#i’m a romantic. who does not want romance for herself

[berylgrace]

in a hilariously commitmentphobe move, i had a dream i got engaged and was extremely uncomfortable about it IN THE DREAM and ended things

[thelastairsimblr]

Family Pack #4

I’m happy to share some sims with you all today! In this post, you’ll find 12 households (40 sims total), each with their own stories and biographies. All of these sims have additional Everyday outfits, skills, bonus traits, Likes and Dislikes, sexual orientations, pronouns, family dynamics, and Lifestyles. You can find them all on the gallery under my Origin ID: TheLastAirSimmer or in the tray files linked under the cut! As always, feel free to tag me if you end up using them.

Abreu

A respected food critic, Maria’s opinion is highly valued by all as the towns’ baked good connoisseur. Her husband Joaquin, a renowned pianist, is no exception; he worships the ground she walks on. Together, they project their creative outlooks onto their sons. Santiago, the eldest and a romantic, has the full support of his parents and wants to become a professional wedding photographer. Even though young Rémy feels he didn’t inherit his parents’ imagination, he still wants to make them proud.

Naval

Aparna owned her own restaurant while raising her two girls alone. Hema was able to help out when she was old enough, allowing Aparna to find success and receive critical acclaim by publishing her own cookbook. Today, Hema is focusing on her engineering studies while trying to find love; she’s very smart and sincere, but a bit naive. Ridhi is chasing a riskier path; she wants to be a famous musician. And while Aparna hopes that this is just a phase, she supports her youngest daughter anyway.

Monaghan

As young parents, Stefan and Marianne sacrificed a lot. Stefan became a cop to support his family, but still gets caught up trying to relive his youth from time to time. Marianne longs for the day that she can quit her job at the local diner and become a singer. Soren feels pressure to please his parents, but really just want to play videogames all day while Tatum and Aria constantly bicker, not at all concerned with their parents’ feelings or the wellbeing of Hunter, who just wants attention.

Larson

Quite the jazz singer in his day, Clive is desperate to find ways to stay relevant in the ever-changing music scene. Fiona, longing for the authentic soul who serenaded her years ago, knows she can inspire him again; she’s stood by him through a lot. But until then, you can find the melancholy art critic drinking to yesteryear at the bar. Jade dropped out of college to pursue a career in social media (much to Fiona’s discontent) while Candice is following the artistic path her parents paved.

Agawa

Ever the class clown, Yuto knew that he had a knack for entertaining people. This was only confirmed after he went viral on Social Bunny for the first time! When he told his parents that he wanted to pursue a life in the public eye, they saw it as further evidence that he couldn’t take anything seriously. He makes a decent living streaming video games and his eccentric personality is pure internet gold. Though to be fair, he should probably be a bit cautious with what he says and does online.

Hollifield

As a teen, Whitney’s future looked bright. But she forfeited a lot of opportunities to pursue a whirlwind romance with a boy who had a dangerous edge. They were happy for a time, but it didn’t last and the only thing she kept from that relationship was her daughter Emma. She now works a lowly job in fast food while taking classes at Britechester, hoping to find a career in social media. Her days are busier as a working single mom, but Emma keeps herself entertained by befriending her neighbors.

Catton

Following the loss of her son to avoidable circumstances, Dottie found herself in the care of his two children. Filled with regret for not doing more for her son, the college professor watches the kids like a hawk! She’s keen on using her connections to better their lives. Temperamental Owen does well to make her proud with his grades, but he has an artsy side that he only shares with those closest to him. His little sister Bonnie would rather spend time making friends than studying though.

Qian

After founding a groundbreaking app, Shirong found a place among the company of the rich and powerful. His charming wife Meifing, quite the schmoozer at elite parties, is constantly looking for funding for her next big venture (while also being the go-to-girl for all the neighborhood gossip). Nuo chose to move home after grad school to save money, but is ready to leave and start her own law firm. Her younger brother Haoyu adds to her restlessness by barraging her with his antics.

Sullivan

Atticus’ dad Clifford, a retired veteran, supported his sons’ musical dreams fully, having raised him alone after his wife died. While roaming the world, Atticus met Elisa; a fashion guru with a fiery disposition. The pair had three children and Clifford moved in to help with the newborn. Like her dad, Lydia also wants to be an artist (whether if it’s for her love for acting or a desire to be in the spotlight remains to be seen) while Malicia, afraid of being unseen, finds relief in her friends.

Kingsley-Ramirez

Jaime and Paxton met/moved in together before they could actually get to know each other, both having been new to the city at the time with zero connections. They found themselves compatible not only as roommates, but eventually boyfriends as well! Jaime always puts others before himself; it shows in the passion he has for social justice causes he advocates for. Meanwhile, Pax works a parttime job at a small coffee shop, but is intent on putting himself through school to become a veterinarian.

Tanaka-Murdock

Nigel and Shannon met at Foxbury and developed feelings for each other during study sessions. Though Nigel was the only one to graduate, he admires Shannon for making the decision that was right for her. He enjoys being the breadwinner while Shannon follows her artistic instincts, though he wishes he had his wife’s free spirit. Shannon is quite hard on herself and works tirelessly until she makes something she’s proud of while their son Kason, while a quick learner, really just wants to play.

Miyake

Even if he’s never been the most social person, Kenzo is a loyal and fierce friend to those lucky enough to make it into his circle. A patron of the sciences, he cares deeply about precision and perfection. However, when it comes to raising his son Akira, he wants the boy to follow his own path, even if it’s not exactly the one he would choose for himself. Akira seems to be doing just that; far more sociable than his father, he never fails to leave a lasting impression on anyone he meets.

[smeddiemunson]

No Upside Down AU + a platonic Stobin sleepover + buckingham and steddie referenced.

“So?” Robin asked. 

Steve sucked his teeth. “Robin, we’ve only just started the sleepover, I’m not telling you yet!” 

“I’m in my pyjamas! We have a movie on, we have popcorn! We built a blanket fort!” Robin pointed to each thing in turn as if to remind Steve that he knew exactly how long she had been waiting already. “If you make me wait any longer, I’ll kill you.” 

Steve snorted. It was the most empty threat he’d ever heard in his life. If he died, by Robin’s hand or otherwise, she would follow him soon after. They were soul bonded at this point; one couldn’t exist without the other.

“Alright.” Robin slapped at his arm excitedly. “Alright! Stop hitting me!” 

Robin stopped hitting him but left her hands on his arm, fingers pressing, urging against his skin. 

“It was good.”

“Steve!” Robin moaned, throwing herself back against the pillows in truly dramatic fashion. “You can’t just give me that! I want all the details!”

“I don’t know, Rob!” Steve cried back. “I had fun. He’s really funny and sweet, and...” Steve bit his lip as a blush spread across his cheeks. 

Robin picked up on it like a bloodhound. “At least tell me what film you watched?” 

Steve turned his face away from her, focusing too intently on the movie. “I don’t really remember,” he mumbled. 

Robin squealed. “Steven Harrington, you sly dog! I knew there were details!” 

Steve rolled his eyes. “He had all these blankets and pillows in the back of his van, and he put fairly lights up, and we kinda couldn’t see the screen because we had to park further away for obvious reasons. But-“ Steve took a deep breath, then rushed out, “It might have been the best first date I’ve ever been on.”

“Eddie Munson, a romantic. Who would’ve thought? Certainly not me!”

Steve shoved at her.

“Well don’t stop there! I want the details!”

Steve groaned. “Do you really want the details?” 

“Of course I do! If I can’t have my gay romance, then I want to live through yours!” 

Steve lifted his arm to tuck Robin underneath it and pull her into his chest. He ignored the way she tried to struggle away. “You could still have your gay romance, Birdie. You just have to tell her.” 

“You don’t know that!” Robin replied as she was finally able to get her arms free enough to push away from Steve. 

“She’s friends with Eddie,” Steve reminded her. That should be all Robin needed to know to explain anything about former Queen of Hawkins High, Chrissy Cunningham. 

Robin slapped at him. “Just because she’s friends with a gay person doesn’t mean she is gay, dingus. That’s not how it works!” 

Steve easily batted her hands away with a chuckle. “That’s how it worked with me!” 

Robin groaned. 

“I’m just saying, I would never have thought about being bi if you hadn’t said anything about being a lesbian. Maybe Chrissy is the same!” 

Robin buried her face into her hands. “Okay,” She said, though it was muffled by her hands so much that Steve pulled them away from her face and kept her wrists in his hands.

“Okay. Say, by some miracle, she likes girls, what’s to say that she would like me?”

Steve made a noise of disagreement. “First of all, she would be crazy to not like you because you are amazing and beautiful and the bravest person I’ve ever met—” 

Robin rolled her eyes but Steve merely rolled his back, shook her hands a little and carried on. They’d had this exact conversation before and Steve didn’t feel like retracing it because there were more important things to get to.

“But I am almost certain she does like you back. She definitely flirts with you all the time.”

“No she does not.”

“I think I know more about girls flirting that you do, Robin.”

“Why? Because you turn into a little school girl around Eddie and do the same thing?” 

“No,” Steve said, though he did so through a blush that did nothing to defend him from the accusation. “I know because girls always flirt with me.” 

“Oh shut up.” 

“They do!” Steve finally let go of Robin’s wrists so he could push a frustrated hand through his hair— already floppy from his shower and lack of product. “They do and I know Chrissy is doing it to you.”

“Prove it.”

Steve grinned and began listing off his points on his fingers. “She always laughs at your jokes. She twirls her hair whenever she talks to you. She asked you to explain that fucking French movie you forced us to watch the other week and she listened.”

Robin whacked him again. “You told me you liked that film!”

“I fell asleep! Of course I liked it.” Steve huffed. “Do you need me to keep going about Chrissy?”

“Maybe not,” Robin muttered. Then she squarked as Steve scrambled over her and out of their blanket fort to where the phone was hooked into the wall. “What are you doing?” 

Steve just grinned as he quickly clicked some numbers on the keypad. 

Robin watched in confusion from her spot on the floor.

“Hello, this is Steven Harrington. I was wondering if I could speak to Chrissy?” He waggled his eyebrows at her. “Thank you, Ma’am.” 

Robin’s face turned white in a second. She scrambled to her feet, losing them under herself a couple of times, but she couldn’t reach Steve to slam the phone down for him before he started speaking again. 

“Hi Chrissy, I have Robin here.” He thrust the phone at her chest, not giving Chrissy time to answer and mouthed, ask her. 

Robin glared, hoping that Steve would let it go. But he was as stubborn as she was and Chrissy’s confused call of Robin meant she wouldn’t be able to hold out longer than him this time. She would get her revenge, he was sure of it.

“Chrissy. Hi. How’s things?” Robin stumbled when she finally put the phone up to her ear. She didn’t stop glaring at Steve though. 

Steve only smiled in triumph.

“Yeah, I’m good. It’s good. Yeah.” 

Steve jabbed Robin in the side to stop her from talking herself in circles. He gestured with his hands for her to get on with it. 

“So, my reason for calling, and just, you know, stop me if this is at all weird and you don’t wanna hear it or if i’ve got the wrong idea. it’s Steve’s fault really--” He jabbed her again and pouted when she managed to land a meaty smack against his ribs. But it did get her to blurt out, “Do you wanna go to Benny’s with me? On Friday? As, like, a date?” 

Steve pumped his fist in the air. It may not have been the way he would have asked a girl out, but Robin had done it!

“Awesome. Yeah. Great. I’ll see you Friday then. I’ll pick you up. No, I won’t I can’t drive. Steve will drive us. But I’ll see you Friday? Yeah. Cool. Awesome. Bye Chrissy.” 

Robin handed him the phone in a daze, eyes following his hand as he hooked it back on the wall. 

“What the fuck?” She breathed. 

“I think you just got yourself a date with a hot girl, Robin.” 

[fiamat12]

Ring Anon here to try to answer this question:

“Do we think it's a promise ring or engagement ring? And who bought it: Nic or Luke?”

The short answer is, I don’t think we have enough info to know this for sure but I am going to take a guess:

First of all, I think there is a small chance that it doesn’t represent a traditional romantic relationship. I think it could possibly be a momento to represent their unique friendship/relationship as well as Nic’s experience and accomplishment filming season 3, which Luke is an integral part of. In this case I think she would have bought it herself to commemorate the experience and her success. Nic is nostalgic and enjoys symbolism and likes to have physical reminders of important experiences and people in her life (photos, for example.) The Claddagh ring represents “Love, loyalty and friendship” and it I think it does represent all of those things between the two of them, but we don’t know for sure what type of love that is. I don’t think it’s familial (the have NEVER referred to themselves as having a bro/sis type of relationship), and it’s hard to say its platonic because I think there are clear signs of romantic and sexual attraction in their body language, but I don’t know if they define it as romantic or have made the choice to move forward with an irl relationship outside of their professional romance and personal friendship. If they haven’t decided to move forward in that way, I think it’s for one of these reasons:

A) They’ve decided not to pursue a personal romantic relationship while they are working together/playing opposite each other

B) They don’t feel that they are compatible outside of the context of Bton/set/work

C) One or both of them, most likely Nic, doesn’t want to have a traditional dating relationship because she doesn’t trust it due to past experiences, or she has a different paradigm on romantic relationships. She has said herself she is cynical about love and also she seems to prioritize all of her friendships and relationships as opposed to centering her life around one romantic partner. If this is the case it could create a conflict with L’s approach to relationships as he seems to be someone who likes being in a monogamous partnership.

Okay, with that disclaimer out of the way, I think there are signs that they could presently be moving forward in a romantic partnership, and the presence of the ring, the timing of when it was ordered and when she got it, how/when she wears it, and it’s orientation is one of the biggest ones. The Claddagh ring IS a relationship ring. That’s its whole purpose. Claddagh rings are also an old school way to broadcast your availability/relationship status, even before the advent of social media. She’s wearing it in the “in a relationship/not available” position, and she has been since she got it in Galway. She wears it out publicly, it’s front and center on that new Polaroid, she wore it in the festival pics with JD, and she wears it straight out of the shower when she’s doing her skincare. It’s the first thing back on after a photo shoot. She wears it like it has personal significance to her, like one would wear a wedding or engagement ring. She wears it in sponsored posts and makes sure we see it. She knows the fandom speculates about it and STILL makes sure we see it. In my opinion the ring, and who/what it represents, is very significant to her and close to her heart.

I’ve seen the speculation that the rings on the hands are like L’s, and I think that’s very interesting. He doesn’t wear those rings consistently anymore, but if they are supposed to be his hands and he’s LITERALLY HOLDING HER HEART I’m melting into a puddle on the spot.

If I had to guess, I don’t think they were engaged when she got the ring. I think Nic needed more time to feel ready for that step, and I think Luke needed some time to handle business/wrap up loose ends. I feel like it would be weird for them to be engaged but separated much of the summer and him off with A on vacation, etc. I also feel like if they were engaged she would be wearing it on her left ring finger, unless they are secretly engaged and want to keep it under wraps. But it is an engagement ring, according to how it was marketed. And the nature of the type of ring it is offers some fluidity in that it can change what it represents as the relationship grows and changes, which I think is actually very beautiful and appropriate for a friends-to-lovers story. And I think if they are in a romantic relationship, I do think it is serious and headed towards engagement if not already there. I think they mean too much to each other to date causally or risk their friendship for anything but endgame.

So, I think it could be a promise ring, and a symbol that they are going to explore and pursue the feelings between them. If it is, he may have bought it for her. He does have a history of being a gift-giver of nostalgic/symbolic gifts (camera). The timing of him meeting her family at the same time she got it is also interesting (was someone asked for permission/blessings?)

The “waiting for you” lyrics and the fact that she kept flashing it on SM when he was going through what may have been a disentangling this summer I think might have been some reassurance for him that she is waiting for him and not going anywhere. I feel like they may have taken a break before after filming season 3 and it went wrong: maybe she got spooked and ran away or something like that, leading to him to go off the rails/HBS/date A. And then maybe they talked it out and made a plan while on tour, but he’s nervous that she’s going to do that again. So maybe he put a ring on it to show he’s serious and she’s sending him (and us) little messages that she’s still on board by wearing it and showing it off.

Okay, a couple more things… in the comments or my last anon post there was a link to a post speculating that N may have bought L the bracelet he mentioned in the interview that said something about friendship being the best foundation for love. I think that would be very interesting because it would be a bold statement from her suggesting that their friendship had turned into irl love, or that she was open to trying again, earlier on in the tour than most of our timelines suggest. It’s possible it was from a fan because I think that line was in the trailer, right? But it would be a very thoughtful and personal and generous gift if it was from a fan. And if it was from her, and she gave him personal jewelry that represented love and friendship, I think it could make sense that he reciprocated with a ring that holds a similar meaning. A very significant, gorgeous, expensive, but no-pressure-we’ll-go-there-when-you’re-ready ring.

Thank you for your thoughts! I appreciate you looking at all sides - because we truly never know ;-) I do, however, think that the couple - yes, I said it, the *couple* - are speaking rather loudly at this point. Imo, Nic has left us w/ little doubt in her recent posts and Luke, in his Spain post (he tried! Lol) that they are together 👫

Quite simply, and w/out rehashing their entire timeline, their relationship was not a thunderbolt from sky (to take a line from Colin). Once S3 filming started, I believe art imitated life; if you want to take a hint from Luke, maybe even as far back as the pic to which he took "the great unliking"... S2 pic of June 2021.

But this is about THE RING, and I do believe it signifies something serious between them. There are the Italy engagement truthers I can get on board with (or at least consider) because I do believe they're deeply in love and realized it as soon as they reunited for the WT. I also think that they've hidden it for privacy (not unlike most celebs) & to protect their reputations (also not unlike most celebs. I've discussed the HBS/ homewrecker issues in other posts)

As for A, I think that was done long ago (Feb/March) and was never serious to begin with... and that the only disentangling that Nic was waiting for was on a public perception level; Luke needed to clear things up image wise to where he & Nic could launch on a positive note. I think Nic was telling us that, like Charli XCX and her fiancé (drummer of Luke's fave band), they've been secretly together for a minute...

I can't wait to see if that ring goes on another finger soon, or if it will be announced that it already signifies a certain commitment? Since again, I believe what has been portrayed publicly is very different than what's being going on bts.

Only time will tell, but I'm confident good things are ahead for Lukola fans! 🙏

[hazbinhotelxreader]

Hello, could you do an Emily X cat!reader? Romantic, sfw? Please?

Also I love your stuff, it is so good! I will eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

A/n: thanks! Air is on my plate rn🍽️. So I’m suspecting the readers sorta anamorphic? That’s probably the case. I did headcannons since I don’t have an idea for a oneshot!

-Romantic

-SFW

Emily x GN cat reader!

-The first time you too met was when you first arrived to Heaven. Since it’s Emily’s job to keep everyone happy in Heaven, she greets every person who comes through the gates of heaven.

-When she saw you, she was overjoyed by your cuteness. She wanted to pet and touch your soft fur so bad, but had to hold herself back to not be rude. So she stuck to complimenting you, which you appreciated.

-You couldn’t help but admire how she’s always able to stay positive and happy, it’s a struggle in humans. She was also adorable in your case too, you were a but insecure at first by your new appearance, being a cat anamorphic now, it was strange. But Emily helped you grow comfortable in your new skin.

-Now, she started to check in with you much more often than she regularly does with other ‘winners’, so you two got to know each other along the way, and later start crushing on each other like a highschool romance movie.

-She’s definitely going to be physically affectionate with you once your close friends. Expect many unexpected hugs. She loves the feeling of your soft fur, so she’ll hug you as often as she can. You don’t mind, most of the time at least.

-I’d say you two would date in private at first, since she is a high member seraphim and is expected to act a certain way. Her job is to make other feel joy, not be in a relationship all the time.

-You let her do her job in the day time, and act like your friends only around others. But when you get to her room, instant cuddles. Or more like you literally climb on top of her and snuggle into her like an actual cat does.

-Even if her job is too just keep everyone happy in heaven, it’s stressful. Imagine having to keep millions or more of people happy around hell, it’s difficult. So she always loves to snuggle with you in bed, your fur is so warm and your purring always calms her down.

-Speaking of purring, she loves making you pur! Her job is to literally make others happy, and hearing you pur is proof she’s doing well.

-Since your a cat, you love pets, you can’t deny it. So she’ll definitely be petting you behind the ears, under your chin or on your back.

-She knows which spots she shouldn’t touch too. Like your tail, or your underbelly. She learned the hard way, unfortunately. Once time she was petting you and she just wanted to touch your tail, so so bad. So she grabbed it which sorta spooked you, and you scratched her out of defense. You were apologizing like crazy to her that day, and she just said it’s fine.

-Definitely has a couch near the window for you. You probably like sunlight and warmth, so she makes sure to put the couch right under the window that lets in the most sunlight.

-She’d find it hilarious if you like playing with cat toys or pet like objects. If you do, she’ll be throwing a yarn ball across the house for at least an hour.

-And if you like yarn, you like lasers. On nights when she’s bored and can’t fall asleep, she’ll take out the laser pointer, and then she’s got free entertainment with you trying to catch that red dot.

-Overall she’s pretty much a perfect girl for a cat like you, trust me she’ll adore you like your god himself

[nearest-dearest]

The String (Wally x reader)

After reading a story to Julie, the rainbow monster is dead set on finding her soulmate and you tagged along without much of a choice in that matter.

🍎🎀🍎🎀🍎🎀🍎🎀

“Awe! How romantic!” Julie swoons after you just finished reading to her. More specifically the part about how the two main characters found each other through the red string of fate. Where soulmates are connected by a red string tied to their finger. The red string is strong too, it may twist, tangle but it will never break. And all this info came from the new romance book you ordered last week and wanted to share it with Julie.

Julie suddenly gasps “Do you think I could find my soulmate through the red string?”

You couldn’t help but let out a little laugh “I’m sure you can Julie, but only if you can see the red string though.”

“Fear not dear neighbor! For I have a plan!”

And that’s how you ended up outside Julie’s house. A red string tied to your own finger while Julie does the same to herself.

“Julie, I’m not sure this will help us find our soulmates.” You voiced your concerns before she can enact her plan of throwing her red ball of yarn to any “lucky” passerby that could catch it.

“This is just a theory! Don’t worry (Y/n) dear. Who knows, maybe your string could land on Wally!”

The last sentence had you sputtering your words. “What?! Why would you say that? You’re making it sound like I like him! I mean, I like everyone in the neighborhood, including Wally. But it’s not like I like, like him!” You said all of that so fast that you ended up taking a deep breath after you’re done.

Meanwhile, that knowing smirk on Julie’s face never left, but okay, she’ll play your game “Sure (Y/n), I’ll drop it, but it could happen.

Should’ve known it wouldn’t be easy for her to fully drop it. Now you’re wondering what could’ve happened if you hadn’t blushed or stared during Wally’s little singing two weeks ago. Ever since Julie found out, she hasn’t stopped alluding to it when the two of you are alone. And when the others are there, she carries on as if she knew nothing. At least she’s great at keeping a secret. But you couldn’t really find a fault within you to like Wally. The painter is already attractive, he’s also talented and charming and you always find an aura of calm and serenity whenever you’re with him.

And as your silly little crush grew, so did how Wally make you feel. One moment you feel serenity and the next feeling is confusion. You don’t know if this is love or just infatuation. Is it because he’s so. . .

Mysterious?

You know Wally like any other friend you had, but there’s something about Wally that makes you want to know more. But will he ever allow it? Does he even like you the way you like him?

“Awe, (Y/n) Vandermeer. Of course, Wally likes you!” Julie suddenly says.

You paused. . .

“Wait! Was I saying all of that out loud?!”

“Unfortunately, yes. So, you do like Wally!”

“I—” You sigh out your defeat. There’s no denying it anymore.

“Nothing to be ashamed of neighbor! After this experiment, you’re sure to know whether Wally likes you or not!”

“Again, Julie, I don’t think this is how it works.”

“You never know until you try! Now let’s look for our soulmates!” Julie is the first to throw her yarn, and it landed on. . .

A rock!

Julie skipped her way to the rock until she was close enough to pick it up. Lovingly staring at the rock like it’s made of gold “Who knew you were so close the entire time!”

You shook your head at the display, but the smile on your face suggests a playful expression and tone.

“Now it’s your turn (Y/n)! Go find your soulmate!” Julies calls back to you.

You stared at the ball of yarn in your hand. The hesitancy kept you from throwing it. Although, it may land on a rock as well, and you and Julie can have a laugh about it. Everyone in the neighborhood is inside their houses or backyard. It seems like a safe and shame free action. With a deep breath, you got ready to throw it as far as you can. In the count of 3. . . 2. . . 1. Off goes the yarn in the air. Landing on. . . It landed on nothing, it just kept going and rolling away.

“Uh, I’ll be back Julie!” And with that, you began chasing the ball as it unravels. This is one good bunch of yarn; it’d be a waste to just leave it all behind. Let alone just leave it littered— Okay! How long is this yarn?! It goes on forever! You better catch up soon, the ball is getting smaller too.

Then the yarn stops.

Finally.

And it stopped by. . .

Wally’s feet.

Oh no

You suddenly felt your legs freeze to a halt on the spot. As for Wally, he picked up the ball of yarn to examine it. Then he looked up and met your gaze. Wally smiles.

“Ah! Hello neighbor, is this yours?” Wally offered the ball of yarn.

“Hi Wally! Yes, it is, thanks.” You say in a fast speed, hoping he doesn’t ask about what you were doing.

“No problem! If I may ask, what were you doing?”

Plan failed.

“Uh, nothing much! Just helping Julie with a knitting project, that’s all!” Great plan, just lie like second nature why don’t you?

Wally gave a little laugh “No need to lie (Y/n), you can tell me! I won’t judge.”

Darn, he’s so perceptive it’s endearing!

“Okay then.” You caved in, it’s been a long day and you don’t feel like dodging anymore. “Julie thought she could find her soulmate using the red string of fate, and thought it was also a good idea to help me find my soulmate too.”

“Soulmate?” Wally wonders.

“Yeah, now if you’ll excuse me I gotta go now.” You started taking your leave, at least you tried to. Because the sudden feeling of Wally’s hand holding yours had freezing like ice.

“Wait! Can I just do something first?” Wally asks.

“Uh sure?” Still feeling a little flustered that Wally held your hand, you ended up mindlessly agreeing to his request. You couldn’t even see what he was doing because you were too busy looking down to cool down the heat on your cheeks.

“Done!” Wally announced.

“Wait, really? That was. . . Fast.”

If you weren’t red already, then you sure look like one big giant apple. Wally had tied the other end of the yarn. On his pinky finger.

“And to make it easier for us.” Wally then snapped the extra thread with the blade he uses to sharpen his pencil.

“Don’t take the string off your finger. Okay Neighbor?”

Were Wally’s last words before walking away to Home.

Leaving you flustered and quiet from where you stand.

And giving a Julie in hiding pride over the outcome “All according to plan.”

All according to plan indeed Julie.

All According to plan.

[golfishwiththebigeyes]

long disjointed farcille thoughts

I’m so farcille-pilled and I have thoughts, mainly one thought and that is that the events of dungeon meshi have made Marcille a much more fitting partner for Falin. As much as I adore them pre-canon, I think they would not have been good together as they were before. We see in the early story Marcille is, for lack of a better term, kind of a control freak. That’s just her nature, and it makes a lot of sense given her backstory, she’s had to grapple with something out of her control from a very young age-her loved ones dying- so of course she’d be very protective over what she does have control over. This would be fine on it’s own, but Falin, especially before the events of the story, is sooo non confrontational, she’s so gentle and tries not to rock the boat, which also makes a lot of sense given her backstory! But as we see even in bonus materials, Marcille has a pretty solid trap of what she likes and what she wants, and she doesn’t usually take well to that being challenged. Falin is the opposite in every facet. While this makes them great friends, I feel like it just wouldn’t lend itself well to a romantic relationship, especially when you also factor in the fact that romance is another thing Marcille is very set in her ways about. And then Falin gets eaten. 

And boom, suddenly Marcille cannot be in her comfort zone anymore, she has to eat gross things, branch out in her magic and teaching to try her best to fill Falin’s place, and, most damning of all, ultimately give up a power that would let her enforce what she thinks is best with no issue. Marcille’s arc, or one of her big ones, is about coming to terms with things being out of her control and learning to just appreciate being alive, worrying more about making the most of what’s left instead of desperately chasing what could be. 

And while the crux of this post was why the events of the story make Marcille a much better partner for Falin than she would have been otherwise, Falin’s character and development (which, by the way, Ryoko Kui you genius how could you so brilliantly give an entire arc to a character who is comparatively not very present in the story, augh Falin’s haunting of the narrative is so good and Falin herself is written so beautifully) by the end of the story are very good for the possible future Farcille. As more and more information has come out, like Falin’s post-canon talk with Toshiro, we see that Falin’s second resurrection has given her a new kind of confidence and security about herself and her place in the world. In everything from her eyes being open to the clothes that she chooses to her body language, in all the post-canon material we can see so clearly that she is so much happier and genuine with herself, mask off, and that in and of itself is so wonderful. And that, by extension, allows her to be a much more open partner and in a much better space to be in a long term relationship.

The events of the story, a story which stresses the validity of desire and potential, have allowed these two women who adore each other to fulfill their true potential both apart and together, and that’s wonderful to me.

[fumifooms]

You're always so on point with your posts. On that note, it made me realize that; Considering the themes of desires in DunMeshi. It's also to say that what you think you want isn't what you actually want.

Like, Marcille thinks she wants the handsome prince from the novels she reads... But what she actually wants is someone maybe more like her father who she admired so much. Kind, virtuous, caring to a fault, a family man. Things she later finds in Chilchuck.

Because as traumatizing as it was to see her mother's spiral after her father's death; Her memories of her father itself are some of the most important to her. And it fits with her pursuit to increase her loved ones' lives, because she does want what her mother and father had.

Sipping. I do go over ‘what you think you want vs what you actually want + what you need’ in my (upcoming) Marcille & Chil arc analysis ;) It’s a part of Dunmeshi that I really like and is super fascinating, I’d honestly like to make an analysis-post on the topic: all the different threads and characters in canon that reflect that, desires vs wants and themes of idealization in Dunmeshi, but it’s one of those things that’s just so huge to make. See this is the freaking problem with doing Dunmeshi meta you start talking about the themes or a narrative and everything is so interwoven you get distracted with tangents BUT IT’S ALL COMPELLING AND RELEVANT

I know that’s something laimar does a lot too, the dad thing, with Marcille in a post-canon comic knitting beside him paralleling her parents and whatnot. I don’t know if I fully agree on the angle but there’s definitely stuff to dig at there…

Like I know that I’d like to analyze Marcille’s succubus more, it comes up in my analysis draft but it’s not the point I’m trying to make there so I focus on other stuff but… I always saw the focus of Marcille’s succubus as that she sought out an emotional connection most of all, it’s romantic and courtly in nature but more importantly there’s personality and behavior there and it’s a character she already loves and knows deeply from having read the series, so it’s not like Chil where it’s just a pretty face whose identity doesn’t matter. A friend of mine though, @room-surprise, goes with the angle that it shows she isn’t ready for a relationship and that the appeal is very self-centered, and I def think compelling points are made…

Point I was trying to make, the succubus is definitely at the crux of figuring what it is Marcille wants and craves in someone I’d say, where she’s emotionally at wether consciously or subconsciously, or how she sees herself being involved in romance at least… It’s true Marcille is enthusiastic about romance, but always someone else’s, never hers, and she seems unwilling to examine her own relationships with people. She oversteps boundaries either obliviously or carelessly and doesn’t like change…

And then there’s how complex people’s relationship to fiction can be on top of that and graaaaah

Edit in bc I forgot I wanted to mention this like an idiot: OH and I do think the Daltian Clan serves a role in the general tapestry of Dunmeshi as well, sometimes in in depth ways that Room-Surprise will tackle in their research paper way better than me I’m sure. My understanding of the importance of general Hagreus in a more general narrative sense is that he reinforces the theme of idealization/fantasy vs reality that’s super present through the manga. Beyond just Marcille’s arc and his importance to her he’s designed uncannily close to Mithrun, it parallels real elves and their very flawed military system and the broken people it cultivates vs the romanticized elves put on an aesthetic pedestral in novels, especially considering it’s "general" Hareus

To give some previews of the analysis wip: Thus the succubus targets Marcille’s wish for a perfect knight who could cherish her forevermore, someone safe and known and fantastical, just hers in a way, free to see and construct however she wants because he’s a character to interpret Dungeon Meshi is in part about resisting desires, the irrational cravings, mostly through the character of the demon. I mentioned needs earlier, and to ideals vs wants we also add vs needs, both emotional and physical. And needs alongside wants are what Dungeon Meshi wishes to promote for a healthier person. Dungeon Meshi illustrates very well with the dungeon lords that you can be a slave to your desires. Dunmeshi prones the important of balance for both a healthy body and a healthy mind, and the arc of optimism vs pessimism with Marcille & Chilchuck is one such case <3

Ouuuugh how flawed relationships with flawed people can still be made into somehing good and healthy that make the world brighter…

We’ve gone far from the topic of how her family shaped what she seeks in relationships haha, I think you put it well already though I don’t have much to add on that front Edit in 2: SIKE! I’ll add that there’s an interesting thread in the manga of Marcille maturing and becoming more like her mother, which would be interesting and fun to pair with the fatherhood of Chil. Because Marcille is sometimes a mother figure as well: she’s the mom friend. I go over it here, and since when I made that post I’ve seen more interesting analysis on the topic too, like noticing she hides behind her mother’s portrait in the nightmare chapter, perhaps the inspiration behind her more mature reserved academic persona she sometimes has. Her parents are def important to her so it’s interesting to see how all the dynamics and her own psychology fit into that….

But yeah I think what she (thinks she) wants out of romance has a lot of layers, both conscious and subconscious… I haven’t gone into the bigger picture of how fiction affects her relationships here but it’s the central topic of my Marcille & Chil arc analysis so. She idealizes the trope of the prince charming and finds it attractive but is that what she would actually latch onto… Is it fully superficial, is it more about herself than it is about her potential partner... Is it mainly because she wants to get validation, from being special that she typically gets from high academic performance… We do see she can be rather insecure and worried about others’ perspective of her, that they think she’s not useful or capable enough, especially in the mandrake chapter… Unconditional love perhaps

What is your emotional landscape Marcille. How emotionally intelligent are you. I don’t think she knows what she wants romantically. I think she has a job so she don’t really care about that rn I’m just not sure if we can figure out what she ~actually~ wants on her behalf that might be too many levels of interpretation but idk idk, thinking on it still

[cloudmancy]

delloso de la rue is such an interesting character to me but I don’t think it’s for any of the reasons that the rest of the fandom likes rue for. oscar played them in such a metatextual way and it’s like, does he know? does he know how complicated and selfish and thoroughly flawed character he ended up creating? ruehob is so... fascinating to me and it’s not because I like the romance of it. there’s just such a twisted rotting core to it when you compare it to chirp & her wife, or even binx & andhera (and it’s FANTASTIC. I wish people didn’t shy away from how truly miserable ruehob is because that’s what I’m into)

it's like. you are delloso de la rue. you are an owlbear, under a spell of glamour. you have chosen to serve the court of wonder and at heart, you are a romantic. this year, you are planning what they say will be the very last bloom, and you are drowning in the narrative perfection of it. 

you do not like the court of wonder. you do not like the duty you hold. you do not like that you are in this pretty, lithe form you have chosen for yourself. but here are things you do like: love, romance, and EXCITEMENT. you meet two lords of the wing and you want to bear witness to love matches so badly that you make a wager for it. you want this to be the last, best bloom. you want this so ardently and selfishly that you are willing to fall for the first person you see who will fit this narrative (star crossed monsters in courts that don't accept them, what could be more perfect?) while ignoring everything you already have - because it's not enough for you. 

you say want love but you HAVE love. you say you want acceptance - but you could have that, too. you don't want love, you want the CONCEPT of love - the kind that people read storybooks about, that little owlbears dream of at night. you want romance. you want to be swept off your feet. you don't want acceptance, because acceptance and love is duty and you are beginning to hate the concept of duty. acceptance is (as hard as a knight pledging themselves to a different court for the sake of someone they love) as easy as realizing that of all the forms that the fae can take an owlbear is nowhere NEAR the most monstrous. the queen of air and darkness isn't even corporeal, half the courtiers of hoof and claw are feral beasts - but that realization is not grand enough for you.

you meet hob and you hold his paws in yours and you tell him (with tears in your eyes, so they sparkle better in the moonlight) that you feel - not alone - for the first time in your life (because it's something someone in a sweeping romance would say) and you (forget wuvvy, who followed you from her own court and accepted everything of who you were and repackaged herself smaller, neater, tidier like you, because that's what you wanted in the court of wonder) tell him that no one will ever use him again (while you use him to satisfy that hungry selfish hole in yourself that demands not LOVE but ROMANCE) because you love (what he represents, could represent for the grand romance of the sweeping fairytale you imagine your life could be if only someone loved you) him.

[spaceorphan18]

The Lady Whistledown Papers: 1x05 The Duke and I

Welcome back, Gentle Readers, to The Lady Whistledown Papers, where I’m taking an in-depth look at Penelope Featherington and Colin Bridgerton’s character arcs and romance within the show Bridgerton!

For previous issues, follow tag : The Lady Whistledown Papers

It's episode five! Things are getting spicy! ;) While there's not a ton in this episode, there are some BIG developments...

Tomatoes

Alright, so I should mention before we get too into this scene, that it kicks off with mentioning the money issues the Featheringtons are about to have. It's part of the reason Portia is gonna push Marina marrying Colin so hard. Having a wealthy Bridgerton in her pocket kills two birds with one stone.

Alright, so this is day who knows how long of this courtship has been going on, and after the events of last episode, Penelope is no longer thinking this whole thing is cute or tolerable anymore. It's a combination of -- she's fucking with the man I love and the man I love is being fucked with, which are two different things. Yes, she is protective of her feelings and has no desire to watch Colin be with someone else. But she's also very protective of Colin in general - because they do have a relationship. It may not be romantic, but there are mutual feelings of friendship, and she sincerely does not like that Marina is manipulating him.

But of course - the look on her face here is pure jealousy. Because Colin is bringing flowers to Marina every day. And Marina doesn't really care all that much, but oh, how Penelope would love to be courted, love to be romanced, love to have the attention of any one showering her gifts and compliments. But the fact that it's not just some guy that she could live vicariously through Marina with, it's Colin, which makes it intolerable.

Meanwhile, oh Colin, lost in his own fantasies. He loves playing this role of romantic hero. He brings in flowers every time for Marina -- because it's a way to show he cares about her. It's also, probably, proper gentlemanly contact to bring gifts during a courtship. But it's also interesting -- that the whole reason this tomato discourse kicks off is that he wants to surprise her, be unpredictable, make himself stand out when it comes to the courtship.

Also, I'm really entertained by the thought that a bushel of tomatoes would be used as a courtship device. Nothing says romance quite like the tomato. (As much as I'm being cheeky about it, I do love a bit of spontaneity and absurdity in a relationship, so I do approve of Colin's ridiculousness here.)

I LOVE the tomato discourse. I love it.

I love that Penelope can't even help herself by injecting her comments. She is gonna meddle, but it's going to be on a simpler level to start with. Just a throwaway comment that really doesn't raise eyebrows (at first) that Marina doesn't like tomatoes. Which undermines the act that Marina is throwing at Colin (and Pen so notes this -- and, honestly, she's probably a bit amused that Colin picked something that Marina probably does actively hate).

Then, of course, after Marina kind of brushes that comment off, Pen digs in a little more -- suggesting the best place to go get tomatoes is... Greece. (My god, this cracks me up every time -- is Greece known for it's tomatoes??) And I love that she says this with a smile, playing it off as if she were just trying to be helpful. Then she suggests Colin bring her back a bunch (because I'm sure they'd survive the trip) after he gets back from Greece. Oohh, Pen, it's a longshot stall tactic, but if she can just put this courtship on delay...

It's fascinating watching Marina in this moment. She KNOWS that Penelope is up to meddling. She knows that she's intentionally trying to stop things from progressing forward, but the interesting thing is that she doesn't know why Pen is doing it. I mean, I kind of think it's obvious, but Marina, at this point, has begun to trust Penelope as a friend -- so it just comes off as her being super weird.

Colin, meanwhile, is a bit baffled by Penelope. He doesn't really catch on that she's meddling -- thinks, more so, that she's being a little obtuse, and that is not catching on that he'd rather see how things work out with Marina. But...

There are a couple of interesting dynamics going on in this last little bit.

First of all, the comfort in which Pen and Colin speak to each other says a lot. There's no formality between them. They speak with each other at ease, in the way siblings would talk with each other. Colin, no doubt, probably does think of Pen a bit like Eloise in this moment. He even calls her Pen, here, which is kind of unusual when you think about it, because they're at her house and not his. And the way he kind of dismissively states he's unsure of his travel plans -- it's said, almost irritatingly, in the way you'd want to tell your younger sibling to bugger off, I'm trying to hook up with this girl...

When Pen brings up his travel plans, she mentions that he's always been interested in travel. And while this is a calculated thought - a way to re-inspire desires that he has probably for sure talked about at great length when she's been over to visit Eloise -- I think there's some sincerity here, too. I think she can recognize a desire to go out and see the world, and the idea of him closing the door on that opportunity -- especially for Marina, who is manipulating a relationship with him, and will saddle him with fatherhood at such a young age really does get to her.

Which is why it's more complex than -- I have a crush on a boy, if I get him out of the country, he won't hook up with the pregnant lady and be stuck with her.

Colin then has a line that REALLY sticks out to me. :: 'Were I to go, there are things in London I'd miss more than seeing the world.'

This line hits a little harder when you sit down and think about it. I don't doubt that Colin has an adventurous spirit -- more so than either of his older brothers. But I think also, unlike them (well, Benedict is going to go about it another way) Colin is searching for something. He isn't sure what, but travel seems to be an opportunity to find out.

Marina is a purpose. She's a reason to stay. She's a reason to do the things that his heart really desires to do. She's a person to protect. A person to start a family with. A person whom he does want to figure out his sexual desires with. A person who will let him satisfy the role he thinks he's supposed to have in society. And if that person is right there - then why travel in the first place? He doesn't need to search for something that is right there.

The fascinating thing is that it is better for Colin that he does end up going. He kind of needs those experiences to gain new outlooks on life, to clear his head, to be at peace with himself, and to understand what really missing something when he's away is. And, of course, because he'll find that he'll get to fall in love in a deeper way while he's gone (of course - through his correspondence with Penelope).

And, of course, i can't help but go back to thoughts on The Odyssey -- which is one of the myths embedded in Pen and Colin's story -- the story of a world weary soldier just trying to get back home to his wife... Penelope.

Colin thinks he understands what he's saying when he says that line. But he doesn't truly get. And won't ever if he choses a path with Marina - one that is doomed to be a (possibly) unfulfilled life.

It's always so funny to me when TV characters have private conversations literally two feet away from people who shouldn't hear it, lol.

Pen is probably well aware that the childish meddling she's doing isn't really working, so she goes to appeal to her mother. She points out that Colin is young, yes, but she tries to appeal to her mother's sense of logic. She points out that there may not be enough time to get them married since Colin is young and may not be ready for marriage. Portia considers, but does have her own plans...

Ug, poor Pen, the pining does get me. It'll be alright, girl...

A Plan...

If there's one thing you can say about Marina, it's that she knows how to play this game, and how to do it well so that she can get what she needs. Is it manipulation? Yes. Is she doing it out of self preservation? Absolutely.

She completely plays Portia here (Portia, isn't necessarily stupid, either, but is trying to be calculating in her own right). Marina appeals to Portia's sense of status -- and her desire and need to maintain that status. So Marina basically cuts her a deal. Let me go after Colin, and I'll repay you by letting you stay in your good standing with the Ton. And so the two of them forge an alliance.

But, ah, all this talk of seduction and manipulation -- that's breaking Penelope's heart as she hears it. It's bad enough that the guy she loves is interested in someone else. She has always known or felt that she'd lose Colin some day to another woman. But to lose him to people who do not have his best interest at heart? It's devastating.

But still... she does not go first to her best line of defense, Lady Whistledown... that's the last possible card she'll play.

A Wedding

This is, like, the saddest wedding ever. Man, they look miserable.

Colin seems fine about it. He smiles a bit because it's Daphne, and she's getting married. But not a whole lot of insight to pull out here. He's so detached from this plot line, lol.

A Proposal

So, right before we jump into the Pen and Marina stuff, Cressida approaches Daphne and basically says -- I hope some day you'll pay me to keep quit about the shit I saw in the garden. Like, the girl had a blackmailing mindset even here. I mean, obviously Season 3 didn't come out of nowhere, but it is interesting the seeds they did place for things so early on.

Anyway... Penelope's back to her meddling -- this time trying to get Marina interested in ANYONE else. And I mean, Pen's got a good eye. She's watched all of these people, and I trust that she's attempting to set Marina up with a good (enough) match.

After Marina becomes stubborn about Colin, Penelope opens up. While she's not entirely truthful, she is very open and does lay a lot of it on the line. She admits she does care for Colin. She admits that she just cannot stand back and watch him be manipulated into a life that he didn't sign up for. While she is holding back on the extent of her romantic feelings, she is being emotionally vulnerable, in a way to get Marina to empathize with her. I mean, she is being sincere, and cutting a lot of the mind games crap she had been doing. But she's hoping that a more open approach will help change Marina's mind.

Of course - Marina is out to win. She sees no other options, and she does throw some of it back in Penelope's face. She knows that Colin is a sure thing, and that she'll be treated right. She is not going to lose that chance - because the alternative are the Rutledges of the world. And she just can't take that chance.

It's kind of funny that she still doesn't get how invested Penelope is in this, but she is giving Pen her own moment of emotional vulnerability. She is running out of time, and she will do what she can to secure a good future for herself, and however Penelope feels about it, doesn't really matter because it's ultimately not about her. (And, you know, she isn't wrong, even though we may side with Pen on this one.)

We also learn that Rudledge is engaged and off the market (darn) so Portia tells Marina she'd better get working on Colin... there is a time limit after all.

Before we get to Colin though... we have this brief moment between Pen and Eloise. They've had their fight, and now it's awkward. Neither really quite knowing what to say. But it'll be alright... They always find their way back to each other. But no time for that now! Other plotlines to get to! lol

Poor Pen, no where to hide in this brightly lit, very white room. She can't hide from Eloise. And she can't hide from Marina and Colin. It's just a lot... Just a lot to witness, and she can't do anything about it.

Not at the moment anyway...

The reason the earlier episodes showed Pen and Marina getting along well is to establish the respect Pen has for Marina and vice versa. But this is the turning point. Because Pen had tried to be open about her feelings and Marina was just not playing that game.

Oh, there is some anger in Penelope's eyes. You do not fuck with Colin. You just don't. Penelope would help her with any, every other man in all of England. Just not hers. Pen could accept if Marina truly loved Colin, she probably would let him go.

But the 'act' is going into full swing now, and Pen just cannot with it. She just cannot with how Marina is going to completely manipulate the situation. And even though Pen doesn't get to see what we're about to -- she knows what's happening. Unfortunately, poor Colin can't.

So, what is the FIRST thing Marina do? She needs to get them alone, so she pretends she's not feeling well. And I mean, she gets him. She so gets him. His protector/hero complex is activated and he quickly is not only concerned, but gets her out of there.

And oofff, this next scene is almost hard to watch, because every beat of it on Marina's end is calculated. It's masterful really.

Oh, poor Pen, having a moment for herself of sadness.

But I also just thought of something... had Marina chosen anyone else, she could have really helped Marina. The Lady Whistledown of it all could have helped her. Penelope watches everything, she knows things, and she could have helped Marina in snagging any other man at that party. Of course, she was never going to give up her identity, but it's kind of interesting to think of the what ifs...

Oh man, Marina's smug look when they enter the study. She isn't even trying to hide it.

Colin. You are such a dumbass. (Said with all the love, cause I do love his dumb ass.)

It's funny, Colin is such an interesting study because he's got such a duality about him. Social decorum is something he thinks about (and will very much so in this scene), but he also isn't really one to play by the rules.

In this instance, though, it's his youthful inexperience and naivety that is his down fall. Does he want to be alone with Marina? Yes. But does he sense that she's setting this up so they can be alone? Not even in the slightest. He's still in protector mode. Even the scandalous shutting of the door is about her comfort, not about what she's trying to get.

He may be a little slower, but he's not a complete idiot, and when he takes a moment to asses that she's fine, he gets it. And the wheels start turning. And yeah, he does want to hook up with her. His little grin at his fortune says that.

Marina, however, just has zero time for the drawn out romance Colin has playing in his head. She is direct and gets right to the point. And I love that there's a little moment of freak out that crosses his face. Sure, he wants to hook up -- but he clearly never has before, because the minute she moves forward he does have a sheer moment of panic before he regains himself. He wants her. But he has no idea what he's doing.

And then we get this. This almost kiss. And there's just... a lot to this little moment. A lot.

Because I think it speaks to Colin's fantastical idea of what romance is vs the reality of it when it's staring him in his face.

I do think, yes, base line, he wants to kiss her -- among other things. And I do kind of wonder if he even has kissed anyone at this point, because he's kind of acting as if he's in this place where it just feels... not right. And, not even coming from the societal pressure (which I'll get to in a second) but from a place where -- he has all of these romantic little fantasy of what this moment should be like, and having a rushed moment in the study the way Anthony probably would do it, is not really Colin. Or.. this youthful version of Colin who doesn't have the experience.

I have to wonder if this younger Colin has all these fantasies about kissing his wife for the first time at their wedding and the magical moments he know does happen afterwards. And I think that's why I do think it's a good thing all of this happens because it does end up smashing his idyllic version of romance to allow him to be open to what real romance is -- not the ideas he's made up in his head, but what is really there.

(And I mean, I guess I'll get into it maybe later? I do have headcanons for Colin -- such as his first time with a woman was probably bought and paid for at a brothel. That after this whole Marina thing kind of sours him on love for a while, it pushes him to go out and get some experiences. It allows him to understand the world a bit better - so when he finally does see Penelope, he'll understand it better.)

So he stops the kiss. And Marina, who is savvy as fuck for navigating all of this so quickly, doesn't push him. She's gonna seduce him, but she'll do so on his terms. And appealing to his greater sense of romanticism and honor. Which really works in her favor, ultimately.

Colin can barely believe he's stopping - because he probably is a bit overwhelmed by whatever body reaction is probably happening in that moment. He still considers himself a gentleman who does things in a proper order.

And it's funny, as much as he ends up being a bit of a rule breaker, it's almost not intentionally. He wants to always be doing the right thing. He wants that honor. He wants to be the gentleman. He wants to be seen in good standing by the greater society. So he won't do anything to compromise himself, but more so her. And so he holds back because this is not the proper way. So, yes, I do think some of society's pressure is on display here, too.

Oh, but Marina, girl is so calculated in this scene. She plays on his gentlemanly nature. Plays on his need for honor. And pushes hard on his desire. You almost feel bad for how easily Colin cracks. He is very much a 'my wife' guy. Even here with Marina, that tendency is here on display.

The jump to marriage is bonkers quick. Yes -- it is partially fueled by society's restraints on sexual desires. But it's also a romantic fantasy Colin actually wants. He wants a wife. He wants that life. He's just never found that emotional connection to really fuel him to go for it. But he thinks he has that with Marina. He thinks that she wants that life with him, too. And, of course, now that they've been alone and courting, he thinks it is the proper step to take. So he does.

It's sweetly in earnest. And a bit unsure of a proposal. He doesn't doubt his own feelings, but he doesn't know where Marina stands.

When Marina not only says yes but looks ecstatic about the idea, he just lights up. Romantic achievement fulfilled. That almost kiss did make him unsure of things. But now that marriage is on the table. Now that they can have this nice long engagement and a fancy wedding and this idyllic life of love he's always heard about from his mother, he is so, so excited about it. He thinks he's getting everything he's ever wanted.

And... he thinks he's giving her everything she wants. He talks about her deserving a grand wedding. He is (almost hilariously) breathless when he says it'll be wonderful. (There is really a little ten yo girl living Colin's heart, lol)

Unfortunately, Marina's excitement is not for the same reason as his own. She's thrilled that this whole plan has worked as quickly and as swimmingly as she wanted to. And... she didn't even have to sleep with him to get a proposal. Win-win, really.

Oh, Colin... he feels everything so intensely. It's a shame this is a mix of lust and youthful ignorance fueling romantic fantasies that this proposal comes about. And Marina was hoping for all of that. He promises that he'll give her everything she wants, and he does in this moment. It's a shame that what Colin doesn't realize -- it is just a fantasy, and ultimately, not what he wants.

Oh man, that look Marina gives before she turns around. Diabolical. I don't think of her as a villain. I really don't. I think she's a young woman who is desperate and willing to do what she can to ensure her own safety. But she is playing with his heart, and knows it.

Look how giddy he is, oh Colin... Well, they promise not to say anything -- because seriously, probably not a good thing to announce your engagement at your sister's wedding. But Colin's probably going to be sleeping well tonight.

It's interesting -- thinking about how Penelope is currently a little heartbroken while all of this is going on. But, you know, she's had a long time to have to deal with these problems, with the emotions. She is able to handle a lot of these harder emotions and process them better because they've been going on for so long.

I think when the shit hits the fan with Marina, it's going to hurt so much worse in some ways. It's like the opposite of the she fell first, he fell harder trope. He's never had to experience heartbreak on this level before, and it'll feel devastating. It's no wonder he spends all of season 2 spiraling. Huh.

Anyway, on that happy note, we get to move onto episode 6! Which is my favorite Polin episode for Season 1 :)

[As an aside, this episode ends with Daphne and Simon's first time, which -- has a lot of similarities, beats, and dialogue as the Polin mirror scene. But the atmosphere, tone, and even acting are a lot different. Idk - I find it really fascinating. If anyone else does, let me know, and I can do a side by side analysis of it, cause there are some interesting things to dissect there.]

[zegrasdrysdale]

Hi! I wanted to send in a request for Jamie! So Jamie and the reader, have been on and off again and hooking up for years, the reader falling in love with him over that time. after their latest hookup the reader realizes she wants more than him, and when she refuses to get back with him he admits how much he loves her. Maybe the prompt “I can’t do this anymore… not with you” I’m in the mood to read something angsty lol

[ protect the heart ] j. drysdale

paring : Jamie Drysdale x fem!reader

summary : after (Y/N) breaks the friends with benefits deal she has with Jamie by falling in love with him. she decides that she can’t keep hooking up with him. she thinks thatJamie will never love her back and she can’t keep hurting herself anymore

warning(s) : angst and feelings ! sad Jamie (i'm sorry), mentions of sex but no actual smut

author’s note : good thing i’ve been in the mood to write something angsty. i took this and ran with it tbh so enjoy :)

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She was never the girl who wanted to be in any kind of romantic relationship like all of her friends. No feelings and no strings attached seemed like the easiest thing way to go. She watched all of her friends get their hearts broken by someone and she didn’t want to go through that same heartbreak.

Until she met Jamie Drysdale. It wasnt until she met the brown hair, blue eyed defenseman for the Ducks through mutual friends when she realized that maybe she was ready to give her heart to someone.

One night out after a hockey game and suddenly she finds herself in bed with a professional hockey player. Over and over … and over again until they finally made a deal.

No feelings. No strings attached. Friends with benefits only because she didn’t want romance and he had too crazy of a schedule to hold a steady relationship. They both get something out of the deal - crazy good sex whenever they wanted.

It’s the perfect deal. It was the perfect deal until (Y/N) broke the one rule they made when they started. They were to never gain feelings for the other. She more than gained feelings for him.

She fell in love with him over the two years since their deal started.

It was slow. She realized her heart rate would quicken every time he looked at her or touched her. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach when he kissed her. Even her orgasms got more intense as she began to fall in love with Jamie.

Now, as she looks up at a sleepy Jamie in his bed, she realizes that she wants more.

She wants the romance that she loathed when she met him. She wants to go out on dates and get showered with kisses whenever they see each other. She wants to wear his jersey to his games without it being a dare from friends. She wants to fall asleep in his arms and wake up beside him in the morning without the awkwardness that follows when they’ve realized that they slept in the same bed.

(Y/N) fell in love with him, and that’s what she came to his apartment to tell him so either he could break the deal or they could begin a new relationship. That was before he kissed her as soon as she crossed the threshold into his apartment and she gave in to him like she always does.

“Jamie?” she whispers, unsure if he’s asleep. Her heart races in her chest.

“I need a few minutes before we go for round two,” he tells her. His voice is weak.

She smiles at the thought of being trapped under his insanely gorgeous body again for the second time in an hour. Her own body reacts to the thought and she pushes her thighs together.

“I just want to talk for a second before we do anything else,” she replies.

He opens his eyes and looks down at her. She’s curled up against his side. She has to detach herself and sit up so she can have this conversation.

“You didn’t come over here for sex, did you?” Jamie asks. “Because if you didn’t and I forced you into it-“

“Jamie, you know I’m always okay with sex,” she interrupts. “You know this. I’d tell you if I wasn’t. You know that too. I came over to talk but I didn’t mind this. I never mind this.”

He relaxes a bit. (Y/N) didn’t even realize he tensed up until his shoulders drop. “What did you come over to talk about?”

Here goes nothing.

“I think I broke our deal,” she slowly tells him. “Because I came over to tell you that I …” She trails off. She swallows hard before she finishes her sentence. “I love you, Jamie. I’ve been falling in love with you for years. I didn’t know how to tell you because I didn’t want to ruin this because I love this. I just want more than this.”

Jamie seems genuinely surprised to hear those words come from her. He’s speechless, but (Y/N) can see the gears turning in his head.

He’s thinking about what she said. It's terrifying.

She gnaws on her bottom lip as she waits for a reply.

"(Y/N), I don't think I can give you more," Jamie tells her. "We've tried to do the whole relationship thing and it never worked out. You didn't like being in a relationship and I travel all the time because of hockey."

With a small nod and a sigh, she looks down at her hands on her blanket covered lap. "I understand," she mumbles. "Sorry for bringing it up."

She feels her heart break a little in her chest. This was the feeling that she hoped to avoid when she started her friends with benefits deal with Jamie. Then she ruined it by falling in love.

(Y/N) finds herself wishing that she ended the deal when she realized she was falling in love. Instead, she didn't believe that she was falling in love and kept going despite her new feelings.

This is her mistake. She set herself up to get hurt because she let it get so far, and now she has to deal with it.

"I'm sorry I can give you more," Jamie tells her as he sits up. He lightly kisses her shoulder. "I'd be the world's worst boyfriend if I did. I would never be around from September until April, maybe even longer if the team ever made the playoffs. Not to mention what would happen if I were to get hurt again. I don't want to put you through any of that."

She has seen shades of what it would be like to be Jamie's girlfriend and they're not even dating. He's so loyal, he always asks for consent during sex, and he's always checking in on her. Even when he's on the road, he texts or calls her when he knows she's having a bad day. He sends her gifts for her birthday and for Christmas if he's on a roadie.

When Jamie was hurt earlier in the season, he never yelled at her and came to her for help when he needed it. He never got frustrated with her when she was smothering him and hovering over him. He made sure that she was taking care of herself while she was looking after him.

That isn't the world's worst boyfriend. It's far from being the world's worst boyfriend.

Jamie runs his fingers through her hair almost like he's trying to apologize. She suddenly finds herself needing to get out of there and go back to her own apartment. She doesn't want to get emotional in front of him.

"I need to go," (Y/N) blurts out. "I'm sorry." She jumps out of bed and begins to get dressed. "You have an early flight to Dallas in the morning anyway so I'll just get out of your hair."

He tries to reach out to stop her but she moves too quick. "No, stay," Jamie tries to tell her. "We can grab dinner and watch a mo-"

"I can't do this anymore," she interrupts. The words pass her lips before she can even think about what she's saying. "Not with you. I let it go too far and hooking up with you when you can't give me more than just sex is going to hurt me. We can keep being friends but the falling into bed with each other needs to stop. I can't keep hurting myself, Jamie."

A flash of hurt crosses Jamie's face. "Okay."

The decision to end it came quickly. She didn't even think about it before she told him it was over, but she needed to do it. She needs to put her heart back together and protect it. Continuing to sleep with Jamie is only going to keep her from doing that.

"I'm sorry," she whispers as she practically flees the room as soon as she's dressed.

(Y/N) gets as far away from him as she possibly can as quickly as she can. Her cheeks are soaking wet when she does get back to her own apartment.

She leans against the door when it's shut and allows herself to let out a single sob. She allows herself a single moment of weakness before she dries her own tears and makes the decision to move on.

No matter how much it hurts.

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It hurts a lot more than she thought it would. Moving on from Jamie seemed a lot easier than it really is. She's even been ignoring his texts because she thinks it'll help. She's been ignoring texts from Trevor as well. It doesn't help though.

She misses him.

That's probably the reason why she sits in front of her TV two nights later to watch the Ducks play the Dallas Stars. She has her legs tucked under her while she sits under a blanket and drinks a cup of coffee that she made before the game.

She scrolls through her Instagram feed as the game starts, liking a few posts here and there.

Two minutes into the first period, one of the commentators says, "The Ducks are missing young defenseman Jamie Drysdale in the lineup tonight. He was scratched last minute due to illness so he is not on the ice with his usual partner, Cam Fowler."

Her eyes flick up to the screen in front of her from her phone and she sees Jackson LaCombe skating with Cam during what would normally be Jamie's shift.

Jamie isn't on the ice.

Without realizing it, she opens her texts with Jamie and sends a message.

to jamie - 7:13 pm they said you were scratched tonight because you were sick so i wanted to make sure you aren't lying dead somewhere in dallas

The text doesn't get replied to. She guesses that it makes sense since she hasn't been replying to any of his messages. She never really expected a reply since it's been two days since they've spoken to each other and she ran out of his bedroom.

It's five minutes later when a knock rings out through the apartment. She isn't expecting company but she still throws the blankets off her lap and goes to answer the door.

It catches her very off guard when she sees Jamie standing on the other side of the door in his game day suit. That means he was going to play today, but instead he flew back to Anaheim in his suit.

"I'm not lying dead somewhere in Dallas."

"You should be in Dallas," she says in surprise. "Why aren't you on the ice right now?"

"Because after talking to some guys on the team yesterday, I realized that I made a mistake the other day when I let you walk out of my room," he tells her. She raises her eyebrows in confusion. "I talked to Cronin a few hours before the game to tell him that I needed to come back home and he told me that he'd tell the reporters that I was sick. I needed to come talk to you, (Y/N)."

She shakes her head. "You don't have to explain yourself, Jamie," she replies. "I get where you came from and I understand that you can't give me more. It's okay. I'm okay. You need to get back to Dallas so you can play tomorrow in Chicago. I'm not more important than hockey. I'll never be more important than hockey."

"You are more important than hockey," Jamie retorts. "Why do you think I got on the first flight out of Dallas? Why do you think I'm on your doorstep instead of on the ice?"

"Jamie-"

"No, you got to say what you needed to say so now it's my turn," he interrupts her. "And you're going to listen to what I have to say before you say anything else." (Y/N)'s mouth snaps shut. “I’m sorry I can’t give you more but I like the way things were. I wouldn’t be good for you and that’s why I wanted to keep things casual with us."

She blinks at him when he says that. She's surprised he's trying to fight for the deal when she told him that she couldn't do the whole friends with benefits thing anymore.

She wants more than just a few hook ups every few weeks and she doesn't want to keep doing the on and off dance they've done before.

"I can't believe you're trying to fight for this when I told you I couldn't keep sleeping with you," she says when he's done talking. "I refuse to keep hurting myself because you can't give me more. I can't believe you flew from Dallas and missed your game to tell me that. You're unbelievable, Jamie. I'm done with the deal. That's the end of it. We're friends, we're dating, or we're nothing. That's it. No more sleeping together. I think you need to think about that for a little bit."

As the door shuts, Jamie stops it with his foot. "(Y/N), please," he pleads. She stands on the other side of the door where he can't see her. She's fuming. "Please. I'm sorry, but I like the fun we were having. I liked that we were in each others lives all the time. Please."

She closes her eyes and tries not to show any emotion. "Get on a plane back to Dallas, Jamie," she tells him. "You have a game in Chicago tomorrow. I'm not going to let you miss a second game in a row."

"I love you too, okay?" Jamie blurts out. She quickly moves so she's facing him. "I love you and I'm scared that I'm going to ruin what's left of our friendship if I were to give you more than just sex. Clearly I've always ruined something because you didn't talk to me for two days."

(Y/N)'s jaw drops in surprise. He's just full of surprises tonight. "I was trying to move on," she admits to him. "I didn't think ... you love me?"

Jamie nods and looks super vulnerable after admitting his feelings for her. There are tears in his eyes when he looks at her. "I do," he replies. "I just don't think I can't give you want you want. I'd be a shit boyfriend because I'm always away or always at the rink. We also tried the whole relationship thing but it never stuck and I was tired of the back and forth."

"I've been around hockey my entire life, Jamie," she tells him. "I was in the rink every weekend as a child watching my father coach, I went to games all the time back home because all of my friends played. Hell, most of my friends here in Anaheim play, including you, Trevor and Mason. I know that you wouldn't be a shit boyfriend but you won't give it a chance. I didn't love you whenever we tried the relationship thing, but I do now. You love me. It could work. You just won't let it."

"I'm scared it won't stick and I'll have ruined everything for good," he admits.

She reaches up and cups the back of his neck. "I don't think that's possible," she tells him. "You're Jamie. You'll always find a way to stick around."

He shoots her a sad smile before she rises onto her tiptoes and softly presses her lips to his. The kiss is slow and it takes Jamie a little bit before he kisses her back.

Jamie finally touches her when he wraps his arms around her waist and lifts her off the ground. She wraps her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck so she doesn't fall. She smiles into the kiss that follows before she pulls back.

With hope running through her veins, (Y/N) asks, "Can we try again?"

"Promise you won't hold anything against me?" he asks in reply. "That I won't ruin everything if something happens and we break up?"

She runs her fingers through his hair and says, "I'd never hold anything against you. I promise."

He smiles up at her.

Behind her, the announcers say that Trevor scored a goal on a power play and Jamie looks over her shoulder. "He always has to get involved, doesn't he?" Jamie jokes.

"Well, technically he's the one that set us up in the first place so it' seems fitting that he scores a goal right after we tell each other that we love the other," she replies. Jamie looks at her. "Come on. Let's go watch the game. I'm sure that's Trevor's way of telling us to get out butts on the couch to watch the game."

Jamie laughs and lets her down. She grabs her boyfriend's hand and leads him to the couch.

Boyfriend. That's going to take some getting used to.

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MASTERLIST

have a request ? check out the guidelines !

[pinkyyoshi]

𝐒𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮♡︎ (PROLOGUE)

Simon “Ghost” Riley x Reader

18+! ANGST

Syn: Reader grew up as a hopeless romantic, always seeing the brighter side of things and always getting her heart broken. She finds herself falling in love with a man who happens to already be taken and ends up in a fucked up situation.

CW: Self-harm, manipulation, arguing, ANGST ANGST ANGST, profanity, cheating, mommy-issues, drug-use, SA(NOT BY GHOST!)

A/N: hey guys! This is my very first fan fiction and also very first official post on here so I want to apologize for any repetetiveness, grammar, or wordiness in the story, I’ll improve the more I right and I hope I’m being descriptive enough for you guys lol. (Criticism is appreciated!😛)

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You were always such a hopeful girl with big dreams. Head in the clouds, not worried about a thing. You remember always laying down in bed with your mother who would always read you to sleep at night. Going to the library on the weekends and picking out books (always from the romance section). Mom would just smile and chuckle to herself. You never knew that these memories could ever be buried and spat on. Is it your fault for being so naive?

“Mommy?” You called out, peeking around your corner. There sat your mom on the table with a wine glass in her hand. She smiles at you, holding her arm out, calling you towards her.

“What is it sweety?” she says through rosy cheeks.

“When is daddy gonna come back?”

Splash Splash

The sounds of the waves would do. The days couldn’t get any shorter. Work couldn’t get any more tiring. You couldn’t be more alone.

Running sand through the 3 week old nails of your right hand, can of beer in your left. You thought you couldn’t get any more pathetic but here you were sat on the beach not far from the city.

Should I even be here right now?

You should’ve been home some time ago but he called, would he even show up? Sometimes you think mom might have been right…she didn’t need to yell though.

Just as you were about to get up, spinning on your heel, there he was. The reveal was kind of surprising, you think as you cough from all the smoke blown into your face. You can see the smile in his eyes. What the hell?

“S’rry abou’ that. Need a ride?”

You can only chuckle from the fact that he is literally 50 minutes late. You wanted to be mad but you were honestly more embarrassed for letting yourself even wait that long. But nonetheless, you nod your head and the two of you head over to your place and he just might’ve made up for making you wait that night. You counted. He stayed over til the morning this time, he even stayed for coffee! That’s definitely a first. Maybe He truly does care.

Or maybe it’s just wishful thinking.

“You’re so beautiful” He would say, running his rough fingers over your head, caressing you softly. It was like a scene out of a book. Just like the one you read last month about the– well who cares. Simon was leaving soon.

As he was walking out the door, he caressed your cheek, before placing a delicate kiss if you were a set of china.

“I love you so much, my pretty pretty girl. I promise if you just wait for me-” You can’t help but tune him out after. Those are the only words you wanted to hear. You don’t wanna hear about how he has to get back home to his girl or that work was waiting for him.

Your strong little heart could only bear the small things he does for you, anything after that would be too much, knowing what you and also knowing that you couldn’t have him.

The door shuts and reality hits harder than a boulder when you sink back into your messy room. Someday.

(CRITICISM APPRECIATED!!!)

THANK YOU 4 READING

[infamous-if]

we focus so much on the angst (which i love too!!) but can we get some fluffy facts about being in a relationship with the cast pretty please? 💕💕

Yes, I’m sort of ready for some fluff haha

Being in a relationship with

Seven: means a lot of mushiness. Seven is very free with their love. They will stare at you a lot and when you confront them they’ll just shrug and say “sorry you’re just so [insert compliment here].” Seven likes to take a lot of photos and expect songs written about you and many mixtapes. That’s how they communicate everything they feel: through mixtapes and songs. As I mentioned before, seven is also touchy, though it depends on MC’s comfort level, but their default is touching all the time. Always connected, as if permanently linked. Seven will always have at least one finger on you at all times 😭 they’re a clinger, like I said, they sort of act like a needy puppy who wants attention all the time. Pouty. Whining, but in an endearing way.

Orion: means romance in private. Orion is good with all the normal relationship stuff he just tends to cringe more over it LMSJSJS but in private, he is surprisingly romantic and sheepish? He’ll set up a whole five-course date and then play it off like “it was nothing” Orion is also someone who does a lot of things without thinking about it. He’ll buy something for MC and very casually say “this made me think of you so here” and while it may seem like it’s a big deal, it just comes naturally to him. He’s a bit possessive, but not an unhealthy amount? More in a protective way. What you saw in the demo during the interview is what Orion is like with a partner. In public he is a bit less affectionate, but in private there will be a lot of lingering touches, a lot more affection. Orion wouldn’t want to leave MC’s side, even if he doesn’t always vocalize it. He also gets a bit more reckless and loses that sort of “workaholic” habit of his (aka willing to ditch work to stay with MC.)

Victoria: mush, mush, mush. She’s super affectionate and loves PDA and everything that comes with romance. Victoria will shower her partner with constant love and support. She isn’t shy to express how much she misses someone, and will write long letters about how she feels. She wants to shout her love on the rooftops and is a bit clingy like Seven. She wants to be smothered and smothers in return. Hugging constantly; always has herself wrapped around her partner. Random kisses, random gifts. She will take her partner to every event. She does get a bit jealous but nothing too bad, especially considering her experience. She’s a very sweet lover who is proud of her partner.

Seb: Seb can be quite shy. His affection comes with a lot of hesitance and is not as loud, but sweet all the same. He likes to ask permission a lot (‘can I kiss you?’ ‘can I hold your hand?’) and is the type to pick out a flower from the grass and gift it to MC lol I can’t say much about Seb aside from the fact that he does sort of act like a young kid who is in his first stages of love. He questions himself often but there are moments of confidence that are surprising. He’s also protective like Orion, and likes to be entangled all the time (see: hugging from behind.) he’s more of a go-with-whatever-MC-is-doing type. If MC wants to get wild, he’ll get wild. If not, he’s okay with that too.

G: a lot of touching, a lot of kissing. G won’t care about anyone else in the room if you’re around. They won’t even pay any mind to anyone else. G’s love can be sort of intense in the sense that they aren’t shy about sharing how they don’t gaf about anyone else but you. They want to be on top of their partner all the time. Hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder. They want to spend all their time together. All their free time goes to them. G will include them in every convo. They won’t want to do anything fun or new without their partner. They’ll talk about them all the time. Ask where they are, look for them constantly. Moan about how they just want to talk to them or see them. G will become insufferable once they are apart. Like some bratty child. G turns into a completely different person when they’re in love.

August: means August is always thinking of their partner’s well-being. Always by their side. August will send them links to songs and videos that remind them of them and casually boast their partner’s accomplishments to anyone who will listen. They kind of lose a bit of their coolness and get a bit dorky around people they like; fumbling over their words, turning clumsy, getting shy. They’ll get real embarrassed to talk about their feelings or get mushy but they’ll do it if it makes their partner happy. They’ll think of them often and just want to chat about everything. August will be an open book with the person they love. Nothing is off limits. They laugh more, become more open and make more jokes. August becomes very free in the presence of the one they like. They’re a very different person (like G.)

[starswritewhispers]

Nalu Writing Practice-Bets & Loops

I'm so out of practice with writing, please let me know what y'all think

Lucy rubbed at her temples, her eyes squeezing shut as if that could drown out the sound of arguing next to her.  She just wanted to read her book and instead she had a front row seat to a soap opera.

"You let him call you Ever?”  Bickslow’s incredulous voice demanded, ruining her fifth attempt to read the same line. “Honestly, just because the idea of romance is lost on you does no–” “I am very romantic–stop laughing, Fried–” “See, even Fried,--” 

“I’d like to stay out of this,” The green haired mage piped up, wincing when both of his friends whirled towards him instead.

Lucy had changed her usual seat in hopes of a more peaceful spot to read, and usually, this area would’ve been fine. Of course, Evergreen had decided to tell Laxus that her date with Elfman had gone well, which led to Bickslow spitting his drink out and the following argument. “It’s not like I’m Natsu or some shit,” Bickslow argued and Lucy blinked, slowly tuning into their argument again.  “Careful,” Laxus drawled, eyes flickering over to Lucy’s as he smirked. “Blondie’s right there,”

“What is that supposed to mean?” She demanded, sliding her bookmark into place before snapping the book shut. “Talking about Natsu’s romantic failures, white right in front of his biggest–only–failure, isn’t wise or kind,” Fried supplied in a tone that she supposed was meant to be helpful.  She distantly heard the sound of chairs scooting over but was distracted by her own heartbeat in her ears and the warmth rising to her cheeks. “I–Natsu–me?”  She spluttered, eyes widening to saucers. “See,” she overheard Bickslow grumble to Evergreen. “I’m not that–” “Hey!” “What he means,” Evergreen cut in, a smirk worming its way onto her face. “Natsu obviously is in love with you, everyone knows it, except you. And maybe him.” “We’re friends,” she answered with a roll of her eyes that was heavily counteracted with her deep blush. “He doesn’t feel that way about me and neither do–” Her weak rebuttal was canceled out by a loud whoop, followed by a crash and– “Gray did it!” 

“Natsu did it!” Lucy groaned, sliding her book into her bag and accepting defeat as she stood up. “You know,” Evergreen began, something similar to mischief flickering in her eyes. “If you really don’t like him, why don’t you try dating around? I have some friends I could set you up with,” she offered, her tone far too sweet for her. “Just check with him first, make sure there’s no set jobs or anything.” Lucy narrowed her eyes, sensing a trap but unsure of where it was. She huffed, turning on her heel. “Fine,” she succeeded with a shake of her head. “Just so you all–”  She gave a pointed look to the rest of her friends who were listening in, “Leave it alone.” She started to walk off towards Natsu and Gray, or rather, the tumbling mess of limbs that was Natsu and Gray when she was cut off by Levy.

“Are you actually going to tell him?” Her best friend asked, cocking her head.  Lucy sighed, running her fingers through her hair. “I might as well,” she admitted, looking down at the bluenette. “It’ll get the guild off my back and stop giving me–” She cut herself off, checking to make sure nobody else heard her near admission. Luckily, only Levy smiled at her with a knowing, sad, look in her eyes. “I think you should just ask him,” she suggested with a bright smile. “He may surprise you and jealous dragons are never the best thing to deal with, trust–” “Levy, I love you and appreciate your help but it’s just–” She frowned, shaking her head. “We’re just friends and he hates change, I don’t want to ruin that.” She offered a weak grin that didn’t quite reach her eyes as she shrugged. “Don’t worry about the jealousy, Natsu doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body.” With that, she continued her trek over to Natsu and Gray, swallowing her unnecessary nerves. “Luce!” Natsu’s excited voice called otu to her over the noise, the pink hair boy bouncing up with a grin. “What are ya doing here? I thought you were finishing that dumb lovey-dovey book today?” Lucy frowned, crossing her arms. “It’s not dumb, it’s romantic,” she corrected with a sigh. “And I–” She cut herself off, grimacing at the memory. “Changed my mind,” she settled on with a shrug.  He only grinned at her, glancing over to Gray with a laugh. 

“Lucy goes on all these adventures with us in her real life then reads about make believe ones,” he shook his head, his mess of pnik spikes following the moment. “Your life is better than a book, Luce.” “Well,” Gray began, in a voice that usually was followed by Natsu’s fists, “Lucy’s books have charming princes and Lucy’s life has,” he glanced down at Natsu. “Temperamental dragons.” “My temperature is fine, ya lousy–” “Temperamental doesn’t mean your literal temperature, Natsu,” Lucy corrected him with a fond smile. “It means you’re–” She paused, deciding she didn’t want to be included in Erza’s wrath that day. “Nevermind.”  “See,” He whirled over to Gray, a frown tugging on his lips once he realized the ice mage’s attention was elsewhere. “Why are you looking at Juvia like that? It’s weird.” Truly. Not a romantic bone to be found. “On the note of princes,” Lucy began, immediately regretting her decision when both of the men turned their gazes back onto her. Gray looked amused whilst Natsu just seemed an odd mix of confused and something else she couldn’t place. “Evergreen wants to set me up wirth one of her friends,” she started, eyes focusing on anywhere but them. “Do we have any set mission day—” “What?” Natsu demanded at the same time Gray burst into laughter. He was rewarded with a sharp elbow in the gut from the dragon slayer, but he only doubled over as he continued to laugh.  “Shut up, Gray,” he hissed, turning back to Lucy. “You and Evergreen aren’t even friends,” He protested, eyes narrowing. “She doesn’t know the kind of guys you should be around.” Lucy bristled, her own temper rising to the surface. “Oh, and you do?” She demanded, crossing her arms.  “Obviously,” he huffed out with a laugh. 

A laugh.

She was going to kill him with his own scarf.

“I mean do you think any guy Evergreen picks for ya would know the books you read? Or how to make you hot cocoa, cause for some reason you want it just above lukewarm? Or the way ya wrinkle your nose when you lie, or–”  For a moment, Lucy’s thought paused and even Gray stopped laughing as Natsu rambled on, seeming to get more frustrated with every passing second. “And–are you even listening to me, Lucy?” He demanded, hands on his hips in an oddly similar manner to her own usual annoyed posture. “I–” She paused, feeling a wave of courage surge up in her. “So if I shouldn’t go on a date with anyone, who should I be with then?” “Me,”  Despite being the one who said it, Natsu looked as shocked as Lucy felt when the words fell from his lips. He recovered quickly, his trademark grin falling over his face as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Cause, yknow, we spend so much time together and I don’t want to deal with a new–” “Shut up,” Gray advised in a hiss, still seated next to them.  “Do you–” Her eyes flicked down to Gray, narrowing slightly at the realization that he may know something she didn’t. She’d deal with that later. “Do you like me, Natsu?” Perhaps she should’ve waited for a moment when the entir guild hall wasn’t listening to them because his response would be held over her head for far longer than she ever needed. “Really, Luce?” He asked, an expression of bemusement on his features. “Gee, I thought you were supposed to be the smart one, ya weirdo.”    She was going to punch him. Or kick him. At this point, he had earned a kick. “Like isn’t the right word, I think–” he paused, and she noticed Gray giving him an almost encouraging nod. “I think I love you?” His words trailed off at the end of the sentence, sounding unsure, nervous, and so un Natsu like that she completely reconsidered kicking him. The kick could wait, what she wanted to do in that moment couldn’t. Lucy walked closer to him, ignoring the way her hands trembled as she clutched his scarf, then promptly used it to pull him into a kiss.  She ignored the way the guild hall erupted into cheers and complaints of loss bets, focusing on Natsu’s hands sliding over her waist, both of their lips forming smiles against the others, the way they fit so perfectly. “Okay, okay, enough with the PDA,” Gray groaned and Lucy yelped, breaking away from Natsu. Her cheeks flared, promptly becoming far too aware of the guild hall. “Says the stripper,” “Yeah yeah, go take that energy out on–” “Finish that sentence, I dare you,” Natsu’s hand had somehow grabbed Lucy’s during their argument, lacing their fingers together. He turned back to face her, the bright grin on his face mirroring her own. 

By the time the happy couple had gone home, the hall was still awake with murmurs of what had occurred. “You so cheated, Ever,” Elfman groaned, dropping his head in his hands. His girlfriend snorted, but still ran her fingers through his hair fondly as she glanced over at the rest of the thunder legion, currently going through their winnings.

They had bet on not only the month but the location of when the two would confess.  “There were no rules against offering one of them an out,” she said with a faux innocent smile. “Just interfering with their own relationship.”

“Loopholes,” Cana grumbled bitterly with a swig of her beer. Or vodka. Hopefully, just beer. "At least it finally fucking happened.”

[goldenspringmornings]

so I’ve been sorta contemplating why I find acotar to be so disappointing (outside of all the complaints I’ve already made) and I think that interview post I reblogged earlier actually has the big reason in that, I honestly and genuinely think that sarah j maas doesn’t actually know what older fantasy/romance readers want or like

like there’s a reason that these genres have such formulaic tropes and cliches, romance especially, and that’s cause people like them!!! people reading these genres who have been for years and years already aren’t coming into a ya fantasy/romance expecting you to flip the entire genre on its head, they already know what they like and they know how this story is supposed to go. selling readers one thing just to pull the rug out from under them to say “actually this story was about this other thing all along don’t you feel foolish” is actually insulting and bad for the industry as a whole

if you don’t want to write fantasy and all the work that comes with it, don’t write fantasy- keep the story as just a romance. and the inverse is true too! if you don’t want to put the work into a believable compelling romantic arc, you don’t have to write a romance

but it really feels like acotar doesn’t know what it wants to be, it’s a high fantasy with no world and it’s a romance with a flat and unbelievable love story so idk what sjm was really even trying to say over the course of 4.5 books. not only does her writing fail on a technical level, ie none of her characters aside from maybe nesta having actual character arcs, it fails in a meta way too because as someone who loves fantasy and romance why should i care??? what am i actually doing here? digging for scraps the author never meant to be found? picking at a decaying corpse like a vulture desperate for something substantive? all that I enjoy about acotar comes from my own headcanons and the fandom’s critical analysis discussions inferring something interesting about the barebones world sjm threw onto the page

in romance, good male love interests before the pervasiveness of acotar weren’t “alpha holes” or whatever the new term is now, they were written to be everything the female protagonist, and thereby the reader, wanted but denied herself- even objectively bad men can be good love interests, take Edward Cullen or Christian Gray for example because it’s about the wish fulfillment in finding your perfect partner

sjm is writing for booktok, girls under 25 just getting into reading because it’s trendy now and the more popular books don’t actually have a real story to tell, which imo is okay!!! just don’t pretend to have a deep and impactful theme/messaging if you wanna write feel-good popcorn fiction, don’t take yourself so seriously if you’re not gonna write seriously.

this feels like I’m rambling now but ig my real point is that old school romance/fantasy readers choose the genres for a reason, either the complex other worlds or intense meaningful love stories they provide their audiences and sim’s acotar is devoid of both those pivotal things that mesh so well together is hard to imagine one without the other now. and that’s sad.

[actuallyevilgay]

Hear me out, one of Tav’s parents went missing when he was very young. Later he finds out that the reason why his parent went missing was because Astarion lured them to Cazador.

I hope you read my about, Anon. This might go a little different than you expected. My first request :o I’m excited.

Oneshot: Daddy Issues

Astarion x male reader Content Warnings: Discussion of child abuse and child neglect. Mature language. Talk of Adultery. Notes: Tav gets a little unhinged from the doorframe. Tav is not a heroic person. Might not be lore friendly?

…..

The venture into Cazador’s palace was anything but easy, the smell of neglect radiated over the place. It made you wonder if the vampire lord even cared for keeping up appearances, but knowing how some vampires made their rule.. They probably cared more about causing fear than looking as good as they say in romance novels… There was nothing romantic about this place. The allure could’ve been a fantasy for the many victims Astarion was forced to lure into this damned place.

You wouldn’t lie, if this place was given a massive makeover.. It might actually make a nice home. Yet, it was better to keep that banter for after the upcoming battle. Astarion’s unease made your neck hairs stand on edge. You protectively placed yourself in front of Astarion whenever the party turned another corner. His undead lungs consistently caught a large breath at every stop. Like he was about to walk into another nightmare.

Certainly he would, and so would you. The dungeon’s elevator let in an air of absolute disgust. Not just the smell.. The sight of all the victims in cages.

After Sebastian lunged for Astarion in rage, you pulled him back. ‘’This is not your fault.’’ A part of you wanted to judge the poor noble for being stupid, on the other hand.. You didn’t have it in you to mentally process what this could mean. Being another one of Astarion’s victims? No.. No. Don’t you dare even think about it. This guy is already dead, walking into the trap was his own fault. You on the other hand, were here to help Astarion kill Cazador. He may have tried to seduce you under false pretences, but you fell for each other despite all that. You wanted to give him the world. You were not his victim.

‘’They’re all here.’’ He muttered. ‘’Gods. They’re all here.’’

You looked at him with a reassuring glance. ‘’Don’t think about it. Think about yourself.’’ The conflict in Astarion’s eyes remained briefly, pushing at the sides of his mind. He shook his head. ‘’..You’re right. There’s no use in lingering in the past.. Not now.’’

Confident, the party began to cross the room, ignoring the sights of all the vampire spawn in the cages. ‘’Maybe we should.. Free them?’’ Gale uttered, doubtful. ‘’And unleash a horde of ravenous vampire spawn?’’ Shadowheart spit back at the wizard. ‘’They look like they’ve never even fed!’’

Astarion shuddered, wanting to be out of here as soon as possible. He had to face this.

To your regret, as he turned to you once more for guidance, a familiar voice called out.

‘’Tav..? Son- Is that you?’’

You felt bile rise up in your stomach. You haven’t heard this voice since you were at least ten years old. ‘’My, so this is where you’ve been, after all this?’’ You started to laugh in amusement, making everyone around you raise their brows in confusion.

Astarion looked to you, then to the man speaking to you.. He blinked, unsure if this was one of his victims. You made eye contact with the vampire, your expression unreadable.

‘’Don’t worry, I’m not judging you.’’ You noted, before turning back to the man who had abandoned you. ‘’You.. On the other hand.’’

‘’Wait- Does that mean Astarion slept with your-’’ Shadowheart cut herself off as you glared at her. You did not want to envision that at all. Gross. 

‘’Oh I remember that night..’’ Your father’s voice sounded as drunk and hazy as when he left. Maybe that was simply his natural state of being, but you did not care.

‘’..Do you have anything to say that isn’t an attempt to insult me?’’ Your response sounded as bitter as you felt. ‘’Poor dear old dad, seduced by one of his many conquests into damnation. Absolutely perfect. Congratulations.’’

Astarion eyed you, remembering how little you spoke of your past. Maybe.. To distract him, you might as well indulge your loved one. ‘’This man, this man.. Is why my mother left. It’s why I grew up eating moldy bread in the streets.’’ You shook your arms. ‘’This is.. Amazing. I can’t believe he’s here. No- I can. This is actually a good thing.’’ You felt the spiteful laughter tugging your throat. You wanted to laugh until you couldn’t breathe.

‘’Darling..’’ Astarion looked at you with some concern in his voice, unsure what to say. 

‘’Damned little son of a bitch! Let me out of here!’’ Your father tried to reach for you through the bars, you looked at him with cold dead eyes. With one swift turn, you avoided his claws and grabbed him by the throat, smashing him against the prison bars. He coughed up whatever bit of congealed blood was left in his lungs. ‘’Ugh-’’

‘’Can you imagine? This pitiful man.’’ You sighed as you released him, he dropped to the floor. You turned to Astarion again, eyes softening.

‘’For as long as I can remember, this man abused me and my mother. He would leave her with very little, refusing to let her even get a job to provide for me.. Because all he did was drink, and drink, go out and sleep with strangers.’’ You sighed, looking back to the pathetic thing in the cage.

‘’I suppose he was handsome enough for your master to drink dry, maybe he just wanted to get drunk on his intoxicated blood.’’ You went quiet for a moment.

‘’One day, when he didn’t come back- My mother decided it was the perfect time to abandon me.’’ The spite and hatred in your eyes came flowing back. ‘’I had nothing but anger to survive on.’’

‘’You whoreson-’’ Your father once more spoke up, but you spit at him. ‘’SHUT UP!’’

‘’I should’ve beaten you more.’’

You decided to let him have his say, and thus the insults of decades came back around. You remembered them all, each little thing he knew would rile you up and cause you to run and hide. You wanted to slap the teeth out of his mouth, but patiently waited until he was finished.

‘’Have you nothing to say for yourself boy?’’ Your father held onto the prison bars again. ‘’Be a good little shit and do something right in your life for once. Let me out.’’

You stared at him, expression unreadable. Astarion grabbed your hand, he now too shared your rage. ‘’I don’t remember him, actually.. Pity.’’ He said, clicking his teeth.

‘’What? You don’t remember how you led me into this hell? You little-’’ He tried to lunge forward again, making pathetic attempts to claw his way out. ‘’You said all these little- recited lines! Sounded so dreamy. Corny. I was very into it. The sex wasn’t that great though.’’

He turned back to you, noticing you interlocking your fingers with Astarion. Your lover’s face contorted with disgust at your father. ‘’Don’t tell me- you’re into this man? Are you sleeping with him?’’ the deadbeat stopped and laughed at you. ‘’Oh.. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, boy. You’re just like me. Admit it.’’

For a moment, the childlike doubt overtook you again. Everything he said was designed to hurt you, to treat you like a punching bag. He would sometimes feign care for you, only to earn your trust and use it against you like a weapon. You were just a little kid.. This man, this man was a real monster.

‘’I don’t think so, Tav is nothing like you.’’ Astarion thought about it. ‘’If anything, it makes no sense for him to be related to you. Are you sure your wife didn’t sleep around? Hmm?’’ Astarion’s words clearly hit a nerve, because your father once more tried to claw his way out, screaming obscenities.

You didn’t care for either your parents, the idea of your mother sleeping with another man to conceive you wasn’t that far fetched. After all, as far as you were concerned.. You had no parents. You had to raise yourself.

‘’Don’t talk to me like that, you… You..  Manwhore!’’ Your father remarked, he started to look defeated, falling to the ground.

Both you and Astarion shared the same expression at the sight. Amusement. A little piece of justice had come from all this misery.

‘’There’s one little thing.. Just the thing. How do I put this?’’ Astarion thought for a moment. ‘’I think you slept with Petras, not me.’’ He then looked back at you, worried.  ‘’I may have been horrible enough to seduce people for… Cazador. But I never went for the already drunk ones.’’ That confession seemed to hit both Gale and Shadowheart as well. It was genuine.

From all the different kinds of people held captive in this place.. The stories of drunk people falling victim to some of the worst crimes imaginable was one all too familiar.

When he mentioned Petras, you recalled running into him at the flophouse. He recited some of Astarion’s lines in the corniest way possible in an attempt to seduce you. ‘’My dad slept with that guy?’’ You nearly choked. Then your laughter became a storm.

‘’I can’t-’’ You wheezed. ‘’THAT’S-’’ You coughed. ‘’I can’t breathe!’’ You nearly fell to the floor. Then it turned from joyful, into sadistic laughter.

You could see your father peer his reddened eyes at Astarion, narrowing them, making sure he was right.. Then he slowly realised. ‘’You’re.. An elf.’’ 

You laughed again sadistically, and Astarion joined you. 

Gale and Shadowheart awkwardly shifted around. ‘’It’s always like this with those two, huh?’’ Shadowheart mumbled. ‘’You know, I would laugh too if that was my father.’’ Gale shrugged. ‘’Let them, if anything.. The reprieve from the misery in this place is a good thing.’’ Neither the Wizard or the Cleric were as eager to run into a battle with a vampire lord. They were doing this for the sake of their friends. ‘’Well, my mother figure was terrible.’’ Shadowheart eventually added, accepting that this might as well be a good thing. ‘’I should’ve laughed at her downfall, perhaps it would have made things better..’’

You took one more look at your father in the cage as you came down from your high. Taking a deep breath, you examined his face clearly.

‘’Yes, gloat some more. Or are you actually pitying me now?’’ Your father remarked, his eyes begged for freedom. Surely you wouldn’t damn 7000 souls just because of him now, would you?

‘’No, I am simply burning this perfect picture of you into my mind.’’ You replied, causing the dread to sink into his form. ‘’No- No! Don’t let him do this! Please!’’ He turned to your allies, then to Astarion, putting on a different persona in an attempt to persuade him. ‘’I tried okay? He’s lying! I was drunk yes- But I’m not-’’

‘’Shhhh. Hush now, I think he likes it when you look so pathetic.’’ Astarion stared at him with a faked expression of empathy. ‘’Are you ready, my dear?’’ He turned back to you, seeing your smirk slowly fade. ‘’Oh, I’ve had my revenge. Are you ready to get yours?’’ You asked him back, he simply nodded.

Today was only just going to get better.