#i wrote about how i hate the paternal side of the family

[internalresistance]

My last journal entry was on 7 th Jan and I decided to jot down what happened on 11th Jan and oh boy . I believe it was a solid 1.5 hour and I wrote like someone whose author rights were wrongfully taken away and it's been two decades ever since.

[neteyamssock]

🧸ྀི 𝓲 𝓱𝓪𝓽𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾

ྀི 𝗣𝗔𝗜𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚: neteyam x fem!metkayina!reader

ྀི 𝗦𝗨𝗠𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗬: neteyam wants to know why you dislike him so much.

ྀི 𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗗 𝗖𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗧: 2k

ྀི 𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗦: misunderstanding, sfw, miscommunication, etc.

➻ a/n: wrote this while eating breakfast and its unedited. i hate it lmao.

text divider credits to @/cafekitsune

MASTERLIST

“She's so loud, does she think everyone is deaf?”

Neteyam watches you kick Ao’nung as you whine about your stolen prey, going as far as throwing stones into his direction. Frankly speaking, Neteyam finds you extremely immature and childish, even more so than Tuk.

Lo’ak snickered on his side, tossing a piece of shattered shell in the water and watched it disappear. “You’re the only one that kept complaining about her, bro. People here don't seem to mind.”

Neteyam sneered, picking up a shell beside and observing it as he spoke. “I’m sure they're just putting up with her because they cannot get rid of her.”

Lo’ak looked at his brother with amusement. Neteyam’s one sided beef with you is something none of the family expected, but he finds it interesting to see how his brother crumbles into self doubt when someone finally doesn't look at him like a god. “you’re just saying that because she doesn't like you like everybody else. you’re not used to being disregarded.”

He said it in a joking tone, but it only fanned the flames inside Neteyam. That is in fact one of the reasons why he came to dislike you very much aside from the fact that you're polar opposites. It was because right from the start, you never once showed any cordiality with him.

When the Sullys came into awa’atlu, as Tsireya and Ao’nung’s paternal cousin, you also tagged along in helping them learn the way of the water. At first, Neteyam finds you extremely interesting, like a breath of fresh air, but as time goes by and your treatment of him never changes, he also begins to resent you for it.

He’s not used to it. Just like Lo’ak said. All his life, he had done everything to please his family and the Omatikaya People, and even when they came to Awa’atlu, he had done his best in making everyone like him.

You're just one tough rock that he cannot crack no matter what he does. Smiles don't cut it. Fishes don't do it either. Pretty shells collected are a lot more mediocre than yours. He totally cannot figure you out. You seem to dislike him very much, going as far as pretending he doesn't exist. He was unprepared for it, a total disregard from someone he wanted to be close to from the very start.

“If I were you bro? I would talk to her about it and clear shit up rather than sulking everyday.” Lo’ak patted Neteyam’s shoulder as he stood up, ready to meet Tsireya half way as she walked back to the shore.

“what is there to talk about anyway?” Neteyam grumbled to himself, flicking the shells away in annoyance. Lo’ak just shrugged and walked away, totally enjoying seeing his perfect brother in dilemma.

The oldest sully once again looked at you as you play with Tuk and Kiri, seeing how happy you were with his sisters. Deep inside, he also knew why everyone loves you. Despite your loud mouth, you are always sincere. You always mean what you speak, and people appreciate your honesty and straightforwardness, well except for neteyam.

your questionable behavior directed towards him is getting on his nerves. he's at the end of his patience with you, but his self control is holding him back from erupting and asking what the hell is wrong with you.

days passed and the day for the bonfire communal feast arrived. neteyam had heard from his siblings that you and Tsireya are to dance and sing to eywa in celebration for the excellent results of the hunt done yesterday.

neteyam had never heard you sing, nor seen you dance. he never thought you could do those things, but based on his siblings' words, you're quite good and proficient. Tuk says your voice reminds her of eywa's gentle guidance, and your body as the ocean waves.

it's just another reminder that he never really knew you, that you built a wall around you to solely keep him out. that you could be free in front of his siblings but would be hard as a rock in front of him. how can you be so cruel?

"there's never gonna be any progress if you just sulk and sulk and sulk everyday. you have to understand that not everyone is obligated to like you."

neteyam glanced at his sister, bitterness in his tongue. "yea, real helpful sister."

"whatever," kiri rolled her eyes and focused on the kava in her hand, paying no attention to the distraught neteyam beside her.

when the tempo of the music changed and the people parted to reveal you and tsireya in the middle, neteyam felt his breath stolen away by your beauty. you are stunning, that he knew from the very start. he never expected to see you even more beautiful. you make him go crazy inside and he didn't even know why. no matter how you ignore him, he cannot do the same to you. you're always clouding his mind, making him sleepless every eclipse.

neteyam knew that he's being obvious by not taking his eyes off you the entire performance, he knew that his mother are looking at him every time his breath hitch like he couldn't breath, he knew that kiri is laughing at him, but he just cannot stop looking at you.

so when the time to dance with other members of the clan came, he didn't hesitate to stand up and walk towards you in hopes that he'd catch you and ask you for at least one dance.

"can i ask for a dance?" he asked, breathless and hopeful as he looked towards you.

he saw you hesitate, and his newfound confidence shattered. his lips trembled until you took his hand and murmured. "...just once."

Tsireya looked at Neteyam’s yearning look directed at you and giggled to herself. Lo’ak also saw his face and snickered. “he totally has a crush on her! he’s just mad she doesn't pay attention to him.”

The younger metkayina girl’s eyes widened. Then, she quickly accepted it. It's not like she hadn't noticed that tension between you and Neteyam. She thought both of you will figure it out yourselves that's why she didn't interfere at all, but turns out both of you are dense enough that you're still not confronting each other about what you feel.

She looked at you and decided to finally help you out. Turning to her beloved, she said. “Sister does not dislike Neteyam. She's just like that to everyone she likes.”

It was Lo’ak’s turn to be wide-eyed. “No shit? Really?! I mean she never gave him a good look y'know? Totally acting like he doesn't exist…”

Tsireya pulled Lo’ak to sit with her in the sand. “Sister does not know how to deal with her feelings properly. When we were children, she once liked a boy from another clan that visited awa’atlu. He played with us all the time and really liked sister. But since she didn't know what to do, she accidentally made him cry before he and his family were about to leave. When the eclipse came, she cried so hard that it became everyone's favorite story to talk about during communal feasts.”

Lo’ak laughed but then slowly turned melancholic. Somehow, he relates to you. Often misunderstood because you cannot express yourself correctly, and it drives you to keep your thoughts on your own even more. “That’s sad… my brother… My brother is not really the one to pursue feelings. Back in the forest most of the girls our age liked him, some he was interested in, but really didn't bother doing something for it. He’s too busy taking care of us and training to be a good warrior. I don't know if he and your sister can even work it out at this point,”

Tsireya hummed, looking at you and to Neteyam every few seconds, before an idea formed in her mind. “I know exactly what to do!”

Lo’ak looked at his beloved’s bright face and can only pray for his brother’s well-being.

sitting down after dancing with neteyam, you friend immediately sat beside you with a grin. "how does it feel to dance with your beloved?"

you rolled your eyes despite the racing of your heart. you cannot admit that you almost sang in joy when neteyam asked for a dance. you didn't even know what happened during the dance as you just gone blank. he might have thought you were uninterested as he left right after the first dance finished. although you felt at loss, you acted like nothing and continued dancing with others.

seeing you like this, your friend teased you even further. “why don't you just go and proclaim your intentions, hmm? that you want to mate with ne—”

you covered your friend's mouth, scared that someone might hear. "be quiet will you! what if someone hear?"

your friend shrugged, "then you'd probably be forced to confront your feelings and then there would be celebration for your uni---"

"impossible," you cut her off. "we are never possible right from the very beginning. he's from the forest, i'm from the ocean."

"so what? you are both na'vi and obviously liked each other."

you sneered. like you? impossible. why would someone as perfect as neteyam like you?

he's the most perfect na'vi you have ever seen. a skilled warrior, with kind and loyal heart, and would do everything for his beloved family. he's the son of Toruk Makto, admired and well-liked. you? you're just a daughter of a warrior, a niece to the olo-eyktan of the metkayina. you have no real status, no great skills like neteyam.

you do not deserve him. "eywa knows that's not true, sister. eywa knows."

Walking into the lush greeneries of the island, you wonder where your friends are. Tsireya said she wanted everyone to gather in your secret place and play the demon’s game Truth or Dare. Although you detest sky demons, it didn't diminish your curiosity for their creations.

So against your better judgment, you still came when the eclipse started. Thankfully, you know your way in quite well and didn't get lost in your trek to the heart of the island.

As you went further, you began to notice the lack of noise your friends usually make. Lo’ak should be laughing boisterously by now, Tuk screaming, and Kiri wandering around. But no matter how you strain your ears, you don't hear any familiar noises.

So when you reached the hut where you and your friends planned to stay, you were shocked to see only Neteyam inside, seemingly waiting for everyone to show up.

Your feet froze and you cannot stop your heart from racing, hammering against your chest making you gasp for breath. Your heavy breathing was quickly noticed by Neteyam who was also surprised to see you.

The gears in your head turned and you already knew what your friends were doing. It must be Tsireya, who always can see through you and your thoughts. She must’ve conspired with everyone to deceive you and Neteyam.

Without thinking things through, you turned around and walked back to where you came from, but before you could even take a few steps, a hand forcefully held you back.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going home.”

“But shouldn't we wait for the others?”

Rolling your eyes, you pulled your arm out of his grip. “Don’t you understand? They set us up for their own amusement. Now, if you can please let me go. I can't be alone with you right now. I swear to Eywa I will feed that girl to an akula—”

“Why can’t you be alone with me? Do you hate me that much?!”

“What’s your problem?!” You glared at him when he pulled you again, his fingers digging into your shoulder.

“No, what is YOUR problem?!” He looked at you sharply, trying to mask the hurt he felt inside when he heard your words. He had always known you don't like him, but to hear you imply yourself definitely hurts the most. Shaking his head, he continued. “Y’know what? Perhaps this is the time we finally talk. So tell me now, ocean girl! What the hell is your problem with me!”

You let out an unbelievable huff, feeling ridiculous as you shouted back. “Me?! It’s you always shooting daggers at me every time we meet! Why is that my fault?!”

“Because you treat me like shit!”

Both you and Neteyam froze with his outburst. He looked rather regretful for allowing himself to be vulnerable, especially in front of you. His self control is crumbling away.

“I do not treat you like shit! Don’t make things up!”

“Oh yeah, right! Maybe you don't treat me like shit because you treat me like I don’t exist! Don’t act like you don't ignore me all the time, as if it's a great burden for you to even pay me any attention. I’m tired of your shit! So tell me, what is your problem, ocean girl, so we can finally end this farce!”

With mouth agape, you stared wide-eyed at Neteyam. You have never seen him this angry before. Most of the time he’s mellow and polite, always greeting you every time you hang out with his siblings. It's only recently that he had somehow changed, always glaring at you, shooting daggers at you every time you passed by.

You tried to explain but you cannot find the right words. Looking at you like this, it only solidified Neteyam’s belief. The hurt in his eyes was palpable, so he looked away. He can't let you see him so affected by you. His pride is the only thing he can cling to right now, as you have stripped away everything from him.

“What? Couldn't speak? Did I hit the mark, ocean girl?

You gasp, chest heaving so fast as your heart rammed against your ribs. You cannot look into his eyes, too afraid to let him see the feelings you are trying so hard to avoid. “...I-I don’t dislike you, I-I—”

“Liar! You can't even look me in the eye! Tell me the truth!”

“I-I don't want to!”

“Well guess what, you cannot leave this island without telling the truth. Tell me, and I’ll let you go.” His tone has mellowed, a hint of begging in his voice. His grip on your shoulder was tight, it was hurting you but you cannot ignore the voice in your head that urges you to just tell everything and end this ridiculous argument.

“tell me, how can make you like me?"

your heart skipped a beat, processing his words. like him? you already like him so much that it hurts. how can he ask you that?

seeing you silenced, Neteyam’s chest constricted. His eyes stung, but he tried so hard to never let you notice. He cannot crumble in front of you. He doesn't want you to have the satisfaction. He wanted to hear you say that you hate him. That you detest him. That you cannot stand the thought of being with him. So it would destroy him silently, and he can finally rebuild himself piece by piece.

“Tell me!”

“I hate you because I love you!”

“Bull—”

Neteyam paused, eyes wide as he looked at you in disbelief. Your tears finally fell like waterfall as your knees gave away and you sobbed into the ground. You finally said it. The reason why you cannot sleep at night. The reason you tried so hard to avoid Neteyam in fear that he’ll see through you, that he’d be disgusted with your feelings with him. You tried to mask your love as dislike to protect your heart, because you know if you give in you’d just be shattered. You know well how this would end. He would never be yours.

“I-I hate you so much, Neteyam! For making me feel this w-way! I hate you for changing my life and making me c-confused! I hate you for making me fall for you!”

“W-What—”

You stood up without waiting for his reply. With all your strength, you ran away from Neteyam. You didn't care if your feet were hurting, and when you bumped into someone you didn't look at who it was. All you wanted was to leave this place and never see Neteyam again.

Lo’ak looked at your disappearing back and patted his brother's shoulder. Neteyam was still standing like a statue, in shock, staring at the direction you had escaped to.

“Cat’s finally out of the bag, huh. Took you guys long enough. Congrats bro, you finally confessed to your cru—”

Before Lo’ak could even finish his words, Neteyam took off like his tail’s on fire, running after you with a huge triumphant grin on his face. Tsireya and Lo’ak looked at each other and laughed, proud of their successful plan.

“Looks like I won this bet. Kiri better pays up!”

[austin-friars]

what are somethings you would personally change about wolfhall?? like how certain figures are adapted or things from the book you wish had been included?

Oooh okay, I have a lot of opinions so I guess I’ll start by saying I really do love the show/books but there are also a lot of things I didn’t like about it. Which isn’t a bad thing; I truly believe that Wolf Hall did such an amazing job at opening the door for a more nuanced perspective of Thomas Cromwell. From Wolf Hall we were able to learn things about him that were not previously discuss or highlighted. Such as his charity work, his implementation of laws that helped non-nobles, his love for arts, literature, music, etc. We got to see a very humanized version of a historical figure that had otherwise been demonized for centuries. That said, while I do adore what Mantel has done, there were some things that I wouldn’t have done.

Also, just letting y’all know these are MY opinions! You don't have to share them or agree with me! Putting this all under a cut because it's a lot longer than I thought.

And I also want to start by saying that while I like Wolf Hall and the series, I am not a fan of Hilary Mantel. 

The first thing I would change is Thomas Cromwell himself, specifically is relationship with women and his protestantism or therefore lack of. 

Now, let me state that I for the most part hated his relationships with women in the show. It can be because I am a lesbian or whatever, but more so, it didn’t do him, nor any of the women justice. I would’ve rather his relationship with a lot of the women be more paternal than romantic. I don’t find anything alluring or interesting about an older man having romantic feelings toward women 10+ years younger than him. That is something I have to see every day, and it is one of the most common tropes in media - especially historical fiction. It’s not really one of my favorite things to read about, especially when the women in the relationship aren’t given a solid character outside of their proximity to a man. 

Historically, we know that Thomas Cromwell was kind to women close to him and we know that the death of his daughters impacted him very much. Reports from those around him spoke about how much he loved his daughters, wife, family, etc. We know that he also had a close relationship with Mary I that could’ve also been sparked from him missing his own daughters, and a naturally paternal bond that sparked between him and Mary. This is to say that, Mantel’s desire to portray Thomas as someone who wants to fuck all the women he’s around (and vice versa), just didn’t do it for me. If you’ve read the books, and even watched the show, it’s somewhat apparent he has feelings for all the women around him, sexual feelings. In the books, it is much more descriptive and much more obvious. From Anne Boleyn, to Mary, to Jane Seymour to Bess Seymour to Mary I and even at a point to his own nieces. 

Now I don’t know if Mantel’s decision was to point out the inherent misogyny that men carry around, but even the way she wrote women to be overly taken by Cromwell to the point of them being in small, potential side relationships with him was annoying. And I don’t mind one sided romance, I don’t mind some of the women having attraction to him, but him solely wanting a father-daughter relationship , but that’s not what we had. Hell, he even had feelings for Rafe’s wife. If we saw more of Francis Cromwell, I’m sure he’d want to fuck her too. The reason this upsets me is because I don’t like reading things where I see women just, heavily reduced to being romantically desired for men, and when said man doesn’t really have any care or use for them, they fizzle out of the narrative. Which is essentially, what happened. And even if they didn’t fizzle out of the narrative, a large part of their importance was centered around him and how he desired them. And this wouldn’t be that much of an issue to me, if these women weren’t historical figures. 

I’m really looking at Jane Seymour and Mary I…I think they deserved more than to be viewed as romantic interest for Thomas Cromwell. Especially Jane Seymour. SO much of Jane’s life historically is heavily tied to men. To her brothers, to her husband, and to her son. She rarely, if ever, exists as a queen in her own right. Wolf Hall did not do much better. If you see how she is written in Wolf Hall, Bring up the Bodies and, Mirror and the Light…you see Mantel goes out of her way to make Jane very slow, and not really understanding of things around her, when that’s not the case. There is a scene in the books where her mother, sister and brothers force her to wear a gable hood and she looks like an idiot, and Thomas is just staring. When in reality, Jane Seymour was the one who chose to wear a gable hood to present herself as the ‘anti - Anne’. So much of Jane’s agency was taken away so she could be viewed as a love interest for Thomas Cromwell. And when she died, especially in MATL, it was him we are supposed to feel bad for, not her. When we see explicitly in the books, the only reason she was married to Henry was because Cromwell himself set up the match, and pushed for her to be Henry’s mistress so his family could have power. I didn’t like how every bit of Jane revolved around Cromwell, I didn’t like how even in death, we focus on how he is impacted not her. 

The portrayal of Mary I and Thomas’s relationship is probably my least favorite, and I do pray that we get another examination of their realtionship in another series, show, etc. They went the ‘maybe this is romantic maybe it’s not romantic’ route, and I just…didn’t like it. And that isn’t even considering how weirdly Mantel wrote Mary I. What I can personally summarize too is that Mantel herself didn’t like Catholics, which okay…but she tried her best to hype up protestantism as if it is any better. And that showed in how she wrote Catholic characters, like Cahterine and Mary. But ugh, the reltationship he had with Mary was imo, disrespectful to both of them. Historically, Cromwell was put to death on false charges of wanting to marry Mary. MATL pretty much gave credence to a rumor that put an innocent man to death. He died maintaining his innocence that he had no romantic feelings toward her, and historically he didn’t. he was like a father to her, so for Mantel to decide to make it romantic….was just weird to me. 

And then Mary Boleyn…I HATED her relationship with Thomas in the show and tbh, I really didn’t like her. I think her portrayal in Wolf Hall is my least favorite for a multitude of reasons, however, as a woman who is constantly under historical scrutiny for her virtue and for relationships, I don't think it was fair to make her essentially a gold digger? I don't think it's fair to take a woman, who was already historically unfairly viewed as unfaithful , and make her try to baby trap someone that historically, she had no love toward.

So all in all, his relationship with women was just…such a disservice to everyone involved. I don’t like this idea of taking historical women, especially those who barely get representation for themselves, and tie them to a man. And then try to make relationships where there shouldn't be. I just...didn't like that. I know a lot of people did, and that's fine, that's their right. But I didn't. Going into the book as well, Thomas tends to objectify women and just...if they don't attract him, if he doesn't view them as beautiful or useful, he is very cold toward them.

And I'm not saying that's not how he was. For all I love him, he was still a christian man in the 16th century, he wasn't perfect. But Mantle also couldn't make up her mind, and God help the women she hated , because she wrote him to treat them terribly. And tbh the fandom also has that issue of treating women badly if Thomas didn't like them.

I think about Dorthea, Wolsey's daughter, and how the fandom kinda flipped out at the mere idea that a woman didn't kiss Thomases feet and ask him to get in her pants. The idea that a woman had the audacity to be cold to Thomas, and call him out on his historical and canonically hypocrisy...yeah....they hated that.

Another thing is that, I would've loved Mantel to focus more on him as a protestantism, and show us how important his religion was to him, because that (aside from money) was a huge push for the dissolution of the monasteries/holy houses.

Now truly, I believe that Mantel withheld this because she didn't want to shed negative light on Protestantism. She was very critical toward Catholicism, and she showed that through Thomas and her writing of Catholic figures. When she portrays Thomas, she makes him extremely dismissive of religion to begin with, almost as if he doesn't really have one and he thinks religion, in every sense, is insane. We don't get to truly see him being an actual Protestant man. And this is because Catholicism and Protestanism are just, two sides of the same patriarchal coin, and I don't think Mantel wanted to show that.

But in reality, he was very very religious and pious. He dressed in darker colors, and he passed that protestanism on to his son and nephew.

That was a big big part of him, and who he was. But by not describing this, by simply going after the Catholic church, and coming up with a lot of bogus reasons as to why the reformation was justified, Mantel was able to in a way, pacify Thomas of any accountability for the reformation. She was able to give 'reasons' as to why he was doing what he was doing was okay. I appreciate that the show had Gregory call him out for that, but the books didn't do it very well.

This is to say, that the destructions of the holy houses and the monastaries, the reformation, etc., wasn't this good, noble thing despite Mantel portraying it as such. Many many people died and that was kinda brushed over because Mantel portrays it from a more logistical standpoint and not a religious one.

So yeah. I'd like us to see him as a more Protestant man, in addition to actually holding him accountable for what happened with the monasteries....

Aside from Thomas, I don't like how Gardiner was portrayed. I've spoken about it in length, but Mantel just needed a villain and okay I guess. Historically, he was no more of a villain than Cromwell was. And Mantel butchered Wolsey and Gardiner's relationship LMAO . I won't go too into that LOL.

Gregory, was also a victim of just...terrible research or therefore lack of research. The way Mantel portrayed he and Thomas's relationship was abysmal.

So yepp...I love Wolf Hall but it isn't perfect. I hope one day, we do get another series, show, etc., that focuses on Thomas Cromwell and can do what Mantel couldn't? I don't want the Wolf Hall trilogy to be the only tudor media that examines Thomas Cromwell. I would hope in the future to see more portrayals of Thomas Cromwell.

Like, for reference, Mantel is a radical feminist/TERF and she wrote Cromwell through that perspective which I felt did him such a great, unfair disservice .

[horizon-verizon]

i feel like if it wasnt Harwin, there was always going to be another man to point at for being Jace, Luke and Joff's father. and this too, ofc, as long as they didnt have valyrian features.

If im not wrong, Jace, Luke and Joff would be the first kids to have variety of genes come to them from previous 3 generations. the arryn [as far as ive read, arryns have brown/blond hair] and the baratheon genes [black hair/dark hair]. Its completely possible that they were indeed Laenor & Rhaenyra's kids. genes have weird ways of showing up and also skipping one or two generations. this is how heredity works.

also I dont think Aemma's hair colour if given [i can be wrong here but ive read and not seen it]. also as Baratheon genes are shown to be dominant arent they? so what are the chances that Laenor and Laena didnt have the same black-white hair as their mother and didnt get any features from Baratheaon side of the family?

i maybe reaching here as im curious about all possibilities. but one cant help but think if its maesters who wrote it, wrote it differently cuz reasons ahem or really didnt know or went on off instinct?

Not that it's supposed to matter, but to humor people & put down remarks & make that point...

You're right, Aemma was never described. But from how people in court and the maesters make a deal and a stark point about Rhaenys having dark hair with "violet" eyes, I would guess Aemma also didn't deviate from her mother in Targ appearance. If she did, we'd probably have it mentioned, but I'd be fine with her coming out at least with blonde-very pale hair and any color eyes.

Rhaenys was described, as we already know. But Laena is specifically described as having "silver-gold ringlets" in F&B, after Daemon fails to get any of Rhea's assets. In the same book, Laenor is also described as having "aquiline nose, silver-white hair, and purple eyes". Like I said above, if Laena's looks deviated from the expected Valyrian/Targ looks, it probably would have been mentioned so she most likely had purplish eyes of any shade. Her daughters, identical twins, are specifically written to have purplish eyes and the Valyrian hair shade: "both had fine features, silver-white hair, and purple eyes".

I don't think the maesters lied about these people's looks bc they, especially with most of them green-leaning if not just Rhaenyra-hating, would want to emphasize how unlike Rhaenyra's kids were from every other Targ scion at the time and use every "scientific" principle of genetics-lineage the society already had to discredit Rhaenyra. Or to give a good reason as to why the court and poor Alicent were "concerned". They would want to take care to record exactly how each person looks to throw into relief how and form where Alicent and the greens based their conjectures to show how exactly Alicent and her supporters got to suggest and accrue more believers in the boys' bastardry.

Then there is the fact that Jace definitely became who he was and an effective leader partially because he wanted to show that despite the looks and doubt, he was in fact a "true" Targ for to rule. His looks would exacerbate the doubt put on him, making him as decisive as he was. Even though we could argue that he would be similar if he has the typical Valyrian features, I think that the extra sauce of looking different makes both a better story and adds a layer to the character's determination. Up to others to consider this part of the post relevant.

Finally, there specifically is the text telling us that the court (Alicent's supporters anyway) expected all three of Rhaenyra's kids by Harwin had their eggs hatch almost immediately after they were all born:

Since this measure was their silent way (the court, not the Targs) of proving paternity, which I already argued is bogus in the first place. Coming from the thought that one almost always inherits if not most of their personality and physical traits from their father instead of their mother, then the desirable or the most notable traits and abilities from their father and his family/lineage. And this belief doesn't just go for the Baratheon lineage, I'm talking this court actually hoped/believed that in general. They all wanted this not to happen because even though Rhaenys had dark hair, the princes would have been so doubted as Laenor's so much in order to make room for the belief that them nor hatching eggs was proof of their true parentage.

I also don't know if Baratheons do or don't typically have wider noses than Targs or anything more similar to the "pug nose" the boys reportedly had, but Baratheons (by the time of Daenerys) typically have gray or blue eyes. Jocelyn Baratheon canonically had dark brown eyes, so she deviated from Baratheons in that sense.

Either way, the V boys definitely either got their dark eyes from either their father and his family (the Strongs), or if one believes Laenor WAS their bio dad, Jocelyn Baratheon through Rhaenys or some distant Baratheon/Arryn ancestor/person married in. But I don't think any of these boys were Laenor's. If so, that would put greater credence to the theory that Alyn and Addam of Hull were his sons and that Laenor was capable of sleeping with Rhaenyra enough times to actually impregnate her but actively chose not to when he absolutely could have, which is fine but also puts a wrench in his ability to really be helpful to his and Rhaenyra's abilities to get on their respective thrones with little pushback from public opinion--theoretically. (With Corlys most likely breathing down his neck to impregnate her.) Or if he was pan/bisexual or "homoflexible", he could have been able to bed multiple genders, and if so, again, why not bed Rhaenyra and get the "job" done?

In order for Laenor to have had sex with Marilda of Hull several times, enough to impregnate her twice, then he'd have to be attracted to women/her, and while gay men absolutely are capable of having sex with women and some even can be attracted to one or two in their lifetime, it's clear that Laenor would rather be with his two male companions than that close to a woman.

He spent most of his time away from Rhaenyra until the doubts about Jacaerys. Why would he be more able to bed Marilda out of pleasure (again, because he has to have had sex with her more than once without it actually being a task since Marilda was not his legal wife nor an legal aristocratic woman arranged to marry and perform "duties" with) and not Rhaenyra, the cousin he's always known? Versus some random woman? (This makes sense to a anti-incrst-and-cousin-sexing society, but Westeros is not that).

It is far more likely that Laenor was the feudal gay man who just couldn't do the deed and live his own truths rather than the feudal gay man who put aside the stress of fighting oneself to have sex with one who is not attracted to/reluctance. Who thought about the political benefits of a "trueborn" heir more than said "truth"-living.

And it was pretty obvious Laenor was not ambitious or totally willing to conform to feudal Westerosi standards of masculinity or obey his father to the full breath (again, he stayed away from Rhaenyra except in final occasions at first immediately after their wedding, even if one argues that he was grieving Joffrey Monmouth he still stayed away when Corlys would def be after him to go back, hurry, and sire an heir AND he did not try to become a knight independently- he had to be so before becoming Prince Consort).

[hey-michael-young-history]

This is the last thing I wrote in my little Happy Ice Family AU.

Context is that Mom has been cleared to go on a mission for the first time in years, leaving Bing Yun in charge. She’ll only be gone for a day, but Kuai Liang has never been without her and Bing Yun is still trying to figure out this whole “active parent” thing. I hc Kuai Liang as a person who depends on routine, especially as a kid.

Vixen is Ice Mom’s code name, not her actual name.

Routine

“Hi Bába,” Kuai Liang said quietly as he came into Bing Yun’s meditation garden and hugged his legs.

When Bing Yun leaned down to look him in the eye, Kuai Liang looked away nervously.

“How was school?” Bing Yun asked, pulling his backpack off.

“Did Māma make my snack?” Kuai Liang asked.

“Māma doesn’t come back home until tomorrow,” Bing Yun reminded him.

“I know. I know.” He was scratching his ear. “But… Māma makes my snack so that I can take my pill?”

“I can make you a snack. What does Māma usually make? We can make it together,” Bing-Yun offered.

He started tugging at his earlobe. “I didn’t take it this morning. I-I. I need my snack. My snack and then my pill.”

“Calm down, Kuai Liang.”

“Bába, I need my snack.”

“Tell me what you want.”

“I- I. Māma makes-”

“Alright. It’s alright. Why don’t you go run a bath and I’ll make you a snack?”

Kuai Liang scratched his arm and looked at his feet with a very pinched expression. “It’s not bathtime.”

“Now, Kuai Liang.”

“Yes, Bába.” He said it quietly and obediently and walked up the stairs with no further argument.

That kid. Any deviation in his day and he could barely keep it together. It must have been the Omega in him. Bing Yun started looking through the backpack. It was a disaster, but he could see some semblance of a pattern. Kuai Liang had his own system. He had just pulled out a note from the school when he heard screaming.

Terrified, high pitched screaming coming from his sons’ room.

He was there in a moment, throwing open the door to see Kuai Liang staring at his bed, screaming.

“Hey, hey, hey, shhh, shh.” Bing Yun scooped him up into a hug. Gods, his small body was tight and rigid. He released paternal pheromones and Kuai Liang quieted to whimpers almost immediately.

“My bed! My blankets, my smells,” he sobbed.

“Shh, shh, I just washed everything. It smelled like a dumpster in here.”

“No! No, it’s mine! Mine! My smells!”

He scrambled out of Bing-Yun’s arms and started slamming his fists against the bare mattress. “No, no! Mine! Mine! My stuff! Māma said it was mine and I could keep it and now she’s gone and Bába hates me and… and…”

He collapsed into exhausted sobs and started ripping his shirt.

“Calm DOWN!” Bing Yun bellowed.

The volume made Kuai Liang even more frantic. “My pill, I need my pill!”

A very sour smell was filling the room. Bing Yun closed his eyes. Gods.

“No, no!” Kuai Liang started scratching himself. “Stop!”

“Come on. Come here.” Bing Yun grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into the bathroom. He was already too warm and sweating. Vixen wasn’t going to be happy about this.

The boy tried to pull his arm away and scooted himself on the floor to avoid going in. When did he get this strong? Bing Yun lifted him again and pulled him into the bathroom.

“Do you want… bubbles? Toys?” Did he even take baths anymore?

Kuai Liang was still rigid but his tears ran silently now. He looked at Bing Yun with an expression so hopeless that the Alpha wanted to punch a wall.

He settled for sitting him on the toilet while he ran water. “Do you still use your bath toys?”

The kid started twisting his shirt. He was getting red all over. Bing Yun prayed that he wasn’t working himself into another heat.

He put his hands on either side of his son’s face and turned it to face him. “What’s going on? Did you get walk yourself? Where’s Bi-Han?”

“D-d-de-d-de–” He squeezed his eyes shut and grasped Bing Yun’s hands. Kuai Liang swung his feet and concentrated.

Bing Yun waited, as patiently as he could, keeping his cool hands on his son’s face.

“D-de-deten-shh, shh, detention,” he finally whimpered. “B-B-Bi-Ha-Han.”

That fucking kid. One day, that’s all they asked. Walk him home. On the one day that they asked, he landed himself in detention.

“P-pill,” he whimpered, squeezing Bing Yun’s hands.

“You’re going to get it, don’t worry,” Bing Yun promised as he turned off the water. “Did you walk home? Or did someone walk with you?”

“Wuh-wor-wah—”

Bing Yun grabbed a cup from the sink and filled it with water. He pulled the medication bottle from his pocket.

As soon as Kuai Liang heard it, he opened his eyes and scrambled for it, almost knocking the water over.

“M-mm-mmmine!” He cried, trying to climb his father.

Bing Yun grabbed his arm but Kuai Liang yanked it, trying to bring him down. He stumbled and his warrior instinct activated. Bing Yun kept himself straight and threw his son into the door with such force that Kuai Liang’s body knocked a hole into it before pushing it off the hinges.

The boy hit the ground on his stomach and laid there in shock before curling into a ball and crying.

Bing Yun shook his wrist. Vixen was not going to be happy.

“Come on, get up,” he said, grabbing his arm again.

Kuai Liang rolled away and slowly sat up, sniffing and holding his arm. He looked at Bing Yun with fierce eyes and tugged at his hair. “Mmm-mmm-my arm.”

“How many of your pills—”

He was trying, but Bing Yun recognized the way his face was crumbling. A bittersweet smell filled the air as he began hyperventilating.

“It’s okay, just—”

He began to bawl. He tore at his shirt, his hair, and slammed his fists on the ground.

A full blown tantrum that enraged Bing Yun. Goddammit, why was he making this so hard? Take the fucking bath, take the fucking pills, it wasn’t hard to grasp.

“Calm down, little brother.”

Bing Yun looked out to see Bi-Han approaching. The young Alpha sighed as he picked up his brother and rubbed his back. “What did Mom say? You have to eat your snack and take your pill as soon as you get home.”

Kuai Liang quieted and held on to his brother, sniffing and looking around. When his eyes met his father’s, they filled with tears. Bing Yun looked away.

“C’mon, bro, let’s get you some yum yum,” Bi-Han said, hauling him back down the stairs.

—-

Bing Yun wasn’t happy to admit it but Bi-Han could command control of just about any situation.

It was too late to stop his heat from coming, but he got him to eat a few spoonfuls of applesauce and some crackers so that he could take his pill. He was still warm, still red, still upset, but he had calmed down enough that Bi-Han could help him bathe while Bing Yun tried to find a blanket, a shirt, anything that carried his wife’s scent. Bi-Han insisted that Kuai Liang take a nap in his bed.

When the teen shut the door, he scoffed at Bing Yun and went back downstairs.

“How the hell did you do that?”

“Easy,” Bi-Han answered, drinking milk straight from the carton. “You haven’t cooked yet? Didn’t he tell you that he needs to take that pill with food? Geez. Mom’s coming back home tomorrow, right?”

“Why was he so upset?” Bing Yun demanded.

“Oh, there was a small… fire on the grounds today,” Bi-Han answered. He kept his voice steady but Bing Yun recognized the slight hitch.

“Fire?” Bing Yun asked, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, uh, I really don’t want to talk about it,” he responded, scratching his neck. “The littles weren’t anywhere near it but there’s no way he didn’t feel… it.”

The conversation was making Bing Yun uneasy as well. He had far more experience in coping with it than his sons but every cryomancer was born with an intense fear of fire. His father, their grandfather, no longer showed fear. Bing Yun himself, could be around it, though he remained guarded and alert. Bi-Han was making great strides at masking the fear publicly, but Kuai Liang still panicked.

[onceuponaloonatic]

tzuyu’s birthday post finally <3 also if i already wrote about sai’s birth... no i didn’t 💕

cut for length purposes

tw for mentions of blood

Tzuyu had never really cared too much about her birthday. She didn’t hate it or anything, she just never felt like making a huge deal out of it. Her family always celebrated it the same way when she was young, she would get to eat a special breakfast and then spend almost the entire day at the dog cafe she was practically in love with not too far from her house, and then her parents would take her and her brother to the fancy restaurant she loved in downtown. While she did usually have a birthday party with her friends from school, it usually wasn’t on her birthday and usually wasn’t her favorite part of her birthday anyway. Tzuyu wasn’t the type to have a ton of friends, so the big parties where she was practically forced to invite everyone from her class were never really her thing. She preferred getting to spend her day surrounded by adorable dogs and good food, not people she barely knew or cared about.

 Explaining this concept to Sana though, had been a little hard. Sana loved birthdays. She loved getting everyone she knew together and celebrating someone on their special day. The ironic part for Tzuyu was that Sana never really seemed to have a big birthday party like that. From what she understood, Sana’s birthday fell at a time where it was hard to organize a huge birthday party, as most people were busy with their families for the holidays. Because of this, Tzuyu always tried to grin and bear the big parties Sana would try to throw for her. She was grateful the person she loved would put in so much effort for her, and she knew a subconscious part of Sana was just living out the fact she didn’t get to have huge parties like that, but they never really were Tzuyu’s thing at all. 

That is why trying to convince Sana she didn’t need a birthday party was such a careful line to walk. Sana’s due date with their first child was only two weeks after Tzuyu’s birthday, and Tzuyu and Mina had both vowed to not make Sana any more stressed than she already was. However, convincing Sana the reason she didn’t want a party was just because of the baby was hard. 

“Are you sure?” Sana sighed, cuddling up to Tzuyu while they longued in bed. “A party would be nice. We would get to see everyone one more time before the baby is born.” “My birthday is tomorrow, Sana.” Tzuyu sighed, running her fingers through Sana’s hair. They had all just woken up, but now that they were all on paternity leave, time didn’t have much of a meaning. It was pretty nice to get to spend time together, and all of them knew to savor it. Once it was over, it would never go back to being just the three of them, and that was a terrifying thought for all of them, even if they were beyond excited. “I could put something together.” Sana sighed.

“I’m okay love, really.” Tzuyu argued.

“If you're sure…” Sana trailed off.

“I’m sure.” Tzuyu kissed Sana’s shoulder while Sana wiggled around to get her feet in Mina’s lap.

“Hi.” Mina looked up from her knitting project with a giggle. “Do you need something?” “My legs hurt.” Sana whined.

“I’m sorry, but you know you shouldn’t be laying on your back like that.” Mina reminded, gently turning Sana onto her side. “I’ll massage your legs if you promise to stay like this.” “But how am I going to kiss Tzuyu if I’m on my side?” Sana asked, a smile on her face.

“I think you’ll survive.” Tzuyu giggled, moving Sana’s head to her lap. Mina got to work massaging Sana’s legs, and they all slipped into a peaceful silence. At least, until Sana tensed up in Mina’s hold. 

“Braxton hicks?” Tzuyu asked as she gently rubbed Sana’s arm.

“Uh-hum. They are getting worse as we get closer.” Sana sighed. “I’m sorry.” Tzuyu continued to gently rub Sana’s arm. “There’s nothing-” Sana was interrupted with a groan of pain. “Nothing we can do.” “It may not seem like it, but they are a good thing.” Mina recalled as she moved up to Sana’s thighs. Sana let out a pleasant sigh as Mina got to work. “Feel good?” “You are amazing with your hands Mitang.” Sana giggled. “In more ways than one.” “Hush.” Mina playfully giggled. “Sai can hear everything we say at this point. Can’t you kiddo?” Mina playfully moved closer to nuzzle her face on Sana’s stomach, and Sana couldn’t help but tangle one hand in Mina’s hair to keep her there while her other reached up for Tzuyu’s. Tzuyu easily accepted one of Sana’s hands, kissing her knuckle. Mina moved back to her job of massaging Sana, when she let out another groan of pain a couple minutes later. 

“Babe, that was pretty close together for Braxton hicks.” Mina pointed out. “I think we should start timing with the next one.” “What, you think I’m in like labor labor? My water hasn’t broken or anything.” Mina and Tzuyu could both tell Sana was beginning to panic, which would just make everything worse. “I know. It doesn’t usually happen right away, and you’ve been having these all day. It’s just a precaution.” “I agree with Mina here. Precautions are usually good.” Tzuyu added. 

“Okay.” Sana nodded. “I suppose you're right. But you better keep massaging me Myoui.” “Myoui-Chou.” Mina playfully reminded, getting her phone out and opening the clock app. The next one didn’t come for a while, but once it did Mina was sure to start the timer. “If labor is worse than this, then I have no fucking clue how Dahyun did this without drugs.” Sana sighed as Mina moved to lay next to her on the bed. “It hurts different amounts for everyone.” Mina shrugged. “Dahyun also wasn’t in labor for very long. Usually first time births take forever, but Kihyun was born within hours of her going into labor.” “I know. They almost didn’t make it to the hospital.” Sana giggled. “Which is why we are being more than a little safe.” Tzuyu interjected. “I love you and Sai, but I am not delivering our baby.” “I mean, Mina is a trained medical professional.” “Not in this.” Mina nodded. “I know some of the textbook definitions of birth and labor, but nothing about what to actually do.”

“See? The hospital staff will be infinitely more equipped to handle it. Plus, I think they will have better bedside manner.” Tzuyu shrugged. “I think you two have amazing bedside manner.” Sana giggled. “In fact, I think you guys have the best bedside manner in the world.” “That’s a bit of a stretch.” Mina laughed, nuzzling her nose with Sana’s while Sana smiled. “But, if we need to, we can get the job done.” They fell into another silence as they cuddled, but it was once again interrupted by Sana tensing up. “Seven minutes.” Mina recounted as she restarted the timer. “Okay. We should probably get ready to go to the hospital soon.” “But my water hasn’t even broken yet. Plus it’s two weeks early. It is probably just more Braxton hicks.” “I would rather go to the hospital and have them tell us that then ignore it.” Mina nodded.

“I agree.” Tzuyu nodded. “I think playing it safe is in the best interest of everyone. You get your drugs, and Mina and I get to keep our nice white sheets blood free.” Tzuyu giggled when Mina pinched her side at the joke.

“You two are… Surprisingly calm?” Tzuyu had to agree. She was expecting to be freaking out more, and she probably would be if Sana’s water had broken yet. But she found herself a lot calmer than she was expecting.

“I’m doing my best.” Mina smiled at Sana. “Don’t want to freak you out too much.” “Mitang…” Sana trailed off. Mina nodded and placed a kiss on Sana’s forehead before sitting up. “Can you help Sana to the car? I’ll get all of our stuff.” Mina offered, turning to Tzuyu as she spoke.

“Yeah.” Tzuyu nodded. “Come on Sana.” “Will you carry me?” Sana pouted. “I will drop you if we try that.” Tzuyu giggled. “Next time, when I can’t hurt our baby.” “Fine.” Sana sighed dramatically as Tzuyu helped her to her feet.

Tzuyu helped her wife down the stairs and into the car before opening the garage and turning it on. She kissed her forehead before promising to be back with Mina. 

Tzuyu finds Mina almost in tears on the floor of their bathroom. She doesn’t say anything, just wraps her up in a hug. She knew this was going to happen. 

“I’m-I’m not sad.” Mina’s voice was shaky.

“I know.” Tzuyu knew it better than anyone. Mina wasn’t sad. She was nervous. And nervous Mina tended to break down. “It’s scary.” “I just- what if something goes wrong? What if one of them gets hurt or-” Tzuyu cut Mina off with a kiss. She knew that was the easiest way to calm Mina down. “It’s going to be okay.” Tzuyu whispered. “Sana and the baby are both as healthy as possible. It’s okay to feel stressed like this, and it may even be overwhelming. I feel the same way. Fuck Mina we’ve never done this before, we have every right to be terrified. But, we just need to believe I guess. In Sai, and in Sana. And in each other, because I will be with you and Sana for every single moment of this, yeah?” Mina nodded, wiping her tears as Tzuyu squeezed her tighter. “Better?” “A little.” Mina nodded. “I love you.” “I love you too.” Tzuyu kissed Mina one more time before pulling both of them to their feet. “Crap, what about your birthday? I mean I know we didn’t have much planned but spending it in the hospital might be-”

“Mina, it’s okay.” Tzuyu nodded. “We have bigger things to focus on. And if Sai and I share a birthday, at least it will be easier for everyone to remember.” “I suppose.” Mina giggled. “Thank you Tzuyu.” “Of course.” Tzuyu rested her forehead on Mina’s, looking into the other alpha’s eyes. “Let’s go have a baby.” “Yeah.” Mina broke out into a smile. “Let’s.” xx 

Tzuyu couldn’t help the discomfort as she shifted around in the plastic hospital chair. Sana was in the bath again, and since Mina was the one helping out, they decided it would be best for Tzuyu to wait outside. Mina helping made more sense, the older girl knew more about what was happening to Sana’s body and how to deal with it. And Tzuyu didn’t want to crowd them. 

She checked her phone for what felt like the tenth time in the last five minutes. It was already almost ten pm, and they had been there since nine am. Tzuyu had to admit she was starting to feel a little tired, but she couldn’t even begin to imagine how tired Sana felt. From what Tzuyu understood, Sana was close. They had been through hours of pushing and screaming and Tzuyu was more than ready for it to be over at this point. There were a lot more silent moments than Tzuyu had initially expected, but Tzuyu was still thankful for any moments she was able to catch her breath and calm down again every once in a while. It was easy to get worked up, especially since Sana’s contractions only seemed to be getting more and more painful, and Tzuyu liked having a bit of time to catch her breath between seeing her wife in so much pain. 

After a couple more minutes of sitting in the uncomfortable plastic hospital chair in the hallway, Mina texts her to come back into Sana’s room. By this point, a nurse is pretty much glued to Sana’s side. Before, they were mostly left alone, but now they couldn’t be if they wanted to. “How is she?” Tzuyu asked Mina as her wife moved to rest her weight against her. Mina wasn’t typically one for public affection like this, but Tzuyu could tell she was just exhausted. 

“Close.” Mina whispered back. “Been fully dilated for a while, Sai is just being a little stubborn.” “And I am so done with it.” Sana was out of breath as she squeezed Tzuyu’s hand. “I’m fucking done with this. Tzuyu we are not having more kids.” Sana’s sentence was punctuated with a long contraction that had her practically breaking Tzuyu’s hand. “If that’s what you wish babe.” Tzuyu nodded. This was enough stress to last a lifetime, and she was ready to not do this again anytime soon. Mina stays silent as Tzuyu holds Sana’s hand with one hand and Mina with the other. Tzuyu thinks she almost looks ready to fall asleep, if not for the occasional grunts of pain for Sana, Tzuyu was sure Mina would be fast asleep by now. “She better not be sleeping.” Sana squeezed Tzuyu’s hand. “Mina wake up. We made this baby, we both have to be awake.” “M’ up.” Mina wiped sleep from one eye. 

“Good!”

Tzuyu was surprised how much quicker things went after that. It wasn’t much longer before the sound of a baby crying filled the room and tears were already clinging to Tzuyu’s eyes. They let Sana hold her first while they filled out some of the paperwork and got pictures for their friends and family.

“What time is it?” Sana asked not twenty minutes after Sai was born. “Twelve O’ five.” Tzuyu announced after checking her watch. When she looked back, Sana had a smile on her face.

“What?” “Happy birthday.” Tzuyu had completely forgotten with everything that had happened. “Guess you two don’t share the same birthday.” Sana gently shook the bundle in her arms. Mina had her arm around Sana as Tzuyu moved to join them, sitting on Sana’s other side and resting her head on Sana’s free shoulder.

“That’s good.” Tzuyu answered. “I’m happy. I didn’t want to take away from Sai’s special day.” “I think it would be cute.” Sana pouted.

“Trust me, Sai would hate it.” Tzuyu put one of her hands over Sana’s on the baby, tears coming back to her eyes as she touched Sai for the first time. “Imagine having to share a birthday with your mom. I understand why she would hate it.” “I was hoping she wouldn’t be born today.” Sana smiled as Mina quietly scented her. “Ever since the doctors told me I was in labor. I was hoping to everything out there that she would be born yesterday.” “Well, she was.” Mina giggled. “June 13th at eleven fourty five PM.” 

“The perfect birthday.” Sana giggled. “I mean, it’s not what I would have picked. But she also didn’t really choose to be born yesterday, she just was. But speaking of Sai, I think it’s time she gets held by her mama.” “Oh no Mina can go first-”

“It’s your birthday Tzuyu.” Mina nodded. “Go ahead.” “Are you sure?” Tzuyu asked.

“Please.” Tzuyu nodded, moving to properly sit up while holding her arms out. Sana easily handed Sai over, and that was when Tzuyu noticed a camera in Mina’s hands. She couldn't bring herself to care though as she held her daughter for the first time. Sai was so light in her arms, so tiny. Tzuyu couldn’t stop the tears from coming to her eyes.

“Happy birthday mama.” Sana whispered, tearing up herself from the sight. “Do you like your present?” Tzuyu giggled, sniffling while looking at her wife.

“It’s the best present ever.”

[boldlyvoid]

Intro to Criminal Minds: Why They Did It

Criminal Minds x MINDHUNTER AU

Spencer Reid x Margaret Carr (OC)

Part 1: Ed Kemper.

Summary: Spencer is teaching a 7-week seminar on the most interesting criminal cases, explaining their actions to understand why they took place. Only, not everyone in the audience is a student.

warnings: graphic details of a real rape and murder case, like every trigger in the book, applies to this fic so read with caution (if you watch either show you're used to it, however), it's all real and did actually happen and I don't support any of it. strangers to lovers, mutual pining, flirting, fluff, eventual smut, idiots in love, OC is Wendy Carr's daughter, her bio father is Jason Gideon

word count: 3.9K

He'd be lying if he said he wasn't having fun teaching.

He started with guest speaking, moving to special seminars a few times a year. But he wanted something more, settling for a 7-week criminal justice elective of his choosing.

Intro to Criminal Minds: why they did it. Giving Spencer an excuse to share the most intimate facts about serial offenders in a setting where no one could tell him to shut up.

14 students total signed up for the two-hour Seminar, taking place every Thursday at 11 am from September until Halloween. Over the 7 weeks, he would explain the fascinating insights of the most successful killers in the United States. Only asking that his students write about a prolific crime they find interesting by the end of term, for their full grade.

All he wanted was to read about obscure killers from around the world, from the perspective of aspiring profilers.

The first Thursday, he came prepared with his coffee a half hour before the class. He wanted to write the main points on the whiteboard in advance, nice and neatly.

To his surprise, a student was already there waiting for him. "Oh, hello,” he smiled softly.

She was sitting with a book in her hands, she pushed her glasses up her nose to look at him as he walked in. She was older than his typical student, around 35. Probably finishing up a degree or adding something to what she already had.

"Hi," she smiled at him. “Sorry, I’m early, I was visiting my mom at Quantico earlier.” She explained. "I'm not a teacher's pet or anything. Promise, I’m not even a student.”

It made him laugh slightly, correcting him like she read his mind. "It's okay, I'm Doctor Reid," he introduced himself softly.

“Margaret Carr, Peggy is also fine.”

"Pleasure to meet you," he said quickly before focusing his attention on the whiteboard.

He could feel her eyes on him the whole time he wrote, not wanting to turn around and catch her. "That's so interesting," he heard her mumble under her breath.

"Hmm?" He turned around.

"It's just that, everyday occurrences that never phase the regular person somehow cause psychopaths to kill," she read the board back to him.

"I was reading a study a while back about how psycho killers medulla oblongata is approximately 19% smaller than the average human’s. Based on the way they're nurtured as children affects if they grow up to kill. The ones that don't often end up in law enforcement and other positions of power where their psychopathic tendencies can come to play."

He was taken aback for a moment. He had never experienced a student who was like him before. Someone who just pulled facts into conversations like it was nothing.

"I read that as well," he smiled. "It is fascinating. The smallest amount of bullying and abuse from a mother or disappearance of a father figure can set them off."

"Or, on the other hand, there are people like Ted Bundy," she added. "He was well-loved and taken care of, but it went to his head. His god complex and affinity for lying led him to be incredibly charismatic and enabled his killing."

"You're very educated on this already; are you just interested in hearing me speak today?" He asked, not wanting her to leave, finding it interesting that she was there.

"Oh," she blushed. "I was going to talk to you more about it after the seminar actually."

“Okay, I’ll be waiting for you,” he felt a little giddy at the prospect.

"Thanks," she laughed. "Seriously though, I'm a big fan of your teaching style, I saw a few of your classes when my dad was teaching at the academy in 2005. It's a lot easier to remember facts if the lecturer genuinely loves what they're talking about."

"You're going to like this Seminar then. It’s basically just a way for me to get paid while unloading all the random facts I have,” he warned her with a smile.

"I know." She smiled back at him.

The rest of his students filed in slowly. By 11 am, 14 faces were staring back at him.

"Hello," he waved awkwardly. "I'm dr. Spencer Reid. For the last 12 years, I've worked with the FBI's Behavioural Analysis Unit. Catching serial offenders across the country."

He took a deep breath, letting the nerves find their way out of him. "I've been asked time and time again who my favourite serial killer is, which is a peculiar way to phrase the question. It feels morally wrong to have a favourite in the way people do with baseball players.

"I am, however, fascinated with several serial offenders' reasoning and explanation for why they did what they did. Every single killer is different, but it all comes back to 1 thing. Do you know what that is?"

They all shook their heads. “What is your relationship with your parents like?" He asked. 

Everyone in the room reacted; some students sighed, some rolled their eyes as they recalled their parents and childhoods to memory.

"When a person decides to kill, it's often never in the moment. It's in childhood. The majority of serial offender's stories start the same; their mother didn't love them, their father left. Someone at home abused them or put them down repeatedly."

"Thus, causing a hatred so primal to bubble. No matter how hard they try and fight it, the bubble always bursts. They go from fantasizing to killing in retaliation for their abuse, taking the anger out in stages."

He referred to the board. "Every killer has a stressor and a trigger—something that causes the urge to bubble and the event that causes the bubble to rupture.”

"Edmund Kemper is a fascinating example of this. He grew up with a family for the first few years of his life before his father fully abandoned them. His mother handled the situation by turning her anger onto her son; it was his fault his father left, he looked just like him, Ed was just another useless man who would never amount to anything," he emphasized the words. Hoping the class sees the effects words have on children.

"He started by cutting up dolls, stealing his sister's barbies and cutting their heads off. In his mind, he was getting out his anger and hatred for how his mother saw him. She hated men, causing him to mature with a warped idea of what women are truly like."

"His attraction to killing worsened his mother's hatred; she could tell something was wrong with him, that he didn't react to everyday situations the way he should. By the time he was ten, she was locking him in the basement for days on end, telling him he was a monster and her biggest regret."

"The change in her rage amplified his own. He hated hearing her speak. He hated the way she walked around, thinking she was better than him. That just because she was a mother and a working woman, she deserved respect and submissive’s. All he could see was a woman with a big head who needed to be humbled. This is the moment when the psychotic side of his brain blended his hatred of his mother with how good it felt to kill."

"Is that why he, you know?" Peggy cut in, running her finger along her neck as she pretended to cut her head off.

He pressed his lips together in an awkward smile, nodding. "His signature, as it's called, was decapitation. But more specifically necrophiling the severed head of his victims."

The whole class let out a disgusted noise, Peggy and Spencer making eye contact while they shrugged, it wasn't news to them.

"At age ten, he moved from barbies to cats and dogs, never leaving them around for his mother to see. While he hated her, he was also absolutely terrified of her. Breading a special type of killer. When you think of school shooters or preferential predators, what do they have in common?" He asked.

He pointed at a student in the back. "They have a specific type of victim they’re after?"

"Exactly. Most serial offenders want to go after the cause of their pain or attraction. However, Ed wasn't able to kill the source of his rage for a long time. His mother mentally abused him so intensely that he believed she was in control of him and that her opinion of him mattered. He saw her as his God, he loved her, but he also knew that he disappointed her.

"He ran away soon after to find his father. Travelling to California, only to be told he was unwanted there as well. It wasn't just his mother that his father was escaping; it was the fundamental aspect of family that he didn't want. Ed defiantly didn't want to go back to his mother after that, so he moved in with his paternal grandparents."

He kept catching the looks on Peggy's face. She knew the story already, waiting patiently to hear the words he chose to make the horrific acts seem a little more conversational.

"His grandmother was exactly like his mother. If I had to guess, his father most likely had a distaste for his own mother and thus divorced Ed's mom. Only he never grew up to be a killer, just an absent father—his absence doing to Ed what never happened to him."

"Ed killed his grandparents when he was 15. Telling the police and his therapists that they had beaten him constantly, they refused to feed him and called him names. He said he snapped from the trauma; it was self-defence."

Peggy laughed to herself, making him smile softly. "Sending him to a mental hospital instead of a juvenile facility was the worst thing they could've done for him," Spencer added.

"Why?" A student asked.

"Ed is a psychopath." He reminded them. "He doesn't feel empathy the way we do. You can admit that you feel bad for him, yes? If you understand why he killed people, it doesn't make you sick, like him, it makes you human. You see a hurt person hurting others; Ed Kemper sees himself as a new sort of God, choosing who dies, how and when."

"He was brilliant, having the exact IQ as I do," just a humblebrag, "the staff trusted him. He looked like an innocent boy, smart enough to take matters into his own hands for the betterment of his life. They gave him computer privileges, they let him work the front desk and file patient information. Giving him all the resources to learn about who he was inside and how to get away with it perfectly."

"Damn," another kid added. "When did he get out?"

"At 21.” He answered the student quickly. “Ed was interviewed by my mentor Jason Gideon, in the 70s. Where he explained that being locked up during his sexual prime, as well as the access to information, is what truly set him off more than his mother.

"He moved back in with her and his sister when he came out of the institution, immediately returning to the constant ridicule. He went from being told all the time that he was a smart and charming young man, capable of rehabilitation to a useless, no-good son, who would have been better off collecting in a condom or running down her leg."

The whole class laughed, shocked at his repetition of Ed's mother's words.

"He got his licence when he was released. And remember, this was prime time for hitchhiking in California; everyone and their mother walked the roads with a thumb in the air. It was the birth of free love and recreational marijuana usage. It was also the best hunting ground for a learning serial killer."

"He was able to pick women up, but like I said, missing his sexual prime while in an institution made him almost impotent. He didn't know how to speak to women; he had to create a fantasy in his mind every time, one that involved killing, before he could look at a woman."

"How did he get them in his car then?" A voice asked from the back.

"He was 6'9, 300lbs; he looked like a big teddy bear. And his mother was the local college administrative assistant, so the whole town knew him anyway. If Ed offered to give them a ride, it wouldn't be that bad, right?" Peggy turned around to face the class as she explained for Spencer, who just shook his head.

"He only wanted to rape the victims, originally," Spencer added. "But he couldn't. There was no release of the tension. The bubble that had been growing inside him was at its breaking point; he needed to just do it. Get it over with and move on."

"He killed 6 women in succession after that. Gaining the name "The Co-Ed Killer," well before anyone even suspected Ed Kemper," Spencer took a sip of coffee, feeling his throat start to dry as they reached the insane part.

"He was overly friendly with the cops; he wanted to get his record expunged and join the force.” Spencer finally continued. “Being told, "don't worry about your record, worry about your weight.""

"Most killers enjoy wearing a uniform for the power and talking to the police about their cases, in the hopes of gauging how smart they really are—taking pride in the fact that they are getting away with it for so long."

"He watched all the cop shows, and he read all the books. He knew that in order to get away with it, he had to do it where no one could trace it back to him. He knew he had to keep his cool and avoid looking obsessed with the case, but just curious enough to gain insight into how they thought he was doing it. It went on for years, and they had absolutely zero leads, finding headless bodies every few months before they finally received a call." He left them hanging, walking over to his sheet of paper and pretending to read it while they anticipated the catch.

"Ed always knew that he wanted to kill his mother. He just never knew when,” Spencer teased the story along. Noticing as the students fidgeted in their seats as they wondered what happened next.

“In his interview with Gideon, Ed said that he knew she would die 7 days before he killed her. He walked into her room that night to find her reading, with the audacity to ask if he wanted to come in and chat all night. Teasing him for the way he rambled to her. It was the last time she ever did that."

"It's hard to imagine his signature with the fact his second last victim was his mother," Peggy added, cringing at the thought.

"Wait," another student interjected. "Who was his last kill then if he only really wanted to kill her?"

"Remember how I said he lacked empathy?" Spencer asked. "He loved his mother in the same way a prisoner can end up loving their captor."

Peggy nods at the comparison, looking like she's never thought of it that way before, then smiling at him.

"You grow a bond through the trauma and when the only thing you've ever known is violence and hate, you don't know what to do when that's gone, it's hard to cope."

"He said he killed his mother so that she never had to know what he did. She'd never have to sit at his court hearings or be able to tell the media that she always knew he was a killer."

"His last kill was his mother's best friend," He finally answered the question.

"He didn't want his mother to be even more disappointed in him, but he also didn't want his mother's best friend to find her like that and be upset. So the obvious answer to him was to kill her too."

"What the fuck?" He heard a couple of kids say under their breath.

"Yeah," he agreed with an almost chuckle. "This is what I mean by their answers are fascinating. It makes so much sense to them; clearly, if I kill my mother, her friend will be upset, so the best answer would be to put her out of her misery as well. He sees them as objects, like a matching set. One would lose value without the other."

Everyone was silent then. The students took in all the information they had just received, staring up at him with a look of disgust mixed with wonder.

"Any questions?"

Peggy raised her hand for a change; he pointed towards her in approval. "You missed the part where he specifically took the heads from the three women before his mother and brought them back home with him. He buried them in the yard outside her bedroom window, making sure they were always looking up to her."

Spencer was amazed that she knew the details. "Yes, I guess I did."

"I always found that part particularly interesting in this case," Peggy added. "Her opinion mattered so much to him. He knew how much she loved her co-ed's and how they looked up to her so much. They'd be exactly like her. He felt trapped in a town of women who were exactly like his nightmare, and his response was to make them physically look up to her for the rest of her life."

"Exactly." Spencer smiled. "understanding how he sees the situation and how the events played out in his mind is the key in figuring out who he is."

"If you were on the case in '72 when the first victims were discovered, how would you have handled it, Dr. Reid?" A male student in the back asked in the silence between answers, taking his shot before Peggy and Spencer went any further in their discussion.

“That's a hard thing to answer, connecting evidence back then was a lot harder than it is today, if it wasn’t for men like Ed there wouldn’t really be this many answers,” Spencer said honestly.

Another student put her hand up, “what’s the worst thing he did in your opinion?”

That racked his brain, there was a handful of horrific things he did that were particularly horrific, “probably his mother's entire murder.”

“What did he do?”

Before Spencer could answer he saw Peggy open her mouth and start explaining. “He not only cut off her head and fucked her neck, but he also took her vocal cords out and shoved them down the garbage disposal. And before he called the cops, he cleaned everything up and made her look presentable because he said his mother wouldn’t want guests to see the mess.”

The class all cringed, sinking into their seats with disgust. But that didn’t stop Peggy from explaining it all further.

“He used to go to a bar all the cops went to and he would talk about his case. They would always one-up themselves and say they were close which gave him this false idea that they were on his tail and they’d find his mother soon. But when they didn’t, he called it in from a payphone and said he’d come over and explain it all. And boy did he ever, the cops said he wouldn’t shut up. And then when they put him in the cop car finally, a woman walked past him and he threw up.”

Spencer watched her with awe, the way she could call information to memory like that was beautiful. He listened to her like he’s never heard a fact before, she was so intriguing.

“Thank you for the detail,” he teased her lightly. “Sometimes I get so caught up that the really gross parts get swept aside.”

The class smiled at him, he had gained their trust and attention within only 1 hour of class.

“I know you said you don’t have a favourite,” another student asked from the back. “I agree it’s weird, but who is the one you gravitate towards the most?”

“I’ve met hundreds of serial killers, I’ve read about thousands,” he explained. “I think Ed Kemper is the one I gravitate the most around because he was so willing and open to explaining why he is the way he is. Going as far as to say that the only way they could keep women safe is to give him a lobotomy. He didn’t believe there was any correcting to be done, only removal of the evil within him.”

He heard slight mumbles as everyone took in what he said. “Does anyone here have a killer or a case that interested them in learning more, or just introduced you to the chase of justice?”

Peggy put her hand up, “I personally think BTK is the scariest, most tactical, and just downright evil man to ever exist. He scares me to no end but he’s so interesting to learn about.”

“Ahh,” Spencer agreed. “Too bad you won't be here for week 3. But with that I think I’ll end the class, next week we’ll be discussing the difference between Ted Bundy and Richard Speck.” He nodded lightly, watching the majority of them close their books and had on out.

“I really enjoyed the class,” she said softly. Holding her purse in one hand, a collection of files in the other.

Spencer turned to look at her then, smiling right back. “It was a pleasure to teach alongside you.”

“What do you mean?” She teased, “it’s not like my mom and dad were the ones who did all the interviews."

“Carr,” he repeats her last name. The gears turning in his mind as he brings all the information forth.

“Your mother is Wendy Carr, she was recruited after the BTK case with Bill Tench, she’s who was behind that study you mentioned.”

“I know,” she smiled.

“Who’s your father?”

“Guess,” she looked at him with an unimpressed look on her face, pushing her glasses up slightly.

“You’re kidding? Gideon never said he had a daughter let alone a,” he stops himself before he can embarrass himself any further.

She smiled at the implication of his words, “but he’s told me all about you Dr. Reid, that’s why I'm here.”

“You need help with a case and I’m the only agent in Virginia currently,” he pressed his lips together awkwardly. Knowing it was too good to be true that she would have any interest in him in the slightest.

“No actually, I have a case I’ve been working on privately and I need some help. I asked my dad but he said you’d be able to help me the best. I agree,” she corrected him softly. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I was a big fan of yours. When I would sit in and watch his lectures, before he knew I was his kid, you would always step in at the best parts, adding the smallest details to the story that the average person would forget. It’s magnificent.”

He laughed slightly, tugging at his collar as she complimented him. “Thank you, you’re quite magnificent as well,” he replied with a blush and a smile

She didn’t look like Gideon, probably because she smiled so much. Like sunshine on legs, she beamed, all but blinding him with her smile as she stared at him, “do you want to get lunch and go over this case with me?”

“I’d love to.”

taglist: (message me if you want to be added or removed)

@shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @calm-and-doctor @blanchardsbk

[plaidbooks]

SFW Alphabet - Rafael Barba

I’ve been meaning to do this for forever--it was bugging me having the rest down and not Raf’s (I still need to do Mike’s at some point, too whoops).

Taglist: @witches-unruly-heart @beccabarba @thatesqcrush​ @itsjustmyfantasyroom​ @stardust-fray @permanentlydizzy​ @infiniteoddball​ @ben-c-group-therapy​ @glowingmess​ @whimsicallymad​ @lv7867​ @storiesofsvu​ @cycat4077​ @shroomiehomie​ @glimmerglittergirl​ @alwaysachorusgirl​ @dianilaws​ @averyhotchner​ @mrsrafaelbarba​ @crowleysqueenofhell​ @detective-giggles​ @dreamlover31​ @prurientpuddlejumper​ @madamsnape921​ @joanofarkansass​

(gif by @minidodds)

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Rafael shows his affection in a different way than most. He’s slow and unsteady while trying to open up to you. He needs your help (and patience) to let more of his affectionate side out. He’s definitely a gift giver, showering you with expensive gifts, or a fancy dinner, or a high-class show. But the more he gets used to you, the more he’ll switch from gift giver to physical touch. Cuddling with you, rubbing your calves or shoulders, playing with your hair.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

It started at work, whether you’re a paralegal, lawyer, or detective. You had a particularly snarky response to Rita, leaving her speechless (for once), and Rafael was quick to find out if that was a fluke or if you were that quick-witted. As much as Rafael seems like an egotistical jerk, he’s actually a very good friend. He’s the one you can vent to, or go get a nightcap with, no matter what time it is. He also has amazing advice for almost all situations.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

At first, you have to initiate it. Rafael does love it, but he’s afraid of looking too soft. Once he realizes you’re not running from him, then he’s incredibly touchy, wanting to hold you or be held by you at all times. He’s a big fan of laying on the couch, with you laying on top of him, your body weight comforting.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Rafael wants to settle down, but he needs to be absolutely sure that you’re not going to leave him. He’s afraid of his heart being broken again. But, once you’re in, he’s in, too. He’s been used to cooking for himself for a long time, so he begrudgingly likes it. That is, until he sees how you light up at eating his food; then he likes it more. He hates cleaning—his motto is if nothing is dirty, he doesn’t have to clean. He’s very much a “clean up after yourself” person, his loft immaculate. You don’t mind doing dishes, since he cooks, and you normally do the laundry, but only because Rafael barely has dirty laundry. And if he does, it goes to dry cleaning—except for the odd polo shirt or sweats.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

In person. Rafael has a tight-lipped grimace, upset that it didn’t work out. He’ll stay strong, but you can tell that this hurts him as much—if not more—than it hurts you. He’ll also go to your place to do it, so that if you cry, you’re not out in public, nor do you have to travel home.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

It takes Rafael a while to get married. He moves much slower in a relationship, afraid that if he goes too fast, you’ll be close enough to hurt him. But, once you get past his walls, he’s pretty quick to do the other things, such as moving in together and planning a future.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

At first, Rafael’s not gentle. He doesn’t go out of his way to hurt you or anything, but his sarcasm and arrogance has been a defense mechanism for so long, it’s hard to abandon it. Plus, his public self is what he thinks people want from him, so he hides behind that façade. But again, once you can get him to lower those walls, then you’ll find a hurt, emotional man. That’s when he’s most gentle; when he’s vulnerable.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Shockingly, Rafael is a big hugger! Since he’s too afraid to cuddle too quickly, he makes it up with hugs. He wraps his arms around your shoulders, tugging you against his chest, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. His solid body is comforting, especially with that citrusy cologne he wears.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It takes Rafael a long, long, long time for him to admit he loves you, even to himself. You can say it, and he’ll get choked up, hugging you close and kissing your cheek. He mutters something, and you assure him that he doesn’t have to say it back if he doesn’t want to; you understand. But he shows you that he loves you in every little thing he does. He may also write it down on a sticky note—left on the mirror when he goes in early—before he says it out loud.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Rafael gets very jealous, but it quickly changes to insecurity. What do they have that he doesn’t? Then he’ll start listing his faults in his mind, and it makes him even more sad. If he gets you back before the insecurity happens—while he’s still jealous—then he’s pushing you against the wall and reminding you who you belong to. If you come back to him when his insecurity is running wild, then you need to remind him that you love him, and only him.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Rafael’s kisses are soft, tender, and somewhat desperate…as if you’re going to pull away from him at any moment. (I wrote a HC about his kisses here). He likes to kiss your forehead; he feels it’s more intimate. But also your spine; he loves the feeling of you moving against his mouth. He loves when you kiss his tum—he’s a little insecure about that section of his body, so when you kiss him there? He melts.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Babies…not great. Rafael has no paternal instincts at all and he doesn’t know how to interact with them. But once they start talking, and understanding what he’s saying, he’s better. He’s the type of guy that talks to children as if they’re people, treating them with respect. And he loves to teach them things (especially things that will shock adults).

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Usually, you don’t spend mornings together. Rafael is a “sleep as much as possible, shower, work” person. He’ll kiss your shoulder before rolling out of bed, and he’ll have coffee ready for you for when you get up. Though, if it’s a day off, then Rafael stays in bed with you, cuddling, kissing, and whispering sweet words.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

You both take nights to catch up with each other’s days. One (or both) of you will massage the other’s neck, since that’s where all the stress builds up. And then it’s cuddles o’clock, both of you wrapped around each other as you eat dinner and relax.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Rafael holds his cards close to the chest. But, by doing that, you start to learn about him indirectly. You notice that he only ever talks about his mother, and never mentions his father. You notice that he’ll apologize for something that wasn’t his fault. You notice that he tries a little too hard. You never mention these things to him, but you tuck it away, and are patient with him.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Rafael is easily annoyed but not easily angered. He’s very much a logic > emotions person, and will try and tackle any argument head on, using logic and facts. The things that get him angry, though, are usually work related. He may snap at you after a particularly rough day, but you know he doesn’t mean it.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Contrary to popular belief, Rafael’s mind is a steel trap (in Twenty-Five Acts, the belt thing was mentioned once in passing, and Rafael quickly moved on to something else without even acknowledging it). His downfall is remembering what day it is. He may know your birthday is June 3rd, but when he looks at the calendar and sees it’s June 2nd, he panics and calls in favors to make sure he has a reservation at a fancy restaurant.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

When he took you to a Broadway show. He had his arm wrapped around you, holding you to his chest as you watched—a show he’d seen a thousand times, but loved. But, when he heard you quietly singing to yourself, his heart melted. He had no idea you knew the songs, and afterwards, you both walked down the street, singing the songs together. Rafael only ever sang to his mami and abuelita…and now you.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Rafael goes above and beyond for dates and anniversaries. They’re few and far in between, and it’s to make up for ignoring you during the work week (not that you see it as him ignoring you; he’s just busy. But he thinks the worst). Every day tasks aren’t super over-the-top like dates, but he enjoys your company; you calm him after the stress of his work.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Rafael’s list of importance goes; 1) work, 2) family, 3) you. He’ll always choose work over you (unless you’re in the hospital or something, but then he uses work to get the bastard who put you there). And he’ll always choose his mami over you, as well. This has never been a problem (except for maybe some missed date nights), but the quicker you can accept that, the better.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Rafael is a fashionista at heart. This poor boy growing up in the Bronx, and now shining as a Harvard grad, has an appearance to maintain. He never felt like he “belonged” with the elites he often sees at parties and galas, but the longer he can fool them, the better.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

At first, he doesn’t need you. He’s too afraid to give you so much of himself, and he’s afraid to let you in. But once you make your way into his heart, he finds himself depending on you more and more, whether as just someone whose arms he can collapse into, or someone who will listen to him rant.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

One of Rafael’s favorite things is at night, when you’re in the kitchen (whether doing dishes or getting a drink), he’ll wrap his arms around your waist. He rests his chin on your shoulder, then sways with you. He kisses your neck and chin, making you giggle and melt further back into him. He’ll keep it up until you stop what you’re doing and turn in his arms, giving him a kiss and dancing with him.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Rafael doesn’t like clingy. He wants someone independent, as he is. He works a lot, and won’t always be there, so he wants someone who has their own life outside of him. He also doesn’t like messy people—he’s a bit of a neat freak, and he’s not going to be cleaning up after you.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Many nights, Rafael will work until he’s exhausted. He’ll go through his nightly routine before murmuring a “goodnight” and collapsing onto the bed. Though, nights like those, if you lay down close enough to him, he’ll eventually find you in his sleep and wrap around you.

[thelastspeecher]

A New Inconvenience

Wrote some more for the Marriage of Convenience AU.  Enjoy.

—————————————————————————————— 

              Ford walked through the front door.  He smiled at the already familiar sight of Stan playing with Orion and Iris in the living room.

              “Hello, my dears,” he cooed, kneeling by his children. Orion and Iris promptly latched onto him, embracing him as tightly as their tiny arms could manage.  “Did you have a good day with Uncle Stan?”

              “Miss Dada,” Orion mumbled.  Ford kissed the top of his son’s head.

              “I missed you as well.”

              “Uncy Stan took good care of ‘em, don’t worry,” Stan said breezily.  Ford scowled at him.  “What?”

              “How many times must I tell you to stop using improper language?”

              “I didn’t swear!”

              “No, you just completely butchered a word.”

              “You act like me calling myself Uncy Stan is gonna permanently screw up the way they talk or something,” Stan scoffed.  Iris tugged on Ford’s shirt.  Glad for the distraction, Ford smiled at his daughter.

              “Yes, Iris?”

              “Mama sad.”

              “…Pardon?”

              “Oh, yeah,” Stan said, nodding.  “Angie came in a bit ago, looking pretty upset.” Ford’s blood ran cold.

              “She had a doctor appointment today,” he said quietly.  Stan’s eyes widened.

              “Shi- shoot.  Maybe she just hates the doc?”

              “No.  She’s very upbeat after doctor’s appointments.”  Ford rose to his feet.  “I’m going to speak with your mother, continue playing with Uncle Stan.” Orion and Iris looked disappointed, but toddled back to Stan.

              Ford strode quickly down the hall, past the twins’ nursery and the guest room Stan had officially moved into, until he arrived at the room he shared with Angie.  The door was ajar.  Ford slowly opened it.  Angie sat on their bed.  To his relief, she didn’t seem particularly distressed, the way he’d imagine she would if she got bad news from the doctor.  She looked more conflicted, as though she hadn’t decided her feelings.

              “Angie?” he said tentatively.  Angie looked up.  She managed a weak smile.

              “Stanford.”

              “Stan told me you seemed upset after your doctor’s appointment.”  Ford crossed over to the bed and sat next to his wife.  “Is everything all right?”

              “Depends on how you define it.”

              “Angie, please don’t beat around the bush.”

              “Remember what we were doin’ ‘fore Stan showed up?” Angie asked, ignoring Ford’s request.  “How we were plannin’ to add more to our fam’ly?”

              “Yes.  But we stopped after Stan arrived.”

              “Well.  It didn’t make much of a dif’rence.”

              “Oh.  Oh, no.” Ford’s heart sunk.  “No.  You’re-”

              “I’m pregnant.”

              “We were only trying for a week!”

              “That’s all it takes, sometimes.”  Angie was maddeningly calm, but then again, she wanted a big family.  Ford pushed back the reminder that, before Stan showed up, he had also wanted a third child, hoping that having another baby would improve his marriage like the twins had.  “All I can say is I hope it ain’t twins again.  I love Orion ‘n Iris, but carryin’ two babies at once is rough.”

              “How could this have happened?” Ford moaned, putting his head in his hands.

              “You know.  You were there.”

              “Why are you taking this so well?” Ford snapped. Angie crossed her legs, tilting her head thoughtfully.

              “Well, I figure, can’t do much ‘bout it now. Stressin’ will only make things more difficult on me and the baby.”

              Yes.  Stress was the source of some of her complications with the twins.  Ford closed his eyes, terror suddenly surging through him.  Angie’s first pregnancy had been difficult for them both.  It might make me a coward, but I don’t know if I can do that again.

              “Stanford?”  A hand was gently placed on Ford’s back.  “Talk to me.”

              “I…”  Ford stood up.  “I think I need to go for a walk and clear my head.”

              “All right.”  Angie continued to be infuriatingly level-headed.  “But durin’ this walk, please don’t grab one of yer cigarettes that ya think ya keep hidden so well from me.  I can barely tolerate that smoke smell when I’m not pregnant.”

              “I recall.”  Ford frowned at her.  “You knew I picked up smoking again?”

              “Oh, darlin’, yer not nearly as sneaky as ya think ya are,” Angie said with a smile.  Ford managed a small smile of his own.  He leaned over to kiss Angie on the cheek.

              “I’ll be back shortly.  And I won’t smell of cigarette smoke.”

              “Thank you, dear.”  Ford left the bedroom and headed for the front door.  Before he could leave the house, however, Stan, still supervising the children in the living room, spoke up.

              “What’s going on, Sixer?”

              “Oh.  Well…” Ford looked over at his twin. Stan was uncharacteristically nervous.

              But then again, he’s quite fond of Angie.  Who wouldn’t be?

              “Angie’s fine.  She just got some unexpected news.  I’m going to go on a walk.  I’ll be back in about ten minutes.”

              “Oh.  Okay. Uh, have a good walk, I guess.”

              “I’ll do my best.”  Ford walked outside, down the front steps, and began to make his way down the street.  He hadn’t even gotten a block away, however, when there was a shout behind him.

              “Hey, Ford, wait up!”  Ford looked over his shoulder.  Stan had left the house as well and was jogging to catch up with him. “Figured you could use a walking buddy,” Stan said once he was by Ford’s side.

              “The children-”

              “Angie said she was gonna watch ‘em.”  Stan cocked his head curiously.  “You seem pretty high-strung right now.  What’s going on?”

              “I…”  Ford sighed. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and began to walk again.  Stan began to walk as well.  “Angie’s pregnant.”

              “Oh.”  Stan blinked. “Okay.  Not what I was expecting.  But why are you in the same boat as me?  I thought you said that the only reason you and Angie knock boots is to have kids.”

              “You showed up, resulting in us ceasing our…conception attempts after only a week.”

              “Ford, it only takes one time.”

              “I know!” Ford burst out.

              “Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Stan said soothingly. He put his arm around Ford’s shoulders. “Do you not want another kid?”

              “I honestly don’t know, Stanley.”

              “You clearly wanted one at some point.”

              “I…”  Ford’s head drooped.  “I didn’t. Not really.”

              “Then why the hell were you trying to have one?”

              “…I don’t want to tell you.”

              “C’mon.  I’m not gonna judge you.  You have the authority to kick me outta your guest room.”

              “I thought it would benefit my marriage,” Ford mumbled.  Stan came to a sudden stop, staring at Ford.  Ford stopped as well.  “What?”

              “You- you wanted to have another kid because your marriage was on the rocks?” Stan whispered.

              “Well, to be fair, the conclusion was rooted in evidence.  Angie and I struggled a lot our first year of marriage, but when Orion and Iris were born, our relationship became much better.”  Ford shrugged.  “Recently, we started arguing over minor matters, becoming frustrated, even sleeping in separate beds.  I merely decided to revisit a potential solution that I knew worked.”

              “Stanford, you decided to have a baby just to save your relationship.  That’s- that’s fucked up.”

              “What happened to not judging me?”

              “I said that ‘cause I didn’t think you’d do something so damn stupid!  You wanted to make another human being.  Because you were fighting with your wife.”

              “What’s done is done, Stanley,” Ford snapped.  “I can’t reverse it.”  He could feel hot shame pulsing through his body.  Until Stan had pointed it out, he hadn’t considered how careless the decision to have another child was.

              He’s right.

              “I mean…”  Stan rubbed the back of his neck.  He looked away awkwardly.  “It’s early enough that if you want, you could reverse the baby.”

              “You- you mean Angie terminating the pregnancy.”

              “…Yeah.”

              “Even if I wanted to do that, which I don’t, Angie never would.  She’s not against others doing that, but she personally won’t.”  The issue had come up when Angie was pregnant with Orion and Iris. The doctor voiced some concern over Angie’s low weight and nutrient levels, and suggested they reduce the twins to a singleton.  Ford had to stop Angie from slapping the doctor.

              “Fine.  What about adoption?” Stan suggested.  “I bet there are a lot of people out there who would love to have a smart, cute kid. I know I would.”

              “Give up my child?”  Ford thought back to the day that Orion and Iris were born.  The surge of love and happiness at seeing their extra fingers and toes.  How thrilled he’d been to see the distinctive birthmark on Orion’s back that resulted in his name.  Running his fingers through Iris’s bright red hair for the first time.

              If I gave up my child, I’d give that up, too. Like a prophetic vision, images came to Ford’s mind.  A newborn girl with Angie’s nose and his eyes, wispy brown hair, and a laugh that could melt the stoniest of hearts.  Tears sprang to Ford’s eyes.  I can’t even stand the idea of missing out on my third child’s life. When the day comes, I’d never be able to place her or him for adoption.

              “No,” Ford said finally.  He shook his head.  “No, I can’t do that.”

              “Sounds like you made up your mind, then,” Stan said.

              “Heh.”  Ford managed a small smile.  “I suppose I did.”  He looked at Stan.  “Thank you, Stanley.”

              “Hey, I’m here to help you and Angie out,” Stan said with a shrug.  “This is just part of that.”  He grinned. “And if I get a new niece or nephew outta this, I’m not gonna complain.”

              “Even though, as the live-in nanny, you’ll be responsible for her or his care once Angie and I run out of parental leave.”

              “Eh, I can handle it,” Stan said confidently. Ford raised an eyebrow.

              “Newborns are very different from toddlers, you know.”

              “Angie can show me the ropes before I ever get left alone with the kid.”  Ford bristled instinctively.

              “Angie and I split responsibilities evenly. Just because she’s a woman, I won’t be saddling her with the majority of childcare.”

              “Whoa, I didn’t mean it like that!” Stan said, holding his hands up in defeat.  “I just- Angie’s- Angie’s pretty great.  And- and maternity leave is longer than paternity leave anyways, right?  She’ll probably be spending more time at home than you.”

              “Yes, she will have more time off than I,” Ford confirmed.  Stan nodded.

              “Yeah, that’s what I was getting at.”  Stan cleared his throat.  “Anyways, uh, we should probably get back.  Orion and Iris get fussy around this time.”  Ford nodded.

              “That sounds like a good idea.”  He and Stan turned around and began to walk back home. “Angie and I will have to come up with some names.”

              “Easy.  Stanley.”

              “What if it’s a girl?” Ford asked, genuinely concerned about what Stan would say.  The answer was immediate.

              “Staniella.”

              “And you claim Orion is bad.”

[seerofmike]

The Writing In Apex Kinda Sucks And Also They Use Ship Bait As A Plot Device I Hate It Here

a stupid essay/rant encouraged by @zombiegloss that originally started as a youtube video script so if its like. weird at points. this was intended to be a verbal rant SNZISKSIA

basically i'm gonna talk abt the caustic-wattson-crypto relationship drama and how i think it was mishandled and how much the writers kind of Suck because i Can

you are free to disagree with me on any of my points and think that this aspect of the story was handled well, this is just my opinion, and i'd love to hear your thoughts and counterpoints !

first, addressing some things:

i know this is a battle royale and not necessarily a story-based game, so i can’t expect it to have masterful witcher-style writing.

but with the direction the game seems to be going; putting quests, evolving interactions, and comics in the game, plus coming out with a lore book and hinting at something bigger in the future, i think it’s fair to criticize it for lackluster writing, especially since what i’m criticizing has been something present since Apex’s story technically began.

secondly, i am not a professional writer. i’m a high schooler who writes as a hobby. i don’t have the decades of experience that some of the apex writers do, and i can’t claim to be a better writer than they are--but i also don’t have to be a five-star chef to realize that something tastes bad. when i critique something and give suggestions, i am not saying i could’ve done it better. i’m just bringing up what i think could have worked.

third, before i upset anyone , when i say a relationship is badly written, i’m not telling you that you can’t ship it or that your ship sucks. i’ll briefly touch on the shipping aspect of this and how it’s a detriment to the story but Ye

okay, so with that out of the way, let us Begin

relationships are often the emotional core of a story, and how strong your reaction is to conflict in these relationships depends on how the story sets them up. if you want the audience to care about these characters and what they go through, you need to develop them and establish the type of relationship they have well. it’s why so many people cried in the last episode of telltale’s the walking dead. you’ve spent roughly 12 hours bonding with clementine and protecting her, and your relationship with her is part of several story beats as well as character beats for lee. 

when these two characters’ relationship reaches its peak at the end of the game, it’s powerful, and it’s emotional. you care. you feel something, and the fact that you have to choose what to do to lee only makes it more gut-wrenching. 

now, the walking dead is entirely story-based and especially character-driven, so it may be unfair to compare it to apex, but i just wanted to lay the groundwork down for what i think is a strong relationship that makes you feel something when conflict arrives, in this case the conflict being lee getting bit and clementine having to decide his fate.

the broken ghost in general is kind of not-good sometimes, tom casiello previously wrote for soap operas and you can really, REALLY tell sometimes.

this story feels like it should’ve taken place a little later, and that we should’ve had a season to actually set up the characters and their relationships, but that’s a story for another day.

to put it bluntly, the set-up for the crypto, wattson, and caustic conflict is done poorly. for caustic and wattson's relationship it’s a little better, but not by much. 

wattson and caustic having a relationship was hinted at in season 2, when her lore indicated that caustic was among one of the Legends who comforted her after her father died. In season four lore materials posted on Twitter, an email from Jacob Young states that Caustic is acting paternal towards Wattson. In season five, interactions get added to the Game, and this is the first time we actually see their relationship in action, as they have unique revive voice lines for each other. in the quests, when wattson is injured, caustic lashes out at loba and attacks her out of what seems to be anger at wattson’s current state.

Side Note this plot point was really stupid and done for cheap drama because she literally wakes up like two chapters later and they don’t even give her anything to say it’s just suddenly oh yeah crypto and wattson are working together. the same exact injury thing happens to octane later but nobody gIVES A SHIT because again, it’s just cheap soap opera drama.

their relationship might seem a little bit sudden for anyone who wasn’t on top of twitter lore drops, but like, it’s okay, i guess. i’ll give it the slightest credit for at least establishing something between the two in terms of voice lines and stuff, even if for some it might seem like it came out of nowhere.

what did come out of nowhere, though, was crypto and wattson’s friendship. in the quests, crypto and wattson are tasked with rebuilding the broken ghost because of their respective skills, and they’re seen talking in chapter six while they work on it. we’re not really given a clear timeline on how long the story in the broken ghost is, but i think it takes about a week, maybe.

unlike wattson and caustic, their relationship has been given absolutely zero material to work with before now, not even a passing glance in the trailers--which is a little weird considering crypto took down the repulsor tower and destroyed wattson’s home, but. Whatever.

tl dr of the chapter: crypto and wattson talk to each other while doing nerd shit, crypto laughs at wattson’s bad pun, and then suddenly they’re BESTIEEEES, until a couple dozen lines later in the same chapter. then they’re Not.

crypto’s drone gets hacked by revenant while everyone was kind of on edge after the reveal of a spy in their midst, he gets framed as the spy by caustic, anddddd wattson gets upset.

before i get into how dumb this storyline is, i’m gonna talk about the set-up to this conflict.

we have been given no reason to believe that these characters have ever talked to each other, and quite frankly, their friendship doesn’t really make sense.

ignoring the fact that crypto destroyed wattson’s home--which she probably doesn’t know about, so that’s forgiven for now--crypto is a paranoid guy. in the lore book he makes people stand on fucking footprints in his house so he can scan them for weapons and listening devices, and he apparently doesn’t stick around much after the games and nobody knows anything about him because he doesn’t talk to them.

a key part of crypto’s story is the fact that he is undercover and afraid of anyone finding out anything about him ever. him becoming friends with wattson kind of comes out of the blue, and we’re not even given a reason as to why they supposedly became close in the first place. i would kind of understand if like, maybe he draws parallels with her and mila in his mind and it makes him open up a little more, but that doesn’t happen. he just laughs at her joke and suddenly they’re friends.

maybe they’re trying to go for this ‘wattson can become friends with anybody’ angle, kind of hinted at with caustic but not really we’ll get into that, but that also? kind of doesn’t make sense since so many of her voice lines straight-up say she doesn’t understand people and electricity is more her thing, but honestly, she also does have those really friendly elements in her voice lines too, so its not as egregious as what they did with crypto.

their sudden out-of-the-blue friendship would’ve been fine if they spent a little more time fleshing it out, and giving us something to work with, but instead, the story immediately tries to rip it apart and frame it as this grand conflict where crypto is framed as the mole, crypto then accuses caustic, and wattson feels betrayed.

except it doesn’t really work, because we don’t give a shit. for several reasons. 

one: crypto and wattson became friends and then ended their friendship in the same exact chapter. they did not speak to each other onscreen until this chapter began, you can read the entire quest on the wiki and see for yourself that their interactions up until that point were nonexistent aside from mentions in the narration that they were building something together.

the reason wattson feels betrayed is kind of stupid too. why does she really care that much if one of them betrayed loba? nobody else really cared about the fact that one of them was a spy, in fact, nobody even seems to like loba that much, and they just found out that loba’s been lying to them this whole time, and wattson was conscious for that conversation and had a speaking line, so she’s fully aware of the situation. 

maybe it’s just like, the idea that one of them lied, but that’s still kind of a weak reason. 

this entire betrayal thing is just dumb, and it gets even worse when you realize that there could have been an actual legitimate reason for wattson to feel betrayed by crypto--even if it still would’ve come across as weak conflict because of their newly established friendship, it would’ve made more sense than this. 

Crypto destroyed Wattson’s home. He took down the tower and then all the flyers and stuff invaded Kings Canyon and made it their bitch. Not only that, but Wattson considers the Syndicate her family. The Syndicate are the very people who framed Crypto for murder and he’s trying to take them down. 

They could’ve set up actual conflict with these things, and it almost seemed like they would, because Caustic briefly brings up that Crypto could be working with Revenant because he has something against the Syndicate but then that doesn’t really go anywhere and we’re just back to Wattson feeling betrayed because either Crypto or Caustic was a spy and she doesn’t know who.

Weak conflict could’ve been made better by a strong relationship and a weak relationship could’ve still been interesting with strong conflict, but both the relationship between Crypto and Wattson and the conflict that drives them splitting up as friends were really weak and didn’t make much sense. 

It would’ve been ten times more interesting if Wattson found out Crypto ruined her home, the arena she grew up in, and was now participating in the Games to take out the people she regards as her family. That’s where her distrust could’ve manifested and conflict could’ve began, but instead it was the stupid betraying loba thing. why do you care. you just started talking to this guy like 2 hours ago.

also caustic’s whole reason for framing crypto feels stupid as fuck. he didn’t just frame crypto randomly, he framed him specifically because he doesn't want him to influence wattsob because he likes her Big Brain, but this is the FIRST time we have seen those two interact. 

what influence is he talking about? wraith and wattson have been shown to be friendly with each other in the trailers, according to tom’s tweets, and in the story too so why doesn’t he frame her? at this point the audience had slightly more build-up for those two’s relationship than crypto and wattson and a betrayal storyline would’ve felt a little more deserved if still weak.

this is the point where i briefly want to touch upon shipping, and the fact that part of this conflict feels driven by shipbait. 

aside from their relationship coming out of nowhere and the writers trying to make the stakes seem high and deeply emotional to the characters involved (despite this essentially being the first time they’ve ever interacted) tom casiello literally addresses shippers in a tweet regarding chapter seven, and as the story between these characters progresses, it becomes clear to me, at least that the crypto-wattson thing is just bait for shippers, and it’s lazy. 

it’s easy to get away with giving your characters little to no relationship development if you’re just counting on shippers to do the heavy mental lifting for you

why should i put any effort into making this relationship seem believable? people are going to see a young guy and a young girl having bare minimum interaction and assume there’s romantic interest! then i don’t have to do any work, see look, it’s a ready-made relationship wrapped in a bow for me! all that’s left for me to do is give them conflict so i can keep teasing shippers with lines like ‘you never deserved her’!

i think it’s reasonable for me to suspect shipbait, since tom casiello likes doing darksparks shipbait on twitter, and i’m like, eighty percent sure mirage and bloodhound suddenly being childhood friends in the book is shipbait too, because these characters were the number one ship in apex for a long time despite little to no interaction, and then all of a sudden in the lore book they’re childhood friends despite this literally never being mentioned before?

like bloodhound is set up to be mysterious and nobody knows what they look like, or where they’re from, or who their family is--except for mirage Apparently, who played with them when he was a kid on their home planet, and has seen them with their mask off, because bloodhound did not wear a mask when their parents were still alive.

its weird.

i’m pretty sure they’ve said somewhere they were working on this book before apex even came out, so i could just be completely wrong and they always planned for mirage and bloodhound to know each other, but if that’s the case, why did they never mention it like they did octane and lifeline?

i refuse to believe MIRAGE never brought it up either like ‘heeeeyy bloodhound remember when we used to throw eggs at our parents lab haha wanna go do to that to bangalore’s room’ 

[silence]

‘good talk buddy’

ANYWAYS I GOT OFF TOPIC. POINT IS, shipping is a detriment to the story because the writers don’t feel like they actually have to put any work into establishing or developing the relationship between characters when they know the community’s just going to do it for them anyways, and that they can put in shipbait and it’s fine and it makes sense when it really doesn’t.

imagine watching captain america civil war after not seeing a single other marvel movie.

why would you care about the avengers splitting up or tony and steve butting heads or steve’s commitment to bucky? you wouldn’t care, at least not as much as someone who’s seen all the movies and knows the relationship between the characters and why the sokovia accords exist in the first place. you don’t have context and you don’t have any reason to be emotionally invested in these characters’ relationship.

 this feels like that. the writers tried to squeeze this relationship and stuff into a single chapter and we don’t fucking care unless we were already invested in the idea of their relationship (shippers) because we barely spent any time with it.

so to summarize this little section, the set-up of this storyline Kinda Sucks! crypto and wattson barely seem to know each other, because we the audience barely saw them together and the writers are relying on shipbait in place of a relationship.

wattson and caustic are a little better but not great, but the conflict is stupid and it only gets stupider.

moving onto summarizing the rest of the broken ghost, gibraltar and caustic talk, caustic LITERALLY confesses to being the mole and says he framed crypto so he couldn’t corrupt wattson and to appear innocent because his identity was suspected, then that wraps up the season storyline.

season six begins with new voice lines, where wattson has had enough of crypto and caustic’s shit and is all passive-aggressive and going ‘this doesn’t change anything’. she has to decide who to trust, and how to figure out The Truth for herself because she’s not a little girl anymore. crypto and caustic are both trying to convince her they’re innocent and it creates some interesting conflict.

just kidding. it’s terrible conflict. you want to know why?

BECAUSE GIBRALTAR TRIED TO TELL HER THE TRUTH, RIGHT AFTER THE SEASON 5 QUEST HAPPENED, AND SHE LITERALLY REFUSED TO HEAR IT.

LIKE THERE’S A SEASON 6 LOADING SCREEN WHERE HE’S TELLING EVERYONE THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED, AND WHEN HE GETS TO WATTSON AND IS LIKE HEY I KNOW WHO THE MOLE WAS AND WHY THEY DID IT, SHE JUST GOES i dont wanna hear it. i need to think

IF YOU WANT THE TRUTH WHY ARE YOU REFUSING TO HEAR IT

SHE SPENDS ALMOST TWO ENTIRE SEASONS MAD AT CRYPTO FOR SOMETHING HE DIDN’T DO BECAUSE SHE TOLD GIBRALTAR TO FUCK OFF WHEN HE TRIED TO TELL HER WHAT HAPPENED

ITS SO DUMB

i think it was towards the end of season 6 or the beginning of season 7 where apex posted this picture of wattson asleep at her desk where she has a letter from gibraltar on it that looks like it tells her the truth, so she knows now, she knows what happened, but NOW her issue is the fact that she doesn’t know anything about crypto.

WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT IS YOUR GODDAMN DAMAGE. YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT BLOODHOUND EITHER ARE YOU THIS UPSET WITH BLOODHOUND TOO?? HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO PATHFINDER. DO YOU HATE PATHFINDER TOO

oh but she was friends with crypto and now she’s mad that he lied to her EXCEPT THEIR RELATIONSHIP WASN’T BUILT UP WELL SO IT JUST FEELS STUPID. THEY SPENT LONGER BEING NOT-FRIENDS THAN THEY SPENT BEING FRIENDS. THEY BECAME FRIENDS IN ONE CHAPTER AND THEN IMMEDIATELY AT THE END OF THAT CHAPTER THEIR FRIENDSHIP ENDED AND THEN WATTSON SPENT LIKE 2 SEASONS MAD AT HIM FOR SOMETHING HE DIDN’T DO . 

AND THE WRITERS TRIED TO RECTIFY THIS BY SAYING OH SHE’S NOT MAD ABOUT THE TRAITOR THING SHE’S MAD BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM AND IT’S LIKE WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NOT MAKE THAT CLEAR WHY DOES SHE SAY ‘IT DOESN’T CHANGE WHAT YOU DID’ IN HER VOICE LINES WHY DOES SHE CALL HIM A TRAITOR IF HER CONFLICT WAS HER NOT KNOWING MUCH ABOUT HIM . WHAT DID HE DO. 

HE JUST STOOD THERE AND LAUGHED AT HER JOKE AND THEN HE GOT FRAMED AND THEN THAT WAS THE END OF THE CHAPTER AND NOW SHES SUDDENLY LIKE IM ACTUALLY MAD BECAUSE YOURE A LIAR AND I CANT TRUST YOU EVEN THOUGH I NOW KNOW YOU WERE FRAMED I STILL DO NOT LIKE YOU AND HES LIKE YEAH THATS MY FAULT

The Caustic voicelines are stupid too, again his reason for framing Crypto was stupid and a lot of his voicelines just seem to be that shipbait thing again but like from the angle of overprotective dad who doesn’t like the new boyfriend. it’s stupid but not as egeregious as this next part which is

crypto telling wattson his identity.

CRYPTO was framed for MURDER and is paranoid and can’t trust anyone and doesn’t talk to anyone and the last time he did talk to someone he got framed for Another thing and the person he was talking to turned her back on him and actively refused to know the truth for like 2 seasons and then he went This Is Fine I Can Tell Her My Identity

the stupidest update to this storyline was crypto telling wattson the truth

why did they do it on the dropship where there are presumably syndicate members and other legends around.

why didn’t he scan wattson for listening devices like he did for pathfinder in the book.

why is he telling her his identity when he knows she has very close ties to the people that FRAMED HIM for MURDER. Does he trust her that much? WHY? They spoke to each other in a chapter and then spent two seasons not talking to each other beyond passive-aggressive BS. why are you so fucking stupid taejoon

their relationship was so poorly set-up that even if the writers maybe intended for them to come across as close friends who had spent weeks bonding, it really feels like they became friends in a single conversation, had a falling out, and now crypto suddenly trusts her with his identity after an undetermined amount of time because he wants to be friends again. 

that does not make SENSE this conflict feels contrived AS FUCK and the resolution feels even worse and unearned UGGGHHHH

it honestly comes across as crypto feeling desperate for friendship, and maybe this would’ve worked better if that’s the angle they played it as.

he’s been alone for roughly two years, and just wants a friend, and he’s honestly so lonely he just breaks down to the first person who’s really talked to him. it could’ve been an interesting little part of his character, and they could've gone into depth about how much this situation has affected him, but that’s not what they’re doing. he’s still paranoid and anxious and doesn’t trust anyone, except for wattson, because the plot needs him to or else there won’t be any stupid soap opera drama.

and to rub salt in the wound, wattson’s new voice lines with caustic have him telling her that she forgave crypto.

WHAT ARE YOU FORGIVING HIM FOR. ARE YOU FORGIVING HIM FOR BEING FRAMED? WHY DID HE HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU WHEN YOU WERE THE ONE WHO REFUSED TO HEAR THE TRUTH?

 did the conversation just go hey my real name is taejoon park and something bad happened to me and she went aight i forgive you WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

Caustic’s new voice lines to Crypto where he’s like ‘what did you tell her’--YOU TOLD GIBRALTAR STRAIGHT-UP YOUR EVIL MASTER PLAN LIKE A SUPERVILLAIN AND NOW YOU’RE SURPRISED WATTSON AND CRYPTO ARE ON GOOD TERMS NOW?!

THAT’S LIKE TELLING SOMEONE YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER AND THEN BEING SURPRISED WHEN YOU BECOME THE VICTIM OF IDENTITY FRAUD. YOU SET YOURSELF UP FOR THIS WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE CRYPTO DID SOMETHING SINISTER OR LIED OR WHATEVER. WHAT THE FUCK. WHY DO YOU HAVE LIKE 3 BRAINCELLS

this is at like ten pages already so i’m going to just try and wrap this up quickly. 

it’s frustrating seeing this storyline play out when there are actually good relationships and storylines written into apex. i’m kind of getting tired of the loba and revenant conflict, but we at least had set-up to it in the form of a few animated shorts and it doesn’t play out as stupidly as this story does. bangalore and loba’s friendship is actually developed well, even if the point between the end of season 5 and season 6 where they suddenly talk like each other feels like it could’ve used a little more. 

where crypto and wattson having an established friendship in the broken ghost failed, lifeline and octane’s established friendship works because we’ve been told since octane’s release they were childhood friends and given lore materials that indicate they’ve known each other for a very long time.

apex wants this storyline between crypto and wattson and caustic to feel dramatic and tense and ultimately rewarding when crypto and wattson did become friends for real and stuff, but instead it just comes across as hollow and empty. 

there’s nothing there. it’s a case of tell, don’t show, and it looks like this stupid conflict is gonna keep going for another couple of seasons at this rate. 

side note: this entire script was written before the new twitter comics

please tell me ur thoughts and feel free to respond with ur own lil essay

also believe it or not this is not the "shipping is a detriment to apex's story" essay i was gonna write this is a completely different essay that has some overlap SKXISOSOW

[theliterarywolf]

So... I share an Amazon account with my parents so we both reap the benefits of prime at a lower cost. My mother is the known smut reader in the family. I like dinosaurs. Amazon decide to combine our interest and offer such literally delights as taken by the pterodactyl and in the velociraptors nest. Among others...

God, I can just imagine... 'Mom..? I was trying to share my wishlist with some folks and I had to explain to them why Taken in the Butt by a T. Rex Who is Also Being Taken in the Butt is in there... Again.'

But, yeah, that's close to why I hate being the only one in my household to have an Amazon account (really, though, I only have it for stuff that no one around me has on hand). Because I remember when my distant paternal half-sister started blowing up everyone's phones about 'Hey, I wrote a book and need everyone in the fam to buy a copy so Amazon will put it on their bestseller list~'. My mother was the one to say 'oh, just buy a copy to help her out~ be a good person~'

I could have mentioned that no one from that side of the family had helped us with anything for the sake of 'being good people', but the main reason I didn't want to was because the book in question was all about how spiritual healing is more viable to conventional medicine. And I knew that, once I bought that book, my Amazon recommendations would be full of 'alternative healing, essential oil, AntiVaxx shenanigans'.

But my mother kept pushing me to do it to help out, so I eventually caved in... And, lo' and behold, my Amazon recommendations were full of 'alternative healing, essential oil, AntiVaxx shenanigans' for 3 months.

[writing-wrxngs]

First Night

(Phil n Fundy? Phil n Fundy. Best grandpa and grandson duo. Wrote a little thing on Fundy’s first night after being ditched by Eret bc I love little fox boy. Also idk if it was obvious but the reason I mention Fundy stretching so much was originally it was gonna be binder stretches but then I remembered I wrote him as a shapeshifter so he can just poof himself into a male. Kept it though bc I realized it quite late into writing)

Night fell and Phil scanned around the room one last time. “You sure you’re comfortable?” He asked.

Stretching on his new bed, Fundy nodded. “It’s warm, and I’m not alone for once. Thanks.”

Phil smiled. “I’m glad you’re happy. You’ll always have a place with me,” he said. It felt strange to say, but also natural. The boy was his grandson after all. A grandson he had barely known of before meeting, but a grandson nonetheless. The last letter Wilbur had ever sent before being swept up in the rush of being president (and later madness) mentioned that he had fathered a baby girl. In the moment Phil almost thought Wilbur was joking. In Tommy and Techno’s letters, Fundy was only mentioned once or twice, by name only. From what he’d heard, they had been forced on opposite sides of the war. By the time Phil came to the land, there was much to be explained.

Fundy seemed accustomed to people being absent in his life. The relieved smile spreading across his face seemed bittersweet. He stopped the stretches and came up to Phil, hugging him. “I don’t know how to thank you more. You don’t know how much shit I’ve been through, Phil. What you’ve done for me today…” he couldn’t finish his sentence.

“It’s okay. I’m here now. We can start from there,” Phil said, stroking his grandson’s head.

One of Fundy’s ears twitched. Another strange part of his existence. Wilbur had said Fundy’s mother was a salmon woman, a shapeshifter who had long disappeared from his life. Fundy had inherited her shapeshifting ability, but chose the form of a fox. Well, half human, half fox. “God,” he said, “I hate feeling all emotional like this. I really ought to man up.”

Phil pulled Fundy away and shook his head. “You’re enough of a man as you are.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Fundy went back to his bed and finished stretching.

Phil settled into bed, his head still full of thoughts. Fundy was just the most beaten down young man he had ever met. Additionally, Phil couldn’t help but feel partially responsible. After all, he was the direct reason Fundy was an orphan. At the same time, however, Wilbur was apparently not much of a father. That fact was disappointing to Phil. Sure, he himself was occasionally not there for his sons, Wilbur particularly so, but he did his best to raise them right. Wilbur, in contrast, seemed completely absent from Fundy’s life. How did he manage to raise Wilbur to be like that? Surely he should have known better. He had a lot of regrets as a father, many of them coming to light as he watched all of his sons drift apart and fail to act like civilized people in these strange lands. They all fell apart like unsupervised schoolboys in the high stress situations of their rebellion. Surely he could have raised them better. Other fathers didn’t have sons who were constantly at each other's throats or hating each other so much that they didn’t want to speak. Still, he did try his best. Why was his best not enough? Why did everything he did get him nothing but one dead son and two living sons who had actively tried to kill each other? It just didn’t make sense.

Fundy rolled over in his sleep, an absentminded smile on his face.

Looking at Fundy made Phil stop thinking about that for a moment. He couldn’t completely blame himself for Wilbur’s failings. Some people aren’t cut out for parenting, and maybe, just maybe, Wilbur was one of those people. Wilbur was also a very busy man during this time. As much as you want to be around your children sometimes, you have to do other things. Phil knew this well. Seeing the way Wilbur threw himself into things, it made sense that Wilbur would be so neglectful. It didn’t excuse the behavior, but still, it was a clear line of reasoning. Regardless of Wilbur’s lack of parenting ability, and whether that was from Phil, Fundy still had a litany of issues. His mother was also long gone, to who knows where. Nobody seemed to know much about her either. Fundy was too young to remember much it seemed, and anything Wilbur knew, he took to his grave. On top of it all, after Wilbur’s death, Fundy was to be adopted by an old family friend, and former traitor, Eret. Phil had not known him before coming to L’Manburg, but had heard a lot about him. He had somewhat reluctantly relinquished Fundy to him, as Eret seemed trustworthy. Everything Phil had been told about him was old news, apparently, and he was ready to turn a new leaf. Today was supposed to be the day that Fundy left Phil’s temporary care and became Eret’s son. It fell through. Someone had, yet again, let Fundy down.

Maybe it was pity, maybe it was his paternal instincts, but Phil couldn’t help but feel like doing this was the right thing. Fundy was a good kid. They went fishing together after the adoption failure, and Phil couldn't help but see the way Fundy’s eyes lit up once he got the hang of it. That little fishing trip was where Fundy finally opened up. He’d been through hell and back and told Phil all about it. All the boy really needed was some stability. He needed someone who wouldn’t leave him behind or abandon him. He could use a lot more, too, but at the moment, he just needed someone to be there for him. Phil could be that someone. He was going to be that someone.

[cloveroctobers]

YASMIN DOUGLAS—

IG info/Bio: @/imyasmin_d | 11.6k followers | hello & ahlan 🎶

23-24 years old depending on her birthday (I’m thinking too much about timelines since i know some shows aren’t live and if they filmed it prior & it’s just being shown to us now...then there’s the boat party that comes in after, you get what I’m saying right? No? Okay)

Moroccan heritage

she was born in fes along with her baba

Father works in the carpet & rug manufacturing industry and worked in his father’s business from the young age of 16

her mother is from Essaouira & has often stated that she couldn’t stand Yasmin’s father the first time they met but she wouldn’t want to travel through this life with anyone else

Her father and mother came from two different lifestyles. All he knew how to do was hard work yet he had a sarcastic but playful side to him whereas her mom came from a family that was more financially stable & she was free to do whatever! mainly hanging at the beach with her friends without a care in the world, she was privileged and a little uppity while her father’s life seemed to be planned out from the day of his birth

Yet they still fell in love and decided to leave Morocco months after they got married at 21 & 24 & not too long after they had yas they left for England

She was raised in Kent, England

The Atmosphere led to her boho lifestyle...being exposed to castles, gardens, and underground tunnels from time to time shaped her into what she felt she was meant to be. She loved her second home

they call her “yazzy”

Parents follow islam...Which Yasmin respects but is not strongly devoted to

Can speak & write in Arabic but seems to do better in writing

Her paternal grandparents fault her parents for not teaching her to excel at both & feel that if they weren’t in such a rush to leave home she would speak Arabic better

Which made Yasmin feel like shit. Her paternal grandparents were strict on keeping their customs alive whereas her maternal grandparents were carefree as long as they got to see their granddaughter alive & well that was good enough for them

Idk maybe a only child or has a older brother? I don’t feel like she comes from a big family sibling wise

her mother made her a stuffed purple sheep that she took everywhere with her as a kid & continues to keep close to her. Y’all had imaginary friends? Well Yasmin had a real friend she could see & squeeze the life out that didn’t require talking and hugging the air, but that’s fine do u

100% collects beanie babies until this day but lil yamb is the number one princess in her household

As her significant other you have to be okay with lil yamb sleeping in between y’all that’s just the way it is

These stuffed babies are her comfort when no else can be

she’s a singer/songwriter. Went to uni for it & finished a semester early

Went through multiple hell experiences when it came to interning & temping while still in school & after

Let’s just say she wasn’t down to f*ck her way to the top

this made her anxiety act up, these people made her feel like she wouldn’t be good enough to show the world her craft & it’s didn’t have to be the world, just someone who would listen

But she couldn’t give up, there was nothing else she saw herself doing. She knew this is what she was meant to do but she couldn’t lie and say that her insecurities didn’t get the best of her most days

Although the cons seemed to out way the Pros some days, she kept at it & found herself a solid team that knew what she was about and understood her soul

Was definitely the student who loved all her English classes & when she spoke up everyone found it shocking since she preferred to just write everything out rather than “participate in group discussions”

I feel like her singing voice sounds similar to Jessica mauboy’s (if you don’t know who that is & you’re a fan of r&b/pop check her out or if you’re just curious that works too lol)

Knows her music notes like the back of her hand, duh!

Fav color is royal blue, especially on her eyelids & nails

Occasionally sleeps in rollers to keep her hair wavy

Needs her space when it comes to disagreements, they stress her out & she panics a bit when things go wrong so she feels like she needs to leave the situation rather than talk it out right then and there

She’ll talk when she’s ready, she just needs someone that’s a little patient with her that’s all

Words of affirmation is her love language? When she figures out how to balance her love life with her work life that is. When she’s feeling confident she’s smooth with words but when she needs to show you how much you mean to her & she really takes the time to think it out & feel her emotions, she’s writing you a song or you’re the inspiration to it or a poem, leaving you little love notes on blue post-it’s around the house, will write 50 reasons why she loves you on Valentine’s Day, and will say so when it’s just the two of you in your own comfort

Isn’t too crazy about public displays of affection but will deff hold your hand if that’s something you or she wanted in that moment

I think she’s fluid

Hasn’t been in many relationships. Sure she goes on tour every other year and gets to meet many people but they’re not solid relationships, they’re hookups and she hasn’t done many of those either

Had maybe one or two solid relationships: a androgynous woman that uses she/they pronouns & was in a rock band & a cis male she met at a tattoo parlor his step-brother owned (he kinda favored seb but we’re not going to speak on that)

I believe she wants to get married someday but isn’t so keen on the idea of kids. The furthest she’ll go is adopting a couple of animals. She’ll be a pet mom! I feel like she’ll be anxious looking after the life of a human being when it’s extremely hard to do so not only for herself and the love of her life & you want to add kids to the mix?! Fucking hell! but that could change? Who knows what life can throw at u

Has a hedgehog named Sonia that she drops off at her parents for their weekly sleepovers

Loves lace—mostly bralettes & crotchet clothing

I see her as a corduroy girl too. She has at least some rusty brown low-rise corduroy pants or/and a jacket

owns a crotchet kit, she’s bloody good at it too

Loved pink & purple (still likes them, they’re her 2nd & 3rd fav colors) so much as a kid that she tried to dye her hair half & half while her parents went out on their date night...it was also the weekend before school pictures :)

Says she got her inspiration from starfire & raven. She was only 13 at the time & had braces. Her father approved saying she’s a kid and she should be allowed to express herself. He only said that because his own parents barely let him & his brothers have their own fun

Her mother thought it was atrocious and did her best to get it out with the help of her other hair stylists friends (her mother worked in plenty of beauty shops once she got to England, until she decided to convert their basement into her own shop) who she invited over to see what her daughter had done but when you use certain permanent dyes...

It didn’t completely damage yasmin’s hair plus it was just hair, Yasmin didn’t see the big deal. She thought she looked splendid

Anyway, massive fan of ballroom dancing

She’s got a great ear to begin with so it was extremely fun twirling around while wearing pretty ballroom gowns

Took boring etiquette classes as a form of punishment? After the whole teen Titans inspiration thing “went wrong”

Enjoys western films

yes she owns a cowgirl hat & some boots too so sue her, she likes what she likes

Knows how to lasso but hates doing it to animals but she’ll do it to you :) (*gags* lmao why???)

Also loves visiting western towns & learning some history or at least experiencing what it was like

Type of significant other that will do her best to persuade you to stay in a treehouse airbnb, a cabin, the fucking Idaho potato, or camping out in her Volkswagen van in the middle of nowhere!

Has faux cow rugs, wicker baskets, wicker chairs in her flat, hangs some plants in glass jars & bottles all over her house

Her flat is very bright & vibrant: white, mocha brown, tan, yellows, & pastel purple

When it comes to decision making, she’ll make them pretty quick but only if it comes to choosing desserts

nobody is touching her mom’s meskouta orange cake WITH syrup

the dessert eater that always picks the one that has a surprise inside, meaning it has to ooze out with SOMETHING to make it 10x more satisfying

Leaning towards Buddhism, had studied some of their beliefs and found it resonates with her spirit

Fan of neon lights, probably has a few neon signs in her flat preferably on her brick wall in the loo, “to give u comfort as you go!” “that...actually makes sense.” Tai commented as he rubbed his chin coming to terms with yasmin’s reply. While Iona scowls, “no, no it doesn’t. I feel as if it’s an invasion of my bits!” “...Sorry you feel that way.”

tai & ciaran are automatically deemed as her brothers since she came into the villa with them. She had time to connect with them unlike anyone else. It was just the way the stars wrote their story and it showed outside of the villa too. they often crash at her place all the time when they’re in town & vacation all the time together when their schedules line up + it never feels like she’s third wheeling

“TaiTower” & “BB-Ci” are their names in her phone, Tai picked his own name while the “bb” stands for “best buds” for ciaran —which is a joke since he drunkly called himself so + he loves everyone when he’s drunk

You can always count on her to belt the lyrics to a Chaka Khan, TLC, or paula abdul joint when she’s drunk lol

As for the girls? She’s close with miki 😒 they just seem to be on the same wavelength when it comes to the pressure of the media since they have some sort of fame which increased with them being on the Telly. They bond over that & from there they’ve built a solid friendship

She could also be friends with AJ too (if you didn’t get swiped from her that is lmao!) they’re sorta opposites with aj being high energy/active while Yasmin is more mellow & “mysterious” but seem to connect in different ways: their sexual indentities, insecurities/anxieties, having something to be passionate about but at the same time maybe not? She might lean towards elladine or Genevieve if she had to make a choice?

Aquarius sun + cancer moon

so she’s still 23 y’all, I got it! I can’t do math sorry

“Freddie Mercury was probably my dad in my past life.”

Can play the banjo, guitar, & oud

Participates in hot yoga weekly

If she’s not with mc in the end and continues dating around if anyone from season two: LUCAS, Kassam, Gary, Rocco, maybe Blake? I originally thought Elisa but she’s probably too much for yas let’s be honest here lol they’d be better off as friends

Omg I forgot marisol! Imagine that?! Whew!!!

Season three: maybe Lily? But what if? Me being the slightly messy bitch that I am? Something happening with her & AJ. Now that?! Would be some chaotic shit “from the outside looks of it” name the irrelevant person behind the quote...now!

I’d like to see her interact with allerga but there could be something with her & cherry. I’m thinking cherry, Yasmin, & priya would bond well but we’re not here to talk about that

Getting rid of the physical aspect I genuinely think she’d do well with marisol, Lucas, or kassam. They’d mesh well I think in a relationship

She’s a body shimmer girl for sure!

Loves silk or satin robes

she’s a shortie, 5’2 to 5’5

Is learning Spanish

Loves arcade games, come see her in pinball & Pac-Man!

Quarantine life did not change her lifestyle much, but it did slightly mess with her mental health :/

loves the fall time, feels like she can slow down some and really spend time with family and friends

I feel like she has one best friend outside of the villa & that’s good enough for her!

They met their first year in uni & been close ever since

She doesn’t speak to the temporary friends she grew up with anymore & is often confused why they feel the need to keep up with her in the media which added more annoying worries to her heart but whatever right? Keep your eyes on the horizon

celebs she finds/found attractive: Aaliyah—especially when she played in queen of the damned, Kehlani, Zazie Beetz, Fivel & Booboo Stewart, Lakeith stanfield, Leah Lewis, Sofia Carson, Ryan gosling, & Nick Jonas

She listens to: jade bird, Yebba, Elli Ingram, Wafia, Zeina, Summer walker, Tanerèlle, Mariah the scientist, Teyana Taylor, Tove Lo, lady Gaga, Ra Ra Riot, Empire of the sun, & smallpools

Anthem? Diana Gordon — Rollin’

[oboevallis]

advice pt2

my apologies this sucks and doesn’t really have a storyline, hope everyone’s staying safe, happy Halloween!

“It’s so good to see you.” Amelia said as she hugged her mother.

“It’s good seeing you too, and look at you, you look amazing for just having a baby.”

“Oh come on, now let me take your bag.” Amelia said as she tossed her mothers bag into the trunk of her car.

“Thanks for picking me up. It really wasn’t necessary, I would’ve taken a bus.” Carolyn said once Amelia got into the drivers seat.

“Mom, that’s ridiculous. It’s really no trouble.”

“So I’m assuming my newest grandson and Link are back at your place?”

“Yeah, we were thinking of going over to Merediths for dinner. If that’s alright with you.”

“Of course, it’s been too long since I’ve seen the kids and Meredith.”

“Good, I know Zola will be excited to see you. She loves to show off all the tricks she’s been teaching their dog.” Carolyn smiled softly, Amelia assumed she was thinking about her late brothers love for dogs.

________________________________________

“Mrs Shepherd it’s so good to see you again.” Link smiled, offering his hand for her to shake.

“Nice seeing you as well Atticus. Please, call me Carolyn.”

“Only if you call me Link.” He said shooting her his charming smile.

“I think we can arrange that.” Carolyn smiled, and then directed to her attention back to her daughter who came into the living room carrying her son. “And this must be my new grandson.”

“Yep, this is Scout.” Amelia said admiring the baby propped on her hip.

“May I?” Carolyn asked holding out her arms for the small child.

“Of course” Amelia carefully shifted the baby into her arms. Links pager then started to beep quickly. “Why are they paging you?”

“No idea.” Link answered looking at the page. “I’ve gotta talk to the chief, she really needs to find another ortho surgeon who doesn’t call in sick every other day. I’ll meet you guys at Mer’s.”

“Okay see you there.” Amelia pecked her boyfriends lips, before he raced out the door which she locked behind him.

“Does he get paged a lot?” Carolyn asked sitting down on the couch.

“I mean for him being on paternity leave, yeah. It’s not his fault though, his fellow was supposed to take over his service, but he’s working a new job and the other ortho surgeon is incompetent. Tom has been covering my service though.”

“Grey-Sloan has become quite the hot spot, I can’t imagine a better offering coming up to someone.”

“He got a job as the Mariner’s team doctor. Link set it up, they offered him his old job back but he recommended Nico instead.”

“I hadn’t realized Link had worked for the Mariners. I’m surprised he turned the job down.”

“Yeah, well it’s a lot of travel, and Scouts so little so he decided to stay at Grey-Sloan.”

“Not a lot of men will let go of a job like that. Link seems like a really good man.”

“He is, and he’s so good to Scout. I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop, he’s just so perfect.” Amelia gushed, her boyfriend never ceases to amaze her with his kindness.

“So how has Scout’s colic been.”

“He’s doing a lot better, he’s starting to sleep through the night.”

“That must be a relief for you two.” Amelia hummed in agreement, and the two sat in silence before Amelia spoke up with a question.

“This may be a stupid question, but you know this stuff. He’s seem to lost interest in breastfeeding, like he’s on strike or something. What am I doing wrong?”

“Well I don’t think it’s anything you’ve done. It could be a number of things, he could be getting distracted by surroundings if he’s overstimulated, or he could be teething so his gums are sore. He’s still little so I wouldn’t stop. I suggest just being patient, and making sure surroundings aren’t overstimulating.” The neurosurgeons mother suggested. Amelia smiled.

“Thank you. It’s nice being able to go to you for advice now.”

“I’m sorry if I made you feel like you weren’t able to do so before.”

_____________________________________

“Meredith it’s so good to see you again.” Carolyn respectfully greeted when Meredith answered the door.

“You as well.” Meredith awkwardly hugged her mother in law. “The kids are just in the backyard playing with the dog.”

“Would you mind if I joined them?” Carolyn asked.

“No not at all.” Meredith smiled, once Carolyn was out of earshot she confronted Amelia. “Your mother absolutely hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you, trust me. She absolutely hated Addison, we all had to make sure my mother was on her best behavior. I don’t have to worry she’s going to say something offense to you.” Meredith held her hands out for the small boy, which Amelia passed to her.

“That’s what Derek would say to me, but that was before I unplugged her son without her knowing.”

“Hmm, true.” Amelia bluntly agreed.

“That doesn’t help me, Amelia.”

“I’m sure she doesn’t hate you, she wouldn’t of come over.”

“She’s obligated to come over, those are her sons kids.”

“Are you spinning out?” Amelia chuckled. “I barely ever see this side of Meredith.”

“It’s only your mother who brings out this side of me.”

“She has that way over people.”

_____________________________________

“Hey sorry we’re late.” Link said walking into Merediths kitchen with Maggie and her boyfriend.

“It’s alright, we put your plates in the oven, hopefully theyre still warm.” Meredith said uncharacteristically cheerful. Link shot Amelia a confused look which Amelia giggled to.

“Oh, we just came to pick up some of my old notes from previous patients of mine, for a case.” Maggie said gesturing to her and her boyfriend, as the two left the kitchen.

“Is Scout asleep?” Link asked once he sat down next to his girlfriend.

“Yeah, he went down without a fight.”

“If you’ll excuse me I’m going to go put Ellis to bed.” Meredith gestured to her youngest asleep on the couch. Leaving Carolyn, the couple, and the older kids at the dinner table.

“So my daughter tells me you used to work for the Mariners.”

“Yeah, I did that for a while I really enjoyed it. I love working at Grey-Sloan though, I’m able to do research which I really enjoy.”

“Did they fire you? Because your not very good at hitting a baseball.” Bailey commented

“Well I was their team doctor I wasn’t playing for them, and I didn’t get fired. And if you recall, you were the one who was throwing the ball too low.”

“I’m working on it.” Bailey gave his uncle a double thumbs up. “We’re still going to play on Wednesday right? Maybe Scout can play?”

“Of course we are. But I think Scouts gonna stay with his mom, he’s still little.” Link wrapped his arm around his girlfriends shoulder.

“It’s time for bed you two.” Meredith came into the kitchen gesturing towards her children. They said their goodnights to everyone and made their way upstairs with their mother.

“So Link, tell me about yourself.”

“Mom.” Amelia quickly said, not wanting her boyfriend to feel uncomfortable.

“Oh it’s fine. Well Im a ortho surgeon, sure you probably knew that though. Umm, I’m pretty laid back stress free, but not too laid back like I can handle things.” Link quickly added not wanting to seem irresponsible. Amelia put his hand on his thigh to try to help calm him. “I-I hate avocados, I was a Cub Scout resulting in very good smore making, I can fix bikes pretty well, oh and I play blues guitar.”

“And you still haven’t written me that song.” Amelia added, to which Carolyn chuckled.

“Do you remember that song your brother wrote for Addison?”

“I never knew he could sing, it was quite awkward though. I don’t know what part of him thought that he should write her a song. I think he rhymed ‘Addison Fine Ass’ with ‘Gross anatomy class’”

“I doubt your brother wrote that, that has Mark written all over it.” Carolyn chuckled silently remnicing on when the two best friends were little and very much alive. The baby’s cries disrupting the moment, to which Amelia jumped up to go tend to the baby. Once Amelia was up the stairs Carolyn continued. “I’m going to be honest with you Link. I like you, I’ve never seen my daughter this genuinely happy. I have you to thank for that. And I’d say we didn’t pick up on the right foot. But it appears I tend to like my children’s partners who don’t make the best first impression. Amelia loves with her whole heart and some people find it hard to love her, but you haven’t.”

“I can’t imagine thinking someone would find her hard to love, she’s a straight shooter, and so funny, and the kindest human I’ve ever met, and the best mother to Scout.” Link gushed, getting carried away he loved talking about her girlfriend.

“Welcome to the family.”

part 3

[lantern-inthenight]

Dad Van Fleet (Headcanons)

Get ready to cry. I wrote these while listening to “Dear Theodosia” from Hamilton on repeat, so it’s maximum feels in this one. Thank you to my love @sparrowof-thedawn​ for beta-ing this <3

Jake

Appears stern but is actually putty in your daughter’s hands

Beyond protective of her, from the very beginning

But like. In a quiet, i’ll-kill-you-and-no-one-would-ever-know kinda way

Your daughter gets fussy at night, so Jake often takes her for car rides to get her to fall asleep

And then, when he lays her down in her crib, Jake stays with her and sings softly to make sure she stays fast asleep, softly rubbing her tummy

He helped your daughter take her first steps, holding her arms to keep her upright as your sat on the living room floor with a camera

He watches that video when he’s feeling down

Remember when I said he’d tell your baby goodnight every night no matter what? That didn’t change after she was born, nor did it change as she grew up

Whether it’s on the phone or in-person, your daughter will always hear “goodnight, angel. You’re so loved.”

Which probably explains how you ended up with a daddy’s girl

Jake and your daughter butt heads sometimes because they’re so similar in personality, but at the end of the day, she listens to him more than anyone

They got into an argument over something trivial but your daughter, in the throes of teenage hormones/emotions, yelled that she hated him

Jake was incredibly upset, and moped around the house until your daughter sat down next to him on the back porch steps

“Dad? I’m sorry I said I hated you. I didn’t mean it.”

Jake gave her a tight hug, and you were proud of both of them for making up on their own

“It’s okay, sweetie. I love you.”

“Even when you’re mad at me?”

“Yes. I love you always.”

He taught her how to play guitar as soon as she developed fine motor skills

Just imagine Jake sitting on the couch with your little one, quietly teaching her the different chords

“There you go, sweetie. You’re doing great! A natural.”

So it’s no surprise that she grows up incredibly involved with music, eventually learning to play several instruments and asking her Uncle Sammy to teach her piano

But she’s got natural charisma just like her daddy, so dating is an issue when she gets to that age

Jake just immediately dislikes every boy she talks about, grumbling to you when she announces that the popular boy at school asked her to junior prom

“I don’t like the look of him.” “You haven’t met him yet, babe.”

“Still though.”

You and Jake thought about having another kid, but one night changed all that

Your daughter was about two, and she was nestled between you and your husband on the couch, sleeping soundly

The TV was on low volume and you and Jake were talking quietly about the future

You each had a hand on the back of the couch, brushing knuckles, and your free hands rested on her, playing with her hair and rubbing her back

You shared a glance, and there was an immediate, unspoken truth

This is our little family. This is perfect. The best thing we ever did.

There was nothing to add. You had no more pieces of your heart left to give. Jake and your girl had stolen all of them, and you were happy to let them keep it.

Josh

When you got pregnant, you and Josh weren’t particularly adamant about finding out the sex of the baby

It didn’t really matter either way, you would decorate everything unisex anyway. Besides, surprises are fun!

So you made it a point to tell the doctor you didn’t want to know. However--

When the ultrasound technician raised his eyebrows in surprise, you freaked out for a second, your mind immediately jumping to the worst conclusion

“What’s wrong? Is the baby alright?” Josh gripped your hand, his face painted with worry

But the technician grinned and said, “The baby is fine, don’t worry. It’s just that there are two of them!”

“What?” You were in shock

“Congratulations, Mrs. Kiszka, it looks like you’re having twins!”

Josh wouldn’t stop yelling excitedly, as you very quickly realized that in a couple months, you were going to look like a balloon with legs

You decided right then that you probably didn’t need more surprises, so when the time came to be able to find out what you were having, you went in right away

God help you, it they were both boys

The sheer chaos of being outnumbered by three boys, one of whom is Josh Kiszka and the other two of whom are miniature Josh Kiszkas

Luckily, Josh was surprisingly good at co-parenting, being unafraid to discipline your sons and holding down the fort while you were at work

He managed to get both of the boys reading at an early age, always stressing to them the importance of education and understanding other cultures

His favorite part of the new daily routine is reading bedtime stories

Being who he is, Josh picks out fantastical tales to read the boys, and reads them aloud with all the voices and sound effects

He absolutely hated the twin stroller, though

Josh’s preferred method of getting around with your sons was a double papoose, one baby strapped to the front, and one on the back

He alternated which kid was on which side, so as not to offend them or make one feel left out. When he told you as much, you were very amused

When people in public would compliment the baby, Josh’s usual response was to say, “Thanks, I have two of them!” and spin around to reveal the other baby

When you went out as a unit, you put the twins in matching onesies

Josh acted like he hated it, but then you saw him come home from Target with several new sets of matching onesies

“What?” He asks, as you laugh. “They were on sale!”

When one of your sons gets pushed over by a bully at school, Josh comforts him until you get home

Wiping tears from his boy’s face, Josh whispers, “You’re safe now. I’m not going to let that happen again. Okay?”

Your son nods, and Josh hugs him tightly, cradling his head under his chin

The next day when he drops the boys off, Josh makes it a point to make eye contact with the bully and glares at him until he gets scared and runs away

Sam

You were worried Sam would freak out during the birth, which wouldn’t be good because the hospital didn’t need to deal with two panicked parents-to-be

But Samuel surprised you

When the time came to push, Sam was at your side with a calm voice and a firm grip on your hand, kissing your forehead even as you cried

Right before the baby came, you grabbed his arm, feeling that visceral fear that only comes with new parenthood

“Sam, I’m so scared.”

But he holds the back of your hand to his mouth, kissing it firmly

“I know. I am, too. But you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met. You’re gonna be an amazing mother.”

And when your son was born, Sam cried

Because he was feeling every bit of love he’d ever missed, like a whole new sphere of heaven was opened up to him

And when he looked at you, tired and weepy, his heart felt like it might burst. Because how could one man feel so much love?

For the tiny human in his arms and the incredible woman in front of him

You and the baby immediately become Priority Number One in everything he does

Can often be found meeting Danny and his daughter at the coffee shop for some much-needed caffeine

Danny’s girl and yours and Sam’s boy are about the same age, so they have playdates

Sam also takes your son out into nature pretty much as soon as the kid can walk

Thankfully he was more willing to put shoes on the kid than on himself

You waited a few years to have another one, giving birth to a daughter when your son was about four

And Sam went through the emotions all over again, in disbelief of how much happiness he could feel

He set out right away to find things they could do together

He’d often whisk all of you away for weekends of going camping, giving your son piggyback rides up and down the trails

It was on one of these camping trips that your daughter said her first word

You were helping your son get dressed before a hike, and Sam was bouncing her on his knee by the remains of the previous night’s campfire

Your daughter saw the animal before Sam did

“Dee!”

Sam’s eyes widened as he gazed down at her, but she was looking out towards the edge of the woods, unaware of her dad being in shock at her declaration

“What did you say, baby?” “Dee!”

Sam followed her excited gaze, and saw the deer standing under a nearby tree

“Dee! Deeeeee!!”

“Oh my god. Deer. Oh my god, Oh my--YN! Come here!”

You ran over with your son, afraid something had happened

He and your daughter were both pointing at the deer with identical dopey grins

Before you could speak, your daughter realized you were there, and smiled up at you

“Dee!”

You and Sam both cried

Danny

When your daughter is born, Danny doesn’t set her down for a second

He just walks around with her, tiny in his arms, cooing and smiling at the baby

“She’s got my eyes, babe, don’t you think?”

And you can tell in that second that you’re gonna have to be the disciplinarian in the household

Bc that baby owns his heart

So it makes sense when you go back to work and Danny takes paternity leave for six weeks

He’s a natural nurturer, like he’s so good at taking care of the baby

But he’s also very protective

So like... Baby papoose.

Danny strolls up into the grocery store, the park, the zoo, wherever, with the baby strapped to his chest bc he doesn’t care how he looks as long as the baby is secure

You get regular snapchats at work of Danny and the baby being out and about

But you always come home to a clean house and Danny passed out on the couch, the baby fast asleep on his chest

And he still somehow finds time to spend with you, always reminding you what a phenomenal mom you are and how much he loves you

Nobody was shocked when you got pregnant again, like literally no one

You had two more children together before deciding that three kids were about all you could handle, especially with your two youngest being boys

Danny was good at disciplining them, though, so that helped a lot

You were a sports family, taking your children out to basketball and football games on the weekends whenever possible

But of course your kids loved music too, with one of your sons learning guitar and your daughter eventually asking for a drumkit for Christmas

Your other son is more of a scientist than his siblings, and Danny “Telekinesis” Wagner makes every effort to help with school projects and going to the science fair

Becomes That Dad when it comes to his daughter dating in high school

“Dad, there’s this guy--” “You can do better.”

When your daughter experiences her first heartbreak, Danny is there to comfort her (and to offer to beat up the guy)

He brings her ice cream and puts on her favorite movie, hugging her tightly and assuring her that she’s the most wonderful girl in the world and any guy would be lucky to have her

He takes the time to sit your sons down and talk to them about respecting women (“or men, because that’s cool too!”)

These boys are raised to be gentlemen and understand the concept of consent from an early age

And he definitely taught your girl some self-defense before she went to college

Taglist: @mr-stank-i-dont-feel-so-dank​, @jeordinevankiszka​, @that-glassbottomed-ego​, @kissthesun-fightthefire​, @lover--leaver​, @myownparadise96​, @satans-helper​, @songbirdkisses​, @bluewillowmom​

[katieskarlette]

Shadows Rising: A Reaction Post

Short, mostly non-spoilery version:  I liked it overall.  I give it a solid B, maybe a B+.

I was disappointed in how little Nathanos and/or Sylvanas content there was, but I think proclamations of the ship’s doom are premature.  

I’m intrigued by the first rumblings of new character development for certain characters, especially Anduin, Alleria and Turalyon.

I was rooting for Talanji so much.  She’s great. Zekhan is a cinnamon roll too pure for this world.  Sira was kind of boring. Fairshaw is so darn heartwarming I can’t stand it. I like Bwonsamdi more now. The lack of Wrathion is unsurprising but unfortunate. Nothing new with Tyrande but she’s already poised for major development in Shadowlands.

Much longer, spoilery version below.

This ended up being more of a ramble than an essay, but there’s a lot of disjointed thoughts pinging around in my head, so let’s dive in.

Overall, I enjoyed Shadows Rising.  Was it the best book ever?  No.  Not even the best Warcraft book ever.  But it was an enjoyable read.  It’s always a treat to get into the heads of characters we mostly know in passing from in-game events.  There are internal, emotional beats that cannot easily be explored in the game, and the books are a way to build the world and the characters in a more introspective, slow-paced manner.  I like that.  (That’s not to say there are no action scenes, because there definitely are.)

Talanji, Jaina, Zekhan, and Anduin were all written well and sympathetically.  Maiev’s only in a couple scenes, but she felt off to me.  Nathanos was very in-character, in all his snide, sour glory.   Flynn and Mathias are great together.

The pacing was fine.  The descriptions were good, and it all felt grounded in the game world (i.e. landmarks, ambiance, the ridiculous amount of stairs in Daz’alor...)  Each of the Horde leaders got a moment or two in the spotlight.  Despite a fair amount of chapters about Anduin, Alleria, Turalyon, and Jaina, it still felt like a Horde-centric book to me.  Not that that’s a bad thing.

Prologue:  Gayness detected on page 8!  And it’s even something I kind of inadvertently predicted.  In my reaction post for Before the Storm I wrote, “ In this book alone, it would have been so easy to have that blacksmith bringing a helmet as a gift to his long-lost Forsaken husband instead of friend.”  That’s basically what we have here.  I don’t know if they were married, and neither were blacksmiths, but the Westfall moonshiner describes one of the Forsaken slain in Arathi as “the best man I ever knew and loved.”  Tada!  See how easy it was?  Add Jago x Wilmer to the growing list of LGBT rep in Azeroth.  (Even if they’re super minor characters in the long run, it’s still great to see.)

There might be some kind of parallel to be drawn between Alleria failing Anduin (by not finding/killing Sylvanas) and Nathanos failing Sylvanas (by not killing Bwonsamdi) but my brain is too overloaded from binge-reading to articulate it right now.  Both failed their king or queen, but both were also given nearly impossible tasks. 

Alleria and Turalyon are definitely being set up as antagonists.  We are clearly supposed to side with Jaina on this, and be uncomfortable (if not outright horrified) at their torture methods.  It’s especially disturbing how they use their respective void and light powers to accomplish their goals.  I mean, on one hand it’s great that both sides of the great cosmic divide can work together, and their marriage seems stronger than it was for awhile there, but yeesh...can you not torture people?  I know, ends justify the means, slippery slope, greater evil, blah blah, but still...that’s not okay.  It’s yet another sign that the Light is not necessarily good (or the void necessarily evil).

I welcome conflict within the Alliance, though.  That’s been the Horde’s thing for long enough.  Time to see how the blue side deals with its rifts.

In chapter 2 Nathanos is annoyed when a dreadtick flies by his head.  What, was it too similar to a bird for his liking?  Heh. 

All that time in Nazmir, and we didn’t get to see a single crawg!  Harumph.

It took three chapters and 39 pages to finally get something from Nathanos' perspective, and he was much more scarce going forward than I had hoped.  The bits we did get from his perspective were great and in-character, but I wanted to get into his head more.  Most of his scenes were from the POV of Sira or the troll villain instead, and while Apari was a good character I find Sira to be pretty one-dimensional. 

I kind of got paternal vibes from Nathanos toward Sira, though.  He was like, “I’ve been undead a lot longer than you; I know how to handle the bloodlust and such.  Get it out of your system at appropriate times but learn to control yourself.  There’s more to (un)life than slaughtering people.”  She herself, though, was just “Rawr, I hate everything and want to kill anything that moves.”  I mean, I get that she’s been through some traumatic stuff, but I didn’t find myself invested in her at all.

Page 42, as a bunch of trolls are about to be slaughtered:  "Hungry birds circled, expectant of a big meal, and Nathanos so hated to disappoint."  WHAT?  Nathanos wanted to do something nice for BIRDS?  I know, the phrasing fits with his dry, sarcastic sense of humor, but considering the running joke about him hating birds, it still made me go, “Huh?”

Chapter 5 (and later on, as it turns out):  Zekhan having a soft spot for kids is too precious for this world.

Page 51:  Thalyssra's eyes were "sparkling as she gazed across the room at Lor'themar."  Awwwwwww.   There was a surprising amount of ship fodder in this book overall, with Lor’themar x Thalyssra, Turalyon x Alleria, Fairshaw, and Zehkhan x Talanji all getting a moment or two (or more.) 

Chapter 6:  Anduin says, "Turalyon, take Alleria Windrunner and investigate these deaths."  You know, Alleria...YOUR WIFE?  I don't think you need to say her last name there, genius. 

While I’m being snarky about the editing, there were at least two times where the word “grieves” was used instead of “greaves.”  I spotted a couple other little things that a better editor (or one with more time, maybe it was rushed, I don’t know) would have caught.

Chapter 7:  More matter-of-fact LGBT inclusion for minor characters, this time a lesbian troll couple who want to marry.  Yes, thank you Blizzard, keep it up.

Chapter 8:  If you’re going to make the “Zappy Boy” nickname for Zekhan canon, having Bwonsamdi be the one to wink at the camera and use it was a great decision.  I can totally imagine him saying it.

We learn the name of Varok’s wife/Dranosh’s mother:  Remda.  Although I read elsewhere that the vision Zekhan saw of the Saurfang family in the afterlife was just Bwonsamdi’s B.S., it was still cool.

Chapter 13:  Nathanos wearing cologne?  Love it.  And it’s not even to cover up the rotting smell, because apparently his new body doesn’t stink like some undead; it just doesn’t smell like a living person, either, and some find it unnerving.  So he wears cologne.  That’s such a delightful little detail, and surprisingly considerate of him.

Sira complaining about bugs:  "We'll be eaten alive."  Uh no, you'd have to BE ALIVE for that to happen. Tsk.

Nathanos being called "the pale rider" makes me think of old cowboy movies.  Like, “You greenhorns better clear out; the Pale Rider is comin’ to town and there’s gonna be trouble.  Go wake up the sheriff.”  

Sira says that while on the voyage to Zandalar the dark rangers liked to tell the tale of how Nathanos was promoted to Ranger Lord by Sylvanas.  I'm surprised he lets them gossip like that!  His quests in vanilla made it seem he wanted to keep those parts of his past on the down-low, at least from the player.

Chapter 14:  Thrall's second kid is Rehze.  *blink*  Reh-zee?  Rez?  Ruh-zay?  I guess she’s not named after anyone.  After he named his son Durak (sort of after Durotan) I assumed he’d continue the pattern with kid #2.  Maybe she’s named after one of Aggra’s relatives.  (Later I read on Wowpedia that the author actually said she dislikes the “fan service” trend of naming children after other characters so she just picked a random orcish name.  I don’t think it’s fan service, because lots of real-life people do it, but okay.  Fair enough.)

Speaking of orcish names, there’s an orc page helping out the council named Gunk.  Like, what you clean out from under your fingernails after gardening.  Gunk.  LOL

Aww, that’s no fun...Maiev's wearing a cape trimmed in white fur, not daggers.  What happened to her impeccable/deadly fashion sense?

Chapter 16:  Zekhan starting to clap at Talanji's speech and then stopping and shrinking back when he realized no one else was applauding was so freaking adorable.

Chapter 17:  Fairshaw, full steam ahead!!!  Their chemistry is everything I hoped it would be.  Learning a little about Flynn’s tragic past was both fascinating and heartbreaking.  (We learned his mom’s name: Lyra Fairwind.  R.I.P.)

Chapter 18:  Proodmoore keep has a gallery with floor to ceiling oil paintings of the Proudmoore family, extended family, and beloved friends.  It now includes Anduin.  I can’t help thinking that, in a different timeline, Arthas’ portrait would have been there.

Will wonders never case?  Ji Firepaw actually gets to do stuff!!!  GASP!

"Thrall understood that to other humans Wrynn was said to be pleasing-looking, but to the orc, Anduin simply looked like a small, pink boy swallowed by clunky armor."  So it’s canon that Anduin is good-looking in-universe.  But LMAO at Thrall’s description.

Chapter 22:  From Shaw’s POV, "These odds ranked pretty low...  Maybe just above the time he had relied completely on a shoddy network of spies embedded in a cheese business."  OMG leave Elling Trias alone!  He did his best!  LOL

Shaw wanting to hang out in a mountain meadow and whittle bird calls (perhaps even with a special someone) was so touchingly normal.  That’s the kind of characterization that the books are so much better at than the game.

I actually like Bwonsamdi more after reading this.  Not that I disliked him before, but I didn’t have a strong sense of him due to not playing Horde as much in BFA.  He’s a well-done gray character:  not good, not evil, insightful but a smartass, part of the great cycle, out for himself but also taking his duties seriously (saving troll souls from the Maw.) 

I’m not entirely sure that we needed as much from Thrall’s POV as we got.  I mean, sure, he’s a familiar character with ties to a lot of others, so it was easy to drop him into situations, and his ties to Jaina made cross-faction communication easier, but he didn’t seem as relevant to the lore of Zandalar and the Shadowlands as some other characters.

Maiev seemed OOC, especially in the Stockades scene.  I know one of the themes of the book was “people change,” and I suppose I should be happy that she has a more moderate viewpoint nowadays, dialing back the Lust For Vengeance Meter from eleven to maybe a five or a six, but it didn’t feel like Maiev.  Especially because her message of “maybe don’t go overboard with this vengeance thing” was aimed at Tyrande, of all people, someone who Maiev has had quite legitimate reasons to dislike for a very, very long time.  I could see her maybe mellowing out a little in front of fellow Wardens, but Tyrande?  Eh, it didn’t feel right to me.

No surprises from Tyrande in this.  She’s still steely cold, vengeance-obsessed, consumed by anger.  Not that I blame her, but it’s not healthy.  I know we’ll be exploring her situation more in Shadowlands, so this was more of a reminder/reinforcement of where she is right now.  It was kind of funny how Thrall, Baine and Calia tried to talk to her and she just gave them the stink eye and the silent treatment, though.

I’m fine with Anduin exploring his dark side a bit more, as long as they don’t go overboard with it.  I like him as an earnest, good-hearted character.  It’s only natural to test your limits, though, especially in times of crisis.  Power corrupts, and he’s got plenty of it, both politically and magically, so I can understand Jaina and Mathias being a bit uneasy.  Add to that the increasing themes about the Light not being as benevolent as we originally assumed, and there’s potential for interesting plot there.  In the end I want Anduin to stay firmly on the side of good, empathy, compassion, etc., but a deviation into the shadows along the way isn’t a bad thing for the story.

I imagine every single person who read about Anduin sneaking off to the Lion’s Pride Inn in Goldshire smirked about that place’s reputation on certain RP realms.  I was surprised he didn’t find scantily-clad elves and draenei dancing on the furniture.  And then it turns out Jaina was there, too.  Awkward!

Why, oh why couldn’t we have had a scene with Anduin and Wrathion hanging out (incognito, of course) in a tavern?  That was their thing in MoP, and now with Anduin desperately wanting to get away from his duties for awhile and soak up some tavern ambiance it would have been perfect.  Let Anduin show off the best taverns Stormwind has to offer.  Even though Wrathion was as much a guest at the Tavern in the Mists as Anduin was, he acted like he owned the place and Anduin was his guest, so let them turn the tables and have Anduin play host.  There could be jokes about how he better not punch Wrathion again or they’ll get kicked out for starting a bar fight.  They could have still seen the young recruits, ran into Jaina, etc.  But Anduin really needs a buddy to hang out with right now.  

And you can’t tell me after Nya’lotha fell Wrathion just disappeared again and never at least visited Stormwind to tell grandiose tales about how he stabbed an Old God, it was so heroic, and he wasn’t scared at all, and those mean adventurers were so quick to believe he’d been corrupted, but he hadn’t, and did you know Azshara was there?  And then N’Zoth almost won but KERPOW LAZERS and oh Anduin you should have seen it, etc. etc. etc.

I should be used to being disappointed about Wrathion’s absence by now, but there are SO MANY MISSED OPPORTUNITIES!

Sigh.  Moving on.

Being exposed to spoilers meant I wasn’t fooled by it, but it was still a deft bit of writing to have the dark rangers drink poison when cornered by Horde soldiers, then mention Nathanos having a vial in his coat, which he drinks when defeated--making the unspoiled reader assume he’s killing himself--only for it to be a kind of liquid hearthstone attuned to Sylvanas.  Had I not known that he survived the book I would have freaked out there.

So, like, was Bolvar just sitting there on the ground awkwardly eavesdropping while Sylvanas and Nathanos talked/argued?  Or did he use that time to sneak away unnoticed?  LOL

Which brings us to the epilogue that’s caused so much hand wringing and wailing from my fellow Blightrunner shippers.  It wasn’t the openly sentimental interaction between them that I had hoped for, but I honestly didn’t read it as the doom of the ship.  A bump, at worst.

[If you’re not interested in the relationship between Nathanos and Sylvanas, or if you’re one of those people who simply hate his character, you can skip the rest of this post.]

First of all, Sylvanas had just broken the Helm of Domination.  That was a hugely significant thing to do, both for her personally and in the cosmic scheme of things.  Her state of mind at that moment had to have been in a turmoil.  So if she was a little distracted and tense, I think that’s quite understandable.

Second, I saw other fans being upset that she threatened/wanted to strike him.  That’s not how I read it at all.  “Sylvanas could strike him, scream and hollow out his soul, but it would not correct the failing.”  She’s not saying she wants to do that, just that she could.  The instinct to lash out in violence is ingrained in all the undead; death knights have to do it or they go mad.  So for her mind to go there in a moment of high emotion seems natural to me.  She doesn’t actually attack him or verbally/physically threaten him.  People say things like “I could have killed my brother for eating the last slice of cake” or “I could’ve strangled my co-worker when she spoiled the ending of the movie” and it’s not literal.

Third, she doesn’t say “go away, I never want to see you again.”  She says “Go where you will, Nathanos, but do not be idle” and “I expect you will return to me with means to prevent [Bwonsamdi’s] meddling.”  So essentially she’s saying, “Fine, go home, regroup, come up with Plan B, and if it’s not possible to destroy Bwonsamdi at least concentrate on countering him.”  Also note that she still considers the operation to be theirs, not just hers:  “This was a blow, but one she felt sure they could overcome.”  That tells me she expects to work with him in the future.

Fourth, and granted this is before she learns of his failure, but she’s clearly happy to have him there when he first arrives.  “’My champion,’ Sylvanas purred.  ‘Your timing could not be better.  Tell me of your victory as we take these first steps together.’”  She wanted to cross into the Shadowlands with him at her side.  Hell, that’s bridal imagery...crossing the threshold together, and all that.  The only reason she tells him to go is because his work isn’t done and she still needs him on Azeroth.  But she explicitly says “I expect you will return to me.” 

Fifth, in the line from her POV about how “the unjust ladder of their lives must be dismantled,” the “they” she’s referring to is all of the denizens of Azeroth, true, but I think there’s also a tinge of bitterness there as she looks back on her own life, and her life with Nathanos.  Destiny has not been kind to either of them.

Sixth, she says “My path lies ahead” as she prepares to cross into the Shadowlands.  It’s a reminder of the scale of the forces she is trying to manipulate.  When faced with the potential fates of all the souls in the universe, her own regrets are insignificant.  She can’t stay on Azeroth any longer, even if some part of her does want to just chill out on a beach somewhere with Nathanos and watch his blighthounds chase seagulls.  She thinks “It would not be easy, but then, her mission required great sacrifice.”  Like leaving him behind.

Even this part can be interpreted different ways:  “She heard the note of hope in his voice, fragile as a fledgling dropped from the next.”  Putting aside the humor of comparing bird-hating Nathanos to a fledgling, we don’t get a value judgment about the comparison.  Sylvanas doesn’t think about him sympathetically, wanting to protect him in a vulnerable moment, but she also doesn’t think, “Geez, what a pathetic weakling.”  It goes back to that bit in Warbringers about how she can’t kill hope.  And she can’t.  Here, again, no matter how bleak things are, no matter how displeased she is at his failure, he still has hope.  And she needs that, whether she believes it or not.

When she “flicked her fingers, as if ridding herself of a speck of muck” that can be interpreted as her thinking of him in a derogatory way, but she was also talking about Bwonsamdi in the same breath so I can choose to believe that’s who she was being dismissive of.

I don’t know.  I get that some of the language is discouraging.  She describes him as having “blubbering lips” and she’s definitely not happy with him.  But these two have been through a lot, and their bond has remained strong.  I’m sure this isn’t their first fight, or the first time he’s disappointed her.  This isn’t the end for them.  Just another bump on a very long highway they’ve traveled together.

...

OMG this has turned into a monster of a post, rambling all over the place.  I hope it’s coherent enough to follow.  I’m just in lore overload at the moment (and enjoying every second.)  I know I’m forgetting things I wanted to talk about, too, but I’m going to go ahead and post it as it is.