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satxnsupreme666 · 24 days ago

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Tainted love: Dark!Wanda Maximoff x fem!reader/Agatha Harkness/Agnes x fem!reader

Masterlist

Pairing: Alright so this starts as a Dark!Wanda Maximoff x reader and then it turns to be Agatha Harkness x reader (I really like the idea of Agatha helping and saving reader)

Based on the cover songsTainted love by Holy Wars and Hannah Peel´s cover of the same song

Summary: You´re living an unhappy marriage with Wanda and your neighbor Agnes decides to help you to get away from the person who makes you suffer.

Warnings: Toxic relationship, angst, Wanda maintains you captive inside Westview, mentions of kidnapping, Wanda manipulates and alters reader´s memory, gaslighting, mentions of blood.

Word count: 12k+

Author´s note: This was one of the first stories I wrote three years ago, I had posted them on Tumblr on my old account, but due to my mental health, I had to take a break from Tumblr and the toxicity and hate that had suddenly increased, I deleted all of my stories and my old account, now I have decided to upload them again here on Tumblr and also on Ao3.

I hope you like it!

If you enjoy, could you comment, like or reblog? it would help a lot really ♥️

Taglist: @midnight-lestrange @eliscannotdance

Sometimes I feel I’ve got to

“Printsessa you don´t have to worry about anything! You´re fine here with me, what´s outside doesn´t matter to us, there´s nothing important outside!” You remembered Wanda hissing at you all of those words, but you didn´t understand why it felt like a dream, as if it wasn´t real, you were sure she had yelled at you the day before today but then, why it felt as if you had dreamt about it, the memory was a little blurry but you could remember her frustrated face, was it real? If it was, why were you discussing about? You couldn’t tell.

You couldn’t remember what had happened yesterday, had you gone out for some groceries? Had you gone to Dottie´s place? Why you couldn’t remember?

You sat up in your bed, and more questions came to your mind, at what time had you gone to sleep yesterday? Why you couldn’t remember simple things like that? You started to feel frustrated and tried to focus on your mind, what were all of these images of Wanda and you discussing?

“Why do you want to go outside so bad? Here you have everything you need, I´m giving you everything you want, I don´t understand why you want to leave, it doesn’t make sense to me!” Was this a memory? Have you dreamt about it? Wanda would never yell at you right? She wouldn’t never yell at you; she had told you that many times, you repeated yourself in your mind.

“Printsessa? Are you alright?” You heard Wanda asking beside you, you felt her hand passing around your waist

“I don´t know” You said while closing your eyes.

“Are you having nightmares again, my love?” You frowned

“Nightmares?” You asked with a confused look on your face

“Yes, don´t you remember? You´ve been having nightmares for the past days, you always wake up in the middle of the night, and I have to calm you, did you have nightmares again?” Wanda was really concerned, so they were just nightmares? That had to be.

But why were you doubting? You believed her right? She couldn’t be lying, could she?

“I don’t remember having them, but-“ Wanda suddenly moved herself to get closer to you and her sudden action made you feel scared, unconsciously you moved to the side and you blinked, why had you done that? You weren’t scared of her, then why did you do it?

You could see the hurt in her eyes, and you couldn’t help but feel bad, you had wanted to touch her hand to say something, but you felt there was something wrong, you couldn’t shake the feeling off.

“I can make them go away if you want lyubimaya moya” You saw the worried look on your wife´s face, there was something missing in the way she spoke, her soft tone was still there but you couldn’t tell what was missing, it felt different, and you felt frustrated, why couldn’t you remember anything from the other days? You only had some glimpses of some things, but you weren’t even sure if they were memories, dreams or nightmares.

“No!” You hastily said, you were surprised with your own behavior, why were you suddenly feeling so afraid of her magic?

“Can I hold you?” Looking at her face the only thing you saw was sadness, but why? You felt the need to let her hold you and rest your head on her chest but there was this part of you, a voice in the back of your head that told you to stay away, but you didn’t get why, she was your wife, you didn’t have to be afraid of your own wife.

Deciding to ignore that unnerving feeling in your heart, you slowly nodded and Wanda started to come closer to you, this time she did it slower, her hands up in the air as if she was letting you know she wouldn’t do anything to you, oddly her action made you feel a lot more comfortable about what she was doing, she passed her hand around your waist, her grip was soft but firm at the same time, you started to relax in her arms and slowly you pressed your head onto her chest, for a moment you felt calmed again, you felt the love she promised you, the heat of her body against yours made you remember of how a home felt.

“I´m really sorry printsessa, I just want us to be happy, but you don´t let me help you, I will make these nightmares go away, nothing will ever make you feel this way, I just want you to be happy” Before you could separate yourself from her, her grip around you became stronger, it wasn’t soft anymore, you could feel her hand on your waist, holding you tightly against her but in a harsh way, you wanted her to stop holding you so harsh but she was stronger, before you could do something else she put her fingers on your temple, you couldn’t do anything else, closing your eyes you felt unconscious in her arms.

Wanda held your unconscious body against her, she hated doing this to you, but the real memories were messing with the fake ones she had put in your mind, she couldn’t lose you, no one more time, she was not going to let that happen, you had been gone for so long and now that she had you back, she was not planning on letting you go, after all you were alright with her, nothing could hurt you anymore.

“I´m doing this to you because I love you y/n, you´re safe here with me, just with me, I would never hurt you” Wanda whispered into your ear, her eyes closed, her grip on you started to become softer and with her free hand softly caressed your face, Wanda hoped you would understand why she was doing this, it was all for you.

Get away from the pain

You woke up to an empty bed, where was Wanda? Frowning you stood up from your bed, you couldn’t help but feel as if you had already woken up hours ago, was it in the morning or in the middle of the night? Or maybe you just hadn’t slept well, and that was why you felt so sore.

Maybe taking a shower would help to ease the pain in your head, your headache was growing and you just wanted to lay back in bed again, but you felt as if you had already slept for many hours, you really didn’t want to go back to bed.

Physically you felt exhausted, the constant headaches were awful and the tiredness you felt almost all the time was unbearable, you wanted to go out to do something else, but at the same time you didn’t feel like going out.

This made you feel conflicted you just wanted the pain to stop, but you didn’t know how.

You were supposed to be happy; you were sharing your life with Wanda, you were her wife she had given you everything you had asked for, a family, you were living peacefully with her, but then why you felt so miserable? It made no sense at all, you felt so alone in this big house, there were so many rooms and you felt like every single thing hid something inside them.

A piece of paper on your nightstand distracted you from your thoughts, you knew it had been Wanda the one who left the small paper, taking it into your hands you saw Wanda´s handwriting, she had gone out again, this time she told you it was something about her job? Last time it had been something about a committee, it was alright, you started to relax a little but, why? You missed her terribly but at the same time there was this part of you that made you want to get away from her, she had never yelled at you or hit you, but whenever she was close to you, the way her hand gripped you a little too harsh, the way she told you everything would be alright, made you feel a little uncomfortable, there was a memory of her in your mind, a memory of a loving Wanda who used to hold you against her chest, singing Sokovian lullabies into your ear when you were afraid, her touch used to be soft, now her touch was severe.

A bunch of new thoughts started to come to your mind, Wanda said they were nightmares, but were they really nightmares? You tried to focus on these thoughts, how her behavior had changed, all the little things that she now did, you remembered she had always been a jealous person, but her new possessiveness scared you.

If she saw you talking to someone, she would get so jealous, so jealous that you even feared her reaction.

What she used to do was what made you stop talking to everyone who was just being nice to you, you didn’t understand her harsh tone against the others, but what made you feel more confused was that the others didn’t mind Wanda talking to them the way she did, like that time when Dottie had asked you how your days had been going at the supermarket, you were sure Wanda was on the other side of the store, she had told you she would go check for some fruit and you wandered around, you bumped into Dottie near the cereals isle, Dottie only asked you a simple question and before you could even answer, Wanda appeared out of nowhere, telling Dottie to go bother someone else, that she was not in the mood to deal with her, your wife didn’t even give Dottie time to explain herself, you couldn’t even hear a word Dottie said, because your angry wife took your wrist with such an angry and harsh grip, guiding you to the entrance, you didn’t even buy anything!

Wanda dragged you to your house, all the way to your home she didn’t say anything to you, you felt so scared to even talk to her, Wanda didn’t notice she was hurting you, you tried taking her hand off you but that only made her angrier.

You blinked several times, here there were those memories again, at this point you were pretty sure they were memories, but when had they happened? You just wanted to know what was going on, Wanda told you that she loved you, but why it didn’t feel like that anymore?

Trying to ignore all of these thoughts you decided to go for a walk, now that Wanda wasn’t at your home, you had the chance to go out without her constant surveillance, maybe you could even talk to someone other than just your wife, it didn’t matter who, you just needed someone else to talk about anything, at this point you didn’t even care what it could be, you even wished you could find Dottie to just hear her talking about her meetings.

After changing your clothes, you went downstairs, looking around everything you felt there was something so strange about this house, and you couldn’t even put your finger on what it was, you felt awful, frustrated, you couldn’t even remember many things, and this only made you feel worse.

Going outside your house you notice how everything was so nice, the day was really pretty, the sun wasn’t too bright and the wind was refreshening, it was good to be outside, you didn’t even remember when was the last time you had been outside alone, it felt like it had been days since you were on your own here outside.

Walking through the streets you noticed there wasn’t anyone outside, what was going on? Why nobody was in the streets? Not even Dottie was in her garden, there weren’t children playing in the street, how was that even possible? You tried to think If the other times when Wanda and you had gone for a walk, there were people a lot of people for what you could recall, you even went to some houses to try to see if there were people in there, but you couldn’t see anything, and fear took over you, your lips started to tremble, everything was quiet and you found the silence unsettling, there was definitely something odd happening, after some more minutes of wandering alone through the solitary street and with your pounding heart you decided to walk back to your house.

“Y/n sweetheart?” A voice distracted you from your thoughts, you turned yourself around too look at the person who had called you.

“Agnes!?“ You exclaimed with a happy tone, you were happy to see someone else, and Agnes was a gentle person to you, so you felt really happy to see her

"Thanks you’re here, it seems like you’re the only person around here” You said, with your voice trembling a little.

Agnes noticed your agitated state and felt concerned about you, you were really upset and she could see it, the way you were constantly rubbing your hands against your clothes, the way you were looking your surroundings as if you were afraid of something appearing, she was sure it was because Wanda wasn’t near this place, she was sure Wanda had gone to the limits that was why no one here was moving, but she didn’t want to scare you or upset you more.

“Oh darling it may be because it’s Sunday and everyone must be watching that show that airs on Sundays” She tried to reassure you with a smile on her face, her answer seemed to calm you a little bit because you stopped biting your lip as well as you stopped turning your head to look at your surroundings, your shoulders also seemed to relax a little more, and that made her feel a little calm, she didn’t like seeing you in such a distressed state.

You thought a little about her answer and it made sense to you, you remember that show that Wanda liked to watch on Sundays, but another thought came to your head, if it was Sunday then why Wanda had told you she had left for something related to work?

“Isn’t Wanda with you?” Agnes noticed how you shook your head a little at the mention on her name

“She’s not home, she left for-” You thought a little about whether was right to tell her or not, Agnes wasn’t a bad person, you couldn’t remember interacting a lot of her, but at the same time you felt you had already talk to her many times, she made you feel calm, her presence was recomforting and there was this feeling that made you trust in her.

“She left for something related to work” You saw how Agnes frowned at that.

It didn’t make sense to her, Wanda didn’t even work? She was going to ask you more things but the way you looked, she felt bad, you looked too tired and the sadness and you had in your eyes, she couldn’t see you like this, it was clear you were suffering.

“Would you like to come home with me? You can help me with a new recipe I’ve been wanting to try for some time doll” She softly asked you and you liked the idea, you really wanted to do something else so you nodded, you saw the way she smiled and you smiled too, she waited for you to start to walk and the two of you walked side by side, arriving at her house she opened the door for you and a quick memory of Wanda opening a door for you in a complete different place came to your mind, you blinked a little, what had been that?

“Are you alright sweetheart?” Agnes noticed how your expression changed for a confused one.

“I’m alright” you told her in a rush and she let you in, you slowly entered and you felt different, it was a different feeling to be inside her house.

Agatha knew you weren’t alright, she knew what Wanda was doing, she knew everyone else was under Wanda´s mind control, but why would she do it to the person the red-head was supposed to love? Her first plan had been to take Wanda’s powers, but now her plans had changed, she wanted to take your suffering away, she had tried to wake you up many other times, using her powers and it didn’t work, Wanda’s powers were really strong, the only thing that could wake you up was that you went outside Westview, but she knew Wanda wouldn’t let you do that, so she had to think of something else. She needed to do it quickly you were really suffering and she was sure Wanda’s magic had started to mess with your head, you didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. For now, she could only try to make you feel a little better. She had to try to make you feel a little happy in all this messed up situation.

“Alright doll, so wanna start with the fun?” She asked you with her cheerful tone.

“Sure, yes, I love cookies, I want to help you bake them, where do we start?” You asked her trying to ignore the intrusive thoughts that came to your mind.

“First you will need an apron, you don’t want to get yourself stained with eggs and chocolate powder, right darling?” You nodded and she showed you a really pretty apron, she handed it to you and when you were about to tie it, she took the laces that were in your back.

“Let me do it for you darling” You felt shy at her action, you knew she used to be like that all the time, so you let her tied them for you, it was a nice gesture.

“Alright darling there you go” Agnes winked at you and you shyly smiled.

“Then let’s start, shall we doll?” You nodded and she grabbed different bowls, spoons and containers and placed them on the kitchen Island.

You came closer to her and she asked you to start pouring the eggs on the bowl but when you were about to do it, she stopped you.

“Wait darling, aren´t you going to take your pretty ring off your hand?” She inquired eying the ringer in your finger.

You blinked your eyes and slowly turned your look to your fingers, you didn´t think about it and a question came to your head, when did Wanda and you got married? Why couldn’t you remember it? You frowned a little thinking about that, why couldn´t you remember that? It was supposed to be an important moment of your life and you couldn’t recall that day.

“Are you alright doll?” You heard Agnes asking behind you.

“Yes, yes I´m alright” You said slowly to her, and took off the ring of your finger

“Do you want me to put that in a safe place so you don’t lose it?” You gave the ring to her and she took it in her hand, you saw that she put it in a small box in one of the shelves.

“Alright doll, now you can keep doing what you were going to do” Agnes said walking back to the kitchen island with her typical smile on her face.

You smiled and started to mix the ingredients in the bowl, you were really grateful to do something new, you couldn’t even remember when had been the last time you had done something else than just staying at home with Wanda and sometimes going out with her for some groceries or a short walk, Wanda was always with you now that you thought about it, but it was more like if you were under her surveillance, you shook your head, you were really enjoying your time with Agnes so you tried to push aside these thoughts.

Agnes was a really sweet person, she was attentive all the time you were there with her, if you had a question on how much of something you had to add she would explain you carefully, step by step, her perfume was really sweet you liked the vanilla smell that came from her.

“Honey you have some, let me help you” First she gestured to your face and when you try to clean whatever it was in your face Agnes laughed because you had just spread more the flour in your face, so she came closer to you, and with a napkin on her left hand she softly removed the flour off your face, her touch was so delicate, you wanted to stay like that a little bit more, but you quickly thought about Wanda, so you quickly separated yourself from Agnes and kept cleaning the kitchen island.

Agatha pouted a little, she would have liked to keep caressing your face, but she wouldn’t do it if you were uncomfortable about it.

You had a lot of fun with her and you enjoyed your time with Agnes, she was hilarious, you felt happy here with her, she made you feel good and you liked the feeling.

The older woman put the cookies in the oven and when she closed it, she went back to help you put everything you had used in the correct place.

“Can I put some music?” You asked shyly

“Of course, darling” She answered you and you happily went to turn the stereo on, the music started and it was your favorite song playing, so felt happier, at home you didn´t listen music at all, or did you? You couldn’t even tell, not again the thoughts.

“Hey doll would you like to do something else while the cookies are ready?” She asked you because she saw the distressed expression on your face, she just wanted you to be busy with something else.

“Yes” You blurted out, you didn’t need to think twice.

“We can play a boardgame, would you like that angel?” You nodded and felt your heart melt at the endearment, it felt so different, the way Wanda used to call you scared you, and you didn’t even know why.

You saw that Agnes went upstairs and minutes later she came back with a boardgame, you helped her placed everything on the living room´s table and when finally everything was placed and you had your tokens you started to play, it was awesome, Agnes had always a funny remark to say, you couldn’t stop laughing at her comments, you really enjoyed playing the game with Agnes, you were at peace, you felt inner peace, you didn’t feel like you needed to stay away from her like the way you felt with Wanda, you felt genuinely happy here with Agnes and you loved the feeling.

You played with her many rounds until you heard the alarm Agnes had set thirty minutes ago and you and her stood up from your sits to go for the cookies.

She took the cookies out of the oven and she placed them on the kitchen counter to make them cool a little, they looked really great and they smelled delicious.

“These look awesome Agnes” You said to her while pointing at the cookies with the pretty different shapes.

“That´s because you helped me, that´s why they look so good sweetheart” You couldn’t help but feel a little shy, you smiled at her biting your lip a little, you waited some minutes until she told you could start to eat them now that they weren’t too hot.

You were excited and you took one in your hand you were about to start eating the cookie you were grabbing in your hand but you heard a harsh knock on Agnes´ door.

You and Agnes frowned, who could it be? You saw how Agnes burrowed her eyebrows and she gestured you with her hand to wait for her, you understood and she went to answer the door

When she opened the door, you heard an angry Wanda and at the sound of her furious tone you instantly tensed in your seat.

“Where´s y/n?” You heard Wanda asking in an angry tone, fear took over you, you knew she wasn’t happy she was mad, really mad, maybe it hadn’t been a good idea to come into Agnes´ house, you started to regret your decision.

“Calm down darling, she´s here with me, we baked some cookies” You were too scared to even turn around when you heard quickly steps getting closer to you.

“What are you doing here?” You heard Wanda´s voice really close to you and you tensed more.

“I just, I helped Agnes to bake cookies” You said in a fearful tone, why were you so afraid of her?

“But you could have baked them all by yourself at home, you could have waited for me to arrive home and we could have baked them, you didn’t need to come here” You didn’t know what do or what to say, you just stared at the table in front of you.

“Oh darling, why are you so angry, I´m pretty sure she just wanted to get some fresh air, we haven’t seen her outside in days” Agnes said I a light tone, but when you heard she had said days, you lifted your head to look at your wife and you saw how her eyes went wide.

“Where´s your ring?” She asked you in a harsh tone changing the topic.

“I took it off so it didn’t get stained” You quickly said to her, you didn’t know where the courage had come out.

“Where is it?” She asked you again.

“It´s here darling I put it in a small box so she didn’t lose it” You saw how Agnes went for the small box and she took the ring out of it, she was giving it to you but Wanda quickly took it from her hand, she took it And you saw how Agnes burrowed her brows.

Wanda stretched her hand out to you with the ring on her hand and you got confused.

“Put it back” Wanda demanded, Agatha felt her blood boiling, how could she treated you like that? You deserved more, but she had to wait, she couldn’t risk it, she had to think carefully what to do next so Wanda didn’t hurt you, or mess with your mind again.

You were doubting, she was your wife yes, but she didn’t have to talk to you like that, you slowly took the ring from her hand and put it back on your finger.

“Let´s go” She said and started to walk towards the door, you turned your head to look at Agnes, and she saw the fear and doubt in your eyes.

“It´s alright doll, you have to go, don´t be afraid” She told you and that made you feel better, you nodded and she gave you a quick squeeze to your hand.

The love we share

Wanda and you arrived to your house and after you entered you flinched when Wanda slammed the door.

“Why did you go outside?” Wanda demanded to know; you didn’t want to turn yourself around to see her angry face.

“Why did you go outside?” You heard asking again.

“I just wanted to! I can´t stand being here all the time” You blurted out

“But we go outside! You can go outside when I´m here with you!” She answered back

“Bu why can’t I go outside alone?” You started to raise your voice a little, you didn’t understand why she was acting like this

“Just look at what you did today, you went to Agnes´ house and you even took your ring off!” She was being irrational.

“I didn’t do anything! I just talk to you, you don´t let me talk to anyone else anymore”

“How do you remember that?” Wanda quickly inquired.

“What? What do you mean? What are you implying?” You started to question and you saw how Wanda´s expression changed, that scared you a lot.

“I´m sorry printsessa, I didn’t want to scare you, I just, I´m worried about you” Wanda started to walk slowly and her sudden change of behavior made you fear her.

“Can I give you a hug?” You didn’t want to, you knew she was thinking something, you really didn´t want to let her hug you, there was something off, you just knew, unconsciously you stepped back

“Please my love I just want to hug you, like I always do” She started to walk faster towards you and you just felt the need to run.

You started to run towards your room but she used her magic to stop you from going upstairs.

“I´m really sorry my love, I can´t let you go, you´re mine, I´m only doing this to you because I love you”

“Wanda, please you don´t have to, this is not love, you don´t-“

“That´s not true! I love you; I DO love you, never said the contrary!” Wanda yelled at you making you close your eyes, you were trembling, at this point you were sure she had been the one messing and changing your thoughts.

“Please, Wanda you´re hurting me!” You squinted, it hurt, it hurt physically and mentally, you couldn’t keep with this.

“I´m sorry, I´m really sorry my love, I have to, If I don´t do it, you´ll get away from me, and I can´t let that happen, not again” She had tears in her eyes and you didn’t know why, you were the one who was in pain

“I swear to you, I won´t go away from you, I swear it, just please don´t do this again” You were pleading but she didn’t listen, Wanda came closer to you and she pressed her fingers against your temple, and once again Wanda caught your unconscious body against her.

“I´m really sorry for this printsessa, but I don´t want to lose you again” She whispered into your ear.

And I’ve lost my light

That night you dreamt of a different place from this one, you saw many people you couldn’t recognize, a tall blonde man who smiled at you kindly, a red-head woman hugging you and telling you that everything was going to be okay, a man with a serious expression and a metal arm saying comforting words to you, you couldn’t tell who they were but all of them seemed concerned they were worried, but why?

After that you started to had nightmares, there was a war, a big man, many people fighting against some type of creatures, and then you saw Wanda her eyes glowing red she was using her power to lift something big, but also you saw her crying over someone, that was really blurry, she was holding someone on the ground and then you didn’t see anything more.

When you woke up again, you were surprised you remembered everything that had happened the day before, how could it be? This time you remember what Wanda had done to you, how she had used magic on you, it had been real, everything she had done was real, now you were aware, Wanda had been using her powers to erase some events and things that had happened.

You were relieved that Wanda wasn’t in the bed with you, there was another piece of paper on the nightstand and you quickly took it.

-I’m going out for work printsessa, I hope you slept well, I have a surprise for you, we can go outside if you want when I arrive home, love you-

Her small letter made you feel angry, how could she do this?

What caught your attention was the ring on your finger, she hadn’t taken the ring off your hand, but what surprised you was that the little diamond wasn’t white anymore, now it was completely purple, you thought about whether it was a good idea taking it off or not, but in the end you did it and left it on the nightstand.

You started to be more scared, now that you were sure Wanda was manipulating your thoughts so that you didn’t remember what she had done to you, you started to doubt more about her, what else had she changed in your mind? What was this place? Why where you here? What had she done to you? You couldn’t even remember more about your life. You needed to calm down a little, if you think about it, Wanda wouldn’t be back until noon, you didn’t know where she really went and you really didn’t care, you just needed to get out of this place, you couldn’t take it anymore, you used to love Wanda you were sure about it, even if you couldn’t remember you were sure you used to had something beautiful, what you and her used to have was like a dream, but now it had turned into a nightmare for you.

You really wanted to take a bath, but you didn’t even feel safe in your own house, there was no one else who could help you, everyone here seemed to live just to please Wanda, no one dare to contradict her, as if everybody was scared of her.

You went downstairs, you had the same clothes of yesterday, you weren’t even sure if it had been yesterday or not, did you even have a phone? You didn’t know, you were sure if you had one Wanda wouldn’t even let you use it.

The only important thing you needed to do was to get out of this house as possible as you could, running to the front door you took the doorknob to open the door.

“Damn it” You cursed under your breath, why was the door locked? Where were the keys? You started to look for them, but they weren’t anywhere, you didn’t find them on the bookshelf, they weren’t on the table, they weren’t on the kitchen on counter, not even in your drawers of your room.

Wanda had locked you in your own house, how could she have done that? You couldn’t believe it, why would she do that? You were terrified, this wasn’t supposed to happen, maybe she had just locked the front door, so you went to the back door of your backyard to try to get out.

“Dam it, it´s closed too” You hit with your palm the door, this wasn’t fair, you needed to get out of here, Wanda knew you would try to go out so she did this, what else could you do?

The windows! You quickly went to look for the windows in the first floor but they were closed and even if you tried using all of your strength you couldn’t open them, this was wrong, this was all wrong.

Going upstairs to check on the windows you noticed they were locked as well as the ones in the first floor, when did Wanda had the time to lock them like this? How had she done this? What if she had used her magic to lock them? You were feeling desperate you really needed to get out of here, but how?

You´ll have to break a window, it was the only thing you could do at this point if you wanted to get out of this prison.

You took some of the decorative medium size rocks that were around a potted plant, you didn’t need to think twice your next moves, so you threw the rocks aggressively against the window and you cover your face when it crashed against the big window, pieces of glass went flying and when the crashing sound you turned yourself to look at the now broken window, you smiled at the sight now you could be free from this house, you didn’t want to hurt yourself so you took your jacket off and placed it on the edges of the window so that you wouldn’t cut yourself, after making sure that all the sharp edges were covered, a little insecure you pressed your hands on the edge of it, this was not the time to be scared, you needed to do this.

Taking a deep breath you pushed yourself to be able to jump over the window of the first floor, half of your body had already passed but you didn’t notice there were some sharp edges at the sides of the table until you felt an awful pain on your left hand and arm, you tried to get out faster but your foot got stuck a little and a piece of glass teared part of your jeans, it got to your skin and you hissed, the pain was awful but you needed to get out of this.

You fell onto the grass and grunted a little, you would have liked to just lay there a little bit more, you felt exhausted but you needed to keep going.

“y/n? Oh god, what happened to you darling?” You heard Agnes´ worried voice, lifting your head to look at her she saw your tired eyes and the state you were in, she felt really guilty, she should have done something to help you, Agnes stretched her hands to help you stand and you gladly accepted them, she carefully took your hands carefully not to hurt you more.

“What happened sweetheart?” Agnes saw the broken window and some pieces of glass were covered in some blood and her heart jumped.

“y/n doll are you hurt? Let me see” The woman in front of you softly took your face in her hands looking for wounds on your face, you could see how upset she was, the worry in her eyes and the troubled expression she had, her eyes were so pretty and you felt a warm feeling growing inside your chest.

Stop, you thought, this was not the time for that, not now.

“I´m alright Agnes, I´m not hurt, you need to help me, Wanda locked me inside the house and I had to break the window to get out” You blurted out and you saw how Agnes clenched her jaw in ager, you couldn’t take it anymore and started to cry, you were desperate, you just wanted Wanda to stop, why couldn’t she just let you go? You threw yourself into Agnes´ arms and she carefully hugged you back, your sobs were breaking her heart, it had taken some time to understand what was going on with you and Wanda, at first when she arrived at Westview because of Wanda´s magic and she saw you, she just thought you weren’t having a great day, but your confused stare at what was supposed to be your house raised her suspicions, then the way she saw how Wanda dragged you to different places with harsh grip on you or the way she talked to you when someone else got near to you to start a nice conversation, she knew what had happened to Wanda, but she didn’t knew anything about you, she didn’t know why Wanda had brought you here but she felt awful for you, your constant tired and sad look on your eyes, the way you would always look down at the ground, not even daring to look at Wanda, what had she done to you? Why did you look so scared of her? Agatha started to suspect there was something more going on between you and her, because sometimes you didn’t even get out of your house for days, the first time that she remembered that happening was two weeks after she had arrived for the first time.

All of you were in one of Dottie´s meeting, during the meeting you had been sitting next to Wanda all the time, with her hand on your waist and you even looked as if you were afraid to move, from time to time she kissed your cheek and you just stayed there, tensed the entire time, she had wanted to do something to make you feel a little less tense, maybe talk to you or made you laugh but Wanda didn’t let you alone until she found the perfect opportunity, when the meeting was over everyone dispersed and went to talk with different people some women were chatting with the others and she saw how Wanda told you something in your ear and you just nodded looking at the ground, then Agatha saw how you walked to the deckchairs and you sat down in one of them she followed you to talk a little with you, when she got near you, she saw how you just were staring at the water not even moving at all, and she frowned, why were you always so quiet?

“Hi doll, are you bored?” She asked you sitting next to you in the other chair, she saw the way you jumped a little at the sudden voice of hers.

“Hi Agnes” You shyly smiled and gave her a quick glance to her, turning your head quickly to look at the water again.

“I´m just a little bored, I would like to go now, but Wanda keeps talking to Dottie” You admitted to her, in that moment she frowned why wouldn’t just leave then? Maybe you didn’t want to go alone, she thought

“What if I accompany you to your house?” She kindly asked you and she saw how your eyes lit up for a moment.

“That would be great, but I have to ask Wanda first” The blue-eyed woman saw the way you thought about it for a moment and she nodded, you were Wanda´s wife after all.

“I´m going to ask her, wait here” You kindly smiled at her and she nodded again at you, she saw how you stood up from the chair but what disconcerted her was the way you walked towards your wife, as if you were scared of getting too close to her, she saw the way you hesitate to touch her arm, when you finally did it, you never dare to look her in the eyes, you just stared at the glass Wanda was holding, Agatha knew there was something wrong, why would you be afraid of your own wife? She saw the way your lips almost trembled to her while you spoke and when you stopped talking to her she saw Wanda smiled at you and how she hugged you, you didn’t return the hug you just stayed still, after separating from you Wanda said something to Dottie and your wife took your hand to start walking towards her, when Agatha saw your face again she could swear you were scared, Wanda and you walked until you were standing in front of her.

“Thank you so much for offering to take my wife home, but I will take her home, you shouldn’t have to worry, I was almost finished, but thank you for the offer, right y/n?”

Agatha saw the way you quickly nodded and you didn’t even dare to lift your head to look at her.

“It was good to be here, but we´re leaving” Wanda was smiling at her but she couldn’t shake the strange feeling about her.

After that day she didn’t saw you for four days in a row, she saw how Wanda came out of your house and entered again hours later, the fourth day Agatha hadn’t seen you she decided to ask Wanda what was going on, so when she was in her garden and she saw that Wanda had arrived to your house she quickly went to say hi to Wanda.

“Hey darlin! I hope you´re enjoying your day at all, isn’t y/n with you? I haven’t seen her in a while” Agatha asked with a smile on her face, her expression didn’t match with the real emotions she was feeling, Wanda turned herself slowly from her front door and walked towards her, her annoyed expression changed into a fake smile just in the nick of time.

“Oh hi Agnes, I´m enjoying my day yes, I was just going to pass a lovely evening with my wife, she´s been feeling a little under the weather, that´s why you haven’t seen her, she decided to stay at home, but don´t worry, she´s getting better, so you don´t have to worry about her” And with that Wanda went back to her door and entered to your house.

The next day she saw you, at the center of the town, Agatha had the unsettling feeling that there was something else behind all of this, you were smiling and letting Wanda hug you as if nothing had happened days ago, you were holding hands with her and this time, you seemed to be happier, but Agatha had the feeling that was not the real way you were feeling inside.

And now that she was seeing you here, holding your trembling body against her she knew she had to help you, she couldn’t keep seeing you suffering.

Agatha had to do something, it had been so wrong to wait to do something, now you were here physically hurt because Wanda had locked you in your own house, your body was shaking with fear, this time she wouldn’t let that Wanda messed with your head again, not again.

“You´re safe with me doll, it´s alright, I won´t let Wanda get near you again, she won´t ever hurt you again” She was holding you tightly against her and for the first time you felt safe, you just wanted all of this suffering to end.

She took your hands in her and looked at you straight in your eyes, your beautiful eyes were red from all the crying, she needed you to explain things to you first, but she needed to do it quickly before Wanda came looking for you again.

“You´ll be fine” You heard Agnes say to you and she took your hand in hers waiting for you to walk, she guided you to the back door of her house and you followed her, she was holding you hand with a soft grip on yours, it felt so different as the way Wanda grasped your hand.

Once I ran to you

Agnes guided you inside her house and once again you felt at peace, you didn’t feel tense or afraid here with Agnes, the older woman made you feel safe.

“Sweetheart first I need to clean these wounds, would you let me?” You nodded and she made you sit in her couch.

Agatha couldn’t stand seeing you this way, you looked so broken, she knew there was more behind this, she wanted to make you smile, the times you had shared with her, the times you didn’t remember because she was sure Wanda messed with your memories, she was happy that you had asked her for help, she was sure that the spell she had put in your ring the day before had helped you, that spell at least helped you a little so that Wanda didn’t altered your memories, she wanted to tell you everything, but first she needed to take care of your cuts.

“I´ll be back quickly, I need to get some alcohol and cotton gauzes” She caressed your face a little before going to her bathroom, for what she needed.

You started to relax a little in here, you didn’t feel any pressure, it was good to be here with her.

You her quick steps coming closer to you and the sound of her rushed steps didn’t scare you as how Wada´s had made you feel when she came to your side demanding to know what you were doing with Agnes.

“Angel, let me see the cuts, I´ll be as gentle as possible, I don´t want to hurt you more than you already are” You felt touched by her words, so you showed her your arm and your hand, those were the ones that hurt the most, she cleaned the cuts and applied alcohol on them, then she put the cotton gauze and she did the same with the cuts in your leg, you really liked her gentle touch against your skin, it felt so nice to know that she didn’t want to hurt you, when she finished she placed everything in the small table in the living room and looked at you.

You saw how she brought her hand to your face and she softly caressed your cheek, unconsciously you lent into her touch, it was so nice to feel how she treated you with such delicacy, you were not expecting when she suddenly knelt in front of you, her hand were resting carefully in your knees and she was looking at you with almost pleading eyes.

“Doll I need to tell you the truth, but I promise you that you don’t need to be afraid, I just want to help you get away from this, you deserve so much more and I can´t let Wanda keep doing this to you” You said yes with your head and she took a deep breath and closed her eyes before speaking again.

“My real name´s Agatha Harkness” You had thought she was joking but when you saw the serious look on her face you realized, she wasn’t lying.

“I´m a witch, at first I came here, because I felt Wanda´s magic and I had wanted her powers, but my plans changed, I´m not interested in her powers anymore, I just want to help you, I can´t stand seeing the way you´re suffering” She felt some tears threatening to fall at the corner of her eyes, when Agatha saw that you weren’t saying anything and that you just stared at her with a blank expression on your face she started to fear the worst, she didn’t want to scare you, she needed to tell you the truth.

“Doll, I´m sorry I didn’t tell you this before, but please you don´t need to be afraid of me, I don´t want to hurt you, I just want to help you, I put a spell on your ring yesterday so that Wanda´s magic didn’t affected you, I was sure she was going use her magic on you, and before she took you back to your home days ago I knew she would do it, so I planned on coming to see you but in these two days she didn’t leave your house, she was constantly there until now, I saw she had gone out and I decided to go see you but then I heard a loud crash and when I arrived at your house you were laying on the ground that´s when I-“ She didn’t finish her sentence because you had hugged her, you passed your arms around her shoulders and when she felt how close you had pulled yourself to her she passed her arms around your waist, you started to sob again and she quickly removed a little from you to take your face in her hands and with her fingers she wiped the tears away from your face.

“You really did that to the ring?” You asked between sobs but with a smile on your face, you were amazed, thanks to her you got the chance to go out of that house, she nodded and you hugged her again.

“Thank you so much, you don´t know how that helped me, thanks to you I can remember the day you and I made cookies, you don´t know how much I love that memory, I can´t remember a lot of things but I can remember this and it makes me so happy that you did that for me”

“You don´t need to thank me sweetheart I want to help you, I´m so sorry I didn’t do anything before to help you, I tried to wake you up before but Wanda´s magic is too strong, her magic is tied to her emotions and when she´s angry her magic becomes stronger, I don´t know how is that even possible, but I assure you Wanda won´t hurt you again” She took your hands in your and gave them a soft squeeze to them, you nodded and closed your eyes, Agatha pressed her forehead against yours and you felt happy, you felt really happy that you had someone who wanted to help you.

“We need to go sweetheart; we need to leave as fast as possible” You whispered a small “yes” and the two of you stood up.

“Wait I´ll give something to cover yourself sweetheart, it´s could outside” You felt a warm feeling growing inside your chest and when Agatha came back with one of her jackets, she helped you to put on the jacket.

“Thank you” You said shyly and she smiled, you were so beautiful, you deserved to smile and be happy.

“Let´s go darling” Agatha took your hand in hers and she guided you to the door, the blue-eyed woman held the door open for you and she let you go out first, you really loved this gesture of her.

“We need to hurry darling; I don´t know if she can feel you or not, I promise I won´t let her get near you again” Agatha said to you and she started to guide you towards the other side of the street.

“We will have to go towards the other direction” You nodded and the two of you walked down the street.

This tainted love you’ve given

After what felt hours of walking you finally arrived to the limits of the town and you felt horrified when you saw the people who were frozen on the street.

“What´s all of this?” You asked Agatha while covering your mouth, you couldn’t believe what you were watching.

“I didn’t want to have this conversation with you, I don´t want you to feel scared, but now that you´re seeing all of this, it´s necessary that you know the truth” The two of you stopped walking and she turned herself to look at you.

“This place is an illusion, Wanda created all of this, she´s using her power to make all of these people do what she wants, they can´t help but do everything what Wanda says, these people are frozen because Wanda´s not here, It doesn’t affect me because her magic isn’t able to affect me” She said and you quickly hugged her, it was awful what Wanda was doing.

“I´m really sorry you had to see this sweetheart” Agatha pulled you closer to her body and she softly stroked your hair.

“We need to keep going darling, we´re almost outside” She was right you could almost feel the freedom.

Agatha grabbed your hand again and the two of you walked towards the entrance, when you were close enough you saw something weird in front of you and you turned your head to give Agatha a questioning look.

“This is the magical field that covers Westview, doll, I want you to know that once we cross this field, all the memories Wanda locked inside your mind, you will be able to remember all of these, I know you´re strong enough to handle them, but I will be with you all the time alright?” You were scared you were going to remember everything you couldn’t and that scared you a lot, but you knew Agatha wasn’t lying she made you feel protected and you trusted her.

“Alright, I´m ready” You said to her with confidence, you really wanted to go away from this place.

You felt her hand squeezing your and she nodded to you, you and her walked at the same time and while you started to cross the magical field, you felt some pressure over you, but when you touched the other side the uncomfortable weight on you disappeared, the next thing you knew, a bunch of memories of your real life came to your mind.

You saw your old life back in the Avengers compound, the way your family had vanished into thin air, how Natasha had died for the soul stone, the battle against Thanos, how Tony had died for all of you, you remembered every single thing Wanda had blocked from you.

You also remembered how Wanda had cheated on you with Vision, the way you had felt when you saw her kissing the synthezoid.

You remembered what had happened that day, everything was clear now, she had proposed to you years ago, she used to be a loving and caring girlfriend, but that had been years ago, she used to loved you and you used to love her, you had thought you would be sharing your life with her, years ago she told you how much one day she would love to live with you in a beautiful house of two floors in a really pretty neighborhood, she had sworn to you that she would make everything to protect you from everything and that she would make you happy, but that day when she broke every one of her promises you gave her the ring back, she had pleaded you not to leave her, she had begged you many times to make you stayed with her but you didn’t accept it, and then everything happened so quickly, you didn’t even got time to mourn on your feelings, earth was attacked and after that you had just lost all of your family.

“Are you alright doll?” You heard Agatha asking you, you blinked many times and you noticed tears streaming down your face, you felt Agatha pulling you closer to her and once again you let yourself express all of your pain by crying into her chest, Agatha soothed you and stroked your hair, now that you were finally outside she could see your thoughts and she felt the same pain you were feeling, you deserve to be happy and she was going to make sure of that.

Tainted love

“Stay away from her” You jumped at Wanda´s voice, there was that accent, you knew there was something missing when she talked to you inside Westview, and now you realized it had been her accent.

“No, you stay away from her” Agatha placed herself in front of you

“Who do you think you are?” You could see Wanda´s eyes glowing red just as well as her hands, for a moment you feared the worst, but when you saw Agatha´s hands glowing purple, you sighed feeling relieved.

“You´re hurting her Wanda, can´t you see it? this is not healthy" Agatha said to Wanda

“That’s not true! I’m doing this for us, I need her and she needs me! We are meant to be together” Wanda yelled and it made you feel angry, she was hurting you and you were exhausted, you couldn’t believe what she was saying.

“You need to stop Wanda!” You yelled back at her, you placed yourself next to Agatha and all of the anger started to come out of you.

“You hurt me! You made me feel awful, you were manipulating my memories, you used you Magic to make me believe a false life!” You were gesturing at her and you saw how her hands stopped glowing red.

“I love you!” She yelled and you bitterly laughed at that, you wiped some tears that had fallen down your face and you felt Agatha’s hand caressing softly your back, that made you feel better.

“That’s not true Wanda, you don’t love me, this is not love, love is not supposed to be painful, love is not supposed to make you feel exhausted, love is not supposed to scare you, you don’t love me and I don’t lo-” You were cut off by the read-head

“That’s not true! You love me just as much as I love you! I did this all for us, I did all of this for you, this is our dream, the one we share-”

“You kidnapped me Wanda! You took me away from my home! You kidnapped me and brought me here! That’s not love!” You interrupted her

“That’s not true, that was not your home, this is our home, we can go back to it, we can live peacefully we can go back to our amazing life and forget that all if this ever happened” Wanda started to walk slowly towards you and before she could touch your arm you quickly stepped back.

“Don’t touch me!” You quickly said and Agatha placed herself in front of you.

“You heard her Wanda, you better back off” You saw Wanda’s expression changed into a really angry one

“I won’t repeat myself y/n you better come with me; I love you” You couldn’t understand why Wanda kept saying the same.

“No, I won’t go back to you, you just made me feel awful, you made me feel exhausted, you locked me in that house, YOU DON’T LOVE ME”

“We are married” she quickly said.

“That’s not true, you know that’s not true, we were going to get married years ago but you cheated on me”

You argued back and you saw the way Wanda flinched at the mention of what she had done.

“It was a mistake, I really love you, I don’t want to lose you again, please, you’re breaking my heart, I need you” Wanda knelt in front you she was holding her arms in the air towards you, she was sobbing in front of you, but this time she couldn’t manipulate you, not anymore, Agatha looked at you and she smiled at you, her smile was comforting, she made you feel safe and now that you could finally remember every single moment you had interacted with her inside Westview, you realized that was how love was supposed to feel.

Now I know I’ve got to

Run away, I’ve got to

Get away

You came a little closer to Wanda and you knelt in front of her, Agatha was next to you making sure Wanda wouldn’t do anything to you.

“I’m sorry Wanda, but I won’t go back to you, you don’t love me and I don’t love you, you have to accept that, I can’t be with you, this is not love, what we used to have years ago is over, you have to let it go” You said looking into her green eyes, you didn’t recognize the old Wanda, the person in front of her was full of rage and hatred, you couldn’t blame her at all, she had lost everyone but, this was not fair to you, she was hurting you and you didn’t deserve it, you didn’t feel the same for her.

“Love is supposed to make you feel happy, as if you’re floating on air, love makes you feel safe and protected, love makes you keep going, it doesn’t stop you” Looking back at Agatha she smiled at you and you smiled back at her, she had risked herself to help you get out of it, and you knew that was how love was supposed to be, with Agatha you were sure you could have it, a real love.

“So, you fell in love with her?” Wanda’s voice was louder and you could hear her accent coming back, this time it was more present than ever, you could tell she was really mad, her hands forming into fists and her eyes glowing red in anger, she hastily stood up from the ground and Agatha pulled you closer to her.

“Answer me! Is she the reason you’re leaving me?” You saw Wanda’s jaw clenching and her left eye twitching a little

“She’s leaving you because you just inflict pain into her heart, Wanda you’ve been messing with her mind! She was feeling anxious she didn’t know what day it was, you held her captive inside a place she didn’t want to be, you just made her suffer, she doesn’t deserve this, you’re hurting her, why can’t you understand?”

Agatha was shocked at how Wanda couldn’t see what was the real problem.

“That’s not true, you’re the one who is manipulating her, you’re a liar, you’re not even who you said you were” Wanda kept talking and you felt desperate

“Stop, just stop, I don’t want to listen to you anymore” You said to Wanda while holding your hands in the air, you pressed your fingers against your temple, a headache started to form and it felt awful, you closed your eyes and you put more pressure of your fingers into your temple.

Agatha came closer to you to softly touch your arm.

“Are you alright sweetheart?” You heard Agatha asking you.

“Don’t call her like that, you don’t have the right, she’s mine, and she will just be mine” Wanda had started to come closer to the two of you.

“Don’t come closer Wanda” you heard the blue-eyed woman warned Wanda.

“What? Do you think I’m afraid of you?” Wanda asked with a mocking tone

“Oh dear, I could easily destroy you with a flick of my hand” the dark-haired woman next to you scoffed, you could almost sense the smirk Agatha had on her face.

“Stop right there” Those were new voices; you lifted your head to see who were they and you saw many soldiers pointing their guns at the three of you.

“Not you again, not this time” The red-head started to move her hands in the air and she made all of the soldiers point to the sky, but the moment you felt you couldn’t move, you realized she was using her magic on you as well.

“Y/n!” You heard Agatha calling your name, purple magic enveloped you and you felt yourself being released, she used her magic to stop you from falling harshly against the ground.

“You need to stop trying to take her, she doesn’t want to be with you, y/n doesn’t need you!”

“That’s not true! She needs me just as much as I need her, I love her-

"STOP!” You snapped and didn’t realize the wave of magic coming from your body, your magic was f/c and when you opened your eyes again you saw Wanda covered in a new different magic, you saw your hands and your eyes widened when you realized it was you the one who this time stopped her from moving.

You gasped and this time you saw all the soldiers on the ground, they were covered with your magic too and you started to panic a little, but when you felt Agatha’s hand on your shoulders you started to relax a little.

“It’s alright sweetheart, I know you can do it, focus on what you’re feeling, don’t let the fear consume you”

Slowly you nodded and focused on what you wanted, you wanted the soldiers to go away, so you moved your hand and when you heard noised this time you opened your eyes to see all of them started to walk away from where they had coming.

“I’m so proud of you darling, you did it amazing, I will make sure they don’t come again” She caressed your cheek and you smiled at her, she stayed with you making sure no one else came to where you were.

“You think you she loves you y/n?” You heard Wanda’s laugh and turned your head to look at herk kneeling on the ground with her hands behind her back and all of your magic over her, she didn’t stop laughing for some minutes, you just couldn’t believe what was happening to Wanda.

“No one will ever love you the way I do” Wanda said back to you when she stopped laughing, you looked straight into her eyes and the only things you could see in them was madness, you felt bad for her for a minute, you knew what she had passed through but all the things she made you passed through as well, you even doubt your own sanity, you couldn’t forgive this, she had kidnapped you and she had messed with your mind, you didn’t even know how many time you were inside with her.

“You don’t love me Wanda, this is an obsession Wanda what happened-

"What happened was a mistake, let me make things right this time printsessa, I really love you, you’re the love of my life! I need you!” She begged you again, but you this time you weren’t going to fall for it, not anymore, you closed your eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before speaking again.

“You don’t really want any more from me, to make things right, Wanda, you can’t make things right, this is messed up, not only you hurt me, but you’re hurting thousands of people, let them be free, let me be free Wanda, please, I want to be free” Tears started to fall down your face

“You need someone to hold you tight printsessa and I’m the one who can do that, I can-

"You can’t Wanda, you broke what we had years ago! You broke me, and there’s no way you can fix this! If you want to make things right, you’ll let me go with Agatha, if you love me, you’ll release me”

“I can’t do that printsessa, you’re mine, you’re just mine I won’t let her or anyone else take you away from me” You saw how Wanda’s eye’s started to glow red and you moved your hands to stop her hands from moving behind her back, she wasn’t going to use her magic on you again, not anymore.

“I’m not yours, I’m not yours, the problem is Wanda that you think love is to pray, but I’m sorry, I don’t pray that way, you won’t get to me again, I don’t love you” You whispered to her loud enough to hear you, Agatha took your hand in hers and you used your magic to pull Wanda back inside Westview.

“I will find you y/n and I will make you mine again, you belong to me” You heard her yelling and Agatha pulled you closer to her.

“I will come for the both of you and I will make you pay for taking y/n away from me, you will pay and I will make sure of that” Wanda tried to break free from your magical ties but you didn’t let her.

“You can’t get away from me y/n I will always be with you and no matter what I will find you-”

Finally, you put Wanda inside the town and Agatha started to make movements with her hands, a purple mist covered the entirety of the town, the magical field Wanda had created was replaced by Agatha’s purple magic.

“This will only keep her inside for some weeks, maybe some months until she realizes how to get out from this, I trapped her inside Westview but this won’t last forever doll” You felt the older woman’s hands taking your face in her hands.

“I’m not afraid” You answered to her and you saw a proud smile on her face

“I know you’re not afraid, you’re so strong and brave, I will be with you, no matter what, I will be with you, I know you can protect yourself but I will protect you too, and when the time Wanda comes for us, I will be by your side, she won’t take you again doll, I promise”

You felt safe with her, she made you feel alright and you couldn’t help yourself, you took her face in your hands and slowly leant into her, Agatha passed her hands around your waist and she pulled your body close to hers, you felt her soft touch on you and that made your heart melt, this is how love is supposed to feel, you knew it, you presses your lips against hers, she captured your soft lips, it was a soft but needy kiss, she needed to feel you and you needed to know she was there for you, you needed to know this was real.

When the two of you broke the kiss, she pressed her forehead against yours her hands never leaving your sides.

“I know it will take a time for you to get used to this, but I promise I won’t hold you back, I want to make sure you’re alright, I want the best for you y/n” You trusted her, you knee she was saying the truth, and you were grateful with her, without her help you wouldn’t have been able to get out of your prison.

“I believe you Agatha, I want to be with you, I know you will help me to heal” You whispered to her and she smiled, she hugged you again, the feeling of your body against her made her feel alive and you felt the same, you weren’t free at all from Wanda, but you knew that Agatha would there for you to help you.

You felt something bothering in your pocket, there was something in it and when you pulled your hand inside it you felt shivers down your spine, pulling out the small piece of metal you saw it was the ring Wanda gave to you because of your “marriage” you were Wanda had been the one who placed it in your pocket with her magic, you eyed it for a minute before throwing it against the grass.

“We have to go doll” She was right, you had to go now.

Taking your hand into hers, Agatha guided you towards the forest, you didn’t know where you were going but you were sure that Agatha would make everything, she could to protect you.

The two of you walked through the forest, between the tall pines, the sound of some branches breaking because you stepped on them was some of the only sounds you could hear, the night was a little cold and from time to time you still feel a little afraid, but when you felt Agatha’s hand softly squeezing you hand to reassure she was there and she wasn’t going anywhere made you feel strong.

You knew Wanda would come for you, you were sure she would do everything she could to find you, but you were sure you wouldn’t be alone this time, you weren’t afraid of her, she didn’t have that power over you anymore.

When Wanda comes for you, you were sure you were going to be prepared, just as Wanda wouldn’t let her take you, you were going to fight Wanda, you’re not afraid of her.

Now I’m gonna pack my things and go

#agatha harkness #agatha harkness imagine #agatha harkness x fem!reader #agatha harkness x reader #mcu imagine #mcu x reader #agatha all along #wandavision #agatha x reader #agatha harkness x you #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff #wanda maxmoff x y/n #dark!wanda maximoff #scarlet witch x you #scarlet witch #scarlet witch x reader #wanda maximoff x reader

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wilhelmina1233 · 22 days ago

Text

I am back.

I wanna explain why I just suddenly crashed a yesterday...

It has been on my mind, In September, when my friend started uploading their OC here, I saw that many people commented on their post, Many people seemed like they actually cared. I didn't mind it much, I was happy they were getting SUPPORT. Then after a while, the more they posted, the more comments on their posts got. People interacted with them, talked with them, complimented them. After a while I started comparing my introduction card and theirs, 10 uncommented reblogs, 60 likes, 0 comments. No comments. No comments. No one supported me or complimented, just liked. I tried to ignore it and told myself I will get comments if I post more. So I continued. And then my other friend came to join the community, somehow, they still got comments and support. And another new creator came, and people commented on their posts too, talking about the character's lore. Watching all of these happen to others while my comments always stay on 0 made me feel so... disappointed, like, am I not doing much? It made me think that my comments are turned off and I checked it DAILY. I only ever got comments during hard situations, or when I gifted people, never on my work. I got my FIRST comment on my work on the MoonMan animation, I was so happy. I tell you. To me, comments make me motivated, It's like support to me. Thats why when I firstly posted Muri, I didn't post for another month. I didn't get any comments on her. I thought people didn't like her.

-now, IM SUPER GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF YOU!!!! yall are amazing, I have mentioned it many times about how much I love you all. Im super grateful for everyone and everything. Don't think wrongly, but sometimes Envy gets the best of me. And I'm shocked to say this. The thing that happened the day I crashed was an episode.

-In September I was overthinking, and then suddenly Sweetswirlybread came out of no where and then the situation continued and continued to the point a picture of me was EXPOSED here and even my private blog and fake accusations and all the distress and emotions I was feeling stacked up and caused a big episode on me that lasted longer than expected. My episodes usually last a few hours or a day, but this time it lasted for a whole week. When I am during episodes I can't tyep properly, which is probably why the way I spoke in my last post was not that understandable. After I made that post I cried the whole day, not even because of the situation, just because of how hard the episode hit me. Remembering all the distress and suddenly getting told to delete all my accounts and that people are tracking me down angered me.

-I completely crashed out in my last post, I was angry at everyone and also at myself, I was disappointed in everyone and felt strong emotions. And I am sorry for putting pressure on everyone, I am sorry letting my episode go through so easily, usually, I'm not on my phone during episodes. But I seriously felt so dark at the moment. Right now, I look at my last post, and even I don't understand the words I wrote.

-I am NOT forcing you all to comment on my posts, no!! If you don't want to talk in my posts then sure, I'm okay with it. It's okay if you're too busy, or embarrassed, or just in general don't talk in people's posts. I'm not asking you for anything, If you guys won't comment on my post it won't cause me another episode, so don't worry about that too. I know It's not only hard for me, but It's hard for everyone. I am happy you all support me in your own ways, you're all amazing. I love you all. I really do, I'm sorry for making you think otherwise.

I know you guys support me, It was hard for me to see it through so much envy I was feeling. Plus the whole drama crashed me so much distress so I was so confused and disappointed to the point I completely crashed.

I wanna say that I am sorry for worrying anyone, or if I put pressure on people, or if you think that I hate you. I am deeply sorry for it, and I felt very bad the day after. I really am sorry. I want to show how much I actually do appreciate you all.

I love you all, I'm sorry for getting mad so suddenly. If you still have any questions about what I meant in some sentences in my last post I can tell you in a more understanding way.

I had to cut my break short cus I felt deeply saddened by how I crashed out on everyone. And i wanna say I am sorry.

#mutuals gather #important #๑

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anti-romantico · 1 year ago

Text

[she doesn't have to know] seventeen mingyu

warnings: best friend younger brother AU (title is a little misleading lol), age gap (reader is 5 years older), oral (f receiving), protected sex, i suck at writting fluff but i tried, let me know if i missed something

A/N: feel free to ignore this but there is a funny story regarding this fic lmao. originally, this was written for seventeen's vernon, but after finishing it I just stopped feeling it and left it on drafts until I knew what to do, then I posted it, but tumblr marked it was "mature" so I deleted it. then I changed it for txt soobin, and I was happy with it, but when I made the poll I wrote svt mingyu instead and didn't release until I proofread it lmao and since some people already voted for svt mingyu, i decided to change it.

Also, I'M REALLY SORRY. This was supposed to be posted yesterday but I was so tired after work I totaly forgot :( I'm sorry

luv u, moon

words: 2.5k

Vacations for yourself, that's what you needed. And even though you wanted Lia, your best friend, to go with you, she insisted you needed this. "I promise I won't burn down your house while you're away" she said with one hand over her heart. And you knew you could trust her, you just were terrified to travel alone.

The hotel was gorgeous, with a beautiful view of the beach. You rang the bell and waited for the receptionist.

— Good morning, what can I do for you? — The young lady said with a pretty smile. You gave her your name and waited for your key.

The room was definitely your favorite part, you deliberated if it would be better to stay there all week, but of course, you were there to explore. Yes, the bed looked too inviting to stay there your whole life, but the many restaurants you booked were calling you.

You sent a message to Lia to let her know you were at your room and that you missed her, and instead of answering, she called; like she always did.

— Hi, babe! — Her voice made you smile. — How was the flight?

— Pretty good, you know I always sleep to avoid feeling sick. — You sat down on the small sofa and looked through the window.

— Right. Oh, guess what? Mingyu is also there. Not sure if he's staying at the same hotel as you, but he sent me a photo.

— Oh really? I'll see if we can meet up for dinner. — You said. Mingyu and you weren't exactly close. You used to find him attractive, but he was your best friend's younger brother.

— I told him you were there and he said the same. — You both laughed knowing the dinner will never happen.

After talking for another hour while you unpacked and got ready for your first dinner alone, you said goodbye. You looked at yourself in the mirror and admired the blue dress Lia gave you exactly for this trip. It was comfortable and made you look really pretty.

The restaurant was close to the hotel, so you walked there with the help of google maps. Once you were seated, the waiter gave you the menu and told you you just needed to raise your hand when you were ready to order.

The food was on another level, and even made you afraid the food of the other places wouldn't be as good. Suddenly, the waiter let you know someone was trying to pay for you. You looked at him confused and he pointed at the entrance where you found Mingyu smiling. You sighed and shook your head no and asked the waiter to give you your check.

Mingyu waited for you, telling his friends he would see them in the hotel. When you got out of the restaurant, you already knew he would be there.

— How nice of you, but a little bit creepy if you ask me. — You said when you were in front of him.

— Better me than a stranger. — He said and made a move with his head. His car parked beside the two of you with a guy getting out of it and giving Mingyu the keys. — Do you want a ride?

— Was it too hard to ask first? — You said, waiting for him to open the door. He laughed and did it.

— So, how's traveling alone so far? — He asked without looking, full attention on the road.

— I've been here less than 24 hours, but I think I can get used to it. — You said looking at him. Yep, he was still really attractive.

— And about the dinner the three of us knew wasn't going to happen... — His comment made you laugh.

— I can't promise anything, I've booked a restaurant for each day and I really want to enjoy them alone. — You said, not afraid of him getting offended, at the end of the day, he knew you.

— Oh no, of course Your initial plan was to be here alone, but since we both thought we wouldn't meet, I thought we could come up with something now that we did. — He parked close to your hotel and looked at you.

You checked your phone. — Today is friday, I booked for another dinner tomorrow, — you said in a quiet tone. — does it suit you on sunday? I've booked for breakfast.

— Sunday night... Yeah, I'm free. Anything in mind?

— Lia told me about these souvenir places all over the beach, and if I'm honest I was looking for an excuse to not do it. I'll get her something later. — Mingyu laughed. — I do want to go to the beach though.

— Then we have a plan. — Mingyu started the car and drove to the entrance of your hotel. He got down and opened your door, taking your hand to help you.

— See you on sunday. — You said before walking away.

— Oh, by the way... — Mingyu said, making you turn around. — You look beautiful.

You fought the urge to not blush. — Thank you. You don't look bad.

Sunday arrived really fast, but you didn't mind, the previous day you couldn't stop thinking about this... date? Was it a date? no, it wasn't, just hanging out with your best friend's brother... fuck.

Mingyu asked Lia for your number and sent you a message asking for your hotel room. Two soft knocks on your door triggered your anxiety.

— Wow. — He said when you opened your door. — You look really pretty. — You were wearing a black long skirt and white top.

You let him in. — What's with all these compliments, Mingyu?

— What? I can't tell you how pretty you look?

You sighed and crossed your arms. — Just... take that backpack and let's go. — You pointed at the backpack on the floor and opened the door.

The weather was chill, but you already knew, that's why you packed some cozy pants to wear just in case. You both sat down and you offered him some snacks, which he accepted.

You talked for a bit, enjoying the view. The weather started to get cold so you took a small blanket from the backpack. It wasn't enough to cover both of you, but Mingyu insisted he wasn't cold.

— So after that asshole, you haven't dated anyone? — He asked, flexing his legs and hugging them against his chest.

— I don't have time for that, Mingyu, and if I'm honest, none of the guys I've hooked up with made me think "maybe I do want to settle down". — He nodded. — You? I don't think I've heard about a "special someone".

— I had a girlfriend not long after I graduated, it lasted a year, nothing serious since then. — It was your turn to nod. Suddenly, you felt a shiver down your spine, making you shake a little bit. — We can leave if you want, it's getting late.

— Oh no, it's just the wind, I'm fine.

After a comfortable silence, he asked: — Are you still not looking for something serious?

— Not really, just having fun for now. — Your fingers playing with the blanket.

— Are you having fun right now? — And you noticed when his tone changed.

— You're my friend's brother. — The way you said sounded like a reminder for both.

— You can't blame me for trying to shoot my shot. I've been waiting for my turn for a while. — He rested his body on his arms, looking at you.

— I thought you got over your little crush on me when you got in college. — You turned your head to look at him.

— I thought I did, but then I saw you looking gorgeous in that blue dress sitting alone... like I said, you can't blame me. — He leaned his head to the side and shamelessly checked you out. — And maybe it wasn't your intention, but I can't stop thinking you dressed up this pretty just because you knew we were going to meet. — You stayed silent, trying to find the words, but he kept talking. — And I can continue with the cheesy talk if you want, but I really want to kiss you, at least once.

And you knew that if you thought about it, you wouldn't do it, so you just did it.

You shared a sigh of relief, letting the other know how long you were waiting for it. His tongue made his way to your mouth and you let him.

But it hit you. — Wait... — He started to kiss your neck. — Your sister...

— She doesn't have to know if you don't want to, even though I'd pay to see her reaction to this. — Mingyu pulled you from your neck to kiss you again. You put your hand over his chest and straddle him. — Uhm, don't start something you can't finish.

— We both know I started this earlier. — You said, admitting you dressed up like this for him.

— I fucking knew it. — His hands flew to your butt, squeezing it. — Are you sure you want to take the risk?

— Are you asking yourself... kid? — You called him the nickname you used to call him when he was in high school.

The way back to your hotel was fast, none of you couldn't wait any longer. You opened your door quickly and threw everything to the floor, you'd clean later.

You took Mingyu to your room and pushed him to the bed to straddle him again, but he inverted the positions, and you were about to protest when you felt his fingers brush over your underwear. You weren't ashamed by how wet you were, he even growled against your neck when his finger made the fabric to the side. He was skilled and you hated yourself for waiting so long to finally let him touch you.

He started with one finger, then two. The wet noises filling the room. You moaned out loud when his thumb put pressure on your clit. You didn't care if anyone heard you. You felt his fingers leave you and his body over you. You opened your eyes and you caught him licking his fingers clean. He lowered his body and removed your underwear, but leaving your skirt. You took a deep breath when his tongue finally made contact with your cunt, pulling your own hair when he opened your lower lips with his finger so he could have more access.

— Fuck, Mingyu... — You moaned when he gave a quick suck on your clit.

And it was like you told him what to do; he continued sucking on your clit while fingering you.

And just now you felt ashamed because you were so close. You pulled his hair, but wouldn't be able to tell him, your loud moans were his sign to know though.

He gave you a last lick before going up with you again. You kissed him and removed your sweaty hair from your face.

You pushed him again while kissing, pulling his shirt up and helping him to undress. You almost felt sorry by how red his dick was. You started to massage him slowly, then you grabbed it and spreaded to precum on the tip. Mingyu grabbed your neck and kissed you, making you confused, but you didn't stop to jerk him. His hand went to unclasp your bra without removing your top, not leaving a single doubt he loved the outfit. He massaged your boobs under your top and pinched your nipples, making you whine.

— I hate to be that jerk, but I don't have a condom. — He said, grabbing your hand that was still jerking him.

— You're in my hotel room with me dressing this nicely for you, what made you think I was done? — You gave him a quick kiss before standing up and grabbing a condom from the drawer.

— I'm so close to marrying you, woman. — He said, throwing his head back when you straddle him and slowly rolled down the condom.

Mingyu pushed your body back to the bed and pinned your hands over your head before penetrating you. His eyes on your boobs told you enough to know why he chose that position. But you couldn't keep your eyes open for too long, he felt too good inside you, you not being able to move added something to the situation.

The bed started to crash against the wall, and even though none of you would ever admit it, that turned you one even more.

His lips started to suck on your neck and you immediately moved your head so he could have better access to it. His finger went under your top again to pinch your nipples, making you moan and throw your head back.

— I'll never get tired of that. — Mingyu said in a whisper. You didn't answer, biting your lip when he gave you a last hard pinch.

The skirt started to bother you so one of your hands went to the knot on your right side and untied it. Mingyu pulled out and quickly removed the skirt and your underwear before penetrating you again. You pushed him back and rode him, both moaning for the new angle. You could feel him on your stomach, and while you were looking him in the eyes, you also removed your top.

He loved the view, he wanted to enjoy it every day and night. God, he was obsessed.

You moving your body up and down in a desperate way took him out of his thoughts. Your boobs bouncing were distracting, but he wanted them in his mouth. You pulled his hair when you felt his teeth biting softly your left nipple.

You grabbed his chin and made you look up. His eyes were dark and his lips were swollen. You kissed him a little before biting his lower lip and cummed. His hands went straight to your hips to keep the movements, making your whine for the overstimulation. But he didn't take long, his lower whines confirmed he also finished. And even though you were already trying to catch your breaths, your hips were moving slowly.

— If you're going to keep going, then I'm going to need another condom. — He said, burying his finger on your skin to make you stop. You finally stopped and pulled him out, making both of you sigh.

After that, you ordered dinner and Mingyu sent a message to a friend to send him some clothes and other belongings. The night was calm, and while you were enjoying your food, you talked about your lives. Kissed some more and fell asleep.

You woke up close to 4am to go to the bathroom. Carefully, you got up without waking Mingyu up.

You looked at yourself in the mirror and sighed. She doesn't have to know if you don't want to. Mingyu's voice resonated in your head. Maybe it was the best.

Mingyu's reflection appeared behind you, but you didn't turn around. He walked toward you and caged you between the sink and his body.

— Is everything ok? — Hi said, kissing your neck and playing with the elastic of your pajamas. He was teasing you, and you were a little surprised you were down for it.

You both shared a look in the mirror and nodded. You pushed your butt against him, making you bite his lip. Oh you were so down for it

#kpop smut #seventeen smut #mingyu smut #seventeen mingyu smut #seventeen mingyu hard hours #mingyu hard hours #kim mingyu smut #kim mingyu hard hours

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keepingthehopealive · 11 days ago

Text

Emdr intensive session #1.

I want to write about this. May end up making it private or even deleting it, but right now sharing feels ok and safer. This is basically what I wrote to my therapist PT (main therapist) after the session with ET (emdr therapist)

The freeze was immediate and extreme. I went in and immediately curled up quite a bit and didn't make eye contact or engage. There wasn't any judgement about me not making eye contact and ET did a lot to show and tell me how it was OK. I think it kind of helped that ET knew it going in so she addressed it immediately. It was an interesting balance of her not immediately trying to save me from it or push me out of it jumping into conversation or questions, but also not leaving me stuck in it. She gave me a couple fidgits to play with while we talked and talked through some small movements with varried success on my part. I spent most of the 3 hours in the freeze, but to varrying levels. ET told me right from the start that she has experienced tonic immobility and freeze before and that she does understand it. She also later said she has worked with multiple clients with dissociative presentations and freeze.

When we were talking about the dogs or work, I felt some moments of reprieve. I didn't really "lose" my voice till the last half hour but I was able to push through it. Towards the end, I also started getting really bad stomach pain and cramps. My body feels depleted and in pain today, which isn't a foreign experience for me, but feels quite extreme. I crashed hard after session yesterday and am glad I have the weekend off, since I don't think I'd be able to jump back into work after the session.

We talked a lot about the freeze and she tried different things to get me to move and work with it. I of course was a failure and couldn't do much of anything she suggested or asked of me, even the tiny things like closing my eyes or small movements. Its reinforcing the hopelessness and pointlessness of doing all this because I cant even fucking try. I know it wouldn't have been a reasonable expectation that I'd suddenly be able to do something different, it just feels so shameful, especially as I'm now spiraling over some of the things that I (should have, wish I could have, wanted to etc) try when ET suggested or asked me to try. Especially when she tried showing an EMDR technique to try (flash technique). I wanted to scream at myself that its the whole fucking point and how im a weak failure and wasting everyone's time if I cant even try.

We talked a lot about protective parts and defenses and identified some of the big ones for me which were the freeze, (skin) picking and then the "I cant". I felt like it did weave into a lot of history taking too, and we covered a lot, but it didnt feel too intake-ey.

ET did a lot of psychoeducation, a lot of stuff that felt familiar to me and I already knew (which she was validating about and respected and didn't talk down to me) but some from a different lens with parts work. Shame made those parts of the conversations really hard to engage with. It wasn't that they didn't feel relevant or land with me it was the thoughts about how it shouldnt land for me and I don't have trauma or deserve it. One of those exercises was thinking about the fearful part and how old it is/what it needs to loosen the grip on some of the defenses. That was where the "I cant" came in full force and I couldn't engage or even try. It was also very hard to engage at all with what was happening in my body.

I felt that ET was way too nice and validating. In the begining it felt more infantalizing and like fake niceness but I don't think it was. It was just her going slow and not pushing me, probably made worse by the fact that I walked in and immediately froze and all the defenses came up (so damage control on her part basically). It got a bit better as the session progressed, and I communicated it in the way I could. I actually used what you had said about how deliberate validation and reassurance doesn't work well for me but I do better with genuineness. Even before I said or communicated any of that, ET had already self disclosed that she's experienced the freeze and tonic immobility before. I ultimately felt she was genuine but still too nice. She kept saying "its fine", particularly when I was shame spiraling, and I pushed back. ET's response was that it was fine for her, even if it wasn't for me.

Other stuff:

ET does both EMDR and parts work so a lot of what we talked about was more parts work based. she mentioned doing a "map" but we only got as far as making a list of the protective parts coming up as there was a lot to talk about there. She also talked a lot about the polyvagal theory, window of tolerance and how I am alternating between hypo and hyperarousal but never in that window of tolerance. PT does ACT and said they've reframed it as "window of flexibility" where its the state where you feel and are able to make decisions.

Another thing ET said when I was talking about my mother is the term "emotional incest" which I've never heard but she explained and I looked up after is similar to enmeshment. The bit that I looked up is very relevant to my relationship with my mom.

My HW is a resourcing/anchoring activity of thinking of times, people, places etc where I have felt that sense of safety or neutrality in my body and in myself. Im going to write about it separately I think because PT and I have been working through it together, which has been helpful and interesting.

I see ET again in about a week and half so it'll be 3 weeks between the appointments. Im not sure what will be after that as that is what we booked so far. Its already been hard and intense, but i at least think I want to keep trying for the time being since it is a different approach and something new.

#therapy #emdr therapy #EMDR #therapy intensive #parts work

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desertsfic · 24 days ago

Note

im probably about to get very fucking personal, and you have every right to delete this now, now, now and never think about it or me, ever again, but i needed to get it out of me or i was going to choke on it.

i recently discovered your fanfic Metempsychosis buried in the rubble of some (really good) fucking piece of fanart. it barely had a hundred likes (absolute fucking crime, gorgeous artwork) but it was enough of an anglerfish to draw me in and— I'll be blatantly honest, i have no idea how much about mental illness you have first hand experience with but i'm going to guess youre painfully familiar with it because reading it was like watching someone put the inside of my head on a platter and i finally got to point to things and go "how did you explain that"

the way you formatted the paragraphs was so well done i got beyond excited to read, for what is probably the first and only time in my life, a story that was written the way my train of thought tends to be. the cadence, the way it abruptly shifts but you can still keep track of it but when you start losing track its ok, its ok, its ok, its fine, its whatever, its just a fucking— fuck, and, fuck, and fuck— and then it switches off into the next day, the next hour, yesterday and then its 5pm forever.

you encapsulate the phenomenon of cptsd so starkly its insane, i cannot stress enough how much people rarely depict my own personal experiences with cptsd this accurately. it resonated profoundly . what's genius about the way you set this fic up is that when you meet him, its dirk, yeah, of course, its dirk, and then you get to the chapter where Diedrich meets Dirk in a dream bubble for the very first (coherent) time and you write this young dream bubble Dirk so absolutely in character that youre suddenly flooded with all the memory and weight of what young, canon dirk, is truly like and the abysmal weight (of) realization, that the "dirk" youve been reading the pov from, is so fucking isolated its suffocating.

your use of color is jarring and it fits so well with disrupting the flow of the story just enough that it clicks in the back of your head like shards of glass, but youre so invested in the story its impossible to be truly pulled out of it, because its You, Its always been You— oh god and Jade?

bark bark bark, ok! ! just nail — man you nailed EVERYONE on the head but wrote them jussstttt off enough that it unsettles you but the unsettling sensation is so small compared to everything else you cant even feel it until something happens— Dave

you wrote dave. so well.

dude, im telling you, i finished his first rambly bullshit paragraph you introduced to the fic and i teared up so hard i almost cried . i cannot explain to you how perfectly you have encapsulated his nervous energy, his endearing petulance, the soft murmurs that betray what he's thinking even when he's saying something else. you got his grin to his smile to his smirks down to a T and it makes me so emotional i want to punch a fuckin hole in my wall for being unable to capture it in my art the way you capture it in words. i dont think you truly understand your ability to express Imagery in Words.

I have spent an ungodly amount of time and energy and whatever else bullshit there is to spend on observing and drinking books, arts, media, fanfic, music, theatre, anything, anything, anything at-fucking-all that involves story and prying loose from it ( every god damn thing i have ever touched) Meaning and Emotions and a god damn fucking collection of shambled personalities that mumble out half memorized lines of their source material, god— even people are experiences to me, i meet someone in the street for three seconds, have an interaction and i remember them for decades but ill forget something "important" because ?.?.fuckifiknowwhy anyways, every human person is an experience to me, and that experience, it counts as a story in my eyes, and i need you to know with my heart and soul and every fucking fiber of my *gestures to all of me* shit fuck whatever the fuck is happening right here is so unbelievably god damn fucking impressed with what you have written.

i have read, renowned authors whose stories pale in comparison to the absolute fucking gold you just puked into every crevice of the subtext

i do not know how to bind books, but if i ever get permission from you, i am binding this into a fucking book because it reached inside me and fuckinf grabbed my soul and shook it everywhere and screamed "hey! hey look! they put your experiences into Words and you can Understand them."

so thank you.

thank you for writing this. thank you for sharing this, with the world. thank you for letting it stay. i havent finished it, i just finished reading chapter 10 but it was eating me up inside. my friends express a lot that im a lot more— that i experience emotions on a level most people do not, so id very timidly like to add i do not know how this (me) is going to sound and maybe it sounds crazy but. man.

if none of this makes sense just please, please, if youre going to take anything away from this its that You Have Had An Impact In My Life. you have changed me.

and maybe you delete this, maybe you never see this, maybe this gets lost to time forever and ok, ok ok yeah yeahyeah thats cool, whatever, but.

your story did ultimately reach me in a way that stupid fucking kudos button never could express.

so thank you. and know ill never be able to write enough but that if i could id sculpt everything you put into my head.

Ft: art piece i dont think ill ever finish but that you inspired

Hi there! I've been saving this one because it's so long and so personal I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to post!

But it meant so much to me, and I wanted you to know I saw it and read it (and of course showed my closest friends as well haha hope that's okay).

It is super exciting (and flattering) that you felt like the writing style mirrored your thought process! I think second person is so personal, perhaps only second to first person (any pun not intended), and I like it because in a way it definitely lends itself to a writing style based on the narrator/pov. I don't know how well I explained or even how well I wrote that but! Yeah :) thank you!

But seriously, this ask has been sitting here for me to look at for too long, and I wanted you to know that it is perhaps one of the longest, kindest things anyone has ever said about metempsychosis, and that means so much to me!

I know you've long since posted the finished artwork, but it made me so happy the first time I saw it, practically breathless even! To see a little bit of inspiration for the world I've tried cobbling together through words.

So thank YOU, seriously, for being so willing to be open and raw with me. It has meant a lot during this quiet year, and I hope I'm not too late letting you know all this!

#im not very good at responding to asks but i try haha #thank you man!#seriously very cool and nice of you i am a little embarrassed but flattered #i dont feel like i can say enough but! i hope this is okay :)

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blueberry-beanie · 1 year ago

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Visiting Munich & Die Anstalt

8th October - 10th October 2023

A very, very long story about my first ever visit to Munich to see my favourite satire show Die Anstalt. Features long walks through the city, museum visits, Schloss Nymphenburg and its huge garden and a tale about being in the show's audience and meeting Claus. Many photos included. Bonus anxiety and Deutsche Bahn content. The text was written while I was still in Munich or on my way home.

Saturday, 7th Oct 2023: Packing and Heart Attacks

To say that I've been looking forward to going to Munich doesn't quite cut it. When I was still in school years ago, I used to joke that I'd move to Munich, just because it was so far away. I've actually never visited or even passed by - until today. And now the city feels just a bit more special because of the reason for my visit: I'm going to be in the live audience of one of my favourite satire shows, Die Anstalt. But that will be tomorrow. Before I can tell anything about today, I should probably mention what was going on yesterday, though.

Yesterday I posted a drawing of one of the hosts of Die Anstalt, Claus von Wagner. I was really nervous about it because I thought it's not good enough or maybe I'm really bothering him. On top of that I wrote quite a heartfelt caption and was anxious about that the whole time. Good thing I finished all important tasks before posting, because afterwards I was too nervous about everything: The drawing, the journey, the unknown city and of course going to the show. I barely started packing my bag and didn't eat for the whole day when I suddenly got a notification about a new message.

Needless to say my heart dropped and I actually didn't know what to do and sat down on the carpet. And yes, he shared my story and cheekily attached a little timer until the next show. I temporarily forgot how selecting emotions works and felt everything at once. N and I then later discussed why there was no like on the actual post (there wasn't one the last time either), when suddenly he also liked the post half an hour after he shared the story. I didn't care that this whole thing had only a handful of notes, he liked it and that's all the joy I needed.

Sunday, 8th Oct 2023: First Time In Munich

Unfortunately I had a bit too many emotions and it all got quite late - so it was difficult for me to actually wake up today morning. It definitely got better when I was greeted by Claus' very dorky "go vote" Instagram post. Later I discovered that he deleted yesterday's story in favour of election day. Hm, interesting. But I guess it's valid considering the important and serious topic of today's election in Hessen and Bayern.

The train journey started with buckets of rain, my new cleaned & repaired backpack and actually no problems at all until I got into the actual train to Munich. It turned out that seating reservations being displayed in the train was optional today. So I tried to be a decent person and just let the happy couple sit on my seat and went to find another seemingly unoccupied seat next to some guy. Unfortunately it later turned out to be occupied - so I had to go and get my own reserved seat. The train was very full so the strategy of sitting down somewhere else didn't work out anymore. I had a rather unfortunate conversation with the woman in my seat and felt quite bad afterwards. On the plus side, I had dug out an one hour long talk about childhood books with Claus yesterday and so I had the best time listening to this in the train. He's very nerdy and lovely and it was so entertaining to hear about his childhood adventures, teachers, hometown and about how he reads books occasionally with a Merkel voice to his daughter.

When the train finally arrived in München Hauptbahnhof it was an odd feeling to step outside. Like it has been a long time coming until I would finally arrive here. My first impression of Munich wasn't the best. The train station looked old and was being renovated. I stepped outside to look for the vegan restaurant I had saved in my plans, only to get lost in a rather spooky part of town and stand in front of closed doors. So I decided since it was already almost 2pm that I could go and check into the hostel nearby. That proved no problem and I relaxed for a bit in a rather nice five-bed room with a window into the inner courtyard. Knowing that it's not that easy to find food in Germany on Sundays, I ate some of the food I brought with me and then set out for a walk.

First I went to the old botanical garden, which was quite small, crowded with a group of cyclists and police with dogs and overall not very nice. Then I saw the first interesting building that turned out to be Landgericht München. From there I walked into the direction of the obelisk of king Ludwig I. I had an one-euro-ticket for the Alte Pinakothek, an art museum, so that's where I went. Somehow they are very strict there. No jacket, no hand bag, wear your bracelet and don't dare coming close to the paintings (which are already protected by glass). So I got stopped by a guard at some point, which has never happened to me before. Oops. But on the plus side I saw some cool art, for example the self portrait of Dürer, some cool Dutch portraiture, Manet, a little bit of Caspar David Friedrich (though Hamburg has a much bigger collection) and even the old friend Canaletto, whose paintings are always so recognisable, was there. Also they had quite some stuff by Rubens, Delacroix and even a few paintings by Van Gogh.

I didn't spend a lot of time there though and started walking into the direction of Odeonsplatz. Partly because there is the garden of the Residenz palace, but also because there has been this huge demonstration on the 4th October where both Max and Claus participated. I thought it would be fun to visit the place that I've seen many photos and videos of. Upon arrival I immediately understood how 35.000 people fit there - it's massive. The gardens nearby were small but beautiful, with a round Diana Temple in the middle. A lovely lady played the violin in there and gave the garden such a peaceful vibe.

Where to go next? I decided to visit the park near the Maximilianeum, where the Bavarian parliament is situated. So I walked past the huge impressive building of the Bayerische Staatskanzlei with it's huge wings of glass. Then I walked past two impressive buildings belonging to the government of Oberbayern and the museum of five continents towards a bridge over the river Isar. Unlike rivers in north Germany this one is very clear, which is probably because its proximity to the mountains the rocky ground.

The Maximilianeum is a big round building just by the river and I felt more and more as if Bavaria is truly its own little country because of all these monumental buildings. The park was very lovely, but I couldn't explore it fully because it was getting late and my feet were starting to protest along with my shoulders. So I turned around to cross the river at the Friedensengel statue and go back into the direction of Odeonsplatz. On my way I passed by more museums and theatres until I arrived at the tiny park behind the Staatskanzlei and crossed the palace garden again.

At the Odeonsplatz I took a turn into the Theatinerstraße. Suddenly there were many people. It's the center of Munich with fancy restaurants, bars and shops. I walked past the famous Frauenkirche and into the direction of Karlsplatz. Looking at all the people eating and drinking outside in the restaurants I realised I had almost no food at the hostel. So I looked for an affordable place where I could get something quickly and ended up eating a bit of noodles with tofu and veggies at the Karlsplatz. From there it was thankfully only a short trip back to the hostel, during which I listened to a voice message from my school friend Christina (the one I visited in Halle two weeks ago) who wished me lots of fun at Die Anstalt tomorrow.

At the hostel I was greeted by the most annoying shower ever (it turns itself off after ten seconds each time) and fell into bed. The other women in the room weren't very talkative and warned me that they'd get up at 4:30am and 6am respectively. Amazing then, I thought, and fell asleep like a stone at around 10pm. That was a good idea, because the night was loud and restless, but I slept through most of it and woke up in the morning refreshed and ready to go.

Monday, 9th Oct 2023: Palaces and Recreation

Today I woke up at around seven and stayed in bed comfortably until my roommates were done with everything. I got myself ready, ate the last of the food I brought with me and headed out to Schloss Nymphenburg via Tram line 17. It was easy to find and the tram took me right to the palace. Now I've seen some cool palaces in Vienna and London, but this one is truly impressive. It's so wide and the road leading up to it has a canal with huge fishes and some ducks. It's a white building with two huge wings, each of them with a clock tower.

Inside it was a bit awkward at first because there weren't many visitors at half past nine on a monday morning, and it felt like there were more security guards than visitors. The very first room is immediately the most breathtaking: a huge hall with the most beautiful ceiling and so many ornaments on the walls. The sense of wonder I felt while looking at all the extravagance was constantly accompanied by uneasiness. The amount of wealth needed to build this exceeds my imagination.

How could anyone live in such a house? How were the people like who lived in such circumstances? How many people had to be exploited to achieve this kind of wealth? I think it's very useful to keep these magnificent places for future generations to enjoy and maybe use for some art and culture but that doesn't mean their existence sits entirely right with me.

The part of the palace that is publicly open is thankfully not as huge as the palace itself. So after a short while I walked out into the gardens. And if the interior was impressive, the accompanying park is what truly made my day. It is so huge that you can forget you are in a city at all. Its size and the forest and field part reminded me a lot of Hampstead Heath in London, but the massive canal with the fountains in the middle is definitely more like the gardens I saw in Vienna, just even bigger.

The fun thing about this park is that it's publicly accessible, so people go on walks in groups or go for a run alone, go birdwatching or take their dog out. If you have a ticket like me though, you are allowed into the smaller buildings in the park. As if the massive main palace wasn't big enough, they also had smaller little summer houses there. The first I visited was inspired by Chinese art and adorned with porcelain tiles.

Then I walked past cascading waterfalls over a bridge to the temple of Apollo, which is set so beautifully at the pond among the trees. Honestly, the whole time I wished I had a horse to ride around in the park since that is clearly what it was meant for. I walked past a beautiful little fountain with a statue of Pan towards the Badenburg. This little house had a huge swimming pool inside that you can look at from a gallery, absolutely insane. I can't imagine how all of this was like when it was still used as it was intended. From there I saw the garden of the little princes with a hut that looks as if it will grow chicken's feet any minute and turn around.

One of the highlights came in the end: The Marstallmuseum with the carriages, sleighs and everything else that belonged to the royal mews, including two taxidermied horses. I've never seen so many carriages of such colossal and eye-wateringly extravagant quality in one place and I'm wondering how anyone would drive around in these at all. The sleighs looked more like pieces of art than vehicles and the saddles and bits were all so ornamented and beautiful. As a horse-girl I'd be scared to ride on one of these. But please send me my fave horsey Püppi for a turn in the park, thank you.

When the visit was over it was already half past twelve and I was starving. So I went back to the center and got lost in the absolute maze of the U-Bahn underneath the central station until I finally found the right one that took me two stations further to a vegan Döner place, where I had some lasagna. A good opportunity to buy some groceries (and getting lost once again, I have a talent) before going back to the hostel because my feet were killing me.

Overall I'm starting to get the appeal of this city. I'm sure there are many beautiful places to visit here. I like it much more than Berlin so far and I think if I stayed longer I'd get to know many more cool areas. Too bad that this doesn't matter much, because Munich is the most expensive German city. It's near impossible to find anything here even if you wanted to. Looking at how adventurous it is to get a place in Berlin or Hamburg already… no. But I'd definitely love to visit more often to get to know the place better. Now I'm resting in the hostel and slowly getting very nervous becaur it's almost Monday evening. The Monday evening of all evenings I've waited for during these last five months. It's time to visit Die Anstalt.

Monday, 9th Oct 2023: Die Anstalt

I didn't get too much rest because at around half past four the levels of anxiety had risen to such amounts that I jumped up and went for a very short and hectic walk. Then it was already time to get myself ready. I hid the three fancy chocolate bars I had brought from my university town in my handbag inside a black piece of fabric. This way nobody would see them when checking my bag. I didn't believe I would have the opportunity to hand out any chocolate to anyone, but I'll be damned not to try. Since I already can't bring cake to the studio. (There is a very old interview with Claus in which he talks about loving all kinds of cake "If there was cake on the table right now I'd be eating it and I wouldn't be talking to you. Where is the cake? Cake!") Then it was time to leave for the U-Bahn line 1. I was so nervous that even hours after everything would hurt from being tensed up. At some point I had to change to Tram line 25 in the direction of Grünwald, where the Bavaria Film Studios are situated. As expected, it's a rather fancy part of town with big houses and neat gardens. When we arrived at the studios, there were some more visitors heading in the same direction and I had a short talk with two people who also didn't quite know where to go. Thankfully the Anstalt team had set up signs with arrows leading us around the entire fenced off area to the very back. There some friendly people greeted us and directed us to the right building - studio six which I already knew the look of from several past episodes.

And we were not alone! Already a crowd had assembled outside the entrance tent. I didn't linger outside, although I saw today's guests, the duo Das Geld liegt auf der Fensterbank, Marie standing there. Instead I went inside to the queue that was very small still. I left my coat at the cloakroom they set up there and now it was time to wait a bit. After a while a big guy with a grey beard, who actually reminded me of someone I've seen at Die Anstalt, humorously asked us who was here for the first time and explained to leave all jackets here because it's warm inside and to use the restrooms now because there are none in the studio. Then he said, "Alright, let me check if Max and Claus are ready and then we can start." Shortly after we had a security check and were let inside.

The studio looked smaller and bigger than on TV at the same time. There were some chairs, but they were all reserved for special guests, as was the 2nd row behind us. So the two couples who queued next to me sat on both of my sides. The woman to my left quickly started a conversation with me about the show and her daughter who studies something like graphic 3D design and about all sorts of things. We figured out that she and her husband had been watching the show for many years and she was surprised I only started this year - and still seemed to know about all the lore. She even remembered the interview of Claus when he went hiking in the mountains with some guy - an interview I know exists but could never listen to because it's no longer online. We got excited about the little details on the set with a living room area, a court room and - of course! - a whiteboard hidden in the left corner. The reserved seats were filled in the last moment by late arrivals and by people from the back - and then it all started.

The following part I translated, because I wrote it down the same evening in German:

Claus was the first to enter the stage before everything started. He appeared to greet us and to raise our mood a bit. He did... not look too amazing - and that was on purpose. Today he was, as the woman next to me said later, a slimy AfD-politician in a bad suit and with a horrible hair style. But he was there and it was really him. It felt surreal to suddenly see him talking and gesturing, making jokes just in front of me. The same voice, the same smile. I was fascinated by the very fact he was suddenly at the same place as me and cursed the TV-cameras that sometimes obscured our view.

He started asking about who came from Munich and who ("that's the more interesting question!") came from the furthest place. Someone actually travelled all the way from Schleswig-Holstein and they got well-deserved applause. Then he started retelling the old joke about Munich being too clean and the Rats visiting the P1 instead. And the story about the parcel shop he already told at the demonstration. Apparently the joke ended with "Please nobody tell him about Deutsche Bahn, or they will want to overthrow the country." Suddenly Max appeared to a lot of applause - because he wore a Greek philosopher costume with a ridiculous wig and beard today and made us guess what it meant. Correct - it was an allegory for Democracy. He also retold his joke from the Demonstration about why not housing refugees in the palaces and private jets of the rich.

They were telling us about how the show would go. There would be two cuts ("Then we have a bit more time to change. We used to be live-live before the pandemic and only had one minute. That was a battle backstage, believe me. And since some of us are already a bit older...", Claus said, leaning on Max and grinning.) Claus also urged us to turn off our phones, not just mute them "but really truly turning them off". Of course I did that, too. And the people in front of the court practiced to get up when the judge would arrive and were praised for their services. In the end they started to introduce the guests. Das Geld liegt auf der Fensterbank, Marie (a duo "The money is on the windowsill, Marie") who had a long dialogue what annoyed him about her (so she can do it more often in the future). They also introduced Judith Richter ("We didn't just invite her because of her name!" Richter meaning judge in German) and Matthias Renger, who was there for the first time. At some point later Max said something about Claus' dance moves being horrible. Of course the dancer in question had to demonstrate a few moves, which was hillarious.

Then they prepared to start filming the episode. Everyone settled in the living room set and Claus held this stereotypical slate for all the cameras ("The director makes me do that every time and it never works out so well... That's unsettling to have all these cameras on me at once") and talked to the director . And then the scene started. Claus played the right wing AfD-politician Maximilian Krah, an absolute asshole. A disgusting guy who keeps hitting on everyone around him and lounges on the sofa like he owns the entire country. And drinks champagne. And hits Max straight into the eye. I really flinched, because the loud hitting sound effect and the sudden motion surprised me. Also that's not something you would ever expect from Claus.

Both of them are great actors. Neither of them read their text from the screens or had a problem remembering something. Claus was being brilliantly horrible in his role. I don't think I've ever seen him act like a complete villain in this way, it was unsettling. During the scene at the court he constantly kept making suggestive comments to the judge and it was sometimes difficult to look at all of this. Please stop talking man, who are you, this is all horrible and I didn't think I'd have to hear such words from your mouth!

Then he played the overtired Robert Habeck, first falling asleep on the sofa and then kneeling on the carpet with toy bricks. Did someone conceptualise this episode just so I'm alternating between staring, laughing and not being able to look at all of this? In the end they even had a whiteboard scene (of which I sadly didn't see much bc of the damn camera being in my way). There were two breaks indeed for poor Max to change his costume. He played Merz in one of the court scenes and it's so funny how he can resemble him and imitate all of his mannerisms and the voice so well. In the longer break they showed an excerpt from 2016 in which the AfD was a rather unpleasant and murderous baby in its crib. In the end they called on the audience to sign an online petition about making the Federal Institutional Court review a legal ban of the AfD. And then the episode was already over: "Das war die Anstalt!"

Claus immediately tried messing up his horrible hairstyle as if he really didn't want to resemble that despicable AfD-politician in the slightest. But that wasn't the end of the story. First they bowed and had to come out two more times because we didn't stop clapping and cheering. And then a few apprehensive minutes passed. Would they come out once more? And there they were, both of them. And Max even walked straight up to us with a determined face. He was looking for friends and family in the second row behind us. He did not care much for anyone else, and it appeared he was somehow looking for his daughter? This is how I got to see Max up close, but not talk to him. Therefore I couldn't give him the chocolate. But over there, on the stage, there was Claus. And I knew I had to go there right now, otherwise he may disappear and I won't sleep in peace for the next few months. So I parted with my seat neighbours and shyly went up to the stage. At first he was talking to a woman and then it was time for him to join the others for a group photo on the sofa. That was a whole show by itself. He sat on the backrest and firstly made funny and happy faces, then tried being serious and in the end attempted his most seductive look. That wasn't enough, because he leaned forward too much at some point that he slipped down onto the seat behind the others. Everyone started laughing as he had to get back up on his feet again. Sometimes he's really like a little kid. Some of the visitors were actually taking photos with their phones and then disappeared. So after the photo most of the audience had already gone.

But as the photo opportunity was over, Claus got up and walked to the left of the stage towards the backstage exit. I was scared that he would disappear in front of my eyes. But a woman came to the rescue and asked him for a photo. I just stood nearby and listened to the conversation about the show and about the AfD. They were discussing whether the courts could really be filled with right-wing judges and they also talked about the ban of NPD not working out years ago.

It was fascinating to listen to this, because of how knowledgeable he is and how he considers several view points in his arguments. About some things he admitted not knowing enough and needing to read about it first. He is a little waterfall, but so smart and thoughtful and also attentive to what the other person says. I was content to watch the conversation unfold in front of me and took in all the little details with his whole behaviour, intonation and gestures all being just as I know them from watching way too many videos. The biggest difference was how he looked like: He seemed smaller, more fragile and very tired. And still he was engaged in the conversation even more than this woman, despite looking like he needed a whole bar of chocolate and at least three days of sleep.

Then the producer made an announcement and asked all of us to be quiet because Max had to repeat a sentence which he somehow didn't say entirely correctly during the show. The three of us stood there together and Claus told us conspirationally "Ah yes, Herr Uthoff forgot his text again... happens all the time. And now this is particularly tricky because he has to repeat it with everyone looking at him." Max confidently repeated the short passage and Claus resumed his conversation with that woman. At some point I also chipped in, despite being really nervous about it. I said something about how satire shows seemingly unite to save our democracy at the moment with the ZDF Magazin Royale just having released two episodes about right wing extremists at the Frankfurt police.

It was really odd to suddenly have him looking me straight into the eyes. What do you mean he sees me and hears me and replies to what I said? Suddenly grammar and vocabulary were very abstract concepts. I have a general difficulty with looking into people's eyes, it is usually very challenging for me, but I really wanted to try. I knew how lucky I was to get to talk to him at all. Eventually the woman left and an older couple approached. The woman asked for a photo, but I offered to take a picture with both of them together with Claus which they gladly accepted and were really happy about it. They did not stay to talk for long and suddenly they also disappeared.

Now it was my turn to say something. I was very glad to have a reason at least. "Excuse me, may I also bother you for a few seconds? I brought something for you if that is ok." He had already kind of turned to go but agreed, "Oh, yes sure." So I got all three chocolate bars from my handbag and gave them to him. He thanked me and I remarked somehow that these are greetings from Sachsen. He was happy that there was some representation from Sachsen and assured me it is still valid, although I'm not actually from there. Then it dawned on him that all three bars are probably not for him and asked to whom else to give them. I said he can decide himself how he wants to distribute them. In response he cheekily hid two of the chocolates behind his back and joked that these will be for him only. I laughed and said that my friend (it was N!) had suggested to give all three of them to him, and he liked that idea very much. During the whole conversation he kept on shuffling them in his hands, a bit as if they were playing cards. Then he said more seriously that they will make up the main stash of sweets in the writers' room when conceptualising the next episode. I told him that I would have brought cake instead of chocolate if that was possible. The reaction to this statement was priceless. In this short moment I could see confusion about why suddenly cake is mentioned, then recognition that yes, it's something he likes indeed and again confusion about whether and how I could know this. He stammered something about "Ah yes, cake... yes, yes indeed", before he told me that Max apparently often brings all sorts of things to the writers room "but sadly not cake". Poor man, I would have brought an entire baking sheet of cake for him.

I asked him afterwards if I may have a photo together and he immediately agreed. So I reached for my phone and realised it was still turned off! "Oh no, sorry! I listened to what you said and turned off my phone!" He laughed and pretended to be incredulous, "Someone listens to what I say?" I don't know what hit me, but I managed to look him in the eyes and reply in the same joking manner "Yes, of course! I always listen to what you say." "And now we have to wait for three long minutes until it finally turns on again," he quipped with a smirk. Some guy who had joined us in the meantime, saw his opportunity and said "Ah well, then I could quickly ask you something in the meantime!" Claus agreed and they started a conversation about whether forbidding the AfD is really the solution to the problem or rather suppressing the causes or making it worse. In the meantime my phone had turned on again and I just listened to their conversation.

Suddenly a woman called Claus in an impatient tone. Fair enough, around us the technicians and helpers were already taking away chairs and diassembling the equipment. Claus shouted back, "Sorry, sorry! We are still talking. It's my fault, I have been talking way too much again!" The conversation somehow shifted to his (right now nonexistent) solo tours and he said that he is in fact planning to do one. I immediately chipped in, "Oh really? I would love you to go on a solo tour, please!" He said that he actually likes being on the theatre stage much more than "down here" but he hasn't managed to write a program because of family, health and because he writes eight shows for Die Anstalt each year ("And I really write a lot for them!"). I reassured him that a solo tour would be amazing and that I would definitely come to see him. He thanked me and remembered that actually many people have said the same and he really plans on making it happen "before 2025".

The guy wanted to to take his leave and Claus already wanted to say bye, too ("Otherwise I will collapse soon"). But I stood there with wide eyes and my phone and panicked a bit and shyly started "Oh, and the-?" And he remembered about the photo, "Ah yes, of course." That guy offered to take the photo but I said no thanks, I'll manage. And then joked a bit about "at least, if my hands aren't shaking too much", which was true, I was really a bit shaky. But Claus immediately replied "Oh no, it's alright. My hands have been shaky earlier, too." I managed to take a photo and thanked him profusely, also for liking my post. I didn't specify which post, but he understood right away and realisation hit him: "Ohhh, so that was you with the drawing?" "Yes, that's me who has recently been bothering you with drawings on Instagram." "Thank you so much for the drawing. It's great! I wish I could draw, too!" And then it was really time for him to go and we said goodbye. I turned around and realised, that I was pretty much the only crazy person left in the studio and quickly went outside to fetch my coat.

On my way back to the hostel I was still so full of adrenaline and my hands were still shaking. Everything was too much for me and I could not calm down until late at night at around 2am. Not only did I witness the show live, but I also had the huge luck to have met Claus. That I got to look him in the eyes and talk to him is more than I expected. And he even got the chocolate! Psst! I don't mind, you can eat all three of them. I won't tell, I promise. I am a bit worried and guilty about keeping him for so long and hope that the poor guy could get a lot of rest and cake and chocolate to recover. He really looked very tired, despite giving his everything for the show and for everyone who came to talk to him afterwards. I wish that I could have given him a big hug, but we are not at an EE concert where you can receive the prescribed eight hugs a day. That has never been a realistical wish anyway, and I know that very well. And it doesn't matter, because I got so much more than I dared to hope for and I am so thankful and happy.

Tuesday, 10th Oct 2023: A Final Day

Today I realised that I started to really like Munich. Maybe because it reminds me a bit of London. Not necessarily the Biergärten, but the impressive buildings, the wide roads and the wonderful parks. After three days I feel sad to leave this city behind. There are many beautiful things about Munich. In the morning I left around ten and made my way to the Münchener Stadtmuseum. First I got to see the beautiful Marienplatz with so many flowers and beautifully ornamented buildings. Then I got sidetracked a little and ended up at the famous Viktualienmarkt instead. It wasn't overcrowded in the morning and I got to eat an original Bavarian Brezel in the shade of a tree. The Viktualienmarkt has permanent stands with loads of different foods, but I also saw a plant shop and some shops selling souvenirs.

Then it was time to visit the museum. For students the entrance fee was very cheap and for the money you can enter all exhibitions, not just the permanent one. I enjoyed the chronological permanent exhibition, though I feel like the later history was missing, as they stopped with the end of second world war. Then there was an exhibition about displaced people after the war - it was just one room though and I found the one with a similar topic in Bremen much more educational. I made the mistake to go upstairs to the exhibition of puppets. That was eerie as hell and I quickly got out of there. The reason I wanted to visit in the first place was a temporary exhibition about the rise of the NS party and their mechanisms of executing power. A very interesting, but also dark and scary exhibition, especially since right wing parties are on the rise again. Parts of the exhibition also overlapped with what we learned last semester in media history.

After that I was quite happy to go outside into the sunshine again. Today was a very sunny and warm day, a perfect ending of a beautiful journey. First I got a smoothie and a banana at an overcrowded supermarket and then I made my way towards the Eisbachwelle, a permanent wave at a bridge in a huge park. Surfers are riding the wave with many spectators watching them. I kept walking to a place called the Monopteros that reminded me of the Apollo temple I'd seen yesterday. From there I had a wonderful view over the park and the city. I discovered afterwards that the Chinese tower was actually in a beer garden (of course) and slowly started to make my way back.

I passed by the house of arts with a certain golden bar and the P1 club that is famous, although not necessarily with a good name to it, just for being posh.

I went back through the palace garden and passed by the Odeonsplatz one last time. Originally I'd wanted to go and get some food right away but then I thought that maybe looking for some clothing without holes would also be a good idea (I didn't find anything, though). The veggie and rice bowl I got was really good, although a bit sour. And now it was already time to get my backpack that I left at the hostel and board the train. As I'm writing this in the train I'm happy because Claus has liked my comment under his promo post for the show airing on TV this evening. Maybe I'll still get to watch it when I come home... Thanks Munich for such a wonderful time, hopefully I'll be back soon!

#big thank you to all of you who sent good vibes and tried to calm me down here when i was nervous #if anyone at all reads even half of this: you are incredible and have nerves of steel #wrote all these details down for myself to remember everything #die anstalt 2023 #munich #my concerts #(that's just the tag for my travel journals here)#cvw

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therecordchanger62279 · 7 months ago

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GOODBYE FACEBOOK

After 15 years on Facebook, I deleted my account yesterday. I joined originally because I was feeling isolated, and wanted to make contact with people who’d drifted out of my life, and maybe find a few new friends in the process. Although I didn’t know it at the time, that’s not the way social media works.

I didn’t make a single new friend in my 15 years on Facebook. I lost track of how many old friends I lost because of it, but the number exceeded seven. Many of those fell victim to misunderstandings that probably never would’ve happened if we’d been face-to-face with one another. (I was even forced to unfriend my twin brother because he took some of my comments on his posts the wrong way. It’s very difficult to convey humor when the person can’t look you in the eye. It doesn’t matter how many laugh emojis you attach. When I discovered he adjusted his settings so I wouldn’t see his posts, I thought I’d better unfriend him before it got out of hand. The damage has since been repaired the old-fashioned way – we talked on the phone, and through an e-mail exchange.) The others happened because this social media app allowed people to needlessly, and without provocation abuse me to satisfy some malicious drive in them to humiliate or belittle me for reasons I simply cannot fathom. It’s called trolling, but you don’t really expect trolls to be people you thought of as friends. Rather than try to repair the damage, I simply walked away. I have no time left in my life for people who clearly do not want me in theirs.

I also made the unpleasant discovery that most people are liars or phonies. They’ll pose as friends, but, in reality, you, and the things you do with your life are of no real interest to them at all. You are nothing more than part of an audience when they take center stage to tell of their lives. I often compare it to being in a large gathering of people who are all talking, and nobody is actually listening. I can’t tell you how often I was solicited to give feedback or support on some of their artistic pursuits, but after spending three years working on this blog I’m proud of, and being urged by those same people to permit them access to it because they all said they wanted to see it, I showed them my work, and nearly all of them completely ignored it. They didn’t reject it because they didn’t like what I’d done. They just never bothered to look at it. And yet, they still continued to lobby me for support and encouragement when they made new music, or wrote a new book or a play, or took up a cause.

I was that guy at a party, standing in the room in plain sight that nobody noticed; to whom nobody spoke. I figured nobody would notice or care when I left. So, I simply walked out the door, and I’m not coming back.

I haven’t even mentioned what a trainwreck the site is when it comes to how it’s managed. Understanding their community guidelines regarding posts is like walking through a Bosnian minefield. No matter how careful you are, you’re eventually going to step on one, and you get to spend some time in Facebook jail until you learn your lesson. The news feed is clogged with ads, and an endless stream of suggested pages based on all the data they’ve collected on you that makes them think they know who you are, and can therefore market their products to you, and help separate you from your money. For example, I don’t watch or follow much sports anymore except some NFL during the season. But there were always endless suggestions in my feed that I follow pages about hockey, basketball, baseball, and many more. No matter how many I blocked, they just kept coming. I’m retired, and have been married for almost 44 years. But there were plenty of ads for online senior dating websites. I guess there was money to be made if Facebook could break up my marriage. And don’t you find it creepy when you look up some product online, and suddenly there’s that same product in an ad on your Facebook news feed? Big Brother is watching you 24/7. Don’t kid yourself otherwise.

So, why did it take 15 years to decide to leave? Well, I had come to rely upon it for some news, and weather, and announcements of new products I might be interested in (music, books, etc.). It was like that relic from the past – a daily newspaper. I also told myself I ought to maintain my page so that I would have some connection to friends and family since none of them live near me, and most I haven’t seen in more than a decade. But the light finally went on, and I realized these people were ghosts. I’d surrounded myself with my past. I discovered that once you’re not a part of someone’s day-to-day life (and that includes relatives as well as friends), you never will be again. You simply don’t matter any longer. Everybody has moved on, and nobody saved you a place at the table.

Okay. I accept that. But what I found impossible to tolerate was the hypocrisy. When I hit the delete button yesterday, I felt as if a weight had been lifted. There are suddenly so many things I no longer need be concerned with, and people I can consign, once and for all, to the place they all occupy – the past. I wished them well, and some commented I should stay in touch, but I won’t bother because I know they won’t bother.

Cyberspace is the real distance between people in the 21st century. Calling the internet the “worldwide web” is the perfect name for it. Because like a fly, you can get trapped in the web, and find yourself prey to all sorts of predators, with, seemingly, no way out – until you open that door, and the web breaks, and you’re suddenly free to crawl away before you’re trapped again.

If I could go back and live in the last century, I would. But I can’t. So, I’ll just have to find a way to cope in this one. Social media wasn’t helping. I can’t tell you how grateful I am there was a delete button.

#Facebook

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seospicybin · 2 years ago

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COLLATERAL.

PART IV

I.N x reader x Hyunjin. (s)

Chapters: Part I / Part II / Part III

Author’s note: The moment of truth........ I’m going to go hide now!

It all started that night he asked you to send a file for the magazine's ads list.

He got confused for a while, he thought that you were reading something on the internet and accidentally attached the file to the email.

He thought of deleting it right away because never in his life did he get time to read for such things.

Not until he realized that you were the one who wrote it, you used a different pen name but he knew because it's a mix of your middle name and nickname.

He got curious about this hidden talent of yours and spent the night scrolling down the blog, reading about your wildest fantasies.

He must admit that you'll make a great writer and he wondered why you worked as an assistant when you can write that well?

Jeongin originally planned to keep quiet about it but once he found you and got to know you better, he got intrigued to fulfill your fantasy just to see how would you react.

That was why he kissed you by the copy machine, exactly like in the story you wrote. He pinned you against the copy machine with his hands caging your body and kissed you.

He wouldn't lie about it, he liked kissing you and you were so responsive, so pliant to his touches, almost needy.

Just thinking of being the one who made your fantasies come true for you making him feel exuberant and the slightest bit cocky.

He also discovered that he got his own satisfaction from fulfilling your fantasies, what made it easier to make it happen was because your body endlessly enraptured him.

When he knew that the man you wrote of having fantasies with is based on Hyunjin, he felt... oddly betrayed?

It felt like he was merely fulfilling and not becoming that man of your fantasies.

That was why he got mad, he got mad at himself for thinking he fits that description and suddenly lost his temper at you.

He knew it wasn't your fault, on top of that, you didn't even know that he had been secretly reading your writings.

It's a common thing to make a small mistake like that, he knew he shouldn't be harsh and embarrassed you in front of people, and he knew very well he shouldn't mix his emotions with professionalism.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Hyunjin confronted him, stopping him from entering the car after the filming was done.

He had never seen Hyunjin this mad before, eyes furrowed and jaws tensed, gritting his teeth with anger.

Jeongin didn't feel like going into an argument with Hyunjin, not there in the parking lot of the TV station, and not that day.

Jeongin sighed and got into his car, ignoring his question.

Hyunjin scoffed in disbelief, "You'd better apologize to her!" He warned then slammed the door of his car shut with so much force.

He already planned on apologizing to you without Hyunjin telling him to. He just didn't know how... should he buy something? Should he go on his knees? Or simply utter his apology with the utmost sincerity?

Not that he never made any mistakes before. He didn't know how to properly ask for forgiveness because he had never been that rude to someone before.

It wasn't easy to just forget about yesterday.

You are not the type to hold a grudge over someone.

But when you were loading the dirty laundry you remembered how everyone looked at you as he snapped at you with rage, how you wanted to disappear right at that moment because of how shameful to be seen like that.

You admitted that it was your mistake, an error from your end but did he has to scream it out loud to you?

You slammed the lid shut and started the washing machine.

You had done almost every chore there was, from changing your bedsheets to vacuuming the living room just so you didn't have time to think about yesterday.

There was nothing left to do and the weather was nice despite the crisp autumn air yet you didn't have any motivation to go outside.

You stood there in the middle of the room thinking of what to do next.

Finally decided to take a bath, a long hot bath with that nice bubble bath you bought a long time ago, and a bottle of chilled wine because you earned it.

You didn't know how long you've dozed off in the bath that the water had cooling down, but you were sure you heard your doorbell ringing.

You groaned as you got out, and put on a bathrobe real quick to open the door.

It was probably the mailman, you thought.

"I'm coming!" You yelled as you unlocked the door, then swung it open.

You froze when you found Jeongin behind the door, carrying a bouquet of flowers in one arm.

Aware that you were dressed half-decent, you quickly hid behind the door but Jeongin mistook it for you not wanting to see him.

Jeongin put a hand on the door and stopped you from closing it, "I come here to apologize,"

You burst out laughing looking at his panicked face, you only saw it then and he looked so adorable.

Jeongin got confused about your reaction, "what's so funny?" He asked.

You stopped laughing, "Nothing," you said.

"Are those flowers for me?" You gestured to the flower he had been hugging so close.

Jeongin immediately handed it to you, "yes,"

You brought it close to your nose to smell it, "so beautiful. Thank you!"

Jeongin just stood there watching you smelling the flowers.

"You didn't bring me anything else?" You playfully asked.

Jeongin remembered the other things he brought along with him, "oh, this too," he gave you a paper bag, you didn't know what was inside but you could easily see the bottle of wine.

You laughed again because you weren't serious about your question. You stepped away and opened the door wider.

Again, he cluelessly stood there.

"Are you going to come in or...?" You asked.

"S-sure," he stammered.

Jeongin awkwardly walked further inside and suddenly your small apartment felt a lot smaller with him in there.

"You can sit wherever you want," you said.

"You don't have much choice, it's the couch or the floor," you added with a smile.

Jeongin must have felt awkward being in your apartment and you felt obligated to make him feel comfortable, it was a force of habit.

He sauntered to the couch and sat on it, he looked rigid, out of place.

You couldn't help but let out another smile, "I'll get you something to drink," you said.

You went to the kitchen and put the flowers in a vase, then started taking out everything from the paper bag.

You made a small plate of charcuterie on a tray and Jeongin came to the kitchen, "Let me help you open it," he offered, taking the bottle of wine from the paper bag.

"Sure," you opened the drawer to take out a wine opener.

The bottle made a loud pop and made you squeal in surprise, Jeongin smiled seeing your reaction.

"I'm a jumpy person!" You reminded him.

"Yes, I know," he said.

You went to open the top cabinet to pull out two wine glasses at the same time Jeongin went over to you, you accidentally hit his head with the cabinet you were opening.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry!" You quickly apologized.

You immediately reached for his head and checked if he was okay, rubbed over his forehead even though you weren't sure if that part was hurt.

"Is it hurt?" You asked him.

But Jeongin only looked down at you while you were concerned over the growing bump on his forehead.

"Sit down there on the chair," you ordered, "I'll get ice for your head,"

Jeongin complied and sat on the chair next to the small dining table.

You wrapped ice cubes in a small towel and went over to him, pressing it on his bumped head.

"I am so sorry," you said again as you bent down and checked his face.

"It's okay," Jeongin assured you, didn't stop staring at you.

He pulled you onto his lap and put a hand around your waist, "I am sorry," he muttered.

He sounded so sincere and genuinely regretted it, his eyes were so tender, so delicate.

"I am so sorry about yesterday," he said again, he lost his breath at the end of the sentence.

You didn't say anything but take in his words.

He brushed his hand through your hair, then put it on your shoulder, "I understand if you can't forgive me,"

He took the bag of ice away and held your face with both hands, "I can't even forgive myself," he added.

You had never seen him this close, not physically but emotionally. He is your superior at work, you're so used to thinking of him highly and mighty.

You sometimes forget that he's just a human.

And it felt nice to see that side of him.

You smiled and nodded, "I forgive you,"

"Why would you forgive me that easily?" He asked, instead of feeling relieved, he got mad at your decision.

"I was so cruel to you," he reminded.

"I know,"

"Then why?" He asked with eyebrows wrinkled in confusion.

"Because you're here now to take responsibility for your mistake and sincerely apologized to me," you simply answered.

"But-"

You put your hand on his mouth because you knew he would say something else to blame himself more.

And he did, he put your hand away, "You shouldn't be-"

You shut him up with your mouth this time, pressed your lips so hard on his not allowing him to speak.

When you deemed he won't say anything else, you slowly pulled away, "Just shh..." you said with a pout.

His hand that was resting on your shoulder moved to your neck and brought your face closer to kiss you again.

You smiled against his kisses yet you hate how you couldn't stay mad at him for long.

You planned something in your head as you led him to your bedroom, you sat him on the chair pushed to your vanity table.

You kissed him more while sitting on his lap then let go with a gasp, "stay here!"

Intoxicated by your kisses, he nodded to your instruction.

You walked backward while maintaining eye contact with him until the back of your legs hit your bedframe.

"Stay there and don't move until I told you so," you instructed again as you sat at the end of the bed.

He nodded with his mouth slightly parted open and you guessed that he knew that he was to get punished.

You shot a sly smirk at him then put both your feet up on the bed, and crawled over to the bedside table to pull out something, a vibrator.

Jeongin sighed, he could see what kind of punishment you were going to give to him and he didn't like it.

You sat on the end of the bed again with the vibrator next to you and looked at him, his hands resting on the armrests like a little boy on a timeout.

You started to part your bathrobe open, slowly sliding it down one arm and groping under to feel your breast.

You untied the bathrobe next in a painstakingly slow motion just to prolong his torture.

Those foxy eyes couldn't intimidate you that day, you were the one in charge.

You sat up and took the bathrobe off until you were fully naked, let him take a good look at your body.

You ran your hands around your body and softly moaned, enjoying your own touch to tantalize him more. Cupping your breasts, circling your nipples with your fingers, touching yourself all over, and hearing his breathing got heavier the lower your hands went.

You shifted on the bed and slowly parted your legs open, presenting him with a clear view of your heating core.

Jeongin swallowed hard and you heard him sharply inhaling his breath, you could see how much he struggled to keep himself from going at you.

You giggled because it was amusing to watch him restraining himself.

You shoved two fingers into your mouth until they were with your saliva then started to trace your folds, gently touching the delicate flesh in fluttering little touches.

You looked him in the eyes as you started circling your clit in a circular motion, pleasuring yourself with your fingerpads applying gentle pressure on your clit.

You moaned and threw your head back, once you deemed it was wet enough you reached for the vibrator and turned it on.

The vibrator made a low buzzing sound and you smiled in excitement.

Jeongin shifted on his seat as his trousers got tight with every passing second of watching you touching yourself.

You opened your legs wider and made sure he could see everything, then eagerly put the sex toy to use.

You moaned louder and sighed in delight, reclined on the bed with one hand against the mattress.

"Oh my God!" You threw your head back as you sighed.

You added more speed to the vibrator while slowly grinding at it, arching your back.

Jeongin's hand went to his growing bulge and started stroking through the fabric.

You slyly smiled at him while keeping the stimulation going and completely lost in the pleasure as you were closing into your high, squirmed and writhed on the bed as your orgasm hit, lit your body in burning pleasure.

You forgot about Jeongin being there the whole time as you lay down on the bed while collecting your breath.

You got up and saw him still touching himself, you put on your bathrobe robe without tying it.

You got off the bed and looked at him, seeing the frustration on his face.

"Do you need help with that?" you asked, eyeing his erection.

You stood in front of him while tying your bathrobe, "Even if I could, I wouldn't help. Sorry," you said.

Jeongin accepted the punishment but not your behavior, he roughly grabbed your waist and took you back onto the bed.

He hovered above you with your hands pinned above your head, looking down at you with those foxy eyes and sharp jaws.

You confidently looked back into his eyes with a mischievous smile plastered on your face, "I told you to stay there until I told you so," you said.

He shook his head and didn't say anything but intensely stared into your eyes, probably thinking of what to do to you first.

This was the Jeongin that you knew and you laughed at how much difference you saw in his personality in a span of a few hours.

It seemed to infect him because he laughed along with you.

He let go of your hands to cradle your face, "I am really sorry," he said again.

"I forgive you," you gave him the same answer.

He lowered his mouth on you, kissing you so deep yet so tenderly while holding your frame as if you were a fragile object.

It took only a few minutes for the two of you to litter your bedroom floor with his clothes and your bathrobe. Your naked bodies tangled on the bed like two slithering snakes.

He held your legs up and close to his body as he was fucking you, giving your feet a few little kisses once in a while.

You couldn't stop looking at him, his body looking even more magnificent under the daylight. The ridges of his muscles were apparent, the blue of his veins appeared prominent, and his skin glowed and looked soft just how it feels under your touch.

"You're so beautiful," you blurted out.

Jeongin lightly laughed and thought you were being playful with him, he put your legs down and put them to the side.

He hovered above you once again as he kept thrusting from behind then kissed your neck, "You're so beautiful," he repeated your words back to you.

Your heart flipped and it wasn't from his cock buried deep inside you, you closed your eyes as if that would help to hide your flustered face.

You felt his lips on you as he slowed the pace, then pulled out.

Your smile faded and you were so ready to complain, but then Jeongin parted your legs open to change position, going classic with the missionary.

You couldn't guess what he was trying to do but the sex felt different. It wasn't rushed nor hasty, he was taking his time and feeling every thrust going inside you.

His eyes intently stared into you with a hand softly caressing your cheek, pressed a kiss every once in a while on your face.

This you believed is making love.

But that would be possible if love is involved and you were sure he didn't have that sort of feelings for you.

Then what about you?

You began to question yourself if perhaps, you grew some feelings for him. Yes, you felt some type of way, admiration, respect, then an attachment that you were certain was created from working for him.

Lust was there for an obvious reason and there was something else, but you couldn't decipher it, not yet.

Jeongin pressed a long kiss on your lips and reeled you back into reality.

"I want to cum together with you," he said.

You smiled and pecked his lips, "I'd love that,"

You arched your back and started pulsating your hips to meet his thrust, moaning into his mouth as he went deeper into you.

He put his mouth on the side of your face, "you keep clenching around me," he sighed.

"That's because you're fucking me so good," you held him close with your hands around his neck.

He cracked a low laugh then searched for your mouth, and captured your lips in a sloppy, wet kiss.

The afternoon filled with both of your moans and satisfied sighs, cumming together just like you planned, exchanging a smile at the success.

You lay facedown while he lay on his side with his hand endlessly following the curve of your spine and backside.

"Did something happen yesterday?" You had been wanting to ask him that and that moment seemed to be the right time to ask.

Jeongin played with the end of your hair, "I just... I found out about something that I don't want to know," he answered.

"Is it about the magazine?" You asked.

He shook his head.

"Someone?" You slightly turned your head at him.

"Just something," he vaguely answered.

You decided to stop pressuring him to tell you about it, afraid that he would be upset then find something else to talk about.

"I'd better go," he suddenly said.

You quickly grabbed his hand, "Can you stay?"

You didn't mean to sound so clingy, it just happened.

"I'm going to cook dinner in a bit and you are more than welcome to stay," you elaborated, didn't want him to think that you have a sense of belonging toward him.

Jeongin considered it for a while but you could expect what his answer would be from the look on his face.

"I thank you for the invite but I have to meet someone for dinner," he explained.

"Oh, okay," you accepted the rejection because you have no rights whatsoever to stop him from going. You watched him get up from the bed, began putting on his clothes while you put your bathrobe back on, and went out of the bedroom.

You poured yourself a glass of the forgotten opened wine bottle and finished it in one gulp.

"I'll get going then," he put on his suit jacket.

You spotted his tie a little askew and went to fix it, "You're ready to go," you said with a smile.

"I'll see you on Monday," he said, suddenly going all formal to you.

You stifled a nod, "See you on Monday!"

Hyunjin loomed above your computer screen and grinned, "are you reading something interesting?"

"Yes, I'm reading something very, very sexy," you said with a serious face, then let him see your computer screen.

Hyunjin went behind your desk to see, "that's very sexy indeed!" He beamed, looking at the live stock market updates on the screen.

You laughed at him and you glanced at the cuffs of his shirt, he hadn't worn the cufflinks you gifted him yet. You started to doubt if he would ever wear it, maybe it was cheap-looking that's why he didn't.

"Anyway, can I help you?" You swiveled your chair to face him.

"Just wanted to ask if things are okay?" He asked.

You got it that he wanted to make sure things between you and Jeongin were alright after that mishap that happened last week.

"He apologized and I forgave him already," you shortly replied but spared him from the details of the how, when, and where.

"Nice bracelet!" You praised the piece of jewelry he wore around his dainty wrist that you hadn't seen on him before but also changed the topic to something else.

"It's a birthday gift from my mom," he told you, fingers fiddling with the chain.

"How lovely!" You genuinely complimented.

Hyunjin dragged another chair and sat facing you until your knees met, like that wasn't enough, he leaned forward.

"I have an update on the matchmaking thing," he said in a hushed voice.

"This is not a spy movie," you reminded him.

Hyunjin chuckled and his chuckles sounded crisp, infectious.

"Anyway, so, I set him up on a date last Saturday," he said in a hushed voice again.

"Saturday?"

He nodded, "and Kim said the date was nice,"

"She also said that Jeongin looked so delighted the whole night," Hyunjin said with a proud smile.

You nodded as you listened to Hyunjin, "that's good," you half-heartedly said.

"I told you they're a good match," Hyunjin remarked, crossing his hands together in cockiness.

"Then you should start a matchmaking business, Mr. Hwang!" You teased.

"Should I?"

You eagerly nodded while laughing.

"Yeah, I think I have a hidden talent for it," he seriously considered it with his fingers touching his lips.

Gosh, his lips looked so red and luscious just like the forbidden apple.

"I'll volunteer to be the next on your matchmaking plan!" You joked.

He shook his head, "No, I'll not allow it," he resisted.

"Why?"

"Because you're mine," he simply answered.

The answer was unexpected but you quickly laughed it off because you didn't want things to be awkward.

His phone rang inside his pocket and he picked it up, "yes, okay, I'm coming," he talked to the phone, then got up from the chair.

He put his phone back inside the inner pocket of his suit, "We'll continue this matchmaking business talk another time," he smiled a sweet smile and waved bye at you.

"Happy working, sir!" You kindly said to him even though he doesn't like being called that.

Your smile faded once Hyunjin was gone after finding out the fact that Jeongin left your apartment that Saturday only meant that the dinner he mentioned was a date with Kim.

Did he lie to be polite or he didn't want to tell?

"Come to my office!" Jeongin ordered through the intercom.

You composed yourself and put on a calm face, took a deep breath then entered his office.

"Yes, sir?"

Jeongin got quiet for a while and he looked at something on you.

You glanced down and tried to see if there was anything wrong with your appearance. You were wearing a white blouse with pearl buttons that you've worn a few times already because it's your favorite and paired it with a maroon-colored asymmetrical skirt.

"Is there something wrong, sir?" You asked.

He quickly looked away and shook his head, "Nothing," he answered.

He slid a file on his desk toward you and you took closer steps to pick it up.

"I want you to choose one from all these candidates," he said.

"Candidates?" You flip open the files to see resumes of a few people who applied to be his new assistant.

"Yes, for your successor," he replied.

Time really does not wait for anyone.

You realized that your one-year contract was about to end and your chest deflated in a second, squeezing out all the good feelings you held onto before you came to this realization.

"You may interview them personally with the HR team," Jeongin said without looking at you.

You nodded then you came to your senses that it was inappropriate to give him a non-verbal answer, "Yes, sir,"

"Not later than this week," he added.

"I'll work on it right away," you confirmed then headed out of his office.

Your mood had been fluctuating for these past few days, even the stock market was more stable than your emotional chart.

The bright colors of your clothes didn't work to lift your mood anymore, your favorite perfume lost its magic to calm you down and after interviewing the candidates for the whole day, your mood turned messy.

And your printer broke.

You felt like screaming at that very moment.

You decided to take the rest of the day off since Jeongin was attending a meeting with the executives, you believed it was for a good reason.

Despite having a pervert on the cover, the magazine sold pretty well.

He has no other schedule after but just in case he asked for you, you left a message through Hyunjin's assistant and asked her to check on Jeongin if he needs any help.

You went home and cleaned up, then dove into your bed to sleep the day away.

You woke up feeling famished, still drowsy you dragged yourself to cook a bowl of noodles. Checking your phone while waiting for it to cool down when you read something from the group chat.

You already guessed that the news will come out someday soon, there were allegations made against Mr. Lee for sexual harassment and since the magazine recently made him a cover star, it got called out.

It upset you so much but you thought of Jeongin and how much shit he would get from it.

You called Hyunjin's assistant to ask about Jeongin but she said Jeongin didn't come back to the office after the meeting so no one knew how he handled the news.

You didn't think twice but get dressed and went to his apartment, this time you rang his doorbell knowing that he was probably home.

After a few tries you entered the passcode and let yourself in, it was dark that you hurriedly turned the lights then saw him standing by the kitchen island with a half-empty bottle of drinks.

"I'm sorry for coming in without permission," you quickly said to him.

"I'll get going then," you said and turned back around to the threshold.

You stopped after a few steps and looked at him, "I just wanted to make sure you're okay," you said.

But he didn't say anything but gulped the drink in his glass and poured himself another.

It started to frustrate you seeing him suffer in silence and how he likes to keep everything to himself.

You walked up to him and put your hand on his arm, "you know, you didn't have to go through it alone," you reminded.

And you didn't care if you overstepped, or were nosy. You hated seeing him like this.

He turned his head at you.

You saw how crestfallen and sad he looked, you immediately hugged him.

And to your surprise he hugged you back, holding you so dearly like you were the only salvation to him.

You withdrew just enough to look up at him, and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. You didn't have any other intentions but wanted to bring comfort to him.

He kissed you back, hard and deep, long and lingering, took more of your lips, and kissed you with all of his heart.

Your heart ached as if you absorbed the sadness he was feeling and you hoped he could do the same, absorbing whatever good feelings you have inside you.

He broke the kiss but held your face close to his, and pecked your lips once before he started speaking.

"I think we should stop doing this," he said.

Something broke inside you and the pain was too great it numbed you.

"I-" he licked his lips then took a breath, "I know you like Hyunjin," he said.

"Oh?" You slowly pulled yourself away from him. It came as a surprise how he spilled the fact like that, importantly, how did he know?

You wondered why all of sudden you got panicked and thinking of coming up with excuses to say?

"But h-how?" you stammered.

Jeongin subtly smiled, "it's okay,"

You got quiet because there was no way around it, the truth was out and you couldn't do anything about it.

"He's a good guy and I think he likes you too," he said.

He took a few steps backward to put a space between you and him, "he knows how to make you happy," he sounded so sad when he said it.

He then turned to the side to pour himself another glass.

Would it be pathetic of you to say that you didn't want it to stop? Despite it was just being physical, you still wanted to be with him.

You considered it for a while and it was at the tip of your tongue but he got to you first.

"And you'll be leaving the job soon, so..." he paused to take a sip of his drink, "I think it's better if we end it here," he finished.

But it seemed that his decision was final.

You bit back the welling tears inside you because you promised that if he hurt you, it was because you allowed it.

"I understand," you meekly said.

The silence took over for a while and it started to deafening that you could only feel the constant prickly pain in your heart.

"I'd better get going," you ended the conversation, it was getting embarrassing staying there and having no apparent reasons on why you should be there.

How silly of you to ever think that you have the rights to come into his place and offer him your comfort.

You laughed it off on your way home, laughing in the back of the taxi that the driver probably thought you have lost your mind, laughing with tears streaming down your face.

You have a month to teach everything to the newly hired assistant and with that, you have fewer tasks in hand.

It seemed like Jeongin preferred her as well than you, you didn't have any problems with that either.

"You have anything to ask?" Hyunjin asked as he leaned close to you.

You were at yet another conference with Hyunjin and you barely took any notes because your mind was out of it and the talk was of something slightly different yet the same.

You shook your head and put on a smile for him.

Hyunjin stared at you as if trying to solve a puzzle, "You look so... I don't know,"

Hyunjin crossed his arms together and slightly turned his body your way, "did something been bothering you lately?"

You shook your head again, "I'm a little sad because I'll be no longer working in the same office with you," you cheekily answer.

Hyunjin was pleased with the answer that he couldn't contain his laugh and everyone's attention shifted to him, not to the person talking at the podium.

You bowed both your heads down embarrassed.

"Let's go!" Hyunjin said, grabbed your hand, and pulled you out of the auditorium.

"The conference hasn't finished yet!" You said.

He looked over his shoulder at you, "Let's skip work for a few hours!"

You thought over it for a while but since you weren't needed anyway and it was near the end of your working hours, you didn't see any reason to say no.

But when both of you exited the auditorium, he bumped into his ex-girlfriend and you quickly let go of his hand, just in case she got the wrong idea.

"The conference is not done yet," she said.

"Yeah, we know," Hyunjin said.

She looked at him with a puzzled look on her face, "Are you going somewhere?"

"We're going to have an early dinner," he replied again and looked at you.

You nodded to back him up even though he didn't tell you about it beforehand.

"Then can I join?" She asked him with hopeful eyes.

Hyunjin parted his mouth but no words escaped his mouth, "No, I don't think that's possible," he rejected.

That beautiful glow on her face turned dark with Hyunjin's rejection.

"It's going to be just us two tonight," he said, gesturing to him and you.

You shyly smiled at her but also felt bad even though you weren't the one rejecting her.

"Oh?"

Hyunjin grabbed your hand again, "Maybe next time?"

"Yeah, sure," she half-heartedly replied to him.

After a few glasses of wine you drank to wash down the dinner, you braved to ask Hyunjin the question you've been wanting to ask for a long time now.

"Can I ask you something?"

"If you're going to ask if we can have a second dessert, then yes," he said with an adorable laugh.

"No, I feel full," you denied, then emptying the wine in your glass.

"Then let's go for round 2," he suggested.

You winced because that sounded like he was taking you for drinks and you were scared that he'll get drunk again.

"Don't tell me that we're going for drinks?" You grimaced.

"What? Why?"

You heavily sighed, "just promise me that you won't get drunk?" Held out your pinky finger at him with a glare.

"I promise!" He said and linked his pinky finger with you.

He clasped his hand with you after and pulled you along with him, walking around to find a good bar nearby.

"Hyunjin, about earlier," you shook his hand to get his attention.

"Yeah?"

"I'm okay with your ex-girlfriend joining our dinner," you said, turning to look at him for his reaction.

His eyebrows furrowed, "how do you know she's my ex-girlfriend?"

"From one of your colleagues at the party," you answered with a small voice.

He didn't say anything but took you inside a bar and hurriedly sat in the empty booth.

"May I know how the two of you broke up?" You gripped the hem of your blazer so hard out of anxiety, afraid that you were being too nosy. But you were deeply curious, one day you found them fine with each other and that day, they were the opposite. It felt as if whether they relationship left unfinished or they had a messy break-up.

Hyunjin ordered drinks real quick then sighed, "Isn't it always for the same cliché reason?" He vaguely answered.

He sounded like he was trying to avoid answering your question and it seemed like the answer will stay as a mystery to you.

You tried not to pressure him to explain further about it and not to ruin his mood.

"You're going to pay for the drinks tonight, right?" You asked him as a way to change the topic.

"I'll not make you pay for the drinks again tonight," he assured you.

"Okay, great, because I'm not keeping the company card anymore," you said with a laugh.

Hyunjin's promise only went as far, as he won't slow down on his drinking, you had to stop him a few times, "slow down, please?"

He laughed it off and pressed his forehead with yours, a bit tipsy.

"I need all that liquor courage," he said.

His alcohol-tinted breath felt cold against your skin, "but you promised me," you pouted.

"Why do you need all the courage though?" You asked with only inches of gap between your faces.

He held your face and rubbed your cheek with his thumb, "because I am with the person that I like so much," he said.

Your heart felt like about to burst yet your eyes kept looking into his, watching the warmth glints in them.

"And she's so beautiful," he added.

He put his forehead on yours again, "I think I'm going crazy," he sighed.

"Then I need to drink more too," you said back.

"Because I am with the most beautiful human I've ever seen and he's about to drive me crazy too,"

You pursed your lips, "Mostly because he doesn't want to slow down on his drinking," you added.

You called for a driver because Hyunjin drank too much, and waited outside the bar with Hyunjin holding on to you, hugging you as he did once before.

"You smell so nice," he mumbled.

"Yes, I know," you said, "I also know that's you're not that drunk,"

He chuckled into your neck, "I just want to hug you," he responded with a giggle.

You put your hands around him and rubbed his back, "I know," you said.

You sat next to him in the backseat of his car, Hyunjin buried his head in the crook of your neck, and his breath tickled your skin.

"You smell really, really nice," he mumbled again.

He put your hand on yours on your lap and you've just noticed that he was wearing the cufflinks you gifted him for his birthday and traced the piece of metal with your fingers.

He playfully grabbed your hand and you softly giggled.

"Nice cufflinks!" You complimented.

"A gift from someone special," he whispered again with his mouth close to your ear.

You didn't dare look at him, afraid of how things would turn out knowing how much you couldn't resist it.

"Gosh, I want to kiss you so much," he whispered to you.

He held the urge knowing that it would be uncomfortable for you if he kissed you with the driver in the car as well.

He put his fingers on your lips, feeling the softness of them with his fingertips.

He hummed with a slight frustration and you closed your eyes, letting him touch your lips in the dark of the car.

Couldn't help it anymore, he buried his head in your neck once again and placed a tender kiss there.

You let out a low sigh and grabbed his hand that was resting on your jaw, and turned your head to meet his.

He leaned in and you did as well, your lips barely touched then the car stopped.

You pulled away slowly and grabbed your purse, "Goodnight!" You softly spoke then got out of the car.

You were inserting your key to your apartment door when you heard footsteps coming closer behind you, you turned around to find Hyunjin coming up to you.

Then all of sudden held you from the back with hands looping around your waist.

You slightly turned your head at him, "did you forget something?" You softly asked.

He didn't answer but grabbed your chin to angle his way to put his lips on yours.

He slowly turned your body around without breaking the kiss and pinned you against the door.

The kiss was everything you've dreamed of and more, chaste yet fiery, set your body alight.

He pulled away briefly to catch a breath, flashed you a sweet smile then kissed you again.

With a hand resting on your jaw, he could easily angle your head as he pleases and deepens the kiss, opening your mouth to invade it, to taste more of it.

You sighed at the warm feeling pooling out of you and you were nowhere near enough of having his kisses.

You put your hands around his neck, pulling him closer until you felt his body heat on you and molded your bodies together.

Hyunjin broke the kiss so you could catch a breath, dragging his mouth down the column of your throat and you tipped your head to the side to give him the access.

He teased your neck by gently licking the skin in kitten licks and you softly giggled.

"That tickles!" You breathlessly said to him.

Hyunjin laughed against your skin and brought his mouth back on you, kissing you so hungrily with hands began to trace the shapes of your body then rested them on your hips.

Hyunjin purposely pushed his body on you to let you feel all of him.

And you delightfully sighed.

He smirked against your lips as he took your lower lip between his teeth and gently pulled it.

He gasped as he let go but kept his face close, "so, how is it?" He asked.

"Huh?" You asked back, still confused and dazed in his kisses.

"Did my kisses taste like pomegranate?" He asked as he pecked your lips.

It took you a moment to finally registered his question.

Then it clicked.

He knew. He knew about the blog. He knew about the writings and your wild fantasies about it. You always knew that it will come to this and you guessed you would be embarrassed about it, but it was the opposite.

You felt caught, yes, but not embarrassed about it.

"So, you knew?" You asked.

He nodded.

"How long?"

"Long enough," he answered as he placed another kiss on your cheek.

You looked at him and into his eyes, realizing you had never seen him this up close.

"Then I suppose in that time you knew that I like you?" You asked again.

He nodded, "yes,"

You put your hands on his chest, "and you didn't say anything about it," you muttered under your breath.

"Huh?"

You shook your head, "nothing,"

You didn't expect him to know about your feelings this way but him knowing that you did have feelings for him yet not saying anything about it made you feel... disappointed.

The two of you were close and he could have said something, but he chose to wait until this moment.

He tilted your head with a hand under your chin, then kissed you again.

"You don't have to be embarrassed about it," he said.

You weakly smiled and slowly pushed him away, "I'm tired," you said.

He looked at you while caressing your cheek with his thumb, "you'd better get inside and rest then,"

You put on a smile for him then gave him a quick peck on the lips, "Goodnight!"

"Goodnight!" He said back and watched you get inside your apartment.

It was true that you didn't feel the slightest embarrassed about him finding out about your blog. But you did feel like he had been playing with your feelings despite knowing you liked him, he could have said that he likes you too or not. Instead, he decided to keep quiet about it.

You must have looked like a fool, trying not to make it obvious when he already knew the truth.

You opened your blog and reread everything, after knowing the truth you got to see everything from a different perspective.

As you got into them one by one, not only that you sounded so stupid but you also came to a new realization that there was another person who probably knew about it too.

From all of the things you wrote and everything that happened, from kissing you by the copy machine or fucking you on a desk. They all came into reality and he was the one who made it all happen.

Jeongin.

You cried at the fact that two people made a fool out of you.

You planned on taking a few days off from work even before your contract was done because you never took any vacation days from work.

With the new assistant seemed to have things in control without your help, you felt at ease on leaving the job.

You started gathering your things from your desk and put them in the box, including all the planners you had used, and flipped open the latest one.

You met Hyunjin's writing on one page, of the address of where he held his birthday party and the 'the party will not start without you' note in cursive letters.

You came to a new knowledge that it must be since then he knew about your blog, you remembered you were checking your blog during work and forgot to close it because you got called into Jeongin's office.

That was months ago, Hyunjin knew about it for months and didn't say anything about it.

You still found it hard to accept the truth.

"Can I call you if I have something to ask?" The new assistant asked.

"Of course!" You responded with a smile.

"I'll probably just spend my vacation days at home," you put the lid on the box and slid it under your desk.

"Is he always that quiet?" She asked.

You softly chuckled, "Not always. If you ask, he'll answer everything," you replied.

"Do not hesitate. He's not as vicious as he seems," you playfully added.

You glanced at the clock on the computer screen, "oh, it's time for lunch, you may go first," you offered.

"Is it okay?"

"Yeah, no worries," you assured.

You arranged the files to deliver to Jeongin based on their importance and urgency, he hated when things aren't organized perfectly.

You knocked on his door and entered his office, "a few files that you need to sign,"

You took the first two from the stack and put them on his desk, "These two needs to be signed today,"

You took the last one, "and this one from the marketing, lost of ads for the digital magazine, they need it signed at least by the end of this week," you informed.

Jeongin took them right in front of him and started looking into them.

Looking at him like this and having just a little time left to address the matter, made you feel you have nothing to lose.

"Sir, can I ask you something?"

He snapped his head up at you then clasped his hands in front of him on the desk, "yes,"

You took a deep breath before you start talking, "I just found out about something recently and I assume you know about it too," you began.

He put his clasped hands under his chin, "about what?"

"About the writings on my blog," you replied.

Jeongin stiffened and his eyes froze, locked with yours for as long as he could before blinking.

"It's alright, sir. I'm not going to complain or say anything about it. What people see or read on the internet is not my business," you quickly added, assuring him that you had no problems about it.

Jeongin put his hands close to his mouth, "yes, I do. I do know about it since you accidentally sent the file in a work email," he finally admitted.

You nodded at the revelation and were relieved that he admitted it right away. You thought of what was the reason behind him making all those happen, turning your fantasies into reality.

"What we did..." you paused because it felt strange to address the two of you as 'we' when there was nothing between you and him.

You retreated from talking further because he already decided that things between you had ended and swallowed it all down, "that was my mistake," you settled on an easier truth and failed to sound calm as your voice broke at the end of the sentence.

"Anyway, it's been a pleasure working for you, sir!" You finished, then walked to the door.

It was easier to leave because Hyunjin was out the whole day and Jeongin left early because he had to attend a family event.

At the end of the day, you were left alone with your thoughts and nothing to say, you picked up your box of things, then left the office.

Hyunjin hugged you the moment you met on a Friday afternoon, didn't hesitate to kiss your cheek, and made you flustered in an instant.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered into your ear.

"I must say you look even more gorgeous after not seeing you for days," you complimented him back with a grin.

You took him for a lunch to make amends for not telling him that you left the job early.

"So, what have you been doing on your vacation days?"

You put down your spoon and fork, "they shouldn't be called vacation days because I'm not really on vacation,"

He smiled, "work is hell without you,"

"Always exaggerating things, Hwang Hyunjin," you sighed rather dramatically.

"You called me by my name just now," he beamed.

"Yes, I did," you confidently said, "I can do whatever I want now," you bragged with a smug.

Hyunjin nodded, "I like that!"

After lunch, you took a walk in the park together and sat on a bench with him making you link your arm with him.

"I'll be that lady who feeds the pigeons when I'm old and grey," you said, pointing to an elderly lady feeding breadcrumbs to a flock of pigeons.

"You're too cool for that," he commented.

"Then what I'll be?"

"You'll be somewhere exotic, sunbathing and drinking expensive wine," he confidently said like the future had set in stone.

You laughed at his detailed imagination, "what about you?"

"I'll be drinking wine with you, of course!" Also with the same confidence like he had seen what the future looks like.

You sighed and rested your head on his shoulder, even though you were both dressed in layers of clothes due to the beginning of winter, you could still feel his warmth.

"Hyunjin?" You softly called.

"Yes?" He rested his head on top of yours.

"You knew that they're my fantasies, right?"

Your question seemed to take him back for a moment and he knew you were talking about your writings.

"Yes," he shortly replied.

"I thought of you like that. You are so beautiful to me, so mighty, so ethereal that I don't think I'll be able to be this close to you," you honestly admitted, grabbing his hand on his lap.

You turned your head at him and caught him smiling at you.

"You know why I call it fantasy?" You asked.

You didn't wait for his answer but continued talking, "because those things are impossible or improbable I could only imagine them," you finished.

You took a deep breath and the cold air stung your nose, "my feelings for you are real," you muttered while looking into his eyes.

You put a hand on his cheek, "but you are like a fantasy to me, Hyunjin,"

These past few days of staying in and contemplating things only assured you that the only reason Hyunjin didn't say anything about it was that he was uncertain of his feelings for you. He could have said no, but with your close relationship, he was scared of hurting you or worse things between you became a mess.

And you didn't want a mess.

It was better this way, admitting that it was your fault to have feelings for the man who is out of your reach.

"What are you trying to say?" He asked.

"I know you doubted your feelings for me," you answered.

He grabbed your hand so tight, "but I do have feelings for you,"

"And can you tell me what those feelings are?" You asked, trying not to waver staring into his eyes.

Hyunjin was certain that he was fond of you, he liked being close to you and being with you, but strangely he couldn't fathom it into words.

"It's okay, Hyunjin," you said.

"I'm alright with us like this," you assured him while squeezing his hand and a comforting smile on your face.

You rested your head back on his shoulder and flipped his hand to see the time on his wristwatch, "anyway, you should be back to the office," you informed.

Hyunjin unlinked his arm to put it around your shoulder, "let's say I take my vacation day too," he remarked.

You giggled as he tightened his hold around you and pulled you closer next to him on the bench like it was small enough for the two of you.

At night, you scrolled down your blog once more, thinking of closing it to come to terms that maybe it would put you at ease.

Your hand hovers on the 'delete account' button but a new private message popped on the notification. You hurriedly open it, and scanned it real quick but turned out they were too long to skim it.

You decided to read the whole thing. From the beginning to end, word per word and took notes.

Jeongin had been staring at his computer screen for far too long that his eyes got blurry.

He stayed late at work again and he had nothing to do left but go home. It was hard for him to pass by your desk and not think of you.

You would smile at the sight of him and say, "can I help you, sir?"

He never dated before, for him dating is a waste of time, especially when he was trying to build a career for himself.

These feelings inside of him, he didn't know what it is but he knew what it capable of. It could easily make him smile or laugh, it angers him, it drives him mad, and then a second later, it makes him overwhelmed in happiness.

He got to discover this strange new feeling from you.

And also from you, he knew how to let go, to give in, and sacrifice his own happiness for someone else which were things that he had never done before in his life.

He realized then that he learned a lot of things from you, even though he had to go through all this pain.

He was just arrived in his apartment and was about to pour himself a glass of liquor when the doorbell rang.

He went to open it and saw you standing there right in front of him.

"May I come in?" You asked, probably because he was stunned to see you coming to his apartment.

"Yes," he answered and let you inside.

You stood there in the living room and waited for him to catch up with you, "why did you send that?"

He liked that you were always straight to the point, "because it's only fair if you know my wild fantasy too," he answered.

Jeongin wrote down everything he ever fantasized about you because he felt bad knowing about your writings and not saying anything about it. He tried to make amends by writing his own and sent it to you.

"And why are you here?" He asked back, he too didn't like beating around the bush.

You put your handbag down on the table, then untied your coat, "because it's only fair if I make your wild fantasy come true for you too," you said.

You took your coat off and put it down on the sofa.

Jeongin swallowed at the sight of his favorite piece of clothing on you, that white blouse with the pearl buttons, gleaming under the lights.

You paired it with a black tight skirt with a slit and put out your leg to expose the garter you were wearing.

God, you were such a sight. He practically salivated at his wild fantasy becoming real.

You walked up to him and put your hand on his neck, didn't hesitate to pull him for a kiss.

A kiss that he returned so eagerly.

He fantasized about kissing your lips painted with that lipstick in a deep shade of red, so he kissed them until they were faded on your lips.

He put his hands on your waist and drew you closer, tight, with no gap left between your bodies.

You pulled away from the kiss to catch your breath while he used the opportunity to kiss your neck.

"Take me to the bedroom," you whispered to him.

He looked at you and hastily kissed your lips, "you forget a word," he reminded you.

You looked into his eyes and said, "please, sir?"

He smirked and easily lifted your body by your waist like you were just a piece of paper.

He put you down until your feet touched the floor and kissed you again.

Your hands went to unbutton his shirt one by one and once it was off, you impatiently touched every inch of his bare skin.

You broke the kiss, then went kneeling in front of him.

Your hands tugged at the waistband of his slacks and began to unbuckle his belt in a painstakingly slow motion, like the tension in the room wasn't enough.

You pulled his throbbing cock out of his underwear and gently stroked it, smearing the precum leaking out of its tip with your thumb.

"Sir?" You called.

Jeongin held your jaw and rubbed your cheek with his thumb, "yeah?"

"Can I?"

This, he fantasized about you kneeling in front of him and looked up at him with your innocent eyes filled with needs, and said the word again, "please, sir?"

"If you ask nicely like that then how can I say no?" He responded.

You giggled at his words and opened your mouth to take his length inside you. Little by little, licking the tip, the underside, and teasing his slit in kitten licks.

You took his hand and tangled it in your hair, allowing him to use you as he, please.

Then you took his length in your mouth again but this time, Jeongin pushed your head down until his whole cock buried inside you and your nose met his pubic bone.

He kept you that way for a few seconds then let you go.

"You're so big, sir," you gasped as a string of saliva dribbled down your chin. But it was your exciting smile that provoked him.

"But you seem to enjoy it," he said.

You nodded and without complaint, took him in your mouth again. He guided you with his hand tangled in your hair and rubbed your jaw once in a while because he sensed the struggle as your jaws tensed around him.

He stopped you as you tried to go again and helped you get up from the floor, "that's enough," he softly said to you.

He sat on the end of the bed and sat you on his lap with your back against his chest.

His hands traced the sides of your body and you turned your head to meet his, capturing his lips for kisses again.

He kneaded your breasts through the fabric and cupped them with his big hands.

Then all of a sudden, he ripped your blouse sending the pearl buttons scattered down the floor while you gasped in surprise.

This was a part of his fantasy, how he got the urge to rip it whenever he saw this white blouse on you. He slid it down your arms and tossed it away.

"I've always wanted to do that," he said against your lips.

You softly smiled at him and led his hands to cup your breasts, because of how much you like seeing his big hands on you. This was purely out of your selfish fantasy.

"I like your big hands so much," you breathlessly said.

"Yeah?"

You nodded, "I like seeing these big hands on me," you admitted.

Jeongin moved one hand to put around your neck, "how about this?"

He gently tightened his fingers around your neck just enough to earn a yelp from you.

"Yes, I like that too," you eagerly nodded.

He tipped your head to the side so he could kiss your neck and sucked on the skin hard enough to leave a mark there.

"Sir," you gasped when you felt his teeth sink into the skin and gripped his hand.

You jolted on his lap as he bit the skin hard enough and he quickly let go, licking the skin after to soothe the pain.

"Get up!" He ordered.

You complied and got up from his lap.

With his hands on your waist, he slowly turned you around to face him.

He slipped his hand inside the slit of your skirt and lifted it, "You're so beautiful," he sighed with so much lust.

"Thank you, sir," you responded.

His hands went around behind you to pull down the zipper of your skirt, then pulled it down your legs.

He hissed as the piece of clothing fell off of you and revealed the garter you wore underneath along with the black stocking.

"Very, very beautiful," he said again in awe with his hands running up and down your thighs.

Jeongin couldn't stop thinking of you wearing it after that day he saw you wearing it in the office. Also, he couldn't do what he wanted to do at that time because he was in the middle of work.

He lifted your leg and put it next to his thigh as he did before, kissing your inner thigh and inched closer to your heating core.

He withdrew to look up at you and put your hands on his shoulders, "hold on to me," he commanded.

"Yes, sir," you replied.

He sank his mouth on your clothed core and continued tracing your cunt through the fabric until your underwear was damp with his saliva.

You moaned and gripped his shoulders in response, arching your back and fucking his mouth.

He kneaded the flesh on the back of your thighs and your ass cheeks.

He slipped his hands under the thin strap of your underwear, then pulled at it until it snapped open, making you gasp between your moans.

He was more than happy to get it out of the way, he licked his lips before sinking his mouth on your glistening wet cunt and savored it like he was hungry for it.

He knew you were getting tired from standing on one foot, he took his mouth off and lay down on the bed, "Come sit on me!"

You hesitated at first as you stood there looking at him laying on the bed.

"Did I fucking stutter?" He sternly said.

You climbed onto the bed and hovered above him, positioning yourself on top of him with his hands guiding you.

Then carefully lowering yourself until your cunt met his plush lips, you moaned at the delightful feeling.

"Oh my God," you breathlessly said.

He was so good at it. Yes, he never dated before but he knows how to please a woman and he was more than excited to hear the beautiful noises you make as he went down on you.

You put your hand in his hair and softly tugged at it when the pleasure became unbearable.

"Sir, I'm so close," your voice hoarse from continuously moaning.

That didn't stop Jeongin from using his tongue and pressing your clit with his nose altogether to reach your high that your legs quivered around his head.

You hurriedly got off of him and toppled to the side as you relished the orgasm washing over you.

Your eyes screwed shut and your mouth hung open, pressing your thighs together on his bed. Jeongin took off the remaining piece of clothing on him and climbed back onto the bed, crawled over to you to kiss you on the mouth, and let you have a taste of your own arousal.

He took off your bra without you noticing and put it aside, he had been wondering how it would feel to fuck your breasts.

He sat on your stomach but did not put his weight on you, "I want to fuck you all over," he said.

You nodded even though your head was clouded in pleasure.

Both hands grabbed your breasts and knead them, pinching the nipples like they weren't hard enough.

He spat on your chest and his saliva felt warm on your skin, he scooted closer to smear it all over the skin.

You helped him by pushing your breasts to the middle and clamping his cock in between.

Jeongin held on to the headboard of the bed to start sliding his cock between your breasts.

"Fuck," he cursed.

He shoved his thumb into your mouth and you wrapped your lips around then sucked on it.

"There's no part of you that I don't like," he said, partly in frustration and the rest was in wonder.

He twirled his thumb around your tongue, then circled it around your nipples. He did that a few times over while fucking your tits.

He stopped trusting and got off from you, "turn over!" He commanded next.

You complied but instead of laying down, he made you kneel in front of him and he held you close.

"What is it with you that makes me so impatient?" He said to your ear.

You couldn't answer so you responded with a soft giggle.

"Gosh, you're adorable too," he said while pinching your nipples.

His swollen member protruded the back of your thighs and you arched your back at the anticipation of it, aching to be filled.

"So eager are we?" He asked.

He put your hands on the headboard of the bed for support then shifted his focus back on entering you.

He grabbed one side of your waist to keep you still, "You're so tight, oh, fuck," he groaned and whimpered or a mix of the two the whole time he pushed his length inside you.

He sighed as he fully bottomed out and took a moment to calm himself down, kissing your neck and gently rubbing your clit for a while.

"I haven't moved yet you clenched around me already," he said.

"You feel so good inside me, sir," you shamelessly admitted, you never fully adjusted to his size yet it always surprised you how you always take him well.

Once he began moving, Jeongin couldn't control himself and got lost in the pleasure, of being buried deep inside you and tightly wrapped in your velvety walls.

He buried his head in your neck while his hands wrapped around you as his hips went at a restless pace at the approaching high.

Your moans went louder as he picked up the pace and went out of rhythm, sloppy then it exploded.

He clawed your thighs and sank his mouth on your shoulder as he stilled inside you, emptying his load inside you.

He angled your head to place a slobbering kiss on you and let go with a gasp, "You're so perfect," he praised.

He took your hands and clasped them with his, putting them around your body.

"So perfect for me!" He said again, making you smile against his lips.

It was when he held you close as you were asleep that Jeongin realized he wanted this.

He wanted you.

He wanted you and all those things you've done for him, in particular, offering your comfort without him asking for it because of how much you understood him. And what you said was true, he didn't have to go through everything by himself, and with as much trust as he put on you, you were the only one, the only right one to be the person he shared everything with.

Jeongin didn't sleep a wink, afraid that you would leave him like you usually did.

You were startled to see him awake and standing by the doorway as he caught you waking up, and scrambled to find anything to wear.

Then you realized you couldn't possibly wear your ripped blouse anymore.

Jeongin brought you one of his white shirts and instead of handing it to you, he sat in front of you on the bed then helped you put the shirt on you, and buttoned the shirt enough to cover your body.

You looked just as beautiful, barefaced with your hair tousled and draped around your shoulder.

He put away the strands of hair from covering your face and put them behind your ear.

"I'm sorry I overstayed," you said.

He saw that you put up your guard high again, you probably thought that he would tell you to leave again.

He said the opposite instead, "stay with me!"

You blinked your eyes a few times at him, thinking that you were still sleeping and it was a dream. You rubbed your eyes and pushed the sleep away.

"Pardon?"

Jeongin knew that once the words were out, there was no way going back from it.

"Stay with me," he boldly said again.

After a moment, you finally processed his words, "why didn't you say anything about it?" You asked.

"That you knew," you finished.

Jeongin reorganized his thoughts in his head to come up with the best answer, "I tried a few times then I found out that what you wrote is of Hyunjin," he answered.

You put your knees up and rested your back against the headboard, "Yes they are of Hyunjin but you are the one who made all that came true," you said.

You took a deep breath before continuing, "And I did like Hyunjin,"

"Did?" Jeongin was afraid of mishearing your words.

You put your hands on your knees, "I had a change of heart," you sincerely admitted and looked shyly at him.

Jeongin couldn't mask his happiness because he knew he was the one who caused it but there was one problem left.

"I never feel this before," he confessed, taking your hand in his.

"I don't know much about this feeling but I want to be with you. I want you to stay with me," he said then kissed your knuckles.

You stared into his eyes and saw how they crinkled with so much affection in them.

"You make me lose it, drives me crazy but most of the time, you make me happy," he muttered.

You softly laughed at his remark and nodded as a confirmation that you listened to every word he said.

"Would you stay with me?" He asked, intensely gazing at you in anticipation of your answer.

You got quiet for a while and intertwined your hand with his.

"Only if you promise that you'll never push me away again," you replied.

He kissed the inside of your hand, "I promise," he said.

"Okay," you nodded.

"Okay," he repeated your word.

You smiled with your eyes closed and he brought his face close to kiss that smile. Jeongin couldn’t stop smiling, his heart swell with so much affection. He caressed your cheek and still couldn’t believe that you will stay with him, he could only hope you will stay forever.

"Breakfast?" he asked.

His offer reminded you of how starving you were, "yes, please,"

He got off the bed first then helped you after and you walked so slow behind him, "what's wrong?"

"I'm not wearing underwear," you meekly said.

Jeongin remembered that not only your blouse, but he also ripped your underwear last night. He shot you an apologetic smile.

"Well, you walked around the office without underwear on before," he said with an eyebrow raised.

You grimaced at the reminder and nodded.

He smiled looking at you defeated like that, he pulled you close and kissed your lips, slipped his hand under your shirt to cup your ass.

"I'll be having you again after breakfast," he said after letting go of the kiss.

He kissed you again with so much contentment in his heart because he had just made another wildest fantasy come true.

Or it was no longer a fantasy to have his feelings reciprocated by you.

"Hey, beautiful!" Hyunjin said as she saw you walking in to the office.

Even though you weren't working in the same office, you were still working in the same building.

"Hey, gorgeous man!" You said back.

He grabbed your hand and spontaneously gave you a twirl, making the hem of your dress sway, "I'm such a fool," he sighed in resentment.

You laughed and lightly hit his chest, "stop it!"

"Oh, I have to hurry. I have a dinner with my parents," he said as he nervously glanced at his wristwatch.

"Send my regards to your parents," you said.

He scoffed, "you mean your parents-in-law?"

You playfully punched his chest a little harder this time, "I told you to stop it!"

He yelped then laughed, "I'm joking, okay?"

"I really have to go. I have to stop to buy flowers," he said again.

"Okay then, be careful!" You said.

Hyunjin grabbed your hand and pulled you close to sneak a quick kiss on your cheek.

"Don't tell Jeongin I did that," he said while smiling with giddiness, then ran for the elevator.

You laughed while shaking your head and waved bye at him.

Jeongin always stayed past his working hours, if not waiting for you then he buried himself in work as usual.

You almost knocked on his office door out of habit then laughed it off as you let yourself in.

"Jeongin?" You called because you didn't see him behind his desk.

He came up behind you, then ferociously kissed your neck and shoulder.

"I recognize your footsteps so well," he said.

He took your hand and led you to the sofa, not letting you sit anywhere but his lap.

"How's your day?" He asked.

"Long and boring," you shortly replied.

"Then you should be back working for me. I bet I can make your day not 'long and boring'," he teased.

"Uhm... tempting," you exclaimed.

"How's your day?" You asked back.

He held the side of your face, then kissed you, "a whole lot better now," he replied.

He touched the soft fabric of your dress, "I like this," he commented.

But his hand went to the skin on your thigh, "so soft," he said.

You giggled at his words while putting a hand around his neck.

He didn't hesitate to inch his hand closer to your clothed core, except that he found it bare.

He shot you a death stare.

"I have another wild fantasy," you said with a sly smile.

His eyebrows shot up in curiosity, "yeah?"

You brought your mouth close to his ear and told him everything you wanted him to do with you while he listened intently to every word you said.

An hour later, he got you pinned against the glass window of his office, your breasts spilled out of your dress, and the dress hunched up around your waist.

Jeongin gripped your waist as he thrust as hard and as deep into you from behind, "Isn't this what you want?" He asked.

"You want everyone to see how hard I'm fucking you, mmh?" He gently bit your earlobe then let it go.

You smiled at his words and answered, "yes,"

"Yes, what?" He pulled your hair just enough to force you to look at him.

"Yes, sir," you answered correctly.

He hastily kissed you, "that's my good girl," he praised.

He continued thrusting into you again and your sweaty palms slid down the glass.

"Just a little bit more, sweet baby," he cooed at you, getting so close to both of your releases.

You searched for each other's mouths and finally met in a rapturous kiss.

He held you close as with the last thrust, you both cum around each other.

"My sweet, sweet baby," he cooed at you, tenderly kissing your lips even though they were sloppy.

Then all of a sudden he landed a slap on your ass, "that's for not wearing any underwear,"

He slapped your ass again, "from now on, you are allowed to not wear underwear only when I'm around you," he warned you.

His hand moved to the front and cupped your drenched cunt, "this sweet little pussy is mine," he claimed.

You took his free hand and put it on your breast, "how about these? Can I go without a bra?"

He shook his head and hurriedly went to cup your breasts in his hands, "these are also mine," he said.

"All of you are mine," he corrected.

You smiled because he sounded so possessive yet so adorable while at it.

"Am I deaf or are you not answering me?" He asked.

You turned around to face him and responded, "yes, sir!"

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#skz smut #stray kids smut #skz x reader #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #stray kids scenarios #skz scenarios #skz fics #skz fanfics #kpop smut #kpop fics #kpop fanfics #kpop stray kids #kpop skz #seospicy smut

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theficcafe · 2 years ago

Text

𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐬. - 02

↳ Genre: Angst, Fluff

↳ Pairing: college!gojo x fem!reader

↳ Warnings: unrequited love

↳ Playlist: (will link here!)

↳ Masterlist: 01 02

“And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself?”

“Aki, I don’t know how to start this email.

It’s my first time writing one (to you) after I transitioned from the traditional handwritten messages. I just found out yesterday that you haven’t been receiving the letters I have been sending—they were delivered, but scattered on the doorstep of your apartment. A kind lady had found one hidden in the bushes while she was tending to her garden, and decided to give the number a call to let me know that my letter has fallen astray.

I’ve been writing for years, Aki. Just how much have you received? Read? Written back? You wrote back to me the first six months but that was three years ago. Was that even you? Where are you, Aki? What happened? What’s happening? I am seething with anger and resentment right now. But most of all, my heart hurts.

Have you forgotten about me? I miss you terribly.

Every day's the same since you left. I sometimes wish you hadn’t, but I’d be lying if I said that if given the chance, I’ll stop you. I would never. You have a dream. Bigger than us. Bigger than you. Bigger than me. You have a dream so big it won’t fit in your tiny little heart. And because I love you, Aki, I let you go.

But I didn’t know you’d leave me.

I didn’t know that letting go meant losing you.

Write back. Or not. I love you.

Toru.”

Your mind swirled with confusion and shock as you read the last paragraph. A minute ago, you were scrolling through your SNS feed when you got an email from a person called Gojo Satoru—who you have never heard of, in your entire life. Yet here you are, completely hooked in his emotionally written letter as if this was made for you. Just how much do random email occurrences like this happen? One thing stood out, though. Aki. There could be millions of Aki out there, but one thing’s for sure—that is not your name, and not close to it at all.

The fact that he’d send this directly to someone else’s email has you perplexed; you could not wrap your head around the idea of this “Gojo” mistaking your ten-year old email made solely for game freebies for his girlfriend’s email address.

So why is this letter in your inbox?

Your alarm suddenly went off, enticing a loud shriek from you as you accidentally fell off your bed. Groaning, you sat up, checking the time. The clock read 6:36 am. Thanks, you thought, as you looked up at the ceiling. What a great wake up call!

“Just in time,” you mumbled breathlessly from the shock your alarm clock has given you, “just in time.”

“You know, if you’re just going to space out, I’m gonna have to fire you.” Your manager, Mei Mei, playfully shoved your shoulders in hopes of snapping you out of your trance. You looked at her, void of any emotion - your mind too preoccupied with a certain person called Gojo Satoru.

“Hey, Mei, do you ever get.. weird emails? From random people?” Mei Mei looked up from her phone and furrowed her eyebrows in curiosity. “What do you mean by weird emails? Like, chain messages? Of course I do! All the damn time.”

Wiping the counter as you spoke helped you clean your mind a bit. It was Friday, and you received the letter four days ago—since then, it never left your mind. From the moment you woke up, to attending classes, to clocking in for your part-time job at Koi kōhī (a small café owned by a family friend: Mei Mei’s) - the letter that’s been sitting in your mailbox has successfully infiltrated your mind ever since its existence. You have no idea why because technically, it’s none of your business—you can literally just delete it. Somehow, though, you couldn’t. The man seemed so melancholic that you didn’t even have the heart to delete it because then, that would mean writing this email would be in vain. He already sent it to the wrong person in the first place. At the same time, it bothered you; just looking at the message there. Opened. Waiting for a response. Begging, even.

While arranging the trays and paper-cups, it somehow dawned on to you—the reason why you couldn’t get the letter out of your mind. Because it is from a real person. And it happened in real life.

There’s a girl named Aki,

and a guy named Gojo,

and somehow, there’s you.

Guilty. Emphatic. Awkward…. Sad.

It was a sad thing. To write and never be heard. To trust the wind to deliver your love and yet it fails you. To be acknowledged and discarded. It hurt to love. And if you looked close enough, you could see the corners of his words bleeding—and they’re not yours to wipe.

In their ol’ little doomed love story, you’re only the spectator.

An accidental one at that.

Upon giving it a thought, you hesitated telling her the truth of this so-called “weird” email; thinking about it, it would sound beyond weird if she asked why you decided to read it when you could’ve deleted it the moment it slid into your inbox. Shooting Mei Mei a shy glance, you spoke. “Yeah, like uh.. email promotions.. I guess.”

Mei Mei’s expression relaxed upon hearing it, sending a playful wink right your way before tossing the keys to Haru, your colleague, a usual sign that it’s time to close the shop. “Thank the heavens! I thought you were scammed.”

Oh how you wished it had been a poorly written scam campaign. Maybe if you saw the headlines “Congratulations, you won a car!” you wouldn't be feeling torn between keeping the message or deleting it.

Before leaving, Mei Mei hugged you goodbye. “Be careful entertaining random emails, Y/N. You don’t know who you’re talking to!”

Too late.

You could only nod in response.

At home, you did exactly the opposite of what Mei Mei told you to do.

Your thumb has been grazing over the send button after an impulsive moment of typing the words “This isn’t Aki.” One send and everything would end. This Gojo guy would get the hint and perhaps feel a little embarrassed, but then, that’s going to be it—you’re pretty sure he will block your email address. No more heartbroken emails. No more Aki and no more Gojo. No more curiosity.

Send me a sign, you think to yourself. After all, you have the “God’s Tongue” - the universe won’t fail you now.

Except..

Today, it does.

As if the universe conspired to stop you, your phone vibrated upon receiving a notification.

Fuck your God’s Tongue indeed—you just manifested another email from Gojo Satoru.

In panic, you threw your phone on your bed, your heart hammering against your chest as if you just ran a marathon. And if that wasn’t enough, another notification came in: one that sounded exactly like another email. You squeaked a “holy shit!” as you scrambled to get your phone to quickly check your inbox. You were right: not one, but two emails from Gojo Satoru were sitting on top of your unread messages, waiting to be opened. You felt like you were violating his privacy. After all, these weren’t yours to read. But then again—the effort, energy, and emotions he’s put to write these—will be discarded. If you left it alone, it’ll just rot and be forgotten and you think he’s had enough of being forgotten; maybe it’s about time he forgets.

So you click the first email, hands trembling nervously. Maybe this could be the last, you reasoned in your mind. Maybe he’ll get tired after two emails. After all - wouldn’t a normal person stop after getting no response?

Your eyes began to scan the first sentence.

“Haruki Murakami. Norwegian Wood.

I’ve finally scored your favorite book. I went to the bookshop we’d often visit when we were in high-school. You know, the one next to lemon bakeshop near the old campus. You called it a cursed one—because every time you go there with a book in mind, you always left with a sullen look. You never once bought a book there because somehow, the universe always wanted you to lose.

Well, today, we won, Aki. Took us years, but hey, better late than ever, right?

So come home. Read this. It’s for you. I always loved how you would annotate your books and run all the way to my house to show me the cool quotes you’ve found.

I miss your neon highlighters and your bright smile. Come home. Home to me.

Come home, Aki.

Toru.”

You felt as though you got punched in the stomach. The way he wrote this message was simple, as though relieving a memory, and yet your heart feels like it’s about to burst: he made sure to deliver it in a way that you’d remember, even if that memory isn’t yours. You could see it. You somehow could make out what they’d be like, minus the features of their faces; young, in love, stupid. You imagined a bookshop and relived a memory that did not belong to you; his longing and sadness bled and soaked through his words and you happened to be the unlucky one.

Lying down on your stomach, you raised your phone higher to get a good read before you click on the next one.

“I never liked my coffee cold.

You know that, right? I liked it hot. Even on hot days, you’d laugh at me for drinking hot coffee instead of iced ones.

You said I’d get used to burning in “hell.”

Hot coffee’s best for rainy days. When it feels cold and you could use some warm. When you were around, I drank coffee less. Even during the biggest storms, I’d bask underneath your warmth and laughter in bed all day and it would be the best thing ever - having to listen to the raindrops in tune with your laughter.

You gave me the warmth I needed in every season, Aki, and when you left for states, I drank coffee more.

But everything is no match for the warmth you could only give.

My coffee’s been cold since you.”

No sign. No usual ‘Toru’ or I love you’s.

Exiting the mailbox app, you went to search for Tokyo’s weather forecast for today.

It was raining.

↳ 𝔀𝓮𝓵𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓴𝓪𝓸'𝓼 𝓬𝓸𝓻𝓷𝓮𝓻!

hi everyone, it’s kao! i’m sorry for uploading a day late, i have added some revisions regarding the plot line to make sure y’all will be overloaded with angst ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

how are you guys liking lightness and weight so far?

a feedback/reblog would me a lot to me! thank you for the smol appreciation you guys have shown! ପ(๑•ᴗ•๑)ଓ ♡

see u guys in chapter 03!

kao, out! ʚ♡ɞ

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safetycar-restart · 2 years ago

Note

Shels I can’t stop thinking about domming Daniel with Lewis because Lewis would DEFINITELY be able to manhandle Daniel and throw him around like a rag doll… maybe it’s not even planned- you’re scening with lil subby baby Danny and Lewis is domming him with you, you climb onto the bed whilst Lewis is making out with Daniel, Lewis then decides- to save time because Dan is already verging on the edge of subspace where coordination becomes impossible- decides to pick Daniel up and just throw him onto the bed….. and Dan’s brain just completely malfunctions because wow that was just……. Of course you and Lewis notice his reaction and when you asked him if he liked that, he flushes red but nods eagerly. Safe to say manhandling is something you incorporate regularly, whether it’s holding him down, pushing him around, or straight up throwing him like a sack of potatoes…

Also, when Dan realised that both you and Lewis can pick him up without too much struggle (albeit Lewis slightly more than you….) he’s never walking anywhere again… all he has to do is flash those puppy dog eyes at either of you and raise his arms, and suddenly he’s being carried around like the princess he is -🐬

Ok I swear I answered this yesterday? But sometimes tumblr does this fun thing where it mistakes the post button for the delete button but doesn’t inform me of this so I wrote this and it simply floated into the atmosphere.

So uh... round two! Because this ask is so fucking good it’s worthy of me rewriting my answer. I went into SO much background detail cause I’m kinda obsessed so the rewrite is now an essay. Have fun.

I think it might start with you and Lewis together? And Daniel is just.... absolutely obsessed with you both. You’re the most attractive couple he’s ever seen. And he’s determined to get at least one threesome.

So naturally his plan is to be utterly insufferable for as long as need be until one of you backs him up against a wall and kisses him breathless.

You and Lewis had talked about it, because Daniel was anything but subtle. And you both agreed that yeah, yeah a threesome with Daniel is not an opportunity either of you can pass up.

So that’s how it starts. Daniel is kinda just a fuck buddy that gets welcomed into your bed whenever he wants (which is to say, every race weekend that he sees you’re at the track with Lewis, he will magically turn up at your hotel room with two packs of condoms and neither you nor Lewis ever find out how he knows the hotel room).

People tend to assume that Daniel is dominant, and maybe that’s true for his other sexual partners. But with you and Lewis, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Daniel would like one thing and one thing only: to be absolutely wrecked. He would like to be a pretty fuck toy and have no thoughts whatsoever. You and Lewis are already a power couple, someone needs to be the pretty arm Candy who gets fucked every night and Daniel is more than happy to fulfil that role.

To be honest I don’t think the d/s aspect would be very intricate, at least not at first. Daniel would like to be fucked silly, he would like to not have to think, he would like to be allowed to fall into subspace and know he’s going to be looked after afterwards.

He had spent enough time with you and Lewis when he was trying to get in your pants to know that you and Lewis would take good care of him. That’s all he really wants.

So manhandling? Incredible. He loses his little mind the first time.

Sometimes, I think Daniel wants to be fucked so badly thst he loses all coordination and common sense, just bends himself over the nearest surface, shakes his little ass to try and prove his point.

You’re more than happy to grab the strap and fuck him wherever. Lewis, however, is more of a traditionalist in that sense. He wants to fuck Daniel on the bed. And only the bed.

Which leads to many times where you’ve found them making out in the hallways on the way to the bedroom, because Daniel got impatient and wanted a kiss now.

One time, you’re watching them attempt to get to the bedroom without tripping over each other, you’re on the bed, watching as they stumble down the passage when Lewis seems to get too impatient and just.... picks Daniel up and carries him to the bed.

He throws Daniel onto the bed, right into your arms and you can see how shocked Daniel is.

You ask him if he’s okay, scared that Lewis might have overstepped. But Daniel just nods and smiles, clearly very happy with the situation.

And then it just... becomes a thing.

You and Lewis manhandle Daniel all the time, just moving around all the time and Daniel couldn’t be happier. He is truly living his best, horny life.

#poly!lewis/daniel #sub!daniel #poly!dom/dom/sub #dr #lh #nsfw.#f!reader #🐬

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youreobsessedwithtoomanyfandoms · 4 years ago

Text

All So Sudden

Word Count:2106

Warnings: kinda bad writing, sorry

Requested by @marartgogh : “So could you do a Charles Xavier one (after days of future past time somewhere before apocalypse ) where she is an architecture and art student (around 22-23) and her mutation appears suddenly so she goes to Charles and the school for help and he tutors her and he gets fascinated by her and likes her but is too afraid to say anything because of the age gap but she feels the same and he somehow gets the guts to confess when Erik tries to make a move on her?”

Probably 1978 is when I’m having this take place (it’s in between the two films)

I kinda made the readers powers like Violet from Incredibles, mostly cause it was all I could think about when I first wrote this

I also feel so bad that it took so long, but it kept getting deleted (internet went out, computer glitched, I turned off my computer and forgot to save, the normal stuff) and yesterday (4/20) I was so exhausted from Monday (4/19) because I really loved this request

I just realized this as well, Erik was born in ‘31 and Charles in ‘32, not really important besides the fact that they’re both apart of the Silent Generation

Main Masterlist

XMEN Masterlist

“It’s not like that!”

“It isn’t?”

“No, I don’t...I don’t like him like that.”

“M’kay, sure.”

Y/N laughed, “I don’t.” She turned to her friend, “Does this look good?”

“Good for what?”

“For a wedding!”

“Alright, alright, I know. It looks great, but I just don’t understand why they’re getting an art student to paint during their wedding.”

She shrugged, “Neither do I, but it’s great money and my Professor said I’ll get some extra credit by doing it, so, you get what I’m saying?”

Her roommate laughed, “Ah yes, money and extra credit, the answer to everything.”

Y/N turned back to the mirror adjusted her jacket, “It’s the answer to most things.” Turning back to her friend she smiled, “Well, I’m off. I’ll see you tonight!”

“See ya!”

--------

Y/N bounced her leg up and down, trying to calm down. She was trying to focus on painting. However, she froze when she looked at her hand. Not that there was anything to look at. It had disappeared. “Is everything alright?”

She looked up and saw the bride’s mother and quickly hid her hand, “I-uh-yes. I think so. Sorry, I was just trying to remember how long I’m meant to be here. I don’t wish to make whoever’s paying feel like they have to pay more because I’m working for longer than said.”

She nodded, “Of course, I understand. You have about an hour left.”

She nodded, “Thank you!”

“Of course.”

As she walked away, Y/N looked her hand again and it had reappeared. She shook her head and tried convincing herself that it was just a trick of her mind and that it never disappeared. Of course she knew keep down that it was complete bull, but she just wanted to believe it for once.

--------

Walking up the steps, she stopped to wave at Alyssa. She however stood shocked as the girl walked right past her. She looked at her hand and saw it was slowly reappearing and disappearing. She ran up the rest of the steps and quickly unlocked the apartment door. She slammed the door and ran into the bathroom, slamming it shut too. She collapsed onto the sink and stared at herself. Nothing was there. It was as if she was invisible.

She jumped as she heard a knock at the door, ”Y/N? Is everything alright?”

“Y-yeah! I was just about to take a shower! I got paint all over me!”

“Oh, okay.” She heard her roommates footsteps retreating. She looked at herself and let out a calming breath. She turned the shower on tried to undress, which took longer than normal as she couldn’t see anything. The majority of it took forever. She released a breath of relief when she saw her body reappear.

She turned the water off and grabbed the towels. She then stood in front of the mirror. Staring at herself. She did it for who knows how long (like a minute) until she realized she wasn’t gonna do it again. As she threw her hands up in annoyance, she was pushed back into the shower.

She groaned and heard the door open. “Y/N?! Are you o--oh my god!” She blinked a few times. “What the heck happened to the shower?! Y/N! Where are you!”

“Where am I? I’m right here Madi.” Her roommate screamed and Y/N rolled her eyes, “Madi, do you not see me?”

“No!”

She sighed, “Great, just great.” She carefully got up, “Don’t freak out.”

“I can hear you but not see you! Don’t tell me not to freak out!”

“Madilyn Marisa Green,” She placed he hands on her friends shoulders, “I think I need to make a call somewhere.”

“Y/N, are you--”

“I don’t know. Listen, I’m gonna call that damned school and see.”

“Y/N--”

“Please don’t say anything. I just...I want to figure this all out.”

“Okay, fine.”

--------

So that’s why she was here. Sitting in the office of Charles Xavier. She just told him her issue and now it was silent. She fiddled with the bottom of her shirt until she saw him smile softly, “I’ve never actually met someone who can do what you can, Y/N. I can call you Y/N, right?” She nodded, “Okay. The way you can both go invisible and can create, from what I’ve gathered, what is meant to be an energy blast. That...that is spectacular!”

“How?”

“I have no idea yet, but I know it will be.”

“Then why did you say it was?”

“Would you believe me if I informed you I have no idea why?”

“Perhaps,”

“Then I have no idea why.”

“Okay...well, what do you want me to do now?”

“Well, if you would like to, I would like to teach you how to control and understand your mutation better. You would need to live here, as I am aware you were living in New York City as you were going to NYU. Now,” He cleared his throat some, ”This is entirely up to you. You are allowed to choose against it and--”

“No. Sorry, not no, but also no? No, I don’t want to choose against it. Yes, I would prefer to stay here and have you teach me.”

“Ah! Well, that’s good. Here, I will show you where you will stay while you are here and we can start tomorrow. How does that sound?”

“That sounds fine to me.”

“Alright, then let’s go.”

--------

Y/N stood in front of Charles, really unsure of what he just asked her. “Y/N?”

“Y-you want to look in my mind?”

“Just to see what triggers your mutation.”

“I--”

“I understand if you say no. I would never do something like that without permission. I have other ways to figure it out.”

“May we do those other ways? I don’t feel comfortable with someone looking around in my mind.”

He nodded, “Of course. One way that I know of is to think of a time where it happened. Think about what you felt during it and attempt to recreate that feeling.”

She nodded and shut her eyes. She thought back to having to paint for that wedding. She remembered how stressed and scared she was. And in her mind she kept telling herself that it wasn’t going to work. That the only way for her to figure out how to control it would be for him to go into her mind. But that was what scared her. She just met him and didn’t fully trust him just yet. She stopped thinking about the painting and started to go over “what ifs” for if he went into her mind. She didn’t realize just how much she had gotten into it and how deep in her mind she was until she started to faintly hear someone say her name.

She opened her eyes and saw a purple field around her and Charles. She looked over at him. He had a huge smile on his face, but also looked extremely surprised and shocked. He looked over at her, “Y/N, this...this is amazing!”

“I-it’s nothing!”

“Nothing? My dear, this isn’t nothing! If this is what I am sure it is, that means that nothing can get through this and it’s basically an indestructible field of energy that if someone that you didn’t want to touches it, it will cause them harm!”

“How is that good?! You’re telling me I could hurt someone with this?! I-I don’t want that!”

“Y/N--”

“Charles, I don’t want to hurt anyone! Can you promise me that I won’t?!”

“Please calm down.”

“Wha-what?”

“Y/N, please, take a breath and calm down.”

She did as he said and it was about then that she saw what had happened. The field had grown and ended up emitting something from them that burned everything around them. “I-how?”

He wheeled closer to her, “You got scared and let your fear control you. It-it’s a dangerous thing that happens all that time.”

“I could’ve hurt someone.”

“No. You never could. Believe me. If you wanted to harm someone, then it would have happened.” He grabbed her hand and held it softly, “Y/N, I promise that you’ll never hurt anyone as long as you let me help you. You really are extraordinary. And you become more extraordinary after everything you do. Trust me and I can help you be the best you.” She nodded, “Do you want to continue or would you like to take a break? Either is fine.”

“I would like to continue.”

He nodded, “Alright, then let’s continue.”

--------

Everyday Charles watched as Y/N gained more and more control over her mutation. But he also grew more and more infatuated with her. At first he just thought it was because of her mutation and how different it was from others he had seen. But as he got to know her more, he realized it wasn’t just due to her mutation and her personality and how she really wanted to learn more. Everything about her was interesting. Of course he simply ignored his growing feelings, knowing that she would be uncomfortable due to him being so much older than her. Hell, he didn’t even know if she liked him in that way! For all he knew, she didn’t. So he couldn’t understand why he was so mad when Erik came along and said he was going to make a move on Y/N.

--------

“I don’t understand why you’re so against it Charles. Is it the age gap? Because I am old enough to be her father, you are too my friend.”

“It’s not that.” Well, it was that but it also wasn’t.

“Then what is it?”

“I just don’t think that she should have any distractions right now. She’s still learning how to control her mutation and she’d doing so well. I just don’t want her to get distracted!”

“Is that really it?” Charles nodded, “I thought it was something different entirely.”

“I’m sorry?”

“It’s nothing. Nothing at all.” Erik pushed his hands into his pockets, “Well, since there’s no other reason, I’m going to ask her when she gets back.”

Charles nodded again, “Of course, you go on and do that my friend.” He watched as Erik walked out of the room, no doubly going to wait on Y/N. He sighed and leaned his head into his hands. Perhaps he should just tell her. The worst that could happen would be that she doesn’t feel the same and it’s awkward between them and she would leave. But it wasn’t very likely for that last part. She’s always too nice and he knew she wouldn’t leave without a logical reason, even though it was a logical reason to him.

--------

Y/N grabbed the box of tea as she remembered Charles mentioning he needed to get more. As much as she wanted to deny it, she had grown quite fond of him. The way he always checks on his students. The way he does any and everything. He was always so nice whenever she couldn’t do something or wanted to stop. He never forced her to do anything she didn’t want to do. Perhaps that was why she was thinking of allowing him in. Letting him see and perhaps they could go further in helping her with her mutation.

No matter how hard she tried to ignore it, it was impossible to ignore her growing feelings towards the professor. She just wished she knew if he felt the same.

--------

Y/N pulled into the garage of the school and was surprised to see Charles there. It was as if he was waiting for her. After turning the car off she slipped out and smiled at Charles, “What’re you doing out here?”

“Oh, I um...”

“Charles?”

He sighed, “I was wondering if...perhaps...you would like to get dinner with me sometime.”

“Charles.”

“I understand if you want to say no, but it’s just...ugh, Erik wanted to ask you out and I don’t know why but it made me so mad and I felt like I had to ask you and know if there ever would have been a chance of us.”

She smiled, “Well, I guess it’s you’re lucky day. I would love to go to dinner with you. More than once, if you’ll allow it.”

He looked up at her fully, “Really? The age difference doesn’t make you uncomfortable?”

She shook her head, “No, not really. Besides, even if it did, any other feelings I have block it out.”

“Really?”

“Really. Anyways, I would’ve rejected Erik. I don’t like him like that.”

Charles smiled, “I’m glad to hear that.”

“Good,” She crossed her arms, “Now, when will this dinner be?”

He laughed, “Whenever you would like darling.”

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lindsaywesker · 2 years ago

Text

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Welcome to the weekend!

Wow! Here we are again: Friday! Where did that week go? No, seriously, where did that week go?

Naturally, the highlight of my week was my birthday on Wednesday and, trust me, I will be celebrating my birthday all month! I have enough alcohol in here to sink a battleship, plus I have a couple of very nice dates in my diary!

The Mighty Josiah has returned from Brooklyn, so we will see him tonight and he will stay with us Friday and Saturday. I am his personal assistant, so I will be at his beck and call. You know how scrumptious he is, so I will attempt to hug and kiss him – attempt! – but he always screams and runs away.

My mother had her first experience of racial profiling this week. My daughter’s mother is black, so my daughter is mixed race, dual heritage, whatever you want to call her but, in a shop in Hove, she’s a black woman! My mum wrote, “Today, in Marks and Spencer, a security guard stopped your daughter and said she looked like a shoplifting suspect of theirs. At that minute, l appeared, all hell let loose and they were full of apologies. She was shocked, of course! It just makes me aware of how penalised black people are.” Yes, this week, Lady Wesker got a life lesson. You’re never too old to learn.

Mars has decided to trial a ‘No Bounty’ tub of Celebrations this Christmas, after its consumer research confirmed their status as the least popular sweet. The experiment comes after nearly 40% of those polled told the company the Bounty should be permanently axed from the Celebrations line up, where it struggles to compete with the star power of “all-time favourite” Maltesers. To be honest, 40% sounds like a pretty low number to be making such rash decisions. Personally, given half the chance, I would eat Bounty until it made me sick! I love it! I’m down at Sainsbury’s this morning, so I will be stocking up on Bounty bars for those lazy Christmas days! Celebrations can do one! It’s a rip-off anyway!

The ‘follows’ keep arriving at Scam HQ a.k.a. Instagram. Every day, so many follows from women with an ‘Only Fans’ page, people dealing in Cryptocurrency or just people with no profile pic. For every person I follow, I literally delete about 20 wanting me to follow them. El*n M*sk calculates that about 90% of our followers are bots! I suspect he might be right but that won’t be happening on my IG profile. Not me, mate!

Yesterday, I forgot to post a photo on IG of some of my wonderful Wednesday students, which I have done today. Some people are a bit funny about selfies. They worry about the way they look, or worry about people knowing their whereabouts, or just worry about being in selfies. For my money, when people pass away, I am so grateful for my selfies with me and them. Beautiful moments, never to be forgotten.

For those of you that follow me on Twitter, if I suddenly disappear, I will have gone to @TribelSocial. As Twitter is now allowing very extreme right-wing people back on their platform, I may back away? Let’s see what happens?

Very sad to hear about Noel McKoy passing away. ‘Family’ by McKoy was released in 1991 and we must have played it hundreds of times on Kiss FM! I think anybody listening to Kiss at that time will remember ‘Family’ as being a huge radio and party record. In 2014, Noel became part of The British Collective, an exceptional group of young men, who many of us have enjoyed in recent years. One of the most distinctive voices in UK soul music. He will be missed.

Matt Hancock is about to find out how much people hate him!

Be warned: someone has created a FAKE Lindsay Wesker profile and they may send you a friend request. Do not accept it!

Hope you can join me tomorrow at 1.00 p.m. for ‘The A-Z Of Mi-Soul Music’. The Letter J (Part Seven). Some of the tunes are a bit saucy! You have been warned!

Have a fabulous and funky Friday! I love you all. You’re probably thinking, “You don’t even know me!” but, if people can hate for no reason, why can’t I love?

#mixcloud #mi soul #dj #music #new blog #lockdown #coronavirus #books #weekend #democracy #brexit #cronyism #election #autumm #christmas #radio

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hskrealm · 4 years ago

Text

innocence (m.)

pairing: drag racer yoongi x reader

genre: fluff, smutsmutsmut. (this post took a turn i swear)

word count: 3.2k

warnings: overstimulation, PET NAMES SO MANY PET NAMES WHAT WAS I THINKING, fingering, oral (f receiving), cute shit, virgin!reader, yoongi is a bit persuasive, etc.

summary: your best friend wants to take your innocence in every possible way.

a/n: i wrote this MONTHS ago, and i literally forgot about it up until yesterday, or sometime before that? i was sad because I deleted it, but my bby @bitchyaus reblogged it after i posted it, and i have NEEEEVEEER been happier.

You hummed as you sat on your couch while scrolling through your social media feed and taking small bites of your favorite snack every now and then.

It was only 7:09. You’d usually find something to occupy yourself every day until 8:00 on the dot (although he’d come early sometimes, but that wasn’t often), which was when Yoongi would come knocking on your door with a new story to tell and to raid your fridge of whatever he could find.

If necessary, you’d tend to the few bruises his beautiful face would sport.

Once he was comfortable enough to tell you what his occupation was, you cringed the moment you imagined him sitting behind the wheel of a vehicle, pushing 200 to nearly 300 miles on a daily basis.

You begged him to consider something safer, to which he responded with a small smirk,

“I’ve been doing this years before I even met you. If I’ve managed to keep myself in good condition for this long, then I’m sure that you have nothing to worry about.”

This had become a repetitive cycle in the short year that you had known him. He’d shoot you a text before he went out for the day, and come speeding back to your place once he was let off of work.

Or–when he let himself off, rather. He never really was the type to follow rules anyway.

You smiled fondly at the thought of seeing his gummy smile sometime in the next hour.

You checked your phone again.

7:14.

Well, 46 minutes to be exact.

You sighed and tossed your head back against the couch cushions as you tried to register what about this man had you so whipped for him.

Could be the fact that he was a sweetheart when it came to you,

Or it could also be the fact that he looked so fucking hot driving those cars despite how much you hated seeing him behind the wheel.

Or, it could be that he had really, really pretty hands–

There was a loud knock at your door. It carried the same loudness that Yoongi’s carried.

Okay, you have really got to find yourself a hobby.

The person knocked twice, and then there was a three second pause before the last and final knock came.

You grinned as you rushed over toward the door.

There was his signature knock that he had given himself sometime a few weeks ago.

He suggested that he should have a special knock so you knew it was him, although you told him multiple times that no one other than him or your best friend came to visit.

He still wouldn’t let up even then, muttering something about how it would be the safest measure. You then (jokingly) proceeded to tell him he knew nothing about safety, which led him to tell you about all of the safety precautions people in his profession must take before even considering driving one of those high speed cars.

He couldn’t take a joke, but that was alright. You loved him anyway.

You took a quick glance through the peephole just to make sure it was him before you unlocked the door.

As usual, he rushed in and threw his bag to the ground before making a beeline to your kitchen.

“Nice to see you too.” You smiled a bit, closing the door back and locking it behind yourself.

“I shouldn’t have to greet you anymore when I enter.” He spoke, although his voice was a bit muffled since he was bent over as he shuffled through your fridge.

“It’d be nice, though.” You sighed dramatically as you walked back over to your couch and flopped onto it.

“Sure.” He shrugged, returning from the kitchen to take his spot next to you on the couch as he always did.

“Hello, Princess.” He smirked, laughing at the way you rolled your eyes and looked away from him.

He’d called you that for forever now, and you’d be a terrible fucking liar if you were to say that it didn’t make your pussy clench.

He knew that it did, too, which was why he said it.

“Did you do something productive today?” He asked, as he took a bite out of one of the strawberries out of the bowl that he quickly prepared for himself.

“I did some school work earlier.” You shrugged, gesturing toward your closed laptop that sat on the arm of the couch closest to you.

He hummed, nodding approvingly.

“Good girl,” He noticed the way that your body shivered at his praise. He always talked like this, but for some reason it was really having an impact on you right now.

“Have you eaten something filling today?” You bit your lip.

You hadn’t had a ‘meal’, but you had some pretty filling snacks. You just weren’t in the mood to cook anything, or even order something.

There was no point in lying to him either, because he could see right through you.

“Depends on what the word filling means.” You responded, as if this wasn’t a question that he asked you everyday.

Yoongi narrowed his eyes at you and set the bowl of strawberries down on your coffee table before quickly reaching over your thighs to grab the bag of chips that you had been snacking on before his arrival.

His hand brushed over the exposed skin of your legs, causing you to gulp. He was always a forward person, but never this forward.

“This isn’t a meal, ____ . “ He scolded, and you rolled your eyes.

“I know, but I can promise you that I am satiated.” Yoongi shook his head in disbelief.

“You hungry?” He asked, cocking his head to the side as he stared into your eyes with his arms crossed.

“Nope.” As if on cue, your stomach growled.

“Mhm.” He mocked, handing you the bowl of strawberries before standing up.

“What are you doing?” You asked, confused as to why he was suddenly up on his feet.

“I’m about to cook you something, little girl.” He rolled his eyes as he walked into the kitchen.

“Yoongiiii-“

“In the mood for pasta? You’ve got all of the ingredients I’d need to make you some alfredo.” You groaned.

“My stomach growls all the time! I’m not hungry, I swear.” He was already pulling out pots and pans from your cupboards as your voice went through one ear and out of the other.

“Suck on those strawberries with those pretty lips of yours while I cook this, hm?” He said, leaning against the kitchen counter with his elbows resting against it.

“I don’t want the straw��”

“I already put the noodles in the pot, so you’re shit out of luck.”

———

Yoongi had been in the kitchen for half an hour while you caught up on your favorite Netflix series.

You should’ve just lied and said yes. He was going through way too much trouble for you.

“Alright,” He began, as he finally left the kitchen.

“Should be good to eat in a few minutes.” He slid back onto the couch.

“Mind if I use your laptop to check my stats? I’m sure they’ve gone up.” He bragged. You playfully rolled your eyes and handed him your laptop, before directing your attention back to your TV.

Yoongi began typing away for a few minutes, until his fingers paused, his eyes grew wide, and he choked on air.

“What? Those stats not what you expected them to be?” You laughed, Yoongi turning his head to look at you before clicking on a tab at the top of the screen and pushing the laptop in your direction.

“What– Oh my God, give me that!” You yelled, Yoongi easily fighting off your efforts to grab the laptop away from him by shoving his arm against your chest.

“Are these your nudes?” He asked, although it was painfully clear that they were.

Yoongi smirked at the way you began to blush profusely.

Holy shit, you were going to die of embarrassment.

‘Play it cool.’ You thought to yourself.

“Yeah? So what if they are?” You used this opportunity to snatch the laptop away from him and close the tab, before shutting the laptop off and setting it on the coffee table where the empty strawberry bowl was.

Yoongi raised an eyebrow, taken aback by your response.

“Clearly you don’t seem to mind.” You smirked, gesturing to the bulge forming in his pants.

He dropped the smirk on his face as he inched closer to you. You reflexively backed away from him.

“You talk pretty big for a virgin, sweetheart.” He growled. Your stomach fell to the bottom of your ass at his words.

You weren’t sure of what to say.

“Uh, I never told—“

“You’d be surprised of what you tell me when you’re drunk.” He reached forward to twirl a strand of your hair around his pointer finger before tucking it behind your ear, as if he had done this to you before.

“Since we’re letting secrets go, you should know that I’ve thought about fucking you plenty of times.” He hummed, as he traced your jawline with his fingers.

“You haven’t got any idea of what thinking about stripping you of your innocence does to me, sweetheart.”

Your chest began to rise and fall rapidly.

“I know that you’d let me, too.” He slowly pushed you backward until your back hit the couch.

“You would let me, wouldn’t you?” He looked into your eyes, waiting for your approval before he took anything further.

You thought about it.

Did you really want to lose your virginity to this sexy drag racer that you’ve grown to become best friends with over the past year?

Hell yes.

“Yes, yes I’d let you.” You stuttered, causing him to groan at your admittance.

He was going to corrupt you more and more day by day before you even realized it.

And fuck, he couldn’t wait.

“Hmm.” He hummed against your skin, as he nudged your head to the side so he could expose the skin of your neck.

He quickly began to suck love bites against the skin, eager to cut straight to the chase in order to get a taste of that perfect cunt that was spread wide in that picture.

“How far have you gone, baby?” He asked, as he tugged your shirt up over your chest and kissed his way around your breasts.

“I–I’ve, fuck,” You moaned, as he sucked one of your nipples into his mouth.

“I’m sorry, you’ve done what?” He mumbled against your hardening bud. You whimpered.

“I-I’ve masturbated with a toy.” Yoongi detached his mouth from your nipple.

“That’s all?” You nodded shyly.

“Fuck, you’re going to be the death of me.” He hungrily kissed down the rest of your body, stopping right above the band of your shorts.

“I’ve got to taste you to get you prepared to take me. Is that alright?” He wasn’t lying. It would help you adjust to his size a bit easier, but it was mostly for his own personal pleasure.

You nodded, and he wasted no time in tugging down your shorts and panties in one swift motion.

“Oh my God.” He nearly whimpered at the sight of your untouched pussy. You began to close your legs as he stared down at your most intimate areas, which prompted him to roughly throw one of your legs over the back of the couch so you were forced to keep yourself spread for him.

“Don’t ever do that again.” He warned. You nodded, murmuring an apology as he laid himself flat against the couch and pulled your hips closer to his face.

He breathed shakily against your core. You began to writhe in his hold as his cool breath hit your exposed pussy lips.

“Are you sure about this, baby? We could stop this at any moment.” He asked for the final time. It made you smile that he continued to ask you if this was really what you wanted.

“I’m sure. Please–oh, shit!” You yelped. Yoongi hadn’t even let you finish your sentence before he had his lips wrapped around your clit.

Your hands hesitantly tangled in his hair, as you were uncertain if he was okay with you touching him or not.

He sensed your hesitation and moaned in approval as you testingly tugged at his blonde locks.

His moan vibrated against your core, causing you to buck your hips up toward his face.

He grunted at this, using one of his arms to pin you down to the couch by your stomach, while his other arm pushed your flailing leg away from his face so he had more access to his meal.

“So good, baby. So fucking good,” He growled into you, his cock growing harder underneath him as more of your juices began to gush onto his face.

You didn’t know how it was possible, but he managed to pull you even closer to him as he licked a long stripe from your dripping hole back up to your clit, before he dipped his tongue inside of your clenching cunt and (quite literally) fucked you with his tongue.

You were a mess above him, your hair matted and stuck to your sweaty forehead as you relished in the feeling of his tongue collecting every drop of your arousal.

“‘M gonna cum, so fucking close, please please–” You begged him with your eyes closed. He took a glance up at you, wanting to watch you come undone on his tongue.

“SHIT!” You screamed, the euphoric bliss of your first orgasm knocking the wind out of you.

Yoongi hummed and pulled his tongue out of you, slipping two of his fingers into his mouth before lining them up with your cunt.

“You with me, babygirl?” He asked. You opened your eyes so you could see him, but you immediately closed them again ad he slid his digits into your wet hole.

“Ughh, oh my fucking God!” You let out a broken moan, tears welling in your eyes from the overstimulation.

“Hey, you’re okay, hm? I need to make sure you’re as comfortable as possible if you’re still willing to take my cock.” His words were caring, although there was a bit of cockiness behind them, almost as if he knew that you still would be in at least some pain from the stretch.

The thought alone excited him.

“Just a little bit more, okay? Hold out for me.” You were about to protest, when he pressed his hand against your lower stomach and began to piston his fingers in and out of you like a machine.

He curled them perfectly against that little spot inside of you that had your eyes rolling toward the back of your head, and your toes curling in pleasure.

Your mouth fell open in a silent scream as you came for the second time within a five minute span.

Yoongi left you to yourself for a moment as he hastily tugged his jeans down, not wanting to waste time to pull them off completely.

He was so eager to have your little cunt pulsing around him.

He fished around in his back pocket for a condom. He was thanking himself mentally for forgetting to take it out the last time he wore those jeans a few weeks ago.

“Could you be a doll and roll this on for me, baby?” He tore the wrapper open with his teeth and quickly tossed it aside as he handed you the slippery thing.

You took it with shaky hands, still not completely over your last two orgasms as you gently grabbed his cock and spread the condom over it.

“Oh, fuck.” He growled, the feeling of your little hand spreading over his throbbing dick enough to make him cum right there.

He desperately needed to be inside of you.

He grabbed his cock and began to rub circles around your clit, the small action making you gasp for air because of how sensitive you already were.

“Think you can still handle me?” You looked up at him. He wasn’t smirking, but you could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Mhm, j-just please, be gentle.” You whimpered, and Yoongi nodded as he lined himself up with your entrance.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

For now.

He pushed just the tip into you, instantly catching your lips with his to prevent any sound of discomfort from leaving your mouth.

“Ready for some more?” He asked sweetly, as he pressed his forehead against yours. You winced, but nodded anyway.

He pushed the rest of his cock into you inch by inch, attempting to nullify the pain a bit by leaving kisses along the side of your neck and jaw.

“You’re taking me so well, ____.” He sat still for a moment, letting you adjust before he rocked his hips slightly.

He looked at you for approval, and when you nodded once he began to set a slow, steady rhythm with the pace of his thrusts.

“‘M not gonna last long, baby. You’re squeezing me so tight, I can barely fit my cock through.” You weren’t sure what it was about the way that he was talking to you, but it just made you clench around him even harder as he began to pick up speed.

“I need you to cum with me, Princess. Can you do that for me?” You nodded eagerly, already on the brink of insanity.

He licked his thumb and brought it down to your clit. You squeaked, and he grunted above you as he tried to ease himself inside of you without hurting you.

“Now, cum now.” He ordered, his arms shaking as he held himself up above you to prevent from collapsing on top of your chest.

You came with your mouth held open in a silent moan, your legs spasming around Yoongi’s waist as he slowly pulled out of you.

The corruption was only beginning.

“Hungry? I’m sure the food is plenty cool now.” You laughed breathlessly at his lame joke, as you covered your face with your hands while trying to catch your breath.

“I’ll go grab some for you, but I’ve got a question for you first.” He paused. “No, wait, two actually.” You glanced at him.

“Go for it.” You said, voice hoarse.

“Would you let me take you out sometime? I mean, on a real date?” You scoffed.

“I thought you were going to ask me to be your girlfriend or something.” You laughed. He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

“I was.” You froze.

“I backed out, though.”

“I mean, I would’ve said yes.” He snapped his head toward you.

“You would have?” You nodded, a small smile on your face.

“In that case, will you be my girlfriend, then?” You giggled at his shy demeanor, a complete 180 from how he handled you just a few minutes ago.

“Yes, I will.” He leaned down to peck your cheek.

“My last question...”

“Yeeeees?” You encouraged him to continue.

“Why are your nudes on your laptop anyway?”

“I hate you.”

tag list! let me know if you want to be on it. (you could send me a message, an ask, or just comment under this fic)

@bitchyaus @dontaskshhhhh @taesluttt @1-in-abillion @designjet @peachy-bhun @patpus @koracynthia120 @safi4x @lcnycto @someonewhowannadielol @dreamingsmile @rinastylesworld @fan-ati--c @sincemalik @bts-bay-bee @cestlaviecia @jeonjungkookiiee @bunny-kix03

#blkjmn #bts smut #yoongi smut #yoongi fluff #yoongi x reader #yoongi imagine #yoongi au #min yoongi smut #min yoongi fluff #min yoongi x reader #min yoongi imagine #min yoongi au

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meliorist-midoriya · 4 years ago

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personality swap!

the request: Hello! I just read few of your writings and I really really loved them :) If your requests are open by any case can I ask for a Bakugou x reader scenario where Bakugou and Midoriya get hit by a quirk that results in their personality getting switched for a day. I think it would be adorable if Bakugou suddenly gets all shy and flustered near his s/o Thank you so much :* Keep writing uwu

a/n: hello anon! honestly personality switched bakudeku is my jam so this was really fun to write lololol. so fun that i accidentally wrote a headcanon instead, until i saw that a scenario was requested but i liked the hcs too much to delete it so you get both lol. thank you for sending in a request, and happy reading!

⟢ it literally gives everyone whiplash

⟢ bakugou?? being??? polite??????

⟢ he’s giving actual comprehensible advice, and his voice sounds normal, if not quieter?

⟢ you never thought you’d see the day. sadly, this would only last for a day or so until they went back to normal, so you’d have to make the most of it.

⟢ seeing midoriya snapping at everyone at the drop of a hat all day was kinda funny but also kinda scary bc suddenly he was kicking through ten layers of concrete. like damn, chill ;;;

⟢ the best part, though, comes after class. you two usually walk back to the dorms together, hand-in-hand.

⟢ you grab his hand and this boy, oh this sweet boy, literally almost COMBUSTS. bakugou.exe has stopped working.

⟢ poor baby’s face is so red and you have to fan him to cool him off before you can grab his hand again. super concerned that you want to hold his hand, esp after all his nervous sweating, but shuts down again when you tell him that you don’t mind with a smile.

⟢ if you like teasing him, NOW IS THE TIME! will freeze up on the spot and maybe overheat. he’s stumbling over his words half the time, stammering nonsense the other half, but 100% completely whipped for you.

⟢ his vocal filter is loose as hell now though, somehow finds a way to fluster you without intending to.

⟢ “katsuki, your blush is so cute!”

⟢ “it’s because you’re cuter- wait, did i say that out loud?? forget i said that aaaa \(o///∇///o)/”

⟢ the softest baby that will shower you with affection since the personality switch ended up also loosening his pride. he’ll cuddle you with absolutely no fuss, do whatever he can for you.

⟢ this also gives you a LOT of insight into how he actually feels about you since he’s so much more affectionate w you during this time.

⟢ while seeing this bakugou was really cute and endearing, you were more than happy to see his normal, aggressive tsundere personality back the next day.

⟢ bc that’s the one you fell for~

⟢ “forget everything that happened yesterday. all of it.”

⟢ “aww, but katsuki! your blushing face is really cute!”

⟢ “what in the hell-”

⟢ mf is still blushing

“This is… kinda strange.”

“Are you kidding me, Sero? This is great! We finally get to have blackmail material on the invincible Bakugou!” Kaminari was cackling as he whipped his phone out, ready to film Bakugou. Quiet, meek, Bakugou, awkwardly trying to dodge Kaminari’s camera lens by hiding behind Midoriya. Aizawa had brought them into class a few moments ago, announcing their circumstances to the class before leaving the two boys to fend for themselves as he zipped up his sleeping bag and knocked out.

“Kaminari, if you don’t stop right now…” Midoriya, on the other hand, was glaring down at Kaminari. Personality switched or not, his protectiveness never failed to show through.

“Y-Yes sir!”

Meanwhile, you crept around the desks to tug at Bakugou’s sleeve, smiling as you pulled him away from the people clamoring around Midoriya and Kaminari. Almost immediately, his face flushed red as you tugged him away from the commotion, yet he followed you to his desk nonetheless.

“Are you doing okay, Bakugou?”

“A-Ah, yeah, I think… I want people to pay attention to me, but not like that…” You were a hair away from smothering your boyfriend with cuddles right then and there, but you needed him to be functioning for the rest of the day so, alas, you had to hold back. Didn’t stop you from gushing over the blush dusting over his cheeks, which only made the rest of his face bloom with an embarrassed flush.

“Ah, Bakugou, your blushing’s so cute!”

“It’s because I don’t know what to do with myself since you’re cute!”

Now you were the flustered one, feeling your cheeks warm as you stared at him in surprise. An awkward silence paused the class at his slightly too-loud outburst, his voice raising an octave as his nerves went haywire, before it was broken by Kaminari and Sero’s howling laughter with their phones out.

“We got that on video! On video! This is going to be great!”

Realizing his mistake, Bakugou slowly hid his face in his hands with a groan.

“Kaminari, Sero…” The boys squeaked at Midoriya’s glare.

“We’re sorry!”

#bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugo x reader #bnha headcanons #bnha scenarios #mha headcanons #mha scenarios #from the typewriter

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hacked-by-jake · 4 years ago

Text

Was that Jake there 2

Part 1

Pairing: JakexMc

Words: 4,2k

A/N: So, a few days ago I got an absolutely sweet comment from @captainwanderlust78❤️

Really, you made my last week. And then unfortunately the news came from Everbyte that EP 7 will come later. And actually, there wasn’t a second part planned for this story, but since you wanted one so much, here we are. This is my second attempt, because I wrote a part that I didn’t like. I tried to keep the story a little more quiet this time. Anyway, I hope you like it and apologize for possible mistakes. Oh and Merry Christmas. 🌲❤️

"Ready little ones?" Dan asks you and pokes you with his elbow.

"Yes, I’m ready," you answer and look at the big clock in the motel lobby.

Point 12 at midday.

"I’ll be gone," you say goodbye to the others.

"Take care of yourself and call me if you need anything," Richy informs you.

"Yeah, or if he attacks you," hiss Dan.

"Dan" hisses Jessy and steps on his foot.

"Ouch" growls Dan and looks at her accusingly.

Jessy is just ignoring this and calls after you, "See you later".

Slowly but with firm steps you make your way to the elevator.

Immediately the doors open and you get in and press the button for floor three.

The place the place where you meet is going to be a motel room that can’t be used because of renovation.

This is the perfect place to meet Jake.

He will come over the fire escape behind the motel to the third floor and there you meet in the room.

Deciding how and when the meeting will take place was quite awkward.

Yesterday after you guys finished partying at the club, you and Jessy called a cab as planned to take you home to Jessy. Fortunately, everything worked out, until the taxi driver drove to the roadside in the middle of the drive and simply switched off the engine.

Immediately all the alarms were on in your head, and you were ready to get out of the car if necessary.

He turned to you in the back and silently held a note to you.

The paper was folded very small, you opened it and saw many ones and zeros.

0100100001100101011011000110110001101111 010011010110001100001010

Grinning, you rolled your eyes.

"What’s that supposed to mean?" Jessy wonders.

"This is a binary code," you explain to her and pull your phone out of your pocket.

"Ah now I know what that is, of course," she grumbles ironically.

"This is computer language"

You search the Internet for a code translator.

You took a picture of the notes, the translator took the numbers and translated them directly.

"Hello Mc" you read, "Is this serious?".

The driver silently held out a note to you.

You also open this note and moan desperately.

"Can’t he just write normal letters?" you mumble and take a deep breath.

"He’s a computer nerd, they’re all weird," answers the man who was supposed to be just a taxi driver.

01010100 01101111 01101101 01101111 01110010 01110010 01101111 01110111

00001010 01000100 01101111 01101111 01110010 01100010 01100101 01101100 01101100 00001010 01010000 01101100 01100001 01101110

01100110 01101111 01110010

01100111 01110101 01111001

00001010

"Tomorrow morning, doorbell, plan for guy" is the translation.

"Huh?" makes Jessy next to you.

"I’ve got another one," the guy calls again.

"One more? Why not write everything on a piece of paper?"

"Clay said it was too confusing"

"Clay?"

"Oh, Jake, excuse me" he grins and holds out the third note.

01001101 01100101 01100101 01110100 00001010 00110001 00110010

"Meet

12 o'clock

"Midday"

"Okay, so, there’s a man ringing in the morning and he wants me to tell him the plan but the meeting has to be at 12:00," you put it all together.

"Right" the man agrees with you and starts the car again.

"Wait, You knew what that meant?"

"Yes, but we should talk as little as possible, that’s why the notes" he explains to you.

"But I said it out loud"

"Yes, right"

After that, he didn’t speak, but at least you didn’t have to pay.

Well, and then 20 minutes later, you and Jessy took the next taxi back to Roger’s garage, and there you all met again to work out the plan.

Lilly told Mrs Walter she didn’t have to work today. Lilly would take her shift and the owner should have a nice day with Alfie.

After a little persuasion it worked and Lilly is the only one who has to work.

There are only 13 rooms occupied in the entire motel, and only two of them are on the third floor, so the room with the renovation fits best.

This morning at 7 o'clock, a flower messenger rang at Jessy’s house, and you stared at the roses and then at the man.

"Gohstbusters" he said and you understood what to do.

You gave him a note stating the plan for the meeting.

However, written in hieroglyphs.

But there is also a translator on the Internet.

The elevator doors open and you look around.

No one is to be seen so you make yourself on the way to the room which is at the very end of the corridor.

With the key card you got from Lilly, you can open the door, hold the card against the sensor and the door cracks quietly. You press the door inwards and notice that there’s light on.

However, of course you did not expect that a man sitting in the room on the desk chair.

"Oh, God," you jump back a step.

The man looks up and immediately looks worried.

"Oh my God," you murmur as you realizes it’s just Jake.

Completely out of breath, you lean with your hands on your knees and breathe deeply.

"Oh shit, MC, I didn’t mean to." He murmurs and comes up to you.

You laugh in agony and grin forced.

"Ha uhm already okay, all right, I was not scared".

A small but quiet laugh comes from Jake’s mouth.

He’s going to the side so you can come in. He locks the door behind you.

"How did you get in here?" You ask and try to calm your heart that feels like it’s jumping out of your chest.

"The doors are not safe for hackers," he explains, sitting back on the chair.

"You hacked a motel door?" you ask amused.

"Yes, you weren’t there yet, but I couldn’t stay in front of the door. That would have been more than conspicuous," he argues.

You just shake your head and let yourself fall on the bed. For a moment it is quiet, only the ticking of the clock can be heard.

"Thank you for coming," you speak in silence.

"Hm yes" is the answer.

"You’re still against it, aren’t you?" you ask unsure.

"MC, please don’t think I wouldn’t want to see you too, but I won’t be reassured until you’re safe again," he explains.

"How are you?" you change the subject.

"I am fine, and you?"

You roll your eyes, "Don’t tell me everything at once," you say ironically.

A smile appears on his face.

"Honestly not so good" he admits.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, it’s okay" he declines. You pull up an eyebrow and you look at him in a challenging way, "Okay, then in a different way. Tell me what’s going on," you challenge him and leave no room for a negative answer.

You point to the bed next to you and signal him to sit next to you.

He thinks briefly but then does what you want

"Well, it’s all pretty stressful right now," he starts.

"Okay good, and keep going" attentively you look at him.

He finally surrenders and begins to report.

"There were some problems that we didn’t expect, they almost caught us. We could only cross a border with a lot of luck and help, but that took us quite some time. And then I made a stupid mistake, the pursuers were able to intercept our signal. As a result, I had to burn my laptop and cell phone so that nothing could be found.

That took us some time too. The agents are much better than I thought, they are much too fast and much too good and that makes it really hard for me. And for the others, too. And what’s even harder is, that I can’t write to you anymore. I dont know how far along you are, or if you have new clues, new key results, how far along you are with Hannah, but even worse, I don’t know how you’re doing. How you feel or if you have problems, and that makes my head full all day with questions that revolve around you. Sometimes we manage to access the Internet for a short time through public computers in libraries or cafes. But contacting you would be too dangerous. I can delete a lot of data from the system but as I said, the agents are better than I thought and unfortunately we do not know exactly how well and how much they can get back. I would have to take every computer with me and burn it down, but that would be even worse if computers were suddenly missing everywhere. It’s shitty MC, I’m honest, I hate this situation, but it’s my own fault"

exhausted, he rubs his face.

Wow okay, that was very honest.

Worried you look at him.

You could say things like "everything’s gonna be okay" or "it’s not your fault." But let’s face it, it’s not helping anyone. So the only logical way is to just hug him tight, and that’s exactly what you’re doing.

You slide a little closer to him and wrap your arms around his upper body and lean your head against his shoulder. Unlike yesterday, he does not tense himself but also gently lays his arms around your body. Immediately, its smell rises in your nose and tingles through your body. You notice how relief spreads in your body. Relief that he’s doing reasonably well, that he’s still free, that he’s here with you, that he’s hugging you, too. But above all, relief because it feels like every pressure is dropping from you, all the pressure of the last few weeks. The pressure because of Hannah, the pressure because of the man without a face, and of course the pressure that something might have happened to Jake. At least for a brief moment, everything is fine, and that makes you happy. And if you think about he’s gonna have to leave soon, you’re gonna get sick. But you don’t want to think about the negative things now, you just want to enjoy the moment, just a brief moment of rest.

You have closed your eyes and hear Jake’s heart beat rhythmically, which also calms you down. You remove an arm from his body and place your hand on his left chest. You can feel his heart just coming out of rhythm and then beating a little faster than before. This also makes your heart beat a little faster.

"You Jake?" you whisper softly.

"Mhh?" he makes a questioning sound.

"Who are the others?"

"They’re familiar to me. The three were also involved in the government project and now they are also in danger," he says briefly.

"Okay?" your voice sounds questioning.

"We know each other from different chat portals for hackers"

Thus, all your questions were answered. For this moment.

Slowly you break away from each other, even if you don’t want to, but it’s no use.

"I still have to thank Lilly and you" he addresses your #IamJake action.

"You don’t have to thank either of us, Lilly owed it to both of us, and I do it because I want," you assure him.

"But still, it’s not understandable, I hope it will help us. The idea was really good. The others were quite fascinated when they saw this, "he praises you and his half-sister.

"You deserve it, too, Jake," you reaffirm your action even more.

Ironically he laughs, "with what?"

"In which you are, and also do everything to find Hannah, even if she doesn’t know you’re her half-brother. And Lilly also understood that we both just wanted to help."

"That might have been a little selfish of me. I just wanted you guys to make up because I don’t know where this is going with the two of us. And I wanted to take the opportunity early" he confesses.

"I can live with that" a little smile is on your face.

He doesn’t know where this is going with us, and he wanted you and his half-sister to make up.

"I’m sorry, MC but -" he starts.

You sigh, "but we still have something to discuss," you finish his sentence.

"I’m sorry, but we only charged three hours at the most, then I have to go "he looks at you apologetically.

"It’s okay, let’s not talk about it now".

You really don’t want to talk about it right now. The conversation will come soon enough. Jake gets his backpack on the desk and takes out his laptop.

Then he sits down next to you again and asks you to give him your phone.

Quickly, a connection is established and the screen of your phone is displayed on the laptop.

And so you begin to discuss everything that’s happened since he was gone.

By now you had arrived at Lilly’s and your chat.

"You really called her Duskwood’s worst legend?" Jake asks a little overwhelmed if he can laugh about it.

"Um, I was a little mad," you smile innocently at him.

"Remind me not to argue with you" he looks at you briefly from the side and grins crooked.

"I like to argue sometimes" challenging, you look at him.

"Yes, I noticed that, so we prefer not to"

Quietly, he continues to read the chat while you wait to see if he has any questions.

From the side you see his eyes suddenly get a little bigger and he swallows.

"Everything okay?" you ask him immediately.

"So we’re in love?" he asks teasingly.

It takes a short time to remember the message, immediately you get warm and your cheeks turn red.

Then you laugh a little hysterical.

"Um, haha that- that, uhm yes..." you stutter.

Jake raises an eyebrow.

"Um, yeah, I can explain that," nervously you start playing with your hands and scratching your neck in turns.

"Uhm, so - on that point I didn’t know, uhm, what relationship you and Lilly have. So this - I didn’t know you both were siblings, and then I kind of wanted to piss them off. Well, I- I thought it might upset Lilly or something".

You don’t even know if that’s true, you just said it without thinking. Maybe it’s true, but he doesn’t want anyone know it, or it‘s just going too fast for him.

You wish for nothing more than for the floor to swallow you.

"I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have written that. I hope I didn’t make you feel stupid or anything, that’s the last thing I want, can we just forget about it?" you murmur in shame.

You look at the tips of your shoes so you don’t have to look at Jake.

"Lilly was right," Jake murmurs into the unpleasant silence.

"I didn’t like that they voted against you in the vote. They treated you unfairly, I didn’t like that at all," he admits, "I felt the need to at least scare the others. Which was not quite okay, but I couldn’t watch them treat you like this".

You’re looking at him.

"It was for Hannah, because you will be the key, but I could have just written a message, but that was not enough for me".

You can’t hold back a slight grin.

"Thank you" is all you can say.

"Is it true?" he harks curiously.

"Huh? What?" you act like you didn’t understand his question

"Well, what you wrote to Lilly"

"You know I like you," you confirm.

In response, you get just another big smile from Jake as he just keeps looking at the screen.

However, he omits the end of the chat, at the point where you got the video.

He knows probably after that it’s about his family.

"I’m very proud of you MC" he starts to talk, "you two worked really well together and I’m amazed how well you were able to solve the puzzles".

A little shy about his praise, you just thanked him.

Exhausted, you fall back on the bed.

Jake closes his laptop, puts it back in his pocket and then slowly lies down next to you.

"I haven’t asked you how you are actually doing" he notes a little depressed.

"At least better than in the last few weeks. It’s all very exhausting, but I can do it" you mumble and turn your head to the left so you can look at him.

His page profile is really beautiful.

"We met at a very strange time," Jake mutters, and he also turns his head in your direction.

For a moment, you look at each other silently.

"You are so wonderful and especially MC, do you know that?" he breathes.

"I don’t know, is that me?" you ask quietly.

"So wonderful that I don’t understand why you’re lying here with me"

"Maybe because you’re special, too, Jake. And even more wonderful than all the people I’ve met so far" you reciprocate his sweet compliment and mean every word seriously.

"Are you sure about this?"

"To 100 percent"

"You deserve someone better than me," he sighs.

"Stop lying," you grinned.

Now you both look at each other silently again, only the second hand and the birds from outside can be heard.

Slowly Jake raises a hand and wipes a strand of hair from your face.

You take his hand in yours and you cross your fingers with each other.

Jake looks thoughtfully at your hands.

"It’s dangerous what we’re doing here," he mutters.

"You can take that little break, Jake. That's okay," you calm him down.

"Maybe, but it’s dangerous to be here with you. You get such big problems if the persecutors find out you know me," he easily squeezes your hand.

"Jake, don’t worry about it. I know who I’m dealing with and I know it can end badly. But that’s why I don’t care, if we don’t risk it now, it may be too late. And then we’ll never know if it would’ve worked.

At the moment everything is going crazy, so why not at least do what you want for a short time?"

"You should become a motivational trainer" he suggests for fun.

"Do you think? Did my speech help?"

"I agree with your words, but I have so much more to lose. My freedom and looking for Hannah, but those are just the little things. The biggest problem is that I could never live with myself if you got problems just because I was selfish. Against these problems the man without face is nothing, MC. If you go to jail because of me, I could never forgive myself, you understand. And that’s my problem, I don’t know if I can risk it, I don’t want to ruin your whole life.

You made new friends here, when Hannah gets back, you’ll be completely happy, but then there’s me. The guy who runs from the government, that’s not what you deserve", he tries desperately to explain.

"That’s also why I don’t tell you what exactly I did, why I tell you as little as possible. You can’t say anything if you know nothing no matter what they do, you don’t know it. If the agents find you, they definitely do a lie-detector test with you, and hopefully, they won’t do any more than that. But if you don’t know anything, you’re not in danger either."

"I understand your point, I understand your worries and your fear, but, Jake, I’m aware of all of this. I know what happens if you and I can be connected, but I accept it for you and for Hannah."

"But that’s the thing, you shouldn’t put yourself in danger for this, not even for Hannah. And you being in Duskwood is dangerous enough, which is why I’m here with you, because it’s too dangerous."

You pull up an eyebrow and look skeptical.

"You don’t have to take care of me.What should happen to me? I won’t be alone.One of the others will always be with me. The man without a face can’t do anything to me, "you calm him down.

"I know, I know, but I’m still worried about you"

"But there’s nothing you can do about it, Jake. And the rest of the time we have left, we shouldn’t discuss things we can’t influence. None of us can change the situation"

"I don’t like that you’re right again" he grumbles what makes you smile.

"Do you know I’m happy right now?" you tell him softly, "because of you."

"Why?"

"Because I know you’re doing reasonably well, and because you’re here with me.

And you’re risking your freedom right now because I wished for this meeting. Then how could I not trust you, Jake? You deserve me to be here with you. And that’s also one reason why I don’t care if they get me, you confided in me even though you’re in a difficult time. You trusted me and that’s why I trust you" to support your words, you put his hand on your lips and breathe a short kiss on the back of his hand.

Like he’s petrified, he’s watching you.

"I think I’m really in love," he whispers.

"And I think I’m in love with you too" you giggle softly.

Minimally you slide closer to him and lean slightly with your elbow on the bed to push you a bit upwards.

As if he were considering whether this is a good idea, he eventually slips closer to you, but a lot more than you.

He also leans on the bed to be back on your height, your hands remain united all the time.

His thumb gently caresses the back of your hand.

Not ten centimeters separates your faces from each other.

Jake takes the initiative and leans even further up so that your faces almost touches. You feel his breath on your skin and your body is flooded with excitement. It’s like they just touched by accident.

Slowly, your faces move towards each other until your lips gently touch. But it’s enough to light a fire in you and get Jake to press his lips on yours.

Immediately you close your eyes and return the kiss with as much feeling as he did. You can’t control yourself and grin into the kiss, which also makes Jake smile.

Jake pulls you up to you and pushes you slightly on the bed so you can use your hands more.

But just as quickly the kiss becomes passionate again. A thousand different feelings are buzzing in your head. Despair, fear, happiness, contentment. And that is reflected in your kiss.

Now your two hands separate from each other and Jake wraps both arms around your upper body. You feel a little dizzy and feel like everything is spinning even if you have your eyes closed. Your body tries to cope with all the feelings of happiness and seems to be overwhelmed. Actually, it’s no wonder. You’ve never longed so much for closeness but with Jake now, it’s very different. The kiss last night,

it was beautiful. But that was a very different situation than it is now.you were overwhelmed and a little drunk. First the warm air in the club, then Phil, then suddenly Jake, a kiss, a deal, and then a weird cab driver. All quite a lot at once, but now you can enjoy the kiss, and it’s a very different one from yesterday. This is a relief for both of you, and the beginning of something greater, but also the beginning of an even more stressful time than before. 'Cause how you’re supposed to let Jake go right now, you absolutely don’t know.

You feel like your eyes are filling with tears because of the emotional overload that is currently running through your body. And unfortunately, you two seem to be really starting to have trouble breathing, so you’re must breaking up with each other with a heavy heart. Absolutely out of breath, Jake leans his forehead against yours.

"If the persecutors find me, beat me, okay?" he breathes hard. "Okay, but why?" you giggle.

"Because then I screwed up to be able to kiss you all the time."

In response, you laugh and give him another kiss. You could lie there forever like right now, but Jake’s phone suddenly starts ringing. Annoyed, he rolls his eyes but then stands up from the bed.He gets his cell phone out of his pocket and accepts the call. Instantly you assume the worst. The others are calling to tell him they have to leave. You don’t know how to react and your hands start to shake. His answers leave no room to speculate about what it’s all about, and his facial expressions and posture remain neutral. Shortly after he finishes the phone call, he blows out air and turns to you. You’re already struggling with the tears in your eyes as Jake starts smiling." Well, I think we need to rent a room at the motel."

Confused you look at him, "W-what do you mean?"

"We’ll be safe for the next few days, someone pretending to be me tried to hack the CIA. They think they’ve arrested me"

------

extra material:

"That’s her," he says in a much too high tone. "It’s an honor to finally meet you, I feel like I know you better than Jake knows you. Can you actually scan my personality? Jake always tells me that you are really good at seeing through people and assess" he babbles.

"Oh, is he telling you this?" you ask and grin at Jake.

"Oh yes, if you knew, When he can’t sleep, he tells a lot about you. He doesn’t usually talk that much in a year," giggles Jake’s buddy.

"Max" hisses Jake and looks at him hard.

"And he’s always telling you how impressive you are, and that he’s amazed you don’t have a problem with him being a hacker. And how sweet you are."

"Okay, that’s enough" growls Jake and pushes him. The pushed one begins to laugh and raises his hands up defensively.

"Do you tell such things?" you look amused at him. "Forget that, please," he grumbles. "Oh, I’ll never be able to forget that, but to be fair, I’m thrilled with you, too. And you don’t look bad either." You grin cheekily at him.

Masterlist🌹🎭

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