#i wouldn't say im fully over it and i dont think i ever will be but im coming to terms with it or whatever

[phantastragoria]

Not sure if it's okay to send you this ask but I actually feel the same way you do about the end of vol 3 and I've been feeling pretty alone about it. I haven't said much because I don't want to seem like I'm being mean about the movie. I think my issue is the team hasn't spent years and years together. Most of them were snapped for 5 years. When they came back Gamora was dead and then Peter was clearly left suffering and dealing with the trauma for a while. I can live with the idea of "we've all grown to need time apart and want to do our own things" but I don't think the build up and execution was there. Not just for those on the team but also 2014 Gamora who was literally just coming back to the story and finally getting to see who these people were and what her life was once about. Then it's over and it doesn't feel like enough of a resolution. I also don't love how Gamora was treated which is a whole other topic but I disliked how it seems like there hasn't been any issue with her death for anyone but Peter. There doesn't even seem to be any memories of her lingering with the team. I have so many thoughts around this that I'll be thinking about it for a while but man, she was murdered by her abuser and most of her family are victims of abuse and I dont think the aftermath has been handled very well at all. Mostly I think there needed to be another movie In between Endgame and vol 3 to hash out what happened in Infinity War/Endgame and to progress some of the characters more and build up to the more Rocket focused ending where they all part ways. Or vol 3 needed to not be quite as focused on Rocket. Not saying he shouldn't have the most focus, just scale it back a little because other things desperately needed attention.

Oh it's absolutely fine to send an ask about this!!! I'm always up for a discussion, and honestly, it makes me feel better that I'm not the only person not completely happy with the ending, solidarity my friend.

I want to preface this all with I DON'T hate the film, and I thought it was way better on a 2nd viewing, but I really don't think it's a crime to criticize it because nothing is perfect (Vol. 1 + 2 aren't either) But Vol. 3 really has some deeply ingrained issues that should've been dealt with, or at the very least acknowledged, because as it is they really stand out, especially on a second viewing or if you've marathoned all the films together, and they literally drag the film down.

Gunn said on Twitter in response to something that he wanted Vol. 3 to be able to stand on its own without the viewer needing to have seen the other films (and by extension IW+EG) but that is so unhinged when it's literally titled as the third in the series at this point lol. Like it's extremely weird to have let IW+EG affect the Guardians as much as they did and then not even try and deal with the aftermath of it all in the last film featuring (almost) everyone together... ???

He's made it clear Rocket is his favorite and that he only came back to do Vol. 3 because he wanted to finish his story, I don't doubt that's true even if I think having a single character be more important than the others is the wrong choice and leaves the whole story as a trilogy a bit lopsided. But even so, if that's the case then it's crazy to not even have Rocket's thoughts on all of these things that've happened in the last decade as if it wouldn't be traumatic to lose your loved ones for years, and how hard it would be to readjust to life after it all. I kind of can't see him letting everyone leave so easily at the very end, especially after he almost died, so I'm just left feeling confused at the choice at best and vaguely unsatisfied at worst.

Maybe Gunn didn't have as much control over their appearances in IW+EG as he says he did. Maybe they really did completely derail the road to Vol. 3 and he just won't admit it, but the film as it is doesn't help in any way by pretending nothing there happened at all. I don't see any logical reason for the audience to just go along with "For some reason Gamora left, she might've died but also maybe not, who knows. Peter is sad and the rest of the team want to move onto something else. " and then the only hint at that last part is... Mantis telling Peter to go see his grandpa, so that leads to everyone else having a change in goals too, huh. I know it's not meant to be forever, and we're to assume everyone keeps in contact with each other, but the ending really makes it feel like no, we'll never all be together again, so bah.

And concerning Gamora, I agree with what you've said. I could write an entire book with my issues of her overall treatment in the narrative and the implications of her character from the comics getting adapted like this, but I'll spare you the speech and just say the TLDR is everything starting from IW onwards concerning her (the specific framing around her murder and then time travel bringing in 2014-Gamora, and the complete lack of acknowledgement about either version of her from the rest of the team) never should've happened. It's all such a mind-boggling choice, I can't get over how much of an afterthought Gunn made her at the very last minute.

It's funny you mention the need for another film to deal with the emotional fallout of everything post-Vol. 2, because absolutely, but they kind of had the chance??? I realize the Holiday Special isn't film length and is meant to be the calm before the storm of everything that's to come, but in a post-Vol. 3 world I can't stop thinking about how it was SUCH a missed opportunity to not have that be the sobering moment for the characters to talk about everything that happened in the years everyone was snapped. It could've even been the perfect time to plant the metaphorical plot seeds of everyone wanting to go and do their own things after what happened because they just can't make life feel the exact same as it was before, and understanding things can never be the same after something like that.

Even the last lines of the song used in the Holiday Special feels more appropriate for the Guardians as a family struggling to keep it all together (and trying to deal with the sudden loss of Gamora) than it relates to Peter and Yondu, in my opinion.

I would have preferred a more out-there story in general, something to give everyone equal stakes in the plot, but I do think Vol. 3 could have stayed overall the same if any of this was addressed or even mentioned in one or two lines of dialogue somewhere. Because as it is, it really feels like we missed something important between it all, but we didn't from what we we've been shown. I don't think it would have killed Gunn to include a quick moment where someone just says to Peter "I miss her too and I get everything's been way harder lately, but you can't let it grind your life to a complete halt like this." or something!! ANYTHING!!!

And if we absolutely had to stick with the time displaced Gamora plot... When she was snooping around on the Bowie by herself i dont get why she didn't get to see some old photos or something of the team during happier times (including 2018-Gamora specifically) and realizing that they really are going so far to save Rocket because they genuinely love him, and once upon a time they loved her too. 2014-Gamora getting to see the life she very nearly COULD have had within mere hours in her own timeline (without the threat of Thanos ever taking that away, mind you) but having to come to terms with the life she's made with the Ravagers in the present day. That would've been a more appropriate arc for her, I think, then her presence in the story wouldn't have had to only center around what Peter lost and nothing else and we'd at least get the idea that the others still had her on their minds even if they outwardly "moved on."

But also? Another missed opportunity to not have a moment when 2014-Gamora is in a battle with the other Ravager leaders mirroring the hallway scene with the Guardians that could have been when Peter (and the audience) "get" who she's currently more comfortable with in a basic sense, but... you know... it is what it is or whatever.

[cowboy-robooty]

Nobody understands me when i say that Japan's character growth in his quest for love is that he needs to learn to appreciate and feel grateful for the relationships and love he already has and through that learn to be satisfied with the Best Friend love he has with America. THEY ALWAYS THINK THAT THIS IS A BAD ENDING FOR JAPAN OR SOME SORT OF PUNISHMENT..... NO THE FUCK? WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?

I actually really love Japan hes one of my favorite characters and because i love him so much im acutely aware of how hes lowkey a bad person LOL. His entire shtick is that he's polite and sidesteps any sort of conflict and acts very Japanese of course, but in his head he has ruthless thoughts about others that he wouldn't dare to say outloud. it has been shown that although japan would never admit it because it's a very uncomfortable thing to face, he is in essence looking down on everyone internally. Because refusing to be honest with others out of politeness is always going to be partially because "you aren't worth the potential conflict involved with stepping closer to me". He also has a tendency to build up ideas of people in his head and then desire that idea rather than the actual person. Like how he thought highly of italy before their first meeting and his fantasies of being bros with mf switzerland wwwww. Once he actually knows these people his idea is broken and he becomes disillusioned until he either A) goes his separate way or B) slowly grows to like them as the person they are. And because of this trait he is totally the type who keeps thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. Bro is the type of guy who spends too much time mulling over all the hang ups he has with the people close to him and get attached to the idea of a perfect person who wouldn't have all these annoying bad traits. I think Japan also has a more traditional mindset about relationships as in hes not the type who has ever really thought about every form of love people experience is inherently unique. He probably subscribes to the social norm of thinking that romantic love is the "final form" of love and thats why hes on his quest to date somebody because it's a mix of thinking that he needs that in his life to complete it and also just wanting somebody to fuck without being a whore in his head. Thats why he always fucking fails because hell never be able to secure a proper relationship cuz people cant read his mind and he doesn't realize that you cant be close to somebody unless you let them know what you really think even if you disagree. I think Italy is his strongest romantic crush ever by a large margin because italy is one of the few people who he met and went omg what the fuck *ranks italy down to dislike*. But over time because they're in the same gang he was forced to keep interacting and learned to love the person italy is in a more genuine sense because he was already aware and acknowledged the flaws he has. I think this is also why America is Japans absolute best friend ever. Because even stronger than italy japan straight up fucking hated this bitch and was like PLEASE GOD JUST LEAVE ME ALONEEEEE. and now theyre super tight bros because japan learned to love americas virtues as well of course but their relationship is special because japan would only ever be fully ruthless and transparent in his thoughts to america. he would only ever tell america "DONT YOU WANT TO STOP BEING SUCH A FATASS ALL THE TIME?" only with america would he be honest and go "no. i dont want to eat this disgusting cotton candy fruitti tootie ice cream flavor what is wrong with you why would you ever chose that when you KNOW you'll be sharing this ice cream with another person" if anybody else did this hed be like "ah.. ermm.... uh.... maybe.. we'd like to choose something else-" *cut to him paying for a 5 gallon tub of cotton candy fruitti tootie ice cream*. But anyways America is asexual in my truth and isn't interested in romantic love but for him being best friends is the highest form of platonic love for him and perfectly fulfilling. I think Japan also feels the highest form of platonic love for America and can be fulfilled by this but it's only his own inability to appreciate what he has in front of him that holds him back. Because he thinks well thats just my best friends its not the same thing as a BOYFRIEND that he thinks it isn't enough even though it really is.

I also think that Japan had a crush on America but it got shot down IMMEDIATELY and thats why his biggest crush is on italy because italy prefers to pretend he doesn't know (cuz he likes japan paying for all his meals) and just lets japan continue to grow his fantasy LOL WHAT A CRUEL GUY!! I don't think japans crush on america is a big deal either because americas response was like "WHOA DUDE... IM MAD FLATTERED BUT UH.. WELL.... YOU'RE A LITTLE TOO LACKING IN THIS DEPARTMENT FOR MY TASTES BROSKI *taps Japan's chest* WE STILL DOWN FOR FORTNITE LATER?". But yes, does this make more sense now? It's not a punishment that japan isn't mean to find what hes seeking because really even if he found romantic love hed just become disillusioned again. hes in love with the idea of dating somebody not actually dating them and is happiest when he learns through the power of best broship that he already has a sincere genuine connection right there with him.

As for the sexual dysfunction part. that is his actual eternal curse. Sorry I couldn't mention it before because people would see that keyword and disregard everything else i was explaining. Emotional relationship wise he is fine but i do believe in his past life he was the meteor that killed the dinosaurs or maybe had isekai crimes or some shit that has made it so in his current life he is cursed to never seme. It is the price he pays for his past sins. But its ok tho because japan is a freaky ass hentai guy and tbh he does not care much about emotional attachment in regards to sex like thats two different things for him ok he's my gooning god and will always be crying and screaming because nobody will wear a sailor uniform with cat ears and let him seme. uke as a result of negative karma

[icaruspendragon]

im sorry to ask but i dont know what else to do—how did you do it how did you dig yourself out because it feels like i am choking on dirt and people keep shoveling it onto me and i miss her so much and i dont know how to make this feeling stop. she was my best friend. ive never lived in a world without her before. how did you do it. how are you doing it

grief is so hard and so heavy when we first meet it. it feels like all our arms will ever hold for the rest of forever. and it is, in a sense. once we pick it up, we never really set it down. not fully.

and I don't think it gets lighter, I think we somehow, impossibly, get stronger.

there's lots of metaphors for grief. that's one of them. another one I like to use is that it feels like you're in the grave with them. like lazarus. like yourself. waiting for someone to raise you from the dead. to raise you both.

I've learned a lot about crawling out of the grave. more than I would have ever wanted to learn. like how emptiness is actually quite heavy. or how to pretend like you feel half-alive. but I think the most important thing I've learned is that somedays, we inexplicably end up back in it. and that sucks.

because we just spent months clawing our way through the bugs and the earth. because our soldier-hands have finally breached the surface. because the sun is finally caressing our hell-fresh faces. because for the first time in months we feel like we can finally breath. and then, suddenly, we're right back in the terrible thick of it.

those days make it feel like I'm sisyphus and grave dirt is my rock. or like I'm prometheus and the darkness is my eagle.

but then it's tuesday.

which is to say my brother died on my 25th birthday, a monday. and that day is now a memory that's fuzzy around the edges. single snapshots I know are connected, but I couldn't tell you how. I remember my mother standing in my bedroom and tears and family and phone calls and cleaning my living room because I didn't know what to do with my hands. I remember going to my grandmothers and my phone vibrating off the table and leaving to go get coffee because I couldn't sit still. I remember joking, trying to joke. trying to do whatever I could to make sense of that impossible day. I remember checking my phone and reading and rereading the messages, a mixed bag of congratulations for surviving another year and condolences that my brother didn't, I remember not knowing how to respond to any of them. so I didn't. I remember being surrounded by so many people doing nothing but extending love and kindness to me and never feeling more alone. the world was ending and I was alone. I thought that day would go on forever.

but it didn't.

it ended, as all things do. monday was over and my first day as an only child was done.

and suddenly it was tuesday. and everything was different but also exactly the same.

it was tuesday and my brother was dead. I was so heavy when I woke up that first tuesday. so heavy and confused. I thought the world had ended. it surely felt like it had. but it hadn't. because the world couldn't have ended on monday.

not if it was tuesday.

it was tuesday and my brother was dead but the world wasn't ending. monday should have been our demise, but it wasn't. and it hasn't. and it won't. because just as sure as we have mondays, we'll always have tuesdays.

that's something I've taken a strange comfort in, knowing that we'll always have tuesdays.

the feeling never stops. but I think that's okay. because you're only feeling that way because there was love first. and as much as what I felt on that first tuesday hurts, as much as it suffocates, as much as it consumes, I'd take the hurt and the suffocation and the consumption because the love I felt first will always, always be worth it.

tuesdays will always be worth it.

like yeah, if I loved less, it wouldn't hurt this bad. but I don't want to live in a world where I have to love less. where I was loved less.

I'll take the pain. I'll take the grave days. I'll take the rock. I'll take the eagle. I'll take apocalyptic, earthshaking mondays. I'll take every last wretched bit because goddamn what a miracle it is to love so bad it hurts this big.

I hold that love, his love for me and my love for him, a love that's now become our love in the cage of my ribs while I'm in the cage of the grave. and I dig.

it's monday and I dig.

I dig.

and then tuesday comes.

[luv3rx]

" Patience "

─ LEE TAEYONG X F!READER ♡

─ Taeyong fucks you after getting distracted by you while working on his mini album˚◞♡

─ 1.7k words

─ Smut, dom!Tae, Sub!reader, artist bf!Tae, praises, pet names(Baby and princess), choking, slight rough sex, slight breeding kink?, Unprotected sex.

─ A/n: IM DEFINITELY HAVING THS ALBUM ON REPEAT. ITS LITERALLY SO FIRE. Plus the concept photos literally have me on my knees for this man. Maybe This is just a little drabble. I was writing this at 3-4 am so I was tired asf. this is my first ever smut so please tell me if I did well or better. I enjoy feedback.

Taeyong 🔛🔝

Taeyong was really hyped about his new album. that's all he would talk about. He would constantly show the lyrics he worked on or would let you listen to the beats.

He would take you with him to every concept photoshoot and let you take some pictures of your own. He enjoys when you show support of his passion and excitement. He always tells your support makes him want to work harder and push himself as far as he can.

Of course he does try and make time for you in between. He wouldn't want to ever leave you out. You were the only thing keeping him moving and giving him motivation.

You were his antidote to keep him pushing and you were all the feedback he needed. No one else's opinion mattered except yours. If you liked it he would continue and if you find like it he would instantly scrap it.

He would constantly insist in using your voice for ad-libs but you would always deny and say you wouldn't want to hear your voice in a song when you already hear it enough. He was very upset about it but did didn't want to push you so he just decided to pay someone else to do itm

︶︶︶︶︶︶

“Babyyy! How much longer are you gonna work?! Im bored..” You complained sitting in the lounge chair behind Taeyong in his studio as he was working on another one of his songs for his album.

He was instinctively focused. He hadn't looked away from his computer screen yet. He could hear you whining behind him from one ear being uncovered by the headphones he wore on his head.

“Im almost finished. Just maybe a few more things I have to do. Be patient for me, baby.” He pleaded because your whining was making him want to just quit was doing and go to you but this album was something he had been striving for awhile now. He needed to get it finished, now or never.

“But it feels like we've been in here for hours and I need you..!” you whine even louder stretching yourself out on the lounge chair. You layed your head on the arm of the chair and groaned as he ignored you.

You sit up and watch him glare at you through the glass of the studio mic room. You glare right back him and roll your eyes. You would have been on your phone but he told you to leave it home so you could watch him work and motivate him but that backfired. You sigh heavily and decide to leave. You picked up your shoulder bag and heading towards studio door but the call of your name from Taeyong cause you to turn back around.

“Baby don't leave yet.. I need you.. I can't focus without you..” he implied as he finally removes his focus from the computer and towards you. He fully removed the headphones on his head. He put on his best begging face. He deep down did need you to focus but he also wanted you to just be near him.

“Well your more focused on that stupid computer. i think you need it more than me.. but I guess I'll stay.” You pout and sigh as you walk back over to the lounge chair but Taeyong calls out to you again.

“Dont say that ever and No, don't sit there. C'mere and sit on my lap, since you need me so bad.” He backs his up his chair and pats his lap for to come sit. He was in desperate need to be close to you right now. He was more desperate to be finished and be able to be with you too but he didn't wanna rush. This was an important project for him.

You hesitantly sat on his lap and he instantly wrapped his arms around your waist and held you for a bit. He took in the scent of your perfume and groaned.

“You always smell so good baby. Your making me crave you more.” He whined burying his face in the crook of your neck. His hands held on to your waist as he continued to take in your perfumes scent. He would be lying straight through his teeth if he'd say that this wasn't slightly turning him on.

He was finally able to push away his dirty thoughts and instantly got back to work. You on the other hand was needy for him to touch you and fuck so you decide to tease his a bit. You would slightly just rub yourself against him, to hopefully distract him.

You were slightly shifting on his lap and eyed even his slight movements. Taeyong was clearly unaware of what was going on your head but when you began to rub against he felt his breathe hitch in his throat. His hands stopped moving along his computer. His whole body pretty much came to a halt.

He tried to hold back any lewd sounds that was tempted to slip out. His breathes were shallow as he tried to keep himself focus and ignore any sexual frustration that was getting pent up right now.

“Y/n. Stop and sit still for me. Your driving me crazy right now..” He hissed. Both of his hands instantly went to hold your hips, his nails digging harshly into your hips. He head was hidden in the crook of your neck. You could feel his warm breath against your neck.

“But, Tae.. I need you baby.. really bad..” You whined. Rocking down against him again. His nails dug deeper into your hips as he breathes became more shallow. That's when you felt it. His hardened dick was poking against your covered cunt. He smirked at your sudden mood change when you felt him against you.

“Why so quiet now, baby? You were very vocal about how you wanted me so bad. I'll give you just what you want.” He started kissing your neck and grinding against you. He was mesmerized by the moans and whimpers that left you. It only made him want you more. He was quick to slide his hands up your skirt and rub your inner thigh, he wanted to tease you and make you beg for it.

His hand went higher up your inner thigh just close enough to your cunt. He looked up at you with his lustful gaze. He needed you badly and this was making his just as needy as you. 'Fuck it.' he thought to himself before pushing your panties to the sides and sliding 2 fingers between your folds, collecting your slick. He hummed and sucked your slick in his fingers, groaning.

“I would let you sit on my face but fuckk I'm absolutely do needy to feel that pussy around my cock.” He backs up his chair and makes you stand as he slides down his shorts. His dick immediately springs out from him not wearing boxers. He hissed from the feeling of his dick finally being free from it's containment. He stroked his dick a few times before motioning for you to cmere. He made you hover just above his dick and looked up at you with a big dough eyes.

“Tae please just fuck me..!” You whined slightly sinking down on his dick. You didn't really have to tell him twice. He instantly slammed himself into you. He didn't even give you enough time to adjust as he was instantly fucking in n out of you. He had wrapped his arms around your waist and had his face buried between your chest.

You bounced against him trying to match his utterly fast thrust but failed miserably as he was fucking you like an wolf in heat. He was drowning in your moans, Turning him on more. He was completely ignoring your pleas for him to slow down. He was to lost in his own thoughts and he wasn't gonna stop until your leaking with his cum.

“T-Tae, I'm gonna cum! Don't stop..” You begged. He instantly stopped and pulled out of you. You whined at the feeling of your orgasm being denied and the feeling of being empty.

“What are you-” “Just changing positions, princess.”. He replied after cutting you off. He picked you up and brought you over to the lounge chair and layed you out on your bag with you legs spread. He instantly slipped back into you and started pounding into you once again. He wrapped his hand around you neck while the other held your thigh. He couldn't help but lean down and kiss you harshly. Your lips plump and soft against his.

He pulled away from the kiss and lightly squeezed tighter around your throat. He watched as his dick slipped in n out of your cunt. He smirked when he watched your eyes in the back of your head, clearly fucked out from the way he was destroying your cunt right now. His dick was hitting your cervix repeatedly from this angle.

“C-cum.. I'm gonna cum..!” was all you were able to muster out before you released along his dick. You were completely out of it. Taeyong smirked to himself, proud that he was able to fuck you out of your mind like this. His pace didn't seize just yet. He slipped out of you and quickly slipped himself back in.

You were an total wreck under him from the overstimulation. his pace slightly seized as he felt himself about to cum. He pumped in n out of you a few more times before he felt himself release his seed inside you. He let himself sit inside for a little bit before pulling out quickly and pulling your panties back over to cover your cunt. Even tho it was an amazing sight to watch is seed drip out of you but he wanted your cunt to savor it.

He fixed himself back up and sit on the couch next to you. He knew you were completely out of it and had fallen asleep so he pulled you back into his lap and held you. He wrapped his coat over your shoulders and held you close.

He had completely forgotten about the song he was working on. He was to deep in thought and to focused on you. He didn't want to wake you so he decided to head home later in the morning.

He just sat there and held you. He kissed your cheek before dozing off along with you..

꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱

[galacticghoste]

OK im a speak my thoughts on the movie, I'm a try to cover everything i remember

Obviously don't take what I say too seriously it's just my opinion

Spoilers obviously

OK LET ME JUST SAY

I LOVVVVVVEEEEEEDDDD THE MOVIE IT WAS FREAKING AWESOME ME AND MY FRIEND KEPT FAN GIRLING AT RANDOM SCENES AND REFERENCES

Which btw LOVE ALL THE REFERENCES I know i probably missed a bunch but a fun one someone pointed out to me was when sonic say a back to the future quote I didn't even notice 😅

Also Knuckles being afraid of ghost makes sense i keep forgetting i played Adv2 and friend reminded me that oh yeah he dose fear ghost even Casper

"There are no friendly ghost" 🤣

Anyways now MARIA GHAAAAAAAA I LOVED HER SHE SO SWEET AND CUTE AND IT IS NICE TO SEE HER JUST BE A NORMAL KID WHO JUST HAPPEND TO LIVE WITH HER GRANDFATHER and also the fact she roller skates, plays music and dose arts which IM SO GLAD ABOUT HEHEH and was just being a kid was just so sweet

The way she finds a way to get shadow out of the lab and it's by using a teddy bear my HEART and maria being reckless and a bit of trouble maker is SO HER

And and she used shadow as a way to get around faster hit me at my childhood I was shadow as a kid my lil cuz would tie a rope to my bike and I would just bike around as they did nothing. 🤣

BUT LOOK

Idk i feel like the movie needed more time to get more things fleshed out it dosent fully feel like they got everything there

Seeing the film now i understand why Amy or anyone else couldn't be in it their just wasn't enough time

though I already knew this i just felt like complaining about it bc I was grieving the fact they took Amy's scene but since in the movie shadow doesnt lose his memories so Amy wouldn't be able to do much and helping him remember if their nothing to remember it wouldn't be impactful, i do hope they interactat some point they are a cute duo

I think more time was needed too because of Director rockwell, you saw the way she started taking charge and looking like she was gonna take over Commander Walter's place and be new leader it felt like there was gonna be more with her like a betrayal and turn over power to her making herself the leader and those could explain why commander Walter just give the key to sonic bc idk why trust him so easly WITH THE KEY TO DESTROYING THE FUCKING PLANET???

Also the fact the Donut Lord was able to just easly fool her didn't feel satisfying she gave up way to fast for someone who looked like her roles were gonna lead to something even if it was just plane hate for sonic and his friends.

Also I can see why shadow may not like tails Bro literally almost drowned him and stone and interrupted his Novela and didnt even let him eat his "Revenge Guacamole"

(The fact shadow named it that was so CUTE bc ahhh sweet boy my heart!)

Also i do like how shadow remained loyal to Gerald throughout the whole thing really shows how much he cares about the family he as left and how he was fine with dieing if it ment avenging Maria

But I find it interesting that he questions his action a bit late like dude you just now thought about that? I think it would have been better if he questions his action from the beginning but kept using the excuse that this is what Maria wanted or something like that it would given maybe a bit more build up to what Gerald says to him to make him stop questions it

Obviously their no way Maria wanted to destroy the earth even Gerald knew that yet never says it out loud just says "remember what they took from us" and that was enough for shadow to stop thinking about it

Also THE FUCKING FACT SHADOW JUST BEEN LIVING THE SAME NIGHTMARE FOR 50 YEARS HURTS ME POOR GUY

And the fact he says that the sadness was kinda what he got use to and ever knew

(I kin i just dont have nightmares my brain just like to remind me of stuff)

Also did the government just keep him alive bc he was some alien from another planet?

Also he didn't seem to be too young when. He arrived to earth so dose he have amnesia from wherever he was from what was his childhood before maria did he even have one? U would think they would have diesected him and study him while be was put to sleep/frozen for so long

He's been reliving the same events for so long but one day it was enough to wake him up thx to Gerald

Also DOES GEROLD GO TO Comicons?!?! bc ahhh he was saveing that giant arm for it XD

Also speaking on Maria again I'm a bit disappointed by the fact they decide to not cover the fact that Maria was sick or that shadow was supposed to be a cure for her as well as a weapon

I need more scene of the both of them and their lives back in the research facility

I don't think the cover much on him even being the ultimate life form at all or the other experiment or the FACT THEY ARE NOT IN SPACE

I FUCKING KNEW IT I FUCKING KNEW THEY WEREN'T IN SPACE THE SCENES WE GOT WERE ENOUGH PROOF TO SHOW IT HEHHEEHEHEHEH

Its a bit disappointing It doesnt feel as impactful when shadow dose get to step outside for the first time

ALSO I ALREADY WISH WE GOT THE SCENE OF MARIA SAYING SAYONARA AND SHADOW BEING DEPRESSED IN THE TUBE AS HE LANDS TO EARTH

The closest thing to it was when he was captured and tased to enter the tube again and the look of betrayal and sadness and later anger in his face AHHH

His back story in this one is giving Venom vibes with the space rock and him being inside it like its a fucking egg, HE IS LITERALLY JUST AN ALIEN he's NOT SOME SCIENCE EXPERIMENT LIKE WHAT?!?!

Where was he from is he still from the same planet as sonic?

I AM curious on what this will lead to and if we learn more I HOPE WE DO bc that movie did NOT COVER ENOUGH ON THAT SHIT

ALSO THE FACT SHADOW REACTS THE WAY HE DOES WHEN HE SEES SONIC SPECIFICALLY MAKES TOTAL SENSE

HE has never seen another hedgehog

HECK IM WILLING TO BET HE DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS POSSIBLY ONE UNTILL THEN

HE literally would ask Maria if she's scared of him bc he knows everyone else is afraid of him and was worried Maria may be afraid too AHH POOR BABY (no more monster movies for him)

But yeah a bit disappointed I KNOW THEY AINT GONNA DO EVERYTHING THE SAME IM NOT THAT STUPID BUT IDK I JUST FEEL like they only cut that shit out bc they didn't have time which if that's the case it might as well been a two parter film it would give more time to flesh out the characters and give more impact to emotional scenes

(Who knows if they make TV show it would help cover some backstory on him)

Bc that scene with the commander didn't hit i didn't feel too much sympathy and I know i should but the scene wasn't giveing it for me

NOW A SCENE THAT WAS IMPACTFUL

Was when Gerald said to Egg man "your no Maria" I FELT SO BAD FOR EGG MAN

UGH MY POOR DUDE

No but Literally he was in a orphanage his whole life and he ever bothered to get him

Im guessing egg man was born while Gerald may have been in jail or he just didn't care enough.

He either never knew about him or didn't care bc i know he was in jail but egg man is probably a similar age Maria was back then so him never bothering to get him just means he only cared for Maria and kinda shadow he did say KIDS and instead of Just referring to Maria so I think he still got crazy at some point while in jail.

But I wonder why they Commander lied

Yes their was an accident that could have been avoided but it wasn't because of shadow it was bc some dumb ass who decided to shot at some kids and an old man they missed but it cost Maria her life

also why the hell is shadow not reacting more strongly to Maria's death that was his fucking sister

I DONT THINK I SAW A SINGLE TEAR FROM HIM AND THAT DOESNT MAKE SENSE HE IS KNOWN TO CRY AT LEAST A BIT FOR LOSING MARIA BRO SHOULD HAVE BEEN SCREAMING IN PAIN BUT NOPE SILANCE AND ANGER UGHH WHY CANT CHARACTERS CRY ANYMORE not even the memory of it made him cry

Also HOW AND THE HELL IS IT that shadow was just being studied so lightly if he really is and full on Alien bro would have been diesected by now or at least have scars or memory's of it but nope nothing

(YES I KNOW ITS A FUCKING KIDS FILM IM JUST SAYING SHIT would make WAY MORE SENSE IF THEY AT LEAST MENTION IT if they didnt want to show it)

Also i was expecting him to be a bit more edgey i dont mind that he isn't but idk he just seemed depressed the enter movie poor guy needs therapy

I found if sweet that egg man got to expramce everything he missed out of In the film (probably what shadow wanted for him and maria)

Its interesting how shadow and Maria don't have to many lines together it feels like she only talked 1 or twice and that's it i wish their was MORE OF THEM

Also i found it interesting how shadow kept mentioning during their fight that sonic became just like him when it came to revenge and how he kept mentioning that sonic left to fight him against his friends wishes it feels like he saying he shouldn't have made the choice he did kinda like saying he would have done better if he was in his position or like he should be grateful (idk that's just my view on that scene i liked it)

Also the way sonic tells shadow that the pain doesn't go away but he can change the way he views that pain and how he can remember that the love he had for her will always stay

Its sweet but didn't feel that impactful as I thought it would be the word were but idk i think they should have lingered a bit more on the scene or something it feels a bit fast paste at time.

ALSO HAS ANYONE SEEN SHADOWS EYES ARE PINK WHEN HE GOES SUPER?!?!?!?! YESSSSSSSSZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAHHHHHH

Also LOVE HOW SHADOW AND SONIC BATTLE TOGETHER IN THE END THEY WERE AWESOME

But then in the final part when trying to stop the laser from killing the earth later separate them with sonic kinda takeing the place of shadow falling scene and shadow just goes poof for a bit

bro literally just cares to get a task done and not save anyone he doesnt save stone when their place was flooded and now sonic

Also glad eggman still kinda pissed on the moon

BRO HAD ME WORRIED FOR A MOMENT THAT HE MAY BE DEAD BUT NOPE HE GOOD AHHHHHHHHHHHH AND THE WAY HIM AND EGG MAN DID SACRIFICE THEMSELVES TOO?!?! UGH THE BLISS SHADOW MUST HAVE FELT TO MAYBE REST IN PEACE AND EGG MAN REDMETION ARC WITH STONE WHILE IN AN ARK AHHHHHH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH HE CARES AHH

But I was SO SCARED THAT SHADOW REALLY DEAD IN THAT ONE my friend had to keep reassuring me that he's not dead they wouldn't let him die but i was like BUT THEY COULD?!?!

But nope they were right he alright 👍🏼

OK MY BIGGEST JOY WAS SEEING AMY

FUCKING YESSSSSSSSSSS I FUCKING HAD A FEELING IT WAS GONNA BE HER IT HAD TO BE IF THEY DECIDED TO CUT HER FROM THAT FUCKING FILM AND NOT JUST HER BUT METAL SONIC TOO??? BUT NOW WHO MADE METAL???

I have so many questions not enough answers anyways fuck you I think Amy is important and im so FUCKING GLAD SHE FINALLY SHOWS UP AHH GIRLY IS IMPORTANT and she gonna be a battle machine AHHH

Can't wait to see her reason from fighting all those robots who are METAL!!!

[kaisworlds]

taking deep breaths because Tumblr deleted my draft while working on this twice now im going to try and write it in one go so this is unedited

Top dom male reader as always

names in red mean they stop acting like a brat and lose them selves in the pleasure

names in blue means they stop being shy and let out their moans

new: names in orange means they are all up in your ear no shame at all

PT. 2 of who fits the standard

pt1:

Eustass "Captain" Kid

cw: hair pulling.

do I even need to explain why his name is in red

this man's pride and ego is taller than mount Everest i swear it would take some convincing to even let him bottom and he wouldn't let you know he actually wants it

when he eventually agrees he is stripped down laying on his stomach before you order him to get on all fours he clicks his tongue mumbling something under his breath turning around

as you look at his ass you see he already prepped himself when asked about it he stammers out "i want you to get over with it" looking forward hoping you dont notice his flushed cheeks

before all of this he would constantly say things like "you think that small thing can pleasure me you must be out of your fucking mind" you were in fact not small

when pushing into him you notice his thigh muscles tense up so you rub his lower back unknown to you kid is loosing his damn mind no one ever touches him as gently as you do (that won't last for long we all know kid likes it rough come on now)

as you bottom out kid rests his head on the pillow holding in his moans as best as he can "y-you're terrible at this i can do it better" knowing he can't.

as you set a steady pace one fast enough to keep him hard but not fast so he cums wanting him to be more vocal "come on captain let me hear you~"

kid refuses to give you the satisfaction looking back scowling at you "you dont deserve-"

he is cut off by a strong hard gripping a hand full of hair yanking him up so his back is flushed against your chest he lets out a loud groan biting his lip to quiet himself down while you speed up.

"now that wasn't so hard was it?" keeping a harsh grip on his hair tugging the roots he leans his head back onto your shoulder groans and pants slipping out of his mouth

he is very red by the end of the session

"Red-Haired" Shanks

cw: biting, scratching.

he is very open to trying anything you bring up.

asking him to bottom gained an easy yes from the curious man and he knows he can trust you

prepping him was quiet easy he tensed up a little on entry but rubbing and kissing his inner thighs while stroking his dick every once in a while helped

eventually he was ready for you, staying in missionary since it was the easiest position and you wanted to search his face for any discomfort during it.

after fully pushing your self in shanks smirked looking up at you "that's all? I thought you had more in you?"

you furrowed your brow starting with slow thrusts as shanks pretended to be boerd with it you gradually increased to a more brutal pace

he lost his composure really quickly wrapping his arms around your neck pulling your head closer biting on your shoulder his back arching off the bed as your cock brushes over his prostate

he gets really loud really fast his toes curling feeling no shame leaving scratches on your back.

Sabo

cw: frotting, overstim, aftercare

my baby he is very vanilla and a heavy virgin

you were his first everything and very patient with him when he wasn't ready to go all the way

it was around 1 am and you guys were having a make out session on the couch sabo pulls back his lips slightly red from the rough kissing, "i want you" he mumbles out before realising what he said his eyes widen and his face goes red along with your eyebrow raising "are you sure sabo?" he locks eyes with you feeling calmer immediately, he nods.

moving to the bedroom wanting him to feel comfortable you light some scented candles (idk if those exist in one piece but idc) with his favourite flavour

he sits down on the bed staring as you approach him, you sit down placing him on your lap kissing him gently lifting his shirt off over his head your hands roaming his chest.

you guys are now left in your underwear he tugs on your waistband as you are kissing his neck so you lift it down, your dick springing up to slap your stomach.

looking at him you speak "can I touch you..." he quickly nods desperate for your touch he takes out his cock which is flushed at the tip pre cum dribbling out he avoids eye contact embarrassed with how hard he is "you're so beautiful you know?" he hears you mumble his blush growing

you wrap your hand around both of your dicks adding lube jerking your dicks off against each other sabo bucks his hips into your hand biting on his tongue to keep his moans in bet when your thumb circles his tip he lets out a quiet moan and almost a small sob as he cums as you stop not wanting to over stimulate him he wraps his hand around yours jerking faster the grip tightening he leans his head against your shoulder moaning your name

when you and him finish up he is pretty just asleep on top of you so you pick him up taking him to the bathroom cleaning him and your self up before cuddling in bed

koala knew what happened as soon as she saw you two

I feel like this was shit but Tumblr deleted my drafts so idek man

hope you enjoyed

[my-castles-crumbling]

I AM SO SORRY FOR BOTHERING YOU WITH THIS, I JUST DIDNT HAVE ANYONE ELSE, LITERALLY NO ONE TO ASK ABOUT THIS IF YOU DONT WANNA REPLY THAT'S ALRIGHT TOO, AGAIN I AM SO SORRY FOR BOTHERING YOU WITH THIS

How do I really really really make sure I love her?

Cause I've been a tomboy all my childhood and maybe I just have eyes and appreciate beauty?

Maybe we have gone so far in this almost-a-relationship-but-not-because-of-religion, that I think I really love her?

Or did I really fall for her over the time we've talked and held hands in class or when she had her hand on my thigh, all secretly ofcourse.

Or is it just because we are both 14 year olds, who have been to a girls school all our life, we flirted and messaged each other all night, cause of hormones?

Or did I just love her a lot because marauders and other fanfictions have taught me how to love and I did what they taught me ?

A couple months back I had questions whether I really loved her, and that if we were actually allowed to date we would only probably last a year before breaking up.

But then I ignored those doubts cause I really didn't wanna stop whatever we had.

And then I just simped (like really really hard simping) for her more and more and more and she flirted back sometimes but mostly not (especially as of recently) cause she ALWAYS has been the best at controlling herself more than me.

Yesterday we were having talks about like lessening my simping issues and remembering that we are friends before yesn'ts (it's a term we use after I asked her if she was my gf and she said yesn't)(AND I ALWAYS FORGET THAT WE CAN NEVER EVER BE GFS AND HAVE TO BE YESN'TS FOR NOW AND EVENTUALLY JUST FRIENDS AGAIN)

And in the conversation I slipped in that I loved her 90% (I meant true true true love, no doubts, not just hormones and I believe it but I'm still not sure so that's why I am asking you)

And later in the conversation I asked her how much in percentage she loved me and she had to be fully honest.

This is her message copy pasted

it's 78% lust I believe, just because we both know what goes down in make-out and what nit makes it very endearing

Then 22% is seeing you as a silly girlfriend

Someone I'd come home to, someone who would make my days surely alot more lively, a kind, sweet soul. A creative madman mastermimd

She didn't mean the silly, she meant lovely, beuatifull kind gf

But I didn't think she understood my question so after some talking she said

57% is like you guys might work out for a year or a bit more but things are only gonna go downhill from there

My first thought was, this is what I used to think, my 2nd thought was, WOULDN'T MY 90% BE ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF US?? Of course I didn't say this cause it didn't really fit the mood of the conversation and I knew I needed a reason to stop this and just be only friends cause we had to do that at one point.

She HAS ALWAYS SAID I WILL LOOK BACK WHEN IM OLDER AND CRINGE OR BE EMBARRASSED OR REGRET ACTING THIS DOWN BAD FOR HER

Which I very much disagree with.

So, how do I make sure I really really love her, without asking her anything?

I have gotten goosebumps from looking at pics she has sent or some of our messages (that could be just hormones) , before, I had been going through a slight 'depressive' week where I just had been down for the week and crying and talking with her (through snap) helped A LOT LIKE A LOT and I was all better (I think I would have talked with her if we weren't yesn'ts too)

Okay so. Wow.

You both are waaaay overthinking this which is funny because normally teenagers way underthink, so I guess it's good in one sense.

So I need you to think about two questions:

If nothing was to affect your decision (no outside forces, nobody else's emotions, nothing) what do you want with her? Because I can't decide that, you have to figure that out. I'm not asking you how you feel, I'm asking what you WANT.

Is it safe/feasible to tell her that's what you want? (I know you mentioned religion, hinted at some people not being very accepting. Is this a danger? Are your fears legitimate or are you making up scenarios in your head that only might play out?)

Just...what do you want, is it safe to see if she wants the same? You don't need to know exactly what your feelings are or if you'll get married in ten years. You DO need to know what you want, what she wants, and if it's safe (both emotionally and physically) to seek those things out.

Wishing you luck!

[ursawood]

elden ring dlc final boss spoilers

feel like im going fucking nuts because i like... dont really mind the final boss' lore? the fight is completely busted mechanically and i really did not want to fight radahn ever again, but i really dont get most of the complaints about the story itself.

im honestly surprised at how many people earnestly think they shouldve brought godwyn back as lord consort instead which. im gonna be real. i think thats really fucking stupid LOL. the base game tells you over and over that he is the deadest guy who has ever died. he has a whole questline and ending. his story is over. ive seen a lot of people say that radahn being revived somehow retcons or ignores the stuff in the base game about miquella attempting to revive godwyn, but in my eyes castle sol tells the complete story on its own. miquella didnt want to bring godwyn back to life, he wanted him to die a true death. if anything, he probably would have opted to use godwyn's body instead of mohg's if he hadnt given up.

the argument that radahn wouldn't have made the vow in the first place falls flat to me too. he adores godfrey, why wouldn't he want to become a powerful lord when miquella ascends to godhood? he went back on the vow, but we know miquella influences people's wills so it doesn't seem contradictory that he ends up as lord consort anyway imo

there's stuff linking miquella and radahn in the base game, even if we aren't told explicitly that they were close. sellia, where radahn grew up, is full of miquella's lillies. ordina, a town ostensibly built by miquella for his followers, has architecture identical to sellia. its not super explicit, and you wouldn't be able to come to the conclusion that radahn is fated to be miquella's consort from that, but people have accepted that melina is a daughter of marika based on even less. (or that shes the GEQ or whatever the fuck lol) and, yknow, the whole issue of malenia's crusade against radahn that was never fully explained until now

yeah miquella's plan undermines radahn's honorable death, but i think thats intentional. miquella is selfish. he's a child, he doesnt understand how his actions impact others, and he thinks the potential good outweighs whatever harm he causes. its fucked up by design.

my biggest issue with it is just how hard it sidelines malenia. the crusade wasn't her choice, she marched to caelid solely to deliver a threat on miquella's behalf, gravely injured herself in the process, and now she can't do anything except wait for him to get back. her lack of agency kind of fucking sucks.

anyway. it really annoys me when people act like godwyn was the intended final boss all along and fromsoft just rewrote everything 2 days before launch "to subvert expectations/for fan service". plenty of shit in the dlc feels rushed but this genuinely does feel like they were setting up for radahn the entire time, at least to me. it certainly was never gonna be godwyn lol

[cttrajan1206]

hi!! im here to ask about your ocs!!

first of all i would like to say PLEASE read the shadows house manga if you werent planning on it already...! youll get so much more that wasnt offered in the anime since it cuts off at season 2 , its just so good.. SO GOOD ok. ok

about astral and anjem!

i know you said you dont have all the details worked out so its ok if you dont have an answer to any of this atm!

could you talk a bit more about their dynamic/relationship, if you have anything else you wanna say?

what are their goals in the house? are they pursuing roles within relief team, starbearers, etc? are they wanting to get invited?

how good is astral at controlling his soot power? do you think its likely any of his experimenting on anjem could go wrong + how would he react, would he be able to fix it?

love ur ocs :}

WAAA HELLO?? i never original post ever so i was really surprised and excited when you reblogged it saying you'd read it later - AND NOW IN MY INBOX TOO? WAAAA.... >O<

But waa ok ok so! Funny enough, @tsukiomoon was over at my house and convinced me to read Shadow House (having watched the anime) while we were at a bookstore. I'd already glanced at it a few times over the years so I was. Very easy to convince tbh djdhfjf So I actually began with reading the first two volumes!! Then after that, I was thoroughly hooked so we proceeded to binge the entirety of it together in two days. That said, I'd love to read the manga. I'm debating on it because the official translation -> scanlation currency exchange is not in my favour ToT but I think I like it enough to bear through it, the anime missed a few scenes from even just the first two volumes after all.

Onto the ocs!!

Dynamic/relationship: This is a fun one. I've mentioned they both very much love each other already, I think at first they're both very superficial about it and build up versions of each other in their head (Astral even moreso having known longer). It gets deeper as time goes on but Astral isn't obssessed with Anjem just as a person, but also for his quality of being human. Anjem is similar likewise but there's a mighty power imbalance there.

Astral is actually also a special shade! He remembers before morphing. He's probably the worst one to do so though because he doesn't really care about the Shadow House - not when it gives him license to not only have Anjem to himself, but also such close access to humans. To him, the memories just give him a clearer understanding if the Faces' limits. He gets very annoyed with seeing others treat their living dolls badly and will pick fights about it or ask Anjem to give them recompensary gifts to them.

Anjem I'm less clear on... He's bad at cleaning but Astral doesn't mind particularly (and also doesnt produce enough soot for it to be a problem). The rigid structure of his life gives him comfort in its reliability but he does often long for some of the luxuries Shades get. Like nice clothes and better food. He doesn't like coffee though haha. I don't think either of them ever realise the brainwashing thing bc Anjem's too picky and never fully swallows the coffee anyway, sometimes vomiting it out. He still gets the effects partially though

Goals: I think Astral does want to escape the House eventually - he doesn't care too much for getting everyone else out, he just wants to find more and more humans and learn everything he can about them. Anjem I haven't decided too much yet. He knows Astral's goal and wants to be there with him to see it too, to travel the world, but I think he'd be scared of taking that step.

I think he wants to see his siblings again, one last time

Roles: Oop... Astral's power is very good for healing wounds so technically the relief team would be good for him but I personally wouldn't put him in a room with so many humans in it XD He keeps his power very downlow but regardless, I think he'd have made his way into the relief team. He's their bigger advocate on training to treat dolls better.

Anjem wanted to be in the research team instead but, as a Face, he has to tag along and look pretty

Power: At first Astral was pretty bad at controlling his power. He doesn't have blood himself after all, it was very unknown territory. In fact, the only way he Did grow better at it was When his experiments on Anjem failed. They could be very dangerous failures too, in case his soot clogged a vein or he clotted uo the wrong part or forced it to produce too much blood. In his panic to fix it, he tended to reflexively reverse whatever he'd done and so far, though there have been catastrophes, Anjem hasn't died. There was a time when Astral stopped his heart but that's whatever, he's immensely better at controlling them now. He doesn't frequent the training room (especially since his powers require blood), but instead has perfected his powers through practice in his room. He does also keep a few vials of blood he requests from the relief team that uses to practice with at times.

He prefers it best when it's with Anjem though :)

There was once, when the brainwashing had worn off more, where Astral fucked up. In attempting to heal a wound on Anjem's wrist, he accidentally sped up the production of the blood and it poured everywhere, spilling out faster than healthy. Anjem, wide eyed and afraid that this time, he was going to die, scrambled away from him screaming. He tried to run away but the pain was blinding him so much he could barely concentrate. Nothing Astral said could convinve him to calm down, and the last thing he saw before passing out was Astral roughly grabbing at his arm.

Astral was able to stop the blood, working with this as an experiment to control his area of effect, and sealed the wound. He bandaged it up and treated it with care, pressing a careful kiss of regret on the bandage and on Anjem's hand, the black mark staining his skin.

Anjem woke later in his box. He was afraid and angry and upset. He didn't talk to Astral for a full week, only interacting with him as a Face. Astral was heartbroken by this and apologised many times. They made up finally, after Astral stopped him from cleaning and held his hands, about to apologise again, when suddenly Anjem lifted the shade's hands and pressed a kiss to each.

"I'm tired of this. I miss speaking with you. I forgive you, so stop apologising every time I enter a room."

That mended things but going forward, Astral started getting external vials until he was better at his control.

Tidbits!

Astral likes his name but also wants to be separate from it. In private, he asks Anjem to call him "Aster" as a similar compromise. Anjem means "star" in arabic - he named his Face to match the name he preferred :)

Anjem is mostly good at reading Astral's emotions but they have a system of handsignals and body language to indicate the faces they want to make.

I've been thinking on them and their age awhile. I hadn't noticed when I made them that adults get finer clothes than the chikdren but I refuse ti change my design, I'm attached </3 I think they're similar to Barbara and Maryrose - old but still in the children's wing by virtue of not being given an invitation

This is partly due to Anjem's scar but mostly due to Astral's refusal to be useful outside of the bare minimum (this is not a noble thing, he's lowkey just lazy)

Oh my god I wrote a lot sdjbhf

Yeah!! That's them! That's my boys. I'm thinking of making a couple more too - I want to explore the idea of someone using their Face to hide disguise their real emotions

Thank you so much for asking 😭 it means the world to me and got me to think about them more

As an extra, have a doodle of Anjem's second sight of Astral:

[sugarpuptard]

this is probably gonna be a long vent

ugh i keep doing too bad i feel too bleh and it gotta be a traumaversary so it could be why i feel so frozen today and for the past few days. i miss my grandma.. 4 years without her and its been hard on me and my family. she stayed long enough for my mom's birthday thru cancer & covid and since that its been rough when its my mom's bday again. im still mad how someone made it all about herself when she wasn't the one fucking dying, i couldn't grieve properly and i wasn't allowed to grieve properly, everything had to be about her and how she felt 25/8 and i tried so hard bending over backwards for her all the time just to be "rewarded" by being shown its not enough and it gets misconstrued, and im supposed to just apologize and take it. the memories both feel so fresh yet so faded and foggy, those 5 years are honestly so foggy but the years before it are as well, i feel like i wasted so much time, and im mad at the fact that i still feel mad and hurt after everything has moved on now and im safe. but i still get scared that i will be hurt in some way again, that i will do something out of love that will be taken wrong and i'll be berated over it again. its been getting better, i rarely get phantom notifications anymore and managed to desensitize myself with enough apps spamming me that its normal and nothing to feel panic over, most of their things have been ripped to pieces and thrown away when i find them cleaning, though not everything is fully clean and i dont like to be reminded when i do things to care for myself. ive never been able to grieve properly since i was very little, and i tried to give myself the chance to but the stress of it all fucked it all up and im still here just trying to block it out until i cant anymore. then blocking it out makes my emotions worse and not expressed properly so it comes up as emotions of hate and anger that i hate feeling and makes me angry that im feeling it, and i'll think and say things that i dont really mean if i think about them long enough because im just frustrated that i didnt have the chance for that to be peaceful or for anything to be peaceful and i just want the time back. i wish i could get the time back. i try to be optimistic, maybe if things didnt go as they didnt i wouldn't have reached out to my online-childhood-friend-now-fiancé and wouldn't have that feeling of safety and security finally, i am in my heart grateful for how things have gone in my life as its shown me so much, but when i think about all the times that i missed or were messed up and ruined, i grieve those things but i still cant grieve properly so idk how to process anything anymore i just try to ignore but its just so hard sometimes. my fiancé says i shouldn't dwell on it, i find myself snapping back into my mind in the mist of dwelling, and i become aware of the emotions in my muscles and its color swirling in my mind uncomfortably. i dont like to feel, and when i block them out other new more uncomfortable ones come up through that, i wish it was easier. its scary. i block things out willingly and not too much for too long to the point that i dont know who i am, i dont believe i ever knew who i was, its never been stable for years. sometimes i think i know but it slips away, it will cycle unpredictably and i cant tell if its getting easier to just exist in the in between or if im telling myself its getting easier while i continue to ignore it and tell myself everything is fine until im alone and think and remember and feel and see and hear inside my mind that it doesnt feel like its easier at all, "who i am is none of my business", eventually i'll think long enough about it snd it starts becoming a foggy incoherent mess until my train of thought is derailed and i move on and tune it out until something comes up again, then everything comes up again. i wish it was easy, i wish i was normal, i crave simplicity

god i need to reach out to that therapist again and set something up, i need it before i crave doing something stupid again even more than just the passive thoughts of almost nostalgia. im sure i'll be fine i always will be, i just want things to be easier. i didn't do much today so i feel bad about that, i'll try to do some chores and shower tomorrow, and i should start the seeds for my garden this week so im excited about that, i'll make sure to set up a bird feeder too, i think grandma will like that, i wanna see her as a little bird again, i miss her a lot, i wish i had time alone with her and my actual family during her last moments, i just have to accept things now tho

[sunnwalker]

i am going to be real again and say that think that something is actually really wrong with me. I'm not one to self diagnose these sorts of things. Hard to describe my "symptoms" or what ever without feeling dramatic about it. I'm never sure if I'm faking or not, which i guess makes it like impostor syndrome for mental illness? Which is to say it's probably not that im faking it, i just don't fully feel like it's appropriate for me to make any serious claims.

Putting the thing thats been making me feel sick and embarrassed beneath the cut so that way nobody has to see it unless they want to. 👍 Nothing Bad I'm just Bitching about things.

anyway i dont think i feel like im the same person all the time and idk what that means but im actively seeking therapy and just reaching out now because its gotten to a point where i can't really excuse it away by saying "oh im just depressed it'll pass". but like man what the fuck do i even do about something like that. I wouldn't be posting this if I didn't feel like maybe someone might have insight on this because holy shit I'm so lost. How am I supposed to manage this as an adult and How have I managed it for over a decade of my life. im TIRED I'm not here to make myself a victim either that's not what I want i just want someone to hear me and maybe understand what I'm saying.

[thetomorrowshow]

hey man. I was just going through a bunch of my stuff from 2 yrs ago and remembered that I started reading your stuff around then! unfortunately, that was around the same time a bunch of crazy stuff happened, and my depression started. I started thinking about all the stuff I was reading from you, and it reminded me of how much you've gotten me through!

I remember how exciting it would be to come home from school on Tuesdays, knowing that another chapter would be waiting for me. when you went on hiatus, I marked the first Tuesday of every month in my planner and calenders, just so that I wouldn't forget to read whatever you had out when I got home. i would reread your works when I was having a bad day, I would even read them in school. I remember I had a document of some of my favorite works so I could read them in school since almost every website was blocked back then.

you also got me into writing! i don't write much anymore, but when I did, I would do it a bunch. I would stay up late writing and coming up with new stories and dialect. my older sibling even thought I should try to get one of them published! writing got me through some tough times, too, and helped me when I was down. I don't know if I ever would've started writing if it wasn't for you. you inspired me so much. thank you.

the first fan fiction I ever read was on this platform. I read a few, and some of them I quit halfway through. It was kinda getting to the point where I was gonna stop reading fan fiction altogethe. then I found your superhero au. at the time, only the first chapter was out. I didn't know how to navigate this site much at that point, but I did everything in my power to see if you had any follow-up works. I think thats when I created this account (my first one), just so I could follow you. you're the first person I've ever followed here. I figured out your posting on Tuesdays at five (for me) schedule and read all of the time. you definitely peaked my reading time. I don't know if I'll ever read as much as I did then ever again.

because you got me so into fanfics, you also introduced me to the ao3, just by having your link in your description. I started using the ao3 then because it was way easier to find fics there than here. it was through the ao3 that I met my best friend. they're the only person who has fully respected me and cared about me. without you I wouldn't have that. without you I don't think I'd have anyone right now. thank you.

one tuesday, I didn't have the time to read one of your works. I was pretty upset at the time, but it worked out perfectly. the day after was probably the hardest day of my life. I was so lucky to have just that one new chapter to get me to the end that horrible event. i cant even come up with words to describe how much you helped me through that day. thank you.

what I'm trying to say here is that you've done so. much. for me. you've gotten me through so many hard times and made so many connections for me. everyone has that one thing: a show, a movie, a book, an influencer, that they turn to when things are looking rough. something that can't hurt them or betray them, like anything they see in real life, in person. for me, that was you and your stories. you were my idle. and although I'm in a new chapter of my life, you and your works still hold a very special place near and dear to my heart that will never go away. I'll read whatever you give me until the day I die.

sorry for the long essay-ish ask that wasn't even an ask lol! I really didn't expect it to get this long. It also probably has a lot of grammar issues and some parts probably dont make any sense, seeing as im not going to read this over or make any corrections. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable through all this, i dont mean to come across as parasocial or any of the sort, I just needed you to know how much you've done for me (and judging by the amount of people reading your works, I'm probably not the only one). you don't have to post this, especially if it made you uncomfortable in any way. I'm not asking for a reply, and I don't expect one. I only wrote this so you can see the impact you've made, even if it's small. my brother has been wanting to watch a movie with me for a while now, so I'm gonna do that now. who knows if I would be here, able to watch movies with my brother today, if it wasn't for you.

thank you.

I have been hoarding this ask for a very long time. Thank you, anon. <3

[quirkle2]

Tac's mom?!?!!!?

TAC'S MOM ....i don't have a name for her just yet but she is so nice and so cool

as a little kid, before he rly caught onto the fact that it was Weird, tac would occasionally mention his death date in vague ways. it was natural to him, and until he got older, he didn't rly realize that this wasn't common knowledge. when he mentioned the end of the world in such a serious manner, it would make people look at him oddly, or they would never take him seriously. over time, from context, he got the memo; death date talk = tension and weird looks

he stopped mentioning it altogether somewhere around middle school, but his mom never forgot about it. when he was Rly young, it wasn't much to be concerned about—kids say some weird stuff, even if his obsession with The End seemed a little dark. but then he kept saying it. and with the way he talked about it, he seemed fully and utterly convinced of the end of time.

he was still mentioning it in passing when he got into middle school, and that kinda talk is a little more alarming coming from a 10 year old than it is coming from a 4 four old, somehow. 4 year olds will say anything, and when he was 4, he didn't really grasp the Weight of the Knowledge yet

his mom thinks this is . concerning, to say the least. having ur kid mention something like this in such a convinced, serious tone, SO consistently for years,,, it's unsettling. things like, "i dont need good grades mom im not even gonna live long enough to finish college," and, "you're never gonna get to pay off this house... that's kinda depressing."

she remembers the date he's mentioned a few times. october 18th. she doesn't know where he got this info, that he'd die some day in october. where did that even come from? and she wouldn't put so much stock into it if it weren't for his behavior Never changing

he was already kind of uncaring about consequences even at a pretty young age—he didn't apply himself in school, even though she Knew he was a smart kid. he got into a lot of fights and made the wrong people mad at the wrong times, and the only time he ever seemed to care was when it made his mom upset. she's rly the only thing stopping him from doing more drastic things that would get him into more trouble, even when he's older and he knows better

even when he stops mentioning the death date, he never changes that behavior, and it scares her. he never Starts caring; if anything, he cares less and less about his future the older he gets. he seems so convinced...

his downward spirals start showing themselves around middle school as well, and at some point she starts seeking professional help for him.bc this is not normal. outwardly, it looks a Lot like depression (and it is<3) and it takes some convincing, but tac finally agrees to be put on pills, if only to make his mom feel better abt it. they help a little. key word here being A Little. she tries to get him therapy too, but he's stubborn about it

she's very supportive of him, and mostly just worried out of her mind. she doesn't Get It and every time she tries to ask, tac either shuts her down or shuts down himself. maybe she doesn't need to Get It to help him tho. maybe she just has to be there for him

tac loves his mother dearly tho dude he loves and respects her so much. his least favorite thing in the world is stressing or worrying her, so he tries his best to appear like everything's fine, for her sake. he doesn't want her limited time on this planet to be spent pacing the living room about it all. he wants her to just live her life without worrying abt him

[tadpolesonalgae]

i've seen a lot of people saying they'd want cbmthy reader to end up in spring but i don't see it. reader only seems to have a bad relationship with az (and even that is not a harmful relationship per se, as much of an asshole as he's being i think he would protect her like he protects the rest of the ic and the night court) so going to spring makes no sense since 1. tamlin hurt her sister and 2. said sister damn near destroyed his court (actually kind of hate that she did that that way too but) and reader ending up there but still being on good terms with the night court just doesn't really make sense to me. also tamlin acts like a republican, he gave me the ick beyond repair, i know some people want a redemption (and i accept that) but id rather not have to read about him.

my personal feelings aside i think if reader really doesn't end up with azriel (which i think wouldn't make sense because then all the hurt would be for nothing) the best bets for her to move would be autumn with eris but only if eris is already high lord because subjecting her to beron would suck, the day court since helion is the closest to the night court and they trust him also she would love the libraries or she could replace lucien with vassa and jurian (or join him if he doesnt end up with elain or in the day court), the winter court maybe but only for the fact that it's tje other court that seems closer to the night court mostly because of vivianne. or my favorite which is just staying home lol her family is in the night court so even if her and az dont end up together she deserves to be able to stay there with her family as much as him. azriel loved mor for 500 years and knew she didnt love him back but they both still managed to act civil and be friends. even if az hurt reader more i hope it wouldn't be to the point of them not being able to be civil so they could just stay, and they live forever so she'd get over her feelings eventually and find someone new. moving a character away when something bad or a breakup happen is something i always disliked so maybe that's why im giving it so much thought but it really always feels off because what do u mean you can't both keep your family/friends? if nothing truly bad happens why does one character always have to leave? idk

before i finish i just wanna say im not trying to be mean or speak over anyone that has said they'd like her to be in spring. i just wanted to add my opinion but i know over writing like this we cant really convey much emotion so i dont want to sound mean or anything

First of all, I didn’t think you were being mean at all, but thank you for adding that clarification anyway :)

Secondly, to be fair, for me it’s not so much as where she goes rather that she simply needs some time elsewhere. Nothing permanent, but a shift in scene because she’s caught in stale waters and if nothing changes she won’t ever learn to step forward and progress. Also, while the idea of her going to the Spring Court is—I think—very fun, and would be like throwing a spanner in the works, I feel there are only really two places she could go that would make sense to the story, and neither of those are the Spring Court (as interesting as it could be)

Also, I am fully down for a Tam redemption arc 😭🤌

I don’t want to say who she’ll end up with because I think part of the fun is contained within not knowing? She might get with Bas for a bit but then move to the Autumn Court, might become happy by herself and content on her own, might get with Az only for a mating bond to pop up between her and Eris. Who knows? 👀

(I enjoy messing with you)

It might be fun for her and Helion to get in touch, even if it’s just her requesting a scroll or book from one of his libraries, but no promises about that 😭

And thank you for sending this in, it really helps guide me with future parts—helping me know what to emphasise or what I should try to expand upon if it’s been skated over in a previous chapter :) 🧡💛

[dreadisdelight]

PLEASE DONT READ IT YOURE SENSITIVE TO LGBTQIA+ TOPICS!!!!!!!!:

sometimes i just sit there and wonder what i identify as.

i grew up in an area where i didn't have much representation of anything, "gay" was an insult and colours were dedicated to specific chromosomes. if you grazed football as a girl, you were seen as a tomboy alongside if you even looked at claires you were just odd. i think some messed up part of me still believes that, despite every fibre in my being disagreeing with it. there wasn't much representation of being homosexual in a form or another, mainly just jacqueline wilson books i peered into with such curiosity and utmost wonder.

it sort of struck me that i was different when i was much younger too. hell, sleepovers with girls scared me since they smelled so "sweet" or they were much prettier than me. we all watched films with the odd kissing scene and wanted to peer into the mirror, maybe attempt at looking into it without shame. it didn't stick, yet it didn't wipe off. i kissed a girl on her cheek in my bedroom when i was about nine, fags the most ive ever done, and i don't count it fully either. i kissed a girl on her hand too but still, that doesn't count in my books. nobody ever had the "it's okay to be gay" talk with me but they never had the "being gay is a sin" either. it just sat uncomfortably in the room. all the pins and homemade flags were just pretty colours opposed to something with significance in this world. ive tossed the majority of the relics besides a pin i bought when i had a sense of freedom for the first time but that's about it at most. we still haven't talked about it, and we don't intend on it either.

i remember my mom watching a tv programme with me, her eyes flickering towards me whilst saying "i don't get why people come out. i get where she was coming from, as if it was natural, but she was also the figure who never brought up these sort of conversations. the woman who made me feel a sense of crushing burden when i felt a sense of anger. i just shrugged it off, and never gave my views on the matter. i think if i had the confidence, i would have said something along the lines of "it's because we live in a society where showing who you really are needs courage".

i think i did tell her i was pansexual when i was younger too, this was during a mist of things where id say random bullshit to them as a joke, hoping they'd want to linger nearby. i haven't said a word yet.

gender was another thing that puzzled me, which still does. i never really thought much about it, i just thought you were female, male, or non-binary. that's it. no more options, just three buttons and you could click one. i used to lie awake, my mind thinking about issues for me to go 'holy shit am i trans??' which obviously still happens; why would i be writing this out otherwise? i dipped into being demigirl to nonbinary to immediately agender and i sort of sat there, sticking a label on it like they have to me with other diagnoses. i go from wanting big tits and being the epitome of feminine beauty to wanting to have top surgery and going by a new name. i know gender is a spectrum, but some part of me knows everyone around me wouldn't accept me, thinking im more mentally ill than i am.

i don't know why i decided to type this out either. maybe to give myself clarity instead of chastising myself for what's happened in my world.

ive only ever dated afabs. one cis. one somewhere between demigirl and nonbinary and the other transmasc. i know i hurt them one way or another, and so did they. i speak to one of them a few times now and again but for the other two, i apologised to one of recent and it's stuck to my mind. the other i fucked up so bad it hurts to look into a mirror. i think amabs scare me and i don't know why. i attach myself to older guys in films and loosely to other people, remarrying shane in stardew over and over again. one minute i have a preference and then it drastically changes.

my friend once said that people who are lgbtqia+ must have some evolutionary default in them, which i believe heavily. i have autism and probably some other stuff undiagnosed (my autism is clinically diagnosed yall) so that checks out. i saw a survey a while back that most people who are lgbtqia+ are diagnosed professionally or self with something along the lines of adhd, autism, and other mental disorders. but that's all we are. disordered motions, grasping onto conclusion.

maybe one day i will find somebody and it will make perfect sense. maybe i won't find anybody. for now, i know that i can only try, and when i try i collapse in tears wondering why nobody likes me.

[tyki-mikk-and-his-prickly-dick]

In relation to my previous post, I'd like to say we can all agree that unfortunately Kanda is definitely going to die, right? He is walking death flags from start. Plus, even if he does survive, dude isn't ever going to be happy.

Adding more under the cut cos im just rambling mostly lol. Might be jumbled anyway, im on mobile and tired

Its sort of why I added the poll option "supremely happy". We all know its not going to happen, bc in all honesty to give dgm that kind of ending ruins all the suffering we've had to endure along the way 😔 The poll option is my happy au in my head where Alma is alive somehow and Kanda can chill out. I hope Hoshino doesnt pull a jjba reset, if you know you know. Its in the realm of possibility given the hint into the Noah's backstories somewhat

On another note, pretty sure Lavi is going to live, or at least not die until he's rejoined Allen and the others. Ive never forgotten Hoshino saying that she wouldn't answer questions about whats under Lavi's eyepatch bc she had plans for him or something along those lines, im paraphrasing here bc i read this years ago so my memory could be off a bit.

Speaking of death flags, I fully believe Lenalee will live (as of rn anyway might change. We havent seen much of her for a while), but Komui is almost certainly done for. He's lived through too much and if he doesnt become an accomodator for innocence, then he's almost used up his plot use imo. Dont get me wrong, I LOVE that man to bits but cmon. Ciao

I dont wanna even think it but Johnny aint in safe territory out here in the wilds. Mans literally breaking his back for allen, doing the most, being the best, keeping allen sane in the strongest sense of the word, but bro. Allens breaking point? Gonna be if something happens to Johnny. He's had his moment with Kanda, had his moment with Link, Lenalee isnt around, Lavi is stuck in a chair for unknown amount of time, timcanpy is... well.. yeah, he doesnt have a strong enough bond with Tiedoll, and that just leaves Johnny. Idk if he'll die or not, but something has gotta happen to Johnny, and probably soon, and im not looking forward to that. Its another red flag for Johnny that Link and Allen have properly reunited now. I bet that Neah will take over and hurt Johnny, Allen will go ballistic and take back control as best as he can, link will have to offer some kind of support, blah blah you get the drift. Point is im real scared for Johnny