#i would put this under a readmore but im on mobile

[hustlerose]

finally finished FILTH by irvine welsh. i stand by what i said abt it before. this book would put 99% of puritanical twitter geeks in the fucking hospital

if the middle third (or even the middle half) of it was removed or reduced, this might be my new favorite novel. as it stands, there's so little plot in there, it really drags. until the ending, of course, which is the best thing i've read in a long time

i can see the argument that the lack of plot is a positive, though. filth is a study of bruce robertson as a character. the murder mystery plot is secondary. and the directionlessness serves to donstrate that bruce's life fucking sucks. this is the life you get when you act like robbo: hollow, dull, aggrivating, gross, full of petty bullshit, and slowly getting worse.

if he actually did his job, or had deep relationships with other people, this would be a normal detective novel. instead, it's an experimental scottish acid trip. it's a slow drop down a bottomless pit

and i love this character. he really is good enough to make you keep reading, plot or no plot, just to see him do stuff. he starts already depraved, and only gets worse. he is disgusting in very ordinary, human ways, even while everything ramps up to absurdity. every aspect of him is horribly plausible. i saw myself in him sometimes, and felt sick

thats whats so compelling abt characters like humbert humbert or patrick bateman. you hate him, obviously, but we've all been that guy once or twice, just a little bit

no spoilers, but the ending is amazing. it reminded me of lolita in a lot of ways. its the same sudden gut punch, where we see what other ppl really think of the main character. he thought he was soooo smart, so in control, the master manipulator. he thought everyone would see him as the most masculine, powerful, interesting guy in the world. what a fuckin joke

btw someone on the disco elysium team was definitely a big fan of this book. the fascism, the loser cop archetype, the divorce, the focus on character over plot, the dreamlike introspective stuff. the mix of comedy and tragedy, condemnation and empathy. it all fits so well. it would be pretty easy to make a hdb who's basically an alternate universe robbocop

[bandit-savage]

I often wonder at my own greed. I don't want money, not any more than I need to live a comfortable life. But I want love. So. Very. Badly. I want it so much it hurts. I want it like my lungs want oxygen, and I burn the same way in its absence. I have a lover already. A handsome, silly boy that I love to the ends of the earth and back. And despite our problems I'm sure he loves me the same. But for shame, he's not enough. There are others. Others I yearn for. Others I crave, in flesh and breath and soul.

And I shouldn't, oh I shouldn't.

For they love me already, in the ways that should be enough. In the way you love a sibling, in the way comrades pull each other through hell. In the way I already love them too...

God, it should be enough. Why isn't it enough? Why do I dream of their bodies pressed against mine? Why do I steal glances in the way a friend shouldn't? Why do I turn green with envy when I see the way they're already loved?

It's not fair. It's not fair to them. Why should they be desired by such a wretched, ugly thing? They are happy, loved as they should be, as they're deserved, by individuals fit to do so. What is so kindly given already is a gift, a blessing. It should be enough.

Please forgive this greedy fool. Why is it not enough?

[rememberedbyamark]

I feel like going to community college isn't good enough. Which is absolutely ridiculous!! I know that! Logically, I know that! My state has one of the lowest % of people with bachelor's degrees in the country, my Dad didn't go to university, none of my siblings have, several of my friends aren't going a to university and the ones that are planning on going are going to be teachers. I have absolutely 0 pressure from anyone in my life to attend a big university

But also.... I've always wanted to. I don't know why. My dream job has changed lots and now I've settled on getting a Business degree (I'd love to get into labor organizing/unions one day), but I think it's the idea of it to me. I don't drink and I'm ace so it's not that I want to go partying every night. I just wanted to go and be there and know that I'm trying

Idk it's a really ridiculous thing to be upset about. It's not like it's not an option, at least not forever, but it's not going to be now and I just can't shake the feeling that I'm not going to university because I'm not smart enough or brave enough to try, even though the real reason is just money.

I guess when I get to the end and graduate, I hope I'll feel differently and I can be proud of myself for what I've accomplished instead of feeling like I only succeeded because it was the easiest option

[sunnnfish]

Due to the mental anguish I am rambling about tbhk. I WAS going to put this under a readmore but that keeps breaking the post on mobile so. Im sorry. Tons of spoilers for chapter 99. And like the whole series. You know how it is.

I feel like I need to make an itemized list because there’s so fucking much I need to talk about right now

The violence and parallels to tsukasa. I mean who can forget tsukasa prying mitsubas mouth open to feed him number 3s heart. Who knows what tsukasa’s intentions were but they weren’t necessarily bad— as we know now mitsuba needs to eat to survive plus number 3 was like a pretty big power boost that would keep him together for a longer time. So he likely just wanted mitsuba to live comfortably. BUT ALSO there’s the beginning of the chapter where tsukasa tells mitsuba to dig the heart out himself vs kou who gets it for him. Anyways. With kou here it clearly came from a similar place of wanting mitsuba to not disappear. There’s a desperation to it and fear and it’s one I personally actually know quite well. I’ve dealt with friends refusing to eat and take care of themselves and it is a violent frustrating feeling that just ends with crying after the anger fades. There’s a lot of confusion like. Why do you not care about yourself as much as I care about you. Anyways. His actions make a lot of sense to me bc I have felt and done the exact same things.

Me core ^

and THEN there’s mitsubas feelings of wanting to be fucking exorcised and going to the fucking minamoto household to do it there’s so much here hang on. Like. I think he went to the minamoto house for some sliver of hope. If he wanted to for sure disappear he probably could’ve waited it out or something better but he went to the place where, depending on who answered the door, he’d either die or be faced with fucking. Kou minamoto. And the fact the he chose to reveal himself to kou it’s like. Did you really want to disappear. Did you really. And then taking him out on a fucking date basically like. You don’t want to disappear do you. You just don’t want to be. This. He wants to be human. He wants someone who will understand him and. And. Kou so readily accepts and understands him. Even the parts he thinks are ugly or unworthy. Fuck.

AND THEN. Kous feeling of inadequacy and fearing that mitsuba trusts tsukasa more than him and connecting to the vision he saw in the red house. Whether he accepts it or not he wants mitsuba to need him. The red house showed him a mitsuba who told him that he needs kou that he wants kou to be a supernatural with him and he brushes it away knowing mitsuba would never say that to him. He tells himself that mitsuba would never trust him or want him like that but he wants it to be real and he’s still hurt when the real mitsuba won’t open up to him. And it all comes back to his overall self worth issues of wanting to be strong and dependable and worthy.

AND this is all under the context of Teru finally letting kou have some responsibility and telling him to go exorcise the low level spirit that came near their home and AaaaaAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUU. KOU MINAMOTO……..

God its just. Kou minamoto cares about mitsuba so so so much and neither of them completely understand the gravity of it all. Also at this point hes said like 3 times that mitsuba is the root of all his worries. ALSO dont even get me started on the art and expressions this chapter. It’s so gorgeous like as always but. God. Also the keychains. Im gonna[blaring truck horn]

ALSO the way mitsuba says at the end like ‘you’d be lonely without me’ or whatever and kou almost looks shocked for a second like. Oh. And its like he thinks about it more and cries more because yeah, he would be lonely. He’s been lonely. Mitsuba somehow inexplicably became like his closest friend that knows everything about him and god he was lonely when mitsuba disappeared. The first time and the second. And he’s barely had time to process any of it because to everyone else around him mitsuba doesnt really. Matter. And because kou is so kind he is always putting everyone else’s problems in front of his own. The severance happens and it becomes a journey to help nene bring hanako and aoi back—next to no mention mitsuba aside from the leads to the red house, much less trying to find and save him too. The whole time theyre in the boundary to the far shore its all about hanako and nene and number 6. And there’s STILL the conversation about how to become a supernatural that he brought up with nene but noooooo we cant ever know anything about what kou wants. And like. It all comes back around this chapter because he so so selfishly wants mitsuba to live. One of the only things he lets himself want. And it aches. God. I wish i was any good or natural at prose writing because god the things i would write about minamoto kou. AND TO TOP IT OFF HES LIKE FUCKING 14 YEARS OLD…. Okay. Okay im done.

[fallenclan]

howdy there, i’d like to submit a fic but im not sure how to add a readmore, (im on mobile website), would you know how to do that? i’ve looked it up, but everything i’ve tried hasn’t seemed to work.

Thank you! :)

howdy! if you submit or send the fic in an ask, I can go ahead and make a new post for it and put it under a readmore myself :3

[shadowscommand]

MORE thoughts about STALKER2 AU please. ANYTHING

okayyyy :)c im putting this under a readmore if u saw it wout one sorry. on mobile u can't tell how long things are until u post them ummm

so as mentioned the bale twins would b looking for nikto And zakhaev's whereabouts but theyd for sure start w nikto and theyd have to like.. circle around to the last few places he'd sent information from. and they'd like Fully expect to find just A Corpse but they'd instead find convos zakhaev had about leaving someone to die in the red forest. I think probably also niktos torture would not be like As long and arduous sadly but he still ends up fucked mentally bc of psi shit. its like a point of pride for him on not going back + the Zone just Has him he's found himself as a stalker. i also don't think hed have a super strong drive for Revenge against Zakhaev bc i think everything about the wish granter and c consciousness would Scream trap to nikto. like he'd assume hes a lost cause out in the zone already. believes the zone will take care of him itself. fanatical belief in the zone bc it seems like he was protected by it (left for dead only to wake up alive much later all alone.) his past is gone bc hes a Stalker now hes a loner in the zone and hes like insanely protective of his solitude he does not like being fucked w played w or anything. he especially does not entertain any questions about his past and why he came to the zone. i keep trying to place him in gear and whatnot but i think he might actually be in a modified monolith armor set bc he wants to be Left alone and thats the best way. to get people to think you're monolith.

i think both of the ipsf bale twins would b rly neutral on the zone its just part of the job for them. they might enjoy working w just the two of them but nikto would frustrate bale soo fucking bad esp once they catch up to him. everything he tells them is either a half truth or an outright lie and hed send them to continuous dead ends trying to get them to Leave him alone. the only reason to not kill them is they bring him free shit in exchange for information. nikto cannot turn down new shit (esp w rodion being a rookie straggler following him along. He needs items for his new boytoy.)

rodion can intrude on his solitude bc he listens emphatically to what nikto says. hes rly out of his element in the zone (bc its hostile to him) and nikto knows if he lets him out of his sight hes going to die. and that would be sad. bc he has a nice hole. but as they get more comfortable with each other and in their routines rodions real personality slowly starts to come out and soon he is a hardass loner with a peppy follower who has a walkman and carries books & blankets in his backpack bc he likes frivolous things that he wouldnt have the luxury of if he was walking the zone by himself. even if he starts to get stubborn as he approaches the "ive been here for a few months i know how things work" stage. would piss nikto off so bad but now hes endeared to rodion. he gave him a nice new beautifully repaired mark 1 emr and everything. little bitch.

[the-nerdy-fangirl]

Weather rant

This is such a long rambly post it will be going under a readmore if I can do that on mobile. I cannot. Feel free to skip Im just a bit lost

Bro idk if it’s a climate change thing or what but monsoon season has started two months early and is hitting h a r d

usually we get a super wet july-august especially in the afternoons, but this year starting in the beginning of may it has just been downpours after 4 and temps in the 60s at the highest. And it has Not let up but for like a couple days

I love being under tornado watch hah a not like I am terrified of the possibility of them plus I live alone it’s just me and my dog Poe. he kept yelling at the front door - I think he can tell I am not super comfortable with the possibility of these storms developing - and now that we're in my bedroom and I closed the door He is sitting directly on me and growling at all the thunder

I went a bit prepper and put my (already mostly packed because of the threat of fire from the lightning) important go bags in my innermost room and am probably being overly cautious in that i am not going to use any running water while there’s so much close lightning but I’m hoping it will help me feel less anxious. Like I just would grab my laptop, phone , portable battery, and Poe and skeedadle into the bathroom

The rain is great but the lightning and wind are what’s getting me. And i lived in tornado alley for all of college (mostly not during tornado season though) fires and tornadoes baby. ugh.

Supposedly going to have a break for at least 2 hours so i think i will do my Duolingo and sleep until it wakes me up

God if this is a climate change thing… where’s that list. the list. Father may I have my [redacted] from the safe in your office. I have a task.

[silenceofthemongooses]

theres a dude in my year whos in a bunch of my classes this semester

and this man physically cannot hold a conversation without talking about how high or drunk he is or was

friendsgiving ? “YOOOO SAM I WAS SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT AND THEN THIS MORNING I JUST FINISHED OFF THAT BOTTLE OF WINE”

discussing teachers? “yeah he has no idea who i really am because i always came into his class high”

literally just waiting for class to start? “hey, anyone want to go grab food from [the cafe in the building]? i’m as hungry as i was last night when i had the munchies haha”

like, whatever, if you’re going to drink and smoke, i don’t care. but are you really that boring and uninteresting that you can’t hold a conversation about anything else ?????

straight up. every time i’ve talked to him. or been near him. he cant fucking shut up about it and he’s my least favorite person at cooper

[macchiatosdumptruck]

.

[gothmonsters]

self harm is weird bc if u havent cut in like 3 yrs u forget how much it physically hurts when you cut your wrists for the first time in ages but its kinda what u want but its still a shock

[plaguedoctormemes]

In relation to the last ask I got, here is how I have organized the information in my journal so far, “Assembly of Plague and Plaguelike Knowledge”:

1. “Humorism”. Mostly explaining what it is and why we used it. People have been known to subscribe to humorist theory since the Ancient Romans all the way throughout the entire medieval period and well into the rennaissance (where it was still a belief plague doctors had) so it seemed very important to start with. Explained the four humors and their elements, and how they were supposedly related to our physical and mental health.

2. “The Bubonic Plague”. Where it came from, how it works, and how we dealt with it generally. Pretty self-explanitory. I mostly made a whole section for it for the purpose of refreshing my own knowledge, adding some info i didn’t know and in case I ever wanted to share my journal with a friend for reading.

3. “Previous Practices and the Advancements Following”. Now this part was pretty broad but here i focused on research of nunnerys and monasteries being very important for how we know medicine was done at the time because these places were very good at archiving everything in the medieval period. I would STRONGLY reccomend you look into it even if you dont want to write about monasteries and herbalism in regards to medieval medicine because it’s very fascinating!

Since i would like to LARP and roleplay as a doctor in the future, i also included information on medieval and rennaissance medical surgery, botany, and barber-surgeon battlefield surgical practices.

4. “The Beaked Men”. I actually just approached the actual topic of plague doctors and researching even more into them, mostly including information i didn’t know and keeping the info i DID know kind of brief.

After this i will be doing research on remedies, dishes, herbs and other things- labelling which ones are products of their era or things i could incorporate in my day-to-day. I may include things that I use for myself and archive the results.

Not all journals should follow this structure, of course. This is just something that I did for myself and i like to have a lot of heavy historical context into “why” things the way they were and why we did them. If you want to make a plaguecore journal, you can do whatever seems appropriate.

You can do roleplay, you can use it specifically for larping immersion, you can write about your garden or your observations in nature or you can include information about herbs and ingredients you like/would like to use.

Just thought i’d share for anyone curious 8^)

[stabbingandorbeingstabbed]

big tw for eating habits and food stuff but!!! i am awake before noon had avocado toast with everything bagel seasoning for breakfast and now i'm having coffee with oat milk and a cigarette before i work out for like 45 minutes vs the last few years of my life it was Normal for me to drive thru mcdonald's at 3 am for a Snack of two whole entire mcchickens and to never be out of bed unless i was at work and i am feeling. very proud of myself lmao

[howdy-hd]

i am! going to get sappy for a moment if you please! because a friend of mine's post made me think of something:

thank you to everyone who has ever left kind words for me about my art or otherwise, either in my askbox or in the tags.

i'm sorry if i sound like a broken record with my all caps and my keysmashing. i just literally cannot put into words how good all of you have been for me! i love receiving your asks and i love reading your tags. seeing my art have even a little bit of a positive impact on someone is worth everything in the world to me. when someone says "your art makes me happy", i just like... cannot put into words how nice that feels.

i know i probably sound like i've got my own head up my ass, and the last thing i wanna do is come off as pompous or self-centered. i'm not exactly sure how to talk about receiving praise in a way that is completely free of that implication, so i will just say what comes to mind.

i know someone somewhere might say it's unhealthy to have parasocial relationships and notes and comments and such impact your mind in such a way. and i recognize that there's a lot of you i don't know at all beyond what i see on your blogs! but i feel like your words have really put the wind in my sails these past few weeks. i'm getting more done at work and at home and it's generally been easier to wake up in the morning lol. I feel like you all are such a positive impact on my life. i feel like i'm doing something good for someone, and that i'm competent at something, which i guess is helping me to feel like i'm able to be competent at other things.

i dunno. maybe that frame of mind is dangerous and i shouldn't rely on it too much. but whatever. i just wanted to let you all know how much i appreciate you and all the kindness i've been shown here lately. normally my blog is pretty quiet and you all have made it so much fun.

[thewhirlwind]

I slept all day but I put a down payment on a baby bird a few days ago and the breeder sent me an update today that it’s a girl! And also a picture that I need to share with everyone before I try to do some drafts.

[kissingarthurclaus]

Took a little break from comms to doodle my SCP self insert idea! 💕💕💕 @atomic-shipping @snagg-ships @yamiselfships @spectrumselfshipping @space-sweetheart (I hope it's not annoying to tag you guys ahdjfk 😂)

SCP-6315 AKA; the No-Eyed Girl, was discovered by a family in northern California sleeping in the attic of their inherited vintage home! She's mostly me but with black voids for eyes, fangs, and superhuman strength. So basically my idealized self! She's very friendly and cooperative with SCP personnel and has an aura that has a calming effect on everyone she encounters, making her especially helpful when dealing with the more violent SCPs.

On the flipside, when she's in distress and cries she does harm to those around her stretching within about a 30 foot radius! Those affected will begin to experience organ failure and general health deterioration until the crying stops so she has to be kept at least in a state of contentment! And she's gonna hold hands with SCP-049!!!

[s1lentsnip3r-a]

Yall ever suddenly feel like an absolute waste of space that'll never amount to anything? Cuz thats me right now.