#i wrote this in one sitting no i wont reread it

[liyawritesss]

riri x reader going to a game or playing video games together late at night

ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ʀᴇʟᴀx ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍɪɴᴅ

Characters: MCU!Riri Williams x Black!Fem!Reader

Type: Drabble

Synopsis: Finals are here and you've been studying non-stop for the past few weeks. Riri gets you to unwind in the only way you can’t refuse.

Warnings: cursing, riri gets a bit upset cuz you're not taking care of yourself, one mention of the word 'depression'

A/N: a mix of a drabble + textfic style that I thought would fit for this request. It's also been a minute since I actually wrote for riri but I have engaged in a lot of the his floating around for her. Particularly the stud!riri ones....if you squint you'll def see the inspiration lmaoo.

Tags: @6-noir @playhousedistee @shuririsdefenseattorney @shuriszn @zayswriting @wrendermedone @writingintheshadowsforever @mbakuetshurisprincess @verachii @slytherin-34 @the_lesbian-fangirl @itsmaniiiiiiiii @strangefishflapturtle @cuddl3s4shur1 @shuriislut @dejaonline @babyboiboyega @badass-dora-milaje @inmyheadimobsessed @aaliyg @cafehyunji @chunkybabygorl @rosielovesfamily @lulu-network

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Ten forty-seven.

That was the time on your phone, printed in white against the background of your lock screen. You had been studying for four hours, since the second you got back to your dorm after your last class ended for the day. There had barely been a moment’s rest for you, and after the realization hit that you had been sitting in your seat for four fucking hours rereading the same study guide and notes over and over, you became increasingly aware of the sting your eyes and the soreness of your butt in your desk chair.

Finals were around the corner, and quite frankly, you couldn’t afford to not study. This semester had been exceptionally hard course wise, with the materials for many of your classes being dense and intense. The professors as well were not the kindest, and would make it all too easy for a student to slip up and fail, and you refused to be one of those students.

Your phone buzzes against the wood of your desk, and against your better judgment, you choose to pick it up and see the notifications you have. As you suspect, ignoring your phone and all other electronics for four hours straight garnered you a lot of notifications from the various apps you used on a day to day basis for entertainment and communication. And the first to sit at the top of your notifications column was from none other than your precious girlfriend herself.

riri baby ❣️

babe

babe

baaaaaabbbeeee

let me know you’re alive goddamn

Imyyyyy

like a lot

you know you wouldn’t be stressing like this is you just let me help you study

you know im a good teacher :D

pls answer your goddamn phone

you act like i wont spam your shit you know i’m crazy like that

…..now if i send you sumn imma be in the wrong

you

jesus christ ri

riri baby ❣️

wooooooowwww so you respond to the threat of me sending you nudes but not me being lovey dovey n shit

i see how it is

you

you know what they say

a tit pic a day keeps the depression at bay

riri baby ❣️

I wish my phone wasn’t fucked up so i could send that raven simone gif of her saying ‘ya nasty’

cuz that’s what you are

n a s t y

you

you offered??????

riri baby ❣️

pls tell me you’re not still studying

you been doin that shit since last week 

did you even eat anything when you got back to our room

you

I can neither confirm nor deny either of those questions

riri baby ❣️

omfg

ikyfl

Really (Y/N)?

you

that's not my name :(

you make it sound like i’m in trouble or sumn

riri baby ❣️

cuz you are????

bae its finna be eleven at night and you aint eat or take a break since you got back

you

ik ik ik

i tried to take one i really did

but i was just starting to understand some stuff and I didn't want my stupid brain to forget it just as i was already beginning to relearn it

and I still have so much to go….

riri baby ❣️

put you sumn on

im finna come pick you up and we finna go get sumn to eat

then i’mma spend the night with you and make sure you chill tf out on that studying shit bc you gon fuck around and make yourself sick from all that stress

aight?

you

okay…..

can we get

idk

tacos?

riri baby ❣️

yes we can get tacos pretty girl

And baby?

you

Yes?

riri baby ❣️

i love you

you’re doing great

you 

thank you….n I love you too

can we also play the game when we come back?

riri baby ❣️

yes baby we can play the game

im suppose to be teaching you how to play 2K anyway

i’m downstairs mama

hurry up campus security be out here actin shady n shit

You were thankful that Riri had texted you in the end. You probably would be past out in your desk chair right now if you chose to ignore your phone again, but knowing Riri, she wouldn't have let that happen anyway. The trip to your favorite taco spot wasn’t long, and the cashier there who had memorized your orders made the process swift and painless. 

Returning to your dorm room, Riri wasted no time in shoving your study materials into the drawer of your desk to be forgotten about until tomorrow. You just sat on your bed, as you watched her move about your room with precision, cleaning up your discarded shoes, jacket and backpack, and turning on your gaming console, slipping the 2K23 disc into the game disc slot and loading up the application.

“C’mere,” Riri mutters as she takes you by your hand and pulls you onto her lap after you’ve finished eating. The warmth from her hoodie warms your body that's littered in goosebumps, and she all but ages you against her by wrapping her arm around her waist to connect with the other handle of the controller. You find yourself paying much more attention to her tutorial of the game than any of the course material from any of your classes, her soft voice coaxing relaxation into your mind. And of course, as the ever so appreciative girlfriend you are to her, you make sure to feed her as well while she’s teaching you. 

You’d save study for tomorrow. For right now, you were content with your girlfriend holding you close while she played her game, and you watched attentively, delivering her a victory kiss for every match she wins.

If you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, and reblog for others to see! And don’t be shy to send in a request!

[sajaffery]

unblock...2...

thank you gobstikelsa1970..although i blame you for having to break one of my earlier rules. this was supposed to be all part of the same post. which started yesterday and was supposed to continue and continue until tumblr officially decided to kick me off their website altogether for being a nuisance and a show off at which point i would be forced to roam the face of this earth with words pouring out of my fingers into the thankless earth. sorry. i kind of got ahead of myself there. but ive decided to continue this on a seperate post, titled the same with a few sad dots and a 2 at the end. perhaps my two followers wont hate me so much anymore, and they might even ask other people to follow me. although they seem to only be interested in large naked men with bulging muscles. i hope thats not why they added me for i can only ever be a large naked man with a bulging stomach. they might be into that, after a few beers, maybe a couple of tequila shots and five hundred years of solitude. another cliched literary refernce. see earlier post for reference and explanation for terrible grammer and spelling. fuck dead white old men! were they old? i cant remember. and I cant go back and check either. you certainly can. but you wont. because youve got better things to do, like continue reading this post. emoticon alert. okay this is starting to get repetitive. I’m making the same jokes as yesterday. its probably a good thing i cant go back and reread my posts because then i definietely would be cracking the same jokes again and again. or i might be able to build on them and improve them. isnt that what all writers do? Bukowski certainly does. I’ve read three books by him and countless short stories and it seems to be the same books over and over again with very similar characters, especially women. doing the same things over and over again and him just finding us better ways to tell us about it. so I guess I can do that. but I cant rered what I wrote yesterday so I cant. and I’m not great. by any stretch if the imagination. but then neither was Bukowski. another reason why my wife cant read this, she’d pick up the laptop and smash it over my head for saying that.                          (FORCED DELETION)

I FUCKING HATE DONALD TRUMP. compared to him, i’m jesus christ. i.e. impossible to hate. everyone loves jesus, even the people who hate bible bashers because the man just talked about love. and he had cool hair. the poor guy was even ready to marry a prossi. how fucking awesome can you get. my mum called me jesus the other day because she was yelling at me and i just kept smiling at her. thats how amazing the man was. although it does kind of help the argument that he might have been deluded. even mad. huh. i didnt think of it like that. not a very nice thing for my mum to have said. hmmm. i’m blanking for a bit. oh new rule! i have to tell you, i say you even though i know nobody is reading this, and if someone is…cringe!!! but yes i have to tell you why i stopped writing yesterday because i wrote down i have to go to work but thats not good enough as an excuse because i’m actually at work as i write this. my work involves sitting behind a counter with a laptop infront of me and ignoring every customer who walks in as much as i can. yes i’m a till jocky and not the cool kind like randall from clerks, but more the sad kind like Dante because he hates being there but has nowhere fucking else to go. my parents own this place. hence my dad being a rich capitalist and my being a fake socialist. and ive been stuck here for the last six years now and i reconize 90% of the people who walk into this place and i want to punch atleast 90% of those 90%. I cant punch the rest of the 10% because theyre too fucking old. not because I like them. wow I hate a lot of people. no. no. this is just a symptom me hating myself again. it has to be I’m starting to come out like a monster in this post, my two hypersexualised followers are going to be defollowing me any second. can you find out if someone has defollowed you? do you get a little notification for that? like you do when someone is following you. such and such person is no longer following you. LOSER! me. not them. i’m the dumpee remember, not the dumper. maybe this is me. maybe this is why i’m writing this, because i cant possibly hope to tell anyone any of these things. not face to face anyway. who would want to listen? God knows I wouldn’t. except maybe if i was getting paid for it. even then. clearly ive gone through medical school or at least graduate school to be sitting there and getting paid to listen to this crap and eventually i’d reach a point where i’d want to get this person out of my room, out of my face out of my life, just as far away from me as possible, wow. i want to stop writing this now. i suddenly dont feel great. and i feel tired 

[hoediaz]

hiiiiii zoe “in my defense, i really wanted to” <33333 if it sparks inspiration!!

"In my defence," Eddie says, his arms folded across his chest and his chin raised stubbornly, "I really wanted to."

Buck can still feel the weight of Eddie's mouth against his own, burning like a brand. He presses cold fingers to the edge of his mouth, blinks dumbly.

The kitchen is quiet and dark, mostly everyone asleep in the privacy of the bunk room. At this time of night it's only Buck and Eddie, teasing and laughing quietly as they pick through the cupboards for the snacks Chimney hides behind Bobby's spices.

Buck doesn't remember what they were joking about — maybe the call from earlier, when Ravi slipped in mud and took Chimney down with him, or maybe the book Buck's been reading, a domestic thriller that doesn't make any sense — only that one second they were laughing, shushing each other, their shoulders knocking together, and the next Eddie's eyes were lingering over the curve of mouth, Eddie's hand was curling in the front of his uniform, Eddie's mouth was sliding over his.

He's been kissed a lot in his lifetime, by a lot of different people in a lot of different places, but not a single one of them comes close to this: the press of Eddie's body so familiar he could recognize it half-dead, the fire house so familiar he can navigate it in the dark.

"In your defence?" Buck repeats, incredulous. And then: "You really wanted to?"

"Yes," Eddie huffs, his shoulders shifting in a way that pulls the short sleeves of his uniform over his biceps. He's been wearing the short sleeves more and more since finally coming back to the 118, and at first Buck thought it was some kind of symbolic gesture about starting over, like the haircut, but now he thinks it was just to torture him. "Did you hit your head?"

"No, I didn't — you want to kiss me? On purpose?"

"On purp— no, Buck, I wanted to trip and fall on your mouth. Yes, on purpose."

He knows Eddie, knows him better than maybe anyone on the planet, so he knows that he's only being snappish because he's embarrassed, because he put himself on the line to kiss Buck and now they're standing in the kitchen arguing about it.

But Eddie knows Buck, too, knows him right down to the very marrow of his bones, so that snappish defence only lasts a second before he's tilting his head, his eyes softening. "Buck," he says, "I always want you on purpose. Today, and yesterday, and tomorrow, it's just — I just look at you and want you. You can't blame me for that."

And Buck thinks he might cry in his place of work at four thirty in the morning with the borrowed taste of Chimney's Scooby Doo gummies on his lips.

"I think," he says, and has to clear his throat when his voice cracks, desperate and breaking open. He licks his lips, watches Eddie's eyes trace the movement. "I think I might need some more convincing. You know. Just to be sure."

Eddie blinks, and then a grin blooms across his expression, brightening the dark of the kitchen. "Well," he says, taking a step closer, his hands reaching up to frame Buck's face between slightly sweaty palms, "I guess. But only because I really want to."

Buck grins into the kiss, twisting a hand in Eddie's uniform that tugs it gently loose from his pants. It's a horrible, terrible idea, making out lazily against the fridge in the middle of a shift when they should be sleeping soundly in separate bunks, but they do it anyway. It's been too long since they've let themselves indulge in something just because they want it; months for Buck, maybe a lifetime for Eddie.

But it's a bad idea nonetheless, proven so when the kitchen light flicks on, casting a spotlight on where Buck has one hand halfway up Eddie's shirt, where Eddie has both hands twisted in his hair, their lips kiss-swollen and grinning too wide for having been caught.

"Just so you know," Chimney says from the other side of the island, holding onto the recently open box of his gummies that Eddie stole from, "this is literally my worst nightmare and I'm telling everyone."

Eddie only laughs, bright and joyous and half-muffled by Buck's shoulder, and Buck is warm, wanted.

send me a prompt if u would like

[crazywolf828]

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F

Fandoms: RWBY

Relationships: Pyrrha Nikos/Weiss Schnee, Blake Belladonna/Yang Xiao Long

Characters: Weiss Schnee, Pyrrha Nikos, Blake Belladonna, Yang Xiao Long

Additional Tags: Kinktober, Smut, Public Sex, Vibrators, Double Date, this is a lot filthier than I meant oops

Summary:

They'd talked it through, they all talked it through. Four separate safe words put in place, an agreement to immediately stop if any were spoken.

Still, as they're walking to the small cafe her girlfriend checks in again.

"You're absolutely sure you want to do this?" Pyrrha asks, glancing over with those piercing emerald eyes, ones that can see past any lie.

Weiss doesn't blame her for double checking, this is new, they'd never done something like this before. The thought already has her shuddering, underwear surely ruined.

"I promise, I want this." She gives a smile, a firm squeeze to the hand in her own, "As long as you still do?"

Weiss watches the way Pyrrha's eyes darken ever so slightly, the single heavy breath, "I want this." Pyrrha's voice dips, only slightly, only enough you'd be able to notice it if you were listening.

Still, it makes Weiss swallow thickly, they aren't even at the cafe and she's already ruined.

[insertdisc5]

Devlog #8: QA and Q&A

(all the screenshots i have left are spoilers. while i take more, have a meme)

Hello everyone! Welcome to this month’s devlog!

If you just stumbled upon this, I am Adrienne, also known as insertdisc5! I’m the developer, writer, artist, main programmer, etc of the game. The game being In Stars and Time, which is the next and final game in the START AGAIN series, following START AGAIN: a prologue (available here!).  You can find out more about In Stars and Time here!!! 

LET’S GET TO IT

With the game’s alpha finished, I didn’t do anything much worth talking about this month. QA is underway! I’m fixing bugs! I’m writing changelogs that say stuff like “At the hallway before that one room, getting to the edge 2+ times wont softlock anymore if you do it between the wall and a column”!!!! I’m also resting because September was a LOT!!! 

So, since I have very little to say, I asked people on Twitter to ask me questions, so I could answer them. Q&A time!

@ItsMeLilyV asks:

1. I really have been in love with monochrome & limited palette styles recently :3 How did you figure out the art style for ISAT? Are there any distinct challenges or walls you've run into? 

2. did you get to take any good naps. how would you rank the naps on a 10-pt scale

1. The TLDR is: it’s more fun to draw in black and white. And it’s faster. And it looks cool as hell!!!

I did run into some challenges especially when it came to UI- how do you draw the eye of the player to a selection, or something they need to interact with, when you can’t use an eye-catching color to draw them in?!? I ended up relying a lot on level design to do that… And animations, too, especially in the House where everything is frozen! Keeping a very limited palette also helps, I think I mostly used black, white, and maybe 5 shades of grey in between… It’s all about contrast! And not having a big muddy grey mess!!!

2. I got some good naps in, yeah. I’m a big fan of naps after lunch, so I eat, wait for the sleep to kick in, and sleep for 2-3 hours. Solid 8/10 naps. That’s heaven babes!!!

@gertritude asks:

I am curious about what your writing process is for the game!! Like, what is your planning process (if you have one) and how do you approach actually writing for it?

My writing process… It’s a little all over the place to be honest! 

I had the big strokes of ISAT figured out from beginning to end before I even finished the prologue, but then I had to really sit down a bunch of times and really figure out how to get from point A to point B. So it involved a lot of writing, and also rewriting, to Foreshadow some Cool Stuff. Also, early on I was really struggling with some plot points, so I sat down for a whole day and wrote down the entire plot from beginning to end, and tried to get really granular and write down those middle point A to point B things! If I didn’t know what would happen I just invented something on the spot! As long as the whole story was written!!! It took a while, but I’m really glad I did this, because this saved me a lot of time later on hehe

Apart from the big plot events, the smaller events that are conversations between the characters usually just come out of nowhere, like “ok I have a table here and I put cookies on it. How would everyone react?”. I try to strike a balance between “this is how people talk” and “does it say anything new about those characters”, whether it’s a character’s favorite food, or a nice foreshadowing moment that you’ll reread later and go “OH DAMN… ALL ALONG THIS WAS HERE…”

My big go-to technique to actually write is that every day 1. I decide I’m going to work for 15mn and I start a timer 2. I put my headphones on 3. I start my concentrate playlist, which is full of instrumental electro/dubstep/wub wub adjacent music 4. ????? 5. Writing accomplished. The 15mn goal is just because it’s easy to write for 15mn. I always write for longer, but I just need to get started with an easy goal!

@_blade0fgrass_ asks:

Is it hard coming up with such immaculate puns

I would like to thank punpedia from the bottom of my heart. And also google. Thanks punpedia thanks google!

@kayleighdotjpeg asks:

keeping spoilers in mind, who are your favorite characters to write? which character dynamics are your favorite? did any of them surprise you?

This is THE question. Thank you so much. 

I loved to write Siffrin (especially when they’re all depressed teehee), but Odile ended up being my Actual Favorite to write. Most characters are either 1. Full of secrets or 2. Pushovers and/or oblivious, so it’s very nice to have Odile be the one to say “Alright, enough of this. We will talk about the elephant in the room Right Now”. She’s very blunt and doesn’t care about anything and she is so useful as a plot device and I love her.

Siffrin and Odile is my favorite dynamic, followed closely by Siffrin and Loop! As for surprising character dynamics, I reaaaaally enjoyed writing Odile and Isabeau… I didn’t get to write them often, but they are so fun to write together. Please ask me this question again once the game comes out so I can say more.

@novvclutchmate asks:

How do you go about finding a balance between levity and seriousness? Would you say your story tips more in one direction than the other; if so, was it on purpose and why?

What a good question! Hmm, for me and my writing style personally, it’s less about finding a balance, and more that One Cannot Exist Without The Other. It’s like adding sweetness to a savory dish- adding them together elevates the whole thing!!! 

If I have a serious scene, I like to add some levity to kind of bring the characters back to earth. I don’t know about you, but when I have a serious conversation for too long, I automatically laugh or tell a joke to break the tension! I get uncomfortable when it’s too serious! It’s normal! I’m normal!!!! It’s also a way for the audience to breathe out- don’t worry player, we’re good! We’re back to the usual stuff! Plus, I find that funny scenes right after a serious emotional scene hit harder.

As for seriousness to levity, I think it’s fun when you have a funny slice of life scene and then the story reminds you that this scene is Serious Actually. Like having everyone talking happily and the narrator saying  “it makes you sad when your friends keep repeating the very same lines every time.” :)

ISAT tips more towards levity I’d say, because of the reasons listed above! If you’re used to funny cute scenes and then I give you a Serious Emotional scene it makes you go Σ(っ °Д °;)っ

@gala_ksyz

is there any words youd like to tell aspiring/young indie devs?

Just make the dang thing!!! Stop putting it off!!! Just do it!!! Buy a simple game maker thing like rpgmaker or renpy or whatever and make the thing!!! Yes it’ll take time!!! Yes it won’t be as good as you imagined in some ways!!! Yes making games is hard!!! But you gotta just do it!!! It’ll be so much better than you imagined in other ways!!! It’ll be real!!! You’re the only one who can make it!!! It’s yours!!! It comes from your heart!!! It IS your heart!!! No one else can make it but you!!! So just make the dang thing!!! I believe in you!!! JUST MAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s all I have to say for today! Let me know if you have any questions, or if there’s any aspect of the game development struggle you’d like me to talk about! See you next time!!!

AND DON’T FORGET TO WISHLIST THE GAME ON STEAM ALSO IT REALLY HELPS BECAUSE STEAM’S ALGORITHM IS MORE LIKELY TO SHOW OFF GAMES WITH A HIGH AMOUNT OF WISHLISTS THAT’S THE REASON WHY GAME DEVS ALWAYS ASK TO WISHLIST!!! OKAY BYE!!!!

[onebatch2batch]

i don’t know if i ever mentioned, but i work at a plant company and i have a literal jungle in my apartment, and i got to thinking about plants and kastle and well....wrote this at work today 

enjoy a lil’ fun modern day, establish relationship au 🤍

--

When Karen wakes up late on a Saturday afternoon, there’s a gift for her in the kitchen. It’s a small houseplant sitting in a simple white ceramic pot, marooned in the middle of the kitchen island. She certainly didn’t buy it, and unless she’s the victim of some weird reverse-robbery, then Frank must have left it while she was asleep. Karen pours herself a cup of coffee once the machine has finished sputtering and sits at the counter, pulling the pot towards her. 

The plant is only about a foot and a hall tall from the counter up. It’s leaves are hard and flat, reaching up towards the ceiling. There’s no flowers or color–just varying shades of green. At the base of the plant is a bed of what looks to be some kind of moss, hiding the dirt from view. It’s as she realizes there’s a card nestled in the leaves that her phone begins to ring. 

“Hey, Jess,” she says absently, squinting at the leaves as she grabs for the card. 

“You working today? I’m in the area for a job and could use a stake out partner.”

“Oh–no, sorry. I took the day off. Hey, what does it mean if your boyfriend leaves you a plant?”

There’s a brief pause where Jessica adjusts to the switch in conversation, and then she snorts a laugh into the phone. “Uh, like a houseplant? What kind?”

Karen frowns at it, spinning the pot until she finds a label. “It says snake plant.”

“Hang on.” There’s a shuffle and another quick pause. When Jess comes back to the phone, she sounds a little further away, like Karen’s been put on speakerphone. “Okay, so they look cool. And the internet says they’re impossible to kill. Did he leave a note?”

She picks up the note again and flips it open. “Karen,” she reads. “You’re always talking about wanting plants. Here’s a starter. I’ll love you until it dies. Frank.”

Jessica erupts into cackles. “Wait. So. Your relationship depends on how long you can keep that thing alive? And he got you a low maintenance one? Jesus, Page. You’ve really proven your dependability, here.”

“Hey!” Karen frowns, chest constricting in panic as she rereads the scant few lines again, hoping for enlightenment. It’s not like Frank to give her an ultimatum like this, and the idea that he doesn’t even trust her to keep a plant alive–or their relationship–is setting off alarms in her head. They’ve been together for over six months now, and she thought everything was going good. Great even. Now she’s not so sure. “So, how do I take care of this thing??”

“Hang on, don’t get your panties in a bunch…”

More silence. Karen eyes the plant anxiously and gulps down some of her coffee. 

“Okay, so you don’t really have to water it. Once a month in the winter, if that. Summer like, twice a month. Wow, you can literally put this thing in a dark corner and it will live.”

She can’t help but ask. “Should I be taking this as a sign?”

“I don’t know. Sounds like you should ask your boyfriend.”

“Ugh, Jess. You’re no help.”

“Hey, don’t take your domestic issues out on me. At least I looked up the name.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Sorry.” She sighs and pushes the pot back until it’s in the middle of the island once more. In light of the note, even the plant itself seems to judge her. “Okay. So, just water it every two weeks and it wont die. This is fine. We’ll be fine. I can do this.”

“Don’t sound so sure or anything, P.”

“Shut up, Jones.”

–

When Frank gets home that evening, he takes one look at the plant on the counter and grins at her, toeing his shoes off.

“Like it?” he asks. 

She smiles and hopes it’s convincing enough that he won’t be alerted to her inner turmoil. If she can keep it alive, then she’ll have proved she’s worth it too. “I love it. Thank you. But, um…are you sure you don’t want to take care of it?”

Frank laughs and leans in for a kiss. “Funny. I’m gonna hit the shower. Wanna order take out?”

“Sure,” she tells his back as he walks away, perplexed and no closer to being rid of plant parent responsibilities than before. 

–

Almost two months later, the plant is still alive. Karen has taken to marking a little raindrop on her calendar every two weeks as a reminder to water it, and so far she’s managed to remember. She’s even researched and bought plant food that she mixes in with the water every month. If Frank wants her to take care of her new plant, then she’s going to do it right. It’s never going to die, if she has anything to say about it, because she’s definitely not ready to let go of Frank. 

Of course, she’s only human. On one quiet Saturday night with her feet in Frank’s lap as they read on opposite ends of the couch, Karen suddenly flails violently enough for his book to go careening across the room. She’s forgotten to water the plant. It’s the second Saturday of the month and she forgot. 

“Oh shit!” she curses under her breath, getting to her feet and hurrying into the kitchen. 

“Karen? Hey–what’s goin’ on?” Frank calls after her, but Karen ignores him in favor of scrutinizing the plant under the kitchen light. She fully expects there to be brown spots or signs of decay on the leaves, but after a few moments of holding her breath she realizes that the plant is just fine. It looks the exact same as it has for the last few weeks, happy and green. Karen sighs in relief, turning to look at Frank when he appears in the doorway. 

“It’s fine,” she says happily. “Just forgot the plant.”

He blinks at her, confused. Karen turns and grabs a glass, filling it with water from the tap. She usually gives it about a third of a glass of water, but since she was late she figures a little extra won’t hurt. Once she’s done dousing the soft moss at the base of the plant, she looks up to find Frank staring at her with the most bewildered, amused and exasperated expression she’s ever seen. 

“...what?”

“Karen, tell me you haven’t been waterin’ that damn thing every week.”

“No!” she exclaims, stung. Does he really think she wasn’t going to look up how often to water it? Is she that hopeless? “Every two in the summer. Every four in the winter.”

He presses his fist against his mouth, but she can see he’s fighting a grin. “Uhh,” he says tightly, on a laugh. “You’ve been watering it every other week?”

“Yes?” she questions, lost as to why it’s so funny. “You said–!”

Before she can finish her sentence, Frank strides over and grasps the plant by the base, yanking it from the pot without pause. Karen lets out a gasp so involuntary it’s more of a shocked wheeze, and as he stands there and looks at her she feels realization smack her across the face. 

He’s been trying to find an out. He’s been waiting for it to die so he can leave, and she’s been keeping it alive when he thought she wouldn’t. She’s a complete idiot. They’re eight months into a relationship that he has been trying to end and she’s been too involved with a plant to realize it–so now he’s ended it for her.

Frank must read something in her expression, because his eyes widen and he steps towards her quickly. “Oh, baby. Hey–look. It’s fake, I just wanted to show you it’s fake. I’m sorry, okay?”

She stares at the seafoam green styrofoam the plant is sticking out of as he holds it in between them, her confusion temporarily overlapping her misery. “Wait…what?”

Frank’s expression gentles, and he sets the plant on the counter before grasping her by the shoulders, thumbs massaging into her tense muscles. “I wrote that note as a joke. It’s been fake the whole time, I wasn’t–did you actually think I’d leave if you killed a plant?”

She stares at him as everything catches up to her: the way it never looked different, the off-color message in the note, the fact that she actually managed to keep it alive. The fact that he laughed when she suggested he should take care of it. 

“Oh my god,” she mutters, cheeks flushing in embarrassment. “I’m an idiot. It’s fake.”

 “It’s fake,” he agrees solemnly, then chuckles and presses a kiss to her forehead as he wraps her up in a hug. “I love you, Karen. I’m not goin’ anywhere. Sorry to freak you out like that. Why didn’t you say something when I gave it to you, huh?”

“I don’t know, I just wanted to prove I could do it, I guess.” She presses her face against his chest, willing her heartbeat to return to normal as it sets in that he doesn’t actually want to leave her. That their relationship is as good as she thought it was before all this foliage nonsense. That he loves her, even if she has been watering a fake plant for two months. “I love you too.”

They’re quiet for a minute, swaying on the kitchen linoleum, until he turns his head to speak into her ear. “I could get ya a real one. If you want.”

“God. Please, no. This has been traumatic enough.” She pauses. “But could you put that one back in the pot? I kind of like it.”

He laughs and releases her, turning to pick up the soggy, crumbling styrofoam and ever-healthy looking snake plant. “Deal.”

[minnow-doodle-doo]

Ok there's a lot that I really like from you:

How The Cookie Crumbled (ok I just reread part of this and that one paragraph when Aizawa is relieved that him and Yamada are still best friends after everything that happened. MY HEART. EVEN AFTER THE INCIDENT HES STILL THE INSECURE TEENAGER WHO'S WORRIED THAT HIS FRIEND WONT BE HIS FRIEND ANYMORE JWJFHEISN)

Far From This. (The summary gets me every time. Like, I'm like OH YEAH THIS FIC. Definitely due for a reread)

An Eggcellent Holiday (FAV. I go back to this a lot. I really did laugh at the EGGS part. And THE HOSPITAL SCENE WHERE HE CAN HEAR AIZAWA SAY "I'm not gonna get to be his dad anymore" AHHHH)

So Don't Say Goodbye (heart. My goddamm heart. Love Love Love the dialogue here)

A Chance That He May Live (hehe chop)

The People Upstairs (the cutest!!!)

Hoping Next Time's Different (DUE FOR ANOTHER REREAD. I was skimming it again and I forgot what happened but I do remember the Warrior Cats in the hospital and I remember liking it.)

Ok so also going back I just realized that I haven't even commented all that much and THAT IS CRIMINAL OF ME AND I AM SORRY i am like the least consistent commenter. I think I was reading a lot of these during my down times so my comment power was at an all time low. Anyways, always love the way you write the Shinsou and Aizawa dynamic, most especially Shinsou. You get it. ALSO your titles. I don't know how you do it. Your titles are THE BEST. I haven't read "Someday Happens One Day at a Time" but that is such a POWERFUL line. Like, when I'm down I will think about that line and be like "I CAN get my life together." You probably don't remember but you sent an ask to me for the fic title game and it has been sitting in my inbox because I was like "I can't let this go. I HAVE to give it a fic." I literally have like two ideas for it and it's only a matter of which one actually gets finished. Also I love your art! This is getting really long, but thank you for sharing your talent and I have been blessed to have the same hyperfixation as you. Thank you thank you thank you!!! Also sorry if this is awkwardly long.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I reread this like five times over the last couple of days as a pick me up.!!!

Okay here we go!

With the scene from How the Cookie Crumbled, Aizawa has such low hopes for the future but deep, deep down wants to be an optimist and wants things to turn out right. tho it won't always happen he has some great things in his future to keep that repressed optimist alive.

For Far From This was part of an event from the NWA server that multiple people switched paragraph by paragraph. I didn't really like it, I'm too much of a control freak, but I'm still glad I did it tho for the experience at least.

An Eggcellent Holiday was a giftfic for an exchange for princlest and I wanted to impress them so bad so I worked on that fic for weeks, I put everything into it and I actually like how it turned out haha. (I love their work so, so much)

So Don't Say Goodbye is probably the fic that I reread the most of mine; it's quick, poignant, and I too enjoy the dialogue that I wrote!

I love zombies my favorite book is World War Z so I knew I had to do a zombie fic at one point. The title is from the Prince of Egypt lyric of Deliver us "My son, I have nothing I can give, but this chance that you may live"

I enjoy writing small moments! And I find there is so much hidden love in food.

For Hoping Next Time's Different, and I guess for anything I write( everyone does it subconsciously I think, I try to be more intentional), I try and put a little bit of myself in it so to speak. So that's another reason I put the warrior cats stuff in it. It had been a childhood dream to give a cat a warrior cat name. (Now I have fulfilled it myself and my cat's name is Tigerfang)

I too am a terrible commenter and an even worse reply commenter (I am sorry to everyone in my ao3 inbox I have read every comment and I love you)

When I write Shinsou he's always so bitter and snarky in the teenest way possible, how everything is new but so old and repetitive that having any sort of hope is setting yourself up for hurting yourself. When Aizawa comes in, here comes a hope that despite himself, Shinsou attaches himself to and all that it represents. (also you get it too bro. The way you characterize them, chef kiss)

Okay like half my titles are from songs or poems. And half of those are country songs, like they go so hard. That's where I got Someday Comes One Day at a Time. (Listen to it, it slaps, he's got some other great songs too) I'm so happy you found so much meaning in it! I have too!

I remember sending the ask, but I don't remember what I had written (please remind me haha) I'm so excited for those fics dude!!! whatever you write is just. so. damn. goooooddddd.

 I'm so glad that we have the like exact same tastes.

[escapewriter]

i combined these two because they’re similar so some members would answer one or itd be a combo of both. idk if that made sense. PLS I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WROTE OH MY GOD.

~

main masterlist || tbz written masterlist

read this if you would like to request something

~

tbz reaction to cuddling

sangyeon : why do i just picture like his stomach grumbling at the wrong time. he’d get so embarrassed and say he’s not hungry (but he is). so you make him food and give it to him. then when he finishes you lean against him again because the feeling of having him next you was addicting?? (idk if thats the right word) but HIS STOMACH GRUMBLES AGAIN KDEOELEL pls idk where i was going with this.

jacob : IDK I JUST SEE HIM BEING SHY WHEN YOU ASK TO CUDDLE. LIKE HE’LL AVOID EYE CONTACT THE WHOLE TIME WHEN IN REALITY HE’S FREAKING OUT. HE DOESNT KNOW WHERE TO PUT HIS ARMS OR WHAT TO DO AND HE’S JUST NERVOUS. then you just tell him to relax and he calms down and realizes that its only you🥺🥺 PLEASE

younghoon : he’d just smile at you as you made the gesture. he’d watch you from the other side of the room, the grin on his face getting wider as he slowly approached you. then bam. he tackles you with hugs and kisses. PLS WAIT I JUST REREAD THIS KFJEJDJ

jaehyun : idky but i can just see you laying on his lap and he’d play with your hair mindlessly. you’d relax because it would feel nice when he ran his fingers through it that you’d close your eyes and forget the movie that was playing. but if he had to go to the bathroom, i can see him like try to lift your head slowly so you wont wake up, but obviously you do. then he’d apologize and just,

“I’ve been holding it since you layed down on my lap.” KDKSDKSK

juyeon : this would probably happen naturally. like yall would be watching a movie and you two would be sitting close to each other but not like close close. he’d want to wrap his arm around you but he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable. BUT THE SECOND YOU LEAN AGAINST HIM, HE IMMEDIATELY WRAPS HIS ARM AROUND YOU AND BRINGS YOU CLOSER. yall would be too shy to even look at each other, PLEASE.

kevin : he’d lowkey sing something. he’d randomly go up to you and fully bear hug you for the first time while humming a tune in your ear. then he’d still have his arms wrapped around you and would lean back to belt out a high note or smth. i swear i see it.

chanhee : yall chanhee?? idky but i just be getting those vibes where its like he pretends to hate every second of it but he actually loves it. like he sees you do that grabby hand thingy fjdhdjjs and then he kinda just judges you and is like ‘okayy’ and he be acting like disgusted but not disgusted because he actually likes cuddling with you.

changmin : THE WAY HE HUGS HIS CHUCKY DOLL IS THE SAME REACTION TO HOW HE’LL HUG YOU WHEN YOU DO THE GRAB HAND THING. like he’d just hug you so tight and then would constantly kiss your cheek telling you how cute you are.

haknyeon : he’d be so shy when cuddling I DONT KNOW. like he’d just be holding one of your hands as you layed against him. the amount of prayers he’d say just so you wouldn’t hear how fast his heart was pounding. THEN YOU FALL ASLEEP AND HE TENSES UP BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT TO WAKE YOU UP. EVEN IF HE HAS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, HE WONT GET UP NO.

sunwoo : he’d try not to be affected by your actions when you show him you want to cuddle. he’ll pretend to give you that judgmental look with a side eye but eventually would engulf you in a hug. then yall could just crash on the couch or bed and you stay there, cuddling because none of you wanted to move.

eric : i just see you and eric just being super shy and nervous at first, but then once you rip off the bandaid and just c u d d l e, he would knock tf out. then you’d just question how he does that so easily. meanwhile you’re just trapped in his arms, basically a human pillow and you’re not allowed to move. period.

[corvidspectre]

2020 writer’s round up!

i was tagged by @crystalinastar and @queerbutstillhere (thank u guys!)

Word count:

Fic: i wrote 120k of fic this year! Quarantine innit, gang gang.

Unpublished fic: I cannot be assed to go through my many many wips and check but i’d wager about 40-50k, something like that?

Original: 15k around about I think!

Number of smut scenes:

Legally i am an adult but emotionally is a different story, so it’s a whopping zero from me lol

New things I tried this year:

Writing for zines, and I tried depending on dialogue less!! And also just putting myself out there more, fandom wise? Like actually interacting with other creators that weren’t already my friends instead of just sitting in my corner and writing alone! I have made a lot of new friends this year and honestly it’s great, and probably the reason I managed to write so much.

Favourite Fic I read this year?:

GOD I CAN’T CHOOSE ARE YOU JOKING?? asdfgh i read so many amazing ones but if I had to say, I’d pick The Fall of Rome by @trypticcognizen or Shutterbug by @goldkirk, both are absolutely amazing and honestly the reread value is insane, i cannot recommend them enough

Writing goals for 2021?:

Continue writing as much as i have! (probably wont be hard considering my degree i’m studying for is creative writing, finish at least one of my multi-chaptered long term aus, and just generally enjoy what I’m writing! (Also making the @dukethomasbigbang as amazing as possible sign ups are open now nudge nudge wink wink come join us lmao me and the mod team are very excited!)

Annnnnd I tag @ofwordsandroses @shamelesslypoetic @ghost-faeries @the-greatest-sun andddd @potato-reblob

[sargentr]

so i reread the dream thieves a while back and i wrote down some stuff i hadn’t really noticed/paid that much attention to. some of them are mere observations others are just me. Fangirling. as one does:

* ronan's first love was his family

* adam tried his best to make things work with blue, just like everything else he had tried in his life

* gansey is very well aware of his privilege and wealth 

* ronan has two weaknesses: niall lynch and adam parrish

* noah was there for ronan is ways not even ronan realized

* when ronan was filled with anger for a reason i cant remember, he relaxed a bit when gansey, beside him, answered his phone and said "hey" into it, meaning it was adam. (this is from ronans pov) like!!! theyre so comfortable around each other can i leave

* adam was so furious at gansey for thinking he had made the st agnes bill easier for him that he didnt realize that it had ronan written all over it

* gansey was such a light hearted and carefree person that there was not a single person in aglionby who did not know who he was. it is described that while others tried to fit in aglionby, aglionby fit perfectly in gansey. he was the type of person who the teachers would hold for a second after class to show him the article they thought he might like. HE’S BABY.

* gansey and ronan's relationship was not based on communication.

* adam always thought how beautiful all of gansey's things were.

* ronan lynch was one of those things

* gansey often reminded himself how niall lynch's death affected ronan

* ronan would rather die than kill adam

* the image of ronan trying (and lying) to take his life was scarred into gansey like ink

* gansey and ronan fought a night creature and fit perfectly as a team (gansey's pov)

* clue number two of non heterosexual ronan niall lynch: "(blue) wore a dress ronan thought looked like a lampshade. whatever sort of lamp it belonged on, gansey clearly wished he had one. ronan wasn't a fan of lamps."

* ronan lynch is completely and utterly himself the first time he steps foot in the barns

* RONAN REFERRING TO ADAM AS EINSTEIN

* ronan has no chill whatsoever omg when they're in the barns and checking to see if the animals are still alive blue asks ronan to check some of them and he replies to her and adam "you two poverty twins do it"

* confirmed: ronan lynch is a complete cupcake (eg: pressing the small mouse to his cheek to check the heartbeat)

* confirmed: richard gansey is a bigger cupcake for smiling ear to ear while doing the same

* !!!! "and it was his smile that buried ronan"!!!! (referring to gansey and the mouse)

* "... adam replied, his henrietta accent sneaking out, betraying his fatigue. it was something deeper." (ronan's pov)

* second confirm: ronan lynch is a Softie™ (eg: when they were about to leave the barns but ronan whispered so just gansey heard "can i go and see mom?" HE IS ALSO BABY

* OKAY BUT GANSEY AND RONAN THIS ENTIRE BOOK: "i remember when you used to smell like this" referring to when they enter the main house at the barns.

* "ronan loved it so much. he nearly couldn't bare it. he wanted to destroy something." (((this is about the barns. protect this sunshine)))

* when blue saw a picture of a bird in the barns and asked, "are these vultures or crows?" and adam and ronan replied at the same time, "vultures" "crows" NERDS

* "i am being perfectly fucking civil" still to this day, the best thing ronan lynch has ever said.

* "ronan looked at gansey. that look, blue thought. ronan lynch would do anything for gansey" claps slowly

* BONUS: "i probably would, too." thought blue

* matthew lynch was the only thing that made ronan come back himself

* niall left ronan (and only ronan) his entire property

* gansey shops when he's sad

* gansey and adam sharing a LOOK when orla comes in with skin showing

* blue had very few skin showing and gansey wanted to tell he how much he liked hers and not orlas, but then thinking "that's adam's job" what a bean

* how extra can ronan lynch get (a series): making a complete SCENE while opening his car door, sitting inside, closing the door, driving away

* gansey protesting so blue wouldnt go inside the water (bc baby boy probably couldnt handle blue seminaked) and using "you wont be able to see without your eyes getting irritated" as a point

* gansey getting all flustered and reminding himself he'd been looking at orla's naked body for so long but also: HER BIKINI IS SO ORANGE

* clue number two of non heterosexual ronan niall lynch: laughing his ass off about ganseys reaction of orla and said orange bikini

* jealous little blue being furious at gansey for just looking at her

* ronan's pulse fastening when thinking about kavinsky

* ronan smiling to himself and only doing so because there was no one to see it

* noah and blue holding hands at monmouth when gansey and ronan arent there okay look at those two

* "sometimes i pretend im him" "which part?" "alive" PROTECT NOAH CZERNY

* when blue was laying on ganseys bed she though "i have a crush on richard gansey" and the following "i dont have a crush on adam parrish"

* okay but the whole kissing scene is adorably cute and the best part of tdt

* BLUE THINKING "oh, this is what i can't have"

* MATTHEW AND RONAN VISITING THE BARNS AND BOTH OF THEM JUST BEING ADORABLE WITH AURORA AND EACH OTHER

* ronan racing kavinsky and having so many mixed feelings

* adam feeling misplaced in DC and constantly thinking of this fathers abuse and I Cried

* adam and gansey fighting and uhhh sorry dick but DAMN adam

* ronan dreaming he's in kavinskys car and not knowing if he loved it or hated it

* blue's voice over the phone taking gansey's mind off the fight he had with adam

* gansey listing the things ronan is inside his mind so he would be angry at him

* "ronan had charm. it was just buried deep. very deep."

* blue fucking sargent being the badass feminist she is when it didnt occur to adam that maybe blue was into politics

* "you wouldnt have gone someplace without gansey. you two make a grand couple. kiss him!" blue giving zero fucks to adam being douchely sexist

* okay first fuck you adam idiot parrish: "nice blue, gansey was right. you are a raging feminist" FUCK YOU

* okay adam losing his temper and literally thinking of hitting blue this is a matter of EMERGENCY

* ADAM STOP BEING A DICK OH MY GOD HE ALMOST FORCED BLUE INTO KISSING HIM THIS ISNDHDJDHDHD

* like ok i get Mans had a rough past n that violence is the only thing he knows but stief what was ur POINT with this part

* adams enemy being his anger. someone protect him from himself

* when blue and gansey are talking in the pig about adam and ganseys just full of hatred towards adam's parents, "who has he ever had to love him? ever?"

* okay but richard campbell gansey the third is a complete and utter SUNSHINE: when he's overwhelmed by blue and gets out of the pig and starts pacing and then realizing it was rudeish and APOLOGIZING like a fucking KING

* lmao gansey saying "i think he should come to terms with his sexuality" at kavinsky gift to ronan.

* "he wondered if kavinsky was gay. he wondered if she should go to the fourth of july party. he wondered where adam had gone" someone just. keep ronan close and hydrated and healthy and LET HIM BE GAY AND REST

* okay but ronan thinks about kavinsky in a matter that is completely and utterly non platonic

* "the grey man gently threw ronan across the breakfast table" nice maggie

* prepare for dialogue:

"theres nothing here k."

"theres only us. i know what you are"

"thats not enough"

"dont say dick gansey man. hes never gonna be with you. and dont tell me you dont swing that way. im in your head"

"thats not what gansey is to me"

"you didnt say you didnt swing that way"

RONAN SAID, "no, i didnt" ..... gay bitch

* ronan calling adam "adam" when he thinks they're in a dream and just then realizing he isnt

* "i know it was you. the rent, i figured it out" adam parrish just slipping information at the WRONG time

* "he was a brother to a liar and a bother to an angel, son of a dream and son of a dreamer" still to this day the prettiest thing ever

* HIS SECOND SECRET WAS ADAM PARRISH

* "adam furrowed his brows to ronan, as if sensing ronan's eyes on him. ronan looked away"

* im shook this book is so good

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

Yes do tell

ok so i dont remember the like... exact name of it but basically the premise was a guy walks up to a lady sitting on a bench (they dont kno each other at all) and hes like will u take my heart and shes like what no and the entire like. scene is just him telling her how devoted he’ll be to her and so forth and so on

and he asks her one last time and she takes his heart and hes like “can i have ur heart?” and shes like lol no and leaves

and im like. bro this could have been a good thing if u didnt write it so WHINY and fake deep

like. it happens, i know - unrequited love is a bitch. ive dealt with it waaay too many times. and offering ur all to someone and not getting anything in return also hurts like hell

but like... this dude is harassing this random woman to take his heart and expects her to reciprocate when she finally gives in and takes his heart, even tho he isnt owed shit because he literally harassed her into accepting his heart.

i wish i had a copy of the script on-hand with me because i cant remember all the specifics but it was just... it was so whiny. hes like ill please u during sex and blah blah and i was like wasnt this guy like. 17 when he first wrote this script. is he ok.

plus since then ive learned that 1. this dude is vaguely sexist while he thinks hes “woke” (he understands how women can, no matter how nice they know some dudes are, feel terrified of being taken advantage of, and then he turned around and complained when men werent “represented well enough” when the play we had read was about the women and how they had been treated by the men in their lives, shining the spotlight onto a female shakespearean character while reducing three guys down to very basic traits (one being literally called “rude boy” and the other reduced to their first initials)) and 2.hes... very touchy with a lot of ppl and im sure if u said “hey, stop” he would but like... bro, one of those girls has a bf and shes very obviously flirting with you and you know she has a bf, if she wont stop then you fucking should, trust me, ive been there and its awful

im basically sitting here like this is... not a good script. i vaguely like the premise but the fact its 1. super whiny (i.e. the ‘nice guys ALWAYS finish last’ feeling it gives me) 2. between two complete strangers and portrays the woman as being a bitch for rejecting him 3. im gonna be honest and say its written by a cis straight white dude so i automatically am a bit wary due to the subject matter, and it was definitely not written while consulting any women so :/

im not even gonna talk abt the director bc i have... too much to say abt her and i wasnt present to watch it be directed but i did reread the script two or three times so

[ao3feed-danganronpa]

If Things Were Different...

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3hy3AAl

by berriie

basically a talent swap au. the title is horrible ik sorry i have writers block, might change it sometime. i might not finish this because im not realy as interested in danganronpa anymore but its been sitting in my notes for months so i wanna post it. i like this concept though. spoiler warning (kind of? its a talent swap au so idk) have fun reading these 1k words of one of my best ideas ever. also i literally wrote this months ago

Words: 1434, Chapters: 2/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Super Dangan Ronpa 2, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: Gen

Characters: Hinata Hajime, Komaeda Nagito, Nanami Chiaki, Mitarai Ryota, Koizumi Mahiru, Saionji Hiyoko, Mioda Ibuki, Pekoyama Peko, Tanaka Gundham, Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko, Soda Kazuichi, Owari Akane, Tsumiki Mikan, Sonia Nevermind, Nidai Nekomaru, Hanamura Teruteru, Usami | Monomi, Monokuma (Dangan Ronpa)

Additional Tags: probably wont finish this, thats a warning okay, will add more tags as [if] it goes on, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, iM SORRY IF ITS BAD, No Beta We Die Like Me Inside While Rereading This, fic is in lowercase

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3hy3AAl

[nicorii]

The red hoodie

Hi! Me again, sense you liked my last fic, i thought I would contuine it.also, I know I wrote it, but I submitted it to you, would you be ok with me putting it on my AO3 account? Also, I’m on my phone so my typing is horrid. I wanted to explain a dumb joke I had in the last one,because when I reread it it didnt make aense much. During the small movie date, Kevin mentions a ’ Benjamin lumberjack’ that was a joke about benedict cumberpatch. Well, now onto the fic!

_____________________________

Odd. That is how Kevin would describe what he was looking at as. Odd. A gaint woman craved into the side of a cliff holding a house in its hands, and it sat next to the ocean.it was odd for sure. He knew jamie delivered the mail our here, but when Kevin helped, jamie ahd already delivered by then, so he didnt know until now were the kid lived.

Oh yeah, the kid. Steven was his name. He ruined everything Kevin worked for. Kevin grinded his teeth together and pulled at the purple acarf on his neck.

The scarf Jamie gave him the first day the hung out together.

Kevin took a breath and kept a hand on the scarf, it reminded him why he was here in the first place.

Kevin was here to apologize.

Its not like he did anything wrong. The kids tricked him when he only wanted to dance, and they became obsessed with him after he beat them in a car race, but they had to ruin everything. And if Kevin wanted jamie back….

He had to play like he was the one at fault.

“Forget it kev, jamie isn’t worth this….” He told himself as he walked closer to the building he saw the little girl -Connie was her name (and no he didnt stalk her…he just followed her when he happened to see her walking to the beach.he needed to apologize anyways so…not stalking) -walk in a few minutes ago, so he knew they were both there. 

“He is just a drama queen, someone who is obsessed with you. You dont need him, he is not worth telling these brats sorry too.."Kevin muttered to himself as he climbed the stairs and stood at the screen door.

"Who are you kidding Kevin…jamie is worth everything…” He slowly knocked on the screen door. From his place on the deck, he could see. A kitchen, couch, a weird crystal pad, and stairs going up to what looked like a bed that the two kids sat on and watched tv. The curly hair boy yelled"coming!“ As he hopped onto the couch and ran to the door smiling.

He wasnt smiling when he saw who it was.

"Keviiiiiin…."he hissed at said boy.

"Hello to you too kid.” Kevin returned the greeting. Connie came down the stairs when she heard who it was. Glaring at the taller boy through the screen, she balled her fists and put them on her waist.“and what are YOU doing here?”

Kevin met her eyes with ease and crossed his arms.“look I came here to tell you two something. I rather not tell you but I have to.” The two kids shared s look them returned their gazes at Kevin.

“So…what do you need to tell us?” Steven asked. Kevin took in the breath and looked out to the ocean, thankful for the view into blue nothingness.

“I’m….sorry.”

Silence filled the air.

The screen door opened and Steven pointed to the couch.“you can take a seat,"  althought it sounded like a request, Kevin caught the undertone of a demand. He walked in and sat on the couch, watching the two stand on the other side of the low table, looking at him.

"Why are you apologizing now? And you’re apologizing to the wrong person.” Connie stated, Kevin watched as the two kids took hands,did a short dance, then glow.

Stevonnie stood in front of him.

“Alright….I’m listening…jerk.” Crossing her arms, she stared down Kevin with eyes he couldn’t meet this time.

“I said I’m sorry, alright? I…was a jerk like you said.” Kevin hated saying this, but he knew he had too. He remembered chas had lines like this, were he had to act out of character and sound like he meant every word. Maybe Jamie could have taught him some acting after all, now he just needs to use it.“I invaded your personal space at the rave” use words they said before, when they tattled to jamie,“ I wanted to dance but you didnt want to. I’m sorry. During the race I…got upset. And claimed you were wrong when I was in the wrong instead…so I’m..sorry. Can you er….forgive….me?” It physically pained him to say these words, it really did. He pulled at the purple around his neck. He would take any pain if it meant he could be with Jamie again.

“You think its over just like that? You made me really uncomfortable at that rave and you were a jerk to a lot of people in town at the race aswell. Why do you want to apologize now? After so long why now? It doesnt make sense…” Stevonnie had a softer tone now.

Kevin,sighed.“would you believe me if I told you?” He didn’t see any other choice but the truth, he really didn’t. He put his head back on the couch and put his hands on his face.“ The truth is, if I don’t apologize to you, ive lost the one person i care about more than myself.”

He was silently insulted by the gasp that followed.“you care about someone more then yourself?! I didnt think that was possible…” The disbelief was audible in Stevonnie’s voice. Kevin lifted his head to give a glare.

“Yes, it is possible, and I wouldnt apologize to you if I didnt have to, but it is the only way he will even talk to me agian."He stood up and pulled still his scarf. This was pointless, they wont forgive him and he will never get jamie back."forget it, im leaving.” Kevin walked past them to the door

“Ill forgive you.” Stevonnie said as he reached the door. Kevin froze in place at the surprise of those words.“if you do one thing…”

He should have seen the catch coming.

_______

“Couldnt I write, I dont know, cards saying I’m sorry’ instead?” Kevin questioned as Connie and Steven set up a microphone on the theatre stage.

“Nope!” Came the overjoyed relpy, followed by giggling. Kevin held a microphone as people began to take their seats in the foldable chairs. He saw a lot of familar faces, which is common in a small town,like beach city, but many were of people he was mean too. He saw the French fry guy who can’t dance, and the pizza twins. He saw sour cream, the one name he knew in the crowd and didn’t hate, and a guy named buck, who took his role of chas. The blonde donut girl and tall bean pole were sitting next to each other. He saw the mayor in a chair and remembered calling him washed up once. Kevin’s eyes scanned over the people until they rested on a fluffy haired mailman within the crowd. Kevin looked at Jamie’s confused face starring at him. He pulled at the scarf agian, it was slowly turning into a nervous habit. If he wanted jamie back, he had to do this.

One thing was for sure though…

These kids were evil.

“Ladies and gentlemen!” Steven announced, doing jazz hands.

“Kevin has something he wants to say to all of you! Without further a-due…” Connie jazz hands too.

“Kevin!” They jazz hands at Kevin before running off the stage..

Silence fell over the audience as Kevin stood there, just holding the microphone and pulling at his scarf. 

He didnt want to do this, he hated this. Why should he have to do this to be forgiven? It was unfair to embarrass him like that…

But from the crowd, Kevin saw jamie give him a smile,,the smile jamie made when Kevin was nervous about his lines during rehearsal. A smile jamie had for Kevin that told him he would be ok, even if he messed up.

Kevin missed that smile almost as much as he missed Jamie’s smile when he saw Kevin wearing his scarf.

Yeah…Kevin had to do it.. It was for jamie after all.

“Hi I’m…im Kevin.” Wonderful opening, Oscar worthy, really.“ I know uh..dumb way to start.but uh..I’m uh…sorry? I guess? Look im still figuring out how to say this..I was a jerk to…well to everyone really…and honestly? I don’t care if I was a jerk, but I…I see now that if I’m not…less of a jerk…I don’t get the person i care about, ill always be second best…when I am the best.” What? Kevin is still Kevin, you think he isnt going to brag?“look what I’m saying is…I am sorry…for all the mean things I have said, and all the mean things I have done. I’m..working on being better….” Kevin,began to take off his hoodie.it was his favorite one. It was red and comfy, never too hot, never too cold when he wore it. Plus, it was very fashion forward.

“A few weeks ago…I was given this purple scarf…and I uh..I never gave a gift back in return for it…” Kevin saw Jamie’s look of surprise as he mentioned the scarf.“so uh..jamie if you..want it..uh..here?” Kevin held the hoodie out off the stage towards the silent crowd. He looked off to the side. Kevin didn’t see the movement nor hear the footsteps of someone coming near him. He didnt look over until he felt a pull on his hoodie. He turned and his eyes met Jamie’s. Jamie came up to get his hoodie. As Jamie’s pulled on the hoodie a bit, he gave Kevin a brand new smile.

“Thanks Kevin, I really like your hoodie.” Kevin gently let go of the red hoodie and watched jamie put it on. Kevin was bigger than Jamie, so the jacket was a little long, but Jamie was cute nonetheless. Kevin now understood why Jamie gave such a cute smile when he saw Kevin wesronf his scarf. It was sweet to see someone wearing something you gave them.

“I like you.” Kevin,said into the microphone.

Who would have knows it could get even more silent?

Buck slid sour cream a ten as Jamie looked up at Kevin.

“Oh I like you too.” Jamie smiled, being the oblivious,person he most likely isn’t.

“Jamie if you make me sing a love song from a musical to get you to understand that my ‘like’,for you is a. 'love’ I will throw myself into the sun.”

The crowd broke into soft whispers as Jamie blushed. Steven ran over and took the microphone.

“Ok so uh..who all forgives Kevin?” Slowly, hands began to go up around the audience, followed by some small comments,of 'i will forgive him c u s see this is cute AF'  soon everyone hsd forgiven Kevin and connie took the microphone.

“ok have a nice day! you can so leave now.”

Soon everyone had left and Kevin was left with Jamie.

“I apologized to everyone for you. Like you said, you dont owe me anything ,but I do love you.” Jamie was as red as stevens shirt.

“I…havent thought about you like that..”

Kevin sat on the stage and shrugged.“its fine, I figured you hadn’t, but now you can think about me and see if I’m the JD to your veronica.” He winked. Jamie blinked.

“Kevin, have you even seen heathers the musical?, Kevin shook his head.

Nah,just looked up some theatre couples and I figured it sounded romantic.”

“Yeah…we are going to my house to see exactly why they are not a good couple to try to copy.”

“Oh so I get a date already?” Its Kevin, if he doesn’t play cool, he will probably combust right now.

Jamie sputtered our a “t..thats not what this is"v before turning to walk away. Kevin grabbed the hood and pulled Jamie back, placing a kiss on his cheek. 

"Alright, alright, lets go watch heathers the musical.”

Jamie blushed all the way to his house as Kevin drove them there.

One thing w a for sure, jamie didn’t see this twist ending.

——–

Annnnnnd done!,I know its shorter then the last one, but I figured it would be funny. Steven and connie, in my opinion, would totally make Kevin apologize to the full town because he was s jerk to the citizens in town a lot probably. Buck and sour cream had a bet going on if Kevin was into guys of not, cause he spent s lot of time with Jamie lately. Sour cream won. Yeah bur if you dont mind, I would like to post these to mt ao3?

Submitted by: @sockpansy

yO I REALLY LOVE THIS????? YES PLEASE? Kevin meeting up with Steven and Connie to apologize was my favorite part omGG. The rest of it was so sweet I’m gonna cry, and I nearly loST IT WHEN KEVIN REFERENCED HIM AND JAMIE AS VERONICA AND JD ASDFGGJKL. IT’S YOUR AMAZING WORK, OF COURSE YOU CAN POST IT.

[radspiderlily]

august 18, 2018 was the last time i wrote something here. 

the age on my blog still says 21. it’s not like that matters. every age in your early 20s is the same. i am in my 20s. i am young but i am an adult. i can do anything. but i am not doing anything. i still need support. i can’t survive. and if i can survive, it will be overworking myself, or giving my life away to food service. 

from time to time i remember that girl who died and i look up her memorialized facebook and there’s always new posts. and it always gives me a sick feeling yet i can’t stop scrolling. i’ll never know what happened to her, not that i have to, or that it would change anything. i never knew her. she was older than me, and now I am older than her. it’s fucked up. i don’t know what to make of it. it’s fucked up. laura must feel that, but amplified. i don’t know how i would deal with that. i’m getting choked up just thinking about it. 

the world is full of awful people and awful people in power and. what can i do. just cbt. just tell people to sleep well and eat well so they wont be depressed. while in the back of my mind i will always wish i had their courage to die.

i don’t know how i will deal with the disgusting pain of raising a child into a world that i know is fucked. i don’t see hope, or humanity. i see only individual happiness, not collective happiness. and there will still be hurricanes. and still be earthquakes. one could happen right now and end me. we will suffer through maría again and again and again until there is nothing left to swipe away. and i hope to be long gone by then

i cant talk to anyone. i can’t cry in my own home. dad might come any minute to check on me. or have a snack. or just sit down on the couch and try to get sleepy. i’ve never understood why he does that

i want to catch fish on animal crossing but i don’t want to. i don’t want to. i just want to have accomplished that. 

it hurts a lot and i don’t want to go through this again. everyone is tired of my shit and i can’t blame them. i just want to dissociate so much that i don’t have to deal with this anymore. since i can’t die. 

just today i reread a letter from futureme dot org, one i sent to myself in january 2015 to august 2015. hopeful. kind. telling me to be okay. i want to tell her, I am okay. 17 year old me, i’m okay. im past my teens, i’m 23. i’m 23. and i will keep getting older. unless i don;t. in any case it will all keep hurting. and i can’t even cry about it. 

i scroll down my real tumblr and there is so much beautiful art there and people creating content and it is all pointless. 

everyone is tired of it. it’s just the quarantine they say, nobody has anything new to say. but that’s not right. that doesn’t explain it. and then the dead brain excuse. and then me turning into miranda with accusations and feeling horrible the second i realize. and there’s always that excuse. im sorry im just brain dead today. yeah. i know. i have seen this before.

it’s hard to even keep writing because it just hurts without having anything to talk about. im just thinking about things to make sense of how i feel but i dont. these are not the reasons. i can’t reach the reasons. i have reached the point that i’ll overwhelm even laura. and i feel. so bad. i feel so bad. and all i can do is wait it out alone. with myself. maybe i will feel sorry for past me when i read this in the future. 

i could be writing all this in my diary but why bother. hands and pens and pencils. hurt. 

i could do sudoku until i fell asleep maybe.

[itsbetterthananal]

a bunch of you said you would be interested in hearing about some of the things i do to take notes and study in college so i thought i’d put together a little something. i cant emphasize enough how these are just things that work for me and aren’t guaranteed to help you and im not saying these are necessarily better ways to study because i know some of you wont find these helpful to your situation but this is just my way

Note-Taking

1. Buy a 5 subject notebook. 3 subject and single subject also work but I prefer a 5 subject because then I can just have one (or 2) notebooks that I throw in my backpack every day. That way, im much less likely to forget my notebook like I would if im having to switch out notebooks every day, and I wont have disjointed notes

2. Have proper supplies for taking notes. For me, these means a pencil, a notebook, and an array of different colored highlighters. For others, pens or other utensils may help, but I find them extra. For each class i only bring a single pencil and a single highlighter (different color for each class)

3. Determine if your professor is a powerpoint kinda person (those who put most of the information in words on the slides) or a lecture kinda person (those who put few words on a slide or have no powerpoint at all). In my experience most professors will put a lot of information on the slides, but some dont. 

if they do put most words on a slide, write it down in full if you can. I know they say you shouldnt write everything on a slide but if its new information it will make more sense to you written in a full sentence when you read it back while studying.  If you arent given enough time to write it all down, skim for bullet points, or if you have the opportunity to go back on the slides later, make a note to come back to that section and copy it down. If you’re in a slump that day in class and have access to the powerpoint at home, listen and go back later to copy down the information you missed.

(example of writing things down in full or nearly full sentences, usually verbatim from slide)

If they dont put words on a slide, you have to do a bit more work. If the professor just puts up the headers of what theyre gonna talk about, just write down the first one before continuing. that way, you have room to put down the information under the first header. To understand when the professor is moving on to a new subject, listen out for indicating words, such as next, however, etc. start a new header. Leave an extra line or two around this section of information, as professors without information written out will often forget certain points and come back to it when they remember. If you miss any information, simply move on. Dont miss information because you’re trying to copy someone elses notes immediately.

4. Spaces and indents. Im pretty inconsistent with my spacing and indentation within my notes, but there are some rules that i follow to keep organization. When a subject changes, or I think a subject is changing as the professor goes along, skip a line and start a new section. This is usually indicated easily on a slide, but if listening listen for a new definition having nothing to do with the past information. Having chunks within the notes allows your brain to separate the information and begin chunking it, which means you will start to associate the information to do with that one subject. If you accidentally create a new chunk when the subject is the same, just indicate in the margin that it is a continuation of the subject, or a subsection. That way when you come back to it you can go aha, yes, this is actually all just one big thing of information.

Indentation is another thing im inconsistent with stylistically, but important. Always always always indent if the information is a subsection of what you are talking about, or describing the thing above it. Even if you have to indent 4 times within one chunk. this indicates to your eyes that there is information within the subject that needs to be remembered, and again your brain can begin chunking it. theres no specific type of mark i make for indentation, i consistently switch between dashes and bullet points, making sure not to use one under the other to confuse myself.

(ex. of indentation and chunking. i switch between dashes and bullet points to indicate information within information)

5. Highlighting. important to understand how, when, and where. Highlighters are my biggest helpful tool when it comes to studying. Firstly, i get a different colored highlighter for each subject, so that I dont have to get confused when going back to study on where i need to go. Then, as the lecture goes on, I highlight all the opening headers or information that I think will be of importance/what most of the examples are about. This is easy when professors have words bolded in their powerpoints, but sometimes you have to be more active in listening if the professor doesnt use a powerpoint. you can always go back to highlight stuff, so dont go overboard. If you are unsure on whether something or not should be highlighted, wait and highlight whats important later once the professor has gone over the information. The reason i do this is so when im going back to study, my eye will immediately be drawn to information that I need to know and understand, rather than being overwhelmed by a whole page of text or cluttered examples with no indicators. Dont worry too much about going overboard with the highlighter at this point, sometimes you feel like long sentences are meant to be important and can highlight the whole thing. This will be fixed when you come back around to study. Please note that other tools such as colored pens or underlining can be used for this but highlighters work better for me, underlining makes more clutter.

(ex. of using highlighter to draw the eye to things of importance. This was important in my statistics class because theres a lot of cluttered numbers and examples in my statistics notes that ended up not being important but just classwork)

6. You gotta pay attention. even if that means you gotta take breaks. sometimes in class you’re burnt out and cant fathom even writing stuff down. just listening will never do you any harm. sometimes I have to check social media for a few minutes before tuning back into the lecture just to give my brain a second to breathe. videos are a good time to do this. try your best to find a way to concentrate for the most amount of time. that doesnt mean you have to concentrate the entire time. many times in class i have stopped taking notes and just listened while playing games on my phone, because sometimes thats what you need. but try your best not to unfocus from whats being talked about. Better to have 80% of the information received by your brain and let 20% not make its way through than to half ass it and only have some of the information stored. 

Studying

1. Find your prime studying environment. This could be in silence (the library), with some background noise, with tons of noise, with music, outside, or any other kind of environment. Where you study and under what conditions make a difference in how well you proceed. For me, my prime study environment is either in silence or with some background noise, but i absolutely cannot focus if people are extremely loud or there is music playing. I often will sit at the desk in my room with an old lets play playing in the background, similar to leaving the tv on something you dont really care for. This keeps my brain from getting completely bored and burnt out, which can happen when im studying in silence. Pick a place where you know someone wont come up to distract you. we all know our brains will do anything to get out of studying

2. Have another smaller notebook/section dedicated to studying. A lot of my studying involves rewriting information. you will need some sheets of paper, and having a notebook or a section of a notebook will help you not forget your stuff when you go out to study. I usually will just use a single notebook or a section of a notebook that was not filled up from the previous semester.

3. Condensing. a.k.a the actual studying part. Condensing involves taking the information you wrote down in your notes and condensing it down into much smaller chunks. By doing this, you are forcing your brain to a) reread over the information, b) determine what from that information is important and connected to your chunk, and c) rewrite the information in a way that is better understood by you. This starts by rereading the first chunk of information and writing down the subject and key words/phrases from the sentences you wrote. Basically instead of writing “when first observing a crime scene, the first responder must be attentive to all details of the home inside and out. they must also be careful to not to contaminate any possible evidence that may be there” you write “observe scene - attentive, dont contam”. Its the same information, just condensed, and since you already read the full sentence to get the words, the condensed bullet point makes sense to you. This is where you take those highlighted parts of your notes and break them down to their basic information. Also, if an area of text isnt highlighted, more than likely the information in there is extra and wont necessarily be in the test. Better to concentrate on what you /know/ will be important because the professor bolded it on the presentation, and leave those areas unless you know you are certain you know the skeleton of the subject. 

(an ex. of condensing information. this put about 5 pages of notes into one page. highlighter while studying is optional because it can get messy and cluttered, but i continue to highlight each term/section i need to know just to reemphasize it in my brain)

this can get messy if you’re not careful. Keep the indentation from your original notes. arrows are a great way to show a progression of steps or information in a short manner. If you dont understand something or are missing a bit of information, put a question mark next to it in your study guide to indicate you either need to go back to your notes or ask a professor/google what tf is going on there.

This is a lot of work. it is time consuming. you have to rewrite a lot of stuff. sometimes you may not be able to condense all your notes before an exam. Sometimes you may only get through a few pages before quitting. thats okay. even doing this for some of the info you learned can help you learn it a little better. when rereading the information it can go in one ear and out the other but rewriting the information forces you to focus on it. 

4. Diagrams. usually best in science related classes for me, and often provided in a powerpoint slide. I use diagrams and drawings frequently in my biology notes to make sense of something. For instance, when I was in my cell biology class, I drew out the processes of the citric acid cycle rather than just writing the progression in bullet points, because it helped me understand what was going on with all the chemicals and such. Drawings of processes can help you envision the process which can help recall when it comes to tests

(ex. of a diagram that was provided in my human factors psychology class. placing information like this can help those who are picture oriented when it comes to learning)

5. Allow yourself breaks. after youve been going for a while your brain can whine and go no more!!! so go get some food. or take a shower. or watch a yt video. or check your social media. your mental health should not be ignored. plan certain times to study in the future and stick with them. after 15 minutes come back and see if you can still focus. sometimes a quick break is all you need. offer yourself an award if you get through a certain amount. after finishing studying for my midterms i would always go and buy myself a starbucks frappucino. 

thats about it really. I hope some of these tips can help some people. for me condensing and rewriting has gotten me all A’s for the past 3 semesters. your brain loves some solid chunks of information. feel free to reblog for reference if youd like! and let me know if you want me to make more education related posts

[noonmutter]

Mending Broken Wings pt. 2

"For now, ya 'ave yer 'omework from last time we talked, but..." Darlain dug through her purse and produced a small notebook, and a proper worgen-sized pen, usually used for occupational therapy. "This li’l guy will keep ya focused, and 'opefully, will 'elp ya figure out the where, and what leads up tae 'avin yer anxiety. Fer starters fer this week, every time them thoughts get tae the point ya can't focus, the self-critical and nasty stuff ya tell yerself, I want ya tae write it down."

Leon looked a little dubious, to say the least. "A... diary?"

"Nae exactly. More a record or list. Yer learning, figuring things out, and analyzin, so tae speak."

He didn't seem to quite be on board with that, still eyeballing the pad and pen like they might bite him. "Y'want me t'stop an' scribble down ev'ry one o' those?”

"I'd like ya tae try, yes. If it's keepin ya up a night, drivin ya crazy, getting tae the point where it persists, put it tae words."

”What if it's another one o' those..." He fumbled for a minute, wiggling his fingers slowly in the direction of his temple. "If I forget?"

"If it 'appens it kinnae be 'elped. I know the memory is probably the most distressing thing in yer life, but I feel like we need tae work on the fundamentals and work our way up. As fer making sure ya remember after it passes, let’s go with... " She took the notepad and wrote on the front and back. 'Important: Read this, Leon.’

"Just keep it on ya, lad, and tell yer wives tae make sure nae tae 'ave ya leave it around. Kin leave yerself messages if it gets bad again, even.”

One clawed hand curled into a loose fist and uncurled again, over and over, while he bit his lip. "They're gonna see 'em?"

"No, and I'll make sure tae tell them tha myself. It's very important that they do not read it. This is yours. I'm just up fer warning them tae get it to ya if somethin' 'appens.

"If it's important enough tae ya that you'd rather they don't know about it, then that's yer call, lad."

He hadn't been making much eye contact since he first arrived, but he’d graduated to deliberately looking at things besides Darlain. "I just... it'd... they'd get upset."

Darlain got up from her chair and walked up to Leon. "Just you and me, lad. I promise. Keep it yers, and only yers."

"I just don't wanna bother anybody. Upset anybody."

"Ya wont bother me. This is what I’m for, 'ealin."

Despite being right in front of him now, Leon was doing his damnedest not to look at her. "Not you. Pin. Kaewynn. ... Pin thinks she's... Ev'rytime I, I 'ave a --moment, she thinks it's 'er fault. Tha' she's pois'nin' me. Us. Kaewynn doesn't know what t'do at all an' it's killin'er." Finally, he looked down at the notebook in Dar's hand, and tapped it with a claw. "They see that, what's gonna 'appen?"

Dar sits down beside him, "Alright, walk me through your worst case scenario on this. What do ya think will 'appen if they find this?"

He only blinked for a few seconds. That was not a response he got much. Once his super happy funtime thoughts had percolated for a second or two, he tucked his knees against his chest and wrapped his arms around them. This looks exactly as ridiculous on a worgen as it sounds. "Pin'll leave me. 'Fer my own good.' She'll do it. She wants to. Kaewynn... Iunno what Kaewynn'd do. I don't think she knows what she'd do. She's just...driftin', lately, an' it's like th' more she realizes she doesn't 'ave an answer th'arder it is for 'er t'do anythin' at all."

There was likely more; his face all but screamed 'I'm thinking about nightmares' but he wouldn't open his mouth again.

Darlain nodded. "Okay, I'm gonna go a'ead and tell ya why that's nae gonna 'appen. Far as I'm concerned, in terms o' shock value, the incident in the kitchen was far more shocking and y'all made it through that. With some scars, aye, but our talks, and this exercise are something that Pin specifically was pushin’ fer ya to do. She isn't gonna be upset by you doin the work tae 'elp yerself."  She paused. "Kae's a bit like you then, i'm thinkin, she's scared but a bit lost, and workin on 'erself.

"Thats gonna be something yer gonna 'elp 'er with, but workin on yerself will let ya 'elp 'er work on 'erself."

Before Darlain got halfway through dissecting his statements, he'd started shaking his head, and he'd dug his hands into his mane and left them there by the time she finished. If he were actually angry, he'd have been best described as 'seething,’ but it's fear, not anger. "I've put 'em both through so much. Too much."

Darlain frowned and got in front of him, grabbing both sides of his head and looking right in his eyes, "Leon! Listen. To. Me." It was probably the first time he'd ever heard Darlain pull an authoritative voice on him. Attention: got. 

"Do the work. It's nae easy, it's nae fun, it's nae fast. Do it." She held out the pen.

For a little while, all he did was stare back at her, but eventually, his fingers closed delicately around the pen.

Darlain gave him an approving nod, then walked to the kitchen to putter around. Mostly to give him some degree of privacy.

He watched her go, then looked at the pen in his hand, then at the notebook. Not much seemed to happen, as far as she could hear from the kitchen, but he picked up the silly thing and started to write.

‘Write down the self-critical and nasty stuff you tell yourself’. Immediately I saw their faces. Pin’s and Kaewynn’s. Rhiswyn. Terry. Random others, I forget who else. I saw their sadness, horror. Frustration. At their own impotence. At mine. At me. I saw their exhaustion. I make them so tired. I know how much easier their lives would be if they hadn’t settl chosen me. They do too.

Leon frowned, lifting his head when he heard a soft clank from the kitchen, but when nothing else happened, he cautiously resumed working. The brief pause caused him to reread the last sentence, frown to himself, and amend it.

I think They do too.

I want to be better but I’m not, and every time they see how much worse it is... they don’t know what to do. For a second it seems like they understand me the best they ever have, and they hate it. Understanding me is understanding hating me. They don’t want to hate me but they want to understand me.

I don’t know why.

I just want them to be happy. And I’m the reason they’re not.

I’ll lose them. They’ll be better off. But I’ll lose them.

Darlain was keeping an eye on him, but was mostly cleaning, washing and drying dishes and the like. It was only about five minutes before she returned. 

He jumped like he forgot she was there, closing the notebook immediately and tucking the pen inside it.

"That was my thwack on the 'ead fer this, I may 'ave more but like I said, part o' this is gonna be teachin ya tae get yerself outta that 'eadspace when ya start, and do some work. Even if ya screw up, once ya ride it out, you can think back on it and write."

"I-um--...yeah."

(( @shckaewynn @pinpep @rhiswyn for mentions ))