#i wrote this like... I've been working on it since thursday and my mind has been all over the place

[epickiya722]

I'll be honest, I'm going to sound probably all over the place with this, but I tried my best!

Okay, so going back to chapter 252, I see that Yuta was indeed sliced by Sukuna, but what I wasn't expecting that would resort to him being sliced in half just as Gojo was back in 236.

This is where it got confusing to me. How was Yuta sliced in half? Why was he sliced in half? Before this, just like Yuji, he was tanking Sukuna's cuts and using RCT. Just before this moment, Sukuna was also hit with Jacob's Ladder and his guard is at his lowest.

Did Sukuna manage to actually execute a slash that could completely cut through at that specific, odd moment and Yuta couldn't stop it? Or... did Yuta let it happen?

What if Yuta is just... tired?

I know, I know!

Like, I don't know, it just seemed odd to me.

It gets me that in 262, they state that their plan is that if Satoru loses and dies, his body will be taken over by Yuta, but... that was it. No one said anything that in order for Yuta to take over Satoru's body that he (Yuta) had to be mortally injured.

He could have switched his brain without being on the verge of dying, right? Which makes me question when Kenjaku uses the technique, does Kenjaku have to be close to dying to body hop?

That's for another day!

I recently (last week) rewatched JJK 0 and watching the beginning of that movie reminded me just how depressed he was and how little of himself he cared for. Yuta tried to off himself.

Also take note that he is constantly amazed by whatever his friends do. Evident enough against his fight against Geto. In 261, he shifts the attention back onto the topic of Gojo when Maki remarks how he's important to him, too. His reaction is highly negative.

He gets angry, and thinking about what Maki said, I feel like that has a double meaning. Yuta is important because he is a friend. But he is important because he is also a weapon. He is the best player after Gojo that they got, he's the strongest after him.

It's almost feels like this is the moment Yuta decided to just throw it all out the window and take that risk because he was tired, but at the same time he wasn't just going to leave the others hanging.

This chapter does feel a little like the ending half of Shibuya. Yuji is once more unable to finish off the enemy that has been constantly terrorizing him because of an interruption by someone with a technique that allows them to use other techniques and just so happen to arrive possessing the body of a Special Grade sorcerer.

But let's go deeper into this, because when you think about it... Yuta is the Yuji in 261.

There are people dying around him after Gojo is out of commission in some way because of a dark haired villain who again uses the techniques of someone else! Both Yuta and Yuji had Gojo on the mind, but disregarded themselves, however there is a difference. Yuji's main goal was to save Gojo, Yuta has to use Gojo's body.

Here's something else about 261. Yuta is also like Kenjaku here. Both choose to possess a body because the technique engraved in the body is useful.

However, in opposition, Kenjaku willingly seeks out to do this. Kenjaku wants to do this because it benefits Kenjaku. Yuta doesn't want to possess Gojo's body, it's not something he is at all happy about. It's not something he ever dreamed of doing.

While this chapter is similar to the Shibuya Incident, there's bits where it mirrors Shibuya but distortedly. Kenjaku gets away with Gojo at the end of that arc. Here? It's not looking too good for Yuta. (I do believe in him though. I do feel like he will indeed accomplish something here.)

It's reminded that Yuta's technique allows him to copy a technique for five minutes. When Mei Mei points out the three possible outcomes of Yuta's technique timer running out, two of them has a result that may lead to death. Only one doesn't, and that's living on in Gojo's body.

So Yuta knows that he has a possible higher chance of dying possessing Gojo's body.

There's also the case of taking over Gojo's body to use his techniques was a last resort when everyone else was wiped out. When Yuta arrives back on the battlefield, Yuji had his claws right in Sukuna's chest. Yuji probably would have easily ripped Sukuna's heart at that moment had not Yuta showed up.

And I know, I know some Yuji's fans wanted that, I definitely would have loved to have seen that (payback), but I think back to Yuta's words in this chapter and overall what has happened.

Everyone, at some point, had to shed that bit of their humanity to win their fight.

It takes a curse to kill a curse. This is literal and figurative to the story. To be a jujutsu sorcerer you have to shed some bit of yourself to kill a curse.

This whole time, Yuji, probably the most human character (how ironic) has little by little shed his humanity as the story progresses. He's losing himself.

What if Yuta caught that? While we know Yuji didn't know some of the plans doing on, we can guess it wasn't the case vice versa. What if Yuta knew about everything or most of what Yuji had to do to get to where he is?

What if Yuta coming in right as Yuji was about to rip out Sukuna's heart was him saving Yuji from losing that last bit of humanity he has? Keep in mind that Yuji and Sukuna mirror each other, so ripping out his (Sukuna's) heart would make Yuji no better than Sukuna.

Shibuya was the start of Yuji truly believing himself to be less of a human. Chapter 261 mirrors Shibuya in some regards and I feel like the next couple of chapters may be Yuji seeing himself as a human, not a cog, again.

What if for the next chapters during Yuta's second confrontation with Sukuna, Yuji may get that hit of morality back when he learns what Yuta has done, he'll reflect on it and think about himself? What if once he learns what Yuta has done he gets a "do I want to be like that" moment?

I don't know, I don't know. But I feel like this...

Yuta is tired. He has those dark shadows under his eyes that make him look physical tired, but what if that is also a connotation/visual way of saying that Yuta is tired of how his life is now?

He acts like he's in a better state than how he really is and maybe this whole time, he just wanted to let go. He puts on this show though because he doesn't want the others to fret over him and snapped when Maki said he was important to them. He no longer felt like a human. Just a monster, a cog to the system... a curse, if you will. He accepted death when he knew there wasn't a high chance of escaping it.

However, he chose a moment that was "Hey, I'm going to die and I accept that, but you (Yuji) I'm giving a chance". I'm sure he knew about Gojo's plan to wanting a better future for the next generation. He's continuing to pave a way for that generation. Yuta's giving Yuji that chance to still be human, something he feels he can no longer be. He's been in Yuji's shoes, so he certainly know the path Yuji may be heading. Yuta may have the intentions to stop him heading in the same direction he and Gojo were steered into.

This may be Yuta's way of helping Yuji break that cycle.

[hiveworks]

Hiveworks Interview with Clover, author of Go Get A Roomie! and Little Tiny Things

June 2023

Go Get A Roomie! is a queer found-family slice-of-life comic that began in 2010, featuring Roomie and her friends as they work through their internal and interpersonal struggles, as well as journeys of self discovery.

This month, Hiveworks is hosting a crowdfunding campaign to print the fourth and final volume of beloved webcomic Go Get A Roomie! by Clover.

We asked author Clover to talk about their experiences with GGAR, webcomics, and staying creative.

As the creator behind several comic series, what drew you to the webcomic medium?

I first found out that webcomics existed around 2008 and had a few favorites I followed regularly. Being into drawing comics myself, the thought of doing a webcomic creeped into mind slowly but surely. I loved how accessible webcomics were, how easy it seemed to be to start one, how certain webcomic communities were. So I started one :)

Go Get A Roomie! started in 2010. The world has changed a lot since then! What was it like to post queer content online then and now?

There are way more queer webcomics now than before! Go Get a Roomie! probably partly owes its success to the fact that there weren't too many queer ongoing webcomics back then.

Readers demanded more queer content, more specific to their needs. Now there's more choice. If you don't like a queer webcomic, you can find another one without any hassle!

How has the landscape of posting webcomics online generally changed for you? Has your audience changed?

Posting for three different webcomics means discovering what it's like to have a different audience for each, though some webcomics are similar enough that the audience remains largely the same. Generally though, I've had very positive experiences with most of my audience! They've been caring, and understanding enough that I've never felt rushed, or judged for taking time off when needed.

Go Get A Roomie! has concluded and you're now onto your newest slice-of-life work, Little Tiny Things, which updates Tuesdays and Thursdays. How do you stay motivated with posting your comics regularly?

I do it because I love doing it! Not that it's always easy to maintain the same schedule, but I like knowing that the story advances at a "fast" enough pace. I want readers to discover more of what I want to show them!

In addition to LTT and GGAR, you are also the creator of Headless Bliss, a surreal comic that bends towards horror. It's very different from your slice-of-life work. How does Headless Bliss fit into your creative process and identity as an artist?

Go Get a Roomie! had a few surreal elements when a character dreamed, or told stories, and I had a lot of fun with those moments because it was so different from the slice-of-life, 4-paneled, jokes I wrote for GGAR. It meant I could explore more, narration-wise and tool-wise. But it wasn't enough, I had ideas for another story that was way more psychedelic, because I've always loved those kinds of stories too (comics like Sandman have inspired me a lot), and so Headless Bliss was born. I loved having two comics of two different vibes to jump from one to the other.

Go Get A Roomie! has been successfully crowdfunded into three books, with the fourth and final volume currently underway. What do you think are the benefits of transforming webcomics to print? What are the challenges?

Webcomics online are neat because they're accessible for so many people, for free! But having them on print means more people can enjoy them, and I'm one of those who prefer reading on print than on screen. Crowdfundings are a great way to make a little more money from your hard work, but they're also a challenge because of all the extra work that needs to be done! Preparing the book, the rewards, sure, but also managing everything else surrounding the printing and the shipping of the materials promised, and on time too! Thankfully, having Hiveworks as a partner in crime means being able to share some of all that work, it's an immense help!

Outside of comics, what do you do to refuel your inspiration?

I try to not work too much! Give myself time to do something else, to go outside, breathe a little, you know? All that is told within stories has to come from somewhere, and that somewhere is you living things.

Any advice for comic artists who find themselves stuck in a rut?

Take a break and try not to feel too guilty about it. It's okay not to be at your best all the time!

What is something you're looking forward to?

Right at this moment, settling down in my new home, to be able to work once more on comics in a nice and welcoming environment. Once that's done, I'd like to try out the more "traditional" path to publishing and start a new comic for a publishing house! While still continuing webcomics because I love doing it :)

Go Get A Roomie! Book 4 crowdfunding campaign is hosted by Hiveworks. The campaign concludes June 16, 2023, at 12pm ET.

[wanderingmind867]

All my Stressors regarding School:

After my visit to see my High School again today (which was stressful, but at least it gave me a hint as to what i'm doing), I'm now beginning to think more about returning to School on Thursday. But while I think about all of that, I think it'd be nice to make a giant note venting about all my stressors, so that I can try and get this all off my chest. So without further delay, here's some of the many things stressing me out about returning to school soon:

• The School looked different: Or at least I thought it looked different. The areas of the school me and my dad went to looked nothing like what I remembered, and that lead me to have a virtual meltdown outside the school. I know it was something like a meltdown because I yelled and hit my dad again. So that was very stressful. I'm trying to calm down from all of this now, but it's a very slow process (it's been at least an hour, and my mind still hasn't stopped reeling). I don't know if the school building actually was different, anyways. But I thought it looked different, and that did enough damage to my mental state.

• I've had Stomach Issues all summer: These confuse me and make me scared to go back to school. Since June, I've had bad stomach issues. Lately they've manifested as constipation, which leads to stomach pain whenever I inevitably have a blow out and clear my bowels. And with all of these stomach issues affecting me, I'm scared to go back to school. If my stomach acts up while I'm there, I don't know what I'll do. That's the really stressful thing. And that's one of the biggest reasons i've been getting in my own head about returning to school.

• I'm worried I won't have as much time to do stuff now: For example, take my tumblr account. I post on there fairly regularly, and I engage with it a lot. With me being stuck in school for full days now (discussed more down below), I worry I won't have as much time to post or do stuff online. And for some reason, that makes me feel bad. But it's impossible to tell anyone about this issue, because I never even told my dad I post on my tumblr account. So i'm suffering in silence on this one. And just to note, it's not just tumblr that i'm worried about here. I'm also worried I won't get to do more stuff, generally. But I'm choosing to focus on tumblr, because it feels like the biggest aspect of this fear.

• My phone's notes app doesn't work without internet anymore: This one. Oh, boy. This one has been messing me up since June, and it ended up giving me a second meltdown a little over 20-30 minutes ago (as of me writing this). My phone is old (I got it in 2019), and I've had the same notes app on it since that time. It's called notepad free, and I downloaded it from the google play store. It used to work perfectly at school. From 2019 to last may or june, it worked perfectly.

But then last may or june, it suddenly stopped working without internet. When I tried to use it at school (or literally anywhere that wasn't my home), the stupid thing would crash and stop working for me. So that's been making me nervous to go back to school. My dad downloaded the same app on a new phone he bought me, but it looks different there than it does on my old one (the one I wrote this on). And noticing that difference gave me my second meltdown of the day. Now I'm writing all of this from my bed, as I try to listen to music and destress while writing this.

• I have to be at School all day: This one also really stresses me out. And this one also needs more context to be provided for it to make sense. So let me explain: last year, I only went to school for half days. I got picked up by a van halfway through the day. I got used to that, and it provided a nice routine. With my stomach being so bad, I was really looking forward to having this as an option again.

But then the principal of the school talked to my dad. He said the school had budget cuts. And since I'm not in the ASD program anymore (since I technically already graduated), I've been cut off from having this service provided to me. So now I have to go to school for full days (from like 8 am to 2 pm), and I have to just get used to that. Even though I have my f***ing stomach issues. It's unfair. And this really, really stresses me out. I hate it.

• School wouldn't let us visit a week early, like we usually do: Yeah, this one made things way too stressful on me. If I'd gotten to see the school last week, maybe some of these issues could have been dealt with by now. But that option wasn't provided to me. Nope, instead I got stuck only getting to visit today (one day before school begins!). I understand the school was undergoing some construction, but not getting to visit the school until now made me feel really stressed. Finally, I want to stress how much I'm scared to have stomach issues at school: I don't want to have to go bathroom at school. That would be stressful, and it would probably make me uncomfortable enough to dash any and all hopes of going this semester. And I'm not talking about accidentally having some pee drip out into my underwear (if you'll forgive that mental image). That would be uncomfortable, but tolerable. It's needing to go bathroom in a more serious capacity that really scares me.

With all of these issues, sometimes you almost have to wonder if going to school would be worth it. Especially since the initial stress of going back might intensify my stomach pain. But I'm probably going to go back, anyways. The plan is to at least go Thursday, and see how things go. If it ends up going badly, then we go from there.

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

Saw your reblog of the fic ask post so here I am, asking you about your fics 😂 what's the work you most love rereading (if you reread your own fics)? And is there any particular line that you wrote recently that you're proud of/particularly happy about?

Aaa thank you!!!

I do reread my fics, yes! My favourite changes from moment to moment – it depends on how much time I have and what I'm in the mood to read :) Just a couple of days ago I reread Home is where your family is and had a lovely time (I can confirm I'm still the biggest fan of Home Again, Rose!).

As for the lines, I don't want to spoil anything from my WIPs (one of them should be published either tomorrow or Thursday!), so I hope you won't mind if they're not very recent – and if I choose more than one!

I'm still really proud of this passage from i hope you do believe me / i've given you my heart:

"She pauses, waiting for Dorothy’s attention – not that it’s necessary: Dorothy has been paying attention to her all afternoon long. She’s hit with the sudden certainty that Dorothy’s never stopped paying attention to her, ever, not since that day a couple of years ago when she first walked into their home."

And I'd also like to quote this passage from the first fic I've ever posted on AO3, the sky is set to burst / the gold and the rust / the colour erupts:

"Eventually, this simple thought will become part of Aziraphale’s own happiness, another thread simply woven in the soft blanket of their love, warming his very being for all eternity. Right now, however, his mind is busy turning his world on its axis – so the warmth he feels is more similar to the heat of a thousand suns, lighting up his essence to the point where he can barely contain it. It comes out in a brilliant smile of his own and in a pang of something warm and nostalgic around his throat, and Aziraphale wonders – not for the first time – why the physical manifestations of great happiness and great sadness are so often the same, when the two feelings themselves are completely different. Because he might be tearing up, but there is not doubt in his mind that this is the greatest happiness he’s ever felt – after all, what greater happiness is there than being a source of happiness for your beloved?"

I'm sorry – I know it's more than one line, but I just love the passage so much! Possibly because that fic marked my return to writing after more than a decade of silence. I might be just a bit emotional about it.

Thank you so much for the ask, this was great fun!! <3

[gideliye]

To the person I knew from the Goddamn internet 4 years ago

11:06 p.m., Thursday, March 16, 2023, I'm rewriting, recreating, or rebuilding whatever this is. I can't sleep even though I must. I decided to run through your newsfeed once again and I saw that one post that made me write something similar. It was seven days late when I wrote those tantrums after reading your last letter for that person. I also thought that that would be the last time that I'd write something about you. It has been two years since I wrote that. The headache-causing papers still surround my bed. My body is still tired despite lying down the whole day. I am still full of insecurities. Really, nothing changed except for the fact that I've been lonelier. I have been hurting, but it's more tolerable; maybe I got used to it.

I have always been an admirer of your writings, and though oftentimes I could not comprehend what they meant, there's still something that makes me want to keep going. 

I still admire

I still can't comprehend

I still want to keep going

I want you near, but I fear.

I am everything opposite of the person you talk about. That little conversation is still stuck in my head even after all these years, but it can't be compared to someone you spend months with. A little improvement: I don't start my day looking at your Messenger stories and Facebook posts anymore, but I still envy that person who you spend your late-night talks with. I still want to be someone who you would share your anime recommendations with or have at least one mobile legend character 1v1 with, but I'm neither an otaku nor a pro-Selena user. I still make up silly stories that I came up with, and up until now, I really wanted to share them with you. But I still don't have the courage to even leave a message on how much I like your works, your ways, and just everything about you.

You still feel like home to me, although I think that it is temporary. I know you were just a shelter. Somewhere that shades me when I refuse to go home. Somewhere I feel like I belong, but I don't. 

I wanted to wipe the tears from your cheeks as you wrote that letter. I want to stop imagining the past, present, and future with you in it, but it was my only way to be somewhere close to you without having the fear of actually losing you.

Maybe I can't like anyone else more than you. Maybe I did like someone else more than you, but you resemble them so much that I had to keep my place. Maybe I didn't like them enough to make me take a risk. Maybe I don't like myself enough to make myself believe that I deserve these.

I am contented just having to read your works. I am contented with the little things that I know about you from the internet that you overshared and the secrets that I am not supposed to know. Who am I to bid you farewell? I still long for the warmth of your metaphors. I always thought that if one day we meet, please know that you will never be a stranger to me. You don't have to mind me though; I just know you a little well, but not well enough. You don't know me at all to make you look into my eyes and halt for seconds. It's only my heartbeat, which will stop for a second because your very existence matters to me a lot.

I wanted to preserve the format, but too many things changed, even though nothing or a little something did. I think it's fine. Whatever I write anyway will still have remnants of you.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary350

9/4-5/24

wednesday - thursday

listening to dna on dna.

it's been forever since i've heard this.

or i guess right now i'm going through tracks cuz i've gotta go to bed soon, but here's one:

very fun music, to me, i remember this blowing my head off in hs, and doing a bunch of fucked up acoustic guitar recordings, and since i wasn't and still am not very good at guitar (though much better now ofc, i can play write songs on guitar now...), i'd just thrash it, scrape the strings a ton, it sucked kinda because i had no good way to play amplified, so i was trying to do this sort of thing, just unable, now i can kinda get there on the computer but arto lindsay does a lot of things that are just impossible through synths, and that's okay cuz his super rhythmic method on a lot of these songs isn't exactly what i'm interested in though i should keep it in mind, some of his ideas, i use some of the stuff he does with modulating picking speed in very intentional ways in my playing, plus thinking up strange rhythms and doing totally atonal moves could be good, or idk, i already seek out lots of atonality, i think. but it's still fun. really i should see if there's any tabs for any of this, and try and learn from that as well.

here's something i was looking at today, from those old mag scans i found on that forum:

from vogue japan... just really love these. i would really like to be 'like that', whatever that means... to anyone... to me it just means being cute and stuff i guess. and also looking kind of freaky. freaky meaning... aloof i guess, and scary because of being skinny and that making you seem colder naturally. i guess. i like being cold + cute.

tonight i was reading some of marie calloway's book, i'm on the story about tao lin, where he is renamed 'jeremy lin'. it's hard to put how her stuff makes me feel into words. a strange feeling. digesting words, not getting words out, just some silent feeling, stuck inside, a marble beating on a diaphragm, producing sound, but never getting loose, going elsewhere. that's a good way to put it, the marble, transparent and shining, reforming the world through the glass as well. she is a good writer, and is good at, at least seemingly, putting her thoughts down, her insights about the ways certain people will/can be, that kind of thing. particularly men.

i did work on the soundtrack today, as well, got another little tiny scene down, tomorrow i would like to get one more out and then send that over, then get to work on the rest if i can get roughly the first half of music down, i'll be happy.

i also worked on my own music tonight a bit, one song, i just didn't like the drumming on part of it, so i messed with it, i want it to be a bit more... odd, i guess, the drumming i had down was stompy in this way i began finding very unpleasant, it was like... too nine inch nails almost? i dunno. not that it really was but it felt like too much. what i have now is looser feeling, which is definitely the direction i want it to go even if this isn't the final idea for the drums, but i need to wait a day or so to go back and listen to see if this is really what i want/need.

i really like how annoying and stupid craig kureck is on drums on arab on radar, i would really like to get some of that sloppy nonsense drumming down, more. plus the wonky rushing disco sound of some other songs i like.

i found something funny, i looked up craig's name on google, found a blog that reviewed their album soak the saddle 9 years ago or so, and found that since then, this person has been writing poetry on this blog, might be worth flipping through more but here's a funny one:

forget society when there's universe.

what a strange person. hope they are well.

today was stressful, it was errand day, next week we'll be seeing her mom twice to stock up on stuff, we'll go to sam's club... i wanna get the food court pizza... it's so yummy, to an idiot like me.

i also wrote today, somehow errands day is so stressful it always makes me write, never writing that is good for my longer narrative work, although i did some of that earlier today actually, i thought of something that might happen in an exchange. it's interesting how a scene can expand, i wonder if there's some way i can get at the non-time in writing, i guess if i catalog each detail which comes to me, that sounds interesting in some way, i'd also like to reach a point where it doesn't feel narrative. it's not that i want to get away from narrative work... i keep thinking about abstract stuff, what they can do, the abstractions in say early games, early film, i'm interested in getting at that in my writing, which i something i get to do w/ the poetry/freakproseassemblage stuff i do on days like this but i'd like to go there in 'stories', make them... it's like how life feels, to me, it's less joined, so there's these visions we have, of waking motion, of waking life modulated by the past, far off fantasies, desire, failure, all this is lancing us all at once, we do not travel through it, so much as, it's pain, i guess, so that pain of living, it's an expansion of everything, expanding to the next moment, a contraction here or there, it's a stumble, so i would like for my writing to have more of that inside of it. sometimes i am there, i do like expansion/contraction as a method, it expands into poetics, maybe, i wonder how i could make it fall apart different though.

would you believe me if i say that this has something to do with pac man and dig dug?

what is any of what's on the screen here, really, it's so strange, that and its soundscape... it's all inspiring to me.

i have to sleep now, though,

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[revasserium]

i love your replies to the writer’s ask! about the compliment you gave yourself, yes. i do agree. i’m trying to recall which HQ fanfic of yours i first read. i’ve read so many of your works from that era. as i’m sieving through my memories, a few works of yours pop up like kageyama & the world responding?? daichi’s story with the prompt on goodbyes? adore the way you hook and drag. without looking at your masterlist, which story immediately comes to mind when you think of “time”?

about driving, since i’m still new i haven’t driven much. i’m very excited to cruise on the roads, but i’m also really bad at overtaking (i.e. i can overtake—or else how would i have passed my driving test—but i haven’t done it when cars are going fast & when it’s crowded… road conditions for my test were milder). it’s scary… SJDJSJDJSJ. i’ll hopefully be driving soon with my parent who can instruct me. i think for the time being, as i get used to the car, i have to focus, but i look forward to blasting music while driving 👍 — @anonymilk

also the poem you gave me was so great 🥹 thank you!! are there any poems from that author you like as well?? why do you like them specifically?? — @anonymilk also what happened the past 2 weeks r u alright :( — @anonymilk

combining ur asks! <3 hope u dont mind and sorry i take so long lol but answers in the cut!

uGH that reaper!kageyama x angel!reader fic is still one of my all time favs u__u im so happy you remember that one. sldkfjasd and the daichi story T^T -- i realized that pre-hiatus i was so so so kagehina biased with a hard sprinkling of suga but then post-hiatus i came back and suddenly i'm a daichi stan like is this..... IRL character dev bro. am i just into the Greenest of Green Flags now. not that i dont still adore kagehina bc i do. u__u they are my babies.

in terms of "time" -- i think the one that comes to mind most immediately is the hinata "length of daylight" fic i wrote! it remains one of my fav hinata fics i've written to date :D

for driving -- it def is something that needs lots of practice! but you'll get there!!! i'm excited for you!!!! and yeah to this day, i hate overtaking ppl but it's a necessary evil LOL

re: agha shahid ali YES oh my god okay. i love his stuff. i actually found him when i saw a poem of his on the new york subway lol im not even kidding. and it still remains one of my favorite poems of his to this day -- it's called Stationary, and it goes like this:

The moon did not become the sun. It just fell on the desert in great sheets, reams of silver handmade by you. The night is your cottage industry now, the day is your brisk emporium. The world is full of paper. Write to me.

i think the reason i fell so in love with it is because every single line is so vivid. not to say that most of his other poems aren't like this as well but like. idk something about this just spoke to me so much? i love love love metaphors about like irl things turning /into/ paper or ink or like... writing-related stuff. it's just such a beautiful image to me. also like there's a phrase in every line that strikes me "reams of silver", "brisk emporium" -- and something about the sentence "the world is full of paper" makes me like want to yell bc it's so??? GOOD??? bc yes!!! the world is full of paper!!!!!

and obviously, the ending just SMACKS you doesn't it? write to me. ugh. UGH. ugh its so good.

sometimes this poem still comes back to me in random moments and it makes me happy.

and now for some not so fun stuff. tw for like... ilness and death but yeah uh.

this entire summer has just been kind of ass tbh??? like. during the single month of july, we had 4 people in my family/friend circle pass away -- 2 grandparents, 1 uncle, 1 friend of a friend (who was literally only 24yrs old!!! bruh!!!! WTF!!!). we thought August was going to be chiller, but nope. last day of Aug, last thursday, my boss's wife passed away after battling with cancer for 2+ years.

it hit hard for our entire team at work bc like. she was younger than my mom. and my boss is such an industry veteran, and he and his wife have been married for 17 years, they have a 13yr old son like... it just sucked all around. we all went to the funeral this past wednesday. it was a beautiful service, but obviously really freaking sad. half our entire office was there, everyone was crying. i was crying like. it was a mess.

and then right after, i think my body had had ENOUGH of this nonsense, and i got a really bad fever literally ONE HOUR after i got home from the funeral. and i've been sick since then.

it's just been... unreasonably rough... i'm really hoping that this is the last big bad thing that's gonna happen for the rest of the year. like. im so exhausted -- pls @ the universe LOL. take it easy on us okay.

so yeah. i try to keep the heavy stuff off this blog bc it's supposed to be a place where i come to be happy and write things that make me happy so i haven't talked about this much but u__u since you asked, i didn't wanna just be like "oh yeah everything is fine" when it's not LOL

i do hope that the summer is treating you better though! <3

[tropicalrpg]

iv. i don't know if this will link up as a title. posting on mobile is weird—it's christmas and i'm not home. maybe i should quit it with the capitalisation in my texts.

I wrote an entire thing to post today.

I'm glad I did. I'm glad I got it off my chest. I did say my therapist wanted me to journal. Good things that have been happening since, what, Wednesday? On Thursday I had some nice bread. Yesterday I had strawberries with ganache. Today I'm going to have the sweet I made the ganache and bought the strawberries for.

That's pretty food-centric, huh? I haven't come up with good things that weren't these. Some time this week I found out Mythic Quest season 3 is coming out. Yesterday someone liked my Letterboxd review for Glass Onion (which is an average and disappointing film). Today I read a bunch. I read a bit of a TTRPG guidebook, a bit of a microessay collection, and a bit of a book I'm kind of reading for school. (Happy holidays!)

Today I listened to Mirrors by Justin Timberlake again. Goddamn, I love that song. Yesterday I found a good playlist by one of my ex-Twitter mutuals, mostly distant Spotify mutuals these days. I don't think they think of me, ever. I'm not sure if they remember I exist. On Thursday I, I don't know. Listened to a lot of Modern Baseball, probably. I'm still doing a lot of that. Just this month they've wormed their way into my second most-listened to artist of the year. (God bless last.fm.)

I hope I never post that thing I wrote for today. I should really work on being less complainy. I should up my game. I've never written nonfiction before. Even my fiction has gone to shit recently. The way to get better is to write and to read, I know that, and so I'm writing and I'm reading. The words just don't come to me like they used to. The poetry. My poetry is in my poems, now, not in my prose. And my poems are made of broken sentences, shit metaphors, desperate alliterations. I use a lot of first-person pronouns everywhere. Narcissism! I should do a deep dive on that! Maybe picking it apart enough will disintegrate it. Maybe throwing it out into the ether will make it balloon and blow up.

Happy holidays to all my non-existent readers. I hope this tail-end of 2022 is pleasant for us all—I'd guess it'll still be as shit for me as the rest of the year has been, but, hey, optimism, right? Let's be optimistic. Every day could be our last; every tomorrow could be the turning point.

I'll still be here tomorrow, mind you. This is no goodbye. I'll be here tomorrow and on Monday and so on. I still have at least two whole months to try and get my prose out right. I'm trying to write a novel, too. Less than I'm trying to do this. I've gotten so used to writing in English that trying to do something right in my native language is tough. I think it was coming out okay. I'll keep trying. I tried to write a novel earlier this year, too, in my other summer holidays. I got about 40 thousand words in; a little less. Maybe this time I'll reach the golden fifty—maybe this time I'll reach the end.

Good day!

2022.12.24

[watchmegetobsessed]

SLEEPLESS

a/n: omg! it's been so long since i last wrote something for harry so it feels a bit weird but in a good way to be back. i've been spending more time offline so writing hasn't been going that fast like before, but im working on a few other stuff too! just please be patient with me, im trying my besti swear! so now enjoy this oneshot of two oblivious and stupid roommates who start sharing a bed...

pairing: Roommate!Harry x reader

word count: 8.1k

masterlist

Living with three boys has its perks but also a lot of downsides too. It’s not how you planned, you were set to move in with one of your friends from second year, but she bailed on you last minute, leaving you with no place to live when most of the houses were already taken for the next at least one year. You were bracing yourself to sleep under a bridge or something already when your heroes came along.

You went to high school with Harry Niall and Louis, but you weren’t exactly in the same friend group, just knew about each other. Then you ended up in the same Lit class freshman year with Harry and he was basically your pass into their little group. You hit it off pretty easily and you always wondered why you didn’t become friends before college. Later you had two more classes with him in the second semester and it was just all a coincidence that he found out about your living situation.

“Why don’t you move in with us?” he prompted one afternoon when you were studying together in the library.

“I’m not sharing a room with any of you, Harry,” you sighed, shaking your head.

“You wouldn’t have to. We had a fourth mate living with us but he dropped out about a month ago. You could take his bedroom.”

“Are for real? You should talk about it with the boys first, don’t you think?”

“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind it. They like you too and if I’m being honest, the place could use the touch of a woman,” he smirked and you just rolled your eyes, but you were incredibly thankful for the offer.

So after talking with Niall and Louis about it and once they gave their amens on the situation, you officially moved in with the three of them.

You’d be lying if you said there hasn’t been times when you thought about choosing the bridge, living with boys is not exactly a dream. They are messy, sometimes loud and oblivious about certain things women do and need. You’ll never forget Niall’s face when you packed the shelf above the toilet with your tampons and pads. The horror in his eyes as he examined all the different sizes and types.

“But why so many? I don’t get it why you need the large ones and the mini ones too,” he huffed.

“Because I vary them according to the strength of my flow.”

“Bless you,” he scoffed and just walked away.

They tend to leave their clothes around the house and they don’t always realize when it’s time to let some fresh air into the place either. Harry has a sixth sense wanting to use the bathroom when you’re in and Louis always forgets to get rid of his spoiled food from the fridge. Tini things that surely got you thinking if it was a good idea to move in with them. But then there are times when you can’t even imagine sharing a home with anyone else than these three idiots.

The way Harry always leaves you a cup of coffee on the counter when he has an early class on mondays and wednesdays, how Niall always waits for you to get home after your night shifts at the restaurant you’ve been working at, but he always just says he was watching Supernatural on TV. You love that Louis goes out of his way to get you your favorite pastry for breakfast on sundays when he goes for his morning runs. But the absolute best is that you never feel alone or bored with these three around. Something is always happening and they make sure to involve you in everything, making you feel like part of their little pack.

Tonight is Thursday and Thursdays are movie nights in your home. It’s been a tradition since the first week and you haven’t missed any of them. Sitting on the couch at your usual spot, you laugh as Niall growls in annoyance when you suggest to watch another rom-com.

“Not again!” he protests, sitting on the floor by the coffee table you and Harry thrifted a few months ago after the previous one was broken at a smaller party held in the house.

“Why? I bet Harry would love it!” you grin, glancing at the guy in talk who is now entering the room with a big bowl of popcorn.

“Of course he would, because he is a pussy! And the two of you always team up, dragging Louis with you so I can never watch something I enjoy!” Niall whines as Harry sits next to you, not too bothered by his friend’s cries.

“Come on, I bet you enjoyed Crazy, Stupid Love last week!” you laugh, remembering how he whined for the first part, then fell asleep at the end.

“Love, if you think that was enjoyment, I wouldn’t want to be your boyfriend,” Niall scoffs and you gasp at his reply.

“Hey!” you snap at him, but can’t help laughing. This is how it always goes with you and Niall, the non-stop bickering can sometimes drive Harry and Lou insane.

“Okay, so what do you want to watch?” Harry asks, throwing some popcorn into his mouth as he gets comfortable, an arm resting on the back of the couch behind you, the other one busy with the snack in his lap.

“There is this new horror I’ve been dying to see!” Niall’s blue eyes light up right away, but you’re fast to break that shine.

“Nah, no way. I’m not watching a horror movie.”

“Why not?”

“Because I fucking hate them and they scare the shit out of me.”

“That’s like the whole point!” he protests, but you shake your head no again.

“What are you fighting about again?” Louis asks, walking into the room after his quick shower, the smell of his body wash filling the room for a few moments.

“I want to watch a horror movie, but Y/N is a little baby and she doesn’t want to.”

“I’m not a baby! I just don’t enjoy watching people get killed or demons sucking the life out of someone!” Niall just rolls his eyes at your response.

“But it’s always what you or Harry wants to watch, why can’t I choose just this once?”

“That’s not true, we watch movies you like too!” you retort, but Niall gives you an unimpressed look. “We watched that crime thing, that was your choice!”

“That was three months ago, Y/N,” he sighs and as you do some quick math you realize that he is right.

“Hey, he has a point. Let’s just watch what he wants this one time, yeah?” Harry curls his arm that’s been on the back of the couch around your shoulder and he pulls you to his side, squeezing you gently.

“But I hate horrors,” you pout, knowing well that it’s already kind of settled, you lost this battle.

“It’s just a movie. And if you get scared in the night, you can sleep at mine,” he offers with a wink that surely makes your heartbeat fasten a bit.

If you’re being honest, you’ve always had a tiny crush on Harry, even back in high school, when you didn’t really know him. He was the cool guy, but not the douchebag type, more like the one that was nice to everyone and earned their respect and liking. Getting to know him just proved that he really is a great guy, but you figured he would never feel the same way about you. These three guys only saw you as their sister and that was in a way kinda worse than being friend zoned, but there’s nothing you can do about it, so you just decided to come to peace with your situation. But that doesn’t mean you don’t get flustered when you see him wander around the house in just his boxers or when he gets a little touchy with you, which happens a lot, because that’s just how he is. Hands on your shoulders, a little squeeze on your hips, the gentle touch of his fingers on your back, they happen all the time and they get your pulse up every time. You can only hope it’s not that noticeable.

Niall finally gets what he wants and you agree to watch that stupid horror movie. It doesn’t start off too bad, but it quickly escalates and makes you shudder every time the screen gets a little darker or the music is foreshadowing that something is about to happen.

“Jesus fuck!” you jump a little when the killer appears out of nowhere in the scene.

“You alright?” Harry asks, peeking down at you.

“I fucking hate this dude,” you mumble, rubbing your face with your hands, to get your shit together. Harry chuckles lightly next to you, his arm pulling you to his side close and you gladly sink against him, the warmth of his body giving you some comfort and a sense of safety.

Your eyes are on the screen, but your mind is dancing around how his fingers are delicately running up and down your arm, drawing circles and little shapes on your skin. It could put you to sleep easily, even with the woman screaming on the screen after seeing her husband get killed.

“Just imagine the guy with a funny mustache,” Harry murmurs, leaning closer to you so he doesn’t bother the other two guys with his comment. “Or maybe in a ridiculous outfit.”

“Like… in a onsie?” you ask, squinting your eyes at the screen.

“Could be, yeah,” he chuckles quietly. “Just imagine him running through the woods in a onsie with bunnies all over it.”

You can’t push your laughter down, covering your mouth with your hand so you don’t bother the others. Harry just smirks, giving you a squeeze as you’re still melted against his side on the couch, legs pulled up to your chest, while his are spread out in front of him.

“Definitely not that scary,” you giggle and Harry hums in agreement.

“Would you mind getting a fucking room, you guys? You have two, in fact!” Niall snaps at you playfully, when you start laughing again.

“Sorry, sorry!” you clear your throat, your cheeks heating up at the comment, but luckily it’s dark enough to hide your embarrassment. Niall is always quick to make dirty jokes and tease you in a way that makes you nervous, especially when it involves Harry as well. He has made plenty of comments about you and Harry since you’ve moved in, implying that the two of you sometimes act like a couple or that you should hook up. Harry is always quick to shake them off, that’s how you know he couldn’t even take the thought seriously.

At the end of the movie you feel like it wasn’t bad, not with Harry holding you close at least.

“Will you be screaming tonight, Y/N?” Niall teases you, making you roll your eyes at him.

“Either way it’s gonna be your fault.”

“I can live with that!” he laughs, bidding his goodbye before he shuts the door of his bedroom behind him.

You do your usual evening routine, get ready to bed and by the time you’re done in the bathroom all the boys have retired into their rooms. The hallway stands dark in front of you, only a tiny bit of light coming from your bedroom since you left your bedside lamp on in there, but you still can’t help the eerie feeling that washes over you. That movie didn’t sit right with you and now you have to face the aftermath of it.

Switching the lights in the bathroom off you sprint into your bedroom, pictures from the movie flashing in your mind of the killer just jumping out of nowhere. You shut the door and lean your back against it for a moment, taking a deep breath. Tonight is going to be long.

No matter how hard you try, you just can’t fall asleep. You’re way too alerted, opening your eyes at the tiniest of sounds around you, which is unfortunate, because your window is looking over the main street, unlike two other rooms in the house, that are facing the small backyard. Harry and Louis have the luck to have those rooms.

Every time you’re about to fall asleep something from the movie sneaks into your thoughts and you get scared to death. Soon, you realize you won’t be able to sleep on your own tonight.

Sitting on the edge of your bed, you wonder if Harry really meant that offer that you can sleep with him or not. Part of you is convinced it was just a joke, but when you hear someone shouting down the street you push your doubts aside and you quickly find yourself making your way to Harry’s room.

You knock on the room lightly, not wanting to wake anyone else up. The last thing you need is Niall seeing you go into Harry’s room in the middle of the night.

No answer comes from inside, but you won’t just leave it at that. Opening the door you’re facing another dark room, barely making out the furniture, but you already know the route by heart. Making it to the bed your eyes finally adjust to the darkness and you can see Harry lying on his side, sleeping peacefully. Squatting down you place a hand to his shoulder and give him a tiny shake.

“Harry?” you call out quietly, but his answer is just a huff. “Harry, it’s me,” you try again, squeezing his arm. He furrows his eyebrows before slowly blinking his eyes open, finding you in his sight.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” he asks in that groggy, low voice you love hearing in the morning so much.

“I can’t… Did you mean that I can sleep here if I’m scared?” you ask, afraid that he might just have a good laugh and send you back to your room. For a long moment, he just blinks at you before nodding his head and you feel relief washing over you.

“Sure,” he hums.

“O-okay then I’ll bring a blanket and take the floor and--”

“Shut up, you are not sleeping on the floor,” he growls, grabbing your wrist and pulling you into bed with him as he scoots over, making you space on the mattress.

It’s a bit weird at first, lying in bed with Harry, especially because it’s just queen sized, so there’s not much space between the two of you, but it seems like Harry doesn’t mind it so why should you?

Your nerves are a lot calmer with Harry next to you, but maybe it’s still because of the movie or because you’re a bit anxious about the whole situation, you just still can’t relax enough to fall asleep.

“Y/N, no one is gonna kill you here,” Harry speaks up surprising you because you thought he has already fallen back asleep.

“I know, I know,” you whisper, trying to sound convincing, but you can’t fool anyone, especially not him.

He huffs deeply and before you could realize what’s happening, Harry’s arm is curled around your waist, pulling you against him, spooning you from behind, the warmth of his body wrapping your figure almost entirely.

“If a murderer comes, they will have to fight me first, alright? Now sleep,” he mumbles against your hair, squeezing you gently. All at once, you couldn’t care about killers and dark shadows around you, because Harry was right there, holding you tight and there was nowhere you wanted to be more than right there.

You slept like a baby. Harry’s closeness kept every nightmare away from you and the morning came with ease. Harry’s phone wakes the two of you up at eight, because he has a morning class at 9.30. The two of you are completely tangled up in each other, lying on your side facing each other, Harry’s arms are wrapped around you, while yours are hugging his waist. Groaning at the sound of his alarm, he rolls to his back to reach for the phone on the nightstand and then he finally turns it off. It’s bright outside, the darkness of the night finally long gone. You’re still groggy when Harry rolls back, his arm coming back around you like it’s the most natural thing in the world and in a sense, it feels like that. But as you both slowly wake up, you realize that you might be a little too close. Slowly but surely you let go of each other, rolling to your back, staring up at the ceiling.

“Hope I didn’t kick you in my sleep,” you smile at him, peeking over at him, hoping to break the awkwardness of the situation.

“No, don’t worry about it,” he chuckles, rubbing his eyes, before pushing himself up and off the bed. You follow him with your gaze as he steps to his dresser and grabs a pair of clean underwear. “I’ll put on a coffee while I shower, want one too?” he asks, though you know he could make one for you anyway.

“Sure, thank you,” you nod and he nods back, yawning as he walks out of the room, leaving you lying in his bed, a bit confused and kind of aching to be held by him again.

Two days pass by, everything is going as per usual, neither you nor Harry brings up that you spent the night in his bed that one particular time. Now it’s saturday and you all were planning to go out, but a sudden storm has cancelled your plans, so the evening turned into a cozy, lazy hangout instead of a wild party at some frat house.

Louis decided to work on a paper that’s due in two weeks, Niall has been relentlessly swiping on Tinder while you and Harry are spawled out on the couch, watching some shitty action movie that was on TV, since you both were too lazy to choose one and put it on. Deep down you’re a little happy you don’t have to spend the evening in a crowded, smelly house, drinking cheap alcohol.

Harry gets up from his seat to grab himself a drink just when Niall growls in annoyance.

“What is it?” you ask.

“They keep unmatching with me after we’ve talked a little!”

“Have you thought about the reason?” you smirk at him, knowing well that Niall probably isn’t the easiest to talk to, he surely takes it too far too soon.

“Well they probably don’t like that I ask them if I can go over,” he shrugs, making you laugh.

“You’d go over in the pouring rain?” Harry asks, returning to his spot on the couch. He puts his drink to the coffee table and instead of sitting into his previous position, leaning against the arm of the couch, he lies down, laying his head to your thigh, making your breath hitch for a moment.

“Of course not!” Niall rolls his eyes. “But I thought it would make them think I would do anything for them.”

“It makes you seem desperate,” Harry retorts, earning a questioning look from his friend. “What? It does!”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Yes it does,” you nod in agreement. “Going over in the middle of a storm just to fuck? Sounds like you’re having a hard time finding someone.”

“Women are so fucking complicated, and for what?!” he growls, before storming off to his bedroom, like an angsty teenager, leaving you and Harry alone.

He doesn’t move, his head stays on your thigh using it as a pillow. His curls are tickling the soft skin on your thigh and you have to fight the urge to play with his hair or scratch his scalp. You stay like this for the rest of the movie and when he gets up you almost want to pull him back.

“Alright, I’m fucked, I’m gonna go to bed,” he yawns, stretching his arms out into the air as he heads into his bedroom. “Good night, Y/N.”

“Night, Harry!” you call after him as you watch his frame disappear down the hallway.

Sighing, you slide down on the couch, cursing under your breath that you’re still so hung up on Harry. You really thought that you had it under control, but lately those damn butterflies are acting up in your stomach at everything he does.

“I’m pathetic,” you mumble under your breath just as the sky rumbles outside with a blinding lightning, making you jump with a squeak. “Shit,” you huff, already knowing that falling asleep will be a pain in the ass. Again.

You’ve always hated storms, they make you think that something bad is about to happen, a tree is about to fall into the window or a lightning will blow up the building. It’s kind of stupid, you know it, but you just can’t help it.

Tossing and turning, you jump every time a lightning flashes somewhere outside and a few seconds later the thunder rips through your whole body, almost making you fall off the bed.

“Oh God,” you let out a shaky breath. You have no idea how long it is until the Storm finally stops and you’d really like to have a good night's sleep. So pushing your anxious thoughts to the side, you get out of bed and head over to Harry’s room once again.

It’s such a deja vu from a few nights ago, as you gently knock on the door you wait again, but this time you actually get an answer.

“Yeah?” you hear him call out from inside and you slowly open the door, peeking your head inside. Harry is lying in bed, his head propped up against the headboard as he is scrolling through his phone. “Y/N? What’s wrong?” he asks, putting the phone aside as he sits up.

“I just, I-I know it’s stupid, but I was thinking… I don’t know--”

“Y/N, just tell me, alright? Come on in,” he gestures for you and you slip into the room, closing the door behind you before sitting to the edge of the bed next to him. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t sleep during storms…” you admit, looking into his eyes, hoping he gets the hint where you want to head with it. He stares back at you for a moment before he scoots over, lifting the covers up, giving you the green light to join him.

Relieved, you climb over to him, making yourself comfortable as he wraps the blanket over you, his arm immediately coming to cradle you, this time pulling you to his chest so your head is laid upon his shoulder, a hand gently placed onto his hard chest, probably right above where his butterfly tattoo is adorning his abdomen.

This is now easily your favorite place. Safe and tight in Harry’s arms, protected from anything and everything, like you’re in a little bubble as soon as you get on his bed.

Lightning strikes outside again and you shiver a little. Harry probably notices it, because he tightens his hold around you, as if it’s his way telling you that he is here and nothing bad is gonna happen. Eventually, you’re able to shut the outside out and only focus on Harry’s warmth, the touch of his hand on your arm and his even breathing. And then finally, you drift off to sleep.

This morning is different from the previous one you spent here. There’s no alarm since it’s Sunday, neither of you have anything in particular to do, so you wake up feeling rested, the Sun shining through his half drawn in curtains, no trace of last night’s storm can be noticed from where you’re lying in bed, the sky is as clear as ever. Sometime during the night you got tangled in a way where Harry is the one now cuddling you, his head lying on your chest, hugging you as if you were a giant teddy bear, his leg thrown between yours, lightly snoring against your sleep shirt. You can only see his mop of hair and the urge to play with them is back, but this time, you give in.

Leaving one hand on his back, you move the other one to his unruly locks, gently playing with one before you comb your fingers through it, lightly scratching his scalp. Harry hums in pleasure, shifting from his dreams back to reality, but he doesn’t move, just keeps humming as you massage his scalp.

“It’s not a good morning, it’s the best,” he mumbles groggily, making you chuckle at his words.

One of his hands is flat against your ribcage and the damned butterflies start dancing when you feel his fingers gently stroke your side as you keep playing with his curls. This feels so idyllic, as if you’ve been like this forever. You wish that was true.

Groaning as he stretches, Harry rolls to his back, making you instantly miss his body pressed against yours. He rubs his eyes, sighing deep as he blinks up at the ceiling a few times, then he turns his head to the side, looking at you.

Just when he is about to say something, outside his door it sounds like someone just broke a pile of plates and it’s followed by Niall’s usual annoyed growl. You both get out of bed to go and check what happened, not even thinking about how it might appear that you both are coming from Harry’s room in the morning.

Harry flings the door open and there is Niall, collecting pieces of a plate from the floor, his breakfast scattered down the hallway as well while he curses under his breath.

“What happened?” Harry asks, picking up a bigger piece from the plate.

“Fucking tripped,” he growls back, glancing up just for a moment, then back down, but then he processes that you’re standing behind Harry, in his room, in the morning. “What the fuck are you doing in Harry’s room?” he bluntly asks, quickly forgetting about the mess he just made.

“What?” you ask nervously, your pulse quickening in an instant. Harry stands up, seemingly not too bothered by Niall’s question.

“You slept in his room?!”

“She did,” Harry answers, leaning against the doorframe.

“Wait, are you two fucking?” Niall’s eyes widen, snapping back and forth between you and Harry.

“Just because two people sleep in the same bed, doesn’t mean they are fucking, Niall,” Harry chuckles, seemingly amused by the situation that’s got your stomach knotted. Louis’ door opens and he walks out, his hair a little messy, but already dressed, a mug halfway filled with coffee in his hand.

“Wha’s this circus out here?” he asks, looking around, his eyes scanning over the mess on the floor.

“Did you know these two are fucking?” Niall asks him and Harry lets his head drop back at his words.

“Are you?” Louis simply questions and you shake your head no.

“We are not. Y/N can’t sleep in a storm so she came over to mine.”

“Funny, she doesn’t come to me when she’s scared,” Niall scoffs.

“I never came to you because you don’t understand that sleeping together doesn’t mean sex,” you retort, though your ears are practically burning from the rising anxiety inside you.

“Wait, whoa. This wasn’t the first time you two slept together?”

“She was scared after your stupid horror movie too,” Harry shrugs.

“Wow, so are you guys a thing now or what?”

“Niall!” Harry growls and you’re not entirely sure what bothers you more. Niall’s shock and interrogation or the way Harry seems so cool and unbothered, like it’s no big deal. Maybe because for him it really isn’t, it’s only about the sleeping, nothing else, even though the cuddles are a little beyond the lines of friendship.

“What? I’m just asking the important stuff! Am I not allowed to tell dirty jokes to Y/N because you’ll cut my prick off?”

“You shouldn’t tell those anyway,” Louis chimes in and you nod in agreement.

Seeing that the conversation is just getting more and more awkward with each passing moment you decide to pull yourself out of it. Pushing yourself past Harry you mumble an excuse me before rushing back into your room, the three boys eyeing you curiously as you shut the door behind you, finally putting a physical barrier between you and them.

You shouldn’t be this offended, it’s not like any promises were made and you should have known better and not fall for him more than you already did. It was silly of you to think that there was anything more behind these nights spent curled up against each other, or when you woke up tangled and melted together. It was never what you hoped it to be.

Then and there you decide it’s better if you distanced yourself from him, or at least go back to how it was before. No bed sharing, no cuddling and preferably no bitter feelings.

It all goes well, because you have a pretty busy week after that day, you always have something to do and it’s not like you spent the night with Harry randomly, so it was evident that you stayed in your room so far.

But about a week later another storm was threatening to strike. The sky was gradually darkening all afternoon and now it’s only five o’clock, but it feels like eight. It’s Sunday, you’re quite exhausted since you were working until three. Niall was out somewhere with some of his coursemates and Louis went home for the weekend, won’t be back until Tuesday. It’s just you and Harry, who’s been sprawled out on the couch in only his sweatpants while you’re making yourself an early dinner so you can go to bed soon and have a good night’s sleep.

It doesn’t take long for the rain to start pouring, you’ve just gotten out of the shower when the first thunder rips through the place, making you gasp in fear. Harry’s head snaps around, looking in your way where you’re standing at the bathroom door, a questioning look in his eyes, but he doesn’t say a word. Ignoring his gaze, you just make your way into your bedroom, not even thinking about what could be on his mind. Is he thinking about whether you’ll ask to sleep with him again or he doesn’t care about it at all?

By the time you are ready to go to bed, the storm is fully raging outside, making your insides tremble every time you see a lightning or the thunder breaks the quietness in the house. You make one last trip to the kitchen, finding Harry leaned against the counter as he eats an apple.

“Going to bed early?” he asks as you pour yourself some water.

“Mhm,” you nod, avoiding looking at him.

“Everything alright?”

“Sure, I’m just tired,” you force a small smile onto your face just when a thunder rumbles outside, making you jump. Harry is watching you curiously and kind of expectantly, but you’re doing your best ignoring it. Instead, you just grab your water and head back to your room. “Good night.”

“Night, Y/N,” he calls after you, and you can feel his burning gaze on your back right until you close the door behind you.

Your plan to sleep a good ten hours goes right out the window. It doesn’t seem like the storm is about to calm anytime soon, so you’re stuck to suffer through it on your own. You’ll be damned to go to Harry’s, that would be an instant heart break and you just can’t take that right now. Long, torturous hours pass by with you lying awake in bed and part of you wants to go running over to Harry, but you force yourself to stay. It’s not happening tonight.

You fall asleep sometime after two in the morning when the thunder and lightning have stopped. Unfortunately, you need to wake up early in the morning, so when your phone’s alarm shakes you out of your sleep, you feel like absolute shit. Dragging yourself out of bed appears to be the hardest thing right now. As you make your way out, you are met with an all too familiar figure sitting at the small dining table, two cups of coffees in front of him, one obviously made for you.

Harry’s eyes snap up at you curiously, taking in your terrible looks as you head to the bathroom.

“Morning,” you mumble under your breath.

“Good morning’,” he nods in your way and though he doesn’t say anything else, you can tell he has a few thoughts about your current state.

Once you’re done with your morning business in there you join him at the table, barely able to keep your eyes open.

“Rough night?” he asks, eyes examining your face.

“Kinda.”

“The storm?”

You don’t answer, just nod your head. He remains silent, but you can feel that he is dying to ask another question.

Why didn’t you come over?

You’re glad he doesn’t actually asks you, because you wouldn’t be able to give either a normal answer or say anything without starting to cry. Instead, you just grab your coffee and head back into your bedroom to get ready for the day.

That week on Friday all four of you are invited to a party. At first you want to cancel, but some of your friends from classes will be there too and it’s been ages since you’ve been to a great party, so you decide to tag along with the boys.

For the first half of the evening you go your separate way, spending time with people you don’t actually live with and see every day. One drink follows the other, though you make sure you don’t go farther than getting tipsy. You’re not in the mood to deal with a nasty hangover in the morning.

Sometime after your third or fourth drink you run into Niall and he pulls you into their little circle that also involves Harry. When he sees that you’ve joined them, his eyes light up and goes out of his way to get next to you.

“I haven’t seen you in ages!” he whines, slurring his words as he wraps an arm around your shoulders to keep you at his side. He is definitely drunk, that you’re sure of.

“It’s been just about two hours, Harry,” you roll your eyes, but can’t push your smile down. You’d be lying if you said you’re not enjoying having him so close. Your dynamic hasn’t been the same since you stopped sleeping in his bed. Not that it was such a regular activity, it only happened two times.

“But I missed you, I feel like we haven’t… haven’t talked in so long!” he huffs, knitting his eyebrows together. “Have you been avoiding me?” he asks leaning closer, so your conversation can somewhat be private.

“That’s silly. Of course I haven’t!”

“But it feels like that,” he pouts with glossy eyes. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?”

“Sure,” you nod, the bitter taste of lying filling your mouth.

“Alright, cool,” he smirks and pulling closer he kisses into your hair before he engages with the rest of the group again, keeping his arm around you as if it wasn’t a big deal.

For the rest of the evening you simply don’t leave his side and not because he doesn’t let you, but because you don’t want to. Harry is not the only one missing the other, this week you’ve noticed that even though you’ve been keeping yourself busy, your thoughts always took you back to one particular, curly haired boy. Despite everything that’s been going on, he is your friend first and foremost who you love spending time with and talking about anything and everything.

Both of you are intoxicated, Harry a bit more than you, but you’re having a blast playing beerpong or ruining Niall’s chances with girls he is trying to pick up. You’re genuinely having an amazing time and it wouldn’t be the same without Harry.

Arriving back home your little group splits, everyone using the bathroom after the other and you’re the last one in line, because you always take the longest. By the time you’re finished, Louis and Niall are both locked up in their rooms, but Harry’s door is still open, some dim lighting illuminating the hallway. As you approach it, you find him throwing his dirty clothes into the hamper, but his head perks up when he sees you.

“Good night, H,” you sigh, quite tired and in need of a good sleep, but before you could head into your own bedroom, Harry grabs your wrist and pulls you into his. “What is it?”

“Sleep here,” he simply prompts, already leading you to the bed.

“Why?”

“Because I want you to.”

“I-I… I don’t--” you stutter, feeling flustered from his offer.

“Come on, you can’t say no,” he tells you, already crawling under his covers and then he holds them up as the invitation.

Taking a deep breath you follow him and make yourself comfortable in your almost usual spot. Harry’s arm falls over your waist in an instant, spooning you from behind as he hums pleased. But a few moments later he lifts his head, looking at you with concern in his eyes.

“You know you can say no, right? I was just joking.” Looking back at him you give him a small smile. Even drunk he makes sure you aren’t doing anything you don’t want to, but how could you not want it? You’ve been aching to sleep next to him all week, especially after the last storm when you suffered alone in your room.

“I know, Harry.”

“Alright, okay,” he nods, his head dropping back to the pillow. “I missed this,” he mumbles with a sigh.

“Yeah?”

“Mm, sleeping alone sucks,” he hums and in a split second, your heart breaks.

Harry didn’t want to sleep with you, he just wanted to sleep with someone and you were the one there. It has nothing to do with you.

You want to blame him, you want it to be his fault that your chest is now aching, knowing that it truly doesn’t mean the same thing to him it does to you, but you know you can’t. It wouldn’t be fair, so once again, you’re left with a sinking heart wrapped up into Harry’s embrace that suddenly feels burning.

“Good night, Y/N.”

“Good night, Harry.”

When the morning comes Harry is still sleeping deep beside you, an arm thrown over your waist, puffing warm air against the side of your head with every breath he exhales. Seeing him so peaceful warms your heart, but then you realize everything that happened last night, how he only used you because you were available and not because he wanted you.

You don’t want to wait for him to wake up and face him, your emotions would surely bring the best out of you. So carefully, you unwrap yourself from his hold and sneak out of his room, back into yours.

There’s no way you can face Harry right now, so before he could wake up you leave, planning on spending the day in the library, working on your assignments, hoping the school work will take your mind off of how badly you’ve been friendzoned.

Sometime after eleven Harry actually texts you asking where you went and you just tell him you have a shitload of school stuff to deal with. He asks if he can join you, but you tell him you’re with a group of your classmates, even though you’re sitting in an almost entirely empty library. He luckily doesn’t push it and leaves you to be. Hopefully he’ll be fine when you take another step away from him for a while to get your head straight and sort your emotions out.

You get home quite late, but not late enough, apparently. Because walking into the house you find the boys clearly getting ready to watch a movie.

“Just in time!” Niall beams. “Join us, Princess!” he laughs, grabbing himself a cola from the fridge.

“Oh, no, I have some things to work on--”

“Come on, you’ve been in the library all day, you can have a break!” Louis tells you and you know you won’t be left alone, they are just so persistent.

So you join them in your usual spot, which is of course next to Harry, though you’re trying to avoid his gaze that hasn’t left you since you arrived and by now you’re certain he knows you’re avoiding him. There’s a reason why he asked you last night if you’ve been doing it lately, he is not stupid, but this is not the time to deal with it.

With your inner crisis bubbling inside you, you completely forget to ask what you’re watching. A few minutes into the movie it becomes quite clear however.

“Is this a fucking horror movie again?” you ask, snapping at Niall, who just starts laughing.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure Harry will gladly let you sleep in his bed tonight,” he teases, making your whole face heat up at his comment. Harry slaps his chest before he turns to you with concern filled eyes, but you pretend like you see nothing, turning back to the screen with your jaw clenched.

You’re fucked.

The movie is a fucking shitshow and leaves you traumatized. When it’s over, you think about why didn’t you just stand up and go into your room when you realized it’s another horror. For a change, this one was filled with demons and monsters that hide in the shadows, just what you need before going to bed. In the night. In a totally dark room.

Exiting the bathroom you’re already planning on watching something lighthearted and cheerful in your room, hoping that would make you forget the movie you just saw and give you the chance to actually sleep.

Walking past Harry’s room you see that it’s still open and you catch him expectantly looking at you when you appear in the doorway as you walk down the hallway, your eyes meeting for just a split second before you disappear from his sight and shut your bedroom door without a word behind you.

No matter how many random videos you watch on YouTube, some scenes from the movie are just imprinted into your mind and they have you trembling in fear. Every shadow looks like a demon or ghost, hiding in your room, ready to haunt and kill you and you’re on the verge of actually crying. It might not be only because of the movie, more like everything else that’s been bottled up inside you, added to the fear the movie has brought to you.

Shutting your eyes closed you try to take deep breaths and for a bit it actually seems to help, but that is until you hear the door opening. It gives you an instant heart attack and you can’t keep your tears back anymore.

A whimper leaves your mouth as the door opens and you can only see a shadow entering the room, totally not recognizing Harry in the dark.

“Y/N, hey, it’s just me! It’s okay!” he quickly clears, seeing how shaken up you are. He rushes over to the bed, one hand cupping your cheek, the other one finding your hand and before you could think, you grip it hard.

“You scared the living hell out of me!” you cry out, sobbing.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to check on you.”

Silence sets between the two of you that’s only momentarily broken by your shaky breaths as you try to calm yourself down.

“Why didn’t you come to mine after the movie if you were so scared?” he then asks, surprising you with how straightforward he is.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” you mumble, blinking the remaining of the tears away as Harry stares down at you intently.

“Why would you think you’d bother me? I like having you there.”

“But it’s… Doesn’t matter,” you sigh in defeat, but it just concerns him even more.

“No, tell me!”

“Harry, just go back to your room. I’ll be fine.”

“You definitely won’t and I’m not leaving until you don’t tell me what’s going on,” he protests firmly and you lose your patience to keep lying to him.

“You just wanted someone to sleep with yesterday, okay? You didn’t need me. And… I don’t want to depend on you more than I should.”

Harry stares back at you with a blank expression and you feel like this is going to be the end of your friendship. You have to come clean about your feelings and he’ll tell you that he doesn’t feel the same way. But then he speaks up and the tables turn faster than ever.

“Y/N, I wanted you to sleep with me last night. Not just anyone. You.”

“What?”

“I really thought we have been on the same page, but apparently, we’re not even in the same book,” he sighs, confusing you even more. “Wasn’t it suspicious how things have been between us lately? The way we slept, the mornings, did you think these are normal things to do?”

“I-I thought that… it didn’t mean anything to you.”

“Well it did,” he replies and you breath hitches in your throat. “I was trying to take it slow, see how you’d react to everything and I thought you were feeling the same way. But then last time you didn’t come to my room when there was a storm and I thought that was your way of telling me that you want to pause whatever’s been going on.”

You’re just blinking in shock, listening to his words. This is nothing you expected.

“But then you seemed like you opened back up last night and you agreed to sleep with me, thought we were back on track, but then you were nowhere to be found in the morning, avoided me all day and now you would have rather spent the night crying here alone than to come over to me. What did I do? Just tell me, because quite frankly, I have no idea what we are doing anymore, Y/N,” he sighs, clearly tired of this insane game you’ve been playing without even knowing.

“So… you did all of this, because… you…”

“Because I like you, Y/N. But there’s a possibility it’s already way more than just a strong liking,” he admits with a soft chuckle that melts you in an instant.

“Oh god, I could cry again, but not out of fear this time,” you tell him, making him laugh as you scoot closer to him on the mattress. “I feel the same way, Harry,” you softly tell him, your hands finding the base of his neck while his hands have wandered to your waist so now he is pulling you towards him until he ends up in his lap. His face is now so close, and even in the dark, you can see the cheesy smile on his pink lips.

“You’re not saying this just to keep me here because you’re scared to be alone, right?” he asks, clearly joking, earning a wholehearted laugh from you.

“No, but I guess that would be a major benefit of it.”

“I’ll protect you from all the demons and killers under one condition,” he smirks, his face already inching closer, his nose is already touching yours.

“Yeah? And what’s that?”

“I get to kiss you.”

“Deal.”

You barely say this one little word, his lips are already on yours, kissing you in a way that almost knocks all the air out of your lungs. You press yourself up against him, his arms curling around you, holding you tight as if he is already protecting you from everything that scares you, though you can’t really think about the stupid horror movies now that you’re kissing Harry.

He pulls you down with himself making you lie on your back as he holds himself up above you, his lips parting from your just enough so he can look into your eyes.

“How about I kiss you every time you feel scared?” he prompts, pecking your lips gently as you pull your legs up and his hips settle between your thighs, while your hands dance down his back.

“Alright, I’m in,” you smirk at him and for a moment he just stares back at you, smiling wide, in complete awe that it’s finally happening. Then he cocks his head to the side before speaking up.

“Are you still scared?”

“Very,” you nod. “I’m shaking.”

“Good,” he grins before his lips press onto yours again.

Thank you for reading! Please like/reblog if you enjoyed!

[set-phasers-to-whump]

hanging by a threat

prompt: reluctant caretaker

whumpee: sakari nurmi

fandom: karppi/deadwind

hi!! this is my first sickfic for this fandom, i've been bouncing the idea around in my brain for a while (the first thing i ever wrote for these characters was the start to a never-completed sickfic lmao) and i finally wrote it! i'm pretty happy with how it turned out and i hope you enjoy it!

Sofia has had a long week. Emil had had the flu over the weekend. Henna had gotten into trouble at school on Monday. The fire alarm had gone off in the middle of the night on Tuesday (just a false alarm, the fire department had said, after everyone had stood outside in the rain for close to an hour). On Wednesday Emil had gotten into trouble at school. Thursday had brought a new case that she and Nurmi had spent all day on with nothing to show for it. She faces this morning, Friday, with grim resignation. What else could go wrong?

For starters, her partner arrives late. Not by a horribly large amount, to be sure, but late nonetheless. She’d scold him, but he’s brought her coffee, so she forgives him quickly. 

“Since we hit a dead end yesterday, I thought today we could drive to Maria’s hometown and see if people know anything.”

Maria is their murder victim. She’d been in Helsinki for the week on a business trip and had turned up dead three days before she’d been due to return home. Yesterday, they’d spent the day investigating Maria’s activities and connections in the city and had come up with very little. Today, Sofia is hoping for something more. 

“Okay,” Nurmi agrees. “Will you drive?”

“Sure.” She’s slightly taken aback - he almost always wants to drive - but she doesn’t protest. “We’ll take your car.”

He hands her the keys silently. His hand is sweaty, though it’s below freezing and there’s snow on the ground. She pays it no mind - the heating in the building has been turned up rather high this morning - and they walk outside to his car. 

--

An hour earlier

Sakari wakes up after a full night of sleep feeling like he hadn’t slept very much at all. To combat this, he decides to stop at one of his favorite coffee shops on the drive to work. Inside, the line is abnormally long. He realizes when he’s almost at the counter that he is definitely going to be late for work. He decides to order a coffee for Karppi, too, as an apology.

He places his order and then stands to the side to wait for the drinks to be ready. Rather abruptly, he goes from feeling just slightly run down to feeling just slightly run over. His whole body starts to ache, all the way down through his bones. When he grabs the coffees, they feel like lead weights in his hands. The walk back to the car feels like walking for a hundred miles. 

Once he’s in the car, he sits behind the wheel for several minutes, trying to focus enough to be able to drive. He’s freezing. Granted, it’s freezing outside, but he has the car turned on and he just repaired the heating system, which is on at full blast. But still, he’s shivering. He grips the wheel until his hands don’t shake, then starts his drive, grateful he’d chosen a coffee place not too far from work. 

Once he arrives at work, he parks the car, turns the engine off, and realizes that he’s started sweating. At the same time, though, he’s still cold. He gets out of the car slowly (his head spins anyway) and grabs the coffees, wrapping his hands tightly around them, both to absorb as much warmth as possible and to make sure he doesn’t drop them. 

He walks inside and finds Karppi. She looks irritated, but he doesn’t even have to apologize for being late. He just holds out the coffee and she accepts it. 

“Since we hit a dead end yesterday, I thought today we could drive to Maria’s hometown and see if people know anything.”

“Okay,” he agrees. Just so long as it isn’t him who drives. He doesn’t think it would be at all safe. “Will you drive?”

“Sure. We’ll take your car.”

He hands over his keys and they walk back out to his car. 

--

The drive out of the city is quiet. Nurmi’s radio doesn’t work. Nurmi himself is just as silent, resting his head against the window. He coughs a few times, the only sound he makes. Sofia knows he isn’t doing it to annoy her, but the sound grates on her nerves nonetheless. She pushes her irritation downwards and drives on. 

They arrive in Maria’s hometown just as a light snow begins to fall. The buildings are close together and the paths between them aren’t too crowded, but not deserted either. Everything looks inviting. Sofia wonders whether news of Maria’s death has spread yet. 

Their first stop is Maria’s employer, a small law firm nestled between a restaurant and a hotel. Sofia takes the lead in questioning Maria’s boss and coworkers. Nurmi says nothing the whole time. She appreciates him not interfering, but they are supposed to be partners, and she could have used his help. She’d run out of steam on one line of questioning and had waited an awkwardly long amount of time for him to jump in before having to make up a new question herself. 

Still, she’d learned a little bit about how the firm operates and what Maria’s role within it had been. After she’s done with her questions, they head outside into the snow, which is still falling lightly on the streets. She turns to Nurmi. “Hey, you’re supposed to ask questions too, you know.”

He blinks at her. “I know. Sorry.” He coughs again. 

“And get some water, for god’s sake.”

He looks a little hurt by this. “Please,” she tacks on. God, she’s tired. It’s not his fault she’s annoyed, she tries to remind herself. Still. She is annoyed. 

Their next stop is to see Maria’s parents. Nurmi asks them for a glass of water, which the mother seems only too glad to get. Sofia supposes she’s desperate for something, anything, to do. 

She’s gentle with her questioning, but firm. The parents don’t know much. Maria had gone on a work trip, just as she’d often done in the past. She’d called them on Tuesday to tell them about a restaurant she’d been to that she thought they’d like. She hadn’t had any enemies that they’d known about. She’d been an only child. She'd had a boyfriend, who had been abroad in Spain when she’d died and who is arriving back today to help with the funeral - everyone had thought they were going to get married. 

Nothing helpful, Sofia concludes. Just a grieving family that will never be the same again. She leaves them with her number in case they think of anything more. She doubts they will. 

They have, at least, gotten the names of some of Maria’s closest friends in town. Sofia hopes they’ll have a bit more information on some of the less pleasant details of Maria’s life. 

The first friend lives only a short walk away. The cold air and exercise will do her some good, she figures. Nurmi trails along behind her, despite his longer legs. 

“Hey, come on,” she calls to him, turning around when they’re about halfway to the friend’s house. 

She waits for him to catch up. “Can we stop?” he asks. 

She looks at him. He can’t be serious. “The house is right there,” she says, and points. “Come on.”

They keep walking. It takes twice as long as it should to cover the short distance. 

“What, did you break your leg or something?” she asks Nurmi as they stand on the doorstep. 

He looks away from her and sniffs. She rubs a hand under her own nose. The chill is nice, she thinks, but it hasn’t done much to improve her disposition. 

Maria’s friend invites them in. Her house is small but cozy, and she invites them to sit on a couple of chairs in front of a blazing fire. They talk for perhaps ten minutes - her and Sofia - but it soon becomes clear that Maria hadn’t told her any important details of her life recently. 

“We kind of drifted apart when she started working at the law firm. Long hours, you know. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help.”

“That’s alright. Thanks anyway,” Sofia says. She hands over her card just in case. “Call me if you think of anything else.”

“Thanks, I will.”

They go back outside. “Are you planning on saying anything today?” Sofia asks, once the door has shut behind them. “I might be the lead on this case, but we’re partners. You have to do something.”

“Sorry.”

He looks kind of miserable. She wonders what’s going on with him today. Maybe he’s had a rough week, too. She hasn’t been in much of a position to notice, considering the chaos of her own life lately. Anyway, he can tell her, she figures, if something’s the matter. He can’t expect her to be able to read his mind. 

He doesn’t say anything else. 

“You’ll do the next interview, okay?”

“Okay.”

They drive to the next friend’s house. As soon as they start driving, Nurmi starts coughing. She takes a deep breath and again forces down her irritation. It’s not like he’s doing it on purpose. Anyway, the air in the car is a lot drier than the air outside. She herself feels it tickling the back of her throat. 

Maria’s second friend lives in a short, small block of apartments. Nurmi rings the doorbell. No one answers. He knocks. “Police!”

There’s still no answer. A door behind them opens and an old man pokes his head out. 

“If you’re looking for Mathias, he’s at work.”

“Where?” Sofia asks.

“On a ship. He leaves for weeks at a time.”

“When will he be back?”

“Maybe not for another month. He only left last week.”

“Thanks.”

They leave and head to the home of the third and final friend. She lives near the edge of the town and is a music teacher. She is finishing a lesson when they arrive but promises to speak to them as soon as the lesson is over. In the meantime, she invites them to wait in the living room. 

They sink down onto a couch. Nurmi looks at her but doesn’t make eye contact. 

“Could you ask the questions?” His voice is so quiet she almost doesn’t hear him at first. Then she does. 

“Why?”

“I’m not feeling that great.”

“It’s been a difficult week for me, too. You’ll be fine.”

He nods. She settles back into the cushions, relieved to have a break in speaking for a little while. 

The break is considerably shorter than she’d expected. Nurmi makes it through all of three questions before interrupting himself to ask if he can use the bathroom. Their host points the way, and then Sofia’s left to speak with her. 

The woman proves to be their most valuable source yet: she had heard Maria speaking about a threatening email a few weeks ago, but had been assured everything was fine when she’d tried to bring it up. She had also been in regular, close contact with her, and had felt that Maria’s communication had become a bit more terse lately. 

“Of course, I thought she was just stressed out because of her job, you know, but now - if only I’d asked more questions, maybe -”

“Hey, you couldn’t have known this would happen,” Sofia interrupts. “What’s important is that you help us now, so we can find Maria’s killer.”

They go through several more questions in Nurmi’s absence. By the time he at last returns, Sofia has gotten all the helpful information that the woman remembers. She stands up just as Nurmi moves to sit down. 

“Thanks so much for your time. Please call me if you think of anything else.”

“Of course.”

There is no longer anything to do in town. With the information she’s just gathered, Sofia has an idea of where to go next: back to Helsinki. Apparently, Maria had been having difficulties with an employee at another law firm based in the city - the same law firm which she’d been working with at the time of her murder. 

But her satisfaction at having learned this information is largely overshadowed by her irritation with Nurmi. He could have handled this interview just as well as she had, and instead he’d gone off the second he’d moved past the introductory stage of questions. 

“What’s wrong with you?” she asks, point blank, as they climb back into the car. “Do you just not want to work or something?”

Nurmi shrugs. “Are we done here?”

“Yeah.”

“Can we go home?”

“Sure. And then you’re gonna do some actual work, or else I’m going to make you come over and clean my whole house.” 

“Okay.”

She starts driving back towards Helsinki. Nurmi again leans his head against the window. She wonders what he’s thinking about, but is too irritated with him to ask. 

--

Sakari wouldn’t have thought it was possible to feel worse than he had earlier. But as they’re driving back to Helsinki, he’s so exhausted that he can barely keep his eyes open. His head is pounding and his whole body aches somehow worse than before. He’s still cold and shivering but he can feel sweat starting to soak through his clothes. 

At least for now, the coughing has stopped, which means Karppi can’t get more annoyed at him. It has, however, been replaced by nausea, which he isn’t sure is really any better. The nausea had come over him very suddenly, just as he’d been starting his interview with the last of Maria’s friends. He’d hurried off to the bathroom but hadn’t been sick. Instead, he’d simply sat on the floor for several minutes, forcing himself not to cry though it had been all he’d wanted to do. 

He doesn’t cry often. Doesn’t like to. But he’d felt so miserable and so isolated, and he knows Karppi is having a rough week but he’s having a rough day and he just wants to go home and curl up in his bed and sleep forever but instead he’s here, with his face pressed against the window, breathing slowly and trying to focus on anything besides the nausea sitting on his chest. 

The tactic of ignorance works for a while. And then it doesn’t. 

“Pull over.”

“What? Why?”

“Please.” He doesn’t look at her, though he knows she’s looking at him. His face is burning, the first time he’s felt hot all day. He hates this. He wishes he was alone. He wishes he wasn’t. 

Karppi pulls the car to the side of the road, putting the right tires into the snow and leaving the left ones on the asphalt. 

Sakari sort of steps, sort of falls out of the car. He lands on his hands and knees in several inches of snow. The cold is a shock to his system. He feels himself start to shiver harder, but can’t focus on that for very long before he starts throwing up. 

He doesn’t know how long it lasts. His lungs and throat burn on every ragged inhale of the frigid air. He’s crying now, half from exertion and half from the general miserableness of everything. For a while he can’t really focus on anything at all, and then the vomiting stops and he’s just crouched there shaking and he realizes there’s a hand rubbing up and down on his back. 

“You’re sick,” is the first thing Karppi says, or at any rate, it’s the first thing she says that he hears. She sighs. She sounds resigned. Guilt rises up in him. He knows she doesn’t want to deal with this. Probably not ever, but certainly not now. He shifts to his knees, sniffs, rubs a hand under his eyes. 

“Sorry.” The word grates against his throat. He coughs, which only makes his throat hurt worse. He wishes he had some water. 

“It’s okay. Here, I found it rolling around in the trunk.” Karppi hands him a half-empty bottle of water, like she can read his mind. He takes it gratefully. 

“Don’t drink it too fast,” she warns. 

He drinks some of the water, which definitely tastes like it’s been rolling around in the trunk for quite a while. Nevertheless, it’s wonderful, cold and soothing on his aching throat. He drinks about half of it, and would drink more, but Karppi grabs the bottle from his hand. 

“I said slowly. How do you feel?”

“Bad.”

“Will you be okay for the rest of the drive?”

He nods. The nausea has ebbed away, at least for now. 

“Let’s go, then.”

She gives him a hand up and then puts an arm around his waist as he stands and promptly stumbles. He blinks the dizziness away and gets back into the car. 

--

The rest of the drive back to Helsinki is tense, at least on Sofia’s end of things. She keeps glancing at Nurmi every few seconds. Now that she’s really noticed how bad he looks, she can’t stop noticing. 

He’s shaking and his eyes are dull and there’s an unnatural pallor to his skin. She feels horrible for not having noticed sooner, though she is still irritated with him for not telling her. And, admittedly, she’s also a little irritated at his being sick in general, having already dealt with Emil’s illness earlier in the week. Which, now that she thinks about it, is probably the source of Nurmi’s current illness. The symptoms are much the same. 

It would seem that she has created this problem for herself - she’d brought Emil’s illness into work with her, and while she had been unaffected, Nurmi had not been so lucky. She feels responsible for this, for making him so absolutely miserable. Despite her own exhaustion and irritation, she decides she should probably do something for him. 

She takes him home. He’s fallen asleep against the window by the time they arrive. She shakes him awake. His shoulder is hot underneath her hand. 

“Hey, wake up.”

He opens his eyes. “Hi.”

“Hi. We’re at your place.”

He looks out the window. “Not back at work?”

“No. You’re sick.”

“Am I gonna have to clean your apartment?”

She shakes her head, surprised that he remembers that comment. “Not today, anyway.”

They get out of the car. Sofia puts an arm around his waist again to stop him from falling, and together they make it up the stairs and to his apartment. She unlocks the door and they step inside.

At first, she’s just planning on dropping him in his bed and leaving, but as they walk he sort of grabs onto her and she can feel him shaking and she knows him, knows how much he must hate this. She also gets the feeling, though he’s never really told her for sure, that he’s quite used to being alone. She doesn’t want him to have to be. 

She stays. She still drops him onto his bed - though he does actually sit down instead of just collapsing - and then she goes rummaging through his poorly-stocked cabinets to find medicine and tea and spare blankets. 

She finds exactly none of these things. 

“Do you even live here?” she asks, going back into the bedroom, where Nurmi has managed to get one of his shoes off and is currently working very diligently to remove the other. 

“Yeah.”

“You don’t have any medicine at all.”

He shrugs. “I don’t usually get sick.”

“You don’t have tea.”

“I prefer coffee.”

“Blankets?”

He grabs hold of the one beneath him as evidence. She sighs, though she’s not particularly irritated with him for this. To be honest, the poor state of his cabinets had been pretty much exactly what she’d expected. 

“I’m going to go get some stuff. You stay here and maybe…put on some pajamas, or something.”

He stops untying his shoe and looks at her. “You’re coming back?”

“Don’t act so surprised.”

He looks like he wants to say something more, but whatever he’d been planning on saying is cut off with a series of coughs. When it stops, all he says is, “thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll be back soon.”

“And then?”

She makes up her mind on the spot. “I’ll stay, if you want.”

He looks conflicted and doesn’t answer for a while. Eventually, he simply says, “okay.”

“Okay.”

thanks for reading! the ending is kind of wonky but i really didn't know how to end it lmao. endings are forever my worst enemy. also i tried to clearly show when i was switching pov's but if it didn't work and you got confused pls lmk and i will make it more obvious! anyway i hope you enjoyed this fic!!!

[charlies-gillespie]

reminence | charlie gillespie

paring: fem!reader x charlie gillespie

summary: reader stays the night in a hotel but there are no rooms. her ex, Charlie, overheard her talking and offers reader to spend the night in his room

length: mediumish

rating: PG

warnings: none

!! NOT MY GIF !!

MASTERLIST

You get out of the Uber you took to get here from LAX. You thank the driver and get your suitcase out of the trunk of his car. You drag your suitcase and dufflebag into the hotel that you plan in staying at tonight. It’s about five and the lobby is kind of packed. The parking lot was pretty full. You get in line at the desk behind a couple and their child.

The desk receptionist hands the couple a key and they walk off. You approach the desk with a smile and say, “Hi, my name is Y/N L/N and I booked a room here for one night.” The desk receptionist nods and types on the computer.

She makes a face and says, “I’m sorry, Miss L/N but that was our last room available.”

Confused, you say, “I called three days ago and made a reservation for a room.”

“I am all out of rooms tonight, I apologize,” she says. “If you’d like to stay and wait in case someone checks out then you can. I thought we had more than one room available for tonight.”

With a sigh, you open your mouth to say something until you hear someone go “Y/N?” behind you. You turn your head to see Charlie Gillespie standing behind you. You blink at him. You haven’t seen him since he broke up with you almost two years ago after a three year relationship. His hair has gotten longer and he’s gotten ... cuter.

You say, “Charlie, wow. It’s been a long time.”

Charlie approaches you and asks, “Are you staying here tonight?”

“I was going to but they just gave away the last room when I called three days ago reserving a room,” you say. “Why are you staying here?”

He says, “I flew in from Canada yesterday and have been staying here until my friend gets back from Canada so I can stay at his place. Wait, did you say that they don’t have anymore rooms?” You nod. “You can stay with me tonight. I have a second bed in my room that you can use.”

With a smile forming on your lips, you say, “Thank you, Charlie.” The desk receptionist hands you a key to Charlie’s room and the two of you take the elevator up to the fourth floor.

When you’re on the elevator, you take a second to look at the man next to you. His hair was much shorter than it is now. He’s wearing a blue and white button-up shirt that’s a little big on him and the top three or four buttons are undone, revealing his chest. He wears khaki shorts and converse sneakers.

The elevator dings and you get off with Charlie, who leads you down the hallway to his hotel room. He uses his key to let you both in and he lets you walk in first. You look around the room. The bed he probably slept in last night is a mess and isn’t made. There’s a shirt thrown over a chair at the little circular table. A coffee mug sits on the table between the beds.

“It’s a little messy but I wasn’t expecting company,” Charlie says, closing the door behind you. “Sorry.”

You smile and say, “It’s okay. It’s not like you need to impress me or anything.”

Charlie chuckles a bit and says, “I can run and grab us some food while you unpack. I know you probably had a long flight and probably need real food.”

“Yes, please,” you say. “Are there any McDonald’s around here? Or Taco Bell?”

He grabs his wallet and asks, “Your usual from either?” You nod in response. “I’ll be back in about fifteen minutes then.” Charlie leaves the room and you sit on the neatly made bed.

Sometimes you don’t remember why your relationship with Charlie ended. He’s a sweetheart, even after not seeing you for two years.

Your mind wanders while you unpack some of your clothes, putting them in an unused drawer. You check the minifridge to see what Charlie has. He just has a few cans of soda and a few water bottles. You sigh and sit back down on your bed.

Charlie walks in moments later with a Taco Bell bag and two drinks. He sets everything down on the little table and says, “Three soft shell tacos, Nacho Fries, and a Baja Blast. After all this time, I still know your regular at Taco Bell.”

With a laugh, you get up and say, “It’s not that hard to remember three soft shell tacos, Nacho Fries, and a Baja Blast. But thank you, Charlie.”

He smiles as you take your food, your drink, and a few napkins before sitting with your legs cross on your bed.

“What do the channels look like here? Any good ones?” you ask, opening one of your tacos.

Charlie shrugs and says, “There’s HBO we can watch. I know know what movie is on right now. Let’s check though.” He plops down on his bed with his Crunchwrap Supreme and his own Baja Blast. He grabs the remote and scrolls to HBO. He puts the channel on and you recognize the movie as Five Feet Apart. You look at Charlie and he switches to a static filled channel. “Not that one.”

Five Feet Apart was the movie you and Charlie watched the day before your relationship with him ended. You saw it in the movie theater a few weeks after it came out. You haven’t been able to watch it since.

Quickly, Charlie scrolls through the guide and puts on Friends. “This is a good compromise,” you tell him. “We both love Friends.”

“It’s one of the greatest shows ever,” Charlie says enthusiastically.

You laugh and say, “You made me watch this show so many times when we were together. The theme song always got stuck in my head after we watched it.”

Charlie swallows the bite of his Crunchwrap that he took before he asks, “Do you know how much Grey’s Anatomy you made me watch?” You laugh. “We’re even, Y/N.”

After swallowing a bite of your taco, you say, “You made me watch un ungodly amount of Friends, Charlie. It was everyday. I only made you watch Grey’s on Thursdays when it aired.”

He chuckles and says, “Okay, you got me there. You made me watch a lot of TikToks though, Miss L/N. You spent hours showing me videos.”

“You were laughing so I didn’t stop!” you say, jumping to your defense. “Remember that one time we tried making a TikTok by dancing to Obsessed by Mariah Carrey. It took us hours because you couldn’t learn the moves.”

Your ex laughs and says, “I did learn the moves eventually though. I still remember them.”

You finish your taco and says, “I wanna see this. Show me.”

Charlie smiles and gets off the bed. He stands in front of you and starts to do the Obsessed dance from TikTok. You laugh as you watch how badly he does the dance.

“For a musician, you have no rhythm,” you tease.

He sits back down on his bed with a sigh as he says, “For a small person, you eat a lot. I don’t know where it goes.”

With a laugh, you say, “I have no idea where it all goes either.”

It feels nice to laugh and talk with Charlie. Neither of you have spoken to each other since you broke up in late 2019. Just seeing him again has made you really happy. You didn’t think you’d see him again. He’s still his crazy self that he was years ago.

Both of you finish and you sit back against the headboard of your bed with a pillow behind you. You’re watching and laughing with Friends even though you’ve seen this episode a thousand times.

Charlie sudden asks, “Do you remember why we broke up?”

You look over at Charlie, who’s laying in the same position that you are, and say, “We just grew apart after high school. You moved down here part time after you graduated and I still had a few months left.” Charlie graduated early, you still had six months left. You were 17 when you and Charlie started dating at the beginning of your senior year of high school. He had just turned 17 right before the school year started. You were 20 when the relationship ended and Charlie was just about to turn 21. It wasn’t quite three years when you broke up but it was close.

He says, “I tried to make it work with us, Y/N. You know that right? Between living down here and acting, I did try.”

“I know you did,” you tell him, sitting up and looking at him. “It just got tough for both of us. We ended things on good terms.”

Charlie nods and says, “We did.”

You blink and ask, “What have you been doing since we broke up? Focusing on music, I hope.”

With a little laugh, he says, “I was on Netflix.”

Almost surprised, you say, “I didn’t know you were on Netflix, Charlie! That’s incredible. Was it a show or movie?”

“A show,” he says. “It’s called Julie and the Phantoms. We’re still waiting to be picked up for a second season but we trending in the top ten for a little bit on there after the show dropped in September last year.” Charlie tells you all about his time on set. He tells you about the show too, and you’re happy to hear that he was able to do two of the things he loves to do while being on the show.

You smile and ask, “Can I hear a song from the show? I know you have a guitar somewhere in this room. You never go anywhere without one.”

Charlie laughs and says, “You’re right.” He gets up and opens the closet door, pulling out a guitar he has stashed away in there. You laugh and shake your head. You know him too well sometimes.

He sits at the end of your bed and you cross your legs, looking at him. He pulls the guitar out of it’s case and he grabs a pick. He tunes the guitar before he looks at you.

“The song I’m about to play is song I wrote with my co-star, Madi,” he says. “It’s called Perfect Harmony. I may or may not have been kind of thinking of you when coming up with the lyrics.”

You smile and say, “Awe, I didn’t know you were such a romantic, Charlie.”

A laugh leaves Charlie’s lips as he begins to play the chords.

Step into my world Bittersweet love story about a girl Shook me to the core Voice like an angel, I've never heard before

As he plays, you sway to the music. You smile, having always enjoyed hearing his voice and watching him play guitar. He’d spend hours practicing or writing songs and you’d sit outside whatever room he was in or sit beside him while he sang and played.

Charlie looks at you occasionally as he plays, almost like he’s singing to you.

You set me free You and me together is more than chemistry Love me as I am I'll hold your music here inside my hands

You watch him intently, the smile never leaving your face as he plays. Hearing his voice again makes you so happy.

I feel your rhythm in my heart, yeah-yeah You are my brightest, burning star, woah-woah I never knew a love so real (So real) We're heaven on earth, melody and words

As he finishes up the song, you stop swaying and you look at him. Charlie finishes and he looks at you. He laughs a bit and says, “And that’s Perfect Harmony.”

“It’s beautiful,” you tell him. “And I’m not just saying that because you kind of wrote the song while thinking about me. I think it’s really good, Charlie. You’re so talented.”

Charlie’s face gets a little flustered and he says, “I’m just decent at guitar and decent at singing.”

You say, “You wouldn’t have landed a huge Netflix role if you weren’t crazy talented, Charlie. You know that right?”

He packs up his guitar and says, “You don’t have to lie to me like we’re still dating, Y/N.” Charlie gets up and puts his guitar back in the closet he took it about from. You get up and walk over to him.

When he turns around, he jumps a bit, startled that you were right there. You stare up at him and say, “I’m telling you right now that you are insanely talented. I’m face to face with you now so you can’t tell me that I’m lying.”

After a moment of staring up into Charlie’s eyes, he takes a step toward you. Your heart begins to race in your chest and you take a deep breath. You feel his fingers touch your hand and butterflies erupt in your belly. His callused fingers intertwine with yours and you gasp.

“Can I kiss you?” Charlie suddenly asks.

You nod slowly, tilting your head up. It’s been so long since Charlie’s kissed you, and you always loved his kisses. Whenever you were upset, he’d kiss your forehead or your cheek or your neck and you’d feel better almost immediately.

Charlie’s free hand comes up to your face, cupping your cheek. He leans down and ghosts his lips over yours hesitantly. You lean your head up as Charlie becomes more sure and crashes his lips to yours. You gasp softly before kissing him back. The kiss is slow and soft as you both take in the moment.

In the two years apart, you’ve never lost feelings for Charlie. You tried to date but it never worked out because you never were able to get over the only man you ever really loved. Being able to hold his hand and kiss him again feels heavenly.

Both of you stand like this for a few moments before you pull back, looking up at Charlie. He looks down at you and asks, “How long will you be in Los Angeles?”

You say, “I’m moving into my new apartment tomorrow. I just flew in a day early.”

He smiles and asks, “So you’re here permanently?”

“I’m here permanently,” you say, smiling. “So if you’re willing to try the relationship thing again then-”

Charlie cuts you off with another kiss, this one rougher than the last. You laugh as Charlie pulls back, saying, “Are you kidding? I’d love to try the relationship thing again. The only reason I’m staying with my friend is because I’m looking for a new apartment too.”

With a huge smile on both your faces, you wrap your arms around Charlie’s neck. You hug him tight and say, “Looks like we ended up finding our way back to each other.”

“Thank God,” Charlie says against your ear. You laugh.

You spend the night wrapped around Charlie in some way until you begin to fall asleep.

As you doze off to sleep, you hear Charlie begin to sing softly.

The truth is finally breaking through Two worlds collide when I'm with you Our voices rise and soar so high We come to life when we're In perfect harmony

A smile forms on your face as you snuggle against Charlie’s side, falling asleep in his arms.

[wanderingmind867]

All my Stressors regarding School:

After my visit to see my High School again today (which was stressful, but at least it gave me a hint as to what i'm doing), I'm now beginning to think more about returning to School on Thursday. But while I think about all of that, I think it'd be nice to make a giant note venting about all my stressors, so that I can try and get this all off my chest. So without further delay, here's some of the many things stressing me out about returning to school soon:

• The School looked different: Or at least I thought it looked different. The areas of the school me and my dad went to looked nothing like what I remembered, and that lead me to have a virtual meltdown outside the school. I know it was something like a meltdown because I yelled and hit my dad again. So that was very stressful. I'm trying to calm down from all of this now, but it's a very slow process (it's been at least an hour, and my mind still hasn't stopped reeling). I don't know if the school building actually was different, anyways. But I thought it looked different, and that did enough damage to my mental state.

• I've had Stomach Issues all summer: These confuse me and make me scared to go back to school. Since June, I've had bad stomach issues. Lately they've manifested as constipation, which leads to stomach pain whenever I inevitably have a blow out and clear my bowels. And with all of these stomach issues affecting me, I'm scared to go back to school. If my stomach acts up while I'm there, I don't know what I'll do. That's the really stressful thing. And that's one of the biggest reasons i've been getting in my own head about returning to school.

• I'm worried I won't have as much time to do stuff now: For example, take my tumblr account. I post on there fairly regularly, and I engage with it a lot. With me being stuck in school for full days now (discussed more down below), I worry I won't have as much time to post or do stuff online. And for some reason, that makes me feel bad. But it's impossible to tell anyone about this issue, because I never even told my dad I post on my tumblr account. So i'm suffering in silence on this one. And just to note, it's not just tumblr that i'm worried about here. I'm also worried I won't get to do more stuff, generally. But I'm choosing to focus on tumblr, because it feels like the biggest aspect of this fear.

• My phone's notes app doesn't work without internet anymore: This one. Oh, boy. This one has been messing me up since June, and it ended up giving me a second meltdown a little over 20-30 minutes ago (as of me writing this). My phone is old (I got it in 2019), and I've had the same notes app on it since that time. It's called notepad free, and I downloaded it from the google play store. It used to work perfectly at school. From 2019 to last may or june, it worked perfectly.

But then last may or june, it suddenly stopped working without internet. When I tried to use it at school (or literally anywhere that wasn't my home), the stupid thing would crash and stop working for me. So that's been making me nervous to go back to school. My dad downloaded the same app on a new phone he bought me, but it looks different there than it does on my old one (the one I wrote this on). And noticing that difference gave me my second meltdown of the day. Now I'm writing all of this from my bed, as I try to listen to music and destress while writing this.

• I have to be at School all day: This one also really stresses me out. And this one also needs more context to be provided for it to make sense. So let me explain: last year, I only went to school for half days. I got picked up by a van halfway through the day. I got used to that, and it provided a nice routine. With my stomach being so bad, I was really looking forward to having this as an option again.

But then the principal of the school talked to my dad. He said the school had budget cuts. And since I'm not in the ASD program anymore (since I technically already graduated), I've been cut off from having this service provided to me. So now I have to go to school for full days (from like 8 am to 2 pm), and I have to just get used to that. Even though I have my f***ing stomach issues. It's unfair. And this really, really stresses me out. I hate it.

• School wouldn't let us visit a week early, like we usually do: Yeah, this one made things way too stressful on me. If I'd gotten to see the school last week, maybe some of these issues could have been dealt with by now. But that option wasn't provided to me. Nope, instead I got stuck only getting to visit today (one day before school begins!). I understand the school was undergoing some construction, but not getting to visit the school until now made me feel really stressed. Finally, I want to stress how much I'm scared to have stomach issues at school: I don't want to have to go bathroom at school. That would be stressful, and it would probably make me uncomfortable enough to dash any and all hopes of going this semester. And I'm not talking about accidentally having some pee drip out into my underwear (if you'll forgive that mental image). That would be uncomfortable, but tolerable. It's needing to go bathroom in a more serious capacity that really scares me.

With all of these issues, sometimes you almost have to wonder if going to school would be worth it. Especially since the initial stress of going back might intensify my stomach pain. But I'm probably going to go back, anyways. The plan is to at least go Thursday, and see how things go. If it ends up going badly, then we go from there.

[mrskurono]

Hi Three ♡ Wah! I hope your pms rage and mom rage aren’t too bad. My hump day was good, thanks for asking. I hope your Thursday is going well!

I saw your reply to my second ask and I agree that Izuku would be so affectionate. I’m mainly affectionate with my friends and family but when it comes to dating, I tend to be more reserved in public aha

Jobs are soul sucking! Sometimes I feel weird that I’m not working because it’s been a lil over a month since I left that hell hole but I know my mind and body are still in recovery mode. Oof, I totally know what you mean. I hate drama especially in the workplace! Sometimes all we can do is take care of ourself so we can be happy!

Bokuto does have that himbo charm that’s for sure! I love him so much 😭 He would end up taking pics of me and the kids everyday just so he can “update” his pictures. Watch that man show his photos even to the opposing team 😂

It’s okay! I never really had a set ship for him but Oikawa was one of the first ones I liked (Sorry Iwa) Aha ha, sometimes there’s that one character who you can’t stop liking!

I see Obi sexually but I also respect him a lot because of the way he treats his company is so wholesome! Three, it’s so funny you said that about Vulcan because when I saw him SHIRTLESS and in a mask, I enjoyed looking at his body way too much 😂 I feel like if I had to work with Vulcan, I couldn’t handle it. I’m also attracted to people with tattoos so just knowing he has a nice body and tattoos and is super smart is too much 😩 It’s funny because I also never cared for the bara body type until 2020. I swear it’s like the last 2 years my tastes changed so drastically aha. But yes the writing is great!

I totally agree that Obi’s daddy energy is so pure! I think when I started reading stuff for Fire Force some people just made him seem like a super sexy daddy but he just oozes pure wholesome daddy vibes! I can totally imagine you chilling in a hot tub as I scream in the background because I can’t handle seeing him shirtless lmao

Now I can’t wait to meet Kurono! I gotta see why you like him so much hehe! Ooh that’s so interesting that you said Waka reminds you of Rae! But tell me how when I first knew nothing about Fire Force I thought that Waka was over 6’0 and when I learned that he wasn’t, it made him cuter to me xD

Oh gosh, I basically wrote a love letter on these 2D men! Please don’t feel like you have to reply to all of these especially my thirsting over Vulcan (I can’t let go of Obi) aha ha. I hope that you have a great day and take care Three ♡

-😊 anon

It's not but here we are 🙃 Haven't committed murder though so that's the only positive to the day 😬

Drama was prevelant in the salon and as much as I miss playing with hair, I don't miss the freaking shit that came with it. Sometimes I feel guilty for not working but then the double edge sword is I feel guilty for leaving my son. So there's no winning 😂 I'm glad you're recentering yourself though and feeling better ♥

If Bokuto didn't have those eyebrows...god I love Bokuto but the eyebrows...but also Bokuto only have social media apps so you can send him pictures/videos of you and the kids is 100% him and adds a little bit of charm to the goofy owl hehe

You traded Oikawa for his bff! le gasp!! jkjk, though to be fair I feel like it's illegal to not like Iwa so Oikawa would understand. I feel that way about Hinata. He was the only reason I actually watched the series and read it. Never a selfship and it would never work. But I have a soft spot for one (1) ginger.

ASDFGHJKL I KNEW YOU'D ENJOY VULCAN (yours and Rae's tastes are very similar I chuckle about it regularly) I love Vulcan in the most, non sexual way possible. I don't get the "kin" thing but if I've ever had an anime doppelgänger it is 300% Vulcan. We even share the same birthday and almost act identical. It's actually a little creepy and I need to talk to Okubo about it 😅

But Obi is a treasure I won't deny. We should all aspire to be more like Obi. And if you ever decide to touch the manga, manga Obi is somehow even more pure and terrific. A muscle made man with nothing but heart. He has my seal of approval for your selfship! But asdfghkl my type is noodle ass looking freaks asdfghjkl

God no. Don't meet Kurono. Don't look at him it'll just bring on more questions of "Why?" like why would I pick that one with an entire cast of perfect husbands and wives 😅 Just know that Kurono is an...acquired taste. And he's enjoyable if you pick at his character and look closer at it. Plus manga Kurono has huge growth vs anime Kurono. Just...don't look at him too much, it only raises more questions 😂

I'm soooo glad I watched Fire Force before reading anything bc fanon Waka would have PISSED me off to no end. But actual Waka? Short little Waka who can't say no to demon twins? Absolutely perfect. Utter perfection. I adore Waka. He's not my self ship thingy really anymore but I still love that man. But then again he reminds me of Rae too so that doesn't help 😂 Even the way they draw him in the manga vs the anime is too funny. Anime Waka is a bara beefy ass. And manga Waka is a petite slender man. My preference is a little but more manga Waka but purely bc I don't need guys having tits bigger than my own 😂

Make sure to stretch and take a drink of water <3 The week is almost over <3

[lonelyfujoshi]

Errink

Ink left again. He left Error all alone again and Error wasn't happy.

Error was in the living room watching his favorite series. Crying his nonexistent eyes out.

"Asgorooo!" He yelled, reaching for the TV screen when the scene of Asgoro having a heart attack played.

The pillow he clutched in his arms was wet with tears. Looking at him was laughable. Seeing the former destroyer cry easily like this.

In all honesty, the film wasn't the only thing he was crying about. He just decided to watch Undernovela to express his emotions while Ink was away.

Ahh, yes. Ink, the God of Creation.

He and Error had been dating for six years now. Almost seven. Two weeks from now will be their anniversary and Error couldn't help but be nervous of that.

Why?

He's been thinking that Ink is loosing interest in him. Error is scared.

He loved Ink with all of his life. He gave up destroying for the God of creation. He left the anti-void to live in their house for him. He tried doing good things out of his character for him.

He just loved Ink dearly.

And it all started ten years ago during Giftmas.

It was a special holiday for all monsters in the multiverse and the light and dark side has an untold treaty that no fight or attacks during this holiday.

No one established the rule, no one wrote it, no one spoke about it. It was just there. Monsters understanding the importance of the holiday.

Error sat on the cliff of Outertale where the stars shone to its brightest. His glasses on with his new galaxy scarf.

He sat there, enjoying the silence even when you can still hear the distant jingle in the town.

And Ink appeared.

Error scowled when the creator made his way to where he sat. He glared at Ink.

The creator however ignored the mean glare telling him to fuck off and sat down beside Error with a large grin. To close for the black skeleton's liking.

"What in the hell you doing here skittles?" Error grumbled harshly.

"Nothing much glitchy~. Just wanted to see the stars in this lovely night."

"Then go sit somewhere else. Don't ruin my night."

The smaller skeleton summoned his strings and began to play with it. Waiting for Ink's retort but it never came.

He looked up to see Ink staring at him with a thoughtful expression.

"... Nah." He finally said and Error wanted to hit the Ink blob with the brush he always had.

"But you know Error, tonight's Giftmas. I've given every monster I've encountered a gift to be traditional." Ink continued, looking up the sky.

Error glared at the string that somehow became tangled in his fingers and mumbled stuff like; "Who the hell asked?", "I don't give a fuck.", "Go do more of that and leave me alone."

Ink ignored his rude comments and summoned a window to his subspace. "So I thought... maybe I should give you a gift too."

"Hah! Did you really think that I'd want a gift from you?"

Again he was ignored as Ink continued to look for something in his subspace.

Error's socket twitched with annoyance. Watching Ink's body halfway through the window portal already, digging deeper into his pile of garbage as Error liked to call it.

The dark skeleton was about to push the lighter skeleton into wherever the window led because of his annoyance but Ink pulled back with a victorious laugh.

"Found it!"

Before Error could react, Ink placed the thing he got in front of the destroyer with a great big smile in his handsome face.

Error stared at it... Ink waiting for his reaction patiently.

In front of them was a pair of slippers. Red fluffy slippers that hugged your feet like socks and it had strings on the hole to tighten the hold if needed.

"Really?" Was all that Error could say. He didn't know what to feel about it. Ink, his supposedly mortal enemy, had just given him a 'gift' for some reason.

A pair of slippers no less. Error could tell that these were top quality and made for comfort. And how he loves comfortable things. The little sparkle in his eyes didn't go unnoticed by Ink.

"Well go on! Try it!" Ink encouraged.

Error grumbled but complied nonetheless. He threw his strings away carelessly and grabbed the red slippers, put it on and stilled.

"Ehh? What do you think?"

The darker ignored Ink's teasing tone and wiggled his toes.

"It's okay I guess." He said.

And that was a fucking lie.

'Oh my GOD! THEY ARE SO COMFORTABLE! I'M IN LOVE!' He screamed in his mind.

Unknown to him, the creator could see his softened look and the brightening of his eyes. The destroyer even unconsciously smiled.

Error looked up to see Ink staring at him with another one of those unreadable look.

"What?" He narrowed his eyes at him.

"Don't tell me you expect something in return cuz I ain't giving you anything. And you can't take these back!" He hissed.

Blinking, as if snapping out of trance, Ink made a confused noise before laughing.

"What the fuck? What is it rainbow asshole?!"

"Hahahaha haha.. hahhh... I-It's nothing Error. I just realized something."

"Tell me what is it."

"I like your smile."

Even with his fucked up memory, Error remembered this.

He remembered that the next day after that night, he anonymously sent Ink a puppet version of the creator. Ink soon found out it was from him.

Since then the lighter skeleton never initiated a fight. He acted all buddy buddy with Error which pissed off the darker to no end. It frustrated him greater than his frustration with the 90's parasite.

Ink messed with his emotions. The creator popped up in his mind in random times that he thought he was finally becoming insane. He thought he was.

Three giftmas holidays passed and Ink surprised Error with a confession. The glitch outright crashed the moment the words that Ink said, I like you, was processed by his 'brain'.

Error fled the moment he came to, in Ink's arms. He thought he was gonna die because of how loud his soul pounded. It actually hurt his ribs.

For a month he couldn't stop thinking of Ink and he didn't even realize ha had fallen for the creator. He also locked himself in the anti-void. Time passed and he decided to go out and destroy. Maybe to let some steam out.

Ink was there. Wherever he go, Ink was always there, wooing him.

Every sanses and their counterpart in every universe knew about Ink chasing Error, courting the destroyer, asking for his love.

Ink was very sweet in those times. Always giving Error presents even when the glitch thought it was weird because it's not even Giftmas.

The next giftmas came and Ink knelt in front of Error. They were surrounded by the bright stars of Outertale.

"Will you be my boyfriend?" Ink said and Error was looking sick at how blue his face was.

His soul pounding. Emotions overflowing even though he was extremely confused with himself. He didn't know what he is feeling or what he was supposed to feel but everything felt right.

Even his inner voice telling him to say yes. 'It's not like people are lining up to hang with me anyway.' Was there as an excuse.

"Fine."

He never regretted agreeing.

Now though, Error was really worried.

It's because of the event that happened two weeks ago.

Since Error lived in the same house as Ink, the taller had always made time for him. His schedule was simple enough.

Leave for work in the council every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Leave the house by nine am and come back at around seven pm. Sunday is their special day as they usually go on dates.

Error usually stays in the house or visit Blue while Ink is away. Other times he goes AU hopping and going to Nightmare's castle.

Until this peaceful cycle was disturbed.

"Where are you going?" Error asked softly. He just woke up from his nap on the couch and he was rubbing on his sockets to help him wake quicker.

Ink was putting on his scarf and fixing his shoes by the mirror making Error confused.

"I'm just going on a meeting babe." Ink simply said with a smile.

"But... it's Thursday."

"Yeah, I just got called. Said it was an emergency."

After seeing the worried look on Error's face, Ink went up to the smalled and kissed his lover's face.

"Don't worry, it's nothing I can't handle. I'll be back before four so have lunch without me."

Error nods. "But wait." He holds Ink's arm.

"Let me prepare your lunch."

"No need babe. And I'm in a hurry so I gotta go." Ink said with a wave before he jumped into a portal.

By Saturday, Ink left again saying that he had to meet up with Reaper.

Error thought nothing of it because Reaper, being a God, sometimes meet up with other gods to see how the multivers is going.

And he thought, 'Oh, it's been a long time since I've been able to visit Geno. Maybe I should now that he's finally alone.'

Error planned to stay there for at least three hours so he got some chocolates, ketchup for Geno, blankets and puppets.

He puts them in a handmade bag before jumping into a portal.

"Hey, Geno! Thought it might be a good time to visit since Reaper-... Reaper?"

"Hey Error. What's up?" Geno greets him.

"Uh... the ceiling?" Error was still very confused that he couldn't come up with a proper reply.

"That would've been good pal, it's just that this place doesn't really have a ceiling." The cloaked skeleton beside Geno chuckled.

"Why are you here?" The dark skeleton asked.

"Job's slow today so I decided to visit my bea. What are you doing here?"

"Visiting Geno too."

"Great, the more the merrier." Reaper said unenthusiastically. Clearly he wants some alone time with his 'boyfriend'. Well soon to be anyway.

"Uh heh, nice to see you again then, Error." Geno said awkwardly while Error stood there still.

"Aren't you supposed to be in a meeting with Ink?" The former destroyer finally asked.

"A meeting? Wha- Shit! We have a meeting?!" Reaper abruptly stood up, startling Geno.

"You forgot." His 'boyfriend' deadpanned.

"I didn't forget, I just didn't know." Reaper frowned.

"Uh maybe you should hurry, he left.. like an hour ago." Error said.

"Crap. I guess I'll see you later babe. Have fun with Error." Reaper left with a wave.

"Wow." Error and Geno said at the same time. They looked at eachother and laughed.

Half an hour later, there was a blanket fortress in the save screen. Two skeletons inside it, eating condiments and chocolates.

The 'screen' was blocked by Error's massive one way window portal and the watched Undernovela.

A portal opened and Error quickly lift the blanket up a little to see who it is.

It was Reaper.

"Oh hey Death, you finished your meeting with the creator?" Geno asked. He helped Error lift up the blanket.

"... Uh. No. I couldn't find Ink."

"WhAt?"

To be continued

[someobscurereference]

I just started to start studying for my GMAT for business school and I have SO MANY creative hobbies (not necessarily writing, but more so on the art/drawing/crafting side). In undergrad I did the dumb (but fruitful!) thing to give up all my hobbies (gaming too!) for good grades. I don't want that. Now that I've graduated, I have full time work and now this new self studying. I don't want to throw away more hobbies again. How do you balance work/life/hobby/school?

This is a difficult question, but I’ll try my best to help! (Though it should be noted that I’ve also been doing wayyy less writing than I would like to be doing lately because of the new additions of an internship, independent study project, and a part time job on top of my regular school schedule and thus just don’t have the time or energy to write most of the time lately. I should also be studying for the GRE and I haven’t started yet. So nobody is perfect, and I also should be taken with a grain of salt.)

However! You really don’t need to throw out 100% of your hobbies and things you enjoy to do well in school. I played video games, crocheted, and wrote fic during my previous semesters of university while still maintaining pretty good grades overall. It’s more about balance than throwing hobbies away outright. Actually, I really would recommend you don’t do that. Keep things that make you happy. Your overall mood and head space will be a lot better if you do. There were definitely days I could have gotten farther ahead in my work if I had studied but chose to make a doll or write a fic instead. But there were also times where I didn’t do either of those things for a week or more at a time because it was Crunch Time and I just couldn’t afford that. But I always came back to those things, and my grades were just fine in the end.

A full-time job is eating up most of your time already, I assume. And then you maybe come home and study for the GMAT after work every night.  Plus cooking, cleaning, errands, friend/family invites, etc. Which probably doesn’t leave you with a ton of hobby/personal time at the end of the day, usually. Or so I’m presuming after watching my friend study for the MCAT for the past few months. But at the end of the day, balance is really important. It doesn’t have to be 100% studying or 100% hobbies. You’re going to have to actively carve times for both out for yourself, but it’s worth it.

Work is maybe unavoidable since those hours are probably pretty set. Plus you need to pay bills. But unless your test is literally next month, it’s probably a good idea to carve out a little more personal time than you are already. Because “me” time is super necessary! There needs to be time in your week where you sit and unwind a little. And if you unwind through creative hobbies and this isn’t a separate time you have to book for yourself, all the better! (I’m the type of person whose unwind time and whose creative time are two different things. Everyone works differently. If this is you also, that’s alright.)

So if you’re studying 7 days out of the week already, I would suggest making making that 5 or 6 days instead. Or however your schedule is setup. If you feel you can’t drop a day entirely, maybe halving your time on a certain day may help. (For example, studying for an extra hour on Saturday so you have extra time Sunday or Monday evening for you.) Taking a handful of hours (or even a day, if that’s your break day or something) can feel detrimental to your GMAT score. But you’re theoretically studying a few months in advance already. And you’re also going to get super burnt out if you do nothing but work and study all the time. I’ve been watching my MCAT friend go through the same thing. It’s miserable. Even if there’s an hour here or there you could theoretically spend studying rather than in front of the TV or with some paint or whatever you do for fun, your study habits are going to be way less effective and you’re going to retain way less if you feel like garbage because you never do anything you enjoy either.

Even if you’re not the schedule type, I would recommend making a schedule. Break your life down by day. What time is for work? What time is for studying? What errands do you need done this week? (That last one can be a sticky note next the schedule or something. You don’t have to say “laundry = 1 hour” or anything. This is just a reminder.)

Block these times off. Now you have your study time. Example: “Monday, 7AM to 5PM. Work.  7PM to 10PM. Study time.” Remember to give yourself time to catch dinner after work and whatnot in there. Set this schedule out according to your work and study needs. Look at where you could theoretically have Hobby Time. 

Maybe your schedule doesn’t have to be that specific. My personal schedule is just a series of sticky notes that looks like:

Monday

Conversation HW

Lesson Plans (add Japanese and Print)

Teach English

Tuesday

Print Presentation Handouts

Finish Presentation

Reading HW

Etc.

These aren’t necessarily all things I do on Monday or Tuesday. These are things due by Monday and Tuesday. (Except for work, which is the day of). This is my reminder that I need to have these things done before Monday morning or else I’ve missed my deadline. And I have subsequent lists underneath that for Wednesday, Thursday, etc. Your schedule maybe has more specific times. Maybe it has weekly deadlines instead of daily. Your schedule doesn’t have to look like this. It should fit you and your needs. 

Life is busy and hectic. It’s easy to get swept up in it and say you have no time for your hobbies, especially if you have more than one. The most difficult part is carving time out for yourself. But it’s also the most rewarding and beneficial. 

And if there are days or times where you could theoretically be studying or doing a hobby but you’re just too tired, it’s okay to take a break. Your energy is finite. Don’t overextend yourself either. Just don’t let yourself get caught up in the easy cycle of putting off doing a hobby for the tenth time in a row either. I have trouble getting started writing after it’s been a while, but I also know it’s way easier once I force myself to just start.

One last note: If you really have “SO MANY” hobbies (not just 1 or 2), keep in mind that you may not be able to do them all as frequently as you’d like at the moment. Maybe pick one or two to focus on every week or two. Or cycle through them on a regular basis. Whatever works best for you. (For example, I haven’t crocheted anything in forever. But that’s the most time consuming hobby I have, and I like writing way more. So when my limited hobby time is available, I tend to pick writing more often. When I return to the US, I’ll probably pick up crochet again). If you’re trying to go through 5 different hobbies in the same week, that’s going to be really difficult. Pick one hobby and do a different hobby next week.

The GMAT isn’t forever! You won’t be studying for the rest of your life, thank goodness. I mean, when you get into graduate school, you’ll still be studying, yeah. But not for the GMAT. So hopefully that’ll be easier and you’ll get just a bit more breathing room then. Until then, be strong!

Good luck on your test! I know I talked a lot, but I hope this helps!

tl;dr I’d really recommend setting a weekly schedule for yourself and sticking by it because otherwise it’s way too easy to just let time slip by. You have to actively carve time out for your hobbies.

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior 10/8/21 - NO TIME TO DIE, THE RESCUE, MASS, LAMB, NIGHTSTREAM, and More

It's a very special week here at the Weekend Warrior because October 10 will be my 20th (!!) anniversary as a film critic and the 20th anniversary of me doing a weekly movie preview column, mostly about box office but also with reviews and other stuff. Pretty cool, huh? (I’m celebrating this occasion by writing this column to the music of Public Enemy’s Apocalypse 91 which is 30 years old this month.)

Of course, this column wasn't called The Weekend Warrior in the early days, as I was instead doing "Half-Assed Analysis” at a long-gone Hollywood Stock Exchange fan site called HSJ.org. But then, it was a conversation with Mirko P. from ComingSoon.net (R.I.P.) that got me on the track of changing the name to "The Weekend Warrior" even though it would be a year before I would actually bring it to ComingSoon for 12 ½ wonderful years. The column has gone through a number of transformations and evolutions and iterations over the years, sometimes it being called something different just 'cause I didn't want to go through the ordeal of explaining to one of my bosses at a website that "The Weekend Warrior” is my own, and if I leave, it goes with me.

Anyway, I have taken a few weeks off over the years, particularly earlier this year when it just didn't seem a good time to be trying to predict box office, and I was starting to get burnt out on reviews. Now, the column is kind of back to being mostly about box office but with a few reviews, which is how I've always intended it.

Who knows if I'm going to continue this on that much longer, because honestly, there's no money and very little reward, and it does take a lot of time to write this up each week, especially with all the work I have to do for Below the Line. Anyway, for now, I'm going to keep it going, and we'll see how it goes. But Happy 20th Anniversary to me, and I can promise you… there won't be 20 more. NO FUCKING WAY.

Before we get to this week’s theatrical releases, I feel the need to mention the first of a bunch of October horror film festivals, as NIGHTSTREAM will begin on Thursday and run through Oct. 13. This is an amazing streaming horror/genre film festival that was instituted last year by four festivals, the Boston Underground Film Festival, the Brooklyn Horror Film Festival, the North Bend Film Festival, and the Overlook Film Festival when all four were cancelled due to COVID. Some of these are still happening this year as physical in-person festivals but Nighstream continues on. Some of the guests at this year’s Nightstream are The Green Knight director David Lowery; Akela Cooper, who wrote the recent James Wan horror film, Malignant; horror and special make-up FX legend Greg Nicotero, who is also the showrunner on the Creepshow anthology series, and more.

There are so many movies and events going on in the week of Nightstream but some of the highlights include the World Premiere of Jefferson Moneo’s Cosmic Dawn, Scott Friend’s feature debut, To the Moon, and the Virtual Premiere of Scott Barber’s doc, This is Gwar, as well as much more.

You can see the full list of movies here and learn how to get a pass at the official site.

Let’s get to some other movies hitting theaters...

Obviously, the big release of the weekend and maybe the month is the 25th James Bond movie, NO TIME TO DIE (MGM), once again starring Daniel Craig in his final outing as 007, his fifth movie in a run that started with Casino Royale in 2006 and 15 years later, it’s coming to an end.

Obviously, this being Craig’s last stint as Bond is a big draw for the movie, but there are other interesting things to note First, it’s directed by True Detective’s Emmy-winning director Cary Joji Fukunaga, who is making his biggest budget movie to date, having started with smaller films like Sin Nombre and Jane Eyre, and then getting more attention for his festival favorite, Beast of No Nations, starring Idris Elba, who for a while, people seemed to want to play the NEXT Bond.

Much of Bond’s colleagues and friends from past movies are back including Naomi Harris as Moneypenny, Ralph Fiennes as M, Ben Whishaw as Q, but it also brings back Jeffrey Wright, who was introduced as Felix Leitner in Craig’s first film, Casino Royale, and also a few people from the last Bond movie, Spectre, which wasn’t received as well as the previous one, Skyfall. (More on those things in a bit.) Christoph Waltz played Blofeld in Spectre (for better or worse), and he’s back, as is Léa Seydoux, who played Bond's love interest, and actually she continues said role but brings more to the plot.

The new cast is pretty significant, starting with Oscar winner Rami Malek (Bohemian Rhapsody) as the new arch-villain, Safin, and actually, there’s also a new 007 in Lashana Lynch, who replaced Bond after he retired from MI6. There’s another “Bond Girl” (if you don’t mind the outdated trope) in Ana de Armas, who previously starred with Craig in Rian Johnson’s Knives Out, which feels like it was made 500 years ago but actually has a sequel shooting as we speak. In fact, Armas seems to be getting the best notices from everyone who writes about the movie, even though her section probably isn’t more than 15 minutes long.

I’m not going to say more about the plot. You either don’t need to know it in advance cause you’re seeing it anyway or you don’t WANT to know anything, and good for MGM for being able to keep the plot and lots of stuff secret despite the movie being delayed for 18 months due to COVID.

That’s right. No Time to Die was probably one of the first movies delayed due to COVID, and it definitely wasn’t the last, but MGM (and EON Productions) really stuck to their guns, and didn’t allow a streamer to come forward with millions and millions of dollars to put James Bond on streaming. (Granted, Amazon did come forward and ended up buying MGM outright earlier this year, and we’ve yet to see how and when that will come to fruition. As far as I know, Amazon has nothing to do with MGM’s 2021 releases, of which there are a few still to come.)

Actually, the fact that MGM is releasing this one on its own is an interesting point in itself, because it’s been almost 20 years since the studio has done that with Pierce Brosnan’s last Bond film, Die Another Day. In the time since then, MGM has been co-distributing its films with other studios until fairly recently -- the last four Bond movies were released by Sony Pictures. I’m not gonna throw shade at MGM, because they’ve been doing a fantastic job with No Time To Die, essentially marketing the movie once back in early 2020 and then again for its final release spot this Friday. In between, the movie has moved a number of times as COVID just kept ambushing its planned release date. Any weaker studio (like, say Sony) would have just sold the movie off (as Sony has done many times over the past 18 months until finally having a theatrical hit with Venom). Interesting how that works out, huh? MGM took over Bond, and now it’s releasing the new Bond a week after Sony’s biggest 2021 hit, essentially killing its chances at having a decent second weekend.

Others are seeing how well Venom did and are assuming that the box office is back, and that Bond can do even BIGGER numbers, but you need to take a few things into account, including something called REALITY. And it comes from the wonderful box office archive site, The-Numbers.com, which I have been using for those 20 years mentioned above.

Up until Daniel Craig took over the role, the biggest opening for a Bond movie (not accounting for inflation) was Brosnan’s Die Another Day with $47 million. Casino Royale opened with just $40 million in 2006, but it proved to have significant holiday legs as more people discovered it and decided that the new direction of tougher and grittier and more violent action was for them. It made $167 million domestically and $594 million globally. A few years later, Quantum of Solace had a much bigger opening of $67.5 million but made almost the exact same amount domestically -- the reason? People didn’t like it as much as Casino Royale, so it was more frontloaded.

Oscar-winning filmmaker Sam Mendes took over the 50th anniversary Bond movie, Skyfall, four years later, and that was generally as well received as Casino Royale, so that it set a new opening record for the franchise with $88.3 million and OVER A BILLION worldwide. Woo! Three years later, Spectre was going to introduce two classic Bond villains, Blofeld and Jaws (played by David Bautista) but it once again wasn't received that well, and it opened lower with $70 million and “only” made $200 million domestically vs. the $300 million of Skyfall. It still made over $879 million globally, but a final movie for Craig was always going to happen.

Now I’m going to talk about why I don’t think No Time to Die is going to break the opening record set by Skyfall, and believe it or not, it's not because of COVID. This is the thing. Bond clearly peaked with Skyfall and then it dropped down with Spectre, and that movie wasn't that well-received either by critics or fans with 63% from the former on Rotten Tomatoes and 61% from audiences. That is basically Quantum of Solace numbers and down from Skyfall's 92% and 86%. You take that disappointment and then you add six years, which is how long it's been between Bond movies, and you have a lot fewer people interested in shelling out money to see another Daniel Craig movie. There's no way around the fact that people are just burnt out on Craig and maybe Bond himself, and it really would take a huge wave of positive reviews to get them back.

Also, and unlike Venom, Bond is about as white as you can get in terms of a fanbase. I'm sure there's some African-Americans and LatinX movie fans who enjoy the action and stuff, but do you think you would see the entire James Bond collection in their Bluray libraries? I'm sure there are some, but they may be outliers, because Bond is the kind of Baby Boomer anti-woke un-PC franchise that the Millennials have been warning you about for years. It also doesn't have as big a female fanbase as other franchises (like Marvel) so that's another audience that might not rush out to see the movie. Sure, some changes have been made, including additions like Lashana Lynch or as she's better known, "WHO?!?!?", and de Armas, as well, but it's still the same old James Bond. Fukunaga just didn't try hard enough to make the necessary changes, or maybe he wasn't allowed to, because EON's Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. WIlson still hold very tight reins on the Bond films. Whatever has been done may not just be enough and who knows how many will want to see No Time to Die just to give Craig a glorious send-off? There's also the matter of No Time to Die being almost an hour longer than Venom -- longer run time, less screenings, less money per screen. It's simple math.

I already reviewed the movie for Below the Line -- I liked it but had some issues -- and it’s sitting pretty at 83% Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes, which is a good sign for getting the interest of fans to return to theaters for a movie that won’t be available on streaming on VOD for quite some time, I’d imagine.

I’m feeling generally bullish (or is it bearish?) on No Time To Die, especially with how much better Venom: Let There Be Carnage did last weekend compared to my prediction (OUCH!) but I’m also keeping track of that REALITY I mentioned before. Not just COVID on this one, but also opening the movie earlier overseas where the movie can be easily bootlegged and put on piracy sites for people who just don’t want to chance it at movie theaters yet. (I’m going to be writing more about this soon, but I have seen probably 100 movies or more in theaters since they reopened in NYC, and I get tested regularly. I have not tested positive for COVID once.)

The movie has done very well overseas, scoring $121.3 million in its first weekend, but I still don’t think it will open over $80 million in North America. But I do think it will be close, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it opens somewhere between $75 and 80 million.

Without knowing if any of the movies below might be going wider (but highly doubting it), here’s what the weekend Top 10 might look like. Actually, let’s make that the top 8 cause last week’s #9 and 10 were so odd and I have no idea if anything is expanding wider, as I write this:

1. No Time to Die (MGM) - $76.5 million N/A

2. Venom: Let There Be Carnage (Sony) - $31.5 million -65%

3. The Addams Family II (MGM/UA Releasing) - $9.3 million -45%

4. Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (Marvel/Disney) - $ 3.5 million -43%

5. The Many Saints of Newark (New Line/WB) - $2.1 million -55%

6. Free Guy (20th Century/Disney) - $1.3 million -45%

7. Dear Evan Hansen (Universal) - $1.1 million -57%

8. Candyman (Universal) - $700,000 -47%

I think there are just way too many great movies to pick just one "Chosen One,” but since I probably should decide, I'm going with Jimmy Chin and Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi's new documentary THE RESCUE (National Geographic). You may remember Jimmy and Chai from when they won the Oscar for Free Solo, and their latest is just as good. The rescue in the title refers to the 2018 rescue of an 11-kid Thai soccer team called the Wild Boars and their coach when they became trapped in the Tham Luang caves in Northern Thailand, as the annual monsoon season hits early, flooding the caves in which they’re exploring.

To fully understand how they got trapped, you have to have some idea of the structure of this underground cave system, and this film does a great job explaining how the monsoons create flooding in the caves and how much harder it is to get someone out of them when the rain just won’t stop. Two British cave divers, John Volanthen and Richard Standton, are called in to survey the situation and figure out if there’s a way to get the dozen trapped out alive, as time keeps passing until it seems like those kids are trapped without food longer than any human can survive. Seemingly, thousands of locals and foreigners come to the caves in hopes of helping, whether it’s trying to pump out water or dig new tunnels to try to find where the kids are trapped (which is a difficult task in itself).

There’s a good chance you were watching the news and you know the results of this elaborate and daring cave diving rescue, but you definitely don’t know how the plan was developed and pulled off until you actually watch it as it’s taking place. The underwater and cavern footage of the kids and their saviors is absolutely second to none, and it’s hard not to get emotional in the way Chin and Vasarhleyi assemble the footage with the music.

The Rescue is an amazing movie, maybe as good as the duo’s previous one, Free Solo, and it may be the best recapturing/documentation of an important news event that I’ve seen in recent memory.

I was seriously close to having multiple "Chosen Ones” this week, because there are a few other very good movies, including Fran Kranz’s directorial debut MASS (Bleecker Street), which premiered at the Sundance Film Festival, and deservedly received mass praise and stellar reviews. I don't want to say too much about the movie, because its emotional power may lay in not knowing too much about it in advance. The simplest plot is that it involves two couples meeting in the room of a church to have an important face-to-face about a difficult subject, one that needs resolution and absolution from both parties. If you like great writing and amazing performances, than the work of Reed Birney and Anne Dowd (as one couple) and Jason Isaacs and Martha Plympton (as the other) will make this movie a can't miss.

Again, without getting too deep into what the couples discuss, Mass is written and directed similar to one might do a 90-minue one-act play, but it begins with us seeing the people who work at the church trying to set up the room where this eventful tete a tete will take place. It’s surprisingly witty and even elicits a few laughs from Breeda Wool, who is so nervous and awkward about the meeting that’s about to happen.

When the two couples arrives, that’s where we really get into it, but it still starts out slow, a re-aquaintance phase between the two couples, who clearly have a difficult past, try to get through the niceties before getting into the serious conversation at hand. And here is where I’m gonna put a HUGE SPOILER IN HERE FOR THE NEXT PARAGRAPH.

As with so many movies, Mass deals with gun violence and the survivors of the types of school shootings we’ve seen far too many times in the last two decades. Isaacs and Plympton’s son was killed by the other couple’s son, who turned the gun on himself. It creates this dynamic where both couples have lost a son they loved, but Dowd and Birney are put in a spot where they have to try to explain their son’s behavior and if they saw that he was capable of such violence before the shooting took place.

The actors are all terrific, and while you might think a dialogue-heavy movie with four actors sitting at a table might not do much for you… well, first of all, you can go see No Time to Die if that’s more your speed … but Kranz’s direction is more than just getting these emotional performances out of his actors but also capturing it on film and editing it to best effect. There’s even an imperfection to the camera work, sometimes focusing on one actor while another is talking, that makes this long conversation feel even more authentic, as if you’re a fly on the wall in that room.

Again, the writing and performances and direction of Mass makes it one of the most powerful dramatic works this year. I’d love to see any of the four main actors get awards attention, but especially Dowd and Isaacs, who have been so deserving of awards love for a very, very long time.

Icelandic filmmaker Valdimar Jóhansson's LAMB (A24) is a very different movie, this one starring Noomi Rapace and Hilmir Snær Guðnason as Maria and Ingvar, a couple living on a sheep farm (or rather, a lamb farm -- I honestly don't know the difference) who make an incredible discovery when a lamb gives birth to a child they decide to raise as their own. Invar's brother Pétur is not only not impressed but he thinks they’ve gone crazy, but there’s a lot of far more nefarious things going on in and around their remote and isolated farm.

This is a really fascinating film, one that’s fairly subdued but Johansson and his cinematographer (Eli Arenson) beautifully capture the vast landscapes of Iceland and gives us a real idea of how remote and isolated the farm where it mostly takes place is. He also does a great job building on the mystery of this child and the tension that surrounds where it came from, and yet, I’m not sure I’d consider Lamb to be horror, even if A24 is maybe marketing it in that direction. Really, it’s more magical fantasy mixed with character drama, and Rapace is just great as always, really impressing me with her skills delivering baby animals and driving a tractor.

If you dig a bit deeper, you’ll discover that Jóhansson wrote the screenplay with one “Sjón,” an author who has contributed to Lars von Trier's Dancer in the Dark (one of my favorite musical movies) and also wrote The Northman, Robert Eggers next movie.

This is a terrific debut by Jóhansson -- I have an interview with the director over at Below the Line, too -- and it will be highly interesting to see where he goes from here.

I was hoping to watch and review SOUTH OF HEAVEN (RLJEfilms), the new movie from Aharon Keshales, the co-director of the fantastic Israeli thriller, Big Bad Wolves, which stars Jason Sudeikis, Evangeline Lilly, Mike Colter, and Shea Whigham, but I fell foul of a lousy screener and just didn't have tie to watch it before writing this week's column. Sudeikis plays Jimmy, a convict who has served 12 years for armed robbery who gets early parole, and he swears to give his childhood love Annie (Lilly), who is dying from cancer, the best final year of her life.

I also didn't get a chance to watch Russian filmmaker Evgeny Ruman's comedy GOLDEN VOICES (Music Box Films), which opens in New York and L.A. this weekend. It stars Maria Belkin and Vladimir Friedman as Raya and Victor, the Soviet Union’s popular film dubbers who have been translating film classics into Russian for decades. When the country collapses in 1990, the Jewish couple decides to move to Israel in hopes of finding employment. When she answers a help wanted ad looking for “pleasant voices,” she ends up working as a phone sex operator catering to the Russian community in Israel while he falls in with black market film pirates.

I also just haven't gotten around to JUSTIN BIEBER: OUR WORLD (Amazon), directed by Michael D. Ratner, which seems like the fourth or fifth documentary about the global superstar, this one that goes into the making of his 2020 New Year's Eve concert after a three-year hiatus atop the Beverly Hills Hilton for 240 invited guests and millions via livestream. It will stream on Amazon Prime Video this Friday.

A couple horror movies streaming this week are THERE’S SOMEONE INSIDE YOUR HOUSE (Netflix), the new movie from Patrick Brice (Creep), which hits Netflix and involves a masked assailant targetting a high school graduating class to expose the darkest secret of each victim, forcing a group of misfits to band together to stop the killings.

Shudder gets V/H/S 94 (Shudder), the latest anthology horror movie made up of five installments, directed by Simon Barrett, Chloe Okuno, Ryan Prows, Jennifer Reeder, and Timo Tjahjanto. I haven't watched it yet but that's quite a rogue's gallery of horror/genre filmmakers there.

Streaming on Amazon Prime Video are the next two installments of this year's batch of Welcome to the Blumhouse movies, Axelle Carolyn's The Manor, an eerie tale set in a retirement home and starring the legendary Barbara Hershey, and Ryan Zarazoga’s Madres about a young Mexican-American couple having their first child in ‘70s California where he’s sent to work on a farm where the wife finds a talisman and a box with belongings of the former resident. Both of them debut on Amazon Prime Video this Friday, too. Also, you can read my interview with Ms. Carolyn over at Below the Line.

Other movies that just didn't fit into my schedule this week include:

ASCENSION (MTV Documentary Films) VENGEANCE IS MINE (Vertical) PHARMA BRO (1091) KNOCKING (Yellow Veil Pictures)

Next week’s wide release is David Gordon Green’s horror sequel, HALLOWEEN KILLS!