#i’d give it a 8/10 he’s an actual vampire

[jokerislandgirl32]

Yessss, absolutely yessss. Vampire Zach is my sustenance like nothing else…I’m serious, I LOVE Vampire Zach. The wip looks outstanding so far, I cannot wait to see the final product!!!!

Wip!!!

Vamp Zach cuz yes

[thepunkranger]

Resident Evil Characters - A Summary

Note: This is entirely my own opinion and said with a heavy dose of humor

Please enjoy

Chris Redfield

OG

Started as a twunk

Became an angry gorilla man???

Alpha Male™️

Punches boulders

Wants you to marry his sister

Smoker

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife

Rude to wait staff

2/10 - Just a guy. Hit him with your car

-

Jill Valentine

Other OG

Arguably better main of RE1

Master of Unlocking

Bisexual Bob™️

Butch

Supercop

Once got mind-controlled into going blonde

Rocket Launcher babe

PTSD

Big Strap Energy

Giant anime gun

10/10

-

Albert Wesker

OG Baddy

Sunglasses

Thinks he’s cool

A little too into Chris

“What are we going to do this game, Albert?”

“What we do every game, Alex: try to take over the world”

Matrix jacket

Maybe a vampire?

Looks like my uncle (derogatory)

4/10

-

Barry Burton

Bear

A+ line delivery

Just happy to be a part of things

Wishes his daughter would talk to him

Comes through in a pinch

Got lost on his way to The Last of Us

Father figure

Not dead out of sheer dumb luck

8/10

-

Rebecca Chambers

Baby butch

Sees the best in everyone

Autism be damned, my girl can work a shotgun

Sporty

Mommy Domme/Babygirl switch vibes

Sweet coffee addict

Doing fine, thanks for asking

Awkward thumbs up

9/10

-

Billy Coen

Bad Boy™️

Never bothered to take off his handcuffs

Tattoos

Mullet???

Moral standards

Strong silent type

Whole situation could’ve been avoided by just talking about his issues but no

Queen fan

7/10

-

Leon S. Kennedy

If a golden retriever became a human and then got kicked every day of its life

Having a really bad first day

Into dominant women

Dumb 90s haircut

Uses comedy as a coping mechanism

Hair grows in direct correlation to his level of angst

“Hey demons, it’s me, ya boi”

Sexy

Dog lover

Certified Good Boy™️

Fucked up a perfectly good rookie is what you did. Look at it, it’s got depression

15/10

-

Claire Redfield

College student stuck in the zombie apocalypse

Soft butch

Humanitarian

Forced her brother to teach her how to knife fight

Really into motorcycles

Leather jacket

Rocket Launcher babe #2

Always has at least one adopted child with her

10/10 would ask to babysit

-

Ada Wong

Mommy. Sorry. Mommy- sorry. Mommy-

Grappling hook

Badass spy

Emotionally distant

Soft spot for cute cuddly things (Leon)

Femme fatale

Book lover

Chaotic neutral

Crossbow 😍

Could step on me and I’d say thank you

Rocket launcher babe #3

10/10

-

Sherry Birkin

Goosebumps protagonist

Worst parents ever tbh

Surprisingly good under pressure

Please someone get this girl some therapy

Supergirl

Smartest person here

One hell of a shot

The trauma is immeasurable

Somehow still doing fine

Loves her weird adopted family

8/10

-

Carlos Oliviera

Himbo

First POC main?

Went from three polygons and a white boy haircut in the original to actual gorgeous South American hunk in the remake

Lost his accent along the way for some reason

#1 Jill simp

If Dug from Up was a guy

Only trustworthy person in the whole series

Just wants to help

Gorgeous gorgeous hair

Loves strong women

Hakuna matata

Touch-starved

10/10 would peg

-

Steve Burnside

Twink

Who is this sassy lost child?

Hot Topic employee

Into Claire (she’s too old for you bud)

Choker

Thinks he’s edgy

Whiny

Daddy issues

1/10

-

Luis Serra Navaro

If Puss in Boots was a human

The Most Extra™️

Luscious flowing locks

Definitely into bondage

Used to work for Umbrella

Trying to make up for it

Don Quixote references

Bisexual

Good with his hands

Praying for a threesome with Leon and Ada

10/10

-

Ashley Graham

Basic white girl

Always getting kidnapped

Master of Unlocking #2

Razor flip phone

Ada Wong bisexual awakening (same)

Good with a wrecking ball

Makes Leon catch her every time she has to jump a ledge (also same)

Would like to go to Hot Topic, please

7/10

-

Sheva Alomar

Player 2

Second POC main

Bad AI

Too good for her game

Willing to go on a suicide mission with a guy she just met

Left handed

Deserves a better stylist

Only good part of RE5

Literally my girl got done so dirty just give her another chance please

10/5

-

Moira Burton

“It’s not a phase, dad!”

Probably gay

Weak arms

Skillz

Box dyed her hair at least once

Simple Plan playing in the background

Childhood trauma

7/10

-

Piers Nivans

Trying his best

Appreciates a good steak

Sick of Chris’ bullshit

Good with a rifle

Just a good man

German Shepherd boy

Self-sacrificing

8/10

-

Jake Muller

Wesker’s son

Daddy issues

Who invited Ronan Lynch here?

Quips for days

Bad boy

Loves the type of woman who can kick his ass

The Most Edgy™️

9/10

-

Ethan Winters

Husband of the year

Trusting

Surprisingly chill

The most basic white man in all of RE

Hands? What hands?

Functionally a lizard

Would still love you if you were a worm

Just casually knows how to craft bullets

Moldy

8/10

-

Mia Winters

Toxic girlfriend energy

Literally possessed

Dark sense of humor

Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss

Casually working for a bioterrorism organization

Does actually care about her family

Definitely doesn’t have a penicillin allergy

If you can’t be the girl of his dreams, you can at least be the feral swamp witch of his nightmares

2/10

-

Zoe Baker

Lesbian

Mold intolerance

Southern accent thicker than grandma’s gravy

Picked last on the playground

Somehow okay despite her brother being Like That

Joe’s favorite

Science skills

8/10

-

Lucas Baker

Jigsaw

Didn’t even need the mold

Probably got at least one true crime documentary made about him

Working for Mia’s bioterrorism organization

Left his classmate rotting in the attic

Just the worst

0/10

-

Alcina Dimetrescu

Mommy

Please step on me

Elizabeth Bathory vibes

Just fucking huge

Can turn into a dragon

Lesbian

9/10

-

Karl Heisenberg

Grimy

Tumblr Sexyman

When robotics majors get weird

Fights with his siblings

Doesn’t actually care at all about Miranda

In cahoots with the lycans

7/10

-

Rosemary Winters

Mommy and Daddy issues

YA protagonist

Badass

Childhood trauma

Into the Mold-verse

Alternate universe Sherry Birkin

8/10

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Tuesday, November 19

Anya: In case we need 'em, I'm getting more of all the things you stole. Willow: I didn't - why do you do that? Anya: What? Willow: You're so rude! I mean, sure, at first, ex-demon, doesn't know the rules. Well, you been here forever. Learn the rules. Anya: Rules are stupid. Willow: Great, whatever. I just thought you might be interested in learning to act more human. Some of us enjoy it. Oh, look for, uh, spells with dimensional portals too. Anya: I *am* a human. And there are ... many humans who are stranger than me.

~~Buffy Season 5 Episode #89: "Triangle"~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Bops to Disavow Knowing (Xander Harris, Spike , G) by Programmable_Boy

Prince of Hearts (OC, Ensemble, T) by OverlordMika

this time you won't leave me sinking (Buffy/Faith, T) by faithandbuffy

They’d given her back, but not to keep. (Dawn, Buffy, unrated) by tenderjock

[Chaptered Fiction]

First War part 3: Rumors in Rhine Ch. 1-3/37 (Willow/Tara, T) by Nonkosherian

Eulogies Ch. 1-4/4 (COMPLETE) (Buffy/Oz, Ensemble, T) by afteriwake

The Tale of Shahrazad and Delhemma Ch. 1-10/10 (COMPLETE) (OC Slayer, OC Watcher, T) by LudditeRobot

hit rewind Ch. 84 (Buffy/Spike, M) by untiljanuary

Queen of Hearts Ch. 1/7 (Cordelia/Willow, unrated) by Murderpart1

The Buffy Chronicles: Life After Sunnydale Ch. 2 (Buffy/Spike, E) by sweetmelodykiss

Painting Flowers Ch. 8 (Buffy/Angel, T) by crowncitydreams

Free Fall Ch. 1-4/4 (COMPLETE) (Buffy/Willow, unrated) by Nymue

It's always blood, isn't it? Ch. 2/8 (Buffy/Spike, M) by turzelque

Opposite Attraction Ch. 2/6 (Angel/Spike, T) by MamaBewear

Sending My Love from The Other Side of the Apocalypse Ch. 3 (Buffy/Spike, E) by cawthraven

In The Shadows of Love and Hate Ch. 11 (Xander/Cordelia, M) by schumacherjennifer39

True Love Won't Desert You, Chapter 5 (Buffy/Spike, E) by CheekyKitten

The Bad Penny, Chapter 3 (Buffy/Spike, E) by OffYourBird

Lucidity, Chapter 3 (Buffy/Spike, E) by Soulburnt

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork:Buffy & Angel by casenpoint

Artwork: by sayanrougshaban

Artwork:Angel and Connor by xaeyrnofnbe

Artwork:Buffy & Spike by sayanrougshaban

Artwork:Buffy by amandayetagain

Artwork:Buffy & Spike by izachin

Artwork:Buffy & Spike by izachin

Icons: BtVS Icons by editshit

Icons:Cordelia Icons by the-maidofmischief

Playlist: i made a playlist for drusilla by drusill

Manip:Episodic art for BtVS 3x08 “Lover’s Walk” by revello-drive-1630

[Reviews & Recaps]

PODCAST: Episode 50 - Hotel and the Goose Man (Dopplegangland) by The Sunnydale Diaries

PODCAST: BTVS 606 - All The Way by Another Buffy Podcast

PODCAST: Get It Done S7 E15 (Buffy and the Art of Story Podcast) by Buffy and the Art of Story

[Community Announcements]

Tuesday Prompts - What's in a Name? by comment_fic

Headline Awards Is Back For 2025! by headlineawards

[Fandom Discussions]

Lmao just finished rewatching “The Girl in Question”(5x20) by thequeenofsastiel

It was cute to see how Angel reacted to human food that one time he turned human, but can you IMAGINE how Spike would have reacted? by thequeenofsastiel

Just saw someone on reddit point out that the sex Willow and Tara had in OMWF was actually rape by thequeenofsastiel

by thequeenofsastiel

THINGS I ACCIDENTALLY PREDICTED WHILE WATCHING BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER FOR THE FIRST TIME WITH MY MOM by xaeyrnofnbe

OBSESSED with the looks william gives angelus by xaeyrnofnbe

I’d seen interviews w Spike (btvs)’s actor about the SA scene by hermitsdump

buffy the vampire slayer’s commitment to acab is kind of beautiful actually. by comradesummers

Ik u don’t ship spuffy, but if u did what would their memorable moment be? by drusill

did you guys know that erm. drusilla’s character represents a threat not only because she’s a vampire by lesbianboyfriend

I’m on 2x03 School Hard! Spike time!!! by claudiashealthyappatite

the further into buffy season 4 i get the more contempt i have for riley. by electricabsolution

FOR FUCK’S SAKE, XANDER! Is this really the time? by thornfield13713

God, but the way Innocence ends. by thornfield13713

i have only watched one (1) faith episode and i am already ready to die for her by smallblueandloud

maybe it’s just me, but- if you find out your seventeen-year-old has slept with an older man who is clearly not the most stable person in the world by thornfield13713, sayyoume

at the time I was just so bowled over by the shock of Miss Calendar’s death to really think about it by thornfield13713, dangerfieldfive

‘Intent has to be pure with love spells’ - how pure can your intentions possibly be for something like that? by thornfield13713

…getting really done with the endemic slut-shaming in this show by thornfield13713

it’s an odd experience to get into Buffy after being in the trenches of the Supernatural fandom by aphony-cree

I think about spikes refusal for Buffy’s admission so much by baby-on-the-net

End of days Faith by desicat-writer

i know that cordelia is meant to be a foil and a mirror image to buffy by youn8ss-2

I think it could have been interesting if the initiative storyline was the council rather than the US government. by finalgirl1984

Make Vampires Make Sense by Swanky4Life

What do you think about Buffy's Mom? by mmorrison92

Are You Now or Have You Ever Been/Why We Fight by Apprehensive-Ice9481

Thoughts on Buffy's final showdown with The Master? by JB92103

Why did Spike not want to tell Buffy about his soul? by authenticriver

Discussion (Spoilers) by Late-Detail97

reminder that it’s not too early to watch the greatest christmas episode ever created by PinkPashaTS

Just started watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer had no idea Cordelia was so mean by WeeBPro_manga

Spike and Angel’s dynamic by authenticriver

The last slayer? by ScarletWidow901

Willow's Motives in All The Way by Own_Faithlessness769

Why did Allan Finch seek out the Slayers in "Bad Girls"? (3x14) by streetsahead78

I had already read this comic, but I was so moved to get it with this cover. by ManoArtesana

Magical Misdeeds by Moon_Logic

Spike the demon vampire vs Spike by beans_the_fruit182

Is Dracula the same as demon vamps by rawlerson

What's your favorite line spoken by someone who is not a main cast member? by InfiniteMehdiLove

Innocent victim of the day by timmorris82

Xander Harris Once Rudely Said by Past-Throat-6788

Empty places by dg209904

In the spirit of the "Innocent Victim" posts, anyone else here have one from the show that makes them extra sad? by Usernamelesses

Currently on season 5 by Inetygaxo

can i watch Angel the Series without having watched buffy? by cyv2

1/6 accidental kit bash Buffy figure! by Bakkhios

It's weird to think that this dork was a 5th generation descendant of The Master, and probably would have been a powerful vampire if he'd lived for more than two seconds. by Jovian8

Evil is Brutal... Brutally Honest at least by sirtch_analyst

My biggest gripe on the final season… by Alternative-Sale3405

What do you think of Cordelia's arc in Season Three of Angel? by jogaforacont

The Real Scooby Gang... by Remarkable-Mess453

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[sanguinifex]

Y’know the “classic children’s literature” canon is largely pretty fucked up.

C.S. Lewis was racist and homophobic and sexist, not to mention Extremely Christian and trying to convert you (seriously, there are exactly 2 books where the bad guys aren’t women or Muslims by another name, and one of those 2 doesn’t even have an antagonist once Eustace gets un-dragoned)

Roald Dahl was notoriously antisemitic and just kind of misogynistic in general. Keeps trying to sell the idea that ugly people are inherently evil and pretty people are inherently good. Also like the Oompa Loompas are a) canonically black in the books and b) slave labor, and this is promoted as positive? Charlie’s dad would’ve had a job if Wonka hadn’t been literally stealing people to avoid paying workers. Also, like, the nerve of leaving a chocolate factory to a random kid who knows nothing about chocolate except it tastes good, when probably at least a dozen of the Oompa Loompas are qualified to run the place. Like, Dahl is great at giving people nightmares, but the inherent assumptions begin the worlds he builds are not something I want to give to a 10-year-old and tell them it’s Great Literature and something to emulate, the way I was. (Also, I was actually 8, come to think of it.)

JKR. Well. Besides the TERFery and racism/antisemitism. There’s just a complete disregard for bodily autonomy that’s so present in her work that it becomes obvious it’s part of how she views the world? Like, it’s supposed to be a funny joke to slip someone a potion that turns them into a canary. Admittedly the delivery of that line was 109% but like. What if he’d got stuck like that? You can’t just transmogrify people like that without asking them. You also shouldn’t do the “muggle” equivalent like putting Nair in someone’s shampoo. That’s assault, Joanie. I think this also feeds into her transphobia, because she just doesn’t seem to have anything that would hold her back from swapping someone’s gender for giggles if she were able to. It’s not just the HP series, either, it’s her works aimed at adults as well. Like, she’d be the type to barge into the bathroom while you’re peeing and then get offended when you’re upset by this because “We’re all girls here.” But oh it’s a modern classic and you have to read it to understand nerd culture…well, you could make that argument 10 years ago but it’s a bit less solid in 2023. I wouldn’t ban a kid from reading it, but I wouldn’t give them a box set. If they brought it home from the library I’d give a quick talk that I’m not mad at them for reading it but they should be aware that the author is a jerk.

Stephanie Meyer: Completely inescapable if you were a tween girl anywhere between 2005 and 2010. You had to plough through 4 doorstoppers of toxic Mormon heterosexuality just to understand what anyone was talking about. Like, I think it should be shelved with a pamphlet about healthy vs unhealthy relationships in it. Also, like, Meyer profited off the names of Native people and didn’t give them a cent. Also Bella you need a vampire like a fish needs a bicycle, just take some vitamin D supplements and you’ll get over him

Again, I’m not saying “don’t read these books.” Many of them are well-written and have historic and sociological and literary value. This post is about how we tell children that these demonstrably bigoted authors, whose bigotry shines through in their writing because they’re too unaware of it to file it down, that these are Great Writers and suitable to emulate. It’s not just that bigotry could be absored by young readers, it’s also that ir build a false foundation that will crumble under literary analysis, creating a life of doubting one’s own word choices, among other problems!

[thelightofthebane]

through the good and bad and all in between

Summary: Magnus was born a warlock. Magnus became a mundane for love and by self-sacrificing tendencies. Magnus turned into a vampire after an act of spite and revenge.

A story about survival, new identities, love through adversities, and accepting changes.

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s03e17 Heavenly Fire, Vampire Magnus Bane, Turned without consent, Major Character Undeath, Immortal to Mortal to Immortal, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Boyfriend Alec Lightwood, Soft Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Cat & Alec friendship, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending

Rating: E

Chapters: 10

Words: Around 23k~

This fic was created for the Shadowhunters Mini Bang 2023: Presented by the @malecdiscordserver

You can read it on AO3 or the eighth chapter below ~

Chapter 8 - You taught me to live each day like it's my last

“Are you really a vampire now?”

“I am.”

“And you only drink blood now?”

“I do.”

“And no magic? No more extra chocolate sprinkles?”

“No magic. But I can still give you extra chocolate sprinkles. In secret, or else Uncle Alec will punish us with a lot of tickles.”

Madzie giggled.

Children were so simple. In the best of ways. Although it hurt admitting some harsh truths out loud - like not being able to use magic anymore -, it was nice doing it only to fulfill an honest curiosity, full of wonder and awe.

Magnus wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t nervous at finally meeting Madzie again, but he missed his goddaughter too much to keep pushing back a visit. Since the successful mission against Camille three weeks before, Magnus was making more visits to the New York Institute - and New York overall. He was slowly trying to get used to the city again with his new senses and also going to the Hotel DuMort to talk to the clan.

If he was also using the opportunity to keep an eye on his very, very stubborn fiancé who was still healing from the mission, well, nobody but him needed to know that.

“Are you okay with this new me, Sweet Pea?”

“I am.”

See? Simple.

“I like your fangs. They are cool. Much cooler than Uncle Simon’s.” Then, as if telling him a secret, she lowered her voice and came closer to him. “But don’t tell him that. Or he will have puppy ears.”

“Puppy ears?”

“It’s puppy eyes, kiddo.” Cat corrected her after snickering.

Madzie shrugged, then went back to play with her dolls in what seemed to be an imaginary tea party.

Magnus, who was drinking a special blend of blood tea, turned to Cat then.

“I know that I shouldn’t be surprised, but she took this change better than I anticipated.”

Catarina took a sip of her own actual tea, not bothering to hide a grin afterward.

"Your little brood of Shadowhunters plus Simon took it upon themselves to play with Madzie and distract her while her Uncle Magnus was away. But she spent more time with Simon. Alec’s idea. This way she could get more used to vampires and not feel uncomfortable when visiting your future clan."

Alexander…

“Anyway, vampire or not, that boy was a perfect babysitter. He talked so much, that even Madzie got tired. She never napped so quickly in all the time she has been with me.”

Usually, Magnus would make a teasing comment about that, but his mind was still processing what Cat told him about Alec’s idea.

"Cat, how the hell did someone like him choose me? If we weren’t already engaged, I’d barge into the Institute right now and ask him to marry me."

"Magnus Bane finally settling, huh? In all the centuries that I know you, you never mentioned wedding bells, not even with the demon."

Magnus chuckles. Everyone around him stopped saying her name - not out of fear, but because they believed it could erase her from their memories sooner than later.

"Alec makes me dream about things that I've given up a long time ago, Cat."

Marriage. Family. Children.

"I want everything with him."

“I’d say you’re already halfway there.” His friend wiggled her eyebrows, jutting her chin towards the ring he was wearing.

His real engagement ring. A couple of days after Alec was discharged from the infirmary, he received a message from the warlock jeweler to let him know that the enchanted pair of rings were finished. Even without his powers, Magnus could feel the magic pouring from them - it was very powerful.

He knew Alec had ordered them specifically for Magnus, to keep him safe, but Magnus was glad and relieved to know it went both ways - Alec would also have an extra layer of protection and he would know if the Shadowhunter was in true danger.

“Have you chosen a place to hold the wedding?”

“Not yet. Alexander and I are still discussing all the details. He said he wanted to get involved in the planning this time.” Magnus smiled, then chuckled. “But I called dibs on the decor. I love Alec, but his concept of color is black and different shades of gray.”

The warlock frowned. “I thought you would go with the traditional gold of a Nephilim wedding.”

“No. In another time, we would’ve gone with a mix of Nephilim gold and Warlock blue, but now…” Magnus sighed before putting his teacup away.

Suddenly, Madzie piped in.

“Are you and Uncle Alec marrying like those princes and princesses of fairy tales? Uncle Alec looks like a prince.”

Magnus laughed. “And you’re absolutely right, my love.” He picked her up, and she immediately snuggled with him.

“Auntie Izzy told me I could be a flower girl. Does this mean I’ll wear a dress full of flowers?”

“If you want to wear one, we can arrange that. But being a flower girl means you’ll create a path full of flowers for me and Alec. This way, our marriage will start more colorful, fragrant, and beautiful.”

“I like that.” Magnus could hear the smile on Madzie’s voice, and his heart couldn’t help but melt at that.

“Me too, Sweet Pea. Me too.”

~*~

“Alex reminds me of you,” Magnus commented, earning a deadpan look from Alec.

They were sprawled on the couch, Magnus bracketed by Alec’s legs, his head resting on the Shadowhunter’s chest - the sound of Alec’s beating heart still being Magnus’ biggest source of comfort.

Lately, this was how their date nights went by. A movie or a show, a nice meal, cuddling - or a delicious session of make out - until they fell asleep. It was a good way to keep the nightmares at bay, and gradually Magnus has been feeling more relaxed and settled again.

Unfortunately, they couldn’t share popcorn anymore - Magnus had his own snack soaked in blood.

“Because we both are called Alexander?” Alec drawled.

“That too, but you two are very good with politics, always trying to help others, born leaders, adorably oblivious when it comes to crushes, and have a dangerous public sex kink.”

“I don’t have a public sex kink!”

“Darling, Underhill has to deactivate the training room’s cameras every time we’re there.”

Alec grumbled under his breath, and Magnus snickered.

“Well, I’m sorry if it’s too hard to keep my hands off you, Your Royal Highness.”

This time, Magnus gasped.

Then, they both broke into a fit of giggles.

Alec let go of his popcorn in favor to hold Magnus closer and took the opportunity to nuzzle against the side of the vampire’s head. Magnus closed his eyes for a moment, sinking into that warm feeling so uniquely Alec, and only after a couple of minutes he went back to pay attention to the movie.

It was only when they were in the middle of the second movie, some underrated rom-com, that Magnus noticed how Alec was distracted.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Lydia.”

“Ah, I see. You’re thinking about your ex-fiancée while I’m right here with you.” Magnus teased.

Alec rolled his eyes. “It’s not that. It’s just…” He waved a bit upset to the TV. “I can understand that guy being afraid of coming out, but does he need to treat the guy he loves like that? Like a dirty secret?”

“Sometimes you don’t have a choice if you want to be with the one you love the most,” Magnus whispers, and there is an underlining of a past experience there.

Alec sighed. “As much as I hate how I treated you in the past when we first met, I think it was better than treating you as someone who should be hidden. No one should, but especially not you, Magnus. You are too big to conceal. If someone did that, they were a major asshole and didn’t deserve you. People should be proud to show you off, not hide you.”

Magnus looked surprised at Alec who was still fuming and cursing the main character of the movie.

“Even when I lost everything and was a mere mundane, you never minded, did you?”

“Of course not. I love you. All of you. And I accept any version you choose to be.”

“And if I became like one of those villains from superhero movies?”

Alec shrugged. “Some villains are hot.”

Magnus fully grinned by then.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Maybe I am. But that’s okay. I got you.”

I will always get you.

They stayed in silence for some more time, until Magnus broke it.

“Alexander?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m ready to move back to New York.”

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 02/09/2023 (Miley Cyrus, Burna Boy's I Told Them..., Selena Gomez)

Content warning: References to alcoholism, penises, Eddie Murphy and the French

Last week’s #1, “Dance the Night” by Dua Lipa is at #15 this week. I guess transparent cassettes aren’t a two-week deal. They’re still on sale, grab ‘em while you can. Oh, and we actually have new songs to review this time around. “vampire” by Olivia Rodrigo is #1, becoming her third chart-topper, and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start the episode with our notable dropouts, which are songs exiting the UK Top 75 - that’s what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. Given that this was the week after a pretty stale one, we have a lot to shovel out, like “Super Shy” by NewJeans, “Chemical” by Post Malone, “Baby Don’t You Hurt Me” by David Guetta, Anne-Marie and Coi Leray, “Boy’s a liar” by PinkPantheress, “Die for You” by The Weeknd, “Escapism.” by RAYE featuring 070 Shake, “I’m Good (Blue)” by David Guetta and Bebe Rexha, “I Ain’t Worried” by OneRepublic and “Bad Habits” by Ed Sheeran. Good, bad, whatever, these songs have been here for a while and hopefully this is the final time we bid farewell to them.

As for what filled up the gaps… man, there’s not much to speak of outside of our new arrivals, as there really aren’t many substantial gains or returns. We welcome back “Another Love” by Tom Odell at #73 and “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac at #67, and see “Talibans” by Byron Messia jump a small hurdle up to #43 thanks to the release of Burna Boy’s album, given he’s on the remix and there’ll be more on him later. Our other two gains are in the top 10, as two songs enter the region for the first time: “Baddadan” by Chase & Status and Bou featuring IRAH, Flowdan, Trigga and Takura at #9, becoming the first top 10 for every act credited except Chase & Status, who now have two top 10 hits at this very moment, and “Prada” by casso, RAYE and D-Block Europe at #8, becoming casso’s first ever top 10 hit and long-surpassing the original track “Ferrari Horses” and its peak of #14.

This week’s top five on the UK Singles Chart shouldn’t be much of a surprise, as we have “(It Goes Like) Nanana” by Peggy Gou at #5, “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift at #4, “What Was I Made For?” by Billie Eilish at #3, “Paint the Town Red” by Doja Cat at #2 and of course, “vampire” at the very top. Now to take a lightning-round scour for the gold in this week’s stash of new entries, a healthy selection compared to last week. Wait, we’re starting with what now?

NEW ARRIVALS

#65 - “Party All the Time” - Hannah Laing and HVRR

Produced by Hannah Laing and James Hurr

I genuinely have been waiting - partly in dread, partly in excitement - for the day that I was able to start off a review like this, and it brings me… some joy to say: Eddie Murphy is a man of many talents. An incredibly funny and successful comedian and actor, Murphy has been in blockbusters since the 1980s - also in the 1980s, he released his attempt at a pop single, “Party All the Time”. The one thing the man isn’t particularly known for is his singing talent, and the song is well-renowned as one of the worst one-hit wonders of the 1980s. Written and produced with the legendary Rick James, it’s a crappy synth-funk song about how his girl wants to party all the time. I love it. I adore every second of this terrible, terrible song, and despite its reputation… the song only peaked at #87 in the UK. It nearly topped the Billboard Hot 100 but over here fell kind of flat. Quavo sampled it last year with the late Takeoff and DJ Khaled so I had an inkling in my mind that the inevitable sample-flip was going to come and give this one a resurgence… or really, its second, because a semi-ironic house remix of this song already happened with Iranian DJ Sharam in 2006. The original mix of the song runs for 10 minutes and it takes itself slightly more seriously than you’d expect, and I’d argue it’s actually a pretty fantastic song that spends a great amount of its runtime squirming up to the top with filters and wiry synths, teasing you with the dangling keys of the vaguely-recognisable sample. When you can finally hear that hook three minutes in, and we get the build-up making it clearer and clearer, it feels like we’ve found hidden treasure in the rave club, and yes, it goes incredibly hard, and honestly for 2006, is very synthwave-esque, maybe even ahead of its time. It’s way better than it has any right to be and is probably up there with some of the best EDM that has ever charted as high as it did. It peaked at #8 late that year and sadly since 2007, our charts have been largely free of Eddie Murphy’s girl wanting to party all the time. The drought has ended. Hannah Laing and James Hurr, who co-produced Laing’s hit “Good Love” earlier this year, have swooped in heroically with what you’ve all been waiting for: a nightcore version of “Party All the Time”. I’m not joking, that is essentially what this is. Eddie Murphy’s voice is rendered to that of Alvin et al., and the monotonous disco throwback has turned into a plummeting hardcore bass, though much like Sharam, Laing and Hurr throw a lot of ethereal filters in to keep it cloudy and mysterious. The original song has always had an unintentional creepy aura so to see it replicated in its… seemingly every-20-years house remix is not that much of a surprise, and I mean, it works. Much like “Good Love”, the second build-up and drop feels like a bit of a copy-paste job, but the second has the hook more lost in the filters and honestly feels like it’s going somewhere really unique, yet sadly the song caps out pretty soon afterwards at only two minutes. I understand not every song needs to have the 10 minutes that Sharam did for his remix, but extending this would have done wonders, even if it’s just an ambient outro. As it is, this does feel slightly like more of a novelty that may wear off, but if the UK wishes to do yet another round of Eddie Murphy’s girl wanting to party all the time, party all the time, party all the ti-ime, I’m sure there are worse options than this one.

#61 - “DNA (Loving You)” - Billy Gillies featuring Hannah Boleyn

Produced by Billy Gillies

Alright, I’ll bite: who are any of these people? The lad with the rhyming name is a DJ hailing from Northern Ireland, whilst Hannah Boleyn is a singer who seems to specialise in more underground EDM cuts. This is both acts’ first time on the chart and yeah, this is pretty great. In fact, giving the shakier, reverb-drenched vocals from Boleyn and the eerie, minimal vibe led by a pluckly synth lead completely out of wack with the atmosphere surrounding it… this kind of sounds like Belters Only if done well and with more attention paid to 90s hardcore, given the boink of the bass synth and the lovely attention-to-detail sound effects that make the song feel just as syrupy as Belters Only’s productions, as well as just as misty, but with an actually compelling vocalist and more pointed-feeling percussion, so it doesn’t just go with the flow per se. Boleyn sort of does, in a way where her vocals feel somewhat improvised, even though they probably aren’t, as they so naturally flow above the cute, mechanical workings of the house beat behind her. What really convinced me though is when it took us back to the chillout albums from the early 2000s, as that ATB acoustic guitar is given time to shine before it admits itself into the fun of the song, hitting against the rapid flare of synth that eventually dies down, leading to a very interesting outro where a new, pitched-down refrain is introduced out of nowhere. If this ends up on an album, that honestly would be a great lead-in for a song that uses that hook, maybe Gillies is playing 4D chess and that song was already made prior to this one. Either way, it keeps the song fresh in its final few seconds and yeah, colour me impressed by this. This is how you do misty atmospheric dance right in a pop structure and I’d love to hear more from these acts as well as just more songs in this style on the charts.

#56 - “I Remember Everything” - Zach Bryan featuring Kacey Musgraves

Produced by Zach Bryan

Self-titled, self-produced, self-written, Zach Bryan is the mainstream country act that a lot of mainstream country haters would love to see rise, and I think with this newest record, he goes beyond expectations. He may debut at #1 with this song in the US, and the parent album is already #22 in this country. I’ve yet to hear it in full though when I do, I think I might love it, and I think it may give more context to this track which I honestly don’t like that much on its own. The track is about remembering and reminiscing on a relationship that ended too soon, and assumedly quite dramatically, with the conceit of a bar and alcohol emphasising the dichotomy of wanting to forget but needing to remember. Zach Bryan plays a hopeless drunk mess in the song, wherein he doesn’t really put any blame on anyone for how the relationship ended, because that’s not the song’s focus, but if he’s going to, he’s beating himself up about it in that chorus, especially when placed against the sing-songy remnants of memories that Bryan stumbles through in the verse amidst the strings and similarly drunken stumbles of organic percussion. The guitars aren’t as smokey, finding a balance between wistfulness and regret, and Bryan fits perfectly with his ranting melancholy fading into the more elegant strings. The problem I have with this, sadly, is Kacey Musgraves, who just doesn’t sound like she fits here. I’ve tried to grip with the idea that Zach Bryan placed Kacey here as a way of painting the woman in the relationship as above him, especially given that Musgraves’ lyrics are beating Zach up in a similar way to how he writes to himself, potentially just acting as a mouthpiece, but even then it seemed a bit flawed, in fact it revealed a bigger problem: Kacey Musgraves is just kind of a mouthpiece here, and not one that fits aesthetically given her higher, more ethereal tone that clashes with the dingier barstool that the rest of the song is. Sure, she represents blissful memories, but I don’t think her short, honestly quite angry verse does much to explain away her incongruous presence. It’s a shame because, otherwise, this is a great idea for a song and elements of this are fantastic, I just can’t get behind possibly the most important part, which is the duet and the reason behind it. I’m sure there is a lot more quality on that self-titled album though, so whenever I get the chance, I think I will take a listen.

#44 - “Drinkin’” - Joel Corry, MK and Rita Ora

Produced by Joel Corry, MK, Neave Applebaum and Jon Shave

MK is one of the best mainstream house producers of all time, I am seriously doubting his level of involvement in this track if he needs both Joel Corry and two ghost-producers to finish it off. Also, this samples Chance the Rapper because of course it does. In 2016, off of his mixtape Coloring Book, Chance released the hip house song “All Night” with Knox Fortune, which is a very fun little jam that makes through some cringeworthy lyrics partly thanks to that undeniable hook. Joel Corry and MK took that hook and developed a very generic song around it. Sure, the drums are busier than usual, but the way they overlap mechanically - especially in the pre-chorus - sounds broken, for lack of a better term, and that hook, whilst still undeniably good, isn’t really done any justice by the sugary, plastic production or Rita Ora’s non-presence of a voice. I’ll give them this: the cover art is amazing. I love its aesthetic, font choices and colour scheme. Shame that I don’t love anything about the actual song, huh?

#41 - “Meridian” - Dave and Tiakola

Produced by Jo Caleb and Kyle Evans

This week will go down in history as the day Dave betrayed this country by propelling a song partly in French to right near the top 40. Disgraceful. Jokes aside, Tiakola is a French drill rapper who has been charting in his home country since 2021, racking up four top 10s here. Over here, I had to search him up on Wikipedia, but I do that for plenty British acts on this show too. The bilingual duo released two new songs together last week, with this one being the biggest, and I mean… it’s definitely not really what I expected. It’s a pop-rap cut with Dave singing over a shaky Afrobeats-turned-drill rhythm and frolicking acoustic guitars that sound straight out of an RPG. I much prefer Tiakola on this, as this seems like his bread and butter considering his fast-paced auto-crooning that fits like a glove on this kind of production, even if he is speaking the Devil’s language. The rags-to-riches celebration with a lot of more likeable flexing and multicultural appreciation is actually pretty awesome to hear, especially when the two trade melodic flows in the chorus, echoing each other’s lyrics. I wish the bass didn’t sound as looming as it does, and the percussion may not be doing wonders, as it sounds more tense than it really should in my opinion. It’s a celebratory song, despite the mentions to weapons as you’d expect, so going for a more “Sprinter”-type rhythm with the same guitar loops, which do get tiring after four minutes of them mostly not changing, may have been the play to better exemplify the tone of the quite uplifting content. Also removing Dave outside of the chorus may have also been the play, he feels very much out of his element here, not that he’s phoning it in, in fact he’s trying very hard. This just doesn’t feel like a natural fit for him, and he’s playing off of someone with much more character and liveliness than say, Central Cee, so he ends up a fish out of the Channel waters, but otherwise, this is not bad at all and I’d like to hear more from Tiakola. Sadly, I don’t think any of that will end up on the charts but we’ll see.

#31 - “City Boys” - Burna Boy

Produced by MD$ and Ruuben

After three top 20 albums, Burna Boy has finally topped the UK Albums Chart with his latest effort, I Told Them…, which of course I have yet to listen to in full. Part of me doesn’t really want to, considering that whilst I like the two singles he released, the songs do feel a bit Americanised, appealing not to an Afrobeats audience but a global audience which ironically might end up narrowing his horizons more if he’s sticking to the 2000s pop-rap niche. He’s got the Wu-Tang, 21 Savage and J. Cole on the album after all. Speaking of 2000s pop-rap, in this song he says his penis is falling like the London Bridge - you’re not Fergie, man - after girls ruin the vibe by posting on Instagram in his house, despite the fact that the song starts with an Instagram story from J Hus. Boy, I wonder what the difference is there. Mr. Ogulu has two new songs debuting in the top 40, this being the first, and for God’s sake, are we really sampling Jeremih’s “Birthday Sex”? What’s with this week and comical choices of samples from largely forgotten decade-old R&B songs? “Birthday Sex” peaked at #15 here but was much more successful in the US. To be fair to the producers, they didn’t go the cheap route and sample the “girl, you know I-I-I-I…”, instead going for the twinkling synth lead and little clips of Jeremih’s voice collated throughout. It’s honestly a pretty good beat, with a slick Afrobeats groove and drums that are really on the attack all throughout. I don’t know if it fits with the laidback flexing, exactly, and Burna Boy kind of sucks on this in general, being so completely unaware of what beat he’s on that the beat cuts in and out at several points, seemingly just as confused by his flow choices as I am. The content isn’t exactly interesting, which is particularly tedious during that overlong second verse, but it’s still vaguely catchy enough and the beat is solid for this to go a bit over the edge into being decent, but it’s still far from all that good or interesting.

#22 - “Single Soon” - Selena Gomez

Produced by benny blanco and Cashmere Cat

You know I think I mayhaps kind of potentially like Selena Gomez, or at least her newer work - I somewhat enjoyed most of the better parts of Rare, and with these two on production, if it’s not good, at least it’ll be a bit of a mid-to-late 2010s throwback, and I think by the amount of quantifiers I had to add, you can realise my opinion on Selena Gomez is quite inconsistent. As a limited vocalist, she lives and dies on songwriting and production, so when the budget or talent is there, she can actually really shine. For this lead single, you could maybe even call it a comeback single, does it all work out? I mean, kind of, maybe, somewhat, possibly. The industrially-programmed drums are a lot more darker and lo-fi than I expected, driving the murky bass synths as Ms. Gomez ponders on how to break up with this guy, before deciding amidst the cheerier future bass synths that she’ll be single soon and she hasn’t got to worry about this guy’s reaction. She’s just going to stay out late and try on some new clothes and… this feels very childlike in parts. “I’ma date who I wanna, stay out late if I wanna”, the comical “Oh, well” aside and the, ahem, Meghan Trainorisms that are present throughout that chorus’ lack of substantial low-end - especially odd considering the bassy industrial rhythm and mechanical drums - as well as the little chuckle that I’m pretty sure got one take done and copy-pasted for further use. I don’t know, it’s far from bad but it just feels a little cheap and sanitary, which is fine. Facebook needs its music too.

#19 - “Cheat on Me” - Burna Boy featuring Dave

Produced by LiTek and WhYJay

We have once again another Burna Boy and once again another forgotten R&B sample, this time a chipmunk rendition of the non-charting “Cheating on Me”, a 2015 track by UK singer Kwabs. Unfortunately, I have to say this one - despite sharing no producers - suffers from exactly the same problems as “City Boys”. The lush sample is pretty solid, coated in uplifting pianos and the expected Afrobeats rhythm, which is much chiller this time around, without the real sting of the bass like in the last Burna Boy track. Burna Boy… compares himself to Jesus, whilst also reassuring that his posse is not the Taliban in rambling verses that don’t show off any of Burna Boy’s richer vocal inflections. There’s a lot of wailing on this one, which works in the chorus as he harmonises with the Kwabs sample… but that sample has nothing to do with the song! It’s a flex song! The explanation on the Genius page desperately linking the two is just that: desperate, and Dave phones it in here too, crafting as much care to his verse as Burna does songwriting-wise, especially by the end, which just feels like a bunch of empty space was left it unintentionally. I guess it probably counts as an outro with the horns, but the song loses itself in the “vibe” too early on for any of that to really matter. It’s a shame to say it but this actually kind of sucks. Sorry.

#12 - “Used to be Young” - Miley Cyrus

Produced by Michael Pollack and Shawn Everett

And finally, the biggest new hit of the week yet also the biggest non-event. For a song about how age has wisened Miley beyond the years of fun, crazy partying, it feels rather rote and basic, especially in that honestly awful vocal pattern in the verses. Miley sounds like a slightly broken robot with a Nashville rasp in that first verse, with the back-and-forth tone of the melody and its pace not really fitting her voice at all. The piano backing feels as generic as ever, and whilst you can tell Miley wants to infuse a lot more cinematic energy like she really should have the chance to do, the song is such a non-event that it stops her at the gate. That chorus is an aimless wail as a result, and the tinky drums sound like programmed children’s toys when mixed with the soaring screech of the guitar, strings and what a Disney Channel original series might expect kids to think country music sounds like in that second chorus. The writing isn’t awful but it also has no detail or character for a song about her past experiences. Make some references, don’t be afraid to infuse your own personal stories into the song. Maybe the Facebook mothers won’t like it, and maybe that’s her main audience nowadays, but she has a checkered past and it would be very interesting to hear a wiser take on that through music. But alas, we have this milquetoast non-event of a song that I really hope doesn’t stick around. It would be rewarding nothingness.

Conclusion

This was a mixed bag of a week, probably one bordering on bad if I’m honest, but that’s mostly through lack of real highlights, not consistently awful tunes. I’m tempted to give Best of the Week to “Party All the Time” because I mean, my girl wants to party all the time, party all the time, party all the ti-ime, how can you say no to that? Good taste succeeds in the end, with Billy Gillies and Hannah Boleyn winning out for “DNA (Losing You)”. Yeah, I didn’t expect that either though despite my gripes, I fully expected “I Remember Everything” by Zach Bryan featuring Kacey Musgraves to snab the Honourable Mention. As for the worst, it’s going to Miley Cyrus for “Used to be Young” but the Dishonourable Mention, Burna Boy’s “Cheat on Me” featuring Dave also left enough of a bad taste in my mouth to get a mention. As for what’s next on the horizon, I guess we’ll see the impact of Doja Cat and some other releases but I’m too sleep-deprived to fully recognise that it’s even Friday today so thank you for reading and I’ll see you next week! Yawn.

[practically-an-x-man]

Thank you both!!

1: Which is your favourite OC and why?

Agh man, I have to pick just one? Well... I've been partial to Jimmy lately, he's so much fun to write, but Quinn is also a really strong contender!

2: What's your favourite fic (that you wrote)?

Again, I have to choose between them? Hm... I could really pick any of them for different reasons, and my favorites tend to swap around depending on what I'm feeling like, but I'm really happy with Heart in Your Hands and Taking Flight recently.

3: What is your favourite non-fanfic work?

Oooh, let's see.... American Gods by Neil Gaiman, the Warm Bodies series by Isaac Marion, Annihilation by Jeff Vandermeer, the Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix, Misery by Stephen King, the Hitchhiker's Guide series by Douglas Adams... I could keep going. I read a lot.

4: What is your favourite thing to write?

I actually really like angst/whump and horror, you can explore some really interesting concepts there.

5: What is your least favourite thing to write?

Hm.... pure-cut romance, I'd say. It just doesn't flow for me, I need there to be something to balance it out. You'll notice that even my fluff fics usually involve some mention towards angst or hurt/comfort, even if the rest of the fic is soft.

6: What do you want to get better at writing?

Endings, mostly. The pacing always feels off to me. I can fill the content of a fic just fine, but it's hard for me to figure out how to close it out in a good, satisfying way.

7: Give us three things that you are good at writing

Witty banter, action sequences, and fun character dynamics.

8: What is some advice you want to give other (and maybe newer) writers? Something you youself find helpful while writing?

Don't water down your stories based on what you think people will read. Tell the story you want to tell, in its purest form, and readers will find you. And even if you don't generate much of a following, it'll still be an infinitely better and more engaging story than something you wrote just to try and appease the masses

9: Give us the last sentence from your current WIP!

I have several WIPs, so here's from Heartstrings:

"And I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself if I threw away the best thing in my life just because I was too much of a jackass to try and learn a few new things.”

10: Say what you like best about prev's writing style!

Hazel, I love your characters and their interactions! Your fics all feel incredibly comforting, and I love how you weave the universes together through magic and connectedness - it's fascinating to read!

Jacky, I love the emotion in your fics. Whether it's a gentler scene or painful angst, you capture the emotions so well and it makes for a very interesting piece to read!

Tagging: @can-of-pringles @negative-speedforce @vexic929 @angst-is-love-angst-is-life @sashathedoge

Fic writer tag game!

Rules: answer the questions and tag as many people as you want! Let's have some fun! (Feel free to skip questions you can't answer)

1: Which is your favourite OC and why?

2: What's your favourite fic (that you wrote)?

3: What is your favourite non-fanfic work?

4: What is your favourite thing to write?

5: What is your least favourite thing to write?

6: What do you want to get better at writing?

7: Give us three things that you are good at writing.

8: What is some advice you want to give other (and maybe newer) writers? Something you youself find helpful while writing?

9: Give us the last sentence from your current WIP!

10: Say what you like best about prev's writing style!

Tags: @witchy-self-shipper @practically-an-x-man @mythicaldreamer @thebiggestnaturaldisaster @starbirdaltair and anyone else who wants to join!

[thegeminisage]

one of many reasons castiel spent the first year of knowing dean trying not to strangle him: dean's weird little winchester-only dialect

i’m fucking obsessed with this right now, so buckle in for a meta. a cool fun (horrible) thing about dean's dialogue is that a good 90% of what comes out of his mouth is:

a pop culture reference ("you're just gonna take some divine bong hit, and shazam, you're roma downey?")

references to real life phenomenon ("i don't wanna wake up missing a kidney in a bathtub full of ice" "try new mexico, i hear he’s on a tortilla")

these also often take the form of nicknames, and dean has a tendency to give people nicknames in general or call them something besides their given name, whether it’s affectionate or rude ("easy there, van damme" "so i’m girl interrupted" furthermore castiel = cas, ezekiel = zeke, etc, see also frequent use of "chucklehead" "asshat" and on the nicer/endearments end "buddy" "pal" "sunshine" etc)

an idiom ("a snowball's chance" "if it smells like a duck...")

slang ("drinking the koolaid" "jonesing for some hooch" not to mention the literal endless amount of words dean uses to refer to killing - gank, waste, juice, ice, etc)

a metaphor ("power up your batteries" "fly me back to my page on the calendar")

a euphemism ("cloud seeding" "i'd have given you an hour alone with her first")

sarcasm (his habit of replying "peachy" or "super" when asked how he is)

wordplay (see: the entire "vampirate" and "werepire" debacles)

completely nonsensical (guessing what happened to a magical artifact: "it was dug up by tomb raiders? it was seized by the king of the dead by warlords?")

said at lightning speed - if you pay attention, dean actually talks a LOT, usually a mile a minute (this makes me feel a way when you recall him being nonverbal for a year at age 4 but that’s another post)

slang IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE (casual usage of “guano,” etc)

a lie, a deflection, a joke, etc

or worse, something dean’s NOT saying, deliberately, because he’s one of the most repressed people on earth

the end result of all this being:

dean winchester is utterly infuckingcomprehensible. 

think about this. there's an ENTIRE SECTION on EVERY SINGLE EPISODE PAGE of the spn wiki devoted to JUST explaining dean's pop culture references, because the average viewer won't have seen everything he's talking about either. they have a whole page for this called “hunter’s lingo,” but honestly, it’s not all hunters, just sam and dean’s fucking batshit communication style. even i don't understand dean half the time. SAM gets it, sam speaks it back to dean a lot in the early seasons, but that's because sam and dean are 1. practically two halves of the same person 2. FREAKS. every time we get an episode that involves outsider POV is devoted to them going "what the fuck is WRONG with them?"

enter castiel. technically speaking, the show implies that angels are omnilingual. castiel should understand every language known to man, but knowing the meaning of words doesn't help him understand the following:

pop culture references

references to real life phenomenon

nicknames

idioms

slang

metaphors

euphemisms

sarcasm

wordplay

you get the idea.

listen to me. look me in the eyes. castiel cannot understand a single fucking word that comes out of dean's mouth. my guy laid a hand on dean winchester in hell and immediately fell in love with him and has no fucking idea what he's talking about ever. because not only is dean winchester's way of speaking CLINICALLY insane, and sometimes incomprehensible even to other human beings who are not sam, castiel is an angel, and someone prone to taking things even more literally than other angels do

go back and watch and watch seasons 4-5 especially. the reason cas does so much squinting and head tilting is because every time dean opens his mouth castiel has to open up his mental "dean winchester dictionary" and translate entire paragraphs on the fly, because again, dean never shuts up!

what makes this extra hilarious to me is this gem:

this line is from 5.13. at this point cas has known dean for AN ENTIRE YEAR AND A HALF. what you see here is my guy SNAPPING. cas made an EFFORT in this scene. he asked who glenn close was. he's telling dean that he can't understand him. he is doing his level best to have a normal conversation with this guy he has a crush on and for the life of him he cannot do it (equal but opposite energy to cas blowing up the gas station and motel room in 4.01, tbh)

yes, cas can understand dean's tone. he can use context clues, and he usually gets the general idea. and when cas DOES understand dean's jokes, he laughs at them. the first time we ever see him smile is during their 4.07 heart-to-heart when dean says "it was a witch, not the tet offensive." since cas has knowledge of human history, he knows what the tet offensive is; he got the joke, and he laughed.

but as far as actual dialogue goes, he consistently struggles to keep up. even after metatron gives castiel the pop culture knowledge in season 9, cas struggles to put it to put it to proper use (dean: "you wanna just walk right into the death star?" cas: "what does a fictional battle station have to do with this?"). whenever he asks dean to clarify it's always when he’s most annoyed, like most of the time he knows it would be futile but he's too annoyed to care. (dean: "i don't know who's on first, what's on second!" cas: "what IS second???") i’m pretty sure he spends seasons 4-6 wanting to shake dean by the shoulders and ask him why he is LIKE THIS. 

it takes cas - who, again, is omnilingual - YEARS to begin to acclimate to dean’s speech and start speaking that language back to him. it's season 8 before we start really hearing him use slang, season 9 before he begins to understand wordplay, season 10 before he starts using pop culture references (to other angels, who immediately fail to understand him, which disappoints him immensely), and season 11 before he really gets into metaphors. i don't remember what season he started using "yeah" instead of "yes" but i do know it took a really damn long time. 

and honestly, i don't think cas truly got the hang of it until at least season 11-12. that's something like 7 or 8 YEARS. it’s more than half the time they’ve known each other at the point of the series finale. 

so what's true romance, fellas? it's falling completely and totally in love with the most inexplicable person you will ever meet in your whole 4.5 billion year life, even though you have yet to understand a single thing he's ever said to you. thank you for coming to my ted talk

[spn masterpost]

[hello-vampire-kitty]

Translated questions from Tanaka-sensei's interview

There was an interview with Tanaka-sensei for the 10th anniversary of Servamp and sensei was asked 25 questions. Enjoy!

1) Q: Please tell us the ranking of how well the vampires can do housework, particularly cooking!

A: Among the eight Servamps, in order of their cooking ability:

Lawless > Freya > Lily > Tsubaki > Hugh > Kuro > Ildio > Jeje. (What, Lawless is the best at cooking among the Servamps?! That's surprising. He probably bakes sweets for Licht-tan :) 2) Q: Has Tsubaki ever been really angry at Belkia's pranks?

A: No, he hasn’t. Tsubaki never gets really angry by his friends’ jokes. Belkia is also able to read the mood, so he doesn't play pranks that go beyond the extent of a joke.

3) Q: What kind of lessons did Mikuni learn in his childhood?

A: Piano, violin, swimming, tennis, painting, horseback riding, and various foreign languages.

4) Q: Are there any certain pairings of Servamp siblings that are particularly close or unfriendly with one another?

A: The ones who get along especially well are Lily and Jeje, Lawless and Ildio.

On the other hand, the ones who don't get along are Hugh and Lawless, and Jeje and Ildio.

In terms of one-sided feelings, Lily is afraid of Freya, Freya dotes on Lawless, and Ildio has a somewhat affinity for Kuro.

5) Q: Are there any characters who dislike sweets?

A: Shuuhei, Shamrock, Touma Taishi are not particularly fond of sweets.

6) Q: Why does Kuro like cup noodles (Rame Ou)?

A: Because it's easy to make and delicious.

(note: Rame Ou [ラメ王] is the name of the brand of cup of noodles that Kuro likes. The kanji 王 means king and ラメ is short for ラーメン "ramen" )

7) Q: Is there a reason why Mahiru isn't on the cover even though he’s the main character?

A: Yes, there is. 8) Q: When Licht-san gets drunk, he becomes more aggressive towards Lawless than usual, but how does he react to other people besides Lawless? (For example, Crantz, Guil, Mahiru, Kuro, etc.)

If Lawless is there, will he be harmed no matter who is around? A: It's not that he's getting more aggressive, it's just that he becomes more arrogant than usual, so he's more selfish with Crantz and Guil, starts giving longer angel lectures to Mahiru, and pets Kuro like mad.

9) Q: There are many characters in Servamp that wear glasses, including Shuuhei and Lawless, but who is the character with the worst eyesight of them all?　

A: Although he is far-sighted, Kurumamori Junichiro has the worst eyesight.

Lawless has no problem with his eyesight because his glasses are just for fashion.

10) Q: What is inside Licht-san’s angel backpack?

A: Wallet, a handkerchief, cookies, smart phone, a good luck charm given by his family, earphones, sheet music, and so on.

11) Q: Please tell us the order of those who are skilled at Mahjong from team Melancholy!

A: In order of their skills: Otogiri > Tsubaki > Sakuya > Shamrock > Belkia > Higan.

12) Q: How long is Misono’s ahoge (cowlick) ?!

A: It changes depending on his emotions.

13) Q: What is Kuro's favorite dish from Mahiru's culinary repertoire? A: Hamburger steak with melted cheese on top.

14) Q: I got hooked on SERVAMP because of the stage play! I thought the level of reproduction of the characters was of high quality, but I'd like to ask Tanaka-sensei what you thought about the fact that the characters you created were materialized. Please, we would like to hear your opinions about the stage play! A: I really enjoyed the show, purely as an audience member!

It was impressive to see the characters actually exist and move. Kuro's cat-like movements, Lily's graceful swinging of his scythe, Tsubaki's ghastly sword wielding, and so on. I also like the opening dance. I would love to see it again. 15) Q: I would like to know which characters do their hair and which ones leave it as it is! Besides Lawless, do the others leave their hair as it is? A: In addition to Lawless, Mahiru, Sakuya, Belkia, Shamrock, Lily, Mikuni, Yumikage, Junichirou, Iori, Miyako, Crantz, Sigurd and Youtaro are particular about their hairstyles.

On the other hand, Kuro, Gear, Tsurugi, Iduna, Ildio, Higan, etc. leave their hair as it is when they get out of bed.

16) Q: When I'm reading Servamp, I consider that the foreshadowing is great, but do you have a clear structure for the final story in mind, sensei?

A: The flow of the story is generally defined until the end.

17) Q: Tanaka-sensei, is there any character that has acted in a way that you didn’t expect or made you think something like “Did they really have such thoughts?” A: Shirota Mahiru. I believe he has changed around the 11th volume, when he stepped out from his uncle’s ideology.

18) Q: What is Lily’s favorite macaron flavor?

A: Vanilla.

19) Q: Is Mikado Ichinose high-school only for boys? A: The Mikado Ichinose institution has elementary, middle and high schools, and the middle and high schools are boys' schools. There are rumors that the school will soon become co-ed.

20) Q: Are there any characters in Servamp who are considered good at art? A: Aside from Higan, Nicco is actually good at drawing.

On the other hand, Crantz has a unique sense of style, although he is not aware of it. Lawless and Guil call him "Master artist Crantz.”

21) Q: Please tell us which characters have driver’s licenses!

A: They are: Dodo, Mitsuki, Lawless (counterfeit), Crantz, Taishi Touma, Tooru Shirota, Tsukimitsu Iori, Tsukimitsu Miyako, Tsukimitsu Yumikage, Kurumamori Junichirou, Tsuyuki Shuuhei (paper driver), Shamrock (before his death), Niccolo, Cappuccino, Sigurd, Pisca, and Youtarou.

(note: Paper driver means inexperienced drivers who haven’t driven for years, or who never drive after they’ve got their driver’s license. )

22) Q: Is Tetsu-kun’s hair color natural?

A: No. He has been dyeing it for a while.

23) Q: I would like to know Mahiru’s mother’s name.

A: It's Shirota Akira. 城田暁 (her name means "dawn")

24) Q: Lawless doesn't seem to have said any theatrical lines since volume 8. Is there a reason for this?

Does it have something to do with the fact that he has become a crybaby? A: For him, there was no need to act anymore.

25) Q: When is it that Tsurugi laughs earnestly?

A: He doesn't think that he isn't laughing earnestly. (This question was difficult to translate because it used double negatives, so the meaning is that "I do laugh earnestly". I hope it makes sense.)

[trashyswitch]

Day 22: Vampire

It's Spirit's Eve, and Sebastian and Sam are arguing about how scary Sam's costume is. Silliness ensues.

Dedicating this fanfic to @fallen-lee. I hope you enjoy!

It was Spirit’s Eve in Pelican Town, and Sebastian was showing off his purple vampire costume to Sam. He was wearing a tuxedo with a cape, fake elf ears, fake fangs, and had styled his hair up a little bit for the event. 

Meanwhile Sam was showing off his ultimate werewolf costume. He was wearing wolf gloves, fake wolf ears, a fake tail and regular clothes like a sweater, pants and an orange shirt to show the half transformation from a human to a wolf. 

“Your costume…is more cute than anything, Sam.” Sebastian admitted. 

“It is not! It’s menacing and terrifying! FEAR ME.” Sam yelled, growling at him like a wolf. 

Sebastian just laughed and shook his head. “I will suck your body dry of all its blood. You will be nothing but a furry prune.” Sebastian told him. 

“As if I’m not gonna kill you first.” Sam reminded him. 

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Wolves are scared of humans, Sam.” Sebastian reminded him. 

“Maybe real wolves…but not werewolves…Werewolves are part human. Why would a werewolf be scared of its own species?” Sam asked. 

Sebastian sighed and called Maru over. Maru walked up, wearing her mad scientist costume. “Maru…are werewolves scared of humans?” Sebastian asked. 

“Well…there is no definitive answer on whether werewolves are afraid of humans. However, real wolves are certainly afraid of humans.” Maru replied. “Why do you ask, Seb-acula?” Maru asked. 

Sebastian smirked at Sam. “Unlike you, I did my research into my costume choice.” Sebastian told him. 

Sam chuckled. “It would be a shame if I were to eat garlic fingers in front of you.” Sam teased. “Or perhaps…” Sam pulled out a piece of wood and a hammer. “A stake to the heart?” 

Maru widened her eyes. “Where on earth did you get that?!” Maru asked. 

Sam looked at Maru. “I got Leah to whittle this for me…” Sam admitted. 

Sebastian hissed at Sam and covered his body and lower face with part of his cape. “How DARE YOU!” Sebastian yelled. 

Sam laughed. “I don’t even think Vincent would run and hide from fear.” Sam joked. 

Sebastian looked at Sam…then began to smirk. “Oh really?” Sebastian asked. 

“Really. Why don’t you try scaring Vincent yourself?” Sam asked. 

Sebastian chuckled. “Nah. He may end up peeing his pants, and I’ll end up in trouble.” Sebastian reminded him. “Besides: I’d rather scare YOU silly.” He replied. 

Sam smirked and crossed his arms. “Try me.” 

Sebastian smiled and walked up to Sam with a villionous look in his eyes and a toothy, evil grin. “I will give you 30 seconds to run and hide.” Sebastian told him. 

Sam scoffed. “Puh-lease…” Sam belittled. “As if you could scare me li-” 

“29.” Sebastian started to count. “28…27…26…” 

“Are you seriously counting down?” Sam asked. 

“24…23…22…” Sebastian kept counting. 

Sam looked at Maru. “Why’s he still counting down?” Sam asked. 

“19…18…17…16…” Sebastian kept counting. 

“Uh- Sam, you might want to actually run.” Maru warned, growing slightly nervous. 

“...11…10…” Sebastian continued. 

“Why? What’s he planning?” Sam asked. 

“8…7…6…” Sebastian kept on counting. 

“Just listen to me and RUN!” Maru ordered. 

“3…2…” Sebastian walked closer to Sam with his evil look on his face and his hands up, ready to take him down. “...1…” 

Sebastian’s eyebrows raised up as he started to realize why Maru might’ve wanted him to run. Sebastian grabbed Sam by the waist and picked him up. “GOTCHA.” 

Sam blinked and looked at Sebastian in confusion. “What are you doing?” Sam asked. 

“What do you think I’m doing?” Sebastian asked as he lifted up both of Sam’s arms. 

Sam felt Sebastian grab both ends of his sweater sleeves, and hold them above his head. Sam looked at Sebastian with a mix of confused worry. Why does he feel…so exposed right now? 

Suddenly, Sam felt fingers and nails start to skitter all over his left armpit. Sam widened his eyes and clenched his teeth as he felt a wobbly smile grow onto his face. 

Oh…Oh no…

Maru bit her lip as she watched her older brother begin his torment. “...At least it’s not me this time…” Maru mumbled. 

Sam started tittering and snickering as bits of his laughter threatened to move past his throat and teeth. Whenever the breathy laughter would move through his teeth, it sounded like he was hissing like a snake. 

“Oooooh…Sounds like the terrifying werewolf had a snake for breakfast…” Sebastian teased in his deep, evil voice. 

Then, Maru started counting down. “3…2…1-” she counted. 

Sam suddenly burst out in embarrassing giggles. It wasn’t ticklish enough to make him full-blown laugh, but it was just enough to leave him giggling like a little girl. 

“Theeere’s the laughter I’ve been waiting all night for~” Sebastian said. “So innocent…so girly…Hearing your giggles gives me many goosebumps.” Sebastian teased. 

“Shuhuhut uhuhup! Yohou're sohohoho dehehead!” Sam said through his giggles.

“How strange…the werewolf is threatening to kill me? Even though his exposed ticklish spots are being poked at, teased and tormented?” Sebastian asked. 

Sam tried to hide his face in the side of his right arm. He was growing more and more embarrassed from both the teasy tickles and the evil words. What Sebastian was doing was evil…utterly evil…Something only a super villain would do. 

“Get his neck!” Someone with a smaller voice declared. 

Sebastian looked over at the source of the voice, and smirked. Vincent was standing there in front of them, watching gleefully as his older brother was being tickled by Sebastian. 

Sam groaned amidst his giggles. “Vihihincehehent! Shuhush!” He tried to protest. But his protests would never be taken seriously if he was giggling like a tiny child. 

Sebastian smiled. “Tell me more, Vincent.” Sebastian encouraged calmly. 

Vincent giggled. “His neck makes him squeak like a mouse! Squeak squeak!” Vincent declared, pretending to be a mouse for a moment. “And his squishy sides are fun to tickle tickle.” Vincent added. 

“So…Like this?” Sebastian started skittering his fingers on the left side of Sam’s neck. 

Sam very much squeaked, and threw his head back as his giggles went up another octave. “EEheheheeek! EEHEHEHEEEE! NOHOhohohoHOHO!” Sam giggled and laughed. 

“Haha! Yeah! Like that!” Vincent replied. 

“Would you like to help me tickle your brother?” Sebastian asked. 

“Okay!” Vincent replied. “But can he lay down? Pleeeeaaaase?” Vincent asked. 

Sebastian laughed…genuinely laughed. “Sure!” He replied, temporarily using his real voice rather than his teasy voice. 

Maru chuckled and started to walk away. “Have fun, Sam.” Maru told him. 

“Nohohoho! Maru hehehehelp mehehe!” Sam yelled, reaching out his hand as Sebastian kicked Sam’s foot out from under him and laid him onto the ground. “Nohoho! Myhyhy cohostume will get dirtyhyhyhy!” Sam complained. 

“Worry not. We are on grass, not the dirt. Your costume will look good either way.” Sebastian replied. 

Sebastian let go of Sam’s sweater sleeves and started skittering a hand of fingers in each of Sam’s armpits. “Tickle tickle tickle, Sam~” Vincent reverted back to his teasy, low voice. 

Vincent quickly jumped onto Sam’s waist and started skittering his own fingers on Sam’s sides. “Kitchy kitchy kitchy kitchy koo, Sammy!” Vincent declared proudly. 

“ooOOOHOHOHO NOHOHOHO! HAHAHAhahahaha! Quihihihit ihihihit! Whyhyhyhyhy?!” Sam asked. 

Vincent giggled in reaction. “Tickling you is fun!” He told his older brother. 

Sebastian smiled as he heard Vincent giggle. It sounded strangely similar to Sam’s girly giggle from earlier. “It really is, Sam.” Sebastian told him. 

Sebastian and Vincent took their time tickling Sam for a bit. They both enjoyed the sound of Sam’s laughter and giggles filling the air outside Sam and Vincent’s house in Pelican Town. 

Sebastian soon looked over at Vincent with a new plan. “I have an idea:” 

Vincent lifted his hands up off his older brother. “What is it?” 

Sebastian smiled. “You tickle the left side with all your fingers…” He told Vincent. “And I’ll tickle the right side with all my fingers.” Sebastian told him. 

“Okay!” Vincent replied happily. Vincent quickly brought himself over to Sam’s left side, and grabbed his side with 8 fingers on the top of his side, and his 2 thumbs on the bottom of his side. Sam did the exact same thing, but on the right side instead of the occupied left side. 

“3…” Sebastian started to count. 

“GO!” Vincent declared, tickling and squeezing his brother’s side swiftly. 

Sam threw his head back and guffawed loudly. 

“Oh! Uh-” Sebastian quickly started tickling as well, trying to make up for the lost couple seconds from the mix up. 

“ooOOOOHOHOHO GOHOHOHOD! GAAAHAHAHAHAHAhahahaha! IHIHIHI CAHAHAHAHAN’T! PLEHEHEHEhehehehease stohohohop!” Sam begged. 

Sebastian nodded and lifted his fingers off Sam. But Vincent kept on going. “Kitchy kitchy kitchy koo, Samson!” Vincent teased in his little, innocent voice. 

“YOhohohou toohohohoo, Vihihincent.” Sam told him. 

“Awww…But that was only 5 mini seconds…” Vincent whined. 

Sebastian couldn’t help but laugh. “5 mini seconds of hearing your brother laugh…that’s more than I can hear in a day sometimes.” Sebastian teased. 

Vincent widened his eyes and looked at Sam. “You don’t laugh with Sebashin?” Vincent reacted. 

“Thahahat’s a lihie! Ihi do lahaugh! Vehery ohohoften.” Sam argued. 

Sebastian chuckled. “Yeah…you’re right.” Sebastian replied. 

Vincent looked at Sebastian. “Did you lie?” Vincent asked. 

“Yes, I did.” Sebastian told him. 

Vincent smiled. “Hey Sam, what does mommy do when I lie?” Vincent asked. 

“Uhh…she tickles you?” Sam replied. 

“Sebashin lied! So he needs tickle tickles too!” Vincent declared. 

Sebastian raised his eyebrows in surprise. Wait, what!? 

Sam smirked and grabbed Sebastian. “He’s right. Your turn, Mr. Seb-acula.” Sam teased. 

Vincent ran up to Sebastian and started tickling Sebastian’s sides. But…Sebastian didn’t start laughing. He didn’t even flinch. 

“What-...Awww…he’s not ticklish…” Vincent whined. 

Sam laughed at his brother’s reaction. “He’s still ticklish…just not on the sides like me.” Sam told him. “Buuuut…” He started skittering his fingers on Sebastians ribs. “He’s very ti-” 

“PFFFTTAAAHAHAHAhahahaha! Hehehehehey!” Sebastian bursted out laughing. 

“Yeah, that.” Sebastian replied, working with the interruption. 

“Cool!” Vincent started tickling Sebastian’s lower ribs, while Sam tickled his upper ribs. Sebastian threw his head back and started cackling and laughing. His voice was a somewhat lower laugh. But, it was still adorable to listen to. 

And nearby, Maru was also listening to her brother’s laughter. It was nice to  see that the tables had turned. And Vincent was right: 

Liars, specifically lying vampires, get tickles. 

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS DAYLIGHT Vol.8 Mukami Kou [TRACK 4]

Original title: 光が差す

Source: Diabolik Lovers Daylight Vol. 8 Mukami Kou

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Kimura Ryouhei

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5 + Epilogue

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

TRACK 4: THE LIGHT SHINING THROUGH

Kou walks outside.

[00:10] “...God. I can’t believe Ruki-kun just completely ruined my perfectly thought-out plan...Besides, Yuma-kun and Azusa-kun aren’t free from any blame either. I can’t believe Ruki-kun actually managed to outwit Azusa-kun...That’s just pathetic! I know it’s not easy to hold Ruki-kun back but still...I had faith that the two of them together would pull it off somehow. ーー Aah!! God!! Everything pisses me off!”

You approach him.

[00:41] “What do you want, M-neko-chan? I’d advise staying away from me right now. I won’t be held responsible for my actions.”

You note that he never showed up for dinner.

“Hah! Hilarious! It’s honestly no big deal for a Vampire to skip a meal or two...Or rather, why are you worried about me? Makes no sense, does it?”

You explain by saying that he is important to you.

“Listen...Were you even listening to a single word I did? If you did, you wouldn’t be concerned about me right now.”

You look away.

[01:15] “...Tsk. What’s with that reaction?I can’t believe you…Then, should I remind this dumb kitty once more? I’m talking about the fact that I’M responsible for fucking up your heart. Remember it now? ...The heart is basically a pump sending blood all across the body, right? However, it can’t function properly if there’s not enough blood provided to it. ...I’m the one who made it unable to beat normally. Do you understand?”

You remain quiet. 

“…Oi. Say something. I’m sure you’ve got plenty to say, rather than just sitting there staring at me, no?”

You frown.

[02:00] “Tskー! Oh come on, just pour out your heart already! You can blame me all you want! ‘I’m going to die young all because of you! Give me back my life!’ ー If you do that, don’t you think it’ll make you feel a little better?”

You shake your head.

 “…Haah? Excuse me? Are you still playing the nice girl? There’s really no point in keeping up appearances…You’re going to die soon after all.”

You try and explain.

[02:32] “…! You really are out of your mind…Oh well, fine. In other words, you want to die, don’t you? You just can’t wait to drop dead, huh!? …Sure. I’ll grant that desire of yours then!”

Kou pins you down.

*Thud*

“I’ll suck your blood as you wish…Plenty of it, to the point where your heart might just stop beating right here, right now!”

Kou bites you. 

“Mmh...Nnーー!!”

*Sluuuuurp*

[03:14] “Mm...Mmh...How’s that? Are you starting to feel faint? Dizzy, perhaps? ...Oi, say something!”

 You tell him that you’re glad.

“...!! ...Haah? What are you saying? Or rather, why are you smiling!?”

You explain.

“Love? ...This is? Piercing my fangs through your skin and sucking your blood is love to you!? Hah…! You’re just providing lip serviーー”

*WOOSH*

[04:00] “...!! ...Ah. For real…? You’ve got me...You actually...think of my fangs as love...I can’t believe it...I mean, these fangs aren’t all that great…! If anything...It’s the exact opposite…”

You ask him what he means.

“...!! Haah, haah…I’m sure I’ve told you this story before but...Will you listen to me talk about my past?”

You nod.

[04:50] “...When I stayed at the orphanage, a bunch of aristocrats and other prestigious people secretly bought me. For a large sum of money. They tormented me solely for their own entertainment. Using whips or knives to cover my entire body in cuts and bruises. Apparently they got a real kick out of seeing a pretty boy suffer. That’s fucked up, isn’t it? They didn’t care whether I could no longer stand or passed out on the ground. The more pain they inflicted upon me, the happier it made them. 

[05:32] ...What I did to you is no different. I’ve hurt you many times with these fangs before. Even when you clearly protested, I would force myself upon you...That’s a past I can never erase, no matter what. Just like my own past can’t be undone either.”

You shake your head.

“...It’s not wrong, is it!? On top of that, it ended up shortening your lifespan...I was able to survive by becoming a Vampire, but youーー! What I did was absolutely disgusting...It makes me gag.”

You explain yourself. 

[06:20] “...Haah!? What are you saying!? You’re making less and less sense to me. In other words...you think that being killed by me is the best way to go? ...Hah! What a ridiculous way to try and comfort me! There’s just no way you could be happy with this outcome!”

You stick with your resolve.

“Hold up...Have you actually lost your mind? I know I call you M-neko-chan but you don’t have to take your masochism to such extremes….” 

You look him right into the eyes.

[06:51] “Ah-aah...You’re actually serious. I can tell by the look on your face, even without using the powers of my eye. ...Then give me a proper explanation. What do you mean with ‘I’d be happy if you were the reason for my death’? 

You start to elaborate. 

“Hah...You believe the two of us are connected just because I suck your blood? You really are quite naive. ...Well, I’ll admit that it’s not the most common way for two people to connect, so I guess you could call it special in that regard.”

You agree.

[07:40] “Or rather, blood-sucking isn’t a thing amongst normal couples.”

You once again tell him it provides a connection between the two of you.

“ーー But if blood-sucking is all you need to establish a connection, then those Sakamaki’s or even Ruki-kun and the others could do the same!”

You shake your head and insist that it has to be him.

“...Ah. Right. You’re right...You genuinely loved me - everything included - and not some other Vampire…”

You confirm his statement.

[08:26] “...!! ...Hah. Say? M-neko-chan? I know this question might seem a little late but listen...Were you happy to spend time with me?”

You nod and smile. 

“Even though I would suck your blood left and right?”

You nod again.

“What I did...wasn’t a mistake? I didn’t make you suffer by sucking your blood…?”

You tell him you are happy with how your life played out.

“Really…? You’re happy even though your life will be cut short?”

You nod once more.

[09:22] “Kuh...You really are unbelievable...I was once a human as well, so I know what having a limited lifespan is like. Even back when every day was a living nightmare, I still desperately struggled to stay alive. So I thought that no matter how much I apologized, I could never make up for shortening your life. 

[09:55] ーー Yet, you smile and say you’re happy. A bright smile like a cloudless sky. ...You got to be with me, so you’re glad, huh? Haha...A clear, blue sky resides within you. That blue sky I always yearned for, but could never quite reach. ...I finally understand how you feel. As well as how special and blessed the two of us are. 

...Say, M-neko-chan? Will you give me a chance to redeem myself?” 

You tilt your head to the side.

[10:54] “I mean, I went rampant all by myself, didn’t I? Even though you should have had it much rougher than anyone else. I just feel like a miserable fool now. I don’t want to be this pathetic guy...

You insist that he isn’t pathetic. 

“I want to be a Mukami Kou you can be proud of. I want to walk with pride as the man you love...So from here on out, I will grant your desires instead. All of them, until the day you take your final breath. I promise...Or rather, let me make that vow. For my sake as well.”

You nod.

[11:47] “Exactly. For the both of us. ...Haah~ With all the pressure lifted off my shoulders, I suddenly feel hungry.”

You offer to go have dinner inside.

“Eh? Don’t tell me...All three of you waited for me!? Even though it’s long past dinner time by now!?”

You nod.

[12:15] “...I have to make up with Ruki-kun and the others as well.”

You tell him he can do that now.

“Yeah, good idea. Let’s go then.”

The two of you walk back towards the manor.

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[marwankenzarisgaylittleearring]

“I’d like to end up as a tree”

Marwan kenzari (31) won a gold calf last year for his role in the movie Wolf. As of next week he is to be seen in Bloedlink (/reckless), opening’s act of the Dutch film festival. “It’s not my place to say I’m good.”

Bloedlink

“Acting offers the chance to become well acquainted with the complexities of being human. The Moroccan kick-boxer Majid in the movie Wolf had a fascinating interior life. His character was even easier to understand when he said nothing at all - I don’t think I’ve ever had as little lines in a movie. Rico in Bloedlink is completely different. He accidentally finds himself swept up in criminal business, but he’s actually just someone who’s had a whole slew of bad luck. In the movie his character undergoes a few very surprising U-turns. In my portrayal of him, I interpret all those different sides as honest, I find that interesting. In the movie, Rico does some paradoxical things, but he means all of them. Of course that’s simply not possible. That’s what makes him fascinating and tragic.”

Journey

“If I’m a good actor? That’s not my place to say. Sometimes you do the most interesting things you think are worthless in the moment. A movie is a collaborative journey, which, in the case of Wolf, I underwent with director Jim Taihuttu among others. Although I secretly did think during shooting: this will be fun. Wolf is an honest movie. The kick-boxing, the hits to the body, very little of that is pretend. Not that everything should be real in a movie, but this story required that. At a certain point I felt: this could be something really fresh in Dutch cinema. And it was.”

Peanut Butter

“Ever since that role, which I trained for quite extensively, I’ve found it increasingly important to stay in shape. It wasn’t a complete transformation; even beforehand I would exercise six times a week. But now I’m slightly addicted, yeah. It makes you mentally stronger, too. If I’ve been training on a Sunday at 7 am and then at 8 am I’m outside again, showered, refreshed and in shape while the rest of the city’s asleep, I’m 1-0 ahead. Scratch that: 10-0. I pay attention to my nutrition as well. Bread for example gives false energy. But I’m not always so strict. I get plenty of enjoyment from a good, white slice of bread with calvé peanut butter. And then fold it over, don’t cut it! You shouldn’t cut a sandwich, everyone knows that. Then you miss the first bite.”

Toneelgroep Amsterdam

“After the acting academy in Maastricht I was immediately invited to Toneelgroep Amsterdam. I was with them for three years, but found my attentions pulled towards film during that period. When the actors from TGA are - rightfully - expected to be fully available. We “broke up”, though that sounds too serious, with full, mutual agreement. I see the company as family and will be playing in Angels in America at the end of the month, in New York. Director Ivo van Hove has been very important for my development. I admire his knowing exactly what he wants, but also his ability to be unsure and searching, and to be able to be vulnerable about that. But I have to be fair to myself. I’m 31 now, and these are my most important years in film. While I hope to be an even better stage-actor when I’m fifty. I’m slightly further ahead in film than on stage. That development is tougher, needs more time and possibly total dedication. Stage is the motor in the actor’s car; film is a different muscle. But if Ivo calls me in two, or ten or forty years, he’ll be the first stage director I’ll say yes to.”

Pierre Bokma

“As the son of Tunisian parents in the Hague painters-quarter I didn’t come into automatic contact with theatre. As a kid I was mostly interested in football, the emotion you see on a player’s face when he scores - fantastic. At a certain point I realised that movies can affect you the same way, even though you know it’s fake. That’s the magic of acting. Through contacts I ended up with De Nieuwe Amsterdam, an in-between theatre course for teens for whom the leap to theatre school was perhaps a bit too big. I learned everything there: playwrights, Dutch actors, repertoire. You’re also taught which acting schools exist. And I thought: where did Pierre Bokma go to school? And Fedja van Huêt? That was Maastricht. It also appealed to me that they implemented Bijltjesdag: you might still be sent away halfway through the first year. I decided: if I’m going for this uncertain profession, maybe the best trial by fire will be going to a school where you aren’t sure if you’ll be allowed to stay. I was allowed, in the end. At the theatre academy I came into contact with art, philosophy, poetry. All of that was new. But it didn’t feel as if I was behind, I only saw it as a fantastic source of riches; as if I could try on all sorts of new glasses.”

Huntersfamily

“I never thought that this path wasn’t laid out for me, I just always let myself be lead by my passion and my dreams. My parents are happy for me; I have a good connection with both. My father is an amazing person - an accumulation of beautiful ingredients. He’s honest with himself, doesn’t spare himself and laughs a lot, that’s important to me. He might be made out of simple components, he’s from a huntersfamily, but for me these are the components that build a strong character. My dad can tell beautiful stories, about his life in Tunisia, about his old friends who aren’t with us anymore. Every year death takes someone new, and in that way a beautiful group of people slowly disappears, the protagonists of a generation. One lives close to the elements there, I find that fascinating. It’s so different to our life here. I’ll also never interrupt my dad when he starts on a story like that. Even if I’ve heard it before.”

Vampire

“I’ve always said: I want to play a woman, a vampire, a Moroccan kick-boxer. I’ve succeeded in doing the last one. A vampire is a wonderful character. The beauty of their faces, the sensuality, the tragedy of never going outside during the day, and of course their never ageing; never dying, in fact. I’d like to never die. When I was a kid, I suffered a lot of nightmares. About falling and never landing. I had a hard time in the dream world, I wasn’t a big fan of night. It was, I think, a sort of inexplicable fear of dying. At a certain moment I grew familiar with those dreams, figured out how to influence them. I could for all intents and purposes check-out whenever it became scary. I became the director of my own dream world. When I was twelve, I fell in love, and then I was over it. I still have nightmares, like everyone else, but now I find them fascinating instead of threatening. Beautiful how your mind can make a story out of all sorts of ingredients. Sometimes I call my mother to talk about what a dream might mean. For example, I recently dreamt about my grandmother. ‘She thinks about you and loves you,’ my mother says.”

Tree

“I still know fear and uncertainty, but they don’t hinder me anymore. They’re two trusted companions now, who walk with me. They keep me sharp and hungry, and in a good way, they keep me on my toes. As long as they don’t hold me back, they can be here. Fear of dying is now simply fear of no longer living. If a way to live until you’re 377 is discovered tomorrow, I’ll be the first to sign up. I’d like to end up as a tree. Then you only need to have a care for wind, rain and sun.”

[therealvinelle]

How many people do u think the cullens have killed?

A lot.

I’ll try to answer on a Cullen to Cullen basis, and make my estimate as conservative as possible. Also, for this estimate I'll look only at direct kills, complicity doesn’t count, which for example means I won’t add Royce King II & friends to Carlisle’s count, even though he made himself complicit when he helped Rosalie plot their murders.

Without further ado:

Alice has had her accidents, plural, so 2≤ humans. After joining the Cullens, mind you, we don’t know how she lived as a newborn. I’d guess her visions told her to feed from animal blood early on, to accustom her to it sooner rather than later so life among the Cullens would be easier. The interesting thing about Alice having a body count is that her gift should be helpful in avoiding these kinds of situations, meaning that Alice’s accidents have caught her unawares. So, we have at least two humans, and considering the newborn army the number might be higher. Might. Jasper tried his damndest to keep Alice safe in that fight, so it stands to reason he killed anyone who got close to her. Alice might not have had the chance to kill any newborns. If she did, and counting kills she helped with, then I’d put my estimate at a conservative 0-1. Then we have Rosalie, who says she has the second best streak in the family, second only to Carlisle. Rose killed 5 humans (she corrects herself a bit later to 7, but this doesn’t make a difference. She’s still second best to Carlisle). She admittedly doesn’t mention Alice, but if Alice had a better record than her she likely would have. Which jumps Alice up another few steps, to 8≤.

Bella hasn’t killed anyone. 0.

Carlisle had a perfect record until the newborn army attacked. So, no humans, but most likely newborns. When Carlisle attacks Bree in “The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner”, it’s a fast and brutal attack. I’ll just paste the scene: A blond vampire glanced at me, meeting my gaze, and his eyes flashed gold in the sunlight. (...) I turned and really ran for the trees (...) I was a few feet into the trees when a force like a wrecking ball hit me from behind and threw me to the ground. An arm slipped under my chin. (The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, page 91) For the record, holy shit Carlisle, that was so brutal! I can’t believe that the minute Bella steps off screen the guy rips off his shirt and becomes the Terminator. Damn. ... Point being, Carlisle was an active participant in that battle. It makes ethical sense for him to be, the newborns had to die, it would have been hypocritical to tell his family “you guys go roll in the mud, I’m too saintly to get my hands dirty”, and if he didn’t pitch in his family and the shapeshifters would be in danger. It becomes morally just to join in the battle, and with a zeal at that. Or at least that’s how he appears to have reasoned, because holy shit, Carlisle took the gloves off. So, Carlisle can reasonably be assumed to have killed at least 1 newborn, likely more. I’d say 3 at the most, though there’s the possibility that he co-opted some kills with the others. (I have more thoughts further down).

Edward left for four years to eat people. At first he ate junkies and homeless people, they did not taste good. Would this have motivated him to eat more than one every fortnight? Alas, I’m keeping my estimate conservative, so let’s wager no. So, one human per fortnight for four years. 26*4=104. That’s the lowest possible estimate of people Edward killed, though I’m inclined to think higher. Given his mission to stop evil, if Edward found a rapist it’s not like he’d go “aw shucks, I can’t kill him yet because it hasn’t been a full two weeks!” Add Victoria to that count, and we’re at 105≤.

Emmett killed his two singers, but considering Rosalie’s statement he too falls under the 8≤ number. He helped kill James, which adds +1 to the vampire tally. Then comes the newborn battle. Bree sees him kill one of the newborns, so we know he got some action. I’ll make the same assumption as I did for Carlisle, which is 1-3. So, 2-4 vampires total.

Esme is explicitly stated to have a worse record than Rosalie. She has killed 8 people or more. As for the newborn army, I’m not sure I can picture it. If Esme did kill anyone, I imagine it was along with others. Let’s put her down for 1.

Jasper my poor guy, he’s in another league. Turned in 1863, he lived with Maria until 1938, then met Alice and became a vegetarian in 1948. He’s had a few accidents since. From 1863 to 1938 I think we should assume one person per week, as strength was paramount in the world of newborn armies, blood was a reward for soldiers, and Jasper won Maria a lot of territory. They would not want for blood, and he recounts she rewarded him often. So, 52*75=3900 dead humans. Jasper then runs off with Peter and Charlotte, presumably eating at a normal rate of every other week. We don’t know when he split off from them, but let’s assume an even split and that he left after five years, leaving another five years of lone wandering where he tried to starve himself. So, 26*5=130 for his years with Peter and Charlotte, then assuming he made it a month each fast before surrendering, 13*5=75 for the lone years. We then have accidents. He’s had more accidents than any of the other Cullen children (I don’t think it’s every actually specified that he’s had more accidents than them all, meaning Esme could still have slipped more), putting him at 9≤ accidents. Then comes the vampires he’s killed. We know he killed Nettie, Lucy, and James, so that’s 3. Newborns take time to train, but to make up for that we have a lot of armies. Let’s assume Maria’s army got into one battle every six months. Let’s assume Jasper always killed at least 1 vampire. (See what I meant by conservative? In my defense, Victoria’s army was huge and not at all representative) That’s 130≤ vampires. Jasper also mentions that as a newborn he kept getting into fights with his brothers-in-arms, he killed several. So, let’s assume 4≤, since it sounds like it was certainly more than 2. More numerous are the vampires he executed. Jasper’s gift meant Maria could have a lot more soldiers than most, and he doubled her army’s numbers. His first major accomplishment was to make her an army of 23 newborns. Assuming he kept up this good work, knowing as we do that Jasper was the only vampire Maria never replaced, and assuming some newborns were lost to infighting or battles, we can assume a replacement cycle of Maria needing 20 vampires executed on a yearly basis. 20*75 = 1500. Which... does feel a little high, but Jasper’s backstory is extreme. As for the newborn battle, let’s assume 4.

Renesmée hasn’t killed anyone either, 0.

Rosalie we know for sure, 7 humans. Let’s assume as with Carlisle and Emmett that she took out 1-3 vampires.

(NOTE: When it comes to how many newborns from Victoria’s army each Cullen killed, all we can do is estimate:

The Cullens divided evenly with the shapeshifters. There were 16 newborns at the battle, giving us 8 newborns per Cullen. There were 6 Cullens present, meaning at least 1 each. Jasper did more than his fair share, and Alice and Esme can both be speculated to have been smaller parts in this battle. I think it’s fair to assume Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie killed at least 1 newborn each, though likely more, especially if we take shared kills into consideration. I think 1-3 is a fair assumption, and I’m tempted to assume Jasper killed was everywhere and it feels like lowballing to estimate 4.)

Total:

Alice: 8≤ humans, 0-1** vampire. 9 total

Bella: 0

Carlisle*: 1-3**, all vampires.

Edward: 104≤ humans, 1 vampire. 105≤ total

Emmett: 8≤ humans, 2-4** vampires. 10≤ total

Esme: 8≤ humans, 1 vampire. 9≤ total

Jasper: 4105≤ humans, 1638≤** vampires. 5743≤ total

Renesmée: 0

Rosalie*: 7 humans, 1-3** vampires. 8≤ total

*with both Carlisle and Rosalie we have an upper limit. Carlisle’s body count can’t be higher than 15, and Rosalie’s can’t be higher than 22 (I get the number 15 from 16-1 newborns, as there’s one vampire we know for a fact was killed by Emmett alone) and that would be in an extremely contrived scenario where he or she was somehow everywhere at once.

** when adding up the total of vampires killed by Cullens at the newborn army, regardless of the composition of who killed who, the sum is (assuming an even split with the shapeshifters) 8.

Added together, this gives us:

4240≤ humans and 1643≤ vampires.

If we remove Jasper’s past from the equation, because newborn army George who spent 75 years in a newborn army killing every day is an outlier and should not have been counted, then the tally becomes: 

144≤ humans and 10 vampires.

If we remove Edward’s rebellious era from the equation, as he was not a Cullen at the time, the human tally sinks to: 

40≤ humans. (This is counting Rosalie’s revenge. There have been 33≤ accidents.)

This is the lowest possible estimate. The number is likely higher.

Special thanks to @theunexpectedness​ on the Twilight Forever discord for digging up her copy of “The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner” for me so I could get my quotes straight.

Also, feel free to point out errors in the math. I’m sure I’ve made some.

[theotherhufflepuff]

Simon Snow Trilogy Tarot Cards...

Ok so, a little while ago I saw this frankly stunning artwork by @vkelleyart and I started thinking about the Major Arcana archetypes and how characters from my favourite book series could fit into them.

So I made this list. It took a lot of thought and I’m still not 100% sure on some of them but I have explained my thought process for each card.

I don’t know how much crossover there is in the Venn diagram of “Simon Snow fans” and “tarot readers” but I’d love to hear your opinions and/or alternative suggestions (be respectful though, obviously). I’ve left “visual prompts” for most of the cards explaining what they looked like in my imagination and if anyone wants to draw any of these (or their own alternative version!) please tag me; it would make my day! I can’t draw for toffee so I am 1000% never gonna try to illustrate any of them myself.

List under the cut because it is loooong.

Spoilers ahead for the whole series!

0 The Fool - Shepard - Shepard just follows magickal creatures around and says “yes” to everything... he is the pure embodiment of the Fool archetype to me; care-free, innocent... prepared for everything and yet totally clueless. Visual prompt: Shepard about to (attempt to) step into the fog as he follows a fairy into the forest.

1 The Magician - Penelope - “Penelope Bunce is a fierce magician, I don’t mind saying” Baz, at least once in each book. Penny never worries about not having the power or words available to do whatever she wants; she is comfortable in her power and it is always there, ready to be wielded however she sees fit. Visual prompt: Penny wearing her Stevie Nicks cape, standing by a chalkboard in the classic “Magician” pose, ring clearly held aloft.

2 The High Priestess - Dr Mitali Bunce - Dr Bunce is possibly a more formidable magician than her daughter. Highly intelligent, straightforward and, let’s be honest, judgemental. But she does have all the answers. Visual prompt: Dr Bunce carrying around her laptop, phone sandwiched between her ear and her shoulder.

3 The Empress - Lucy Salisbury - Lucy exudes the nurturing, Earth Mother vibes that are central to the Empress archetype. She saw the best in everyone and all she wanted was to love Davy and live with him in their cottage with her chickens and their child. Visual prompt: Lucy, barefoot and pregnant, feeding the chickens outside of their cottage.

4 The Emperor - Lamb - This is one of the ones I’m not totally sure about. I went through a few different ideas but ultimately settled on Lamb as the “Vampire King of Las Vegas”. He is an imposing figure, ruling his city with an iron fist; if you are in his favour, Vegas is your playground, but cross him and you will suffer the consequences. Visual prompt: Lamb sits on an antique chair in his opulent suite at the Katherine, the lights of night time Vegas visible through the window behind him.

5 The Hierophant - The Mage - Again, this one took some thought and I’m sure some people will disagree with this interpretation... I’m not completely sold on it myself. The Mage was all about reforming the old traditions of the World of Mages and he amassed a following by doing so. But he turned out to be somewhat of a false prophet; abusing his power to oppress those he deemed “the enemy”. Visual prompt: The Mage in his Robin Hood costume, sitting at his desk at the top of the Weeping Tower, surrounded by his piles of banned books.

6 The Lovers - Simon and Baz - Obviously. As stated at the top of this post, I love @vkelleyart’s version of this card, but there are a lot of scenes across the series that could be used to illustrate this archetype. I personally always love to see the original “and then he kisses me” scene.

7 The Chariot - Fiona Pitch - I struggled with this one a bit and I don’t really think that this is the ideal version. But the image of Fiona, rolling up to Blackfriars bridge in her vintage sports car to rescue Baz from the Numpties really stuck with me so that’s what I went with, for lack of a better idea.

8 Strength - Ebb - Ebb is often dismissed and underestimated by other magicians but she is wicked powerful. But more than that, the Strength card is about inner strength, self control and the wisdom to know when to fight, and when to rest. Ebb is highly intuitive about the people - and goats - around her and is always careful not to talk about her twin brother, only conceding that she knows of his presence once a year and never giving in to the temptation to talk directly to him. Ebb saw the war coming and knew that she could probably end it all by herself with the power she had; but she also knew that she didn’t want that and she had the strength to say no, to eschew the expectations the rest of the World of Mages placed upon her and live quietly, instead. Visual prompt: Ebb in the hills behind the school with the goats, she wears a flower crown that the Dryad made her.

9 The Hermit - Agatha - the Hermit eschews the outside world in order to take an inner journey of self discovery, knowing that this is the only way to find real answers and achieve real growth. Agatha, jaded by the World of Mages, took herself off to California, leaving her wand at home. She didn’t know what she wanted but she knew it wasn’t magic. Visual prompt: Agatha sits on the beach at twilight by a small campfire, Lucy the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel by her side.

10 The Wheel of Fortune - The Crucible - The Crucible’s decisions, like the Wheel’s, are unpredictable and inevitable. Once it’s happened, you’re stuck with the consequences - sometimes bad (being stuck with a toff vampire who hates you) and sometimes good (getting the best room in Mummers house).

11 Justice - Natasha Grimm-Pitch - Natasha needed justice to find peace; her whole story is about justice. She was swift to act when the vampires attacked Watford, dispatching them without hesitation. When she came through the veil to find Baz and ask him to bring her murderer to justice, she knew that would also provide some closure for him, too, both for her death, and for his. Visual prompt: Natasha Grimm-Pitch appearing from beyond the veil, looking for Baz and finding Simon.

12 The Hanged One - Nicodemus - The Hanged One is about feeling stuck, but also about finding peace where you are when there’s nothing you can do about it. Nicodemus chose to cross over for eternal life, but he was stricken from the book; his (considerable) magic effectively taken from him and his fangs removed. He was stuck in between - not a full vampire, not a magician; he exists on the fringes of both communities. He got himself there and then he had to figure out how to get by, carve out a place for himself in order to survive. Visual prompt: Nicodemus sits in the tree in the garden of his mother’s house in South London, waiting for Ebb to come and sit on the empty bench beneath him.

13 Death - [scene on the Great Lawn] - Ok, so.. this might need some explaining. My immediate thought for this card was that it should be the Humdrum but Death is all about clearing out the old junk in your life that doesn’t serve you in order to make space for the new. And the Humdrum isn’t making space for anything. So I was thinking about times that has happened in the story and I thought about how the death of the Mage made room for real progress and an end to the war with the old families. Visual prompt: Penny and Baz (literally) run into a fleeing Agatha on the Great Lawn; the Weeping Tower looms in the background, the Mage and Simon visible through the blown-out stained glass windows.

14 Temperance - Simon and the Humdrum - Temperance is, as you might expect, about balance and harmony. Simon used so much magic at once that he couldn’t control it and it tore holes in the magickal atmosphere. Simon had to fill the Simon-shaped hole to restore equalibrium and stop the magickal firmament from collapsing altogether. Visual prompt: Simon kneeling in the Weeping Tower, pouring his magic into the Humdrum as he fades away.

15 The Devil - Smith Smith-Richards - The Devil is about feeling trapped by temptations in your life, often because we’re afraid of what we would do with the freedom we’d have if we let them go. Which got me thinking about Smith-Richards (that name never gets any less ridiculous) and all the magicians who were taken in by the temptation of “fixing” their magic. But it was a false promise and those magicians who narrowly escaped taking Smith-Richards’ spell were all freed from the idea of their magic being “broken” in the first place. Visual prompt: Smith-Richards (looking like the guy who would be cast to play Simon in the Netflix series) standing on a stage in the packed-out White Chapel, rapt audience hanging on his every word.

16 The Tower - The Humdrum - Originally I wanted to use the Weeping Tower for this card because the imagery is on point but the meaning doesn’t match. The Tower is about absolute destruction, the crumbling of something you thought core to your being. The Humdrum steals magic and renders magicians homeless because of it. The Tower is about having to start again from the ground up - just as the Grimms did when all the magic was drained from Hampshire. Visual prompt: The Humdrum, wearing Simon’s face, stands in the grounds of Pitch Manor, laughing. (I have always thought of the holes looking like a burn in a piece of paper - sort of glowing and smouldering at the edges as it eats away the atmosphere. I know the holes can’t actually be seen - the Normals would freak out - but that is imagery I would use here)

17 The Star - Lady Ruth’s candles - The Star is about hope and healing after the devastation of the Tower. Lady Ruth’s candles were a symbol of hope that kept her going when she thought she had lost her children. They provided comfort and, at the end when it became clear the Lucy was gone, the healing of knowing that her child had finally found his way home to his family. Visual prompt: Lady Ruth’s candles in front of a window, a bright star can be seen through the window.

18 The Moon - Agatha and Simon - So, the Moon is all about examining blurred lines between illusion and reality - nothing looks totally clear in the moonlight. It reminded me of how Simon never really seemed to have a clear view of his feelings for Agatha and what their relationship was. When he properly examined his feelings, he found that he didn’t love Agatha and was going through the motions because he thought it was what other people expected of him. Agatha was doing the same. It also brought to mind Simon, going out of his mind worrying about Baz when he was missing - as well as basically every other thought Simon ever has about Baz before Christmas Eve 2015 - and somehow mistaking it for hating him?? Simon is not stupid but sometimes he’s real dumb. Visual prompt: Agatha and Simon meet on the ramparts, both looking for Baz, and break up.

19 The Sun - Simon - This card is all about innocence, optimism and joy. Nothing about this series personifies this more than Simon flying above Shepard’s truck in America, feeling free and hopeful about the future for the first time in over a year. Visual prompt: Shepard’s truck drives through the vast empty desert, the sun beating down. Simon flies above the truck, joy on his face.

20 Judgement - Niamh and Agatha - Ok, this one was hard to figure out and this is maybe not the right solution, but I was very stuck. Judgement is about self improvement through self reflection. As a small twist on that theme; Niamh and Agatha challenge each other’s view of themselves and their interactions with the world around them. Visual prompt: Agatha and Niamh, sweating to death in Niamh’s “shitty Ford Fiesta” (I’m very salty about that line; my Ford Fiesta is lovely and it has aircon). Niamh is frowning, obviously.

21 The World - Simon, Baz, Penny and Shepard - The World is about completeness, the ending of a story, fulfilment and belonging. At the end of AWTWB, Simon has finally found his biological family, he is starting to accept that his boyfriend and his found family love him for who he is, magic or no, and he can finally start to imagine a future for himself. Baz has learned new information about his vampirism, Penny has found new confidence and Shepard is finally fully accepted into the group. Visual prompt: Baz, Penny and Shepard sit on Simon’s sofa (possibly still pink from Baz’s spell, possibly he spelled it navy blue again) Simon sits on the floor. They’re all eating leftover sandwiches and cake from Lady Ruth’s.

[inabottlelikelightning]

10 fandoms, 10 characters, 10 tags :)

got tagged in this a While ago (@grenadinepeach thank u <3 <3 <3) and i thought i’d give it a shot since i’ve been in Quite a few fandoms

rules: show us your ten favorite characters from ten fandoms and then tag ten people to do the same.

1. theo raeken — teen wolf

yeah this can’t be a surprise to anyone. this man somehow inspired me enough to actually Start Writing. absolutely wild. love him to death. bamf dumbass. also it doesn’t hurt that he looks Like That.

honorable mentions: allison, lydia, kira. (sorry liam)

2. steve rogers — marvel

some of you may not know this about me but i was into marvel for Quite Some Time. i have to say 💓💗💖💞💝💘💕steve rogers 💞💓💗💖💕 in both the mcu and 616. and, like. avengers assemble. there is just something so.. [chefs kiss] about someone who has suffered So Much and still strives to just be a really good fucking person. i could write a whole essay on this mf. i love him a lot

honorable mentions: peter parker (SUCH a close second, not mcu because Yikes but aaaa 616 peter my beloved), peggy carter, miles morales, natasha romanoff

3. arthur ?????

i have seen inception an unspeakable amount of times and the most interesting thing is the Crumbs of information we have about all of the characters. he’s resourceful, he’s competent, he’s a great dresser. 10/10 don’t know anyone else who could take down a hotel full of men in a three piece suit with spontaneous changes in gravity. like godDAMN that’s attractive.

honorable mentions: i mean. there are only 7 total characters so, like.. eames i guess??

4. minerva mcgonagall — harry potter

oh MAN she was the Original bamf. screamed every time she came onscreen/on the page because i knew shit was about to go down. the only unproblematic character, and the only one fandom hasn’t absolutely Ruined. an accidental gem in the series, there’s no way joanne knew what she was doing here

honorable mentions: luna lovegood, neville longbottom, remus lupin

5. magnus bane — shadowhunters (TV)

okay so i just watched this series and good GOD it was so much better than the books. i felt like in the books magnus was always sidelined but the show really let him shine in all his warlock glory. absurdly powerful + very nice blazers + kickass eyeliner + amazing jewelry + cat dad + disgustingly kind + adopts various individuals as children as he goes through life because 💖💕💓💗found family💕💓💗💘. bisexual poc king. fucking love him, 17,000 exes and all.

honorable mentions: alec lightwood, izzy lightwood, raphael santiago

6. jared dunn — silicon valley

if you haven’t watched this show i would actually recommend it. it’s impressive. but jared is, by far, one of the FUNNIEST characters i have ever experienced in my whole life. the only reason he isn’t #1 on this list is because i feel a duty to everyone ^^ up there, but jared is. GOD. physical depiction of “perfectly pleasant and put together until he goes APESHIT”

honorable mentions: gilfoyle, bighead

7. crowley — good omens

true chaotic neutral at its finest. a bastard of a man, who Tries To Be Good Anyways. sad and pining. mortals believe he’s mafia, which is fucking hysterical to me. SINCE I STARTED THIS I FOUND OUT WE ARE GETTING A GOOD OMENS S2???? RISE TF UP

honorable mentions: aziraphale, anathema device

8. mazikeen — lucifer

she’s just.. uhhhh. she’s SO…… G O D. no words except that she’s the only reason i got through the 2nd season. so happy that she finally got a gf ❤️ she absolutely deserves it

honorable mentions: ella, trixie

9. toph beifong — avatar

absolute fucking legend. blind and kicked ass 24/7. this is my daughter and i love her very much. also apparently i’m an earthbender???? not too sure abt that one tho

honorable mentions: sokka, katara

10. alaric saltzman — the vampire diaries

okay couldn’t put a gif for this one bc of the tumblr limit but vampire hunter sticks around and acquires a vampire bro and a vampire daughter and trains a vampire hunter son and then acquires a vampire coparent to his 2 biological witch daughters… fantastic trope. i feel bad for him because his wives keep dying but he was a GIFT in the vampire diaries, no one did it like him

honorable mentions: bonnie bennett

tags: @attempted--eloquence @frustrateddumbbar @thecenturiestrickle @rohesiawrites @ttp5000 @cordelia---rose @songbvrd @li0nh34rt @edge0fmydesiree @lucilucialu

[stylesthebrave]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation

thank you to Miia @larrydoinglaundry and Stef @solvetheminourdreams for tagging me ❤️ I finally finished writing the scene i told myself I’d get done today, so here we are :)

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 5

2. Word count posted for the year: 148,875 

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction ;)

4. Pairings: Harry Styles/ Louis Tomlinson

5. Stories with the most:

-Kudos: never doubt i love

-Bookmarks: never doubt i love

-Comments: never doubt i love

More under the cut <3

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): 

the stars are smiling, definitely. Because I struggled with it so much and had to ask for an extension for the fest and it took a lot of time and rewriting to get it to where it is. But I did it, somehow, and I love how it turned out, and the love I’ve received for it has been unexplainable.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

Uhmm… maybe… I dont knowww. I cant choose a least favorite okok. Probably falling in love (with you).

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

ooh. this is a hard one. 

is it bad to say anyone who has ever said that one of my fics made them cry? idk, I just feel like it takes depth to make someone cry, especially with fanfic, so I always take that as a compliment. 

I also vividly remember this being the very first long-ish comment that I ever got, so this one might not be a favorite but it meant a lot to me this year:

Ahhhh where do I start? There are so many things I loved about this fic. I love the pace, the setting and the characters. I loved the way HL complemented each other but yet they fit in. I loved the lil Ziam side plot and I loved the way you presented H's marriage. This is such a good fic. It's got everything I love: teacher Louis, footie Louis, good family and friends dynamic, a good back story, solid arguments and just the perfect amount of angst. It's like you read my mind or something.

Loved it so much! Can't wait to read more from you.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: 

oof. you mean other than all of the time?

This summer, I think. I was really busy over the summer which wasn’t really a bad thing but it did limit the time I had to write which wasn’t fun. 

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I definitely didn’t expect to write a vampire fic this year. So... the entirety of Thrill You Tonight, lmao.

11. A favorite excerpt from your writing:

Ooh.

I actually still really like the scene in the summary of NDIL, but since the summary is the end of this scene, I’ll give you the part right before it:

“Can I ask you something?”

Harry moves closer. “Anything.”

“How - um,” Louis stops, taking a breath and composing himself for second. “How were you so sure? Like, after the… the divorce, how were you sure that you might want to see someone again?” Harry tenses as Louis adds, “Why aren’t you scared that it’ll end the same way?”

The ringing in Louis’ ears returns as Harry’s chest rises and falls with slow breaths, clearly trying to think of something to say. His own fists are clenching and releasing in anticipation, and the longer the silence goes on, the more anxious he becomes, unable to focus on anything other than the man in front of him.

When Harry finally responds, Louis’ breath noticeably hitches.

“I am scared,” Harry says calmly. “For sure. Relationships are… you’re right, they’re scary. Love is scary.” He takes a deep breath. “It’s dangerous. Risky. But… it’s brave, and it’s life. That’s what makes us human. We just have to trust that things might turn out okay, and if they don’t, then we have the power to pick ourselves back up again.” He swallows, fiddling with the hem of his jumper, and his voice is strangled when he says, “And I know that this time, it’ll be on my timetable, and that I’m not going to let anyone tell me how to live my life. You know who made me realize that?”

Louis stops breathing when he whispers, “Me?” and Harry nods to confirm, humming. “Does that mean…” he starts, pausing to rephrase. “Are you saying I’m not human? Because I’ve never trusted that things might be okay?”

“No,” Harry answers definitively. “I’m saying that you’re afraid of living. Life isn’t life without the good moments and the bad moments. If you’re always running away from the bad moments, then you aren’t living.”

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

Hm. I think this year I learned how to have more patience with myself. I learned that the best work doesn’t always come in the first draft and that reworking characters and rewriting scenes does not mean that my writing isn’t good or that the finished product will be as messy.

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

I…. Hope I continue to write all year long. That isn’t really “growing” but there were definitely times this year where i went months without writing, and i could tell that it took a toll on my overall creativity.

14. Who has been your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

All the friends I’ve made! I cannot possibly choose one, but @larrydoinglaundry has been the best person ever to talk to, both inside and outside of fandom and fanfic❤️ And of course @princelyharry who always inspires me to keep writing. Crazy to think I met both of you this year, and pixie only a couple months ago.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Gonna steal stef’s answer for this one:

hahahahah

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers?

This is not really wisdom but it is something that Miia and I talked about a lot this year:

just write! This is fanfiction; it doesn’t need to be perfect! I know it can be hard to go easy on ourselves but once in a while I think everyone could use the reminder that we do this in our free time, for free, for ourselves to have a creative outlet. Write good things, write bad things, write short things and long things, write whatever the fuck you want because at the end of that day, it’s for you and no one else.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Ofc Pixie and I’s two fics, a Valentine’s Day fic (or two) and some other fun things that I’ll keep a secret for now ;)

18. Tag someone who’s answers you’d like to read:

Have no clue who has done this and who hasnt but I love reading these so:

@princelyharry @neondiamond @larry-hiatus @dontworrylouis @hershelsue @beelou @narrylover @pirouettefrappelatte @thebreadvansstuff @parmahamlarrie @cowboylarries @greenblueish @larryyouknow