#i would die for a split attraction ace person like an ace lesbian for example but i just know thats too much to ask

[ace-caustic]

Having to read caustic is confirmed straight (until said otherwise but still) knowing 100% despite what I hc him, he is literally not straight and in fact aroace is just disappointing.

[inamindfarfaraway]

Animaniacs (2020) LGBT+ Pride Song

I wrote a song I would have the Warner siblings sing in a potential LGBT+ Pride celebration episode. Obviously you can’t hear the tune and music, but I can, and I’ll tell you it’s fast, very bouncy and cheerful in the classic Animaniacs educational list song-style. You can’t tell me Yakko wouldn’t love to make a song out of the acronym. The title of this segment could be “Easy as L, G, B…”. It could start with a bystander of a Pride parade complaining not maliciously, but ignorantly that "there are so many identities these days" and it's "too confusing", so the Warners show up (out of the parade, obviously) to break things down.

The Pinky and the Brain segment would have the two mice finally confessing their feelings and officially becoming a couple. We all want it!

The other Warner siblings segment could be a sketch with their presence added to either a famous point of queer history or a myth or story including queer representation. Ooh, how about them trying unsuccessfully to help a histrionic disaster bi Apollo get a male or female partner who doesn’t die and/or turn into a plant? “Hello, nymph!” He refuses to associate with Eros because he sees him as a rival archer (“Isn’t your twin sister another archer?” “Yeah, and we’re rivals.”). The Warners are happy to step in. Artemis meanwhile, unequivocally not into dating or romance, observes her brother’s string of failures with some pity, but mostly amusement and wry comments. At the end the Warners finally manage to set Apollo up in a genuine, equally loving and respectful relationship with the mortal man Hyacinthus, certain he’s a keeper, and the couple stroll off hand in hand in a picturesque romantic scene. "Hey, for our first date, maybe we could go discus throwing?" "Sounds perfect."

Anyway, I have the visuals of the song in my head, but they’re very dynamic and I can’t be bothered to fully describe them. The initial real world setting is a Pride parade; the bulk of the song is in an abstract space with various manipulatable pride flag backdrops and informational diagrams and example couples and so on; then they return to the parade in the finals chorus. I personally don’t feel very strongly about the nonbinary Wakko headcanon, but I get why it’s a thing and know it means a lot to a lot of people, and it would be cool to be confirmed. I think it should get its own segment were it to become canon. It does give me a cute mental image of Wakko wearing a version of his sweatshirt in the nonbinary or demiboy flag stripes. And the “gender balanced” phrase in the theme song would be more true, with Wakko standing on top of the scales in the middle or something.

Yakko: G for gay -

Dot: And L for lesbian

Yakko: Have meanings much the same

Only the same gender as you can light that special flame

Dot: It’s found all across history, and the animal scene

So the US let them marry nationwide in - 2015?!

(sighs) America is always more disappointing than I remember.

Wakko: B is for bisexual, you like two genders or more

Yakko: Guys, girls or any other, so much nuance to explore

Dot: Now it’s true pansexuality is liking many genders too

Wakko: But when you’re pan gender really doesn’t matter to you

Yakko: Heck, you can be bi and pan if you don’t get the difference!

That brings us to asexual, the oft-neglected A

It means you simply do not feel the need for any ‘adult play’

That’s by no means essential, so a problem there is none

Unless society’s obsession with the business counts as one

Dot: A stands for aromantic too, as attraction can be split

You may feel the physical part, but not the lovey-dovey bit

Wakko: Demisexuals feel ace until they meet a special case

If neither’s there don’t worry, that just makes you aroace!

Warners: Whether you haven’t found a label

Or’ve been sure of yours since birth

No one should be able to deprive you of your worth

If you’re long gone from the closest

Or you'd rather stay inside

No one can erase your place in life’s crazy, wild ride

That’s why we celebrate Pride!

Wakko: Hey, we missed the T.

Yakko: Oh yeah. I thought it might be easier to have the verses for sexualities and genders be separate. You know, because they're totally separate things.

Dot: That makes sense. I bags the first verse!

T is for transgender, a blanket label widely worn

Your gender isn’t what the doctor said when you were born

That one’s names and clothes and stuff can cause you much distress

Though if you wanna keep them, you aren’t made trans any less

Yakko: Growing up we often learn that the genders number two

But there's documented history that proves that isn’t true

Wakko: Some people are nonbinary, and some lean either way

Dot: The genderfluid may be anything at any time of day

Wakko: But wait, why do we even need a binary at all?

One not one big massive spectrum upon which we all can fall?

Dot: The human experience comes in endless shapes and forms

You can’t hope to contain them in one culture’s set of norms

Yakko: Yes, heteronormativity is a social construct utterly

A person is a person and so we should all live free

Warners and Pride Parade Ensemble: Whether you know exactly who you are

Or you’re questioning or queer

If you feel abhorred, then rest assured, you belong right here

No one’s ever put us down for good

Although many have tried

That’s why we celebrate Pride

Warners: And if you’re cis and straight

No need to wait

Allies are always great!

All: So come on and celebrate… Pride!

Wakko: Now what do we do?

Yakko: Have fun! But first, we need to turn off our phones. The fans are gonna go nuts over which of us sang what lines of -

[He starts vibrating like a jackhammer with incessant notifications. Wakko and Dot quickly turn their phones off.]

[rouge-the-bat]

uh oh another person whos repeating allll the same bullshit thats totally havent been shouted out to me a million times before ! seriously yall, i havent changed my mind about bi lesbianism even after being attacked and told to die so many fucking times, wtf do yall think ur gonna achieve here lol.

lesbian isnt an exclusive term and never had been, learn some queer history idiot! i literally have sources on my bi-lesbian blog in my #history tag! and plenty of people use it as an umbrella term still bc ~gasp~ people use words different than you 😱

literally explained the nonbinary situation in my last ask but like whup dee doo that doesnt matter bc u clearly talk for all enbies ever huh? what do you think about very man aligned enbies also? are they all inherently excluded or included in your eyes? (rhetorical question, dont actually want an answer obv youre an idiot) again not all enbies are comfortable with lesbianism since people like you think its ~oooh so strict~ and others deem it ~exclusively women loving women~ and a lot of enbies dont want to be possibly perceived as just a woman, even if theyre woman aligned! (while some man aligned enbies are perfectly comfortable with fallin under lesbian attraction bc, identities are complex!) if yall fucks would finally let lesbian be defined fluidly and can sometimes hold exceptions depending on person, like every other gd fucking queer label, then i think this issue would be resolved since more enbies would feel less like theyre just being seen as a women due to exclusionistic lesbians.

yeah bi women or other mspec ppl love women just the same as lesbians, i literally never say otherwise, so idk why ppl always say that to me lol? like it feels YALL have some internal biases yall need to convince urself through, not me. lesbian has simply included bi women for forever before lesbian separatists (aka radfems) deemed them as lesser (and aiding in their own oppression) and tried forcing them out. / but oh yeah me calling myself a bi lesbian is tooootally saying i think bi women are lesser forms to lesbians /s 🙄

people who have exceptions to their sexuality or EXTREMELY extremely rare attraction to certain genders is not just "bi with a preference" unless they feel like that accurately describes them, but a lot dont. me as an example! if ud look at any of my posts i have a really complex/confusing attraction due to being arospec and cupioromantic, and dont see how defining gender-based orientations extremeley rigidly can work well since gender is extremely complex and fluid. along with a ton of other factors that makes me feel best described with bi lesbianism. bc ppl by nature are complex and dont need to and cant always fit into lil neatly defined terms, darling

you probably also deem the split attraction model as an aros and aces only thing too, huh? because sexuality being complex and different than yours is just soo so impossible right?

"invalidates both lesbians an bi women" ah yes becuase thats totally an objective, factual statement! and no lesbians and bi women who are not bi lesbians would ever support bi lesbianism huh? except, oh ive met plenty who do! surprise surprise a lot of queer people support other queer people who are different than them and have complex identities, bc thats what the whole fucking community is for, lol. stop acting like you speak for everyone of a label, queer people are not monoliths ♡

maybe branch out of ur lil exclusionist circle for once and try talking with more queers with complicated orientations and stop trying to fit all of us into rigid boxes 🤪 trying to assimilate the queer community in a neat and tidy and ~respectable~ way isnt gonna win you any brownie points with the homophobes, honey

stop drinking the radfem koolaid, also. all of this literally falls right into their rhetoric. a lot if not all of exclusionism does, actually

[spinnerprincess]

happy ace awareness week

i think you’re all probably aware that i’m ace by now, i mention it from time to time, but in case you’re not... heyyyyyy

you can find a lot of ace resources around, teaching you about asexuality, what it means, etc. i’ve been personally appreciating the hell out of lyd’s comics on the subject, the most recent of which is here.

this post isn’t for that. this post is for being aware of where i’m at regarding being ace. i would appreciate it if you read it.

hashtag lgbt/ace discourse ahead.

it’s been a weird year for me. a lot of good things have happened, and so have a lot of bad things. dealing with my asexuality has fallen into both categories. 

when i first encountered the term asexuality and adopted it for myself it was a very different time. i had made a friend who was ace. without going into detail, they were a little older than me, and were dealing with the aftereffects of a bad relationship where they felt harrassed and later assaulted by a partner. so i came into it with the full awareness that being ace could be rough and cause discrimination, etc. 

but honestly, in some ways, it was an easier time. back in 2011 asexuality felt less visible, but where it was visible, it was accepted pretty freely. some conversations around terms like “allosexual” began cropping up around them. i think i navigated them fairly well, and i learned a lot, and with everything i learned i grew surer that being ace was both a term that made me feel validated and comfortable, and the word that best defined my gender/sexuality experience. 

the worst thing i had to deal with was people who hated “aces prefer cake” jokes and the occasional “stop calling yourselves aces you’re not playing cards” which, meh, it’s just a cute shortening. i love it. didn’t stop then, won’t stop now. you couldn’t pay me to go back to a time when i thought sherlock was worth any attention (i at least didn’t fuckin ascribe to a lot of the shit like “oh he’s ace/aro and it excuses his bullshit” haha fuck off.). but. boy. sometimes i miss it.

this past year or two, it’s been shitty. first we had the tail end of the “queer” discourse. i understood some viewpoints coming out of that, but ultimately settled on feeling like it the people arguing to remove it from the lexicon were wrong. i think there’s some valid points to be made, but mostly found the whole argument tiresome. Let people call themselves what they want, and don’t use it for people you don’t know like it, or for the whole community. Done. 

and if I’m a little more hesitant to use it for myself, if i once described myself as queer freely and happily, and now do so nervously, backspacing it out of the text once or twice, that’s... something i hope to overcome.

but boy oh boy did that discourse just dovetail right into my personal hell. the kind of people who don’t want to see the community expanded, who want to stay on top and exclude people who aren’t being their kind of gay, immediately dug their claws into that argument about “queer” and didn’t stop.

i’ve endured months and months of ace discourse now and it’s... it’s been exhausting. i’m not even directly involved in it, but it’s still there. it’s constant. it’s insidious. 

what started as a counter argument of “queer is a great as a blanket word for people with complex identities, such as ace people” dove directly into “well, are ace people lgbt?” and didn’t stop. suddenly it was the topic of the season. early definitions said “yes” or “if they think they are.” more arguments. “well, heteroromantic aces aren’t lgbt,” became popular. i can see why. that kind of invisible distinction could play well into pretending you’re straight, after all - right? so went the discourse. ugh.

as that argument caught on, people with anti-ace agendas pushed it further. “so being ace alone doesn’t make you lgbt.” “kids can’t identify as ace, that’s sexualization.” “cishet aces just want to steal our resources.” 

i don’t want to go into all of these but. boy. some of them were presented logically, kindly. others devolved quickly into “aces are the worst and can die,” “ace people don’t belong full stop,” and even “lol look at me i’m a tumblrina i’m 13 years old asexual fictkin special snowflake” as the punchline of jokes that spread outside of this site. 

some ace people are assholes and of course stirred the pot more by being overtly bitter/turning things into oppression olympics type bickering over how aces have the worst, or whatever. some blogs people cited for examples of “terrible ace people co-opting lesbian stuff” or whatever else were literally from sockpuppet blogs making fun of ace people.

for a time, i even bought into some of it. i thought some of the early arguments, that heteroromantic aces shouldn’t be considered lgbt, might have valid points. but you know what? that’s bullshit. if you believe you belong, you should be welcomed with open arms. hetero aces experience some of the same shit i do. they probably also experience other shit. just because i don’t know what it is, or it’s different from mine, doesn’t mean it isn’t an alienating, and perhaps even queer, experience. their sexuality, as nuanced as it is, still sets them apart and they deserve support. we all do. 

it sucks to think that this shitty shitty discourse had me believing in a position that invalidated my own experience of aceness being the source of much of my queer experiences, for a while.

all this to say nothing of the invisible hate seeping towards aromantic people as well, lolololol. it’s not a big part of me the way being ace is but i’m probably somewhere on the aro spectrum and. great. thanks. i’m still so tired of split attraction model arguments. if it works for you, use it. if it works for other people, let them use it. is it so hard to believe that some people might experience things differently to you? or differently to how you would imagine? god.

my favorite part is when allo people started saying “allo is a slur!!!” when, get this: allosexual was pushed for and partially created by allo people who (rightly) didn’t want to be called “sexual,” like poc, and rape survivors. ace people adopted it into their language for their benefit, not for ours, lololololol

so. that’s the year i’ve been dealing with. i’ve had to unfollow a number of people i thought were otherwise cool over this. i haven’t gone a single month without finding someone i think is amazing, reading through their blog, and discovering with a sense of nausea that they would hate me. genuinely hate me. there’s no love there. someone who says “u shouldn’t follow me if you think ace people are lgbt lol” isn’t interested in hearing and believing my stories, my experiences, my life which is hard and queer and as deserving of support as anyone’s. they aren’t interested in treating me like a person. that’s... i mean, i think that counts as hate. yeah.

i still hesitate on the word aphobia, or, similarly, biphobia. i don’t know if it’s the right way to describe it, when the hatred you refer to comes from within a similar group of people with oppressed sexualities. i wouldn’t hesitate to say post from an allosexual person in favor of in corrective rape w/r/t ace people are aphobic. i wouldn’t hesitate to say a straight person who thinks bi people are disgusting is a biphobe.

but is that reality talking, or is it just me being unable to acknowledge that oppression is oppression, fear and hate are fear and hate, and discrimination towards aces, which i’ve spent the last two years being told isn’t real, despite experiencing it on a regular basis both in and out of community?

what’s the line between discrimination and oppression? if people’s everyday biases make it harder for ace people to live their lives, is there a point in determining that line?

i fuckin dunno. i’m so tired. i’ve spent a long year feeling like i’ve shrunk myself. i feel more comfortable lately talking about fictional ladies and my attraction to them, which isn’t sexual, and isn’t exactly romantic, but it’s... it’s something that exist. just recently i became comfortable feeling like i can use the term “wlw” for myself, which i fought myself for a long time on. being ace, being quietly non-binary were both things that felt like obstacles.

and the wlw community is just full of toxicity still. terfs have grown and drawn others to their ideologies, some of them using anti-ace tactics to do so, others using tried and true biphobic messaging and of course, who could forget the constant hammering of “trans women aren’t women” bullshit they like to pull. 

so that’s one triumph of the year. i’m nb, i’m wlw, i’m ace. i can say those three things and feel pretty comfortable in it. 

i just wish it didn’t also come at costs. i find it harder to express my ace life. i find it harder to feel positively about it. i don’t have the energy to deeply deal with ace headcanons lately. it feels like the online world is hyperaware of us now, if anything. everybody has an opinion. moreover, people feel entitled to an opinion, in a way they weren’t before. people feel like it can be their opinion that my ace experiences aren’t lgbt, or that my sexuality doesn’t exist or even harms theirs, or... i don’t know. what will be the next big reason asexuality is terrible/invalid/not lgbt?

if you bothered to read or hell just skimmed this long post... thank you.

thank you. 

i know i’ve been quiet about a lot of this. not all the time, but a lot of the time. i feel bad about that, a little? i want people to know what this looks like. knowing asexuality exists is so, so good. but knowing that ace people are facing right now, the movement of hatred that has swept across pockets of lgbt people in recent years, and having the awareness to try and combat it...

it would mean a lot to me, if it felt like more of that could exist.

[priceforrottenjudgement]

ok, so this is hopefully the last thing i will ever write about the acecourse. i had planned to leave this behind with 2016, but that didn’t work out all too well. i’m hoping i can finally get everything off my chest and leave it behind forever.

the entire acecourse has literally no right to exist. it didn’t from the start, but while about a year ago the acecourse was a moderately relevant topic and popped up here and there and people were exposed as assholes and bigots and others learned to better themselves and grow, the only reason why some people are keeping it alive now is drama. instead of people keeping their discourse to discourse tags and places this is taking over safe tags, positivity tags and even fandoms? and this has to stop.

it started when people questioned whether aces should be part of the lgbt+ community simply for being ace. both sides brought forth their arguments. the exclusionist side had gems like: nobody should even openly identify as ace, thats private/saying that only the core four were true lgbt members, throwing intersex, pan, etc people under the bus/wanting to exclude aces as a whole, throwing non-het aces under the bus/completely ignoring aro aces, bc ‘they are basically straight’. on the side of the inclusionists we had stuff like: claiming that something like an ‘allosexual privilege’ exists/claiming that acephobia exists/homophobic slurs/ironically also ignoring lgbt+ aces, aros and aro aces.

That managed to completely derail the original topic, causing resentments on both sides. Non-ace lgbt+ members were claiming that all aces were homophobes and aces kept saying that all the other lgbt+ members were aphobes, both of which is complete idiocy of course.

On the topic of aphobia: no. it does not exist. at least not the way homo- or transphobia exist and people should stop throwing the term ‘-phobia’ around like it’s nothing. Aces were never persecuted for being ace, at least not in the scale or with the institutionalisation as gay or trans people were and are. However, there ARE anti-ace sentiments and they can be found in non-aces of all orientations. Please don’t try to deny or forget that. Most of the anti-ace sentiments were started because of this dumb discourse and we’d all be better off if we’d just stop.

On the topic of ‘allosexual’: some people were trying to claim that allosexual was a slur. kept making up stuff about it being a bad word in french or something or how it grouped them with their oppressor. i’ve never understood why being grouped with straight people was a problem here, but not when you say ‘women’ (grouping together straight and sga women) or ‘white people’ (grouping together sga and straight white people) or when you say ‘cis people’ (grouping together sga and straight cis people). Hell, if you say ‘gay people’ you are technically grouping together white and poc gay people. Minorities are grouped with their oppressors ALL THE TIME. It’s not an act of violence, it’s not done to compare the two, it’s not done to say they are the same. ‘Allosexual’ and ‘asexual’ is simply the differentiation between people who DO feel sexual attraction of any kind and people who DO NOT feel sexual attraction of any kind. Nothing more nothing less.

On the topic of ‘allosexual/alloromantic privilege’: straight up does not exist. it does not. and no respectable person would claim that a gay person gains any kind of privilege from feeling sexual or romantic attraction to their own gender. Heterosexual/heteroromantic privilege exists. Something that both sga and ace or aro people do not have. 

On the topic of het aces/aros: They do not experience oppression the way sga people do. There’s no way to argue around this. A heteroromantic ace still has straight privilege, a heterosexual aro still has straight privilege. But aces do not have heterosexual privilege and aros do not have heteroromantic privilege. I know this is confusing and it may seem like i’m splitting hairs here, but privilege appears in shades. It’s not: you’re either privileged or you’re not. You can be privileged in one way and oppressed in another. For example: a white lesbian woman has white privilege, but experiences homophobia. It’s the same concept. (only that, as i said, aros and aces never experience oppression the same way other lgbt+ members do.)

On the topic of the q slur: there are people who are comfortable with using this slur and people who are not and both should be respected. don’t force someone to call themselves q*eer when they don’t want to and tag the usage of it if possible. But also let people who want to reclaim it identify as q*eer. However i don’t think that het aces, het aros or aro aces should use the term to describe themselves. The slur has never been used against them, so they can’t reclaim it.

On the inclusion of aces and aros in the lgbt+ community: there is really nothing I can say about this. I can’t make anyone accept them as a part of the community when they’re convinced they’re not and I can’t tell anyone not to identify as lgbt+ when they do. It also doesn’t really matter whether a single person thinks aces ahould be part of the community or not? It’s not like the lgbt+ community is a giant club and you submit your application for membership and you wait for it to be processed. “LGBT+ Community” is really just an umbrella term and whether or not aces and aros are welcome at pride parades or meetups really depends on the specific occassion I think.

Now, I think I said everything I wanted and now I’m asking everyone who will reaad this to just let the acecourse die.

Stop it with the ‘satirical’ anti-ace posts, stop it with trying to put ‘aphobia’ on a level with homophobia, stop posting hate or discourse in positivity tags, stop saying shit like ‘all lesbians are hateful’ and shit like that, stop hating a whole orientation because of some random bloggers on this stupid website, stop generalising.

I’m not asking anyone to apologise or even make a statement about it, I’m just asking you to quietly leave this whole thing behind because, let’s face it, you’re not helping anybody. This is just an excuse for unnecessary drama and I’m so tired of it.

(please don’t send me hate over this, if you want to discuss anything, do it civilly.)

[acehet]

really long reply like WOW

@rebelbaze​ ty for responding but reading through your responses is really hard because you’re using the reply feature for a lot of replies. the reply feature is fine for 1 or 2 responses, but anything more than that fries my brain (i’m sorry!). i’m going to try to reply anyway

I mean? I identified as ace for years because of internalized homophobia and a lot of ~ace elders encouraged it by saying that since I was scared of having sex with anyone, I must be ace and all that. And there are multiple blogs cataloging HUNDREDS of experiences ike mine.”

yeah no i 100% agree with you there. those ~ace elders~ were completely incorrect in saying that you must be ace solely because you were scared of having sex. 

anyone trying to directly pin an identity on someone, as in “you must be ___ because of ___” is completely in the wrong and i’m sorry that happened to you and make you confused.

there’s a difference between giving people resources and giving advice and possibilities to help them find an identity on their own, and saying someone has to be something because of a reason.

http://hate2breakittoya.tumblr.com/tagged/mogai-hell-denial/chrono A lot of these are about MOGAI politics rather than just the ace community but it's still worth perusing the tag to understand what we mean

asexuals as a whole aren’t to blame for mogai politics. the ace community isn’t at fault for people labeling themselves as homoromantic/bisexual just to end up being wrong about it. hell, even i called myself biplatonic a few years back because i like being in relationships and having girlfriends and boyfriends, and then this discourse happened and i dropped the term cuz so many other people were shamed and ridiculed for the same exact thing. and then i started to think it was stupid too because i’m super impressionable (but that’s not the point)

there are people entirely comfortable with having split attraction or silly identities, not everyone who is, for example, heterosexual/biromantic (i choose that one specifically for a reason i’ll explain in the notes) is that way due to compulsive heterosexuality or internalized homophobia. it could be because of past trauma that makes them uncomfortable being in certain intimate situations (romantic or sexual) with one gender in one way but not the other, or just having different comfort levels with different genders because of who they are, or just because that’s how they are as a person.

it can be internalized homophobia or compulsive heterosexuality for some people, i am absolutely not denying that, but that’s not always it. people are just different, and an entire community of people shouldn’t be shamed for the outlet of their identity because just because for other people it was a form of denying themselves. 

but if people are comfortable with something and they’re perfectly content with it, why make issue with it? but if they’re having issues with themselves because of it or are struggling, i feel that’s when you should step in and say “hey i see you’re having problems with your identity and confusion/hatred over it. if you want you can talk to me and i can help you figure things out or just give you some resources to help you figure it out on your own?” or something along those lines.

a group of people as a whole shouldn’t be the blame for someone’s internal issues that are there in the first place because of society’s pressure to make people straight and cis.

http://sleepdontvisit.tumblr.com/post/159156864205/regreceipts-aphobe-voice-mogai-tumblr-held-a ANd if you have xkit or the time to just individually go through the tags on this post, LOTS Of reblogs have comments/tags added, where they talk about how the acec ommunity kept htem from dealing with trauma/overcoming internalized homophobia

again the ~ace elder~ is brought up and throwing identities at people. since this is a thing that is happening to people, i will say i am on your side for this and that putting a label on someone is entirely wrong and not at all helpful.

but, i do have to disagree with a part of this–

““I think I’m attracted to men but whenever they hit on me I feel like I’m about to die.” And y'all will say “sounds like you’re ace and just like them romantically” or “you’re lithromantic” instead of saying, “hey, it’s possible you’re struggling with compulsory heterosexuality. Have you ever considered you might lesbian or attracted to girls?””

forcing a label on someone, like “you’re ace and you like them romantically” and “you’re lithoromantic” are wrong, i’m 100% with you there. but if it were phrased differently, like “hey, if you’re comfortable talking more in-depth about this, we could figure out if you’re actually attracted to men or just find them attractive, because there’s a difference, and a possibility you might be asexual or just dealing with some stuff. have you considered anything?”

i feel that’s just as valid to say as “it’s possible you’re struggling with compulsive heterosexuality and have you considered you might be a lesbian or attracted to girls” because it’s offering the same advice, just different possibilities for identities. 

i feel this is more of a thing where people jump the gun on assuming someone’s identity, and not actually an intent to force someone to be something solely because they’re manipulative and want to force someone into being “one of us, one of us”, but regardless i will be on the lookout for more of this in the future, since this is a thing that is happening and can absolutely confuse people and force them to internalize some stuff. 

And like, if you need resoursce about the OVERWHELMING amount of sex shaming/serophobia/homophobia in the ace community, I can come up with those too. Like? I literally stopped identifying as ace because of how disgusting the community was and how uncomfortable it made me feel. But a lot of it isn't direct "you can't be gay!! you're ace!!" and it's more the sex shaming that peopel struggling with internalized homophobia flock too. A young gay person will feel "I can't have sex with girls, that's disgusting!!" and see the ace community talking about how disgusting sex is and be like "wow, I must be ace" when really... nope they're just struggling with shit.

(i had to google what serophobia was tfw) i have seen for myself receipts of asexual people making inappropriate comments towards HIV+ individuals or situations, and that is absolutely something that we have to call our own out on. i’ve seen posts on my dashboard of other inclusionists telling people “hey don’t say that shit” in regards to these serophobic posts, and even the infamous “i hate gays on this site” post. so it is something we’re aware of and are trying to correct, but it’s hard to see everyone and everything. it’s disgusting and shouldn’t happen in the first place, but unfortunately it is there. 

but for my own personal anecdote, and it’s something i’ve spoken about in the past too, but there was also a time last year where i stopped identifying as asexual too. it wasn’t because of the ace community, because again, i don’t really associate with the ace community aside from on this blog, but it was mostly because of exclusionists and family members.

the discourse was really really bad from what i saw last year, and i wasn’t involved. i unfortunately followed the wrong people and all i saw were a lot of posts about how asexuality wasn’t an identity but a modifier (????? what is my orientation modifying i don’t have anything else) and even posts about how it wasn’t an orientation at all because it doesn’t say who you’re attracted to (yes it does– i’m attracted to nobody.) and people attacking me personally for being asexual (i might still have screenshots if i can dig them up from my old account tbh) and i really felt like i had to forcibly change my orientation since at the time i felt like i couldn’t be asexual. like i wasn’t allowed to be.

This isn't comparable to people accidentally identifying as gay when tehy're bi or anything else bcause there is no society that shames not being gay, y'unno?

i really disagree. there are asexual and/or aromantic people who won’t identify as such because of society, and the general atmosphere of lgbt+ spaces right now because of the discourse. and also historically asexuals were a part of the bi community until we split off (here’s a post with sources that explains is better) and a lot of us misidentified as bi because of such and because a lot of us just liked all genders the same way without realizing we were asexual. (which btw is NOT the bi community’s fault!! just circumstantial confusion).  and i even had my brother’s ex fiancé a couple months ago shame me for being asexual and try to tell me i was actually bi because i had a girlfriend at the time and had a boyfriend right before i dated her. 

society shames asexuals as well. seeing as how there were consummation laws in place requiring couples to have sex or their marriage could be under annulment. (wikipedia article) (here’s a tumblr post explaining it more)

also this was in a broadcasted tv series shaming asexuality

(tumblr post talking about it more because tbh i don’t watch house)

society shames asexuality too, and if i didn’t discover i was asexual when i was 12, i would probably still unfortunately be identifying as bi and feeling wrongly about it because of how much aphobia i see in my daily life now. not just online, but with how family tries to pressure me to find love or how people pressure me into relationships irl to ‘fix’ me. 

i’m glad i found out about asexuality (and being trans) so young because if i hadn’t, i would still be identifying as something entirely wrong for me. because as i get older i see more and more how horribly LGBTQIA+phobic people are and that would have pushed be further into the closet. i identified at bi when i was 10 because i saw it and because i liked everyone the same, i thought i was, and it was before i saw how bad biphobia could be. seeing all the aphobia as i got older would have had me denying my asexuality more and more, because i know for sure if i had discovered being trans later than i did (13, before i really saw and internalized transphobia) then i would have internalized it and never came to terms with it.

sorry for all the long paragraphs, i like to jabber ahaha, sorry if anything is worded poorly. i’m terrible at wording.

thank you for having a very civilized debate with me btw!! i’m kinda out of spoons right now after writing all this so if you respond i might reply tomorrow! or the day after tomorrow cuz i gotta dogsit tomorrow and that might take up all my energy. i say that because i might still be reblogging things, just to tired to have discussions. y’know?

have a nice night btw!