#i wrote this for class and i thought it was funny

[little-cereal-draws]

Mr. Einstein Has a Gun

Commander Rox sipped his coffee as he got out of his shiny black car. The parking lot of the aquarium was crawling with officers running to and fro; the lesser ranked ones were setting up barricades and commanding frightened families to stand back while the more experienced ones were clustered around large armored trucks, listening to equipment. Commander Rox confidently strode through the chaos; this was his playground. 

“Any progress?” he asked, stepping up to one of the vans. 

“Not yet, sir,” one of the officers responded. Her hair was pulled into a brown bun. 

“Hostages?” He handed his empty cup to one of the newbies. They scurried off to go throw it away.

“Seventeen, from what we can gather.”

“Hm. Any trouble yet?” 

“Not yet, sir. All the civilians have been safely evacuated. We’re pretty sure all the hostages are staff.”

Rox looked at the case brief he had been given when he was first alerted of the situation. “That would make sense given their proximity to the tanks. Do we have a line inside?”

“Yes, sir, we do. We have yet to actually speak to our perp, though. One of the staff members is acting as his ambassador.”

“Great. Patch me in.” Rox took a pair of black headphones from the back of the van and carefully put them on, careful not to bend the wire frames of his dark aviators. 

There was an anticipatory moment as the line rang. He had been doing hostage negotiations for almost thirty years and still the moment before the line was live tingled with anticipation. When he was younger, he would get the horrible thought that the perp killed all the hostages before picking up and everyone would blame him. Now, he knew that if that happened, his men would storm in and kill anyone who dared go against them. It was easier to stamp down the fear. 

The line clicked alive and a timid voice said, “Hello?”

“Hello,” he said smoothly, his fleeting fears forgotten, “this is Commander Rox with the NYPD. Who am I speaking with?”

“Um, Doctor Kelly Bluebond,” the voice responded.

“Excellent. Nice to meet you, Doctor. I apologize for the brief introduction of myself but I really must know if…” he checked the brief, “if Mr. Einstein is there.”

“Um, he is,” Kelly whispered.

“Alright. Don’t be afraid, Doctor, we’re going to get you out. Is anyone hurt?”

“No.”

“Fantastic. Can you ask Mr. Einstein if he has any demands?”

“Uh, he does. I was telling the other officer earlier, he wants oysters. But we can’t do that right now because they’re currently almost extinct from New York Harbor and the Oyster Project is trying to reintroduce them so we need to save them and we could get them imported but then they come frozen and he doesn’t like that and–”

“Excuse me, Doctor, but you said oysters? As in the food?” Rox raised an eyebrow. He had heard many insane requests in his day –private jets, millions in cash, full pardons– but this was a first.

“Yeah. And a $300 puzzle game he saw one of the keepers looking at on Amazon but we just don’t have the budget for that,” Kelly cried. 

“I– I’m sorry, a puzzle game?” Rox rubbed his temples. “We can get you a puzzle game. Wait– I’m sorry, I’m a bit confused. Your colleague, Mr. Einstein, is keeping you captive in return for oysters and a puzzle game?”

“Yes. And he can get very, very angry.” The sounds of Kelly crying came through Rox’s headphones.

“It’s alright, it’s alright,” Rox soothed. “You’re going to be OK. My men are the best goddamn men in New York. We’ll get you all out of there.”

“Thank you, thank you,” she whimpered. 

“Does Mr. Einstein have a history of being angry and violent when he doesn’t get what he wants?”

“Oh, yes, he bit me once while I was cleaning. He doesn’t like people touching his things.”

“He bit you? I… I’m so sorry to hear that. You should’ve filed a complaint with the police and we could’ve gotten him behind bars for assault years ago and avoided this whole situation. But I digress. None of that matters because we’re here now. I would like to speak with Mr. Einstein myself if that’s OK.”

Kelly sniffed. “You’re not going to get much out of him.”

“Don’t worry, I can break even the most hardened of criminals,” Rox said proudly. 

He felt a tap at his elbow and looked over to see the brown haired officer from before. Covering the mic on her headphones, she whispered, “Sir, Mr. Einstein is an octopus.”

Rox jumped back in surprise. “What?! Wait– what? Our perp –our seventeen hostage perp– is a fucking octopus?!” 

“I know, sir, it’s terrible,” the officer said, nodding gravely. “The NYPD has never dealt with anything like this before.”

Rox sputtered. “Wha– How– How the hell does an octopus even get seventeen hostages?!”

“Um, we informed you of the situation in your brief, sir.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He flipped the manilla folder open to read the brief again. “You said Mr. Einstein –of course his name is fucking Mr. Einstein, that makes sense now– was, and I quote, ‘armed and highly dangerous.’ How the hell is an octopus armed and dangerous?!”

“Well, he has eight arms, sir.”

Commander Rox rolled his eyes.

The officer nervously continued, “Apparently he somehow got out of his tank and found… a gun. We’re not sure how yet, firearms aren’t allowed in the aquarium but admittedly there is no security enforcing that besides a sign on the wall. But somehow Mr. Einstein got a gun and immediately started pointing it at the staff. At first, they figured he thought it was a new toy but when he fired a warning shot into the air, they knew he meant business. One of them called the police before they were rounded up and we evacuated everyone.”

“My god. An octopus can’t operate a firearm!” Rox shouted. He turned back to his mic. “This is highly illegal, calling in a fake active shooter threat like this, Doctor!”

“Octopi are actually highly intelligent,” Kelly said. “I am not surprised at all that he figured out how they work so quickly. He’s gotten out of his tank before and we thought we could just put him back this time like we did before but then he pulled out a gun! He’s not supposed to have a gun!”

Rox wiped a hand down his face. “OK, OK. I’m going to put an end to this once and for all. I’m going in.”

He tore the headphones off and stomped towards the aquarium. 

“Wait!” the brown haired officer called after him. “It’s not safe to go alone! Bring a team! This is a gun!”

Rox turned around to face her. Sarcastically, he yelled, “There’s only one thing to do now, isn’t there? If Mr. Einstein the octopus has a fucking gun, so will I!”

He pulled his gun out of its holster and marched in.

[sailforvalinor]

Val Is Pretty Sure She Might Be Losing Her Mind, more at 11

[scaredofstyrofoam]

Sketches I did of @bunnieswithknives twooofus!au in class today cuz I'm sick and have art block so I didn't know what else to draw.

[website-com]

when thinking of the word ‘mothered’ the first synonyms to pop to mind include that of doting, fussing or crooning, but the term ‘fathered’ is often only a synonym for insemination

[iridescentis]

my english teacher telling his class of girls not to go on a tangent about lesbianism in our exams might be the highlight of my day so far

[hanaasbananas]

people who leave 5 star reviews without saying anything are so interesting to me

[jowasfounddead]

I saw a Grammarly ad today and got inspired lol

pov: one, two Grammarly is coming for you

You hear Grammarly in the distance, their long nails scraping across the walls of the hall. You're trying hard not to hyperventilate. Hand flies over your mouth in horror when your childhood lamp falls, then shatters. The lamp was made by your late-great grandmother in 1939. She was a film writer with a side hobby of making pottery. You look at the ceiling, Sorry, Grandma, you inwardly apologize to yourself, and everyone you've ever wronged too. This is what it feels like when your life flashes before your eyes. The scraping stops, you inhale sharply. This is it, this is how I die, is the only thing you find yourself thinking. A soft knock follows shortly after the scraping stops, You imagine their tall pale head snapping towards your door, fingers clawing at it. Surprisingly there is no clawing, just a gentle knock. You check to make sure the door is locked, firmly. You whip out your phone, then put it away again. No use in calling the police now, it's already over for you. You know your family is next. A soft hum can be heard from outside your bedroom, then a loud slam. You peer out from your hiding place. A long, white hand with lengthy nails has broken through your door. There is a hole in the door, right above the silver handle. You retract your body back immediately, but you know it's no use. They will get you eventually. You are eternally doomed. As you expected, they sniff you out. The last thing you see is that haunting pale hand. The last thing you smell is fear. The last thing you touch is the fine brown carpet of your childhood bedroom. The last thing you taste is your bloody lip, which you damaged earlier in the frantic escape. You will never escape again. The last thing you hear is this quiet, almost angelic serenade, "Writing isn't easy. That's why Grammarly can help. This sentence is grammatically correct, but it's wordy, and hard to read. It undermines the writer's message and the word choice is bland. Grammarly's cutting edge technology helps you craft compelling, understandable writing that makes an impact on your reader. Much better. Are you ready to give it a try...?"

[watercolor-rainclouds]

ah yes, tma entities. the hogwarts houses of the horror podcast genre

[submarinerwrites]

from litanies

[egoistars]

PROJECT PARTER HCS (he wants you so bad) haikyuu

ft: aran, kita, atsumu, osamu, suna

ATSUMU:

HES TRYING!!! but is it successful? (no)

literally cannot shut up the entire time you two meet up but it's ok because he's funny

"hey you wanna see pictures of my teammates" "yeah sure" he pulls out a blurry .5 of suna's nostrils

offers you protein bars and osamus leftovers as snacks

compliments you on literally everything

you wrote two words? he starts cheering and clapping his hands like you're shakespeare presenting a new play

loves pretending to be your strict teacher whenever commenting on your work

makes up for his lack of preparation by making you laugh and flustered

"i think you can add a little more to this part" "you look so sexy calling me dumb"

if you two meet up at a cafe he ALWAYS!!! pays for you

started off as a mistake because he asked you for your order in front of the barista

but he thought for a moment and decided you're worth an extra $5 out of his wallet

always loses his pencils but has dozens of erasers?????

SWEARS by wooden pencils. he sees a mechanical pencil and jumps 5 feet into the air and starts screaming

last few days of the project he looks constipated every time you two are together

"do you need a diaper" "I WANT YOU"

you accept his confession because you unfortunately like him back and because you want a good grade

also because you don't want him pooping his pants

ARAN:

the sweetest!!

always asks how you're doing before pulling out his notes

digital note taker 100%

loves loves loves writing with erasable pen and only uses pencils for exams

is a "let's work on everything together" kinds guy

he says it's to make sure there aren't any disagreements in content and aesthetic (he just wants to talk to you)

if you guys aren't at your house, always offers to walk you back!!!

great academically but if you're making a poster or slideshow do NOT let him decorate it... pls watch out

"does this look good!" "i'm gonna hold your hand when i tell you this..." "omg you want to hold my hand 😍"

starts giggling to himself in his head whenever you guys accidentally touch

you catch him staring at you one day and you don't know what to say so you just stare back

he thinks its so romantic

you're just confused but go along with it

after presentations you think you guys are gonna go back to being friendly classmates but he finds you after class and asks you out :)

KITA:

ACADEMIC WEAPON TEACHERS FAV EVERYONE LOVES HIM

"do you want to read my notes?" he pulls out 5 notebooks with everything color coordinated, sticky tabs, perfect handwriting, and factually correct

he can sit and work for 5 hours straight and still somehow have perfect posture

first time you asked him for help on something you were about to piss yourself because you thought he would call you stupid and send you to hell

he gave you a small smile and started walking you through it with an unmatched level of patience

that was the moment you folded and had to physically restrain yourself from grabbing his cheeks and kissing his face

always offers you tea when you come over and brings out a small tray of snacks

"are you comfortable? do you need any help?"

is suuuuper meticulous but kind with his 739273 different corrections

he swears by the sandwich method of compliment-critique-compliment

"your analysis is amazing in this section but i think you can expand a little bit after because..."

you're the one who confessed first because you thought you would explode from cuteness aggression if you didn't

and also because you thought even if he did reject you, he'd do it in the most painless way

was super happy and bursted into a bright red face but shy smile!!

still told you to go back to the assignment though...

SUNA:

menace i hate him (no i don't)

literally doesn't understand anything that's going on and probably doesn't process what you're saying at first

realizes you're serious about this assignment and forces himself to lock in

asks a BUNCH of questions and jots them down on a google doc

loves to make random conversation when you two are working

actually insane gossiper

nosiest birch you know

allergic to minding his own business that mf has shit on everyone

are you slightly scared of what he has on you? yes. do you still want to hear everything he knows? yes

"i'm taking this info from page 175 of the textbook" "got it, but did you hear that kato is trying to get with his exs best friend??"

leaves notes on your project that are both unserious and encouraging

"omg u are literally einstein"

folds origami when bored

will give you paper cranes, frogs, foxes, and cats whenever you see each other

you discovered that there's small doodles in the posts it's he uses to make them

one day there's your name and his surrounded by hearts like the corny mf he is

confronted him and it and he was just like "oh you found that? well, do you want to go out with me?"

he was NOT SLICK with the way he skipped home and whistled to himself that day after you said yes

OSAMU:

HES TRYING HIS BEST!!! (pt. 2)

can only meet up after school because of volleyball so he offers to cook for you before starting to work

takes notes in class but doesn't understand half the stuff he jots down

writes actual bullshit but half a page in decides to abandon his pride and ask you for help

leans in a little too close whenever listening to what you're saying

tries to make sure your knees are touching and that it's all an accident when your fingers brush (he prepared each scenario in his head before sleeping the night before)

down bad LOSER

spends his time doing his portion of the project while sneaking glances at you

doesn't know how to decorate presentations for the life of him so he is on doodle duty

gives surprisingly good suggestions and takes your corrections to heart

one of the best project partners because of how willing he is to learn and contribute!!! (also because he wants to impress you)

talks shit about his brother to you

atsumu has walked in while osamu was telling you an embarrassing story

they start fighting

osamu gets super embarrassed when you laugh at him

then gets overly confident when you tell him you were rooting for him

will not stop dumb smiling whenever he sees you after that

asks you out after the project is turned in with his hands in his pockets with how they're shaking so much

[dykeishh]

lessons in lust

ellie williams x fem reader

synopsis: ellie meets with her hot tutor for calculus and somehow ends with an anatomy lesson! 

CW: 18+ MINORS DNI, dealer!ellie (throwback asf), tutor!reader, slightly dom!ellie, cunnilingus, public sex (they don’t get caught tho), a bit of teasing, both reader and ellie are just sluts basically. not proofread :3

a/n: heyyy the way i wrote this in literally 2023 and it's just been in my notes… hence slight dealer!ellie appearance LOL its also barely relevant to the story but I just think tutor!reader x dealer!ellie is a hot pairing. also ellie being lowkey dominant in this is so funny cuz i'm really in my sub!ellie era… but its still hot honestly. anyways hope y'all enjoy!

——————————————————————

ellie sighed as she looked at her current course score, knowing she was about to fail her calculus class if she didn’t start getting decent grades soon. she cursed herself for picking astrophysics as a major, recalling how she ‘thought it sounded cool’ and failed to consider that she would need to take difficult math classes.

she didn’t hate it, but she was falling behind as she allowed her ‘business’ to take up most of her time. it was easy to get caught up, and she was pretty proud of herself once the money really started raking in, but was quickly humbled when she remembered she couldn’t afford to retake a foundational course to her major. 

that was how ellie found herself tapping her shoes against the library chair, waiting for her calculus tutor to arrive. she blew out a sigh from her pursed lips as she scrolled mindlessly through her phone, in a daze—so much so that she hadn’t noticed you walk up to the round table until you said, “hi, are you ellie?”

she looked up, a bit startled by your voice in the quiet library, especially because she had picked a spot in the back, away from other people and their chatters. 

she took a second to respond, partially because she had expected some kind of geeky math nerd to be her tutor--especially since it was through the school. however, the main reason for her delayed response was because she knew you.

well, knew is an overstatement, you were a bit of a crush that ellie had in one of her classes. she had never made a move to talk to you, but she often indulged herself by staring at your legs, barely covered by the short skirts you wore to class, and fantasizing about the sounds you’d make with her face between them. she noticed you were wearing a similar skirt today and her mind already started racing, but she quickly snapped out if it. 

“hi, yeah that’s me.”

“i’m y/n, i’ll be working with you today,” you said, smiling at her. she felt her heart rate increase, but she made sure to play it cool. “oh, nice, thanks.” you gave her a slight smile aam pulled your chair in next to her. 

“so, where should we start?”

—————————

after several minutes of going over the subjects taught in the course, ellie’s mind had started to wander back to your short skirt and your words faded into the background as she wondered how quiet she could be while fucking you in the library. you can feel her eyeing you up as you spoke, and try to keep your voice steady regardless of how nervous she’s making you feel. how are you supposed to teach her while she’s practically undressing you with her eyes?

“so, can you show me how you could solve this kind of problem?”, you ask. after a few moments of silence and ellie scratching her head, you giggle, noticing she looks a bit spaced out.

“jeez, am i that boring of a tutor that you’re zoning out?”, you tease. she chuckles and shakes her head, “no, not at all. these kinds of problems just confuse me is all, i really don’t know where to start.”

you scoot your chair closer to her and aren’t sure if you imagine hearing her breath hitch. 

“okay so, show me exactly where you’re having problems."

—————————

“holy shit. you’re a fucking genius. or a saint. both—whatever. i can’t believe i actually understand this,” ellie scoffs in disbelief. 

you smile at ellie and and shrug, “you had it in you. sometimes it just takes a bit of a push. i’m sure you’ll do great on your tests.”

ellie looks at you with a suddenly soft expression, suddenly realizing her appreciation for your help and being so patient with her. she also realizes that she might have a thing for nerds. she would be lying if she didn’t find your intelligence extremely sexy, as if you weren’t already hot enough.

“so, how am i going to repay you for this, y/n?” she asks, leaning towards you and brushing a hair out of your face. 

you let out a shy laugh at her sudden boldness, caught off guard by the cute girl’s fingers brushing against your skin. 

funnily enough, you had heard about ellie before. there was a small number of queer students on campus, and an even smaller circle of queer girls. and as it usually happens, lots of you knew of each other. in fact, you and ellie were both hooking up with the same girl, which was how you knew about her. just based on this, you assumed she was a bit of a womanizer, and her obvious flirting with you now seemed to align with this idea. 

but you aren’t put off by this—in fact, it only makes her more intriguing to you. behind your studious math-nerd image, you aren’t all that innocent either. 

“please, i already get paid to tutor. i’m just doing my job, so you don’t have to thank me any special way,” you reply, amusement laced in your tone.

“i know i don’t have to,” she states simply, “i want to. you helped me out, and i think it’s only right that i return the favor.” as she says this, ellie places her hand on your thigh, slowly moving it up as she looks into your eyes, waiting for a reaction. 

you raise an eyebrow at her, but once you smirk, ellie knows it’s game over. you lean in forward and lower your voice. “y’know, i think you might be right. i did, after all, save your grade in this class didn’t i?” 

you decide you’ll play along and see where this goes. after all, she was fucking hot. when she smirks at your response, you almost start drooling. 5 minutes ago, you were focused on integrals, but now all your brain can think is how fucking badly you want those long fingers to keep moving up your leg. 

“so how exactly are you going to repay me?” you ask, although you already had an idea of what she had in mind. 

even though ellie was hoping for this situation, she couldn’t believe you were actually down. when she realizes this, it goes straight to her clit. was she really about to fuck her hot tutor? 

ellie suddenly starts lowering herself under the desk.

“i think i can help you better down here.”

you just about come right in that moment, looking down at her mischievous green eyes from beneath you. your breath hitches and you look around to make sure that nobody is watching. 

“fuck. that’s so hot. okay… you just-you have to tell me if i’m being too loud, okay?”

ellie nods and can’t seem to wipe that smirk off her face as she crawls forward and positions her face so she could look under your skirt. you spread your legs slightly for her access and you can immediately feel her hot breath on your inner thighs, causing you to shudder. she looks up at you, making direct eye contact as she leaves wet kisses on your thighs, teasing you, even in this moment where she should be going quickly as to not get caught.

you bite your lip when she drags her middle finger over your clothed heat, then slowly rubs your clit through the pink fabric. you hear her curse to herself and you feel yourself getting wetter as each excruciating moment passes. after a few moments, she pulls your panties to the side to view your soaked pussy. 

“you’re already so wet,” she quietly groans. you almost whine when she brings her mouth so close to your center, looking up at you from her hooded eyelids and just holding herself there to tease you just a little bit longer. 

ellie takes a mental snapshot of your desperate expression as you look down at her, with your lips between your teeth and eyebrows furrowed. but she can’t wait any longer herself. needing to taste you, she licks a long strip from up your pussy and you immediately find yourself choking back a moan. 

ellie seems pleased by your reaction and starts leaving wet kisses on your clit, sucking lightly as she pulls away and alternating with gentle flicks of her tongue. its driving you absolutely crazy how gentle and slow she’s being, and you start to roll your hips to satiate her relentless teasing. she knows that it’s not enough but she’s also aware of how much more wet it’s making you. 

she sucks a little harder on your clit and your head falls back as you gasp in pleasure. then she pulls away, lightly smacking your thigh. 

“uh uh, keep looking at me. i want you to watch me while i make you feel good, baby,” she murmurs before she dives back in.

you pull your head back down to watch her with your mouth slightly agape and see her low-lidded eyes are clouded with lust. your back arches as you feel her the pressure of her tongue increase and watch her bob her head up and down under your skirt. ellie isn’t holding back and you can hear the messy, wet noises her mouth makes against your cunt in the quiet library. everything about the situation was borderline pornographic, and you almost feel dizzy from how much it was turning you on. without stopping her mouth movements, you feel her one of her fingers rub against your entrance before plunging deep into your cunt, causing you to let out a little moan. her eyes flick up back to yours, giving you a dangerous look as a warning. one of your hands clasps over your mouth to muffle your sounds as best you can. 

“feels good, doesn’t it?” she whispers, and you nod in response, causing her to tsk at you. “i want to hear you say it. tell me how good i’m making you feel,” she demands, slipping in a second finger. 

when you remove your hand, you accidentally let out another small whimper, and you respond as best as you can, “it f-feels so good. fuck, it’s too good,” you whisper, eyes rolling back into your skull.

satisfied with your answer, she reattaches her mouth to your clit and sucks harshly, forcing you to bite your fingers to hold back your sounds. her fingers speed up as well, and you can hear the lewd sounds of your wetness even louder now. you’re getting dangerously close, and she can tell by how your insides clench around her fingers. 

“s-shit, i’m close, ellie,” you half-whisper, half-whine. 

“i know, baby.”

she continues her assault with her tongue and fingers, doing her best to drive you crazy. she can feel her own wetness growing between her legs as she listens to your muffled sounds. when she sees your face, all fucked out and desperate, she nearly cums on that alone. “you gonna come for me?”

“mhmm,” you whimper, unable to respond properly as your mind and body are completely clouded with pleasure. your hands find her hair, needing somewhere to grab as the intensity became too much for you, causing her to moan into you, and the vibrations of her voice push you over the edge.

your body freezes up completely for a moment, then jolts as your release hits you, hard. you can’t help but moan and your legs shake as she keeps her pace, prolonging your orgasm for as long as she can. when the overstimulation becomes too much, you push her head away from you causing her lips to detach from you with a pop. you gasp for air and your body trembles as you come down from your high. 

when your vision unblurs, you see her still between your legs, lips and chin covered in a combination of your wetness and her spit, and watch her smirk before she cleans her fingers off with her mouth. it’s the most erotic view you’ve ever seen—you could cum a second time.

she helps you put your panties back on and slowy rises from under the table, looking around to make sure the coast is still clear. she chuckles when she sees you still slumped in your chair, recovering and wraps her arm around your waist to help you up. 

“how was that for repayment?” she teases.

you chuckled, still out of breath, and hoped that she’d be setting up more sessions with you in the future.

[oflgtfol]

oof. ouchie. i got two Bs last semester, one C, and one F. i love that. i dont even wanna know what the semester gpa was. even then its still better than i expected

[neil-gaiman]

Hello Neil, my name is Zalean. If you have a few minutes, I wanted to tell you a little story. Not really a question and I’m not sure how to use tumblr but I wanted to say thanks so much for coming to Florida a few months back and talking with Art Spiegelman. It was my first time ever figuring out how to buy tickets for something. I lived in, middle of nowhere, Vermont for most my life and had no idea what I was doing, I had never been to anything before, nothing had made me excited enough to do the 5 hour drive. And then you just appeared 20 minutes away from where I am living now.

See, I was just starting to get to know your books and work because I fell in love with Good Omens so deeply when I discovered it during season twos release. Funny thing is, I knew of you all along without even realizing it, Stardust has been my favorite book and movie since I was a kid because it was my dad’s favorite story. Finding out my two favorite things were actually connected, I started trying to get hands on as many of your books as I could. I hadn’t read in years before finding your books. It was eye opening.

The talk event at the Dr.Phillips Center was sold out by the time I knew about it, someone had asked me if I knew of the event when they saw my Good Omens keychains my mom had made me. I called the box office because there is no harm in asking. I explained how I’m an art student at UCF and desperately wanted to be inspired and learn from you both. The customer service people were amazing and ended up calling me back to get me a seat in the orchestra pit before they were released to the public. I drove alone, I walked there alone, I sat alone, and it was worth it. I was so thankful to get a seat and grateful to my professor who was a bit jealous he didn’t know about it but let me leave class early to go because of course the art professor would be understanding for any learning opportunities in the arts. And it was truly wonderful, it seemed real and that’s what I wanted. I didn’t want a show. I just wanted to hear, in some sense, that you were like everybody else. I brought a notebook and pen for any information or story’s that I thought made a difference to my little life. The other people around were wonderful, you inspire kind people.

Like I said, I had never been to anything like this and I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know you would have signed books and I only found out because the people next to me came in late. I asked them why they brought the books after it was over and the lights turned on. They did look at me like I had three heads for a moment until they realized I didn’t know there were books to buy, they looked kinda sorry for me but they were so nice. I had never really thought about the importance of someone’s scribble before this but it’s something that proves you were there. It says “Remember when this person made you happy? Remember when they changed your life? Remember when they gave you hope? Look at this and remember.” I hope to see David Tennant and Michael Sheen to get an autograph now that I understand the meaning behind it a bit more but honestly I just love diving into everyone’s projects, the wonder you all create. Oh what fun it is to live a life full of stories!

The people that were sitting next to me let me look at their signed books and hold them. I flipped through some of the big ones, handed them back and expressed my gratitude just to be in the theater. I showed them all my little quotes I wrote down, I never want to forget why I create things and you say so much about never stopping, always creating. Then the women handed me a different book, a smaller book, but when I tried to hand it back, a bit confused, she softly placed it back in my open hands and said “I want you to have it, we have plenty and I want you to love these stories just as much as we do. It’s just starting for you, I want you to remember who started it”. The book she handed me being“The Ocean at the End of the Lane”. The first book I decided to read by you and had just finished a week before. The women had no idea she given me a signed copy of the book that made me want to read again. Your books make the world better. For such a big theater and such a big stage, I just wanted to tell you my little point of view.

The story you told about wishing you enjoyed the past more than you did, I hope you get to enjoy it now, and I hope you want to. And thank you, to you and to Terry Pratchett for creating something special. I convinced my dad to watch Good Omens with me over December break, he loved it.

I forget sometimes that everything is someone's first time, and then I read something like this and feel like I need to remember that better. I'm glad the people beside you were kind.

[icarusredwings]

Be warned. I wrote this at midnight. I have no clue what im talking about. Do you get it?

"Why doesn't this wolverine teach history? Other wolverine did"

Well, because THAT Wolverine had a Charles. Let me remind you just how fragile Logan's mental state is and just how quickly his brain can throw him into a temporary amnesia due to shock and / or panic that is triggered by his CPTSD.

The thing is, this Wolverine has a Wade. Not a Charles. Sure, Jean could probably do something to him if things got too crazy but you know just how dangerous of territory that would be. Yes, Charles doesn't have a healing factor but it was his confidence and perfect reassuring words that helped him, plus If something did happen Im pretty sure he wouldn't blame him much anyway. He knows what hes dealing with. This isnt to say that jean doesn't but I can see her panicking too much and Logan would feed off of that fear and panic and become worse.

Wade, on the other hand, is neither calm nor says the right things, BUT he can't die :D Which is a massive YES when it comes to dealing with a panicking 3+ time war veteran with knife hands. And is known to attack first ask later.

Trying to teach the kids about 'Nam, a thing sets him off. He stares off into space for a bit, Backs up and his breath gets heavy. The hairs on his arms are raised up and his pupils dilate, they widden and its as if he doesn't even remember he's a teacher.

When he starts the whole "Who are you? Where am I!?" Thing, a student (probably the oldest or one that's been dubbed most responsible) slowly just gets up and leaves to tell a trusted adult.

"Mrs. Munroe?"

"Yes?"

"Mr. Howlett is acting funny again."

"Okay darling. Go fetch Mr. Wilson for me? There's a dear."

She, calm as ever walks into the class room, standing away from the door so not to make him feel trapped, and very clearly shows her hands as she gestures the kids to leave.

Backing himself into a corner, he watches them one by one leave, Gripping at the chalk boards ledge and the windowsil, trying to balance and ground himself.

"Come now children. Quietly and slowly please. Good job. Go next door to Mrs. Summers please." Sending them to the next class room so to leave this one empty.

She stands off to the side of the room. Hands in front of her, smiling softly. "Hello Logan."

"What? Who are you?" He almost hisses but can't help but to feel not so threatened. He always did have a sweet spot for women. Maybe its their scent difference, but like most reactive animals, he's a little calmer for women. A little more trusting.

"Im a dear friend of yours. My name is Ororo. You are in no danger here." She states this practiced sentence with the same whisper of a voice.

"Where the fuck am I. How did I get here!? Did you bring me here!?" At this point he's growling.

"Logan, I assure you that no one forced you here. This is a school. You're a teacher."

"A teacher..?" Just a tad he softens, as if you had just told someone who wanted to be a vet when they grew up that they actually would become a very good vet, except the look in his eyes was as if questioning why they would ever him do that. Be a teacher I mean.

"Yes. If you would like to leave that is okay." She slowly sits in a spare chair, her leg crossing, not knowing how long she will need to play baby sitter but she hoped someone soon would alert the other staff of this. It IS a safety risk after all and Ororo knew that if he hurt anyone at all he'd immediately regret it terribly so when he woke.

"You.. you told her to go get someone. Why? Who are you getting? For what!?" Another snap, as if he thought she was trying to trick him into letting his gaurd down.

She smiles. "Your husband."

"What the fuck do you mean my 'husband'!? What are you sayin' lady!?" The venom in the way he says this makes her giggle a bit. Oh, goodness. He really did lose all of his memories, didn't he? How was the same man who once was so dastardly in love with scott to the point of shredding his heart into a gazillion pieces and is married to the silliest man alive, so internally homophobic? The irony of the thought made her laugh.

"And that kids is how you slice someone into sushi. Rice not included-" His weapons tatics and saftey class is interrupted.

"Mr. Wilson?"

"Oh hey, squirt! You wanna learn how to disconnect someone's joints without even leaving a puncture wound?"

"Maybe later.. uhm...Mr. Howlett's scared again..."

You just see Wade running out on these kids like "I'M COMING WOLVIE!"

"What, you think it's funny!? I ain't got a husband lady! Now, Im leaving! And there's nothing you can do to stop me!" He goes to walk out the door only to run into said husband, who immediately hugs him.

"Babe!! Hi! They told me- OUCH- okay yeah I deserved that- no tocuhy I forgot."

And is stabbed.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!? Get off me! Freak!"

"D'aawww!! Did you see that? He called me a freak! I hate to tell ya cupcake, but you're married to this freak. Now, what's wrOOW- Mad kitty are we? Woah there tiger! Easy boy!"

Logan looks at him, confused, stabs him again, and is trying to figure out why Wade's not dying. He goes to slash him in the head and wades like "WAITWAITWAIT NOT INFRONT OF THE KIDS-"

Mrs. Munroe, by now, has gotten up and left, closing the door and letting out a big sigh, wondering what shade of red they were going to paint the room this time.

She does a little clicky on her walkie and infroms all the staff about the situation and so for the next half hour or so, Logan's kids get to skip class and said classroom now needs a deep scrub.

And this ladies and gentlemen is why this Logan doesn't teach history anymore.

P.E. is SOOOO much easier on his mental status, and sometimes Wade joins, and he puts the whole class against him to make them work on their team building skills. Plus- it's funny to watch your husband get slapped in the head with 20 dodgeballs.

[idilarila]

Twisted wonderland boys when you turn into a baby!

Sooo, let’s say that in alchemy class something went wrong and you got transformed into a toddler, how would they take care of you?

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Leona: -At first Leona refused to take care of you because he already had enough with Cheka without having to take care of you now. -However, seeing how calm you were, he let you approach him little by little. -Little to say, Leona used you more as a stuffed animal than anything else, but look the positive side, he fed you perfectly (a lot of meat, Sorry if you happen to be vegetarian or vegan 😭) and he didn't leave you alone.

Trey: -Trey has younger brothers, so he knows exactly how to deal with you. -You make him very tender since you remind him of his little sister/brother, and at the same time Trey can't help but think about what it would be like to have a child with you in the future. -He cooked you a lots of sweets, from macaroons (sorry if I wrote it wrong 😭🖐🏻) to strawberry cakes, chocolate… -So Your tummy ended up hurting and he felt very guilty.

-But he made sure you brushed your teeth after eating!

Idia: -Panic. -Literally the only kid he knows how to deal with is Ortho, so when he sees you he gets very nervous. -Don't get him wrong, he finds you the most adorable and tender, but he just doesn't know what to do or say. -In the end the one who ends up taking care of you is Ortho while Idia plays her video games 5m away in his room. -Together with Ortho you played hide and seek for a couple of hours until finally the teachers found a potion to return you to your normal state.

Rook: -LOVES so much the idea of being able to see you this small and adorable look. -It's simple -He didn't leave you for a moment, a little more and you guys would even to shit together LMAO -He laughed when he saw you chasing the squirrels in Pomefiore's garden, he thought you were deadly adorable -He couldn't help but think about what it would feel like to raise your future children together, he definitely already has a whole life planned with you, it's inevitable, our favorite hunter unexpectedly became a prey for love <3

Malleus:

-It makes Malleus laugh how your little being looks at his horns with eyes full of curiosity. -He put you on his shoulders and carried you all the time, letting you touch his horns as much as you want, you can be proud, that is a privilege that he only grants to you because you are his beloved human <333 -He took you to see the gargoyles with him, honestly he is another one who took you everywhere with him. -Everything must be said and it is that he had to ask Lilia for a little advice because he controls more of the subject, although it was not too much since as we already know Malleus also participated in raising Silver and because of this he has a little experience

Jade:

-Jade is a very busy person without a doubt, after all he is the one who is in charge more than anything of managing the monstro lounge and of following Azul’s "orders" together with Floyd, however, he is capable of get organized enough to be able to take care of your infant self -He finds it very funny and tender to see your innocence from when you were little. -He certainly doesn't let you be with other students, especially Floyd, since it's not difficult for anyone to guess how that would end… Although he also does it because deep down he would be very jealous if someone stole your attention -He put a mushroom on your head 🕴

——————————————————————————————————

I hope you all liked it, stay safe and healthy! <333

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

fem reader, fluff, hurt/comfort, reader gets into a fight, this fits into the weirdo! shouto ficlet i wrote, older bro touya au, shouto's scar, kindaaa non neurotypical shouto hinted if you squint lol, shouto n reader are lil misfits, lemme know if i missed sum else !

"can i help you, young man ?"

"i hurt my knee."

you're laying in the nurses office when a familiar voice hits your ears.

"oh really ?" no verbal response but you assume there's a nod because the nurse continues "what happened ?" she sounds skeptical.

"i fell." the person, a boy, replies. the nurse sighs, complaining to herself about kids these days coming to the nurses office for every little thing. you're still pretending to be asleep, not wanting to go back to class yet because you know your classmates won't leave you alone. your face is turned away as you hear the office door shut and soon after there's shuffling in the bed next to you.

your eyes snap open and you turn to see a scarred boy looking right at you, blinking slowly.

"shouto !"

"hi." he answers simply. unmoving, he lays on his stomach. after getting over your shock you copy him. "what're you doing here ?" you ask. your friend blinks in response.

"i hurt my knee."

you look at him incredulously "what are you really doing here ?"

shouto lays quietly simply staring at you. he has a habit of doing that, you've heard your classmates call it weird, but you like when he looks at you. his eyes are pretty. his gaze trails off towards the sheets, "i wanted to come see you." he admits. your eyes widen and you feel your ears burn. shouto doesn't seem affected by his confession, his face as deadpan as it usually is.

"everyone is talking about you in class." your nose scrunches up at his words, huffing with a scowl. "what're they saying ?"

"that you won."

that makes your scowl shrink a bit. your eyebrows raise and you shuffle a bit on the bed and hum. shouto only stares. he isn't much of a talker. you've noticed it's because he just doesn't realise that you're supposed to keep making conversation when you're talking with someone. your classmate mahoro says it makes things awkward, but shouto has such kind eyes when he looks at you, you don't mind. and sometimes, you don't really feel like talking either.

"you didn't have to do that you know." is what he says after a while, you blink at him like you'd already forgotten and he continues. "you didn't have to push tanaka like that, it wasn't a big deal."

tanaka, just the mention of the boy's name is enough to make your scowl return full force.

he's one of your classmates that keeps making jokes that all his other friends laugh at that aren't even funny. he doesn't bother you much, but he's kind of a bully and he makes a face whenever you end up on his team for dodgeball. he makes sure you see it too.

you don't care about him much, because he doesn't bother you. but he bothers shouto. you think he does so because shouto doesn't care to confront him about it so he thinks he's stupid. but shouto's the smartest in your class. today though, he went too far and it made you mad, so you shoved him and he'd shoved you back and suddenly you were surrounded by a group of kids screaming in your ears. your face stung from where he'd hit you and then a teacher was pulling you away from him. then you'd ended up here.

shouto hadn't been coming to school for a bit a while ago and when he did come back he had a huge bandage over his left eye. you'd tried to ask him about it but he never told you. so you never pried, but you heard the (not so quiet) whispers from your classmates and shouto who never seemed like he cared, furrowed his brows and slightly clenched his fists underneath your shared desk whenever he'd hear them. and it got worse when he took the bandage off, revealing a big red blotchy scar.

shouto doesn't usually mind what people think, but he'd asked you if he looked ugly and you assured him that you thought he looked super cool. (you'd never seen his eyes so wide and shiny, so pretty.)

tanaka had disagreed with you though. he opened his big mouth and told shouto he looked better with his bandage on. and you'd snapped. you hated that stupid bandage because it'd make his usual face so gloomy. because you only got to see one of his kind eyes and you loved looking at both.

and so, here you were.

"he had it comin', he made fun of you !" you scowl, shouto's brows furrow the slightest bit as well, mildly irritated. "but you got in trouble."

"well, he made fun of you !" you repeat. you both stay unmoving, laying on your stomach while the nurse is out on lunch break. shouto's lips move up into a pout and for the first time ever you hear him huff.

"i wasn't mad about it. i was fine." he insists, his eyes drift towards his fingers picking at his sheets. "you got hurt because of me, and i don't like that." he mumbles sadly. his cheek smushed against the hard pillow makes him look like a little puppy. you hear your heart in your ears.

"well, i didn't just do it for you," you try, "tanaka's always pickin' on everyone, so i taught him a lesson." you huff. you believed you sounded convincing, but shouto looks anything but convinced. others can't see it well, but you can.

"but everyone's gonna think you did it for me. and they're gonna call you weird again," shouto grips and pulls at the white sheets, you're worried they'll rip off and he'll get in trouble. "even though you're not."

you don't care, you'd been called weird plenty of times at your old school. but shouto's bothered for you and your heart beats in your ears "do you think i'm weird ?" shouto quickly shakes his head, as best he can in the position he's in. your chest feels warm and you smile.

"then i don't care what everyone thinks."

the sound of sheets crinkling stops, and shouto stares at you again. he sits up to instead go sit down on your bed. you bring your legs closer to yourself to make space for him.

"i still don't want you to get hurt, even if it's not just for me." his pretty eyes, one surrounded by red zero on you " i don't like it."

shouto never seemed picky to you. except when it came to his lunch (which was always cold soba) and the order in which he started his day at school (first he changes his shoes, then he takes off his jacket and then went to sit in his seat. exactly like this every day.)

he never told you he particularly liked or disliked anything, usually always shrugging. but he said he doesn't like seeing you hurt. it had made him panic when people started pushing him away to see the fight and he couldn't see you anymore. your classmates were talking about you and he didn't like it. the nurse stood in his way and he didn't like it because she kept him away from you for longer.

he does not like tanaka because he'd punched you in the cheek, your cheek that rises up like the sun when you smile at him.

i don't like when you get hurt, he says. i don't want you to hurt because of me, he thinks. you've got a bandaid on your cheek where you'd gotten punched, but you grin and your cheek rises like the sun, shouto hears his heart in his ears.

you hold out your pinky and promise him you won't do it anymore. holding onto your pinky is comfortable and even after promising he doesn't let go. not even when the nurse checks up on you and scolds you when you shamelessly tell her why you'd landed in her office. he doesn't let go in the hallways even when others are looking. they'll think you're weird for hanging out with him, but you told him you didn't care, and shouto feels like he's floating.

( he only lets go when you get to the principal's office. but he ignores the teacher who passed by and told him to get to class and wraps his pinky right back around yours when you walk back out. your smile is pretty like the sun.)

one time, touya-nii had called you weird, and touya-nii is always right. but this time shouto knows he's wrong. because your smile doesn't dim despite the bandaid on your cheek and you only look at him when you get back to class, despite the people calling for you, your pinky stays tightly wrapped around his, only moving so you can readjust and hold it better.

touya is clearly wrong, and shouto knows you're the nicest person in the world.