#i wrote a third thing and i noped myself and deleted because i got too embarrassed but lets say tops hips a grin and post-mew finding out

[chinko-kun]

wrote 2(?) Mini MewTop fanfic, here yall go--

1

Before I could get a good look at him, Boston introduced Top and I could feel the walls begin to crumble around me as he leaned in and whispered, sweet and warm, with the smell of cherries and whiskey on his breath.

“Can I be your friend?”

Cursing a chill that descended slowly down my spine as he pulled away into my sight for that first time and gave me the most scheming of smiles, I knew. 

Oh,

 fuck.

—

2

“Can you wait?” Mew asked between sun-dew kisses and lingering fingers, “I think we can be more than just a one-night stand”.

He knew how Top played around with the fellow students, he had seen him with Boston and listened to Ray’s worried tones. He knew he was asking for trouble from the very beginning.

 Here he was in the arms of the man who could have been a devil, scorching a flame in his pants, when he probably should be studying for his Business Major mid-term. Seriously, he should be studying. Not to mention his shift was coming up in an hour at the hostel he ran with Boston and Ray.

But you know, horny hot boy in his bed–in his arms–and he sorta liking the attention.

Shit. Focus. Priorities. 

Mew shakes himself and tries to pull away from Top when he noticed that Top was staring while he got lost in thought after he asked the pivotal question.

Instead, Top relaxes and brings Mew into the crook of his neck and hums. Not responding to the question in the air yet this soothes Mew’s wandering worries.

Mew closes his eyes and rests his fingers upon Top’s taut chest, tapping to the beat of his heart. 

Top feathers his lips in Mew's hair and all Mew could think is how many people Top has been with and what if he could be the last. 

While it is a silly thought, Mew begins to dream.

[achillesmonochrome]

@supermarketcrayons thanks for the tag!!

Name: Leor / Jordan / Achilles (One of these names is actually in real paperwork, one of them WILL be in paperwork, and the other one is just a pseudonym I choose for who knows what reason. I prefer not to answer which one is which unless you are a friend)

Fandoms (I write for): Currently? Riordanverse I guess. In my ao3 account I also have works of my hero academia and how to train your dragons. If we go with my past works in my ff net account we would be here awhile, also I don’t count those anymore because it has been years since I was in any of them and I doubt I will be back. 

Two-shot: ...I actually didn’t remember if I had something, turns out I have. The only true two-shots I have are New Feelings and Divagaciones de amor. Logically I should put urls on these, but I will not because one of them has horrible spelling and grammatical issues and the other is in another language, and probably not very good overall. You want to read them? Find them. 

Most popular multi-chapter: (sighs) I will hate myself for admitting this, but fuck it, if you found my ff net account you will find them, and is not like is difficult to find my ff net account. The answer is��“Viviendo con mi mejor amiga” is a trainwreck I wrote when I was still starting into writing, barely a teen, and somehow got me 54 reviews with a somewhat popular ship in the spanish fandom.  The only reason I’m not burning that shit to the ground is because I have a policy of never deleting my works, no matter how bad they are, because somebody may still find comfort in those and I don’t want to take that away from them.  And yes somehow my most successful time as a writer was when I was like 13/14, barely knowing how to write, and with such weird scenarios that would make a sitcom look like your daily life. Go figure. 

Actual worst part of writing: This answer changes depending on my mood, but since I haven’t been able to write since march. The worst part is actually starting to write. 

How you choose your titles: Sometimes is a song, sometimes is the first thing that I thought before writing, I had a couple who were just my opinion of said work; that last one don’t have the most presumptuous titles. 

Do you outline: Yes, but mostly when I don’t actually write them LOL.  A lot of times I would have an idea, made the barebones of the scene, but never actually write it, I just share the idea with a friend.  Other than that? Nope, mostly because I stick to one shots so is not that necessary; I used to do them when I had thought writing long-fics was a good idea. (This is not bashing long-fics, is actually what I mostly write. My problem is that I’m fucking incapable of writing a long fic and actually committing to finish it. Writing long-fics is not a bad idea, MY writing long-fics on the other hand, is.)

Ideas I probably won’t get around to but wouldn’t it be nice: Where the fuck do I start.  Like, I cannot fucking count them all, but let me say some of the top of my head. ReBiancaRoNico, Khione!Piper, Aphrodite!Annabeth, Juno!Jason, Angels of Death/Messengers of the Underworld, Persephone!Nico, Reyna and Nico travelling together, Bianca and Thalia as praetors-Jason and Nico as CHB campers, soulmate jasico au, Hero of the Prophecy!Bianca, Harry Jackson universe-

Fucking shit that is the things that I can think of the top of my head, and is not even a third of all of my ideas. 

This is why I cannot write long fics, I would think of something else WAY too quickly. 

Callouts @ me: Fucking go to the freaking doc and write, stop being a coward. 

Best writing traits: I think I do emotions fairly well, I can get creative if you give me prompts, I can also write stuff I’m not the most comfortable or is a ship I dislike. 

Spicy tangential opinion: Bea actually wrote my spicy opinion, so I guess the other one I have is that the concept of writing is “cringey stuff” is one of the stupidest things you can say. Let people write self insert fics, mary sues, edgelords; I don’t give an absolute fuck how you think is “not real writing”, most of the people write fanfics for fun; if you somehow think there is a correct way to have fun, you fucking have issues pal. 

Tagging (no pressure of course!): @happyk44 ,  @thedoemeination , @celtictreemuffin , @mr-crocodile ,  @jarvis1980 , @10blue10 , and anybody who wants to do this!

[revengeisalwaysanoption]

[Skam Italia - HDM AU] Ficlet: Wonder

Hi there, I don’t even know what this is... But I really wanted to start doing it for myself, and use writing as my coping mechanism during stressful weeks again. And I decided I might as well just work on the first idea that would hit me, yesterday. I ended up having to work on this THREE times: 1. I wrote it directly into a Tumblr on my mobile and Tumblr deleted EVERYTHING. 2. Then I went on Word and before I could remember to save what I was writing, I had to restart from scratch AGAIN.

WTH!! Anyway, I didn’t give up and here it is… Third time really is the charm?  This goes out to my fellows HDM fans, hope you will appreciate it <3

******************

Martino doesn’t quite understand what’s happening, here. How come he is the only one mesmerized by that creature morphing into seven different animals in the span of just half an hour?

When he first saw them, they were a rainbow leaf beetle. Then a lynx, a weasel, a meerkat, a lemur, a mandarin duck - how could that go unnoticed?! - and now they are a black and yellow hummingbird. Unbelievable. There's no kid around here, and Marti has never met someone above the age of 10 whose dæmon so blatantly refused to settle on a form for more than 5 minutes.

Perhaps those around him prefer to ignore what they can't figure out. He's been there, done that. Nearly let his wilful ignorance - if he didn't acknowledge his feelings, then they didn't exist, right? - destroy his friendship with Giovanni. Never again.

Or maybe they pity that poor soul, which doesn't fall into what they would label as 'normal'. Like they usually do with Fulvio... He can and will tear anyone who would dares to lift a finger against his family to shreds, but all people see is a scrawny fox. Barely able to fend for himself, let alone Marti's mother.

He's been there too. Not a place he'd like to go back to. Nope. 0/5 rating on TripAdvisor and all that.

"Show off..." Delia hisses, but she is clearly amazed as well. She doesn't mind being either a snake or an ermine these days - she loves to coil around his neck, to be both a comforting and slightly suffocating weight on his shoulders - but it's clear that she misses that infinite potential. The freedom to be whatever she fancied. The ease with which she could turn into whatever Marti needed.

"Hey... You haven't let me down. Don't be so hard on yourself." Their ego is still a bit bruised from finding out that Gio got himself a lioness and not a mother hen, but really... Given how fiercely she would shield Giovanni and his friends from harm, it's hardly surprising that Minerva went for something lethal.

It used to bother him, how anyone would take for granted that he was a sly cold-hearted bastard simply because they associated those stereotypes with a snake. Judging from his father's seemingly snuggly beagle, you would never guess what major assholes they both were. And yet...

He tried forcing Delia to be a lovely and overeager puppy, or a wide-eyed fawn... It felt so wrong. He ended up feeling so hollow, and disconnected from her, up to the moment he just let her be.

So what if they weren't meant to be cute and cuddly, but strong and resilient? At least they were being true to themselves... And he was whole again.

"Look who talk-... Oh?" She's cut short by the humming bird approaching. “Hey! I caught you looking! Pretty cool, right? We worried for years on what I would get stuck on, and then it didn’t happen! We tend to do that… Worry about things that haven’t happened yet or might never happen! Don’t you?” Delia freezes as the bird reverts to the beetle form , buzzing excitedly around her. And then, unexpectedly, she relaxes and even lets them land on her fur. Woah. That’s new. Is this really the same dæmon who is afraid to catch cooties from snuggling with her best friend? Who scares away children’s because she can’t be bothered to interact with anyone that isn’t Martino? “You aren’t stuck on one form either? That’s awesome! You go, girl! Or dude. Sorry, I shouldn’t assume your gender because of your human.” What kind of alternative universe has he accidentally stepped into? He should feel uncomfortable watching the unknown – and potentially deadly! – creature interact his most intimate companion… And yet he doesn’t. It’s absurd, but it feels like he has known them forever. “Agnes! Boundaries! I’m so sorry… Is she bothering you? I’m afraid she never quite learnt about personal space.” What a deep, velvety – a bit too nasal, but still pleasant – voice. Not belonging to a snotty little brat, obviously. But to the most beautiful man Martino has ever seen. Oh fuck.

[fourteenacross]

end of 2019

I've done this survey every year since like, 2006 and then missed it last year because I was on a social media break. Whoops! My shitty memory makes it fairly important as a way to track the passage of time, so I'm back on the horse this year.

What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? I'm sure there's some specific thing, but nothing's coming to me immediately. Oh, I guess I started cross stitching? Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I'm not sure what my resolutions were for last year because I did not write them anywhere because I did not do this meme /o\ Next year: + Set up some kind of writing schedule + Finish my mg novel + Survive moving + Get a new job + Go on more dates

eta: Outside of these sort of concrete, 2do-list type goals, I set some more nebulous personal goals on Twitter: - See my local friends outside of the BFC more often - Do weird, dumb shit - Be nicer to myself - Fix my meds - Bake something fancy(Okay, that last one is kind of 2do-listy.) Did anyone close to you give birth? YES!! @caphairdadbeard had a baby and he's perfect and I love him and it kills me that he's so far away and I only get to see him a few times a year, even more so than it usually kills me having Sarah so far away. Did anyone close to you die? My former roommate's father. I did a lot of family stuff with her over the decade that we lived together and spent a lot of time with her parents and he was super loved and admired by his community. A real shitty loss all around. What countries did you visit? Just the US, but I visited Seattle and Mississippi for the first time! What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019? ~*~Financial security~*~ What dates from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I'm so terrible with actual dates. May 9 was Max's birthday, so there's that? We did a lovely, successful live show on April 18. OH we went to Rent Live and had our wild weekend in LA on January 26. We watched a lot of wild movie musicals at Grace and Jesse's in July. I saw Blair Witch in the woods. I went down to the city to see Octet and Hadestown. Lisa moved in with me. Moby-Dick happened. Now I'm just listing events and not dates, but there you go. What was your biggest achievement of the year? God, do I even have one? I'm not dead, so that's probably something. Oh, I guess we had a really good WBS month where we were interviewed by Forbes.com, had one of our crossovers with IDEOTV, guest edited TBD, and had our live show. That was a really satisfying few weeks. What was your biggest failure? I'm haunted by this work thing I fucked up, even though everyone has told me it wasn't a big deal. I really crash and burned out for NaNo because SAD hit me way harder and faster this year than it has in the past. Did you suffer illness or injury? Lots of brain stuff, as per usual. A couple minor colds. My FAMILY on the other hand.... What was the best thing you bought? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Tickets to Octet, maybe. It was probably my favorite show of the year. The new chair/loveseat is also very good. Whose behavior merited celebration? Some of my friends. A lot of excellent activists. Sarah's baby (he's very good). Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Like, the whole government? Where did most of your money go? Grown-up type stuff (rent, utilities, groceries), cons, and travel. What did you get really, really, really excited about? LA, Octet, Max, DragonCon, Moby-Dick. Galentine's! What song will always remind you of 2019? Probably music from Octet? I don't like.....listen to the radio. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? Probably about the same? Maybe more stressed out by family stuff going on and money stuff. b) thinner or fatter? Same. Also, I hate this question. 2020 Kaitlyn, delete it plz. c) richer or poorer? About to be poorer. What do you wish you’d done more of? Writing. Sleeping. Going on dates. Hanging out with people. What do you wish you’d done less of? Being depressed. Being stressed. Did you fall in love in 2019? Nope. What was your favorite TV program? If we're talking "currently airing" and not "things I bingewatch that are very old," probably The Good Place--OH I almost forgot Good Omens was this year!!! Also that! And I started watching Schitt's Creek and watched all of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Oh, and I started watching some videos on the Bon Appetit YouTube channel, mostly Gourmet Makes and Making Perfect and Reverse Engineering. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Mostly just like...........people I don't actually know who are terrible humans. What was the best book you read? Coming soon to a podcast feed near you! What was your greatest musical discovery? Probably Octet? I don't think I listened to a lot of new music this year. OH WAIT, The Highwomen!!! What a good album!!! (Also in doing the theatre section I just remembered Six was this year too!) What did you want and get? Mostly material things--clothes, cons, travel, seeing people, tickets to things, etc. Impeachment. Got that. That was nice. What did you want and not get? Financial security. A new job. Emotional stability. A relationship. More sleep. What was your favorite film of this year? Captain Marvel, although Us, Charlie's Angels, and The Wind were very good too. What was your favorite theatrical event of the year? Probably Octet! The broadway version of Hadestown was kind of disappointing compared to the 2016 NYTW version and Moby-Dick is great fun, but still pretty rough in places. Octet is just.....very good.  Oh, or SIX, that was great too! Octet or Six. Oh, and, jesus, this year was a hundred years long, I totally forgot we saw Denee as Eliza this year!! She was very good!! And I got to see Daniel Breaker as Burr again and I fucking love him. What was your favorite podcast of the year? The Empty Bowl, a meditative podcast about cereal. It is so good for zoning out and being calm. TAZ has been killing it with the one-shots and the Amnesty arc, too, and this was the first year I listened to MBMBaM weekly and also I mainlined all of Sawbones after listening to half of it, then not listening to any for six months, then deciding to start from the beginning again. Unwell is a really good show that I recommend, and Mabel. The Magnus Archives killed it with season four, which was tailored to my exact narrative tastes. MFM and Criminal are perpetual faves. American Hysteria was super interesting to go through and Bear Brook and In the Dark both obviously had fucking fantastic years. Oh, and Who the Hell is Hamish? that was fun too. And I’ll stop now.

I.....listen to a lot of podcasts. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 34! On the day, I went out for dinner and drinks with some friends. That weekend, I bought a bunch of children's Captain Marvel birthday supplies and we played Jackbox games and ate cake! What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Any sort of fix to our current political mess. And/or financial stability. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019? The "Whimsical" section on eShakti. What kept you sane? Friends! Podcasts! Anti-depressants! Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Brie Larson and Starr Busby are the first that spring to mind. What political issue stirred you the most? It’s hard to pick just one when the whole country is on fire. Who did you miss? Pretty much everyone when they are not right next to me. Sarah Bay, a lot, but I feel weird singling one person out. [This is exactly what I wrote for the last four years, but I’m keeping it because it’s still true.] Who was the best new person you met? Did I meet new people this year? I know I internet-met a couple people, but I'm not sure if I in-person made any new friends? We hung out with this girl Jenn at con a bunch, she was pretty cool! edit: oh my god MAX I met MAX this year because he did not exist last year!!! Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019: Do not invite folks to sit on a panel unless you know they'll stick to the goddamn topic agreed on in advance. Quote a song that sums up your year: And no one grew into anything new / we just became the worse of what we were

(I think this is the third year in a row that Dave Malloy has been my lyric of the year.)

Anyway, that’s 2019 for me. I can’t say I’m sorry to see it go. The last half, in particular, was super rough. Hell, the last week was super rough--guess how many members of my family have been in the hospital in December! If you guessed “six” you would be correct!! (Everyone is more or less fine.) 

But, hey, it also brought me my tiny nephew and two Dave Malloy musicals, so it wasn’t all bad! 

I hope 2020 treats you all well, friends!

[whimsicalethnographies]

My Thoughts on Endgame

Major spoilers and a TL;DR on how it all collapsed under its own wibbly wobbly timey wimey logic

So, to start, it was fine.  Like, it was just fine.  There were parts I liked, parts I hated, parts I refuse to except as canon (and may not have to), and parts that just didn’t make any damn sense.

And at the bottom of it all, is how the movie was “a gift to the fans” and, while unspoken, a swan song.  The fan service was TOO heavy, and it really felt as though they thought of their fanservice moments, and then built the story around those, rather than building a story and finding fanservice moments to sneak in.

Ok, things I liked:

There were genuinely funny moments, most of which didn’t feel smushed in.  Nobody likes the stairs Hulk, and I’m glad that Steve has accepted that sometimes his Cap lines are a little Too Much.

While I hated the death, I do like that Tony Stark is literally the messiah of the universe.  He didn’t owe anybody anything anymore, but he still took the step and made the sacrifice to protect his wife and his reality and his children.  Plural.

I did like Tony being done, wanting out, yelling at the group.  He was at his end and couldn’t do it anymore, and while there are legit discussions to have about CW--I think they were both wrong in a way--but the fact is he was right about the greater threat and nobody believed him.

I can’t believe a dorky photo of Peter Parker looking like a fish and messing up bunny ears and Tony Stark not smiling saved the universe.

Tom Holland is gonna win an Oscar some day.  I knew what happened going in--I HATE not knowing--so while I got teary during several points, I started blubbering when he said, “we won, Mr. Stark.  Mr. Stark, we won.  You did it, sir.”

RDJ should win an Oscar for this.  There were moments that were OOC but he still put everything into it.  Him, Nat, and Peter were really the only ones I *felt* in this movie.  

Their reunion hug--Peter coming back and being Purely Peter, and Tony looking at him, like oh my god, he’s exactly the same and I can’t believe he’s rambling like this I missed him so much.”

“Activate Instant Kill!”  Oh, my sweet baby boy Peter.  You kept the gauntlet safer than longer than anyone.

Tony Stark has been my Pretend Superhero Dad since I first saw Iron Man in 2008 in a dollar theater while munching on a sneaked-in Whopper.  He is Iron Dad, both to Morgan and his Spider-son and he took an extra step, one he didn’t have to do, to make sure they both made it ok.

Also, and I love Carol, but Thanos yeeted her the fuck off the field with the power stone.  Tony Stark withstood the power stone using his nanotech shield on Titan.  Most Powerful Avenger.

Scott is a joy.  

Cap and Mjolnir was an okay scene I enjoyed, but it was a prime example of writing the story around fanservice.  Yeah, it was fun, but it was better to imagine he couldn’t fully lift it in AoU because he knew about Bucky and the Starks, so he wasn’t fully worthy.

Now, the things I *didn’t* like:

How did Carol find the Benetar?  And how did she get it back?!  Like, I know because she’s the embodiment of the Space Stone she technically has omnipresence and/or is capable of light speed, but does that extend to other objects?  Wouldn’t it have torn the Benetar apart?  

The time jump was *off.*  And I have a hard time believing Tony would have just moved on like that.  I think he would have tried, but it was too easy, considering.

The strange mismatch between desolation--NYC, arguably the most important city in the world, is a ghost town, while other places are fine?  More on infrastructure problems later.

Hulk dabbing.  Come on.  Was that a joke on Bruce being old and out of touch, or are people still dabbing in 2023?

Thor.  Oh Thor.  His PTSD was treated as a joke--save his convo with Frigga--and it sucked, especially since they did so well with Tony’s PTSD.  That’s the writers, who we all know have had their noses up Cap’s butt since forever.

The fact that it’s implied Pepper knew Tony wasn’t really happy when he went to talk to her about solving time travel.  That he wasn’t settled, that this still weighed on him, even when it was hopeless.  Why’d she let him build that life then?  

“You can rest now.”  Yeah, ok.  Suffer so much, finally get what you want in your grasp, then your reward is death.  See above.  It cheapens his sacrifice because it’s implied he was never fully immersed and happy with his life.

Nat got done dirty.  I wasn’t ok with it.  I know it was supposed to be the final, “erase the red in her ledger” moment but why?  Like Tony, she already had. 

The infrastructure issues.  The universe was halfed, then doubled, five years apart.  Even if we accept that all of Peter’s friends and Flash were snapped, still doesn’t fly.  See below for a possible out.

Cap.  Oh Cap.  My guy is dead but at least he’s The Hero.  But they ruined Cap’s character.  I don’t for a second believe he’d just sit and hide with Peggy.  And they discussed heavily what happens when you subtract something from a timeline, and the splits, but what happens when you ADD something?  I know the implication is that he was always Peggy’s husband, but it still doesn’t work, for the timelines stuff AND his character.  And who’d he steal the shield from?  He took something!  And I don’t for a single second believe he went to Vormir.  Nope.   This was Steggy fanfic.  And I don’t honestly care, but the fact is that he’s been working on moving FORWARD.  A man out of his time trying to find himself.  He literally took a step backwards.

Ok, adding on to that, the timey wimey nonsense.  The movie spent SO MUCH TIME explaining the logic of their own rules and then don’t follow them.  Here are some diagrams from my childhood bestie who gets time shit more than I do.

Apparently here is what they were trying.

They seesaw back and forth, but in the end Timeline F is the same as Timeline A, or the one they started from.

BUT, here’s her diagram of what actually happened:

It’s a big fat mess, and if the End Timeline is F, then the timeline where Tony snaps is D, and it got very confusing very fast.  She’s going to type it up for me, but apparently the last third of the movie can’t exist per their own logic, least of all the end, especially because we don’t know exactly what Tony wished for.  Was it the destruction of Thanos?  What happens when you add a past to a future then delete that past?  Where’s that timeline?  What happened with Steve’s stuff?  LOKI? A1 never ended because they literally took it. It’s not there anymore.  Steve stealing the Pym Particles?!  He took something and didn’t put it back. Another branch off.  Did Tony wish, “give me what I need to fix this?”  IF he did that, she posits, he smushed the timelines together to make everything coherent, AND potentially fix the infrastructure issues, so while A Tony’s BODY may have died, which Tony was it?  Did he have a moment in the soul stone, like Thanos?  Is that a requirement?  What did he do/say there?  (Also, just pointing out, never trust a funeral without a body, and the power of the Soul Stone is literally that no death is permanent.  That’s its canonical power!!)

There’s so much mess and I’ll have more when my friend sends along her stuff.  But I have NO problem deleting most of this from my mind, and I already have ideas to fix it, but I’ll leave those stories in the hands of people better able to tell them (I’m looking at you, @iron--spider) because I’m a dialogue bitch myself. 

I told @iron--spider last night I felt adrift, and typing this out I know why.  I’m not mourning, I’m not excited.  I’m devastated by Tony’s death but there’s so many logic holes my brain isn’t even struggling to see a way around it.  I’m livid about Steve, because he went backwards.  Thor’s trauma was played for laughs.  I have no satisfaction because of ALL THE HOLES, and because they literally wrote a story around fanservice--a huge amount of it their own--instead of writing the story and then adding fanservice to it.  

It was fine.  I’ll probably buy it when it’s released, but I don’t need to see it again.  And I’m curious about Far From Home because of the infrastructure but I don’t know if I’ll wait until it’s out on video just because I don’t have any urge to watch Peter Parker mourn another parent.

In the meantime, until the fix-its start rolling in, here’s a ready-made fix-it that Iron--spider wrote last year, to hold us through:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/15183011/chapters/35211239

It was fine.  And so full of holes it doesn’t even cement its own canon, despite what Disney officially decided to put on the big screen.  

“I recognize the council has made a decision, but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it.”

[themalhambird]

Fanfic asks, multiples of 3?

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

     I’ve never written reader inserts, so OC’s. I don’t tend to like reading reader inserts because they just feel unnatural to me.

6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

I have two versions of the same multi-chapter fic that I really wish I could erase from existence because I’m never going to finish it—I’ve lost interest in the fandom.  

9) In your xxx fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?

It’s not my favourite, as such, but that bit in Richard Suffers Chapter fifteen when Exton tells Edward what he’s done to Richard was the most intense thing I have ever written and I’m glad I decided to include it because I very nearly didn’t.

12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?

Richard. He’s very versatile and he goes through the wringer so well…

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

Oh god, naming. I HATE NAMING. I CANNOT DO IT. Names just sort of…spring up and fit and this is giving me problems at the moment because the OCs for my novel all have names like Richard, Edward, and Henry and I feel like I’m just writing really OOC fanfiction in a fantasy au.

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

The two I talked about earlier- basically, when I started writing them, the fandom was really small and I was getting basically no feedback, it just…didn’t feel worth the effort. Plus, I had exams and stuff going on. And then…I stopped writing, and lost interest in the fandom concerned, and now that fandom’s getting bigger I just…still can’t bring myself to care. And I mean there are more, way more- my original work about a couple of gay regency naval officers that I gave up on because it was too much research, stuff I abandoned because it got overly complex or I wrote myself in to a corner. If it spans more than one chapter, I’m more likely to abandon it than not.

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

You, @nuigiliath , @shredsandpatches : the amount of historical accuracy and detail that does in to all your fics is really impressive and the kind of thing I want to get better at doing myself….

24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

Okay, so. Here’s the thing. Theoretically, it’s fine, I quite enjoy it. In practice…I have to be in a very specific mood. And then…the moment I read it back after it’s been posted a while I am very embarrassed by it the quality seems very very bad and awkward (this may also have something to do with the fact that feedback for smut fic is lot lower than for any other kind…)

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

There’s a general outline that exists for two seconds and then is tossed aside. I’m awful at planning. I’m too impatient…

30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Nope.

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

The general outraged “noooooooooo poor baby” I generated with Richard Sufffers. I LOVED IT.

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

For the novel which I’m thinking about starting: if you’re going to attempt to smother your boyfriend’s legitimate child, make sure your boyfriend’s wife doesn’t walk in- it’s a sure way to ruin the friendship that was kind of springing up between you.

39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?

Third. Every time. I can barely stand to read first person, let alone write in it.

42) Song fic - What made you decide to use the song xxx for xxx.

I don’t do song fics, I’m not really that into music generally.

45) What spurs you on during the writing process?

Attention. Richard Suffers TM was essentially a month long high. Write a chapter. Get feedback. Feel happy. Write another chapter, get more feedback. Start writing even more quickly, get two chapters out in a day get even more feedback and also people being impressed about the speed of your writing….this has its downsides, of course: Richard Suffers was, at the end of it, a rush job that could have been far more effective if I’d taken my time, hence my plans for an extensive rewrite. The other problem is that this gives me very little  motivation to write my own original stuff: no existing fandom to impress and anyway I don’t want the whole thing posted on line if I’m going to publish it….I might have to give NaNoWriMo another go this year…

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?

Idk…I’m currently enjoying inverting the “there’s only one bed” trope in puppet king! AU, where the fact that Henry and Richard end up in the same bed drives them further apart rather than getting them together, but I don’t know if that counts or not.

[areswriting]

a x e : xxiv

“No one has seen us yet, we can just make something up.” Says Jason. He casually thumbs through a magazine and misses the look I give him.

“What this time?” I say, looking at my reflection against his black computer monitor. “Because if we say we got into another fist fight—”

“We’re not going to say that,” he interjects. I turn my head to see him casting me a look similar to the one I had just given him.

“What then?  Another hockey injury? Because honestly, Jason who in their right mind will let us play if all we ever do is injure ourselves?”

With a loud sigh, Jason sets the magazine down and slowly sits himself upright on his bed. “Look, Abram, I’ve been doing this a while—and people ask less questions than you think. We’ll just say our Uber driver mugged us.”

My mouth falls open—full of questions that I won’t ask. Jason is right—people don’t want to know the truth. Lies, no matter how grand, are easier to digest. I force my lips into a thin line and nod. I like mugged by a stranger more than beat by my father.

▲ △ ▼ ▽

New text message: 805-555-9811

I miss you.

(message read)

I just feel like I need to reiterate that I love you.

(message read)

I try to focus on my calculus homework, but the incessant vibrating from my phone won’t let me. I flip it screen up to see a third text from Sylvia.

I love you so much, Abram. I wish things were different, easy. I wish I could rewrite our story. Undo all of the damage, delete the bad chapters, write myself into someone worthy of you.

I send a read receipt and look up. On the other side of the library I see Elise behind a pile of books, and she looks away almost instantly. My whole body tenses as I recount our last conversation.

I love you.

It doesn’t mean anything if you don’t remember in the morning.

But you will remember.

I set my jaw and push my pencil against the paper with so much force that the tip of the lead snaps off, leaving only jagged remnants. I wonder—is this what my heart looks like?

My phone vibrates again and I pick it up with an agitated sigh. To my surprise, it isn’t Sylvia—it’s Brody.

Pookie did you see the new game schedule?

There’s a new one?

Yes.

Ok?????

Lol

wtf what is it

my man the typhoons and tigers can’t play for the next two weeks, they all have the flu.

shut up

see you on Saturday loml

REALLY?

yES in Boston

YOU ARE LYING

NO I’M SERIOUS

you swear??????//

I PROMISE.

klasdjskaljsa

same!!

New text message: Ellie.

You better bring Elise.

I glance up from my phone and back to the table Elise sits at. Her head is bowed and she clicks a pen beside it, one foot tapping against the floor. I don’t know if she’s deep in thought, or aware of my staring. Regardless, I look away.

I screen shot Ellie’s text, along with Brody’s and send them to Elise through Instagram.

@Dyer: you’re wanted in boston this weekend.

@lislaire: only by ellie?

@Dyer: no, not only by ellie. I want you there, too.

@lislaire: I’m literally twenty feet away, you could have just came and told me.

@dyer: you looked really busy over there.

@lislaire: you were staring at me?

I look up from my phone to see Elise looking back at me with an eyebrow raised.

@dyer: more like admiring, like I’m looking at art.

@lislaire: you are so cheesey, abram dyer.

@dyer: so why are you blushing?

▲ △ ▼ ▽

The week drags by so slowly that when Friday morning comes, I’m close to imploding with anticipation. I’m the first person on the team to climb into one of the black Mercedes vans, and I’m on the edge of my seat the whole way. A drastic difference to Jason, who sits beside me, sunken into himself with his headphones in and his hood pulled well over his head.

We go directly from the buses to practice at Boston Newton High School. I wish I had considered how much it would hurt to come back to the last place my mother hugged me. I can still see her in the stands when I look at them—pinpointing the last place she cheered for me from.

The sound of the buzzer pulls my attention back to the ice, and practice starts. It ends just as abruptly, and while I file in line behind my teammates to go to the visitor’s locker rooms I hear whistles and yelling from the bleachers. I’m not the only one who turns their head—but I’m the only one that matters. At least to the three people making the noise.

Brody, Ellie and to my surprise, Elise, stand in that order at the boards. Part of me wants to skate and jump the boards—but that same part of me knows Coach will have my head if I do anything but walk forward.

“I’m glad to see your friends made it,” says Jason from behind me.

I glance back at him. “They go to school here, Jason.”

He mumbles something under his breath, and I chose to let it go, because I understand his anger. I shower and change and all but run out of the locker room—my eyes on my phone as I type a message to Brody—and straight into someone else.

I look up and all I see is black fabric and blond hair as Brody throws himself at me like he hasn’t seen me in months or years instead of weeks. And I hug him just the same.

“I swear, one day I’m going to wake up to a note on my pillow from Brody telling me that he and Kai finally eloped,” says Ellie.

“Aw, are you jealous, Ellie?” I say, arms still wrapped around Brody, my chin resting on his shoulder.

“I mean, no, but sometimes I think I should be,” she says. “He doesn’t hug me like that.” She looks at Elise. “What about you?”

“Nope,” Elise laughs. “He’s never been that affectionate to me.”

I place a kiss on top of Brody’s head. “What are you doing here, Elise? I thought you wouldn’t be here until tomorrow.”

“I took a personal day,” she says.

The locker room door opens and the four of us turn our heads. Jason looks as surprised to see us as we are to see him. But his face contorts to something else—something rabid as he takes in the sight of me and Brody, still tightly embraced.

“Hey, Jase,” says Brody as he pulls away from me.

Jason rolls his eyes, moves to walk around us, but stops short. “Oh, that’s cute. Of course you’re here.”

“Jason…” Elise tries to say, but he steps around her and stomps away from us.

“Bless his heart,” says Ellie.

“When did you become a sassy southern woman, babe?” asks Brody.

“I wasn’t being sassy!” she replies. “I genuinely feel bad for him!”

“Thanks, Els,” I say. “That’s doing a lot for my guilt right now.”

“But that’s not what it means when you say bless your heart,” Brody goes on. “Its actual translation from southern to northern is: Wow, you’re so fucking stupid.”

Ellie rolls her eyes at both of us. “Whatever—Kai, what do you want to do first?”

I clinch my jaw and push my hair behind my ear. “I want to see my mom.”

▲ △ ▼ ▽

Emilia Monroe Dyer

For love is always with you,

and love is stronger than death.

I read the words on my mom’s tombstone five times—love is stronger than death. And I can’t feel anything but anger for those five words and how they mock me. Having no one else to do this for her—I know those words were handpicked by my mother. Part of me wonders if she always knew she would be the epitome of only the good die young—and if she did, why didn’t she warn me?

My throat tightens and my eyes burn with tears that I can’t contain. And I drop to my knees. An uncontrollable, shoulder shaking sob leaves me and I am quick to cover my mouth.

Two hands touch my shoulders, one firm, one soft—I don’t need to look to know that they belong to Brody and Elise. I faintly hear Ellie whisper something, and Brody unclamps his hand while Elise kneels down beside me.

When she wraps her arms around me, I fall apart between them, face buried in her hair, fingers clinging to her dress. My body shakes and my cries grow louder, but she only holds me tighter.

“For love is always with you, and love is stronger than death,” Elise whispers. “She left that for you, Abram. It’s Oscar Wilde. Her love for you will always be here.” She places her hand over my heart and I hold onto it.

She holds me until my breathing is steady and helps wipe tears from my face.

“I should have brought flowers,” I say. “Tulips. They’re her favorite.”

Elise produces a package from her purse, and when she opens it, I see that it’s a bag of new pens. “What about something a little more useful?” she says as she offers them to me. “Your mom wrote everything by hand.”

“How did you know that?” I ask, gingerly pulling one of them out.

She smiles. “I have been obsessed with her since I was thirteen—I know everything—I mean…”

“No, it’s ok,” I say with a sniffle. “I am that way with Simon.”

“Flowers whither,” Elise says. “But pens—”

“Dry out,” I say half-heartedly.

“That’s why I brought a whole pack,” she says. “And next time we can bring more. Besides, she’s obviously getting flowers from other people. Even tulips.”

I look at the pile of fresh flowers, only then really noticing them. I wonder who could have brought them, then realize my mother had a life outside of me. Friends, boyfriends, readers.

I stick a pen tip down into the dirt, then offer one to Elise.

“Thanks for thinking to do this,” I say. “And thanks for coming with me…This is my first time being back since she was buried.”

[mugler88]

Every Single Rupauls Drag Race Queen Ranked from 1 to 100 by David Mason You will notice as thece list goes it runs from HARSH to KIND being that we go from people who are wasting our time and perhaps not living an honest fantasy but trying to be something they FEEL they're SUPPOSED to be and talented artists who capture us as they reveal beautifully honest selves which bloom from their unconscious. The Top 25 are ICONIC GOLD and are identities who hold their own amongst all the queens. They are APEX PREDATORS and each could arguably be made number one depending on each persons values. This is MY list and therefore it reflects my values and needs. 100. Phi Phi O’Hara Shes actually the worst for being a horrible person who cant figure out why shes terrible and thats the worst part. I actually BOOED her in public when I saw her. Is it wrong to not like someone just because they were born??? I think it probably is BUT I dont like Phi-Phi because when they showed her mom her mom was like 26 and I just thought YUCK, unplanned pregnancy is just TACKY and I wouldnt have to deal with you if your mom just had the balls to own her own body and be responsible and kind to the Earth and abort you but apparently the apple doesnt fall far from the (say this in Goldie Hawn from Overboard voice) “short, fat, slut" and you come from a long line of short selfish inconsiderate people. Phi-phi is the best case as to why Planned Parenthood should be next to every McDonalds. 99. Kenya Michaels : Oh god Im disturbed by her. She was like that little doll from Trilogy of terror. I found her strong sexual identity so uncomfortable as it was just too obviously a defense mechanism from being a tiny rapeable person from a third world territory. Thats AWFUL to say but Im sorry its just what I saw. I didnt find it funny or sexy. I found it awful and cringy. Its NOT a reason to not like a person but it is a reason as to why I dont want to see her on my tv bending over and WAGGING HER TWAT at me. I dont want to celebrate her complex attempt at molestation management, Im sorry. Lets hope this is me just projecting. I know this is too much for the SECOND entry but Im just saying what I felt. I wish shed read a book instead of just GOING WITH THE SEX THING. 98. Kandy Ho: What gross name, what a skank not even a good skank like Samantha Fox, just a shitty skank. 97. Phoenix: Who? I really have to speed through this list I have to go to the gym. 96. Madame LaQueer: Id put her at 99 but I feel bad for her. Im a nice person. 95. Alisa Summers: i have no idea who this person is 94. Penny Tration: Oh fuck you for that stupid name. Get the fuck outta here. 93.Vivienne Pinay: Why did she think she was pretty or passable or fishy or WHAT? All I saw was “Hi, Can I get the lunch special? I’ll have tai Iced tea with Rad Prik Chicken and coconut soup. Thank you.” 92. Venus D-Lite: Venus is who I think of when I think of queens that dont matter. I didnt even say that to be mean. She just is. 91. Jaidynn Diore Fierce: ??? oh she was the one I think should be named PEANUT. 90. Naysha Lopez: What plane of consciousness thought this person needed to be seen? 89. Sasha Belle: Awkward entry! Rip off Mugler Chimera dress. HERES A TIP PEOPLE, dont try and copy the most amazing well made dress in the world that cost 300k to make and 900 years of 900 year old Parisian couturiers to make. I PROMISE YOUR VERSION WONT BE AS GOOD. If youre going to copy something also make sure said reference has a TEENSY bit of wiggly room for either styling OR improvement. The Mugler Chimeira dress does NOT. Stop looking at it, you cant have it. 88. Akashia: Maybe the first person to fall on the runway??? I dont know? I dont remember her exactly 87. Rebecca Glasscock: I went shopping with Ru once at Saks and a sales girl came up and said “Rebecca works here now!” Ru went from Cafe au lait to FISHBELLY faster than she could mutter... “Rebecca is here?…....now?” thank god the girl was like “Not today”… Cocoa pallor regenerated, shopping recommenced. Rebecca must have been INSANE. 86. Honey Mahogany: Who and Why and whatever…. 85. Derrick Barry: Nope. 84. Robbie Turner: I wish you were Tina Turner 83.Cynthia Lee Fontaine:The cowboy look was like a THANKSGIVING revelation that GRANPA IS A CROSS DRESSER?!?! 82. Darienne Lake: Dip into the cool water of Darienne Lake was the best thing about her and that was Rus doing so.. BYE and shes from like Rochester or some shit. YUCK mid/western New York is SKANK. 81. Ginger Minj: Just everything I don't appreciate. 80. BeBe Zahara Benet: She won season one and I think the prize was 10k and it shoulda gone to Nina. 79. Bob the Drag Queen: After the extraordinarily beautiful Violet won. The audience of sheep were put off by their inability to relate to her because they just arent as good as her so the next season they wrote the season about having a “peoples princess” win and that why we have SHITTY BOB the person who shouldnt have ever been invited. Whats WORSE and MORE ANNOYING is the LATENT worship of Violet after they realized JUST HOW GOOD SHE WAS ONCE THEY SAW BOB and Im sitting here with my fists clenched screaming YOU IDIOTS THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT?!?!?! Bobs season was the worst. 78. Delta Work: Shes the drag queens drag queen. Shes too bitter for tv though. Same reason as to why Jackie Beat isnt on tv, too sour for tv, but thats ok. There is certainly somethig to have the cache of being the type of queen you have to go out to see. When she botched the comedy challenge I felt for her. I could really relate. She has the comic ability and you could just hear the inner dialogue of self sabotage running in her mind. It sucked. Thats one of my challenges too. 77. Thorgy Thor: Funny smart queen that I like. Tv isnt a format that suits her. 76. Sahara Davenport : A sweet soul. 75. Yara Sofia: Ick… The best example of LEARN TO EDIT. Her styling is THE GOOP SHOW. You know how some people just have BAD VIBES? I just dont want her around me. I dont see her vibes swirling in a direction I wanna head towards. I kinda hate dreads, Id lie and not say it to sound cool but there just unsavory to me. Patchouli.. thats what I smell when I see them in my minds eye.They just make me ask.. Why do you deliberately choose to be kinda not so clean? Its some romantic notion I don't prescribe too. Im not earthy in that way. Im Earthy in a watermelons are fierce kinda way. 74. Kelly Mantle: This person is not Christine Baranski! Why are you telling me youre related to a baseball player like Im supposed to care? 73. Magnolia Crawford: ahahahahahahahahahah... that poor homosexual. He MIGHT be more disliked than phi-phi. THAT NOSE gets points.. it HAD to be a critique on nose contour right?! Does anyone ACTUALLY know her?! I feel like this might be some weird dare that a straight guy did and made it on the show. It was all so WEIRD?! 72. Jade. I really dont remember a damn thing but kinda thought she was a nice person maybe??? errr ummmm I just shrugged my shoulders to myself. 71. Lanaysha Sparks: She was quite lovely and even surprisingly talented on the craft contest but not knowing who Diana Ross is and your a drag queen is SATANISM. Poor bitch is from Puerto Rico, do you now Puerto Rico is twice as poor as the poorest state? That sucks. 70.Laila McQueen: Is this an OSBORNE CHILD?? Had she been on previous seasons she would have faired better. Seemed like a kid Id hire as an intern and could trust. 69. Serena ChaCha Oh my god Serena snook right by me?!?! AHAHAHAHAH Serena! Worst look of ALL TIME. how was SHE an art school student?! I cringed when she said that as Im an art school kiid and was like NO NO NOPE TAKE IT BACK CLOSE YOUR MOUTH! Serena was the victim of QUEEN ON QUEEN GANG BULLYING and what was worse is AMERICA BACKED THE GANG RAPE. It was like that scene in The Dark Crystal when the Skeksi looses the sword challenge and they all tear the clothes of him and banish him! Alyssa WENT IN on her….Coco even got a piece of Serena that day! Serena is lucky to be alive. 68. Jasmine Masters: Im disturbed by my own ability to impersonate Jasmine Masters. Its not THAT GOOD but its better than a 225lb Pollock should be able to do. Her Slinky worm routine makes me GIGGLE. She is ANGRY…...BLACK RAGE which I kinda appreciate in a way. I get it. I have gay rage so why cant she have BLACK RAGE?! 67. Tempest DuJour awww tempest.. We all like Tempest. Kinda funny shes a costume design teacher though no? She gave my husband a shirt and my husband wore it for her all day in Provincetown because my husband is like the sweetest person ever. I mean people were like “TEMPEST DU JOUR?!” they practically SPIT on him and he still wore it and he tagged her in the photo and she didnt even regram lolololol My poor husband, I love him so much. 66. The Princess: I made a comment about the Princess' look being shitty on Instagram once and all her fans went APESHIT. It was the two nastiest messages I ever deleted. 65. Monica Beverly Hillz I shoulda put her farther back. She was not so great. 64. Vivacious: Awwww the old battle axe of drag. I support her endaevor but her looks were so dated. I do however respect her respect for the art so… 63. Lashauwn Beyond: That name is so real. You can say she sucks but you can also say shes the spirit of drag taking you “up" so let her be. 62. Mrs. Kasha Davis: WOAH boy did she sneak by me?! She must have got here EARLY and just WAITED. She sucked so hard you kinda loved her for being honest. Kasha was like your olde gay neighbor whos taste level sucks but you respect her because she went through the AIDS crisis and is still smiling. Not even kidding. 61. BenDeLaCreme: I just did not like her. 60. Pandora Boxx: Oh god Pandora. Did you see that Unicorn video she made… bless this bitch. 59. Shangela Laquifa Wadley: Shangela was just cheap. Shangela is like the same taste level as like Paula Abdul, Mad Tv, Khols, a Sketchers Sneaker… I just never like what she does. I dont need it. Its poor person humor. Just because you say something LOUDLY doesnt make it more funny. ( as I type in CAPS) 58. Roxxxy Andrews: This poor bitch dug a damn hole… You know shes not likeable because she was shadey but she was more talented then anticipated in the creative challeges, and I thought she had nice skin. My husband HATES HER. 57. Kim Chi: One note. Refrigerator being pushed down a runway. I actually dont like her for not having the courage to be out to her parents. Its insulting to the rest of us. Buck up bitch, your mom already knows, shes known since you were 2. The fact you think she doesnt know is INSANE. Your non outness renders any talent moot. 56. Adore Delano: Thanks but Ive been to Hot Topic, NEXT. 55: Acid Betty: I don't remember much about the 00S BUT I STILL REMEMBER THOSE WIGS. 54. Courtney Act: Ok sure, but wheres the interesting part???? Her finale dress that was like rainbow hologram acetate was cool and nobody even mentioned it. 53. Trixie Mattel: I tried so hard to be nice to her in Provincetown and she was a cunt. Why are you a cunt to someone being NICE to you? 52. Coco Montrese : I could say mean shit but I wont. shes worked long and hard and deserves a clap. Shes not even a cunt. shes out of touch but shes from another world. Respect your elders. 51. Dida Ritz: Talk about out of touch. Her weird self loathing “Im a white girl” routine turned me into Jasmine Masters?! Like EWWW NO, learn to love yourself BITCH. We all know she did one of the best lip synchs ever. 50. Stacy Layne Matthews: Wait shes NOT black?!??? She was from BACK SWAMP, that gets TREMENDOUS "SWAMP CRED" She was so fat her hormones were just like "WHATEVER.. theres simply "NOT ENOUGH of us to go around?! WE DONT KNOW WHERE TO GO.. What do you wanna be today??? When was the last time youve seen your genitals because are you SURE youre still a male?? We dont know and could use some DIRECTION?!” and I appreciate that. I like people who are just like IM WHATEVER. Not everyone has to be a male or a female you know. 49. Jade Jolie: Jade is surprisingly the fishiest queen in my opinion. I saw her at the premiere party before her season started and we honestly thought she might be BIOLOGICAL. This holds some cache in an art of trying to be a woman at least SOMEWHAT. She made the unfortunate mistake of becoming Alyssas ENEMY which at the time was ACTUALLY kinda necessary because if you remember when Alyssa first started she was not the Alyssa we know and love and was kinda of a cunt who needed to get CLOCKED. BACK ROLLS has now been mutters a million times by ME ALONE and lets be honest WERE ALL now VERY CONSCIOUS of our back rolls now. I even got COOL SCULPTING and yes it worked. It works if youre like semi normal with a slight love handle or backroll but not if you have a spare tire because then its just like removing a brick from a wall, and no it didnt hurt, but get it done in Florida because procedures are cheaper there. Florida is basically LAWLESS, they also gave me a VITAMIN DRIP as I did it. That is not legal in NYC. Jade had horrible style and made what looked like NAZI MATRIX PORN but dont imagine that in a good sorta Night Porter chic Nazi way. Imagine it as a black vinyl raincoat that that greasy haired kid in high school who wasnt allowed to be a faggot because you already had that role and did it better so he sorta segued into FETISH GOTH would have and now imagine him filming himself masturbating with a NON APPLE iPhone to a Marilyn Mason poster… That was her porn. 48. Sonique: Sonique is responsible for one of the wisest self realizations to ever surface on RPDR to me. After getting the chop she said something along the lines of “Well I guess theres more to life than being better than everyone.” YUP. Stop competing, life isnt a competition. You do you and thats your challenge, forget about everyone elses storyline. 47. Mystique Summers Madison: DANGEROUS PERSON but such good TV. To me it seems Mystique has the kind of tongue that can only tell lies, which is sad because that means she thinks whatever the truth is is so terrible she has to come up with an alternative. Thats unfortunate. That said I dont want her in my home. If she lies to herself and others this means she feels she doesnt have to play by the rules and probably steals. Did I just imagine her a thief? Yes, I did. I imagined her at a party at my house slipping one of my Versace candy dishes in her pocket WITH THE SOUR PATCH KIDS STILL IN IT. 46. Gia Gunn: Gia to me really is the sorta line between the queens you care about and the queens you take the opportunity to go get a drink while they come on stage. I took my two assistants on that Drag Cruise as a present and I cant remember what exactly happened but somebodies sneakers were TEMPORARILY ABDUCTED and Gia was UNNFUCKED and SURLY ABOUT IT. Gia on the show was half gross and half awesome. I feel shed LIKE to be nice but has so much DEFENSIVE ANGER she can't. Its a mistake as shed be much more successful if she got over that. She really feels herself despite having a wonky eye, really short legs, and likening herself to Talapia and aligning herself to TIM GUNN??? Your fashion references are from TV????!… OH GURL… NO!.… I like her though. Shes a talented performer. I feel like Gia is that friend you have thats sorta like a bad dog on leash. You have to be careful with them when around kind people but theyre also helpful because theyre more than eager to be the bad guy if someone is bugging you. We all have that friend and theyre kinda fierce. 45. Mariah. Mariah walked into the room first episode and I thought DAMN shes FIERCE... and then she never looked that good again. If I was just going by tv, which Im 98% going by shed be placed lower BUT I saw her on that drag cruise and her performance was PERFECT. It was CLASSIC DRAG but executed flawlessly and she was nice when we got stuck in the elevator with her. I feel like she thinks she has to be mean or fierce or whatever when shed actually be more well received if she was the person I saw on the cruise who was down to Earth and chill. 44. Milan: Milan is one of the few New York Queens that Ive ACTUALLY SEEN OUT. These other queens im always like NEW YORK? NEW YORK WHERE?!? Im a third generation new Yorker who has lived here 18 years on my own and Ive never seen most of these queens who claim to be from NYC. Milan is nice and a talented performer. I was never into her drag because shes real STAGE oriented and real JULIARD STYLE ( I dunno if she actually went there) and thats just not my interest but she at least TRIED. 43. Dax ExclamationPoint: I feel Dax sorta made a mistake pigeon holing herself as “Queen of the nerds”, as soon as someone claims identity of something on camera queens for some reason HATE IT. I imagine its some kind of projected self loathing as gays are trained to hate themselves. Like how dare YOU assert yourself as something, you CANT do that youre a faggot. I seriously think this is the unconscious voice in 98 percent of gay guys heads and its why so many are self sabotaging or drug addicts and why there is no such thing as a gay gay icon and even kinda why DRAG EXISTS AT ALL. We cant like ourselves because straight society taught us to hate ourselves so we put it all onto a fantastic woman. Dax seems like a nice person who doesnt have that insane person need to “win” and therefore really shouldnt have been on the show as she just got used as sacrifice for hungrier queens. 42. Kennedy Davenport: Wait did I already do Kennedy Davenport because I really didnt like her??? huh I guess I didnt. Well maybe my unconscious mind liked her more than my reptile ego did and she got placed higher than anticipated. How can you hate on a hard working talent who has a retarded sister she has to support?! Jesus christ give the bitch a tip and never do less than a FIVE when tipping queens people A DOLLAR IS THE SAME THING AS A QUARTER! 41. India Ferrah: Oh god I worry saying mean things about India because I dont want to hurt her feelings as worry that she TEETERS ON SANITY but she to me is what drag is WHEN I DONT LIKE DRAG. Her “combat contour” is brutalist to the point of being vulgar. To me her styling concept is PUT EVERYTHING YOU OWN ON NOW BECAUSE MAYBE WE NEED TO RUN OUT THE DOOR AFTERWARD. I mean its the 8 foot braid with a giant bow, and the top hat, and the body stocking, and the thigh high boot, and the breast plate, now a giant necklace to cover the edge of the fake boobs, now put a spider SUCKLING THE TIT of the breastplate, oh wait I have TWO BOOBS and I NEED ANOTHER SPIDER, now add a couple jewels to the eyes of the spider OH WAIT spiders have six eyes so add four more… now what about belts, I only have TWELVE…. 40. Mimi Imfurst: OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?! She fucking CAPTURED India ferrah like some kind of MOUNTAIN TROLL?!?!? That was one of the most amazingly insane moments on TV ever! Then when Raven WENT IN on her in All Stars …omg I have that segment saved on my phone and just watch it when I need to feel “myself” again. Mimi on the cruise actually did the best read on the Michelle Visage roast. Shes smart but lets her inner voices get the best of her. We all have inner voices but I feel chubby people are chubby because the voices are louder. Im not even saying it to be a dick but it seems like with people who suffer from body issues LIKE ME the inner voices are so LOUD you can see them reacting to them on their face. Hang around me long enough and you'll totally see this. This is called being a function insane person! 39. Morgan McMichaels: Ahhh the Morgan McMonkey! Did you know shes actually Scottish, like from Scotland? That didnt come off on the show. Ok Morgan to me is interesting because as a person Morgan is just not my kinda person, she even has a SUPERMAN TATTOO and you know how much I hate Superman as to me he is the OPPOSITE OF CREATIVITY and a HERO TO SHEEP but that does NOT discount her talents. Ive seen her perform live and shes VERY good. Do I want to hang with her NO, is she a solid talent YES. I met her once and she tried to tell me she doesnt eat pork because PIGS DONT HAVE KIDNEYS. She said this while chain smoking cigarettes and drinking heavily… hmmmm. I dont even know how to organize the judgements I have. All this said I feel if Morgan was your friend you could trust her and shed definitely not be afraid of taking a hit to defend you. 38. April Carrion: She is the best example of being chopped too soon. Shes very talented and pretty and makes her own looks and I respect her abilities. She had more to offer as Ive seen other looks of hers and they were good. Too much of a shrinking violet to survive a comepetition. Shes quite lovely Im surprised she hasnt got some rich old benefactor. 37. Nicole Paige Brooks Oh my fuckin god Nicole Paige Brooks?!?!? Nicole is so important as she is SO MANY THINGS. Nicole is the ESSENCE OF REGIONAL TALENT. She is THE small town coke head faggot drag queen WE ALL KNOW. My mom would have had her on PROBATION. The spirit that has possessed Nicoles body is an ancient spirit which haunts every rural gay bar! Remember how she had the hots for Raven and also had FRECH TIP TOENAILS?!…That BODY built EXCLUSIVELY by COCAINE. Ugh.. Ive never even seen Nicole but I know her sooo well. Nicole has that IVE BEEN TO PRISON and ALSO HAVE CHILDREN and ALSO HAVE A CLOSETED BLACK BOYFRIEND vibe that is SO PURE. Nicole is the queen who marches in the regional gay pride parade wearing flat sandals and a bikini and ACCEPTS TIPS while she does it! Nicole might also work at BEST BUY when “O.D” (out of drag). and when in drag theres also the worry that she might ACTUALLY O.D. Nicole is important. 36. Carmen Carrera: Ok Carmen is from Jersey where its NOT EASY to be a gay soul. Carmen once tried to tell me its ok that straight guys call you a faggot there because its not an isult its just what you are… EEEESSSSHKKK That is some HARDCORE Stockholm Syndrome. I could say more but its none of my damn business. Im not crazy about Carmen because I think shes made some choices based on where shes from but thats none of my damn business so I’ll shut the fuck up. To me Carmen is an example of an unfortunate situation. Ive had to deal with those hardened Jersey boys as a kid and as a tender gay boy its NOT A NICE THING and it would have been easier for me if I was just a girl too. Yes shes pretty, I wish her happiness. If I was raised where she was maybe I would have killed myself. In a way she sorta did I guess but also rebirthed herself.. maybe I need to give her more credit. Im going to add this. Most of us have to deal with being a "faggot" in a straight world and deal with it however we choose. I for example fetishisize it as for me its a safe place thats at least exciting as its FIERCE to have your hot husband call you a faggot as he bangs your puss hole out. At least that way youre dealing with the anxiety in a safe place and its HOT its also a lot easier than getting a sex change, pretending it never happened, and siding with your abusers in an effort to make the best of a bad situation. Maybe Ive made the wrong choice, see instead of siding with them and changing my sex I went punk and just write horrible things about them on St Patricks day and work out a lot so I can intimidate them on the street. SIDENOTE I have NEVER had someone make an anti gay comment to me when they're by themselves, have you ever noticed that? The comments are only made when youre out numbered... fuckin pussies. 35. Jiggly Caliente: Jiggly is real. 34. Victoria "Porkchop” Parker: Porkchop must be worshipped as she was sacrificed for all our sins. 32. Ivy Winters: Nobody ever put it together that Ivy Winters looks almost identical to Grace Jones AND Jean Kasem. That is POWERFUL MAGIC. Too bad she didnt know it either because if she channeled that spirit she could have won this thing so damn easy. 31. Pearl: 31. Tatiana: The day Tati steps away from low brow nineties references and learns to kick is the day Tati advances much farther. She NEVER uses her legs and her legs are AMAZING?! I wish she woulda had the self confidence to get tougher on Raven when Raven attacked her on her season because it was so clear that Raven was operating out of total jealousy being both have great beauty but for Tati it was effortless and for Raven its four hours of incredibly skilled painting. Tati was too green to have that wisdom. If she had it…ooooohhhhh it woulda been FUHEEEEIRCE! 30. Laganja Estranja: Oh god… I dont have the mental capacity at this point to go into the psyche of Laganja…Laganja is so important. Laganja is the litmus for bad faggotry because shes ACTUALLY TALENTED, shes got an amazing body, but OH GOD shes a nightmare. You can tell her parents felt guilty and coddled and spoiled their baby gay into a place where the only way she now knows how to operate is to be a needy indulged victim. Her comedy routine with the old people was a SURREALIST MASTER PIECE. Get off drugs laganja, they dont make you cool and needing the crutch of a vice does not a personality make. 29: Jinkx Monsoon: Does anyone else remember how bad she was at the beginning of her season??? She got the ONLY edit and they spun her into a storyline where theres was no way she could loose. Ive seen this storyline somewhere and it was called PRETTY IN PINK. They basically realized she both Molly Ringwalds character AND the Ducky character at the same time and spun a storyline for her to win because they hadnt a queen like her yet. She is talented, not my kinda talent but whatevs, to me shes the MACARONI ART of drag. She woulda been my friend first year of art school but then you have to change schools because you find out she has a crush thats a touch much on you and its weird because you thought you were just good friends. 28. Tyra Sanchez: In person I think Tyra might be the most beautiful of all the queens actually. You won't believe this but its true, she's a stunner. Too bad she just wants to be the best Beyonce, and not the best Tyra. Tyra, you be TYRA because Trinity K already does a waaaaaaaaay better Beyonce to be honest and youre actually so good on your own if you just owned YOURSELF youd be extraordinary. Its a shame she doesnt have the insight or desire to be HERSELF. Isnt that INSANE??? Its why nobody likes her, because SHE doesnt like her?! 27. Alexis Mateo: When you read her name do you also read it with a lisp? I do! Alexis is a sweet person whom I really appreciate and is also a victim of the pageant system. Pageant girls suffer from not fully grasping why the pageant system is bad. Ladies, we dont think YOU are bad, we think youre victims of a horrible oppressive system that wishes to put women into a structure of something like a DOG show. THIS IS DEGRADING NOT ONLY TO YOU BUT TO ALL FEMALES. It attempts to organize the female sex into ONE SINGULAR IDEAL based on the values of MEN and thats FUCKED UP. To organize females into ONE SINGULAR IDEAL is HORRIBLE and ROTTEN. It DEVALUES any ability that men might see as something THEY have to deal with and DENIES ABILITIES and STRENGTH to women creating an oppressive structure for females to operate in. Its GROSS, dont buy into it, its not cool! 26. Shannel: I know you dont agree but Shannel is important. Shannel wears VON DUTCH HATS. Shannels best friend is the WHISPERING FACE in the mirror that tells her to believe insane things. Shannel has THE BEST EYES of all contestants. Shannel belongs to a mentally ill race of people known as SHOW FOLK. Shannel thought JUGGLING while walking down the runway would be IMPRESSIVE. Shannel paid FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS for that garment and Shannel paid TOO MUCH. Shannel WAS NOT ELIMINATED... SHE CHOSE TO LEAVE!….. Shannel is important. OK the TOP TWENTY FIVE IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. These are the APEX PREDATORS!!! Have you noticed as the list has gone on the comments have gone from VENOMOUS and PUNISHING to RESPECTFUL ACCOLADE and thats because as the list goes the talent increases and Im grateful that these people are inspiring, not wasting my time, and are championing values that need to be championed! When I typed this I just got so excited I moved my ENTIRE BODY on top of my little clear desk chair and Im sitting here typing like a GARGOYLE! Every single one of these queens are a WINNER and I mean that. Im not just saying this shit, each one of these queens is a SOLID ARCHETYPE and depending on your own values you could place most of them in the top five and have a SOLID ARGUMENT. This list however is MY opinion and MY VALUES so this is much more about ME than THEM of course. Honestly every single queen on this entire list is a talent and deserves respect for making the effort!... yes even Phi-phi. To be in the top twenty five however means you can STAND YOUR GROUND AND OWN YOUR OWN CROWN. Remember this is MY list. Youll understand reading this list I value creativity and HEIGHT more than anything. Being fishy doesnt count for much to me and if youre dumb and dishonest it aint gonna work out…. Here are THE MOST IMPORTANT QUEENS OF RUPAULS DRAG RACE!!! 25. Jessica Wild: AHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAH How the FUCK did Jessica Wild make the top list?! FUCK YES MISS JESSICA you MADE IT!! Ahahah this is WONDERFUl. I secretly admit I LOVE Jessica. Ill go so far to say shes almost like a KINDER EN ESPAñOL version of Alyssa! Jessica live is FUN and shes VERY KIND. I met her and she was a doll. Jessica is GOOD VIBES. I can totally hang with Jessy. Is she creative? NOPE. Is she Edgy? NOPE. Is she fierce… actually she kinda is???!. Shes a good person who you can tell HONESTLY LOVES DRAG and has fun doing it and THAT is why she made top 25! Shes a pure soul who enjoys what she does and that its the SPIRIT and HONESTY rarely found on EARTH! 24. Max: Max CLEARLY is really into Kristen Mcnemany. Max served us upper middle class white privilege. She was NOT bound by the oppressive low class moral standards of gender and sexuality! Max allowed herself to be flat chested and have GREY hair and this says IM WEALTHY AND EDUCATED ENOUGH NOT TO HAVE TO PLAY BY A MANS RULES AND BE A BIMBO YOU POOR PEOPLE?! Max was well read and Max is probably the most well travelled person in the semi mid west sorta shitty small to medium sized city in which I imagine she is from NEXT TO HER SISTER that was in THE PEACE CORPS (I imagine). I bet Max went to a college that was previously ONLY FOR GIRLS. Off the show Max really gave some fantastic editorial moments. I appreciated Max, she was refreshing. 23. Naomi Smalls: The Praying Mantis of drag! Naomis skeleton is the best of all the girls and thats why shes here. TALL and THIN is SO IMPORTANT. She actually was a nice person and very creative too. I don't like how people discounted her, she was far more creative than most of these people. 22. Milk: Milk is kinda like Max but not as annoying as a person and more “boy aware". Like I imagine sitting on train with Max might be tedious as her affectations are what got her chopped, and Milk though shes a touch WASPY for my tastes is actually cool and smart and you could share and laugh with her. Milk was MY club name in the 90s so thats interesting as were both tall white people I guess that name just gets handed to you. Milk is sorta the Sandra Bernhardt of RPDR to me but maybe its just the STRONG NOSE. I liked Milks Pinnochio A LOT but if I remember correctly she used the same wig or a pair of shoes a few times and that DOES get a deduction. She was REAL "I have a mom who went to college and shes tall and for my birthday she bought me an AFGHAN (the dog)." . SMART WHITE PEOPLE LIFE… basically everyone I went to college with. 21. Joslyn Fox: Jossy Fox is not trying to be anything she isnt and that is her refreshing appeal. Jossy shops at Tj Maxx and has lunch at Panera because she used to work there and still gets a discount because her fag hag never left despite making a lot of lateral moves that took her nowhere. If I had kids Id hire Jossy to babysit them. Jossy asked to have my husband visit her at her dining table on the drag cruise, BUT NOT ME. 20. Willam: I really should have put Willam at a higher ranking place simply because shes a class act and one of the only queens whos never asked for a discount and buys my clothes. She is the one queen who decided to play by her own rules which sorta bit her in the ass ALMOST, but shes also one of the only queens who has her own career outside of RPDR. I like Willam, shes distant and calculating, but so am I. 19. Ongina: Ongina is important because shes the first one to show that to be successful on the show its not about your elaborately constructed artifice that you might THINK is what makes people like you, but about the REAL YOU you fear to show others that is what makes people like you and this TEENY BEING had the balls to do it. Ongina is all about the live performance as shes a total charmer. She can dance in the palm of your hand and sleeps in a walnut shell at night. Her charm is her human connection that you dont get from most performers and you can't really get from TV. 18. Manila Luzon: Manilla gives the best costumes in drag styling. Her puppet faces are great, but ONE TIME USE, so shes a little for the kiddies and straight people who only see her once and dont follow drag so thats why she isnt higher for me. Remember if youre top 25 youre iconic! Im just organizing MY VALUES here so its not about these queens abilities but more about MY PERSONAL AGENDA and how I would ORGANIZE WORLD VALUES should I be given the chance…. (echoing Skeletor laugh) 17. Latrice Royale: Latrice is the spirit of America. If you dont like Latrice YOU ARE ISIS. Watch her performance at the season finale where Violet wins, its sooo darn good. Id love to put her farther up but I cant because she only wears THE SAME PAIR OF SHOES with every look. Lady… lay out some coins stop “living poor”. The moment you spend the dough to move yourself forward YOU ACTUALLY MOVE FORWARD. Stop living in a world where you cant afford shoes, break out of that mindset where youre worried to spend a little cash because you might not have it. LIVE RICHLY…YOU CAN AFFORD SHOES. That said remember CREDIT IS NOT CASH BITCH, do NOT use a credit card pretend you have the fantasy of the security of wealth, but I KNOW you at least have 49.99 for a plus size pair of PLEASERS! 16. Katya. The first time I saw Katya I thought TOTAL FORMER COKE HEAD... and I was right. Thats not a read its just the vibes. I think shes very smart and funny and her finale “read ya” was the best of al of them BUT she got a TOTAL SWEETHEART EDIT BECAUSE ALASKA WAS SLAUGHTERING EVERYONE so they needed to make it seem at least a LITTLE like a competition (though detox was like on another level) but I REALLY dont like that FORCED self deprecation and FAKE NICE LAUGH she gives people ESPECIALLY Trixie.. Stop GIFTING her that reaction, we all see right through it! It comes off like less of a laugh and more of an APOLOGY for existing and you dont need to do it youre fierce, just stop. Before you get too big a head though I have to be a good person and let you know your finale look on All Stars was the THIRD worst look ever to go down the runway behind Serena and Cynthia. Don't believe me???.. check out the hemline. 15 Jujubee: Out of all the queens I think if I had to spend an extended period of time with them Id choose Juju. Shes smart and funny and hopefully that would give me the opportunity to teach her about STYLING because she needs some help. Damn your looks are CHEAP woman. They sell Vogue at the GROCERY STORE!? Im not even asking for the far superior Italian Vogue, Im just saying SHITTY COMMERCIAL GROCERY STORE FASHION MAGAZINE VOGUE. Pick it up and then look at your clothes and figure out the difference. I actually think Juju might be the funniest queen even over Bianca. Shes certainly one of the smartest, and dont forget her library reading was really good. 14. Trinity K. Bonet: I imagine youre suprised at Trinity ranking so high up. Trinity is something I respect.. QUIET CONFIDENCE. Trinity was too damn well mannered to get as far as she should have in the competition and the reason why is Trinity K is the personality type I really respect who is someone who is QUIET and TALENTED. She lets her talents do the talking and unfortunately for good tv you cant just sit there and wait to slay on the runway, you have to have provide soundbytes and dramtic facial gestures for gifs etc. Trinity respectfully minded her own damn business and let her abilities do the talking and I REALLY like that. I went on that nightmarish drag cruise and hands down the best performance was Trinity it was about a ten minute Beyonce number and it was BETTER than Beyonce. It was FANTASTIC and im not even a Beyonce fan. I also think shes very beautiful and has a total Angela Basset quality to her which Im charmed by. Trinity was well mannered and polite and I kinda wanted to be her friend because someone like that benefits from someone like me who isnt afraid to maybe NOT be so polite should the rare occasion call for it. I guess Bianca kinda saw that too. I kinda think for some weird reason Im sweet on her because Tina Turner was my first concert at 8 years old, which I won the tickets to answering Tina Turner Triva on the radio, and that remeinds me of my mom who I went to the concert with and so therefor I want to protect this “good woman”. 13. Nina Flowers: Speaking of good women the next is Nina Flowers. I have NEVER heard ONE person say ONE bad thing about Nina and the multiple times Ive met her she is KIND AND LOVELY. Nina endured that entire CONFLAMA of SEASON 1 and DIDNT EVEN GET THE PALTRY 10k she deserved?! THEN Nina got CURSED with being paired with RAVING MAD WOMAN TAMMIE BROWN and ROLLED WITH IT without complaint. In fact if you watch All Stars 1 instead of complaining Nina handles her like a loving mother who has a RETARDED CHILD who YELLS A LOT. Speaking of YELLING RETARDED PEOPLE one time my husband and I were in Miami and we bought BAD PILLS (is there any other kind in Miami) and were TWACKED OUT ASSHOLES and ran into her and we COULD NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP and she was SO TOLERANT, AND SO NICE, AND SO UNBOTHERED that we almost wondered if we PASSED FOR SANE. Looking back WE DID NOT, Nina was just really nice. Nina is also a great Dj who really gets that CUNT FACTOR and makes for a great night out. 12 Miss Fame: Drag being an art form that relies so heavily on the magic of transformation being the best make up artist of all the queens certainly gets you TOP THREE placement. Too bad Miss Fame is the SECOND BEST MAKE UP ARTIST of Rupauls drag race. If this was a BIOLOGICAL female make-up challenge Fame would be the best, but DRAG MAKE UP is a VERY different art form. Fame had fantastic looks and a greatly appreciate her. I just wish the brains matched the visuals because theyre SO sharp. She really is the Linda of RPDR. Linda was my SECOND choice of the Supermodels, my first was Nadja so you can see where Im coming from. To me alien proportions and snowgress fantasies trump “classic fashion perfection”. 11. Chi Chi DeVayne : Chi Chi Devayne is THE SPIRIT OF DRAG. Chi chi is POOR AS FUCK and still managed to teach herself how to do BACKFLIPS IN HEELS. THERE IS NO REASON FOR ALL OF US NOT TO BE ABLE TO DO THE SAME BUT WE CANNOT! She is THE DRAG ASSASSIN. I respect her SO much. Imagine if she was given the same opportunities any of us in the North East of the United States were given?! When I was a little kid I wasnt rich either but I feel in North Eastern America you can receive a great education and you dont have to be wealthy at all. A good education is just kind of built into the psyche just like our PURITANICAL JUDGEMENT. I mean as a kid I grew up in a tiny single parent home next to a pond and it certainly wasnt GLAMOROUS but if I felt like it my 8 year old self could wander over to the neighbors house which was basically THE ADDAMS FAMILY MANSION to me which belonged to the professor who established the local community college and Id just sit there in his living room while he and his wife watched JULIA CHILD Id point at the random objects hed collected from around the world and ask “Whats that?!” and hed reply “That is a TURKISH BULLWHIP!” FIERCE?! ..with that information alone not only did I learn of exotic locations I never heard of I knew I TOO wanted to go there AND had the ability too. Something tells me being from Louisianna Chi Chi didnt have the opportunity to learn how to cook LONDON BROIL (I still remember Julia saying “Ooh this roast is SPITTING at me) while sitting in the dark at a baby grand piano while a Grandfather clock gonged in the background like these people did. It would be VERY EASY to be an angry bitter person coming from her situation and instead Chi Chi took it upon herself to excel to the best of her abilities and BOY HAS SHE. I feel Chi Chi was THE BEST when it came to Lipsynch for your life. All she needs is 12 months, a handful of those McDonalds gift certificates you got at Halloween, a stack of VHS tapes of STYLE with ELSA KLENSCH, 6 National Geographic magazines, and everyone dies. Chi Chi is FIERCE. 10 Chad Michaels: Being the number one Cher impersonator in the world gets you top ten placement forever. Its not debatable its DRAG LAW. 9.Tammie Brown: Tammie Brown is an UNCONTROLLABLE FORCE OF NATURE. Tammy is the SWIRLING POWER OF CHAOS. GRAVITY DECIDES TO LEAVE WHEN TAMMIE IS AROUND! Tammies superpower is that she holds no power unto her own but EVERYONE ELSES POWERS ARE RENDERED USELESS WHEN SHE WALKS IN THE ROOM. NO QUEEN has any power over Tammie and for THAT ALONE she gets top ten placement. Have you ever seen those crazy cat videos of cats reacting to people who throw a cucumber on the ground? If you havent, check them out, but in a nut shell cats are for some reason TOTALLY FREAKED OUT by a cucumber sitting on the ground. They go from acting relatively sane to COMPLETELY BIZARRE at the toss of a cucumber... well TAMMY IS THAT CUCUMBER. 8. Bianca Del Rio: Bianca is a hard working professional and a talent and Im glad we have her on “our” side as I cant think of any straight comedian who could beat her in a "read off". She doesnt particularly check any of my boxes as what she is Im not super into but you cant deny her abilities. Shes the sharpest tack. My friend Bradford hired her for a dinner and it was fine and fun and all and as she was walking out the door my NUMB NUT husband brings up “but what about the movie youre making?” this of course lead her to go on about how shes raising money etc so then BRADFORD THE ASSHOLE makes everyone say how much theyre going to donate to her film putting me on the spot to donate 500 dollars to the fucking crappy movie?! It was well shot but UGH LADY wheres the funny? I paid FIVE HUNDRED GOD DAMN DOLLARS FOR THAT MOVIE?!?! FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS….. FUCK.... thats TWO tickets to see CHER?!?!?!? 7.Sharon Needles: When Sharon first came out I BOUGHT IT, literally, I bought the t shirt which was secrelty packed as a GLITTER BOMB.. FUCKING CUNT…She really gave us hope and spoke to so many and was a creative and funny star. Shes a great talent who has done some amazing looks. Unfortunately shes become super sour and nasty and nobody wants to work with her and former fans are made uncomfortable to be around her. Sharon Needles is THE BEST DRAG QUEEN nobody wants to be around. 6. Violet Chachki: Im pretty sure Violet was trained by a SITH LORD or something. Shes CURIOUSLY YOUNG to be so professional and SO on point and just soooo good. God I hated the idiot RPDR fan base who talked shit about her simply because they couldnt relate to her because she was confident in her abilities. A wolf does NOT consult the sheep as to what to have for dinner!?! Im sorry but thats NOT something to make apologies for and its CERTAINLY not something you need to change. Nobody should have to dumb themselves down for the masses and Violet has not. She consistently DOMINATES THEM with her BITCH GODDESS self and Im SOOOO THANKFUL FOR THAT. This icy goddess holds the title for the number one AND number two AND number three best gowns on RPDR history. Dont go against Violet you WILL loose. 5. Alaska: Alaska broke all the rules by being HER OWN CREATURE. You cant pin down Alaska as one specific thing. Shes is an entity unto her own and that is so important to recognize. Shes also maybe the smartest queen of all of them. Her drag is a critique of drag itself which makes her a more evolved creature compared to “lesser” queens. Like all these top five shes really carved out PERSONALITY in her drag persona. Shes maybe made me laugh more than any other queen.The only “negative” I can think of is I dont like her interest in nails, seems like something India Ferra would be into. Its sorta weird that she named herself Alaska when the biggest gay icon in Spain and many other Spanish speaking nations is Alaska but shes from Pittsburg, not Madrid. 4. Alyssa Edwards: Oh fuck is Alyssa Edwards important! The DON KNOTSS of Drag Alyssa is sorta just like Texas from which she hails… BIG AND WEIRD THINKING AND despite being the essence of AMERICA its also ITS OWN ENTITY and by its own design is flawless and also VERY FLAWED! Remember when ALyssa first started and she was mean and people did not like her?! This is important to recognize because Alyssa HOOKED US with a very special chemistry of herself as a real person and this SWIRLY KOOKOO TOWN that her psyche exists in where shes the MAYOR, THE RICHEST LADY, THE NOSEY NEIGHBOR, AND THE BEAUTY QUEEN! Shes all those things and we get to see them all exist in every gesture. The gif of her negotiating a sip on an extra long straw was just as responsible for us falling in love with her as was her UNSELFAWARNESS (is that a word?) upon the HARD REVEAL of her BACKROLLS. Those lips and eyes are insanely MAGNETIC but all of it would be only half as magnetic if we didnt know what a LOOSEY GOOSEY she is?! You KNOW that Alyssa PERFORMS FOR NOBODY when shes by herself…. OFTEN. Alyssa I think is the only queen Ive ever hired and she got out of a cab by herself in FULL DRAG wearing like a TEDDY and a SHEER DRESSING GOWN and walked down the street in broad daylight asking my assistant if the MEXICAN RESTAURANT ON THE CORNER was where she was PERFORMING?!?! Alyssas personal styling is: “Dress, not particularly expensive shoe, AND PIECE OF THING ON HER HEAD- but NOT a complete thing on her head just a PART of something on her head! Its the VAGUE ALLUSION that this is part of MAYBE SOMETHING GREATER, or maybe shes been to SPAIN, or maybe she shoplifts at CLAIRES BOUTIQUE?! Alyssa is an America treasure! 3. Raven: Raven is JEALOUS BEAUTY. RAVEN IS EVERY FIERCE VILLAINESS THAT EVER EXISTED. Raven VERY EASILY could be my number one BUT IM LEARNING TO LOVE MYSELF and Im not going to SIT HERE and WAIT to be loved by someone I adore as they DENY MY EXISTENCE simply because THEY THEMSELVES are incapable of being loved. I already DID THAT SHOW its called ME AND MY DAD and thanks but over a lifetime as a child I sat there on the couch waiting for him to show up, which he often DID NOT, as I hoped that MAGICALLY ONE DAY this person you adore is suddenly going to take interest in you. GUESS WHAT… IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN!!! I might love Raven but RAVEN CANT LOVE BACK and instead of being MAD (like I was for a lifetime with my own dad) Im going to recognize that I dont hate this person at all, in fact this VILLAIN is a HERO to me and though I wish theyd be capable of liking me back theyre NOT and THATS OK. Im not the bad guy for that, and neither is Raven, and neither is my dad. Its something they cant do and MAYBE someday they will and if so THATS GREAT but until then Im gonna love myself and put interest in people who reciprocate my feelings.This all may sound like I had some kind of ACTUAL relationsship with Raven WHICH I HAVE NOT but Ravens entire DRAG CONCEPT HER VERY DRAG BEING is that story line to me. The even more twisted part is we love Raven BECAUSE shes cruel?!?! I think shes TREMENDOUS! Raven is THE EVIL QUEEN from Snow White, shes Alexis from Dynasty, shes Katra from She-ra. Raven IS jealous beauty. Raven is a cruel and powerful goddess and I LIVE for her. We have tried SO MANY times to hire her and it falls on dead ears. Shes cannot be bothered. She needs to GET BOTHERED because the reason why shes not an All Star is because she cant be. I mean I think its really because shes had a couple DUIs and theres no way a liquor company was gonna give 100k to a person who has 2 DUIS but you know what I mean.... Raven is also THE BEST DRAG MAKEUP ARTIST. All these future queens stand on Ravens trompe l’oeil bone structure. Ravens one word comments on fashion photo Ruview make me HOWL. Ravens astute observations are as sharp as her nose contour. Raven has the teeniest room for evolution spiritually I think JUST A TEENY BIT, like DONT CHANGE, but MAYBE get a LITTLE kind and Raven will be my number one and OH GOD I want her to be number one SO BAD. 2. Raja. Ok, now Im back to sitting on my tiny clear desk chair like a Gargoyle because its THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT QUEENS?!!?!? VERY SIMPLY without Raja Rupauls Drag Race would be MEXICAN TELEVISION! The show would be an FAR less elevated and be a GOOPEY SUNDAE of WIGS AND BOOBS AND WELL WORN DRESSES THAT SMELL LIKE B.O and ANGEL! Raja brings in references that lift the entire competition UP. Alyssa is Cosmopolitan but Raja is ITALIAN VOGUE AND NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC. Shes still the best runway walker of all the queens which is like MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING. In her single season she gave us gold robot, amazon tribes person, Marie Antoinette, and when she walked in first episode it was the most obvious time someone was CLEARLY the winner from MINUTE ONE. Raja is the PUBLIC TELEVISION OF DRAG RACE! A FUNDAMENTAL NECESSITY to the CLASS LEVEL of Rupauls Drag Race and without her the floor would drop out. LETS IMAGINE AN AFRICAN WATERING HOLE with baboons squeeling, zebras making their weirdo sounds that you would never expect to come from a horse, hippos eating, hyenas laughing and all of a sudden the GIRAFFE enters the scene and everyone SHUTS UP AND STARES… Well RAJA IS THAT GIRAFFE... and yes Shangela and Yarra Sofia are the babbons. We need LESS BABOONS and MORE GIRAFFES. If I HAD to make a negative critque Id say Id just like to see LESS POT and WINE references on her facebook page because when I read that I think she might be mildly depressed and I dont want that from this creative talent whom I adore! 1. Detox. DETOX IS CHARISMA. Detox IS the MUGLER woman. Thierry Mugler is what saved me in college. Mugler is clearly what has saved Detox as well. The first time I saw Thierry Muglers work was at a newsstand in VALENCIA CALIFORNIA at CalArts and his robot suit was on the cover of STERN magazine and I grabbed it, and some suburban TWAT MOM shot me side eye because the robot suit shows nipple and of course she disapproved that because she was JUDGEY UNTRAVELED TRASH. I looked inside at his work and I thought I WANT TO BE WHERE THESE PEOPLE EXIST?!?!? I actually brought the magazine to my mentor and said "I NEED TO BE HERE." Well Detox takes me to that place! I can relate to Detox. Were really similar in many ways, both of us have tried to manefest that Mugler construct as best as possible and through ANY means necessary. If Raven is the Evil Queen from Disneys Snow White, Detox is Maleficent! Both are SO MAJOR how do you pick?! Well I will tell you how! Remember how in my Raven rant I was saying I was going to learn to love myself well putting Detox first is learning to love myself! Why?! Because Detox is the EVIL QUEEN who MAKES GOOD. When Alvaro offered to pay both Detox and Raven to send me a little happy 40th birthday message Raven didnt respond, and DETOX DID and REFUSED TO TAKE MONEY. You know when Skeletor feels the spirit of Christmas in the Heman Christmas special?? Well SKELETOR DETOX. Shes the VILLAIN we all love with A HEART thats open to be loved. Detox is the DAD WHO SHOWS UP. Detox takes great measures to embody the values that mean so much to me. Its actually HARD to be this GOOD. She is SOFT AS NAILS but you still wanna FUCK HER?! She had TREMENDOUS sex appeal without being soft, amazing style without being trend driven, and shes a bitch goddess without being bitter. Detox is number one, Detox is the good mommy.

[613526362]

Tomorrow is Day One

"A guy got shot right across the street from me this week. I was with a group of people - indoors - and when we heard the seven shots, a woman who grew up on The Big City's [redacted] side immediately said, "That was way too close." Then some other people spoke up and said, "No, I bet it was just fireworks." I know the sound of a small caliber handgun, but I didn't say anything. Inside though, I started to feel kind of sad. I didn't know at the time that it happened only a block away. I found that out eight hours later when the Big City Gazette published their daily shooting log. I guess the shots sounded a bit further than that because we were indoors? If I had known the victim was just across the street, I would have immediately stood up, walked out there, and done what I've been trained to do since I first got into emergency medicine in 2008. Instead, what I did was start my stopwatch. I wanted to see how long it would take for the sirens to arrive. It took six minutes and ten seconds. I kind of feel a bit sick for timing it knowing what happened to him. Right now I sit in my apartment, having just decided I'm going to delete my Facebook account for good at the end of this week. I'm also just thinking about how unbelievable it is that some wars seem to go on forever. It's like a cycle of actions that elicit other actions and the pain and suffering just goes on and on and on, in infinite iteration. You could apply it to Afghanistan, or The Big City. I can apply it to my life. A month ago I called the police on someone, and they started a campaign of harassment towards me because of it. More recently, in a related situation, I provided testimony in a court case when requested to. More harassment, with added stalking, now across all of my devices including my work, academic, and personal numbers and email addresses. I read an article online titled "I'm a Victim of Carpet Bombing Online Harassment." Apparently some people have it much worse than me. The author's conclusion was that, despite the security risk of social media and the potential for other people's online actions to demoralize you, we shouldn't withdraw completely from social media - we can't ever give in and allow them to hurt us more. I see things a bit differently though, and just prefer to do what I need to do in life, without making anything more public than it already is. A month ago I started trimming my Facebook friends list. Gradually I deleted about 300 or so people - people whose names I didn't even recognize, others who I realized I actually don't trust at all. I left only the people who had left a super positive impression on me. Only people who are important to me, regardless of whether I share genetics with them, or lived with them, or loved them, or just met them once. I guess I wanted to say goodbye to just them. To just you. Of course feel free to send me a message and ask for my number if you want to stay in touch though ;) Love, Marshall" I wrote that and planned to post it on Facebook prior to deleting my account. Then, I changed my mind, and deleted my account without warning Redacted The full story of my first week at Mog Hospital is a bit different. In that unposted Facebook post, I didn't even mention that I was at the hospital when the shots rang out. That's right - someone was shot right across the street from the hospital. And the hospital didn't go on lockdown. Nope. People barely even mentioned it. It was barely even worth notice. Redacted Being at Mog Hospital resembles being in Africa in so many ways, I decided to name it after one of Africa's most perilous cities - Mogadishu. My first day in orientation at Mog Hospital, I was supposed to get my ID badge. But we were all told that the "ribbon" in the badge printing machine had broken, and we would have to wait until the next day to get it fixed. I was the first one in the room to get my badge picture taken three days later when they actually got it fixed. But the lady couldn't find me in the computer to link my ID to the badge. Then started another three days of excuses and delays. At the end of the week, I was finally told, "You'll just have to start work without a badge. For sure you will eventually start showing up in the computer. We just don't know what to do." The fact that they really had no course of action to fix a problem and were just going to, um, wait? for the problem to fix itself... is so fucking Mogadishu At the end of the week I went in for an orientation in Mog ER. I had looked forward to meeting back up with the Director of the ER, but at the beginning of the week I learned she had just quit. Actually, it sounded like one of the last things she had done before leaving was hire a Murder Technician who had interviewed there six months earlier and sent in an email asking to work there "after all" when the position he had taken instead turned out to be boring. Actually walking into the ER was surreal. In a stark contrast to the ER I had just come from, it wasn't lively and energized. It felt....somber. The ER nurse trainer took me around and introduced me to the other murder techs. The first one I met, well, she just struck me as having some kind of intellectual disability the moment I started talking to her. She had kind of a blank expression and a dull affect. I was thinking to myself, "Um...do they have a mentally disabled girl working as a tech here??" Then she took me to meet another murder tech. He was just sitting in a chair in the corner, staring at a desk. When she introduced me to him, he turned to look at me. He didn't extend his hand to shake mine, so I didn't either. When she said, "This is Marshall, and he'll be a new tech here," he just nodded, and then looked back at the desk. He struck me as someone who had severe PTSD. He expressionlessness was haunting. The third tech I was taken to meet was to be my trainer the following week. He was a lot like the last guy, but much creepier. He had a full beard and reminded me of dueling banjos. He was the kind of guy you would expect to be standing outside your tent staring at you with bow and arrow in hand when you peek out..............in a horror movie. He had a weird sinister look in his eyes. Reflecting on it all later, I decided that all three of them probably just have severe PTSD. If they were schizophrenic they wouldn't be able to work there. They might also have depression, but not major. Finally I was introduced to a third tech. As soon as I met her, I rejoiced inside. She was chipper, pretty, and had a light in her eyes that was captivating. She also interacted like a human being. "Yay! There are people who work here and not just zombies!" As we walked away from her, I was told that she only worked in the minor care area, and I wouldn't be working in there. She wasn't a murder tech - she was a MA. The way things were set up, the murder techs work in the back with all the serious patients, while the MA's take all the minor patients. Thus, all I will be seeing is death. And murder. At one point the nurse attempted to pry a bit and find out exactly how long I had worked at Community Bore ER before I came to the Mog. When I told her six months, I also added, "I loved the nurses, and they loved me. But I really wanted to work in a level I trauma center." Her immediate response was, "Oh, you really should have worked at Big Bore ER" (the sister Hospital of community Bore and a level i trauma center). I thought to myself, "Oh shit. Did she really just tell me I made a mistake in taking this job?" I hope that my training and experience has prepared me to better cope with children being shot in the face than these other Murder Techs. But the truth is, I haven't been doing well psychologically over the past couple months.... Fuck it, over the whole year since I moved to The Big City. Moving my business out to the suburbs was a huge mistake. Reshuffling and moving back to the City has been hugely expensive. I have no idea how I'm going to pay all my bills this month. I have barely survived this year. Every day has been a struggle. I don't know what to say. Things just don't look good. Or feel good. I'm driving Lyft and Uber to make extra money, putting tons of miles on a leased car that has restrictive mileage limits. I'm left without the time and energy to study, even though the Big Test is bearing down on me. I hover between wishing things would suddenly get better, and wishing God would just let me leave. I guess I find it harder and harder to believe things can get better. I have been poor and struggling to do good things for a decade now. In a way, I've been failing, and failing, and failing, for ten fucking years. And now I have people who hate me and are going online to leave negative reviews for my business even though they have absolutely nothing against my business and just hate the guy who depends on it to put food on his plate and prepare himself to go to Africa and give the rest of his life to the people there So I'm not eating well. And the likelihood of me making it back grows dimmer. As usual, I think about killing myself. And getting a dog And getting a motorcycle But mostly just killing myself