#i would have liked him so much more if i didnt fall to Edgy Cool Stoic Superman propaganda

[erinwantstowrite]

thoughts on the new superman trailer

YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SUPERMAN!!!!!! ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

[suite43]

So, starscream's Prophecy... got any thoughts on it?

OOOH okay this ones fun!

so i do have a few thoughts on this and theyre kind of disjointed so to help me think im gonna jenny nicholson this bitch and use a delightful numbered list.

the narrative explanation - so basically in-universe the dark cybertron prophecy is, eventually, revealed to be complete bullshit. shockwave made it up in a paradox-induced scheme and it was all, from the titan's announcement to the "you're the devil reincarnated", designed artificially to get starscream to do what shockwave wanted. this is boring!

why is it boring - mostly because it would have much more interesting implications if the "true meaning" for the prophecies was left more ambiguous. There's something really interesting about the sort of contradictory nature of the prophecies, because over the course of phase 2 Starscream is formally delivered 3 different declarations, and all of them both compound on and contradict each other. Starscream is the chosen one to raise Cybertron from darkness, Starscream is the harbinger of Cybertron's doom, and Starscream is the literal reincarnate of like, the actual devil. And every single time, she just kind of rolls with it, as do most other people. She says she doesn't buy it, but a lot of her behaviour and dialogue suggest otherwise, and by the time the third one comes around shes just kind of done pretending and basically is just like "yeah sure, sounds right". And i think that adds an interesting element to her character, especially with where we left her late phase 1, clinging to the matrix and the lie that it chose him. I think starscream has this particular sense of desperation mixed with insecurity mixed with delusion that makes him sort of need to feel important, and whether that means being the worst of the worst or being everybodies hero, she just kind of describes it as knowing he's cosmically important, and i think that can make a lot of the inconsistencies in his character sort of smooth out and create a more complete kind of person. 2.5 some things can just be magic - i also just think the need for everything to have an explanation or be tied up really is a weakness in barber's half of phase 2, its just really not compelling to be like these cool mystical elements and ancient prophecies actually didnt mean anything. it also imo just kind of stinks of edgy atheist ideology where all religion is bullshit - and while that works for the exrid parts focused on Optimus, Pyra, and others and the discussion of corruption in religious icons and what it means to have faith and where the line between religion and politics blurs, it kind of falls flat when you look at starscreams half, which focuses much more on introspective character growth and faith in other people and also has a main character who is a ghost soulbound to some other guy so like, why cant we just have scoop genuinely be into some weird religion that's just a weird religion? idk the shockwave paradox in general was rlly boring to me and robbed the story of any compelling or mystical elements it had.

religion continued - i think if starscream's prophecies had been allowed to just be weird ambiguous stuff that may or may not have been signs from god it couldve created a lot of interesting parallels both with optimus and with windblade, who's relationships to religious concepts were both central tenants of their phase 2 roles. especially consdiering starscrseam in phase 1 and her brief tenure as a matrix-bearer and the way she sort of clung to it as a sign that she was important, even if he said he didnt believe in it (the same way optimus does in phase 2), but starscream's parallels to them in this regard just kind of feel half-formed and not really explored in the way they couldve been. like, the ingredients are all there but its just not finished. its like one of those meal prep subscription box things, yknow?

the starbee one - ive talked at length before about how i think the ideas of starscream and bumblebees relationship to the concept of a saviour, a hero, and a sacrifice are really interesting to me - the contension of bee as a saviour-type who offers 2nd chances to badguys and kickstarts redemption arcs (in a weird sort of jesus parallel that was honestly way more apparent in bee than it was in optimus) whereas starscream is viewed both in-universe and on a metanarrative level as a corrupting force - his entire relationship to windblade for the first chunk of their interactions was him trying to pull her to his level, and as a figure in the prophecies starscream is usually viewed as a bad omen, antichrist or devil figure. i think these are all so interesting as concepts but in execution theyre kinda half-formed and again, spoiled by the shockwave paradox 4.5 - BUT that said the ending of unicron did a really fun twist with starscream in that regard and i liked watching her, on her own, decide that it was time to step away from the roles pushed on her and the lies he'd told to others & herself and actually be a hero, and sort of reclaim the "chosen one" thing and actually end up paralleling both bumblebee and opitmus in the noble sacrifice category - and i liked that we left with starscream in a neutral state, not widely loved but no longer deplored as he was around the start of the wb/taao series', and the whole ghost thing as a "rebirth" of sorts kind of ties in with that in an interesting way

tldr - i think it couldve been way better if it was left more ambigious, and i also tihnk it smells a lot of edgy ex-christian atheist worldbuilding while also being really really heavy handed in some of the xtianity parallels, but i like what they do for star as a person specifically in her reactions to and treatment of the prophecies.

[theunconcernedembalmer]

ok i got the aesvic out of my system now time to pick apart the letter n why i wont really be following aesops diary exactly here. literally no one asked but i wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere cos i have. a lot

just gonna put a quick rundown of aesops diary entry as a refresher (mostly for myself so i dont miss anything): he dreamt that he was helping jerry with what was probably a murder n was affirmed n he thinks its a sign congratulating him on carrying out his duty. over the years, he carries out his duties as an undertaker n comes to the manor looking for a “fresh start” aka what sounds like his first victim. according to aesop, said victim should be quiet, n potential victim number 1 is victor. something about badly needing him to become his “silent friend” n he mentions he’ll get to wick n the 2 other survivors in due time, but for now he’s very eager to start his “mission”.

im generally okay with the letter (i have seen so many fights over this aha) cos there is no surprise he wants to kill ppl (ppl who r fighting over this point. did u even read his deductions?? guy happily killed his mentor??). but i didnt quite like the fact that he still looks up to jerry (although. i guess thats valid i just. dont like it). i was also initially kind of confused about the real reason why he would want to kill ppl since as u progress through the letter it sounds less like he kills for duty (cos of the whole dream thing at the start) but more “because i want to :)”, which is an okayish edgy kinda take imo. like not that u cant characterize aesop as Kill Kill Murder Die, but i kinda find that. pretty boring in the long term.

im just gonna put what my original take on aesop was, like all of it. first off, he hates jerry. u cannot tell me a psychotic serial killer like that can raise a child without emotional trauma. like any child, this isnt even counting the extra damage done because hes autistic. (n i also hc that aesop has read his moms letter to him at some point, n he should have come to the conclusion that it was somewhat also jerrys fault, whether through logic or denial that his mom would want to leave him, so that just adds to it.) but as much as he hates him, his teachings are the only ones hes been exposed to, n its been so ingrained in him since young so even if he hates jerry he would still subscribe to whatever twisted ideology jerry was feeding him, which ill get to in a sec.

going through his accessories, he has that origami that he folds for each of his clients, n it shows that underneath it all, aesop is still kind. this isnt expected of him n its definitely not part of his job scope as an embalmer. he (still?) has the heart to wish the best for those that have departed n takes the time n effort to fold one for each n every client he sends off, which is probably a lot. so going off on that, my hc is that jerry, being the manipulative asshole that he is (who probably definitely manipulated his mom into indirect suicide) probably used his kindness against him to make him believe that by murdering ppl he is helping them, framing all of his serial kills as a sort of mercy kill (like his mom). so the thing that aesop takes away from all this is the very twisted logic that by killing ppl he is helping them, therefore being a good embalmer and a good person in general. n everyone wants to be a sort of good person, or at least for aesop that is part of his job description to be a good embalmer. n we all know aesop is very serious about his job.

i also hc that he has killed several ppl between killing jerry n coming to the manor, cos i follow the story that he took the invitation from that poor lady n thats how he ended up at the manor. surely the lady didnt come to him right after jerry died?? but anyway, the way i see it is that he thought he liked to kill. like he finally truly understood why jerry kills so much (which is interesting now that i think about it. guy really just went along with all those murders without truly believing huh), because it felt good to kill. at least thats what he thought, the revelation that killing felt good n is good, but i say its because he hated jerry, n offing someone u kinda hate should probably feel pretty gucci. n its also so much easier to pick clients off the streets than in the manor, so i would think that he has killed ppl like his mentor did, but each time he did the great feeling that came with ending ppls life just. wasnt as good as the first time round. it just became a sort of normal satisfaction of a successful embalming.

this can go two ways: 1. he keeps on killing to try to find that great feeling again, which is cool i guess (n probably what canon would want, except canon states that he hasnt killed since jerry), but id like to go with 2. he just stops because jerry isnt around to enforce it whenever he isnt feeling up to psychoing someone to their death (which is probably how jerry got his victims, n damn if that doesnt take a lot of mind games that i dont think aesop has the mental capacity for since half of it is fighting with his social anxiety n other issues. dealing with alive strangers?? no thanks?? i doubt he would have learnt properly how to lure in clients as efficiently as jerry because of this, mostly cos he was only needed for the murder afterparty aka embalming n funerals). n as much as he stays professional, there is no. professional way of gaslighting someone to their death.

(n also since ppl have pointed out that his twitter replies n other kinda informal stuff have shown that aesop does have reverent respect for life, which also adds to him not being so blindly bloodthirsty as implied in the letter. i dont really see the twitter replies as very canon, but it does make sense that he would come to revere life with his unique take and obsession over death, for one cannot exist without the other)

so this leads me to the motive that aesop brings to the manor, at least how i see it. he isnt exactly coming to the manor to kill per se (like from the very early story, he came to the manor to return the letter to a relative of the deceased lady, something about respecting her last wishes. something like that, its really been a while since i saw that exerpt), so like killing ppl isnt his main purpose of visit. its more of hes always on the lookout for weaker (or at least those that take less mind games to kill) people to mercy kill, n it just so happens that he knows the manor n his mentor almost died from there, so theres a pretty good chance he can find some ppl that fall into this category n so it just so happens that he also has a job to do there. its still counted as a Job for him since no ones gonna tell him that embalmers dont actually. murder. 

so in my version, aesop only tries to sway ppl that he knows he can convince, n these ppl would typically be those very sickly ones like his mom (andrew im looking at u) or those with an actual death wish/ very weak will to live. but here aesop is choosing his “first victim”, and the criteria for that is... quiet? never mind “not evading him” and “not cranky” being on the list too, but that isnt quite what i was expecting from someone so dedicated to their duty of murder. sure he wants an easy first kill, but like. i dont think its consistent if his motive was really to continue jerrys bastard legacy. especially when the next paragraph is essentially him gushing over victor, that... sort of implies something else. or at least in the way i see it, since i believe that canon wants us to think that aesop just really loves to kill.

aesop likes victor. very much so. so much till he wants to kill him. which i guess makes sense cos he likes death, n now he likes victor. so he just. puts the two things he likes together. whats better than victor? dead victor. anyway the rest of the letter is more like “whatever, i technically should kill the others too but my priority is victor” so like. he confuses his (dare i say) yandere tendencies with his duty since the end goal for both is a body in a coffin.

having said that. i know i have aesvic brainrot but i also know this is one sided as hell (at least from the letter alone, not counting the letter shaped cookies in his birthday art that apparently belonged to victors birthday cake aha) n lowkey alarming since. the goal is to kill victor. i kinda want to interpret it as him genuinely wanting to be friends with victor (really wanting him to be a “silent friend”, maybe cos he doesnt actually know how to be friends with living ppl n is better with dead ones? therefore victor should be dead to be friends?) but not knowing how to n throwing in his obsession with death ends up with. this minor disaster waiting to happen. but i uh. dont know if this is valid. its valid to me at least, with my original interpretation of aesop. n again cos of his ingrained professionalism, he also kinda sees this as part of his job to send ppl off, so its another plus. not for victor, tho.

idk if ill add this yandere side in my aesop. i mean my boi has technically tried to kill victor multiple times in the past HAHAHAHA. maybe like sometimes he can be a bit obsessive. as a treat. but generally nah cos thats definitely gonna end up in a murder somewhere somehow n i cant. just kill victors here on the ask blog scene lashjflkjhdlfkjhas

so yeah that kinda takes care of the last part of the letter, as for the first part. as much as aesop hates jerry, i would also think hes pretty starved for affirmation (like i said jerry isnt going to be a good parent figure ever) n i guess it makes sense if the only times jerry has ever complimented him was aiding him in his kills n hiding the evidence, which might (?) add to his desire to kill (but that probably dies with jerry aha). so the way i see it as aesop is getting affirmation n takes it as a good sign instead of. remotely liking jerry. idk if im stretching it a little but i really dont like the take where hes okay with jerry. anyway we are ignoring that he hasnt killed before entering the manor cos that doesnt quite make sense to me (i wasnt dreaming about the letter from a lady stabbed in the face 36 times or so right???? right???????)

im also not like. trying to defend him, im just trying to make sense of his diary. boi has issues n is a little too far gone (not as far as canon tho), in my take very deluded in his way of showing kindness. literally cool motive still murder (or in canon, just murder?), please get therapy. but i just dont really like the direction that the letter was originally trying to imply, with him really just hell bent on murder without like. a clear motive (at least to me it isnt very clear since the last part really doesnt sound consistent with his supposed intentions). i mean i love being edgy with aesop every now n then but i dont think it would make for meaningful characterizations in the long run so. ill still be sticking with my original take on aesop with maybe a bit of yandere for victor cos thats always fun

[felismiscellaneous]

Casonverse Expo

ok so after you see this you Cannot save it. the whole thing about the casonverse is that its solely “oral” and memory based. i cannot write down “rules” to it or anything. this post Will be lost to time and youll just have to deal with that

ok so. we begin. our story. w/ an explanation on how ectobiology has been going on earth c. basically, every once in a while to increase genetic diversity, a babeh between two of the original founders is created randomly, and said founders get to decide if they want to adopt that babeh or not.

now its been a very very long time on earth c and all of these bitches are immortal. yep. every single one. even the non godtiers, they get an immortality boon for winning the game. you know whats also a boon? all of the players getting revived. yep. every single one. because this is my au and i can do what i want.

anyways as i was saying basically at some point a babeh between john and karkat is made and this time theyre like “yeah ok well adopt this one” SO. they be goin there. and the ONE TIME they decide this is the right time the baby is fuckin BROKE. the internal organs of trolls and humans dont mesh very well when the genes are combined in the ectomachine, and this baby is basically just dying very slowly. this baby isssss Casey! well, shes not named that by her parents, but well just call her Casey for now.

john and karkat do their fuckin best to keep this thing alive but her tiny baby body is completely dysfunctional. and doesnt last very long. This is Traumatizing for Everyone Involved. anyways!! a pretty long time after that we have Cason and Jones. they were spawned at the same time. Jones is rose and kanayas horrible ectospawn, and Cason happens to be another equally horrible spawn between john and karkat! they decide to adopt this one, and fortunately it lives. This was Their First Mistake.

but before we get into Cason, lets get into Jones. Jones is,,,, very socially awkward. in fact, she often comes off as creepy to everyone else. this makes her very clingy towards her mothers, who arent That terrible at parenting. theyve got quirks, but theyre good for her. Jones doesnt really have any friends, except this Totally Cool and Not at All Dangerous cult she gets dragged into! this is the second secret shes ever kept from her mothers. the first is that shes the one who keeps bringing snails into the house. Jones likes snails, but shes not good at taking care of them. she just keeps bringing them into the house and feeding them her snack. her snack is rat poison. snails like and digest rat poison safely. snails! she likes them.

ALSO APPARENTLY SHE CAN SEE GHOSTS???? yeah lets get into that. see, Casey becomes a Regular Ghost after she dies. not a dream ghost, just a plain ol ghost. and anyways, shes around the same age as everyone else if not a year older due to Ghost Rules now, and Cason is the only one that seems to be able to see her. and then theres Jones. Jones is absolutely stunning to Casey and yes she falls so hard in dokis. but Jones is trying to ignore the fact that she can see ghosts. it makes her feel like even more of an outcast. ooooo drama! anyways those two have their own background plot going on about fighting eldritch gods or something idk.

LETS GET BACK TO CASON. see. Cason. is The Worst. like, genuinely. ever since he was a kiddo, he was a completely spoiled brat from day one, and spent his childhood Looking Down on People for multiple reasons. for one, hes the son of TWO FUCKING FOUNDERS AND RAISED BY THEM, two he got away with EVERYTHING, and three i think its just in his nature. Cason prides himself in being knowledgeable and better than everyone else, but he is not like Other Egomaniacs((tm.))

Cason doesnt necessarily care about being liked, even if he WAS a great manipulator, or being the best at Everything. he couldnt care less about sports or popularity. all he wants, is Control. just like hes had since day one. This is Terrible for Everyone Involved.

but most terrible for anyone, is Tippie Piyjon. Tippie is terezi and nepetas ectospawn, which, really started it all. now, terezi and nepeta are not horrible people, or even necessarily horrible parents, but theyre just not suited for it. Tippie raised herself on romance novels and the like, especially after being sortve taken in as a goddaughter by karkat almost immediately after she was born. and, because of this, she got to meet Cason very early on. there was hardly ever a day where the two werent around eachother, whether they liked it or not. in school, at their own house, wherever. now, being around Cason of all people all the time, meant you knew exactly how he operated.

and well, Tippie figured that, maybe, if she was just good enough, she could change him. and Cason used that to his full advantage. the two became moirails, which was Fucked Up for Everyone Involved, and grew ever closer. now Cason, being Cason, was Extremely Emotionally Abusive to Tippie. she had to do what he asked, whatever it was, even if it wasnt morally right, she had to stay by his side, she couldnt cry in front of his parents, she had to get good grades so he wouldnt look bad, so many damn things she had to do. even if he never once laid a finger on her, her mental health was, slowly but surely, chiseled down.

every attempt at defying him was met with such coldness, or hed act more warm towards her, so surely she was doing something right and had to keep going. just had to be good enough. hell get better eventually. Cason earns the title of #1 Gaslighter Extraordinare. the only place she found any solace away from him was grubscouts, which she joined on her own terms when she was very young, and at the time was a camp counselor even! this lasted. for so many years.

Cason is nineteen whenever i depict him, and Tippie is seventeen, but very nearly eighteen. eventually, she cant take it anymore, and snaps at him. usually this doesnt last, and he would manage to calm her down eventually, but shes fucking Tired of it. he hasnt changed. not even a bit. well. Cason cant have that, now can he? the first time he lays a hand on her, he slaps her across the face. Big Mistake. though terrified, Tippie lashes out, and claws Casons left eye out, making a terribly deep gash that would leave him permanently blind in that eye whether or not he got treatment.

this scares the SHIT out of her, and Tippie runs off, for the first time, to her mothers. as she cries, she recounts how terrible everythings been and how she didnt mean it and shes sorry and- theres nothing to apologize for. its very clear, that they shouldve stepped in sooner, shouldve noticed something was wrong. meanwhile, Cason crawls home to his own dads, who are rightfully spooked seeing their son with a horrifically bloody face and a gouged eyeball. they only had a second to try and comfort him, before he snapped at them, showing a bit of his true nature to them for the first time, and also, terezi showing up behind him. after a thorough explanation which was mostly just a few stern, if a little tearful words, Casons parents are completely mortified. karkat quickly kicks him out in an act of raw emotion. no chance to grab clothes, or for john to interject, Cason is left outside, alone, and with absolutely no power left. what will he do?

theres also other characters but theyre like babies so they dont have much characterization and also arent very important to the story. but here they are ig:

owen, jade and daves child. hes like, 3. he likes sticks and playing in mud. hes 3 what more do you want from him

siyren, aradia and feferis kiddo. shes like, 6. she likes ballet, arts and crafts, and being snooty

damien, eridan and solluxs kid. hes 10, likes calling people slurs over xbox, and overcompensating since his parents waited so damn long to adopt him after his slimebirth

killer, who named himself, aradia and sollux kid. hes like 11 or something. he likes being edgy and has the same issue as damien. in fact, all but siyren have this issue

toga bitch, who i have currently yet to name, aradia and eridans kid. shes 12. she likes earth rome and chilling in public fountains. a burgundy whose violetkin

wemon wemon, who is also currently unnamed, feferi and eridans kid. hes 13, the oldest. he likes earth lemon demon and horror special effects

carrie, feferi and solluxs kid. shes like 11, likes dance dance revolution and earth 9s

rosie, calliope and roxys bab, whos a baby. jane is also her mom

ben, tippies far future carapacian bf, who likes boring shit like birdwatching and scrapbooking. malewife supreme. a very soft dude, and just wants to help his gf w/ her trauma and join her grubscout troop on earning badges. just a great, if boring guy

notkonyyl, just as unnamed, a notcanadian oliveblood who enjoys going to the gym, frequenting bars, being cool, flirty, and defending her moirail to the death

notkuprum, haha unnamed, is a human, and the moirail to notkonyyl. he likes things like being annoying, flirting with everyone taller than him ((most people)), the nintendo switch, and defending his moirail to the death

[peach4cherryplease]

Free Like Rain

Authors note: unedited because I don’t want to.

A fic of what Peach is feeling told by the feeling of Roman sanders for his friend Remus

Wattpad here

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Roman sat in the vehicle at a red light. It was raining cats and dogs outside, practically flooding the streets making every pothole a huge puddle.

He was going over to Remus’s house. They are to hang out and watch netflix and just chill. No not the sexual stuff, even though Roman truly wishes it was. But it’s not. 

The music played loudly in his vehicle. So loud that a normal person would complain about possibly loosing their hearing. But not roman. No he was listing to what remus likes to listen to. Remus’s music style. It was so different from his own yet some how the same. 

He watched as the rain splattered against his roof. And all he could think about was remus.

He wanted remus.

Sexually? Yes.

As a friend? Yes

He wanted to touch remus. He wanted to hold his hand.

He wanted to kiss his lips.

He wanted to hold remus. He wanted- no! Needed to keep remus safe.

And there was nothing in his life that could ever make him feel this way.

Was he crazy? Maybe. He's only met remus 6 months ago, but it felt like they have always been together. As if they have grown up together. As if they were the same person.

The light turned green and roman pressed on the gas. 

He shouldn't be speeding. But there was nearly no one on the road. The music mixed with the rain. 

Roman closed his eyes for a second. Not too long because remember he is driving. 

He wanted to get high. No he doesn't. He wouldn't do a single drug in his life if its not prescribed. But remus has gotten high. Remus gets high all the time. He sometimes smells like straight weed. Thats the closest to getting high roman will ever get. 

But what was he feeling right now? Right now he felt high. High off of emotion? Maybe. 

Remus felt like a drug to roman. 

Roman was most definitely crazy. 

He pulled up in front of remus’s house. He grabbed his phone and ran to the door. 

His legs felt weak. He was so close. So close to seeing remus again. He needed this. 

He rang the door bell. 

Remus was amazing. He was cool. He was what people called edgy. And most people back in highschool thought that remus was a weirdo. That kid with problems. Someone who wasnt completely there. But remus was a lot more than what people where giving him. Roman knew this.

Roman knew remus was amazing. 

The door opened and there standing in front of him was a half naked remus. 

“Yo” he was greeted. Roman walked in, kicking off his wet shoes and followed remus down to the basement. 

“We should watch this netflix series called bonding. It seems interesting” remus says. Roman nods his head in agreement, not trusting his own mouth to work correctly. 

Remus popped a fry into his mouth. “Are you ok?” he asked.

“Yeah, im good” roman replied. He was not ‘good’. His heart was betraying him, going 1000 miles an hour. He just wanted to touch remus, but he had no reason to at the moment. He wanted to be one with remus. He just …. He needed help.

The show started and roman wasnt really watching. Instead he was gaing secret glances at the other 19 year old. 

Remus paused the show.

“Ok, whats up. Talk now” remus demanded. This caused romans breath to hitch. 

God he loved remus so much. He was so…. Roman couldnt find the words to describe what he wanted. Remus was just so… yes.

He was everything and anything roman ever needed or wanted.

“Theres nothing up” roman lied. Remus didnt buy a single part of it. He looked roman right in the eye, or at least tried to. Roman looked away quickly. 

Meeting remus’s eyes? Fuck no. he couldnt do it. 

“Roman?” remus asks. His name falling from the others lips, thats all roman wanted. 

“Y-yeah?”

“Is there something you want to tell me?” 

There was silence. It felt so deafening to his ears. He couldnt do this. Nope. roman jumped up. “Sorry. Ive gotta-” roman started as he fumbled his way up the steps. Trying to find his way to the exist of the house. To get out of there. He couldnt breathe. It wasnt a bad couldnt breathe like he was trapped in a airplane that was crashing, but instead a couldnt breathe that hurt but also he wanted and enjoyed. Point is though, he couldnt breathe and he needed out now. 

“Roman” remus called after him but roman was already up the steps and sticking his feet back into his shoes and out the door. 

“Roman” remus called again. He stopped roman outside. It was still raining and he was still half naked. He didnt even bother to put on his shoes. He was bare footed in the rain as he reached for romans arm pulling him around aggressively. “Please dont leave, i like you. Youre the only one who understands me” 

Roman stared at remus. He was surprised. Remus. His green and white hair lights mixed in the strains of dark brown. Soaking wet from the rain. The rain running down his fair face. His pink.. Puckered lips. Remus was just so hot. 

But his words. His words are what surprised roman the most. “I-” roman starts unsure of what to say. He couldnt breathe. 

Remus was touching him. He was asking him to stay. He liked him. He liked him! “I like you too” roman says. 

“Then why are you leaving? I dont want you to leave. Please dont leave me like everyone else”

And the realizing thought came crashing back in on romans heart. This is why. He cant be in love with remus. Remus saw him as a friend. Remus was attached to him, his best friend, because everyone else has left. They all left violently, making remus wake up in a sweaty mess and endless tears. Roman couldnt do this to remus. He had to be his friend. He couldnt be more than his friend. He couldnt protect remus in the lovers romantic way but instead as a friend. And it hurt. It really did. He wanted MORE than just as friends. But he couldnt do anything about it now. 

“Please dont” roman says. And remus’s face drops. 

“Youre leaving?” remus asks. 

“No i mean… “ roman takes a deep breathe. His lungs getting the oxygen needed. “Im not going to leave you remus. Not now not ever” roman says. 

“Then whats wrong?”

Roman didnt know how to answer. 

Everything is what is wrong!’ he wanted to scream.  But he couldnt.

He wanted to lean down and kiss remus. He wanted to be one with him. So fucking bad. 

He shook his head. “Nothing is wrong” he says. Tears swelling in his eyes. “Go back inside before you get sick” he was pulling his arm from remus’s hand. 

“Roman! Please!”

“What? What do you want remus? I just want to go home” he says. 

“Please i cant- i font want to be alone tonight. My thoughts.” remus says a bit softer. And if roman wasnt use to how remus speaks then he probably wouldnt have heard him but he did. "please just stay the night. roman?"

roman stud in the rain. he looked at everything but remus. he wanted to sink into the ground, going to hell would be more pleasurable than aching for something he couldnt have. but he couldnt leave remus. not after he practically begged him to stay. he couldnt do it to him. so instead he nodded his head.

"ill stay the night" roman says. his words numb to his own ears. remus eyes grew wide. 

"really? you're actually staying?"

"yes"

remus grabbed romans hand and pulled him inside. 

they were touching again. something that roman wanted. remember? he wanted this. but why does he hate it? why does he hate being around remus? he loved remus's smell of weed and musk but he also hated it. he hated how sexy remus looked as he ran his fingers through his hair because they both got drenched. he hated how remus was so comfortable around him that he stripped while in the kitchen. roman needed out. he couldnt....

he just wanted remus. 

"here" remus handed roman a towel and fresh clothes. "roman. I don't know what wrong, but i hope youre ok. and i want you to know that I'm here for you" remus says pulling roman into a hug. his body dry and warm, holding on to a wet clothed roman. 

"I'm fine" roman said out loud. he looked straight ahead of him. Out the window of the kitchen to the rain that poured from the sky.  rain that was free to do as it pleased. something, roman couldnt do. at least not with remus. 

1490 WORDS

Im going to honest with you, idk what i wrote. This is based off of true feelings. If you're confused, dont worry im confused too.

[ionianyi]

Hello, been a while.

Recently Ive found myself come back to League more often. Though this time I will try not to make it an obsession.

I read through the comics and checked out the lores of the new champs.

Im not that much of a fan of the comics I must say. Especially Zeds comic. You cant tell me he as ninja master just walked into Jhins trap without noticing anything off. And that none of his ninja members managed to dodge Jhins shots. And omg Zed being ou of breath after using one shadow dash. Zed is what, late 20ies, early 30ies? And also a trained ninja? How has Jhin more stamina than him. I cant take him seriously in game anymore. Bitch gonna dash to me and Im gonna laugh and taunt “out of breath already, old man?”

And Zed just blindly followd Jhin into another trap, i guess he got too emotional.

He did roast Shens ex fiance tho, bitch cheating on her husband. To think Zed and Shen are still thirsting after that crusty pussy.

Lux comic was ok I guess, but the artist really needs to put more work on the facial expressions. They were often very lacking.

Also J4 has a secret love interest, who might that be.

What I dont understand is if magic is forbidden how is J4s magical shield ok?

Sylas is fun to play. Though I have to ask, is his dance a stripper dance?

Still not too happy with Varus new lore. Hiding the gays and claim woke points. I would have much preferred if rito had  handled gay rep with two individual champions that could have cute interactions like Xayah and Rakan have. But we have to hide the gays to not upset the players.

Aphelios lore is ok I guess. Too edgy for my taste, though the story did get me when the siblings were seperated forever, but somehow are even closer than before. Also not a big fan of his over complex Dota2 Invoker wannabe mechanics.

Diana stays moonbae #1

Neekos lore is pretty boring.

Shes fun to play though and she helped me get first place in a tft game (full druid team)

Im not furry enough to give a fuck about Ornn.

Qiyana is hot but her lore is weird.

Lucian got his Senna back, good for him. Even if I didnt 100% get what/how and why.

I cant bring myself to care about Yuumi, I got her half price with a champion shard so thats cool.

All that being said, I dont know if I will return as Yi, I dont really feel the mood to rp that much anymore. The new Soraka skins canon lore having Yasuo and Riven being her parents doesnt help with that.

I might just make some League of Legends fanart here and there and try to work out some of my OCs.

Also Ill try not to fall into a shipping pit again.

Cheers.

[sasukebarmitzvah]

watching every naruto opening and discussing my opinions because im bored liveblog

original

took me a little while to warm up to it idk why maybe because its not as up tempo and its a shonen and i want to get hype but i love it now. love the part where the camera pans around team 7 fighting randos they are babies… also its so funny when sasuke holds out his hand to naruto to help him out of the lake and he jsut fist bumps him. gay boy

Haruka fucking kanata baby!!!!!!!! a fav. like we all know this. i listen to the song just regularly a lot and every time it comes on shuffle im like Oh my god its haruka kanata. read the english translation of the lyrics… sns

this one got stuck in my head for a while lol. i like seeing everyone babie and i like naruto shaking his head at the end to dry off like a dog

DDMnanannaddnnaaaaa naaaaaaaaa nda aaWE ARE FIGHTING DEAMERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOLI OLI OLIOOOOoohh!!!!! very fun very good also a very good time in the show, hello tsunade

**edgy shonen opening where theres something important in front of a chain link fence**

lol skipping 6-9 bc thats the huge chunk of filler which i didnt actually watch most of

shippuden

heros come back is SO GOOD absolutely one of my favs. banger first of all. i love how its actually choreographed and naruto sakura kakashi are like moving to the beat and i love the part where the animation is like pencil sketchy and theyre running and their bodies warp bro its just cool. the part where everyone dramatically reaches for gaara is fun, also love deidaras moment. anyway i shake my ass to this song eveyrday

distance oh god oh fuck. YOU ARE MY FRIEND!!! the sasuke and naruto stuff where they are little baby at the beginning at the end we return to the same place theyre there and like about to stab each other i’m going to scream. i lvoe the song of course. hello sai! i love team 7s little spotlight moments where they get to pose to the music its so cute. why is sasuke snake jesus? DO you remember that long lost DREAM!!!!!!!!!!

BLUE BIRD YA BANGER ok the whole symbolism. when naruto falling next to sasuke rising is positioned like yin and yang lol. when naruto is falling from the sky but then sasuke comes to mind and he springs into action lol. ok random people from the fillers i dont care about. naruto fell in the lake he picks up the bird feather interspersed with a couple shots of sasuke horgh. additional reading: paper bag by fiona apple

closer is one of the ones where im like eh its ok its not my favorite and then it gets to the chorus and my dumb ass is jsut screaming YOU KNOW THE CLOSER YOU GET TO SMETHING THE TOUGHTER IT IS TO REACHIT. the funniest part where narutos moping and thinking of sasuke and then he just perks up and smiles at the camera like. gay boy. like getting to see the asuma fight scenes in this op, also it was so funny seeing him get all the screentime in this op knowing hes about to die like yeah very subtle

SHA LA LA!!!! LOVE IT i love it i love it soooo much first of all banger second of all naruto looking into the water and his reflection is sasuke. lollllll. metaphor m-e-t-a-p-h-o-r the little prechorus bit in the middle gives me chills. love sasuke walking into the purple pool like a smug motherfucker thats my boy. at the end zooming into sasukes pupil zoom out it’s narutos eye oh the poetry..

signs another one of the ones where im like eh whatever its fine but not my fav but by the chorus i am standing on the table freaking out. like fuck jiraiya but this one got me a lil. the lighting and choreography of the sasuke itachi fight bit is sooooo nice and pretty, love getting to see all the new players in the story. baby ame orphans fading to the shot of yahiko as pain.. :(

this one literally makes me cry. i get chills what the fuck. definitely one of my favs. am i a bitch? maybe. i like the song by itself but like the way the rise/general shape of the melody flows with the visuals its like oh god oh fuck. again fuck jiraiya but like the role his character serves as a link between these disparate groups of people and the way thats used in this opening… how it starts and ends with him writing and this is the arc where naruto reads tales of a gutsy ninja and he learns about how he got his name and jiraiya wrote the book and hes WRITING and im going CRAZY!! i’m starting to tear up watching it rn. the shot of konan and the pains in that moment just before they leap forward. Sayonaaaaaaara aa lksasldfkwpoeifjhnuerIELFeuiertekdjsnlfweiourbg kakashis moment is cool in this op. also love to see the girls getting fight scenes in this op cus they sure dont in the actual show LOL anyway yeah im at the part where the melodys just hitting sooo different oh my god naruto frog eyes

DIVERRRRRRR. FAV literally like naruto is drowning. hes drowning and everyone is pushing him up so he can breathe again everyone is fighting to save him and thnen he s ouf ot the water and then he sees sasuke drowning and he JUMPS BACK IN. FOR ONE PERSON EVEN THOUGH ALL THESE OTHER PEOLE were working to help him out he dives back in for SASUKE whos drowning in the eyehole of obitos mask which is cool. ok yeah this is another one where im like tearing up because THe cymbal is em….. the way The movement of the visuals is choreographed with the song is so much. nico TOUCHED the fucking walls.

this one kinda annoys me i dont know why it just wasnt my favorite. love the sasuke and naruto staring at each other intensely moment though, would this be a shippuden opening without that. also the part at the end where sakura holds up her kunai and it like slashes and covers sasuke and naruto… inch resting…

newsongs so weird i love it. like what the hell is going on. why is naruto running like hes from some weird gmod video from 2013. love the LITERAL choreography, everyone dancing to the song like this is a musical. theres just a lot of weird moments which is fun. love sai naruto and sakura making the seal together to shoot lightning. raikage leaping gracefully across the beach

i do not enjoy this one. i just dont. it just feels like we’re bootlicking which of course we are because this is the war arc and everything is a nightmare

i remember seeing the first episode with this opening and i was excited bc its like… great another naruto pining for sasuke one this is what im here for. a light banger. minato manlet monday. ohh right this was the one where gaara sees his dad again and his OH I SEE SASUKEE

Banger! nico did indeed touch the walls again. i like that this one is like visually thematically consistent thru the whole thing, i like the nighttime dimly lit atmosphere with the bursts of brighter colorful lighting, also whenever i see tsunade i freak out. narutos cute at the end

SUCH A BANGER!!! also very cool visual style, appreciate it for that like the last one, its got that pretty consistent aesthetic with the red sky and the high contrast black blocking its fun and cool to watch. did i mention the song is a bit of a banger. obito passing thru the rock is cool too bad hes an idiot

ok from this one there were two lines i remember always seeing in the english sub that made me freak out. and one of them was like “this red hot love burning my heart” and it was over kakashi and obito fighting like damn OK. also the “i put the candle out with my finger” thing sticks in my head idk why. hate that we have the narutos big meaty claws i mean manly hands moment though. omg its hashirama and madara and then it CUTS TO SASUKE AND NARUTO IN THE SAME POSE LOL OK…

SILHOUETTE IS a banger… not as much so as some of the others but its a lot of fun. very colorful op, we got some naruto pining for sasuke, classic. also love the thing where ppl are running and they age as they do and they sort of grow into their present selves, a fun visual bit. the end where narutos like obito be nice now look at all these people behind me who think youre a meanie please be nice :(((((((((

another one with a really good visual principle ugh i love how the style of the show is integrated w the styles of more traditional printmaking its very swexy and nice to look at

LINE uugrgh i love this one, maybe a fav… naruto chasing after the light and sasuke trying so hard to snuff it out as they both reflect on their memories of each other oh god oh fuck… also i love the bits where it just has all the characters in a row like it reminds me of that one post about how in the endgame trailer they had a shot of all the female characters together to be like Girl power!! and someone was like yeah thats them showing u exactly how many women theyre going to disrespect LMAO but yeah i do love this op. also the song itself being slower w/ the triplet tempo is a nice change of pace

blood circulator hee hee… the version of this with naruto and sasuke moments is A Lot but even just the generic first version is fun. the part where narutos like knocked on his face hes sinking into the tar and hes not even trying to save himself hes just staring at sasuke, but then he sees sasuke distressed and he goes bijuu mode immediately like What did u say about my mans? there is some homoeroticism

i really hate everything about this i hate it all. sasuke is cute. thats it. ok first of all why did choji cut his hair his long hair look was so gooooooood. hinata bimboification? i mean if anything it was fun to watch these fillers just cus it was fun to watch kakashi be the hokage but really goofy and also the Crumbs tossed to the kakairus… but yeah i hate everything temari got bimbofied too like ugh please let her be a dyke :( this isnt even me talking necessarily about the opening this is me just being like i hate the naruto ending. LOL SASUKE AND NARUTOS NO HOMO BRO HIGH FIVE AT THE END LOLLLLL

ok im done

[thewillds]

Name: kris Birthday: april 2nd First muse on Tumblr:  JFJHJFJF a kylie jenner fc (when she had her blueish hair) named fucking acacia ... honestly dont even remember her story because she was really random and short ... she was lowkey a bitch so um go off ig! First RP url: oh lord as if i remember that shit .... i have had so many but my first indie rp one (she still exists pls dont look at her its so cringe worthy FHHF) was theirfear Why did you pick your first muse?: i thought it was ~cool~ and ~edgy~ ig... honestly not even sure but my first developed muse was a canon chara in ~those~ old rps that was basically stiles from teen wolf, dominic! i still have him today and he’s one of my fave muses, we been THRU it! Latest muse on Tumblr: i haven’t written w her yet but daniela (crystal reed fc) ! shes based off of prairie from the OA ... if yall havent seen this show, go watch!! its really creepy but also so binge worthy!! Latest RP url: this one: velvctelvis bb Why did you pick your latest muse?: i really like the OA (on netflix) and i thought it would be a really interesting muse to write out. also, i missed playing crystal reed ,, my bb Best RP Memory: prolly a twitter rp one ... when my friend and i were writing out a HELLA angsty moment between our characters (alec and nico) ... basically alec hadnt told nico (his best friend) that he was gay and nico didn’t believe him and it was angst bc they wer in the same frat and nico didnt comm home bc he had feels for alec and was mad/upset idk but it was just wild and ive never felt so connected to another rpers chara nor one of mine ... it was wild. i remember it SO vividly. ugh good times Worst RP Memory: omGFGFGFG i was in this twitter rp lets call it sunsethq for easy ref ... i played a few charas in thatn but this one guy lets call him rafael (marc forne fc) kept leading one of my charas on, i was getting fed up and i just got tired of feeling left out in the rp so i decided to leave or become lowkey inactive .. i went to another rp lets call it hotelhq and i played a marc forne fc, all was going well and then SO many bitches came from sunsethq and said was i was stealing the backstory to rafael and ATTACKED me so many of them i had to leave the rp and change my name in the twitter rp community bc i w as scared those bitches would come for me... jEuS ... did that even make sense What are all the muses you had on Tumblr?: um HOW am i supposed to remember that ...ive had SO many ... lemme remember some of my old ppl : fat dominic (have now and he was known as fat dominic bc he couldnt run fast in this on apocalypse rp lol), other nickname dominic (dont have now and he was a jurassic world oc), lucy (have now), owen grady (dont have now and jurassic world rp canon tHAART shti was so fun ofmhf), brayden (have now but she used to be a male fc lol), maya (dont have now and based off of mia from before i fall is that what its called lol), dante (dont have now OMFG i should add him i love him... what a bb), nathaniel (dont have now and a hella old chara based off someone off a crime show i watched lol), percy (have now but hes vvvv different and he used to be the son of poseidon lol vv original...), asher (dont have now and he was such an ass lol loved him), jett (dont have now and dont rmbr him much lol), heather (dont have now but ive been wanting to add her and basicalluy based off of that one rich girl from scream the tv show i cant rmbr her name), and bc i was obsesseedddd w teen wolf i had a lot a lot of tw muses/ocs Shortest muse?: idk lol so many hehehhehe maybe dakota lol sOOO i’ll do oldest muse and thats my boy dominic!! Any advice for RPing?: idk man ... just be a decent ass human being ... be respectful and kind and become friends w as many ppl as possible bc they make it more fun ... write as little or as much as u want , take breaks! focus on real life, be true to urself and never be afraid to write out a wacky muse!!

tagged by: @mvthcrs

tagging: @drcplets , @leowritings , @heavenlyrealms, @sideliines , and whoever the fuck wans to do it!!

[vegafiction]

Hey there! Thanks for the Voltron Bad Things Happen bingo ficlets. Would you be able to do an Isolation for Lance? It seems like the thing that would suck the most for him. Maybe he's lost in the wilderness on a dangerous world and has to wait for the rest of the team to find him. Doesn't have to be shippy, but I'm cool with klance if that's you're preference (that was the only ship I noticed was in the tags).

Count: ~1.2kPairing: N/AChara(s): LanceFandom: VoltronPrompt: IsolationWarning(s): None

So, I didn’t add a ship in this. It’s mostly Lance-centric, none of the other Paladins show up because I was interested in exploring his mental deterioration as a result of prolonged isolation. I made a note on Ao3 about it so I’ll include it here: Lance’s perception of Red in this is skewed by prolonged isolation and constant stress from having to survive on an alien planet. It’s up to you to believe whether or not Red’s decision here was the right one.

I feel like this could have been way better but I’m not going to force my brain to push out anything else this late at night. >_

Get your own card @badthingshappenbingo

Ko-Fi | Ao3 | Masterlist | Request

He tore through the forest as fast as his legs could carry him. He was mindful of the upturned roots or the low hanging branches that whipped past his face or just barely grazed his cheek, but he couldn’t afford to slow down. He clutched his damaged gun close to his chest, his breathing harsh as he forced his legs to pump faster. The loud roar of the creatures behind him carried through the sky. They didn’t sound close, but they weren’t far enough for him to rest.

Lance jumped off a small ledge and slid down the muddy wall until the momentum bounced him off the wall. He stumbled into a small creek, splashing and spraying water all along the length of his sore legs. He continued running.

He didn’t stop until the planet’s three moons drifted into the sky. He slid down another hill then, finally, collapsed safely inside a cave opening.

He gasped for air, feeling his lungs and body burn from the strenuous effort of trying to survive in a world that desperately wanted to kill him. 

There were dragons on this planet – large, impressive, dangerous beasts who took one sent of Lance and decided he was something they would have for dinner. In other circumstances, Lance would have been in awe. They were gorgeous creatures, ancient and mystical, but terribly temperamental and vicious. He’d encounter a few who had been friendly to him; a very small herd he wished he had stayed close to. Their alpha had been the one to save him from the ravenous wolves Lance had accidentally stumbled upon, but most of the dragons on this planet were quite unfriendly.

Some of them had even managed to break his bayard.

Lance rolled onto his back with a pained groan. His muscles screamed in protest with every movement he made, but lying there, so close to the entrance of the cave, would give him away. He forced himself to his knees and crawled further into the cave.

Deep inside, Lance allowed himself to collapse onto the makeshift bed he had fastened from the leaves of the trees and other fibers. He dropped his damaged bayard beside him and turned to the wall.

Lines were etched into the solid rock. There were four lined together as neatly as possible with another slashing diagonally across. Lance picked up a sharpened rock from the ground and scratched a new line beside the others. There were six lines now.

He sighed.

“It’s been thirteen quintants since I’ve been on this planet,” he said to the silence, eyeing the tally marks. His eyes trailed upward toward the ceiling. A sense of dread washed over him. “I really hope I don’t have to fill up this whole wall.”

He tossed the rock aside and, with much discomfort, rose to his feet. He gathered wood and tinder from the far corner and tossed them into the fire pit. He lit a fire through the sparking of rocks then shuffled around the cave for his supply of food.

His first few days surviving alone on this planet had been… unpleasant. He’d gone hungry for three days before he finally managed to kill a few of the smaller beasts. He learned the hard way what berries were edible and which ones were poisonous. (He’d been lucky the poisonous berries were not potent.)

Finding the cave alone had been a blessing. Everything else was pure survival instinct.

“You know, I bet if the others were here, they’d be really impressed.” He grinned to the fire. It flickered and crackled in response. “I know right? I bet they never would expect me to survive out here on my own, but hah! I managed to survive thirteen quintants with just my bayard!”

At the mention of the broken weapon, Lance felt his good mood grow somber.

The flames sizzled.

“It’s my fault. I should’ve been more aware of where the dragons were.” Just like it’s my fault I’m here in the first place.

He propped a berry into his mouth and chewed.

Are they even looking for you? It’s been thirteen days.

“I’m sure they’re looking. They probably… they probably can’t find Red’s coordinates. Once they find him, they’ll find me.”

But you’re nowhere near the Red Lion. Even if they find it, they won’t find you.

Lance shifted uncomfortably in his place, suddenly burdened by the harsh reality that was the Red Lion.

Why hadn’t the Red Lion activated on its own? Whenever Keith was in danger, the lion would act on its own volition and yet, when Lance had been faced with a life or death situation, the giant, mechanical lion had just… remained frozen. It was as though he were unfazed by the fact that Lance’s life was on the line. Like Lance’s life held no importance in the lion’s eyes because he simply was not Keith.

Lance’s brows furrowed as realization dawned on him.

That had to be it. That had to be the reason why. He was not Keith. He wasn’t the skilled fighter pilot Red had chosen at the beginning of their unwanted adventure. Lance was just… Lance, a bottom of the barrel cargo pilot who barely scraped by in the Garrison.

He wasn’t some cool, edgy half-human, half-galra fighter. He wasn’t Keith. He could never be Keith, and maybe… that was why Red had chosen to remain frozen. They were just complete opposites.

Where Lance failed, Keith excelled. He’d been chosen by Red, deemed the only one who could control the lion’s unruly nature. Then, he’d been chosen by the Black Lion as their new leader in Shiro’s absence. And even when he’d willingly gave away the position back to Shiro upon his return, the Black Lion still chose him as their leader. It still obeyed his every command, just like Red, just like the others do.

Maybe Red saw something in him that it doesn’t see in you. Said the voice in his head. Or maybe it sees exactly who you really are: a rotten kid from Cuba and unworthy of being a Paladin.

Lance stared blankly into the flickering flames. He felt the heat of the fire caress his skin, warming his cold, exhausted body. He hadn’t realized he’d been shivering until then.

He tossed another piece of wood into the flames.

“Sometimes I wonder if Blue only chose me to get to Allura.” Suddenly, he chuckled. “Imagine that? A lion using me to get to a girl. I guess that can still happen out in space.” He laid back onto his hands, eyes unseeing. “Maybe I’m exactly where I need to be? Blue doesn’t need me anymore. I’m not worthy to pilot the Black Lion and Red just doesn’t seem to like me. Maybe this was my destiny the whole time, getting stuck on an alien planet, far away from home.”

Tears welled in his eyes, but he refused to shed them.

At least you won’t be a burden to them anymore.

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”

He rubbed his weary eyes with the heel of his palms as a yawned ripped itself from his throat. He crawled back to his pile of leaves and curled onto his side, facing the flames. A part of him wondered if he should snuff it out, it seemed dangerous to fall asleep with an open flame. Yet, he chose not to move. He remained where he laid, watching the fire dance among the shadows until his vision blurred into darkness and the only thing left in his mind was the fuzzy visage of the Red Lion.

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 7 (Pt. 2) - “Okay there we go. I’m caught up. Now give me my winner’s edit back.” - Trace

i was shook when the vote ended up being nehe. I was not told that was happening by anyone and I voted Thomas. Later in my tribe after tribal it seemed the people on ma'an were voting together maybe but I was left out of it. Made me nervous about where I stand on that tribe. For this whole moon twist thing I thought it was interesting that Timmy decided not to vote for Madison. then I looked back in the tribe chat and he wanted to vote for thomas or chloe and he stuck with that desire. i dont fully understand the reasoning why but it was fine I didnt mind too much. Hopefully it all works out for the best. I dont think I would have cared too much about who went. Didnt seem too edgy of a decision to choose anyone over someone else. On this tribe I have Adrian and Devon who I connected with before so I was excited about that because I talked to them in the warzone. I am happy to still be with Madison and timmy, and i am still unsure about Owen. Not much has really changed. I really just need to step up my social game and really get in this game

So I was lucky enough to get 4th and avoid the Warzone but now I have to worry about the possibility of Kait being voted off. I do feel that I am meshing well with my tribe and that's good, especially with Maynor and Corey. If Ian, Stephen or Trace get voted off, I wouldn't mind that much tbh. I feel I got a good connection with Chloe that will help in the long run and it will most definitely help if she ends up on Ard.

I won immunity!!! 20/23 is not bad. Im so happy. I can enjoy and have fun at Disneyland!!! Tomorrow is gunna be great. Im also happy that Adrian and Matt S. won immunity as well. Im hoping that Thomas and Madison are able to survive. Also Stephen as well. But god a huge relief for tomorrow.

Well well! A second swap and I honestly love my new group of 8? Like all of them are amazing people and I have interacted with everyone in some capacity except for Owen and Timmy. Owen, is my TS father- so like it is very very nice to see him here. But like the guy has been immune since the 2nd challenge of the season. He's a challenge threat. He needs to go. But he's really sweet and like should this warzone twist EVER end... he's definitely big on my radar. Timmy on the other hand... the snake evicted me in HoS19. And hasn't been on the tribe chat since the swap was announced and like was so out of the loop that he needed to break a tie between Chloe and Madison.... Like? Damn bro. Pay attention!!! It can't be that bad like seriously, for the hosts needing to call you the fuck out in the Moon Vote results.... like YIKES! Anyway, that is my tea for this past round. Also- I had a big hand in eliminating my vendetta?!?! I'm sooooo glad that I can finally thrive in a TS game without his snakelike tendencies trying to shoot me down every time I'm vulnerable!!! And mami I am so proud!!

Well it has been a while hasn't it. First of all, I apologize for being so utr. I had my graduation this past weekend so I have just been very busy dealing with that. But now that I am done and have all this free time, I feel rejuvenated and ready to make this game my bitch. Let's start with the renee vote. I felt so very bad. I love renee and wanted to go far with her into the game. But alas, Corey told me she was the move so I voted for her. I won't lose any sleep, but I will pour one out for her. Then there was the NEHE VOTE. DING DONG THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD. I am so happy that Nehe went and I didn't have to do anything to get him out. Truly such a blessing, and now I can move forward in this game without any fear. This tribe vote was interesting. I wanted to vote Chloe because I thought that if she was sent to the exile thing, it could be spun well for us either way. If she were to be sent home, it wouldn't be a huge loss to the other tribe because she seems to be their scapegoat anyways. If she is exiled, she might be happy that we did that for her, and we can spin it like we knew a swap was coming. She ended up being exiled, so i look forward to fabricating the truth when I speak with her next. This swap was fine. Swaps don't matter to me because this stupid ass twist makes literally no difference in terms of alliances and who is on your tribe. I guess it was nice to talk to some new faces but otherwise tribes are irrelevant. I knew I would be in the war zone this round, this stupid ass challenge kicked my ASS. Fuck ariana grande. Anyways, I was happy to see that I had a lot of familiar faces here, so hopefully I can use that to my advantage. It was good to see Timmy again. I didnt know i loved what i had until it was gone clearly. I will be working with him for sure. Ian and i have gotten a lot closer, so I also plan on working with him. Other than that, I like MercuryParadox, I like Madison, and I like Thomas. So like, there we have it. I wouldn't mind seeing stephen go. Or like anyone else as long as it ain't me. Okay there we go, i'm caught up. Now give me my winner's edit back.

This swap actually has me a little on edge. I don’t have any real strong bonds and all my allies are on the other side. So winning immunity this round was rather crucial. If we do lose I feel I have a connection without chloe so am actually hoping she comes back to us. It’s not as much about who is on your tribe with the warzone, but it’s good time to build those ties going forward. Madison is still reeling from the Renee vote obviously since she won’t respond to any messages. So trying to avoid a warzone with her in it will be very important. 

Johnny is asking for confessionals and I respect him so heres one. Congrats on graduating Johnny. 🥳 Game wise: i feel like allies are starting to form. I feel like I can trust Adrian Madison and Matt S. Ive been talking to Kait amd Thomas and i get good vibes from them. The whole Kait situation was crazy. I didnt want either of them to go but atleast one is safe. Today is my disneyland trip so im going to enjoy having lots of fun and  not worrying about tribal. 

As of 1:51 pm 5/21, Cullan seems to think Me, Him, Trace, Stephan, and Thomas can work as a 5 this vote to go after either Madison, Stevie, or Timmy.  Real talk I'd love for it to be Madison but I'm not going to press the issue to him at least, I would be good to vote either of those 3 but would rather see Stevie and Timmy stay.  My skeevy fucking ass is actually going to talk to those 3 even harder to keep my name off their tongues as an alternative to the vote.  I need to find out how Trace, Stephan, and Thomas feel, apparently the talk about the 5 happened last night so there is at least one person here sticking up for me as a number with them. Good, I want everyone to think I'm a number for them.

--

As of 4:51 5/21 the debate on who to go is between Stevie or Stephan and I couldn't care less which one of them left.  Stevie goes, that starts bleeding Owen and take an option from him as a number for him losing his sign partner.  Stephan goes that's one more person down that has gone to numerous warzones building relationships and seemed hyper connected at first in this god forsaken place. It's not me, it's not Cullan, it's not Trace, then I don't care.  Hopefully it stays this way and my idol and I survive to ruin a more important tribal.

Stephen vs Stevie - Battle of the Steves..

Ok so the vote should be Stevie so woohoo. Also, Trace told me that apparently Cullan tried spreading my name so I have to stay wary of that. I’m doing well though with not blowing up on him because that’s usually my go to thing when people are saying my name. I noticed that Ian is also trying hard to keep trace safe, it’s something he flat out said to me. I need to keep that in mind as well because it means trace is well connected. For the time being I like working with him and Ian seems cool as well, but Trace will be/is a social threat, so I won’t just blindly ignore that.

This has been an interesting round to say the least. Every time that I come to one of these tribals I get really really nervous because I feel like even though I have some good personal connections with people, they could just try and get out a threat early on (aka me), and leave me in the dust. I'm assuming that this isn't happening this round, but I always expect the worst. I was really excited to see Timmy again. I missed that goofball. I also was happy to see Ian here, I have started to get much closer to him as the game went on and I really do trust him. Everyone else, I don't really care about. Cullen and I talk a lot so I thought it was only natural we would work together. Thomas is butthurt that people called him inactive so I think he's trying to be a little more proactive this round. Madison is irrelevant but she's sweet so yeah. And then that leaves us with Stephen and Stevie. I really feel like this is a situation I've been in before. I would really prefer someone from the other tribe to go, so that way we don't get chloe. She is a scapegoat vote and I would like for the other tribe to have her. So with these options, it was time for me to do what I do best: plant seeds of doubt in people to get who I want voted out, voted out. I want stevie out. I started by agreeing with Ian that this was the best plan. Stevie has been joking about voting me out on my birthday which I know is a joke, but like fuck that I don't even like people joking about it. Timmy will do whatever I want, so that's three. Madison also heard Stevie so there is 4. And then Stephen will vote Stevie to save his ass. I feel bad for Stevie because he thinks we're all voting Stephen and I am being really nice to him about it. It's gonna be tough when he gets blindsided. Although he did just message me saying he felt off because everyone was being really quiet. The good news is that they should be the only two getting votes so if Stevie does play an idol, the votes most likely will fall on Stephen. I just want to survive this War Zone so I can beat my worst placement. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

and i oop! ok so im quite a ways behind here but let's goooooooooo - owen found the advantage thing that he can break a tie or s/t - matt found some fancy idol that has normal powers but allegedly if he plays it at a premerge tribal while another idol is also played a "game changing twist" will occur or something like that......... idk i'd wager that that'd mean the warzone might end if that happens?? but i doubt it'll get played premerge let alone with another idol - on that note i love matt he is my #1 i want him to win - the stupid ass isolation vote should not have been near as difficult as it was. theoretically i had wanted for us to vote as a tribe since we had the numbers and send one of the people from the other tribe but yk we can't have nice things so it became this day long debate over whether or not we should use our numbers advantage, vote madison, or vote chloe / tommy as who we thought the other tribe would vote. it was the BIGGEST fuckening eyeroll ever like no one could agree and then i'd try to elaborate on a specific mindset behind oh well if it's an advantage potentially chloe and madison both jumped down my throat about it so that turned me off of the entire situation completely. up until then i hadn't really spoken to chloe much bc she complained that one time about me messaging her late so she's def not someone i'm looking forward  to playing with going forward. madison, however, i thought i really liked but how hard she was pushing to get picked is a little off, and her instant shutting me down. that brings me to like talking to timmy about it and he was very insistent that we should just vote someone on the other tribe and i'm like sitting there trying to explain to him that if we blatantly vote against the whole group it could potentially look really bad for us but he legit did not care one bit what i was telling him as he voted owen, then again didn't listen when i was like hey you should prob pick madison not chloe and he leroy jenkins'd that shit and picked chloe anyways. i think that says a lot about who he is as a player. got my eye on him!!! - swap sucks. i'm with literally none of my buddies, so i feel like i'm starting from scratch making bonds. i'm just focusing on making some solid friendships and foundations with a few people here. matt had told me that he really trusts maynor so i hit him up first and told him that matt told me good things about him and we had strict instructions!!! to work together lmao but he's kinda quiet but he wished me gl and told me to stay safe when i ALLEGEDLY lost the challenge, so we'll keep working on growing that. corey is easily my fave omg he's so fun to talk to, but i feel like i remember someone in the game telling me to look out for corey, so i''ma keep a close eye on that!! the rest are kinda meh... ian comes off very smart and put together, which again something to keep an eye on bc i'm sure he's doing the same to me. tommy is still boring. - shout out to whoever clocked the error in the results and saving me from going to the warzone. i am manifesting that i will just make it through this twist okay thx. - i did get a chance to meet cullan?? in my brief time in the warzone before they realized results and we just kinda talked about minecraft. idk, definitely felt out of my comfort zone there lol even though i play that dumb game. hmmmmmmm ok i think that's enough explaining LMAO.

Ok, so today’s vote is interesting. Myself and Ian have decided that we need to take out Stevie our. Our numbers are myself, Ian, Stephen, Trace, and Timmy. Stevie is wanting Stephen out and has himself and Thomas. I’m not really sure where Madison lies for this vote. 

[goodknightz]

Get to know me better! :D

Rules:  Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people 

Requested by:@mewringo13​

Uh... I dont really have anyone to tag... so I’m tagging the majority of my followers x) : @dancemuffndance @kyushaenigma @cpurubyheart @katelynfeliciano @camspazz @goblinneko @angeldrinksgreentea-blog @forsythefrontier @megan-elith @raygirlforeverbe @mxduki @sky-aniu @winterwholocks-superchildren

Ready? Set? Go!

THE LAST: 1. Drink: Iced Tea. 2. Phone call: Chinese Take Out x) 3. Text message: My boss asking me to go in early Dx 4. Song you listened to: Schmoyoho’s Love is Like Drugs 5. Time you cried: Umm... I legit can’t remember. I think last time I really cried hard was when my old dog passed away. HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: No 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Nope 8. Been cheated on: Not really 9. Lost someone special: Too many ;~; 10. Been depressed : An unbelievable amount of times 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Only once. I drank way too much when I was venting with my brother. I think I drank half a bottle of tequila by myself. x(((

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: Blood Red, Royal Blue, Electric Green IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: I’ve made a couple 16. Fallen out of love: Yeah Dx. But it was my fault for falling in love so easy to begin with. 17. Laughed until you cried: Hmm, I tend to do that a lot when watching videos with friends xD. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Many times at work. They think they’re being so quiet >.> 19. Met someone who changed you : For sure. Any new friend I make changes me, if just a bit ♥ 20. Found out who your friends are: I’ve always known who my friends are. Anyone who i feel is just playing me I just stop talking to. I don’t play around. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Yeah, just one 

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: The majority of my list. I usually dont add people I dont know unless they know my family or friends to begin with. 23. Do you have any pets: A 1 year old Shi-Tzu and a 30+ year old land Turtle. 24. Do you want to change your name: No. Personally I feel your parents gave your original name out of love. Its disrespectful to want to change it. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: My family took me out to eat at a buffet, then bought me an ice cream cake. Aside from that just chilled in my room talking to friends online. It was a blast. 26. What time did you wake up: Oh boi... I went to sleep late so I woke up at 1:00pm xD 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Talking with a friend and watching videos. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: I’m looking forward to getting the items I bought off amazon. Silver Hair Wax that changes your hair color to silver (easily washes off), Charcoal Toothpaste that apparently whitens your teeth a lot faster than other whitening toothpastes, and a Hario Technica Coffee Syphon x) 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Today, like 5 mins ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Hmm, I used to be extremely shy, so if anything I’d just like to have come out of my shell a bit faster :). 31. What are you listening to right now: Shinedown’s Album The Sound of Madness. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Umm... in real life I actually don’t think so o~o. However I’ve talked to a youtuber called Tom Fawkes Online x). 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: People at work are constantly getting on my nerves. Wish there was less drama in the world. 34. Most visited website: Probably Youtube. 35. Mole/s: I’m actually infested with moles xD. None really big, but I do have bunch all over my body, not even I know how many I have xD. 36. Mark/s: Quite a bit of marks. Stretchmarks on my arms and legs from when I used to do weights in highschool. Strethmarks on my stomach from getting tubby. Scars on my arms, legs, and chest from work, soccer, and football. As well as bite marks from when a family dog attacked me. 37. Childhood dream: I wanted to be a dad. Always thought it was rude that my family laughed at it. But when I matured I understood why they thought it was funny hehe x). 38. Hair color: Brown, although it looks black when wet. I’m starting to grow a couple white hairs though x-x... stress plz... 39. Long or short hair: I like my hair short and tidy :) 40. Do you have a crush on someone: I do, but I don’t know how she feels about me >.< 41. What do you like about yourself: I’m open minded, rational, caring, and straightforward.  42. Piercings: None 43. Blood type: A+ 44. Nickname: I’ve had many o.o. My family called me teddy bear when I was a kid. When I was in elementary other kids called me Chili since I was from mexico. During my edgy phase on highschool I wanted to be called Zero or Dragon. Nowadays all my friends just call me Bro. xD 45. Relationship status: Single ;~; 46. Zodiac: Leo (leader of the Zodiacs :> hehe) 47. Pronouns: To describe me? He/Him Himself/Myself Someone/Somebody 48. Favorite TV Show(s): Oh god way too many. As far as anime goes I’ve rewatched Slayers like 4 times. As far as actual TV shows, I watched a lot of X-Files and Bones growing up. 49. Tattoos: None. I think they’re very cool. Might get one myself one of these days. Whenever I stop being terrified of needles. 50. Right or left hand: I’m right handed. 51. Surgery: I think I’ve never had surgery for anything. Unless Dental Work counts. I had work done of my front top 2 teeth. 52. Hair dyed in different color: Hmm when I was younger there was a hair gel I was using that would change your hair color to blonde over time xD. Aside form that I kind of wanna dye the front part of my hair red. Felt inspired by Markiplier’s many color changes xD 53. Sport: As a kid I played a lot of Soccer and American Football. Aside from that I really loved swimming. 54. ??? This number was missing so... let me invent one. Random interesting fact about yourself, go!: I never studied much in high school and still passed as an AB student. xD   55. Vacation: The last real vacation I had was going to San Diego a year ago to visit a friend and go to Warped Tour x) 56. Pair of trainers: I actually had no idea what this meant so I had to look it up Dx. My favorite type of running shoes have been my Puma Reverbs

MORE GENERAL : 57. Eating: Cookies 58. Drinking: Still Iced Tea xD 59. I’m about to: Go get ready and go out to eat some Ramen and Sushi x) 61. Waiting for: 5 o clock so that Nama Ramen Opens  62. Want: To win the lottery so I don’t have to worry and enjoy life as it was meant to... But more realistically I want a better job so I can afford to do different things. 63. Get married: For sure. I want to make someone very happy x). 64. Career: I work as a shift manager at a pizzeria. However, I want to move up and find something better with the experience I’ve gained working with people. Eventually I want to go back to school to finish my degree on computer programming.

WHICH IS BETTER:  65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs are nice, but kisses are much more intimate ;3 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes for sure. 67. Shorter or taller: Shorter  68. Older or younger: I prefer younger x)  70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Hmm... I’d have to say stomach. 71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive for sure 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship duh. Hook ups are for people who aren’t serious about each other. 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Not actually sure. I think hesitant is better over someone that just makes trouble for fun. HAVE YOU EVER : 74. Kissed a Stranger: No 75. Drank hard liquor: Yes, prefer it over beer. 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Don’t own either... but I might have to get glasses soon. 77. Turned someone down: Yeah, twice. I didnt feel good about myself for doing it, but I didnt see myself with those people. 78. Sex on the first date: Not likely. But who knows, might be a hell of a date xD. 79. Broken someone’s heart: Hopefully not. 80. Had your heart broken: Oh yeah, multiple times. At this point I’ve just adopted the mentality of doing my best and having no regrets when asking someone out. 81. Been arrested: Never, but I was stopped once for speeding. (a whole 5 miles per hour more... thanks rando sheriff, I thought it was BS but I wasnt gonna argue with the cop) 82. Cried when someone died: Yes and No actually. Theres been so many deaths around me that hearing about someone I knew dying doesnt affect me as much. Its just part of life. I’m sad that they’re not around anymore, and I’ll miss them very much. But its just a part of living. 83. Fallen for a friend: Yeah... x3 DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: Yeah, if I dont believe in myself who will. 85. Miracles: Depends on what is meant by miracle. I believe in multiple efforts made by everyone to make something happen, over something like divine intervention. But regardless yes, I do believe miracles can happen. 86. Love at first sight: Although its very rare and not likely to work out, I do like to believe that it can happen between people that live in the moment. 87. Santa Claus: Of course! Not in the concept of the old man spreading gifts across the world in those who believe in him, but more on the idea that if you’re good and behave all year long, a day where you get rewarded for all that effort exists. 88. Kiss on the first date: If the date went well and the mood is right, I dont see a problem with receiving/giving a kiss. But its not something that should be expected as a standard.

OTHER : 90. Current best friend name: My friends JusticeRider and Grayfox07, because they’re always there for me. Honorable mentions are Fiona and Hannah :) 91. Eye color: Milk Chocolate :3 92. Favorite movie: Thats a good question. If we go by whatever movie I’ve rewatched the most, It’d have to be Space Jam since I watched it a lot as a kid. However, the latest movie I watched and enjoyed was Gantz: O. Had a lot of fun watching it with my friend Grayfox xD.

[sameloveuniverse]

valentine’s day asks!

do you have a crush on anyone?

Im in love with my man haha

what’s your favorite candy?

Honestly I eat any candy but frozen  peanut butter cups are pretty fucking bomb

favorite love song?

The Reason by Hoobastank

what was your first kiss like?

Bad and lasted like a half second

what was your last kiss like?

Amazing

sexual/romantic orientation?

Pansexual

do you prefer poems or love letters?

Anything that shows me that someone cares haha

favorite fanfic trope?

I dont read fanfic anymore soooo i dunno

have you ever been in love?

I am right now!

favorite milkshake flavor?

Vanillaaaa with oreossss

dinner dates or brunch dates?

Brunch!

favorite flowers?

Any. Ive never been given flowers so id probably cry even if it was just a bunch of dead weeds

favorite perfume/cologne?

Whatever is cheap and smells good lmao. I usually just get scented lotions

favorite candle scent?

I like musky ones that smell manly haha

what’s your ideal first date?

Honestly anything where we can just sit and talk for a couple hours

favorite love story?

Mineeee

what’s the most attractive thing a person could wear?

Whatever my man wears xD I like skater boys so. That type of stuff I guess

chocolate, vanilla, or red velvet?

Chocolate

snow, rain, or sun?

Sun, but with a breeze

sweetest romantic memory?

Watching my man drive. Theres something about a dude driving thats just drool worthy

favorite dating sim (and favorite character)?

I dont know what this means lmao

fictional crushes?

uhhhhhh Ben Solo

what’s your dream wedding like?

Edgy but romantic, slightly Halloween themed, on a Friday the 13th. Either black dress or a lacy flirty white dress with a leather jacket that says “wifey” on it. 

Yes ive thought entirely too much about this.

what makes you blush?

thinking about my man

do you believe in love at first sight?

nope

do you believe in soulmates?

I didnt until i met my man. Now im reconsidering the possibility haha

denim jackets, leather jackets, or bomber jackets?

Leather is the best, Bombers are cool too, Demin last but id still wear it

what’s your sign?

Leo sun, Aquarius moon, Leo rising

are you single?

Hellllll no

do you prefer to charm, or be charmed?

Both. Depends on who it is and how they act. Or what mood in im

guitar or piano?

I play piano much better but I like guitar more. A bit easier to carry a guitar around than a piano

favorite romcom (or any romantic movie)?

Eternal Sunshine. Though i mean it makes me bawl every time and it reminds me too much of my ex now so its just kinda something i probably wont watch again

do you fall in love easily?

Abso-fuckin-;utely

valentine’s decorations: yay or nay?

Meh. I dont care either way. I dont think id decorate for it on my own

would you prefer to propose or be proposed to? what’s your dream proposal?

I want to be proposed to, but I want to give my man a promise ring so like i dunno haha. I dont want to be proposed to around a lot of people or around family/ friends. It doesnt have to be anything special at all. Like I dont know, Ive always imagined like, being in the bathroom at midnight on new years at a party, its dark and we have drinks in our hands,kissing and listening to the music through the door,and just as the fireworks start, him pulling back from a kiss to ask me, then just going about the rest of the night, happy and in love, keeping it our secret for the rest of the night and not telling anyone else.

cloud gazing or star gazing?

Star gazinggg

do you like to dance?

I did ballet for 15 years, I danced as an exotic dancer for a couple months, and I love slow dancing with whoever Im with. So yeah.

what’s your OTP?

Reylo honestly. Or Johnlock, the OG

kittens or puppies?

Neither

coffee, hot chocolate, or tea?

Coffee

favorite soda?

Dr Pepper!

do you prefer gazing wistfully out the window or lying dramatically over the sofa?

Gazing out the window. Making up stories

favorite ABBA song?

Dancing Queen is the only one I know whoops

favorite pajamas?

Nothing haha. I usually sleep naked or in just my underwear

favorite liquor?

I havent found it yet. Hard cider was good buttttt it didnt lead to a healthy time haha

do you think about love a lot?

Probably too much haha

a walk in the park or a walk on the beach?

Walk anywhere honestly. I love walking and talking

hand kisses or nose kisses?

Nose kisses! Though forehead kisses are the absolute best

what’s your dreamhouse?

Anywhere my man and my son are.

Source:

alfredosayss

[asksansweredpdf]

1:  Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. i don’t have one particular favourite movie per se. but  star wars: i binge watched them at my friend’s house just before the ast jedi came out. i knew nothing about star wars and watched everything within 2/3 days. then, about a week later i watched the force awakens. and that was purely because we decided to watch the last jedi (which had just come out in cinemas) the next day. honestly, i didn’t care for star wars much skdjfhdjk but the force awakens really got me into it. and the last jedi fully sold me. then i went back and rewatched and i loooove the empire strikes back. now they’re my favourite movies. marvel: again, i hadn’t seen any marvel. but i had pretty much every friend i had yelling at me to catch up before end game came out. i loosely planned on watching them, but didn’t really get around to it until i got baked at a friends house and we had nothing to do. so we watched age of ultron and iron man and some others (i was too stoned to remember). i was sold i loved every second. and the fact that i was very high and rdj was very cute didn’t hurt. i went home the next day and watched ragnarok which happened to be probably the best movie i’d ever seen at that point. the next day, we got stoned again and watched infinity war. it was so fucked but amazing. i booked tickets for me and my dad to watch end game this saturday. 

2:  Talk about your first kiss. oh god. i was 15 and there was this guy who i thought was cool. he was a friend of my very gay crush at the time. me and the crush had a falling out later on. and a lot of other fucked up shit happened around that time period. i moved to his (the friend's) neighbourhood as it happened. we got talking because we had the same taste in music. and my best friend at the time put in a good word for me. i didn’t think of him as much more than a friend tbh, but my life was going to shit and i wanted to get out of the house ad have fun. so we organised to meet up at our town’s centre shopping place. i told my parents i was going with [insert random female names here] to hang out since we moved into a new place. they bought it and offered to drive me. i honestly thought we were just going to chill out and eat food. i was also nervous that this was a set up from his friend who was my crush, since the crush hated me and probably would have plotted to do something fucked. however, it turned out not to be a set up. we ended up walking around the suburb. this was much to my disapproval, because i was not very fit and had a strong dislike for exercise. he could tell i was tired and we decided to stop and sit down on this brick wall thing at the corner of a street. there was some terrible flirting on my part, and the next thing i know i was kissing this guy. i was pretty excited because every 15 year old girl wants their first kiss. and especially edgy ones who needed a distraction. i came home with no lipstick and chapped lips. lucky my parents were too busy to notice. 

3:  Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for.  most intense? i could list best friends, but in terms of intensity i think it would be this guy that i moved out with for the first time. i know this sounds terrible, but he was my best friend’s boyfriend at the time. i was pretty sure i was a lesbian at the time and i’m also not fucked up. so i wasn’t expecting this at all. because of the whole gay thing, and me being a flirty shit with anyone, i ended up very shamelessly flirting with him. he was sooo pretty, and im not just saying this. objectively, he is still probably one of the best looking people i’ve ever seen. and i own mirrors. anywayyyy, i took my sister to this lana del rey concert one day. not a lana fan personally, but borns was opening and i like him. turns out i like borns a lot. a hell of a lot. next day, i found myself talking to my best friend and her boyfriend and being like “hey i think i might be bi”. their reaction can be quoted as “oh cool okay.” the night after the concert, we got drunk. not a great idea, because i love to flirt when sober. so when i’m drunk and have literally 0 shame it’s a lot of fun but also an entire disaster. my friend bought her friend over and they were talking, which left me and the bf. the boys started teaching me self defence and were doing the whole smooth thing where they stand pressed up behind you and move your arms for you. they put me into headlocks and taught me how to get out and stuff. i was so drunk the ground kept spinning. a lot of terrible outrageous flirting ensued, like choking, touching adams apples, arm tickles, hugs that lasted 10 minutes while he had a knife in his pocket for whatever reason? more hugs like that but now featuring grinding. we slept in the same bed (just slept. nothing else. don’t get too excited). cuddling while in the same bed. laying on his chest and falling asleep. him playing with my hair. one time he played with my tiddies. this was over the course of like 9 months. whenever we werent 2 seconds away from like ..... jumping each other, we were just flirting in the most unsubtle way. obviously nothing happened, because he had a gf and everything. and as much as i didnt want to, i started to get some reeeeeal feelings. turns out the guy was a dick who only flirted with me whenever his gf wasnt paying attention to me. i later cut the whole thing off, and he started to act like a real dick to me. but yeaaahh. that was some intense shit. 

4:  Talk about the thing you regret most so far. probably not getting a license for any vehicle. that’s held me back so much the last 5 years. i wouldn’t have had to go through half the shit i did, if i could just drive

5:  Talk about the best birthday you've had. my 15th birthday! i had raspberry chocolate bullets, watched movies in class because it was end of term, my friends bought me presents to school. the guy i had a crush on came to where i was sitting and sung a song to me in front of everyone. i think my friend bought me a club penguin membership? i ate pide and played league with crush and crush’s crush.

6:  Talk about the worst birthday you've had. my 18th. i don’t want to talk too much about it because im very drunk atm but basically, i was suuuper depressed already that year. my mum was doing cocaine every spare second she could, and screwing men for it so she could get it for free (of course, none of us knew this at the time). whenever she wasn’t doing coke she was screaming at everyone for like, not taking pictures of her enough, or for eating dinner without asking her, etc. she and my dad were constantly either yelling at each other, or were 2 seconds away from yelling at each other. we went to a clothes shopping outlet. which i very outwardly expressed my hatred for, btw. my mum got mad because my dad told her not to look at clothes, because it was my 18th. my mum didn’t talk for the rest of the time we were in the shopping centre. i could feel the tension rising because they were in the 2 seconds away from having a fight period. i came home and watched sailor moon in my room alone. later my parents brought a cake and lit the candles. dad said to me “my god i am so sorry. this has been the most amazing birthday, hasnt it? you should thank your mother. she’s just the best. i’m so sorry! i never wanted this for you”. and, you know, my coke fuelled mother just screamed her lungs off and gave it right back to him. and my aries dad just yelled right back. and the candles were lit in the dark room and wax was dripping onto my chocolate birthday cake. and i hated chocolate flavoured cake. and i just wanted to run away all day because i knew this was going to happen. and they couldn’t even hold it together for me? or for my 18th? so i just sat there and cried as they screamed at eachother. i blew out the candles and ran into my bedroom and watched vines in my room. the end! :D

7:  Talk about your biggest insecurity. honestly, i don’t have a lot of insecurities. i have a lot of fears, but not insecurities. i guess i’m insecure about my body in certain places. i have a scar from an operation i had when i was 9 and it makes my stomach look chubby, but only on one side? it’s out of proportion and weird. and i have violin hips. 

8:  Talk about the thing you are most proud of. honestly, it’s so simple, but i’m really proud of still being alive. i thought for sure i’d be dead by now

9:  Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. i love my back! it sounds weird, but i have a rly nice waist and my back is sooo soft and smooth and it goes in at the waist and its so nice to touch and look at. and i have really nice and toned legs. and my arms are getting toned now too because my work makes me carry a lot of heavy stuff. and my baby sister is getting bigger and i’m usually the one to hold her. and i have nice hands too. but my favourite thing is my face and hair.

10:  Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had. oh god. not going into much detail about this at all because i spend like 3 or 4 years crying about this. it featured: 2 best friends of mine who i had been friends with for 10 years; my crush at the time; random people off the internet i’d never met before. like i said before, i was a 15 year old with a lot going on. maybe that didn’t make it okay for me to be as annoying as i was, but it’s done now. they all got into a skype group chat together without me. and call it paranoia, but i call it intuition. i knew they were all shit talking me. i could tell there was something up for a while now. they all started changing their online profiles to something that very clearly mocked me, they started making posts about me, and posts that were clearly parodies of my posts. and i sort of went along with it because i dont like to stir up much trouble. but the posts just got worse and worse to where it was like ‘you were so weird and creepy’ and calling me names and stuff. honestly, i can’t even remember anymore because i spend a while blocking it out. but it was pretty mean. but it hurt more because there were all the people i was closest to, all saying fucked up shit about me. and then random people who lived in my city who i didnt know. after the fight ended, we never spoke again. but i spend the next 2 years afraid that i would bump into somebody from online in person and they would recognise me, and the whole thing would happen again

11:  Talk about the best dream you've ever had. tbh i dont remember a lot of my dreams. i usually have nightmares anyway? i think i had a dream i could fly and had like magic powers and stuff. i was 8 or something and it was fun. 

12:  Talk about the worst dream you've ever had. after i moved out of my parents house, i had a lot of nightmares about my mum. again, i don’t remember specifics because i tried to block out the memory, but i remember feeling terrified, and then waking up relieved to remember i was out of there. after that, i started smoking weed which meant no dreaming which was good

13:  Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. i haven’t had like..... sex sex yet. i’ve been almost raped a few times? skfsdkjfl that sounds so cringey. but yeah! i dont know though, i imagine i’ll probably be super drunk for my first time. or maybe high. they make me more confident than usual. and for some reason i dont really like the idea of sex when im sober. i don’t think i’d be willing to be vulnerable with someone unless it was in a circumstance like that, maybe. and i’d be sure i wouldn’t have to see them again later on unless i wanted to. that way if i embarrassed myself, it wouldn’t matter. it would just be a terrible memory no one else would ever have to know about. 

14:  Talk about a vacation. i want one of these answers to not be about a fucked up memory of mine but i ...... truly can’t recall something? i guess there was a christmas i had when i was a kid (maybe around 8 or 10) and i’ll leave out the fucked up bits. but i stayed with my mother’s family and my grandmother owned a holiday apartment thing which had a pool and my uncles had horses and i got to see everyone and my uncles were super funny and let me play video games with them.

15:  Talk about the time you were most content in life. there was this period for about ..... 3 months in my last year of high school just before i graduated. all my assignments were over, and my major works were all finished. i was just putting the finishing touches on them. and all i had to do was study for exams. i got into the swing of school. and my friend got her license so she used to drive us places after school and we would hang out and do dumb shit together. i didn’t care what anyone thought of me because i knew i wouldn’t have to see them again in 6 months unless i wanted to. the next time was this few months after i’d just moved out of my parent’s house. probably 4 or 5 months. i had been dreaming of having my own place for like, my entire childhood. and i finally did! and it was with my best friend and this guy i really liked. and all i did was go to uni for a few hours a day. and then that was it! my time was all my own to do whatever i wanted with. i didn’t have a lot of money but i was so so so happy. i used to take myself to the movies. i was in walking distance of a train station and uni. so i could go wherever i wanted, whenever i wanted. i just felt so free

16:  Talk about the best party you've ever been to. the first part of my house-warming party was probably the best. i got really drunk, and someone’s mum brought weed so i was reeeeeally drunk and then reeeeeally high. i was dressed in the cutest outfit and a few people were flirting with me. actually, i think i made out with like 3 different people that night. and my friend bought me flowers! which i loved because no one had ever bought me flowers before. and we went to the park and i was so high and drunk and the little swing ride i was on felt like a rollercoaster. 

17:  Talk about someone you want to be friends with. hmmmmm to be honest, i’m trying not to make friends at the moment. i have a lot of other stuff i need to focus on. and having friends only leads to disappointment and heartbreak. i have a few friends i’ve accidentally made, but i’m trying to keep my distance from them so that we’re just ‘friends’ and not ‘good friends’ or anything like that. but secretly, i do love them a lot. 

18:  Talk about something that happened in elementary school. me and my best friend at the time were doing a school play about mary the saint (i went to catholic school). there were 3 of us: me, my best friend, and some guy who didnt have friends so we let him in our group. anyway, i wanted to play mary, but for whatever reason, this dude reeeeeeally fucking wanted to be mary. he started like yelling and stomping and being like “NO! i want to be mary!” and then just as he stomped his foot, a branch from a tree fell right on his head. and, without missing a beat, my friend goes “well, that branch hit you on the head so now you can’t be mary” and i laughed my ass off and he cried 19:  Talk about something that happened in middle school. omg these are all going to be funny stories because why not. so this one time in like 6th grade, we had to use calculators to do some complex maths work. and there was this one calculator that kept fucking up and giving the wrong answers. i  knew enough basic maths at that point to know that the calculator was faulty. anyway so me and my friends gave it to this other kid just to punk him a little right. turns out he didn’t realise it was a broken calculator and he finished his work and handed it in to the teacher, and proceeded to get in trouble sjlfsorerjlksjr

20:  Talk about something that happened in high school. omg so in high school i did this multimedia class. so we would film events like chapels (i went to a christian high school) and assembly, etc. and what we filmed would go on the big screens for everyone to see. kinda like a concert. and anyway, one time this kid got in trouble in front of everyone, and my classmate did this dramatic zoom on our multimedia teacher as he stormed out of the auditorium, dramatically walking out to get the kid in trouble

21:  Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. oh so this one time after i finished school i started going through rough patch #2 and i just needed a friend to talk to. and this guy from school was sort of the only friend who kept checking up on me and inviting me out places. and i liked that. i didn’t always have enough energy to do stuff or talk, because, depression. but i appreciated the fact that he cared. never thought much about it. until one day, we hadn’t spoken for like a month and he tells me suddenly that he has feelings for me. and of course, that’s so sweet and i did love the guy. but i wasn’t in the headspace for a relationship at all. i really just needed a friend. and i felt so terrible

22:  Talk about your worst fear. my worst fear ever? it used to be dying. but i think now it’s just having to go through what i went through again. my worst fear would be being a child again and being at the mercy of others and having to rely on them. my worst fear is trusting people and having them completely fuck you up. again and again. and not being able to do anything about it because you need them. 

23:  Talk about a time someone turned you down. hoo boy. i was 15 and made friends with someone on the internet who turned out to go to my school. developed a crush on him, but he was very gay. i ended up telling him for whatever reason. and that went just about the way you’d think

24:  Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

i don’t know. most people don’t know what they’re talking about when they give me advice. and i’m not saying that to be arrogant, but just most people haven’t been through much and not to sound self-pitying but i’ve been through a lot in a short amount of time. these are just facts here. so i don’t really believe what people say. i used to have this friend who was and will probably always be the only person who could ever make me laugh. genuinely. it felt like soulmates, but i was like a kid. but we had exactly the same sense of humour, and she was so witty and quick and would always have the best comedic timing. i really admired her and still do. anyway, one time she called me effortlessly funny. and that meant a lot then and still does now. 

25:  Talk about an ex-best friend. i just did, but sure. i’ll keep talking about her because i’m already thinkig of her. i’m pretty sure she was a capricorn rising. she had this really deadpan humour and it was always hilarious. we were friends since we were 4 years old. and i dont think i appreciated it as much as i should have at the time, but we really did grow up together and in each others arms. she was very cool and closed off and serious. and i got to see her funny and silly side. but what was even cooler than that was that i got to know her emotionally. she had a twin, and looking back, i don’t think her twin even saw as much of that as i got to. we used to have talks about anything and everything. you know those people who you can stay up all night laughing with and talking to and it doesn’t even feel like it’s been 10 minutes and all of a sudden the sun is coming up? but it was so effortless and fun and. yeah. it was like that. i still haven’t met anyone like that since. we later had a falling out and i met her again after like a year but we both had our walls up and that’s sort of when i realised how much we really trusted each other. you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone kinda thing. 

26:  Talk about things you do when you're sick. complain. bitch. complain some more. i usually buy nasal spray because having a blocked nose is SO ANNOYING. and otherwise, i don’t mind being sick too much. like obviously it’s not ideal but you do what you can. if i’m truly annoyed with being sick, i just sleep so i don’t have to be awake to deal with it

27:  Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body. i love girls tummys and waists

28:  Talk about your fetishes. idk i like some light bondage, light choking, a biiiiit very much maybe potentially kinda into rapeplay, and spanking is fun

29:  Talk about what turns you on. most of what turns me on is like dom/sub power dynamics. im into scanarios that have a looooot of sexual build up and tension. it’s pretty much foreplay for me personally. especially if it’s like flirty banter or implications, and dirty talk can be fun if done right. 

30:  Talk about what turns you off. absolutely not into anal at all. complete turn off. not at all into the thing where people get off on girls acting like kids, or people who think fucking someone who is asleep is hot. idk i like most normal shit tbh. anything else is probably weird for a reason

31:  Talk about what you think death is like. i think it’s probably the most painful experience you’ll ever have physically. and then everything goes black and that’s it

32:  Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. i remember my childhood house’s backyard. it was massive and had like a step in the middle where the grass changed levels. there was a swingset with a slide. and for the majority of my childhood my parents were doing renovations, so there were lots of holes in the backyard that we used to dodge. we used to catch lizards and i used to collect bird feathers. and at the very back, right in front of the back fence, my parents planted little trees and chillis

33:  Talk about what you do when you are sad. i immediately find the fastest way to be alone. i immediately listen to music. i drink or smoke or get high on something. or i try to make myself laugh if i’m at work and can’t do either of those things. if i can’t make myself laugh, i try to talk to a customer and pretend to be happy hoping that whatever they have to say will distract me from whatever i’m sad about. 

34:  Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured. eugh. every year i somehow get sent to the hospital because i can’t stop vomiting. i dont know how because its always for different reasons. but i always end up puking an excessive amount on an annual basis. the worst pain is when you can’t stop vomiting, so your stomach just cramps and cramps and cramps and you vomit but nothing happens and it just cramps again. it’s literally worse than period cramps. and mine are so bad.

35:  Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. having anxiety. i overthink a lot which doesnt help either. the thing is that i studied psychology, and i still don’t know how to stop myself from being so anxious. like i know how much it affects my work and stuff but i just can’t stop feeling like i’m about to die at any given second.

36:  Talk about your guilty pleasures. drinking, drugs, smoking, im not even guilty about those. idk. to quote niall hora- i mean pink, i’m not guilty about any of my pleasures

37:  Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. an old best friend. different to aforementioned best friend. we were friends for 6 years. not as close as the other one, but close as i’ve been to someone since. we were both depressed and going through stuff and both flirted with each other just for shits and gigs. idk. i think we really only bonded because we were both depressed and suicidal and having someone else around who is going through the same stuff makes everything so much more bearable. once i stopped being depressed i stopped being as close and as in love. but at the time, it was really nice and beautiful, we truly could talk about anything together. i could have opened with “i love being dominated in bed” instead of “hello” and she would have just rolled with it. we used to dream about the future together and hold hands and hug. idk. we used to just hang out together and there was never any pressure to do anything or be anyone. it was just us being our dorky selves.

38:  Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. goodbye stranger by supertramp reminds me of above mentioned friend, two of us by the beatles reminds me of first mentioned best friend, and i love her by the beatles reminds me of this friend group i had for 10 years. princess by shortstack reminds me of this friend i had for a few years who i almost had a thing with because i knew she liked me but neither of us ever said anything. 

39:  Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier. i wish i’d have known that it’s not a good or admirable trait to be so open with people so quickly. you shouldn’t immediately show people that you trust them or like them, and you definitely shouldn’t get so excited about things for them. it makes you look naive and they will definitely just use you.  i wish i’d known to get my license earlier i wish i’d have known what weed was like earlier. it really would have helped me out a lot.

40:  Talk about the end of something in your life. the end of high school was really hard. i know a lot of people hated high school. and i did. but once i got to my final 2 years, i had this confidence that comes with being older in school and it was really nice. i love the routine we had and the forced structure school made you have in your life. i enjoyed mucking around with teachers and that feeling of starting assignments before they’re due. being at school was nice because i mostly kept to myself and was generally well-liked. so i had this big support system that got me through a lot. and school ending meant that the support i had also ended. and then i had nothing and nobody and went through so much and had to be alone for it all. the end of school coincided with the worst period of my life #2, probably because i was at home to experience a lot more.