#i wsnt to date her

[mooncalf87]

When I send her those pov videos and say "us <3" im falling for her so fast and so hard im actually going insane

[j00stkl31n]

So you were in an open relationship?

I guess yeah that’s another word for it. It didn’t feel super open cuz they’d be all flirty with girls then I’d talk about someone and they’d get all quiet and not care at all :/// so it was okay for them to date around just not me 😓

Like the main diff is like open relationship are more for hook ups and this was like a proper relationship and they were continuing to look for more partners. While I sat there feeling under loved and appreciated they were looking for someone else to spread themself thinner with 🙃🙃🙃

Gods talking about this all is undoing some vault memories I wish I didn’t open :/ cuz like man wtf where some of the things they made me deal with ://///

[captainlunaxmen]

No Complaints

Billy Hargove x fem!reader

Request: Can you do Bily Hargrove /innocent reader?

No one, and I mean, no one, would've expected someone like Billy Hargrove to date someone like me.

Like, compared to him, I'm not... very experienced, in relationships and shit, so yeah him being actually interested and also this patient is very unexpected, even for me.

This never stopped him from being all touchy and clingy, he always manages to find an excuse to touch me, not that I'm complaining, he never pressured me into doing it.

That's why I want to give him a little treat. Or at least I'll try to.

Today we study together, he needs to pass English so I offer to help. I just might heva a good incentive in mind.

"Why, tell me, do I have to study this guy writing about this... foursome?" Billy asks me, bored.

We have to study "midsummer's night dream" by Shakespeare.

"Because one, it's not a foursome, two there's so much more to see if you just focus" I gently tell him.

"It's boring"

"It's really not" I tell him with a small laugh.

"It is"

"It's not, c'mon, focus.. for me?" I look at him with doe eyes to trying and convince him.

"You and those eyes of yours don't help me, you know? I can't focus with you beside me" he looks at my lips with a teasing grin.

"Billy" I say rolling my eyes and turning back at the notes in front of me.

"Y/n" he answers mimicking my tone.

I ignore him and start to write something on my notes when his hand moves to my leg.

"Y/n" he says again, using that tone he knows makes me melt.

I feel him moving right next to me, he then moves some of my hair away from my neck to start leaving kisses on my neck.

"Billy..." I warn.

"Yeah?" He not-so-nnocently asks.

"We need... w-we need to... we need to s-study" I stutter.

"How can I study when you stutter so prettily?" He teases.

I decide so suddenly move away, gaining a whine from him..

"How about this? We study, for each correct answer you get to either kiss me wherever you wsnt, or you get a kiss" I suggest.

I feel his face lighten up at the suggestion.

"Fine" he finally says.

We did study, he tried more, thank goodness.

He actually put some effort, which is already enough, if I think about it.

"So... where are my rewards?" He asks after we're done.

"Told you, each correct answer"

"Then ask me" he says.

"No, silly, at the test on Monday." I say, with a small smirk.

"There a test on Monday?" He asks surprised

"Why do you think we've been studying this whole time?" I ask laughing.

"I... you tricked me"

"I helped you study" I correct him.

"You little minx" he says.

"I'm just a good girlfriend who helped her boyfriend study" I shrug.

A week has passed, we had the test and we also got the results.

Billy and I decided to look at his while together at his house.

"So.. you think you did a good job?" I ask him.

"An amazing job" he says proudly.

"Let's see" I say starting to read his test.

"Okay... yeah... oh.."

"Well?" He asks expecting.

"You got 7 correct answer out of 10. Congratulations, baby"

"Ah ah!" He exclaims. "So? My rewards?"

"Well.. you got 7 correct answers so... you get 7 kisses wherever you want or you either kiss me wherever you want" I explain to him again.

He immediately pulls me to him looking downa at me.

"Wherever?" He asks, a teasing grin on his face, but a sweet tone, more to see if I'm actually comfortable with it.

To answer his question I just lead him to his bed.

"Wherever" I assure him.

Without hesitating he kisses me, sweetly but passionately.

"One" he says after pulling away.

He then moves to my neck kissing it hungrily.

"Two"

He then looks at me, one of his hand playing with the buttons of my shirt.

"Can.. I?" He asks.

I nod.

"Really?" He asks, incredulously.

"Yes" I laugh.

He looks at me like a kid allowed to have another slice of cake.

He unbutton my shirt, moving down to immediately kiss my chest, between my breasts.

"Three"

He moves to kiss my right boob.

"Four"

The left boob.

"Five"

He moves lower, but stops, looking at me.

He doesn't want to make me uncomfortable, I know that.

I take his hands and move the to my jeans, silently telling him he can remove them.

He does just that and remove my jeans.

"You're fucking perfect" he says, making me blush like crazy.

He kisses just above my panties.

"Six" he smirks.

"Fuck me" I suddenly say.

He looks at me as if I turned into an elephant.

"What?" He asks.

I take a deep breath grabbing his hand again.

"Fuck me..?" I half question.

"Are you asking me, sweetheart?" He teases climbing back up to face me.

"Mhmm" I nod.

"You sure? We don't have to"

"I want to"

"You really want to?" He asks again.

"Yes, Billy"

"Okay then, get dress" he tells me getting up.

"Uh?" I ask confused sitting up. "I don't understand" I half laugh.

He walks back to me kneeling in front of me.

"I want it to be perfect for you. I don't want it to be a reward for me, so now I'm taking you out on a proper date, a nice dinner wherever you like and then take care of you"

I'm a little surprised by his actions, he always manages to leave me speechless.

"Is that okay?" He asks with slight worried expression.

"Yeah.. yeah! Of course" I reassure him immediately.

I quickly get dress.

He then grabs my hand leading me out, but before getting put of the door he stops to kiss me sweetly.

"And that's seven" he smirks, dragging me out to his car, making me laugh.

My god.. he's gonna be the death of me.

Not that I'm complaining.

[impgall]

I wish I wsnt weird about days/dates/times I wish I could be normal but it's been 9 years today since my dog was put down and you know in slaughterhouse five. Like the book. You know how the main guy unintentionally time traveled throughout periods of his life but as a metaphor for ptsd. I don't even have ptsd, my dog died very gently and I miss her but there was nothing traumatic about it I just have the bad kind of OCD where I have to be weird about days&dates and now I'm that 15yo girl in my moms car on a Tuesday, it's raining and my dog is dead in the trunk. The antidepressants don't help, this happens every April 14th, every Feb 28th, every Jan 10th, every March 3rd, the 19th of every month some Saturdays so on so on so on. The rest of the time I can live with the little quirks of being weird abt days&dates, like the colors and scents and symbols and omens but rn it sucks and is disordered. How can I go into work like this

[azlovesem]

Hey i otobsbly have more ecoeriencecwith trans people than you. I trird to date dome girl guys daughter back in George Brown Gollege. I cantvremember hardly no ones name not the girls or her mom dads. She was a giy thats a girl now and shes stll raiding her dsughter. Whose like 19. Im 26 fresh out of pridon where i really fudnt behacecwell. My gamg snd i just i font jnow. Hit put of hsnd and some guy caught fulire i got blsmed. Supposedly cause i tried yo torch some oyher giy from my hometown. That story isnt nice. But this giy girks daughtercwas do nice. She sctually teminds me of yiu a little. Ha ha ua ha ahhh ha hga her hee hee. No cute ehote artistic. Dhe had hearing sids but was etill realky heautiful everyone loblved her and she used yo yhtow parties. Her mom dad and i got slong i was closer to his her age we drank whiskey. They had a nice place by the school. I somehow went ftom prison hellosh fun to nice theatre school all within a month rvteo. Ha ha ha ha. I was seliing drugs eith this cripple guybyhe ifiot who loved natslie portmsn. Well this awesome hitks mom dad saw me eith a gn and thst was thsn on tgst. She he told me my daughter is very kind snd ssnsitive. I voukd tell therecwas something a bout you. You can still come arpund please font try yo date my daughter. So i said ok im lokn that may lee thesecdays too. I dont wsnt yo get into how dhe saw CB me with a gin. Its stupid done asshole tuined my nice time with her. Its dtupid i fo g rvrn wanna say. I looknip there dhe is oops yhsts yhe spartmenr im wasted in their parking lot. Its vlose to gregs i was dropping off done drugs yo sone asshole i almost had to kill.

Emma Watson forever

🩷❤️‍🩹🩷❤️‍🩹🩷❤️‍🩹🩷

[predestinatos]

LOL now i wsnt to know why that girl hates u

it's a long story but i'll try to make it make sense.

basically she got along with a girl who liked me, yet i did not reciprocate her feelings. i liked her a lot as a friend and that's it. she went to visit me when i was in erasmus and it was very fun but, again, nothing happened. i was in my wild insane phase and had fun with people i met at clubs but not with her because i did not want to hurt her feelings as i knew she saw me as more than friends.

she told that girl about stuff, probably said that i slept around a lot which in the erasmus part was sort of true. when i came back from erasmus i started hanging out with my boyfriend (at the time he wasn't my boyfriend, we were getting to know each other) and that girl is from his class (small town problems).

so she went and told him that i slept around a lot and that he should be careful. it hurt me because i did not know that girl from anywhere, like... it was just shitty that she could've ruined my relationship due to a past i had. it was slut shaming at its finest but also what i did previously has nothing to do with anyone AND he was well aware of my past when i started talking to him because i was open about that being behind me. ANYWAYS.

then me and my bf started dating 1 or 2 months after all this and she told some of her friends it was weird that me and him weren't very touchy? which like.. is none of her business and she barely even saw us together and we HAD just started dating- pda was still weird and all. also his first relationship. tw// also i was abused in my previous one. ANYWAYS AGAIN.

she soft blocked me on ig as well and i was like :| i don't know you i'm a chill person actually. so the night my bf and whole like... uni major? had a dinner party he invited me and i went and we all drank and stuff so i was tipsy and outside and i asked her "why do you hate me?"

and she said she didn't, she thought I hated HER and i asked why she said those things about me and she explained that at the time it was what she knew bla bla LONG STORY SHORT we're fine now i'm pretty chill tbh.

[wolftoes]

I just met a super buff lady at a pet store and I think I'm in love

[lunamadhatter99]

No complain

Billy Hargrove x fem!reader

This is the first stranger things request I ever got so.. I hope you guys like it🤞😂

If you want to request a story, go headed.

Requested: Can you do billy Hargrove/innocent reader.

By @Rissy1012

No one, and I mean, no one, would've expected someone like Billy Hargrove to date someone like me.

Like, compared to him, I'm not... very experienced, in relationships and shit, so yeah him being actually interested and also this patient is very unexpected, even for me.

This never stopped him from being all touchy and clingy, he always manages to find an excuse to touch me, not that I'm complaining, he never pressured me into doing it.

That's why I want to give him a little treat. Or at least I'll try to.

Today we study together, he needs to pass English so I offer to help. I just might heva a good incentive in mind.

"Why, tell me, do I have to study this guy writing about this... foursome?" Billy asks me, bored.

We have to study "midsummer's night dream" by Shakespeare. 

"Because one, it's not a foursome, two there's so much more to see if you just focus" I gently tell him.

"It's boring"

"It's really not" I tell him with a small laugh.

"It is"

"It's not, c'mon, focus.. for me?" I look at him with doe eyes to trying and convince him.

"You and those eyes of yours don't help me, you know? I can't focus with you beside me" he looks at my lips with a teasing grin.

"Billy" I say rolling my eyes and turning back at the notes in front of me.

"Y/n" he answers mimicking my tone.

I ignore him and start to write something on my notes when his hand moves to my leg.

"Y/n" he says again, using that tone he knows makes me melt.

I feel him moving right next to me, he then moves some of my hair away from my neck to start leaving kisses on my neck.

"Billy..." I warn.

"Yeah?" He not-so-nnocently asks.

"We need... w-we need to... we need to s-study" I stutter.

"How can I study when you stutter so prettily?" He teases.

I decide so suddenly move away, gaining a whine from him..

"How about this? We study, for each correct answer you get to either kiss me wherever you wsnt, or you get a kiss" I suggest.

I feel his face lighten up at the suggestion.

"Fine" he finally says.

We did study, he tried more, thank goodness.

He actually put some effort, which is already enough, if I think about it. 

"So... where are my rewards?" He asks after we're done.

"Told you, each correct answer"

"Then ask me" he says.

"No, silly, at the test on Monday." I say, with a small smirk.

"There a test on Monday?" He asks surprised

"Why do you think we've been studying this whole time?" I ask laughing. 

"I... you tricked me"

"I helped you study" I correct him.

"You little minx" he says.

"I'm just a good girlfriend who helped her boyfriend study" I shrug.

A week has passed, we had the test and we also got the results.

Billy and I decided to look at his while together at his house.

"So.. you think you did a good job?" I ask him.

"An amazing job" he says proudly.

"Let's see" I say starting to read his test.

"Okay... yeah... oh.."

"Well?" He asks expecting.

"You got 7 correct answer out of 10. Congratulations, baby"

"Ah ah!" He exclaims. "So? My rewards?"

"Well.. you got 7 correct answers so... you get 7 kisses wherever you want or you either kiss me wherever you want" I explain to him again.

He immediately pulls me to him looking downa at me.

"Wherever?" He asks, a teasing grin on his face, but a sweet tone, more to see if I'm actually comfortable with it.

To answer his question I just lead him to his bed.

"Wherever" I assure him.

Without hesitating he kisses me, sweetly but passionately. 

"One" he says after pulling away.

He then moves to my neck kissing it hungrily.

"Two"

He then looks at me, one of his hand playing with the buttons of my shirt.

"Can.. I?" He asks.

I nod.

"Really?" He asks, incredulously.

"Yes" I laugh.

He looks at me like a kid allowed to have another slice of cake.

He unbutton my shirt, moving down to immediately kiss my chest, between my breasts.

"Three"

He moves to kiss my right boob.

"Four"

The left boob.

"Five"

He moves lower, but stops, looking at me.

He doesn't want to make me uncomfortable, I know that.

I take his hands and move the to my jeans, silently telling him he can remove them.

He does just that and remove my jeans.

"You're fucking perfect" he says, making me blush like crazy.

He kisses just above my panties.

"Six" he smirks.

"Fuck me" I suddenly say.

He looks at me as if I turned into an elephant.

"What?" He asks.

I take a deep breath grabbing his hand again.

"Fuck me..?" I half question.

"Are you asking me, sweetheart?" He teases climbing back up to face me.

"Mhmm" I nod.

"You sure? We don't have to"

"I want to"

"You really want to?" He asks again.

"Yes, Billy"

"Okay then, get dress" he tells me getting up.

"Uh?" I ask confused sitting up. "I don't understand" I half laugh.

He walks back to me kneeling in front of me.

"I want it to be perfect for you. I don't want it to be a reward for me, so now I'm taking you out on a proper date, a nice dinner wherever you like and then take care of you"

I'm a little surprised by his actions, he always manages to leave me speechless.

"Is that okay?" He asks with slight worried expression.

"Yeah.. yeah! Of course" I reassure him immediately. 

I quickly get dress.

He then grabs my hand leading me out, but before getting put of the door he stops to kiss me sweetly.

"And that's seven" he smirks, dragging me out to his car, making me laugh.

My god.. he's gonna be the death of me.

Not that I'm complaining.

[icallhimjoey]

Can you make a joe quinn x reader where him and the reader have been together for a while and since hes getting more famous of st4 she notices the fangirls comment about her and her body and how of a small chest she has compared to others and she believes yhem and wsnts to do a breast surgery and she hides the papers from him untul he finds them and they fight about it and she explains why she wants to do it and he tells her it doesnt matter to him and that he loves her and they make love? :)

itty bitty titty committee (said with love, i am a member), assemble! wordcount: 2.3K ----------

Perfect

“What the fuck is this?”

Oh, it had been sort of fun at first. 

You would excitedly point out people taking sneaky pictures on the tube, and Joe would scrunch his face at you, before turning to smile at who ever had recognized him out and about. It had become a recent phenomenon that you had to deal with, and it took some time getting used to. Before, Joe had been recognized only once when you’d been out with him, and it had been an older gentleman who’d seen him in a play and just wanted to come tell him about it. No photo. No nothing. Just a nice chat.    It fascinated you that now girls would come up to him as you would do a Wednesday afternoon food shop. They’d hug him in isle 3 in Tesco’s, next to the cartons of milk and boxes of cereal as you would pretend to be invisible, pushing the trolley away as you'd keep shopping. They’d hug him so tightly; his breath would escape his chest as he posed for pictures taken with phones in shaky hands.

   Joe never minded. Joe always made time. He’d match their energy and his media training would kick in, you’d clock it immediately, but Joe was always genuine. A class act. He wouldn’t go as far to say that it’s what he actively wanted, being recognized in places and at times he didn’t expect to be, but he was so grateful for it. It meant that he was doing something right. It had tickled you to no end when you found people were talking online under reposted photos that were plucked off of your social media pages. You had been quick to privatize everything, but people had their ways, you were sure. People would argue with passion – “Joseph can hang out with a girl without having to date her!”, “Oh my God that’s literally his sister!”, “Daft cows, that’s his agent.”. You would send Joe screenshots in WhatsApp, adding “my good friend” or “such close siblings” with love heart emojis and he would write back “fuck off, weirdo”.    When you’d been less careful and had kissed outside of a McDonalds late at night, it had proven that Joe was in fact spoken for. You had both been drinking, and you’d been so very happy with your little box of chicken nuggets, feeding Joe little bites as he smoked a cigarette next to the entrance. Joe had kissed you, and you had broken away from him in laughter because he still had chicken in his mouth. The photos and videos of you from across the street, a well lit and busy restaurant behind you and cars passing in front of you, had spread online. For a full week people you were close to couldn’t stop sending you screenshots as they came across them on social media. And you had really liked the pictures too! You really liked what you’d been wearing, and Joe had been in his brown suit – just cute pics of a cute couple being cute together.

“What the fuck is this?”

But Joe had told you to stop looking for pictures online, knowing not everyone would be nice. And he’d been right. The things you’d come across would sometimes baffle you, and you would absolutely lose yourself for hours, hidden behind your phone or laptop screen. You hadn’t let Joe see, but some of these girls were ruthless. There was no way you would have been able to predict the running joke you had become online.    “Small tits McGee.” “Joe’s a boob man, how is this fair on him” “Is that why he hugs every single girl he meets like that? So he gets to press himself up to actual boobs?”   Words cut deep. Deeper than you’d like to admit. And then there were TikTok videos of edited pictures pulled from your Facebook account. Big boobs photoshopped onto your frame, replaced by the actual real shot, a flashing “before and after” on a loop that emphasized your small cup-size. It wouldn’t have affected you so bad if you hadn’t already been riddled with insecurity. These girls were only echoing the voices in your head and even though you tried your very best not to, you had spiraled. 

Your boyfriend had noticed you seemed a little less happy than before. You were in moods more often, and when asking if you were okay, if something was wrong, you’d never let up. “I’m fine,” you’d say, fake smile plastered on your face. And Joe wouldn’t press it, because he knew you’d come to him if you needed to, but his worry didn’t fade.

“What the fuck is this?”

After staring at yourself in your bathroom mirror, examining yourself until your body didn’t even look real to you anymore, you started looking at websites of plastic surgeons. Breast augmentations were expensive, but the images on their websites looked good. You would scan your eyes across pages for images of breasts that looked like yours in the before photos, just to see what you could turn into if you had the money. You were sure you could save up for one, it’d just take a while. You were zooming in on scars, contemplating if you’d be okay with having those, when you decided that booking a consultation would probably still your mind a bit.

And so you’d gone in. And you hadn’t told Joe. Or anyone, for that matter. And they had shown you things. 3D images of what you may look like after. And they had let you feel implants. And they’d drawn over your chest and hadn’t even questioned why you were there, so you knew. Yours were the kind of boobs people got augmented. You’d left your first appointment with booklets, flyers, and folders. They had printed the photo they had taken of you. The before. And also, the virtual after. 

Sometimes, when Joe wouldn’t be in, you’d just look at it. Getting used to it. Holding up the image next to your own body, and you had started preferring the body that was promised to you by the surgeon. So, you silently had started to save money, because maybe, this was just right for you. It would end the stream of comments and jokes you’d read every day, because you couldn’t not check to see what people were saying about you.   “What the fuck is this?” Joe’s tone was accusatory. Harsh. 

You’d walked in on Joe, the booklets and flyers laid out on the table in front of him, the two printed pictures in his hands. He’d found them. You hadn’t known exactly how to react, but your instinct was to settle down the upset that roared within your boyfriend and had seeped out through his eyes at you. 

“Oh, that’s nothing,” you tried minimizing it, sounding aloof. But your face had flushed red with embarrassment as you had stepped forward to try and take the pictures from Joe. “You’re not thinking of doing this.” Joe accused, moving his hands out of your reach and the anger in his voice flushed your body with adrenaline. You didn’t appreciate Joe’s tone. Who was he to decide this for you? His face didn’t falter, not a hint of empathy behind his eyes, and you felt anger bubble up your throat.   “And if I was?” in your head you had sounded stern, but your voice left your body too shaky for your liking. Joe’s face dropped suddenly and flooded with concern. “Sweetheart,” he looked at the images again, and you felt strangely exposed. “Why?” Joe asked on an exhale, his eyes scanning the printed 'after' photo. Your arms subconsciously wrapped around your stomach, and you raised your shoulders in a shrug. Explaining it would mean you’d have to confess it was his fans that had gotten under your skin, and you didn’t want to do that. You chewed at the inside of your cheek, before growing frustrated at Joe looking at the images of you in his hands.  “Give those here,” you successfully snatched them from him this time and started collecting the rest from the table. Joe watched you, his eyebrows furrowed, and his face showed genuine confusion. Your response to his words, the way you were scrambling to hide all the things he’d found when he had been looking for an envelope in drawers littered with random junk had absolutely taken him by surprise. You’d never mentioned any of this before to him.  “You know you don’t need it,” Joe tried, but the compliment fell on deaf ears. You moved the pile of papers back into the drawer where Joe had found them, no need to be secretive about them now. You didn’t know how long ago Joe had discovered them, and how much of the information he’d read through. “I’m just entertaining the idea.” You pushed the drawer shut, figuratively also closing the door on the topic in your mind. It didn’t work as easy as that on Joseph, though. “When were you going to tell me?” Joe snarked, clearly annoyed by his failed attempt to quickly talk you out of getting a boob job. He couldn’t accept your mindless disregard, and he wasn’t sure what irked him more. The fact that you’d withheld this from him, or the thought of coming home one day and finding you with fake tits high up on your chest. “I would’ve let you know eventually,” you said tensely. “It doesn’t really concern you.” You lied, entirely too unconvincing and he could hear it in your voice. Joe’s eyes shot down to your chest. What was wrong with them? You had never shown insecurity before, Joe’s hands were always welcome to grope. What had changed? “Stop staring.”  “You’re perfect.” Joe spoke softly, finding your eyes with his own, changing his tactics to change your mind. You weren’t great at hiding true feelings, and Joe had known you long enough to read your eyes with expertise. You scoffed at his little comment. “You are!” Joe argued, reaching out and grabbing your wrist. “Most wouldn’t agree,” you succumbed to Joe’s warm kindness and let him pull you closer. You looked down at how Joe intertwined his fingers with yours. “You should see the things they’re saying,” your voice was tiny and it shocked more worry into Joe. “Who?” Joe leant down a little, his face moving to find your line of sight to make you look at him.  “Them. Online! I know I shouldn’t look- you said I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it!” you huffed, defeated, chest heaving with anger still. You were scared to elaborate much further. You knew Joe hated that success in his career also could negatively affect whoever he was close to, so you really didn’t want to press it. It would just make him feel awful. But Joe understood and it hurt his heart. It didn’t need further explaining. He embraced you as you just stood there, arms down by your sides, overtly aware of your chest pressing up against his. “Come on,” Joe moved your arms to his back, “Hug me back.”. You weakly left your hands where Joe had placed them, and you felt frustration-tears at the sides of your eyes. “Tightly!” Joe whined at you, and you obliged. You clasped your hands around your own tensed arms behind him and squeezed his ribs tightly. The pressure of your touches made the tears escape your eyes and you nuzzled your face into Joe’s chest. Then Joe reached behind you and opened the drawer you had just shut moments before, taking out the pile of paper and turning you around in his grip. Hovering over you from behind, his head heavy on your shoulder, one hand still around your waist, he guided you to the bin in the kitchen. One of his feet pressed down on the paddle, opening it in front of you. And then instead of throwing everything in himself, he pressed it all into your hands. “You don’t need it.” Joe spoke into your ear before kissing you on the patch of skin just below it, both his hands now firmly around you, holding you up. You frowned, and hesitated. Joe picked up on it immediately. “These,” his hands found your boobs, and you caved your chest inward slightly. “Are so fucking pretty.” Joe’s voice was deep, aroused, as he spoke in a near whisper and a groan slipped out right next to your ear. You dropped all that you were holding, most of it missed the bin completely, but it didn’t matter. You turned to find his lips with your own. And Joe made sure to pay extra attention to show his appreciation of you. He needed you to feel his worship of you in your bones. He roughly pushed your top up, yanking your bra up over your chest as well. His lips and teeth scraped the hot skin of your chest, tongue swirling and leaving wet trails across them. He covered you in kisses and nibbled at your nipples as your head fell back in pleasure, moans escaping your throat. Before you knew it, Joe had picked you up with strong arms and slung you lazily over his shoulder. It made you shriek, trying your best to hold onto Joe so he wouldn’t drop you as he made his way over to the bedroom. There he let you fall onto the bed. Joe put a knee down either side of you, and for a moment, just looked at you through half-lidded eyes as you smiled back at him.

“Perfect.”     

[horrorwebs]

so uhm. she didnt say anything at all. lmao

fucking hell fucking hell is she gonna reject me? i want to let sth out for a second and didnt want to tell my psychologist until i have answers so. tags it is

[kagekanecavi]

Re-listening to episode 20 and I noticed something.

[Image ID: a screen shot of the transcript for Malevolent episode 20. It is of the poem Arthur wrote to help cope with his parents' death. It says: And I want that someone to be you, as I write this, but alas, This pain will linger with me still, I pray this too shall pass. Arthur crying, starts walking about. The last sentence is in italics to indicate sound effects. /end ID]

[Image ID: a screenshot of the transcript for Malevolent episode 13. Arthur and John are talking right before they bite off their pinky in the forest. There is no visual indication of who is speaking, but Arthur speaks first.

"But ... this too shall pass.

What?" /end ID]

[Image ID: A screenshot of the transcript for Malevolent episode 13. There is no visual indication of who is speaking, but John is the first one:

"You said something back there. “This too shall pass."

Yes.

Why did you say that?

I don’t know, it’s just a comforting thought.

It’s written on our lighter.

Oh, that’s right! That’s the one I had with me from... the office, way back when. Crazy to think it’s made it all this way. It’s not even really mine.

No?

No, found it in an old desk drawer when we moved in.

Interesting." /end ID]

I'm also fairly sure, though I don't remember which episode it's in, that at some point Arthur says something about finding things in desk drawers.

Per Wikipedia, "this too shall pass" is a Persian adage that comes from a story about a king who called together the wisest men of his kingdom and asked them for wisdom that would apply no matter the situation. Sometimes he wsnts the saying inscribed on a ring. After much discussion amongst themselves, they told the king "this too shall pass". In some versions, King Solomon is involved, either as the one who asks for the wisdom or the one who dispenses it. A common variant of the saying is "this too shall pass away".

A few things I find interesting about this:

Arthur's life is absolutely full of changes. Though we don't have an exact timeline for his life, it seems like his life is full of constant upheaval. His parents' death, then his wife's death, Faroe's death, the chaos he's currently embroiled in - it seems like things are constantly changing for him, and at increasing speed. When his parents die he's young enough to have not started playing the piano, but old enough to write that poem. So mid-teens to twenties. Some time later, he falls in love and marries, and she dies giving birth to Faroe. When Faroe dies, she is old enough that she can sit up unassisted (Tess left her in the bath with the water running) but still drowned. In the one sort of flashback (I think it's a dream Arthur had? Can't remember) that we get with Arthur showing Faroe the piano and her babbling a bit, I'd estimate her as being under 2. That might not have been a recent memory, just a happy one, but still. Arthur was good enough at the piano by then that he was able to support himself and have a housekeeper with his composing. So at least 10-15 years from his parents' deaths to Faroe's death, and assuming Faroe was 3 or 4 at most, that leaves 6-12 years between his parents' deaths and his wife's. I can't remember any specific date ranges, if any, that are given in regards to the time between Faroe's death and the start of the podcast, but assuming the PI agency was fairly new - he remembered the prior name on the lease and the prior agency who had been there - it seems like things are happening to him at a faster and faster frequency. (And also increasing levels of trauma??? Like your parents die, that's not nothing (especially when you're young and they're young and there's other circumstances) but you expect to outlive your parents. Spouse dying would be more traumatic but considering the year the podcast is set, it would have been anore expected risk of pregnancy than it is now. Daughter dying in a way he could have prevented, though?? Super duper traumatic) And since the start of the podcast Arthur has been on the move constantly, with absolutely wild shit happening to him at every turn. The only time he's been able to stop and rest for more than like a day was the coma and being in the prison pits for almost 3 months.

We don't know as much about John's history before, except that he was the King in Yellow and he was in the Dark World. Who knows how long he was the King, and unless I'm mistaken about the timelines he was trapped in the book (and therefore split from the King and in the Dark World) for approximately 10 years in Arthur's world, though as John has said, time doesn't work the same between worlds and he was in the Dark World so long he forgot everything about who he was except that he was basically a god and needed someone he could manipulate to restore himself.

Getting back to the lighter, it is an agent of change - fire essentially being a chemical reaction that changes fuel into light, heat, and byproduct - with a reassuring quote on it about how everything changes and that nothing ever remains the same. Arthur probably knows this intimately - it seems like every time he gets comfortable something comes along and fucks his life up. So for him change has been the opposite of a good thing. Meanwhile the only major changes in John's life have been getting him closer to more humanity - closer to the person he wants to be.

Added to that I find it interesting that in episode 24 (which i have only listened to once) when they're reunited it's so obvious how they've each changed over the podcast. For example with the way they deal with the cultists(captives??) in the mine, Arthur is dismissive and has the attitude that they deserve what's coming to them. John seems to think they might have been coerced or enthralled somehow, and that they should help. This is such a difference from Arthur always wanting to help and John reluctantly following his lead. (Though we had examples as early as the Wraith of John wanting to make sure monsters could be redeemed, even though in Arkham his first reaction to a human obstacle was "Arthur get out your gun")

While I very much doubt this is where it's going, it'd be interesting to see a full reversal, where John ends up the human and Arthur is the Entity.

if I'm misremembering anything or there's more sources for timeline/etc that I'm not taking into account, please let me know! Or if i have some details just completely wrong, please let me know! I want more discussion about this podcast because it's fascinating and I can't quite figure out how much is planned and how much isn't, considering the Patreon voting aspect.

[smalltragedy]

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hi im just reposting gabe’s intro bc its been a very long time n im starting a little fresh hehe. yes i do regret the text color bt im not going back.

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: bisexual (masc-leaning).

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances.

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay!

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years.

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost.

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.

[daisukitty]

29.12.2020

Hey y’all ! Just a recap on my 2020.

So, for the past few years I’ve been busy with my job and other shenanigans. I finally decided to begin my journey in working abroad, I’m looking at you IRELAND. Why Ireland? I have two aunts who work in Hospitals abroad (Ireland and America), they always share stories about their job and life abroad, I find Ireland more enticing because I think the weather and the mood in Ireland would suit me better than the US, I am a person who enjoys cool cold weather after all. Anyways, I sat and took the IELTS exam twice on 2019 but sadly I did not reach a passing mark in my writing test in both of them. Luckily, a close friend of mine invited me to take the OET exam, albeit it was rather expensive I gave it a go and thankfully passed the exam. Passing the exam was my ticket to apply in Ireland as a Non-EU applicant.

The NMBI process was easy once you have all the available documents at hand, the waiting part is tough but it’s over within 6 months or less. The part where I had a hard time was procuring my PRC documents, I had to go to Davao City since it needs to be sent by a Regional office. So, amidst the pandemic and the threat to visiting a covid-19 hotspot, I really needed those documents so I had to force my mom to let me go even if I travel alone. It was the first time I drove to Davao by myself, and what do you know my tire exploded, I wasn’t hurt (THANK GOD!) and I had a spare tire, a bystander helped me find a car mechanic to change the tire. It was a 4 hour ride, time was ticking, by the way I cried when I got back on the road thinking ‘I could have died back there.’ So I arrived at PRC and I find out that they were about to stop accepting applicants because they’re only open in the Morning and I got there at 10:30am. Close call but I got in. I started processing and then I was informed that there were no stamps left, the stamps are needed for processing documents. My heart sank, I asked them where I might be able to buy the stamps, but they said even the ones selling outside has none left, and they don’t know when the stamps will be available. My heart sank even deeper, I came there with only one goal and I almost got into an accident and I won’t even get what I came for. The NMBI deadline was nearing its end and the PRC documents is the only requirement left. If I don’t get this now, I will have to reschedule my appointment and the next available date is past my NMBI deadline. I was teary eyed, thinking of just leaving and accepting my destiny, I went to the gate and talked to the guard eating his lunch. He told me to go back inside and wait for him, so I did. After a few minutes he approached me together with an applicant, the guy gave me 2 stamps, he said he brought four earlier, so he gave it to me. I paid him, and I paid the guard. I felt so blessed, I was being helped by strangers whenever I encountered problems. I finished processing and went home directly.

After a month of waiting, I received my Decision Letter from NMBI (October 25), that day I began sending my CVs to various Hospitals and Agencies who are advertising for Theatre Nurse vacancies. November 09, I was chilling at home drawing on my pen tablet when my phone suddenly rang, my eyes widened and my heart beat fast after reading [IRELAND] on my phone screen, I picked up my phone and frantically paced around the house, it was from an agency called CCM recruitment. The call went like this:

agent: Hello? Is this [my name] ?

Nina: Yes, yes maam, speaking.

agent: Okay. I am from CCM Recruitment, are you available for a pre-screening interview right now?

Nina: (right now? I’m not prepared...I need to prepare!) uhm, I’m actually at work today maam (LIES!)

agent: oh, is that so, sorry for calling at this hour.

Nina: No, no, i’ts fine maam. I’m off duty tomorrow.

agent: Okay, can we have the interview tomorrow?

Nina: Sure maam, at what time would that be?

agent: same time. okay? talk to you tomorrow nina.

Nina: thank you very much for calling maam.

And that’s how I escaped because I got scared of not knowing what questions she’ll throw me. I researched some examples on pre-screening interviews and asked a group of nurses with the same experience on what I should be expecting. The day finally came, her first words were ‘sorry ha, natagalan.’ so I thought, ohhh a filipina? My agent was a filipina, I felt a bit relieved knowing that. She just clarified things about my experiences and background, most of her questions were about what I have written on my CV. When I heard the words ‘Okay nina, I’ll help you land a job here in Ireland.’ I was screaming internally! I reviewed my CV after the interview and found a mistake on the year when I started in the OR, I was scared I thought that I would loose my credibility as an applicant and that they would be disappointed and reject my application. I emailed Maam Beth (agent) about the mistake and she replied ‘noted.’ I got my confidence back, I felt blessed to have a kind and understanding agent like her. 

December 2, I received a call from Maam Beth, she was bearing good news:

Beth: Hello nina, sorry medyo natagalan tayo, ilang weeks din tayo na tengga.

Nina: Hello maam beth, no worries po maam.

Beth: soo, my good news ako, may interested na employer sayo no, 2 hospitals and scheduled for interview next week. (SHOOKT) yung CHI and yung isa naman Blackrock, bale may webinar so mag attend ka ha.

Nina: wow, thank you po maam beth.

We discussed about the schedule of the interview and what to do to prepare for an interview. I attended the webinar but it focused only on CHI, I found out later that I was not short-listed for CHI so I focused on Blackrock Clinic Hospital. December 9, the interview schedule was later at 11pm which is 3pm in Ireland, I was told that the interviewer will be the Matron of BRC (Carmel). I was super nervous, I just left the window open, she was late for 30 minutes, I got scared coz I thought she skipped my file or something. When I saw her on the screen I said “oh Hi maam, I saw you on youtube.” A bit unprofessional but she chuckled and I gained a  bit of confidence. The interview lasted for 15-18 minutes, she asked about my experiences in OR and some situational questions inside the theatre, she asked if I would be able to handle their hospital since my current hospital is not as busy and stuff like that, she asked if I’ll be able to pass the RCSI exam, and many more. The interview ended, I did not really know if I did well or if my answers were enough to pass but I lighted a  candle in the Church and prayed to pass. December 10, I received a call from maam beth, at first she asked if we discussed the salary and I said no she didn’t tell me. I thought, the salary wsnt discussed by her because maybe I didn’t pass the interview...I felt sad, but then maam beth broke the silence with a “congratulations”. I was overjoyed, I PASSED!? I PASSED!! She told me about the salary and the RCSI exam and about the next steps. The next day I signed the contract.

I’m still currently processing the papers that were sent by Ate beth (she wants me to call her that and not maam) and some requirements that I need to secure like GP check-up and vaccination status, I’m still employed in the Philippines right now, the next RCSI exam is  on March 2021, I’m not sure if i’ll be able to sit that one with the current pandemic but I’m hoping for the best! I AM FAVORED AND BLESSED IN SO MANY WAYS! I guess my next post will be when I arrive in Ireland.

[lanamemories2]

rides onto the dash nude n on horseback like this pic of sam way. oh fancy seeing u here.......... im impeccably tensed our entire exchange. buns like steel cld crack a nut open between them. i’m nai n it’s so nice to meet u all!!!! i’m one of the admins here (josefine frida pettersen on the main) n i’m so Excited 2 get things going........... some facts abt me r i sometimes hv a witch’s cackle, i once drunkenly swung frm a tree branch pretending to b tarzan n fell n grass stained my fav jeans at 4 in the morning n i lov spicy food despite the fact it mkes me sweat like a hog in the sun. more abt lana under the cut!!! also like this or hmu if u wna plot n her pinterest is here n playlist is here 👺🌚

「kristine froseth & cis-female」⇾ jameson , lana, the junior radcliffe student’s records show that she is a gemini and 22 years old. she is studying dance, living in off campus and can be vivacious, passionate, childish & impulsive. when i see her i am reminded of stepping out in the cold wearing just a red slip, lipstick on a stranger’s throat, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’. ⇽「nai & 23 & gmt & she/her.」

AESTHETICS:

scalding your fingers in shower water until they glow like rudolph’s nose, cherry red gym socks tugged high and nothing else, stepping out in the cold wearing just a red slip, an origami swan made from an old receipt, tickling a stranger’s chin with the end of a feather boa, crowning each finger with a miniature raspberry, hugging a knee close to lick a stripe of fruit juice off a bruise there, doodling penises in the condensation of a car window, a water pistol topped with rum and covered in glittery pin-up stickers, believable smiles that feel more like baring teeth, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’, prancing around in your underwear to a vinyl record with the curtains open.

HISTORY:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. albums framed on the walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i summarised it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”, not that u wld know from all of the gardener’s pruning

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his rich best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n victoria ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him

anyway so jameson records repped a few big rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. (drugs/addiction tw) they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. rly troubled characters who wld kind of��� b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was kind of an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast. very strange environment fr a child to grow up in

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana asked her why shes so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door

(dissociation/delusion tw) bc of this growing up lana adopted this weird like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w noone acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. hes the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her in the zoo they called a home n cut the crusts off her PBJs so they lkd like teddy bears (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door n was always over bc he had very strict parents / a military father tht he found suffocating)

SO when caleb n tommy announced tht they’d signed up to the army lana ws understandably…….. blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving like pretty besides herself bt she tried not to b mad at them n made them promise theyd b safe n back as soon as possible. she even asked if they cld somehow take her w them n they were jst like :/ it doesn’t work that way luv x

(death tw, ptsd tw, grief tw, trauma tw, hospitalisation tw, drugs tw) anyway caleb ended up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed tommy die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home sans tommy bt he was never the same after tht. he’s been in n out of hospital n he turned to using as a way to cope so it’s been a rly bumpy road since. lana kind of felt like two of her brothers died out there in a way n jst like tht it wasn’t them vs the world any mre, it was jst her

ANYWAY whew tht rly…. took a dark turn there….. chuckles nervously at hw sad lana’s life is bt it’s fine it’s all fINE!!!!!!! ok. so on a mre lighthearted note the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably Pretty Gorl

(trauma tw) after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

(hypersexuality tw) this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr hookups even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. the risk is honestly part of the appeal to her sometimes she’s :////// quite self destructive n jst likes a thrill to mke her feel Alive. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. it kind of… almost mingled w tht same feeling she used to get when she ws younger of being a ghost?? like she jst. only rly feels Real when she’s being touched

(violence tw) she’s had.................... SCH a bad history dating wise. she almost always dates fking.... actual beasts like i jst wna gently shake her by the shoulders sometimes bt :////////////// one of her recent exes is in prison aftr he beat up someone she’d slept w in front of her like she jst. has had a very Not Sexy time w romance...... she hd to b a witness in the trial abt it n he ws found guilty n sent down so it ws like Intense n a gd example of the kinds of disastrous relationships she gets herself into. perks of being a wallflower voice: We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve.

this past summer she gt a job at a burlesque club in downtown lovell!!! it honestly is her dream job like. dancing? being sexy? fav hobbies................. most delicious pastimes... 10/10 ideal fr her............... she almost started working at a coyote ugly bar bt this one won her over. she usually jets off to some foreign country n has a rly exotic n action packed summer bt i think she wldv just been working local there fr this one to b close to her brother (the rehab he’s at is close like a 40 min drive so!). she’s also moved into a big lofty apartment w 3 roommates tht’s above a chinese take out w lots of lanterns hung outside. the street? scott street......................... tribute to mizz phoebe bridgers hunger games salutes to the sky so it travels 2 her............. she gt a red heart shaped bath tub installed which hs always been her dream so honestly the summer hs been pretty gd to her....... five stars on yelp she deserves Some happiness once in a while

PERSONALITY:

always smells vaguely of wild cherries or strawberry starburst or jst the candy aisle in general. if she ws a vinyl record she’d b this one n she’d only play good vibrations by the beach boys, dancing on my own by robyn, play that funky music by wild cherry, femme fatale by the velvet underground n (i can’t get no) satisfaction by the rolling stones

growing up lana was always a HUGE social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget (cld b a gd or bad thing depends on ur Stance...... she can be a lot tho frankly). very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once.

deliberately puts on tht kind of Magnetic Alluring act tht femme fatales wear in movies sometimes. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as or the person she feels ppl want her to be. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out

always the last one awake at the party. jst doesn’t seem to hv.... an off switch. every1 else cld b passed out at 6am n she’d still b swaying around to sunday morning by the velvet underground in her underwear drinking frm a bottle of merlot

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand ridiculously absurd n chaotic stories

uncontrollably flirty. she’s tht tumblr post tht’s like flirting will b ur hubris n the reply is like kind of sexy of u to say so................ SO confident cld talk to anyone. makes a joke out of anything. tends to laugh when she feels like crying. even if she DOES cry she’ll smile thru it like it isn’t happening she jst.... doesn’t like to b negative ever if she cn help it

she’s amassed a weird collection of like... Things various ppl she’s known hv made abt her. this guy she ws friends w wrote a song abt her n performed it at a gig she went to without telling her in advance. it ws rly dramatic he sang it n looked at her the whole time n she ws jst a bit like.... omg.... lmfao............... she’s also hd various paintings done of her. i honestly dnt even rly kno hw it happens she jst has a personality where she..... leaves an impression like a lipstick print on a white shirt w some ppl.................. she’s like tht tumblr post where someone arrives at a poetry reading n is like hi yes........ where do the muses sit? except she isn’t rly.... obnoxious abt it she jst shrugs n is like.......... oh that........... KJHSFKHGSFKGHSFKGSFHGK. it’s a charmed life fr some

always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops.

PLOTS:

exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. whips her in the town square like gale

mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her??? chaos. anguish. strife. 

someone tht works at the burlesque club in downtown lovell w her!!!!! as like a bartender or another dancer or security or................... whtvr honestly. hvn’t worked out a name fr the club yet bt i think it cld b a fun setting to write stuff in n there cld b lots to build off there!!

a cousin plot cld b fun too

her n freya nilsen run smthn called Dick Sisters Inc......... they hv a twitter fr it n everything.... n a hq based in one of the abandoned dorms in the leach building.... lots of inflatable furniture disco balls.............. lana even gt replica airplane seats so they cn sit n b served drinks by this guy tht runs errands fr them who they call bucket....... they bsically like. set ppl up n help ppl get laid it’s a matchmaking service of sorts.......... started as a joke bt nw it’s genuinely become quite a profitable business w word spreading all over campus........ ugh entrepreneurial icons... anyway mayb ur chara cld come to lana fr Dick Sisters assistance......... mayb they’v come to them in the past......... 

a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other.

someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh

briefly did camgirl stuff on an independent bt up n coming porn site....... titters.......... mayb ur muse used a pseudonym n recognises lana frm it bt is too embarrassed to admit they were subscribed............ mayb they happened upon her on there once n nw r jst like. what do i do w this knowledge. idk cld b fun to work around perhaps

an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool)

someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label

someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all i won’t lie to u. relentless.....

umm a good influence too mayb?

honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. mayb even one of the high profile kids she grew up hangin w idk. world’s our oyster fellas!

[strvwberryblcnde]

👫 lana & dom

send a 👫 and I’ll write four headcanons i have about our muses’ relationship.

lana buys lots of things on random whims n i feel like smthn she wld have bought the summer her n dom started properly seeing each other is a polaroid camera. probably one of those fujifilm mini ones in pink w stickers on of holographic mermaids n butterflies. n all her friends wld be subject to hving their photos taken on this at 447294734 parties but fr the most part like 50% of the film wld be spent on dom esp considering how often they’d see each other. i cn imagine her being annoying abt it e.g. bursting in unannounced when he ws showering n flinging the curtain bk n shrieking in delight as she tkes a pic of him in there. penis NOT in shot (lana ws very disappointed when she realised altho inevitably dom ws relieved). it ws probably rly blurry too from her springing out of nowhere n running away after she’d dazed him w the flash bt lana wld never dream of throwing it away she’s probably like ugh cole sprouse WISHES he ws me tht stupid i’m weird i’m a weirdo bitch i’m taking his photographer crown n i’m loving it..... another time if she ws wearing his tshirt or smthn jst to laze around in she wld have tried to convince dom to wear her cropped bowie t-shirt she usually lounges in she’d b like OUTFIT SWAP!!!! like it ws a reality show segment. she’d do his hair w her strawberry clips n everything n wna take a polaroid of tht as well. a majority of these polaroids wld b taken w her sat on top of him in bed peeping thru the viewfinder n grinning sickeningly wide after. she’s bad at organisation bt she wld keep very close track of these polaroids n treasure them a lot bc they’d document a summer where she was rly rly happy. probably took them with her to la too she jst has them hidden somewhere.... idk if she’d ever b able to bring herself to throw them away to b honest

i jst had this vision of lana n dom taking franklin to the park n i already told u abt how she’d tell franklin tht she gives the flowers all their own names n say he shld come up w his own names fr them too bc it’s more fun tht way bt. i cn imagine if they saw two bees trying to pollinate the same flower n like buzzing close to each other if franklin pointed it out lana wld gasp n be like OMG they’re in love. they’re married bees. u can tell frm how bright their stripes r they’re extra yellow n glowing like the sun tht’s what happens. tht means they’re in love franklin. n idk if franklin wld say this or not bt if he asked what loves like lana wld b like hmMMM well. love’s kind of like being first in the queue fr the best rollercoaster. or licking the sugar off ur fingers when they’re all sticky frm candy floss. going to the zoo n getting to see all ur favourite animals on a day tht’s sunny but not TOO hot. enough to give ur nose freckles bt not burn ur shoulders. make u feel toasty like ur inside a cocoon. n love’s like........ she’d pause here. she’s crouched dwn on his lvl as she says this mayb dom hs walked off to get them ice creams n she briefly lks at him in the distance as he’s paying before lking bk at franklin. scrunching her nose playfully as she tries to stall. when she hesitantly continues she’s like. n love’s like getting home after tht perfect day at the zoo n finally getting into bed w fresh sheets when ur sleepy n ur eyes r all droopy n heavy. the pillows r fluffy n it’s safe n warm n all of the gd in the world at once. i think love’s like tht. it’s jst.... nice n stuff. n she’d jst be like :) afterwards realising she’d rambled on n change the subject like hey lk at that BUTTERFLY franklin............. bt i jst think this is. particularly heartwarming to me bc not only wld she have been basing tht on hw she feels abt dom bt. in the past love ws always a thing w barbs tht hurt her whenever she tried to hold it n.... he jst rly transformed her idea of being loved by someone into smthn safe n reliable n consistent......... smthn she cld actually make a home out of instead of constantly hving an eye on the door in case they leave / she needs an escape route..... a relationship isn’t a scary concept w him

lana n dom r like. opposites when it comes to social media esp instagram...... dom jst nt even knowing hw to use it n lana posting so regularly hving a small following fr her fashion n whtever.......... i feel like lana wld try to teach him how to use it bt it wld consist of a lot of her being like no that’s--.... dom that’s--.... that’s not ri--.... n jst throwing her head bk n cackling so much she wld b rly endeared by him being clueless abt it she’d be like ommmmmmmmmg it’s ok i’ll b steve jobs n u can be my sexy assistant tht just has to strut besides me like a car dealership model whenever i go on stage to debut the nxt technological advancement. dom wld have to be like... isn’t he dead? lana wld gasp so suddenly n be like omfggggggggg tht explains why me calling this tech nerd wearing a turtleneck steve jobs lst week bombed so hard mayb he thought i ws telling him to die..... dom’s probably like... i doubt he thought tht lana..... she wld laugh at the thought of this anyway n change topics jst the worst attention span already over it. ALSO this is instagram related bt.... bev.kingston wld rly centralise her hate crusade onto dom when it became clear they were dating / things gt mre official n serious. mostly lana wld b like this is so funny n dumb bt.... i think she wld dm bev.kingston one time being like. ok all jokes aside can u cool it a little on the dom hate not to b gross bt he makes me rly happy n i dnt want him to b sad if he ever advances beyond a technological grandpa n sees all this stuff. bev.kingston wld literally screenshot this n post it on her insta like LANA AND I HAVE BEEN IN CLOSE CONTACT I HAVE DECIDED EVANS BOY IS ON TRIAL BASIS EVEN IF I HATE IN MY HEART AND KNOW FREYA IS ONE FOR HER  n she’d update her page like 21/08/2020 LANA DM’D ME ABOUT EVANS BOY (or whtever the date ws) n it’d be sm. lana wld b embarrassed she’d try to get her to delete it she’d b like fk my fking life ur sick bev ur lit rally sick.....

lana treats halloween as a week long celebration she goes to sm parties tht she literally hs to have like..... 482759872 costumes planned each yr. n fr one of them. she’d b like let’s go as each other :) n she’d dress as an angel n he’d dress as a devil. she’d put on red lipstick before they went purely to “help w his costume” n it’d jst consist of her leaving lipstick prints on his cheek n neck n hip even if. his hip wsnt visible w the top he ws wearing she’d b like dom listen.... listen. it’s literally part of the vision n it’s necessary......... it doesn’t matter if ppl can’t see it we’ll both kno it’s there n it’ll elevate the look so mch...... w that attention to detail u cld even b in the running fr winning a prize...... then she wld take the lipstick off like it wldnt even be part of her outfit she only put it on to do this specifically. she’d insist on them getting a photo tgether n it’d b a bit gross it’d b a whole thing she jst.... wld b very proud to b seen w him she’d show him off a lot.... if anyone complimented her outfit she’d b like ya n have u seen dom he’s a devil we match :) n if there ws another pair tht had worn the same which i mean there probably might it isn’t a hugely original concept bt lana wld be like......... ummmmm tht guy is the most pathetic devil i hv literally ever seen..... if she ws drunk she might even b like ummm.... hw does it feel fr dom to be a sexier devil than u............... does it sting? jealous i bet....... n dom wld have to b like lana please.... im sry abt her.... u lk gd haha...... cushioning the blow. taking her hand n leading her away. n lana is jst tittering n murmurs in his ear like. he knew it ws true u cld see it in his eyes. he knew u lkd better than him. 

[dolanswhore]

Ethan being scared to ask you out and when he finally does he's a mess?

Got a little carried away 😬

"E?" It was a soft knock against his door which woke him up from his deep slumber. His eyes shift from the light shinning through the window to flip to his his side, avoiding the sun at all costs.

"Hmmm?"

"It's Y/N gray told me you wanted to see me." Ethan shot up in seconds, hand raising in the air in anger. He knew he should've never told gray. Last night he finally declared he was going to ask Y/N out, but gray was hoping for sooner than later and did this on purpose.

Ethan stood in seconds, slipping on a pair of shorts, not bothering with a t-shirt. "Uhh.. yeah. Goodmorning by the way."

Ethan was speechless when he looked up to see her face. Today was a charity lunch and they were all asked to attend, which was accepted gladly. Y/N was Grayson's date, Ethan didn't want to bring anyone else, so he didnt. Grayson and Y/N have a strong friendship, that has been going on for years now, so close they could be siblings but with one obstacle in the way: Ethan.

Y/N left his mind scrambling as he looks for words to say - but only managed to soak in every inch of her face. It was a small amount of make up, she didn't need it anyways, but he noticed the matte pink lipstick against her lips and suddenly wanted to color all over his lips, neck and chest.

Hair was neatly thrown into a half up-do, still leaving a small amount of ringlets to frame her face. Her dress is what made his mouth dry, a light pink spaghetti strap dress, that hugged her in all the right places, showing her amazing figure. Legs ran for miles, looking so soft all he wanted to do was kiss them, that was all thanks to the nude heels that showed her perfectly manicured toe nails. "Oh.. wow."

The corners of her lips twitch up into smile as she leans against his door frame. "You look gorgeous.."

His eyes roam her once again before realizing just how long he was staring. "Did you call me here because you need help with your outfit?"

"Yes of course, why do you think gray needed you here." It was true, gray made her come over warly and get ready in his room because of the reason he did need help, and purposely made her get ready before helping Ethan.

Her arm extends towards his skin, making him almost shake with nerves, and he feels his throat clog.

"E, you're hair is crazy." Her fingers try to suppress the strand of hair sticking in the opposite direction, but Ethan steps back as he does taking her hand into his. "I'm going to shower real quick."

His thumb rubs soothingly for a quick second before gently dropping it and giving her a small smile. "I'll be here snooping."

He chuckles softly, "you do that sweetheart."

To say the shower was the longest one of his life was an understatement, he wanted to get out and talk to her, but that was also the problem, talking to her made words fumble, stomach squeeze and mouth dry. When he finally did, he wasn't prepared for what was on the other side of his bedroom door. There she was, shoes thrown at the bottom of his bed, she laid on her stomach flipping through the small book of photos he kept in an album, she was facing him, but due to his towering height he saw right over her head, dress rising right underneath her ass.

"Took you long enough E." She rolls her eyes, acting if she was annoyed but in reality was so happy to be in his room, every fiber was filled with his scent.

"I, um, sorry." Now his chest and face was hot, but from what he wasn't sure. His fumbling words or that if she moved another inch she would practically be naked in front of him.

"E?"

"Hmmm?"

"I need to ask you something." His whole body was definitely red by now, easily shown from the pair of black boxers being his only clothing.

"What is it?"

She sighs, sitting up to sit at the edge of the bed. "Promise it won't change our friendship or you won't be mad at gray?"

Gray. Of course gray would tell her and give up the one chance he asked to do it by himself, but Ethan decided to play dumb and sit down next to her, his knee touching hers. "Yeah... okay sweetheart."

He could have swore he saw her blush? He decides not to push it anymore and listens. "Gray told me you wanted to be my date today."

"I-I do." He decides that hiding it wouldn't be in the best interests to himself. He fittles his thumbs in front of him, ethan wasn't nervous a lot, but Y/N always some how does it.

Currently he was freaking out inside, chest beating irregularly against his rib cage, he felt like it might break them, a small bead of sweat gathering along his forehead, his throat was so so dry. He couldn't form English, he always made a fool of himself around her.

"Why didn't you ask me then?" The question he didn't know how to answer, if the truth then she would know he's head over heals for her, but lying might diminish any source of a chance he has here.

"I was scared." He decided to go with truth. For the first time today her eyes meet his with a frown. He continued though, even though it sounded like blabbering he didn't want her getting the wrong idea, "i was scared that you would say no. You are so beautiful... i am so, so far out of your league. We are such good friends, i don't wsnt to ruin what me and you have. What you and gray have because of my feelings for you."

"You have feelings for me?" His eyes widden as he mentally curses himself out for his mindless blabbering.

"I -uh, well." The redness against his face clearly gave him away as he tried to deny it but only made Y/N smile.

"I like you too."

"Wait, what?" Ethan stands quickly, "you don't have to say this because you're standing in front of me and dont want to hurt my feelings."

"No, you asshole." She stands in front of him, despite his towering figure. "I like, like you. I have always."

Ethan didn't know what to say. The beautiful woman in front of him just admitted to having the same feelings in return and all he could do is stand so dumbfounded. Her hand against his chest broke him from any inner thoughts as his eyes met hers.

Slowly he leaned in, eyes watching hers the whole time, just in case she didn't want to or decided she didnt want him anymore. Her consent was her eyes closing, lips puckering to meet Ethan's.

"Aw, guys c'mon no one wants to see this shit!" Grayson catches what could've been the best moment of Ethan's life short and he shot daggers at him for it as he walked past the hall.

"I'll leave you to get dressed." She walks past him seeing it was almost time to go, ethans hand reaches out for her wrist, holding her still.

"Wait. I, uh." His arm extends over his head, nervously scratching the back on his neck. "Will you go out with me tonight after the lunch?"

She smiles sweetly from ear to ear. "I would love to go anywhere with you Ethan."

Before another words could be said, ethan managed to smoosh their lips together. Lips molding together in a passionate kiss, tongues finding each other in a dance of dominance, tasting rolling against each other. He steps back painfully, "im sorry -."

She conceals his insecurities with another soft, chaste kiss. "I'll see you out there."

"Ill see you, sweetheart."

Ethan was left was nothing but his thoughts now. Quickly dressing in the clothes laid out on his bed for him, his hands try to supress his hair, but fail per usual. The mirror shows his messy mop, he couldn't help but notice the pink lip stick smears across his lips and chin, all he knew is he needed to feel it one more time today before it came to an end.