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doctenwho · 4 years ago

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A Name For Kitty (NACP-pt2)

You asked, so you’ll recieve! I’ll be honest here though, I didn’t put a name on the cat in the first part because I had no clue what to name him-- picking names is definitely not my strong suit. So names I’ve put in this fic are from random naming site, names I stole from my friends cats and cats I know in real life.

If your cat is named one of the names in the fic, I mean no harm! They’re all cute names in their own way, I just needed to fill in the blanks!

Warning: None.

Word Count: 3,858

Summary: Check out the prompt!

(Not my gif, credit to the creator!)

“So,” you drew in the Doctor’s attention as you walked into the console room. As usual, the man’s eyes instantly fell from his control panel and landed on you for a brief second before he returned his attention. He was flying the TARDIS, so he really couldn’t take his attention away for too long.

“Yes?” he drawled, eyes back on the TARDIS controls. His tone was light, as it usually was whenever you’d surface from your room in the TARDIS.

“Kitty still needs a name,” you explained easily, flopping onto the seat in the console room. At hearing the nickname you’d stuck the cat with over the past few days, the cat let out a soft purr noise and hopped down from where he’d been sitting beside the Doctor on the console.

You smiled lightly as the cat jumped up on the chair beside you, and head butted your arm for attention, which you gladly gave him. The Doctor took a moment to pout at the loss of his friend beside him, but it didn’t last long, “a name? I thought you’d given him one?” The man glanced back at you, only to frown at your confused expression, “Kitty?”

“No,” you shook your head, “that’s just a nickname since he doesn’t have a name yet. He can’t be called kitty. That’s dumb. It’s like calling you Time-Lordy, or me humany. Besides the name Kitty for a cat is way overused, we should be more creative, don’t you think? He will be a space traveler too now.”

“Never call me Time-Lordy again,” the Doctor huffed, throwing a glare over his shoulder, “and while you’re at it, never call you, or any other human humany again.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you laughed, “it was just an example, they’re both dumb names no one would use to talk about us.”

“Uh huh,” the Doctor shook his head, “but I do see your point. So, what did you want to name him then? What will (Y/N)’s new feline companion be called?”

“He’s not just mine,” you frowned, petting the cat’s ears and listening to his calming purrs, “he’s both of ours. And it’s not fair that I’d get to name him. We should both agree on a name, and not you just agreeing because I like it. You’ve gotta like it too.”

“Really?” the Doctor perked up a little, “we’re both naming him? Like anything?”

“Well, yeah,” you smiled, “so long as we both agree. He does live here with the both of us. He already loves us both—he's definitely a joint cat. So, we’ll pick a name together.”

“I’ll need a bit to think about it,” the Doctor decided, turning his attention to you for just a second before he was back to controlling the TARDIS, “this is a lot of pressure. Any names you fancy currently?”

“Well,” you gave a small smile, “maybe Boots?”

“Boots?” the Doctor repeated with a raised eyebrow, “you want to name him Boots?”

“Yeah,” you frowned, “look at his little feet, they’re all white. He’s black, but all his feet are white. He’s almost wearing little boots.”

“Boots.” The Doctor repeated once more, trying the name out, “noh, I don’t like it.”

The man made a face like he’d bitten a lemon, “and isn’t that a bit like the name Kitty? Wouldn't that be like naming you shoes, or me fashionable coat based on what we were wearing?”

“Oh,” you huffed, “yeah, maybe... I guess so.”

“Besides,” the Doctor continued, “Boots doesn’t suit him. He’s a smart looking cat, he needs a smart name—something like... Pluto! Exemplary for a tiny space traveler, don’t you think?”

“No,” you laughed. The Doctor’s attention shot to you, eyebrows furrowed in offense, “you’re not naming our cat after a planet, Spaceman. Besides, Pluto isn’t even a planet anymore--”

“Pluto certainly is a planet,” the Doctor interrupted, crossing his arms across his chest, “I’ve been there. Definitely a planet, no matter what you humans like to think.”

“Fine, it’s not defined as a planet on earth anymore at least,” you relented, raising your hands in mock surrender, “anyways, we should think about his heritage on earth, right? He’s an earth cat, he should have an earth name—or maybe not something related directly to space.”

“Fine, fine,” the Doctor huffed, “not directly related, but I’ll still be looking for something that hints at space. He will be a space traveler, don’t forget. Earth heritage, but currently in space.”

“I won’t forget,” you laughed, scratching under the cat’s chin, which resulted in his purrs growing louder. The Doctor turned his attention back once more to smile fondly at the cat, “he’s our precious little space traveler.”

“Indeed he is. A fine little space traveler if I do say so myself,” the Doctor agreed, strutting towards the two of you to pet the cat’s head, pushing his ears back. “And I can say so.”

----

You sighed as you rested your back against the wall. Your hand was raised, cuffed to a bar that was slightly above you in the room-like cell you’d been put in. You were sitting on the floor, not really afraid, or put out by this hostage situation. You were inconvenienced if anything.

The Doctor hadn’t been the least bit nervous when the two of you had been cuffed and led along down separate hallways. This planet didn’t like the Doctor much apparently, so as soon as he’d been spotted both he, and you by default for accompanying him, had been taken into this planet’s custody.

You could only assume this hadn’t been a first, and that the Doctor had something planned to bust the two of you out, so all that you could do was wait.

So, you waited like the good little prisoner you were. You’d wait until an opportunity to escape arose, or until the Doctor opened the door to your little cell and sonic screwdriver-ed you from the cuffs.

You listened intently to everything happening on the other side of the door. Not a lot, but a couple bangs and a door closing drew in your attention. Then, it was silent once more.

“What do you think of the name Talis?”

You jumped in surprise at the voice. It carried through the walls, probably right on the other side of the wall you were leaning against. You didn’t want to admit how much that had scared you.

“Doctor?” you asked hesitantly, since you couldn’t really make out what the voce had said. It was more of a mumble. You’d gotten bits and pieces of it, but the majority was a muffle of sounds.

“(Y/N)?” The Doctor repeated, and even through the wall you could hear the sarcasm the man usually had—he was kidding around with you, “of course it’s me, this is like the most peaceful planet you’ll find. I doubt those living here even know war exists. We’re like the only being they’ve taken into custody in years—since... well, since my last visit here at least.”

“There’s no need to make fun of me when I’m held captive,” you rolled your eyes at him, but you were sure your voice was conveying the humor of the situation. “Now, what did you say before?”

“I asked you what you think of the name Talis?”

“Talis for what--” you paused, thought it over before your face scrunched up with astonishment mixed with irritation, “are you seriously suggesting cat names while we’re both held captive on this planet?”

“Well,” the Doctor paused, and you could almost imagine the impassive grin on his face, “well, that’s if you really consider us held captive. It’s very accommodating, wouldn’t you say?”

There was a moment’s pause before you heard his voice continue, “but yes, yes I am.”

You couldn’t really argue with that though—you were basically locked in a bedroom. There was even a small bathroom leading off from the side of the room. Compared to jail cells on earth, this was practically a hotel room. “I’m still cuffed to a bar,” you mumbled in reply.

“Right,” the Doctor’s voice continued, “well, you won’t be for much longer. I’ve straightened everything out; we’re just waiting for an okay to be released. All a misunderstanding. Now, what do you think of the name Talis for Kitty?”

“Why Talis?” you asked easily, stretching out as far as you could considering you were cuffed, before letting your head fall back against the wall.

“Well, it’s a common name on this side of the universe, this planet included. Kitty looks like a Talis, doesn’t he? It would suit him, I think.”

“Let me get this straight,” you turned to look back at the wall, knowing that you couldn’t actually see the Doctor. You liked to hope he got the sentiment of it anyways, even though he couldn’t see you either, “you wanna name our kitty after the people who imprisoned us at first glance?”

“To be fair, I did technically have a criminal record here,” you opened your mouth to question that, but the Doctor’s voice continued before you could, “and before you even ask, it was all a misunderstanding. They’re actually incredibly nice here.”

“We’re locked in cells, Doctor.” You reminded. “It doesn’t matter how friendly they are when we’re locked in rooms and cuffed to metal bars.”

“Right, fine,” the man sighed on the other side of the wall, “I’ll take that as a no then.”

“Keep thinking,” you relaxed back against the wall, “we’ll find a name for him sooner or later.”

----

As it turned out, cats went through food and litter remarkably fast. Only a week after getting the first bag of cat food, and a box of litter is seemed that you guys were out of it. So Kitty eats and poops a lot-- like every other cat on the planet.

It wasn’t that upsetting though, since you had an excuse to go in and look at cat toys and other play things, since Kitty had started sharpening his claws on the TARDIS furniture (which the time and space machine, and the alien owning it, were upset about).

He’d need a cat tree, and a scratching post if he was going to be spending all his time on the TARDIS. Plus, the cat had been playing with the Doctor’s shoelaces—while they were still on the Doctor’s feet—which included pulling them untied and then walking away leaving the Doctor to unknowingly trip over his laces.

As humorous as that was, you were afraid that the Time-Lord was going to break something, so Kitty really needed toys.

Besides, the Doctor didn’t even really mind going to the pet story for Kitty’s sake. Not since he’d gotten attached to the feline just days after meeting him.

The two of you had decided to leave kitty in the TARDIS, even though he technically could come into the pet shop with you. You didn’t want to stress him out though, and he was perfectly content just snoozing on the TARDIS console like he usually did.

Shopping for cat stuff was a lot more fun that shopping for things for yourself, and it was almost as fun as shopping at alien shops on different planets. The Doctor always seemed endlessly amused when looking around human shops down on earth.

Today though, as the two of you grabbed different cat items, you bickered back and forth. You’d still not made any progress on picking a name for the poor cat. Names you liked the Doctor did not, and names he picked out you weren’t fond of.

Who’d’ve thought that this would be so hard?

“Murphey’s a cute name,” you frowned, “it’s different, but it’s not that different.”

“It’s so weird,” the Doctor scrunched his nose us, “it... it’s just a weird name. I don’t even know what to say about it.”

“What,” you turned to look at the Doctor as you grabbed a bag of dry cat food, “Murphey’s weird but Garrus isn’t?”

“Garrus is a sophisticated name,” the Doctor snarked, “it’s way better than Murphey.”

“It is not,” you rolled your eyes, “I’ve never even heard of the name Garrus--”

“And I’ve never heard of Murphey!”

“Is there anything I can help the two of you with?” And employee asked, looking between the two of you awkwardly. It was only then that you noticed the two of you were bickering rather loudly. “Oh, uh no,” you said.

But at the same time as you the Doctor responded with a bold, “yes!”

“Okay,” the employee frowned, looking at you for a moment before glancing at the Doctor and asking a shy, “what can I help you with?”

“We’ve just rescued a cat,” you explained, to which the employee nodded thoughtfully. “He still needs a name. But we haven’t been able to agree on one.”

“I see,” the employee gave another nod, “what names are you guys going between?”

“We still aren’t sure, but the ones we’re thinking about right now are Murphey and--”

“Garrus,” the Doctor added quickly, looking at the employee expectantly. “Which one do you like more?”

The employee suddenly looked put on the spot, and you felt bad. They looked hurriedly between the two of you before finally speaking, “Garrus is... uhm, cute,” they said slowly. The Doctor turned to grin at you, but the employee continued speaking, “but I’d have to go with Murphey.”

“You earth people are all the same,” the Doctor scowled, which looked more like a pout. “Earth’s loss that they don’t have good names like Garrus.”

“Thank you,” you told the employee while ignoring the Doctor completely. The employee gave the Doctor a nervous glance before giving you a respectful nod and quickly moving away to assist another customer.

“You’re pouting,” you mumbled to the Doctor when the employee was gone.

“Am not,” the man pouted, tossing a catnip mouse into the basket you were holding, “earth people have no taste in good cat names.”

“Neither do aliens from Gallifrey,” you snorted. “We don’t have to name him Garrus or Murphey. Some name will come along that we’ll both like, right?”

“I’m not sure anymore,” the Doctor groaned, “we can’t agree on anything.”

----

“We’re not naming him Jax!” The Doctor groaned as the two of you ran. There were at least seven armed and armored guards after the two of you after you’d snuck into some building. You weren’t even sure what you were doing here, but the Doctor had led you along like he always did.

You really hadn’t meant to say the name out loud—not when the two of you were literally sneaking around. It had just... kinda come out. You hadn’t even whispered. It was like you had a hurrah moment of thinking of the name and needed to share it instantly without even taking a second to remember where you were.

Attention had been drawn to the two of you almost instantaneously. There’d been a sharp moment of silence while the guards looked amongst each other to see who’d said a random word, until their attention landed on you and the Doctor. And from there, the Doctor was ushering you along and the troops were running after you.

“Why not?” you whined as the Doctor snagged your hand and made a sharp turn down a hallway, dragging you along in tow.

“What kind of a name even is Jax?” the Doctor hissed, pulling you along, “we’ll talk more about that monstrosity in the TARDIS later.”

“Yeah, alright,” you laughed as he dragged you along.

----

You’d never liked when the TARDIS would randomly land on other people’s ships. It felt rude to you, and it was certainly weird when others found you and the Doctor on their ship. In space. Without docking anywhere or have teleportation.

The looks on people’s faces were hilarious.

But, of course, most people instantly thought the two of you were a threat—especially when you happened to land in human-earth space ships.

“Who the hell are you?” the captain of the spaceship (you assumed) demanded, pointing a gun at the Doctor. One of the crewmates was holding onto you, keeping your hands behind your back. “How the hell’d you get here?”

“I’m the Doctor,” the man introduced with his usual flare, “and this is my companion, (Y/N). Say hello, (Y/N).”

“Hi,” you huffed from where you were being held in place.

“How’d you get here?” the captain asked sternly, not looking satisfied with the Doctor’s answers in the slightest.

“In a spaceship, of course,” the Doctor shrugged, earning a scowl from the captain. You wanted to wince and remind the Doctor that hostile humans weren’t usually ones for jokes or sarcasm—especially when they had guns. “We are in space, aren’t we?”

“Let me rephrase,” the captain growl, “how’d you get in here.”

“We landed in one of your storage cupboards,” the Doctor continued on, frowning at the captain in apology, “and sorry ‘bout that, sometime you just can’t get the landing right.”

“You landed in our storage?”

“Yeah, accident. Sorry. We really didn’t mean to, but well, when you land, you’ve gotta explore. If you just let us go we can get back to my ship and we’ll leave.”

“You want us to let you go?” the captain raised an eyebrow, “after we caught you trespassing on a ship that’s orbiting space?”

“Uh, essentially, yes. We’d very much appreciate that--” the Doctor’s attention turned to you suddenly, “Cyprus?”

You instantly knew what he was talking about. It was a stupid name for the cat. He’d just blurted a name for your rescue cat while the two of you were actually in danger of being shot.

However, the others in the room did not know the Doctor was talking about your cat. They exchanged harsh glances before everyone tightened their stances as if the Doctor was about to lash out. You mouthed a very annunciated ‘no’ at the Doctor to which he pouted again, furrowing his eyebrows.

“What does that mean?” the captain snarled, “some kind of secret code? Tell us what it means.”

“It’s a cat name!” You panicked, seeing as the captain cocked the gun towards the Doctor’s head, “it’s a cat name, he wants to name our cat that! Don’t shoot him!”

“Really?” the captain grimaced, looking around the room at the crew’s matching disapproving expressions. The captain lowered the gun “that’s a stupid name for a cat.”

“Oh for the love of all things holy,” the Doctor huffed in irritation, “it’s a good name! You humans just have horrid taste in names!”

“Ignore him,” you huffed, “that’s honestly one of the better names he’s suggested.”

“Don’t let him name a cat Cyprus,” the captain frowned.

“Aye!” the Doctor scowled, glaring around the room—which included glaring at you.

“Oh, I won’t,” you promised with a sigh.

“Let her go,” the captain gave a dismissing wave of their hand and you were instantly let go. “Him too, I guess. Take your ship and leave, y’hear?”

“Loud and clear,” the Doctor pouted. “And I’ll name him Cyprus if I want.”

The Doctor turned on his heels and marched out of the room, leaving you to whisper a ‘no he won’t.’ just loud enough for the captain to hear before you were following behind the Doctor.

----

It was a quiet night in when the two of you finally agreed on a name for the little tuxedo cat you’d rescued from the streets.

The Doctor and you were sat in the chair in the console room side by side, arms pushed against each other as you squeezed on the chair together. The cat was sprawled against both your laps, head and front paws almost curled into the Doctor’s abdomen, while his bottom half and fluffy tail were spread along your lap.

He really was the cutest thing.

His purrs filled the room, soft and calming. It added nicely to the usual buzz of the TARDIS, which you’d gotten used to and barely even noticed now.

The Doctor had stabilized the TARDIS in space for the night, like he usually did unless he was on a planet he trusted (like earth).

It was that calm time before you’d head off to bed and the Doctor was do whatever it was that he did before going to bed. The cat usually followed you to bed and cuddled with you until you fell asleep, which was when he’d leave to join the Doctor wherever he was. You always woke up to the cat in your bed with you though, cuddled right into your side and purring happily in his sleep.

“What do you think about Calcifer?”

You opened your mouth to refute it—like you had for all the other of the Doctor’s strange suggestions, but you snapped you mouth closed before you said anything. It actually had a nice ring to it—unique but not way out of your world unique.

The Doctor turned his attention away from the cat to look over at you with a soft, fond look.

“Why Calcifer?” You asked quietly as you had before. You liked to hear his reasonings, to hear his thought process when suggesting a name—even if the name wasn’t very... normal?

“Well,” the man looked back at the cat, carefully dragging his fingers through the cat’s soft fur, biting his bottom lip, “it’s a bit of a fairytale from my home planet."

“What kind of fairytale?” you asked intrigued, leaning a bit into the Doctor.

“As the story goes, Calcifer was a falling star who fell to Gallifrey. He was caught before he could fall to the ground and extinguish. This falling star was very powerful and he offered the one to save him a deal... but, I can’t really remember the rest of it. I think Calcifer really suits kitty.”

“Calcifer,” you tested the name, “we could call him Cal for short.”

“Cal,” the Doctor repeats. “I like it.”

“I do to,” you agreed with a smile. “I told you we’d find a name we’d both like.”

“It’s perfect for a space traveler too,” the Doctor gave an affirming nod, “a fallen star.”

“And we can take him to the vets on earth without getting strange looks for his name.”

“Yeah, that too,” the Doctor gave a laugh.

With that, you looked down at the cat in the Doctor’s lap, “whaddya think kitty? You like the name Calcifer?” The cat gave a positive purr sound, which he was notorious for, before he stretched across the both of your laps and cupped his little paws around his own face as he stretched.

“He likes it,” the Doctor translated jokingly with a snort.

“Calcifer the cat.” You returned the laugh, smiling brightly at the Doctor.

“Perfect,” the Doctor gave a matching grin, “now all we have to do is put that on the front of his tag and he’ll be set. Glad we settled on a name finally, that was starting to get embarrassing.”

“It really was,” you groaned letting your head fall onto the Doctor’s shoulder. It was quiet for a second before you were laughing to yourself. “We’re never naming anything else. Cal’s it.”

“Agreed.”

<><><><>

Thanks once more for reading, and for the prompt! I love fulfilling people’s requests! Not sure if this was funny or boring or even what you were looking for, but I tried! Feel free to prompt me again if it’s not what you wanted!

Just as a bit of backstory this whole cat in general is based off my baby boy Murphey-- which I was going to make the endgame name until I thought of Calcifer. I needed something in between alien and also kinda earth sounding. Shout out to those who know Howl’s Moving Castle (even though I switched it up a bit) and get the name reference :D

#10th doctor #10th doctor x reader #10th doctor x you #doctor who #doctor who 2005 #fanfic #fanfiction #reader insert #tardis #tenth doctor #tenth doctor x you #tenth doctor x reader #TARDIS

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bcdwhcre · 4 years ago

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“Stars Aligned,” Ch. 5

A/N: this is my fanfic on wattpad! There are currently 9 chapters on there but I’m slowly posting them here! @/ xTodorcki

First 4 chapters can be found on this Masterlist

It was sadly another severe training day, Aizawa had made it clear on what he expected to be done from the class today and how everyone was also going up against some pros but mostly against each other.

He had mentioned to partner up, a few people had asked you. Mostly Midoryia and Todoroki, you were trying to figure out if you even wanted to train with them today.

"Idiots, she's my partner for today." Bakugou had shut down the two boys who had asked you and also Mineta who was creepily standing behind you, waiting for the chance but got scared when he seen Bakugou.

"Why do you want me as a partner?" You questioned him and he simply shrugged his shoulders, not giving you a clear answer.

"I think you're more of a competition than anyone else in this class." He muttered, causing you to raise your eyebrows in amusement.

"Katsuki admitting that my quirk is actually some competition? Was it the lava that spooked ya?" You were trying to joke around with him, even nudged him gently with your elbow but your laugh fell when he glared at you.

"Whatever, dumb ass. Are we going to train or are you going to ramble on all day?" He was already getting annoyed but that's not unusual for him so you didn't really care much.

"Wanna finally talk about yesterday?" You mentioned, reminding him about yesterday events of you two in the weight room.

Bakugou had tried to remove the thoughts from his head last night, he was practically sleepless thinking about how Todoroki had angered him so much that there was no way to contain his rage of wanting to fight him over and over again.

"What about yesterday?" He tried to pretend like he already had forgotten about it, like it went over his head and didn't bother him one bit even though the truth was that it still made him want to rage a little.

"Forget about it," You caught on to him trying to play it cool, you knew how he reacted when it came to his emotions so you never wanted to pressure anyone, especially him, to try and express them.

Bakugou was just naturally angry and you accepted that, it didn't really bother you that much. Yeah it got on your nerves, it irritated you how you wanted to punch his face but you could also put up with the snarky attitude and also put him in his place when needed, that's why he hated you so much.

You had snapped out of your thoughts when Bakugou decided to start the partner up training exercise. He wanted to test your abilities again but he was sure to be careful of another black out lava trick again especially when you have no sense of control over it yet.

The training had went on for maybe an hour, he was trying to talk about your lava and how you should use that considering how powerful it could be once you have that full control. You never heard advice from Katsuki so you were pretty shocked when he stood there trying to talk to you about your quirk and how it could be more if you put more time into it.

"Your quirk still sucks but it has some potential." He added, crossing his arms over his chest and you stared at him for just a moment.

"Your quirk sucks." You mentioned, rolling your eyes and seen the irritation on his face.

"I was trying to help you, idiot!" You giggle at his small outburst, shaking your head and started to walk beside him back to the locker rooms to change out of the gym clothes.

"Don't get so hot headed, Katsuki. I was only joking with you."

"I'm not hot headed."

"Maybe a litttttttle." You dragged on, seeing him mumble under his breath and you nudged him again.

"C'monnn, I make your life somewhat entertaining, quit being a little party pooper."

"Party pooper? The hell is that?" He gave you a dirty look, the confused look on his face afterwards had made you laugh again.

"Just not a party person I guess you can say, that's you. The lone wolf."

"There's nothing wrong with being a lone wolf." He mentioned, parting ways once everyone had gotten to the locker rooms.

As you went inside, changing back into your school uniform Ashido and Yaoyorozu had walked up to you, the look of pure excitement on their faces.

"Hey, Y/N. We wanted to ask you something." Ashido spoke first, sitting down on the bench as you finished up and grabbed your bag.

"By the look on your faces, seems like you're planning something." You said, leaning back against the lockers.

"My parents are actually going out of town, something about alone time vacation blah blah. So I was thinking of throwing a party tonight since it's Friday and we could all use a break. Just us classmates." Yaoyorozu explained, you had never really went to a school party before so you were pretty tempted to go.

"We're also having a sleepover, I would say just girls but I really don't care if the bone heads sleep over too they'll be in a separate room though." She added, giving you the puppy eyes look as if she was pleading for you to go with just her eyes.

"I'll tell my dad, I'm sure he'll let me go either way— he wanted me to come here and make friends anyways." You shrugged, standing up straight and started walking towards the exit.

"Text me the details!" You shouted at them, walking outside and meeting with Izuku and Shoto again.

"How was it like having Bakugou as a partner?" Midoryia asked straight away, not giving you time to even say hello to them.

You walked towards the gate, shrugging your shoulders and stuffing your hands inside of your pockets.

"He actually gave me a little bit of advice, still said my quirk sucks though."

You laughed, soon shutting your mouth and listening to Midoryia ramble on about today and his quirk and everything else between. Soon enough his talking made time go by fast because you were now standing in front of your house. To your surprise you found out last week that Todoroki had actually lived down the street and Midoryia was a few streets down from your house.

It was a good thing that you had people to walk home with you even though you didn't mind the peace and quiet to gather your thoughts and think about stuff.

"Are you guys going to Yaoyorozu's tonight?" You asked as you opened up the gate that had wrapped around the semi big house.

"Wouldn't miss it." Midoryia waved goodbye, you watched them walk away together before going up to the front door and walking inside.

You kicked your shoes off by the door, staying quiet to see if you can hear if your father was home or not until you heard him call your name. You cursed under your breath, setting your bag down by the door and walking to where he was in the kitchen, you can tell he had barely just came home maybe minutes before you. He still had his suit on and was looking at his watch like he only had a short period of time left.

"I know we weren't able to talk yesterday about the sports festival, I had gotten a call half way through and by the time I came home you were asleep." He started off, lifting up the small cup of whiskey he had and took a swing at it, drinking whatever was left in it.

"I'm proud of how far you've gone but third still isn't enough to become a successful pro." You knew that was coming.

"Yes, I know." You stood still, waiting for him to finish the small lecture he gave out about training and doing this with your quirk.

After he was finished, he had rushed back out the door. You had to quickly ask about going to your classmates house, he didn't even hear anything— all he said was yes. You huffed out a breath once the house grew quiet again.

It was normal for your father to be gone all day or for days at a time. He was always gone doing hero work somewhere whether it was in the city or far away. You didn't mind, less time of him to lecture you because when he was off, all he did was force you to train with him for hours on end until you were too weak and tired to stand.

You hated how strict he was on you about your training, maybe it was because of the fact you were now an only child after your sister and mother died years ago from a villain incident. Even then, he had no right to be as hard as he is now but he did it all to make sure you can defend yourself. He couldn't bare to lose you too. He couldn't even forgive himself about what happened all those years ago but he learned to live with it to be a better parent for you, even if it meant training you all hours of the day and pushing you to be better.

You guys are more than welcome to head over to wattpad to read the rest of the chapters! I will be uploading chapter 10 tonight🥺 or you can wait for the chapters here as well

• Main Masterlist •

#bakugou imagines #mha bakugou #bakugou fanfic #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #bakugou #bakugou imagine #bakugo imagines #bakugo imagine #bakugo x reader #bakugo fanfic #mha fanfic #bakugou headcanons #bakugo headcanons #mha x reader #mha headcanons #mha imaginss

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cuttlefishkitch · 4 years ago

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hello! i haven't talked to you before, but ron said that i could ask you for some advice on writing eds? (i'd like to know things to avoid/common things that could come up in everyday life that would be good to mention/the sort of aids and stuff they'd have maybe?/anything else you think is relevant)

Hi! Sorry this took so long, a combination of ADHD and chronic pain slowed me way the fuck down. Thank you for being patient!

EDIT: WEIRD HEEL THINGS I FORGOT!!

So, before I get into this I should probably say I technically haven’t been diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS for anyone reading) because it’s one of those syndromes that takes forever to get diagnosed with (it took a friend of mine’s mother over 30 years to get dxed). Many doctors, and everyone I know who does have EDS agree with me that it’s probably what causes my chronic joint pain and some of my other chronic issues. But just because three separate doctors have said “Yeah Probably” doesn’t mean I’m diagnosed!! Only a geneticist can do that!! And they had two-three year waitlists BEFORE the apocalypse happened.

I am diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Small Fiber Neuropathy, and potentially misdiagnosed with Fibromyalgia (once I get properly tested for EDS I might get undiagnosed with this because I don’t have most of the main symptoms of Fibro, but I got diagnosed with it anyway because it’s what doctors misDX you with when they don’t know what’s wrong with you and don’t want to do more tests).

All that said, I’ve done a lot of research about EDS (mainly because it’s the only thing that explains all my symptoms since doctors seem incapable of doing so), and know a few people who have either confirmed or suspected EDS, so I’ll link to some stuff, talk about the symptoms that often come with EDS, explain how the symptoms I have affect me, because just because someone’s not diagnosed doesn’t mean they aren’t having symptoms, and probs elaborate a bit about writing physical disabilities and chronic pain in general because it’s super important to me!

So RESOURCES aka how to make sure your post never sees the light of day because you’re linking things and tumblr hates it when people give other people information!!

Youtubers! If you want to know about the day to day of living with EDS or any disability or chronic illness I super suggest finding a youtuber that makes videos about their life. My EDS favorites are

Jessica Kellgren-Fozard

Annie Elainey

Amy Lee Fisher

Websites! If you’re asking random folks on tumblr I’m assuming (and hoping) you’ve already done the basic WebMD google searches and looked over the seemingly ridiculous lists of symptoms and related conditions, so here are a few websites that are made more for people than for doctors.

The Ehlers Danlos Society

OhTWIST (That’s Why I’m So Tired)

ChronicPainPartners (the fact that they have an entire section of articles called “Dealing with Doctors” should really tell you something)

Books! If you feel like doing actual reading! I suggest reading books written by people with Ehlers Danlos, to get a feel for how they portray themselves. I’m not saying steal, but it’s probably a good point of comparison to see how your portrayal feels. (haven’t actually read these b/c my ADHD doesn’t let me read)

Ria Ruse by Morgan S. Ray (a superhero book with a disabled super MC!!)

Mysteries of Maybelle by Imani Benfell (Imani is still in high school and has already written and self-published a book cause she didn’t have enough representation for herself how cool is she!!)

Bodies in Motion by Liana Brooks (tw for pregnancy problems and miscarriages in the link, because it’s a blog post talking about integrating EDS symptoms into the story without explicitly naming them as such)

OKAY, now for some rambling about EDS SYMPTOMS!!!

Ehlers Danlos is one monster of a genetic condition in complexity and variety. There are THIRTEEN different identified types of EDS, it often comes with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and/or POTS, and can lead to various other conditions like gastroparesis, chiari malformation, craniocervical instability, and/or bad teeth. So if you’re going to be writing a character with EDS consider what other comorbid conditions they might also have. I’m mainly going to be talking about Hypermobile EDS (hEDS) because it’s what I probably have and what I’m most familiar with. That said there is a lot of overlap in symptoms with the other varieties.

I started typing this section and realized I was going to have to break it down even more so we’re going to talk about Chronic Pain, Unstable Joints (Dislocations and Subluxations), Skin Things, Mobility Issues, and Other Weird Shit and how those things get addressed separately.

Gonna get the Other Weird Shit out of the way first. Because EDS is a malfunction of connective tissue it can fuck up all sorts of random things. For instance, I and many other people w/ hEDS have trouble swallowing. Shit gets stuck in my throat, I sometimes choke on and have to cough up food, and pills can be hard to swallow, which sucks cause I take A Lot Of Pills. If it doesn’t cause full-on gastroparesis it can cause IBS or other digestive problems b/c the digestive tract is mostly made of connective tissue. It can potentially cause heart problems even if they aren’t as big of a risk as in some other forms of EDS. Premature osteoarthritis is common because what you need is more joint pain. And Fatigue OH BOY THE FATIGUE. And of course the headaches, can’t forget those pesky migraines can we!

AND piezogenic papules!! I completely forgot!! Piezogenic papules are little white bumps that appear when you put weight on your heel. In some people they hurt, but in others they don’t. They’re technically tiny little herniations of fat peaking through the fascia in the heel. They were added as part of the diagnostic criteria for hEDS in 2017!

Now for Skin Things cause it’s not as big a thing in hEDS as it is in other forms. Basically, in a lot of forms of EDS, the skin is extra stretchy and extra delicate. It bruises and tears easily, people with the extreme versions of this can accidentally scratch something into an open wound if they aren’t careful. My skin is pretty soft and sensitive, I def have the typical velvety skin, and as is pretty par for the course of someone with hEDS my skin is a little stretchy, and sorta delicate. I’m not as tissue-papery as some people get, but I almost always have at least one mystery bruise or scrape b/c existing is hazardous. Most of scars are also pretty normal, unlike the extremely papery and atrophic scars (though I have a few tiny acne scars that are atrophic) that are common with other kinds of hEDS. Something that I DO have is Lots of Stretch Marks, all over my thighs, and even down to my calves. Which wouldn’t be abnormal, except for the fact that I’ve never been over 145 lbs and I’ve never been pregnant. Having a lot of stretch marks or striations in the skin without due cause happens because the structure of the skin isn’t as strong as it is in people with a normal amount of connective tissue.

I don’t have to worry as much about my skin but people that do are usually very careful with adhesives because they can irritate or tear the skin, which sucks when you need a lot of bandaids cause your darn skin won’t do its job.

Now on to the meatier stuff and since I’m mostly working backward let’s do Mobility Issues!! These can happen in loads of ways, but a lot of what causes these in people with EDS are the other two things I wanna talk about. Unstable joints lead to increased risk of injury when doing stuff people with fully functioning joints can do.

For context, I’m an ambulatory wheelchair user, meaning I can walk, but a lot of the time it’s better if use a chair. Mine is mostly for my POTS symptoms, but the fact that my legs aren’t also in absolute agony is a big plus. I use a custom manual wheelchair with a SmartDrive (b/c I’m very fucking fortunate and have good insurance) whenever I leave the house and have to be “walking” for more than a few minutes at a time. I can’t fully self-propel in a manual chair because it would be damaging to the joints in my arms and hands, but the smaller chair is easier to maneuver in less than accessible spaces (like almost everywhere). There was about a month-long span where I used a very cheap and very bulky electric chair while I was waiting on the ideal set up I have now. Before that, I also briefly used, and sometimes still use, an up-right posture cane.

People with EDS have widely varying mobility issues because of how uniquely it can manifest. My cane only gave me a little help with balance because if I used it in any prolonged capacity any pain it took away from my legs was relocated to my arms, and as an artist, my arms are more important to me!

If you’re going to write a character with EDS having mobility issues as a result of their EDS the best thing to do is to narrow down their specific needs. Are their knees complete and utter garbage but their shoulders and wrists strong? Maybe they can get away with using a cane. Can they not stand for longer than 5 minutes because of the vertigo from their POTS? Maybe they need a manual wheelchair. Would propelling themself damage their back and arm joints? An electric chair might be necessary! Plenty of people with EDS use all sorts of combinations of these aides to get around their life, consider how your character’s good and bad days would be. Do they have back up plans if they overestimate themselves? There can be a lot to manage, but don’t let it scare you off! Sometimes I try and make it into a resource management game (because I’m a game designer and that’s what I do), to make evaluating my energy and mobility needs more fun!

But now let's tackle some of the reasons those mobility aides might be needed. Unstable Joints.

Ever stepped wrong and rolled your ankle? It hurts for a few steps and then kinda fixes itself, or maybe it bothers you for the rest of the day and you put it up and ice it when you get home? When I was walking around outside my house that would happen AT LEAST once a month, usually more. Some times I’m sitting wrong and when I get up my knee isn’t a knee anymore and decides to just give out from under me. My knuckles are made of unruly popcorn and they Don’t Want To Stay Home!! Oh! And my shoulder is more often out a little out of its socket than it is fully in.

Unstable joints lead to Dislocations and Subluxations of varying intensity, and some people get them more frequently than others. Some can be severe enough to necessitate hospital visits and even surgery, some subluxations are so banal (like my fUCKING SHOULDER) that you just learn to live with the pain.

If a character is going to be in high action, combat-heavy scenarios, chances are they’re going to be popping out joints left and right. Hell, depending on the severity of their joint laxity they could be doing the same sitting at a desk. Again, it’s incredibly varied. I’d suggest setting some sort of baseline for yourself, of what a character’s joints can and can’t stand up to, and maybe do some research on which joints are most likely to pop out in general (hips and shoulders are big culprits being the wacky ball and socket motherfuckers they are). Then maybe have something pop out or hold up every so often when it shouldn’t cause hey! EDS is kinda just like that! Unpredictable!

Some ways people manage joint laxity is with braces, KT tape, and physical therapy. Braces come in many different forms, since I’m currently getting pretty much no treatment for my shitty joints I use mostly compression braces made for sporty people. It really is amazing how much a bit of tight fabric can do to keep my wrist in place.

More specialized braces often have solid parts to prevent the joints from hyper-extending (bending the wrong way) and causing further damage. If you ever see someone with what looks like diamond shaped rings around a bunch of their finger joints, chances are those are Ring Splints, and are there to keep the finger shaped like a finger. I want to get my hands on some and get some on my hands Very Badly, because my fingers hyper-extend SO MUCH when I type, and it makes my hand pain way way worse.

KT tape is another thing people often use. It’s stretchy tape you put on your skin and it basically functions kinda like a second ligament as well as reinforcing the joint and keeping the bones mostly where they’re supposed to be. The problem with this is a lot of people with EDS have very sensitive and fragile skin like I mentioned before, so KT tape can cause allergic reactions, chronic skin irritation, or just straight up take the skin with it when someone goes to remove it. Hence a lot of folks are really careful with it.

Physical Therapy is kinda the best (and only) treatment for joint laxity aside from Very Invasive and sometimes Highly Experimental surgery. It focuses on strengthening the muscles around the joints so they can do the work all those bone ropes made of body glue can’t. The problem is finding a physical therapist that 1) knows what EDS even is, 2) knows you have it, and 3) knows how to treat it without doing stuff that’ll Phucking Hurt You Worse!! Because exercising wrong with EDS can do Permanent Damage!!!

Again most folks use a combination of all of these things, or have next to no access to them b/c healthcare sucks.

Anyway, on to one of my favorite topics, Chronic Pain!! One of the reasons this post took me so long!!!

Chances are if your character has chronic pain as a result of their EDS there are gonna be some things they hate, including stairs, rain, thunderstorms, stairs, hills, uneven terrain, oh and did I mention stairs??? It’s going to vary person to person, but almost everyone I’ve met with pain from EDS has complained about their knees. For me the most debilitating pain is in my fingers and wrists. They’re by far my least stable joints but I use them constantly for stuff like drawing, typing, and sewing.

Because my joint pain is so wide spread, like most people’s with hEDS, it effects every single part of my day to day life. I can’t carry a heavy ceramic plate, open a bottle, or even use my computer without pain. It’s practically impossible for me to get comfortable in any position be it sitting or laying down, and as you can imagine that makes it hard to sleep a lot of the time. Moving too much hurts, but so does sitting still. I’m constantly taking braces on and off or cracking/stretching my joints so they pop back into place and hurt less.

Also being in pain makes everything else That Much Worse. I get tired way faster than I did before my pain was this bad (I had chronic pain for a while before actually realizing it wasn’t normal to not be able to walk down the block without feeling like your foot bones are trying to escape). My sensory issues and anxiety disorder are more easily aggravated because my base level of comfort is way worse. It fucks with my depression. And OH BOY does it make my ADHD worse because being in pain is fucking distracting as hell and makes it harder to make decisions and switch tasks. Also my ADHD often makes my other symptoms worse cause I forget to take my meds, don’t drink enough water, or can’t find my fucking braces because the item eating black-hole that comes with ADHD stole them. The intersection of mental and physical disabilities is probably a rant for another time though, so back to chronic pain.

Does it suck? Yes, undoubtedly. Is this incredibly debilitating? Of course it is, I spent the last several months unable to feed myself without assistance because there was a staircase between my room and the kitchen and I could only manage to climb it once a day. Is it overwhelming? Definitely, I’ve frequently broken down crying from a combination of pain and frustration because I’m having a bad day and there’s no relief to be found. Am I able to predict when it’s going to rain with uncanny accuracy because any change in barometric pressure makes me feel like every bone in my body is trying to kill it’s neighbors? You bet your fucking ass I am!! Does it sometimes make me irritable, angry, and occasionally dismissive of when abled people get cold or a temporary injury because the stuff they’re complaining about is my life every single day and all avenues of treatment and recovery I have could take years and still not entirely solve my issues? Yeah, and while I deserve a little extra patience I also have to be sure to check myself because I don’t want to turn into someone who’s nasty to be around. Do I sometimes need to sleep for 17 hours straight because it’s raining, I have migraine, and I’m in too much pain to be conscious? Yup, sometimes a few days in a row. Does living in constant pain mean I’m unable to do all the things I want to and does that sometimes make me wanna curl up in bed and never leave? Yeah, it happens.

But! And here’s the big important but, that’s not everything! I still write, draw, and talk to my friends!! It might take me a little longer but I get there. I’m still happy and excitable and make the time to write out five page long posts about EDS because it’s something I’m passionate about! My chronic pain doesn’t stop me. I refuse to let it. I never really wanted to go mountain climbing anyway, so I’m perfectly happy being able to make it up and down the six steps in my house, even if sometimes I have to sit and bump down them on my ass, or crawl up them like a cat. Chronic pain isn’t all I am. It isn’t a fate worse than death. It isn’t the only thing your character should talk about (though I do talk about my pain a lot cause I’m a complainer about almost everything). You can have your character be hindered by their pain, realistically they would be. You can have them seek comfort, support, and relief. Other characters can commiserate and be sympathetic, but it doesn’t mean their whole life is going to be one big pity party, that would be incredibly fucking boring. I know I’d be bored out of my mind.

All that said dealing with chronic pain, especially from EDS, is Complicated. Physical Therapy is the gold standard, but like I said before it can be a long and difficult process, and isn’t always accessible. Stabilization methods like I talked about before can help prevent pain, or reduce it by keeping bones mostly where they belong. Heat and cold help joints, relax muscles, and reduce inflammation but keeping them applied is rough and the relief doesn’t always last. Doctors prescribe anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, and sometimes even anti-epileptic medication to help manage pain, but everyone’s mileage with those varies. And I’m not at all qualified to talk in-depth about narcotics or other heavy duty pain-meds, but suffice to say the war on drugs fucked shit up for people that legit need that kind of help BIG TIME.

Now for my closer/bonus rant about EDS and Disability Writing in General!

Everyone always says write what you know, so if you really want to do disabled people justice, get to know disabled people! Make friends with disabled people, get involved with advocacy groups, consume content made by disabled creators both about disability and not! Disabilities are so fucking diverse, even EDS is such a complex disorder, and comes with so many potential co-morbidities, that practically everyone with it has a unique experience. There’s no way I can fully explain everything in a tumblr post. Hell, even if I could talk to you for hours probably couldn’t give you enough info to answer all your questions (especially since I’m still in diagnosis hell :,) ), so talk to a wide range of people with EDS and other disabilities!! I know it sounds like a lot of work but trust me, disabled people are some of the strongest, raddest, coolest, people you will ever meet that it won’t feel like it.

And don’t be afraid either, the fact that EDS and other disabilities are so wildly varied means that you have a little bit of wiggle room with your character’s experience. There’s so little disability rep out their I think people are WAY to scared to try their hand at writing it. So long as your character is a fully developed person in addition to being disabled, you give some logical thought as to how it would affect their life, and you don’t make their disability the butt of any joke it isn’t difficult to avoid ableist writing. PLEASE WRITE MORE DISABLED PEOPLE AND PEOPLE WITH CHRONIC PAIN/CHRONIC ILLNESS!!

Okay that’s it, again sorry it took so long for me to get back to you! My fingers were being little pests about it, and my ADHD (which is honestly more disabling than everything else a lot of the time lmao) was being an asshole! Hope this helps, and feel free to ask me more questions if you need clarification! It might take me a bit but I do love talking about this stuff.

#neela-chaan #ehlers danlos syndrome #EDS #hEDS #hypermobile ehlers danlos #disability #writing advice #disability writing #Chronic Pain #asks #SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG IM JUST SLOW #also i'm sorry the formatting is such a wreck #my adhd won't let me go back and fix it #and i've already spent way too much time

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actuallylorelaigilmore · 4 years ago

Text

a primary walks into a bar...

jennifer x deacon, 12 monkeys. also on ao3.

the first fic i drafted for these two, just a bit of fun set immediately post-canon. jennifer POV.

(i’ve decided to embrace imperfections instead of holding onto my stories for these two until i feel better acquainted with them. if my later fics are more in character, then at least i’ll have written more fics, which is a net positive.)

“I don’t want to forget the past.” She tried to press meaning into every syllable, tried to gift him their history in code, if only it were possible. “I want to keep the past.”

He nodded, still leaned in close, like he actually cared about what she had to say. Excellent customer service. Five stars, above and beyond.

“But I’m not here to remember it, either. I don’t need a bar, or a drink, for that.” Jennifer grinned at him, the unbalanced scales of her smile a contrast to the sharp edges of his. “I just wish I could do it over again.”

“Don’t we all.” He glanced at the door when the bell above it rang. A new customer, somebody else to focus on, to cater to. He was good at this, Jennifer thought, the way she had every night she visited. It suited him, this destiny, the one he was always meant to have.

Just sucked that hers was meant to be so separate from his.

“But I guess until somebody invents time travel, we’re all stuck with the lives we’ve got, huh?” Deacon asked, and Jennifer’s eyes snapped to his, searching.

What was a Primary, once Time wasn’t broken anymore?

Jennifer could still see it, see it all: how things fit together, how they should run. But now things ran as they should. Parallel tracks, a train she didn’t have to fall in front of. Time didn’t need her, to hold itself together or to make sense.

Nobody needed her, now that the world was saved.

When Time rewound and she waited on that beach for Cole, salt in the air and her lungs, sun making it stick to her skin...most of her was just grateful she could finally rest. Take a breath on the beach. Close her eyes against the sun. Feel what Time was like when it didn’t need her so much.

She was free.

Freedom was lonely.

People who couldn’t see Time’s motions, those people were leading singular ordinary lives. Though she could visit Cassie and Cole in their happy after, it wasn’t her life to share.

And the small part of Jennifer that missed Deacon, a man who was now a boy who didn’t know her, again--she could live with that part. She could console that part the way she consoled her lonely Daughters when they needed it. This mood will pass, you are better off as you are, everything is as it should be.

So she waited.

She lived her life.

Jennifer Goines--genius CEO girlboss--had better things to do than spend decades wishing for a reunion with one guy.

She monitored his budding business because she had time to spare, Jennifer told herself. Not because she wanted to see him. Certainly not because she needed to. That cat dying of curiosity was an awfully convenient explanation anyway.

But the need was there. Ignoring it didn’t lessen it--made it worse, in fact. A new voice in her head, one that didn’t sound like her at all, but also not like a Primary calling out across time.

Just a voice inside, saying, go to him. Saying, it doesn’t matter if he can’t see it, if he doesn’t know you now.

Go, and there you’ll find home.

************************************

“Forget or remember?”

Jennifer blinked. Time kept on ticking.

“What?”

It was Deacon asking, and she’d heard him, but her mind had been elsewhere before he spoke. Other than taking her order when she sat down at the bar, he hadn’t spoken to her all night.

Not like she expected him to; not like she was there at Brothers Deacon waiting for long heart-to-hearts with a guy who didn’t know her.

We saved the world together, she thought whenever he looked her way. Sometimes she yelled it internally, raising a voice only she could hear. We saved them all, together, you were there! And now you don’t even know my name.

“Are you drinking to forget, or to remember?” Deacon tried again, more slowly. “I like to ask. I always wonder.”

It was a slow Tuesday evening, which might explain his stab at conversation. Maybe he was curious because she’d come in every night that week--staking her claim as a new regular. An irregular regular, she thought with a snort.

The other days, he’d left her alone, letting her people-watch and laugh at her own jokes. But now, he noticed her, turning her world around just like he did the first time.

He was the only one who ever had, who saw her as a person-not-Primary and deemed her worthy of notice. In another life, Jennifer reminded herself, tugging her focus back to this one.

“Do people drink to remember?” She considered that concept. Not one she’d thought about before, but it sounded plausible. Like the first time she saw a unicorn and thought, I believe it. If that’s not real it should be. Then, of course, it was. Good times.

Deacon offered her an easy grin, relaxed against the bar like they had all the time in the world for a philosophical discussion. There was an intimacy to it that Jennifer wanted to believe came from experience--that some piece of Deacon was linked to some piece of her, no matter what Time had to say about it.

“Sure they do. Haven’t you ever missed somebody?”

“Yes.” You, she told him with her eyes. His were mirrors reflecting back; she couldn’t tell if the reflection was one-way. Wrong room for an interrogation. Even worse for ballet.

She had taken ballet classes as a little girl--Mother’s idea, of course. The funhouse mirrors never blinked, always staring, staring with their watchful eyes. Jennifer switched to tap.

“Well, I can tell you, as a proprietor of this fine establishment, lots of people find it a little bit easier...a little less painful...to lubricate the process. You want to forget the past, you get blind drunk until you can barely stumble home from here. You want to remember it, you nurse rounds slowly; you savor.”

Deacon grinned at her again, that slice of a smile she could feel down to her toes. “I keep myself entertained when it’s not busy, trying to guess which customers are which. Most people are easy, but you--I’m still trying to figure it out.”

She laughed. “Easy is definitely not a word that’s often applied to me.”

All the words that had been still lived inside her like brands, burning hot and painful even then. Murderer. Crazy. Fool. Once upon a time he gave her better ones, ones that sparkled. Sorry. Purpose. Take it.

Deacon didn’t know that, though. She could keep his words in her pockets like gifts but he was not the giver. Jennifer shook her head, cleared it of the past-future. Never was, in this reality.

“Wanna give me a hint?” Theodore of the Brothers Deacon asked, shifting closer so his elbows were resting on the clean bar.

Call it wishful thinking--wouldn’t be the first time, she remembered a pair of otter eyes and a head full of lies--but it almost felt flirtatious, the way he was looking at her and waiting to see what she said.

The tragedy of time was that when they were walking parallel lines, he just kept dying--and now that the world was saved, her line was thirty years too late. Didn’t mean she couldn’t have a little fun, Jennifer decided. If Deacon had a thing for older women, who was she to argue?

So she curled her fingers into her palms, roots into the earth grounding her where she sat, and told the truth. Wrapped her lips around the words like Jennifer would wrap herself around Deacon again, if she could go back. Time is a snake that only moves forward; no going back, not anymore.

“I don’t want to forget the past.” She tried to press meaning into every syllable, tried to gift him their history in code, if only it were possible. “I want to keep the past.”

He nodded, still leaned in close, like he actually cared about what she had to say. Excellent customer service. Five stars, above and beyond.

Just sucked that hers was meant to be so separate from his.

“But I guess until somebody invents time travel, we’re all stuck with the lives we’ve got, huh?” Deacon asked, and Jennifer’s eyes snapped to his, searching.

Too good to be true, too easy to hope. Somewhere in there, she wanted to see the man she used to believe in, the one she believed loved her a little.

A little was everything, compared to what she’d had before.

So Jennifer knew better than to believe her lying hopeful heart, coming here to drink and pass the hours and cross her fingers in case today was the day time unfurled again and they’d have to team back up to fix it.

Cole and Cassie were out of the pool, they got their happy future and it was where Time needed them to stay...so if anybody was gonna be called to new adventures, it might as well be her. And if anything else was going to be asked of her, there was no one she would trust by her side more than Deacon.

Excuses, really. It’d been thirty years, and Time was still ticking along, no hiccups.

And while those two had landed a little bit outside of Time, just enough to remember what happened, most people only seemed to have room for one reality in their heads. Nothing felt more lonely than being Primary in a world where Jones and Hannah didn’t know her...except maybe being Primary in this bar, missing Deacon while he was three feet away.

“Yep,” she told him with a hollow laugh. It was just a coincidence, his comment. She could find needles anywhere with a big enough magnet. What did that prove to the haystack? “I guess we’re all stuck.”

He was already shifting his weight in the direction of the guy who came through the door, ready to move on to other business, but Deacon paused long enough to aim that smile at her a final time.

“How about the next round’s on me.” Well, now. He’d certainly never done that before, offered to pay for her beer.

First time for everything, she thought, wondering what had gotten into him that made the day different from other days. Frequent drinker program nobody told her about? Whatever it was, she wasn’t going to complain.

Deacon passed the drink to her before crossing to the other side of the bar, tossing his last words over his shoulder--she could barely hear them above the music that filled the space. In every reality, he was still stuck in the 80s.

“Let me know if you need me for anything else, ma’am.”

A part of her bristled at the end of that sentence, annoyed by the way strangers treated her these days with extra years sketched on her face. Everybody likes a good chicken, until it clucks for itself.

She couldn’t take it personally coming from him, though, Jennifer decided. After all, Deacon called her ma’am when she was his own age, when he barely knew her yet.

Wait.

Something about his use of the word, the glint in his eyes, the ease of his handing her a pint. It tripped that fucking hope again, and she couldn’t help it, her eyes followed him as he worked down the other end of the bar.

Taking folded bills from the new guy, pouring him a shot, then another. Polishing a glass while New Guy knocked them back, nodding when he held up a finger.

Deacon served the only other person sitting in front of him, and Jennifer wondered how long it would take for him to head back in her direction. Would she be able to see it, if there was something in his eyes? Was there any difference in the way he carried himself, now that he wasn’t carrying a lifetime of scars?

Her head was a magic eight ball brimming with questions, like always. Shake it, you get answers. Or ask again later, seventeen times in a row ‘til you want to smash it against the wall and make the truth come out.

From her vantage point on the stool she couldn’t make guesses about his eyes, and he moved like always--coiled energy, potential for danger. Indoors in winter, nobody but Deacon could list his own scars.

New Guy was talking to him about a football game, and Deacon was making engaged listening noises, though it was obvious he didn’t really care.

She should have known better, of course, Jennifer scolded herself later. Time wasted looking for hints, subtle traces. Of all the things Theodore Deacon is-was-will-forever-be, subtle never made it onto the list.

His customer was a quick drunk--looking to forget, she thought with a twitch of her lips--and he required the barest show of interest. Deacon’s volume grew alongside his, their discussion more spirited, and her eyes were starting to glaze over.

But Jennifer was still facing their way, and in the end it didn’t matter that she wasn’t actively listening. When it came to Deacon, she was pretty sure she could hear him in a hurricane.

She could hear him even when he was silent. He was the hurricane.

After he slid New Guy another shot, Deacon glanced Jennifer’s way. His carelessly friendly expression faded, replaced by an unblinking intensity.

The bar wasn’t packed, but it held noise and people enough to entertain her on a slow night. She shouldn’t have been able to sense the room closing in, a narrowing tunnel and a ringing in her ears.

Among the noise and the oblivious customers, Deacon was staring at her like they were the only two people left on Earth, and Jennifer felt the kind of shiver she hadn’t in thirty years, because nobody looked at her that way anymore.

Nobody else ever had, swallowing hard across a table like his words were bees that would sting them both if they escaped. Jennifer wasn’t allergic to bees; she still wondered what they might have spelled out in the sky if he’d let them fly.

Sometimes after Time took what it was owed, it gave a little something back. She’d assumed that gift was reserved for Cole alone, but maybe Time had generosity left for its favorite cog in the wheel. Maybe it took pity on her fall from Primary grace to ordinary human living on a barstool.

The reason didn’t really matter, did it? Not when the horse was there, to keep its mouth closed and unexamined?

Sometimes, Jennifer remembered as Deacon’s eyes stayed on hers, Time understood that it owed you, too.

She’d already set her drink down, knew her mouth was gaping a little, didn’t care if she looked like a moron. Deacon tipped back his own beer before he smiled at her again, and she let the shiver repeat, run through her.

Maybe hope wasn’t dead, a man on his knees in a crowd filled with blades. Maybe hope had been hibernating.

Deacon pointed at her beer, raised his eyebrows like he was asking if she wanted another, and she nodded, answering whatever question might’ve been buried beneath that one.

He took his time getting to her with it, dusting off a shelf and straightening a handful of vodka bottles along the way.

“Here you go,” he said when he arrived, the click of his tongue a punctuation mark and a memory.

Deacon set the fresh beer down in front of her, leaned against the back wall of his bar, and winked.

#honestly i shouldn't be posting this before bed i'm sleepy and if there are typos i'll catch them tomorrow--but i want it out there #jennifer goines #theodore deacon #jennifer x deacon #12 monkeys #otp: like a fox #jennifer goines fic #theodore deacon fic #jennifer x deacon fic #12 monkeys fic #my fic

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golbrocklovely · 5 years ago

Text

give your heart a break // colby brock - chapter five: the jealousy

A/N: so i’m about to go out with a friend so if this isn’t all fixed and there are some spelling mistakes, i’ll be fixing it later. i just wanted to post it for yall since you guys have been asking for this chapter. it’s a good one, trust me. alrighty, hope you enjoy. let me know what you think! byeeee! :)

story description

taglist: @azurebrock , @daddydobrock , @colbyf-ingbrock , @cuddlingwithcolby , @absolute-randomness-forever , @lovelycolby , @codename-nyx , @sweetxplr , @absolutelynobodyposts

trigger warning: SMUT, angst, cursing, partying, drinking, mentions of hooking up

word count: 2608

~~~~~~~~~~~

seven months, three weeks, five days

“So speaking of boyfriends... how are you and Colby doing?” Kat smirked, turning her head to me.

“Yes, how is our emo, lover-boy doing?” Tara asked, giving me the same look.

I rolled my eyes. “First off, not my boyfriend. Secondly, we’re good.”

“You’re doing a lot better than good if you guys are fucking.” Tara stated bluntly.

“Wait you’re having sex?! You didn’t tell me that.” Kat exclaimed quietly, smacking my arm dramatically.

I snickered. “I thought I told you! Anyways, yes; me and Colby are having sex. But it’s... different.”

“What do you mean by different?” Tara questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“Well for starters, we’ve separated romantic stuff from sexual stuff,” I explained. “We can kiss during sex but not when we cuddle and whatnot. And also there’s no romantic stuff after sex. We just kinda get up and go.”

“Why are you guys doing it like that?” Kat laughed.

“Because he and I have made it clear that neither one of us want to catch feelings for the other, so we think this is the best way.” I shrugged, “Plus, we’ve both agreed that if we want to see other people, we can.”

“We... or him?” Tara retorted.

“What do you mean?” I queried.

“Look. I love Colby, but I love you more. You have to be honest with yourself. Are you sure that what he wants is what you want?” Tara argued.

“Yeah. I mean I guess so.” I answered.

Tara sighed. “All I’m saying is if he’s the one making all the rules, this isn’t really a 50/50 relationship. And I know y’all are just friends with benefits, but those benefits need to go both ways.”

“You sound like you’ve done this before.” I remarked.

“Let’s just say before Jake, I was a bit crazy.” Tara joked.

Kat smiled. “You still are.”

“Shut up!” Tara giggled, pushing Kat.

~~~

I decided that after hanging out with Tara and Kat, I wanted to see Colby. It had honestly become part of my routine to come over mid-day and hang with him if he wasn’t doing anything. He even gave me a spare key so I could just come in whenever.

I walked down the hall to his place, pulling his key out of my pocket. I unlocked the door and opened it.

“Hey Colby, I was thinking of-” I started.

A brunette girl swung herself off of Colby, who jumped up when he heard my voice.

Oh my god... he was actually hooking up with someone else.

“Hey Zo. Uh uh what’s up?” Colby stammered.

I huffed. “Nothing much, Colbs. Seems like you’re busy. I could leave if you want.”

“Um that’s okay. Stacy was just leaving anyway.” He chuckled uncomfortably.

Stacy cleared her throat and stood up slowly, fixing her clothes. “Yeah, I gotta go. Thanks for your help.”

I stayed silent as she grabbed her stuff and walked up to Colby, giving him a quick peck on the cheek and whispering goodbye.

I stared at Colby as Stacy left, my eyes never leaving his. When I finally heard the door close, he exhaled. “Um so how-”

“Are you serious, Colby?” I hissed.

Colby furrowed his brows. “What?”

“Stacy? Stacy fucking Jackson? You know she’s only using you, right? She’s been bouncing from influencer to influencer since she got to LA last year. We literally used to joke about how much of a user she was.” I groaned. “At least she’s uped her ranks since she’s now hooking up with you.”

Colby scoffed. “Don’t be like that. She came over because she had a question about editing and-”

“Her tongue accidentally landed in your mouth. A tale as old as time.” I sassed.

“What’s with the attitude? It’s not like I’m breaking our rules.” He reminded.

“Attitude? You think this is me giving you attitude? No. You see, this is me being fucking angry at the fact that you are hooking up with Stacy.” I jeered.

“You sound jealous.” He speculated, a devilish look in his eye.

“I’m not jealous!” I hollered. I stopped, took a deep breath, and continued. “The whole reason we started this friends-with-benefits thing is because you felt like you couldn’t have a relationship with any other girl out here because they were all using you. Now you’re hooking up with the biggest user in L.A.?”

“I’m not hooking up with her. We made out. That’s it.” Colby informed, going into his kitchen.

“Only because I came in.” I followed him.

Colby opened his fridge, grabbing a water bottle. “You arguing with me really isn’t helping the jealousy thing.”

“Fuck you, I’m not jealous.” I deadpanned.

He paused. “Look, I thought allowing us to see other people while still doing this was something we both agreed with. If you didn’t want me to go hook up with other girls, you should have said something.”

“Have you hooked up with other girls?” I crossed my arms uncomfortably.

He shrugged. “Maybe. Have you hooked up with any guys?”

“No. I thought…” I trailed off.

“You thought what?” Colby took a drink from his bottle.

“…Why would you wanna hook up with other people?” I inquired.

“Because what we have isn’t serious.” He replied.

I felt my stomach drop and my heart skip a beat.

Why did his words hurt so bad?

“Right. So, if I hooked up with some random guy, you wouldn’t care.” I doubted.

“No. Hell, I encourage it.” He formed a tight-lipped smile.

I raised an eyebrow. “Really? Any guy?”

“Yeah. Whoever. It doesn’t matter to me.” Colby leaned against his counter.

“Okay.” I nodded my head, slowly turning towards his door to leave.

As I opened it, I stopped and spun back to him, smirking. “Hey… isn’t there a party tonight?”

~~~

I glanced around at the party taking place, sighing deeply and taking a long drink from my cup. I had been at this party for over three hours and regretted it.

I came here with the intention of hooking up with someone, literally anyone, just to prove Colby wrong.

But why did I want to prove him wrong?

Maybe because I was actually… jealous, of him and Stacy.

“Damn… I need more alcohol.” I sang to myself drunkenly.

As I poured more into my cup, I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I turned around and found Mike smiling down at me.

“Hey Zoe. What’s up?” Mike asked kindly.

“Nothing. Just drinking my feelings away.” I mentioned, smiling lazily.

He slid his cup in front of me. “Cheers to that.”

I laughed, pouring some vodka into his cup.

“What’s with all the emotions? What’s gotten you upset?” Mike queried.

“Colby.” I grumbled.

Mike chuckled. “Ahh. Our favorite emo king. What he do?”

“He hooked up with Stacy Jackson.” I informed.

He scrunched his face up. “That bitch?”

“Yeah. And I caught him doing it.” I took a swig from my drink.

“Aren’t you two-” Mike began.

“No, we are not together!” I exclaimed, groaning. “We’ve hooked up a bunch and now he made up these rules that we can hook up with other people but I don’t think I want us to.”

He gasped dramatically. “Oh no. Are you catching-”

I interjected again. “Feelings? No. But like, why do we need to hook up with other people when we have each other? It’s just dumb.”

“Sure.” Mike agreed.

“Plus, unless we get tested monthly, we could give each other STDs.” I reasoned.

He nodded his head. “Right.”

“And plus it’s just stupid.” I whined.

He bit back a smile. “You kinda already said that.”

I stared down at my cup. “…I have been drinking a lot.”

“Well, if you’re that upset with him hooking up with Stacy, why don’t you hook up with someone?” Mike suggested.

“I wanted to, but no one at this party is interesting enough for me. Plus, I don’t really want to do a one-night stand.” I confessed. “Making out is fine though.”

Mike took a sip from his drink and I followed suit, a light silence falling over us.

“You wanna make out?”

I choked suddenly, coughing into my arm. “What?!”

“You heard me.” Mike smirked.

I felt a weird blush come to my face. “Mike…”

“It’s definitely one way to get back at him.” He joked.

“I don’t know.” I mumbled.

“Look, all I’m saying is, if you decide to say yes, it won’t go any further than kissing. And for this one time offer, I will gladly forget it happened after tonight. Never bringing it up again. Never telling any of our friends.” Mike offered.

“I-I…” I stuttered.

“Just a thought. Come find me if you wanna.” He winked, walking away and heading towards the living room of the party.

I shouldn’t do this. This is sort of wrong, right?

But there was a voice inside my head that thought about what Tara said. Colby and I's relationship was not an even split. He was making all the rules and just expecting me to follow them.

And just because I don’t like him hooking up with other girls doesn’t mean I’m jealous! I’m just... upset.

I grabbed the bottle of alcohol I had from before, pouring out two shots and drinking them down hastily. I placed the bottle back on the counter and followed the way Mike had gone.

I found him not long after: sitting on the couch next to Colby.

Well... this was gonna be fun.

"Hey Mike?" I called to him.

He and Colby gazed up at me. “Yeah?” He responded.

"I think I’m gonna take you up on your offer." I stated breathlessly marching up to him.

Mike smirked as I straddled his lap, leaning into him and kissing him passionately. His lips tasted like fruity alcohol. His tongue found its way into my mouth as he pulled me closer to him.

I suddenly felt a hand grab my arm and yank me away from Mike’s lips. I looked up and saw Colby glaring down at me.

He pulled me off of Mike and dragged me to a door that led into a bathroom. He slammed the door shut, locking it quickly.

The room felt heavy as he paused before he spoke.

"Are you fucking serious?" Colby barked

I leaned against the counter cockily. "What’s the matter?"

"Mike... you’re hooking up with Mike?!" He fumed.

I shrugged. "You said any guy."

"Yeah well I thought friends would kinda be off limits. Besides you don’t even like Mike like that." He argued.

"Who says I have to like him to fuck him?" I deadpanned.

“Don’t be dramatic.” He hissed.

I scoffed. “Excuse me? Dramatic? You think this is me being dramatic? I’m sorry, but who’s the one that pulled the other into a bathroom, Cole?”

“Oooh, first name. I must be in trouble.” Colby sneered.

I paused for a second, clicking my tongue. “You sound jealous.”

“What?” He replied.

“You heard me. You sound-”

“Jealous? Right.”

I placed my hands on my hips. “Why else would you pull me off of Mike… unless you didn’t want me to hook up with him?”

Colby stayed silent; his arms crossed tight as he gazed down at the floor.

“You know what, Colby? Fuck you.” I pointed, shoving my finger onto his chest.

His icy, dark blue eyes glared into mine.

“You don’t get to tell me what to do, alright? You’ve made it very apparent we’re just friends, so you have no say in whether or not I fuck someone else or not. So I’m gonna go out there and me and Mike are gonna have a good fucking time.” I ranted.

I strutted past Colby, reaching the door in a second. As I unlocked the door and began to open it, it was slammed shut from behind by Colby’s hand. He spun me around, smashing his body and pinning me up against the door. His lips were immediately on mine, his tongue invading my mouth.

I gasped into the kiss. Colby’s hands gripped my hips, his grinding into mine. Our tongues glided against each other’s. His hands danced down my thighs, pulling them around his waist and lifting me up against the door. He pulled his lips away forcefully, giving me only moments to catch my breath.

“You’re not going out there and fucking Mike,” He stated lustfully. “I’m the only one that can fuck you.”

He yanked my dress up, finding my underwear and pushing it to the side. His fingers began to rub my clit, eliciting moans from me.

“I’m the only one that can make you feel this good. You’re already getting so wet for me.” He chuckled darkly.

Colby began to finger me, causing a whine to escape my mouth suddenly. I dug my nails into his shoulders, trying to hold back any more noises.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” He asked, fingering me harder.

I nodded hastily. “Yes.”

“Then say it. Say you want me to fuck you.” He demanded.

I exhaled. “Colby please.”

“Please what?” He bit his lip.

“Fuck me Colby, please.” I whimpered breathlessly.

He smirked. “Gladly.”

Colby rushed me over to the counter, placing me down and pulling out a condom. He unzipped and tugged his jeans and underwear down, his cock springing free. He jerked himself for a few seconds as stared at me. He ripped the wrapper open, sliding the condom down his shaft.

“Turn around.” He ordered.

I spun around, my body facing the bathroom mirror. I watched Colby pull down my panties and spread my legs.

“I want you to watch me fuck you from behind.” He growled into my ear.

Colby bent me over, his cock playing with my entrance. I bit my lip as he teasingly entered me, groans falling from both our lips.

Instantly, he began to thrust into me, his pace already fast. His grasp on my hips was tight, his fingerprints already starting to leave marks.

“You’re mine, you know that? You’re mine.” Colby grunted, gazing at me through the mirror.

He fucked into me deeper, my eyes rolling back at the feeling.

I finally stared at him. “If I’m yours, then you’re mine.”

Colby raised an eyebrow at me, his rhythm not faltering.

“I’ll gladly be yours if you’ll be mine.” I muttered, my eyes fluttering from the pleasure.

He slowed himself for a moment, bringing my body up against his. He kissed along my neck sweetly, lips landing on my ear.

“No one else. Just us?” He whispered.

“Exactly…” I agreed.

His lips stayed under my ear sucking on my sensitive spot, causing tingles to run down my spine. He pulled out suddenly, turning me around to face him. We looked into each other’s eyes as Colby leaned in and kissed me tenderly.

He tore his lips away from mine, lining himself back up. He slid in slowly, my body shaking from how sensitive I was.

He thrusted into me gentle at first, but it began to build up back to where it was. Noises fell from our lips as he pounded harder and harder. I could feel myself building up, unable to hold back.

I whined. “Colby, fuck. I’m gonna-”

“Keep your eyes on me, baby.” He uttered.

I looked into his eyes, not able to pull myself away as my orgasm hit me hard. I moaned loudly, gripping the counter and his waist.

Colby thrusted three more times and then grunted loudly, coming undone himself.

We finally relaxed against each other, my head falling onto his shoulder.

He kissed my cheek sweetly, his breath fanning against my neck. “No one else.”

<< CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 6 >>

#colby brock #colby brock fanfiction #colby brock fanfic #colby brock fic #colby brock smut #colby brock x oc #give your heart a break #colby brock story #colby brock angst

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jesshq · 4 years ago

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Hey guys I need to get something off my chest....

I have multiple issues when responding to art and etc. And will end up accidentally saying something that ether: angers, annoys or upsets the artist....

I even have a short train of thought....problems speaking...I rambled all the time (ether of art or not even just my own headcons or ships)....

I have even got blocked for reasons because of my issues...

Some people claim I’m immature, annoying and not acting my age but it’s hard for me to do anything:

1. I have had to have a EA with me for every thing in school even easier classes due to my learning issues. Due to that I kinda was separated with learning like my class mates (sometimes the only one)

2. Due to my issues the minute I get criticized for something I did, or I did something wrong, get called names and etc. I get upset very upset to the point I wanna punish myself when I upset someone.

3. I never had friends, no seriously.....kindergarten to grade 12 I had NO one but a small handful and even then me and them never hung out due to my interest except one...who is currently in collage during these times (COVID-19)

4. My family is a hard one to get along with and anything done: mom works home care in the evenings (2-3pm to 10-11pm) and has back issues, dad works at a hog barn mornings (6am to 2-7 pm (depending on what he’s doing shipping or drawing blood from pigs), my little sister tends to downgrade me a lot...calling me names like: annoying, dumbass, bitch, retarded and many more (parents have tried to stop her) and her boyfriend has moved in...

5. I do a good amount of chores and I’m the first one my family calls to do something, I have really no time to do things...and imagine my life since COVID-19 hit...(in March 2020 was when lock downs started happening where I live)

6. So I’m basically just a 19 yr girl trying to find and make some friends online who have common interests with me to talk to and give ideas to....but they end up coming out wrong and people take it the wrong way and sometimes instantly block me before I could apologize due to my issues

7. due to my issues what I think doesn’t come out of my mouth or text right then, I hit send before it registered I miss worded or my phone’s auto correct fixed it wrong of what I said

8. This goes for those I follow or follow me (and have messaged me) I actually worry when you guys don’t post especially during these times... as it a way I can see your doing well/ok despite COVID-19 or anything that is happening on your end

9. I will Admit I’m horrible at asking requests for art and etc. nicely...once again it’s due to my issues, and well I hope I can fix that...so I’m sorry to anyone I upset or felt like a bother when asking for art requests (especially when you have commissions)

10. I’m 19 yes but I have no job (due to my issues I would get fired instantly...), and the only money I get is from selling my cow’s boy calf’s from the family farm, and babysitting (which I can’t do due to COVID-19) to ask for commissions, heck my parents don’t even like online shopping, but if I ask for a request plz explain why in a slow manner (do to my brain can’t process things without seeing why) you need the money from the commissions...I actually feel helpless unable to help people with commissions for things example: like collage or certain classes in college (I wanna go for animation/design), or a laptop. Just say no and tell me why I’ll then leave you be but still cheer you on for whatever your doing and like your art (which I can’t do if I get blocked due to a stupid thing I said or did...)

11. I hate myself whenever something goes wrong example: I get blocked...After I didn’t realize I did something wrong. Or I get called things behide my back (which happens a lot).

12. ALSO! to those who claim I guilt trip when I go ‘.....’ I don’t know what to say! I’m not acting sad or anything it’s because I know know the right words to say

13. I’m actually developing anxiety (which honestly I shouldn’t be but I have social anxiety in RL or online (unless that person has the same interests as me)) whenever I commented on someone’s art (where it’s Disney or Casper, and many more of my interests) because I feel like I might accidentally hit a nerve or upset the artist, even just asks I’m worried on doing

That’s all I just wanted to let people know, so if people/artist claim I’m just an annoyance, or immature or anything like that that, I have abit of a reason for it...

But look at me like this: I’m person/artist that love your art and just offering comments or ideas trying to see if you wish to be friends, even if I bring in my headcons and ships I’m curious on how you would think of them. And if I’m upsetting you I’m abit of a understanding girl, and if I’m explained abit of whatever it is a ask or comment of mine. if we talk it out about it with no hostility or threats of blocking as I never block (unless your a porn bot).

Like I said before I’m a slow girl so talking to me and downgrading me from something I did to upset you like:

Calling me an annoyance due to one of my comments about mentioning one of my ships when it has really nothing to do with the character

That actually upsets me even when I try to apologize for it and when I apologize I ACTUALLY mean it and it won’t happen again.

This isn’t A vent thing it’s just a thing to let people know I have issues with interacting with people online, I’m not mad or anything as I do the ‘forgive and forget’ thing (also I tend to forget about things randomly) I don’t really hold grudges

So if I make a weird ask or something just look at this plz it’s due to my many..MANY issues that I have had since school till now with COVID-19

#I have issues...#my life #plz help....

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breakmebucky · 5 years ago

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Until The End Of The Line

Note: My hand slipped. Sorry not sorry. Word Count: 3787 Pairings: Stucky x Reader

Warnings: Magic Sex Powder, DubCon (cause of sex powder), language, smut, please don’t be a child reading this. There’s some chasing happening. This was all an excuse to write smut, I’ll be honest. PWP.

It all started with an innocent question. A nondescript box sitting on the kitchen island with an equally nondescript note attached.

“This is for everything you’ve done.” The note read. A smiley face for a signature and nothing else.

“What’s in the box?” Steve asked as Y/N entered the kitchen where he and Bucky had been about to chug some post-workout shakes.

“Who’s it from?” She answered his question with another.

“Not sure. Just says ‘This is for everything you’ve done.’ with a smiley face.” He explained as he cut the tape on the box. Bucky and Y/N exchanged alarmed glances

“Steve no!” Bucky and Y/N shouted at the same time as Bucky nearly vaulted over the island to knock the box out of Steve’s hands. A blue powder exploded from the box and covered both his and Steve’s faces and clothes before settling onto the floor and seeming to vanish.

“Biological Contaminant Detected.” FRIDAY’s voice rang through the complex. “Lockdown initiated.”

Darkness swallowed the frozen scene as the blast shutters slammed shut over the windows and the silence was pierced by the sounds of the entire complex going into full lockdown. The generator kicked on as well as the internal HVAC system that would purify and recycle the air in the compound so as to not risk the contaminant being released into the atmosphere. The emergency lighting that lined the floors and ceilings of the compound lit up and cast an eerie orange glow over the still frozen inhabitants of the room.

“Steve you fucking idiot.” Bucky groaned as he finally moved himself off of his friend and tossed the box as far away from them as possible.

“I thought it was a thank you from a fan or something.” Steve said, his voice soft with shock and the realization of the stupidity of what he’d done.

“What…what do we do?” Y/N asked, still frozen where she’d been when Bucky and Steve had gone hurtling over the island with the mystery box.

“Containment procedure says we-ah!” Steve suddenly grabbed at his chest as if something had struck him. “We need to…oh god…” His face flushed, unseen in the orange glow, and he looked over towards Bucky in horror.

“Y/N. You need to go.” Bucky said. His voice was low and heavy with an emotion Y/N hadn’t heard before. She took a step towards the pair and they both held out a hand to stop her. “NO! Don’t...don’t come any closer to either of us.” Bucky managed to get out before his hand also flew to his chest.

“Lock yourself in the lab. Radio for help.” Steve groaned out as his hand slid down his chest until he was palming himself through his sweatpants.

“What the fuck is going on?!” Y/N shouted. She had been working in the lab with Bruce for a while, just trying to learn more of the sciencey-technical side of the team, but even with her masters in Biology and her extensive training and knowledge of biological weapons, she’d never heard of one that would produce this kind of reaction.

“Go!” Steve reiterated, his voice on the edge of a growl.

“NOW!” Bucky added, fighting to not bring himself to his feet. When Y/N still didn’t move, he kicked a chair into the wall behind her for encouragement. It worked and she was suddenly dashing down the hall, cursing Steve and his unwavering trust in the human race.

Y/N hadn’t even made it halfway down the hallway when the sound of both men echoed off the walls behind her.

“Wait, Y/N!” Steve called from the doorway. “Don’t go. I forgot to tell you something.”

“Steve?” Y/N asked as she continued to slowly back down the hall towards the elevators. “What did you forget to tell me?”

Steve braced himself against the doorway and a breathy laugh fell from his throat.

“You smell so fucking good.” He answered. Steve turned his head as Bucky found his way to the threshold as well and asked, “Doesn’t she smell so fucking good, Buck?”

“Steve, no.” Bucky growled out in warning, his vibranuim hand crushing the frame of the door as he fought to keep control of himself. “Y/N. Go. Now. Run.”

She didn’t need to be told twice. Y/N dashed down the remainder of the hall as the sounds of a struggle broke out behind her. She had just made it into the elevator when the hall filled with the sounds of both men running after her. The doors shut just as they reached them and Y/N was able to catch a brief glimpse of both of their faces; a glimpse of two sets of normally blue eyes that were drowned in the black of their pupils and filled heavy with need.

“What the fuck?” She kept repeating to herself as she hit the button that would take her to the floor the lab was on. “What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?!”

The wall to her left erupted in the sounds of thundering footsteps that moved faster than the elevator did and Y/N stared in horror as her brain pieced together what she was hearing. Both Bucky and Steve were racing down the stairwell to beat the elevator to its stop. They were literally chasing her like wild animals. Y/N knew there was no way she could ever outrun them, not with their enhanced abilities. But she was clever and she was smart and if there was a chance of her making it to the lab to call for help, it lay in her ability to outsmart them and to hide from them.

With time running out and the elevator nearing its destination, Y/N made the split second decision to hit the buttons for all the remaining floors before climbing on the handrail and forcing the hatch at the top of the elevator open. She heard the steps falter two floors below her as she shut the hatch behind her and waited, crouching on the elevator and trying to avoid the cables. The steps began to echo closer as the elevator closed its doors and descended another floor before stopping once again.

“Where are you, Y/N?” Bucky’s voice shouted from the floor above her.

“We’re not going to hurt you.” Steve assured from inside the elevator before his steps moved back into the hallway.

One floor and she would be in the clear. One floor and she’d have a chance at getting to safety. She shifted in anticipation as the elevator dinged and the doors moved to close, but her shifting must have sounded like thunder to the enhanced super-soldier hearing of Steve’s ears because the elevator doors were suddenly blocked and they opened again, allowing him to enter the small space again.

“I know you’re around here, Y/N.” He said, his voice growing darker every minute. “We just need to talk. We need to see if you’ve got it too. We need you, Y/N.”

“Please, Y/N.” Bucky’s voice joined Steve’s below her and it was all Y/N could do not to scream. “We just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Her foot slipped and she watched through the grate of the hatch as two pairs of blackened eyes looked up and made contact with her own.

“There you are, little mouse.” Bucky grinned. “Come down. We won’t hurt you.”

“Just let me go to the lab.” Y/N replied. “You’re sick and you need help. Both of you. I can help you, but I need to get to the lab.”

“You’re right.” Bucky replied. “You can help us.”

The hatch was knocked open suddenly and Steve’s hand wrapped around Y/N’s ankle before pulling her feet out from under her and throwing her onto the floor of the elevator. Her scream was cut short as the wind was knocked out of her, but she quickly recovered and kicked Bucky’s feet out from under him before making a dash out the door. Her brain was running through rapid-fire split-second decisions and without a clear memory of how she got there, Y/N suddenly found herself curled into a ball at the bottom of a supply closet just down the hall from the lab.

Bucky and Steve could be heard in the hall, calling out for her and growing both more irritated and needier with each word.

“Y/N, please.” Bucky whined. “I just need to see you.”

“Sweetheart, Bucky’s right. We just need to make sure you’re okay.”

“Come out, please, Doll.”

“We just wanna make you feel good.”

“Wanna make you feel so good, baby.”

One pair of footsteps stopped outside the door to the supply closet and Y/N bit her fist to keep herself from audibly whimpering. She still had no idea what was happening to her friends and, although she had dreamed of them saying the things they were saying now –both separately and together– it was the darkness in their tone that set her on edge. A hand rested on the doorknob and time felt like it slowed to a crawl as Y/N watched the handle turn. The door opened and Bucky stared down at her, his shirt soaked in sweat and his cock standing at attention.

“There you are, love.” He crooned lowly before grabbing her by the arm and yanking her up off the floor. He shut the door behind her and then pushed her against it before rubbing his cheek against her own. “Been looking for you everywhere, Y/N.” He pressed his hips forwards and ground his cock against her stomach as his hands slid up her arms and came to rest, one cold against her neck and one hot gripping her jaw and turning her head to the side to expose her neck. There was rush of air as Bucky inhaled her scent deeply and then choked out the exhaled breath. “Steve’s right. You smell so fucking good.”

“Bucky, please.” Y/N plead softly. “Just let me get to the lab and I can help you.”

“Shh.” Bucky’s hand on her jaw shifted until he was pressing a finger to her lips. “I just want to taste you.”

Warmth flooded Y/N’s body when Bucky’s lips pressed against her own. The kiss was gentle at first, as though some humane part of him still resided inside and had control. But then his tongue was inside her mouth and the kiss grew into something needier and wilder. The hand at her throat squeezed just enough to start the coil in Y/N’s core tightening and then she felt his other hand fighting with the button of her jeans. Y/N pulled back and her hands flew to Bucky’s fumbling fingers.

“Bucky, no.” She gasped out against his mouth. “Not like this.”

“I just wanna make you feel good.” He insisted, swatting her hands away and popping the button of her jeans off with a quick tug. Bucky silenced Y/N’s protests with another devouring kiss as his hand slid past the band of her underwear and his fingers delved into her folds.

“Oh fuck…” Y/N moaned, breaking away from Bucky’s mouth again as her head fell back against the closet door and her hands struggled to find something to grip onto. Bucky pressed first one and then two fingers into her and pumped them in and out with purpose, until Y/N was panting heavily and gripping his arm tightly. “Bucky….feels so good. Oh, fuck…I’m gonna…”

“That’s right.” Steve’s voice sounded from behind Bucky. “Come all over his fingers, baby.”

Y/N’s eyes snapped to Steve’s face and then to his hand, which was pumping his own cock furiously as he watched Bucky bring her ever closer to the edge. Something about watching Steve stroking himself while Bucky fucked his fingers deeper and faster into her sent Y/N over the hill and crashing down in bliss.

Bucky pulled his fingers out of her and brought them to his mouth, languidly licking her juices off and moaning as he did so. His hand on her throat released her and Y/N slid to the ground in a panting, unfocused mess. Steve was there to catch her and he laid her out right there in the hallway before the sound of her pants being shredded filled the corridor. The sudden chill on her skin brought Y/N back to her senses just in time to feel Steve line up with her entrance and slide into her. A gasp ripped itself from her chest and Y/N’s back arched at the sudden feeling of fullness.

“Oh god. You’re so fucking tight.” He groaned as he sheathed himself completely in her warmth and then stilled. “So fucking warm and soft.” He slowly pulled out of her, almost completely, before bucking his hips and slamming back inside with force. Steve pulled out once more and then drove into her quicker and quicker each time, drawing moans and gasps from Y/N as she dug her fingers into his shoulders.

“You gonna come for me, baby?” Steve asked, his voice heavy and dark. “You gonna come all over my cock?” He pushed himself deeper into Y/N’s warmth and she yelped as a sharp pain shot through her.

“Steve, don’t. That hurts.” She whined. “Not so hard.”

Steve didn’t seem to hear her because he kept slamming harder and harder into her until a scream tore form her throat and she came a second time, though under less pleasurable circumstances. At the sound of her scream, Bucky’s hands suddenly gripped Steve’s shoulders and wrestled him off of Y/N, pulling him free with a wet pop as his cock slid out of her.

“Play nice, Stevie!” Bucky growled before he took Steve’s place inside Y/N’s warmth. As he filled her, a moan fell from his lips and he pressed his forehead to hers. “Fuck, Doll.” He breathed. “I-I don’t think I can stop. You feel so fucking good.” Bucky’s lips collided with Y/N’s again as he began to fuck into her with gusto, pulling a combination of moans and whines from her lips.

The both of them were pushed over, still coupled, until Bucky was on his back and Y/N was straddled atop his hips.

“Steve, no.” Bucky warned. “She’s not ready.”

“Then share.” Steve groaned.

Y/N’s head cleared enough for her to realize what the two of them were talking about and her eyes widened in trepidation.

“My-my mouth, Steve.” She stuttered out. “Use my mouth.”

“Oh, FUCK…” They both groaned simultaneously.

Seconds later and Y/N was choking on Steve’s cock as he thrust eagerly into her mouth. She could taste the brine of herself mixed with the salt from Steve’s skin and between that and the realization that her deepest fantasy was suddenly her reality, Y/N came for the third time. She felt Bucky dig his hands into her hips, bruising the skin for sure, as his thrusts stuttered and finally stilled inside her. He painted her walls with heat as he came inside her, though she had no time to relish the sensation because Steve was suddenly gripping her head and slamming into the back of her throat, grunting as he thrusted away. Y/N felt his release coat her mouth and slide down her throat as he came with a loud groan before sliding out of her mouth and sinking to the floor beside her and Bucky.

“What…the fuck?” Y/N panted after she was able to catch her breath finally. She slid off of Bucky’s lap, whining slightly as his fullness left her, and pushed herself away from both men. After a moment of silence, she finally pushed herself off the floor and used the wall to help herself stand. Neither Steve nor Bucky seemed to be coherent enough to explain, or even notice as she slowly backed away from them and made her way down the hall towards the lab, pulling Steve’s discarded shirt over her head in an effort at modesty. The emergency communication line was flashing rapidly, lighting the room with brief blasts of red light, as she hit the switch that would seal her inside the lab. As Y/N stumbled over to the communicator, the reality of the last few hours rushed over her and reduced her to a shaking sobbing mess as she pressed the button that would open the com-line.

“HELLO?!” Sam’s voice urgently flowed over the open line. “Anyone there?!”

“Yes…” Y/N whispered before sobs overtook her again.

“Y/N!?” Nat’s voice this time. “What happened? Are you guys okay?!”

“Box…light blue powder…I don’t…” She croaked out between sobs. “Bucky and Steve…I couldn’t run…it was fine and then…”

“Stay there.” Nat ordered. “We’re just waiting for FRIDAY to finish cleaning the air and open the doors.”

“Lock the lab.” Tony’s voice now. “It’s reinforced. Even Banner couldn’t break in.”

“I did.” Y/N said, choking as she gasped for air. “I…can’t…breathe…”

Suddenly the room was hot, the walls were closing in and, no matter how she tried, Y/N couldn’t catch her breath. She couldn’t escape the feeling that what was left of her clothes was suddenly too much, even Steve’s loose shirt. Her own skin felt like it was burning, like she just needed to get out of it. She needed help. She needed them. Her body suddenly craved the touch of skin on skin. She needed to feel them –both of them– on her, inside her, all over her.

The com-line faded into indistinct chatter as Y/N’s instincts took over the rational part of her brain and she made her way back to the doors. She overrode FRIDAY’s programming and the doors slid open with a soft whoosh. Bucky and Steve were still at the end of the hall, though they seemed to have recovered as they had both pulled their pants back up and were looking around at the remnants of Y/N’s clothes. As soon as the doors shut again, both men turned their eyes to Y/N, who was slowly striding towards them, tugging off the powder covered shirt as she made her way down the hall.

“Is this what it felt like?” She whined, gripping the edge of her tank top and discarding it and her bra just as quickly. Y/N’s hands slid over her now bare skin and dug into the softness of her own breasts, leaving tiny crescent shaped indentions in the tender flesh. “I’m sorry I ran and hid. I didn’t know.” She looked up at the duo with pleading eyes and begged, “Please, help me?”

“Y/N?” Steve questioned cautiously, before spying the blue powder that had rubbed off his shirt and into her hair. “Bucky, she’s…”

“I know.” Bucky’s voice was clipped and strained. They both seemed unsure what to do, now that the drug had burnt its way through their enhanced immune systems. They were fine after one release, thanks to the serum. But a typical human? The drug would burn its way through her until she went mad or her heart gave out. Bucky had experience with the drug, thanks to his time as a hydra asset, and even his enhanced stamina hadn’t always been enough to fully satisfy or save the unfortunate women that had been experimented on throughout the development phase. There was no telling which phase this particular dose came from, which scared Bucky right to his core.

“You can do it.” Steve said, reluctantly. “She likes you. I’ve seen the way she looks at you in the gym.”

“No. It’s okay. You can do it.” Bucky answered, though his expression didn’t match his words one bit. “I’ve seen the way you two are in the kitchen. Her laugh is genuine.”

“For fucks sake, you’re both pretty. I like you both.” Y/N growled. “Please just touch me before I crawl out of my fucking skin.” Her words ended in a whine as she gripped the wall and pressed her thighs together desperately.

“Choose.” Bucky said, his voice growing desperate at the sight of her.

“We’ll help. Just…just choose.” Steve agreed.

Y/N’s eyes flashed with need and her hand that wasn’t gripping the wall slid down between her thighs.

“I don’t want to choose.” She said, her voice dripping in sin. “That’s why I haven’t.” A gasp and a moan fell from her lips as she delved into her own warmth and began to try and ease the ache herself. “I don’t want to choose…” she repeated as she slid to the floor, her legs falling open and exposing her dripping cunt to both Steve and Bucky. “I need you both. I want you both.”

Sometime between their second and third orgasms, Steve and Bucky managed to collect themselves enough to move the party out of the hallway. Y/N protested, her body still shaking from the drug coursing through her veins, but she quieted down as soon as Bucky was buried deep in her again as he pressed her back against the elevator wall. He carried her, still coupled with him, into Steve’s room as Steve held the door open and trailed in after them.

After another hour of both men fucking her in tandem, filling her in every way possible, Y/N’s fever began to finally subside and she collapsed into a boneless heap between Bucky and Steve on the bed. The three of them lay there panting in a tangle of arms and legs, as soft kisses were passed between them and bites and bruises were washed over with gentle caresses. As Y/N curled into Steve’s chest, she felt Bucky curl against her back and press his lips to her shoulder gently.

“How are you feeling, Doll?” He asked softly, murmuring the words against her skin, which erupted in goosebumps at the sensation.

“Better.” Y/N hummed just as softly. “So much better.”

“C’mere.” Steve mumbled as he cupped her face delicately and brought his lips to hers. The kiss was sweet and gentle and so very Steve that it left a smile on Y/N’s face when they parted. A smile that quickly shifted to a frown when Steve spoke again. “Sorry, I just wanted to kiss you properly before this is all over.”

“All over?” Y/N questioned. “I don’t understand…”

“You should choose-”

“Steven Grant Rogers.” Y/N said sternly. “I said I’m not choosing between you two.” She pushed herself up to look him square in the face before continuing, “So, unless you’re going to tell me this isn’t something you want, then it’s not over.”

“We’re with you, Steve.” Bucky added, sitting up enough to look at Steve from over Y/N’s shoulder. “Both of us.”

“Whatever you choose.” Y/N agreed.

Steve hesitated a moment as he blinked back tears and stared at the two people he loved the most in the world.

“Until the end of the line?”

“Until the end of the line.” They replied in unison.

#dubcon #sex pollen #breakmebucky #bucky #steve and bucky #stucky #stucky x reader #steve x reader #bucky x reader #steve #Steve Rogers #Bucky Barnes

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crayonwriting · 5 years ago

Text

You’re Beautiful

I know I’ve been gone for a looooong time, I guess I’m back (?) (Might explain in a separate post.)Maybe not as regular as I want to be, but hey, expect a few things from me soon. Btw, I just had to bust this out because of a few viral videos I saw. So, this was inspired by them. Happy reading!

Bucky parked near the school entrance and hopped out. He leaned against his car as he waited for his precious girl to finish her day at kindergarten. Soon enough the bell rang and in a matter of minutes, kids filed out of the school doors.

Parents greeted their own with hugs and kisses. Bucky stood straight, craning his neck over the small crowd in search of his four-year-old. His eyebrows knit together in worry, seeing her walk sluggishly through the crowd. He walked up the small stone path and waved at her.

“Tatiana! Hey, princess!” He called over. She turned her head towards the voice and when she spotted her father, she gave him a soft smile before walking up to him. He met her halfway and knelt down in front of her.

“Hello, baby.” He greeted her. “How was school?”

She didn’t answer him right away. She kicked at her shoes and looked from side to side.

“‘Is okay, Papa.” She whispered. Bucky didn’t believe her one bit. He softly held her by the shoulders, rubbing his thumb against them and coaxed her to look at him.

“Tati,” he said in a serious tone. “What’s wrong?” She sighed deeply and shook her head.

“I want home, Papa.” She opened her arms out to her father, a silent gesture of hers, asking to be carried. Bucky didn’t hesitate one bit and wrapped his arms around her as he stood up. Tatiana latched on to her father’s neck, burying her face on his shoulder. Bucky brushed the back of her head lightly and gave her a kiss on her temple.

He walked back to his car and, instead of strapping her into the car seat, he took her with him to the driver’s seat and sat her beside him. She helped her out of her bag and placed it on the car floor.

She still didn’t look at him. She sat quietly, playing nervously with her fingers.

“Tatiana Barnes, I know something is up. You can tell me.” He said, softly. The little girl puffed out her cheeks, trying her best to not cry. Bucky’s heart is cracking by the second. What could’ve happened that made his daughter feel like this? He heard her mumble something under her breath.

“I’m sorry, princess. What did you say?” He asked. Tatiana let out a shuddering breath.

“I’m ugly, Papa.”

Bucky could not believe what she said. Ugly? Who would call a little four-year-old girl ugly? He's not biased because she's his daughter but Tatiana was indeed beautiful. A mixture of his genes with yours resulted in a gorgeous baby girl who looked like a porcelain doll if he were to be honest.

"What? You're not ugly, Tati. Who said that?"

She couldn't hold it in anymore. Her face broke into a huge frown. Her tears spilled all over her cheeks as a strangled cry burst out from her. Bucky's heart instantly shattered at the sight. Tatiana heaved and bellowed even louder. She extended her arms out to her father, silently asking him for a hug.

Bucky didn't waste a second longer before he scooped her into his arms. She planted her face on her father's shoulder, like she did earlier, as her tears soaked the fabric of his shirt. Bucky rubbed soothing circles against her back.

"I'm not pretty, Papa. No-nobody likes me-e." She whispered. She broke out into a cry once more. "I wa-wanna see M-M-Mama!"

"I wanna see Mama too, baby." Bucky squeezed her tight. Was his daughter getting bullied? Are four-year-olds even capable of bullying? This was wrong. She shouldn’t be thinking this way. He had to say something, at least. So, he sat her down by the middle console despite her resisting.

"No, Papa. Please! H-hug!" She pleaded. Bucky firmly, but oh so gently, pried her hands off of his neck.

“I know. I’ll give you a hug but I have to tell you something first, okay?” He held her tiny hands in his. Circling his thumbs over the back of her hands, persuading her to look at him.

“C’mon princess, I need you to look at me.” The little girl shyly looked up to her father. Bucky wiped her tear-stricken face clean. “Now, I want you to know that you are not ugly.” Her small lip started to tremble. “You are very, very beautiful; inside and out. I mean, c’mon. Have you seen your eyes?” Bucky brushed her hair away from her face. “They’re so blue, I feel like I’m looking at the ocean every time I stare into them.”

She sheepishly looked up at him. “You have blue eyes too, Papa.”

“Yeah, well, yours are much, much prettier. And brighter, too.” He bopped her on the nose lightly, making her giggle. “You’re an amazing girl and I know you’re very smart too. And don’t get me started on your kind heart. You never forget to remind me to drink my orange juice in the morning.” He smiled.

“Mama says it’s good for the body.”

“And mama is right. And just like Mama, you’re strong and loving and brave. Very brave. I know you can do anything.” He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. “Ignore the people who say you can’t.” She could only nod.

“I’m always here for you, my princess. You can tell me anything, alright?” He held out his pinky to her. She smiled, big this time, and linked her small finger to his.

“Promise daddy?”

“I promise. Now,” he opened his arms, “Someone wanted a hug?”

Tatiana laughed lightly and jumped into her father’s arms. She closed her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

“I love you, Papa.”

Bucky returned the favor and kissed her temple.

“I love you too, princess.”

permanent tags: @awkwardfangirl2014

#b writes #You're Beautiful #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #sebastian stan #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan x reader

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trillian-anders · 5 years ago

Text

chambers - v

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

warnings: violence, angst, slow burn

word count: 3273

description: Post-Endgame. Steve Rogers has passed away from old age. The one remarkable thing is that no one knew his heart would be in the condition it was. He was able to save one more life. After receiving his heart, strange things start happening. Including something that would change your life forever. (Very loosely based on the Netflix series of the same name.)

an: a little shorter than the others, but! I just had a hellish weekend at work that’s not quite over yet and writing this between tables makes it a little better so... enjoy loves.

The community center was in Brooklyn, the large brick building housed many different projects. An after school program for kids, a homeless shelter at night, various ‘anonymous’ meetings during the day. This wasn’t like the typical VA. It was very much a hodgepodge group of people brought together by the circumstance of Sam Wilson being a good human being. Sam Wilson was probably one of the kindest people you’ve ever met.

You didn’t belong here, maybe this was a mistake. You were standing very awkwardly off to the side, holding a cheap styrofoam cup of coffee. If anything this dress was definitely a mistake, the button up t-shirt dress you figured was a nice middle ground of looking nice but not trying to look too nice, but everyone else’s jeans and t-shirts made you feel like you should have just worn jeans and a t-shirt. The exception was Sam, who ran the group. He was in a nice button down and slacks, but even Bucky was just in a black t-shirt, jeans and a leather jacket.

You were trying not to think about it.

“Are you going to be okay while we make some rounds?” Sam asked you. The two wanted to leave you momentarily to go and greet people they know, “Grab a drink, we’ll be right back.”

You didn’t belong here. These men and women who actually lived it. You flinched at the memory that plagued you last night. Boot camp. It was rough, but Steve made it through. Not without sore bones and an asthma attack or two. But it wasn’t you.

You feel like a fraud.

You could feel yourself at a different time, a darker room. People who were a little more sad.

After the blip, when everyone came back, the world was a mess. People who had moved on now had their spouses, partners, kids back. Some of them had new kids, had gotten remarried. Others had died during the blip. The accidents caused by disappearing drivers, pilots. People who couldn’t handle the loss. People returning was just as bad as people disappearing. But everyone picked themselves back up a little easier.

There was optimism with loss. Iron Man, Tony Stark. Black Widow, Natasha Romanoff. Captain America, Steve Rogers. They sacrificed their lives in order to save everyone in the entire universe. There were murals of their faces in every borough of New York City. You passed three on your way in.

“This VA is a little different than the one I ran in DC,” Sam said, “But it’s pretty much the same.” There was a mural of their faces in this community center. It made you a little sick. You could almost feel him looking over your shoulder, Steve, hot on your back. Like he was actually there.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Bucky told you as the three of you parked the car, “Get some coffee, eat some snacks. You can just observe.” He was trying hard for you, hand on your back, rubbing slightly to comfort you, but you felt empty when he walked away to talk to a man who was much older. Someone who was almost his actual age, in a wheelchair playing cards with men not much younger than him.

It wasn’t hard to forget that Bucky was supposedly in his hundreds. It was 2025, the guy was 108 years old. He looked to be in his 30s. You felt like you were a hundred, suddenly the coffee wasn’t that bad.

“New here?” A man sidled up next to you, pouring himself a cup of coffee from the metal coffee server next to you. He was handsome, but had the same hollow look in his eyes that you’d often seen in Bucky and Sam. Even Steve. You scraped your fingernail gently against the styrofoam. Nervously you answered,

“Yeah,” You took a sip from your coffee. Fraud. “I’m just here with some friends though,” You explained, gesturing to Sam. “I’m not- I haven’t.” He chuckled, stirring his creamer with one of the wooden stir sticks before studying you.

“It’s okay,” He smiled. Charming. “You don’t have to explain.” His hair looked like it was cut with kitchen scissors, you noticed. Shaggy and reaching around his ears. Five o’clock shadow, motor oil around his nail beds. “I’ve been coming here for about a year now,” He explained. “It gets easier.” Sip of coffee and a sweet smile. “No matter what brought you here.”

“I’m Y/N.” You offered him your hand. He grinned, his teeth were perfectly straight.

“I’m Eric.” His hand was rough and calloused in yours, a shiver went through your body when you noticed he had dimples. “Do you wanna sit by me, maybe?” He gestured over to where Sam and Bucky were setting up the circle of chairs. You looked over at the both of them, who seemed intent on trying to not pay attention to your conversation. You tugged your bottom lip between your teeth as you stared at Bucky for a moment more, heart aching,

“Sure.”

He refreshed your coffee for you and sat a little too close to make you comfortable. You didn’t notice Bucky and Sam exchange a look, before Bucky decided to sit on the other side of you.

“You okay?” He asked, nudging your arm softly, eyes pointedly glancing at Eric. You nodded silently, giving him a soft smile.

“Yeah, I’m good.” You could tell he felt unsure, shifting down in his seat so he could look at Eric from behind you.

Bucky was unsure about this guy.

“He’s just being friendly,” Sam assured him as they brought out the metal folding chairs from the utility closet. “We left her alone for a while, she obviously was uncomfortable.” Bucky huffed grumpily.

“He’s trying to hit on her.” Sam rolled his eyes.

“Relax Buck.” Sam unfolded the papers from his pocket and laid them on the chair he’d be using, “She’s fine.” It didn’t stop him from heavily taking the chair next to yours, leaning back in his seat to examine the guy as he talked, trying to read him and see what he was all about.

“I lost my wife in the field.” He said. Your heart broke, “We were in separate divisions. I’m a marine, she was in the air force.” You could see Bucky shift in his seat. “During the blip she was running drills with a teammate, the plane went down when her teammate blipped.” Eric’s eyes were watery when they met yours, shifting awkwardly in his seat. “I had blipped myself so…” He swallowed harshly. “When I came back… I had nothing to come back to. I always thought if either of us were to die at war it would be me y’know? The air force is typically pretty safe.”

“We were all affected by the blip,” Sam explained, “Some in more ways than others. You’re very brave for sharing that with us.” Bucky grunted next to you and you looked over at him, sunk down in his seat, hands in his jacket pockets, starting ahead at Sam.

“I’m so sorry.” You whispered to Eric, placing a hand on his arm. He looked at you with a watery smile.

“I’m trying to move on,” He explained to the group. “It’s been two years since I’ve been back and I think it’s finally time.” The group clapped for him in encouragement.

The air here was tense. Everyone had a story like this, something similar anyway. Sam lost his best friend out in the field. A girl named Ally lost her right leg in Afghanistan. A man named Neil’s daughter died overseas in war, he fought in Vietnam. It was heartbreaking. These people were laying themselves bare, exposing their insecurities and their fears. Their never ending night terrors and crowd anxiety. Slowly, over time, the room became lighter. More relieved.

“You think you’ll be back?” Eric asked you as people were collecting their belongings. You shifted your empty coffee cup between your hands, looking at Bucky behind you.

“Maybe,” You said with a nervous smile.

“We just have to clean up and then we can go if you want,” Bucky interrupted, giving Eric a tight smile before looking at you.

“We can stay if you wanted to play some cards or something?” You offered. Bucky had promised one of the older men from earlier that he would stick around and play a hand or two. He shrugged, looking over at Sam.

“I’m just saying, the first time is kind of intense,” Eric was standing off to the side awkwardly during this exchange where Bucky seemed to be ignoring his presence. “If you wanna go back home we can.” His hand lay comfortingly on your arm.

You shake your head, “No, go ahead. I’ll be fine.” He nodded once, eyes drifting back to Eric’s momentarily before grabbing both of your chairs and walking away.

“Your boyfriend is scary.” Eric laughed nervously.

“Oh he’s not-” You gestured towards Bucky, “He’s not my boyfriend, we’re just like-” You didn’t know how to properly explain it, “Roommates.” Sounds about right.

Relief crossed Eric’s features, “Oh good,” He walked with you back over to the coffee and continued as you poured yourself another cup, “So it wouldn’t be too forward of me to ask you to dinner?” Your hand stilled under the coffee server, looking up at the man beside you.

He was handsome and from what you could tell he was kind. It just wasn’t the right time. You had so much going on. How would you even begin to explain the compound? He had to know who Bucky and Sam were.

“Is that a no?” He chuckled nervously. You sighed and looked down at the black liquid in your cup.

“I’m sorry,” Your eyes met his crestfallen ones, “It’s just…” you looked over at Bucky and Sam, sitting down to join the older men in a game of poker. “I’m recovering from heart surgery and it’s been…a process.” A soft smile broke out on his face,

“Not technically a no… can I at least give you my number?” He offered, pulling his phone from his pocket. “Maybe once you’re a little more out of the process?” You’ve never really dated, having been too sick for most of your life. This could be your chance to go on an honest to god date. Flowers, dinner, everything. You were still so unsure of your feelings. Steve’s and yours mixed all together in this overflowing pot you’d been trying to keep from spilling over.

“Sure,” You pulled your phone out of the pocket of your dress, exchanging numbers with him. He was charming and if that dimple was anything to go by, you could imagine caring about him. Someone that seemed as broken as you felt. Maybe. In a different place, a better life.

“Stay safe out there.” He called as you left to join Sam and Bucky at the poker table.

“You too,” You called back, choosing to pointedly ignore Sam and Bucky’s questioning looks.

“What was that all about?” Sam asked teasingly. A blush spread across your cheeks,

“Nothing.” Bucky was stiff next to you. They dealt you in, a game you’d never played before, but the older man--Louie--assured you he’d help you out. He was wearing his Vietnam veteran hat and he told you that you reminded him of his granddaughter.

“You shouldn’t really be dating right now.” Bucky said later on in the car on the ride home. Sam gave him a side eye,

“Buck, chill.” Sam glanced at you in the rear-view mirror.

“It’s none of your business frankly.” What the fuck? “I told him no.” You pulled your phone from your pocket, sinking down in the back seat.

“I’m just saying,” Bucky shrugged, looking out the car window, “You should be focusing on figuring out whatever is going on with you right now.”

“What do you think I’m doing?” You snapped, glaring at the back of his head. God his hair was shiny. “What is your problem?”

“Yeah, Bucky, what’s your problem?” Sam pulled up to the gate of the compound, scanning a key card to enter. He grumbled in the passenger seat,

“Something’s off about that guy.” He explained to the both of you, “I don’t like him.”

“Something off like what?” You asked angrily, leaning towards the passenger seat. “Him asking me to dinner or him crying about his dead wife?”

“I don’t know yet.” You rolled your eyes, shifting away from him.

“This is just like that time Barbie Goldstien asked me to the Sadie Hawkins instead of you, you literally swore she was doing it to be mean.” You accused. Heart dropping out of your chest practically as you realize what you just said. The car was parked and the three of you sat in a tense silence. No one moved. Your throat was closing up, where did all the air go? Bucky practically ripped the car door off, kicking it open with his foot, leaving it open. He walked four paces away towards the front door before turning and returning to the car, ducking his head back in to stare you down, face enraged,

“She did ask Steve as a prank, I told her to either go with him for real or to fake sick otherwise I was going to tell everyone about her pissing herself in the hallway in the first grade. So my intuition was right.” Car door slammed and he was stomping up to the house, leaving the two of you in a strange silence. You tossed your head back, looking at the sky from the back window of the car, tears welling in your eyes.

“I can never win Sam.” He leaned back against the headrest sighing heavily. “I’m losing what’s me and what is him.” He looked at you from the rearview mirror, you lifted your head to look at him.

“Bucky is never going to be easy.” He explained, “He’s trying.” You know he is. “He’s trying.” Sam repeated again, rubbing his eyes.

You didn’t see either of them for the rest of the night.

“I’m getting better at it,” Wanda said, her powers. Practicing. They were incredible, powerful. She was strong, “I lost a lot of confidence after what happened in Nigeria, but I’ve come a long way since then.” She was lifting things in the gym, both of you in workout gear, she was showing you how easily she could lift heavy objects, but you already knew that. You’ve already seen it. “I try not to use the mind warping unless I actually have to.” She explains. You remember that too. She’d shown you Peggy.

She’d shown Steve, Peggy.

You could almost feel her dress beneath your fingertips, swaying side to side, dancing in your living room. Nat King Cole crooning over the speakers of the record table under the window that faced the rose bushes you’d planted for her, their buds just peeking over the windowsill. A roast was in the oven, it was Sunday.

“I was thinking of taking a Holiday,” She whispered against your chest. “We could go to the beach?” You hummed in contentment,

“We can do that.” You flitted back to the quiet singing coming over the speakers. This is what you wanted wasn’t it? Peggy was in your arms, shield and hammer packed away. For all intents and purposes you were a house husband. Coming out whenever Peggy had something she needed your help with, but for the most part…

You cooked, cleaned, you’d recently been discussing having a child.

Who were you now?

You were just Steve Rogers.

Just Steve.

“Hey,” Wanda was in your line of vision, “You okay?” You hummed,

“Yeah, did I have another seizure?” She shook her head.

“No, you just kind of drifted off, like daydreaming.” Huh. “You had another memory?” Her brow was pinched in concern.

“Yeah,” You shake your head as if clearing a fog. “I did.” You sighed heavily, rolling back to lay down on the mat beneath you, staring at the ceiling.

“What was it about?” She asked, sitting herself next to you.

“Peggy.” You gave her a tense smile. “It’s so strange to love someone—remember someone—in such an intimate way, someone I’ve never known myself… but Steve loved her.” Wanda nodded, hand coming to rub your back soothingly.

“He left all of us for her.” Emotion thick in her voice.

It was hard to remember that Bucky wasn’t the only person that lost Steve. The only person who was devastated by him leaving. He left handprints on all of these people’s lives and just left. “The only selfish thing the guy’s ever done in his life.” Sam told you with a humorless laugh.

No.

Steve’s done a bunch of selfish things.

The accords.

You felt the self-righteousness. The belief in being right. A part of you still staunchly believes you did the right thing, the only thing you could have done. The only thing Steve could have done. But you know that it could have been handled differently.

Steve was clouded by thoughts of Bucky and the need to protect the man who always protected him. Bucky was a good kid. Better than Steve ever was. While Bucky was taking care of his Ma, his sister Becca, and Steve himself, Steve was off getting into fights and trying to illegally enlist in the war he would lose Bucky to.

Bucky was really good at science and math, he liked dancing and music, he loved the movies. He had time for all of those things, when he wasn’t pulling twelve hour shifts at the canary and picking Steve’s sorry ass off the street where his face had found someone’s fists.

You suddenly realized why Bucky looked so tired.

He’s been tired his entire life.

“I can understand why he did it,” Wanda continued, “If I had the chance to have either of them back…” You nodded solemnly, the two of you coming to hold each other in the middle of the gym.

“That’s the thing though right?” You stared over her shoulder, watching Bucky as he entered the gym, eyes catching yours, “If we all got everything we ever wanted the world would probably be a much more terrible place.”

You were trying to sleep when the first text came in,

Eric: Hey, I know this is a little soon and you said you weren’t ready to date, but everyone has time for friends right?

You stared at your phone screen in the dark, thinking about the man you had met earlier in the day. You’ve always felt pretty average. You knew you weren’t ugly, but you wouldn’t exactly compare yourself to Gal Gadot or anything. You’d just never had the time for actual dating. You were born with heart problems, they persisted throughout your entire life getting increasingly worse until you found yourself on the table under a knife getting the heart of a deceased super soldier. In high school, prime dating years, you spent more time in the hospital than in the classroom and you were sickly, pale, always with bags under your eyes and a crushing fatigue.

You’d never been approached like this before.

You’d never been asked on a date before.

You’d never had someone ask you for your number and then text you the same day before.

This was new.

So what are you supposed to do? You stared at your phone screen in the dark, the light from it illuminating your face as you typed out your reply.

Do you want to get coffee sometime?

taglist // @nutellakirb @witch-of-letters @torntaltos @emotionallysalty @bookish-shristi @saturnki @jennmurawski13 @geeksareunique @albinotigerpython @an-lover

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #Steve Rogers #Avengers #captain america #sebastian stan

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yulmoldauer · 4 years ago

Text

its better not to say such things out loud (Tyson Jost/OC): Chapter One

part 2

Story summary: Mason Wright was recently traded and because an Av. Sometimes a fresh start with a new team across the country is what a guy needs, right? It seems to work out, going to a place where no one truly knows you. That is, until someone finds out what you’re desperately trying to hide.

Chapter 1

Summary: Mason’s had a rough game, to put it simply. It was never the best idea to get into a fight with someone bigger than you. They won even with him taking a five-minute major for fighting halfway through the third period. The team goes out to celebrate his 23rd birthday post-win and Tyson takes care of getting him home and to sleep safely.

Warnings: None, I believe! Just some drinking mentioned and there’s a drunk character if that makes you uncomfortable. There’s also a slur against lgbt people used.

Words: 1,968

Notes: The title is from The Stigma (Boys Don’t Cry) by As It Is. This is the thing with the LGBT main character that I’ve had a few different people tell me they’d be interested in :) I’m having a lot of fun writing and plotting this so far, so let me know if you enjoy!

There were perks to being smaller than most other people in the league. Being an extremely fast and skilled defenseman was one of them.

Being outmatched in every possible articulation, being compared to a chihuahua yapping at a pitbull, everything like that. Which is how he ended up in the penalty box for five fucking minutes, the asshole in the box next to him chirping him the entire time, it seemed like.

“What are you, a fag?”

That was what Mason heard fly by him, aimed at Jost who wouldn’t get into a fight to draw a penalty. Mason knew for a fact that’s what the guy was trying to do. He still took the bait when Tyson didn’t.

Mason was smaller than nearly every player he knew. Watching him get into a fight was exciting yet painful at the same time for anyone with a brain. The other guy was at least six-foot compared to the five-foot-eight Mason. To say it was outmatched…

Mason was going to be lucky if he didn’t come out of this with some scrapes and bruises. A broken nose was pretty likely as well, once he thought about it.

But hearing that word ignited something in him that overtook the reasoning section of his brain and both of them were dropping gloves. Sure, he’d definitely have a black eye tomorrow, but he’d gotten a few good licks in as well.

They still won the game, which was nice.

“Dude, you gotta at least get into it with guys in your weight class.”

“You’re funny, Landeskog. Whole fucking league is out of my weight class,” Mason huffed as he stripped his padding off of his lean torso.

“Yeah, kinda the point,” Zadorov shrugged. “Not your fault you’re smaller, just the way it is.”

“I get it, I’m short,” he ran a hand through his wavy helmet hair and reached down to unlace his skates. “Z, you can fight for me, then. I’ll run my mouth and you can do all the hitting.”

“With you? Don’t take it, man, Wright can go on and on for hours,” Tyson chirped from across the room. That earned him a glove chucked at his face.

“Fuck y’all. I don’t even have a good comeback.”

“Because it’s true!”

Okay, maybe it was true. Mason was just a talker, it’s how it was.

Tyson gave him endless shit about it, but really he didn’t mind. He actually enjoyed just being able to turn his brain off and absorb whatever stuck from what Mason was going on about. Usually it didn’t even matter--ranting about how a show got robbed of some award that doesn’t even matter, spewing information about whatever book he was reading, going off about whatever asshole did something stupid during his day-- Tyson would just let him go until he ran out of steam. Conversations were nice, too, when he was in just a talkative mood as well.

Mason did know how to shut up, though. Sometimes. (Hint: that’s what made him the favorite out of the Wright/Zadorov best friend duo. He could be quieter than Z. They’ve threatened to separate the two on multiple occasions, though.)

“What’d that guy even do to rile you up? You looked pissed,” Nate broke Mason out of his train of thought.

“Just called someone something stupid. I’m not gonna repeat it.”

“He called me a fag because I wouldn’t take the bait for the penalty,” Tyson said soon after. “He’s just a fucking moron because he got a longer penalty than any of us.”

There was an uncomfortable moment as that sunk in, then a few “what the fuck” or “that’s gross” phrases before people moved on to heading to the showers.

Mason was about to sneak away when Tyson called out his name.

“Hey, I wanted to catch you before you hit the shower. You got a second?”

“Yeah, sure. I just have to do some pt kind of stuff before I shower. What’s up?” he offered with a friendly smile.

“I just wanted to thank you for sticking up for me. You definitely didn’t have to, but calling him on it drew a ton of attention to it. I think it’s really important to start weeding that shit out of the sport, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Mason smiled. “I--thanks, man. That means a lot to me.”

“‘Course,” Tyson gave a nod. “And you know if you were, like… y’know, gay or… anything, really, I wouldn’t care. And neither would anyone else on the team. It’d totally be okay.”

Mason wanted to give him a reassuring “I know” but couldn’t. Hockey was definitely not the environment known for welcoming lgbt kids and turning them into well-adjusted, accepted adults.

“Thanks,” Mason murmured. “Really, that means a lot.”

“Of course,” Tyson breathed, like he was getting a huge weight off his chest. “Um, yeah. I’ll let you go do your physical therapy stuff now. I’ll see you at the bar after everything’s done here?”

“Yeah, I’m not gonna ditch you for my birthday, idiot.”

With an excited smile, Tyson turned and headed in the opposite direction.

Once he reached an area to chill out while waiting for the showers to clear out, Mason sighed, plopping into a chair and resting his head in his hands.

Obviously he knew why Tyson brought up starting to call out homophobia and other bigoted shit they were all used to just overlooking. But why did he bring up the whole ‘we’d accept you no matter what’ thing?

The thought of ‘he was very sensitive to a slur so maybe he’s gay’ never crossed Mason’s mind. That would simply be too easy and rational.

Did Tyson know he was different? What exactly did Tyson know? There was no way Tyson would out him, but still. Trusting people to keep a secret was hard. It was just easier to bottle everything up.

God, he needed to figure this out.

Maybe he’d get drunk enough tonight to just forget for a little while. He didn’t get drunk or even drink all that often, he could let go every now and then.

At the beginning of the night, Gabe took his keys, promising that he’d give them to whoever would be driving Mason home. They all knew for a fact Mason wouldn’t drive drunk, it wasn’t even in the realm of possibilities. Honestly, they were more worried about the newly twenty-three-year-old losing them or putting them somewhere so he’d ‘remember where they are later’, which was proven ineffective at the last gathering Gabe threw.

“If you can’t figure out where the stupid keys are, he can come get them in the morning or I can drop them off to him or something,” Gabe rolled his eyes.

“You’re sure you don’t remember where you put them?” JT triple-checked. He’d been the designated driver for a few of them, including Mason, Tyson, and a couple others who had already gotten out to the car.

Mason shook his head. “I’m not even that drunk,” he insisted.

“Uh-huh. Gabe, just let me know if you find ‘em and we can work something out for him in the morning.”

Twenty minutes later, Gabe sent a picture and “anyone know who these belong to?” in the group chat. It was, without a doubt, Mason’s keys, adorned with a keychain reading “DETROIT” in graffiti lettering. He was from Detroit, and everyone knew that he refused to take that keychain off until it literally fell off for some sentimental reason, most likely.

‘Lol where’d you find it?’ someone texted back.

‘My dishwasher. His wallet was there too’

Mason has still never heard the end of that. No matter how hard he tried to explain that when he put them somewhere, it meant that he wouldn’t lose them or buy something stupid online (last time that happened, he bought a thing to hang on a window so your cat could sit on it and sunbathe. Mason has not owned a cat at any point in his life.) and he’d remember where it was once he sobered up.

Of course he still gets relentless shit for it. He wouldn’t expect any different.

Currently, Mason and Z were arm wrestling over a table in the back of the bar, people beginning to call it quits and going home. And with his pride hurt that he could not beat Z in an arm wrestling match, Tyson stole the other’s keys and wallet from Gabe, saying goodbyes and forcing Mason to as well.

“You are blasted, man.”

“Mmph,” he shrugged and laid his head against the passenger window. “I wanna lay down and sleep.”

“You can when I get you home. Gimmie your seatbelt so I can buckle you in.”

Mason followed the order with a small pout, not drunk enough to the point of incoherence but… definitely a little fucked up. Tyson had done this before: dealing with the mopey friend at the end of the night. Mason was definitely one to get mopey or clingy once they left the main event.

“My face hurts.”

“That checks out, buddy. I’ll get you some ice for it back at your place. What?” Tyson continued to ask when Mason stared out the windshield all angsty.

“Still can’t believe I couldn’t beat Z.”

“That guy could slam most of us through a table, don’t beat yourself up.”

“Can’t. Someone already did.”

“You’re full of jokes, huh?”

Mason just grinned sleepily as they pulled into the apartment complex and Tyson had an arm wrapped around his friend to keep him steady. Getting a drunk person to go to bed was usually one of the hardest parts of the night.

“Would you just--”

“I got it,” Mason huffed, fumbling with his keys near the lock of the door.

“Dude.”

“Shut up, you’re gonna wake up my neighbors,” he grumbled, finally getting the door open with a triumphant “see? I’m an adult.”

“I see. Go be an adult and get ready to go to bed,” Tyson rolled his eyes, taking the keys out of the door and locking it behind them.

“I don’t wanna sleep,” he replied quickly.

“You’re drunk, what do you mean you don’t want to sleep?”

“Not tired,” he flopped down on the couch.

“At least get out of your clothes. That way if you fall asleep it’s in pajamas.”

Mason was sprawled out, already clicking through Netflix.

“Fine, I will go get you pajamas. Here,” Tyson pressed a cold compress to a bruise on his face and headed to the bedroom.

“Thanks for driving me,” he heard from the other room.

“‘Course,” Tyson called back. “Here, put these on,” he tossed the clothes at Mason.

“Are you staying here? You can take the guest room, if you want.”

“Sure. Probably easier than trying to get home this late,” Tyson shrugged and headed for the kitchen. As he heard the rustling around of what he assumed was his friend changing, Tyson got a glass of water and painkillers for when Mason woke up.

“I can drive you home tomorrow,” Mason slurred even more heavily as he began getting more tired. He’d managed to get his jeans off and a pair of shorts on before moving onto the shirt. He’d just pulled his shirt off when Tyson walked back in the room with the water.

“Woah,” he said quietly, stopping quickly.

For whatever reason, he’d never realized that he had never seen his teammate and friend shirtless. That was weird, especially when you played sports together for a living. He assumed it was due to the faded scars along his chest, almost in a u-shape under each pec.

He didn’t even know what kind of injury would cause that kind of surgery.

“When did you get surgery?”

Fuck was all that ran through Mason’s head.

#nhl #hockey #mens hockey #hockey imagine #nhl imagine #fanfiction #m/m ship #nhl fanfiction #hockey fanfiction #hockey fandom #nhl fandom #tyson jost #avalanche #colorado avalanche #Colorado Avalanche fanfic #my stuff

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yikes-xander · 4 years ago

Text

000:00:00:00

PLAYLIST ANALYSIS

This is actually me just rambling about my thoughts on each song and why I chose them for this specific playlist rather than like.. an actually good and smart sounding in-depth analysis sorry :/

When I Met You - Ethan Nestor

There are many reasons I chose this one! Mostly the lyrics, but Ethan also sings it so it’s extra fitting for the playlist, especially as the opener.

“When I met you my life was blue, I was so lonely / You took me by surprise” The channel came into my life at the perfect time. I was feeling low, in my last year of high school, struggling with thoughts about the future. It especially helped me through quarantine. Every day I felt like quitting, giving up on putting effort into school/not graduating, but I had something to look forward to every day too, so I pushed through.

“Now you're gone from my life / I'm adrift on the sea” Once the stream ended and the channel was gone, I didn’t know how I felt. I felt sad, but also something I’ve never felt before. After watching Ethan’s video yesterday, hearing him explain he felt the same way, I felt so relieved. I think this lyric kind of describes how I feel now honestly, just kinda numb? Like I’m lost. I’m working on it.

Another Night - Story Untold

More of a light-hearted one now! To me, this song made me think about how good it felt to be a part of the audience.

“Here we go for another night / Another night goofing all around” Everyone (the audience, Mark, Ethan, etc.) having fun every single day? *chefs kiss*

“Laughing 'til our stomachs hurt / And I can't let this moment pass me by” Once again, made me think of all the good times that were a part of the channel, and all the good feelings they gave me.

“So here’s to a night we’ll remember / This is a time we never wanna forget” I think this is kind of self-explanatory? I don’t think any of us want to forget Unus Annus. Personally, it’s literally the best thing I’ve ever had the chance to see happen and be a part of.

100 Bad Days - AJR

This song just gives me good vibes, UA gave me good vibes, it had to be on the playlist. I don’t have much else to say about it.

History - One Direction

This song kind of reminds me of Ethan and Mark separately and UA as a whole. Because like,, they make a great team, they have a lot of history (friends for a long time, Ethan was a fan of Mark before that, etc.)

“You and me got a whole lot of history / So don't let it go, we can make some more, we can live forever” A year is a long time but also feels like no time at all. Sometimes I wish we had more time for UA, but I’m glad I was here for what we got.

“This is not the end” Unus Annus is something I’ll never forget.

Dopamine - With Confidence

Maybe also kind of self-explanatory? Dopamine makes you feel good!! UA also makes me feel good. And the song talks about losing it too so.. yeah

This Is Home - Cavetown

I’m not exactly sure why I felt so drawn to this? But the vibes are immaculate.

“Are you dead? / Sometimes I think I'm dead / 'Cause I can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head / But I don't wanna fall asleep just yet” after the stream vibes anyone? Or is it just me? I stayed up way too long after it was over. Too many thoughts head full

“Time is / Slowly / Tracing his face / But strangely he feels at home in this place” Unus and Annus,, the Boys of Time babey!!

Ghost Of You - 5 Seconds of Summer

Again.. The VIBES are IMMACULATE. It’s just a sad song for a sad time.

“Too young, too dumb / To know things like love” I’m just a stupid boy who got emotionally attached to a channel whose whole purpose was to DIE and I’m sensitive about it.

All I Wanted - Paramore

Lyrics make me do a Think

“Wake up early to black and white re-runs” colors of the channel,, thinking about all the vids,, the memories :(

“I could follow you to the beginning / And just to relive the start / And maybe then we'll remember to slow down / At all of our favorite parts” this entire verse?? Oh my god. Absolutely *chefs kiss* I think we all know what I mean and like,, why it gives me UA vibes

The Kids from Yesterday - My Chemical Romance

This song just gives me like sad nostalgic vibes so I thought it fit well.

“... you only hear the music when your heart begins to break” the timer reaches the end and the ticking stops? Heartbreaking, that’s all

I Will Follow You into the Dark - Death Cab for Cutie

Another song thats just,, sad so it fits

“Love of mine, someday you will die” we knew from the start the the channel would literally die when the clock stopped,,

“It's nothing to cry about 'cause we'll hold each other soon / In the blackest of rooms” shut up I’m mourning someone hold my hand

“I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black” death goddess Amy vibes

I’ll Always Be Around - Waterparks

“If you died I'd hope you'd haunt me / Because you know I'd miss you bad” we all love UA so much!! And miss it a ton already

“I'd never I'd never I'd never get you off my mind” it’s always thinking about Unus Annus hours

Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi

There are multiple lyrics in this song that just make me remember we only have our memories of the channel left

“Our every moment, I start to replace / 'Cause now that they're gone, all I hear are the words that I needed to say” the vids are replaced with only memories, replayed over and over

“Well, time can heal but this won't” I’ll be sad about this forever mind ur business

“But all I can think about is seeing that look on your face” the very last moment of the stream? Amy and Mark looking at the camera, Mark’s lil smile, Ethan looking back at the clock as the last few seconds tick by? AAAAH

Scarlet Cross - Black Veil Brides

Heard this and immediately reverted back to my middle school self but that’s beside the point.

“... you can't deny / The end is coming, the end is coming” we knew from the start that the channel would die

“Will we live? / Will we die? / Just keep on saving our goodbyes” There were points where people were theorizing that the channel wouldn’t actually end, there were clips near the end where the clock reversed by a few seconds, etc. need I say more?

“Hold onto me, and I can't let go” we’re all mourning, we didn’t want to say goodbye I know I’m not the only sad one

Body - Mother Mother

This song just SCREAMS Unus and Annus vibes I think we can all agree

“I've grown tired of this body / Fall apart without me, body” Unus and Annus are just entities using Ethan and Mark’s bodies,, they know their time is up so they have to leave,, the LORE it makes sense okay leave me alone

Here Comes the End - Gerard Way (ft Judith Hill)

At this point I’m just listing lyrics that I vibe with that remind me of UA and also make me sad but that’s because I’m dumb and I don’t know how to express myself or explain my thoughts oops

“The time is running out / The days are moving fast” literally every day after each video,, seeing the clock tick down? My HEART she hurt

“The clock is moving / Hands to midnight / Can we get through this?” For me, the stream ended right at midnight so THE VIBES I was sobbing

When Can I See You Again? - Owl City

“Switch on the sky and the stars glow for you / Go see the world 'cause it’s all so brand new” this lyric remind me of the vid where they were in the desert and they just looked at the stars and had a nice talk it was so wholesome I love them

“It's been fun but now I've got to go / Life is way too short to take it slow” Unus Annus is gone but we all have to remember to live, do what you want with no regrets.

(Don’t Fear) The Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult

This one is another pretty self explanatory one honestly

It’s also just a vibe like a lot of the other songs that’s all I have to say about it

Safe and Sound - Capital Cities

This song just radiates such good feelings man oof

Unus Annus felt like such a safe lil bubble for me?? Like,, Mark and Ethan did dumb shit because they WANTED TO I felt so validated like,, I also would do dumb shit if I could that probably makes no sense but I love them so it doesn’t matter

Happiest Year - Jaymes Young

This one absolutely BREAKS MY HEART

“I'm here to admit / That you were my medicine” yall,, UA was the only thing that kept me going and I'm not afraid to admit it

“Thank you for the happiest year of my life” literally the only thing that gave me serotonin oops :/

“So wake me up when they build that time machine / I want to go back” do I need to explain? Even though this year has been shitty irl, I would relive it in a heartbeat

The 3ND - Story Untold

I know this is a breakup song,, but hear me out

Some of the lyrics FIT and it’s my playlist I can do what I want shut up

“I never wanted what we had to end / But now it's over” once again,, no need to explain

“I know we had our dreams and we had plans… / That now it's time to let go” this just makes me think of the video where they talk about the video ideas they had but never filmed or just didn't post,, the CONTENT WE COULD'VE GOTTEN i'm sad

Still Remembering - AS IT IS

These boys.. My fave band of all time but also literally all their songs have immaculate vibes

“My heart's as heavy / As these nights are long” this gives me after the stream feels,, I stayed up way too long after it ended I couldn't sleep because I was sad :/

“Can you tell me what hurts more / Is it remembering or forgetting?” The whole chorus just hits me so hard man I'm so scared that I'm gonna forget unus annus because my brain is shitty even though I know I won't? I’m deadass getting a tattoo as soon as I can

Take Me Away - With Confidence

This song just makes me think about how UA was kind of an escape for me? And a lot of people yknow sometimes you just need to get your mind off of this happening around you and UA was really good for that in my opinion

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

Once again saying I would relive this year if I had the chance

Unus Annus was one of a kind, no one will ever be able to recreate it

Where’d All the Time Go? - Dr. Dog

A year sounds like such a long time but it goes by way too fast

Also I think Amy had this on her instagram story after the stream? I don't remember but THE VIBES

This December - Ricky Montgomery

Why do so many ricky montgomery songs have UA vibes? Idk

“Well, this December, I'll remember / Want you to see it when I do” UA ended in november,, we’ll remember in december and forever it FITS

“It’s just a little bit, It’s just a little bit / Lonely in this home / It’s always colder on your own'' honestly now that UA is gone there's like,, a void and I'm sad (I keep saying that but it's true so..)

When You Die - MGMT

Maybe this is the song Amy had in her story after the stream? Again,, I don’t remember

I think this one is also pretty self explanatory

Except I was feeling A LOT when the channel died but I’m glad the team was also kinda in their feels a bit yknow? It made me feel better about it

Good Times - All Time Low

“Underneath the stars we came alive / And singing to the sky just felt right / I won't forget the good times” once again,, that stargazing vid? IM CRYING all the vids gave me so much serotonin I loved them all and each day was such a good day

“I'll hate the goodbye” I don't need to explain..

“Middle fingers up, ego trip / Devil may care but we didn't mind” the chaotic vibes of the channel is what sucked me in I live for chaos that's what this lyric makes me think of

Goodnight, Travel Well - The Killers

I don't think I really need to explain this one because,, just listen to the song and you'll get it but I'll just list some fave lyrics of mine

“There's nothing I can say / There's nothing we can do now” end of the stream vibes for sure

“And all that stands between the souls release / This temporary flesh and bone / We know that it's over now” Unus and Annus vibes

Line Without a Hook - Ricky Montgomery

This is one of the songs that I hear a lot in like edits I see on twitter and stuff associated with UA and I Get It the vibes are so good the song is so good I love it

“Oh, baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you / I need you here to stay” one of my fave lyrics and also just,, makes sense I miss UA

As the World Caves In - Matt Maltese

Another song that's in a lot of edits and stuff that's also,, amazing and MAKES SENSE the vibes!!

“And here it is, our final night alive” the STREAM

“You put your finest suit on / I paint my fingernails / Oh we're going out in style babe” Our boys,, Unus and Annus in the suits and eths painted nails? An absolute LOOK

I just love this song so much its so good and makes me so sad

The End. - My Chemical Romance

This song is just So Sad

And the heart monitor beeping in the beginning?? Reminds me of the clock ticking my heart is BROKEN

If you actually read all of this? I love you!! This was 6 pages so thank you for sticking through and listening to all of my dumb thoughts

#playlist #analysis #dumb thoughts #unus annus #i wouldve formatted this better but it crashed like 3 times so i kinda gave up #also.. highly suggest actually listening to the songs #the playlist i mad eis in the playlist tag on my blog

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wwounu · 5 years ago

Text

love talk | lee jihoon

—every thoughtful curve of each letter on the ivory paper, it’s rose pink envelope standing out from the rest of the simple, white envelopes, your heart can only yearn more from the warm, loving words. you yearn, yet, you don’t seem to realise the answer is a miracle waiting to happen

“because of you, each day is beautiful. sometimes, i’m afraid it’ll all vanish, but each time i think that, you look at me and smile. you’re my miracle, it’s you.”

pairing: jihoon x reader + love letter!au

word count: 15k

warning: tiny tiny angst

note: 15.1k words?!?! this may have been the longest piece i have written ever, and i’m still late for woozi day... ah, i’m so annoyed with myself, i stayed up until 1am twice just to finish this, but never did get to finish it! but here we are! if i had more time, then i would’ve been able to write the ending much better, i think the only reason why it became an adlib to me was because i wanna watch vagabond... i’m also officially back — hooray! it’ll take me some time to adjust, i guess, a lot has happened since i’ve been gone, but i still followed svt because it’s me. in regards to opposites attract i’ll make a separate post about that, but for now, i hope you all enjoy this long fanfic! it really challenged me as a writer and, little fun fact, this was supposed to be a minghao fic originally. happy belated birthday, jihoon, i hope you remain happy and healthy for eternity. i admire you so much. (i promise you this is a jihoon fanfic haha — this isn’t proofread either... also iida best boy mwah)

An ivory paper sits securely inside your palm; its fluffy, blunt edge from where it’s been ripped apart multiple other pages, contrasting with neat and straight folds, care put into them. The envelope that originally held the note was rose pink — different from the simplicity of white envelopes — the change unusual but comforting as you read each handwritten curve of your name, a small heart at the end, possibly drawn hesitantly, probably not.

A wave of familiarity hits upon unfolding the contents, simple yet pretty handwriting filling the page, its ink radiating all the warmth from the words.

I thought about you today.

A strange thought to confess to you, but I just felt like saying it, so please hear me out.

You look like you’ve been busy these days, which is why I haven’t been writing as much to you. I didn’t want to be such a disturbance to your studies. Though — as I realised — it’s also important to support you and give the positive reminders you deserve. I know I’m quite late to it all, so I hope I can make it up to you next time… Not sure how I’ll do that yet, it’s still in the works.

I’m getting off track — just remember to take it easy on yourself and that you’re doing well so far. Good luck on your remaining essays! Things will get better afterwards, so hang in there for me, promise?

Oh! Do you know the strawberry milk on the table? That’s for you too. I promise I didn’t drug it or anything, in case you’re wondering. It’s a lame present, but I hope it energises you through the day… Ah I’m so lame haha. One day I’ll give to you in person.

I missed your smile, I hope I can see it again. You shine the brightest when you do.

(Did you also like the change in envelope? I think I’ll be using coloured envelopes more these days~)

Miracle.

You fold the letter and place in back into the envelope, eyes attracted to the carton of strawberry milk, a baby pink post-it note taped onto it saying drink well~ in the same writing. Your hand immediately reaches to the drink, punching the straw and taking a long, refreshed sip.

While you enjoy your drink, your eyes fly back to the letter, mind lingering on a particular thought.

“Something on your mind?” Someone’s voice registers near you, breaking the train of thought. You see the pout form on his lips, face innocent as he removes his bag.

“Nothing, Jihoon. Blanked out a little,” you awkwardly stammer, smiling with the straw in your mouth.

Lee Jihoon — one of your closest friends. Before the term friends, you knew about each other through friends until he found out you were going to the same university as him, giving perfect reason to start a friendship there and then. Despite having contrasting courses (in fact you weren’t in any classes together), you were easily each other’s go-to.

Jihoon’s eyes acknowledge the open envelope with the letter hanging out, soon turning back to you. “Where did the milk come from?” He points to the cute-sized carton.

Do you tell him?

No one knew about your secret, it didn’t seem important to mention really, but it stuck in your mind whether you’d tell it someday.

The letters began at the start of the year, in the middle of a cold, cold January, the wintery hex making you go as far as to forget your backpack in the library. Fortunately, your bag was still at the same spot where you left it, saving you from the panic and fear that would’ve came if it wasn’t the case.

But as you inspect the inside, that’s when you see it. When you see the snowy white sleeve of the envelope, no name addressed, except for simple letters spelling an ode to you on the outside. Curious, you pick it up assuming it’s for you, fingers working to slide across the envelope’s tongue, revealing the note that held your first ever love letter.

Miracle was his name. Or what he called himself, really. Even though you were curious about the name’s origin, it was all explained in the second letter, where he wrote the name as a last-minute thing (that letter was written a week after the first, found inside your textbook).

Seemed fitting for him in your case.

It was strange — having multiple love letters, let alone just one — but through time it made you more excited as you received them frequently, each day being less of please don’t be a serial killer and more of I hope he writes today, ending with a small smile that you don’t admit to having whenever you say so.

The thought alone triggered your finger to hover over the letter, a sudden burst of eagerness spreading inside you.

Time to reveal yourself Miracle, you think, I’m going to do everything it takes to find you.

“Long story short,” easily, you begin, “the milk and this letter are from Miracle.”

“Miracle?” Jihoon repeats, his expression wanting more coverage.

“Miracle has been sending me letters for a while now. I know the point of secret admirers is to be anonymous, but he seems like a cool guy, I wanna be friends with him.”

“And you’re telling me you aren’t convinced this is some prank or...”

“This is my first admirer, be more happy for me!” You frown instantly, fingertips gently brushing the envelope flap. “Problem is, I have no clue who Miracle could be. He could be anyone!”

Jihoon hums, his hand held out. “Pass me the letter,”

“Don’t rip it.”

“What makes you think I’ll do that?”

“Just a hunch.”

Busy finishing the strawberry milk, Jihoon opens the letter, eyes concentrated on the page for a strong five seconds before nicely handing it back in your possession.

All of a sudden, he leaves his seat.

“Hoon?” Eyes appearing childlike, Jihoon only hums in the midst of lifting his bag. “Are you going somewhere?”

Once his bag is lazily hung on one shoulder, he says, “We’re going to Seventeen. We’ll talk about Miracle there.”

Naturally, a smile spreads across your lips. Jihoon never fails to make you float with words — always trailed with gentleness.

By Seventeen, he means the campus coffee shop. Everyone in the university has visited the cafe one way or another, whether it be the Valentines day special offer (which its ridiculous slogan was ‘All orders half price if you bring someone you like a latte!’) or to daydream over the baristas.

Its exterior and interior was as equally impressive. Walls splashed in snowy white and accented with raven black, the sign outlining 7-TEEN in a muted sapphire blue, the dangling chalkboard displaying the specials in chalky rose writing. The inside held a same, homely feeling, following the palette of desaturated pink, blues and whites, completed with the dark floorboards and tables for comfort.

You seat yourself by the window — specially requested by Jihoon — able to see most of the coffee shop and Jihoon’s place in line from the corner.

He comes back with a black mug steaming with heat, a mountain of sugar packets at its side, and a cake for you and him to share (even though you both knew that you were finishing it).

“The love letter please,” Jihoon requests after bringing out one of his many journals, pages taken out and deflating the fullness of the book. You react unpleasantly to the term, handing the item nonetheless.

He sets up the letter beside his journal, fingers holding his pen as he produces rushed, messy scribbles — it was almost unreadable. The words at the top of the page read Miracle Suspect List, a tiny giggle earned from reading it.

“Now... Any ideas?”

Even Jihoon doesn’t need words to understand the utter panic frozen your face as he asks. He huffs a sigh.

“Let’s read what Miracle says, maybe that’ll help.” Jihoon leans to the note, eyes drawing strange patterns as they move across the note. “Hm, Miracle noticed you’ve been struggling these past few days, does that ring any bells?”

“I’ve been so busy I didn’t even notice...”

“It’s okay, you had other things to focus on. Totally valid.” Rhythmically, he taps the pen on his chin, lips pouted like a baby duck. “If Miracle was aware about this, maybe he’s someone in your major. Anyone from your lectures that you can think of?”

Rather than answering a simple no, you think very hard this time. Jihoon does a really good job in trying to narrow the perspective for you, so its your role to meet in the middle. This secret admirer business was harder than you thought.

You think through everyone in your class, filtering them one by one until it comes into your head, radiant as ever.

“There’s Junhui. We chat when we’re in the lecture hall and sit next to each other sometimes, I probably told him about my worries. We don’t talk outside much... Unless!” You exclaim, “Unless I meet him whilst he’s on shift here, then he doesn’t shy away from me.”

Right after saying that, Junhui enters the shop, greeting the cashier at the counter, his goofy smile plastered as he disappears into the staff room with a laugh.

“Okay. Junhui...” Jihoon says, stretching Junhui’s name as he scribbles, classmate and works at Seventeen jotted underneath.

Another person comes to mind, your hand tapping repetitively on Jihoon’s arm as you tried to recall. “Oh, oh!”

“Ow, ow — what?!” Mimics Jihoon.

“There’s Soonyoung!”

“Kwon? Dance leader Kwon?”

“I heard some rumours that he liked me when I helped out with the department spring showcase—“

“You won’t like him.” Deadpans Jihoon, the interruption slightly out of place.

“What?”

Jihoon shrugs. “I don’t like him,”

The statement further confuses you, given that the dance and music departments fit hand in hand, not to mention the student’s between both departments were the most stable (in this case, the drama majors were scarily the lone wolf of the three).

And other than you, Jihoon — being the music department’s campus prodigy and following the cliché — stuck like superglue to dancer Kwon Soonyoung.

“Aren’t you friends?” Your face paints a fusion of disgust and confusion.

“We’re friends,” he confirms, nodding firmly, “he just doesn’t seem like your type. He’s... Gullible sometimes. His energy will refresh you, but it’ll eventually drain.”

“You never know.” Replies you, only focusing at the statement about being your type.

Jihoon continues to write down Soonyoung’s name even after voicing his opinion, small devil horns and a pointy tail doodled at the around his name.

“Better than nothing. Anyone else on your mind?”

“Jeon Wonwoo?” You raise your tone at the end. “I don’t think he’s that interested in me though,” you lips pull into a frown at the thought of the university’s famous librarian slash well-rounded student. He was also your tutor, but he tutored many people, so it wasn’t something out of a k-drama.

Jihoon’s hand moved right away as he notices your look. Unlike the past two, Wonwoo’s name only had a question mark underneath. “We’ll add him. There — three potential Miracles — who shall we investigate first?”

“I’ll hang around them and report back to you—“

Unexpectedly, your phone rings. The caller ID makes it clear to you that you had to take the call. You excuse yourself from Jihoon, taking one more bite of the cake before you head outside, getting lost in your conversation.

When the lengthy chat ended, you walk back inside to find your friend gone. Before you broke into a cold sweat, a light ding comes out of your phone, the screen reading a short text from Jihoon.

A classmate ran into me and they asked me to do a favour, sorry I left all of a sudden. Text me when you get to your dorm. Get there safely.

The gesture touches you, lips concealing a smile. The text also signalled to you that you should get going too, the sky outside slowly blooming into darkness.

Yet as the chair is pulled back for you to access your bag, an envelope appears.

Heart racing, your fingers scoop the item in one motion, rushing to take out the contents inside.

Two letters in one day... It doesn’t suit my style haha. I hope you’re secretly happy about it though.

I saw you in Seventeen earlier, and correct me if I’m wrong, but did I hear you talk about me? The wonderful, most-handsome Miracle?

First of all, I’m flattered, who wouldn’t talk about me? And second, I heard a little more that I should’ve. You want me to reveal myself?

If you think I’m going to give myself away, I’m not. Just because I like you doesn’t mean I’m going to tell you~

It’s your turn to do the chasing now, I can’t wait to watch. This is going to be so fun — I’ll be super hurt if you mistake me as someone else...

Joking! All I’ll say is I’m supporting you from here, I’ll be watching closely! Please don’t be disappointed when you find out who I am. Hehe.

(Before I go! I recommend Seventeen’s Poet Latte, it’s a million times better than the Hope Macchiato. Ask for hazelnut syrup too, that thing is like sweet magic)

Miracle.

Now determined, your eyes scan over the lines again and again, each word being critical yet painfully ambiguous.

That’s when it crosses your mind. His words craft you into the right direction, even though Miracle has the power to do the complete opposite depending on how he wants to play his cards.

For now, you’ll take his words as gospel, aware that he was present at the time you were in Seventeen. All the signs pointed to Junhui, majorly assuming that he was the only one that who entered the cafe, and that Miracle recommended the Poet Latte.

It settled your first target quite quickly: Wen Junhui.

Stashing the letter in your bag, you head outside, eyes following Junhui practicing latte art until you can’t see him anymore, thoughts already planning on certain strategies.

If Miracle wants this to be entertaining, you’ll make it entertaining.

It’s been a week.

And nothing has happened.

“It’s been a week.” Jihoon voices, “And you‘ve gained zero progress.”

Panic stricken, you blurt, “I’m still working on it...”

“We’re gonna get nowhere if you carry on stalling.”

“I know, but I don’t know when to do it—“ Which was partially true. You were just too shy around Junhui.

“Just do it today!”

“Ugh, okay!” As equally as loud, you shout like Jihoon. Geez. Why did he get so hot-headed? “I’ll head to my lecture and see if he’s there.”

A smile shows on Jihoon’s lips. “Great. You can do it, good luck!” He balls his fists in attempt to encourage you, passing the motivation on.

When you arrive you instantly want to go back to Jihoon. By the notice board — other than confused, tired students — stood Junhui, his face standing out almost the others as he points his fingers to one direction while talking to other students of your major.

The students walk in the direction Junhui pointed to instead of the hall, prompting a perfect chance to talk to him.

“Jun?” You add the slight confusion to neutralise things, heart racing. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, hi Y/N,” Junhui naturally grins when he sees you, finger pointing to the board. “The lecture hall is being used, so our professor changed it to the other side of campus.”

“What?!” You groan, the act washed away once hearing about the announcement. “Ah — I’m so exhausted already, we don’t get paid enough to do this.”

“We don’t get paid at all,” muses Junhui. “Should we walk together? Saves you being bored and me being lonely.”

Right, Junhui’s a potential Miracle, act along, you tell yourself.

“Sounds great.” Gladly accepting, you and the male walk together, chatting amongst one another.

Nothing special happens from there. You chat with Junhui — who has a strange calmness when it comes to talking to him — until you get to your class, sitting next to him. The both of you intently listen to your lecturer, taking notes and sharing them, but halfway through the two hour session Junhui opens a new tab on his laptop to play chess, obviously being bad at the game.

You join in, too, helping the clueless man on how to win. It leads to you and him doodling on a sheet of paper he tore out, zoning out of the lecture from what was time to time to completely not listening.

The lecture comes to a close, making you and Junhui realise how much trouble you’re in as your essay was due for the weekend after.

“Come to Seventeen tomorrow,” tells Junhui, “I’ll ask a friend to recap the lecture today and we can go through it together while I work. Does that sound okay?”

Perfect — this was perfect!

A little too enthusiastic, you blurt, “Yeah!” Before coughing loudly, realising the awkwardness. “I mean, yeah. Sorry for distracting you today Junhui,”

“It’s okay. I like studying with you, it’s fun.”

His words, along with the soft smile he has, makes you want to swoon with glee inside. It was hard to tell if he was a smooth flirt or if he was usually like this.

Either way, you said your goodbyes and hoped for the next day to come as soon as possible.

“Y/N, welcome!” Is what Junhui greets to you as you walk into the cafe, the morning atmosphere ruined as Junhui shouts, waking up half the people in there. He didn’t seem to mind though, so you made your way to him.

“It’s ten in the morning Junhui,”

“It wakes people up. They’ll thank me for it when they don’t sleep in their classes later on.”

He tells you to seat yourself while he finishes the next few orders. Once you do, you stare out of the window whilst waiting for your laptop to load, the day transitioning from gloom to a morning sunshine, more people coming onto the campus site.

You even see Jihoon walking with Soonyoung (even though it was hard to identify him under the hat, but judging by Jihoon’s mannerisms it definitely pointed to Soonyoung).

Chair sliding, the male taking a seat as he hands you a warm, rose mug. “A Poet Latte ordered by the lovely Y/N.”

“Thank you,” you warmly answer, grinning at the latte art of a panda with hearts swirled around. “This is amazing Junhui.”

“Doing it is harder than it looks,” confesses Junhui, “and in the end people will just consume it. Imagine that, eating all of my hard work... Literally.”

“Aren’t you going to drink something?”

Junhui shakes his head. “I don’t like coffee.”

Oh?

“Oh? That’s a shame.” You counter, trying to stay composed. “It isn’t for everyone — um — random question but, if you had to recommend a drink from here, what would it be? I’m up for taking some new drinks.”

The excuse made things sound more natural and by the look on Junhui’s face, the verdicts in your head point to not Miracle right now.

He taps a finger on his chin, “Out of all the orders... The Truth Iced Mocha, mainly because I don’t like warm drinks either.”

Uncertainty shows on your face, not knowing whether Junhui was telling a lie or not. There was a high chance he wasn’t, but he could most likely be lying. If he was, he was a great liar.

Studying your face, Junhui speaks. “I’m a bit picky,” he admits, laughing, “my friends hate me for it, but I’m a simple man with simple needs.”

His statement causes you to laugh, the tension in the room quickly gone. Junhui sure knows how to tone things down.

So Junhui doesn’t like coffee. Huh.

You come by Seventeen for the next two days, chatting with Junhui more often as he works. However, you walk into the male while he’s off-shift, a bouquet of pink daisies and a cinnamon-coloured teddy bear sat on the table.

Staring intensely at it, Junhui doesn’t even notice you sit across him.

“Is something on your mind?”

Breaking out of the odd staring contest, Junhui sits up, shrugging. “Which present would you like more?”

He turns the teddy’s head and the flowers to face you. The question shifts the atmosphere slightly, your mind nervous of what to answer.

“Can I have the context?” Instead, you ask that question, hoping the answer would give more indication where this was going.

“I wanna give something to my friend for support,”

Junhui doesn’t hesitate in his answer, but there’s no denying over the pinkness in his cheeks. Although he was still being vague, you point at the flowers.

“Flowers are the best go-to. Maybe the teddy can be for another time?” Nodding, Junhui relaxes in his chair, patting the bear’s head as he exhales a sigh. “Isn’t this something you’d give to a girlfriend or boyfriend?”

The question catches the other off guard, his ears burning with red as he slowly sinks his head into his arms, his face hidden.

“You caught me.” Muffled, Junhui admits.

Caught what? We’re definitely getting somewhere now, you think.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m still showing support to my friend — she’s having her first art exhibit today and she’s been working on it a lot — I just... Wanna be subtle but I need to man up,”

One hundred percent what you didn’t expect. Kinda, since you had suspicions here and there.

“Man up? You’re, like, the most easiest person to talk to! I’m sure if you acted like yourself then you’d be able to confess easily to her.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. What’s there to worry about? People fall for you like a snap,” you snap your fingers simultaneously, a laugh from Junhui followed.

“Thanks for the heart to heart Y/N. I really needed it. The exhibit opens in an hour, I should get going.”

“You can do it Junhui!” Cheers you, Junhui getting up from his chair. Out of the blue, your mind mentally clicks. “Junhui—“

Junhui hums. You hold the bear out for him.

“Bring it with you, it’ll create a bigger memory for the both of you.”

Smiling, Junhui takes the bear from your hands. “Thanks for everything... Again.” He carries the bouquet and bear in one arm, his free hand reaching to pick out a daisy. “Take it as my thank you,”

“How corny,” you say, happily taking the pretty flower, “you’ll do great!”

“I’ll see you later! I’ll tell you how it goes.”

Like that, Junhui exits out of the cafe, jogging to the entrance of the campus. You sit back once he disappears.

So Junhui has a crush on someone else.

Your hands search to find your phone, scrolling through your contacts before you lift it to your ear, waiting for the other line to pick up.

“Hoon? Let’s meet.”

“Rather than liking you, he likes a student from the art department?” Jihoon asks, strolling around the town with you half an hour after you called.

You nod, confirming it. “It was hard to tell though, every second felt like he was flirting with me. Guess he was just really good at smooth talk.”

“Not surprised about that.” Jihoon pulls a face, but his arm moves to pat your hair as you twirl the pink daisy. “Don’t act so blue, you still have two more guys!”

“But Hoon—”

“No buts, it’ll work out. I promise you. If it doesn’t, I’ll look for Miracle myself and teach him a lesson.”

You snort, “Jihoon—“

“Oh yeah, you still wanna be friends with him. Got it.” Jihoon grins when he sees your smile, pinching your cheek all of a sudden. “Now c’mon, I know what’ll cheer you up,”

“Do you?”

“Unless you don’t want food, we can just go back to campus—“

“No, wait!” You panic. Great, you’ve fallen for Jihoon’s offer. “Fine, I’m starving anyway!”

With a big grin, Jihoon takes you by the hand and walks to your favourite restaurant.

Days pass and the memories with Junhui go along with it. It was a weekend and Jihoon wanted to meet in the recording booth to talk, additionally asking if you could bring some coffee.

He stops replying after you send multiple texts — capitalised and angry emoticons — giving you no choice but to get him something.

Heading into Seventeen, your appearance catches one of the workers immediately.

That worker, being Junhui.

“What a coincidence!” He exclaims once he heads out of the break room for the second time, a flimsy item in his hand.

“Coincidence?” You repeat in return.

“I found this in the lecture hall yesterday, I thought you left it,”

“But I didn’t go to the lecture yesterday—“

All of your words dissolve as soon as your eyes hit the pastel blue envelope, slowly taking it out of Junhui’s hand, your expression indescribable.

“How did you get this?” It wasn’t the words you wanted to say, but they were clearly in your mind.

“I saw it sitting on one of the rows before I left. I would’ve given it to you straight away, but I didn’t see you on campus… And I don’t know where your dorm is so…”

You analyse Junhui’s face for a moment. Gaining all the evidence you’ve gotten, it was confirmed that Junhui wasn’t Miracle. He was telling the truth about everything.

“That’s okay! Thanks for looking after it for me!” In gratitude, you let your lips spread wide — mainly towards the fact that Miracle is writing after a week (seriously, what took him so long?), but also because of Junhui’s massive help.

Forgetting about the coffee, you exit the cafe, finding a safe spot to read the letter alone. Your fingers were trembling in anticipation as you lifted the flap.

I’m guessing you’ve been waiting for me… If not, I feel really embarrassed because I had to hold myself back from writing to you.

(God, that was so cheesy)

You figured out that I’m not Junhui. Congrats!

When I first saw him walk with you, I thought — ‘Ah, you are taking it seriously!’ — and I’ve been watching here and there, but not all the time because that would be creepy. I also had classes so there were a few clashes.

After a while I began wondering why you thought of Junhui as me. It shouldn’t be a thought I should ponder on too much, but I find myself going there sometimes.

Junhui is really admirable. He has that ability to make anyone feel at ease with him, and overall he’s very bold with his actions — so bold that I even thought he was going to make an actual move on you (totally wasn’t gonna be heartbroken…) — I get why people like to be around him so much.

He’s someone that you easily get envious over. The personality, the social skill, the confidence. He makes it look so easy. Talking to so many people, adjusting to them…

I wish I was like that; I wish I had that confidence. Maybe, if I had that same level of confidence like Junhui, then maybe I’d boldly confess my feelings without the doubts or worries orbiting my mind.

At first I was going to scribble that part out and start from scratch again, but I thought I’d share my thoughts with you. This isn’t Junhui’s level of confidence, but I think starting like this will help me build on it. My heart can feel heavy on some days and I feel like you’re the only person I can go to.

Even if you don’t write to me back, I hope you’ll always stand there on the other side.

Miracle.

“Come with me.” Out of nowhere Jihoon gets his things and starts walking away.

Fazed, you hastily gather your things and begin trailing behind him. He’s always like this — announcing he’s going somewhere at the same time he leaves — and you get the other end of the stick by rushing after the male.

“You’re seriously so annoying,” you grumble without context, “at least tell me what we’re — what you’re — doing...”

“I forgot something... And I’m doing you a favour.”

The last part wasn’t picked up by you, but Jihoon’s footsteps accelerated as he rushes into one of the department buildings.

The building appeared unfamiliar to you, it clearly wasn’t the music department, so you wondered why Jihoon knew which corridor to turn and what level he was looking for.

He doesn’t bother knocking before heading into one of the dance studios, dancers unfazed by his appearance. Worried, you harshly break out a whispered Jihoon before he stops walking and you walk into his back.

“Ow, jerk!” Complains you.

An unknown voice replies, but it isn’t directed to you. “Jihoon?” The male voice gasps. “You okay?”

Suddenly, the owner of the voice gets up from the floor, a black cap covering the front of his face, dressed in loose clothes.

Soonyoung?

“My journal’s here right? I think I left it somewhere…”

“Journal?” Soonyoung juts a lip, completely focused on Jihoon, he hasn’t even said hi to you yet. Unless he doesn’t like you. You hoped it wasn’t the latter. Like a hit to the head, Soonyoung’s eyes nearly sparkle, “Ah, let me get it!”

Soonyoung turns around and crouches down, giving you perfect time to ask what the heck Jihoon was doing.

“A favour,” is all Jihoon says, Soonyoung cheerily handing the ripped-paged book and Jihoon snatching it off him. He glares. “You didn’t look inside, did you?”

Fingers moving the cross his heart, Soonyoung simultaneously shakes his head. “Not a peep—“ his eyes acknowledge you and he immediately chokes on air, releasing an ugly cough. “Y/N! Have you been here all this time?”

Jihoon holds back an amused chuckle. Ignoring your friend, you put on your best smile and shyly nod.

“Sorry I didn’t see you there!” He’s yelling now, and it’s getting the whole room’s attention. “How… How are you?”

“I’ve been good, and you?”

“Me? I’m good too! I’m glad to hear that—“

Jihoon’s voice overlaps out Soonyoung’s, “Picking up my book just turned into a damn reunion,” a puppy-like sulk comes out of Soonyoung, but Jihoon continues to speak, “also, I’ll give you your USB back tomorrow, I’ve done all the improvements you asked.”

Soonyoung brings the other into a sweaty hug, sighing loudly. “Wow, my hero—“

Pushing Soonyoung off, Jihoon clears his throat. “But I’m leaving town for this music course tomorrow, so I’ll lend the USB to Y/N and you’ll get your USB back, then we’re all happy.”

“I’m not—“ you harshly whisper next to the male, pulling him closer by the arm, surprised at Jihoon’s proposal, “what are you doing?!”

“A latte would be okay, but you can surprise me. I’d also like extra whipped cream,” Jihoon whispers back at the same volume. He looks back at Soonyoung. “Is that alright with you?”

The apples of Soonyoung’s cheeks paint red, lips scrunched as he forces a nod. “Sure — sure! Tomorrow, yeah?”

“Mhmm. We better get going now.” Turning to you, Jihoon tilts his head to the exit, promptly looking at Soonyoung. “See you man,”

“Bye Soonyoung!” You greet energetically, causing Soonyoung to snap out of his gaze, waving his hand as you two walk out. It seemed like he wanted to say something, but, it never got off of his tongue in the end.

Once you were away from the building, you stop Jihoon by grabbing his arm, a deathly expression upon you. “What was that all about?”

Although you were mad, Jihoon’s face didn’t flinch one bit at it. He digs through his pocket, pulling out a silicone tiger figurine smaller than his palm. Removing the tiger’s head, the USB is revealed.

Without a word, Jihoon hands it to you. “I finished the thing he asked ages ago.”

“Then why didn’t you give it to him earlier—“

“Because now you have an excuse to hang around him. Use it wisely.”

“Oh. Smart.”

Turns out, Jihoon actually did have to go to that course for the day, so you wished him a text of motivation before mentally preparing yourself to meet Soonyoung.

You hastily make your way to the dance department (that’s what Jihoon said Soonyoung would normally be), but because you were so overwhelmed over what you were going to say to Soonyoung, you forgot the directions Jihoon went to the dance studio.

Dumbass, you curse inside. Now you had to ask people if one, they were a dance major (which was such a stupid question, but you couldn’t help asking) and two, if they knew Soonyoung.

Onto asking the third student, you see a figure stepping out of a room, a bag lazily hung around his arm.

“Oh — never mind — thank you anyway,”

You semi-run towards this figure, watching the surprise spread through his face as you welcome him with a grin.

“Y/N?” Soonyoung stammers, shaking in his place a little. He had a black shirt hugged his torso and jeans to complement the look — it definitely gave a different tone to the exhausted, sweaty boy you met yesterday.

“Hey.” You dangle the small tiger in between his eyes. “Special delivery for Kwon Soonyoung?”

Sparkles appear inside Soonyoung’s eyes, gladly taking the item from you. “Thank you Y/N! Tell Jihoon I said thank you — actually, I’ll tell him that later—“

“It’s no problem,” you can’t help but giggle at his gratitude over the tiger USB, it make you curious on why it was so important, but right now that wasn’t your priority.

Operation Soonyoung is a go.

“Are you doing anything right now?”

“Um… Not really, why?”

“I’m craving some food, I was wondering if you’d like to eat with me… Since you just finished practicing I’m guessing—”

For the second time Soonyoung chokes on the air, hitting his chest as he lets out harsh coughs. When he’s somewhat calmed down, he looks straight at you — a slight pinkness in his cheeks — bluntly answering, “I don’t mind going!”

The answer was leaning towards an exclamation, but a yes was a yes, and the two of you agreed to get street food and eat in the park.

Watching Soonyoung munch on a burger with great interest, you feel like he’s still acting awkward with you. You had no reason why, but the showcase pops into your head. Maybe the rumours were true, but you can’t jump so easily; this Miracle business had to be very subtle.

So much for loud, muses you, Jihoon must be out of his mind, he’s so quiet with me…

To lighten up the mood, you show your interest to the USB stick once more. “So, the stick. What’s it for? If it’s okay asking,”

Soonyoung wipes the corners of his lips cutely, pointing to a bench and asking a can we sit here with half stuffed cheeks. Sat down, he brings out the USB, watching it dangle on his finger.

“They’re music samples for dances I put together. I don’t just work for myself but for my juniors too — they rely on me when they need music for their piece. I can do the basics, but when I or my classmates need something extra to make the piece stand out more, I go to Jihoon to help me. Without him, I wouldn’t have so many students joining the dance club at all.”

“Can I listen to some?”

“Huh?” Soonyoung’s eyes expand, lips parted the slightest. “Oh — oh! Okay. Just give me a sec…”

“Soon, you don’t need to if it’s a hassle—“

“Ah! I owe you one, so, this is nothing to what you’ve done!”

“All I did was give your things back…”

Soonyoung pulls out his laptop, connecting the USB to the device, his fingers tapping against the touchpad whilst waiting. The files appear, some names sensibly and with their correct name (those were probably for his juniors), while some files were called ten-ten, hoshi, rawr, for the ultimate gemini ONLY, NOT THIS ONE.

Those were definitely Soonyoung’s.

“The ones Jihoon has fixed are the unnamed ones. He’s never creative with names,”

“Of course.” You and Soonyoung laugh over the thought, the latter pressing his finger on the play button as the music begins and the volume rises. Listening for a while, you say, “This is super good, I can’t believe Jihoon can produce something like this.”

“Well he isn’t called the music prodigy for nothing. Now check this out.”

He sets his laptop aside, the music continuing to play, and he stands in front of you, breaking into a small dance like it was second nature to him. Such fluidity, well-crafted even though Soonyoung kept a smile the whole way through, rushes of excitement inside him.

You cheer him on, laughing at the sight. He laughs with you too, brightly.

The barrier of shyness between Soonyoung and you begins to break as you meet frequently, Jihoon mainly being the reason why you three met.

More of Jihoon’s colours shone, like the grumpy, cold-shouldered character when he was Soonyoung, but he would still laugh the hardest if Soonyoung told a stupid story that happened over the weekend, or small snippets into his life.

The thought about Miracle becomes less important to you as you slowly value Soonyoung as a true friend. Don’t get yourself wrong — Miracle was still heavily important — but Operation Soonyoung was diverting down another path.

But the one time you spend the day with him without Jihoon (who knows what he was doing, he just left without any word), you accidentally slip into the topic of the rumour again.

Actually, you had no idea why you transitioned into it, Soonyoung was showing you a video of himself doing dumb things during dance practice last night, and after a long laugh with him, it came out.

“To be honest, when I first met you, people kept telling me you had a crush on me,” is what you say along with your laughter, taking a bite out of your cake.

“… Is that so?”

No laugh, no burst of giggling — and when you face Soonyoung, his face is stoic. Despite that observation, his cheeks were dusted in a faint red.

You nod. “Yeah, I didn’t believe them.”

“Oh.”

“Wait — so you’re saying — you liked me?”

Soonyoung grunts in surprise, eyes widened. He shakes his head but as he directs his vision onto the floor, he sighs and hesitantly nods.

Operation Soonyoung was suddenly back on the radar. That means the chances of being Miracle were high.

“Soonyoung—“

“Listen to what I say first! And then if you’re uncomfortable, I’ll understand…” He, again, says with hesitation, eyes concentrated on the table or your hands. “Yeah, I did like you a few years ago, during the spring showcase… But we didn’t talk to each other, so what chances did I have?”

He inhales a sharp sigh, clenching his eyes shut and nose forming crinkles, sucking in a small this is going to be so embarrassing.

Fortunately, you pick those words up. “Embarrassing? What’s embarrassing.”

“There’s another reason.”

Is he going to confess he’s Miracle?

“I…”

Oh my god, he is—

“I thought you and Jihoon were dating.”

What?

“What?” You mumble softly.

“God, that’s the dumbest reason out of the book, and I fell for it.” Soonyoung covers his face with his hands, shielding himself from the weirded out looks he thinks you have on your face. “And Jihoon didn’t wanna say anything about it either, so I sucked it up and tried to get over it. Then, he tells me you were just good friends a year after.”

“Soonyoung… I’m so sorry, I didn’t know—“

“Nothing you can do,” shrugs he, “truthfully, I didn’t get over you until the winter break the year after. But I got over it in the end.”

“Still, you went though all of the emotional gain because of me,”

“It’s not like I regret it.” He smiles a bit, trying to reassure you. The smile fades as he faces the reality after explaining his side. “I bet you’re like Soonyoung, you creep, now that you’ve heard me say all of this, so feel free to laugh at me all you want… Not too much though, I have a weak heart.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not thinking that at all.”

“Yeah, I— what?”

Confused at your words, you continue to smile to let him know you’re being genuine. “We’ve become really close in a little more than a week, and you’re an amazing friend on top of that. It makes me regret not being friends with you sooner.”

“Man, if the Soonyoung years ago was hearing this, he would either feel so touched or badly friend-zoned just now.”

Alarmed, you react as if Soonyoung was still attached onto his feelings, ready to apologise.

“It’s okay, I’m not affected,” he beats you to it, which was the most reassuring thing of them all.

“Friends?”

“Friends.” Soonyoung links a pinkie with you, hoping the promise would last a lifetime. He was a precious friend after all.

After the chat, you highlight one topic Soonyoung mentioned. “You thought Jihoon had a thing with me? Why?”

“Probably because I saw you two together a lot. Before he became friends with me and the rest of the department, you were all he’d go to. He cares about you a lot, if you didn’t know.”

“Hoon? Caring about me?”

“You sound surprised — it’s pretty obvious. Didn’t he make you a cake for your birthday last year?”

“Yeah… What does that have to do with anything?”

“We both know he’s a terrible cook — I mean, he microwaved ice cream one time because it was too hard to scoop out — but he wanted to make you something like that for your birthday.”

“The cake was nice though…”

“It took him a month to get the recipe right. He didn’t want my help, he even used the culinary department’s kitchen just for that and didn’t want their help either. And you know why he did that?”

“Becuase it was my birthday?”

“Wrong!” Soonyoung lightly taps your head as an incorrect gesture. “It was because you were going through a hard time during that time. He just wanted you to cast your worries aside and see you celebrate because you deserved it. He told me everything about it.”

Your heart skips slightly, thinking over the fact Jihoon did something like that to make you happy. It was a strange feeling to experience.

“He’s going to hate me for saying all of this to you, but he looks out for you a lot. He notices things, he’s smart.”

Agreeing, you hum, deeply thinking over his words.

Later that day, a stray envelope is sticking out from the front pocket of your bag as you left it unattended. The sweet, lilac hue instantly telling you who the sender is.

You do not hesitate to open it.

Turns out, I’m not Kwon Soonyoung either. Are you disappointed? I can sense your frown right now... Don’t frown dear, I’m sorry for letting you down...

But the game still goes on, and although I don’t know who’s left on your mind, I might reveal myself. Not for now, but I feel a little daring, kinda unusual for me, isn’t it?

Now.

Kwon Soonyoung.

Believe it or not, I’m truly the opposite to him. I’m sometimes glad that I’m not like him, but over time I sometimes dislike it. The things he can do, I don’t think I’m fit to do them. Like Junhui, he’s confident, and he always has his mind set on something. Me? My mind changes so much. I’m a big coward ha...

Soonyoung’s loud too. I could say it’s what I don’t like about him the most, though I’d be completely wrong. It’s simple enough. He stands out. I blend in. A harsh truth I have to come to terms in, but I’m guessing that’s why you chose Soonyoung too, because he stands out. He shines.

Yet among that, you shine the brightest. I know it’s hard finding me, but I know you’ll be able to find my identity and when you do, I’ll be ready to confess my feelings to you to the world. No backing out, no shying away.

I’ll find a way to make something happen, as if my life depends on it.

Miracle.

The letter felt... Sadder in terms of Miracle’s usual way of writing — light and thoughtful — as words become raw. Once you find him, you’ll definitely tell him how much he means to you, even if it was a silly love letter at the end of the day.

He sure doesn’t know Soonyoung either. The dancer, surprisingly, is insanely shy underneath the loudness he has. It makes you think whether Miracle doesn’t think highly of himself.

When you walk out to the campus, you spot Jihoon exiting a nearby building, busy looking at texts.

Soonyoung’s words form in your head again, realising the care Jihoon had for you. And without a thought, you run to the male and surprise him with a sudden hug.

Jihoon grunts quietly, but it only makes you hold onto him more.

“Huh, Y/N? Is everything okay?” You nod into his chest. “Are... Are you sure? We can talk about it—”

“Just shut up and hug me,”

With no more complaints, Jihoon gladly keeps you in his arms.

Six.

You’ve been say in the library for six hours, your paper due at midnight. Although you had eight hours left, you still didn’t fee like it was in top shape. Words felt messy; sentences didn’t flow the way you wanted to; it was just so confusing.

Your head meets the desk the nth time today, remaining at that mental block ever since you had your lunch that consisted of peach juice and a half-assed sandwich that you didn’t even finish. Sure, you came at the library at six, but you were also up until two in the morning to do the minimum of what you were aiming to do.

That didn’t happen, hence, you’re still stuck in this damn library.

The only thing in your mind right now is sleep. If no one noticed, you could get away with sleeping in the library, but not sleeping in the library is better than getting kicked out for a month because of sleeping in the library.

A headache kicks in in the midst of working, deforming your face as you wince in pain, hoping to go home soon. It’s unlikely you will, but you wanted to sleep.

At some point, all you do is stare at the screen. Stare at every blank word on the screen, done rushed or half-tiredly.

“Everything alright?”

Registering the voice, you rapidly blink and sit up, trying to be as awake as you can. Your eyes move to the person, vision slightly altered due to the fuzziness in your eyes, but you could make out the silver framed glasses and hair the fell gently on top.

“Wonwoo?” He responds to his name through the tone of his hum. “Oh, uh, yeah... Not really,”

The librarian takes a seat next to you, a strong, fresh scent radiating from him. It was almost like a magical spell, luring you to sleep. Wonwoo scans the laptop, frowning after knowing what you were doing.

“Due in tonight?” Crap, he caught you out. You nod in shame.

“I was trying to get it done last night but my body gave in... And I haven’t left this library since—“

“Since ten.” Wonwoo noticed too? “My partial job is to sit here all day, but you’ll get muscle cramps the more you stay in one position, you should’ve taken a little break... But that’s a little late to tell you that.”

“I know...” You see the textbooks in his hand. “Oh, you’re probably busy putting back books, I shouldn’t disturb you—”

“These are just to text mark for my next class. You’re fine.” Wonwoo proceeds to stay seated, in fact, he readjusts his seat to sit more comfortably, picking up a book and setting the rest aside. “You must be tired. Take a rest, I’ll cover for you.”

“Wonwoo—“

“Just face me while you sleep, alright?”

You give into his words, smoothly resting your head on your arms as you close your eyes, falling asleep within seconds.

It was a nice nap which you awoke after an hour. An hour wasn’t what you intended, but damn, you really needed that.

Blinking, your vision comes into focus with a book marked with colourful sticky notes. If the book is still there, that means...

“Good afternoon, did you rest well?”

Your eyes direct themselves to Wonwoo, smiling down at you as he breaks away from what he was doing. After a short hum from you, Wonwoo goes back to finishing something he wrote.

The action initiates you to sit up, the reality of your paper flooding your head once more. Though, when you look at Wonwoo’s notes — neatly sorted in colourful rows — you sit and stare at the notes, mind pondering.

His handwriting is pretty.

“Oh.” Quiet, Wonwoo lets out. He begins flipping pages in his book, all decorated with some form of colourful note until he stops at a particular page and brings out a long note with minimal bullet points in.

He gently peels it off the page and locates it on top of your book.

“While you were sleeping I skimmed through your paper and highlighted a few things you could work on...”

Wait, what?

Wonwoo continues, “I don’t mean to sound critical or anything! It’s just — you looked like you were having a hard time — I don’t know much about your topic but I wrote what I thought sounded relevant.”

You read through the list, the points showcasing good arguments and research topics to mention. “These are great points, I couldn’t think of these...” You pout, “You’re so book-smart Wonwoo, I’m so jealous.”

Wonwoo lets out a earthy laugh, his expression a playfully saddened. “Don’t say that, you’re intelligent too,”

“Everyone knows you though — Jeon Wonwoo, the campus’ treasure.”

“I wouldn’t call myself that...”

“Why not? It fits you.”

He looks directly at you, face tinted with some sadness. “I blend in.”

A flashback crosses your mind whilst saying the words and it doesn’t appear into your head until—

“Sorry, I’m distracting you now. You should get your work done, and I need finish this too.” He awkwardly apologises, turning back to his textbook.

Did Wonwoo just... No, don’t dive straight in yet, you warn beforehand, it was like a heated argument between your heart and mind.

As for now, you only hum and work on your laptop, more prepared thanks to Wonwoo’s involvement.

It turns to seven in the evening and you’re almost finished.

But you were starving.

Primarily, you were going to text Jihoon, asking if he could come over and bring food, but when you met him in the morning he seemed busy.

Embarrassingly, your tummy rumbles and it breaks Wonwoo’s concentration at that second, watching you clench your arms around your waist.

“I should’ve brought something else to eat...” You murmur, eyes squeezed shut. Although you thought Wonwoo didn’t hear that, it was slightly the opposite.

The male sets his pen down, patting his pockets before speaking. “I’m gonna go out for a bit. Look after my things?”

Reluctant, you answer him with bob of your head. Wonwoo exits swiftly.

Your phone chimes and you receive a from Jihoon alongside an attachment of his cap covering his full face.

His text reads I’m so tired followed by a crying emoticon.

The image is what cheers you up, catching up with Jihoon for a bit.

You talk about the majority of your day, but you somehow leave Wonwoo out of it all. You don’t even tell Jihoon your suspicions that Wonwoo may be Miracle.

The problem was that Wonwoo wasn’t an open book, so you had to play it safe.

Breaking away from the conversation, you excuse yourself by telling Jihoon you had to finish your stupid essay and Jihoon sends a bunch of hahaha and a gif of a kitten saying good luck!

Eventually Wonwoo comes back ten minutes later, a white plastic bag in hand as he sits back down, commenting something like it’s cold under his breath.

“Where’d you go?” You inquire.

“Convenience store, it was only around the corner outside campus.”

“I see...” Wonwoo brings out the items one by one, finally tying the bag and putting into his bag. Your finger points at a specific item. “Pepero? I didn’t know you liked those.”

Wonwoo sees the box of pepero, and his fingers slide it nearer to you. “I don’t eat them a lot, but I figured it would help you fill your stomach.”

“Seriously? Oh, sorry for making you go out your way to do that—“

“Rather than apologising all the time, can you just thank me for the food?”

Speechless, he knows that you know he’s right. “Thanks Wonwoo... A lot.”

“Anything for you.” Wonwoo flashes a smile, twisting the bottle cap of his drink before taking a long drink.

You pick up the pepero box, looking at its contents.

It hits you for a second time — the pepero was strawberry flavoured.

“Say, Wonwoo...”

“That’s me,”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because,” Wonwoo takes a while to gaze at you, your features softening at the sight when a gentle grin lifts Wonwoo’s cheeks, “because I care about you.”

It’s you, Jeon?

Days and nights pass and you find yourself spending more time with Wonwoo these days — staying at the library to chat, frequently passing advice to each other, each moment getting longer every time you stay with him.

Jihoon notices your change in behaviour, commenting on your recent rejection with wanting to meet up. You dismiss that idea quickly, saying that you just had to check for any suspicions. The ambiguity in itself confuses Jihoon — mainly due to the fact you hadn’t told him about Wonwoo — but he doesn’t ask any further, quietly going back to his laptop.

These chats with Wonwoo upgrade to meeting outside campus: trips to the cinema, visiting cafes or the newest KBBQ restaurant opening down the street, all memories posted on your social medias with some silly caption.

Waking up one morning, your roommate, in an obvious rush, briefly mentions about a letter addressed to you from the mailbox. Your ears throb at the information, dashing to the foot of your bed when your roommate leaves, a pretty pink letter distinct against the white covers.

Clumsy, you manage to open the letter.

I’ve come to a decision.

Meet me at the east garden. One o’clock?

I’ll be waiting~

(Gosh, I’m regretting what I’m gonna do now, apologies in advanced)

Miracle.

You practically let out a squeal, falling to the floor from the shock igniting through you. It wasn’t just that, but the fact the letter ended with a kiss in coloured chapstick — which was probably mentioning apologising at the end. Miracle certainly had a way of driving you crazy these days; now he’s finally revealing himself.

Right at that moment, you phone rings in the same chime again. It’s from Jihoon again, wanting to spend time with you. You feel bitter knowing Jihoon has been asking this question for a while, met with rejection every time, but you end up texting back a not today, something important came up, finished with, I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.

Checking the time, it already hit half eleven. “Perfect!” You cheer, getting up to dress yourself, full of bubbling excitement.

Because of your energetic nerves, you arrive at the garden ten minutes before the allocated time, the green hues standing out next to the bright sky, students enjoying their day either by laying on the grass studying or strolling with friends.

You analyse the place to see if anyone looked like they were waiting for you, but after two minutes, no one fitted the criteria. It turned twelve soon after and you decided to explore around to see if you can catch Miracle anywhere.

Turning to a small path leading to a less frequently visited area of the garden, you spot someone sat by the stone bench. Turns out, you recognise that person.

“Jihoon!” You exclaim, Jihoon flinching at the exclamation. He turns, his frame revealing a pen in between his fingers and a journal on his lap. WIthout any hesitation, he closes his journal.

Hand on his chest after a long sigh, his relaxed state smiles at you fondly. “Oh, it’s you,”

His tone is soft, standing up from the bench and heading your way, an embarrassed, shy curl on his lips — his dimples peeking through — shimmering eyes trained to the floor.

He stops in front of you, taking a gulp before nervously staring at you. He’s in the middle of opening his mouth, but you beat him to it.

You beat him to it, and it’s all the difference.

“Guess what, I think Wonwoo’s Miracle.”

In a blink of a eye, the shimmer in Jihoon’s eyes dull. Nonetheless, you don’t notice it, babbling on.

“It’s why I haven’t been hanging around you much,” you confess to him, frowning, “Wonwoo’s just — really hard to figure out — but after a while there are things that he and Miracle do. I’m pretty sure it’s Wonwoo, I don’t know who else it would be. I think I’m getting butterflies, I—“

“That’s… Nice,” Jihoon breaks out, not staring at you anymore. The journal held on his chest is now at his side, gripped with strength.

It took you a while, but you noticed Jihoon’s tone. “Jihoon…? Hoon, are you okay?”

“Yeah!” He replies with fake energy, but he isn’t looking up. He isn’t looking at you. “It’s great to hear that. I should go before he comes, right?”

“Wait,” you hold him by the arm, “you sound angry — are you angry at me? — did I do something wrong—“

“It’s nothing.”

“Why can’t you tell me? You know you can talk to me Hoon, I don’t like seeing you like this…” Hurt, you try to take a glimpse at Jihoon but he isn’t allowing it. “Is it because Miracle is Wonwoo? I thought you didn’t mind him. I thought you wanted to know too.

“I just said I don’t wanna—“

“No! There’s something wrong and you aren’t telling me about it!”

With enough strength to remove your arm, but not enough to hurt you, Jihoon gets out of your grip, staring at you again, though not with what you intended. He’s glaring at you, fusions of frustration and pain being hinted, but why?

“Everything’s fine. Just leave me alone.”

Before you stop him, he leaves much quicker than you expect, vanishing from the garden; besides, if you follow him, he’d only avoid you more. So all you could do was wait for Miracle to come, in hope that whoever he is will cheer you up.

Miracle never came, nor any love letter from that point.

It’s been a quiet month. Life became static, classes felt like a drag, and Jihoon certainly had no intention to contact you after everything.

You wake up at ten, knowing your roommate went out because of the bed across you done well. Although you were against it, you figured that you should do the same — at least it helps you start the day.

Feet settling on the rough floor, you blink at the stray piece of paper in front of your door. It looks like someone slid it in. Groggily, you walk towards it, complaining as you bend down to pick it up, sitting back down on your messy bed.

It was a simple, white letter. It’s sides were slightly blunt, the page looking like it was ripped out of somewhere.

“Letter?” You question, heart dropping to your stomach. You open the letter with anticipation.

Y/N.

I… I’m really sorry about that last letter. You must’ve waited a long time for me, but I never got to reach you because of my fear that you won’t look at me the same once revealing myself.

I’ve liked you for so long, I care about you so much it pains me to think you have to go through hard thoughts. I remember liking you because of your smile. It was pretty; it was contagious. Then, through watching from my safe distance, I fell for you more and more. Your kindness, your sweet nature and overall comfort seemed to make my fondness grow, it just couldn’t be helped. I was in a stage of hopelessness, but I had to make sure I wasn’t too weird or anything.

From your posts on social media… It came to my realisation you and Wonwoo became much closer.

Is it okay for me to say that I’m jealous?

‘Hurt’ is a better way to call it, but, Wonwoo’s something else. You and him connected without difficulty, and it didn’t take you long for the both of you to watch movies together or have lunch. During that time, you seemed to smile a lot more with him, I almost felt upset that it was all because of Wonwoo, meanwhile I couldn’t do any of that. I can’t make you smile like that. I’m guessing you thought I was Wonwoo — that Wonwoo was Miracle — but no, I’m not. Sorry to disappoint you…

Maybe I’m so jealous because… Because Wonwoo is everything I’m not.

My heart is being poured onto these pages and I’m sorry for my flow, but I just needed to let this out. You need to know before I finish this. I can’t even show my face, let alone confess to you… It’s pathetic. But if I can’t express my feelings the way I do internally, I’ll keep these emotions guarded if you truly like Wonwoo. In the end, I want you to be happy. I’ve never devoted myself to someone before, is that why my chest hurts so much?

So this is a letter — an ode — for you. To thank you for everything. It’s a lot to take in, and a lot for me to declare, but you’re my first love. And before you begin to think negatively through this letter, don’t. That’s the last thing I want you to do. I just think its time to come to terms with myself and my place in your eyes.

You’re still the most wonderful person I know and I want you to always remember that. Writing these cliche letters have grown as a part of my routine, each with memories that’ll remain in my mind for a lifetime and until the next. They’ll remain in my heart forever.

This letter will be last. I’m sad it had to end this way, but let’s think of it for the best. Let’s remember this beautifully rather than in pain.

I love you, Y/N.

Miracle.

You grip onto the paper, holding back the tear that want to seep through.

After a month of silence, you’re given this?

No, no, it can’t be like this. It didn’t feel right at all. It felt like all your fears creeping from behind, pushing you down into a hopeless hole that runs for an eternity.

Like an instant reaction, you do the first thing that comes into your mind: searching for your phone and tapping away on the screen, the cold screen pressed against your ear.

“Wonwoo? Can we talk?”

You and Wonwoo meet half an hour later in Seventeen, yourself ordering a sweet treat to unhealthily energise you. Wonwoo, on the other hand, ordered himself the Real Cocoa, a new order that was added just last week (which was basically their branded hot chocolate).

You do admit that you truly did think that Wonwoo was Miracle, but after the situation, it didn’t just confirm that Wonwoo wasn’t him, but that it was better off being friends with him. Towards him, your feelings never escalated because in the end, Wonwoo was just a really good friend.

“Care to tell me what’s up? You made me worried after that call…”

“Sorry… Just, let me explain all of this to you.”

“I’m all ears.”

And you tell him everything. You tell him about Miracle, the love letters, the strawberry milk, about your desire to find Miracle, Jihoon helping you along the way, even admitting that you thought Wonwoo was Miracle because his actions fit into the actions of Miracle, the so-called reveal, the month of silence after that, and finally the present day: the ode.

Wonwoo props up a paper crane made from his tissue next to him, humming as he takes in all of the information with a calmness to him.

“Do you have it on you?” Wonwoo asks, “The ode — that goodbye letter.”

You search through your bag for the item, handing it to Wonwoo, his fingers unfolding the paper’s contents and exposing their woods, letting his eyes scan paper systematically. His lips move along to the words, whispering a few phrases. In such a short time, you manage to remember most words of that letter.

The male gestures that he’s finished reading by placing the letter back on the table. First, he sighs, head jerking itself slightly. “Wow. I’m flattered that someone thinks of me as if I’m perfect—“

You whack him on the arm, a little angry he had to joke in such a scenario, but it lost some of the tension inside yourself.

“Kidding, but, I do feel slightly responsible. I never intended for my actions to affect him. So this was the last letter he sent? No hints to who he his, not even a name?”

Shaking your head, Wonwoo tuts at the response. “I can only tell you that his handwriting is pretty. It’s also why I thought you could’ve been Miracle too, but guess not, so…”

“True, it is nicely written. Lets just read through the letter again until we come up with something.”

So you look through the letter over and over until every word is memorised, nothing relevant coming into mind.

“Whatcha’ guys looking at?” The unintended scare makes Wonwoo and you jump, Junhui reacting along with the both of you despite being the one who scared you. He’s in his uniform, so he must be working right now.

“Love letter.” Wonwoo states, but you glare at him.

He isn’t wrong per se, but to say something like that out loud was awkward.

Correcting him, you add, “We’re finding out who wrote this letter.” To be honest, you didn’t want to add Junhui — the first suspect on the potential Miracles list — into this, but it was too late to tell him something else. Wonwoo ruined that chance anyway. “Wanna help? We kinda need all the help we can get.”

Junhui’s eyes widen. “Woah, you have an admirer Y/N?!”

Brokenly nodding, you also think it’s better to confess to Junhui as well. Keeping it in will only feel heavier on your load. “Actually, at first, I thought it was you…”

“It wasn’t just me?” Wonwoo asks, surprised.

“Mhmm. It’s just three of you, though.”

“And who’s the third?”

“Um… Soonyoung,”

Junhui points at the letter, “You really think Soonyoung has handwriting this nice? We should get you to an opticians after this—“

“Jun!” Wonwoo nudges him, Junhui laughing.

“Hey, I’m not wrong!”

Shrugging, Wonwoo bends his elbow over the chair, turning to Junhui. “Any ideas then? Anything is helpful.”

Junhui bends over, head moving left and right like a metronome as he reads through the letter, face concentrated like when he was picking between the teddy and flower. You should ask him how that story went.

In the end, Junhui shakes his head. You and Wonwoo grunt.

“Unless,” He comes closer to the paper again, “Miracle wrote this letter in here.”

“Here? How the heck can you confirm that?” You ask, taking glimpses of the paper.

“The coffee ring.”

Wonwoo argues, “But that could’ve been from any other coffee shop.”

Junhui moves back and presents the paper for the both of you to see. “If you feel it, it still feels damp and you can see some of the coffee imprinted to the other side where the note is folded. What time did you get this letter Y/N?”

“Almost an hour ago? It was slid through my dorm door.”

Triumphant, Junhui snaps his fingers. “Exactly! If this note was still fresh with these coffee stains, Seventeen is the only one that fits the criteria because your dorm wouldn’t be too far away from here.”

“Holy shit. He’s onto something.” Wonwoo gasps.

��Did you see who wrote this Jun?”

“Nope. I was restocking items then, sorry Y/N — but I probably guess it was the guy sitting near the entrance by the corner wearing a cap and mustard shirt. A gasp came from that corner and I got a glimpse of coffee being spilt there. I never got to see his face though.”

“Progress.” Inhaling a sharp sigh, Wonwoo relaxes in his chair, noticing your sullen star at the paper.

“We need a little bit more than that though… I swear, Miracle will forever be a mystery— AH!” You yell when you look at the window, Soonyoung’s face pressed against the glass, producing an ugly face. Gaining a reaction from you three, Soonyoung laughs evilly as he walks into the cafe, slinging an arm around Junhui.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere Wonwoo! I thought we were going to that new PC bang you’ve been talking about non-stop! I even ended dance practice early for it… Oh, hey Y/N!”

Wonwoo scrunches his face. “About that, well…”

“Anywho!” Soonyoung interrupts. “I saw you all crowded here, so, let me join in on the fun!”

Junhui picks up the light item for Soonyoung to see. “Can you guess who wrote this?”

Soonyoung takes it from Junhui’s hands, his reading combination of squinting his eyes and jutting out a lip. Furrowing his eyebrows, his head cocks back.

“Oh, it’s Jihoon’s hadnwriting.”

Jihoon?

“Him? Why bring him up all of a sudden—” You stammer, unable to keep the nervousness inside. “Besides, he doesn’t write like that.”

“He does! This is totally Jihoon’s! I see it inside the books he carries.”

“His handwriting his messy. Like really, really messy.”

“I know his handwriting when I see it,” you go mute over Soonyoung’s argument, Wonwoo noticing the argument progressing somewhere else.

Wonwoo takes it into his own hands. “Okay, we trust you Soon, but is there anything else you can connect to Jihoon other than that?”

Soonyoung shows the neatly torn side of the paper. “You can tell it’s been ripped from a book. He does this a lot when we’re together, but normally crumples them and throws it on the ground or something like that when it doesn’t ‘sound right’ to him…” Soonyoung faces you. “You also notice he rips a lot of paper out of his journals too, right?”

You nod, further improved by the addition of Junhui, stating, “Jihoon isn’t great with words either — he must’ve had to write what he would wanna say multiple times before writing the final thing—“

“Which explains why so many pages are ripped out from his book!” Soonyoung finishes for him, baffled.

Wonwoo leans into the table a bit more, propping himself with his arm. “Have you met him today? Jihoon?” Soonyoung nods. “What did he wear?”

“Let’s see. He wore a yellow shirt—“ Junhui’s eyes open in panic, Soonyoung rambling on, “I don’t understand how he wasn’t cold, it’s freezing.”

You look at Junhui and Wonwoo. “He didn’t say anything about a cap, anyone could’ve worn a yellow shirt…” Why were you arguing against this? Half of you didn’t want to believe it, the other half…

“Cap? I let Jihoon borrow mine because he left midway during dance practice. Guess he got bored. Was it white?”

For confirmation, Wonwoo looks at Junhui — Soonyoung mirroring Wonwoo to make it look like he knows what’s happening — who slowly nods in somewhat horror.

After the reaction passes on to the other two, they hurry to the note and reread it together, all the faint murmurs about Jihoon turning into exaggerated exclamations as they get to the end of the letter.

Drowning into deep thought, ignoring all of the others’ reactions, you piece together the truth. “No way — the garden — it was him. He was waiting for me. Jihoon is Miracle. Holy shit, what have I done?”

“Garden?” Junhui questions. Because of your late realisation to how oblivious you were, you thoroughly rub your eyes, letting this sink in. Wonwoo’s lips thin, hand tapping your arm to comfort you.

“At least we revealed Miracle’s identity,”

“It took you this long to figure out it was the person you’ve been around this whole time?”

“It didn’t seem like it was him Soonyoung! And I still dragged him into it… I flat out rejected him that day, he must hate me—“

“Hey, that isn’t true.” Reasons Wonwoo. “You two need to talk it out and apologise. Sure, you took a while to come to your senses, but he shouldn’t have led you on and decide to call it quits last second.”

Junhui puts a finger against the window. “Jihoon’s right over there — exiting campus.” All of you swivel your heads to watch the male walk out of the grounds, expressionless. “You should talk to him!”

“I can get him—“

“Wait, Soonyoung, stay. I think I have a plan. But all of you need to help me.”

It’s a nice day, Jihoon thinks, walking across the hallway, his eyes concentrated on the window and the students in groups enjoying their day. Other than that, he isn’t paying too much attention to anything, music coming through his headphones.

But his phone vibrates, causing him to tap the screen and see what the text is.

Is it okay if we talk?

Jihoon hitches a breath as he rereads the six words over and over, his heart slightly throbbing too fast, the rush of feelings flooding in. He doesn’t like this feeling — or the reason that they came back so quickly — it was like an uninvited guest.

As much as his feelings were at the tip of the iceberg, he didn’t want to give into you. He promised himself to let things go; to have time to himself before acting as if everything was fine.

So, he sets his phone away and continues walking, turning up the sound even though he’s fully aware it’s not going to distract him. He’ll reply to you in a few hours, maybe say his phone died on him, or something.

He glances at his hand, it’s shaking — what the heck?

There’s a prodding around his shoulder blade and a muffled noise behind him, but it takes him a while to finally reacts to the student who stops him in his tracks by standing in front of him. Hanging his headphones around his neck, Jihoon looks at the other with widened eyes, shifting them from time to time as he has never seen this person in his life.

“Jihoon, is it?” They say. Careful, Jihoon nods. “Someone wants to meet you at the lecture hall. He’s… This high?” The student raises their hand to estimate their height. “You won’t miss him.”

“Okay… Do you know what it’s for?” After saying that, he realises he should’ve asked who this person was, but Jihoon went against changing his question. The student shrugs and Jihoon can’t blame them — he doesn’t even know why someone would want to see him anyway, unless it’s Soonyoung asking to eat for the millionth time — “It’s alright. Thanks for tell me anyway. Um, have a nice day.”

Walking away, Jihoon’s mind lingers on what he could be asked, an odd feeling in his stomach the more he tries to push down his emotions.

Arriving to the lecture hall, he takes glimpses inside to see if there was one vacant or had someone that remotely looked like they were waiting for Jihoon.

Luckily, he finds one that fits the first criteria, and also revealed someone packing up their things near the front rows. Jihoon isn’t too sure if that’s who wants to see him, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask anyway.

He steps down the stairs until he’s level with the person, shocked to see it was Junhui. “Jun?”

Nonchalant, Junhui faces Jihoon and forms a kind face when he sees the male. “Jihoon? I haven’t seen you in a while, you doing fine?”

“Oh — I’ve been well,”

“Nice,” Junhui nods in appreciation, midway packing his things, “my lecture just ended. Did you want something?”

Junhui didn’t want to see me? Did he just forget? Jihoon puffs his cheeks. “Ah — no, it’s okay—“ he’s about to leave, but something inside him stops him from doing so. “By any chance, did you wanna talk to me?”

“Right!” Junhui gasps, digging back into his bag as he brings out an item. “Can you give this to Soonyoung? I forgot to this morning since I was in a hurry and my shift is soon.”

Doing such a simple favour can make Jihoon just say no, can you do it when you see Soonyoung again? to Junhui, but he doesn’t want to look rude so he complies to the request, being lent the white cap into his hands.

“I’ll see if he’s in the dance studio.”

“You’re a lifesaver Jihoon, I owe you one. You like food don’t you? Let’s eat next time. Okay?” A grin widens on Junhui’s face naturally and Jihoon, like he’s under a spell, nods the slightest, Junhui finally packing up and slinging a bag over him, walking away whilst humming.

Jihoon gets to relax when he finally leaves, expressing a whole sigh. Junhui’s so relaxed, isn’t he? Not to mention friendly too. Who could say no to him?

Now heading to the dance studio, Jihoon twirls the cap around his finger, his mind still going back to your text. Then he remembers he’s going to Soonyoung, and a funny memory comes into his head.

It’s the time when Soonyoung asked him about you — if you were seeing someone. In Jihoon’s mind, it wasn’t his place to say if you were dating, but at the same time, he didn’t like to think about you with someone else. From what began as platonic blossomed into something more, a slight desire to treasure you for himself, but it sounded crazy in Jihoon’s head.

Therefore in the end, he didn’t answer Soonyoung’s question. Jihoon was also aware of the feelings Soonyoung had for you, despite Soonyoung’s bad attempts of trying to disapprove of it. Jihoon was tagged to not express his feelings, so Jihoon kept it that way. Nevertheless, he didn’t want to break up his friendship with Soonyoung by admitting he liked you too — he wanted Soonyoung to keep his puppy love for you.

“Hey man, what’s up Hoon?”

Jihoon flinches a little. He didn’t even register that he was in the dance studio already. He greets Soonyoung with a wobbly smile. “Jun wanted to give this back.”

“Oh, I’ve been searching for this everywhere!” Soonyoung throws his current cap away and wears the white one. “While you’re here, I need to give you something.”

“Am I being a messenger owl today?” Scoffs Jihoon.

“What?”

“Nothing,”

An item is placed into Jihoon’s hand — a laptop that was familiar to him — and he looks at Soonyoung’s face, smiling as if it was nothing. He couldn’t blame Soonyoung, but it was like a stab to a fresh wound.

“Can you give this to Y/N? I used it to transport some files to my phone. I pretty sure she’s in the library with Wonwoo. They’re familiar with each other aren’t they?”

Yes Soonyoung, I know that, Jihoon grits his teeth. Jihoon shouldn’t be like this; he has no right to be. Why, out of all people, does he have to see Y/N and Wonwoo face to face? Fate was probably laughing at him today.

How sad.

“Whatever.” Jihoon eventually comments, walking out. Soonyoung shouts love you Jihoon! as he walks out, Jihoon scowling secretly. But he can’t get mad at Soonyoung — it was a harmless act in the end.

Soonyoung exhales loudly once Jihoon leaves. There’s a reason why Soonyoung isn’t a drama major, thank god he played it off decently. He finds his phone, lifting it to his ear. “You’re up.”

It’s quite a walk, but Jihoon makes it to the library, holding in a breath. Is it normal for is heart to beat this fast? Maybe not, but it was.

Jihoon slaps himself lightly on the cheek, wanting to come back to the reality of this all. It’s over. The simple words keeps Jihoon motivated to enter the library, quiet and unbothered.

Yet to his surprise, you couldn’t be seen anywhere. Like an idiot, he walks up and down and around the library three times before concluding one, everyone was certainly beginning to think he’s insane, and two, you aren’t in the library.

“Fantastic.” Jihoon clicks his tongue, preparing himself for what’s about to happen. Right now, he wants to kick a chair, yet he suppresses that as he walks to the desk, paper cranes of different sizes and colours filling the sides.

Jihoon stares at Wonwoo, who’s in his own world, silently folding more cranes one by one, multitasking as he reads through a textbook.

Slowly arriving in front of the desk, Jihoon clears his throat. Awkwardly.

“Wonwoo?”

“Hm — Jihoon?” Wonwoo puts down his in-progress crane, tilting his head. “How may I help?”

His chill tone makes Jihoon bubble with envy inside. Insecurity hits. Manifests. Jihoon presents the laptop to Wonwoo, hand running along one of your stickers in the corner.

He either had two options: ask where you were, or ask Wonwoo to give the laptop to you.

Jihoon comes to a decision.

“Give this to Y/N please,”

“Ah, Y/N just left, what bad timing,” Wonwoo pouts, now holding the laptop and storing it behind the desk, “I’ll return it as soon as possible. Y/N will be really happy.”

“Okay.” Forcing a smile, Jihoon thinks he can’t hold this up any longer. It feels like the world is closing on him. “Now I, uh, better go—“

“Before you do,” Wonwoo disrupts, “Y/N left this.” He shows a closed letter, sliding it along the desk to Jihoon. “I think it’s for you.”

Me? “I don’t think so…” Jihoon shakes his head, rejecting the letter. “Its probably for you.”

“Pretty sure it isn’t,” the other holds up a smile, “we’re just friends. Whatever it is, I don’t think Y/N would tell me something through letter.” Wonwoo pushes the letter just slightly, enough to tip over the edge and for Jihoon to clumsily catch it. “I have no idea what it’s about, but the name says what it says.”

Jihoon checks the letters on the flap. Lee Jihoon.

“Oh.” Jihoon says intelligently. He moves his lips to add something, but recognises the person waiting behind him, giving no option but to quickly say goodbye and walk out.

Sitting after much exhaustion, Jihoon unfolds the black letter and takes out the tiny-sized paper.

Dear Jihoon,

This is long overdue on my behalf, so here it is.

You had me fooled.

Fooled you were helping me all this time; fooled that you were just tagging along with this; fooled I was going the wrong way all this time. But you know what? You fooled yourself too.

Fooled yourself by watching me go through each person, one by one. Fooled through pointing out the good things about everyone. Fooled because when it came to you, you looked at yourself negatively. I could be mad — I’d have a right to be — but it’s not what I’m here for.

I’m here to tell you the truth.

The truth that you don’t have to be Junhui to be loved by everyone, or be Soonyoung to catch my attention, even Wonwoo to make me smile ‘brightly’. I want you to be you.

Jihoon who’s always hardworking, the person who brings a smile to my face every day without fail, who I hold precious to my heart, who’s amazing in every single way but stays grounded. You — with a loving heart even though he doesn’t want to admit, that through the stubbornness, you cherish those close to you; admire them, even.

You admire them to the point that you think you can’t get to their level, and it hurts me to see you can’t recognise your glow. Because of you, each day is beautiful to me. Persona or true self, you are held dear to me, because in the end, it’s you.

Out of all possibilities, I wouldn’t have thought you’d admire someone like me. ‘Why me?’ Is what I thought the first time I recieved that letter during that cold January. Though, I slowly loved myself more and more with your words, and I was always on the receiving end.

What I’m trying to say is… I wanna return the favour. Show you how special you are, make you love yourself the same way you did to me.

So please, meet me in the garden? I miss you so much.

I miss your face, smile, voice, the stupid texts you send at 2AM — I miss it all. I hope you do, too.

It’s fine if you don’t come. I just wanted to let you know all of this.

My miracle; that’s who you are in my eyes.

Love, Y/N.

Jihoon begins to run to the garden, heart beating faster than ever. Inside the library, Wonwoo smiles, soon texting you.

Out of the endless possibilities.

Jihoon stumbles into the garden, turning around and round, searching with every fibre of energy in him. He stops, thinking deeply before his eyes lighten — shimmering — when he goes into the direction of the hidden area, hidden behind vivid green leaves and small, white flowers growing.

He sees you standing there, a fresh breeze coming to him. He feels unworthy of being dressed so casually like this but it doesn’t matter because you’re there.

Your hand gripped onto your arm as you’re seated on the stone bench, gently swinging your legs and face sullen yet calm, eyes moving from your shoes to the stone path.

Only one miracle has happened before our eyes

Quietly, he calls out your name.

Your ears pick it up, the quiet call feeling like the loudest thing in your mind, all the messy thoughts fading away. The two of you meet face to face, taking in every curve and expression forming on your face.

Jihoon’s smooth skin kissed with faint beauty marks, deep irises shaking as they gaze at you, eyelashes moving beautifully when he closes his eyes, the hue of his cheeks warming to a cherry blossom pink, being bridged over his nose, lips agape, no words escaping out of him.

He’s just like you remembered him: beautiful.

Even if we miss each other, it’s alright, I’ll find you.

He approaches you first, walking with a little sigh while his eyes concentrate on you. You couldn’t just break away, you were enchanted too.

When Jihoon stands in front of you, he takes you by the hand, pulling you up and not letting go afterwards.

“Hi,” dumbly, you say.

“Hi.” He says with the same tone.

It makes the both of you laugh, breaking away in shy giggles as Jihoon’s lips wobble once more, and his hands begin to shake. You hold onto his hands tight, running a thumb over his skin. “Look at me,” you whisper.

Jihoon looks at you. After all the feelings he kept inside, the insecurities he hid away, the admiration he has for everyone else but himself, he looks at you and it goes away.

He finds it dazzling how you have so much impact on him. You, standing there, and letting every single thing in his head dissolve. Just like that, it’s done all because of you.

You smile, moving your hand to his cheek. Naturally, Jihoon nuzzles into your palm. Just watching it, you knew that you didn’t mind this.

So let’s be in love even more, so we won’t lose this miracle.

Jihoon breaks away from your touch, his hand reaching into his back pocket, revealing a crumpled piece of paper. His hands, still shaky, takes it out, flatting the deep creases made in them.

You remember that piece of paper; it was from his notebook the day you met in this exact same spot.

“Y/N,” Jihoon reads off the paper, and it’s apparent that you can hear his heartbeats from all the way here, “I’m aware I’m the last person who you would’ve thought to be,” you laugh in between his words, Jihoon relaxing along with you, “but I hope you aren’t disappointed. After all, I did warn you.”

He looks away from the paper, putting it by his side.

“So enough with this persona, and time to formally reveal myself. I’m Jihoon and I like you so, so much Y/N. I can’t think of anyone else but you. It’s always been you. Finally, I can say this — no worries, nothing. Will you be mine?”

Happiness rockets inside you, pulling Jihoon into a hug without any warning, nodding speechlessly. Jihoon melts into the hug too, hands wrapped securely around you.

“Say it again,” you softly ask.

Jihoon’s chuckle vibrates from his chest, sending a warm feeling to you. “I like you,”

You smile so much that it hurts, hands playing with Jihoon’s hair. “I like you too, my miracle.”

All the beautiful words from the countless letters sent to you finally come to a reality, its beautifulness more apparent inside Jihoon’s eyes, not able to comprehend such a sight that he’ll cherish for an eternity. He hums questionably, causing you to look at him with shy eyes.

Forever, this was wanted for forever.

“It’s you; you’re my miracle.”

Thank the heavens Jihoon reciprocated that feeling too.

#jihoon #lee jihoon #seventeen #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #jihoon imagines #jihoon scenarios #woozi #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios

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