#i would never publicly share someone's personal things without permission

[mylittleredgirl]

public apology to everyone who dms me and then later sees the exact same thing i said to you in a public post. i promise we are having a real and honest human connection but also i'm trying out my material on you. it’s an unfortunate hazard of ever talking to anyone who thinks they’re a little bit funny. i really am sorry and it will happen again.

[candy-red-river]

WARNING!! ATTENTION TO ALL RANFREN FANS.

RECENTLY THERE HAVE BEEN 3 INDIVIDUALS IN THE COMMUNITY THAT HAVE BEEN CAUSING SEVERE DISTRESS TO THOSE AROUND THEM. WHEN YOU SEE THESE INDIVIDUALS BLOCK, REPORT, OR AVOID THEM.

I REPEAT DO NOT GO AFTER THEM OR HARASS THEM FOR THE SAKE OF EVERYONE INVOLVED.

BELOW ARE SEVERAL COPIED TESTIMONIALS FROM DIFFERENT PEOPLE WHO USED TO INTERACT WITH THESE THREE PROVIDED WITH SCREENSHOTS.

THE DIFFERENT INDIVIDUALS WILL REMAIN ANONYMOUS AND DIFFERENT PEOPLE WILL BE REFERRED TO AS DIFFERENT COLORS FOR THEIR OWN SAKE. TAKE THIS AS YOU WILL.

🚨🚨 IMPORTANT ALARM 🚨🚨

ATTENTION, RANFREN COMMUNITY ON TUMBLR! PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THESE IMPORTANT ALERTS ABOUT INDIVIDUALS TO AVOID:

KITTYGIRLCARPET (carpetkittie) RATMISCHEFINPROCESS SEBASTIANTHEHUMAN.

FOR THE SAFETY OF OUR COMMUNITY, PLEASE BE VIGILANT AND TAKE CARE IN WHO YOU INTERACT WITH ONLINE. STAY SAFE AND PROTECT YOURSELVES! ⚠️📢

I will add the reasons why in the following…

First and foremost, I want you to be aware that several individuals have been persistently targeting me for absolutely ridiculous reasons!!!! Despite not doing anything to provoke them, they've been quite unkind and even extend their hostility to others within the fandom. This is why I've been noticeably inactive lately, as a result of their relentless attacks!!!

Starting off with Sebastian, during our former friendship he would often purposeful endanger himself even when his friends would tell him not to. For hours. He'd say he wouldn't do it but would go claim to do that thing anyway. He would also talk heavily sexually when I and him were with other friends despite being 14 (he told me and someone else he was 15) his made me, as an older teen and new adult, VERY uncomfortable. I tried to ignore it and laugh it off.

He would repeatedly lie to us about everything, and played coy whenever we were suspicious. Recently he admitted to harrassing us in private via tumblrs anonymous asks. After we realised what he'd done he had threatened suicide on his instagram, and would immediately go back to using discord the next day.

Sebastian has been spreading lies abt his ex under the age of 13, while he is 14, calling them a groomer and such, a manipulator, spreading their personal vents/rants without permission, etc. Those were all lies, his ex was doing nothing he said. Even when his ex’s status on disc had nothing to do with love or relationships, Sebastian would change his status to pretend he had a boyfriend, to quote on quote, ‘make them jealous’. Sebastian has been obsessing over (censored), going as far to harass his friends, carve his name into his chest and show him, lie abt his age to get closer, then play the victim once confronted. Randal would give Sebastian compliments, which Sebastian would take way out of context, often making lewd and inappropriate comments in response unprompted. He exaggerates Randal’s words, making it seem that they were genuinely flirting or in love. While joking flirting was not unheard of, they were not genuine feelings. Randal had stated several times that he had no romantic/sexual/etc feelings towards Sebastian in any way. When Randal confronted Sebastian, mainly his only responses were “I don’t know what you’re talking about”, no apology, nothing, just feigning innocence. Along with those two things, Sebastian has been sharing his friends personal info, as well as publicly suicide baiting on Instagram stories. He has been saying multiple times that he has “been shoved into a hospital” and/or “actually killing himself tonight”. A final thing he did quite often was make many comments about how “Incel’s are hot” or that he was purposefully going to get groomed, most definitely for sympathy and attention. Also for attention, he would act overly sexual, making random sexual comments unprompted. He is a manipulative liar, he never defends himself, because he can't.

Before reading this, please know I have really bad memory, so I might have skipped over or watered down things Sebastian did, so please bare with me,

Back when I was 12, Sebastian had groomed me for months when him and I dated (and he now refuses it despite me having proof), he also was racist and tries to defend himself over it by saying "it was a dream" which doesnt make things any better. He also frequently spoke about sexual topics and even sent me a list of things he was into despite me telling him I didn't like talking about that stuff considering my age, also considering the fact I was recovering from something disgusting my stepdad did to me a few days prior, which I told him about. He also had shared stuff about my personal life (my hypersexuality, intrusive thoughts, vents, and probably more things I'm not aware of.)

When I broke up with him for the first time because our age gap made me slightly uncomfortable considering I wasn't considered a teen, also because he made me feel like shit and he was already a horrible person for things he did that I explaiend above. Afterwards he made hints that he would be killing himself, he also obsessed HEAVILY over me and manipulated me until we dated again. This time, he treated me as if I was some sort of secret which made me feel horrible because he KNEW our relationship would be heavily frowned upon for two reasons, one being that hes 14, i was 12. and two, people hated his guts and i promised those people I wouldn't go back to him.

He did a lot of things on calls that I can't provide proof for because I'm 99% sure he was taking precautions just in case I left him again. I WILL be mentioning it but they'll just be considered allegations as I can't provide proper proof. We broke up a final time after a month because he kept ignoring me for hours and made me feel like shit because he met new people and I suddenly became irrelevant.

He also liked to make fun of my overuse on painkillers, and constantly called me a "druggie" which only made things worse on my end. He also never shut up about me claiming I ruined his life, I manipulated him, and he was the victim despite me getting groomed by him.

He made me isolate myself from all my friends (irl and online) so he could be the only one in my life, he did this subtly by saying "I don't like your friends blah blah blah" and gaslighted me into believing I hate them. He also liked to flaunt what he did to me because he got away with it, he also admitted he didnt feel sorry for a single thing he did to me. For whatever reason he also faked having a boyfriend to try and make me jealous (which never worked.)

I'm sure theres a lot more things he did, but I'm having a hard time remembering

I have things about Sebastian and it’s just him sending me a mean anonymous question + him telling me about how Randal thinks that he’s the one sending mean anonymous questions so I can write a message about that ? But I’d also like to stay anonymous because I don’t want to be associated with that,, ( ;´ - `;)

The next person to be spoken of is kitty carpet.

The person who kins kitty carpet has been an on and off bother for me and my friends for months now. She would occasionally come up again to insinuate drama, going after my friend and people adjacent to him online. She has also been dating and interacting with people way too young for those such as cherrycon. She gets angry at proshippers but is a self proclaimed "necrophile", who loves talking about how writing dark content is ok while being against it making her morals unclear.

Kitty has a contentious reputation. She inserted herself into a drama not involving her aggressively harassed someone for no reason, causing them to delete their Tumblr account. She's dated a younger person, age 14 while being 17, and spreads malicious rumors about those who reject her advances. Not only did she label a 13 year old as her “master,” but she also resorted to misogynistic name calling a friend of mine.

My experience with Kitty is pretty limited because when I was active in the Ranfren fandom she had me blocked. Not exactly sure why since I had never interacted with her once. Her ex-boyfriend (I forgot his name but his URL was 'Rabiesivory' I think at the time) and I were mutuals. When he had first followed me, I had "MINORS DNI" in both my bio and pinned post. Since he followed me and was reblogging content marked with the "18+ content filter" I had assumed he was of age (he probably lied about his age while registering so he could have access to 18+ posts). I later found out that he was a minor (14 years old), and I ended up blocking him due to this. I was unaware that he was a child because he was not forthcoming with his age. Later on, someone had informed me that Kitty had just turned 17/18 (I forget which one it was but IIRC she is actually 18 IRL) and was still dating this 14 year old boy. My main issue with Kitty is that she is a massive hypocrite and tries to constantly manufacture drama. She has accused me of things I did not do, and has tried to send her friends and followers to harass me. She also is a self-identified necrophile, and has posted about supporting illegal/immoral paraphilias & being a proshipper while simultaneously saying she "hates proshippers" and "doesn't want them to interact with [her]". She has also repeatedly made romantic advances towards non-consenting people. Kitty is a very dangerous person in the fandom, mostly because of her hypocritical nature & her insatiable thirst for drama. I would recommend avoiding her and people she associates with, because from my own experiences she will try to start drama with anyone and everyone over small, irrelevant things. She is also not above lying about things to make others look bad. I especially want to warn any minors in the fandom of her behavior since she is a known groomer and potential abuser.

This section was short, however most of the people above have the same problem with her.

Final one is Michael, this is the shortest section as most people don't know him very well.

My experience with Michael

Michael who was once a friend of my friend or is still a friend, I’m not sure…consistently harassed me and spoke poorly about me. He repeatedly called me a derogatory term because I wasn't online for a day. Even after my friend forgave me he refused to move past the situation, even though it wasn't a serious issue. He has connections with a lot of problematic individuals involved in the entire situation.

Well for starters He seems to enjoy mentioning how my parents like him better than me a lot, for no reason either, its something he likes to brag about a lot which has always annoyed me. In his pinned post where it says he has untreated bpd is a lie, he’s never gotten a diagnosis with bpd, he also shares things that no one needs to know, for example he’s stomped out a little toad before and wouldnt stop talking about it for a week like if it was the best thing he’s ever done.

Warning for transphobia below.

Green has informed me that minors can not be diagnosed with bpd due to puberty and hormonal changes.

I tried to get all of the relevant screenshots down, to avoid stress and harassment I will not be responding to any questions (maybe).

Please do not harass or go after anyone meantioned. Block and report.

[aronarchy]

person on twitter:

You shouldn’t put your kids’ private info (including details of their personal lives) or faces/pictures online until they both are old enough to be fully informed about all of the risks of being online and, while being informed of those risks, consent to you doing that. 😁

Once you put your kids online, you can never fully take that stuff offline. If they grow up and decide that anything you chose to share about them isn’t something they want to be publicly available for literally everyone on the planet, they have no choice. You took it from them.

We say “the internet is forever” for a reason. Even if you delete all the posts, you can never fully erase them. All the time that the posts were up doesn’t just disappear, either, so it’s already affected them. No other permanently life-altering decision is treated so casually.

Kids have a right to privacy and autonomy. If you care about them you will protect that right, even when it’s boring or inconvenient to do so.

As for sharing anonymized info about your kids online without their fully informed consent: it isn’t actually anonymous if too many details are shared, if not enough details are altered, or if you aren’t fully anonymized yourself. Also, anonymous stuff can still hurt your kid.

Even if it’s anonymous, if you find out someone publicly posted online about a very sensitive private issue like a mental health crisis or an embarrassing experience, you probably would feel pretty violated. Kids, like you, are people, and have feelings.

There are certain things which are anonymous and innocuous enough that it’s probably fine, like “I made my kid a grilled cheese today and he dropped it on the couch” probably won’t do any damage, but you don’t realize just how immensely careful you must be about that stuff.

Things which to you seem like innocent funny stories might be really hurtful to your kid if you share without permission. If you’re sharing online, you can never take it back—if that hurts your kid, it hurts them for life. Every time you post about them, remember that.

.

there are probably some exceptions and nuance to this but I really think that posting your children online without their consent, whether it be private stories about what they said or did or pictures/video, is a major example of patriarchal youth oppression and dehumanization 🧵

when you think about what parents are posting private details about what kids, it’s usually the disabled kids who have their privacy violated the most, particularly autistic ones

I know so many stories of those kids growing up to be traumatized and horrified as teens/adults

you’ve also probably seen the transphobic/TERF abusive parents who share extremely sensitive and private information about their trans kids without those kids’ consent, often to make public transphobic attacks against them and to reinforce their own oppressive power

I remember one post went viral on here a while back of a 15 year old trans teenager making a reddit post explaining about their TERF mother’s transphobic posts about them, apologizing for the trans kids their mother has hurt and discussing how much it had hurt them to experience.

they mentioned specifically that their internet use was being monitored and so they didn’t have much time to write the post—they did not even have the autonomy to speak about the abuse they endured publicly, to fight back. posting about them was an abuse tactic for their mother.

so, also, was internet surveillance. the oppression of youth is structured so the youth are always being monitored, surveilled—and they are given the least awareness of the world around them possible, caged in to the oppressive environment. this is hugely exemplified online.

the most marginalized kids are made into a dehumanized online spectacle by parents. almost always, when private or sensitive info about a kid goes online without their consent, it’s “look how disabled/queer/weird this creature is, look how good of a person I am for tolerating it”

or, sometimes it’s not even as polite as that, and it’s more like “do not believe my child or people like them when they tell you anything, believe me and people like us, the people who oppress them”

there is a great investment in discrediting the voices of marginalized youth

again, there are probably exceptions to this, but not as many as people probably think—even if it’s not harmful, informed consent should be required from a child before permanently putting their info or face onto the internet, an irreversible and potentially dangerous thing

the reason it’s so hard to talk about this is that the vast majority of people agree with the patriarchal oppression of children, even if they think they don’t—they laugh at the idea of children having rights and autonomy, of needing their consent to do something to them

[damnfandomproblems]

Below the cut is all of the responses that were in the inbox related to Fandom Problem 3954 and the subsequent asks. These will be all of the ones that were sent as anonymous.

The following ask came in on April 19:

I just want to say I appreciate the DID asks on this blog. It was a nice sanity check for me. One of my friend's kids who is in high school got sucked into it, he started "switching" at 17, and she's getting him to go to therapy to find the source of the problem, but he's apparently really argumentative with the psychologist and keeps insisting he only has DID, for very wrong reasons. Symptoms that don't match any kind of DID I've seen. His mum was really careful to find someone who was familiar with DID, I know she wouldn't send him to someone who doesn't know what they're doing because shes amazingly good with google-fu, so it can't be because the psychologist doesn't know what DID is or how to spot it. For a while the whole thing made me feel a bit crazy because his obviously fake symptoms and onset (?) didn't match how adamant he was that he had DID, I was starting to believe him too. I want to thank the asks for resetting my perspective. He certainly needs help it just isn't going to be help for DID.

Here are the ones from April 17 and they are out of order because of how I added them from the inbox:

1:

I'm in college and know multiple people who are barely even minors anymore who just started faking tourette's out of the blue. One day they just showed up and started doing tics. Obviously fake tics for that reason, also because it's obvious they have a brief "wind up" period before them when they look like they're contemplating just how to pull off tics. They're all neck tics and arm tics too, nothing is ugly or painful. So I can confirm a lot more people are faking these things than people think. Dhar Mann even made a good skit about it because it's such a popular thing for kids (even college age adults who have trouble making connections and getting attention) to do

2:

Oh god this is syscourse

It shows up on my dash once in a blue moon and I never have any idea that the fuck people are taking about. All I know is it has two sides who both despise each other and years of grudges

3:

just wanna say that i'm glad most people here seem to have sensible takes regarding the "DID" boom online

4:

As someone who knows someone who uses a system and has DID, the anon that said they were not responsible for making someone feel safe in the discord server is awful.

That anon makes my blood boil because it literally happened to my friend who has a system. My friend's fictive is part of who they are, and it is them. They have the right to feel uncomfortable when people do strange things with the character the fictive is.

In my friend's case, they had been in that server before the rper had joined. But the server mods decided to take my friend's "character rights" away since they said "technically you aren't rping as the character, so someone else can have them." Would you all agree with the mods in this case?

Y'all saying people with systems who are uncomfortable with how people portray characters that are their fictives should just accept it do not get it.

Would you be okay with someone portraying a real life person in a different way?

Would you be okay with people rping as real people?

If the answer is no to both of these, then y'all should understand why people with fictives feel uncomfortable with people portraying their ficitives in such ways.

5:

Replying to a comment on 714814266546470912: "that doctor literally took videos from their tiktoks without permission" Bruh, first off, someone does not need permission to share something that was posted publicly on a public website. Once you post something to the internet, it's fair game. This is why adults tell you to never put something online unless you want it to be there forever, because once it's up, it's up for good, and people can save it, share it, edit it, however they want. If someone has posted selfies on the internet, someone has probably saved them, for whatever reason, because they thought the pictures were cute, because they're collecting dirt on them, etc, and even if that's not the case, the data will always be there. Maybe it's not pristine ethics to share videos of minors, young adults, etc with mental disorders (not DID, obviously they have something else like factitious disorder), but it's not illegal at all. And if you actually watched the video (which I doubt), you would know the doctor, faculty, etc had covered all legal bases by repeatedly saying they cannot diagnose anyone over the internet or thought videos. Repeatedly. And they were strictly looking at the behaviors which they see regularly in people who fake, behaviors which are a strong indication (but, again for legal reasons, not a guarantee) someone is faking. They said this. You really need to brush up on your knowledge of laws, most of all in medicine, research, studies, etc and actually using nuanced thinking.

6:

Sorry to add to the fire but in my fandom I see LOTS of "traumagenic systems" (DID) who also claim to "support endos". That raises so many red flags too because if someone really did have DID and was well educated on it as a result, they would know how DID really works and they wouldn't in a hundred years support people who are pretending to have something with totally wrong, obvious fake symptoms and consider them "part of the community". I guess it makes it easy to know who to block though?

7:

I want to thank the person who sent 714815628520898560 for sharing that video, I watched it this morning during my shift and it was really insightful!! I learned a lot :)

8:

I’m thinking about Roman genius and Juno spirits, and also of the post made by EarlGrayTay about how the English language struggles with nuance, when it comes to degrees of intensity.

We don’t have a word for something between having some tulpas and having DID, and so people are saying they have the latter even when they don’t clinically qualify. I do think that in most cases people who self diagnose with DID are more likely to be closer to the tulpa end than the disordered end.

Also, as memory stuff is part of it, it’s entirely possible that the apparent excess of people with DID in fandom is because the nature of the internet allows for pseudo-sockpuppeting, with multiple personalities creating different accounts, potentially unaware of what the others, as memory is a big part of the diagnosis

9:

714820580417863680 2% of the world's population as of 2020 is 156 million people.

Say that again, slowly.

156 million people do not have DID.

10:

These asks are wild lol. My thoughts are, fine, maybe "endogenic systems" exist in the context of not being actual DID, but if someone really thinks they can have multiple identities or parts without having trauma to predicate that, well, I hate to say but that's basically a religious belief at that point, and not even remotely related to a medical disorder. The human brain usually has one continuous, cohesive identity. Unless, like someone already mentioned, you experience harrowing trauma in your early childhood. You can call yourself a tulpa, you can call yourself endogenic, you can believe you have fifty fictional introjects, five different Resident Evil characters living in your head, but that doesn't make it science. If you want endogenic systems to exist, call it what it is: a religion. And stop trying to bully and force your way into getting medicine to accept these ridiculous things, because it will never happen

11:

Got diagnosed with did in my 20s. Here’s a thing most of the issues I’ve had with the online system community in general. Also this phone im typing on doesn’t show text cause tumblr so ye spelling mistakes a plenty.

1: the whole community regardless of endo or traumagenic is kinds crap. Came to it for resources on how to manage things like persecutors and understand wtf was up. Covid was a wild time. Therapist officially diagnosed me in 21. Why is this important, cause the whole ass community hted endos or trauma or whatever and all unanimously hated tiktok

2: the whole fictive debate became even more dumb when there were 50 different i ndividaula claiming to be a fictive from genshin. Really weird. Cause the peeps in multiple communities threw a fit making those name close cultures. Personally i think it was due to so many fictives or some blue haired guy?

3: the fact people treated it like fictionkin something i thought i had because yknow issues with dissociation well the fictives got treated more like kinning

4: the biggest thing is the community allowed delusional attachments to become such a common place thing. I get it identity be fucky but its an issue when delusional attachment’s cone into play. Mainly cause most if not all system communities used carrds and tiktok as resources.

5 or 6? Cause phone be fucky: despite claiming to hate endos the community was nothyper critical to self dxing without reseach and minors self dxing. There’s a lotta reasons why it normally os pouring gasoline on a fire.

Finally most system communities are primarily white and it shows cause of how much they prioritize racial relations and closed cultures along with treating introjects like shit.

So the submission about bein a fictive whos tired of people treating em like they’re gonna be identical as the character iscorrect. Rampant problem

12:

Re: all this DID stuff and certain people digging in in the comments to defend what they're doing, I think it's interesting to contemplate not just why people do this for DID delusions, but also for fandom things in general because I think it applies to both (and to keep things a little more on topic, ha). I read a comment recently where someone was talking about personal truths, which are subjective feelings and beliefs, and social truths, which are laws and social constructs. When someone loves themselves and has confidence, they're able to maintain personal truths that may differ from other people without feeling threatened, and they can maintain those personal truths or values. This is what happens when someone has strong feelings about characters, or identifies with a character, but is able to witness people sharing opinions without going to war over them.

On the other hand, people who have insecurities and a lack of self confidence (or worth) will fight to make personal truths into social truths, to make up for that self loathing. They feel they can force society to accept their personal truths to make them feel comfortable, because they can't derive any actual comfort from simply existing with their personal truths that differ so much from social truths. This is what happens when you have, like a lot of confessions lately have mentioned, people bullying others over headcanons, calling them bigots for not sharing a gay ship or something. Or when people have low self-esteem and might be struggling with mental health problems, and are trying desperately to find answers and find self-worth, but have accidentally opted for something that is not a social truth, but a personal truth (believing they have DID when it is very obviously not), and so they fight tooth and nail to make that warped version of DID into something officially recognized. That is the only way they can get validation beyond their bubble. I think it's a growing problem not only because it seems like the world is kinda imploding right now and people need some kind of stability, when personal truths may not suffice for that because of the above issues with self-confidence or insecurities, but also because we've reached the point where kids are growing up without ever NOT having known social media, and they have near-constant access to that social media, which makes for an increasingly bad precedent. Not just for kids, adults with underdeveloped coping strategies are susceptible too.

13:

I'm pleasantly surpirsed by the convo around DID here, because I read the post and was half expecting a horde of endogenic or willowgenic or (word)genic systems to come stampeding in here calling everyone ableists lol, I'm kinda relieved there hasn't been a bunch of that

14:

Honestly laughing at how a word like sysmed exists. Are people "sadmeds" or "anhemeds" for telling someone they're faking depression? Are people "schizomeds" for saying people are faking schizophrenia? This is absurd and it's ao fricking offensive to compare the above to being a transmedicalist.

[minerwarfare-suzuya]

Miles ownership drama timeline, part 4

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

This is the last screenshot I have of him sharing his interactions on Amino from his deleted post. I did try doing more research of Miles on Amino but so far the only thing to know is that he's literally in a majority of Mobox87 amino communities just to hound users over his ownership under the account named "AJ Afton".

So, after going through all that about him. I wanted to approach this issue and speak out about it because I didn't find it okay for someone to be a prick to artists or Mobox87 fans over his ownership. So, I started off with posting these at the peak of this page being a rant blog.

I wasn't going to stop there since Miles took his discourse onto the @moboxcritique blog. He was going off about blocking accounts for making him feel unsafe despite the fact he would be the one harassing minors with no self control on Amino and making a target for people to criticize him or get harassed back for being an asshole. So, I went off on him over his comments.

What I find so disrespectful about this person is that he excuses his actions and acts like he is the victim by saying he has certain conditions that make him react the way he does to entitle himself.

@justcagney responded saying this to his comment. Obviously pointing out that he's playing the victim for sympathy.

Miles is just making the people who have autism or any mental health condition get a bad reputation for his actions online. So I practically had enough of hearing about the dude being a complete scum into an already toxic fanbase having to put up with him.

Now due to the amount of pressure Miles was getting about his ownership and rules. He decided to publicly say that he didn't want Mobox87 to announce him buying OCs from her.

Like I get that you don't want to be announced for supporting her with your money when she sells an original character but doesn't help that you have strict rules about not allowing people to draw OCs you buy especially the fact that now you make your ownership private.

Like all your doing is making it more complicated since what if someone drew that OC and you complained but that person didn't know about it. Wanna know why that would happen?

Cause you fucken decide to be even more petty and privately buy OCs that people won't know about!

So, at this point on i just had enough and made a new approach on how to get the term "fair use" in his fucken head since he was going around complaining that drawing a character he bought is an act against his permission.

I took that shit into consideration against him by bringing section 107 on the copyright law. So, I teased what I was going to be doing on the Moboxcritique blog anonymously but I would go into details with Kevonica about how I was going to call out Miles.

That's when I dropped a mini comic calling out Miles on the Moboxcritique blog's submission box.

This is the original post by me.

This sparked a couple good laughs and everyone agreed to the fact but it did spark an angry response from Miles. I ended up getting the most outrageous and hysterical conversation from him that literally doesn't make any sense for him to "lash" out at me all except that I drew eyelashes on a character that has them already to begin with.

But this argument wouldn't end here. Oh no! This would later go onto another dm argument with him on Instagram.

This argument that kept going would also ignite the rumor that Mobox87 accused me of asking her to be my girlfriend. The reason that is the case is because Miles got in contact with Mobox on Twitter over my mini comic just to spread a lie against me as humiliation and that lie would eventually get SonicCrash (Mobox87 brother) to respond to me in his own mini comic.

Full conversation of that argument posted here🔗

Eventually after this whole issue went down. It ended really quick and people were still very skeptical about Miles apology towards me and were still upset at him since despite all of his efforts of wanting no one to draw his paid OCs. The dude would sell those OCs that he kept bitching about to not have others draw and it's like...

What the actual fuck was the point of complaining you fucken idiot?

It's so baffling that he quickly switches up like that after just selling something that he just bought months or weeks ago prior.

Why in the fuck did you make it such a big deal over it to people who just wanted to draw them?!

You buy so many characters off of Mobox87 and sell them after having a literal break down over slightest thing that is completely harmless.

Just to prove that he buys literally most of Mobox87 OCs. You can check out the faces of nothing blog and his name is brought up the most with whatever OC is on sell.

Part 5

[butmakeitgayblog]

Hello. How are you? I'm talking about art. I haven't received permission from the author yet, and here's why. I have a law in my country that prohibits LGBT propaganda and she is afraid, although I mentioned that this would be for other countries. Something like this. I can send you for personal pleasure. of course they can be on the Internet, but if you just publish it without her knowledge, I think that it will not be right on my part. There was one time when I saw a drawing of her on another person's page, who captioned it like "I was having fun on my break and just did a sketch, what do you think?" theft in its purest form. .I think that every author deserves recognition. therefore, I don’t know how they usually do in such cases, otherwise, you can just enjoy .

Hello hello! Ok I did get your other ask and no I won't share them publicly, they're safe with me, that you can be assured of. I would never break the ethics of sharing another artist's work without their permission

But oh my, they are gorgeous. Wonderful work, she has such a talent for capturing a person's essence even in such an au/fictional depiction. The emotion between them in that last one 🥺, the smirk in the one by the car??? That is Clarke. Just gorgeous. I mean that truly, and I hope you do tell the artist that I think so, from one artist to another. I hope she keeps going and creating and keeps working because her gift is so lovely. Thank you for sharing it with me, and again, please stress that it's not going to be shared from me.

Also, a moot point but it has to be said for what very little it's worth from me, someone who can't do anything to help, I'm so sorry for your guys situation and the danger sharing such beautiful pieces potentially puts you both in. Know that I'm here, only wishing safety and good things for both of you💕

[rpcburnbook]

I really want to understand how y'all handle asking to DM people & why you feel like you need to DM people so fucking often tbh. I have ask to DM because I use my Discord for other things & my DMs are always too busy to track. So I use onsite shippers & the plotting channels in the server. That's what they're there for. How are you all using DMs that you cannot plot or function with another writer unless you have access to those DMs at will, without any permission, constantly? Get real. // honey, i think YOU should get real. onsite shippers barely even exist anymore and in my experience, those posts often get overlooked or are so incredibly vague with their ideas that there's nothing to work with in them. the plotting channel in the server is a mess and stuff gets overlooked or unintentionally ignored and there's several conversations happening at once, so that's not ideal for the majority of the people either. it's funny how you demand permission to talk on social media where your account is very public and publicly accessible to anyone sharing a server with you. that's the real bit here. by joining a server, you've automatically opened yourself up to the possibility of being dmed by anyone in that server. if you don't like that, change your settings and only your discord friends will be able to message you. it takes 3 clicks. next, nobody said they need to dm people often, that's all you. if for example anxiety is a legitimate reason here (either side of the debate), then it shouldn't be limited to a continuous kind of anxiety, even a one-time event should count as valid enough. also, no one in the server is at fault/answering for your dms being busy. that's all on you too, maybe instead of bitching in here and accusing people of things, learn to manage your dms better? i'm sure you can do that. honestly, this part just makes me laugh every time i read it: "How are you all using DMs that you cannot plot or function with another writer unless you have access to those DMs at will, without any permission, constantly? Get real." like, omg, what were you thinking when you wrote this? were you thinking? having access to dms, to a two way conversation, should not require permission from anyone? lmao. seriously, you get real. it's like telling someone they can't have access to a project they worked on with another person at any and all times without asking them first. it's absurd. also, 'at will', 'without any permission' and 'constantly' literally all mean the same thing in this context so idk what you were trying to do there. but honestly. people like you putting up their own warnings are a blessing to the rest of us. i'd never dm you and i would unknowingly spare myself a lot of... you.

~

[waywardsunlight]

This is gonna be long so strap in under the cut. This is not for drama. I'm genuinely frustrated as a friend and someone involved in this situation.

A) The chat messages with Emerald-Entrails-Hunter still exist and we both know what’s in them. Obviously it's Emerald's choice whether or not to share them so I'll try to stick to things that were said publicly. You consistently imply you could be Emerald’s therapist. When Emerald didn’t want to vent to you anymore because they wanted to be respectful and have an even friendship, you discouraged them. Therapists are expected to set boundaries and not have close personal friendships with their clients or their clients friends, and you made it clear that you wanted to act as Emerald's therapist through your messages. The tone and language of therapy speak (boundaries, triggers, I'm sorry my actions hurt you, etc) to try to manipulate Emerald which you also did in your response. The use of those words isn't wrong but the way you used them was manipulative. You posted yourself misusing therapy speak. It’s on your blog.  "I am not like your abuser." Emerald never called you an abuser. You're saying Emerald was making assumptions, which they did when they felt unsafe and thought you were still coming to their home but that was pretty fair given that you were, at the time, implying you still would, but almost everything you say about Emerald is an assumption. This is highly inappropriate. You're still trying to make this conversation about Emerald and not yourself using the guise of being a therapist who knows better than Emerald does about themself. This is misuse of therapy speak:

The language and how you say it is intentional. I'm familiar with semiotics and language. You are making intentional choices using key phrases like "mourned deeply" and talking about how grief is a timeline. Nobody brought this up until we hit our limit with your vague posts (specifically the one that talked about self harm and then how you were going to send a letter to Emerald. Nobody calls "asks" letters. That implies it would've been physical) which we saw through reblogs and were told about by your followers. You assumed Emerald was seeking you out but nobody was, I only found out how many vague posts you made after the final one. An ask still violates Emerald's stated desire not to be contacted, even if it's not a letter. You require that Emerald ask you permission to make a post about the harm you did when you have been speaking about Emerald on your blog for months without response because we all wanted to move on. Emerald and I responding is because this has gone on for months. You're right that you can have a grieving timeline but that is not an excuse to continue posting about and talking about Emerald publicly.

B) "Showing somebody being nice to you is not the own you think it is." = Sorry, I'm not following - I don't understand what you mean here. Could you explain (I don't get the "own" part)? Why did you show Emerald's ask about your cancer? "If you've changed your mind, then ok, it's perfectly valid. But it really sounds like two completely different people who sent me this long ask in Feb, versus the callout post from 12 or so hours ago." Emerald was worried about you. Emerald reaching out after hearing you have cancer was because Emerald doesn't want anyone to be hurt. Also, Emerald says they wanted to hear what you had to say at the time. That didn't give you the right to say stuff about them PUBLICLY on your blog. You know what I mean by "own". It's presented in your post as if you've proven something, that somehow a worried person who found out a former friend had cancer was an excuse to publicly post about them and say that you're going to send them a letter (which, once again, implies a physical item and not an ask or email, not that it matters because it's still scary for someone who is coming to terms with the way you manipulated them).

C) Emerald has been beyond kind in response to you. This is all my opinion, not Emerald's. Emerald gave you a huge advantage by not actually releasing what you said and did to protect you and others. Emerald just wants to be left alone, so stop using manipulative language, stop making excuses, and leave Emerald alone.

D) "I still have the Discord DM chat that's linked to you" could be read as me possibly having something in our DMs for people who don't know/ could sound like a threat if people aren't aware. You may not have intended that but including that is strange to me and I want to make our private convos clear. This is our entire conversation (minus you waving to me) I blocked out your user bc I don't know if that's public.

That's our entire private conversation. We aren't in the same servers anymore so you are not able to contact me through that method and it's the same in reverse. We talked very limitedly in the server we shared. I only found out about this retroactively. We had been on good terms until you did the things that Emerald has been super kind not to share online and probably won't (this is not a threat, no one intends to release anything atm and it wouldn't be my right to do so and you are so lucky you hurt a kind person and not me). Finally, I want to say that you are not the person who gets to "end the saga" or have the final word. The final word belongs to the people you hurt (and admit to hurting). You knew Emerald for a few months, manipulated them and then planned to go to their home before you hurt them, and then when they were upset and called it off, you still tried to reach out to them. When you got cancer, Emerald was worried as a former friend. But repeatedly talking about somebody online, pretending as if they won't or can't find out and then getting upset when you're called out is on you. Emerald was done with you. You pushed it.

I wish you did include screenshots because you use therapy speak language against people to manipulate them. Emerald-Entrails-Hunter is a very nice person who felt awful for you when you got your cancer diagnosis. Showing somebody being nice to you is not the own you think it is. I don’t know if you remember me but we were in the same servers for a while and we thought you were cool but behind the scenes you were manipulative and self centered.

You could just not answer and block me but I will make my own post supporting Emerald if you do. I want to hear a real response from you that doesn’t rely on you using your cancer or mental health to minimize your behavior. I’m disappointed with you.

I aim to be open and honest in this reply.

"you use therapy speak language against people to manipulate them" = Could you tell me how I do this, with some examples? I ask this with an honest tone, not a defensive one. Please don't misinterpret this esp since it's via text here. I want to know when I have slipped up and have hurt others.

Hang on, what do you mean by including screenshots? Do you mean the Discord ones of what happened before I left the server last September? I honestly deleted my Discord DM chat with Emerald a long time ago. I'm sorry.

"Emerald-Entrails-Hunter is a very nice person who felt awful for you when you got your cancer diagnosis." = Look, I believe this and I still do. I can trust that when I received that ask in February, that was the position of her heart.

"Showing somebody being nice to you is not the own you think it is." = Sorry, I'm not following - I don't understand what you mean here. Could you explain (I don't get the "own" part)?

Yes I remember you from the group. We chatted a bit and I still have the Discord DM chat that's linked to you.

"behind the scenes you were manipulative and self centered" = Yes. I was. I didn't bring up my thoughts directly and one-to-one style with the other person who had been involved. It was very wrong of me to get Emerald to do that work for me. I'm very sorry that I knowingly did that. I'm very sorry that when Emerald confronted me about this, I lost my cool and said hurtful words instead of an apology.

I acknowledge that my behaviour was/is very disappointing and I'm very sorry for all the hurt I have caused. If I have missed anything out here, I'm sorry and please bring those things to my attention if you can. I realize that I should separate the cancer and mental health from my actions: I'm sorry and I will do that.

[losthomunculus]

Online Safety Relevant to the Current State of the Internet

On twitter I made a tweet about how online safety lessons in school can be very out of touch but that the advice of people who are familiar with the current internet shouldn't be disregarded. So here's my informal collection of online safety tips

Sources: unrestricted internet access since elementary school (not recommended), being a formerly involuntarily home bound person for several years that amassed way too much online experience

This could possibly hold upsetting reminders to people who had bad experiences online including mentions of grooming and emotional manipulation so please proceed with caution!

Information Sharing

Make an online pseudonym for public profiles and websites.

Don’t feel like you have to list everything about you for the world to see.

Sometimes it’s not a question of “can this information be used to locate and identify me irl?”, but simply “do I want this information publicly available and linked to my online persona?”

Unlike offline, being online leaves a constant trail of who you were accessible at all times. People are constantly growing and changing. Try to limit the information you share so you can ditch that trail and start over if need be.

Sharing information with people you make friends with and trust is a judgement call on your part, but always be on the safe side and be protective of your information.

Start as cautious as possible with online safety. Any risks or judgement calls can come later when you are 1. aware of the risks, 2. ready to address them if they occur, and 3. have gathered plenty of information instead of doing something blindly and hoping for the best.

Do not share your triggers publicly, they can very easily be used against you. Instead use websites with a large amount of filtering options to curate your online experience. If you are going to share them, only do it privately with people you trust.

Importance of Boundaries

It doesn’t matter how mature you are, don’t enter age limited spaces you don’t qualify for. It’s disrespectful to the boundaries of the people who made that space. Boundaries like this exist for the comfort of both sides involved.

Just because you can “handle it” doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Desensitization is not something to brag about.

Venting or making r18 posts as a minor on a public account is VERY dangerous. Intense emotional vulnerability is something manipulators will look for as a way to get to you. The same with sexual jokes to develop your comfort talking about those topics casually and eventually escalating the situation. If you are going to talk about such things please keep that in private conversations with people you trust in your age group.

Note the difference between public and private online space. Tweeting something on a public account is not the same as having a conversation in the cafeteria with your friends.

If an adult tries talking to you about r18, run the other way. Doesn’t matter how cool you are, it says something weird about THEM if they’re willing to talk to a minor about that stuff.

If someone( like 3+ years, honestly depends on how old you are) older than you wouldn't be comfortable saying what they're saying to you in front of other people (like a teacher or guardian), that's suspicious as hell. Run in the other direction.

The younger you are, the more age gaps matter. There's a bigger difference in development between a 13 year old and a 17 year old than there is between a 20 year old and a 24 year old. It helps to try to contextualize it with real people instead of numbers. Instead of thinking "oh just 4 years? that's not that weird" consider "oh. that would be like a freshman (13/14) dating a senior (17/18). yikes."

Be just as wary of people your own age talking about things that make you uncomfortable. Just like irl, sometimes you’ll meet people your age that are hurtful.

Friends complain to each other and talk about their issues, that alone is fine. But when people are doing it without permission, draw a line. When people are making it feel like you’re responsible for maintaining their mental health, you need to draw a line. When it starts to effect your mental health, PLEASE DRAW A LINE! I know it feels like your responsibility sometimes, but it’s not. You cannot be there for others if you’re not taking care of yourself first and foremost.

Don’t be afraid to block people. Even for petty reasons. It’s good to block people. Don’t force yourself to see stuff you don’t want to see.

Being Constantly Online

The 24 hour news cycle is not a good thing to follow 24/7. Taking social responsibility is a good thing, but your brain is NOT built to worry about every issue in the world at once. One strategy I use for staying sane is I try to only check the news once a day, and if something needs more attention to set aside an amount of time I’m going to focus on it before I need to take time to step back.

Touch grass. Not literally, unless you can in which case I highly suggest it, sometimes it’s just good to lay in a field. What I mean is you need to dedicate a good portion of your time to being offline (sleep does not count). What your offline time looks like is going to differ depending on your level of ability, but even if you are house bound it’s important to build some hobbies that don’t rely on the internet. Talking to people offline is also a good goal if possible, even just to your housemates.

Social etiquette greatly differs online and offline and sometimes the reminder that were all just Some People gets lost behind the numbers and the fabricated personas. Keep in mind the difference in how information is shared without forgetting that the fact we are all people remains the same.

Be generous with your etiquette. You will avoid a lot of stress if you conduct yourself with the same politeness you would have in an offline interaction. Master the art of "minding your own business" for your own sake.

Arguments and Competition

As soon as you can, you need to internalize the fact that leaving an argument is not losing.

It is inevitable you will be exposed to many people who disagree with you. Some people only want to argue to rile you up. Sometimes that’s not their intention, but it’s what they’re doing. You do not have to remain in conversation with people, especially if they’re not interested in actually coming to an understanding. Even if they are interested, sometimes they just suck!! Leave!! You can leave!!

On that note, sometimes you are going to get valid criticism and it’s going to hurt. That is part of learning. If someone says you messed up and did something hurtful, take a second to step back from your defensiveness and consider: intent ≠ effect. Apologize, repair what you can, and move forward with the ability to do better in the future. You’re going to mess up every once in awhile, it’s inevitable.

To summarize the past two points: don't waste your time on unnecessary hostility but don't close yourself into an echo chamber either. Debates should be about learning.

Sometimes people are not going to like you. This happens offline too but people tend to be a lot more blunt online. Sometimes people dislike you for no reason or for really petty reasons. That’s not your problem, move on.

Don’t actively seek out people you don’t like or who don’t like you to argue with. Whether or not your side is the “right side” doesn’t matter, it’s going to cause you so much unnecessary stress. Feel free to keep posting your opinions on your own profile but don’t seek out unnecessary conflict.

This is a different type of competition than previously mentioned, but be aware of the danger of comparing yourself to other people. Especially if you’re a creative or student, DO NOT GET SWEPT UP IN THE GRIND CULTURE. It’s more subtle in some places than others, but anytime you see the notion that you should be working yourself to the bone be VERY critical. Also be critical of any online cultures (such as gaming and art communities) that brag about unhealthy habits or act like it’s ~part of the culture~ (ex: all nighters, not taking breaks, getting hurt. Any activity that neglects health to work toward a goal).

Not just grind culture, any community of subculture that shares anti recovery sentiments is a huge red flag. Even if they're joking, it's not worth the risk of internalizing those statements.

Everyone’s social media presence is to some degree doctored because it’s a purposefully selected collection of what they allow you to see. It’s fine to like the persona you see being displayed, but never forget that it is not reflective of the entire person. Everyone online is JUST SOME PERSON. Do not forget that and start holding yourself to a standard you can’t even see every side of.

By posting online you are opening yourself to criticism. Whether or not it’s justified can vary, but either way it’s going to happen. Mute stuff, go private, disable comments, etc if you need to.

Misc Tidbits

these are technically just general info that is also good for offline but I have seen things that make me think people online need the extra reminder.

Learn what cults are, how they recruit, and what they do to their members. I'm not kidding. This is particularly relevant at the moment because of current societal unrest and widespread loneliness. No one is immune to cult propaganda, and not every cult is based on pre established religion or family. Many exist ONLINE and are able to manipulate people without ever meeting face to face. (learn more: Loneliness as a Pandemic: The Dangers of Online Cult

Familiarize yourself with the concept of pseudoscience. Please familiarize yourself with the concept of pseudoscience and then learn how to identify pseudoscience. (learn more: Karl Popper, Science, & Pseudoscience: Crash Course Philosophy #8)

Q. How do I know if a source is reliable?

Final Thoughts

It's important people of ALL ages learn these lessons, because the internet is constantly changing and we are all vulnerable when in the presence of other people.

Be cautious and stay safe

[statementlou]

would you be willing to elaborate more on this post and your tags? i’m interested to hear your thoughts on this!

OH BOY WOULD I (apparently-- this is so long😭) There are 3 things here: the article quoted in the post, my tags about that, and OPs comments on the article. My tags are about the fact that I honestly felt baffled by what the article of the author was saying, like what the heck do they see as the link between fans saying Harry is gay and Harry playing a gay man in My Policeman, why are they connecting those dots? Are they saying that he chose the role (as it kind of feels like they are) in order to further a sinister agenda of pretending to be queer to keep/gain fans? Or are they simply saying that people who think he's gay will see the role as further evidence of that or something? The OP of the post addresses the fact that the author's weird and confusing takes wouldn't be possible without the idea that a person can queerbait, and disputes that, which I agree with. They point out that this writer (despite being a gay man) apparently believes that closeting is just a personal discomfort issue rather than a necessity for many, rather than something done because systemic discrimination against queer people does in fact still exist. In the next line of the article (not pictured in the post) he speculates that Harry's character in MP "might have thrived in the more permissive era that gave us Styles in a sequined jumpsuit," which seems to confirm that they don't understand that this discrimination still exists (and that the whole point of the movie and Harry's casting in it and just…everything… sailed well over their head), because they apparently simply never considered the possibility that Harry might be doing things associated with being queer because he might, maybe, possibly …be queer?! But instead they go straight to assuming he is "queerbaiting." Which he is not.

Queerbaiting is when the writers of a fictional property lure in queer fans with promises of a product that they have no intention of delivering. Period. But some people see Harry that way! They cast him in the same light as a TV show that can be scripted to fulfill an agenda, saying he's been waving flags, he's dangled promises of a coming out and if he doesn't deliver we have the right to be angry. But unlike a TV show character, his life is REAL and is his own and he owes us only what he actually has sold us; a CD or entry to a show, yes, but not to control the content thereof- he himself IS NOT THE PRODUCT.

But more importantly to me, why do we worry so much about this? Why the panic that someone publicly perceived as straight is "appropriating" queer culture? I do not believe that queerness is a finite commodity to be hoarded, is a territory to be defended or a country club to keep out the rabble; queerness is a gospel to spread. It is a gift that should be freely available to everyone, a door to open, an invitation to liberation to be shared.

As Harry said, we're all a little bit gay aren't we? and as fictional!Louis in one of my favorite fics said, except people who are all the way gay, and as the tumblr post says, wishing you were a lesbian is a symptom of being one; people who are knocking at the doors of gatekept queerness wanting to come in and try out some parts of it… are they straight/cis? Who are we to say so? Seems to me that a desire to act otherwise is in itself enough, is a strong indicator that they are not and the proper response would be to embrace them and celebrate their arrival, to treat them like someone who has escaped oppression and made it across a perilous border to the side of freedom, to join our (demilitarized) ranks. Do we want to be the enforcers of hetereonormativity by insisting that only we special few who have somehow passed the trials and proven ourselves worthy (to who? who gets to decide?) get to occupy the beautiful autonomous zone of queerness, do we want to push everyone else back inside the prison of gender policing and labeling and rules of how they can behave if they show signs of stepping out of line, or do we want to destroy the very idea of that boundary in favor of freedom for everyone? I am not a cop to police the boundaries of queerness, to turn people away at the border, to tell them they aren't enough, to demand they present their most private desires to be judged for validity.

I don't want to mirror the exclusionary scarcity mentality of those who are afraid, I want us to be the ones who show that something else is possible. For there to be more queerness in the world, more freedom, more options than most people in the past or present had and have. Harry has more options and freedom than his MP character had (simply by having money if nothing else), but he still faces difficult choices; the fight is not yet won and if we act like the oppressors, if we choose scarcity over abundance, it never will be. The gates will simply crack to let a few privileged people through and they (like the well off American white cis male writer of that article) will continue to uphold the oppressive norms of a homophobic society, because they are acting from a place of scarcity and gatekeeping. I believe we can do better.

[rainbowsky]

The Importance of CPN

I have seen an uptick lately in people posting claims about GG and DD without labeling them as CPN, both here and on Twitter. I think now's a good time to remind everyone about the importance of CPN.

Why do we label things as CPN?

Because very little in this fandom is a known fact. No matter what your 'friend' tells you who claims to have 'insider info', no matter what people repeat and repeat until it's practically accepted fandom canon, no matter what seems to be 'proof' but might be misunderstood or even misrepresented.

Because what we say to other people matters. Not just because of what it will make people believe as fact about GGDD, but more importantly because of how our words can shape other people's ideas about what is acceptable fan behavior. It's irresponsible not to label things as CPN because it normalizes the idea that we should just blithely all seek and share private info about GGDD, or else make opinionated claims about them that can be taken by others as fact.

Because very often people use 'insider information' claims to plant stories that are harmful to GG and DD and/or to BXG.

Because we should be protecting them and protecting the fandom to the best of our abilities. These are real people, and there are real consequences to what we do and say as fans.

Everything we do should be done with the utmost respect for GG and DD. Should aim to protect them.

I've said this a lot in the past, but I urge everyone to be ultra skeptical - even suspicious - of anyone claiming to have 'insider info' about GG and DD. Because they are almost certainly lying or else repeating lies. And that's 'best case scenario'. The 'worst case scenario' is that they actually DO have that info, and they got it by invading the privacy of GGDD via shishengs (stalkers) who hunt GG and DD like animals and repeatedly endanger them and invade their privacy.

Even if they were to obtain this type of information through some far-fetched - but conveniently secret - 'legitimate' means, they would not have permission or right to share it publicly. The fact that they are sharing it proves that they did not obtain it through legitimate means, or else it is a lie.

The vastly greater likelihood is that they are lying to get clicks and clout, or else they have been sucked into what liars are saying, and are repeating those lies as facts.

Be careful about trusting people who will lie to you like that, or who are so unscrupulous as to parrot other people's lies. These are people who are taking advantage of BXG, taking advantage of our appetite for information and certainty. They are telling us what they think we want to hear so that we'll think they're something they're not.

To the best of our ability as fans I urge everyone to surround ourselves with people who truly have GGDD's best interests at heart, and who also have our best interests at heart. It might be tempting to buy into someone's claims of knowing things they can't possibly know, but please use good judgment and recognize how ridiculous that idea is.

It's understandable that sometimes we'll get carried away and forget to label things CPN, and if that ever happens we should correct it and move on. But we should especially never claim something is a fact, when we don't know for 100% that it's a fact (and no, someone telling you 'it's a fact' isn't proof).

If I ever forget to label something as CPN, please let me know (gently, kindly, as we always should be with each other) and I will correct it. And if you see people out there in the wilds claiming insider knowledge of personal details of GG and DD's lives, let me be really clear: there is no scenario where that isn't ultra shady, and there is no scenario where that isn't harmful to GG and DD and to the fandom.

We should consider our responses accordingly (and in a non-warlike manner).

[abschaumno1]

On fandom, shipping and boundaries

Since I have seen a lot of talk about boundaries and shipping over the last couple days, and because that has led to me doing a lot of thinking on it/ I just wanted to share my few cents on the topic.

For those who haven’t seen me talk about this before I should probably mention that I’ve been in fandom for over ten years and in RPF spaces for six years now. So that’s the background that informs my opinions.

So let’s get into this.

Most of the arguments I see center around the opinion that we as fans need consent from content creators to essentially do anything in fandom. Which is right where it starts for me to be honest.

Fandom is and has always been a subculture where fans of a thing meet and exchange their ideas and create art and fic and all sorts of other transformative works for each other. Emphasis on “for each other”.

As a fan I am in fandom spaces to talk to other people who like the same things I do, and I am in fandom spaces to share with other fans what I create based on the things we like (fanfic in my personal case).

Over the past ten years I have watched the increasing shift towards where fandom is more out in the open, and where fans apparently feel like they can and should approach creators with the things they used to share in fandom circles. Obviously some creators have made it clear that they don’t have a problem with that, have actively encouraged it, or admitted to seeking it out to some extend. I think the most famous example for this is probably Bryan Fuller and his enthusiasm about Hannibal fandom in general and Hannigram fanworks in particular, or Mads Mikkelsen, who to my knowledge has publicly admitted to reading (and liking) explicit Hannigram fic. They made that decision for themselves and I think that’s great for them.

Now here’s also the heart of the issue for me. Because I am a very strong believer in the fourth wall, meaning that there is fandom and then there is the spaces where we get to interact with the creators (cons, more recently social media accounts), and yes, sometimes those things intersect, but that does not mean the fourth wall is and should be disregarded.

Shipping especially (since that’s the reason I am writing this post) is a subset of fandom. Not everyone in fandom ships; not everyone in fandom wants to ship. And that’s completely fine. We’re all here to have fun and we all look for different things from what we do in fandom. But at no point does that entitle any of us to demand others to cater to what we personally want from fandom. And at no point does any of this mean we should feel like we have to ask for permission to do the things we do.

Fandom is not just transformative, it is transgressive. Modern fandom, especially modern slash fandom got popularised by women writing queer content about Star Trek in the 1970s (the first published slash story was published in a zine in 1974). And yes, there are cases where I would argue for being publicly transgressive, but I do not think that this should apply to fandom, and being transgressive means that I can and will do things without regard to what any creator wants me to do.

And this is where we go back to the fourth wall and the question of boundaries. I have seen a trend in Hermitcraft fandom specifically where people approach content creators to ask them what their boundaries are and compile lists of who is fine with what. And that in itself crosses a boundary for me.

See one of the most important things I learned in fandom in general, and in Hockey RPF specifically is that the fourth wall is one of the most important boundaries we have in fandom. Shipping is for us. Not for the creators or the professionals involved. And I will be honest with you, none of the shippers I know in Hermitcraft fandom actively share their shippy stuff with creators. In fact, a lot of them feel uncomfortable at the mere suggestion that any of the Hermits could read or see their shipping content.

Asking the Hermits (and other content creators) what they think about shipping and whether they are okay with it is crossing that boundary, and in my personal opinion it shows a disregard for the content creators these “fans” presumably care about. If you actually want to respect them, just keep that stuff away from them. They are adults, if they happen to find it they can decide to ignore it. And if they decide not to ignore it then that is their own decision. A decision they can make for themselves, because once again, they are adults.

But people will use even ambiguous statements or non-statements and twist them to mean what they think they should mean and then go and harass people who kept this content to their own circles and sharing it with others who want to see it and try to tell them what they can and cannot do. They will tell you “I don’t speak for them” and then tell you that the only way to read a statement is their way. The moment you take an ambiguous statement or a statement that has never been made and say "this means that" without letting the person in question clarify, you are attempting to speak for them. And no, this does not mean I want people to ask the Hermits for clarification. I want people to not bring this up with the Hermits at all

And I have seen the concept of consent being brought up in this context and I am just going to say it: The concept of consent does not apply here.

The concept of consent as used by anti-shippers and yes, also shippers insistent on respecting these boundaries, whether they are correctly interpreted or not, is the concept of consent we apply to s*xual encounters. And that concept does not apply here. At all.

Consent as applied to s*xual encounters is a legal tool used to determine whether an encounter was unconsensual and thus breaking the law, or not.

I have seen an analogy being thrown around where creating shipping content without being told by the person you create it about that they are okay with it is the same as walking up to a stranger and holding their hand without asking if they are okay with it.

This analogy is false.

A more fitting analogy would be this: You see a stranger and you would like to hold their hand. You walk up to them to ask if you can, potentially making them feel uncomfortable. This is what people asking Hermits about whether they are okay with shipping are doing.

Or you could quietly draw art of yourself holding the stranger's hands or write about it, and not show it to them, meaning they will never know, which has literally no effect on them whatsoever. This is what shippers are already doing.

We all have fantasies. It's human to have fantasies. There is nothing wrong with that. The moment this becomes an issue is when we ignore the boundaries of the objects of our fantasies and tell them about them unsolicited.

Another thing I want to make abundantly clear here is the following: The Hermits are not your friends.

They may be accessible online and they may even talk to fans online, but they are not our friends. We know as much as they are willing to share publicly. Nothing more and nothing less. What we know about and of them is a public persona. And yes, that persona may or may not include aspects of their real personalities, but at the end of the day they are effectively strangers.

Accessibility online does not mean we are entitled to cross boundaries we would not cross in real life either. And someone talking to you about something unrelated does not make you entitled to ask them frankly invasive questions about things they might not have encountered or put much thought into without you asking those questions.

Furthermore, I would like us all to remember what happened when ZombieCleo came out and told anti-shippers that they should stop harassing shippers. This fandom has a history and considering that history, I am not surprised when Hermits give ambiguous statements or try to avoid saying anything, even ignoring for a moment that it's invasive. If I had witnessed people bully my friend and that same community is now asking me to state my opinion on the same issue I would think twice about how to reply. Especially if I rely on that same community for part of my income.

This is a lot of text already and I could probably find more to say but I'll wrap it up here. If you have any concerns or want to discuss points further my ask box is open. Just don't be an asshole.

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

File Sharing Rules Update

Okay. On the list of things that “goes without saying” when asking someone for their files or favours, dealing with rudeness is not something that I have much patience for... though I do believe that it is fairly reasonable for me to not appreciate anyone having the gall to tell me, and I quote “you're naive/ have no heart at all to share,“ and that “if only you have good heart everyone who follows you will be happy if you can share,” or imply that I am selfish for keeping things to myself. 

Although I do recognize that a number of people have likely followed me for the files I share (in which case thanks, but that’s not necessary? admittedly, i’m not attached to those numbers as I also don’t care about my youtube subscriber count either), I have never once stated that doing so is the intention of my tumblr. The main purpose of my tumblr is to share my translations for Hakuoki because I personally have enjoyed what other people have translated, and that this was my way of giving back to the community despite the fact that my understanding of Japanese is worse than abysmal and how I translate from a language that I mostly had forgotten how to read because of it.

Furthermore, I’ve stated this at least once before, but I am certainly not the most generous person when it comes to sharing files that are not associated with Hakuoki, which is why I take almost no interest in obtaining files that don’t care for. However, even though it is true I have tried helping people obtain files from other fandoms that I’m not interested in (for ones that I do like, I’ve already stated what files I’m willing to share on my stuff that i have list)... that has exclusively been limited to my friends, to people who have helped me with things or have given me permission to use their content, or to those who have offered something that I would be interested in to exchange.

Still, on personal level, I don’t like people complaining about me not giving them things for free as I’ve got some basic principals when it comes to free stuff:

don’t complain about anything that’s free unless it is for something horrible and that actually harms you in some physical or psychological way beyond being an inconvenience;

if you’re so bothered about not having something, go buy it yourself.

Anyway.

While I think of myself as an extremely tolerant person, I know I am not forgiving when it concerns matters that I don’t receive compensation for, or if it’s for something I really do not have to do. I mean, I don’t need to share my files... I don’t need to translate.. and who in the right mind chooses to deal with someone else’s bs if they can simply be ignored? ‘tis one of things I appreciate about online conversations... as you can’t exactly go blocking people when you’re face-to-face with them. 

To that end, I’m writing to explicitly state that if I’m ever on the receiving end of such idiocy again, I’m going to either make it so that people who want my files need to find me on Steam (aka the digital distribution service from Valve, and no, I have absolutely no intention of sharing my username here so gfl finding me there) or Discord (rarely check it, and no i’ve also never publicly shared my discord anywhere though I’m at least findable through certain channels there)... and that anyone who can’t even bother communicating without whining will be blocked. :D

In summary, and to be clear, the following are my rules to keep in mind when asking me about the files I share:

my “bare minimum rule” (only applies to my BD rips)

communication must be done via direct message and not through tumblr’s “ask/ask me anything” function (unless you write about having some extenuating circumstances - as i’m not unsympathetic to that, asks requesting my files will be ignored)

none of my files are to be shared elsewhere or posted online

not bothering with basic common decency will result in being blocked, and I will not be sharing my files with such individuals. 

(well if this really does happen again, that above blurb would only apply to everyone who hasn’t contacted me prior to that happening for files, and not to people i’ve already shared my files with or to those i recognize from the fandoms i share files for.)

[luimagines]

I am not a writer. Nor am I a person who posts stuff online,if at all rarely. But I am capable of typing and I am legally allowed to say that I have won a high school writing contest in my 3rd period English class in Sophomore year.I am still,what they call,VERY RUSTY.Take that as you may,but never in my life have I read an anonymous ask that has made me be burts into a desire to want to write down a bunch of story ideas of a dream that stranger had and then share it to another stranger online, to reply to publicly to about 100 more other strangers online. But none the less I STILL want to share to you sone of my--headcanons??--ideas??--bullshit dream story plotline??--(idk)-- I'll try to keep it limited because i don't want you to end up reading a rant novel-

I like to think that this //reader link? I'll just use y/n as a stand in i guess for this character or reader ??sorry if you dont like it,you can change it if you want?//before meeting The Chain Links *tm,she use to have a lot of problems being a #femaleheroinduringmediaveltimes but not in a way that most might see?I don't believe she would have really care for other people's opinions on the matter because she sees it as something very trivial and people will alway find a reason to look down on you and she also wasn't exactly let off easy for it during her training to be the hero of her kingdom.Even if she didn't want it,she was already destined and chosen for this path regardless of any possible sexist belief anyone had to offer.Her being the destined hero and needing to be strong enough to fight against Ganon was the utmost important thing on the to-do list,So bullshit like that was not accepted and they made sure it was in grain into her brain.

"Don't believe your enemies will ever go easy on you no matter what you are".

Most of the problems she would struggle as female I think ,would be on more on the biological side of things,for example like getting her period but being forced to have to truck though them anyways because she was a hero and it meant that you couldn't just take time off from your responsibilities and duty as Hyrule's saviour "just for some bad cramps" when you have lives to be saving and a world that needs to be protecting.So she would just not show any sign of complaint to the others about it or even let alone tell them about it and it just always seemed like from the outside that she would randomly just get super quiet and little withdrawn for no reason every month or so with a sort of tired/vacant look in their eyes?Anon also mentioned them having more of a military knight background and assuming she had been trained to or at least has lead troops into war/battle before,she could definitely be one of the teams best strategist along side with Warrior Link.I can definitely see them getting closer because of this as they're usually chipping in plans together and coming up with ideas/plans with what the best ways to use everyone on the team's special skills for certain position/roles during possible future battles.But a little bit after the whole "river" scenario i can definitely see legend sort of yell at her like

"wtf you is a girl and did not tell??? eXPLANaTiOn?????" "Because i didn't think it mattered??" "iT DoSe MaTtEr! ThAtS a bIG tHiNg!!"

There would definitely be a bit of an intervention with everyone to talk about the issue from "before". Maybe some what after everyone had gotten redressed and suddenly didn't feel like bathing anymore. After that everyone seem...awkward. No one knew exactly how to continue on with the revelation,so they all just stayed quite.At first she mistook this as a sign that everyone handled it well,she tried to continue business as always.While everyone was packing up to head out,she'd suddenly feel everyone's eyes.... Looking at her. When she turned she everyone just minding their own business.Maybe it was all just in herhead.The rest of the walk seem almost dead quiet.The once cheer mood of chatter was now replaced with an awkward tension filled with only small side glances,little quiet whispering from behind and an inability to look her in the face when she tried chatting with anyone.Is this what it was going to be like from now on?No of course not.They wouldn't let something as trivial as this get in the way of their relationship,right?they were still friends,right?

If you have the ability to but the stories in your head into recorded words then that makes you a writer.

No, I will not take any criticism on this matter.

This is beautifully thought out and it was a joy to read. I had to read it out loud out of fear that I would miss something entirely but I'm glad I did.

I would imagine it to be difficult to be on her period simply because when you're traveling there's no supplies to help out or lessen the situation! No cotton, no pain killers, not a lot of hot water to begin with... And yeah, she wouldn't say anything about it because a soldier wouldn't have the time to take care of it, let alone a hero.

She would also be the most used to blood on her clothes out of the group I think at this point. Just takes it upon her self to clean their clothes because they never seem to be able to get all of it and they don't know what they're doing even if she were to tell them how.

The boys think it's some magic technique but no.... it's just experience.

But the reader here that you mentioned would have had good teachers for burning it into her brain that it doesn't matter what body she has or what other people say because she the hero. She was born for this and there's no pleasing any one anyway. the best way out of this is to do the job and make sure you can get out alive.

What I want of the last paragraph is for her to get a little mad and question what the hell s wrong with everyone and then for someone to reply that it would have been disrespectful to look without direct permission because she would have deserved better than that. Like, they're fine with each other because they all have the same parts so like no big deal, but for them so openly show her themselves, verses her being seen openly.

I think it'll be a mixed bag of them being embarrassed that they were seen and that they saw her.

I think the ones least effected by it would be Wind, Warrior and Hyrule. Hyrule, because there's no like no people in his world so he doesn't have the same perception as the others, verses Wind who would probably be weird in the beginning but promptly not think too much on it because he has a sister at home and would help her bath when she was younger, verses Tetra who has had multiple shirts torn in the middle of battle- so who cares?

I was originally going to put Warrior as one of the most effected but I've played the game.... There are so many female warriors so if they got hit in the boob and needed attention then you take care of it. no questions asked and you move on with your day end of story.

The most effected would probably be Time, Twilight and Sky.

Time and Sky because- holy cow, I have a significant other, what am I going to say if they find out I saw another naked woman? Nothing. That's what. I'm a dead man if they ever find out.

Twilight because he was raised with his respect woman juice for breakfast and would have gladly turned away and oh my god- my mom is not going to like that I just didn't do anything this entire time and she's going to think that I just stared like some degenerate and what do I do now?

I think this is a fun concept and I don't mind exploring it more, but I'm beginning to suspect that I'm going to need a tag for the dream saga aren't I?

[robininthelabyrinth]

Three Gates - on ao3 (for content warnings check Ao3) - on tumblr: pt 1, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5, pt 6, pt 7, pt 8, pt 9

- Chapter 10 -

Everyone did believe that Meng Yao had been robbed in love. It even got to the point that Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen – both somehow taken by surprise by it, he had no idea how, given that it was so obviously the result he was aiming for – spent a great deal of time behind doors trying to make sure Meng Yao didn’t feel bad about it, which was very nice, if unnecessary, of them.

He assured them that he didn’t mind the gossip at all, but, well, if they were offering to spoil him…

More importantly, Wen Ruohan believed it, too, just as he’d hoped, and his belief that Meng Yao belonged to him was shored up to the point of being nigh-unbreakable, just as Meng Yao had intended. His comments on the subject, made in a small break during a Discussion Conference when Nie Mingjue was enduring a lecture from Lan Qiren, were sticky sweet and suffocating and revolting to the point that it tested even Meng Yao’s well-practiced façade.

Interestingly enough, Wen Ruohan didn’t seem to be jealous of the relationship, or even to mind its existence, as Meng Yao would have expected given his now years-long obsession. Unfortunately, he also didn’t stop his usual antics – which probably formed part of the basis for Lan Qiren’s lecture, come to think of it. He seemed to regard it as little more than a childish lark, a passing whim scarcely worth noticing; as if it didn’t matter what Nie Mingjue did because he knew, or thought he knew, how everything would end.

It was, Meng Yao reflected, the sort of thing that would drive a lesser man up the wall with rage.

Wen Ruohan did express a mild curiosity as to how far things between Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen had gone, but luckily was just barely self-aware enough not to ask the supposedly jilted Meng Yao to find out more details for him.

As a result, Meng Yao was able to nod along with his recruitment speech without having to swallow back too much bile.

“You’ve always been very kind to me, Sect Leader Wen,” he said, his voice as sincere as he could make it. “I find that I’m often overlooked, given my status, though of course Sect Leader Nie’s needs must come first…”

“That is not necessarily true,” Wen Ruohan hummed. “You are just as worthy as he, with as many needs; are you not human, too? Why should you be the one overlooked?”

“Qinghe Nie values strength of arms,” Meng Yao demurred. “And mine is – lacking. There can be no comparison.”

“It must be difficult to be somewhere where you don’t fit in,” Wen Ruohan said sympathetically, as if he had any notion of such a thing. “Especially when you know there are places where you would fit in much better, if only you had a chance.”

Meng Yao heaved a sigh. “I have long ago given up hope of – other places,” he said, dropping obvious hints with his body language that the hope was merely dashed, not gone. “One should be content with one’s place.”

“Never be content with anything,” Wen Ruohan told him, his own voice slightly more sincere than usual, and it might be the only honest thing the man had ever said to him. His own personal motto, no doubt. He dropped his hand on Meng Yao’s shoulder. “Perhaps you should make more time for yourself – there are some areas in Qishan where you could go night-hunting to earn some glory, and I think you would find the game there to your liking. Especially, oh, around the end of the month?”

Meng Yao allowed himself a small victorious smile, and let Wen Ruohan think that he had convinced him that he had wanted the recruitment all along – a perfect catch, after years of setting out lures.

“That sounds like an excellent suggestion,” he said, and even meant it. “My skills have grown rusty, staying in the office so much…though I only fear I do not know the way. You know that Sect Leader Nie does not trust me at the border.”

He did, of course, but what would be the point of sending him there? Meng Yao’s skill was in logistics and management; while that was useful in active battle it would be utterly wasted in patrolling their well-armed borders to help pep up morale. But it was easy enough to make it appear to be a slight.

“You are capable of doing anything you put your mind to,” Wen Ruohan said encouragingly. “But you are right in acknowledging limits, and should not fear to turn to – capable guidance, when you find difficulty in finding your own way.”

Meng Yao lowered his eyes, full of triumph – for real, this time. “I am honored that Sect Leader Wen is willing to instruct me.”

Wen Ruohan patted him on the shoulder again, then went off his own way. Meng Yao turned to do the same, and abruptly saw Lan Wangji standing in the distance, looking out a window at the sky; it gave him a start, wondering if the younger man had seen. Hopefully not, or at least he’d hopefully know to keep his mouth shut – Meng Yao would have to go feel him out later.

The work never ended, he thought to himself with a sigh, and returned to Nie Mingjue’s side before his sect leader broke something trying to keep his mouth shut while talking to Lan Xichen’s uncle about righteous conduct, a subject on which the Lan sect seemed to think they had the final say and on which Nie sect principles were wildly and fundamentally different.

(Lan Wangji seemed to act the same as always when Meng Yao talked to him later – which was to say, virtually expressionless except for whatever it was that Lan Xichen claimed he could read in his posture, and still hilariously distractable with news of Wei Wuxian, who he’d met for all of a few months during the lessons in the Cloud Recesses that Nie Huaisang had finally passed – and that was a relief. The less Meng Yao had to think about what he was doing when he wasn’t actively doing it, the better.)

Getting permission – and publicly – to go out night-hunting was easy enough, since Nie Mingjue actively enjoyed slaughtering evil beasts for the good of mankind and thought that everyone else did too; he only needed to casually mention that it had been a while since he’d had time to go out to stretch his legs and Nie Mingjue immediately suggested that he go out on a night-hunt.

Convincing him not to come along with was slightly more difficult, especially when he mentioned that he’d heard some whispers of a demonic presence near the border with Qishan – Wen Ruohan was certainly demonic enough, in Meng Yao’s opinion – but with his position it wasn’t difficult to juggle the paperwork schedule to ensure that there was far, far too much work for Nie Mingjue to accompany him.

Arranging that Lan Xichen come to visit shortly before he left was an extra perk that Meng Yao included for both of them – for himself, getting to spend a wonderful day in the presence of someone infinitely more relaxing than Nie Mingjue, and for Nie Mingjue, getting to spend time on paperwork with someone infinitely more sympathetic than Meng Yao, who truly enjoyed the process of comparing long lists of received goods with each other to see if something was missing.

He’d miss Lan Xichen’s departure due to his night-hunt, but that was good, too – him going off to an atypical night-hunt would be understood by the majority of the cultivation world as a huffy retreat to avoid having to see his former lover and his superior together, and no one would think twice about it.

Once it was all set up, it was only a matter of waiting.

Wen Ruohan was confident in him, Meng Yao knew, and rightfully so: if he’d really been the person he’d been displaying in his presence since childhood, Wen Ruohan’s tricks would have snared him without question. A fool with an endless pit in his heart, greedy for affection and too stupid to be able to realize that no amount of glory would satisfy that greed, cunning but having no heart to see the bigger picture…dumb enough to agree to go meet Wen Ruohan, but smart enough to demand a measure of trust before he did.

A measure of trust – like the guide he’d insisted on.

Like the identify of whoever it was that had been so-cleverly dropping off all those letters, over all those years. Whoever it was had to have a considerable position in the Unclean Realm since the time Lao Nie had been in charge, and corrupted by Wen Ruohan since way back then; someone who had the freedom of the interior parts of the fortress, someone trusted, with good enough martial arts to avoid being spotted even when Meng Yao was specifically looking to identify them.

He’d run some tests and confirmed to his satisfaction that it seemed to be the same person each time, so there was only one high-level spy he needed to be concerned about – there were others, of course, but Meng Yao knew about those, and what he knew he could manage.

Or, well, Nie Zonghui could manage, he supposed. Nie Zonghui was technically the one in charge of managing personnel, or at least he was whenever he wasn’t stuck on some type of body-guarding duty – while they hadn’t shared classes due to the age gap between them, Nie Zonghui being older, Meng Yao knew that they’d had all the same ones, preparing them for much the same role. Between the two of them as advisors, Nie Zonghui was better suited for fighting and advising on situations involving imminent death, and they'd generally divided the work accordingly, but he was more than competent enough at managing spies and Meng Yao had handed the job off to him with great satisfaction. It worked very well.

Well, as long as Nie Zonghui didn’t turn out to be the traitor, anyway.

Meng Yao sincerely hoped he wasn’t. Nie Zonghui’s hobby was learning saber forms, and he spent all his free time on it to the point that he made Nie Mingjue’s training schedule look reasonable – Nie Mingjue was still the more powerful of the two, but only because he had ridiculously high cultivation for someone his age.

(That high cultivation had made his position as sect leader secure and allowed him to earn a name and a title and respect throughout the cultivation world, but Meng Yao wasn’t the only one that worried about how Nie sect cultivators died of qi deviation once they got too powerful. But Nie Mingjue was fairly stable for the moment, despite his rapid advancement, and Lan Xichen had devoted himself to trying to find a way to keep it that way – Meng Yao thought he might allow himself some room to hope.)

It turned out that the traitor wasn’t Nie Zonghui.

It was Wu Bixian, one of the army commanders, which was not quite as bad but only slightly.

Wu Bixian was from a smaller sect very close to Qinghe, a part of the Nie clan by marriage to one of the closer cousins. He was a good warrior, a tolerable commander, and had once had the occasion to save Lao Nie’s life in their youth together – he had been in a position of trust for a long time. He was wealthy, in the way most members of the Nie sect were with the sect’s treasury at their back and night-hunts to their name (Nie Mingjue’s comment as a child that the money ran free and easy once you started night-hunting wasn’t wrong) and he had a good wife, a few children, a saber of his own, moderately strong cultivation that was slowly gaining in strength…He had never shown any interest in acquiring more power than he had, no lust for domination, nothing like that.

He seemed content.

He was one of the ones that made snide comments about Meng Yao’s mother and had initially tried to refuse to take Meng Yao’s orders, even the ones that came straight from Nie Mingjue, until Nie Mingjue had personally told him to cut it out or else accept a demotion in favor of someone who could follow orders, but given how early the letters had started landing on Meng Yao’s desk, his betrayal must have happened far earlier than that incident and could not be the inciting factor.

Meng Yao had no idea what sort of things had Wen Ruohan offered to turn him, but whatever it was, he hoped Wu Bixian had enjoyed it while it lasted because he was going to kill him.

“It is kind of Commander Wu to take time out of his day to assist me,” he murmured, lowering his eyes to hide his rage even as his voice remained sweet and gentle.

“Sect Leader Nie wanted to make sure you were safe,” Wu Bixian said, and for half a second there Meng Yao wondered if it had been some sort of terrible miscommunication because he could see Nie Mingjue doing that, but then Wu Bixian continued, “I thought it would be good for someone like you to have a proper guide to teach you.”

If he had used anything like that language around Nie Mingjue, he wouldn’t have been allowed to come help, and that meant that Wu Bixian was in fact the right contact.

“I will follow in your footsteps,” Meng Yao said, still playing cautious. He saw a smirk steal over the other man’s face, smug and arrogant, and they left without another word between them.

With Commander Wu with him, finding a place to cross the territory line into Qishan without being spotted was easy – and worrisome, of course – and it wasn’t long before they arrived at the forest glade where Wen Ruohan was waiting for them.

His retainers had already set up a place for them to take tea, with him sitting above and them below, and even his traveling chair resembled the throne to which Wen Ruohan believed himself to be entitled.

Before they left the woods, Wu Bixian elbowed Meng Yao in the side, hard. “None of the backtalk you sometimes give Sect Leader Nie,” he instructed. “You ought to count yourself as very lucky that Sect Leader Wen has come himself to meet with you – he puts a high priority on the affairs of Qinghe Nie.”

That meant that Wu Bixian thought himself better than Wen Ruohan’s other spies in other territories, which were probably only good enough to report to a Wen disciple, or maybe Wen Xu if they were especially prominent.

Arrogance was good. Meng Yao could use arrogance.

He knelt in front of Wen Ruohan, giving him the deference he longed for – he’d only ever knelt to Nie Mingjue once, when he’d sworn an oath to him as part of becoming an official disciple of the Nie sect, and it had been outrageously awkward for them both – and Wen Ruohan smiled.

“You made a wise choice,” he said. “Qinghe Nie will not remain standing and independent for much longer. Only those that realize the truth will have a chance to influence the future.”

“Sect Leader Wen’s strength is undeniable,” Meng Yao said, because his mother taught him how to say the words that men wanted to hear. His mother as she used to be, before Sisi came back into her life and made her happy – his mother, who now spent some time being mistress of Qinghe, some time traveling, some time merely visiting other places with Sisi at her side; his mother, who asked him if he was happy with Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen, who accepted his answer and sought to aid him as much as she could; his mother, who loved him, well if not always wisely. “I do not wish to be on a sinking boat when I could join the rising tide.���

There was a bit more of that, mostly mutual ego-stroking and puffery, but finally Wen Ruohan got to the point: “What is it that you want?”

“My rightful inheritance,” Meng Yao said, because it was the safest thing to ask for. He didn’t really care if Wen Ruohan got rid of Jin Guangshan, after all, and Nie Huaisang’s reports hadn’t been especially positive in regards to Jin Zixuan – Wen Ruohan would probably just disinherit him in favor of Meng Yao, and leave him alive to cause Meng Yao too many problems to have time to rebel. And it was much safer than asking for anything else. “The venerable Sect Leader Wen is above such petty matters as gossip, of course, but he undoubtedly already knows…my father…”

“The Jin sect is a pearl of great value,” Wen Ruohan said lazily. “Do you think your service can justify such a reward?”

“I am sure of it,” Meng Yao said, full of confidence.

“And there’s nothing else you want?”

Meng Yao hesitated, having not anticipated that question the way he had others, and Wen Ruohan laughed to see him. “I told you before not to be content,” he said with a smile Meng Yao did not trust. “You have chosen wisely to trust in the power of the sun, and in the heat of its rays, from the ashes of the old ways, too stiff in their rules to change, you will be rewarded with your heart’s desire.”

Meng Yao smiled. “I await your excellency’s benevolence with eagerness, to give me light where I have been blind.”

He bowed and took his leave, heading back to Qinghe with the heads of some fierce corpses to show as the results of his hunt – Wen Ruohan was thoughtful, in some ways – and left Wu Bixian behind to discuss further matters to which Meng Yao was still too new to hear: an excellent people management stratagem to whet Meng Yao’s jealousy of Wu Bixian’s position, while also assuaging any concerns Wu Bixian had regarding his primacy.

The second he was out of sight, he pulled Chiwen out of the qiankun pouch he’d tucked into his sleeve – sabers generally disliked small places like that, but Chiwen had always been extremely understanding of the indignities one had to suffer to achieve greatness – and threw him down, leaping on top of him and hurrying forward at break-neck speed, and even so he only just barely managed to catch Lan Wangji before he disappeared back into the woods.

(He hadn’t realized that Lan Wangji was suspicious at first, despite him having coming willingly to the Unclean Realm alongside Lan Xichen and being even less social than usual; it wasn’t until that very morning, when he’d murmured some denial about having plans for the day – and Lan Wangji always had plans for the day – that Meng Yao had realized that he might need to keep an eye out for a tail.)

Lan Wangji was stiff as a board, his hand already sliding to Bichen on his waist; Meng Yao ignored it.

“You need to go back to the Cloud Recesses,” he said. “As soon as possible.”

Lan Wangji paused. “Why?”

“Because Wen Ruohan is going to burn it down,” Meng Yao said flatly. “The Lan sect doesn’t have the ability to stop him, but if you go now, you can pack away your sect’s most valued treasures and hide them away somewhere safe before they do.”

“Why?” Lan Wangji asked again, still wary, only this time he meant why are you telling me this.

“Because you have to make sure Lan Xichen isn’t there,” Meng Yao said. “He’ll hate it and he’ll fight having to run away with every ounce of will he has, but he can’t be there – or else everything will be so much worse.”

“Sect Leader Wen told you?”

“He all but promised me Lan Xichen as a prize for my cooperation.” Lan Wangji flinched, and Meng Yao nodded grimly. “Make sure he has a safe place to go. The Nie sect will come to your aid, nominally, but the real purpose will be to make it seems as though the Wen sect has defeated two Great Sects in one blow – it will be devastating to the morale of the smaller sects, and convince many of them to just give in to Wen domination rather than fight back...listen, come up with whatever reason you have to in order to convince them, but don't explain where you learned of the information. You understand?”

Lan Wangji nodded slowly. “You plan to spy.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Meng Yao said, because he was far beyond planning at this point. But he knew, as Lan Wangji might not, that the elders of the Lan sect would never listen to Sect Leader Jin's bastard son or Sect Leader Nie's aide, so recently jilted in love - they weren't like Nie Mingjue or Lan Xichen, who would understand. “Listen, empty the Library Pavilion in advance, wait until they’ve started burning the other buildings, and then set fire to it yourself. If you defend it as if it’s full, maybe you can convince the Wen sect that they’ve done more damage than they really have.”

He shook his head – he’d been hoping to have more time, but the winds of war always came more swiftly than hoped. “Good luck, travel fast, and above all tell no one.”

[chris-evans-indian-fanfic]

Love

One-Shot

Description: Asexual!Bucky thinks he is broken beyond repair, until you show him that he has been complete all this while.

Warnings: Angst, bad language, mention of sex toys, romance and fluff

@jtargaryen18 organised a writing challenge for reaching 4k followers and of course I have to participate multiple times! 😍 I am sorry this entry is a little late 🙈

My Main Masterlist

A/N: This is the first time I am writing an asexual character. Whatever I have written is based upon my knowledge that I have gathered by reading various articles and posts on asexuality. The reason I am writing this is because I want to have an equal amount of straight and LGBTQ+ stories in my masterlist, so that there's something for everyone to enjoy. Hence, if you are an asexual person or know someone who is, and you realise that anything in my story is incorrectly represented, then please let me know. I will immediately correct it, issue an apology and accept my mistake publicly. 

I don’t consent to have any of my work published or featured on any third party app, website or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but Tumblr and AO3, it has been reposted without my permission. In that case, please do share the link and let me know.

…

"I cannot fucking believe this!" Karen shouted, "What are you like gay or something?"

Bucky winced at her venomous words. "You need to leave," he said in a quiet, respectful tone.

"Like hell I am going to leave. I want answers!" she placed her hands on her hips and stomped her foot. "What is it? Am I not sexy enough for you? Are you not attracted by this?!" she gestured towards the skimpy lingerie currently hugging her body.

Bucky met her eyes as he responded, "I do not want to have sex with you." 

She huffed, clearly not convinced, "Why not? We have been going out for what, 3 months now? And you still don't want to have sex with me? What is the issue here? Is it-" she paused suddenly, her eyes traveling down his torso to his crotch, "You can't get it up can you?" she sneered.

Bucky shook his head, too exhausted to deal with her, "Karen, it's nothing like that. I just do not want to get physical with you. That's all."

"Oh! Ooooohh!" she bent backwards a bit, "So it was fine to hug me, cuddle with me and hold my hands. But when it comes to sex, you suddenly become a pious celibate saint! What the fuck Bucky?"

Bucky sighed, and handed Karen back her coat, "We are done. Please leave."

She laughed dryly, "Oh abso-fucking-lutely we are done. You know what I think?" she asked while wearing the coat, "I think that you are too old grandpa and that your tiny ass tortured gay dick cannot salute on its own. Because no man in his right mind would deny this," she again pointed to herself. "Super-soldier my ass," she muttered as she left.

The door to his apartment closed with a loud bang, leaving an echo in its wake. Bucky stood still, rooted to his spot. If it were not for the silent tears rolling down his cheeks, anybody could have mistaken him for a statue. 

Slowly, he sat on the floor, his gentle sobs rocking his body as he hugged his knees. 

Decades of torture by the hands of Hydra had left him crippled, physically, mentally and emotionally. When he had been saved by Steve, he had started to piece his life back together, bit by bit. Things such as books, movies, music became tiny jigsaw pieces that slowly filled the void in his life. 

After the final galactic battle with Thanos, Bucky had been officially initiated to the Avengers team, or rather what was left of it. The team soon became an extended family, a family that Bucky was still getting used to. It was especially irksome when Sam and Scott decided to set him up on a date with Karen from Research & Development (R&D), despite his protests.

It wasn't that Bucky didn't desire a relationship. He wanted to be close to someone, experience romance, feel their heartbeat in a close embrace and place light kisses on their forehead. 

But he didn't want to have sex.

At first, he thought he might not have met the right woman. So he searched for porn online, which did little to sway his feelings. He put the issue on a backburner, the safety of the people and the urgency of his missions steering the wheel of his life for a while. 

But when Sam and Scott proudly announced their grand plans for Bucky's date, he remembered his "issue" again. He looked at Karen closely whenever they went on dates together. She looked perfect. Beautiful hair, soft glowing skin, curves in all the right places, all packed in a graceful, slender body.

Bucky liked being close to her, but he was still not getting aroused. Hence, he stopped her advancements everytime she tried to get physical. Karen tolerated it for a while, before her patience wore out tonight.

As the sun rose in the sky, Bucky was still seated on the floor, his cheeks now stained with tears that had stopped sometime in the night, though a sniff escaped from him every few minutes. He looked at the sunlight pouring in from the window, broken by the window-panes, landing at his feet in two rays with a comforting warmth. It was in that moment that Bucky realised, Hydra had truly broken him.

🏳️‍🌈

"We have various types of dildos available. There's The Classic, Textured, Long and Thin, Short and Thick, Vibrators, Transparent Plexiglass Dildos, Strap-Ons, G-Spot Dildos, Double-Ended, Squirting Dildos and ones that also come with a suction grip. Are you looking for yourself or are you looking for something to enjoy with your partner?" the helpful saleswoman asked you.

You stroked your chin in thought, "It's only for me. I already have a vibrator that I bought about a year back. The G-Spot ones have never really worked for me. I am looking to try something new. What is the suction grip one?" 

The attendant handed you the dildo and showed you the suction grip at the end of it, "You can use this to place and stick it on any flat surface you want, whether it's the floor or the wall or the side of your desk. It guarantees a completely hands-free pleasurable experience."

You stuck it on the wall besides the showcase to test the theory. It worked. "Neat! I will take this one," you smiled as the attendant went to fetch a fresh piece.

You paid for your new sex toy and walked back to the Avengers compound with your small white shopping bag in tow.

When you reached your desk, you heard Karen bitching as usual about something to Jessica. At first, you blocked them out like you did almost everyday, but then a name in their conversation caught your attention.

"He's the Winter Soldier alright. He's completely frozen down there," Karen whispered loudly with disgust. 

"Even that red sexy lingerie didn't do anything for him?" Jessica gasped dramatically.

"No!"

"That's crazy! That hot-red piece will convert even the most gayest of the guys! And it didn't do anything for him? Wow," Jessica responded.

Karen added, "You know something? I have always thought he was extremely weird. Like, dude, I know you were tortured by Hydra or whatever, but get over it man! It's been years since he was free. He should enjoy life and stop being such a wimp. I am 100% sure he is impotent."

"You know I was digging into him the other night," Jessica said in a hushed whisper, "and I saw a message board online which suggested that his penis has been completely cut by Hydra. This person knows all such secrets about these alleged superheros. You should follow him."

"What is his username?"

"Proud-Flat-Earther-MotherFuckers. Wait, I will send you the link," Jessica offered. 

Having heard enough of their nonsense, you made your way towards the HR department. Maybe both Karen and Jessica had forgotten, but talking about the personal lives of Avengers was strictly against the rules and was considered as reason enough to fire employees. 

You filed a complaint with the HR and within a few hours, both the women were fired on the spot. You savored the moment with relish, as their faces turned aghast at the realisation that their actions had consequences. You went up to them, watching the pair clean their desks, with unabashed glee. 

"You know something Karen?" you asked her, "Just because a man refuses to have sex, it didn't mean that he's a wimp, or gay or an impotent. But if you do choose to think of him that way, then it surely makes you a sexiest and a homophobic person."

Karen looked at you furiously, "You bitch! I lost my job because you went and blabbed in front of the HR!"

You chuckled at her outburst, "Oh my dearest Karen. Yes I did go and rat you out to the HR. But that's not what got the two of you fired."

"Then what did?" Jessica asked as she joined the conversation. 

You folded your hands for effect, "Your hateful comments and toxic views cost you your jobs. People like you think that just by using the latest iPhone or following the latest trends, you are a modern, 21st century person. But in reality, it is your open mindset which makes you a member of the modern society. If you would open your mind just as much as you open your legs, trust me, the two of you will be much better off."

You turned to leave, but stopped yourself, "Just a suggestion. Stop using words like gay and impotent as insults. It will help you retain your next job for a longer time." You winked at their speechless faces, and happily returned to your desk. 

Your job in R&D was taxing and so, you always found yourself working late. Today was no exception either. As you left your office at around 8pm, you saw Bucky heading towards the elevator which led to his apartment. You always had a soft spot for the brunette super-soldier. For starters, you couldn't even begin to comprehend the tortures he must have endured in his past. And the fact that he was trying to piece his life back together again? It was truly commendable.

He always kept to himself, his eyes downcast and his body language unsure. And after what you had heard today, you felt even more sorry for the guy. Turning towards the cafeteria, you picked up a box of vanilla-strawberry French macarons for him, thanking the heavens above for the free food available at the Avengers compound. You held the white bag with macarons in your left hand, being mindful of not confusing it with the similar white bag in your right which contained your new sex toy. 

A few moments later, you found yourself in front of his apartment. You had visited him twice before to adjust his vibranium arm or to sort out a few tweaks, but never before had you visited him so late in the evening. 

You knocked, feeling a little hesitant as you did so. He was surprised to find you standing on the opposite of the door, however, he still greeted you courteously nonetheless. 

Before you could state your reason for the visit, he said sincerely, "I heard what you did today. Thank you. I really appreciated it."

Now it was your turn to be surprised, "Oh. Ummm. It's okay really Mr Barnes. It was nothing. You don't need to-"

"No. It wasn't just nothing. You could have turned a deaf ear and ignored them. Yet you chose to stand-up for me. Thank you," a small smile laced his face and you melted on the spot.

You had a crush on Bucky. A BIG one. Could anyone blame you? This guy was a hot, sexy mess of an ice-cream sundae that left you hungry for more even on the coldest nights of the year. 

You realised you were staring into his steel-blue eyes like a creep, and immediately cleared your throat. "What-what they did was wrong. Karen had no right to demean you for your desires or lack of them. I-," you sighed, "I am sorry for what she said. It was disrespectful and hurtful. So I brought you something that I hope will cheer you up."

You awkwardly raised your right hand, "I got you some vanilla-strawberry macarons from the cafeteria."

Bucky did cheer up a bit at the mention of his favourite food. He eagerly took the bag with a huge smile, "Thank you," he said once again as you shook your head. "Thank you for everything you do to keep us safe Mr Barnes. I must be on my way now. Goodnight," and with that you left, grinning like an idiot.

🏳️‍🌈

You took a bath, ate your dinner and slipped into comfortable pyjamas. Excited to try your new sex toy tonight, you unpacked the bag expecting to see the nondescript box of the dildo. Instead, 5 delicious macarons stared back at you with innocence. 

You stumbled backwards in shock, the impact of your action settling like a dull, heavy weight in your stomach. "Oh no no no no," you whispered, horrified.

You immediately rushed to your window and pulled aside the curtain to look at Bucky's building, as if expecting to see him staring daggers at you. One of the privileges of working with the Avengers? You got to stay in a nice apartment within the compound itself. Your residential complex was a little further away from the main building, covered easily by 15 minutes of walking. 

Feeling hyper, you frantically searched for a coat and almost ran out of your house. You rushed back in to keep the box in the bag and again, dashed towards the elevator. 

Hoping that Bucky would have yet to open the box, you sent a silent prayer to all the gods and goddesses in the skies above, even Thor. Meh, you never know when an ex-Avenger could be of help.

You sprinted towards the other building, a multitude of thoughts clouding your mind- What if he was offended by it? Would he file a complaint against me? It would be sorta ironic if I was fired for this! Shit he would think my apology was false and I am probably mocking him.

You reached his apartment, a panting, huffing mess of a person. You knocked frantically, his door shaking with force at your desperation. However, you jumped as Bucky whispered your name from behind you, "Are you okay? What's going on?" he asked with concern as you turned around to face him.

"Did-did you op-open the bo-ox?" you questioned him while panting like a dog. 

He furrowed his brows in response, "No I was planning to open it in a few minutes. Please tell me what's going on. Why do you look so scared?"

You bent over double, your stomach cramping thanks to your impromptu running, "Thi-this is your bag," you held up the package, "That ba-bag is mine."

"Okay," Bucky said slowly, still unsure of your behaviour, "Should I open the door to retrieve your bag?"

You nodded as he stepped aside, "Why are you not wearing any shoes?"

You looked down at your feet at his query, small blades of grass had stuck to your naked feet along with dirt. "I was in a hur-hurry to get to you," you managed to say between your breaths.

Bucky just nodded in response. It was then that you noticed the pack of paper tissues in his hand. He opened the door and stepped inside, beckoning you to follow him. He pointed to the white bag kept on the table while he looked at it with worry. "Will it explode?" he solicited.

"Uhh no," you replied awkwardly.

"Is it dangerous?" curiosity etched on Bucky's face as you swapped the bags.

"No, it's nothing like that," you looked down at your feet, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks with embarrassment.

He narrowed his eyes, "Then what is it?"

"I can't tell you," you quietly admitted, "but here are your macarons. I am really sorry for this. Didn't mean to disturb you from whatever you had planned," you pointed to the box of tissues still in his hand. 

Bucky noticed the underlying question in your statement, "I was about to watch a movie. So needed these to clear the mess."

Your eyes went wide at his sincerity. While you had a crush on him, you definitely did not want to know about Bucky's late night masturbation adventures. Shaking your head, you raised your hands and started walking backwards, "I am sorry I disturbed your nightly… activities. I get out of your hair."

"Actually, would you like to join me for the movie?" Bucky asked hopefully, "We have the macarons and you seem like you need to calm your nerves."

You were surprised for the third time that day. Did Bucky just ask you to masturbate with him? Or have sex while eating the macarons? Or did he want to eat them after you guys have had sex? A flurry of questions swirled in your mind as you stared at him with a slightly open mouth. 

Bucky interpreted your gaze and stumbled to clarify himself, "As friends! Would you like to watch a movie with me as a friend?"

You slowly nodded your affirmation, "Yeah okay. Which movie are we watching?" 

"The Notebook," he revealed with a smile, "It's an extremely emotional movie. Ummm what's the term? Tear-jerker? Uhh yeah, it's a real tear-jerker of a movie."

"Oh so that's why…" you pointed at the tissues. "Yeah," he confirmed, "I tend to cry a lot while watching that movie. And… ummm… I am the kind of person who cries ugly. You know, all tears and snot. So yeah… I need the whole box."

"That's… that's actually sweet," you smiled, "Trust me you are not alone. I start crying as soon as the titles appear on the screen."

He got excited at your confession, "Yes! Exactly! It's because you know what's going to come and you are just mentally preparing yourself."

You chuckled with him in affirmation as he led you further into his apartment.

You freshened up a bit in his washroom, making sure to clean your feet and the residue on your face from the sweat.

Bucky was standing besides your bag when you entered the living room, "Now that we are friends," he intoned, "will you please tell me what's inside of this?"

You sighed, "Mr Barnes-." 

"Bucky," he corrected you and you smiled. 

"Will you promise me you will not take any offense or be insulted by it? I really did not mean to swap the bags."

"I trust you," Bucky said with assurance.

"It's…it is a sex toy," you mumbled quietly. Any normal human wouldn't have heard you, but Bucky's enhanced hearing caught your words flawlessly. 

He took a moment to process your words, and finally, to your amazement, burst out laughing. 

You sheepishly smiled at his reaction as your heart felt a little lighter. "That is embarrassing," he agreed with a wide grin. 

The two of you settled on the couch as Bucky's chuckles lessened. He kept the box of macarons between you two, but hesitated to begin the movie.

You sensed his curiosity, and clarified, "I haven't been in a relationship in a very long time. It's been… 2 years I guess… since my last breakup." You took a deep breath, "And my job doesn't exactly leave a lot of time on my hands for dating or one-night-stands."

Bucky seemed to consider your words for what felt like a long time. Finally, he asked quietly, "What does it feel like? To… to want another person… sexually?"

You blinked your eyes, thinking you must have misheard him. But then, his gaze met yours, and you knew his question was sincere.

"It feels like…," you raked your mind in search for the appropriate words, "...like your entire body is on fire, and you need the touch of the other person to quench your thirst. Like, just for a few moments, you want to shut your mind, and let your body think for you."

Bucky nodded slowly as you finished, "But what if you feel that in your heart? And not for your body?"

You squint your eyes at his question, "What do you mean Bucky?"

He placed his head in his hands, "I just… I don't feel like that with anyone. I mean, I don't want to have sex. Trust me I have tried everything. Literally everything. Still I don't feel aroused… I am broken, aren't I? Because this is abnormal, right? No matter how hard I try I will never be normal."

Your heart shattered at his words. You had heard about his horrid nightmares, but to think that he was struggling to accept himself, thinking that he was broken, even when he had so much love to give, was depressing. You could not just stand by and watch.

Gently, you placed a hand on his shoulder, "Bucky, look at me." When he didn't comply, you urged him, "Bucky, you are not broken. It is completely normal to not have any sexual desires."

"No it's not," he scoffed.

"Yes it is," you coerced him, "Do you know what is asexuality? It is the complete absence of sexual desires. Many people-"

He interrupted you, "There is no such thing. You are making this up."

"I am not," you replied indignantly, "Research indicates that more than 1% of the American population is asexual. Also, experts believe that more people might be asexuals because they think that they "haven't found the right person yet"," you ended with air quotes.

With no reaction from him, you sighed and got up, "Do yourself a favour. Use the internet and learn about asexuality. It will help put your mind at ease." You left after giving that piece of advice.

Bucky stayed in the same position for a few moments after your departure. He nibbled on a macaron as he considered the movie playing in front of him. Unable to focus, he promptly shut it all and carried the box to his bed. The macarons disappeared into his mouth as he tossed and turned, feeling restless. 

There was no way asexuality was a thing. If it was, then how come there were no movies, tv shows or even advertisements on asexuality? That's because it wasn't normal, right? Maybe you had just lied to him to make him feel better? Maybe you took pity on him?

He looked at his phone on the table near the tv set, your final words repeating in his head in a loop. The combination of tiredness and laziness encouraged him to take your advice in the morning.

🏳️‍🌈

You didn't see Bucky for 3 days after your fateful encounter with him. The fact that you still had your job at the Avengers Tower meant that he hadn't filed a complaint yet with the HR. And for that you were grateful. Friday came and you found yourself working late, again. It was around 10pm and you were still in your lab, almost done with the work. That's when you heard the small swoosh of the lab doors opening and closing.

You looked up from your table, and found Bucky staring intently at you with his blue eyes. He cleared his throat and tentatively took a step towards you. "You were right," he said slowly, "I researched online, read a few articles and spoke with the in-house therapist. I am an," he took a deep breath, "an asexual."

You closed your laptop and smiled at his confession, "How are you feeling now?"

"Honestly? A little bit better. I feel somewhat free," he admitted while gripping the white bag in his hand a little bit tighter.

"That's great! I am so proud of the progress you have made," you beamed at him, but sensed his hesitance as you neared him.

"What's wrong?" you gently inquired.

"You are… not… I mean… by any chance… asexual?" he winced at his own question.

You chuckled lightly, "No I am not."

"Ahh, then it's okay," he murmured and turned as if to leave.

You stopped him by placing a hand on his firm bicep, "What's going on?"

He shifted on his feet, visibly uncomfortable and anxious, "I was just… no nevermind it's stupid."

"Bucky," you said his name in a stern voice.

He sighed again, "I thought… I mean I owe you a movie because… of that night… and so… you know… would you like to watch it? The movie? But why would you? You deserve better… you are not an asexual. You are normal. Why would you want to go on a date with me?" he finally ended his mumbling.

You looked at him with squinted eyes, trying to decipher what he had muttered. "Did you just say you would like to go on a date with me? But it was stupid because you are an asexual and I am normal?" you blinked as he nodded.

"Who told you that you are not normal?" you asked him, a little irritated, "Bucky look at me." This time he complied, "You. Are. Normal. As normal as me, as the other Avengers or as anybody else in the world. Do not, for even one goddamn second, think that there's something wrong with you because there isn't. Are you listening to me? Am I clear?" you wagged your forefinger at him.

Amused at your outburst, he nodded with a sheepish grin. Clearing his throat, he asked you again, "Would you like to watch a movie with me tomorrow? As a date?"

You placed your hands on your waist, "Yes."

His grin widened as he asked you the next question, "Still mad at me?"

"Uh-huh."

"Maybe these cupcakes will help," he shyly held up the white bag in front of you, "I made sure they were cupcakes," he added with a smirk.

You graciously accepted the bag, "Cupcakes will always help."

"Great! It's a date then. Tomorrow… at 4pm? My apartment?" Bucky suggested.

You agreed, and he left with a goodbye. As soon as he was out of sight, you opened the box, expecting to see the usual cupcakes inside. Instead, you found that the sweet treats were decorated with cute messages such as "U R Cute" , "Be Mine?" , "So Sweet" and so on. Feeling mushy at his adorable gesture, you bit into the sweet treat as you headed back to your apartment.

The next day, you made sure to wear a purple dress, complete with black, grey and white accessories - the colours of the asexual flag. Bucky beamed at you as he welcomed you into his apartment. He had made a snack mix from popcorn, crispy pretzels, chips and nachos, the perfect accompaniment to any movie according to him, and you couldn't agree more.

The pair of you watched The Notebook in silence, except for a few sobs and sniffs here and there and the straight up bawling during the emotional parts of the movie.

After a while, the film ended but your date continued. The two of you talked about everything, right from the meaningful discussions about the government policies to random questions like "which mythical creature would you be and why?"

Soon, it was time for you to head back to your apartment. Bucky offered to walk you and you happily agreed. But before you left, he asked you nervously, "Would you like to have a second date?"

"I would love to," you beamed, "Which movie should we watch the next time?"

He ran his hand in his somewhat disheveled hair, "Uhh… I actually made a date jar. Wait, I will get it."

He brought over a glass jar, filled with tiny bits of folded paper, "I thought we could have dates that start from each English alphabet. We can pick and choose at random from the jar."

Tears pricked the corner of your eyes again at his thoughtful and romantic gesture. You gingerly picked one note from the jar, excited for the adventure that awaited the two of you.

🏳️‍🌈

It took more than 2 years for the pair of you to finish every date in the date jar, except for one. Whether it was jet-skiing in the ocean, taking classes for flamenco dance, him teaching you self-defense or going on a wildlife safari together, you and Bucky finally got through it all. Only the letter "P" was now left.

In these 2 years, any distance between the two of you had practically vanished. Bucky was comfortable in removing his bionic arm in front of you. Moreover, he had started sharing everything with you. Right from his darkest and disturbing nightmares to a pretty butterfly that he may have seen during his missions, Bucky made it a point to ensure that you were a part of his life, and you had absolutely no complaints.

The two of you had also discussed about your sexual desires, and Bucky had been comfortable with you using your sex toys as and when you wished.

Bucky was the perfect boyfriend anybody could ask for. He was considerate, thoughtful, a hardcore feminist and gave the best foot-rubs in the world. And so you were nervous. Nervous because the two of you had never actually sat down to talk about the nature of your relationship. And as the day of the last date loomed nearer, your anxiety increased. At first, you thought of making a second date jar, but he had quickly dismissed the idea, stating that he would be caught up with multiple things after the last date ended.

As you sat in the car that Bucky had sent for you, your apprehension grew. Bucky always picked you up, however this time, he had asked you to come alone in the car. Maybe he wanted to break up with you?

By the time you reached the park it was pitch black. You were sure Bucky had paid the guards to keep the gates of the park open just for you.

As soon as you entered, you saw the pathway lined with 25 lamp posts, leading you towards a breathtaking archway decorated with fairy lights and your favourite flowers.

On every lamp post, a photograph of the two of you - which were taken on your dates - was stuck along with a note. The notes described how he fell in love with you over and over again on every single date. Your progress was slow, as read each of his meticulously written words with tears in your eyes. You collected all of his notes and the photographs, and finally headed towards the lit archway.

When you entered it, the instrumental notes of the song "All of Me" by John Legend reached your ears.

You walked ahead and reached a bend. Upon crossing it, you were showered with rose petals as the live music grew louder. And at the end of the archway, your boyfriend, James Buchanan Barnes, was standing in a tuxedo, looking as sinfully good as the forbidden fruit. The entire area around him was lit with soft fairy lights that cascaded gracefully between tall lamp posts. Even on the ground, small wooden lamps illuminated the grass across the area. A live band was playing the music and your Bucky was standing with the most gorgeous bouquet of red roses that you had ever seen.

Your vision turned blurry as you started crying, and looking at your tears, he started sobbing as well. "No no no I can't cry now," he managed to say between his sobs while giving you his handkerchief, "I have to do this."

He got down on one knee and took your hand in his. You both laughed as you started crying harder. He took a deep breath and said your name, "These 2 years have been the most magical years of my life. You have accepted me as who I am, what I am, and never once tried to change me or make fun of me for it. I never thought I would be treated with the amount of respect that-" he started crying, unable to finish his sentence.

You sat beside him and handed him your kerchief. "Yes," you said with a tear-stained smile.

"Let me ask you first!" he exclaimed between his sobs.

You laughed and wiped your snot as he cleared his throat, "I love you so much. You are the only one I want to-" he started crying again.

"Yes!" you answered his unsaid question.

"I haven't asked you yet!" he exclaimed again as the two of you giggled between your sobs.

"Okay c'mon Bucky you can do this," he muttered to himself as you beamed at him. "Okay," he looked into your eyes and whispered your name, "Will you do me the honour of marrying me and becoming my wife?"

You choked up at finally hearing the words. Rendered speechless, you could only nod as fresh tears escaped your eyes.

"You have to say yes!" he almost shouted with excitement.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!!" you matched his enthusiasm as he slipped a ring onto your finger. His large arms then engulfed you in a bear hug, wrapping you in a safe and secure space for eternity to come.

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