#i would rather be alone but i know i should not be alone in this state so forgive me while im putting sad posts on your dash

[ellecdc]

the case of the missing pickles

poly!marauders x slytherin seer!reader who can't stop Seeing them [2.9k words]

amalgamation of various prompts:

prompt 1 from 🔮🐍 anon: I was wondering if you could do a part two of Sight's Set where one of her visions comes true? maybe the vision is of her on a date with them to Hogsmeade, but it turns out differently where she goes to Hogsmeade alone and they find her there and join her??? prompt 2 from anonymous: Can I please request marauders with a reader who are just in the beginning of their relationship and yet they know r so well like she doesn't have to even ask and she's all confused and flustered prompt 3 from 🕊️ anon: Remus calling feisty slytherin reader 'dove' being her kryptonite

The sun was warm on your skin as the castle gates permeated your view. You were trying to hide your amused smile at the boys’ antics, though you’re sure you were unsuccessful when a gentle laugh escaped your lips.

James faltered in his steps at the sound, turning to look at you with a beaming smile.

“Well gorgeous,” Sirius teased with a salacious grin as he moved to stand in front of you. “I had a wonderful time on our date today.” 

Remus breathed out a chuckle as he placed your jacket that he had been carrying over your shoulders, taking a moment to squeeze your shoulder affectionately before moving to stand with James.

“Don’t make any plans for next Hogsmeade weekend; we’ll definitely be doing this again!” James called; Remus encouraging him forward by a hand on his waist as Sirius walked away from you backwards to continue looking you up and down.

“Don’t miss us too much.” He said with a wink before turning to join the other two boys.

You woke up with a start, shooting upright in your bed as you sucked in a much needed breath. Goosebumps erupted all over your body as the feeling of being submerged in cold water began to dissipate and your nervous system realised it wasn’t dying.

After nearly two decades of living with ‘the gift’ of Sight, one would think your body would have a better response to it.

Alas, it still acted like you were moments away from death.

Perhaps it wasn’t too far off, what with all your Sights of the Marauders overtaking your every waking (and sleeping) moment; perhaps you were dying, perhaps that would be preferable.

After taking a warm shower to bring some much needed heat back to your bones and wash away the residual nerves that your vision had caused, you decided to put it out of your mind; you would never agree to waste one of your precious Hogsmeade trips with the Marauders anyways, so there really was no point stewing over it.

You eventually made your way into the Slytherin common room to find Regulus and Barty already situated with a copy of the Daily Prophet.

“Good morning, Treasure!” Barty cheered as he stood abruptly from his spot on the sofa with Regulus. “Heading to Hogsmeade today?”

“You know that I am, Barty.” You responded with a smirk. “I told you I needed to go to Tomes and Scrolls; the book I ordered should be in.”

“Great!” Barty clapped his hands together. “I need to stop at Dogweed & Deathcap!”

“Absolutely not.”

Barty paused in his excited tirade to look at you incredulously. “What do you mean, absolutely not!?”

“I mean you are absolutely not coming with me, Barty.”

“Why!?”

“Barty.” You started as if you were speaking to a rather troublesome toddler. “Last time I let you come with me you had us kicked out of Zonko’s and then spent two and half hours violently debating with the Dogweed & Deathcap shopkeep about the proper brewing times for veritaserum.” 

Barty stared at you bewilderedly as you held his gaze.

“You’re really not going to let me come with you?” He asked after a painfully long silence. 

“No.”

Barty stomped his foot once and let out a petulant breath. “Then you’re not allowed to be my best woman at our wedding!”

Regulus looked up from the newspaper he’d been engrossed with in favour of this ridiculous conversation to look at the two of you in bemusement.

“Wha-? We’re not getting married?” Regulus stated as a question, effectively removing Barty’s furious glare from you only to have it directed at himself. 

“It’s just one sodding disappointment after another!” He screeched before turning and storming off towards the boys’ dormitory. 

You and Regulus stared at the empty spot that was once Barty Crouch Junior before Regulus broke the silence by standing with a tired sigh. 

“Well I guess I know what you’ll be up to today.” You teased gently earning you a groan from the youngest Black. 

“If you happen to be by Honeydukes…”

“Yeah, yeah.” You cut him off, accepting the galleons he pulled from his pocket as he held them out to you. “I’ll pick him up some sugared butterfly wings.” 

“Thanks, I’ll need all the help I can get.” He grumbled as he made his way after his cantankerous boyfriend. 

Even the dreary weather couldn’t bring your mood down as you pocketed your galleons and accepted Barty’s bag of sugared butterfly wings from the Honeydukes shopkeep. 

You loved Hogsmeade, and you loved visiting with your friends, but sometimes there was nothing like enjoying a peaceful trip on your own.

Feeling quite pleased at having procured your special order from Tomes & Scrolls and successfully running Regulus’ errands, you pulled your hood up to protect yourself from the elements outside before pushing open the shop door only to collide with a heavy force on the other side. 

“Hullo, L/N!” James called as he quickly righted you. 

This cannot be happening. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” You grumbled as you stepped out of James’ hold, pretending like you didn’t notice the slight fall in his expression at the loss of contact.

“Nope, I think you’ll find I’m really quite Sirius.” Sirius said with a wink.

“Ew-” You started, turning to look at the longhaired boy in disgust. “That was terrible. That’s a terrible joke.” 

“Listen, when you get cursed with a name that’s also an adjective, you get to make all the terrible jokes you’d like.” He responded plainly. 

“You get used to it.” Remus sighed; offering you a sympathetic crooked smile.

“I should think I won’t, thank you very much.” You said as you turned to walk away, only to feel a gentle hand grasp your elbow.

“Whoa whoa, where’re you off too in such a hurry?” James asked teasingly. 

“The castle?” You responded quickly, immediately berating yourself for deigning to explain yourself to the likes of the Marauders. 

“Before lunch?” Remus asked then. “It’s not a trip to Hogsmeade without a stop at the Three Broomsticks.” 

“I’m not hungry.” You proclaimed with finality only for your stomach to traitorously contradict you by groaning rather loudly at the thought of one of your beloved tuna melts from the restaurant.

“Liar.” Sirius smirked smugly. “To the Three Broomsticks!”

Before you had a chance to protest, Remus and Sirius were walking ahead as James threw his arm over your shoulders and guided you after them.

“Get your hands off of me, Potter.” You spat.

“Sorry sweetheart, I wish I could, but then I’d have no way of ensuring that you wouldn’t just take off.” He apologised, not sounding very apologetic at all. 

You thought of your Sight from this morning but decided you were relatively safe; they had called it a date - this was decidedly a hostage situation. Besides, the weather had been really rather lovely in your Sight; today’s weather was quite the opposite.

It was fine.

This wasn’t a date.

You were fine.

Just fine. 

Except you had no sooner entered the Three Broomsticks before Sirius was pulling out a chair for you as James rather forcefully sat you in it; Remus quickly sitting and blocking your means of escape on your other side.

“I’ll go order!” James called quickly before nearly skipping towards the bar to do just that.

Sirius sat across from you looking all sorts of chuffed at his current predicament, smiling knowingly between Remus and yourself. “So,” he started. “Any more visions of your wonderful future with us?”

“Bite me.” You spat immediately, hoping to all the gods that no one noticed the heat emanating from your cheeks at the question. 

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He smirked.

“Be nice to her.” Remus chided softly. “She already doesn’t want to be here.”

That’s right, you thought petulantly before quickly scolding yourself for agreeing with a Marauder. 

Entirely too soon in your opinion did James return, happily sitting beside Sirius and looking around the table. “So! What’d I miss?”

“Y/N wants me to bite her.” Sirius responded quickly. “Okay!” James agreed readily. “Now?”

“Oh my gods I’m going to avada myself.” You muttered as you pressed your fingers into your temples.

“Oh come now, not before lunch.” Remus chuckled, rubbing conciliatory circles onto your back.

You couldn’t believe how tactile these boys seemed to be; they almost always had their hands on each other in some way. Sirius currently had a hand on James’ thigh who had his arm thrown casually over the other boy’s shoulder. You were almost certain that James had extended his legs under the table and was currently playing some form of footsie with Remus, who, in turn, had his hand on your back. 

And then you thought of the ease that James had thrown his arm over your own shoulder on your way here as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

“What’re you thinking so hard about?” Sirius asked, pressing a finger to the divot that was growing between your brows before you hastily swatted his hand away from you.

“Just wondering what I ever did in another life to deserve this.” 

“Must’ve been an angel in another life to deserve us.” He responded haughtily.

“She’s an angel in this life too.” James added; beaming smile making you feel as though you needed to squint your eyes lest you look directly at it. 

The barkeep saved you from having to think of a response by placing food in front of each of you.

Your beloved tuna melt that you had been dreaming of earlier sat on a plate before you, confusing you as to how James seemed to know your order.

But perhaps he hadn’t; perhaps the barkeep recognised you and knew what you usually ordered. 

You pulled open the sandwich and were hit by another curiosity.

“There’s no pickles?” You asked aloud, causing the three boys to look at you in bemusement. 

“Did you want pickles?” James asked you slowly; his fork hovering over his plate as he delayed the first bite of his own meal on your account. 

“Well…no, but it usually comes with pickles.” You explained dumbly. 

“Yes but you always pick them off, so I asked for no pickles.” He explained simply before finally taking his long awaited bite. 

“How did you know that?” You demanded rather harshly then. 

“Know what? Your order?” Sirius asked on James’ behalf.

“Yes. And the pickles.”

“Because we pay attention?” Remus offered then; you could see him scrutinising you from the corner of your eye.

“Do you want me to go ask for pickles so that you can pick them off?” James teased then, an ill-suppressed amused grin threatening to overtake his face. 

“No, I want you to stop that.”

“Stop what?” Sirius asked with a smirk. “Knowing things about you?”

“Yes, that. Stop that.” You ordered.

“You’d have to obliviate me.” James taunted, leaning on his elbow and resting his chin on his fist as he considered you. 

“Better make sure to get the incantation right, gorgeous.” Sirius added. “Otherwise you’ll be responsible for his care when you ultimately put him into a vegetative state.”

You huffed petulantly before opting to take a bite from your sandwich in favour of continuing with your current conversation. 

“I’m sorry, but I have to ask-” Remus started with an amused grin on his face. “If you don’t like pickles, why don’t you just ask for no pickles?”

You let out a conceding sigh as you swallowed your bite. “I don’t want to be a bother…it’s just as easy to pick them off myself.”

You felt shame prickle at the back of your neck when your answer was met with silence before Sirius let out a bark of laughter. 

“Oh my Godric,” He exclaimed excitedly. “You are a big softy.” 

Against your better judgement you kicked your foot out at the long haired Marauder, horrified when James yelped before reaching under the table to rub his hand over his shin. 

“Fucking hells, sorry Potter.” You grumbled as you tried to curl in on yourself, watching as Remus cooed at the bespectacled boy and Sirius laughed at him. 

“Oh, no worries angel.” James offered you tightly, voice coloured with pain as he forced a smile at you. “Merlin, you've got quite the leg on you.”

“Fuck yeah she does.” Sirius agreed salaciously, earning him a fiery glare from you as you considered re-aiming your foot. 

“Easy there, dove. Play nice, yeah?” Remus murmured then, causing a shiver to rush down your spine as you turned to look at him with your mouth parted slightly.

You were absolutely horrified at the very visible reaction you had to the scarred boy’s endearment - and you knew it was a very visible reaction because Remus had a very visible reaction to it. 

“You’re alright, dove.” He murmured again, this time with a knowing smirk before turning back to his own sandwich and pretending like he hadn’t just completely rocked your world with one simple word. 

You looked over to see Sirius pick off of James’ plate as you waited for James to use his fork as a weapon for the egregious crime of stealing food, only to see James quickly load up a fork-full and hold it out for Sirius to try. 

“Fuck, I should have ordered that instead.” Sirius admitted as he swallowed the bite.

“Wanna switch?” James offered quickly, already lifting his plate to give Sirius room to slide his over should he want. 

“I’m not taking your meal, bubs.” Sirius responded with a smile as a faint blush dusted the tops of his cheeks. 

“You’re not taking, I’m offering.” James insisted, moving Sirius’ plate in front of him before placing his own plate in front of Sirius when it became obvious the other boy wasn’t going to help. 

“Thank you.” Sirius admitted rather shyly for the notoriously boisterous boy before he pecked a kiss to James’ cheek.

You looked over to Remus in bemusement only to see him looking lovingly over at his boyfriends. 

“Did you wanna switch, too?” Remus asked then, alerting you to the fact that he was quite aware that you had been staring at him.

“Absolutely not; you stay away from my tuna melt.” You spat before taking another bite.

You found yourself quite glad that the boys simply laughed before moving on to other topics of conversation, watching curiously as they talked and joked the afternoon away.

By the time the four of you were making your way back towards the castle the sky had cleared, leaving the spring air fresh and fragrant in the warm sun.

You felt a gentle tug and turned to watch Remus pull your jacket out of your arms before folding it over his own arm to carry it for you.

Shit. 

“Moons! What do muggles call the game ‘leaping toadstools’?” Sirius called suddenly from where he and James had run ahead.

Remus breathed out a chuckle as he smiled at them. “Leapfrog.” He called back with an audible eyeroll you were sure was mostly for show.

“Rem, I bet five galleons that me and Pads can leapfrog the whole way back to the castle.” James shouted.

“I’m not betting.”

James let out a horrified scoff. “Why not!?”

“Because I know that you likely can even though you probably shouldn’t.” He responded simply.

“Don’t rain on our parade, Moony.” Sirius said dismissively, waving Remus off like he was the definition of anti-fun. 

And to your absolute horror, you found yourself rather entertained as you watched them line up to play leapfrog; the only interruption of the game on your walk being to pet the odd cat, point at a patch of honking daffodils, and to run back and steal kisses from Remus (glaring at them when they threatened to do the same with you). 

The sun was warm on your skin as the castle gates permeated your view. You were trying to hide your amused smile at the boys’ antics, though you’re sure you were unsuccessful when a gentle laugh escaped your lips.

James faltered in his steps at the sound, turning to look at you with a beaming smile.

“Well gorgeous,” Sirius teased with a salacious grin as he moved to stand in front of you. “I had a wonderful time on our date today.” 

Remus breathed out a chuckle as he placed your jacket that he had been carrying over your shoulders, taking a moment to squeeze your shoulder affectionately before moving to stand with James.

“Don’t make any plans for next Hogsmeade weekend; we’ll definitely be doing this again!” James called; Remus encouraging him forward by a hand on his waist as Sirius walked away from you backwards to continue looking you up and down.

“Don’t miss us too much.” He said with a wink before turning to join the other two boys.

And though you would sooner die than admit this to anyone, after this rather lovely afternoon and with the amount of time the Marauders have spent leapfrogging through your mind, you didn’t think you could miss them too much, even if you wanted to.

[thatlesbianbarbie]

Our Omega

Pairing: Select Lionesses x reader

Tags: Omegaverse, Sight Kidnapping, Fast burn, Love at first Smell.

Summary: large packs are normal but you never expected to be in a pack with players from the England lionesses. I hate this but I needed to expel my demons.

WordCount: 2.6K

You weren't ever really interested in Fútbol well in the women yes but not so much in the logistics and rules. So one time when your new Alpha coworker Amber offered to bring you to an England lionesses game you were really just interested in seeing pretty girls. Which is how you are here is a sweaty crowded stadium watching England play France. The weather was almost as hot as the players, meaning you were sweating out your eyeballs. But it's worth it for the front row view you are getting. “ Do you think they are going to win?” Amber asks, leaning slightly into your space. You've only worked with her a couple of times and she definitely likes you more than you like her.

She seems to be confident in herself as if everyone owes her something. “They're going to win”.You don't move your eyes off of the pitch. The whole game she has been asking you technical questions you don't know the answer to. She doesn’t understand that just enjoying the view she has to know everything. It is more than a little frustrating.

You by some grace of god manage to zone out for the remainder of the match only nodding and humming as she talks beside you. Once the match is over the wind picks up rather drastically blowing from behind you and across the pitch meaning anyone standing close can smell the sweat on your skin.”You smell good “ Amber whispers her voice deeper than usual. You really should have told her you weren’t interested. “Thanks” you try to gather your bag and wrestle your coat back onto your body. You're so focused on getting everything together so you can get out of this crowded place that you don't notice someone jogging up to the barrier.

”Hey you” A alpha voice growls from below you. You whip around in surprise. Millie Bright is standing on the other side of the barrier pointing directly at you. You point to yourself with a curious look surely she couldn't mean you. “Yes you come here” she curls her finger and it is like some part of your omega brain is triggered as you shuffle to be right against the barrier.  “Smell me” You do a double take because there is no way in hell she is insinuating what you think she is. Mates can recognize each other by scent and she seems to think you are fated. Who are you to deny this beautiful woman's claims? So Of course you lean over the barrier smelling the junction of her neck and should deeply. She smells strongly of bergamot and vanilla; it's almost intoxicating. You pull back slightly dizzying from the overpowering smell. “I knew it was you. Did you come here with anyone.” Millie questions your head still spinning, you only point to Amber. “Who is that?” Her growl is only low enough you can hear it but it is still terrifying. “A coworker, I think she was trying to get me to go out with her.” You mumble leaning in for more of Millie's scent. “That's not happening “You yelp as you are pulled over the barrier. “Hey that's my date you can’t just go off stealing her”Amber shouts but Millie doesn't even offer her a glance back. 

Millie shifts you to rest comfortably on her back. You can’t seem to bring yourself to care about the full stadium of people around you watching or videoing you. “Who is that? '' You recognize Lucy bronze in her accent alone. Her voice is just as intoxicating as Millie's scent. “Smell her” Mllie prompts as Lucy circles around her to get a better look at you.you can't help the giggle that escapes you when she nuzzles her face into your neck. “I am jealous of Your nose mill Never would have smelled her from over here.”Lucy has appreciation clear in her voice. “‘I think I should go home” Your mind starts to clear and suddenly all of this is hitting you really hard. “baby you're going to be alright Mills And I will take great care of you and just wait till Leah Hears about you she will be ecstatic.”Lucy's hand rubs over your back as Millie's purr fills the air around you again pulling you back into a manipulatable state.

When you mind finally returns to you you are in the back of a car tucked into someones lap.”Hello love” Its leah fucking williamson holding tucked to her chest like her favorite teddy bear. “Love you need to calm down or I will start Purring” Leah runs her hand over your back in soft circles. “You are safe we are going to get you home and get you fed. How does that sound.” Leah asks, wiggling her eyebrows for added effect. ”I was thinking Ham sandwiches,” Leah offers with a smile on her face. Now that she says it you are hungry. “She doesn’t want a ham sandwich Lee” You peek up from Leah to see Mary Earps navigate the car through traffic. “She seemed to think a ham Sandwich sounded pretty good, didn't you love it?” She asks softly, nuzzling at you. “A ham sandwich is okay. Whatever is easy, I don't want to be a bother.” You smile at Mary in the rearview. “You're never a bother, love your omega . We will do anything we can to take care of you.” Mary's tone is softer than you've ever heard in any interview ever. “Thank you”

“You don’t have to thank us. Love , we want to take care of you and do nice things for you.'' Leah smiles, pulling you close into her.``Were Here” Mary sings songs pulling into a gravel driveway. “Is that her?” You hear someone call as Mary opens the door and walks around to help Leah out. Mary opens the door and reaches out for you”You can walk if you want but you might still be drowsy and the gravel is sharp if you fall.” Mary explains as you let her lift you out of the car. ”Hi Im Ella that's Less over there with the blonde hair. She is a little nervous” Ella laughs as Less sheepishly jogs to catch up with Mary. “Mary kicks the door open and slips her shoes off. “Less Tooney Why don't you two go get the bags from the car” Mary is more telling then asking and the girls complain but still surender and go back to the car.

“Georgia Go straighten up the nest please” Mary asks the girl resting on the sofa. “It's really her” Georgia’s voice. “You can Gawk over her later go get the nest sorted” Mary ushers her up stairs and sets you down in the spot Georgia vacated. “Stay Here Mills is in the kitchen. I want to make sure she is making you something other than a ham sandwich. “Mary says with a roll of her eyes. She clicks the tv on to a random channel and walks off leaving you alone and questioning everything going on around you. Surely this has to be some kind of weird dream. There is no way Some of the most famous football players in the world are mated to you.

“What are you so stressed about? I can Smell you from all the way across the house” Lucy Collapses into the sofa next to you. “It's just a little Sudden I go from no mates to I don't even know” You run hand through your sweaty hair. “Seven. you have Seven Mates.” Lucy sets her Head down in your lap and you can't help the wave of calmness that overtakes your body simply from having your Alpha This close. “Ten is so many” You groan slouching back into the arm of the sofa. “Ten makes for a healthy pack. You have your alpha prime, that's Mills. Then you Alphas Leah, Mary, and Me. Then Your Delta Rachel You have your betas. Ella Alessia and Georgia.Then you are a beautiful sweet image.`` ''You guys don't even know me” you run a hand through Lucy's impossible soft hair. “Not yet but The girls will remedy that at dinner always a million and one questions.” You can practically hear Luce's eye roll. 

“Dinner is ready” Marys sings songs from what you can assume is the kitchen. “We should get you some food before there isn't any left.” Lucy's stands and pulls you up behind her. You tail after her and she doesn't let go of your hands. The table is set and the room is empty save for Mary. “ Mills wanted to get changed, just sit and I'll get dinner dished out” Mary gestures to the table before retreating back into the kitchen. “Sit here” Lucy pushes you into a chair and pushes you flush with the table not leaving any room for argument. “I'm going to help Mary stay here” Luce presses a kiss to the top of your head before evicting the room. You're barely alone a second before Rachel comes barrelling into the room. “Ahh there you are. Those girls have been hiding you away from me” She slides in “Hey” It feels so surreal to be talking to these women as if they are everyday people and not super famous. “I'm Rachel but you probably knew that considering you were at our game” She has a slight teasing tone to her voice that you find yourself really enjoying. ”how do you feel? I know the girls can be a little too much when they are all together” Her voice has such genuine concern in it that your heart hurts. ”I feel A little overwhelmed. It's just so sudden one moment I am watching a football game and the next minute freaking millie bright is pulling me over the barricade and telling me I am her mate. I just don’t know how we move forward from this.” It feels nice to tell someone about the thoughts that have been racing around your head for the past couple of Hours. ”First we decide if you want to keep your job. Then if you want to move in with us which I think is best but you can do whatever you think is best for now. That's all the decisions that need to be made right now.” Rach sounds like she has done this a time or too before. “And Mating bonds' ' That was the real problem here. You wanted to mate them to have them inside of you with their teeth on your skin but how could you even know what they expect. “If you want to do it today we will or the girls will wait. They might not be ecstatic about it but they will get over it.” Rachels hand finds itself wrapped around the back of your chair, her hand resting on your shoulder. “I think I would like to at least start tonight. I might not want to go all the way through but I want to try. I want to be mated to you guys. All I have ever wanted was to have a pack of my own. ''You let out a shriek as the door bursts open and ella and less fall into a pile on the floor.

“Girls you know how rude it is to eavesdrop.”Rache looks mock aghast as the girls scramble to make themselves presentable. “Who has been eavesdropping” Millie comes in behind less and ella and they at least have the heart to look embarrassed.”  I was trying to have a healthy conversation about the emotions our omega was going through but these two decided to drop in.” Rachel Eplains as millie finds her spot at the head of the table.  “You two know better than to eavesdrop you're on dishes” Mille scolds her alpha voice coming through slightly due to her frustration. “But we were on dishes last night,” Ella complains, sinking into her seat. “And the night before” Less adds with a pout. “Sounds Like you two are in a whole lot of trouble” You can't help the words as they escape your mouth. “How dare you we are the sweetest nicest girls you could ever be graced with the presence of” Ella argues making direct eye contact with you as if daring you to challenge her claim. “You can’t be in here lying to our omega she doesn't know any better yet” Mary enters the room with a large glass pan full of lasagna cradled in her arms. Luce enters behind her a salad and dresses in her arms. “Where did Georgia and Leah run Off too.”Millie questions cutting into the lasagna. “I think they were making sure the nest is clean for her” Luce starts putting salad on people's plates. “I can get my own food Luce” You are trying to pull away your plate. “Do you see any of these girls making their plates?” Luce raises an eyebrow as you look down into your lap. “No” You mumble not bringing yourself to look her in the eyes. “Let Me make your plate for you” Luce prys the plate out of your hand and sets it back on the table in front of you after there is an adequate amount of food on it. Georgia and Leah come running into the room just as all of the plates are dished up. “Georgia, would you mind grabbing the pop?” Georgia rolls her eyes but hurries down the hall in search of the pop. 

Once dinner and all two hundred and one questions are done a bath is a welcome relaxation. Until you realize Georgia is intent on joining you in said bath. “ Just get in, I'll go you in a minute” Georgia leaves before you have the chance to say anything. Leaving you to strip and sink into the seamting bath all by yourself.You almost find yourself falling asleep as the comforting smells of the bath oils georgia used fill your nose. “I have snacks' ' Georgia hurries into the bathroom startling you out for your thoughts. “I have ice cream and pop” Georgia sets the ice cream and a red beverage that must be the pop down next to the bath before stripping off her clothes. “Lean forward so I can Get Behind ya” Georgia barley utters the words before you're moving to comply. She slips into the bath behind you and pulls you to her chest as soon as she is settled. “Here luv” Georgia presses the ice cream into your hands and sets about washing your hair. You would be lying if you said you didn't enjoy it. Plus that ice cream is good cherry Garcia is truly the way to a girl's heart. I mean who could deny such a sweet woman. 

By the time you're done with your bath all you want to do is curl up in your nest well. If they even have a nest I mean what pack wouldn’t have a nest. Georgia wraps you in a fluffy towel and carries you into a bedroom. There is a large circle bed built into the floor while their nest building skills could you word it was habitable at least for the night. “Here Baby” Alessia handed you a shirt and a soft pair of boxers. You change into them and crawl into the net, your body sinking into the plush material. Soon after you lay down the rest join and a blanket is tossed over you. You can't help yourself as you drift off to sleep surrounded by your soon to be mates.

[miirohs]

sore wa hanabi [k.s]

pairing: Ken Sato x GN!Reader wc: 1.4k cw: n/a an: this was inspired by hanabi by ikimonogakari and motospeed 24 by bibi, i fucking love those songs so much UGH. pls ignore the plot holes i was tired and it was like 12 when i started!!! i love writing chat

The last of the sunlight rippled across the water, a slow breeze blowing past you on the steps of the house, watching as the city seemed to come alive.

The sounds of a motorcycle in the distance distracted you, head shooting up from your knees as Professor Sato limped out of the front door, gently setting down his walking stick as he sat next to you.

“He’s coming back home then?”

It wasn’t really a question, rather a statement.

“I believe so. He was out for interviews almost all day.”

He didn’t respond, digging into the pocket of his khaki vest, pulling out a worn flyer and handing it to you.

“What is this?” You asked, gently unfolding the colorful paper.

“It was a fireworks festival. I’m sure they still hold them yearly around here, and Emiko took Kenji often when he was younger. I’ve seen it myself from the apartments sometimes, and they’re a sight to see.” He explained softly, smiling into the distance as your eyes flitted over the contents.

“I see, but what exactly-”

“I think you should go see them, you and Kenji need some alone time as well,” He didn’t let you finish, poking your leg with his walking stick, “Plus, it would be good for me and Mina because we need to get more data on Emi, and Ken won’t let us do that without breath down my shoulders about us hurting her.” 

You could barely respond as he got up, limping his way back to the door without further explanation. “But Ken is going to want to see Emi and-”

“Me and Mina can take care of her if anything happens. If the boy troubles you about that, tell him I told you he was to do so. He may be Ultraman now, but I'm still his father!” He cackled, shaking his head affectionately as he closed the door gently.

The light was gone now, but you could hear the sound of his bike getting closer, rubbing your arms to regain your warmth as you waited. Soon enough, Ken appeared against the twilight sky, silhouette illuminated by the headlights of his parked bike.

“Hey baby, what are you doing out here?” he greeted, tone filled with a mixture of exhaustion and relief upon seeing you.

“The weather was nice out, and the view was gorgeous.” You responded, turning to him as he sat down next to you. “The view is gorgeous from inside too,” He joked, intertwining a hand into yours, “I don’t get why you wanna sit out here, it’s cold and you don’t even have a jacket on.”

You clutched the paper in your other, taking a deep breath in. You had no reason not to, it could be a good surprise.

“You know, i was thinking we haven’t had a proper date night since we moved here and-”

“We had a movie night though!” Ken chimed in, staring at you, confused. It was like he couldn’t see where you were going with it. “Yes, we had a movie night honey, but it was interrupted every ten minutes by the loud baby we happen to be taking care of, remember?” You said, exasperated. 

“I would baby, but what about Emi?” 

“Your dad and Mina can take care of her. He said you’d trouble me about it, and that I should tell you that he insists.” You tilted your head towards the city.

Ken chuckled, shaking his head. “That sounds like him honestly, but where do you wanna go? You gotta have something planned if you’re insisting on dragging me out.”

“I was thinking we could ride through the city, I'm pretty sure the seaside looks gorgeous at night.” You could barely hold back your smile as he wrinkled his nose, it was almost like you could see the gears turning in his head.

The exhaustion almost seemed to leave his face, a smile taking its place. “Alright, you win. Go get your jacket and meet me out here in… five?” You nodded, getting up from your spot.

“Five minutes,” you repeated to yourself softly, heading inside to grab your jacket. The excitement was building as you folded up the paper, gently hiding it in your pocket as you grabbed your helmet.

He was already near the motorcycle, leaned over the dashboard as you approached him, barely able to contain the excitement.

“I think you remember how to ride a bike, right baby?” You nodded, allowing him to put your helmet on for you, securing it till you felt comfortable. “Of course. I’m ready when you are.”

Ken winked, helping you onto the bike before climbing on himself. The engine roared to life and you wrapped your arms around his waist, adrenaline running through your veins as you started down the path. The wind was fast, seawater blowing into your face as you both skirted across the water.

​​The city was a blur of nightlights as you weaved through the streets, laughs of delight leaving your mouth as you turned and sped down the straights. The neon signs and billboards created a colorful mosaic, a dazzling display of light. 

Ken glanced back at you briefly, shouting something at you, a wide smile on his face as he pressed down on the accelerator.

“This feels so familiar, what are you doing to make this happen baby?!” You pressed your face into his face, barely hiding the grin on your face as you shouted back. “A magician never tells Ji!” 

You slowed near the city limits, allowing for you to nudge him in the direction you wanted to go. The city faded into quieter roads, riding on the outskirts of the city, the smell of the sea intermingling with the scent of his perfume. The waves crashed against the seawall, spraying you with water.

You looked up, narrowed eyes growing wide as bright lights went off in the sky.

“There, look!” you exclaimed, your voice barely audible over the rush of wind and the distant explosions of the fireworks. You squeezed Ken’s waist, taking one hand off to point up at the sky.

He followed your hand, relaxing in awe as he watched the colorful display unfold above you. It wasn’t long until you found a place to park, Ken eagerly pulling you off the motorcycle, running down to the beach with you in hand.

“Sup- Whoa, surprise Ji!” You laughed as you both stumbled, pulling closer to the source of the lights. The sand was surprisingly cool beneath your feet as you stood on the shore, fireworks exploding in a variety of colors.

Greens, pinks and golds colored the sky, painting the dark with bangs of light, fizzling out just as quickly as they came up.

“Your mom used to bring you here before you moved, didn’t she?” You looked at him, the light reflecting in his glassy eyes, softened by nostalgia.

"Yeah, she did. How did you know?"

“I’ve heard a thing or two about your trips.” You commented to the side, allowing him to lead you aimlessly, "I thought you might like to revisit those memories." You squeezed his hand as he paused once more, turning to look at you.

“She used to call them something else- hanabi. It was the Japanese word for fireworks, I think.” He brought up a hand, wiping his eye on his free arm.

“That sounds beautiful,” You turned to him, floating closer and closer every second.

There was nothing more to be said, holding his hand with as much affection as you could, fireworks exploding somewhere in the background. The light illuminated the sharpness of his features, and you leaned in, closing the distance between you and Ken. 

His lips met yours, soft yet firm. The fireworks seemed to pause for that brief moment, allowing you to be trapped in the bubble you’d made for yourselves. Ken's arms were wrapped around you, holding you close as if he was never going to let go.

en rested his forehead against yours as you pulled apart. His eyes scanned yours, as if trying to capture every detail of the moment to memory.

"I've missed this," Ken murmured, his voice barely above a whisper as you pulled away.

“No kidding, we should do this more often shouldn’t we?” You giggled, running your finger down the ridges of his nose, booping the tip.

Ken nodded quietly, allowing you to lean in closer once more. "Definitely. It's moments like these that make life more bearable."

You leaned in again, brushing your lips against his cheek before resting your head on his shoulder. The last of the embers faded into the sky, pieces of your heart drifting off with them as you watched Ken.

"Let's come back here again," Ken suggested softly, his voice barely audible over the gentle lapping of the waves. "Definitely," you agreed. You could get used to it.

[kcrossvine-art]

hi friends! This recipe/review was delayed at first from- well it was a different recipe originally, technically bat tempura should be the next item but id like my first tasting experience of bat to be made by someone else who knows what bat should taste like. The recipe after bat tempura is living armor and id intended to use geoduck to mimic the scale. Living armor is interesting with dunmeshi as they used the suit of armor in 3 different ways; grilling, steaming, and souping.

Affording geoduck, a PNW delicacy, is a stretch for one dish, let alone 3. With my write-ups id like to offer a chance that readers will actually be able to make what we talk about. So I opted to use regular clams instead. I feel myself above the fire so we're still sticking with one dish, the dish that doesnt require a grill or a helmet-esque plating arrangement.

Today in our delicious dungeon, we're going to be making Living Armor Soup!

(As always you can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes into Living Armor Soup?” YOU MIGHT ASKThe ingredients used in the show didnt give much to work on, quoting "medicinal herb" and "special sauce".

1 lbs Mussels

Shallots

Garlic

Bay leaf

Curry powder

Chicken stock

Cream

Eggs

Its important to use cream as your dairy, the higher fat content gives you leeway with boiling and acidity to avoid curdling. Any cream should do. Still bring it to temp gently but rest assured in the moo moos protection. 

AND, “what does Living Armor Soup taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

A smoother, buttery-er cream of chicken soup

The mussel meat itself feels like a simplified version of chicken hearts- structurally and in taste

Its not bad. You could hard sell it to a picky eater 

Green onions would bring crispier top-notes much needed

And maybe building a roux base for the soup would fill out the low end?

I dont know what drinks would pair well with this. My heart wants to say red wine but im not a grape fan and cant get more specific than that

I think the hassle of procuring seafood is why when i ask my friends their opinions, the responses are middling to negative. You cant build a palate for it if you dont eat it enough. If i'd had fish stock i wouldve used that rather than chicken, while it doesnt turn the soup disgusting or make itself known much at all, awareness of its presence draws unfavorable comparisons to food I'd rather be eating. And eating for cheaper too (...besides the chicken hearts).

. Some mussels out of a bunch will inevitably be DOA, you wont be eating exactly a pound of them. This and waterweight are the nature of seafood. . Lay easy on the salt until the end before serving . If you have enough mussel stock left after straining, you might not need additional stock

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From deciding to cook to sitting and eating, the process took about an hour and a half. Not bad but not great, considering this dinner left me feeling full for all of about an hour after.

And the mussels were mostly usable/alive too! I discarded maybe 3 of the whole pound! Sure seafood can be light eating- youd think the dairy and vegetables would hulk it up more. The science of what makes food filling isnt entirely understood, as is most nutrition and gastro science, so i dont know what to blame. Stunning that 1lbs of mussels was not enough to keep a 110lbs person full for an hour.

If i were to make this again, i would serve it with fresh dinner rolls (or another carb). Breads and seafood are joined at the hip in my mind. You want more delicate tastes from your fish? I got just the thing. An entire family of food with varying flavors and textures that just so happen to all work pretty well with the third thing people eat often with seafood; butter.

I give this recipe a solid 4/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) It needs workshopping beyond being recognizable to the show.

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Ingredients:

1 lbs mussels, cleaned and de-bearded

Butter

3 shallots, finely diced

3 garlic cloves, crushed

2 bay leaf

Curry powder to taste

120g chicken stock

100g heavy cream

2 eggs

Method:

Wash your mussels. Remove any beards and barnacles. Discard any mussels with open shells.

Finely dice your shallots and garlic.

In a saucepan, brown your shallots and garlic in some butter over medium-low heat. Once softened add your stock, bay leaves, and curry powder to the saucepan. Increase the heat to medium.

Add your cleaned mussles to the saucepan, the liquid should cover them but if not add more stock. Bring to a boil, and then cover and reduce to a simmer.

Keep simmering until most/all of the mussel shells open. Discard any that still havent after about 6 minutes of simmering. Set aside the remaining mussels.

Pass the liquid in your saucepan through a strainer and return the liquid into the saucepan.

In a seperate bowl, combine the eggs and cream together. Carefully stir the egg/cream mixture into the saucepan until incorporated.

Remove the meat from the mussels, either discard or save some shells for garnishing.

Place the mussel meat on the bottom of serving bowls and pour the hot broth overtop, add your garnish (if any) and enjoy!

[mountainficss]

hi! who in svt would be more likely to be a camboy as a side gig/job? i feel like maybe seungkwan cause we all know he feels comfortable in front of the camera and is great at knowing what the public wants, or mingyu cause he loves showing himself off🤭 i initially thought about wonwoo cause he does gaming streams but he’s wayyyy to shy i feel like he would rather keep his intimate time private.

what do YOU think tho?

!! mentions of: exhibitionism, masturbation, nipple play, edging

hi there, my love! thank you so much for sending an ask :) that’s a great question! i honestly thought of wonwoo too (he’d be the most delicious camboy i swear), but i totally agree he’s way too shy.

i can absolutely envision seungkwan though! seungkwan is a literal charmer. that boy knows exactly what to say to bend people to his will and i love that about him. he seems to really enjoy being in front of people and showing off on camera too. just an exhibitionist overall. precious baby :) he’d love to set up his favorite camera when he’s home alone, adjusting it to the perfect angle so his viewers can see every inch of him. i think his favorite part of the entire camboy experience would be interacting with his viewers. he absolutely adores all the attention he gets from them, and reading through all the comments would make his cock throb even harder. would probably ask them questions just to read their reactions. “do you want me to go faster? would you like it if i edged myself? should i cum for you?” any time he speaks would send his viewers into a frenzy, and he’d eat up the attention in a heartbeat.

mingyu is also someone i can envision as a camboy! gosh have you seen that man? he’s literally the nation’s pretty boy. god body with a gorgeous face and beautiful smile. he’s just too perfect. and he knows he’s handsome too! he’s such a little show off. that’s why i think he’d be the perfect camboy <3 i can see him getting off on knowing people are admiring his body and face. he’d tease his viewers, stripping ever so slowly and showing off little inches of skin at a time. he’d like to keep his viewers on edge and wanting him. i think he’d adore that feeling of knowing he’s wanted, knowing that there are people drooling over him as they watch him from behind their screens. he’d be the absolute best at keeping people on their toes. wouldn’t have too fancy of a setup, would just prop his phone up somewhere and let the people flood in. during the entire session he’d have a little smirk on his face, head lolling and eyes rolling back in pleasure.

i feel like i have to add jeonghan to this list as well. you know how jeonghan is ugh. he’s such a little brat </3 always has that smug look on his face. i feel like jeonghan would be the type to be turned on if he knows he’s being watched. i think he’d like the excitement that comes from letting everyone see him in such a vulnerable state. he’d feel so exposed, but oh he’d love it. knowing that anyone and everyone that watches his videos can see him all horny and desperate would make him cum every time. just the thought of turning on his camera would give him a raging boner. and because people are watching him, that pretty boy would put on a show. moaning a little louder, dragging his fingers over his nipples to make his body jerk more often, edging himself close to tears. would also really like to roll his hips up into his fist with slow languid thrusts, showing his viewers how good he makes himself feel. would chuckle lightly at the needy comments, but never responds just to be a little meanie <3

and finally, i think jun would be a great camboy too! i’m not so sure what it is about jun, but i genuinely think he’d love being a camboy. he’s not as outgoing as other members, and he’s a bit quiet at times, but that wouldn’t stop him from putting on a show <3 i think he’d be a bit shy when he first starts out, maybe showing only up to his neck or mouth when he films. but once he gets into it? oh that boy is a menace. i think he’d really like to either film himself with his phone while he’s in bed, or turn on his webcam when his sits at his desk. some mornings he’d wake up throbbing and hard, and he wouldn’t hesitate to use that opportunity to reach for his phone and start recording. he’d love the lazy morning masturbation sessions, letting out gentle moans and whimpers as he stares at the screen with hooded eyes. looking through all of his dirty comments and good morning messages would bring him to his climax so quick, and that would be his favorite way to start his day.

taglist: @jeonghanpill , @bangantokchy , @caratboy , @bewoyewo , @luvseungcheol , @wonvsmile , @haolovre , @aaniag , @writingbarnes , @dokyeomkyeom , @allieyaaa

[tsukimara]

𝙵𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎𔘓

➸ A silent voice / Koe no katachi AU

➸ « Text » = Writing || ❝ Text ❞ = Sign language

➸ Art: ONLYTRUEPAIN (On Twitter/X)

➸ Warnings: suicidal thoughts, anxiety, overthinking (?), mentioned bullying, cursing.

➸ 𐙚PREVIOUS ||𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒|| NEXT 𖹭 — Masterlist

➸ Chapter 4

Rumors were something Scaramouche hated, most of them were lies, unfortunately this time the rumors were about him and they were true. People asked if it was really because of him that the girl transferred to another school, and he always replied monotonously that it was true. People looked at him with disgust as he passed them in the corridor, he could feel their eyes everywhere but of course he tried to ignore it. His behavior left him alone, without friends or anyone, he would be lying if he said it didn't bother him, he was always somewhere with his friends or talking to them.

Scaramouche or rather now Wanderer (You can name him now whatever you called him!) changed completely, of course he was still not nice but his behavior became more calm than before. In high school he still didn't talk to anyone, no one has forgotten what he used to be like, they preferred to stay away from him.

“Could you bring me the line powder, Scaramouche?” — Wanderer hated that name, it reminded him of a past he would like to forget, but he sighed and nodded.

"Okay, nevermind. I will do it myself." — Of course, no one wants him here, he foolishly thought that he could be useful for something. He didn't know where it came from, but every time someone talks to him, he feels like his mind is trying to twist all the words. He couldn't stop thinking negatively, if someone spoke nicely about him, he always claimed that they were lying and just trying to irritate him.

“Why are you always alone, Scaramouche?” “What a lonely weirdo.”

“Do you have any hobbies, Scaramouche?” “Leave me alone, you think you're great but you really aren't.”

“Finally, the next part of my favorite book is out!”

"Really? Have you bought it yet?”

“Do you think the teacher will notice if we're gone?”

"Certainly not!"

“Why is he looking at us like that?”

“Why are you surprised? He's probably jealous that someone has friends."

“He's so annoying.”

“He still looks pissed.”

“I hope that when we finish this school, we won't see him again.”

SHUT UP!

Wanderer felt like his ears were about to burst, the noise and buzz wouldn't stop so he covered his ears with his hands to stabilize it at least a little. His thoughts kept wandering around his head, he wanted it all to stop, unfortunately it wasn't that easy. Why did HE have to be nice to everyone? HE should hate them all. It disgusts him when he hears these idiots talking about dating, it makes him feel sick.

“That weird old guy was talking to me today.”

“He was flirting with you.”

"No way!" Nobody cares, just shut up, nobody wants to hear it, especially him.

“I hate those gropers on trains.”

“What, again?” Same with you, you try to be funny and all you do is make fools of yourself that no one even laughs at. It's not funny.

Everyone there pretends that they are so smart because they read books, they pretend that they are busy but actually they do nothing, they pretend that they are healthy but they are not. They pretend to be honest but they lie whenever something doesn't go their way and make themselves look innocent.

He hates them all. He hates all the things they like. He hates them. He hates them. He hates them.

When the noise and buzz finally stopped, he rested his head tiredly on his hand, staring blankly at the notebook in front of him. Because of this thinking, Wanderer hates himself most of all, he hates his life. He decided to isolate himself from everyone else, he didn't want to be lonely but he didn't want to be betrayed again, loneliness couldn't hurt him like that.

In middle school, he went to Nagoya alone for the first time, it was quite a nice memory even though he was very nervous because he was far from his home. He was very happy then because he bought the limited edition and it was also the moment when he decided to buy a book that teaches sign language. What tempted him? He doesn't really know but he probably wanted to learn for you.

Wanderer also remembers how his classmates said how much they wanted the limited edition and upon hearing this he thought that maybe this would make them friends again. Unfortunately, when they heard this, they started saying that that they will stop listening to them, so he stopped too.

That day he felt like something had broken inside him, sometimes you can't achieve everything even if you try hard, it's not always worth trying. Everyone knew what they wanted to do in the future, except him, he didn't see his future anywhere, he didn't know what to do with himself. He's going to die anyway, right? Everyone is going to die, so why not end it sooner?

Wanderer was in his room, tearing off half of his calendar, the calendar remained April and only days from 1 to 15, and it was already the 9th day, i.e. Wednesday. He stared blankly at the calendar he had hung up again, a few more days and everything would be over. Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted by a phone call, he sighed slightly annoyed but answered it anyway.

"Good morning, are you the boy who was looking for that girl?"

"Yes, it's me."

"She comes on Tuesdays, stop by around five and you should find her there." — When the lady hung up, he felt a lump stuck in his throat, he knew he had to do it, or rather wanted to do it. He had to apologize to you for everything he did to you, it won't be easy for him to admit it but you deserve an apology, first he has to quit his job.

"What? You're quitting?"

"Yes."

It had been two days since he quit his job and got his paycheck. He also sold everything he could in his room, furniture and more, for which he received ¥30,000 (Around $250). He took envelopes from the drawer containing money that he received from other people on various occasions, such as the New Year and he also cancelled his contract.

He wrapped up all the money he collected and wrote "Here's the money I owe you." He quietly entered his mother's room, who was still sleeping in her warm bed, and placed the money next to her. He sighed quietly as his thoughts consumed him, he didn't want her to have a son like him, he could be better for her. He felt his cat rub against his leg which made him smile a little, he reached down and stroked his furry friend one last time as he left the house.

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

Wanderer felt his muscles tense as he looked at the building you were most likely in. So he saw your face again? To be honest, he thought he would apologize to you in a few years, but he doesn't have that much time. He entered the building hesitantly, which was quite crowded, he couldn't back out now, not when he was already so close.

Suddenly, he felt like time stopped when he saw you out of the corner of his eye as you walked past him without noticing him. He has never felt as scared as he does now, what will you say when you meet him? Will you slap him out of anger or will he make you cry? He didn't want any of these things to happen even though he knew he deserved it and he wouldn't be offended if you slapped him, after all he deserved it. He quickly shook his head as he realized he was lost in thought, so he quickly ran up behind you and grabbed your sleeve gently.

"[Y/N]!"

He tensed as you looked at him, slightly shocked. He wanted to speak, but his words stuck in his throat. He wanted your forgiveness for what he did to you long ago. He is so sorry for the way he used to be. The silence was uncomfortable, he couldn't bring himself to meet your eyes, he squeezed his fist trying to force himself to say something.

Suddenly you ran away from him, which surprised him, he couldn't leave, not yet, so he quickly ran after you, shouting your name, completely forgetting that you couldn't hear. He was still running after you, he couldn't miss this opportunity, he knows that later he won't have the same chance as now. While turning a corner, he accidentally bumped into someone, causing him to fall, and the person quickly apologized and left.

Stupid people can't watch how they walk, because of this person he will definitely not find you now. Although he understands why you ran away. Well... why wouldn't you? After all the shitty way he treated you... He was prepared for how you might react, no matter how, he still wanted to apologize to you. It looked like he wouldn't get another chance, and he had plenty of them when you guys were younger.

Once

Twice

In fact, he could have apologized to you every time he saw you, but he gave up on all of them. After a while, he felt someone's presence in front of him, so he slowly opened his eyes and saw you. You crouched down and took his hand, making him flinch slightly, not expecting it. He looked at you confused, but after a moment he realized that you were writing on his hand, first w, then h, and finally y.

Why?

What did you mean? Why is he here? Or maybe why he was bullying you in the past?

He felt you pull him lightly to help him stand up, he didn't know why but when he felt your hand connect with his, he never wanted to let you go. He shook himself from his thoughts as he stood up with some help from you. He felt your eyes on him so he quickly handed you your old notebook, it was slightly worn and dirty.

❝ Your notebook.❞ — He signed, you couldn't believe what you saw, he knew sign language? He looked at you confused, why were you so surprised? Did he do something wrong again?

❝ You know sign language? Why?❞ — His cheeks flushed slightly as you pointed it out. How was he supposed to tell you that he started learning sign language just for you?

❝ I studied it to tell you everything, I- ❞ — He suddenly stopped signing when he noticed you looking through your old notebook, he couldn't tell what you were feeling right now but it probably wasn't easy. He frowned as unpleasant memories began to run through his head. How he behaved as a child, how he was rude to you and made fun of you.

« I'm sorry. »

Scaramouche looked at the words in surprise. You apologized? Again? Scaramouche roughly took your notebook from you, which scared you a little. For a moment you just looked at each other.

"Doesn't this piss you off?! C'mon say something!"

…

"What's your problem?!" — Heizou noticed the small blush on Scaramouche's cheeks and started to laugh quietly at him but got a sharp look from Scaramouche to shut up. He looked at you again and then you saw him take your notebook and throw it into the water nearby.

…

"Scara, was it really necessary-" — Scaramouche interrupted Kazuha — "Let's just go."

…

«My name is [ Last Name ] [ First Name ]. It is nice to meet you.» — This made everyone look at each other in confusion, Scara rested his chin on his hand as he read — «I would like to get to know everyone through this notebook.»

It is not enough. He hasn't done enough to be able to take his own life now. It's still not enough. He can't. Not yet.

"Wait... Stop." — Wanderer tried to take the notebook from you, but his eyes widened when he noticed tears in your eyes that were threatening to fall. He can't give up now, he has to tell you everything.

❝ Forget what I said. The truth is that I came here for myself... I'm sorry that I was so hopeless to you, that I treated you like garbage. I was a terrible kid who couldn't control his emotions. I hate myself for what I did to you, I never think about others only about myself, I'm selfish. We only communicated through fighting, if I could, I would change it. I hoped that I would change, unfortunately the only thing that changed was my name but now I want to fix it, I want to try to understand your world. I want to understand what you feel, I want to understand your voice, I just want to understand you.❞ — He couldn't believe he had said or rather signed all that, he felt like someone else had taken over his body singing all that. He never apologized to anyone. Now there is one thing left, probably the most difficult.

❝ [Y/N]...❞

❝ Could you...❞ — He pointed at you.

❝...And me...❞ — And he pointed himself.

❝...Be friends ? ❞ — He put his hands together and shook them lightly.

It was the same gesture, or rather sign language, that you showed him when you were younger, Wanderer didn't know what it meant so he didn't think that you wanted to be friends with him. But now he knew, and he felt stupid when he remembered that you showed the exact same thing. When he finally looked at you, he saw you looking at him over your notebook, your eyebrows furrowed.

Fuck, why did he even offer this to you?! After all, his only goal was to come to apologize to you and finally leave this hopeless world. He mentally slapped himself and started to think of an excuse, but before he could do so, he suddenly felt your warm hand on his. He heard people whispering behind you how sweet and in love you were together. In his mind, Wanderer was already planning their deaths, but after a while he remembered that you were still holding his hand. What was he supposed to do now?!

You're not making it easy for him, are you?

➸ 𐙚PREVIOUS ||𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒|| NEXT 𖹭 — Masterlist

➸ Any ideas for a name for the Scaramouche cat? ≽^•༚•ྀི≼

➸ Ignore how much I change my perspective, I don't know if I write better when I write "her" or "you"

➸ Maybe I'll start drawing for this series

➸ Anyways, I wanted to thank you guys very much for reading this!!! If you have any questions, I'm always happy to answer!!

(⁠つ⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)⁠つ TAGLIST — @leafyaa , @luvkvni , @sayakaskokofish , @sketcheeee , @featuredtofu , @fallenisded , @skyvella , @mimiemie , @enjisthings , @xxrexx , @ylapsha45 , @shonoko-en , @blacky-rose , @0kauy , @vernith , @riinstar , @sl-vega , @kuki-corrosion , @himariilove , @vxcmx , @scaraenthusiast ,

Red = I can't tag you

[wickjump]

okay so i’m not much a fan of there being other dreams and nightmares out there in the mv for whatever reason. but like.

it’s rare for aus to just have one version like dreamtale seems to. and i get its nim being from another world yadda yadda but what if. what if there are multiple dreamtales out there, with “routes” like other aus. the negative route being where nightmare eats the apple, and the positive one being where he doesn’t.

and in the negative route, nightmare is supposed to remain in dreamtale. he’s not supposed to leave, rather rule over the land and be alone, either with dream killing him or dying after 500 years. but neither of them are supposed to leave. but in the dreamtale we know in love, there was a flaw. similar to error, similar to ink, similar to core or fatal error. and nightmare managed to escape, as did eventually dream.

this would also mean that there are positive routes to dreamtale where dream and nightmare live happily. because they’re too positive, nightmare doesn’t go to them. and dream didn’t realize they existed. but imagine being dream, and finding a world like your own, a world that is your own. one you didn’t think existed, you thought you were the only one. and in this world, you’re happy, your brother is alive, he’s happy. or maybe finding your world before the apple incident, and you know this is a bad route. but you know just as much that the one you’re working with (ink) would not be happy with you changing the script.

would he break that rule and hope ink didn’t notice? would he sit and watch, because his memory was so blurry at the time, thinking about what he could’ve done different? would he go to a timeline far back enough that there was no worries, to reminisce on the time he and his brother were kids, yet between the smiles he can notice the bruises he didn’t when he was a young child, and he starts to feel sick to his stomach, because he should have known, and now he can’t do anything about it.

if we go a more fanon route, where nightmare isn’t satan incarnate and is passive except darker morally, how would he react? how would he feel, knowing that there was an easier route to this, where he could’ve stayed happy, that he didn’t need to do what he did. would he regret it? or if corrupted and passive are separate entities, and passive is just a ghost following him around, would he go to other dreamtales per passive’s request?

he gets the mtt treatment whenever they visit a pacifist classic timeline lmfao

[beenbaanbuun]

panic w/ jeong yunho

(this isn’t proof read because i wrote it at like 5am…)

——————————————————————————

yunho’s hand lands on your knee, warm and study and exactly what you need to ground yourself. your eyes focus on it; your body does too. you need this, you tell yourself, you need it to settle your mind and you need it to settle your heart. neither of them are going at the pace at which they should.

“you okay?” he murmurs under his breath, not looking at you or seemingly paying that much attention to you at all. you’re grateful in a way; attention is the last thing you need right now, especially from yunho. one worried look from him might be the breaking point, setting you off on a downward spiral that would certainly take a lot more than a hand rested gently upon a knee to fix.

you can’t help but shuffle closer to him, the hot metal of the park bench burning your thighs through your jeans. that too helps ground you, but not in the gentle way yunho does. it brings you back down the earth rather too sharply, making you suck in a wince. suddenly you’re no longer unpleasantly floating up in space, but instead you’re here, present and absolutely, indisputably not good.

“no,” you admit as your heart rate picks up once more, the panic of everything setting in. the burning in your thighs came to a stop almost immediately, but that doesn’t mean that everything still isn’t bad. it is. it’s so very bad. “yunho, i—” you cut yourself off with a heaving sob, one that you hadn’t anticipated for even a second. you hadn’t been crying mere seconds ago, but right now you can feel the fiery tears that run down your face like magma, carving a path against your skin.

it’s bad. everything is bad.

well, maybe not everything. yunho’s hand is still on your thigh, unmoving as your emotions take over your body like waves in a storm. it’s like the eye of the storm, providing you with a quick break from the overwhelming barrage of emotions that threaten to make your flood defences fall. all you have to do is focus on that sturdy warmth and that’s it; everything is quiet for just a second.

“what do you need?” he said, eyes still focused on the duck pond before you. “tell me, honey; i want to help you.”

and you want him to help! you want it so bad that it hurts your chest to even think about that hand slipping away from your thigh. the only issue is you don’t know how he can help. you barely have a moment to piece together a single coherent thought, let alone figure something like that out. what do you need, you ask yourself. other than yunho’s hand, what exactly is it that you need…

you think about the hand and what it gives you—warmth, stability, comfort—and you think about the way it makes you feel. you want that feeling in swathes, that safety and peace that fills your mind for a fleeting second every time you bring your attention back to that hand. you want it everywhere. the warmth that feels like summer rays breaking through the clouds of the storm, the stability of the harbour walls tethering the boats to safety, the comfort of knowing that the end of the storm is near.

it twigs in your brain.

“you,” is the only word you can muster before a new wave of tears washes over you. they fall like raindrops onto your hands curled up on your lap, the slow dripping only adding the the already long list of everything that is pushing you closer and closer to the edge of that spiral. you can only hope yunho can somehow understand your cryptics as you let out sob after sob.

“me?” he whispers to himself, questioning your words, “you want me? baby, you have me, what do you—” he looks down at his hand, the single anchor tethering you to port. without it you’d be adrift, and he knows you well enough to know that. oh, he can’t help but smile, you want him. “you want to come into my lap? because it’s open for you, baby. it’s always open for you,” and perhaps you already know that, but perhaps in your frenzied state you just need the reminder.

you’re barely able to nod before yunho’s other hand is on you, finding your waist almost immediately. the hand from your knee slides up your thigh so as not to take away that contact you’d grown so used to. you can’t help but be grateful at how thoughtful he is, kind to the very centre of his soul. that hand also comes to a stop at your waist.

you don’t even blink an eye as he tugs at your shaking body, manoeuvring you until you’re on his lap, thighs against thighs, spine pressing against chest. the hands snake themselves around your waist, coming to a halt once his arms are firmly locking you in place. he gives you a squeeze, reassuring you that he’s there. you give him a soft hum in response, not quite words, but still not silence. he takes it graciously, tucking his head into your shoulder and placing a kiss upon your sweaty skin.

“you have me, baby,” he murmurs as you finally set your sights on the end of this. your heart settles itself on that single piece of blue sky in the distance, and you let yourself relax into yunho’s body knowing that this will all be a thing of the past soon enough.

[alittlebitofloveliness]

you should absolutely write the genderbent outsiders fic, it would be so interesting to see how many things get changed. often people genderbend one person and just turn them into someone everyone's attracted to rather than looking at character, or they do change everyone but it's still all surface level changes but from what i've seen you seem like you'd do something really interesting with it

(no pressure obviously but it's a really cool idea especially with the attitudes of the outsiders (how would the scene where they meet cherry and marcia play out for example?))

HI! Ok so I do love this idea but I dont have time to wrote a full fic with the nuance it deserves but I did write out two little scenes for it so I'll post them here! One is lifted almost directly from the book its just the genderben take on it :)

“Speaking of movies,” Dalia flicked away her cigarette butt, “I’m thinking of walkin’ over to the nightly double tomorrow night. Might find someone to fool around with. Anyone wanna come?”

Stella shook her head. “The boys are takin’ me and Soda to the game.”

She didn’t need to look at me the way she did then. I wasn’t gonna try and stick around or nothing. I liked Soda’s boy, James, well enough and sometimes they’d offer me and Dar to go with them when they went to do stuff, but I wasn’t gonna try and third wheel. I’d never admit it, because Soda really likes Stella a lot, but sometimes I hate her. She doesn’t need to be half so possessive as she is over everything all the time- and Soda is my sister.

Darlene sighed, just like I knew she would. Darlene never had time to do anything with us anymore. “I have a date tomorrow night.”

She sounded less than enthused at the prospect, and Soda and I shared a look. Ever since mom and dad died, Darlene had spent nearly every night she wasn’t working going on various dates, with each guy seemingly worse than the last- and much as she tried to hide it, it wasn’t hard for Soda and me to guess why. It kind of killed me that my once vivacious sister, who’d always been so fiercely independent, was throwing herself at every mediocre guy who looked her way trying to find someone to provide for her, for us. On her own, Darlene would never consider marriage, at twenty no less, but now she had Soda to support for another year and me for another four and we all knew her two jobs were barely covering bills already. Sometimes the guilt of it, what Dar had already given up and what she was further prepared to lose made me so guilty and sad I couldn’t stand it. I knew Soda felt the same way.

Dalia just rolled her eyes. She only went on dates when it suited her, and only to cause trouble. She didn’t get Dar’s obsession with finding a good man- or if she did, she clearly didn’t respect it. 

“What about the rest of y’all? Two-bit? Jennygirl? You an’ Pony wanna come?”

“Me’n Jenny’ll come,” I knew Jenny wouldn’t open her mouth unless she was forced to, “Okay Dar?”

***************

“You make sure she gets her ass straight home, Soda,” Darlene says, “I mean it.”

I roll my eyes and she fixes me with an icy glare.

“Don’t get huffy with me, Ponygirl. You’re lucky you ain’t grounded. You know better than to be goin’ to the movie house alone.”

“But-”

“No buts,” she fixes me with a stern glare. If it weren't for how cold her eyes are she could be real pretty with her tumble of smoky curls and delicate nose. Now though, she just looks mean, like Tamina Shepard or one of the other girls who date the gang leaders round town, “you ain’t a boy Pony, you gotta quit goin’ around actin’ like one.”

[lucky-clover-gazette]

prince's gambit highlights & annotations

chapter 21 & final notes

warning: VERY LONG

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

He had been taken from his suite to a smaller cell and laid out on stone, his body covered by fine linen. Nineteen, thought Damen, and quiet.

the ‘and quiet’ is especially heartbreaking

When a servant had made to enter, Damen had bodily stopped him. ‘No,’ he said. ‘No one goes in.’ He had put a two-man guard on the door with those same orders, and cleared out the section—as he had done once before, at the tower. When he had been certain that Laurent had sufficient privacy, he had left to learn all he could about Charcy.

lamen hr complaint #3: preventing other people (servants) from doing their jobs.

also, i like how this again builds on what we’ve seen in previous chapters. damen knows laurent needs time alone to process and think, and he fights to give him that. and then he tries to do some helpful thinking of his own.

‘I’m not Aimeric.’

you tell him damen

‘You ever wonder what it would feel like to find out you’d spread for your brother’s killer?’ Jord looked around the small room. He looked at the place where Aimeric lay. ‘I think it would feel like this.’ Unbidden, remembered words rose up inside him. I don’t care. You’re still my slave tonight. Damen pressed his eyes closed. ‘I wasn’t Damianos last night. I was just—’

it’s all coming together!! all the things i’ve been analyzing!!

also jord seriously laurent is doing this emotional damage to himself, damen’s just along for the ride

‘Just a man?’ said Jord. ‘You think Aimeric thought that? That there were two of him? Because there weren’t. There was only ever one, and look what happened to him.’

but… i think he was conflicted, and felt split. hence the “i’m sorry jord” and killing himself. and “what happened to him” implies a passivity that is patently false. aimeric was more like damen and laurent, psychologically, than jord. who is—sorry jord—honestly just too simple to be dealing with these ridiculous people

He had put those soldiers on the door to bar the way to those men seeking Laurent out for some trivial matter, or for any matter, because when Laurent wanted to be alone, no one should suffer the consequences of interrupting him. The taller soldier addressed him. ‘Commander, no one has entered in your absence.’ Damen’s eyes passed over the doors again. ‘Good,’ he said. And he pushed the doors open.

i LOVE this moment. the subtle humor of it—“when he wants to be alone, nobody should suffer his wrath” to “i’m going in,” because damen knows he can handle laurent’s bitching and that he shouldn’t be alone for too long

...even the table was replenished, with platters of fruit and pitchers of water and of wine...

guy whose job it is to communicate with the fort’s kitchen: yeah uh, can i get a ‘sorry you were disowned, usurped, gifted a severed human head, and then like five minutes later you discovered a suicide’ fruit basket for the prince

‘Come to say goodbye?’ said Laurent.

no you fucking idiot. let yourself be loved.

‘I’m sorry. I know what Nicaise meant to you.’ ‘He was my uncle’s whore,’ said Laurent. ‘He was more than that. You thought of him as—’ ‘A brother?’ said Laurent. ‘But I do not have terribly good luck with those. I hope you are not here for a mawkish display of sentiment. I will throw you out.’

laurent is trying so hard to take back control from this person who so recently saw him in such an intimate context. refusing to believe that he could continue to show damen vulnerability, and it would make him stronger

‘Then you’ll kill them like you killed Nicaise,’ said Damen. ‘By dragging them into this endless, childish bid of yours for your uncle’s attention that you call a fight.’ ‘Get out,’ said Laurent. He had gone white. ‘Is the truth hard to hear?’ ‘I said get out.’ ‘Or do you claim you’re marching to Charcy for some other reason?’

damen calling him on his bullshit! yes!! i love the tenderness between them here, in the pain and the compassion. tenderness is both. they can’t love each other without hurting each other (because lies), they can’t hurt each other without loving each other. there is some twisted romance in understanding someone and being understood so thoroughly that you have the keys to loving and hurting each other in ways no one else can. it’s a very compelling and intimate dynamic, although i am glad that they eventually figure out how to love each other without causing each other pain.

‘You need to beat him at his own game? You want him to see you do it? At the expense of your position and the lives of your men? Are you that desperate for his attention?’ He let his eyes rake up and down Laurent’s form. ‘Well, you have it. Congratulations. You must have loved it that he was obsessed enough with you that he killed his own boy to get at you. You win.’ Laurent took a step back, an almost-swaying motion of a man in the grip of nausea. He stared at Damen, his face hollowed. ‘You don’t know anything,’ Laurent said then, in a cold, terrible voice. ‘You don’t know anything about me. Or my uncle. You’re so blind. You can’t see what’s—right in front of you.’

okay damen you’re completely off-base with that one, but at least your worst-case selection on the dialogue tree has shocked laurent into being more angry at you than at the regent. which, if that was the point… well-played, but also Watch Out

Laurent’s sudden laugh was low and mocking. ‘You want me? You’re my slave?’ He felt himself flush. ‘That’s not going to work.’

and just as expected (?) laurent turns his wrath on a new target. performing cruelty, like he always does when he’s been justifiably called out

‘You want to hear the truth about my uncle? I’ll tell you,’ said Laurent, a new light in his eyes. ‘I’ll tell you what you couldn’t stop. What you were too blind to see. You were in chains while Kastor was cutting down your royal family. Kastor and my uncle.’ He heard it, and he knew not to engage. He knew, and a part of him was aching at what Laurent was doing, even as he heard himself say, ‘What does your uncle have to do with—’

so damen is subjecting himself to this on purpose. they are so messy. but it’s going to work

‘You didn’t guess it was Kastor? You poor dumb brute. Kastor killed the King, then took the city with my uncle’s troops. And all my uncle had to do was to sit back and watch it happen.’ He thought of his father, in a sick bed ringed with physicians, his eyes and cheeks hollowed out, and the room thick with the smell of tallow and of death. He remembered his sense of powerlessness, watching his father slip away, and Kastor, so solicitous, kneeling by his father’s side. ‘Did you know about this?’ ‘Know?’ said Laurent. ‘Everyone knows. I was glad. I just wish I could have seen it happen. I wish I could have seen Damianos when Kastor’s hire-swords came for him. I would have laughed in his face. His father got exactly what he deserved, to die like the animal he was, and there was nothing any of them could do to stop it happening. Then again,’ said Laurent, ‘maybe if Theomedes had kept his cock in his wife instead of sticking it in his mistress—’ That was the last thing he said, because Damen hit him. He drove his fist into Laurent’s jaw with all the force of his weight behind it. Knuckles impacted on flesh and bone and Laurent’s head snapped sideways even as he hit the table behind him hard, sending its contents scattering. Metallic platters crashed against tile, a mess of spilt wine and strewn food. Laurent clutched the table with the arm that he’d flung out instinctively to stop his fall.

a couple things to note here:

goddamn laurent. dude.

but at least he remembered to keep up the lie in his uncontrolled spite-filled monologue

veretian heterophobia/anti-bastardry on full display

not the fruit plate…

my ex wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better

Damen was breathing hard, his hands clenched into fists. How dare you talk that way about my father. The words were on his lips. His mind pulsed and throbbed.

hey damen, remember a few chapters ago when you were thinking about how you didn’t want to be like your father? not that kind of king? interesting

Laurent pushed himself up and gave Damen a look glittering with triumph, even as he dragged the back of his right hand across his mouth, where his lips were smeared with blood.

he’s insane. amazing character. 10/10

The doors behind him opened, and Damen knew without turning around that the sound had summoned the soldiers into the room. He didn’t take his eyes off Laurent. ‘Arrest me,’ said Damen. ‘I have raised hands to the Prince.’ The soldiers hesitated. It was the just response to his actions but he was—or had been—their Captain. He had to say again, ‘Do it.’ The darker-haired soldier stepped forward and Damen felt the grip take him. Laurent set his jaw. ‘No,’ said Laurent. And then, ‘It was provoked.’ Another hesitation. It was clear that the two soldiers did not know what to make of what they had walked into. The air of violence was heavy in the room, where their Prince stood in front of a ruined table, with blood welling from his lip. ‘I said let him go.’ It was a direct order from their Prince, and this time it was obeyed.

LAMEN HR COMPLAINT #4. UNNAMED SOLDIERS. i don’t even know how to label this one. but it definitely justifies a complaint. one of my favorite lamen hr complaints in the entire series

‘No,’ he said. ‘You can’t go to Charcy. I need to convince you of that.’ Laurent’s laugh was a strange, breathless sound. ‘Didn’t you hear anything that I just said to you?’ ‘Yes,’ said Damen. ‘You tried to hurt me, and you have. I wish you would see that what you have just done to me is what your uncle is doing to you.’ He saw Laurent receive that like a man at the very ends of his endurance being given another hit. ‘Why,’ said Laurent, ‘do you—do you always—’ He stopped himself. The rise and fall of his chest was shallow.

laurent at his weakest and most vulnerable makes my heart ACHE

‘I can’t.’ It was a raw admission. ‘I can’t think.’ The words were torn out of him. Wide-eyed in the silence, Laurent said them again in a different voice, his blue eyes dark with the exposure of the truth. ‘I can’t think.’ ‘I know,’ said Damen. He said it softly. There was more than one admission in Laurent’s words. He knew that too.

this made me tear up the first time i read it. laurent’s reaction here comes scarily close to some personal stuff for me, except i didn’t have anyone to say “i know” and comfort me. i’m glad laurent isn’t alone. it’s a little self-indulgent to imagine that someone could be loved like this in real life, but at least it happens on the page. and it took a real person to write it happening on the page—it didn’t just show up there on its own. that matters, and it’s part of why i find gratification in engaging intellectually and emotionally with fiction.

‘Don’t go,’ said Laurent, quietly. ‘I’m just clearing my head. I already told my escort I wouldn’t need them until morning,’ said Damen. And there was another awful silence, as Damen realised what Laurent was asking him. ‘No. I don’t mean—forever—just—’ Laurent broke off. ‘Three days.’ Laurent said it as though producing from the depths the answer to a painstakingly weighed question. ‘I can do this alone. I know I can. It’s only that right now I can’t seem to . . . think, and I can’t . . . trust anyone else to stand up to me when I’m . . . like this. If you could give me three days, I—’ He forcibly cut himself off. ‘I’ll stay,’ said Damen. ‘You know I’ll stay for as long as you—’ ‘Don’t,’ said Laurent. ‘Don’t lie to me. Not you.’ ‘I’ll stay,’ said Damen. ‘Three days. After that, I ride south.’

laurent not wanting damen to promise anything more than three days is so painful to read, but it also rings true. laurent knows he couldn’t stand to see that promise broken (“not you”), and he also knows that he can’t keep his lie from damen forever. laurent probably even thinks, despite everything between them, that damen might not even want him after he figures it out. but he needs him here now, in order to survive this and clear his head. so three more days.

damen agreeing to ride south in three days is a mercy, and i think also probably a lie. but he knows it’s what laurent wants and needs to hear, and that laurent is incredibly vulnerable at the moment. damen gives him what he (laurent) thinks he needs (damen leaving), while also giving him what he actually needs (damen staying), for three days at least.

Laurent nodded. After a moment, Damen came back to rest against the table beside Laurent. He watched Laurent find his way back to himself. Eventually, Laurent began to talk, the words precise and quite steady. ‘You’re right. I killed Nicaise when I left it half done. I should have either stayed away from him, or broken his faith in my uncle. I didn’t plan it out, I left it to chance. I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t thinking about him like that. I just . . . I just liked him.’ Underneath the cold, analytical words, there was also something bewildered.

really good depiction of someone coming back from a panic attack/breakdown. again, it hits. the “coming back to himself,” the way he slides back into steady precise assessment of the situation… yeah

It was awful. ‘I should never have—said that. Nicaise made a choice. He spoke up for you because you were his friend, and that is not something you should regret.’

oh this whole thing kind of foreshadows how laurent sacrifices himself for damen in book 3, huh? he does the exact opposite of what damen is telling him here, except instead of nicaise making a choice it's damen. damen makes the choice to care about laurent, over and over again, and laurent can’t regret that FOR him. laurent shouldn’t feel like he needs to free damen of his burden of caring, or protect damen from the consequences of his own attachment. but laurent is going to try to do exactly that, in book 3, especially with his “failure” of nicaise in mind. and he’s kind of doing it now, too, by insisting that damen can’t stay with him after charcy.

laurent shows love by caring for others in the ways he knows how to care for himself. it’s a silly parallel to make, but it’s like how he brought damen a towel after the sex scene, even though damen didn’t have the urge to be clean that laurent so pressingly experienced. laurent knows how to suffer alone and how to strategically use his abilities to survive. he channels this experience to serve the people and causes he loves, even if the gesture is misunderstood or it's done at his own expense.

back to book 3: damen attacks the regent in laurent's honor. laurent submits himself to the regent's retaliation in his place. not only because he loves damen and wants to protect him, but also because he blames himself for getting damen into the situation at all. because he allowed himself to be loved by damen, damen was in danger. laurent regrets that on damen's behalf and tries to suffer the consequences instead. something he hadn't thought to do, or been able to do, for nicaise.

laurent does have a bleeding heart—so much so, that he can’t possibly wear it on his sleeve. he believes that he can't help anyone, can't maintain precious stability, if he has made himself vulnerable to love and harm alike. what he does best is survive, use others, and allow himself to be used. his hypervigilance ensures that this is all under his own careful control, even when it appears otherwise. because when laurent loses control, he gets hurt and hurts others. see the regent taking advantage of him after auguste's death for an example of the former, and aimeric's suicide for an example of the latter.

laurent has a private and complicated code of ethics and honor, based on compassion for the disempowered and a thirst for justice. his apparent ruthless pragmatism is part performance, part necessary adaptation, and part realistic means of reaching those idealistic ends. as a disempowered victim of repeated injustices, he is sensitive in a way a person with different experiences might not be. sometimes that means he lashes out, like with aimeric. but in his best moments, it means that he fights and cares with unmatched fierceness. and with someone like damen at his side, and an eventual peaceful life in which he can reflect, laurent can grow to harness that passion without hurting others or himself in the process.

(my note-taking drifted away from text analysis here, and turned into a more personal meditation on real life and fiction. honestly i'd recommend revisiting the original quote to remember what the hell i'm even talking about. please skip to the next quote if you're not interested.)

i don't know if people like damen really exist, or if people like damen even should exist. after all, he puts up with a lot, way more than would be considered healthy or safe by modern standards or even canon standards. maybe damen's existence as a character is purely wish fulfillment for people who relate to laurent. it's probably unreasonable to expect to be loved by someone so patient and devoted. the reality is, while the kernels of what make this ship resonant and desirable may be found in a real relationship, no real relationship will be quite as resonant or desirable as an intentionally-written work of fiction.

the following sentiment is the most personal i intend to get in these notes. it's not super related to the book and it isn't necessarily relevant to anyone but me. but it does create a smoother transition to the next paragraph, so i'll keep it in.

i haven’t had the privilege of experiencing romantic love that hasn’t hurt. and while love and hurt come hand-in-hand, i have historically been offered very little comfort or consideration by people i have trusted with the most vulnerable parts of myself. which means that i am very well-practiced in caring for myself, alone.

i don't know if damens are real, and i don't want to count on it. i'll care for me instead, because i believe that i'm worth caring for.

i think that firm belief, that i am worth caring for, has a lot to do with the way i interact with stories. that's the reason why i find analyzing resonant fiction like capri so personally gratifying. even though the characters aren't real, the fact that their stories have been told at all makes me feel less alone. because someone had to care enough about it, about them, to bother to write it all down. real stories have this effect too, if resonant—history or poetry or memoir, the same principle still applies.

through analyzing the stories that i care so deeply about, i am tricked into believing that i owe myself the same compassion and consideration that i show the people within them. because if i relate to a character, and i want them to be happy and loved, then that must mean that i want me to be happy and loved too. and beyond projection, i get to learn things about people who aren't like me at all, and countless worlds outside my own. in that respect, thinking about stories helps me strengthen my own moral code and widen my perspective. and honestly, more than anything else, it just feels good to do something with it all.

... which is why i am doing this, for free, for hours, for fun.

‘He spoke up for me because he didn’t think my uncle would hurt him. None of them do. They think he loves them. It has the outward semblance of love. At first. But it isn’t love. It’s . . . fetish. It doesn’t outlast adolescence. The boys themselves are disposable.’

something something, akielion slavery. keeping people in a permanent state of arrested development, stripping them of their ability to advocate for themselves like adults, making them into interchangeable objects who unconditionally love their position and trust their masters. but it isn’t love, nor is it fetish—it’s grooming, and it's evil. just like the regent, with every single one of his victims.

laurent knows damn well that it's far worse than just fetish. he knows it for the slaves and for the regent's young victims. but he can't verbalize it here, because that would mean admitting (privately, implied) that evil has been done to himself as well.

i don’t think laurent views himself as innocent in the same way he viewed nicaise, or the other victims, or the akielion slaves. his desire for justice is not on his own behalf, and it never really has been. in various instances, it’s been about justice for auguste, damen, jord, and nicaise… but never for laurent himself. to laurent, it’s evil when the regent hurts all of the other boys—but when it was him, it was only fetish. and laurent understands that to the regent, with any of his victims, it is only fetish. not love or evil. even though the regent's boys believe it's love, even though laurent can rationally recognize that it's evil, it doesn't matter when the regent is still in power. and on a personal level, regarding his own experiences with his uncle, some part of laurent is still groomed into thinking he specifically deserves abuse.

Damen knew better than to reach out, or to try to touch him.

i love seeing moments like these. comfort isn't one-size-fits-all.

He watched Laurent’s face, the flickering of some internal truth behind the careful lack of all expression. ‘He was on my side,’ said Laurent. ‘But in the end, the only person on his side was him.’

don’t make the same mistake, laurent, assuming that damen isn’t on your side. oh fuck he can’t hear me.

‘You liked him.’ ‘My uncle cultivated the worst in him. He still had good instincts sometimes. When children are moulded that young, it takes time to undo. I thought . . .’ Softly, ‘You thought you could help him.’

see previous analysis re: laurent, grooming, regent, etc.

It was with a shock that he felt the touch of Laurent’s fingers against the back of his wrist. He thought it a gesture of comfort, a caress, and then he realised that Laurent was shifting the fabric of his sleeve, sliding it back slightly to reveal the gold underneath, until the wrist-cuff he had asked the blacksmith to leave on was exposed between them. ‘Sentiment?’ said Laurent. ‘Something like that.’ Their eyes met and he could feel each beat of his heart. A few seconds of silence, a space that lengthened, until Laurent spoke. ‘You should give me the other.’ Damen flushed slowly, heat spreading from his chest over his skin, his heartbeats intrusive. He tried to answer in a normal voice. ‘I can’t imagine you’d wear it.’ ‘To keep. I wouldn’t wear it,’ said Laurent, ‘though I don’t believe your imagination is having any difficulty with the idea.’

foreshadowing this in book 3, except it happens in the most petty insane way possible

Damen let out a soft, unsteady breath of laughter, because he was right. For a while they sat together in comfortable silence. Laurent had mostly returned to himself, his posture more casual, his weight leaned back on his arms, watching Damen as he sometimes did. But he was a new version of himself, stripped back, youthful, a little quieter, and Damen realised he was seeing Laurent with his defences lowered—one or two of them, anyway. There was an untried, fragile feeling to the experience.

<3

‘I should not have told you in the manner I did about Kastor.’ The words were quiet. Red wine was seeping into the tiles of the floor. He heard himself ask it. ‘Did you mean what you said? That you were glad.’ ‘Yes,’ said Laurent. ‘They killed my family.’

i love that he doesn’t lie here. because yeah.

The truth was so close in this room that it seemed for a moment that he would say it, say his own name to Laurent, and the closeness of it seemed to press down on him, because they had both lost family.

honestly cannot tell if it would have made things better or worse for him to tell the truth now. guess we'll never know

Because throw Laurent together with Damianos, and either one would kill the other, or, if Damen kept his identity concealed and they somehow managed to form an alliance . . . if he helped Laurent instead of hurting him, and Laurent, out of the deep-buried sense of fairness that existed within him, helped him in turn . . . if the foundation of trust was built between them so that they might become friends, or more than friends . . . if Laurent ever decided to make use of his bed slave . . . He thought about the Regent’s suggestions to him, sly, subtle. Laurent could benefit from a steadying influence, someone close to him with his best interests at heart. A man with sound judgement, who could help guide him without being swayed. And the constant, pervasive insinuation: Have you taken my nephew? My uncle knows that when I lose control, I make mistakes. It would have given him a perverse kind of pleasure to send Aimeric to work against me, Laurent had said. How much greater the twisted pleasure to be gleaned from this?

regent thought he was being clever but he actually just preordered his own defeat

‘I’ve listened to everything that you said to me,’ Laurent was saying. ‘I’m not going to rush off to Charcy with an army. But I still want to fight. Not because my uncle threw down a challenge, but on my own terms, because this is my country. I know that together we can find a way to use Charcy to my advantage. Together we can do what we cannot do apart.’

“together we can do what we can’t do apart” THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING

also warning, i forget the details of laurent’s whole charcy plan. so there’s probably context where i’m missing it. but i’m still looking out for double meanings etc

(note from post-reading sam: yeah you're about to see me realizing and processing things in real time, just hang in there i figure it out eventually)

‘My uncle plans everything,’ said Laurent, as though reading Damen’s thoughts. ‘He plans for victory and he plans for defeat. It was you who never quite fit . . . You’ve always been outside of his schemes. For everything that my uncle and Kastor planned,’ said Laurent, as Damen felt himself grow cold, ‘they had no idea what they did when they gifted me with you.’

i love that he says this, knowing who damen is. it just makes me happy. i think laurent is already Scheming at this point, and probably weighing the ways he can blindside damen or screw him over. “together we can do things…” doesn’t necessarily mean that they can make it happen as a team. damen is a useful piece to play strategically, though, and that way of regarding him means laurent conveniently doesn’t have to think about the intimate night they just shared or the two people who just died tragically who both parallel his own experiences

In a fort full of activity, he knew himself a game piece, and was only beginning to be able to glimpse the scope of the board.

truer than you think. although UGH i wish i could remember the exact sequence, i’m not sure if laurent is scheming to screw him over yet. i kinda forget how we arrive at “hello lover” because laurent knows damen is who he is, but i don’t think he’s being dishonest with his feelings. maybe it’s just that, once the reality is undeniable, laurent feels regret and shame about loving his brother’s killer, and massively course-corrects in the opposite direction by being cruel. maybe he doesn’t want to appear weak or compromised for having engaged with the akielion prince in the way he did, so he has to pretend that it wasn’t real. also he gets tortured, which probably doesn’t help. and the plot has to keep plotting and the conflict has to keep conflicting.

did laurent see charcy coming prior to nicaise? again, i forget. but i’m keeping an eye out for it now. i think his plans are all being made last-second, but i could be wrong.

(post-reading sam again: i was wrong.)

Jord was right. He had owed Laurent the truth, and he hadn’t given it to him. And now he knew what the consequences of that choice might be. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to regret what they had done: last night had been bright in a way that resisted tarnishing. It had been right. His heart beat with the feeling that the other truth must somehow change to make it right, and he knew that it wouldn’t.

yeah ngl damen i get why you didn’t say it but if i was laurent i’d be pissed. like i wonder if laurent was waiting the whole time for damen to just Say It, and the fact that he didn’t made damen lose the moral arbitration he didn’t even know he was subject to. THAT would explain laurent’s attitude at charcy. this was a test and damen failed. and while they both should just fucking talk to each other and laurent is insane for keeping this bit going for so long, i do understand why he’d feel disappointed and betrayed by damen’s lack of honesty, especially given the other ways damen has proven himself loyal and true. so it’s easier for laurent to use him and screw him over, in a way, because he can tell himself that damen’s just been using and screwing him too.

He imagined himself nineteen again, knowing then what he knew now, and he wondered if he would have let that long-ago battle fall to the Veretians—let Auguste live. If he would have ignored his father’s call to arms altogether, and instead found his way to the Veretian tents and sought out Auguste to find some common ground. Laurent would have been thirteen but in Damen’s mind’s eye he would have found him a little older, sixteen or seventeen, old enough that Damen’s nineteen-year-old self could have begun, with all the exuberance of youth, to court him.

damen: i think i’ve changed enough as a person that if i went back in time, i’d make a different ethical choice about the life or death of another person. and that’s cool and all, but ALSO i’d get to court laurent !!!!! :D

And if he couldn’t give Laurent the truth, he could use everything else he had to give Laurent a definitive victory in the south.

i mean you still could. you very much still could. you can have a kingdom AND this, you just have to communicate with laurent. but go and do the other thing i guess.

to be fair, damen doesn’t know that laurent knows. i’m being too harsh. if laurent truly didn’t know, this would make a lot more sense. the truth would make him far too upset to fight with a clear mind, and damen understands that laurent is more likely to screw up when he loses his mind. damen wants laurent to be safe and to win, so he withholds the truth that could destroy him. to a first-time reader, it makes total sense, and it keeps the tension going. i think that’s partially why i didn’t anticipate the twist—so much of the tension hinges on something being true (laurent doesn’t know), so it made the most sense to me that something with this much attention placed on it MUST be true. but it’s perhaps even more interesting and compelling to know on a re-read that it’s not true, that laurent does know, because it gives me a lot of things to re-contextualize.

the only downside is that it’s also just incredibly frustrating, now that i’m not on board emotionally with damen and the lie that creates the tension here. that doesn’t mean the writing is bad, but the feeling i get reading it is VERY different from how i felt the first time around. oh my god is that how laurent has felt this whole time. like he’s taking part in his own love story but he can’t fully actively buy into it or participate, because he knows something that jeopardizes the love story so dramatically that he can’t call it a love story at all. oh my god.

like, damen is in a romance story. there are politics and drama and adventure, but that is main genre of his narrative. he always tends to focus on romantic aspects of a situation. and the first time we read the series, we only perceive their love story from damen’s pov. we can’t even begin to guess what’s going on with laurent, because we think he’s clueless about this big lie, and so we kind of just make do with his dialogue and damen’s observations.

but laurent isn’t just the love interest in damen’s narrative. in laurent's narrative, he is the main character of a fucking psychological thriller, and has been this whole time. king’s rising is where damen (and the reader) finally get a sense of the genre/reality laurent has been living in thus far, because the truth comes out and laurent can now make it damen’s problem. but it's always been happening, in laurent's head.

There had been a silence, until Laurent had said, ‘You were right. I haven’t been thinking about it like this.’ ‘Like what?’ said Damen. ‘Like war,’ said Laurent.

it's the game he likes. not war

Now they faced one another on the dais and words rose to Damen’s lips, personal words. But what he said was, ‘Are you sure you want to leave your enemy in charge of your fort?’

do they ever say “i love you” on the page? i seem to recall an absence of that—which i don’t exactly mind in their case, because it’s pretty obvious they love each other by the end, and so much is left between the lines with them anyway. but i do wonder if damen had the urge to say some variation of the sentiment here, before chickening out and going for a snarky comment instead

They gazed at one another. It was a public goodbye, in full view of the men. Laurent extended his hand. He did it not, as a prince might, for Damen to kneel and kiss, but as a friend. There was acknowledgement in the gesture, and as Damen took his hand, in front of the men, Laurent held his gaze. Laurent said, ‘Take care of my fort, Commander.’ In public, there was nothing he could say. He felt his grip tighten slightly. He thought of stepping forward, of taking Laurent’s head in his hands. And then he thought of what he was, and all he now knew. And he forced himself to release his grip.

foreshadowing book 3. they can’t interact with each other with the same ease, intimacy, and privacy that they had as “master” and “slave” when they’re both recognized as capable leaders in the public eye.

(they fail miserably at this, though, especially in early-to-mid book 3 after the reveal. like they really just put themselves in a lose-lose situation: they “can’t” be in love or trust each other, but they are also so obsessed with each other that what they end up doing in the public eye is ten times weirder and less convenient for everyone else than if they just made up and were in love as well as commanding an army.)

Laurent was nodding to his attendant, mounting his horse. Damen said, ‘A lot depends on timing. We have a rendezvous in two days. I—Don’t be late.’ ‘Trust me,’ said Laurent with a single bright glance, straightening his horse out with the tug of a rein in the moment before the order was called, and he and his men moved out.

okay, so here’s what’s actually going on with the war shit, because i’m determined to keep track of it this time instead of just focusing on the emotions.

laurent is riding out to fortaine, which is the fort that guion runs, and the likely source of the regent’s promised troops at nearby charcy. this is a good plan because laurent taking fortaine fucks up the regent’s plan AND it gives laurent access to the resources necessary to continue fighting.

damen, meanwhile, will literally hold down the fort here in ravenel. laurent trusts him to do this. laurent has taken most of the soldiers, leaving damen with not many men if there was to be a surprise attack here.

they have an important rendezvous set in two days’ time, although i’m unsure where exactly they’ve agreed to meet. i’m going to assume fortaine or charcy, not back here in ravenel. i think since damen says “don’t be late,” the intention is for them both to show up at charcy with their men—for damen to leave ravenel in 1.5 days after preparing the fighters as best as he can—and fight the regent’s forces with their combined army. so it makes sense that damen would say "don't be late," because if he showed up alone with his men, they'd probably get slaughtered.

SO. this is what i remember actually happening:

laurent does not, in fact, show up for the rendezvous in two days, leaving damen to handle charcy alone

instead, laurent takes fortaine and just kind of chills there. damen eventually shows up after winning charcy, leading to the "hello lover" scene

laurent explains the situation to damen as if he (laurent) intentionally stood him up, as retribution for the truth damen has been keeping from him this whole time

BUT laurent is leaving out that he ended up being kidnapped and tortured by guion before killing a man with a chair and just barely managing to take the fort. or something. and govart is there too.

so my question is, does laurent at this exact moment already mean to stand damen up? or is the "hello lover" thing a way for him to cover up the fact that he got captured and tortured and almost lost everything? both things are probably true, which would kind of prove damen's point from the end of this book: laurent makes riskier choices without his input, and there are certain risks laurent shouldn't take because his life and safety matter. but mr "probably" laurent doesn't value his own life and safety very much, especially not if there's a possibility of winning the game. if laurent doesn't allow damen to look out for him, laurent is going to endanger himself.

my guess is that it's both: laurent fully intends to stand damen up at this point, but doesn't anticipate the consequence of his own manipulative bullshit. blindsiding damen will result in laurent's torture, capture, and near-death. despite technically winning the insane mind game against the damianos in his head, laurent will still need to save face with the damen in his tent. because he knows damen was right, and he hates it.

definitely revisiting this note when i read the "hello, lover" scene to see how i did ;)

addition to the note from sam reading two pages ahead: at some point laurent has also gotten akielions involved because he knows their presence will force damen to out himself as damianos. like he’s showing his hand in a way that screws damen over but also doesn’t necessarily get him killed, and most absurdly, STILL KEEPS THE LIE THAT LAURENT DOESN’T KNOW HE’S DAMIANOS GOING, making damen even more guilty and paranoid, and a first-time reader even more compelled by the tension. it happens as the cliffhanger for this book and before charcy, so the events at charcy stay open-ended to a first-time reader.

i hope we find out eventually if laurent planned all of this after they fucked, or if it had already been set in motion before and he just committed to the bit he’d already started. would the fucking have made a difference? probably not. laurent and damen are a cat and a mouse, but laurent thinks they’re a figurative cat and mouse in a psychological thriller who intentionally torment each other, and damen thinks they’re a cat and mouse in a disney movie who fall in love despite their differences. the rare moments where they step into each other’s genres are so rewarding and impactful because they’re so rare. if it happened more often, and during every pivotal moment like this one, it wouldn’t be nearly as powerful when they finally figure out their shit. “a kingdom or this” is an interesting tagline because of the “or.” if it was “and” from the beginning of the story, there wouldn’t be a story to tell. certainly not one as well-written and unique as this. pacat really is a master of writerly restraint, and i could learn a lot from her approach to story construction.

Because it was not possible, no matter what was said, to completely trust Laurent, the morning was a thin skein of tension, drawn tight.

lmao

‘Akielons are marching on us,’ he expected the runner to say, and he did, but then he said, ‘I’m to give this to the fort Commander,’ and he was urgently pressing something into Damen’s hand. Damen stared at it. Behind him, the Akielon army was approaching. In his hand was a hard loop of metal set with a carved gemstone, the etching a starburst. He was looking at Laurent’s signet ring.

oh my god he’s such a BITCH. this has been in motion since the start, and he hasn’t stopped it even though they fell in love. laurent i’m obsessed with your mind. get help.

He remembered the night Laurent had addressed him in Akielon for the first time, remembered long nights speaking in Akielon, Laurent shoring up his vocabulary, improving his fluency, and his choice of subject matter—border geography, treaties, troop movements. He said it as it opened up inside him, ‘They are our reinforcements.’

right logical path, technically right conclusion, but you are missing the additional reveal here so bad 😭 it’s okay buddy i missed it too the first time 😭

The truth was marching towards him.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO great line. great line for people who Get It and people who don’t. the truth = damianos, yeah, but also the truth = laurent knew. but damen only means the first truth, and the cliffhanger works so well because the reader might not know the second truth either. which i think is the ideal initial experience!

The Regent had been right, people were saying: Laurent had been in league with Akielos all along. It was a strange kind of madness to realise that this, in fact, was true.

context: the regent and laurent were both in league with akielos, just different pieces of it. regent teamed up with kastor, and laurent made contact with nikandros. it makes sense, since delpha is so close to acquitart/vere (i don’t know if i spelled that right) and they share relations with vaskians

this does make nikandros' burning hatred of laurent in book 3 like exponentially funnier though

He could feel the tension of the Akielon forces too, knew they were expecting treachery. The first sword drawn, the first arrow loosed, would unleash a killing force.

so what exactly did laurent say to convince them to come? i get that he meant for them to get here and be jumpscared by their dead prince, but what was the fake reason? just like a vague call for help/solidarity? do the akielons think it’s a trap, or did they come here to attack? it must be the first thing, if the signet is being presented. god this makes my head hurt but i am determined to explore every little nook and cranny of laurent’s insane political rube goldberg machine it’s like enrichment to me

also, holy fucking shit. if laurent always knew this was going to happen, because he set it into motion a while ago, then his comments about having one more night with damen hit so much harder. not only did he know he was going to lose damen, but he also knew that he had arranged things so that damen wouldn’t even have a choice in staying. he was always going to be exposed as a prince, and returned to his former station, and separated from laurent, no matter what. laurent had initially assumed, for good reason, that damen wouldn’t ever want to stay. but throughout this book that assumption has been challenged, over and over again. but laurent couldn’t just take back the messenger by the time they were getting really close. laurent failsafed this shit from the start, so that even if he started to spiral into cognitive dissonance, reality would inevitably arrive to snap him out of it.

laurent has put himself in a hell of his own design, and unlike previous laurent purgatories, this one wasn't on purpose. the intention had been to free himself of his brother’s killer, who his uncle placed in his life as a means of tormenting him. but instead, laurent’s gambit ends up ensuring that the only living person who truly loves him has no choice but to leave.

truly putting the “L” in laurent.

final notes

damen likes blondes mentions: 6 -> 8

laurent leans: 9 -> 11

lamen hr complaints: 4

(i started an ointment joke tally in like chapter one but it never came up again so it doesn't count)

character elements to watch out for (from book 1):

laurent perspective context (knowing what i know, what sense can i make?)

laurent & nicaise

laurent coping mechanisms (pretending, delusion)

damen coping mechanisms (avoidance, distraction)

damen reconsidering the ethics of akielos

mutual moral arbitration

new for book 2:

laurent intimacy depiction

damen's relationship with his father's legacy

damen comparing his current self to himself before vere

laurent and damen are living in two entirely different genres

series themes (from book 1): 

niceness vs. goodness

submission vs. respect - “there is no honour in obedience”

suffering alone vs. fighting together

pain and humor

honor and integrity

sex, power, innocence, violence

trauma, desire, consent

new for book 2:

a kingdom or this

multifaceted tenderness

[lisbeth-kk]

Excerpt from my Fluffbruary entry for August. (Victorian Johnlock)

I know there's not much fluff here yet, but there will be, I promise.

If I Can't Have You

John had scolded me several times about the lack of safety, and he certainly did not care to be left out in the dark but needs must. Besides, I was always able to make John see sense when the case was solved. Mostly I escaped unscathed, if one didn’t count the occasional bruise or small knife wound. Until now.

***

The chase had taken me far from Baker Street and to Limehouse and the Chinese settlement. I had been so close to capturing the culprit, but apparently, he wasn’t alone, which I should have calculated. Actually, I had, but in my excitement of finding the last clue, my recklessness had discarded John’s words of safety. As far as I was aware, no one knew where I was.

When I wake, I don't know where I am either. I am lying in a large circular bed, which make my brain spin.

Why would one make a round bed?

The smell of something familiar hits my nostrils with force. Opium. I had indulged in it of course, but it was not a narcotic I was particularly fond of. I had seen my share of addicts of the drug, which was a rather disturbing sight, and opium did unpleasant things to the brain. Damage beyond repair. Speaking of…

My head feels heavy, and it hurts too. Perhaps someone has hit me? Do I have a concussion? John would know. Something is gnawing in the back of my mind. 

Not only opium. Another drug in addition. Not Chinese. Latin-American. Can it be…

“I’m sorry, John,” I whisper and close my eyes when an agonising pain surges through my skull.

--------------------------------------

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@safedistancefrombeingsmart @gregorovitch-adler @topsyturvy-turtely @a-victorian-girl @meetinginsamarra

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[slaymitchabernathy]

Anything at all

| “If I let him do this to me, what else will I allow? Anything, anything, anything." - Catherynne M. Valente |

“I mean, why on earth would she cut her hair short? It looked perfect when it was longer. I’m surprised that Coriolanus let her cut it in the first place.”

The words spoken by Persephone and Clemensia cause a single tear to roll down Soarynn’s cheek. She knows that she shouldn’t be listening to their private conversation, but until they leave the bathroom, she’s stuck listening to their hurtful words.

If only they knew. If only they knew that their childhood friend was the one who hacked away at her hair.

She listens to them switch topics, berating some other poor woman who hasn’t done a thing to them. It’s a moment of relief when they finally leave the bathroom, leaving Soarynn alone.

Well, not entirely alone.

Her hand comes to rest on her protruding stomach. Her baby is alive and well inside of her and she’s beginning to show true symptoms of pregnancy. The morning sickness has been the worst of it so far.

There’s nothing quite like waking up and immediately running to the bathroom to throw up one’s dinner from the night before.

Coriolanus hasn’t seemed too pleased by her sudden nausea since it usually leads to him being woken up but he truly has no one to blame but himself for this.

“At least you don’t have to hold your hair back,” he had said to her one morning once Soarynn had brushed her teeth. He always seemed to know where to hit her the hardest, and her hair had been a particularly sore spot.

But Soarynn has done her best to look past it and to look forward to the birth of her child. They’ve yet to find out the gender or even hear the heartbeat, but after taking two tests in front of Coriolanus and having their doctor confirm it, Soarynn is indeed pregnant.

There are certain parts that she’s enjoyed to this pregnancy, shopping for the nursery has been her favorite part by far. She can’t help but buy all the adorable little stuffed animals she sees on the shelves.

And Coriolanus has been more than happy to cart her around, proudly showing off his hard work and sharp-shooting skills by resting a hand on her stomach. Leave it to him to take all the credit.

Still, appearances have to be upheld and Soarynn is swift to blink any remaining tears away before pushing her way out of the ballroom stall. She should get back to the gallery before Coriolanus grows suspicious. He already took all of her travel documents away, claiming that he was keeping them safe.

Soarynn knew the real reason behind him holding them because he was worried she might try to run off with their child and flee to the Districts.

Soarynn can’t imagine trying to make it by herself in the Capitol, let alone the Districts. As much as she hates to admit it, Coriolanus is all she has.

When she goes to wash her hands in the sink she glances up at the mirror for a moment. It’s still a shock to see her short hair, she’d never cut it before and it’s taken some getting used to. Thankfully, it’s grown down to her shoulders rather quickly, but it’s still short in her eyes.

She wonders what her child's hair will look like. Blonde for certain. And blue eyes, a true Snow. There's probably some test out there that can predict these things so Coriolanus will be sure to have her take one or three.

Soarynn forces a smile onto her facial features before leaving the bathroom and braving the crowd of people who are attending the art gallery tonight. The Hunger Games just commenced which means large gatherings and any reason to celebrate and flaunt one's wealth.

Soarynn hates it.

She hates the spectacle, the pageantry. It's children killing each other, not horses racing to the finish line.

The loud chatter of the crowd is what truly pulls Soarynn back to reality and out of her pregnant daze. She doesn't even have to look for her husband since he always seems to know where she is at any given moment. But instead, she finds Felix Ravenstill looking at a particular painting that is available for purchase.

Soarynn knows how much Coriolanus values the approval of his peers and how important it is to him that she makes an effort to speak to them, so she approaches Felix. "Quite a sight," she says, nodding at the large canvas.

The painting itself is of a wooden ship battling large ocean waves in the middle of a dark and cloudy storm. She thinks it's pretty which means Coriolanus will think it's hideous.

Felix nods and points at the ship, "You know they used to take those out to go fishing in Four, before the war that is." Soarynn's eyes widen as she imagines braving the ocean in a rickety wooden ship. After the war lots of things were replaces rather than repaired so the people in the Districts could be more productive. At least that's what the President says.

"It must have been quite perilous," she concludes. Neither of them says a word as they appreciate the painting and that is greatly appreciated by Soarynn who's grown used to how annoying Coriolanus and his friends can be sometimes. They never seem to stop talking to her no matter how quiet she is. But Felix is rather quiet compared to the rest of the group.

"I wanted to offer my congratulations by the way," he adds, glancing down at her stomach which is barely visible through her green dress, "you disappeared the night it was announced." Soarynn swallows down the bitter taste that comes with remembering that night at Heavensbee Hall. Where the truth came out and in the end it cost her a good six inches of hair.

But she simply gives him a dazzling Capitol smile, "Thank you, we're very excited." Felix chuckles and shakes his head, "Leave it to Coriolanus to be the first to have a child. I bet he's gunning for a boy." Undoubtedly, Soarynn thinks to herself.

In all her time of knowing Coriolanus Snow, he's never mentioned wanting a girl. So it makes perfect sense that Soarynn would love a little girl, or a boy for that matter. But she knows what will come with a boy, insurmountable pressure and expectations. At least with a girl, he won't be half as invested until she's older.

A hand rests on her lower back and she doesn't need to look to know that it's her husband. "There you are darling, I was starting to think you ran away." His words, his cold and teasing words have the intended effect on her and Soarynn stiffens in her spot, "Well you found me," she says sweetly, finally looking up at him.

Coriolanus is all too smug in the expression he wears, and he's been wearing it for the past month since finding out about Soarynn's pregnancy. He knows she's trapped, that he's won. The only way Soarynn might be able to pull one over him is by having a girl but it's up to fate at that point.

Coriolanus smirks and then turns to Felix, rendering Soarynn as invisible until spoken to again. She's grown used to it, the showing off, the silent competition amongst men who are desperate to land on top.

But it seems that Snow has landed on top once again.

Coriolanus solidified his status among the elite men when he married her, the youngest and most willing of the wives, and now that she's pregnant, he couldn't be happier.

Both men begin discussing a topic that has nothing to do with her, so Soarynn simply stays by her husband's side looking pretty and acting interested. All she really wants to do is go home and sleep but they won't leave for hours from the looks of it.

You wanted this, she reminds herself, you wanted to marry him, to become a Snow. This is the price and now you're paying for it

꧁ ꧂

Two Months Later

"It looks like you're having twins."

Soarynn nearly blacks out when hearing those words leave the doctor's mouth.

Twins? Is that even possible?

And of course, Soarynn knows that twins exist. Coriolanus has some old classmates that are twins if she remembers correctly but she had mentally been preparing for one baby, not two.

One look at her husband tells her that she's not the only one surprised by this news. Soarynn swallows before speaking, "You're sure it's twins?"

Coriolanus takes a closer step to the screen that is currently displaying what appears to be two fetuses, "Yes, you're positively sure she's having twins? There could be a mistake with your equipment," he suggests to the doctor who shakes his head. "Yes, I am quite certain. Here is the head of your first twin," he points at the screen, "and here is the second head. I know this can come as quite a shock, but once they're here I can assure you that you'll be absolutely taken with them."

Soarynn hears what he's saying but she refuses to believe him. How can she take care of two children? Be a mother to two children all while still pleasing her husband? It's like she can see the anger ruminating off of Coriolanus who is very quickly coming to terms with the fact that he will no longer have his little wife all to himself.

And she smiles.

"I'm sure we will be," she says, wearing such a genuine smile, the first one in nearly a year in fact. It's almost comical how quickly Coriolanus and his plans have flipped on him, how his deep-seated urge to get her pregnant has entirely backfired on him.

Coriolanus scoffs and glares in her direction before addressing the doctor again, "Can you at least confirm the gender?" The doctor shakes his head, "Not yet. In about a month or so we'll be able to see their genders."

Soarynn's smile drops at the reminder that she could be carrying two boys, two innocent children hurtling into a world of unknown pressure and expectations.

She'll just have to pray that she's having two girls.

꧁ ꧂

Soarynn gasps as Coriolanus pounds into her. Her eyes roll back, her back arches off the bed, her nails dig into his shoulders. It's all an act, perfectly calculated to ensure that he's happy at all times when fucking into her.

Coriolanus looks down at her, his piercing blue eyes boring into hers as he continues to fuck her, "You seemed pleased," he states. Soarynn's facade of indifference drops for a moment as she furrows her eyebrows. He rolls his eyes and lands a deep thrust into her, causing her to let out another moan, "You seemed pleased that we were having twins," he elaborates, "one might even argue that you were pleased with my own displeasure."

He knows her better than she thought. Soarynn thought she did a good job at hiding her emotions concerning the twins once they left the doctor's office. She remained quiet and by his side as they strolled through the Capitol streets, now bundled in coats for the cold October air.

Soarynn bites her lip while contemplating how to respond but it's rather difficult with Coriolanus fucking her. "Your pleasure is my pleasure," she gasps, repeating the words he's drilled into her brain over the past few months, "I only want you to be happy darling. I want...I want to give you sons, heirs." She nearly believes her own lies and it seems that Coriolanus is quite taken with them, especially since she tacked on that last word.

Heirs.

A promised future for the house of Snow. What Coriolanus has worked so hard towards now won't mean anything if he doesn't have a son to give it to in the future. And that's when the reality truly hits her, that if she should have two girls, he'll just get her pregnant again, and again, and again.

It seems that Coriolanus is already aware of that as he smirks down at her and shakes his head in a disapproving manner, "Finally put the pieces together hmm?" He grabs her jaw in his hand, hard enough to bruise her skin, "I'll tell you this once darling, and only once. I don't care if I have to cut my heir out of you myself, I will have an heir no matter how many times I have to fucking get you pregnant. Do you understand?"

Just like that, he has the upper hand once again. Soarynn feels foolish for thinking that she might have an advantage for once but she doesn't. She's simply a baby machine, a concubine, a walking womb for her husband to do what he pleases with.

Tears form in her eyes while that realization dawns upon her and Coriolanus seems more than pleased with her reaction as he presses a kiss to her lips, "As you said moments ago, my pleasure is your pleasure. And I'm going to take great pleasure in you granting me a son."

꧁ ꧂

Soarynn's knee bounces up and down as she sits in the chair, in the doctor's waiting room. They find out the genders today. Soarynn has spent the past month and a half trying to convince herself that she's going to have two boys. Or at least one boy. It's a fifty-fifty chance but she's reasoned that because she's having two babies that she simply has to have a son.

One glance at Coriolanus tells her that whatever the result is truly won't matter to him, he's going to get the son he wants no matter what it takes or how many children it takes.

Soarynn's nights have been plagued by horrible nightmares about childbirth, child loss, and everything in between. Nightmares about her having ten little girls and not a single boy, about her growing into an old maid and still being forced to try for a boy.

Her life has been ruled by the promise and hope of a son.

"Mr. and Mrs. Snow?"

Soarynn's head snaps up at the nurse standing in the doorway, the nurse whose life is not being ruled by fear and anger. Coriolanus smoothly rises from his seat and offers her his hand just like the gentleman he pretends to be. Soarynn gingerly takes it and stands up, a wave of nausea rolls over her. Her morning sickness has only worsened and she's now plagued with back pain and tender breasts.

Neither have stopped Coriolanus from fucking her.

They follow the nurse down the hall to the same room they were in when finding out that there would be two Snow babies instead of one.

While Coriolanus us chats with the nurse, a mantra, a chant, a prayer repeats in Soarynn's mind.

Be a son, be a son, be a son, be a son, be a son, be a son, be a son.

The nurse leaves the two of them with the promise of the doctor coming to see them soon and Soarynn fiddles with the hem of her skirt.

"Stop fidgeting."

She looks over at Coriolanus who's watching her from his chair, his legs spread out wide, his arms crossed in front of him as he leans back, comfortable as can be. She knows that the sick twisted part of him enjoys the pain she's in, the anxiety she feels, the physical pain she's been feeling from this pregnancy.

He enjoys it because he's the cause of it.

At least her hair is longer now, finally going past her shoulders.

Soarynn lowers her head after a moment, not wanting to challenge him and then be punished for it later on. "I'm sorry." She hates to apologize for something she shouldn't be ashamed of, but it's better than fighting him on it. A knock on the door announces the doctor who comes in with a small smile, "Here we are at last," he greets.

Soarynn doesn't return his smile but she does stand up to push her skirt down and remove her blouse. She can feel Coriolanus watching her and wonders if he wishes they had gone with a female doctor instead of a man. Either way, it's the least of her problems.

"Are you two excited?" He asks while preparing the equipment. Soarynn glances at her reflection in the small mirror on the wall, she's white as a sheet. "We're thrilled," she whispers.

The doctor hums and approaches her with the gel she's associated with a bundle of nerves and anxiety. "It might feel a little cold," he wants before applying the gel to her stomach. Soarynn is truly showing now, her skin stretching long and wide over her twins.

"Here we go."

Soarynn braces herself as she looks at the black screen and then sees two distinct white shapes that are apparently her children. Coriolanus rises from his seat and walks over to her side, resting a hand on her bare shoulder. Soarynn knows his touch is meant to be anything but comforting but she welcomes it nonetheless because it grounds her.

"Can you see the genders?" Coriolanus asks the doctor, a more curious side of him peeking out. Soarynn has heard one too many conversations between him and his friends over what the genders will be.

The doctor nods and zooms in on the screen and Soarynn holds her breath.

"A girl and a boy."

Soarynn lets out a relieved laugh and she feels tears pooling in her eyes. A boy. And a girl. An heir for their household and a girl for her.

Coriolanus squeezes her shoulder and she looks up to see him beaming proudly, the bloodline is secured. "Well done darling," he tells her, placing a gentle kiss on top of her head. Soarynn finds herself leaning into the sweet gesture and remembers a time when she thought gestures like this were actually genuine without motives behind them.

"You're certain we're having a boy?" She asks the doctor who gives her a reassuring nod, "Yes Mrs. Snow, it's quite clear that you'll be having a girl and a boy."

It feels as if a weight has been lifted off of her chest. Soarynn tunes out the doctor for the rest of the appointment since she knows Coriolanus will be listening. Once they're free to leave she thanks the doctor one last time before following her husband out of the office and onto the Capitol streets.

"We'll need to celebrate," Coriolanus says to her, wrapping an arm around her waist, his hand resting on the side of her bump, "go out for dinner tonight and then truly enjoy ourselves once we get home."

Soarynn finds herself nodding along with him and actually looking forward to tonight's celebration. Normally she'd agree out of necessity but today they truly have something worth celebrating. Even if it means going home and having sex. She might even enjoy it tonight.

She smiles up at him, "That sounds wonderful."

꧁ ꧂

Soarynn finds herself wrapped up in her husband's strong embrace as she lays naked in their bedsheets. For the first time in a very long time, she enjoyed having sex with him. After her father's death, sex was simply transactional, a way to keep him at bay and happy.

But tonight he showered her with praises, put her pleasure above his.

She knows it won't last, that it's most likely going to be a one-time thing but she's going to soak up every moment she can with the man she one thought truly loved her.

His fingers trace lines up and down her bare arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. She knows he's still awake, that he'll ether wait for her to go shower or fall asleep so she can't help but ask him a question.

"Coriolanus?"

"Hmm?"

Soarynn bites her lip once she realizes how silly and childish her question is but that's what he was getting himself into when he married her. A girl who was filled with silly thoughts and was still very much a child at heart.

"Are you proud of me?"

His fingers stop in their tracks and Soarynn worries that she's ruined such a good day with such an unnecessary question. "I'm pleased with you," he says, his voice stern yet calm. He's not mad. She'd know if he was.

And that's good enough for Soarynn, to have her husband be pleased with her. "We still have a long way to go," he reminds her, "there's much more to discuss about their upbringing."

Soarynn sits up when hearing those words and the sheets slide off of her naked body, bearing the front of her to Coriolanus who eyes her breasts for a moment before looking her in the eye, "What do you mean?" She asks, slightly flinching when his hand comes up to hold her face.

Their sweet, tender moment of bliss has evaporated. She can feel it in the air.

His fingers press into the soft flesh of her cheek, "I mean that we need to discuss how to raise the boy. He's my heir, he'll inherit all of this one day." Soarynn furrows her eyebrows when he only speaks of one of their children. Having twins means having a packaged set.

"But we're having a little girl as well," she reminds him, "don't you plan on having a hand in raising her as well?" She hopes he doesn't, she hopes he'll leave both of their children alone and let her nurture their dreams but Coriolanus Snow is a cruel man. He raises his eyebrows and his fingers slide down to her chin where he takes hold of it, "I plan on raising both of my children the exact way I was raised. Disciplined and obedient. You have to use a firm hand to guide them Soarynn, I can't afford for a son of mine to grow up soft and sheltered."

Soarynn can see her world falling apart in front of her. Her own children, the ones she's carrying, the ones she will give birth to won't even be hers.

"No."

The word leaves her mouth before she knows what she's saying and anger flashes across her husband's face. "What did you say?" If Soarynn was smart then she'd bow down and apologize, take whatever punishment he can think of, and move past this like nothing happened.

But this isn't nothing. It's her children's future.

"I was raised differently than you were," she tells him, her voice never wavering, "I was raised to see the good in people, to treat them with kindness, to always repay good deeds. I won't let you poison our children's minds with your beliefs."

His grip on her chin tightens and she can see a storm behind his eyes, "I will do whatever I want to do and you will obey me as my wife."

"Then let's make a deal." It's a horrible idea, but it's the only thing she can think of to save at least one of her children from a harsh upbringing. The other child...her sweet baby boy, well, she'll do what she can.

"A deal," Coriolanus repeats, clearly perplexed by her proposition. Soarynn nods, "Yes, a deal. You raise our son, I raise our daughter. By the time they're eighteen, we'll have a darling daughter who's kind and polite and a charming son who's the spitting image of you."

It's a horrible thing to suggest, to choose one child over the other. Soarynn knows that it makes her a horrible mother but a horrible mother wouldn't make a deal at all, they'd just accept their children's fate.

She watches Coriolanus mulling it over, weighing out the pros and cons to her proposition. He's a businessman through and through and this deal is the path of least resistance. Finally, he decides.

"Alright darling," he drawls, "you have yourself a deal."

Soarynn doesn't revel in her victory, instead, she leans in to kiss him to seal this deal and keep him happy. Their moment of bliss is gone and she's back to being miserable yet mendable. Coriolanus returns her kiss and his hand travels down below her stomach but despite how sore she is, she doesn't stop him.

She'll do whatever it takes to protect her children.

Anything at all.

| Part 2. |

| tumblr oneshot/drabble |

[gemini-sensei]

Popular!Reader who is new to the school and is lowkey obsessed with either nerdy Eli or Miyagi Demetri and Yasmine DESPISES it but she can't leave Reader because... idk maybe she's related to one of them or something 😭

Eli or Dem is convinced its a joke of some kind and says something awful (against Miguels begging to consider that Reader might just like nerds) and omg sorry I love angst ♡

I love angst too, no worries.

Reader being Yasmine's cousin who moves to town and starts obsessing/crushing on a nerd would irk Yasmine to no end. Every time she catches Reader staring at the boys, she would say something along the lines of "omg I can't believe you, they're so uncool" and "get a grip, there are so much better guys around here." But Reader won't listen. She's sure she's found the best guy in the Valley no matter what her cousin says.

When she approaches shy!Eli and starts chatting him up, he has no idea what to do. He barely says a word and lets her do all the talking. He just stands there and listens because how is this happening right now? Is this really happening? He's not dreaming, is he?

She'll even sit with him in classes they have together, working with him every chance she gets. It's super cute. But when it comes to lunch, she sits with Yasmine and her friends. They're constantly talking and laughing, mostly because Yasmine finds it fun to laugh at people but Reader isn't so sure about the things she's saying about them. Yasmine just tuts and tells her, "You'll learn the rules of this school eventually."

Eli convinces himself that Reader isn't actually into him. He can't stand the idea that she's faking nice to him, it's somehow worse than the outright bullying he's faced all his life. While talking to his friends about it, Miguel tries to tell him that he's overthinking it because Reader seems so genuine and nice, but Demetri is there to counter every point he has, his biggest argument being "She's friends with Yasmine, the pretty, popular Queen of Mean." It doesn't help Eli with thinking Reader is actually nice and really into him.

So, thinking she's trying to make some kind of joke out of him, he thinks he should say something to her. He'd rather be shoved into a locker and called names as opposed to someone pretending to like him just to get a few laughs out of her friends.

The next time he sees her, she's a little flirty with a big smile on her face. He can't deny she's beautiful, but unlike Demetri, that isn't enough for Eli. He can't take this anymore.

She smiles at him so pretty and starts talking. "Hey, Eli! So, I was thinking about how the science fair is coming up. Since Mr. Palmer said we could get extra credit if we enter, I was hoping you could help me with my project. Just you and me-"

"L-look, just leave me alone!" he cuts her off.

The outburst is surprising to both of them. He can't believe he actually stood up to her while she's shocked by what he said. Was she being annoying? Was she bothering him? Had she completely misunderstood where they stood with each other?

She asked softly, "What?"

"I said, leave me alone," he told her, not the least bit more confident, just tired of her games. "I-I don't want to hang out with you, and I don't want to do your project f-for you. Figure it out for yourself and don't talk to me again. So you can stop a-acting nice because I know y-you're really just a bitch."

She stares at him, completely devastated. She blinks back a few tears but Eli doesn't see them because he has his head down, sure that he has a berating coming his way. But instead, Reader just says, "Okay, fine" and walks away.

She ends up crying in the bathroom not understanding what she did wrong, unaware that she didn't do anything wrong. Her makeup runs down her cheeks as she tries to calm down, missing class because she can't. Eventually, Yasmine and Moon start texting her about where she is and if she's okay, why is she missing class (because that's not like her) and what's going on? She can't even hold her phone without shaking and needing to just belt out a cry because why would Eli say something like that? Was she that overbearing and annoying to him?

By the time Yasmine and Moon find her, she's quietly sniffling into her hands because she's so confused and hurt. She asks them to take her home and they skip the rest of the school day. They ask her what happened and she tells them how she was trying to subtly get some alone time with Eli, all for him to tell her to essentially fuck off and not bother him anymore. All Yasmine and Moon hear is that he hurt her feelings and called her a bitch, and they're upset about it.

Yasmine begins saying she knew little creepy nerds like Eli are nothing but jerks and idiots. She goes on and on about it until Moon puts a hand on her arm and says something about how that isn't really helping, fresh tears streaking Reader's face as they buy ice cream and cookies to help her feel better. They end up back home where they do everything they can to make Reader forget about what Eli said with movies, but whenever it gets quiet, his words replay in her head. She's constantly trying to figure out what she did wrong, where she misstepped or misunderstood things. She starts rereading her interactions with Eli as her being overbearing with her flirting and annoying talking to him when he obviously didn't want her to because he never said anything in return.

Of course he was annoyed with me. I was too much all of the time, she thinks to herself, crying softly.

Moon hugs her and lets her cry into her shirt, trying to soothe her by rubbing her back and letting her let it out. She looks at Yasmine sadly, unsure of what else to do because this has never happened to them before. What should they do?

Yasmine is pissed. This is her cousin. Sure, she was annoyed with the way she flirted with the nerdy boy and talked about how cute he was all the time, but now that boy had crossed a line. He'd hurt by far the sweetest of her friends.

Naturally, he had to pay.

[sweetbuckybarnes]

Birthdays: Thomas Bridgerton

Pairings: Colin + Penelope Bridgerton

Summary: It’s the first birthday of Thomas Bridgerton (Lord Featherington).

In honour of my 24th birthday, here's the Bridgerton family celebrating Thomas's first birthday.

Main Masterlist | Polin Masterlist | Birthdays Masterlist

Penelope was very surprised when she found herself expecting their first child. She was terrified. Ever since Colin had found out about Lady Whistledown, he had spent a lot of time either giving her the cold shoulder or bitter remarks.

She had grown up in a household where her parents hated each other. She refused to let her child grow up the same way.

At Francesca's wedding, she pulled her husband into a side room (quite possibly Anthony's study, she doesn't know) and told him her plan to speak to the Queen.

"Pen..." Colin started.

"No, this is the actions of the consequences I chose," she tells him, making sure to keep a good hold on her husband's hands. "I just hope the Queen accepts me," at Colin's furrowed brow, she finishes her sentence. "I do not know what her conduct is on beheading expectant mothers..."

Colin blinks a few times. "What?

"We..." She cuts herself off. "I am to have a baby."

Colin looks from her face to her stomach and then back to her face. "We are having a baby?"

This time, it was Penelope's face that frowned. "Do you honestly expect me to believe you would suddenly be at my side when I have felt more like a Featherington in my life, despite what it says on our marriage license?"

Colin looks at his wife with heartbreak in his eyes. Christ, he really has done wrong by her. "Pen. I am so unbelievably sorry for how I have treated you this past week," he steps forward and cups her face with one of his now free hands. "I promise you, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you."

Penelope didn't want to look at him doubtfully, but how could she? She knew she should have told him at some point leading up to the wedding, but such a revelation (ideally) that they needed to be alone.

Colin didn't recognise the doubt shining in her eyes - it was something she had never shown him before. He tilted his head and looked at her confused. He had only seen the look in Eloise, whenever she was doubtful of... his... "Pen, do you doubt me?" Her lips quirked as she shrugged a little. "Oh, Pen," he leaned down to rest his forehead against hers. "I swear to you, I will spend the rest of my life making up for the lost time we should have spent together. That I vow to you."

Penelope never expected to have a baby boy. All she wanted was a happy and healthy baby. If she was honest with herself, she was hoping for a little girl.

For years, she has wanted to escape the confines of Featherington House, with the family that once put her down continuously put her down. And now, with the arrival of her baby boy Thomas, she was back in Featherington House.

Penelope held Thomas as she and Colin looked at the walls that had once haunted her. "First things first, the yellow is going," Penelope tells Colin, hiking Thomas higher up her hip.

Colin looked at the walls that reminded him far too much of when he previously courted Pen's cousin. "Of course, my love. What colour would you suggest?"

Penelope looked down at her son, who had a tight grip on one of her locks. "What about green? You mix the Featherington Yellow with the Bridgerton Blue. Ow! Thomas, please do not pull Mama's hair."

Colin moved around the back of his wife and gently eased his son's hand from her hair to one of his fingers. "That would be perfect. I have always thought green looks rather enchanting on you."

"Flirt," Penelope says as she walks to the drawing room - the same drawing room she had always sat at the windowsill watching Bridgerton House. Watching for Colin and Eloise.

"If I can not flirt with my wife, there is something very wrong with society."

Before either of them knew it, they had fully settled into Featherington House, and Thomas's first birthday had arrived.

Penelope had fought, slightly heavily, with her mother about a wet nurse and a governess. But, Penelope was addiment on raising her son herself.

"You had a governess, and you turned out fine," Portia had told her daughter.

"You call the most prolific gossip writer in all of London, fine?" Penelope batted back, and that practically shut the conversation down. Colin had watched from the other side of his wife, in the dark blue Bridgerton drawing room of their former home, with a proud smile on his face. There were still moments where Whistledown shone through.

After Thomas was born, Colin and Penelope settled into her old bedchamber. It was the room Penelope knew (more the fact she didn't like the idea of sleeping in one of her parent's chambers. Thomas slept across the hall in what was Prudence's chamber.

Colin made sure to wake up in the middle of the night to tend to their son - unless he needed feeling, that he had no choice but Penelope up. He couldn't help but find her adorable when she first woke up to feed their son.

Penelope woke up the same way she had since she and Colin officially christened their marriage (and since then, her childhood bed). But with her husband between her legs, watching her as her brought her to completion.

As Penelope caught her breath, they could hear Thomas start to make his upstairs known in his cot. "Do not worry, dearest. I shall see to him."

Penelope watched as Colin got out of their bed, naked as the day he was born, and quickly threw on a robe (so as not to startle poor Rae, again...) so he could go see their son.

Not ten minutes later, Colin walked back in, their son cradled in his arms as Thomas chewed on his toy. Penelope was now sitting up in bed, bringing the bedspread with her, to make sure her breasts were covered.

Thomas let out a squeal of delight once he caught sight of his mama. He moved around in Colin's arms, trying to jostle himself into the arms of Penelope.

"Thomas! Good morning, my darling," Penelope smiled, reaching out to take her son in her arms. Because of this, the bedspread dropped. And in turn, Colin nearly dropped their son. Penelope giggled a little and sat Thomas standing in her lap. "Hello, you," she pressed multiple kisses to his face. "Hello! Hello!"

Colin smiled at his wife, and she smothered their son in kisses. He was grateful he was able to put his grudge with Whistledown to bed and spend the rest of his life with his wife - who had always been Whistledown (he reread her letters, and it was so obvious!). He reached over and started to run the palm of his hand along the back of Thomas's skull.

"Do you know what today is, Thomas?" Penelope asked him. "Do you?"

Thomas didn't know how to talk just yet, but he could understand words brilliantly. Just like his brilliant mother, Colin had once told her (read: flirted).

"It's your first birthday," she tells him. "That means you are this many," Penelope holds out her pointer finger. "You are 1!"

Thomas lets out another coo and holds out his hand, much like Penelope's, with his pointer finger out.

Colin and Penelope gasped. "Yes, you are that many," Colin told his son, leaning forward to press a kiss to the crown of his head. He looked up at his wife and pulled away a couple of inches as Penelope rested her cheek on Thomas's head.

"When can we have another?" She asks.

"Do not tempt me, you minx."

"Violet always loves it when her grandchildren stay the night. Why not let him stay the night after the party at Number Five? We would not be far."

Colin let out a noise, which could be classed as somewhat inhumane as he pressed a long kiss to his wife's lips. "You, my gorgeous wife, are a genius."

Violet was bouncing her third grandson, fourth grandchildren, and the current Lord Featherington on her lap as he stared up at her with his big blue eyes - they were so much like Colin's. But that hair... that was all Penelope.

"Violet?" Penelope encroached on her mother-in-law's space, softly sitting on the settee next to her. She looked over at Colin, who (even though he was having a conversation with his brother Anthony) could not take his eyes off his wife.

"Penelope? What is it, my dear?" Violet's eyes bounced back and forth between her son and daughter-in-law.

Penelope took Thomas's hand in hers. "Would you like for Thomas to spend the night tonight?"

Violet gasped, holding her grandson to her chest. "Oh, do you mean it? Truly, Penelope?" The redhead nodded in confirmation. Violet let out a loud, unladylike squeal of joy. "Oh, Penelope! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

Colin's eyes bounced between his wife and his mother - and judging by the way his mother was acting, she was more than happy to look after Thomas for the night.

Tonight was the night he would get his wife pregnant for the second time.

[enhaheeseung]

At your service l. Heeseung

Pairing: live in maid heeseung x rich fem reader

Warnings: age gap, crying, angst, heartbreak.

• Masterlist

• WC: 2,344k

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

“What’s wrong with you?” Jay asked a depressed looking heeseung while they ate lunch outside on the school bench.

“You were right,” heeseung sighed, resting his chin on the table with a pout that had never left his face since you kicked him out last night.

“Hmm?” Jay takes a bite of his salad, mainly focusing on the contents of the bowl rather than his sulking friend.

“I should have just left her alone.” he pushes his food to the side, not having an appetite since last night.

“Who? Your boss?” Jay wipes his mouth a bit more attentively after hearing what heeseung said.

“Yeah,” heeseung mumbles sadly. Right now, he’d usually be using his lunch to go see you on his short break or at least text you, but alas, here he is, sitting in front of a cold lunch and a friend that he can’t help but despise a little bit even though the events of what happened last night were technically all his own fault.

“Why do you say that?” Heeseung sits up in his chair, body slouching down into the back of it.

“Cause I fell in love with her and she saw our messages” he taps the bench with his fingertips his eyes looking as if he’s spaced out while he casually tells his friend about his love life.

Jay nearly choked on a piece of lettuce when the words left his friend's mouth. “You what, and she what now?”

“I ended up playing a bit too much and fell in love with her,” he says, the tiniest bit of a smile reaching the corners of his mouth. “We were doing so good, and I haven’t been this happy with anyone in my entire life. I even bought her a little puppy. It was her birthday yesterday, and we were just so happy everything was going perfectly, but she saw the messages and-“ he choked up a little, remembering the hurt look on your face and the hurt he felt when you slapped him. “Needless to say, she doesn’t want to see me anymore, and I’m jobless,” he laughs pathetically, eyes tearing up a bit.

“I-I’m sorry I didn’t know,” Jay murmured, feeling like it was his fault for sending the messages. Heeseung’s story was a little all over the place, but Jay got the jest.

“It’s not your fault I should have told you my feelings for her a long time ago and I apologize for denying my feelings towards her at the time I just didn’t want to fall in love again after what happened” he wiped his eyes straightening his posture and trying to take his mind off it. “Anyways what were you texting me for that was so urgent” he finally stuck his fork into a piece of cold beef on his food tray.

“Oh, um, I won a free trip to study in Canada, and I can bring a plus one,” Jay says enthusiastically. “And obviously, you’re the plus one, that is, if you’re up for it after, you know,” he mumbled the last part, hoping not to come off as insensitive.

Heeseung smiles faintly. “Canada really doesn’t sound too bad right now.”

-

A day after the incident with your now ex-boyfriend, you called your cousin cause you had to talk to someone about what happened; otherwise, you’d give yourself a headache thinking about it, and you knew he was the only one in your family who would still be up at this late hour.

“Hey, hoon,” you smile as you hear him greet you back, but your voice breaks almost immediately as you open up to him about everything, crying to him and pouring out every single detail that took place in the past few months of you dating your live-in maid.

You didn’t mean to dump all this on him at once, but you couldn’t keep it all bottled up in your head any longer.

He listens intently, agreeing with you on everything, even going as far as to curse out the man that he never met a day in his life before, but anyone who hurt you was a target for him, a walking bullseye.

“I can come over for the weekend i know how lonely it can get in that mansion of yours and I know this is really hard for you” he says as you both near the end of the conversation.

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to bother you,” you said softly.

“It’s fine. Besides, I’ll bring Jake over, too. He’s been dying to see your mansion ever since I told him about it,” he laughs.

“Thanks, hoon. I really appreciate it. I’ll see you two next week.” You end the call with a sigh. You could definitely use both their company.

-

When the weekend rolls around, and the clock strikes eight, your doorbell rings, and none other than your punctual cousin is standing outside on your porch, his arms spread wide open for a big hug.

“Hey! Y/n, it’s so good to see you,” he smiles softly, wrapping his arms around you.

“You too,” you replied, arms encircling his back, and you couldn’t help but cry from the contact, the comforting hug being exactly what you needed after sulking all week.

“Aww come on let’s go inside” he guided you inside tossing his bag on the floor and leading you to the couch. “You wanna tell me more?” He asks attentively.

You nodded, wiping your tears and giving him the run down from start to finish while your tears dried.

You told him everything from the start about how you felt about Heeseung and the relationship you had formed with him in the short time span since you had hired him till the last time you saw him and everything in between.

“Wow, what a fucking loser,” Sunghoon scoffs in disbelief, trying to control the rage that was coursing through his veins. That heeseung guy better pray they never come into contact. He thinks for a moment wondering how to go about this he could confront him personally and have a civil conversation with your piece of shit for an ex, but he had a better idea. “So you still have to see him one last time and give him his check?” You nodded, confused by his question, wondering what that had to do with anything after everything you’ve told him just now.

“Why?” You decided to ask.

“Leave it to me,” he smirks to himself, mentally patting himself on the back for his wicked idea, but heeseung should have known better than to hurt your feelings like that.

-

Heeseung was lying in bed, one hand behind his head, looking up at the ceiling, thinking about you.

Usually, at this time, he’d be laid up with you, cuddling in your bed and probably watching TV or making love to you or maybe just talking to you. Whatever the case, maybe he’d be with you, and that’s all that mattered. A notification on his phone knocks him out of his thoughts, and he reaches for it unenthusiastically. He doesn’t look at the screen; assuming it is Jay, he unlocks his phone, but his eyes quickly widen in surprise when he sees that it is you.

He popped up out of bed, opening the text faster than the speed of light and reading it.

He frowned.

He was hoping that maybe it was you actually reaching out to talk to him, but as he read that it was only about picking up his last paycheck, he couldn’t help the ache he felt in his chest.

On a brighter side, maybe when he picked up his check, he could use that as an opportunity to explain himself to you one last time.

He got up took a quick shower and got dressed in casual but classy attire spraying what used to be your favorite cologne on.

Slipping his shoes on, he grabs his keys and heads out the door to collect his last check, hoping you both could maybe have a conversation about what happened, and he could explain how sorry he really was and just how much he’s been missing you and loving you from afar.

Just in case, he grabbed the jewelry box before he left the one that held the birthday present, slipped it into his black slacks, and headed to your place.

Upon arrival he rings the doorbell and waits for a few moments whistling to get rid of his nervousness but it didn’t work.

The door swung open a few seconds later, and heeseung put on his best face, but it fell completely when you weren’t the one answering the door.

With his brow furrowed, he thinks to himself.

Who’s he? Since when did you have visitors? Was he your new boyfriend? Brother? But you didn’t look alike. What’s happening?

He wanted to say every single last one of those things, but instead, he composed himself. “H-hi, is y/n home?” He asked meekly.

“Umm, she is, but,” he enunciates the t, looking back at the staircase. “She’s busy,” he responds and looks at heeseung, a wide fake smile plastered on his face.

“Oh well, she texted me a bit ago to come over for my payment. I used to work for her, so,” he explains, wondering why you’d text him if you were so busy that you couldn’t even answer the door when he arrived.

“Odd,” Sunghoon rubbed his chin in thought. “I’ll let her kno- uh, never mind, there she is.” he opens the door wider, giving heeseung a clear view of you coming down the stairs.

Heeseung smiles when he sees you it’s only been a few days but you’re still just as beautiful as he remembers.

He goes to greet you, but again, his face falls flat when he sees you coming down with a man trailing behind you.

Not just a man.

A man that was shirtless, and now that his eyes flick between the two of you, he notices that you’re tying up a bedrobe, and the guy behind you is putting his shirt on. The sight made him feel like puking, and he could feel his heart drop.

Did you already move on that fast? Did you not love him in the first place? How were you already seeing other guys? “Y/n?” He says your name, clearly confused as he walks into your mansion and what you both used to call home together. “What Is this?” He can’t help but ask. His eyes are soft as ever as he looks at you, waiting patiently for an answer despite the racing of his poor heart.

“Oh, is this the guy you told me about?” Jake asked, pretending to be your new man going along with the plan that Sunghoon had brought up to you the other night when he came to your place.

You simply nodded your head, following Jake’s lead a bit reluctantly. You didn’t exactly like Sunghoon's plan, but since it was an opportunity to get back at heeseung, you took it after what he had done to you.

“You should have told me we had company, baby,” Jake smirks at heeseung. “Sorry, bro, didn’t mean to keep her so long, but I’m sure you know how it is.” Jake winks and places his hand on your shoulder for extra measure before walking past heeseung on the staircase.

Heeseung cringed at the filthy words this random guy spoke to him. Who the hell were they, and how did you go from barely having any contact with anyone to now having not one but two men in your home? This wasn’t like you. “Y/n,” he ignores everything else, waiting for you to give him answers. He needed it straight from the source, not whoever these two clowns were.

You turned around getting ready to walk upstairs but he quickly climbed the first three steps gripping your wrist and stopping you. “Hands off” sunghoon quickly intervened.

“I don’t know who you are, and I do not care. Lay hands on me again, and there’s going to be a problem.” heeseung turned to Sunghoon towering over him, his heart racing with anger, a complete contrast to the way he looked when he turned his attention back to you as Sunghoon took a few steps back. “Y/n, wait, please listen. I love you, okay?” He said softly, with tears gathering in his eyes as he reached into his pocket, grabbed the box with your jewelry in it, and showed it to you. “It was your birthday present. I got us matching ones.” he held out the box, and you couldn’t help but take it out and examine it. Your mind was piqued with curiosity, and your heart ached as you inspected it.

He peeled his shirt back, showing you the other half, which was hanging off a chain around his neck.

You really wanted to believe him, but if he loved you, what was his friend talking about? You were conflicted, and you regretted even listening to Sunghoon and setting this up as you handed heeseung the box back and ran to your room with tears in your eyes.

He watched you disappear from his sight and he closed the box his jaw tightly clenched as he walked back to the door bumping sunghoon on the shoulder roughly as he left and slammed the front door shut.

Jake appeared from the kitchen when everything went silent. “Did he really just drop the L word infront of us?” He asked eyes widen with shock.

“Yeah…..” sunghoon scratches his head in confusion. The funny thing is that heeseung looked really sincere, and the way he just confessed to you in front of them was definitely a gutsy move on his part.

Maybe he’d gauged it wrong, maybe Heeseung just made a mistake, or maybe he really did love you after all.

He shook his head and didn’t think about it too much before running upstairs to apologize and comfort you.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Thanks for reading likes comments and reblogs are always appreciated sorry for any typos or errors I hope you all have a good day/night♥️

[thelreads]

Comparing this to the Twilight flashback arc, I think it's telling how it's the older people who keep saying war is bad. We couldn't see her age, but when rodacted was a kid hanging out before the first bombs fell, he was talking with an older lady who was selling croquettes and she was saying that she was part Ostanian and kids shouldn't want war.

We haven't gotten official stances from the Authens about the war, but Sigmund did "help rehabilitate wounded soldiers in Covenia." Plus, when Anya said he wanted world peace, he called Anya and all children treasures. Given that his work gave him a front row seat to the horrors of war, and he thinks children are treasures, I'd say he and Barbara are probably anti-war.

Now we have Mrs Anabel who is older than Martha, and even though Martha is already disillusioned with the war, it's still Mrs Anabel who is helping the Ostanian, not any of the younger people. We have no idea if Mrs Anabel has any connection to Ostanians other than that her daughter was killed by them--and yet she still stuck her neck out for an Ostanian soldier. It could have backfired really badly--what if Martha had decided to kill Westalians on sight, or what if her neighbors found out and killed her for harboring an Ostanian--but she still did it. I think it's the loss of her daughter that made Mrs. Anabel save Martha. Perhaps she saw Martha at the riverbank and thought of Martha's mother--perhaps she saw Martha at the riverbank and thought "what would have happened if someone came across my daughter like this?"

I don't think Endo is trying to say that all old people are against war or that we should always listen to old people, but rather that people who have life experience will probably think war is stupid. The Croquette Lady has family in Ostania so she knows that not all Ostanians are evil; the Authens saw how war affects soldiers, so they think of peaceful children as treasures; Mrs. Anabel lost her daughter and wanted to prevent another mother from feeling that pain. Even the Ladies Society: they were awful to the Town Hall girls, but I would be surprised if the women who set up a veterans memorial and lost their husbands to the war--the women who look up to Melissa who clearly regrets even being tangentially related to the war--would be pro-war. Donovan has likely never had a meaningful experience with anyone, let alone a Westalian. He never has, since he was a kid. And he was a rich sheltered boy who never interacted with anyone outside his tax bracket. So he doesn't have the experience to see why people want to stop war, even if it's inevitable.

I think Endo's idea was not to focus on age, but on maturity. Those people that are against the war are wise, they know that war is futile and horrible, and the easiest way to represent maturity is to make the character older. It is because of that we always see older people telling the younger ones to not strive for war, croquet lady to Babylight, Ms Anabel to Martha, Melinda to the town hall girls (because Melinda is older than them, she's in her 40s by my calculations)

Anya telling Sigmund that she wants peace brings him hot because finally, the younger generations are breaking free from this madness, and there's still hope.