#i wont but id be kinda sad
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Lil lineup i did of my 5 favorite Saw blorbos in my artstyle! :3
#adam faulkner stanheight#amanda young#jill tuck#zepp hindle#peter strahm#this took so fucking long#if this flops im killing myself#/hj#i wont but id be kinda sad#saw#fanart#saw fanart#digital art#my art#artists on tumblr#also Strahm looking like a petulant child was fully intentional#i hope yall like this#<3
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the ship has sailed...
#but at the same time.... im kinda happy???#i know its weird but id rather the show end than the third season be incredibly disappointing#aka ruining the characters in favor of unnecessary fanservice#its happened in multiple shows before#but at the same time I WONT SEE MY BALD MAN ANYMORE😭😭😭😭#ofmd#our flag means death#sad times indeed#david jenkins#taika waititi#rhys darby#edward teach#stede bonnet#blackbonnet
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i feel somewhat responsible for this, even if i’m not the one saying these things. I’m genuinely so sorry.
No need to apologize! It's not one singular person doing it and truth be told I don't think it's a large majority that thinks that (albeit the ones that do are quite vocal). I didn't mean to upset anyone or anything when complaining about it, I was just letting off some steam.
Having a yap session under the cut sorry I feel like rambling under your ask anon.
Admittedly, I do think there are reasonings for people thinking this way. A lot of the focus with Clash has been on the cogs, especially after the 1.3 update. Which I can't say I blame them! Managers were something new and exciting and (from what I can tell) really separated them from the other servers. I don't blame them for wanting to put focus on that because that was their thing. Alongside other things, but majorly when you hear Clash the managers are mentioned in someway shape or form. But as we all know, toons ended up taking the short stick from this. This isn't helped by the gameplay itself, being mainly a fetch-quest deal so you often only talk to npcs once or twice unless if they're repeated ones and the taskline wasn't entirely accessible on the wiki for a while (shoutout to the wiki maintainers. The taskline script is a savior). Which I'm quite excited to see if they deal with this issue with the rewrite. I imagine they will, but anyways. Social media posts would often contain more managers than toons, which I also believe they're starting to fix. And ontop of this, I believe most of the team in the early era of the sever is gone, so there's been some stuff lost in the change. So yeah, dialogue/writing has been kind of rocky. AGAIN- I am completely aware of the rewrite going on and I am not judging them harshly based off of their current state. I'm very appreciative of the fact that they took the time to listen and are focusing on trying to fix it up. And then there's also fandom mischaracterization- especially of the cogs. Forgive me for mentioning mischaracterization because normally I wouldn't really care (I've mischaracterized characters before..especially in my younger years. I think it's just a process of learning an having fun and I hate to limit anyone because of it). With that being said, there's a lot of baby-fying and coddling of the managers. Especially with those who have more 'sympathetic' stories (Misty, Chip, Winston specifically). Don't get me wrong, I like these characters and I can appreciate the story they're trying to tell, but I feel like so many people will hear their dialogue and then misplace their anger. People get mad at Bessie for trying to protect HER lighthouse or at the Elders for trying to keep YOTT safe (lets not forget Winston was there to brainwash toons). Yes, yes technically there would've been better ways to do it but consider this: The toons are scared. Their homes, stores, lives are being taken over by a big corporation that has more resources that they do. They don't have the privilege of waiting, seeing, and gathering. And then people forget that the company has such a huge role in both toons and cogs lives. If you're mad over the mistreatment of Misty or the fact that Winston is still in the dungeon, your anger should be directed at the company who doesn't care. I may be completely wrong in saying this, but I feel like the stories with almost all of the managers is a reflection of the company. The toons are only trying to protect themself and their environments and yet this seems to go forgotten when people start bashing them. And of course, I'd consider myself a toon guy so me saying all this and complaining may come off as "I HATE the cogs and everyone who posts only about them!" and for clarification that's not true. You all know how much I like that little brain thing. The cogs are interesting, their designs are fun, I don't blame people for liking them because I do too. I just wish that the thought process behind so many of these discussions wasn't so cog focused because I believe that this anger at the toons for, RIGHTFULLY, defending themselves helps push this mischaracterization of them as a whole. That they're mean, boring, unlikeable while the opposite is true. Yes there are some, what I'd consider, "filler" dialogue from the shopkeepers. This is just because of the gameplay. But there are some funny and cute moments with them if people would just listen and read.
Which also brings me into another point: people skip the dialogue. I've caught myself doing this before (on my first account. I have 4 accounts total, so I reread the dialogue on like 3 of them). But people will complain about lack of toon personalities while doing this. It's like reading through a comic book, only looking at the drawings, and then complaining because there "isn't a storyline". Luckily, there's been efforts to keep track of the dialogue on the wiki but I doubt a lot of people are going through and reading the entire script. It just feels very disingenuous to criticize the dialogue when you haven't even read it. Likewise, people don't seem to read the blogposts either. This is both from a dialogue aspect and from an update aspect (people continuously asking about hammerspace/mix-and-match under unrelated posts).
#clemask#clemramble#I think I hit some sort of word limit because it wont let me add anymore so im continuing in tags#It kind of feels like people want the toon resistance to be the perfect victim and then get mad when they act accordingly#Fear. Nervousness. Sadness. Helplessness. Anger. etc etc are all valid reactions to their situation#Not every toon needs to be heroic and whimsical. they're scared. their situation is scary if you think about it#they're at the risk of losing their environment and homes.#Obviously the cogs also have their own issues but I always see this brought up when talking about them but the same context#isnt given to the toons when thinking about their characters and communities as a whole#It's kind of weird to me because I feel like even pre-rewrite I know that I can still understand them and justify their actions#and yet people act like clashes (pre rewrite) writing is justifying the cogs when in reality its not#its just showing that cog society (reflection of workplace enviroment) has its own issues. i never saw it as a justification#even with misty. like I never once hated bessie? my opinion of her never changed even after mistys dialogue#bessie did what she had to do because she was scared and wanted to protect herself and others.#id do something similar if a cog (known for taking over towns) suddenly came up to me#PLUS bessie leaves misty alone afterwards. ppl act like she took a shotgun and shot misty dead and it makes me laugh#ANYWAYS SORRY ANON. NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE.#realistically if youre not saying it then i doubt youre contributing#I would say “i wasnt mad” or anything but to be completely transparent with you guys i was Not-Happy when writing that one post#but it's not directed at any single person but rather the idea itself. I'm sure after the rewrite people will chill out#ITS NEVER THIS SERIOUS im beefing over characters named pretty princess sparkles. im aware of how silly this all sounds ok#the clash fandom isnt the only instance of this. ive seen stuff like this in sw before so like. I know this isnt an uncommon thing either#normally id just keep this on a priv or between friends but something kinda snapped yesterday#i think its bc I just KEEP seeing posts like it with those “hot take” posts or whatever and ppl are always so mean about it#i also think some ppl just already dont like toons and look for every. little. thing. to go after them for#like the “youve been drafted line” i refuse to believe people took that line 100% seriously#or maybe this is all wrong and im just a huge toon fan. and in that case i will die on this hill#you will have to pry them out of my cold dead hands before you catch me genuinely bashing them#ok thats clems giant critques and complaints out of the way
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thinking about the 3 hour cut of hometown showdown where they had deeper conversations of where they grew up but youtube fucking sucks
#*#look......hometown showdown was fun till it got to where dan grew up and he literally showed a field / a parking lot /#and then the only place he said he felt safe (the theatre)#and then it was like oh okay ..... this is kinda sad but man id have loved to hear more from both of them but no we just...wont get that#like every time i remember that dan showed that parking lot im just like....yeah yeah i get it#umm anyways idk where this is going retrhgfgfgfhg im way more articulate than this i promise#phil was like 'ok so here is where we go sledding' and then dan shows a random field like oh okay#anyways i get why dan considers manchester to be like...his Home home ya know?#someone add me to a gc so i can rant about dannie phiw pls
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UGH do i go to the pride parade tomorrow and march with the lgbt center and put myself into an uncomfortable situation where the only people i'll know are my coworkers and they'll be busy managing everything and it'll be loud and overwhelming and i have nothing to wear but also show my managers that i want to help out and participate and also it might be fun/feel good to be with the community and i usually love going to pride but one of my two friends is out of town and the other is sick with covid and usually friends are what help me navigate the overwhelmingness of it all
#my parents are telling me to go to make a good impression with the new job#but i like... would be really uncomfortable and awkward without a friend there...#im probably not gonna go#im going to a non binary burlesque/circus show on friday so im still celebrating pride?#plus i tabled at the trans march for an hour and a half yesterday#ITS FINE RIGHT#but also ill be so bored tomorrow like#kinda sad i wont be participating in any pride activities tmo#phoenix talks#i wish there was something id feel comfortable going to alone#or um i wish i had more friends lolz#maybe i’ll just walk around the celebration? just to see it? and do something lol
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#I'll put depresso talk in the tags to spare innocent bystanders#I just cannot figure out if the little cat is done for or not#like sometimes she seems better and is meowing super loud bc she wants to go out#and then other times she just seems... idk i look at her and im like is this it?#are you going to go to sleep and not wake up?#the most frustrating thing is that she was always skinny since she first wandered up to the door#and one day she'll love food and then the next she does not go near it#like treats that she would decimate one week the next she wont even look at and then the week later she will#she ate some chicken breat i cut up small today so shes not totally empty but shes def not interested#is this the normal thing she always did or is it like the same thing with my old dog#like its impossible to tell if shes just being her weird self + recovering from last week#or if its like something more serious#i looked at the paperwork the vet gave me and turns out they never did a blood test so ??????? wouldnt that be the first thing you'd do#idk man its just worse than not knowing for sure#if i knew there was no hope id be sad but its an answer#as of right now its just an unknown quantity and i dont know what to do for her#whatever shes going back to the vet tomorrow hopefully they'll at least give her some fluids since shes not drinking enough#and check her teeth and just see whats happening#Honestly after watching my Nana horrifically die in march I really dont want another death this year#especially since this cat kinda showed up not long after my nana and was a bright spot#like i wish she could just be healthy and happy
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love this podcast but sometimes they do a segment and i disagree so heavily that i need to take a breather
#sry sad boyz . but i dont think theres any game literally On this eaeth that is worth 60 dollars to me#not even kirbys epic yarn and that game is literally the modt important thing thats ever happened 2 me that game made me who i am so many#of my cherished memories are of that game if we didnt have that game me and my sibling wouldnt be this close. i would not on earth pay 60#dollars for a VIDEOGAME. THATS GROCERIES THATS LITERALLY GROCERIES.#like if yr a girlie who can afford it and you cant/dont want to pirate (why. get over yrself) like. whatever i wont tell you what t do with#yr money. but they were like there r some games id pay 200 dollars for and its like. i could get 2 tvs for that money. on facebook#marketplace. theyd be kinda sketchy but 2 whole tvs.#idk#and i do think gamedevs should have better conditions And be paid more. i contain multitudes#i think its possible to pay devs fairly without charging 70 goddamn dollars for pixels. yk..#IK IK IK GAMES R IMPACTFUL BEYOND JUDT LIKE. YK TRUST ME ME OF ALL PPL IK THIS. but 60 dollars too mucg. anything above 20 is actually#insane. if they had demos i could MABE justify like 40.#but paying 60 dollars before even knowing if you Like the game. we genuinely have gott 2 bring back demodiscs im deathly desthly srs
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also twi and z i did see that post
#also like#i wont lie it made me very happy#like id never expect anyone to be happy to interact with me or have me interact with them#or genuinely think im cool#like#idk how to word it but like trying to is literally making me tear up which is kinda sad but yeah#i don’t really get what you see in me#since im just some person that hardly does the shit they’re meant to be good at#but like it meant a lot#so thanks you guys
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#ok so like this is fine bc im not in a horrible mood rn. this is more i feel like complaining bc what im doing is kinda ridiculous#but my memory is so bad that ill probably forget if i dont write it out. but basically 4 days a week i have to come in starting at 7.30 to#water and prep for measurements. then from 9am to 6.15pm i have to nonstop take the measurements. and theyre timed so that means#i get abt 4 min to do anything before i have to take another measurement. which is abt enough time to start to focus and then have to stop#which is very fucking frustrating. and i have to manage data. coordinate for this fucking paper. and keep track of like 10 other things for#work stuff. which means that it takes me like and hour to send easy emails and they come out all fucked uo bc my brain is so shot#but on top of that i also have to fucking do the steps to get set up for my new school in the fall. and like ive officially accepted the#offer but havent talked to my new advisor since then so now theres this weird gap where im like. uh fuck do i ask for wtf im supposed to#do? bc ive been able to do things for like 2 or 3 weeks but then my life started collapsing in around me. and like there r probably#instructions somewhere but i cant fucking read lol. whatever. hes nice i just need to find the energy and words to email him and b like lol#srry everythings been insane. but bc ive waited so long i have to compulsively keep going back to check that ive been accepted like somehow#that would change while im not looking. ugh. and ive also fucked myself over housing wise bc theres a housing shortage in the city and huge#demand of housing on camus so theres a wait list for everything but i cant fucking apply bc i cant get my id to work. and fucking idk who#to call or email abt that. but idk i might have to have roomates for a semester. or my parents offered to give me some extra money for an#apartment until i can get one that doesnt put me in the red on a grad student budget. ugh. i dont wanna do either of those things#but christ do i not want roommates. ill figure something out. its just annoying and difficult from so far away#and it makes me kinda sad bc ppl r like: r u excited?! and im like. i cant really think abt that. partly bc im constanly putting out fires#in the present so theres not really space for it. partly bc i dont allow myself to b excited abt things so as not to get my hopes up.#but just after i accepted i was excited. and now it feels like im reaching my hand out toward a floating light just out of reach. like#its a nice idea but i wont believe until it happens. but that just bc ive become distorted about things#and i dont even get a weekend bc the 4 days of measurement r friday to Monday and i cant fucking relax on weekdays bc ppl r like hey can u#do this??? and there r things i can only do on weekdays so its like ok i guess ill just suffer forever thrn. and my boss texts me like: hey#did u do X? and am like: uuuuuh i fucking dont kno what day it is anymore. i dont understand y we have to meet. lets just not talk bc im#afraid ill say something worrying. so yea its pretty fucked up rn. but this stuff ends on the 24th#then ill probably not take a break and fucking finish the measurements for another project bc i just really need it to b done. i need it#all to b done so i can fucking wash my hands of this and fucking quit and move away at the start of july... or August if i decide i hate#myself that much. ugh. at least the lab has been pretty empty so no ones seen me crying lol#also thr fucking rutgers guy emailed me yesterday like: hey u want this position? and im like bitch u r like a month too late also im in#my cringe fail era. i would not survive at ur school. ugh everything is terrible. 2 or 3 more months then i csn leave this place forever#unrelated
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#why have I been on the brink of tears over the american for the last two days i lit just woke up last night and started crying……#haven’t seen him in 2 1/2 months now …honesly i rly miss him i miss him sm but idk i think this was all triggered by my friend telling me#she ran into him at uni bc he was having lunch with a friend of her’s and she said hello and he looked away etc/was very uncomfortable when#she said hi anyways and idk on one hand very infantile behavior. on the other hand proof dad the entire thing and me breaking it off DID#affect him after all? maybe not maybe it’s only uncomfortable for him bc he’s not in control of the narrative w my friends and he’s a#control freak but like. idk im very close to messaging him (i wont do that obv) but like idk. idk i miss him so much if he said sorry now#and told me he’d try and that he’s ready i…i think id take him back. which I wouldn’t have 2 months ago idk#kinda hope I’ll run into him at this thing next week… chances are that he’s gonna be very ..distanced and insincere abt what happened#between us bc he cannot handle being honest abt emotions and istg if he like ignores me like he tried to ignore my friend or sth im gonna#be shattered into 2 million pieces so there’s that idek#feeling extremely sad today idk i should eat sth and drink some water :/#me#the american
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my hands FUCKING HURTTTTT
#and my left pinky keeps lockin and it hurts so bad and idk what to dooo#i have genuinely been in constant pain for over a year now#but its not THAT bad i think its like a normal amount of pain like i think if i talked about it to my mom shed be like ok so what#and id be like nothin ig just complainin and then id go to my room and cry#i need to call the doctor i should anyways cause i NEED to be on antidepressants or SOMETHING but i genuinely cant get myself to call#and my mom wont help me so ig whenever i manage to call thats when itll happen im pretty sure im gonna die before then#im so sad and my head hurts and my heart hurts and my HANDS hurt my brain hurts and i see people in the dark and i always feel like im bein#followed n touched and i hear murmurin and random fuckin sounds that make NO sense#I HEAR EGGS BREAKIN!! some kinda fuckin fuzz?? static?? sometimes i hear people SCREAM and it wakes me up like i feel it in my ears#ive been so chill about it though#but theres people in my house and i am scared of them cause i know they want to hurt me and my mom is. makin things worse#shes tryna be nice n chill now i think cause she feels guilty about how bad she upset me but honestly that could be wishful thinkin maybe#she just doesnt care and is just in a good mood.#i been havin violent thoughts n made genuine suicide plans and im watchin myself do all this with detached concern#ill be out anywhere n see shit n be like i wonder if id die i wonder if i could die#im havin a bad time#i feel like i dont even really exist#idk what to do#i feel completely paralyzed
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#wait i knew there were talks abt moving the science center and probs abt closing but i didnt know when#last month is crazy tho😭 i didnt even get to take my cousins there yet!!#and now if it reopens dt it wont be nostalgic bc itll be a new place and setup :(#also dt is a bad fucking spot imo nobody would be able to fucking get to it by car and i dont veen think its a good tourist spot#like its not at all. thats literally a fun science place for kids imo. i went again as an adult i think id know#also the location it was at allowed for a little nature walk which is like. partially the point of that place. nature. among other things.#anyway it was pretty and cool and last time i went a big school of kids were there so i know for a fact kids were having fun#with it waaay after i outgrew it so.this is just sad :c#also my cousins wouldve liked it a lot imo bc ones just. really curious and touches everything. which the.place lets kids do.#omg she's love the kids play area sm and i havent gone back bc i am. not accompanied by a kid. but i couldve seen it again w her sobbss#and the other one is grown but like#science nerd. sort of. he likes space which they.also have#but theyre both v silly and i know itwouldve been a lot of fun aAAAAA why did i hold off so long 😭#actually i only searched it bc ripleys aquarium has a dragons/myth exhibit and like. girl what r u on abt rn#anyway ummmm aquarium kinda expensive and im not paying for 3 but alone is boring and tbh its p expensive even alone😭#like ive been there and its lovely but ummm no thank you 😗#44597
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i miss wearing menhera. i should get back into it.
#the bin#never got a chance to get many oieces cause i was a teenager when i was real into it before#i kinda ket go of it when i moved over to tumblr and had really bad experiences in the community. idk what its like now. that was years ago#i miss the amino i used to be in. it was really nice.#now that im an adult and i can buy and wear what i want tho i shoudo really get back into it#i probs wont get much into the tumblr community tho. idk whatbits like now but considering what a lot of other adjacent communities#are like for other styles ill probs mind my own business like i do with the other ones#i remember when i was trying to convince my mom to let me buy some medical themed jewelry from an etsy store and it had the tags#more menhera on it and she looked it up and came to me supwr concerned and i lied and said oh no no no im not into that style#thats just ankther style that usedbthese things but if u see here it also has tags fir these styles and those are the ones im into#and apparently she actually did believe me. i kinda assumed she didnt but i talked to her abt it more recently and apparently she did#i kinda wanna go back and read menhera chan. its a shame the creator sucks abt stuff but i do still like the character and aesthetic of it#but i wouldnt wanna give him money so id probs not buy anything not second hand. idk. the character used to really important to me#ask a very sad teenager. idk. i like menhera much more outside of that character tho.#hmm. well. add it to the list of styles i wanna grow my wardrobe for. i also miss drawing menhera art a lot. would love to get back into it
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Thinking abt the random card au again. Why must it go so crazy hard I miss it sm
#rat rambles#random card au#no matter how far I drift from my bndori and sekai peak days the random card au keeps hitting me like a truck every now and then#it just scratches an itch that I havent been able to satisfy since my cr days years and years ago#I wouldnt say the random card au has super similar worldbuilding to my old cr stuff as that was much more large scale#but it still has a similar appeal to me I think#I think its the building entirely new worldbuilding based off of designs and general vague starting concepts and bringing them all together#that gets me invested as it feels so satisfying slotting it all together and then actually getting to play out the story in this new web#I loveeeee jumbled webs of worldbuilding and characters that all tie together in a way that makes it almost impossible to completely#seperate one cast of characters from another#I love the feeling of a world with a bunch of intertwining plots like that even if it makes it near impossible to format a normal story#like my cr stuff was just so much man I still miss it sometimes even if I hate cr itself#Ive become a much better story creator too now so I know I could make what I had so much better nowadays and I already like my old stuff#it just makes me all the more sad that I went so crazy hard on worldbuilding for a franchise that sucks ass </3#it may have been two of the worst years of my life but Ill also never reach that worldbuilding high again I think#oh also it made me actually start the slow slow process of getting more ambitious with my art and doing more digital stuff#rly thats the biggest reason the random card au pains me so since I wanna post stuff for it but man do I not wanna draw anyone from it#first of all human characters so already eh but also Id have to adapt the cards theyre based on into a design I can actually draw#so as much as I wanna make a billion random card au animatics I cant even bring myself to draw them normally#you see olivia and jackie are easier to draw because I just made shit up for their designs and as such made their designs very simple#but I cant just make shit up for bndori and sekai characters they actually have designs and hair that Id have to adapt to my style it sucks#I just wanna draw doggy arisa is that so much to ask for (yes yes it is I dont wanna figure out her hood)#also rip mygo yall will probably never get in but who knows maybe one day Ill have my second bndori era and then y'all will get in#its rly just the fact that they likely wont have enough cards to properly add them for another few years#especially if that other band also gets in if that happens neither are getting enough cards until the servers shut down lol#like I Could just pick and choose but thats boring#kinda ruins the point of the au y'know?#like tbf Ive cheated in the past by reroling two and limiting my options with several sekai characters#but thats just because at the time most sekai characters had almost no usable cards for this au and the two I rerolled were also unusable#like Im sorry but I couldnt just add normal ass hagumi and masking it wasn't happening
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Anyway
#obviously id rather have a baking job. and that would be good for my resume#but i need MONEY to MOVE#and i just know for a fact this place won't pay as well as the other one#bakeries dont pay much in general#but im kinda worried its gonna be like really really low. but they'll wanna hire me bc i was recommended by their star child#and i need a job. i havent gotten a job after months of looking. so i should probably take what i can get#but i would LOVE to be compensated fairly for my work 😀 you know 😀#itll probably be slightly annoying to work with this girl but not Bad bad#idk maybe theyll surprise me and pay well ! they will Not pay as well as the other one tho#but i havent been offered that one yet#so maybe i wont get it and i won't have to worry about it#but if i do get that one. im gonna be so sad taking a stocking job bc i need the money and losing a bakery opportunity :(#but like. I NEED TO MOVE!!! so.#:////
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I just spent like a full hour talkign to myself about my tmnt iteration jesus christ
#its rly fun to talk about i feel like it had good potential but. it makes me a little sad#cuz i know me and i know I'll never get this done#which sucks. like i know how id want to post it and i know what spin-offs and what-ifs id post with it#and i feel like other people would really like it. maybe thats just the fantasy bc theres not really a popular fan iteration in the fandom#but. idk. i want to do this and i have so much i could do for it. but i cant#anyway. my lore for it is kinda good i think...?? a good talking-to-myself session has me changing a few things so#i did change a bit#but anyway. its a cute idea i think#oooo you wanna ask me about it so bad. i dont know what id spoil though so. i probably wont be able to say much#just in the hopes that i do make it some day#they arent high hopes but they're there#anyway. oddly sad for talking about the t.eenage m.utant n.inja t.urtles#my b#misty muses#vent
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