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choi-hae · 1 month ago

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Kenny’s Top Music of 2024!

Oh boy, it’s that time of year again - where I listened to too much music and now I’m making myself choose what the best ones (in my opinion) are but I’m bad at making decisions. Obviously I didn’t listen to everything, that would be impossible, but I did my best and honestly a lot of my picks will not be surprising. I’m very predictable.

This year’s list is similar to last year’s, in terms of categories. But I think choosing was a bit easier than last year’s. Still hard obviously because I simply love too much of what came out this year, but the way my lists are structured, I believe it includes most of everything I loved from this year.

The rules I put upon myself in terms of choices are similar to years past, but please take note of them before reading further. Thank you in advance for reading my list!

RULES:

If an album was chosen for top album (group or solo), I tried to choose a different title from a different album OR a completely different artist all together for top title track (group or solo) to showcase as much variety as possible (and to challenge myself). If an album was chosen, it can be assumed I love all, if not most, of the songs on that album anyway.

Top b sides are okay to chosen from top albums, as it only makes sense, and there can be multiple from a single artist but only ONE SONG per album.

None of these lists are in any particular order. It’s hard enough to choose top of anything, let alone put them into a numbered order.

And with that, here's my top music of 2024!

Top 6(+1) Group Albums/EPs

ATE - Stray Kids

Are we surprised? Another no skip album from SKZ. Even the festival version of the title track is fire. There’s not too much to say on the matter other than that I love every song so of course it had to be here. I’m in this Stay shit for life.

GOLD - ITZY

Lia is back! Not only do I adore all the new songs on this album but they gave us “Final Ver.” of all the group tracks from Born To Be, and it just makes it all feel so complete. That fact alone makes this a top album for me. Plus the double titles were both amazing while being completely different vibes.

Killin’ It - P1Harmony

Their first full album and what a banger. Every track is unique but is completely their style. Getting to see a lot of these songs live obviously gave me a bigger appreciation but even without that fact, I love every single song on this album.

Armageddon - aespa

Another first full album and another case of every song is unique but suits the members’ vibes so well. No skips, I adore every song. The double title tracks were perfect for promotions. I love that they gave us a lot of short preview videos as well during the lead up to release.

Troubleshooting - Xdinary Heroes

THIS ALBUM! Again, another first full album but holy shit, these guys really found their sound with this one. The emo rock vibes throughout while still having each track have its own flair. Incredible. And the vocals! Play this album at my funeral. Bury me with it.

CRAZY - LE SSERAFIM

Choosing between this one and EASY was tough but I chose CRAZY because the b sides just hit more somehow. Even the intro track setting the vibe for the entire EP, this one has such a hype factor. I loved it.

Fe304: BREAK - NMIXX

This one blew me away. I love these girls, I love their music, but there’s always at least one or two b sides I don’t vibe with. But this one, no skips. They hit this shit outta the park, for real. I could listen to this album all day.

Top 6 Solo Albums/EPs

rosie - Rosé

My girl. She’s finally here. Her artistry has always been incredible to me and it shows in this album. It feels like she was finally let free and poured her everything into it. I adore her and her music. This album was beyond fantastic.

Sir.Robert - Bobby

His first album since Lucky Man and what a follow up. All the songs are bangers and bops. Everyone knows Bobby for his hard rap tracks, but this album includes so many of his softer tracks and it’s a vibe I love to see from him.

NA - Nayeon

I can’t believe how good this album is but also I can because it’s Nayeon. What a queen, what it girl energy. Her last one was good but this one, never skip. Every song is a 10/10 and I could listen to it forever. I love it so much, I even bought it, and I don’t own a single Twice album.

TEN - Ten

This album proves that when you set this man free, he makes magic because god damn. Every song is a bop and each one makes you wanna move, as to be expected from a dancer. Since it seems like WayV has had more releases this year, I hope we get more Ten solos as well.

Fake Happy - Seori

A short little EP but a good one. As always, her voice is so calming and honestly I love anything she releases. But this one has some great relatable messages throughout it, in both the title and b sides. It’s one of the things I love most about her music.

Element - BM

Congrats to BM and his first EP! And what a banger EP it is. This man will always be in his fuckboy era and maybe that’s where he’s meant to be because he’s good at this vibe. What a freak (affectionate).

Top 6 Hip-hop/R&B Albums/Singles

dopamine - Junny

I love when my boy Junny releases an album. There’s a whiff of fuckboy energy in this one but it’s played off with enough rizz that it suits him super well. His voice will always bring my joy and happiness. We love a Canadian.

Yours Truly - Camo

My girl, my angel, my queen. An album release is always a blessing. There’s a lot more R&B vibes this time around and I love it. There’s not much to say - I love her and her voice and her artistry. 10/10.

16 Fantasy - Lee Young Ji

I think this is her first EP? Which is crazy. I feel like she’s been killing it for years, and this project is no exception. It’s so unequivocally her. I first saw her like four years ago on the Good Girl program and to see how far she’s come, it’s really amazing.

3:33 - Dean & FKJ

Dean giving us one single project every year but you know what? I’ll take it. I adore this one. It’s everything I want out of a track from him, and it’s only two tracks. The piano, his vocals, and a slight chill beat. Bless.

SPOT! - Zico & Jennie

An insane collab but also another Zico bop. Like if Zico made it, it’s gonna bang. Put Jennie on the feature, it’s a certified classic. Their chemistry is incredible and it seemed like they had fun doing it too. So I have fun listening to it.

Domino - SAAY

This one came out of nowhere for me but my god, is it beautiful. Her voice is phenomenal and the track itself is dark and bass-y, really contrasting her lighter tone. But girlie also has range. I would love more like this from her.

Top 6(+1) Girl Group Titles

Mr. Vampire - ITZY

This was my top song on Spotify and YouTube Wrapped this year, and rightfully so. When this song dropped, I was obsessed with it. Honestly, I’m still obsessed with it. That silly flute sound and the playful vibes. AND I got to see it live this year. It had to go on the list, for sure.

EASY - LE SSERAFIM

You know me, I love a song that makes me feel like a bad bitch. But Easy is that subtle bad bitch vibe that makes you feel like you could take on the world by barely lifting a finger. Hence the title. Also the choreo slaps. They murdered it with this one.

Heya - IVE

THIS SONG. As soon as I heard it, I said SOTY. When that bridge moved into Yujin’s high note and then the final chorus drops, it’s like a dopamine shot to my brain. Inject this song into my veins, seriously.

Whiplash - aespa

Another subtle bad bitch for me. Runway energy. Also the styling for this era was incredible. Honestly, the concept elevates the track for me a lot. This era also made me realize I bias Giselle. So it’s a good one for sure.

Cosmic - Red Velvet

It’s a Red Velvet song, what can I say really? Cosmic does feel special though. Wendy’s final high note that moves into the chorus really make me feel like I’m flying. And it has that overall retro vibe. It’s such a beautifully made song.

Howling - XG

One thing XG is good at is mixing hard rap with beautiful melodies and this is THAT song. The raps are fantastic but it’s really those melodies in the pre chorus and chorus that pulled me in. Also a new entry for the K-pop cat/dog scale.

Super Lady - (G)I-DLE

I added this one as my plus one pick because A) bad bitch energy, and B) I honestly think this was (G)I-DLE’s best era. A full album era will always hit harder and this is no exception. Super Lady is their Beyoncé era.

Top 6 Boy Group Titles

Walkin’ On Water - Stray Kids

Hip-hop is Stray Kids and Stray Kids is hip-hop. It’s one of the genres SKZ does best, aside from their own of course. And I love when they talk their shit. “When you’re sinking, I’m fishing”? “Say hello to Nemo ‘cause I can’t see”? Insane.

Ice On My Teeth - ATEEZ

If you know me, you know I love a classical piece on a hip-hop track. The blend of classical and hip-hop is quite literally perfect on this one. The concept itself is amazing too. ATEEZ can master any vibe but this one suits them incredibly well.

Deja Vu - TXT

It’s true what they say - any song called Deja Vu is gonna be a bop. This is another song for me where the melodies carry. The song itself is just so well made, and the rock style break down for the dance break is amazing.

Sad Song - P1Harmony

Piwon only makes bops, I swear. How can they make me dance to a song about being sad? The first comeback after I saw them live and it makes me wish this song had come out before their tour. I love it so much.

Nallina - NEXZ

A new boy group, and they’ll appear later as well, but this song really surprised me. It’s very laid back but upbeat and fun. It’s hard for me to get into new groups most times but these guys make some fun music and their choreography is always stellar.

Giant - Stray Kids

Another SKZ entry. I have many reasons to include it; 1) it’s a good song, 2) they’re talking their shit again, 3) it came out right after HYBE called them short, 4) Han’s silly sneeze rap, 5) “do ra me fa, king giant”. Do I need to say more?

Top 6 Solo Titles

Shopper - IU

This song is so incredible, and it is heightened by the music video a bit. It feels like an experience. And as a girlie who loves retail therapy, the song itself kind of speaks to me. AND it’s an IU song. Can’t go wrong.

Like A Flower - Irene

The vibe of this song is immaculate. We love an afro beats dance-y type track. The concept of comparing one’s self to a flower has always been my favourite too. As a solo debut, I wasn’t expecting this for her but it suits her so well.

LURE - I.M

The only music Monsta X related music release this year, and it was a great one. The laid back R&B vibe suits his voice so well, so this vibe wasn’t surprising but it was appreciated. The lyrics are also kinda wild but that’s what I love about him.

Freak - Yuqi

Another one that’s heightened a bit by the music video. We love a “it’s okay to be weird” kind of message in a song too. When it comes to solos, Yuqi really knows her sound and what works for her.

Letter To Myself - Taeyeon

This song felt very uplifting and hopeful, which is a feeling I’m needing going into the new year. What else can I really say about this? It’s a Taeyeon song so of course it’s high quality. I really love the more down to earth vibe she’s been going with lately.

Mona Lisa - Soojin

I think this song was fantastic for her. The sound was perfect and it made it possible for her dancing to be showcased more than her debut. Just my opinion but this one felt so much more her and I hope she releases more in the new year.

SPECIAL: Band Comeback Mentions

DAY6 - Fourever & Bandaid

What can I say? Day6 came back from the military and killed it this year. Like objectively, they had multiple hit songs over their two albums and it’s so deserved. Personal favourites: Welcome to the Show, Happy, Get The Hell Out, Sad Ending from the Forever album, and Melt Down, Monster, I’m Fine from the Bandaid album.

ONEWE - OFF ROAD

They did have their EP earlier in the year, but I really loved this single album. Off Road is a great summer title coming out at the tail end of summer, but the two b sides on it were also super top tier to me. I think it came out at the perfect time too. Just enjoyable all around.

Rolling Quartz - Victory & RE:BOLD

One album and a single this year, and I believe they keep getting better. I liked Victory as an album but the RE:BOLD single is probably their best song to date for me. Something about it really showcases that energy I love from them but in a new way. It’s hard to explain but I really love it.

Xdinary Heroes - LIVE and FALL

Insane releases this year. I already included their full album above, but I have to mention this one. Similar to their Day6 seniors, they decided to do a single every month, just for about four months, before releasing them all with some b sides on an EP, and every song CRUSHED. So many different genres explored and they mastered all of them. Personal favourites: Save Me, Boy Comics, Feeling Nice, and Love and Fear.

Dragon Pony - Pop Up

A new k-band that surprised me a lot. The quality of their music is a lot higher than I expected from a new band. I know nothing about them other than that I am excited to hear what they do next. Personal favourites: Pop Up, Traffic Jam, and Ouroboros.

Top 6(+1) Boy Group B Sides

I Like It - Stray Kids

I like it. What can I say? I know there was the big thing about how it’s a situationship and whoa crazy, but like it’s just objectively a good song. It’s playful, it’s cute, it’s fun, I like the switch up when the instrumental kinda goes dark. It’s good.

Shaboom - ATEEZ

Reggaeton? In my K-pop?? I adore this song. It’s so unique and I’ve never heard anything like it in K-pop. I love ATEEZ for trying new genres like this because I think this in particular suits them super well.

Late Night Calls - P1Harmony

I’m still bitter they didn’t do this one on tour. It’s one of those fun dance-y tracks but not like big dance, more like groove. Does that makes sense? It makes me happy. It makes me wanna move. It’s easily a favourite from them.

Bounce Back - Stray Kids

I love when SKZ talks their shit. And I love when Han talks his shit. We love a Han track. Seriously though, this song feels good. Like I could run through a wall. And the whistle motif feels super nice in my ears. It’s a good diss track.

Higher Than Heaven - TXT

This song feels like serotonin. It makes me happy for some reason. I love the chorus when they go higher when they say “high”. It feels cathartic almost? I dunno. It’s hard to explain but it’s definitely a favourite.

Feeling Nice - Xdinary Heroes

This song is dopamine. I’m obsessed. Something about the bass line tickles my brain in the right way. Inject it into my veins. It’s probably their best song to date, and it’s a b side. That’s insane.

Falling Up - Stray Kids

Now I’m just being self indulgent but it’s my list so fuck you. I love this song. It’s definitely OST coded, because it’s an OST, but it stands so well as a SKZ song as well. I adore the vocals in it, I love the guitar through the instrumental. It’s just lovely.

Top 6(+1) Girl Group B Sides

Love Is Lonely - NMIXX

This song is beautiful. NMIXX is incredibly strong in some many areas, but most people talk about their performance and dancing. But I’d argue that their vocals are just as strong, if not stronger. And this song showcases that beautifully.

Sunflower - Red Velvet

Just another serotonin song. It’s upbeat, it’s fun and playful. I love the energy it gives me. And the fact that it’s called Sunflower makes it even better, iykyk. The chorus is my favourite part, the way they’re like calling out together. It makes the build up feel so gratifying.

Flight, Not Feelings - aespa

WOW, this song. When I first heard it, I was confused. Like I didn’t understand the beat, but a couple listens later and I knew it was my favourite on the album. I love boom bap, combined with their lovely vocals. It’s fantastic.

Bad Girls R Us - ITZY

It’s cheeky, it’s playful. I love when the guitar comes in. The genre bending it does is super fun to listen to. I think ITZY always does this type of vibe super well. Their strong songs are good, but these fun melodic b sides are always their best to me.

Right now - NewJeans

I love a drum and bass track. It’s literally my favourite genre of music. NewJeans does this vibe super well. Their light vocals float over the fast beat and it’s like perfection to me. Am I being dramatic? Oh well. I love this song.

Vision - (G)I-DLE

More drum and bass. What can I say? This was an early favourite in the year, no contest. I love the style of the instrumental obviously, but my favourite part is during the chorus when the girls are using a light higher vocal, you can hear a lower mumbled vocal underneath it just slightly and I think that adds a lot.

Smart - LE SSERAFIM

Phenomenal. The only downside to this song is that it wasn’t released in the summer. But it was definitely played in the summer. It’s a song that gets you moving, even if you don’t know how to move. Catch me shaking ass in the kitchen to this.

Top 6 Hip-Hop/R&B B Sides

Here We Go Again - Junny

Junny was really in his bag with this one. The instrumental is really fun and groovy, and it really lets his voice float over the top. I absolutely adore his lower tones in particular. It’s just an all around good song.

Wings - Camo

Like I mentioned above, this album was phenomenal. This song in particular is one of my favs - another drum and bass type beat. Her laid back rap over the kind of fantastical instrumental is just too lovely for me to ignore.

Kiss Me Now - Mirani

Something about the melody on this one. It’s so infectious and playful. The beat is bouncy. It’s just a genuinely fun song. I love when she’s does more sing-songy rap as well. I think it suits her style super well.

Sugar Rush - BIBI

This song is so damn fun. It’s an ass shaker. The lyrics are so good - one of my favs: “I don’t need a man for no dessert / I got popsicles in my freezer”. Girlie’s always got the best concepts, the best messages. And she gives me the bad bitch feeling I need to survive.

EGO - Camo

It’s the instrumental on this one. It’s pretty minimal all things considered but I like the vibe. It’s slow and smooth. I have a chill vibes playlist and this song would definitely go on it. Actually, it probably already is.

figure8 - Junny

This song feels safe. Does that makes sense? It’s the acoustic vibe, his voice, the lyrics. Everything about it feels like a hug on a cold winter day. You’re standing the the snow with your boo and you’re huddled together to keep warm while you wait for the bus. It’s lovely.

Top 6 Solo B Sides

Embers - BM

I adore this song so much. I love that he’s singing! We don’t get singing BM too often but I love it. This song showcases that a lot. It’s slow but groovy, and it’s still thotty like the rest of his album but it’s somehow sweeter than the rest.

drinks or coffee - Rosé

I’ll die if I don’t listen to this song at least once a day. Once again, a groovy song, a song that makes me wanna dance, that makes me want to fall in love at a bad party. Most of the songs on her album are a bit sad and slow, but this one is such a vibe.

Ups & Downs - Taeyong

I was pretty shocked when I heard this because I’m used to Taeyong from NCT. Which is good, I like him. But this song is so much more chill that what I’d heard in the past and I really enjoy it. I found it getting stuck in my head at random times.

Vermillion - Wendy

I liked a lot of b sides from her album but I found myself always coming back to this one. I mean, we all know she’s a phenomenal singer but paired with this kind of grand instrumental really caught my attention.

Lie With You - Ten

We love yearning. I feel it in my bones with this song. The upbeat instrumental but sad lyrics about loving someone you aren’t allowed to openly love. Star crossed lovers kinda track. I adore it.

Butterflies - Nayeon

Queen Nayeon, she can’t make a bad song. It was hard to just pick one from her album. It's cute, it’s fun. And she raps on this one! Which I love to see her playing all the parts on her solo pieces. Not much else to say, it’s just really good.

Top 6(+1) Collab Tracks

harmless - Bobby (feat. Chanmina)

They did this collaboration for ME SPECIFICALLY. When I heard this was dropping, I’m pretty sure I screamed. I love them both so much and their energies together is electric. Two idgaf rappers, it’s a collaboration made in heaven.

SICKUHH - NMIXX (feat. Kid Milli)

This was so unexpected but so appreciated. We know I adore NMIXX, and I’ve been listening to Kid Milli on and off for a couple years at this point. I think the girls killed the rap track and his feature added that extra spice. Plus it’s a Dem Joints beat.

Come Back To Me - Kang Daniel (feat. Chungha)

I love their voices together. End of sentence. It’s a collab that I never knew I needed. I think it’s the perfect track for them both to be on. It’s super minimal to let their voices shine. It’s perfect.

Butterflies - Camo (feat. pH-1)

Wow, Camo on the list again? And with pH-1 this time?? An obvious pick. I love both of these artists so much and their vibes match each other so well on a chill but bouncy track like this one.

Fraksiya - Mark Lee (feat. Lee Young Ji)

Mark Lee doing a for real diss track, and not against himself this time. And with Miss Young Ji?? Oh my goodness. He said with no rest time! He knows! It’s too good. Their chemistry is fire. I don’t need to spell it out for you.

Rush - Junny (feat. Bobby)

Junny again, but with Bobby this time, hello. Another unexpected collab but I’m never gonna complain when two of my favs get together and absolutely destroy a track. This one is laid back and a lil sexy tbh, and they both sound awesome on this one.

DND - Young Posse (feat. BM of KARD)

I love this one, mostly because BM making and hopping on the track with his lil sisters is cute af. But also this song is just really pretty. The girls have super lovely voices for being advertised as a rap group, and BM’s feature adds a nice little flair. It’s fun.

Top 6(+1) Singles

Only One - VCHA

I feel sad considering everything that’s in the news surrounding these girls. This song released and I felt like it was their best so far. I’m very heartbroken to hear how they were treated, what they went through, and I hope they get justice.

Sticky - Kiss Of Life

Song of the summer, easy. These girls are so damn talented and I love that they’re bringing grown women sexy back into K-pop, reminiscent of Sistar and older Mamamoo. It’s so fun and we need more iconic summer bops like this.

distraction - AleXa

I kind of hate that the reason I love this song is because I relate to it 100%. These lyrics are almost word for word what I wish I could’ve told myself when I was in my previous relationship. I wish I had this song back then. Shit.

Ride the Vibe - NEXZ

This is the song that made me go, “oh these guys have a good vibe”. I love the chill start and then switch in the drum and bass style. I will admit that it did confuse me at first but I quickly started to love it and I’m still obsessed.

Wait - Hyolyn

Song of the summer part 2. From the summer queen herself. And she got everyone shaking their asses with this one. I love it. It makes me wanna sit on a beach with a refreshing drink and just soak in the summer vibes.

Done - naevis

The debut of the first fully computer generated idol. The music video really blew me away - technology is wild, like how is she not real? You’re telling me the girl on the screen isn’t real?? But I’m also fascinated by the fact that her voice is an amalgamation of all the aespa girls’ voices. It’s all very interesting to me.

Diamond - TRI.BE

More tears from me on this one. The lyrics made me cry a lil bit. It’s a very sweet message, uplifting and nice to hear on a bad day. The instrumental is upbeat and fun - sticking to their overall vibe - but with a message that’s so wholesome, it could warm the darkest heart.

SPECIAL: Rookie Mentions

Young Posse

These girls fascinate me. They’re a rap heavy group and all their mainline MVs are like purposefully not well done, but well done, green screen/VFX heavy videos that kind of rip off the style of old GTA games? Like how’d they come up with the concept for these girlies?? I’m so interested in them even though their titles aren’t really my style. I love their b sides, I love their vibes. I’m curious to see where they go. Notable songs are DND, Scars, and Skyline.

NEXZ

They’ve appeared on this list a couple times already. I enjoy them a lot - their songs are good, they’re very good dancers, fun to watch. I think they’re likely going to go far being under JYP to a certain extent. But they also clearly have so much talent already that I’m excited to see what else they come out with. Notable songs are Ride The Vibe, Nallina, and Hard.

BADVILLAIN

I was so surprised to hear that Emma was debuting in a group. I really loved her on SWF, she’s such a talented dancer. And the rest of her group are also incredibly talented. The songs got the bad bitch energy I love. Their debut was so solid. There’s not a single song by them that I don’t like. I’m so excited to watch their journey. Notable songs are Yah-ho, Hurricane, and +82.

82MAJOR

Now I haven’t listened to them much but I was drawn in by the fact that P1Harmony Keeho’s little brother is in this group. Their songs are fun, really unique in certain ways. They’re great dancers. I’ve liked what I’ve seen so far and I’m curious to see what else they do. Notable songs are First Class, Choke, and Stuck.

MEOVV

I think these girls are powerful. They are small, they are young, but they are powerful. They have a lot of talent - singing, rapping, dancing - and they’ve clearly trained for a while. I was super impressed by their debut. I think they’ll definitely go far. Being under the Black Label, I just hope they get consistent comebacks. Notable songs are Meow, Body, and Toxic (their only songs, lol).

Top 6(+1) MVs

Love Wins All - IU

I cried. Multiple times. For like a month. Every time I saw this video, I couldn’t help but cry by the end. Serious props to IU and V for their acting. I really felt like I was watching this tragic tale of two people who care for each other so much and want to be happy so bad, but death follows them no matter how much they run. The world building in a relatively short music video is impressive. They show you very quickly how everything works, why the characters are running, what their dreams are and how those dreams can never be possible. The story matches IU’s beautiful vocals so much. They weave together to paint this tragedy. And by the end, when the characters meet their end, you really feel for them. You feel their love for each other, whether it be romantic or platonic - I know some interpretations vary. It’s just so incredibly well put together from start to finish. The first masterpiece of the year for me.

One Spark - Twice

I cried again. Shocking? Not really, hear me out. Even if you’re not a huge stan of Twice, you know their impact. Their journey. How special they are. And if you know K-pop, you know a lot of groups don’t make it as long as Twice has - 2025 will be their 10th year. So when this music video came out, it’s this triumphant call out that they’re still here, they’re still going, they’ve only just hit their golden days, and they don’t plan on stopping. These are women who truly love what they do, they love each other and what they’ve accomplished, and there’s no end in sight for them. And that’s plainly illustrated by the count-up on the elevator throughout the music video. Starting at their debut date, going up to 2024 - the music video’s release date - before changing to say “timeless”. Twice is timeless - an endless flame, an everlasting blast. They sparkle beautifully and will shine forever. And they won’t let you forget it.

Armageddon - aespa

So I’ve talked about storytelling thus far in these music videos. Let’s talk about effects enhancing story. This music video, and this era even, was insane for aespa. They leaned into this dark horror concept, but still stuck to their roots with AI. And yes, that’s a sore subject when it comes to art and video. But this video is clearly an example of AI done right. The scenes in this music video aren’t AI generated, but AI assisted to achieve the vibe and feeling they want for their storytelling. The VFX team used AI tech to enhance the visual effects to create images that are creepy and off-putting almost. Which matches where their story is leading. If you know a bit about aespa lore, you know that at this point in their story, the computer/AI world and the real world are mixing when they shouldn’t be. And that creates these distorted images, faceless bodies, butterfly monsters and sirens. The use of VFX in this way is the reason the story feels chaotic and “is this the same story?”, but that’s the point. It’s a new era with new tech and it’s done beautifully.

JJAM - Stray Kids

At first, this video doesn’t seem like anything special. It’s a silly music video for a b side off their main album of the year. So why is it here? Editing and cinematography. Every cut and camera move is motivated by the music and in a lot of cases, that’s what a music video should be. Yes, it’s telling a story. But the story would be diminished if the editing was off or the camera movements didn’t match. It makes the whole experience more satisfying to the eye, whether you realize it or not. During Changbin’s first verse, the cuts and push ins with the camera match his cadence. When Hyunjin is mopping the floor with slime, his movement stutters along with the instrumental. When the beat drops and the choreography starts in the chorus, they use speed ramps and light flashes during the bass drops to accentuate the movements, to make the impact feel bigger. It’s those little choice that really make the video feel just a bit spicier, you know?

Howling - XG

I could’ve chose any of XG’s MVs to go here - Woke Up, IYKYK, Something Ain’t Right - because every XG MV is going to have insane VFX that are just mind blowing. But I decided on Howling because of how editing is utilized to compliment the song because I think it’s really well done. When I talked about this song above in the title track section, I mentioned that it’s got strong raps and beautiful melodies that blend perfectly, and they show that in the edits visually. Almost to the point where it could be too much for some. What I mean by that is, we start with a rap section - it goes Cocona, Jurin, Harvey, Maya. The editing increases in speed as we move through each member, Harvey’s section being the most chaotic (almost unwatchable), then starting to slow down again during Maya, before it’s slowed to hardly any cuts for the vocal members’ sections in the pre chorus, then picks up to a normal cutting speed for the choreography scenes in the chorus, and then speeding up again with Jurin when the rap comes back in. Rinse and repeat for that verse. It’s like a rollercoaster, and it matches the song beautifully, adding to its overall impact, and probably why this is my favourite song from them to date.

Zombie - Everglow

Can you believe this was their only release this year? Illegal. Anyway, I love this video. It’s haunting, just like the song. The visual storytelling is fantastic. The unhinged laugh to start off. The all white room in white outfits and white hair. The lighting feels overbearing and bright, which is a huge contrast from the darkness of the song. The acting is fantastic as well - the obsessive nature over the phones which symbolizes this love they had that turned them into zombies - a super creative way to show this kind of toxic obsessive love. The wind blowing to symbolize the insanity, the unrest. The dial tone paralleling a flatline, phone cracks and bleeds, showing the death of this love. The stark white room being splattered in blood for the final chorus. But also the yandere aspect to the song itself saying, “you drove me crazy and you might think this love is dead but I’ll keep coming back for you like a zombie.” I think visually and thematically, everything is so cohesive and strong. What a phenomenal drop to be their only one of the year.

Railway - Bang Chan (Stray Kids)

Now hear me out. Yes, he’s attractive. But aside from that, the quality of this music video is insane. And mind you, it’s a solo b side on a special album, not even a mainline album. My jaw hit the floor when I watched it for the first time, simply because it was so unexpected. All the solo MVs were great up to this point, but Chan’s exceeded all expectations. The colour grading is so gritty and fantastical - really like you’re being transported into this different world. The acting is insane - I knew he could act but I didn’t know it was that serious. Like get him in a k-drama asap. The way the sound effects blend so well with the track itself - it was like the music was made with the music video in mind for it to blend so seamlessly. The editing as a whole is so attention grabbing, captivating, chaotic and hungry - the moment you think you know what’s going on, it throws you for a loop. And that can be said for the story as well. I’ve loved to see how Stays are interpreting it online - Chan has a way of showcasing these struggles he has with his own mind, his own psyche, in a way you don’t expect. It was the same with Red Lights. Everyone thought this was a sexy toxic love song, and maybe it is, but maybe not in the way you first thought. My interpretation is that, like everyone, he has two sides to him - one side he considers bad, and another that tries to keep that side tied down, even if he’s maybe drawn to that “bad” side of himself. And sometimes the “bad” Chan escapes, reeking havoc, until he gets it under control again. And that’s the train that never sleeps. The unending ride that is his own psyche. It’s so relatable and fantastic. I am in awe at his creative genius every day.

If you've read this far, thank you for your time! I'd love to hear what your favourites of the year were. Do we have similar choices? Are they completely different? Did I miss a song that you absolutely loved? Feel free to let me know! I'm always open to listening and talking about all music.

And that's the end of music in 2024. It's been a good one, seriously. Again, I definitely missed lots because there's just so much that comes out all the time. I feel incredibly lucky to live in a time where I can listen to so many incredible things and where the possibilities for music are endless. I can't wait to see what 2025 will bring! 💕

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cruesuffix · 17 days ago

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Ranking Crüe Albums

Because it’s their anniversary and I want to do something special for the band who’s currently keeping me sane!<3

(Warning: this is an extremely long post so… you’ve been warned!! For those choose to continue reading, I hope you enjoy this, and please don’t crucify me for my opinion!)

Today, I will be ranking the first five Crüe albums, because I can’t rank them all in one post… plus, maybe no one wants to know my thoughts on the later albums. To the Crüe, happy anniversary you old bastards!! sorry I couldn’t send a card or anything!!

Too Fast For Love

Too Fast For Love was the bands first studio album. The one that started it all, it would only take two more years after this was recorded to see the band hit superstardom. When listening to this album, I can automatically see why that was the case. Chock full of punk hits and gritty songs, this to me is quintessential Crüe. I know everyone pinpoints ‘Shout’ as the “Mötley Crüe sound,” but to me, this is it. Singles include: Live Wire and Stick To Your Guns. Anyways, here’s a play by play of my thoughts on each song:

Live Wire: This is what mostly everyone thinks when they think of the Crüe. This is the song that started it all, and boy what a great start it is! From the opening riff to Vince’s epic high note, this song is the best example of the band I can think of. What else can be said about such an iconic track? It’s timeless, unforgettable and guaranteed to make you stop everything to just listen to it the whole way through. A fast paced track that’s bound to get you jumping, at least it made me get hype the first time I listened to it! This to me is the perfect way to start an album. My ranking: 9.7/10

Come On And Dance: I might get flack for this one (and so soon in my ranking!) but… while this song is really good, it’s not one of my favourites on this album. Maybe it’s just me (it is!!) but I’m fine with it playing in the background but… I wouldn’t put it in my top ten… or my top twenty. Still, I can admit when it has its good moments, and it’s by no means a filler track (we’ll talk about that a bit more later). My ranking: 6/10

Public Enemy #1: Now this is a song I would put in my top twenty! It’s fun, fast and catchy: exactly what I like in a song. Oh! And also… cowbells. I am a complete sucker for a good cowbell moment. At least… when done correctly like Tommy does in this song. I know they played this song a lot in the early days, but you’ll see as we continue just how many songs off this album they stopped playing once they hit the end of the ‘Shout’ days into ‘Theatre of Pain.’ My ranking: 7.8/10

Merry Go Round: I am completely biased here. This is the song that really forced me to truly dig deep into Mötley Crüe’s discog. We’ve all heard the big hits, we all know what that’s like, but before last year, I hadn’t really dug that deep into their entire discography. Only the hits. So, when I heard this play towards the start of ‘The Dirt,’ I fell in love. What a melancholic and melodic song this one is. So beautiful, with lyrics that kind of pierce my heart. I owe this song my entire life actually and I will be selling my possessions to it (kidding…but still!). Also… that solo,,, absolutely spectacular!! Thanks for going crazy on this one Mick!! my ranking: 10/10

Take Me To The Top: Another classic track from this album. My go to song when I need to just dance it out, also a fun song to lip sync along to! This is a song that’s usually guaranteed to get stuck in my head all day, that’s how iconic it is to me. (I apologize from now I will be saying iconic a lot… that’s just how I feel about this band.) Also the solo is amazing, though it is said that this solo was used in ‘Running Wild in The Night’ and ‘Why’re You Killing Yourself?’ One being a song that was probably set to be used on the ‘Shout’ album, the other was an unreleased track from their early days, most likely repurposed into TMTTT. ‘Running Wild’ was never released so I guess we’ll never know how that song would have worked out. My ranking: 8/10

Piece Of Your Action: Another one of my favourites. For some reason I just think Vince’s voice suits the song so perfectly. The solo is also pretty top notch, but then again this album is full of memorable guitar solos so… I’m probably going to sound like a kiss ass throughout this review. If you haven’t noticed yet… this is my favourite album of theirs… but for a good reason! My ranking: 9.5/10

Starry Eyes: Now, if Merry Go Round kickstarted my obsession with this band, Starry Eyes cemented it. You can’t help but bop your head to this one! Oh, and another kick ass solo from Mick! I think this one is a bit under appreciated, and it deserves more hype in my opinion! Then again, there’s a lot more songs I feel we should be appreciating… some of which may be controversial?? You’ll see! My ranking: 10/10

Too Fast for Love: Surprisingly, this wasn’t a single. I would have put out a different single aside from ‘Stick To Your Guns’ to be honest with you, and ‘Too Fast for Love’ would have been a contender. Then again… when it comes to songs that should go on an album, the Crüe really fumble the bag sometimes. You’ll see. Either way, this is a really great track, well it’s the title track, it should be good! Not to toot Mick’s horn every single time but, they’re not lying when they call him the riff master. There’s so many examples of it on this album, but I just want it to be known from now. My ranking: 8.5/10

On With The Show: Honest to god, this song resonates with me so much. From the depths of my soul, I love this song in such a crazy way. It’s just this weirdly hopefully sad song. Sad as in wistful at least. Especially when they brought back during their Red, White, and Crüe tour after not playing it live for such a long time. That must have been a treat for the old crueheads! I view this as the quintessential Crüe track, like that’s a good introduction to the band if I ever heard one. If I ever have the honour of picking up an instrument and learning to play it, I want this song to be the first Crüe song I learn to play. My ranking: 9.8/10

Toast of The Town: A more upbeat and actual hopeful track, it’s not the worst song on this album (there is none!), but it’s also not one of my favourites. Still, it’s the cutesy upbeat tone that makes me unable to skip it whenever it comes on! My ranking: 7/10

Tonight: The bands first cover of a bunch more to come! And what a damn good one too! Sure, I’ve never actually listened to the original… but do I have to? I think the Crüe owns this song personally. I hate repeating this but there’s so much nostalgia in this album for me, like sure I wasn’t there when the band put this album out… but every time I listen to it I feel like I was. Ok… enough of the tangent. This is a great song, a great cover and I think for the most part… they used to eat with their cover songs! My ranking: 10/10

Stick To Your Guns: Funnily enough, the history with this song is weird. When TFFL first came out, Stick To Your Guns was on it. When they released it under their own label ‘Leathür Records,’ the song was on the original pressings for the album, but when they re-recorded it for Elektra Records, the song was omitted. If I remember correctly, from what I heard (from Mick), was that Nikki had sold the song to Rodney Bingenheimer. Of course, take that with a grain of salt cause I can’t remember exactly what he said about the song or why Nikki sold it… but it would explain why the song got removed from the album and why it took so long for them to recover it to put on the deluxe version of the album. Besides all that lore, the song is pretty good, and just the opening bit with the cowbell and guitar chord is killer. My ranking: 6/10

Honorable Mentions:

- Nobody Knows What It’s Like To Be Lonely (also known as I’ve Got The Power): So… I love this song. I understand why it didn’t make the album, but I recently heard a sped up version (aka a recreation of what it should sound like), and… god I love this song. This still would have been nice as a single. Mind you, the slowed down version is nearly seven minutes long, with the sped up version being just two minutes shorter than that.

- Why’re You Killing Yourself?: Another cute little track. Maybe this one could have made the album if they… changed all the lyrics and the name lmaoooo!! Oh… and that pesky guitar solo… well, we could fix that up too I guess. It’s weird cause sometimes I like their unreleased songs more than the ones that replaced them.

- Two Timer: Surprisingly I haven’t heard this one! I know they performed this one a lot in the early days, and it probably would have made it on the album hadn’t everyone clocked that it was a cover! Yes, apparently this song was a cover too. I’ll listen to it and figure out if I would have added it to the album.

My overall score for this album, out of twenty is: 20/20 (sorry, I am biased I love this album the most.)

Shout At The Devil

Shout At The Devil was the band’s second album, and a foray into heavy metal. This is the album that skyrocketed them into stardom. There was plenty of controversy behind this album, with all the satanic imagery starting a campaign against heavy metal as a whole. In a way, you can thank this album for the ‘parental advisory” stickers that plagued the cover of explicit albums beyond the years. Still, this album is chock full of the bands greatest hits, and other killer tracks. Singles include: Looks That Kill and Too Young To Fall In Love. Here’s my opinions on the tracks:

In The Beginning: Now, this is just an intro to the album. An atmospheric one, and it definitely sets the tone for the album, especially with the quick transition into the first song. Dark, with that message to rise up against whatever oppresses you. My ranking: 10/10 only because I like a good intro.

Shout At The Devil: The title track, and the most beloved song the Crüe has to offer. This, of course, is for good reason. This song, and album, was a great way to push back from detractors and scare the general public that refused to understand them. Aside from the controversy, this song just kicks the most epic of ass. Tommy’s pounding drums, the riff that just cuts right through you… everything about this track kills. It’s like a marching song for the masses, excited to rip everything apart. Also… when we talk about this song, let’s just forget the ‘97 remix doesn’t exist! My ranking. 10/10

Looks That Kill: Another fan favourite, and the first proper music video of theirs. I don’t really have much to say except that it’s a great song and there’s a reason it got its own music video. As I edit this (cause I’m finding a lot of mistakes as I read this), I think I should just add a bit more. I think this is a lot of fans introduction to the band. This song a perfect anthem for the band in my opinion, there sound was fully curated by this song, and while we’ll see plenty more fan favourites as we go on, this song is undoubtedly the band’s definitive sound. My ranking: 9.8/10

Bastard: This song has its own controversy to it. It was specifically targeted by the PMRC, due to its lyrics. This song is also very obviously about Alan Coffman their first manager, who they parted ways with as soon they signed with Elektra. No matter what happened behind the scenes, that situation gave us this absolute killer song and I’ll always be thankful of that. Maybe they should have been allowed to… ok nevermind. My ranking: 9.9/10

God Bless the Children of the Best: This is essentially a Mick solo track and how fucking beautiful it is!! The combination of acoustic guitar and electric guitar is quite pleasing to my ears. Also including the most beautifully haunting guitar solo I’ve ever heard. Personally I think they should have let Mick do this style of interlude for every album. you know me though, I’m Mick biased… so my wants are probably not shared by others. My ranking: 10/10

Helter Skelter: Another cover for the Crüe! As the band swiftly forayed into heavy metal, this song was ultimately a great idea to add to the album. Helter Skelter has been regarded as one of the songs to really popularize the growing metal movement (though some people go as far as to say it was the song that originated metal as a whole). So, it’s kinda obvious the Crüe would go on to cover it on their second album! Some people don’t like this cover but personally I love it. They do a great job at capturing that sort of chaotic energy of the original and cranking it to eleven. It also helps some of the members were already fans of the band. (Mick was very notably a fan of the band as a kid and even went as far as to start a Beatles cover band. Nikki, while being slightly critical of the band, named the ‘white album’ as one of his favourites) My ranking: 8.7/10

Red Hot: I would say this is one of, if not my favourite song off this album. I’ve always loved a good double bass moment, and Tommy’s double bass literally makes the whole song. I mean… it starts off the song! And the intro to this song is undeniably iconic. I also have to make mention of Mick’s solo in this one. It’s very memorable and… it’s just so beautiful to me, very melodic and just cuts through to my soul. My ranking: 10/10

Too Young to Fall in Love: Talk about another iconic intro! This is the second single off the album, and the second song on this album to have its own music video. Another fan favourite, unfortunately I’ve overplayed it a bit too much to really enjoy it much any more. I know this ranking is going to offend some! Don’t worry, one day I’ll revisit it! For now I need a good long break from hearing it in order to listen to it with fresh ears and a better perspective. My ranking: 6/10

Knock ‘Em Dead, Kid: Now, this one is a real kickass track. This song also has a part of the solo from Runnin’ Wild repurposed into this track. That is now two released songs that have taken things from Runnin.’ You’ll see as we go on that this song has some more connections to another released Crüe song. It makes sense though, as it feels like the Crüe were really trying their hardest to put that song out. I guess they just couldn’t remake it in a way they all liked. Overall, this song is just a real heavy, hard hitting song. My ranking: 8/10

Ten Seconds To Love: A real sleazy track that’s just one big innuendo. It leaves nothing to the imagination. The lyrics tell you enough, it’s extremely tongue in cheek. Other than that, this has one real good bass line, which is something I’ve always appreciated. Personally I think this is one of the only songs that really lets Nikki shine. It’s dirty, sleazy, and fun… all the things I love! My ranking: 7.5/10

Danger: I don’t think we talk about this song enough. The more I listen to it, the more I like it. It sort of grows on me. Of course, I get why it might not be a favourite, after listening to songs like ‘Red Hot,’ or ‘Looks To Kill,’ how could anyone remember this much slower and brooding track. To me, it feels like a song you listen to when you’re out on your balcony (one that overlooks the city btw) and smoke a cigarette while you look out at the scenery around you pensively. Yeah, it sounds weird but that’s just how I feel about it. My ranking: 8.5/10

Honourably Mentions:

- Runnin’ Wild In The Night: I’ve talked about this song almost extensively now. While it’s never been officially released, you can find this track on YouTube. Mind you the audio isn’t the best, though I have found versions that have tried to edit it the best they can. It’s a great track, and it would have been amazing to hear officially.

- Black Widow: A song a lot of older crueheads have probably already heard decades ago. The first time I’ve heard about it was during an interview with Mick and Nikki in the early 90’s. A fan asked a question about the track, and like usual, Nikki gave them a vague answer. This one was released on the 35th anniversary version of ‘Shout’ so, I guess that fan finally got what they wished for.

- I Will Survive: A pretty infamous track. This is another song I personally wish they would have released. The band talked about it in ‘The Dirt.’ This was the song where Nikki and Tommy (and possibly Vince as well) chanted “Jesus is Satan” backwards… which ended up sounding like “scrambled eggs and wine.” I’ve heard said track and I think it sounds more like gibberish! Fun fact: on the back of the album, there’s a warning message that mentions the album containing backwards messages. Not thinking anything of it, you might think that was probably just a ploy to get more people to buy the album because… well none of the songs on this album contain backwards messages. I can’t help but wonder if this was a song that nearly did make it on the album and that’s why that message was put onto the album. Just something I think about a bit.

Hotter Than Hell: If this sounds familiar, you’d be right. This was also supposed to be on this album, and luckily for us, we got to see it in another form on the next album. we’ll get into this one a bit more. I think you might get the gist of what I’m trying to say.

My overall score for this album: 19.8/20

Theatre of Pain

Theatre of Pain was the band’s third album, and the most contentious. There’s a lot to be said about the circumstances surrounding what happened before the album’s production and during it. Unfortunately, that is another story for another day. The album features two extremely successful singles, ones that still feature in commercials to this day. There is a lot of debate on this album, with it being panned by the band and most of their fans as their least favourite album. It’s seen now by many as, essentially, the bands collective mental breakdown. Now, if I may cut in here: I love this album. I absolutely love this album. Sure, there are certain songs that aren’t necessarily the best, but it’s an amazing album. I may lose some people here, and that’s totally ok. Just know, I’ll be trying to defend this album the best I can. Singles include: ‘Smokin’ In The Boys Room,’ ‘Home Sweet Home,’ and ‘Keep Your Eye On The Money.’ Let’s get into the tracks:

City Biy Blues: Out of the bat I feel I have to defend this song. Yes, I think this song is good. It’s a good song to start the album off with in my opinion. Sure, It’s obviously not as great as the other tracks on this album. Still…the cowbell makes up for it. If there’s one thing about me, it’s that I love a good cowbell moment. My ranking: 7/10

Smokin’ In The Boys Room: Another cover!! Yep, we’re still going here, and I’ll be the first to say it’s one that I’m more impartial to. This is a song that really got a really good reception. Its music video went platinum on MTV and the song topped the music charts. This song was actually supposed to be on TFFL, but when they tried to record it, they couldn’t get it together. Funnily enough, Nikki apparently hated the song, and especially hated playing it live, as opposed to Vince, who was the one who suggested they record the song again and loved playing it live. Personally, it’s not my cup of tea so I guess I have something in common with Nikki. My ranking: 5/10

Louder Than Hell: Remember what I said about Hotter Than Hell? Yep, it’s pretty much the same song, except they changed one singular word. Either way, this is a great song! It’s one of my favourites on the album. They played this song a lot for the TOP tour and I get why! This song is pretty groovy, and the solo?? Don’t get me started on that one! Not to kiss any ass here but I ascend every time I hear it. I don’t know why people shit on Mick’s playing when songs like this exist!! My ranking: 10/10

Keep Your Eye On The Money: The third single (yes there were three), though less successful than its predecessors. I noticed they performed this song a lot on the Girls’ tour. As someone who likes watching concerts from that era the most, I’ve been conditioned into liking this song because of that. It’s not even that bad! A nice bluesy groove, I can say I get down to this song regularly. I will thank Tacoma Dome ‘87 for influencing me into liking this one! My ranking: 8/10

Home Sweet Home: Now…who could ever forget this song? Probably the most notable Crüe song. A fan favourite to the max, this song went double platinum on MTV, became a staple at concerts, spawned covers (of course), and possibly overstayed on the charts a bit. But all of that is deserved. It’s just a nostalgic song about yearning to go back home after being away for so long. And also that iconic, soul stealing, awe inspiring solo deserves all the love and admiration. Thank you Mick, that solo never fails to make me shed a tear. My ranking: 10/10.

Tonight (We Need A Lover): I never cared for this song much until I listened to a radio interview with Tommy and Mick and this song played in between the breaks. Instead of just skipping through the song like I usually would, I decided to just listen to it. I know I need to have a more open minded approach to music, so I just sat there. There’s a great use of a keyboard synth thing in the background in the middle of the song. And then towards the end it speeds up and fades away. It’s great that I chose to give this song a second chance cause I ended up really liking it. My ranking: 8.8/10

Use It Or Lose It: Not that bad, like I said I love myself a good double bass moment! While it isn’t that bad, it also could be better. I will say it definitely sounds like a filler song. And that’s possibly the reason why so many people hate this album but… this is just one filler song so far, we’ve been hit with gold this entire time so far! My ranking: 7/10

Save Our Soul: Can I just say something: I LOVE THIS SONG!!!! Ok, thank you. I absolutely love this song! No one really talks about this song. I’ll be the first to say it’s the best song off this album hands down. “But Lily, what about ‘Home Sweet Home’???” SORRY I don’t care!! This is the best song off this album, no arguments! Now, you might remember when I talked about Runnin’ Wild In The Night, I said there was another song that took inspiration from that song. Well… surprise! This song is pretty much a rewrite of running wild in the night, well… at least the first verse is! Yep, they ripped off the first verse of Runnin,’ but that’s fine cause this song is killer either way! You know what it is? This song makes me feel like I’m walking down the streets of a barren dirty road, with violence and bloodshed all around me. And songs like that tend to make it to my playlist automatically. Weird imagery, but that’s just how I feel! My ranking: 10/10 (but if I could I’d give it an eleven.)

Raise Your Hands To Rock: A cute little ditty about… I don’t know, rock n roll?? Another one of my favourite cuts off this album. It feels like the perfect song for a rock road trip playlist. It’s even funnier when knowing this song caused Mick a bit of hell. He was stuck trying to figure out a good solo, so in his frustration he downed a bottle of wine and cranked out what you hear on the track. Suffice to say, I find it’s a pretty good solo so… wine 1 Mick 1! My ranking: 9.8/10

Fight For Your Rights: For me, this is a very… meh track. I was making fun of Use It for being a filler track, but at least it wasn’t a filler track that happens to be the last song on the album! I think that’s a no no in the world of rock (and music in general) Not the best way to end an album, but we take what we can get, right? My ranking: 5/10

Honourable Mention:

- Run For Your Life: Yes, this is actually a track made during the ‘Shout’ days, but it sounds like it could have been a ‘Theatre’ track… and I can name a bunch of songs they could have replaced with this one!

My overall score for this album: 17/20

Girls,’ Girls,’ Girls’

Girls,’ Girls,’ Girls was the bands fourth album. It spawned two very successful singles, one of which still plays in strip clubs to this day. This album managed to launch the group to number two spot on the billboard 200 chart. Their sound also changed drastically with this album, going for a more bluesy approach. Now, for the record… I think this was the band’s collective mental breakdown. The band was delving deeper into their own respective addictions and most of the time they were high/drunk during the recording of the songs. They weren’t exactly churning out the best songs, and even they had admitted that they weren’t putting out their best work and were only focused on writing two good singles for the album. Still, it’s not that bad of a record… but also it’s not one of my favourites. (Please put your pitchforks down!!) Let’s just get into the tracks now:

Wild Side: We start off exceptionally well with the hard hitting and blues ridden song ‘Wild Side.’ It’s so good I’ll forgive Nikki for getting inspiration for this song from his little catholic schoolgirl girlfriend… but remember, that’s only because this song kicks major ass. That completely sleazy guitar riff, the computerized beats and sounds… all of it is amazing. Won’t go as far as to say this is Nikki’s magnum opus, but it’s pretty damn close! My ranking: 10/10

Girls,’ Girls,’ Girls’: where would strip clubs be if the Crüe never made this song? Out of business of course! Sure, it’s purely objectifying and degrading to women but… if you let the feminism leave your body for a bit and just rock out, you’ll get the appeal of the song. It would have been even better if we had gotten to hear what that last little staccato riff would have sounded like if Mick didn’t fall out of his chair while recording it… alas, we didn’t so I’ll- no! I’m kidding I’m not taking points off for that!! My ranking: 10/10

Dancing On Glass: Just slight insight into the bands mindset during this time. Mainly inspired by Nikki’s own addictions, and his first overdose back in ‘84. It’s a great track, with a great vocal performance by Vince and background singer Brie Howard. I’ve also conditioned myself to like this song through various concert performances of the song. A very catchy song that occasionally gets stuck in my head at times. My ranking: 9.8/10

Bad Boy Boogie: And just like, we’ve hit a snag. It’s not a terrible song at all, but it’s definitely not a favourite of mine. I’ll say, looking back, I do think Mick’s bluesy riffs save this one. You can fully tell the blues bug had bitten Mick during this album, and no one was going to stop him this time! And thank god they didn’t. My ranking: 6/10

Nona: A beautiful, mainly instrumental track. The only lyrics to be heard are very self explanatory and to be honest, complete the track as is. This is a beautiful tribute to the woman who pretty much raised Nikki throughout his entire childhood. There’s a full instrumental version on the deluxe version of this album that’s just a bit longer and equally as good. My ranking: 9/10

Five Years Dead: Back to filler. The title comes from a book Nikki found at a used bookstore and read. The song has nothing to do with the book though, and I guess that’s a good thing. No other thoughts on this song… I told you this album was the band’s collective mental breakdown and all the filler we’ve already come across can tell you that. My ranking: 5/10

All In The Name Of…: Well… if you ignore the opening line, or that entire verse as a whole, it’s a pretty good song! Argue over the meaning of the song all you want, I only pay attention to the instrumental! Off the bat it’s fast paced and demands attention. There’s a good reason they started their Moscow peace festival set with this song! It gets the people going! (And by the people, I mean me!) my ranking: 9.9/10

Sumthin’ For Nuthin’: To end the album off… some more filler. This album isn’t my favourite… as you can probably tell, and this song is also my least favourite off this album. It’s got its good moments though, mainly the very bluesy slide guitar sort of solo from Mick and… yeah actually that’s it. It does sound good when you rediscover it after not listening to it for months! My ranking: 6.5/10

You’re All I Need: I have a love hate relationship with this song. I hate the lyrics, most of the song, the cheesy little piano in the background. But I love Mick’s solo for this song. His little riffs also happen to save the song for me. You can’t deny that ‘Home Sweet Home’ is the perfect rock ballad… but the rest of their ballads? Could have done without. The Crüe weren’t exceptionally great at writing ballads in my opinion but… there were so many other bands influenced to make shitty rock ballads so I guess they weren’t alone in that. My ranking: 6/10

Honourable Mention:

- Rodeo: If this song was on the album in the first place, I probably would give this album a greater score. This was the bonus track on the deluxe version of the album, and according to Mick’s daughter Stormy, it was between this song and You’re All I Need. In a just society, Rodeo made it onto the album and You’re All I Need faded off into obscurity. Ok… besides that though, this song is just incredible. A melancholic story of life on the road, feeling like you’re in a circus with no way of going home. My favourite part about this song is Mick making his guitar sing the chorus (“Rodeo! Rodeo!) along with Vince.

My overall score for this album: 16/20

Dr. Feelgood

Dr. Feelgood is the bands fifth album and the last one I’ll be reviewing today. This is their first album recorded after their brief hiatus and stints in rehab. It’s suffice to say they were pretty sober while recording this album. This album launched them to the top of the billboard 200 chart, their first (and only to do so). Producer Bob Rock had a very specific approach to producing that the band wasn’t used to, so there was a lot of tension in the studio. Along with the pressure of making an album that would top their last one. There’s five singles released for this album: title track ‘Dr. Feelgood,’ ‘Kickstart My Heart,’ ‘Without You,’ ‘Don’t Go Away Mad (Just Go Away),’ and Same Ol’ Situation (S.O.S.).’ Let’s just get right into it:

T.n.T (Terror ‘n Tinseltown): This is an introduction to the album, something that hadn’t been done since ‘Shout.’ Mainly atmospheric, with sirens and what sounds like a 911 call. This really sets the scene for the album, especially the first song. My ranking: 10/10

Dr. Feelgood: Of course, a quintessential song for the Crüe, everything about this song is amazing. Just the dark tone, purely hard hitting. The heavy groove of the bass and drums, the iconic guitar riff and solo. This was the perfect way to start an album that was supposed to be a clean slate for the band. My ranking: 10/10

Slice Of Your Pie: A very slow and mellow beginning before going straight to an extremely bluesy sounding song. This is to be expected, as Mick has his name written all over this album! I don’t really have much to say about this one actually, it’s a nice track. This would be the soundtrack for a beach trip for me. I can just imagine myself lazing in the sun as this blares out a little boombox. My ranking: 8/10

Rattlesnake Shake: Unfortunately I have to say I don’t like this song. It’s most likely due to the cheesy sounding horns on the song, as the riff is pretty good and the solo not that bad. Unfortunately the horns ruin whatever fun I would have had with that. The breakdown with just the drums and bass is also a good addition, but then we go right back to loud, obnoxious synths and it all just unravels. To me… this one’s a skip. Yep, that’ll ruffle feathers but, I can’t lie! My ranking: 4/10

Kickstart My Heart: With the Crüe, any song based on a real life experience is guaranteed to be a banger. ‘Kickstart’ is one of them. Another famous song of theirs, this one sounds like a machine kicking into gear. It’s fast paced chugging would get anyone’s heart pumping (ha!), it shows the band at their best. With all guns blazing and going out with a bang. This would be even better if the song that played after this one… didn’t play after this one. My ranking: 9.8/10

Without You: …Boring. Bland. Yawning. Yes, the meaning behind this song is cute, but if I was Tommy and Heather I would have asked Nikki to write a better song about us! There’s nothing saving this song, not even the cute slide guitar solo! And that’s saying a lot cause there’s plenty of songs Mick has saved with a good guitar solo. Reminder: this is the same band that put All In The Name Of.. on their last album. Do you really think I believe they can successfully record a beautiful sentimental ballad? NO!! My ranking: 4/10

Same Ol’ Situation: And we’re back to the good songs! This one’s extremely funny when you really pay attention to the lyrics. You’d never figure this band could hold some solidarity with the beautiful lesbians of this world. Cause… at the end of the day, we all go through the same thing with every sort of relationship! No matter what I’ll forgive them cause this song is a banger! My ranking: 10/10

Sticky Sweet: The opening riff is killer, I’ll admit it. Even if I don’t like this song that much, I will admit it’s pretty good. Notable guest backing vocals by Steven Tyler… this was compensation for Mick intruding on their recording of ‘Pump’ with his guitar. If you listen closely, you’ll hear him all over some of the tracks for that album. My ranking: 7/10

She Goes Down: A personal favourite of mine. Yes, the lyrics are questionable but… like I said, I don’t always pay attention to the lyrics! Do you really expect the band that put out such lovely ballads as ‘Girls,’ Girls,’ Girls’ to put out politically correct feminist lyrics?? Yeah… I just pretend Vince is singing gibberish and vibe. Anyways, the key change towards the end is also pretty gold to me. My ranking: 10/10

Don’t Go Away Mad (Just Go Away): There’s just so many good tracks on this album in my opinion. The breakdown towards the end where it just gets faster and louder… ugh I love it so much!! What really sold the deal for me was when I watched their performance at the 2008 pepsi music festival in Argentina. The crowd damn near lost it during this song, and when the breakdown started, they began jumping up and down like maggots. That’s the exact reaction I expect when I listen to this song. My ranking: 10/10

Time For Change: The bands ‘We Are The World.’ At least… in my mind it is! Question: does anyone else kinda hear the melody of 21 Guns when they listen to that last guitar riff thing at the end of the song?? Maybe it’s just me. Anyways, the song has a great message and it sounds great. A really good closer to the album in my opinion, just a nice little mellow feelgood song, something you can wave your lighters to. My ranking: 9.9/10

Honourable Mention:

- Get It For Free: anyone who’s been perusing this blog for a while now knows how I feel about this song. I briefly beefed with the band when this song got taken off Spotify for a while. Thankfully it was returned to me once the 35th anniversary for this album released. No more crash outs now that I can peacefully enjoy this song with no more interruptions. This should have been on the album and I can definitely name a song that could have been knocked off to make room for this one.

My overall score for this album: 20/20

AND THATS IT!! Thank you for coming on this journey with me. I know this was extremely long, but I just felt I had to do this, for both the bands 44th anniversary and for my 1 year anniversary of being a fan! I know it isn’t much, but I wanted to get my thoughts on their music out there, cause all I don’t really talk about it as much. I just needed to take the time to appreciate their music, and appreciate some of the songs I don’t always listen to. I have to thank the Crüe for their hard work and years of dedication to their fans and the music. No matter what, I love this band despite their transgressions and controversy. Like I said, I hope you enjoy this and I promise I’ll stop yapping soon!!

#mötley crüe #nikki sixx #mick mars #vince neil #tommy lee #80’s rock #review #44th anniversary means I get to yap!!#happy birthday my beloveds<333 #extremely long post #this are subject to change of course #hopefully I’ll learn to appreciate the girls album soon

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fyeah-chanyeol · 5 months ago

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Chanyeol, a member of EXO under SM Entertainment, is set to reveal his first solo album ‘Black Out’ today, August 28, at 6 PM KST on various music platforms. The music video for the title track ‘Black Out’ will also be released simultaneously on SM’s official YouTube channel.

The album includes six tracks: the title song ‘Black Out,’ ‘I’m on Your Side Too’ and ‘Clover’—both of which Chanyeol contributed to as a lyricist—along with ‘Hasta La Vista,’ ‘Ease Up,’ and ‘Back Again.’ This album promises a mix of new genres and familiar emotional tones unique to Chanyeol.

In an interview accompanying the album release, Chanyeol shared his thoughts and experiences:

Q1. How does it feel to release your first solo album after 12 years of debuting? Chanyeol: It feels refreshing and joyful. It’s been 12 years since I debuted with EXO, and I’m excited to show a new side of myself. I’m thrilled to finally present my solo album to EXO-L (EXO’s official fan club), who have been waiting for so long.

Q2. How would you describe your first mini-album ‘Black Out’ in one word? Chanyeol: I’d describe it as ‘beginning.’ Since this is my first solo album, I see it as the start of something new. I wanted to create music that I’ve always wanted to make, showcase concepts I’ve wanted to share with fans, and present a variety of charms. Please look forward to it!

Q3. Can you tell us more about the title track ‘Black Out’? What should we pay attention to? Chanyeol: The charm of ‘Black Out’ lies in the combination of melody, lyrics, and emotions. It’s a pop-rock track with a fast tempo, minimal acoustic guitar, and a lyrical synth melody. The lyrics compare the post-breakup experience to a ‘Black Out’—a time when everything feels like a mess, much like a phone screen that’s turned off without any notifications.

Q4. You participated in writing some of the lyrics for this album. Did you try anything new this time? Chanyeol: I usually combine my experiences with imagination when writing lyrics, but for this album, I focused more on my cherished memories. Since this is a solo album, I wanted to share more personal stories. For example, I wrote ‘I’m on Your Side Too’ while recalling the happiness I felt looking at EXO-L during performances, and ‘Clover’ was inspired by spending time with my dog, Jjaru.

Q5. You explored various genres for this album. Which one do you like the most? Chanyeol: It’s hard to choose just one (laughs), but I really like ‘Back Again.’ It’s an old-school hip-hop track with a strong rock base, and I think it shows off a new side of me. It was the first song I recorded for the album, and although it was challenging, it made me want to push myself even further.

Q6. You filmed the album jacket and music video entirely on location in Hong Kong. How was that experience? Chanyeol: It was a lot of fun (laughs). I fell in love with Hong Kong’s beauty all over again. We filmed mostly outdoors, exploring everything from the city center to lesser-known alleyways. I especially enjoyed shooting on a double-decker bus, taking in the city views as we went along.

Q7. You’ll be holding a live tour next week after the album release. Can you give us a sneak peek? Chanyeol: You’ll see both the sides of me that you’re familiar with and many new aspects as well. I’ve been preparing hard every day, so I hope you’ll love the album and the performances.

Q8. What did your fellow EXO members think of the album? Did they offer any support? Chanyeol: I played the songs for Suho, and he said he could tell how much effort and thought went into it. He told me he’s looking forward to it and cheered me on (laughs). We often talk about music, and his support always motivates me to work even harder.

Q9. Is there a moment in your life that you never want to ‘Black Out’? Chanyeol: All the moments I’ve spent with EXO-L during our concerts. Those are precious memories I never want to forget.

Q10. Lastly, any message for the fans? Chanyeol: First of all, thank you for waiting so long. I’m so grateful for your constant support and love. Preparing this album was a joyful experience, and I’m excited to finally share it with you. Without you, this album wouldn’t have been possible. This is just the beginning, and I hope we can continue to share happiness together for a long time. I love you all so much!

Translation by Allkpop.

#chanyeol #exo #text: news #black out #cy1

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bmcblr-remake · 2 years ago

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AUDITIONS INFO

if you want to be like mentally prepared on whats to be expected or something idk

---- all auditions here ----

actors/auditions FAQs

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what you will be doing:

if you get a conducting video: you will be asked to sing along to a video of someone conducting. we are using conducting videos to make sure everyone is in sync, and i need to be sure you can follow conducting. it shouldnt be hard its sort of like a metronome you just need to be able to keep tempo, and understand when to start singing after a pause. there will be an example video (conducting along to the og soundtrack) and the actual backing track (conducting along to instrumental). please be sure the backing track is playing in the background and audible

if you do not get a conducting video: there will just be a backing track. if you dont get a conducting video dont stress about starting at the right time after a pause, just be sure you can keep tempo. we will still be using conducting videos for the actual remake, you'll just have to learn along the way if you get cast. please be sure the backing track is playing in the background and audible

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what im mainly looking for:

your own portrayals of your character. im giving you complete creative freedom. say your line a different way, or faster or slower if you want. take a breath in the middle of the verse. make reaction noises. pitch your notes higher or lower if you have to go the troy iwata rich route. pretend youre actually doing the show live, some minor changes can be made here and there

you can keep tempo. of course if we have conducting videos it would be easier but if we dont, try your best and dont stress about starting at the right time after a pause. just be sure you can keep tempo while youre singing

not mic quality lmao. you dont need a professional mic or anything as long as whatever youre using is decent quality it should be fine. BUT please use whatever you will be using if you get cast. phone mic, singing recorder app, voice notes app, whatever

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what you will need to submit:

MAJOR CHARACTER

REQUIRED:

an approximately 1 - 1:30 minute audio clip of a song from bmc. the required song for each character will be listed below

an approximately 1 minute audio clip of spoken lines of choice, recommended from bmc. i know there arent a lot of continuous spoken lines so you can just say your lines and pause when the other character is speaking if you pick a scene like that

OPTIONAL:

any song that makes you look good! give me anything you did best in, it can be from bmc but it doesnt have to. can be as long as you want. please be sure the video is fairly recent i need to see what you can do now, not what you could do 6 months ago

(edit we most likely will not be adding lgw)

-- REMEMBER I WILL BE ALLOWING A COUPLE MONTHS OF WIGGLE ROOM FOR AGES. you will just have to specify in the audition form

jeremy: required song: more than survive/voices in my head. take your pick age limit: at least 16 and up

squip: required song: the pitiful children age limit: at least 16 and up

christine: required song: i love play rehearsal age limit: at least 15 and up

michael: required song: michael in the bathroom age limit: at least 15 and up

rich: required song: the squip song. will NOT be required to screlt please dont kill your voice age limit: at least 15 and up

jake: required song: halloween. specifically his solo age limit: at least 15 and up

chloe: required song: do you wanna hang age limit: at least 16 and up

brooke: required song: do you wanna ride age limit: at least 15 and up

jenna: required song: the smartphone hour. will not be required to hit her high ass notes age limit: at least 15 and up

MINOR CHARACTERS:

REQUIRED:

a 30 seconds - 1:30 minute audio clip of a song from bmc. the required song for each character will be listed below

a 30 seconds - 1 minute audio clip of spoken lines of choice from bmc. recommended spoken lines for each character will be listed below

-- you guys are a little more relaxed lmao you wont have to do 1 minute clips. a little shorter is fine

mr heere: required song: the pants song. 1 - 1:30 minutes long recommended spoken lines: your choice but i recommend the argument with jeremy

creepy stock guy: required song: "it's from japan..." literally the only bit he sings. not sure if backing track will be provided yet recommended spoken lines: again literally the only bit he says

mr reyes: recommended spoken lines: idk anything he says take your pick. i dont think he sings

note: it is very highly recommended you are close to the og range of your character, so the sheet music writers dont have to transpose stuff and do more work. dont worry if you cant hit every single note! remember im being very lax with creative choices. this is from the concord records website so im assuming its accurate

you will be emailing your auditions files to [email protected] and then filling out a form to verify your age.

JEREMY AUDITIONS: opens 29th may

EVERYONE ELSE: opens LATEST 10th june

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IMPORTANT:

i WILL be asking for your age unfortunately. please dont lie about it, some actors are uncomfortable with certain ages and we have to respect that. also ill be able to tell when you start singing i promise you i wont share or remember it afterwards and i promise you i dont care lmao

speaking of remember there ARE age limits to all major characters. i might allow 2-3 months of wiggle room, 4 if we're pushing it, but you'll have to specify in the actual audition and ill have to check if your potential co-stars (wow CO-STARS we're getting serious huh) are comfortable with that

feminine and masculine voices wont matter! if you have a fem voice and want to audition for michael go ahead. if you have a masc voice and want to audition for brooke im not stopping you. as long as you can hit the notes well you should be good. if anything this makes bmc more gay and thats very on track with tumblr

there is a chance i will do callbacks and you might be casted as another character if i (or future casting crew) think you fit! but that being said please dont try to cheat the auditions and audition for one with the other in mind

there will be a "main" actor and an understudy who will also act as the characters squip in the play. the squip might have a main and then two additional others for the robot effect instead of just three mains, cause of different portrayals and whatnot. i might open additional auditions if there arent enough people interested in a character like jake and chloe, but AFTER the others are casted for the sake of fairness and all. if i dont, then the two other voices from the squip will step in

EDIT: we're not doing any of that lol

most importantly have fun with it! remember this is not a serious project we are just making our silly little remake

auditions will open a couple weeks later depending on the conducting videos cause lemme tell you end of school year is not the best time to do this

(this post will be edited if needed)

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jmdbjk · 2 years ago

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More Legos...

(if you must, Jimin...)

After obsessing over whether the camera was straight enough, or were the lights too bright, whether the distance he was from the camera was good (obsessive perfectionist) he finally gave us the big news that his album is coming in MARCH!

Here are my preliminary notes and thoughts on the upcoming and very anticipated PJM1:

Track 1: shook and light-headed

Track 2: shook and drooling

Track 3: shook and finally taking a breath

Track 4: shook and uwu-ing

Track 5: shook and drooling again

Track 6: shook and picking myself up off the floor

Track 7: shook and sobbing because it’s the last song.

But of course, in my delulu mind there will be 13 tracks but let’s not get greedy...

Prediction: Jimin’s next live will have him building the LEGO BTS Dynamite set...

Off-topic...look, Namjoon posted a recent pic of Jungkook on his Instagram stories:

Joon’s also deleted or archived all his Instagram posts except 13 that have to do with Indigo... WHAT’S UP WITH THAT???

Back to the main event: Jimin talked about straightening his teeth again. The best option for him is probably the Invisalign that you can remove when necessary. I wonder if the process is something he can be doing while he’s enlisted.

He laughed and said “what do we have to fight about?” when someone asked him if he and Tae still fight a lot. As he continued reading the comments he said “Marriage!... one day. I’m too busy right now to get married.” I don’t know if the comment was “marriage one day” or if “one day” was part of his own response. He spoke a little about Jin. It’s clear that Jimin looks up to Jin.

It was so cute when he was making fun of himself being so shy when he was recording Vibe with Taeyang.

My man with some plastic flowers he made with his own two hands:

Losing track of what day it is, having to figure out Valentine’s day is almost here... same babe, same...

I know some people sort of made a big deal over his comments about this. First of all, Jimin, no one said anything about White Day... second of all, he said “it’s fun” ...isn’t that enough to show that he acknowledges them? You guys with the hardcore ideas that certain things MUST be considered in a certain way ... GET OUT OF YOUR CLOSED BOX! He acknowledged they are special days that are fun. Why isn’t that enough?

Then he talks about showing us his moon tattoos and letting us know there will be an opportunity to do so...he’ll have a chance to show us. Because whipping off his shirt on a live would probably get him scolded worse than JK drinking while doing a live.

He also commented about Namjoon being “truly like a gift” in his songwriting skills.

Then mentions Suchwita...and gives us a spoiler:

Yoongi and Jimin drinking and talking about Jimin’s solo album... YES! PLEASE MAKE THIS HAPPEN UNIVERSE! DON’T TEASE ME AND THEN LEAVE ME SHATTERED IF IT DOES NOT HAPPEN!

You know... occasionally a comment that seems odd could very well hold a considerable amount of meaning:

Tears from working himself to the bone because of his passion to give his best to us... tears because of how moved he was from seeing all of us while performing... tears because when you are filled with fear and insecurity and see the outpouring of love... tears from the words he sees being said about him online... he says if he has to find a reason as to why (he’s not as emotional any more) he says it’s like as time has gone on, he’s not seen us in person, that his emotions have subsided. He is removed from personal appearances but still the fact they’ve achieved a certain level of success enables him to feel secure in his position and they can see we, Army, are not going to leave them. He’s also removed himself from social media.

He can be so unserious too... clocked out... hahahahaha... and that’s 12:30 a.m., 1:00 a.m.

When Unholy comes on he laughs, smirks, and he skips the song BECAUSE HE KNOWS ITS UNHOLY...(keeping it PG for Armys). We know Jimin was at work but now we know he continued watching JK’s live because he knows that Jungkook sung this.... okayyyyy.

We also had the pleasure of listening to Jimin hum/sing along to The Astronaut, Rush Hour, That That, Better Than This by Lauv, Safe Zone, Yet to Come, Closer, Empty Road by Taeyang, Wildflower, Telepathy, Euphoria (which he admitted he loves and he let it play twice and then continued to sing it), Filter to which he commented that he was really bummed out when he never got to perform this for us live and that HE MAY ONE DAY DO THAT ASDAFWTFOMFG!!!

Someone in comments said they needed Jimin to motivate them and that they hated themselves... those were serious words and Jimin paused to consider his response... he said “you should still know how to cherish and like yourself. I think it actually isn’t easy to accept this usually. I think you should know why you are thinking in that manner (you should figure out what is causing you to think that way) and I think I need to hear you out in order to say something to you (I need to know more about the situation in order to offer constructive advice). Even so, you only have yourself. I hope you don’t hate yourself too much.” Words from a man who has perhaps had his own dealings with this sort of thing.

He wrapped it up by saying he’ll talk about the making of PJM1 after it’s release for us to stay safe and stay well.

The thought occurred to me: is it just me or has the number of times that the idea of the members dating increased exponentially these last few months?

Namjoon flippantly(?) saying "kind of like a girlfriend for me" during Big Brain/Useless Knowledge TV Show. (What is the title of that show? I keep forgetting...)

Both Jimin and Jungkook teasing Armys who comment "let's date for a few seconds" while doing their live broadcasts.

And the big rumor of Tae’s that I won’t mention because people are irrational and I don’t have time for that.

Jimin even said there’s more comments about marriage these days than ever before. Beyond “Marry Me Yoongi,” the topic of marriage just seems to pop up more frequently.

Are they attempting to normalize Tannies dating? Just like they've normalized (sorta) showing more skin? and normalized their inevitable enlistment. Are they are making us take baby steps for everything?

Is this part of Chapter 2/more mature Bangtan agenda? Please feel free to discuss below...

#naked bangtan #dating bangtan #soldier bangtan #pjm1 is coming #like yourself/love yourself #not a big LEGO enthusiast #jimin watches JK lives while at work JUST LIKE ME #jimin on suchwita please

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ntandobam · 1 day ago

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Living In The Material World

Sleeper Masterpiece

Out of all the solo albums from the members of the Beatles, this ranks in the top 2 for me after John Lennon's first solo album 'Plastic Ono Band'. I think it just encapsulates what George Harrison was in my eyes in terms of his spirituality and dealing with his subsequent fame from the Beatles.

Track 1 - Give Me Love (Give Me Peace On Earth)

This was used as the lead single of the album and this song according to George is a prayer and personal statement between him, God and whoever appreciated the song. Being known as the idealistic Beatle I think this song sees him being frustrated with what's going on around him the time and trying to reach out to something for guidance to help him.

Track 2 - Sue Me, Sue You Blues

During the early 70s George was fighting lawsuits left, right and centre from his time with the Beatles to the his own ventures he wanted to partake in which led him to writing this song. He got hit with copyright infringement on his hit single 'My Sweet Lord' from his previous album. He also had trouble getting recording rights from record companies for a benefit concert for Bangladesh he wanted to do and money took time to get to the rightful places. Lastly, the Beatles members, after breaking up, started suing each other for rights to songs when Paul McCartney started while trying to dissolve Apple Corps.

Track 3 - The Light That Has Lighted The World

The opening words, 'I've heard that some people have said that I've changed, that I'm not what I was how it really is a shame', are some of my favourite to be written by an artist. To me everything is about change all around us, nothing stays the same and that's a beautiful thing to appreciate. Him being the youngest member of the Beatles plays a part in it as well, I think, feeling like the little brother who finally finds his own voice amongst the siblings.

Track 4 - Don't Let Me Wait Too Long

Even though this was one of his popular songs, he didn't treat it as such. It is the only song from the album that he didn't discuss so the meaning behind it is really up in the air, it could be about a woman or it could be about a deity. It was supposed to be the follow up single after 'Give Me Love' but he pulled it and didn't give reasons for doing that.

Track 5 - Who Can See It

Within the group dynamics, George was assigned the more junior role when it came to songwriting which saw him being overlooked when it came to what songs would be put on the albums, mainly being dominated by Lennon and McCartney songs. After the group broke up he found commercial and critical success on his own and in this song it's like he's releasing frustration from his time with the band.

Track 6 - Living In The Material World

Inspired by A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, the leader and founder of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness, the song has a double meaning to it not just referring to our need to have material things to make us happy or at least think that they'll make us happy, it also touches on realizing that our bodies are just physical things of this world and that we need to learn to adopt a higher consciousness in order to leave it behind. Being a musician who was rich and famous and could get anything he wanted, this might've seemed hypocritical, and it was something that he battled to get to grips with at times.

Track 7 - The Lord Loves The One (That Loves The Lord)

Also inspired by a visit from A.C. Bhaktivenda Swami Prabhupada once again, here George is talking about how we all are chasing something like fame, fortune or a certain position in order to feel like somebody, but in the end we're going to die anyways. It's about one coming to a point where they have to understand they aren't the one in control ultimately. There is a higher power greater than you and you need to trust what they have in place for you.

Track 8 - Be Here Now

The track title is pretty self explanatory being inspired after reading Ram Dass' book of the same name, in which he talks about his transformation from Dr Richard Alpert to Baba Ram Dass. The song is about him trying to tell people to forget about the Beatle days as he was the first one to tire of it all during the peak of their fame. Also just in general we spent too much time thinking about the past and future when we really can't do much about those as they don't exist in reality or what we consider to be reality.

Track 9 - Try Some, Buy Some

While reading the lyrics my interpretation of the song was the journey of someone who had been through drug use, but at the same time someone who has gone through a spiritual awakening. George was very concerned for his friends in the music industry especially during that time with their drug and alcohol use as it was the norm for them to partake in.

Track 10 - The Day The World Gets 'Round

Written after he organized a benefit concert for Bangladesh Liberation War. There is a duality to it that ties to the track name. He feels great appreciation and hope from the concert thanks to the people that contributed towards it, but at the same time the fact musicians had to be the ones trying to help people in need instead of those that are put into power makes him lose his optimism at times.

Track 11 - That Is All

Thanks to the track name, this is the final song on the album and it serves as a conventional love song to a woman, but the same time, a declaration to God. His belief was that all love is universal and when you love a woman it's because you see the God in her.

There are three more tracks that were part of the B-side .

#music #george harrison #living in a material world

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xbadgerbearx · 3 years ago

Text

bird

word count: 1.6k

Can’t Sleep: [4] … [6]

Not too long later, Gaius Grieves revealed himself. Your little trio watched as Robert discreetly put a gun to his back and started talking. You weren't close enough to decipher what he said. Once he started moving your team got the cue to follow. However, everyone stopped in their tracks once soldiers were spotted.

"I thought Milton was supposed to be our lookout," you muttered as the soldiers started speaking Spanish to the patrons in the club.

As the soldiers got more aggressive in their search for Americans, Robert turned to Cleo.

"All right," Robert motioned to Grieves. "Take him out through the back, all right? Find my coordinates in the pad and meet me in half an hour," he ordered while handing Abner a gun.

"What?"

"Hey, did you hear what I said?"

"Yes, but-"

"Go."

Cleo hesitated before grabbing Grieves.

"Let's go."

As you were leading your small group to the back entrance, you heard Robert yell out, "Hey, calm down! There's no need to disturb everyone's night."

You could faintly hear Flag speak up as you found a door marked Solo Empleados.

"This way."

Unfortunately the door you opened was the dressing room for the dancers. You heard Abner say, "Oh, God," before a stumbling sound and a gun being handled. You briefly looked back to see Abner holding Grieves at gun pointing and ordering him to "Move it!"

Damn. That was a little hot.

Pushing your way through the dancers and out the door, you let out a small gasp at the soldier standing in front of you. Cleo, ever the quick thinker, used her device to have a rat crawl down his throat.

"Remind me not to get on your bad side."

You eventually made your way outside in an alley. Milton jogged over once he caught sight of you four.

"Your equipment manipulates animal behavior, clever," Grieves spoke out. "I'm working on something similar with humans."

"Be quiet, please."

"You are perceivably panicked. I'm guessing that you are not the alphas of this battalion."

"Do you want a dozen angry rodents crawling up your ass?" Cleo snapped.

"My answer might not be what you expect."

"Disgusting," you commented as Abner ushered Grieves to move.

You quickly made your way into the van. Milton took the driver's seat, Abner sat in the middle across from Grieves who still had a gun pointed at him, and you and Cleo took a seat in the back by Nanaue.

"Hello, friends!"

"Hi, yes, hello to you too, Nanaue," you said before pointing at Grieves. "Nom nom this man if I give the word."

"Okay!"

Cleo rummaged through DuBois bag before handing you the coordinate pad he spoke of earlier. Was that a picture of his daughter you saw? You couldn't get a good look since Cleo zipped up the bag. Coordinates in hand, you made your way back up the front to give Milton directions.

"Oh ho ho, what's this?" Grieves smuggly declared. You were too busy paying attention to the road to hear him.

"What's what?"

"I saw that little look you gave to your teammate."

"There was no look," Abner denied.

"Ah, but there was. How are you going to pretend you weren't just looking at their ass as they passed? You seem to have a school boy crush."

"Abner has a crush?" Cleo entered the conversation.

"No!"

Grieves laughed before answering Cleo. "You seem to have forgotten that I study people for a living, and I am very good at my job."

"Pet pet and Polky?" Nanaue piped up from the back.

"No! No Pet pet and Polky," Abner said with exasperation. However, upon looking at you and seeing how captivating you looked under the flashing lights of the street lamps, he followed it up with defeated, "Okay, maybe Pet pet and Polky."

"Dios mío!" Cleo exclaimed before she was hurriedly shushed. They both looked over to see if you heard.

"Okay, now take a right onto this street."

You did not.

"I'm happy for you, Abner."

"You seem to have forgotten you are on a mission. This isn't some little girl's slumber party."

Cleo slapped Grieves over the back of the head as Abner seemed to remember that he had a gun in his hand.

"Be quiet."

"Is- is that them?"

The team all looked at you as they looked out the window. Following your gaze, it landed on an upside down armored vehicle in a ditch.

"Of course it is, who else would be dumb enough," you sighed.

Milton slowly approached the area and parked the van. As soon as it stopped you jumped out to see if they were still there. Turns out you didn't have to wait long; the back door unlocked to reveal your three teammates scuffed but otherwise unharmed.

You wouldn't admit it but you felt relieved.

"All right," Robert grunted. "Let's go to Jotunheim."

"Nope. There's somethin' we gotta take care of first."

"What?"

Rick sighed out, "As much as it pains me to say, we gotta get Harley Quinn."

"Harley who?"

"Quinn. She was on Team 1 with me. Now that I know where she is, we gotta go get her."

"Fuck no."

"Come on, man." They made their way back into the van after you. "She's a valuable asset."

"I said no."

"Don't make me get Waller into this."

Robert thought for a moment. "Fuck, fine, alright. We'll go get 'er."

Everyone eventually got seated. This time you actually sat in a seat since you weren't planning on taking an impromptu nap—although that did sound nice. Flag filled Milton out on the details and directed him on where to go as you all got cozy. Robert and Chris were going at it again, Cleo was asleep, Nanaue was trying to get you to sit in his lap, and Abner was watching in amusement.

"No."

"Yes."

"I said no."

"Pet pet?"

"No, Nanaue."

Nanaue put on his best pout, "Please?"

You should not have turned around to look at him. Sighing, you stood up and made your way over to him.

"Hahaha!" He sounded like a giddy kid in a candy store. He gently picked you up and placed you on his lap. Immediately he started petting you again and hummed. Your legs were cramped and you felt like you were about to fall off his lap. Without saying anything, you sprawled your legs across Abner's lap. He just looked at you with a smile before adjusting himself to accommodate you. Resting his arms over your legs, he continued looking out the window.

"How fascinating."

"Hmm?" You looked at Grieves.

"You don't happen to also control animal behavior, do you?"

"Why would I tell you that?"

"Fair."

You heard a loud sigh from Chris. "Is this going to become a regular occurance?"

"What, you jealous? I'm calling it now, if we have another night during this mission I'm using him as my cuddle buddy."

"Whatever."

Although you said you wouldn't, you were almost asleep before Robert made the call for everyone to gear up. While everyone was rushing to get their gear on, you just yawned and leaned over to handcuff Grieves to a seat before making yourself at home on Nanaue again. You weren't exactly trained to fight with weapons, although you did grab a nearby combat knife to carry.

"You gotta be kiddin' me. You're gonna risk the entire mission for a mental defective dressed as a court jester."

"This is coming from a guy that wears a toilet seat on his head."

"We don't leave our own behind," Rick reminded.

"You're okay with this?"

"No, but I've been around Flag when he's got a rag in his mouth. Best not to tug it."

"Motherfucker!"

Just as everyone seemed almost ready, you hopped off Nanaue and gently nudged Cleo.

"Come on, gotta wake up."

"All right, let's go."

Everyone—besides Grieves—exited the vehicle before Flag announced his plan.

"All right, we'll enter through the third floor, go to the inner staircase, and then down to the cellar where they usually keep their detainees. Hopefully, Harley's still alive."

Still butthurt about what Robert said, Chris stubbornly muttered, "It's not a toilet seat, it's a beacon of freedom!"

Everyone got into position; Peacemaker somehow scaled a building to get a vantage point, Abner was down the street looking for traffic, Rick and Robert were beside one of the walls ready to climb to the third floor, you turned into a bird (much to the amazement of your team) so you could quickly enter the window Robert would open, and Nanaue—who forgot you turned into a bird—stared at you.

"Ratatouille, what do you got?"

"Third floor hallway's clear. Abner?"

"There doesn't seem to be any incoming traffic."

"Bird."

"Nanaue, that's Mimic you meathead- and stay off the comm!"

"Colonel, I got a clean shot on the only one in the office. Just give the word."

"Fire on three, two..."

"What're you guys doing?"

Rick looked at Harley, then DuBois, then back to Harley. "I... you- we're here to save you."

"You were gonna... save me?" Harley visibly looked touched.

"It was a really good plan, too."

"Well I can go back inside and you can still do it."

"That's patronizing," Bloodsport commented.

You saw Harley drag a big stick thing over to Flag and hug him.

"Uh, what's with the javelin?"

"I'm waiting for God to tell me."

"Jesus Christ..."

"Yeah, or Him. Or any of them, really."

You and Nanaue watched as Harley and Bloodsport had an awkward introduction.

"Never mind everyone, Harley is secure."

"What?"

"Meet me in the van so we can leave as quickly as possible."

Sighing, you morphed back into your original form. Nanaue made an audible gasp as he saw you sitting on the railing.

"Pet pet?

"Yes, Nanaue, it's me, Pet pet."

King Shark laughed as he started petting you immediately. Resisting the urge to roll your eyes, you swatted his hand away and motioned for him to follow you.

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superhero--imagines · 4 years ago

Text

Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here! / Part 4 Here! / Part 5 Here! / Part 6 Here! / Part 7 Here! / Part 8 Here! / Part 9 Here! / Part 10 Here! / Part 11 Here! / Part 12 Here!

A/N: Shout out to @ideas-for-you-to-adopt for inspiring/writing a lot of the headcanons used for the “Bella Suspicion” part of this chapter!

I’m posting this a day early, because, well I’m flakey like that

* You spear another piece of pineapple, your teeth grinding together

* “I think that sounds perfect!” Lauren squeals lightly grasping Bella’s shoulder, Bella gives a small smile in return.

* You know what isn’t perfect?

* The fact that nothing is going according to plan.

* It’s already a month in and NOTHING has happened. You stab another piece of pineapple, sticking it into your mouth

* You’ve hung back in the school parking lot everyday for a MONTH, you were even late to cheer practice once, just to see if the “Tyler Van Accident” happened.

* Only it never did, and you didn’t know why until Lauren confided that she and Tyler had been hooking up lately.

* As in hooking up at her house after school before her parents came home.

* Of course it’s not going to happen when Tyler’s ditching his last period to drive to her house

* What a mess

* You chew the pineapple carefully, just like a human would. Because even though Bella knows LITERALLY NOTHING. She somehow suspects everything.

* You watch her from the corner of your eye, making polite conversation with Angela about biology next period.

* The amount of questions she has about you is ridiculous

* How did you meet Edward? How does your family know the Cullen’s? Where are you adoptive parents now? If they’re back in the states why haven’t you gone to live with them?

* It’s literally never ending. And that’s just her trying to poke holes in your story.

* You’re not even going to start with all the stuff she’s commented on your physical appearance

* “Hey don’t you think it’s weird they all have gold eyes?” You had heard Bella quietly ask Jessica when she thought you couldn’t hear

* “Not really, they’ve got like six kids, so when one kid needs something more of them do too. (Y/N) told me Alice wanted color contacts so Dr. Cullen just bought some for all of them.”

* And then the week before that, while you were doing a stunt at a basketball game Bella said:

* “Aren’t they like, too strong?” You were lifting up a girl all on your own.

* “Oh yeah- I guess you never saw the video, apparently they’re jacked.” Conner says, with a shrug.

* “Yeah they heard working out helps with stress when they were like 12 and just never stopped.” Mike adds absentmindedly

* And if that wasn’t enough she’s even said this a few weeks before that:

* “Don’t you think it’s weird how beautiful they all are?” Lauren wrinkles her nose, at the time she had gotten used to Bella but she still doesn’t seem to like her very much

* “Not really, I remember (Y/N) wasn’t all that pretty freshman year, they used to wear these really dorky glasses.”

* You had almost started to forget how good you had it, after you did all the leg work in the last two years to establish that you were normal -just kinda quirky- you had just started to enjoy the pay off. A little more lax with your appearance, wearing clothes you liked, doing more solo routines in cheer.

* Only for little Miss.Curious to show up

* Now you have to try extra hard to look human again. And not just you, the entire coven does, because when one of you falls under suspicion you all do.

* Rosalie’s been making her hair look messy every so often to give the illusion that she’s having a bad hair day, Alice wears a retainer every so often, even Emmett pretends to need the bathroom more than he usually does.

* This morning you even had Rosalie do a fake pimple on your jaw.

* If Bella wasn’t going to be your best friends’ future wife, you think you might just hate her.

* You kind of sympathize with Rosalie in the book now.

* “Hey (Y/N) are you in?” Conner asks nudging his elbow against yours.

* “In for what?” You mumble, spearing another piece of pineapple. Another downside is now you have to eat at lunch. Otherwise Bella starts asking why you never eat and everyone gets really concerned and starts force feeding you

* God, all those years of establish you have low blood sugar and acid reflux induced nausea for nothing

* “La Push beach, we’re all going this weekend.” You perk up at the mention

* Finally, something’s getting back on track

* “Can’t, cheer stuff.” You mumble, shoving your food around your plate with your fork.

* You don’t miss Bella’s meaningful glance on your mostly full plate.

* Oh great, you can practically see the question “don’t you think it’s weird how they never eat anything?” Forming in the inner corners of her mind

* “What about you Edward?” Lauren flutters her eyelashes and you have to stop yourself from rolling your eyes.

* Lauren’s still annoyed that even though they’re hooking up, Tyler hasn’t made anything official yet

* Alice told her flirting with another guy might help.

* “He’s not going either.” You say before Edward can even open his mouth. He doesn’t say anything just gives you a questioning look and a smile.

* Looks like he’s finding everyone else’s thoughts more interesting

* “Are you guys going on a date?” Jessica waggles her eyebrows and on the other side of the table Bella sputters.

* You roll your eyes

* “No Jessica, but if I can’t go have fun neither can he.” Technically you both are forbidden to go on tribal land but whatever. “Best friend code.”

* Also you’re pretty sure Edward and Emmett are going to Yellowstone to eat bears or something, like a couple of heathens

* The thought of eating straight out of bear, no idea what they’ve eaten or where they’ve been doing their business, makes you shudder.

* You did mention to them both that if they happen to find an orphaned bear cub somewhere to bring it back. You’ve been wanting to experiment with bear blood.

* “Best friend code.” Edward repeats slowly, and the look he gives you makes your stomach flutter. And it’s not because you just ate half a salad.

* You’re knocked out of the look when Conner bumps his knee against yours

* “Well that’s a shame, I was looking forward to seeing you in a swimsuit.”

* So Conner’s been flirting a lot with you lately. Kind of weird, your best guess is that he was hoping to date Lauren, but now that she’s kinda seeing Tyler, you’re starting to look good.

* “Maybe you should have a pool party at that fancy house of yours then.” The group laughs but Conner just smirks

* “Whatever you want babe but-“ the bell cuts him off and you give him a consolatory pat on the arm.

* You move to throw away the leftover food on your plate, walking with Edward

* “We’re ditching right?” You ask him as you toss the plate into the trash.

* “Yeah Mr. Barnes is doing his blood type experiment today.” Like he even needs an excuse to skip school. “Do you want to go to the bookstore or something?”

* You shake your head, that won’t do, when Bella faints Edward needs to be there so they can fall in love

* “Wanna just hang out in my car? We can listen to that new Debussy CD I got.”

* Edward gives you a small smile, like he’s not really happy

* “Whatever you want.”

* Wait what’s up with that.

* “Hey, (Y/N)!” Bella calls out for you and Edward grimaces.

* “I’ll meet you at your car” wait he’s not going to stay here? If this was a dating video game he’d be the kind of player that wasted all the capture flags and then complains when they end up all alone.

* He leaves just as Bella gets to you. She spares a fleeting glance in Edward’s direction, almost looking sad as she watches him walk away before she looks to you

* “Are you heading over to biology?” She really is cute, like a puppy. She must have been hoping to get a little closer to Edward.

* You almost feel bad for not warning her what with her issues on blood.

* “Nah I’ve got to finish my trig homework so I’m going to skip.” You fake a yawn.

* Oh, before you forget

* “I actually got you something.”

* You hand her a carefully wrapped gift bag, compliments of Rosalie of course

* “Vitamins?” Bella asks, her eyebrows threading together

* “Yeah, it’s like a vitamin powder, you just add it to water. We bought a big family pack so I thought I would share some with you.”

* Also because you’re 100% sure she’s anemic.

* Part of the reason you like the way she smells so much is because of her anemia, if it’s just the peach scent you can probably contain yourself.

* You wave goodbye and Bella looks down at the package in her hands with a goofy expression. She hugs it to her chest before her expression pinches.

* “I should have offered to let them copy my notes” Bella murmurs to herself. Smacking her forehead and walking to biology.

* When you manage to sneak out to the parking lot through the gym doors, you see Edward leaning against your car, looking bored as he looks to the tree line

* “Why didn’t you sit inside? You look like a douchebag.”

* “I would have if someone had given me the keys”

* Like that’s stopped him before

* You unlock the car, letting it start with a hum before you pull out your trig homework

* You weren’t entirely lying to Bella, you really hadn’t finished you homework

* Edward pulls out a book from his bag, you’re not ashamed to say you’ve gotten him super into “The City of Ember” series

* “Hey why did you walk away when Bella came over?” you’re only half curious, mostly just trying to make conversation. “You don’t hate her do you?” You add with a laugh.

* The mere thought of Edward Cullen hating Bella Swan is laughable.

* “Yeah I do.”

* You find yourself coughing from the sheer shock.

* “You mean she frustrates you because you can’t read her mind.” Edward has spared you a concerned glance when you started coughing, but has turned his attention back to his book

*” No I mean I don’t like her, and I don’t like being around her.” He doesn’t look up from his book as he says it.

* “But why?” Yeah she’s a little plain, and she’s still pretty shy even though you’ve been hanging out for a month and all those damn questions

* But she’s got good taste in books, and she’s pretty straightforward.

* She’s not the type of person to go behind your back, if you did something to upset her she’ll tell you straight to your face.

* Honestly she’s a lot like Angela, minus the hidden cunning nature.

* Edward eyes narrow and a heavy sigh escapes him. His head tilts back to rest against the passenger seat headrest.

* His neck is so long and white. The color of freshly fallen snow. You can’t help but think of how pretty it would look covered in hickeys.

* Like poppy’s blossoming in the snow.

* Can vampires get hickeys? Would it just be like black instead of red since none of you really have blood anymore.

* “I just don’t like-” He cuts himself off when his eyes meet yours, they seem to shine brighter for a moment, and you tilt your head. This feels like a meaningful look.

* Edward sighs and looks away.

* “I just don’t like her vibe.”

*”Vibe? Are you an Edward shaped imposter?” you see him mouth ‘Edward Shaped Imposter’ as you both laugh.

* “Where did you learn to say these things?” He asks between laughs. You mock gasp.

* “The real Edward would never ask me that because he’s too afraid to know! Who are you really? What planet are you from?” Your hands move to his face, his face is as smooth as marble, lingering warmth. You leaned in without thinking about it, only a few inches away from him.

* You’re so close you can smell him. He always smells good, like something ancient and profound. Rosemary and argon oil.

* Your hands are still on his face and he’s grinning.

* You gulp

* You’re trying to think of another ridiculous imposter joke you can make wen you catch a familiar head of blond hair through the window.

* “Is that Mike and ... Bella?”

* This is a lot sooner than you thought, it hasn’t even been ten minutes yet.

* Edward looks almost bored as he follows your gaze.

* “Yeah, looks like she made herself sick, she’s - what’s that word for when people are afraid of blood?”

* “Hemophobia?”

* “Yeah, that’s what she has.”

* You wait for a second, releasing his face from your hands, but instead of moving to open the door he slumps back into his seat, eyes focused on his book.

* “Don’t you think we should go help them?” He shrugs.

* The f*cking criminal just shrugs.

* WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON?!?!

* Human or not, there’s no world Edward wouldn’t at least think about helping someone who’s in trouble.

* You’re starting to think this really is an Edward imposter.

* You watch Bella lean on Mike, stumbling down the crosswalk to the nurse’s office in the next building.

* You can’t watch anymore

* ‘You know you-” You words finally get Edward’s attention as he looks up from his book. “You are wasting all the capture flags!” You shout before sliding out of your car and jogging over to Mike and Bella

* “Mike! What happened?” He’s so surprised to see you his grip on Bella goes slack and she falls out of his side hold.

* “Oh crap!”

* You rush to catch her, swinging her into a princess hold.

* What was Mike struggling with so much? She’s not very hea - oh right you’re a vampire.

* “Are you alright, I know she’s kinda heavy.” Well that’s not very nice to say about a girl, besides she’s pretty skinny. Can’t be more than 120 pounds.

* “It’s no problem, I do it for cheer are all the time.” You do a fake grunt as you pretend to get a better hold on her.

* The movement jostle her awake, her eyes fluttering open. She’s still in a dreamy state, her eyes are unfocused.

* “(Y/N)?”

* “Hey buddy, looks like ya fainted, squeamish around blood huh?”

* “How do you know we were doing the blood type experiment?” Mike asks.

* Oh crap. You were skipping, you weren’t supposed to know that. Even worse you brain can’t seem to come up with a valid excuse.

* “Alice told us about it, (Y/N) used to be squeamish around blood when we were kids, didn’t want to take any chances” You let out a sigh of relief when you see Edward walking towards you. At least he’s not completely heartless.

*”Then why were you skipping?” Mike asks scratching his head. Edward shrugs

* “They can’t go to class, then I won’t go either.” And then the criminal looks you straight in the eye and says with the cheekiest smile imaginable:

*“It’s the best friend code”

* Oh f*ck off Edward.

* You almost want to scoff when he takes Bella from your arms and into his.

* SO now he wants to care about the capture flag.

* You let him take her though, You swear you see her stiffen and frown when he holds her.

* That can’t be right, she seemed super relaxed when you were carrying her.

* “I-I’m fine I can walk.”

* “No you can’t.” Edward bluntly says.

* Even when he gets to capture event, he says all the wrong things. You sigh as you walk behind him. Only to notice another set of footsteps by you.

* “You can go back if you want Mike, Edward won’t kidnap her or anything.” He might throw her into the lake though.

* Mike shakes his head. “No it just seems wrong to not make sure she at least gets to the nurses office.”

*You smile, he really is a kind boy.

* “Also I’ll be damned if Bella gives Edward all the credit.” Well mostly kind.

* You get to the nurses office, who seems incredibly flustered with both you and Edward in such a small space.

* She seems so preoccupied keeping her wits about her as she checks out Bella and deals with your presence that she never asks why three people had to escort one person to the nurses office.

* “Well your blood pressure is a little low, since you fainted I would suggest you go home. If you want you can take a nap in here until school’s out.” Wow, where was a nurse this generous when you were in school.

* Bella, the beautiful moron, shakes her head.

* “No it’s okay I’ll go back to class, I don’t want to take a zero for the assignment” Well that’s noble and responsible and all. But what does she think is going to happen when she goes back to class?

* She’s going to see some blood again and faint. Not that you can be mad, you would probably have to go the the nurse too if Bella ever managed to prick her own finger

* “Bella you really shouldn’t,” You settle your hand on her shoulder pushing her back onto the chair. “You just fainted you should lie down, or go home or something.”

* Her eyebrows thread together, mouth pulled in protest.

* “I don’t want to impose on any-”

* “It’s not an imposition, I want to!” Her mouth parts, then closes, stretching into a fine line. You look to Edward who’s avoiding your gaze and seems very irritated.

* Enemies to lovers trope it is.(Though you’re not sure if this counts as enemies if only one person dislikes the other)

* “I’m going to drop you off home, come on.” You pull Bella up by her hand, leading her to the parking lot.

* “Wait what about my car?”

* Oh you hadn’t thought about that.

*Hmmm in the original book Alice drove her home. But Alice doesn’t really do anything unless there’s something in it for her, or if she wants to.

* Also you’re pretty sure when she ditched today when she found out that people were pricking there finger on campus. She claimed it was for Jasper, but you’re pretty sure there’s a sale in the Nordstrom in Seattle.

* Edward would rather get the flu than drive Bella’s ancient truck.

* Which leaves only one option.

* You toss your keys to Edward who catches them with one hand.

* “Edward will drive you home in my car, and I’ll drive your car behind him.”

* “What about Rosalie?” He grumbles.

*“What about Rosalie?” Why is he being so difficult right now? Doesn’t he realize you’re doing this all for him!

* “You’re driving her home since Emmett and I are leaving for Yellow Stone as soon as school lets out.” Oh right the bears. Cr*p.

* “It’s not a big deal, I’ll drive back to school after we’re done and you can go your way and I’ll go mine.”

* You can tell Edward doesn’t like it, but he just sigh’s climbing into your car and then promptly getting out of the passenger side and sitting in the driver’s side.

* The dork forgot he had to drive the car.

* You’re dying laughing as Bella leads you to her car.

* “It’s the blue one.”

* Her truck isn’t all that bad. It’s old, but in a kind of retro way. It’s powder blue, with only two doors and no backseat.

* You climb in, turning the engine and hearing it purr. Well it’s more of a roar, but it’s not terrible.

* You’re surprised when Bella climbs through the passenger side door.

* “Um, you’re not going to drive with Edward?” She looks at you like you just asked her to recite the Fibonacci sequence.

* “Why would I go with him when you’re the one driving my car?” Okay, that’s fair.

* You sigh, why does nothing ever go according to plan.

* Maybe it’s for the best, Edward doesn’t seem to be in the best mood. Not that this is good either, she’s sitting so close to you, her peachy scent fills the small space of the truck and you feel lightheaded.

* It’s less than a ten minute trip, no need to get dramatic. You’re pretty sure you won’t kill her just because she smells nice.

* “Soooooo... what do you want to talk about?” You ask as you turn out of the school, this car is super slow compared to yours, you’re pretty sure it won’t go over 50 mph.

* Bella fidgets beside you, playing with the ends of her hair.

* “So are you and Edward...dating?”

* You laugh so loud you actually start coughing. And then you laugh again.

* “No-pfff- no We’re uh- we’re not dating.” You finally manage.

* “Why is that so funny to you?” She asks, genuinely confused.

* “Well it’s just outrageous you know?” How would that even work? You can’t even picture it. Edward getting all hot and bothered because you’re wearing an oversized sweater and glasses. You flirting with him all over the house in front of Carlisle and Esme. Edward signing up for a sport just so he can see you in his letterman.

* It’s all...impossible.

* And yet, there is one thing you can picture.

* Edward by your side, he’s almost golden brown, his eyes bright green. He points to the living room, and in there are Alec and Jane, both of their eyes blue as they argue over who’s turn it is to watch TV.

* Maybe if you were human, if you had met in a different world or a different time, that would be something you could have.

* But it is what it is

* “Edward and I have been friends for a really long time, we’ve just seen too much of each other to find each other attractive like that.”

* Bella looks like she doesn’t believe you but she doesn’t say anything.

* Wait what are you doing? This is the perfect chance to talk Edward up!

* “But you know Edward is a real stand up guy!” It leaves a little too forcefully, a little inauthentic.

* “Oh is he?” She doesn’t sound too excited to be talking about this.

* “I know he’s got one of those face-”

* “Obnoxiously handsome?” She spats

* “Like he thinks existence is a curse, and the world is evil and everything is terrible -” Wait you’re getting off track. “B-but he really is a good guy!”

* You bite your lip, as Bella tells you to turn into a subdivision.

* “You know after- after I was adopted,” After your parents died. “I was really lonely, I had a family that loved me and anything I asked for but I didn’t really have anyone to talk to” Oh god, why did you choose this story to pick? “Edward was probably the only friend my age I had for years.”

* She straightens up a little bit, a curious glint in her eyes.

* “Really?” You nod.

* “Yeah he would come by every Monday and Wednesday,” You still remember the crunch of the snow under your feet as you both walked to the barn. He always asked why you didn’t just run, and you always told him because you liked the way you could see your breath hang in the air,

* “He could have been out that time, hanging out with other people,” More well adjusted vampires, who hunted instead of harvesting small amounts from animals they raised. “or chasing girls and playing sports, but he stayed with me.”

* “He always made me feel safe, and I’m sure whoever is lucky enough to end up with him will feel that way too.”

* “I think you’re giving him too much credit” Bella finally says, you smile at her

* “what do you mean?”

* “Well, who wouldn’t drop everything to hang out with you?” You can’t tell if she’s being genuine or if she’s bitter. Your eyes meet hers and there’s a twinkle in them. ”My house is the one on the left, the one with the magnolia tree.”

* You come to a stop in front of the house she mentioned, shifting it into park, and handing her the keys.

* You don’t say anything as you climb out of her car. You see Edward stopped a few dozen feet behind her truck, your jeep still on.

* “Thanks for driving me home” She smiles at you, a real smile that reaches her eyes. It’s nice.

* “No problem, it gave me an excuse to ditch school too haha.” You both stand in awkward silence. Neither of you moving.

* Well damn what are you supposed to do now?

* “Oh, hey do you want me to bring you your homework or anything?”

* She perks up at that, reaching into her pocket

* “If you don’t mind, could you text me what page he homework is on for trig today?”

* “ Oh for sure! No problem at all” You take her cell phone in your hand. It’s a white sidekick, with a picture of a cactus on the back. She must have gotten it when she moved.

* You can’t help but wonder if she has any friends she misses. She spent her entire life in one community, sure Phoenix is a pretty big place, but she must have had friends, people she sat with at lunch everyday, girls she had known since childhood, sleepovers where they whispered about boys they had crushes on.

* As you hand her phone back, your contact information saved in it, you can’t help but wonder who this person in front of you is. You know her, but at the same time, you know absolutely nothing about her.

* “See you Monday!” You wave goodbye as you get into the passenger side of your car, and Bella waits on the porch until you and Edward leave.

* Edward’s got that look on his face.

* “Edward why are you mad?”

* “I’m not mad.” He grumbles and you raise an eyebrow. He sighs.

* “You’re going out of your way an awful lot for that human.” He says as he turns back onto the highway.

* “It’s just the right thing to do Eddie.”

* He shakes his head, his mouth pinched into a frown

* “Just be careful, I don’t know what that one’s thinking, she could be planning to burn our entire coven for all I know.”

* You roll your eyes, yeah you bet Bella who weights exactly 115 pounds, and has anemia is single handedly planning to bring down the entire vampire race.

* “How about we make a deal, I’ll promise not to rock the boat while you and Emmett are gone-”

* “Why do I feel like I’m going to regret not covering my ears?”

*” If you promise to bring me back a bear cub - an orphaned one.” He gives you a look you don’t quite care for.

* “You want me to kill a mother bear so you can have a bear cub?”

* “No of course not! I’m just saying- Emmett doesn’t really look before he kills so if he kills a mother bear, just make sure you bring me the cubs.”

* “Why do you even want a bear? How are you planning to take care of it with all those deer around, they need a lot-”

* “Yes Dad I know it’s a big responsibility, don’t worry I won’t make you take it on walks or anything.”

* Edward gulps hard, one hand detaching from the steering wheel to cover his mouth.

* Wouldn’t it be positively sinful for you to be underneath him, whining ‘daddy, please’ in that breathy voice of yours and-

* Edward.exe is broken.

* “Dude you really need to get your shit together before you go on your trip, we’ve been parked for fifteen minutes and your foot is still on the brake.” You say as you get out of the car

* He hits his head against the steering wheel.

* “Yeah, I really do need to get my shit together.”

Tags: @moonlights27 @thebluetint @the100thtwilight @awesomebooklover17 @oneofthepotterheads @smileygirl08 @imdoingathingmom @iconicgguk @yrawn @alyciaswhore @little-horror-show @wicked-watering-can @lazydreamers @ xxxmuxxx @ideas-for-you-to-adopt @poisoinedhope @maryleigh8796 @moose-squirrel-asstiel @hotmessgoodness

#twilight #twilight imagines #twilight headcanons #twilight reader insert #twilight saga #edward cullen imagine #edward cullen x reader #edward cullen #bella swan #bella swan x reader #bella swan headcanon #midnight sun #superhero--imagines

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songmingisthighs · 4 years ago

Text

[15.08] badboy!seonghwa × reader

⇀ had you known that's why he confessed, would you have accepted him ? Or smack his annoyingly perfect face with your laptop ?

⇁ part 1 / 2

⇁ prologue part 1 / 2 / 3

Things had gone great between you and Seonghwa. You and he would often meet at your dorm or at the diner at least three times a week.

You'd ask him why you both never hung at his dorm but his answer was that he doesn't want the boys to disturb your 'quality time'.

Normally you'd question answers like that, but the way he looks at you and holds your hand made you forget why you even wanna ask that in the first place.

But like all things, everything dissipates with time.

Nearing the end of the semester, group projects lessen and solo assignments accumulate which put a strain between your and Seonghwa's hangout time. You've tried convincing him that you both can hang out whilst doing your solo assignments but you remembered how his eyes trailed after a girl as you spoke at one of your last hangouts at the diner.

Seems like he's lost interest in you too.

Which, it sure hurts, but you both were never official and neither had verbally confirmed to the other about their feelings. It sucks.

But you power through.

You pretend that his silence during class's group discussion didn't affect you, you pretend that when he immediately pack up his stuff to leave the class and only throwing you a polite smile didn't make your heart wrench, you pretend that him ghosting you didn't make you feel both embarrassed and angry at the same time.

You're light and breezy.

Heck, you're so light and breezy, you still go to that diner every Friday all alone. And it's not because you had hoped to see one particular man.

Even though you did.

When he was on a date with some girl who's obviously very pretty.

On the booth you both had 'claimed' as 'your booth' without ever verbally saying it.

"Hi, excuse me," a voice broke your train of thoughts.

You look up from your book to see a really handsome man standing in front of you with a smile on his face. He looks very handsome, definitely mixed-race, and he has this chill aura on him that is honestly refreshing to you.

"Sorry to bother you, but can I sit here?" He asked. You look around to see that there are a lot of other places left in the library where he could've sat.

Sensing your apprehension, the man raised both of his hands, "I'm not a creep or a weirdo, I'm just very particular about where I work,"

He's got a point. So you just nodded, "sure, it's not my table or anything anyways, you could've just taken a seat without asking my permission," he shrugged as he put his things across you, "I mean sure, but you seemed like you don't wanna be bothered and this particular spot has the best walking distance to anywhere at all and plus the secret charging port? Genius," he said, grinning proudly.

You raised your eyebrows at him, "you seem to know your way around the table, mister..." you trailed off to which he immediately caught on, "Hansol, Choi Hansol, but my friends calls me Vernon," he held his hand out for you to shake, "(Y/N), (Y/N) (Y/L/N), and why Vernon?" "My english name, I'm half American,"

And with that, you got yourself a new friend.

Vernon is a computer science major, and the other thing major about him is his nerdiness. And his hotness. Which is a ridiculous combination.

Ever since that day in the library, you both somehow find the other popping up everywhere. Just a day after your first meeting in the library, he came into the café you part-timed at. He came in to order 13 drinks and several pastries, shocking you at first but then he told you he lives in a frat house with 12 other guys and that he's not a caffeine addict.

Then you both bonded over the many sessions in the library which eventually venture out to sitting together during lunch, and then suddenly you both started meeting outside campus.

And this did not go unnoticed by Seonghwa.

"Hey, Seonghwa, how well do you know (Y/N)?" Hongjoong asked, breaking Seonghwa's glare on you and Vernon from all the way across the cafeteria.

Seonghwa raised an eyebrow at him, "(Y/N) from my statistics class?" As if he hadn't considered you as something more at some point, "I'd say well enough as a groupmate, why?" He asked back.

Hongjoong nodded towards you and Vernon with his chin, "Vernon there saw you both working together and he wants to make sure he won't be stepping on anyone's toes when he's making a move on her,"

At that moment, Seonghwa almost choked on his fries. Too surprised with the fact that you've possibly moved on from him so quickly.

It's only been a month and a half since you both stopped hanging out outside of obligation.

Hearing that made his blood boil and he's pretty sure it's not jealousy. Most likely territorialism. HE took interest in you first waaaaay before Vernon did.

The smile and laugh you give Vernon was supposed to be for him. He used to make you laugh so hard at any stupid pun he concocted in his head. No matter how stupid it is nor how much it doesn't make any sense.

To be completely honest, he didn't know why he pulled away from you in the first place. He had been so comfortable with you, never once had he ever let his guard down and just be carefree, not even with his closest friends.

He needs to get you back to him.

No matter what.

So he made his move the next time you both had statistics again.

Unlucky for him though, the professor decided to not have any group discussion that day which threw Seonghwa's plan out the window. But thankfully he still remembered your schedule, you don't have any class after statistics which means you'd be grabbing a simple lunch before your part-time job starts until 8 pm.

So he waited patiently for the bell to ring.

Legs bouncing in anticipation as his eyes flit towards the clock every five minutes.

When the professor finally dismissed the class (10 minutes later than he's supposed to, as per usual), he immediately put all his belongings back in his bag and ran after you. Somehow you've mastered the art of cleaning up quickly over the month and a half without him.

"(Y/N)! Wait!" Seonghwa called.

You stopped in your tracks and turn your head to see Seonghwa jogging towards you with that stupid, charming smile on his face.

Damn his good looks.

"Yeah? Is there something wrong?" you asked him when he caught up to you. He raised an eyebrow at you, confused as to why you'd think there'd be anything wrong.

"Ah!" you suddenly exclaimed, "Is this about my part of the presentation? Don't worry, I'm close to finishing it, I should be able to compile it in the PPT tonight by... 9.30-ish? I have to finish my shift at the café," you explained.

He chuckled at you, deep voice that you oh so missed ringing in your ears, "wha- no, (Y/N), I'm not here to talk about our project, I just wanna... talk with you," he said, tilting his head to the side slightly. It somehow made him look both hot and cute at the same time. Which doesn't make sense.

Now it was your turn to raise an eyebrow at him while crossing your arms, "why? No offence, Seonghwa, but you've kinda been blowing me off for the past month and a half now, what makes you think I'd have anything to talk with you about?"

Those words coming out of your mouth shocked him. It's not like he didn't expect some apprehension from you, but hostility? Boy, you must've been really affected by his shitty doings.

"I-I- no, (Y/N), I haven't been blowing you off," bullshit, even he knows that, "I've just been really-" "really... what? Absent? Ghosty? Hot and cold? Whatever it is, Seonghwa, you don't owe me any explanation," you tried your best to not roll your eyes at him because honestly, how dare he blew you off and now acting like he didn't whilst hoping you don't notice what he has been doing.

What did he take you for? One of his brainless bimbos?

Surprised at your words, Seonghwa was left stunned. You waited for a solid 10 seconds for him to say something. Anything.

Literally, how hard is it to say sorry?

Realizing he wouldn't realize what he's supposed to do, you just shook your head at him, "I'll finish inputting and editing my part by tonight, I'll see you in class next week, Seonghwa," you said before walking away.

You would've thought that he'd take the hint and go back to ignoring you.

But now, of course not. He's stubborn and he plays by his own rules. It's an understatement to say that you were shocked when you saw him entering the café nearing the end of your shift.

Despite the shock of seeing him, you pretended like nothing's wrong and do what you're supposed to do to any other customer as per usual.

Heck, you'd give yourself a pat on the back, head, and butt for being so calm whilst handling Seonghwa. You managed to keep that "strictly professional" smile on your face as you take his orders, you didn't fumble when he made small talks as you typed in his orders into the computer (like really, who the heck said "good thing tonight's not cloudly, love the moonlight," ??), and you didn't flinch when your hands accidently touch as you hand him his strawberry frappucino.

Yes, the badboy strictly and secretly drink sweet, fruity drinks.

You'd thought that his presence was merely a coincidence. As he waited in his table, you had assumed that he's waiting for some girl (who isn't you, sadly) so all you wanna do is run out of there as soon as you can.

"Hey, Jaemin," you called your co-worker who's in the middle of sipping his 6 shot americano at 8 pm, "I'm gonna head out, okay? Think you can hold the fort until Yena's here? She said she has to turn in an assignment, that's why she's late,"

Jaemin just rolled his eyes at you, "(Y/N), I'm drinking coffee that's powerful enough to paralyze a horse, I can definitely handle the slow Wednesday night crowd," he said sarcastically to which you laugh.

After getting your things from your locker in the back room, you proceed to go out through the front door.

Unbeknownst to you, Seonghwa had followed behind.

You were only several steps away from the café when suddenly Seonghwa caught up to you and grab your hand.

Knowing that it's quite late and it's dark, Seonghwa should've known better. You honestly only feel slightly bad for punching his chest.

Slightly.

Like 2%.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Seonghwa you scared the devil out of me!" You exclaimed after realizing that it was just him, pulling your hand away from his grip. He coughed, trying to ease oxygen back to his lungs after you had brutally knocked them out.

"Guess I deserved that," he coughed out, but he was smirking as if he's amused by your attack, "sorry, I was just- I need to talk to you," he said, looking at you pleadingly.

"Well, it doesn't seem like that for the past month and a half, Seonghwa, you seemed just about done with me," you said while crossing your arms, your expression showing nothing but disdain at him. He seems to feel remorse after seeing how you looked at him. Never once did you showed any negativity nor hostility to him during the time you both spent together.

Seonghwa didn't really know what made him pull away from you. All he was sure of is that he felt something so strongly about you to the point that it scared him so much. He never felt the need to be with someone as much as when he was with you. He found himself thinking about you when you're both not together, he found himself only focusing on you and nothing else when you both are together, and he found his vulnerabilities open for you to access.

It scared him to hell and back when he realizes that there is a possibility of him wanting something more from you.

With you.

The man before you sighed, "I... Have no excuse for how I acted recently but believe me when I said that I regret pulling myself away from you because I'm scared, you're too good to and for someone like me, you deserve the best and I wanna be the best for you," he stepped closer to take both your hands in his, his eyes were genuine which rendered you incapable of being too mad at him, "I wish I could rewind the time and take back what I did, I never should have pulled away from you, I should have just told you the truth," he said.

For a second, he forgot about his image and he just let whatever he was feeling out, he wanted to make sure that you understand how he truly feels.

Both of you stood in silence, just staring at each other as he rubs his thumb on the back of your hand. With the way you're staring at him now, he was sure that your initial resolve had completely melted.

But suddenly from his peripheral vision, he saw Vernon coming out of a bookstore across the road and was looking around.

Remembering what prompted him to get closer to you again, he pulled you in close into his arms, a hand to your cheek and lips just centimetres away from his.

"So? Would you please give me another chance to show you how much you mean to me? Not as just some guy from your statistics class," his words made you chuckle and roll your eyes, "but as your boyfriend," he said before he could stop himself.

Your eyes widened, "m-me? With y-you? Boyfriend and girlfriend?" you choked out, not believing your ears in the first place. You wanted to make sure that he's not kidding, making a joke or making a fool out of you.

Instead of answering, however, he simply leaned in and places his lips softly on yours. The kiss was sweet, it conveyed how much he wants and misses you. For some reason it made you feel comforted, he feels like home and his arms makes you feel safe.

So then and there, you kiss him back as a form of an answer to him.

When you both finally pull away, you both could see dumb smiles decorating the other's face, proof of happiness over what just happen.

Remembering that you're in the middle of the road and there are people around you, you pulled away from his arms first but reached to tangle your hand in his.

"Come on, I believe I owed my groupmate my part of the presentation," you started as you walk, pulling him with you.

But as you walk, you turn your head at him to throw a flirty smirk, "boyfriend" you said, making him grin so wide, it could rival a Cheshire cat.

Maybe you and he isn't a bad idea at all.

All you can do now is hope that he won't break you.

#ateez #ateez scenario #ateez imagine #timestamp #ateez timestamp #ateez au #kpop boys #kpop scenario #kpop imagine #seonghwa #park seonghwa #smt #smt timestamp #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #kpop au

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nothoughtsonlynat · 4 years ago

Text

Human (Natasha Romanoff)

Human: Chapter 1

A/N: Troyes, France is 6 hours ahead of NYC so 7pm there is 1pm in NYC. For the sake of this fic we’re going to pretend that the Battle of New York lasted quite a few hours.

*This is my first ever fic and I wrote it at 3am so bear with me

WARNINGS: swearing; mentions of weapons; violence; panic attack; anxiety; my crappy writing; and I think that’s it (lmk if there’s anything I should add)

Barcelona, Spain; January, 2012:

The repetitive ticking of the clock registered in my brain before my eyes even opened. I didn’t need that clock to know what time it was, of course. It was 4:30 am— the same time I've woken up everyday for the past twenty-five years of my life. I no longer need to wake up this early, yet it’s a habit so deeply engrained in my framework that it’s seemingly unbreakable. I roll out of bed and make my way into the dingy kitchen with light footsteps. With some quick math I figured that I got barely two hours of sleep last night, but that’s more than usual. I started the coffee machine and asked with a sigh, “Would you like some coffee or are you just going to lurk in the corner?”

The leather-clad stranger with an eyepatch stepped up to the kitchen island opposite of me and responded, “I wouldn’t mind a cup. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that you knew I was here.”

“Well, you know what they say about old habits. You got a name?”

“You can call me Fury. We have a lot to talk about, Eight.” I slid him a mug of cheap coffee and gestured for him to take a seat.

“Then we’d better get started so you can get the hell out of my apartment.” He simply chuckled in response and I could already feel my patience wavering.

Two Hours Later:

“Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division? Really, dude?”

“Yeah, it’s a mouthful. Trust me I know.”

“I’m sorry that you came all this way for nothing, Fury, but there’s no way in hell I'm working for some government spy circus.”

“It’s technically an extra-governmental spy agency-“

“Doesn’t matter. I’m not joining,” I said, cutting him off.

“So, you’re just gonna hop from one shitty apartment to the next until you die? That doesn’t seem like a great life.”

“Better than the one I lived before.”

“You aren’t the person to live in hiding. You’re the person who thrives in the action and lives to kick ass, and we both know it.” When I didn’t respond he continued, “I’ll leave you my card. When you change your mind, which you will, you’ll know where to find me. You don’t have to be the bad guy anymore, Eight.” With that he slid off the stool and left my apartment, leaving me with nothing but my rapidly spiraling thoughts and a black business card.

Troyes, France; May, 2012:

It had been four months since Director Fury came to my apartment in Barcelona. We’d kept in contact and he hasn’t given up on me joining S.H.I.E.L.D.. I'm living in my third apartment since then. Wow…those landlords must really hate me. I was watching the seven o’clock news when I saw something that made me choke on my Cheerios. “An alien invasion?! What the fu-” My Cheerio-muffled exclamation was interrupted by the ring of my burner phone. “Hello?”

“Eight, you watched the news recently?”

“Uh yeah, I'm watching it now. You fighting aliens now, Nicky?”

“Okay first of all, I told you to stop calling me that. Second, yes… aliens. I’m forming a team of…extraordinary people to help protect against these threats and they could really use a hand to finish off this fight.”

“I may be weird as hell but I ain't ‘extraordinary’, Fury. I don’t wanna join your band of misfits.”

“Alright, how about a compromise? You fly your fancy jet here right now and help them out and if you still don’t wanna join once the battle is over, you can go right back to France and I’ll stop bothering you about joining.” After a few seconds of silence I agreed.

“Fine, but I’m not gonna change my mind. Wait, how do you know about my jet?”

He gave a hearty laugh and said “I know everything, Eight. You should know that by now.”

New York, New York; 96 Minutes Later:

I flew my jet into the city, making sure to take out a few flying Chitauri in the process. We don’t need to talk about how I got my hands on a German jet that can fly 2100mph. I saw a few interesting characters standing in a circle fighting off an endless sea of aliens. I maneuvered the jet and— wait…is that guy wearing blue tights? Is this what Fury meant by extraordinary? Whatever. I landed in the street about 20 yards away and killed the engines. I hopped out and started jogging towards the group. A couple of them turned around, probably wondering who the hell the chick in the black uniform is and— whoa that’s a beautiful woman. After realizing my steps had literally faltered in a mini gay panic, I slowed to a walk and said “Y’all need a hand?”

“Depends on whose hand it is,” replied the redheaded source of my panic.

“I’m a friend of Fury’s. He practically begged me to come save your asses.”

“Fury doesn’t beg,” she said in a doubtful tone.

“Not typically, but I'm just that awesome. If you don’t believe me then call him up but I’m gonna go kill some aliens.” With that I took off down another street where there was a group of the repulsive bastards. After unloading all of my magazines into Chitauri bodies, I switched to my swords and daggers. After another hour or so of fighting, there were no more aliens in sight. I started jogging toward the rich dude’s tower when I saw said rich dude falling through the rapidly-closing portal. I stopped next to Mr. Blue Tights and the buff blonde guy with the hammer when the big green dude grabbed Mr. Rich Dude from the sky and landed next to us. The green guy yelled, waking Mr. Rich Dude up with a start. “What the hell? What happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me. Except for her, she’s pretty hot,” he said nodding toward me. Just then the redhead jogged over to us and eyed my blood-soaked form from head to toe.

“See something you like, Red?”

“No. I’m pretty sure I'd be classified as a sadist if I liked the sight of that much blood,” she said with a raise of her eyebrow.

“Yeah that’s fair.” She shook her head at me with a small smirk. There was barely a second of silence when Mr. Rich Dude spoke up.

“Anybody want shawarma?”

Three Hours Later:

I had gone to the Triskelion after the band of misfits apprehended Loki. Agent Hill showed me where to park my jet and directed me to a room so I could shower and stay the night if I wanted to. I had put on black jeans, a white tee, and a black jean jacket, all of which had been in a to-go bag in my jet. I was toweling off my hair when someone knocked on the door. I opened the door to see none other than the one-eyed-wonder standing there. “What can I do for you, Nicky?”

“The Avengers are being debriefed in Conference Room 6B in ten minutes. You should come.”

“The Avengers? Is that what you’re calling them? That’s cute. But I'm not an Avenger and I don’t want to be an Avenger, so no thanks.”

“You should come anyway.”

“I don’t actually have a choice, do I?”

“You know me so well, Eight,” he said with an amused grin.

I walked into the conference room and the Avengers were already there. Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Thor, and Natasha Romanoff—whose names I learned from Hill�� were scattered around a large table, along with Fury. Romanoff eyed me from where she was standing and arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at me. I squinted my eyes and wiggled my eyebrows in response, and I could see her stifle a laugh. “What’s your name?” She accompanied the question with a blank expression, which made me feel oh-so-special.

“That’s a very personal question, Miss Romanoff. Let’s slow the pace, please.”

“You know my name but I can’t know yours? That doesn’t seem fair.”

“The world isn’t fair, Miss Romanoff, and I love a good mystery.”

“If you two are done flirting, we have business to attend to,” interjected Fury.

“Right, my apologies, Nicky.”

“Don’t call me that, Eight.”

After an excruciating 43 minutes and 27 seconds, Fury finally let us leave. I was so close to freedom when that unbelievably sexy voice called to me. “Eight!” Romanoff hastily walked towards me in an effort to catch up.

“Yeah?”

“Is your name actually Eight?”

“If you want it to be.”

“Why are you so damn stubborn?”

“It amuses me, Red.” There was a brief silence during which both of us were trying to figure out if the conversation was over.

I was about to leave when she continued, “So that’s it? You’re just gonna leave?”

“Well, no. I’m going to stay the night, steal some really expensive jet fuel, and then leave in the morning before Fury can get up my ass about joining his little team.”

She rolled her eyes and responded, “Why won’t you join the Avengers? And why won’t you tell me your real name?”

“It’s just not my style. I’d rather fly solo.”

“You ignored my second question.”

“Then maybe you should take the hint and stop asking.” With that I turned around and started walking away, but a hand on my arm stopped me dead in my tracks. Alarms started going off in my head, and I'm pretty sure Romanoff was saying something to me but I was too caught up in the memories of beatings, punishments, and psychological conditioning to register it. After a few of the longest seconds of my life, the white of my vision cleared up and the voice telling me ‘physical contact is strictly forbidden’ faded into the background. My heart was still hammering in my chest and I was trying to keep my breathing steady despite the inevitable panic attack trying to drag me under, I regained my neutral expression and said. “Sorry, did you say something?”

“Are you okay?” She had a concerned expression and if I wasn’t so blinded with anxiety, I would’ve appreciated how cute the furrow of her eyebrows was.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just gonna turn in. It’s been a long day.” I turned around and walked back to my temporary room at a brutal pace. As soon as the door closed behind me, hot tears raced down my cheeks and I lost the ability to breathe. It was gonna be a long night.

3:21 am:

I finally managed to calm myself down and stop the panic attack after almost four hours. Well, I passed out because I couldn’t breathe but it did calm me down. Trying to sleep would be pointless, so I decided to leave before anyone woke up. I didn’t really have much to pack so I grabbed my duffel bag and left the room. I made it to the corridor attached to the landing pads and ran into the one person I really didn’t want to see. “What are you doing out and about, Red?”

“I’ve got places to be and things to do. Were you just going to sneak out in the middle of the night like a teenager with a rebellious streak?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing, actually. Do you need a ride? Where are you going?”

“Madrid. Fury said I could hitch a ride on another plane that’s headed for Germany.”

“Well I’m going to France if you wanna ride with me. My jet will get you there a lot faster.” She studied me for what felt like way too long, probably debating if I would try to kill her or not. You know how spies are with their trust issues.

“What the hell, why not?”

And that is how I ended up in a jet with “Candy Shop” playing over the speakers and Natasha Romanoff in the copilot seat yelling at me to, and I quote, ‘slow the fuck down.’ “Why would I slow down, you psycho?! That’s the whole damn point of this thing!”

“Where did you even get a German jet this fast?”

“Germany.”

“No shit Sherlock. How did you get it?”

“I went to Germany, stopped in at the local speedy-jet dealership, and walked out with this beauty.”

“Sarcasm is a defense mechanism, you know? You’re only being like this to keep me from seeing the real you. You built walls. You want everyone to think you’re fine when in reality, you’re falling apart.”

“Okay…um…there was no need for that, Dr. Romanoff. I can find my own therapist, thank you very much. And don’t go pretending you’re all healthy in the head, Miss Assassin.” It was quiet for all of five seconds before we both burst into laughter.

Madrid, Spain:

I landed the jet at the local S.H.I.E.L.D. base and killed the engines. Romanoff and I removed our headsets and I stood to help her get her bags. “Welp, I’ll see you around I guess.” I really wasn’t good at this type of thing. Or any social interactions, really. Twenty-four years in a cell will do that to you.

“Will I? See you around, I mean?”

“Um, I don’t really know, honestly. I’m not part of S.H.I.E.L.D. so we won’t just run into each other or anything but…”

“Why won’t you join S.H.I.E.L.D.? I mean what else are you doing?”

“Ohhh, I see. You just love me so much that you don’t want me to leave. You’re gonna miss me so much-” I was cut off when she threw her backpack at my head. “Hey! You’re lucky I caught that! Freaking crazy woman.”

When our laughter died down she said, “Well I should probably go. Thank you for the ride.”

“Of course. Hitchhikers are always welcome aboard my beloved jet.” A small smile appeared on her face and she stepped forward to give me a hug but she must’ve seen my body go rigid because she stepped back. She might’ve said something but the voice in my head was too loud for me to understand her. I don’t know how long it was before I unfroze but when I did, she was gone. I walked to the front of the jet and started the journey to France.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff #black widow #black widow x reader #natasha romanoff angst #natasha romanoff fluff

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indestructibleheart · 3 years ago

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It’s my favorite time of year! I missed out on this incredible fest when I first joined the fandom last January, but you bet I was thrilled to join @scfrozenover this year. After all, I’m a winter bitch stuck in the tropics. So, I wrote over 30K in winter fic. Surprise! As my pal Taylor Swift would say, ‘tis the damn season.

Huge, huge shoutout to the mods for organizing this fest (and for also being patient with me when I needed a second extension for one of them). Love ya’ll! Happy Holidays. ⛄❄️

Day 3:

Yule Shoot Your Eye Out

[Stevie & David, David/Patrick, Stevie/Ruth - T - 1,563]

Stevie and David, much like the snow, thaw over time.

---

Day 5:

and we’d swear to remember it (all too well)

[David/Patrick, Stevie & David, Alexis/Ted - E - 9,650]

“Come with me,” he’d said, hands tracing along Patrick’s shoulders. “We can go to New York together. My family has money now — we can do whatever we want, go wherever we want.” He’d moved his hands to cup his face, thumbs gently brushing against his cheeks. “You’re too good for this town.”

Patrick had recoiled at David’s words like they’d been some kind of heavy accusation, rather than a compliment. And that’d been it: the beginning of the end. Though David never would’ve guessed that’s where the conversation had been headed at the time. If David had known, he would’ve slammed on the brakes before they’d careened off the track. He would’ve pulled the lever to change course. He would’ve done anything, if he’d known then what he does now.

When David returns to his hometown for the holidays, he reminisces about his first love and where things went wrong. He doesn’t expect to, y'know, hook up with that ex, be mistaken as ‘back together’ by that ex’s mother, and end up faking a relationship for Christmas Eve. That wasn’t really the plan, but 'tis the season, amirite?

---

Day 6:

Making Spirits Bright

[David/Patrick, Patrick & Rachel - M - 6,137]

“Okay, here’s the thing,” she explains. “The only thing that determines your future is your actions, which means nothing is set in stone. Not yet.“ She gestures to the scene in front of them."If you wake up, go back to your life, and don’t change anything you’re doing, this is your future. This is where you’re headed. But that doesn’t mean it’s the only future available to you.”

Patrick Brewer has resigned himself to a life he doesn’t actually want, but on Christmas Eve, a ghost visits his dreams to show him what the past says about his present… and an even better future.

Yep — it’s basically 'A Christmas Carol’ for Patrick.

---

Day 8:

lights like you (glow all year long) w/ @lilythesilly

[David/Patrick, Stevie/Ruth - E - 18,840]

Shakespeare said, “Journeys end in lovers meeting,” which is an extraordinary thought. To think that we all spend our lives on a quest to be loved, and we can rest like the hero victorious once we find it — well, it’s a nice idea, isn’t it? It may even be true… for some people.

For people like David Rose and Ruth Clancy, however, love has always been a little bit complicated… It hasn’t been freely given or simply found; it’s something that’s always been earned or bought.

See, because Shakespeare also said that “love is blind,” — and, with that, they can agree.

They’ve certainly never felt like it looked at them twice.

OR: After discovering that his parents have secretly funded (ahem, bribed) his way to success, David Rose turns to one of his favorite romantic comedies for comfort… and advice. He ends up swapping homes with a similarly career-minded Canadian named Ruth for a much-needed solo vacation. While Ruth navigates bustling New York City, David settles in a cozy small-town cottage in Nowhere, Ontario. As it turns out, they may have been looking for happiness in all the wrong places all along.

with mischief in sight, we’re all merry and bright w/ @anniemurphys, @nerdframed, @sarahlevys, & @turningtimeinthetardis

[Alexis/Twyla, Stevie/Ruth - T - 7,510]

It’s easier for Stevie to avoid sharing details about her dating life with Mr. Rose at first, but the endless questions about why she’s single have worn her down enough that by the time December rolls around, she chooses to ask for a favour from her oldest friend.

‘Dating’ Twyla is a tiny white lie… It’s small, well-calculated. A tiny white lie. One that only has to hold up for a few hours during David and Patrick’s holiday party.

What harm could it do?

#m:sc #steviewrites #rb: fest #fandom:sc

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lucienballard · 4 years ago

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The Velvet Underground’s 30 greatest songs – ranked!

30. Ride Into the Sun (1969)The Velvets recorded two versions of Ride Into the Sun: a fabulous 1969 instrumental laden with fuzz guitar and a hushed 1970 vocal take backed by organ. Somewhere between the two lies one of their great lost songs; Lou Reed’s disappointingly flat 1972 solo version doesn’t do it justice at all.

29. Run Run Run (1967)For all the shock engendered by the lyrics of Heroin and I’m Waiting for My Man, the most malevolent-sounding track on the debut album might be Run Run Run, a powerful R&B groove lent a gripping darkness by Reed’s noisy guitar playing and the screw-you-I-take-drugs sneer of his vocals.

28. Beginning to See the Light (1969)The title suggests awakening, the melody is bright, but the lyrics are dark and bitter. They may have been directed at John Cale, who played on an initial version of the song, which was subsequently re-recorded after Reed sacked him, against the wishes of his bandmates. A ferocious 1969 live version amps up the tension.

27. Foggy Notion (1969)Reed was a lifelong doo-wop fan. His passion usually found its expression when the Velvet Underground recorded backing vocals for their ballads – as on Candy Says – but the tough, rocking Foggy Notion went a stage further, gleefully stealing a chunk of the Solitaires’ 1955 single Later for You Baby.

26. The Gift (1968)In which the band set a two-chord grind that may, or may not, have been based on their instrumental Booker T in one channel and a blackly comic Reed short story read by Cale in the other. “If you’re a mad fiend like we are, you’ll listen to them both together,” offered the producer, Tom Wilson.

25. Guess I’m Falling in Love (1967)Recorded at the White Light/White Heat sessions, but never completed, the April 1967 live recording of Guess I’m Falling in Love – taped at the Gymnasium in New York – will more than suffice. It boasts three chords, a distinct rhythm and blues influence, Reed in streetwise, so-what punk mode and explosive guitar solos somehow potentiated by the rough sound quality.

24. Temptation Inside Your Heart (1968)“It was not Mein Kampf – my struggle,” the guitarist Sterling Morrison once reflected of the Velvet Underground’s career. “It was fun.” A delightful late Cale-era outtake that inadvertently captured Morrison, Cale and Reed’s giggly backchat as they recorded the backing vocals, Temptation Inside Your Heart bears that assessment out.

23. New Age (1970)New Age comes in two varieties. Take your pick from the world-weary, small-hours rumination found on 1969: The Velvet Underground Live, or the more epic studio version that the Velvets biographer Victor Bockris suggested was “an attempt to present some encouraging statements to a confused audience as the 70s began”. Both are superb.

22. After Hours (1969)The Velvets’ eponymous 1969 album ends, improbably, with the drummer, Moe Tucker, singing a song that could have dated from the pre-rock era. The twist is that her childlike voice and the cute melody conceals an almost unbearably sad song, ostensibly a celebration of small-hours boozing, but filled with longing and regret.

21. I Can’t Stand It (1969)Amid the Velvets’ songs about drugs and drag queens lurked the plaintive sound of Reed pining for his college sweetheart, Shelley Albin, the subject of Pale Blue Eyes, I Found a Reason and I Can’t Stand It. The latter’s cocky strut is disrupted by a desperate lyrical plea: “If Shelley would just come back, it’d be all right.”

20. The Black Angel’s Death Song (1967)There is something folky and vaguely Dylan-esque at the heart of The Black Angel’s Death Song, but by the time Cale had finished with it – alternately strafing it with screeching, insistent viola and hissing into the microphone in lieu of a chorus – it sounded, and still sounds, unique.

19. I Found a Reason (1970)It is one of the ironies of the Velvet Underground that the most forward-thinking, groundbreaking band of their era could occasionally sound like old-fashioned rock’n’roll revivalists. Buried on side two of Loaded was one of the loveliest of Lou Reed’s loving homages to doo-wop, complete with spoken-word section.

18. Some Kinda Love (1969)Musically straightforward, sensual in tone, Some Kinda Love is a complex business, part seduction soundtrack, part refusal to be hemmed in by standard categories of sexuality – “no kinds of love are better than others … the possibilities are endless / and for me to miss one / would seem to be groundless”. Killer line: “Between thought and expression lies a lifetime.”

17. European Son (1967)European Son isn’t a song so much as an eruption. It sounds like a band overturning the established order of rock’n’roll, almost literally: after two brief verses, it bursts into thrilling frantic chaos with a verbatim crash, like the contents of an upended table hitting the floor.

16. Rock & Roll (1970)It is hard to see Loaded’s driving, joyous hymn to music’s redemptive power – “her life was saved by rock and roll” – as anything other than disguised autobiography on the part of Reed. The suggestion that music will endure “despite all the amputations”, meanwhile, seems to look forward to his departure from the Velvet Underground.

15. Candy Says (1969)No one else in 1969 was writing songs remotely like Candy Says, a stunning, tender pen portrait of the transgender Warhol superstar Candy Darling set to a gentle doo-wop inspired backing. Its melancholy seems to presage the note Darling wrote on her deathbed in 1974: “I had no desire for life left … I am just so bored by everything.”

14. Sunday Morning (1967)Sunday Morning was written at the behest of Wilson. He wanted a single that might conceivably get on the radio; he got a haunting, melancholy sigh of a song, its battered wistfulness and undercurrent of paranoia – “watch out, the world’s behind you” – the perfect encapsulation of morning-after regret.

13. What Goes On (1969)Morrison maintained that the studio incarnation of What Goes On wasn’t a patch on the live versions the band performed with Cale on organ. Maybe, but the studio incarnation featuring Cale’s replacement, Doug Yule, is great. It prickles with nervous energy, Reed’s guitar playing is amazing, its churning coda takes up half the song and it still feels too short.

12. Femme Fatale (1967)Apparently provoked by the damaged, doomed Warhol superstar Edie Sedgwick – with whom Cale had a brief affair – Femme Fatale is as beautiful and fragile as its inspiration. The story of a wary, ruined former suitor warning others off the titular anti-heroine is lent a chilly edge by Nico’s delivery.

11. I Heard Her Call My Name (1968)In the Velvets’ early days, Reed purported to be “the fastest guitarist alive”. A berserk claim, but his Ornette Coleman-inspired solos on I Heard Her Call My Name are some of the most extraordinary and viscerally exciting in rock history, frequently atonal, spiked with ear-splitting feedback and pregnant pauses.

10. Ocean (1969)The Velvet Underground recorded Ocean several times – one version is supposed to feature the return of Cale on organ – but never released it in their lifetime, which seems extraordinary. It is among the greatest of their later songs, its atmosphere beautiful, the epic ebb and flow of its sound completely immersive.

9. I’m Waiting for the Man (1967)An unvarnished lyrical depiction of scoring drugs tied to music on which Reed’s rock’n’roll smarts and Cale’s background in minimalist classical music – the pounding, one-chord piano part – meld in a kind of relentless perfection. Amusingly, there is now a pharmacy at the song’s fabled location of Lexington 125.

8. I’ll Be Your Mirror (1967)A song about Reed’s affair with Nico that could just as easily be about Andy Warhol’s approach to art, I’ll Be Your Mirror is one of those Velvet Underground tracks that makes their initial commercial failure seem baffling. How could a pop song as wonderful as this fail to attract attention? Nico and Morrison on stage at the New York Society for Clinical Psychiatry annual dinner in 1966.

7. White Light/White Heat (1968)A delirious paean to amphetamine, its subject reflected in the lyrics – “I surely do love to watch that stuff tip itself in” – and the turbulent, distorted rush of its sound. The band appear to be barely in control as it careers along; the chaotic finale, where Cale finally loses his grip on the bass line, is just fantastic.

6. Heroin (1967)Heroin was the deal-breaker at early Velvets gigs, provoking a “howl of bewilderment and outrage”. The shock of its subject matter has dulled with time, but its surges from folky lament to sonic riot still sound breathtaking. Oddly sweet moment: Reed’s chuckle as Tucker loses her place amid the maelstrom and suddenly stops playing.

5. Pale Blue Eyes (1969)“High energy does not necessarily mean fast,” Reed once argued. “High energy has to do with heart.” Hushed, limpidly beautiful and almost unbearably sad, Pale Blue Eyes’ depiction of a strained, adulterous relationship proves his point. In its own vulnerable way, it is as powerful as anything the Velvet Underground recorded.

4. Sweet Jane (1970)Sweet Jane started life as a ballad – see the versions recorded live at the Matrix in San Francisco in 1969 – but, sped and toughened up, it became as succinct and perfect a rock’n’roll song as has ever been written, based around one of the greatest riffs of all time.

3. Venus in Furs (1967)For a band who inspired so much other music, the Velvet Underground’s catalogue is remarkably rich with songs that still sound like nothing else; they were as inimitable as they were influential. Venus in Furs is a case in point: umpteen artists were galvanised by its dark, austere atmosphere; none succeeded in replicating it.

2. Sister Ray (1968)A monumental journey into hitherto-uncharted musical territory, where a primitive garage-rock riff meets Hubert Selby-inspired lyrics and improvisation that sounds like a psychological drama playing out between Reed and Cale, all at skull-splitting volume. Fifty-three years later, it is without peer for white-knuckle intensity.

1. All Tomorrow’s Parties (1967)Ninety per cent of the Velvet Underground’s oeuvre consists of no-further-questions classics. The astonishingly high standard of almost everything they did makes picking their “best” song a matter of personal preference, rather than qualitative judgment. So let’s go for Warhol’s favourite, on which the sour and sweet aspects of their debut album entwine faultlessly. The melody is exquisite; the music monolithic and unrelenting, powered by Cale’s hammering piano and Tucker’s stately drums; Nico’s performance perfectly inhabits the lyrics, which turn a depiction of a woman choosing what dress to wear into a meditation on emptiness and regret. It is original and utterly masterly: the Velvet Underground in a nutshell.

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#the velvet underground

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amygdalagustd · 3 years ago

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Kim Namjoon on Identity

Namjoon explores the concept of identity time and time again in his life and in his music. He tends to focus on how different parts of himself might be in conflict with each other, and the tensions and confusion that goes with that experience. People are filled with duality, sometimes to the point that it tears us apart. The question of “who am I?” seems a simple one, but underneath it lies a lot of complexity. Who do I want to be? Who do other people want me to be? How much of my identity is formed by my past? Can I change who I am? Can I be multiple things at the same time? Who is the real me? What does it even mean to be the real me?

The question of “who am I?” seems to both fascinate and terrify Namjoon. In this essay we will tackle the question together as I explore all the different ways that Namjoon contemplates identity in lyrics and interviews.

From his decision to become a rapper in the first place to the struggle of taking care of himself as a world famous idol to the questioning of what having an identity actually means, we will travel through Namjoon’s career and highlight all the moments that he asks himself:

“Who the hell am I?”

It’s no secret that Namjoon was a very intelligent and driven student who got good grades in school. In his earlier lyrics he often writes about the pressure that was put on him to succeed and follow a certain path in life. As someone who was good at studying it was expected of him to prioritize his education above all else. Namjoon fit into that role well, but behind the scenes his heart was longing for music. He discovered rap and decided that he wanted a different path for his life. BTS’s early work is filled with messages of following your dreams and not letting other people decide what type of life you want to live. Namjoon often talked about the struggles of living in between the expectations of those around him and his own desires for his future. Some of those conflicting feelings are expressed in Voice, the intro song to his 2015 mixtape RM:

Straight A student and underground rapper

I occupied myself all day with being graded with meaningless numbers like beef gets graded

I just wanted to succeed

because that’s the only thing I was told by others so much that I almost got sick of it

The mirage called happiness- I thought it would be held there

But, sitting at my desk, I was never happy, not for a single moment

I secretly hid a blank sheet of paper between the pages of my study book without my mom’s knowing

My identity that I wrote down along the sound of drums and bass

The feeling of breathing that is different from that of receiving grade reports

Even when I was the top of my class, my mind was never at ease

Is it absolutely necessary to want something that others want?

I secretly raise the volume of my voice

so that you can know, so that it can reach you

I again raise the volume of my voice

so that you can know, so that it can reach you

He also touches on the subject in Born Singer, which was released in 2013:

To be honest, I was scared that I was to prove myself after talking big

that I, who used to know only pen and book, was then to surprise the world

I dunno, that I and the world’s expectations are too asymmetric,

I was scared that I might betray everyone who trusted me

I stretch my burdened shoulders and step onto the very first stage

BTS and Namjoon will continue to talk about the pressure of society's expectations and the difficulty of following your own path in songs like No More Dream, N.O and School of Tears. Fighting back against the oppressive school system is a huge part of their message and mission in their early career. They ask their fans and themselves to look at the person that they are expected to become and question if that image is in line with their own dreams and desires. Namjoon wrestled with this question himself, and therefore has the experience and passion to guide others who might be struggling with their identity and the identity that is put on them.

Idol and artist

The concept of being an idol vs being an artist is one that comes back often in BTS lyrics. Namjoon is an underground rapper who ended up in a boyband, and the identity of being an idol is one that he has wrestled with quite a bit. Can you be both an idol and an artist? Does becoming an idol mean that you have to give up on being an artist? Does it matter if you call yourself an idol or an artist? Does it matter what other people say about it?

Namjoon mentions this conflicting identity in Awakening on his 2015 mixtape RM:

Every night I fight myself inside me

My heart pounds, and my colleagues stab me in the back

saying I became a cripple after going into a company

Yeah fuck you I’m an idol, yeah yeah i’m an idol

I hated it at one time but now I love to get that title

Unlike some keep denying [their identity] to the end on television,

I now fully accept myself, and I just do me

Whether I’m an idol or an artist- it actually never mattered

The way you guys look at me was what defined me

I was obsessed over titles and hung up on how people described me

Listen to the rap of the guy who became a bit smarter as time passed

Namjoon gets shit for being an idol from the underground rap scene and gets shit for being an artist from the idol scene. He is hovering in between, writing his rap lyrics with the power and authenticity of a hip hop artist while simultaneously dancing and looking like a full fledged boyband member. He responds to this dilemma with unwavering pride, the drive to prove himself and a fuck you attitude. This energy dominates a lot of early BTS music. They are still trying to find their place in the industry while not really knowing where exactly they belong. Songs like the Cyphers and Mic Drop highlight the anger they feel about the mistreatment they face from both sides of the industry while boasting about their accomplishments and pride in who they are. Just like Namjoon in Awakening, Yoongi also often mentions his struggles with the identity of being an idol in his solo work. In Idol, the title track of the 2018 album Love Yourself: Answer, BTS face the subject head on:

You can call me artist

You can call me idol

Or you can call me anything else

I don’t care

I’m proud of it

I’m free

No more irony

Because I’ve been me all the time

You can point your fingers at me, I don’t care at all

Whatever reason you have to denigrate me,

I know what I am

I know what I want

I never gon’ change

I never gon’ trade

Why do you talk loud “blah blah”

I do what I do, so mind your own business

You can’t stop me loving’ myself

Idol is a proud, joyful, wonderfully weird and confident self love anthem. It’s a celebration of who BTS are at their core. In the song, they have accepted all the different aspects of their identity and they don’t feel the need to fit in with just one label. In the future, they will go on to say that BTS’s genre is just BTS, and they see no point in categorizing themselves.

RM and Namjoon

In 2018, BTS released a documentary series called Burn The Stage. The series followed them throughout the Wings tour and was supposed to show a more raw version of them.

In episode 6, Namjoon said:

Being an idol star, you don’t have a choice but to have two identities. I invested a lot in my identity as BTS and RM, and this is really a dilemma. We need to find ways to overcome this, and I’m trying different things. I study, I read books. I need time to be wholly me, the original me that I know.

Everyone in BTS has a stage name, a person they become when they present themselves in front of their fans. On stage Namjoon is RM, a fierce and confident rapper, a powerful and charming performer, a dependable leader and someone who lives a fiery and intense life.

Behind the scenes, Namjoon is Namjoon, a man in his twenties who is trying to figure out how to be an adult just like everyone else. He likes to go on bike rides, take care of plants, go to museums, read books and spend time in nature. He gets lazy and reads webtunes for 5 hours straight and sometimes argues with the people around him because they annoy him.

Namjoon spends the years of his youth as part of BTS, in the public eye, and sometimes that causes tension between these different parts of himself; the stage persona and the private person. In Break The Silence: The Movie which came out in 2020, there was a lot of talk about identity. During one of Namjoon’s segments he said:

There is also the fear of how well I’m taking care of myself, the Kim Namjoon as a person. Aside from money, fame, and a sense of calling, what do I really have? When you have those things all other things start to feel really valuable. Those who don’t have them would find them really special. I think it’s a repetition of that, so for me, there is a fear about whether I’m faithfully living the story of my life to the fullest.

He also mentions this dilemma in Airplane pt.2 on the 2018 album Love Yourself: Tear where the lyrics go:

Who should I live as today, Kim Namjoon or RM?

25, I still don’t know how to live well

For Namjoon and anyone in BTS, there is no simple answer to this question, as the nature of their job puts them in a position that makes it hard for them to develop a sense of self outside of the work they are doing. Even though Namjoon is part of an incredibly successful band, that doesn't mean he got it all figured out. As he has poured his youth and his energy into becoming the best performer he can be, he now feels like the Kim Namjoon behind the scenes deserves some energy and space to exist too.

Rap Monster and RM

Before Namjoon was RM, Namjoon was Rap Monster, a stage name that he used until November of 2017. The name Rap Monster fits the fierce and somewhat angst-ridden style of music that Namjoon was making in the beginning of his career. He decided to move on from the name in 2017 because it was no longer representative of him and the music that he was making.

In an interview with Entertainment Tonight Namjoon said that RM could stand for many things. He mentioned Real Me as one of the possibilities, but seems to prefer not to pin one specific meaning to the name.

In another interview with J-14 Magazine when asked what kind of advice he would give to himself in 2013, he said:

Hey Namjoon, Don’t name yourself Rap Monster. You’re a human. You’re not a monster. You’re a beautiful human.

Namjoon has often said that one of his missions in life is to love himself. This struggle to love himself often reflects in his lyrics, and now also in his decision to change his stage name, as the old one had some negative connotations to it. Perhaps Namjoons struggle with self acceptance, self worth and self love is one of the reasons that identity is such a big theme for him, as he is trying to figure out how to be a Namjoon that he can love. RM is a stage name that is more aligned with that goal as it leaves more room for flexibility and change.

Map of the Soul

The subject of identity is explored to the fullest in the Map of the Soul era that started with Map of the Soul: Persona in 2019, followed up by Map of the Soul: 7 in 2020.

Map of the Soul is inspired by the ideas of psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung. The words persona, shadow and ego that are used in Map of the Soul come directly from his theory. BTS uses these concepts to examine different parts of themselves and their career over time. A lot of this era feels like a final examination of the question that Namjoon has been asking himself in different ways throughout his entire career: Who am I?

In Intro: Persona, the opener to both albums, Namjoon writes about his journey with identity in the first few lines of the song:

“Who am I,” a question that I’ve been asking myself for my whole life

A question that I will probably never be able to find the right answer for

If I were answerable with only a few words,

God wouldn’t have created all those many beauties

Namjoon realizes that he will probably never have a clear answer to the question of “who am I?” and he accepts that. He recognizes that his identity can’t be summed up by a few words or traits and that this isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes it can feel more secure to build our entire sense of identity around one aspect of ourselves (I am a straight A student, I am an underground rapper) but that puts us in a position without flexibility and without space for growth. As different parts of ourselves clash with each other we end up feeling scattered, unsure of who we are, and angry at ourselves. It’s only when those different parts of ourselves are allowed to co-exist that we can find peace and a true sense of self.

BTS will talk about this idea in other songs too, like in Idol, where Taehyung sings:

There are tens and hundreds of myself within me

Today, I greet my another self

They are all me after all,

so I just run rather than worrying

The notion also comes back in the speech that BTS held for the United Nations in 2018. The final message of that speech was to find your name and find your voice by speaking yourself. There was a lot of talk about losing your identity as a young child in favor of fitting in, and Namjoon encouraged everyone to be their own person and to find their own voice back. Throughout the speech he mentions how he is both an idol and artist, Kim Namjoon and RM, and also just an ordinary 24 year old guy. He is saying that he can be many things at once and strives to love all those different parts of himself at the same time.

In the final verses of Intro: Persona, Namjoon boldly and confidently claims that he is no longer ashamed of the different parts inside of him, writing:

Yeah my name is R

The ‘me’ who I remember and who people know

The ‘me’ who I created by myself to speak my mind

Yeah, I might have been deceiving myself, I might have been lying

But, I’m not ashamed of it, this is the map of my soul

The lyrics continue, focusing on duality, complexity and balance within his identity, accepting the different parts of himself that coexist together even if they clash:

Dear myself

You must never lose your temperature

because you don’t need to be warm or cold

Though I might sometimes pretend I’m good and sometimes pretend I’m evil,

this is the barometer of my direction that I want to set

The ‘me’ who I want to be

The ‘me’ who people want

The ‘me’ who you love

And the ‘me’ who I craft

The ‘me’ who’s smiling

The ‘me’ who’s crying sometimes

Living and breathing every second, every moment, even now

Within these lyrics there is a tone of direction and intent rather than one of being lost and questioning. This tone is very strong throughout the entire Map of the Soul concept, especially in ON, suggesting that maybe “finding” your identity isn’t about anxiously defining every single part of your personality, it’s more about choosing who you want to be and boldly pursuing the world as an incomplete human being. In the end, there is no simple answer to the question of “who am I?” and that’s okay.

All lyrics translations come from Doolset. Visit the website for additional notes and interpretations of BTS lyrics.

#bts #namjoon #rm #my writing #bts essay #long post #identity

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cyberloops · 4 years ago

Audio

I think it’s not just pandemic fatigue that’s been making it hard for me to work lately. I think I’ve been feeling disconnected from my music. I keep sitting down with a guitar or at my keyboard and noodling around. Lately I just haven’t been able to sit down and open up Acid or any other DAW and start fiddling around in there.

I was thinking about using my stimulus money to finally take the plunge and actually buy some equipment. Up until now the only real equipment I’ve bought are things like keyboards that plug into computers that I already own, and software to do things with it. But there’s a disconnect. There’s a layer of abstraction between me and the sounds I’m making.

I tried to see if I could solve that by making my own digital synths, so I downloaded Synthedit and played around with it a while back... but all it really did was make me want to get into making actual modular synths, not just emulating them. And in the long run, that’s a hell of a deep rabbit hole for me to fall into, both in terms of time, space in my house, and money.

I’ve spent most of my life on the edge of poverty, so the idea of just... spending money on something that I want is completely foreign to me. I know in my head that I have the money. It’s there to be spent. I can afford it. I can’t afford actual vintage synths, of course, those are way too *&%ing expensive. I also don’t have much space in the house, since both my spouse and I had to set up an office in the house during the pandemic. The space on my desk next to my computer keyboard where I was going to put my small MIDI keyboard is now taken up by my work computer. The room that was supposed to become half art studio for my spouse and half recording studio for me is now half office, and the drawing table and the spare desk that were supposed to be for our personal use are shoved in the corners. So whatever I buy will have to be small.

But the last couple of days I’ve been looking at what’s there. Looking at what’s within my price range. I don’t expect to spend thousands on a modular synth right off the bat, hell, I’d barely know what to do with it. But I think I can afford a small setup. Something that I don’t have to boot up and start a program and fight with audio drivers to use. Something that I don’t have to stop playing, go back, listen to the track, and click with a mouse to add points where I want to raise or lower one single attribute at a time.

I think if I start with a couple of cheap Behringer analog clones, I can at least get some bass and drums for pretty cheap, then figure out what else I want from there. It looks like the TR-3 and RD-6 are coming out in new colors, so I can even get them in purple. (which is generally the first question I have when I’m deciding whether to get something. Does it come in purple?) A decent synth that can do polyphony for chords will be a little difficult to find in my price range, I might have to settle for something like the Yamaha CS or DX Reface for that. (Yes, I know that the Korg Volca FM is half the price, and is a great imitation of the DX... but it only has 3 note polyphony. I like having the option to make richer chords, or to have a solo or bass line in the same instrument going while I do chords with the other hand.) And I definitely want at least one decent analog synth, but anything within my price range is only going to be monophonic, or like the Korg Volca line, they won’t have enough polyphony to do more than three note chords. The only decent ones that are polyphonic are generally over 300 dollars, and even with the stimulus money, I’m not sure I can justify spending that much on something that will likely not earn me any real money. And on top of everything else, just getting a decent multi-track recorder will probably cost as much, if not more, than a small synth. Most of the ones that are under 300 dollars will only record two tracks at a time, which won’t work well if I’m trying to hook up 3-4 synths and maybe a microphone. I’ve got a few spare speakers around the house that I could probably use as a monitor, so at least I’ve got that covered. (I hope. I haven’t actually plugged any of those speakers into anything in years, who knows what condition they’re in?)

On top of all of that, my spouse is trying to find an excuse to actually use the art table, and so we’re thinking about also using their half of our stimulus money to get a couple of webcams to stream video of them doing art. So if I do set up a small live synth studio in the desk in that room, we can stream together, with me making music on one screen, and my spouse drawing on another.

Over the last decade or so, I’ve been so afraid to actually spend any money. And for probably 8 out of those last 10 years, for good reason. I genuinely couldn't afford to. I only have an electric guitar because it went on sale and was incredibly cheap. I only have an effects pedal for it because I got lucky and found a halfway decent one that had multiple functions on sale used. I only have a full sized MIDI keyboard because my spouse gave it to me as a combined birthday/christmas present. But not being able to spend money just to survive meant that I couldn’t afford to get the things that I need in order to really live, and not just survive. I need musical instruments that I can touch and feel and use. But I think right now I also need to set up a spreadsheet and figure out what I can actually afford.

... anyway, I realized I got to the end of this huge rant and never mentioned anything about the piece I just uploaded. Short version - I was trying to use digital instruments similar to the sort of things I was looking at buying, and seeing what kind of music I could make by just quickly working up a sound and a couple simple loops for them. So one of the basses is just a pretty generic synth that happens to have a sequencer that is similar to some of the analog synths I was looking at. The other is a digital clone of the TB-303, which is also similar to one of the synths I was looking at. I only used one drum machine synth on this one, since I can’t justify buying more than one when I start this physical setup. And the solo, chords, and arpeggios were all using similar sorts of synths to the real ones I’ve been looking at and researching online lately. All of the loops that I would have put into a sequencer while using a physical synth setup were the ones that I went into the MIDI files and manually quantized everything to match exactly what I would have done with a sequencer. For the solo lines and a few other sections I only fiddled with the MIDI timing enough to fix any errors due to input lag. And I tried to throw in a few tweaks to the synth settings on the fly like playing with the filter or whatnot, y’know, the kind of thing that I’d literally be able to do with one hand while I’m playing with the other if these synths were actually sitting on the desk in front of me. But of course I had to actually do those afterward with the mouse, since I didn’t have the actual synths in front of me, with actual knobs and sliders that I could touch.

#synth #synthwave #retro #retrowave #cyberpunk #cyberpunk music #cyberpunk soundtrack #synthesizer #music blog #synthpop #should i actually do it #should i bite the bullet #vaporwave #cyberpunk aesthetic #aesthetic #synthwave aesthetic #retrowave aesthetic

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