#i’ll probably always be insecure about my writing no matter what

[gregmarriage]

so, i’m thinking of posting my new fic today…

[reidmania]

inbetween | spencer reid

good riddance x spencer reid one shot series master list

summary ; after months over talking over email, you and spencer finally meet in person.

warnings ; reader & spencer fall in love over emails, meeting in person, insecure reader, insecure spencer, worries about not being enough, pretty much just pure fluff tbh.

an ; in between yall. this song. this is the first oneshot in the good riddance x spencer reid one shot series!! while i waiting for the poll to finish!!

part one, part two, part three

‘I just can't come between 'em, they got their own thing I wish he'd stop pretendin', he won't let his phone ring. For more than a couple seconds, oh, I think maybe two. two hearts just fallin' in and out of love for somethin' new. ‘i wish that you could see 'em, their faces lighten up their past is cold and empty, they know it's been enough of waitin' on somebody, someone who doesn't care but he knows her name, she knows he'll always be there’

<>

The email rang up at exactly 5:30, exactly when you expected it to. You were sitting at your desk at work, knees pulled to ur chest as you spun on the desk chair. Your coworkers paid no mind to your antics, after working in the safe office for years, with each other. They were used to it by now.

You chewed at your lip as you refreshed your email when the clock changed to exactly 5:30, a wide smile dawned your face when you read the email, you heart ached with longing as your eyes traced over the words on the screen, your stomach tightening and your heart clenching.

Sent from dr.spencerreid@gmail.com at 5:30pm

Hi.

I don’t know when this will send because I’m writing it while on the jet, probably as we get lower and more towards landing, I’ll spare you the scientific details. We only got back from a case this morning, early. Which is why it has taken me so long to reply. Im sorry.

We got a case in Maryland, which I remember you telling me, is where you live. I know I should probably just ask for your phone number but I kind of enjoy the emailing thing. It’s a lot less nerve racking because I can try to pass it off as professional, even though a lot of the time our conversations aren’t.

I actually don’t think we have ever had a professional conversation. Which is a good thing. I really enjoy our conversations no matter what we are talking about. I really enjoy talking to you.

I hope this isn’t too forward but I wanted to know if theres any chance I could see you while I’m in Maryland for this case. I don’t know when it would be or how long I’d be able to see you for, but I do really want to see you. If thats okay with you.

I guess I should give you my number, so you know I’m not some creepy old man. That would be ironic since I work at the FBI and my job is to stop people like that… I don’t know.

Heres my number, 023387677

Love, Spencer.

Your stomach tightened at the idea of seeing him in person. You never admitted it, but you knew he wasn’t an old man, you knew exactly who he was. You made the decision to google his name 6 months ago, when the two of you first started emailing back and forth after he accidentally sent a work email to the wrong person and you replied. It started as just telling him he had sent it to the wrong person, then he thanked you and apologised and made a joke and then the conversation just flowed.

You had been having conversations with Spencer Reid for six months and you felt like you knew more about him than you did yourself. He told you about his day, and about things he had been through, He opened up to you about his addiction and his mom and you opened up to him about your own trauma and issues.

Spencer Reid was your best friend and you had never met him. You had never even heard his voice. You only had seen his face on google when you searched up ‘Spencer reid FBI’ and a photo came up, he looked younger than you assumed in it, seeing the photo was from a few years ago. You felt slightly bad since you knew he could google you and probably come up empty handed — you had the upper hand.

You look at the clock as it inches closer to six o-clock when you finish work. A boring office job, you often complained to Spencer about. It was ironic since his job literally traumatised him, and yet you complained about the boring desk job, although he never ever compared, he would listen and comfort you after a bad day no matter what, just like you did for him.

You don’t reply to the email he sent as you typed the number he sent into your phone, saving the contact under ‘spence’ The nickname that had developed only weeks into the two of you talking. You send him a text, letting him know it was you, saying hi.

“Phone.” You hear your boss, warning you about using your phone at work, you lift your head an apologetic smile on your face as you close your phone, placing it face down on your desk as you close your email and return to your work after muttering out a sheepish, ‘Sorry!’

Spencer is sitting in a conference room of the police station in Maryland. He didn’t know it but he was only two blocks away from the office you worked. He never usually cared to check his phone while working — nothing could be as important as the case.

Until you, until now.

He found himself hanging out to feel the buzz in his pocket, he found himself checking his phone just in case maybe he missed the message. Just in case you did message.

He also checked his email a lot.

“Whats up with boy wonder?” Derek asked as he spun a chair to sit on it backwards, resting his arms on the back of the chair as he looked around at the other team members. Spencer focus on anything other than the case.

“He gave mystery girl his number” Emily said, patting Spencers shoulder softly to get his attention as she walked past him, placing a coffee down in front of him. Spencer noticed how it was his normal order — despite the fact lately he had been getting your order, after he found out what it was. It made him feel a little bit closer to you.

“Oo, Okay lover boy.” Derek hummed approvingly, raising his eyebrow slightly as he looked down at the boy. Spencer sighed as he let back in his chair, tossing his phone on the table as he checked to get no message. “Nothing yet?” Emily asked, knowing Spencer had been stressing since he sent the email on the jet, nearly two hours ago.

He didn’t know it hadn’t even delivered until a few minutes ago.

“Shes probably just busy” Spencer muttered as he checked his watch for the time. 5:33pm, you’d be at work.

Derek shared a look with Emily, both with teasing smiles on their faces. They had watched Spencer obsess over the girl for the past 6 months, even after he tried to hide it for the first few. He did a horrid job, they all noticed him smiling at his computer and typing away more often than ever, they noticed his focus slight adverted. It took a bit but they eventually got it out of him when you didn’t email him back for a week and he was going insane with worry that maybe you were ghosting him, or that you were hurt.

He confided in his team, you emailed him a few days later saying your wifi went down and none of your emails were going through. He was instantly relieved.

His phone buzzed on the table, 5:35pm. His hand instantly reached out for his phone. His eyes widened and his lip twitched upwards as he read the message that lit his screen.

“And lover boy is in” Derek whispered to Emily, loud enough that Spencer could hear that only ended up in Spencer sending him a glare, before typing out a reply and sending it, asking to call you tonight when he got finished.

“Alright, We got a lead” Hotch said entering the room.

You leant against the back of your head board, your hair wet and dripping down the back of your neck as you waited nervously for call to ring through your phone. You were almost terrified of what the conversation might hold. You were glad you were calling before you agreed or disagreed to meeting him, you could feel out whether or not it might be awkward or not.

You almost jumped out of your skin as your phone started ringing, anxiety pooled in your stomach as your skin flushed hot, causing the drops of water on the back of your neck feel as if it was burning the skin. You reached out for your phone that rested on your bed side table, answering the call.

“Hi.” You muttered out a breath of air. You couldn’t even help but smile as the realisation dawned on you. You were talking to Spencer. Finally, actually talking to him.

You heard a harsh breath on the other side of the phone before some shuffling. “Hold on” He mumbled out, you stomach fluttered at his voice as your teeth sunk into your bottom lip as you bit back a smile.

“Okay.” You said, you heard some more shuffling before the sound of a door closing, then a creek. And then a breath.

“Hi” He settled on, you sat up a bit, crossing your legs as his word came out almost breathy and nervous. It made your chest thump against your ribcage so much it ached. “Sorry— I should’ve waited till I was in my hotel room to call, I was excited— Sorry” He said.

You could hear the nerves in his voice and all it did was make your cheeks beat a rosy hue. “It’s okay. I was nervous” You admit softly, you try to hide the slight embarrassment in your voice but it fails you as your words come out small.

You hear him chuckle. You think the sound genuinely makes your mind fall empty of any coherent thoughts. “You don’t have to be nervous” He spoke so softly as if his words were an exhale he had been holding in.

“But I am” You muttered.

“Me too.” He said honestly. You found comfort in the fact he cared enough about this interaction to be nervous about it. You went to run your hand through your hair but paused with you felt the coldness — it was still very wet from your shower.

“Good” You sighed out, voice almost a whisper. You didn’t know why you were speaking so quietly, there was no one else in your house. There was no reason to be as quiet as you were.

“Is good that I’m nervous?” Spencer asked, you could hear the teasing in his voice. It made your head spin and the words get caught as you shook your head, before remembering he couldn’t see you.

“Yes- No- no. No.” You muttered out, “Its uh- Its not good that your nervous— I- Its just good that you care” You scrambled out, stuttering over your words as you grew flustered. It made you want to turn into your pillow and scream.

You heard him laugh, making your face screw up. “Shut up.” You muttered out as it didn’t take a genius to figure out he was laughing at you scrambling over your words, your free hand came up to cover your face as your cheeks felt on fire.

“No- Im sorry. Im sorry. Of course I care, you know I care” He said softly as he collected his laughter, his voice dripping honesty for a moment as he spoke genuinely in a way that made your knees feel weak — Thank god you weren’t standing. You were silent for a moment as a smile dawned on your face.

“Tell me about your day.” He requested gently. You heard some more shuffling you could only assume he was getting comfortable in bed. You pictured it and it made your stomach burn with longing. Wishing it wasn’t just an image in your head.

And you did, you told him about your day and he told you about yours; the conversation flowed simply and sweetly from then on. He teased you whenever you stuttered over your words, you could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke.

You and him spoke until your voice was quiet and drowsy with sleep, until your eyes were fluttering shut and you went unresponsive for a moment before he asked if you were asleep and you would wake up to the sound of his voice, muttering out a no, to which he would chuckle, and tell you to go to sleep.

When you fell asleep, he waited ten minutes to make sure you were really asleep before hanging up. His heart full as he fell asleep smiling.

Sorry I fell asleep. If i didn’t throw you off completely and you still want to see me, im free any day after 6, when i finish work.

Spencer smiled at the message. The acceptance. You were accepting meeting him, seeing him. He couldn’t fathom the idea of anything you doing ever throwing him off. You had wiggled your way into his chest months ago, and you stayed consuming every part of him everyday since. He didn’t see that changing any day soon, or ever.

He sent you an address to a bar Derek suggested the team going to after work. He didn’t know if maybe it was too forward, or might be awkward with his team there, but at least if it didn’t go well there was people around.

He closed his phone as he waited for your reply, his mind replaying the conversation he had with you last night, how sweet you sounded, how your laugh made his heart clench, how whenever you said his name or spoke a little louder he felt light headed, unable to focus on anything but you.

There was anxiety in his stomach when he realised the two of you never quite talked about what it all meant. What the months of conversation back and forth was. He realised he didn’t know what you wanted. What you expected.

Maybe you just saw him as a friend, maybe to you the conversation is nothing more than friendly. Honestly, if that was the case Spencer didn’t think he would be able to deny you of that. He would do anything to keep you in his life, even if it caused a slight ache in his chest. He had told you things he couldn’t imagine telling anyone else, he trusted you in a way he didn’t know possible, and it may be stupid, maybe naive, but Spencer didn’t care.

The way he felt for you took over any ounce of doubt in his mind, it overtook the insecurity welling in his mind, that maybe you wouldn’t like him, not the way he liked you.

He had never felt so much for a person. He had never felt so much point blank. He could hardly fathom you feeling for him near the amount he felt for you.

Your hands traveled over your jeans softly as your palms grew sweaty as you stepped inside the bar. Thanking the guy you held it open for you as he walked out. You were instantly overwhelmed by the amount of people, the music playing and the people chatting. You probably should have gotten changed first instead of coming straight after work but you were too nervous and didn’t want to give yourself time to dwindle in your insecurities then chicken out.

You manoeuvred your way through the people, quiet apologies leaving your lips as you looked around for Spencer, or anyone who looks like they might be an FBI agent.

What does an FBI agent look like? you thought, as you let out a sigh, finally getting out of the crowd of people as you got to the back of the bar, a lot more free of space. A few people around, standing at tables. You skimmed over for a moment as you tried to catch any glimpse of the boy that you could.

You heard your name, making you spin on your heels. You saw a dark haired girl smiling at you. Well that isn’t spencer.

“Yes?” You said, smiling at her as you tried to hide the anxiety building in your veins. Your hand coming to push hair off your face softly as you try to focus on the girl in front of you. She grins widely, “Spencer is over there, you looked like you were looking for someone…” She said, my smile instantly widened as you looked over to where she nudged her head.

your breath got caught in your throat as your eyes settled on him, the photo didn’t do him justice in any way. His hair was messy and slightly grown out, he was engrossed in a conversation with who you could only assume was Derek Morgan, who Spencer had told you about. His tie was crooked in his suit as he lifted his arm to sip the drink in his hand.

you tear my eyes away as you look at the lady who is smiling at you. “Happy with that?” She asks. It takes you a moment to recognise her as Emily, whom Spencer had also told you about. You can hardly put it into words how your chest feels like its gonna explode as your heart thumps.

“He is gorgeous.” You breathe out, shaking your head as words fail you, your eyes trail back to him for a moment to see him laughing, you see his head turn towards the door, as if he is waiting for you to walk through them.

Emily smiles, patting your shoulder softly, “Cmon Mystery girl” She said, you pay little attention to the nickname as she encourages you to walk towards the table with her. Your legs feel like Jelly with every step that you take, your stomach twisting in the familiar feeling of anxiety.

When she pauses at the table your breath hitches. “Oi Reid” She mutters, both he and Derek turns their head towards her, “Look who I found” She says softly, hand brushing over your shoulder.

Spencers eyes skip over to yours and you watch an emotion pull his features. An emotion you can’t quite place and it makes your stomach ache at the uncertainty, insecurity creeping up the back of your neck.

“Hi” You breathe out as you look at him. Theres a moment of silence before he is pushing away from the table and walking around to you. His arms around you the moment you are in reach and it makes your muscles tense slightly before relaxing completely in his hold as you wrap your arms around his neck, hugging him back.

Emily and Derek watch in amusement for a moment, smiling when they see the look on Spencer’s face. The one you couldn’t place the one they knew all too well.

He was in love.

He was in love before seeing you, he knew that but watching you stand there grinning at him made him all the more sure about it. His hand rested on your waist as he pulled back from the hug to look at your face.

“Hi” He whispered back.

You chewed at your lip at you bit back the wide smile that tried to force its way into your features. His hand traveled up to your face before he could stop it hand cupping your face gently.

You eased, leaning into his touch the warmth of his hand feeling gentle against the soft skin of your cheek. “Y-You- I- Hi.” He stuttered this time.

You grinned, “Cat got your tongue?” You ask, teasing him like he would every-time you stuttered over the phone. He just grins in response.

“No. You’re beautiful” He said, eyes dancing over your face, he looked at you like he was trying to memories every little detail. Your stomach tightens and your knees felt weak as the compliment left his mouth. You had been told that before, but it felt different coming from him. He said it with honesty and sincerity.

“So are you” You said back before hugging him tightly again. He didn’t complain at all, instead his arms fell tightly around your waist as he held you against him, as if he was scared that if he let go you would disappear.

The night went on, you stayed by spencer’s side, his hand on yours or around your shoulder gently as if he couldn’t get enough of the feeling of you being next to him. You never complained — you took it all as a compliment and leant into his touch.

“Are you cold?” Spencer asked as you and him walked outside of the bar, hand in hand. he noticed the way you shivered as the cold hair hit the skin of your bare arms. You turn your head to look up at him, the look in his eye enough to make your chest clench around the fat of your heart.

“A little” You admit. It was nothing you couldn’t handle, but spencer was instantly pulling off his suit jacket for you, slugging it gently over your shoulders as the two of you walked down the street. You paused in your steps as you looked up at him.

“Thank you.” You say.

“Its okay- I don’t want you to be cold” He said softly. You couldn’t help but smile at his kindness, but you shook your head. “For that too— But I meant, for asking to see me. Thank you for thinking of me when you heard about where the case was — for talking to me everyday. Thank you for being my best friend Spence” You said softly as you lean against your car as you and him stop in front of it.

His lip twitches upwards into a smile as his hand drops yours instead resting softly on your lips. “I always think of you.” He admits, eyes on yours.

Your breath gets caught in the back of your throat. “Spencer.” You say softly.

He looks at you, really looks at you. He is seeing you. He is seeing every little thing you have told him over the last six months, every little detail about you there was to know, and all he could think about was he wanted more, he wanted to know you more.

“Yeah?” He says, his voice a whisper.

You feel anxiety pool in your stomach as the question lingers on the tip of your tongue. There was a pull towards him you couldn’t ignore, the same pull you felt when you received his email, six months, 2 weeks and 3 days ago. You’d count the hours but you figured that was more his style.

“You can say no, I want you to know that” You said, you wanted to make it perfectly clear that his response to this was completely up to him and you didn’t want to feel pressured. “Can I kiss you?” You ask.

His lips are on yours before you can even finish the question. One hand of his travelling to the small of your back to bring you in closer while the other tangles in your hair, cradling the back of your neck. Your hands instantly cup his face as you press your lips against him. Your lips together saying more than words ever could.

This, right here, him, right now.

It was everything and more.

[rollingsins]

all hers, epilogue

part i | part ii | part iii | part iv | part v | part vi | part vii | part viii | part ix | part x | part xi | part xii | part xiii | part xiv | part xv | part xvi | part xvii | part xviii | part xix | part xx | part xxi | part xxii | part xxiii | part xxiv | part xxv | part xxvi | epilogue

summary: Tara and YN try their hand at some healthier habits.

warnings: (+18), Tara is Ghostface, mention of violence. Smut.

word count: 5.3k

a/n: it's been a wild ride. thanks for all who have come along. all hers is over, but I will still be writing gf!tara drabbles in the same universe - maybe some college oneshots in the drabble files. Until then: enjoy the final chapter! :)) 

As the days turn into weeks and the weeks turn into months, slowly, the pain subsides.

Your normal? It’s potentially forever gone. It shouldn’t be a surprise, at this point.

Once you’d just been a teenage girl, crazily in love with another girl.

Who turned out to be a serial killer. Who’d somehow turned you into a killer.

Who’d made you cry, and laugh and love harder than you’d ever loved in your entire life.

In the grand scheme of things - the scar on your belly is probably the least of your worries.

But that doesn’t stop you toiling on it.

It always seems to be the way, doesn’t it? Worrying about the things that don’t really matter.

You worry nonetheless.

“It’s pretty,” Tara murmurs in comfort when you’re staring at yourself in the bathroom mirror, shirt lifted slightly, eyebrows pinched in dismay.

It’s not pretty.

It’s wiry and long and stems from the tip of your bellybutton down to your navel.

“It’s hideous.” You say, voice a little fraught.

It’s hideous and permanent.

You’ll never be able to wear a bikini again. You’ll never be able to take your shirt off again without being reminded of it.

Of her.

The woman who had tormented you for weeks.

The woman who you’d tormented for weeks. The woman whose son you’d taken from her. The woman who’d repaid you in mental scars to last a lifetime.

A belly scar to last a lifetime.

“It’s beautiful,” Tara says, pressing her lips to your shoulder, “It means you’re alive.”

She squeezes your hips, then lifts her own shirt.

“And it matches mine,” She says, eyes shimmering, “Matching knife wounds. Like soulmates.”

You snort.

Because of course Tara tries to make stab wounds romantic.

But to her credit - it works.

Your heart sings.

Soulmates.

Because that’s what you are.

“Who needs a wedding ring, right?” You say, biting your lip, insecurities suddenly fading.

Tara entwines your hands, lifts the back of your hand to her lips.

“You do,” Tara says, “And you’ll have one. Soon. I promise.”

You pull back.

“Not before-“

“College,” Tara says, rolling her eyes, “I know, babe.”

You press a lingering kiss to her cheek.

“I just don’t want to be one of those couples who rush into marriage and fall apart the moment they turn twenty-one.”

“That won’t be us,” Tara whines, and then she pouts, “Plenty of high school sweethearts get married right after high school.”

You groan.

“Tara, we talked about this already-“

“I know,” Tara says, voice hasty, “I’m just excited. I want you to be Mrs. Carpenter already.”

“Mrs Carpenter, huh?” You say, ignoring the fluttery rush that blooms through you at the thought, “And what if I want you to take my name?”

Tara cocks a brow and considers this.

“I don’t care, babe, I’ll change my name to garden gnome if you want, as long as I get to be your wife.” She says after a moment.

You smile. Squeeze her hand.

“You’d suit it,” You tease, “But Mrs and Mrs Carpenter has a nice ring to it.”

Tara tilts her head hopefully.

“So, maybe a high school wedding?” She asks, voice sly, “Mrs Carpenter would look good on your college application forms.”

You press a warm kiss to her lips.

“There’s no rush, babe,” You tell her, “And I need to save up. Get you a pretty ring.”

Tara squints.

“I’m proposing first,” She says immediately, “You promised, babe.”

You roll your eyes.

“Yes, you baby, I know.”

Tara tilts her head, seemingly satisfied.

You press a kiss to her lips. She’s cured your insecurity, for now.

But a new feeling gnaws at the bottom of your stomach.

Dread.

As you realize what comes next. You try to keep your voice light. Lighter than the heavy pit at the bottom of your stomach.

“Come on,” You say, trying and failing not to sound anxious, “It’s time for therapy.”

-

Dr Colmann is a five foot woman with long, flowing blonde hair and piercing blue eyes.

Her office is bland. Gray walls. Little decoration.

Like she wants your attention on her.

You’d met her first, a few weeks ago. Like a pterodactyl scouting out a potential nest for her baby.

Your situation is tricky - there’s only so much you can tell her.

And you’re no doctor - but even you know surely it’s impossible to diagnose an illness without knowing all the symptoms.

“I want to get something out of the way,” You’d said after a long moment, clearing your throat.

Dr Colmann had looked over at you, pen tilted and ready to write. With all the intimidation of a woman who was about to change your life.

“I’m aware my girlfriend is…” You had paused, trying to think of the right word, “A little… possessive.”

Dr Colmann said nothing.

“I know that, and that’s why we’re looking for help.” You’d bitten your lip, nervous, “And I’m also sure the first thing you’re going to tell me is to leave her. But that isn’t going to happen. I love her. And she loves me. We’re looking for coping methods. I want to help her feel secure. But I will not break up with her.”

Dr Colmann had just listened.

Her silence, if possible, made you all the more nervous.

“She’s not abusive or anything,” You’d clarified, hastily, “She doesn’t hurt me. She just gets… jealous.”

“And what does she do when she gets jealous?” She’d asked, finally breaking her silence.

“Um-“ You’d said, voice a little high. Memories flashed before you like nightmares and you’d been entirely grateful your thoughts couldn’t be seen.

“She lashes out. Not at me. At other people.”

Dr Colmann scribbled something in her notepad. Long, wiry, black inky marks.

You’d squinted, trying to make up the words, but she’d looked back at you before you’d had the chance.

“Do you have any examples?” Dr Colmann prompted.

You paused.

You had a fair few of those.

None of which you could disclose.

“Little things,” You said, “I used to play soccer. But I had to quit because Tara thought some of the girls might become interested in me.”

You chew your lip.

“And… I was just in the hospital. She got jealous of the nurse.”

“The nurse?”

“She tried to… give me a sponge bath and Tara freaked out.”

Dr Colman stared.

You swallowed. The words out loud somehow seemed even more ridiculous than they are.

“How did she freak out?” Dr Colmann asked.

“She tried to…” You swallowed again, “She didn’t want the nurse to touch me again. Not even to change my bandages.”

Dr Colmann pursed her lips.

“I told her that was stupid,” You’d said, hurriedly, “But when she gets like that, nothing can stop her. She calls it The Rage.”

Dr Colmann tilted her head.

“The Rage?”

You’d nodded.

“Yeah. It’s like… it’s like something takes over her. Like a demon or something. Something she can’t control.”

Dr Colmann had closed her notebook. She’d looked over at you, surveying. You’d blinked back, eyes wide, surely screaming help me, or something to that effect.

Then, she smiled.

“When can I meet her?”

-

You’re no less nervous the second time.

You greet Dr Colmann with a tight smile, draw Tara down into the seat next to you. Your knee bobs up and down, unable to quell the tide of anxiety rising deep within you.

Please, you think, a little desperate, please help her.

As Tara and Dr Colmann exchange pleasantries, you blink. Too many times.

Like you don’t know how this is going to go. The worst case scenario flashes before you: Dr Colmann in a body bag.

Tara in a jail cell.

You in a jail cell.

Never able to touch her, or hold her, or kiss her ever again.

You need therapy, the little voice in your head leers, judgmental, not being with Tara is worse than a woman dying?

“So, Tara,” Dr Colmann says, when you’re all seated. With all the cheeriness of someone who isn’t aware you’re imagining her as a corpse.

“Tell me about The Rage.”

An awkward silence settles over the three of you.

Tara shoots a hesitant look towards you.

You squeeze her hand and nod.

Then, she looks over to Dr Colmann.

“It’s an anger thing,” Tara mumbles, not looking her in the eye, “I’ve seen shrinks before, none of them can fix it.”

Dr Colmann tilts her head.

“And what did these other doctors do?” She asks, “Anger management classes? Medication?”

“Both,” Tara says, “Nothing ever worked.”

Dr Colmann hums.

“I’ve read through your file, Tara,” She says gently, “Fourteen different therapists across the state. That’s a lot of doctors. Especially for such a young girl.”

Tara assesses her. Her face is tight, guarded. Like she’s not sure if she can quite trust her.

Dr Colmann scribbles something in her notepad.

“Lots of kids have problems with anger,” Says Dr Colmann, “But anger is just a symptom, like any other emotion. From what YN has told me, anger isn’t the problem. Sharing is the problem.”

Tara frowns.

“Plenty of children have issues with sharing,” Dr Colmann continues, “Usually, it’s the parents who stamp it out. But not always. I see in your file your sister used to bear the brunt of most of these anger issues.”

Tara folds her arms.

“Not always,” She says.

“But most of the time,” Says Dr Colmann, pointedly. She squints, reading through her notes, “It says here you attacked your sister when you were four years old because she tried to play with one of your Barbie dolls. Then again, later that week for taking a bigger slice of pie.”

“Four year olds are allowed to have boundaries, aren’t they?” Says Tara, defensively, “That Barbie was mine.”

“And YN? She’s yours too?” Asks Dr Colmann, evenly.

Tara blinks.

“She’s my girlfriend.” Tara says, diplomatically. The question is a trap, one she’s determined to avoid.

Dr Colmann tilts her head.

“And you don’t like when other people play with her? Is that right?”

Anger flickers through Tara’s features. You bite your lip, and squeeze her hand. Try to keep her grounded.

“I suppose not.” Says Tara, voice tight.

“YN told me about the nurse,” Dr Colmann says, “And the soccer team. You made her quit? Why?”

Tara looks over to you, a little helpless.

“I didn’t make her quit,” She says, slowly, like she’s being very careful with her words, “I just… suggested it. Strongly.”

Dr Colmann makes a noise of dissatisfaction.

Then returns to madly scribbling on her notepad.

Tara frowns again, looking self-conscious.

Dr Colmann looks up.

“And what if someone on the soccer team had been interested?” Dr Colmann asks, “What would you have done?”

You avert your gaze.

Kill them, is the answer.

It’s already happened.

More than once.

Tara shifts.

“I wouldn’t like it.” Tara says.

“No reasonable person would like that, Tara,” Dr Colmann prods, gently, “But what would you do?”

“I don’t know,” Says Tara, sounding aggravated, “Not let her see them anymore.”

“And do you think that’s an appropriate request?” Dr Colmann asks, “Do you really think you should have control over who your girlfriend associates with?”

Tara narrows her eyes.

“YN would do it for me,” She says, “We’re in a relationship. Relationships are about compromise.”

“That isn’t compromise, Tara,” Dr Colmann says, gently, “That’s you demanding she do something and her complying. Do you not trust her?”

Tara blinks.

She looks over to you, then back to Dr Colmann.

“Of course I do,” She says, voice soft, “It’s other people I don’t trust.”

“And what do you think these other people are going to do?” Dr Colmann asks.

“I don’t know.” Tara says, voice small, as if she’s never really thought that far ahead.

She looks like a little lost puppy. You want to wrap her in your arms and tell her you’ll never talk to anybody else again if that’s what she wants.

You resist.

Healthy wife, happy life, is what you tell yourself instead.

Dr Colmann’s face washes with sympathy.

“Jealousy is pointless, Tara,” Dr Colmann says, voice gentle, “Worrying is pointless. If YN is going to cheat on you, she’ll cheat on you. If she’s going to leave you, she’ll leave you. There’s nothing you - or The Rage can do about it.”

Tara blinks.

“I-“ She says, as if Dr Colmann has just spit in her face “What?”

Dr Colmann sits forward in her seat. Her notebook discarded.

“What you need to do - is trust. Your girlfriend loves you. Clearly. She wouldn’t be here with you if she didn’t.”

Tara frowns.

“You’re afraid of losing her,” Dr Colman says, eyebrows knit, as if Tara is a particularly difficult puzzle she can’t quite get her head around, “But why? We’ve already established she loves you. She wouldn’t be here with you if she didn’t.”

Tara blinks. You soothe a finger across the back of her hand. Resist the urge to press a kiss to her pretty forehead.

You let the doctor do the work.

“Have other people you loved left you, Tara?” Dr Colmann prods, gently.

Tara’s shoulders tense.

Dr Colmann waits a moment.

“Who?” She asks, "Your Mom? Your Dad?”

“Both.” Tara says, voice small, “They both left me.”

Your heart aches.

If you could - you’d sucker punch the two of them right now.

It isn’t an option. Instead - you grip her hand tight, offer her a small smile of encouragement as she speaks.

Tara swallows.

“My Dad tried to fix me,” Tara says, “For years. I was an angry kid. They could never figure out what was wrong with me. Eventually he just… gave up. He walked out on me and My Mom and my sister. Left us, just like that.”

“That must have been very traumatic,” Says Dr Colmann, “How old were you?”

“Thirteen.” Says Tara, “My Mom never left. I mean, she did. She threw herself into work to cope with my Dad leaving. She started going on these long business trips. But she never officially left.”

Dr Colmann offers her a small smile, “And that’s why you get so jealous, is it Tara? You’re afraid YN will leave you? Like your Mom? Like your Dad?”

Tara hesitates.

She looks down at her hands.

“Yes.” She says, after a long moment.

“Baby,” You say, voice hushed. Tara squeezes your fingers.

Dr Colmann hums.

“That makes a lot of sense, Tara,” She says, her voice kind, “That gives us something to work with.”

She closes her notepad, offers the two of you a reassuring smile.

“Your anger - we can work through that. We can figure out some coping methods. But the main problem here isn’t anger, Tara. It’s trust. I know you said you trust YN but you’re still scared. Deep down you’re scared she’ll abandon you, just like your parents did. We need to work through that.”

“Is it something we can fix?” You ask, a tad desperate.

You’d lost count of the amount of times you’d promised Tara you’d never leave her.

And each time it seemed to fall on deaf ears the moment The Rage was invoked.

“We can try,” Dr Colmann says, “I can try. And it’ll take some hard work. But Tara, it’ll only work if you’re open to it. If you’re open to changing. Is that something you can do?”

Tara thinks for a moment.

And then she nods.

“Yeah,” She says, “I want to do it. I want to be different. For you, babe,”

She squeezes your hand. Thinks hard.

“And for me too."

-

You’re silent the entire way home.

Tara too.

She grips your hand so hard you think it might fall off at one point. It’s only when she pulls into the driveway, she speaks.

“I didn’t scare you off, did I?” She asks, chewing her lip as she looks over at you, “With all my… problems.”

“Never, baby,” You say immediately.

You lean over to kiss her cheek. She relaxes.

“I’m going to need a lot of therapy, aren’t I?” She says, sounding worried.

You press another warm kiss to her cheek.

“I’ll be with you the whole way,” You assure, “I'm not going anywhere, Tara.”

You hesitate.

“You know I’m not like your Dad, right?” You say, “Or your Mom. I’m not going to leave you.”

Tara offers you a small smile.

“I know, babe,” She says, “At least in theory, I know.”

You press a kiss to her lips.

“I guess I’ll just have to remind you then,” you say, “Everyday. I love you. You’re stuck with me. I’ll say it until you believe me in theory and in practice.”

Tara rests her forehead against yours.

“Okay,” She says, “And keep saying it after that, okay babe?”

You kiss her.

“Deal.”

-

Your Mom’s still in the hospital.

Her leg had been amputated after the attack, and the procedure hadn’t been easy on her or your Dad. She’d come home after two weeks and then been admitted once more when the wound became infected.

“Are you feeling okay?” You ask her now, chewing your lip, phone pressed to your ear.

Tara finishes up the dishes, setting down the washcloth to nestle in beside you, squeezing your hip comfortingly.

“I’m okay, sweetheart,” She says, “Will you come and visit tomorrow?”

“I’ll be there,” You promise, “Sam is going to pick us up after school.”

“And everything’s alright at the house?” Enquires your Mom.

You were staying at Tara’s place until your parents came back home, a decision that was quickly agreed on, for once.

“Everything’s fine, Mom,” You assure, “Sam’s working now, but she’ll be home in a couple of hours.”

Your Mom hums.

“And Tara’s there with you, isn’t she?” She asks, sounding a little worried, “You’re not alone?”

“Tara’s here,” You say and Tara kisses the back of your neck, “You don’t have to worry, Mom.”

“Is that Tara?” Asks your Dad through the phone, a little gruff, “Can I speak with her?’

“Dad wants to speak to Tara, YN, bye for now,” Says your Mom, “See you tomorrow.”

You barely get out the goodbye before you hear your Dad’s voice once more.

“Tara?” He asks.

“It’s me Dad,” You say, and he makes a noise of vague disappointment.

You roll your eyes.

“We’re fine, thanks for asking.” You say.

“Yes, yes, I heard you speak with Mom,” He assures, “Put Tara on the phone.”

You hand off the phone to your girlfriend and pry yourself out of her grip, busying yourself with playing the leftovers into their containers.

“Hello, Sir,” Says Tara, the way you might speak to the President.

She bobs her head, eyebrows knitting.

“Yes, I did see the 49ers play.”

You huff.

Tara averts her gaze.

“Yes, I did think they played like a bunch of seven year old girls.”

You roll your eyes once more.

Tara’s newfound friendship with your Dad is better than the alternative, at least. You’d lived the alternative.

It hadn’t been much fun.

“We’re okay,” Tara promises, suddenly, “I have every door locked down, alarms set and cameras operating.”

Your Dad murmurs something down the line you can’t hear.

Tara smiles, and then reaches for your hand.

“I’m not letting her out of my sight, Sir, you don’t have to worry,” She says, “I won’t let anyone hurt her. I promise.”

She hangs up not long after.

You should be used to it by now, the flutter in the pit of your stomach every time she gets protective, or calls you hers, but you’re not.

Butterflies cascade through your belly, branching out to the tips of your fingertips where they settle. You curl in around Tara and press your lips to her neck.

She smells good. No perfume, just the tinge of her skin and her coconut body wash.

You squeeze her hips and nip your teeth against the nape of her neck.

“Oh.” Tara sighs as you slip your fingers into the waistband of your jeans. She leans back into your touch, titling your head to capture your lips.

“Really?” She asks, a little excited.

You laugh.

You’d not had sex in a few weeks, hardly in the mood. Your wound aches most days, and the rest are spent really remarkably unsexy, despite Tara’s constant reassurance you’re the most beautiful girl in the world.

She turns in your arms, pressing another kiss to your lips.

“Sam won’t be home for hours,” You murmur against her lips, “Just you and me. The way it should be.”

“Your stomach doesn’t hurt?” She asks, a little soft. Her eyes swim with concern, “We can just watch a movie, if you want?”

You shake your head.

She looks good. Her dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. No makeup, her spill of freckles poignant, her pretty lips pouty and red and kissable.

“I want you, baby,” You murmur, nuzzling your nose to the side of her face, “Do you want me too?”

You don’t have to wait long for a response.

She presses a searing kiss to your lips.

“Do you even have to ask?” She says, biting her lip.

“No,” You smile, “But I want to hear you say it anyway.”

“I want you,” She says, immediately. She’s excited again, you can tell by the way her eyes flicker, “I want you all the time.”

“Come take me then,” You murmur against her mouth.

She doesn’t have to be told twice.

She leads you up the staircase, walking backwards. Her mouth fused to yours, her careful hands roaming every span of skin she can get her hands on.

She helps you onto the bed, far gentler than her usual gig of wild hands and wild lips. Instead, this time she touches you as if you might shatter into a thousand pieces.

You make an annoyed murmur as she pulls your jeans down your legs. It feels like an age, the way she softly untangles the button and the zipper. Her touch is light, so un-Tara.

When she finally pulls your legs from your jeans, you almost cry out of frustration.

“Babe, I’m not going to break.” You tell her, but it falls on deaf ears.

She’s pressing her lips to your thigh, tiny, gentle touches as she pulls your underwear down your legs at a pain-stakingly slow pace.

“Don’t rush me, babe,” She says as you reach down to help her, “And lie back. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I feel fine,” You say, tilting up to meet her kiss, “Please hurt me.”

Tara huffs, drawing back slightly.

“It’s not fair to say things like that when you know I can’t.” She pouts, “The things I want to do to you will almost certainly rip your stitches.”

Arousal coils deep in your belly.

Then annoyance.

“Now who's not being fair?” It’s your turn to pout.

Tara nudges her lips to your neck.

“I’m going to make love to you, baby-girl,” She promises, her eyes dark, “That’s more than fair.”

You tilt your head up and press a lingering kiss to her lips.

“Besides. If I rip your stitches I think your Dad will have something to say.”

You wrinkle your nose.

“Let’s not talk about my Dad when we’re getting naked, babe,” You suggest.

She hums in agreement.

And then you reach for her shirt.

“Off.”

If she’s going to spend the entire evening getting your underwear down your legs, the least she can do is give you something to look at, you reason.

Your touch is impatient.

You pry off her jeans like there’s a time limit. Strip her of her shirt and her bra until she’s hovering naked above you, making your mouth water.

And suddenly, what little patience you had left is gone.

You rise up, starling her.

“Babe-“ She protests, but you can’t be reasoned with.

You tilt her around, until she’s lying back on the mattress, nudging her bare legs apart with your thighs.

“Too slow, my turn.” You murmur.

Your lips are hungry.

You kiss her, fierce, groaning slightly as your hands get to work. They work down the curve of her hips, to her thighs. You squeeze her, a little rough, and then move your hands to take her nipples between your fingers.

She gasps, her hips involuntarily jerking up towards yours. You detangle yourself from her lips, leaning down to press hot kisses against her neck.

She threads her fingers through your hair, tugging, tugging, as she moves against you. She’s still holding back, being careful not to touch your stomach.

You can tell by the way she’s groaning it’s hard for her.

And so you make it easy.

Your lips move down from her neck to her breasts. You circle each nipple once, then twice, before you’re taking her in your mouth, curling your arms around each of her thighs.

“Baby,” Tara murmurs, “Baby, your stomach-“

You release her nipple with a wet pop and a frown.

“I’m fine, babe.” You say, and it’s true.

It aches, slightly, but it always does nowadays. No matter what you’re doing.

And if it’s her you’re doing, at least the ache is dampened by the forest fire of arousal surging through your veins.

You return to your pilgrimage down her body.

Your lips graze her belly-button, your tongue slips down over the jut of her hips to the crest of her thighs.

She sighs, seemingly satisfied as you slip down further. Moving your body to settle nicely in between her legs.

Then, she tilts her head up, biting her lip.

Her eyes are hesitant, though encompassed with want.

“Tell me if it hurts,” She says, “Tell me and we can stop. Or…re-adjust.”

You nod, impatient.

“Alright babe, I will,” You say, raising an eyebrow, “Can I go down on you now?”

Her cheeks flush red with arousal.

“Please.” She whispers.

She’s beautiful, as ever.

You press your lips against the soft skin of her inner thighs, grazing your lips just gently. You use your tongue to work your way inwards.

Your breath catches in your throat the moment you taste her. Wet, syrupy, bittersweet goodness.

You lick it up, greedy for more. You press your lips to her folds, use your hands to spread her open for you. You lose control of your tongue.

One minute you’re ready to tease, the next, you’ve worked yourself up too much.

Your tongue moves hot across her folds and then down to her entrance. Your top lip brushes her clit and she sings.

A low moan that vibrates through the room.

A moan that indicates it’s been far too long since you’ve touched her like this.

You apologize with your mouth.

Low strokes of your tongue at her entrance. The quiet murmur of your own moan as your tongue moves up to circle her clit.

Lazy, slow, movements.

Then fast.

Like you’re changing your own mind too quickly.

You settle for writing words with your tongue.

babygirl, is what you spell out against her clit.

Your name. Her name. You connect them with a heart.

And then: mine.

Tara lets out a quiet moan as you take her clit between your lips. Sucking gently until her thighs are gripping like iron bars around the side of your head and her nails against your scalp bruise.

You give up on using the alphabet.

You slip two fingers inside her, sighing as she encases you. She’s tight and wet and begging for more.

You give it to her.

Curl your fingers up in just the right way. Lap your tongue over her clit just the way she likes.

And then she’s gasping as she tightens around you. She cries your name in a breathy moan as she cums hard around your fingers and mouth.

It’s always over too quickly, you think briefly as you reluctantly slip out of her. You need to learn patience. You need to learn how to tease.

But there’s something about her, and you don’t know how she does it. You just have to give her what she wants.

She lets out a happy sigh as you climb up her body and press your lips to her forehead.

She’s still a moment, but you know better. She recovers quickly.

In less than a minute she’s shifting.

You groan as your back hits the mattress.

Her hands slip down to your thighs, gripping you like she has an agenda. And she does. You know it by heart.

First, the gentle touch of her lips against your neck.

Then she’s sliding your underwear down your legs.

She kisses your lips, slips her tongue into your mouth for only a moment. And then she’s trailing kisses down your body.

Your chest. Your breasts.

She pays special attention to your nipples. Her eyes locking with yours as she sucks, ever so gently.

Your body feels hot.

You grip her face, holding her in place.

And then she’s nudging out of your grip, dipping down to press her lips to your navel.

She doesn’t kiss your scar, but you can tell she wants to.

She looks up at you, eyes wide and vulnerable as she squeezes your hips.

“You’re beautiful.” She murmurs. She ducks down and presses a kiss to the top of your inner thigh, “You’re perfect. My perfect girl.”

“Tara,” You say, voice a little gravelly, “Baby, please.”

She doesn’t make you wait.

One moment she’s pressing her lips to your thigh. The next, she’s dipping down between your legs. You lean back onto the pillows with a sigh.

Her lips graze.

She kisses your inner thigh.

Drags her tongue over your entrance and you gasp.

Then, her lips are on your clit.

You moan as she snakes a hand around your waist. The other slips between your legs. She teases for only a moment before she’s slipping her fingers inside you. You gasp at the sudden intrusion.

It’s not as though you’re not ready for it.

You’re so wet you’d give her a snorkel if she wasn’t such an experienced sailor.

But she rides your high seas like it’s her full time job.

Lips on your clit, fingers working in and out. She squeezes your hip with her free hand. Her talented mouth is like fire. Dancing around just where you need it most.

You close your eyes and let out a low moan.

She’s being careful.

Gentle.

Loving you like she doesn’t want to hurt you.

You take back the impatience. You take back the need for more, more, more.

Your sweet, loving girlfriend is all you need.

Gentle mouth. Careful tongue.

Her between your legs, working you into oblivion like sex is just a vehicle to express how deeply she loves you.

“Tara.”

You cum with her name on your lips. Her mouth fused around your lips. You cum feeling safe and wanted and needed.

And when she’s done, she climbs back up your body and presses the softest kiss to your lips.

Nestles herself with her head in your chest. Right next to your heartbeat.

Where she should be.

You close your eyes once more.

Thread your fingers through her hair. Press the softest of kisses to her forehead.

And then she looks up at you, her pretty brown eyes shimmering.

“Love you.” She murmurs. She punctuates her words with a kiss.

Your chest is heaving. You allow yourself the moment. Body thrumming with your orgasm, the love of your life pressed tight to your side.

Tara curls into you. She waits a moment, then looks over at you,

“I’m going to be better for you,” She murmurs, “I’ve put you through hell, baby, and I know that. But it all ends now.”

You frown.

“I’m in heaven with you, no matter what you’ve done,” You say, after a quiet moment, “After what we’ve both done. Right or wrong, I love you. And you love me. And that’s all that matters.”

Tara tilts her head to yours.

She takes your lips in a long, searing kiss.

She says what she can’t with words.

You say it too.

And when you pull back, you know she understands.

She’s yours.

And you are undeniably, irrefutably, entirely:

All hers. 

[sailoryooons]

hiiii :3 i’m a VERY silent reader (i’m terrified of my irls finding me on this god forsaken app) but i just love your writings so much so i had to participate in the agust event!!!!

childhood bffs yoongi x reader smut where they’re definitely probably too close, way closer than bffs should be anyways. reader goes to yoongi one night complaining bc no matter what she does, she just can’t cum! good thing yoongi’s actions speak louder than words <3

pls pls pls get totally creative w this, i love ur brain sm and i love seeing what you come up with!!!

❀ Pairing: Yoongi x f. reader

❀ Summary: Yoongi has always been your closest friend, but it’s always been a little closer than everyone else. He takes it one step further, offering to address a silly little problem for you. 

❀ Word Count: 2,320

❀ Genre: Friends to something more, PWP 

❀ Rating: 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging and reading this content. It contains explicit content and any minors discovered reading or engaging with this work will be blocked immediately. 

❀ Warnings: Explicit language, some feelings of insecurity but like barely, talking about orgasm struggles, explicit sexual content including vaginal fingering, nipple stimulation, a hint of choking, a lot of sucking on neck/throat, nipple play, mostly reader getting finger blasted sdfnodsifgj, reader is completely naked and Yoongi is still clothed, mentions of oral (f. receiving), a little bit of cum eating

❀ Published: August 23, 2022

❀ A/N: Okay so this was supposed to be posted way earlier than 10:30 PM EST but I completely forgot I had this sitting and waiting to post (it was a long day) but HERE IT IS!!! I love the idea of Yoongi casually just being like yeah I’ll get you to come or whatever, let’s do it sdfjdfogijdfrgi thank you so much for being a reader and requesting something - silent or talkative reader, I'm just happy you're here and that you enjoy my writing! Thank you for being here.

❀ Disclaimer: All members of BTS are faces and name claims for this story. This is entirely a work of fiction and by no means is meant to be a projection, judgment or representation of real-life people. Any scenarios or representations of the people and places mentioned in works are not representative of real-life scenarios.

| Masterlist | Ask | Hali’s Happy Agust |

“You what?” You ask Yoongi, breath shaky. “Don’t play around like that, it’s not very funny.”

It’s rare that you can’t tell if Yoongi is making a joke or not. Though his humor is quiet like the night sky outside and soft like the sweater he’s draped in, you know Yoongi. Know him well enough to detect the subtle notes of a joke in his hushed words, know to listen amid the loud voices of your friends for a quiet jest, spoken softly just for you. 

Now, though, you’re a little unsure. 

Everyone has said for years that your friendship with Yoongi is too friendly. You vehemently disagree: affection between friends should be encouraged and treasured. Being able to platonically hold hands, share beds, and offer physical affection isn’t something reserved for lovers. You adamantly believe in this - always have. 

But… it is different with Yoongi. You think about how you always hold Taehyung’s hand, how you let him curl into your side during movies, or how he nests in your bed when he grows too tired for parties. Taehyung is particularly affectionate, but it does feel different.

“Let me make you cum,” Yoongi repeats, as though he’s reflecting on the weather outside. He’s on his knees on the couch next to you, hands resting in his lap. “No one should have to go through their adult life without partners making them cum.”

You roll your eyes. “Plenty of people can’t cum for a number of reasons, Yoongi.”

“Okay, that’s fair. Let me try anyway.”

“Why do you care?”

He tilts his head. “Because you’re you. And I’m good at making people cum. It feels like an obvious answer.”

“We’re best friends.”

“My point exactly. Look, if I’ve made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry, I-”

You shake your head and wave him off. “No, I just. Didn’t expect the offer and it made me nervous.”

“Nervous how?”

Letting out a long exhale, you rest your head on the back of the couch and look up at the ceiling. Your warm mug of tea is abandoned and the drama on the TV plays on, silent in the background. You chew the inside of your cheek, wondering how to string your words together. 

With anyone else, you’d feel embarrassed or nervous. With Yoongi, your anxiety is significantly less. Even if you speak the words on your mind, you’re sure it won’t change things. You’ve been through your fair share of oversharing, never shamed, never turned away. 

It’s how you started this conversation about your sex life in the first place.

So you decide to be honest. 

“Nervous like, I’m into it and I want to try it out, but I don’t want it to make our dynamic weird.” 

“It’s not weird for me if it’s not weird for you. I’m sorry I offered so bluntly.” 

Your lips twitch and you reach out, taking his hand in yours. Yoongi has beautiful hands. Long fingers with knobby knuckles, blunt nails and gentle fingertips, calloused palms. You’ve mapped the structure of his palm hundreds of times, know the shapes of the lines on them, and watched a palm reader chart the stars on them. 

Yoongi’s hands are where you’re safest. 

“Don’t apologize, you didn’t violate a boundary.” His mouth is soft when he smiles, his eyes are dark when he watches you. He’s so pretty. A soft thing with round cheeks, kind eyes, and gentle smiles. Quiet. Confident. “You really wanna try?” 

Yoongi’s grin turns feral. “I do.” 

“Alright.”

It starts with him leading you to your room, hand holding yours gently. It starts with a shy smile and hungry eyes, Yoongi watching you as you sit on the edge of your bed, unsure and giving him a questioning gaze. His hands are confident when he makes you move backward, shuffling until you’re in the middle of your bed on your back. 

Yoongi joins you on the bed, kneeling next to you. He watches as he reaches out, brushing his fingertips over your thigh. His touch is featherlight, making you shiver. He doesn’t do anything but this at first, tracing the shape of your clothed hip, up the sides of your rips, under the curve of your breast. 

Your breath catches, fixated on Yoongi as he outlines your curves. His eyes flicker to your face, drinking in your expression when he draws his fingers over the swell of your tits and over your nipple. The stimulation is barely there but it spikes. You inhale sharply and he smirks as he keeps going, brushing over your throat, and under your jaw, feeling your pulse. 

“Pretty,” he murmurs. He takes you by the chin, thumb pulling at your bottom lip. “What do you like?” 

It’s hard to answer. Yoongi’s hand leaves your mouth and trails back down to your neck. He wraps his fingers around your throat but doesn’t squeeze. It’s a barely-there ghost of a grip and he raises his eyebrow. You nod, unable to string together an answer. He squeezes gently before continuing his exploration downward again.

Your tongue is heavy in your mouth. This Yoongi is one you’ve never experienced. He’s quiet as always, but the silence is heavier. Pointed. He bites his bottom lip a little as he passes your stomach and dips between your legs, pressing against your clothed cunt. 

“Yeah?” he asks when your hips twice. 

You feel heat lick through you, pooling between your legs. Your fingers twist in the sheets in anticipation. Heat pulses from your pussy, panties getting damp and Yoongi’s has barely touched you. It’s the way he looks at you, the way he presses his thumb against your swelling clit. 

“Yeah,” you breathe, voice watery. “I’m pretty into it.”

“I can tell,” he teases. He leans down, keeping one hand between your legs, gently applying pressure and circling his fingers as his lips search for yours. “You’re already wet, huh?”

Yoongi doesn’t let you answer. His lips capture yours and you sigh into his mouth, hands coming up automatically to wrap around his neck. It feels so natural. His hair is soft between your fingers and his mouth is warm, tasting faintly of the peppermint tea he drank earlier. 

Kissing Yoongi is heady. He controls the kiss, keeping the pace slow as if he’s savoring you. Your thighs close around his hand as he presses through your shorts harder. When he introduces his tongue to your mouth, it takes your breath away. 

Breaking the kiss, Yoongi mouths at your jaw. You arch into him, running your hands down his chest, feeling the warm skin beneath his sweater. One of your hands goes to his wrist pressed into the mattress by your head, holding onto him, the other goes to his hand between your legs, laying your fingers on his, pressing.

He hums, the buzz of his mouth against the underside of your jaw maddening. Together, you peel your shorts down your legs. Yoongi shuffles closer to you, your thigh pressed against his as he continues to kneel next to you, heat radiating from his body.

Yoongi traces the trim of your panties. You watch him, your mouth parted as you breathe unsteadily. He is solely focused on you. You can feel the slick sticking to the silk, watching as he drags a finger near your hip, his touch tantalizing. 

Maybe this is what you were missing. Yoongi takes his time, dragging out the feeling of his hands on you. Works you up as he removes your shirt and bra next. You feel drunk on him already, nipples pebbling in the cold room. His nails scratch lightly up your stomach to your chest. He smirks as he traces slow, lazy circles around your nipples, eyes glancing up to watch your expression. 

“Why?” you ask, hissing at the light stimulation. You want more. 

“No one is in a rush,” he mutters. His voice is low, raspy. “Are you?”

When you shake your head, he smiles, pinching a nipple between two fingers. A curse drips from your mouth and your hips buck. You close your eyes, letting Yoongi tweak one nipple then the other, letting him guide you through. The stimulation feels good - otherworldly, even, when he bends down and flicks the tip of his tongue over one playfully. 

“No,” you sigh. “Not in a rush.” 

His teeth scrape your sensitive bud and your head rolls back, pushing into the mattress. “Good. Relax, let me take care of you.”

Tension melts out of your body. You didn’t realize you were so tense until he pointed it out. You let yourself sink into the feeling of Yoongi sucking gently on the peak of your right nipple while his thumb brushes back and forth over the other. The stimulation feels good, your head lolling to the side as you breath shakily. 

Yoongi is slow. He takes his time running his tongue across your chest, air cooling is spit as he goes. You squeeze your thighs together, feeling your cunt throb for attention. He notices, nipping his way back up to your neck as he slides a hand down between your legs, pressing your panties into your sticky folds. 

“Fuck,” you sigh. He nuzzles your neck, tongue swipe over the sensitive spot of your throat. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this fucking wet.”

“Good.” His words are muffle as he sucks at your tender skin. You angle your head, giving him better access. It feels like the bed is spinning wildly, a compass lost in an electromagnetic field. “Tell me at any point if something doesn’t feel good or you want something else.”

“Okay.”

You open your eyes and smile. It’s so Yoongi to make sure he asks what you want. So Yoongi to remind you that he’s here for you. That as he slips his hand under the waistband of your underwear, he’s determined to provide for you. To get you off. 

A moan slips out of your mouth when it comes into contact with your dripping cunt. He avoids touching your clit directly, fingers spreading your folds as he teases your hole experimentally. It feels good - whether it’s because it’s Yoongi or because you’re already worked up, it doesn’t matter. 

Yoongi circles around your clit deftly a few times, making your hips wiggle. A tingle settles in your stomach, fingers twisting in the sheets.

When he retracts his hand, you open your eyes. He watches you steadily lifting his fingers to pop them between pink lips and oh. He hums around his fingers, making a show of rolling his tongue around them, tasting your juices. He slides them slowly out of his mouth, hypnotizing you. 

“Mmm.” He grins and reaches to slide your underwear off. “Can’t wait to eat you out. First, I’m gonna make you come.”

Never in your friendship would you have imagined Yoongi to be like this. It would be a lie to say you’d never thought what it might be like to have him like this, his hands peeling your underwear off. The scrap of the silk on your legs is heady, every part of your skin extra sensitive. 

Lips parts, eyes fixed, you watch him toss the underwear to the side. He shuffles so that one knee rests against his leg, the other spread flat on the mattress for him. There is a split second where you feel vulnerable, spread open for him to see how much of a mess you are at the barely stimulation. You start to close your leg but Yoongi shakes his head, hand brushing down your inner thigh.

Slowly, Yoongi drags a finger up your slit to your entrance, massaging lightly with his finger before sinking in slowly. You let out a long breath, your walls clenching around his finger. It doesn’t provide a lot of stretch, but it feels good, the pad of his pointer stroking your inner wall. 

At first, Yoongi is slow. Familiarizing himself with your warm, wet heat. He picks up the pace then, stroking deeply, ensuring to push up against that soft spot inside of you. It drives you crazy. Crazier, still, when he leans down and attaches his mouth to yours, tongues tangling as he fingers you leisurely. 

“Fuck,” Yoongi mutters against your mouth. “You’ve got a wet little cunt.”

“Not usually,” you admit. You card your fingers through his hair, pulling at the ends a little. Your entire body is radiating with heat, sweat slicking your skin. “Fuck, it feels good. Doesn’t usually.”

“No?” he sucks harshly at your jaw and your eyes flutter shut. 

“No. Usually they jack hammer their fingers into my pussy.”

His laugh is hot on your skin. “Nah, just gotta find the spot.” 

Yoongi has found the spot. Makes it ten times better when he adds another finger, giving you something more substantial to grip on. Your cunt grips his fingers like a vice, slick sounds filling the room. He adds his thumb to the mix, pressing down on your clit. You gasp his name, hips bucking against his hand, dripping into his palm.

“Fuck yeah,” he grunts. “Fuck yourself onto my hand the way you like.” 

Together, you work yourself up to the edge. Yoongi doesn’t pause for a moment, doesn’t complain that his wrist is tired, doesn’t stop tonguing your sensitive spot on your neck until you’re clinging to him, coming around his fingers in a wet, messy squelch. 

You shake as he thrusts his fingers a few more times, the slopping sound of his palms smacking your pussy intoxicating. You feel like liquid, blurry at the edges and warm. 

“Holy shit,” you sigh. Yoongi pulls his fingers from your hole and you immediately squirm, hating the empty feeling. “That was just from your fingers?”

“Uh huh.” You watch as he licks his fingers again, grinning around them. Your stomach flips, cunt still leaking, begging for more. “Now watch what happens when I eat this pussy.” 

[cheeseceli]

If skz wrote a song for their s/o

Pairing: ot8 skz × gn!reader (individually)

Description: Stray Kids write a song for their s/o, inspired by their actual songs and respective lyricists

Genre: Fluff and maybe a little bit of angst (couple fights, low self-esteem and fear of rejection are mentioned)

A/n: Kinda of unexpected of me to post something like that since I only write short scenarios but! i felt like doing something like this, hope you guys can enjoy

Chan - youtiful

You know whenever there is a chance I'll tell you that you are amazing as you are; Cause when you give me a glance I'm sure that I see the universe in your eyes

He knows how hard insecurities can get and he would hate to see you doubting yourself. He wrote this song with you in mind, hoping it would help you to feel more confident and see your worth.

Lee Know - Waiting For Us

Cause I'm right here waiting for us; At times I was afraid; I didn't think you'd ever come again; So I'll tighly hold your hand; No matter what moment comes; I won't let you go

He probably wrote this one after an argument and he is sure he never wants to fight with you ever again. You are the love of his life and he wants to be with you no matter what and no matter when. This would also be his comfort song whenever he was in tour and far away.

Changbin - Sorry, I Love You

I know I’ll regret, so I end this; I know I’ll regret, so I decide to express my feelings; I want to be more than just friends; I like you too much; Sorry that I like you so much, I'm sorry; I tried to hide my feelings but I guess it was too obvious

He wrote this right before he confessed. He was so sure you didn't like him back?? Up to him, he'd never say anything about his feelings 'cause he didn't want to ruin the friendship. But you are too beautiful to be just friends and he needed to tell you everything. Even though the scenario of the song is pessimistic, it encourages him to confess.

Hyunjin - Hoodie Season

Hey baby, I'll make you my lover ey; When you feel the winter wind in autumn; Ooh ah, ooh ah will you hug me warmly; Fallen leaves, like fallen leaves; We gon' fall in love

And they fell in a love in a spring autumn day. Even though this part of the lyrics talks directly to you, this song is not exactly about you, it's about what you make him feel. A hopeless romantic, he was born to love but he also expects to be loved and you make him feel this way. You are like the hoodie that protects him from the cold wind and makes him feel warm.

Han - MIXTAPE: OH

When my hands touch you; We take each other's breath away; At each other's gaze the feeling we've never felt before; This has no explanation; I know it's nothing ordinary; Makes me want more

This one would be written before you guys got into a relationship and he would be so confused. Did you want the same as him? That was just attraction or perhaps something more? This song was basically a brainstorming, trying to figure out the whole situation as it was something new to him.

Felix - WOW

You who's different, curious of you; Your vibe which has changed, curious of you; My feelings that I cannot name, mysterious of you; your gaze when you're staring at me; Let me say wow

He wrote this one in his delulu era i'm 100% sure. You would look at him for a second and he would be speechless. He would spend the whole day thinking about you and wondering if you felt the same, trying to read all the possible signs, even writing about it.

Seungmin - my universe

So close yet so far, your and my world; I will always find you till the end always; Even if I fall behind, I will follow you; My universe

He knows the idol life is hard to keep up with, but still you were there for him in all those hard moments and he is so, so grateful for that! If he believes in afterlife, he is sure he will find you in his next life. That's how it is: you guys are meant to be.

I.N - #LoveSTAY

I will never make you lonely; you'll always be beside me; Someday I'll get exhausted and cry; Fall down and feel pain again; it doesn't matter once again; I can endure it by looking at you; Cause I love you

Yes, it is about Stay. But I.N can't help but think about you in some verses. He considers himself so so lucky to have you: you were there in his worst moments and you made ordinary days become the best moments of his life. You are his medicine and he hopes he can be the same to you

[liasadventuretime]

˗ˏˋyou jealous ? :) ´ˎ˗ - neteyam x reader pt. 3

⁀➷  part three : CONGRATULATIONS, FUCKER.

notes : so um… hi ! since y’all really enjoyed pt. 2 i decided i might as well write a pt. 3… i have to say that it was kind of hard writing this part because i genuinely didn’t think people would’ve liked it that much and had no idea of what to say anymore ☠️ but anygays … i had a BIG ASS fight with my parents so they took my phone, and they’re probably going to take my mac away too so idk when i’ll upload pt. 4 ( if y’all want one ), so i tried to write a bit more this time, i hope it’s sufficient.

tags : @xoxobabe @marcswife21 @arminsgfloll @rubysworld96 @klarolinefanatic @giftfromthemoon @k4tsukiis @rainehatepage @neteyamsbbgfr @miapanticc @iixyia-deactivated20230123 @famousbagelhandspurse @astablacksword @ghoulfac3 @buttercake2234 @potseluymenya @mashiromochi @avatarslut0 @chanyeolsbeloved @regulus-black-223048 @isabelcor3 @grierpilots @neteyamsmate4life @beyoenisbalfart @severenswife @lady-in-gold @bealone-prm @hafutoru @jyoungmom @soxfix @thatgoodvibescloud @aalyara @abbersreads @neteyamsw @strawberryys-stuff @ilovestargirl @rubysworld96 @meivap @neteyamsullyswife @erenjaegerwifee @cherry-blossom34 @slutforavatar @hey-girl-hey @athenachu @laaalox @ghostjoohoney @tsamiaxo @arminsgfloll

warnings : a bit of angst, insecurity, overthinking neteyam lmao, detailed masturbation, this man is lusting waaaaaayyy too much over you lmao, a lil makeout session with someone 🤭, and i think that’s it lol.

everything was okay now. no really, everything’s okay.

after your talk with neteyam, he left you with more questions than answers once again.

your brain felt like a beehive, never stopping, so you tried to distract yourself with anything.

you trained, you read, you helped around, but not even spending time with ao’nung could help. you don’t think he noticed the way you pretended it was neteyam holding you, kissing you, spoiling you. but you gotta be careful.

you just had one single thought in your mind.

flashback

“you know we could argue right now, and no one would hear or see us ?”

“we could do anything right now, and nobody would see us. anything.”

your thoughts were interrupted by someone speaking.

you opened the tent only to see someone’s chest right in front of you, you tilted your head up and you saw him. neteyam.

your heart dropped to your stomach for a second, making you almost gasp. what was he doing here ? his hair was still in the same hairstyle you saw him in at the beach. he looked almost unreal.

face framed by a few braids, jaw locked making him look so nervous for some reason, his high cheekbones sharp as always, and even though you never told him, you wanted to feel his cheekbones so much, all the time. pointy nose with a little bump which you recognised immediately, it was jake’s. that bump was only on his nose, because all the other sons and daughters didn’t have it. he really is his father’s son. eyes still soulless, empty that almost looked dead. they were pointy, but not too much. he has that “sharp” look from neytiri, her stare could send you to heaven and above. his shoulders broad, not too muscly which is something you liked. his arms veiny and biceps always flexed, not even having to force it. his abs well sculpted, he was still wet, droplets of water running down his face and chest, he was probably swimming with lo’ak. or someone else.

you shook your head a bit, to get that thought off your head. it doesn’t matter, it really doesn’t. his v-line almost looks like it got highlighted and sharpened, which was the only thing you hated about the way your people dress.

his everything was for everyone to see. everyone.

you sometimes tend to forget he’s not offlimits, and to say you had nightmares, about someone else getting neteyam before you, was too little.

his voice snapping you out of your trance again, hoping he didn’t catch you quite literally analyzing his whole body, but the proud smile on his face immediately cleared all your doubts.

“your cigarettes.” he said getting in your face making fun of you. he handed you your pack of cigarettes. he didn’t give you the lighter but it didn’t matter, that’s the last thing you cared about right now.

that’s quite weird though. this isn’t the first time you forgot your cigarettes, he usually just keeps them since you smoke them together anyways. you better not think about it too much before you get delusional.

“oh, thank you.” you lightly smiled at him, looking at him in the eyes while taking the packet off your hands. but before you could get them, he pulled your hand to him and placed the pack on the top of your palm, his hand still holding yours. stop, stop, stop.

if you could only know what he was thinking about, he thought to himself.

if you could only know what he did later that night thinking about you.

flashback

“i fucking knew it.” he said, walking to his tent, his fists tight, his jaw locked.

he fucking knew you just couldn’t take that further step. he was only a game to you.

you enjoyed teasing him, playing with his mind acting like he was your dirty little toy, cared about only when you’re horny, or ao’nung couldn’t satisfy you enough.

how could he at the end of the day ? ao’nung wasn’t him and will never be.

he knows he’s better, but fuck do your choices fuck his mind up.

he though he could at least get one night with you, one single night. he could be near you, stay with you, inside you. he could see you. but you didn’t want to. hell, you didn’t even want to look at him.

the constant thoughts of you, torturing his mind. he hoped he could at least live one night of pure love, caring and affection, thinking you wanted too, so he could then go on with his life, mate with a person he didn’t love or care about only to satisfy his father, since the only thing he has always wanted was you.

he wanted you to look at him, but you were too busy staring and smiling at ao’nung.

he felt tears glossing his eyes, you could never be with him, because you simply didn’t want to.

as soon as he got into his tent, he immediately threw your shit away, that you forgot on the beach, with your other stuff. yes, he had a chest with a bunch of stuff you always forgot when you were around him. even looking at it, could make his heart wrench, feeling actual pain.

your blanket, you were nine years old and you had forgotten it when you slept that night with his parents, you had a nightmare. he didn’t sleep that night, so that if you had a nightmare again he could be the one to comfort you. not his parents, him.

your emerald braid accessory, you were eleven, he said he liked it, that it suited your face, so you took it off your braid and placed it in his hand, saying “take it, it’ll look better on you anyway”. it would’ve never looked better on anyone, that wasn’t you. so he just decided to keep it.

your spoon, the one that you used to eat your meals with, and that one time you happened to really like the meal his mom cooked for you. you took a spoonful of it, and positioned it in front of neteyam’s mouth. he was confused for a second, not getting if you actually wanted him to eat out of your spoon. you said “open your mouth, it’s really good, i promise”. not like you had to prove anything, he would’ve eaten a spoonful of poison if your hand was the one holding it. he hesitantly opened his mouth and you fed him. you smiled, and went back to eating your meal, with the same spoon you had just fed him with. it was something probably superficial for you, but it really did mean the world to him.

nostalgia was the sharpest blades of all.

if he only knew you thought the same exact thing.

his mask slipped for a second, letting a tear cut though his face, leaving behind a cold scar. he aggressively wiped it away. he hated you, so so so much. he couldn’t bear the sight of you.

he hated you.

he hated your beautiful hair, your sharp sparkly eyes, your soft cheekbones, your so damn kissable nose, your pouty lips that always fucking curl and smile at everyone’s jokes but his, the soft hill of your breast, the curve that separated your ribcage from the lowest part of your waist.

he couldn’t avoid getting hard every single fucking time. thinking about the way of your body moves when you play beach volley with your group, the way you felt on top of him, or well right on top of his dick, every single time you fought. he couldn’t avoid thinking about the way you were on top of him, fitting oh so well on his dick, while he was holding your wrists with one hand, but since you were way too angry, you didn’t even notice that his other free hand was placed on your waist with a brutal grip. to say he almost whimpered seeing stars, because of how well his big hand fitted on your strong curvy waist, was way too little.

there weren’t words to explain how much he wanted you. he could’ve collected every single thing he wrote about you, and still wouldn’t be enough to explain how hard his heart throbbed every time you were with him. well, maybe something else throbbed too.

neteyam couldn’t take it anymore. if he had to rub out every single thought he had about you, he would’ve became infertile a long time ago.

he placed his head on the pillow, trying to get to sleep in a fetal position. he turned and turned, trying to think of something else, but not the even aliyah, who he tried so hard to act like she was better than you, could lock his thought of you out of his mind.

he sighed in frustration, aggressively getting up when he noticed that.

his incredible massive boner, his dick’s timing was just great.

he got up, turned on the shower, making sure there was still some hot water, and took his clothes off.

“oh c’mon, now.” he silently said after taking off his underwear, noticing pre-cum on them. his dick spurted up, hitting him in the stomach. he rolled his eyes, and got in the shower.

the hot water hugged him, feeling like all of his problems were going down the drain.

he watched his dick gently throb, brought his hand to the base and slid it all the way up, circling his the tip, trying to let out of all the built up sexual tensione he had.

he tried to think about anything that wasn’t you. but how could he ?

how could he not think about the way your sex humped on his clothes, feeling your folds hug his shaft so perfectly. how could he not think of the way that you thought he didn’t notice you throb on him ? how could he not think of the way his hand from your waist slid down to your ass, before his dad separated the both of you ? how could he not think of the way that ao’nung’s hand was in your inner thigh, but you were looking at him ?

his pace got faster, making him heavy pant with his eyes closed, your figure tattooed on his eyelids. he came, seeing some of his seed on his hand and what was left of it going down the drain with the water and his problems.

he sighed, staying there, back held by the wall behind him, leaving him thinking. but he was way too tired of thinking. his temples were throbbing with pain, from how hard his headache was. he just finished washing himself, put some clothes on, and just went to sleep.

you woke up the next morning, head basically feeling like someone stomped on it.

you barely could even sleep last night, too many problems flowing in your thoughts.

you sighed, almost whimpering, brutishly throwing your head back on the pillow. why did everything have to be soooo complicated. you definitely had to talk to him, because all of this had to stop. you were tired, sexually frustrated and sleep deprived. this combo could easily make you kill anyone who even tries to disturb your peace.

you hated the way he was trying to hard to act like “he’s protecting his peace”, motherfucker your disturbing everyone else’s. you got up sloppily, waiting for lo’ak to come by your tent like he did every single morning.

but well, weird. time has passed and you didn’t even see lo’ak’s shadow, where could he be ?

you got out of your tent, walking to his parents’ one since the poor lil boo boo had nightmares basically every single night. you almost wanted to feel bad for him, but how the fuck could you ?

at the beginning you thought that after hearing all the crazy stories about the war his dad, the former Toruk Makto, fought, he just was scared and was having nightmares about that.

but after hearing that he had a nightmare about you fucking tsireya, you were done caring about this man. out of all things in the world, THAT ? since you said you could definitely fall in love with a girl, he went on flight or fight mode. saying this guy could literally sweat jealousy, was too little.

“father ? are you here ?” you said while keeping the tone of your voice low and calm, so you didn’t scare anyone off. but the scene in front of you could be the least thing you expected.

neytiri and jake seated in a circle with everyone, and when you say everyone, you meant EVERYONE. in front of jake there was neteyam, who looked like he almost killed someone by the way he had his head down, legs crossed and… was that a slap mark ??

on neteyam’s left, kiri and spider were seated. which is weird, why were they so quiet ? on neteyam’s right there were lo’ak and tuk. even tuk ? you felt a wave of goosebumps traveling their way up your back. this is way much more serious than you thought.

jake looked at you with the harshest expression you have ever seen on his face. “oh great, (y/n) sit down and join us.” you didn’t sit down, still trying to process what he was saying while walking in the tent, getting behind neteyam.

“FUCKING SIT. NOW.” he screamed at you, as you felt a wave of shock wash over you. you immediately sat down, accidentally bumping neteyam’s shoulder. that’s the first time jake has ever yelled at you. never, in his whole life has he ever screamed at you. yes, he sometimes could be mad at you, but has never screamed that way. neytiri looked at you with heartbroken eyes, mouthing ‘i’m so sorry.’. why would she apologise, it’s not like it’s her fault. right ?

jake huffed, keeping the palms of his hands on his crossed legs, almost looking like he was trying to find the words to explain what was on his mind. this man is going to get a heart attack if you and the others don’t stop stressing him. you felt ashamed, of the way you childishly fighted with neteyam over stupid stuff, not even realising your father couldn’t handle it anymore.

the shame, always comes at the worst time.

“this is the last fucking time i’m saying this. why THE FUCK-” he stopped for a second, trying to calm down for a second. tuk was with us, he probably didn’t want to swear or yell in front of her. you saw him take a deep breath and finish his sentence.

“why, THE FUCK, did you treat her like that ? what has she done to you ? it’s not like your skxawng ass has a mate to be loyal to.” he said, finishing his sentence.

your heart dropped, you were almost capable of hearing the echo of its fall. wait.

she ?

who are we talking about ?

interrupting you from your thoughts, jake stood up scaring everyone, and furiously walked to then kneel in front of neteyam. he harshly grabbed his face, making you gasp out loud, almost like he grabbed your face.

what happened ? you were so confused. she ? who is she ? how did he treat her for jake to be this mad ?

neteyam looked at him, his head tilt up with absent eyes, lips pressed together and jaw locked.

“you have absolutely no idea of what you’ve done, do you ?” jake almost whispered, which was probably even scarier than him screaming.

“this sweet sweet girl, who is literally the clan leader’s daughter, came up to you, asking you whatever the fuck she asked you, and what did you do ?” oh. so it’s tsireya’s sister we’re talking about, aliyah.

“’ oh leave me alone, i don’t want anything to do with you’” he said mocking neteyam’s words. he chuckled, and continued.

“your skxawng ass better be grateful if the leader doesn’t tell us to pack our staff and go the fuck away, after the way she ran away crying.” he stood up from his position, stopping the grasp on neteyam’s face, making him leave his head to the side. he lifted up his gaze, only to be met with yours.

you were genuinely so worried, in part because you couldn’t understand what in the actual fuck was happening. what did aliyah want ? why did neteyam make her cry ?

“is it my fault that i don’t want to mate with a person i don’t like ?” he silently said, making everyone turn their heads to him, no one expected him to talk. this is so bad.

jake stopped for a second with his back towards him. he slowly turned around with furrowed eyebrows and a slightly parted mouth. “what the fuck did you just say ?” he said, the vein on his temple was quite literally about to pop.

“I SAID, i don’t want to mate with her ! i don’t want her ! she was throwing herself all over me, like the fucking slag she is, and when i told her no, BECAUSE I HAVE EVERY FUCKING RIGHT TO SAY NO, she started crying.” he stopped for a second, catching his breath while looking at his dad. he couldn’t recognise him, why was he suddenly so pressed and stressed about neteyam finding a mate ? did it have to do with you ?

jake crossed his arms, and with an ironic smirk on his face he said “then who the fuck do you like, huh ? is every other girl so repellent to you ? have you suddenly became picky or what ?”

neteyam was about to let a tear cut through his face but he didn’t even though his eyes still remained glossed with tears. “i like someone else, but they don’t want to have anything to do with me. that’s it. it’s not the end of the world.” neteyam finished, with a slightly cracked but most importantly low voice.

jake stared at him for a couple of seconds. his face was now suddenly calm, while neytiri’s was absolutely devastated.

there was no denying it, neteyam’s a mommas boy. thank god, neytiri never tried to emotionally incest him, indeed she was happy when he talked to her about this someone he liked. that was the first time neytiri saw her sweet son be so wrapped around someone’s finger. she said that he should at least try, not jump to conclusions. but if he did jump to conclusions earlier, he wouldn’t have to feel his heart wrench and blood boil every single time he thought about what happened that night with you at the beach. he should’ve jumped to conclusion, and probably taken a fucking hint. you didn’t want him. that’s it, it’s as simple as it gets. move on, neteyam.

move on.

jake looked at you for a second, like the answer to all his problems was somewhere inside of you. in that exact moment he thought.

“is it better to speak or to die ?”

should he speak ? should he let you know that all of this, was because neteyam couldn’t move past you ? he couldn’t even count on his hands how many other omatikaya women have came up and asked to be neteyam’s mate. and he refused to even look at them. one after the other.

or should he die ? let his son stare at you with dreamy eyes, trying everyday to kill whatever he felt for you ? see him mate with another person he probably didn’t love, or even want to be near to ? should he kill his son ? a body is nothing without its soul. you were half of him, even though you were probably complete on your own. that’s the thing.

you could live without neteyam, neteyam couldn’t live without you.

neteyam stood up, catching everyone’s attention, leaving the tent and distracting jake from his thoughts.

“reunion finished, get out” he said opening the tent’s entrance for everyone.

neteyam had been waiting for you. on the beach, with a new lighter, because he wanted to keep yours. only waiting for you to come here, smile at him, sit next to him and smoke together.

but after an hour, he was worried. had something happened to you ? where did you go after the family reunion ?

he just decided to get up, and look for you. to finally try and not jump to conclusions again.

to finally say those damn three words.

“i see you.”

yes, that was the day, or maybe he could at least try and hint his intentions. letting you know he wanted more than a hookup, and that he finally was fucking ready to treat you like he should have been all this time.

ok no, maybe it’s a little too early for that.

he had no idea that that same day, ao’nung came by your tent.

“hey, how are you ?” ao’nung asked, face poking from the side of your tents entrance. you were surprised he came by your tent. he wasn’t used to do this, but it’s not like you don’t appreciate it.

“hey” you said back. he got in the tent, looking around for a bit. this was probably the first time he came here after you decided to basically move here.

“so, what have you been up you?” you tried to keep a conversation going, you couldn’t bare the silence it was way too awkward.

“i’ve been missing you.” he said, in a serious tone. silence dropped for a second, but it was immediately interrupted by your laughs. thank god.

“and what have you been up to ?” he smiled looking at you while leaning his back on the wall. maybe you could fall in love with him. or maybe you’re just delusional.

“nothing special, if i have be to be honest, but… “ you left your sentence incomplete, walking to him with his gaze glued on you. same smirk on his face.

“… i’ve been missing you too.” you finished your sentence, placing a kiss on his lips.

you were such a little dirty liar. you didn’t miss him one bit.

you place another kiss on his lips, and another one. and another one.

until he placed a hand behind your neck, smashing your lips together, deepening your kiss. his tongue lightly parted your lips, as if he was asking for your consent. you hugged his tongue with yours, tasting him. but ao’nung’s lips couldn’t even come near netayam’s lips. soft, on your skin, jaw and neck. his hand tracing circles on your waist as usual, your arms thrown to circle his neck.

you silently moaned against his lips, catching his attention, making him heavy breathe. your lips still attached to his, you lightly jumped, his big hands covering your ass, making you hug his waist with your legs.

you were so deep already, into all of this story. are situationships supposed to act like this ? was it normal ? are you falling in love ? or are you falling in love with the person you’re pretending is holding you right now ?

are you in love with ao’nung or the guy that could make you fall to your knees with only a kiss ? or make you whimper with a single touch ? or make you doubt everything you know with a simple phrase ? that someone had such a special effect on you, you don’t think there’s any language in this world that is capable of explaining what he did to you. how he makes you feel.

you were so so so tired. of fighting. of pretending. of replacing.

shouldn’t things be easier ?

your thoughts interrupted by ao’nung’s lips kiss and biting on your neck, but neteyam did it so much better. you lifted your face, giving him more space to work on. ao’nung suddenly stopped, face still in the crook of your neck . and you suddenly had this bad bad feeling in your gut.

something bad about to happen to you. you don’t what it is, but you feel it coming.

you waited for ao’nung to say something, hands still on your back to hold you, like you weighted as much as a feather. he could give you anything you wanted, but how could ask him to give you another person ? that unfortunately wasn’t him.

“i know who you pretend i am.” your heart dropped the moment ao’nung spoke those words, with his voice low and cracked. he knew and still came by your tent. the guilt was chocking you.

he knows, and i know he knows. what could you even say ? that it wasn’t true ? that he was worried for nothing ? you couldn’t, because not only you would be lying to him, but you would also be lying to yourself.

as if your night couldn’t get better, someone entered the tent.

but as soon as you felt your heart stinging, you knew damn well you were in so much trouble.

so so so so much trouble. you were absolutely fucked.

you didn’t even have to look at him, to realise that the person who just entered your tent was neteyam. you immediately fell back to your feet, distancing yourself from ao’nung.

who did you even have to be loyal to ?

but maybe, it just was the fact that you couldn’t betray your heart.

you suddenly felt naked, in front of him. his gaze confused, eyes glossed once again with tears.

you just wanted to disappear, you just wanted to die.

he scoffed, crossing his arms and looking at you with a smirk on his face. this was so bad.

ao’nung kept trying to keep track on what was happening, why were you so suddenly acting like this. but he might have realised something, that the two of you have been trying to hide so hard. his eyes flashed, mouth slightly opened. heart completely shattered. he immediately ran out of the tent, purposely bumping his shoulder against neteyams. not even daring to look back. you felt a tear leave your eye. what have you done ?

the silence was suddenly interrupted by neteyams voice, making you tilt your head up.

“congratulations, fucker.”

he stopped for a second. trying to get the words.

“if you only knew how many words i have wasted on you, and how many other words i was willing to waste. even tonight, but you didn’t even come by.”

that’s all he said, before leaving once again, following ao’nung’s traces.

leaving you alone.

alone, again.

final notes : damn um, so how did y’all like it ? i hope u enjoyed it ! if y’all want a part four remember to like the post and if you want to be tagged and you’re not already on the tag list, message me privately or comment it ! for some reason i can’t tag everyone, so i’ll just directly send it ! sorry for the wait, AND PLS LET ME KNOW WHERE YALL ARE FROM BECAUSE IM EUROPEAN AND I POST AT COMPLETELY RANDOM TIMES 😭

sneak peak : so the time has come ! someone noticed a song reference i put in my story ! if y’all didn’t already notice it, in all my posts i put some song references which, if you can tell me from which song or band it is, you get a sneak peak of the next part before everyone else ! the first winner was… @grierpilots !, the reference was from a neighbourhood song, one of my favs which is crybaby ! the reference was : “i always get this anxious feeling, but it goes away when i’m with you breathing.” which neteyam said to you in pt. 2 of the fic ! the quote isn’t exact but it’s always recognisable :)

[itjazzbicch]

In My Eyes

Pairing: Usopp x Reader 

First time writing for Usopp, so I hope I did well!

Summary: Buying something Usopp wanted out of kindness and their closeness, the reader only wants to dance with him as his way of paying her back and when a man approaches the reader trying to flirt and insults Usopp, the reader's deeper emotions are revealed when they later confess to one another...

Warnings:  Reader is mentioned to like dancing, Reader is mentioned to have a devil fruit power, Usopp being a little insecure

Word Count: 1.1k 

“Man!”

“What’s the matter, Usopp?”

Exploring through a shopping district, it looks like Usopp found something that caught his eye, explaining to me:

“Look at all this tech! I could make some good stuff with it, but I don’t have enough. Dang it!”

Checking the price tag, I had enough berries, and I knew how much Usopp loved to make gadgets, so I double-checked, pointing to the two devices he wanted:

“It’s these right?”

“Yeah, now let me see,” He was counting his berries, hoping he had miscounted the first time, and while his back was turned, I took them and bought them from the store owner.

He was still counting away whenever I returned, gasping with joy as I tapped his shoulder, holding up the bag I placed them in:

“Here you go!”

“Y/N! You didn’t!”

“I did!” I smiled, handing them over, “I can tell how much you want them, and I have the money, so they’re all yours.”

“You’re the best!” Hugging and squeezing me, it felt good to see him so happy, “As soon as I have the berries, I’ll-“

“You don’t have to pay me back, Usopp. Consider it a gift.”

“Are you sure?”

As he asked that question, something crossed my mind. We headed into town together, and while going to the shopping district, I remember seeing this lovely lounge with a dance floor.

A smile found its way onto my face as an idea came to mind: taking his hand and guiding him through the town to that lounge:

“I know a way you can repay me.”

“A lounge?” Confused as to why we were there. Thankfully, we didn’t have to pay to get in or use the dance floor. So Usopp was able to puzzle the pieces together when I brought him to dance:

“Just dance with me for a bit, yeah?”

“Say less!”

Whether we were good or bad at dancing, it was always a way our whole crew could bond. I cherished every moment like that and was always looking forward to more like it, getting just that in our dance together.

We always lost track of time, and after so much dancing, Usopp asked me over the music:

“Do you at least want a drink or a bite to eat?”

He was still trying to pay me back, but I laughed and swatted at him, only playing around:

“I don’t have any more money on me! But I have you, so c’mon! Let’s keep dancing!”

“Seriously! What do you want?” He was persistent, and he did have some berries on him, so I shrugged:

“If they have lemonade, that’d be nice.”

“On it!”

While he went to get me a drink, I was still lost in the music, not paying to the drunk guy who had their eyes on me:

“Want a real man to dance with, young thing?”

“Hard pass. Beat it,” Shooing them away with my hand; I was still swaying and humming, that guy still bugging me:

“C’mon! You have an opportunity for a good night now that loser you were dancing with is gone! Just-“

Usopp was my best friend, and I would never tolerate any slander of his name from anyone, let alone some drunk asshole who was also trying to take me up on top of that.

“I said-“ Taking a deep breath, I knew that this would probably get us in trouble, using my devil fruit powers to send him flying clear across the street, “BEAT IT!”

Everyone on the whole block stopped what they were doing to see what had happened, and after realizing I had destroyed a part of the lounge, I chuckled nervously, running to steal Usopp and bail:

“SORRY ABOUT THAT!”

We ran till we were back at the shore by the Sunny; out of breath, I was hunched over for air, saying to Usopp:

“I am sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. Not the first time we’ve gotten ourselves into trouble,” He sighed, relatively quiet but having something for me, “Here’s your lemonade.”

“Woah, you didn’t spill even a drop!” I couldn’t believe it, given how much we were running, surely needing it, and showing my gratitude with a smile, “You’re the best.”

Taking it for a drink, it was so refreshing and freshly squeezed too, but Usopp’s quietness was making me wonder:

“I didn’t upset you by causing a scene or anything, did it?”

“No, of course not,” That was certain, and thankfully, he didn’t hide the truth from me, mumbling out, “It’s just-; What do you see in a loser like me?”

I hated when he talked bad about himself despite all of the things we accomplished on this long, wild journey of ours, keeping my ears open as he vented:

“I heard what that guy said, and I just don’t know what you see in me compared to all the guys in the world that you could have easily.”

He was staring at the ground while I was staring at him, waiting for him to meet my gaze as a cooed:

“What do I see in the guy who’s always been here for me, always makes me smile, has saved me, and protects me no matter what?”

Finally, he looked me in the eye, swelling up with tears as my smile grew, meaning with all my heart:

“I see a lot, and none have anything to do with being a loser.”

“Y/N-“ He was fighting a lot of emotions, so I hugged his head, admitting to him so he knew the only thing that mattered in all of this:

“I don’t just like you. I love you, Usopp.”

Squeezing me tight as he hugged me back, I could feel his passion for me, and I showed all I had for him as I squeezed back.

“And if you still have any doubts,” Taking a deep breath, my lips found his, and it was the cherry on top.

I felt a tear leak from my eye, my confession rattling my nerves a little, but I could feel the perfection between us as we kissed, soft pecks in between long, feverish presses.

Given we were in a hug, I could feel how hard his heart was beating, parting lips with a gasp, turning because of the fluster his reaction gave me.

“I know that was so sudden. I-“

“No,” Shaking his head quickly and taking a deep breath, “Just kiss me again.”

Giving another deep kiss, my heart was pounding like a drum, lost and playing with his curls, only stopping because I was out of breath again.

“You’re a great kisser, you know?” I meant that wholeheartedly; his puffed, flustered cheeks were so adorable.

“They don’t call me great for nothing!” He chuckled nervously, making me giggle, nuzzling against his chest as I agreed:

“The greatest, Usopp.” 

2023 © itjazzbicch — do not repost or translate my work. Likes, reblogs, and comments are always welcome 

[ryuichirou]

Tops and bottoms: whys and hows

As you probably know by now, but with all of our multishipping open-mindedness, there is one thing that we’re very particular and principled about: the top/bottom positioning of the ships that we like. These roles are always fixed with us: the characters never switch or change their positions regardless of what ship they’re in, two tops and two bottoms are never paired, etc. There is no exception to this rule with us, we don’t entertain the idea of them switching ever.

We are not the only people in the fandom spaces with this type of mindset, but as far as I know, it’s not as wide-spread on the western side of any fandom, so naturally, some people find it confusing. We get questions about it from time to time, so we figured we would write a post, in which I’ll try to explain the reasoning behind our choices and give you some insight in how it works for us.

Disclaimer: whenever we call a character a top or a bottom, we always talk about our own perception and reading of the said character. We don’t wish to force our way of thinking on others and we don’t want others to try to make us question our own preferences. Everyone should be able to enjoy any piece of media the way they want, and there is no right or wrong way to ship characters together.

In this text, I refer both to their position in sex and them being dom/sub to each other, since it usually correlates for the most part.

So, why would we look at a character and so strongly and uncompromisingly believe that he is one way and not the other?

A short and exhaustive answer would be: we just want to. Frankly, this really is all the reasoning you need lol It’s entirely a matter of preference. I just look at some characters and want to fuck them and want them to be bottoms. I look at Vil and think that I want to live in a reality in which he enjoys being the submissive and receiving one in a relationship lol let’s be honest he deserves it. So yeah, it’s not that deep.

But a longer, more thorough way to look at it would to say that there are some specific tropes that characters can have that we tend to see in a certain way. Our favourite types, if you will. Some other people might see them in different light, but to us, they have all the qualities we love in either tops or bottoms. I’ll try to explain and give some examples…

Character types that we tend to see as bottoms:

Reclusive sarcastic introvert who has a hard time connecting and/or communicating with people. They either lack the motivation/initiative or are just done with everyone. Or both. A lot of time they either have a resting bitch face or a smug sardonic expression, they bite with their words and brutal honesty, but they’re actually quite sensitive. They don’t have a lot of friends and are very aware that they can be unpleasant to hang out with, but they’re also quite sensitive and care deeply for those that they love. A lot of time they have that one person who make them into a complete all-forgiving pushover. Examples of this type: Idia Shroud, Jamil Viper, Matsuno Ichimatsu, Barok van Zieks, Levi Ackerman, Ciel Phantomhive, Killua Zoldyck, Annie Leonhart, Daria Morgendorffer. This is my favourite type lol

 It’s kind of similar to the first type but still fairy different: not as biting and sarcastic, more sensitive, earnest and emotional, but not very expressive with their emotions. They look either sleepy or sickly, they’re soft and slow, but also extremely self-sacrificial with their loved ones. Even if they are very strong, they still have these frail vibes. I guess they’re closer to a kuudere type. Examples of this one: Silver, Snake, Hasegawa Langa.

Confident and flirty, but also quite good at what they do. A diva that can be either very demanding and picky or straight-up childish and capricious at times. They enjoy stoplight, but also have their moments of insecurity and vulnerability with raw emotion and deep feelings. Very sly and very teasing, provoking, sometimes even cunning. Surprisingly wise at times. They are petty and they are very aware of that. Examples of that: Vil Schoenheit, Malleus Draconia, Alois Trancy, Keigo Atobe, Matsuno Todomatsu, Zenin Mai.

Little shit lol A bit of a bimbo. Either because they aren’t all that smart or because they tend to act recklessly without thinking, and it always backfires. They aren’t necessarily malicious, but can be quite bratty and the life is their biggest brat-tamer. Deep inside they really enjoy feeling like a victim though, is it masochism or is it self-pity? Can be either. Innocent, but not so innocent. They’re also very sensitive and huge romantics by nature. Examples of that: Epel Felmier, Jake English, Toki Wartooth, Byun Minho.

An overly serious tsundere buzzkill. They take themselves too seriously, they try to make things right but according to the way they thing is right. Super smart, but have low emotional intelligence, which is one of the things that differs them from the first type greatly (the second thing is that the 1st type doesn’t take themselves seriously at all). Sometimes they are unreasonably demanding, and they pretty much have a tunnel vision when it comes to think they passionately believe in. They’re very bulliable and hilarious when angry… But the biggest plottwist is that a lot of times they’re huge hypocrites what don’t actually believe in what they preach and want to get emotionally comforted instead. Examples of that: Riddle Rosehearts, Rollo Flamme, Kurapika, Matsuno Choromatsu.

Something that all of the types have in common for us (even though it might not be obvious with some of them…) are a lack of initiative (even if they flirt, it tends to be a provocation or an invitation to act), submissiveness (open or hidden), victimhood/self-punishing tendencies and willingness to love someone deeply and unconditionally. Once again, doesn’t mean that every character that has these qualities is automatically a bottom and it only exists in them, it just means that these are the qualities that we love in bottoms.

Character types that we tend to see as tops:

An overly stubborn bloke with tunnel vision lol Just like the 5th type from the bottoms list, they take their own beliefs very seriously and could sometimes get angry if someone disrespects it; but they are different, because there is no emotional turmoil behind this type of top’s loyalty to his ideas. The tsundere bottom one tries to cover their emotional wounds, and this top idiot simply doesn’t know better, but they SURE AS HELL BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE ROOM! And if everyone followed their advice, the world would be a much better place!! At the same time, if “the system” that they believe in betrays them, they would be the one to get to the bottom of it, and they would stop at nothing to discover the truth. They’re overbearing, overstepping, overprotective, kind of aggressive and a lot of time physical, but they could also sometimes be silly and even funny. At the same time, they’re horrible at getting hints and get confused in emotional situations. But they love their loved ones dearly and would do super drastic and horrible things for them without thinking twice. They make such great simps~ Examples of that: Sebek Zigvolt, Herman Grinhill, Erwin Smith, Equius Zahhak, Dirk Strider.

If the previous type is a stuffy inspector who doesn’t fully understand how relationships work, this one is more of a general who’s either seen some shit or actively seeing it lol He is just as stubborn, but doesn’t have as much of a tunnel vision. He might not have his shit together, but he sure as hell knows how to inspire the crowd and how to discipline young soldiers, so to speak. At the same time, if I was to describe this type I’d call him a calculating beast lol It’s the warlords and leaders + a lot of the characters who simply enjoy violence for the sake of it. But sometimes their chaos is contained in little pranks and friendly fights~ People fall in love with them quite often… The examples of that: Lilia Vanrouge, Fushiguro Toji, Zenin Maki, Eren Yeager.  

The previous type is charismatic, but these are THE charismatic fuckers. People either absolutely love them or absolutely hate them, and they just dance to the beat of their own drums and do whatever they find fun or amusing. If the character is a top and their entire motivation is to avoid getting bored, it’s very likely this one. They don’t care about hierarchy, don’t care about who they’re talking to, the world is their playground and they’re enjoying every second of it. Some of them are absolute sickos, but some of them are just enthusiastic and eager to learn everything about the world around them. It feels like they can talk to anyone, people are very drawn to them. But also? They are still super stubborn. Examples of that would be: the Tweels, Rook Hunt, Ortho Shroud, Sebastian Michaelis (oh Yana LOVES this type), Shindo Ainosuke, Morow Hisoka, Gon Freecs… see this range?! Insane.

Another psycho, but this unhinged in a different way. They’s the ufo, they’re the monster inside your bed AND your walls, they make people uncomfortable and scared, they would push a person under the bus for their loved one… or for funsies! They tend to be vindictive and petty in general and they never forgive grudges. Sometimes they are whiny and capricious, sometimes they act like they want to be pitied, but they would actually absolutely hate a person that pities them… and plan a murder. Even if a character of this type seems rather civil, trust me, they are capable of doing horrible things for the pettiest of reasons Examples of this one: Azul Ashengrotto, Gojo Satoru, Zeke Yeager, Komaeda Nagito.

A fool. And idiot. It’s hard to define this one, I guess he doesn’t look as aggressive as the previous ones, but he still has capricious and stubborn childish qualities that he can’t really do anything about. He is sweet and loving and sometimes even bubbly, but there is… there is something about him that just doesn’t…seem right…. Examples of that are Finnian, John Egbert, Shindo Shuichi, Matsuno Jyushimatsu. I guess a lot of them are straight-up CREATURES a not figuratively but literally lol

There are probably some other types that I’m forgetting but these are the main ones. Are all the character that contain these elements going to be our favourite? Not necessary – Leona is as unmotivated as Idia is sometimes, but we don’t like him nearly as much. Do these characteristics guarantee that a character would be seen a certain way by us? For the absolute majority of times, yes. The exceptions are possible, but are super unlikely.

As you can see, while the described tropes/qualities are rather specific, the range of characters that fit them is quite large. Let’s be honest, Sebek and Dirk aren’t all that similar, but on a larger scale, both of them contain the qualities that we find attractive in tops in our ships. Hence, their positions. Also, a lot of the qualities exist in different types, so it could be kind of fluid there lol

And for the record, we don’t spend hours trying to align the characters into the roles and we don’t force it. It happens very naturally and it’s always been this way; I guess when it comes to Katsu and I, we just have a very specific tastes and preferences that miraculously match. At the end of the day, it really is just a matter of what we want a character to do and how we want a ship to interact.

I hope it clarifies how we look at this whole thing. Thank you for reading!

[evangelinesbible]

MY SOLAR RETURN

Giving you all a look at my solar return and giving descriptions of my planets and angles. I’ve already done a post taking about my asteroids and other objects. Although I did get a chart reading from “AriesJupiter” here on tumblr I’ll be putting my own interpretations too.

PLANETS

SUN - PISCES 12H

The sun sign is always going to be your natal sun so the house placement is what really matters. Sun in the 12H might mean that this year will be full of self reflection on the ego. taking the time this year to really dig deep and figure out all of blockages and insecurities I have. Becoming more spiritual, taking extra care of my metal health, and figuring out the true intentions behind my desires. 12H is the last house in the zodiac so this year might be the end of endless cycles that I've been going through in the years past.

MOON - SAGITTARIUS 8H

Same sign as my natal (lol) but different house. This year will probably be very emotional and will involve events that will transform me emotionally. I might find the freedom that I've been longing to have, and it will forever change me. How positive I am and my beliefs may change this year and will stay that way for a long time. anything that I've experienced in the past that has traumatized me or left me feeling hurt I might be able to emotionally face this year and it will help me figure out what it means to feel emotionally free.

MERCURY - PISCES 12H

My mind might be in a constant state of escapism (more than it usually is lol) I might be making plans in secret this year that pertain to music/the arts/acting. I might become more private and seclusive this year and keep most of my thoughts/ideas to myself. if I have a lot of dreams this year I should probably write them down. Again since the 12H is about closure than anything that I've been writing or planing for the past few years will finally be complete and ready to distribute to the world.

VENUS - ARIES 1H

Since the 1H can represent new beginnings Venus being in the 1H can mean that physically I change my style or I find ways to enhance my beauty with whatever else gets naturally enhanced this year. More bold and trendsetting styles/makeup. This year might also feel like a new start in self love and finding new things that I enjoy to do. with it being in Aries it could mean that I might be more adventurous this year and do things spontaneously in ways that boost my self esteem and self love. people will see it too, they'll see my beauty in a new way, they'll see how confident I am, and they'll see how independent Ive become. I might be more spontaneous in relations as well, I might become very confident flirting and showing my body.

MARS - GEMINI 3H

This year I might be moving at a faster pace. wanting to do everything just cause. I might want to do thing that involves seeing other people and communicating with people. I might put all my energy into making more connections with people online. issues with siblings might happen since mars does rule over aggression.

JUPITER - ARIES 1H

Most of my luck will involve my physicality. I might get many opportunities and are money because of my looks/beauty/body. I'll have a lot of luck doing things independently (meaning working for myself). I might gain some popularity or grow to be known as someone who is independent and confident in themselves and style. This placement might mean that three a glow to me this year that everyone will be able to see.

SATURN - PISCES 12H

Although it is apparent that there will be many things ending for me this year that doesn't mean that till be tied up in a pretty little bow. ill have to make hard choices to get where I want to go mentally, physically and in success. a lot of blockages and many times this year I'll feel extremely mental drained and challenged. finding way to turn my escapism and tendency to daydream into something substantial will be a way I might mature this year. Another way is tapping into my empathy and kindness more. Might be best for me to stay clear of drugs and alcohol this year.

URANUS - TAURUS 2H

An expected event happening with money. Either gaining a bunch or loosing a lot. I'm leaning towards gaining a bunch just cause its in taurus so I'm holding out hope. life might seem a bit unstable this year. going out with friends might involve spending a lot of money together, so going shopping, dressing up to go to restaurants, ect.

NEPTUNE - PISCES 12H

Plans involving music will be completing this year and will heavily involve secrets, confessions of the mind, and involve my wildest dreams. I'll take more about Neptune in the aspects part of this post.

PLUTO - CAPRICORN 11H

Major transformations for me will involve my social circles and how I present myself online. A situation with a friend/some I consider a friend will transform me the most this year. I'll be obsessed with making real/long term friendships. I'll also be heavily obsessed with success and being successful and it might start with doing things online that'll get me the success I want. I'll probably transform into a very business savvy and socially smart person.

ANGLES

RISING - 7° ARIES

Aries rising can again mean fresh new starts this year and being very bold and independent. I'll start of the year very determined and headstrong. ill thrive to be confident. 7° (libra) further enhances the heavy 1H energy (meaning the Venus 1H) in this chart and makes it apparent that 1. love/self love will be very important this year, and that 2. Physical beauty will be very important this year.

IC - 4° CANCER

A good year to get closer with my mother and to just spend more time with family. another indication of it being a very emotional year.

DSC - 7° LIBRA

A good placement if expected to get into a long term relationship. If a long term relation where to happen this year it'd be naturally romantic. relationships in general will be with charismatic, lovely and caring people.

MC - 4° CAPRICORN

People will see how hard of a worker I'll be this year and see the success pay off business wise. People will see how importance success is to me and the emotional connection I have to my career endeavors. Big boss on the move.

OTHER THINGS

ASTEROIDS

CHART RULER GEMINI 3H - Along with the ASC and Sun being the main themes of the overall year, the chart being mars means that working hard towards a specific goal involving communication, and expression of my mind will also be the main theme of the year. social media and social groups will be involved as well.

MC RULER SATURN 12H - Success won't come easily but working towards it will end up with it being long term/long lasting. A lot of work done behind the sense to get to the spotlight. working in private/with secret groups will be beneficial.

SOME OTHER DEGREES

PLUTO 29° - a karmic degree that is considered a fame placement since its in Leo. fame is possible but at what cost? admitting my obsessions, selfishness, mistakes and dark desires to the world (in this case online since Pluto is in the 11H) for the chance of fame/popularity this year.

POF 17° - another fame degree that isn't considered karmic unlike 29°. It being in the 9H Sagittarius could mean luck, prosperity, and fame in the media. Could also mean gaining popularity on the road and with people in far away places.

CHIRON/JUPITER/VESTA 14° - 14° is a taurus degree, and given to these placements means that there's a Taurus influence. for all of them it could mean that artistic expression is needed. for Chiron it could mean that the things I heal from this year will involve using my art to do so. for Jupiter it could mean making money this year with the arts, and for Vesta it could mean that my internal flame is ignited this year when doing artistic things. (especially singing)

SATURN 0° - 0° is a critical degree and can indicate that the sign the planet/object is in is at its purest. The restrictions and challenges I'll face this year will be the first time I ever experience them.

SOME ASPECTS

NEPTUNE CONJUNCT SUN - With Neptune ruling melodies(music) and sun representing attention this could optionally mean that any music I relate will gain a lot of attention. my happiness and identity will be heavily involved with the themes of Neptune. So, creativity, music, and future plans. this could also mean being seen as glamours and getting attention from my glamor/mystique this year

VENUS/NN/JUNO TRINE MC - Trines are very harmonious and often bring luck in whatever is being aspected. Venus trine MC can bring natural luck with ingraining my beauty and arts with my career. NN can mean that natural luck and ability to achieve my destiny in my career was mean to happen this year. Juno can mean finding someone who shares the same career goals as me.

OVERALL VIBE

With old doors closing, new ones are ready to open.

Its up to me if I just simply knock and wait

Or walk right in and claim wants mine

- SM

happy late birthday to me 🎂 💋

- ⚜️💫⚜️

[enoe-of-noen]

Better than me

Contains: Insecure Gender Neutral!Mc, OM! Beelzebub, hurt/comfort, lotta words, poor writing :/

Banner credit

Mc looked at their test score. “Woah, a 64? That’s not too bad!” Their seat mate smiled, noticing Mc’s furrowed brows. “..what’d you get?” Mc stared at them with their cold eyes, making their seat mate shiver. “U-uhm! A-a…a 95..” Mc took a breath and smiled. “Good for you,” the teacher dismissed them and Mc waved them adieu.

“Mc! Mc!” A newspaper member walked up to them with sparkles in their eyes. “Yes?” “I made it into the art contest!! They actually liked my art!” Mc chuckled at their enthusiasm, pushing back their intruding thoughts. “That’s wonderful, I was confident in you anyways.” The member grinned before running off to their next class.

“…” Mc silently walked to their next class; looking down at the doodles on their paper. “Art…” They tapped their pencil on the paper repeatedly, before groaning. “I’m not even good, why should I bother thinking about it?”

“Mc?” Satan’s voice whispered. Mc turned to look at him with a raised brow. “Yes?” Satan pointed at Mc’s bouncing leg with concern. “You look troubled, something the matter?” Mc sighed, calming their leg down. “It’s nothing important, Tanny.” Satan wasn’t convinced but returned to writing notes. Mc huffed and looked at the clock, waiting for the day to be over with.

At lunch, Mc found themselves alone outside. “A beautiful day..heh, and here I am sulking on my mediocre skills.” They sniffled and took a bite of their food. “God, I’m pathetic..”

“Mc?” The voice made Mc jump and whip their head to the sound. “Oh, Beelzeburg, hey,” they smiled. “I’m not, uhm, annoying you by being here, right?” “Not at all, if anything, I need the company.” Mc scooted and made room for Beelzebub on the bench. “You still hungry? I don’t feel like eating,” they offered their lunch. “Thank you,” he took it with a small smile.

They sat in silence for a minute before Beel spoke. “Mc, are you..okay? Ever since this morning you’ve looked down.” Mc’s eyes went wide. “Oh, h-have I? Sorry, Beel, you don’t need to worry about it, I swear. Just…thoughts.”

“Thoughts?” Mc nodded at his confusion. “What..what thoughts?” He stopped eating, giving Mc his full attention. “Sometimes, I have these..thoughts. Thoughts that tell me I’m not good enough, that everyone is better than me.” Mc took a shaky breath, Beel’s hand placing itself on their back.

“I can’t get a stupid test mark higher than 70%, every art/craft I create is trash compared to actual artists, I stress about such stupid, little things, and the fact…” They sniffed. “The fact…I’m just human…” A tear fell from their eye. “I’m sorry, Beel, you probably don’t want to hear this,” they wiped their cheek.

“…I don’t mind. I like hearing your voice. And..it makes me feel useful to you,” he held their hand. “I can’t really help with those, but Mc, I love your art. I love your effort in practically everything. I love your drive to succeed. I love being here for you.” Mc sniffled. “I love you.”

Mc had slow tears falling from their cheeks. “I love the fact you’re human. That you allow yourself to be vulnerable. That you trust me,” Beel hugged them tightly. “I hope I can help you more, you’re very important to me, Mc.”

“Oh Beel..” Mc sobbed into his shoulder, clutching his shirt. “Mc, I love you. I know that there are people better than you, but, that doesn’t mean you’re any less amazing.” Beelzebub continued rubbing their back gently until they calmed.

“Thanks, Beel…I l-love you too.” Mc smiled, holding Beelezebub tighter. “No problem, Mc.” Beelzebub returned the smile. Lunch ended and Beelzebub led Mc to a bathroom to wash up, waiting outside patiently. “I’m done, let’s go,” Mc took Beelzebub’s hand before walking off.

“I’ll always have those days where I’m down in the dumps, but at least I’ll have you there by my side for as long as you can.”

Mmm could always be better.

[yeosatinyngz]

Hello♡! if you have any time, could you write about a reader who gets insecure for her body, but her s/o comforts her. If possibly also, could you do a character from blue lock? Thank you and sorry if I bothered you (｡>﹏<). Have a nice day!૮(づ˶ᵔᴗᵔ˶)づ♡

Hi! I’m so sorry for getting to this now but I literally had no idea who to write for so I just chose Kunigami since I’m sure he would be the loveliest bf. Don’t be sorry, you didn’t bother me at all and thank you, you have a nice day as well! ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

Needed comfort

↳GN Reader | Fluff

You looked down at the scale and then back up at the mirror. Face breaking out into a look of horror upon the numbers you just saw and the way your reflection looked. You immediately shoved the scale under the bed and hid your mirror into your closet. Squeezing your eyes shut with your fingers tangled up in your hair out of frustration, you wanted all your worries to disappear.

As soon as the negative thoughts started pouring into your head the sound of your phone went off pulling you out of your thoughts. You grabbed a hold of your phone checking to see that it was your beloved S/O that was calling you. You quickly picked up the call and answered, “Hello?” “Hi, I was wondering if we could meet up right now?” “Now?” You questioned as you grit your teeth from not wanting to step foot outside into the judgemental society.

Sensing that your tone was off he brushed the idea off, “If now is not a good time we can always see each other another day.” “No it’s alright, let’s meet up.” You say making up your mind that if you’re with him it’ll be alright because being with him is always your safe space. “I’ll be there in 10 minutes and then we can go eat something.” “Alright, see you!” After the call you panicked a little on what to wear trying to find one that covered your body completely.

When Kunigami picked you up, you awkwardly walked next to him. He saw that you looked uncomfortable and that you were shifting your trench coat an awful lot to try to cover yourself. He reasoned that it was probably you adjusting your coat because you were cold. However when you both arrived at the restaurant of his choosing and you chose to skip on a meal was when he grew suspicious of your actions.

He insisted on you getting something to eat and in the end you did pick something to eat. After you both finished the meal he grabbed your hand and dragged you to the park. “Is something the matter? You’ve been acting a little strange.” You directed your eyes to the ground, “It’s silly.” He grabbed hold of your face and turned it towards him, looking into your eyes, “Your feelings are never silly, please tell me what’s going on.”

You quietly mumble out, “I’ve been feeling really insecure about my body recently.” His eyes widened at your words, immediately responding, “I don’t know why you’ve been feeling this way but I hope you know that you’re perfect just the way you are.” He grabbed you by your waist and crushed you into a hug. “I’m so lucky to have such a partner like you, who is beautiful inside and out” He whispered into your ear. And this was exactly why you always felt safe around him, this was why you fell in love with him in the first place.

[a-libra-writes]

i’m so happy your requests are open again omg!! i think i’ve read pretty much everything you’ve ever written on this blog sdjfgifakskfk

i’m asking for any type of romantic headcanons involving brandon stark. like, a marriage between him and a lady from the stormlands, family/kids hcs, jealousy hcs or literally anything you want. i’ll literally read anything you write <3 if you don’t have the muse for this, that’s completely okay too !!

Oh, my cup runneth over with choices! Hmmm .... for now ill do a little bit of everything? Mostly relationship and domestic HC's 🤔

To start with! When it comes to an arranged marriage, he's initially huffy about it ... until he realizes she's pretty and interesting and whoops he's like a boy trying to impress her before the wedding. Lyanna especially teases the hell out of him for this change of heart. Ironically a lady whose more closed-off, shy or nervous will get a much gentler side to him, whereas one whose more outgoing or friendly will get his full gregarious self. He isn't really aware of it, but a lot of this trying so hard is because he'd like her to be comfortable and happy in Winterfell. Brandon's parents were happily married, and if he really sat with himself about it, he'd want his relationship to be the same - but he knows that's a pipe dream in Westeros, so trying to start off on the right foot with his new bride is important to him.

Now, if this was someone he was familiar with for a while, like a lady whose also a Northerner, Brandon is much less anxious. If anything, he's probably more boisterous and himself because he feels more comfortable. He "gets" Northern girls, and he gets you. You're more familiar and therefore he's less nervous about "messing up".

And the thing is, Brandon can become very attached with the right lady. Even if she doesn't fully feel the same yet, he's finding himself wanting to do things for her. He wants to be lordly and gallant and all those things he used to make fun of in the songs. He wants to get flowers delivered to her (isn't that what ladies like?) and help her up on her horse (he's pretty sure she rides ...?) and carry her over the snow and mud (though, the Winterfell yard is well kept, so ...). Alright, maybe that doesn't pan out, but he can still impress her with his hunting and swordsmanship and show her all over Winterfell. The Stark siblings are having a field day with all this and his father is just happy he's too busy to sleep around.

There's also the matter of jealousy, and it's something that shows up early. It's a childish sort of jealousy at first, especially if his lady is lovely and not from the North, therefore many lords want to see her and speak with her during feasts. He wants to interrupt them and take her away, and if he's drinking he's only more obvious about it. It's gotten some of the court to whisper, look how taken the wolf lordling is with his bride. He just frowns and sulks if you, his father or Lyanna scold him about how boyish it is.

(Now, if there was a serious breach of etiquette, like a lord taking too many liberties during a feast or Brandon was feeling some fierce insecurity ... Yeah, the dueling swords are coming out, if he doesn't just wring the man's neck with his bare hands. In the North, you fuck around and find out).

He's the sort of person who really needs to be in love with their spouse, or at least fond of them, even if he knows that's childish to expect. He'd start to become lonely and listless otherwise, his eye prone to wandering to other women, wondering why his house isn't like the warm and happy family he was raised in. He'll always love any children, though he's not always the most attentive father. Twins? Oh, he won't tell them apart until they're ten. His daughter wants a sword? Sure, sure, let her have steel, that's what he practiced on. A child wants to ride? Well, why not come up on the warhorse with him, no need to start with a pony - you get the picture.

Now if he is in love with his spouse, it's utterly obvious, just like his early infatuation and jealousy was. He'll trust her completely and be grateful to her for many things, not just raising children and helping him with the more infuriating parts of running the house, like numbers and logistics for guests. He doesn't like leaving his wife for a long period of time, even if his brothers are there to protect her. He'll give her a tight, long embrace before leaving and takes her in his arms once he's back. He always wants to kiss and touch, even in inappropriate places (old servants warn the new people about which rooms and halls to avoid). It's not hard at all for the new Lady Stark to get Brandon wrapped around her finger.

[supergigabigboybabechad]

likes: Animals (cats and dogs especially seem to like me a lot more than the average person), gaming, anime, cooking, food, rock music, goth/punk/edgy/alternative/emo subculture, makeup and skincare (I like to feel pretty lmao), school, taking pictures

dislikes: bitter food, spicy food,school

hobbies: Acting (#1 hobby!), writing, ig I’ll put studying here since i was a honour student.

physical preferences: none

personality preferences: someone willing to protect me (I’ve been stared by creepy old men for 2 days in a row) and someone not too energetic and bubbly, anyone who is not Ace or Floyd, someone who can comfort me as I’m a generally anxious and insecure person

love languages: physical touch and quality time

extras: I’m an infj, would be in Diasomnia dorm, my personality would be I tend to come off as reserved, intimidating and cold due to my trust issues from being stabbed in the back by someone I trusted at first impressions but as I warm up to someone/they gain my trust I can be warm, caring, loyal, affectionate, and protective

Soooo i couldnt pick just one :( Too many ideas! I guess youre getting four charecters 😔 im not that indecisive though they are in order from who i feel would be less compatible to the most! For a big reveal vibe

4. Azul Ashengrotto

Youre giving him the cold shoulder? He doesnt gaf..

An honors student an actor and a beauty, hes so intrigued!

His intentions are likely less than pure but anyone with one working eye can see that

“Let’s make a deal!” Hes probably offering you fame for your acting but we both know youre not falling for that.

The more you ignore him the more hell bother you it becomes some form of personal challenge for him

Hes upping the charm and throwing in all the bells and whistles this isnt about his contract anymore its about his ability as a business man!

Eventually youll tell him to knock it off and that you know you cant trust him

Hell feign hurt but beep down you just charmed him.

So strong and so smart he already knew he wanted you in his corner but now he finds himself wanting you more.

As a buisness man azul is good at reading people, it comes with the territory so he knows how you see him and hes determined to change it

Hed follow you around trying to market himself as an outgoing and upstanding person did you drop something? Hes got it, dont stress! Need notes? Come to him! Free of charge!

It doesnt work.. that is until he finds you in an insecure state or anxious state.

Maybe its before your first role in twisted wonderland where you dont know anyone.

Its so prestigious here! Anyone would be nervous.

He takes this opportunity to comfort you. Once you tell him about your insecurity and anxiety he immediately knows what to say

In that moment you dont see him as some capitalist. For the first time you see him vulnerable, you see him on a level where you can relate to him

You can feel in his voice and the way he speaks to comfort you that hes felt it too, he knows what its like

Even you know being vulnerable isnt something azul does willy nilly so it gets you thinking, maybe you can trust him.

While talking to him you might name drop or tell him about your experience with creeps

Hell protect you but hell definetly hide it from you he doesnt want you seeing his ugly side

Hell be keeping an eye on you and if anyone oversteps in anyway hell be after them

Hes a powerful man, he could send the twins after them or if theyre really hurting you he’ll bring them in for a “word”

As for comforting you, he always knows what to say but hell also have episodes

Sometimes hell wonder how he landed you, so beautiful, smart and talented what if you wake up one day and realize youre too good for him?

Youre going to have to do some comforting too, hold him and tell him you love him, its all hell need.

Azul would be scared to touch you first, hes a gentleman! He cant just grab you! No matter how badly he wants to, he doesnt know how to go about reaching for your hand

Youve gotta make the first move, walking side by side notice how his fingers twitch towards your hand, go for it! Hold his hand!

Hell be shocked, bamboozled, pushing his glasses up and trying to hide his blush but you can still see a light pink on his ears.

From now on whenever he holds your hands hell take his gloves off before intertwining your fingers

His probably still to shy to go forward but if you grab him for a hug hell be sooo happy

He doesnt have much time to spen with you but hell always welcome you to sit beside hin while hes working, hell let you on his lap too if you want but youll have to ask and go through a but of his awkward aftershock

When he does time off hell spend it with you. Hell spare no expense! Spoiling you with fancy dinners and gifts

He works so hard though hell need a break, lie together and hold him or just watching anime together will help him let off steam.

3. Malleus Draconia

Malleus is a really toned down guy who’s willing to go with the flow he wont be too much for you to handle

Upon meeting you and being faced with your colder aura, cant say he’s really phased. With silver coming off in a similar way you wont deter him.

His generally frightening and strong air might not leave you wanting to open up but he probs wont notice and come back to you anyways

Coming back to you over and over again he’ll get more and more friendly. The imposing air around him starts to clear and you start seeing him as sort of an oddball

Hes so intimidating yet so tame maybe you can trust him?

Hes lonely. He doesnt realize it but he is so hes always coming to you he wants to spend all his free time with you just to have you there so he wont be lonely. This feeling is so foreign to him but its like a weight has been lifted from his chest

Itll make him even happier if youre the one initiating quality time. It makes him feel like hes wanted

Physical touch too!

He could be lost in thought worried about you one day finding yourself afraid of him only to be met with you holding him having all his worries vanish

Showing you being vulnerable around him is the highest amount of trust he feels he could have gained

Sleeping with him hell probably hold you while hes still awake thinking about the difference between when you first met and now

You were so closed off, you’d hardly ever respond to him but now look, he always has you by his side, your so warm and kind to him, you trust him enough to be completely helpless around him leaving him to protect you in your vulnerable state.

Speaking of protecting, walking with malleus no one will dare look at you funny let alone disrespect you

God forbid anyone harass you, youll need to phone lilia to calm him down

After that though hell turn his attention back to you and make sure youre alright. Hell insist on carrying you even if you swear you’re fine “Humans are fragile we cant be too careful”

Honestly 1) he just wants to hold you and 2) he knows about your anxiety and needs to make sure you’re okay you could say hes doing it more for his peace of mind than his for yours

Having anxiety or just feeling really insecure? Hell cancel everything hell make someone else do it if he has to

Hes overly cautious of you because your human

Hell hold you on his lap and let you talk if thats what you need otherwise hell just hold you close to your chest and let you breathe, drawing circles in your back, humming and playing with your hair he wants you to focus on him, you and him are all that matter right now and your all that matter to him.

He really appreciates that you can cook, he wants you to cook for him so you can yk, save him!

“Im sorry lilia but Haru has already prepared a meal for me”

Hes scared of change. Taking pictures will eaze him. Take pictures with him and let him have a few and youll find that hes placed them on a board near his bed.

Hell but his favorite in a locket that hell keep with him all the time. He doesnt want to think about a time where hes without you but he knows it will have to come.

Taking all these pictures is so important to him. He needs these traces of you for when youre gone

Acting!! Hell come to all your shows and be so proud! “That’s my Haru, a star aren’t they lilia?”

Hed be so dazed by you hell probably miss the entire play except for the parts youre in.

2. Vil Schönheit (ig were sharing😒)

Vil gives off the same vibes as you at first

Hes cold and hardened on the outside but he cares deep down and that becomes more evident as you get to know him

Vil might not pay much attention at first, hes too busy and the could and distant air around you detrers him a bit, he doesnt see anything he can improve your already beautiful so he leaves you alone

That is until he sees you onstage one day.

As part of film club and an actor himself seeing you on stage, your acting and presence are amazing

Film acting is what vil does most and as a professional knows how different it is from the stage.

He cant help but be impressed in your performance and from then on you just seemed to sort of stand out to him

Hell start noticing things, how smart you are how caring and soft to your close friends you are. How beautiful you manage to be with so little effort

Wait- youre so kind to your friends what is it that they have that he doesn’t? Shouldnt you be charmed by him?

Well either way he comes to talk to you about your performance and how he thinks youd make an amazing addition to film club!

Vil would love to act with you! He does film acting most of the time so hell teach you about that and you can show him a thing or two about stage acting!

Hell love your writing, hell encourage you to publish or even to be a play write!

Maybe you should even start a production company together

He believes in you and wants to star with you and is willing to support you all the way

As a celebrity, vil values his privacy, dating is hard with your insecurities he understands if yoh dont want him to announce your relationship and will do his best to keep it private

On the other hand he has no issue going punlic with your relationship. He knows that people online can be cruel and hell do whatever he can to keep that from you

If youre feeling insecure, he cant have that, WAKE UP!

Youre dating THE Vil Schönheit not only is he beautiful but hes also selective! Hello??? Youre absolutely gorgeous and he wont have you feeling otherwise

Hell hold you, tell you your beautiful and if it helps you, hell give you a self care day together

Face masks painting your nails and doing hair!

Also if you wanna do more makeup all you have to do is ask! Vil will most definitely help you out

Hes well versed! Whatever style you like! (My personal fav is douyin!)

With an eye for style, if youre not too sure on what you want im sure hes already cooked up the perfect look for you

SKINCARE VIL IS SO HAPPY hell sing your praises and go off about how happy he is that someone values their skin as they should!

Hell give you personalized products too!

A photographer x model trope too? SO CUTE(me projecting my want for a photographer partner) BUT LIKE IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE THOUGH⁉️⁉️

Vil sewing makes so much sense and after hes finished with a project hell wanna model it for magicam!

Taking photos on his own is fine but we know vil, he wants spectacular!

He trusts your artistic vision and would love having you take his photo hell come out looking beautiful and he sees it as the outcome of your combined efforts

Vil is so protective he would not let anyone harass you!

In that moment he doesnt care about his name all he carrs for is your safety and well being.

Online or in person he wont hesitate to go all in on them protectively putting himself in between you and your harasser

Quality time would definitely come in your selfcare routines together and picking outfits!

Hes pulling all the stops picking your outfits finding your color-palette

So obviously his gonna spoil you with all this makeup skin care and clothing hell have you feeling absolutely gorgeous like you’re the only person he sees!

Youre so beautiful he cant help but want to accentuate that

1. Deuce Spade

Upon first meeting you his a little intimidated by how closed off you are, but he cant help but admire you!

An honors student whos so straight and narrow! Hes gonna try to befriend you right away! Youre the exact type of person he needs to surround himself more with

Deuce is a good boy so im sure youll find yourself opening yourself up to him more and more

Once you let him in on your trust issues he feels a twinge of guilt, youve been nothing but upfront and honest to him and hes been hiding a secret since youve first met! Would you still think of him the same if you knew???

He wouldnt be able to hide it very well and upon asking him whats wrong he blurts out his past and starts apologizing for not telling you sooner

He says he understands if you would like your distance and that he shouldnt have hid something so big from you

After letting him know that youre fine with it and it wasnt that big of a deal hell be so overcome with joy!

Youre so loyal! So kind! Hes so relieved he grabs your hand to enthusiastically thank you without thinking

Before he realizes what hes done he gets a look at how cute your shocked face looks and he immediately apologizes backing away and going back to sitting awkwardly

From that day he’d be noticeably more awkward around you but who could blame him? Your so sweet!

Deuce games a bit himself, he loves you so much introduce him to the games you play the most and hell pick them up just to spend time with you

His mom raised him right so hell plan dates for you and take a lot of initiative to make sure he’s treating you with all the love you deserve

He wont touch you without permission. He knows better! Hell either have to work up the courage to hold your hand or your just gonna have to go in

He gets really worked up at times and forgets though

After his win in a track meet hell celebrate and right to you and lift you up in his arms without thinking.

Hell apologize after but as time goes on hell get more comfortable, he just wants to make sure he’s doing things right

Hell do the same after a play! You did such a great job and you look so beautiful in your costume he rushes over to tell you how amazing you were and give you flowers

Hell bring his mom to see you act too shell love you, how could she not!

Deuce is very capable in protecting you and most definitely will, i dont think i need to explain that one

The first time he does though its just like he snaps, hes so mad, more mad than youve ever seen him

After whats done is done hell apologize for acting without your permission and say things like “Im sorry, you shouldnt have seen that!”

On his hands and knees bro dont leave him!

The next time something happens hell tell you to leave because he doesnt want you seeing but he cant just let them get away with creeping on you!

Deuce might not have a way with words but he tries, so when youre feeling down about yourself or anxious hell take you for a ride

It makes sense that hed only have one helmet so assuming that you dont have one hell insist you wear his along with his hacket so you do t get hurt and make you promise to hold on tight to him

Hell take you to his secret spot and sot you down and let you let it all out “Im sorry, I didnt know what to say so i just thought id help you run away for a bit” hell listen to you for sure

Hes a bit of a romantic so i see him smiling as he watches you get ready in the morning, watching you put on mascara as he makes the eyes at you

If you turn to face him hell look away though that wont change

He loves how gentle you are sometimes it makes him feel that youre delicate, like if hes too rough hell break you and you might run away

Hes so sweet if you give him pictures you take of him hell buy a book to keep them in and label each one

Hell ask for advice studying too! Youre so smart, honors isnt easy to get in any way, dont forget that

With you in his life he really feels like hes becoming better, like someone his mom can be proud of and someone worthier of you each day that passes

——————————————-

I just wrote a bunch in the notes app and ordered them in what i thought was the cutest order, lemme know which one you liked the best too! Hope you like it❤️

[quisyop]

Wrote poetry (more word vomit) formatted like House of Leaves. It’s my first time writing long-form (ish) poetry. It’s entitled Basic Words. The formatting may not work on all devices- sorry? I might make a sequel that either works better or on desktop or just basic one. Enjoy!

Basic Words

I often try to write about perspective, and emotion, and my thoughts,

and

dreams and endless questions but I find my words, no matter the kind, are always

lacking. words firm in logic, or that flow like a river, words that dance with each other

crossed

like star lovers

or that

sit

solemnly

in

silence.

Words that that stay, that are colorful, that are

shift,

bland

that are

artistic,

that are basic,

The words I write now

fill me with anger, with

frustration,

with annoyance, because it’s not quite right.

I express the same hollow

words and desires on paper, on technology, in speech, in thought. They echo to myself

as distortions

of what I mean to put down. They are stable to others, perfectly normal,

but I see the rot that

shows its insecurity.

Words aren’t perfection despite what I want, they don’t reach perfection

despite what I want, they don’t cross all thought despite what I want

They are simple, meant only for simple meaning and conversations, not the colorful things I

think

or hear

or see.

They describe only the black and white photo

of an abstract

painting.

I continue to write the same useless words trying to express the

same useless

thoughts,

even though these things that are functional lies mean nothing to you

because you don’t recognize this black and white photo as the

same colorful

painting you see.

Words often feel cold and uncomfortable when I try to write . They feel

stiff

and rough

and angry.

Every word is angry and stiff, when my thoughts are loose

cloudy

and dreamy

happy and and l. d and and sudden.

i i

qu

Words are a science, and

thoughts are a mystery yet to be solved

I finish this poem, barely one at all, leaving unsatisfied and wanting for more.

More lines or stanzas about how I feel about how my paper doesn’t, how my

breathing

thoughts

are suffocated on the page.

The stanzas, the sentences,

the words,

the letters, the lines, they all mean nothing in the context of thought. Despite this I

push on as a writer and a thinker,

trying to connect the two in a useless attempt that

will never end.

I tried to finish this in a final paragraph of thought that summarized the

feelings I felt but it didn’t. Simple as that. I write these words again, still hollow,

still that black and white painting. I’ll probably never share these

words that

mean as

much as nothing,

that breathe as much as a corpse,

that express a void,

but it feels nice

to think that

I could one day show another.

For another to see what is blatantly

confusing and

nothing and useless and

a sad attempt to describe something

much more complex than

I’ll ever understand

feels comforting.

It gives me solace that one day someone will

have the words.

Written by ~Me~

[nouearth]

Okay, nou! I’ve been on anon for over two months but I think I’m finally ready to stand up and give myself an emoji (or two!)

Firstly, I’ll say my favorite of the 3 request ideas is definitely the bar one, but you’re gonna need a better title than what I gave you 💀

Secondly, I know these gays are gonna be pissed off if someone gives you another fic before tmhas 2 (we’re gonna start getting the “we got blank before gta vi?” but for nou fics and replace gta vi with tmhas 2) so absolutely positively no rush whatsoever even if you never write it idgaf

Thirdly, I just wanna say you’re my favorite writer EVER! and every time I think it can’t get better it does, so don’t have impostor syndrome or whatever (idk if you have that or not but I deal with it so I like to make other people feel confident in themselves too! although you probably don’t need a random anon’s opinion about anything.

And fourthly, I need to shut my mouth because I just keep rambling so I’ll be your 🥥 🌴 anon (if you’ll allow it, otherwise I’ll just be the 🥥 anon)

💌 : listen... i'm already working on tmhas 2, so no worries! i made my promise, okay.

BUT HELLO! YOU'RE THE SWEETEST. i think it's normal for everyone to have imposter syndrome, especially since i'm also... a graphic designer. 💀 imagine the struggle of having it two times for writing and then designing, lmao. it's so funny (and ironic) how easily we can comfort others when it comes to this topic, but when it comes to our own selves, we end up feeling inferior despite being very aware of our own advice. all in all, what matters is that we're not letting our insecurities stop us from creating what we find enjoyment out of. i'm always thankful that i have so many supporters like you motivating me, i don't think i would still be writing on this blog had it not been for you guys!

not the coconut tree. 😭 I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU.

[softlyapocalytpic]

Having lots of thoughts on Steelheart at the moment and decided to share some here-

I’ve really struggled a long time with posting any of my work onto the internet. For a lot of reasons, but one of them being that the stories I wanna write and tell for Fallout specifically are ones I know that very few will be interested in.

I work in social media at the moment and just being in fandom as a writer and looking at the numbers means that I know ahead of time what will “do well” on tungle dot hell or on ao3. I know what’s popular!

If I wrote Steelheart from Butch’s perspective and focused on their romance and made it more about him I know it would be at least slightly more popular- and its made me really insecure. Is the story I’m writing worth writing? Is it interesting? Would it be better to do just that?

(Please note that I do love stories that do all that as well, and this by no means a critique or shitting on them. If anything, the fact I love them so much makes me more insecure about my own writing choices.)

But, Steelheart isn’t Butch’s story. He’s the love interest, and won’t even become a perspective character until the latter half. He’s so important to the story and it wouldn’t be the same without him! But this is Amy’s story. It always has been, but I struggle constantly with whether or not it’s worth telling.

And I have to remind myself constantly of why I’m writing it. Amy’s story is just a piece of a bigger hole. Her story sets up Leo, gives context for his existence, because down the line he’s going to become a major character with entirely his own plot and story! Her story sets up Sunshine, in ways that I’ve been cagey about, but would be remarkably obvious (I think???) if anyone just. Looked at the random shit I’ve posted about them both.

And I COULD’VE told her story through flashbacks, through the stories that other people tell about her. In some ways, thematically, that would’ve been more impactful. The Lone Wanderer is a myth, a legend, a hero who very few truly knew and understood, but her story is already so heartbreaking and tragic. The hand she gets dealt is so DUMB unfair and it felt... bad? To make her just a footnote? Just a stepping stone to other heroes rise?

Because she means a lot to me- she’s the character whom is probably most reflective of my internal feelings. She’s a protector, a caretaker, even if she isn’t the same kind I am, and she struggles with feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders. When I’m in a bad spot writing out Amy’s own bad internal feelings lets me vent it out, and I have the knowledge that she always gets better. Even if her fate is ultimately a tragedy, it’s always been one that’s supposed to be marked by hope.

And yeah, numbers shouldn’t matter. Working in social media has made me almost too aware of how to get the good numbers and I hate it. I wish I wasn’t. I wish I could just write my stories because they make me happy, but it just... isn’t the reality.

Because writing and art doesn’t exist in a vaccuum! If no one stops to go “hey this is neat” it fucking hurts! And I don’t really blame people it’s just-

It hurts and is frustrating. Because I know what would make people pay attention, but I refuse to compromise my vision! I’ve been working on this world and these characters stories since fucking summer of 2017. Steelheart is one part in at least a four part series that explores so much of the world of Fallout because I ADORE this world. I have barely stopped thinking about since I got into the fandom and I just hope-

I just hope one day my love for these stories gets reflected back at me? I’ll probably have to learn to live without that but. It’d be neat. It’d be cool. It’d be chill.

I recognize that this might sound whiney or “hey come look at my fanfic because you pity me” but its really not supposed to. I kinda just, wanna voice this on my blog because its my own space. I don’t wanna just hold my thoughts to myself just because other people would take a lot of this in the wrong way.

TLDR; I really love Steelheart being fromy Amy's perspective and focusing on her journey as a person, but I'm super insecure about it because I think everyone would rather just here about her love story with Butch!! Which is super important to her growth as her person (and I really love romance as well), but I also I hope people like the other parts of it too ;;