#i’d do it myself but i have zero energy these days

[shesmyscar]

i need a fic where tonight’s trial is a non-magical au where agatha’s having her first sleepover as a teen and similarish events happen (obvi mom isn’t a ghost) and she gets comforted by everyone because i want my heart BROKEN MORE

[simplyraeblue]

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ALL CHARACTERS AGED UP !femreader x !virginshoto you've had a crush on your friend shoto for a long time, and unbeknownst to you he's been crushing as well. not only that, he wants you to be his first time; for everything WARNINGS/TAGS: swearing, fluff, suggestive, shoto is kind of a simp word count: 2,707 A/N: oopsy daisy real quick short post because I couldn't help myself and the idea of sweet shoto wouldn't leave my brain... little cutesy filler part before they hit home base (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧ also I was listening to The Archer x Not Strong Enough while writing this... linked here if you want to listen while you read!

part one | part two | part three |

part four | part five

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you were desperate to ignore the incessant barrage of notifications from Mina. just moments ago, you had dragged yourself off your feet, finally collapsing onto the couch after a grueling day. the minute you sank into the cushions, your phone erupted with a flood of calls and text messages. exhaustion weighed on you heavily, and each buzz and ping felt like an assault on your already depleted energy. it wasn’t until the hundredth call that you finally gave in and answered.

“what do you want, Mina? I’m absolutely wiped out,” you groaned, trying to inject a note of humor into your voice despite how drained you felt.

Mina’s voice came through the receiver with an overly enthusiastic tone, almost too cheerful for your weary brain to handle. “get dressed up; we’re going to a fancy restaurant!”

you sighed heavily, rubbing your eyes in frustration. “did you not just hear me say I’m exhausted? I have zero energy left, and honestly, I’d rather not spend any more money right now.”

Mina’s response was an impatient tsk, filled with exasperation. “I don’t care how tired you are or what you want. put on something fancy and forget about the cost. be ready by seven-thirty, or I’m coming over there to drag you out myself.”

you wanted to argue more, but the stubborn resolve in Mina's voice told you this was a battle you wouldn’t win. plus, deep down, you knew she was right. maybe a change of scenery and some good company was exactly what you needed to recharge. with a resigned sigh, you checked the time on your phone—it was already past six.

“fine, fine. I’ll be ready,” you grumbled, hoping your tone conveyed the minimal enthusiasm you felt.

“great!” Mina replied with an exaggerated cheerfulness. “see you soon!”

you hung up and stared at your reflection in the darkened screen of your phone. despite your fatigue, you found a sliver of motivation. you stood up, stretched, and began to rummage through your closet. picking out a sleek dress and a pair of heels that hadn’t seen the light of day in months, you couldn’t help but feel a small spark of excitement. maybe this would be a good distraction after all.

as you prepared yourself, you tried to push aside the lingering thoughts of your long day. you opted for minimal makeup and a quick hairstyle, focusing on just enough to look presentable without draining what little energy you had left. by the time you checked the clock again, it was nearly seven-thirty.

just as you were about to head out the door, you heard an unexpected knock. you’d assumed Mina would just text you the address and meet you there. curious and a bit puzzled, you opened the door and started to say, “Mina, I promise I’m ready—”

but it wasn’t Mina standing there. instead, Shoto was at your doorstep, impeccably dressed in a sharp black suit. he held a bouquet of flowers, the rich colors and delicate petals contrasting with his formal attire.

“apologies for letting mina trick you,” Shoto said, his voice gentle and warm as he offered you a reassuring smile. “I wanted this to be a surprise.”

“Shoto, what’s going on?” you asked, your confusion mingling with a touch of excitement as you accepted the flowers, your cheeks flushing at the unexpected and thoughtful gesture.

“I’m taking you on a proper date,” Shoto replied, his eyes meeting yours with a sincerity that made your heart skip a beat. he extended his arm toward you, a subtle invitation. “I figured it was about time, especially considering the… less conventional things we’ve been up to.”

you stared at Shoto for a moment, your mind racing to process what was happening. the bouquet in your hands felt surprisingly heavy, its fragrance filling the air with a sweetness that contrasted with the formal setting.

“a proper date?” you echoed, trying to reconcile this unexpected turn of events with the casual plans you had made with mina.

“yes,” Shoto affirmed, his tone steady and sincere. “I wanted to do something special, something more meaningful. and mina kindly agreed to help with the surprise.”

you took a deep breath, a mix of nervousness and excitement bubbling up inside you. “this is… really unexpected. but also, kind of amazing.”

Shoto’s smile widened, and he gently took your hand, guiding you out the door. “I’m glad you think so. I’ve been looking forward to this. let’s make it a night to remember.”

as you walked down the stairs and into the cool evening air, you glanced back at your apartment, feeling a mix of disbelief and anticipation. Shoto’s presence was reassuring, his calm demeanor helping to ease your lingering fatigue. he led you to a sleek, black car parked by the curb, its polished surface reflecting the city lights.

“where are we going?” you asked as he opened the car door for you, his touch lingering just a moment longer than necessary.

“it’s a surprise,” he said with a playful glint in his eye. “but trust me, it’ll be worth it.”

you settled into the plush leather seat, watching as Shoto got in beside you and started the engine. the car glided smoothly through the city streets, and you found yourself enjoying the rare luxury of simply being present in the moment.

Shoto made small talk as he drove, his voice soothing and easy to listen to. he talked about the restaurant he had chosen, the dishes they were famous for, and the ambiance he hoped you would appreciate. the conversation flowed effortlessly, and you could feel the genuine interest and care behind his words.

when you finally arrived at the restaurant, it was even more beautiful than you had imagined. the elegant exterior was bathed in soft, warm light, and the interior exuded an atmosphere of refined sophistication. Shoto guided you inside, where you were greeted by a host and shown to a private table with a stunning view of the city skyline.

“Shoto, this is insane,” you gasped, your voice barely above a whisper as you gazed out the window. the city below sparkled like a sea of stars, the lights stretching out as far as the eye could see. the extent of it all hit you suddenly, making you acutely aware of just how much effort and expense this must have entailed. “you didn’t have to go all out like this. I would’ve been perfectly happy with something more… quaint.”

Shoto extended his hand across the table, his touch gentle yet reassuring as he clasped yours. his smile was soft and genuine, a look of quiet pride in his eyes. “I wanted to do this. for you.”

throughout the evening, Shoto’s attentiveness and thoughtfulness made you feel cherished and valued. the meal was exquisite, each course a culinary delight, and the conversation never faltered. as the night progressed, you realized that Shoto’s surprise was not just about the setting or the food but about the effort he had put into making this night special for you.

by the end of the evening, as you sat back and savored the last of your dessert, you felt a deep sense of contentment. Shoto reached across the table, taking your hand in his once more.

“there’s actually another reason I planned this night with you, y/n,” Shoto said, his voice a bit hesitant. he lifted your hand gently, pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles. as he pulled away, you noticed a faint pink hue spreading across his cheeks, a blush that made him even more endearing.

“okay, now you’re gonna make me worry,” you joked lightly, trying to ease the tension with a playful laugh. but his nervous gulp made your own anxiety spike, and a flutter of unease began to settle in your stomach.

“I… shit, I don’t know how to put this,” Shoto murmured, his gaze dropping to the floor as he struggled to find the right words. he turned his eyes to the sprawling cityscape outside, and you felt a pang of anxiety, your heart racing in your chest. “I care about you, quite a lot.”

“I care a lot about you too, Sho,” you responded softly, hoping to reassure him. his eyes met yours again, filled with a mix of vulnerability and hope.

“I’m sure this might feel very sudden, and maybe a tad rushed,” Shoto continued, his voice trembling slightly. he squeezed your hand with a tenderness that sent butterflies fluttering in your stomach. “but, after all these years of having a crush on you, and the past few weeks of growing closer, I think… no, I know I’m falling in love with you, y/n.”

the room seemed to hold its breath as Shoto’s words hung in the air. you could feel the weight of his confession pressing gently against your heart, and the enormity of the moment made your mind swirl with a mix of emotions.

for a moment, you were silent, processing the depth of what he had just shared. Shoto’s fingers still rested lightly around yours, his gaze searching yours with a blend of hope and trepidation.

“I… wow,” you finally said, your voice soft and trembling with emotion. “I had no idea you felt this way.”

Shoto’s cheeks reddened further, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I didn’t want to rush things or make you feel pressured. I just needed you to know how I really feel.”

you took a deep breath, feeling a surge of warmth and affection for him. the realization that he had been holding these feelings for so long, and that he had chosen this special evening to reveal them, made your heart swell.

“I’ve been feeling the same way,” you confessed, your voice gaining strength. “I didn’t know how to say it either, but I’ve been falling for you too, Shoto.”

a look of pure relief and joy spread across his face, and he squeezed your hand once more, his eyes sparkling. “really? you mean that?”

“yes,” you nodded, smiling through the tears that had formed in your eyes. “I mean it. I’ve been feeling this way for a while, but I didn’t want to rush things either.”

Shoto’s expression softened into a tender smile, and he leaned forward, his forehead resting gently against yours. “I’m so glad we’re on the same page,” he murmured. “I want to take things at a pace that feels right for both of us. I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me.”

you closed your eyes, savoring the closeness and the sincerity of the moment. “I want that too,” you whispered, your heart full of hope and happiness. “let’s see where this takes us.”

as you both leaned across the table, your lips yearning to mold against his, Shoto suddenly smirked and broke the moment. “hopefully to home base,” he joked, the playful glint in his eyes causing you to snort with laughter. his smirk widened as he heard your reaction, and he leaned back in his chair, letting out a hearty laugh that was both infectious and endearing.

as Shoto continued laughing, you felt a wave of boldness and excitement. standing up from your chair, you made your way around the table, feeling a sense of exhilaration that made you disregard the curious glances from other diners. with a determined stride, you leaned in close to his ear, your breath warm and tickling his skin. “let’s take this special evening home, shall we?” you whispered, and you could almost sense the shiver of anticipation that ran through his body.

Shoto’s reaction was immediate—his face flushed with a deep, embarrassed pink. this wasn’t the end goal for him tonight, not by any measure. he wanted you to understand that his confession was heartfelt and sincere, and he hoped you knew that it wasn’t just a pretext to move things forward physically.

“I—seriously?” Shoto asked, his voice dropping to a low, almost incredulous murmur. you could see the nervousness flickering in his eyes, and it only made you more determined. reaching out, you offered him your hand with a reassuring smile, trying to convey your genuine affection and support.

“unless you don’t want to make a home run?” you teased, raising an eyebrow playfully. Shoto’s reaction was immediate and comical—he stood up from his chair with such urgency that he almost knocked it over. “wow there, eager are we?” you laughed, watching as he fumbled slightly, trying to regain his composure.

“if you keep teasing me, we’re not making it back to your apartment,” Shoto groaned, his voice tinged with frustration and amusement. he pulled you gently towards him, placing a tender kiss on your cheek. as he lingered there for a moment, you could feel the warmth of his breath against your skin, making your heart race. “I’d hate to have to take you in my car,” he added with a playful edge, clearly struggling to keep his own excitement in check.

his warning tease almost came true, because when you two made it to the car he nudged you against the side of the vehicle, letting his hands roam a little too much for the public as he kissed you fervently.

you would’ve let him take you in the car, white hot desire burning inside of you so quickly that you felt like you’d die if you didn’t have him on top of you.

even when you made it back to your apartment, you both barely made it in the door as he started pawing at your dress. Shoto had to restrain himself from ripping the tight fabric that fit so well around your ass, thinking he needed to try and remain as gentlemanly as possible.

you became a tangle of limbs as his lips met yours, hungry and needy, the two of you stumbling your bedroom. you guided him to sit on the edge of the bed before you started to work on the buttons of his shirt, sliding it over his shoulders and discarding it on the floor.

Shoto could only watch in awe as you stepped back, slowly working on the zipper of your dress (thank god you chose one with a side zipper), before letting it drop to the ground.

“you’re so beautiful, y/n,” Shoto whispered, his voice barely more than a breath. his gaze remained locked on yours, though he clearly wanted to let his eyes wander over your now exposed skin. he had seen you like this before, sure, but it never failed to take his breath away, each time more intense than the last.

you settled yourself on his lap, your body fitting comfortably against his. a soft, tender smile played on your lips as you leaned in to place a gentle kiss on his mouth. “you make me breathless, Sho,” you murmured, your lips brushing against his as you spoke. “absolutely, and utterly, starstruck.”

Shoto’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment, savoring the kiss before pulling away slightly. his gaze was dreamy, half-lidded with a wide, affectionate grin spreading across his face. “will you be mine?” he asked, his voice filled with earnest desire. “call me your boyfriend, and I’ll call you my girlfriend. we’ll make our friends sick with pda, go on dates all the time, and I promise I’ll treat you like a princess. we can cook together, sleep together, do everything you want to do. I’ll follow you, I’d follow you anywhere.”

your heart swelled with emotion at his heartfelt words. overwhelmed by the depth of his promise, you kissed him deeply, pouring all your passion into the embrace. the kiss was intense, a shared declaration of the love and commitment you both felt. “that sounds perfect to me, boyfriend,” you whispered, the term feeling both exhilarating and right as it fell from your lips.

the moment you said the words, shoto’s arms wrapped around you tightly and flipped the two of you so that you laid bare underneath him.

“can I make love to you, girlfriend?” Shoto’s face was pink with lust and emotions, and his gaze was filled with a deep desire that made you feel like the only girl in the world.

“yes, Shoto.”

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Link to Bakugo x reader here

(word count: 2,328)

Link to Kirishima x reader here

(word count: 902)

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ taglist: @ellielover69 thank you so much for all your support! if you'd like to be added to the taglist send a request in my inbox! ◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

[bambi-slxt]

🤍𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 ~ 𝐩𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞🤍

𝕔𝕙𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕡𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕤𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕠𝕝𝕠 𝕩 𝕗𝕖𝕞

word count: 1.6k

genres/tropes: second chance, romance, lovers to strangers to...?

warnings: smut, gaslighting, dumbification, slight degredation if you squint, nothing super hardcore.

pt one , pt two

Chris stood above me now - that was new. I’d watched him grow over the years, of course, but we hadn't been this physically close in ages, and now I tilted my head upwards to meet his gaze. I felt small and charged with anxious energy. His hands felt tougher than I remembered, though not unpleasant. His chest…god, his chest. It radiated warmth and all I wanted to do was sink into him like the old days and- 

“You okay?”

His soft drawl gathered all my senses and attention back to him–Chris had a way of doing that, zeroing my focus to a singular point (usually him). I realized my thumbs were gliding slowly across the back of his hands.

“Yeah,” I replied, taking the traitorous appendages and shoving them behind me so as not to cause any more trouble. “Yeah, I’m good.” I stepped away from him and into the room I used to call home. 

His bed, unmade like always, but this time with new sheets - “Mm…blue,” I commented, sinking into the mattress, “how original.”

Chris cocked his brow. “That's me. Mister Original.”

“Hey, um…” I pulled my feet up under myself, crossing my legs and trying desperately to ground my heart to my body, as currently she attempted unmanned flight. “You said you needed me? Are you okay?”

He sighed, crossing the room to settle in his gaming chair. Flakes of faux leather coating fluttered to the ground - Chris had owned that chair longer than he’d known me. 

I looked to his eyes, shaking a feathering of my hair from my field of vision. “Chris?”

“I jus’...couldn’t do it. Anymore.” He wouldn’t look at me. I waited in the quiet - I didn’t even have to try to stop breathing. “The whole, you know…not talking thing.”

I nodded. “I missed you too.” Tears stung my eyes. Don’t cry. Don’t you dare cry.

Chris’s monitor glowed faintly, the LEDs behind it pulsing color like a heartbeat. “Come here, ma,” he murmured, his voice warm and soft.

I untangled my limbs, slipped off the bed, and walked towards him carefully, as if he would disappear at any moment. Chris parted his knees for me while his hands, large and gentle, settled on my waist. The touch stopped me and there I stood before him, holding his wrists like I couldn’t choose whether to make him release me or guide his hands elsewhere. “I’m here,” I said quietly. Chris sat forward and dipped his head to my stomach, pressing his shower-fluffed hair against my top–I couldn’t help but card my fingers through his hair. It all felt so natural, like I was made with singular purpose and this was it. “I’m here.”

His arms snaked my waist and, once met and entangled behind my back, rested on my hips. “Come here,” he said again, tugging me down. His lap.

My heart tripped over itself. I turned and landed on his thigh while my hands flew to his chest. “Chris!”

He grinned and I felt his breath wash over my exposed chest. Should have worn a t-shirt. Goosebumps peppered my skin as I wrapped my arms around his neck, purely to stabilize myself. 

“Hi, kid.”

“...Hey.”

“How are you?”

What the actual f- “Good.”

“Good.”

“How are you?”

Chris looked me up and down. “Pretty great, honestly.”

“Shut up,” I snorted, pushing away from him and standing once more. “Why did you…call me, to talk to me again? Did you really miss me that badly?” I asked sardonically, pacing to the far end of his room.

“Yes,” he said simply, elbows on his knees as he looked at me.

“Then why not earlier, Chris?” My chest began to clench. “Why not on my birthday, or when Nana died, or when I ended up in the hospital, or-”

“Hey.”

“You could have called me at any point in the past year when I might have needed you, and the first time I hear from you is late at night because you miss me?”

“You know that I-”

“I know that you stopped caring about me,” I hissed, my words tumbling out almost faster than I could think of them, “And I know that you still don’t.” 

Silence.

And then came the crying. My knees gave out and I fell into his bed, biting my lip until I drew blood to keep those fucking tears at bay. They fell undeterred as my body hiccuped for air, chest constricting to push out the pain of my heart and flinging itself wide open to suck the oxygen from the room. 

“Fuck,” I heard him mutter, and he began to move, to do something, what it was I didn’t know, didn’t care, I just wanted this to be over, over, over…

The mattress sank to the side of me. Chris was there. “G-go away,” I sniffled, knowing I would be laughing at the absurdity of it all if I didn’t feel so…

“No.” Chris’s body pressed against me and in the dark room his hand found mine, balled up underneath my neck. He held my fists, running his thumb over the ridges of my knuckles. “Please don’t cry,” he murmured, “Please don’t cry.”

“F-fuck-ck you,” I said. I didn’t move.

He chuckled, shifting to let his other arm free. “Someone’s feisty.” I felt his fingers on my scalp, felt them find their old, familiar rhythm, felt them trace the cowlick on the side of my head, felt them tunnel under swaths of hair. 

“You make-hic-me feel lik-ke s-shit,” I stuttered, wrapping my hand around one of his fingers. 

“I’m sor-ry, ba-by,” Chris whispered slowly, as if to let each syllable sink into my shoulder skin. “I don’t mean to.”

“I…m-missed-d you.”

He sighed softly, flexing his arm around me tighter. “Yeah?”

“Yeah-hic.��

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry, babygirl.”

My eyes stung and my head pounded from the pain of crying. “Make-make it-t st-stop, please…”

“Make it stop?” he hummed.

“I d-don’t wanna c…cry anymore,” I said, holding tightly to him. His skin turned white under my grip.

Chris shifted and the mattress dipped further under his weight. “Look at me, baby.”

“No.”

He chuckled. “Come on,” Chris said, guiding my chin gently upwards with his knuckle, “Lemme see those pretty eyes.”

“But I’m crying.” I sniffled, trying to dry my eyes. I felt the remaining tears pooling on my cheeks, and I wondered briefly if my irises sparkled.

“I know. Don’t cry, baby, please,” he murmured earnestly, using his thumbs to pull the tears from my face, reaching back to tug a discarded tank top up to my nose to wipe the snot away, “It’ll break my heart. You know I can’t handle that.” Chris grinned, a little sheepishly, as though trying to coax a smile out of me.

And fuck me but it worked. “Shut up. You’re so stupid.” I shook my head, lips involuntarily pulled into the smile he wanted to see, and tugged my face from his hands, but…I held eye contact with Chris anyway. 

His smile never wavered, and I couldn't help but mirror his expression when he said, “I know.” 

We sat like that for a while, but whether hours or seconds passed wasn’t for me to know. Thoughts filled the cosmos of my mind - what-if’s, the consequences of different actions, the weight and magnitude that accompanied my next movement, whatever that might be. It felt like my higher mind gave up control of the body it inhabited and passed the diadem of leadership to the instincts, base and animalistic, that lived at the back of my skull. I stared into Christopher’s icy blue eyes and a galaxy of sin swirled behind my own watery irises. 

I wanted him to need me.

I needed him to want me.

My chest rose, lungs filling with air because of him. My heart thumped, swelling and contracting because Chris sat in front of me. My neurons whispered across the matter of my brain because he asked them to. I wet my lips. 

He broke our eye contact and fixed his gaze on my mouth. A splintered second of time, everything from supernovas to quarks coming to a halt.

Should we?

We’ll never know if we don’t.

Kiss me.

“Come here.”

Chris’s hand came up to my cheek–or did mine reach for his?–and our lips molded together…just like they were always meant to.

The spinning elliptical of stars in my mind exploded into a flurry of light and sound and color and my ribcage squeezed around my heart and lungs and my breath turned to panting and Chris’s other hand held the ridge of skin just above my hip and I gripped his shirt to pull him into me. If I could have opened my body I would have, if only to give him somewhere to rest.

He pushed me onto the bed, slowly, keeping my body from falling, always in contact with his own, don’t go anywhere, stay with me, I’m right here, don’t leave this bed until the universe dies…

“Let me…” Chris mumbled against my lips, his voice rumbling through my teeth and gums and tongue and soul.

“Let you what?” I whispered back as my hand spanned his shoulder blade and pulled him impossibly, painfully, desperately closer.

“I want to love you.” His grip on my body was tight, tensed with apologies, full of regret and longing.

“Love me then.”

“Please.” Chris sucked in my bottom lip and tongued the puffy ridge.

“Love me.”

“Let me take care of you.” Swiping his tongue into my mouth, Chris ran the tip over my own, groaning somewhere from deep in his stomach.

“Take care of me.” He tore his mouth from mine and sunk his teeth into my neck, marring my skin as a mewl echoed out of my throat. “More,” I whimpered. Chris’s fingers dug into my skin, and I arched my hips into his own. “More.” His arms flexed around my body. I would bruise in the morning, if the sun ever rose again. But here, in the dark, bruises were just shadows. “More.”

bambi's notes: hi! hope you like it! i'm working on other stuff for you guys - you gotta know how much i enjoy writing for you and knowing that my fics are even a small part of your day, it really is so special to me. drink your water and eat a snack!!!!

tags: @pinksturniolo @st7rnioioss @cindylcuwho @slutsformatt @st7rnioioss @slutsformatt

[dawnofh]

141 dealing with a rookie who ‘accidentally’ committed insubordination against their Sergeant [Headcannon]

Price

Just run for you life, leave the military, change your name and live in Antarctica.

This man has zero tolerance when it comes to insubordination. Will knock on your door softly and ask you to meet him in his office.

“I’d like to ask about today’s field mission. The one your Sergeant was in charge of.”

Starts off calm, too calm, creepily calm. All the while he has this smile on his face. This calm smile.

Asks you for a very detailed explanation and can stop you at any time to ask, “So what did you do?”

He’ll take a breather, inhaling sharply. Maybe lighting a cigar to calm down before he slams his hand on his desk.

The yelling will begin while Price fights the urge to smack the shit out of you.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you, Private. Did you or did you not go against direct orders?” “Sir, please-“ “I ASKED A QUESTION. I EXPECT AN ANSWER.”

Might have to fight back tears and an trembling lip if you’re a crier. You better not cry.

He’ll do that parent thing. “Can you tell what the orders were? Okay….So why did you go against them? … Well, what have we learnt today, Private? …Yes that’s very good and what will you do next time this happens?….Excellent.”

Might come off as condescending if he’s really pissed.

If it’s your first offence he’ll let you off with a light slap on the wrist by making you write lines ‘I will never disobey my superiors again’ type of energy and expect to write a 1000 worded apology note to your Sergeant.

If it’s your second offence, be prepared for physical labour. You’re on clean up duty for 5 months.

There is no third offence. Never.

Price’s anger only lasts 2 weeks, he forgives and forgets. Will treat you normally how he would any other day. Just never let it happen again.

“If this occurs once more then I will break your goddamn teeth so you won’t have a fucking cheek with your superiors anymore. Do I make myself clear, Muppet?” “Crystal clear, Sir.”

Ghost

*Stare intensifies*

Will lean on the wall during practice, watch you until you notice him, points to you and then uses his thumb to point at the door, “Outside. Now.”

You probably got snitched on by your superior, they could’ve snitched to anyone but thanks to your dumb luck they snitched on you to Ghost. Fucking tattletale.

Asked for your explanation first, he usually takes the sides of the rookies first. He knows that higher ups can take advantage of the newbies and lower rankings.

You really try to leave out details, “And then the car exploded.” “How did it explode?” “I’m not sure, Sir, but it exploded somehow. It could’ve been the Russians…?” “Private, your mission was in Japan. There were no Russians.”

You may or may not have said a couple of other things to your Sergeant before and after the mission…and yesterday…and a second ago before you were training.

You try to play innocent and pretend this is your first offence because truth be told you where petrified of Ghost and the skull mask didn’t make things better for you.

Depending on Ghost’s mood he might just be understanding and say he use to behave the same when he was a rookie, “Wait, you also punched your Sergeant in the face?” “You punched your Sergeant in the face?”

Will reprimand you, not as bad as Price will but enough to make sure this never happens again.

If he yelled at you, you may or may not cry. Don’t cry in front of Ghost either. He doesn’t like crying children, especially crying rookies. Might actually give you something to cry about.

He’ll make sure your Sergeant keeps tabs on your behaviour and if you so much as act up in the slightest, you’re getting snitched on again.

Ghost puts you in your place by doing that parent finger pointing thing every time he catches you lacking.

“You’re on thin ice with me.”

Soap

“Did you really say that to him?“ “Yes, Sir.” “It’s okay I would’ve done it too.”

100% supportive, he’s number 1 when it comes to insubordination.

Is playful with his scolding, practically puts on a show to make whoever you insulted feel better, “I’ll make you wash the windows of the jet with a spatula. Now behave, okay? Go touch some grass.”

Like Ghost, he takes the sides of the rookies and lower ranks first. He’s had his fair share of abuse of power when he was young.

Commits insubordination against Ghost religiously.

If your insubordination got others hurt he’ll be tough on you. But other than that he honestly doesn’t care.

He sees a lot of himself in you.

If he does yell at you you’d stare at him blankly, “Speak English, Soap.”

If it’s insubordination to him he’ll be salty about it. Asks Ghost to deal with you.

Soap wouldn’t mind getting back at your Sergeant if the offence was justified, both of you would scheme about it. In the end you both simply douse the Sergeant in syrup and leaves.

“We make a pretty good team. Let’s do this more often.”

Gaz

Let’s it slide. He’s committed a shit load of insubordination offences against Price and somehow gets away with it.

Probably gets into trouble because he didn’t correct your behaviour.

“Alright, Solider. There’s a time and place for everything…now is not the time nor place.” He speaks to you like an older brother would.

Is actually calm when he speaks and remains calm until the very end unlike Price. Very good at deescalating situations and talking people down.

Has to now convince your Sergeant not to murder you in cold blood.

“I’m going to need you to explain what happened with you and your Sergeant last week.” “Wouldn’t you like to know, Weather boy.”

You might just make him throw hands.

Don’t worry though, he’ll make the next two weeks hell for you and if that doesn’t solve your attitude problem then expect to repeat the entire training process to become an SAS solider again.

Gaz will respectfully put you back into place.

“You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes. I hope this will be a lesson to you, Rook.”

[brightstarofnoct]

what do you think of your classmates sirius : D ?

JIU ( @severedscales ): He’s fascinating, in a way. So studious, so monotonous. He seems to act strange in front of that Kioku girl. I think it’s a little bit funny how we almost wear our hair similarly. Would it be weird if I said I wanted to dissect him?

KIOKU (same as above): Very forgetful. I want to know why… but I can’t just go up to someone and ask, “Why is your memory horrible?” She’s so friendly. She reminds me of sunflowers. I might give her one some day.

NENE: Her brightness is very blinding, it’s a little bit annoying. She’s always writing letters. Either that, or she’s pining over some girl like a loser. I deliver her work sometimes. I try not to think about her, really.

XAEL: He doesn’t like me. It’s fun to mess with him.

NUMA: Arguably one of the most interesting in ANAKT Garden. He has such a warm feeling about him… it’s not overwhelming, or bad. He’s always so nice. He has so much energy, he loves sports, but he’s not a sore loser. He’s even willing to teach others how to play with him. I worry for him sometimes when I notice he spends too long in the bathroom and comes out looking rather pale. I see it normally happens right after lunch, if he eats. He usually skips it. It’s so odd to me how much energy he has even if I almost never see him eat. I want to know everything about him.

ZERO ( @myworld-collapsing ): Zero is like a shadow. I think their name is fitting. I don’t really see Zero, but I feel him around me. He’s obsessed with me. I don’t mind it, though. I think it’s cute. I like seeing his reactions.

ASAHI (same as above): I don’t believe in matchmaking. I often find myself annoyed with her for a reason I can’t describe.

DANTE ( @imperfectnothing ): I like him. He’s very helpful to me. I appreciate the company he brings. Dante himself doesn’t scare me, but… There’s something about the way he makes me feel. It’s different. That’s what’s scary. I don’t want to hurt him for loving me. I don’t know exactly what that means. I might tell him when I know what this feeling is.

MILL ( @waterydream ): Mill is like me. Mill and I share a lot of the same attributes. I don’t have to “pretend” with Mill. He told me I didn’t have to. That neither of us have to. But still, I wouldn’t call them a friend. Sometimes Mill does say things that seem a little bit targeted, though I wouldn’t call it annoying. I’d say we’re acquaintances at most.

TOKI ( @eventseraphim ): What a freak. It’s like he saw through my facade the moment we met. He likes bullying me as if it’s a joke. It doesn’t matter, though. He makes for an interesting friend. I will say that he is quite lucky I didn’t come to ANAKT for new test subjects…

INNAMORATI ( @alien-til-i-stage ): Very friendly. I don’t like it when he messes with me. I don’t want to show it and hurt his feelings, he seems fragile.

MACBETH (same as above): “To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time; and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” … Sorry. He’s named after a show I’ve read before and enjoyed, that’s all. I like Shakespeare. It’s interesting to me how humans used to talk… I think Macbeth is very well named. I wonder if he’s read the play…

YUME ( @sotogalmo ): So odd. I want to take Yume apart to see how what makes him tick. Is that so wrong?

YVONNE ( @aakaneeee ): Hm. She reminds me of vines. To be loved by her is to be trapped in a thorny embrace for all eternity…

ELIANA (same as above): I don’t know why Nene finds her interesting. Nene has such odd tastes…  At least Eliana is pretty.

YAEL ( @lookatmysillies ): He’s such an enabler. He doesn’t know what he’s doing to me, and I’d like to keep it that way. He doesn’t need to know anything I don’t need to tell him.

[justmeinadaze]

I'm In Control Part 23 (Steddie X You)

A/N: I bare you...the conclusion! I am more than happy to return to these three if I or y'all come up with ideas :)

Warnings: Daddy Steve and Sir Eddie and all that implies (I regret nothing!), Eddie gets spicy in this one. Him and the reader fight, Smut, angst, and fluff :)

Word Count: 3331

“Steve! Eddie! No!”

You try and stop them but they are on a mission, eyes dark with anger, and lost in that protective mindset as they charge into TJ’s office. 

“You can’t do this to her. She’s the best agent you have.”, Steve sternly points his index at the man. “If you need to fire anyone, fire us. She deserves to be here.”

“You’re right.”, TJ sighs. “You’re absolutely right but imagine being on the outside looking in? Can you three prove to me she didn’t give you priority roles? That anything within this past year was done purely off of profession and not just because she’s dating you?”

“You know she wouldn’t do that. You’ve known her longer than we have.”, Eddie defends. 

“And those concerns are just from the outside. Since you two have become her clients, you three disappeared constantly, you walked out of a shoot last week—”

“We told you about that immediately.”

“Tell me, Steve. If you hadn’t been dating Y/N, would you both have done the job?”

“No.” When he responded with zero hesitation, your heart swooned. “Cassie Leigh is a fucking terrible person.”

“Angel…”, TJ turns to you. “I know you. They are right about that but…this looks really bad from a professional standpoint.”

“I know…”

“Plus, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I was hurt you hid this from me.”

“I never expected this, TJ. I swear. It just—”

“I know. That’s why…”, he turns back to the boys. “She’s only suspended WITH pay. I need to think some things through and figure out what’s best.”

“If she goes, we go.”, Eddie announces as Steve nods. 

“No, they don’t.” They both angrily turn their heads towards you. “This company still has your best interest in mind. Just…stay until we get this sorted out, ok?”

###########

It had been two weeks since you were suspended and it was killing you. Not just because you missed the job but because you saw it torturing the guys to. They felt like this was their fault and constantly apologized every time they caught you zoning out or hiding your tears. 

Moving in with them helped ease some of that tension especially since now that they weren’t seeing you at work every day at least they got to come home to you. They hated the agent TJ assigned them. He was one of those cocky, slick types that felt like the world centered around them. To him they were just cash machines and pushed them towards any project that was sent his way without even discussing it with them. 

Thankfully, Luke’s show had started filming again so they were able to focus all their energy there when they weren’t focused on you. 

While you were browsing through job ads, you phone rang, giving you pause when you noticed the number. 

“Hey TJ.”

“Y/N, angel…we have a problem. Eddie got arrested on Luke’s set today.”

“He what?!”, you shouted as you got up searching for your shoes. “Where’s Steve?”

“He’s at the station in the process of bailing him out. I’m trying to talk Michael into not pressing charges… talk to them, Y/N. They are out of control.”

##############

“What the fuck happened?!” You scream at them as soon the enter the front door. Eddie ignores you as he swishes past to grab a beer from the fridge. Steve sighs as he watches him, folding his arms across his chest. 

“To be fair, I almost knocked the son of bitch out myself. Eddie just got there first.”

“Steve, don’t play games with me. What. HAPPENED?!”

“We went to Michael’s office today because he said he found us job. When he went into more detail, we… we told him it wasn’t something we would be comfortable with. He kept pushing so…”, he gestures to Eddie. 

“So, you punched him in the face because you didn’t agree with him?” The metalhead continues not to answer as he glares into the void and chugs down more of his beverage. “You both have had disagreements with me but you’ve never taken a swing at me.”

“This was different.”

“How, Steve?! How was it different?” You angrily turn towards Eddie. “And why are you letting him speak for you again?!”

You’d be lying if you didn’t say the eyes that met yours scared you a bit. “Get out of my face, Y/N. I’m not in the mood.”

Trying to regain your composure, you reached to caress his face but he swiftly grabbed your wrist and pushed you backwards, knocking you into Steve’s chest. The man’s arms swiftly shot out to catch you, looking down to make sure you were ok. 

When you saw Daddy reflecting back, you tried to reel him in and assure him. “Steve, no. It’s ok. I’m alright.” It was too late. All he saw was his baby girl that he needed to remind was safe. 

“Eddie, we don’t do that. Apologize to her. Now.”

The boy chuckled sarcastically under his breath as he rose to his feet and turned to face him. “Steven Harrington, you are not my Daddy. I do not belong to you and you do NOT tell me what to fucking do.”

“Eddie…”, you squeak. 

“Now YOU belong to me and as your Master, I’m telling you to shut your fucking mouth!”

“No. Right now, you are not my Master. My Sir is a confident, powerful, sexy man that I fell in love with. At this moment, all I see is an angry, pathetic little boy!”

“What the fuck did you just say to me, little girl?!”

As Eddie stepped forward so did Steve pushing you behind him. “No! We do NOT play when our emotions are heightened, right? Answer me, Ed!”

The metalhead glared between the two of you before reaching to grab his jacket. “Fuck you both.”, he spits as he heads out the front door.

##############

Eddie didn’t come home that night and it tore you apart. You knew he wasn’t thinking clearly and all you wanted was for him to be alright. After Steve told you the whole story, you decided to focus on something you could control as you sped to the agency. He tried to stop you but you were furious busting into TJ’s office with a loud bang as you slammed open the door.

“You said they were out of control. Did you know he tried to force them to do a shoot they were uncomfortable with?! They told him no but he signed them up anyway. TJ, they’ve stated numerous times, they don’t feel comfortable doing BDSM type work for the camera!”

“Y/N, listen to me—”

“No! You listen to me. This is unacceptable even if I wasn’t dating them and you know it. I’m not going to let anyone drag down their careers that they worked so hard for! There’s a reason they’ve gotten this far and it’s because they do what works for them. Michael should have trust their intuition and even if he didn’t, he had no right signing their names for a job!”

“He did what?! Y/N, I didn’t know that.”

“No, you didn’t because you are so focused on how people could possible view our relationship that you didn’t notice things that were actually happening…”, you sigh as you fold your arms over your chest. 

“That right there is why she’s a good agent.” You jump when you hear Steve’s behind you as he enters TJ’s office. “And it’s not because she’s fucking us or the fact that we are in love with her. She pays attention and actually fucking cares about the people she represents.” 

TJ sighs as he places his hands on his hips. “Angel, I’m not going to hire you back.” Your heart breaks as you nod and hang your head. “I’m not going to hire you back because you’re too good for this place.” He smiles when your eyes look up to find his. “I’ve taught you everything you know and then some. The rest is all you, babe. You deserve to run them and anyone else without a big boss hanging over you.”

You tackle him as your arms wrap around his neck. “Jesus Christ!”, he chuckles. “I’ll give you a month’s pay till you really get going. I’m not calling it severance because you’re not fired. You’re just…moving on to better things.”

##############

“Baby, stop.” Steve reaches over and places his hand over your knee that hadn’t stopped bouncing since you both got back home. 

“Steve, I can’t…I’m worried about him. What if he got hurt or something? This isn’t like him—”

The front door opened as Eddie slunk in, his hair hanging heavily over his face. You jumped up from the couch, running to him, and immediately wrapped your arms around his waist. His arms stayed at his sides as he remained stiff in your embrace. 

You pulled away, giving him a once over to make sure he wasn’t hurt before you abruptly reached out and shoved his chest. 

“Where the fuck have you been?! I have been worried sick! You didn’t come home last night! You won’t answer your phone! Talk to me, Eddie!”

Steve was standing off to side as he kept a careful eye on you both. You gently pushed his hair back so you could look at his face. His vacant eyes continued to stare past you into the floor. 

“Eddie?” He suddenly fell to his knees, pressing his face into your stomach as he began to cry. His fingers dug into your back as you hugged his head tightly to you. “Eddie, please. Talk to me.” You glanced at Steve, silently begging for help. 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

“Baby—”

“No!” He leans back as he looks up at you. “No, I’m so sorry. I…I…that fucking asshole pissed me off and then getting arrested…I wasn’t in the right place mentally. I never should have talked to you like that or pushed you. You were right. I’m a fucking pathetic, little boy.”

“Eddie, it’s ok.”

“Jesus, Y/N!”, he rises to his feet causing the other boy to move closer to you. “It’s not ok! I saw the way you looked at me! You were scared… I—”

Your palm collided with his cheek. “You’re going to hear what I have to say! Do you understand me?!” His eyes searched yours before slowly descending back to his knees. 

“Yes, Miss.”

You cupped his face with your hands as you stepped closer. “You’re right. You shouldn’t have behaved that way but Eddie, that’s not normal behavior for you. I knew something was wrong and when Steve told me what happened… I wanted to fucking hit him to. He violated a boundary for you; for both of you. Baby, I am so fucking sorry you went through that but that’s never going to happen again.”

“She’s our agent again. Seems baby girl is starting her own agency.”

Eddie’s eyes shift between you both as what Steve said fully sunk in. You smile as you pull him to his feet. “You’re safe with me, Sir, and I am safe with you. Just don’t fucking disappear me on again.” You hug him again and this time his arms wrap around you. “I was so worried.”

“I’m sorry, princess. Can I make it up to you?”

“Please.”

He grinned as he lifted you into his arms and headed for the bedroom. “Come on, Harrington. You to.”

“Me? What do I need to make up for?”

“Fine. Stay out here then.”

“Nooo…”, you whine as you make grabby hands, reaching for him to follow. 

Steve laughs at the sound as he trails behind and Eddie tosses you on to the bed, climbing on top of you as he kisses your neck. As soon as you lift off your shirt, his mouth descends to your chest, reaching behind you to take off your bra. Your legs wrap around his waist trying to keep him as close to you as you possibly can. 

“I missed you so much. It—mmm—it felt weird without you next to me last night.”

Eddie’s lips encase your nipple, his finger trying to unbutton your pants while grinding against you. 

“Where did you sleep last night?”, Steve asked. 

“Van.” His mouth dipped along your stomach, tugging your jeans and panties with him down your legs. 

“Eddie…” You felt a pang in your heart of him sleeping in his van out on L.A. streets, leaning up to quickly grab his chin after he took off his shirt. “Promise me you’ll never do that again. Even if you don’t feel comfortable talking to me at least tell Steve where you are.”

He saw the hurt in your eyes and it killed him all over again as he leaned forward to gently kiss your forehead. “I promise, little miss.” Eddie guided you back down with soft kisses before making you giggle as he playfully lifted your legs, yanking you closer to him.

A moan escaped you as his tongue licked a stripe through your folds. He moved slow at first, his mouth pressed just so against you but when Eddie got going it was like being transported to another world. You always loved the way he felt with his head between your legs. Unlike Steve, when the metalhead got passionate, he was still coherent and controllable but he was very focused and determined. He had one goal and it was to please you. 

Your eyes squeezed shut as his lips wrapped around your clit, two of his thick fingers breaching your entrance as he pumped and curled them inside of you. You suddenly felt warmth press against your side and whimpered when you felt lips suck on your neck. 

“Daddy…” 

Steve’s hand caressed your skin, his fingers stopping to play with your erect nipples making your pussy clench around Eddie who had begun thrusting his own digits faster into you. 

“Please…fuck…Sir, yes. Just like…like that. I…need you…please, Eddie.”

At the sound of his name, he crawled up to your side and attached his lips to the opposite end of your neck as his hand moved faster between you. 

“Cum, baby. You deserve to feel good. Come on, pretty girl.” His soft, syrupy voice continued to encourage you until your hand shot down clasping over his as you came. 

“Atta girl, honey. Such a good girl.”, Steve whispered as Eddie sat up to throw off his pants. 

You rolled the other boy onto his back, smiling to see he was already undressed and waiting for his turn. Hovering over his firm cock, you glided your tongue over the tip, tasting the salty pre cum he already had lingering there. 

Eddie came up behind you, adjust your hips and pushing one of your legs further up the mattress to he could have better access. You both groaned as he guided his dick into your dripping core, delivering slow, strong strokes as he pushed deeper into you. One of his hands clung to your hip as the other balanced on the side of the bed while his chest hovered just above your back as he watched you bob your head around his friend’s cock. 

Steve mewled as he brushed your hair to side so they could both watch you take him. The vibrations from mouth as Eddie thrust harder into you had his eyes rolling back. 

“F-fuck, baby girl. I can fucking feel the back of your throat. You take us both so…so well.”

You lifted your head for air, panting as the metalheads fingers slide around your thigh to reach your pussy, massaging circles against your clit. 

“Yes, Sir. Jesus…that feels…”

“Tell me, princess. Tell me—mmm—how it feels.”, Eddie cooed.

“So deep…amazing…f-faster, please.”

You spit over Steve’s length, stroking him rapidly as the other man placed both palms on your side, balancing more on his knees as his own hips pounded into you at a dizzying pace. 

Craning to face him, your eyes met his as his mouth fell open in silent moans. 

“Can…can I cum, Sir?”

As soon as he nodded, your eyes fluttered closed, your forehead falling against Steve’s body as you came. Eddie’s arms wrapped around your front, holding you to his chest as he rolled his hips aggressively until you heard a strangled grunt and felt him warm your insides with his release. 

The delicate action of him pulling out of you was countered with Steve leaning over and lifting you onto his lap. You reached between your bodies, taking his cock and sliding it into your core. His hands clung to your waist as you began bouncing on top of him, your head flying back in ecstasy. 

Leaning back on your hands, you grind your lower half against him as Steve tilts forward to trail his lips along your stomach up to your chest making you whimper.

“Yes, Daddy. Ma-make me cum, baby.”

Abruptly, he wraps his arms around you, flipping you onto your back as your head hits Eddie’s tummy. 

“Ow.”

You giggle as the other man smiles down at you, kissing your lips as he thrusts into you. The metalhead’s fingers run through your hair as Steve’s forehead leans against yours, his breathy whimpers fanning your face. 

“Just like…that, Steve. Please. I’m…fuck…can I?”

He nodded as his rhythm quickened, the sound of skin hitting skin filling the room until your eyes closed and you clung to the back of his head as you came. As your pussy fluttered around him, you heard him groan above you as he pumped rope after rope of his spend deep inside of you.

Nobody moved except for Eddie who was still tenderly petting your head. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“Eddie, you don’t have to keep apologizing.”

“No, I know. I just…this wasn’t really a great welcome home experience for you. I don’t want you to think this is common. Matt said this was a big step for you.”

You poke at Steve’s back as he jokingly whines, rolling off you before you turn around and climb on top of the other boy. 

“I know this isn’t normal for you. I don’t…I don’t think you’re both going to suddenly change just because I’m here. Not in a bad way anyway.”, you smile. “He knows it’s a big step for me because I was terrified to leave home after I graduated high school. It was all I ever wanted but I was so scared of being in this ‘sinful city’ alone. Then I dated those douchebags and…” He chuckles as you shake your head and shudder. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I never would have moved in if I didn’t trust you both. All three of us have come a long way from that night in the hotel. This one…setback…doesn’t ruin the idea of me being here.”

Eddie’s palms cup your face as he guides your lips to his. 

“Now your careers…that’s a different story.” You smile as Steve comes up behind you lifting you off the boy with one arm and carries you to the bathroom. 

“Why do you say that?”, the metalhead asked as he jogged up behind you two. 

“If word got around that you punched an agent and got arrested that doesn’t look so hot but I think I can spin it especially since Michael dropped the charges.

“Jesus, woman. What voodoo did you do?”

“She yelled at TJ and told him what that asshole did. TJ said if he dropped the assault charge, he wouldn’t fire him for signing our names.”, Steve grinned as he guided you under the warm water of the shower. 

“Which technically he didn’t. He still works for the agency…he’s just not an agent anymore.”, you beam up at him as you wrap your arms around his neck. 

“So…you’re really our agent again?”

You kiss his lips before leaning back against Steve’s chest.

“Yup. I’m in control of you and all yours.”

#############

@gracieluvthemoon @e-munson666 @alienthings @lunatictardis

@corrodedcorpses @whoringtonmunswhore @big-ope-vibes

@eddiesguitarskills @brittney69 @mandyjo8719 @hugdealer

@h3llo-k1tt @mynameismothra @local-stoner-bitch

@miarosso @imjuststeddietrashatthispoint @arianafreckles

@sweetpuffy12 @mybradforddream @sugar-haus

@manda-panda-monium @emmalee-01 @justsheerfilth1

@wroteclassicaly @micheledawn1975 @gracieluvthemoon

@erinsingalong @imogen-m-h @playfuloutcast @spookedbydawn

@cinnamapup @bimbobaggins69

@justmeandmymeanderingthoughts @skyesthebomb

@sherrylyn628 @eli-flower @aejae-ssi @atomiclilac

@anaibis @notasimp4joey @chelebelletx @kik51199

[piratefishmama]

Crossing the line | Part 8

“What do I wear, what do I wear, ROBIN WHAT DO I WEAR?! Do I wear this? Or—or this? He said he—”

“Steven Marlon Harrington if you do not put that sweater vest down this INSTANT I will burn it. I’ll open the window—”

“You can’t open the window it doesn’t open this high up, and that’s not my middle name.”

“I will BREAK open the window and set that highly flammable offense to the eyes on fire then throw it out of said window. Put it down.”

“But he said he liked the idea of the sweater vest! He got all ‘oh nooo’ when I said I wasn’t going to wear it!”

“You keep your kinky shit out of my first metal gig experience, Steven, you keep it far away from my metal gig experience.”

“You didn’t even want to GO! How is it KINKY?”

It was Tuesday, specifically 7:49pm Tuesday evening.

After their magical first meeting in that coffee shop, Steve had promised, hand on heart, that he wouldn’t go back to the coffee shop before the gig. Something that Steve had balked at because he wanted an authentic coffee shop au experience dammit. But Eddie had put his foot down, claimed it’d be unfair.

Eddie wanted him to experience the gig, he wanted him to experience it, experience who Eddie actually was outside of the apron and the indie coffee shop aesthetics because they often softened a lot of the rough edges in people, he wanted this beautiful human with… an admittedly really nice voice shut up, to experience the real him, and then ask him out.

He didn’t get to spend days putting on the charm, making Eddie feel all whirly, only to rip it away at the gig when he realised he didn’t actually like the real Eddie Munson.

Steve didn’t think that was entirely necessary since he’d gotten a verbal beat down for an entire week from the guy, but he’d wasted zero time in purchasing those tickets anyway. Maybe he was pathetically down bad for a little wet cat, Steve would own it.

Eddie was an incredibly attractive little wet cat, he wore the wet cat look well.

“Cause he wants to see you in it, it’s gotta be a weird kink thing. Do not bring that energy to my metal gig. I will vomit.”

“What were you actually going to do if I scored with this guy and left us with a twin room at the Conrad? What would you have done?”

“Cried myself to sleep in the bathtub wearing earplugs. Maybe I’d have had a dish of chocolate covered strawberries in there with me, I dunno.”

“You’re so weird.” The words said with such fondness that she couldn’t help but turn her head toward her brother from another mother, her Sistah from another mistah, her twin separated at birth, and grin at him, all teeth and scrunched nose.

They were getting ready in the same room, no awkwardness, no weird vibes, they’d accidentally showered together before, shared a bubble bath in Steve’s ridiculous jet tub back at his apartment, their level of platonic soulmate was so far unmatched.

“You love me.” He did. He really really did. “Okay, okay, put that down. Maybe you can save the sweater vest for like… a date or something. Maybe the dinner you wanted to take him out on. Let’s see what we have here” She rounded the bed in naught but a cut off band tee crop top and a pair of fishnets over her underwear, having been doing her makeup before donning the ripped black pair of shorts she’d thrifted because there didn’t have to be a right order to do things in. “Right… this is a metal gig, and from what we know of Corroded Coffin, it’s not like… glam metal, we don’t need anything flashy, shit’s thrash metal, so like… ripped denim, belt chains, leather jackets, band Tees, guys don’t have to dress up for this shit. Pretty sure your wet rat will be wearing a dumb band tee and ripped jeans. The only thing you have to worry about, is overheating.”

“Overheating?” Gosh he was so unprepared, how was she more prepared for this? Hyper fixation maybe.

“Yeah, why do you think I’m wearing shorts, you’ll be sweating bullets in there, it’s a dive bar, Steve it’s not The Garden. It’s not open air, it’s dingy, the floor will be sticky, the alcohol will be trash, and there’ll be a mosh pit, it’s not going to be pretty. Have you got your plugs?”

Steve lifted a tiny metal tube up and wiggled it in his hand “Gottem”

“Good, make sure you put those in before the music starts, they’ll filter some of the harsher sounds, keep your migraines at bay.” Concussions did damage, and he’d had a few. Not just The Hemsworth Incident™️, he’d partied hard as a teen, lost a few fights, okay, he’d lost most fights.

Brain damage was a real issue with concussions apparently!

Migraines happened, he had little earplugs that didn’t block all noise, just filtered it a little to reduce the impact on his eardrums so he could still enjoy things. Sometimes they helped, sometimes they didn't, it wasnt perfect.

“Okay so… what should I wear? I can’t just wear the plugs, Robin, I know I’m trying to like… pull, but naked celebrity in a dive bar sounds a bit dangerous.”

“Alright smartass, those jeans, that band tee, skip the jacket, you’ll just wind up dying from heatstroke. Actually, gimmie that shirt.” Robin snagged the tee out of Steve’s hands as he held it up she took it over to the dresser where she’d left a little sewing kit she’d also picked up during their thrift shopping, grabbed the scissors and went to town on the damn thing. “You’re gonna sweat, so— accept that he’s gonna see you all gross and sweaty.”

“Nghhhh but—" He wanted to be flawless dammit! Turn on his charm. He couldn’t do that while sweaty and gross!!

“It’s fine, he’ll be all gross and sweaty too. Maybe he’ll even like the gross sweaty look, who knows, he seems like a weird ‘I like sweaty, hairy men’ kinda guy.”

“I thought you said he seemed like a 'moms’ basement dwelling virgin' kind of guy.”

“He’s a weird, wet scraggly cat with layers. He also seems like a ‘clap if you believe’ kind of guy too, but I can’t judge him on that cause—” and she clapped, he let out a brief snort of a laugh. “Okay, here” she threw the remnants of the shirt at him, now transformed into a sleeveless muscle tee, the sides cut to shit to reveal the expanse of mole-dotted golden tanned skin and soft muscle of his sides, the graphic on the front looking like a red hand holding a mallet of some kind, the name of the band too faded to make out. “Wear that, the ripped jeans, and those combat boots.”

“…Just this?”

“Yes, I’ll finish it off with some kohl after I’m done, okay?” Steve raised a single brow at her, but he didn’t argue. He’d long since given up arguing with Robin about how eyeliner made his eyes ‘pop’, it… actually did, so he’d accept it. So when she finally finished dressing and accessorising herself, she completed his look for him too, mussing his hair a little in a way that only she was allowed to do, a little smudged eyeliner, a brush of mascara, and he was good to go.

“Well?” Steve asked, standing straight for Robin’s assessing gaze.

She smiled, like a shark sensing blood in the water, she was pleased with her work. “Oh Stevie Stevie Stevie, trust me, he’s not gonna know what hit him.”

God he hoped she was right.

Part 10

[mappingthemoon]

For the past several years (can’t remember if this attitude predates the pandemic), I’ve been kinda “meh”/side-eye re: New Year’s Resolutions. I am a very goal-oriented person and feel existentially unmoored when I don’t have something that I’m working toward, be it a class, a trip, a concert, a zine or other artsy project. But I also tend to have very unrealistic expectations, namely of how much time it will actually take me to complete tasks and how much energy I will still possess after I get home from work every day. So I don’t want to put all this abstract pressure on myself for the new year and then get burned by my, idk, ENORMOUSLY OVERWHELMING CAPACITY FOR HOPES AND DREAMS (or inability to accept reality or whatever, I guess, depending on your viewpoint lol).

Last year, I got a faculty librarian job and I was able to finally quit doing part-time transcription work, a (second) job I’d held for over 11 years. I thought the sudden influx of “free time” would result in a flood of creative projects in 2023, but I didn’t get nearly as much done (or started) as I’d hoped. My new job duties brought increased stress – I supervise someone now and received zero training for this so I’m having to figure out all this soft skills work relationship stuff on my own, I’m one of only two special collections catalogers in a large academic institution and ofc our backlog is a million miles long, I have to deal with so many more dang emails and meetings as a faculty person than I did as a staff, our institution is grossly underfunded and understaffed and people keep leaving bc our wages are comparatively Bad; many of my colleagues and I are burnt out af. SO ANYWAY due to all that, instead of blossoming into a creative powerhouse now that I have only one day-job, I instead found myself sinking into the couch after work, watching youtube on the big tv screen and transforming into a sad amorphous blob.

BUT! One reason I am risking feeling slightly more hopeful about 2024 is that this year, I am scheduled to have two out of four credit card loans paid off! (I had five but already paid one off this year too :D) This will put like… nearly $400 back into my pocket each month. I hate complaining about my money situation bc I do make what would be a decent living wage for my ~lifestyle~ (2 very frugal working adults, no kids in the home), but nearly 25% of my income goes to debt (not including mortgage lol). (The reason I am carrying so much debt is because I didn’t make anything even remotely close to a living wage for the entirety of my working life until I got the librarian job last year and I had to use credit cards for things like groceries and travelling home for funerals and then I’d transfer the credit card balance onto a loan and then I’d be like “okay, as long as we have no more emergencies for 18 months, we’ll be good,” and then there’d be another emergency and I’d have to borrow more money again 🇺🇸) So the TL;DR is I strongly suspect that when I have a bit more of a financial cushion and don’t have to deprive myself of most material pleasures (such as the occasional deli sandwich or vinyl record! I have simple desires!) and white-knuckle it through the last week of every month, I might be a bit less exhausted and stressed out on a daily basis?

So based on that completely speculative hope, here are my goals/resolutions for 2024:

Start a monthly one-pager photozine (my intention is for this to be a simple project to keep me active in the zine community and more ~intentional~ with my photography). Finish writing Moonshot #3 (Summer 2024) and #4 (Fall 2024). Start outlining (at least) Phases of the Moon #7. Maybe: Think abt starting a new art/literary comp zine. [I used to do tons of comp zines when I was younger and I’ve been revisiting them in my zine digitization/archiving project and feeling inspired!! Love bringing a variety of people together to collectively work on an amazing goal! ♈]

Do something analog with photography – maybe cyanotypes? [I’m despondent that I’ve been dragging an enlarger around for over 10 years but still haven’t built a home darkroom. This can still happen someday, but in the meantime, I know there are other analog photographic processes I can do without a full darkroom!] I also want to get back into photographing concerts. [I was a little disappointed that my Quintron pics {still forthcoming sry} didn’t turn out fantastic but it was my own damn fault for falling out of practice with my DSLR, and also forgetting to turn on autofocus lmao.] AND, I think it would be fairly easy to turn my bedroom into a camera obscura, which would be TOTALLY AWESOME and SWEET.

Redesign my website/portfolio: selenographer.info. Try to actually post some newsletters once in a while?

Finish at least one cross-stitch!

Leave the house more often for social activities?????

Better daily health routine [I already do this stuff, but I’m not always consistent]: Meditate & do yoga, preferably in the morning. Teeth care at least twice a day [sry if it’s TMI gross but brushing before bed was never part of my childhood and it has been a constant struggle to solidify this habit as an adult, ugh] and actually use the dang waterpik & electric toothbrush that I bought. Wear the sleep apnea device every night. [This thing works. But I fucking hate wearing it and I skip nights which makes me feel like a big dummy since I borrowed an additional $3000 to treat this problem.] STOP TAKING GOODY’S POWDER. [This should follow if I am consistent in wearing the apnea device bc I won’t get morning headaches if I am not waking up in a state of oxygen deprivation!]

Buy a new bed! [We got one of those cheapo internet mattresses in 2018 and man is it killing me. If I ever won the lottery the first thing I would do is completely redesign the bedroom into the ideal sleep environment.] Also need to buy 1 or 2 new bookcases bc I now have 3 storage bins full of unshelved books and it makes me anxious.

Work-related goals: Reclaim as much time as possible from the workweek. Try to have at least a half-day of work-from-home time per week. Actually use the professional development time I am privileged to have as faculty! Try to detach from the stressful sense of urgency other people (inexplicably) bring to the table and don’t let that shit get to you. Figure out a better way to handle emails? [My current modes are either complete avoidance so I can hyperfocus on a task, or checking my email every 30-60 mins and spiralling into the distraction zone for hours.] Hopefully take another class at Rare Book School. Help with more outreach events (aka teaching people about ZINES! :D)

GOOD LUCK EVERYBODY <3

[anastasiapullingteeth]

Calm. Down. Stay.

{Or The Things I Learned While Training My Reactive Dog}

My submission for this year’s @aggressivelyarospec’s Aggressively Arospectacular event! **Disclaimer: this is not a guide on how to train a reactive dog. It’s just me talking about my own experience.** [CW for mentions of COVID, anxiety, disordered eating and general bad mental health.]

It was August 2020, five months into the COVID lockdown, and I was losing my mind.

I’ve always been introverted. More interested in staying in my comfort zone (home) and indulging in my own activities (lazing around), so as bad as this may sound, lockdown wasn’t really the problem. The previous year and a half of commuting for two hours to get to work, plus years of suffering from insomnia, anxiety, and other debilitating problems were. By the time the pandemic happened, I was walking on a tightrope and the recovery was taking longer than I’d anticipated. That was when my mom, with zero thought put into it I may add, decided we needed a dog and got a month-old puppy.

I’m not one of those people who consider their pets as their actual children, but dogs are, in fact, pretty much like kids in at least one thing: not everyone is prepared to have them, and wanting one is not reason enough to get one. And, boy, I wasn’t prepared.

Given the bad state of mind I was in, the shitty job I had (and still have), and the historical event unfolding in real time, it was safe to say I was barely capable of taking care of myself, let alone a pet, but my mom promised the dog was going to be hers and, since I didn’t have the heart to rehome the puppy, we took her in and named her Quimey (“beautiful” in Mapuche).

I had plenty of dogs while growing up, but Quimey is my first dog as an adult and, although she was supposed to be my mom’s, I’m the one responsible for everything concerning her: I feed her, take her to the vet, walk her, clean after her, pay for everything... It’s a full-time job on top of everything else I already have on my plate but, even though my mom wants to help, she can’t really do much because Quimey has way too much energy and her strength and impulsivity can be dangerous if handled wrong, so I ended up taking up the responsibility myself. How hard could it be, right? It’s a dog. Then, of course, it became way harder.

Due to her chronic illness, my mom couldn’t leave the house during that time between the beginning of the pandemic and the first vaccines, so I was in charge of groceries and anything else she needed. Due to a lot of different factors (particularly that she’d been separated from her mother way too soon), Quimey wasn’t properly socialized when we got her, so, in an attempt to fix this, she often came with me to do errands. 

She’s naturally nervous, so getting out of the house involved a lot of shaking, but nothing too bad to be considered a problem. The walks went okay and, after some time, she even stopped shaking, but then, one day as we waited our turn outside a store, she jumped on a random woman seemingly out of nowhere, scaring her. She didn’t actually bite her or even try to hurt her, but, from that moment on, I was a little wary of taking her with me in case she did it again so I tried to keep her at a safe distance from other people. It seemed to work and I thought we were back at a safe place, but I was wrong.

A couple of months later, Quimey was attacked by a neighbor's dog that’d been left outside without supervision. I managed to pick her up before the dog could do any damage, but, since we couldn’t really avoid him, he tried to attack her on several other occasions for at least a month or so, until the owners saw it and finally kept him inside. Sadly, that was enough to scare Quimey for life and the primary reason her reactivity began. She’s now terribly afraid of strangers and other dogs (particularly small ones) and is literally impossible to take her anywhere without her having what’s basically a panic attack. Trying to revert that as much as possible is what I’ve been aiming for for the past 3 years.

Living in a place that’s not pet friendly and without easy access to trainers and other specialists, having a reactive dog has been a journey, but one that, looking back, has taught me more than I’d expected.

.

Puppies are hard to train, they’re basically just babies, but anyone who’s had a dog before they turn one year old knows that’s nothing compared to the teenage stage. Yes, dogs go through adolescence, just like us, and it’s just as bad as you imagine. If by then you manage to teach them anything, they will forget it. They won’t listen no matter what you do and sometimes will even purposely disobey you. Avoiding shouting becomes a challenge and so far I was failing.

I’m not a person of soft emotions. I’m anxious, impatient, and temperamental, and my anger issues, although not as bad now, are very much something I still struggle with. Over the years, I’ve done my best to manage and redirect those emotions, but having a fearful reactive dog can certainly push you to the edge and test your patience because they’re harder to train and difficult to be with if you lack the knowledge to help them.

In dogs like Quimey, on top of the confusing teenage state, fear takes up their minds when they’re around a trigger and they basically lock themselves in a never-ending fight or flight response; in that scenario, they won’t listen to you not because they’re being disobedient, but because they can’t. Their bodies are fighting for survival and the last thing they need is having you screaming desperately because they’re pulling at the leash or barking, so, in order to get her to calm down, the first thing I had to learn was to be calm myself. What an impossible task! Years and years of trying had proved I couldn’t do it, but I needed to. I had to.

Dogs mirror our emotions; if I wanted to show her there was nothing to fear, I had to believe it first.

.

Dogs, as well as anyone else, are unique and what could work for one won’t do much for others. Each of them has its own process and sometimes it’s ok to just wait for things to pass and manage what you can until it gets better. As a teenager, Quimey was constantly trying to escape, barked at everything that moved, and got up in the middle of the night looking for things to play with or food to steal. It was the worst six months I experienced as a dog owner because all the progress we’d achieved until then was lost. Luckily, my sister, who’s had a similar experience with her own dog, helped me with some advice. Once I understood what was happening, I took a deep breath and established a routine. 

As I said before, Quimey is high energy and needs help managing it in a way that’s safe and productive for her. So we implemented longer walks in a route that felt good for her, added scent games to stimulate her mind, practiced simple commands to control her impulsivity, and ran a few laps at night to burn all that pent-up energy that prevented her from having a full night's sleep. And it's working. Taking the time to assess the situation and try a solution is helping and something that was torturous at the beginning became bearable because I took my time. I was patient. The routine helps Quimey feel safer and more sure of herself because she no longer has to guess what is going to happen next; she is in the process of regaining control and lowering her guard, allowing her to enjoy what is around her instead of trying to run away from everything. And, what’s even more surprising, her routine is also helping me.

I’ve had trouble sleeping since I was a kid thanks to an overactive brain, and switching to full remote work due to the pandemic completely fucked any resemblance of a good sleep schedule I had so far, which wasn’t really impressive, to begin with. Routines had never done anything for me and, sometimes, having to keep a schedule for school or work even worsened my insomnia, which is the exact opposite of what one would expect. Having Quimey with me now, on the other hand, has improved my sleeping habits, not only allowing me to sleep most nights all night but also reducing the nightmares considerably.

Over the years I tried all kinds of tricks to sleep better and other things to lower my anxiety that never worked, but having a routine for Quimey did. What makes this one different? That I have a purpose. Getting better for oneself is what we all should aim for, but sometimes that’s not a good incentive when you don’t consider yourself worth it. Doing things for others can be a good first step towards healing and I already knew it’d worked for me in the past.

A few years ago, what took me out of a very long period of bad mental health was working with kids. Being surrounded by children whose parents neglected them in ways most people would dismiss pushed me to try to be the adult they needed and the one I didn’t have while growing up. I not only had to guide them academically, I also had to be able to be fully there to accompany them in their journey and that’s how I, almost accidentally, broke the streak of abnormal eating patterns and sleepless nights I'd been suffering from since I left college; adopting Quimey had more or less the same effect on me. 

Somewhere along the way I figured she, just like me, struggles to understand the world around her and her fear comes from a place of feeling inadequate to handle it. She needs someone to give her the tools to work around her big emotions and translate the things she still hasn’t fully grasped in terms she’s more familiar with. And, much like with those kids, I had to step in and be the support she needed and the one I didn’t have. And I’m trying to do that every day.

.

Two years later, we still do most of the things we started her routine with, varying between the activities she gets tired of and adding stuff that fits her better as she ages. And we’re doing pretty well now.

I used to wonder what people did with reactive dogs before our generation got so obsessed with them that we started to treat them more like living things and not like objects, but then it occurred to me that, even if you think there’s more of them now because of the way the world has changed, most of the problematic dogs back in the day were abandoned or euthanized without giving them a chance or helping them overcome what had made them that way. Most of them still are even now. That, for better or worse, is part of why I keep trying with Quimey.

There’s something people with reactive dogs say constantly, but that’s worth repeating here: as much as a bad time you’re having trying to train your dog, you can be sure they’re having it way worse. Reactivity can be genetic or a result of past trauma, but whatever the cause is, your dog is struggling to adapt to this world and it’s your job to help them get there.

Quimey’s not perfect and never will be. She gets incredibly anxious if her routine changes, still won’t accept any stranger (human or dog) to get too close to her no matter how friendly, and is afraid of the simplest things like bubbles or the sound of a door closing in the distance. She sometimes has to take natural remedies to help her anxiety when her triggers are just too much to handle and we’re still working on teaching her how to stay alone in the house without a panic attack. But she’s also the most affectionate dog I have ever had.

Learning to accept and love her the way she is and my job as her advocate has strengthened our bond and has helped me accept and work on most of my own struggles as well. Identifying and naming her emotions in order to offer a safe space has created one for me, too, one I never knew how to get before, and that, without realizing, she guided me to.

Working on doing better for her helped me do better for myself as well. 

.

Calm, down, stay… you’re safe now.

.

[the-cult-of-russo]

Such a Softer Sin (Part 7)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Warnings: I’m not specifically tagging this one, if you’ve seen the show, nothing will shock you. Smut will happen eventually so minors DNI, thanks.

A/N: I know I’ve not been replying to the replies on my chapters, but trust me I’m reading them and you guys are making me so happy. I love seeing what you all think and getting so invested in the story. My energy levels have been below zero lately, my fibromyalgia is kicking my ass to the moon and back. What little energy I’ve had, I’ve been writing songs when I told myself I’d continue to get at least one of my other Billy WIPS done while I have the time so you’ll have something to read after this one. I’ll get there eventually lmao

Also, happy birthday to @promnightbinbaby (if it's still your birthday, time zones and all that loooool)

—--------

It was the next day and you were sitting on the porch steps of the pack house with Kos. You’d both been watching as your people mingled with the King’s, introducing themselves and getting settled in here, it was nice to see. You’d been worried most of all about Viron with how skittish he could be, worried he might hide away in the house. His brother hadn’t let him though, taking him around as they met people and you could already see him relax as he actually spoke to people not from his own pack. It made you smile, you knew this would be good for him. Kos was just telling you the training schedule you’d start in a week that the King had given him when Atti rushed over, face slightly pale and your back straightened. 

“What happened?” you asked quickly, ready to fight already if you needed to. Hell, you’d take on the King himself if he’d done something to hurt Atti. He glanced from you to Kos, shifting on his feet as his mouth floundered for a moment.

“Spit it out, Atti,” Kos growled, but you could hear the worry in his voice as you both looked up at him.

“I found my mate,” he blurted. Shock hit you in the face and both you and Kos just stared at him for a moment. A smile split your face as you felt happy for him but it faded when he just stood there with a worried look on his face.

“Is that a bad thing?” Kos asked slowly, raising a brow.

“I don’t know, I guess not,” he muttered in reply and your eyes narrowed a little.

“What’s her name then?” you asked, wondering why he was being so weird about it. 

“I don’t know, I didn’t speak to her. I… ran off,” he admitted and you and Kos looked at each other before you both burst out laughing.

“It’s not funny, guys!” he whined, almost pouting as you tried to catch your breath.

“I’m sorry, but you ran away? She’s your mate, you idiot! Why didn’t you just speak to her?” you asked incredulously.

“You do realize you're supposed to run towards your mate, not the other way?” Kos asked teasingly and Atti squinted at him.

“I’m well aware, thank you very much. I just… panicked. I don’t know. She’s one of the Warriors here. I saw her and I just…” he shook his head looking like a spooked horse and you and Kos shared another look before you both stood.

“Right, come on. Let’s meet her then,” Kos grinned. Atti’s protests died on his tongue as Kos grabbed him by his collar and started dragging him along with you both. 

As you got closer to the castle, you noticed the King and Frank.

“What's he done this time?” Frank asked ruefully and Atti whined.

“This idiot just found his mate and ran away from her, didn’t even ask her name,” Kos snorted and both the King and Frank looked surprised before they smiled.

“Why the hell would you run away?” Frank asked with a chuckle.

“Because he’s a coward,” you teased, earning a dirty look from Atti. 

“I’m not a coward!” he defended weakly and Kos released his hold on him. He smoothed his jacket out, pouting at you both.

“You met your mate and ran away. You didn't speak to her, didn’t even get her name. You didn’t tell her you felt it too. You're either a coward or far more stupid than I thought you were, take your pick,” you smirked at him and he shot you a dirty look.

“What's her role here?” Frank asked curiously and Atti sighed, looking off wistfully to the training area.

“One of the Warriors. She’s over there,” he pointed to a woman with jet black hair who was sparring with someone. You noticed she kept glancing over and you smirked to yourself.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you,” the King grinned and Atti paled. Kos shoved him over to the King who’s smile turned more into an amused grin at the state of him. You watched on as Atti obediently followed the King over to the girl and you all watched, unable to hear with the distance as the King seemed to introduce them. The girl seemed happy and before long, she and Atti were chatting up a storm. The King strolled back over then, looking pleased with himself.

“What’s her name?” you asked curiously as he got back to you, Kos and Frank.

“Aurora,” he supplied, glancing over his shoulder at them as they sat on one of the benches while they spoke. You hummed with a nod, smiling to yourself.

“As much as I’d love to stay and chat, we’ve got some stuff to take care of. I’ll see you at dinner,” he smiled down at you. You gave him a smile back before Kos also left to do the rounds and check everyone was doing okay. You sat on the stone castle steps for a while, watching Atti and his mate get to know each other. The happiness you were feeling started to rapidly dim though as the reality set in about what this meant. 

Atti was your best friend, out of everyone, you were closest to him. You’d been raised together, best friends since birth practically and even after your pack was wiped out, it had been just you two until you stumbled across Kos. It had always been you and Atti against the world but now he found his mate. You were no longer the most important person in his life and you knew it was incredibly selfish but you started to feel panicked over it. You were happy he’d found his mate, both of you wondering if you never would, but things would change now. He’d no longer be sharing a room with you as it was hardly appropriate, he wouldn't spend so much time with you all because he’d be with his mate. Especially at first, when the honeymoon period was there. New mates often hid away and spent time with each other away from everyone else for a while. A part of you felt like you’d lost him and you knew it was selfish. It made you feel guilty and you didn’t like it. Unable to watch any longer, you went off to the pack house to feel sorry for yourself. You hoped the feelings would ease, telling yourself it was just the shock of it. It had come out of nowhere and you’d hardly been prepared for it. But the feelings didn't ease. As you lay on the bed with his scent, you couldn't shake the deep grief that was taking hold of you even though he hadn't died. You told yourself you were being ridiculous but you felt like you were lost out at sea. He wouldn't have time for you anymore, wouldn't have time to make you smile or laugh, to bicker with you. Wouldn't be there when you had a nightmare or when memories he also shared would plague you. He had his mate now, found the person he was supposed to spend his life with and they’d end up having kids and moving along with their life without you. You felt sick.

As the hours wore on, you worked yourself into a frenzy with your depressing thoughts and you felt the deep need for space and air clawing at you. You grabbed your furs, knowing it would be dark soon and you’d probably miss dinner but you didn’t care. You left the house, making a beeline for the gates where a guard was stationed. He gave you a smile and a nod as he let you out and you took a deep inhale, hoping it would ease your tension but it didn’t. You thought of the lake the King had mentioned and you wondered where it was. You sniffed the air, trying to catch the scent of the water and let your feet carry you there. It didn’t take too long to find it. It was beautiful as the sun started to go down, the sunset glimmering over the water that was surrounded by trees. You moved over to near the edge, moving to sit down heavily. Then you burst into tears. You felt stupid for crying over something like this when you should be happy for him but you knew you needed to let it out now or it would eat you alive. Things had never been normal with your pack, never normal between you, Atti and Kos. You’d never really thought too much about them finding their mates and what that would do to your friendship as you’d all figured the chances of finding them were slim to none. You chided yourself for being so selfish as you cried, angrily wiping your eyes. 

Suddenly you were tackled to the ground, startling you out of your misery. Hovering above you with a dagger was what you scented to be a vampire. You growled as he tried to swipe at you and you knocked it right out of his hands. He caught your mouth with a punch and you shoved him off you, tasting the copper on your tongue as you let your sadness turn to anger, pouncing on him before punching him over and over. 

“Why are you here?” you snarled, face of fury and blood coating your lips as you glared at him. He was bloodied himself, jostling as you shook him with the hold you had on his jacket and he laughed.

“Why are you? Your allegiance to the King will get you killed,” he smirked, his sharp teeth glinting in the dimming light. 

“The only one getting killed will be your kind, vermin,” you hissed at him as you let him go. You towered over him, eyes burning as you watched him carefully. You knew you shouldn't kill him, he was here for a reason and it was best you deliver him to the guards to deal with. He lay there for a moment and you sensed it before it happened. He went to tackle you again but you moved, grabbing him and spinning him by his arm. Your leg came down hard on his knee and he screamed as it cracked, bending at an angle it shouldn't be. You knew he’d heal, quicker than a human would. It didn't mean he couldn't feel pain. You were angry now. Angry this piece of shit was here and what he was doing and angry he’d managed to get a jump on you because you were upset. 

“You shouldn't have come here, vampire. Now the King’s going to have to deal with you,” you smirked down cruelly at him as he wailed in his agony. His eyes widened, trying to crawl away as he knew what awaited him but you grabbed him by his other foot, dragging him through the mud as he clawed at the ground, trying to stop you. He yelled the whole time, telling you that you were all dead, that the war was coming, the vampires would win. You tuned it all out, feeling like you were on the razor's edge of snapping and outright killing him with how you were feeling. The gates swung open as you arrived, the guards seemingly hearing the vampire's protests. You let him go as he whined and cried over his pain, the guards rushing over with wide eyes. It didn't take long for the King and Frank to rush over too. The King looked from the beaten and broken vampire to you, a deep frown gracing his face as he took in your bloodied lip and furious gaze.

“Take him to the cells,” he demanded, not looking at the guards he was talking to as his eyes were glued on you. The guards did as they were told as they started to drag the vampire away and the King took a few quick strides to you, eyes darting to your busted lip and then your eyes.

“What the hell are you doin’ going out there like that? We’re on the cusp of a war here,” he growled and you were taken aback by his harsh tone, but in your anger you felt defiance swell inside of you. Almost like you’d forgotten just who it was you were facing.

“I’m not a prisoner here, I didn’t sign up for that! I’m free to go as I please!” you yelled angrily, feeling all the eyes on you as you shouted at the King. He blinked at you for a moment, eyes flaring before he rolled his shoulder and sighed, lowering his head.

“I know that, I just don’t want you to get hurt, alright?” he frowned, his voice soft now and you felt yourself deflate. You wondered if part of you was hoping for a fight to make you feel better. You stood there as the adrenaline left you and you felt your lower lip wobble, making you clamp down on it as you swayed a little on your feet.

“I just… I just needed to get out of here for a bit, I went to the lake,” you murmured shakily, your eyes burning as you forced the tears away. The King watched you, his frown deepening for a moment.

“Come on,” he said, putting a hand on your lower back and guiding you back to the gate before you could argue.

“Where are we going?” you asked.

“The lake,” he supplied vaguely. You wanted to ask why but all the fight had left you so you just followed him silently as the pair of you made your way back. 

He moved to sit in almost the same spot you had been earlier and you sat next to him, looking over at the water.

“Talk to me, Y/N,” he said quietly, drawing your eyes to him. He was looking at you with concern and you looked away quickly. You didn’t want to tell him, didn’t want to admit what a horrible and selfish friend you were. You felt him scoot a little closer to you, your arms basically touching and you looked back at him.

“You can tell my anythin’,” he added sincerely and it made you chest ache. 

“I just…” your lower lip trembled and you frowned, looking down at your hands in your lap.

“I’m a terrible friend. I should be happy that Atticus found his mate, that he’s found his other half. But instead all I can think about is how that means I’ve lost him. That things won't ever be the same and I can’t shake it. He’s been a constant in my life for all of it and now he won’t be. He’s going to be too busy with his mate, I’m going to be an afterthought and I know that's how it should be, but it still hurts,” you admitted shamefully, unable to look at him. He was quiet for a moment but you were too scared to look at him to try and figure out what was going on in his head. You’d only just become friends with him, you didn’t want him to think so poorly of you.

“I get that. Karen’s Frankie’s second mate and none of us thought it would happen. After Maria… Me and Frank have always been close but it was different back then. He had a mate, kids… a family. And when he lost all that, it brought us closer together. It made it a little more bearable that we were both alone and then Karen turns up one day and that's it,” he started and you chanced a glance at him. He wasn’t looking at you, instead staring off at the lake, his turn to brood with a frown on his face. 

“And I know I shoulda felt happy for him and I was, but it was… I felt like you do, felt like he was bein’ taken away from me, felt like I’d lost him and I was back to bein’ alone. And it went like that for a bit, you know how new mates can be. But it doesn't last forever. Once they get to know each other, once they settle down, things’ll be different. You’re not a bad friend for feelin’ that way, it's natural, especially with how close you guys are. It’s an adjustment and you’ll get through it like you got through everythin’ else life’s thrown at you,” he insisted, his dark eyes now turning to you. You were shocked by his admission but you felt relieved almost, like you connected with him over this. He didn't judge you, he’d dealt with the same feelings. And you’d seen how close he was to Frank and to Karen too. You wondered maybe if there was hope. If you’d let Atti and Aurora get to know each other, if he’d come back to you and you’d get to know her, let her in the family. It wouldn't be completely the same and you knew that but you also knew that was just how it went. 

“Thank you,” you murmured, giving him a smile. The haunted look he was wearing seemed to evaporate right off his face at your smile and his whole body seemed to relax, a smile of his own on his face. 

“Don’t gotta thank me, it’s what I’m here for,” he answered easily and you gave him a wry grin.

“Bein’ a therapist to your people?” you snorted and he chuckled, shaking his head as his eyes bore into you. He just watched you for a moment and it made you feel a little weird, your heart stuttering in your chest as his almost black eyes seemed glued to you. You were about to say something, anything to stop the weird staring contest that seemed to happen because it made you feel like you were tumbling off a cliff when his lips suddenly descended on yours. Your whole body tensed up, shock rushing through your system like a confusing mixture of fire and ice. But then your brain caught up with you and you pushed him away, eyes wide. He looked shocked himself, eyes wider than yours as his mouth floundered for a moment. You really couldn't believe he’d tried to kiss you, especially not after what you’d told him in the garden. 

“I… I should get back,” you muttered tensely, still in shock as you jumped to your feet, your fingers over your lips.  

“Y/N, wait!” he called out quickly. You barely made it a few steps before he’d seized your wrist and turned you around. He dropped your arm quickly and you stepped back from him, your head spinning.

“I’m-I’m sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I know that was inappropriate. I shouldn’ta done that,” he frowned, a desperate look on his face. You really couldn't believe after what you’d said to him, after him telling you he just wanted to get to know you as a friend that he’d do this. It left you feeling confused and upside down, especially when at first, a part of you felt like you wanted it.

“You might not care about saving yourself for your mate, but I do,” you bit out and his face fell, pain flashing over it and it made guilt swallow you whole. You hadn't meant for it to come out so harsh or judgemental because honestly, you didn't judge him. But it didn't mean you were about to go down whatever this road was. Atti had found his mate, maybe you would too one day. Your head was going around and around and you felt like you couldn't breathe.

“Goodnight, Your Majesty,” you whispered, turning on your heel and rushing off before he could stop you again. 

You made a beeline for the house when you got back, rushing up the stairs and into your room where Kos was sitting on the bed reading. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked with a frown. You leaned back against the door, everything overwhelming you and as you opened your mouth to tell him, you burst into pitiful sobs. He jumped up and hurried over, scooping you into his arms as he guided you to sit on the bed. 

“What’s happened, Y/N?” he asked more firmly, stroking your hair as he rocked you back and forth. And you told him. You told him everything. You told him how you felt about Atti finding his mate and how guilty you felt, you told him about being jumped by a vampire because you were too upset to even think clearly and you told him about Billy. The conversation you’d had and that he’d kissed you. He’d comforted you about Atti, saying much the same as Billy had. That he would come around when he got to know his mate and they just had to wait. He’d been angry at the vampire thing but placated that the King had dealt with him. But when you told him about the King, he’d gone silent and you wiped your eyes, peering up at him.

“He shouldn’t have kissed you like that, but I don’t think he had bad intentions. I think he’s lonely and you don’t have a mate either. Maybe he felt like you connected over that or maybe he just got caught up in the moment,” he suggested softly. You nodded as you sat up straighter, taking in his words. You knew if Kos thought Billy had bad intentions, just wanting to bed you and then toss you away like a piece of used tissue, then he’d probably have a real big issue with it. King or no King, you knew it wouldn't matter. 

“I just don’t know what to do. We have connected but this whole thing is dangerous. You know what it’s like when people get involved with someone who isn’t their mate. It gets messy and complicated if the mate turns up and this is the King. It would be easy to get attached to him in that way, he's an incredible man, but it’s not a good idea,” you confessed with a frown. If you really thought about it, there was a pull to him and you weren’t sure what it was. You were unsure if it was the allure only a Lycan Demigod could have or if it was about you both bonding over no mates and losing family. There was just a level of understanding between you both that seemed to blossom from nowhere and while you still didn’t feel 100% comfortable with him due to the fact he was the King, you thought you could call him a friend and maybe that awkwardness would go away in time when you got used to having someone so important and regal as a friend. But now he'd kissed you and things were weird for a different reason. 

“You just need to think about what it is you want. You’re right, things can get messy if mates turn up but it’s also not a crime to be lonely and seek company from others feeling the same. I know you crave that type of companionship sometimes,” he started, making flames lick your cheeks that he’d picked up on it at some point.

“And I bet he craves it too, especially with him going so long without his mate. Whatever you choose to do, you know I’ll be by your side with no judgment,” he affirmed and it made you smile, warmth curling in your chest. 

“I think… I think I just want to be friends with him. As tempting as he might be, nothing good will come from starting a dalliance with the King. Not just because one of our mates could turn up and it would be uncomfortable but… I value his friendship. What’s the point in starting something that will have an expiration date? Even if my mate never turns up because he’s dead or halfway across the world or he has to wait another hundred years for his, the flame won’t last forever because we’re not mates. Those relationships don’t last. I don’t want to develop feelings for him just to be hurt in the long run,” you sighed and Kos took your hand in his.

“Then stay friends and I’ll back you up,” he smiled warmly as you and you grinned before it faded and you let out a groan.

“I don’t know how to be friends with him now he kissed me. It’s just awkward and I don’t know how to handle it. Do I speak to him about it or just pretend it didn’t happen? Either option isn’t great and it’s still weird,” you muttered with a huff. 

“Maybe just give yourself some space, think it over. He obviously finds you attractive but you're a beautiful woman, Y/N, he’d be stupid not to. Maybe he got caught up in the moment or maybe he misread the situation, but you said he was apologetic for making you uncomfortable, that he said he shouldn't have done it. He probably feels just as awkward as you do right now so maybe some space will help you both and you'll laugh about it together in a few days,” Kos advised and you nodded. You hoped so. He did seem mortified by what he’d done when you really thought about it so you didn't believe your initial thoughts that maybe this was his plan all along. The idea of the King being attracted to you though still made your head spin and you flushed at Kos’ compliment.

“Yeah, maybe a little space would be good. I need to get my head on right. I didn’t even know I wanted him to kiss me until he did it and now I feel all… blegh,” you sighed, making Kos smile ruefully at you. 

“I just need to accept the fact it was a bad idea and move on from it, hopefully things won’t be so awkward,” you added softly. You still felt a little confused but you knew you needed to snap out of it. Thinking of the King in that way wouldn't do you any favors and if he hadn't kissed you, you’d have stayed blissfully unaware that you wanted that from him. Who wouldn't though? He was magnetic, full of charm and beauty. You’d fallen into the trap that many other women seemed to have fallen into before you and you knew you needed it to stop. You’d take some space and calm yourself, remind yourself of your place. It wasn’t by the King’s side and you weren’t interested in some casual fling with him that would eventually end and your friendship would be ruined. You’d rather have him as a friend than that. You found yourself wishing to speak to Atti about it too. While you appreciated Kos’ wise words of encouragement and support more than anything, you knew Atti would be a little more blunt and maybe you needed that harsh slap around the face of reality. For all his talk of you and the King, you knew he was just teasing and he didn’t really think it was a good idea. You knew what he’d say about all this. You knew he’d give you a little tough brotherly love about it and maybe that was what you needed so you could stop clinging to a wisp of a notion that anything could happen between you and His Highness. It was a bad idea, it was that simple. You weren't willing to get your heart broken by anyone, much less the King.

Taglist: (if you’ve been asked to be tagged and aren’t here, it wouldn’t let me tag some people.)

@firexfate

@blanchedelioncourt

@on-ya

@sunshinedaisies-anddeath

@snowkestrel

@music-indie-tv

@idaofinfinity

@sweetserendipity65

@ramadiiiisme

@k-marzolf

@celestialams

@woowwwee

@noortsshift

@rainbowgoblinfan

@mysweetlittledesire

@promnightbinbaby

@intothesoul

[bettydice]

zero context WIP tag game

If you’re tagged, make a new post and share 1-2 (a few) sentences from your most recent unposted WIP(s) with zero context – Let your followers guess!

considering myself tagged by @loquaciousquark to boost the ask/tag meme economy

1.

11: 35 a.m. Jin Zixuan drives him home and Jiang Cheng is so full of nervous energy, he reciprocates Jin Zixuan’s small talk. He forgets what they’re talking about while they’re talking about it, it’s so boring. To Jiang Cheng’s horror, Jin Zixuan says “Good talk!”, with a short, grateful nod before he drives away. Did they… has he accidentally bonded?! Is Jin Zixuan now going to gravitate towards him during family-related social events, hoping to have another “good talk”?

Fuck! Wei Wuxian, stop ruining my fucking life!

2.

She rolls her eyes, as he expected her to, about his use of ‘unnecessarily big words’. “The per-pe-traders were… well, anyone. Enemies, friends, lovers. Who hasn’t tried to stab me at some point is the better question.” She grins in a way that usually tells him he’ll be somewhat annoyed by what she says next. “Technically, you also tried to stab me in my sleep. With pointy things.”

“Excuse me, do not lump me in with those vile-“

“I know.” For a moment, her face softens, as though she’s afraid her comment has hurt him. Then she lifts an eyebrow and gives him a slightly feral grin. “Do you really think you’d still be around if I’d actually thought you wanted to kill me back then?”

He stares into her eyes for a few seconds while his fingers trace the scars on her neck once more. “No. No, I don’t.”

____________

#1 is a wip that I'll hopefully pick up again ANY DAY NOW PLEASE #2 is only maybe a wip or maybe just a short drabble I wrote to have quark react to it and that's all it'll ever be

oh it said zero context WELL FUCK YOUR RULES tagging @perahn @nelsynoo @faejilly @theherocomplex @piyo-13 (if you have no actual wips, ignore this meme and tell me about possible fic ideas rotating in your brain, lets keep the tag game train going choo choo)

[nian-7]

Heyo, I think matchup reqs are open but if not feel free to ignore (⁠・⁠–⁠・⁠;⁠)⁠ゞ

If it's alright I'd like a romantic and platonic match up for Pjsk and bsd (if not just romantic/ pjsk is fine)

Info:

My names Karma

I'm a minor, 17

I'm afab but I'm Genderfluid and use all pronouns

I'm pretty short for my age, 5’1 the last time I checked unfortunately, sobs. I don't get out much besides going to work for money so I'm pale as hell. I have freckles pretty much everywhere not a whole lot but they're definitely noticeable. I am cursed with a baby face, it gets better when I put on my glasses though, im cursed with terrible vision, I'm not allowed to drive without my glasses it's that bad

My hair is a shaggy wolf cut with curtain bangs, I'm a natural blonde but I always dye my hair ginger cause it's my favorite look on me (I'm trying to look like Chuuya cause I love him sm)

I'm an INFP-T, I'm also Asexual and Panromantic (slightly woman leaning but not an insane amount) I dress in dark academia style almost always: cardigans, sweater vests, long over coats paired with sweaters underneath. I'm very much trying to be that person you fall in love with in the book store 

When I'm in public alone I am very much socially awkward and anxious. I keep to myself and I am terrified of causing trouble for anyone

I tend to be drawn to more loud people; or more like popular/louder people adopt me out of the blue and I go along with it (which is funny considering I'm usually quiet) 

Once I've warmed up with people I very much match energys with whoever I'm with, typically just trying to make friends laugh. I value people's happiness very much

If we're out at a mall or something I'm quieter, but in private I can get very loud 

I also have a very close group of online friends all over the world (Some of us are meeting up soon and I'm very excited)

A lot of people have said that I also have big sister vibes

I do have diagnosed Anxiety and depression, typically I try not to let anyone see that side of me. I can spiral a bit into episodes where I just kind of ghost people and ride out whatever feelings I'm dealing with, then come back about 3-6 days later

I don't really do well with anger in general, weather it be my own or other people's

I also don't really have any appetite most of the time (I'm not sure if it's medical or not) but this can cause me sometimes to get super dizzy out of nowhere because I've forgotten to eat/drink 

I'm a digital artist, and I actually write fanfiction on Tumblr as well. I absolutely love cats, I’d talk about my cat Hazel for hours if I could (She's mean to me but I still love her </3) I also really like Vocaloid/Hatsune Miku music (kinda not surprising considering pjsk lol), I don't usually mention it in person though cause it's embarrassing to explain that shes just a singing hologram

I also have a fox obsession, I own a huge fox plush that takes up a designated corner of my room lol

I don't mind most things personality wise in people, but I do wish to be respected obviously

I like someone I can poke fun at casually and who can poke fun at me as well

My love language is big gift giving (wether it be buying or drawing occasionally) and physical affection (Cuddles always ╥⁠﹏⁠╥)

I've gotten tones of jokes that I only go for gingers, but I have zero preference for looks

I'm an overly patient person and get a little annoyed when people aren't as patient (but it's not a complete put off or anything) 

I also am very much someone who has to be on time. If I am not on time I lose it a bit

I think that's all (Maybe too much ´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`)

But thank you so much in advance! I hope you have an amazing day/week 💟

hi, anon! i haven't read bsd in a while so i'm a little rusty so i only did prsk. hope you still enjoy!

I match you with... (platonically)

Saki Tenma!

-The biggest thing for you to be matched with Saki was the big sister vibes that you mentioned. The dynamic would just be too cute to pass up on!

-I tried to pick a more 'loud' or extroverted person and although I decided to opt for Saki instead of Tsukasa, I think you both would mesh together even when she's not necessarily as loud as her brother.

-Saki is like the person you can fall back onto in social situations when you get anxious. She doesn't mind taking the lead and helping you out when you get nervous.

-She's not someone who gets angry often and tries to be there for you when you ghost her or others. She tries her best to understand what you're feeling and tries to sympathize with you.

-You both having the same energy is something that would make the whole friendship mesh well and she has the capabilities to be calmer or quieter if needed.

I match you with... (romantically)

Shizuku Hinomori!

-Although Shizuku is somewhat different than Saki, I think she's the best match overall. The physical affection she gives to you is one of the big factors.

-As someone who enjoys pda/affection, Shizuku would love to cuddle or hold hands with you all the time. She kisses you in public and just loves to be near you.

-She loves the gifts you give her as well no matter what they are. She'll always gush about them whenever someone asks about something relating to it (whether that embarrasses you or not).

-She's a very light teaser and it comes off more lovingly than anything but she enjoys it when her partner gives her attention through light teasing too.

-Although a bit airheaded, she's treating you similarly to Shiho. Asking always if you're hungry or thirsty, being the talker in public if you need it, etc. She just gives you more romantic affection than sisterly affection (obviously)

[lgchanie]

DATE — 2024년 11월 16일 EVENT —  TEAM UNKNOWN 006 (FINAL MEETING) WORD COUNT — 751

Hanbin walks into the meeting room and breathes in, 'Steady,' he thinks. These last five weeks have flown by, but in that time, he'd poured himself into Team Unknown training and into proving that he was a worthy of being part of Type Zero. Now, sitting across from Coach Jang In-sung, he's ready to share his growth and reflection.

Insung’s gaze met his. "Hanbin, I want you to think back over the past five weeks. What would you say was the hardest part?"

Hanbin thinks for a moment. "The hardest part was pushing past my own doubts," he admitted. "I’ve always put pressure on myself to keep up, especially since everyone here is so talented. There were moments practicing for the evaluations when I wondered if I was enough, if I was doing everything right. I felt the need to stand out but also to keep pace. And... well, balancing that took a toll some days. So, I took time on my own to outside of practice to go over all that I learned, to make those hard steps, moments I can conquer."

Insung nodded, and Hanbin hopes it's a good answer. The coaches knew how every trainee felt. "And what about the easiest part?"

A soft smile creeps onto Hanbin’s face. "Honestly, adapting to everything—the dances, vocals, even the intense schedules. I’ve learned that I’m kind of like a battery, I can charge up and recharge." He chuckled. "It’s easy for me to pick dances up, but I enjoy working on getting better down to the smallest details. When the coaches or fellow members gave me feedback on what to keep doing or not to do, I soaked it all up. I'm like Pikachu for real, there's so much electric energy inside of me. It helps me grow seeing it that way, and I like that feeling. It's a power-up for me."

"So, what have you learned about yourself during this time?"

Hanbin’s expression softens as he thinks about it. "I think I’ve learned that... I have a lot more resilience than I used to give myself credit for. Coming into this, I thought being adaptable would be enough. But I realized I have strength, too, grit and muscles to keep standing back up no matter what. I’ve found that even on my hardest days, I’m determined to keep going. And that’s something new and really special for me and I want to pass that on as an idol."

Insung observed him for a moment before asking, "If you were to debut with the current Type Zero lineup, how would you see yourself fitting in?"

Hanbin brightened at this question, his confidence showing. "I think I’d be the little brother," he says, grinning. "I bring a a lot of youthful energy that could help connect with fans my age. I could be someone younger fans can relate to and look up to and grow up with Type Zero." He paused, feeling a rush of excitement. "And I want to be easy to love—a bit playful, dependable, but still serious about my work, a little boss in my right. I look up to all the members of Type Zero like they're my hyungs already, I know I can become a depabale teammate! Plus, with the way I'm easy to mold, I could bring something fresh and keep the group dynamic lively. I could be that member that everyone feels drawn to fawn over."

The more he talks the more Hanbin feels a surge of motivation. "And going forward, what do you wish to accomplish?"

Hanbin’s gaze turns determined. "I want to be someone who grows so much that no one ever has to question why I’m here. I want to show that I can handle anything, that I’m not just someone who picks things up but someone who masters them. I'll be more than just an idol; I can feature as a model, and do acting gigs. I want to be the kind of idol who's always showing a new side in Type Zero and pushing the industry—a fresh energy, versatility, and someone fans feel like they can’t ignore. From here on, I want to push past every expectation I set for myself and prove that I belong."

With that, Hanbin sits still with his back straight, feeling a mixture of relief and excitement. IThe seal of approval would come in the future, but in that moment, Hanbin felt he proved why his place in Type Zero was a right fit.

[pudgedork]

pinned post!

hey! realised I probably ought to do a pinned post, so here we are.

this is a strictly 18+ blog for feedism kink stuff! if you’re under 18 please go away! also a zero tolerance zone for any bigotry or ed content, and all that stuff.

I’m Pudge! I’m 24 years old, transfem non-binary (she/they) and from the UK (for my sins). I’m quite fond of feedism as you might’ve worked out. I guess I’m both a feedee and feeder? but tbh I prefer to say I’m just generally into feedism. I’ve been into fatness for as long as I can remember, but it took until I came out to really embrace this part of myself.

currently I’m not actively gaining, but I’m not not gaining, if you know what I mean. I’d describe myself as chubby rather than fat at the moment (~200 lbs), but hopefully that might change one day if I meet the right person...

kink stuff:

generally I lean more towards soft feedism and the cosy/romantic side of things, but in a fantasy setting I can go for some of the more intense stuff (immobility, lighter health issues, etc)

light-hearted teasing/humiliation is a big yes, the more explicitly judgemental side of things less so. don’t mind it in fiction, but in reality pls don’t be mean

mutual gaining is my absolute favourite. super hot, but equally romantic and sweet. just very good content

✅ other aspects of feedism I like include outgrowing clothes/furniture/etc, gentle force or funnel feeding, burps/belly noises, and encouragement/mentor stuff

⛔️ things I’m not keen on include inflation, messy/slob stuff (beyond very light examples), pregnancy/breeding, and vore

all fat bodies are rad! from slightly chubby to extremely fat territory, love it all

while I’m personally only attracted to women and femme enbies, all fatness enjoyers are more than welcome here! in my writing I generally try to write from a gender-neutral perspective, so that as many people can share in the squishiness appreciation as possible

other stuff:

I have a chronic illness that pretty much entirely dictates my day-to-day life, and means I don’t have much energy. posts will probably be a bit sporadic because of that, sorry!

fairly sure I’m autistic, but I’ve never been formally diagnosed. given how many times it’s been suggested I should look at pursuing one though, I think I’ve been diagnosed by committee at this point

I came out as trans relatively recently, so I’m still pre-everything. should be starting hormones soon though!

I’m a lesbian, but I’m not actively looking for a relationship right now

DMs are closed, sorry. I’m a pretty socially anxious person, so they’re a bit overwhelming for me. asks are cool though!

I really enjoy writing, which is mostly what I’ll post here. I’m very new to writing kink stuff, so it’s a bit of a learning experience, but one I’m enjoying

love music (though who doesn’t?), mostly punk but also like a bit of indie/alt rock and stuff like that. I’m not a musician though; I don’t have a musical bone in my body unfortunately

my hobbies are all pretty chilled out, partly out of necessity. video games and hours of reading about stuff I find interesting are how I spend a lot of my free time when I’m not resting. I also collect Pokemon cards, because I think the art’s neat :3 (definitely not beating the transfem stereotype allegations here)

I think that’ll do for now, hopefully you enjoy the contents of this blog <3

[dianesnakelake]

How I manage my professional and personal life with my eating disorder and anxiety

Having a routine might seem boring to some, but for me, it’s a vital pillar that helps me manage my anxiety and stay disciplined in both my personal and professional life. Here’s how I organize my days:

My weekly routine:

Every Monday at lunch, I do my grocery shopping for the week. I buy frozen meals with less than 500 calories each, which costs me under 20€ and covers all my lunches at work for the week.

Water is always within reach: I constantly keep a water bottle with me, refilling it as soon as it’s empty. I track every liter I drink using an app to make sure I reach my goal of 3 liters a day.

Heating time = me time: every lunch, while my meal is heating, I take a few minutes to practice breathing exercises and take my supplements.

30 minutes of elliptical after work is a non-negotiable ritual. I adjust the intensity depending on my energy level, but I never skip a session. If I have plans after work, I make sure to get my workout done first. This helps me burn between 400 and 700 calories, depending on the intensity.

After my workout, I stay busy: whether it’s playing video games, hanging out with friends, playing the piano, going for a walk, or watching a movie, my goal is simple: stay away from the kitchen and keep my mind occupied.

If I get too hungry or feel low on energy, I allow myself a sugar-free Coke or an energy drink. I don’t keep any at home, so if I want one, I have to walk 15 minutes to buy it, which helps me limit consumption.

"One snack leads to another": I avoid fast food and sugary treats because they can trigger a binge, and I’d rather not take that risk.

The things I still struggle with:

I’d like to incorporate breathing exercises in the morning when I wake up and at night before bed, but I often forget.

I don’t reach 10,000 steps a day yet. My job helps me reach around 4,500 steps without noticing, but I try to take a walk after my workout when possible.

On weekends, I’m less strict about counting calories. Sometimes, I’ll allow myself two meals in a day, but it’s rare because I’ve noticed binge episodes are more likely when I have a second meal.

Going out with friends often means being exposed to alcohol… and we all know how many calories are in beer! I’d like to stick more to zero-calorie sodas during social events to control my calorie intake better.

This routine helps me maintain a sense of balance, despite the challenges. Each day is a step forward, and I’m proud of the progress I’ve made. ✨

[of-apollo]

Hi:) I'm jumping in for a Ted Lasso ship request if that's fine? I also hope this isn't too much?

I'm a generally loud and friendly person, like my laugh is obnoxious but infectious is what I've been told? I love going out and exploring, trying new things. Museums, water parks, the beach, concerts. I like just seeing what life has to offer, ya know? But I also love my quiet days in, relaxing with a warm cup of herbal tea and a book in hand or a show playing. I also love going to the mall or just shops in general. I don't necessarily buy stuff- that's a lie- but more so I get lost in my own little world, ya know? So much so that I just wander off wherever feels right without my friends noticing. I've been threatened countless times by a bell during those moments. I also love the dad jokes and puns, like it's a packaged deal. Also, spur of the moment tats and piercings and hair color/cuts? I'm getting a new tat on the Friday 13th to go with my other Friday 13th random tat I got- it's a soap bottle cause COVID started that year and she put it on there as a joke.

I have zero preference on gender and tend to find myself falling for just about anyone. Like, my taste in people isn't set. I just like people, ya know?

Oh, I'm also going for a degree in cybersecurity currently, with the goals of working in the computer forensics field. Specifically because I'd like to do something to try and protect kids on the Internet from predators, ya know? I know nothing about computers beyond the basics, but that's the challenge I've set for myself.

I ship you with Dani Rojas!

As soon as I saw loud and friendly, I had an inkling I’d be giving you Dani! He’s like a golden retriever in human form, he’d be good with someone who matches his energy and you would do so PERFECTLY.

Dani loves exploring, especially as he hasn’t always lived in London. He would drag you to any new exhibition, restaurant or whatever looks fun, and you would to the same to him. You’d definitely have a corny little scrapbook to remember everything.

Even though you both love being out and about, Dani is also down for a quiet day in. His life is hectic, and he needs to wind down, so a cup of herbal tea and a good book suits you both perfectly.

With shopping, you and Dani would definitely get lost in the mall together. He’d be glued to your side so he can spoil you with you mention liking. I can also see him loving walking around garden centres for some reason, so you’ll always get a plant or five.

Dani is 100% a puns and dad jokes lover. You teach him so many stupid ones that he uses on the team to a point where they beg you to stop. You’d definitely be the type of couple to buy each other corny joke books at Christmas.

Would LOVE your tattoos and is always trying to help you pick your next one. He’d mention an idea offhandedly and then is amazed in a few weeks time when you spontaneously get it. Definitely takes pictures of it and brags to his friends.

I think Dani would find your degree fascinating, but would be absolutely clueless on the subject himself. He tries to sit at the table with you when you study but even the sight of your textbooks and the content on your laptop makes his head spin.