#i’m a few hours late FUCK
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#i’m a few hours late FUCK#SIGH whatever. whatever!#ANYWAY NEW SKYHILL JUST DROPPED THIS IS NOT A DRILL 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨#game grumps#dan avidan#skyhill#skyhillband#honeyposting
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god i just imagined,, getting all cozy with moon on a chilly day in autumn, and watching over the garden wall. i think he’d really like it
#idk why i’m so fucking obsessed with specifically moon lately#auuugghhhhh#i am feeling very soft rn#contrast to my stress of having to go to work in a few hours ahahah
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Shoutout to Quinton Reviews for once again rearranging my brain chemistry
#watching the last few minutes of the nicktoons unite video after two days during which. I had a completely normal time with no bad#experiences befalling me at all. very normal. number of hours during which I watched a 7 hour video#anyway ! planning on finally watching invader zim and also maybe rewatching el tigre because that was#A Show I Remember To Be Very Good Even Though I Don’t Actually Remember Any Of The Events so it’s probably worth revisiting.#also being introduced to the ways of the Danny phantom fandom by my partner who’s been a part of it for a (to me) unknown number of years#because I love them very much and want to indulge in their interests with them even if it’s not one of the shows I grew up with <3#but first it’s time for me to once again queue up his icarly videos and go the fuck to sleep because it’s Late and I’m Sleepy#rat rambles
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Trying to fall asleep at 11:45 in the morning deeply confused as to why it’s not working
#don’t work completed school shit a few days in advance the attempted late morning nap is responsible but also. not happening. problem being#I do not want to be AWAKE#I do not want to be awake. last night too I only got like five hours no. I do not want to be awake for the love of god#and I’m tired!! but apparently not fall asleep tired so I dunno what that is. Fall Asleep. go to sleep. for the love of god#we are 110% depressive episode posting lately and I am so so sorry but I am SAD. and awake. Jesus (tm)#I WANT to work on my scarf and watch some more tv but I don’t wanna get up and then have to be sad but like upright that’s significantly#MORE work. and then I’ll be upset about my morning being fucked up and out of time like the nap would be better let’s just go to sleeeeep#please. nap. please.#ughhhhhhhhhhhhh#tacit rambles#vent
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Jfc
#meows#I’ve planned for weeks for my mom and I to go to this antique store I like#and she’s always had some reason why she couldn’t#but I FINALLY got her to say yes#but then last night I got a call from a school I applied to#asking if I could go to an interview with them#today and I said yes and it’s not for a few more hours#and I told my mom this and she said okay we can meet earlier#and I left a tiny bit later than I wanted and told her I might be a lil late#and what does she do? decide to go to a store!#the store is 15 min away! so now I’ve beat her and am having to wait#why would she fucking do that#oh and the other kicker is my stupid hair is doing all kinds of bs#and as I’m parking at the food place#my gma calls to say a person is coming to#get an estimate on a new shower#despite the fact I TOLD her I just wanted a new seal#bc the stupid thing keeps making a huge ass puddle#but as per usual no one fucking listens to me#and my bathroom looks AWFUL#I’m gonna cry I swear to god
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shouldn’t have checked my bank account as expected my mother has taken thousands more dollars from my savings and has almost run me dry more or less. Cool!
#I’m going to fucking call the bank and ask about a second checking account because she’s never going to make her own fucking account#it’s been like a year since she said she would and it’s just not gonna happen#she owes me thousands of dollars via me paying her fucking overdraft fees and she always says ‘what you think I won’t pay you back?’ no!!!!!#no I don’t!!!!!!! because you literally never have!!!!!!!!!!!#and where the fuck are you going to get like 8000 dollars anyway. because that’s what she owes me at the very least#even if you want to factor in like. paying her monthly for the groceries she buys and cat food and whatever that’s still. thousands of#dollars. and the worst part about it is I just have no safety net anymore#because my savings is basically nothing at this point. like nothing that can help in a dire situation anymore.#I keep thinking about whatever im going to have to end up paying for top surgery and I WOULD have a significant amount saved up to#contribute to that but haha! no I don’t! it’s fucking gone!#and I’ve been getting paid basically fucking nothing lately because of how few hours they’re scheduling me so that does not fucking help#my last paycheck was literally like half of what I should be getting. I made like 1K in the past two paychecks. that’s fucking depressing#anyway I’ve given myself a headache#I’ve been avoiding looking at my bank account because I knew it would be bad and it’d stress me the fuck out but I also have been anxious#not knowing and my mother making a few vague comments that implied she must have fucked me over. so I checked today and yeah she sure did#if I don’t make a new checking account that she can’t access i am actually going to be broke within the nenxt few months at this rate#my head hurts and I am so upset I am so upset I work so fucking hard and it doesn’t even matter i just lose money constantly#I get nothing I just pay her fucking fees and pay for my tuition and pay for everything else of any significance#and I am not exaggerating I work my ass off. I am the only person I know at my job who begs to work holidays and extra days and stay as late#as possible and it . doesn’t even matter#im going to kill myself I swear to god. there’s shit I need to buy. what am I supposed to do.#kibumblabs#vent#like shit I need to buy for WORK. my manager is getting on me about not having proper shoes for example and yeah I can get a discount#through shoes for crews but I still dont have the fucking money for anything anymore#not unless I want to run myself into the fucking ground#I need a new binder badly. I need new black pants also for work since mine are so faded at this point.#I only have one fitted sheet that doesn’t have giant holes in it#I can’t stop thinking about my last paycheck it was literally the worst I’ve seen since starting this job a year ago. fucking infuriating
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WHENS THE 5TH ONE COMING????
AHHH IM SORRY GUYS THIS ONES GONNA BE LATE
I got a huge ass math test I’m taking tomorrow so I can qualify to get in a college chemistry course next year and I’m freaking out so I will get that drawn it just won’t be posted till like 12 am my time (so in like 5 hours)
#Ask#anon#IM SORRY IM SORRY#ITS GONNA BE A FEW HOURS LATE#SPEAKING OF WHICH IF ANY OF YOU ARE AT A HIGHSCHOOL JUNIOR MATH LEVEL OR HIGHER COULD I SEND YOU MATH PROBLEMS IM STRUGGLING ON QUADRATICS#AND FACTORING#AHHHHH#AFTER I FINISH MY TEST AND STUFF ILL DO SOME ART TRADES OR SOMETHING OK I PROMIS#AHAJJGJHKJKSNDHKDJRNGJQ#THERES A GOOD CHANCE I WILL CRY TONIGHT#BUT THERES NO TIME FOR THAT#THERE IS ONLY TIME FOR QUADRACTICS AND CHEMISTY#AND ART#ACTUALLY LOTS OF ART#FUCK MATH AND CHEMISTY#Dm for an art trade if you wanna do one I’m so sick of math
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I got another hobby.
#prince text#prince learns crochet#it’s so bad#I’m so bad at it#but damnit if it ain’t fun#the only bad part is that I was so particular and fretting learning the loops that my hands got rlly tight#first and worst hand flare up since I moved to Washington#but I think it’s exacerbated bc I’ve been doing two hours of gesture drawing a couple times a week lately too#and one of those times was today#so my hands are done with me rn#they’re like BITCH STOP WE GET IT U CRAFT#WATCH A MOVIE PLAY POKÉMON LEAVE US BE FOR A FEW HOURS FOR FUCKS SAKE#ok guys I hear u#anytime I learn something like this I need twice as much patience and to be shown over and over again#but now I know it’s dyspraxia and not me just being Bad at listening#or moving#LMAOOOO
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love being 25 and not knowing how to socialize bc i’m autistic and off putting and cringe so no one wanted to talk to me/wanted to be my friend growing up so now i’m an adult with very few friends or ppl i talk to on a regular basis bc i never learned how to socialize or text properly bc no one taught me how
#abc shut it#vent#i’m so lonely it’s not even funny#my talking to myself has just gotten worse in the past few months alone#i just want some friends i can do watch parties with and play games with damn it#i’m so bored and lonely all the time#my life has just been work sleep and chores and it’s driving me insane bc i have nothing breaking up the routine#like it doesn’t help no one texted me bc i was poor and had didn’t get a smart phone until is was basically too late :)#like i know part of it is the depression but#idk i just don’t do anything when i get home#sometimes i do art sometimes i game but usually i just lose track of time staring at tumblr and the next thing i know my few hours—#after work are gone and i have to go to bed#like don’t get my wrong i LOVE my coworkers but i need some more friends within my own age bracket#like is it to much to ask for a group of friends that will watch anime and movies with me in our own discord server#like is that literally to much to fucking ask of the universe can i be allowed to feel like an actual normal human being that’s connected#to the human experience for once in my fuckkng life#and not feel like some sort out outlier that doesn’t fucking exist to anyone#i’m to a point where i think and feel like i’m not even real! lol#like idk i would just like there to not to be days where i literally don’t communicate with anyone#and know what to say when ppl DO text me bc when ppl do text me i half the time don’t even know what to say#and forget the message is there and get to scared to reply after too much time has passed like#i know it’s a me problem that therapy would help but im terrified that it won’t#that i’ll just be going therapy and still be a lonely autisic looser who doesn’t know how to communicate without being off putting#or being too much
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i dream of being able to go get a couples massage but instead of w the love of my life it’s w my colon & she finally gets what the FUCK has been WRONG w her WORKED out 😭🙄
#stream#GET A GRIP#I HATE BEING ALIVE#i need to make a new tag where it’s literally just posts of my pussy causing my suffering#shitter nation#that’s it#that’s the one#swag#i say swag so innocuously that my chinese flatmate will just say it too & it makes me laugh like u know when someone has like an affirmation#& start saying it it’s that except i feel bad kind of bc the way i use it is literally butchering the word#me sitting on the bus & it stops: swag#it’s just so fucking funny ALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLAKALAKSLA like I CANT HELP IT IM CONSTANTLY SAYING IT MY BROTHER GOT ME STARTED DOING IT LIKE#THIS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#anyway#my family got hit by the hurricane yesterday & thank fucking GOD that PINE FELL IN THE OPPOSITE DIECTION bc YALL#literally it would’ve taken out the bedrooms#like the whole root system has TIPPED#but do we know why ? YES WE FUCKING DO & ITS BC FATHER KEPT CUTTING DOWN ALL THE BRANCHES bc ‘it’ll damage the roof!’ which i mean in this#case … FAIR …. BUT ALSO IN THIS CASE IT WAS SOOO TOP HEAVY#i mean like they always made ME afraid bc u can see them sway but i just thought ‘like a sailboat u need a mountain of a wave to tip’ &#hurricanes ? are the mountain … BUT SHE LASTED DURING ALL THE OTHERS#LITERALLY ALL OF THE OTHERS like this tree is older than the house & the house is OLD [FOR AMERICA] it was built in the late 70s/early 80s#like she took HARVEY & IKE FINE#which i was there during but i worry abt them bc of the lack of cell service wifi & power but i know its over so its just clean up now#sucks to be my brother bc my father sent pics of him w an axe having to cut the tipped tree from the road lmfao#wait why is he using an axe we literally have a chainsaw#probably bc the tree’s wet & it’ll fuck up the chain & it has to be out of the road bc that’s where it landed btw lmfao it was house or road#& it’s in the road thank FUCK - NO DAMAGE TO ANY CARS literally we were sooooooo LUCKY#ANYWAY i’m only on a few hours of sleep & tired & my knee kills bc it actually got damaged during the omar assault so ive a new knee brace#swag … :( im just so tired. i’m so over constantly feeling like im being watched 24/7 it has genueinly put so much stress on me
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#im so pissed at myself I should have tried harder I should have used the last few hours here to study and not crochet#I should have put some effort in but god I just cant can I#I can’t do it#I know bad grades doesn’t equal a bad person the mere thought of it is ridiculously stupid#but I can’t get it out of my head#I should have tried harder and studied more#I should have gotten help but I just let it happen#let it get too much and now I’m sitting here with a failure on my transcript and all I can do is shrug#the amount of work I’m going to have to do to make up for this#the amount of pain I’ve caused future me#all because I couldn’t get my fucking act together#god#sorry for being such a downer lately#I just#I’m so sick and tired of my own bullshit but I know I won’t change#because I can’t even be bothered to try#fucking useless#nebula rambles#vent
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Just canceled all of my future therapy appointments. Big fudgin’ bummer. Did I mention I lost my insurance? Didn’t even find out about that until the day it lapsed. Trying to find a way to fix it now, reapplying and whatnot, but ya know, it’s bureaucracy so who knows how long it’ll take. Just fingers crossed I don’t run out of meds first.
lol it’s underwater 🐠
#ugggghhhhh so sad#like genuinely I think my therapist rocks#he’s the best one I’ve ever had. nice and cool but no BS and just harsh enough to push me#I feel like such a baby for saying it but literally the number one thing I’ve wanted these last few weeks was to go to therapy#I had to skip my last appointment so I haven’t seen him in weeks#between my mom’s organ transplant and driving back and forth to see her everyday and taking care of my bros aaand super suicidal birthday#I’m just… I’m tired. I want to vent. I just want to spill my guts for an hour and maybe cry a lot#and I can’t do that with anyone else. I know that’s dumb to say#I 100% can’t complain to my family because ya know I gotta be strong and they don’t need me being a burden#and I love my mutuals but I don’t know any of you anywhere well enough to feel comfortable venting#I mean. y’all can vent to me all day. I’ll gladly listen to you talk about yourselves. I’m here for it. I just can’t do it myself 😕#I’m so tired and anxious and I don’t want to really get into the self harm talk but I’ve had some serious self destructive thoughts lately#I don’t know what I’m going to do#I have to believe it’ll get better#because if I don’t believe that then… what’s the point?#also.. I’m really fucking lonely. just to throw that out there. if you can’t tell by my reblogs.#I am like desperately and ravenously lonely and full of longing#and you add that to everything else it’s just the sad little cherry on top…#now I want an ice cream sundae… mmmm….#I need 1000 hugs and to sit with someone and maybe get fucked up and complain and sit in silence and and and blegh#but that’s life. it’ll be… it’ll be whatever it is.#sorry. this is a bit too heavy for this time of morning#I’ve been sick. really bad vertigo and vomiting and I’m just wiped out and sad#but I love you stranger or at least I like you enough to be okay with you reading this#okay be safe#goodbye forever#text
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just here to proudly announce that I made my own Starbucks lemon loaf today with my own icing and it turned out amazing ^_^ and I made cream puffs last week and they were also amazing ^_^
#I’ve been so sad lately bc it feels like everything creative I’ve been doing#has been turning to shit#but these turned out so well!!!!#the lemon loaf is soooo good I’m so surprised#the recipe said it should’ve taken me an hour to fix and it turned into two and a half aksjdkdj#I just move slow to make sure I don’t fuck up!!!!!!!!#I wish I would’ve taken a pic of it before/after I cut it but I was too busy eating it lmfao#and I didn’t even eat the cream puffs bc I hate cream cheese but my family liked it#so that’s all that matters :)#okay gn my head hurty and I have to be up in a few hours !!#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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Easypeasy Euthanasia is so me frfr
(It is midnight and the mental health issues are getting to me, send help 🥰)
Other songs I feel fit me rn:
LosT
Bloodeater
Good Enough
-ish
Hey Doctor Doctor
And of course,
Teen Idle (gonna animate this one probably)
Who gave me these issues and can they take them back lol (I’m rotting alive and bugs are crawling under my skin and eating me away bit by bit and there’s ants on my eyes)
Might delete this idk (the bugs are making my neck twitch please stop them)
#I don’t want to tag this#uh#mental health#mental illness#uhhh#mentally unstable late night teenager hour#easypeasy euthanasia#I’m not suicidal tho (or am I??? idkkk)#death trauma fucks you up guys#don’t have ur family members die#worst mistake of my life#haha#this is how I cope ok#like-#I don’t wanna die#i just wanna disappear#for like#a few days#and then return w/ all my problems solved#I don’t really wanna die or anything#I don’t like physical hallucinations#they rly suck#yippee#WILL WOOD MENTIONED!!!#i love will wood so much
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I really need to stop doing the thing where I say “oh I’m just gonna take a little nap”, and then I wake up like 4-5 hours later
#because it’s currently 8pm and I just woke up#and it was the kind of sleep where I woke up thinking that it was already morning#and I have to be up in like 8 hours so now I’m gonna be awake for another few hours and then fall asleep again for probably like 4 more hour#my sleep pattern is fucked up 😂 because I’ll do this and then try to force myself the next night to go back to a normal sleep time#so on weekday nights when I have to be up at 4 in the morning I’m staying up late til like midnight but in weekend nights when I can stay up#and sleep in the next morning I’m crashing at like 8 or 9 on and waking up at 5 in the morning. like wtf me#but I just lay down after my shower to watch tiktoks and then I was gonna get up and eat#but that was 5ish hours ago and somehow I fell asleep
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Two rats having lunch
Two rats having lunch
The vermin
The vermin
Enthusiastically munch!
TWO RATS
ON THE GROUND
EATIN FOOD
GRILLED CHEESE AND
TOMATO SOUP
#i almost want to make a cover b/c two trucks sounds really funky but I physically can’t put my brain through that#I just don’t like sex songs and shit#unrelated sorta but I watched Rocky horror picture show around Halloween and I dissasosiated so much that I barely remember what happened#the rest of the night#the whole of that day sucked too because that was when I was left outside for three hours at a dance that I only went too because my mom#wasn’t home so she couldn’t drop me off for the sleepover after and I thought it would be fun to show up as a surprise because I didn’t#think I’d be able to before!#but they forgot about me and I was crying outside in late October and everyone forgot abt me#even the teacher that came over to check on me. she said that she’d come back in a few mins and I said that was ok but she didn’t#I never blasted Spirit Phone into my ears as loud as I did that day#anyways that should’ve been another post in of itself sorry lmao#still mad about it even though I know it’s my fault I’m upset and they weren’t really at fault#I kinda fucked the friendship because I was very emotional and I haven’t had friends in YEARS so I didn’t know how arguments work?#and the only time I had real arguments was with my dad and that usually felt like a ‘you have to survive this make yourself right so he’ll#leave’ kinda thing#yay love trauma dumping good night guys
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