#i’ll go back to feeling actually okay eventually and then convince myself i don’t have bpd again (this has happened so many times)

[spidersunny]

i kinda should talk about bpd symptoms with a professional at some point so that i can adopt healthier thought patterns and not end up in a terrible headspace every time i am alone thinking for too long but also the thought of TALKING about SYMPTOMS with a PROFESSIONAL makes me want to blow up! i’ll get there though

[tojiscumdumpster]

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ i. suguru

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⭑๋࣭ summary page

please refresh your memory of the content warnings that's mentioned on the summary page. this chapter will include s*xual activites.

Ah, fuck, baby. Just like that.”

 No. I lied. Not just like that. 

 I’ve been in the bathroom for twenty minutes with some chick, whose name I can’t remember, getting probably the worst head I’ve ever had in my life. I’m pretty sure I’m still soft, but her self-esteem won’t allow her pride to be tarnished by the lack of abilities she has to make me come. 

 She approached me while I was having drinks with Satoru, Shoko, and Nanami. Well, really Shoko and Nanami because Satoru just keeps getting sugary milkshakes. Anyways, that’s not the point. She approached me. I thought she had nice lips, which I thought could be utilized to please me, but instead, she couldn’t stop talking.

 “Do you like that, baby?” she asked, for maybe the tenth time. 

 I groaned. Though, not in the way that she thinks. I couldn’t do this anymore, and I knew her knees were hurting. “No. Look, Akane,” I sigh, pulling her off me and lifting her to meet my face. “I don’t—”

 “Ayame,” she interrupted. I gave her a confused look. “My name is Ayame. Not, Akane.”

 My right eye twitched. “Okay, Ayame . Look,” I began, adjusting myself back in my pants. “I don’t like it. It’s okay, though. Maybe it’s not you. Maybe I’m just tired. But hey, I’ll get your number and we can try this some other time. Okay?”

 “Ugh, whatever.” 

 I eventually got her number before we made our way out of the bathroom. I’m not going to text her. I was just trying to make her feel better.

 My plans were never to hook up with anyone tonight, let alone leave my apartment. But Satoru insisted I needed to come out of my shell more. 

 I’m pretty sure that was code for, you need to get laid.

 I argued with him that I don’t need anything. It wasn’t hard for me to find someone to have sex with. I’ve just been on a break because I haven’t found anyone who matches my libido or someone I actually enjoyed.

 Don’t get me wrong—most of the women I’ve been with are beautiful. Physically, my type. However, they’re just too boring. Too prissy. It’s like they’re trying to prove something to me when I fuck them. 

 The unnecessary loud moaning.

 The unnatural facial expressions when they come.

 Not wanting to be kissed after I eat their pussy, which I find strange because why wouldn’t you want to taste yourself? Questionable .

 Anyways. This is the last time I’m allowing Satoru to drag me out of my apar—

 My thoughts were interrupted by someone running into me. 

 “Oh! I’m sorry.”

 That. . . That voice. Sultry. Raspy. All I heard were three words and I felt at ease. Her scent was alluring. Sweet. Delicate. I’m picking up notes of warm berries, creamy vanilla. Maybe cacao? She smells so fucking good. But when I looked at her? I’m convinced she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever fucking laid eyes on.

 Her complexion reminded me of autumn. Deep and warm. Those chestnut-colored doe eyes I knew I would become lost in if I didn’t look away. It didn’t take long before I took notice of the fullness of her lips. They were two different colors. Brown on top and pink on bottom, coated with a clear gloss.  Gosh, I want to suck them. I want to suck them so fucking badly until she becomes whiny. My cock is getting hard just thinking—

 “Hello?” she spoke again. 

  Suguru, what the fuck?

 I looked down and noticed my fingers were still caged around her soft flesh. I immediately pulled away. “S-Sorry,” I stammered. Why am I so damn nervous?

 She looked at me through narrow eyes with a hint of playfulness. “It’s okay. . . Well, enjoy your night.” 

 “Wait!” Before she turned away from me, I impulsively reached for her wrist to prevent her from leaving.

 Those brown hues that were amorous turned dark, daggers that penetrated my head. They were a warning to let her go. They make me want to be submit. So I didn’t let go.

 “What’s your name?”

 I still see the daggers in her eyes, however, she slightly raised her brows while tilting her head out of confusion— boldness —of my decision to not let go of her wrist. My expression is deadpan, but I feel heat rushing to my body, to my cock.

 She drags her eyes up my frame, stopping at the front of my pants that caused my dick to twitch in response. She chuckled, snatched her wrist, and walked away from me. 

 I stood where she left me, lust filled and wishful thinking about how desperately I want her. No, need her. And by the end of the night, I'll know how she feels around me.

Later that night. . .

 I sit at the booth, dividing my attention between the conversation being held at the table and the bar, where the woman I ran into earlier sits. I can’t stop thinking about fucking her. The image of her thick curves plays in my mind. She’s so sexy. That backless dress that clung to her hips drove me insane. I was craving those love handles. I wanted to hold them, bite them to leave territorial marks.  

 What the fuck is wrong with me? This instant lust was foreign to me. I don’t remember the last time my cock was this eager. Maybe never.

But it's just something about her that has arousal fucking burn through my veins.

 “Suguru!” Satoru’s voice tore me away from my perverted thoughts. 

 “Huh?” I answered, but my attention was still on the bar.

 He pouted. “Are you even listening to me?”

 “Uhm, yeah. You were talking about throwing a surprise party for Utahime.” I'm hoping I'm right because the last thing I need is to hear a speech about how I always ignore him.

 “No. That was thirty minutes ago.”

 “Okay, sorry. Repeat what you said.” 

 He sighed. “There’s no point. You’re not even looking at me. What are you even looking at over. . . Ohhh, I see.” I knew Satoru would begin mocking me based on his voice and how he slurped the remnants of probably his fourth milkshake tonight. “Aren’t you glad I dragged you out tonight? If I didn’t, you wouldn’t have seen her,” he says, scooting closer to nudge me. “She’s gorgeous.”

  I snapped my attention back to Satoru, glowering him.

 Why? She wasn't my girlfriend. I don’t even know her name, but she was off-limits. 

 I know she’s gorgeous. He didn’t have to fucking tell me that. 

 I decided not to play into his obvious game. My time can be used elsewhere, like sitting next to that beautiful woman. I’ve been watching her for the past three hours, seeing how several men, at least ten or more approached her with their advances. 

 She declined every single last one. But I didn’t care. Seeing her reject a couple of men would never hurt my ego. . . especially since I knew she’d be mine.

 I had nothing to worry about.

 I left the table for the second time tonight and this time, I’m not planning on returning. 

 Every step I took brought me closer to the woman of my dreams. Her rich scent starts to fill my senses and I'm almost positive I've developed a smell kink because of her.

 Shit, if she smells like that, I could only image how her pussy is. I'd do anything to run my nose between her folds.

  Focus, Suguru. You can’t go over there hard. 

 Yes, I can, and I will. 

 I was close enough to be in the shot of her peripheral, making her notice me. She sized me up before giving her attention back to the large televisions surrounding the bar.

 I smirked. She’s enticing. She may or may not make me work for pussy, but I don’t mind at all. 

 Of course, I’m a gentleman, so I asked if the seat next to her was taken. I’m sure the other guys asked her this same question. I saw her reject them. She didn’t say yes or no to me, so naturally I took it as a yes. 

 I nod at the bartender. “Open a tab for me. Double Hibiki on the rocks, and add this lovely lady’s tab onto mine,” I told him. 

 “I can pay for my tab,” she says, eyes remaining on the TV. 

 “I don’t remember saying that you couldn’t. Now did I?” I saw her roll her eyes, which made me chuckle. Fuck, I like her even more. “Are you going to tell me your name now?”

 She lightly scoffs. “Why are you being so clingy over a name? And common courtesy, you introduce yourself before asking for someone’s name. Do you lack mannerisms?” 

 Twenty-four words.

 That’s how many words she spoke to me, and I watched her plush lips pronounce every last syllable. 

 She speaks to me with such spice, but I know she’d sound so sweet while my cock is deep inside of her. 

 “You’re right. Maybe you can forgive my lack of mannerisms ,” I say, teasingly. “My name is Geto Suguru.”

 She finally gives me her attention, scanning my arms that are painted with tattoos before actually looking at my face, leisurely. But says nothing and returns to watch whatever is on TV. 

 I continued, “I didn’t get your name?” The bartender placed my whiskey in front of me and I gave him my gratitude while waiting for her name. 

 “Because I didn’t give it. What do you want anyways? Placed a bet with your friends to see if you could get an older woman’s number? Hm?”

 I threw my hands up in surrender, chucking. “No, and older? We’re probably the same age. I can even argue that you’re younger than me.”

 “Ha, I doubt it.”

 “Twenty-seven.”

 “Me or you?” she asks.

 “Me.” I take another sip of my drink. “You?”

 “Damn, you want my name and age? Should I give you my ID number, too?” 

  She’s such a fucking tease. 

 “I’ll settle for your name and age.” For now. 

 Her lips part into a smile that pulls strings inside my chest. “Settle?”

 I smirk. “I just want to make sure I can be in this territory.”

 We lock eyes. Hers shines curiosity and mine shines intent. I want her to understand that I’m not going anywhere unless it’s with her. For a moment, I allowed my eyes to fall on her gloss-coated lips, then the rest of her body to make my message clear. Something in me wanted the boldness to leak and tell her how badly I wanted her to fuck her, but I chose to play it safe. 

 “Thirty-five.”

 “Me or you?” I teased, earning another eye roll from her. 

 “And for your information,”—she raises her left hand—“territory off limits. I have a husband.”

 Oh, so she is married. 

 Funny she thinks that’s going to stop me. Like I’m supposed to give a fuck. 

 “Well, I think it’s silly that your husband is allowing such a beautiful woman such as yourself”—my eyes roam along her curves—“to come out alone and potentially have other men make a move on her. No?”

 She narrowed her eyes. “What are you trying to say, Geto? Just spit it out.”

  Say my fucking name like that again. 

 I got up from my seat, invading her personal space to ghost my lips along her ear, making it clear, “I want to fuck you. . . so badly. ” The last words came out as a faint whisper. 

 I stood there for a moment so my clear message could linger. If I didn’t know any better, her breathing quickened for a moment. I sat back in my seat and watched her attentively to see if I could catch a reaction. Her face showed none, but the subtle uncrossing and crossing of her legs told me everything I needed to know. 

 She’s aroused.

  Wet .

 Dripping. 

 But she didn’t say anything. Only cleared her throat and sipped on her near-empty glass of wine. 

 We sat in silence for at least ten minutes, and just when I was about to call the bartender for another round for the both of us, she stood up. She started walking away, and rather than reaching for her wrist like I did the last time, I watched her sway her full hips in the direction of the restrooms. She has been drinking, so of course she probably needs to go clear her system. However, the small look over her shoulders in my direction said otherwise. 

 I chugged the rest of my whiskey, pulled out cash, leaving more than needed, and followed her. 

Our lips collided, kissing recklessly like two horny college kids at a frat party. I felt myself becoming greedy and eager to have my hands run along her curves. Her tits, waist, neck—I didn't know which part of her body to focus on because having under the touch of my hands feels so fucking good. 

 And it didn't help hearing those faint whimpers every grip and nip on her flesh I left. 

 Maybe my movements are fervent, but I don't give a fuck. Sucking on soft lips to taste those sweet sounds is all I've thought about since I laid my eyes on her. Kissing her alone could make me come in my pants. 

 My cock is screaming for a release, being uncomfortable due to the restraint of my pants that keeps its hardness from fully erecting. I’m in between wanting to take my time with her and being eager to fuck her, so I choose the latter.

 I lifted her with ease onto the sink and break out kiss to drag my lips across her flesh. I suck, nip, and lick that sweet neck of hers. Her whimpers turn into soft moans, and I couldn’t get enough of how sexy she fucking sounds. Not forced. Not trying to impress me. Just pure bliss. 

 I found my way between her breasts to leave open mouthed kisses while pinching her nipples through the sheer material of her dress. She reacts by lacing her fingers through my hair and pull me closer until I've suffocating against her chest.

 Fucking hell. She's needy, too?

 “Geto,” she moans. 

 “Hm? What’s wrong, pretty girl?”

 “ I need more. ”

 “You need more, what?” I ask, pulling down her straps to expose her breasts. 

 They’re so full. I’m met with the prettiest tits I've ever seen. Naturally saggy. Slight stretch marks. Dark brown peaks.

 They’re fucking perfect. 

 I continue, “Use your words. I don’t know what you need if you don’t tell me.” Then start sucking on her nipples. 

 Her gasps fill the bathroom, and while I’m showing love to her breasts, she begins hiking up her dress and spreads her legs. 

 I smell her. 

 How wet she is. 

 Her scent is telling me that she’s dying to cream on my cock. But I need to hear it. 

 “Geto. . . I need you to fuck me, ” she purrs.

 I stopped sucking her breasts to level with her face. Both of our hues are darkening with an appetite for each other. Lust. Hunger. A need for a release. I pulled out a condom from my pocket and held it in my mouth. Without breaking our contact, I unbuckle my pants to push down, along with my briefs, in one motion to free my dick. She looked down and sucked in a sharp breath before bringing her eyes back up to me. 

 She’s probably thinking that she can’t take me. But she will. That’s what I’m here for. To help her and make sure she does. 

 I ripped the wrapper with my teeth to roll on my cock, still not taking my eyes off her. I will never stop watching her. I need to see her reaction to everything I do.

 When I finish pushing her dress up to her waist.

 When her brows draw together when I pull her panties to the side and run my fingers along her puffy folds to rub her clit. 

 She looks so damn pretty when she’s pleased. I’m anticipating her face when I’m finally inside her. 

 I pull her to the edge of the sink, lining myself up to her entrance to push in. Though, I was met with an intrusion. My head was barely in.

 When was the last time she got fucked? 

 “Hm, stubborn we’re being. Aren’t we?” I taunt. 

 “It’s been a minute,” she teases back. 

 That’s fine. We’ll fix that.

 I bring my fingers back to her pussy to warm up her walls. The moment I slipped inside, she immediately clenched around my fingers. I only had two in and I felt like I was being pushed out again. I’m not going anywhere, though.

 I pump my digits in and out of her, pulling the most obnoxious and pornographic sounds of wetness. It’s like music to my ears. My only intent was to open her up a bit, but I could tell she was dying to come. 

 She looks at me through lidded eyes, softly panting and holding my wrist. I pick up my speed while now rubbing her clit with my thumb. Her pussy was squeezing the feeling out of my fingers, indicating she was about to come. So she held my hand in place to ride out her orgasm. 

 “ F-Fuck . . . Geto. I’m coming.” Earlier she was spicy to me, but now she cries and sounds so sweet dripping on my fingers.  

 She’s open and ready to come for me again. 

 I grabbed my cock to slam myself inside of her in one motion, which gifted me with a sharp cry I’m sure anyone outside could hear. She slapped her hand over her mouth to muffle the sounds of pleasure, but I shook my head and removed her hand. 

 “When I’m inside of you” —I pulled back— “When I’m making you cum.” —I pushed in— “You call me Suguru. Okay?” She nodded, placing her hand below my abdomen to hold my shirt up to prepare for my thrusts. “Good girl.”

 I didn’t let her adjust to my size. She could take it. I know she can. I start fucking her with hunger while keeping her legs apart. Gosh, she’s so fucking tight. So wet and warm. I doubt her husband knows what to do with her pussy because she wouldn’t be here crying on my cock. 

 I stuff every inch of me in her depths to pull out her moans. To watch how gorgeous she looks while being fucked. I want to ask her if can I feel her raw because this fucking rubber is preventing me from feeling her a hundred percent. But I don’t want to show my greed

 Not yet, at least. 

 I’ve never had pussy this good before. Pussy that’s leaking and creaming all over me. No one else deserves this but me. Fucking pussy this good is pure luck, and I feel like the luckiest man alive. 

 “You’re doing so good, Suguru. This feels so fucking good,” she cries. “Fuck me harder.”

 Her praise makes my dick twitch. Imagine being praised by someone with pussy as good as hers. 

  I’m so lucky. 

 However, her need for more makes me possessive. I ripped her away from the sink to place her back against the door and fucked her against it. The door jiggles from our intense fucking and it only jumps more the harder I fuck her. 

 “W-Wait. S-Suguru, it’s too. . . it’s too much, ” she stammered through breathy moans. "You’re too big."

 I clicked my tongue. “You begged me to fuck you harder and now it’s too much?” I shook my head. “Take this cock like a good girl because I know you can. I know you can. Just take it for me. Okay? Hm? Will you do that for me? I just want to make you come one more time. Is that okay?”

 Every word I spoke to her I felt her squeezing my cock. I can feel her coming again soon. She just needed reassurance. 

 “. . . Okay. I’ll take it, Suguru. I’ll take it .”

 I repeatedly pecked her lips. “Fuck. Thank you, angel. Thank you for giving me this good pussy. This fat wet pussy. Do you realize how good you feel?”

 I continued pounding into her pussy and noticed her tits falling out of her dress with every thrust I made. Her chestnut-colored hues glossed with pleasure and tears began pricking the corner of her eyes. 

 She's high off my fucking. Not her pathetic ass husband. I don't even know the guy, but how much of a dickhead you have to be to not worship as mesmerizing as she is?

 I think I’m infatuated. 

 No, I think I love her. She needs to be mine, and mine only.

 I’m the only motherfucker that needs to fuck her like this. I'm not letting this just be a one night stand. I’m going to make her come again tonight. Tomorrow. The day after. The weekend. All day, every day. Only me. 

  Suguru, relax.

 I’m so lost in my thoughts, but her heightened moans brought me back. She doesn’t care about being loud anymore. Yes. Cry my name loud enough so the whole restaurant knows who’s making you come like a slut in the bathroom. 

 “Yes. Oh, fuck, yes! Give it to me, Suguru. Give it,” she begs while rubbing her clit. “I’m about to come again.”

 I push past my thrusts, digging my fingers into her flesh to keep her in place. “Look at my pretty girl taking this fucking cock.” I fuck her with the energy of a lion chasing its prey. “Like this?”

  She nods, desperately. "Yes. Yes, like that, Sugu. I'm coming. I'm fucking coming."

 I’m indecisive about letting her moans roam freely or devouring them with a kiss. And she looks so pretty. That fucking smile while libido pumps through her veins has my cock jumping inside of her unruly. I’m doing my best to hold back my release, but the feel of her pussy is not making it easy. 

 I look down between us and fucking groan from seeing the creamy mess she’s making. My cock down to my balls. The hem of my shirt. Her thighs. Even after she orgasmed, her pussy grips me. How could I not be greedy?

 “One more?” I panted, smirking. 

 Her eyes blew wide. “S-Suguru, no. I don’t think I can.”

 “So why is your fucking pussy still squeezing me?” I was left with nothing but a whimper. “Exactly. Keep rubbing your clit until you come again and squirt all over me.”

 I remove her from the door to hook my arms under her thighs to have her meet with my intense thrusts. She hooks one of her hands around my neck while the other is being used to play with herself. I feel my balls growing heavy and slapping against her sex.

 I was recklessly fucking her pussy like I have no home training. I moan for her. Call for her despite me not knowing her name. I’m lucky. I’m so, so lucky. Fuck her husband. This pussy is mine. I don’t care if this is our first encounter. I’ll kill over pussy like this. 

 “Ahh, fuck!” I growled. My release crept up to the tip of my cock and sprayed the inside of the condom while I fucked her through both of our orgasms. She came between us, drenching my cock, shirt, and pants with her squirt. 

 I hope she doesn’t think this is the last time we’ll see each other.

 I rest my face on the side of her cheek, breaking heavily from that intense orgasm. I know the condom is filled to the stop. I had years worth of come built inside of me, and I still feel like I have more to give. 

 She looks at me, eyes still filled with lust and smirks. “Not too bad, Geto.”

 “I thought I told you to call me Suguru,” I say, leaving kisses on her neck.

 “You said only when I’m coming on your dick.”

 She listens.

 “I did say that. Didn’t I?” I let out an airy chuckle. “Still call me Suguru.”

 “Okay, Suguru .” It rolls off her tongue perfectly even when she’s not moaning. “I enjoyed myself.”

 I nipped on her jawline before meeting her lips with a sensual kiss. “I did too. I want to do it again.”

 “You got three nuts out of me. How needy can you be?” she teases.

 If only she knew.

 “No. Not tonight. I mean, I wouldn’t mind, but not tonight. Another time.”

 She looks at me in confusion. “One night stands aren’t your cup of tea?” She taps my shoulders to let her down so she can start fixing herself. We shared a final moan when I removed my cock from her pussy. The lost contact makes me want her more. 

 “Yeah, they are, " I answered. "But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with enjoying each other’s company. No?”

 “No, but”–she pulls down her dress—“you’re forgetting that I’m married.”

 I arched my brow, teasingly. “Did I forget or did you?”

 She glares at me. “Seems like I have a thing for jackasses with good dick.”

 There goes that spice again.

 “Look. That’s not what I meant and you know that.”

 “Ha. Oh, do I?” 

 I watched her finish adjusting herself in the mirror, grabbing her purse, and heading for the door. The moment her hand lands on the handle, I put my hand on top of hers to keep the knob from turning. By all means, she’s not a short woman. Maybe five-foot-seven at most. But even with heels, I tower her. 

 Wrapping my free arm around her waist, I push myself against her so she can feel my erection against her ass. My lips meet with her ear, and I know she’s affected by my actions because I heard the moment her breath hitched.

 “It’s just. . . you’re so damn beautiful. You can’t give me that good pussy and expect me to only want it once,” I whisper. “I haven’t even tasted you yet.”

 “ Suguru . . .” Her voice was soft, barely above a hushed tone.

 “Hm?”

 She turns around. Our eyes lock once more. Her plush lips ghost over mines, nearly kissing me, but says, “Go fuck yourself,” and walks out the door. 

 Yeah. I think I love her. 

 I follow behind her like a lost puppy. “Wait!” She stops in the hallway near the bathrooms. “You still didn’t give me your name.”

 Smirking over her shoulder, she left me there with a semi-hard cock and her name.

 “Y/N.”

  Y/N. . . Perfect.

 I hope she doesn’t think this will be the last time I see her.

 It’s not. 

  Far from it.

next chapter

[scrubbinn]

Mimic HRT: 17 months “Sea legs”

“Did you really need to bring a recorder here? It's an aquarium hun. Do you really plan on interviewing yourself here?”

“It's not that, Abi. I just, with how bad my memory is, I want to make sure I have something to remember this moment.” 

“And you chose a recorder instead of a video camera because…?”

“I really want to eat the fish. This way I get to focus on your beautiful voice when I listen back.”

“...Gay.”

“Yeah, what are you gonna do about it? Kiss me maybe?”

“Maybe later. Come on, I want to get to the underwater tunnel before it closes! I know it's Hyper city, but it's really cool to see so many therians here. Back in Canada, I'm lucky if I see one in a week.”

“There's a lot of us, yeah.”

“Is something wrong?”

“It’s nothing, just a little sad is all… Ok ok, I’ll talk, stop making that face, haha It’s just that, yeah there are a lot of us around. Still feels like we never get treated properly. We’re either freaks or walking tourist spots. I know things will get better eventually, but it's. I really wish I could figure out how to shapeshift into a more convincing human."

“You spent how long on this medication and now you're trying to look human again?”

“It's just useful, that's all. Besides, it's not like I have the right to call myself otherkin… Ow! Don't flick me hun, my skin is sensitive, and you could lose a finger!”

“stop overthinking things. Enjoy your time here and if anyone calls you out, then I'll kick their ass.”

“Thanks, but please don't fight anyone for me. No offense, but you're not exactly capable of doing damage to people hun… ow, ok ok stop it, ah! Haha, cut it out!”

“I'm not gonna stop until you start treating yourself better. You're my mimic girlfriend! You get to decide what you are and no one gets to tell you otherwise. Also! You have a bunch of other people here who would defend you like… is that a werewolf over there? Next to the robot and… um.”

“Pretty sure that's a cyborg, and also that looks like a black arms member?”

“Wait, like the-

“Abi, we're currently having a date in an interdimensional dead end, looking at fish that do not exist in our universe, and I'm pretty sure that fish over there is a badnik. It's really not that strange.”

“That's… fair.. I guess… Hey hun, I'm gonna go grab some ice cream real quick.”

“We're half way through the tunnel already. You sure you want to go all the way back?”

“I'll be quick, just stay put.”

Bzzzt, crackle, Welcome to the wonderful world of Hyperquarium! Thank you for choosing us as the one and only place that can bring fish together from around the worlds in perfect harmony! If you look to our left, you'll see our trained feeder get a chance to show off those gills and show you what only a shark therian can do, he's a professional so don’t worry about being bitten kids. This therian knows how to take care of others. This is also a reminder not to touch the glass as you may spook our feeder.

“Ugh, great, just what I needed, feeling insulted over an intercom. Why does getting second hand insulted have to feel worse? I'm definitely cutting this part from the recor- OW, OH STARS, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE… slithering, um, miss, are you ok?”

“Oh- I’m so sssorry I didn’t mean to, I sswear! This tail just gets sso long by now it’s… difficult for me to control at times. I uh… You haven’t seen any other Lamias around by chance? Or some people in brown uniformss?”

“Uniforms? You’re not on the run or something right? And no, I haven’t seen any other Lamias around, You’re actually the first I’ve ever really had a chance to see. I kind of thought I’d see more with how popular you guys are. But seriously are you alright?... 

Is- is that a shock collar around you?”

“Well… Yes and no- Yes thisss is a shock collar… okay uh- we’re not suppossed to call them that uh… It’s a.. “behavioral correction device”... But yess it’s a shock collar. And no, I'm not on the run… quite the opposite actually… I had a bit of an episode and lost myself in some instincts when watching the fish… and the next thing I know my group is gone and I'm.. I’m not supposed to be away from the group and… if I don't get back soon I might be in a bit of… ah ssscrew it they’re gonna be mad at me anyway… “

“So then… I know a good hiding spot to watch the fish if you want to hide a bit longer. I mean, if that’s ok, and I won’t get in too much trouble, and you won’t get in too much trouble, and I think I’m stumbling over my words, You want to just go hang out in the jellyfish room? It’s pretty dark there and they don’t allow any kind of outside lights in there.”

“Y-yeah that sounds nice! Low lightss could help with that headache. Uhm, what’s your name if i may assk?”

“It's Mayday, and what about you? What's your name?”

“Ah my name-.. It’s uh… oh wait.. I…hmm…Right! Aria… I think. I… am still not sure if I should change it… it’s uh.. complicated.”

* * *

“The jellyfish are really cool, just floating around with not a care in the world. I guess I get why humans find them so boring, but I think they're just not seeing how nice it would be. You know?”

“I totally get what you mean. Just being able to be you… going with the flow of thingss.. Not a care in the world. But that’s just something that therians like us can fully understand… other than the other animals of coursse right?”

“I'm guessing you're past your own crossroads then, like me, based on your words at least. You wouldn't mind if I asked you some questions would you? It's a bit selfish to ask after dragging you here, but I need to know something.”

“Ah well-... i am still “crossssing” it… doc said it will go on for another month or three… maybe longer they are all very vague about this stuff. But sure, I can try to answer to the besst of my ability.”

“So, what do you think of those that don't take that next step? Like the ones that decide they want to stay human in some way, aren't they cheating or something. Like they got to have their cake and eat it too, isn't it a bit unfair? I mean, look at you, you're getting escorted around in a collar by guards, and then we- they get to walk around with not a care in the world.”

“I don’t think that it’ss cheating… It is my choice to go through with it… and in the end I will be what I alwayss wanted to be… fully in both mind and sspirit. This of course will come with quite a few burdens… I am already forgetting so much that I would have loved to remember… But I alsso gain so much more which is just hard to desscribe. All I can hope for is that I ssomehow end up remembering all the faces of the ones that helped me get sso far… or at least ssome other kind of connection.  Those that however stay human to ssome degree have their own struggless to live with. For some it’s never being able to fully control yourself, alwayss having that bit in them that shines through and reminds them that they are sstill “incomplete” which can be a lot on their mind. In the end we all go our own ways, face our own struggless. No sside has it any easier I think than the other, it’s just… different, and you have to choose for yourself which sstruggles you want to deal with in the end. What you yourself think you are able to handle better. For me it was that I was just afraid that I couldn't control the animalistic sside of myself… I could just not live in this sstate i was in, i wanted to fully become me, hoping that it will set me free of the fearsss and anguish that my humanity brings me. But I know what it can cosst me… what it already has… still I weighed my options and decided that this is the best option for myself.  But if you think that where you are now is what is the best option for you, then no one should hold it against you, not even yourself… Does that make ssense?

“Wow, call me out huh. I guess I'm not as good at hiding these sorts of things as I thought. I technically went too far before I lightened my dosage. It left me, broken. Things don't feel right for either side, and I have things I just- there are things I can't let go of no matter how much I want this. It's like I'm splitting apart and I can't figure out how to be anything correctly. I'm not really Mayday, I lost all my memories in my first year. It should have been the perfect excuse to continue forward, but then I got to know Mayday's friends and family. And... I liked them, I liked them alot, I love some of them. I barely know them and when I met them for the first time it just felt right and they were crying like I died and. I can't put them through that. Not a second time. This human side of me just won't let go. I'm putting others before my own happiness again. I'm undermining your sacrifice, being a coward. Sorry I'm ruining your trip aren't I. I'll get out of your scales for you.”

“No wait! It’s okay, I’m used to doing thisss… sort of. Uhm sso… before I got put with the other Lamia’s… I was part of a group that… helped each other… there iss someone there that's a lot like you… multiple actually.. While they did not lose their memories… they stayed partly human too.. They did not continue like I did. Anyway, you’re a lot braver than me, I think.  You… lost your memoriess and still decided to stay with the ones that love you now and before, I don’t think I could have done the ssame. You’re still happy with them now aren’t you? I mean… the way you said it, it’s not just others happiness at stake but your own too. Sso… heh.. I don’t really know where I'm going with thiss but I think you’re brave.”

I can't believe I'm talking about all this with a complete stranger, solidarity is a powerful thing. Who knows, maybe we did know each other at some point and just forgot. But thanks. It doesn't fix how I feel, but it's a good bandage for now. In the meantime we can watch the Jellyfish together until you're ready to go back… Did you hear that announcement a little while back? Nice to see therians getting hired here but way to not only turn it into another tourist spot, but also insult all of us at the same time. Can you believe they actually said all that?”

“Oh my god yesss! How do you actually manage to be ssupportive and a total a-hole at the same time!? Urgh… It’s not just here though… god the way they sometimes announce our exhibit is just… urgh something about staying on the paths and not getting too close without sssupervision… like-... As if they don’t almosst OVERFEED us before so we aren’t even in the mood to hunt… and then these stupid collarsss too.. Sigh I thought this stuff is to make us get away from the negative ssstigma.. Not FEED into it..”

“Wait, I'm sorry, did you say exhibit? Like as in… you're part of a zoo attraction? Y'know, if I was still human, I would be throwing up at that. Is that why you're wearing a collar?! That can't be legal. Like when you say exhibit, you mean like they put you in walls that you can’t ever leave without people acting like handlers? That's disgusting!”

“Ah-... y-yeah? Well okay, it ssounds bad when put like that but… okay that's uh kinda the best option? It was either… have ssome other person keep me like a pet.. Definitely no, be put into the wilds far away from civilization and be not allowed within a certain disstance of any human civilization… also big nono in my eyes.. or… Join the lamia exhibit in the zoo. I’d still be allowed to see my friends… or, well, have them visit me at leasst… I can help fix the kinda negative view people have of Lamias ssince most think of the evil folklore… or video games…  I get to live with others of my kind in a gated community… food is taken care of… healthcare too… kinda… Honestly it was the besst of the options I was given… All I gotta deal with is people looking at uss all day… the stupid collarsss, handlerss… yeah… Maybe one day laws change, that we do not have to sign some legal ownership document stuff and can be free in the city as well… but until then… that’s how it hass to be.”

“I guess I understand, but that just sounds horrible to me. You can put up with a lot, if that’s what you're handling every day. Speaking of, are you going to be ok? Either your guards find us and something bad happens to you, or I jump in and take the blame for essentially kidnapping this zoo's pet. Either option doesn't sound particularly fun. Stars, I thought after finishing this transition I wouldn't have to deal with all this negativity. Somehow Hyper city ended up being just as bad as back home, only it's bad in different ways. This sucks. Is there really no other option that's better? I thought that lamias had intelligence comparable to humans, are your instincts really so strong that you'd endanger humans around you?”

“Don’t worry, they are gonna be quite mad at me, and i’m probably going to have to wait quite ssome time before they allow me my next outside trip… but as long as I sstay put, and don’t get in any situation that could be interpreted as me being a danger… they will probably not use the shock collar when they find me.  Well… the besst outcome would have been if at least they put my legal ownership to one of my friendss but… I wouldn't have wanted them to see me sslowly forget who I was and all the other legal stuff it brings with it… not to mention that most of them are therianss on HRT themsself so the state probably would gatekeep that somehow too. And please don’t put the blame on yourself, that would probably give a hefty fine if not jail time… rather leave the option open to see you again at the exhibit than have you banned from it. At leasst then I get visitors I know and like! And as for our insstincts… It’s difficult… yes they can be overwhelming but they get more manageable after the crossroads… At least that's what I heard from a friend. Ssomething about being more aware of them subconsciously. But for our intelligence being comparable to humans, that's true but mix it with our statuss being non human… and laws haven’t developed that far yet… we are basically categorized as animals. And with people being afraid of our fangs, ssnake parts and all that, I don't see it changing soon.”

“Oh that is so gross, I can't believe the universe would let something like that even happen. Sometimes I wish I could just bite anyone who ticked me off. But you're probably right. About everything I guess. I hate the idea of a place like that existing, but I'd rather not get in trouble and not have the chance to talk again. You're strangely nice to talk to, also I don't think I could afford bail if I got arrested. I probably would lose my chance to work with Erian if that happened. Maybe I can do some protesting in front of city hall instead… I also want to ask about that old support group of yours, and also… hm, maybe I shouldn't chew your ear off right. If you don't get into too much trouble, we could meet up to chat more? I'll make today up to you, if the zoo allows it I could get you a plush at the gift shop.”

“Ah-.. uhm… no… trust me that you do NOT want that… it’ss… no… you’ll not forget the taste… ever… *sigh* Anyway thank you that’s nice to hear, you’re also a lot of fun to talk to. A nice change of pace. Protesting could help! Make our voice heard~  I’d love a visit and another chance to talk too! The plushie would be lovely. As for my old ssupport group.. Yeah they are nice, you should really go and talk to them. We have an online presence so jusst look for… Therian THEMS support group!  There’s… a… white tiger… her name… uh… damn come on i know thissss… white tiger… and… brown… nghhh… come on COME ON I KNOW their… their namessss i know them…”

“Don't worry, it's fine. I live at THEMS actually, I didn't realize they had a support group. I sort of never checked around, and don't worry, I don't actually bite people… usually. Come on, we can try to sneak over to the gift shop and… um hey Aria, sorry if it's rude to ask but, well it's just a thought is all. Have you had a chance to see what you look like?”

“I-... I’m sssorry it’s… yeah. Yeah let’ss get there… Wait what i look like?... Now that you mention it… I kinda forgot my own face… not really any mirrorss around in the enclosure… we usually help each other with hairstyling and so on. Why do you ask?”

“Would you like to see yourself right now?”

“I… I mean sure? Iss there like a mirror around here or…”

“Supplemental: I had Erian’s help splicing the tapes together, He’s good with old stuff like this. I wanted to add this to better describe the scene. I want no possible chance I will forget this..

Ok, here goes. Descriptor: Morphing like that felt nice, I’d never done anything like that before, but, it just worked out. It felt like body and mind actually agreeing for the first time since I became a mimic. The faint pale glow of the jellyfish felt like it was a radiant sun illuminating not just the room but my shifting form. My mind felt complete. Sharp. Morphing into something with my human remains and mimic self in agreement for the first time. This state of change I went through, this was what I was meant to have. I could feel my legs twist and fuse into a tail that grew longer and longer. Teeth moved from my body and incorporated into fangs and claws. I could feel the chemical reaction inside of me as poison turned to venom. I never looked away, I didn't close my eyes. I just kept looking back at Aria, understanding every crease and shine in her scales. It was then I finally realized how much I had always wanted to be a mimic. This felt correct. The feeling faded eventually, but I knew I had morphed myself into a perfect copy of Aria, because when I looked at her I felt happy. Did the medication somehow know this is what I truly needed? I need more time to think. End supplemental.”

“Thisss- You’re- I- woah! This is uh- I’m sssorry I’m blown away by thiss! This is what I look like!? Wait before that- You’re a shapeshifter? I- Oh my. Thank you! I-... this feels a bit weird to asssk someone that currently looks like my exact twin but-... can i… you know… give you a hug for thisss!? I mean… looking at you it’ss… looking at everything i ever wanted to be I-... sssorry that wass a weird thing to asssk someone i jusst met earlier I-... Thanksss”

“You can give us a hug if you like. We don't mind being ssstrangers. Oh, we do that too, interessting. Eheheh, but yesss, you may hug.”

“Yeah you get usssed to it~ Okay then uh-... here we go. Thank you.”

“I think I hear people coming. I need to change back before any of those guards see two of you. Glad you enjoyed getting to hug a squishier version of yourself. I must feel like a marshmallow. Oh wait, I think my partner is gonna kill me if I leave her waiting any longer.”

“Haha~ I guess we both are going to get our ears chewed off by ssome people. It wass very nice getting to meet and talk to you Mayday, and I hope to see you again! Just… don’t take it to heart if I end up having to assk your name again or… worsse okay? Oh- and if you meet the people from the ssupport group… tell them i sssaid hi.”

“Will do, you better stay safe then, and don’t you dare end up regretting your choice, you got that! Enjoy your new life, and hopefully it won’t just be within a zoo someday. If you ever need to ask my name again, then I’ll be sure to ask yours as well. I look forward to meeting you again Aria the lamia.”

“Yes, I will do my besst to do that. I look forward to meeting you again too, Mayday the Mimic.”

* * *

“Abi, I’m back!”

“Oh my god where were you! I called like eight times! I thought something might have happened to you!”

“Sorry, sorry, I got caught up in a weird situation, I met a new friend I guess. You’d like her. she was really nice… Ok, yeah I’ll make it up to you. Really sorry for making you worry like that. Let’s go out to eat. This place kinda sucks. What about that sushi place you wanted to go to a couple months ago! I’ll pay for it.”

“You seem awfully cheery all of a sudden

“I just figured out who I am. That’s all.”

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Start - Prev - Next

Hey, hope you enjoyed what I think is the longest chapter by far. Normally I try to stick with two pages of text to get something that most people can keep their attention on. Not really possible here.

I'd like to take this time to thank @ariathelamia for collaborating with this chapter. She's so cool and you should go follow her right now. Do it right now. Do not finish reading this part until you double check you are following her and reading her Lamia HRT story!

Anyway, I'd also like to point out the cameos/mentions for Tiger HRT and ??? HRT by @tigergirltail and @home-sweet-hive, respectively. Both are extremely good and give me the inspiration to continue writing this story every single day. This story would have probably stopped around the fifth or sixth part without them. So you should go read those stories right now as well. Do it. Seriously though, thank you so much for reading. Have a wonderful day.

-Navi

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Mention list: @a-shramp, @calliecwrites, @be702, @respectfulevil, @hyacinthdoll1315

@aster-is-confused, @bloodandbrandywyne, @glitchgloop

[madi-writes-things]

Francesca Pt. 1

Summary:

It broke Schlatt when he had to let Y/N go, But he would go through hell a thousand times if it meant he got to hold her again.

“If I could hold you for a minute… I’d go through it again.”

Word Count: 1.09 K

TW: Mental Illness, angst, ocd, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, break up, pining, feelings of worthlessness, basically a self insert without a physical description, Based in Texas… because so am I

A/N: I’m totally ok, and definitely not scared of my mental illness… 👀

-Madi <3

“”“”“”“”“”

Y/N’s POV

My bags are packed before Jay gets home. I don’t want to make this any harder than it has to be. I should probably leave before he gets here, but he deserves an explanation. I’m not really sure what to say when he gets here, but he doesn’t deserve to be ghosted…

When the door opens I regret my decision to stay. He’s holding an H-E-B bag with frozen pizzas and ranch.

My favorite.

The second he locks eyes with me I break down. The bag falls from his hand as he rushes to pull me into a hug.

“What’s wrong pumpkin? What happened?” His voice is filled love and tenderness, very different from his online persona. It makes me cry harder.

“I can’t do this Jay… I-” He pulls me impossibly closer, mumbling a quiet ‘don’t do this’. “I already packed everything into my car. I can’t ask you to stay, I wouldn’t do that to you…”

He knows that I’ve been struggling lately, but I would never ask him to understand the extent of my anguish. I could never tell him about my hours spent researching. The notes. The fear of being alone with myself.

All I’ve ever wanted is to marry the man of my dreams, and have a big family. My mind constantly tells me that I can’t have it…

Nobody would want to deal with you, he’d get tired of it eventually. What if your kids are crazy like you? You don’t want to run the risk that he has to find you dea-

“You aren’t doing anything to me, you don’t have to do this… we can get through this, we can get you whatever help you need… please…”

I’m doing this because I love him. I can tell when he sees the look in my eyes, he mumbles a quick okay before leaving to put the pizzas in the freezer.

I run to lock myself in the bathroom… I feel like I’m going to throw up.

“”“”“”“”“”

When I finally get myself together, I leave the bathroom on a mission to get out quickly. It takes me a while before I realize what’s happening.

“where the hell did you put my keys Jay?” I see him sitting at our table, set with two plates of pizza and two glasses of wine.

“You’re not driving right now… I just heard you have a twenty minute panic attack, you’re in no headspace to drive.” I know he won’t give me the keys, no matter how much I try to convince him. “Do you even have anywhere to go?” I just shake my head. He gets up and walks into our bedroom.

I can hear him on the phone with Ted, he’s asking if I can stay in LA with him. When he returns, we sit down to eat the now cold pizza.

“What did he say?” I didn’t necessarily want to move across the country, but we both know I wouldn’t be able to actually leave well enough alone if I stayed.

I can tell that he’s been crying, but I know that this is what’s truly best for him in the long run. “He said yes, obviously. I’ll drive you to his place, and catch a flight back.” I knew that there was no convincing him to leave me alone for extended periods of time… I wonder if Ted told him not to let me out of his sight.

He probably did.

After dinner Jay offers to sleep on the couch, but I tell him that I don’t want our last night to be spent in different parts of the house.

He holds me as I cry myself to sleep.

This is what’s best for him.

“”“”“”“”“”

The nearly twenty hour drive was silent, stopping whenever the gas gauge lit up. Jay always knew what to get me from the gas station, while I stayed in the car reading. About halfway through the ride he finally decided to play some music, our shared playlist flowing through the tense atmosphere.

I decided to take a nap at some point, and was awoken by Jay gently shaking my shoulder while handing me some food that he had gotten. “We’ve only got about an hour left… you need to eat, and I think we should talk about it.”

No. You can’t handle this, the car ride is hell as is… and now he wants you to talk about why you’re breaking his heart?

“There’s not much to talk about Jay… there isn’t any way to convince me that it was a mistake.” I can see the hurt look in his eyes when I say it, and I really didn’t mean for it to sound so harsh. “I love you so much… and I promise, this is for you.”

He starts to try and argue, before settling on asking about publicity. My only response is that we can deal with it separately. I finish my food, and finish the last few chapters of my book.

“”“”“”“”“”

It takes less than an hour to move all of my stuff into Ted’s guest room.

Ted is my best friend, and we’ve known each other for years. He introduced me to the job prospects of the internet. He introduced me to all of his colleagues when I was first starting on YouTube…

He introduced me to Jay.

After helping move everything in, Jay got ready to fly out. He said a quick goodbye to me, before going outside to talk to Ted.

They were out there for a really long time.

What if he’s convincing Ted that you are a horrible person?

What if they’re working together to get you put away?

What if you opened the window?

What if you jumped?

My phone is in my hand immediately, looking up the likelihood of injury/death from a second story jump. Very unlikely. Shit.

All of the sudden, the walls feel too close. The window is too far. I hear Jay’s Uber leaving, and everything starts to collapse.

This was a mistake. I just ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s too late. He hates me. I should have just left a note and Jumped off the congress avenue bridge.

I can’t breathe.

I hear a soft knock at my door, and hear it creak open. Ted sits down in front of me, placing my hand on his chest. We work on breathing exercises that he taught me years ago. When I finally feel slightly normal, he pulls me into a tight hug.

“”“”“”“”“”

@unbruisable @bernardsbendystraws @sturniolo-fann @jnkvivi @stasiesturn

@h3arts4harry @slutforsturniolos @memento-rory

[callsign-magnolia]

Love In The Dark // Ch. 4

Mature Content 18+

Summary: Iris never realized how much she truly depended on her eyesight until it was gone. But it never really stopped her, just another hurdle to jump over in life. Depending on people was never something she got used to, she still attempts to do things herself. Eventually, her roommate and best friend let's her down, but a tall, sandy brown haired aviator catches her.

Rooster x Blind!OC

Warnings: angst, alcohol, deception? I think that's it, if I missed any let me know!

Word Count: 3.5k

Chapter 3 | Masterlist

As the night wore on Iris grew more comfortable with everyone. She just felt bad because Jake was inside away from his own party when he should be enjoying himself. “Hey Bradley?” She asked. He leaned over from his conversation with Bob and smiled at her. “Yeah?” He almost said it in her ear, his breath brushing her neck. Her mind went fuzzy for a second before she remembered she said his name. “I feel bad that Jake’s inside. It is his party.” Bradley smiled, her kindness striking him in a way he’s never felt before. “He’s just upset.” He noticed Iris’ face fall and he quickly spoke up. “Not with you. Jake feels kinda foolish for not seeing through Mandi’s words.” He said and Iris nodded. “I just hate that he’s not having fun with the rest of us.” She said. “Do you want me to go talk to him?” He asked and Iris sat still for a moment. He could tell the gears were turning in her head. “Would it help if I talked to him?” She didn’t seem too keen on the idea. “No, I can do it.” With that he stood, sliding his chair back under the table. “I’ll be right back. Need anything while I’m up?” He asked, leaning down next to her. “No, I’m good. Thank you, though.” She said, turning her head up to look at him. Bradley was startled by her actions, her nose so close to his and she never even knew it. “Then I’ll be back.” With that he walked into the house. Bradley looked around, not seeing Jake so he made his way up the stairs. He crept down the hallway till he got to Jake’s room. 

He peeked his head inside and saw Jake sitting on the edge with his head hung low. “You okay?” He asked and Jake lifted his head. Dismay was written all over his face and it shocked Bradley a little. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll be fine.” He said. “I didn’t ask if you will be. I asked if you are now.” Jake took a deep breath, surprised by how abrupt Bradley was being. “I feel stupid.” Bradley nodded. “I can see why.” Jake glared at him. “She was so convincing, and then I made myself out to be a total ass to Iris.” Bradley chuckled. “Truth be told, I don’t think Iris actually blames you for that.” He said. “Don’t let it eat you up, Hangman.” Bradley said, getting ready to walk back downstairs. “Truth be told, and I can’t believe I’m saying this. You were too good for her anyway.” They both laughed as Bradley headed back downstairs. He made his way out the back door and chuckled to himself. "Coyote." Rooster said, staring at his friend and fighting the urge to chuckle. Iris was having an intense conversation with Phoenix and Bob, and poor Coyote was trying his best to offer her a drink. "Coyote, man. She can't see you. You're gonna have to tap her shoulder." Rooster said, and Coyote looked at him, brows furrowed. "Why?" Iris heard the entire conversation and chuckled to herself before turning around to face them. "Because I'm blind." Rooster laughed at the look of panic on Coyote's face. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't - " Iris just laughed at him, easing the panic in Coyote's chest. “It’s okay Coyote. I haven’t told you yet.” Iris said as she took the drink from him. “So am I the last to know?” He asked and Iris shook her head. “No, I think there’s one more person I haven’t told.” She said, trying to place who it was. “Mav. I don’t think we’ve mentioned it to him. Or Penny.” 

Iris realized that she hadn't actually told Penny, even though she may have figured it out. “I’ll tell them before it’s time to leave.” Iris said. The night went on and they she managed to tell Mav and Penny. “That explains a lot of things from today. But if you’re totally blind, why the sunglasses?” Mav asked. “The sun can still damage my eyes in ways I can’t notice, so I always make sure to wear them. Plus they can keep the skin around my eyes from wrinkling.” They nodded. Iris tried to hold back her yawn but it was no use, no one can really keep a yawn discreet. Rooster couldn’t help but smile at her as she took her sunglasses off and wiped the corner of her eyes. “Do you want to go?” He whispered to her and she couldn’t hold back her smile. “Are you ready to go?” She asked, not wanting to end his night early if he wasn’t ready. “I’m ready if you are.” He said, smiling at her as she turned to him. “Yeah.” He stood, gently taking her outstretched hand and helping her up. “Well we’re gonna go guys.” Bradley announced and everyone turned to face them. “I really enjoyed meeting you all.” Iris said, offering a wave. Phoenix stood and came over, slowly pulling Iris into a hug and she returned it. “We definitely have to get together sometime.” Iris smiled widely and nodded. “I’d love that.” She responded. “You can get my number from Rooster.” She nodded and everyone else came up to say goodbye before they walked into the house, passing Jake in the kitchen on their way out. “Leaving?” He asked, drying a glass. “Yeah.” Rooster said. “Thank you for the invite, Jake. even though the night kinda blew up.” He just gave Iris a tight smile and nodded. “You’re welcome, Iris.” 

Rooster led Iris outside and to his Bronco. “Careful.” He opened the door and helped her hop in. He stood and leaned over her, buckling her seatbelt for her. “I could’ve done that myself.” Iris said, a small smile on her face. “What kind of gentleman would I be if I let you do it yourself though?” She gave a small laugh as he closed her door gently, walking around and getting in on the driver’s side. Bradley backed out of Jake’s driveway, easing down the road. Iris had a wide smile on her face as he went down the road, the wind blowing through the Bronco had her hair whipping around. Maybe it was a good idea he took the roof off. Bradley turned up the radio, a station that plays mostly seventies and eighties and he was caught off guard as Iris started loudly singing. He couldn’t help but admire her for a moment before laughing and joining her. It wasn’t long before the sun went down and Bradley pulled into the driveway. He cut the Bronco off and sighed. “Mandi’s here.” He said and Iris just shrugged. “I don’t care. Everything is irreconcilable at this point. Our friendship has been going down the drain for a while and this was just the icing on the cake.” Bradley pursed his lips and nodded. “Want me to walk you in?” He asked and she flashed him a large tipsy smile. “Would you please?” He just chuckled and nodded. “Yes, I will.” He got out, coming around and helping her out. “Why don’t you come in for a minute? I’ll get you a water.” She smiled at him and he watched as she walked up onto the porch. He wasn’t thirsty in the slightest but he couldn’t say no. “Okay.” 

Iris punched in the code to the front door and stepped in. “Why don’t you have a seat on the couch and I’ll be back in a minute.” She turned and smiled at him and he agreed before closing the front door. As he turned back he saw Iris take a step and suddenly she was gone, a loud thud and a yelp replacing her physical presence. “Iris?!” He rushed over, finding her face down, attempting to push herself off the floor. “Iris.” He bent down next to her and watched as she lifted her hand to her face, blood covering it as she pulled it away. Immediately her body shook as she cried and Bradley could swear his heart split down the middle. “Oh, Iris.” He took her arm in his and attempted to help her off the floor. Thunderous footsteps shook the house as Mandi came down the stairs and started to laugh as she saw Iris. Bradley’s vision went red as he looked from Mandi out to the living room. “I know you know how to navigate the house but I never thought you’d run through here!” She laughed harder. “You rearranged all the furniture, Mandi! That’s a real shitty move.” Iris had calmed and shook herself free of bradley. “I want you OUT OF MY HOUSE!” Mandi jumped as Iris raised her voice. Mandi knew Iris could get angry but she had never been on the receiving end. “I’ll leave when I pack everything.” Bradley watched as Iris seethed. Even in the dark he could see her hands shaking and a vein in her neck standing out. What Bradley never expected was for Iris to lurch forward, reaching up the staircase and grabbing the back of Mandi’s hair. Bradley reached for her but before he could Iris had already pulled Mandi’s head back and punched her in the temple before letting go. Mandi stumbled back into the wall as Rooster gently laid his hands on Iris’ shoulders, her own hand reaching for his. “What the fuck?!” Mandi yelled, leaning against the wall to keep her balance.

“Get your shit and get the hell out! I don’t want to fucking hear you, and if I do you’re gonna wish all I did was hit you!” Bradley was startled by her reaction, even if it was valid. Mandi rushed upstairs and Bradley spoke up. “Iris.” She turned her head towards him. “Come on, I’ll help you get cleaned up.” Iris stood there for a second, thinking about how she didn’t need his help. But her eyes softened when she realized it wasn’t because he felt obligated, he simply wanted to. “Okay.” He took her arm, leading her to the kitchen. Iris immediately stuck her arm out, feeling around to make sure nothing else was moved in her way. “Is it okay if I help you up on the counter?” Bradley asked and Iris nodded. “Yeah.” Iris turned her back to the counter and Bradley lifted her to sit on it. “Stay there.” Bradley walked away and got a paper towel, soaking it under the faucet before coming back. “Sit still.” Bradley brought his hand up, resting it on the side of her neck before bringing the paper towel up and gently wiping under her nose. They sat in silence as Bradley cleaned her up, making sure there was no blood to be found on her face. When Bradley was done he looked up seeing the tears streaming out of her eyes. Her hands clenched the counter, knuckles white from her grip. “Iris-” “Sorry.” She said, wiping her eyes. “It’s ridiculous I know.” Bradley furrowed his brows. “It’s not ridiculous. It’s completely understandable.” His words made her cry again. Bradley grabbed her arms, slowly pulling her into a hug before she latched onto him. The contact immediately sent her into sobs. Bradley held her for a while, rubbing her back and rocking side to side till she calmed down. 

Mandi grabbed everything she could, setting it all on the couch and coffee table before moving it to her car. Bradley held on to Iris and listened to Mandi’s every move, making sure she only took what was hers and nothing else. Once she was done she walked into the kitchen, slamming her key on the counter. “Here’s your fucking key.” She started out the door and Bradley wanted to yell at her, tell her how big of a bitch she was, but it wouldn’t change anything and he couldn’t let go of Iris in her state. Bradley listened to Mandi’s footsteps listening to her leave and once she did, he turned all his attention to Iris. She continued to cry and Bradley felt for her, not knowing how this situation would truly impact her. After a few moments her crying calmed and she pulled away, wiping her eyes. “I’m sorry, Bradley. I shouldn’t have clung to you like that.” He shook his head, gently grabbing her arms. “Don’t apologize, Iris. This is stressful, I get it.” She sighed, hanging her head low. “Is she actually gone?” Bradley raised a brow and looked towards the dining room. “Sit here and I’ll go look.” She nodded and Bradley walked out, making sure all of Mandi’s stuff was gone and when he peeked out the front window, he saw her car was gone. 

“Yeah, she’s gone.” He said as he walked back into the kitchen. Iris nodded, slowly sliding off the counter. “Thank you for your help Bradley. It means a lot to me.” He nodded. “Do you need my help with anything before I leave?” She shook her head. “Uh no, I think I’m good. Thank you though.” She walked with Bradley towards the front door, hands out in front of her to feel for the furniture. “Do you want my help moving the furniture back?” She shook her head. “No, I’ll get used to it soon.” Bradley furrowed his brows. “Are you sure? I’d hate to leave you with this mess.” She nodded as Bradley opened the front door and she grabbed it. “I’m sure, Bradley. Thank you.” He stepped out onto the front porch as he smiled at her. “Goodnight, Iris.” She gave him a small smile back. “Goodnight, Bradley.” With that she closed the door gently and locked it, and once again Bradley waited till he heard the door lock before walking back to his Bronco. Iris sighed and leaned her head against the door.

 After the drinks she’s had she was sleepy and her nose was still throbbing. She wouldn’t be surprised if it was broken, but Bradley probably would’ve noticed if it was. Iris turned out of the foyer and immediately put her hands out in front of her, slowly walking around the furniture. She bumped into the love seat and a table before she made it to the stairs. Walking upstairs she walked to her bedroom and entered slowly, worried Mandi moved some stuff around in there too. Thankfully it was all the same so she gathered some pajamas for after her shower. The warm water eased her muscles and relaxed her body. Once she got out she changed and crawled into bed. “Alexa, what’s my alarm?” She asked. “You have one alarm at five a.m. and another at six a.m.” She nodded, sliding down into her bed. Everything played through her mind and tears flowed from her eyes. Iris had never been alone for more than a few days before. Now she was alone permanently and the thought was terrifying. A million things could go wrong and she’d be alone and vulnerable. Someone could break in, a fire could start in her kitchen. The thought alone scared her so she got up, making her way downstairs and to the kitchen. She hovered her hand over the stove eyes, making sure she felt no heat and touched the dials, making sure they were all pointed to off before taking a deep breath and going back upstairs. She laid down again, facing the window, moonlight showing on her face. “I’m gonna be okay. Mama always says I’ll figure it out, so I’ll figure it out.” With that she drifted off. 

Iris spent the next few days navigating and learning her living room all over again. Emily would pick her up for work, she’d come home and slowly walk around, figuring everything out. “Are you okay here alone?” Em asked as she helped Iris carry her groceries inside. “Yeah, I’m still adjusting to being alone, but I’ll get used to it.” They set the bags on the counter as Iris started unloading it all. “I’ll go get the rest.” Em said, walking out. Iris left out a bag of ramen for dinner before finishing up. “I can hang around for a while if you want.” Emily said once everything was put away. Iris gave her a small smile. “Thanks, Em. But I’m about to shower and then eat dinner.” Truth be told Iris just wanted to be alone. “Are you sure?” She nodded. “I’m sure. I’m really tired so after I eat I’m just gonna go to bed. I haven’t been sleeping well.” Emily nodded but eyed Iris anyway. “Well, call if you need me. I’ll be over in a heartbeat.” Iris nodded, pulling Emily into a tight hug. “I will, Em. Thank you.” Emily left and Iris did as she said, shower, eat then bed. When she woke up the next morning, the motivation to get up was not there, so she called Emily.

It's been weeks since Mandi moved out, and Iris felt an emptiness in the house she never knew could exist. It was quiet, the kind of quiet that could drive you mad. Iris was still so angry with Mandi, but she also mourned the loss of the friendship they had. Iris hadn’t properly been to work in a while, working the sporadic day here and there before not going for a while. “Good morning!” Emily was always so chirpy in the morning, Iris thought as she laid in her bed. “Hey, Em. Listen, I'm not going in for the next few days. I’m not feeling the best.” Emily furrowed her brows as she pulled her son from his high chair. “Are you okay? Do I need to take you to the doctor?” Iris shook her head and rolled onto her back. “No, I’m just not feeling myself. I think I just need a little time. We don’t have any meetings till next week, but if you need me feel free to call.” Emily nodded but worry settled. “You call me too if you need me.” Iris nodded at her words. “I will.” With that they said goodbye and hung up.  Iris sat on the couch, blanket wrapped around her as she just thought about everything. 

Her doorbell went off, and it tore her from her thoughts. She grabbed her phone, found her ring app, and pulled it up. "Who is it?" She asked. "It's Bradley. I just wanted to check on you." She cracked a small smile at the sound of his voice. She used the app to unlock the door. "It's open." He immediately stepped inside, locking the door behind him before stepping into the living room from the foyer. Iris just sat on the couch, and he just observed her for a minute. Her hair was up in a bun, and her bare legs stuck out from under the blanket she had wrapped around her. The room was dark. No blinds open, no lights on, no sound going. The room was an open expression of how Iris felt. "Hi." She said, and Bradley gave a small smile. "Hi." He responded, walking closer. "So what brings you to this side of town?" She asked, and he shrugged, sitting on the coffee table in front of her. The scent of his cologne and jet fuel invaded her senses, and it was a heavenly smell to her. "I just wanted to check on you. I've hardly heard from you, but I also haven't reached out much, and I'm sorry for that." She shook her head. "It's not your responsibility to check in on me, Bradley." He chuckled. "It's not. But I want to." She gave a half smile, nodding and keeping her head down. "How long have you been sitting like this?” Iris shrugged. “What day is it?” She asked. “Friday.” Her face fell. “Four days.” Bradley’s eyebrows shot up, concern lacing his features. “When was the last time you ate?” He asked. “This morning.” He was relieved to know she hadn’t just stopped eating. 

“Well, are you hungry now?” Iris blushed as her stomach rumbled. “A little.” Rooster smiled. “So am I. Would you wanna join me for dinner?” Iris furrowed her brows. “I appreciate the offer Rooster but I’m sure you can tell, I’m a train wreck.” A very cute train wreck. He thought. “I’m still in my flight suit, my hair is messed up from my helmet and I'm sure you’ve noticed but I reek of jet fuel. We can look like train wrecks together.” Iris fought back tears at his words. “Where would we even go?” She asked him and he smiled. “You like burgers?” He asked and Iris smiled. “Love them.” Rooster couldn’t help but do a little dance in his spot on the coffee table. “I know this great burger place on the beach, you up for it?” Iris thought to herself. She knew it wouldn’t hurt, it would probably do her some good but the thought of actually leaving the house in this state sucked. But her stomach ratted her out, growling again but twice as loud this time. “Okay, I’ll take you up on that offer.” Rooster grinned, gently taking her hand in his. “Then let’s go. I don’t want your stomach eating itself.” Iris laughed loudly as he helped her up. “You’re hilarious.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @roosterforme @mygyn @kmc1989 @briseisgone @lyn-js @shanimallina87 @dizzybee03 @lilylilyyyyyy @a-court-of-roscoe-and-baby @jessicab1991 @hu-dk

[let-me-love-you-loki]

Everything Has Changed--Ch. 28

Chapter 28

Nick

            “No. No effing way,” I snapped at Matt as we stood beside my Nissan in the parking lot of LAX. “You can go without me.”

            Matt rolled his eyes and banged his forehead against the roof of the car a few times. “Nick, come on. We don’t scratch, and we’re booked for a trio. You’re going to have to get over it eventually.”

            “Like hell I do!”

            “What are you going to do, avoid Kenny forever?”

            Anger flared up in my chest and I shoved away from the car. I laced my hands over my head, tugging down on my Clippers hat. What did Matt expect me to do? He hadn’t been there. He hadn’t seen what Kenny had done to Shaye. He had no fucking clue how she’d completely broken when she’d seen Kota come out that door. My brother knew that Kenny could have a selfish streak, and there was no doubt that he was so absolutely enmeshed with Kota Ibushi for the rest of his life.

            Behind me, Matt let out an exasperated sigh. “Help me out here, Nick. I don’t understand how it was so bad that you’re willing to bust up the Elite. To end the Young Bucks.”

            “I never said I wanted to stop wrestling with you!”

            A pressure started to build up behind my eyes.

            “It’s pretty much the same thing, man. The three of us said we’re going to do this together,” my brother said with a forced calm. “If the Elite are over, what’s the point?”

            My teeth clenched, and I swear I thought I was going to scream. I tugged on the brim of my hat and paced along the paint line beside the car. The longer it went, the more I felt as if the whole world had turned against me. That no matter what things he’d done, Kenny Omega would always be able to get away with anything.

            I threw up my hands. “Okay then. If that’s how you see it, then fine. I’m done.”

            Matt’s eyes went wide, almost as if he couldn’t believe that I’d actually said the words. “What? Nick…”

            “No. I’m out. You and Kenny tag together. I’m sure you’ll be fantastic.” The words dripped in sarcasm as they fell out of my lips. I shoved my way past him and yanked the door open. “Find your own fucking way home.”

            Before Matt could say another word, I started the car and peeled out of the space. Maybe it wasn’t fair to leave him in the middle of the parking lot at LAX. But just then I didn’t care. It was me or Kenny. And it looked like my brother—my best friend—had chosen Kenny.

***

Shaye

            It was sickening how easy it was. I wanted to hate myself for every breath I drew because I’d fallen back into this rhythm with Kenny within a matter of days that made me feel somehow sick inside. Dirty. As if I were doing something horrible.

            Damon hadn’t spoken to me since that night I caught him sneaking out his bedroom window. He wouldn’t even look at me. I knew with every fiber of my being that I’d let him down. That I’d turned out to be what he thought I was—just another extension of our parents who looked at him and saw him as a screw up. It didn’t matter that I didn’t really think that way. My brother had convinced himself that I did, so there was no changing it. Damon Walker was as stubborn as traffic in midtown at rush hour.

            “Do you know when you’re coming back here?” I asked, absolutely hating the whining neediness in my voice. I sank beneath the covers on my bed, pulling them up to my chin.

            “This weekend. I’ll be in California for a couple shows with the Bucks,” Kenny replied in that smooth, low tone of his that felt like sinking into a steaming hot bath. There was still something about him—even knowing everything that had happened and every lie that he’d told—that could ease me down to my bones.

            I sucked in my breath at the mention of the Young Bucks. I’d pretty much cut off contact with Nick Jackson after the last time we’d spoken. It wasn’t fair to him, whatever this was. “Oh, awesome.”

            “Why? Do you want to come?” It wasn’t hard to imagine that he didn’t sound very enthusiastic about that prospect.

            “No!” The word came out in a half croak, half scream. “I mean, it’s okay. I have work anyway.”

            Kenny chuckled, and I felt a shiver rush down my spine. Like someone had dropped ice in the back of my shirt. “Don’t want to see me?” When he spoke again, his voice was hard. “Or don’t you want to see Nick?”

            “I…” My heart dropped into my toes. I thought I was going to vomit. “I…”

            The laughter that came down the line was dark and heavy. I’d never heard his voice like that. “Shaye, are you hiding something?”

            My guts turned inside out. I couldn’t breathe. My mouth was dry, filled with cotton and sandpaper. I gagged as I tried to suck in air to keep from throwing up.

            “I… I’m… I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I whispered, too afraid to speak any louder. Tears burned the back of my eyes. “I just can’t. I can’t come to California.”

            “You weren’t invited anyway,” he said flatly.

            I squeezed my eyes shut as the world started spinning beneath me. The words were so angry, so hurtful. It felt like he’d slapped me. “I know.”

            Kenny took a breath, almost as if he had to work up the patience to stay on the phone with me. Who is this person? I thought. This isn’t Kenny.

            “Come on, Shaye,” he said at last, his voice returning to something resembling his normal timbre. “I’m messing with you. If you don’t want to come, you don’t have to. It’s okay.”

            A piece of the knot in my chest let go, but there was still a sense of ice and lead deep in my stomach. I hated myself for this. For how easy it had been for him to drag me back, even if I’d walked right back into the fire of my own free will.

***

Nick

            “What the hell did you do?” Sam screamed at me from the other end of the phone. “Why am I driving to fucking LA to pick Matt up because you left him in the parking lot of the airport?”

            I rolled my eyes and thought about throwing the phone out the window. “Sam, I really need you to stop calling me and yelling. Or just yelling in general.”

            “Don’t cop an attitude with me, Nick Jackson,” she growled. “I had to leave the studio after I’d just back varnished a brand-new canvas to drive to LAX through traffic to pick him up. You are not going to talk to me like that.”

            “I’m not doing this. Not right now, not later, not tomorrow.” My head throbbed. I was more exhausted than I could ever remember being after a loop. “I just want to go home and crash. Please, leave me alone.”

            She went quiet for maybe the first time since I’d known her. The silence stretched for several minutes, so long that I thought the call had dropped. Then I heard her voice, sharp as glass. “Okay. Fine.”

            Then she hung up.

            I slammed the heel of my hand into the steering wheel and swore as I threw my phone into the passenger seat. This day just kept getting better and better.

________________________

Tag List

@imagineall-the-fandoms

@lilred91

@maelleoute

@not-that-kinda-gurl08

@writtingrose

@hungmanhorsecarriage

@unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin

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@theawkwardadorable

[faerynova]

so, this is actually a song i wrote and recorded a little over two years ago (iirc, pretty soon after the conversation in the lemon valley wheat field where ponk said he would support sam, but that eventually sam would get what was coming to him)

its very much a rough demo, but at this point im definitely not going to be recording a full cleaned up studio version. so here it is!

>>also on youtube here<<

LYRICS UNDER THE CUT:

Today, I left home I already miss you, I don’t want to be alone I thought I would be fine Thought no matter what I did, that you would still be mine

My heart was on my sleeve How was I supposed to know that you’d take both from me? I’ll try to stay strong But it’s hard when everything I thought I knew was wrong

‘Bout the man I can barely remember As someone who I used to call mine

And it’s true, I love you But you’re not the kind of man I thought you’d be Now I can understand People really change like tides in open sea

Karma’s gonna catch up to you, wait and see But you can still rely on me

I see red, it calls me Promises me purpose and community And I can’t ignore That I feel like I don’t have a purpose anymore

I’ll try to move on And convince myself I’m better off now that he’s gone I say I’m okay I would never tell him but I’m so afraid

Of the man I can barely remember As someone who I used to call mine

And it’s true, I love you But you’re not the kind of man I thought you’d be Now I can understand People really change like tides in open sea

Karma’s gonna catch up to you, wait and see But you can still rely on me

I can’t win, I love him Though I really shouldn’t love him anymore And I can understand That we can’t go back to how it was before

Maybe in the end it wasn’t meant to be But I can’t bring myself to leave

[adoremp3]

BIG YES to the no string birthday special! Please feed us queen

your wish is my command (and no judging, it was a very rough scene i wrote randomly one day lol) (and i included two paragraphs i started to set the scene but ignored bc i just wanted to get to the good stuff but......it gives you bg info kinda)

Deciding what to buy Harry for his birthday was an absolute nightmare. I mean, what does someone buy for someone that says “hey, we’re just friends, even though I’ve seen you naked countless times and heard you moan in a way that’s magic to my ears”? There isn’t exactly a card for that either.

...

Two glasses of wine in, though, my less than sober thoughts decide to spice things up a little. Harry is in the middle of explaining a project he’s working on for the company in Bath when I decide to rest my hand on his thigh—completely innocent, of course. 

...

“Harry, are you okay?” Gemma eventually asks, thankfully not noticing the way Harry is practically biting his fist and tightly grips his spoon.

“I’m—oh, thank God,” he tries to say, but it’s in this moment that I decide to tuck him back into his trousers; Gemma’s already begun to notice something is up with him, so I don’t want to push it too far. “I think I’m just—something isn’t sitting right. I need to… Sorry, excuse me.” He pushes his chair back, skillfully holding his napkin over his crotch in a way that still looks placed and a way to prevent his clothes from getting dirty but in actual fact is a way to hide his erection. 

Gemma looks at me curiously, though I’m trying my absolute hardest not to grin at the thought of Harry rushing to wank one off in a public bathroom. “I had the same as him and feel fine… Should I be worried?”

Unless Michal starts finger banging her under the table, Gemma will absolutely be fine. Instead, I stand up from the table as well and say, “I’m just gonna go check on him. Can’t have him feeling ill on his birthday, can we?”

She doesn’t look entirely convinced, but I still excuse myself and rush off to the toilets. I brace myself as I push open the male toilets in fear of finding a group of men wondering what the fuck is happening, but instead am greeted by the sounds of jagged breaths coming from one of the stalls. Definitely worrisome had someone other than myself walked in.

“Harry?” I call out, trying to work out which stall he’s in. 

“Oh, God. It’s you,” I hear, then one of the doors unlocks and Harry tries to pull me in.

It’s a tight fit in the stall, so I’m really not sure what Harry thinks this will achieve. “I don’t think this is made for two people.” 

“Well, maybe you should have scoped out the loo situation before you decided to wank me off under the table,” he exasperates, then grabs himself in one hand. “Now, care to finish what you started? Otherwise I’ll do it myself.”

“Someone’s a little bossy,” I tease, but grab his length nonetheless. “And what’s your plan of action when we eventually return after a long term of absence?”

“Again, something you should’ve thought about before deciding to get us into this mess.” Harry sounds bitter, but I just bite down on my lip to prevent a chuckle from escaping; I’m very amused by it all. “Speaking of, what was your plan if things, uh, got messy under the table?”

I shrug, slowly beginning to pump him. “Used your napkin?”

“Hospitality staff really should get paid more.” Harry’s breath hitches towards the end of his sentence as I pick up my pace and grip a little harder, while his free arm slides around my body and uses my ass as something to squeeze. “You know, when I wished for birthday sex, this really isn’t how I pictured it.”

“Who’s to say I still don’t have big plans for you later? Maybe this was all just a warm up.”

“I don’t think I can handle as many orgasms in one night as you can, Mabel,” he says, breathing heavily as his eyes flutter shut. “Okay, I’m getting close now. Please don’t stop.”

As Harry’s hips thrust into my hand, I pick up the pace even more. “Didn’t plan on it.”

Harry has pre-come leaking from his red, swollen tip and I know his end is near, but even more so as his free hand reaches across and starts to knead my breast. I know this is all about Harry, but there’s already a wet patch in my knickers and this certainly doesn’t help one bit—maybe I will have to remind Harry about those multiple orgasms again later tonight. 

“Oh, fuck,” he curses, eyes squeezed shut as he throws his head back against the wall. “I’m so close, Mabel. Don’t stop, don’t—”

We both pause as the door to the male toilets flies open, in walking two men discussing how sticky their meals were and how their napkins just aren’t cutting it. Fuck, we’re about to get caught. However, as long as they stay near the sinks and avoid the stalls, we should be good.

I let go of Harry’s cock in a panic, but Harry grabs my hand immediately. “Keep going,” he urges quietly so only I can hear him. “Ignore them, let me come, and then we can head home so I can fuck the daylights out of you.”

“And what did you say just before about multiple orgasms?” I tease in a hushed tone.

“Oh, shush.” Harry brushes me off. “Usually have a pre-date wank before we meet up, anyway—you know, so I can last longer and all that—but didn’t get a chance today. Guess it’s happening now, though.”

There’s something about the way Harry refers to us catching up as a date that sticks out to me, but I brush that thought away until a more appropriate time to let it consume me—it is already consuming me as I think about the idea of what an actual date with Harry would entail, but again, I try and push it to the back of my mind and focus on the situation before me.

We’re both surprised as one of the men makes their way into a stall one space from ours, praying he doesn’t sense there’s two people hiding inside. Harry, however, takes my hand in his and wraps my palm around his cock; he pumps himself at first, guiding me into a comfortable rhythm, before eventually letting go and squeezing his eyes shut as pleasure begins to override him. 

I can sense he’s about to tell me he’s close, but I know this much is obvious with the way he’s impossibly hard under my touch and gripping at the skin on my hip. The man finishes up in the stall and heads back to the mirrored area to wash his hands, but he’s barely out the door as Harry finally reaches his peak; he throws his head back, knocking it against the wall, and comes in ropes half in my hand and half in the toilet. 

“And those men thought they had sticky hands,” I comment, gesturing my head towards my come laced hand. 

Harry lets out a sigh of relief that it’s all over.

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

My appointment with Sigma was okay. I had the place clean and smelling nice for him. But I have a few different feelings about how the appointment went (prepare for a long post)…

I think he is in the honeymoon stage of our relationship. He is trying to impress me, making subtle hints about spoiling me. Asks me a lot of questions, some of which are personal. It’s very flattering. I’m getting a little annoyed at him hinting at spoiling me, though. I actually think he might be one of those clients that, if you make them jealous, it will actually motivate them to give you more. I wonder…

I also made the mistake of not asking how much time he wanted today. When I confirmed our appointment yesterday, I mistakenly implied that I only had an hour available for him. I’ll never do that again. He ended up booking me for 90 minutes today, though. Hopefully, he settles for 2 hours next time. I fcked that up.

Anyway, we talked a lot… Too much in fact. I like to give clients at least two “pops” per session but we talked so much that we didn’t go a second round and I didn’t give him oral (and he really likes oral). But it’s not his fault. I need to get better at taking initiative during sessions. I am the provider after all. I regret not doing that.

He also asked me a lot about my dating life and my professional life as an escort. This is where I, once again, have regrets…

Because I have this idea that I need to impress clients so, when talking to my clients, I often make up stories about having wealthy clients and/or wealthy boyfriends.

Now, I don’t think there is anything wrong with making up stories to convince paying clients that you’re “high value”. The problem with me is that I don’t enjoy lying! It actually feels bad. Granted, in our society, it is sometimes necessary to lie. But I don’t like lying unnecessarily. It leaves me feeling rotten on the inside. I don’t enjoy making up stories or pretending to be someone I’m not even when it means I can gain financially. I love for people to know the real me (as you can probably tell from my very honest Tumblr posts where I often talk about my bowel movements). I’m one of those people that “wears their heart on their sleeves”. I’m mainly open-book. I’m truthful about my life experience and more positive aspects of myself but I also don’t embellish.

Which leads me to another point: I over-share with clients…

I’m sure clients would like to see me as some kind of unattainable goddess but because I prefer to be honest, it’s difficult for me to maintain that vision for them. I’m afraid that eventually, they’ll discover that I’m actually smarter than they are, I hate men, I’m highly capable, and I have more social consciousness than they are comfortable with. I just can’t maintain an image of being super feminine and intellectually inferior as they’d prefer I be. I’m afraid that my honesty is going to shatter the image they would like to have of me.

Anyway, back to the session…

Now, I will say that the sex today, though it didn’t last long, was good. We had a lot of chemistry. After some foreplay, I rode his pee-nuss like a champ and he came quick.

While we were talking, he also gave me a fun, useful piece of information. He said that he once went to see a fetish provider that does prostate massages. He said that cumming from a prostate massage is one hundred times better than cumming from vaginal penetration. He said that the provider he saw charges $1,100 per hour for her services and she doesn’t even offer penetration. 😐 … Bro…

I asked if she used a toy to reach his prostate and he said she uses her finger. I, then, asked if the session was worth $1,100 and he said, “absolutely”.

::snaps on a pair of surgical gloves:: Bro, point me to the nearest ass hole. Where is it….

I need to learn prostate massage. It’s a fcking must…

He sked why I was interested in prostate massage. I didn’t want to sound like a money-grubber so I came up up some BS reason and told him I like being in control. The truth is that I want to learn a speciality services because I can make good money off of it.

Anyway, he wants to schedule an appointment with me next Friday as well (YAY!). I hope he books for two hours this time. Sigma isn’t rich, I don’t think. But based on his hobbies, I can tell that he’s got a decent amount of disposable income. He also said he barely has any debt. The point is that, when it comes to him, I need to not “fumble the bag” as they say on social media. He wants to stick with me and he can afford to do so.

Another thing - I forgot to offer him water when he came over. I actually had a bottle in the refrigerator just for him. 🙄 Before he comes over next week, I also want to ask if there are any snacks I can keep here for him. The first time we met, he said he wants his provider’s place to be his “sanctuary” and I heard that loud and clear.

I guess I enjoy the customer service aspect of this all. I’m offering a “luxury” service, a service that most people cannot afford so I’m enjoying the process of creating an “experience”. I was even excited to take all of the linen off the bed and wash it clean for his next visit. 😂

I guess that’s all for now. I find Sigma attractive and I genuinely like him. He’s a successful, grown-ass man. He’s confident, kind, and he’s emotionally intelligent. I think we make a great pair. Today, he actually said, “you’re perfect for me”.

Anyway, let’s hope he is as “generous” as he claims, though.

[tojiscumdumpster]

CHAPTER NINE - TOJI

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀✧ summary page

A date. 

 Can’t believe I’m actually going on a date and I was the one who suggested it. I’ve always been in and out of pussy for years, but the last time I’ve been on a date, let alone dating was back when my wife was alive. 

 That’s almost seven-and-a-half years ago. 

 Asking Y/N out was last minute. When I saw her the other day looking so goddamn sexy while in teacher mode, especially wearing those glasses, I knew I needed to see her again as soon as possible. I felt like I was being tested that day because I had to hold myself back from bending her over the desk and giving her cock. 

 God, if she let me, I would’ve. 

 Never thought I had a glasses kink until now. How she kept calling me Mr. Fushiguro, knowing what it does to me, my mind was endless. Of course a horny motherfucker like me jerked off to the thought of having her, later on that night. . . And after I got off the phone with her two nights ago. 

 Sometimes I feel pathetic for being desperate to experience what Y/N feels like, and I know she feels the same. But other than that, I find myself eager to see her tonight. 

 We’ll be alone together. No interruptions. More time, and getting to know each other. Again, another thing that I fucking surprised myself for doing. 

 I try to convince myself that all I want is to fuck Y/N, but I have yet made it clear to her that I want to. We kissed, yeah. I saw her naked, yeah. I dried humped her until I fucking came in my boxers, yeah. But tell her flat out that I just want pussy? No. 

 Because that’s not all I want and I feel fucking shitty about it, too. 

 When my wife died all those years ago, I made a promise to myself to never get attached to anyone else. She was the only one for me. 

 She was it.  

 Can’t help but feel like I’m betraying her and moving on. 

 Then again, it’s just a damn date. It’s not like I’m falling in love with Y/N or anything. We’re just two individuals who are extremely attracted to each other. 

 Who knows? We’ll probably go out and realize it’s just lust, so we’ll fuck and get the shit over with. 

 That’s everything I would say if I was fucking delusional.

 I know it’s more than lust between us. Y/N feels the same way. That familiarity…and it only gets stronger the more we’re around each other. 

 I don’t give a fuck if I only known her for two weeks. I can’t deny the comfort I feel around her, which is well needed while I’m raising Megumi. Don’t have much support in my life, not like I need it, but having Y/N around isn’t too bad. 

 It’s not bad at all, actually. 

 Just hope Megumi is okay with it. Last thing I want is for him to think I’m replacing his mom, especially with his freaking teacher. But there’s nothing wrong with his old man dating after being single for this long. Eventually this conversation will come up whenever me and him can have more than one word conversations. 

 “I’ll be out late tonight, kid. There’s leftovers in the fridge, but I’ll leave cash in case you want something else.” Right now we’re having breakfast together. Quiet, but that’s more than enough for me. 

 “Thanks,” he responds. 

 “Got anything you’re doing after school?”

 “Not really. I’m inviting some friends over.”

 I raise my brows in curiosity, slightly smiling. “Oh? So you do have friends? When I’m going to meet them?” 

 “Why do you have to make everything weird?”

 “What? Can’t be excited about my introverted kid making friends?” I joked. 

 Red flushes under his cheeks that makes me chuckle. We might’ve had our distance, but I know my well enough to know he takes his bashfulness after his mom.

 “It’s not a big deal.”

 “It is to me, kid.” I stand to grab our empty plates, ruffling his spiky hair while doing so, which earned me grunt and Megumi slapping my hand away. “Time for school. Your bus will be here soon. Since when you oversleep anyways?” 

 “Since I have a dad that screams at the TV in the middle of the night while watching horse races,” he argues. 

 He has a point.

 “You got me there, kid. But I’ll see you later. Don’t get into any fights and if you do, make sure you win.”

 “Whatever, Dad. Bye.”

 Work is going by fucking slow. I’m convinced the clock has been at three thirty for the past thirty minutes, and it’s only furthering my annoyance. I haven’t felt the feeling of excitement in god knows how long, but all I care about is clocking out and making my way over to see Y/N. 

 Is that happening any time soon? No. Why? Because the owner of the club decided to call a last minute meeting, thirty minutes before my shift ends, and everyone knows he never shuts the fuck up once he starts. 

 To make matters worse, apparently the meeting is an informational one, so I can expect to stay at work for an extra hour. Since I’m not set to pick up Y/N until eight, I should be good. But some rest before tonight would’ve been fucking nice. 

 The talks about this meeting is some motherfucker bought out the club, so apparently we’re meeting the new owner. Not like I give a damn. So as long as he let me do my job and maybe include a pay increase, that’s all that matters to me. 

 Honestly not surprised the previous owner sold the club. It seemed like the fucker hated being here and was a money hungry beast, which I can relate to. Still not seeing why a last minute meeting needs to be called for this shit. 

 “Oi, Fushiguro! I’m actually surprised that you came.” I don’t even have to look behind me to know that’s Gojo’s annoying fucking ass. Last thing I want is to hear this white haired fuck’s commentary while the meeting is happening.

 “Is it not a meeting?” I retorted.

 “Do you ever come to them?”

 I give him a side eye. “Stop talking to me.”

 “Oh, but if I don’t, who will keep you company while the new owner is yapping?”

 Looks like there’s truth to the talks. 

 “A new owner?” I ask, pointedly.

 He’s take the lollipop out of his mouth and leans his arms on my shoulders like we’re fucking friends. “Yeah, apparently he’s some rich kid from a famous family in Japan.”

 I shrug him off. “A kid is owning the club now?”

 “No, Fushiguro. Use your brain. He’s about my age, so half of yours.” Funny how this blue-eyed freak loves making comments about my age as if I wouldn’t fucking run circles around him.

 I’ll just ignore that comment. 

 “Oh, well I don’t fucking care. Just need this to end fast because I have somewhere to be.”

 “You? What the hell do you do other than eat, sleep, work, and lose all your money at horse races?” He asks sarcastically. “Unless you have a date tonight, I’m sure your late night activities can wait.”

 “Fucking stalking me? How the fuck do you know my business like that?

 “I-” Whatever trivial ass rebuttal Gojo had in mind was cut off by the door slamming open and the two fuckers walking through it. 

 One being the now previous owner of the club, Bruno, old and wrinkly who still wears colorful ass suits. And two, some blonde haired fuck with a bad bleach job and piercings. 

 I can’t put my finger on it but he looks real familiar. 

 “Alright men. Listen up, I’ll keep this short and simple,” Bruno says. “I’m sure most of you heard the rumors about me selling the club. Well, I’m here to confirm that’s true. So starting today, this fella right here will be the new owner and who you report to.”

 “If it’s short and simple, why did you have to call a meeting for this, Boss?” one of the other security guards argues. 

 “Is it wrong for me to want to meet the guards that’ll be working for me?”

 Working for you? 

 When I heard the new owner’s voice, I shot daggers at him and my jaw ticked from hearing his tone, sounding like a condescending prick. I’m very aware that I’m just a disposable employee that works here, but the last thing I want is some shitface holding that over my head. 

 I’m sure I made my presence known just by my eyes piercing his head, and on cue, he looked at me. Not matching my expression, though. He has this grin on his face and an expression of knowing, like he recognizes me somewhere, which I fucking doubt it. 

 I wouldn’t be caught dead around someone like him. 

 “You,”—he points at me with his chin—“what’s your name?”

 Before I’m able to answer, Bruno speaks first. “That’s Toji Fushiguro. One of the top security guards we have. You’ll have no issues when he’s working.”

 He hums. “Nice to know, but can he not speak for himself?”

 “He has a name,” I deadpan. “And Bruno just told you.”

 “A smart ass, I see. Are these the type of guards that worked for you?” Finding a new source of income will not be an issue because I’m two seconds away from smashing his head against the wall if he keeps fucking talking to me like that. 

 “This why we got called into a last minute meaning? To hear you run your mouth?” I quipped. 

 He snorted. “An interesting man you grew to be, Fushiguro.”

 Grew to be? 

 “I know you from somewhere?”

 “Alright, enough of the back and both. Fushiguro, this is your new boss, so give Mr. Zen’in the same respect you give me.”

 Zen’in… Not from the Zen’in family I know. 

 “Yes, if you all don’t want an issue with me, it’s best to listen to your old boss and respect me, considering that I’m writing your checks,” he advised. “As you heard from him, I go by Naoya Zen’in, youngest son of the Zen’in Family from Tokyo, Japan. Starting today, I’ll be your new boss and owner of this establishment.”

 I haven’t seen or heard from the Zen’in in the past two decades, and I’ve made it my mission to keep it that way. But here goes one of their brats fucking being the new owner of where I work. What business does the Zen’in have in the States, anyways? And all places, here. 

 Just hearing that name pumps anger through my veins. I loathe that family. Made my life a living hell because I didn’t want to carry out their stupid ass prodigy role. Imagine expecting a   sixteen-year-old to marry some girl you don’t even know just to appease your so-called family. 

 That’s how I got my first scar on my back. . . It kept going up from there, scar after scar. Nothing will be more memorable than the one on my right lip, though. 

 I can tell you one thing for certain—those Zen’in trash didn’t teach me shit about love, but the abuse and trauma they gave me damn sure taught me about survival. Taught me the feeling of hate and resentment. Didn’t know who the fuck I was when being in that household. 

 It wasn’t until I met my late wife and had Megumi until I found myself again. 

 Now look at me, years later, struggling to show love to my own kid. 

 I don’t know who the hell is this Naoya prick, but the last thing I need is for those Zen'ins' to come anywhere near the life I’m trying to build for me and Megumi. And if I find out he was sent over here to keep tabs on me, I have no issue going back to that lifestyle I’m trying oh so desperately to leave behind. 

 The meeting went over fifteen minutes longer than expected, putting the end time at four forty-five. Less rest time for me, but still enough before I have to pick up Y/N later. 

 Just when I was making my way out to head to the security locker room, I hear my name being called, and it’s by the last fucker I want to hear from.

 “Toji, care to spare a minute of your time?” Naoya asked with a stupid smirk on his face.

 Not like I didn’t just fucking give you seventy-five minutes of my time for that pointless meeting.

 “Fushiguro,” I corrected. As if he knows me well enough to address me by my given name. The only person I want to hear call me Toji is Y/N, and Y/N only. “And actually, no. I have somewhere to be.”

 “It won’t take long.”

 I let out a deep sigh, hands in my pockets and balling into fists out of frustration. “What is it?”

 “I’m sure you’re interested in who I am given the fact that we share the same surname.”

 “We don’t. Fushiguro is my last name,” I deadpan.

 He chuckles. “Well, it is now. Your quite popular in our family-”

 “Your family. Not mine.” Is he really keeping me here to bond over a last name? “Not sure what this has to do with my job, but can you cut the bullshit and get to why you wanted to talk?”

 “I come here with no ill intent. If anything, we have a common loathe and disdain for the Zen’in Family, especially that old geezer, Naobito, who’s on the verge of death,” he explains. 

 “Not interested-”

 “Oh, but you should be.”

 I raise a brow. “And why is that?”

 “Father still has this stupid notion of giving the Zen’in Family an everlasting name, so they’re practically forcing anyone with Zen’in blood to wed and bear children.”

 I shrug, still confused on why he is telling me this. “Seems like this has shit to do with me. I was happily disowned by the Zen’in twenty years ago. Not my concern.”

 “You were. Your son wasn’t.”

 To think I couldn’t get more annoyed than I already am, the mention of Megumi fumes me. It takes me less than two seconds to close our distance and invade his space. Coming after me? Cool. But Megumi? Oh, that’s a death wish waiting to come true.

 “The fuck you just said to me, Zen’in?” 

 He smiles, throwing his hands up to show his innocence. “I’m just the messenger.”

 “You’re telling me Naobito made you his lap dog and sent you across the country to send me a message?”

 “God, no. I’m simply here to handle business. I could give a rat’s ass about that generational nonsense. Money is my only concern,” he affirmed. “Figured I give my favorite cousin a heads up on what’s to come. Apparently the old fart is taking a liking in your son. Maybe he’ll try to manipulate him and give the poor your granduncle is dying wish.”

 It’ll be a cold day in hell if that piece of shit thinks he’ll even breathe the same air as my kid. 

 Think I’ve heard enough about the Zen’in Family for the day, especially when it wasn’t what I expected either. I’ll ignore the comment about me being his favorite cousin because I don’t know this motherfucker, but I’ll keep a close eye on him. 

 Who’s to say he’s not just making up shit to fuck with me? Even so, I won’t take his words lightly. 

 I’ll put this on hold for now. Don’t need this spiraling in my mind while I’m with Y/N.

 Seems like a trip down memory lane will be needed soon.

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

discussion question #5 — toji's cousin, naoya, has made an appearance in life and it seems like it's going to be a permanent change. any predictions of what's going to happen now that he's here?

[normaltothemax]

Jason lets himself shut his eyes for just a moment. Lets himself pretend everything’s fine, lets himself melt into Kon, though he can’t quite lose all of the tension in his body, no matter how many pressure points Kon hits. No matter how good that hand feels in his hair, he’s still on edge. Once that moment is up, he’s opening his eyes again and staring at a singular point on the wall. He takes a breath to steady himself, and forces himself to talk. “Don’t…don’t say anything. Just let me get this out. I don’t think I’ll be able to finish if I stop.”

And he needs to get this out.

“When I was fifteen, B fired me. He took Robin away. I was pissed and upset, so I ran away, went back to the building I grew up in. Turned out, one of my old neighbours kept some of mine and my mom’s stuff. My birth certificate was in there and, according to that, Catherine wasn’t actually my mom. Not biologically, at least. I couldn’t make out the whole name, but I managed to narrow it down to three women, and I ran off looking for my birth mother. I found her in Ethiopia. Shelia Haywood.” There’s venom in his voice when he says her name. Clearly, as a mother, she left much to be desired.

“She was working as an aid worker out there. I was so excited that I found her. I was convinced we would be a family. So, when I found out that Joker was blackmailing her…I wanted to help her. She was my mom, you know?” He scoffs. “I was so stupid. She didn’t believe I could help her, ‘cause I was just a kid, so I told her I was Robin and she…” Even now, years later, the betrayal still stings. He takes a shuddering breath. “She sold me out to him. She’s the reason I was ever in that damn warehouse. She just stood there, smoked a cigarette and watched as the fucking clown beat me half to death with a crowbar. He locked her in there with me when he set the timer for the bomb. She didn’t expect that.”

A dark, self-deprecating chuckle escaped him. “I still tried to save her. When we couldn’t get the door open, I tried to shield her with my body. You know it wasn’t even the explosion that killed me? It was the smoke. I fucking choked to death, and the whole time, from the second she gave me up, all I could think was that Batman would save me. Bruce was coming and he would save me and everything would be okay.”

He swallowed thickly, took another steadying breath. “Obviously that didn’t happen. I died. They buried me. And six months later, I woke up in my coffin, six feet underground. Still don’t know how or why, but I did, and I was just…so fucking scared. I remember just…screaming and crying and begging for Bruce to save me. Again. And again, he didn’t, and I had to claw my way out with nothing but my hands and a goddamn belt buckle.

“I don’t remember much after that. There was dirt everywhere…in my ears and my eyes and my mouth. I remember not being able to breathe, choking on it. But I eventually made it out and after that…I dunno. Talia said I was in some sorta, like, walking coma. I had muscle memory, and I’d eat and go to the bathroom and fight back when someone attacked me and stuff, but I didn’t respond to anything else. The only real memory I have after digging myself out of my own grave is choking again. Being surrounded by green and drowning in the Lazarus Pit before I finally made it out. After that was just anger. I was so fucking angry. Killed a couple of Talia’s men before they got me under control.”

His fingers tapped absently against Kon’s hip, Jason’s tongue darting out to wet his lips. “The thing people don’t realize about the Pit is that it doesn’t just amplify anger. It’s all kinds of negative emotions. It…I’m pretty sure it suppresses a lot of the good shit, too, because I’ve been remembering a lot of stuff over the last little while that I don’t think I should’ve forgotten. Good memories from before I died that, up until I got them back, I didn’t think I had. It made it so easy to hate Bruce. To hate Tim. To want them to suffer for what I thought they did, because the Pit was right there, telling me I was right for hating them, giving me even more reasons why I should. Even now, when I lose it, everything goes green, and it doesn’t matter how bad whatever I’m doing is, or how wrong I know it is, the Pit makes me think it’s the right thing to do. It…it scares me. I fucking hate when that happens, even if it’s not nearly as often anymore.

“But back then it was basically all the time. There wasn’t a second that I didn’t hate them, and Talia used that, fed me selective information and twisted it, just to make it worse. I almost killed Tim to prove Bruce couldn’t protect his Robins, like that would force him to put an end to them altogether. I got Black Mask to break the Joker out of Arkham, kidnapped him, beat the shit out of him, and tried to get Bruce to kill him. I had Joker in front of me, gun to his head, and I threw a gun to B. Told him it was the clown or me. Only left him with the option of a headshot if he wanted to stop me.”

He huffs out a frustrated breath, hurt obvious in his voice as he continues. “He didn’t even have to kill him. Deep down I knew he wouldn’t. All he had to do was let me pull the trigger. All he had to do was nothing.” His jaw tightens, fingers tightening their hold on Kon’s hip. “Instead, he stopped me with a batarang to the throat. He chose my fucking murderer over me.”

For a few seconds, he’s silent, trying to calm his racing heart, steady his breathing, having worked himself up. “So, yeah. I have nightmares all the time,” which Kon already knows, “about a lot of that shit. Every once in a while, though, like…like tonight, I get a goddamn highlight reel. Everything gets mixed together and twisted even further. Half the time I wake up screaming. I’m kinda surprised I didn’t tonight.” He forces himself to let go of Kon’s hip, rubbing at his face with that hand instead.

“So, yeah. That’s…I mean, that’s not all of it, obviously, but it’s the majority. I’ve never…I mean, B and the others know most of it, I’m sure, but I never actually told anyone all that. I…I don’t think I’ve been able to.” Even now, he feels like shit. Tired and wrung out and like his entire soul has just been laid bare. There’s an age old ache in his chest, and he knows Kon can’t actually fix it—he can’t change any of it, can’t make that pain go away, but it doesn’t stop the childish part of Jason from wanting him to anyways.

a hum leaves him in a mocked annoyance at the suggestion that he stop listening to Jason's heartbeat. maybe when he was dead. but not a moment before would he stop checking in on them that way. Jason would just have to suck it up. he noses at the younger's cheek when he drops his head on his shoulder. not missing the little smile on his lips. good Jason deserved to smile all the time. though he knew it was likely never going to happen. the grumpy little drama queen.

Kon loved him anyway.

it's not difficult to allow Jason to manhandle him to the couch, amused with the position choice. though it made sense given the current situation. he only employs his TTK in order to shift them a little bit more. letting Jason use his stomach as a pillow instead of his leg. he doesn't waste any time getting his fingers into tangled curls. he doesn't really need Jason to talk to him. or even tell him anything. he was just trying to comfort his boyfriend in a way that he knew that he could. that phantom pressure returns to wrap around the younger's body. the hope was to hit all the pressure points that he could remember in order to help Jason relax.

the question catches him a little off guard, but he doesn't let it show. if Jason wanted to talk, then they could talk. whatever he needed to feel better.

"I know the basics, I guess. don't know how true it is. I probably only know the weird rumors that circulate the hero world. and we know how reliable all that is." he didn't want to assume that he knew what happened to the younger. he wanted to know for sure and hear it directly from Jason.

[topazy]

In the shadows

Pairing: Stiles Stilinski x reader

Warnings: None

Chapter: 1.08

“So Scott got dumped?”

“Yeah, and he’s pretty cut up about it,” Stiles sighs before flopping back onto the bed, so he’s laying beside you. “He kept trying to get me to drink with him, then got mad that his werewolf healing stopped him from getting drunk.”

“Is that why you smell like a brewery?” You say, scrunching up your nose. The closer Stiles got to you, the clearer you could smell the alcohol on his breath.

“Y-yes, now moving onto the next subject. Are you coming to school tomorrow or have you still got a pass?”

“I can stay off until my wound heals better. My mom is still really struggling to believe I fell and cut it in the shape of claw marks.”

Stiles mumbles something that you are unable to make out before falling asleep. You shrug, and roll to face the other way, closing your eyes, knowing he’d go home when he eventually woke up.

—

The next morning, you are woken up by the sound of someone knocking at your bedroom door. You let out a groan and stretched your arms out, and when you did, you noticed Stiles was gone and your bedroom window was open.

You snort a laugh before telling your mom to come in, but it's Milo who walks in.

“What are you doing here?”

“I just wanted to see if you're okay,” he says sincerely. “Jackson told me what happened at school and that Derek attacked you and killed the janitor.”

He sits down on the edge of the bed, and you shift uncomfortably. Milo had changed so much recently that you wouldn’t even class him as a friend anymore. You make awkward small talk before your ex makes out a sigh, “Do you think we could maybe try again? We were good together.”

You shake your head, “no, I don’t think we can.” You reply, knowing as long as he was friends with Jackson, you could never truly trust him. “But I’d still like us to be friends. There’s no reason for us to hate each other.”

“Friends,” he repeats while standing up. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Is there anything going on between you and Stilinski?”

“No, we are just best friends.” The answer leaves a sour taste in your mouth.

“Okay. I hope your foot heals. I’ll see you around,” he says before leaving.

—

As you step into the hallway, your eyes instinctively search the area, looking for any signs of Scott or Stiles. Despite the pain you were in, the moment Stiles texted you saying he was in the line up for his lacrosse team, you wanted to congratulate him in person, plus you were bored sitting inside all day.

You're not sure why, but you're convinced you can hear Scott’s voice coming from the other end of the hallway and walk towards the coach's office. You push the door open to see him and Lydia making out.

“Scott!” You snap.

He jumps back from the redhead in an almost trance state. Lydia looks at you, mortified at being caught cheating on Jackson.

You look between them and click your tongue. “Nobody tells Stiles about this. I’m not having either of you ruin today for him.”

You slam the door shut behind you and make your way to the girls' bathroom and text your mom, asking her to come pick you up. You didn’t want to risk seeing Scott again; you were so mad at him for doing the one thing that would hurt Stiles the most. The bathroom door opened and Lydia entered, walking towards you with a sheepish expression on her face. “Mori, please don’t tell Allison or Jackson. I don’t know what came over me.”

You study her for a moment, trying to figure out if she’s genuinely worried about her friend's feelings or not. “I won’t say anything to them.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m not doing it for you. I’m not saying anything because of Stiles, and I actually care if he gets hurt or not since I’m apparently the only one who does.” She looks at you blankly as if you’ve grown a second head, which irritates you more. Everyone knew how much Stiles liked her; he’d never once hidden it, and Scott should have known better.

“I wanted to make myself feel better, okay? Jackson…I just wanted to feel wanted.”

You feel bad for her. Lydia wasn’t a bad person, she was just hurting. “I understand wanting to get back at your dickhead boyfriend, but Scott isn’t the way to do it. You deserve someone who worships you, not someone who treats you the way Jackson does.”

She gives you a sad smile. You look down at your phone when your mom texts you saying she’s outside. When you go to leave, Lydia turns and meets your eyes, “Wait... Milo is telling people you cheated on him with Stiles and Jackson is backing him up.”

“What? That’s not true,” You say, shocked. “Milo stopped by my house this morning and never said a word. I’ve never cheated on him.”

“He’s showing people a picture of Stiles climbing out of your bedroom window, and Jackson is telling people he saw you two looking up close the night we got locked in the school. They are already making jokes about you jumping between them.”

You gulp down, trying to hide how hurt you are, “Thank you for telling me.”

—

You somehow manage to hold back tears until you are in the privacy of your own room. You're rubbing your eyes while standing against your wall. A rumour like that would spread like wildfire and open the door to all kinds of teasing. You feel a heavy weight pressing down against your chest as more tears spill from your eyes.

Eventually, you stop crying and open your eyes again to be greeted by an extremely uncomfortable looking Derek Hale, who’s standing by your window. You seriously need to get a better lock on it.

“Why are you in my room?”

“Keep your voice down,” he hissed. “I want to know what you are.”

“Aside from being an idiot who tried to be nice to her ex and is now about to be slut shamed by her whole school, I don’t know,” you say dramatically. “But what I do know is that you are still wanted for murder, and if you get caught here, we would both be in trouble, so please go.”

Derek raises his brows before saying, “Show me the cut on your leg.”

You roll your eyes and kick off your black boots before rolling up the bottom of your jeans. He huffs impatiently as you roll the bandages down, “I’m so sorry. Is trying not to burst my stitches open not convenient for you?”

He glares at you but says nothing while inspecting the claw marks. Derek apparently wasn’t in the mood to argue with a moody teenage girl. He scoffs, “I don’t think it’s deep enough for you to turn.”

“Turn? Turn into what?”

“A werewolf,” he deadpans.

You rub your forehead, not wanting to hear anymore, “Derek, just get out.”

“One more thing,” he says while walking towards your window.

You give him a death stare, “What?”

He lets out a frustrated sigh, “What’s your ex boyfriend's name?”

“Milo.”

With that, Derek left your room without a word.

—

You find yourself walking into the McCall house despite how mad you were at Scott. You were reluctant to go, but Stiles had texted you seventeen times in the space of an hour saying Scott had serial killer eyes. You decided to drop by. You also wanted to tell him about Derek dropping by, and to give him a heads-up about the rumours that had been spread about you.

When you reached the top of the staircase, you were surprised to see Stiles sitting in the hallway looking upset and a clanging sound on the other side of the door. “What’s going on?”

“Scott’s chained to the radiator.”

“Oh,” you say as you take a seat beside him in the corridor.

“Did you know he kissed Lydia?”

The look of hurt on his face made you feel incredibly guilty and a tiny bit jealous. Lydia had no idea how lucky she was to have someone like Stiles care so deeply for her. “Yeah, I wanted to tell you but... I wanted to wait because you were so excited about getting picked for the lacrosse lineup. I just didn’t want to ruin that for you.”

He smiles at you and punches you playfully. “Awww, you care.”

“Shut up,” you blush. You fill him in on Derek dropping by your house, but are cut off when Scott lets out a loud roar.

Stiles jumps up and runs into his bedroom to find it empty. “He’s gone, Scott’s gone.”

—

After driving around for a while trying to find your friend in werewolf form, Stiles decided to drop you off at home. When he pulls up outside your house, he rests his hand on yours to comfort you. “All these rumours will pass, and those idiots will be talking about something else soon.”

“Thanks. Are you going home after this?”

As Stiles tells you, he’s going to call his dad. Your phone lights up, and you let out a gasp while reading the most recent text on your phone. He looks at you worried, “What’s wrong?”

You show him your phone so he can read it .

𝙵𝚛𝚘𝚖: 𝙻𝚢𝚍𝚒𝚊

𝙹𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝙼𝚒𝚕𝚘 𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚙𝚒𝚝𝚊𝚕. 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚌𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚊 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚖𝚊𝚕.

[fear-of-flyers]

it's all too much for me to take [the love that's shining all around here] (kent johnson)

kent johnson x gn!reader

word count: 2050

warnings: underage drinking, reader is anxious, symptoms of a panic attack (if there's anything else let me know!)

It was all too much. You were at a frat party with the team and it was all too much. The party came at the end of midterms, a way to celebrate things going back to semi-normal and everyone being done with testing but you couldn’t do it. Your original plan for the night was to stay in and watch a movie by yourself, decompress after the week, and set your brain back on the right track. But, after being begged over and over by Owen, Kent, and Briss you found yourself at a party. Granted, it wasn’t their fault. They couldn’t read your mind and you didn’t realize how truly overwhelmed you felt. But, now an hour into the party you felt yourself start to lose it. 

The music was too loud, there were people everywhere, and to top it off you didn’t know where any of your friends were. As you backed yourself into a corner you felt the familiar nerves of a panic attack creeping up. Thankfully, you weren’t too out of it yet and got it together enough to start pushing your way through the crowds. Finally, you made it to the kitchen where the boys were taking shots with some of their other friends. At first, you hung back, not wanting to interrupt their good time. You felt bad that you let your bad feelings take over and possibly ruin someone’s night. But eventually, your shaking became too much to handle and you realized that you had to at least tell someone you were leaving. Brendan looked the drunkest so you walked over to him first, hoping that his intoxication would stop him from seeing your panic. 

“Hey,” you said over the music. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m gonna head out now. I’m kinda tired.” At that you turned to leave, but Brendan grabbed your arm to stop you. “Nooo, don’t leave Y/n.” He whined, “It’s too early to leave.” You smiled gently and shook your head. “Not too early for me bud.” You said, starting to turn again before Briss yelled behind him. “Yo! Kent, Owen get over here! You have to help me convince Y/n to stay a little longer!” Turning again to face Brendan you saw both of the boys he called walking over. Internally you broke a little more, you didn’t need to be there any longer and you knew that if you weren’t careful, Kent would be able to see how you were feeling. 

Now, this wasn’t a bad thing, but you knew that if Kent figured out how you were feeling he would also want to help fix those feelings. And the last thing you needed was for Kent to think you were weak. The two of you had been dancing around feelings for a couple of months and, with a little effort, you had kept your image pristine around him. Your thinking was if he didn’t know how fucked you were sometimes he might actually like you. But, Kent knew you better than you thought and he liked you still. You didn’t know this though, which is why you found yourself standing next to Briss, a shot in hand, trying desperately to hold a smile onto your face. “Hey!” You said, trying to sound enthusiastic as Kent and Owen slowed to a stop next to you. “I guess we’re doing shots.” You continued, ignoring Kent’s slight stare as Briss handed him and Owen their shot glasses. 

“Yeah, shots,” Kent said, looking at you, hearing something off in your voice. “3, 2, 1 go!” Brendan said, throwing his shot back rather aggressively, and cheering as the three of you took yours. With that, you placed your cup on the table. “Okay Briss,” you said, “I took a shot so now I’m actually gonna go.” You once again started to turn to leave when Briss grabbed your arm. “C’mon Y/n, one more please?” He whined. You shook your head, desperate to leave. Thankfully, Kent took notice of what was happening. “Briss, I’m actually gonna head out too,” Kent said, gently grabbing the hand that Brendan was holding. “I’ll walk you home.” At that, you, once again, shook your head. “No, Kent, I’m fine. I can make it home by myself.” You argued, pulling away from Kent and walking to the door. Quickly Kent started after you, and after speeding up once he realized how fast you were walking he caught up. 

“Y/n please,” Kent said. “I can clearly see how anxious you are right now. Please let me walk you home.” You stopped, considering your options. Kent walking you home would make you feel safer and therefore also calm your anxiety. But, you didn’t want to interact with anyone, especially not someone who could read you so well. Finally you turned to look at him and, faced with the concern you saw on his face, gave in. “Sure Kent,” you said, “you can walk me home.” Finally, Kent smiled and moved to start walking alongside you. “Can I hold your hand?” He asked, “Or would that make it worse? I know it could go either way.” Instead of answering you grabbed his hand in yours, lacing your fingers together. Immediately Kent started running his thumb back and forth along your knuckles, a soothing motion. 

Now, if you weren’t freaking out for separate reasons you were definitely freaked out over this. Not only was Kent not running far, far, away, he was holding your hand trying to comfort you. The rest of the walk sped by and before you knew it Kent was turning to you and asking “Where is your key?” You reached into your pocket and pulled out your dorm key, trying to open the door yourself before handing the key to Kent. “Holy shit Y/n, you’re shaking a lot.” He said, eyes wide, “Are you okay?” You laughed a little, “I mean not really,” you responded truthfully. “You saw how anxious I was Kent. Kinda why you walked me back. The shaking is just from the anxiety.” You explained. Your answer settled him a little but he still wasn’t fully comforted. Finally, he unlocked the door and held it open for you to walk inside. Kent walked in behind you, letting the door shut gently. He watched as you sat on the small couch in your ‘living area’ and tried to regulate your breathing before snapping out of his daze and getting you a glass of water.

You were out of it, to say the least, so as Kent sat next to you, you jumped a little. “Shit. Sorry,” he said, handing you the glass. “I got you some water because I didn’t know what else to do.” You smiled gently at him, taking a sip of the water. “Thank you,” you said. As you finished the glass the two of you sat in awkward silence before Kent cleared his throat. “Well, if there isn’t anything else I can do,” he started, “I guess I’ll just head out.” You nodded slightly but inside were scrambling for a reason to get him to stay. Secretly Kent was doing the same, enjoying the alone time that the two of you didn’t frequently get. “Actually-” you said. At the same time Kent started “What if I just stayed until you’re completely fine? That way I’m here if you need something.” You looked up from the floor and met Kent’s eyes, a smile on both of your faces. “Yeah,” you said, “that would be nice.” The following silence was notably more comfortable as you finally got your breathing in check. 

Once you were breathing right you grabbed your laptop off of the coffee table. “Wanna watch something?” You asked, opening the computer up and logging into Disney +. “Sure,” Kent said, moving closer to you to look at the screen. “How about The Princess Bride?” He asked, seeing it on your watchlist. You nodded, clicking on the movie. The two of you got a little into it before agreeing to move to your bed to be more comfortable. Eventually, you found yourself cuddled together, your back to Kent’s chest, Kent’s hand tracing random shapes onto your thigh. When that started to tickle you used it as the perfect opportunity to slip your hand into his, stilling his movements. Kent then took that as a sign to pull you in closer to him, resting his head on your shoulder. The two of you stayed like that for the rest of that movie and into the next (Step Brothers, Kent’s choice). As the end of that movie drew near you found yourself half asleep on Kent’s chest. Kent had fallen asleep about 15 minutes prior and his hand still rested in the small of your back. You let yourself drift off, happy and comfortable. 

The next morning you half expected to wake up alone, with no sign of Kent anywhere. The computer would still be closed on the coffee table, no glasses in the sink, the night before entirely a dream. But, you woke up exactly where you fell asleep the night before to Kent gently rubbing your back again. You shifted slightly, just enough to look up at Kent who was smiling sleepily down at you. “G'morning Y/n.” He said, voice full of sleep. “Good morning Kent.” You said back, moving yourself to sit up slightly. Kent moves with you until the two of you are facing each other, Kent up against your headboard and you criss cross between his legs. You stared at each other a bit longer in happy silence before Kent suggested getting breakfast. You agreed, pulling on a change of clothes and offering Kent a hoodie so he wasn’t fully in old clothes. 

With that, the two of you made your way to the dining hall. As you walked the reality of your situation came to the front of both of your minds. The night before was all the reassurance you needed to confirm that the feelings you had were mutual but you didn’t know how to address it. The rest of your walk passed in semi-awkward silence but as you made it into the dining hall you bit the bullet and decided to address it straight up. “Kent,” you started, “Can we talk about last night and what it means for us while we eat?” At your question Kent breathed out a sigh of relief, he was worried that the night before was a fluke, that he just happened to be the person there. “Of course,” he said. “That would be great.” The two of you then split up to get your breakfasts, meeting back at a table in the back corner of the room. But, despite being brave enough to bring it up, you were apparently not brave enough to start the actual conversation. Luckily enough Kent was. 

“I like you Y/n.” He said, “Like a lot. And I have for a while. And I get if last night was just a coincidence but-” At the mention of a coincidence, you had to interrupt him. “No!” You said. “Last night wasn’t just a coincidence. I like you too, like a lot. And thank you for being there last night, I wouldn’t have wanted it to be anyone else.” Your admission had Kent stoked, and you were incredibly happy that your feelings were returned. The rest of breakfast passed with fairly normal conversation. Kent talked about how practices had been going, and you shared the latest drama from your stats class. Finally, the two of you finished your meals, and as you were gathering your plates Kent cleared his throat. He seemed kind of nervous which made you nervous. “So,” he started, “with everything we talked about I was wondering if I could take you on a date this Friday.” You were quick to nod. “Of course Kent. I would love to.” For whatever reason your answer made Kent blush, out of nerves or excitement you didn’t know. “Does after the game work?” He asked, adding “I could give you a jersey to wear if you wanted.” You nodded again, grabbing his hand as the two of you moved to leave the dining hall. “That would be perfect.”

[ollieofthebeholder]

(Reblogging because it didn’t all fit in a reply - I hope you don’t mind. If you do, I can absolutely delete this.)

So. Tips for dealing with Anxious Toddler Brain.

My first step is usually to get my brain to calm down. Distract it with a toy, or a cute video, or a sweet (I used to keep a bag of Starlite Mints in my bag at all times - the peppermint, the sweet, and something hard to bite on or stick under my tongue all help). I also find drinking a glass of ice water can settle things. But I’ve learned from experience I am not going to be able to convince myself to stop believing something while I’m still actively thinking about it, so I give myself a minute or two to distance myself from it a bit.

Once I’ve got out of the immediate “nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worms” stage, that’s when I talk to my brain like it’s an overtired toddler. I find, personally, that it helps me to actually say it out loud, even if it’s under my breath, so you might want to do this part somewhere private. I remind myself that nobody has to hang around with me, or talk to me, or make accommodations for me, and if they are doing it, it’s because they do actually want to do those things. I tell myself how nice it is that somebody is willing to do those things so that I can be involved in a way I’m comfortable with. Sometimes I ask myself why I don’t do those things for myself. If I’m feeling particularly cocky - or if I had a particularly bad spike of anxiety - I say something like “wow, I must be a really awesome person if people are doing all these things for me!” (Usually that last bit makes me laugh at myself, but it does at least distract me from thinking I’m the worst person in the world because they HAVE to do them, because I can’t just function like a normal person.)

Advanced stage, and this is something that only came with practice: I taught myself (again, by actually talking to my brain like a toddler, i.e. “What do you say to the nice lady...?”) to flip the script when I’m actually talking with people. Instead of saying “Sorry you had to go out of your way to do X for me”, I trained myself to say “Thank you for doing X”. I’ll grant you that at first a lot of it was “Thank you. Sorry you had to do that”, but eventually I was able to drop the “sorry”. I also, and this was the big one for me, became aware - mostly because my mom kept doing it too and I finally called her out on it - that I was apologizing for something, being told it was okay, and then continuing to apologize. I wasn’t trusting that people were actually accepting my apology - or that it wasn’t necessary to apologize. I ended up recruiting some of my friends to help me with that one by getting them to say “You don’t need to apologize, but I accept your apology anyway” instead of “it’s fine”.

I won’t say it’s easy. I’ve been gaming with the same group of people since 2015 and it’s only been relatively recently that I’ve been able to convince myself that they probably aren’t talking about me behind my back, that they almost certainly aren’t deliberately excluding me from things, and that they really don’t mind that they have to text or message me on Discord when something major goes on that needs my input because I’m the only one who doesn’t have Facebook Messenger on their phone and doesn’t check it regularly. It’s been a process, but it’s been working.

i think my life would be improved somewhat if i were not constantly embarrassed by everything ever for no reason

[adoringhaikyuu]

they reject you and regret it afterwards

CHARACTERS: kuroo + iwaizumi + osamu + (gn!reader)

REQUEST: pspspsps i hope its okay if i drop my request here since i saw that yours are open :D can you maybe do how kuroo, iwaizumi and osamu rejects reader confession ( they are best friend ) because they have feelings for another person but later they regret it when they moved on? i love it when the boys realize it later how much the reader means to them but y/n took the chance to move on and have a sexy glow up ✋😩 yessss i wanna see them suffer at the end >:) • by anonymous

WARNINGS: dumb boys hurting your feelings and you hurting them right back :/

NOTES: i feel like i’m not too good at writing angst lol but i made these blurbs instead of hcs! 

kuroo let you down easy, not wanting to hurt your feelings––to be honest he did feel something for you, but he wasn’t sure if it was what you wanted it to be. he felt more certain of the feelings he had for someone else. someone you slowly watched him admire from afar until he worked up the courage to start joking with them, then offering to buy them lunch and so on. 

you still remember the awkward smile he gave you when you confessed to him, the smile that absolutely broke you because it showed you how much he didn’t want you the way you wanted him. not enough to give up his efforts with someone else. “i’m flattered y/n, but i’m sorry i just––you know i have a date this week...” 

you’d looked down immediately, unable to look him in the eyes longer and swallowed back the lump in your throat that was aching to come up in a sob. “yeah yeah, i’m sorry i just––let’s forget this ever happened, yeah?”

you gave him your most convincing smile and he agreed, wanting everything to be normal between the two of you.

but it wasn’t until he’d gone on a few dates with them to realize that it didn’t feel right. it didn’t feel familiar, the way he thought it would. it wasn’t the same comfort he felt in your presence. when they texted him, he didn’t feel the same burst of happiness he felt when you messaged him. he tried to wait it out, to see if things would change, but they didn’t. they just weren’t you.

it’d been a few weeks since you’d confessed and gotten rejected, but you decided to move on instead of dwelling on his unrequited feelings––it wouldn’t do you any good to wallow and weep over your best friend. you wanted him to be happy, and you deserved to be too. so you knocked yourself out of that sad headspace and changed yourself up a bit. you started to value yourself better than you did before, you dressed the way you wanted to but were always afraid of doing and everything about you just brightened up. and other people noticed as well. 

kuroo had kind of been too preoccupied to notice, if he was being honest. he didn’t realize what he had in front of him until he practically sprinted over to your place to surprise you and be honest about his feelings. you opened the door, already dressed up and kuroo took a step back, eyes widening as they took you in. did you always look this breathtaking?

“wow...”

you smiled gratefully, straightening out your clothes. “thanks, that’s what i was going for.” you walked back into your apartment to get your shoes, “not that i mind but what are you doing here?” 

he blinked out of his trance and stepped in, closing the door behind him. “oh i just––i brought us some food.” he raised the bag he was holding even though you weren’t facing him. “i was kinda hoping we could spend some time together...” he scratched the back of his head, “maybe talk about a few things...” he trailed off when something clicked in his head as he watched you slip your shoes on. “wait why are you all dressed up?” 

you turned and looked at him apologetically, “oh...i’m sorry kuroo,” you paused, “i actually have somewhere to be. can i take a raincheck?”

he opened his mouth for a few seconds as he watched you, but no sound came out. “oh um...well could i just––wait here? until you get back?” 

you looked to the side awkwardly bringing one hand up to hold your other arm. “it’s just that...i might not be alone when i come back.”

as soon as you uttered those words, he could feel his heartbeat falter in his chest, a faint ringing noise in his ears. 

“...a date?” 

you nodded with a smile and though it’s selfish, he felt a part of him dim on the inside when he noticed how excited you were. he didn’t really have a right to stop you now did he, not when you chose his happiness over your own what felt like way long ago. so he wouldn’t.

he nodded as well, “oh” he forced a smile onto his face and stepped back towards the door, “that’s exciting. i’m happy for you, really.” he turned the door knob, “i’ll catch up with you some other time then, yeah? you’ll tell me how it went.” he looked at you one last time, his gaze wavering under the undeterred happiness radiating from you.

when he finally stepped out and closed your door, all the emotions hit him at once. he didn’t know what hurt the most, the fact that he was too late, or the fact that you didn’t stop him, didn’t notice the pleading look in his eyes as he silently begged you to stay with him. 

iwaizumi froze when you told him how you felt. it was the smallest reaction you’d ever seen from him before, the calmest––yet it did anything but soothe you. you could see the hesitation in his eyes, the uncertainty of what to say next in the way his mouth opened but produced no sound. you already knew what he was going to say.

he will admit, seeing the tears in your eyes that you barely managed to blink back when he rejected you did strike a blow to his heart. but he just couldn’t tell you what you wanted to hear, he wouldn’t lie to you. “i––i’m sorry y/n i just...don’t feel the same.” 

his eyes were apologetic, almost pitiful as he watched you take a step back, “right, right. that’s––that’s okay.” you tried to smile but it felt more like a grimace. “i just didn’t want to keep it to myself, that’s all. i’m sure i’ll get over it soon.” he nodded but wasn’t sure what else to say. so he didn’t say anything. 

things were a little awkward for a couple weeks between the two of you, but you didn’t want to lose your friendship, so you eventually moved on. 

it wasn’t until one day you were at the café you always went to together that you noticed him taking longer than usual to bring back your drinks. you looked over to see him chatting with the barista, both of them with nervous smiles on their faces. he came back a few minutes later with a note in his pocket that you assumed was the barista’s number and a blush on his cheeks. he placed your drink in front of you, eyes looking down, and didn’t mention anything, probably since he didn’t want to rub it in, so you didn’t bring it up either. 

but you did wonder if they were the reason he didn’t feel the same for you––you wondered if they weren’t in the picture, if he would have fallen for you instead. 

he didn’t want to hide anything from you, so he told you when he had a date coming up. you wished him luck and told him you hoped he’d have a good time and that was that. 

they ended up dating but you didn’t mind. he seemed happy and you truly did want the best for him. you started focusing on yourself and eventually found a boyfriend, one who appreciated you and loved you and you couldn’t ask for more. 

iwaizumi was happy for you as well, but he couldn’t ignore this piercing feeling he felt when he first heard the news, then when he would see you two together, on your double dates, at parties, anywhere, really. something just ticked him off. he knew he didn’t have a right to feel this way, but he couldn’t help it, couldn’t make sense of it. he couldn’t even figure out what it meant. 

only once he realized the ache he felt in his chest when you smiled at your boyfriend the way you used to smile at him, the pull at his heart when you kissed his cheek, completely enamored. only then did he realize that he was jealous, that he’d made a mistake, that he’d lost the one chance he had of being with his soulmate. 

osamu had just gotten his new restaurant, he was achieving his goals, living his life without fear, and you took inspiration from that. you decided to be upfront about your brewing feelings and ask him out just as he put the finishing touches in the establishment.

he was wiping down the counter as you sat at the bar, swallowing your nerves as you watched him. “hey samu?”

he hummed and glanced up at you for a second before looking back to what he was doing. 

you took a deep breath, “would you maybe...want to go out to eat tomorrow?” 

he didn’t look up, but his brows furrowed, “yeah? why are you even asking?” 

you paused, of course he wouldn’t realize what you meant, you guys ate together all the time. you blinked a few times before clearing your throat, “um i just––i meant as a...date?” 

this time, he paused, well more like froze. he kept his eyes on the counter, his face blank, but you could tell he was internally processing everything. did he hear you right? “what?” 

you considered taking it back, but you had a feeling he did hear you, he just wasn’t sure how to respond. “um...i asked if you wanna go on a date? with me...”

he nodded and straightened up, “right.” he brought a hand up to scratch the back of his head, finally looking at you and the look in his eyes was enough to make your wavering confidence crumble. “i sort of have my eye on someone else right now...” you nodded, trying not to let the tears form in your eyes. he went on, “my new neighbor needed to borrow something and we got to talking...was thinking of asking them out, actually.” that was the final twist of the knife. 

“oh...” your voice was small ”thats––that’s great!” you smiled but kept your eyes cast down, “forget what i asked i just...wanted to see what you’d say haha,” you tried to play it off as a joke, “i got you!” 

he stared at you silently for a few seconds, clearly contemplating whether or not he believed you, but in the end, he let it go. 

you never brought up that night ever again, but you thought about it constantly. it haunted you, in a way. of course the one time you’re finally able to speak up about your feelings, it backfired. 

you were in a very upsetting and self deprecating headspace for a while, wondering if this was your sign to never make the first move, if you were the problem. it took you a little while to snap out of it, but once you did, you realized your worth and stopped looking at the world through a grey lens––you felt like you’d bloomed as a person. 

things didn’t go very far with osamu and his neighbor, but you didn’t take that as an opportunity to try again with him, you didn’t want to wait around for him, even though you thought about it for a second at first––you learned to respect yourself more. 

meanwhile, your best friend was beside himself, going through the process of reflection and realization. it’s not that he was desperate after a failed relationship, it’s more so that he suddenly realized he had someone perfect right by him all these years––it only made sense. but he was too stupid to realize that, to realize that he cared about you as more than a friend. he had foolishly mistaken his feelings for you as caring for a friend––you two had been inseparable since you were kids, he couldn’t even notice when his feelings shifted from caring for a friend to loving his best friend. 

he decided to talk to you about it, it’d only been a few months since you’d joked? about going on a date with him, but part of him felt confident that you might have meant it for real. he was sure you’d be open to it still. he called you during his break at work and found himself smiling as soon as he heard your voice. 

“hey samu what’s up?” 

he started to answer, but he trailed off when he heard you laughing at an unfamiliar voice in the background. “hey...just wanted to talk. what are you uh up to?” 

he heard you shush whoever was with you. “nothing much.” he heard you sit down.” i can’t stay for long but what did you want to talk about? i’m all ears.”

he was going to brush it off, maybe it was just a friend, but when he heard a faint ‘babe’ and what sounded like a small kiss on the other end, that was all he needed to confirm his suspicions. “yeah i just...i’ll actually call you back later, okay?”

you paused on the other end, most likely confused, but you let him go nonetheless. 

osamu sat there in his office at the back of his restaurant, surrounded by silence, complete disbelief and an indescribable ache running through his body. was he really too late? 

[storiesforallfandoms]

and the winner is... ~ eminem

word count: 1784

request?: yes!

“hey, love your writing sm ❤️ I really like the concept where the reader is a young actress with Eminem, so can I request one where they go to Marshall’s award show for the first time publicly, they try to keep it low key but the reader presents an award and when Em wins they share a warm moment on stage and the media loses it? thanks in advance”

description: in which they say they’re going to be lowkey for their first public appearance as a couple, and then he wins the award she’s presenting

pairing: eminem x female!reader

warnings: swearing

masterlist (one, two)

It was hard to keep my hands off of Marshall as we walked down the red carpet. It was our first public outing as a couple, but Marshall wasn’t very into PDA so we had decided to keep it somewhat lowkey. It seemed like a good idea in theory, until Marshall did the unthinkable and showed up dressed in a suit. How am I supposed to not jump his bones when he looks damn fine in a suit?

Every time I so much as glanced at him the paparazzi would go crazy. So many flashing lights that eventually I was seeing spots. It was hard to keep smiling when I couldn’t even see ahead of me.

Marshall put an arm around my waist - which of course led to more flashing lights - and walked me off the red carpet into the venue. The minute I walked through the doors into the dimly lit room, it really was like I couldn’t see. I had to take a minute to let my eyes adjust to the sudden light change.

“Weird how quickly I go from basically a nobody on a red carpet to a hot commodity just because I have attractive arm candy,” I joked.

A half smile tugged at Marshall’s lips. “You were never a nobody. Not to me anyways.”

“Awe, that’s so sweet it’s kind of gross,” I teased.

This earned me an actual laugh as Marshall pulled me in for a kiss. Without any prying eyes around, we felt free to actually be a couple.

We engaged with some others in the industry, including those Marshall considered to be close friends of his. I felt out of place at this music award show as an actress who was still trying to become more than just a side character in the movies she starred in. I was grateful to have Marshall there to help me through it.

When we took our seats as the show was starting, Marshall reached over to take my hand. “Are you okay?”

I shrugged. “Nervous I think. Which I shouldn’t be because it’s just me announcing an award, but it’s my first time on an award show stage for any reason, and it’s a pretty big award.”

“And it’s one I’m nominated for.”

I looked over at Marshall with wide eyes. “What?!”

“You didn’t know?”

I shook my head. Now I felt so much more nervous. What if I pulled a Steve Harvey and said the wrong name because I wanted Marshall to win? Or what if he actually did win but everyone thought I said he did because we were dating? I tried to focus on the stage ahead of me but my heart was beating so fast that my vision was starting to get blurry. I felt warm, like I was sweating, which made me worry that my makeup was starting to run. I was going to look disgusting with my makeup running on live television.

Sensing my new found nervousness, Marshall gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Hey, look at me.” I glanced over to meet his gaze. “It’s going to be okay. You’ve rehearsed this speech so much that you can say it without the teleprompter. It’s not going to be any different just because I’m nominated. If I win, you give me the award and I do a speech. If I don’t win, you give the award to whoever does and they make a speech. It’s not a big deal, (Y/N), don’t worry too much about it.”

I wished I could’ve just let my fear rush from my body, but it was still there. Before I could say anything else, the lights went down and the show officially started.

I tried to just sit and enjoy the show but it was hard when I had my upcoming presenter role looming over me. Of course, it was one of the last awards of the show, so I had to sit there and let my nerves build as the suspense for the winner of the award grew as well.

Every now and then Marshall would give my hand another squeeze and I would calm down for that split second. Having him by my side helped a lot, but every time I remembered that he might be the recipient of the award I became nervous again.

Finally, it was my time to take the stage. They passed me the envelope with the name of the winner and motioned for me to take the stage. I plastered a smile on my face as my name was called and I walked onto the stage. I hoped the cameras couldn’t pick up my shaking, and I really hoped my shaking wouldn’t make my voice sound as bad as I feared it would.

“This award can only go to the best of the best,” I started, glancing at the prompter in front of me to make sure I was saying the words correctly. “The person who worked the hardest and had the best payoff with their release. The competition this year is fierce, and it was hard to narrow it down to just these five artists, as there have been so many amazing works of art released this past year. It has been an even harder choice to pick who of them all is the best, although I might be bias in saying I’ve already chosen my favorite.”

The audience chuckled at my improved addition to the speech.

“Ladies and gentlemen, here are your nominees.”

I watched the video that played of the nominated artists. My heart skipped a beat when Marshall came up, a few clips from the music videos he had filmed playing in a short montage. He had worked so hard on his latest album, every part of me hoped that he would be the winner I was announcing.

As the video came to an end, I turned back to face the audience (and the cameras) to announce the winner.

“And the award goes to...”

I tried not to let my slight fear show as I fumbled with the envelope for a moment. I started to worry that I wouldn’t even be able to open it and completely embarrass myself on live TV. I tried not to sigh with relief when the seal perfectly popped open and I was able to pull the card out. The smile on my face had to have given away the winner before the words were even out of my mouth.

“Eminem!”

The crowd cheered and stood from their seats. A camera found Marshall, who was standing from his seat and hugging Paul and Denaun before making his way to the stage. I couldn’t help but smile proudly at him as I extended the award I was holding - his award - to him.

I was taken by surprise when he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me in for a kiss. It was brief since he had an award to accept, but it was enough to make my head spin, the way his kisses usually did.

When he pulled away I was still so stunned that I almost forgot to give him his award. I could see him trying to hold back a laugh as he took it from my hands and turned to the microphone.

“Thank you,” he said to the still cheering audience. For a minute I forgot there was anyone else in the room, and realizing so many people had watched that kiss made my cheeks heat up. “I’d like to thank my manager, Paul, who for some reason still backs me with everything I do and produce even when it pushes the boundaries a little too much. I also want to thank the good Doctor, who has been supporting me since day one and who has always believed in me and gave me this platform to make music and to push the boundaries that Paul has to deal with. My daughters, my biggest inspirations. And of course, I’d like to thank the beautiful lady who presented this award to me tonight. I may not show it publicly but I am my happiest when I’m with you and I cannot thank you enough for that.”

I blinked away the tears forming in my eyes as I clapped along with the audience. The music started playing as Marshall offered me his arm to walk me off the stage. I felt like I was floating on cloud nine as we walked down the stairs and backstage, away from the cameras and the thousands of people watching us, both in person and on TV.

We were greeted backstage by other presenters and winners who were still mingling and celebrating their wins. Marshall was congratulated and a few of the other presenters told me how well I did with my presentation. I was proud of myself for getting through it, but I was more proud that I didn’t go completely airheaded after Marshall kissed me.

When we finally got away from the large amount of people, Marshall pulled me in for another kiss.

“So much for keeping it lowkey, huh?” I teased when I pulled away.

“I was caught up in the moment,” he said with a shrug, but I wasn’t completely convinced.

“That speech was uncharacteristically sweet,” I said. “For your public persona anyways. I figured you’d keep it short and sweet and maybe get the show into a little bit of trouble with an unplanned curse word.”

He chuckled. “Well normally that would be how things go. But I meant what I said during my speech: you make me the happiest I’ve ever been. When you said my name I just couldn’t help but feel this unfamiliar surge of happiness and excitement at winning. You know I don’t care about these types of award shows, but the fact that you presented this award to me made me care for just a second. I know I’ll be the talking point for the next few days because of this, but right now I don’t care all that much.”

Tears were welling in my eyes again as I pulled him back to me. “Shut up, you’re gonna ruin my makeup.”

His laugh filled my ears as he pulled me for another kiss. The happiness he said he felt coursed through my veins too. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else in a moment like this.

When he pulled away he put his arm around me again and started to walk towards the door. “Let’s get out of here. I think I wanna celebrate my win with the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met.”

I smiled brightly at him. “I like the sound of that.”