#i‘m a lonely loner

[palefox-7]

hi!

anyone know of any system friendly 13+ discord servers?

[echidnasdiary]

i got sick and i have a fever and now i need to take care of myself because i can’t get my granny sick (i‘m afraid that it’s covid) and OH BOY HOW LONELY CAN YOU FEEL lmao i cried 5 times today because i just want someone to pat my head but the loser that i am decided to be a fucking loner :———D fml

[outofbluecomesgreen2]

1. I have 9 works but three of them are translations I made, so it’s actually 6

2.My total wordcount for English fanfic is 249.825 and for German: 101001 (funny number, but, it’s correct 🤓)

3.My fandom is Supernatural. I‘m a 100%destielshipper (while I‘m trying to establish some ships which includes side characters like Gordon Walker or Ellen Harvelle🥰) AND I wrote a mashup, so technically I have another fandom: It’s a wonderful life (1946)

4.My top 5 by kudos are: 1.Boxed in (in the box of truth),2.Thursday is for the lonely people,3.The Holiday Episode,4.Damn Witch!, 5. Having Scars (…with the amount of 13 kudos 🫣)

6. I don’t get too much comments anyway, so yes, I totally can afford the time to answer them. 🥸 I furthermore think, it’s a matter of mutual respect to answer comments in general. I like to write comments too. Whenever I read a good written fic and/or a sweet fic, when I see there‘s a person who laid their heart in their work, me, as a reader I feel the need to say „Thank you“ to give me that.

For me, this is fandom. To be in contact with the writers.

7. The happiest ending? That’s simple: Thursday is for the lonely people!! It’s a Christmas fic, so it needs to have a happy ending, otherwise I would have been a cheater, but, yeah, definitely Thursday!!

8. Yeah. I had two Trolls on Having Scars. One was devastating, mean and unfair, the other one made me write „Thursday…“ AND made me rewrite „Having Scars“, which was one of my best decisions EVER!

9. Smut… Yeah, I write smut: On Having Scars, there are two smut chapters with explicit smut inside, and right now I‘m working on my first BDSM story 🥳

10. I wrote a mashup between Supernatural and It’s a wonderful life, so - yes, but I wouldn’t say this is what I generally would like to do. My fandom is Supernatural and I ship destiel. That’s my thing.

11. Nobody steel my stuff. I barely have readers.

12. 3 of my fics are translations. I‘m German

13.No I never have cowritten a fic. I‘m a loner basically

14. My all time favorite ship? Simple: Destiel 💚💙

15. Everything I start I will end. Otherwise my brain will be blocked with an unfinished fic and my head starts scratching me. ☹️

16. My writing strengths? I work my ass off. That’s my strength. I need my sentences to be as perfect as they can be. I ask for help and work with Betareaders (and totally appreciate their amount of help! What they are doing is amazing!)

I could rewrite and rewrite the whole day long, just to get a paragraph fixed.

I do a lot of research. As much as the text needs.

I‘m aware that me and my ego is unimportant compared with the text itself.

My writing strength is, that when I‘m writing a fic, all my senses, whatever I‘m doing, is nothing compared with the fic in my head that needs to be written down.

17. My writing weekness I would say is that my origin language is German. I mostly write my texts in my mothers tongue, because I can express myself more better in this language and than I translate it. This takes time. I‘m grateful to have Betareaders who don’t complain in checking my grammar.

If I could turn back time I wished I could have been more focused in learning German Grammar AND to learn better English as well.

18. Does Scottish count as another language? I also put some German words here and there in „Thursday…“ Playing with different languages is kind of my secret kink I would say.

19. First and last fandom of my heart: Supernatural 💚💙

20. My fics are so much under the radar. At least I know they are existing, but to name one them? I can’t choose one. They are my baby‘s, my heart and soul.

I‘m so damn proud of „Thursday is for the lonely people“ and I personally think I wrote a real good fic. I „nailed“ it I would say. And than came „Having Scars“ around, which is not as perfect as Thursday I think, because of the difficult start, but I worked my ass off for this fic and my Betareader‘s (god bless them! 😇) were so supportive! So, yeah, I would like to name „Having Scars“ as well.

I learned so much about me during the writing process of Having Scars and Thursday… and this is my personal highlight.

(Thank you for giving me the chance to express myself here. Nice idea though. Can’t wait to read what the others have to say)

@msmorningstaarr

@aishitara

20 Questions For Writers

Tagged by the lovely @mercurialkitty

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 10

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 61,854

3. What fandoms do you write for? Supernatural, Marvel (comics and MCU), Our Flag Means Death, Castle, 9-1-1, House MD, Psych, Malevolent Podcast, The Magnus Archives, Hermitcraft, Life Series, and Good Omens

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? A Heart Of Iron, All I Want, What happens when superheroes and Twitter mix, Turning Page, and 3am Cookies

5. Do you respond to comments? I try, but I'm kinda scared to lol

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Hasn't ended yet, but AHOI is definitely my angstiest fic

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? All I Want

8. Do you get hate on fics? Nope!

9. Do you write smut? Not yet, but I might if I get the right request

10. Do you write crossovers? Yup! :>

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not as as far as I know

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Starting the Stream was originally gonna be co-written, but that fell through

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Ooh, hard one. Probably Frostiron or Spideypool just because that's what I grew up

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Starting the Stream

16. What are your writing strengths? I will go to extreme lengths to make it accurate. All of the Old Norse in AHOI has been translated as best I could into Old Norse via an Old Norse dictionary and then transfered into the runic alphabet

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Sticking to a wip other than AHOI

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Only if I have a comprehensive online dictionary I can use and even then I only do dead languages that will be less jarring to readers if I get grammar wrong

19. First fandom you wrote for? I am very not proud of it but I wrote a (now orphaned) DSMP fic back in april 2022 that is one of the cringiest fics I have ever wrote

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? AHOI purely because of Kosto. I could go on for hours about his lore

Taglist (no pressure)

@fionaswhvre @shineforthee @babyblue-mind @outofbluecomesgreen2 @disabled-dean

@faithdeans @theresalwaysfanfiction

[slashnatic]

SOULMATE [Vincent Sinclair]

okay i have a few things to say about this. one: i’m mad because i’m typing this for like the 100th time because i can’t handle tumblr. i’m a dumbass. two: i’m not american and therefore don’t know too much about the american school system. three: i don’t know much about foster care either (it’s only briefly mentioned but still). now the story itself is kinda cliché and i’m sorry for the unoriginality. basically the story is a soulmate!au (everytime you pass your soulmate a line appears on your wrist, the lines only disappear once you’ve “connected” with your soulmate) and the reader and vincent are highschool students. i believe this is obvious in the story, but as i said i’m a dumbass and i don’t want to confuse y���all so yeah. anyways, that being said i hope this is not too bad :) enjoy

You took a deep breath before you entered the room. Normally you weren‘t bothered by your art classes, you actually liked them, but school was school and you‘d rather be at home than be here. On top of that you were insanely tired today, you hadn‘t slept all night. It wasn‘t such a rare occasion that you didn‘t sleep but the reason that you were up all night was something that you were thinking about more and more as of lately. Soulmates. A wonderful thing. You had never actually questioned the concept of soulmates, you hadn’t cared too much about it either, but recently the thought of your soulmate plagued you more and more. You just couldn‘t find them. Normally that wouldn‘t be too much of a problem, you were 17 years old, a senior in highschool. You were young, your life had yet to start. Who on earth found their soulmate at such a young age? Well, most people didn‘t, for sure. But you were different. You didn‘t know anymore when it had started, one or two years ago, you didn‘t remember exactly. But ever since then, just before midnight, almost everyday, a little mark appeared on your wrist. Back then you didn‘t care too much but now you started to worry. You were close to graduating highschool. You‘d move away soon, you had applied for college and had been accepted. But that also meant you‘d move away, which had become a problem after you first started questioning your soulmate a couple of months ago. Last summer break there had barely appeared a single mark, but once school had started again, so did the regular appearing of the little fine lines. Your soulmate was another student from your highschool. The realization kept you up many nights and the more you thought about it the more problems you discovered. It could be anyone out of a little less than a thousand students. (You were pretty sure it wasn‘t a teacher.) You didn‘t actually talk much to any of those students. No one you had talked to had that much marks on their wrist, at least you hadn‘t noticed anyone who did. Worst of all, you didn‘t actually like anyone you had talked to. Sure, there were a couple of kids who seemed to be alright, but no more than that. Nevertheless you didn‘t want to possibly spend the rest of your days alone, so you panicked a little more with everyday closer to your high school diploma. And with that thought in mind you entered the class room.

You huffed quietly when the teacher announced that you may now decide who you want to team up with for the second last art project of your time as a highschool student. Good. Very good. Absolutely wonderful. Having to work with someone together on an art project was one thing, having to pick the partner yourself another. Everyone had already jumped up, teaming up with their best friend as fast as possbile, while you sat there, lost, letting your eyes wander around the room. Everyone was loudly discussing anything but the art project with their friend, except for Vincent. You didn‘t want to work on this with Vincent. Not because you didn‘t like him or because that would fuck up the project for you, but rather because he was a loner. You liked loners, but kept your distance figuring that they, or at least Vincent, preferred loneliness. Ever since he had transferred to your school he had spent each and every one of the breaks alone. Of course the bullying hadn‘t gone unnoticed by you, but he had never seemed too bothered by it. You stared at the floor as you realized how stupid that was. No one is not bothered by bullying. And Vincent wore a mask everyday, so of course no one would notice if he showed any reaction if it wasn‘t physical. You took another minute to think about that and about the fact that Vincent was actually very talented, before you made your way over to him. You stood at his table for a few seconds then, hoping he‘d react and when he didn‘t you cleared your throat. Only then he looked up and you smiled shyly. “Uh, hi. I thought we could...uh, I thought we could work on this together...if you‘d like to?“ He stared at you blankly and your cheeks slowly started heating up. “I mean, you’re good. Uh, I mean with art...and stuff.“ Wow. That was awkward. You nervously scratched your arm and only stopped when he nodded slowly. This could‘ve been worse.

Three weeks later you walked out of that same classroom, trying to stop yourself from smiling. Since you had approached Vincent you had spent quite some time together and he seemed to be slowly warming up to you. He didn‘t look away anymore when you made eye contact, he gave you at least a nod when he saw you in the school building aside from the breaks you spent together once in a while and today you even joked around a bit! He didn‘t talk much, until today he had barely said a word, but when he talked he was quite sassy! You had to suppress a giggle, thinking about the remarks he had made about this and that. A month ago you wouldn‘t have thought he would be so much fun to be around. You sighed heavily, thinking about that. A month closer to your highschool diploma. A month further from your soulmate. With exiting the school building you shrugged your shoulders. You‘ll probably die alone, but when the time would come you‘d know you at least had a friend back in highschool.

“Look Vinny, it’s soo cute!” You and Vincent had decided to go on a walk, the weather had been too tempting. When you had spotted the animal shelter he couldn’t resist your puppy eyes (pun not intended) and now here you were. Both watching a sleeping puppy. Its fur was white and black and you figured it was a mongrel. And you were absolutely in love with the little furball. He chuckled at your adoration for the pup. His eyes lingered on your frame just a little longer than neccessary. Lately he felt sad or rather melancholy when he was around you. At times he even wished he had never befriended you because soon you’d leave and he no longer would be a part of your life, but therefore more lonely than he had ever been before. You felt his eyes on you and looked up at him to gave him a little smile. Strange. This had happened more and more recently, he’d just look at you. Even stranger was that you catched yourself doing the same and you didn’t know why. It happened in that moment and in many more moments that day.

At the end of the day you were sitting on a little hill, not far away from Vincent’s hometown Ambrose. The foster home he -rather forcibly-lived in was apparently not to far away from the small town. Now you enjoyed the soft breeze of spring air and the golden light of the sun, which would soon be setting. The two of you hadn‘t talked about it, but you knew you were trying to make some more good memories before you left for college. You lost yourself in a train of thoughts when suddenly the image of the two you kissing popped up in your head. What the hell? You looked awkwardly at the ground, ripping a bit of grass out of it, trying to distract yourself with something. It didn‘t work. Now the thought was there and it wouldn‘t leave. You took a deep breath before you spoke up. “Have you ever had a girlfriend, Vince?“ He looked at you surprised, before shaking his head, eyes fixated on the floor, now finding the grass very interesting too. “Were you ever in love?“ Your eyes were glued to him, waiting for a reaction. You knew him well enough to interpret any little gesture at least fairly correct. But there wasn‘t much of a reaction, he was thinking, debating how to answer until he decided on a simple shrug. You chuckled. “So...you haven‘t found your soulmate then?“ He brushed his hand through his hair before shaking his head again. You heard him mumble a quiet ‘unfortunately‘, muffled by his mask, as he looked down again. “Me neither.“ Now was the perfect moment to finally talk about what had been on your mind for so long, to finally get rid of that burden you carried with you for months, years even. Who else would you tell about your worries? “I...I have the marks you know? A lot of them. I see my soulmate almost everyday, but I still haven’t found them. I‘m...I‘m scared.“ When you looked up from the green surrounding you your eyes met his immediately. He was staring at you intensely, in a way you couldn‘t read. “Is this supposed to be a staring contest? Vincent, I-“ He pulled his sweater up and there they were. His marks. They looked just like yours. Of course, everyone had those lines, but he had just as much as you. You reached out for his wrist, caressing the fine imprints. Your breathing was uneven, your heartbeat was fast and your mind was empty. It was as if someone else took control of your body when you pushed his mask up, carelessly letting it fall to the ground, and softly pressed your lips to his. And it was as if someone else took control of his body when he let you. Your thoughts were racing, with his lips on yours and a burning sensation far from pain on your wrist. You parted only when the sensation had stopped, still not understanding what just happened, not knowing how you felt but passively registering that everything was alright now, that everything would be alright from now on. You shot a quick look at your wrist, the lines now gone. A smile formed on your lips as the realization set in. And then he leaned his forehead against yours, with his eyes closed.

You sat there for hours and only left when the sun had long disappeared and the moon and stars were your only light besides each other. Yes, everything was alright now. Everything would be alright from now on.

[thesidefckngblog]

I’m so happy I’ve finally found people like me, albeit online.

like I’m not a loser okay or atleast I’m not a lonely loner. my community is thriving and i‘m an ardent member

[mindsemiosis]

if she really loves me, why she didn‘t put the effort in to really make me feel appreciated and understood? why she just accepted that it ended and didn’t tried to find a solution. why she didn’t fought for it like I did all the time, still after all those wounds and all the hurt I got from her. fuck this shit. yeah… she never really cared about me and how I’m doing. she gave a fuck about me in the past and never really changed. her feelings were always more important than mine. she just wants to missunderstand me all the time. I’m a fucking real one, thats why I‘m still available and would always be, that’s why I always try to understand. she always blocked me after I couldn’t stand her disrespect anymore. why am I this stupid again to think someone would really try as hard as I do? If she had really cared about me, her actions had shown me. but all I saw was betrayal and her not caring about how I‘m doing. people make me sick. it‘s sad but the truth is I‘m always better off alone. I can care a lot better for myself than anyone else, because it’s always just about them and I’m happy to help. yeah but fuck this. I will stop that now. I’m now 26 years old and I met a lot of people in my life and never got to know a person which is as loyal, thoughtful and dedicated to selfimprovement as I am. I‘m totally capable to perform in life and chase my dreams alone. the funny thing is that I’m even more focused, if I’m all by my own. Sure I don’t have any people around me which suck my energy and disrespect me in return. but sometimes I feel so lonely on this way… I just want one fucking person who really cares, loves and supports me… but yeah I guess I have to walk this path alone and just keep doing my stuff. I‘m too old fashioned for this generation. loyality and commitment means nothing these days. I will stay like this, living like a real men and I will not lower my standards for anyone anymore. never again. you‘re disrespecting me and know what you do? there is the door. I deserve better, I know that. I know my value and I know that someone out there will see that too and will put in the effort to stay with me, stay patient with me and keep up with me to improve herself for the better, just as I do. I will do everything for her, protect, fight, provide. I mean it. I don’t care, absolutely anything. If a women is really this commited and sincere towards me. If feel that she respects and values me. I will give her everything. I need this kind of loyality to fully commit myself, so that I know my efforts are not wasted. I will not waste the time I got on this planet earth… doing stupid stuff like putting my energy into people which are not fully loyal in return. My path is the path of a conscious warrior and all which really counts in my life. The person by my side has to accept that I will always improve and develop myself. I will not stop doing this, even if it means lots of pain and lots of struggle. Even if I loose everything… this path will remain. I would die for my values and my family. People who have no core beliefs and are double-faced I hate the mosf. People who use other people for their own interests. But people who have a mission, who believe in something worthwhile and dedicate their life to this.. these people got my respect. People who live for something bigger than themselves and thus they become something bigger than ordinary people who are just invested in their small ego-centred life. It‘s just so frustrating, that you‘re most of the time a loner, if you think that way. If you live by your own rules and give a fuck about what others think. If you’re not distract yourself. If you’re facing your shadows, failures and pain. If you care deeply about this world and want to raise the bar for humanity. There is no way other than to overcome yourself again and again. Using all the painful experiences which make you harder and colder for selfdevelopment. It‘s a flex for me to remain calm in every situation. She fucks other guys? It will hurt, it will break my heart and then I will become cold as hell. I know myself.

[catarilus]

i‘ve felt a lot less lonely when i had no friends, deep down i‘m still a loner

[whatthechrysanthemumknows]

“Lone Dog”

“Lone Dog | I'M a lean dog, a keen dog, a wild dog, and lone; I'm a rough dog, a tough dog, hunting on my own” #poem #poetryreading #motivationmonday #loner #asmr #asmrreading #asmrvideo #lonedog #irenerutherfordmcleod >>>

https://whatthechrysanthemumknows.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Lone-Dog.mp4 #poem #poetryreading #motivationmonday #loner #asmr #asmrreading #asmrvideo #lonedog #irenerutherfordmcleod   I‘M a lean dog, a keen dog, a wild dog, and lone; I’m a rough dog, a tough dog, hunting on my own; I’m a bad dog, a mad dog, teasing silly sheep; I love to sit and bay the moon, to keep fat souls from sleep.…

[maroseraie]

She pressed her lips against the cigarette between her tender fingers, exhaled the smoke and let it diffuse in the cold december air. Then she gazed up at the night sky. „I‘m such a loner“ she thought. She thought of the man she loved, how she didn‘t even let him close enough to see the depth of her past and present. The dark and blank spaces. Then she began laughing at herself. She wondered how the people around her lived with having a best friend they didn‘t even know. Someone who never gets a hold of any of them. A girl who will always isolate herself when people get too close. The ash fell to the ground and was blown gone by rhe wind, just like every new bond she tried to make with anyone. She destroyed her own projects, she was a lonely happy person, a loner who liked people close. If there wasn‘t this fear. The feeling that any kind of love given to her was too much to ask. This fear that people would be scared off by everything she really was. A sigh. The friday night of a loner.