced up from behind the countertop as the door swung shut, her usual smirk already plastered on her face. Her expression seemed to soften just slightly as she registered who it was, not looking away as she approached the bar. Athena half wondered if she was going to overfill the drink she was pouring, but she’d known Moxxi long enough to doubt it.

“Evening, Athena,” Moxxi greeted her once she reached the bar, her usual flirtatious drawl not hiding the slight curiosity in her voice. “If you’re here looking for extra hours, you’re out of luck. Everyone’s being particularly well behaved today – unfortunately. You know I love watching you work.” Still not looking away, she slid the beer she was pouring across the countertop, straight into the waiting hand of a man sat two seats down, who grunted in response. “’Sides, sugar, don’t you think you deserve to spend some time with that lovely mechanic of yours?”

“I am,” said Athena, shifting a little. She always hated being in places like this when she wasn’t working – too many years of honing her senses had left her a little too alert. Especially when the people around her where mostly drunk. Still, she knew she was safe. She could kill everyone in this room with ease. The thought calmed her a little. “It’s our anniversary. I was actually going to buy some food.”

“Oooh, happy anniversary then, darling.” Moxxi propped a hand on her hip, her expression still not faltering. “In that case, what can I get you?”

Oh. There may have been one flaw in her plan. Usually, it was Janey who went to pick up the food. The only takeout she knew about was the old skag meat stand she used to work at, and she was pretty sure that didn’t constitute a romantic meal. Also, there was no way Moxxi sold skewered skag meat anyway.

Thankfully, the older woman noticed her hesitation, her grin growing slightly wider with amusement. “How about I make it a surprise for both of you?” She offered, leaning forward to prop her hands up on the bar, doing a bad job of suppressing the humour in her voice. Athena couldn’t really be annoyed at it, though, because it was the ideal solution.

“That works,” she said, trying to act nonchalant about it. “I have one last stop on my to-do list – can I come back afterwards for the food?”

The look in Moxxi’s eye clearly told her the act hadn’t worked, but thankfully, she didn’t question it. “Of course you can, sweetie. But first- do I get a sneak peak at Janey’s anniversary present?” She leaned further forward, her tone dropping lower. “You know I love a good lover’s present.”

“I’m actually on my way to pick up her present,” Athena lied through her teeth, giving herself barely half a second of thought. “But, no, it’s, uh- private.” Nobody had ever mentioned anything about gifts what kind of gift was she even meant to get and where the hell was she meant to find it-

“But those are the best kind of presents,” said Moxxi, putting on a tone of faux-sadness, before breaking her charade and smiling. “Fine, go and get your missus her present. Your food will be waiting here when you get back.”

“Thank you,” said Athena, and this time it came more naturally to her than with the delivery guy. Still, she thought, as she made her way to the exit of the bar. This was a problem.

Step three: the gift.

Really, Athena should’ve expected this. No good plan had ever only had two steps. And honestly, everything she’d been doing so far seemed to be focused on giving something. An actual gift seemed like the obvious conclusion.

Not that that hindsight helped her now.

She tried to glance around the shop as she hefted up two cartons of washer fluid, so focused on looking for any potential presents that she ignored the worker trying to offer her help, but she couldn’t see anything that would work. It was all machine-based fluid; oil and water and different coloured liquids she couldn’t identify filling the rows of shelves.

Which was completely useless to her.

She must’ve looked pretty pissed, because the guy who rang her up looked like he was waiting for her to lose it at him, but she couldn’t be bothered trying to school her features into a ‘nicer’ expression. He’d live. She had bigger things to worry about.

She continued to scan the area even as she lugged the cartons outside, as if she was going to find the perfect present just sitting on one of the benches ready for her to take.

There was a little skag pup foraging in one of the bins, and Janey had been suggesting they get a pet, but Athena was pretty sure she hadn’t meant a skag. Unfortunately. She knew the weapons shop across the streets sold some nice daggers, but that had never really been Janey’s style. The ammo shop was useless, and she didn’t have any Eridium on her to hit up the black market – not that Janey would want her to do that anyway.

She fixed the washer fluid to the stingray and then leaned against it trying to think. There was the half-crumbling pub, which was useless to her, the bakery, the sweet shop, the café-

The sweet shop.

The sweetest thing Athena enjoyed was the Atlas lattes, and she hadn’t been able to have them in- a long time. Janey, on the other hand, rarely drank something more bitter than her hot malted milk, and had an almost ridiculous sweet tooth.

Athena started walking towards it immediately, relief flooding her the second she realised it was open. Were chocolates a kind of lame gift? Probably. Did she have the time to worry? A quick glance at her watch told her no, she didn’t. Besides, maybe the flowers and the meal would even it out.

At least, she hoped it would. The second she stepped into the shop, she was hit by the almost overwhelming vibrant packages that lined every shelf. It looked like something big and colourful had puked in it. Even the smell was almost sickeningly sweet, like chocolate and fruit and sugar all mixed into one.

She tried not to wrinkle her nose as she grabbed the nearest heart-shaped box of chocolates. She probably could’ve spent all night looking for the perfect one, but right now, time was of the essence, and she figured that was romantic enough.

She half threw the box at the cashier in her impatientness.

She made it home just twenty minutes before Janey was due back, and ran in as fast as she could, dumping everything not-anniversary-related in the corner of the garage. She could deal with that later.

Instead, she filled a bowl with dirt from outside and placed it on the kitchen sink, shoving the flowers into it. “There, now you can perk up a little,” she muttered as she covered the roots, a slightly threatening tone entering her voice.

Then she switched her attention to the food. Moxxi had packaged into heat proof boxes for her, so all she had to do was put it on the plates. The hostess hadn’t held back – one of the boxes contained a variety of vegetables, the other a huge piece of roasted pork. She tried to arrange them on the plate as nicely as she could manage, although she didn’t really know what constituted as ‘nice’ in this situation.

She’d only just decided it was good enough when she heard the front door swing open, followed by the sound of Janey announcing herself.

“In the kitchen!” Athena called back, quickly turning scoop the flowers up and shove the bowl of dirt under the sink, out of sight. They hadn’t perked up that much, but she thought they still looked fine. She grabbed the chocolates with her free hand and hid them both behind her back just as Janey walked in, holding a paper bag.

The mechanic faltered as she saw the table, surprise flickering across her face. “Wow, Athena-“

“Happy anniversary,” interrupted Athena, holding out the chocolates and the flowers. For a second, Janey paused, looking awed, but then she seem to come back to herself and quickly made her way across the room, dropping the bag on one of the counters.

“Thank you,” she said, taking the gifts and smiling. “And happy anniversary to you, too.” She put the chocolates down on the side and pressed a quick kiss to Athena’s cheek. “I wasn’t expecting anything like this – I know you aren’t good with dates, so I figured you’d probably miss it-“

“Never,” said Athena, smoothly, and Janey smiled again.

“Well, I’m sorry I doubted you. This- this is amazing. Just- let me put these in some water before we dig into the food, okay?” She turned towards the cupboard before freezing halfway through reaching for it. “Uh,” she twisted back slightly, looking curiously concerned. “The food. Where-“

“It came from Moxxi’s,” said Athena, brightly. Seeing Janey happy filled her with a sense of relief. Why had she been so nervous before? Clearly, she was a master at this stuff. “You’ve never mentioned what kind of food you’d like me to cook, so I figured it was safer. Why?”

“No reason. No reason at all.” She was fairly sure she saw relief on Janey’s face as the latter finally turned to grab a glass, although she couldn’t imagine why.

She watched as Janey filled the glass with water before setting it on the side and carefully placing the flowers in it. Water. Of course. Why had she gone with dirt?

Still, they looked great, so it was fine.

Janey turned back to her with a grin. “I got you a present too, of course – although it’ll have to wait until after this meal.”

“Why?” Asked Athena, raising her eye brow. “Is it more food?”

“Well.” Janey leaned back slightly and buried her hand in the bag she’d brought in. “It involves eating something.” She pulled her hand back out and held up- a bath bomb. “But first, we’d have to take a bath.”

Athena glanced at the bag, which still clearly had something in it.

She was 90% sure she could guess what it was.

“I like baths,” was all she said, before looping her fingers through Janey’s belt loops and pulling her close enough that she could kiss her easily, which of course she did. Janey nearly dropped the bath bomb as she fumbled, but she managed to place it on the side before burying her fingers in Athena’s hair and kissing her back, pushing hard enough to press the later into the side.

“I specifically said we have to wait until after we’ve eaten,” mumbled Janey, but she didn’t want to break the kiss, leaning even further into it. Athena hummed softly against her lips.

“Okay, sure. We will,” she promised, also not breaking the kiss.

They probably never would’ve split apart if it wasn’t for the hacking cough sound that came from behind Athena, catching both of their attentions. There was a pause as they turned in surprise to look.

“Athena,” began Janey, her voice almost deceptively calm. “Did your flowers just spit acid at the wall?”

Oh.

Maybe Athena wasn’t the master of anniversaries after all.

#borderlands #borderlands the pre sequel #bltps #athena #janey springs #jathena #borderlands fanfic #borderlands fic #tps #tales from the borderlands #tftbl #mine

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