#i’m about to graduate and i am so insanely stressed out. so many projects. so many presentations. woooh baby. i am going to explode

[taiso]

jarvis cocker (pulp) trading card from melody maker magazine (1995)

scanned from my personal collection ^^

[my-one-true-l]

Hhhhhhhhh I may be graduated but exams are still rolling on and i’m not even halfway yet!

I don’t regret a lot in life but right now I am, lmao.

My dramatics aside, it’s been a fairly tame week all things considered. It could’ve been so much worse and quite frankly it could only get better.

How have you been? I don’t know if i’m losing track of time even more so but it feels like forever since we last spoke. I’m sort of exasperated since everything is just happening so fast and at once, but at the end of the day it’ll be worth it.

How has your week been? if it’s been hard, I do truly hope you find some form of comfort in this letter because, whilst it may not be the same sort of stress or anything, at least you can find solace in a friend who also feels like crap.

But! Its a new week, which means a fresh start. Let’s give it all we got! This optimism is all I have going for me at the moment so I can share it <3

Remember to take time for yourself and take care of yourself; if you don’t give your body a break, it will choose it for you so might as well make it on your time. Have fun with your projects and games or anime or whatever you do to unwind. You’re only human after all :)

Stay safe, stay hydrated, much love from across the sea! <3

Hi Ace!

It's been...a week lol.

How many exams do you have left to do? I remember finals and what a crazy time that is. Going to be honest tho, I kind of loved it lol. Idk there was just something about the study groups and all of my friends and me going out to blow off steam doing the dumbest stuff but it was amazing because we were just having fun before it all went down lol.

I very much dislike that you are feeling like crap too, and though I do not ascribe to misery loves company per se, it is nice to know I am not alone.

I hope you've been taking time to relax and have fun amidst all the insanity that you're having to deal with! Sending much love to you!

[psychedellic-phase]

Sanctuary

A/N: i loved this fic request! Requests are always open :)

Summary: Reader is having a bad case of imposter syndrome, but luckily her boyfriend knows just how to help.

tw: none, pure fluff      word count: 2.1k

masterlist

You sat at the kitchen table, head in your hands, staring at your laptop screen. It’s like it was taunting you, lines and lines of words and symbols mocking your inability to fix them. All you had to do was find the error in the code, a task you’ve done a million times. But this time it seemed utterly impossible. The software was due in two days and it was your first solo project and you wanted to impress everyone, finally prove your worth to the company. The pressure was on and it had to be perfect. You needed it to be perfect. But it wasn’t even close to perfect. In fact, every time you launched it, it crashed; leaving you to stare at your reflection in the screen, making you want to give up and cry. 

You knew how to fix it, you always know how to fix it. You’re who everyone comes to to fix it, but you were too nervous to even begin typing. If you failed, you’d be proving everyone who doubted you right. The thought made you nauseous. You’d be proving that every misogynistic a-hole teacher you had in college who said ‘software isn’t a woman’s job’ to you right. All the men at the startup would chuckle at your failure and say something rude like ‘see? that’s what we get for letting a woman do the work.’ You’d be ruining the chances of any other woman who interviewed. Most of all you were terrified of failing and letting yourself down, letting everything you worked for go to waste. Maybe everyone was right; software isn’t a woman’s job. Deep down you knew you were being irrational, but the thoughts just wouldn’t stop. 

You kept staring into the abyss of numbers and symbols, going through every letter in every line. Was it in HTML? JAVASCRIPT? Neither? Suddenly you couldn’t tell the difference. 

“Y/N?” Your boyfriend said opening the front door of your shared apartment, “What are you doing up? It’s 1 am.”

You didn’t look up at Spencer, too fixated in trying to decipher your work to acknowledge him. How was it already 1 am? You’d been sitting there for hours and had done nothing.  

Spencer waved his hand in front of your face, “Y/N?”

No response, you just stared into the code getting more and more hypnotized by it, entering some sort of strange trance. 

“Y/N!” He said more forcefully this time, causing you to blink and look up at him. 

“What?” 

“What are you so stressed about?”

You broke eye contact then and brought your lower lip in between your teeth, “Stressed? I’m not stressed!”

A lie. A very obvious lie. Which Spencer knew, because reading you like a book was high on his never-ending list of talents. 

“Really? You’re not stressed?” He sounded half amused. 

You shook your head, “Nope, never been more calm in my life.”

He chuckled, “Then maybe you should stop chewing on your lip and lower your shoulders, they’re practically at your ears.” He moved behind you and pressed his hands against your shoulders, lowering them for you. He took his thumbs and rubbed the knots that formed there, “Now, Angel, tell me, what are you so stressed about?”

Again, you didn’t answer. He thought he’d catch your attention by using your favorite term of endearment, but instead you just turned your attention back to the screen. 

Spencer didn’t understand, he never would. If you google ‘genius’ a picture of Dr. Spencer Reid is what comes up. With an IQ of 187, the ability to read 20,000 words per minute, three doctorate degrees and three bachelors degrees all by the ripe old age of 30, there is quite literally nothing he can’t do. Except maybe ten push ups, he could probably get to 9. He was a child prodigy and CalTech graduate. You went to public school and a college with a 70% acceptance rate. He was recruited to the FBI at twenty-two. When you were the same age you were a college senior getting trashed at a different bar every Thirsty Thursday. He spends his work days catching killers and saving lives, and you spend yours typing away at a computer hoping something works out. 

Being with him was simultaneously the best and worst thing for your self esteem. Sure he made you feel loved, appreciated, beautiful, important, but he also made you feel stupid. Not on purpose of course, it just seemed like he was  better than you at everything, even the things you thought you were best at. Thank god he’s a technophobe, if he knew his way around a computer better than you that would be the last straw. Oftentimes you wondered why he even wanted to be with you when you so clearly were not on his level, and when there are so many people who are. He’s smart and handsome and could have his pick of the bunch, so why did he pick you? 

“You know, 83% of workers in the US feel stressed out in their jobs, it’s totally normal. I’m stressed all the time at my job,” He said, trying to coax you out of the shell you crawled into. It didn’t work, instead you went through the lines of code again mumbling to yourself that it looked perfect, so what was wrong with it? 

“Can I help? Let me see,” He asked. He didn’t wait for a response, and reached over to turn your laptop towards him. 

“No!” You yelped, and snatched the laptop away from him. You couldn’t have him help you, you couldn’t let anyone help you. If anyone helped you then it wouldn’t be your achievement. This was one thing you had to do alone. 

He sighed and put his hands up in defeat, “Alright alright, I know I’m not a computer whiz. I just want to help.”

“I don’t need your help,” You snapped, getting frustrated with him now. Why couldn’t he just let it go? Why did he always have to try and help? You knew the answer was because he loves you and wants to make you happy, but your judgement was too clouded to see that. You huffed out angrily, trying to suppress the hot, frustrated tears that were threatening to spill over.  

Spencer slid into the chair next to you and gripped your shoulder, “Y/N...Ang—”

You turned to him and cut him off, “What? You think I can’t do this on my own? Don’t you?”

He just took the jab in his stride. “I know you can do it on your own,” he grabbed your hands from the keyboard and held them between his, forcing you to stop for a moment and just be with him.

“Talk to me.”

You waited a moment before conceding, “Okay fine, the software is due in two days and I’ve been working on it for weeks and it still isn’t perfect. Something is wrong with it and I can’t find it and if I can’t fix it then I’m just proving to everyone that I can’t handle this job and that I’m stupid and incapable of doing anything on my own and then I’ll get fired because there’s newer, smarter kids coming into tech everyday and all the men at work will never take another girl seriously again and then after I get fired and end up homeless you’ll realize that I’m actually stupid and useless and that you can do it wayyyy better than me an—”

“Woah slow down,” He interrupted your rambling. You were staring at the floor, hands still trapped between his two much larger ones rendering you useless. He let you go, hands coming up to your cheeks and forcing you to look at him. They  were calloused but soft, and his eyes demanded your attention, darting all over your face to read your expression. He poked his tongue out of the right side of his mouth, the same way he has a hundred times. You softened a little into his touch. 

“I think you have imposter syndrome.”

You pulled back, “What? Don’t you dare try to diagnose me or profile me Spencer Reid.”

He ignored you and started into his own ramble, much like the one you had just finished, “It’s a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. 'Imposters' suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence. It was first documented in the 70s by successful working women who felt like they had ‘fooled’ everyone into thinking they were intelligent.”

You looked at him even weirder now, your eyebrows scrunching together, “Oh?”

“It’s very common in the tech industry because of how fast paced it is.” He said it all so matter-of-factly. 

“I-I don’t think so. That’s not me.”

“Think about it Y/N. It makes sense!” 

It did. It made perfect sense. It explained the constant questioning and anxiety. It explained why you don’t ask for help or offer up an opinion at meetings. It explained why you had jumped from failing a project to being homeless like it was the natural progression of things. A ‘diagnosis’, if you even could call it that, should’ve made you feel better about everything, but it didn’t. 

“I just feel like I don’t deserve anything I have. I-I don’t even know how I got here Spence! Like how did I manage to convince everyone that I’m talented enough to do this on my own!”

He let the words marinate between you. Then it all clicked in your head; you sounded exactly like those women in the 70s. 

“You just proved my point, Angel.”

You glared at him, “Okay here’s another example. I don’t deserve you. You just got home from a long day of saving lives and being a genius crime fighting machine and instead of getting some damn sleep you have to console me because I’m over here crying like an idiot because some code won’t run.”

Spencer’s hand came under your chin, forcing you to look at him again, “You don’t know how much you do for me, do you?”

You just shook your head, genuinely not knowing what he meant. 

He smiled, the corner of his mouth turning up just a little, “Yes I am a life-saving crime-fighting genius, but without you I wouldn’t be able to cope.”

“Really?” You sniffled. 

“Yeah, Angel, really. I spend all day looking pure evil in the face, and without you to come home to and talk to I’d be trapped in my head all day, thinking of what I could’ve done better. You’re my safe space. Without you I’d probably go insane,” He tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear. 

You smiled now. You believed him; Spencer isn’t one to lie, “And you’d have no social life.”

He laughed, “Hey! I’d have a social life.”

“Who? Henry and Jack?”

He laughed, “You’re right, I’d have no social life.”

You stood up then and he followed suit. You threw your arms around his slender frame and nuzzled into the crook of his neck. Spencer’s shaggy brown hair tickled your cheek but you didn’t mind. All that mattered was his heartbeat and breathing. You were his sanctuary, and he was yours. When either one of you would dive head first into the deep end, the other would be waiting there to catch you. Tonight it was his turn. 

And catch you he did, into a loving kiss, holding you close to him. When you pulled away he planted another kiss on your forehead and mumbled into your hair, “Trust me, you keep the internet world running. Without you we’d all be lost.”

You sighed and thanked him, happily sitting in front of the laptop now. All your fears had been pushed away. You knew they would resurface eventually, but right now it felt like you were unstoppable. With two simple corrections you tried to run the code and it worked perfectly. 

“See!” He cheered, squeezing your shoulders again, “You deserve the world, Angel.”

You stood up and jumped into his arms for another hug, wrapping your legs around his waist, his arms holding you up.

“You may be a life-saving, crime-fighting genius Dr. Reid, but I am a bad-ass, intelligent, woman who codes at the top of a male dominated field.”

He smiled then, pride practically beaming out of him, “Well, I’d say we’re a perfect match.”

[bigfan-fanfic]

Making Bad Look Good Part 2

A second part! Featuring... Two-Face, Deathstroke, Deadshot, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, Mr. Freeze, Mad Hatter, Hush, Zsasz, Klarion the Witch Boy, and the Court of Owls!

I got a ton of requests for these, and you’ve all been so helpful! This one’s for you!

Making Bad Look Good part 2 - a.k.a. another 6 Degrees of Evil Bacon

Warning: Long post ahead.

Two-Face - Harvey Dent

You met Two-Face back when he was District Attorney for Gotham.

He was no “Ce-SEAL-Your-Fate” Horton from Central City, but he was doing a bang-up job putting criminals behind bars, cracking their insanity pleas.

So you went to meet him after a case where he got the Penguin sentenced to Blackgate instead of Arkham.

Sure, he’ll probably escape, but the precedent the case sets is important.

“Mr. Wayne! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Just came to meet our amazing new D.A.”

You make small talk, until you decide to ask him to lunch to congratulate him on the case.

He grins. “Okay. But we’ll flip a coin for the check. Heads, you pay. Tails, my treat.”

You shrug.

He flips a strange coin that he tells you is his lucky charm.

It comes up heads, on the side that looks like it’s been corroded.

You smirk. “That’s a double-headed coin, isn’t it?”

He laughs. “Yup. Most people don’t get it so quick.”

He shakes your hand and offers to pay anyway since you were such a good sport.

After he becomes Two-Face, it’s this moment you choose to remember...

Deathstroke and Deadshot - Slade Wilson and Floyd Lawton

There have been quite a few times when you were targeted by an assassin or two.

But that particular time, you were the prize for a competition between them.

Slade and Lawton had been hired to take you out, but only the actual killer would get the other half of the payment.

So one day, Deadshot is setting up the hit, angling a crazy shot to hit you through the back of the skull and bamboozle all ballistics tests. You come into range, and he shoots -

-only to see you get shoved out of the way by the eyepatch-ed Slade Wilson.

Bruce wants to sequester you in the Batcave, but instead, you tell him to set up a meeting as Batman.

It’s fun to throw money at problems.

On a rooftop, the Bat behind you, you offer Slade and Lawton double the total for your contract to give you the name of their employer and void the hit.

It’s technically against whatever assassin code there is, but you know, money tends to grease the wheels of any machine.

Deadshot takes the money and tells you it was some crackpot billionaire trying to get at Bruce. He also chuckles and says that he’s available if you ever have more money to throw and a grudge for him to carry out.

Deathstroke also takes the money and nods at you before leaving.

And while Slade comes back to torment you and your sons time and again, Floyd is actually quite pleasant. You sometimes hire him when you need security, which he calls easy money, and from that point, your husband almost never encounters him on the job...

Harley Quinn - Dr. Harleen Frances Quinzel

“Paging Dr. Quinzel. Dr. Quinzel, to the front desk.”

You and some other Gotham big shots were invited to Arkham for a publicity tour. Reporters are there, too, including Clark, so you feel pretty safe.

A surprisingly young woman comes to play tour guide, her hair in slight pigtails.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Quinzel. Currently I’m junior psychologist here at Arkham Asylum.” She has a bit of a New York accent, though you can tell she’s worked hard to soften it.

One reporter asks just how “junior” she is, and she gives an indulgent chuckle. “Yes, I graduated med school early, so I’m a bit young for a specialized doctor. But I’m also one of the only medical professionals still willing to work at Arkham, so I think that’s what counts, right?”

The tour goes well enough, until you raise your hand. “You’re the psychologist in charge of the Joker, right?”

Dr. Quinzel smiles in a strange way. “Yes, that I am.”

You frown. “And do you think, as a junior psychologist, you’re adequately prepared for him?”

“I know that I am a medical professional, Mr. Wayne, and I am certainly qualified to examine my patients.”

But Dr. Quinzel, just for a moment, looks fractured, torn. Like there’s some sort of internal war raging in her soul. But it gets absorbed in her too-wide smile.

You put it down to nerves about meeting the press, and let it go.

You always wonder if there was something you could’ve done for the woman, prevented it from all going wrong, prevented her from becoming Harley Quinn...

Poison Ivy - Dr. Pamela Isley

Pamela was going to college at about the same time you were. 

You weren’t friends, exactly, although you did both share a class in Professor Crane’s Intro Psych course (an elective for both of you).

There were a lot of rumors about her. You chose not to engage in the gossip, especially as it was a lot about her sleeping with her Biology professor for a better grade.

You had to do a project with her for your final grade, and she invited you to her apartment to work on it together.

It was full of plants. She mentions it before you have a chance to even think about bringing them up. 

“They’re my babies.” she jokes. “So much easier to take care of than pets.”

You smile. “All the oxygen probably helps you work better, right?”

She nods. “Yeah. Yeah, it does.”

She talks about how she’s going to be a botanist when she graduates, and she’s going to work for the EPA. She’s very self-interested, but genuine, and you have fun while working on the project.

But only a few weeks after you turn in the project, she disappears. Rumors abound about how she ran off with the Bio professor. Some say they were having an affair. Others are kinder and say they’re on a botanical conservation mission in some swamp somewhere.

Either way, you never see Pamela again.

At least, until Poison Ivy shows up in town...

(Side note: Drew Barrymore as Poison Ivy? Thoughts?)

Mr. Freeze - Dr. Victor Fries

Fries shows up one day out of nowhere

Just shooting with that cold gun.

He attacks a gala event for the Wayne Foundation and holds it up for jewelry and the cash being raised for the underprivileged of Gotham..

You glare at him. “You know you’re just taking money right out of the pocket of needy kids, right?”

“It’s for a good cause.” He says darkly.

“And what cause would that be?”

He sneers at you. “Disease research, mainly.”

The phrase surprises you.

Later, Bruce is doing research at the Batcave. “He goes by Mr. Freeze. Born: Victor Fries. Wife Nora suffers from Stage Four of a rare pneumonia-like condition known as MacGregor Syndrome. He had her cryogenically frozen, and now it seems like he’s turned to crime to fund his research into a cure.”

You hesitate. “Well... is there something we can do to help him?”

“Help him? May I remind you that he held hundreds of people hostage?”

“Well...” you shrug. “I just figure that maybe he wouldn’t be so... crime-y if his wife was being taken care of. I don’t know what I’d do if I was so close to losing you.”

Bruce softens slightly. “Look, Freeze committed a crime - several crimes, and he has to go to jail. But if it makes you feel better, we can have Wayne Enterprise’s medical division look into studying her disease. Judging from what I see here, MacGregor Syndrome has similarities with many other diseases. It might be a key in finding lots more cures.”

You smile and hug him. “Lead with that. Tell Fries that we’re willing to do that.”

Of course, Fries’ future crimes are due to the cost of maintaining his portable cryogenic suit, but you hear a lot less about it than you expect, especially since Nora is being taken care of...

Mad Hatter - Jervis Tetch

You were meeting a couple of old school friends at a tea parlor one day. It’s nice to escape the stress of your life and reminisce.

Roland and Alicia are a cute couple, and they tell you they have a baby on the way.

But the day is marred by a strange incident in which a small man in a top hat and tails (tuxedo tails) comes up to your table and starts babbling at Alicia, calling her “Alice” and trying to touch her blond hair, despite her attempts to shove him away..

Roland gets angry and punches the man, but before he can go any further, you pull him back.

The strange man glances at you. “The Dormouse...” he mutters, and walks away.

“What a creep.” Alicia shudders.

You’ve already figured it out. The man is deluded, thinking he’s the Mad Hatter, and he seems to be trying to fit everything into his Wonderland-inspired delusions. You tell Bruce about this, and he immediately agrees that Alicia is in danger.

You go to their hotel room to see them, warn them, but Roland answers the door wearing a bowler hat and Alicia is nowhere to be found.

Roland attacks you, knocking you out and kidnapping you.

Thankfully Bruce has been watching as Batman and follows.

You wake up tied to a chair around a tea table. Alicia is tied to another chair in an Alice-in-Wonderland costume, looking terrified. 

Jervis Tetch reveals himself and points out his minions, enslaved with his mind control headwear.

“Very spiffy, if I do say so myself.” you say cheerily. “Quite the milliner you are, my good sir.” (Alicia looks at you like you’re crazy)

Jervis loves the flattery, and it distracts him long enough for Batman to smash through the glass ceiling and knock the hat off his head, disabling the control.

Sure, no one was hurt much, but needless to say you would have to visit Alicia and Roland in the future instead of ever having them come to Gotham...

Hush - Dr. Tommy Elliot

“We’re having lunch with an old friend of mine.” Bruce announces.

You raise an eyebrow. “Wait a minute. Why don’t I know who this is? We have pretty much all the same old friends. I mean, we were together, like, all the time.”

“You remember Tommy, right?”

“Tommy? No, Tommy doesn’t ring a bell, hon.”

Bruce sighs, and you laugh. This is as animated as you’ve seen him in a while. “Come on, Tommy Elliot! Back when we were little! We used to play Robin Hood together in the park, and you two always fought over who got to be the Sheriff of Nottingham?”

“Yeah, nope. No memory of that.”

He sighs, but you go with him anyway. It hits you when you see the man at the restaurant. He was that kid! His parents were friends with Bruce’s parents. They had almost died in an accident when Bruce’s dad saved them.

He’d always try to play this strategy game thing with you and Bruce. It was only two players, and while he’d always beat Bruce (your husband wasn’t always the tactician he was now), he’d get really frustrated playing against you.

Tommy liked to try and get inside your head to beat you, figure out what you were going to do and then planning for it.

But you could tell what he was doing, and kept doing random moves you wouldn’t normally play, throwing him off and winning.

You didn’t like him much, and you kinda got the feeling he didn’t like Bruce that much either.

“Oh. That Tommy.”

Bruce looks at your worried face. “What’s wrong? If you really don’t want to, we can cancel.”

“Oh, hush. We’re already here. Least we can do is have a nice lunch...”

Zsasz - Victor Zsasz

It’s never a good sign when a payphone rings. So many bad reasons...

Not the least of which is that barely anyone even uses payphones anymore.

Let alone to call another payphone. I mean, how does that even work?

So it startles you when you’re walking Gotham (during the day, of course), and a payphone rings. No one else is around to answer it. 

You start to walk away, and then the next payphone rings when you reach it.

The other guy near it jumps like fifty feet in the air, but then goes to answer it.

He looks scared. “It’s... it’s for you.”

You sigh and take the phone

“Ignoring my calls? Naughty...”

“Um... wrong number. This is a payphone, not, uh, whoever you were calling.”

“This isn’t Y/N Wayne?”

“Yeah, no, it isn’t. May I ask who’s calling, though?”

“I know it’s you, Y/N. You don’t know me. Yet.”

“Look, I know Halloween’s coming up, but I’m not in the mood for Scream right now, okay?”

“This isn’t a scary movie, it’s real. My name is Zsasz.”

“Z- zsa... okay, how is that spelled?”

“Z. S. A. S. Z.”

“Oh, that’s beautiful. If you don’t mind me asking, is that Polish?”

“...What?”

“Sorry, I have to run, but it was nice talking to you!”

You run home and immediately tell Bruce you talked to Zsasz. Luckily you were running a trace with your phone - a little extra Tim developed for you. Within the hour, Batman has Zsasz in custody, saving the poor people he had kidnapped to add to his tally...

Klarion the Witch Boy

“Oh, hello! Who are you, little guy?”

The orange tabby glares at you with utter hate. It flicks its tail, but surprisingly, comes closer and curls around your legs.

It allows you to pick it up, and it purrs.

“Teekl! My word!” a boy comes running up to you, wearing a tailored suit and a newsboy cap. 

The boy snatches the tabby from you and pets it, despite how it looks like it wants to go back to you. “What were you doing with Teekl?”

“That’s its name? He’s a cute little guy. Uh, he just wandered in front of me and basically asked me to pet him.”

The boy glares at the cat. “You TALKED to him?”

The cat looks at him and rolls its eyes.

“Um, who are you, kid?”

He looks at you incredulously. “Seriously, mortal? You haven’t heard of me? I am Klarion! Klarion the Witch Boy! And this is my familiar, Teekl.”

You nod seriously. “Good for you, kid.”

He seems about to throw a tantrum, so you wave and leave the boy dumbfounded...

The Court of Owls

“Beware the Court of Owls, that watches all the time,

Ruling Gotham from a shadowed perch, behind granite and lime.

They watch you at your hearth, they watch you in your bed,

Speak not a whispered word of them

Or they’ll send the Talon for your head...”

“That’s a stupid poem. It doesn’t even keep time.”

“It’s free verse.”

“Yeah, free ‘cause no one would pay for it.”

You and Bruce were only kids when you heard the old rhyme. Bruce was trying to scare you as a Halloween season joke, but it wasn’t working.

“Come on, Y/N! At least pretend to play along!”

Thomas Wayne enters the living room, and pretends to scold Bruce. “Now, Bruce, be hospitable to your guest. What’s the argument about?”

You smirk. “Bruce says that there’s a Court of Owls who eat limes and put talons on people’s heads.”

Thomas hunches down, making a spooky face. “Well, Y/N, it’s an old Gotham story. It’s a very bad thing that Bruce told you. You’ll have to be very careful now.”

He looks dead serious, and now you’re scared. “Really? What should I do, Mr. Wayne?”

He puts a hand on your shoulder. “You’ll have to be a very good kid all your life, Y/N. Never go out after dark without your parents’ permission. Don’t ever cheat on a test. Don’t lie. And if you ever see someone in an Owl mask, look the other way and forget you saw it.”

He grins, dropping the facade. “I’m sorry, Y/N, I just couldn’t help it. Hope I didn’t scare you too badly.”

Being a stubborn child, you insist he didn’t. After all, you’re old enough not to be scared by that stuff anymore.

But on the way home, after your parents pick you up, you notice something.

A tall figure in an alley, wearing a stylized white Owl mask.

You quickly look away, trying to put it out of your head, mumbling the rhyme to yourself.

“Beware the Court of Owls...”

You forget about this until far later in life, after you, as Y/N Wayne, have become an enemy of the dreaded Court...

[druckenglish]

Extra Episode: “Graduation”

Alex: Mia Winter, isn’t that a bit early?

Mia: I just wanna be prepared. Is that so bad?

Alex: No, but, doesn’t your train only leave next week?

Mia: Yes, but I don’t want to sit in Madrid in some flat and then something important is missing

Alex: Let’s do something together

Mia: What?

Alex: Jumping naked into the Wannsee (lake in Berlin) and scare retirees

Mia: Totally!

Alex. Oh really?

Mia: Yes. But actually the girls and I planned on looking for dresses for the graduation party

Alex: Can’t you do that some other time?

Mia: No

Alex: Okay

Mia: That’s yours

Alex: You can take it with you. Mia?

Mia: Yes?

Alex: Are you happy to get rid of me?

Mia: What if all of this doesn’t work out? You in London, me in Madrid

Alex: There’s FaceTime. And skype sex

Mia: You aren’t taking this serious at all

Alex: Of course I’m taking this serious. We’ll visit each other

Mia: Yes, and then we’ll both have much to do and stress and no time for each other

Alex: I like your optimism

Mia: I’m only being realistic

Alex: Mia I believe you’re underestimating me a bit

Mia: Am I?

Alex: Yes. I can occupy myself quite well, without you

Mia: That’s not what I want

Alex: Then that’s good. Listen: You’ll finish packing, I’ll make us some hot cocoa und then I’ll drive you to your friends. Okay?

Mia: Thank you!

Alex: No problem

Mia: Alexander Hardenberg, I’m not happy at all to get rid of you

David: Okay, let’s go, what do you know about Luis Sepúlveda?

Matteo: I don’t know

David: Do you want to study or not?

Matteo: I am studying, basically perusing

David: I’m really wondering how you managed to fail despite your crib

Matteo: I didn’t fail, it’s a retest. I was distracted

David: Are you trying to make me feel guilty?

Matteo: What, no, no way

David: Hhmm

Matteo: What?

David: Maybe you should study with Amira after all

Matteo: *denying hum* What?

David: I really don’t want you to fail

Matteo: I won’t fail

David: Okay. Quite nice actually. I’ve always wanted to date a senior as a student (student in university). I can take you to school, pick you up, help you with your homework

Matteo: You won

David: I’m looking forward

Matteo: To what?

David: To us. And everything that is to come

Matteo: Sshh, I have to study

Kiki: How much longer is this gonna take? Is Carlos Schmidt done yet?

Teacher: No, that’s gonna take a bit longer

Kiki: Fuck! Are they vegan?

David: No idea

Kiki: Doesn’t matter anyway

Jonas: And?

Hanna: Mr Skrotzki was delighted

Amira: Congratulations!

Jonas: Well done!

Hanna: Were you worried?

Jonas: You had a good teacher, of course not. No, I’m proud of you!

Hanna: Thanks!

Jonas: I have something for you

Hanna: Hold on

Guy: Hey! How was it?

Hanna: I passed

Guy: Yes!

Hanna: But I never would’ve made it without Jonas. I’ll go for a minute, okay?

David: Everything okay?

Jonas: Sure. All good!

Amira (?): So cool, that Hanna made it after all

Jonas: Yes, totally!

Hanna: Yes, but you didn’t have to take a retest

David: And?

Everybody: *happy remarks*

Matteo: I had a good teacher

David: Now suddenly?

Matteo: What about Carlos?

Kiki: He’s been in there for way too long. That’s not a good sign at all

Jonas: Hey, don’t worry, he’ll make it!

Amira: Yes, inshallah

David: Inshallah

Matteo: Inshallah

Matteo: Okay boys, wanna go smoke some weed?

David: Yes

Jonas: Definitely! Are you coming with us?

Amira: Did we miss anything?

Mia: The crew boss has to take a sip as well

Amira: Kiki, let’s see your certificate (report card)

Kiki: Yes

Amira: Wow, 2.0, not bad!

Kiki: Thanks!

Mia: And you? Let’s see

Amira: No

Girl squad: Show us!

Amira: No, Mia!

Mia: And … it’s … oh my god!

Sam: What?

Mia: 1.2

Sam: Wow

Kiki: Insane

Mia: Congratulations!

Amira: Thanks habibi! I was just really lucky in my exams

Mia: Sure, luck

Kiki: I feel so sorry for Carlos for not making it

Mia: How’s he doing?

Kiki: Not that great

Amira: What is he gonna do now?

Kiki: Repeat 12th grade

Sam: Could be good. Then he has more time to think about his life

Mia: Why? Everything that’s fun starts now

Kiki: He asked me if we want to move in together

Mia: Seriously? And do you want to?

Kiki: Yes of course, it’s super cool

Mia: Okay

Sam: I’ll come visit you

Amira: And I’ll help paint

Sam: Do you wanna go to the lake?

Mia: Yes!

Sam: It’s so chill there, let’s go right away

Amira: Okay

Sam: Ey! You wanna come with us?

Jonas: Where to?

Sam: The lake

Jonas: Yes, let’s go

Sam: Kiki?

Kiki: I’d love to come but I’m gonna check up on Carlos

Amira: Okay. Say hi from us!

Kiki: I will

Sam: Bye!

Kiki: Bye! Have fun!

Text from Zoe: Can you come home? Mom isn’t feeling well

Text to Zoe: Yes, I’ll be home right away

Amira: Guys, wanna go to the buffet?

Hanna: Yes

Sam: I’ll be back in a second

Mia: Okay

Abdi: Wow! Super nice!

Sam: What?

Abdi: The location

Sam: Yes, that’s nice

Abdi: Hey Sam, why didn’t you want my lollipop?

Sam: You know, there’s so many lollipops in this world

Abdi: Sam, I want to have intercourse with you. Or just make out. That’s totally fine with me. I have a super long tongue, longer than usual, well, not that it’s gross, you know what I mean, it’s not that long. Hi!

Alex: Hi

Abdi: But it’s longer than usually

Sam: Okay

Abdi: Okay what?

Girl: See ya

Alex: *Couldn’t really understand what he said, something about something being warm* See you later

Jonas: Yes, definitely *he then goes on to order something to drink*

Stefan: Hey. So you’re famous Jonas. Hanna’s a big fan of yours

Jonas: Nice

Stefan: I think it’s great how you can be such good friends. I didn’t speak another word with my first girlfriend after breaking up. I wouldn’t have managed that at your age

Jonas: Yeah well, and you’re working, right?

Stefan: Yes. Sometimes. It’s really stressful, you kinda wanna go back to school

Jonas: Yeah...and what exactly do you do?

Stefan: Greenpeace. Bu not on the dinghies, very boring in project management. And what plans do you have?

Jonas: Uhm, well, ...

Matteo: Na, a really cool party, right?

Stefan: Yes. Hi, I’m Stefan. Hanna’s boyfriend

David: Matteo’s boyfriend

Stefan: We’re talking about plans for the future

Jonas: Yes

Matteo: I’m taking a gap year

Stefan: I see, okay, where?

Matteo: In Moabit (district in Berlin)

Stefan: Ah

Matteo: Wanna go see who’s inside? Cool, well then

Stefan: Guys, have fun

Jonas: Bye

Amira: No no no, it’s my graduation, I just don’t want you to come. Please, it’s just... Hey, everything okay?

Leonie: Hello, may I have your attention please? Wow, 12 years are a long time. We went through good and bad times, got into fights with teachers

Random dude: Sorry!

Leonie: Fought among each other and despite everything we’re all here now and we made it. And that’s why we’ll keep going with the award ceremony and that will of course be presented by Kiki Machwitz

Kiki: I’m not really a fan of contests, but now we’ll get to the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the graduation couple of 2019...Matteo Florenzi and David Schreibner

Matteo: No, no, no, no no no

Speaker voice: Abi chaker clan won’t forget you

Jonas: Out, everybody out!

Hanna: Girls, I’m gonna miss you so much!

Amira: Okay, before anyone of you starts crying, group hug

Kiki: I love you so much girls

Hanna: We’ll promise each other that after school we’ll still be in touch this much

Amira: Even if we aren’t together

Mia: Promise

Amira: Everyday

Kiki: Definitely

Hanna: Okay, cheers

Sam: And now we’ll dance

Amira: I’ll join you in a second

Kiki: Okay

Amira: Hey

Matteo: Yeah, da queen. That suits you way better than me

David: Are you coming?

Matteo: Yes

Sam: You can be my bootycall if you want to

Amira: I told you not to come

Essam: We wanted to surprise you

Guy in blue: Congratulations on your Abitur little sister

Amira: Thanks

Kiki: Please, please Carlos, it would be so nice if you came

Amira: Essam, don’t embarrass me, no, no no

Essam: See you later guys

Kiki: Yes, okay I’ll call you again later, bye

Essam: Do you wanna dance?

Kiki: Yeah

Ger!Yousef: Hey

Amira: Hi

[crimsonblackrose]

2019 is over and seeing 2020 on my calendar is strange. I had planned to go to bed early and get a lot of things done today, but instead I’ve found myself just wanting to spend my day resting.

My mindset this year was, it’s my last year in Korea so if there’s something I want to do, do it.

January

In January I was teaching my final camp (a cooking camp) for my country school and saying goodbye to friends who were going home.

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February

In February I was desperate to make up for 2018. I wanted to go back to the states and try to have a time that didn’t…emotionally scar me and the results were…better? I got to spend my 27th birthday with my family. I got to play with my baby cousins and eat delicious cake (I’ve missed American cake) and I got to visit LA for the first time and see friends and it was both too short and at times too long. My phone, which I dropped at Monkey Mountain during the previous summer in Japan, also finally died from water damage. And I awkwardly ran into Target to get a prepaid phone to survive on for the rest of my trip and when they asked if I wanted insurance I laughed and said “No, I’m leaving the country.” And then belatedly realized how creepy that sounded, like I was on the run and I’ve never sped walked out of a Target so fast and so embarrassed, which I’m sure didn’t help.

Before I moved out of Gapyeong I  also made sure I did everything I wanted, which meant taking myself to see le Petite France before I moved. And I did and then I moved to Gunpo. A friend helped me find someone to help me move which was essentially a guy with a truck.  It was a long journey with lots of traffic and I was worried about being late to meet my new coteacher, but it turned out it was all fine because my room wasn’t ready yet. My driver even fell asleep while we stopped at rest stop so I could use the bathroom. One of the reasons I’m always glad I always have a book with me. It was not a fun move, I forgot my coat in the back of his truck since he took it from me and threw it in the backseat when I got in, and I was so stressed with getting everything out of the truck and into the hallway that it slipped my mind. I had to pay him to come and bring my coat back to me. And then I spent several hours sitting in the hallway waiting for my room to be ready.

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March

This brought on the spring of flowers. I’ve never spent so much of my spring immersed in flowers and I kind of loved it. I started my March off with adjusting to my new town and my new job. I got to meet other teachers in the area, I enjoyed life in a city which was insanely lovely in comparison to my old tiny town and the going away gifts my coworkers had given me from homemade candles to Gong Cha free drink coupons. I even met up with new friends I’d made. The adjustment to my new job was rough, there was so much to learn and there were so many more students and classes and coworkers than I had ever had in my 4 years at my old school.

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April

April found me on a bus to Jinhae to follow the Cherry Blossoms and back to Gunpo to enjoy the Royal Azalea festival. It also had maybe one of my busiest days, which was Nathalie’s birthday and Mika’s wedding party.  I also stayed at a jimjilbang for the first time.

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May

In May I was in Singapore surrounded by Orchids and heat, humidity, and rain. I also went to Goyang for one of the most beautiful and intense flower festivals I’ve ever seen. It was also when we threw my friend Esme her Alice in Wonderland themed tea party bridal party and when I went to a lot of festivals and took the start of my tea classes with Kew and Leaves.

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June

June brought Esme’s wedding and it was fun to help out and be part of the behind the scenes of a wedding in Korea. I also went to a popular Korean hair style chain where I got a cute short expensive hair cut that I loved but when I got home I realized they’d completely missed a chunk of my hair which greatly disillusioned me with the chain. And in an effort to deal with some stress I tried learning traditional Korean wrapping and making an embroidery project as well as taking some a matcha course. Which I needed because I was in pain, it was vague and eventually turned into chest pains as the months progressed.

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July

July brought my first camp at my new school which was very different from my old camps on almost every way and more stress. It also brought new waves of goodbyes of friends heading home. My chest pains got worse in July and of course I googled them which sent me into a panic so I went to several doctors and there’s a good chance it’s from stress, so that’s fun.

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 August

August found me in Japan again. This time my big trip with a plan of visiting Hokkaido and the hopes to finish everything I wanted to do in Japan. It was full of misadventures and very hot but it was also fun. I also finally made it to Seoul Comic Con. It also found me with ear infections and what probably was/is tendinitis.

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September

In September I returned to Taiwan to visit Taipei on my own. It was very hot and during a holiday that meant a lot of places were closed so I went out of my way for places that were closed. It also found me with visitors to show around and a rather scary fever where the doctors told me either I had a cold or my liver was failing and that was not fun to hear. It was just a cold.

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October

In October I decided to start Adventuring Bibliophile as a Instagram and I tried several ways to make it it’s own blog only to get very frustrated.  My school had it’s school festival and I went on an insane flight to get home for a wedding. I was in the states for a day. I’ve never cried so much during a wedding. But I also never ever want to do such an insane trip where I spend more time in the air then on the ground ever again, especially not on an airline that’s so cheap. My school also took us to see the musical Marie Antoinette and I hosted a Halloween Party.

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November

November found me wedding crashing an old coworkers wedding. (Not wedding crashing in Korean culture, but definitely in American culture) It was so weird to see my old coworkers and I didn’t get to chat with a lot of the ones I wanted to and just found myself awkwardly not sure what to do, having not expected showing up late or staying. Then I went to the silver grass festival which was not something to do on a poor air quality day since it requires a lot of hiking and not something I particularly enjoyed to do in my dress. I made kimchi, I celebrated Thanksgiving with friends and tried an escape room for the first time.

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December

In December I was pretty bummed. The air quality was bad, classes were ending and I didn’t get an opportunity to really say goodbye to my students and tell them that no one would be replacing me. My job is gone and I’m the last teacher to have this position. I got to tell one class and we had a mini party which was delightful and touching. I also learned that the teacher who replaced me at my old school have also found their contract without a chance for renewal due to similar budget cuts. My friends are mostly all moving or also leaving and I spent much of December sort of frozen in fear. Where do I send all my stuff? Who do I give it to? None of it can stay and I don’t know where to send it. It’s overwhelming. My school had ceramic teachers come and teach us how to make traditional ceramic pieces in Korean style. But I found the process stressful. I made a mug but despite liking how it turned out, a bit like a tree stump, they told me it required too much work to fix to show me how to do the Korean style bits. So a coworker rushed to help me make a plate in the hopes that I could do the Korean aspect with it, only to be told again that it would take too long to fix. In the end when I got back my mug they hadn’t done the the thing I requested and the mug looks nothing like what I gave them. I was not happy. The plate didn’t come back. I tried to watch my students graduate only to learn that the space was too small and cramped to actually watch the graduation and then I was whisked off into a meeting so I couldn’t say goodbye to any of them afterwards. My Christmas traditions didn’t happen and it made me feel so much worse. All I wanted was to be home. And I ended the year feeling nervous, winter in 2018 was a wreck with family emergencies and pain and every small thing makes me so much more twisted up about being away.

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I don’t feel like I had a busy 2019 but when I look at everything I did it really was busy. I get why my coworkers and even one friend told me you’re always so busy. But it’s my last year in Korea and I’m trying to do everything I want to. I also am also trying to be more social and get out more now that I have the opportunity. I didn’t try as hard after my mother died and so I tried really really hard this year to push forward and I don’t know whether I did it in a healing way or in a way that burnt me out by the time I reached the end of the year. I also spent a lot of time this year going to the hospital, usually only to find out it was due to stress. It seems I react to stress physically so I don’t always noticed how stressed I am, unless I’m unable to sleep. And I had a lot of difficulty throughout this year sleeping.

A Review of last years Resolutions

Last year I tried my hand at resolutions.

I wanted to cook and bake more. I did do some before I left and this winter, but my new place didn’t come with an oven or a rice cooker, so baking didn’t happen. I did cook more but I also got sick of the things I made for myself fairly quickly. But I do think overall my diet has been healthier than it was in the country side. But it helps that the grocery store has lots of different types of things and is open past 6pm.

I did catch up with my podcasts but then with my reoccurring ear infections I stopped listening for awhile in a try to figure out what was causing it, even though my headphones were suppose to be fine. So I’m behind again.

I moved. And well, I’m moving again. Fun.

I didn’t want to regret moving. And that’s a toss up. I love where I live now. I love living in the city and I like my coworkers and my students but I taught at my old school for 4 years. I miss my coworkers, I miss our lunches, I miss all the big open spaces and the quiet and the stars and I do occasionally regret leaving my kids because I get messages of “Teacher when are you coming back?” and it breaks my heart.

Travel to: Singapore √,  Hong Kong x, Taipei √ , Japan √  (Okinawa x), home for wedding √, home for funeral X

Finish all the physical books I have (working on it, but I did finish the books I listed)

Go out more √ , spend more time in nature √ , spend time with friends √ , call home once a week √ , yoga and mediate x, learn something new √

The end of a decade

It’s really weird to realize it’s 2020. I graduated high school in 2010. Which means the majority of my life alone has been within this last decade, my time as a young adult. I don’t think high school me or even kid me would have guessed what I did. But maybe I would’ve. I always knew I wanted to leave the states and travel. But I was a huge scardy cat. I think though I would’ve expected to have gone to Japan though rather then South Korea. I graduated high school, went to college, lived in Chicago, wrote a lot, was an RA, met some amazing people, explored the city, started a blog, became a tutor, studied abroad in Prague, spent a spring break in London, organized and  hosted a ridiculous amount of events, graduated college with a BFA and after studying from some really cool writers and artists, moved across the globe to RURAL South Korea, made new friends, taught elementary school kids, explored, traveled with friends, traveled on my own, visited 8 different countries, wrote A LOT.  While I don’t feel like I’m where I wanted to be, I still have to be proud of the things I have accomplished.

The Future

I’m not going to do resolutions this year. I’m going to go back to doing gentle goals. Because I know this new year is going to be rough and I need to be gentle with myself. I’m at a crossroads that every friend before me who has taken has spoken to me with warnings and a tinge of regret. Moving back home is difficult. My aunt did it and said she felt like she left part of her soul somewhere over the ocean. I don’t know what I’m going to do. But I know there are some things I Have to do. Some are difficult and others less so.

Finish sending gifts home. (So late on holiday gifts. December caught me like a deer in headlights and I’ve been feeling stuck)

Start giving things away or selling them. My school isn’t keeping my apartment so everything that is mine must go. That’s 5 years worth of my life on my own. 5 years worth of memories I have to go through and make drastic decisions on.

Whatever I want to keep must fit in my suitcases or be shipped home.

Eat as much of my food as possible.

Drink as much of my tea as possible. (As much as I love the idea of coming home with tea from all sorts of different countries it also means less space for things like clothes)

Finish all the books on my bookcase

Buy my ticket home.

Close up accounts, do paperwork.

Have mothers funeral

Deal with mother’s things

Family vacation?

Go through all my stuff that my aunt has been watching

Figure out my life

Okay so that last one isn’t some gentle thing. I honestly don’t have an answer for it. I have half baked plans, but none of them are long term. Which kind of stresses me out. And really that’s all stuff I have to do like a to-do list not really goals. Okay, let me try that again.

Rest

write more and edit

spend time with family and friends

travel when possible.

Current planned trips, later this month:

Paris, France

Okinawa, Japan

Go to more bookish places in Korea

eat delicious foods I’ve missed

enjoy a bath

enjoy a dryer

Cook, bake, exercise, spend time in nature and with animals

Not sure if that’s better but it feels better. I feel like there’s so much that has to get done that the thought of what I’m doing after is too difficult to fathom. So I’m doing my best putting one foot in front of the other at the moment.

How was your decade? What do you hope to do in this new one?

Happy New year! May your 2020 bring you wonderful things.

  Year in Review- 2019 2019 is over and seeing 2020 on my calendar is strange. I had planned to go to bed early and get a lot of things done today, but instead I've found myself just wanting to spend my day resting.

[oldmancopper]

Spring 2019 and Fall 2019 Course Evaluations

No real time for fancy graphics - can’t figure out if I ever posted my Spring 2019 evaluations here, so, here’s a compilation of 2019 Evaluations:

Spring 2019

2001 

-Engaging classes, with lots of back and forth. Excellent Professor.

-When I registered for this class I really thought that it was going to be boring because I can't stand lectures, but I was so wrong. Professor Y_______ created lectures that were extremely interesting and had great value to us as game majors as well as teaching us things about how the industry works as a whole. The assignments were always very relevant to the course and I really feel like I've gotten something out of this class. Not only were the lectures interesting, but they were fun and engaging as well. I really enjoyed this class.

3900 

Professor Y_____ gave great info and advice when he taught the class. But unfortunately, his presentations were far and few in between. Instead, he more so looked over and guided the class from the background. I would love to have seen some more lectures.

3175

- I think a smaller class size would benefit all of the students more (although I know that's not up to you).

-Very nice system of having students choose topics they find important

2175 

-Great professor, class can be hard.

-Really enjoyed the class in total.

- This is honestly one of the best classes I have taken at backer. I feel like I have gained the most out of this class than any other class. W___ is awesome.

- Extremely useful course

• Overall, this is one of the best classes I have taken at B_____r thus far. Professor Y_____ is very knowledgeable in the games industry, and very clearly knows what he is talking about. As with anything, there are a couple of things that could be addressed. Although assignments are graded more quickly than most other classes, there is still the occasional assignment or two that are graded a few weeks later, and it is hard to go back that long ago and redo an assignment like that if need be. The quizzes are handled in a way that is particularly stressful. Although they are a true test of what you have learned, expecting people to get low scores and then curving up afterward turns into a waiting game afterward, which sometimes takes several weeks to figure out what your true score actually is. This brings down your overall grade for a few weeks, and provides an unneeded source of stress.

- This course went well! It's a shame that so much of the class-time was lost to Holidays or snow days. But either way the only thing I wish was included, would be more stories of the professor's personal experience. Experience is "the best teacher" as many says, and hearing the stories of someone with lots of industry-related experience would benefit the class greatly in the future.

3901

Live Studio is the reason I'm still at B____r. There is so much value in what W___ and M____ are providing us students. They preach about data-driven design, proper implementation and usage of analytics, and are happy to share their vast array of experiences as well as contacts. However, it is mostly student driven, with us making games 80% of the time during class. But they are always around to provide guidance and steer us in the correct direction. They will allow us to fail, but only so that we grow, and they make sure we understand why we failed. It is an excellent course, and I am endlessly grateful for what I've learned and the opportunities I have been provided with because of it.

W___ Y_____ is the best professor at B____r College. What he teaches goes far beyond the classroom.

-Live was a blast. I'm honestly sad I cant take it next semester.

-Live studio is an amazing interactive class that is meant for students who are serious about working in a professional environment along side other students who have a good work ethic and are willing to push their boundaries to the limit for the benefit of their future and knowledge for themselves and others. Changing the registration of the class to anything but interviews, portfolios, and references would make the quality of live decrease immensely due to the poor work ethic and lack of ability in certain student groups. Keeping the high standards of live will make sure that the work that comes out of the studio will guarantee finished products and great experiences for the working students and their portfolios for when they graduate and need to get a job in their specialized fields.

-This was an amazing class to be a part of. It really felt like I was in an internship. The atmosphere was professional, but laid back too. The professors were incredible to talk and work with. They gave great advice that has helped me connect with other people in the industry. Live is an incredible course and I look forward to working with them again next semester!

3901L

You guys gotta get better with your lectures. They're highly informative, but you guys tend to go off topic and make the lecture 30 min longer than it needs to be. I love listening to you both talk, but it really eats into our studio time sometimes.

Fall 2019

2175

• 10/10 would have rotisserie chicken at 10:30 am again.

• Despite the issues I had with completing assignments (the subject matter wasn't too difficult it was a variety of issues mainly outside of school) I enjoyed this class greatly. W___ is a great teacher arguably my favorite professor that I've had in my time at this school. I've taken a few of his class just because he makes the subject matter interesting and easy to understand.

• Highly Recommend this class to pretty much everyone in my major, as well as other game design majors. The amount of problem solving and crucial information to how to handle the real world is too good to pass up. I don't believe i've ever had a class that i've wanted more of when the final exams start coming up. Highest recommendation for this class to become mandatory to the game design major

• I hope he enjoys our Christmas present

2175

• Have not learned anything in this course. Most of his "lectures" are flooded with irrelevant anecdotes. The quality of his quizzes and tests are terrible because the answers are completely subjective. Unless you remember and catch everything he says in class, it's impossible to get a perfect score on any of his quizzes or tests because you can't find a majority of his information online. There's simply no possible way to study his material. If the tests and quizzes weren't multiple choice, I can confidently say that all of us would have failed.

• I would have liked there to be more homework assignments throughout the course that reinforce the important concepts that were tested during quizzes and exams.

• All assignments and in class conversations were geared towards game students, felt unengaging as someone who doesn't care as much about making games. We should be allowed to pitch nongame ideas for software for the future.

• Professor is great and knows what he is talking about. Would have him again.

• This is a really good course for students to learn some bits and pieces of the management side of thing in the field of game development.

• A very rewarding course experience. Much was learned from this class and it helped shape my future by helping me realize what I want to pursue in my professional career.

• This class was insanely helpful in figuring out what I would like to do with my career. Turns out, being a producer is not my thing but knowing elements of productions will absolutely help me in my career to better work with producers and project managers.

3901

This class consistently pushes me to be my best. M___ and W__push us to be goal driven individuals, there's no random acts of gamedev in this class. It feels less like a class and more of a serious project, we know what needs to be done, we know how divide up tasks, and we know the definition of done. This is the class I'm so glad I got to take, I've grown so much as a person because of it. It's insane how much I've learned from this. The lectures are so important- we learn about the business and marketing side of games, we understand concepts that most students never get to touch. I'm excited for the next version of live, it can only get better!

• Easily one of my favorite classes. I love being able to work on a professional game. I feel like I work best on small teams, so this class is perfect for me. My team was amazing to work with and we got so much done this semester. I really love getting feedback from them and the professors. The professors were especially helpful in giving me tips for working in the industry. They are just fun in general to speak with. Overall, this is one of my best classes.

[designintothoughtvmk]

It’s Been a Ride 

blog post #10 for this semester 

The idea of my university life to be done is honestly surreal. I have been feeling like I have just arrived in Nanaimo, and applied to VIU. The fact that I’ve been attending VIU for four years is insane and literally flew by. 

I’m so thankful how everything turned out and wish I could have reassured myself when I was applying to universities. Flying and doing school out here was a gamble but I am so so beyond happy, I decided to come to the island and this school. 

This last semester has been extremely fast paced but Im proud of all the ground work myself and our grad show team was able to accomplish last semester. That way I don't feel as stressed about graduating as I did last semester because there are less unknowns now. 

I’m pretty proud of the work I have completed this semester and more so the knowledge. There are so many things I want to change and adapt with what I know now; in branding myself and entering the graphic design field. Overall, way more calm with the idea of my future and what to expect somewhat.

Now, in terms of next steps that’s hard to say. There’s practical ones, like finishing classes, completing my website design, going to the grad show, adding the feedback to my portfolio from the coworker night, and going to convocation in June. Then on the other hand there is the more distant goals of where I will apply for work and where I will travel in the next few years and if I’ll be in a firm or a freelance artist. Yet, I would prefer to be in a design firm at first just to get a sense of structure of project and designing as a full time job! Hoping to be in Victoria a year from now but who knows!

Thank you for this semester and guidance,

Vanessa K

[luciahunter6]

Favourite moments of 2018

Just before the year closes out, I thought I’ll run through my best moments of 2018. Here they are in chronological order:

End January: Extensive 4-day Numazu pilgrimage. This wasn’t my first trip down here, but it was my first one after they introduced the stamp rally. Also, it was the longest I ever stayed down there. Freezing my ass off on the cold Senbonhama beach, visiting Mission Bay for their fluffy pancakes, a whole lot of cycling until my butt hurt. It was a genuinely relaxing experience after a stressful event I helped organize, the town’s vibe is really just soothing when you’re into LL. 

Early Feb: Taiwan for Aqours Fan Meeting. I never thought I would fly to one of the East Asian countries just for a Fan Meeting level of event, but I absolutely did not regret this one at all. Excellent production value, superb selection of fan-letters, questions and mini-games, as well as a really great team of translators that TLed and retained nuances of their sentences and jokes without delay. My seats were plenty decent so it was a good view, and I also distinctly remember all the fan projects they set up. I was awed by the love of the local fan community, they’re good people. Also I’ve never been to Taiwan before so it was a good experience seeing new things. There was also a post-apocalyptic vibe in the night cityscape after the rain which I have fond memories of.

Mid May: Running into Wendy online over Discord again after 4-5 years apart? This seems like a weird thing to include here but basically back in the day when we were into Love Live!, we were both authors who would talk about our fics. And then subsequently she invited me into a LisaYuki server where I’ve met some really great people- people I’m not close to by any means, but they still show me more support than I deserve. All in all, I’m really grateful for this chance encounter for all the wonderful people I’m thankful to have met. Mid May: BanG Dream! 5th Live. This isn’t a good moment, but a painful one. I’ve talked a lot about how my planning for 5L DV started since last year, but this was one of the first moments that actually cemented my personal, emotional commitment to it. I cried a lot during this period after watching the videos, even if I hadn’t been following them beforehand. I’m still not sure why. I guess this was when I truly became fully devoted. This might also be the first time I acknowledged and put into words just what I had been doing up to that point: my personal mission to show other people the dreams that I was once shown.

Early-Mid June: Aqours 3rd Live trip. This was a hurricane trip starting with 3L Saitama, /r/LL offkai, a Numazu pilgrimage and then 3L Osaka. I really loved staying at Awashima Hotel- with a suite split between four people, it’s honestly not that bad price-wise. Having cars for us to do our pilgrimage was also pretty cool, I got to hit up spots I never would’ve been able to do otherwise, such as that mountain-top parking lot. 3L Osaka was also decently good, definitely better than Saitama. I mean overall 3L was pretty bad setlist-wise, but at least the experience was improved. But my favourite memory of 3L Osaka was our two Airbnbs: I was staying at ONIBE Airbnb on one end, and Whales Airbnb was a 5-minute walk away. On the last night, most of us just crammed around the Whales’ dining table and talked for a couple of hours. I was distinctly struck by the feeling of this Sado concept, 一期一会 (lit. One chance, one meeting). Every single meetup is precious, every moment is once in a lifetime. I love these people, and times like this is when I realise how insanely cool it is that such a connection can happen between people from such diverse walks of life around the world. That’s the power of our hobby.

Early August: BanG Dream! 5L DV in SG, Japan Park. The moment of catharsis here was real, watching everything come to fruition after a lengthy struggle. This was definitely my most impressionable moment and my achievement of the year. Finally being able to set that burden down was such an impossible relief. And the gifts and fan messages I received- irreplaceable. There were many things that could’ve gone wrong along the way, but were fine thanks to support and guidance from the people around me. Given the chance, I would like to challenge myself in similar ways in the future to see where I can further improve.

Mid September: Roselia Fan Meeting. I had committed to this one shortly after hearing about Akesan’s graduation. After being unable to attend 5L, I knew I didn’t want to sit by idly and be unable to witness this happening all over again. And thankfully, I made it into the night session with my own code from my own CD (my 3 donated ones failed heh). Night also kindly provided me with a ticket for the day session, so I was able to attend both. This was actually my first time witnessing a Roselia performance live. I still remember the excellent pacing of the sessions, and the fun questions and fanmail. And the live segments- watching Yukki’s performance was the first time I was truly able to accept her as Lisa in my eyes. Seeing them perform was amazing. Of course, those hand-written messages during the end of the night session, which caused literally everyone to break down aside from Akesan. And their final appearance back on stage as a band of four, asking for permission to turn their next event into a live performance. It was one of Roselia’s most powerful moments that I was grateful to have witnessed first-hand.

Early November: Writing my first fanfic in years. This is a minor one but something else I’m proud of. Writing a new piece was one of my goals for 2017 that I hadn’t been able to complete. I was glad I could do this again in 2018 with the help of Bandori.

Early November: Roselia Live Vier. Specifically, the reveal of Shizaki Kanon for the encore. Even though I knew what was coming beforehand, I was caught up in the hype: there was a seriously epic moment when the audience realised what they were in for as her back appeared in the pre-encore video. The noise went off the charts, and it only went even crazier as the staff came out onto stage to wheel the drums to one side. Absolutely lovely production.

Mid November: CharaExpo USA. Another insane rush with the costume project. This was honestly one of the most stressful things I had to do, almost as difficult as Japan Park & 5L DVs. But we pulled through together in the end, as a team, as a community. Of course, finally being able to meet a whole bunch of people I’ve been waiting to meet was amazing as well. And the fan messages I got, which I was really thankful for- they give me the courage to keep pushing on, to do what’s best for everyone. And oh, that moment when Nonchan made her surprise appearance on stage as well. I made sure I was there to witness the crowd’s reaction from the back and it certainly didn’t disappoint. Was even crazier than Vier’s audience, honestly.

Early December: BanG Dream! 6L Day 1: Brave New World by RAISE A SUILEN. Sneaking in just at the end of the year, RAS's live was a surprising contender for memorable moments of the year. I’ve always liked Electronic and House music, but damn, that was a show alright. A DECLARATION OF XXX was impossibly hyped on site. I can’t wait for them to release it.

Overall, a lot of things might have changed in my life, but I feel like the most visible changes were in the last few months.

It might have been the release from a lot of stress, having been working towards JPSG and BD 5L DVs. Or maybe it was having those exact things under my belt, having actual experience that gave me a little bit more confidence. Having been through all these things gives me not only precious memories in the past, but also more certainty in knowing what I am doing.

Honestly, 2018 has been a really good year to me, a pleasant change from the shitfest that was the year before. I’m thankful for all the opportunities that were given to me, all the awesome people I met along the way, and all the challenges that I was able to conquer.

I hope 2019 will be a good year for us all, too.

[creaturebehavior]

like i used to be better at masking and i fully burnt myself out

also btw. i know i do have bpd, and i haven’t mentioned this in awhile, and maybe it is just bpd, and maybe everyone with bpd feels like i do (i am still researching and trying to learn about my diagnosis) but, i still wonder if i’m autistic and i just don’t know what to do about that. it also could possible be adhd. i feel autistic as fuck and i have for a long time and for many years that’s what i thought was my main issues but i have so many issues it’s just so hard to know.

either way, even if it’s just the bpd + cptsd + ocd + ed + addiction which is plenty, i have wasted all my energy all my entire life masking and i even got fully clean and sober and i masked my ass off for nearly two years before u burnt out so hard i literally was like if i don’t leave school and start smoking a little bit of weed i’m gonna literally commit suicide or worse so.

God i need help. i don’t feel ready to start trying to heal again.

being sober was a nightmare. feeling is going to kill me someday. bpd famous last words? lmfao god i wish i were dead god i wish i weee dead.

i’ve gone to therapists when i wasn’t ready in the past and they fired me as a client after a few sessions and it was a waste of time and money and resources

the world wants me to be ready for them. the world only wants me to go to therapy so i can get a job and every time i try to work with people i get so burnt out and i go crazy and i start getting all these thoughts about hurting them and hurting myself

no one cares about me being ready to heal and to process just for me. i’m not ready and i don’t want to. but i have to take medications and go to therapy so i can work minimum wage right? that’s the only reason any of us are alive

i’m so unhappy

i thought i was pursuing my career and i actually thought i was going to press on and push through it like i just needed to vent and get re-motivated or some extra support whenever my therapist suggested to me that maybe i made the wrong decision in picking the career i did she started questioning my passion because school was stressing me out so much. i was mad at first that she would suggest such a thing instead of encourage me through the next couple minths until graduation. but yeah instead i began to reconsider everything and as much as i realize she was actually projecting her own feelings about her career onto me (she shared openly about her own insecurity in college since she changed her career so late into life and about how she’d been putting off taking the final exam to get her license) i still am just sick enough to distort whatever it is she may have actually said to me into me feeling like what she said to me was “you’re not making any progress. you should give up.” and i heard her loud and clear on that one. i tried to ignore it and tune it out and try to get my brain to think rationally and “she didn’t say that and why would any therapist say that that’s not how she meant it.” but my brain keeps saying back to me that she was suggesting i chose the wrong career and i feel insecure enough to agree with her.

like this is how insane my brain is. like it’s know it’s crazy but ever since she said whatever it is she actually said, all i can remember is how it seemed like she was suggesting i give up

and so one day i said to myself she’s right i chose the wrong career. i won’t ever be successful in this career. because i already believed these things.

i already believed i wasn’t good enough and that i wouldn’t be able to make it through so whenever she suggested maybe i made a mistake in choosing my career path i was like i guess all i needed was one person to agree with me but of course it had to be my therapist who suggests i made the wrong decision

we lost touch shortly after this. it became harder and harder to see her

and yeah i am highly suggestible and yes i believe that’s a symptom of whatever is wrong with me

i already believed i couldn’t do i just needed someone else to agree with me

[bethhxrmon]

All I Ask of You Pt. 10

“To going against the grain, going insane, going mad.” - “La Vie Bohme” from RENT

Pairing: Peter Parker x Female OC

Word Count: 4,534

Warnings: Underage drinking

Summary: It’s the holidays and everyone’s happy right now!

A/N: It may be late, but it’s still Saturday so that’s what counts! I was super excited to make this chapter and I hope you all love it as much as I do!

MASTERLIST

Playlist

           Christmas Eve felt almost like a desperate attempt for Annie’s parents to make up for the last couple months. Though, it obviously wasn’t enough and Annie couldn’t help pointing that out every chance she got. Whether she was being too harsh or not, she really couldn’t be bothered to give a damn. However, she would have been lying if she said she didn’t enjoy constantly pointing out their mistakes and affairs whenever she wanted to get away with something.

           Of course it pissed her parents off, but it probably pissed them off more that Annie wasn’t wrong. It was using their failing marriage as a scapegoat that led to Annie being outside in the winter evening with a small wrapped package. The odds of running into Spider-Man were pretty slim, it was a holiday after all. Despite it only being six at night, the sky was dark with only streetlights, cars, and electronic billboards there to light the way.

           The temperature drop that winter brought always left Annie cursing her choice to be a superhero instead of a street magician. She had even put a few shirts underneath the white hoodie she had on and she was still shivering. Stealing some electricity to attempt to warm up was her best bet, but even that wasn’t exactly working.

           With the streets bustling with the absolute last-second holiday shopping, it was difficult to find any real crime going on as she lurked in an alley. That was when she heard a jump. Without giving it a second thought, Annie swerved around and launched the ball of electricity that was in her hand at none other than Spider-Man himself.

           He quickly sidestepped the electricity and held his hands up, “Hey, it’s okay, it’s just me.”

           Annie sighed a little, “You can’t just sneak up on me like that! If I hit you then that’s who knows how many volts straight to your chest.”

           “Oh, it’s cool. Mr. Stark made my suit electricity-proof. Sorry I scared you, Swan. Merry Christmas, by the way. What’s that you’ve got in your hands there?” he asked, talking as though Annie hadn’t told him to leave her alone a week ago.

           Annie glanced down and the package, “Um… it’s not much, but it’s for you, actually. Kind of a ‘Merry Christmas, sorry I yelled at you and I actually do kinda enjoy working with you’ present.”

           “Well that’s great! I got something for you too! It’s not much either, but uh… it’s something I thought you’d like,” he replied, handing her something that was in a paper bag.

           Annie handed him the wrapped parcel and took the thing he gave her, “You seriously didn’t have to,” she said, pulling out a long sleeved shirt.

           “I should probably mention it’s got a little heater in it. I know you said to not follow you, but I saw you kept getting super cold and I uh- well I sort of stole it from Mr. Stark,” Spider-Man said sheepishly as he unwrapped his present to find a Santa hat.

           Annie smiled a bit, “Thanks, that’s way awesome. I wasn’t really sure what to get you that you didn’t already have, and I know it’s super cheesy and I totally get it if you don-”

           “It’s great, Swan, really, I love it, thanks,” he replied, hugging her.

           She laughed a bit, “No problem, I’m just sorry I’ve been such a bitch, and I should probably apologize in advance for when the exact same thing happens again for whatever reason I decide to get mad again.”

           “Hey, I get it. You’ve been alone awhile and you’re not used to having yours truly making things a bit easier on you,” he claimed.

           She rolled her eyes and sighed, “Actually I get more nervous when you insert yourself and expect me to cover you. I mean, come on, my powers could crap out on me.”

           ���I don’t think that would happen, obviously your powers work better when your more emotional, so they work better when your stressed,” he said, shrugging.

           Annie frowned, “You’re not wrong… but still, it’s so damn stressful.”

           Feeling a huge sense of accomplishment at fixing things with Spider-Man, Annie was able to get back to her apartment with a weight lifted from her chest. With gifts already bought for everyone, there wasn’t exactly anything worth worrying about. Instead of going out to hang out with her parents, Annie spent the remainder of her night reading.

           By the time morning rolled around, Annie was in the same clothes that she had been when she was reading. She couldn’t remember putting down her book or being on her bed in the first place. Still the computer monitor across from her confirmed that it was Christmas morning, and she crawled out of bed, heading out to the kitchen where a small Christmas tree was set up.

           Underneath the fake, silver tree were a handful of presents. Two of them were for her parents and there were a few for Annie. She could tell that they were probably trying to compensate for the affairs, but she couldn’t have cared less. A part of her just liked having a scapegoat. Besides, it was more of a “being bitter about how her dad tried to explain her being a failed science fair project” thing rather than being angry about her parents cheating on each other.

           The whole infidelity thing was their thing to solve and Annie wanted no part in it. She padded over to the coffee maker and put some water and more grounds in it before starting the machine. As it heated up, Annie checked her phone, tempted to call Harper and wake them up extremely early simply to be a pain in the ass. After a few minutes, she was just about to pick up her phone to dial her friend when she saw Harper’s contact name on the screen.

           Annie answered, trying to not laugh and wake up her parents, “What the hell are you doing awake at like… four in the morning?”

           “Because I know you and that you’d probably wake me up anyways,” Harper replied, a smirk audible in their voice.

           Annie rolled her eyes, finding a mug to pour her coffee into, “Okay, but that doesn’t explain why you’d wake up so early.”

           “Bold of you to assume I ever even went to sleep. I had gifts to wrap,” they said, sighing a bit.

           Annie chuckled lightly as she poured some coffee in her mug, “Who are you spending all this time wrapping presents for?”

           “My parents. If I wrapped all their presents for their godforsaken business partners then they said they would give me ten grand to do whatever I wanted with,” they responded.

           Annie frowned a bit, “What do you need ten thousand for, exactly?”

           “I’m splitting it up between charities and college. Did I mention that I heard back from NYU?” they asked.

           Annie raised an eyebrow, retreating to her room and sitting at her desk, “Nope, I didn’t even know you were graduating early.”

           “Oh, well, surprise, I am! And I heard back from NYU and their fashion program, so I’m just about set up to start there in September,” they said, yawning.

           Annie’s jaw dropped, “Wait, so you’re, like, going to NYU, like, Manhattan?”

           “Yeah, is there another one that I didn’t hear about?” Harper retorted.

           Annie grinned, “That’s fucking awesome! You’ll be here with me and you can finally meet my new friends, it’ll be great!”

           “What’ll really be great is when I can get out of this hellhole,” they muttered, huffing a bit.

           Annie rolled her eyes, “Harper, you’re the kid of a CEO, people would kill to be in the position you’re in.”

           “But what good is any of it if they’re not gonna pay for any of my school? They’re basically kicking me out after graduation, which might be for the better. I could just be talking too much,” they replied.

           Annie took a sip of coffee, “Yeah, that might be it, you should get some sleep. You got my present in the mail, right?”

           “Yep… I may or may not have opened it already,” Harper admitted.

           Annie sighed, “Well, by the sound of that I’m guessing you liked it.”

           “Obviously! New colored pencils like I’d been talking about… oh and I ate half of the almond butter you got me last night, whoops,” they said.

           Annie shook her head, “Of course you did. Well, I’m glad you liked it.”

           “Speaking of liking presents, I hope you liked what your friends got you. Especially that one Peter guy, he sounds really into you,” Harper started.

           Annie felt her face go red, “I doubt it. He’s just a really nice guy. Besides, things are really complicated at the moment… the last thing I need is a relationship.”

           “What’s so complicated about dating the guy you’ve been wanting to kiss?” Harper asked.

           Annie stared at her coffee, only her breathing audible over the line, “Because there might be more than one guy I wanna kiss?”

           “You know I hate it when you answer something like it’s a question. For fuck’s sake, please tell me you’re not into both of your guy friends? Or is it that one girl, Tina? You’ve been around her a lot, or Michelle?” Harper started to trail off.

           Annie coughed, “No, none of them. Ned’s just my friend and Tina’s got her own shit. I don’t know if I know Michelle enough to be crushing on her.”          

           “Then who?”

           “It’s stupid, really.”

           “Not if it’s making you question everything you’ve been feeling for weeks.”

           “I think I like Spider-Man. It’s just… he’s so damn infuriating, but I never wanna fight with him so we always get through our arguments and he’s just really sweet and funny and… I don’t know what to do, Harper.”

           “Funny, you like them both for the same reasons… maybe you should wait it out,” Harper suggested, “But I gotta sleep otherwise I’m gonna blow up my parent’s place and then we’ll have a bigger problem than your boy troubles.”

           “Alrighty, well I’ll talk to you later, then. Have fun sleeping,” Annie replied before the line went dead.

           When Annie’s parents finally woke up, she made her way back into the kitchen. Though it was just her dad pouring himself a cup of coffee. Seeing him, Annie was just about to slip back into her room, but he already saw her so instead she sat at the dining room table. She was halfway through her cup of coffee and it was still warm.

           “How’d you sleep?” he asked.

           Annie shrugged, “Alright, I guess.”

           “You must’ve been pretty tired, I walked in and you had your book on your face,” her dad replied, chuckling a bit at her.

           Annie looked up at him, “So you moved me?”

           “Well, yeah. I’m your dad, Annika, and sometimes I screw up, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you,” he told her as he sat across from her.

           She nodded, looking at her cup, “Right… are you being nice because you’re about to talk about getting a divorce?”

           “No. God, no, Ann, we moved so we could fix things. We wouldn’t drag you out here to just give up now,” he said.

           She sighed, “Okay, good. Otherwise I think I’d run out of here if you pulled that today.”

           “I wouldn’t do that, we wouldn’t,” he assured her.

           “We wouldn’t do what?” her mom asked as she padded into the dining room.

           Her dad paused, drinking some coffee, “Get a divorce and tell her today.”

           “Oh, sweetie, no. We’d stay married until you were an adult just so it wouldn’t feel like we moved for nothing,” added her mom.

           Annie nodded again, not saying anything for a moment, “So… um… should we get to the fun gift giving thing? I kinda said I’d meet my friends to exchange gifts and stuff.”

           “Yeah! Of course, of course! You’re gonna love what I got you,” her mom said, pulling a bagged present from next to the tree.

           The gifts weren’t as much of pleas for forgiveness as Annie had expected. That was for the best, though, otherwise she may have felt a pang of guilt for using them so she could get out more often. She noticed that they did seem to get them with her interests in mind, though. Some soundtracks and books. Even a hoodie or two, her parents liked what she got for them. It was always hard with adults because the things they wanted were things that she would never get enough money to buy. Hell, some of the things they wanted had nothing to do with money. Not that she could blame them.

           “Also, there’s one thing that we also got that we can’t really give you,” her dad began.

           Annie’s russet eyes squinted, “What do you mean?”

           “Well, tomorrow we’re leaving for a couple’s retreat to try and fix things. We thought the least we could do is make a real effort at trying,” her mom explained.

           Annie nodded, smiling a bit, “When do you get back?”

           “January second, we’ll be back early because classes start up the day after,” said her dad.

           She smiled at the both of them, “Th-that’s great, actually, thanks you guys.”

           “We thought you’d appreciate it because of how much these problems were meaning to you,” her dad replied.

           The day passed by easier and for the first time in weeks, Annie felt comfortable as she moved around the apartment. Knowing that her parents didn’t just stop caring did leave her feeling lighter. Not to mention the ideas that were flooding her mind as she fully realized that they would be gone through new year’s. Though, those were plans to talk about when she saw her friends next.

           Before she knew it, it was time to get to Peter’s apartment where she was supposed to meet up with Peter, Ned, and even Tina. Apparently they had talked to her before they asked Annie to come. It raised plenty of questions that Annie wasn’t even sure of how to ask. Still, she left her apartment with some ginger snaps that her dad had made as well as the gifts for each of them.

           She made it to the other apartment without any issue and she knocked on the door. It had been so cold outside and Annie was left wishing that she had chosen to wear a better jacket rather than a sweatshirt. Not to mention how the presents had been kind of difficult to carry while walking a few blocks in New York traffic. Despite the holidays, the streets were as busy as ever. Though, maybe she shouldn’t have been so surprised.

           Aunt May opened the door, smiling, “There you are! The others have been waiting. Merry Christmas by the way! How’s your day been?”

           “Merry Christmas! I’ve actually been pretty great. My dad baked a ton of ginger snaps and I thought you might like some,” Annie greeted, nodding at the top box which was a tin.

           May took the tin off the top of the pile, “Thank you, this is lovely!”

           “No problem!” she replied, waltzing right into Peter’s room.

           “Hey, look who decided to show up,” Tina commented, getting up to help Annie with the boxes.

           Annie rolled her eyes, “Whatever, you guys told me to show up now, so there’s obviously something you’re all hiding.”

           “You don’t know that!” Ned protested.

           Annie smirked as she sat down on Peter’s bed, “Right, well I got all of you presents, so I expect only the best from each of you.”

           “Annie! I told you not to get me anything,” Tina responded, crossing her arms.

           Annie shrugged, “Well then I guess my hand slipped and wrapped something up for you.”

           “You’re gonna love what I got you, go on, open it,” Ned insisted, handing her a box.

           Annie opened it only to get a litter box and cat litter, “Um… okay, it’s great…”

           “I told you it was a weak idea, I got you this,” Tina said, handing Annie a bag.

           Annie got a food bowl with some cat food and she raised an eyebrow, “Did you guys… no. There’s no way.”

           “Okay, you’ll love this,” Peter insisted, starting to burst out laughing as he handed his haphazardly wrapped gift.

           Annie ripped the paper only to get cat toys, “Okay, there’s no way you guys got me a cat. No, I couldn’t, really, you guys.”

           “Who said anything about a cat? We didn’t get you a cat,” Ned replied, only to be stopped by a meow that came from Peter’s closed closet.

           Annie looked at the three of them and stood up, walking over to the closet and opened it. There was a cat carrier and in the carrier was a cat with patches all over its face and a crooked tail from where it had probably been broken in the past. She picked up the carrier and opened it, coaxing out the cat. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was opened and grinning. No words were able to leave her mouth.

           Tina smirked a bit, “I’m guessing we did good.”

           “What’s his name?” Annie asked.

           “Well, the shelter named him Patches,” Ned said.

           Annie scoffed, “That’s a dumb name… I think I’m gonna name him… Erik, yeah, definitely Erik.”

           “Like The Phantom of the Opera? Come on,” Ned commented, laughing a bit.

           Annie sighed, scratching the cat behind the ear, “I really can’t thank you guys enough, now I feel like I totally fucked up with what I got you guys.”

           “Nah, there’s no way, let’s see them,” Ned insisted.

           Annie handed each of them their presents, trying to gauge their reactions. Of course, none of them were exactly a pet that had been carefully hidden from her for the time that she had been there. At least they each kinda meant something though. Well, she hoped that they would.

           Peter smiled, tugging the Santa hat on his head down a bit as he looked at the planner and pen, “It’s great, thanks,” he said as he opened it, reading the inside of the planner.

           Because she hadn’t wanted to confuse Peter with the gift she wrote something. Though, it was possibly influenced by other feelings that were running through her head at the time. The note read: Peter, I know that half the time you’re a disorganized mess (in the best way, duh) and figured this might help in case you get super stressed. Even if it doesn’t, you can always call me or something. I don’t really know where I was going with this, but Merry Christmas!

           Ned laughed a bit, beaming at the lego store gift card, “This is perfect! I could get a Millenium Falcon set with this, thanks so much!”

           Tina carefully unwrapped her present, “I really didn’t need anything…” she looked at the journals and pens, “How’d you know?”

           “I saw you in that stationery store… my hand slipped and bought a few things,” Annie claimed, shrugging.

           The group spent so much time talking in that circle, somehow all huddled up on Peter’s bed. They squished between each other, and that was when Annie asked them to come to her place for new year’s. She’d even told them to spend the night if they wanted. It had been Ned’s idea to call and ask Michelle to join them. By the time they all left for their homes, Annie had plans for while her parents were gone.

           When she got home carrying her cat and all the things to take care of him as well, her dad didn’t even try to protest it. All he said was that she had to take care of him and that he wouldn’t do it for her. Erik was a really sweet cat, wanting nothing more than to lay on her bed and be petted. At least, that was how he was acting right then. A part of her figured he’d start running all over the apartment like crazy in a day or two.

           As she opened one of the plastic packages of toys, Annie noticed a small box. When she opened it, there was a necklace of a masquerade mask necklace. Her jaw dropped, hardly able to believe that Peter had gotten her anything aside the stuff for the cat. She really didn’t need or want anything else. Though there was also a folded up note that read: Annie, I know you said you just wanted a cat, but I thought you should have something else to. So I thought I’d let you know that you’re more of a Christine because you’re too good to be anything else.

           That not was the only thing that she could think about until new year’s eve. It wandered into her mind when she worked with Spider-Man a couple of times that week. He was constantly wearing that Santa hat and Annie wore that shirt with a heater in it under her sweatshirt all the time. Though, just when she started bantering a little bit too long with Spider-Man, she couldn’t help but think about how much Peter had cared. It made her wonder if Spider-Man would do the same for her if he had the chance.

           One right after the other, Peter, Ned, Michelle, and Tina came on in. It wasn’t like Annie had a huge party planned out, she just didn’t want to be alone for the holiday. Not when she could have the chance to stay up late with her friends. Even though Christmas had passed, Peter was still wearing a Santa hat like he had on Christmas.

           “Pete, isn’t it a bit late for Santa hats?” Annie asked, toying around with the pendant on her necklace.

           Peter’s face reddened, “N-no, I wouldn’t say so.”

           “I think she’s got a point, unless you’re wearing it for a specific reason,” Michelle said, looking up from her book as she laid on the couch.

           Annie chuckled a bit as Peter seemed at a loss for words as she poured some hot chocolate for all of them, “Don’t worry, it’s cute.”

           “Enough flirting, you two, otherwise you’re both gonna need to find a room,” Ned commented, flipping through the channels on Annie’s television.

           Peter frowned, “I-I wasn’t… we weren’t doing… a-anything.”

           “So you weren’t flirting?” Annie asked, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

           He shook his head, “N-nope.”

           “Oh, okay,” Annie said, handing him a cup of hot chocolate.

           The night went on as a group sleepover should. The group watched some dumb comedies while eating food and drinking warm drinks. It felt like things were just fine, and even Tina appeared to be relaxed around all of them. Both her and Michelle seemed to enjoy being left on their own to read or write while Ned, Peter, and Annie were left to do most of the talking.

           As midnight drew closer, Annie looked at the others, “Hey, what do you guys think of some champagne to ring in the new year?”

           “I can’t have any… I’ve been going straight, but I can watch you guys to make sure no one does anything dumb,” Tina offered.

           “Alright, what about the rest of you guys?” Annie asked as she got up from her comfy chair.

           Ned and Peter shrugged, “I guess it’s cool with us,” Ned replied.

           “You could hit me up with two if you wanted,” Michelle responded.

           Annie laughed a bit, “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

           In a few minutes, Annie was back with a glass that was generously full for everyone. She’d filled the glass for Tina with some sparkling cider because everyone deserved a nice new year’s drink. It was five minutes until 2018 and Annie had a decent feeling about the new year. They all talked about what they really wanted to do for that year and all the things that they hoped would happen.

           “I just wanna get an apartment and start over, you know? Just have everything be fresh and to move on finally,” Tina said, cheating and sipping some of her drink before midnight.

           Michelle nodded, “Fair enough, I want some more books and more time to read them, honestly.”

           “If I managed to pass this next semester I’d be happy, but really I just want to prove I can do stuff, like, theatre or something else, just I don’t want to be doubted,” Annie admitted.

           Ned sighed a bit, “I wanna hack some stuff, nothing huge, but just enough to where it’s super cool.”

           “Yeah… I-I think I want my internship to go further, I’m doing a lot already, but I wanna do more,” Peter said, looking at the clock.

           Ned grinned, starting to count down, “Five. Four. Three. Two. One…”

           “Holy shit it’s the new year!” Annie exclaimed, drinking her champagne.

           They all started drinking, Peter seeming to be almost unaffected by it. Michelle went back to her book, drinking and not paying too much attention to the others. Ned and Annie, however, were tipsy halfway through their glasses. Everything seemed to be so funny and Annie wasn’t sure why. And Peter looked so damn cute and she wanted to pull him close and kiss him. She wish she’d done that already, why hadn’t she?

           By the time she finished her glass, she wasn’t exactly herself when she talked to her friends, “Y’know, ‘m real glad y’guys came… I woulda been so depressed if I’re by m’self.”

           “Yeah, me too, ‘m happy I came,” Ned replied and the pair started laughing, “Y’know, ya should talk to Peter, he wants to tell ya somethin’.”

           Annie giggled, pulling Peter closer a bit by his sleeve, “C’mon, tell me in my room.”

           She dragged him right to her room and she sat on her bed, patting the space next to her. When he sat down she had her arms around him and buried her head into the crook of his neck. Annie hummed happily, starting to play with Peter’s hair.

           “What did ya wanna tell me?” Annie asked, looking up at him.

           Peter shook his head, “You’re drunk, it’s a terrible time to tell you.”

           “Oh c’mon!” Annie whined, pouting.

           Peter sighed, “Nope. But did you wanna tell me something?”

           “Well, yeah, you’re real cute, just all the time. An’ I can’t understand why you won’t like me back, but everyone says you do,” Annie replied.

           Peter smiled a bit, his cheeks flushing, “Really?”

           “Yeah,” she said, looking at him and yawning, “I should sleep though, I feel like you’re trickin’ me into sayin’ too much.”

           Peter nodded, pulling back the covers and helping her lie down, “Can ya stay with me?” Annie asked.

           Peter thought about it a moment and nodded, “Sure, yeah.”

           Annie pulled him close, wanting to feel him so close to her and Peter didn’t mind. Though he also wondered how much of it was real and how much of it was just her being drunk. At the same time, he didn’t want her thinking he was a creep, so when she fell asleep he left the bed and slept on the floor.

Tag list: @flushings-here / @upsidedownparker / @gaypanda / @ijustdontknowsometimes / @lionsfandomsandbearsohmy / @thwipparker / @buzzinglee (just ask to be added to the tag list)

[thisisnot-chris]

No story is perfect.

Never in a million years would I have thought my life's journey would turn out the way it has these past 29 years.

I remember growing up imagining what my life would be like after high school - wanted to be a meteorologist, thought I'd graduate college, have a wife and kids, you know... a "traditional American life".

Fast forward about a decade after high school - college wasn't for me in the long run, figured out I'm gay, and am now working in the music business - concert venue by day, producer by night.

Didn't see that coming.

Now obviously this didn't just happen out of nowhere - it came after years of working on a craft I never imagined I'd put my time into, putting myself out there after being a super shy little punk for so long, learning so many lessons the hard way, and connecting with so many people I never thought I'd meet. Through it all, I discovered what my life's passion is - to create genuine and authentic music listeners can feeling intense emotion from while bringing people together through it.

It's funny to look back on this because I HATED doing music related things when I was a young kid, from piano lessons, to choir practice, to playing the alto sax. But all it took was one moment to change my perspective on it and end up devoting my life to it.

That moment was during my junior year of high school.

An old friend that just transferred to my class from another school caught my attention when I discovered he was practicing guitar after school in an empty classroom while I was waiting for the school bus to pick me up and take me home. I wish it took longer for the bus to come because he was INCREDIBLE and I wanted to sit and listen endlessly. Imagine being 16 and playing Metallica's "Master of Puppets" spot on; that's what he could do alongside so many other songs. Pantera? Megadeth? Ozzy? Van Halen? Slayer? He could take it all on. (Fun side fact - I got to perform Aerosmith's "Dream On" and Ozzy's "Crazy Train" with him for our high school graduation and I WAS THE SINGER - definitely not a rock vocalist when I look back on it but it's a memory I still cherish today).

So that moment and hanging around him shortly after convinced me to try out the guitar.

And then a couple years later, it led me to try songwriting.

And finally during my freshman year of college, it led me to electronic music production (Thanks to Skrillex's music blowing up at the time).

Not what I expected but it got me somewhere thanks to my old friend.

Unfortunately he is no longer with us today; hearing that news back in my junior year of college crushed me. The impact he made on me is something I wish I could thank him for today. I ended up carrying the impact through an alias I made years ago.

  That alias is Full Metal Jackson, or as a lot of people have come to know the name as now, FMJ.

It was conceived in 2013 as an ode to him and combines two things he loved in the name - his favorite movie "Full Metal Jacket" and his Jackson guitar.

Since that year, I spent endless hours on learning music production and songwriting (alongside learning music theory and aural skills from college at the time) so I could take my best shot at writing music I liked and could then share. That early music would range from dubstep, electro house, progressive house, future house, tech house, tropical house, big room, future bass, jungle terror, drum & bass, trance, moombahton, and other various styles.

  While the skills for writing/producing music consistently built, the real challenge at the time was the matter of sharing it with others; even just a few people.

Of course I'm still gonna make music because I like it but I strive for something with music I share - if one person can get something positive out of what I wrote and shared, I'll be satisfied. If it took my old friend to just play guitar in an empty classroom to impact me that much, imagine what could happen if it was me playing the music for someone else.

But still, sharing music (or more specifically electronic dance music) in my small hometown of Neenah, WI... well, no one in that town was really into that kind of music (or at least who I knew and associated with at the time). Nothing wrong with that but I felt stuck from it. As 2016 hit, I stopped publicly sharing music for about 2 years because of this stuck feeling.

Around that same time though, a long period of self discovery began. Who was I and what did I want to do with my life? During it all, I met so many different people, travelled to different places (even out as far as Toronto, Canada), and found out there was more out there for me.

2018 comes and I got convinced to check out concerts that I didn't even know were happening in this state (thanks to my close friend Spookybro who I met when working at this e-commerce company selling toothbrushes in Neenah). I got to meet even MORE people but this time they had similar interests and love in the music I was so enveloped in for the longest time. Next thing you know, I start playing some small shows that summer and then shared music again publicly for the first time in years that September (the song was called "Number One", which I wrote for two good friends that got married that same month). More opportunities then came when I moved to Madison, such as playing opening slots for all kinds of international touring acts ranging from Downlink to Eptic to Tisoki (even got to perform with him for a B2B on stage); more music came from it that I still love today and I was able to share it with more people and see positive impacts made on some. There was even one song called "Snake Jazz" I released that (I felt) got a significant amount of attention in the underground scene; it even got support from names I've come to love like ATliens, Blanke, Eliminate, Crankdat, and more. Obviously it's not like I became some superstar making hundreds of thousands of dollars while being signed to some major label or agency from any of these opportunities and experiences, which that's not what I'm after, but it was still crazy when looking back on it.

That's where life led me with music.

Never thought that would happen.

Yes, there were tons of rough times, low points, and challenges during it all. Friends were lost. Relationships were put on the line. Periods of intense stress, anxiety, even depression set in.  It even came close to a point of ending my life from a struggle I faced I've shared about too often during that all, but it and nothing else ended up stopping me in the long run.

And from everything I've gained from that entire period, I wouldn't change it ever.

But during 2020, I came to a point where I asked myself an important question - is this what I want to do with music and my life in the long run?

...

So while the pandemic took the world by storm, an opportunity came for me to find out what I was meant to put out there.

And after writing music for over 11 years now...

I finally found my sound.

This opportunity let me take everything I have come to love throughout my life, such as different kinds of music (Porter Robinson/Virtual Self, Illenium, Seven Lions, RL Grime, Skeler, The Prodigy, The Crystal Method, Pendulum, Linkin Park, etc), to different kinds of shows/games/toys (Pokemon, Bionicle, Cowboy Bebop, Fullmetal Alchemist, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Death Note, Halo, Portal, etc), to nature/outdoor settings (sunsets, cityscapes, skyscrapers, etc), even to different colors (blue, orange, purple, pink), and combine concepts based on them all in various ways to make a sonic identity that is truly me. It may not be the most innovative identity at this point, but it is 100% me. Not to mention I'm always one to try different things and experiment, seeing if something new can come forth and grow exponentially from where this starts.

Which it all starts tomorrow, July 14th, 2021.

And while I'm beyond scared to reveal it all, I'm excited nonetheless.

Funnily enough, I originally planned on launching this project in September 2021 but an opportunity was given to me (thanks to my friend Synymata) pushing up the launch date; now from it though, the project's debut release will be on a well-known EDM record label I am happy to be a part of now. Guess it ironically ties into the name of the project a bit.

But knowing this is the point I'm at currently from looking back years ago is insane to me and I can't wait to see what could come from it.

As I said before, I'm not trying to be some superstar but I'm obviously gonna try and take it as far as I can. Even if there's days or even weeks where nothing productive comes from my sessions, I can't let it stop because I'll never know what could happen from it without trying. Maybe something unbelievably crazy will happen. Maybe it will take me to cities and countries I never imagined to see with my own eyes. Maybe it will connect with new people I end up calling life long friends. Maybe I'll meet the love of my life along it all.

  Or maybe none of this will happen.

I honestly don't know.

But I'm never gonna know unless I try.

That's the mentality that changed my life for the better within the past few years than if I didn't approach matters like that.

  And it has and/or could for those reading this too with that mentality depending on the situation.

Yes, mistakes were still made; lessons were learned. And they continue to be made and learned from. The same can apply to anyone reading this.

But it's all part of the journey.

It's not perfect.

It's inconsistent.

  It's not a smooth straight line - it's rough, jagged, and curves in many different directions.

It's broken.

But, for me at least, I wouldn't have it any other way. All the memories made; the realest and most genuine people I've come to call friends; the family I am fortunate to have; the lessons learned; the skills gained; the experiences; the happiness, sadness, anger, confusion, ALL the emotions and feelings that came from them. All of it was worth it.

Crazy how unexpected moments whether in high school or at some e-commerce job you're working at can change it all for the better in the long run; they basically shaped my story into something why better than I could’ve imagined.

So if you're reading this and feel your story isn't what you had in mind so far - your story isn't over til' you say it is. You'll never know what it could be unless to give something a shot. Getting that new job, going on that trip you've dreamed of, finally asking that crush out; you never know unless you give it a shot. Of course everyone's life is different and situations aren't all relatable, heck you may not take on the opportunity once it appears and that could be better for your story too!

Regardless, whenever an opportunity comes, you'll know what will be best to do.

In the end, the story will continue til' you say so. And I feel it is best to keep telling that story for as long as you truly can.

Hey, like I said, no story is perfect. Ever.

But the best stories aren't all "happily ever after fairytales".

The best I feel are the ones that you get something positive out of.

They TEACH you; INSPIRE you; make you FEEL; CHANGE you for the BETTER.

They give you this indescribable feeling that lingers over you that you can't seem to shake off at first and it may even feel scary at times but after it subsides, you know something good happened to you from it.

Those are the stories that define you.

And what more could you want than to share them alongside that indescribable feeling and so many other emotions with someone else in this life.

In this journey.

This saga.

That's what this new project is all about.

And you're all welcome to be a part of it.

This Broken Saga.

[tayegi]

Nerves (m)

In a lab experiment gone horribly wrong, your nervous system is merged with Kim Taehyung’s... 

Scientist!Taehyung AU 

Warning: smut and ridiculous, fake science crack 

Word Count: 12,419

It's been a long week.

You've been clocking out twelve-hour workdays at lab for all five days. So being able to finally lie down on the couch with a glass of wine is heaven. Your back aches from slumping over your computer day in and day out, and your eyes are bloodshot with strain from staring at the lines of code. It feels so good to just curl up under a plush quilt with your heavy head cushioned by multiple shams that you find your eyes sliding shut within minutes.

You haven't been able to sleep much this past week either, so stressed by the recent disaster at lab that your panicked thoughts keep you up all night. Feeling relaxed enough to fall asleep is an accomplishment in of itself, so you don't try to fight the lull of unconsciousness one bit. Sleep is washing over your mind, pleasantly buzzing in your skull, when suddenly—

Bam!

Crippling pain hits you like a shot to the side. "Ow!" You cry out, violently ripped from your precious sleep as you double over, both hands pressed tightly to your stomach.

There is no one in your studio apartment with you. You are completely and utterly alone. Yet the feeling of a hard shoulder ramming into your middle is unmistakable.

"Kim. Taehyung." You hiss under your breath. Then you're diving for your phone to angrily punch in the number you've dialed way too many fucking times this week.

Luckily, he picks up after the third ring, "Ah, ___," He chimes your name on the other end, "Hello!"

"What the hell are you doing right now?" you growl as you massage your still-sore tummy.

"I'm playing football!" he brightly replies, "But I think Jungkook won…"

"Wait, football?" you repeat in astonishment, "Tackle football?"

"Um… is there any other form…?"

"Taehyung!" you yell his name in frustration, "What did I say about playing sports or doing any dangerous activity in our condition?!"

There's a pause on the other end, and you can practically see him blinking with confusion, "… That I shouldn't?"

"Yes," you grit out in exasperation, "And what are you doing right now?"

"But, ___, it's really fun," he whines, "Do you want to come over and play with me?"

"No!" you barely refrain from shouting, "I am trying to get some rest. 'Trying' being the key word before I was so rudely awoken. Taehyung, can you please let me rest for once?"

"Alright, ___," he reluctantly agrees, and you don't need to see him to know that he's pouting, "I'll stop playing."

"Thank you," you curtly mutter before you abruptly hang up on him. Still annoyed, you irritably kick at your blankets, trying to get comfortable again on your sofa. But it's too late and Taehyung has ruined your peaceful mood with this damned stomach pain that won't go away. You'll probably have to pop a few ibuprofens before it'll leave you. Damn.

And that is how you spend the fifth day sharing a nervous system with Kim Taehyung.

A lab experiment gone wrong.

That's the nice way of describing the terrible accident that merged the pain receptors in your central nervous system with Kim Taehyung's. Before the accident, you had only known him as one of the molecular cell biology graduate students working under Dr. Bang, the principal investigator your lab was collaborating with on a pain receptor separation study for patients with chronic pain in the hospital.

The nature of the collaboration was simple: your computational biology lab came up with the technology to complete the experiment, and the Bang lab only had to carry it out in organic models. Easy as pie. The Bang lab had successfully tested the program you and your lab had slaved over for years, on mice and larger mammals, before they finally got the governmental approval necessary to move onto human subjects, exactly five days ago.

You remember the buzz of excitement around the entire biology department. A cure for chronic pain in a non-addictive way? A substitution for opiates that might combat the drug-abusing issue once and for all? This would be revolutionary. A medical advance that would go down in all of the textbooks. And you would do everything in your power to make sure you got third author on the finished paper.

Of course, the principal investigator of your lab would be first author, and Dr. Bang would be second. But you deserve to be third. You did not devote your entire academic career and years out of your quickly dwindling youth to this project for nothing. You would do anything in your power to make history as one of the inventors of this revolutionary cure. So when Kim Taehyung, the enthusiastic but asinine, third-year student of the Bang lab offers to be the first human test subject, you jumped to intervene, diving after him in the scanner without a second thought.

He should not have entered the scanner so carelessly. And you definitely should not have launched yourself after him. It's a series of ill-timed mistakes. The scanner was not meant to take such a quantity of subjects, and could not adapt to the complexity of both of your nervous systems. But before the senior scientists could intervene and save you, the machine that you've labored over for the past three years overheats, buttons lighting up by random and noisy beeping sounds filling the quiet hospital floor.

And when the smoke clears, everyone is horrified to find that the opposite objective of the experiment occurs—instead of separating the pain receptors in your nervous system, the scanner has combined them.

You can now feel everything Kim Taehyung feels, and vice versa…

You are so fucked.

Oh, and the broken scanner is just icing on the cake.

Your whole lab spends the next week frantically searching up ways to reverse the results and unmerge your nervous systems. Luckily, after a comprehensive medical exam, the doctors in the hospital determined that there was nothing physically wrong with you or Taehyung… except for the fact that you can feel everything this complete stranger is feeling, of course.

After you are discharged from the hospital, you absorb yourself in your work, beyond humiliated by your mistake, and determined to get the scanner up and running again so you can make history and get on that publication already. Although it took you and all the rest of the students years to create the first scanner, you still have the blueprints and all the coding files saved, so it shouldn't take that long to recreate. This is just a minor setback in the grand scheme of things. It's really not a big deal…

Or at least, that's what you think until you realize how fucking insane the man you're sharing your nervous system with truly is.

It only takes twelve hours of sharing a nervous system to realize that Kim Taehyung is a psycho. Every two seconds, you're bombarded with sensations. He must be the clumsiest person alive, for he's always tripping over literally everything. You can't concentrate on your work for sudden feelings of vertigo and sharp pains in your knees. He's also weirdly obsessed with furry animals. You'll be drinking coffee in the morning, and suddenly coughing it up all over yourself when you feel ticklish fur rubbing up and down your face. And always, always it's due to the fact that Taehyung is playing with his test animals… again.

The kid is in charge of decapitating mice and pulling out their spinal cords to examine under his microscope, not cuddling these death row subjects. It's so difficult to concentrate on the lines of code on your screen when you feel something furry crawling on your skin at all times of the day. But all of this is tolerable… until you realize how Taehyung lives his life outside of lab… with that insufferable meathead roommate of his.

You'll be coming home from a long day when you suddenly find yourself strapped for oxygen, an invisible force choking off your air supply as Jeon Jungkook catches Taehyung in a headlock across town. You'll be trying to enjoy a quiet supper when you feel yourself lifted off your feet and thrown across a broad shoulder. The last straw is when you are on the phone with your grandma, wishing her a happy 80th birthday, when you suddenly feel heavy slaps against your ass. The way you had screamed Taehyung's name in a high-pitched voice made your grandmother jump to inappropriate conclusions. And now your whole family thinks you're some kind of sexual deviant.

So three days after the failed experiment, the morning after your scandalous phone call with your grandmother (which she had put on speaker, to make things so much better), you march up to the fourth floor where the MCB department is located and bang on the door until someone lets you in. They take one look at the utter fury on your face and wordlessly lead you to Taehyung's desk.

The young biologist is still wearing his white lab coat as he sits back in his chair and considers an image of a mouse brain on his computer screen. He looks up at your brisk entrance, "Oh, hi there ___!" he crows, smile appearing on his handsome face in delight from seeing you for the first time since the accident, "What brings you here?"

You say nothing in response, but simply grab him by the hand to yank him out of his seat. He stumbles, making you both grunt in pain when the edge of his desk rams into his hip, but luckily catches his balance to totter after you.

"Where are we going?" He asks, eyes bright with curiosity as he cheerfully follows you out of the lab.

You ignore him as you push him into the stairwell and yank him up to the fifth floor. Then you stop outside of the neuroimaging lab. Fortunately, the door has been wedged open, so you effortlessly pull Taehyung inside, pausing as you glance over the rows of tables and workspaces.

"Ok, which one of these fuckers is Jeon Jungkook?"

You could hear a pin drop in the deafening silence that ensues. Then a short man with rimmed glasses who must be a postdoc awkwardly points to his deskmate. There's another pause. Then the oversized young man sitting in front of the computers sheepishly raises his hand.

You blink as you take in his broad shoulders and the firm muscles that are visible even under his lab coat. Good lord… This won't be easy… But you have a score to settle. So you feign confidence and wag a finger at him, "You, meathead. Come outside now." And without waiting for a response, you grab Taehyung by the elbow and drag him back into the hallway.

A few seconds later, a confused neuroscience grad student wanders outside to join you, "Um… Taehyung, what's going on?" But the older man is just as confused and can't do anything but shrug.

"Muscle pig, I'm just going to ask you a single question before we start: Are you aware that your roommate and I share a nervous system?"

"Uh…" he glances between you and Taehyung in bewilderment, "Yeah…?"

"So you knew that Taehyung and I share the same sensory receptors?"

"Yeah… Tae told me all about the accident... I'm sorry, ma'am."

"Ma'am?!" you spit back in astonishment, "What the hell did you just call me?"

"Uh oh…" Taehyung whispers under his breath, clearly feeling how your nails dig into your palms when you curl your hands to fists.

"Huh? Did I say something wrong? I don't know what you—ow!" The neuroscientist cries out in alarm, both hands darting to his backside when you abruptly kick him in the butt, "What the fuck? Why are you—ouch! Stop that!"

"Taehyung, hold him down!" You growl as you try to chase after a rapidly fleeing Jungkook.

The biologist laughs out loud in delight as he happily throws his arms around the muscular younger man, "Get him, ___!"

"What the hell is going on?!" Jungkook bellows in anguish as you launch another flying kick to his ass, "Ow! That fucking hurts!"

"Payback's a bitch!" You cry out as you wallop him again. Your foot hurts at this point, so you use the heel of your hand instead. The loud slap that echoes through the deserted hall is the most delectable sound that has ever graced your ears.

When the neuroscientist begins to squirm in Taehyung's grasp, the older man shoves him against the wall, ass out for your relentless spanks, "Hit him hard, ___!" He exuberantly cheers you on, "Make him really suffer!"

You happily agree as you spank the young man's ridiculously toned ass over and over until your palms are chafed to a hot red color. "Damn, I should've thought to bring a ruler," You mutter in irritation.

"I still have no fucking idea what's going on!" Jungkook loudly laments, "Stop hitting me!"

"You deserve it, thunder thighs," You growl at him, "If you mess with Kim Taehyung, you fucking mess with me, too!"

"You're so cool right now, ___!" Taehyung exclaims, stars dancing in his eyes as he gazes longingly at you.

"Tae, you are going to pay for this when we get home," Jungkook snarls.

"Oh, don't you dare!" You exclaim, aiming such a hard hit to his left ass cheek that your entire hand tingles, "I know where you work now, you drumstick. Mess with Tae again, and ho boy. Forget a ruler. I'm bringing a whole damn tree next time."

"Ugh fine, I won't! Just let me go!" He cries out.

You're reluctant to allow him off the hook so easily, recalling with anger the numerous times he has pounded the life out of Taehyung—and you by association. You shake your head, wringing out your wrists to prepare to smash him with your non-dominant hand, when Taehyung suddenly gasps, "Oh shit! There's his PI!"

You look up in surprise, but sure enough, there's a dignified older woman with steel-gray hair marching down the hall towards you. You'd recognize that famous neuroscience investigator anywhere.

"Run, ___!" Taehyung exclaims, grabbing your hand that is still hovering over Jungkook's sore ass, and yanking you away.

You allow him to fearfully usher you down the hall, but not without one last warning, "You better watch yourself, beefcake. Mess with Taehyung again, and that's the last thing you've ever do!"

"What the hell is going on here?" Jungkook's principal investigator demands when she finally arrives at the scene of the crime.

But Taehyung has already shoved you into the staircase.

After you so sloppily beat up Jungkook on the fifth floor hallway, Taehyung begins to idolize you. At first, it's just a minor inconvenience how he spams you with texts (well, mostly strange emojis) and bursts into the computational breakroom uninvited when you fail to respond quickly enough. He always brings cookies though, and the other computational students love his wacky sense of humor, so it's not a big deal… Until a certain time of the month comes, and Taehyung is insufferable.

You wake up on a Tuesday morning two weeks after the accident to find that Aunt Flo has paid you an unexpected visit in the middle of the night. So you shuck your ruined underwear in the hamper with a sigh and stick a pad on a new pair of underwear. You're brushing your teeth in the bathroom when a sudden dull ache invades the pit of your stomach. Damn it. Your menstrual cramps have arrived earlier this month.

You briefly consider popping a few painkillers, but then you remember that you wanted to have a drink with some friends tonight to celebrate a successful dissertation defense (or mourn a failure), so you ruefully place the ibuprofen back in your medicine cabinet. Luckily, the cramps aren't as terrible as they usually are, so you opt out of your clunky plug-in heating pad and hot water bottle for just a few hot patches. You can just slip them under your shirt during bathroom breaks at lab, and you'll be all set for the rest of the day.

Before you leave the house, you grab a few herbal tea bags to replace your usual caffeine supply at the office. And you don't think too much about Taehyung until you arrive at the lab an hour later to find him at your workstation, curled up in a ball and howling.

"Taehyung?"

He bolts upright at the sight of you, messily knocking over some of your lab notebooks in the process, "___!" he cries out your name, eyes filled with tears and nose runny, "I missed you!"

"What? Tae, I literally saw you yester—oomph!" you grunt in pain when he suddenly tackles you, nearly sweeping you straight off of your feet if not for the arms wound tightly around your waist.

"___," he cries again, "I love you!"

His passionate confession draws attention from all over the sterile work area. Your face flushes with embarrassment as your curious lab mates from the experimental rooms poke their heads in, trying to find the source of the commotion. "I love you too, Taetae," you quietly whisper to him as you attempt to push his head away from your bosom. But he clings on like a koala and burrows deeper into your chest.

"My tummy hurts so much," he drools on your right boob, "I think I'm going to die!"

"Wait what?" you ask in alarm, "Why don't I feel anything? Taehyung, are you okay?"

"It hurts!" he screeches, "My stomach is being torn in two! And my chest is so sore and my lower back is so achy. Am I going to die?!"

"Wait, I don't understand why this is only happening to you… Is it appendicitis?" you ask, sympathetically running your fingers through his soft caramel hair, even as his drool soaks through your shirt, "Should we get you to a hospital?"

"___," he moans, "If I don't make it, just know that I love you, okay?!"

The biology student has always been dramatic and generous with his affection, but this is another level of weird. "Um… Do you want me to call your mom?"

"___, is this your boyfriend or something?" A cool voice calls out from behind.

You jerk in surprise and crane your neck in Taehyung's needy embrace to find your postdoc supervisor standing in the doorway, amusement in her expression as she takes in your inappropriately intimate position. And then you're madly scrambling to break from Taehyung's grip, "No!" you cry out, "This is not what it looks like! This is just the MCB student from the accident remember? I just—stop it, Tae!" you push him away by the forehead when he starts gnawing at the collar of your shirt.

"Hmm, I didn't realize that you guys were dating already. Do you mind taking this to the lounge room?" she asks as she brushes past you to her desk.

"I'm so sorry, Jihye-ssi. We will get out of here immediately." And then you grab Taehyung by the back of the neck to forcefully drag him out of your lab.

You're just about to push him through the front door when Taehyung suddenly grabs at your hair, "Yes, Tae?" you ask in the calmest voice you can muster.

"I just… I really love dogs," and with that, he bursts into tears.

You stand there for a while, awkwardly petting his hair in utter confusion when a lab mate nearly runs into the two of you as he enters through the doorway, "Whoa, is someone PMS-ing?" he laughs before strolling past into the lab.

You can't speak for a few moments as your lab mate's lighthearted jibe sinks under your skin. Then you turn to Taehyung with fire burning in your eyes, "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

Half an hour later, the two of you sit side by side in the lounge room, heating patches on your tummies, steaming mugs of chamomile tea in hand, and an entire bottle of midol on the table in front of you.

"I'm sorry," Taehyung whispers for the hundredth time.

You rub your fingertips into your temples, "I told you not to talk for the next half hour."

"…Sorry."

There's a brief moment of blessed peace while you pour over your lab notebook, when you suddenly feel hands on your shoulders, making you flinch at once. "What the hell are you doing, Taehyung?"

"My shoulders ache," he explains as he kneads his large hands into your tense muscles, "Which means that yours must hurt, too. Doesn't this feel nice?"

You know that you should nip this overly touchy feely habit of his in the bud before he gets too comfortable. But then he works out a particular kink in your neck that has bliss flooding your system and you can't find your voice to complain.

"Oh god," Taehyung unexpectedly moans, "Wow, that's good."

You're confused for half a second before you remember that your nervous systems are connected. Then you're cringing with embarrassment, "Taehyung!"

"Oh, right there," he groans as he rolls the palm of his hand against the nape of your neck, "Shit!"

Your face is probably as red as a beet at this point, "Tae!" you hiss at him, "Are you doing this for you or me?!"

"For both of us," he says with a toothy grin, "Your muscles are so much smaller than mine and so easy to loosen… This feels way better on you than it does on me. It's amazing!"

You hurriedly turn around to slap his hands off of you, "Stop that! You're causing a scene with those obscene sounds!"

"There's no one in here this early in the morning," Taehyung protests, "Please let me give you a massage? It feels so nice… Also can I rub your stomach too? I'm still cramping."

A little pout appears on his handsome face as he says this, and you feel your resistance crumbling. He's surprisingly adorable, like a little puppy dog. You're so tempted to concede. But then—

"And your boobs, too? They're so sore."

Your mouth drops, "You fucking pervert!" You screech at him, turning to aim a punch at his arm, not caring when you hurt yourself in the process.

"Ouch, that's not what I mean!" he cries out, arms raising to defend himself, "I just wanted to make you feel better—wait, no," he blanches at his unfortunate word choice, "No, I swear I didn't mean to—"

"Ow!" You both scream out in synchronized agony when you kick him in the butt.

It takes a few days for you to finally get over the period debacle. And Taehyung has to grovel at your feet with ice cream before you finally forgive him… Though you continue to wear turtlenecks every day at work, despite the heat of the summer, in case he gets the wrong idea again.

Finally, it's Friday night. An older graduate student in the molecular cell biology program has passed his oral dissertation defense earlier this week, and invited you out to celebrate. Your classmates are all probably already at the bar right now, doing a quick happy hour round of drinks before heading to the club. But you can't bring yourself to leave the comfort of your sofa.

Your favorite drama is playing on the TV and you've got a six-pack of beer all to yourself. This beats going out any day of the week. You happily crack open another can and take a hearty sip. Treat. Yo. Self.

You kick your legs out on the sofa, stretching your cramped legs out like a cat, when a sudden tickle in the pit of your stomach makes you pause. Is that Taehyung…? You frown as you slowly sit up and press both hands to your abdomen. That's funny. When you talked to him earlier today, he said that he was also planning a quiet night in. Huh. Must be the alcohol then.

You squint into the can of beer in your hand, then shrug and take another swing. Even if the alcohol's gone bad, no broke ass grad student would dare toss it out. Instead, you decide to head to the kitchen to grab some snacks to neutralize the acidity. But as you're reaching for some potato chips on the top shelf, an intense sensation sweeps over your core, making you double over with a shriek.

But no matter how you grab at your stomach, it doesn't stop the dark pleasure from rolling over you in waves. This is definitely no alcohol-induced cramp. This must be—

"Kim Taehyung!" You screech his name like a curse as you run into the other room to snatch up your phone and punch in his number vigorously. You're pissed to find that his number has made it to the top of your contacts list—that's how damn often you've been angrily called him up in the past three weeks.

The phone rings and rings for nearly half a minute before Taehyung finally picks up, "Oh… hello…" The guilty unease in his tone confirms your suspicions.

"Are you… Are you doing what I fucking think you're doing right now?!"

"Um…"

"What the hell were you thinking?!" You snarl at him, "Who the fuck are you with right now?! You told me you'd be alone!"

"I am alone," he insists.

"What? Don't lie to me. If you were alone then why do I…?" your voice trails off as the revelation suddenly hits you, "Oh… my… god. Kim Taehyung, are you fucking masturbating right now?!"

He gulps on the other end, "…Maybe?"

You narrowly resist the urge to slap your forehead in frustration and cross the room to pick up your beer, chugging half the can in one go. Then you hiccup and wipe your mouth, "Taehyung!" You bellow when you catch your voice, "What did I tell you about doing these sorts of things when we share the same fucking nervous system?!"

"But, ___," he whines, "It's been three weeks!"

"So what?!" You bark back.

"I haven't been able to get myself off for three whole weeks, ___. It hurts!"

You collapse back on the couch with a deep sigh, "Taehyung, we are so close. Seriously, it'll only take a few more days—a week max—to fix the machine. Then we'll be back to normal and you can jerk off as many fucking times as you feel like. Does that sound good to you?"

He pauses for a moment, then whimpers, "I can't wait that long."

"Taehyung!"

"___," he groans your name, "I am so hard. If I don't come right now, do you even know how bad the blue balls will be? I'm doing this for your sake, too!"

"Well then you shouldn't have worked yourself up to such a state! What the hell were you even doing?!"

"I'm sorry, but I'm a man!" he exclaims, "I just pop random boners all the time—it's biological!"

"How are you still acting like a pubescent teen at your age?" you hotly shoot back, "Control yourself!"

"Who's the biologist here?" he exclaims, "It's normal and healthy!"

"Hey, wait a minute! Computational biology is still a discipline of biology, you self-centered prick! You think you're all that just because you play around with a bunch of rodents all day? Well, you ain't shit, bitch!"

There's a beat of dead silence. Then, chagrin fills you from your childish outburst. You open your mouth to apologize and backtrack, when electric pleasure suddenly spikes in your stomach, followed by a deep groan on the other end. Astonishment fills you, "Are you touching yourself right now?!"

He grunts in response, and the pleasure continues, growing in intensity you can barely think, "You sound so hot when you're cursing like that."

Your mouth dries, "Are you… are you getting off to this conversation?"

"Mmhmm," he shamelessly increases the speed of his strokes until his wrists burn from the effort. You can feel the pain as clearly as if it was your own. And as for the throbbing length clutched tightly in his fist… You don't possess that particular appendage yourself, but you can vividly feel how his long fingers caress each sensitive area until stars are bursting past your eyelids. "Keep talking, ___," he pleads with you, "It's seriously so hot."

There's no way you're going along with this ridiculous, unprofessional request. This is definitely crossing a line! So you open your mouth to deny him, but at that second, he twists his hand up his length, wrist flicking at the tip so perfectly that a moan comes pouring out instead.

He pauses at that, sucking a breath through his teeth and you can feel his erection twitch in his grip, "Fuck, that's even better," he curses, "___, moan for me again."

"Why can't you f-fucking watch some porn and—hng—and l-leave me alone?!"

"Oh god, that's it, baby," he hisses, "Keep talking to me like that. You're making me so hot."

His words pool directly in your center. You press your thighs together to resist the urge to reach for your vibrator and shakily grab your forgotten beer instead. But your hand trembles too hard to keep the can steady and you end up sloshing the drink over when you take a sip. Both of you gasp when the icy liquid trickles down your shirt and under your bra.

"Holy shit," Taehyung chokes out, "Are you pressing ice to your nipples? You naughty little girl."

"Wait, no!" You exclaim in horror, "That wasn't my intention! I accidentally—ah!" you shriek when he abruptly cups his balls.

"I'm close," he pants as he expertly fondles himself with both hands.

Forgetting that he can't see you on the other end, you nod your head, then collapse onto the couch, your eyes fluttering shut against the overwhelming bliss that consumes every nerve ending. It's so different feeling pleasure with a male body. It usually takes you forever to get yourself warmed up, with or without a partner's help. And even then, the wrong touch or a slight, millimeter's adjustment in angle will shift the budding pleasure to irritation in the blink of an eye. But with Taehyung… every single touch feels like liquid fire. It's so good that you find your hips lifting off the couch, instinctively careening forward for more.

"H-hurry Taehyung," you find yourself begging, "Please hurry."

He groans at the desperation in your tone, and jerks himself off harder, using the excessive precum at the head of his swollen dick to lubricate his movements. You can feel the pressure building in his balls, his orgasm so close that you can taste it on the tip of your tongue.

"Fuck, ___!" He groans, whole body wracked with shudders as he races towards the end. Another half dozen hard pumps of his slick length, then he releasing with a guttural shout.

Your mind completely blanks for a few seconds, with nothing but white light filling the hollow of your skull, as ecstasy inundates your system. You're not sure how long you lie there, curled up on the couch quivering from Taehyung's drawn out climax until a cold sensation on your stomach jerks you out of it.

"Sorry, ___," he whispers, his voice hoarse from his orgasm, "I'm just cleaning off."

"O-oh," you say, heat flushing your face as you shakily reach for your half-empty can of beer to take a sip. The hand Taehyung suddenly wraps around his limp dick makes you spit it out again. "Taehyung!"

"Sorry," he says again, "I don't know what's wrong with me. I just came, but I already want to come again. I'm so horny, ___," he whines, reaching down to squeeze his hypersensitive length again, "Ow! But it hurts when I touch myself. What the hell is going on?!"

You are so embarrassed at this point that you pray for the ground to open up and swallow you whole. All you should do at this point is hang up and pretend like nothing happened. This is just a lab colleague, not someone you should be having phone sex with. This is beyond crossing the line. But somehow… for some crazy, unexplainable reason, you can't bring yourself to hang up the call, allowing the MCB student extra time to connect the dots…

"Wait a minute…" he mutters, "I just got off and I'm horny again… this has never happened to me before… which means… it's you."

Your entire body curls with humiliation, your face so hot that even Taehyung must be able to feel the heat.

"Oh god," Taehyung chokes, "How are you this turned on when you haven't even been touched?"

"Taehyung!" you yell out, turning to burning your face in a cushion, thoroughly embarrassed. He chuckles in response, his voice so deep that a new wave of arousal flows over you. Yes, he has had his release, but you certainly have not.

"This hurts, ___," he groans, "Why aren't you touching yourself?"

"This is… this is wildly inappropriate," you stammer, "The machine should be up and running by Monday. And then we can do whatever we want in our personal lives."

"Monday? Are you serious? I can't wait that long. I can't even wait another minute," he grunts when he gives his flaccid penis another squeeze, "Damn my refraction time! Please touch yourself, ___. Please."

You bite down on your bottom lip, sorely tempted by his breathless sounds of pleasure. There's nothing you'd rather do than shove your hand down your pants and grant yourself the relief you've been denied of for three grueling weeks. But you'd never survive the embarrassment, "I can't."

Taehyung huffs in annoyance, "What's the problem? Sure you can… unless…" His Adam's apple bobs in his neck as he swallows, "___... Do you need a hand?"

You're not sure what you were expecting, but you sure as hell weren't expecting that. "What?"

"If I leave now, I think I can get to your apartment in fifteen minutes," he says so quickly that his words come out jumbles, "Let me just grab my keys and I'll—"

"Wait, Tae. Stop!" You exclaim, "Don't come over."

"What? Why not?" he protests, "Are you doubting my abilities, ___? I swear I can make you cum harder than those flimsy little fingers of yours."

You squeeze your eyes shut against the filthy images that swarm your mind, "God, Tae…"

"I'm serious, ___," he murmurs, his voice suddenly dropping to a seductive rumble that you feel down to your core, "Won't you let me help you out? I'm really good with my mouth."

You don't doubt that. You've seen that irritating oral fixation of his first hand, after all. "That… That's not a good idea, Tae."

"Oh, come on," he complains, "It's not a big deal. You helped me out already and I'm just returning the favor… Please let me taste you?"

You're so overwhelmed with desire that you can't speak for a few seconds. Fifteen minutes. That's all you'd have to wait, then Taehyung's beautiful face would be between your legs, that wicked tongue of his delving into you and finally, finally relieving you of this pain. Fuck. It's an offer nearly impossible to resist…

Nearly.

"Fuck you Taehyung!" You screech as you abruptly hang up the call, then throw your phone across the room, careless even when it bounces off the wall. Your trembling legs nearly give out from under you as you scamper across the apartment, and when you finally get to the bathroom, you collapse in the bathtub. Without bothering to remove your clothing, you turn the shower to the coldest setting and allow the icy water to dampen the ravenous flames of your desire…

Still, you have to sit there, drenched and shivering, for nearly half an hour before the urge to drive to Taehyung's apartment and jump his bones finally subsides.

"Hello?" you croak into your phone the next morning. Your head is groggy from sleep deprivation and your throat dry.

"Good afternoon," Jiyoung, a fifth year student in your lab chimes in greeting, "How are you?"

"Good afternoon?" You repeat in confusion, "The hell are you talking about?"

"___... It's three pm… You aren't sleeping by any chance, are you?"

You're flustered by the accusation in her tone, "N-no, of course not! I just thought… that this qualified as evening?"

"Oh… Hmm. I suppose you could be right? Well, good evening then!"

"Good evening," you awkwardly return the greeting, "Is there something wrong?"

"No, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to go grab drinks and go dancing with us tonight."

"Again?" you ask in surprise, "I thought you guys celebrated yesterday."

"Seunghoon's parents unexpected showed up on Friday to take him out to dinner. We had to cancel," She complains, "So I'm trying to gather up everyone for tonight instead. You down?"

You're so exhausted from a sleepless night that you really should be taking some time to recuperate. But the idea of copious alcohol to drown your troubles is too seductive to turn down. "Just text me the time and place and I'm there."

The bar is packed to the brim on a Saturday night at ten o'clock, but luckily your friends have arrived early enough to secure a booth to themselves. You congratulate the recently graduated older students before slinking into a seat in the very back corner to help yourself to the pitcher of beer.

They laugh at your eagerness and help you fill your glass up to the brim, "Someone's looking to have a good time," Jiyoung quips as she slides your beer towards you.

You take a deep drink out of it before responding, "It's been a long week," you say with a smile.

"Well, you better catch up," Seunghoon says as he grabs a shot of tequila off the table and offers it to you, "You're two rounds behind."

Normally, you would politely refuse his offer and laugh it off. But today is much different. Before he can tease you, you grab the shot out of his hand and pour it down your throat without waiting for him to grab the salt and lime. Everyone at the table turns to watch in surprise as you slam the empty glass upside down on the table with a contented smack of your lips.

"Aren't you afraid of how this will affect Taehyung?" Jiyoung hisses at you as she watches you reach for your beer again.

You scowl at the very mention of him, "Why should I be? He can't control what I eat or drink. It's not like we share a stomach."

"Yes, but the repercussions of your drinking could affect him as well," she wisely points out.

"That bitch deserves it," you mutter darkly to yourself as you take another sip.

"Deserves what?" A cheerful voice calls out from behind you.

You turn around and nearly spill the beer down your shirt at the sight of Kim Taehyung beaming at you from where he stands at the head of the table. "T-tae?!"

"Ah, I'm so glad you could make it, Taehyung!" Seunghoon warmly greets the younger man with a hand clasped on his shoulder, "Here, come have a drink with us."

"Thank you, hyung," The biology student happily accepts the beer from the older man, then slides into the booth to join the rest of you. It just so happens that the only room left is the tiniest sliver of space between you and the wall. A normal person would be mindful of the limited seating area and hover on the edge of the seat, as to not brush you. But not Taehyung. The biology student unabashedly takes over the entire seat and encroaches into your personal space as well.

You swallow at the feeling of his thigh pressed shamelessly against yours. You attempt to sidle up to Jiyoung on the other side of you, but she only laughs and pushes you away, complaining of the heat. As a result, you're stuck next to Taehyung, so close that the heat from his body easily soaks through your thin clothing to warm you to the core. Your whole objective behind going out tonight was to drown your sorrows and distract yourself from memories of the night before. It was literally your only goal… and you've been thwarted in a manner of seconds.

You hesitantly reach for your beer again, desperate for something to cool off with, but your elbow accidentally bumps into Taehyung's shoulder when you raise the glass to your lips.

"Oops, it's pretty crowded in here," Taehyung laughs, awkwardly trying to slide his arm out of the way, "Here, this is better."

You nearly choke on your drink when he swings his arm around your shoulders like it's the most natural thing in the world. Less than twenty-four hours ago, he had the same hand that currently rests against your arm wrapped tightly around his cock, pumping himself so furiously that his muscles burned. You resist a shiver when his long, slender fingers begin to play with the sleeve of your shirt.

"I didn't realize that you were friends with Seunghoon," you say in as calm of a voice as you can muster.

"Hmm? Yeah, I know most of the sunbaes in your department. They all treat me well."

Any other day, you'd be almost annoyed by his popularity and his utter ease at making friends. But today, you can't think about anything other than the dexterous fingers playfully skirting under the hem of your short-sleeved shirt. All you can think about is how he had begged to bring you pleasure with these same fingers just the night before. You can clearly imagine how much nicer this would feel if he was teasing between your legs instead. And that little fucker knows exactly what he's doing to you, what you're helplessly conjuring in your mind. He has to, the way his fingers suddenly swirl in tight circles into your skin, as though he was fingering a more sensitive part of your anatomy…

"A-ah, guys!" You exclaim, instantly bounding to your feet to escape Taehyung's evil clutches, "Let's… let's dance!" And without waiting for an answer, you grab Jiyoung's hand to tug her out of the booth.

But with Taehyung sitting at the end, you have no choice but to clamber over his lap, sloppily brushing against his broad chest and grabbing a knee for support when you nearly topple over. He doesn't help you one bit, watching you flounder, but of course he instantly jumps to his feet like the perfect gentleman when it's Jiyoung's turn to crawl out… Asshole.

"Wait, no one's really dancing yet," your lab mate complains as she trips in her heels trying to keep up.

She's right. There's only a smattering of couples on the dance floor at this early hour, and you feel foolish trying to join them with only one shot of tequila to lubricate your inhibitions, but anything is better than that cramped booth with Kim Taehyung. You shake your head clear of all tumultuous thoughts and turn to Jiyoung with a smile.

"This is fun! Come on, let's go!" you exclaim with an awkward swivel of your hips.

"This is embarrassing," she grumbles as she reluctantly sways to the beat, "Everyone's a couple here. There's no one to dance with!"

"Just dance with me," you playfully reach out to grab her by the hips.

She instantly squirms out of your embrace with a squeal, "Stop it!"

"What's wrong?" you frown, disappointed by her rejection.

"You know I've been trying to score a man for weeks! I don't want them getting the wrong impression seeing us together."

You laughingly raise your hands in defeat, "Fine, fine. I'll help wingman you instead… Ooh, look over there! There's a group of cute guys coming towards us."

"What? Oh my god, they're so cute! Hurry, ___. Dance sexier!" Jiyoung hisses at you with a little slap to your pelvis.

"What? What does that mean?" But it's too late, and the guys are already here.

"Hey ladies," a tall man with mussed purple hair greets you, "Mind if we join you?"

Jiyoung tosses her long black hair over her shoulder with a sultry smile, "Not at all."

He grins, both dimples flashing as he begins to dance with her. His moves are a bit stiff, but that is the least of Jiyoung's concerns as her face lights up like it's Christmas day as she eats up his appearance.

You resist the urge to laugh as you watch your lab mate practically drool over this tall, dark stranger. He's clearly her type. She's going to have a lot of fun tonight. Damn. So caught up in your amusement, you forget about his other friends until one of them catches your attention by resting a hand on your hip.

"Would you like to dance, beautiful?"

This man is shorter than the first, but his defined muscles, clearly visible from his clingy muscle shirt, makes your mouth water. You nod your head, eager to take your mind off Taehyung, then twist around to back into his embrace. To your surprise, you quickly realize that you might have gotten the better deal between the two friends when the muscular man behind you begins to grind against you with such fluid movements of his hips that your head feels woozy. His hips are really flexible… and strong. You can't help but wonder in what other context he could demonstrate these skills….

You've only had one shot and a bit of beer, but it's enough to make your head feel woozy, like it's stuffed with cotton, as he continues to roll his hips against you, his hard body pressed against every line of your backside. You're light-headed enough to collapse entirely when his chiseled arms unexpectedly reach out to grab you by the hips.

"What's your name?" he whispers in your ear, his hot breath sending chills down your spine.

You shakily tell him, "It-it's ___. What about you?"

"Jimin," he says.

You can feel the curve of his smile against your neck and it's so sexy that you can't breathe for a moment. You're struggling with a response, when suddenly Jimin is forcibly pulled off of you. You whirl around in surprise to find Taehyung standing in front of you, his hand fisted around the front of Jimin's shirt in a threatening manner.

"Who the fuck are you?" The shorter man exclaims in confusion, both hands raising to try to wrench away Taehyung's hard grip.

But the biology student simply tightens his hold and narrows his eyes to slits, "You don't want to find out." And with that, he lets him go. Jimin mutters a curse under his breath, but is clearly not invested enough to argue any further.

You watch him walk away in despair, "Wait, Jimin!" But it's too late and you're left alone with Taehyung in the middle of the dance floor.

"Don't you think it's a bit rude to pick up another guy when we share the same nervous system?" He quips as he snakes a hand around your waist and pulls you flush against him. "Do you even know how gross it felt to have another man rubbing his dick on your ass?"

Your face flushes with embarrassment, "I'm sorry, Tae. I didn't think about that. I won't let anyone touch me again."

"Good girl," he purrs in satisfaction, "Don't let anyone touch you… except me, of course."

Your eyes widen, "Wait, what?" You try to twist around to look at him, but his grip on your hips is too strong.

He curls a second arm around your middle too, wrapping you in such a tight back-hug that you finally notice a pressure against your lower back. Your eyes widen, "Taehyung, what is that?"

He nuzzles his nose into your hair, breathing in deeply, before responding, "It's your fault," he murmurs, "You're the one who got aroused back there in the booth. My body's just reacting."

The blood drains from your face when you realize that he was perfectly aware of your visceral reaction to his proximity simply from sitting next to him. "Oh god, Tae!" Overcome with embarrassment, you try to escape the uncomfortable situation. But your wiggling causes your ass to unintentionally rub against him, making pleasure shoot through both of your systems.

"Mmm that feels good," he groans, hands grabbing at your waist to hold you in place. He tentatively rolls his hips forward, and both of you groan at the subsequent sensation.

"Two days, Tae," you hiss, "Two fucking days until the machine is fixed. Can't you wait just forty-eight hours?"

"No," he bluntly says before leaning in to press his lips to your neck. "Please let me repay the favor for last night."

You gulp at the feeling of his wet tongue sliding across your pulse point, "Y-you're just saying that because you want to feel my orgasm."

"No. I'd happily eat you out for hours even when our nervous systems are separated on Monday… But it would feel nicer for both of us if you let me do it today."

You shake your head, trying to dissipate the tendrils of lust that curl in your mind, blocking your rational thought process, "You fucking pervert," you curse at him, enraged by the way he's so easily getting under your skin.

"Hey, you got to experience my orgasm yesterday," he chuckles in your ear, "And don't you even try to deny that you enjoyed it. I know you did. So isn't it fair that you let me feel yours?"

"Fine," you snap, "Let me go so I can rub one out then."

"Wait, why? Can't I give you a hand?" he whines, tightening his grip on your waist as he continues to rub his bulge against your ass, building the pressure in his stomach until it reaches its boiling point. You can't help grinding your hips back against him, increasing the intense sensations until he grabs your arm with a yelp, "Ah, ___, what are you doing? You're going to make me cum."

Your eyes threaten to roll back at the way he moans that statement in your ear, but you force yourself to collect your wits and roll your hips back against him as hard as you can, "Good," you pant, "Get it out of your system."

"I don't want to cum in my pants," he groans, crashing his mouth against the crook of your neck to muffle his sounds, "I want to cum inside of you."

His filthy words combined with the feeling of his teeth grazing your neck makes it hard to think. You glance around the dance floor desperately to find someone to save you from this situation. But all your friends are still in the booth and Jiyoung's completely absorbed in her tall purple-haired stranger on the other side of the room. You're entirely on your own here. And there's only one thing left to do.

So you spin around and clap both hands on Taehyung's face to yank him down for a searing kiss. He reacts instantaneously, lips parting and tongue darting forward to meet yours. It's so strange to kiss him and feel yourself kissing him at the same time. But this causes the sensations to double, and the dual stimulation is so erotic but you can't help but melt against him, hands scrambling down his body to search for more.

Both of you groan when you unintentionally brush the straining erection in his pants. Taehyung breaks from the kiss to rest his forehead heavily against yours, "My place or yours?"

"Mine," you answer at once, "I'll fucking kill Jeon for real this time if he interrupts."

Taehyung laughs in delight, long legs easily catching up with your rapid stride as you impatiently drag him out of the bar.

Half an hour later, the two of you are crashing through your front door, so thoroughly intertwined that you must have traumatized your neighbors and your poor taxi driver on the way over. Taehyung's belt is unbuckled, his shirt unbuttoned to his navel, and your skirt is pushed up over your hips, his hand firmly lodged in your underwear—a position he hasn't budged one inch from since sliding his hand down your waistband in the backseat of the taxi.

"T-tae," you stammer as you kick the door shut, "Take this off," you say, yanking impatiently at his shirt. You manage to undo all the buttons, but he refuses to remove his hand from your panties long enough for you to pull the shirt off his arms.

"I am so fucking glad that you were the one who went into the machine after me," he groans as he rubs hard circles against your clit.

You shakily laugh as you give up on his shirt and work on his jeans instead, "This wouldn't be as fun, then… unless you were actually hoping for Dr. Bang Sihyuk to run after you instead…?"

Taehyung pauses to shoot you a look of disgust, "What's wrong with you?!"

You giggle at his reaction, "No offense, Tae, but I was hoping that Dr. Bang would be the one in the machine… or maybe even Kim Sejin," you say, referencing, the tall lab technician in the Bang lab, "But alas, here I am, stuck with you," you say with a dramatic sigh.

"Oh, sweetheart, now you're just asking for trouble."

Your laughter melts to a moan when he pinches at your clit in retaliation, "Oh, come on, Tae. Don't pretend like you've been in love with me and plotting this the whole time. I'm not stupid enough to fall for that bullshit."

"It's true. I didn't really know who you were before this, nor did I care much," Taehyung admits as his free hand reaches to unzip your dress, "But then you kicked Jeon Jungkook's ass for me three weeks ago... And that's when I fell for you."

You jerk up in surprise, "What? You fell for me… Because I was beating up your roommate?!"

He enthusiastically nods, "Yeah, it was so hot! I knew I had to have you after that."

"Are you crazy?" You bark, suddenly jumping away from him in concern, "How could you actually be into weird shit like that? Are you a pervert?"

He chuckles, "You're just so sexy when you're all aggressive like that. I was so horny afterwards that I wanted to touch myself that very day, but somehow I managed to hold back until last night… Aren't you impressed by my self-control?"

The way he beams at you, eyes scrunched up in delight, you're reminded of a small child seeking praise. It's so adorable that your stomach churns at the thought of corrupting his innocence. "Oh god, you're like a baby," you groan, "What kind of adult actually goes around fishing for compliments like that?!"

"What's wrong with that?" He pouts, grabbing you by the arm when you try to remove yourself from his embrace, "I've been hard every night for weeks, ___, just thinking about you and how hot you'd look all steamed up, yelling at me to fuck you… Don't you think I deserve a reward for that?"

You can't speak for a few moments, resigned to simply gawk at his sudden shift from innocent to carnivorous in half a second flat. His eyes, clear and bright with laughter a moment ago, are now so dark that they appear lupine under the dim lighting. You can't help stagger back a step, your body unconsciously attempting to put distance between yourself and this predator.

Noticing your fearful reaction, Taehyung smirks and takes a long step forward, rudely intruding into your personal space, "Get down on your knees."

You find yourself dropping to a kneeling position before you can process your actions. Something about the darkness of his gaze triggered this visceral need to obey. Pleased by your reaction, Taehyung affectionately strokes his thumb over your bottom lip, then reaches to fumble with his belt. He's just managed to unzip his fly and shove his jeans down to mid-thigh, when he suddenly pauses.

A mischievous smile slowly unfurls across Taehyung's face as he drops his hands from his crotch, "___... I have an idea."

Dread fills you as you watch him cock his head to the side in curiosity. Uh oh. "Wh-what is it, Tae?"

His smile broadens, "Where's your bedroom?"

Your mouth dries at his unexpected question. Then you're rising to your feet, grabbing Taehyung by the wrist to drag him to your bedroom. You pause for a second by the foot of the bed, expecting him to lay back against the headboards for you to suck him off, but to your surprise, he pushes at your lower back to urge you onto the mattress. Confused, you follow his directions, crawling towards the headboards. But before you can reach your target, Taehyung grabs you by the ankle to flip you over onto your back.

Then he's climbing onto the bed after you, sliding up to cover you with his body. His shirt is unbuttoned to the waist, offering you glimpses of lean, tanned muscle before he's abruptly dropping his weight on top of you to trap you against the mattress. Then his mouth is at your neck, sucking at the ultra-sensitive flesh in a way that makes you both moan.

"This is unfair," you complain, "Y-you're only doing this because it feels good to you, too. But you're not left with ugly ass hickies."

Taehyung chuckles at this, "Don't worry; I'll let you mark me up later," and with that ominous promise, he slides down the length of your body, large hands shoving your legs apart to make room for his head.

Your breath catches in your throat when his intentions become glaringly clear. At first, you're touched by his seemingly selfless gesture, forgoing a blowjob to eat you out. But then you remember your situation. "You're a fucking pervert!" you growl as you attempt to snap your legs shut.

But he simply laughs and crams his body between your thighs to wrench them open, "I'm just curious to see how it feels, ___. They say the female orgasm is way better…"

"I'm not one of your fucking guinea pigs to experiment on, Tae!"

"They're mice, ___," he gently corrects as he attempts to coax your skirt down your legs, "And why do you always think the worst of me? I swear I'm not as selfish as you make me seem!"

You snort loudly at that, "Yeah, because you're more selfish."

His eyes narrow dangerously, "I'll make you eat your words once we're separated, baby girl."

Your eyebrows raise, "Oh, is that so? And how do you plan on doing that?"

"Like this," he says, suddenly swooping down to swipe his tongue over your drenched slit.

You gasp in surprise, hips instantly rising off the mattress to meet the heat of his mouth. It's so weird being able to feel the softness of your pussy on his tongue at the same time, but it turns Taehyung on so much to taste you that you can't help but react as well.

"Oh shit," Taehyung groans as he struggles to continue flicking his tongue over your clit, "I wanted to tease the fuck out of you… You're such a little brat, you don't deserve to cum… But this feels so fucking good. Goddamn."

Your laugh turns into a warbled shout when he suddenly wraps his lips around your clit and sucks hard enough to send tears to your eyes. The pleasure is so fierce that Taehyung instantly descends into mindless lust, furiously sucking at your clit while his hips hump against the bed, uncontrollably.

"Oh my god," Taehyung moans around your pussy, "Oh. My. God. How am I so good at this?"

This instantly snaps you out of your cloud of bliss, "Wait, what?"

"Mmm, I've always known I was good at this, but I didn't know I was this good. Damn, those girls really weren't faking it."

Your arousal fizzles out, "You arrogant fuck!" you hiss at him, shoving at his head, "Get off of me!"

"Why?" Taehyung complains, clinging to your thighs, "This feels fucking awesome!"

"I'm not here to stoke that oversized ego of yours," you seethe, "Your head is already too damn big."

"It's an objective truth that I am good with my mouth," he laughs as he lightly kisses the inside of your thigh, "You can't deny it!"

"It's also an objective truth that I can shove my foot up your ass," you mimic him.

He cheekily sticks his tongue out at you, "Yes, but it'd hurt you too, babe… Unless you're secretly into that…?"

"How are you such a fucking pervert?!" you exclaim as you angrily kick him out from between your legs, "Get on your back, bitch."

Taehyung giggles happily as he happily flips over, scrambling to press against the headboards, "Are you going to suck me off, baby?"

You scowl at the childish excitement that brightens his handsome face, "No," you bluntly say, just so you can watch the smile slide off his face with sadistic relish.

"What? But, ___," he whines.

You clap a hand over his mouth before he can complain further, "I have never met anyone so damn noisy." And with that, you lean down to paw at the fly of his pants. When your fidgety fingers make contact with his bulge, both of you groan, and the sensation distracts you for a long second before you remember the task at hand. You yank his jeans down to mid-thigh as soon as you get them open, then reach in his underwear to pull out his rigid length without a moment's hesitation. You roll it in your fist for a few moments, shivering at the pleasure, before you collect your senses to reach in the nightstand for a condom.

Taehyung breaks out of his blissful trance at the feeling of you rolling the latex down his length, "Ah, aren't you on the pill?"

"Yes, but I can still catch your nasty ass diseases," you gently reprimand him as you test the hold of the rubber.

Taehyung scowls at that, "I could've checked us both out at the lab in like ten minutes," he grumbles, "But you had to be difficult and hold out on me until the last possible second…"

You roll your eyes, "Shut up."

He opens his mouth to argue more, so you have to stifle his complaints by rising on your haunches and abruptly dropping yourself on his cock. The pleasure that suddenly bursts in your system with the force of a rifle blast to the gut takes you completely by surprise. You have never experienced such immense pleasure so abruptly before, and you can't bring yourself to move as you sit frozen on his dick, helpless but to soak in the sensations.

His manhood is so sensitive, laced with nerve endings that light up at the feeling of your wet, unbelievably tight heat swallowing him whole. You're cushioning every inch of his cock so beautifully, warmth enveloping every side, and squeezing so hard that he can barely breathe. You've never imagined that sex would feel this incredible for a man. Lucky ass bastards.

Taehyung is equally as affected. He kicks his head back at the feeling, mouth hanging agape and fingers twisting around the sheets underneath him to attempt to stable himself. There's a long pause where the two of you struggle to process the overwhelming sensations. Everything is so strange and foreign that you can't think, and as a result, Taehyung is the first one to come to his senses.

"This isn't as good as I thought it'd be," he says as a small frown creases his brow.

Your jaw drops in indignation. Who does this asshole think he is? How good could the pussy he's been getting possibly be if yours doesn't match up? "What the fuck Tae?!" You spit at him, "If it's such shit, why don't you just go fuck yourself?!"

He quickly whips out a hand to grab your hip, anxiously holding you in place when you move to roll off of him, "That's not what I meant, ___," he rushes to clarify, "You feel amazing around me. But how I feel to you… Sex really isn't that great for women… Shit."

Your lips twitch with amusement at his unexpected response, anger quickly forgotten, "Yeah, you idiot boneheads all think your dicks are made of gold or some shit. But it really just feels like an irritating poking half the time."

"And it kinda hurts!" Taehyung exclaims in shock when a sudden rocketing of his hips causes pain to shoot through your system, "What the hell?! This is so unfair!"

You bite back a laugh as you gently grind yourself against him in small circles, "It's all about finding the right angle," you explain as you swivel around his cock, "It's more like a slow build. Intercourse for women is probably more similar to anal for you guys, since you have your prostate and all that."

Taehyung's brow furrows as he tries to muse over your words through the blaze of pleasure, "That makes sense. There are twice the nerve endings in a clitoris than a penis, so it's insane how we don't focus more on that during sex."

"There's also a recent study that demonstrated that vaginal orgasms might just be deep clitoral orgasms," you add.

"Really?" His eyes widen, "What was the sample size of this study? What was the data collection method?"

"Hmm, I'm not sure, but it wasn't just self-report."

"Wait, what about the G-spot, then?" he persists, "Or does that just stimulate the clitoris from the inside out?"

"That's exactly right!" You exclaim, impressed by his quick deduction, "The G-spot is on the anterior wall of the vagina, remember? Which is the location of the clitoris."

"Oh, where the clitoral crura lies?"

"Yes, under the urethra."

"Damn… I've never thought about this before… I feel so guilty now," Taehyung says, his face twisting in displeasure.

"No, don't be. This just proves that even indirect stimulation of the clitoris is sufficient in approximately—oh my god, Tae. What the fuck are we talking about?!"

"About how the human body is so flawed so I should go down on you for a century after this to make up for all of mankind's selfishness."

You chuckle at his words, "You are so lame. I've never had such a nerdy conversation during sex before."

Taehyung grunts in response, "I'm just so pissed that this feels fucking incredible to me, but so mediocre to you… Don't worry, though. I'll make it up to you."

Before you can ask him what he means, he licks his fingers then reaches between your legs to thumb at your clit. The pleasure bursts across your senses like a whip lashing under your skin. Both of you recoil at once, toes curling and moans filling the bedroom.

"Oh fuck, you're clenching on me so hard right now," Taehyung pants as he speeds up the motions of his long, slender fingers on your clit.

"Mmm, I didn't realize it felt so good when I did that," you say, clamping down on him over and over until both of you are struggling to breathe. Suddenly, it breaks into a full out war between the two of you to see who can fuck up the other more—Taehyung with his nimble fingers, or you with your incessant clenching.

The only problem is that you fuck up yourselves in the process. Taehyung's additional pleasure is not additive, but rather multiplicative… exponentially multiplicative. Experiencing his pleasure increases your arousal, which in turn gets him even more worked up, and so this continues multiplying to infinity until all you can see is blinding white light swallowing your vision as you descend into madness.

"This is s-so good," Taehyung huffs as he runs rapid laps around your clit with his slick, textured fingerprints. "So fucking good, oh my god."

You ride him harder with a whimper of response, making the whole bed shake from the force of your thrusts. It's only been a handful of minutes. This isn't nearly enough time to get you off in a normal setting. But the two of you keep building off of each other's pleasure. And the combined force of his wicked fingers on your clit, his thick cock stretching you to the hilt, and the strange, but addictive feeling of your heat wrapping and tightening around his length pushes you to the limit.

Your entire body stiffens on top of Taehyung's for a second, squeezing down on him hard enough to hurt, then you're cumming all over his cock. You can hear the sound of Taehyung's strangled shout of pleasure faintly in the back of your mind as your climax sweeps through your senses.

The two of you are frozen solid for a few seconds as you process the aftermath of such an intense orgasm. But the voracious lust quickly returns, ten-times stronger than before. You're too perplexed by this painful need so soon after your orgasm to move, so Taehyung takes the initiative to rise to his knees and slam you flat on your back. Then he's thrusting into you hard enough to send you flying if not for his bruising grip on your hips.

Helpless moans fly from Taehyung's lips as he drills into yours, furiously chasing after his high. You try to raise your hips to meet him thrust for thrust. But your strength has been sapped by the relentless pleasure and your whole body trembles too hard to meet him halfway. So you can only lie there, boneless and sweaty, as you revel in the vicarious pleasure. Another dozen desperate surges into your heat, and he snaps.

Your mind blanks of all thoughts for a long, breathless second, and your vision narrows to a pinpoint of light. Then, everything bursts back into place, white light blinding behind your closed eyelids as pleasure inundates your system like waves of a tsunami. You're left helplessly writhing in the sheets until Taehyung shudders with sensitivity and pulls out of you. Then, you both collapse onto the mattress, heaving with exertion and boneless with exhaustion.

"Damn," Taehyung gasps as he turns to nuzzle his face into your neck, "I didn't know female orgasms lasted so long."

You chuckle, "Well, I didn't realize that male orgasms caused your mind to blank like that."

Taehyung smiles as he awkwardly shuffles off the bed to dispose of his filled condom. When he comes back to join you in bed, you instantly roll over to curl your limbs around him, in need of a bit of cuddling after a great orgasm. Taehyung happily pulls you onto his chest and burrows his nose into your hair, "___," he whispers your name.

"Hmm?" you sleepily respond, your heavy lids sliding to a shut.

Taehyung affectionately peppers kisses all over your bare shoulder before responding, "I know that you're tired… But how long will it take before you're ready to go again?"

Your eyes flash open in shock, "Wait… again…? You want to do that again?"

The biology grad student bobs his head up and down in affirmation, "Of course! That was the best thing I've ever felt in my entire life!"

You pause for a moment. Then you shrug, "Ok."

Taehyung's mouth splits into a wide grin, "That was easy to convince you."

You shoot him the dirtiest look you can muster, "I'm a scientist, Tae. This is an unprecedented opportunity to examine biological differences in orgasmic experience between men and women!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Taehyung says with a roll of his eyes, "Just admit that you're horny too."

You purse your lips into a thin line, "Ok, maybe that's true… But a researcher has to be interested in her work or she won't be invested!"

"No wonder you're such a great scientist then," Taehyung happily agrees, even as he flops over to bury his face in your chest and nip at the sensitive skin.

"Are you going to eat my pussy right this time, Tae?" you teasingly ask as you thread your hands through his hair and gently push his head between your legs.

He briefly pops up to flash a smile at you, "I think you mean our pussy."

"…"

"... ___...? What's wrong?"

"… Suddenly I don't want to do this research with you anymore."

"What? No, please!" Taehyung grabs at your wrist when you try to shove him away, "I didn't mean that!"

"Why couldn't it have been Dr. Bang in the machine with me…?" you lament.

"What?! I'm a way better collaborator, I swear."

You flop over to glare at him, "You're not getting third author on this publication."

"Of course not," he easily agrees, trying to appease you, "You definitely deserve to be third! Hell, you should be second! Take Dr. Bang's spot for all I care!"

You giggle at his words, "Good boy, Tae. I think you deserve me sucking your dick for that."

"You mean our—"

"Don't you fucking dare finish that sentence."

"Hello, ___? Why aren't you in lab?" Jihye asks in concern as soon as the phone connects.

"I'm taking the day off," you groan as you rub the sleep from your droopy eyes.

"What? No, ___, you need to get to campus immediately. The scanner has been fixed!"

"Wait, really?"

"Yes! We fixed it this morning. Hurry and come to lab so we can separate your nervous system from Taehyung's once and for all."

"…"

"Hello, are you still there?" Jihye asks, confused when she doesn't receive a reply.

"… oh shit, I think we're breaking up."

"What? The connection sounds fine to me. What are you—"

"Uh oh, this sucks. Bye!" And with that, you hang up the phone.

Your actions disturb the slumbering body in bed with you. Taehyung sleepily stretches his arms over his head with a loud yawn, "What was that about, baby?"

You simply shake your head, turning to allow him to spoon you closer to the warmth of his body, "Don't worry about it."

A/N: ... I apologize for this nonsense crack. 

[bloghealthinterventions]

Episode #16 Protecting Your Personal Life

When you are working in the medical profession there is a lot of demand on you. You are seeing patients, charting, managing authorizations and if a business owner, the business. There is a lot of stress and time involved in that. The time and stress can start to creep in and take over your personal life.  In this episode, we are going to take a look at how that happens, how it looks from your family’s point of view and ways to protect your personal life from being consumed by your work life.

  When you are new to this profession, it doesn’t seem so difficult to see the patient, chart on the patient, follow up on labs that you have ordered and be finished by the end of the day. Especially when you are often not given the real picture of a full patient load during your clinical experience. You get shielded as a student from the big picture. As your patient load increases, or you start to encounter more complex patients that require extra care coordination getting that charting done might be a little bit more difficult before the end of the day. Next thing you know you’re taking your charting home. This begins interfering with your home life. Most often, your family does not understand why when you get off at five or 6 o’clock you still have to work. Unfortunately, this is where we are right now, with a ridiculous amount of documentation required for reimbursement. With the introduction of pay for performance reimbursement, we will see what happens. The theory behind this pay for performance is that it is about the quality of care, not the quantity of care. Meaning that instead of billing the E& M codes You will be coding the diagnosis’ and the outcomes. Meaning you are reimbursed and incentivized for A1C, BP and cholesterol levels within goal and for decreasing visits to the ED. Unfortunately, this doesn’t reduce the number of patients that NEED to be seen when you are booked out 6 weeks.  The current system requirements to see 30 to 40 patients a day to make a viable income is quite ridiculous. This reduces the quality of time spent with the patient. 

 You often find yourself needing to choose between getting your work done before the end of the day or spending your time with the patient that is in desperate need of your attention and services. Patients do not come in with a clear-cut problem that can be tended to in 15 minutes. Often the patient will come in and you’ll finish reviewing the studies, Completing your objectives for the visit just in the nick of time, with your hand on the door and they say, oh one more thing.

 Of course, you don’t want to cut them off, you need to address with that one more thing is. You can’t have them make another appointment to go over that one more thing because you were booked out for the next six weeks and they are there now in front of you requesting another moment of your time. That moment usually turns into an additional 15 minutes. Most insurance companies will not reimburse you for the extra time spent on an acute problem that was added on to the established care visit. They want you to make them have a separate visit for acute problems. 

 Again, the goal of this podcasting adventure is not to get into data and details and regulations and insurance issues. The goal is to put things into real life. To give you the tips and tricks that you need to take care of yourself and take care of your patients, preserving your sanity and their health. In episode #8 I talked about How To Maximize That 15 -Minute Visit to be able to fit it all in. If you haven’t listened to that one check, it out. I’ll link to it in the show notes for today. 

 You don’t want to become bitter and burned out and forget the reason that you went into this profession. You don’t want to start neglecting the patient’s needs because you need to finish charting or move on to the next patient. You also do not want to take it home with you and become irritable or spend your free time working on documentation.

 Today I want to share with you a chance encounter I had to see things from the family’s side.  The encounter I want to discuss is the one involving the significant other of another nurse practitioner asking me for advice or support. This encounter was with a gentleman that was at my office to do some contract work. He had scheduled the work for me to be done on a holiday weekend. I gratefully accepted the offer to meet me at the office on this day, as my schedule is quite insane and the issue at hand need to be tended to rather quickly. While he was there doing the work, I asked why he had offered to do it on a holiday weekend. I learned that his wife was a fairly new nurse practitioner, in a primary care office, And then came what was like a huge slap in the face of reality to me. The reality of the current situation in our profession. 

 He said to me, “she’s always working anyway, doing charts and stuff so it doesn’t matter”.

 I was literally speechless for a few moments. He looked so sad and looked away, shrugging his shoulders as he said it. We continue to have the conversation around the work situation. I felt it almost an obligation to help him to understand some of the downfalls to what we do in our profession. I of course supported the fact that our patients are more important to us than ourselves sometimes, even if that wasn’t right. Inside, I deeply wanted to help him to not be disappointed. I also wanted to be supportive of her as she was finding her place in the practice, and with her patients, in her first year of practice. But as I was talking, I found that I was only making it worse inside of myself. Why should I support the fact that this woman was gone from home for 50 hours a week at the office and then brought home her work every evening and weekend and holiday. Why is this right? There was no extra compensation for this. She’s actually compensated per patient. She does not have a base salary; she is completely commission based and at the same time is pushed with minimal experience. Without speaking to her myself, I didn't know the complete extent of this, but I was gathering that she had minimal support in her new role and was not only trying to see the patients, document on the patients, but research of course what was needed to effectively treat her patients. There was a flicker in me that was furious that someone was being treated like this and was being encouraged to run patients through as fast as possible for a dollar with minimal support, but I did not let that out. I just listened. 

 I always thought that the things I did for myself were of my own accord. I own my business, I am an entrepreneurial spirit, I have multiple projects always in the works, therefore self-inducing my demands on self and indulging my workaholic nature. if you were to ask any of my staff, they would tell you they don’t ever want me to have free time because it will only give me time to think about new ideas. I will blame this trait on my mother. 

  Nothing is ever perfect, but You have to learn how to work with in your career and your life with balance. Balance is the key. And if you don't get that balance from the beginning or work hard to find that balance once you own up to it as a need, you’ll find that you're getting burnt out. I'm afraid this is only going to lead to misery. You can't do everything; you can't cure everyone, and you can't fix everyone. And when you're honest with yourself and with your employer or coworkers they will appreciate that as much as you do. Your family will appreciate that. In the profession of caretakers, put yourself first, because when you take care of you, you're much better for everyone else.

  The moral of the story in this one, is to hang in there if you are a new graduate and build your confidence. With things like this podcast. It’s a learning process. You do have to seek out other resources. You were given so much information in your program to get you to where you are right now, but unfortunately a lot of it is not real life. You may not have gotten a good first job. You may struggle with finances that have been put on hold while you were in school. Don't succumb to a greedy bully that is called your boss.  Remember that there is a learning curve. Have an open discussion with your family about that learning curve, but definitely be aware of their feelings also and do what you can to not make it a snowball effect that only gets worse instead of better. Start with the discussion with your employer about needing a little bit more time your skills and confidence. If they are not willing to budge, maybe you need to look at other opportunities. 

 Do not sacrifice yourself or your family. There are too many options and opportunities out there. If you’ve been at this a while maybe, consider starting your own practice. If that’s not in your interest that’s ok. There’s no shame in seeking a position that allows you to protect yourself and your family. 

 A little lesson from the heart. We’ll get back to more of the medical stuff next week and care of your patients. I’ve just felt it necessary to give some love to my colleagues for your own health. 

  I encourage you to share your own personal experiences to help others.

 Have a great week! May it be filled with many Health Interventions!

[got-to-tomago-blog]

MADISON’S QUESTIONAIRE

*PERSONAL DETAILS*

Nicknames? Maddie. Although I guess technically Madison is a 'nickname' ;)

Where do you live? Right next door!

What’s your age? 17, dancing queen

Hair color? Dark brown

Eye color? Darker brown

Height? really short, like 5'2"

Date of Birth? December 29

What’s your star sign? Capricorn!

Element? Earth probably.

How many siblings? one (1)

How many pets? zero but I already have a bunch of cat names planned out for my future two cats

Obsessions?

    I want to wipe out all the sad ideas that come to me when I am holding you    I want to erase every nasty thought that bugs me every day of every week

Bad habits?

     When my fingernails get too long I pick at it, I procrastinate a lot, and I also get random ticks (ie drumming my fingers, clucking my tongue it goes on)

Phobias? I would say death, but honestly, it's probably life

*ABOUT YOU* What makes you happy?

     Being with friends I trust. Watching an entertaining show/movie/gameplay

What really irritates you?

     Apathetic people.

What makes you sad?

    Me. Capitalism. The pressures and expectations that society puts on individuals.

What makes you angry?

    People who don't care about other people's feelings. When someone says that it's required to stand for the Pledge of the Allegiance. The rampant racism and sexism and honestly discrimination in general that we humans seem naturally so inclined to.    

What makes you scared?

    The thought of how our universe and everything in it will disappear and we humans will only be a blip in that timeframe. But perhaps that isn't really scary.

    New answer: Trump. Guns. 

Who is your best friend? 

   I have like three best friends outside of bdrp: Rose, Abigail and Riley.

Ever broken a bone?

    Nah. The closest is when I twisted my ankle.

What was the last CD you bought?

    I myself haven't bought any. But like as a family, pretty sure it was Legally Blonde.

What was the last book you read?

    Throwback to middle school with the Raven Boy series.

Who was the last person you spoke to?

     The bus driver haha.

What was the last thing you ate?

    Cookies (that Riley gave me) and yogurt. 

What was the last thing you drank?

    The answer should be water, but it's juice.

What’s the best thing you’ve ever bought?

     I'm young I don't really pay expensive things. I would have to say that of the things that I know that I bought is the book Battle Royale.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever bought?

    I bought a lot of food in my life, some pretty crappy.

What’s the best thing you’ve ever been given?

     I love my parents <3. They got me a violin (several but they sold some back), my Bose headphones, and my drawing tablet (that I should use more).

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever been given?

    Idk my parents sort of know what we want and my grandparents can't really give me anything and I don't remember bad gifts from elementary school friends. But our family gifted ourselves a guitar which my mom wanted but promptly said that the strings hurt her fingers so probably that. 

What are your future goals?

    Happiness, success, and love. 

Describe your bedroom?

     It's pretty small and the walls are yellow and pink with a sticker tree with birds it's pretty cool. I have a bed, dresser and a lil vanity table that has a lot of random stuff on it. 

Who do you consider the most beautiful woman in the world?

  Lupita Nyong'o, Song Ji Hyo, Ashley Moore, IU, Emma Watson

Who do you consider the most handsome man in the world?

  Taron Egerton, Avan Jogia, Lee Jong Suk, Song Joong Ki, Dave Franco

Favorite thing to do on a hot summers day? 

  Eat ice cream

Favorite thing to do on a snowy winters day? 

  Eat ice cream (but inside)

If you were granted 3 wishes, what would they be?

  To use the popular loophole, wish for more wishes. If that's not the case, my wishes would be: world peace, no need to sleep, and the ability to focus on what I want to without getting distracted.

If you could go back in time to see or change something, when would it be and what would you do?

Well, if it was possible for Riley to get professional help without trying to commit suicide that would be awesome. 

/

Doing the extra credit my freshman year for English so I would get an A instead of a 89. Sitting with someone else in sophomore year math class so it would be entertaining and I could avoid the only B I'm gonna get in math during high school. 

/

Doing something about Ryan my freshman or sophomore year. Doing something about Joey.

/

Regretting less. 

What’s the first thing you think about when you wake up?

  Going back to sleep. 

Do you believe in the after-life?

  Yep.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?

  I'll be 27, but that also gives me no sense of time. Probably at a nice office job or graduate school.

What’s the funniest joke you’ve ever been told? 

  Nice shoes, wanna fuck? 

or: This fibonacci joke is as bad as the last two you heard combined

Any hidden talents?

    I once fell asleep while standing. 

Dream job?

  My dream dream job would probably be being a popular actress but also 1) that would never happen and 2) that sounds stressful. So my other dream job is being the position right under the CEO of a very successful company.

Who is your hero?

  you <3

Describe yourself in 3 words: 

  Nice (get it? if not I can explain it to you in discord), smart, passionate

*FAVORITES*

Favorite color? Purple and black

Favorite number? 25

Favorite animal? Pandas and cats.

Favorite sport (to play)? Lol. 

Favorite sport (to watch)? I watch football a lot actually. But have you /seen/ badminton games of professionals it's insane

Favorite Show(s)?

  Too much honestly. KShows: Running Man, the Genius, Problematic Men. Western: Miraculous Ladybug, Misfits, Project Runway and Big Brother as my guilty pleasure

Favorite movies?

  Excluding Disney movies because I love all of them, I highly recommend the Cabin in the Woods, Truman Show, 10 Things I Hate About You, and Old Boy. From there, it's like a tree with tons of movie options.

Favorite band?

  The rubber ones that can change into shapes

jk, the only 'bands' I really like are Kpop, so 2NE1 (rip), BTS, Blackpink and Big Bang.

Favorite song?

  I love Savages by Marina and the Diamonds, Crybaby by Melanie Martinez, and Whistle by Blackpink.

Favorite room in the house?

  My bedroom's pretty cool, I just don't spend a lot of time in there

Favorite food? 

  Chocolate. I also like a large variety of fruit

Favorite drink?

  Apple juice hands down. Besides that, there's this Korean drink called 2% that's really good.

Favorite place?

  Bed? Wizarding World in Orlando Studios, Florida was pretty awesome, and South Korea has some great places. And of course, our expensive home Disney World.

Favorite cartoon character?

  Blossom from Powerpuff girls, Kim Possible from well, ya know, and to continue this trend, Wendy from Gravity Falls.

Favorite day of the week? Saturday.

Favorite day of the year? December 28

Favorite season? Fall

Favorite Holiday? Christmas

Favorite girls name?

  Madison (haha) but I also like the name Victoria. ngl Petrana is a pretty good name too.

Favorite boys name? Ryan

Favorite country? South Korea? Countries are pretty problematic tbh

Favorite smell? Dollar bills ;)

Favorite sound? Fire crackling

Favorite accent? Gonna be stereotypical here and say British.

Favorite Ships (in or our of BDRP)?

  Too much to list in bdrp so I'm just gonna go outside BDRP.  Percy/Annabeth, James/Lily, Spartace (from Running Man), Jungwan/Dukseon (from Reply 1988). I’m not a huge shipper tbh.

Favorite Fandoms? 

  All the fandoms I'm in are basically my favorites (except Gravity Falls to a certain point cuz that fandom has a very big 'weird' side). Disney of course, Harry Potter, PJO/Heroes of Olympus, Miraculous Ladybug (a bit). The Genius, Undertale, Cuphead (to another certain extent I don't play it but man the art is gorgeous), Bright Sessions (!)

*PREFERENCES* Coke or Pepsi? I don't drink either, not a huge fan of fizzy drinks

Pen or Pencil? Pen

Day or Night? Night

Cat or Dog?Cat

Summer or Winter? Winter

T.V. or Radio? Radio (gotta listen to those tunes in the car)

Brains or Beauty? Brains

Cup or Mug? Cup

Tea or Coffee?Tea (i'm not a huge fan of coffee either ngl)

Gold or Silver? Gold

Brush or Comb? Comb

City or Country?City

Early or Late riser? Late late

Blond or Brunette? This is bias against black haired people 😔 so blonde

Scary or Romantic movies? ooOooo idk this one's tough. If it was books it would be romance hands down, but since it's movie I'll say scary

Board or Computer games? Computer games

Half full or Half empty? Half full

  Happy and poor or Sad and rich? man this was tougher than you would think. But since it's based off how I don't think I could actually be 'happy' while poor, I will choose happy and poor. 

Glasses or Contacts? Glasses.

Flowers or Chocolates? Chocolate

Love or Money? Love

Hugs or Kisses? Hugs

~~

And there you have it!

[pearly-mvthafvckin-shen-blog]

How I Spend My Not So Interesting Journey as a Student

By: Halle Shayanne Manuel

For the past 2 years which I became a Senior High School Student, I did not expect the unexpected. I thought of having bigger responsibilities, more complicated projects,  difficult homeworks and different subjects. In my Senior High School life specifically my grade 11 life, I’ve experienced a lot of things like time sacrificing, brain- dying activities,  and yet we ,as a section, survived all these stuffs.

Senior High School is way too different than just being a High School student, and I know who’s currently reading this would probably agree with me, would you? Many things had changed, i mean just on the subjects, uhm not totally just on the subjects, okay let’s move on. The classmates that i had last Grade 10 is also the classmates that i had last Grade 11. I tried to be more accustomed to the abrupt transformation of things and I did adapt into it. Our class was the happiest class that i ever had. As i have experienced, it was  bonded with crazy things and funny moments. Some of the times, backstabbing were going on to some other groups of friends because of some misunderstanding which shouldn’t happen. Thanks to God I never experienced to be lonely, rejected,  made fun of and all that. Because if they did, I don’t mind, I don’t care what they say because the only one who knows well yourself is you.  I had ups and downs. But mostly, I had easy times. Sometimes because of stress I didn’t even care about the deadlines here and there. I will cherish those moments when I didn’t listen to my teacher while discussing and talked to my seatmates instead. And also I almost forgot, one of the most craziest thing that we did is that the times we dared each other to do some crazy stuffs like begging some money from other people as if like we are beggars.

When I was in Junior High School the unforgettable moment for me is our promenade, the butterflies bugging in my stomach whenever my partner and I danced as the music plays for us. The way he waltzed as if he was my prince. The time when the music get slowed down and I cared nothing but him and the dance. I told myself to indulge every second of it because as other people say, “It’s once in a lifetime”. It was all worthwhile, despite my aching toes and blicters of the heels. So moving on, at serious times, I am not serious. I just study and read my notes when needed, specially when we will be having quiz or exam, but when it is just an ordinary time or day I don’t usually scan my notes. Most of the time, I came to school just to have some baon and just to see my friends and to have some quality time together. And i knew i was wrong. My parents work hard for me but I didn’t exert such effort to do my best. But you know that’s High School life is. To trip on, to be cracked, to be playful, just go with the flow and everything will be fun, as they say.

I’m still being nostalgic with my High School days. Whenever I reminisce, It shoves the loneliness inside me. Imagine the friends that I’ve created since i was in Grade 7 will be gone because we need to separate schools as we graduated. I can feel my stomach’s twitching when I think about them— my former classmates. The longing, the urge to see their faces and do some of the craziest stuffs in the world with them. That was possible, before, But I’m afraid that it is impossible now. Seeing them being grateful for their new peers and enjoying one’s company made it more hopeless to bring the bond between us that once held us together. Yet, I have to take it and be happy for them, even if it hurts because we had a lot of memories. But I’m just thinking that one day, we’ll bring out the insanity within us. But to be real, I missed to do all that stuffs with them, I miss them actually.

Senior High School life made me realize to treasure people in my life, to treasure some memories and things that happen and came. Senior High School life made me learn from my mistakes. Learn on how to strive harder on my studies and goals in life. Taught me not to become coward at difficult times, instead, be brave enough to reach the peak.