#i wont yap here...thats for another day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

skyeateyourdonuts · 22 days ago

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im gonna ramble

so basically heres my cleaning ramble: i was inspired by some comments made by someone who stayed at my house for a while to do some reorganizing and i finally got around to it bc i finally have a weekend for it. i went through a bunch of stuff and got right of things finally and downsized a lot of things to create more spaces for current hobbies. i could just stare at my cooset rn and feel satisfied thats how good i did. i wish i had different forms of storage and was able to do the garage reorganizing but thats for another time. besides, this clean took me about 6 1/2 hours and theres now a box in the hrage of v specific cosplay items from when i used to do it and if i wanna get back into it, the box is there and if not well the box is there to get rid of then. im p happy about that. so another time ill get to the garage but im pleased w my activity.

my next ramble: been messing up my speech a lot lately and its really strange to me. ill say a word and it wont be the one that fits the sentence or was even on my mind. it wont even contribute to the situation or topic at all. and unfortunately its been happening with things im supposed to remember too like my brain will swap a bunch of words and topics and info under one persons file and throw them into another. so like rhe other day i almost brought up that this one person hated grilled onion and it was halfway out of my mouth before i realized that that was wrong. the same has also happened for pronouns and thats really unfortunate bc i like to think im correct about those and theyre not hard to fuck up. unfortunately theyve been scattered amongst each other, mostly for people i havent seen in a while but its also for ones that are in the closet in puble and/or are trying new pronouns. my standard is they/them is im unsure so i still have a back up jic but its REALLY bad when im saying the wrong NAME in conversation. im really not sure. i think my speech and my reading are connected as well as whatever tv show im interested in. so gotta work on that and maybe experiment with new media. also talk to myself more.

next ramble: i miss phone calls. idk why people dont like phone calls. i LOVE phone calls like i love the breathing the laughter the yapping and esp the silence like knowing someone is sharing silence wirh u feels nice. unfortunately i dont think anyone around me likes phone calls!!! and the best time is probably do phone calls is when im closing by myself or late at night when i wanna talk abut i wanna do my activity. a few of my friends and family like video calls and im usually okay with those but i dont want the expectation to be that i need to look at them or my phone the whole time like i wanna still be able to do my activity. :( idk. i just miss calling people lmao.

next ramble: learning not to let my habits control me is a whoooole new thing. now that im eating more and trying more things, i feel like i finally have more spoons to do stuff. unfortunately, dueing the period where i didnt have enough food and didnt kove around a lot, i lacked so much energy and didnt do much and thus built up habits that centered around rest and trying not to exceed my spoon limit but feeling stifled by the little amount. ive dealt with so much guilt over it and im glad that i dont feel it as much anymore but im overwhelmed by all the things i have to do now that im finally back. luckily, with good courage and encouragement from myself, ive been trying to break those habits to become a more productive and happy person for myself. its hard as hell dont get me wrong. earlier i had to convince myself to stay focused, despite my hands attempting to scroll through another app for a minute or two. if id let it have its way, i wouldve been in my bed and looking at the mess with a guilty conscious and then not finished what i started. im glad to say i fought through it.

next ramble: i dont feel like i was prepared for adulthood and i dont think i know all that im suppsed to be doing/having/managing as an adult. for instance, very soon i will need to find my own health insurance. i dont even know how and my parents barely tell me about the insurance we have now. im going to have to learn but i would love guidance. i wanna know all the things that i need to be researching, applying for, and completing so thst i may succeed. i can achieve this.

next ramble: as my friends around me explore gender in various ground breaking ways, ive come to accept that i am not trans but i might be a little genderfluid. theres a little guy in me and he gets gender envy and wishes he could have a dick and then theres the rest of me that sometimes feels quite girly and feminine and other times doesnt really feel like either. sometimes im just a lil molerat cresture who sits right outside the boundary line. i think i have a little house there. idk. well explore that later. im also a lesbian so thats fun.

nsfw below

next ramble: speaking of lesbian i wanna eat someone out so bad. i wouldnt even mind sucking a girl off but i just wanna please someone so bad. i wanna get permission and be guided and encouraged and laughed at and praised and moved around and used a lil bit. a bonus would also be that i think ill find that aspect of sex when performed on myself less scary bc i will know then what to expect and understand a lil more what to do when in that position. which also i would love to be eaten out too or even fucked. ive never had like a real dick-sized thing in there and i know i have a weird hymen so it might be a learning experience but with the right person and the right attitude i know it can be done and i can have a good time. HOWEVER!!! i do have complicated thoughts on strap sex bc as someone who loves to receive, i also really reaally REALLY want the other party to be receiving smth at the same time too and thats why like the other party having a real attached dick is a huge bonus bc then ik theres nerves there and theyre enjoying themself. but strap sex doesnt involves their nerves being attached and idk if it rubs the clit or wven the lips the correct way to be satisfactory :( and i just. cant stand being the only one receiving at the same time or for a long time. its honestly super frustrating and complicated and ive felt like this for a while and its really directly affected how ive had sex or interacted with the idea of it. its just :/ complicated and im horny ;-;

next ramble: seeing old friends really can help a lot but u have to actually try. i learned this again recently. its pretty hard bc u see the convo dying and u think well. we didnt rlly talk about a lot but! okay! and then a few minutes later u take a picture of smth and ur like "i should show someone this" and it pccurs to u that like - u used to do this thing all the time where u told a bunch of ur friends about the happenstances in ur life around u. and u lost the srt of how to do it but now that u Know u did that, well, theres never a better time to start trying it again like the present! so yay!!

next ramble: im still worried about the damage my previous mistakes have made and im worried its affecting one of my oldest frisndships. either that or im dividing my time improperly, or maybe im misreading the room, or maybe im seeing smth but they dont think its a big deal so theyre not gonna say anything or maybe its none of the aboce or maybe its all of them!! idk!!! im worried one of my oldest friends is upset with me or dislikes me in some new way and i dont think its them entirely. i do think the majority of this is my mental illnesses and my observant trait working in tandem, rhough theyre a terrible combo because ones a liar and ones just behavioral notes. hm. i do also say this bc im noticing i feel left out or am often rhe butt of the joke to rhis friend so im not sure how grounded these feelings are. im not sure how to be direct about this since the previous times ive asked (and ik its not necessarily good mental health practices to ask certain reassurances over and over again but nothing has changed in between these times except maybe i got butt-of-the-joke'd more often when i was performing better that day in the social situation) its been little to no response and they never had any follow up questions or care towards me. thats where my concern becomes 'did i do smth' instead of 'whats weong' because it feels inherently attached to me. i know our mutual friend receives comfort and assurances when expressing an anxiety but not me. and unfortunately i cant help but wonder: why not me too?

last ramble (maybe): ive gone through a lot of additional art supplies and ive come to the conclusion that i need to start fucking around with them more. i love srts and crafts and thats why i have all these different supplies but i never have a reason (or so i think). well i thought today while cleaning, why not just start with random color prompts and a sheet of paper and go fucking wild?? and ynow what?? yeah thats a great idea and i will! on top of that ive got the new skill to darn socks and a basket of soxks i saved specifically for this moment (or to turn into a wall thing but that idea is not fleshed out) ! so yay! to hobbies!

cheers to hobbies! to friends! to lovers! to family! to experiences! to trying! to passion! to wanting taking and giving! cheers to the joys of life! im happy to try again

#okie #rambles done #thanks for comig everyone #pls dont read this whole thing anyone who finds it

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unpurposed-organism · 8 months ago

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Posting about my bad eating habits

Ive had trouble eating for quite a while now. It comes and goes but overall Id say its been steadily getting worse. I dont seem to get hungry like I used to. I still do get hungry but its different now. Idk. I still get normal hungry ig but I also get weird hungry. It just feels more emotionally charged and it also feels like fake nausea. (Not real nausea. Like, the nausea you feel when its all in your head and you wont actually throw up.) I also get weird full. Its where I get full (and i get full pretty easy) and I get upset thinking about food and I am briefly plagued by thoughts about vomitting and cutting myself. I dont wanna do that shit. Its not my style. So it could be worse but like, thats weird right? Thats like actually fucked up. Straight up. Whats my deal?

I kinda had a moment last summer where I played around with the idea of developing an eating disorder and Ive been kinda fucked since. Even before that though, I had another moment like that a few months prior, but it didnt really stick. I guess I just had some sort of sleeper agent in my head waiting to wreck up my eating habits the second I watched someone online share their ed experiences. I know Im fucked for this, but I was like damn yknow thats bad. Thats a bad thing. I kinda get it though. Theres an undeniable appeal there. Im not gonna commit to that shit and fully fuck my life up but damn. What do I do now that I know I got that in me.

And look Im not there yet. I dont have an eating disorder, but I am in the danger zone here. Fuck do I do with that. Historically Im always doing worse mentally than I think Im doing so fuck. I dont think Im doing so well rn, but I generally feel fine. I have good days and all. This is stupid. I wanna feel normal again and this isnt helping. Figured Id yap about it. I cant be honest about this to people irl. I want to keep my agency and keep my image intact.

#i feel awkward throwing trigger tags on my vent posts okay but its kinda bad. in expected ways maybe? idk what yall expect. or think is bad #im out of touch and dont have the finest gauge on how much im being unwell #she speaks #her tumblr diary

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another-wolf-blog-yippy · 4 years ago

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•J.A.W.S.• Teals soul

Chapter 1

•A drop in the ocean•

•The day it happened was clear, not a single cloud hung in the sky, it had been a long and dry week, and mama and dad were busy with chores on the farm, so we did what any bored young pup would do.

We went down to the lake.•

------•

The idle noises of bird song and the hush of the wind, Teal raced down stairs and sat eagerly at the table right next to Sapphire, her loud sister. The two looked at each other and held their paws over the table, beating down in unison to create a rhythm as they began to chant "we want breakfast! we want breakfast!"

This had become a morning routine over the months and it was starting to wear on their mother's nerves, still, the pups enjoyed making noise together, the one thing they could agreen on was harmonious and spontaneous singing and dance, even if they hadn't the voices for it.

"Mama! Can we go down to the lake after breakfast?!"

Sapphire said standing in her chair, River gave a long sigh and then nodded as she sat two plates in front of their respective pup.

Teal began to eat her meal instantly but Sapphire seemed to have something else she wanted to say.

"Can we help dad with the chores? I wanna harvest wheat!"

"No, you're far too young for that kind of work Sapphire, now hush up and eat your food for' it gets cold..."

"Yes ma'am."

Bite after bite Sapphire got over her mothers tone and got more excited about going to the lake, she wolfed her food down so quickly that Teal had to do the same before Sapphire ran off without her.

One last bite and the two were off, laughing as they ran down the hill, they followed the trail down to the dock and began to splash about in the shallows.

"Hey look at that!"

"What? What'd ya find sis!?"

Teal hopped over to Sapphire, who was standing on her tippy toes to keep her head above the water, Teal carefully made her way beside her sibling and found it a bit difficult to see below her without sticking her nose into the water.

"What?"

"I found one of the leggy water bug things, the ones with the pinchers!"

"Oh wow! Do you think we could catch it for dad? He'd like that."

"Maybe, but its in the deep parts..."

"Oh, thats okay, lets go back to the shallows, its hard to stand here."

"Okay, beat ya!"

They slowly stepped out of the higher water and back into the shallows, then began to hop around again, splashing at each other laughing, barking and playing pretend.

It didn't take too long before they got bored of this game...

"I'm done..."

Sapphire said in the longest drawn out sigh, she sat down creating a small tidal wave, Teal paused her splashing, looking back at the dock and pointed towards it.

"We can sit down and dry off, then maybe we can see what dad's doing, maybe he'll let us help him."

"Mama said we can't help with chores... not the fun ones anyways... but okay."

Teal started the walk to the dock, making sure Sapphire was following before speeding up a bit. It was a quiet walk as the dock wasn't too far away, still Teal wondered if Sapphire was in a mood.

"What are you thinking about?"

Teal asked a bit softly, though she was smiling.

Sapphire flicked an ear back and nodded, her tail stood tail and stiff, wobbling as she walked. She looked proud.

Teal wagged her tail and shook off the extra water, Sapphire's proud smile wavered and she paused mid step to shake off entirely, spraying water everywhere and getting Teal wet again.

"Hey!"

"You got me so I had to get you back."

"Fine, but I'll get you for that later."

"No you wont, cause I'll get you right after."

"Nuh-uh!"

The two bickered back and forth until the made it to the dock, laying down and playfully growling at each other as they continued to yap back and forth.

Though before Teal could realize they both fell into a nap.

------•

The sun hit Teal's eyes and bothered her awake, she sat up and shook her head, wiping her eyes.

"Sapphire we fell asleep, wake up."

Sapphire blinked her eyes open and covered her muzzle and eyes with her paws, swishing her tail.

"Sapphire dad might be done already, get up."

"Who cares anyway he'd just say no, ma' prolly already told him we'd ask."

"You still need to get up, lazy no good-"

"Don't you DARE call me lazy!"

Sapphire jumped up and leapt at Teal, causing a scuffle.

Teal batted back against her attacker and Sapphire snapped at her ears and paws, the two rolled around for a bit, batting and biting and growling, Teal was able to stand up and push Sapphire back a bit, though before she could even open her eyes she new something wasn't right.

A splash and the gargling of Sapphire's screams shook her core.

Teal ran over and held out her paw, stretching it as far as she could.

"SAPPHIRE!!"

"Gra-hmm, Teew, geb mom!"

Sapphire couldn't reach the dock, her legs were just too short and she was drifting to far out to try and swim back, she had fallen into the deep end.

Teal hesitated for a bit as she was desperate to try and grab Fire's paw, but after another failed attempt she turned and ran, as fast as her legs would go.

She ran up the hill and into the house, screaming, "HELP!"

She ran through each room not even stopping, she was searching, hoping, praying that someone was inside.

"HELP! Some one HELP!"

She caught a glimpse of her dad who looked a bit tired and ran up to him, tugging at his leg.

"DAD, dad dad help, please help!"

"Whats going on Teal, this is no time to play jokes on me."

"Please! Please help!"

"Whats the rush, whats happened?"

"Sapphire!"

Teal didn't wait for him to answer or ask anymore questions, she ran, she bolted out the door and back down the hill, half way down she looked back to make sure her dad was following, luckily he was and he looked a bit more serious, Teal picked up her pace and dashed once she saw the dock she B-lined it and stopped just short of the edge, her father stopped beside her in a huff and looked around.

"Whats all this about dear? Whats happened?"

Teal looked over the water and couldn't see anything, the splashing and muffled screams were gone, nothing but the stillness of the water and the eerily calm sounds of summer.

Though once her dad saw how she was staring at the water he took one look and jumped in.

Teal leaned in over the edge watching the blurry dulled shape of her father swimming around, almost as soon as he went under he rose back up, a limp and sopping figure in his jaws, Teal knew, she ran over to meet her dad at the shore line, he had thrown Sapphire onto the ground and started to press into her side, water came sputtering out of her mouth like a bucket had fallen over. Still she hadn't moved a bit.

"TEAL!"

"Yes?!"

"Why didn't you come get me sooner?! You damn, how did this happen?"

"I-we... we took a nap here after playing and-"

"NO TEAL! How did your sister fall in the water!? She can't swim you know that! I know damn well she didn't jump in herself!"

"I!... we got in a fight and.."

"So you pushed her in?"

Teal felt a jab shoot through her heart, he was seriously accusing her of drowning her sister, but she didn't.

"NO! No no no! I only pushed her to get off of me! I swear it!"

"WELL YOU CAN SWEAR ALL YOU WANT BUT YOU CAUSED YOUR SISTER TO FALL IN AND NEARLY DROWN!"

"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I'M SORRY!"

Teal screamed back, she felt horrible, she wasn't lying, but her father was far too angry to listen.

"Go get your mom, hurry!"

Teal could feel her legs shaking under her weight but didn't try to stick around, she bolted back towards the house, tears in her eyes and a lump in her throat.

Every step felt like it took longer then the last, but she kept running, Sapphire was in trouble, she nearly drowned and Teal couldn't think of losing her, not today, not ever!

"MOM!"

"What is it? Where's your dad?"

"Mom dad needs help, sapphire fell into the water and won't wake up!"

Teal could feel the burn of a thousand bee stings on her pelt, her mother's eyes had so much anger and pain and disbelief in them, looking down on Teal as if she had misheard her.

"Mama please dad needs help, he's trying to wake sapphire up but she's not getting up!"

"Did you do this?!"

"NO! I didn't do anything! She fell in, hurry please..."

With a glare mother followed Teal outside and down the hill, running with her until they saw father by the shore, then mom ran full speed, leaving Teal behind.

I didn't mean it, I didn't do it.... it's not my fault... is it?

------•

#original story #original character #wolf #writing #JAWSawolfseries #JAWS #full chapters

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fatrainbowmermaidunicorn · 6 years ago

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Lost In Japan (Jimin x You)

A/N: this idea just popped in my head while I am taking a bath, and I rushed through my skincare routine just so I can jot this down 😂 anyway, I am going to combined this request with another. This being part one and the other part two. but it can also be read as a oneshot. I had wanted to do a story based on this song ever since I heard it (Lost In Japan by Shawn Mendes) bcs it just reminds me of the feeling you get at night on your holidays when you are just strolling around after a long day of exploring the city and met someone exciting ❤ and I dont know from what country you are anon, and I am not from Japan either, its just based on this song so you can imagine elsewhere ❤ Sorry if this is not what you have in mind

MASTERLIST

A/N : And also, I’m trying a new thing here and you are in no way obligated to do it but if any of you like my stories and want to give some support, why not buy me a coffee? ☕💜

A/N: I cant just keep a good thing to myself, so for those who are looking for a variety and affordable BTS and KPOP merchandise. visit this link right here okay

"Ahhh finally!" Jimin dropped his carry on on the floor and lie down in the middle of the bed, spreading out as wide as he can after taking off his stuffy jacket and mask. Airport arrivals are fun. Fun seeing their fans coming out all the way just to catch a glimpse of them and to welcomed them to their country. But as much as it is fun, it is also damn tiring. Especially when they are mobbed by crazy fans. Jimin is thankful he and his brothers managed to get out from the commotion as fast as they could and arrived safely at the hotel. And he is more thankful that they have individual rooms now.

Dont get him wrong. Sharing a room with Taehyung or Jungkook or even one of his hyungs are fun. Theres someone he can talk to and do fun vlive clips with, but sometimes he needs some space without anyone breathing down his neck too. Times like this, where he juat want to rest his tired body.

Japan.

A country they are so familiar with already.

Two days of concert here and three days of free days for him and his brothers to roam about before they fly back to Korea for their other schedules.

Jimin cant wait to shop, sightsee and of course eat. He had learn long ago to treat every tour like a vacation in order to make the whole journey less tiring, more fun and less stressed. Just like what the others told him, it doesnt matter as long as they have fun performing, their fans will surely have fun with them too.

But Jimin can feel that something more exciting is going to happen this time.

He can just feel it.

/////

"Y/N, YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS!"

Y/N calmly look up from the table shes wiping. Shes so used to her bestfriend yapping around like crazy. She used to get excited at first, but now, she learns that its better fir her to actually hear the news first. Mika can get super excited about a rock for all she knows.

"What is it that I wont believe Mika?" Y/N laughs. Thank god the cafe she works in has less customer today.

"BTS is coming! For a two days concert!" Mika shrieked.

"Okay... and?" She give her friend a short glimpse and turn back to her task.

"And?! What do you mean and?!" Mika went around and shakes her shoulders.

"Mika, they come here fir a concert every year! Sometimes even twice a year. Its not really a huge news," Y/N rolls her eyes.

"Oh right, I forgot," she giggles.

"You forgot they have a tour here every year? Every year that you become crazy everytime its announced?" Y/N eyed her friend, tapping her foot.

"No. I forgot about the news that you will not believe. The great news is...." she paused for dramatic effect before jumping and yelling, almost breaking Y/N's eardrum. "I got us two VIP tickets and a special fansign invite for both days! Both! Aaaahhhhhh!"

"Oh, thats great Mika! No wonder you are excited!" Y/N's smile grew. Mika has been trying to get tickets every year but she never made it. Online or physically lining up, she never gets the chance to get one. Y/N wonders how hard she work to get the tickets this time.

"Well, arent you?" Mika looks at her weirdly. "I know you are an ARMY too. And arent you excited? You can actually meet them, and converse with them! What if they fall in love with one of us?!" Mika exclaimed, already excited at the thought.

"Well, I am an ARMY," Y/N laughs at her friends cuteness. "But I only like them as a talented idol Mika. I dont even know what to talk to them about. And falling in love?" She giggles. "That only happens in fan fictions my friend. They will most probably already forget about you once the next fan came in view," she shakes her head and continue to clean the table, making Mika pouts.

"Sometimes I hate how practical you are. Cant you just let me dream a little?" She crosses her arm across her chest. "But still, you are coming with me right? Riggght?"

"Well, if you are willing to take me, then of course Mika," Y/N grins. "Of course I'll go with you. Who knows, maybe one of them will really fall in love with me," she giggles at the ridiculous statement.

Or she thought so.

/////

"Lets go people. We can do this!" Namjoon calls out behind the curtains, a few minutes before they are meeting their lucky fans who won the fansign event. After some peptalk and group hugs they went out and start the event.

The crowd is packed and loud, as usual. Girls screaming out their names and waving, trying to get their attention. Each of them did they usual routine, smiling, asking basic questions, answering the questions given to them, making aegyo, handshakes, posing for photos, wearing cute headbands and all sorts of fan service. Jimin is enjoying his time meeting his fan. He loves the attention they gives him and he appreciate all the support they gave to him all these years.

"Next!" The security calls out so the line will move as the fans switched to the next members. Jimin reaches out for the album and booklet in front of him, still looking down at thr album, flipping to the post-it where he should place his signature. But the post-it came empty, its just there as a mark to where he should place his signature. Iy seems the fan has no questions for him, which is a first. Their fans always have multiple questions for them to answer

"No question?" He looks up and immediately stopped blinking. In front of him stood the most beautiful angel he has ever since. Well, shes an angel to him, at least as everyone else seems to be perfectly normal.

"N-no question to ask?" He stuttered and mentally slapping himself. Shit, what is wrong with me. You are Park Jimin, composed yourself!

"Oh," she laughs, the most beautiful sound Jimin has ever heard. "No. Just an autograph will do,"

"Uh.. o-okay," with shaky hands Jimin put down his signature. God, what is wrong with me. I have met so many girls before and I am never like this. Calm down Park Jimin, composed yourself before she thinks you are weird. Come on, say something!

Jimin look around at the laughing fans by around him, talking to to the other members, talking to Taehyung and Jungkook, who is on his right and left side and he realized how quiet and awkward he is with this fan.

"O-oh right. I am Jimin. Whats your name?" Introducing yourself at your own fansign? Are you stupid Park Jimin?

She giggles.

And Jimin's heart skipped a beat. How unusual.

"I know you are Jimin. How can I come here and not know you," she leans forward to a whispering gesture, making Jimin's heart thumped faster at her close proximity. "ARMYs will kill me if I dont," she giggles more and leans back to her normal position in front of him. "And my name is Y/N,"

Jimin smile. How bold. How interesting. And what a name. Beautiful. Just like her.

"And Y/N.. how come you have no questions to ask? Arent ARMYs always curious?" He taps her post it to show the blank paper and Y/N shakes her head.

"No. Not really," she smiles. "Nothing that I want to know,"

"Just nothing for me or for everyone?" Jimin feels the need to ask. He felt like he needs to know if Y/N is just not interested in him or she really doesnt have a question for everyone.

"Well, its not just you. I dont have a question for everyone," Y/N's smile got bigger. Jimin raised an eyebrow curiously.

"Oh? And why is that?"

"Well, because everything you are allowed to tell me, it will be published in the news, or articles or something anyway. And if I asked you a real question, you wont be allowed to answer truthfully anyway. Isnt that right?" she laughs. "So no. No questions,"

Jimin was stunt. Never has anyone ever throw that cold hard truth to his face. Its true. Whatever they are showing and potraying in public, the character that they show, all of it is something that they want their fans to see. There are still parts of them that their fans doesnt know. A part of them, rhat is the real them that they didnt show the world. Mouth agape, Jimin looks at Y/N's face, not knowing what else to say.

His gut js right. Jimin is right, fron the moment he looks up to her face, he knew theres definitely something special about her.

"Well, whats your real question?" Jimin finally find his voice and the bravery he needed.

"When you are allowed to answer it, then I'll ask about it," she giggles, just in time for the security to shout next, and Y/N waves a hand and move aside before Jimin could say anything else. Y/N move to Taehyung, leaving Jimin speechless, and fascinated.

Y/N... hmmm.. his feelings is right then. Japan is going to be interesting this time around.

/////

Jimin knew he is going to see Y/N again at the concert. Everyone who attends the fanmeet has a VIP ticket, which is a particularly small section that is made special for them right in front of the stage. He is sure if he look hard enough, he will see her. Shes too beautiful, and too special to him now for Jimin not to notice.

And sure enough, the moment their went on stage, Jimin saw her face, smiling brightly with her Army bomb in hand, giggling with her friend. A surge or energy runs through him. Jimin suddenly feels like he needs to do the very best tonight, no, extra best tonight. He needs to show her that he is Jimin, and he is up here, looking at her and apprently, only at her.

Jimin never kept her eyes off her, which is a little hard to do considering he needs to sing and dance and converse with his fans, well, other fans too. And its a stranger feeling for him, when a pang of jealousy hits him hard when he saw Y/N waving and taking photos of Taehyung, jumping and singing along to the other members' part.

What the hell is wrong with me? Shes a fan! She didnt pay for the tickets only to see you alone Jimin.

Without realizing, Jimin suddenly feek the need to futher make his existabce known. Known to Y/N. And keeping his eyes only on her, he starts to show off his dancing skills, making extra sexy moves and flirty gestures, which of course, make the packed stadium roared with cheers but reveiving weird looks from the other members.

It doesnt matter.

The crowd. The music. The members.

What matters is that if this will make Y/N looks at him, it was all worth it.

At least he hope she understand the sign hes trying to tell her.

/////

"Woah, what is wrong with Chim today?" Mika stares at the satge, mouth dropped opened. "I mean, I know he is sexy and all, but thats like being possesed with a sexy spirit or something," she points to Jimin who was grinding on the stage floor. "I dont remember the cheography being like that,"

Y/N shrugs.

"Maybe its a concert only special performance," Y/N justified.

"How are you so calm? He is even looking at you while doing all that. Oh my god, he really is!" Mika jumped, waving her Army bomb with excitement.

"Not at me Mika. My direction. Our direction. He cant even see the crowd with all those blinding lights. And look around you, theres thousand of people here," she laughs. "You think he wouls pick me out from the crowd?"

"Hey, you never know. You personally met him at the fansign. Maybe he remembers you," Mika giggles at how practical her friend. Girl, dream a little!

"Hello," Y/N rolls her eyes. "Everybody here went to the fansign Mika. This is the VIP section!"

"Oh my god. I forgot! Maybe you are right. But hey, its not wrong to imagine!" Mika laughs, Y/N joining her.

"Stop imagining useless things and just enjoy the rest of the concert!" Y/N yells through the noise, laughing. "Besides, its Park Jimin, being sexy and flirty on stage is his thing. I dont think thats anything extra anyway,"

"Okay, okay, you are right. Lets just enjoy this!" Mika grab her shoulders and starts bouncing, waving her Army bomb around. Y/N joins in, singinf along and recording videons of her and Mika, totally not realizing how hard Jimin is trying to wink her way.

/////

"I did everything I can, and she still dont even acknowledge me!" Jimin huffed.

"Are you serious? Shes a fan and you still cant get her to even look at you? Wow Chim, you really have no jams," Namjoon laughs.

"Hyung, its not funny! What do I do?" Jimin grumbled.

"Okay, okay. Lets think. The whole two days. She didnt look at you? At all?" Namjoon inquired, trying to help the younger man.

"Well, she does look at me..," Jimin ponders.

"Okay. Then whats the problem? You did talk to her at the fansign yesterday right? And today? Did you guys hit it off? Did you two share any interest? Maybe you are just not her type. What did you two talked about? Tell me everything from A to Z," Namjoon pulls a chair and sits in front of him, giving Jimin his full attention.

"T-talk?"

"Yeah. Talk. Like what we are doing right now. Hi I'm Jimin, I like you, can I have your number so I can take you out sometime, that kind of thing," Namjoon eyed him carefully.

"W-well... I didnt really talk to her hyung.." Jimin trailed off.

"What do you mean? You get her name. What else did you ask her? You met her twice at a fan sign Chim," Namjoon eyed him curiously.

"Well, at the first meef, I asked her for her name, so I can sign her album. And she explained to me why she dont asks any questiona, and then I blanked out and before I know it, it was already Taehyung's turn," Jimin pouted. "The time is too short for each person!"

"Well, you never complain before!" Namjoon roll her eyes. "Them what about today?"

"T-today?" Jimin stutter nervously as the memory of today's fansign entered his mind.

He was in no mood at all today After the concert on the first day, Jimin was frustrated. Y/N didnt notice him. After the concert she went back like everyone else. She went out so fast he didnt even get the chance to ask security or his managers to call her out. Jimin knew that he wont evenr see her again. Having that in his mind ruin his whole mood.

He went by fan by fan, signing their album and giving small smiles when required. When asked, he only says hes a bit tired and his fans will express their worry and tell him to get some rest. Never would have thought that he would hear the voice again as a a flatten box of their offical light stick and the photocarda were slide in front of him.

"You already sign all my albums and posters yesterday, so this is all I have left for you to sign," Jimin look up to the smiling face of Y/N and he thought hes dreaming.

"Y/N?"

"Yeah," she smile. "Wow, you remembered me!"

"O-of course I do!" Jimin tries to calm himself. "I didnt think you would come again, and both fansigns? Wow,"

"Well," she giggles. "I guess I am your biggest fan. All of you were great last night,"

"Yeah? But you went off so fast!" Jimin pouts and cursed himself for saying that when Y/N gives him a weird look. Now he sounds like a stalker.

"So fast? How did you know?" Y/N asked him curiously. Did Jimin really saw her in the crowd?

"Uh well.. call it intituition," he laughs awkwardly and Y/N just nodded.

"Well..." Y/N looks around, feeling awkward as she waits for the fan in front of Taehyung to move and lets a breath if relief when she does. "Okay, I'll go now,"

"Wait!" Jimin panics. This might be his last chance to have any sort if way to contact her. "Do-you-think-you-can-give-me-"

"And oh, good luck for tonight," Y/N suddenly say at the same time as his word jumble and patted his hand. The moment her hand touched his, eventhough its just a pat and for a second, Jimin blanked out, all his senses gone, heart pumping so rapidly it almost burst out. Bedore he can calm himself down and find words again, the security already shouted next and Y/N quicy waved and move on to Taehyung.

"Both times? Seriously? You blanked out both times??" Namjoon is shrieking out now. "God, you are hopeless!"

"Y-yeah..." Jimin look at his hyung, scared. "Its not my fault she touched my hand hyung!" Jimin try to defend himself.

"Touch Chim. Not even hold. And you have done this with countless fans! Girl fans!" Namjoon is at the brink of giving up.

"But hyunggg," Jimin wailed. "Thise firls are not Y/N! She's so pretty and smart, and not startruck and everything she said to Tae and Kookie are funny and smart then I'm the one who kinda got starstruck..."

"Oh my god, you are a bigger idiot than I thought," Namjoon hissed and slap Jimin's forehead, making him rubbed it "Okay, fine. But if you barely even talked to her, why are you saying she didnt acknowledge you? I mean... even if she does, which I think she should with your stupidity, she didnt even have a chance to say it, right?"

"But hyungggg, even if I didnt directly say it, its obvious I am flirting with her. And only her!" Jimin answered as if his effort is the most obvious thing in the world.

"Flirt? How?" Namjoon asked, curious on what Jimin meant by flirting if they never even have a proper conversation.

"Didnt you see my extra sexy moves on stage? My winks, my flying kisses, my hip thrusts, how many times I run my hand through my hair, and seductively too if I might add, during these two concert?" Jimin smile proudly.

"Wait, are you saying your little cabaret show this past two nights is you flirting with her?" Namjoon rubs his chin.

"Duhh, of course hyung. What else? I am not a man slut like Kookie who do it for fun hyung,"

"Idiot!" Namjoon slap his head hard this time. "That is what you call flirting? We thought you were possesed by some strip club ghost or something!"

"Ow hyungg, what the hell??" Jimin rubbed his forehead.

"How the fuck is Y/N supposed to know you are flirting with her when you do that in front of a packed stadium you dimwit? A stadium full of screaming girls too! And you always do those shit, yeah, its a little extra this time, but she will just think you are doing your typical flirting with the crowd thing," Namjoon hissed

"W-what?" Jimin panics. "Do you really think she thinks like that? That I am justsome big flirt to my fans?"

"Duhhh," Namjoon roll his eyes.

"But its all for her!" Jimin wailed.

"She didnt know that dumbass. You should have shown your interest during the fanmeet. Both freaking times!" Namjoon sighed and stands up.

"Wait, where are you going hyung? We are not done yet!" Jimin stands up and follow his hyung like a puppy.

"I am not entertaining this dumb shit. Im going,"

"But what am I going to do?!" Jimin wailed for help.

"Nothing. The concert is over Chim. Just pray that you will see her again," Namjoon shrugs before he leaves the room. "You have three days before we fly back home. Make it count,"

/////

Their free day was filled with sight seeing, shopping and eating. Jimin had fun, yes, but he cant help but feeling down whenever he thought about his lost chance of getting to know Y/N more. He has never been this interested in a woman before, nor has he even felt this kind of amazing chemistry towards a girl. Y/N is special, Jimin know she is. And although he doesnt know for sure if she really is the one for him, but he is sure that he atleast wants to get to know her better. And he wants to see where they will go from there.

"Cheer up hyung! Its only a girl. You will forget her soon. I am sure of it," Jungkook smile and roughly hug his shoulder, dragging him into the anime store. "Atleast your amazing favorite maknae is still here with you,"

"Yeah. Annoying maknae," he laughs. "I am in no mood to look at animes abd robots Kook, and also in no mood to hear you and Tae arguing about whos the better hero or whatever," he looks around the street. "I am going to head there, the coffee shop. Meet me there okay?"

Jungkook shrugs and pulls Taehyung to the store instead as Jimin make his way to the coffeeshop. Securing his mask and cap, he enters and nothing surprised him more than seeing the perfect girl smiling at a customer behind the cashier counter.

Y/N.

/////

"Okay.. if thats Y/N.. why are the three of us hiding behind this huge flower pot like some criminal?" Jungkook asks Jimin in confusion. His hyung rans in panics and drags both him and Taehyung to the coffee shop. And with panting breath, he nervously points towards a girl and only one word comes out from his mouth. "Y/N" and they have been hiding behind a huge flower pot in the coffee shop since then.

"Well, because I dont want her to see us. See me. What do I say?" Jimin wioes his sweaty forehead.

"Thats it? Thats the reason you ran all the way, drag me and Tae-hyung here, and hides behind this pot for 40 minutes now?!" Jungkook looks at his hyung, not believing his reason. "Thats it, I'm going in and introducing us and getting you her number!"

"Wait. What?? No!" Jimin drags Jungkook back behind the pot.

"Why? Isbt that what you want hyung? Her number? You have been moping since last night!"

"Y-yeah.. but how can I just ask her. Thats Y/N. Y/N! What if she say no? O-or she laughs at me? Or thinks I'm weird?" Jimin is freaking out and even he hinself doesnt know why he is like this.

"Well, we dont know if we dont try Chim. Let me and Kookie go and ask for you," Taehyung speaks up and stands up, revealing himself. Jimin panics and pulls him back behind the pot.

"What the hell! No! Sit Tae. Let me just think of something okay? I need to impress her somehow. So she would never ever say no," Jimin rubs her chin and the three sits behind the pot for a while longer, all in silence before Jimin suddenly shouted. "Okay, I got it! She will say yes to be my girlfriend after this! I am sure of it!"

/////

"From Park Jimin? The Korean idol Park Jimin?" Y/N eyed the flower delivery man curiously as he smile and nods. "Is this a prank? Tell me, who put you up to this? Its a girl right?"

"Uh no.. its really Park Jimin. He came to the shop. With Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook. I know its them because I am a fan and also," he taps the note on the flower, "Park Jimin put his name there,"

"So right now... you are saying.. that the world famous idol, Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung, just walk into your store, in broad daylight, and ordered flowers.. for me?" She points to herself.

"Uh.. yeah. Thats about right," the deliveryman nods again and smile. Y/N lets out a loud sarcastic laugh.

"Okay, good one. I am pretty sure this is a prank now," she received the flowers and sniff it. "Atleast I get flowers, prank or not. Thanks,"

The delivery guy shrugs and leaves, but not before looking at Y/N as if shes crazy.

"It must be Mika. Shes the only one who thinks Jimin is looking at me at the concert," Y/N shrugs and continue her work, the flowers forgotten.

Or so she thought.

Throughout the day, many more weird deliveries were made. More flowers, big, expensive ones too, cupcakes, balloons, choclates, chocolates bouquets, and even a puppy, which Y/N immediately asked to be sent back. At this rate she knows it couldnt be Mika. Is it really Jimin?

But why?

How does he knows where she works?

Even if he did finds out, did he really remember her?

And even if he did remember, why is he sending her all this stuff?

Y/N was confused for the whole day, and shes also embarassed when the customers and even her supervisor keeps complimenting how sweet her boyfriend is. Truth is, shes nor even sure if its really Jimin whos sending her all this stuff.

The gifts continue for the next three days, and Y/N just accept and places it all at the store room, even fivinf out the food to her colleagues and loyal customers. After a long hard shift, its finally time to close up. And deciding to leave everything she receives today at the shop, she cleans up and cloaed up the shop. While locking the door suddenly someone tapped her back.

"A delivery for Miss Y/N..."

"Seriously?!" With a frustrated and tired sighed she turns around. "Its almost 12 am at- J-Jimin?"

Y/N couldnt ever imagine thats its really Park Jimin standing in front of her, holding a huge bouquet of flowers. His face is covered with a mask, yes, but theres no doubt that its him.

"Well.. yeah. Are you expecting someone else?" Jimin cocks his head. Even he is nor sure where he gets his sudden confidence.

"Well... no. But I didnt expect it to be you either. Is it safe for you to roam around Japan like this? Are you lost?" Y/N furrowed her brows. How can he be lost? Where is manager?

"No. I am not lost. Unless you count loss of words everytime I see you," he smile.

"Huh?"

"Uh.. no, no, nothing. Uh.. you dont sound excited to be receiving all the gifts I sent you?" Jimin suddenly remembered hows frustrated she sound earlier when she thought he ia the delivery man.

"Well, to be honest. Not really. I mean.. I am not even sure it its really from you. And even though it is, I am still curious as to why? I mean... you dont really know me... and we are not really friends. Right?" Y/N looks at him.

Jimin is speechless. Doesnt girls like that kind of stuff? Especially from someone like him? But as he look at Y/N who is standing in front of him, face full of confusion, he realizes, Y/N is not like normal girls. thats why he felt attracted to her. Look at her right now, standing in front of him bur isnt starstruck at all.

"Uh.. to be honest, I kinda feel a chemistry between us when we first met at the first fansign..." Jimin takes a deep breath. Courage dont leave me now. "And.. I uh.. would like to talk more with you. To get to know you,"

"Okay..m so you decide to stalk me?" Y/n take a step back, a little scared. Jimin raised his hands up defensively.

"No, no! Its not like that. I didnt stalk you to find out where you work. I accidentally found out where you work 3 days ago, so I thought I could send you gifts, as a way to break the ice-"

"Wait, so you had known where I work for three days, and instead of coming in and say hi, like a normal person, you decide to flaunt your money and buy me stuff?" Y/N is trying to understabd what is the man trying to do.

"Well.. uh.. it sounds bad when you put it like that...but-but I thought you knew about my interest in you!" Jimin tries to safe whatever dignity he has left as Y/N eyes him carefully. "I have been flirting with you for the two whole concert days!"

"Flirting? When??" Y/n questioned him. "You barely even talk to me during the fansign Jimin-ssi," Y/N reminds him.

"D-dont you see me malong eye contact with you on stage? All those dance moves? Those extra stuff I did?"

"Huh?" Y/N looks straight at him. "Are you telling me that is you flirting?" Y/N didnt know if she should laugh or be pissed right now. "Thats the way to show me that you want to talk to me?"

"Y-yes,"

"Jimin... If you want to talk to me you can just ask. To be honest, I find you interesting to talk to too," Y/N smile.

"Really?!"

"Yeah... but after this weird gift giving thing... I am not sure..."

"What? No! I am not weird! Uh actually," Jimin panics. Is Y/N really going to just shut him away now? He has to do something. The thing that he planned to do when he came here. "Actually, I'm flying back to Korea tomorrow but before I leave... I just uh... wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend," he quickly pulls out a box with a white gold diamond bracelet inside. "And give you this,"

Y/N was silenced for a moment and Jimin hope that thats a good sign. He knows its rash, but hes leaving to Korea tomorrow and he needs a way to stay in touch with her. To just... make her his.

"Are you seriously kidding me right now?" Was Y/N's answer after the silenced.

"N-no?"

Y/N scoff.

"You never even introduce yourself properly to me. Or get to know me. Or even talk to me for the matter! How do you know you even really like me? If its only a blind atttaction, only because you like how I look, then I dont want any of it! Yes, I am your fan and I kmow mostly everything about you, but I dont want to know you as BTS' Park Jimin, I want to know you as Park Jimin... do you get it? And giving me ridiculous expensive gifts for three days is flirting and a way to talk to me?? And please know that hip thrusting and swiping your hair back on stage doesnt count either. What are you trying to do? Do you think I am that kind of girl Jimin?" Y/N look softly at him.

"I want a guy to ask me out, to ask me if I have plans and take his time to know me. I dont need your money or your fame Jimin. If you really like me, you would know thats the kind of girl I am. I am leaving, I am sorry, I have to declined. Have a safe flight back to Korea," Y/N bows and walks away, leaving Jimin alone.

Jimin was silenced by her unexpected outburst. He really didnt think ahe would say all this, nor did he think about how stupid his plans are. Taehyung and Jungkook has warned him, even suggested to just greet her and ask for her number, but noooo, he has to feel like he needs to impress her with expensive gifts. Now look what happen.Everything she says just make Jimin realized that she is excatly what he wants, who he needs in a woman. In a life partner. He wants to get to know her, all of her, but it seems like hes too late now.

/////

"Hyung? You okay?" Jungkook sat beside him on the bed. Its been a few days after the tour, and Jimin has been sad and locking himself in his rooms ever since.

"Yeah.. I guess?" Jimin answered lifelessly.

"You dont look okay Chim. You look... lost?" Taehyung sat at the other side of him.

"I am lost Tae. I have never been this lost in my entire life. I think I lost myself in Japan, I acted the way I would never have, and because of it, I lost my love,"

"Well.. if you lost something in Japan... I guess you have to go and get it back. Simple Chim," Taehyung grins and pat his back, hoping his best friend will understand what he meant.

/////

What happened last week is still a blur to Y/N. Did Park Jimin really sent her gifts for three days straight? The Park Jimin? Worldwide idol Park Jimin? And did he really showed up to her coffee shop and tell her he lijes ber, and wanted her to be his girlfriend? And did she rejected him, just like that?

Everything is like a dream to her. She is not even sure if it really happened it shes just imagining it all. But the wilted flowers and uneaten chocolate bars proves that all of it is too real.

She cant lie to herself. Her heart did do a little flip at the sight of Jimin that night. Yes, shes practical, but theres still a part of her that wants a fairy tale ending for herself too. She almost say yes, her heart is beating out from her chest. She cant believe its happening, Park Jimin likes her... but then her practical side takes over. Reminding her that they barely knew each other, what if Jimin ends up not liking her? And what she told Jimin is true, she wants someone who will ask her out, who will take his time to learn about her, just as mich as she will learn about him.

Maybe Jimin is only a drean afterall.

As she walks along the sakura covered park, Y/N sighed. Shes at her happy place. Her beautiful home, but she has never felt so lost.

/////

"Thank god I found you here," the voice behind her pants. Y/N immediately turns around only to see Park Jimin panting, holding his knees. Is she hallucinating in broad daylight now?

"Jimin? Is that really you?" She looks at the figure closely. Jimin looks up after catching his breath

"H-hi. I'm Park Jimin, and I came all the way from Korea just to find you, and someone told me that you are at a sakira park, but theres a lot of sakura park during during spring in Japan and I went to like 30 of them and then I got lost all over Japan, but I dont care, because I can handle being lost in Japan, but I cant handle losing myself again and worse, losing a chance to know you," he smile at her stunt reaction. "Y/N.. I got lost all over Japan, just so I can ask you..," Jimin wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans as Y/N smile at his stuttering form.

"Yes, Park Jimin?" Y/N flashed him a wide smile, easing his mind and making all his doubts dissappear, a surge of confidence suddenly surfacing in him.

"Do you... do you perhaps have any plans tonight? Because I want to take you out. I want to spend the whole night getting to know you, all about you," He took a step forward and bravely hold her waist, grinning widely.

"And why would you want to do that when you just met me three times Park Jimin?" Y/N hide her smile any longer.

"Because I.. well, because honestly Y/N..." he tuxks a stray hair behind her ears and look straight into her eyes, "I cant get you out of my mind,"

#bts #bangtan boys #bangtan scenarios #bangtan #BTS jimin #park jimin #bts park jimin #jimin #jimin scenario #jimin fluff #jimin fanfic #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop scenario #kpop merch #bts merch

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selfpityandporn · 7 years ago

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Rant- Okay, #1, fuck you. You started a fight and now like everything you’ve been a cunt about is fucking coming back and pissing me off. But lets just keep to I dunno, this week.

I literally had to fight both of you, "adults" just to take OUR cat to the vet, cause your fucking cheap and in goddamn denial, thats right GODDAMN, I can say that, because fuck you I can. I don't care if it uses gods name in vain, since when did you give a shit about god any way, considering the absolute shit storm you've given me for the last 4 years about going to church you didn't know anything about.

I fight just to get this cat to vet, long story short she's deathly sick. And I'm not complaining about taking care of her, I'm happy too, I will wipe her ass everyday long as she gets to be here, cause I love her and she's family. But the fact that I literally have to fight you just to get her fucking .70 food is GODDAMN ridiculous, god forbid her flea or ear mite medicine to keep her from scratching the blood out of herself. But I'm dollering you to death, and I'm a selfish peice of shit, excuse the fucking shit outta me.

Also, thanks for literally not helping me with her at FUCKING ALL. Like I said, I'm just happy she's alive, but honestly you wanna talk about how much you love her, and care about her, but you wont help me get the right food, and can't even take care of her. Our kitty was so sick she couldn't even move, so she had to be carried. I didn't want to take her to my room, because theres fucking shit and insulation everywhere from our shower breaking and dad still not cleaning up or fixing it, and I can't clean it up without getting bitched out. But god forbid we put her in your room, really? It's clean, your rooms not as hot, and you have a place to put her, but your terrified she's gonna pee or something, really? Your lucky she's fucking alive, I got pissed on taking her to the vet. Why, BECAUSE SHES SICK AND CANT HELP IT. I didn't get mad, I cleaned it up LIKE A FUCKING ADULT. You won't help me carry her when I'm trying to get her food, you don't want her in the living room. I could go on and on, you get the idea, I'm happy my cats alive, but fuck you for not helping me help her. SHE NEEDS US, your dropping the goddamn ball.

Lets get to today, the snapper of this, cause honestly this HAS SO MUCH SHIT, from you calling me a whore, accusing me of shit, not teaching me how to drive, cussing me out, not coming to my school stuff, thats might be a fucking tenth of all the shit that has been frustrating me. BECAUSE YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE AN ADULT, AND A PARENT, YOUR SUPPOSED TO HELP ME BUT INSTEAD YOU HAVE YOUR HEAD STUCK UP YOUR ASS.

We had our little family trip today, it was going so well. Till we were almost home, everyones in the car. Like usual you and dad are smoking like fucking trains and I can't fucking breathe, god forbid I roll down my window to satisfy MY HUMAN FUCKING NEED FOR OXYGEN. That wasn't the biggest issue, no the biggest issue is when you decided to fun your fucking mouth cussing me. Make such a huge fucking deal out of literally nothing. And when I say big deal, I mean on and on and on for 30 goddamn minutes. And any time it got quiet, YOU KEPT FUCKING YAPPING. I literally put my ear buds in, and ignored you. I didn't keep arguing, till you were LITERALLY SCREAMING SO LOUD I COULD HEAR YOU OVER MY ROARING TRAP MUSIC. Then I retaliate, you tell me to just shut the fuck up, the conversations over. FUCK YOU, I STOPPED TALKING 30 GODDAMN MINUTES AGO, YOUR THE DUMB FUCK THAT KEEPS GODDAMN TALKING.

And then, you pissed me off. Lets jump to last week. I got my first credit card, why? Because my laptop broke, I needed another for my online classes, we as a family were too broke to buy it. I understand that, I took it into my own hands. Then, you tried to start a fight, cause I didn't wanna go an extra 200+ into debt getting my little brother, WHO IS LITERALLY 8 a fucking laptop. You started a fight, because I refused to buy and 8 year old, a laptop, on my credit. Which oh by the way I know you would have never payed me back for, because your you and I've learned this lesson literally a dozen times, but your my mom so I keep letting you borrow my christmas money (I might get like, $60 each year, which is all I get from my family members, she "borrows" Then, will get her taxes, blow them and not pay me back, and guilt trip me about literally buying me stuff for my birthday at tax time, anyways) You tried to start a fight over that, then literally tried to put words in my mouth, saying I said I'd get him one. No, I didn't. I said I wish I could, I want him to learn how to type, but my line of credit is only $500, my laptop it's self was $250, the rest I was trying to save for emergencies, cause I knew we were fucking broke.

Now, I'm not on a rabbit trail, this ties in I promise. The day I got my laptop, we had went in Walmart to look, you said you were gonna get a handful of groceries while I looked, alright. I didn't get a laptop there, we go to leave. You ask me to pay for the groceries. I told you I didn't want to on credit, but how much is it? "Oh only like $20, I only got a few." Checked out, it was like $40. I got it anyways, and just asked that when you had the money, (She's literally getting a 1000+ check for her 401k in like, a week) if you could give me some for the upcoming comic con. (Comic con is a big deal for me, I cosplay, I go with my best friend and her family, I literally look forward to it all year. Most of the time I go, I'm usually broke, except for the last few cause I had a job until about a month before all this, whole other rant, anyways) So I was like cool, it sucks I'm another 40$ in the hole, but she knows how much con means to me, she'll give me it back. Then, I get my laptop. Back to the 8yr old brother thing, he literally has broken like 5+ tablets, my tv, and 3 phones alright. He gets mad, will throw them, scream curse words at them. It's ridiculous, literally didn't want to throw away $200+ I DIDNT HAVE on a brat who was gonna destroy it, along with my parents not knowing how to use it, neither does he so they expect me to fix LITERALLY everything, which is so annoying, cause then, he breaks it, its somehow on me. Anyways.

I was nice enough to lay away the laptop for you, another $30 I didn't have, but it got you off my fucking back. You also said you'd give me that back for con. I just wanna put in here, that when I got my job and actually had hours, I took my family out to dinner every paycheck, bought them stuff. Genuinely tried to not be selfish, Literally I think the only big thing I bought myself was my cosplay that I had wanted for like, years. But then my hours got cut, I was working literally 5 hours a week. I might have made $30-$40 for the majority of my employment, an with that I iterally saved up to take my friend out for her birthday and buy myself bedsheets, and still tried to take us out to eat, cause we got to do it as a family. But during this she was literally acting like, I had to pay for anything and everything. I needed to go to town for school, "You got gas money?" I asked for a few dollers so I could eat at work/before works, "Can't you buy it yourself?" Like, I would have HAPPILY if I had it, but I didn't, and your literally my mom, can you not drive me to school? Help me buy lunch, like WTfff?

And, today. Oh today, after you cussed and cussed and fucking cussed, I put my earbuds in and leave it alone, I DIDN"T SAY ANYTHING BACK, even though I know your still talking trash. I pause my musics just so I can hear you.

"Just wait till the next time you need something from me! Just fucking wait, and you can forget about your goddamn comic con money, go get a fucking job!."....................................................

I'm sorry, excuse me? Did I just fucking hear that correctly? See, I'm not a bad person, I don't believe so. But I fucking mentally snapped. I literally spent hours the other week helping her find another job, putting in her application. I can't get a job, because in the past fucking year and half she hasn't taken, and no exageration, more than 20 minutes to try to teach me how to drive, and not not only are you refusing to give me to the money you deadass owe me. But I. I need to get. A . God. Damn. Job.???????

At first, I handled it like a child, a child who loves their mother. "I don't care, I'll have fun without a fucking dime to my name." Then, my ass adulted, silently, excuse me. Excuse me, I don't think I heard that correctly, you not only are tryna sit there and cuss me, TELL ME TO GET A JOB, and, oh and, try to refuse the money you took from me?

I really, ya know, I really don't think thats gonna work. Cause see here, asshat, I have all your credit card info, all your social shit cause you don't know how to do a fucking job application, and, oh and, a cold GODDAMN shoulder. So heres how this is gonna work darlin, the day of con will come, and you will either give me my money (I didn't even ask for the full $70 btw, I said maybe like $40.) But you will either now give me all $70, or I will slip your card from your wallet, while your in your smokin drunken stooper, and frankly, cruelly, hold it fucking hostage till you #1Give me my fucking money, and #2 Fucking apologize, and admit you tried to do me so goddamn shitty. And if I don't think that apology is good enough, I'll take my money on my own and you will have disappointed me. I gave so many chances for redemption, and I still am.

But honestly this is prolly my fucking snapping point cause you have insulted me and frustrated me enough. I am 18, I am trying to adult, with no help from you, if anything more fight. Between finishing my senior year by my fucking self, to the stupid job shit, to omg, all the college shit she was supposed to help me with that I had to do on my own, to our poor cat which I'm trying to nurse off the fucking death bed single handedly, to literally not being able to get a job because of you, to you now more than likely ruining my credit, cussing me out, and just being an absolute pain in my goddamn ass along with every fucking thing else I am having to do on my own.

So, excuse me, fuck you. Get the fuck out of my way. You will NOT stand between me and the things I have earned and strive to get. In fact, no one will. You wanna be fucking petty, and fucking rude? Don't get made at me for winning a game you goddamn started :) K, thanks.

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viralhottopics · 8 years ago

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Susan Sarandon: ‘Its an easy place to put your frustrations, to blame me’

The actor discusses playing Bette Davis in the new small-screen drama Feud and why shes tired of people criticizing her for refusing to support Hillary Clinton

Susan Sarandon is here to talk about a much-publicized feud between two successful women. But, as the Oscar-winning actor and activist had made crystal clear the week before I spoke to her, during a tense interview on MSNBCs All In, shes not interested in talking about that feud.

Rather than yet another over-analysis of her role in Hillary Clintons shock election loss, shed rather turn the discussion to talk of Bette Davis and Joan Crawford, two women also pitted against each other, this time in 1960s Hollywood. In Feud: Bette and Joan, the latest FX show from Ryan Murphy, creator of American Horror Story and American Crime Story, the intricacies of their famed battle are brought to vibrant life with Jessica Lange as Joan Crawford and Sarandon playing Davis. Its a fun, snappy eight-episode behind-the-scenes reveal (the next season will focus on the feud between Prince Charles and Princess Diana) and provides a worthy reminder of the destructive influence that meddling men had in tearing the two women apart.

This is a really blatant example of trying to control two people by making sure they dont join forces, she tells me on the phone, dog yapping in the background. I think that mentality and lack of imagination you can see in all the reality shows. Thats the entirety of their plots: just turning women against each other and getting them drunk so that something dramatic happens, even if its a fight over nothing. Its always easier, I think, to suck people into drama when its negative as opposed to something thats constructive.

Susan Sarandon as Bette Davis and Jessica Lange as Joan Crawford in Feud: Bette and Joan. Photograph: FX

If thered been a Real Housewives of Hollywood in the early 60s, Bette and Joans on-set sparring while making Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? would have made for a ratings magnet. There was a pay dispute, nastiness in gossip columns, petty pranks and even physical violence. But over 50 years later, the business is different: studios no longer own stars in the way they once did and women are making headway towards equality. Competition is not what it once was.

I think that happened just in my generation, Sarandon says. I see examples of actresses just a little bit ahead of me who really saw women as their enemy and had no intention of forming any kind of alliance. Now, thats certainly not true. You might be envious of a part you didnt get but its switched to understanding that you need women as allies and that were stronger together, not divided.

Its an ethos thats been reflected throughout her career, with roles in a number of Bechdel test-smashing films, including The Witches of Eastwick, Thelma and Louise, Little Women, Stepmom and last years acclaimed comeback vehicle The Meddler. Shes also been keen to work with more female directors, having recently worked with a set of them on the production of Feud, but one area of equality that shes less sure about is that awkward matter of who gets paid what.

I dont think it matters that Jennifer Lawrence is paid 70 times more than what I am, she says. Its a business that is so subjective and I feel so lucky to be able to earn a living, and this is why to go after pay equality is a really chancy subject because if Tom Cruise has a leading lady thats in the movie as much as he is, should she get the same amount of money if shes been in the business a shorter amount of time? And should a character actor thats been in the business for 50 years not get paid more? Its a sin what happens to these supporting actors through the years where they can barely exist on the pay they get. Theres no equity in terms of value, and who knows how these decisions are made. So you cant apply that to feeling unfair because the whole fact that actors get paid as much as we do is ridiculous. I mean, what a fabulous life. I cant bitch about whatever my pay level is. I dont focus on that.

Susan Sarandon in The Meddler. Photograph: Sony

But as content as Sarandon seems, theres no denying that shes been frustratingly absent from the spotlight in recent years. Shes not stopped working but more often shes been taking on small, little-seen roles. Its not simply a dearth of scripts for women of a certain age in the industry, its also Sarandon being understandably picky. Unlike many other Oscar-winning female actors, shes resisted the urge to take on thankless roles in franchise fodder. She chose not to play the doomed female president in last years Independence Day: Resurgence (When I read the script, I couldnt understand what was going on) and the only sequel youll see her in any time soon is John Turturros Big Lebowski spin-off (something she calls a crazy film that she still cant believe they got the money for).

After the success of Thelma and Louise, many thought it would be a game-changer, showing Holly-bros that theres a sizable audience for a film about female friendship but as Bridesmaids has since shown, these hits are often seen as unlikely exceptions and fail to cause the seismic shift predicted. I think that a woman can look at a story that has a male protagonist and can identify that she could do that or be in that situation, she says. But I think its harder for male executives to imagine that anybody is really gonna get into a female lead because its hard for them to imagine. I dont think its meant to be a mean thing, I just think its a lack of imagination.

Its meant that, while shes starred in a number of aforementioned female-fronted films, shes still been paired mostly with men throughout her career. Its been a generally harmonious time, but Sarandon recalls the closest shes got to having a Bette v Joan situation. There was one gentleman, she says. He hadnt really done films, I dont think, and he was in the midst of a very successful TV run and was a heart-throb. There were definitely some problems and hed developed some habits, because in the atmosphere where he was working, he wasnt used to women challenging him in any way and was spoiled by the rules that they set up. At one point, they allowed him to leave on my reverse at the end of the day, so I was suddenly expected to do my lines with the script supervisor and him gone for my close-up.

She wont give me a name but she counts it as a rare occurrence. I dont thrive on tension or any kind of aggression, she says. But its an unavoidable part of the job, especially, depressingly, for a woman who chooses to speak her mind. While men might still be seen as brave and refreshing, women who speak out are still often painted as difficult or bitchy. Sarandon knows this all too well.

I think it is more annoying to have a woman with opinions for a lot of people, she says. I couldnt give you any solid proof that has hurt my chances in the business. Today in the New York Times, they were talking about the Academy awards and the fact that I was one of the people who didnt get a nomination for The Meddler, and [it] mentions that it might have something to do with the Clintonized Hollywood, when I supported Bernie Sanders.

Bernie Sanders and Susan Sarandon in April 2016. Photograph: Brian Snyder / Reuters/Reuters

Which brings us to the elephant in the room (or over the phone). Sarandon was a vocal supporter of Sanders as he ran against Clinton to become the Democratic pick for president. When he lost out on the nomination, she expressed her frustration and publicly endorsed the Green candidate Jill Stein instead, stating that she did not vote with her vagina. She had previously called Clinton more dangerous than Trump.

I have had a huge amount of backlash, she says. Theres been a really strong blame for a lot of things that are obviously not my fault.

A cursory scan of Twitter shows a stream of bile all the way from the Will & Grace star Debra Messing to the author Kurt Eichenwald. Sarandon remains defiant, unapologetic and frustrated with Democrats who suggest that shes let the party down.

Theres no valid argument, she says. Its just an easy place to put your frustrations, to blame me. I mean, if you read the list of people who voted Hillary Clinton and then I think its me and Viggo Mortensen on the other side. Youd have to be delusional to actually think that Beyonc and Jay Z and George Clooney and Julia Roberts and Meryl Streep, and the list goes on, were actually overpowered by the two of us.

But shes unperturbed, still hyper-aware of the daily failings of Trumps government. And despite resistance, shes continuing to show up at Democratic events, such as a recent anti-Trump rally in New York. Im focusing on reaching out and forming a coalition not only with all of Hillarys people but with people I know that voted for Trump, because we have serious work to do now, and we cant indulge in blaming or depression or any of those things, she says. There isnt time any more to look back. We have to look forward.

Feud begins on FX on 5 March at 10pm with a UK broadcaster yet to be confirmed