#i’ll never stop thinking about the ferris wheel scene and how important it is for susie and noelle’s relationship…

[zombvibes]

You’d see way more deltarune analysis posts from me if 1. People haven’t already talked about the things I would like to talk about and 2 (this is more important) if i could form a coherent thought

This is why i just talk about how silly deltarune ships are it’s easier and nobody else is doing it except for me!!!! (and i wouldn’t have it any other way)

[shutupheathersorryheatherr]

"Jungsu hcs pt.2"

Summery: pt.2 of the Jungsu hcs like I promised!! just how you got together and a couple little cute scenes I came up with approximately: about a 20 min read

A/N: I got jungsu brain rot from writing this :(

Warnings and info: kissing I think? Tbh I forgot if that’s in here or not, cursing, fluffy fluff, mentions of food, mentions of riding the Ferris wheel & other carnival rides, think that’s it!

~this is simply a piece of fiction. My imagination onto “paper.” This is in no way is mean to be taken as an actual and real representation of anyone.~

••••••••••••••••••••••••••

i know full well how I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again: jungsu and jooyeon both give me friends to lovers vibes

I know full well how I’ve said this before but I don’t care so imma say it again

both jungsu and jooyeon give me friends to lovers vibes

like specifically with jungsu… it’s like yeah sure y’all are really good friends and have been for a while, and there’s something in the both of yalls back of heads that’s making your linger on the thought that maybe it’s more than that… becoming, growing, blooming and blossoming— starting to grow fruit ripe, sweet, and beautiful…

something booming in your heads about how maybe it wasn’t so cut and dry

so simple

And unlike with you and jooyeon, you don’t try to reason your way out of it much

thinking that “it isn’t that important” “it’ll go away soon” or “nah they dont feel the same”

not like either of you dwell on the reality at all either though,

oh but it’s there all right— thick air in between the two of you, and just like how I said it would be like with you and jooyeon, never getting awkward or boring

you both knew it was important and you had a feeling the other felt the same— the glances, coupled with the sporadic longing looks into each others eyes, and just all around knowing how deeply and the type of way you cared for each other,-- you were both content with it for a while. it just felt nice keeping like a little secret the both of you knew about each other

but the first time you two really realized that wow, this is really happening and it’s bigger than I thought, happens when y’all are at a carnival with a group

somehow you two end up getting separated from the larger group you were with

Not like either of you really minded, tho

he like being alone with you and the both of your thoughts just say much as you did him

but this time, unlike the others, all those feelings inside the both of you couldn’t stop from bubbling over the surface

one thing led to another and soon enough he's leaning his head on your shoulder on the ferris wheel

he knows its a cliche, but with you, it was all he could think and dream about doing.

you can feel your heart beating in your ears and for some reason you don't care about him knowing

if anything, you'd like him to know

you look down at him the same time he's looking up at you

and its not awkward at all

there seems to be something in the air

or maybe its just how high you two are right now but neither of you could catch your breath, even though youre both sitting down

he wants so fucking badly to say something, and so do you

but is this really the right time, you wonder

but no matter how silent the two of you are, a mutual understanding seems to ebb and flow between the both of you

even though you turn away in a few seconds, you both come away from that knowing that you have something to say to the other

a few minutes later and the ride is over

as youre climbing out, your back turned away from him, you ask: got something to say to me?

his body vibrates with a chuckle and as youre walking away from the ride, you don't even realizing how close the two of you are until you can feel him laugh behind you

"oh you--" "yeah," you quickly smile, "I noticed. seemed pretty serious too."

He simply shrugs, now a little bit ahead of you, turned around and walking backwards

(not the best idea in a crowded place but ok my guy u do u)

"ill tell you later." he says. and you cross your arms at how his cheeks are puffing up in a smile

before you can get another word of protest out, he's already speaking again

"why is this all about me? I feel like you definitely had something to say. so what was it? what were you gonna tell me back there?"

"you wanna know?" you playfully shove him now that he's back next to you. "mmhm." "is the suspense just killing you?" "mmhmmm." he repeats, more drawn out this time

seeing the rest of the group ahead of you, you shrug like he did a minute ago "ill tell you later." you say

and you don't see it, but he was having an inner war as to wether let himself blush or to stomp his feet in annoyance. then again, he did say the same thing to you

soon enough you get separated again, this time not alone with him

yu eventually get reunited though, having been able to think a little bit more about what had happened and what you where gonna do about it

You see other next at the food court— weathered picnic tables are scattered throughout the grounds

You’re sure hes… somewhere, now you just had to find him….

he feels your presence before you get to him and he sees you, turning around so he could smile at you

You get to the table, but to your surprise, not does he have food for himself but also a separate container of your favorite carnival food

When you sit down he’s not giving you any time, already scootching something that quote “made him think if you when he passed it at a merch stand”

you’re sitting so close to each other that you can feel the warmth radiating off his body, even through his clothes and he can smell your fabric softener and your hair products

suddenly it didn’t feel like you two where in a crowded space, the scent and feel was way too homey to have been melting into out in the open

”figured you were hungry” he says, soft voice next to you breaking the silence

you thank him and take a few bites

“I didn’t eat too fast,” he tells you. And you’re confused for a moment before he continues “you texted me like, twenty minutes ago and after I had told you about the last ride I went on”

you remember “oh!” You neatly shout “well, I am glad you heeded my warning” you were practically beaming in front of him, you feet now turned so that they were perched on the bench for the table

“Cause seriously, the way you described that ride,” you leaned back a little, frowning “it sounded pretty crazy” he nods and says that it was and he wasn’t sure how anyone convinced him to get on that thing that quote “must’ve been invented by people in the Middle Ages as a new kind of torture device”

After a few moments or silence you try to brake it. Not like it was awkward or uncomfortable… you just needed to know “so… what were you gonna tell—“ before you can finish hes cutting you off, looking dead in you eyes and saying “I always think of you”

the look in his eyes is serious, almost pleading

the confession surprises you a little, but not enough to make you not be able to regain your composure a second later

”I know, Jungsu… I know. seems like you always do." he stops looking at you to stare again at his food. "do uh--" with all the feelings where flooding out of him all at once... it was getting hard to get his speech and thoughts all coherent and in order, and suddenly, even after all his forwardness he's getting nervous now.

but neither of you mind it, even though his throat is as dry as a desert

"Do I also think about you?" you ask yourself for him. "all the time."

and now he's fucking beaming even though his food is getting cold in front of him

youre smiling at him too

and really, that was all you two needed to say to understand

Moving on!!!!

=========

ok so as I've mentioned before, jungsu cares so sosososoososo much for you. and yeah he tells you but you see it too

like one time when he came home late and actually dead tired. he had to deal with so many people that day, but he realized that so did you... so he sits up in bed and talks to you even though his eyes are closing on their own. even when you start to lay down and pull the covers up to your chin to wind down, he's still keeping up with whatever you have to say

or a smilier time when he also came home dead tired about ready to flop in bed. which he did

but the next morning, he wakes up and jumps outta bed, happier than ever despite not sleeping in till noon with how tired he was.

why the fuck is he so happy, you ask?

just this little thing called: cause he's got it in his mind he's going to make you breakfast.

you wake up to the wonderful smell and go to the source to see he's almost done making an entire spread. like he thought of everything. you want freshly made whipped cream on your pancakes? say less its already there. fruit with a sweet glaze? look by your favorite breakfast drink its right there

he's shirtless, wearing sweatpants/ night pants that are hanging low on his hips, boxer band poking out (when will it be my turn????!!) his absolutely glorious bare back is turned to you and you're just standing there for a second admiring the view.

"I was waiting for you to drop the eggs." he says, back still turned but now whisking them vigorously so they'll be fluffy.

"need--" "no no, sit down" there was noting special going on at all, he just felt like it

... and it just so happens that making you breakfast is something he just "felt like doing" consequently, after seeing your reaction that first time

uggghhh he just wants to make you happy

and you want the same-- for you two to be happy together

while he eggs are cooking he brings over your drinks. youre sitting at the table and he leans there, almost caging you in as he points to his cheek. you smile and give him a peck there

He brings himself closer as you breath his presence in, putting your chin on his shoulder and closing your eyes in comfort and Surender before he drops lower

he holds your hands in his, guiding your knuckles to his lips to give them soft, small and sweet pecks all over

his chin is almost on your knees as he's doing so and the both of you revel in the closeness-- with your hands balled up tightly in his and his lips kissing at your fingers, spreading warmth throughout the both of you

you role your eyes at him, and all you can do is smile. thought that seems to happen a lot in malls relationship-- being so close, having a friendship so strong, that all you two needed to do was to look at each other a certain way and the point would be conveyed perfectly... so I guess, in a way, you two never strayed too far away from glances and longing stares

~end~

thanks so much for reading! again, if you liked it please show some love like commenting or reblogging! Tumblr works on that system to push fics out and not a "liking" system. so when you just like something all that does is just bookmark it for you. so even though getting attention is not solely why I make fics, a simple reblog/comment really does a lot of good!!

taglist: @itz-yerin

[therenlover]

Red Nights In Jupiter (A Jimmy Darling/Reader Oneshot)

Synopsis: At the end of another long day, you fall into bed with Jimmy Darling. The men you served throughout the day don’t matter then, nor do the coins in the mason jar by the door, or the women scheduled to attend Jimmy’s next Tupperware party. No, in that quiet darkness it’s just you and the man you love, bone-tired and happy to be home. Who could ask for more?

Tags: Cuddling, Prostitution, Wound Care, Hurt/Comfort, Referenced Past Non-Con (it’s not Jimmy, don’t worry), Implied Sexual Content/Innuendo

Rating: 16+

Warnings*: Mentioned Police Officer Abusing Their Power, Referenced Non-Con, Jimmy Drinks A Beer, Non-Graphic Wound Care 

Word Count: 3000~

* - This fic includes a reader who is a prostitute and has recently been taken advantage of by a police officer in exchange for not going to jail. There are no graphic scenes and it's mentioned only a couple of times in passing, but the ending portion of the fic is Jimmy helping the reader recover from wounds (just bruises/scratches) they got during the incident. If this is potentially triggering, please steer clear!

This fic has been crossposted under the same title to my AO3!

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“How did the show go tonight?” You mumbled, mouth full of toothpaste.

“It wasn’t anything special,” Jimmy responded as you spit, “some dumb kids snuck in a couple of rotten tomatoes but their aim was shit. Nobody got hit, so I’ll consider it a success,”

The two of you stood shoulder to shoulder over the tiny kitchen sink in his trailer, clumsily going through the motions to wind down from an exhausting day. Outside the sky was a deep red. The last of the sun’s dying light shimmered over the ferris wheel as it made its last run, cutting through the muggy Jupiter air. In the last weeks of July, everything was sweltering. Even the walls of the little trailer were hot enough to leave a burn in the full heat of the noontime sun. Thankfully for you, as the sun receded so did the worst of the scalding heat, leaving behind a hot, wet, and thick fog over the nighttime landscape.

Jimmy finished washing his face while you rinsed your toothbrush. “Elsa and I were thinking that maybe, in the next couple ‘a years, we should invest in another ride. Not a ‘coaster, nothing huge, just something other than the ferris wheel that would keep the kids busy while their parents watch the show,” As he spoke, he wet a washcloth under the tap before wringing it out and tossing it over his shoulders. “What do you think, doll?”

“I think-” you held your tongue, your biting reply dissolving into bitter acid in your mouth, “I think that if that’s what’s best for the show, we should start investing sooner rather than later. It’s always best to be prepared so we can figure it into the budget ASAP,” With a practiced hand you bundled up your toiletries and tucked them away in the drawer. The shake in your tired digits was barely perceptible in the dimly lit room. What was best for the troupe was what was best for you. Still, you couldn’t help but sneak a gaze at the half-full mason jar sitting on the counter by the door.

“You sure?” Jimmy asked. He was down in the mini-fridge now, pulling out a can of some cheap beer. You closed your eyes and offered a curt nod. There was no need to argue over an impossible dream. If Elsa wanted a new ride, she would get a new ride.

“I’m sure, Jimmy. I’m just tired,”

Thankfully, he accepted your excuse with a shrug, settling in at the pull-down table. “Whatever you say, sweet thing,” he cooed, “now get over here. I missed you today,”

You gave in to his request easily. After everything you’d been through over the last 12 hours, you weren’t about to turn down a little affection and attention from the man you loved. Your sunburnt shoulders stung as you clambered into Jimmy’s arms and allowed your face to settle into his sweet, sweaty embrace. His heart thudded under your ear, a steady quarter-note rhythm guiding your own soaring staccato down to normalcy.

Somewhere out in the field, probably in one of the other rusted-out trailers where your friends were settling down in their own nighttime routines, a radio buzzed to life. The sweet sounds of Paul Anka crooning his newest hit loosened your nerves. Over your shoulder, Jimmy took a long swig from his can.

“How was work?” you whispered. Jimmy set down his drink with a little more force than usual. One of his fused hands found its way into his hair. You both knew you weren’t asking about the show.

“I didn’t make much today, but I’m almost fully booked for Thursday. That’s the last party until next week unless the ladies want to throw something after church on Sunday. Wednesday we don’t have a show, so I’m all yours,”

His voice was tired, a departure from his usual confidence. This wasn’t Jimmy Darling the leader and performer, it was your Jimmy boy, the man who held your broken heart together with his unusual hands. You relished in the vulnerability, letting yourself nuzzle closer to his skin. He smelled like sweat and grease and cheap cologne but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. It was him. That’s what mattered.

“I could take Wednesday off, Wednesday is never that busy,” you mused.

“Then we’ll go out on Wednesday,” Jimmy was jovial but not loud, dropping his hand down from his hair to rub abstract patterns into your back above the starchy cotton of your day dress, “I’ll take us down to the beach on my bike and we can have a picnic lunch by the ocean. I know a spot off the road that nobody would ever think to go to, it’s like a private beach we’ll have all to ourselves, and the guy at the deli owes me a favor so I can pick up sandwich stuff for cheap when I run in tomorrow. Maybe I’ll even spend a little extra a grab a bottle of that white wine you like. How does that sound, doll face?”

You hummed out an affirmative, far too deep into your newfound relaxation to form words. Your boneless, half-lucid state made Jimmy laugh. His smile only fell when he found a fresh bruise on your back, making you wince.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked, pulling his hand away. You whined at the loss of contact. It was rare for you to have the time to wind down together these days, every second of attention was something to cherish.

“It’s just a bad bruise,”

In an instant, Jimmy had you straddling his lap to face him with your face in his large hands. “Did somebody hurt you?” he asked, running a thumb over your cheek to check for concealer or any small cuts and bruises he might have missed, “‘cause if somebody hit my girl I’m gonna have to show them what’s what. I don’t care if they paid, they don’t get to do that shit to you,”

You couldn’t help but avert your eyes, letting your gaze linger on the veins bulging in Jimmy’s neck instead of his face. It would be too difficult to risk seeing the disappointment in his eyes. “It was a cop, Jimmy. I got busted,”

He groaned. “Those bastards…”

“Thankfully this time he just took what he wanted and let me off with a warning. He’ll be back, though, they always are. I’m sorry, Jimmy, I’m just so tired,” A shudder wracked your shoulders, a silent sob you couldn’t quite choke down. You had to take a minute to remind yourself that you were safe. Jimmy had you. You were tucked away from the world in his arms, and he’d kill someone before he let them do anything to hurt you. Nothing and no one could touch you as long as he was there. When he wasn’t, though…

You gripped his thin, white undershirt a little tighter.

Jimmy was with you, not some stranger who had picked you up off the streets for a little fun. You were at home in your caravan with Jimmy and he was holding you and nothing else mattered. There was no reason to be afraid.

He gritted his teeth. Obviously, your distress wasn’t as invisible as you wished it was. “Don't be sorry, doll, this isn't your fault. You know what? You don’t have to go back out there. There are plenty of other ways we can make the money, sweetheart, just say the word and I’ll make it happen. You never have to deal with them again,”

“But the new ride-”

“To hell with the new ride!” Jimmy was shouting in earnest now, but you weren’t afraid, pushing yourself further into his touch. Part of you liked watching him come to your defense. It was something he would only do for someone he loved, someone who was a part of his family, not just any horny housewife that used him to chase their own desires. “Your safety is so much more important than a new ride a couple years down the line! I’ll go tell Elsa to scrap the idea right now if that means you feel better. You’re the most important thing to me, Y/N. You say jump and I say how high. I’m not gonna force you to do anything, if you choose to keep working I have no right to stand up all high and mighty and tell you not to, but if you do wanna stop… I guess what I’m sayin’ is that I want you to be happy, and if I have to pick up the slack for you to do that then so be it,”

You were cradled against his chest again by the end of his schpiel. Your anxiety wasn’t quite as bad as it had been before, and the newly fallen darkness added a sort of buffer to your feelings. Everything was fuzzier in the dark. In that place past dusk where the problems of the word lost their sharp edges you let yourself abandon everything that scared you during the day. Children were afraid of the things they couldn’t see by moonlight but you relished in the anonymity of the night. Life was much scarier by the light of the sun.

“Thank you, Jimmy, I mean it,” you murmured, pressing a soft kiss to his palm before pulling away from his touch, “but we both know I can’t quit,”

“But doll, I-”

“No buts. I bring in more in a week than the troupe makes in a month, not to mention that I get half the essentials for the mess tent at a discount from customers who are sweet on me. Someday, and that day can’t come soon enough, we’ll have enough saved up to get out of here, but until then we both just have to do whatever we can to make that future a reality,”

Jimmy nodded, draining the last warm dregs from his beer and tossing the empty can into the trash. “I just hate thinkin’ about you standing out there alone while those assholes look at you like a piece of meat,”

“I get by well enough,”

“I know you do, but you can’t blame me for worrying,” In a moment of drowsy bliss, you let a soft yawn escape your lips. Jimmy grinned. “Are you fallin’ asleep on me?”

You offered him a loose, gummy smile. “Maybe a little,”

He was quick to sweep a well-muscled arm up under your knees, lifting you up bridal style. You let out a small shriek of surprise. Jimmy didn’t let that distract him, though, as he carried your wriggling form over to your shared bed before setting you down with a low chuckle. “Now dollface,” he said, pulling off his sweat-damp undershirt and the washcloth that had been resting on his shoulders, “you up for a little bit of the Jimmy Darlin’ magic tonight, or would you rather just cuddle?”

“Can we just cuddle tonight? I’m still sore as hell. That asshole cop had me up against a brick wall and didn’t exactly take the time to lighten up his grip when I started to bruise,”

Jimmy nodded. “I tell you what,” he said, running a fused digit over the top button of your dress, “first let’s get that dress off you, then I can rub on some of that arnica gel we got as a gift from the new girl last month, alright? She said it helps with bruises. Once you’re all taken care of, then we can cuddle,”

“That sounds heavenly,” You smiled up at Jimmy as you unbuttoned the front of your dress, easily sliding out and discarding it as he changed out of his work jeans and into some thin cotton pajama pants. Your bra came off last, and much to your surprise your beau didn’t spend much time ogling you, instead turning quickly to go recover the ointment from the shelf in the bathroom.

From your viewpoint on the bed, Jimmy looked like Adonis. He was always handsome, sure, but you loved how the moonlight hit his bare back, revealing each plane of thick, workers muscle as it caressed his skin. As your eyes fluttered closed, you could almost feel the ghost of his body above yours. The radio across the field was still droning on outside the window. In your bed, watching Jimmy putter around the trailer and listening to the fuzzy music that drifted in from the outside, you felt complete for the first time in a long time. There was only one thing left to do that could make you feel better.

“Jimmy,” you asked, “tell me about the future?”

He turned to you with a sigh, the glass jar of arnica gel in hand, “Doll, I’m no Dr. Seuss...”

“Pleeeease, Jimmy,” you whined, “for me?”

It didn’t take anything more for Jimmy to give in. “How could I ever say no when you ask so nicely,” He sat down at your side on the bed, nudging you to roll onto your stomach and give him access to your bruised and scraped back. As he began his gentle probing of your wounds, he started to talk.

“Once we save up enough money,” he whispered, scooping up some gel from the jar before rubbing it into a particularly tender purple spot, “we’re gonna get out of here. You and Ma and me will find a nice little house somewhere with some land, and we’ll be happy there. When we get there, I’ll find a job somewhere where people won’t gawk at me. I can work construction or grow produce in the yard, and you… you, doll, will finally get to rest. You can stay home with Ma, cook, sew, read; you’ll never have to sell yourself on the streets again,”

You squirmed under his touch. “Now tell me about the kids,”

Jimmy groaned. “Really?”

“They’re the best part!”

“Alright, alright, because you won’t stop buggin’ me I’ll talk about the kids, but next time I’m down and out after a fight you’d better return the favor. I expect you to talk my ear off about all the sinful things I wanna hear while you’re busy holding a steak to my eye,”

You grinned. “Since when have I ever let you down, Mr. Darling?”

“Not once, sweet thing,” he pressed a soft kiss to the back of your head before going back to focusing on your flesh, now doing more of a massage on the less marred areas than anything else. “Now where were we?”

“The kids, Jimmy,”

“Oh right, the kids!” You let your eyes drift closed as he spoke, relishing in the feeling of his hands against your skin. Every moment in his arms was heaven. It was a real shame the rest of society didn’t see him the way you did, but it kept any potential competition away, and for that you were grateful. Life without Jimmy would be like baking with no sugar; just plain wrong. “Once we have our own place and the money is coming in, I won’t have to waste my pocket change on rubbers anymore. I’ll get you nice and pregnant and then, after nine months of getting looked after by yours truly, you’ll finally have your own little Darling, yours an’ mine. Won’t that be a sight? A little Jimmy Jr. runnin’ around in the yard, absolutely spoiled rotten by his grandma. I dunno much about bein’ a good dad, but I sure as hell know what not to do. No matter what the child ends up looking like, I’ll be there every step of the way. Who knows, if you and I get real busy we may have a whole brood of Darling children before long,”

You wanted to offer up some sort of placation, a witty reply, but you found that your tongue was too heavy and your eyes were drooping lower by the second. It was cooler now that the moon had started her ascent into the night sky, cool enough to stay comfortable with the little air conditioning unit in the window running full blast. Suddenly, the bed shifted next to you as Jimmy screwed the top back onto the jar and got up to return it to its shelf.

“Hey, Jimmy?” you called, voice thick with exhaustion. He was quick to respond, slotting the jar into its place and stepping out of the dimly lit bathroom to check on you.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” you said, rolling onto your back and getting comfortable on top of the sheets, “I just wanted to say I love you, so much,”

Jimmy was back at your side in an instant. “I love you too, doll. I dunno what I ever did to deserve you-”

“Oh stop!” your words were slurred now, dripping from your lips as you watched Jimmy climb into bed. You found your place at his side quickly. It was muscle memory to link your leg with his and set your head on his chest no matter how tired you were. "You're the most handsome, wonderful, perfect man I could have ever asked for Jimmy Darling, and don't you forget it!"

“It’s time for sleep now, doll,” he whispered, burying his face in your hair and wrapping his arms around you, “There’s plenty of time to talk about how wonderful you think I am in the morning,” The smile on his face was clear from the tone of his voice, but you heeded his words, quickly falling into a dreamless sleep while he protected you from the rest of the world.

Things weren’t perfect. You would still wake up the next day and watch the man you loved leave as both of you sold your very bodies in search of an impossible dream for the future, but that was okay. As long as Jimmy was by your side, everything would be.

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a/n: I hope you enjoyed this fic! I intended for it to be a short drabble where I could practice writing for jimmy, but in the end I’m really happy with how it turned out. This is, genuinely, something I’m really proud of, so please let me know if you liked it. Thank you so much for supporting me!!!

[honey-hippie-harper]

Walking through the dark

Hello :’) ahdjabndms well...I didn’t enter the gift exchange (I WAS HAVING A BREAKDOWN I’M SORRY) but...ansdhnsj yeah :’) @honey-harper-official like I had already told you...I wanted to do something for you. You asked for angst about Adrian talking about his mom...but this turned out to be kinda Nodrian, I hope you don’t mind :’)

Idk what to say :’) You were an important part of this fandom, and I’m going to miss you a lot. Still, I am (I think we all are) proud you’re doing what’s best for you. Carry on <3

I hope you like this <3

And thank you.

I’m a little rusty in all this writing straights businesses

Walking through the dark

Two years after the Supernova, they were trying to “get more creative” with the parade, while trying to make it more affordable at the same time.  

This year, it looked like an illustrated book. There were no paid actors, nor were the Renegades on top of a float. If anything, they were patrolling alongside the rest of the teams, and the only extra checks were for the marching band and the drivers.

The first float was about the lift of the city, and it had a city in ruins, with Ace Anarchy standing above everything. The background was in greys and reds, which made his gold and blue costume glow like a traffic light in the shadows. By the right corner, were Queen Bee and Cyanide, turning their backs at the audience, and staring at Ace Anarchy instead.

The second float was about the Renegades’ first public appearance, standing at the front, ordered by height, while the Anarchists’ silhouettes stood behind them, taller and bigger, so they could fit into six different people.

The next one was the Puppeteers’. He was standing on a Ferris Wheel, with the strings coming from his hands tied around the Anarchists and the Renegades’ shadows. The Renegades had blue strings, and the Anarchists had red strings.

The following one was new, because her parents had never been in the floats before. It was a beautiful car, with colors that resembled the Milky Way, and it showed David Artino, with a woman (Tala Artino) and a little girl (Evie, now Maggie Artino) standing behind him, placing a star into an older girl’s hands (herself). There was another, golden silhouette behind them, too.

The Day of Triumph came right after. Ace Anarchy standing on the cathedral, and Captain Chromium watching him from below, Silver Spear in hand, and a little capsule on his back.

Then came the scene after the cathedral, with the Renegades standing together outside the building. No masks. One of them missing. The rest, bruised but victorious. Captain Chromium was holding the Silver Spear above his head, and the Silver Spear had the helmet, which was on Max’s head the following float.

The supernova. Max being the one standing above them. The two of them.

Adrian and Nova. 

The supernova float had a lot of colors, and it was Adrian’s personal favorite. Maybe that’s why Nova remembered the floats so well in the first place. She had spent a good amount of time discussing with Adrian about them.

She also remembered them because she was watching them from above when she fell from the roof.

It was an accident, and it was stupid.

In order to avoid having people scattered all over the place, the teams were asked to split this year. While Danna and Nova watched from two different roofs, Adrian, Oscar and Ruby were left on the ground. From her roof, Nova could see Adrian, and if she went across it, towards the space where the water tanks were located, she could see Ruby. However, Danna was the one who could see Oscar.

When the floats arrived into their assigned street, the security camera started bothering Nova more than it should’ve had. It wasn’t really misplaced, but it surely looked so to her, because she had once been here, and she was one to know about the tricks a person who had bad intentions could play. She also knew that two could play that game, especially if they both knew those tricks.

Now, the camera wasn’t misplaced. It wasn’t. It really wasn’t. But Nova was stubborn, so she climbed on the edge of the roof anyway to go check on it. For some reason, the structure being slippery due to mold or water or whatever, never crossed her mind.

One moment, Nova was standing at the edge of the roof.

The next one, she was falling.

It happened so fast she couldn’t even scream or think, but somehow she managed to activate the emergency alarm in her bracelet, as the wind made her eyes tear up, and she felt her body suspended in time, though it was still falling, and falling, and falling.

First, the panicked swarm of butterflies reached her, careful not to block her vision because that would only make the death experience worse for her (yes, at the moment, Nova was sure she wouldn’t live to tell the story about how she fell from the roof) while also trying to help, perfectly knowing there was nothing they could do.

And, a few seconds after that, all Nova felt was a wave of overwhelming pain, when Thunderbird tackled her to stop the freefall and then wrapped her arms around her, flying all the way up to the roof, and then going down again. Nova had never been rescued by Thunderbird before, but she didn’t know one single person who said being rescued by her had been a pleasant experience. Her movements felt controlled and it was evident she knew what she was doing, but she was rough as hell, to the point where, despite knowing she had already been saved, Nova screamed for her life, until she was dropped on the ground in a mildly gentler way.

Upon stepping on stable ground, Nova realized this would be the dizziest she would ever be, and stumbled. Danna, who was already reformed, standing next to her, caught her by the arm so she wouldn’t fall.

At first, when she regained control over her senses, she heard nothing but Thunderbird’s ranting, and her voice demanding to see the entire Team Sketch, here and now, because, to put it lightly, Thunderbird was as blocked as her, and none of the two were able to hear Adrian in the distance, until they spot him.

He was bawling.

The parade was following its course, as they were trying to keep things as calm as possible, and Tsunami was still out there, acting as the only active council member at the moment, although aware of what was happening. Above all the noise and the commotion, Nova spotted Ruby politely nudging her way into the crowd, following Thunderbird’s call and, obviously, the emergency alarm sent by Nova when she was falling.

Oscar was also coming, although slower.

And Adrian was bawling.

Nova could see him knelt down on the floor, with Captain Chromium’s, who also happened to be his dad, arms surrounding him, holding his body tightly. The Dread Warden, his other dad, was there too, uselessly trying to block the scene.

Well.

Maybe his attempts weren't that useless, and it was only that Nova happened to be in the right spot, at the right time, from which Adrian’s silhouette was impossible to go unnoticed, even with the Dread Warden standing in the middle.

“Who’s riding with her in the ambulance?”

An ambulance.

The words almost didn’t make sense in Nova’s head, not even with Thunderbird’s voice, which was pretty clear most of the time, especially when she was talking to the recruits. An ambulance.

An ambulance, because Nova had fallen from a roof, and Thunderbird had caught her.

Half of her body was sore, because she had been hit by Thunderbird’s body after all, but Nova was pretty sure she didn’t need an ambulance. She didn’t need to go to the medical wing. If anything, maybe she needed some water, but she was sure nothing was broken, nor dislocated or sprained.

She was fine.

Adrian, in fact, looked way more affected than her. Nova’s heart was pounding, but she wasn’t bawling after all.

He was.

“I’ll do it.” Ruby said. “I’ll ride with her in the ambulance.”

She did understand that.

“I’m okay.” She said. “Literally, I’m doing good. I don’t need to…”

“Just in case.”

Thunderbird patted her shoulder, which made it hurt a little.

Even so, Nova was still convinced she didn’t need an ambulance.

Yet, said ambulance was already coming closer to her.

“I’m fine. I’m just fine.”

“Sssh.” Ruby came over and, as Danna let go of her hand, wrapped her arms around her, so Nova could use her as the human crutch she didn’t need. “It’s okay, Nova.”

“Don’t fight it.” She heard Oscar’s voice say.

Sweet rot, she was just fine.

Being bruised by Thunderbird wasn’t something that required her being taken to the medical wing, mostly because it hadn’t been her intention to hurt her. On the contrary, Thunderbird had saved her. She was okay.

They wouldn’t believe her, of course. It wasn’t a possibility.

It never was, when something as awful as this happened.

Ruby rode with her in the ambulance.

Adrian showed up into her room a few minutes after they started allowing visitors. His face seemed wet, and his eyes were red as cherries.

Then he got into the bed and rested his head on her chest, while she gently ran her thumb through the space below his ear, going all the way down to his chin, feeling the remnants of facial hair he had previously shaved, perhaps a couple of days ago.

For the next week, Adrian said nothing about it.

Nothing.

-.-

Nova had an intermittent schedule because, once she grew to accept the fact she also needed some spare time and do something besides work, she decided she couldn’t just work as part of the patrol units and work in the Vault. On the other hand, she also had refused to leave all the work to Callum, and it’s not like she didn’t like the Vault or hanging out with Callum. For instance, she decided she would be part of the patrol units for a week, and then she would rest from that the following one, working at night in the Vault instead.

So far, it was working. She felt more rested and relaxed, even on busy days.

The post-parade days were usually busy, if she wanted to be honest, mostly because of the things that had happened during the parade but nobody noticed them until everything was over.

Nova had covered a shift with the team when she was supposed to be getting ready to join Callum at night. In her defense, the parade was pretty stressful for everyone, even the Council, now that they have to work as staff. Still, that didn’t change the fact they were walking alongside the floats, following them through the entirety of the city by foot, with the patrolling teams working as their side view, checking if there was any threat in the spots they couldn’t see.

The Anarchists were gone, and so were the Rejects.

Both Winston and Leroy had stopped considering themselves Anarchists some time ago and, besides, they didn’t like the parade. If anything, Winston had speeded towards the Headquarters the moment they called to the house, saying Nova had fallen from a roof, but none of the two were among the crowd to see her fall.

“I would love to see them dressed in the patrol units’ uniform, though.” Winston said. Because, indeed, to make sure everybody knew they were part of the staff, they had chosen to wear patrolling uniforms, and not their official costumes. “But I won’t.”

And he didn’t.

At least, not a first.

The thing was…he did see them in the hallway when he came to the medical wing, but he was too busy freaking out to even make the slightest offensive comment.

It wasn’t until later, a few days after the parade, that, while laying on the couch, Winston started wheezing at how tight the uniform was on Hugh’s chest, how uncomfortable Kasumi looked (and how she had pulled up the sleeves), how Tamaya kept tugging on the fabric around her neck, and that photo where Simon was trying to get a little piece of tape off his clothes but, out of context, looked as if he were checking on his own butt.

Winston had a blast, but only after Leroy, Maggie and him were scared to death.

The Maggie thing was questionable.

A little. Nova wasn’t sure.

Because, just like Adrian, she didn’t mention anything about it after she snuggled up in bed with her as soon as she came home from the Headquarters.

But maybe that was just Maggie.

She was like that sometimes.

Adrian, from his part, wasn’t. He wasn’t one to be closed to his feelings. In fact, he was usually willing to talk about what was wrong and why he was upset, which was pretty useful to Nova because, even if she sometimes had some trouble admitting it, she wasn’t particularly good at reading signs. It was something she was working on, relentlessly, but Rome hadn’t been built in a day.

Maybe he was just worried.

Nova never called in sick. She rarely missed a couple of days at work, let alone the entire week.

The day of the parade, just like she suspected from the start, the healers didn't find anything unusual in her body. In fact, everything was as it should be apart from the bruises. Nevertheless, they did say she might experience some mild pain in the next hours.

And mild was only one way to put it.

Maggie had been asleep, curled into a ball, next to her, for a couple of hours already, when Nova felt the sudden urge to throw up, and when she tried to move, half of her body was so sore she couldn’t find the strength to run. Or walk, whatsoever. Instead, she somehow managed to reach for the trash can, and even that was painful as fuck.

People were right when they said Tamaya wasn't tender. Nova had had her doubts, but right now there were no doubts left. When she called to notify she wouldn’t be going to the Headquarters at all, nobody tried to convince her otherwise. People rather encouraged it, knowing Nova verged on workaholic.

Adrian texted her a couple of times, and they talked about stuff unrelated to the parade accident. Nova didn’t think anything about it, as she attributed that to the fact Adrian was as sensitive as he was open. Perhaps he thought talking about it would make her upset, despite her having left the headquarters seemingly unaffected when it happened.

Then, after Thursday, the texts stopped. They were having a conversation about pizza, and then he stopped. Which made sense, to a certain extent, because Adrian was part of a patrol unit after all, and Ruby had already told her they had a couple of night shifts these days.

Once again, she tried not to think much about it. Besides, once her muscles were a little less swollen, she agreed to paint flower pots with Winston.

Not that that was something she exclusively did with Winston. Everyone in the house had done it, because they were always trying to find ways to bond and, in this case, due to Winston’s suggestion, they had painted flower pots. So far, they  were trying their best. Maggie’s flower pot had pretty dark colors, because she claimed she liked those. Leroy’s was pretty simple, because he had just sketched some formulas and painted the top part in green. Winston had not one, but three different flower pots already, plus the one he was painting at the moment, all of them very colorful and with elaborate drawings. As for Nova...she was doing her best.

She wasn’t an artist, but, with tons of dedication, she had managed to paint her flower pot in black and blue. She was now writing her name in italics on it, thinking about how she might also draw some stars later...or tell Winston to help her draw some stars. It occurred to her it would look nice.

Their house was sort of small, meaning they had a small yard too, but it was big enough to have a small garden and to place a blanket, and sit on it while they painted.

Both Winston and Nova had awful postures, if she wanted to be honest, and hers was even worse now that half of her body was aching, though she could feel she was already getting better.

A lot, in fact.

At least now she could limp through the house without feeling like she was dying, and get into the shower without Maggie’s help (which she provided reluctantly).

Over the time they sat together, Winston and Nova did some small talk, not enough to get the other distracted from their work.

In fact, the sound of Nova’s phone vibrating distracted them more than themselves had managed to do.

Normally, she wouldn’t have answered any calls or text messages when she was in the middle of a bonding session but, somehow, she also figured it could be Adrian, so she discreetly lifted up her cellphone.

Adrian: Hey.

Adrian: Can you come outside?

“Is it Adrian?”

“It’s Adrian.”

Winston scoffed.

“Don’t make that poor guy suffer.”

-.-

Nova didn’t like bright lights, because she wasn’t used to them. Hence, when she was given the chance to decorate her own room, she chose to only illuminate it with night lamps instead of light bulbs. Not only did it make her feel more comfortable, but it also helped save money, especially when there were four people living in that house.

Her closet was right next to the door, and it was fairly messy, to the point where Nova managed to reach for a sweatshirt, without even opening the closet per se.

Oscar had given it to her as a present during her last birthday, and it was in full black. At the back, it had a phrase, written in a very small font: if you can read this, you’re too close.

Nova liked to wear it.

Maybe it wasn’t that adequate in this situation but, on the other hand, Adrian couldn’t even see it and, besides, it was more adequate than a paint-stained white t-shirt, which was what she was wearing underneath it.

Nova’s bed was made most of the time, as she rarely ever used it. It was a twin bed, of course, and she had filled it with cushions and some plushies, because one was never too old for plushies (she even managed to get a teddy bear that looked similar enough to Dolly Bear). On top of the bed, there was also a blanket Nova had been knitting ever since they had moved into this house. It was so long it fell to the floor, on the carpet, and it had several, several types of wool. Sometimes, when she felt sad, mad or stressed, she just knitted and knitted for hours, non-stop, sometimes until she got blisters in her fingers.

Needless to say, she was emotionally attached to that thing and Adrian, since he was her boyfriend, was aware of it, so he always tried to be very careful when he sat on it.

He was being careful even now, as he sat down on the bed, on top of the knitted blanket, and Nova sat on the swivel chair, although not without asking:

“Do you want something from the kitchen? I think Winston made some cookies yesterday. We also have orange juice and...pizza leftovers. The usual. So, do you...want something?”

Staring at her from the bed, through the light, Adrian smiled sideways, as he reached for her hand, lowering his gaze towards the small tattoo she had in her index finger. It was nothing special, just two dots, one next to the other. Each represented one of her parents. Adrian himself had helped her make it, back when Maggie arrived into the house and everyone was having a hard time adjusting.

(Nova had always had weird ways to cope with stress).

“Is there a reason why you’re so quiet?” Nova asked, carefully, knowing that’s what he had asked some time ago, when they finally sat down to talk about everything that had happened the previous weeks to the supernova. Especially, how he had taken her bracelet away in a rather personal way, and how that had hurt her.

They rarely ever talked about it anymore, mostly because Gatlon preferred not to talk about the supernova. Leroy often said that, like the Age of Anarchy, it was an event that had caused collective trauma. When people...people who weren’t the Council, or direct witnesses, that is, tried to talk about the issue, they automatically lowered their volume, though they knew there were no legal repercussions to the mention of the tragedy.

Still, it was delicate, so everyone just chose not to talk about it.

Nova, personally, and after some time of therapy, was open to tell her experience, though she rarely took the initiative to do it. Adrian was the same, more or less.

“Am I quiet?” He asked, his sideways smile widening. Nova tilted her head to the side, scoffing.

“Pretty much.” She confirmed. “And I don’t mean just in this very moment. Is there a reason why you’re pretending I don’t exist? You know...not texting back and such?”

For a moment, he seemed uncomfortable, and it occurred to Nova that, maybe, her tone hadn’t been the right one. Her voice was like that, but she usually managed to manipulate so it would fit in a situation the way she wanted it to.

“...I’m not mad, just so you know, but still, if you want me to know, then...I...I want to know too.” She cleared her throat. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Adrian pushed his glasses up, with the tip of his pinky.

“How are you?” He asked after a while. His voice sounded delicate, almost weak, and thin as a thread.

For a second, Nova didn’t understand.

“I’m...good. How are you?”

He laughed in response, but it wasn’t a genuine laugh. Nova knew him well enough to know that had been a nervous chuckle.

“No, I mean…” He coughed. “Thunderbird hit you pretty hard when she...when you were…”

“Oh! Yes!” Nova felt immediately stupid, so she chuckled a little too, before pulling up one of her sleeves.

Adrian’s eyes widened.

The massive bruise was getting better, but it was still there, and it still hurt to the touch. Besides, obviously, it wasn’t only in her arm, but also in her entire side, before it abruptly ended in her thigh. She wasn’t going to show that to Adrian, because one couldn’t just start getting undressed in a serious situation. He was good with just watching her arm which, on its own, was already making him uneasy for some reason. “For some reason”, she said, because this wasn’t the worst wound he had seen on her skin. These were just bruises. There wasn’t blood or anything.

“It’s getting better.” She said. “A few days ago, I couldn’t even move, but now I don’t feel as sore. Winston and Leroy brought an ointment for me, and…”

She wasn’t yet finished, when she noticed Adrian was already taking out his marker, which he usually carried in his pocket, getting it closer and closer to the bruise, to which Nova flinched, taking it out of his reach.

“Easy there.” She said, smiling and arching an eyebrow. “It’s not necessary. It's healing on its own just fine.”

“Don’t fight it, Nova.”

“Adrian, it’s fine. I’m okay. I’m doing okay. Don’t wo--”

“You’re not doing okay. You have a bruise.”

“Duh! But it’s healing. It’s fine.” Nova grabbed her own wrist, tying to get her arm out of Adrian’s reach. The bruise burned.

“It’s not fine, Nova!”

“Chill, Adrian! Chill! What’s gotten into..?!”

“IT’S NOT FINE, NOVA!”

“Why are you screaming?!”

“IT’S NOT FINE!”

The marker wasn’t directed towards her. First, because she knew Adrian would never. And, second, because she could tell it wasn’t particularly aimed at anyone or anything. Still, he threw it anyway. And given that, for some reason, Adrian appeared to be pretty distraught, letting his marker fall didn’t feel fair. Hence, Nova tried to catch it, but the chair was sort of stretchy so, in the moment she leaned backwards, it looked like she was falling.

Gasping, Adrian grabbed her by the left wrist, very tight, to the point Nova almost felt he was going to get that bruised too.

The marker fell to the floor, on Nova’s knitted blanket, and she just stared at it, while Adrian stared at her, not letting go of her hand.

Silence fell among them, as the sense of overwhelming confusion surrounded them, making them feel like they knew nothing, or that they were meeting for the first time, or that, simply, they weren’t on the same page.

As the marker laid on the floor, Adrian gulped, and finally let go of her.

“I...I think it’s not the time. I should go. I should just…”

“No.” This time, Nova was the one who grabbed him by the wrist, trying to be gentle, but also firm. “Stay. Please.”

Once again, Adrian’s eyes found Nova. He looked lost, almost like a small child, and where Nova had asked for a favor...kind of like a request, he had heard a command for some reason.

He didn’t move, but Nova did.

After picking up the marker, she moved towards the bed, sitting cross-legged, feeling the cushions behind her.

She placed the marker between them, but Adrian didn’t take it. Instead, he kept staring, until Nova took a deep breath and placed a lock of hair behind her ear, straightening her back.

“If you don’t want to tell me, then take your time.” She said. “But we can do something else. We can...paint flower pots with Winston. We could try to go on a date. Watch a movie. Nap for two days…”

That one last line was meant to be delivered as a joke, but Adrian didn’t catch it, and if he did, it wasn’t funny enough to get a reaction from him.

Sighing, Nova filled her cheeks with air, and then let it go, trumpeting with her mouth, and grabbing her own ankles, as she turned away, staring at the ajar closet.

“Nova?”

Upon hearing her name, Nova became alert, just nodding, so he knew he could go ahead, which he did after a while.

“I know it wasn’t your fault.”

“What are you talking about, Adrian?” She asked in a soothing voice, to which Adrian fidgeted with his own fingers, suddenly incapable to look her in the eye.

He was frozen.

And he couldn’t.

“When...when you were falling...when you were falling from that roof…” Adrian squirmed, frowning, and massaging the bridge of his nose. Hesitating. Maybe scared. Maybe a little confused.

Nova waited for him.

“When you were falling from that roof, before Thunderbird caught you… before we realized you were okay...before… before...before everything was okay.” He gulped, still not being able to look her in the eye.

“...It’s like…” he scratched his own arm. “...It’s like I almost saw her.”

Her.

Her, wh… ?

Something clicked inside of her brain, and all the dots connected with each other.

Suddenly, Nova remembered the one who had fallen from the roof, and taken half of the world with her in the process.

Georgia Rawles’ ghost was hanging from the sky, but not this one; she was hanging from another sky, perhaps the same one Nova’s parents were, and nobody could see her, nor hear her.

Nevertheless, they could feel her. And her absence stabbed the ones who had loved her in the stomach, perforating their insides.

Choking down a gasp, Nova took her hands to her mouth, remembering how she, too, had fallen from a roof, and for a second she saw nothing but Adrian knelt down on the floor, clinging on his dad.

“Adrian.” She whispered, in a suffocated voice. “Adrian, I’m sorry, I…”

She stared into his eyes once again. They were shiny as crystal, and red as blood.

Maybe it was time to stop talking and do something instead.

So, gulping, Nova reached for him, and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight and being corresponded. After a couple of seconds, Nova’s arms started to get a little tired, and the pain came back to her, but she didn’t let go. On the contrary, she just changed the position of her arms, putting her arms beneath his’ , and resting her chin on his shoulder.

For his part, Adrian kissed one side of her head, and Nova felt his breathing between her hair. Then, she felt his fingers, tenderly caressing her scalp.

His body became tense, and his heart started beating fast, for Nova could feel it in her own chest, and in her entire body.

As Adrian shivered, Nova made sure he knew she understood, and rubbed the tip of her nose against the fabric of his shirt.

“I’m here.” She reminded him.

“I know.” He said, in a broken voice. That, for some reason, made Nova feel some sort of relief, and she hoped Adrian knew how much she meant it.

Because she did. A whole lot, in fact.

“...I know it wasn’t your fault...” He said, once they had separated, and he had wiped the tears from his eyes.

Nova held his hand, and her bracelet shone under the soft lights.

“...I know it wasn’t her fault either.” Chills ran down Nova’s spine. “It’s not her fault she died...and sometimes I wonder if she knows that. That it wasn’t her fault. That I know she wanted to stay. That I know she loved me. That I know I miss her and that I…”

Adrian cut himself off.

“That I’m sorry.”

Nova resisted the urge to ask him how therapy was going, because she knew having intrusive thoughts didn’t necessarily mean therapy wasn’t going well. Still, she held his hand tighter, and gulped.

“I’ve heard many things about your mom.” She said, smiling sideways. “And I didn’t get to personally meet her, but I trust she loved you very much. Raising a child...while trying to take down a government...that is badass, Adrian.”

She gulped.

“... And if she was willing to do that for you...then I’m sure she knows.”

Adrian shivered again, visibly, and as tears started rolling down his face again, Nova placed her hands on his cheeks, wiping some of them away.

“And I’m sure she knows it wasn’t your fault, too.”

Adrian hiccuped, pressing Nova’s hand against his skin, calm.

“...When do you learn to see in the dark, Nova?” He asked in a low voice.

And for some reason, the answer was clear from the first second, as she, staring directly into his eyes, said:

“You don’t.”

Because she knew.

“...What you do learn, it’s to walk by the ones who have an excellent night vision and are willing to help you through, and you also learn to follow the voice of those who aren’t here anymore.”

Nova gulped.

“Your dads, Max, Danna, Oscar, Ruby… and me. We’re all here… maybe she’s also still here, somewhere up there, in the universe.”

By feeling him right there with her, Nova felt that they really were.

That they were.

And that they could.

Adrian smiled sideways, and when they laid next to the other to nap for two days, and Nova made sure they both knew they could use the blanket if they wanted to, she asked:

“Remember when you said that maybe you wanted me to be your nightmare?”

“I remember.” Adrian rested his head on his own arm. His eyes were still shiny for the tears, and they were very brown and very beautiful.

“I don’t want to be.” She said, slowly. “Let’s not be each other’s nightmare, okay?”

“Then what should we be?” He asked, scoffing a little.

Nova thought about it for a while. Then, she kissed him. A small kiss, that felt as if the other were a safe, warm space.

“Light.” She said.

“Let’s walk together through the dark, so we don’t fall.”

And for a while, the world was theirs.

Then, Maggie came to knock on the door, saying Leroy wanted them to take the car and go buy food, knowing Adrian would stay for dinner.

[ateezmakemeweep]

richboy!seonghwa (part 29)

word count: 5k

fluff

(part 28) (series masterlist)

“look, all i’m saying is apple boy is a lot better,” hongjoong says, picking at a piece of cotton candy and shoving it into his mouth.

“it’s literally not but okay.”

“it honestly is! i have to agree,” san concurs, nodding his head as he nods toward hongjoong. 

“it’s not even a real fuckin’ name! tell me then, what is so wrong about j-”

“hey! give me some of that!” wooyoung screeches, attempting to grab the blue sugar from his friend. this leads to a chorus of shouts and shoves, wooyoung and san crashing into one another as hongjoong flicks them both in the forehead, another pair of eyes watching them in amusement.

because even though he could never stand them, he finds it incredibly funny to witness now. 

you also can’t help but watch the boys argue back and forth, the entire day a cycle of fighting and bickering followed by a fleeting moment of peace. but then the smallest of things always sets them off again, the chaos of these four teenage boys something you’ll never get used to. 

yeosang’s snort pulls your gaze away, looking over at him to see his eyebrow raised and a smile pulling at his lips. “aren’t you glad we decided to come?” 

“you guys have to come!” wooyoung whined that thursday afternoon, leant against the locker next to yours after school. 

“woo, there’s a month of school left. this isn’t the best time to go take off for the weekend and-”

“that’s what makes it the best time! we deserve the break!” he insists, grabbing onto your shirt and pulling at it like a child. “pleaseeeee.” you let out a sigh, sneering when you see the ridiculous pout on his face. 

“stop doing that.”

“then come,” he whines, “we’re leaving friday night and we’ll be back sunday afternoon.”

“it’s not even nice enough for the beach.”

“okay but we’re not going in the ocean! and there’s a fair going on. i’ll win you a prize.”

“oh, well if you win me a teddy bear...” you quip sarcastically, smirking when you hear him groan next to you and stomp his foot. 

“y/n! c’mon! don’t be such a fucking square. let’s set the scene,” he says, throwing his arm around you and dramatically extending his hand. “the beach at sunset. you and yeosang are at the top of the ferris wheel, he leans over slowly and-”

“i’m literally gonna throw up on you.”

“she’s full of shit, she’d love that,” you hear a familiar voice interrupt  turning around to see mingi and yunho making their way towards you both. you narrow your eyes at the redhead, smacking his stomach lightly causing him to smirk. 

“you two! perfect!” wooyoung says, his loud excitable voice piercing your ears. “we’re going on a trip to the beach this weekend, there’s a cute little fair and we’re all going, you guys included. now convince this boring little shit and i’ll see you guys tomorrow after school.”

you reach out to smack him but he gets away with a loud chuckle, taking off down the hallway as you roll your eyes at him. “he’s so annoying.”

"you said it, not me,” mingi mutters, yunho smirking as he bumps his shoulder into the boy. “shh,” he reprimands, his eyes soft and full of amusement as he looks at mingi before training his eyes on you. 

“so, the beach?” the boys asks, craning his neck to the side. “why are you being a...square, did he say?” you let out a groan as you slam your locker shut, spinning around as you look up at two giant boys. 

“because we’re almost done! would the best time to take off really be now, when all of our college acceptances are coming in and we’re still deciding on what to do and how to pay and how to tell our parents, hey, maybe i wanna go to school with my boyfriend two hours away who you still don’t really know about.”

“shit, are we living the same life, y/n?” mingi asks, a low chuckle leaving yunho as he shakes his head with a growing smile. 

and at first, you don’t even realize the implications of what mingi had just said, simply narrowing your eyes at his teasing tone and smacking him in the stomach. 

“i’m serious, mingi! so i really don’t think a beach get away is the most important-” and then like something finally registers in your brain, the words die in your throat and you stare wide-eyed at the two boys. “wait....boyfriend!?” you whisper yell, a bright smile on your face as you smack a hand to your mouth. 

“are you two finally....” you look from mingi’s face looking at you blankly to a pink-faced yunho barely being able to contain his smile before you jump up and down and clap. “oh my gosh!” you squeal, running right into the boys and wrapping them in a group hug. yunho laughs as he wraps his arm around you, mingi letting out an annoyed huff but patting you on the head nonetheless.

“i knew it! i KNEW it! and i wasn’t gonna be nosy in case you guys didn’t feel comfortable sharing yet but shit did i KNOW it!” you squeal, poking their chests and completely unable to wipe the smile off your face. because you knew from the second you introduced these two boys that something was gonna happen between them. 

in the way mingi dropped his guard so quickly, how yunho’s happy and welcoming presence is just able to break through anyone no matter how grumpy they are. how you saw overtime their gazes grow softer and fonder, their arms brushing ever so slightly and how they not so secretly would hang out one on one. 

“oh shut up,” mingi says, the blush now forming on his face causing you to giggle and poke at his cheek. 

“well what the hell! tell me everything now. who...confessed first?” you whisper the last two words; you had bets on mingi, as shy and bashful as the boy was. 

“you know where the perfect place would be to tell you all of this?” yunho asks, raising his eyebrow playfully as he nudges mingi. “the beach.” your face falls immediately, mouth dropping open as your entire spirit turns visibly dejected. “t-that’s not fair, c’mon!”

mingi and yunho chuckle together, the redhead turning his face slightly into the boy’s shoulder as he does so. “you have time for all that shit, y/n,” yunho tells you, “relax for just two days and then you’ll be able to handle all of that.” 

and when he sees your face is still contemplative, teeth gnawing at your lip as you let out a sigh, he plays just a little bit dirtier. “c’mon. it’s a realllly cute story.” you narrow your eyes at him, mingi turning back and having the balls to nod in agreement. 

“fine!” you yelp, resisting the urge to stomp your foot as you whip your car key (the new but incredibly used car your parents just bought you three weeks ago) out of your pocket. “but using your love story against me is dirty and wrong and it better make me fucking weep.”

“like that’ll be hard,” mingi says sarcastically. you scoff at the boy one last time, not being able to help but notice how happy and relaxed the redhead seems, even in his usual teasing state. how he leans into yunho ever so slightly and how the boy reciprocates immediately. 

so yeah. you have no choice. you have to go.

it’s why you drive over to yeosang’s immediately, parking your car and running toward the back to enter the pool house  you rip open the unlocked door, the lingering scent of the candle you demanded he get hitting your nostrils as you look around for him. 

“yeosang,” you call out, immediately hearing him say “in here baby.” 

“so i don’t know if wooyoung told you but we’re gonna go to the beach tomorrow and-”

you walk into his room to see a suitcase laid out on his bed, clothes sloppily thrown into it as you look at him with squinted eyes. he chuckles at the expression on your face, walking over and wrapping his arms around your waist immediately. 

“he just called me ten minutes ago,” he mumbles lowly, dipping his mouth to place a kiss on your neck. “said you were still debating.” you wrap your arms around his shoulders, craning your neck to the side as you look up at him.

“and what, you were going with or without me or....?” you tease, narrowing your eyes at him slightly as you nod your head toward the suitcase.

“never, love,” he says, walking the both of you backward until he plops down on the bed. “i knew you’d want to eventually, especially after he said pretty boy and yunho were gonna convince you.”

“mhmm,” you hum, nodding your head at him skeptically as you jump up to straddle him.

“and if they didn’t, i was gonna,” he says lowly. 

you giggle at the change in his voice, pursing your lips to the side as you look at him sarcastically. “really?” you say, voice raising as you feel your skin warm. “and how were you planning on doing that?”

and then the telling smirk on his face makes you realize the qualms you had about going were all gonna dissipate. because he gives you the subtlest of winks before grabbing your hips and throwing you down on the mattress. his body hovers over yours as he takes your lips in a kiss, both turning into a smile before they trail further down your body. 

“i’ll show you,” he mumbles against your skin, a laugh threatening to bubble from your mouth before air quickly catches in your throat. 

“ecstatic,” you say, a smile threatening to pull at your lips because, even with the boy’s usual absurd behavior, it’s been fun. 

you guys arrived last night and immediately went down to the beach, dipping your feet in the freezing water and laying out on the cold sand. the ride up had been just as chaotic as you’d expect, all of you loaded into the very aesthetic van san had bought, just because he could.

but even as chaotic and headache-inducing as it was, it was fun. loud music blaring and the wind whipping through the open windows as you all laid out on the seats together, your feet propped up on the little table before yeosang picked you up and placed you on his lap. 

“y/n! yeosang! what do you think?” you hear wooyoung ask, your face twisting into a grimace as you and your boyfriend turn around to look at them. “what should we call him? apple boy or jongho?”

“well his name is jongho, so...” you say, smiling sympathetically at the boy who was a new transfer student just two weeks after seonghwa’s departure. 

the boys could believe it really, seeing someone who was their arch enemy from their rival school walking the halls one monday morning. they had swarmed around the boy in an instant, hongjoong still very much bitter over the black eye he was given at the ski lodge party.

but somewhere along the way of yelling at him in the hallway and giving him dirty looks, an unlikely friendship had blossomed. and now the boy pushed you out of your spot as the ‘new friend,’ successfully granting him the pleasure of wooyoung and san’s teasing; but hongjoong thrown in that mix now was definitely something unexpected. 

yeosang said it was due to seonghwa’s absence, the boy no longer here to balance out the group’s mix of chaos and tranquility. and honestly, you have to agree. 

“so what!” hongjoong says, “you didn’t see how much this little asshole would use that nonsense skill as a party trick.”

“you still bitter over that black eye you little bitch?” yeosang asks, catching jongho’s eye as they both share a smirk. but before hongjoong can counter, you roll your eyes and drag your boyfriend away from them and toward the closest ride you can find. 

“where we goin’?” he asks, smirking as you drag him away to have him all to yourself. 

you look around at the three options: a ride with about forty people on line, something that looks like a flinging death trap and the ferris wheel. and whether it be fate or wooyoung’s stupid words in the back of your mind, the late afternoon sun causing the sky to be a pretty shade of pink, you link your arm in his and drag him toward the ride. 

“are you trying to kiss me at the top?” he teases as you wait for your cart. you roll your eyes and rip your arm from his, a boyish chuckle leaving his mouth that has your cheeks flaming. 

“maybe i’ll push you off,” you counter, narrowing your eyes at him playfully. he shakes his head, snaking his hand down to yours and intertwining your fingers. 

“i don’t think you will,” he says, leaning down to peck your cheek. 

“oh no?” you quip, trying to resist the smile threatening to take over your face. 

“nope,” he hums, smirking down at you as his eyes soften. “but i think you’re gonna...”

“i’m literally gonna throw up on you,” you hear a mocking voice say, snapping your head to the side to see wooyoung looking at you with a smirk. and if that wasn’t enough, you see mingi and yunho had joined the group again and are also looking at you with their eyebrows raised knowingly. 

“told you she was lying,” you hear the redhead say, about to stomp over and pull his pretty, wavy hair before your cart squeaking open causes yeosang to drag you inside.

you both plop down in the seat and the ride starts moving slowly, inching up further into the air as you look down with your hand clasped in yeosang’s; this was a lot higher than you thought.

“what were they talking about?” your boyfriend asks with a smirk, the expression on his face looking like he already knows. you immediate blurt out “nothing,” causing his smile to widen, sliding over and throwing his arm around you. 

“did you plan this?” he asks lowly, teasingly, like your cheeks aren’t burning at how he’s somehow still able to make your heart quicken and stomach flutter.

“shut up,” you breathe out, wishing you could push him away but far too terrified of how high you guys are. he notices the fear the second you look down, your eyes widening and face grimacing. “shit, we’re high.”

“what’d you expect, baby?” he laughs out, taking your face in his hand to keep you from looking over the edge. “but back to this romantic kiss you planned out...”

“i didn’t plan it out!” you squeal causing another deep chuckle to leave him. he just can’t help but tease you, loving the way you still react so flusteredly and how fast and bright your cheeks flame. “it was just wooyoung’s stupid way to convince me.

“right,” he hums, his voice sarcastic and full of amusement bringing a pout to your lips. 

“you’re always so mean,” you whine, smacking him lightly. but he ignores your harsh words and actions and brings further into him, your head resting on his chest as you rise higher and higher in the pink sky. his hand absentmindedly runs through your hair as he looks down at you, feeling his chest expand the way it always does when he watches you.

it occurred to him after seonghwa left that that very well could’ve been him. traveling off to another country after many unfortunate circumstances drove him away. because he thinks if you went with the obvious choice of seonghwa, if you saw past your natural connection and chemistry together and went with your brain, he would’ve found that he couldn’t handle it either. 

he probably would’ve driven himself mad with alcohol in the lonely darkness of his little house, thinking about all the what ifs and possible scenarios he knows seonghwa had probably been going over in his head as well. because it’s hard not to, when you meet someone and feel something for them without any real explanation. 

but he knew after the night he confessed his trauma to you, something he hadn’t uttered a word to anyone about, that you were gonna be special to him. whether you chose him or not, he confessed his feelings or not, you were gonna impact him. it’s something he still feels sorry for at times, any time he facetimes seonghwa and sees that unfamiliar background of his parisian loft. 

but it makes him feel better to see and hear that his friend is doing well, that he’s getting along with his parents and they’re making time for family dinners. that he made a group of friends and is genuinely enjoying his time abroad. 

because he knows if that were him, he wouldn’t have been able to handle it. where yeosang was naturally more snippy and blunt, he knew seonghwa was stronger than him. because even though the boy wears his heart on his sleeve and is just too kind for his own good, he handles things well. and he knows he couldn’t have handled this situation with the grace that his best friend did.

“i love you,” you suddenly hear yeosang blurt out. 

your head snaps to see the boy watching you closely, his eyes so intensely watching you that you know his mind must’ve been racing. but its these random moments when he says it that always make you smile the most, your eyes softening and heart fluttering at him. 

“i love you,” you say softly, giggling awkwardly because the words still feel so foreign falling from your lips. he kisses the side of your head and you snuggle your head further into him, the both of you humming contently before you realize you’ve been stopped at the top.

“holyshit,” you say suddenly, “you planned that, you sap!”

“what?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at you as his lips turn into an uncontrollable smile. “no i didn’t.”

“oh? so you just happened to the get the urge to tell me you love me at this very moment?”

“yes,” he says simply. “because unlike some people, i don’t plan out these moments like a little weirdo.”

“a little weirdo?” you laugh out, “are you kidding me? you just drop the sweetest l bomb and then you call me a little-”

his hand snakes under your chin to bring you in closer, lips meeting in a kiss that quickly halts your words. you smile into it, putting your hand to his cheek as you deepen the kiss. and curse the boys below that start whooping and cheering, rendering you even more red when you get off the ride. 

“don’t say a word,” you say through clenched teeth as you pass wooyoung. “wasn’t gonna,” he counters, linking his arm with yours and guiding you toward a game where he plans on you winning you the animal he promised.

you guys found out that fireworks start at eleven, so you were quick to scramble down to the beach to get a nice view; you were surprised to find it nearly empty until a harsh wind blows from the sea, causing yeosang and hongjoong to go start a bonfire while you, mingi and yunho watch the three others run off to the ocean to see “who could stand it the longest.” 

“jongho,” you and the boys say in unison, chuckling with one another before you see yunho looking at you carefully. 

“i know that look,” you say quietly, raising your eyebrow at him questioningly.

“what look?”

“the look you get when you’re about to ask me if i’m okay.”

“he does have a look, doesn’t he,” mingi says lowly, your head nodding in agreement as yunho lets out a huff.

“anyway,” he says, pinching the redhead’s arm before he pulls the boy into him. “with the stuff you were worrying about before. why haven’t you told your parents about yeosang yet?” 

you let out a sigh as you shrug your shoulders, looking over to see hongjoong and your boyfriend throwing middle fingers up at the three boys frockling in the ocean. “i don’t know, there was just never a good time really.”

“well they should probably meet just once before you go off to college together,” mingi says.

“i know,” you laugh out slightly. “and like i’m not worried about them not liking him. i just...i don’t know if i can do it to them, i’m- i’m sad to leave them.”

“they’re not gonna want you to stay because of them,” yunho says softly. “because you wanna go away, right?” you look to yeosang who catches your eye and smiles softly, moving his finger between yunho and mingi before throwing his thumb up. you giggle and bite your lip to hide your smile, training your eyes back to the boys who are looking at you with a mix of fondness and amusement. 

“yeah,” you say quietly. 

you guys both had applied to colleges in the city, figuring you could rent an apartment (in both your price ranges) smack in the middle of your two schools. 

the idea of sharing a space was appealing to you, decorating it and coming home to him after a long day of classes and work. waking up to him on the weekends and occasionally neglecting your responsibilities on a rainy day to cuddle on the couch and eat take out. 

“yeah,” you say again, a smile you know is stupid and lovesick on your face. “i do. i wanna go away with him.”

“then work on telling them, little one,” yunho says. you smile softly at the term, nodding your head before you look at both of them. 

“how ‘bout you guys? what are you gonna do?”

you see mingi bite his lip and look at yunho, the boy’s eyes meeting his and it almost feels like you’re intruding on a personal moment. because the softness in their eyes is so intimate and sweet, you don’t think you’ve ever seen anything like it before; you truthfully have to contain a squeal. 

a squeal like the loud, ear-piercing one you hear coming from behind you, wooyoung and san running toward yeosang and hongjoong just as the roaring fire starts. 

“oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” one of them yelps while the other one repeats “cold, cold, cold.” jongho’s laugh can be heard echoing through the salty air, your neck craning back to throw him a thumbs up.

you turn back to see mingi still gnawing at his lip and you place a hand on his knee, sending him a small smile as you rub your thumb over his pants. “it’s okay. we can talk later, yeah?” 

you rise to your feet when the boy nods at you, licking at your lips and deciding to give them a moment to themselves. and as you walk away, you hear yunho’s deep but softened voice tell mingi “we’re gonna figure it out, okay?”

yeosang sees the frown on your face as you make your way toward him, plopping down next to him on the sand and resting your head on his shoulder. “what happened?” he asks lowly in your ear. you shake your head, looking up at him with a small smile, “nothing,” you assure. 

he narrows his eyes at you, looking over your face to see if you’re lying. you roll your eyes, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “i’m serious,” you tell him softly, “everything’s okay.” he hums before deeming your words the truth, placing a kiss to your head before wrapping his arm around you. 

you listen quietly to the boys talk to each other, hongjoong saying that seonghwa is gonna facetime them in a little bit. you’ve only talked to the boy a few times since he’s left, a few hours after his flight had landed to make sure he was okay and then every now and then when yeosang or the other boys were video chatting him.

he always seemed happy and carefree, laughing with the boys and telling them all about his new school and friends. you had briefly the boy yeonjun who was just as nice as he was handsome, a good friend for seonghwa to have in a new, unfamiliar place. 

yunho and mingi make their way over and you relax a bit seeing mingi smile at you, the boy appearing less anxious and at ease. the eight of you chat until hongjoong’s phone blares, san and wooyoung shooting up excitedly. 

“seonghwaaaaa!” they cheer the second the connecting tone of the phone is heard, his deep chuckle ringing through the speaker. “hey guys!” hongjoong pushes the excited boys out of his ear, flipping the camera so he can see you, yeosang, mingi and yunho around the fire. 

“hey hwa,” yeosang says, your hand coming up to wave. “hi seonghwa.”

“hey guys. hi yunho. mingi,” seonghwa says and the smile in his voice when he says the last boy’s name is obvious. the chorus of hi’s coming from the couple are quickly drowned out by the first pop of fireworks, a gasp escaping you immediately. 

you all turn around and crane your necks up at the sky, watching excitedly as the darkness lights up with sparks of bright colors. you shimmy until you’re under yeosang’s arms, curled up next to him as your head rests on his shoulder.  he places a kiss to your head as he smiles, watching as your face lights up at a particularly large array of colors. 

and that’s when he realized he definitely wouldn’t have been strong enough to be without you. because he can’t remember how his chest felt before you but he has to imagine it was a feeling of emptiness. a lonely coldness that he hopes to never experience again. 

the show was quick and fleeting but enjoyable nonetheless, everyone turning their attention back to the fire and seonghwa on facetime. “so hwa, how’s school?” hongjoong asks, “you almost done?” and before the boy can answer, san shouts, “where’s yeonjun?”

“hey san,” the boy’s voice says, the camera panning to the blue-haired boy who smiles and waves at them. the boys chat quietly amongst themselves, yeosang kissing you on the head before going over to talk to his friend before he has to go. 

you smile as you listen to them talk and tease the way they’ve always done, happy to see that the distance has done nothing to lessen the boy’s connection and friendship. they still communicate everyday and have that natural banter that comes with being friends for so long. 

“no offense but i hope when we go away, we can-”

you look over to see mingi leaning back into yunho’s large frame, the six foot redhead somehow managing to look small in the boy’s hold. your lips quirk out as you contain the squeal desperate to leave you, your eyes lighting up obvious even in the dark night; they are just so cute, you can’t stand it. how are you not supposed to-

“don’t squeal,” mingi begs, his voice desperate and quiet.

“now why would i do that?” you ask, voice cracking as your resolve is quickly fading away. the boy raises an eyebrow as yunho laughs into his hair, his lips brushing the soft red locks and a tiny noise leaves your mouth as you cover your cheeks with your hands.

“you guys!” you whisper-yell at them.

“y/n,” mingi whines, feeling himself grow pink as he pushes further back into yunho who’s only laughing at his boyfriend’s shyness. 

“i’m sorry, mingi, okay, i’m just so happy for you guys,” you say with a pout. “i promise i’ll get used to it. one day. when i’m sixty and finally over your sweet pure love.”

“jesus christ,” mingi grumbles, another deep chuckle leaving yunho before you, yourself, are pulled back into yeosang. “leave them alone,” he says lowly in your ear, his breath tickling your skin causing you to giggle. 

and yeosang must look up because you see mingi’s face change ever so slightly, like he’s nervous about being seen with his guard down and vulnerable. but it’s something he’s getting better at and working toward, if the way he doesn’t pull away from yunho proves anything.

but he’s never known what to completely make of yeosang, unsure of just how the boy is gonna respond.

the last thing he expects, however, is the soft smile to cover his face looking at him and yunho. “cute,” he simply states. “love looks good on you, pretty boy. now maybe you won’t be such a dick.”

“didn’t work for you, probably won’t work for me,” mingi snaps back immediately, yunho biting his lip because he doesn’t know if he’s gonna laugh or reprimand him. 

yeosang lets out a snort, shaking his head as he tightens his hold on your laughing figure. “you’re probably right.” and then the two boys share the smallest of smiles together that you never would’ve thought possible, thinking back to that day in the library. 

“hey, asshole, you could’ve killed me, don’t you understand,” he growls and mingi turns around to face him, staring down at him completely unamused as he blocks you from yeosang’s view.

“don’t you understand that i don’t care,” mingi says, taking one step closer to the smaller boy, “you were being an asshole and you should apologize.”

a bitter laugh leaves the boy, eyeing mingi up and down in shock.

“you’re kidding! i should apologize when you nearly cracked my skull? you’ve got fucking balls, i’ll give you that,” yeosang says and now it’s his turn to take one step closer.

“i only did that because you were being a dick,” he replies calmly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“seonghwa’s leaving,” hongjoong says, flipping the camera on you guys as the four of you wave. “bye guys,” seonghwa says cheerfully, yeonjun’s voice saying “bye!” getting cut off when he ends the call.

the eight of you chat around the fire for a few moments before wooyoung disappears, coming back with a box of graham crackers, chocolate and marshmallows. “who wants to make s’mores?” he sing-songs.

you and mingi immediately perk up out of your designated chests, smiling as you wiggle toward the fire. 

“where did you even get that?” yeosang asks in amusement, watching as wooyoung goes one step further and hands out skewers. 

“don’t worry about it,” he cryptically responds. but no one seems to have a problem with it because everyone eagerly gathers around, roasting marshmallows and making s’mores on the beach.

and while you were hesitant about this little impromptu trip, it turned out to be just what you all needed. getting away from the stress of college planning and nights of overthinking in exchange for s’mores and fireworks on the cold beach. 

because before you know it, you’ll all be graduating. and then summer will pass by in a flash and you’ll go your separate ways, with only the memories of this trip (and many others) until you can see each other again.

“apple boy, give me another,” san says, who is then promptly met with a marshmallow to the eye. and in the typical fashion, the moment of calmness is quickly turned into a chaotic mess of bickering and flying food. 

(part 30)

[holeinotomemind]

MLQC Fanfic: Hearts of Storm - Ch 1 - A New Mission

WARNING: NSFW/18+ fic. No smut in this chapter, but eventual smut, dub/non-con, eventual 3P, spoilers, long dragged out fic and angst. Not morally correct. Turn away if this is not your thing. Pairing: Shaw x MC, Gavin x MC, Shaw x MC x Gavin AO3 Link: [here] Summary: Thrust into a world where her friends no longer remembered her, Yui must navigate the familiar yet foreign Loveland City while she battles her sorrows of not having Gavin by her side. As the only person who remembers her, the bratty Shaw forced his way into her heart, becoming the light in her seemingly endless darkness. But when Gavin regains his memories of her, how must she face him with her newfound feelings for Shaw? Will things returning to normal thrust her life into even more chaos? Notes: [See full notes on AO3] Special thanks to Lutz, Sonicaj and Kinako for beta-ing. EXTREME SPOILER ALERT. Follows some canon events, but order and duration are changed and rearranged.

She followed him again today. Yui had been abusing her premonition evol these days, making accidental brushes against strangers whenever she can.

She would bump into as many passengers on the bus as she could without causing a scene, brushed her hand against the coffee shop staff as he handed her the coffee, even went out of her way to pet every dog in the park that would allow her to do so without biting her hand off.

She was being obsessive, she knew that. But that was the only way.

The only way she could try to catch a glimpse of him. Of her Gavin.

Each and every time she touched someone, there was a chance for her to see a vision. And for every vision she saw, there was a chance for it to involve the military.

And every time the military was involved, there was a chance that Gavin would be there, so she could go and try to catch a glimpse of him.

She didn't care if what she was doing was unethical, if every single vision she saw weighed on her soul, if arriving at every single possible incident meant risking her life. If she could see him, even for one single second, it would be worth it, even if he never saw her.

In fact, it was probably better if he never saw her. Otherwise, he would definitely have suspected her of being a spy again and he would have treated her the way he did last time.

She couldn't forget how cold his eyes were the last time they met, when he shoved her against the wall and placed those handcuffs on her. She could still remember the feeling of those cold metal digging into the delicate flesh on her skin.

She had never seen him look at her with so little trust in his eyes. Not when he was helping her reach the poetry volumes on the tall library bookshelves during high school and definitely not after they reunited when he transferred back to Loveland City as a police officer.

So, yes. It was for the best that he did not see her. At least that way, she could still imagine.

Imagine nothing had changed. Imagine he was only out on one of those missions where he could not contact her. Imagine that he would show up at her window some time tonight, asking her if she wants to go stargazing with him.

But she knew this illusion wouldn't last long. So far, her visions had only been of sightings of military investigations and other successful operations. But she knew that sooner or later she would see something bad, something preventable and she would have to try to intervene.

And then, she would have to stare into those cold distrustful eyes again. She would be forced to face reality.

The reality of Gavin no longer being hers. The reality of Gavin not knowing her as if she never existed in this dimension.

It hurt to remember how he questioned her intentions towards him. It hurt to tell him that he was her senpai and he barely believed her.

So she tried to forget reality, tried to imagine they were still living in their original dimension, where his eyes lit up every time he saw her. Where he touched her with so much gentleness that it made her want to cry. Where he would blush every time she mustered up the courage to tell him how much she loved him.

She knew she was being willfully in denial, but if that could stop the hurt in her chest for just one minute, she would gladly do so.

Yui turned her head up to the sky as she heard the sound of the blade of a helicopter closing in. Her hands pressed against the shop window of the cafe where she had been sitting in for the last three hours, waiting for this very moment.

As the noise grew louder and louder, the military chopper came into view. She held her breath, eyes glued to it as it hovered over the park a block away from the coffee shop.

The door slid open and a tall figure in dark military uniform came into view. His brown hair flying every which direction as the strong wind blew around him.

She watched as he quickly surveyed the ground, preparing to jump out of the helicopter.

Yui opened her mouth to silently mutter, "You look well today. Stay safe, Gavin. I miss you." And for that brief moment, her heart stopped aching.

He was gone from her line of sight the next moment, having jumped out and began to fly towards his destination.

She sat back in her chair, closed her eyes and convinced herself that was enough. Enough to support her through the next few days or weeks without spiraling into the endless abyss in her mind that was constantly threatening to drag her in ever since she came to this dimension.

She could now function until the next time she saw him again. And she was determined to function through this. Too much was at stake otherwise.

Black Swan was still scheming to turn everyone into an evolver, while non-evolvers were banding together to wage war against those with evol abilities.

She could not afford to sit back and wither away while watching the world fall apart. She had come too far to give up now, regardless of how much she wanted to curl up in a ball at the loss of everything and everyone important in her life.

It was the least she could do, when Gavin worked so hard to protect everyone, whether in this dimension or the last.

The buzzing sound of her phone brought her back from her thoughts.

"Hello, Shaw." She answered the phone without even glancing at the caller ID. After all, there was only one person left in this world now who would call her.

"You got the file?" Shaw yelled over the phone, the background noisy as usual.

Yui plugged one ear with a finger and pressed the phone closer to her other while turning up the volume. He must be at Live House with a live concert going on. She could hear loud music playing in the background and people cheering. Before she met Shaw, she always thought these live shows only played at night, but she was wrong. Apparently, they played whenever they wanted to.

"Yes. Where do you need me to go this time?" She asked with a voice loud enough for him to hear, but quiet enough that people from the cafe wouldn't be disturbed.

"Getting efficient, huh?" He said with a voice that was obvious he was smirking on the other side. "The amusement park."

She froze. She was ready to work, to gather intel for Shaw, hoping it would get her mind off of her current situation, even for a tiny little bit. But she didn't expect it to be at the amusement park of all places.

"What? Cat got your tongue?" He asked when she didn't reply.

"Does it…" She hesitated, not wanting to give Shaw the opportunity to learn more of her weakness, but she didn't know if she had it in her to go there. "Does it have to be the amusement park?"

"You think intel goes wherever you want it to go?"

She clutched her fist and sighed. He was right. The file he sent clearly indicated that someone was planning an attack. If SHAW said she could gather information at that location to prevent it, the suspects must have left a trail there and not somewhere else. After all, SHAW had never pointed her to the wrong location yet.

But she'd rather go anywhere but there. Send her to the headquarters of Black Swan for all she cared, just not the amusement park.

"Fine. You got me interested. What don't you like about the amusement park?" He usually didn't seem to care about what she does or does not want, but this intrigued him.

"Nevermind. I'll go. I don't want to talk about it." Her voice flat. She didn't want him to ask any further. She would rather face the pain herself than to expose more of her weakness to him. "Besides, you were going to have me go regardless, no?"

"You're no fun." He tutted at her. He paused for a second before resuming with a voice deeper than usual. "I bet it's because of him. You guys probably went on stupid lovey-dovey dates there and so you don't want to go back when he's not with you."

SHAW’s guess was dangerously close to hitting a bull’s eye.

She and Gavin did go on a date at the amusement park, but he was so stupid and so unromantic that he ended up talking on the phone the whole time they were on the Ferris Wheel. She got so upset with him she didn't even want to talk to him. Of course, they made up in the end, but that now-cute memory, as much as it pained her to remember, wasn't the one she was most afraid of reliving.

It was the wedding shoot. Gavin and her stood in for the 100th couple who backed out of the shoot last minute. Although they weren't truly getting married, the memory of her in the wedding gown standing beside Gavin in his blue striped suit, telling each other they were the only ones they ever wanted to be partners with in a wedding whether real or fake was too much for her to bear. It reminded her too much of what might never be if she wasn’t able to fix the situation of her not existing in anyone’s memories in this dimension.

Having to be back at the location that would force her to relive this memory, she wasn't sure if she could keep herself together let alone complete the mission.

But this was private. A memory she wanted to hold so dear that she did not want to discuss with anyone in fear of losing it just like how she lost everything else. It was an irrational fear, of course.

But with so much going on, she felt the need to allow herself to be irrational on this one thing.

She kept her silence, having already said what she wanted to say on the matter.

"Doesn't matter," he finally said, seemingly irritated by her silence. "You start tomorrow."

The line went dead. He hung up on her.

Loud thunder cracked through the air. She jumped at the sound and wondered why the weather was so strange in this dimension. It was a bright sunny day outside.

Yui shook her head and thought of SHAW again.

She didn't understand him. On the outside, he seemed like any other 20 year old little brat, without a care in the world and yet he was doing all these things to gather information and even had Black Swan and evol agents from the STF going after him. He even had connections to make fake identities that would pass most government checks for her. All signs pointed to him being a big player in these schemes everyone seemed to be weaving.

However, his attitude were also too laissez-faire, too chaotic. He wasn't like anyone she had known.

He was a leader, much like Victor, but unlike Victor who always had a clear destination, he may lead you in a wild goose chase for his own amusement.

He played, much like Kiro, but unlike Kiro who was like sunshine and puppies, he plays with you like a cat would a mouse.

He was mysterious, much like Lucien, but unlike Lucien who would always plan five steps ahead in everything, he seemed only to have an end goal in mind, making things up as they unfold.

And he was nothing like Gavin. In fact, other than his eye color, his jawline and the fact that they were both amazing bass players, he was the total opposite of Gavin. Where Gavin was gentle, SHAW was rough. Where Gavin always strive to do the right thing for the greater good, SHAW seemed to only do things for his own benefit.

But it didn’t matter what kind of person SHAW was or what his goals were. In this partnership, Yui and SHAW took what they needed from each other, that was it. Nothing more and nothing less.

Placing her cell phone in her pocket, she gently touched the ginkgo bracelet on her wrist before she stood up and walked out of the coffee shop. As cold air rushed at her face, she adjusted her winter jacket and pulled the hood over her head.

She had one night to steel herself from the emotional onslaught that was sure to come during the next few days. But she had agreed to take on the mission and she would not allow herself to back down or to fail it. She would give it her all, even if it meant ripping the still-open wound in her heart even wider.

Yui stepped forward with stubborn determination in her stride.

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Dragon Dancer: Saving Erii

Erii tilted her head up to gaze in wonder at the towering ferris wheel. It was ablaze with lights that shimmered in colorful bright patterns, flashing, strobing lines, spinning hypnotic circles.

“Akira...” Chisei took the moment to approach him while she stood entranced. “If you’re serious about Erii...”

“I am serious!” He blurted.

“Then tell her the truth.” Chisei interrupted him before he could say more. “If you do then... I’ll let things fall where they will.”

Akira lowered his eyes. He took a deep, halting breath and walked away from him. Erii returned and dragged him off to get in line.

They weren’t the only couple on the ride that night. Some where already kissing in line. Erii broke out her notebook. “Are you going to kiss me again?”

Akira turned away, his head growing hot. ‘I-...If you want.”

She held up her notebook to him but he couldn’t bear to look at it. Her hands grabbed hold of his face. He squeezed his eyes shut.

Her lips pressed against his.

He leaned away, glancing nervously in Chisei’s direction. The man was staring at him, still as a statue. The jaunty carnival music may have well be hundreds of tiny death knells.

Erii waved at Chisei. He smiled a little, turned and walked away.

They got into the Ferris Wheel car and let the ride operator shut and lock it.

It was plush and comfortable. The ride moved to let other people on. Erii looked down on all the people milling about below. She was suddenly serious, contemplative.

Akira racked his brain. How was he even supposed to start this subject anyway?

The ride rose higher. She then took her notebook and started writing. She held it up. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Oh... yeah, I have... something to say too... but you go first!” 

She continued to write. “I’m very, very sick. You don’t know because you’ve never been with me for very long. While we were having fun, I wasn’t taking medicine. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to go back. I wanted to stay out with you.”

“What?! Erii!” 

She looked down, twining her fingers. 

Akira wanted to stop the ride and go down right now! “We need to get home right away!”

She nodded. 

But there was nothing he could do. That’s why she waited until now to tell him. “Don’t... don’t do this again...”

“I’m not sure if we’ll see each other again.” She wrote. “My illness is very advanced.”

Inside, a sudden heaviness weighed on him. “What... no... Erii...”

She took his hand and ran it up and down her bare arm. It didn’t feel like normal skin even though it looked normal. It was rough and pebbly. She picked up her pen. “I knew this would make you sad. I’m sorry I troubled you. For the first time in my life I felt like a normal girl.”

Akira tried to hold back his tears, but he couldn’t. The sobbing rose up in his throat. They forced their way out of his eyes. She patted his back. She didn’t cry.

They’d reached the top. The city of Tokyo spread out before them in an endless sea of lights. She took his hand and traced into his palm. “Pretty.”

“N... not as beautiful as you.” He said, broken. He hated that he was sniffling and falling apart. She raised his chin again. 

“You had something to say too?” She held up the notebook.

He nodded, drawing his sleeve across his eyes. “Yeah. I’m... My name isn’t really Akira.”

She wrote. “Mingfei.”

He nodded. He felt himself coming back slowly, not suddenly, like a flash of lightning, but like the sun coming up after a long night. “Yes... that’s my name. Mingfei... L... Lu... Mingfei.”

“Why did you pretend to be someone else?”

His lips parted. Pain and grief rose in his chest. He backed away from mentally, focusing his mind on her. “It’s... something terrible happened. I have a hard time thinking about it. It was easier just to forget everything.”

She wrote. “I understand. Will you go back home too?”

“Yes. I think... I have to. But I don’t want to leave you.”

She reached over and took his hand and looked into his eyes. She wrote down one more thing. “I always knew this wouldn’t be forever. But we always have memories.”

She suddenly dropped the notebook and pen. Her hand flew to her mouth and a trickle of blood came out from under it. She doubled over.

“Erii!”

---------------

After the two rose into the Ferris Wheel, Chisei took a walk to the bench to wait. His cellphone buzzed. Unknown number? His number wasn’t listed, not even among spammers. He picked it up. 

“Who is this?”

“Johann Chu. Good to hear your voice. Carli was worried you were dead.”

“I need to talk to you about Carli. It’s important. I remember what you two said to each other on the Trieste. I’ve found out a few things about her that you need to know.”

“Her bloodline is very similar to mine, high concentration of dragon purity and stable. Essentially, she’s an emperor hybrid. There’s a man, Herzog, who wants to amass an army of us to take over the world. For that reason, I’ve been tasked with finding Carli and killing her.”

He was silent.

“I know this is hard for you to hear. But you must understand that so long as she’s alive, there’s the potential she’ll be used this way. And if she ever does have children, there’s a fifty percent chance that they will be unstable, violent. They will be unstoppable with our combined genetics. Hundreds of people could die. I don’t think Carli would be capable of killing her own children, when she couldn’t even kill strangers who were unstable. Perhaps you could... but you would have to fight her to do it. I’m not sure you are capable of that either.”

“There’s a chance that Herzog has already produced infants.” Johann replied. “Killing Carli now would be useless.”

“The bloodline must be eliminated. I’ll destroy any and all traces of Herzog’s research after I get rid of him.”

“Do you plan on killing yourself?” He asked.

Chisei chuckled in amazement. He doubted that Johann knew of his origins. The man had a sharp and far-seeing wit that he never failed to appreciate. His logical shot in the dark hit the bull’s eye. “I’ve... thought of it. I’ve experienced what it was like to kill one’s own family. Our bloodlines produce twins. One stable, one violent. My brother, the violent one, seemed normal for a while. But he turned into a serial killer once he reached high school. I... I killed him.”

“It was the hardest thing... and haunts me to this day. I won’t make you do that to her, Johann.”

Johann’s voice was calm and even. “There’s something you don’t know about Carli. What you don’t know is she’s actually the one best equipped to handle her children. What you fear will not happen.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not authorized to disclose it to you. Her secret is only hers to disclose. She’s not with me now, but I can arrange a meeting.”

“Even if this is true, what happens after she dies? Do you think her children, her grandchildren or her great-grandchildren won’t attempt world domination?” Chisei asked. “Ending the bloodline is the best thing to do.”

“Humans have also committed atrocities. If it’s suffering in general you wish to prevent...”

“I’m doing what I can to prevent the rise of a super race of hybrids!” Chisei hissed. “If you’re not with me on this, I understand, but the next time we meet, we will be enemies!”

Silence on the other line.

“I don’t... want to kill her. If its mercy you want, sterilization is also an option.”

“I will talk to her about it. But this is something all of us need to discuss. Together. Talk to her Chisei.”

Chisei’s eyes wandered over as a couple passed him. He massaged his forehead. “Call me back in the morning.”

He hung up. He leaned back and looked up at the stars. If only he could just run away...

After a few minutes, he heard voices and shouting from the ferris wheel. Among them, the frantic cries of Akira. He sprinted to the scene where a small crowd had gathered. “Someone call a medic!” The ride operator cried.

Erii was on her hands and knees, unable to stand. Akira was being accosted by a man who grabbed hold of him, demanding to know what he did to her.

“I didn’t do anything! She’s sick!” He raised his eyes to Chisei. “Aniki!”

Chisei muscled his way through the crowd and picked Erii up off the ground. “We’ve got to get her back to the clinic!”

Erii’s eyes were flickering with yellow light, the pupils widened and contracted. Chisei raced for the fence bordering the amusement park and both he and Akira easily cleared it, landing on the other side.

They spotted a valet waiting next to a convertible, rushed it and leaped into the vehicle. Before the valet could move, Chisei had put Erii in Akira’s lap and screeched away into the parking lot.

“Aniki! I told her!” Akria shouted over the roar of the engine.

“Good!”

“And... I remember my name! Lu Mingfei!”

He held her tight in his lap. “Aniki... I know she’s dying! I know who can save her!”

“What?!”

They careened out of the parking lot and into the street.

“Remember I said I saw someone turn into a dragon servitor before? She survived! Her name is Carli! She can heal Devils!”

Chisei glanced at him with wide eyes, stunned silent. 

“I’ve seen her do it! She can stop the progression of Erii’s disease! We need to find her before its too late!”

Chisei pulled into an alleyway and cut the engine and the lights. He grabbed Mingfei by the arm, pulling him hard towards him. “Is what you say true?” His eyes glittered in the dark. 

“Yes. The first time she came to Japan, she turned servitor. Six months later, we find her and she walking around just fine. She never turned again. Her speaking spirit helped another friend of mine do the same thing. She even saved children from the Hydra asylum and they’re living normal lives now!”

Chisei gaped for a few seconds then his eyes narrowed. “Get out of the car.” 

“What?”

“Erii needs immediate medical attention.” Chisei took out his phone. “I’m sending you a phone number. Call it. Your friends from Cassell will pick you up. Once they do, go back to them.”

“But...”

“I will arrange a meeting with Carli to see if what you say is true. But if its not... then, she’ll have to die. I’m sorry, Mingfei.” Chisei reached around him and opened the door.

“Chisei-”

His former Aniki’s blade was suddenly at his throat. “Consider this my last order to you.”

[margoshansons]

The Killing Kind (11/?)

Part Eleven: 01. 02. 03. 04 .05. 06. 07. 08. 09.10.

Summary: Peter commits a grave mistake and Y/N finally comes clean about her past in hopes of taking down Mysterio.

Warning: Swearing. Angst. 

Notes: Whooohooo! Things are getting started in here! I’m really stoked for this chapter.

“Let’s go get a drink” Quentin offered, throwing Peter off. His hand wrung the teen’s shoulder, but all Peter could focus on was the battered figure in the yellow dress at the edge of the Ferris wheel. 

“I’ll uh, I’ll catch up with you” Peter offered, and Beck followed his eyes to the figure, smiling as he threw a knowing look at Peter. The teen flew over to the Ferris wheel, tucking the address of the bar into his suit before removing his goggles to take a closer look at Y/N. 

“Please no,” Peter pleaded, lifting up the wrist to feel for a pulse. Her watch face was cracked and while she had a pulse, it was racing at several miles a minute. “Please, don’t be dead, don’t be dead, don’t be dead.”

She was breathing but knocked out cold. Peter cradled her in his arms, eyes not flinching from her scarred face. Blood was cracked and dried against her hairline, leaving an awful pattern across the right side of her face. Guilt and panic twisted in his chest. She had gotten hurt and it was his fault. He should’ve been there. He should’ve stopped her. He should’ve protected her. 

She almost died and it was his fault. 

Her features were set in an unfamiliar expression, something he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen her wear. She looked almost...at peace. Eyebrows free from their perpetual creasing, stress lines disappearing as she remained unconscious. 

“We’ll take her back with us” Agent Hill interrupted his reverie. “Get her cleaned up, and then she’ll  be back in the hotel in no time.”

Peter stood up, gingerly handing over his friend over to the Shield Agent. “Take care of her, please.” His voice broke at the word leaving his lips. All he could do was watch as Hill nodded, placing Y/N in the back of the car before retreating from the scene.

She was all he could think about when he went for that drink with Mysterio, casually sipping on the virgin drink he had ordered. Beck was congratulating him, telling him that they did a good job today. But all Peter could focus on was the fact that he had failed. He had failed to protect the city and he had failed to protect Y/N. 

“What do you want Peter?” was all Beck asked.

That was all it took for the gates of his mind to open.  He had been pushing his wants away for so long, would it be so bad if he took a break every once in a while? Would it really be the end of the world if he just left to Paris and continued with his plan? “I want to go to Paris with the girl I like,” Peter confessed, “And take her to the top of the Eiffel Tower and tell her how I feel. And...give her a kiss!”

Beck sent another playful expression toward the teen.

“Shut up man” Peter shoots back, a wide smile on his face growing at the fantasy. That’s all he wanted. Was it so much to ask for? The chance to be a normal kid? When the girl gives him back the glasses, he can almost hear Y/N scolding him for leaving such an important item around. 

“Are--are those the EDITH glasses?” Beck asked, the same awe filling his voice. “They were just on the floor?” Great. So now Quentin is going to take over the scolding role instead. 

After several attempts of trying on the glasses, Peter turns to Beck, seeing the same wide-eyed wonder in his eyes that Y/N had. The same curious look. He offers them to him. He refuses, but Peter is adamant, determined to tell him that he is the one that deserved to carry out Mr. Stark’s legacy. And somewhere in the back of his mind as Beck tries them on Tony reappears. They look too much alike. The same inquisitive gaze, the same face shape. Beck is Tony alive again, and Peter has already made his choice by the time he takes them off. 

“EDITH grant control over to Quentin Beck.”

****

Her head was pounding. She struggled to push herself up on the couch, grasping her side. 

“Hey, hey, you’re okay” Peter’s soft voice wove itself through her ears and panic filled her chest. 

Y/N cast several looks over her shoulder, hoping to find the drone that was projecting this. Her hand went to her neck, expecting the shock collar to still be there. All that remained was bare skin, the faintest scar tracing her throat. She could still feel the electricity pulsing through her, the convulsions her body underwent. The barrel of the gun pointed directly at…

“Tell me something only you would know” She begged, tears threatening to escape her puffy eyes. 

Peter moved back at the request, surprised at her hostile nature. “Um, okay, uh, your favorite flower is--”

“No” Y/N cut off, voice hoarse. “Something real. Something nobody else knows.”

The two sat there, silence between the pair, as her request hung in the air. Peter didn’t know. Y/N didn’t know. What if this was another illusion? What if her dad wanted to extract information out of her in some awful way?

“The night before I blipped” MJ interjected, making her presence known, “You told me your dad was the only person other than Tony Stark who you looked up to. And then when I came back, I knew five years had passed because you hated him more than anyone else.”

Y/N stood up shakily from the couch, facing her much taller friend before collapsing into her embrace. “You’re real” she whispered painfully, “You’re here.”

“Of course I am” MJ murmured, “I would never leave you alone.”

Y/N turned to the group surrounding her, Ned and Peter staring at the pair of friends. “We need to talk, all of us.”

She grasped Peter’s hand, ignoring whatever look MJ was wearing on her face at the moment, pulling them into an adjacent room. The three of them stood there in silence, watching Y/N for further cues. 

She breathed in and out. Ready to admit to the past. Ready to admit to her fucked-up family and her father’s treachery. MJ took her hand in hers and Y/N smiled at the younger girl. Safety washed over her, and she was filled with newfound confidence.

“Mysterio is lying to you” She admitted, letting out a sigh, “There’s no multiverse, no elemental threat, he’s making the whole thing up.” Peter and Ned froze, looks jumping between MJ and Y/N, their nerves spiking. 

“I know you’re Spiderman Peter,” MJ confirmed deadpan, “Hanging out with Y/N only proved it.”

“I’m not, uh, I’m not Spiderman.” Peter objected, determined to not let anyone else in on the secret. 

“Yeah,” Ned defended, “Peter’s not Spiderman, there’s no way he’s that skilled”

“Oh-kay” Peter murmured, slightly insulted. 

Y/N and MJ shared a doubtful look, amused by their attempts to keep the poorly hidden identity secret. 

“So if you’re not Spiderman, then who webbed this down?” MJ asked, pulling one of Beck’s drones from behind her. 

Y/N dropped her arms, her face widening in shock at the appearance of the small device. “How did you find this?” 

MJ shrugged. 

Y/N snatched the device from her friend, eagerly scanning the drone before finding the button she had been looking for. Pressing it, the hologram sprang to life. The storm elemental appeared, terrorizing the small air in front of them, her father jumping in at the last second to save whatever buildings he was going to destroy. 

A smile crossed her face as an idea began to spiral in her brain, adrenaline pulsing through the girl’s veins, pain forgotten. 

“I have an idea,” She replied, running up the marble stairs, the group narrowly falling behind her. Y/N opened the door to her room, tossing the drone on the bed and reaching for her laptop. She set it up on the hotel desk, plugging it into the wall. 

“Peter, I need EDITH” She commanded, opening several programs needed to achieve what she’s reaching for. 

“Wait” MJ interjected, stuttering, “so like, this, this is real? You guys aren’t joking?”

She began to twirl her hair as the anxious ticks she tried so hard to keep hidden decided to show themselves.

“Like Peter is actually Spiderman? You guys are being serious right now?”

Y/N nodded, trying to soothe the girl while she began to run the programs installed on her computer.

“What are you doing?” MJ asked, brows furrowed in confusion.

Ned moved forward, gazing at the programs she was using in awe. “You’re creating a virus” he announced, catching on. 

Y/N smirked at Ned’s wide-eyed stare. 

“Oh, that’s so cool” He continued. “You’re a genius.”

“Of course I am” Y/N agreed nonchalantly, “Peter, did you not hear me? I need EDITH to help find a weak point.”

Peter remained silent.

“Today Peter” Y/N hooked the drone up via Bluetooth to her computer and began coding around the complex software, looking for a weak spot. “Peter?”

She turned around, facing the reluctant hero, noticing his wringing hands, his nervous stare, his panicked eyes. 

“Where’s EDITH?” She asked, afraid she already knew the answer. 

Peter turned from panicked to apologetic, “I’m so sorry--I didn’t know, I gave it to Mysterio, thinking he was--”

Y/N stood up at the revelation, stalking slowly toward the shorter boy. “You gave it to him? Just like that? Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

MJ and Ned slinked back at the sight of an angry Y/N, eyes blazing. 

“He didn’t want to have it, and he just saved the city, so I didn’t think--”

“No that's exactly it Peter” Y/N burst, hands curled in fists, “You don't think! And now one of the most dangerous men in the world became ten times more dangerous because you don’t have any common sense!”

Her raised voice surprised even her, her father’s words ringing in her head. 

You’re exactly like me. 

Breath in five. Hold for six. Breath out seven. 

She retreated back to the chair, turning back to the computer. “It’s a good thing I already downloaded EDITH’s software back on the bus.”

The anger faded slowly, but it faded. 

“What do you mean?” Peter asked, his usually calm voice grating and irritating, especially after today’s events. 

Y/N rolled her eyes, “While you were sleeping I used a recording of your voice to access EDITH, it really is quite easily hackable, especially for a Stark industries project. I was able to connect it to my computer, downloading her essential processes before we landed in Prague.”

Ned and MJ stared at her in confusion, unsure why their friend was so interested in downloading the AI.

Y/N shrugged, “What? I like cool software, plus I really wanted my own JARVIS.” She began to code, opening EDITH’s programs, “I was planning on using it to help me encode my own devices so I was untraceable, I even started it with my phone, but I guess this is a better use of my time.” 

The group was speechless as she stood up from the chair, heading to her suitcase underneath her bed. 

“Don’t worry Ned” She continued, grasping the small thumb drive in her hand, “You’re still the guy in the chair.”

She saw the shorter kid sigh in relief. She strode back, plugging the thumb drive into the computer, ready to download the virus onto the device. “I’m just the genius that’s going to save our asses.”

She continued to program while Peter disappeared to the room beside hers, no doubt grasping his suit. He returned with the black suit he wore earlier, and Y/N was getting close to finding the weak spot. 

“What are you doing?” MJ asked, voicing Y/N’s own thoughts. 

Peter began to strip, and Y/N had to resist the urge to look behind her. “I’m headed to Germany,” he admitted, “Someone has to warn Nick Fury and stop Beck before it’s too late.”

MJ turned back around, nodding in agreement. 

“That doesn’t have to be you though” The words escaped her mouth before she could gain any control over them. She heard Peter freeze and turned around, gulping as she tried to ignore the physique of the boy before her. She pushed the fluttering of butterflies down and met his gaze. 

“I can go. He won’t hurt me”

“You don’t know that.” Peter interrupted, pulling his suit over his legs. 

Y/N stood up, moving closer to the teen. “Yes, I do. Have you not figured it out yet?” She asked softly, praying that he would never have to figure it out. Peter swallowed at her intense gaze, his chest heaving up and down as she moved closer. 

“Mysterio is--”

“Hey, Y/N,” MJ interrupted, “What does this mean?”

Y/N moved back to the computer, EDITH’s code alerting them to another watcher. “It’s him. He knows you know”

When she turned back to face Peter, he was gone, the window of her room open.

Thanks for all your comments! I really appreciate them!

MASTERLIST

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[mynameisdreartblog]

Structural Isomers 2

Leo: 2,3-Dimethylheptane. It’s just… my life is so average that I gotta force myself into others’ situations; how else am I gonna get a thrill? Do you feel me, Viz? <The amusement park ride begins to take off, revealing the mildly broad view of the Guatemalan cityscape. The smell of barbeque holds back the tears Oro was ready to shed because ferris wheels strike a particular emotional nerve for him.> «Uh… my advice is that what you’re doing isn’t necessarily a bad thing. To be philosophical, nothing anyone does is bad.» Even murder and like, murdering children? «Yeah, not even that can constitute you as a bad person. And that’s true ‘cause everyone alive now has come here with a purpose, and those purposes can manifest in many ways in our lives.» <The carriage buckles a bit, enough to make noticeable the snot on Oro’s hand> ...You sound like you’re heading into some wacky territory, but I’ll bite. <Viz takes another bite into the corndog that seemingly materialized from his pocket> «So, because of this highly encoded model of fate, that means that even the worst shit that happens to you happens for a reason.» Even cancer and like, terminal cancer? «Redundant, but yes.» Hmm… <Oro takes a small bite of Viz’s corn dog while he’s distracted> I think there’s some moral holes in that, Viz. «It’s funny ‘cause that isn’t real either!» Okay, you’re just fucking with me now; may Jesus find your lost soul. «Sounds like you can’t see past yourself!» <The carriage buckles again but harder, knocking the corn dog out of Viz’s hand and revealing the loogie Oro was hiding.> So you’re saying that it’s commendable for me to put myself where I don’t belong? «Hold on, I never said that, but… actually, you should just be proud for who you are. Take yourself as you are, and you can then begin to do the same to others. Forget about the idea of souls and deeper selves entirely.» Whatever you say, homie.

Taurus: 3,3-Diethylpentane. «Gresham.» <He peeks his head from washing the dishes to divert attention to the voice that called him> What is it, Sanjay? «Hmm, I was gonna ask you questions about how nonsensical this world is, but my mind immediately shifted to asking you how you got to this point.» This point? Like, the quality of life I possess currently? «What else?» I would’ve preferred to point out the ridiculousness of this whole ordeal, but I understand your shift. Shoot! «Do you think the ways you’ve gotten to where you are now were… unethical?» There’s a lot you’re holding in your mouth when you ask a question like that. As a lover of difficult questions, I won’t answer that until the day’s done. «Uh-» No complaining, or I’ll cut your pay by 30%. <Sanjay thinks to himself> That’s exactly what I wanted to talk to him about: He has to be aware, right? There’s no way his skull is that dense, and his jokes are too clever! <Gresham finishes washing the last remaining plate and slides it atop the rack. Afterwards, he walks back to his usual position in the restaurant and waits for any new service.> [...] <Sanjay flicks his used cigarette from his mouth and onto the elaborate ashtray outdoors. In impatience, he goes back inside and demands the accountability he thinks he deserves> «It’s been three hours and nobody has shown up; you want to start removing that answer’s date back?» <Gresham breaks his inhuman concentration to make a firm statement> Clean up your ashtray first. «Are you teaching me an ecological lesson? Is this some lesson of your Tantra?» No, I’m just conscious about any numbers of fires that could emerge from cigarettes. «Fine.» <As Sanjay begins to go back outside, Gresham speaks again> Trust me, I wish I could escape the clutches of this cast we thrive and suffer under. However, no matter where I go, the world still refers back to where I came from. Is there value in not persisting forwards but backwards? <Sanjay looks back with hesitation, thinks briefly “the Manusmriti?” but scoffs at his datedness> Also, If you walk out, I’ll assume you’re doing terrible things, so don’t. «What about the-» The ashes will know where to go. «Why do you put on this faux mystic attitude? You’re a restaurant owner!»

Aquarius: 2,6-Dimethylheptane. <Aukai finds herself awake in her unsheeted bed, further disorganized beyond possibility. She forcefully motions her lips and breathes words of lucid wisdom through her dry chords.> There’s an anxiety that grips me sometimes, and it’s that every passing second I don’t recognize the artistic potential of something, it gets lost to time. What I fear the most is my head getting cracked wide open, losing consciousness, and awakening to a future that robbed me of beautiful scenes for new pieces. «This anxiety seems… unlike you.» <Aukai is surprised by the fact that her client is awake. Fear would gain control of her if it weren’t for him snoring afterwards, indicating it’s sleep-talking> Men are more beneficially judgmental when they’re asleep, huh? Whelp, I can leave while the night’s still middle-age. <Aukai gets dressed, particularly struggling to get her galoshes back on to weather the incoming rain. Once outside, she dashes through the rain almost oafishly, betraying the expectation of feminine grace. She thinks to herself> Even beyond how ridiculous it sounds, the life of an artist is a religious one: One where we’re conflicting our reality with the one produced on canvas. Well, that’d make the process more like the foundations of a religion than the application of it. The completeness isn’t there yet, but hopefully I can figure it out by the time I’m home. <The moonlight becomes secondary as the artificial lights create new scenes at every corner, torturing Aukai’s poor, traumatized eyes. She simply looks into her hands to avoid all these temptations.> [,] <There’s now tears mixing in with the raindrops, and on the way home, Aukai is stopped by an obstacle she couldn’t see coming. Facedown in the asphalt, she looks up to see a beautiful scene, etching itself into her eyes to haunt her next gig.> G-goddamn you <Aukai pounds her fist into the ground.>

Pisces: 2,2,4,4,-Tetramethylpentane. <Maghazi is walking down the crowded afternoon streets of Dakar, gleefully filling his lungs with the smell of pollution and fried fish. Here, he feels at one with the natural world, leaving no space for false misconceptions of the monism he lives and, well, breathes. Here, there’s people he can both condescend and praise, leaving ample room to leave a web of both shrinkage and growth. His baggy pants are scruffed from the leftover paint of the bricks he vaulted and leapt over for the style of the action: Something to move the body he believes serves no purpose other than preserving the valuable brain.> Hmm, my ears are pointing me somewhere ambiguous: 20 meters away. <It appears he’s detecting something his senses designated as important to him. Despite this, he was never really the opportunistic personality, at least never one that took what was in front of them. Maghazi takes more determined steps, inching closer to the source> If I had to guess, it’s likely a drone chip. They don’t exactly make their existence a secret <He rubs a special knob on his glasses, enabling a process we can’t witness or understand> …Found them. <Maghazi stumbles upon the source, which is a group of teenage boys in an alleyway kicking around a hacky sack, which he believes to be the source of the signal. Wondering how to approach, Maghazi comes to only the most optimal method> Oh, it looks like I’m substituting today. «Man, who are you talking to?» You guys: Who else? ²«Nobody agreed on that.» I never said it was democratic. All I need now is to be in this space and access to that hacky sack. «Get your own.» What if I told you it was an explosive device ready to go off and I was the only one who knew how to disarm it? «We’d die happy then.» <Maghazi is irked as there’s no other plans of approach left. In defeat, he walks away with a hunched demeanor. He thinks to himself how humorous it’d be if the hacky sack blew up like in his absurd hypothetical, but he’s quickly disappointed by the unpoetic reality> Nothing’s gonna happen.

[yehet-me-up]

The Breaking

pairing: Exodus Mall Chanyeol x reader (female)

genre: uhm the most angsty shit alive (i’m so sorry)

word count: 1,646

requested by @yeoldontknow - HI. YOU KNOW WHO I WANT. but i want 19 and like...go wild. whatever genre, angst, death idk just go nuts. make me FEEL. Okay HERE WE GO. Remember how you asked me what he did after they broke up....? *jazz hands*

The moment the door shuts, he caves in on himself, almost falling onto the walkway.

He collapses like a dying star, agony burning through his veins. The sound of your muffled sobbing breaks his heart. If he was selfish he’d turn around and bang on your door, begging you to choose him over yourself and your future. 

But if there’s nothing else he does right in this life, he thinks, at least he’ll free you of the burden of being tied to him.

With slow steps that feel like molasses he walks to his car. In a haze, he starts it and drives down the street. Tears cloud his vision and music blares in his ears. 

He knows it’s well and truly over and ruined when he slams his palm to the radio and silence fills the car. 

If silence is what he wants, he knows you’ve taken music with you, just like you took his heart.

For hours he drives blankly, along freeways and back streets. Does it matter where he stops? The only place he wants to go to is the only place he can never visit again. In leaving you and the future you’d planned together he’s created a fissure deeper and more permanent than Mt. St. Helen’s did when it blew.

He rubs the ache in his chest and tells himself it was the right thing to do. No longer does he feel the endless tears streaming down his face as he imagines you, safe and happy and fulfilled, at school in the fall, without him. 

He tells himself that no matter what else he does in this life, he loved you with all of his heart, and he let you go to save you.

He thinks about going home to his family. He hasn’t been home in ages, except to check in once a month. If they yelled at him or challenged him or fuck, even asked a single question about his friends or his music, maybe he’d give them another chance. 

But they don’t care. He has never been enough for them and it took you loving him to make him realize he’ll survive without their attention and approval. That he’s worthy, regardless of if his family acknowledges it.

He slaps himself in an attempt to be composed, but it’s pointless. He reminds himself that he does have people who care. Kyungsoo, the guys in the band. Baekhyun and his mom. You. The fact that you loved him is all the validation he ever needed in life.

The street lights blur, somewhere out Highway 2 East, and he can’t stop the memories of you.

Stroking your hair when you rested against him on the couch, watching endless movies with friends. The way your hand tangles in the fabric of his shirt during tense scenes.

The sound you make when he steals some of your fries at Dick’s, a scoff before you cave and slide them over to him. How you never hesitate to share with him. Anything. Especially what he treasures most - your thoughts and your words and your heart.

All the records he has that will forever make him think of you. Jazz, soul, punk, metal, everything. There’s not a single genre left that doesn’t have your touch.

The soft kisses you press to his chest, his lips, his chin, his neck, after sex. The way he feels vulnerable and soft and open and downright shaken at the intensity of what he feels for you.

He’ll never again get to know what your lips taste like, what your laugh sounds like. Never again get to see you playing video games in shorts and one of his oversize shirts that drown you in fabric. Never again get to make you giggle when he kisses your neck during Thursday night screenings.

‘I want my baby to have your eyes,’ you’d said serenely, sitting on the grass at Gasworks Park watching a family play with their son. Teaching him to use a kite while you squeezed Chanyeol’s knee.

In letting you go he’d razed to the ground the life and the future he wanted so badly that it almost tore him apart with hope and wonder. An apartment. Music. Marriage. You. Children. Happiness. Purpose. Peace. Love. Everything.

‘FUCK.’ He slams the wheel with the palm of his hand and screams into the silence.

Dangerous thoughts play in his mind, about how his life is worthless without you. About how easy it would be to drive on to Spokane, to Montana, to God knows where. And disappear.

Maybe it’s his rational mind, his higher self that makes him turn around and head back for Seattle. Maybe it’s God looking out for him, that sends him to Kyungsoo’s house at four in the morning. Or maybe it’s your energy, that somehow ferrys him through the dark back to his life and his friends, to be loved and held even if it isn’t by you.

He knocks on Kyungsoo’s window before the sun is even up. The moment he sees a light turn on he collapses on the grass outside his friend’s room. Knees hitting the damp ground before his shoulders follow.

He’s reached the end of himself and he curls inward, fresh tears spilling from his eyes and fresh sobs wracking his throat. He holds his hand to his mouth to avoid the feral noises that come from him while the window opens and his friend crawls out.

‘Chan, what is it?’ Kyungsoo asks, looking as afraid and lost as Chanyeol feels. ‘Did something happen? What’s wrong?’

But he can’t speak. How can words ever express the feeling of his heart being ripped out of his chest? He shakes his head frantically, whining at the agony eating away at him like an animal trying to escape.

Kyungsoo reaches out and holds Chanyeol’s shoulder for a moment. ‘Stay here, I’m getting Baek.’

Through tears Chanyeol watches the sky as it lightens. Wonders what the day will bring without you in it, what all the rest of the days of his life will be like without the most important person in it. He watches absently as his tears melt into the soft grass and the dirt of Kyungsoo’s backyard.

He does something he hasn’t done in years, since the schism between his family became too great to bridge. As the sky turns from black to midnight blue to a pale gray dawn, he prays.

He prays that you’ll find love again with someone better than him. Someone who can give you all the things you want in life, who won’t hold you back. He prays that one day he’ll be able to breathe around the hole in his chest, that he’ll find even one shred of the happiness he had with you.

Not from another relationship. No, even though he’s only eighteen he knows he’ll never love anyone like he loves you. Maybe music or video games or french fries or laughing with his friends will feel like enough someday.

He prays that you always know love and that you’re safe and happy forever. And he prays that someday sacrificing you will be worth it, and that he’ll find something good again too.

At some point Kyungsoo re-joins him on the ground in the backyard. Draped a coat over Chanyeol in the early morning chill. Folded his legs and sat next to his friend, keeping a vigil over Chanyeol in his grief. Rested a hand on his friends knee and kept watch.

A car door slams in the distance. 

A minute later Baekhyun comes into view, hair a mess and eyes blurry from being woken up far too early. Chanyeol watches as Baekhyun and Kyungsoo exchange a glance, miles of understanding passing between them. 

Baekhyun asks something softly and Kyungsoo shakes his head, lifting his shoulders in a shrug.

Baekhyun frowns, kneeling and looking at Chanyeol like he would a wounded animal. It’s fitting, Chanyeol thinks, it’s what he sounds like. What he must look like as he writhes on the ground.

‘What happened?’ Baekhyun asks steadily, trying to get Chanyeol to focus through his agony.

He whines, in pain, and tugs at the grass in his fingertips. Even if he could speak around his raw throat, he doesn’t know what he’d say. How does he possibly put words to an ending such as this. It can only be felt, tasted, touched. Words can’t do justice to the cataclysm of his life.

Baekhyun crosses his legs and sits next to Kyungsoo, quieter than he’s ever been seemingly in his entire life. He reaches a hand for Chan’s shoulder. 

The three of them sit and wait for the sun to rise, for something to change.

When the sky turns a pale gold, he finds the words. ‘I let her go.’ The sound is raw and faint.

Baekhyun drops his head and sighs. ‘I figured.’ He looks back at his friend. ‘Any chance of us changing your mind and convincing you this is absolutely not something you have to do?’

Chanyeol shakes his head. ‘No.’ The word is final. Heavy. A line in the sand.

His whole body aches but he forces himself to sit and face his friends. With dirty hands he wipes the tears, fresh and dried from the long night, off his face. They watch him with grim expressions, each holding one of his knees.

‘Don’t look at me like that guys, I’ll survive,’ he says quietly and attempts a smile. ‘I’ll live... somehow.’

‘You’re many things, my friend,’ Baekhyun says with a soft voice. ‘But you’re an absolutely shit liar.’

Chanyeol tilts his head back and laughs. Soon Kyungsoo and Baekhyun join in, and help him stand. 

The sound carries him on through the day, and the sliver of hope and lightness it brings carries him on through all the years without you.

[softpunks]

we can fly / jason todd-centric / 3.8k / for jason todd birthday week

“I told you this was stupid.” Jason tells Dick.

“Shut up.” says Dick miserably.

Damian glances at him. “You look stupid, Todd.”

Jason sniffles. “You think I don’t know that?”

AKA: 16 prompts for jason todd’s birthday. 

read it either on the ao3 link above or keep reading

i. — first

The stars are dazzling from this view. This is Jason’s first thought. 

Tim, who is the sibling that ends up riding the ferris wheel with Jason since the only one really willing to ride with Damian is Dick, notices the look of amazement on the older’s face. “Have you ever been here before?” he asks. 

“No.” Jason admits. Entering cost money, and though it was relatively easy to sneak in, it was a bit disheartening to see families and friends enjoy themselves and carelessly spend their pocket change on snacks and games when you were a hungry orphan who didn’t have any of those. Back then, Jason would make sure to not even look twice at the rides, because that would only sour his mood more. “Not if you count loitering outside.” 

“So this is your first time.”

Jason can’t help but bristle, even though Tim doesn’t mean anything bad with his comment. He’s just stating a fact. “So?”

They’re here for Damian, really, because Dick said he lacked a proper childhood — they all did, to some extent, but somehow, none of them turned out as aloof and arrogant as Damian, so — and didn’t know anything about the joy of carnivals and theme parks. From there, it isn’t difficult to see Dick’s logic: exposing Damian to relatively happy things should make Damian a happy kid. 

(Jason did not have to be as smart as Tim or Barbara to know this way of thinking was entirely bullshit, but he also didn’t have the heart to argue with Dick.)

Jason’s never actually been to a carnival or theme park either, since he never thought it was a big enough deal to ask Bruce to visit these places back in the early stages of being his ward and being a lot more childlike and demanding. But he hadn’t wanted the entire visit to be about him because that meant he cared about those kinds of things— and he didn’t, it was just something interesting — so he didn’t say anything. Still, with Damian currently not in the picture and generally not for Jason to worry about, he could pretend like the night at the carnival was meant for him and enjoy it to the fullest, admiring the new sights and experiences with the wonder he could never afford as a kid. 

Tim just shrugs, unaffected by Jason’s attitude. “It’s nice, right.” 

“Sure.” Jason says flippantly, leaning back and crossing his arms. He doesn’t want to admit Tim’s right, and that it’s more than just nice. It’s goddamn beautiful. He’s seen the sky from rooftops when he’d patrol, so it’s definitely not the matter of height, but seeing it from here still feels a lot different. Jason can’t exactly describe it, but he’d like to think that it’s because it’s not often they have times like these, where they get to act like normal people and appreciate the mundane things in their lives when so much other outworldly things occur. Like a reminder that this is why Jason fights crime, besides looking after and protecting those who can’t save themselves. To have moments like these that they can enjoy to the fullest because they’re safe and they’re alive. 

“We’ll come back here.” Tim continues, like a promise even though Jason hadn’t even asked. “We’ll take Bruce with us, next time. And Alfred.”

“Like I care if Bruce is with us.” Jason replies, but it’s half-hearted, because he’s still staring at the bright-lit sky. 

From the side, Tim smiles fondly at his older brother. 

ii. — healing

“Meditation,” starts Talia. “Is an essential part of the healing process.”

“But I’m fully healed, you know.” Jason whines. “I don’t need this kind of crap.”

Talia glances at him sharply and kicks him firmly at his side. Jason yowls in pain and cradles his abdomen. “What was that for?” he demands. “I’m injured!”

“Hmph,” Talia huffs. “I thought you said you were already healed.” Jason just pouts. Talia does not look amused. “This is healing for your mental state. Not your physical one.”

“Whatever.” he grumbles, because it isn’t as if he has brain damage anymore. But Talia clearly isn’t going to budge, and he doesn’t think they’re getting out of this strange zen-like garden in the middle of nowhere anytime soon unless he follows her. 

She closes her eyes and returns to her earlier pose. “Now, let’s continue.”

iii. — unconventional

It's a loose but also the most accurate term they have for it— for their relationship that involves Renee Montoya occasionally running into this Crime Alley kid she caught one night trying to steal Batman's tires. She has the savings to take him in as her own and provide for him, and considers doing it by the fifth time they've met and got to know him better, but every time she'd offer, he'd take off, like the thought of trusting his life to an adult's hands scares him more than anything. Regardless, he always comes back to their meeting place at Gotham Park every Sunday evening. Renee is disappointed, but as Kate constantly reminds her, being a cop doesn't mean you can save everyone, and just because people may need saving doesn't mean they necessarily want it. 

"He's a kid." Renee argues. "Like, ten."

"Then maybe he's testing how long you'll be willing to stick around with him and keep that offer." Kate says. "Maybe he'll come to you when he's ready."

Renee listens to her girlfriend and waits, but that time never comes. It doesn't mean they stop their weekly run-ins, or that she doesn't give him anymore life advice when he voices out his problems. It doesn't mean she retracts her offer because it's been years or she stops paying for his school supplies when he finally admits to her that he decided to go to school so he could get a job and get out of the slums. It just means he isn't officially hers to keep and call her own kid. 

But when he wears her brown leather jacket and says he looks just like her, it feels a lot like that anyway, and she can live with that. 

iv. — open

“I can’t open it.” Damian admits sullenly. The unintentional pout on his face makes Dick coo and Tim look away because it looks embarrassing. It makes Damian angry, of course, but there are currently more important matters to deal with.

Jason simply laughs loudly, clearly amused, takes the jar from Damian’s hands, and twists it open easily. 

v. — grip

Alfred’s grip is so tight on Jason’s clothes that it's enough to rip his worn-out but well-loved clothes off and tear through them with ease. He almost thinks that the butler is angry, for whatever reason, but when Alfred looks up, there is nothing but pride and sorrow in his eyes. 

“How you’ve grown, Master Jason.” he says. “It was as if it was only yesterday when Master Bruce took you home and said you were going to be staying with us.”

Jason’s gaze can’t help but soften. It’s just college, but somehow, Alfred makes it sound like it’s so much more than just that. “I promise I’ll visit.”

Alfred nods before reluctantly letting him go. “I should hope so. As much as Master Duke tries, he’s not as good at helping around in the kitchen as you are.”

“I’ll tell him you said that, you know.” Jason teases. “You’ll break his heart.”

“Just as you’re breaking mine?”

Jason rolls his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic.” he says, but the reprimand is half-hearted. He beams at the butler. “I’ll be going now. Take care, okay?”

“You too, Master Jason.” 

vi. — siblings

He grew up an only child, so he doesn't know exactly what siblings are supposed to be like. The headlines have said they were always a strange bunch, and given their respective secrets, Jason is inclined to agree. 

Still, he takes his biweekly trip to the Manor and sees Damian angrily chasing Stephanie down with a water hose around the garden, both their faces and clothes dirty with paint. Dick and Cass are sitting right outside the porch, eating popcorn as they watch the entire scene unfold like they're viewing the best movie of the year; Duke can be seen through the window, looking mildly exasperated as Alfred beckons him with a gesture to focus on whatever task they're doing inside the house. 

Tim opens the front door and steps out with a tablet in one hand and a mug likely full of coffee in the other. He looks down at Dick and Cass before gazing straight ahead, where Stephanie and Damian have finally stopped running and have resulted to downright wrestling in front of everyone. "I don't want to know." He says loudly, immediately retreating back into the Manor when he sees the mess outside. Cass and Dick share a look before going back to Steph and Damian. 

Jason may not know what siblings are supposed to be like, but these are what his are like. And though the press may call them strange, this is probably the most normal Jason's ever going to get.

vii. — resurrection

Resurrection is a fickle thing. Or maybe that's just because there are only a few ways to go about it. When Jason died, Bruce mourned him terribly, but never thought about bringing him back. The same way he never thought of bringing his parents back.

Somehow, Jason returned anyway. In the end, Bruce realizes that it's pointless to sweat the details of it— or at least, too much of it — because all that matters is that his son is alive, and he's okay. Sort of. 

But resurrection doesn't solve everything. Not their strained relationship because he refuses to kill the Joker, not those moments when Jason would just shut down without warning and wouldn't respond to anything until he's taken back to his old room in the Manor and looked after by Alfred for a night or two, because Jason's always been attached to him. 

Not the white paper with the doctor's signature that confirms that his son only has five months to live. 

Jason isn't dead— not yet, anyway, but Bruce mourns like already is, and it drives their entire family insane. He wants to leave to find a cure, because for someone as pragmatic as he is, he's also always been good at denial.

"Don't." Dick says, gripping him hard on the shoulder. "Jay doesn't need a Batman right now; he needs a Bruce. He needs his father. You might as well start acting like one now."

Bruce relents. He sits by Jason's bedside and reads him lines from his favorite classical books — the original copies he used to treasure before Ethiopia, because Alfred and Bruce both value sentimentality — as if Jason was still a kid and needed bedtime stories to go to sleep. 

One night, Jason, who pretends not to be bedridden most days because he's always been a proud boy, stops him mid-reading. "You know," he says. "Moments like this make me glad I came back." 

And you'll stay. Bruce wants to say, because the only time he'll ever let himself be naively hopeful is when it's for the sake of his children. Resurrection may not solve everything, but at least it gave him this. 

Instead of talking, Bruce reaches out and holds Jason's hand. 

viii. — protect

“Why the hell are you protecting me?” Tim snaps, and Jason would’ve taken the venom in the younger’s voice a lot more seriously if not for the fact that he was clutching onto his bleeding harm and sprawled on the floor like a wounded animal. “I thought you hated me!”

“That was yesterday.” Jason replies easily, surveying their surroundings. They’re surrounded by around twenty men, but he can take them. “I’m in a better mood now.”

ix. — touch

Though Dick is the most physically affectionate one, Cass communicates with people through touch. Jason is naturally averse to that sort of thing, growing up in Crime Alley where it meant that being touched meant you were in trouble, but she’s his first sister, and he has an undeniable soft spot for her the way the rest of them do. So when she pulls him back to ask something because she’s always spoken softly and doesn’t plan on changing that, he lets her; when she pats him on the head like she’s the older sister even though he’s pretty sure they’re around the same age, he doesn’t protest. 

When she wants a hug, he lets himself melt into her embrace supposedly more for her sake, but actually for his own too. Dick will definitely throw a tantrum later on, but right now, he’s too busy enjoying the warmth only Cass can give. 

x. — another

“Another one for the boy right here.” the man tells the bartender. Jason smiles sweetly at the tattooed woman before turning to the man beside him. Though the forty year old is dressed plainly, there are hints of his wealth scattered around him in the most subtle of ways— the Rolex watch, the gold ring, the manicured nails, the neat way his hair is pressed back, the glasses Jason recognizes to be around triple the price of Tim’s. 

Jason shifts in his seat, thankful he’s already used to wearing fishnets and tight clothing. He hates these kinds of gigs, but it’s what puts money on the table, and Dick says that the deadline for the payment for Damian’s tuition is next week. The cash Jason can nab from this guy should be enough to cover the expenses for that, so Dick’s bodyguard job can pay for their rent instead. 

“Thanks.” Jason says gratefully, when the lady returns and gives him his drink. It burns his throat and he doesn’t like the feeling, but he knows he’ll need this to get through the night. Even if he has to deal with Dick’s incessant scolding because alcohol is a bad vice they can’t afford.

(“Where’d you get all this?” Tim asks later on, eyes wide as he stares at the wads of cash Jason dumps on the dining table the next morning. Damian already left for school, Dick accompanying him as always even though Damian is perfectly capable of going on his own by now. Cass hasn’t left her room, knocked out from returning just a few hours ago from her job at the gym. 

“Oh, you know,” Jason shuts the cupboard with the cereal box in his hand. “I got another job.”)

xi. — hour

It takes an hour of radio silence before Jason grows concerned. “You’ve been gone for quite a while, red.” he says through the comm. “You sure you’re alright? Your boyfriend will never forgive me if I let something bad happen to you.”

“Relax.” Barbara finally says after a few moments, and Jason crushes down the urge to let out a sigh of relief. “I didn’t know you were such a worrywart.”

Immediately, he scowls, even if she can’t see it. “Fuck you. Am not.”

Barbara laughs, but it’s immediately cut off by Bruce’s stern voice leaking through their earpieces. “Break it off, you two. We have a mission to complete.”

“Aye, aye, captain.” Jason and Barbara chime in unison, though they’re both snickering.

xii. — time

There isn’t enough time, he thinks, as he stares at the bomb going down second by second in the horror. The doors won’t open, and he hears his mother sobbing. He wishes he had the voice to scream, to comfort her, sit back and make the most out of these last moments he has thinking of all the goodbyes he hadn’t said and all the things he shouldn’t have done. 

But the only thing circling in his head is, there isn’t enough time. There isn’t enough time. 

Bruce might not make it in time. 

xiii. — morning

Jason’s favorite time of day has always been the morning, because it reminds him of the times when he’d catch his mother whistling a happy tune as she waters the plants in their tiny backyard, of his father listening to the radio on the kitchen counter. Eventually, Jason learned to appreciate it for the smell of Tim’s coffee drifting from the dining area to the hallways, the careless padding of Bruce’s footsteps when he’s just woken up and is too groggy to be conscious of his loud movements; the way Dick decides to do his morning stretches right outside the kitchen and how Damian carries around all his pets’ food and meticulously puts them into their respective bowls, while Cass urges Duke to go on a morning jog around the garden before settling down for food. 

Besides, Alfred always cooks breakfast best when there’s someone awake enough to enjoy it, and maybe that’s why he likes mornings the most. 

xiv. — believe

“There is no way the brat is going to believe this.” Jason states, giving Dick a dirty look. “He’s been trained by the League of Assassins and by Bruce.”

“Oh, c’mon, little wing! Damian’s eleven. Kids like those believe anything!” Dick insists. Jason helplessly shoots Tim a look. 

Tim shrugs. “This was Dick’s idea, not mine.”

“Yeah, clearly, because no one would think of something this ridiculous.” Jason rolls his eyes. “Why don’t you do it? You’re the one who actually gives a shit about that kid.”

“He’s right.” Tim agrees, voice slowly fading as he leaves the cave, not wanting to be involved with Dick’s plan anymore. 

Dick crosses his arms. “Because Damian already thinks I’m the jolly guy himself. I need him to believe we’re two different people, so I definitely can’t be in the costume.” The thing is, Jason doesn’t even have the build needed to pull this kind of shit off. Not to mention that it’s, well, stupid. “If you do this, it’ll totally make up for you trying to kill Damian before.”

Jason raises an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t he be giving me that kind of forgiveness instead of you?” But Dick is pulling the biggest puppy dog eyes he’s ever mustered in his entire life, and while Jason really wouldn’t fall for that, the sight is disgusting enough to make him relent, so it probably doesn’t matter. “Fine. But I don’t owe any of you jackshit for the rest of my life.” 

“You don’t even give us presents!”

—

The plan to make Damian believe in Santa Claus fails spectacularly, of course. Even if Jason did put on the fake belly, he just doesn’t have the Santa Claus vibe, despite having the bulky build for it — because of the muscles, not the fat; Jason will skewer anyone without hesitation if anyone tries insulting him — and Damian is too pessimistic to believe in an old man who loves children with the ability to tell whether they’ve been good or bad and sneak into their houses to give them presents. Damian would rather much stick to his belief that Dick leaves him anonymous gifts under the Christmas tree that somehow always end up being the best things he’s ever gotten. 

“Santa Claus sounds like a pedophile, Grayson.” Damian says. “Why would anyone want to believe in someone as vile as that?”

Jason has to hand it to the kid; he easily beats Jason in ruining any situation. Dick unconsciously flinches, while Tim looks like he has to agree with Damian’s point, no matter how much he also looks like doing so would result in him vomiting in the bathroom. Cass and Duke are ignoring the entire exchange, mostly for Jason’s sake, since he’s still dressed in the ridiculous Santa Claus getup, and way more focused on opening their own presents despite how Bruce told them to wait until tomorrow. 

“I told you this was stupid.” Jason tells Dick. 

“Shut up.” says Dick miserably. 

Damian glances at him. “You look stupid, Todd.”

Jason sniffles. “You think I don’t know that?” He shrugs off the thick red coat before setting the pointed hat on top of Dick’s head and sauntering off. “Christmas is a capitalist movement anyway. You shouldn’t follow it.”

“Jay!” Dick protests. 

Jason says that, but on Christmas Day itself, there’s a gift for each of them under the tree.

(“I thought you didn’t believe in Christmas.” Damian points out after Christmas dinner. 

“Well, I don’t believe that middle-aged men who live in basements and dress in all black can actually save people, but here we are anyway.” is Jason’s only reply to that.)

xv. — over

Jason has nights when he forgets it's already over—the warehouse, the crowbar, the laughter, the bomb — because there will be times when it's the only thing that runs through his head when he dreams. It's likely Fate's design that the nightmares are always at their most frequent whenever the anniversary of his death inches near, so Jason makes it a point to never sleep during that week. Or at least make himself tired enough to just black out so he can't dream. 

"You look like you could use a drink," Roy comments, turning to him and handing him a bottle. "It's on the house."

Jason snorts. "Your boss is gonna kill you for this." 

"Eh." Roy shrugs. "Figured we deserved it. Yesterday's mission was a shitstorm." Jason can't help but hum in agreement to that.

"Well," Roy pours the both of them and glass and raises one in a faux-toast. "At least it's over, right?"

"Yeah," Jason says quietly, glancing at the clock. A few minutes to midnight, and then it'll be the day of his death. The tick of the clock faintly reminds him of the tick of the time bomb, but there is no awaiting explosion here and no death lurking the halls in the quietness of this bar in Star City. Jason's safe and alive. "It's over."

xvi. — robin

"That's a stupid name." Jason states, eyeing the uniform in his hands with distaste. "Robin?"

"It's what Dick chose to use." Bruce simply says. Jason can't help but frown. He doesn't really like it when Bruce talks about Dick, even though he is the first son, because Bruce always tries to hide how sad he really is at the thought of Dick and fails at it. Jason doesn't really understand, not when he's here, the new son, but despite the look on Dick's face when Bruce introduced him to Jason that screamed replacement, he isn't that, really. Or rather, he can't be. Dick is the golden circus boy with jolly laughter; Jason is the dirty street rat with good survival instincts. They're different, so of course things won't be the same. Or at least the same that Bruce unconsciously wants. But that doesn't mean Jason won't make it worthwhile. For both him and Bruce. "You could always pick a new one, if you want."

"Nah." Jason says. Bruce looks at him, and there's a newfound determination in his eyes. "I'll keep it."

"Yeah?" Bruce raises an eyebrow. "What changed your mind?"

"I'm gonna be the better Robin." Jason declares confidently, grinning up at Bruce. "I'll be so good you'll stop moping about the first one. Just you wait."

[mikami]

Death Note Audio Drama 05

Disc 5: Exclusion Criteria - a summary / partial translation

Prior translations / an explanation as to what the fuck this is.

In this: Rem dragging Misa for like a minute before then settling into her usual ‘I’d die for her’ pattern without a single explanation. Light, Misa, Rem and Ryuk going to Space Land! L arguing with a waiter! Otherwise there is a whole lot of canon-close plotting going on.

____

We begin with Rem talking to Gelus (the name used here), who is watching Misa. Gelus tells her that Misa is going to die today. Rem points out that everyone has their set time on Earth and calls Gelus out for behaving unfitting for a shinigami by mourning.

REM: What’s so special about this... Misa Amane?

GELUS: Her parents died in a break-in, but she’s tough. She’s working as a model, did you know? It’s a hard job. Every day can be a set-back, the people are judging you.... but she stands her ground and--

REM: Are you serious? She’s living off insurance money and smiles into cameras. That is a ‘hard job’ to you?

GELUS: I’m just saying--

REM: And I say, 17 years in a first world country in the 21st century. A pretty good life, if you ask me.

GELUS: I did not ask you.

REM: Get over it, Gelus, her time is up. If you don’t want to watch her die, you better look away now.

We hear the stalker approach Misa, trying to get her to die together. But then Gelus begins writing! Rem tries to stop him, but to no avail. 

_______

TITLE MUSIC

_______

RYUK: The thing with this girl is playing with fire.

LIGHT: I’ve got a few things that can burn.

RYUK: Beginning with L?

LIGHT: She can see people’s true names. I just need to make sure she meets him and she can bring an end to him. And then nobody will be a danger to me anymore.

RYUK: Her, maybe.

LIGHT: That’s something we can deal with later. Now come on. We’ve got a date.

RYUK: I’ve got no interest in Rem. Her teeth aren’t--

LIGHT: Shut up!

______

The task force is sighting the security camera material from Aoyama. L’s actor still mispronounces it as ‘Ayoyama’ and he’ll never stop, it’s killing me.  L orders that Light is getting an agent tailing him again, since he was also in Aoyama.

______

Light, Misa, Ryuk and Rem are on a rollercoaster!

RYUK: I’m not sure what’s up with this human idea of putting yourself into a state of fear on purpose.

REM: I second that. I feel no desire to be pulled up there only to then drop down again.

MISA: Ooh, be quiet back there! Just try enjoying the ride.

REM: Maybe it’s all about the side effect. The females can scream and hide in the arms of the males. A good excuse for physical proximity.

RYUK: How’s a bit of cuddling supposed to help when you’re crash landing?

LIGHT: Is there any way for you two to make yourself inaudible and invisible?

REM: Maybe they enjoy the anticipation of the fall... 

Light then decides to change the topic and ask Misa how she got her Death Note. She tells the story. In this version, the Death Note just immediately fell in front of Misa, rather than Rem deciding to give it to her.

The rollercoaster starts.

REM: Ryuk! Let go of my arm.

Ryuk: ‘m sorry!

______

Mogi, who is trailing Light, informs L that Light has a date. 

______

Misa complains the milkshakes aren’t big enough, while Light gives her Kira-related instructions for a new message to announce she’ll kill independently from Kira now and spread her powers (like in canon). 

______

Ryuk and Rem discuss ferris wheels. Ryuk supposes that it’s all about getting the view, Rem points out that it’s also about couples getting privacy. 

______

Light tells Misa to never disclose their relationship or anything to the police. Misa tries to ask for more dates, Light declines, everything just as in the manga. The whole ‘I’ll have to date other girls, too’ happens here as well. Light threatens Misa and then Rem threatens Light, all according to normal script.

_______

Mogi informs L of the fight in the burger restaurant, though he also supposes they have made up by now (Mogi: “Yeah... yeah... He just got a goodbye kiss on the cheek that I’d care massively aggressive.”) Mogi asks L who he should follows after the date. L tells him to follow Misa to find out who she is.

_______

Light and Ryuk discuss the situation. Nothing really interesting here except for sum-ups of the situation.

Light walks past a magazine and spots Misa on the cover of Eighteen.

______

Light comes home. Sayu immediately confronts him with the Eighteen issue. There is a whole feature on Misa in it, about her hobbies and what she’d like in a man (Sayu: “By the way, I don’t think you’re here type, but whatever.”), etc etc.  Light asks Sayu to keep quiet, she asks for the money just like in the manga.

Misa drops by for a visit that isn’t really explained, since they just got off their date.

______

Mogi informs L of this. 

______

Light and Misa go to his room.

LIGHT: You never told me you’re a model.

MISA: Just look at me! What else am I supposed to be? A car mechanic?

LIGHT: You didn’t think to at least bring it up once?

MISA: You never asked! Which, by the way, is so typically Boy. You only talked about yourself and your great plans and your important mission. You don’t even know my favorite color.

RYUK: Blue.

LIGHT: Blue. We read the article.

_______

Misa’s new Kira II tape plays. L figures out that the two Kiras are in contact now. L suspects Light a little less because Kira II didn’t insist on showing L on TV and he figures Light would want that. 

_______

Misa and Light walk in the park. Light talks Rem into agreeing to kill L for his and Misa’s happiness.

_______

Matsuda brings in forensics results for the newest tape. They found a blonde-dyed hair. L informs Soichiro that Light is Kira, if he dies in the next few days. Soichiro complains about none of L’s reasoning holding up in court.

L: Calm down, chief inspector. If I’m right, I’ll be too dead to care. I hope I’m wrong, and then you can call me an amateur next Friday instead.

_______

L shows up at campus again. Light makes a quip about having thought L would turn to dust in the sunlight. The rest of their conversation is close-ish to the manga.They go for a coffee.

______

The task force is in a surveillance van, spying on the campus. The only mention of L liking sweets is made here.

They suddenly have a stranger on their police channel, only taking a moment to figure out it’s Mogi, who is in the perimeter because he’s following Misa.

_____

WAITER: So here’s two coffees and the cookies. Would you also like a blueberry muffin?

L: Why would I want one?

WAITER: They’re on sale.

L: If I wanted one, I would have ordered one. 

LIGHT: Just don’t mind him, he’s not from here. 

WAITER: Not a problem, I’m just asking. 

L: No, you’re suggesting to me to order a blueberry muffin. Because you’ve got too many blueberry muffins.

LIGHT: That’s enough, L. Here.

Coins clink.

WAITER: Thank you.

LIGHT: As an apology for my friend here, who is being such an idiot.

L: Friend? I’m flattered. 

Light (sighs loudly): ... of course. Let’s just sit down here.

L: To still call me a friend after all I put you through so far...

LIGHT: Well, we’re similar in many ways.

L: Oh really?

The conversation is interrupted when Misa enters the cafeteria and approaches.

______

Ryuk and Rem sit in the university’s bell tower and talk about why their respective humans are here. Misa actually has a photoshoot directly at college here.

_____

Misa comes by, chattering.

MISA: Don’t you want to introduce us?

LIGHT: No.

MISA: Oh, don’t be so grumpy, darling. Hello, are you a friend of Light’s?

L: You could say so. I’m Hideki Ryuga.

L gives his usual spiel about liking Misa as a model, Misa is happy and then---

LIGHT: Her fans are losers.

MISA: Darling?!

LIGHT: I’m just saying. A lot of them are really batshit. She has to keep her private life secret.

Ah, so it’s an excuse for not telling L about her earlier. L lays it on thick and calls Misa his “favourite photo model” and Light his “best friend”. Then Misa gets spotted and the usual commotion happens. The waiter offers a free blueberry muffin to Misa.

_______

The task force in the van can’t see anything through the commotion. Mogi can’t get close either. 

_______

Misa’s manager comes to drag her outside. She is called “Miss Yoshi” consistently here, though Misa calling her ‘Yoshi’ in katakana and without honorific in the manga suggests a nickname. Especially since she’s from Yoshida Productions. Her real last name is likely Yoshida.

_______

L gives Mogi and co. the cue to arrest Misa. It’s kind of silly because now they all act like they have this defined plan involving Mogi? When earlier Mogi’s presence in itself was a surprise.

________

L goes to grab some cake, Ryuk comes into the coffee so Light has someone to talk about his plans to. Light tries calling Misa.

L talks to the waiter again.

WAITER: Okay, so two cheesecakes, one more coffee, would you maybe like a---

L: Look at me. Do I look like I do?

A phone rings.

WAITER: Are you going to pick up?`

L: Hello, darling. I can see who’s calling. Light, I know it’s you.

They briefly argue about how L got the phone, L informs Light of Misa’s arrest.

______

Misa on her photoshoot. We hear the cameraman give her directions for a while. Then the team suddenly swoops in to arrest Misa. They somehow publicly say she is arrested for  “resistance against the state, blackmail, and a conspiracy with the goal of killing people” and read her her rights. 

______

Rem comes to Light to blame him for Misa’s arrest and tell him to fucking fix it. 

______

There is an absolutely strange segment here of Soichiro talking to Yoshi, about Misa’s arrest. Yoshi strongly protests it, keeps pointing out that Misa is a minor, generally wants to know what Misa is even arrested for. She seems to have a small hunch that Misa is arrested for being a Kira suspect.

I’m not bothering to transcribe this scene though, since Yoshi literally never appears again after it, so this scene is just entirely pointless.

______

Misa in her cell. She’s panicked. Nothing of substance is said.

______

L talks about Misa’s containment position with Matsuda, since an audio drama listened can’t see it. 

______

Misa begging to be killed, wohoo. Rem talks her into giving up the notebook.

_____

Light buries the Death Notes in the park and hands one to Rem. She flies off.

_____

Misa lost her memories and now refers to L as a stalker. He is confused. It’s the same as the manga, really. L interrogates again.

_____

Light handed himself in to the police. He has an official interrogation by Mogi, which Soichiro angrily interrupts, but Light continues testifying. The actual testimonial is alike to the manga.

_____

Soichiro accuses L of driving Light mad, but eventually consents to Light being put under arrest, under the condition of also being under arrest.

_____

Ryuk complains about boredom in the cell. (”Repeated attempts at getting Light to play ‘I spy with my little eye’ were grandiose failures.”) Ryuk just narrates dramatically to relieve his boredom.

_____

Watari wonders how to punish Kira, if Light really has a split personality. How to punish Kira and reward Light, when they’re in the same body? 

L just wants to proceed according to plan and Watari just... “We’ve got a plan?”

_____

Ryuk snuck out to eat an apple and came back, because he can’t stand being in the cell anymore. Light gives up the Death Note, finally.

[thesarcasticramen]

PROOF THAT TONY STARK HAS A HEART: IRONDAD EDITION

*inhales deeply* i don’t even know why i need to discuss this but here we go.

here are the basics that most of us are probably well-aware of now. the irondad and spiderson thing originated when tony stark recruits peter parker in captain america: civil war which also marks the second appearance of the latter since iron man 2.

setting aside the obvious liking i’ve taken to this relationship, i admit, tony’s recruitment with a (possibly then) fourteen-year old kid in a fight with highly-trained super-powered individuals in berlin without the knowledge of his legal guardian about the real matter—yes, we know she wouldn’t have let him because she’s an incredible mother to peter—because he blackmailed him into doing so is problematic. tony threatened the boy of disclosing his part-time vigilantism if he doesn’t reconsider his rejection of fighting alongside him. moreover, peter, as he had told steve during their duel and in the opening vlog of homecoming, wasn’t even in the know about the accords. it was a lapse of judgment on tony’s side that he didn’t shed some light on the conflict before dragging him into it. sure, peter has had his spidey powers then and tony wouldn’t have let something harmful befall on the teen on his watch and he knew that the other team isn’t really out for blood, but frankly, that wasn’t really one of tony’s best moments.

one detail we’ve all taken into account, aside from the fact that he already knows spider-man’s identity, is the suit tony had prepared for peter. tony stark is a genius, that is a universally-acknowledged truth, but even he took way more than several hours to create his own suit, design its features and run tests. this proves that tony stark had already been monitoring spider-man before civil war even took place, going out of his way to study the workings of the vigilante and upgrading his armor for more convenience, efficiency, and safety. after the fight, he relinquishes millions-worth of property to peter’s hands not just because it barely even scraped tony’s fortune, but to keep him safe and under his watch. the mentorship was bound to happen right from the start, tony has just been waiting for the right moment.

on spiderman: homecoming, peter receives radio silence from tony for the months that followed the events of civil war. peter is seen to be struggling to contain the excitement of participating in bigger things like the walmart parking lot fight instead of his usual fix of small crimes in queens and the disappointment of still not hearing a word from tony. people viewed this as another issue as tony left peter to fend for himself after using him to do his bidding. as a mentor should, it would’ve been better if tony did become more of a recurring presence in peter’s life and gave him actual lessons and training rather than just swooping in when the boy is on the brink of danger.

however, we see all kinds of features tony has put in the suit for the kid, as a fruit of all his past mistakes that he learned from. a parachute, a tracker, a heater—all of these things make peter extra protected. don’t even get me started on the training wheels protocol, the baby monitor protocol, and karen. of course, spider-man can do without all of those things (which i will be explaining later on, stay with me) but tony is doing his best to let peter spread his wings but not fly too close to the sun. “stay close to the ground” and “be a friendly-neighborhood spider-man” weren’t restrictions on peter, they were encouragement that looking out for the little guy matter as much as what the avengers do and those are going to help him work his way up and grow into a much wiser superhero.

“it’s not too early to start thinking about college”is also an important part of the aftermath of getting dunked in a lake. tony stressed on the significance of education, as any parent would, and even offered to pull on some strings and give a good word out for him. he knows peter is a genius and had so much potential so he wanted to make it flourish and not let it go to waste for the benefit of the boy and possibly of the world he’s going to change someday.

tidbits that are equally essential: tony makes sure peter is also under happy’s surveillance. tony knows about the churro lady and that he quit the band, he either reviews the reports that happy forwards to him or listens to happy rant about peter. either way, he cares enough to pay attention and remember that sort of information.

howard stark wasn’t “father of the year”. despite growing up with such a detached dad, tony didn’t want to end up treating peter, who wasn’t biologically his, by the way—i get that blood of the covenant is thicker than the water in the womb but it’s to give emphasis that tony cared for peter by choice—the same way howard treated him. he was “breaking the cycle of shame” by validating and praising peter’s achievements because he knew how it felt but just crave for that from the one person you want to hear it from.

in an excerpt from destiny arrives by liza palmer, the official paperback version of infinity war, peter had wanted tony’s approval since day one and that explains his reckless attempts of proving himself by going against tony’s warnings. what he fails to notice is, tony had been validating him since iron man 2. “nice work kid.” “you did a good job, stay down.” “great work in dc.”

now let’s get to the big yikes scene. first of all, tony stark was offended to think that peter thought he didn’t care. if stepping out of that suit (being actually there) looking pissed doesn’t already show that, then i don’t know what else would. see, he didn’t take the suit just because peter screwed the pooch and he thinks he is not capable of using it intelligently, he took the suit to teach him a lesson about responsibility. tony was once reliant on his iron man suits that he lost sight of how to stand up on his own two feet and he didn’t want peter to end up being the same. “if you’re nothing without the suit, then you shouldn’t have it.” tony wanted peter to learn that being a superhero is more than having a suit, it’s about the choices, the path, the actions, and the person, himself.

the “i was just trying to be like you.” “and i wanted you to be better.” dialogue made me draw a conclusion (this is just my personal opinion), the possible story behind the radio silence was because tony was scared peter would end up following his footsteps. he wanted peter to navigate super heroism on his own, with only the slightest guidance, to be able to figure out who he really was and to learn on how to build his own character and not replicate iron man and his failures. tony wanted peter to be peter, spider-man to be spider-man, because that’s what he needs to be and what he believes to be what the world and peter deserved to be, better. it’s why he set the parameters to the gray area: avoiding the things he would and wouldn’t do.

if people thought tony stopped peter from being spider-man by taking the suit away, wrong. peter chose that because he needed the time to rethink. in the end, he managed to push himself back up and be the bigger person, the hero. remember that scene wherein he can’t get out from under all those rubble and he almost gave up because he believed that he would never? recalling tony’s words made him reach an epiphany that his strength indeed does not come from his suit, but from himself. he was spider-man even before, with, our without the suit. and that, by the end of the day, is what all he needed to realize in order to triumph.

another issue i frown at is tony’s recruitment of peter to be one of the avengers at the end of homecoming. peter is still a kid after all and letting him be exposed to the media and to more accountability and bigger threats is just a no-no for me. thank goodness, peter turned that down, thinking it was a test. test or not, tony is proud of peter’s decision because it shows how much the kid has matured and actually listened to his concerns.

TOUGH LOVE, these words were uttered by tony stark, himself so need i really say more?

in the beginning of infinity war, tony was initiating the talk of having kids with pepper, a huge development that could possibly be influenced by the amount of peter parker he had become accustomed to. tony and peter’s relationship is seen to have evolved more. their dynamic and coordination is like that of a well-oiled machine. in the scene where peter was getting beamed up, we were introduced to the ironspider suit but he was sent home by tony. peter, however, still managed to hitch the ride to space.

“speaking of loyalty.” - peter parker to tony stark in avengers infinity war (2018). you mean, loyalty and worry? to say that tony was terrified to see peter aboard is the understatement of the century. tony pretty much lost his mind, not wanting to be the reason or the one responsible for peter not coming home to his aunt, just as he was scared when peter went down in the airport and in the ferry incident. tony didn’t have a single good memory in outer space and he certainly can’t put peter through the same thing. he didn’t want another loved one to be at risk all because of him and his conscience and heart absolutely cannot take that. but as much as it’s hard for him to accept it, tony didn’t have much of a choice but to knight peter as an avenger.

“what’s your plan?” tony put so much faith in peter’s wit, skills, and capabilities even back in civil war when they took down ant man and when he enlisted his help albeit everybody saying he was crazy to and he continues to do so when he entrusted the plan of freeing strange to peter and when he called for him during the removal of thanos’ gauntlet. again, belief and validation means a lot to a protege.

“what is he, your ward?” even stephen points out the obvious bond between the two.

“you shoot my guy and i’ll blast him. let’s go!”one of tony’s major priorities in the movie is protecting peter. according to accounts that have purchased destiny arrives, tony was depicted to have been going through an existential crisis throughout the whole endeavor over the possibility of losing peter, gnawing at his gut, coming into terms with how pepper always felt when he did something wherein he would only have a fifty-fifty chance of survival. he was also coming into terms with how much he cares for the boy.

i’m not going to delve deeper into THAT scene, and instead, present to you another excerpt from destiny arrives:

there is a reason why marvel repeatedly accentuates that the irondad and spiderson arc is a vital aspect of the emotional core of infinity war and endgame. in the new and latest teaser for endgame, tony is shown to be mournfully looking at a framed photo he had with peter, meaning that the two have spent time together beyond the scenes that we see them in and in the gap between movies. having kept that picture already speaks volumes about how much peter meant to tony. it was serving to be his reminder of what he was fighting for, not just to avenge the world, but for peter. that face is a face of a man who lost family.

and when i say “repeatedly”…

jeremy conrad’s tweet:

in a panel with the russo’s, a fan asked about what was going through tony’s mind when peter disintegrated before him, they answered, “like losing a child.”

robert downey jr.’s interview wherein his take on his character’s relationship with tom holland’s is “an attempt at modern parenting.”

…i mean, repeatedly. IRONDAD IS CANON.

before you all clamor about the lack of may parker in this post, i’d like to clarify that i absolutely adore that woman. there is no competition when it comes to being the most incredible parent and mother to peter. the love she has for her nephew cannot be measured and she raised him with all she had despite losing all who can support her in doing so. she deserves as much recognition and admiration as tony does. nonetheless, that doesn’t mean she can’t accept a little help from time to time especially in the spider-man department. richard and ben parker will always be peter’s dads, but that doesn’t mean he can’t have another father figure to look up to.

tony is not a perfect father figure. he has had his fair share of messing up trying to be and he probably thinks peter deserves someone better to fill in the role. but one thing is for sure, he loves peter and he’s doing everything in his power to be the best one he can be and the one that peter needs.

so to all those who put on a blind eye and deny that this relationship doesn’t exist, 

let it sink in that tony stark had become more of a hero to peter parker 

than he was in the suit.

iron man wasn't the one who believed in him

it was the man with the heart.

thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[girlbookwrm]

Bah! Bah! Bah da-dah. Badabadabadadah bah dah dah! (<-- this is the iron man song)

THE MIGHTY ENDGAME REWATCH CONTINUES: PART THREE

(parts one and two are HERE)

The Gal Pal has joined us, so tonight we are three (@goteamwin is the Roommate and @pegasuschick is the Gal Pal.) This time we ALL pregamed with booze and cookies. 

Further note: It Has Been Years and I Still Miss The Old Marvel Logo

The Gal Pal: For a second I thought this was Lord of the Rings

THIS WAS A GAMBLE. I have to remind myself of this every time I watch this movie because this was a hhUUUUUGE gamble starring a recovering addict and directed by a nobody using technology that had been tested in Transformers, a franchise known for it’s kwality filmmaking (not u bumblebee i’m sure you’re g r e a t)

(the roommate would like it noted that they probably stipulated in RDJ’s contract that he wouldn’t be fully paid until he finished the movie because he’d flaked out on previous filming commitments for. you know. getting arrested and going to jail.)

This is a solid opening. A Super Solid Opening, in fact. Quality flashback. Actually TFA, take note. This is how you do a flashback, TFA

WELL THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY

comedy moment with the stark missile here. 

Howard Stark Mark I. (of three. Never forget. that there are three howard starks)

Oh No it’s Wrong Rhodes. Rhong Wrodes? just Wrodes?

Obadiah Stane? Really?? who thought he was a good guy??? although I love how easily he does this “getting on the stand to accept an award for Tony” thing. like he’s done it a thousand times before. because of course he has.

GOD THEY'RE ALL SO YOUNG

no da Vinci his a fair comparison, actually, given that Da Vinci apparently designed loads and loads of Very Deadly Things. 

At this juncture, the Gal Points out:

Not to be super gay here, but I would observe that the later Iron Man movies get hotter lady extras. Just a note.

she is not wrong. 

You're better than this journalist lady.

actually wait is she only sleeping with tony for the purpose of snooping?

SHIT SHE TOTALLY IS.

on the one hand DAMN PEPPER I HOPE CHRISTINE GETS MEDICAL ATTENTION FOR THAT BURN but on the other hand BOO GIRL ON GIRL CRIME.

Tony your music is bad

why isn’t it the iron man song

what band is it that does the iron man song

black sabbath, said the Gal Pal and The Roommate in unison.

tony i thought you weren’t a painter how do you even know who pollack is

The perpetual question with this movie: Was the script That Good or is RDJ Just That Good?

Will We Ever Truly Know

WRONG RHODES HAS A POTATO FACE RIGHT RHODES HAS A GREMLIN FACE. YOU NEED CORRECT GREMLIN POTATO FACE PAIRING.

Things that Date This Movie:

Tony’s suits (the fabric ones)

The phones (ohhhhhhhhhh my god flip phones oh my gooooooooddddd)

the fact that the hero is a new york billionaire with his name on the side of a building and people actually like him

Wait is Obie fucking someone? NO DON'T MAKE ME THINK THAT

I hate this part NOSE NO THANK U. GROSS. GROSS. NO I DON’T LIKE IT. NO. i came here for an ACTION MOVIE not a BODY HORROR MOVIE HELP PLS

Yinsen is v well dressed. like. Yinsen is SO dapper wtf Tony looks like a bum by comparison. And his chemistry with Tony is Un. Paralleled (except by pepper.) He fucking NAILS THIS ROLE. Ho Yinsen, International treasure

sub note YINSEN’S FIRST NAME IS HO. YOU ARE ALL VERY WELCOME.

sub sub note: The Roommate spent like fifteen minutes calling him Jensen. This Seems Racist. She points out that I am being racist for thinking that. She may be right. 

the ten rings IT IS LOTR

“I don't watch Iron Man that often, it's always a surprise when I enjoy it” - The Roommate

I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T A PAINTER TONY. THOSE ARE VERY GOOD DOODLES FOR SOMEONE WITH NO ARTISTIC INCLINATIONS.

I love/hate that it’s like: Oh no this bad guy speaks English NOW WE'RE IN TROUBLE.

THAT. SEEMS. RACIST.

“Yes I would like a delivery date” says the roommate, someone very accustomed to working with clients that do not provide a coherent delivery date/schedule.

every time i see this scene i am reminded of that interview where Cevans is like: tthHHAT’S RDJ?? and then he licks his lips like the thirsty little bitch he may or may not be.

army recruitment - avengers - dick swinging contest - dumpster fire <-- this is literally the note i made for myself, i don’t know exactly how we got onto this particular sidetrack but look here’s the story:

the pentagon subsidized the early marvel movies, but then they stopped. that was a fun fact that I knew

the gal pal looked it up and it is Very Real. She was explaining to us that they STOPPED subsidizing marvel movies after the avengers because SHIELD. ‘Does the army answer to SHIELD or does SHIELD answer to the army?’

Me: SO ARE YOU TELLING ME. THAT THE ARMY. A REAL LIFE ORGANIZATION. STOPPED FUNDING MARVEL MOVIES. BECAUSE THEY GOT INTO A DICK MEASURING CONTEST WITH SHIELD AND MIGHT HAVE LOST????

yes

the answer to that question is yes

the military industrial complex is a dumpster fire.

32 minute mark and Tony has more time with yinsen than anyone else

I cannot believe it took them them THIS LONG TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING WAS WRONG. No one thought to question that glowing thing in tony’s chest, just like: Nah that seems right. That’s part of the missile building process, right? They're working. this seems fine

It's still a horror movie but now Tony is the monster 

he was always the monster

YINSEN WE HARDLY KNEW YE

Tony Tedward Stark you're literally the only person in the world who didn't know Yinsen’s family was dead. “I’ll see them when I leave here?” THEY’RE DEAD TONY. THEY’VE ALWAYS BEEN DEAD.

also: YINSEN IS AN INTERNATIONAL TREASURE

Tony, at the end of this fight scene, is A) deaf from all the bullets pinging off his suit. B) very badly burned, and C) has broken every bone in his body.

All Jameses in the MCU come with an innate Bullshit Detection Sensor. “Steve’s in trouble” “What’s that explosion? probably Tony.” JAMES POWERS ACTIVATE.

40 minutes in and this is the first time I buy Wrodes as a pal. Maybe

Tony Stark: BRING ME BURGERS. YINSEN TOLD ME NOT TO WASTE MY LIFE

oh hey phil is here!

Tony you have PTSD ---- aaaand you also have a burger stashed in your sling? that’s the best thing. THAT’S THE BEST THING.

UGH GOD OBIE’S ON A SEGWAY GROSSSSS (as if we didn’t already know that he was evil just from his NAME)

The Gal Pal, re Tony vs his PTSD: of course he builds himself a suit of armor. we're lucky he didn't end up in a gimp suit.

me, internally: bold of you to assume he doesn’t.

I refuse to even imagine this movie with Tom Cruise it would be so Wrong. (For those who don’t know, the studio really wanted Tom Cruise  to play Tony, Jon Favreau really went to bat for RDJ against the studio, you know. on account of the whole. addiction getting arrested thing.)

TONY THIS IS A LABORATORY, WE WEAR OUR SHOES AND BUTTON OUR SHIRTS.

Mad money really dates this too. Add that to the list of things that date this.

Tony: Pepper you’ve got small hands, right? get down here.

 Now is the perfect time to remind you all that comics tony has canonically been pegged by Gamora.

You Are Welcome

A) pepper is great. B) Tony is definitely not really going into cardiac arrest. C) I’m remembering that they were my first Marvel OTP and I love them.

Re: Rhodey and the whole “Manned vs unmanned flight” and Tony coming in like “What about just the pilot with no plane” or whatever QUICK QUESTION ASKING FOR A FRIEND WHEN DOES THE FALCON PROGRAM HAPPEN

RDJ and his big sad brown cow eyes. 

The Roommate: I know I wasn’t into it at the time, because I was a youth and he’s like forty and I was like “No, he is Not For Me.”

Me: PAST YOU WAS A MORON.

The Roommate: Yeah i know that NOW.

Tony built his own keyboard that's so extra

Yikes generic ten rings bad guy you should put a bandage on that

ROBOT ABUSE, but also, can we talk about how much I love DUM-E, U, and also this entire sequence?

U is getting real fancy with the camera zooms

At this point we got into a discussion of whether the arc reactor gives Tony powers:

Me: Please. He’s a glorified normie. He’s the Batman of the Marvel Universe.

The Roommate: Yeah! He’s the Batman of marvel with out the...

Me: The what exactly? 

The Roommate: The dead... no his parents are... the car-- no he’s got lots of fancy-- The pearls. He’s the Batman of Marvel without the pearls.

now we have to wait until Civil War to see if Maria Stark is wearing pearls when she dies.

PIZZA. Obie is like the stepdad with that pizza. “I’m taking the pizza back. Nah go on take a slice.” G R O S S

Paul Bettany! You're better as a disembodied voice. 

The Roommate: I do not care for your purple robot form. I know Wanda does but--

Me: Listen. We’ve all made mistakes and bought an unreasonably large purple dildo

The Gal Pal: And we’ve all gotten attached to non-human characters. 

The Roommate: Like the fox from Robin Hood!

The Gal Pal: Exactly. And hey, maybe he just keeps going, you know? like the energizer Bunny.

Me, Upset: NONONONONONONO

The Roommate: now hang on a minute that’s interesting.

Tony, i feel like you didn't think though. But seriously, what is this scene? Why is there a Ferris wheel? Are those the director's kids?

YOU’RE DOING GREAT, DUM-E.

Tony, quick question, did you cut holes in all your tee-shirts? Why? There’s no need for it? It’s Literally? Just for the dramatic effect? Tony?? WHy??? ARe YoU LIke THiS????

they are literally titty windows

these shirts are probably very expensive

sToP

oooo the bad guy (side note, put on a bandaid my guy. get some neosporin or something) has the iron man 1.0 suit and waaaIT A SECOND ARE THERE BULLET HOLES IN THE CROTCH ARMOR??? DID THEY SHOOT TONY IN THE CROTCH?

First of all, Jarvis is a treasure, I’m sad they ever got rid of him, second of all I love that Tony can just show up unannounced at a Very Important Party and no one questions it, third of all:

Poooterrrrrr

Oh hey Phil is here!!

Oh Pep. You are so on top of things, you basically run SI, you know your fear about the deoderant is just paranoia. You applied twice and you have an extra one in your purse and you’re wearing perfume. You smell like roses and victory.

O! T! P!

Christine, why do you have these photos where have you been keeping them why don’t you just pull them up on your phoneOHHHH RIGHT THIS IS THE PAST THERE ARE NO SMART PHONES YET FFGHSSJJSJSDKDKD I FEEL OLD.

Tony is standing on a higher step than Obie for this. The Smolest Avenger.

This is the first full iron Man moment but all I can think is:

Toe socks Tony? really?

~Cool guys don't look at explosions~

SOMEONE REALLY NEEDS TO TELL MARVEL THAT MORE VILLAINS =/= BETTER VILLAINS.

Rhodes sees the boom on the screen and is like but… Tony is here. in the US. I know he's here. I'm 99% sure. 98%. (explosion #2) I’m 95% sure. (by explosion #5) I’m 42% sure that Tony is in the US.

Definitely the worse thing that Pepper saw was him cutting titty windows in his tee shirts

MARVEL! MORE VILLAINS ARE NOT BETTER VILLAINS!!

beeteedubs We All Hate the way Obie says “data” and “manufacturing.” Dah-tuh. Man-uh-fact-ering. U G H.

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND PEPPER I HAVE A NEW JOB NOW AND IT'S SAAAAVING THE PLANET

every movie ever: Is this hacking? Is this how hacking works?

Obie’s frankenstein vein and the way he slllluuuuurrrrps his whiskey. GROSS.

Oh Hey Phil Is Here!!!

What other applications?

WAIT WHAT OTHER APPLICATIONS ARE THERE FOR SHORT TERM PARALYSIS?

NO DON’T TELL ME I DON’T WANT TO KNOW

Hhhhhhow does Obie already have a specially designed arc reactor extractor?

TONY WHY DON’T YOU GET ON THE SCOOTER INSTEAD OF SHOVING IT AWAY? WOULDN’T YOU GO FASTER?

DUM-E IS A TREASURE

Re Pepper:

The Roommate: Pepper’s superpower is calling the right authorities and making sure the right people get arrested.

Me: so what I’m hearing is that Pepper’s superpower is being a responsible adult???

This Seems Accurate.

“Anything else I can do?” says Terrence Howard. “yeah, you can turn into don cheedle” say we all.

Where's the water in this creepy underground lair. Whyyyyyy are there water light effects? WHERE? IS? THE WATER???

OMG look at that cgi wowwwww he’s just coming up through the concrete and it is Definitely CGI.

dear obadiah stane: YOU DO NOT FIRE PEPPER POTS SHE IS ESSENTIAL. IF YOU FIRE PEPPER POTTS YOUR COMPANY COLLAPSES LITERALLY THE NEXT DAY.

Hey Obie. Did you put the Batman voice modulator in yourself orrrr... 

Holy Cow Digital Hand is Very Digital.

HANG ON ISN'T THIS EXACTLY WHAT ANT MAN DOES TO TONY IN CIVIL WAR???

Blow the reactor, he says. JUST DO IT, he says.

The Gal Pal: Shhhh you can hear Howard Stark rolling over in his grave

oh hey Zuul is coming

OH HEY PHIL IS HERE!!!!

The roommate: THAT'S NOT TRUE SMALL AIRCRAFT ARE VERY SAFE

WAIT WAS CAPTAIN MARVEL PHIL’S FIRST RODEO? *need to see Captain Marvel Intensifies*

“Girlfriend who worries about me” Tony says. It's Rhodes. Right? I mean. He already has a girlfriend who worries about him. It’s Colonel Rhodes. 

tony is so bad at lying

which is cute and all but FORREALS do you remember seeing this movie for the first time? whether you like Iron Man or not, whether you like MARVEL or not, this is fucking cinematic history happening here. this is the first franchise of its kind, it opened the door for so many others and it is so weird to remember that.

BAH! BAH! BAH DA-DUH. BADABADABADADAH! BAH DAH DAH!!

we have spent literally the entire movie waiting for this song to play

wow Jarvis u ok

THERE HE IS. Lookit him. with his eyepatch. he’s Seen Things. he’s Done Stuff. him and phil. geeze.

Me: I really wish I had just seen Captain Marvel 

The Gal Pal: I feel like that every morning

i mean i don’t want to harp on this given that we’ve already moved on from the incorrect hulk but WHY WOULD TONY STARK BE RECRUITING ROSS?????

[spearfeld]

So I just got done watching Alex Strangelove

I have really mixed opinions about this movie. I’m gonna give my full review under the cut, as well as address some of the arguments that this movie accomplishes what Love, Simon couldn’t. Beware of spoilers for both Alex Strangelove and Love, Simon.

This is a long one, so be warned.

Okay, first I’ll give me general overview of Alex Strangelove. This movie is a HUGE mixed bag for me so buckle up, I guess.

Basic plot synopsis: Alex and Claire have been dating for a while but haven’t had sex. They keep making plans to try and have sex, but Alex meets this boy named Elliot, who is gay. Alex and Elliot end up forming a connection that causes Alex to rethink his sexuality.

First off, let me start by saying that I actually enjoyed this movie. At least, I enjoyed the end of it. And I enjoyed a good chunk of the middle as well. But there was a lot in this movie that either just didn’t need to be there or shouldn’t have been there because it was straight up offensive.

But let’s start with the stuff that I did like. I liked the relationship between Alex and Elliot. A lot. It was cute. Like, Simon and Blue levels of cute at points. Elliot is such an interesting and fun character and he has a lot of chemistry with Alex. Every scene the two of them were on screen together I was smiling. I would have liked to have even more of them in the movie, because he kind of disappears after the first act and a half and doesn’t show up again until the end.

I also enjoyed a lot of the interactions between Alex and Claire. There were some that were kind of problematic but for the most part, they were pretty cute. And I liked their friendship by the end of the film.

There was also this one line that was handled really well. Claire’s mother has some sort of cancer (a fact that like...never really does anything for the plot of the story? but whatever) and while Claire and Alex are having a fight, she tells Claire, “You can stay mad. But what I do know is...We’re not gonna be on this earth forever. And being angry is an exhausting way to spend your day.” Which is already a pretty good line on its own, I guess. But this line has a lot more weight behind it because Claire’s mother is like, literally dying of cancer so she knows better than anybody that her time is limited. I just think that was handled really well.

Okay, before I address the things I liked about the ending, I want to talk about all of the stuff I didn’t like about this film. And let’s start with the big one. The grandaddy of all issues with this film.

The character of Dell.

Dell is the worst fucking character I have ever had the displeasure of watching on screen. He’s completely unsympathetic, he’s an asshole, lowkey homophobic, transphobic, self-centered, all around a terrible human being. Absolutely the worst. I would have given this movie 4 or 5 stars if this character did not exist. Straight up.

Let’s break down all of the terrible shit this character says and does in this movie:

When Claire tells Alex’s friends that they haven’t had sex yet, he tells Alex that he’s just “lost his dick.” Basically saying he’s not a man anymore because his girlfriend just, idk said a thing about them that’s true? I mean I guess it’s their private life and she shouldn’t have been blabbing about that but like for one is it really that big of a deal? Anyway, insinuating that he’s less of a man by saying that he no longer has a penis is INCREDIBLY transphobic. Because you have to have a penis to be a man, I guess.

He then transitions into homophobic comments, calling Alex gay because he hasn’t had sex with Claire yet. He tries to pass it of as an honest suggestion, but the tone in his voice, the delivery from the actor, it’s really clear that Dell is making fun of Alex for this. Which is beyond fucked up.

That’s not the only problematic stuff he says, either. This kid says a BUNCH of fucked up shit. Like SO much. I’m gonna do my best to try and summarize it but it’s a LOT:

He has this whole scene where he basically makes fun of trans and non-binary people, poking fun at this genderqueer character by calling them out and saying, “Hey, Sidney. Are you into vagina or dick?” “I’m attracted to the person.” Whatever the fuck that means.” 

In the same scene, when Alex tells him he might be bi, he decides to whip out his dick and show Alex, and when Alex reacts negatively to seeing the unsolicited penis of a person he does not consider himself attracted to, Dell insinuates that see he can’t be bi because he’s clearly not into dick. There are so many things wrong with that? First, you don’t just randomly whip your dick out to people, that’s just not a thing you do, Dell. That’s literally sexual harassment. Second, just because somebody is gay or bi or whatever doesn’t mean that they’re into fucking everybody of that gender. Third, genitals does not equal gender. Somebody who identifies as gay doesn’t necessarily have to be attracted to penis genitalia specifically. Because not everybody who is a boy has a penis, and not everybody who has a penis is a boy. It’s honestly just remarkable how homophobic and transphobic this movie about gay characters can really be. (And people think this is better representation than Love, Simon??? But I’ll come back to that.)

He also makes an offhand comment about the fucking NAMBLA (North American Man/Boy Love Association, aka a pedophile organization), but I’m not even going to get into that.

There’s also this really pointless and painfully unfunny subplot, I guess if you could call it that, where Alex’s friends get this exotic frog that acts as a psychedelic if you lick it. Dell licks it, and then promptly loses the frog, and spends the rest of the party tripping balls. And it just leads to interruptions of genuinely sweet scenes with Alex and Elliot with scenes of Dell tripping out and hallucinating and shit. It was kind of funny the first time when he made an offhand comment about a singing garden hose and then it showed a yodeling hose animatronic. But after that it’s just painful. Really painful.

There are some other smaller problems I had with the movie, just some weird awkward lines and things that I didn’t necessarily like their inclusion (Claire keeps telling Alex to shut up while they’re having sex; I think that’s supposed to be funny because he’s babbling but like? Clearly that’s the kind of sexual being that Alex is and she shouldn’t try to put that down???? Communication is important in sex and like it’s about having fun with your partner not these set expectations of what it’s supposed to be like stop watching porn and actually go out and experience something for once anyway I’m rambling) but they don’t really hinder the experience nearly as much as literally every second that Dell is on screen.

Anyway, let’s get into the ending. Because I honestly really liked the ending.

Spoiler alert, but Alex eventually settles on the label of gay. I understand the arguments against this, how he initially identified as bi in the movie and that a) this robs us of potential bi representation, which we are severely lacking and b) it reinforces the stereotype that bisexual is just a stepping stone label to straight or gay, lending to bisexual erasure as a whole. I totally agree with this arguments. But I also try to keep that in the back of my mind while watching it so I can actually just enjoy the gay representation we do get. Those arguments are totally valid, but I don’t think it ruins the movie for me.

Anyway, so the way the movie ends, is Alex falls into a pool chasing after the frog (this literally was so pointless oh my god) and has a flashback to a memory where he got a boner looking at other guys at summer camp and when he comes out of it he realizes he’s gay. Then Claire finds him and he tells her he’s gay. Claire is understandably upset by the fact that her boyfriend of three years was actually gay the entire time, and feels hurt and confused. Eventually, however, they talk about it and they come to an understanding. Claire accepts Alex and accepts the situation, Alex tells her that he does love her. They talk a little bit about attraction and how Alex had been lying to himself for a long time. It’s a really well done scene for the most part (Claire does suggest it’s a phase which aaaaa but like, overall the scene was well-handled).

After that, Claire and Alex stay friends, and form an actual genuine friendship which I think was really neat. Claire is honestly the MVP of this movie because of what she does at the end. So Alex and Claire decide to still go to Prom together, but Claire invites Elliot. And honestly, the movie could have ended there with him and Elliot dancing and I would have been happy, but it actually keeps going for a little bit. Alex kind of freaks out because everybody is staring at him. He runs off to the bathroom and Elliot comes and talks to him, eventually getting upset and hurt by the fact that Alex seems to be embarrassed to be seen with him in public and says he’s going to leave, but Alex ends up swallowing his fear and kissing him on the dance floor in front of everybody (a bit over dramatic but tbh so was the Ferris Wheel scene in Love, Simon so). It then cuts to a really heartwarming scene of Alex and Claire on their webshow where Alex starts to talk about his experiences understanding his sexuality and coming out, and it pans out, showing a bunch of other videos of other people talking about their experiences with their sexualities and coming out and such. (I’ll admit; I got pretty teary-eyed at the end there.)

And that’s Alex Strangelove. A pretty good movie that I feel gets completely and utterly ruined by that one character. Overall I think I liked the good things about the movie as much as I detested the bad, so I give the movie a 3/5 overall.

Now, to address the comparisons to Love, Simon.

There was a tumblr post circulating a little while ago, who I’m not going to name the OP because I don’t want them to get blasted with hate or anything (honestly they’ve probably already gotten a lot for that post even though they explicitly said that it wasn’t a hate on Love, Simon post. Don’t send people hate guys. It’s not cool.) This tumblr post had a few key arguments to it, with the thesis of it being that Alex Strangelove accomplished what Love, Simon couldn’t. What was Love, Simon trying to accomplish that it failed at? Well according to this tumblr post:

Love, Simon does not address sexualities other than “straight” and “gay” whereas Alex Strangelove talks openly about bi, pan, ace, etc.

Love, Simon is lacking in sexual content, taking, in their words “the sex out of sexuality,” whereas Alex Strangelove is a film that deals heavily with the concept of sex

Love, Simon is a very dated movie with how it handles certain things, and Alex Strangelove is a fresh and modern take on the concept of sexuality and discovery.

Okay, first things first. This person is comparing two completely different movies that are trying to accomplish completely different things. Love, Simon is a family movie. Alex Strangelove is most definitely not.

Alex Strangelove sets out to tell a story of discovery, of acceptance of ones self and of others. It is a film about coming to terms with one’s sexuality. Love, Simon is a film not about discovery and acceptance, but courage to speak the truth. Alex discovers more about himself and his sexuality as the film progresses; Simon already knows he’s gay, he accepts it, he just hasn’t felt any desire to actually come out and tell anybody about it.

And side note; but Love, Simon’s lack of sexual content I feel is a good thing. Not only because it’s a family film, but because gay people are often fetishized or sexualized in movies, even movies about gay people (see: the Eating Out series, Another Gay Movie, even indie art films like Shortbus and Call Me By Your Name.) They all deal with sexual relationships between gay characters, and while that’s find because gay people are sexual beings just like straight people are, it’s by no means all we are. And only showing those kinds of relationships as representation is harmful because it only reinforces the stereotype that homosexuality is inherently sexual. This is the reason why gay characters and relationships weren’t allowed on TV or movies, especially in kids programming, for the longest time. It’s why Legend of Korra had to stick an ambiguous confirmation in the last scene of its show, by Willow and Tara from Buffy the Vampire Slayer weren’t allowed to even kiss on screen or confirm that they were in a romantic relationship until they had been together for basically an entire season or two, and it’s why Love, Simon is the first mainstream romantic comedy featuring a gay lead ever. Gay people are too often sexualized by the media and saying that this was a point against Love, Simon is missing the point of the movie entirely, if you ask me.

I think that Alex Strangelove’s purpose is that of teaching teens more about exploring themselves sexually and discovering things about themselves and how that’s natural and okay and how you need to be honest with yourself if you want to truly be happy and free. Love, Simon, in contrast, is a story for people who already have gone through that process, already know who they are, and now just need to learn that it’s okay to be open about that, to tell others, to be your true self. Completely different messages, completely different movies. 

The argument that Love, Simon didn’t accomplish what Alex Strangelove did is inapplicable because they were never trying to accomplish the same task.

Also, the last argument that Love, Simon didn’t give us any lead POC roles, uhhhhh did you watch the movie? Nick and Abby, two of the main leads who appear in all of the promotional material, are black. Bram, the person that Simon ends up with at the end of the movie, is black, and Jewish, and gay. Then there’s also Ethan, another black and gay student at Creekwood, and Ms. Albright, the black drama teacher. And, it’s a very minor role I don’t think he actually even has any speaking lines but Martin’s friend Suraj is Indian. That’s like most of the main cast? But anyway.

Love, Simon and Alex Strangelove. Two good movies (though my preference still lies with Love, Simon) with different goals in mind. Two movies that really can not be compared past the fact that they both deal with gay characters and relationships. This is a similar issue with the seemingly popular comparison between Love, Simon and Call Me By Your Name, the last gay-led movie that became popular. Love, Simon is a romantic comedy about coming out, whereas Call Me By Your Name is a tragic drama about a boy who falls in love with a man and enters an intense, passionate, but not entirely healthy relationship with him. They both have gay leads, but they are by no means comparable otherwise. You wouldn’t compare Titanic to Star Wars, just because they both have straight lead characters, so why would you compare Love, Simon to Alex Strangelove, or Call Me By Your Name or whatever just because they both have gay lead characters. There’s a logical fallacy somewhere in there that I can’t exactly pinpoint because I’m running on three hours of sleep, but yeah.

So that’s my opinion. I know this is a fucking long post and I applaud any of you who read it all the way through. I just wanted to get my thoughts out and hopefully this helps somebody understand both of these movies better. :)

[jasonfry]

More catching up with movies everyone’s seen but me. Baseball’s almost here so I better hurry....

Jezebel (1938)

It’s not exactly a portrait in subtlety -- I was actually close to giggles as Bette Davis exited surrounded by flames and accompanied by a yowling choir -- but it’s kind of fun. Davis is great as Julie Marsden, an antebellum New Orleans belle who keeps blowing through social stop signs to cause trouble, with escalating consequences. Davis (supposedly given the part as a make-good for being passed over for Gone With the Wind) plays Julie’s struggle wonderfully, showing us a lot with just a glimmer in her eyes and a certain set to her mouth. As well as with her wardrobe: there are few movies in which clothing is as important as this one, and it’s no accident that Julie’s always in the wrong outfit. 

Henry Fonda is his usual stiff and decent self, with a side of purse-lipped repression -- his Pres Dillard and Davis’s Julie are both trapped by social conventions they either can’t escape or can’t quite imagine setting aside. In the movie’s key scene, Julie wears a red dress in defiance of New Orleans conventions about what unmarried women can wear. Her social misstep clears the floor in a ballroom and she realizes she’s gone too far -- only to have Pres force her to finish the waltz at the center of dozens of icy stares.

The rest of Jezebel is less interesting -- the black characters are reduced to insulting comic relief from start to finish, and Julie’s unconvincing bid for redemption saddles Davis with some truly ghastly dialogue. But that ballroom scene is a showstopper, Davis is watchable throughout, and there’s enough bubbling beneath the surface to keep you thinking.

San Francisco (1936)

Clark Gable stars as Blackie Norton, a ne’er-do-well nightclub owner in San Francisco’s dodgy Barbary Coast neighborhood who hires talented singer Mary Blake (Jeanette MacDonald), then winds up in a tug of war for her after Mary catches the eye of Nob Hill kingpin Jack Burley. Oh, and then all that’s interrupted by the 1906 quake.

The idea for San Francisco came from Hoppy Hopkins, an MGM gag man and dialogue fixer with a colorful past who formed half of a rather unique writing team with the great Anita Loos. Hoppy generally left the actual writing and pitching to his partner, and this bit of film lore helps explain why: his idea for San Francisco, as told to Loos, was “there’s this canary who thinks her cunt’s just for piss and this cocksucker of a priest and this brass-balled gambler who get thrown together during the earthquake.”

Wow. Anyway, Gable happily chews scenery as the gambler, and Spencer Tracy makes the most of his scenes as the priest, bringing some weight to a stock role. MacDonald’s less interesting as the canary, but some of that’s by design: she’s stuck as the prize in a contest between two powerful men, a singer rendered voiceless by circumstances and conventions. In the movie’s best scene, MacDonald meets Burley’s mother (Jessie Ralph), who tells her about her rags-to-riches upbringing -- a capsule San Francisco history that’s really about the constraints on women and the necessity for them to appease, manage and outmaneuver men. That scene is a Loos cry from the heart, one that cuts through the melodrama to hint at a much more interesting story.

The earthquake special effects are pretty good for 1936, but the movie loses its nerve after the buildings come down, sticking the characters with a lame redemption narrative. Oh well. By the way, the song “San Francisco” was penned for this movie, adopted by the city as one of its official anthems and is still heard today.

The Third Man (1949)

Orson Welles’s arrival in The Third Man is one of the great movie reveals. Before that, you get a claustrophobic, off-kilter thriller, as scuffling pulp writer Holly Martins (Joseph Cotton) tries to navigate the ruins of postwar Vienna and discover who killed his friend Harry Lime. Director Carol Reed uses Dutch angles and light and shadows to keep us off-guard as Holly encounters more of Harry’s creepy friends and sinks deeper into the mire of his investigation.

Holly solves the mystery, but it’s no real solution. The reveal is wonderful not just for the puckish expression on Welles’s face, but also how Reed builds it out of little elements. (That’s right, we were told that little detail about the cat, weren’t we?) Welles’s speech atop a Ferris wheel is a pitch-perfect bit of brutality, and then the movie ends with a long, enigmatic sequence Reed had to fight to keep. The movie’s over and you’re still guessing. Like The Magnificent Ambersons, this is a movie I’ve kept thinking about and know I’ll have to see again.

Murder, My Sweet (1944)

Dick Powell is Philip Marlowe, Raymond Chandler’s famous private eye, in this adaptation of Farewell, My Lovely and a key early film noir. I can see why it’s so influential, but its descendants built something better on the foundations. Powell doesn’t make much of an impression as Marlowe, though his supporting cast is strong -- particularly Mike Mazurki, a wrestler who’s all too convincing as unhinged goon Moose Malloy, and Claire Trevor as the inevitable femme fatale. BTW, the title was changed because Powell was best known as a crooner at the time -- he’d lost out on the starring role in Double Indemnity, another early film noir that’s a bookend of sorts to this film -- and RKO feared moviegoers would see the title and Powell’s name and assume the film was another musical.

King Solomon’s Mines (1950)

A “darkest Africa” travelogue from the 1885 H.R. Haggard adventure novel, the second of five adaptations. I held my breath when I started watching this one -- generally speaking, time has not been kind to depictions of Africans in such movies. King Solomon’s Mines is surprisingly progressive in that regard -- the Africans are treated as exotic “others,” but they’re not mocked, infantilized or reduced to comic relief. It was also interesting to note the reverberations in other films -- Out of Africa’s shampoo scene is basically lifted from King Solomon’s Mines, Black Panther has a king challenged to single combat, and so on. And the wildlife scenes, while nothing special today, were probably pretty eye-popping in 1950. 

What didn’t work for me -- at all -- was the role of Elizabeth Curtis. The fault isn’t Deborah Kerr’s -- she does the best she can -- but the script’s. At any given moment Elizabeth is screaming, fainting, being attacked by an animal (seriously, it’s like she’s a magnet for the entire wildlife population) or sometimes being kissed. She’s either a nuisance or a prize, but never anything more than that, and it rankles even for a movie made in 1950.