#i would feed him a vape whole

[fittlebottom]

who gaf abt alucard when this diva is right here

[eternallyei]

What a long ride..

smut, lil angst, eren yeager x f!reader ~ +5,5k words

Casually sipping on his vape, Eren sits on the stairs, impatiently waiting for the bell to ring the end of his lovely prisoner’s class.

He takes a sip of smoke in and then blows it out, it feeds his brain just good enough to be honest. And even if smoking was prohibited inside the building, who is he to give a fuck about rules anyway.

He looks around, in case anyone catches him smoking inside the building, or report that he isn’t in class again. Not that he cares but he just wants to leave and not being held in the headmaster’s office for the uncountable hours of class he skips.

Let’s be honest and say Eren isn’t the best student in this university, he might even win if a 'worst student' contest occurred. He’s smart though, but not for class. Not at all, or he just doesn't even try.

He sighs, time seems so long when you want it to be fast, and he loses patience. He lasted twenty eight poor minutes before he feels the urge to take you out of class.

He slips his vape back in his vest pocket and goes to your class. Going up the stairs two by two, until aisle C, where he jogs to your class.

Windows give a sight enough reachable from his height to check whether you really care about the lesson or not. An airy laugh escapes him when he catches sight of you.

"exactly what i thought, you do not give a single fuck about whatever my man mr. Matsuoka is tryna explain"

You’re there, half listening half fighting against your eyes to not close. Leaning your head on your palm, and playing with your pen in your other hand.

Finally you look at the aisle windows and here is his head trying to sneak into the annoying hour you are going through. He blinks at you, shooting you a small malicious smile.

You frown nodding him to go away, when all of a sudden he disappears. You take a breath of relief before the class becomes silent.

knock knock

"come in!"

You hide behind your hands when Eren’s figure appears in the doorframe. Gosh Eren, don’t embarrass me, please..

"hello, um.. i’d like to borrow one of your students if you’d allow me"

The teacher raises an eyebrow in confusion. What the hell would be more important than attending his class after all ?

A sucker for the headmaster, Eren bets.

"yeah, i was told to bring her to big daddy’s office"

You pinch the bridge of your nose at his words while the whole class giggles. If only you had the ability to disappear, it would help right now.

Seriously Eren ? Big daddy’s office ??

He’s so stupid sometimes you wonder how he didn’t fail his years until now. The whole university have a crush on him even though he’s an idiot asshole and everyone giggles when he says his intrusive thoughts out loud. Having no shame to spit words like this in front of everyone is probably your biggest strength Eren i swear to god, you think.

"Yeager, you better stop fooling around before I send you to the headmaster myself !"

Eren holds back a laughter as he realizes the teacher understood who he was referring to, then he quickly continues.

"yeah yeah, anyway, can I ?"

"if he asked you to, go ahead."

In a split second, he locks eyes with you. Everyone turns around to look at you, not so surprised he came for you. The whole college knows Eren follows you around like a dog, whether he just walks next to you looking like a murderer or talks non stop while teasing you.

You look at him, clearly unamused by the situation he puts you in when he nods and gestures you to come.

"take your stuff.. just in case", he says, shooting a fake smile at the teacher.

You pack your stuff and greet the professor, uttering a small apology before leaving. Eren closes the door behind you and you walk down the corridor, thinking about what stupid plan he found again.

"don’t thank me"

"did not even think about it"

Getting down the stairs, you stop mid-way, making him look back up at you.

"we’re not heading to the headmaster’s office, are we ? where are you leading me again Eren ?"

"no, big daddy doesn’t really want to see your ugly face, sorry"

"Eren, fuck, stop being so dumb for gods sake"

"what ! what did i do again ?"

"big daddy ? seriously ?"

"you don’t like it ?"

"i don’t."

"'kay, whatever babe. can we go now ?"

"don't call me-"

"let’s go already, just trust me"

"that’s exactly the reason why i asked, you idiot”

“ugh.. fuck it, c’mhere"

He walks up the stairs, takes the handle of your backpack and throws it over his shoulder. He sighs.

"the fuck you think you’re doing, 'ren ?"

"learning you how to behave like a good girl"

You roll your eyes as he winks at you, clearly proud that he got to act stupid again, and tease you more. He bents down waist level, grabbing your legs to throw you over his shoulder too.

You tried to fight at least but you both know who’s stronger here.

As you arrived to the car, Eren sets you back to the floor, opens the passenger’s door and waves in circles like the clowns do i guess for you to get seated in the car.

You just stare at him, unsure however it’s one of the days he’s eager to gain that trust of yours or either it’s those days he ends up with some shitty tricks or plans with you.

He smiles at how undetermined you are to give him your trust and do as he pleases.

"c'mon, babe.. we’re not gonna wait here all day. get inside the car"

You give him your meanest side eye look and get seated in the car in silence while he holds eye contact.

"hhh.. thank you", he nods.

He slams the door back and gets seated in the driver seat. Puts his key in the car before everything lights up and the engine roars.

Eren fastens his seatbelt and looks at you

"seatbelt, miss"

And you do.

After some time, when you’ve reached the highway, your mind just wanders.

He really just made you skip classes to take you out ? Where even ? Couldn’t he just wait for your day to end ? It’s not your business if HE doesn’t want to go to school and have a diploma and.. whatever.

You roll your eyes again, Eren has just been conducting you to escape whatever responsible decisions you take.

It makes you think about back then where it all began, raised by not-so-legal parents, your dad barely home but enough to remind you how in danger you were from his enemies. When as much warning as he gave you, you still ended up being taken away from your sweet home.

Surrounded by a bunch of unhealthy individuals but only one stood out from the crowd, and it was Eren. He looked good and healthier for once, it felt reassuring, and yet again here he was the only one taking real care of you. Or even just giving a slight shit about you.

He spent time with you, learning how you worked around people, who you could bear with and who you couldn’t.

You were so thankful at first, because he acted so nice and irreproachable. His nice demeanor felt like you could at least feel some relief in having him as a friend or.. whatever.

Unfortunately, it didn’t last long enough for him to show how irresponsible and childish he could be. Almost stalking you everyday at school, the only place you could go to outside the mansion. He went on asking you out here and there, while you try to decline but he never failed to make you say yes.

Well, to be very honest, let’s not say you’ve grown to have a crush on this dude because he would like it a bit too much but.. let’s still stay honest and say you actually do. You probably like his annoying ass at least a little. Barely a lot, as a secret.

Then again, here you are, going all in for one of his plan again, who knows what he’ll come up with this time and how awfully awkward it will be.

You turn your head to look at him, seeing he’s so focused on the road in front of him.

He’s just so fine, c’mon.

His defined hands that you admire so often, left hand firmly gripping the wheel while his right one stays on the gearbox. Notice how he’s still wearing all his jewelries, including the bracelet you offered him.

His toned chest peacefully rising up and down as if life wasn’t the biggest of his concerns at all, god.. he got you daydreaming in your seat right next to him. they must be heavy over his heart..

His hair tied up in a messy bun letting some strands escape and fall on his neck, as well as letting out some streaks of hair fall in front of his face. Do they never get in his eyes ?

His tongue licking wet his pinkish lips from time to time, and his eyes wandering on the road, aware of every details around him.

Those beautiful emerald eyes that keep fidgeting between cars and the road, before they snap at you.

You snap your head back to the window, acting like nothing happened as the blush invades your cheeks.

"i was wondering how long you’d check me out before i’d have to bring you out of your cunt.

it was actually pretty much of a long stare, babe.. i might think you like me more than you show it”

He’s so annoying, you even start to regret staring at him. Sometimes you just wish he’d choke on air.

"shut up, i was just looking around. the silence sounded way too unusual”

He laughed, way too entertained by your annoyance.

“where are we going, it’s been almost an hour you’ve been driving"

“chill, it’s been fifteen minutes, i’m just searching for a good place to stop"

"so you’re gonna abandon me in the middle of nowhere ?"

"Yes, smarty. order of the big master”

Eren keeps messing with you. You know damn well no one in that goddamn crew would dare take the risk to lose a so precious ressource. That gentle little girl is worth too much to lose.

Checking several times whether you’re looking or not, he puts a hand on your thigh, making you jolt in surprise. You try to push his hand away but his grip is just so tight and strong, it’s of no use. And whenever you ‘politely’ ask him to take his hand off your thigh, he gives no shit and only gets further and closer to your heat.

So at the end you just give up.

After a little moment of fighting with Eren in your head, he drives off to a resting point of the highway.

“what are you doing ? where are we ?”

“have you already fucked on the back seats of a car ?”

I’m sorry ?? your thoughts freeze for a split second, heart dropping from the stairs of a scale all the way to your stomach. It’s clear he’s not joking for once, he’s good at hinting but a very bad liar. You don’t know whether you wish you heard him right or whether you wish you never heard him at all but you also debate whether it’s his personal needs or the crew heads one.

The one time he had to not be flirting or teasing you, spending his time telling you dirty shits just to get you flustered… it had to be the time he finally mentions sex with you.

While he calmly parks the car, you try to clear things in your mind, trying to hide the obvious heat going all the way to your cheeks again.

I might be hearing hallucinations. Your thoughts just mix together, a part of you doesn’t want to have this conversation with him, but then again.. look at him, and look at you melting in your seat at some damn words.

Your poor stomach tightens as he takes a stop between the parking stripes.

Eren pulls on the handbrake and stays silent for a few seconds as you almost hold your breath next to him, the knock in your stomach feels so tight. Gosh, breathe, it’s.. good thing.

He looks around, some cars are parked farther down the lines, at least not next to his. And then he watches you, and how you stare at your feet, at whatever inexistant detail suddenly appeared to be interesting.

He giggles, as if the situation was hilarious.

"look who became so silent! you’re always opening your fucking mouth, hissing back at me when i say shit and now that i bring sex into light.. you’re quiet like never.

‘ssup kitten, cat caught your tongue ? mmh ?"

He tugs your hair behind your ear to have a better view of your face, and you try to pull back. He sits back in his seat, and clears his throat.

“sit your pretty ass in the back.”

“but..”

“that wasn’t a question, doll, i said sit your pretty ass in the back of this car.”

“Eren not here, please!”

“come on, nobody’s gonna see us”

A big sigh escapes your lips, why here ? You try to pull on the handle but to no avail, doors long closed by the moment you both fastened your seatbelt.

“let me step out”

“no, i’m not allowed to do that, you know that”

"then let me get to the backseats"

"sure, as you wish", he nods, before he unlocks the door for you.

You know this is like a beast playing with his feast before a meal, he’s so confident around you. Nearly stepping out, you thought maybe it was time to end your fugitive life after all. You mentally facepalm at how naive you sound, he knows every next step of yours.

You stand next to the car, pretending to be an obedient hostage for once in your career but your eyes wander around, trying to find a car who's about to leave where you can hop in.

Unfortunately, he knows you and steps out too, calling you out of your thoughts.

"hey, i know what you’re thinking about, don’t test me."

You stare at him, snapping your head back at some people farther back, walking towards their car. Who does he think you are to not try it out, huh ? Who’s the bad little bunny now, mmh ?

"hey, if you run away, i’ll fuck you right on the door in front of you for anyone who parks next to us to see. am i clear ?"

Sounds dissuasive enough, even if the car was hidden enough by wonderful mother nature.. but why not try though, it might work to run away. At least you won’t have to face those money and killing hungry men every morning again. It seems like a good deal, right ?

Heels spinning around before you start walking faster and faster, all to the strangers car, while Eren sighs yet again, not even bothering to run at this point. He knows you won't get a single chance with strangers on this road. Do you even know how many couples are fighting on runways ? How many pretty young women like you are taken away to satisfy needs ?

And here you are stumbling over your words at how to explain or tell them why you need them to take you anywhere safer than the woods. By the time you finally get to the point he already reaches you, putting his best actor mask on, proving you how good of a liar he can turn out to be.

"hello man, i’m sorry! she’s kinda lost, you know!

he stares into your lost eyes,

love, it's okay, c'mhere, i’m sorry for what I said, let’s go back home, ok ?

Eren takes a firm hold of your hand,

sorry for the inconvenience, you know how it is! have a nice road man!"

You couldn’t believe how ridiculously easy it was to get rid of these people like nothing happened, they probably couldn’t even speak your language.

"you know how big of troubles you could’ve just put me into ?

gonna hav’ta stick to my words..

you think i’m scared like you are.."

And just as he said, he pulled you by your wrist your chest hitting the right door of the car, smirking at your attempt to pull back and your voice echoing just to beg him to not do that. Not here, like that for everyone to see, please.

He squeezed his chest against you, making a sort of metal sound when your body hits the vehicle.

He makes you spread your legs with his knees and grabs your pantie under the poor skirt you were so happy to wear today. He takes it off, stuffing it in his pocket.

"if you continue breathing so heavy and fast, you might also fuck yourself on my cock, once i’m in, kitten"

Shut up. He loses no time before his fingers slide down your clit, making the heat come up to your cheeks and ears when you realise how wet you were already.

"look who’s dripping, i didn’t even touch you yet. is that how 'desperate' you are for it, mmh ?"

"fuck you"

He laughed, "no babe, fuck you"

He rubs circles over your clit, his boner pressed against your ass. You let out an airy moan at how sweet his fingers feel around your bundle of nerve.

He plays with you, while you debate in your head whether he plays better with your clit than you’ve done alone in your room, wishing it was him all this time.

He draws circles, slides up and down, writing his name over your clit, fast or slow, he decides. He was just enjoying that touch as much as you did personally.

His hands, that you spent hours watching, are between your thighs playing like you wish was his tongue. Eren rubs himself on your ass, trying to get some friction from the mere contact of your body, he's so hard, his cock twitches in his boxer already. Just thinking about being inside you makes him want to cum so bad.

He's as desperate as you, let’s be honest. He wants himself inside you as much as you're dying to feel his cock deep in your core.

Hearing metallic sounds from what seems like his belt, you close your eyes tight, trying to imagine anything, anywhere else you could be where no one would see you both right now. Within a second after his fingers left your clit, he slips in. Like he’s been waiting for this for ages.

His dick brushes every little part of your cunt, his hands grabbing your waist so hard it starts to burn. The tip of his cock stretches the way in enough for him to fit all in at once.

And surprisingly, it feels so good your eyes roll back and you're already moaning. Even with all the strength you could think of having, it's just so hard to hold back the lewd screams.

Your wetness helps his way in and he slides in and out with so less effort, he smacks his hips on yours, holding your waist tighter than ever to feel all of you.

Eren can’t even think straight, he’s pounding as fast as he can, as hard as he can, the car moves back and forth with his movements, and here you are, moaning and whining under his body for what seems like the best fuck you’ve ever had.

He doesn’t give any of a slight fuck about anything around him, he’s just so focused on the way he slides in and out of your pussy so easily. Sighing in pleasure, he keeps that stupid smirk on his face the whole time, he’s trying so hard to not be loud, muffled and breathy moans come out from his mouth, and the lewd sounds his cock makes, adds to this growing smirk.

Every thrust feels like you’re about to cum, you didn’t even realise you were squeezing him before he giggles in your ear. Your legs trembling from the pleasure and force he puts in his hips, you whine.

"'ren.. mh.. fuck, don’t- stop.."

"don’t worry, i won’t baby, i won’t until you squeeze the shit out of my cock"

Breath hitching and moan escaping in rhythm with every thrust, you’re trying to hold those stupid moans in but they just get out with your breath at how much his cock fills you up so well.

He pounds repeatedly against your hips, fucking your hole like he's been waiting for it for years, he’s so fucking hypnotised by the feeling of your gummy walls squeezing his dick.

He fucks you fast, it almost hurts how deep he is inside you. It doesn’t last long before you’re moaning to let him know you’re at the end of it.

"i-i’m.. gon- mh.. cum 'ren"

He lets out a chuckle, letting you know how desperate and cock drunk you sound. It’s not even been a few minutes and you’re already close to cum. Emptiness hits, and the pounding stops.

Eren suddenly stops, his cock into your cunt not playing with your guts, before your walls would start spasming around him. You were just at the edge of your orgasm but he pulls out as fast as he got in.

"get in the car", he says, walking to the back of the car, hand waving for you to do the same.

It takes you a few seconds to get back on your feet and follow him. So easily, just like this, brain fucked..

Getting in the back, the head rest all the way down, his head thrown back, hair undone falling over his shoulder, he’s there waiting for you. Waiting for you to come and sit on him like a good girl.

At this point you don’t even care if he’s gonna make fun of how desperate you were for his dick, your core feels just so empty.

You get on top of him, hugging him as tight as you can and sit.

"hey hey hey, who said you could sit", he slaps.

The slap makes you flinch, you sit up, holding your ass up while he gets ready. He throws his shirt over his head, and slides down a little on the seat, grabbing your waist.

You'd be lying if you said something else was on your mind at this moment, other than him.

He has you hypnotised and completely drunk on him, his eyes feel heavy as hell on you, and your hands already go for his chest while you're still free for touch.

He grabs your wrists, bringing them to hold his dick. He sighs at the feeling of your soft hands around him, and smiles as he throws his head back again. His gaze glued to yours, keeping an eye on your pretty face. Sliding your hands up and down his wet cock, while you wish it was you going up and down on him again, Eren breathes heavily, holding that unbearable eye contact.

The urge to kiss him is also unbearable, his red lips forming that stupid looking smirk make it so hard to resist from devouring his mouth, but you're too proud to show him how weak you become when it comes to him.

Feeling every vein around his cock tracing your hands under your movements, he curses. Grabbing tightly your thighs as they become red from the violence he was doing to them. Sliding down his length where it stops at his balls and going back up, rubbing circles around the tip already red and ready to paint you. You lean in, placing kisses under his collarbone, although you know it's weak of you but it's so hard to not give in and not taste his skin. He looks so fucking hot like this.

Your eyes following down, watching how his cock never disappears even if you use both hands, debating whether your hands are too small or whether he’s really that big. How did it even fit inside you to begin with ?

He scoffs, watching every little facial expression you make while watching how you’re getting him off.

"’kay enough, now sit", he breathes.

So eager to finally sit on him, you quickly get closer to him and line up over his cock. Grabbing a nice handful of his hair, and when you’re ready you put your arms around his neck and clench your fists when his cock slides right back in. Fuck, it feels just so good..

"good girl"

His voice echoes in your ear it sends shivers down your spine. If only you could just sit on his face for once, maybe he’d stop talking shit with that pretty fucking voice of his while he’s at it.

"fuuck.. Eren!"

After a few minutes of feeling empty, he just feels so big, bigger than when you were pressed on the car back there. It makes your eyes squeeze shut from the stretch again, whining in his ear. You just don’t want this to stop, starting to move your hips back and forth before he stops you.

"hey, shh shh, slow down little one. i’m the one deciding whether you can move or not.

He smirks, searching for your eyes.

you would run away from me minutes ago and now look who’s so impatient to be dumb fucked, huh ?"

You feel so ridiculous, it’s so stupid how you were repeating to yourself how never will you ever fuck anyone in this clan, more so how much you hated Eren and his bratty demeanor, and now look who’s begging him to fuck you deep and nasty. He might just have turned you into a brainless fucking whore.

Before doing anything he yanks you down entirely on his length, canceling any of the small centimeters you didn’t even think about getting inside anymore. You swear it’s about to tickle your stomach if this doesn’t end, and just when you start to adjust, Eren grabs your waist harshly and starts guiding you up and down on his cock, playing with you as he pleases. Once he makes it slow and precise, once he makes it fast and stupidly deep, making the impact echo inside the vehicle. He could finally use you as his personal little fuck toy.

You moan, it feels so fucking wrong but so fucking good at the same time, your eyes cross and it makes him giggle as usual. His eyes still glued to your face, never missing any of your reactions. It feels so good, and he sees it, he feels it by the way you squeeze his arm, how you’re leaving marks on his skin and who even cares, at least he can finally tease you about how much of a whore you can be when you’re around him, on him. Even after all this time refusing, insulting and despising every piece of his crew’s methods.

Your head falls on his shoulder and you can’t help but melt in his arms, letting your collarbone bend, refusing to hold the posture, it’s just too much for your brain to process the feeling there. It’s absolutely not what you were picturing as 'what fucking with Eren' was, you were actually far from there.

It’s fucking deep and hard, and again just when you feel you’re about to lose it, he stops. Earning a whine from you, and your hips trying to move under his strong grip.

"no, no, no, Eren! please!"

“shh, it’s alright, catch your breath kitten, you’re panting."

He says giving you that fake asshole worried look, searching for your eyes again. He slides his hand up in your hair, pulling your head back to have a better view of your mid-conscious face.

He laughs, you look so pathetic and he got what he wanted from you after all this time. He leans in for a small taste of your neck where he kisses and bites your skin. Please not the hickeys. He slowly and slightly brushes your back with his other hand, before he ends up squeezing you close to him.

He bites and kisses up your jaw, your cheek and looks at you again before he pulls in for a kiss on those pretty reddish fucking lips of yours.

“Ohh how many times have I got a boner by just imagining the taste of your lips.. fuck”

Eren sighs, you don’t even bother reacting to his teasings, how many times have you imagined it too..

He uses the firm grip he got on your hair to kiss you and slide his tongue in your mouth, kissing you nice and harsh. You turn into a puppet in his hands, letting him do whatever he pleases with you. He smiles, enjoying that kiss a little too fucking much.

You unconsciously move your hips once, signalling him he’s still inside and you want him. Fuck it, fuck me, that’s what i want.

He stops your moves, unbuttoning that pretty shirt you wear, sliding the tissue of your bra down your tits enough for him to free them. As soon as they pop out, he’s on it. Pinching and rubbing circles around your nipple while the other is harassed by his mouth. He bites, licks and kisses the edge of your nipples, making you jolt and tighten around his cock when it gets too good.

He has you firm between his arms, leaving you no escape from his sweet torture, finally moving your hips over him. His lips bullying your tits like he has been craving for it over ages again.

The grip he has on your waist, leads him to search that perfect spot inside you, forcing his cock deep inside your cunt. Your hips move back and forth over his shaft and while he sucks on your tits, here it is.

"ah! fuck!"

Eren shots his head up to look right into your eyes.

"yeah ? right there ?"

"yeah..", you sigh.

"right there huh ?"

You frantically nod in response.. yeah, it’s the spot and be ready for him to memorize it, for.. ulterior purposes. He hits his hips up and down using every motion, possibility and strength he has to reach that g-spot over and over until you cum.

Your pornographic moans feeding his soul right next to his ear, it feels like your mind is going blank at how his rubbing on that spot so well.

"a-ah..ngh! Er-!"

"yeah ? right there ? gonna cum f’me, yeah ?

be a good girl and cum on my cock.

c’mon big girl."

You fall forward, losing your strength of holding your back straight again, it’s almost hilarious how you seem so blank and manipulated by him. Yeah, you hate him, but how long can you last before you lose your mind and feel addicted to the feeling of this cunt harassment ? How long can you last, bouncing on his dick so desperate, before you admit you spend hours fucking your pillows at night while moaning his name under your breath ?

His perfume gets right up to your brain as he gets faster and faster, punching that fucking spot inside you with the pinkish tip you were rubbing just minutes ago.

He fucks you deep, bullying your walls with his veins and mushroom tip, he wants to cum inside you so bad, so so bad.

The orgasm grows inside you more and more, and Eren knows. He repeats sweet dirty things in your ears while you feel like you’re gonna cum any time soon.

"yeah, see how we fuck pretty fucking whores like you, mmh ?

i’m gonna fill you up so well, you better not waste a single drop of my precious cum, 'derstand ?

fuck.. this feels good, mmh ? show me how it feels, let me hear it."

He’s just so fucking loud for fucks sake.

"shut- up, oh my- god.. don’t s-top.."

"beg.", he stops

"fuck.. pl-ease Eren, don’t s-top.. pl-uhh"

"that’s right, good girl."

Why does he even love that pet name so much ? He can’t stop now anyway. He’s too pussy drunk too to actually think about stopping his movements. He fucks his dick in and out of you at an inhuman pace at this point. He just wants to cum too at the end.

Before he even has the time to fuck you a little bit more into your orgasm, you moan loud enough to make everyone around the car know you both are fucking, as he lets out a moan too.

He moans, airy or low toned, he does as it comes out, he feels even better, not that you weren’t already tight enough for him to risk cumming from the first pull but the way your walls spasm around him tickles the veins and tip of his cock so well.

Eren is so close to cum, everything feels so right from the way you sit and bounce on his cock like a good little whore, to the way you moan his name as loud as you used to yell how much of a piece of shit he is.

"Eren.. please"

"just a little more, kitten.."

Few thirst left and he’s spilling his cum inside you, making it drip down your thighs, mixing with your cum following close after him. A bunch of loads, feeling up the entirety of your core and he just can’t stop fucking his semen back inside you.

"we’re not gonna waste any drop, yeah ?

who’s fault is it gonna be if you end up making the back seats dirty, mmh my little prisoner ?"

Quick enough he slows down his thirsts and gets his breath back. Hands all over you, helping your head up, catching your gaze through the mist of your teary eyes. He tugs your hair back behind your ear. He giggles, seeing how fucked out you look. You really do look wasted, and yet not even a drop of alcohol or drug was spilled in your blood, only his cum.

He presses a kiss on your lips.

"let’s get back on road, babe, I have to drop you off before they start wondering where you’re at."

He lifts you up from his cock after a minute of recovering, letting you drop off on the seat next to him. It takes you a few second before you finally get up and come back to your senses.

He hands you your pantie, tugged in the back pocket of his jeans, and you quickly put it back on.

Everything is so weird to talk casually when you get back on road. He stays silent for once and his eyes swings between you and the road more often. Eren is mostly just so proud he proved you wrong about you hating him, you’re down bad, you daydream about him nonstop and now you can’t even try to lie to him anymore. It’d be pointless. Now you’re his anyway, all for him to use.

He knows how he makes you feel on a daily basis, he knows so well all your eye rolls are to hide the fact that he makes you feel giggly. He knows how all the mean words you say to him sound like a ‘fuck me, i’m begging you’. He knows you too well now.

Now all you’re wondering is how you're gonna make it through the night, sleeping or replaying that fuck scene over and over in your head until you find something to hate him about again.

Leaving his car when he’s parked in front of the mansion, you stay quiet all the way to your room door where he escorts you.

You both barely talk a word, only a small good night and an awkward eye contact, his eyes staring right back at you with a small smirk again.

Eren huffs when you close the door, turning around to join his own room soon enough.

"i might be an asshole sometimes and she might be stubborn as fuck but.. damn she moaned my name louder than i expected her to", he scoffs.

He's such an asshole.

well.. that’s a bit more like it.

yeah, i know that’s a lot of f word uses oopsies

im so unsure abt this one, mc was supposed to be kidnapped at first and still able to go to school thats why she wanted to escape but.. whatever i guess we still like his pretty fucker ass.

anyway, hope you like it [:

(i tried to rewrite some parts so dont mind if theres a problem somewhere loll)

@eternallyei. please do not copy/translate/use as your own.

[woosunjpeg]

enha hyung line when they get high

idk if anyones done this before but i got high and thought abt it and immediately needed to write abt it😭

warnings: weed(duh), swearing

heeseung

- device of choice: bong

- HEAR ME OUT!!!!!

- he just gives me the vibes of someone that has a bong collection

- loves loves LOVES!!!! indica

- smokes to relax more than anything

- trys to hit a new record for biggest cloud tho😭

- medium tier munchies

- will order a bunch of food just to eat one thing (jake eats the rest)

- will either fall asleep quick or be up for hours just talking

- would love to smoke with him

- convos ranging from favourite food to first time stories

jay

- device of choice: vapes or blunts

- will only smoke blunts he rolls tho

- doesnt smoke them a lot tho cause hes to lazy to do all that

- switched between indica and sativa

- depends on his mood

- smokes sativa when hes playing around with his guitar

- indica for when he chills with the others

- cause someone needs to be calm

- A WHOLE FIVE STAR CHEF

- like better than he is now

- doesnt get crazy munchies just have a few snacks

- makes sure everyone has water or some drink next to them

- 10/10 knows what hes doing

jake

- device of choice: pen 💀/ pre-rolls

- hes lazy (so am i tho so..)

- sativa 100%

- always smokes too much

- will say he wont green out but always gets so close to

- WILL NOT FUCKING STAY STILL

- a literal golden retriever

- needs attention the whole time

- bro wants to do anything and everything

- gets hella munchies

- lock your pantry or everything will be gone

- loves smoking with sunghoon

- both of them are awful influences on eachother tho

- 5/10 fun for the first hour then hes just annoying

sunghoon

- device of choice: pre rolls/ bong

- hee is his bff whenever they smoke

- does not rlly care what other ppl are smoking but only buys indica for himself

- smokes all of jake and hee's stash

- just a whole menace

- hes already loud as hell sober

- NOW IMAGINE THAT 20x WORSE

- does not give a shit if ur annoyed

- is right beside jake when food is put out

- will grab a bowl of chips and sit on the couch until the bowl is empty

- him and jake feed into eachothers stupid ideas

- 3.5/10 would hate to smoke with him by ourselves, .5 cause he would be the entertainment when with a group of ppl

ty for reading i wrote this high so srry if its bad 💀 reblogs help more than likes on tumblr! so pls reblog if u want

[akookminsupporter]

I honestly don’t care too much about the whole jk 🚬 thing, just like I didn’t care with V nor with Suga. I can not like something and still love/like and respect the people who chooses to do those things. Like me not liking the idea of vaping and my sisters doing it — you do you I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️. Also, don’t know why people are so surprised about the fact and the possibility of him and any other member/idol smoking, because just like drinking is very popular in Korea, as far as I know smoking rates are kinda high too. So yes I was surprised at first, for reasons like the ones you’ve mentioned (his voice, health and smell sensibility), but overall I was like “oh, okay so he does that too”. We also need to remember and understand that even if we see it on footage and/or by hearing them talk about it —still we will never know the pressure, exhaustion and stress they go under on a daily basis, and because of that, it is never our place to judge how they choose to enjoy and release themselves, specially if it’s not affecting/hurting anyone. Now, the only thing that intrigues me about this whole thing is why now are we being bombarded with so much… idk a good word so I’m just gonna name it “crude/sensible/private moments” of them (all of them in a way). Like the V and Jennie video, I just don’t see how 10 years in the industry have been so relatively “smooth”, but now in this second chapter it feels like we have had one revelation after another ? I’m not saying it’s planned, but I also don’t think it’s entirely coincidental, specially with how the members (like RM and JK in recent lives) have been expressing themselves and slowly removing/breaking the “idol standard” frame.

Let's talk a bit about the last part of your message.

I think I mentioned in one of the Asks I posted a couple of hours ago, that I think the reason we are seeing more of the guys' private lives is because fans are not respecting those moments like they used to. I don't think it's because the guys are now doing this or that, I want to believe that no one is naive enough to believe that before those 7 men stayed at home doing nothing, apart from working. Now the lack of content has caused many to look for any way to find out about them. And now they are quicker to justify why a video or photo etc. spreads much faster. Many don't care about the guys and respecting their private lives, many care about feeding the parasocial relationship they have created with them. Or feeding that obsession. That addiction; because what's the point of knowing what they do in their spare time if we're supposed to be fans of their music and variety content?

"specially with how the members (like RM and JK in recent lives) have been expressing themselves and slowly removing/breaking the “idol standard” frame."

As for this part, I think it's because they really understand the power they have, not just in Korea but in the industry in general. I don't know much about other kpop groups but it's clear to me that no other group has the power that bts has. And it's important to clarify that I'm not talking about popularity, that's something different although no one has the popularity that bts has but in this case, I'm talking about power. Of influence.

Although there are some groups that are quite popular globally they don't have the power and influence that bts has and this is proven by the participations that bts has had in important stages outside of music. Yes, those appearances are also due to the popularity of the group but mostly due to the power and influence they have. Even if that influence was only on their fandom, that would be huge because bts fandom is huge and that's something that I think everyone with full knowledge of the facts recognises.

And BTS knows it. The members know it. They are positioned enough in the industry and society I think, to shake up the status quo - once again - of what it is to be an Idol. A kpop artist and even a Korean artist. I think that also applies to their relationship with the fandom. Joon and jungkook particularly, they're more vocal in expressing what they don't like, in calling out the fandom for doing or saying something they don't agree with and that's important. I think they've understood that the image that we had of them and that maybe they were projecting was a little bit unrealistic and in this new stage of their careers, they're trying to be more honest or honest enough. Real.

[ill-caterpillar-7616]

My life is falling apart and I’m so close to a relapse

My marriage is crumbling due to my own mental health and lack of affection. I feel as though I’m failing my kid at every turn, even when everyone keeps saying I’m doing well or telling me how smart and well-behaved he is. I’ve had to move 2 hours away from my husband and toddler to my mom’s house as my grandmother is now needing 24/7 care probably until she passes (expected within a year but who fucking knows) since no one else in the family can or will be bothered by their own mother dying. An ACTUAL live in caregiver wouldn’t be covered by insurance and would be too expensive. My kid is going to have to live like we have split custody. I feel as though I have barely any true emotional support as my husband is struggling with his own battles that I’m trying so hard to fix/ help with since they’re mostly my fault. My friends are all long-distant or online, and I’m not REALLY that close to any of them at this point in my life. My mother is juggling her job, finances, her mother’s health, her mother’s impending death, another mouth to feed as I can’t bring much monetary assistance to the house, and so much more so it fucking seems like I can’t seem to even ask her to take my kid for 5 minutes after a LONG day, not only doing my duties to my kid and grandmother, but helping my own mother outside even though I have chronic joint pain and a fatigue condition that left me feeling like I was going to collapse from exhaustion, pain, and lack of oxygen by the time I finally pushed my body back inside. SHE WOULDNT EVEN LET ME GET THE QUESTION OUT OF MY MOUTH!! I had been struggling to get him to go to bed for over 30 minutes and I just needed a moment (we do NOT do the cry it out in this household). All I said was”Moma,-“ and it’s all “no, it’s not happening, I have to be up early,” as if I’m not having to ALSO wake up early to get my grandmother dressed, fed, taken to the bathroom, and received her toe fungal meds alongside the other laundry list of medications before she needs to be out the door at 8:30 in the morning

Now, I am aware of my responsibilities as a parent and that as I have MY child, he is MY responsibility, and I don’t want to push him off to other people who have enough on their plate, but to ask for 2 seconds of help from my own mother and to be shot down so quickly and (IMO) cruelly, fucking hurt. I’m taking care of her mother and so far, for just the price of a vape (I’m trying to quit. Also I don’t expect monetary return on help I’m just adding it in I guess. Idk at this point). I have a whole life and family that is falling apart but I know I’m the only option here. My siblings either work or are out of state. My aunts and uncles either have work (which some have the ability to still help even then), their own elderly to care for, or my favorite, care more about their weird church’s “volunteer work” or mowingg their lawn more than coming to help or even fucking visit. Like. Who fuxkin does that?!??!?

So with all of that info… I battled with an addiction to self harm for over 7 years. I’m riddled with scars on my body but I have been 4 years clean as of so far. However, with everything going on, it’s becoming harder and harder to push the thoughts away and think on the things that usually help me get away from those urges/temptations. I hate it because my husband and our baby have been the pillars to my continued clean streak/sobriety(?) and with everything falling apart as it is right now… I don’t know how much longer I can hold on to my sanity if I’m being honest. I have to cancel and put a rain check on both my therapy that I JUST FUCKING STARTED and my psychiatrist appointment (I hope I can just call him and let him know the dosage is fine). It’s all just a big fucking mess.

Im sorry. I know there are many details missing to all of this but it’s not for advice… I just needed to get it off my chest. I can’t tell anyone else. Can’t worry those who are my closest circle bc EVERYONE is dealing with something right now and my BS just …no.

[grazhir]

Trip Report (of sorts)

I've basically filled my quota for extra conversation for the year, and my quota of extra television.

Allergens are different up north (I knew that already, but was reminded). My sinuses were bitchy the whole time I was there, and now that I'm home again, they've gone bitchy again (which is basically that they're twice as bad in this state, so it's worse).

I had to feed chickens on this trip. My dear brother neglected to mention that part until after we arrived at the house and he got around to mentioning it and showing me what I'd need to do. Too bad I can't think up a decent prank against him.

[The last time I was around live chickens was as a child, when my paternal grandfather had some at his place up the road, and I remember that fuckin' bantam rooster who attacked me. I should have kicked it.]

Those chickens aren't old enough yet to lay eggs, so at least I didn't have to deal with that. (Next year, though? Eeeeee!)

One cat went wonky, and one dog. I am not a dog person. (Somewhere in those ten days I pointed out my mother's hypocrisy when she complained about being licked by a cat because who knows where those tongues have been, and I pointed out just what I've seen dogs eating, up to and including "crunchy snacks" from a cat's litter box.)

I also vaguely embarrassed myself at the post office when I went in to mail a package my brother shoved at us before he left for the airport. I've clearly been away from New England too long to not connect "no postal workers at the desk" and "there is a bell".

The guy who came in after me quite sensibly asked if I'd binged it.

And then the lady helping me said I needed to put a return address on the package, and all I could remember was the street address. I called my mother (who was waiting in the car—she has mobility issues) to get the rest of it. Geez. I was polite, though, and thanked the lady postal worker for being patient with me.

Flight there was fine.

Flight back? Haw. I woke up at 3am (because my flight was at six) to see a notification that there was a three hour delay—a solid guarantee that I would miss my connecting flight. I had (originally) a three hour layover. Yeah, not anymore. (And later I got a notification that first flight was bumped another hour.)

Spent three hours on hold with the airline, but finally rang through and the nice lady bumped me to another airline. I got home just fine, thankfully.

Doesn't mean I didn't spend those three hours freaking out and spending way too much time in the garage vaping more than usual.

I will say I hate the phone app for United, though. American Airlines has a much nicer app. I think Delta's is nicer, too.

[magicshopaholic]

Lmao okay you know when I told you I was going to respond to every single bullet because each one made me choke on my coffee just a little? Well here goes

Mkay the way it starts with her having a backstage pass to a bts concert?? I’m jealous - This was the most self-indulgent part of any story I have ever written in my whole life 🥲

Not tae being a sappy baby gosh, if only he’d stayed that way - Aafsdfhsdkfh you're gonna regret saying that when the sap returns

Love the way they didn’t get it easy just bc it was love at first sight. Long distance relationship that consists of mostly texts and calls ARE hard and you portrayed that well!! But Dilara definitely could have answered tae’s good luck text with more than just an emoji lmao - Awkwardness of a transatlantic one-night stand 🤷‍♀️

Rip alex turner lmao (also all I could think of was age gap when I read this first haha) - Oh yeah this would've been a big one

Honestly, “your concept is too overwhelming for me” is an incredibly powerful way to break up with someone HAHA - Hey you never know how artists think, this totally felt like something the guy who wrote She looks as if she’s blowing a kiss at me / and suddenly the sky is a scissor / sitting on the floor with a tambourine / crushing up a bundle of love would say

Taehyung during that concert was a vision and damn I think I might be in love - RIGHT??? This exact concert was my inspiration for this whole fic

Not the lockscreen’s picture I’ll cry - Sappiest sap of all time

The fact that he doesn’t know they got her backstage passes I’m dead - Obviously they thought he couldn't be trusted to process such information

Not tae having a fake account to follow her career - With a pfp and fake feed and everything, commenting single hearts on all her posts

Oop, fucking in a dark staircase mmmmh - lmao no comment

NO WHY IS SHE LEAVING SO SOON - They are the most dramatic couple that's why

Am I the only one that feels like her hiding Alex Turner form tae is a red flag? - obviously secrets are not a first for them 🚩

Lmao not tae being afraid of being caught vaping while jk literally had his vape out for everyone to see in that live HAHA - Haha I imagine Tae would stop giving a shit eventually too (although he's trying to quit now!)

I didn’t know green apple cigarette was a thing - It is in my country at least because I used to smoke it

Exhibitionism kink for the win - Whenever, wherever

Tae is a dirty lil hoe and I’m all here for it - This may be the entire fandom's one common headcanon

NOT HER SINGING MAKE IT RIGHT BEFORE SUCKING HIS DICK LMAO - I HAVE TO HAVE BEEN HIGH WHEN I WROTE THIS BC WTF

Why are Jimin and Jungkook interrupting bruh - BTS interruption line

“Jungkook tagging along for reasons best known to himself” MMMMMMMMMMMH you are contributing to the agenda of Jungkook having a crush on Dilara a lot ma’am - nO COMMENT

Jungkook having separation anxiety from tae is canon - Damn this was such a thing back when I wrote this

“Daniel Ricciardo, a handsome fellow driver” HAHAHA DAMN RIGHT - where is the lie

Why wouldn’t she want to be his gf BRUH - D to the R to the AMA

People getting jealous bc of jimin is peak jimin behaviour and I will not explain why - And this can work in any combination and any direction, the man gives off slut energy without even trying

WHY IS HE FREEZING BC SHE SAID I LOVE YOU - tbh I think he would have assumed she didn't feel that way anymore

Oh no he knows about alex turner - :(((

“I wondered why you’d stopped responding” don’t touch me while I cry (also foreshadow much???????) - Unintentional but man does it work

Ofc he’s loved her every day :’’’’’’’’’) - Every damn day 😭

KEEP THE BANDANA GIRLIE - She returned it to him when she sent him his stuff but she would've stolen it back 100%

Gosh that last line/text - :')))

Why did he have to fuck everything up - why indeed

I’m - yes

Gosh - this

I missed these idiots - me toooooooo

This review made me realise how long ago I wrote this :') Whatta hoot this review was <3

Los Angeles (Taehyung x OC)

Summary: Eight months after a magical weekend with Kim Taehyung, after which you never thought you'd see him again, you find yourself reunited with him for one more night.

Pairing: Taehyung x OC

Genre: Fluff, smut, angst

Word count: 14.2 K

Rating: 18+

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, separation, implications of heartbreak, jealousy, heavy making out, nipple play, fingering, oral sex, blowjobs, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), slightly dominant behaviour during sex

Listen to: "goodnight bad morning" by the kills

taehyung masterlist | main masterlist

“Can I check your bag, please?”

You handed it over and took it back with a smile, slipping your arms through the straps and letting it rest on your back as you made your way into the arena, immediately scanning the crowd for Lily. It was last minute, inviting Lily along; but it was the one advantage of being in California - and, of course, having an extra ticket since the band sent you their own.

Your heart skipped a familiar beat at the thought, the backstage pass in your bag feeling like the magic key that would allow you to see him again, in the flesh. If he wanted to see you, that is.

A few months ago, it wouldn’t have even been a doubt in your mind. When you’d left Japan in October, it had been in a state of heartbreak and regret, and the following few days hadn’t been much better. You’d stayed in the black hoodie he’d asked you to keep the whole time, his ring hanging around your neck, listening to The Shins and Norah Jones on a loop, feeling your heart sink at random moments when you’d remember all of a sudden that you’d never see Taehyung again.

You had no way of knowing for sure, but you were reasonably certain that he was going through a tough time, too. Jimin had done a Vlive a couple days after Japan and Taehyung had appeared on camera for a few minutes, looking morose and not talking too much, eventually walking off without saying goodbye - which was when you noticed that he was in a familiar grey hoodie that only two people in the world owned as drivers for Red Bull Racing Honda - one of them being you. He’d also posted a picture on Weverse with the caption “goodbye, i’ll miss you”; to anyone else, it might have just looked like a nice scenery somewhere in the Japanese countryside, but you recognised it immediately as the dog farm he’d taken you to on what you privately counted as your first - and only - date.

You two weren’t stupid, though. Very aware that you lived in a world which had the magic of the internet and phones, you’d started off keeping in touch, texting and occasionally calling whenever you got a chance. But it hadn’t worked out too well, for many reasons. Firstly, BTS was on tour. Even as you followed them online and saw clips and interviews from the fan accounts you followed, it was clear that they had neither the time nor the energy to focus on a single thing more. Secondly, you yourself were nearing the end of the Formula One season and Red Bull, true to form, hadn’t yet made a decision regarding the renewal of your contract for the next year. You had made it onto the podium (second place) in the Japanese Grand Prix, the last time you’d seen Taehyung, which had definitely gotten you a lot closer to a contract, but the focus you’d had to put in in the following races - Russia, Mexico, Brazil, USA - had been insane until you’d finally been resigned just before the last race in Abu Dhabi.

But the real issue, at least as far as you could tell, was that you two just hadn’t got enough time together in Japan to define what you were at all. You’d both said some pretty heavy shit to each other - and while you’d meant it all, it was hard to reconcile that storybook weekend with just texts back and forth, especially when they started becoming more and more infrequent over time.

You had called him on his birthday, not knowing it was the last phone call you’d have. After multiple failed attempts at video calls and normal voice calls, you’d finally settled for just texting him a happy birthday, telling him you missed him and that you hoped he’d have an amazing year ahead. Taehyung hadn’t responded until the next day with a “thanks” and a heart emoji. You’d tried not to feel hurt by it; he probably had a concert or an actual birthday party he was at and after all, it was only a matter of time before their real lives took over your fantasy weekend romance.

January had gone by in a haze of missing each other’s calls and texts while he was in the US and you were in the factory, helping your team develop the car for the new season, and by February, your focus was geared towards testing the car. In March, the new season started. The day of the opening race in Australia, you’d received a text from Taehyung, wishing you good luck for the first race. Your heart had skipped a beat; he’d wished you religiously for every remaining race last year and it felt nice that he remembered that you were still racing. You hadn’t seen it until after the race had ended and you’d landed back in London, though; by then, it was too late to respond with anything more than a singular emoji, making it the last communication you’d shared.

You didn’t know if your feelings for him had really gone anywhere, but they certainly took a backseat after a while, if for no other reason than the fact that it hurt too much to keep missing him. You’d finally confided in Lexie, your closest friend and trainer, sometime in January, when the realisation that you would eventually become strangers started to overwhelm you. She hadn’t been too surprised, but by the time the season started, Lexie had started dropping hints about how you should start moving on, either by making racing your sole focus or by something you hadn’t really considered till then: dating.

In April, you met Alex Turner. He and the rest of the Arctic Monkeys had been at the Monaco Grand Prix, the oldest and most famous race of the year, home to every celebrity under the sun, to perform at the Amber Lounge Fashion Show the day before, and you’d first made eye contact when you’d walked down the runway and he’d crooned Take it easy for a little while right to you, a moment that had gone viral in the F1 community for about ten minutes. You’d partied on Sunday night after the race and, hopped up on a reasonable number of drinks and naturally attracted to how mysterious and sexy he was, you’d hooked up in an empty cabin on the boat.

You’d dated very briefly after that, mostly because you were both single and based out of London. Alex called you his muse, photographing you while you lay around on his couch and penning random lyrics about how a fast car had swept him away and whatnot. You, on the other hand, with your apparent weakness for dark and brooding musicians, knew instantly what you were trying to do and whom you were trying to replace - and how miserably you were failing. You hadn’t realised you were failing until a few weeks in, when you’d woken up in his bed one morning and, expecting to see Taehyung’s face, had felt your heart sink when you’d seen Alex’s instead.

You’d broken up with him before breakfast, a conversation that had turned unexpectedly mutual when Alex had claimed that your “concept�� had been too “overwhelming” for him, while you chose to stick to more straightforward reasons and told him flat out that your career was too demanding for a relationship. You’d stood in the kitchen in silence, the mutual relief in the air obvious to any sentient individual, before he’d pulled yu in and kissed you goodbye. You’d suspected he wanted it to be a passionate farewell that he could probably write a song about, but in the haze of the previous night’s liquor and this morning’s freedom, you’d ended up fucking on his dining table before you left his apartment for the last time.

Your decision to come to this concert had been a tough one. On the one hand, it was a BTS concert - enough said. On the other, you didn’t know where you and Taheyung stood and while you could very well go to the concert and leave without anyone being the wiser, this could be your one chance to get closure - whichever way it went. Not knowing meant you were unable to move on, though, so despite how big of a risk this was, you knew you had to take it.

The next question was how to actually meet him. Calling and informing anyone in the band was out of the question; the only thing you wanted less than finding out you were over was making Taehyung feel obligated to invite you backstage. It could make you seem like a girl who couldn’t get over an ancient fling or a fan looking for clout, and you frankly couldn’t pick which was worse.

Finally, after ages of overthinking, you decided to post an Instagram story with Lily, taken in front of The Radisson where you were staying, captioning it “Los Angeles represent with this hot local” with a song from one of their older albums as the soundtrack. It was as subtle as you could make it; if any of the band members still remembered you, they’d see it on your Instagram. You knew for a fact that at least Namjoon, Hoseok and Jungkook had private accounts - if even one of them saw, you’d get your answer.

When you’d returned to your hotel after lunch the day before the concert and the receptionist had handed you an official-looking envelope, your stomach had squirmed in anticipation and excitement. As hoped, it consisted of two tickets and a backstage pass to the concert, along with a note saying “Hope to see you there! - BTS”. While it hadn’t escaped your notice that it was signed by the entire band, you were glad that the envelope had arrived at all.

Lily was your obvious choice for the concert; ever since she’d started dating Alex Albon, a fellow F1 driver, you’d both hit it off and made sure to hang out every time she came to support him at a race. Had Lexie been here, it would unquestionably have been her, but you were somewhat glad it wasn’t, especially since there was only one backstage pass which would be a lot harder to explain away to Lexie, as well as the fact that Lexie was sure to ask a ton of insightful questions, none of which you felt you had the answers to.

You’d spent all of last night in a haze of anxiety and excitement, even going so far as to reconsider going at all. There was no way, of course; at the very least, you knew Lily wouldn’t allow you to miss the concert. Now, you searched for her, constantly checking your phone for any update on her location.

When you finally found Lily, it was less than five minutes before the band came on stage. The show passed in a blur of energy and colour. Halfway through, you realised that no matter what happened between you and Taehyung tonight, attending the concert was more than worth it. When you saw him walk onto the stage for the first time, your heart stopped. It was proof, whole and conclusive proof, that he did indeed exist, that he wasn’t a dream. It was also a vaguely sinking feeling when you saw him gaze at the crowd and perform his heart out, that it wasn’t at all unreasonable to presume that you were well and truly in the past for him.

You tried to enjoy seeing him in the flesh as much as you could, though. He was in black joggers, a black t-shirt and a black unzipped hoodie, a black and white bandana around his forehead. His hair was slightly shorter and straighter than the long and voluminous perm that it was in Japan, but he looked so incredibly sexy that it didn’t even matter. When he sang his verse of Mikrokosmos and appeared on the screen, eyes full of emotion as he looked out at the crowd, you realised with an unexpected sadness that even if it ended today, this was the best last memory you could have of Taehyung.

At some point, he looked to his left and smiled at Jimin with his glorious, boxy smile, hair falling effortlessly on his bandana and onto his forehead. You’d run your hands through that hair, you remembered. Pulled at it, brushed it out of his eyes. You’d kissed those lips, hugged those shoulders, held those hands the last time you’d seen him, when he’d told you he loved you. I know it doesn’t make sense but I really do, he’d said, lips at your hair, arms around your waist. You felt a pang in your chest at the thought that it might not mean as much to him anymore.

When the concert ended, you said goodbye to Lily and hung back for a bit before heading to the building behind the stage, flashing your backstage pass at the bouncer. He looked at your pass, glanced at your face, and led you to the side, into a dark corner that looked more like a storage space than anything. You were just starting to get creeped out when you finally saw a familiar face.

“Hey, you came!” Namjoon, tall and winded, appeared from one of the corridors and immediately hugged you. You were glad it was just him; during the short weekend in Japan, the only other members of the band you interacted with at length were him and Jungkook. “It’s so good to see you. Taehyung’s going to lose it when he sees you,” he added, chortling, as he motioned for you to follow him.

Taehyung. You sighed and stopped in your tracks, knowing you had to ask. You were both in a corridor now, about to climb a small flight of stairs to a door that you could only presume eventually led to their green room. Namjoon stopped as well, frowning. “Everything alright?”

“Is this -” You bit your lip, your heart beating faster now. “Is this a bad idea? Tell me honestly. I mean, it’s been - what - eight months since I last saw him? Does he, you know… does he even remember me?” Does he even care?

For all his intelligence, Kim Namjoon looked highly confused, as though he was still processing the question. “Who? Taehyung?” When you nodded, slowly and incredulously, he froze - but not as though he was in shock. More like something in his brain stopped working. “Well, I mean… I’m not in his mind, but I think... I think he could get electroshock therapy and still not forget you,” he said kindly before straightening his face. “Seriously, he hasn’t been the same since Japan. Do you really think he - I mean, as far as I know, you’re still his phone’s lockscreen.”

You were sure the last part was an exaggeration, but your heart leapt all the same. “Are you sure?” you pressed, mostly because you thought you knew what Namjoon looked like when he was confident, and this wasn’t it. “Did he send me the backstage pass or was it all of you?”

“Um…” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Okay, so technically, he doesn’t know you’re here. Jungkook saw your post on Instagram and I got the passes sent to your hotel. But we just wanted to surprise him, that’s all,” he added quickly, obviously seeing your eyes widen in shock.

“He doesn’t know? Oh, my God! What if - what if -” You couldn’t even speak, the number of worst case scenarios in your head suddenly skyrocketing. “Okay, this is a really bad idea. You know what, I can just leave right now and he never has to know, okay? Great concert, by the way,” you added hastily, already turning around to sprint the hell out of this place when Namjoon grabbed hold of your arm.

“Okay, come on,” he said calmly, like he was speaking to a child about to enter pre school for the first time. “Look, at least meet him. It would break his heart if he knew you were here and you still didn’t at least see him.”

“Why will he ever find out?”

“Well, I mean, he knows you’re here.”

Your eyes widened. “You just said he doesn’t know!”

“No, no, he doesn’t know you’re here backstage,” he corrected himself, waving his hands impatiently. “But he knows you’re in Los Angeles because he -” Namjoon broke off abruptly and sighed. “Okay, do not tell him I told you this, but… he created a fake Instagram account so he could follow your career. Like, literally, in the car on the way to the airport in Japan. He thinks we don’t know but we do.”

You were speechless for a few seconds. “But… if he knows I’m here then why didn’t he say anything?” you asked in a small voice.

“Well, because if I have to guess, he probably thought you forgot about him,” guessed Namjoon, clearly losing patience now.

You swallowed, staring at him. “What’s his username?” you asked finally.

“Taeovercoffee,” he said, without skipping a beat.

You could feel yourself wanting to smile, finally rolling your eyes. “Well, he’s wrong obviously,” you muttered, your heart fluttering and mind going back to Japan. But you were still anxious. Looking up at Namjoon, you tried to ask him, silently, if he really thought this was a good idea.

He sighed, chuckling in what you took to be mild disbelief. “Do you know that ever since Japan, he’s increased the number of English classes he’s taking to thrice a week? It’s the first time he’s ever done that. He’s taking as many classes as Jungkook now.”

You swallowed, pretending not to know what he was getting at. “Haven’t they all been learning since debut?”

“Exactly.”

Heart thumping hard, you finally nodded. “Not sure what that has to do with me, but… okay.”

Namjoon rolled his eyes with an unimpressed look at her, knowing he’d won. “Yeah, I’m sure you don’t. Can we go now?” When you exhaled and nodded again, he resumed walking. You followed him to the green room, where it was just Seokjin, Yoongi and Hoseok present, all still in their concert outfits, looking exhausted but exhilarated. They stood up when they saw you, though, greeting you like they knew you already, Hoseok even coming up to hug you.

You were still there a few minutes later, preferring to listen to them talk while you fretted about finally, finally meeting Taehyung. You worried about everything; your clothes (skirt overalls over a crop top and sneakers), your hair (shorter than Japan), what you would say. It was nerve wracking; you wanted him to hurry up but simultaneously take his time.

Finally, right when Namjoon and Jin were in the middle of discussing some hilarious mistake that no one in the audience seemed to have caught in Korean, Jin’s gaze shifted to something behind you, looking over the top of your head. You turned involuntarily, before you could fully guess what he was looking at, and it was like you’d gone back in time.

It was like a scene out of West Side Story; everything else blurred into the background and it was just Taehyung, tall and sweaty and sexy, looking at you with wide eyes as if you were a hallucination. He was still in his stage clothes, down to the black and white bandana, his black hair falling onto his forehead with graceful ease. You could just about make out Jimin and Jungkook on either side of him, but neither of them could steal your focus from him.

Your heart was racing and you realised you were holding your breath. You exhaled shakily and attempted a small smile. “Hi,” you managed, swallowing. When he didn’t reply, you panicked. “I’m sorry, I should’ve called but I didn’t want to -”

You barely registered his smile beginning to appear before he’d covered the distance to you in two strides and grabbed you into a gigantic hug, pulling you close and tight. You automatically wrapped your arms around his neck, momentarily forgetting you weren’t alone and burying your face in his shoulder as you heard him murmur into your hair, partly in English and partly in Korean.

“Oh, my God,” he whispered, arms so tight around you that you felt like your ribcage might break. “You’re here, you’re really here…” He switched to Korean, clearly unaware, but you didn’t care because you got it. You got it, and you were so relieved that you got it and he got it.

He set you down but didn’t let you go, pulling away just a bit. “How - how are you -” He broke off, sounding like he’d just run a marathon but Namjoon interrupted before you could respond.

“Um, I don’t mean to -” He grimaced, looking awkward as hell, “but the staff will get here soon.” He locked eyes with Taehyung, who nodded in understanding and grabbed your hand.

“Come on,” he said breathlessly, tugging on your hand, and you both hurried out of the room. You had no idea where you were going; you simply followed Taehyung. You finally reached a dimly lit stairwell where you halted to a stop and, almost like you could read each other’s minds, launched yourselves onto each other. Taehyung pushed you against the wall, hands firmly gripping your waist, and kissed you passionately, almost frantically. You kissed him back, hands running through his hair before they snaked down to the waistband of his joggers.

It was all very quick and heated and desperate. You palmed him through his joggers as his lips roamed your neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses down to your collarbone; you nipped at his lower lip while he pulled your underwear down and hitched you up, lining himself up at your soaking entrance and sliding in when you whispered your desires against his ear. You forgot everything else: where you were, why you were here, what you would do if you got caught. It was just you and Taehyung consummating everything you’d felt over the last eight months.

It was not what you’d imagined when you’d thought about this night but somehow this hot, frantic sex, all lips and tongue and teeth and incoherent moans, against a wall with Kim Taehyung, so long since you’d last seen him, seemed like exactly the kind of thing you ought to have expected.

When you were back on your feet and done cleaning up with tissues that your friend Chris insisted you carry everywhere, he walked back up to you. You were still leaning back against the wall, knees weak and panting slightly as you came back down from your orgasm, heart speeding up as he reached closer and closer to you. When he was finally standing before you, your chests touching, he brought his hands up to your face hesitantly, so unlike how he’d held you just a few minutes ago.

“You’re really here,” he murmured, his eyes wide with hope and wonder, almost as if he was afraid you were going to disappear. His hands slid down to your shoulders, your arms, your waist, and back up to your face. “It’s really you, you’re really here…”

You bit your lip and chuckled, knowing exactly how he felt. Your weekend in Japan had seemed like something out of a fantasy and you were somewhat glad to know that you weren’t the only one that felt overwhelmed by the reality of it all. You reached up and held onto his wrists, stroking the back of his hands with your thumbs, drinking in the sight of him. “I’m really here,” you confirmed softly.

Taehyung laughed weakly before lowering his head and kissing you, a full, deep, passionate kiss. You opened your mouth and let him in immediately, finally remembering what this felt like, what you’d tried to find with Alex but could never possibly compare to this. He was exactly like you remembered; how close he pulled you to him, how his tongue roamed your mouth, how his hair was so soft and so easy to grab, even if it was damp and sweaty after his concert.

You broke apart after a little while but didn’t pull away; Taehyung rested his forehead against yours, eyes closed. You wanted to close your eyes, too, and stay here forever but you knew you couldn’t, that you had to at least let him know what the situation was. “Tae,” you whispered.

He smiled, eyes still closed. “Dilara.”

Even as you smiled, you felt a small prickle in your eyes when you heard your name come out of his mouth with that Korean lilt, still sounding like the most melodious song he’d ever heard. You tilted your head up slightly and kissed him again before pulling away this time, leaning back against the wall. “Tae.”

He stood straight now and you finally registered how tall he was, your forehead just making it past his shoulder. His hands fell from your waist but he reached up to twirl a strand of your hair on your shoulder, looking down at you with a fond hint of a smile, as though nothing you could say could ruin this for him. When you took a deep breath, he raised his eyebrows in that playful, smirky way of his, asking you to continue.

“I, um…” You bit your lip and tugged on the bottom of his t-shirt, just to give your hands something to do. “I have a flight in the morning.”

Taehyung’s face fell just a bit. As you’d suspected, the end of your dalliance was not something he’d thought of yet. “Oh,” he said finally, eyes falling to the ground as his shoulders dropped. But then he raised his eyes to meet yours again. “Then we have tonight.”

True to form, just like the first night you met, Taehyung took you to the terrace of the building. He told you on the way that they’d recorded, practiced, rehearsed and performed, all in this very building. Apparently it’s where they spent the majority of their time whenever they were in Los Angeles. You preferred it, especially when you reached the top and the cool night breeze hit your face. Next to you, Taehyung sighed and closed his eyes, running a hand through his hair.

“Shit, you must be tired,” you said, suddenly feeling guilty. “Are you sure you don’t want to -”

“No, no, I’m fine,” he interrupted you, shaking his head and coming up behind you to wrap his arms around your waist. “I’ve been waiting for this for too long now,” he told you, kissing your cheek. “Plus, we’re alone…”

You giggled, turning around and happily obliging, kissing him as though you did it every day (wishing). He snickered, responding with feel and, you guessed, adrenaline from after the show, picking you up so you could wrap your legs around his waist. It was so familiar; it still felt like young love, full of excitement and affection and heat. Finally, lips still on his, you reached behind him and tugged at his bandana, untying it, pulling away and hopping down.

Taehyung threw his head back and shook out his thick hair, joining you near where you sat down with your back against a low wall, in the perfect position to take in the view overlooking the entire city. “So,” he began, taking a seat in front of you against a low parapet, bending his knees and casually taking one of your hands in his, interlinking your fingers. “How are you?”

You tried to tell him everything; how the F1 season ended, the fact that you got re-signed for another two years, that your mum and Rudy celebrated fifteen years together. You skirted around the topic of Alex; you didn’t think you had anything to feel guilty about but at the same time, especially given how passionate your reunion with Taehyung had been, you felt yourself wanting to hide it for as long as possible. You both hadn’t even been \very big; except for a few F1 fan accounts on Instagram who themselves could only speculate, no one knew for certain, especially since you and Alex definitely never went public.

There was so much to catch up on that the conversation eventually moved to Taehyung, his tour, how disappointed he was to not be home for his birthday again but that the boys did their best to give him a great time anyway, how he was exploring dreams as a theme for writing music. Sometime during the conversation, you shifted where you were sitting on the floor and your foot hit your bag, knocking it over so its contents spilled out. Thankfully, it wasn’t much - except for one thing.

Taehyung paused before gingerly picking up the cigarette pack, face smooth and completely unreadable. You sighed, just like you did the first time Lexie, Chris and Fred each found out. “Okay, don’t judge me. I don’t smoke all that often; just when I’m stressed or…” Your gaze flickered up to him. “... anxious.”

“I vape,” he stated, looking up at you with that same impassive expression.

You raised your eyebrows, not expecting that. “You do?”

He nodded. “I don’t do it so often, though,” he echoed, the corner of his mouth lifting. “But… yeah. Not just you.”

“Guess we learned something new about each other tonight,” you said softly. “But, you know. I have to hide it,” you added, gesturing to the smokes and the lighter. “The F1 community will not take well to a driver smoking, especially in this day and age.”

Taehyung nodded. “I get it. If I ever get photographed with a vape…” He didn’t even finish his sentence, but he may as well have. K-pop idols were held to such a standard of perfection that if it ever came out that V of BTS was vaping, he would be crucified.

“I can keep a secret,” you told him, holding out your pinky. He looped his own around it and tugged, pulling you onto his lap so you straddled him. There was a shift in the air; there was something so hot and intimate about sharing a sordid secret like this with him, a vice you both had, a weakness that couldn’t get out to the world - except to each other.

Almost to test him, you pulled out a thin, long cigarette and lit it, taking a long drag and only breaking eye contact when you tilted your head up towards the sky and let out a breath of silvery smoke. When you looked back down at him, there was darkness in his eyes, his cheekbones looking sharper than ever, his tongue slowly licking his lips. Wordlessly, you pointed the mouth of the cigarette towards him, watching as he leaned forward and took a long drag, blowing the smoke forward but to your side.

He frowned slightly. “Is that... green apple?”

You smiled in confirmation. “My favourite.” You took another drag and this time when you turned your head to blow out the smoke, he stopped you. His hand came up to your face to keep it steady and he tilted his chin up slightly, keeping it level with your face. Still not looking away from him, you slowly blew the smoke out, right into his mouth, just as he pulled your face closer and kissed you.

It was different from all the other times you’d kissed tonight. He opened his mouth and your tongues met immediately. It was slow, sensual, with deep breathing and sighs into each other's mouths. The cigarette fell forgotten as your hands went up his chest, gripping his t-shirt and feeling his hard, lean chest under your hands before they went up to his head and you ran your fingers through his soft, thick hair.

You moaned softly without meaning to; you’d missed this, him, so much. You felt his joggers twitch at the sound and rolled your hips forward, grabbing at a clump of his hair. Taehyung moved his lips down to your jaw and to your neck, leaving slow, open-mouthed kisses to your skin. His hands moved up your bare waist and up your crop top; hesitating for a moment, he ran his left thumb across your nipple through your bra.

“Shit,” you whispered, feeling your core throb. His other hand moved lower down your body and lingered on the inside of your thigh, pausing there. Eyes still closed and still biting your lip in an effort to not moan out loud, you frowned. You relaxed a bit when you felt his hand move slightly higher up but when it was less than an inch away from your core, he stopped again. Frustrated, you pulled at his hair, trying to get him to go further.

He grunted momentarily and then, to your horror, you heard him snicker against your skin, low and deep. He moved his mouth up your neck and bit at your earlobe, teasing you. You jerked away and pushed him back by his shoulders, glaring down at him. Taehyung looked up at you with that same knowing smirk, raising his eyebrows slightly and even though he wasn’t saying anything, you could practically hear him saying Beg for it - especially since it wouldn’t quite be the first time he was saying it, not in so many words.

The hand that was up your top snaked down and grabbed your arse, pulling you towards him. “Something wrong?” he asked, his fingers now touching your underwear. His smile widened slightly and you knew he’d felt how wet you were.

You sighed, your eyes fluttering shut momentarily. “Tae, come on,” you whined softly, gripping the shoulder of his hoodie in your fist. “Make me feel good, baby,” you murmured, lowering your head slightly and kissing him, your lips lingering on his. “Or not,” you said after a moment, backing up a bit. “We are in public after all.”

The smirk dimmed slightly but his jaw hardened. It felt like a switch somewhere had been turned on, making his eyes darken. “I know,” he said at last.

So Kim Taehyung had an exhibitionist kink. Or some bit of it, at least, as much as his career would allow. You felt a smirk forming on your own face when your mind suddenly ran through all the scenarios you could use this information in. For now, it made you so hot that it was a wonder you hadn’t come already.

You reached behind you and wrapped your fingers around his wrist, slowly bringing it up the side of your torso and back under your top. He pinched your nipple softly, covered with nothing but lace (a good decision, you reflected mildly), smirking and biting his lip when he felt it erect in the cool wind. He pressed his thumb over your clothed clit and you stifled a whimper, so ridiculously wet for him.

You could tell Taehyung was enjoying this, the silence, the risk, the build-up, the control. He was looking up at you with half-lidded eyes underneath dark eyebrows, lips slightly parted and curling back over his teeth. Not breaking eye contact, you raised your hands and pulled down the straps of your overalls, shrugging out of them and leaving you in just a mint green crop top that stopped just below your breasts.

“Stop teasing me, baby,” he murmured, lifting your top carefully with his left hand and pulling the lace cup down, exposing your breast to the cool wind. You shivered and he chuckled quietly, and you knew that while you were egging him on, if anyone was really getting teased here, it was you. He brushed his thumb over your hard nipple again before reaching forward and taking it into his mouth.

You couldn’t pretend any longer. “Fuck, Tae,” you whispered, your back arching and hand going up to grab his hair and keep his head in place. You reached for the hand that was up your skirt, tantalizingly close to your core but frustratingly out of reach, and pressed his palm to your wetness. He squeezed it once before letting it go, making you stifle another whine of annoyance, swirling his tongue around your nipple and sucking at it until you found yourself begging for more.

Taehyung finally pushed your underwear aside and dipped two fingers in you, his thumb going straight for your clit when you heard a sound behind you somewhere in the building and pulled at his hair slightly. “Baby,” you managed breathlessly, already feeling close, “we’re going to get caught.”

His response was to silently speed up his fingers, softly groaning at the sight of how turned on you were. Despite how close you were to coming undone, you knew you’d said the right thing - mostly because you’d said it on purpose. You reached down to feel the pulsating bulge in his joggers and you knew you were right, palming him without warning. He grunted and immediately grabbed your wrist, pushing it away.

“Uh-uh,” he muttered, shaking his head slightly. “This is about you. So whoever’s going to catch us can see you come all over my hand, baby, come on,” he purred, the Korean lilt making your toes curl, kissing your jaw and moving down your neck as his fingers moved faster, his other hand dropping your wrist and grabbing your arse to keep you steady.

“Tae, I’m gonna - oh, God, I’m coming - “ With a stifled cry against his shoulder, you felt the familiar explosion of heat come in waves, panting as his fingers slowed down and let you ride out your high, finally pulling out of you when you were done. When you opened your eyes and looked down at him, he was looking back at you with a mixture of arousal and fondness, his hands resting on the tops of your thighs.

“I’ve missed you,” he said, voice deep and loving, the sharp and sexy tone disappearing instantly. He ran his hands up your bare torso and linked his fingers around your waist and tugged you closer to him. You felt your face heat up with the way he was looking at you so you leaned forward and rested against his chest, your cheek against his shoulder and your forehead brushing his neck.

Taehyung hummed in approval of this new position and his arms tightened around you as he sat back against the wall. You sat in comfortable, intimate silence for a bit; you ran your finger along his chest in random shapes and he tapped his slender fingers softly on your back in random rhythms, making goosebumps erupt on your skin, occasionally fingering the ends of your hair. You tilted your head up slightly and inhaled as subtly as you could; he smelled of lotion, something vaguely flowery, and cologne and sweat, and you never wanted to forget it.

“Did you say something in Korean?” you asked after a couple of minutes, pulling away slightly and looking up, ignoring his low whine at the loss of contact. “When we were…”

He raised his eyebrows for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, I think so. Got a bit, uh… carried away, I think,” he added, a bit sheepishly.

“No, I - I liked it,” you admitted, shrugging self-consciously. “You sounded… sexy.”

He grinned. “Yeah? I’ll keep that in mind for the future.”

It felt like you hadn’t seen this smile in ages, which you hadn’t. Not in person, anyway. You grabbed the front of his t-shirt in a loose fist and tugged. “I missed you, too,” you said after a moment, before kissing him. He responded, taking it slow and deep, opening his mouth to let your tongue in. You snaked your hand down his torso again and reached for his erection, slowly massaging it as you kissed him. This time, he let out a soft groan into your mouth but didn’t push you away; instead he nipped at your lower lip and his hips buckled just a little bit into your hand when you heard the sound again, like a door swinging shut.

You pulled away immediately and whipped around. “What was that?”

“Probably someone who can catch us,” replied Taehyung nonchalantly, reaching up to press a kiss to your exposed neck but you pushed him back.

“Tae, seriously.” You clambered off his lap, ignoring his protests, and craned your neck towards the door that led them to the terrace before turning back to him. “Can you go check? Please? You have more of a right to be here than I do.”

“But -” The relaxed arousal on his face was replaced with mild annoyance, a frown on his forehead until he rolled his eyes and got to his feet, walking away and disappearing for a couple of seconds. “Nothing,” came his deep voice, a note of irritation audible.

You stifled a chuckle, still on the ground when he walked back and gave you a look. “Fine, you were right,” you told him, grabbing his hand and making him pause where he was presumably about to sit down in his old spot. “I can make it better,” you added, adjusting yourself so you were on both your knees before him and looking up.

He raised his eyebrows. “With one of our songs? And not even a sexy one?”

“It’s been stuck in my head since the concert.” You shrugged sheepishly, reaching up to palm his slightly softer erection again. “I can make it sexy, too. You know… I can make it better...” you repeated, massaging him now, “... I can hold you tighter…” You pulled his joggers down so he was just in his boxers, his full erection now coming free, making him sigh, “... I can make it right,” you finished, your voice dropping to a murmur as you stroked your hand up his boxers and gripped his length.

Taehyung swore softly, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. When you started pulling his boxers down, though, his eyes snapped open. “Baby, you don’t have to - “

“I want to,” you said immediately. When he didn’t respond, you gave him a look. “Tae. Come on, it’s not like it’s the first time.”

A smile started spreading across his face, presumably at the memory. “No… no, it’s not,” he agreed. “I just… I get a bit carried away,” he admitted after a moment. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

For some reason, that made your stomach do a backflip. “You won’t.” You slowly ran your hands across his length again, watching as he shivered. “I want to make you feel good, too,” you implored, looking innocently up at him and licking your lips.

You could tell by how his breath was getting shakier that you were wearing him down. “You’ll tell me? If it’s too much?” he asked. When you nodded obediently, he observed you for a moment, face going back to the smooth, impassive one you’d seen for the first time in the flesh, all the back in Suzuka. “Go on, then.” When you ran a single fingertip down his length, he sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. “Suck me…”

You reached forward and took his tip in your mouth in answer. He swore throatily again, and despite your very recent orgasm, you could feel yourself getting aroused again at how deep his voice was. It was a different feeling, being the one to make him look so helpless, so aroused, so close to coming undone. It felt right, somehow. You should be the only one to make him feel like this, you thought, as his tip hit the back of your throat and he groaned your name out loud. Dilara… You moved your hand lower to his balls and he groaned again, higher pitched and his knees buckling slightly.

One of his hands was flat on the wall, supporting him, while the other came up to your hair and he grabbed it, hard. You whimpered involuntarily, gagging for a moment, and you knew he could feel it because he clutched it even harder as his hips buckled forward. You squeezed his thigh, letting him know he could let go, and started bobbing your head faster, your tongue swirling around the head of his cock.

“Oh, fuck, baby, I’m -” Taehyung’s voice was ragged and choked, and you could feel your jaw starting to hurt. “I’m gonna come, Dilara, I -” He broke off and groaned, and you felt his warm seed spurt on your tongue. You slowed down, pumping his length slowly until he was done before pulling away and swallowing without fuss, sitting back on your feet. You tossed your hair back and tried to make it lie flat while he pulled his boxers up, eyes still closed, looking completely fucked out.

You stood up and fixed your overalls before reaching up on the tips of your toes and kissing his cheek. Eyes still closed, he smiled breathlessly, his arms coming around you to hold you in place as he turned slightly and captured your lips in his. You wrapped your arms around his neck, reaching into his hair and running your nails along his scalp, hating that you couldn’t do this every day.

You were still very much in your own world, snogging lazily in the cool breeze of the terrace when you heard a sound followed by a different kind of groan. You jerked apart and you turned around to see Jimin and Jungkook, both holding paper bags, while Jimin had his face screwed up in exaggerated annoyance, turning away and muttering to Jungkook in Korean.

Jungkook slapped him on the shoulder, his own face red as he grinned apologetically, while Taehyung just rolled his eyes and seemingly admonished him before switching to English. “What’s that?” he asked, pointing at the bags.

“Are you hungry?” asked Jungkook, looking at both of them and pulling out boxes of fast food anyway, making your stomach rumble.

You could argue that in Japan, apart from Taehyung, you’d spent the most time with Jungkook and Namjoon - but even that hadn’t been a lot. You and Taehyung had been stranded in the Japanese countryside after the dog farm when the hotel car Taehyung had driven you in had broken down, and he’d predictably called Namjoon for help. Apparently a recent license-holder, the leader had driven over to rescue the two of you, Jungkook tagging along for reasons best known only to himself.

Apart from them, you had only run into Jimin once in the elevator when he’d winked knowingly at you before leaving you alone with Taehyung. Besides them, you hadn’t met any of the other members before the weekend had come to an end, so it was pleasantly surprising that the other two maknaes volunteered to bring you food on the terrace, especially when Jungkook walked over and hugged you just like Namjoon had, albeit a little less confidently.

As the night went on, however, it became less surprising. It was clear that they were both here out of sheer curiosity, and while the older members might have had the sense to give you both your privacy, these two had no such boundaries thus far at least. You found you didn’t mind too much, though; you weren’t the best at meeting tons of new people at once, so it was better that it happened one by one.

It was somewhat sweet how Jimin kept pushing more and more food in Taehyung’s direction as he spoke to you, the Korean accent slightly less pronounced in his words, while Jungkook seemed to have actively missed him for the last hour, talking to him in rapid Korean as though updating him on everything he’d missed the last couple of hours. They kept switching between English and Korean, and it was nice to see Taehyung so comfortable and happy that you couldn’t even find it in yourself to be annoyed that they’d interrupted your precious few hours with him.

Sometime later, when you were just reaching over to dip a french fry in ketchup, he nudged you gently. “I’m, uh… I’m sorry about this,” he said softly, sounding a bit nervous. You frowned and looked over at Jimin and Jungkook who were laughing and talking with each other.

“Oh, don’t be,” you said immediately, meaning it. “I like hanging out with them. Jimin’s my favourite, you know?” you added, winking.

“Oh, ha ha,” he said dryly. “But, no. I meant, I’m sorry for tonight.” You didn’t get it and he seemed to understand that, for he rubbed the back of his neck a bit self-consciously and shrugged. “I just… I always pictured the next time we met that I’d take you out on a real date. Not… stuck up here on a terrace hiding from fans and eating fast food.”

There was something happening in your chest and it was a few seconds before you realised it was your heart racing. You popped the fry in your mouth just to keep yourself from smiling too widely and shook your head. “That’s okay. And if it makes you feel any better, I would think we’re hiding from the paparazzi more than the fans - which I don’t mind at all. But, just out of curiosity,” you added, leaning back against the wall and looking up at him, “where would you have taken me?”

Taehyung pretended to think, leaning back against the wall as well, before listing down a bunch of ideas that included a go-kart track, a dark room in Seoul, a B&B in Connecticut, an art gallery in Sevilla, and a museum of penises in Belgium. It took you a moment to process all of it, but you had fun discussing how you thought those dates would go before you reminded him that he did take you on a date, the day after you first met.

“Oh, yeah, the dogs,” he remembered, smiling. “That was a really good day.”

“It was,” you agreed, nodding. “You even took some great pictures that day - there’s this one I put up on my Instagram a couple months ago… hold on, I’ll show you -”

“This one?”

You looked up to see him holding up his phone, a picture of you lying down on the grass, black hair wavy and spread out, laughing up at him while you cuddled a labrador. “Yeah,” you said slowly, surprised at how quickly he found it. You remembered what Namjoon said about a picture of you being his lockscreen and you wondered momentarily if it was this one.

“Yeah, I saw it. I liked the soundtrack to it, too,” he added cheekily, and you knew he was referring to Winter Bear being the song you chose.

You felt your cheeks heat up, thankful that your skin didn’t quite let you blush. “You saw it?” you asked warmly. You remembered putting it up; it had been just before his birthday and you’d been missing him a fair bit, but your dynamic by then had started dwindling down to the point where you couldn’t simply text him out of the blue. You’d been flipping through the handful of pictures you’d taken during your brief dalliance in Suzuka and when this one had come up, you’d felt an overwhelming sense of affection and sorrow, enough to publicly lament what could have been had things been different, if he wasn’t a world famous musician who was scrutinised by the public and you weren’t a world famous athlete who travelled to twenty countries for nine months out of the year.

“M-hm. I, uh…” He bit his lip, his cheeks darkening slightly, “I created a fake Instagram account. So that I could… follow you.” His eyes locked with yours and you wondered what he wanted to say before he settled on follow.

You bit your lip too, and chose not to reveal that Namjoon had already told you this. “Really? What’s it called? I’ll follow you back,” you told him, taking out your phone and clicking on the Instagram icon.

“From your public account? Sure that’s a good idea?”

“I have a Finsta, too, Tae.” You ended up following him from both accounts, especially since you used your Finsta fairly rarely, shared only with your closest friends. You both went through his account after that and he showed you the posts he’d put up, mostly artsy shots of rain and streets and his studio. You stopped when you spotted one familiar looking picture, though.

“Is that…” You zoomed in and frowned, leaning across his lap a bit. “Is that me?” The picture in question was of a shadowy figure on a bed, long wavy hair spilling over the pillow and sheets, turned away from the camera and facing the large wall-length window, back bare before it was cut off by a white blanket. The person - who you presumed was you - was right at the bottom of the picture, a dark shadow and taking up barely a quarter of the frame. The focus of the picture seemed to be the rising sun outside the window, glowing red and making the sky ripple. In fact, for a person scrolling through, they may not have even noticed there was a person in the picture at all.

Taehyung nodded, unabashed. “Yeah. Remember the morning I took off before you - before you woke up?”

You nodded, recalling how uneasy you’d felt when you’d thought he was done with you once you’d had sex the previous night. He’d disappeared when you’d awoken and made zero contact with you for the rest of the day, even when, as part of Honda’s sponsorship deal, BTS were in the Red Bull garage a good portion of the time. It had taken your car crashing into a wall for him to acknowledge you at all, and a moment of rehearsed closeness with Daniel Ricciardo, a handsome fellow driver, for him to truly reclaim your attention.

“Oh… yeah.”

“Yeah, well. This is what I saw when I woke up,” he said, pointing at the picture. “And it looked…” He trailed off, a slightly faraway look on his face, frowning as he tried to think of the word. “... like something someone would write a song about,” he said finally, looking back down at you.

Your response was on the tip of your tongue, but you were afraid it might ruin the mood… even though you wanted to know. “Then why did you leave?” you asked softly, failing to keep the hurt out of your voice anyway.

He chuckled quietly. “Because not everything is powerful enough to make me want to write about it,” he answered, dropping his gaze back to the picture. “But you were. And that worried me.”

You didn’t have to ask why. It had worried you, too, feeling the way you did, how strongly you did for a man yo barely knew. “So you sneaked out,” you stated in what you hoped was an understanding tone, “because it scared you.”

“It confused me,” he corrected. He raised his eyes to look back up at you, his gaze more intense than ever. “Until it didn’t.”

Once again, you didn’t have to ask what he was talking about, because you remembered. You remembered what had happened later that evening, what he’d confessed, what you’d confessed, how it had been the last time you’d both seen each other until tonight. It was also the last time you’d both ever said it to each other, and now you wondered, looking at Taehyung, if he still felt that way.

His ring felt cool against your ribs, tucked inside your top. It wasn’t something you’d thought about tonight at all, choosing instead to live in the moment. But you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t been holding a candle for him this whole time, unable to forget him, unable to move on. You thought about the fake account he’d created, how he’d been keeping up with your career and your life. It suddenly occurred to you that he might know about Alex. But before you could say anything, Taehyung leaned down and pressed his lips to yours, only for a moment before Jimin cried out in annoyance again, exclaiming in Korean.

You pulled apart again, this time a bit embarrassed; in all honesty, you’d forgotten you weren’t alone. Taehyung chucked a fry at Jimin, who looked positively cherubic as he whined. “It’s not our fault you came up here,” said Taehyung shortly, in English.

“We came because we haven’t met Dilara in a long time,” said Jungkook reasonably, making your heart skip a beat at the sound of your name, “not so you could make out with your girlfriend where anyone could see you.”

Normally, you presumed you and Taehyung would both share a moment at the allusion to the new kink you’d discovered about each other, but there was something else that Jungkook said that made you freeze, suddenly unable to meet Taehyung’s gaze. You felt him stiffen next to you and you knew he’d caught it, too.

It was easy to forget sometimes that you and Taehyung barely knew each other - because it felt like you’d known each other forever. The intensity of your feelings was so strong since the first time you’d laid eyes on each other, getting only more so the next couple of days until you left Japan, that you both focused on nothing else until you were separated and finally forced to realise how undefined you were.

You knew you weren’t his girlfriend. You weren’t even sure you wanted to be; you simply didn’t know enough about each other to make that assessment. But all of a sudden, the thought of anyone else being called his girlfriend made you want to throw up.

You still couldn't meet Taehyung’s gaze and you could tell by the way he’d gone suspiciously quiet that he was just as awkward about this as you were. Fortunately, it seemed as though Jimin could read his mind, for he immediately scrambled up and dusted himself off. “There’s a pool table here,” he announced, fooling no one. “Anyone want to play?”

You didn't remember answering, but you found yourself getting pulled up by the hand anyway. Or maybe you stood up yourself; it was too hard to tell in the face of Jimin’s sparkling smile and angelic voice. Taehyung presumably stood up behind you and you all shuffled out of the terrace and into an adjoining room you hadn’t noticed before, where you and Jimin played against Taehyung and Jungkook.

You were glad for Jimin being here because the awkward tension disappeared instantly. You and Jimin were decent at pool, while Taehyung was terrible and Jungkook being Jungkook was amazing without ever having played before apparently, making the teams evenly divided. You were barely paying attention to the game, though; you were pleasantly surprised at how Jimin and Jungkook were deliberately making an effort to make you feel comfortable.

Jungkook sang dramatically every time it was his turn to shoot, while Taehyung, adorably frustrated at how bad he was, started sneakily knocking balls around and distracting everyone else. Jimin, bored after a few good shots, resumed the conversation you’d both been having outside about your friends and the work they did (choreographers). It was surprisingly easy to talk to him, enough that it was a while before you realised that you were both neglecting the game in favour of talking to each other, leaning against your cues and laughing every time you were pulled out of your conversation by either Taehyung or Jungkook who prodded you to play your turn.

It wasn’t until you caught sight of Taehyung’s face halfway through and spotted him turning away in what you could only identify as annoyance, that you wondered if he was annoyed at how you were monopolising his friend. In all honesty, you hadn’t even realised you were, but you supposed if how he was walking by both of you but deliberately ignoring you was any indication, he was definitely annoyed.

But it wasn’t even until he walked by both of you again, this time blatantly knocking the cue ball into another one so they both tumbled into the corner pocket, that you realised where you’d seen this particular expression of his. A million years ago, back in Suzuka, the day he’d been frustratingly keeping his distance from you, you’d brought out the big guns to test if he was truly over you. You’d roped in Daniel Ricciardo, a sexy, fun-loving, Australian beach boy who drove like a shark, making sure to pay him your full attention and laugh at all his jokes, until Daniel had finally called you princess, and Taehyung had snapped.

Danny hadn’t even meant anything by it; it was a media nickname given to you that most of the drivers used as a joke, but something in the way he’d said it at the evening buffet, with Taehyung standing less than five feet away from you, had hit a nerve. Taehyung had slammed his coffee cup on its saucer before stalking out of the lounge, the sound not dissimilar to that of the cue balls he’d just knocked over.

Jealousy becomes you, baby, you’d whispered into his ear not long after that incident, once he’d cornered you in your dressing room. You doubted he’d even heard you; he’d fingered you while making sure you kept eye contact with him the whole time, satisfied only when he watched you come undone because of him.

He’d told you he loved you less than an hour after.

Now, you turned around to see Taehyung sighing loudly before something suddenly seemed to fall in place for Jungkook, who immediately started to leave.

“No, no, we should go,” he said hurriedly to Jimin, who looked thoroughly confused at this abrupt plan. He looked over at you for support but you could only shrug, biting your lip and trying to suppress a smile, pretending not to notice how you felt Taehyung come up to stand behind you, towering over your smaller frame. As Jimin continued to protest, Taehyung walked over and held the door open, watching Jungkook pull him away as they disappeared, before shutting it and slowly turning around to face her.

There was about ten feet of emptiness between you where he was at the door and you were standing with your back against the table, suddenly realising just how tall he was. He stood there, unmoving, hands in his pockets, narrowed eyes boring into you. You returned his gaze with defiance, softly biting your lip in both anticipation and teasing.

“That was fun,” he said finally, his face conveying the exact opposite.

“Was it?” You shrugged. “I mean… sure, he’s cute,” you allowed, carefully observing him for any movement. “But not my type.”

God, he was so hot. The corners of his mouth widened, but it wasn’t a smile. He took his hands out of his pockets, flexing one of them as he did, and placed them on his hips. “What’s your type?” he asked, as though inquiring about the weather.

“Um…” You noticed all of a sudden that he was closer to you now than he was a few moments ago. “Tall,” you said vaguely, waiting for Taehyung to nod shortly in approval. “Smart. Well-built,” you added, enjoying how he twisted his neck slightly, “... artistic. Kind of moody,” you added further, tilting your head up slightly so you could look him in the eye. He was standing right in front of you now, your chests barely an inch apart.

He didn’t touch you, though. Up close, the black hair, black eyebrows, black clothing played havoc with your heart as he gazed down at you, smooth face betraying nothing. Against your skirt, you felt something move. “Anything else?”

You nodded, ready to play your last card. “I like my men kind of jealous, too, sometimes,” you told him, biting your lip and silently begging him to prove you right. Truth be told, you weren’t big on jealousy. But you had a feeling he knew that, too. Still holding your gaze, he tugged lightly at your skirt before running a hand up the inside of your thigh, stopping just before your soaked underwear. You’ll probably have to throw this pair away, you thought, as his lips curled back slightly over his lips.

Then, all of a sudden, his hand dropped back to his side. You frowned, your breath still caught in your chest, when he tilted his chin up slightly. “Take it off,” he commanded, voice calm and deep.

A shiver went down your spine and you resisted the urge to say yes, sir; somehow, you didn’t feel like it was the right way to address him. His eyes were darker than ever as he gazed down at you, waiting for you to obey. So, you did. Trying to keep your fingers steady, you reached up your skirt and shimmied out of the black bikini-cut you’d put on this morning, hoping for the best.

Taehyung’s eyes followed it as it fell around your feet before looking back up at you. He took a step forward and placed both hands on either side of you on the table, effectively trapping you. “Hop on.”

Everything he was saying sounded like the exact opposite of what it implied. His voice, already world famous for being deep and sexy, was irresistible when he was using it to tell you what to do… especially when you knew you’d do it. You nodded silently and hitched yourself up, legs dangling a foot above the ground. Taehyung ran his hands slowly up your thighs, disappearing under your skirt, holding your gaze the entire time. He didn’t stop until he reached your hips and squeezed them slightly.

Then, without breaking eye contact, he slowly got down on one knee, and then both, and your toes curled inside your shoes at the thought of what was coming. He smirked slightly, clearly knowing where your mind was at, before pushing your skirt up and raising an eyebrow. You shut your eyes involuntarily, knowing for certain that you were about to make a whole mess on the pool table.

“You’re so wet, baby,” he observed in that same calm, deep voice, sounding almost surprised. “Did Jimin get you this wet?”

Ah. You’d almost forgotten what started this whole charade. At the end of the day, your strong, dominant Kim Taehyung was still jealous. You didn’t know how much to push this, but you reasoned that there was no time like the present to find out. You shook your hair back and looked down at him. “Maybe a bit?”

Taehyung’s reaction was exactly what you’d hoped for. His jaw visibly clenched and he pulled you forward with a jerk so it was just the edge of your hips keeping you on the table. You gasped at the sudden movement and he nodded in approval and, wordlessly, leaned forward and swiped his tongue up your folds.

“Oh, fuck!” You didn’t see it coming and you had to grip the edge of the table to keep yourself steady. Apparently, once Taehyung was unleashed, he was a monster, for his hands didn’t loosen their grip on your thighs even for a moment, remaining almost painfully tight, enough that you were sure you’d have bruises in the morning; the thought aroused you even more. His mouth was relentless; he was eating you out, sucking on your clit and running his tongue across your slit like it was butter.

Your hand found its way to his hair and you clutched at it and pulled, making him grunt. You could feel the vibration in your core and you whimpered - and you felt him smile. Or it was a smirk, but you were so close that you couldn’t tell. “Tae,” you gasped, “Tae, I’m close…”

He shook his head. “Yeah? Jimin’s making you come?” He spread your legs wider with a jerk and you whined, pulling at his hair again.

“No, no…” You gave up now - you just wanted to come. “It’s just you - only you…”

“Sure about that?”

You nodded vigorously, barely able to find the words. You felt his tongue lick your clit again and you sighed when, all of a sudden, he pulled away and stood up, running a hand through his hair and wiping his mouth. “Not so easy,” he growled softly, coming to stand between your legs and crashing his lips onto yours. You could taste yourself on his tongue; you responded with urgency, pulling at his t-shirt to bring him closer while he ran his hands up your sides and squeezed your breasts, making you moan into his mouth.

His lips at your neck, he slipped one hand around your waist and smoothly brought you down. “Turn around,” he rasped into your ear.

“Uh-huh.” You obeyed just as you saw him reaching into his pocket and finding them empty; you were leaning on your hands, your legs trembling from the orgasm you were so close to when you realised what you were looking for.

“My bag,” you said breathlessly, pointing to the small backpack peeking out from behind the table. “I have a… there’s a condom.” You both hadn’t gotten to it during the frantic stairwell sex but since you were on the pill, you didn’t quite mind in hindsight.

If Taehyung found it presumptuous, he said nothing about it. You felt him move away and reappear a few moments later. “Good girl,” he murmured, voice like velvet as you heard the condom wrapper tear. A few seconds later, you felt his wrapped tip touch your entrance and you groaned, your hands curling into fists, but you didn’t say a word, not wanting him to deny you another chance to finish.

Taehyung placed his hands on your waist and bit your earlobe before whispering, his hot breath on your ear. “Do you want me to stop, baby?”

You almost came right there, but you made yourself respond in the negative because you knew what he was really asking, in true Taehyung fashion, just like he had in Japan. “Please… please fuck me already, Tae,” you added in a whine, backing into him slightly.

The next thing you knew, you felt his hands on your hips and he entered you slowly, both of you groaning in unison. You couldn’t believe it; you’d almost forgotten to savour what he felt like, how he stretched you out, how his hands made your skin feel like it was on fire at the slightest touch. He established a rhythm quickly; you knew you couldn’t hold out much longer.

Taehyung was pounding into you, each thrust getting you closer and closer to the edge. “Fuck, you feel so good, baby,” he muttered, hands clutching your hips tightly. “You’re so - fucking - wet…”

“Tae, I’m gonna come,” you gasped once more, your arms buckling. “I’m gonna…”

“Come for me, baby,” he murmured, “just for me… come on…”

At his approval, you felt yourself ride your third orgasm of the night. He was still going as waves of pleasure hit you one by one, until you finally came down from it, your neck feeling cool and damp while his rhythm got even faster. He was murmuring in Korean again, before switching back to English.

“Dilara, I’m going to -” He grunted with one last thrust, leaning over you and letting go of your hips, placing his hands next to yours on the table. Panting, he pressed a kiss to your shoulder before resting his forehead on it, slowly coming down from his high.

You felt spent - in a good way. Taehyung pulled out slowly and you winced slightly at the sensation. A few seconds later, you felt his arms go around your waist and gently pull you into his chest as he kissed you on the cheek. “Are you okay?” he asked in Korean, voice a soft, deep murmur against your skin. Your Korean was less than basic, but this you understood. You were too exhausted to say anything, though, so you simply nodded, turning your head slightly to capture his lips in yours.

You turned around in his arms, reaching up on the tips of your toes, and kissed him with renewed passion. You pulled away when you realised you weren’t wearing any underwear.

“Um, can you -” You pointed to where the black scrap of cloth had been kicked a few feet away. Taehyung immediately brought it back, a slightly sheepish yet proud look on his face as he handed it to you and you slipped it back on. “So,” you began, once you’d hopped onto the table, pulling him closer by the hand to stand in between your legs, “the famous V of BTS gets jealous?”

He didn’t look embarrassed; instead, he tossed his hair out of his eyes and rested his hands casually on your hips. “Not really,” was all he said, silently daring you to disagree. You raised an eyebrow but when you couldn’t help but smile at what a liar he was, he smiled too and dropped his gaze. “I’m sorry if I went a bit…” He scrunched up his face and you realised he was searching for the word. “... overboard,” he said finally before pausing. “Actually, no, I’m not.”

You laughed, shoving him by the shoulder. “It was amazing,” you told him honestly before kissing him. He kissed you back, wrapping his arms around your waist and stepping closer to you. His lips felt so warm, so familiar, so perfectly made for yours that the words came out without meaning to. “I love you,” you whispered against his lips, feeling him freeze the moment you said it.

Fuck. You pulled away slowly, dropping your hand from his face onto your lap, unable to believe what you’d just uttered. It was crazy to think he’d still feel the same way… except you had a feeling he did, but you couldn’t be sure. The longer he stayed silent, the more you were convinced you were wrong and the humiliation only got worse. You cupped the back of your neck with both your hands, still not meeting his eyes, and you were just about to hop off the table when his hand came up to your chest.

You stiffened automatically before you saw what he was reaching for. Somewhere during the glorious fucking over the table, the chain around your neck had slipped out of your top. Eight months ago, after a perfect forty-eight hours when you’d both finally arrived at the topic you’d been avoiding, you and Taehyung had more or less made your peace with never meeting again - until you’d been checking out of the hotel after your race and the concierge had slipped you a small brown envelope with a plain silver band inside it, the same one Taehyung had been wearing on his index finger the entire time. Now, he looped the same finger around the ring and tugged gently. “You’re still wearing this?”

You didn’t answer and you knew he wasn’t expecting one either. You felt your heart sink slowly, mentally kicking yourself for your inadvertent declaration of love and wearing a token of it, while he hadn’t even responded yet. At the time, you were sure that the ring meant he didn’t want that weekend to be the end. Now, for the first time since, you wondered if you were wrong. Taehyung brushed his thumb against your jaw and you finally dared to look up at him, trying hard not to look too hurt or hopeful.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked after a few moments, sounding hesitant. Not trusting yourself to speak, you simply nodded. He continued looking at you contemplatively before finally dropping his gaze to rest somewhere between your chin and your neck. “What happened with you and Alex Turner?”

Your heart stopped. It wasn’t that you were afraid of answering; it was just so far off from what you’d expected him to respond with that it took you a moment to gather your thoughts. Taehyung’s eyes snapped up to meet your eyes again and you could see your doubts suddenly reflecting in his, starting to assume the worst, worry clouding his dark eyes even as his face remained smooth and impassive as ever.

Finally, you exhaled deeply, knowing this had to come up eventually. “We dated,” you said simply. “For a few weeks. Nothing more.”

“When you say ‘dated’...”

You bit your lip, not sure what kind of detail he wanted you to go into. “Um… we met in Monaco during the race weekend... and then again in London. Since he lives there, too,” you added, hoping that answered his question. Your heart lurched at the look on his face, the silent hurt along with the forced resignation. “I broke up with him, though,” you whispered after a moment.

He nodded, not meeting your eyes. “I wondered why you’d stopped responding,” he said quietly. “Guess I know now.”

Ouch. Your shoulders dropped. “Tae…”

He swallowed as he continued to finger the ring. Finally, he closed his fist around the ring and sighed. “Did you love him?”

“No.” The answer was easy and immediate. You didn’t love Alex Turner; you didn’t think you ever could have, not so long as Taehyung still hovered within the boundaries of your life, a door unclosed. “The last guy I loved is standing right in front of me,” you admitted, feeling a bit bolder, just wanting him to look at you.

The corner of his mouth tilted up slightly but he still didn’t say anything. “I never forgot about you,” he murmured after a moment, slowly looking up at you, eyes bigger and more earnest than you’d ever seen them.

“Me neither.” You reached up to cover his hand with yours. “Not for a second.”

After what looked like a moment of decision, Taehyung lowered his head and kissed you again, a little tentatively. When you opened your mouth to let him in, leaning in and holding his face to yours, telling him everything you were too afraid to, he sighed.

“Is it bad that I want to kill him?” he murmured against your lips.

You giggled, partly in endearment and partly in relief, and shook your head, going back to kissing him. “Not at all.”

“I’ve loved you every day since Japan, Dilara,” he confessed, moving his lips to your jaw and up to your ear. You felt your face heat up again and didn’t respond, suddenly euphoric. You had sex again, equally passionate but far more gentle, with you lying back on the pool table and Taehyung’s comfortable weight on you, his movements soft and loving. He whispered after a few minutes that neither of you had another condom. You bit your lip, telling him you got tested after Alex, before he confessed that he hadn’t been with anyone after you. Your love for him filled your whole heart and you kissed him and, despite your better judgement, asked him to finish inside you.

You went back outside after that. It was nearing four a.m.; when you settled down against the low wall, with you situated between his legs and resting back against his chest, you finally started to feel tired. Taehyung’s arms were around you, loose but secure, his embrace warm and comforting. You leaned your head back against his shoulder, keeping the comfortable silence going, and turned slightly to breathe in his scent again.

It was barely a few minutes later when you realised he’d fallen asleep. You suddenly remembered that he’d finished a concert tonight, but you couldn’t find it in herself to feel guilty. Careful not to wake him up, you pulled his arms tighter around yourself and leaned back, trying to imprint this moment in your brain as deeply as you could, not knowing if or when you would ever get this again.

You awoke at dawn, the first rays of sun appearing over the horizon. Your phone buzzed just then: a reminder for your flight. You swore, realising you had about ten minutes to leave for your hotel or you would miss your flight. Los Angeles traffic this early shouldn’t be much, but you couldn’t risk it. You started shrugging Taehyung’s arms off and getting to your feet when you felt him stir and tighten his arms around you, groaning into your neck.

“Baby, stop,” he whined in Korean, shifting slightly and crossing his legs around you. Despite the fact that you knew you had to leave, you couldn’t help but beam, your heart soaring at a sleepy, irate Taehyung cuddling you at the break of dawn. You allowed yourself, for one self-indulgent moment, to imagine this moment if you were a couple; a normal couple, dating like normal people, waking up lying on a bed instead of sitting upright on a terrace, half-naked in pajamas instead of concert clothing and make-up, cuddling and snogging until you had to get up instead of cruelly being forced apart yet again with no knowledge of the next time.

It made you smile, but it also made your heart hurt. You sank into his chest for a moment, taking in as much of Taehyung as you could, before turning your head and kissing his cheek. “Tae,” you murmured, nudging him. “Wake up, babe.”

Eyes still closed, he shook his head and buried his face deeper into your neck, twisting your bodies until you both stumbled and fell sideways onto the ground. Taehyung groaned and sat up, squinting in the light as he attempted to flatten his hair, while you got to your feet, dusting yourself off and offering him a hand. Frowning up at you, he said something in Korean.

Biting your lip, you eventually gave up. “My Korean isn’t nearly good enough to understand that,” you reminded him, helping him up. “But I’m learning.”

“You are?”

“Well, I mean, kind of. I don’t know,” you said vaguely, now checking your bag for all your belongings and looking around in case you’d dropped anything. “You know my friend Chris, right? He got sick of me asking him for translations so he’s determined to make sure I learn the language now.” You looked up to see him looking more confused than ever.

“Who’s Chris?”

You gave him a look. “You met him. In Suzuka.”

Taehyung’s frown deepened. “He didn’t work for Red Bull, right?” When you shook your head, his eyes widened. “He’s Korean?”

“Yes. His name is Chris Park. Actually,” you added, “his name is Park Chanyeol.”

“Why didn’t he speak to us in Korean?”

You frowned. “I don’t think he spoke to you at all. You were ignoring me that day, remember?”

Taehyung gave you an unimpressed look, marred by the smile creeping onto his face. “I’m sorry about that,” he said softly, sounding sincere as he came closer to you. When you lightly knocked him on the chest, looking up at him with as much fondness as you could, he swallowed, the smile on his face fading into resignation. “Dilara…”

Your stomach did a backflip at the sound of your name, once again sounding like a song he didn’t want to stop singing. He swallowed again and opened his mouth, but closed it before shaking his head and opening his arms.

You walked into them without hesitation, reaching up and wrapping your arms around his shoulders, feeling him hold you to him tightly. You stayed there for a few moments and, right on cue, you could feel your eyes start to sting with tears. It was so unfair; you wanted to stomp your foot and punch something. You could feel Taehyung press his lips to your shoulder, your neck, the side of your head in quick succession, the situation clearly hitting him now as well.

“I love you,” he mumbled into your hair, deep voice trembling. “Let’s not wait another eight months to do this again, please?”

You nodded, chuckling. “I agree.” You pulled away to wrap your arms around his torso, hiding your face in his shoulder. “I’ll miss you, Kim Taehyung.” He kissed the top of your head before you finally separated. You knew you were crying now, tears actively escaping your eyes as you wiped them. You could tell that Taehyung was just about holding it together, trying to be strong for both of you but he was crying, too. You stepped back and put on your bag, when something fell out of it.

You picked it up before he could, straightening the long black and white bandana in your hands. “I’m keeping this,” you informed him.

He gave you a small smile and nodded indulgently. “It’s yours.”

It was too hard after that - plus, you were getting late. You reached up and kissed him, a quick kiss, lasting less than ten seconds before you turned and bolted, knowing there wasn’t much else to say. You reached your hotel, crying the whole way to the airport, and knocked yourself out with an aspirin on the flight, hoping to catch up on sleep the entire way to London. Just before you took off, you saw a message on your phone.

Next time, I’m taking you out on a real date. I love you. Fly safe.

~

Thank you for reading. Don't forget to drop a review :)

[teacupsandcyanide]

collection of some of my favourite moments on real housewives of beverly hills, out of context, but also just know that having context really doesn't really make any of these things less bewildering:

"What ultimately sucks about this is that friends don't sue friends :("

"I think he looks like a mastiff but not like a gay mastiff."

[at a seance] "WHO'S GONNA JUMP INSIDE MY BODY?!"

"She's saying you look like a gay dog."

The time Kim used a new breath spray for a week before realising it was a mini can of air freshener

"She said mean things about Adrienne's very beautiful shoes. She made fun of our dog Jackpot calling him Crackpot."

Kim being late to everything and then saying she's never late because she's a Virgo

[said with fully sincere anger] "Where are my crutches? I want to hobble away!"

Dana: Have you seen Brandi's crutches? Kim: [drunkenly] No [cut to earlier when Kim and Kyle are sitting on the couch] Kyle: What – did you do something with her crutches? Kim: [equally drunkenly] I hid them

"Being friends with you is like playing chess with Bobby Fischer."

The phrase "nose coming-out party" used with carefree abandon

"I'm an Arabian horse. You know, like [makes cat yowling noise, mimes cat claws]"

Yolanda (who is evil) being scared to pole dance because she might "hurt [her] peepee". Brandi told her she didn't have a peepee. Yolanda said that yes she does she's a MOM what do you think her kids came out of. Your urethra? Your children came out your urethra???? no girl it just feels like that because of the lemons

Yolanda has a whole thing with lemons and i can't get into it without having to add ED discussion trigger warnings. can't stand her hope she goes bankrupt so her financials will finally match her morals

There are a lot of mediums on the show but the second-best one said: "Later I'll tell you the truth about what happened to Princess Diana because she told me."

[bad English accent that somehow sounded like a racist Indian impersonation] "May I politely suck on your penis, please?"

[doing air quotations[ "I think Adrienne's "great" like, as a "person", in theory..."

The best (ie worst person) medium on the show told Kyle that her husband would never fulfil her and then sat through the resulting screaming match blowing on a fake cigarette (an electrical one, but I'm pretty sure it was like. either the shittiest pre-vape e-cig ever or it was what it looked like, that is an electrical stage cigarette supposed to be used for theatre)

Also then after everyone finished screaming at each other and left the medium said "they kill themselves or each other to feed their young", somehow both as if it was a totally normal thing to say AND as if she was a thirteen-year-old defiantly reciting her favourite screamo lyric to a family member who asked how school was going

Kim looking at some decorative turtle shells on a wall and enthusing about how much she loves turtles. me too girl the fuck

"I want to create a garden, a gay garden."

Kim's daughter getting ready for prom while Kim sits at a table behind her mashing an enormous bowl of Waldorf salad together with her bare hands

[megafreeman]

Saints Row male characters as type of men I encountered on Grindr

Johnny Gat: taps you to show he’s interested in you, then never responds when you send him a message

Pierce Washington: Has a “only normal please” in bio, but sends you constant “hey”s despite being ignored and told you aren’t interested. Like one hey every week. He finally stops and you think he got the message, just to send you a “hey” 2 months later. 

Julius Little: Trump supporter gay who thinks being one is harder than being gay. Left his long term relationship because they weren’t a Trump supporter. Mostly preying on guys in early 20s despite being double their age

Troy Bradshaw: Super secretive straight passing guy that’s very clear about looking for only straight passing guys for a discreet relationship. Acts like he’s being hunted by FBI

Dex: Blank profile, you see a notification and get scared what he sent you. Could be a nude, could be a selfie, could be a hey. Depends how he felt at the time

Carlos Mendoza: Too pure for Grindr, too trusting. Got hurt too many times by the assholes on the app that he struggles trusting anyone on it at first. Send him a face pic and he’ll give you his home address. Says he’s verse but never topped a guy

Oleg: online once a week, usually spends 5 hours on the app and then disappears for a whole week, the only way to keep in touch is adding him on WhatsApp

Josh Birk: hookup gay who’s a top who’s looking for another top for some reason so yall can 69 or something???

Angel: seems like a normal guy at first but has no personality, will never be interested in anything about you, but will have no problem giving out his personal information. Looking only for guys who take working out seriously

Zimos: Same as Julius, only for some reason a die hard Biden supporter. Will offer to pay you for sex, but almost never show his face

Matt Miller: fem kid who starts a normal convo with you, but escalates and turns it sexual very quickly... uncomfortable sexual... 

CID: is literally a bot with a fake pfp that offers you a $2000 salary a month through PayPal to be his sugar baby

Joseph Price: would put his dick in anyone, always down to fuck, but nothing more due to his commitment issues. surprisingly, despite coming with an intention to stick it in you, he will still respect your boundaries

William Sharp: offers to pay you to come to his place and let him to whatever he wants to you

Donnie: doesn’t use Grindr because of the racism on it, prefers Tinder

Angelo Lopez: similar to Joseph, except he will call you a slur if he wants. he doesn’t give a shit. fuck you, you’re beneath him

Hector Lopez: sugar daddy looking for sugar baby

Benjamin King: doesn’t put his age in bio, is very respectful and nice, just to reveal after 2 weeks of meaningful conversation that he’s double your age

Warren Williams: same as Sharp, except he’s less subtle about it and doesn’t know what he’s doing. will probably end up physically hurting you with his inexperience

Big Tony: doesn’t use grindr, is straight and homophobic

Richard Hughes: powerful and closeted homosexual who uses grindr to cheat on his wife of 40 years

Veteran Child: arrogant kid, starts the convo by asking you if you want to suck his 9 inch dick (its 5 inches in reality)

Mr Sunshine: has a huge toy collection that he proudly displays on his profile

The General: is in a relationship, doesn’t use grindr but adds random gay guys from grindr on Instagram he somehow tracks down

Maero & Jessica: couple, looking for a Third™

Matt Feed Dogs: The Third™

Jyunichi: silent lurker, you can message him based on his very detailed profile, but no use, he’ll reply to 4 messages, decide he hates you and stop responding

Shogo: rich kid with his rich toys (car keys, watch, vape pens, expensive shirt brands) as a profile pic, send you nudes instantly (both a dick pic and an ass shot, verse king) and is extremely picky with his guys

Kazuo: homophobic

Dane Vogel: rich and successful guy that’s looking for someone that will use all of his bondage toys on him

Phillipe Loren: same, but wants to use his toys on you

Killbane: “no fats, fems and asian”

[19thcenturyedgelord]

TW: Transphobia, Homophobia, abuse, neglect, p3dophilia, s3xual assault, su!cide, alcohol

~Vent~

My mother is constantly saying that they is only two gender and is always dead naming me, the one time I get her to say my preferred name she rolls her eyes and scoffs as she says it.

My mother has told me my whole life that she owns me and that I don't get to make any decisions for myself, she was dressing me until I was disowned at 14.

My mother would threaten to k!ll herself is I ever did something she didn't like, this includes: having a panic attack, dealing with over stimulation, trying to dress myself, telling her to stop walking in on me while I was showering/changing, going to bed early, going to bed late, saying I was hungry, asking to be allowed to go outside, wearing my headphones, not being strictly christian/not eating kosher, ect.

My mother got rid of my pet hermit crabs without telling me and was constantly trying to release my turtles even though they would die in the wild and they were being taken care of very well with a large, clean tank and plenty of food and hiding places, a special light that was good for their shell, and a great water to land ratio.

My mother slut shamed me because I was wearing shorts that went above my knees (they were perfectly appropriate btw).

My mother would scream at me for hours if I got anything less than a 100% on a test and even if I did get a 100% she would ask me why I didn't get any extra credit even if there was none available and even if I'd did get extra credit she would ask why I didn't get MORE extra credit.

While I lived with my mother I had a diet of nothing but microwave meals and chips and chips because she spent all of her money on vape, cigarettes, and alcohol. I would constantly be near unconsciousness due to my low blood sugar because I had nothing to eat.

She has slapped me across the face multiple times, one time with sharp plastic that cut my chin, she did this as a punishment. One time she slapped me because my blood sugar was low and I was grumpy, this is how it went down:

Me: Hey I know you wanna talk right now but can I make some food first my blood sugar is low this should take me 20 minutes max"

Her: No, I'm you mother and your going to talk to me right now

Me: Can I please just get something to eat

Her: *yells at me wich causes me to get distracted*

Me: *spills uncooked mac&cheese because distracted*

Her: *yells at me then slaps me across the face*

My mother nearly beat me to unconsciousness because she was very drunk, I had bruises all over me the next morning but I was to afraid to say anything because I new she would scream at me and hurt me more.

She molested me daily, forced me to change in front of her, forcefully spooned me in bed for hours even after I said no, and would "playfully" spank me.

She was constantly talking about how sexy a 17 year old at her work was and even bought him vape. She would also talk about some of my friends like that and even tried to internet stalk two of them, we are all minors.

She would lock the door to the apartment and wouldn't give me a key and would force me to wait outside in knee deep snow for hours without any warm clothing because she stole it all. She also refused to drive me to school in -8 degree (f) weather because she didn't want to loose her parking spot. I was also forced to bike to and from band practice (with she forced me to to do because she wanted to live through me) in 30 degree (f) with heavy rain because she didn't want to loose her parking spot.

She would consistently make fun of me for reading or doing anything that I enjoyed because I was a "nerd" and a "looser"

She disowned me after she stole my phone, went through it and found out I was a lesbian.

I couldn't even go into my yard without telling her where I was going, if I didn't tell her I would be screamed at and not allowed out my room, for a day and then not allowed out of the house for two more weeks.

She routinely went through my phone and my belongings without my permission, knowledge, or consent, in case I had anything "suspicious".

I tried moving in with my dad and she sued him.

She stole my most prized pokemon cards, a bag, most of my clothes, all of my old toys, and over $200 from my in the span of two weeks.

My room didn't have a door and she positioned herself so that she had to go through my room to get anywhere else in the house.

She would frequently lock the bathroom door so that it was only accessable from her room.

I told her I like pop music and she called me a failure then continued to play her extremely s3xual, vulgar, music about dr*gs, alcohol, and r@pe.

From the time I was 8 she tried to force me to drink alcohol because its "cool"

She forcefully pushed me against a wall because I refused to give her a hug after she made an offensive joke and I called her out for it.

She screamed at me because I corrected her after she misgendered me.

I had to learn morse code just so I could speak to my friends without her knowing what I was saying.

When I started counseling because I wanted to k!ll myself and because I was having upwards and 15-25 panic attacks per day, she forced me to tell her everything that happened in counseling even if I didn't want to.

She always gangs up on me in fights but if I try to get back up she just yells at me more.

She refused to take me to the hospital when I had a concussion and forced me to go to school all week even though I could barely stand or speak and now I have verbal and motor tics which she makes fun of.

She would scream at me because I sit down in the shower even though I have arthritis. (Yes I have arthritis at 15, it runs in the family and before to long I might develop psoriasis, I have shitty genes)

I wasn't allowed to wear anything that revealed my shoulders, that was low cut, shower any part of my stomach or back, short that went above my knees, ect.

I wasn't allowed to get my hair cut below my chin because it " wasn't feminine enough"

I wasn't allowed to have anything that was "for boys" this included clothes, toys, books, stickers, blankets, posters, movies, ect.

She forced me to watch R rated movies with her even if I didn't feel comfortable watching them.

I wasn't allowed to have any friends over and I wasn't allowed to go to any friends house, the one time I did have friends over she judged all of them and tried me to stop hanging out with them after they left. My friends are all very good people and are the only reason I'm still alive rn, she was just mad that I was talking to people who weren't her.

She screamed at she because I got one (1) drop of dark green ink on her black coffee table that she got for free.

I wasn't allowed to draw any male characters because she was afraid I would get off to them or something idk (this was before I was forcefully outed)

She bought me a triple chocolate cake for my birthday once. I'm allergic to chocolate. She forgot my birthday the next year.

Anytime I would tell her about the terrible bullying that was going on she would tell me to get over it, even after I had been thrown to the ground and strangled by one of my classmates.

If I got into a new game or hobby she would either take it away or shame me for playing it.

She spent all day on the computer playing Sims 3 to the point where I had to feed myself, take care of myself, and play by myself as young as 5.

She screamed at me because while talking about Pokemon lore I mentioned how Arceus is the god of the Pokemon world and she said I shouldn't say that because it would "make god mad" ( I have nothing against christians or christianity btw, just the people who shove it down your throat like she does)

I wasn't allowed to eat or drink the last of anything (finishing a bag of chips, taking the last soda, ect.) If I did she would scream at me and slap me as punishment.

She threatened to forbid me form seeing my cousin (who for the first 11 years of my life was my only friend) if I ever "talked back" to her.

She wod frequently strangle me as a form of "tough love".

When I was 2 she tried to teach me how to swim by holding me under water over and over again, drowning is now one of my greatest fears. Luckily I did learn to swim with the help of cousin and granny and even enjoy swimming but it is hard for me to do things like wash my face in the shower or stay under water for more than a few seconds without panicking.

She never taught me how to cook but then would scream at me because I didn't know how to cook.

Her smoking inside and while driving has caused me to have some lung issues, she denies that she ever smoked near me.

She tried to take me away frome everyone in my life including my family and friends so that I could only spend time with her.

When I was in fifth grade she homeschooled me and forced me to do college lever reading, learn how to code, learn at least two other languages that weren't english, learn how to play guitar, do gymnastics, do jujitsu (japanese), do soccer, learn to sing (keep I mind I had no interest in music, but she did), do a digital homeschooling program set at a highschool level, and learn a bunch of useless skills like knot tying and making friendship bracelets because it was "feminine". This was in FIFTH FUCKING GRADE.

We didn't have a washer or dryer and she would never go to to town to get laundry done so I never had clean clothes.

If I had more that $10 I had to give the rest to her.

She tried to kidnap me once.

One time on accident I stood in a bull ant hill and got stung all over (if you don't know ants all sting at once), I was swollen all over and screaming in pain and she did nothing, not even give me ice or ointment, she just told me to be more careful.

[hematomes]

your type: people who could and would kill you (?)

my type: probably good spouse material (?)

zAJSJD HE DID WHAT???? EXCUSE ME HE WHAT??? WHAT ARE YOU FEEDING YOUR XINGQIU??? WHAT IS THE BUILD PLS TELL ME?? wait what’s his normal build for context 🧍

also i was gonna tell u beidou was doing 22k perfect parries (i spent abt 45 min practicing w her yesterday) but damn ill just be quiet ig /hj

im in love with both these types of ppl, but yeah i tend to. prefer the 1st category </3

OKAY SO BASICALLY i tested it against the pyro cube for a vape reaction, even if it means that mona died like. a whole 3 times bc i didn't have a good shield

he has like 70/190 crit ratio and 1.8k atk, but i used mona, bennett and c6 diona as support so he went up to almost 3k atk and close to 300 em (which ayato won't in the abyss etc bc i don't know what team im gonna use, tho bennett's gonna be in there for sure). without them and any reaction he's on 16k + 19k with his skill lv. 12 (or 11 i can't remember zkdnzk)

he's on 2p glad 2p hod + primordial jade cutter (lv. 70), and with ayato's ascension he should reach ~215 crit dmg, with the 90 pjc i think ill get around 80 crit rate so pretty constant

his normal build is 60/150 crit ratio iirc, 2p noblesse and 2p hod with a r2, lv. 80 sac sword but im gonna try to give him a 4p eosf, i just spent decades in that domain and i can't handle it rn </3

PLS 22K ON PARRY IS AMAZING???? my built beidou only goes up to 15k ZNXKZKD and now she's benched again so-

[vaguelyhumanshaped]

These are my 2AM fearsonas. I regret everything nothing.

More beneath the cut!

The Buried:

Jacob Wallace//Bog Mummy Cryptid Man

He sings people to their boggy deaths, like a stinky, peaty siren. Or Hozier.

Favorite song: Hozier - In A Week

The Corruption:

Cassidy Haskill//My Ladybug Love

She’s adorable and I love her with my whole heart.

Favorite Song: Tally Hall - All of My Friends

The Dark

Clementine Stevens//Half-faced Wanderer of the Night

She walks the night lit only by her candle.

I’m not actually 100% set on her name + story, if anyone wants to give suggestions, I’m willing to hear them

Favorite song: Ollie MN - Friendly Dark

The Desolation

Markus Winter//The Guy Who Plays Guitar Next To The Fire At The Party

His whole deal is he goes to parties, plays songs until someone gets angry and fights him, at which point he chucks something they care abt in the fire, ie. jackets, hats, jewelry. faces.

Favorite Song: Hozier - Would That I

The End

Piper Inglis//She’s a florist

She’s the owner of a little flower shop, who often does business with morgues in her area, but don’t worry about that, she’s lovely.

The Eye

Jackson Hill//Professional Photographer, Cinematographer and Model

Who said that being a avatar of the eye meant being a nerd? No one did, but just for the record he’s not a nerd, he’s cool. Also he has an eye tattoo over his alopoecia because I’m projecting, what of it?

Favorite Song: Lady Gaga - Paparazzi

The Flesh

Anna Thomas//The

Worst

Best Chiropractor In The World

Do your bones need cracking? She’ll snap you like a twig and you’ll probably like it. If not, back pains will be the least of your worries.

Favorite song: The Killers - Bones

The Hunt

Flora Saunders//Because Cute Butch Is Peak Hunt Design and the only one I’ll ever make

Yes, I’m a fan of cute girls. Yes, I think the goddess Artemis is a badass. Yes, both of those facts may have influenced my design process on this one. No, I am not taking any questions abt it.

Favorite Song: girl in red - girls

The Lonely

Jenna Graham//The Wallflower of The Lonely

You know that mood when you feel alone, even when you’re surrounded by people? Of seeing happy smiley faces singing sweetly while you stand in the corner, or play with a cat or hide while the world keeps spinning around you? Yeah, that’s her vibe. Also, she vapes.

Favorite Song: Mitski - Nobody

The Slaughter

Paula Mignon//Basically Sweeny Todd and Miss Lovett in One But Cute

She owns a little bakery and makes pies. She’s wonderful and sweet and tries only to bake the rude customers into pies to feed to more rude customers. She tries okay?

Favorite Song: All Of Waitress The Musical

The Spiral

Danny Harris//Claymation Man

The worker of clay but like, what if a shithead adolescent. And also just completely malleable.

Favorite Song: LCD Soundsystem - I Can Change

Two Face//The Keeper of Doors

Y���know that character that’s like, one head only tells lies, one only tells truths, well that but both and they’re awful and I love them

Favorite Song: Tally Hall - &

The Stranger

Sam James//Caricaturist

Originally they were a toymaker that made really unsettling toys that resembled people, and then i thought abt caricature and how caricatures are just drawings of people that exaggerate proportions until they look less like people and thats that on that.

Favorite Song: Jack Stauber - My Plea

The Vast

Cameron Gillis//The Ferryman of The Pacific

She’s a tour guide who can only take small tours around, but who takes very little for her services. “I do it ‘cause I love these islands, this ocean and I want you to see it too.” She tours around deserted islands, and then when they want to get off the boat to take pictures, she deserts them.

Favorite Song: Che-Fu - Waka

Bonus Entity: The Extinction

Andy Vincent//Was A Humanitarian Amnesty Leader In High School, But Then She Succumbed to Nihilism and the Attrophy of the Universe

What more is there to say?

Favorite Song: Fall Out Boy -Sugar We’re Going Down

[inkribbon796]

Dr. Strangelove and Ticking Timebombs Ch. 2: Slippery Fingers

Summary: A strange container, strange meet-ups and zero coincidences.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3

When the heroes got to the warehouse, they were stopped by the bomb squad and several individuals in full hazmat gear walking around. Abe was sitting on a bench and rubbing his temples, Oliver was standing next to him. His vape in his hand.

Which surprised Logan because Oliver usually didn’t travel this far from the base.

“What happened, did the situation get worse?” Logan asked.

“You could say that,” Abe rubbed his face and stood up. “I was planning on showing you what was in that container in person, but Bing was in some camera feed and he called Brighton’s Health and Safety, and they came with fucking hazmat suits. Then he came in and started clearing people out.”

“Why?” Logan asked in confusion.

“Lo,” Bing shot out of the closest electrical panel, “there you are. An’ Marvin, perfect, I was about ta call you.”[1]

“Yeh wanted me an’ Logic?”[2] Marvin asked in confusion.

“Yeah,” Bing answered. “So you can’t go inta the warehouse, they’re still sortin’ out the pitchblende an’ findin’ what else got contaminated.”[3]

“Excuse me, did you say “pitchblende” why is that here?” Logan demanded.

“What’s pitchblende?” Tommy asked

“It’s a radioactive ore,” Logan explained. “Uranium-235 and Uranium-238 can both be synthesized from the ore to build nuclear reactors, but why is it here?”

“Why are you guys here then?” Silver asked.

“Well the ship’s manifesto caused some red flags to get raised,” Abe answered. “Some good Samaritan called the cops and pulled the container to the side. But instead of there being people in the cargo, there were some crates. And one of them was a lead box full of what Bing identified as pitchblende. He was watching us through some camera because he was bored, or some shit. And I’m glad he did because he saw what was in the box when my partner lifted some of it out and he cleared all of us out instantly. He was looking out for us.”

“Do we know where this shipment was supposed to go after it reached port?” Logan asked.

“Apparently a truck was supposed ta[4] come fer[5] it last night,” Bing answered. “But they pulled the container an’[6] no one saw a truck pull up fer[5] it. So I bet it scared ‘em[7] off.”

“I believe you might be right,” Logan decided. Then he looked at Abe. “Was there a name orva destination?”

“Just a name, a Tuberculosis Gadget,” Abe read with the type of smile he usually had just before he hit someone . . . typically that someone was Wilford. “I’ve seen some bad fake names, but this one is pretty up there.”

“Tuberc—” Tommy repeated in recognition.

Which immediately got Abe and Logan’s attention.

“That name ring a bell, kid?” Abe asked.

“I’m not a kid,” Tommy shot back.

“Whatever big guy,” Abe rolled his eyes. “Do you know the name or not?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know why it would show up here,” Tommy shrugged. “Don’t know what Tubs would want with somethin[8] radioactive. He’s a lawyer, not some crazy maniac.”

“Does he have other aliases, do you know this individual’s name?” Logan demanded.

Tommy hesitated for a second before he opened his mouth, but Ghostbur had started glancing around, half bored and half unable to put his concentration on any one thing for too long.

As the other heroes were trying to get information from Tommy, Ghostbur spotted two people off in the distance, watching them. He was so excited he spoke without thinking. “Tubbo? Hey Big Man, look, it’s Tubbo and Jack.”

The heroes looked at the two people just inside the cordoned off area. One was a man with a shaved head and red and blue glasses, the other was a much shorter man with a fluffy vest and brown hair that covered his eyes and most of the burns on his face. The second figure had a set of curled goat horns coming from his forehead.

“Tubbo?” Logan repeated in surprise, recognizing the burns.

Abe startled a bit, “Excuse me, but this is an active crime scene investigation, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Ghostbur, what are you doin’[9] here?” Tubbo asked before his eyes scanned the crowd before he just stared at Tommy. “Tommy, why the fuck are you workin’[10] with these assholes?”

Tommy sputtered in surprise, as the other heroes braced to intervene, “I am not some common pleb named “Tommy” or some such shit.”

“Tommy, don’t be a fuckin’[11] idiot,” Tubbo shouted. “I know it’s you, I’ve known you fer[5] fuckin’[11] years. You’ve only covered half yer damn face, an’[6] you didn’t even try to even talk deeper at the very least. You’re shit at hidin’[12] yer[13] identity.”

Tommy paused for a second or two, then said in a deeper voice, “I am not Tommy.”

“That’s worse, mate,” Jack Manifold told him, rolling his eyes behind his 3D-colored glasses. “Please use yer[13] normal voice. That one’s just complete dogshit.”

“Well fuck you too,” Tommy scowled, his tone a touch quieter.

Logan’s head was spinning, unable to reconcile the young man at the bed and breakfast who loved bees, with this same young man arguing in front of him. His whole body felt on edge. “Did you order this shipment?”

“Yer[14] gonna half to be specific,” Tubbo asked with a smile. “I order a lot ‘a[15] things.”

Jack looked at the amount of heroes, “Maybe we should just—”

“Save it, you can go, but I’m not goin’[16] anywhere,” Tubbo warned with almost an angry growl to his voice.

“This is an investigation, you can’t just be here,” Silver warned.

“Were you here to pick up a shipment from dock 14?” Logan asked.

“The one with my new smoke detectors an’[6] lanterns?” Tubbo smiled.

The other heroes were confused, but Abe and the androids weren’t.

“That’s not the only thing in there you sick fuck,” Abe spat.

“So it is yours?” Logan reeled a bit, Tubbo’s smile didn’t drop. “I don’t understand, you own a bed and breakfast, what on Earth do you want with Uranitie?”

“Ehhh, science marches on, big guy,” Tubbo shrugged.

“This not just for the sake of science,” Logan rebutted, a desperate tone to his voice. “This is a potential ecological and natural disaster waiting to happen. What do you intend for these items?”

Tubbo’s answer was given with terrifying calm, “To prove a point, really.”

“Ta[4] us?” Marvin gestured to them. “We get it, yeh[17] wanna be some big scary threat. We’ve faced worse.”

“Nah,” Tubbo dismissed. “You’re still human. Don’t care what you think ‘a[15] me.”

Then he gestured to Logan, “I meant ta[4] them.”

“Me?” Logan scoffed in disbelief as the pads of his fingers tapped once to his chest. “I thought you proved your point more than effectively at your establishment. But clearly I was gravely misinformed about your character.”

“I meant demons in general,” Tubbo dismissed. “Don’t take it personally. Although speaking ‘a[15] you, how lifelike are yer[13] little arms because the one that liked spiders had a whole personality an’[6] everythin’[15]. Did you give him that or is he naturally that skiddish. Hope it’s the second one because that’s seriously fucked up, dude.”

“The—” Logan felt alarm pass through him, he hadn’t been aware that Virgil and Tubbo had done more than look at each other across the game room of the bed and breakfast. “When did you speak with him?”

Tubo’s entire demeanor seemed to change. “The purple one? Can you not see everythin’[18] the others do?”

The skin and hair on Logan’s body stood on end, as if one current was going through him, “I think you must have confused me with someone else.”

“That depends on if you’re still the one who said you liked my bees,” Tubbo asked.

“I don’t think it wise of me to give my identity to you,” Logan warned.

Tubbo nodded, “Then tell yer[13] boss that Dream wants to speak to him. Has fer[5] a while now, we just haven’t been able to get past his door guards.”

Tubbo and Jack then looked up at something.

“Well, I think you’ve all made yer[13] point clear so you win an’[6] get to keep my stuff,” Tubbo shrugged. “G.G, we’ll just be off then.”

“No wait a second,” Abe ordered as Jack and Tubbo pulled out some green eye orbs and were already turning.

“Give me those!” Marvin yelled as the heroes raced forward. The orbs went sailing as Silver and Marvin raced for the two of them. Marvin grabbed onto Tubbo’s arm. “Yer not goin’ anywhere yeh—”[19]

The eyes opened and Silver flew back in surprise but Marvin didn’t and felt something rip Tubbo right out of his grasp.

Marvin screamed in pain as all of his fingers broke and the two people were gone.

“Fook!”[20] Marvin shouted in pain, holding his hand. “Motherfooker!”[21]

“Marv,” Silver began. “I’ll call the docs.”

Marvin screamed as he tried to keep his fingers still. “No, I’ll go after, we need ta[4] find these guys.”

“****!”[22] Bing cursed. “When did someone ****[20] with the cameras?”

“What?” Abe shouted and raced back into the warehouse. Logan was already on the phone with Henrik for Marvin.

Tommy and Ethan were a bit torn on who to go with for a bit but he shouted for Tommy to start getting into communication with Jackie and the other heroes.

Bing and Oliver were faster into the warehouse, keeping Abe out until they were sure it was clear. When the two androids got inside they saw several agents and hazmat workers lying dead around the facility. Arrows sticking out of some of them, bullet holes in others, and one or two of them had three lined up puncture wounds like they’d been stabbed with a trident or a multiple-pronged weapon like it.

Besides the dead people, the boxes were all missing. There were a few stray smoke detectors and a lantern or two that had been thrown by the wayside and were probably broken. But the lead boxes were gone, as were the box of magical crate

Bing tested the radioactive signature on the air and still found it slightly contaminated and therefore unsafe.

“Hey Bing,” Oliver messaged the other android.

“Yeah?” Bing replied as he was messaging Abe and giving him pictures and a report of the situation.

“Found something,” Oliver held up a small box that had come from the crate of magical supplies. Bing took a few pictures of it before opening the box and found that someone from the investigation team had already started labeling it. It was full of chunks of raw coconut.

“Weird,” Bing commented, taking more pictures and then placing the box in a radioactive-leak proof container so they could decontaminate it later.

They had missing radioactive material to find.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Accessibility Translations:

1. there you are. And Marvin, perfect, I was about to call you.

2. You wanted me and Logic?

3. So you can’t go into the warehouse, they’re still sorting out the pitchblende and finding what else got contaminated

4. to

5. for

6. and

7. them

8. something

9. doing

10. working

11. fucking

12. hiding

13. your

14. You’re

15. of

16. going

17. you

18. everything

19. You’re not going anywhere you—

20. Fuck!

21. Motherfucker!

22. Shit!

[the-magnus-archives-wiki]

Red string & Spiders

The Web is obviously gonna be important in season 5 and ive been meaning to dig into some of it’s threads (hah) for a while. Now, I know about Web!Martin and I admit that it’s a possibility, but i dont personally see the narrative taking that route. 

I don’t know that all these connections are intentional manipulations either, but I’m just gonna work under the assumption that they are and see where it gets me. Somewhere behind the scenes, Annabelle and the Mother are playing five dimensional chess and laughing at all of us.

This ended up being a bit long (1.5k words, whoops!) so it’s going under a cut.

123: Web Development. 

“You would have to write out, and post, in full, a horrible event that had happened to you, or someone that you loved.“ This sounds an awful lot like Annabelle is collecting statements, possibly scouting victims and potential vectors through which she can influence the Institute? She starts doing this in early 2015 and that brings me to

16: Arachnophobia & 39: Infestation

Carlos Vittery's name is found in the Chelicerae website. His experience happened in early 2015 and he made his statement in April. Investigating his statement is what brings Martin into contact with Jane Prentiss and sets into motion a chain of events that saves everyone during the Infestation. ie, he ends up living at the archives and stashes the extra fire extinguishers and the corkscrew.

Of course, Prentiss is also forced to start the wormpocalypse early after Jon accidentally discovers it when killing a spider.

147: Weaver & 80: The Librarian

It’s that damn lighter. From 147: “I realise that addiction is one of the strongest vectors of control there is.“ Leitner wouldn’t have been left alone if Jon hadn’t gone for a smoke, or just vaped instead. (Daisy helpfully mentions that he smokes Silk cut brand at one point -.-)

Of course, the lighter was delivered alongside the web table and destroying it is also what directly lead Jon to meeting Leitner in the first place. idk if the goal here would’ve been to actually get Leitner killed or if that was just a side-effect of pushing Jon further along his journey?¨

121: Far Away

The Web sends Oliver Banks to feed Jon a statement and encourage him to go full avatar. It’s just very kind and helpful, huh?

130: Meat

It helpfully points toward using a body part as an anchor when entering the coffin. This whole mess gets Jon marked by both the Flesh and the Buried.

Hill Top Road, pt 1

There’s A Lot Too Unpack Here

So they’re originally using this place to ensnare fresh adults and filling them with spiders. I think it is a place of power and essentially a production facility for the hollow type of spider person that Trevor encounters in 56. These might very well be the “spider husks” that got Daisy sectioned in the first place. 

Then there’s the whole mess with Agnes. I still don’t feel like I fully understand what went down there. Let’s look at these two quotes:

“she had destroyed the place utterly. And yet she remained bound to it, tied to it in some vital way.” (Eugene Vanderstock, 139)

“It let the Mother of Puppets bind me to Agnes, interweave our existences at some… metaphysical level, as it had with Fielding and the house.” (Gertrude, 145)

So we have ties that bind between Fielding/Hill Top, Agnes and Gertrude. The way Eugene talks about it, seems that being bound to Hill Top wouldn’t prevent her from realising her destiny, but being bound to Gertrude did. And while waiting for Gertrude to die, doubt crept into her and made her unfit for their grand ritual.

I still don’t understand why the uprooting of the tree at Hill Top is what spurred Agnes to finally end it though. It seems like that might’ve broken the bond between her and that place, which you’d think is a good thing? idk, maybe we’re not done with Agnes yet, or I’m just overthinking it.

Hill Top Road, pt 2

Season 5 babey!

“I can’t say much about exactly what happened within the walls of that house, but it seems the fight scarred the place in a way far deeper than simple fire. A scar in reality, that I believe has since been compounded by the interferences of other powers.” (Eugene, 139)

“There is something wrong with Hill Top Road. You know it as well as I do. Some strange scar on reality at the center of - whatever it is that the Spider is spinning.” (Helen, 146)

First, idk if it’s anything but this kinda reminds me of how Jon is marked by every fear. 

Second, episode 114. This is the episode I keep coming back to when thinking about Hill Top Road cause what the heck is up with this:

“I went to clean that house on April the 23rd 2009 which, according to all of you, is tomorrow. But it can’t be. That was two weeks ago. I’ve tried to talk to my friends about it. Those of my friends I can find, but they seem distant, like they don’t really know me. Everything is just... wrong. I can’t find my favourite coffee shop. And I don’t know who you people are.“

This whole episode reeks of alternate universe and I’m just ??? Additionally, the lady talks about the tree in the backyard, but it was uprooted in 2006, so even more AU vibes. Of course, it could be mental manipulation, someone altering her memories, but that seems like a weird red herring that Jon doesn’t even pursue. 

Alternatively, we’ve seen NotThem rewrite reality around a person and at this time the NotThem was bound to the Web table. I don’t think that’s anything, particularly given that the table was destroyed, but it’s a thought. (And NotSasha was very recently released back into the world so, hmm)

Ultimately I feel like the lady in 114 may have been a kind of experiment? A trial run to see exactly how they could harness this scar in reality, or to see if they needed to exacerbate it further? Whatever it is, I’m certain it’s gonna be Important™ in season 5.

81: A Guest for Mr. Spider

I don’t think baby-Jon was necessarily targeted beyond being a convenient victim. Him walking away from Mr Spider alive though, that may have made him interesting. I wonder if the Web being the first to mark him carries special significance and that’s maybe why it’s been assisting him? Its highly speculative but the Web did also mark Gertrude and it sounds like it may have been her first mark too. (Assuming the cat thing to be a joke)

Maybe it’s trying to use this to hijack Elias’ ritual somehow? Or to do a second ritual? Or the order of the marks has no significance and all it wanted Jon for was the Mass Ritual?

110: Creature Feature & 136: The Puppeteer

I feel like I know the least about these two. I don’t know to what extent they’re really connected but Neil Lagorio and the film angle seems like a big thing, and Annabelle’s presence makes me think it’s part of something bigger.

So Lagorio is supposed to be creating a spider animatronic but is actually housebound (you could even say homestuck). Annabelle shows up at his place and spends 5 months doing something before he dies. As news of his death break, a big spider monster kidnaps ~100 actors. It doesn’t feel like a big leap to say that he probably created (or was used to create) some sort of spider in the end.

idk what the end goal here is though, why did Annabelle send Lagorio’s original cuts to the Institute? Why is one body a year washing up on a beach? Are they just using them to lay eggs in, or as food? Just killing people isn’t very spider-y but I guess everyone needs to eat?

This whole thing is giving me ritual vibes but I don’t think that’s it? At least not your standard ritual.

Elias & 160

I feel like the Web has definitely helped us get to 160 but I don’t think Elias is directly working with it. They just seem to share the completion of the Mass Ritual as a goal. (Or maybe they are working together and Elias is getting played somehow, that’d be nice.)

Annabelle straight up says “Maybe I’ve occasionally been nudging something here and there to keep you safe, to keep everything on track” and she directly calls out his compulsion to read statements, which Elias’ ultimately uses to set it off. I feel like, if she wanted to stop it, she would’ve just found some way to kill Jon.

I don’t know if the final goal was just to piggyback on Elias’ ritual though, that feels a bit too simple, especially since Hill Top Road hasn’t been resolved. There’s probably some further, sinister plot at play that just needed the fearpocalpyse to be a thing. I don’t know what it is, but it’s gonna involve a big spider and Hill Top Road.

[imaginesbymk]

Shrooms for Two.

Midsommar One Shot

Summary: Mark and Y/n sneak off together once finding out Y/n smuggled some magic mushrooms from the first stop they were at earlier. Their euphoric trip causes one of them to psych out, and trigger out an aggressive confession.

Pairing: Mark x Reader

Tags: drug use & swearing

A/N: as someone coming from experience w/ drugs, i have no intent on influencing someone to follow this activity due to this one shot. i’m no doctor but be careful and do ur research before you ever try shrooms!!! btw i have no idea if what i’ve written is accurate on a mushroom trip. i’ll do more research on it in the future.

YOUR POOR NEGATIVE thoughts on the Sweden trip immediately switched when you remembered how a lot of people were all in for drug use.

The first stop, you stretched your legs after the long car ride. Dani and Christian walked together while Mark was stumbling and annoyingly fighting his way through the tall grasses due to the bugs pestering him.

While everyone else engaged in conversations and observed Hårga, you snuck your way to Mark and tapped him on the shoulder.

“You know, we don’t start the main events until later,” you whispered.

Mark looked around and then back at you. He blows out the excess smoke from his vape pen. “So?”

He held a look of disinterest. Mark never really spoke to you that much during the whole flight there, not even in the car. You two exchanged questions maybe once or twice, but that was pretty much it. All he could ramble on about was his immature importance of explicit content—or pornography, including wanting to see the Swedish women, which was mainly the reason why he only agreed to come.

But that disheartening awkward tension would change if you just lifted your hand a little more, holding up the baggy of sweets. “So . . .” you shook the bag, making Mark’s eyes grow dark and large. “‘Shrooms for two.”

“How the fuck did you manage to smuggle those?” You and Mark made your way inside the quarters where you all slept. Being the only two inside given that everyone else was out eating dinner and preparing for another activity, it was safe to speak out loud and clear.

You shrugged. “What? I just grabbed a few. I even got us some dope.”

“Don’t those belong to Pelle’s brother or something?”

“Yeah. But Ingemar said I could take some.” The bag crinkles when you pulled out two magic mushrooms. You hand one to him. “Cheers.”

The same trip effect you had when you and the group took shrooms back at the first stop kicked in. You and Mark both felt like if you took one step, the ground would melt like butter.

So you both laid on the grass.

Mark wouldn’t stop freaking out, but it got to the point where you stopped trying to calm him down. You began to notice the trees were breathing, and your mind was at ease. Everything felt like a Macbook photo booth effect. Who knew a tiny mushroom could do so much to a person. You were feeling so relaxed, and you loved life. You loved Sweden . . .

You loved Mark.

“Are you gonna freak out like how you did before?” you say softly to Mark. You turned to him to find him in an extreme euphoric state, his large eyes widened as he looked around him all paranoid over nothing.

“No!” He exclaims. “Why?” He was already freaking out like before.

“Mark,” you said to him with warning. “Just relax your body.”

“I can’t even feel my body! It’s like I’m being stuffed with glitter!”

With a random reaction, you got up. That word sent an engine start in your system.

Feel. You feel different when you’re with Mark. You feel happy despite him not even knowing it. You feel reckless ‘cause he was a dumb college kid who smokes weed in his shared apartment. You feel whole when you’re imagining him being with you. You wanted him to be with you, that was why you offered the shrooms.

“Get up.” You insist.

“Huh?” he was panting.

You bent down so you were on your knees. You grip him and push him down so you were straddling on top of him. You were stupidly high that your words started slow, then gradually sped up by each second. “Mark, you make me feel some type of way. I seriously don’t know what the fuck you’re doing to me, but I love it. I really like you, but I’m not your ideal girl, like that Swedish girl you saw earlier. Inja, or whatever her name is!”

“Get the fuck off me!” Mark panics and tries wiggling you off. “I’ll throw you!”

You place both your hands on his face, caressing him. “Just let me enjoy us right here!”

“Y/n!” He pushes you. “You’re creeping the fuck outta me, and I’m always creeped out when I’m on this shit!”

You dust yourself off when you got back up on your feet. It was such a dumb thing to feel triggered about. Really, you had no idea what just happened. Or why you did what you did. It was just one shroom.

You freaked Mark out, and now he’s gonna think you’re a stalker and never speak to you or come near you for the rest of the trip.

Or was he? You looked down at him to check to see if he was okay. Sure enough, he went back to the usual state he was in, but he immediately forgot you were on top of him just moments ago, almost force feeding your confession down his throat. He didn’t need that, and you didn’t need to do that, either.

You kinda wished you had better planning, because now the villagers and your group with Dani and Christian were all walking back to the fields where you and Mark were, some staring at you as they approached closer.

Pelle grinned. “We were wondering where you two went.”

“They’re high,” you could hear Josh mutter in his sigh. “They got high, without us. Cunts.”

“Holy shit, did you break Mark or something?” Christian says. “Dude! You good?”

Dani rushes to you and tries to touch your shoulder. “Are you okay?” she looks down to see Mark, paralyzed in paranoia, his heartbeat racing and mind jumping to a whole different world. “Is . . . he gonna be okay?”

Mark fluttered his eyes wide open again. “H-HI!” He yelps. “There’s people! I don’t like new people!”

[arecomicsevengood]

Seeds

Before I read it, I had this idea I could write a review of Ann Nocenti and David Aja’s The Seeds for the Comics Journal, but the book just sucked too much. It had basically nothing going for it, or even decipherable as an advancing plot. One thing wrong with it is there’s this sort of conspiracy element, or this “no one believes the news” anymore element of it, but Nocenti didn’t want it to be about “fake news.” Donald Trump has rewired the narrative, so now entire types of subject matter feed into this propaganda machine simply by being addressed. Nocenti’s best work does not shy from topicality, addressing the currents in the cultural air, but this time the modern world feels too hot to handle.

I ordered the Daredevil: Typhoid’s Kiss trade paperback, reprinting a bunch of Nocenti’s work with the Typhoid Mary character from the nineties. The longest story in there is a miniseries with art by John Van Fleet. It’s partly about post-Tarantino video-store employees turned filmmakers kidnapping Typhoid Mary to use her as the subject of a documentary about serial killers and violent media. It’s also about Typhoid Mary working as a private detective trying to track down a killer of prostitutes, who the police don’t care about, and are maybe the actual killers of themselves. Storywise, it’s a pretty cool attempt to address real-world issues of the day within a pulp context.

Van Fleet’s art is pretty boring and bad in a way that’s distinctly ahead of its time. While the miniseries itself probably wouldn’t exist without the precedent of Elektra: Assassin a decade before, (a spinoff about a female Daredevil villain created by the writer during their run on Daredevil where that character defined their run) all the photoreference that’s probably actually just photo backgrounds run through filters sets a precedent for the Alex Maleev/Matt Hollingsworth Daredevil stuff to come a decade later. And it’s frequently annoying on a page design/panel background level. Like in terms of how the panel borders sort of default to grid shapes so there ends up being things that “read” as panels but that don’t actually do anything for pacing. It’s just fitting the narrative into regimented design choices.

This maybe only happens the once. But the art is also just super-stiff throughout, with a very chunky line that eliminates any real nuance. There’s a bunch of characters, but a lot of them are indistinguishable from one another, and that’s because the linework is about as muddy as the color palette — It kinda seems like he’s working with models and photo reference but also doesn’t have that many models to work with so he’s having them play multiple roles, but also his work basically seems more like photoshop filters than actual drawing? There’s a bunch of stuff that I think sucks, basically. But you can also draw a direct line from what Van Fleet is doing in Typhoid to what Aja does in The Seeds. All these choices that are meant to be classy and dignifed, a move away from the excess of superhero comics. The covers of Typhoid are just portraits of the main character, interchangeable from one issue to the next, which was a move that again, was ahead of its time: This is what so many Marvel covers in the 2000s looked like, the Tim Bradstreet Punisher covers probably being the go-to example. It’s pretty dull but it’s nice they’re not super-sexualized.

While the choices arguably suit the subject matter in Typhoid, which is at least partly about movies, in The Seeds, the story doesn’t really make any sense because the visuals seem so steeped in unreality. The premise is that a tabloid has photographed an alien, proving aliens are real. There is really nothing within the context of the story that explains why the news outlet would have enough gravitas to be convincing and have this be an actual news story. And the book is drawn in Photoshop, which is itself a photo-editing software, so the “reality” of the book is defined by the very medium that people recognize as why images can’t be trusted. This contributes a level of irony that could maybe be worked with if the book itself wasn’t so ugly and dull. The whole thing looks like some Banksy bullshit. Outside of word balloons, text appears in the large all-caps typeface of image macros. I don’t have scans of The Seeds because I gave my copy away on account of there not being any reason to keep it around.

The book is beyond dated at the time of its release. Partly this is due to the speed the cultural conversation has been moving for the past five years.  It’s been a difficult time period to work on a work of fiction about the news, certainly, and not only has the comic been a long time in the making, the writer has also been away from making comics for decades now. If the authors had been able to make this as a serialized monthly comic, it might’ve stumbled into timeliness, or the predictive, but as it is, the reading experience feels like a bunch of different, disparate ideas that do not really cohere into a narrative. Leaving aside how the book seems to emerge from a general cultural gestalt of the the 1990s, when The X-Files and Weekly World News were objects of discussion, every major plot point or news story chosen for thematic resonance is approximately fifteen years old. I believe 2005 was when I started to hear about colony collapse disorder. This bee metaphor has been lapped by a Honey Nut Cheerios campaign at this point. (A few years back, boxes of cereal came with seeds of wildflowers you/children could plant.)

Darin Morgan’s episode of The X-Files revival “The Mengele Effect” ably addresses all the issues with how cynicism and conspiracy theories feel different now, all the issues that Nocenti seems terrified of and hopes the audience doesn’t think of when reading her humorless X-Files throwback comic. That episode’s great.  Much of The Seeds seems like it was better done in the decidedly not-great Transmetropolitian. There’s something so dated and sad about this comic’s idea of a cool journalist protagonist: People barely smoke cigarettes anymore! I know no one wants to draw people vaping, but the imagery this book wishes meant “cool, urban, woman” reads as nostalgic affectation in 2021. That so much of the commercial landscapes of our cities has been replaced by vape shops was one of the biggest clues we were already living in a dystopia three years ago.

Nocenti, when she was working regularly, got to be a pretty effective writer for having a monthly deadline wherein she could speak on the issues of the day as they were happening. In the absence of a regular gig, this rare chance to speak her mind gets hampered by how much there is to talk about, and how complicated it all is. If it’s too complicated to address in an ongoing superhero comic, a one-off graphic novel with vaguely commercial ambitions turns out to be a worse space for it. It’s so much sadder than anything in this dream-of-the-nineties comic that the authors were given the grace to make something only under the conditions that doom it to failure. Real people made this work of fiction, and I don’t know what the fuck they’re even talking about, and that’s a more complicated narrative than the journalists in this comic who… stumble upon a story and then need to take to back because it’s too important or something? I don’t understand what this comic is about. It’s clearly gesturing at being about a bunch of different things, but what they get from being in juxtaposition with one another, I don’t know.

In interviews in advance of the release of The Seeds, Nocenti talked about how this was the first time she got to make a comic that didn’t have to have fight scenes or conflict in it. But reading Typhoid it’s clear how conflict ties the story’s disparate threads together. But also while reading Typhoid I kept on thinking about how visually, the Steve Lightle shit that preceded it is so much cooler! Here he is, bifurcating a page so two narrative threads can be told with different approaches to stoytelling:

People sometimes talk about how crazy it is that Nocenti started her Daredevil run immediately following up the Miller/Mazzucchelli Born Again run with a fill-in drawn by Barry Windsor-Smith. But I don’t think anyone has pointed out that, since these Typhoid Mary team-up comics appeared in Marvel Comics Presents, she’s basically following up Barry Windsor-Smith’s Weapon X, and Steve Lightle is totally capable of doing that! Even if these comics are kinda whatever narratively, Nocenti comes up with dense enough narratives to give him shit to do. She’s a good writer within the context of the harsh strictures of early nineties mainstream comics. Which I know seems like a harsh diss! But being a writer that makes work that consistently gives a comics artist something interesting to do is a difficult job that many people are just not interested in doing for various reasons, so it should be recognized when it’s attempted and accomplished.

It’s also interesting that the whole visual approach where both Steve Lightle and Barry Windsor-Smith shine is dependent on flat color. The changes in storytelling made to accommodate the shifts in visual language in full-color mainstream comics didn’t really benefit anyone, and now needs to be outsmarted. In The Seeds, we’ve got this pretty dull reading experience that superficially in its two-color print job and nine-panel grid, looks like it might be influenced by Mazzucchelli’s work in Rubber Blanket and City Of Glass. And we’ve got a black and white Barry Windsor-Smith comic coming out from Fantagraphics in a few weeks that I really hope blows it out of the water.