#i would give anything to go back to being able to fuck around at the beach all summer
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Obsessed - Part 9 (Azriel x Reader)
Summary: After Azriel's mother reprimands him, he orchestrates another coincidence that leads to a reconciliation.
Warnings: Y/n being a bit naive and delulu. Azriel being the hopeless billionaire still in love because we all deserve a man like this. Azriel saying fluffy and corny things because we deserve men who say such things to us.
Word count: 3.6k
Click here for Obsessed (Masterlist)
****
“You insensitive little shit.” Such a pleasant woman, his mother. “How dare you violate someone’s privacy?”
“Mum, I-”
“And this is how you approached her?” Clearly, Azriel’s mother had no intention of letting him speak.
“I-”
“There are many ways to meet new people, Azriel. The most common one being that you could’ve gone up to her and politely introduced yourself.”
“She would’ve rejected me.”
“She should definitely reject you after the stunt you pulled.”
“How-”
“The audacity. . .” Needless to say, Azriel received a scolding for the next seventeen minutes. “Leave her alone, Azriel. You’ve hurt her immeasurably. Your devotion does not compensate for that.”
“I want her in my life.”
“Then start by giving her some space. Let her sort out her feelings.”
“She’s hurting.”
“You hurt her, in case you forgot.” Like his mother would ever let him forget. “And don’t creep around in your building’s common areas just to see her.”
“Yes.”
“If I hear anything otherwise, I will stop baking pineapple cake for Christmas.”
For those of you unfamiliar with Azriel, this was the most effective way to threaten him. With his favourite dessert. Or the lack thereof.
“Yes, mum.” But Azriel’s mind had already begun concocting ideas. He was the Chairman of Umbra for fuck’s sake. If he could run a billion-dollar empire, he could definitely get Y/n back.
“If you run a billion dollar empire then I gave birth to you. Mark my words, Azriel. If you loiter around her like an aimless fool, I will burn my recipe book.”
His mother was a pleasant woman. Her threats did not involve bodily harm. But whether he’d be able to have his mother’s homemade desserts was still debatable. “I’ll call you later. It’s my turn for the appointment.”
“Bye, mum.”
“Maintain your distance.” And she ended the call.
Azriel supposed Y/n would definitely like his mother as a mother-in-law. His mother would have a daughter to dote on and he could simply watch the two of them chatter while sipping coffee.
Y/n had an internship. At a university in another European country. As a research assistant to a professor. For three months. Then she’d return to her own university in the city where they first met and fell in love.
Well, he fell in love and she was unaware but not to worry, everything would be fine.
****
Azriel knew for certain that his events management abilities were applause worthy. Why wouldn’t they be?
Because the way he orchestrated his meeting with Y/n and ended up being her neighbour was something.
And now, he’d orchestrate a few more events.
Y/n’s internship had ended.
It was a good thing for her professor that he was a well mannered, decent human being. Else, Azriel would’ve definitely intervened in a manner that wouldn’t have ended well.
And now, she was back in the same city. She had just begun the second year of her master’s program.
Wonderful.
In three weeks, the reclusive chairman of Umbra would give his first guest lecture in a university.
Was it a coincidence that this was the same university Y/n attended? Absolutely not.
Because Azriel did not wait around for things to happen. He made things happen.
That’s how he reached where he was and he was definitely not going to be discouraged.
She’d begun to shine again during her internship. Friends, both new and old, helped her navigate life.
He hadn’t contacted her per his mother’s instructions.
Some days, he’d just randomly opened their chat. He’d see her online and sometimes, he’d type but he never sent a message. And he never received one either.
Azriel sighed.
He looked at his choice of clothes for his guest lecture. The topic was his latest collaboration with Rhysand’s Velaris Corp to acquire Hewn Inc.
He had to look so jaw droppingly handsome that Y/n would fly into his arms and they could run off into the sunset together.
Black was his colour.
He knew it.
And Y/n found him hot in black.
So it was decided. Black trousers, sweater, long trench coat.
That’s how he found himself on the stage of an auditorium, holding a mic, giving a lecture, and answering questions posed by eager and foolish students alike.
The lecture had ended. Some students and faculties stayed back for follow up questions. Azriel patiently answered all of them when he saw her.
Y/n.
And he was hers.
Immediately and undoubtedly hers.
What a sad time it was when he was not hers. A sad time spanning twenty-nine years of his life.
“Excuse me.” And Azriel made his way towards her. But then he stopped when her gaze found him.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
He wasn’t prepared for this.
He thought he was but he wasn’t.
He hated it.
The sight of her entire body seized by the grief of his betrayal. Her emotions all over her face for him to read that Y/n had most definitely not moved on from him.
Someone covered her from his line of sight. A face turned back with the glare of a demon. Nesta Archeron.
He sighed. And Nesta seemed offended that her glare had resulted in a sigh. She turned back and took his Y/n away.
Azriel looked up at the sky as he pulled out his phone. He still didn’t look at the device.
The evening pinks and violets painted the sky. Clouds were scarce. The moon was readying for its appearance. And Azriel was brooding.
A call came. A different ringtone. The one he’d set for her.
“How many more lies?” A soft voice whispered. He knew she was referring to him not telling about his designation in Umbra. She’d thought him an ordinary employee.
“As many as it takes to ensure your safety.” He breathed.
“Why are you here?”
“Guest lecture.”
“And it happened to be right here?”
“Yeah.” It would happen anywhere she was. Guest lectures, conferences, and whatever the fuck that would give him a chance to see her and breathe the same air as her.
A pause. The wind whispered something to him and danced with his hair for a while. “You’re beautiful.”
Silence.
The call continued. And he felt oddly chaotic and calm.
“Go away, Azriel.”
“I cannot take impossible requests.”
“Then take impossible orders and make it possible.” Y/n was firm. “Leave me alone.”
“I cannot.” And he knew his voice was shaky.
“Why?”
“I need to know you’re safe, comfortable, and happy. It’s all that keeps me sane in your absence.”
“What if I meet someone else?”
His breath hitched. “Safe, comfortable, and happy, Y/n. That’s where my selfishness for you extends.”
“And you’re selfless in other areas?”
“You ended our relationship, Y/n, not my feelings. I will be jealous. I will be angry. But I will prioritise your safety, comfort, and happiness.”
He’d limit it to that. Let her think that his feelings were warm and fuzzy like that favourite blanket of hers and not a mad obsession luring him into an abysmal terrain.
She did not need to know that he’d dismember and torture and slowly kill anybody who thought they had a chance with her.
Azriel heard a sob. Some core part of him cracked. He looked in the direction where she had disappeared to with Nesta. She was not there.
He wanted to comfort her.
Hold her and tell her not to cry because he’d make it all better.
But he was the reason for her tears.
So he remained silent.
Her cries slowly stopped and he heard footsteps through the phone. “What are you really doing here?”
“I want to see you.” The footsteps paused. She was probably standing somewhere.
“You saw me.” She immediately threw the words as if they were an accusation.
“Didn’t see you enough.”
She remained silent. Azriel really couldn’t believe he’d said that. He was a master at controlling his emotions. At least, until Y/n.
“Why didn’t you tell me about Umbra?”
“I wanted to hog you for myself. Not for the man who owns Umbra.”
“You are that man.”
“I’ve always been Azriel. I did not own Umbra all my life.” The pain of being an illegitimate child suddenly came to the forefront of his mind.
“And now it’s an inseparable part of you.”
“Not as inseparable as you think.” Because he’d leave it all behind for her.
“I liked you, Azriel.” Everything paused. The pain in her voice made it all too evident that she still liked him. “I really did but this. . . This is just. .”
“I want another chance, Y/n.”
“How can you ask such a thing?”
“Another chance with you knowing the full extent of what I will do for you.”
“And what is this extent?”
“There’s no extent.”
“What?”
“There’s no extent, no line, no limit on what I will do for you.” And even if there was an extent he couldn’t recall right now, he knew Y/n was not unreasonable enough to demand for it. And if she was, then he’d simply comply.
“Does that extent also include violating my privacy? Disrespecting me? As long as you’ve secured my safety and happiness?”
“There’s no line I won’t-”
“The problem wasn’t the line. The problem wasn’t Umbra. The problem was you hiding it all from me. The problem was you not asking my permission, not considering my feelings, while digging up everything about me like a mole rat.”
Azriel remained stunned.
How had this slipped past him?
He’d thought he was careful with her feelings. And so, he’d resolved to only tell the good things. Things that wouldn’t be troublesome for her while wanting to know all about her and her problems so that he could eliminate them and make life easier for her.
But was this a true relationship where he carried the burdens and she carried the joy?
Weren’t they supposed to carry their lives together no matter the good or the bad?
“You hide things from me but you want to know everything about me so you just get someone to find it all.”
“I’m truly sorry, Y/n. I should’ve told you everything.” And since he hadn’t, he’d lost her. “I was desperate to have every bit of you.” But that desperation hadn’t entitled him to all those bits. “I’m sorry for violating your privacy.” He should’ve waited to know everything that comprised this wonderful woman. “I couldn’t wait. And I’ve now lost you.”
“What am I even supposed to say?”
“You don’t have any obligation to say anything.”
“I have no obligation to listen to you.” No, she didn’t. This call was just an act of mercy she granted owing to her own feelings for him that she couldn’t control.
“Thank you for listening.”
“I suppose you have more to say.”
“I do.” He really wanted to say these words at their wedding.
“Let’s meet.” She sniffled. “I want to know what exactly you know about me.” In the background, he could hear Nesta telling Y/n against it.
“When are you free?” She gave him a time and venue. And Azriel motioned to the assistant who’d accompanied him that they were leaving. “I’ll meet you there.”
Silence prevailed. The only sound was his own footsteps.
“Why are you not ending the call?”
“I’ve never ended any of our calls.” Because he’d always wanted to hear her voice. Even if she had anything to say at the last minute. They’d done that many times.
“Bye.” And he couldn’t help his sad sigh. Azriel walked over to the venue even though there was time.
****
Y/n was getting the lecture of her life. Nesta was incessantly rambling while she got ready.
She’d spotted Azriel outside the Department of Business Studies after her classes had ended and she was heading back to her flat shared with her friend.
“You have to be careful with him. Are you listening to me?” Nesta placed her hands on Y/n’s shoulders.
“Yeah.” She slumped against her best friend.
“And it does not matter if he’s devilishly handsome or sexy or you had the best sex of your life with him or if you like him or love him or he likes you or loves you or-”
“I’ll be fine.” Nesta really didn’t have to remind her about Azriel’s attractiveness.
“Really?” Nesta didn’t say it out loud but she knew her well enough. Her friend definitely thought that Y/n would reconcile with Azriel.
“Yeah.”
Nesta took her in a hug. “Got your pepper spray?”
“Mhm.”
“So the first thing you do is to spray it. Spray it all over his unnecessarily pretty face.” Y/n remembered the first time she’d talked to Nesta about Azriel and she’d used the words ‘unnecessarily pretty’ to describe him.
“I’m going there to talk.”
“Then spray it on his eyes and ears.”
“All right.” Y/n chuckled. She knew her friend was furious at this man she’d never even met.
It had taken her a while to revive herself. The depth of her feelings for Azriel revealed itself to her only upon his betrayal.
And she felt like she was heading to war. It probably was, in a sense.
Y/n reached the park ten minutes before but she loitered around, her nerves wracking and snapping against her, telling her to leave.
“Y/n.” She’d recognise that voice. She was weak for him like that.
Y/n turned and saw him dressed for a funeral. In black.
Any other day and she would’ve thought he looked hot but today when she was a miserable mess with no rein over her feelings, she worried for herself.
Was he going to kill her and chop her body and scatter the pieces in some sewer like he’d done with her heart?
“Azriel.” Yep. She sounded weak. Affected.
He took a step forward, the leaves crunching beneath his shoe. Y/n took a step back.
This conversation was definitely going to be difficult.
“Would you like me to remain at a distance?” He asked, gently. And she was reminded of the times when this man simply clung to her frame because he didn’t want to let go. In bed, the bath, all around their apartments.
“Yes.” She breathed. “What do you know about me?”
And he narrated her own story.
About her pathetic family, her horrifying mother, her counselling sessions from high school, all the people who hurt her, all the people she’d ever befriended.
He knew everything that had ever been documented about her.
At the end of his revelation, she simply closed her eyes and sighed.
“I won’t tell anyone.” He promised solemnly. Was his word worth anything now? Or wasn’t it?
“Am I supposed to trust that?” She dryly asked. And with those words, she’d hurt him. She saw the hurt painted on his face like a dark stain. And fury pumped through her veins.
“You’re not entitled to feel hurt.” How dare he pretend he was the victim here? “Not after this.” She stood up and grabbed her sling bag and phone. Azriel immediately stood up. “I. .” But she really had nothing to say.
Y/n didn’t know what he was going to do with all that information. But maybe it didn’t matter since he had the resources to do that to anyone. He could keep tabs on her for the rest of her miserable life.
Even then, no matter how long and hard she thought about it, she didn’t mind.
She didn’t mind him keeping tabs on her.
She didn’t mind him knowing where she was and what she was doing. She’d told him enough of that herself while they were together and happy.
In a way, she understood it. Maybe she even liked it.
Y/n was honestly only bothered by him hiding this. By him digging her past out of a box she wasn’t ready to open in front of him.
Was this devotion?
Or simply madness?
“I won’t tell you that I wouldn’t do it if we went back in time because I would.” Oh, he was hell bent on making this difficult.
“You could’ve told me.” She whispered. “That you were having me followed.”
Y/n closed her eyes and inhaled deeply before she continued.
“And you should’ve waited for me to tell you everything.” All that fucked up part of her, a product of her mother’s parenting skills. “You have the nerve to dig into my past and yet, you kept yours hidden. You’ve kept your life hidden from me and I respected that.”
Y/n held up a hand when she saw Azriel open his mouth to speak. He had such a beautiful mouth. She wanted him to kiss her.
“I’m not interested in you knowing everything and that too without my knowledge and permission while I know nearly nothing about you. And before you ask, information on Google does not count.”
“I’m an illegitimate child.” What?
Y/n remained shocked as Azriel told her his story. Of how his father and brothers mistreated him and his mother, how he killed them before he took over Umbra.
“Why did you tell me? You had no obligation.” Gods, she really was weak for this man. And for him to be so emotionally vulnerable in front of her made her want to hug him.
“Because now I realise that a romance is also to be a partnership. It shouldn’t be me knowing everything while you live obliviously. You have as much right to know.”
Yep, she was doomed.
Her resolve was faltering. And she was feeling and falling.
The hot chocolate in front of her that she’d ordered as a formality was cooling down.
“One chance.” She whispered, praying silently that he wouldn’t break her heart again. “And that will be your last one.”
****
Azriel knew failure. Many different types of it. He’d known it when he failed his first test. When he lost his first fight. When his applications were rejected. When he had been rejected by friends, girlfriends, his father, his half-brothers, his stepmother.
So much had been taken from him. And he’d been pushed to the edge of the world before he found the resolve to stand up. It was the sight of his mother cringing in front of his father.
And then he concocted his wonderful five-year plan. At the end of it, Umbra was his. His mother, safe and comfortable. His father and half-brother, dead. And that wretch of a stepmother, practically exiled.
And then he’d lost Y/n, truly and completely.
Azriel wanted Y/n. He’d spent the best few months of his life with her.
She made him endlessly happy and he tried his best to do the same for her.
He knew her presence in his life was a privilege. But now it seemed like he’d never taken that privilege seriously and had never respected it in the manner he should have.
So when she gave him one last chance, he’d been revived. His posture changed, eyes widening. Every movement right then felt as though he was rising from the grave or a coffin and returning to the land of the living.
Honesty. That would now be an integral part of this relationship. There would be no excuses. And then he remembered something he’d caused.
Azriel debated telling her but since secrecy had never worked in his favour in this relationship, he made his decision. “So, remember your ex?”
Y/n frowned. “Which one?”
“The one from college.” He was unprecedentedly nervous.
“Yeah.”
“The one roped into a tax fraud.”
“Yeah?” Y/n blinked and leaned forward. “You did that?”
Azriel nodded quietly. She slumped back into her seat and sighed. “Well, he’s no longer my concern. Do I have to convince you to move on from him?”
“He hasn’t gotten enough.”
“And he deserves no effort from anybody, the good or the bad. Anything else you want to tell me?”
“I’ve never had a proper relationship before.” Her eyes widened and she kept looking at him as if she’d never seen him before. Why would she do that?
“How come?”
Why was she asking such a question? Wasn’t it obvious why he’d never been in a proper, serious relationship. “Because I’d never met you before.”
Silence prevailed. Y/n looked away in that adorable manner of hers, clearly blushing. And Azriel couldn’t help his smile. “Does that surprise you?”
She glared at him and then stood up. The evening wind was cool and felt pleasant on her face. Y/n looked around, finally noticing the park around her.
People were in pairs, walking or simply sitting. Couples, most likely.
And then there was her. With him. On a bench. Sitting at a distance. Azriel really wanted that distance to vanish. So he called her name.
Y/n looked back at him and he was already looking back at her. “I swear to all the hot chocolate in the world, Azriel. If you ever pull a stunt like this, I’m leaving you.”
He took a step forward. And another. She did not move from her place. “May I?”
“Yes.” She breathed, eyes closing. Memories sprung forth like a fountain from all the times they'd kissed.
He pressed his lips on her forehead before promising. “I won’t pull a stunt like this. Ever. And if you do leave me, you will be leaving with my heart as you did three months ago.”
“And you’ll give guest lectures to see me even after that?” Y/n leaned into his touch and smiled. The first smile in months. He felt some semblance of peace settle in his heart.
“A Ted Talk, if needed.” Azriel smiled at her faintly. And behind his smile, he really hoped for their future.
****
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Hi OTNF and everyone,
I am finding that it's harder and harder and harder to get into anything - book, show, movie... most things seem, you know, to just not be doing it for me, be it fanfic or original stuff.
In part, I think, it's a general restlessness and that it's become harder to give anything enough time to get into the stories, the characters, the settings, the narrative voices... I guess you can call it attention deficit on my part, just a need for stories to deliver those sweet, sweet hits quickly, but they're not.
I'm not currently ficcing but I did for years (might again in the future, who knows), and it's made reading, specifically, harder. It's like I've become more aware of what goes on behind the scene, I guess? I feel like I can see the writer giving up on a sentence, skipping a scene because fuck this, trying hard to not repeat a word although it's the only one that fits, etc.
Or maybe it's just the *everything* around us in the world that is weighing on me too much? I could say it's adult life, but then again I have more free time than most (and boy do I need hours of doing nothing to survive the other hours), and no family/partner (all that would put even more pressure on me): what is wrong, to make everything so UGHHH?
I feel like I'm stuck in a rut with a brain moaning feed me, feeeed me, and whatever I try to give it, it spits everything out. (Yes, I've tried hobbies, and nothing sticks there either. I've never really found rewards or satisfaction there, so...)
Decades ago as a kid, I was a voracious reader, although studying literature took the pleasure of it away from me. It took time and discovering fanfic that brought me back to reading, but at the time the internet was starting to be a thing, too, and it can't have helped the attention thing. AFAIK I'm not ADHD but then again, I couldn't get a proper diagnosis (the therapists I saw were either dismissive or just about The Talking, which was pointless for me).
I just wonder how it all disappeared, you know? Sometimes I find something that catches my attention for a while - a book (but I read quite quickly when motivated), a fandom... but it's been a while now, and it's just so frustrating! When is it going to come back? Will it ever? *gulp*
I know that books were escapism when I was a child, and then fandom was escapism, but at the moment I find myself grabbing at air and my empty hands are mocking me. Give me my escapism baaaaack!
So, uh. Anyone here with me?
--
Yes.
I felt like that during part of lockdown. Anhedonia is common in those kinds of circumstances.
Getting your mojo back is certainly possible, but you may need to go see a professional about depression and have some chemical assistance (yes, even if you don't feel sad per se), or you may need to change your lifestyle to one that doesn't have the thing causing you to need eleventy billion hours of downtime.
Aside from serious interventions like that, you can consider a social media detox. Remove every source of doomscrolling and time wasting of that type. When the attention span is zero and nothing brings joy, the tiny and useless hits from finishing a game of solitaire or seeing one more instagram post become very attractive. This is a trap. It will suck what little energy and joy you have and make your muscles flabby for the work of getting into an in-depth book/hobby/experience.
I know the feeling of being able to see how the sausage is made, but... well... first, being in a better mental state will make that matter less, and second, reading prose that is more competent will make that less of an issue. A lot of mainstream tradpub genre fiction is not, in my opinion, very well written these days. Obviously, people are still enjoying it, and that's fine, but if you're noticing writers fumbling around, it might be time to check out some literary fiction or some other category known more for prose quality than anything else.
It's also important to have some structure and some things to look forward to. Even if you feel tired, overwhelmed, and busy, sometimes, the answer is to do more... But it must be things that are distinct and significant and that get you off of the couch, like going to one museum every weekend.
I saw some advice once about this kind of thing that phrased it as "One big adventure; one small adventure."
Every week, you should have those two things to look forward to that matter. Check out a new coffee shop. That could be the small one. Go to an event: a gallery opening, a concert, whatever.
Physical exercise and doing some things that aren't as verbal and conscious thought-involving is important too. Painting is a better hobby for zoning out than writing is. Taking long walks in nature is good for most people.
--
The kind of intense, obsessive love I had for reading as a child and that I sometimes have for fandom requires a lot of attention and some time. It's escapist, but that masks how much work it actually was. It didn't feel like work only because we were in training.
If you've filled your brain and your day up with a thousand petty annoyances or minor and useless attempts to feel something, you won't have the capacity for those deeper things.
Because you are already at a point that's equivalent to a bad sprained ankle, trying to get back to running right now won't work. You have to stay off of the ankle for a bit, then build your strength and stamina back up.
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Diamond Boy (DTM)!
Onyankopon x Black Coded Character✌️🏾
Summary: After realizing that she has feelings for her handsome plug, Milana decides to give in to her rapidly growing crush for him, but what happens when things get a bit too intimate too fast?
Warning MDNI!: First date fluff mostly! Mentions of thigh riding, Praise and Dirty Talk, Mentions of smoking weed, Mentions of food, Original character with original descriptions.
Masterlist:🍃
Word Count: 6.8k
First kisses were supposed to be awkward, a little disappointing, and definitely nerve wracking. Too much tongue, or not enough passion, at least something that you could go and tell your friends about so you don’t sound like you’re already falling for a person you’ve only kissed. At least a little funny cringey moment to keep it lighthearted and easy, nothing like the kiss Milana and Ony shared.
It started so sweet, his lips pressing so softly over hers that she questioned if this was actually happening. Her first kiss, clutching the most gorgeous flowers she’d ever received, holding onto an even more beautiful boy. Her hand, shaky with anxiousness, raised to rest over the side of his face, thumb sliding over his cheek to feel his warm skin and ground her enough to savor every second.
Something about that made everything change in an instant, Ony pressing forward with determined movements, practiced ease getting the best of her. He easily took the lead, capturing her again and again, using a hand on her chin to help her keep pace with him. Her other hand held onto his bicep, feeling like she was going to topple over if they continued, neither of them thinking about anything else in the moment besides the electric feeling that came when they connected.
Moving in sync to deepen it further, until they pulled apart with nasty smack, both taking large breaths to cool down. It seemed like Ony couldn’t get enough though, giving her two quick pecks to her pursed lips, her eyes dreamy and looked like they were swirling with hearts.
“Fuck.” He groaned, purring low right in her face, biting down on his lip to contain himself from doing too much in public. His eyes scanned around to make sure no one was looking, lazily combing the area until they landed back on hers, another smile on his face that made her feel a lot lighter. “You be getting niggas caught up, huh?”
Her face scrunched up, smacking her lips as Ony laughed, a hand coming to cover up his smile as Milana pushed him away. “No.” She rolled her eyes at him, joining in on his sniggering, not being able to hold back her joy for long. “I don’t even date.” The admission wasn’t as bitter as she thought it would be, just a shrug off that she wasn’t so concerned about.
“This is a date, Ma. What ‘you think I’ve been trying to do all day?” He wiggled his brows at her suggestively, standing up to get out of his crouched position, moving back to sit and actually start eating.
“What? This is not a date. You have to ask a girl first, Ony.” She exclaimed as he dropped down, not knowing if he was eyeing her or his ribeye in hunger. “Besides, how do you know I wanna go on a date?” Deciding it was better to join him instead of staring, she laid her flowers down to pick up her silverware with a teasing remark.
He couldn’t even hide his happiness at her burst of confidence, chuckling at the way her lips twisted to hide her smile, determined to hold her face steady. That’s alright, he knew exactly what to say to make her crack. “Mama, with the way you kiss we're for sure going on a date.”
Oh Ony was good alright, that low drawn out humm while thinking of the memory was a nice added touch, her legs clamping shut as soon as the deep sound left him. She had to admit, he had game, but she wasn’t going to just let him have all the fun. “Still didn’t hear you ask me…” Milana sighed, playing up her uninterested look by sitting back, mimicking his nonchalant face that he puts on.
His eyes lit up in recognition, laughing at the way she bunched her eyebrows together like he did when he was annoyed. Damn, was he really that readable? She must’ve done her homework, seen him more than he thought she had. As flattering as it was, he still wasn’t going to let her win, licking over his bottom lip to bring in her focus as he dropped his voice to really play up his words.
“Please, Milana?”
That definitely did it, her hands jerking at his sultry plea, like he was begging to kiss her again. Fork accidentally clashing onto her plate noisily, face flushed in surprise, trying to collect herself under his steamy gaze. She realized that he was waiting on a response, actually asking in a way she’d never expect in a million years. “Okay…” Agreeing blindly, knowing that if he ever wanted her to do something, all he’d have to do was say is please.
“Tomorrow, it’s settled.”
“Ony!” She should’ve definitely seen that one coming, and yet she still dropped her mouth in shock, flowers nearly bumped off the table if it weren’t for her hands grabbing them as quickly as they did. “Are-you can’t be serious. So soon?”
He nodded enthusiastically, with almost childlike wonder like they were elementary crushes getting to sit together for the first time. “The only day it can happen is tomorrow. Promise if you go you’ll have fun.” With the way he said it, she definitely believed him, and why not throw caution to the wind. So far when she did it got her some action, no harm in that. So, she said yes, twirling a petal around her finger as she felt her flowers, smiling across from him as they talked about any and everything. They sat there for the longest breakfast in the world, getting to know each other like they were old friends meeting again. Laughing at their similarities, sharing their values, and trying to get Ony to spill any clues about their first date.
He wouldn’t budge at all, instead redirecting her with jokes and funny stories as they ate, showing such a rare side of him not a lot of people saw. It’s been such a long time since he felt like he could let loose around a girl, not having to put up a tough ass act, afraid that if he showed even a bit of vulnerability the fantasy of a relationship would just crumble. Provide, protect, and don’t be a pussy, the only things he was told about women really.
For once, he thought that maybe, just maybe, he didn’t always have to be so hard all the time. That Ony could take off that mask he wears, and not have to hold back from expressing himself because she was doing the same for him. He could see it, the way she was trying to be vulnerable like she couldn’t help but wear her heart on her sleeve, and all he wanted was to be the one to keep it safe for her.
Perhaps, that’s why he already couldn’t keep his hands off of her, a calloused palm sliding down her arm being cautious and gentle. Walking hand in hand underneath a lovely orange sun, the blue sky pushing wind to blow her hair around and make her look so pretty that he didn’t want to drop her back off. Clinging onto her hand as they made it to Milana’s front door again, knowing that the waiting was going to eat him alive.
“I had a good time.” She admitted, her shy attitude making it that much harder to go, his thumb rubbing over her knuckles to commit the feeling to memory. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” Hopeful excitement shining in her eyes as they looked up at him, his head falling down to lean in closer, eclipsing her view of everything besides him.
“Six o’clock, tomorrow. Give me until then, Mama.” He murmured to her, pressing a long lasting kiss to her lips, pulling her in by sliding his hand around her back. Letting out a squeal and scrambling hands to hold onto him, she made sure not to stumble over in her sandals from trying to get to him so fast, head spinning at the way he was able to take the reins like that.
Ony willed himself away from her, drawing her in a calming hug that let her rest into him for just a second longer before he started walking back to his car. Calling out a goodbye after him, voice breathless with a meek wave. Making him turn one last time to send her a coy wink as he ducked into the front seat, leaving her standing on her doorstep like she was in a dream.
The rest of the day moved as slowly as she did, barely wanting to do anything else besides write and stare at the lilies now sitting in her nightstand vase. Oh God, would it be bad if she told him she missed him while he was gone? Too much and too soon, right? Definitely too clingy already, but a part of her was just crushing too hard right now. Kicking her feet up while she laid in bed, journal filled with curly cursive words, gushing over him like she was talking to her best friend.
All her life she could only imagine what this would feel like, and now she was experiencing it firsthand. That warm bubbly feeling of romance that she'd been begging for, and the thrill of it all was just too exhilarating. Ony was suave, confident, so effortlessly in control of everything he did, being with him felt like being able to let go. Release all her worry and stress, and it was scary to her that he could throw her into a total state of compliance, maybe even scarier was the fact that she liked being able to be the docile and sweet one while he handled everything.
He paid for their breakfast like it was his job, didn't even let her see the check, let alone touch it. Milana had a feeling that he was always generous, that he had a good heart underneath all that intimidation. Maybe, he just showed it through gestures, his actions definitely grand, making her feel spoiled already. She thought about it all as she hugged onto Oreo, trying to receive a bit more affection, counting down the hours until the arms she’d be in wouldn't have fur or paws.
The entire day since Milana woke up, she'd been getting ready for their night out. Practically glued to her vanity as she tweezed her brows, applied a mud mask, watching housewives as she did her makeup. Her skin rubbed down in marshmallow body cream, spraying her favorite perfume as she watched herself in the mirror, rollers giving her a slight headache as she tried not to be so nervous.
Taking the time out to pamper herself was nice, it relaxed her down, the hour long bath was helpful getting her in the right headspace, but she just wanted to see him already. He might've said something nice or funny to get her to smile instead of worrying, or calm her nerves enough to stop freaking out inside.
She stood in the mirror for nearly an hour, trying on everything in her closet that would be a possibility for any date. Skirts, heels, shorts, tops, but none of them felt right until the last outfit. Ony never told her what they'd be doing when they went out, so she only could hope that her long, tight brown dress with a crochet green bolero matched the occasion. She paired it with tan sandals in case they'd be close to the beach or had to do some walking, and her chunky vintage coach shoulder bag.
Milana wanted to impress him, look special and pretty, imagining she was a princess for the night as she slid in her twisted gold hoop earrings. By the time she was finished, it was getting into the late afternoon, trying to drink some honey chamomile tea and have some fruit to quell her nerves. Hearing that knock at the door almost spooked her, a rush of anxiousness hitting her all at once as she stopped to look at herself one more time.
Fluffing her hair and finding an extra roller she accidentally left in, she quickly straightened up and made sure nothing was in her teeth before pulling the door open. “Hi, Ony.” Milana smiled, trying to appear effortless and nonchalant until she saw the bouquet of flowers he held in his hands. Pretty pink and white roses, all blooming gracefully, wrapped in green paper for her to receive. He looked just as perfect as they did. Loose fitting jeans and a hoodie that made his arms look even bigger, a heavy gold chain glittering from underneath.
“Hey, Mama. These are for you.” He must've gotten a shave, his facial hair looking sharper, hair covered by a fitted baseball bat. His cologne almost engulfed her as he passed her the roses, pressing a kiss to her cheek as she breathed him in.
“Ony, you already got me flowers.” She still cooed happily as he gifted them to her, letting him inside all giddy and giggly.
“These are for our date, thought you might like ‘em when I saw the pink.” He remembered her saying that was her favorite color yesterday when they had breakfast, so he knew it'd only be right for her to have them.
“Aww, thank you. Let me get something to put them in.” He closed the door for her, eagerly entering to breathe her home in further, smiling at the good feeling he had being inside. The candles she lit had the perfect scent of vanilla, but nothing rivaled her perfume that was floating everywhere. He stopped for a moment, just taking it in as he stopped at a particular photo on the wall.
“You a writer?” He asked, pausing specifically at a picture he saw when he spent the night, one where she stood in her graduation gown, neck covered in medals and holding awards. She looked so cute when she was younger, glasses thicker and hair a bit shorter in curls pouring out of her decorated cap.
“I am I guess. Won a scholarship for it, but I think I should probably start writing more often.” She hummed out as she tried finding another vase for the new bunch of flowers. His gaze getting stuck on her as she bent over, noticing just how tight her dress was. He nearly swore out loud as her hips wiggled trying to pull it from the cabinet, her ass shaking lightly enough to trap him in a daze. Guess he’ll just have to adjust himself all night while he silently suffers.
“Is that what you do for work?” He tore his eyes away, feeling a bit hot as he tried distracting himself. Ony watched her straighten back up, filling the glass with water as she answered.
“Yeah, freelance. Pays the bills and what not.” She was fixing up the petals of her roses, placing them down on the table as he approached her. Reaching into his hoodie pocket, he pulled out something once she turned around, letting her eyes zero in on it before explaining.
“Picked up a treat for us,” His palm opened to show her a sandwich bag full of nugs, shifting around in there, hypnotizing her into watching it. The smell of potent greenery filled the air as soon as he opened it, letting her get a whiff and laughing when she scrunched her face at the smell of straight weed. “Named it ‘Laid-back ‘Lana’.” She couldn’t contain the giggle that bubbled up her throat at the name, her hand trying to cover her mouth at his playfulness.
“Why’d you name it that?” Milana asked, their light and playful banter easing away any thoughts from earlier. This is definitely what she missed, just being around him, basking in the way he joked around.
“‘Cause this shit will have you laid back on that ass the same way you had me on your couch.” Ony chuckled as he watched her burst into a fit of laughter, the most relaxed she’d ever been around him, and the atmosphere was only getting less and less tense. “Here, you got papers?” He asked, handing the bag for her to inspect some more.
“I don’t know how to roll my own…” Her hands fumbled slightly as Milana tried not to sound pathetic, but at twenty-two she should probably know how to roll her own blunt. Or change a tire, or file taxes; maybe she should start with those first.
“Don’t sweat it, Ma. I got backwoods, but you’ve probably never smoked with ‘em before. I got some good ass flavors though.” Obviously coming prepared, he pulled out a packet of the cigar leaves, the purple package reflective under the light as she read the words, ‘Honey Bourbon’, written all over it. “We got to head out to make it before it gets hella dark, so we’ll smoke on the way.”
After grabbing everything and locking up they left to head out, Ony’s hand falling to her back as he went behind her. The walk to his car was dizzying, feeling so stiff with the touch of a man on her. He lead her without having to say a word, and she almost felt like she could float away if she let herself go a bit more, scared of what would happen if she did. Sliding into his car to drive wherever they were supposed to be going, just taking the time to watch Ony as he moved.
Given his occupation, it was no wonder how experienced he was with handling the eighth he was carrying. Grinding it down easily, dusting it gradually into the leaf, thick fingers squeezing and rolling it between each other. Licking it off with a smooth glide of the tongue, their eyes meeting as he did, making her flush and look away. By the time she looked back he was done, the fat blunt sitting between his lips as he lit it, puffing out smoke that danced in the air, wrapping around their heads in grey streaks.
He leaned his head back, letting it glide out then sucking it back in to blow a ghost, shifting slightly to look at her as he passed it. She took it, knowing it'd at least ease her up some more, generously taking it down her lungs until she pulled back coughing after her uncoordinated breath. “Don't smoke much?” Ony laughed at how her eyes narrowed, he knew that already, just was teasing.
“I’ve never had any this strong.” Milana admitted, taking a much smaller puff before handing it back. The effects hitting her almost immediately, eyes going lax and lips pressing together as she felt a rush of euphoria. Ony had to admire how sexy she looked like that, her lashes hanging lower in a sensual cateye. Driving was his only distraction, trying not to turn and glance at her every five seconds, but he was failing that miserably. She wasn't doing much better, the high making it just that more obvious so she faced the window instead, watching the beach waves in his music filled car driving down the highway. Thirty minutes of the most torturous drive for either of them, only wanting to jump each other's bones and forget the formalities.
They were looking forward to this though, especially with the way Ony was so proud of himself once he saw her reaction. Pulling in she could see all the bright shining lights, hues of blue, red, and yellow everywhere in the cartoonish displays. The rides flashing at her as people screamed with joy in every direction, and soon as she stepped out of the car with his help, she could smell popcorn and funnel cake in the air. “The fair?” Her face was just lit up, and it had him pausing as he took it all in. That face was going to be the end of him, because he knew already that he'd go to the ends of the Earth just to see her look at him like that.
“Today’s the last day it’s in town. Knew I had to take you.” Ony took her by the hand as they walked around, getting through the entrance to take in every exciting sight and decide what they wanted to do first. He left it in her hands, indifferent to it all as he just wanted to let her have all the fun she wanted, happily trailing a step behind as she pulled him by the hand. Milana turned to look at him every step of the way, scanning his face to see if anything caught his eye.
They stopped at the ticket counter first, Ony reaching into his pocket for a thick wad of cash inside, neatly folded bills that he grabbed and pulled apart. Counting each one silently in her head, she tried to ignore the mixed feeling of guilt and gratitude, but that was easy given how desirable he looked while being so gracious. She briefly wondered if she should be scared about them getting robbed, but when she took into account how strong he looked, there wasn't too much to be afraid of. His eyes lazy as he hid the rest in his pocket, passing the woman the cash as he asked her, “Where you want to go first, Mama?”
“I don't know… I think I want to do some games, but I’m scared we won’t win.” Milana looked down at the string of red tickets the woman gave her, all bunched together in her hands. “Maybe this one?” She stopped at the booth right in front of them, a fish pond game where they'd at least get a prize judging by how easy it looked. Even the little kids around it were doing well, but Ony only gave a noncommittal hum as he continued looking around, his arm coming to wrap around her shoulders from behind, stepping so close that her stomach clenched in anticipation.
“What about that one?” He turned them to face a little further down, another game table there with giant prizes hanging all at the top. She let him maneuver them towards it, a little unsure once they got closer. It was a BB gun challenge, having to shoot down the targets from a far distance away.
“Are you sure?” Milana looked up at him, holding onto their tickets skeptically. She didn't want to be wasteful, Ony already paid a bunch of money for them to be able to get inside and use the tokens for rides and such. Ultimately, it didn't matter though, not with the way he was seemingly so flippant about it, taking some from her hands to pass to the worker there waiting on them.
“Don’t sweat it, Ma. Have some faith in me.” He was confident, if not a little cocky as he picked up the rifle, resting it in his hands as he focused his sights on aiming it correctly. His feet shoulder with apart, thick finger on the trigger with one eye closed, not moving or even taking a breath.
*bang*
Maybe it was how high she was, but the first shot came out of nowhere, making her jump when she heard the pellet make contact with the painted wood, hitting the small red dot in the middle.
*bang*
*bang*
The last two were quicker, but still made her eyes widen in awe at how fast he’d done that, moving one by one down the line until all three had holes in the center. She didn’t even think a minute had passed by before he was done, sliding the gun down and handing it back to the guy at the stand.
“What did we win?” Ony asked, turning to Milana as the man pointed out the stuffed animals hanging at the top of the booth, giant, almost as tall as her, and all so pretty. Immediately, she narrowed in on a big brown bear, with dark fur and sparkly chestnut eyes. She pointed meekly to it, arms stretched open to let the cuddly animal fall into them as it was passed to her. “You like it?”
Nodding, all smiley as her nails raked through its fur, she couldn’t express how grateful she was, carrying it around as they went down the rows of attractions. Playing games, sharing the biggest plate of funnel cake she’d ever seen, and laughing when Ony got powdered sugar all over his nose, willingly letting her dust it off with her soft hands. He ended up carrying her bear as they made their way to their last ride, the Ferris wheel, helping her step up into the seat as it rocked slightly back and forth.
“Is this safe?” Milana’s eyebrow raised slightly as she sat down, looking around at all the other swinging chairs. It was his idea to go after he told her he’s never been on one before, but now it looked a bit too scary for her.
“Ain’t nothing gonna happen.” He was gruff about it, setting up her bear in the seat so it wouldn’t fall before sliding in the middle, throwing an arm on the back of her chair to wrap around her shoulders. As soon as their door closed the employee pulled the lever to let the ride start, her breath hitching in her chest as it moved mechanically.
“Are you just not afraid of anything?” She asked, not knowing if it was rhetorical or not as the wheel began turning, slowly bringing them higher and higher. She could only stare down at her toes as they got further from the ground.
“What’s there to be afraid of?” Playfully, he rocked her by her shoulders to pull her away from fearfully looking at the floor. Getting her attention to focus on him instead, he figured getting her talking would get her to stop gripping the railing with white knuckles.
“Well for starters, how high up we are.” Her deadpan expression made him chuckle, laying back cool as could be once the ride stopped them at the very top, the world looking much prettier when you could see all the glowing lights in the distance.
“How can I be scared right now?” Ony truly was content, a man who had nothing to fear, only things to desire. Not for more things like money or a new car, he already had all that. He’s craving for something real, someone to share his life with, even someone who he could lean on too.
“I’m always scared,” Her voice was shaky as she tried to close her eyes and relax, vulnerable as she poured her heart out, getting it off her chest. “I think it’s just easier when you’re around though.” Their hands interlocking, his squeezing hers reassuringly at her admission. Just sitting for a second to look at the city from so high up, the breeze flying in their faces making her nose cold.
“Y’don’t have to be scared. I’ll be here, no matter what.” How could he not, stuck in a trance from her beautiful face. Bouncing between her round eyes, fluttering lashes covering the brown, then sliding to her cute button nose, and full pink lips. Committing each detail to memory, counting each beauty mark as her hair blew back in the wind.
“No matter what?” He nodded with determination, no empty promise in sight when they were at the top of the Ferris wheel, just the two of them together and their unwavering bond. “Just… promise me. Promise that you’ll tell me if it’s too much. If I’m too much.” She asked him, fear lacing her tone, afraid to be the one to ruin this for herself, to ruin them already. He didn’t give her the chance to allow the thought to take over, ducking his face down as he slid closer.
“You’ll never be too much. Just right to me.” He whispered, just to her, leaning over to kiss her, cupping the side of her face to keep them close as he groaned from her eagerness to kiss him back. This is what he’d been missing, his mouth moving with hers in sync, allowing those walls to come crumbling down. Hungry for it, craving the affection that being with one another provided, so caught up in their intimate moment to notice that the ride was descending until they were almost to the bottom.
Milana pulled away first, blinking up at him with her shy little smile as Ony’s fingers danced across her cheek, allowing him to lean down and press one last kiss to her lips before they stepped off. Holding each other as they walked back to his car, her head resting on his shoulder the entire way as he led them back to his car, both unable to stop laughing from how much fun they had just being together the entire weekend. She couldn’t even stare at anything else besides him the entire way, going down the highway at night but Ony still managed to shine brighter than the moon beaming down at them. His handsomeness was distracting enough, but getting to know him personally, in a way that most people don’t, was the icing on the cake in her eyes.
They just couldn’t let each other go, she was practically tripping over her feet trying to pull him by his heavy arm. Ony trailing behind, enjoying her more assertive side as she got him to come into her apartment rather easily. To be honest, she could’ve asked him anything and he would’ve done it in a heartbeat right now, too happy making this night perfect for her. The lights dim as they flopped down onto her couch, still reeling from all the excitement. “I can’t believe we just went on a date.” She sighed happily, tossing off her sandals as she faced him, seeing how he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of her.
“Really? Thought it was only a matter of time.” He didn’t like feeling far away from her, hand itching to reach out, his willpower getting lower and lower. Grabbing her by the waist, an abundance of giggles rained out as she wiggled in his arms until he settled her down on his leg again, just like he’d done at the club.
They took a moment to take each other in, Milana shifting to sling her other leg over his body, unintentionally sitting flush on his thigh, but too wrapped up in how good it felt being close to him to notice. Shifting up to lean in, he cupped the side of her face, tender as he pulled her in to kiss her, a quick peck that had her slowly melting into him. Her hips moving to get closer until an unfamiliar feeling shot through her, making her go stiff in his hands. “What’s wrong?”
She didn’t know at first, mind still trying to register the arousal that she felt pooling deep within, hands falling onto his shoulders as she unsurely ground down again. Call it virgin curiosity, but she couldn’t stop exploring after her first taste of pleasure. Her head spinning with confusing sensations, the heaviness of passion weighing her down to roll back and forth on his thigh another time until her eyes shifted up and saw his expression. Blank with disbelief, mouth agape as he watched her move, kick starting her into stopping her movement to explain herself.
“Sorry! I’m so sorry-I don’t-” Ony snatched her up in an instant, grabbing her by the hips to pull her into riding his thigh again. She never expected that, hands staying up in the air out of pure shock before he pulled them down, urging her to touch him back. Milana did so as she whimpered, trying to keep up with the way he was moving her.
“I tried.” He grunted, his body working with fervor as he helped her grind, eyes shut tight as he felt himself quickly hardening, his thigh tensing underneath her. “I really fucking tried, but I need you.” Big and burly arms locked tightly around her as he breathed her in, mind going fuzzy as he tuned out entirely, letting his actions speak for him. Adrenaline was pumping through them, hands gripping at each other, desperate to touch, feel, see everything they could. Everywhere her fingers grazed left him yearning for more, the realization that he’d been craving for this his entire life felt like cold water splashing over his heated skin. Too used to floating in and out of people’s lives to get the touch that he needed, the touch that only she seemed to provide, practically thriving after starving for it.
“You’re alright, Mama.” He reassured, hands sliding under her dress, Milana was spooked at first by the touch, but was relaxed down by his calming strokes. They moved so easily, bunching up her dress until it rose around her hips to give him more access to her, kisses trailed along her collarbone to keep her from retreating into her head.
He began moving upward, skimming her throat as his mind went blank, the only thing he could tangibly string together was her name over and over in his mind. Her hair, her voice, her scent, it made him feel dizzy just thinking about it, a burning feeling of greed taking over any rational thought. He needed her badly, running hot as he finally made it to her face, opening his eyes to meet hers as he pressed forward, taking her by surprise as he lowered her down slow into his lap, feeling her nearly bare skin meet his jeans.
Her mouth dropped open in the neediest moan he’d ever heard, long and whiney, eyes rolling to the back of her head as they closed. The expression was just too good, making his dick jump as he sat up, clutching her hips desperately. “Fuck, Milana.” He groaned out, slightly shifting to get her adjusted, quickly needing her to feel him too. “Don’t do that shit, Baby. Gonna stop my fucking heart.”
She couldn’t say anything, too busy trying to stop herself from shaking as Ony began moving her up and down his groin over his pants. Rocking her hips faster, steadier, with so much effort she almost thought they were actually having sex. The image made her knees try to close together, his hands shifting to grip under her thighs, forcing them open as he grunted curses in her ear.
Milana couldn’t stop herself from moving, like she was lit with fire for the first time, throwing her arms around Ony’s neck to clutch him closer. “Need me, Mama, don’t you?” Nodding and unable to hide small moans from escaping her, their lips met again, noisy and echoing around the room. She was so damp, Ony was starting to see her show up on his jeans, having to look away before he embarrassed himself in front of this girl.
“Fuck,” He cursed when her nails ran down the nape of his neck, his hips lifting off the couch to put force behind the thrusts he was giving her. Ony’s hands curving down to grip her ass, hissing as her clit caught perfectly over his bulge, pulling her all the way up, up, up, then back down until she felt like she was fraying at the seams. “Stay with me, Baby.” He urged, but her mind was too cloudy to sense that unfamiliar feeling at first, too busy asking the Lord to forgive her for praying to lose her virginity after a first date. Thoughts turning to mush before they could form and soon she found herself stuck in the feeling that she was going to burst.
Then her stomach wound tighter, eyes snapping open in panic as she felt a mix of emotions, wanting to go faster and run away from the feeling all at once. Tingles crawled up her body from her toes, moving with vigor to heighten the pressure as it all rushed to her head. Her hips trying to jump away from his, squealing as she tried to stop her impending orgasm before it made her lose control, hands pressing into his chest to push away.
“Gonna cum, Mama?” Calling Milana back as he forced her to sit flush down on him again. He was asking like he already knew that, and when she tried looking at him through teary eyes she was taken aback at the hungry glint in them. “Yeah, gonna make a fucking mess. Let that shit happen, ‘want you to soak my face after.”
Milana’s mouth dropped open, whining out as she clutched onto him, thrown headfirst into an orgasm she never expected. It felt like free falling right into his waiting arms, where he could bring her more pleasure than she ever thought possible, without even having to touch her. His kisses trailed from her jaw down her neck, toes curling and eyes watering in bliss as she tried to catch her breath. He let her settle slightly, then flipped them both over to lay her on the couch. Her head lying on the armrest as Milana looked at her ceiling, body sagging into the cushions while Ony took her legs and threw them over his shoulders.
“Damn, that was good, Baby. So fucking good. Gonna have you do that on my mouth then around me next, Mama.” He rambled out, planting long appreciative kisses over her inner thighs, getting closer and closer to her covered pussy. His head dipping down to press his lips right against her, surprised at how she shrieked and pushed herself up slightly to see him, eyebrow raising as he stopped to make sure she was alright. To be fair, she didn’t expect them to still keep going, not with how worn out she felt either.
“Uhh… Ony… think I should-probably should tell you some-something…” Her chest was still rising and falling rapidly, whole body thrown off kilter in a sensitive state that had her scrambling while trying to find her bearings. He nodded for her to continue, rubbing circles into her skin when he saw how she was still coming down into reality, thinking she was just a bit delicate in the moment. “I just never- that was my first time so-”
“What?” Ony practically threw himself off of her, legs falling off his body as he moved to sit across from her, a rush of indecipherable emotions written all over him. The sudden loss of touch made her feel a lot more hurt than he intended, but he was honestly so blindsided by her confession that he thought his heart stopped. “Are you saying that you're…” God, it all made sense now, why she was so nervous all the time, shying away from any hint of intimacy, why didn't he see it sooner? “Fuck, Milana.”
His head dropped into his hands, groaning out in an unmistakable tone of frustration as he sobered up, her stomach twisting in a not-so-pleasurable way after that. Once again, her big mouth strikes again, opening it just when things were going so well. Why did she have to stop him, why did that knawing feeling in the back of her mind have to tell her that they might've been moving too fast? Her face dropping with so much disappointment as she tried not to get weepy. “I’m sorry…” Voice tinged with pain as a hand rubbed at the corner of her eyes.
Ony didn't miss the way she sounded, head picking up to jump into action, pulling her back into him, tucked in his side. “Shit-No, Baby. I'm not upset with you. I'm mad at my damn self, should've known better than to be trying to push all up on you like that.” He explained, trying to blanket her with as much comfort as he could, hand a bit frantic as it moved up and down her back. “Fuck, shouldn’t have done that, it wasn't right. I just don't want to take advantage of you, Mama.”
His mind was rushed with guilt, feeling like he just pushed her too hard and definitely way too fast. A bad feeling erupting inside, thinking that he'd been too selfish in the moment, using his second head instead of the one resting on his shoulders. “Don't say that.” She mumbled, her sniffling getting quieter as she saw how upset he was. “I wanted to do that with you, I just didn't think you'd even like me.”
“What?” After all that he thought she'd at least realize he liked her little stubborn behind. “Of course I fucking like you. I don't take girls out and shit, did that ‘cause I want you to be mine.” He admitted it so truthfully, that it shocked her to the core, the revelation swaddling her in the tenderness of his words.
“Really?” Milana felt it, she really did this time. Her eyes were getting watery all over again as it came over her in waves, feeling just as good as his touch was.
“Yes, Milana. I really want you.” Ony felt a rush of relief, his body sagging down to lean against hers too, just needing to hold her for a while. They laid down together, arms wrapping around to hold each other with soothing light touches, side by side facing each other on her little sofa. Her hands sliding to cup his face as he buried his face in her neck, practically laying on top of him to make room, but it was the most comfortable she’d ever been. They would have a lot to talk about soon; her fears, his tough shell, their shared desires, but both were certain that together, it’d be alright.
Hello Everyone! Thank you for being so patient and for supporting my story! I can't believe Milana and Ony already had their first date! It only gets better from here for them, so keep tuning in to read! xoxo - Bow 🎀
Taglist:
@kxllanxtdoor
@rintcrous
@blackgirlmagicforever
@hidd3nbimbo
#bowsthoughts#lana series#onyankopon fluff#aot onyankopon#ony x black reader#onyankapon#ony x y/n#onyankopon x black y/n#onyankopon x reader#onyankopon x oc#onyankopon x black reader smut#ony x reader#ony x chubby reader#anime#aot#aot x reader#aot smut#aot x black reader#aot x black y/n#lana sza#spotify#onyankopon smut#plug!onyankopon#plug!ony
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Hi can I request for the mutant mayhem turtles with fem s/o getting their first kiss.
First Kiss (Fluff)
MM!Turtles x reader
A/N: Of course you can. It’s quite some time ago since I’ve last done a MM x reader, so it’s about damn time. I haven't yet been able to watch Tales Of The TMNT, so I'm going to run with my impressions from Mutant Mayhem. Hope you’ll enjoy💚
Warnings: None, just fluff💚
Leonardo:
Leo had always imagined that his first kiss with you would be the result of something big. Like the romantic resolve of growing tension after he had saved you from some sort of danger, where you would find yourself staring into his eyes, realizing just how much you cared for him, and what a hero he was - not just for the city - but for you as well. Or maybe it would come as a result of him being truly brave, mustering up every fiber of his courage, telling you exactly how he felt, before rolling with the flow of his courage, kissing you like he was in control and secure.
But instead it went nothing like Leo had expected it to go. Matter of fact, it was actually quite awkward. Just lucky for him that you found his awkwardness sweet and adorable.
It happened in school. You were talking to Leo about something. What it was Leo wasn’t entirely sure of, as he had totally forgotten to listen. He had somehow gotten it into his head, that today was going to be the day. Today was the day he was going to tell you how he felt and kiss you for the first time.
But pure Leo got nervous. And in his nervousness and scrambling thoughts, he mixed everything up, cutting you off with an open eyed kiss in the middle of the hallway.
Your first date was Saturday that weekend.
Raphael:
You and Raph’s first kiss was not planned out. Neither of you had actually expected anything like that to happen that day, or any day for that matter. You were incredibly close friends, often hanging out together after school, doing the silliest things imaginable, both of you trying to keep your growing crushes secret from one another.
It happened in the lair, with no one but you, Raph, Splinter and Scumbug home. With Splinter and Scumbug in the kitchen and main living area, you and Raph had his and his brothers’ shared bedroom all to yourself, where you joked around, cracking jokes and playfully pushing each other around.
At some point, these playful pushes turned into a playfight, with the goal of overpowering the other, and maybe even tickling them. Neither you or Raph are really sure how it happened, but at some point during the playfight, you just kissed.
It was a quick kiss, but a little longer than just a peck, yet both of you pulled back looking shocked, processing what had just happened. Sure, both of you might be crushing on each other, but this was very much out of the blue, leaving you both wondering if you were in fact dreaming.
“Ah, fuck it”, Raph then said, pulling you in for another quick kiss, before the two of you would roll around laughing on the floor, to the point where even Splinter and Scumbug was wondering what was going on.
Donatello:
You and Donnie’s kiss was sweet and adorable to say the least. It wasn’t planned, but it was nonetheless welcomed by both of you with open arms and wide smiles.
You were at your place, sitting together on your bed, with Donnie watching over your shoulder as you played on your Switch, giving you small words of encouragement as you progressed one level after another.
You honestly didn’t need to do it. You hadn’t even made your way to the boss level, yet you suddenly turned around to look at Donnie, who looked back at you with raised brow muscles, as if to ask you what you were doing. However, he wasn’t able to ask you before you suddenly closed the space between the two of you, placing a sweet kiss on his lips.
Donnie’s eyes were wide when you pulled back, staring at you in what you could only describe as utter shock and confusion, his eyes moving over your face, as if he was trying to figure out what was going on, just from the look on your face.
That was when a smile suddenly broke on Donnie’s face, followed by a heat felt laugher of pure joy as he wrapped an arm around, pulling you closer to him with a; “come here, you”.
After that the boss level was a breeze.
Michelangelo:
Many people might have stories of how their first kiss was this big thing, with sparks flying, choirs singing, angel trumpets and all that shapy stuff people have made up since the dawn of humanity. But you and Mikey’s first kiss was not like that. It was very much down to earth, with little to no fanfare, happening like it was the most normal thing to happen between the two of you.
You and Mikey found yourselves sitting in the park, enjoying the summer sun while you sat on a bench, talking about whatever was on your hearts, while enjoying some sweet sugary snacks.
It was here, while you were talking about something minor that happened at school, jokingly saying that you needed Mikey to comfort you, that he suddenly pressed a peck to your lips.
You froze, your eyes wide and staring at Mikey, who just continued the conversation like this was a common thing for Mikey to do to you, popping another sugar candy into his mouth, handing another to you, trying his best to hold his smile at a minimum as he saw your cheeks turning a bright pink.
“Anything wrong?”, he asked, watching as you blinked at him, moments before you jumped on him, wrapping your arms around him as you pulled him in for another kiss through your roaring laughter, causing strangers in the park to turn and look at you two idiots being in love.
#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt x reader#tmnt mm x reader#tmnt mm leo x reader#tmnt mm leonardo x reader#tmnt mm raph x reader#tmnt mm raphael x reader#tmnt mm donnie x reader#tmnt mm donatello x reader#tmnt mm mikey x reader#tmnt mm michelangelo x reader#tmnt leo x reader#tmnt mm#tmnt leonardo x reader#tmnt raph x reader#tmnt raphael x reader#tmnt donnie x reader#tmnt donatello x reader#tmnt mikey x reader#tmnt michelangelo x reader
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"cause i don't wanna be in love with another"
even in another life.
wc: 0.6k (628)
ft. michael kaiser . ooc! kaiser . gn! reader/ implied fem! reader . break-ups . relapse relapse relapsing! . light angst
imagine michael kaiser realizing how bad he messed up. there was no one else to blame but himself. maybe if he spent a lil' more time with you everything wouldn't have turned to this.
it's been 3 days. 72 hours without you. damn, the hours are going slower without the comforting thought of you being there for him. shit. he's by himself again.
and then, the midfielder is now his younger self again. staring up at his father with tears in his eyes and a blurry vision as he was getting choked. curled up on the floor, hugging his soccer ball. that feeling came all back.
he was left in the trance that there would be no one who would be able to understand him, again. you pulled him out, only to shove him back in — deeper this time.
could he really blame you? no. no he couldn't. his eyes focused on the ball as he formed his dominant leg into a "v" shape. successfully kicking the ball into the goal. pent-up anger much?
all those times where you've defended him to your friends. they were right. he was a bad influence from you but, that never stopped you from loving him.
he let out a sigh, a white cloud was formed. it was freezing cold. a small snowflake fell onto him, melting immediately. ah. it was snowing too.
returning home, he couldn't help but slightly tear up. he was once again in that curled up position this time — with your hoodie that you left in his possession. inhaling, that sweet scent of you was oddly comforting. he had no clue why. being still frustrated, the boy left his house once more.
angling himself, he kicked the ball into the net again. and again. and again. pfft. did he really think these goals would get you back? hilarious. as it got later and later, it was no doubt it got colder as well.
kaiser found himself back at your doorstep. clutching his ball in his left arm like a child. hesitantly knocking on your door. 12:25 a.m.? seriously..?
opening the door, you raised an eyebrow. before you could say anything, the emperor ran his mouth. "i know, mein schatz.. jus' one more time.."
you gulped. "get in, kaiser." fuck. he hated you calling him by his last name. "you're gonna get a cold. c'mon in." you continued. he grabbed your wrist. hell, the temperature contrast. his numbingly cold hand wrapped around your warm wrist.
"please don't call me that. michael works. please, [name]. please. tut mir leid. i'm sorry." he pleaded. you stayed quiet as you pulled him into your house. shutting the door behind you. "bread crust rusks n' some warm tea?" you asked. no reply. "michael. answer me-" you were cut short of your annoyance. the once arrogant man was no longer who he identifies as.
no longer bastard münchen's ace. no longer the striker. the prodigy was none of that. he fell straight into your arms. his grip loosening on the ball which eventually falls on the floor.
in that moment, michael kaiser reverted back to who he was as a child. so much for leaving the past behind when you've become it once more. one thing was — he felt freedom and warmth. that's the difference between his childself and him now.
the pride he once had was all gone. you were the only one who he knew would understand his feelings. but then again, if you understood so much — why'd you leave?
maybe he needs to understand himself. you were shocked when you caught the prodigy in such a vulnerable position once more. where he swore never again. "one more chance [name]. one more. bitte. please, meine liebe." he sobbed.
— ©isaisliterallyhim, 2025
a/n: godddd sorry for the poopoo english and plot im genuinely losing it school is so UGHHHH to top it off my lov life sucks too :c what a combo aaa hopefully ygs liked this <3 man i love kaiser ik id never break up w him but yk for the plot heh kaiser my precious boy :( personally id give him one more chance lol EVERYONE DESERVE A 2ND CHANCE! hehe heavy by the marias as the title hehe
divider creds here!
#bllk#bllk kaiser#blue lock kaiser#blue lock x y/n#blue lock x you#blue lock x reader#blue lock angst#michael kaiser x you#michael kaiser x reader#michael kaiser x y/n#bllk x y/n#bllk x you#bllk x reader#bllk angst#bllk x female reader#bllk x gender neutral reader#light angst#angst#kaiser x reader#michael kaiser blue lock#blue lock imagines#blue lock drabbles#bllk imagines#bllk drabbles#reader insert#drabble#imagine#chase atlantic was playing hehehe#i love chase atlantic#why is tumblr like this
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I asked for help every single day for 3 years and was told, we feel sorry for you, we feel bad for you, you are handling this like a child, this is your problem not our problem, we feel bad for you but this is your problem to deal with, you are handling this so immaturely this is your problem, have you tried taking a walk?
Really? I'm handling this so immaturely? I'm phasing in and out of periods of delusion and I'm handling it immaturely? I'm spending 8+ hours in the yard every day pacing and doing strange movements and not even noticing when my hands and feet get bloody and then coming inside and vomiting on the floor and then going right back to it and I'm handling that immaturely? How should I handle it? I should take a walk? I should take a walk?
I've barely been able to leave the house in weeks, then months, then years, and I should take a walk? I'm handling it immaturely because I didn't take a walk when you said I should?
I'm having seizures, I didn't know it at the time but in retrospect I'm having seizures every day, and I should take a walk? This is just my problem to deal with?
Oh I'm, I'm grieving, that's what it is. *Faux compassionate voice* you're grieving, that's why you're struggling. You just need to learn to move on.
Really? Is that it?
I need to learn to move on? To move on from the relationship you sabotaged, is that correct? That would be fairly convenient for you, wouldn't it, if you sabotaged the most important relationship in my life and I just decided I didn't care anymore. Maybe then I'd be less mad. Maybe then I'd stop having seizures.
Or is it that I need to move on from, *checks notes* the friendships that I currently have, that I am struggling to maintain because of the mental health crisis? Oh, is it those I should move on from? And who should I rely on instead, you stupid fuckers?
Have you shown yourselves to be reliable? Have you supported me when I was happy? No, you fucking sabotaged me. Have you supported me when I was unhappy? No, you stood there and watched. "Your family are the people who will be there for you no matter what", remember how many times you said that? Well, it's true in some meager literal sense. You were definitely *around*. You were *around* not to let me, what, be by myself in public until I was 19 years old? To give me zero life experience because of uh. I don't know. Gangs? Supposedly there are gangs around. I don't frankly think I'm going to be doing anything to incite the ire of gangs but if that's your justification.
Oh right, right. Someone could steal me. I love that word. They could steal me. I wonder why you chose that word.
Yeah you were always there. You were there high out of your gourd on coke and pills, you were there having a fucking obsessive crazy stalker level anxiety attack about me one day not living at home anymore. You were there to sabotage my relationships when they made you nervous. You were there to deride and belittle me when I finally fell apart.
I held it together for so many fucking years.
All I had, all I had was the peace inside my own mind. That is all you fucking left me with. Well, so, a freak accident or whatever takes that away. At the fucking dentist which is wild. Freak accident fucks up my mind. All I had was my mind.
Without my mind what am I? Nothing, I am a violated body. I am a violated body and the only respectful thing I can do is throw myself away. It is crass to act like this is a state worth living in. Well I have a few reasons to, uh. There are a few things I can't just abandon. But I see no path to being anything worth being, to being anything at all but a violated body. Well I'm just fucked.
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Hello hello! :D
SQH-SY siblings au for the ask game, please?
I'm pretty sure I wrote this after someone wrote a text post about the idea but idk if I would be able to track that down, or if it existed at all and I'm misremembering. Anyway, I didn't really have a set plot in mind after I wrote this short snippet other than it would be very funny for Shen Yuan to try and actively sabotague Shang Qinghua's efforts to become head disciple of An Ding while looking as innocent as possible. I don't think I'm going to write anymore for this idea as I have other wips I want to focus on but feel free anyone to write out their own interpretation! Anyways, here's what I wrote a few weeks back:
[ Activation code: “Dumbfuck author, dumbfuck novel.” System automatically triggered ]
What? What the fuck is this?
[ Host is in the midst of transmigration! ]
No—what? This is a dream, Airplane’s stupid fucking writing must have made me pass out!
Rrgh! I need to punch the fucker IRL!
[ Host would like to see Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky? ]
YES!
[ Beginning transmigration… ]
What?
“Oh! It’s a boy!”
“W-Wait what? Doctor, didn’t you say it was going to be a girl?”
What the hell?
He feels himself get wrapped within a cloth, and suddenly he's enveloped in warmth. He’s being…held?
Any attempt to move his limbs is caught by the cloth wrapped around him. His tongue presses against toothless gums, and his vision is too blurry to make out anything.
No…
“Haha, well surprises always happen! Did you have a name in mind if you two had another son?”
“Ah, well I suppose we never gave any thought to it. A-Yu, you’re always good at coming up with names with your little stories, how about you name your little brother?”
No…
“You…ah, shouldn’t it be up to you two? Like erm. Tradition or something? Like this is a whole baby I sh-shouldn’t be responsible for the name he’ll be called for the rest of his life!”
A woman then laughs above him,
“A-Yu, I think I’m much too tired to think right now. You’re a smart boy, any name you come up with I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.”
He…died.
Transmigration’s real!?
AND HE’S A BABY!
Oh—whoever this person is, please don’t name him something stupid.
[ Don’t worry Host! This System has you covered! ]
“…Yuan?” Whoever “A-Yu” is, he said that like he wasn’t even sure of it himself! Thank god he still has his old name in this life at least.
“Shang Yuan…I like that.”
System…where have I transmigrated?
[ This System operates in line with the design concept “YOU CAN YOU UP, NO CAN NO BB”; we hope to provide you with the best possible experience. It is our sincere wish that during your time, you can fulfill your desires and, in accordance to your wish, ‘see Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky’ ]
[ Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Important things must be said three times! ]
What now?!
[ User has completed his wish! ]
I…did?
[ Entering Limited Sandbox Mode! Feel free to explore within the constraints of the plot! ]
[ We hope you enjoy the world of Proud Immortal Demon Way! ]
WHAT?
“Ah! He’s crying, give him here.”
“Ahh. You’re so cute lil bro! Cutest baby in the whole wide world!”
A-Yu, or Shang Hongyu, is his new older brother in this life and is maybe eight or nine years older than him. He’s apparently very smart for his age, and their parents are already tutoring him to take over their father’s business.
He hears his older brother sniffle,
“Too bad you’ll probably never see me again in a few years.” he says, “I’ve gotta head to Cang Qiong and make my way up An Ding in the next few years.”
Hold on a second.
His older brother holds him tight against his chest, and from here he can feel his breath shudder.
“I’ve never had a sibling by blood before.”
He’s brought to his sibling’s bed and his brother lays next to him lazily.
“Just a few more years and you guys won’t have to see me again.” his brother says to noone, “They’re…surprisingly good parents, didi. Once they don’t have me to worry about, they can spoil you as much as you want.”
Geez, what kind of weird complex do you have?
Though. Shang surely is a common surname right? Lots of Shangs to go to An Ding!
System where in the timeline are we?
[ System is currently in maintenance for future updates! ]
Fine. He’ll figure it out his own way!
His own chubby fingers are able to grab onto his brother’s robe.
“Gege.” He says, to the best of his ability with his shitty little baby mouth.
He doesn’t expect his brother to burst out crying and start to hug him tight.
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Adam chuckled: Fine. Sleepy time.
It took a while for Adam to even start feeling tired. His mind was racing. Thinking about Seth, Heaven, Lucifer. He felt ashamed for even believing what Cas and Michael were saying to him. But he was weak and exhausted. And he already felt like Lucifer handed him over to them. But what choice did he have? He's only one guy.
Looking down, Adam smiled at his husbands sleeping face. He looked too comfortable on Adam's chest.
Adam: I thought you were finally sick of me... I've always been prideful. You're the only one to make me feel like I'm not enough, I'm not good enough for you... I've never experienced anything like this... fuck, I'm stupid.
He rested his hand on his head, his gaze looking to the window.
He loved Lucifer, but he's known for years he isn't right for him. So many things have happened to Lucifer that were his fault, and all Adam has going for him is sex.
Things between Heaven and Hell have always been rocky, but Hells main conflict was between the rings. The war has been raging for thousands and thousands of years. Adam knows that all too well.
There was nothing Satan could do to stop them, not that he tried. As soon as he found Adam on the streets working for his father, he could smell the angelic side of him.
Taking him, Satan quickly found out how much power Adam had. And once he did, he threw him into the war, starting on the Ring of Wrath.
Closing his eyes, Adam could still hear the screams of thousands of Hellborns slaughtering each other.
Greed was the worst ring. The sin, Mammon would feed on the fallen, becoming a more monstrous version of himself. Quickly growing too big to move. Half of the Ring was taken up by his body. He's the only flesh that can't be penetrated by the armies' blades. Only Adam was able to cut his way through Mammon, making a path for the armies to travel to the lower realms.
He was there when the first citizens of the Lust Ring were attacked.
For being part incubus, he'd only ever travelled to the Lust Ring once, and it was mainly to be dragged around the bars by his father. He looked ridiculous. A small child trying to follow his father as he hooked up with people.
Adam sighed. Because of him, Heaven was most likely to retaliate. Michael won't be able to handle a slight like this. To be humiliated? This won't end well.
Looking down at his husband again, Adam tucked a piece of his blonde hair behind his ear. Adam smiled as Lucifer shifted, smooshing his face into his chest.
Adam will fight for Lucifer and make things right. Make it up to him. For doubting him.
He'll kill Michael if he had to. Adam will most likely have to kill every archangel. But there was something rattling around in his head. Why did Gabriel help him? And giving him back all of his power? Adam appreciated the help, but he was confused.
Why would he go against Heaven? Adam was more than capable of destroying the very idea of Heaven and every sould and being in it.
So, what was his angle?
Lucifer: Addie...?
Adam: Shhh, go back to sleep, babe.
Lucifer cracked a sleepy eye open and looked up at his husband. A weak, tired smile spread across his lips.
Lucifer: I would love to... but your thoughts are too loud. They can wait till tomorrow, Ad.
Adam: I know- I... I'm just... I don't know...
Lucifer: Maybe you'll know tomorrow...
Adam: And if I don't?
Lucifer chuckled and patted Adam's chest: Then maybe you'll know the day after that...
Adam: What if-.
Lucifer: Adam. Sleep. Your king demands it.
Adam smirked: Oh, you're my king now, are you?
Lucifer: Half of you is a demon, so, I'm your king~.
Adam: Fair enough, babe.
Kissing his forehead, Adam rolled over and pulled Lucifer close. His king quickly snuggled into his warmth and fell back asleep.
As he yawned, Adam thought Lucifer was right about one thing. He'll figure this out another time. But for now, he needs to keep his king safe.
I miss our God!Adam Au
Sequel 👀
In Canada Eh! Lmao
CANADA FOREVER
Yes plsss! I miss our stupid, power-hungry boy 😫😫
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Hii I was wondering if you could write something about sleeping reader x needy yuma + jo pleaseeeeeee
Yuma+Reader+Jo Threesome 🔞
WC: 1,065
TW: Smut, Double Penetration, Unprotected sex(wrap before you tap), consensual somnophilia, threesome, she/her pronouns, AFAB reader, usage of nicknames, oral(reader receive), that should be all let me know if I forgot anything.
A/N: This took me a while to write this since it's more of a Oneshot/Full shot? and those take me a while to write. But I decided to combined these ask if that's okay.
You were originally supposed to work five hours today as you had to do the morning shift, but since your coworker had called off you ended up having to pick up their hours as well until someone else was able to come in and take over; that never happened. So when you did finally get home to say you were beyond exhaustion would be an understatement. All you wanted to do was go home and cuddle up in your bed and fall asleep.
So that being said, waking up with Jo playing with your tits and Yuma in between your legs eating you out like a starved man was not what you were expecting. Your soft sleepy moans now turning into loud whimpers as you tangle your fingers through your boyfriend's hair. His lips wrap around your clit sucking harshly, your other boyfriend scooting down to take a nipple in his mouth. Licking the little nub as his fingers flicker your other one. . “M’ sorry pretty, didn’t mean to wake you”, was all Jo could mutter out. Yuma finally pulling away from your now soaking wet pussy, “we just needed you baby girl, you're okay with pleasing us right lovely?”. Feeling overwhelmed you could barely respond, heat covering your body as the need of some sort of release overtook you. You whined out pathetically, “Pl-please?, need you”. Yuma gave you his signature smirk as he kissed you aggressively, his tongue shoving itself down your throat asserting his dominance. All of your clothes being discarded; as Jo maneuvered your bodies so that your back was now pressed against his bare chest with Yuma between your legs. Jo lips attached themselves to your neck, leaving little marks to show to everyone who you belonged to. Giving up on thinking you let your brain go blank as you let them both have their ways with you. Jo’s hand finds purchase on your chest once again, sending shivers down your body as your felt Yumas fingers rub your clit. Moans escaping your lips as you spread your legs further, “yuma? More, please need more”, yuma tilted his head to the side at your request. “More? You hear that Jo, our little kitten wants more, should we?” Jo’s cheeks flushed at his friend's words. Looking down at you he moved a strain of hair out your face and pressed a chaste kiss on your temple. “She's been good” he mumbled out, already lining his tip to your entrance. The corners of Yuma's lips curled up to a smirk, rubbing his dick slowly up and down against your clit making you whine out.
“Fine fine, m’gonna make you feel so good kitten” he cooed watching Jo slide his much longer member into you. Your eyes squeezing shut as you let out an exhale of pleasure. Jo began to slowly pump in and out of you, Yuma still rubbing his shorter but thicker dick against your clit. Leaning down as he captured your lips in a heated kiss, his tongue licking your lips before shoving past them. Capturing your tongue between his sucking harshly on your wet tongue making you whimper pathetically. Only letting go of it when he's satisfied; as he pulled a way ever so slightly “think you can take both of us?”. Just the thought of them both fucking into you has you moaning louder, spreading your legs wider like a whore in heat only nodding and whining out ‘please’. Taking his dick in hand and lining it up to your greedy hole as Jo slowly pulled out leaving only the tip. Jo stayed like that, waiting for Yuma to put his in, Jo’s hands running up and down your body. Rotating between squeezing your tits and holding your legs open as he continued to sucked little love bites all over your neck. Once Yuma finally pushed his tip in now alongside Jos you'd throw your head back letting out a loud moan. Both slowly sliding theirs in, already feeling overwhelmed from how Jo's dick reached deep inside and how Yuma's stretched you out to no end. They stayed still inside once they both bottomed out. Letting you get adjusted, Yuma kisses down your chest making sure to suck hard enough to leave bruises. Jo whispering in your ear on how well you're taking both of them. After a while you hips start to buck up, squirming around wanting them to just fuck you already. Your actions caused Jo to wrap his arms around your waist tightly as he inhaled sharply. Yuma smirks as he straightens his back, hands gripping your thighs as he holds them open. Pulling out slowly till it's just his tip, Jo also pulls out but slower to Yuma. So when it was just Yuma's tip and Jo still half sleeved in you it made you and Jo both moan when Yuma slammed into you. Now being fucked by both sending your body into overdrive, your eyes rolling back moans falling from your lips. The way Jo barely pulled out with each thrust, being slower but harsher than Yuma's paired with how Yuma was thrusting into you like a wild beast making sure to pull out all the way till it was just the tip and filling you back up again.
It has you seeing stars, feeling your orgasm already building up as they took turns hitting that special spot. Your moans getting higher and higher as Jos hand reaches down in-between your legs, rubbing fast circles on your clit making sure to add just the right amount of pressure.
Your back arching when they both simultaneously speed up, feeling their release coming soon. Yours reaching it breaking point pussy clenching down tightly squeezing them both as your vision goes white, body trembling with intensity. Only hearing Yuma groan out fuck and Jos hold on you getting tighter as you felt warmth oozing inside you filling you up to the brim. Your body goes limp against No as he massages your shoulders. Yumas fingers lightly grazing your stomach, “fucking christ we got to do this more often” he let out breathy all of you trying to catch your breath but nodding in agreement. “S’glad you brought this up” Jo whispered to you, which again you also agreed. Who would've thought a simple idea of wanting them to fuck you awake would feel so fucking good.
#auntiefaye🧚🏻♀️#&team hard hours#&team smut#&team hard thoughts#&team yuma hard hours#&team yuma hard thoughts#&team yuma smut#&team jo hard thought#&team jo hard hours#&team jo smut
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i miss how i felt before this year.
#i always felt like shit before august but not like this much. im so tired of being chronically dizzy .it feelsl ike my brain is melting.#im constantly dizzy and my eyes cant focus my head and eyes dont feel centered#despite cuting out alot of things its not going away. i cant focus anymore. all i can do is lie down for somewhat relief.#i miss being able to focus on anything at all. and just to exist. even if i felt mentally like shit.#id give anything to feel normal i really would. i just wanna feel better. im not saying no to the doctor. i WANT to#but thers so much sickness risk. thats hteo nly thing stopping me from going. otherwise id go to the doc for every ailment#i need an MRI scan badly to check what hapened back in august. i need a scan for seizures aswell and a heart monitor.#i also need updated labwork for blood and everything. but these things are out of reach unless i go to a reg doctor.#and that exposes me and i cant stand it. last time someone actively had norovirus in the next room over and that same doctor#came up to me like nothing and confirmed it with me. didnt even wash her fucking hands. i was inconsolable and traumatized further.#i dont wanna be around anyone. i wish things were easier for me i wanna go to the doctor. i feel id rather die instead. i cant take this.#i would even take an EAR INFECTION which has deafened me over feeling like this. im not even kidding.#health issues /#venting in tags /#vent art /#vent doodles /#self scribbles -#cicidraws#deleting later- - //#im convinced i had a small stroke back in august and i havent been the same since. now i cant take aspirin. every time i do it worsens dizz#dizziness. i started feeling a little better at one point and took it and it restarted my dizziness again. im sure i have something going o#my anxiety because of feeling this way has been thru the roof and has not stopped being thru the roof. its so hard to calm down.
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my problematic gender truth is that i actually feel no attachment to either of the two binary gender constructs. it just like. makes no sense to me. i've got my own unrelated thing going on. but in the absence of connection to either choice i really do find it more convenient to cosplay closer to the one that people treat like a human being
#have never liked being a girl. but that's not really out of like. any kind of desperation to be anything else.#i don't care about being a man literally at all in fact the idea is kind of uncomfortable to me. cause i'm not a man#but being perceived as a woman is such orders of magnitude worse...#testosterone is awesome cause transsexuality is so fucking hot no matter what#but like. dysphoria is so fucking weird when there's not even rll anything i'm trying to pass as. i complain ab not passing but i'm not#like. putting my all into it. i go out looking like i do and i know i'm not reading Man i don't give a fuck.#but yet... holding myself back from fun makeup looks... from skirts even... cause knowing that someone sees me as a woman is Awful#like. dehumanizing even. viscerally uncomfortable.#idk. for me it connects to a lack of respect. girls will treat me nice no matter what and i don't think i read as a girl To Girls#vague gay person energy that just makes them say 'slay' around me too much. so not a Boy to them but i'll play gbf whatevs whatevs#starting a conversation with a man and being able to immediately tell that they see me as a woman fucking Sucks though.#many people are normal and so this is not an issue <3 and even if they don't see me as a man it's like whatever <3#but many people. well.#I Can Tell You Don't Respect Me. Could You Treat Me Like A Tranny At Least#disgust would be better honestly. long sigh though#every trans person i meet says i pass like hell. cis people continue to be blind and fucking stupid though#i read as a boy to ai now lmao i get the boy results on filters. so it's something wrong with the real life cissies i think#valentine notes
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whatever i did to be cursed me to be constantly tired and sneezing at work and then also come back to my flat and im fine but having an actual fuckin sauna in my room ??? i atone for it please let me rest
please let me come home and lie on the floor without melting into a puddle of sweat and pain
#i always forget how much i hate summer when i have to work#i would give anything to go back to being able to fuck around at the beach all summer#but noooooo i have to get 800 hours of work experience to graduate#and my current job has me doing shit that i doubt i’ll be able to relate to my degree#(human pick and place machine is not good mech workshop experience)#so im gonna have a Ball trying to work it into something acceptable so i dont have to suffer this again
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━━ ❝ it's sticky, toshi... ❞
ᯓ ❤︎₊‧⁺...synopsis : you help ushijima finally realize that he's got a breeding kink
ᯓ ❤₊‧⁺...cw : u. wakatoshi x fem!reader, dirty talk, messy and wet, teasing, marathon sex, pet names, breeding kink, talks of pregnancy, ushijima can't stop cumming
ᯓ ❤₊‧⁺...lunar's note : haikyuu save me, save me ushijima wakatoshi, SAVE ME !! anyways hi i spent 150$ on ushijima merch yesterday and i don't regret it, so say hello to my haikyuu phase coming back !!!
ushijima having a breeding kink isn't a surprise to you at all.
what is surprising is how long it takes for him to figure it out.
sure, at first it wasn't clear, but after being with him for so long, you quickly pick up on whenever he'd mutter in your ear as he slid his stupidly big cock inside of you, saying how badly he wished he could cum inside of you instead in the condom.
afterwards, he's so focused on cleaning you up and making sure you felt good and satisfied, you don't get a chance to question him on it. not that you were complaining, ushijima is so cute when he's asking if you need anything and constantly reminds you to get up and go use the bathroom.
it's even cuter when he realizes you can't walk.
"ah. i'm sorry, i didn't realize how hard i went...here, let me help."
eventually, you to suggest things to ushijima, trying to test out the waters with him.
you start by just asking if he’d want to fuck you without the condom, what he thought about cumming inside, even jokingly saying you’d make him a dad one day.
but it seems like that last part was swimming around his head for a while...he can't get the thought of you getting chubby and round with his kid out of your head. and knowing he'd be able to take care of you all the time? that thought alone made him shiver a little.
what can he say, he loves doting on you more than anything.
however, you aren't expecting the way he reacted weeks after dealing with your teasing and questioning, fueling the thoughts swirling inside his head.
"toshi, if you ever cum inside me, you should set it as your phone background! actually, wait, no, because what if your teammates see it..."
"..."
"mm, maybe a video instead? ooh, yeah, i want a video of you cumming in me then pullin' out so i can see it spill out, toshtosh, would you do that f' me?"
he doesn't reply and doesn't give you a chance to comment again. the visual you painted in his mind just too much for him.
next thing you know, ushi's got you folded in half on the bed, making sure you feel every drag of his stupidly fat cock against your hot gummy walls. he's pulling out to just the tip before slamming back inside you, groaning each time you let out a whimper of his name or squeeze down on him.
"toshi, t-toshi! h-hoohmygod, please, baby, c-calm down, 'm sorry f' teasin', oh my goddd...!"
you're so fucking wet and noisy, he wants to make you be quiet because he feels like your going to make him cum too fast but he'd never ever do it as the thought of not being able to hear you is painful.
he's lost track of time, your cunt making him brainless as he pumps his cock in and out of you as he groans your name, one of his hands pinning your arms to your back while the other presses your head into the pillows.
"s-shhh, honey, let...let me make you feel good, y're so loud..."
it's so fucking messy and sloppy, his cum is dripping out of your tight pussy from how many times he’s emptied his load into you, but he still isn’t stopping, no, he can't. it’s leaking from between your thighs, leaving a milky white sheen on his dick, dripping down onto the bedsheets.
"m-mmh, nooo, toshi, don' wanna be quiet, i-i wan' you to hear how good you make me feel, baby," you purr between moans, knowing that your voice was enough to get him off. the throb of his dick inside of you told you that you were right.
“i...i thought 'bout fucking you like this all day, during practice…that i’d fuck you full of my cum, get it so deep inside you," he mutters with a grunt, moving his hands off you so he could drape himself over your back.
"f-fuck, everyone knew something was off, kageyama kept asking me if-if was okay, how 'm i 'posed to tell him my pretty little honey is waiting at home for me to fill them with my cum?”
with an affirming coo, you manage to tilt your head to the side to look over your shoulder, wanting to see how ushijima is holding up and god, the sight is so sinful.
ushijima's dripping in sweat, his bottom lip swollen and puffy from his teeth digging into it. his fluffy hair is messy and sticking to his damp forehead, and his eyes are shut, squeezing in pleasure when the head of his cock brushed against that sweet spot just right, making your cunt spasm around him.
but his eyes keep opening to see the mess between the both of you. each thrust causes his cum to spill out around him, loud, wet squelches filling the bedroom. and it's only fueling his need to fill you up again, and again, and again, until he can’t anymore.
ushijima can’t stop himself, flipping you over onto your back and folding you into a mating press and, god, he's so fucking happy he did. the way you sob his name, your nails clawing at his back as you cry in pleasure about how much deeper he is now driving him insane.
“t-toshi, cum in me, please, wanna make you a daddy, please.”
“I know, baby, I’ll give you all of it, fuck you full of cum until you can’t take anymore.”
fuck, he’s so loud, he sounds so good. ushi's deep, drawn out groans and pants of your name making you go dizzy, his big hands squeezing your waist tightly each time your hands tug at his hair.
“mm, fuck, that’s right, take all my cum, look at you, so good, can you take more? let...let me cum in you again, baby, you promised you’d make me a daddy, right? i-i need to make sure it sticks.”
all rights reserved © lxnarphase | do not repost, copy, translate, or alter my work
#ushijima x reader#ushijima wakatoshi x reader#ushijima smut#ushijima wakatoshi smut#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x you#ushijima x you#ushijima wakatoshi x you#haikyuu smut#hq x reader#hq smut#hq x you#🍉 ── wakatoshi.#˗ˏˋ ★ lxnarworks .ᐟ
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arcane women nsfw headcanons
(vi, caitlyn, sevika, ambessa)
cw: 18+, overstimulation, brief mention of bdsm, choking, spit, i talk about both topping and bottoming with each characters.
vi:
when topping: eats it for her own pleasure: meaning she can have her face buried in between your thighs for hours and hours on end, pushing you back down onto the bed whenever you’d try lift yourself up and get away from the onslaught of overwhelming pleasure. service top when she’s in a good mood, sure — she’d be obsessed with your sounds, the way your walls would flutter around her. it would be making love rather than sex: sweet and tender. but when she isn’t in a good mood? she’d be selfish and greedy. more focused on her own pleasure than yours. her stroke game would be Crazy… ?!?? fast and rough as fuck. like let us breathe, damn!
when bottoming: a shameless MOANER!!! vocal as fuck obviously. she drools, whining in frustration when she doesn’t get what she wants. loves to arch her back. she’d have sensitive ass nipple piercings that would drive her insane if you touched them, crying out if you’d flick your tongue against them. pants like a bitch and breathlessly begs to cum hehehehe
caitlyn:
when topping: would treat you as if you were a fucking science experiment, meaning she’d explore what would stimulate you the most and push you to extreme lengths to see what would truly break you. murmuring ‘ah…’s and humming to herself in fascination when she clocks your reactions, what would make you squirm and twitch like crazy. she’d be pretty cruel, not giving a fuck if you’d start crying. a little ‘poor baby’ would suffice. a freakaleek…. bdsm would go WILDDDD with her, and you wouldn’t expect it too; the way she carries herself so humbly in public.
when bottoming: heavy breather until you’re, like, three rounds in… that’s when the whining and the drawled moans and whimpers start to come out full throttle. power bottom, would communicate if she wanted you to keep doing what you’re doing. “just like that, don’t stop…” would lace her fingers through your hair if you were eating her out, gripping it tightly if the pleasure was truly messing her uppppp! not only your hair, her hands would find purchase in anything to hold on to if you were fucking her good, good.
sevika:
when topping: ohhh this bitch likes to taunt… i mean, taunt taunt you. she’s so teasing, laughing at the helpless look on your face. she’d force you to look up at her, make eye contact as she’s fucking you senseless. would play coy when she’d stop just as you were on the brink of releasing, “oh? is something wrong?” would gently yet patronisingly shush you if you started to cry. oh my fucking god and the smearing??? she would spit on your already weeping pussy and spread it with her fingers, mixing it with your arousal. shit, she’d make you suck her fingers before smearing it all over your face, especially if your face was already wet with tears. she’d love squishing your face, giving it a playful shake whilst knowing you were on the brink of passing out. PET NAMES!!!! bunny, baby, princess, sweetheart would not fail to leave her lips. good at hiding how pathetic she really is, except when she’s eating the fuck out of your pussy, being so driven by your sounds and the way you taste that she’d cum without even being touched.
when bottoming: professional hip buckler. so fucking stupid. you’d see a completely different side to the sevika she usually presents herself as, being a needy and whining mess instead: eyes rolling to the back of her head. loves being overstimulated, babbling words like ‘yesyesyes’ that slur together. if you’d choke her, you’d be able to visibly see her brain kick down a few gears; the foggy eyes, arched eyebrows and slack jaw combo would be sososo cute :(( would nod along like a bobble-head to anything you’d tell or ask her to do, with her lil puppy eyes too. maybe a little bit of a masochist,,,,, shhhhhh
ambessa:
when topping: oh ambessa would know how to FUCK. it would be so easy for her to find your sweet spots, and she’d be vigilant like a hawk about it. she’d hit your g-spot consistently, her movements precise and efficient. she’d enjoy your shyness, your struggle with looking at her in the eye: finding it adorable. would talk you through your orgasm. sweet voice whispering praises in your ear as you teetered on the edge of a searing climax. your waist would be her favourite thing to hold on to, especially if she’s giving you back-shots. her lips would be rested in a satisfied smile throughout the entire thing.
when bottoming: hmmmmm i feel like bottoming would kind of be an extension to her topping, meaning she wouldn’t be a bottom 😭 ambessa is such a dominant, powerful character that it’s quite hard to imagine her as submissive. so she’d just let you pleasure her once in a while, praising you as you’d lap up her juices like a dog, fuelling you to do more. her moans would come from her throat, face falling a little if it felt a little too good.
a/n: fofmfhskejfnsjwjdnnwjw something small whilst i cook up a long abby fic. (i miss writing long story fics🙁) lmk ur nsfw headcanons ab these characters >3<
#arcane#sevika x reader#arcane smut#sevika smut#lesbian smut#lesbian#arcane fanfic#wlw fanfic#wlw#wlw ns/fw#vi arcane#vi smut#arcane x reader#arcane x you#caitlyn kirraman#caitlyn x reader#vi x reader#vi x you#ambessa medarda#ambessa arcane#ambessa x reader#ambessa smut#wlw domme#wlw switch#wlw yearning#sevika arcane#caitlyn arcane#caitvi#drabble#arcane drabbles
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Can I request hcs for batboys experiencing the best blowjobs in their life from their s/o who is shy and has no experience in the sexual activities (like this is their first time doing and they were eager to please the boys)?
🥀A/n: YES!!!! TYSM FOR REQUESTING!!!!
🥀Character(s): Dick Grayson x reader, Jason Todd x reader, Bruce Wayne x reader
🥀Cw: smut, blowjob, dirty talk, praise, inexperienced/virgin!reader
🥀minors dni
Dick Grayson :
he's more than a little cocky at first, cooing at you and treating you like a precious little angel. your inexperience and eagerness definitely turns him on a bit, and that makes him all the more susceptible to how skilled you are at giving him head
thinks it's cute how shy you are, and definitely wants you to be naked beneath him. he doesn't mind if you touch yourself while your pleasuring him, and thinks it's adorable how your eyes widen when you see how big he is
how is that going to fit in your mouth?
while he does tease and mock you just a liiiittle, Dick isn't an asshole
he talks you through it the entire time as he's gently pushing his cock into your mouth, praising you for taking him so well and brushing the tears from your eyes when you gag on his length
when you start sucking him off, Dick swears he's in heaven. he can't help but buck his hips and grind against your face, and it takes everything in him to restrain himself from grabbing a fistfull of your hair and fucking your throat
his head is tossed back and his thighs are twitching, he's mumbling out praises and unashamedly moaning your name like it's a prayer
if you tease him a bit like he did to you and edge him, he will cry and bitch and moan about it until you let him cum.
also, this man has STAMINA expect him to last a little while. if you end up getting too needy and start masturbating while sucking him off, Dick will instruct you on what to do, what pace you should set, and if you end up edging him, he'll make you edge yourself as well. i don't think he's a very strict dom often, but he is commanding when it comes to this. loooveesss when you moan around his cock, the vibrations make him even louder and he is not ashamed of screaming your name when he comes like a porn star. (literally everyone in a mile radius is traumatized)
for your first time, i dont think he'd make you swallow his cum, and it would take a little while until he asks to cum in your mouth. i do think he prefers if u swallow it though. and if you show him his cum in your mouth before swallowing? be prepared for at least 2 more rounds of him just eating you out cuz that turns him on SO QUICK. he prefers to cum in your mouth but won't for the first time out of fear that you think he's a weirdo (he is)
Jason Todd :
Jason is also big on praising you, especially when it comes to your first time sucking him off. he wants to make the experience as comfortable for you as possible and is adamant about having you tap out if anything makes you uncomfortable
thinks its hot when you kneel in front of him, he has a bit of a size kink and you in a smaller position turns him on more than he'd like to admit
makes you suck on his fingers before he lets you suck on his cock. he's a little bit mean and makes you spit on his dick as lube, there's something about how sloppy it is that makes him feral
holds your jaw while you take him in your mouth and coos the sweetest praises as you adjust to his size. Jason is quick to calm any anxieties you have about not being able to take him, and his hand doesn't leave your face the entire time you suck him off. whenever you gag or gasp around him, his thumb runs soothingly over your cheek and he pulls out ever so slightly
talks you through it at first, giving you firm instructions on how to please him.
"fuuck, yea doll, swirl your tongue jus' like that. see baby, you're a natural, practically made f'my cock.."
lots of soft grunts and groans with the occasional whine. he isn't as much of a talker as he begins to get close, but is still pretty vocal
prefers to pull out and cum on your chest, he definitely would not cum on your face but wouldn't mind cumming in your mouth. your chest is definitely his preference though, and he loves when you look up at him with big doe eyes as his release drips down your front
definitely returns the favor and makes you cum at least twice, and is also big on aftercare!!
Bruce Wayne :
listen, while Bruce is definitely into blowjobs, he gets off on your pleasure more than his own. he'll buy you one of those remote controlled vibrators to use on you while your sucking him off, and increases the vibrations when he's close so you both cum at the same time
very gentle with you. he doesn't want to make you gag or hurt you, and he keeps a cautious hand gently resting on the top of your head as you take him into your mouth
loooots of praise, especially when you moan around his cock from the vibrator
Bruce is very quiet during sex in general, but he's a little more vocal than usual when receiving head. he lets out soft sighs and groans of pleasure, mixed in with praises and affectionate whispers of your name
"yes, darling, just like that... so good f'me..."
his thighs twitch and shudder a looot when you suck him off, and his back arches ever so slightly <3 its a very pretty sight to see
while your first time would probably be in the safety and comfort of your bedroom, Bruce loves the intensity of semi-public sex. he definitely wants you to suck him off under his desk, the risk and thrill of being caught all the more prominent whenever footsteps are heard walking by his office doors
likes teasing you and edging you with the vibrator, he wants this to be a pleasurable experience for both of you but may tease you just a bit about cumming untouched
prefers to cum in your mouth, but he'll ask if it's okay before he does so. its a bit of a dirty secret, but he loves kissing you after you gave him head and tasting himself on your tongue. he isn't exactly possessive, but it arouses him more than he'd care to admit
very sweet with aftercare! he'll chuckle at you a bit if you complain about having a sore jaw, but otherwise treats you very well. he definitely always eats you out after you auck him off, even though you've already came. he also would be into experimenting with the remote control vibrator some more if your interested.... 😇
if this seems a teensy bit bad then im sorry, i wrote it while very sleep deprived 💀
ANYWAYS!!! HOPE U ENJOYED!!!! plsplsoslspslsps PLEASE send in jason todd asks this is not a drill
#dc x reader#dc smut#dc imagine#dick grayson x reader#nightwing x reader#dick grayson smut#nightwing smut#dick grayson imagine#nightwing imagine#jason todd x reader#jason todd smut#jason todd imagine#red hood x reader#red hood smut#red hood imagine#bruce wayne x reader#bruce wayne smut#bruce wayne imagine#batman x reader#batman smut#batman imagine#nightwing#red hood#batman#dick grayson#jason todd#bruce wayne
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I'm gonna be so open and honest with you guys right now i fucking rly dont want to go to work tomorrow .
#im violently nauseous rn and ik its judt bc ive been in a straining position and also i ate like 20 slimjins but like km only gonna get 5#hours of sleep maximum im gonna have a headache im so tired of everything i wanna have a day off but i cant. Its only tuesday and im#already liek Please can we be done please no more this week all done all done#im so fucking sick of working i dont want to have to work for the next 40 years Minimum. i hate everythingbon earth#i dont understand how ppl work fulltime and have a life i only get 2 live At all on weekends#and even then its only 1 day saturday bc sunday is my Doing all my chores and stuff day#so i do all my laundry i tidy up the room Et cetera. i dont udnerstand how people can just do this forever#it genuinely feels like. bc i leave 4 work at 6am. i get home around 5pm. im supposed to go to bed. well technically i should go 2 bed at#9 to get a full 9 hours but look man . that would give me 4 hours a day to be a person#so my bedtime is officially 10 but usually i go to bed at 12 which means i dont get enough sleep which means as soon as i getnoff work the#next day im even less willing to do anything#+ doing anything fun fucking costs money if not the thing itself the travel expenses. and if i spend money i just have to work to make that#money back i fucking hate it. and im doing this for what. so that in 40 years i can retire and then 10 years after that oh no unforeseen#expenses or something suddenly my retirement isnt cutting it i have to go work at fucking walmart or something as a 70 year old judt to#make ends meet. god. And when the fuck am i supposed to have kids i want kids very badly one day but how the fuck am i supposed to have#kids if id only be able to spend Maximum 6 hours a day with them. thats if my work is like Doectly next door.#how. how. how. less than 6 hours even bc theyd go to bed before i did so rly like 3 hours a day with my theoretical kids Im an awful#theoretical parent and maybe my theoretical spouse works less hours so they can be home with the kids but they resent me for always being#at fucking work 9 hours a fucking day and they resent me for not being there for our theoretical kids Im sorry theoretical partner i want#to fucking be there but SOMEBODY has to put money into our theoretical savings account. UGH!!!#i hate work i hate it i hate it#i dont even hate my job i just hate that its my entire fucking life#i hate that i essentially get half a day every week thats truly mine that i get to do whatever i want. and in my current situation i barely#even fucking get that idk.
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