#i wrote this in like 2 hours last night so if it's awful im sorry but i feel better now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

honeybammie · 5 years

Text

burn › hwang hyunjin

↳ all you’ve been able to think about for weeks is your drunken kiss with hyunjin, but he doesn’t even remember that it happened. ↳ i guess this is fluff? it’s basically just,,heavy making out with jinnie ↳ wc: 3,751 ↳ hyunjin has been wrecking my bias list lately (sorry felix) and i rlly just wanted to write about making out with him so enjoy if ur thirsty like me

I have been avoiding Hyunjin for three weeks minus one day, which is the longest we’ve gone without talking since we were elementary schoolers, but after what happened last time we were alone, I can no longer look him in the eye without blushing a furious red and sputtering on my words. The easiest way to keep myself from turning into a fool is to avoid him entirely—not the best method, but it’s all I can think of.

Chan is having a party, like he does every so often, and there are enough people around that I think I can continue to avoid Hyunjin, since I know he’ll be there, too. He never misses the opportunity to mingle amongst friends and friends-of-friends. Part of his charm is being able to whisk people away with his easy, comforting smile and breezy laugh, and it works on everyone. Including me.

I attend because I know my best friends will be there and drinks won’t be far out of sight and I have to uphold my tipsy solitaire record. I haven’t lost a game in months, but for the past few weeks I’ve barely been drinking anyway, afraid of letting myself go and losing my senses like I did so recently.

I’m sure Hyunjin notices that I’ve disappeared. At first, he continued texting me as normal, but after I failed to reply to half a dozen messages, he stopped trying to get a hold of me. If he does see me at parties, he doesn’t approach. When I see him, I turn the other direction and distract myself with something else.

Unfortunately, whether or not Hyunjin realizes, someone else does. Jisung corners me in the kitchen as I’m sitting on the countertop, slice of pizza in one hand and plastic cup full of juice and rum in the other. Minho is trying to tell me a story, but he’s already had a few drinks and can’t keep his wires straight.

When Minho sees Jisung, he forgets his story entirely and throws his arm around his friend. “Jisung!” he exclaims. To me, he says: “Look, Jisung’s here.”

“I noticed,” I say, lips quirking into a smile.

Jisung is less concerned with Minho than he is with me, looking straight into me as he asks, “Can I talk to you? Alone?”

I raise my eyebrows, ready to object or ask why, but there’s a clear intent in his eyes that makes me realize he wasn’t really asking me to join him, but telling me to.

“Alone? Without me?” Minho gasps. “We’re not supposed to keep secrets!”

“It’s not a secret, it’s just…something important.” Jisung tries to come up with an excuse, but it still sounds like he’s talking about a secret. “Will you come with me?”

“Sure,” I agree, taking one last bite of my pizza and throwing the crust in the trash. I bring my cup with me, but on my way through the threshold I cast another glance at Minho. “Take it easy, alright? Drink a water or something,” I instruct, which he replies to with an enthusiastic thumbs up. I don’t know if he’s going to listen or not, but I don’t have time to confirm because Jisung grabs my wrist and leads me out onto the front porch, where no one is because everyone is either crammed into the living room or hanging out on the back patio or in the swimming pool.

“What is it?” I ask when Jisung releases my wrist. I take a sip from my cup. It’s still my first drink, despite the fact that the party is entering its third hour.

“Why are you avoiding Hyunjin?” Jisung demands.

I almost choke on the alcohol, and it burns hotter in my throat than usual. “What?” I feign ignorance, like I can somehow lie my way out of this one, but I already know I’m being backed into a corner.

“He’s been saying for weeks that you won’t speak to him. At first he thought maybe you were busy, and I told him to wait it out, but this is week three and it’s getting out of control. He says he can’t even find you when you’re both at the same party, so what the Hell is wrong?” Jisung is demanding, defensive, and I imagine the pitiful look in Hyunjin’s face, wondering what he did to upset me.

I bite my lip, pondering my next words carefully. “He really doesn’t know?” I ask Jisung. “Why I’ve been avoiding him…he has no idea?”

“Should he?” Jisung pressed. “All he remembers is that a few weeks ago, we were all at a party like this, and we were all pretty drunk hanging out on the couch, and then suddenly morning comes and you won’t even look at him.”

I had considered that Hyunjin might be avoiding me, too, but Jisung only proves that Hyunjin has no idea what happened, which should make it easier for me to go forward in our friendship, but the fluttering pit of my stomach forbids it.

“We kissed,” I admit, and it’s the first time I’m saying the truth out loud. I expected to feel like a weight was lifted, but the two words sit heavy on my chest. Jisung’s stare does nothing to help.

“You what?” He gathers himself after a few moments. “There’s no way. He’d remember.”

I shrug, trying to be nonchalant, but I’m almost certain my face is a half-dozen shades of pink. I can only hope Jisung doesn’t notice in the dim lighting of the porch lamp.

“Clearly he doesn’t, and I’d kind of like to keep it that way, but I can’t hold a conversation with him without thinking about…yeah.”

Kissing is an understatement, actually, but I don’t tell Jisung that.

Three weeks ago, ten of us were crammed on seven seat cushions, watching the newest episode of a shitty reality TV show we all liked despite being too drunk to follow along properly. Hyunjin had been next to me all evening, and I was quickly noticing that he was twice as affectionate when he was drunk, which was saying something considering how often he clung onto us in his everyday life.

I wasn’t sure if Hyunjin was doing it on purpose—laughing into my neck so that his lips grazed my skin, splaying his palm across my thigh and lingering there far too long for me not to notice, leaning into me so that I could smell his cologne and feel his taut figure underneath his shirt. I tried to credit all of these things to our close proximity on the couch, but that didn’t change the way my breath hitched every time he brushed close enough.

I excused myself to the bathroom, half because I actually had to go and half because I needed to clear my head of all of Hyunjin’s little touches. He did this all the time, I told myself. He was known for his constant want for physical contact, and he would’ve done the same things to any of the other guys if he had been next to them. Right?

The bathroom was attached to Chan’s bedroom. When I opened the door to return to the group downstairs, I found Hyunjin sitting on Chan’s bed, glassy-eyed and swaying a little bit, his center of gravity thrown off. He was completely harmless, but I almost screamed at the surprise, clinging onto the doorframe to keep my balance.

“You scared me,” I hiccuped. His attention was locked on me, eyes slightly hooded. I assumed he was tired, dazed, lost in a world of his own intoxication. “What’re you doing here?”

“This is the line for the bathroom, right?” He asked. The sentence came out in a singular word, spaces blended together, and he stood, stumbling towards me on unsteady feet, all of his dancer’s grace gone.

I don’t remember whether I answered or not. I tried to step out of his way, make room, but he stilled me by placing one hand over mine on the doorframe, his palm warm against the back of my hand. He was only steadying himself, I thought. If he didn’t hold onto something, he’d fall.

I meant to say something, but whatever it was left me when I looked up at him. Bottom lip caught in his teeth. Eyes scanning my face. I flinched when his other hand came to rest on my jaw, my pulse thick underneath, pumping blood and alcohol and maybe a flicker of courage.

He was staring with an intensity usually reserved for longtime lovers. That much I remembered, since it was my last thought before leaning forward and closing my eyes, welcoming him, silently begging, and he pressed his lips to mine and his fingertips held deeper into my jaw. He tasted like fruit, like alcohol diluted with pineapple juice because he didn’t like the burn. But I wanted the burn to swallow me whole.

I reached for the back of his neck, running a hand through the silky wisps at his nape, and for a moment I felt myself falling forward before I realized he was stepping backwards. Not pulling away, but pulling me along until we fell together. His back hit the springs of Chan’s bed with a dull thud, forcing us apart for a brief second. His chest was solid underneath mine, his body as intoxicating as the liquor coursing through both of us.

“Was that okay?” he asked, raspy. His eyes were still barely open, but he must’ve noticed when I gave a slight nod. “Can I do it again?”

“Please,” I mumbled, my mouth already aching to meet his again.

The coolness of his rings made me realize that he had worked his hands under my shirt, not yet roaming, but gripping my waist in silent need. When he pulled away to catch his breath, his lips ghosted against my collarbones, nose nudging the side of my neck. “You taste like cherries,” he said, and I sighed in response to him digging his nails so gently into the flesh of my sides.

When he readjusted his hands a couple inches to find the hem of my shirt, he looked me in the eye again, brown eyes almost black with the dilation of his pupils. “Can I take this off?”

I almost said yes, almost let him devour me. A million thoughts of drunken bravery flashed through my mind at once, all of them filthy. His chest and his lips and his hands and his—

And then clarity, just enough for me to push myself up, opening up a canyon between the two of us. We were in Chan’s bedroom, with all eight boys waiting for us downstairs, and we were in no condition for sex. Hyunjin sat up, vaguely confused, but already he looked like he had no idea what had happened. He needed to sleep, or drink some water, and in any case kissing me or sleeping with me should be at the bottom of his to-do list.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted out, fixing my shirt and running a hand through my hair so no one would notice what we had done. I gave no more comment, still running through the last couple minutes as I hurried out the door and back to the living room, completely oblivious to what was happening on TV.

“Took you long enough,” Changbin teased.

“I was fixing my makeup,” I lied, but no one would’ve suspected as such. None of them could’ve guessed on their own what had just happened, and they were so entranced by the show or by their drinks that I doubted any of them noticed I was gone a moment too long. And when Hyunjin returned a couple minutes later, I was the only one who looked at him, desperate for him to return my gaze, but he didn’t even sit next to me.

Now, with Jisung burning a hole into my head, I shrink into myself, all of the confidence from a few weeks ago gone. When I think of Hyunjin, all I can remember is his body beneath mine and his lips on the edge of exploring every inch of me, but he has no idea. He was probably off in the pool flirting with someone else while I was with Jisung.

“Do you…like him?” Jisung ventured when it was clear I wouldn’t give more details on my own.

“I…I’ve been trying not to think about it. We’ve all been friends since we were kids, and I can’t imagine ruining that. Maybe it’s best that I don’t tell him, you know?”

“And avoid him forever?” Jisung scoffed. “He deserves to know what happened so the two of you can work it out.”

“He was probably just pent-up and I was the closest person available. It probably doesn’t even matter,” I argued, but in honesty, I was terrified of telling Hyunjin the truth, terrified of him brushing that night off like dust. He had looked at me like kissing me meant something—like it meant everything—and having him forget was bad enough without him telling me that it was a mistake, that he hadn’t really wanted to.

“If you don’t tell him the truth, I will,” Jisung said. “He’s distraught that you won’t say anything, and you can’t lie to him. This is serious, and—”

“Fine, okay. I’ll do it.” I couldn’t stand listening anymore, and if anything was worse than Hyunjin telling me that kissing me was a mistake, it was losing him entirely. “Do you know where he is?”

“Out back. I’ll show you.” Jisung doesn’t drag me this time, but leads me through the house and to the stone patio in the backyard, lit up by string lights, and when I find Hyunjin amongst Woojin and a couple girls I vaguely know, he knocks the wind out of me.

“Wait, I changed my mind,” I blurt out, turning away to go back inside, but Jisung is too fast and grabs my arm.

“Hyunjin, over here!” Jisung calls, waving his hand. I despise him, but to keep unwanted attention off of me, I don’t struggle against him.

Hyunjin’s whole group glances over, and I hold my breath as he meets my eyes. His expression is unreadable, a far cry from his usual transparency. There’s no drink in his hand, I notice, and I wonder if both of us have been avoiding alcohol these past weeks.

He says something to the other three that I can’t hear, and Woojin pats him on the back as he goes. Hyunjin’s looking only at Jisung now, expression unchanging

“What’s up?” he asks, showing a faint smile, but it’s so forced I can’t stand it.

“We…need to talk,” I say because Jisung has gotten us this far and I know he’s not going to help any longer. “Can we go somewhere?”

I don’t want to be alone with Hyunjin, but having to explain in front of anyone else might turn me into ashes, so it’s my only option.

Hyunjin casts a wary glance at Jisung, as if asking if this is a trap, but Jisung nods toward the house, earning me a short, “Sure,” from Hyunjin. “Should we go upstairs?”

“That’s fine,” I say, but already I’m sweating. As I wind through the house again, I barely check over my shoulder to see if he’s following, and part of me wishes he wasn’t. I don’t know if I’m ready to be in Chan’s room with Hyunjin again, but I don’t have much of a choice and can’t think of another plan before we’re exactly where we were three weeks ago.

Hyunjin sits on the bed, waiting, just like before, but this time he’s waiting for me instead of the bathroom, and all I can do is pace the carpet.

“Are you going to explain why you haven’t spoken to me at all in almost a month?” Hyunjin asks, and I can’t tell if his tone is demanding or desperate.

“Are you mad at me?” is my first question. It’s the one that burns most in my head and if he’s already mad, I’m scared that the truth will anger him more.

“I’m…” he starts confident but trails off, his exterior starting to melt as his eyebrows crease together. “I’m confused. One night we’re best friends, and the next morning you refuse to talk to me, or look at me, or even be near me. I just…did I hurt you? Did I say something, or—”

There’s a fear in his eyes that has me standing in front of him in a heartbeat, anxious pacing forgotten. “No, no, Jinnie. You would never,” I cut him off, half-whispering. “You didn’t do anything wrong. We just…”

“We?” he asks, something new crossing his face, like his fear has met curiosity.

“We kissed,” I say, which is all I told Jisung, but I realize this is going to require the full story and I spit out words faster than I think of them. “When we were all watching that show, you kept touching me, and I tried to tell myself that you’re just clingy, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I came up here to go to the bathroom. When I came back out, you were sitting on the bed, and then you stood up and—” My voice catches. It’s only a memory, but in all of its shrouded haze, his eyes are still clear as day, and his lips soft and satin.

“And?” Hyunjin presses, reminding me what we’re here for.

“You kissed me. Or I kissed you. And you pulled me back to the bed, or I pushed you back to the bed, and you asked to kiss me again and I said please and we kept on kissing for…forever, probably. I don’t remember how long, and you asked if you could take off my shirt but then I remembered this is Chan’s room and we were so drunk, and I ran out and…yeah.”

“And yeah,” he echoes, and I step away to brace myself. I wish I had a way inside his thoughts so I would know what he intended to say before he said it. As things are, waiting is torture and stretches to infinity.

“I’m sorry,” I say even before he gets angry. “Neither of us knew what we were doing, but it’s okay if you’re upset or don’t want to talk to me.”

He runs his hands over his face once and stands, like his body is made of lead. “I can’t believe this,” he says, and I shuffle backwards one more step. I think I’m going to cry, a decade of friendship ruined by one mistake that I could’ve avoided. I was more sober. I should’ve stopped him before he had the chance to kiss me.

“I’m sorry,” I repeat, resisting the urge to run out again. I have to face whatever happens.

“Sorry?” he whispers. With every step backward I take, he follows, and I’m the one this time who can’t look him in the eye until he cups my chin with both hands and makes me. He doesn’t look angry, at least not with me. His eyebrows are creased and his mouth hangs a little lax and—don’t look at his lips.

“The first time I got to kiss you…and I don’t even remember it.”

I watch him harder, search deeper, and notice that he looks like he’s reaching for a memory that’s just out of grasp, and he can’t stand it.

“I’m so sorry.” It’s his turn to apologize, and I can’t figure out why. He lets go of my chin to reach for my hand, and I don’t look away, nor do I move when the tips of his fingers nervously brush mine. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long, and I wasted our first kiss when I was drunk.”

I barely understand what he’s implying. I’m not even sure he’s real until I reach my other hand to the back of his neck, a vaguely familiar territory. “Are you drunk now?” I ask because I’m afraid that the same thing will happen twice, that he will only want me when he can’t think straight.

“No.” He shakes his head. “I haven’t had anything since that night.”

So these are his sober thoughts. Part of me doesn’t believe him, but I have to. His regret at having forgotten makes me feel almost as bad as his anger would’ve. He’ll never remember our first kiss.

But he’s still looking at me with those eyes that remind me of lovers and I know that this is real and I have been holding my breath for three weeks while waiting for another chance.

“You can do it again,” I whisper in a voice barely my own.

I think he’s about to ask twice, but I don’t let him. Still holding the base of his neck, I bring him back to me, remind him how our lips fit together, and even if he doesn’t remember, his subconscious does, somewhere deep down, because he picks up where we left off, all needy hands and tongues and breathless sighs into my neck that prick my skin and send jolts through my spine.

I’m backed against a wall, hardly aware of how I got there, and Hyunjin is talking again.

“If we hadn’t been so drunk, and if we hadn’t been in Chan’s room, what would you have said?” he asks, balling the front of my shirt in his hand. The bigger question makes me dizzy, all of the blood in my head draining elsewhere.

“We’re still in Chan’s room.” I gasp when he presses a grasping palm against my hip. His face is disguised in the crook of my neck. His open mouth leaves a trail on my exposed throat, my collarbones, my shoulder.

He stops, briefly, to say, “Entertain me. If we weren’t in Chan’s room, what would you say?”

I didn’t realize before, but my hands are no less guilty than his. They have wandered from his neck to his jaw, down his torso so that I, too, am holding onto flimsy fabric, sinuous body underneath, one I have been picturing every day for weeks and dying to discover.

He’s patient as he watches, waiting for my decision.

“I’d say yes,” I tell him, burning all over, just how I want to be. “Please.”

#i wrote this in like 2 hours last night so if it's awful im sorry but i feel better now #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids drabbles #stray kids #stray kids oneshot #stray kids fluff #stray kids au #stray kids hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #hwang hyunjin imagines #kpop imagines #kpop fluff #kpop scenarios #kpop drabbles #kpop oneshot #kpop au #kpop fanfiction #stray kids fanfiction

318 notes · View notes

go-learn-esperanto · 3 years

Text

Survey answers until now:

This was so fun. There are a lot of answers and that's pretty pog! I'm not gonna include everyone but I assure you I've been reading all of them.

Edit: the resolution was awful. Sorry about that. Updated version now! :)

Now the text answers my beloved <3

Here are some of my favourites!

Mumza. On accident.

How do you cosplay on accident? 👁️👁️

Phil and say it's Urahara

200 IQ play right here

none but i wanted to tell you its not much better. im going as a Supernatural character smh

We really are on Tumblr.com

im doing rivals duo with my friend =]

cc!Ranboo basically. now it just sounds weird. I mean who dresses up as irl celebrities and not the roles they play? man. it just sounds cringe now

I'm gonna throw on a green hoodie, say I'm dream and call it a day B)

Put a plastic plate on it too and it's complete

I have a half-made Ranboo cosplay, but I'm also too old lol

DO IT. I don't care. Even if it's just for you to wear at home. Do it. Nobody it's too old to dress as things they like!

tubbo :D (not 2 self promo but ill be posting pics @starbug.png on insta 👀)

Check them out! :)

There's a bunch of Wilbur/Ghostbur cosplayers. I love you and the Grisn cosplayer very parasocially.

Also the Mumza cosplayers

I got my ex into mcyt a day or so before we broke up because he started to ignore me > - >

Well... That's.

Figured out one of my besties is into it bc I saw a sketch of the Llama Line by L'Targay

One of my irl friends is an OG dsmp fan, she was there the very first stream. It’s just fun to talk to her about stuff.

A group of 17 year old boys called me cringe at the publix selfcheckout bc of my quackity shirt and i laughed so hard that they got confused like. its not bullying if theyre right

This one. This one has to be my favourite. That's the spirit.

There is a girl in my class who I talked to very little. We were supposed to do an assignment based on a hobby we liked, so I chose MINECRFAT. After I presented this, she approached me after class and said she liked my presentation. She showed me some of her dsmp drawings, like the realistic ones based off photos. She fucking amazing at it and they’re incredible

i was having a rlly bad day at school and in maths class(my last hour of the day)my teacher started playing jump in the cadillac and i just started crying

I really don't want to laugh at your suffering but damn that's hilarious from the outside. I hope you're doing better now tho 💜

i showed my mom a ranboo video and accidentally reviled that i stole almost his every one of his speech patterns

In class, a guy compliments my Ranboo hoodie. I look at his hoodie and he’s wearing a Wilbur one. I compliment his as well. A girl nearby stands up and looks at us. She is wearing a Quackity hoodie. Somehow the universe has placed three Dream SMP fans together in the same class. The best part is you would never know we were fans without our merch. We could be anyone. We walk amongst the living

That makes me want to buy merch so bad

last night I wrote penis smp fanfic while sitting right next to my mom who doesn't think I swear. she could have looked at my screen at any time.

Asked “does a historical speech from a minecraft roleplay count?” For a kinetic typography assignment

Wrote a lyrical analysis on the l’manburg theme for a school project

the reason i didn't answer "mumbo jumbo" to the philza's wife question is because mumbo jumbo is too busy being a gay whore in last life. he's gay married but also flirts with every man he comes across

True. Absolutely true.

I literally saw an anti vaxxer on tumblr talking about how it's bad that Tommy and tubbo have to get vaccinated just to see each other irl

!! i have a VERY IMPORTANT FACT: niki nihachu <3 also dsmp women in general,, hannah niki puffy tina collab when pls give it to me its all i want in life,,,,,, also unrelated but im in a musicy mood listen to romance by yoasobi and watch the video trust me its stunning :]

Watched it! Really cool visuals! The music just brings me back to my VOCALOID fandom fase (not that is possible to love the VOCALOID fandom completly though. I definitely haven't.)

I’m making a Wilbur soot animatic based on The Fall by lovejoy and I hope I can get it finished by the 16th !!

Good luck!!! That's awesome!

im in this hellhole more than 1 year how am i still alive akpqpqlajwhoq give money

I have exactly one irl friend who watches dsmp n I'm the one who got her into it >:]

Evil >:]

"Im not gay I just can't read" - Jack Manifold

i just want to know why ranboo was at the red banquet, dressed up and wearing a blindfold . w h y

i can't wait for big lore to come back djfjdkkf

Same

Why must life give its hardest battles to its weakest warriors

Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Please help okay so the problem is "Let P be the set of all people who have ever lived and define a relation R on P as follows: for every r and s that are elements or P, rRs <-> r is an ancestor of s or r =s. Is R a partial order relation? Prove or give a counter example." It's definitely reflexive ince when s=r then s=r which is true. It isn't symmetrical since that would be weird as hell, I mean a grandparent cannot be the grandchild of their own grandchild that would fuck up the family tree even more than the DSMPs but like, how do I prove that mathematically? Like, if rRs and sRr then r = s but "if person A is either a grandparent or the same person as person B and person B is either the grandparent or the same person as person A then person A is person B" just feels like a weird sentence.

Just did the Komaeda checklist for c!Wilbur...

I don't wanna know. (I kinda do actually)

Catch me dual-wielding Hermitcraft and the Dream SMP… call me Hannah Montana cause I’m the best of both worlds

Same. Same. Call me Ariana Griande because I'm a-grian with you.

i just saw a post. soon, we will have enough tommy father figures for a mamma mia! au.

Months before I got into DSMP I had an internet friend interested in it and I was like "lol, nice, but could never be me" because I had gotten out of my 2016-2018 MCYT phase not that long ago at that point and didn't think I'd go back... Well...

ldshadowlady is a goddess amongst us all and we should recognize her as such.

True

HMMM well i messed up my eyeliner which has made me quite sad

Mumbo Jumbo could steal anyone’s wife

I always talk about wanting to bake bread again but I keep procrastinating. Same goes for writing fanfiction and stuff too. I have countless abandoned fics across all of the platforms I'm on, plus about ten that never made it out of Google docs or pure writer. I think I have a bit of a problem lol

I can assure you're not the only one. 👁️👄👁️

We all suffer from the procrastination problem. Don't put yourself down too much ok? You're doing that for yourself and if you don't feel like doing it then you don't feel like doing it. 💜

Wilbur with wings is unappreciated especially when you consider all the cool headcanons you can have for what they'd be like after his revival like skeleton wings or phantom wings or only wings DreamXD can see. Also ghostbur w/ blue melting/ evaporating wings *longing sigh*

That's pretty cool!

I figured out I was fine with any pronouns by brainstorming self insert dream smp fanfic

I have a huge crush on quackity

This one broke me and I don't know why. Every time I look at it I start laughing my ass off.

I got into it because of Woe to the People of Order

Oh, woe to thee, ye people of order

I hope your homes continue to smolder

And that you never rise again

And woe to those that called me a friend~

That's a badass way to join a fandom

I just miss Ghostbur man

Don't we all? (っ.❛ ᴗ ❛.)っ Have some blue

#mcyt #dream smp #dream smp survey #survey #mcytblr #There have been so many more between compiling all of this...#long post

15 notes · View notes

fletchphoenix · 4 years

Text

Just Another Varigo Coffee Shop AU

Um Hi! Im Fletch and this is my first post / first anything if I’m being honest. And it’s Varigo! I honestly simp so hard for this ship and kinda *okay really hoped* the spinoff would happen but oh well. In the meantime, I shall supply you with this!

------------------------------------------

This was gonna be a long week.

Fresh flakes of snow fell from the sky as Varian trudged down the street, only just out of his classes for the day. A frown covered his features as he finally took notice of the weather he was walking in. His bag weighted heavier on his back the more steps he took, containing various notebooks, textbooks and equipment he needed to use. For now, the snow only seemed to be a minor inconvenience. “I can make it back..” he muttered in reassurance.

Oh, how wrong he was.

Time passed and the snow got progressively more and more heavy. The wind started to howl and pick up in speed, howling and blowing ice cold air. He had to find shelter. Fast. That was when a quaint coffee shop caught his eye. With no other choice, the raven haired boy sprinted towards the store, threw the door open and slid inside.

The first thing he noticed about the shop was just how warm it was. It instantly erased the numb feeling in his limbs, replacing it with a relaxing heat. The scent of coffee engulfed his senses too - in fact it was all he could smell (not that it was a problem, it was mouthwateringly good. The smell alone made him want more). Tables were filled left and right, however he waded through the mass of people and sat down at the only available space - a booth by a window. Varian silently gazed out of the window.

He hated the snow.

it was snowing on THAT night. The night he put his dad in a coma. He didn’t even mean to - but he just wanted to make his dad proud of him for doing something good, but it didn’t work. He tried to get help for them from Eugene’s girlfriend. He begged. Hell, he even ran through a snowstorm to find them. He couldn’t even feel his hands or feet by the time he got there. But no one helped. That night made him do some awful things..how could they ever forgive him? Did they even forgive him? What if they hated him? What if- What if- What if-

“Hey, can I sit here?”

Varian’s thoughts were halted in an instant as he looked at the source of the voice. The man was tall - most likely around his age - and looked down at him with his mouth tilted in a smile, an eyebrow raised. Blonde locks were styled into an undercut with the top part tied back into a ponytail, and emerald eyes that studied him were framed by a pair of obnoxiously big glasses.

“I’m sorry, what?” Varian asked, a look of confusion on his face.

“Can I sit here? The shop’s full and I noticed only you were sitting here so...” the blonde’s words died out, smiling as Varian gave him a nod of confirmation. “Great.” he said with a wide smile, sitting down in the booth opposite him. “I noticed we go to the same university. I’m Hugo Atkinson.”

“Varian. Varian Ruddiger.” He replied with a small nod, glancing out of the window again. Snow still fell outside, showing no signs of relenting or stopping at all. A sigh left his lips as he turned his head back to look at his newfound companion, only to find him staring. “Are you okay?”

“Chemistry in senior year. You sit at the back. Professor Xavier. Am I right?” Hugo smirked, not waiting for a reply. “I knew I recognised you! Hey, let me get you a drink. What do you want?”

“Uh...vanilla latte. One sugar, please.”

“On it, short stuff!” The blonde replied, hastily moving out of his seat and hurrying to the counter before Varian could retaliate. Did he just..call him short? Really? Varian groaned and rested his head on the table. NOW he remembered who he was. The memories flooded back to him of the relentless teasing he’d endured throughout the last year along with the annoying comments. Why did he have to reunite with him of all people? Did the universe just hate him that much?

“He’s certainly changed...” Varian mumbled under his breath. And he had. He wasn’t at ALL unattractive, his face perfectly fit with defined cheekbones, a lanky structure and vibrant, green eyes he could just get lost in...NO! None of that! He knew what Hugo was like. How he dated around and broke hearts of anyone relentlessly in senior year. Nope. Varian was not having any of that, thank you very much.

A few moments later, Hugo came back with two drinks in hand before settling down opposite Varian again with a smile on his face.

“Hope you didn’t miss me too much, hairstripe.” he chuckled, laughing when Varian lunged to punch his arm. “Ow! I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’ll stop.” Hugo settled down, taking a sip of his coffee. “So...what brings you here?”

“Just the snow. It’s way too strong to walk in so I decided not to push my luck.” He replied, taking a sip of his latte. It was perfect, the warmth spreading throughout his body. Coffee was simply the best in weather like this - the taste of vanilla reminding him of how Rapunzel makes them.

“Me too.” Hugo muttered and raised the cup to his lips again, his free hand moving and tucking a section of his fringe behind his ear. “My mom should be coming to pick me up soon, though.” He added quietly, a dark look appearing on his face before disappearing just as quickly as it came. “Anyway, that isn’t important. How’s everything been?”

“The usual. Boring...only thing that’s keeping me busy is the chem work we’re getting.” He groaned and rubbed at his eyes, yawning before sipping his coffee again. God, this coffee tasted heavenly.

“Me too. My engineering work is stressful as hell.” Hugo complained and slumped back in his seat.

Varian paused and looked Hugo in the eyes. “Let me look. I’ll help you out and you can help me with my chemistry, Deal?”

Hugp paused for a moment, considering his offer before standing and shuffling to sit in the booth right beside Varian. Reaching into a previously unseen bag, he dropped 2 pens, 2 pencils, and a notebook onto the spruce table. “Okay Ruddiger, lets do this.”

For what seemed like hours, him and Hugo talked and talked and talked. It felt reassuring, Varian thought, having someone that understood what he was talking about for the most part and to help him. Their topics varied from chemistry to biology to engineering and so much more. At one point, they even spoke about pets! As it turned out, Hugo had a pet mouse called Cheese (”Creative name.” Varian quipped, earning a roll of the eyes and a gentle punch on the arm from the other) and Varian confided about his pet cat, Ruddiger (to which Hugo mocked his previous comment). It felt natural. Nice.

Of course all good things had to come to an end.

A buzz from Hugo’s phone interrupted their VERY riveting conversation about the logistics of an automaton. “Oh shit, my mom is here.” Hugo said with a frown, his eyes meeting Varian’s. Varian tried, but to no avail, to hide his disappointment.

“Oh. Well, this was fun-” He started to say.

“Hold on.” Hugo stopped him, reaching out to grab a napkin and a pen, Silently, he wrote on it before passing Varian the napkin with a smile. “See you around, hairstripe.” He added before he was gone, navigating through the crowd of people to get towards the door.

Varian took a second to glance down at the napkin. His face flushed as he saw the note contained Hugo’s number along with ‘Call me x’. He bit his lip gently and glanced in the direction Hugo left in, taking out his phone and inputting the number quietly before picking up his bag and heading to the door. Outside the snow had stopped, leaving a small blanket that. crackled with every step he took.

When he got home, Varian lay on his bed and stared at his phone or, more specifically, Hugo’s contact. His hands shook with anticipation and anxiety. Oh god, what should he say? What was a normal thing to say to a cute boy from high school you just reunited with? He let out a frustrated cry and flopped back onto his bed, throwing his phone elsewhere on the covers. Why was he so bad at this?

After at least an hour of stressing, pacing and advice from Rapunzel and Eugene, he officially gave up. He slowly picked up his phone and typed out the message.

Varian : Hi, it’s me from the coffee shop.

“Okay Varian...and...” He closed his eyes, his finger hovering over the send button, before pressing it and shutting the phone off. He lay back again and covered his eyes. “HI?! REALLY? THAT’S THE BEST YOU COULD DO?” He scolded himself and covered his eyes. Hugo was gonna think he’s an idiot! A massive idiot! A chime sounded out through the room and, as fast as he could, Varian lunged and picked up his phone to read Hugo’s reply.

Hugo : Heya hairstripe =)

Hugo : Took you long enough to text me, aha

Varian’s face changed into a smile as him and Hugo continued to talk all throughout the night. Eventually, at 3am, he decided to call it a night and get some rest before his class tomorrow.

Varian : I’m going to sleep - goodnight Hugo

Hugo : Before you dooo....

Hugo : How about another coffee meet? You free Thursday at 1?

Varian let out a loud gasp before sitting up and smiling widely. Hugo wanted to meet up again. Oh my god Hugo wanted to see him again! Giddy with excitement, he picked up his phone and immediately text him back.

Varian : Yep, I am

Hugo : It’s a date <3 see you then Ruddiger. Sweet dreams.

Varian set his phone aside on his bedroom table, a lovesick smile on his face as he lay back and stared at the ceiling. A date. A date with Hugo. He couldn’t help the flush on his cheeks or the butterflies in his stomach as he started to drift off to sleep with Ruddiger jumping and laying beside him in bed. Now he had to wait till Thursday.

This was gonna be a long week.

#varigo #varian and the seven kingdoms #varian x hugo #varian tangled #hugo tangled #i am a mess for these boys #tangled #alchemy boyfriends #i cant tag things #varigo coffee shop au

47 notes · View notes

crows-murder · 3 years

Note

What was the first fandom and/or pairing that you wrote fic for?

Do you participate in any writing events or challenges throughout the year? If so, what do you like about them?

Do you write fics from start or finish, or jump around?

Do you outline before you start writing? If so, how far do you stray from that outline?

What is the perfect environment for you to write in?

Which part of writing do you struggle with most?

dialogue, exposition, or plot the most?

If you could only write angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your life, which would it be?

Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

Is there a trope you wouldn’t write if it was the last trope on earth?

What is your most underrated fic?

What fic are you most proud of?

What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

Who is the easiest/hardest character for you to write about? Why?

What’s your favorite minor character you’ve written?

What is the one fic that got away?

Have you cried while writing a fic?

If you had to remix one of your own fics, which would it be and how would you remix it?

Tell us an idea for a longfic you want to write in the future. (sorry for sending so many i really wanna know)

(no don’t worry it’s perfectly okay! i had fun answering all of them 😊)

1. what was the first fandom and/or pairing that you wrote fic for?

ah. okay, so the first fandom i wrote and published for was Voltron, though i will never give away what the pairing was. i was 14 and it was on Wattpad, the rest is forbidden knowledge

2.do you participate in any writing events or challenges throughout the year? if so, what do you like about them?

i recently participated in a few events and challenges, and honestly, they were a lot of fun! i’d have to say that what i like about them is that i get to get out of my comfort zone and push my limits.

3. do you write fics from start or finish, or jump around?

well. uh, no.

sometimes i do write whole fics in one sitting, but usually it takes me a day or two, and i have more than one WIP doc open because my brain needs to switch fics when it gets bored, so to speak. i just need to jump around to avoid losing interest in a story

4. do you outline before you start writing? if so, how far do you stray from that outline?

if it’s a multi-chapter fic, then yes. if i don’t have a clear ending or goal, then the story can and will drag on and on and on lol. sometimes i’ll stray from my outline, since it’s not really a strict set of directions for me to follow, more of something to guide me. very often, my story won’t exactly resemble my outline.

5. what is the perfect environment for you to write in?

late at night with a steaming cup of tea or coffee, or just an energy drink, wrapped in my fuzzy blanket with instrumental music playing.

7. Which part of writing do you struggle with most?

writing

/hj. idk i guess i’d have to say finding the right word when i forget it. or another super annoying thing is that sometimes i have the perfect word in french, and i need to find a good translation for it, but the english version of the word just doesn’t feel the same as the original. that’s very annoying lol.

10. do you enjoy dialogue, exposition, or plot the most?

dialogue. i tend to stray from the plot and i always struggle with exposition, but i absolutely love writing dialogue.

11. if you could only write angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your life, which would it be?

angst. no questions. i need to hurt my characters because i love them.

12. is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

enemies to lovers. i don’t have any actual WIPs with that specific trope, but i do really want to write it one day lol.

13. is there a trope you wouldn’t write if it was the last trope on earth?

alpha/beta/omega. i fully support my writer friends who write it, but sadly i will never write it. it bothers me a little too much rip. i’d rather never write again than write it.

16. what is your most underrated fic?

um. personally, i think that this fic from my urban fantasy AU was really not popular lol. i kinda see why, since its pure fluff and from an AU that is a personal indulgence lol

17. what fic are you most proud of?

okay this Jayroy fic from my bad things happen bingo is definitely one of the ones i’m very proud of. idk, i just like it? i can’t explain why i’m proud of it, but i am.

18. what is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

i decided to cheat a little and i’ll be using a line from a WIP instead. and the commentary’s gonna be written bc i can

It was a mission report. Bruce had told him it was fine if he finished it tomorrow.

Tim could finish it tonight. (tim you absolute walnut SLEEP)

He was perfectly capable of doing what Bruce asked him. (not when you’re sleep deprived, idiot) He wasn’t Dick. he certainly wasn’t Jason. But he could still work diligently and without mistake. He could be better. (aw bby you dumb idiot child you dont need to be better)

Tim stared at the person standing in the hallway, eyes narrowed and mug in one hand. He knew for a fact that it took longer than twenty-seven hours of no sleep to start hallucinating. (I BANISH YOU TO SLEEP JAIL YOU UNRULY GREMLIN)

But that was the only reason Tim could fathom the Red Hood standing in the kitchen of Titans Tower at half-past three in the morning. (and that’s valid. i too would think i’d be hallucinating lmao)

Red Hood approached Tim slowly. “You have a lot of nerve wearing that uniform.” (jason please LET. THAT. GO.)

Tim glanced down at his rumpled gray shirt and flannel pajama bottoms. (i laughed writing this. i laughed a lot)

He should be more alarmed that the Red Hood clearly knew he was Robin without the mask, but Tim was too tired and he was going to have to push that freak-out to the next day. (me doing homework at 4am like)

19. who is the easiest/hardest character for you to write about? why?

this time i’ll go with the type of characters. the easiest character for me to write is definitely the one character i relate to the most/ my comfort character because of course, i know them more than any other character and to some level understand their character. the hardest character to write is probably one i don’t really know or one who doesn’t have a lot of character development or there isn’t much info about them. i’ll still write them, but i’ll be making up a lot of stuff lol.

20. what’s your favorite minor character you’ve written?

hmm. i haven’t written many side characters, but i did love writing Dana Winters. she’s very cool and i like her a lot.

21. what is the one fic that got away?

it might just be me but im struggling a bit with what this could mean, so i’m going to assume it means that one fic that didn’t go where i expected it to (if that’s not what you meant, feel free to send me an ask correcting me lol)

so i’d have to say its the second part of this 2 chapter fic i wrote because a lot of people were asking for more cuddles in the first part. i was not expecting writing another fic specifically for fluff, but here we are.

22. have you cried while writing a fic?

definitely during that one major character death fic i wrote. i wrote the aftermath of the character’s death and i was crying while writing it lmao.

i was crying so much writing the ending for this

23. if you had to remix one of your own fics, which would it be and how would you remix it?

i wrote a sort of road trip birdflash au that i wouldn’t mind seeing as a remix

30. tell us an idea for a longfic you want to write in the future.

i’m actually writing a longfic right now. i don’t even know where i got the idea from, but it’s basically a batfam no capes AU where they all practice magic instead and it’s set in 1927.

here’s the ask game! send me an ask! (or more than one, i don’t mind)

#long post #ask game #fic writer ask game #ghost answers #ghost writes

3 notes · View notes

hiirunakaarchive · 5 years

Text

– to act in haste (2)

↳ in an alternate universe where mc landed the fellowship, but not in the way she wanted. (pt 1), (pt 3), (pt 4)

◇ pairing: ethan ramsey x mc (haruna sakurai)

◇ genre: angst, like totally angst. through and through. not a single sentence of redeeming fluff here im so sorry

◇ song rec: comme au premier jour – andré gagnon

◇ word count: 3.2k+

◇ tags: @aworldoffandoms, @perriewinklenerdie (thank u so much for waiting)

◇ author’s note: hi all! it’s been a minute! the release of OH2 finally inspired me to continue the piece that i posted last april so after a week of writing and rewriting im finally satisfied enough to post the second part! (this series is literally my baby please dont let it flop). i decided that this story will be split into three parts so i strongly suggest reading pt1 linked above if you want to make any sense of this second part LOL. pls keep in mind that i wrote part one before OH1 finished so it’s not totally faithful to the original story and has my own little spin of drama and flair so like always, feedback is always appreciated!! ill shut up now, ENJOY!

prologue

Dr. Sakurai was his epitome of a dream. Temporary, fleeting bliss that left just as soon as it came.

The two months following their confrontation were painfully, excruciatingly silent. She avoided him like the plague and the circumstances failed to change during the nine weeks he spent in the Amazon. He departed with the intent of banishing her and whatever feelings that still lingered from his heart and mind, yet one look at her was all it took for his resolve to crack.

He still loved her.

arrival

The first night marking Dr. Ramsey’s arrival back in Boston, the view of the bustling city from his airplane window evoked a flurry of fond memories. He had missed the city more than he cared to admit, yet, he had come to hate it just the same.

As the plane landed and rolled against the tarmac, Ethan stared vacantly at the distant lights of the city and let his thoughts wander.

Has she been taking care of herself?

Is she still angry with me?

Does she look any different from when I last saw her?

He let out a huff of frustration and accepted the bitter truth. Two months of cowardice and deliberately running from the thought of her did nothing to ease the sting of reality amidst his return to America.

Leaning back against the headrest, he muttered. “I need a drink.”

The next two hours passed in a blur. The doctor disembarked the aircraft in a hurry and retrieved his luggage from the carousel just as quick. Amongst that and hopping into the first cab he could hail, Ethan was unsure whether his haste was just in desperation to get home and rest or to quench his thirst for the god damn drink that airplane liquor couldn’t satisfy.

He stumbled into his apartment and let Jenner out of the carrier, the pet becoming nothing but an obscure whiz of fur as he zipped out of the cage to celebrate the comfort and familiarity of their home.

The kitchen was still pristine, though not without a bit of dust. Looming over the marble counters and to the dining table across the room, Ethan found himself reminiscing over the last meal he had here.

“The fellowship. Why did I win?”

“Did you think it would make me happy?”

“Is that it, Ethan? Do you pity me?”

“Christ.” He cursed to himself, ripping open the cupboards.

A single bottle of red wine greeted him, still three quarters full and untouched since the last disastrous dinner he had with Dr. Sakurai. It seemed to splash delightfully against its bottle as the man rolled his eyes and filled the glass to the brim. Inhaling the aroma and swirling the liquid with a delicate motion of his wrist, he took a sip.

This tastes like shit.

Ethan poured the wine down the sink along with the remaining contents of the bottle, bidding goodbye to the last physical remnant of that tear-ridden night two months ago.

He still needed a damn drink though.

The first step he took into Donahue’s was a hopeful one, and he cursed to himself in disappointment for knowing exactly what, or more specifically, who he was hoping to see.

He quickly scanned the booths and bar, failing in the search for that recognizable head of vibrant red and black. The only vibrance he was getting was from the familiar disco ball that loomed overhead, which made him squint in distaste. Taking a seat at the bar, a voice he could only recognize as Reggie’s called to him from behind the counter, his back to him.

“Welcome, I’ll be right with you.” He said, not bothering to turn around.

“I thought I told you to get rid of that god awful toy on the ceiling.”

Reggie’s head snapped up.

“Two months of disappearing off the face of the earth did nothing to fix that attitude of yours, Ramsey.” He smiled at his regular warmly before grabbing a bottle of scotch and pouring a glass.

Reggie slid it to him across the table.

“On me. Welcome back.”

Taking it gratefully, Ethan rose it to the bartender in a toast for his generosity.

“Thank you, Reg.” He said, stepping off the stool and making his way towards his favourite spot on the patio.

Midway through the exit, the doctor’s annoyance was already stirred by the booming voices and clinking of glass from an unknown group. They were counting down, and to what, exactly? He could not, for the life of him, be bothered.

And then he heard it.

“Midnight!”

Her voice.

“To kicking ass and running Edenbrook-“

Oh God, no.

“— as second-year residents!”

Ethan stopped fully in his tracks, and the eyes that solely wandered the deck in search of a free table landed on a picnic bench where five very familiar faces smiled and laughed.

Dr. Trinh, Dr. Greene, Dr. Lahela—

He exhaled in relief as he spotted Dr. Varma.

So they’ve gone back to being friends.

And smack in the middle, Dr. Sakurai.

Haruna Sakurai.

Fairy lights that illuminated the patio in protest to the evening were strung between poles and trees erected around the terrace. Yet amongst it all, Dr. Ramsey still found her to be shining the brightest. She still had that proper and dignified air about her, and the man was relieved to see that she had begun to smile again, albeit not as merrily as she used too. He could tell that in the several months they haven’t spoken to each other that she was no longer the same wide-eyed, inquisitive doctor she once was.

I solved the case!

I figured out a way to help some people who really deserve it. It’s a good feeling.

What it means to be a doctor? It means fighting the inevitable.

During Dr. Sakurai’s first year at Edenbrook, she had admitted to Dr. Ramsey that she regarded him as her reckoning. Perhaps that was what pushed her to try harder.

“Yeah, you were definitely an asshole, but it was less you that I was scared of, and more ‘This asshole is my greatest inspiration and I can’t disappoint him’.” She rambled on their stroll back to the hospital from Derry Roasters.

He chuckled fondly as he continued to look straight ahead, the corners of his mouth curving up in a ghost of a smile.

“You could never disappoint me.”

She had learned and grown, and Dr. Ramsey was there to witness every budding moment of it. It was then that he realized that she was the one to be reckoned with.

A few tables from Edenbrook’s newest residents, he spotted the bar where he could enjoy his drink alone and in peace. He looked away from the joyous bunch and started towards the empty stools, but not without inevitably passing by the group first. Dr. Greene spotted him, his eyes lighting up in recognition and Ethan sighed in abandonment of any hope of getting to the other side of the beer garden unbothered.

“Speaking of the diagnostics team...” Elijah whispered audibly.

As the others in the group indulged in their gossip about Ethan’s heroic medical mission across the continent, Sakurai tensed visibly. He stopped in front of their table and for the first time in a very long time, she willed herself to look up and make her eyes meet his.

“Rookie...” Ethan greeted her coolly as he broke the silence.

Haruna’s jaw clenched and he questioned his audacity at still daring to call her by her nickname. Perhaps they were both thinking the same thing. How could they address each other– no, even look at each other, knowing that they were going to work together again? Above it all, how could Dr. Sakurai come to the hospital everyday; constantly, ceaselessly interacting with the living reminder that her position on the diagnostics team wasn’t even rightfully hers?

They left things on a horrifically bitter and awkward note, and Haruna’s eyes darted between her friends across the table, begging to be bailed out.

Dr. Trinh shifted uncomfortably, Dr. Lahela took a flippant sip of his beer as he eyed Haruna protectively, and Dr. Varma glared at the attending with eyes ablaze. Dr. Greene seemed to be the only one unbothered by Ethan’s presence.

Haruna breathed in once before plastering on a fake smile.

“It’s good to have you back, Dr. Ramsey.”

The fake sentiment wrenched at his chest, the gaze that once beamed at him with stars and everything bright now replaced with something hollow and resentful. He was careless enough to let the turmoil show on his face momentarily before collecting himself.

“Yeah... good to be back,” Was all he could muster.

Sensing the tension between himself and the five young doctors, Ethan nodded his head once before continuing to the main bar.

“Doctors. Enjoy your night.”

Sakurai’s eyes lingered on him as he walked away, and the holes he felt being burned into his back vanished once he took his very distant seat at the bar. Her friends continued on with their idle chitchat, and Ethan found himself listening intuitively. No amount of distance he placed between himself and that rambunctious group could keep him from overhearing bits and pieces of their conversation.

They cackled and toasted some more, and the strangers around them, be it alone or with company, indulged in their own private celebrations as well. Yet despite the boisterous nature of his surroundings, all he could hear was her.

“I’m a colossal pain in the ass! I don’t want to be responsible for another me!”

And he couldn’t help but laugh.

present

Since that fateful evening two weeks ago, Dr. Ramsey and Dr. Sakurai assumed their normal routine, save for the scowl she tried to hide every time she saw him. Despite the circumstances, he kept a close eye on her as she eased into her place on the diagnostics team, having succeeded in charming Baz with her amiable personality, and June as they made small talk in regards to their common cultural heritage. Sakurai remained quiet and unassuming during her first few days, but she had proven herself to be a quick learner.

“Female, thirty seven, Caucasian.” Ethan began as everyone took their seats.

He uncapped a black marker, scribbling across the board and throwing out answers before the other three had a chance to ask. This was their regular pace, which by now, Dr. Sakurai had grown accustomed to. She certainly looked less bewildered than she did her first day there.

“Reason for admission was pain and numbness in the extremities. Former doctors thought it was...a stroke.” Ethan grimaced and Dr. Mirani snorted.

“What turned up in her bloodwork?” Dr. Hirata asked as she shook her head ruefully. “Did she have a urinalysis done?”

The three experienced doctors proceeded with their swift exchange of ideas, their discussion riddled with numerous ifs, buts, and whys. Dr. Sakurai listened intently and remained silent with her eyes glued to her notebook, almost so silent that Ethan almost questioned if she was even wholly present.

“Negative for multiple sclerosis, but just before she was discharged presented with irritable bowel syndrome.” He continued.

“Could it be fibromyalgia then?” Dr. Sakurai finally suggested, looking up from paper ridden with chicken scratch notes scrawled in red pen.

Baz and June raised their eyebrows in delighted surprise. “Seconded,” and Ethan regarded his protege collectedly.

“I thought so as well. Excellent work, Dr. Sakurai.” To which she merely nodded in response.

Later that day, Ethan found himself strolling down the halls of Edenbrook in Dr. Baz Mirani’s company. He chatted endlessly, recalling the meeting from earlier that morning and shifted the topic of conversation to Dr. Sakurai. Ethan was never one to entertain idle gossip, but when it came to her, he couldn’t bring himself to not listen.

“Did you know that her red hair was a mistake?” Baz cackled.

“She told me that she accidentally booked her hair appointment two hours after her board and came in sleep deprived. Knocked out as she soon as she sat in that chair and woke up with Flaming Cheetos for a head!” The doctor brought a hand up to his chest to ease himself as he laughed.

Ethan stayed silent as his colleague relayed her story. Of course he knew. He knew that she hated her red hair with every fibre of her being, but still complimented the stylist’s work and tipped her generously. He knew that as soon as she got home, she locked herself in her room and cried while trying to convince herself that her new look was symbolic of her “badass-ness.” He knew that she spent the next year using aloe vera in a desperate attempt to grow it out before applying for residency. How could he forget?

“You know, I wasn’t sure what to think of her at first, knowing the whole deal about how she got into the team and all.” Baz conceded and the guilt resurfaced, threatening to swallow Ethan whole.

“Baz, if you’re going to-”

“But she’s really good. Shows a lot of promise. I understand why you did what you did, but I’d be lying if I said I completely agreed with your poor execution.” He finished, shrugging indifferently.

“Ahem.”

A woman’s voice behind them cleared her throat and Baz’s eyes widened in horror as he shot Ethan a quick glance, both men knowing just who exactly had requested their attention. They turned around, and Mirani greeted her with an almost suspicious grade of enthusiasm.

"Dr. Sakurai! You see, this- what I was saying to Eth- no, Dr. Ramsey is that-”

She smiled at him, unbothered.

“You forgot your pager again,” She teased, handing it to him gently before heading the other direction with not another word.

Ethan’s gaze followed her retreating form, pain stricken. He was almost jealous of Baz, even just for a moment. When was the last time Haruna had caught him in a moment of blundering and regarded him lovingly nonetheless? He failed to recall the last time that she flashed him the smile that no one else could bring to her face but him. The kind where the corners of her eyes crinkled and she had to bury her face in her hands because she was too embarrassed to show that face out in the open. It was one of the many things that made him fall in love with her, and continue to love her all the same.

He missed her. More than he could have ever imagined possible.

Dr. Mirani exhaled in relief as she left. “Well! That could have gone a lot worse than I- Dr. Ramsey?”

And, before he realized where his feet had begun to take him, he went after her. He couldn’t let things continue like this. He couldn’t stand it.

“Wait, Rookie-”

The large strides that Ethan took to catch up to Dr. Sakurai in the empty hall were not many. Her steps were small but filled with purpose, and her heels that clacked mercilessly against the slate floor stopped abruptly. She turned to face him, and the second Haruna’s eyes met his, he was only reminded of the newfound hatred ulcerating at her very core.

She raised an eyebrow. “Not a rookie anymore, Doctor.”

The lack of emotion in Dr. Sakurai’s voice as she addressed the man stung. He should be used to this. He should have foreseen this. But one year of knowing and loving her could never have prepared Ethan for her villainously petty demeanor finally directed at him. Two weeks since she said his name in a voice dripping with venom, and she hasn’t dared to utter it since.

Always, “Yes, Doctor,” or, “Noted, Doctor.” It was driving him insane.

“Dr. Ramsey.” He attempted, his tone dribbling with an impatience he didn’t realize had been brewing.

“Doctor.” She challenged.

He looked at her, a muscle in his jaw twitching in annoyance. She looked at him, arms crossed and adamant on winning whatever contest it was that they had engaged in. And they stayed like that, for several seconds until a group of interns passing by and regarding them with curiosity forced them to look away. Dr. Sakurai closed her eyes and exhaled once, gathering herself before maneuvering her way around the older doctor.

“Excuse me.”

He watched her as she side-stepped him, about to continue her journey to her destination if he didn’t gently take her by the wrist and pull her into the medicine supply room. The very same one they hid in when they still kept Naveen a secret.

“W-What are you– Don’t fucking touch me.” Dr. Sakurai hissed once they had entered, jerking her hand from his grip.

“Are you going to be like this every time you see me?” Ethan pinched the bridge of his nose and looked up to the ceiling.

“If we’re being honest? Yeah, yeah I am.”

“I meant it when I said I was sorry.”

“And I meant it when I said sorry wasn’t good enough.”

“Look at yourself, Sakurai.” Ethan scoffed.

“Petty like a child. Did you think your official status as a resident would suffice in masking this juvenile drivel or should I just throw you back in with this year’s batch of interns?”

Haruna stared at him blankly, and just for a moment he felt his chest tighten. Her resentful gaze made him miss the way they once were, and he ached for her to look at him the way she used to, but Ethan’s lamenting was cut short as Sakurai’s mouth twitched. A failed attempt to contain herself before she burst into bitter laughter.

“You can do that, can’t you?” She asked disdainfully.

“Give one of them my position while you’re at it. The same way you gave it to me.”

He took a step toward her and she stayed put, refusing to be intimidated by the man that stood just over six inches taller. Then they were achingly close, the distance between them so small that her shoes were flush against his own. So small that Haruna couldn’t help but inhale the scent of musk and Italian cypress from his cologne. Ethan looked down at her angrily and the younger woman looked back up at him with a fire just as intense.

“You might hate the means of how you got here, Dr. Sakurai, but the deed is done. There’s nothing you can do to change it so I strongly suggest getting over your vendetta against me and doing what you’re supposed to do.”

“Yeah? And what might that be?”

“Your damn job, for one!”

She finally stepped back, struck, and looked at him as if she was seeking clarification.

“My job? My job?!” She asked angrily, her voice raised in a crescendo.

Her jaw hung open as she stared at the floor in disbelief, scoffing as she processed Ethan’s last statement. The second seemed to last far too long before Haruna finally met his gaze. Her lip quivered as she shot him a look of pure, utter disgust.

“I took you for many things, but a hypocrite was never one of them.” She spat and Ethan felt his glare soften in realization.

You came here to fix things, and now look at what you’ve done.

“Rookie-” He began, his tone considerably weaker.

“Don’t. You don’t get to call me that. Not anymore. I’ll see you on the floor, Dr. Ramsey.”

She left, and any hidden meanings to whatever relationship they had departed with her. He was no longer an Ethan Ramsey to her, and she was no longer a Haruna Sakurai to him.

She was just a resident. He was just her boss. And this unpalatable truth broke him.

#choices #open heart #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey fanfiction #open heart fanfiction

58 notes · View notes

deliontower · 4 years

Text

Hard to Love

title- Hard to Love part 1

Pairing- Sam x Reader (female)

word count- 3.2k

warnings- swearing, fluff, hinted death and mention of blood

summary- Y/N meets the Winchesters after saving them from a witch, she takes a liking to Sam right away. After getting a call from Sam for help on a solo hunt, they both realised there’s more going on than they think.

a/n- first part to a mini series! probably would be super long but im look forward to getting it all out there! Let me know what you think. All mistakes are mine so look out for them. *gif not mine* i change to writing in second person in part 3, and will edit this to that when i’m free

MAIN MASTERLIST | REQUEST OPEN | series masterlist

MAIN MASTERLIST | REQUEST OPEN ----------------------

The first time I met Sam and Dean Winchester, I saved them. Obviously I had heard of the Winchesters while hunting but they were nothing like i had imagined. While watching a witch on a case, I saw two guys walk right into the witches home. The home in question would have been covered in traps.

Sighing and rolling my eyes, jumping out of my aston martin to save the helpless pair. As i got closer to the house, i could hear shouting and bangs.

Looking through the window to see what was happening and spotting one of the guys lay across the floor probably knocked out. And the other being held up against a wall by a spell.

Opening the door as quietly as i could so the witch wouldn't hear me, and began walking into the room. The one against the wall spotted me, to stop him from saying anything i put a figure to my lips.

"I know he's a looker but I'm sure there are easier ways than this" i smiled holding my gun to the back of the witches head, putting the trigger before she could make another move she fell to the ground.

With the witch being dead her spell was too, I waited to thanked but he ran over to his friend instead. "Dean?!". I watch how he shook 'dean' till he woke up.

He drowsily sat up and looked from the dead witch to me, watching them. "What happened and who is she Sammy?" he asked 'Sammy'.

I smiled my best smile and took this as my time to speak. "I'm Y/N, and I just saved you from that witch", pointing toward the ground where she lay. "I'm guessing you're Dean and Sammy"

Sammy looked really shy and looked down to the floor, he even had his hand on the back of his neck, "It's actually just Sam. Dean's the only one who calls me that".

Mouth open wide i rethink the situation, "Oh god. Are you two together? " i pointed to each of them in turn. "Awww, a hunting couple. That's so sweet".

They pulled apart from each other and stood up. "No! We are brothers! Dean and Sam Winchester" Dean said.

Breaking out in a smile and laughing, "So the big bad Winchester can't handle a witch on their own? And by the way, this was my case. Had to go for drink with the chief of police for information".

Sam walk to where his brother stood. "Well thank you for saving us but we would of been find" Sam smiled to hopefully calm things down.

Now that was a smile that could get any girl he wanted. "Well why don’t' we find another witch and see how it goes?"

"Okay, you two need to stop flirting and help clean this place up" Dean said as he made his way over to you.

"Oh sweetheart. I haven't even started yet" i said stepping aside letting him deal with the body. Leaving them to put everything in order as I typed something on my phone.

"Aren't you going to help?" Dean called from the other room, while Sam was in the same room as me.

"I did the kill so you do the clean up." i walked around the room to make sure everything was good. "besides I have places to be and people to be with". Picking up a pen that was on a nearly by desk in the room, walking up to Sam. "speaking of." i took one of Sam's big hands in mine and wrote my number.

Sam watched as I wrote then met my Y/E/C eyes with his hazel when I had finished. "Call me if you need some help or if you just want some fun". dropping the pen into his still open hand and left him shocked. ///

In took 2 months before i heard from them again, after a 3 day long hunt I was resting at a motel when my phone started to ring.

"Hello" i called checking my nails as i wait for an answer.

"Is this Y/N?" a familiar voice said. I knew it but not where from.

"Well, you have my number so take a guess" i said moving to stand now. "Look if you need help tell me and I'll do what I can".

"It's Sam Winchester. You gave me your number" He said awkwardly.

Grinning i continue, "Sammy. So tell me is this call for business or pleasure" playing with the lose hairs that had fallen from the bun I wore on lazy days.

"Kind of both" He laugh as the sound of a car went by in the background. "I'm on this case alone and need some help but I promise there's a drink in it for you".

"What about your brother? Aren't you two the golden boys?" I ask confused.

"something happened and I can't work with him anymore" he explain, sounding like he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

I started to pack my things, "Okay, send me the address and I'll be there as soon as I can". Hanging up I walked out of my motel room and headed to Sam.

After a 6 hour drive i arrived at the motel Sam was staying in. He stood outside, against the hood of a car. "Well if it isn't Sammy Winchester!" i called cheerful to get his attention.

He laughed and shook his head, watching as you lock your car. "Thanks for coming Y/N" he sounded like he meant it too.

"Well I miss that face of yours" laughing, "So I should probably go and get a room, if you're staying here". Pointing to the main office.

"If you want you can share mine" i smirked at the offer, the joke was cut off when Sam started again. "Not like that! I have two beds and it'll be easier anyway". He smiled lightly having cleared up the situation.

Shrugging i followed Sam into his room. Just like he said they were two beds both made, didn't even look slept in. "Haven't you slept recently? You did call me pretty late last night".

Sam sat on the edge of the nearest bed, putting his head in his hands. A wave of sadness went through me, the meaningless flirting i had been throwing his way would be wrong here. Sitting next to him, i placed a hand on his back. "Just a lot has happen since the last time we saw each other" he said into his hands.

"Do you want to talk about it? We've all been through stuff, we've all lost people. How else do we get into this life?" rubbing his back while i spoke. Under his shirt I could feel how tight he held himself, just how much he held inside.

Feeling some for the pain loosen, he picked his head up to face mine. "It's a long story" he said quietly.

"I have all the time you need" I smile sweetly as i continue to run my figures across his back. It felt like he was beginning to melt into my touch but then suddenly realized what was happening.

"emm. We should talk about the case" clearing his throat he moved as far as he could from me. My hand still in the position it had been in. Watching him walk around the room picking up his laptop and coming back over to where I still sat.

"Yeah we sure." watching him closely as he pulled up the right pages. "so what was so bad that you needed me?" I laugh but it didn't sound like my normal one. Thanking god that Sam didn’t know me well enough to notices.

"Vampires, a whole lot of them" he said as he pulled up a name of vics. "3 deaths happened at the same time, caught on camera and everything".

"Not smart are they? So you got a locate on the nest or are we drawing them out?" I asked reading through the files.

Sam went still for a second, "I need your help luring them out, the last 3 vics have been young girls, probably drunk" Sam explained while you waited for the 'I'm joking'.

"You called me all the way here to use me as bait? Do you think I have nothing better to do?" angry began to rise in me. "You know I'm good right?! Not just get by good, I'm great! And I don’t need the Winchester stamp of approval" . I jumped up from the bed and slammed the door shut after I left the room.

I pulled open the door to my car, getting in and lent back until my breathing evened out. The door on my other side opened, Sam come and sat in the car. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that" Sam spoke before I could tell him to fuck off.

"I don't want any special treatment just because I'm a girl. Like I said before, we have all been through stuff and lost people. Just remember that" the seriousness in my voice was a shock even to myself.

"I won't do it again, I promise" he took note of the seriousness and the lack of the smile that I never let drop.

Sam pov

The rage that burnt inside Y/N had took him back. From the first time he met her, the day she saved his and Dean's asses. He couldn't get you off his mind, even after all the shit he had been through. He had called her just to see her again and maybe have some light back into his messed up life.

It felt good to have someone who didn’t know about everything he had been through and to have someone who was so open and free.

"If I have too and it’s a big if, I will help lure the vamps out. But it's gonna cost you more than one drink" some of the seriousness had turned to a joke but her eyes stayed the same.

"whatever you want" he said smiling a little, she was truly beautiful, she always held him in awe, he hardly knew her but he liked her more than he thought was possible.

You both went back into the motel and went over the play, you weren't to happy with it but agreed if you got unlimited drink whenever you two met up and he owned you no matter how big the ask was.

Reader pov

I sat at the bar with my second drink in front of me, Sam was somewhere in the back watching for anyone watching me. Faking my alcohol intolerance was the hard bit, normal two drinks were nothing but this time I had to act like I was losing focuses.

With a machete on your back, hidden by my jacket I slowly made my way from the bar. Stopping Sam and giving him the single. I stopped half way and held on to the wall to act like I couldn't walk.

The cold air outside felt welcoming on my face, maybe the alcohol had gotten to me more that I had like. "How you doing, pretty girl" someone whistled from behind the bar.

I tuned to face the person with a large grin and waved, the voice belong to a 30 odd looking man, he didn't look too bad either. "Hey, I'm just heading home" I struggled to pull my keys from my pocket. "I'm still good to drive-" I laughed then continued "I hope anyway".

I tripped, the guy caught me. He moved to fast to be human. I held on to him and even lent in. Giving him the idea I was some dumb drunk girl.

I bit my lip and pulled away, my hand reaching to my back where my machete lay. He seemed to believe that I was out of it enough to let his cover drop.

His teeth were out in seconds, "you have no idea what I have in mind for you" he grinned, I tried to moved away but two bodies stopped me. "I have some friends with me this time, Hunter" he spat out the hunter part.

I dropped the acted then, "look you got me, lets make this easy for the both of us" I pulled my machete from back and swung of the two behind, both fell to the floor. Their blood pooled at my feet, just as much covered my neck and face.

"Now tell me are you alone or is their more?" I swung my machete around.

"you bitch" he yelled and slapped you to the ground, I wiped away some blood that had come from a spilt lip.

"I think she asked you a question" Sam said from behind the vampire, I smiled as Sam got closer.

"Did I mention I had my own friend with me?" I stood up while Sam held the vamp in place. "So tell me are you alone or are there more of you?" I put my machete to his throat.

After not much of a fight he admitted he was the last now, after Sam had used his own machete on him we worked on clear up. It was pure good luck no one else had left the bar and that it was too cheap for cameras of any kind.

We threw the bodies in the boot of Sam's car and headed to the woods. The fire burnt fast in front of you both.

"So what are you gonna do now?" I asked Sam.

" I have no idea. Being with you on this hunt has made me see I hate being alone" Sam face frown as he watched the fire.

"I bet your brother misses you, I don't know what happened but don't let it get to the point where it can't be fixed" I said pulling his attention to me.

"How can you be so sure? Somethings just can't be fixed" he said weakly.

I smiled and went to hold his hand, "You can tell me anything, if you regret it then you never have to speak to me again".

"I think I'll take you up on at" he held my hand back and smiled. His smiles were these rare things that overtook everything.

Sam pov Y/N was great at acting her part even if she did hate it, she didn't truly shine until she took two vamp's heads off in one movement. The blood at hit her face and neck didn't bother her one bits.

When the vamp slapper to the floor he stepped forward. She smiled when she saw him, her Y/E/C shone brightly. The eyes and smile made his heart stop for a moment, the pure bliss he felt of that moment.

They dealt with the vampire rare fast then headed to burn the bodies. ////// Reader pov

The car ride back was quite but it felt good. Watching as the trees turned into homes and shops. The small motel you were staying in my decent for a night stop but nothing more than that.

I was dying to have a shower and wash away the sweat and vampire blood from my skin. I pulled my hair from the tight bun that had been in for what felt like days.

"I'm going to fall asleep in that shower" I laughed throwing my jacket onto the bed. "I have hardly slept in 4 days" I laughed heading to the bathroom.

Sam's eyes watch as I walked across the room, I turned and winked at him, "Always room for two" I joked lightly but somewhat hoped he would.

I didn't stay to see his face or if he was thinking about it. The bathroom light was low and didn't do me any favors. I ran the water till it ran hot before stripping down.

The red water flowed down the drain as you stood under the warmth the shower gave me, as the day went out the more I wanted to crawl into bed.

The split on my lip strung as the water hit it, give it a few days and it would be gone it wouldn't leave a scar. My hand ran over the lager scar that ran down the length of my tight. Scars were the only memory I had of times in my life and the people in it.

I noticed then I hadn't brought in a change of clothes, I had two opinions go out in nothing but a towel or just use my under wear which happened to be lace, my best pair.

I chose to go with the opinion that meant I was wearing something, even if it was just underwear.

Slowly I opened the door to see what Sam was doing, he was shirtless. Crap. Sat on his bed reading something. "Sam" I called out from the small crack.

He looked confused then remembered I was in the bathroom. "Y/N? is everything okay?" he asked.

"I forgot to bring something to change into- can you dig through my bag and find my night shirt" I ask watching him, look around the room for your bag.

"I don't see it but have one of mine" he walked to his bag to find a shirt. Knowing I hid for a reason he passed the shirt in to small gap. "Only for tonight right?" his hazel eyes shone bright.

"yes" I breathed out, what else was there to say. All the flame had burnt out and once again he left me feeling breathless around Sam.

His shirt smelt like him, like fresh air and trees, from all the time spent outside and travelling with the windows down.

He went back to reading whatever his book was, while I threw myself into bed. 4 days for little sleep hit me intently and it didn't take long until I was asleep with the smell of Sam surrounding me.

Sam pov

He woke up at what he guessed was mid day, the afternoon light shone across the floor. He rolled over in bed to face Y/N, she had on some jeans and his shirt from last night. She was reading a book, she bit her lip while she read.

Feeling his grazes on her, she stopped reading and looked at him, "Morning Sammy, or should I say afternoon?" she closed her book and placed it on the bed.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" he asked sitting up in his own bed.

"You looked so cute and I could tell you hadn't slept in days" she said giving him a small smile. "If you don't have anywhere to be, I thought we could hang out today and get that drink you promised me" she pulled her hair down and let in surround her.

For a moment he lost his breath, Y/N had this ability of being so free and not caring but now and then she held herself back. Like the night before when she had jokingly invited him to join her in shower but then hid inside until she had something to wear.

"I have a day or two free" he say then smiled when she broke into a wide grin. He knew he was falling but he didn't care, this wild girl would change everything.

part two

#reader x sam winchester #sam imagine #sam winchester #reader x sam #sam x reader #snp imagine #sam winchester imagine #sam winchester x y/n #sam x yn #xreader

38 notes · View notes

ruiyuki-archives · 4 years

Text

Star Tear AU - Alt. Timeline: Todoroki ver. [Part 1]

This is an AU I wrote on the todomomo discord server eons ago. Anything posted to this blog will be transcripts of old original work and not really edited, save for formatting. I have no guarantees if I will ever finish these AUs either so these will only be kept as an archive.

Original transcript posted to tdmm discord: Aug 2020

Momo ver. Alternate timeline: Todo ver. Part 1 || Todo ver. Part 2 || Todo ver. Part 3

Star tears in which Todoroki falls for Momo first.

shortly after the exam with Aizawa he doesn’t know what he’s feeling but just admires her strength and quick thinking

and him hanging out with Deku and Iida at lunch means Todo hears all the nice and good things Momo does when she and Iida to discuss class prez stuff

which intensifies this ??admiration?? and respect more

and he just?? Holds onto those feelings unable to figure out what they are until idk maybe holidays where 1A and 1B throw that holiday hotpot party

and Momos really cute lookin’ in that Santa hat she made with the festive turtleneck

and so that feeling inside Todo grows into something more??? bc "oh shit she cute".... and Todo’s blushing while looking at her from afar. Probably.

so Todo talks to Fuyumi abt it and Fuyumi’s like: “I think you like her Shouto”

and he writes to his mom abt it and Rei's like: “she sounds like a lovely girl Shouto”

and he texts Natsuo abt it and Natsu's like: “aw little bro has a crush”

but all the while this is happening, Momo's gotten closer with Iida over class prez stuff and hero stuff and everyone in 1A (read: mina and hagakure) think iimomo might be a thing???

ofc Momo denies it and making excuses politely like "no no ofc not we're being responsible class prez and vice prez" but she’s kinda stuttery while doing so, so no one buys it

and no ones brave enough to ask Iida except Ochako but he gives some straight laced answer like "i admire her work ethic and respect her as a hero and vice prez" but he also has some tint of blush across his cheeks

so idk fast forward to graduation where Todo's been holding onto these feelings for Momo since first year and iimomo is still very very likely

so its all cherry blossom petals flying around and congratulatory celebrations

and when Todo sees Momo amongst the sakura trees smiling like he's never seen before (bc they're finally officially heroes!!) he thinks she’s beautiful

but just as he's about to approach her, Iida approaches her and Todo can see she's blushing and he knows its really not good to eavesdrop on one of his best friends and the girl he likes

But... he's curious.

or so he lies to himself.

Ofc what he hears isnt what he ever wants to,,,,

cuz Iida just confessed to her.

and she feels the same.

and a star tear slips from Todo's eye as he walks away.

he stops mid step as he touches his cheek bc he didnt even realize he was crying

but what are these tears??? What’s happening?? He's never had these before bc even though Todo is an emotional crier, he doesn’t cry that often.. only when he is completely overwhelmed with emotion

so he has this dumbfounded expression staring at his fingers as these star tears are twinkling out of his eyes catching sunlight and sakura petals

until he hears "Youre a fucking idiot" from a few steps away

Bakugou.

(Baku really likes eavesdropping ok its not the first time lol)

Baku: theyre called star tears.

Todo: You know what these are?

Baku: it happens when you like someone and that person doesnt like you back, idiot.

Todo: ... oh.

Baku: get that shit sorted or you'll go blind

(And for those who are curious, yes maaaayyybe Bakugou has a case of the stars in this timeline too, that’s how he knows. To whom? I'll let you decide bc honestly, I just want todobaku brotp bonding over unrequited love)

so now Todo thinks he might be fucked. One of his best friends confessed to the girl he likes too and she likes him back and now Todo has this disease that might make him go blind and might get in the way of heroing (which they've all secured post graduation positions by now) and what can he do about it?

nothing, says the doctor he sees. The disease is not curable and the only way to stop it is to have your feelings returned else you'll go colour blind and then completely blind, so he's told.

ya he's really fucked.

maybe its a good thing then, that he doesnt cry often. It makes it easier to ice over these feelings, freeze them in time with the memories of U.A.; of his last congratulations to her and her smile at the end of the ceremony an hour after he overheard that confession

maybe its another good thing that right after graduation, everyone went off to their own positions as side kicks with agencies across japan, focusing on heroing

but its 3 months after graduation that Iida tells Deku and Todoroki that he is seeing Momo when they meet up every Friday to catch up

its 6 months after graduation that its publicly announced in Hero Magazine that Ingenium and Creati are dating

its 9 months after graduation that he sees Iida and Momo attending the Hero Association's rising stars gala as a couple and are seated at the same table as them

(Bakugou is scowling at him across the table.)

Todo tries. He really does. To be happy for them.

but he's angry at himself that he can't be happy for them. That it saddens him to see Momo glowing under the ballroom lights but its not himself to make her shine like that, its Iida. That he sees she is the one to make Iida genuinely happy in the way his eyes light up when he smiles at her.

and all three times Todo goes home, lies down alone in his room, an arm slung across his forehead as the star tears leak from his eyes.

he starts to lose seeing colour at 12 months.

after 24 months he needs glasses for colour correction (and ironically gets a sponsorship with the brand. The fashion magazines print headlines for weeks "Hot-Cold Hero Shouto Fall Fashion! See page 7 spread for his newest spotted specks and turtle necks")

at 36 months Iida breaks the news. Iida's gonna propose to Yaoyorozu and wants him, Deku, and his brother to be his groomsmen

she said yes.

and a part of Todo washes away with the star tears flooding him room and twinkling against the tatami.

he tries to stay out of the wedding planning as much as possible. He'll go to the tuxedo fittings as requested and still keep up hearing the updates when seeing Iida and Deku for their weekly get together on Friday nights.

But for anything involving Momo's presence, there will always be a "sorry i have a mission that week", "sorry im visiting my mom", "sorry Endeavor needs to see me about the agency"

... all excuses Bakugou knows, but the others pay no mind. They are rising heroes near the top of the billboard by now

month 48. Wedding day.

she's stunning. Gorgeous. A near goddess walking down the aisle on her big day.

but she's not walking down for him. No its for iida.

there was the ceremony, the cheers, the congratulations, the reception. Fairy lights around the dance floor and along the walls, champagne glittering after the sound of a cork

Todoroki stands off to against the wall as the night dies down, a glass in hand, watching the newly weds grace the dance floor.

someone slides up beside him, he feels the presence. Bakugou.

"She's beautiful isnt she?"

"Yeah."

. . .

a star tear falls from Todoroki's eyes, twinkle hidden among the fairy lights and champagne glitter.

she's beautiful, but maybe its a good thing I can't see

somebody said: what if she knows everything that had happened and the reason why he couldn't continue his career is bc of her?

me: ok you’re asking for it

Momo, 3 months pregnant with iimomo baby, announces with Iida the news to their friends

the soon to be parents want to choose godparents for the baby so Iida gets to choose the baby’s godmother and Momo gets to choose the godfather

and ofc along with the announcement Momo asks Todoroki to be the kid’s godfather

he can’t say no to her.

the same week later Todo and Momo's agencies are requested to deal with this one villain case while Ingenium's agency deals with another in another town (later turns out the cases were connected)

small talk, civil, very professional between Momo and Todo when they’re in the debriefing

at this point Todo's pretty much completely blind and uses some special contact lenses from Hatsume to help "see"

but the contact lenses can only do so much as to detect light movement and shadows and it reallllllllly doesnt work well when he's using his fire

so Todo already had tossed around the idea of running away to the mountains like Roy did in the FMA 2003 ending, "mysteriously" retiring bc really his vision cannot keep up

until this last mission with Momo

and really its been nearly a decade now since they last worked together side by side (not since U.A. he thinks).. so just let the blind man be selfish one last time

and so smth smth missiom happens, Todo and Momo fighting side by side

but Momo senses there’s something off with Todo's movements? His reflexes are slower.. it doesnt seem like he's prediciting the opponents moves like he used to.. he's more so reacting and retaliating than attacking..

she chalks it up to that they havent fought side by side in a long time and his style must’ve changed and really, she doesnt know him anymore... not like she used to

smth smth 3 months pregnant Momo gets hurt, knocked unconscious for a bit

Todo saves her

and when she comes to, while Todo's holding her, star tears fall onto her cheek from Todo's eyes.

She's shocked. Reaches up to gently graze a finger tip at his left cheek.

"Todoroki-san, these are?"

and again its like Todo didnt realize he was crying. He jerks away from her hand and brushes her off with "its nothing”. Changes the subject with "are you ok?"

Momo: yes.. i think so

Todo: and the baby?

Momo, sitting up: we're ok I think

Todo, moving away: good

the mission concludes and they meet up with Ingenium’s group to wrap up the two ends. Todo slips away before Iida and Momo and approach him

theres no activity from Todoroki for the next month

neither Iida, Deku or anyone else in 1A know where he went except the Hero Association's vague comment on "Hot Cold Hero Shouto has taken a sudden indefinite hiatus"

(Only Todo’s family knows and Endeavor asked the Association to say "hiatus" instead of "retirement" bc Enji wants to believe in his son making a comeback. He didnt stop Shouto from taking off)

and ofc Momo upon hearing this is so confused??? Her last mission with him was the last time she saw him and he was crying. Why was he crying? Strange star tears twinkling and landing on her cheeks? What even is that phenomenon?

its too many questions and ofc Momo's gonna investigate. For the sake of her friend.

so she digs up all the texts she can find on star tears. Internet search all the possibilities. Consults the doctors at the hospital. Even asks Tenya if Todoroki has been acting strangely during their weekly catch ups.

but Tenya tells her Todoroki hasnt been the the meet ups since after their wedding

so she asks anyone in their pro hero circle of associates she can think of. Tsukiyomi, Burnin', heros from his agency, anyone she can think of that has worked with Todoroki before and could comment on his behaviour

no body knows. No body noticed anything different either. Sure there were some off days but the Hot Cold Hero Shouto was always on his game being one of the top 3 heroes on the billboard charts

she searches and searches, splitting time interviewing colleagues and researching the possible star tears phenomenon

until eventually her search takes her to...

Bakugou.

Of course.

Momo, pleading: please Bakugou, you know something about him dont you?

Bakugou, who at this point had been very careful trying not to get cornered knowing her investigation: save it pony tail, you’re about to have a baby. Go have people harass you about that brat in your oven instead of harassing other people

Momo, nearly begging: please. You and I both know he's strong and a good hero that would not suddenly retire. Whatever he is doing, he might need help.. please tell me Bakugou.

... theres something about pregnant women that you cant say no to.

Bakugou, relenting: tch. The half ass is somewhere in Yokohama

and thats all she needs nearly running waddling (as fast as a pregnant woman could) out the door

Bakugou, calling out after her, still reluctant: when find that half ass, i suggest you throw him a gift. Literally. Throw it at him. He deserves it.

she finds him along the port, watching the sunset in Yokohama (its really not that hard to find someone with heterochromia and two tone hair in a city, especially if youre a hero that knows what methods heroes will use to go incognito)

and for some inkling of a feeling, Momo takes Bakugou's advice. She has a carton of strawberry milk in hand.

Momo, a few feet away from him: Todoroki-san, it's been a while.

Todo, turning his head in her direction: Yaoyorozu...?

Momo, sadly smiling: the sunset is beautiful here isnt it?

Todo, brows furrowing: .. sure. Yaoyorozu what are you doing here--

Momo, interrupting him: --i brought some snacks. Strawberry milk, you liked this while we were in school right? Catch.

she tosses it at him.

he tries to reach out.

But he'es completely off. And misses

Momo, sad: Todoroki-san. You're blind, arent you?

Todo, guilty: ah.

Momo, tearing up: will you please tell me?

he still can say no to her and confesses his story

and when he's finished telling the tale of star tears, the stars above are twinkling too

she's crying and choking and sobbing through tears and its intensified by baby Iida with pregnancy hormones

But the last thing she manages to croak out at the very least is still wholly her

She apologizes

“Im so sorry Todoroki- san. I cant love you that way.”

“I know.”

END NOTES:

red is the last color Todoroki wanted to lose because it reminds him of Momo

during missions, as long as he could see her, “that’s ok” he thought. she is the only one he sees in color. that is okay with him

to him, Momo is his shining star. And there’s something tragically poetic of him losing his sight to the stars if its for his shining star Momo

He leaves the last stars in a tiny little jar like those paper stars as a gift for her with just the words on a note "goodbye Momo" the day after she finds him in Yokohama

Momo has the jar of stars forever on her bedside and looks at them with this melancholy expression. Baby Iida grows up and asks mom: "what is that jar of stars?"

Momo responds: "a gift from someone that was blinded by love"

Bakugou in this timeline had a case of star tears too but I'd like to think he got his feelings requited so he never went blind to contrast Todo

So thats why Baku is (begrudgingly) sympathetic to Todo cuz he thinks: “that could’ve been me”

The ending shot of a blind Todoroki in a dark room, all alone, eyes closed, thinking back to Momo's shining smile from UA surrounded by star light with a sad smile on his face and it fades to black

> archives masterpost

#todomomo #todoroki shouto #momo yaoyorozu #tdmm star tear au #ruiyukis unfinished aus #sorry not sorry #for spamming the tag #this ones my baby #angst angst baby #oops heres a bandaid for your heart #buckle up yall it just gets worse from here

4 notes · View notes

benhardyisdaddy · 6 years

Text

the breakup - part 1

MASTERLIST

Ben!RogerxReader

Word Count: 2,008

(OMG i feel like this is soooo long for chapter 1, but I had to really get the ball rolling SO IM SORRY IF IT FEELS LIKE IT DRAGS ON but i have so many ideas for this sksksksks)

It had started off with little things.

Unreturned phone calls. The dishes in the sink he had promised to do, unwashed. Late night recording sessions he had forgotten to mention about. Dinner dates he had missed. All of these things had upset you, but you chose to ignore them because you loved him. But this time it was different. This time it was important. Personal. Probably the biggest thing to happen to you and your career.

You had been excited all day. Butterflies made a home in your stomach and your heart raced every time you thought about it. You took in a deep breath and checked your phone. Nothing. Shocker. You had called and texted Rog to remind him about tonight, but he never responded back. You close your phone and toss it on your bed. The bed that was still a mess even tho Rog had been the last one to get up. You shake your head and begin to get ready.

You finish your hair and makeup and change into your favorite black dress. The one that Roger loves. You apply another layer of lipstick and slip on your pair of heels. You look at yourself in the mirror once more and force yourself to smile. Tonight will be a good night. He’ll show up.

You grab your purse and exit your apartment and lock the door. Your cab is waiting outside of your place and you slide in. You give the man the address and say a silent prayer that Rog shows up. You finally arrive to your destination and check your phone again. Nothing. You pay the man and get out. You look up to the giant, tall building and smile. Finally.

You are at your very own art show. The word had spread around and it became a popular topic in the area. People were outside talking and smoking. You took a step forward and felt like everyone was staring at you. You wish Rog was next to you right now. He always knew how to calm your nerves during times like these.

You make your way inside and you’re immediately greeted by your manager Flynn. He’s a older man, handsome with piercing blue eyes. He smiles and you can’t help but smile back. You knew exactly why Roger didn’t like him.

“Ah, y/n! There you are!” he says as he engulfs you into a hug.

You return the hug and straighten your dress.

“It’s packed in here!” you say loudly, due to the music that’s playing.

You look around and your art fills the walls. There’s multiple people standing in front of them all, drink in hand, as they all discuss the pieces.

“Of course it! Have you seen your art? You’re a prodigy. Everyone wants a taste.” he says with a wink.

You shift and chuckle uncomfortably.

The night continued and still no sign of Roger. It had been 4 hours and it was nearing midnight. You had decided earlier to allow yourself a drink. And then 2 drinks. And then 3 and 4. You had loosened up and enjoyed yourself tremendously. By the time the night ended, a giant speech was made in your name and everyone cheered for you. But the one face you wish was in the crowd, wasn’t.

“That’s the last person.” Flynn says as he watches them exit.

Your heart sinks as the two of you make your way outside. Your cab was here.

“Every piece.” he says.

You look up confused.

“Every piece has been sold, y/n.”

You finally wrap your head around what he’s saying and a huge smile spreads across your face.

“Every piece?!” you whisper.

He nods his head and you close your eyes and squeal. You take a step and hug him. You thank him for everything and hop into the cab. The adrenaline pumping through your veins was an amazing feeling. That is until you remembered Roger had completely ditched you on the most important night of your life. You quickly arrived home and hurry upstairs. You unlock the door and shut it.

“Rog?” you called out.

Nothing.

You exhale and slip off your shoes. You pour yourself a glass of wine and lean against the kitchen counter. You didn't want to cry. You hated to cry, but the hurt you felt was impossible to not cry. Tears quickly spilled and you tried to wipe them away, but it was no use.

The noise of your front door handle jiggling made you stand up straight, sniffling. In walks Rog. He tries to quietly close the door as you make your way around the counter to stare at him. He slowly turns and jumps back a bit when he sees you.

“Jesus, babe. You scared the shit out of me.” He lightly chuckles, but you’re not laughing.

He notices your tear stained cheeks and eventually realizes how dressed up you are.

“Y/n? Are you okay?” he asks worried and takes a step forward.

You take a step back, not allowing him to comfort you.

“You weren’t there.” is all you whisper, as tears threaten to spill again.

He cocks his head confused and furrows his brows.

“You said you’d be there and you weren’t.” you say as your voice cracks.

Roger quickly understands what you mean and he closes his eyes and puts his hands over his face.

“Oh my god. Baby, I forgot,” he starts.

He looks up and you’re speed walking away from him. He rushes to you, still apologizing.

“I’m so sorry! We wrote a new song and were practicing all night. Time slipped away and-”

“And what!?” you shout at him, turning around and taking a step. “And you forgot about me?! Again?!” you yell again, still crying.

He sees the hurt on your face and wants nothing more than to comfort you. He reaches for your hand and you pull it back fast. Something you never do. He’s shocked.

“Again?” he asks quietly.

You exhale loudly and turn to walk to your closet.

“This isn’t the first time you’ve forgotten about me, Roger.” you say loudly.

“I’ve never forgotten about you!” he argues back.

You turn around once more to face him, crying again.

“Then why weren’t you there tonight?!” you yell.

He stares at you wide eyed and doesn’t know what to say.

“You still haven’t even asked me how it went.” you say offended.

“How did it go!?” he asked. He was honestly curious and was excited for you.

“I sold every piece.” you say, but no excitement in your voice.

Rog smiles and takes a step closer.

“Baby, that’s amazing! I knew you would!” he says.

You shake your head.

“This was the most important thing in the world to me,” you whisper, your voice cracking. “And I just wanted you there. But you weren’t. You never are anymore.” You speak the last line with venom.

You hiccup and wipe your eyes. He stares at you and you can tell he’s completely hurt. You know he feels awful for missing, but you were still so angry.

“I’m tired of coming second to your work, Rog. I would never miss something that was important to you! No matter what!”

He doesn’t say anything, because it’s true.

“This was important to me.” you whisper again.

“I’m so sorry,” he says with glossy eyes.

Your eyes never leave his.

“Me too,” you whisper. “So that’s why we should take a break. So you can really focus on your songs. I’m tired of feeling like a burden.”

Roger takes a step back. He looks like he’s just seen a ghost. He shakes his head fast.

“No, no, no! You’re not a burden! Ever! Please don’t say that!”

You roll your eyes and grab pajamas from your closet.

“Y/n,” he says.

“We need a break. Okay? This-” you say motioning between the two of you. “Is exhausting.”

“Is that really what you want?” he asks angry. “Then fine. Let’s take a break! So who’s leaving, huh? Who’s packing up everything and relocating their life?”

You’re taken back by his bluntness.

“Well it’s not me! My name’s on the lease!” you yell.

“Well it’s not me either! My name’s on the lease too!” he says back in the same tone.

“Well then have fun on the couch!” you scream.

“Yeah, I will!” he screams back. He turns around and slams the door behind him.

You sit on your bed and lower your head in defeat when a tiny knock on your door is heard.

“What!?” you yell out annoyed.

The door slowly opens and Roger’s head peeks in.

“I need some clothes.”

He slowly walks in and his eyes stare at you as if they’re screaming at you to tell him to stay. But you don’t. You can’t anymore. He grabs everything that he needs and walks to the door, refusing to make eye contact now.

He goes to walk out, but stops.

“I really am sorry.” he says quietly, not turning around. He walks out and shuts it behind him.

You stare at the door as tears stream down. You just wanted him to act like a boyfriend. But now he’s your ex. And he’s still living here. Great.

______________________________________

The next morning it had felt like a train had run you over. Your head pounded and your body ached. As well as your heart. Flashbacks of last night's episode took over your brain. You threw your hands over your face and exhaled loudly. You and Roger had broken up, but the two of you are stubborn and won’t leave the apartment.

You slowly sit up and stare at your bedroom door. You know just behind it, Roger was passed out on the couch. Serves him well for what he did. A break is what you two need, despite what he might think. You slowly slip from the warmth of your covers and stand up. You stretch and throw on your red silk robe and walk to slowly open your door.

You tiptoe to your living room and there on the couch is Roger sprawled out. He’s on his back and his hair is going in every direction. He has one arm raised over his head and the other rests on his lower stomach. You can spot a tiny bit of drool and can’t help but laugh. Roger stirs in his sleep and you quickly walk into the kitchen. How badly you wanted to kiss him and tell him good morning, but every time you think about him missing out on your art show, anger fills you.

You start a pot of coffee when you hear footsteps behind you. Out of habit, you wait for a pair of arms to hug you from behind, but it doesn’t happen. You slowly turn and Roger stands in front of you with sad, heavy eyes.

“Hi,” he whispers.

“Hi,” you whisper back.

Roger shifts uncomfortably and rubs the back of his neck, his eyes never leaving yours.

“Can’t we just forg-” he goes to say, but you cut him off.

“So you can still have half of your closet in the bedroom. We can divide the room in half if you want, or you can claim the couch like last night.” you state.

He looks at you and shakes his head. “You’re really going through with this, huh? Just throwing everything we have away?”

“You threw everything away the minute you chose music over me, Roger.”

You walk past him and back to your room.

“I didn’t choose it over you!” he yells. “You’re just mad I forgot your stupid art show!” he shouts.

You stop in your tracks and slowly turn around. Roger’s eyes go wide as he suddenly realized his choice of words. “I-I didn’t mean that… I didn’t mean stupid, it just came out…” he tries to say.

“Well I’m sorry for burdening you with my stupid art show. Won’t happen again.”

And with that you slam the door in his face.

#ben!roger x reader #roger taylor #queen #the breakup #fanfic #series #benhardyisdaddy #roger taylor imagine #rogertaylor #chapter 1

474 notes · View notes

aspiringhorrorauthor · 5 years

Text

Hey who wants to hear the miserable story about how I had to deal with loneliness this year? Feel free to scroll on I just need to write it down to, I suppose close the chapter on the story? Read if your curious, or maybe also need guidance, or just want to learn some tips on how to help someone dealing with it. This will be poorly structured it’s just... getting it off my chest I guess.

People talk sometimes about university students often struggling with loneliness, and often going overlooked because they’re not seen as ‘vulnerable’ as other populations. I mean, look! They’re in a city! They go out every night and piss off the locals! They can’t be lonely!

It started back in 2018 (yup, that far back), when my friends decided that it would be better for my mental health if I didn’t live with them. No lie, that was the actual fucking reason. I was heartbroken; I’ve missed out on a lot of typical “growing up! Yay!” Type things because of my mental health, trauma and bullying and the fact that “living with friends” was gonna be added to the list was fucking heart breaking. But I dealt with it, because I had no where else to turn. No one else to move in with. I cried for like 2 hours solid after they so sweetly told me they didn’t want to live with me because I have *anxiety*. Not even one of the quote unquote “””scary””” mental illnesses (which would have been a MAJOR dick move), just plain old anxiety attacks and hiding from people to calm down. I proceeded to have break downs every Wednesday for 3 months while searching for somewhere to live, bc it was always a stabbing reminder that I was so unwanted.

(They planned to move in with 2 other people so it’s not even like they were only searching for a flat to fit *just* them)

I study 300 miles away from home, literally the exact opposite part of the country. Despite not having many friends growing up I was never lonely because I had a great family who would always chase it away. Maybe I was lonely a bit at school, but I could always come home and my parents chased it away. It was recurrent, but not constant.

I got a place for the new academic year. Studio flat, great location, tiny and over priced to Hell but I was in a safe area which was great because *no one was looking out for me anymore*. I didn’t have flat mates to check I was alive everyday, no one to chat to when I got home. If I got sick, I was completely on my own. My next door neighbour is lovely, don’t get me wrong, but she’s a working professional, and I’m a second year student. Everyone else in studio flats are mature students, masters, phD students or working people. And me. I have so little in common with these people it’s tough to start a conversation with them.

My birthday is early in the academic year, so we didn’t celebrate it until about a month after. Half of my friends didn’t even bother, no card, no presents. Okay, fine, I’m not materialistic, but acknowledgement would have been nice I suppose. This is the only time they came around my flat, and they are the cake I baked to celebrate.

But they inexplicably started to just stop interacting with me. There were 5 of us, they’d pair up in lectures and only talk between themselves between lectures and left me sat quietly trying to speak to someone, ANYONE, because hello? I haven’t got FLATMATES. I talk to NO ONE outside of this “friendship” group. They don’t seem to care much, they just keep telling me how wonderful it must be to live in a studio.

They invited me round to celebrate another friend’s birthday at their shared flat. He gets presents from everyone, including the two that left me out. Their flat looks lived in, there’s board games out while I don’t have room for any of them in mine. They’ve got bean bags everywhere it looks so damn nice. “But your kitchen is bigger than ours!” Eve tried to tell me (an absolute LIE), but they don’t roll out of bed and immediately land in the kitchen. They don’t have to chose between watching tv, eating or living the flat any time they want to dry clothes bc there’s no room. I want to cry throughout the visit, I storm off once were done. I don’t know why. I know now.

Loneliness feels like a weight on your chest. It’s a double edged sword where both edges only cut you. You desperately seek interaction but it also upsets you. I wanted to hang out at their flat because I hadn’t hung out with them in nearly a month at this point, but when I got there I realised they hung out together every. Single. Night. While I cried alone in my room. It made everything so much worse. And they laughed it off.

They stopped posting in the group chat, they talked to me even less. Never invited me out, but there’s no way I could prove *they* went out so it was pointless complaining about it. I was meant to go to a concert with one of them, I reminded her about tickets an entire month before, offered to buy hers. She cancelled 5 hours beforehand. I went alone.

It was a Toyah concert. I fought back sobs in the opening song “Good morning universe”, because it repeatedly asks “how are you today?”. I was awful. I finally had it figured out. I was lonely, isolated, and I didn’t know what to do.

Before anyone gets too sad, the story only continues for 2 weeks past this concert.

1st November, they joke about how Blake, friend number 4, practically lives at their flat, and I get angry. Why does HE get to live there? Blake has flatmates, Blake’s not alone! I should be practically living there because there’s NOTHING in my flat but silence. The internet is on the fritz and I’ve yet to figure out the tv, I don’t even have background noise except the kettle! I storm off, vow to never interact with them again.

I go out for drinks with my neighbour for her birthday. She buys me a pint of coke bc I don’t drink. I hate coke, but I drink it all and chat with her friends. It was a great night.

That weekend I bake pumpkin cake and bread for knitting society, and calm down. I overreacted a bit surely. One more chance, that’s all I’ll give them. The cake and bread doesn’t all get eaten at the society so I bring some for them on the Monday.

Tuesday night is bonfire night. I sit in my flat wishing I could go out and see them rather than just hear them, but I don’t know where to go. I have no one to go with.

Wednesday im sat in lectures beside them, and a friend not in the group but still a friend comes over to chat. One of them excitedly tells her about how they went to a display last night “look at these photos I got of (friend in group)!” I ask if they went out last night, the phone is quickly put away, they ignore me. I ask again. The friend outside of the group is confused and leaves before the lecture starts. I spend 3 hours with loneliness ripping out my lungs, because how could they? They could’ve dropped me a message to say they were going and I could meet up, but they didn’t even do that? Why?

After the lectures finished I corner one of them. The first of my friends at university. The first person on my course I befriended. “Did you go out last night?” “Yes” “without me?” Another runs up “it was last minute it wasn’t planned!” Laughs it off. So I rush off. I don’t say good bye. That was it.

I went home and cried. Told my parents what happened. Cried down the phone to them. “It’s time to cut ties with them”. I know it is. It’s still hard.

So yeah. Miserable story. But any sad story should have a happy ending, right?

Yes.

The next day I told someone what had happened. She immediately called it bullshit and invited me to join her friends. They’re really nice. I like them.

I left the old group chat. No explanation, just “I’m hanging out with X now. Laters” and I left. I wrote my frustrations and explanation in a shitty poem, called it shitty in the poem itself, but also said they didn’t deserve better. They didn’t deserve even that, so I didn’t send it. I think it was a very sexy decision of mine.

But most importantly, through the hardest points, most of my weekly socialisation every week came from the two societies im part of: my society (knitting) and the nerd society. 4 1/2 hours a week of socialising isn’t enough, surprisingly. But it got me through.

But more importantly are the people I met there. I don’t want to tell them what happened, I fear they’ll be upset that they didn’t help more, but they helped so damn much. So much more than could ever be expected from anyone. That final Wednesday, when I’d cried my heart out, 2 people texted me out of the blue and lifted my spirits so much I laughed that evening where I’d cried in the day. Stupid texts too. “Baby rabbits and kittens, cos you’re a vet right?” And “I only just got this message, I would have LOVED some pumpkin cake 🙁”. Poor lads probably weren’t expecting the wild conversations we had afterwards but friendships blossomed from it. Sorry new friend, hope you like the cheese scone recipe you definitely did NOT see coming that day.

The society meets on a Thursday, but it was to be a video watching thing more than a social thing. Loneliness was still tearing me up inside, I wanted to talk to someone damnit! But I went because I needed cheering up. I laughed so hard, I sang theme songs with others, and we all went to the pub afterwards. I’d never been before, I planned to leave at half 10 so I could shower and go to sleep in reasonable time for a 9am lab. I got chatting to the cake boy at 22:25. By the time we left the bar and he’d had his fill of chocolate rolls at my flat (I offered, he was hungry and Sainsbury’s was closed) and I was in bed, it was 00:40. Oops.

But I wasn’t lonely anymore.

Whats there to learn? I suppose don’t take advantage of your friends. If someone is living alone, check on them OFTEN. Make sure you don’t just pair up for conversations in lectures. Invite people round more.

And don’t under estimate the power of a text message. The lack of one ruined one friendship, one daft one about pumpkin cake built another.

(And I baked cookies for my new friends and we ate them in front of the old friends. Get rekt).

#long post #loneliness

1 note · View note

intothedanvers-e · 6 years

Text

Young, Dumb, & Broke

Word Count: 1.3k

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: You just graduated high school and were ready to embark on your last summer of being a dumb teen and going on adventures before having to face the realities of the adult world. One day you were driving to a lake to meet some of your friends when your car broke down in the middle of nowhere. With no service and no gas stations around you wandered a little down the street and found one house where you went to ask for help. You expected to find an old couple living in the middle of nowhere, but a nice young British guy (Tom) answered the door. Due to unforeseen circumstances you spend the rest of the afternoon and most of the night together, but when it’s time to leave he says he wants to see you again. You exchange numbers with the cute British guy and embark on a long, secretive summer fling. You both lie about what you do for a living and what you were both doing in the middle of nowhere, but the moments you too bonded were all genuine. Will he find out about your plans after summer? Will you find out what he actually does for a living? Will this fling extend past summer?

Authors Note: hello everyone! first of all i know i missed an update last week, im so sorry ive hit really bad writers block with this series which i know is dumb bc im only on chapter 5 but ive been trying to get out of that funk recently which is also why this chapter is a little short. i hope you all understand :) thank you again for all the support in this series! i never thought this many people would like it <3 if you want to check out any of my other writing here’s my masterlist! if you have any feedback or comments please dont hesitate to send them my way!! yes i will keep updating this series on tuesdays! i hope i can shake this bad patch of writers block soon bc i genuinely enjoy writing this series so just bear with me and pls pls pls dont hate me. ok i love yall <3

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Chapter 5

You endured through your 8 hour shift without saying much to any of your co-workers. You would usually jump at any opportunity to tell your best friend about what happened to you, but to be completely honest you were still hurt about what happened the night of the bonfire. She quickly caught on that you were giving her the silent treatment and asked the manager to move her position for the day. You weren’t going to lie, it fucking sucked feeling like your best friend didn’t give a shit about you. You knew you only had about half an hour left of work at the restaurant and luckily you got to clock out before the big afternoon wave. You didn’t want to admit it to yourself but you were really excited about being able to see Tom again. The two of you had made plans for just around sunset, which gave you enough time to get home and get yourself ready and go out with him in an actually decent cute outfit.

“Table 8 got customers,” your manager said to you, snapping you out of your daydream.

You nodded and walked over to table 8. At it were two beautifully stunning women. You handed them two menus and smiled.

“Hi I’m Y/N I’ll be your server this afternoon, can I get you guys started on anything? Drinks?”

The two women gave each other a sneaky smile.

“Um we’re waiting for three of our friends they’ll be here in like 30 to 45 minutes. Can we just order drinks and like a small appetizer and then fully order when they get here?”

“Yeah that’s fine. Unfortunately, I’m clocking out in about 30 minutes so if they don’t get here by then my co-worker Brenda will take their orders.”

They looked at each other slightly disappointed.

“Okay I’ll take a Sprite. You Z?”

“I’ll take a coke. What would you recommend for the appetizer? My friend here Laura is lactose intolerant so it can’t be the mozzarella sticks unfortunately.”

“Honestly I think we have really good garlic bread. It’s handmade and comes with this amazing homemade marinara sauce.”

“I trust you Y/N, we’ll have an order of that.”

You wrote it down on your order pad and smiled.

“I’ll bring those drinks right out to you.”

You got the drinks for them and took it to them. They were both smiling and giggling before you walked to their table but stopped as soon as you got there.

“Hey Y/N are you from around here?” the one her friend called Z asked you.

“Yeah I am. Not too far from here.”

“Do you know where we can get some really good Mexican food? Not that this restaurant isn’t amazing already but a girl needs her burrito fix sometimes.”

“Yes I do actually!” you said taking out your order notepad, “I can write the address for you guys. They have the best salsas there, no joke.”

You ripped the paper and handed it to them.

“Y/N you are a lifesaver. The best waitress we’ve encountered here so far.”

You wrote your name on the paper and smiled.

“I know the owner, if you mention me and order the deluxe salsa and chips she’ll give you the salsa she usually saves for her regular customers.”

“You’re a real one,” the girl named Laura said smiling at you.

You walked back over to the registers where you heard the cooks gossiping about some people.

“Yeah they’re part of the thing that shut down all of downtown!” the main cooks said.

“Wait who?” you said sticking your head in the window that connected the kitchen and the register.

“The girls on 8. They’re actresses.”

You made a surprised face. They seemed so nice and genuine. The cook slid you a plate with garlic breads and a bowl with marinara sauce. You grabbed it and took it back to the girls.

“Here you are girls. Unfortunately, I am clocking out for the afternoon so my co-worker Brenda will be helping you from here on out.”

“Aw man! We were hoping to introduce our new friend to our friends, but I guess they’re taking longer than expected. Well it was nice to meet you Y/N, we will definitely be back here to see you again.”

“I’ll be here all summer,” you said smiling at them.

They handed you a 50-dollar bill.

“From two former waitresses who know how much doing this sucks. You are one of the good ones.”

You smiled at them and put it in your pocket.

“Thank you ladies. I hope you’re enjoying my city and I look forward to seeing you both again.”

You walked to the backroom and clocked out. You were going to leave out of the front like you always do but you didn’t want to risk seeing your “best friend” so you left out the backdoor. You got into your car and drove home with a huge smile on your face.

A few hours later you were dressed and doing your makeup. You didn’t want to overdo it so you did some natural looking makeup. You finished by 5:30, an hour before you were supposed to go get Tom. You went downstairs to make yourself busy, but came face to face with your mom bringing her luggage inside.

“There you are,” she said locking the front door.

You froze on the last step of your stairs.

“Didn’t realize you were back.”

“Came home as soon as I heard the voicemail you left me.”

“But you didn’t think to call me or text me or maybe ask what happened?”

“I came home didn’t I?”

You sighed and started climbing up the stairs again.

“Well it was taken care of so you shouldn’t have.”

“What do you mean?”

You didn’t answer and went upstairs to grab your bag and a jacket. You came back down to your mom standing at the bottom of the stairs checking all her bank statements.

“What do you mean it’s taken care of, I don’t have a charge on the card?”

You grabbed the car keys off the table next to the front door.

“I took care of it, alone. Again. I’m going out, don’t wait up for me.”

Before she could say anything you walked out the door, and took off in your car.

You arrived at Tom’s house about 30 minutes earlier than you were supposed to be there. You were going to call him but then remembered this was a dead zone in terms of phone signal. You parked your car in his driveway and went to knock on the front door. You heard footsteps, and suddenly a shirtless Tom with a towel wrapped around his waist opened the door. You’d seen him shirtless before, I mean you guys were in the pool late at night, but this time it really caught you off guard. You looked up at the ceiling and apologized.

“Shit sorry, I just uhh left my house a little earlier so I got here earlier and I was gonna call you but um- “

“Yeah no service, that’s fine. I was just getting out of the shower. Come on in.”

You walked behind him, still refusing to look at him. You were trying to hide how flustered you felt.

“Are you ok?”

You sat on the couch and looked at your feet.

“Yeah why?”

“You just haven’t looked at me,” he said laughing.

“I, uh, didn’t know if you wanted me to so.”

“I don’t mind.”

You looked at him as he stood there with a cheeky grin on his face.

“Go get ready Holland!” you said throwing a couch pillow at him.

“I’m just saying if you feel inclined to end the date early, be my guest.”

You gave him a fake shocked expression.

“You’d have to be lucky enough to get at least 4 or 5 dates before that Holland,” you said winking at him playfully.

“Oh look forward to it baby,” he said before disappearing up the stairs.

What a flirty little shit.

Taglist: @hollandlovely @greenarrowhead @justanotherfangirl2015 @oh-dear-tommy @marvelnerdxinfinity @lafayettes-baguettes-1 @hollandhugs @tiredofallthetroubles @marvel-ing-at-it-all @built4broadway @lostandafraiddepressedgirl @isisqueenoffandoms @for-my-mind @hbmoore1986 @dafnouche @justapotatonow @bellagrayson-wayne @marvelousspidey @chemiste @maryylea

120 notes · View notes

all-hail-the-witcher · 6 years

Note

(Once you get the writing juice back) some Ralbert Angst?? But not too too too angst,,, like go far but have a happy end?? Idk

this didn’t really turn out the way I wanted it too

oh well

i also wrote it in the car while drinking a Starbucks strawberry frappe and honestly it wasn’t that great

_____________

ship: ralbert

genre: angst

warnings: mentions of bad previous relationships, emotional freak out (??)

word count: 1434

editing: um

_____________

Race woke up reaching for Albert only to realize that he wasn’t there.

Race shot up with a start. “Albert?” He called, stepping out of bed and pulling on a sweatshirt. “Albie where are you?”

He wandered through their apartment hesitantly looking in the kitchen, bathroom, living room and all of the closets for any sign of his boyfriend but he wasn’t there.

Finally, he reached for his phone and called him as a last resort. Maybe he had just run to the store and had forgotten to leave a note. But when he heard Albert’s phone ringing from the kitchen counter he slid down the wall in defeat, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Wherever Albert was, he didn’t want to be found.

•••

Elmer woke to find his best friend laying next to him. He jumped back in shock. Albert was still wearing his pajamas, indicating that he had come in sometime during the night. His eyes were also puffy and he could see dried tear tracks staining his cheeks.

Elmer sighed. This wasn’t the first time this had happened, but it was the first time it had happened while Albert was dating Race. Honestly, Elmer had been convinced he would never have to deal with this again, Race didn’t seem like the type of person who would intentionally hurt Albert, but Albert hadn’t exactly told Race about his past relationships so he might have accidentally done or said something to push Albert over the edge.

He sighed and put his arm gently around Albert, combing his fingers through his hair. Albert shifted under his touch, eyes opening slightly.

“Hey,” he whispered, snuggling closer to Elmer.

“Hi,” Elmer whispered back. “What’s up?”

Albert shrugged, his eyes shifting away from Elmer’s gaze.

Even after all this time, Elmer still remembered the standard questions to ask in this situation. “Are you physically hurt?” he asked.

“No.” Alright that was good.

“Does anyone know you’re here?”

A pause. “No.”

Elmer sighed. Race was going to be worried when he woke up and Albert wasn’t there. “Did he say something intentional or accidental?”

Albert considered for a moment. “Accidental,” he decided.

“Does he know you’re upset?”

Albert gave a small shake of his head.

Alright. Last question. “On a scale of 1-10 how bad is it?”

Albert glanced down at the bed while he thought. “Maybe like a 6 or a 7” he mumbled.

“Okay,” Elmer whispered. This wasn’t the worst it had ever been. In the back of his mind, a memory surfaced where Albert had shown up on his doorstep at 2 in the morning, crying and clutching his side, saying that it was a 12. He shuddered at the thought. “Do you wanna talk about it yet?”

Albert shook his head. “Could you just… I don’t know….. hold me for a little while?”

“Of course.” Elmer drew Albert into his chest, rubbing calming circles into his back. Albert tucked his head under Elmer’s chin, needing to be as close to him as possible. After a few minutes, he spoke up.

“Race said the L word last night. To me.”

Elmer breathed a sigh of relief. That wasn’t too bad. Still slightly inconvenient, but not the worst thing. “What did you say back?” He asked in return.

“Nothing,” Albert mumbled. “He thought I was asleep.”

“Well do you feel the same way about him?” Elmer asked gently.

Albert nodded into Elmer’s shoulder. “But I’m not ready to say that. Everyone’s who said that has left. I don’t want him to leave too.”

“I’m sure Race will understand,” Elmer reassured him. “He has his own baggage as well. And he’s always been fairly understanding of your feelings.”

“I guess,” Albert sniffled into Elmer’s chest. “I just don’t want to loose him, El. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“I know, I know.” Elmer’s heart went out to his friend, he’d been through so much and just when he’d managed to find the right person, something like this happened.

“He deserves to hear it though,” Albert whispered. “He’s the greatest person, I wish I could say it to him. It’s only 8 letters. Why can’t I say them Elmer?”

He sounded so heartbroken and sad. Elmer pulled him closer. “Everyone’s different. You’ll be able to say it one day, I promise.”

Albert seemed satisfied with this answer, so Elmer continued rubbing his back and providing all of the physical comfort that he could.

After about an hour, he pulled away. “I should call Race and tell him where you are. He’s probably worried sick.”

“No!” Albert protested. “I don’t want to see him yet!”

“Shh, shh, it’s okay, you don’t have to see him right away,” Elmer comforted him. “I just want to let him know that you’re okay so he doesn’t have a panic attack, alright?”

“Okay,” Albert mumbled.

Elmer reached over and picked up his phone to call Race. As soon as he turned on his phone it was flooded by messages from the group chat. He scrolled through them quickly.

racegoesnyoom: anyone got a 20 on alkackjelly: nospotthedifference: isnt he with you at your apt ?montagues4ever: ^^^racegoesnyoom: no i woke up and he was gonewelovethecrutch: im sure hes not farracegoesnyoom: im just worried something happened to himmom: I’m sure he’s fine, Race. Let us know when you find him.

“Race is worried about you,” Elmer said while he waited for Race to pick up. “He texted the group chat.”

“Tell him I’m fine,” Albert mumbled, rolling over.

Elmer laughed. “Will do.”

“Hello?” Race answered the phone, he sounded distressed.

“Hey Race,” Elmer said. “I just thought I’d tell you, I’ve got Albert at my place.”

“Oh, thank god,” the relief in Races voice was evident. “Is he okay? What happened?”

“He’s fine,” Elmer said. “He’s just a little rattled.”

“Why? What happened? Did I do something?”

“Wellllll,” Elmer looked over at Albert and he nodded to continue, “sorta. You see, aparently last night you thought Albert was asleep and you told him you loved him..?”

“Oh, he wasn’t supposed to hear that,” Race sighed.

“I know,” Elmer said. “But, see, he’s had some negative experiences with people telling him that they loved him. So, when you said that, he kinda freaked out. He came to my place sometime last night.”

“Oh, I- I didn’t mean to…” Race sounded close to tears.

“I know. He knows that too,” Elmer said quickly. “It doesn’t change anything between you two, he’s just not ready for that yet.”

“Okay, I understand,” Race said. “When can I come get him?”

“Probably like an hour,” Elmer said and Albert nodded from his spot on the bed.

“Okay, I’ll be there. Tell Al-” he hesitated. “Tell him I’m sorry.” Then he hung up.

Elmer placed his phone back on the night table, and wrapped his arms back around Albert. “Race says he’s sorry.”

“He’s got no reason to be,” Albert said. “I’m the one that’s screwed up.”

“Al, you’re not-”

“Just don’t, El,” Albert sighed. “Just don't.”

Elmer sighed and wrapped his arms around Albert again. “You’re not screwed up,” he whispered.

•••

An hour later the doorbell rang and Albert stayed on the bed when Elmer jumped up to answer it.

A minute later he returned with one very worried Race in tow. He stood awkwardly in the doorway, trying to figure out what to do.

Albert stared at Race for a moment until he became overwhelmed by the need to hold him and jumped off the bed, throwing his arms around him.

“I was so worried about you,” Race whispered. “You can’t just disappear like that.”

“I’m sorry,” Albert apologized. “But I was freaked out and I always used to go to Elmer when I was having relationship problems.”

“What kind of problems?” Race asked concernedly. “If you’re comfortable sharing.”

Albert took a deep breath. “Abuse, cheating, that kind of stuff.”

Races arms tightened around him and he could feel his shoulders shaking. Was Race crying? “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know,” Albert said. “It doesn’t matter anymore anyway.”

“Yes it does,” Race insisted. “You mean everything to me. I want to know these things.”

“Okay,” Albert whispered.

“And I’m sorry for saying that last night,” Race added. “I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay,” Albert reassured him. “I’m fine now.”

Race continued to stand with his arms around Albert, running his fingers through his hair and whispering I’m sorry over and over.

After a few minutes, Albert pulled away. “Can we go home and cuddle?”

“Of course babe.”

________________

this was not good.

I give it a 64.2/100

feedback is always appreciated hmu via ask to be on the tag list

tag list

@fairly-awkward-trashcan

@well-the-kids-do-too

@racetrackcook

@bouncyscreamingnewsboys

@ughwaitwhat

@aw-jus-let-em-try

@ben-cook-can-cook

@the-woild-is-my-what-now

@elmer-s-s0cks

@voice-foundshoe-lost

@galaxy-trees13

@stopthe-presses

@ridin-in-style

@pinecovewoods

@imjusttheoutgoingsidekick

@i-got-no-clue-what-im-doing

@bencookisagod

@be-more-chill-evan-hansen

@hellasoulless

@stellar-alpaca

@saxoph-ella

@disney-princess-sized

#saphie scribbles #ralbert #i hate this

49 notes · View notes

sockablock · 6 years

Text

“Can you do 35 (bathtub fic) and 95 (sleep intimacy) for vaxleth? also its no rush or anything, I cant imagine the number of requests youve gotten.”

@bkfstprincess IM SORRY I DIDN’T FORGET ABOUT YOU I JUST SUCK SOMETIMES AND I REALLY WANTED TO MAKE THIS WORK I HOPE ITS OK

• • • • •

“Oh no, Vax’ildan,” Keyleth laughed, throwing a towel at his head from where she sat on the sheets, “you’re not getting into bed until you’ve dried your hair. Hurry up, or I’ll fall asleep without you.”

Vax lifted the cloth away from his face and pouted. “Aw, Kiki, come on! You’re the Voice of the Tempest! Just today you fought a kraken hundreds of feet deep in the ocean. A little water isn’t going to hurt you.”

Keyleth rolled her eyes. “It’s not official yet, you know. And maybe it won’t hurt, but it’ll definitely annoy me enough to keep me up all night.”

“Oh?” Vax grinned. “And what if that’s exactly what I want to do?”

She immediately shook her head. “No way, not tonight.”

"Shit,” he said immediately, “sorry, I should have—”

She balked and looked away. “No, no, it’s not that, it’s just, well...Vax, you shouldn’t be straining yourself.”

“Oh, that’s no problem,” he grinned, and cheekily tried to meet her gaze. “I mean, I certainly would like to.”

“No, no, you need to rest.”

“I’ve just gotten all the rest I need, though.”

“Oh, gods, Vax! Don’t joke like that.”

“Why not, Kiki?” he laughed. “What’s the harm in—”

Her head whipped up towards him, and he froze. His heart sank as suddenly saw her eyes, wide and heavy with grief.

“Shit,” he said again, softer this time. He dropped the towel and took a step closer. “Shit, I’m, um, I’m sorry, Keyleth.”

She shook her head again and sighed. “No, no, it’s alright,” she said, wiping the tears away. “I just...I don’t know why I feel like this. You’re right, we should be celebrating, I should be happy that you’re here.”

“Aw, jeez, no, Keyleth, you have every right to be upset. I mean...I was dead a few hours ago. And, and you had to deal with that.”

She snorted. “You had to deal with it more than I, Vax. You’re the one who...well...” Her shoulders slumped. “On my watch, too. I was supposed to be the leader. To keep us all safe. But then everything went so wrong and I had to leave our friends behind and they barely made it out, and, and...”

He joined her on the bed and she buried her face into his chest.

“I failed,” she murmured. “You died.”

“I’m not dead anymore,” he said softly, and rubbed a hand against her back. “You didn’t fail. And maybe the mission didn’t go as well as you’d have liked, but you learned from it, yes? You’ve grown, yes? And we’re all still here, yes?”

She nodded.

“Alright then,” he whispered. “Then it’s okay. In the end, that’s all we can hope for, yeah? And really, it’s all that matters.”

She slowly pulled away, wiped her cheeks with her sleeve. “The Raven Queen has seriously rubbed off on you,” she said.

He tried for a small smile. “Is that good?” he asked.

She raised an eyebrow. “I’m not completely sure yet, to be honest. I think so.”

“If it helps, there’s only one all-powerful force of nature, wrapped up into a beautiful goddess, in my heart.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes,” he grinned, and took her hands in his. “Her name is Keyleth of the Air Ashari, and she just finished her Aramente.”

A small spark glimmered in Keyleth’s eyes. “I did, didn’t I?” she said. “I did just finish my Aramente.”

He nodded, his smile grew wider. “You did, Kiki. You did.”

She giggled. “And you were right there with me, the whole way. Everyone was. We finished my Aramente, together.”

“Does this mean I get to be Voice of the Tempest too?”

She laughed this time, a loud and bright sound. “Maybe you should start small,” she said. “You can be the Voice’s right hand.”

He chuckled. “I think I could handle being the Voice’s shadow. Yeah, actually, that sounds pretty nice.”

“Really? That’s all you want?”

Vax leaned in, put his forehead against hers, spoke softly. “If it means I get to follow you for all eternity, and never leave your side? Then yes. It is all I want.”

She stroked his cheek. “What did I do to deserve you?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he whispered. “You put up with my sister, that’s a big one. And you’ve healed me more times than I can count, and you’ve always been patient with me, and there was that one time we both tied bows into Trinket’s fur—”

She pulled back, laughing again. “I see,” she said. “Well, you certainly know the way to a woman’s heart, huh?”

“And a man’s,” Vax quipped. “But at the moment, I think, those skills won’t be too necessary.”

Keyleth smiled, but then the expression faded just slightly. “I really do think we should try to easy tonight, though, just in case. Is...is that alright?”

Vax nodded immediately. “Of course,” he said. “You’re usually right about these things anyhow.”

“And it might be nice to just...be still, for a while.”

“Right.”

“Although,” she said, “although there is one thing I need you to do for me.”

“Anything, Kiki.”

She nodded. “Wonderful. Go dry your hair.”

There was a moment’s pause.

“After everything I just said? All those beautiful words and praises just for you, Keyleth? After all of my undying love and adoration? You’re really going to make me get up and get that towel off the floor and spend the next half an hour drying my hair when I could be deep in your beautiful arms?”

“Yes, yes, hurry up, now. I’m tired, and this lovely bed is getting cold.

He gave her a long, offended stare. Then he stood up and theatrically skulked across the room.

And then, after a good forty-five minutes, he climbed back into bed, let Keyleth drape herself around him, curled up into the warmth between her arms, and soon, they both fell asleep.

And then after that, after they had both woken up a few hours later and decided together that perhaps, perhaps maybe sleep wasn’t the best way to celebrate the night after all, perhaps they should allow a little strain and a little excitement instead, well then, in that case, perhaps maybe they pushed the covers down and perhaps maybe they welcomed a bit of fun into the evening.

And then after that, perhaps it is true that a large metal construct carefully opened their door, scared the ever-loving shit out of the both of them, cheerfully scribbled down a series of incredibly detailed brushstrokes, and swiftly bolted, shutting the door gently behind it.

And then, and then, more-or-less, after the bewildered exclamations and the exhausted sighs, the confused ranting and the resigned laughter, finally, after that, then finally, the night was theirs and theirs alone, again.

• • • • •

aaaaand, that’s a wrap on the 1k follwers fic requests! Thank you guys so so much for sending them in! I had a ton of fun with each one, and it was an amazing amazing challenge to do. I might open up the ol’ inbox again for the next milestone (i already know what I want to do) and I really hope you guys enjoyed reading these! All in all, I wrote 30 over the last month, most in the first two weeks and then i waited forever to finish this last one (sorry again!) Mostly campaign 2, with a few 1′s thrown in for color. You guys knocked it out of the park, and I feel so lucky to have such wonderful followers!

If you’d like to read them all, click here! If you feel like funding my writerly activities, please consider a coffee right here! Thanks again and <333 y’all

44 notes · View notes

riptidehoran · 6 years

Text

Hi lovers, im typing this from the death pits of my bed as I just woke up from the littest and bestest night of my life with Niall at the Flicker World Tour in Singapore. I’ll try to recall as much as I can about the whole experience from the soundcheck, M&G and the concert.

Soundcheck:

I was right smack in the middle and second row for soundcheck. We were all seated and anxiously waiting for Niall to come out so we were all just casually talking and all of a sudden with no warning whatsoever he just came out along with the band. It really took me by surprise (no pun intended lmao) like this bitch just came out of nowhere and made me tear up shshfdhfjfv. He then said his greetings to Singapore and then started playing On The Loose, You & Me and Fire Away which sounded really amazing everyone were singing and jamming/swaying to the songs. After the songs ended, everyone was screaming and he started covering his ears and had this freaked out look on his face lmao this boy is so dramatic I swear to god we weren’t really that loud ajnjdsncjs. He then started to tell us to calm down and asked us if we watch High School Musical and started to lead the Sharpay breathing exercise lmao.

After everyone quieten down, he started talking about how good it was to be back in Singapore and how hot Singapore is (like literally it’s 31-32 degrees Celsius outside and really humid, the moment I step outside im drenched in sweat idk how I survived in this weather for the past 20 years it’s summer everyday). He even said he played golf at 8am earlier and he felt like he’s having a heatstroke and was drenched in sweat just by standing there and was like “nah I can’t do this can I” HAHAHA. He went like “Jesus how did you all survive in this weather but obviously all of you have climatized to it” and pointed behind him where there were all sorts of drinks from plain water to sweet drinks and how he had to drinks gallons of water to keep himself hydrated. And THEN a fan in front of me told him she was thirsty and HE GAVE HIS BOTTLED WATER TO HER. I think she got freaked out and was just standing still with the bottle in hand and they had a staring contest and Niall said I just gave you me water bottle so you better drink it but she was still hesitant to drink it and then he added “that better not be on E-Bay by 6pm”. Everyone around me started chanting “chug chug chug” and I joined in hahaha and then she started drinking from the bottle.

He then asked us if we were ready for Q&A and everyone lost the plot and screamed their heads off and he covered his ears again until a girl told everyone to shut up and then he pointed to her and said “that’s my girl right there” and that girl just lost the plot and shaking and screaming and everyone started screaming again it was hilarious lmfao. One of his crew then came out with a few coloured post-it notes in hand where we wrote our questions for Niall. One of the questions was if he’d rather win the grammys or the masters tournament, which was a really good qn im honestly curious. He started talking bout how the theatre looks like it’s in the grammys and added “Not that I know how it feels to be there”. But really though, this man deserves a Grammy someone give it to him pls he deserves it so much. Cant even remember if he even answered the qn bc he was talking about nice the theatre is and how he would always research on the venues he’ll be playing. Another qn was something about his guitars. He said that he’s got an old Gibson with him and that he’d play for us later and added that it needs careful attention bc on the road it will always need some sort of repairing and fixing. He then quipped that one of his crew who’s a guitar technician has made guitars from scratch and everyone started applauding and cheering for him even though he was backstage. He started talking about Jake like how you can spend just 2 hours listening to him talking about guitars and 2 hours is not enough hahaha. Another qn was something like how he’s gonna spend his time after the tour. He said that he’ll be chilling for a while and then focus on making his new album but not to expect it very soon as he’s trying to make the right sound for his new album. A fan then quipped that he can take his own time and this boy just cocked his hips out with his hands on his hips and said “oh yeah I’ll take my sweet ass time” jjsbjfidnsjcsdn. Another qn was something like if he remembers any faces during the concerts. He said that he generally remembers the ones in the first few rows and those that have attended a few of his shows. He then added how ridiculous for some fans to come to him and asked him if he remembers them from 2014 dcjdbcjd. He answered a few more qns which was a blur I cant remember sorry!!! It went by so fast though like 30-35 mins?? Honestly the soundcheck was a blast, he’s so cheeky and sarcastic and sassy and he engaged and interacted with everyone which was so captivating and charming about him im so heart eyes for him.

Meet & Greet:

Right after the soundcheck was m&g which got my heart beating so fast and anxious about. Thank god I was the last few people to go which gives me time to calm down and realign my train of thoughts. When it was my turn to go, I took a peek behind the board and he was right there but he was busy passing a letter to one of the crew a fan gave to him who went before me. I just went straight in and patiently waited beside him and gawking at him because he was just so beautiful and calming to look at fjvdjvjbjdn. Idk why but at that point of time I didn’t feel nervous at all but not until he turned towards me and I had a fucking mental breakdown bc his eyes were so blue it’s so pretty and his face was so smooth and shaved. I was too busy looking into his eyes that I didn’t realise that he smiled at me and pulled me into a hug and asked “how are you you good?” I replied with “yeah Im really good how are you” but I didn’t hear his reply bc I was too busy burying my face into his shoulder and breathing deep into his shirt to smell him ahhhssdfjs. YALL HE SMELLS SO FRESH AND IT REMINDS ME OF A SCENTED CANDLE THAT JUST CALMS YOU DOWN AND MAKES YOUR BODY WARM UP (or was that just me lmfaoooo). The scent isn’t strong at all like I literally had to take a good sniff from his shirt to be able to smell it!!!! While that his arms were around my waist and shoulder and his grip felt SO FIRM AROUND ME. He then pulled away and pulled me into a side hug and we took a picture and I realised that I didn’t wrap my other arm across his front and I quickly did and THEN he fucking put his other arm that was free on my arm that I just wrapped across his front and without even realising I was brushing my hand across his hairy arms ANJCNSJDNC IT’S SO SOFT AND HAIRY YALL UGHHHH. The photographer then took another shot before we pulled away and I turned back to him and started reaching out for the bracelet I made for him and a letter I wrote for him and passed it to him. I told him that I made him this bracelet that was matching with mine that I had on my wrist which has some chakra beads and his initials on it (mine with my initials of course). He was like “aw that’s really nice thank you” and saw the front of my postcard letter (which I managed to squeeze a good 2 pages of what I wanted to say to him) which said “Greetings from the World” and he read it out and thanked me again for the gift. I was about to leave when I asked him for another hug and we went straight for the hug and I started breathing into his shirt again lmao. When we pulled away, I told him he looks so different now that he shaved and I asked him why did he shave bc I love his beard and his sarcastic ass just scoffed and said “oh I shaved it by accident”. My dumbass of course shot him a confused look and said “what do you mean by accident???” before I left and said hi to mark and he smiled back and said hi :’) I just pray hard that my m&g photo will turn out nice!!!

Below is my gift to Niall!

Concert:

Well we all know the concert was lit I had a blast and I was so proud to be part of the paper houses fan project when he performed Paper Houses. The crowd was really beautiful even Niall was in awe and smiling the whole time and said “that’s beautiful” im sobbing. I cant emphasize the number of times Niall was talking about the warm weather in Singapore too hahaha. Cant help but to feel really touched when he said that he completely understands how expensive concert tickets can be and for picking his show to attend to out of the many tours going on even though he’s said it many times in previous shows. The only thing that he didn’t do during the concert was introducing the band to us which I was really looking forward to but it’s okay it was the best concert experience I ever had!! We stan a legend and talented man :’)

Thanks for tuning in to Farah’s diary entry hahaha peace out!!!

#this took me 3 hours to recall everything #am still in a dazed state that yesterday happened it felt unreal #now im back to watching my concert vids again and having the worst pcd #fwtsg

63 notes · View notes

hoodiehan · 7 years

Text

Lazy Days - Kim Seungmin Imagine

Synopsis: On Seungmin's day off, all he wants to do is laze around with you and doing absolutely nothing.

Genre: Fluff

Pairing: SeungminxReader

Word Count: 1595

A/N: I didn't edit this at all so I apologize for any grammar and spelling mistakes. I'll edit eventually but I just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Seungmin had woken up that morning with the sun shining in his eyes. He was about to groan and roll over when he felt something under his arm shifting slightly. Thinking that it was Jisung, Seungmin didn't think much about it until he heard a light, feminine sounding sigh come from the body next to him. Peeping his eye open, Seungmin saw you laying underneath him, dreaming away. He smiled thinking about last night's events; Seungmin had taken you out to dinner then too an arcade where you both spent the rest of your money challenging each other to car racing games, skee ball and what not.

Seungmin gazed down at you as you remained snuggled underneath his arm. Even in your sleep, you were still the cutest thing ever, in Seungmin's eyes. He sighed contentedly as he begin to slowly play with your hair and caress your face. When Seungmin became bored of being the only one awake, he began to poke your face. He repeatedly poked your cheek, specifically the place where your dimple was located whenever you smiled. Slowly but surely, your eyes slowly opened and found their way to Seungmin's face.

"Good morning!" Seungmin exclaimed, smiling widely.

You smiled back at him before closing your eyes and stretching while letting out a soft, "Good morning," as a reply back.

"It's Saturdaaay," Seungmin sang pulling you closer into his body, closing whatever minimal space was left between the two of you.

"Mmm, yes it is," You hummed hugging Seungmin's as you rested your head against his chest.

"What do you want to do today?" He asked taking your hand into his and twiddling with your fingers.

"Nothing," you replied looking back up at him.

"Nothing?" He questioned returning your gaze and looking back down at you.

"Yes. I'm feeling quite lazy today," you said placing your head back against his chest again. Seungmin's body vibrated with laughter and he chuckled at your response.

"I suppose we can have a lazy day. There's nothing to do today anyways." It took a while for the two of you to get out of bed, but when you finally did, it took you even longer to finally make it out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. After eating breakfast, the two of you settled on watching movies and lounging around on the couch as you simply enjoyed each other's company. It was later in the day when Seungmin had left you alone at the dorms so that he could run to the nearest market to get some food for the both of you. The minute Seungmin stepped back into the house and smelled the nail of nail polishes, he knew that he was in for it.

You were sitting on the floor with a bunch of nail polishes dispersed around you in a circle; you sitting in the middle of it as you pondered hard about which color to choose. Seungmin questioned whether he should pretend that he had never actually returned, but by the time he made up his mind to turn around and leave, you had already saw him.

"Seungmin!" You called out, a wide smile on your face and a playful glint in your eye.

"I'm back," he sighed. He already knew what you were going to ask. You had developed an obsession with nail art lately, and you were always trying to paint Seungmin's nails.

"Yes! You are back! Do you mind if I-" you began to start your plea, before Seungmin cut you off.

"No. Please, no. Don't you remember what happened last time?" Seungmin asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"What happened last time?" You asked, already having forgotten the events that had apparently occurred the last time you had painted on him.

"You painted my nails, and didn't wipe it off. Felix wouldn't let me live after he saw them!" At first, Seungmin was okay with the idea of you painting on him as he thought it was cute whenever you tried hard to make everything look pretty. But one day, you had purposely left his fingers drawn with the nail polishes. The members of Stray Kids saw his nails at practice the next day, and they would not let him live down the fact that he had a blue turtle painted on his pinkie finger. Felix had even gone so far to draw a blue turtle on post it notes and stick it onto Seungmin's bed post for nine days straight.

"Seungmiiiin," you whined from your place on the living room floor. "Please?" You asked letting out a small pout when he shook his head.

"No, Y/n," he replied crossing his arms disapprovingly.

"But it would look so good on you, I promise! Plus, I'm doing your fans a service, think of how happy all the fans will be when they see!" You exclaimed attempting to persuade him.

"No, Y/n. You are not painting my nails," Seungmin said. "You have terrible artistry skills, and I don't want you to end up painting my knuckle instead of my nail just because you have a terrible sense of how to use a brush." You pouted even more, your eyes widening and lips pursed outwards. "But... I've gotten better. I swear I have."

Seungmin sighed and uncrossed his arms. "Have you really?" He asked, his voice uncertain. You immediately straightened up your body, already prepared to take out your nail polishes.

"Yes! I have! I'm 100% better than last time, I've been practicing!"

Seungmin paused before giving up. "Fine you can paint my nails. But you're washing it off, right away!" He said pointing a finger at you. You grinned widely at him as he set down the groceries in the kitchen, then made his way over to you and sat down in front of all the nail polishes.

"What color do you want?"

And so it began. The next 2 hours were spent with you hunched over, attempting to paint the prettiest flower on Seungmin's middle finger while Seungmin sat back and watched you as you tried to paint the flower petals. When you had finished, the flower was no where near pretty. Yet Seungmin constantly reassured you that it appeared so life like, and he repeatedly said that he was in awe of how great of a job you did. The both of you knew that it wasn't beautiful in any way possible, but you still appreciated the fact that Seungmin praised anything you did.

The two of you ended your day baking cookies, since Seungmin had accidentally bought box cookie mix instead of a box of pasta. How he managed to mix up the two, you didn't understand. Especially since the box had a large picture of a cookie printed on it, rather than pasta. As the both of you worked in the kitchen, Seungmin insisted on putting all the ingredients together, while you mixed the batter together.

"And one teaspoon of sugar!" Seungmin pronounced, as he poured it all into the bowl filled with cookie batter. But the second he had tossed it into the bowl, you caught sight of the box that was held in his other hand.

"Wait Seungmin that's not sugar that's-" but it was too late. Seungmin had poured salt into the cookie mix, rather than sugar. "Salt," you ended your sentence. Seungmin's eyes widened as his eyes darted down to the contents that was held in his left hand.

"Oh." "Yeah." "Do you think it'll still be good?"

You stuck a spoon into the batter, and licked the contents off of it. "Well, it's pretty salty... Just like you!" You said. Seungmin began to protest when you hastily pressed a kiss against his lips to stop him from saying anything more.

When all the cookies were baked and ready to eat, the both of you sat on the couch with the plate filled of goodies in front of you. The tv played in the background, but none of you paid attention to it as you fed each other pieces of the chocolate chips cookies all the while giggling at each other's silliness. You both rambled on and on about random topics, and when you let out the first yawn, Seungmin insisted on you laying down. On the couch, the two of you laid down wrapped in each others arms just simply looking into each other's eyes until the two of you fell asleep.

When the other members of Stray Kids arrived back at the dorms, Felix was the first to notice the plate of cookies while the others gagged at how cute the two of you were, wrapped up in each other's sleeping. Felix took a bite of the cookie before coughing and looking for a napkin to spit out pieces of food.

"Why is this cookie so salty?"

A/N: iM SO SORRY THAT I DIDN'T EDIT THIS. But anywho, i'M TRYING TO SHOW MY BOY SEUNGMIN SOME LOOOVE so I wrote this for him. :'))) He's a precious boy who deserves all the happiness in the world.

I hope you enjoyed reading this, and thank you for taking the time to read it as well!!

-Maddy 💕

77 notes · View notes

teachers-are-nerds · 6 years

Text

why does my brain keep saying very loudly and rapidly “i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to fucking die” even though i absolutely do not want to die right now i dont even have the motivation to scream but i wonder if a solid scream would be cathartic

theres just so many things i need to complain about my heart is pounding so hard im in pain and im shaking and everything feels bad and i cant change my meds bc i cant contact my psychiatrist from france or like... more importantly figure out the logistics

i dont wanna go back to the states though bc gburg is probably gonna be hella toxic for me again even though my schedule for next year is super good and im super looking forward to it

why did i send home all of my sheet music and why didnt i send home my jackets holy wow that’s gonna be a lot of weight i cant pay for with the luggage on my way home

what if im not mentally ill enough for meds i know i have to change them bc at this moment i am NOT feeling helped by them but what if another med will make me even worse and what if i am actually just shitty at managing symptoms and how come everyone else seems to be able to manage or hide or work through their shit and i have to go and make a big fucking deal out of it all and i literally even wrote my prof like “hi btw ive been suicidal thats why i havent been in class” and that’s just using mental health as a fucking excuse it’s not like an hour and a half of sitting through a class from which i glean approximately nothing would actually kill me, as it were lol

i have to get the key to christine but that means 20 min walk home and 20 min walk back and maybe the sunlight will be good for me but i also need to write the other two pages of my paper that im obviously not doing now since im complaining and making a bajillion zillion posts all over social media lol it is a cry for help how come i cant make myself do the things i need to do im literally in physical pain because i cant make myself do the paper that was due an entire week ago !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how the actual fuck did i even graduate high school how did i fucking survive

well i mean i didnt drink in high school but i also got apx 3h of sleep a night so idk

im not drinking today though like i refuse to do that today bc money and also i need to just uhh not drink for a while because that’s what healthy people do. not day drink on weekdays.

i thought i was better abt that this year than last year but i guess not as much as i thought but at least im not sleeping in my friend’s bed every other night?? which is an improvement

god i fucking hate that i cut myself out of the queermmunity like that even though it’s better for me i just wish i did it in a more mature way im so fucking angry at myself im not even homesick at all i miss like 4 or 5 people from the states in total and i feel fucking awful that theres a bunch of people who will message me like “omg miss u” and i know i miss them too but like i feel like im lying when i respond “miss u 2″ and that isnt fair at all and i hate it i hate feeling like im lying to my friends i hate that i dont miss them i hate that this semester is supposedly the best semester of my life and i still have to convince myself not to step in front of a bus sometimes and i hate that The Brain Demons are clawing my stomach out from the inside but at least i havent purged in a while so there’s that and usually i can talk myself out of other self harm shit

and putting the content of my complaining post in the tags is to warn people if they read it but also it’s gonna make some people like OH NO UR IN DANGER LET ME READ THIS and i dont ?? i dont want that???????? but i also do???? good fucking lord i hate being such an attention whore

i hate that im a whore in general

like i dont regret any sexploits ive had whatever but i hate that i feel jealous of some people because i dont want to monopolize their lives and i dont want to prevent them from sharing love w other people i jsut want people to cuddle and kiss and be romantic with and it hurts but i also cant ocmplain abt it with my friends bc they also are like dammit i want a partner and me i have a few consistent sex partners but i want romantic partners but i need to change the people with whom i spend my time because they are not great for my mental health and i hate that bc i love them dearly but im destroying myself just in a different way from last year

the people i loved last year are driving me up a goddamn wall and i hate that i hate that i hate that so much bc i still care about them but im such an idiot i cant stand up for what feels right or against what feels wrong to me bc ill jsut get yelled at and i know that means i shouldnt be close to them im so hurting today

everything feels like too much and im shaking and still avoiding responsibilities and idk if writing this post is gonna get it out of my head enough bc on one hand i might tire myself out and not feel the need to write about it more to people and not have to bother them or like idk continue distracting conversations or maybe having people worry and try to talk to me will give me something to ignore so i can make myself write my paper idfk!!!!!!!!! but on the other hand uhh what if this is just going to make me fixate even more on my problems im screaming in sid e

oh ps im realizing that my family dynamic, while much much miuchn much much better than so fuckin many other people (feels conceited to say but im grateful for it and feel i cant or shouldnt talk abt it in case it triggers something in those with shitty home situations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) im recognizing that smth about the dynamic feels unstable as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what if i finish my paper, turn it in, sit for 20 minutes of class, go breathe, come back for the end

idfk othe rstudents need to talk to the prof too i cant monopolize him with the same content from my email to him and the same “i need help but idk what help i need” statement from last week or whatever

idk

idk idk idk will summer help me at all? will i live at home? will that be better or worse for me? can i remove all the materialism from my life? obv no but i feel i need to get rid of everything i own to cleanse myself of whatever and also i feel like cutting my own stomach and other organs out of myself but i obv cant and promise i wont try that lol

what work will i have or internships i dont have money i feel trapped will i hate myself forever will i be stuck in loops forever i will absolutely live long enough to find out and i will overcome things but like jesus chriiiiiiiiiiiiist im Not Good rn im sorry

yells

#blah blah blah #negative #suicide tw #i dont want to die but i want my brain to shut up #self harm tw #ed tw

9 notes · View notes