#of my cherished memories are of that game if we didnt have that game me and my sibling wouldnt be this close. i would not on earth pay 60

[nomaishuttle]

love this podcast but sometimes they do a segment and i disagree so heavily that i need to take a breather

[mikoluvsblondes]

hi love!! I was wondering if you could do Emily x dancer!reader? Like reader used to compete in competitions when they were younger. And Emily visits readers family and their mom is showing off readers old competition photos and awards and reader gets embarrassed? I really hope this made sense!!

Not That Picture!

Emily Engstler x dancer! reader

i didnt know if you meant Emily to be a friend visiting or a girlfriend so i just assumed that you meant girlfriend. hope you like it!

warnings: nothing really

You have lived away from your family for a few years, only getting to see them on holidays. Even though you missed them everyday, you were happy with where dancing had taken you: into your girlfriend, Emily's arms. You stopped dancing years ago, but still cherished the memories of your family coming to watch your performances. Finally, you were able to visit them again, with Emily by your side.

As you step out of the airport, you're met with the smiling faces of your parents'. You run over to them, quickly engulfing them in a hug. Emily follows your lead, attempting to give them awkward side hugs ,but instead your parents pull her into a warm comforting hug.

Your parents drive both of you to the home you grew up in, bombarding you two with questions, funny stories, and dad jokes the entire time.

When you get there, your dad goes to finish dinner and your mom decides that now is a perfect time to give Emily a house tour of your home. She takes her all over the house, showing off the pictures on the wall and trinkets shes collected over the years.

As your mother takes both of you to your childhood bedroom, a wave of nostalgia washes over you(like it always does), seeing that everything is still the same way it has always been. Your mom points to the medals and awards you've earned through dancing.

"How did you two meet?" your mom glances at you "She's never mentioned it." your mom turns to Emily with a smile.

Emily looks to you nervously before finding the words to answer and smiling back at your mom. "I actually met her when we were in college. She was dancing at one of my games." Emily rubs the back of her neck and you can see in her eyes that shes reliving the moment you two first made eye contact from across the court.

"...dancing huh?" your mom looks to the bookshelf with photo albums from your old dance competitions. She walks over to it and grabs it.

"Oh my god. Mom, no." you chase after her trying to swat the book out of her hands before realizing that your mother is going to do whatever it takes to show everyone her "favorite on dance moms" as she liked to call you.

"It wouldn't hurt to show them to her. She obviously likes to see you dance." your mom jokes lightly and both you and Emily's eyes widen as a pink stripe covers over face with a nervous laugh.

Emily sits on the bed next to your mom as she looks at every picture your mom shows her, nodding and smiling to every story and explanation of each picture.

"Here. This one's my favorite." your mom says, flipping the page. And that's how you knew she got to that one picture you were dreading for her to show Emily: A picture of you in a bright purple and neon yellow costume covered feathers. You rub your face with your hands in embarrassment as you prepare for Emily to see that awful monstrosity of a picture.

Though your girlfriend actually finds it quite cute to see you as a little kid in your competition pictures, she has trouble holding her laughter in when looking at this one. She puts a hand over her mouth, trying to stop the laughter that sputters out from between her fingers. You stare at your girlfriend as she repeatedly looks to you then to the picture in disbelief.

"Can you tell why this one's my favorite? Always gets a laugh ouf of someone." your mom laughs.

"You're embarrassing me." you groan.

"That's just my job." your mom shrugs.

Emily leans over to rub your arm "They were cute pictures, really."

[cheddar-baby]

So prefacing this with no one but me cares but i've got beef with the new reboot of the Cube movie

Maybe its because im canadian and i cherish the cube series for being one of the only good horror movies to come out of canada but i personally love the series i think cube, cube 2: hypercube, and cube zero (to a lesser degree) are masterpieces of dumb horror shlock. The beauty of the cube series is that you're just plopped into this giant nightmare lifeless metal box that has traps randomly placed throughout it maybe with a little puzzle for you to solve along the way. The cube is not a character its just sorta there and the movie functions as a vessel for fun trap ideas, your characters are disposable and we know very little about them. Its an ideal dumb horror movie. Cube 2: hypercube is the jason in space varient where theres just like future space magic but its the same you're just in a giant cube that just functions on its own and is just kinda there killing people for no reason.

Now my problem with the remake... They leaned so heavily into it being some sort of character drama that the cube itself was just kind of forgotten about. They seemed so invested in building these characters that they didnt want to kill any of them off. There was very little imagination in the traps it was just kind of like 3-4 picked from the original movie but with meh cgi. Super quick they found 2 seperate ways to avoid the traps entirely so from that point on there was really no traps seen. The movie became just a vessel for this singular guy to get a strange redemption arc for not managing to save his brother from killing himself because a small child just decides hes mad at him and blames him for his brothers death, immedietly tossing himself into a trapped room to get back at him. Also theres a woman they introduce at the start who you forget is in the movie because she has a single line of dialog and then from that point is barely if ever on screen who is later revealed to just be the cube and she has magic mind palace powers. But onto my reasons for disliking this change. I really feel like the original cube film is a really clever critique of capitalist beurocracy in that the cube is just this monolithic object. It is an insane massive structure that no one knows how it really got there who built it or why, it is just there, no one really controls it. Its just this immovable object that just functions totally independantly and does not feel or care. People are placed into it against their will by unseen forces and then are unceremoniously killed and disposed of. Its an endlessly moving and restructuring beast that seemingly has no end.

But the reboot takes this and gives it a face as this random quiet lady who is doing some sort of squid games game but we never learn her motives and it kind of seems like shes just oblivious to everything. She has 0 stakes in anything happening and is just there. But the cube now has rooms that beam into your brain and show cinematic recreations of your traumatic memories (just for a single guy in a room full of 3 people) onto a wall projector. Seemingly to teach you that being a child in a traumatic situation is your fault and you should repent for not being perfect. It really muddles the themes of the original to the point it feels like a saw movie thats confused about itself and what its doing. It also brings into question why have so many people in the cube if its just a vessel for a single person to get some character arc? Are the rest of them just disposable? Do their lives not matter? What is this trying to say? Its just all so strange and muddy when the base concept of the cube movies is so stripped down and simple. You literally just need people to traverse a giant cube and get senselessly killed in fun and interesting ways and there you go. Somehow this new movie managed to mess that up and it hurts me as a cube lover.

[abimee]

the yorha raids make me soooo mad because of what wasted potential they felt like. every time i think of them i think of the end of paradigms breach where 2B is like "i cherish all the memories we made" or something and it makes me go ???? because what fucking memories!! you barely talk to her!!!!! things just kinda happen and you kill robots! i doubt it was his intention, but it all kinda comes off as him hijacking a completely different game for his own worldbuilding with disregard for what hes taking over. which in that case it should have been a one-off questline instead of an entire expansions alliance raid

also, the white orb is supposed to be linking nier:a with stuff from drakengard 1, its a seed of destruction. idk anything beyond having one appear is Very Bad

man wouldnt it be cool if they elaborated on the drak1 refferences to get people to play the drakengard games in this raid instead of just slapping them in and not having the plot do anything with them. especially because if you havent played drak1 the ball just feels like a weird refference to the ball adam and eve are born out of by the machines

also youre so right i literally dont get why 2B said that. or why she even stuck around when the moment we met her she was like ''well im taking 9s and leaving'' but she doesnt actually leave she just goes and sits deeper into the cave before shes needed in the plot again. like hello? whyd you say you were leaving and then Not doing that??? 😭

i think what made me mad the most was literally this/shot pose before its obviously meant to be a 1:1 of the ''9s doesnt go on the ark'' ending (forgive me for not remembering the route end letters. im stupid) because it felt so hollow. like everything else im just sort of hamming up my hate for but this genuinely felt like i was being laughed at because That ending in nier automata came from the culmination of so much insane stuff and emotional rollercoastering and struggle that the collab throwing it in at the very end just felt cheap. like the equivalent of putting a jumpscare at the end of a really well written horror movie because the yorha collabe just didnt do anything to Deserve the same reaction the original ending got from me

[mariisauruslove]

Reasons why I feel the way i feel for you:

Reason 1: You are there for me even when I push you away.

Reason 2: You never have left me

Reason 3: You always know what to say and reply to every part of my messages.

Reason 4: You never belittle me or make me feel small or ugly

Reason 5: Youre a goofball and you always manage to make me smile and laugh so much.

Reason 6: You are ambitious and successful in your careerpath

Reason 7: You are so positive, you are the sun in my sky. You make my life brighter

Reason 8: You reassure me when im feeling insecure

Reason 9: You dont have a favorite shape but have a favorite number lol

Reason 10: You are always the highlight of my day

Reason 11: I’ve given you the worst parts of me and you treated them all with the utmost respect and love. You truly put me together and held me.

Reason 12: You love the moon as a form of weather lol and disagree that I don’t think its actually a type of weather.

Reason 13: Youre so smart, you dont rely on the words of people but you see who they are now

Reason 14: The way you maneuver your life is amazing considering everything you’ve been through

Reason 15: You motivate me to reach my goals

Reason 16: You push me to be the better person i want to be

Reason 17: You love the moonlight as much as i do

Reason 18: You dont get weirded out easily by me lmao

Reason 19: You always cheer me up when I’m in a bad mood, ex. with a joke or a video.

Reason 20: You have this spunk to you that always makes me smile

Reason 21: You will always keep me on my toes

Reason 22: You make little voices when you’re talking as someone else in your stories

Reason 23: You believe in me

Reason 24: You are so wise and have the most beautiful heart of gold

Reason 25: Your voice is the perfect pitch

Reason 26: You’ve caught me off guard, i never expected this love to grow as it had.

Reason 27: You mostly always beat me at games lol (it’s definitely rigged tho and I want a refund 😂)

Reason 28: You water me daily and make me feel so alive.

Reason 29: You cherish your friends and family

Reason 30: You have this glow of love to you that radiates for miles

Reason 31: You write down your dreams

Reason 32: You’ve trained yourself to control your dreams (also this is your favorite number)

Reason 33: You are one of the kindest souls I know

Reason 34: The hours you don’t message me feel like lifetimes of boredom.

Reason 35: I want to constantly be around you because you make me so happy

Reason 36: I absolutely love your brain, the way it thinks and strategizes. There’s so much to explore about you.

Reason 37: I love how you love green like my best friend.

Reason 38: You don’t seem to complain about your problems to anyone, you just fix them

Reason 39: You have the same music taste I do and tbh I fuck with that 😂

Reason 40: You bring music to my attention that I forgot I listened to.

Reason 41: Being around you / talking to you is like reliving my favorite childhood memories

Reason 42: You’re so familiar to me yet so not

Reason 43: At first I struggled to make conversation with you but then it became really easy to talk to you

Reason 44: You are warmth and life in my universe

Reason 45: You have impacted my life more than you can imagine

Reason 46: Every little silly thing you do makes me say “I love this man” under my breath and makes my heart feel warm 💛

Reason 47: You always post “decisions were made” when you see a misplaced item and it makes me giggle every time

Reason 48: You LOVE pineapple on pizza and i def fuck with that 😂 (hawaiian is your favorite)

Reason 49: You apparently think supreme tastes terrible, which offends me, but the fact you hate it means more for me 😂 so if we ever order pizza, I’ll probably order us hawaiian and supreme 😂

Reason 50: You support me and are there for me in ways i didnt know i needed

Reason 51: I love the way you tell stories. You dont suck at telling them like me 😂

Reason 52: I absolutely adore your sarcasm. It matches mine and the way they interact is gr8 :’)

Reason 53: I love your sense of humor.

Reason 54: You’re so selfless and kind

Reason 55: You say you have flaws, but I really don’t see them. You literally can do anything lol… well, i love your drawings but you dont but i still think you can do anything 😂

Reason 56:You’re a man of your word and don’t make promises or commitments unless you’re able to

Reason 57: You dont hate twilight 😂

Reason 58: You’re unapologetically you and stand so firm within yourself ❤️

Reason 59: You’re my rock and keep me together when im falling apart.

60: You dont judge anyone for being themselves and dont let your opinions be projected onto others

61: You are so understanding

62: You’re empathetic and compassionate towards others

63: I love how there were moments we shared where we were both having a hard time and we comforted each other, saying one day at a time, like a small hug that wrapped around us.

64: You calm me with your presence and i find comfort in your company.

65: I love how you hold yourself accountable when you know you make mistakes and try your best to make up for them.

66: I love that you dont let hard times stop you from shining. You’re my sunny leo ♌️. 🌞

67: i love how you are always so dedicated and motivated towards your goals, not just career but in your personal life too.

68: you have much in common with me. Ngl, ive questioned if it was just to agree with me but you’re more you.

69: I see my whole future with you and i cannot see it with anyone else. I know id constantly be happy because the way we interact is so loving.

70: You probably love food as much as i do lol even though i have a weird relationship with it

71: You are terrible at goodbyes just like me.

72: I love how you showed me the office, because it easily became my favorite show.

73: i love making you happy, because your laughter deserves to be heard everyday. i love your laugh.

74: you’re everything on my list of what i want in a man. Literally everything. Although, you definitely added traits to that list.

75: i love how you teach me things without degrading me.

76: I love how you’re honest with me even when it’s not something I want to hear.

77: I love how you enjoy traveling and find yourself enjoying the journey more than the destination.

78: i love how you’re independent.

79: I love how you taught me to love myself.

80: i love how you taught me to heal and set boundaries.

81: I love how you taught me to stop accepting the minimum and set standards for myself.

82: i love how although you broke my heart, you allowed me to see.

83: i love how Lovers in Japan by Coldplay is your favorite song.

84: Dude legit i found it so cool how you did math ezpz. You’re a wizard 🧙‍♂️ Dabes!

85: You’re not a perfect person but you were perfect to me.

86: i love how you love Christmas as much as i do.

87: I love how you love taylor swift. #Swiftie

88: I love how you’re outgoing and make friends wherever you go, because I be awkward at making friends lol but im working on it

89: I love how you’re always so excited to live life, every moment is yours to live.

90: I love how unselfish and caring you are.

91: I love how your brain works, the way it processes things.

92: I love how you’re overall a happy spirit and taught me to be the same way.

93: I love how there’s many depths to you, each one only revealed by you.

94: Although I wished youd open up more to me, you taught me the art of emotional independence. To stop relying so much on people when I should have the capacity to fix it.

95: I love how you enjoy running and how it connects you with your family.

96: I love that you’re a family man and will do anything for your family.

97: I love how twilight reminds you of me and it will be something that will always tie your thoughts to me.

98: I love how you inspire others to reach their goals.

99: I love that even in scary situations, such as your heart issues, you remain strong and uplifting. You stay positive and keep going.

100: I love you because you pulled me out of the darkest hole I’ve been in my whole life, where I knew I wouldn’t come back. And you did it without wanting anything in return. You declared that any human deserves this, but you poured love from your cup into mine and because of you, I’m alive. This ill never forget. You’re the bestest friend I could have ever acquired throughout my life.

[shiveertribune]

About me >:)

(this was meant to be a pinned post but i just kept going at it, ill have to make another one thats short and sweet)

started playing animal jam in like 2016 when i was 11 so i didnt know what i was doing at the time. Throughout the years i have only occasionally played classic, spending most of my time being silly on play wild. Ive taken a few long breaks over the years and tbh i expect that pattern to continue, i cant stick with something for a long period of time.

I also played fer.al! i was lucky enough to get into the first wave of beta testing back in december of 2019, and i had a blast until I could no longer play because of tech issues a few months before the game shut down completely. I was also a moderator in their official discord for awhile which was a ton of fun, but they definitely shouldve chosen someone who wasnt 15 at the time of application… Anyway I dodged a major bullet because i was not a mod during the rise of cinder and downfall of fer.al (this was due to other tech issues that caused me to be inactive, i didnt do anything bad i promise!) however my friends that did have to experience that hell deserved so much better. I miss fer.al so much and I will forever cherish the memories i made ❤️. im not active in the community now unfortunately. (discord/apple really did a number on my online social life when they made the ios app age restricted to 17+ and ive had the same restrictions that ive had on my phone for the past 5 years AND my dad forgot the passoword so i cant fix it) Anywho, my name on discord and fer.al at that time was blueberry so let me know if we talked because id love to reconnect with people!

i wish that i could play emuferal (feral emulator) but it doesnt work on my old as dirt mac (because in the tech world a decade is forever which is a whole other issue) which is the same issue i had before og fer.al ended.

[archived-past]

⏳, ❔, ❤️, ✖️, & ✨? For any kin

im gonna do uh....link?

⏳ - How long have you known about this kin?

probably a few years, possibly since we first got introduced to the games but definitely when i saw that post about link intentionally being made gnc

❔ - How did you figure out you kinned this character?

like i mentioned above, i found out link was meant to be gender neutral or at least non conforming so that anyone could relate to him regardless of gender and it made me feel not just seen but like idk i found me? it just made sense to point and say "omg like me-no iS mE!" y'know? there was more i found out about link and the more i knew the more i realized, i more than just related to him.

❤️ - What's your favorite memory from this kin?

oddly enough i dont really have much for link when it comes to mems, i have very fuzzy mems for kins, i get memories more for my irl sources than i do kins but i guess im really fond of the memory that people didnt mind that i hardly spoke? i had a voice of course, my little "HYA!" and all that (hence my hy/he/hya 1stp neos) but i didnt really talk and people just, understood me? i cherish that.

✖️ - What details about this kin, if any, are really different from canon?

things that diverge from canon...not that much really, i find it hard to say since i know less about the zelda series that i let on lol. i wish i could play the games, maybe i'd have more to say.

✨ - What did you look like?

depends on the point in time but canons pretty much got it spot on in most games, blonde elf gnc person in blue or green outfits. generic tbh

thanks for the ask ^^

[mvrxmc]

28//11//22

this is my first letter to u, a letter u may never see or know about

i have done all the things today that we have done and planned this weekend. i walked along the beach and picked up stones & shells to see who has the best ones. i never picked up any for u but i picked up enough to have my own competition. i won of course even tho i am sure u would have picked the best ones, but u aren't here to do it with me and that is ok

im sitting on some steps listening to the tide come and go, wishing u were holding my hand or having ur cheek rest on my shoulder in peace and quiet. birds are speaking their language as the tide gently flows towards my feet and my socks are getting a little bit soggy. there is a massive boat sailing in the distance under the sun's gaze and i feel a warmth wash over me as i write this letter. flies are buzzing and sitting on me as i am so still in awe at how beautiful saltcoats is and over how blissful this weekend away with u was

i am going to travel to weatherspoons once i finish this bottle and then i am taking a trip to the penny arcade to play some games. u can't be here with me and that is ok; i just miss u and hearing u say "me!" or "you!" or "yip!" to our silly conversations.

the tide is now at my feet and i am trying yo be strong but it is hard kate, i won't lie. this is what is best for u and i respect that more than any words i say or write can convey

i have found a new heaven in this place and i am eternally grateful for allowing yourself to be a part of it for my memories. i will cherish this for all my days and won't forget this wonderful weekend we had together

i thought i loved u; those thoughts are solidified by the tears that drop as i write this to myself wishing u were still beside me. it was too soon to say i love u. i would have scared u away. i don't think there is a time limit on when u fall in love with a person. it was 4 weeks of absolute joy, adoration and comfort. u were and still are a sanctuary of safety for myself and we know i couldn't have done more to keep u mine and have me as yours

i just finished bein at the arcades and it was a blast. u would have loved it. i won 418 tickets off a tenner and got josh a wee star wars toy thing which was 300 tickets. i tried looking for a young person to give the tickets to but it was full of older people so was selfish and used it for myself!

currently in an old man pub which my docs stick to the floor and the toilet doesn't even have a pan on it, just proper grim. u would have loved how cosy it is. even a wee pool table in the back. got a little half pint of tennents

i went to another pub after and it was dead but i spoke to a few random folk and had some company. the company wasnt u but it will do for now. maybe next time i can take u to these dingy pubs and have people look at us - rather than me - as we enter and sit.

"nice tattoos son, i have a few myself" and the cunt takes off his jacket to show me some classic bangers. "nice one mate, a have ma back covered anol" as the liquid courage courses through me. i done the riddy thing and rolled my t shirt up but i was gigglin away to myself cause u would have found it hysterical. ended up playin pool with the cunt and was left with 1 ball left, after the black of course, on the table. guy was a good laugh. grew up in govan of all places

it's 19:45 and am finishin up my dinner in drury before i get a train for quarter past 8. was gonna play pool by myself but i can't stop thinkin about the last time we played and u were giggling at everything and anything. i miss you laughing at absolute nonsense

i hope u took care of yourself today because i did and didnt at the same time. i had a good day but i wish u were here and it is okay that u weren't but it is always nice to have your company

i missed u today. even though we spoke over messages, i still miss u more than what i can write

u deserve the whole world & more and i wish i could give u your flowers because u deserve them

i will wait for u. please take care of yourself because i am going to ensure i take care of myself after today

[winter-kh-sideblog]

These are a lot of really good points! I do agree that there’s a lot of moments, especially as you get farther into the series, where there’s definitely some room for interpretation. I do tend to imagine/hope that kairi got to have some conversations with people offscreen. I think that there’s a lot of characters who would love her and cherish her so dearly if given the chance, they’re just pretty consistently busy with other stuff during the rare times they get to be onscreen with kairi. Which is so fair of them!! Its kingdom hearts!! A lot of happening…. it’s just like… my point that i would love live love to see kairi onscreen… there’s so much we don’t know about how she would act around other characters???? And i think that’s kind of proving my original point that like???? It would be SO cool to actualy see anything confirmed there, because we have enough knowledge to know that there’s a TON left unsaid that could play out in so many ways

And i have a lot of thoughts on melody of memory, which it sounds like you can relate to lol. And yeah!!!! Its so complicated!!!! But i think the main thing I’m passionate about is that,,,, it is definitely Something. Even if it was unintentional, there is some kind of deep complicated messy narrative going on with Kairi’s choice to go into a coma for a whole year. And i mostly just would love to see more people actually think about it!!! Kairi’s story is a lot of things but its not Boring,,, there is a LOT going on with her, which is why i wrote my little essay on why she’s interesting

And also!!! Yeah!!!! Theres a lot of little moments that, if you give benefit of the doubt, you can definitely interpret them as kairi showing tiny scraps of autonomy!!! And thats so important!!! She has so so so many cool moments to unpack!!!! And those ALSO get forgotten

This specific little essay was written to address a specific take that i was just getting very annoyed with. I see a lot (like,,, a LOT ;;;) of people say that she’s boring or not worth analyzing because there’s nothing there, and I wanted to point out how interesting even the empty spaces in her character are!!!! Like even the parts where she’s abandoned by the narrative have so much potential for character arcs and relarionship reasons,,,, there are so many potential places to take her character in game and in fanfic and everything. The main thing this was refuting was,,,, i didnt want to sound like i was attacking anyone specific bc im not, it just a very very common thene im annoyed with??? Where people in the fandom say that kairi is only there to make the story boring and cliche and that the only solution is to just write her out of kh4 entirely???? And im just baffled that anyone could think that???? Like yes i have a LOT of feelings about her treatment in the series but her character is absolutely not beyond saving, and she’s definitely not Done with her arc,,, and i think that saying “oh she should be permanently and fully benched now, that would fix her” just baffles me because i dont understand how people can miss the point that hard

So yeah this got long but!!!!! Thank you for the addition!! Kairi does do lots of cool stuff and has some cool complexity and lots of wiggle room for different interesting analysis!!!! And i wish there were more people saying this so that she could get the nuance and love she deserves by fandom!!! Like i said at the beginning, i mostly just think that she’s anything but boring and that people should put more effort into loving her because she is so fun and complicated and shes my blorbo of ever please cherish her

The thing with Kairi is, for all of the “she has no autonomy and is barely a character” jokes, she is so so interesting if you are willing to put a little bit of effort into understanding her. And this is kingdom hearts, the fandom of digging through offhand comments from games across every console imaginable to put together snippets of backstories, so like, I KNOW there’s an audience of people willing to put in effort? So here is my little essay on why Kairi has so much potential

I think a lot of people get lost because they assume that Kairi is Sora’s girlfriend? And they say “oh well the narrative doesn’t show that, the narrative is giving us more reasons they should move on than that they should stay togehter” and it’s like!!! You’re correct!!!! The narrative IS saying that!!! This is because Kairi is not, and never was Sora’s girlfriend!!!

Most people (correctly, sadly) get the “thrown to the side, no autonomy, barely a character” vibes from Kairi. But then they just go “oh she’s a one-dimentional stock Woman ™ character” and don’t think farther

i think that, a LOT of Kairi’s canon treatment makes more sense when you realize she’s not the “hot popular girl who’s a prize to be won” trope that people think she is. She’s the dead wife.

This sounds wild at first, because she 

Is a teenager

Has never been in a relationship, let alone married

Is ALIVE

So it’s like. What the heck. How could she be the dead wife. But she IS. and i think it’s impossible to unsee once you realize it.

She’s been dead from the beginning. She’s always haunting the narrative. She’s barely present and doesn’t get to make decisions, but the things that happen to her catalyze the entire plot of almost every game?

The thing is, her stock cliche ending is not, and never was “she ends up with Sora bc she’s the Prize and the symbol of Winning and they live heteronormatively ever after.” Her ending was always. She is perfect and innocent and pure. She dies. Everyone is sad and angry for a bit. They fight for justice. Then they move on. The happy ending is catalyzed by her and she gets credit, but she doesn’t do anything, she doesn’t have autonomy, and she doesn’t get to stick around for the ending. 

And this is a REPEATING motif in her life. When she was FOUR years old she was sent ahead to stop the apocalypse. She is basically dead to her homeworld. They weren’t getting her back. She lost her memories and her family and her life.

In kingdom hearts one, she dies in the apocolypse and becomes motivation and a prop for Sora and Riku. She doesn’t get to fight, she doesn’t get blood on her hands, she isn’t faced with messy decisions.

In kingdom hearts 2, she’s again kidnapped to start the plot. She doesnt get to be with sora or riku or even know what’s happening for most of the game.

And then of course in kingdom hearts 3, she’s literally killed, and it’s like. It’s not even a fight. She’s literally just slaughtered for no reason other than Sora fight motivation.

She’s the symbol of home and family to Sora. It’s not just a matter of romance, there’s not even romance between them? Not really? It’s about childhood and closeness and the promise of forever.

And the thing is. She clearly doesn’t want to be the dead wife character. I don’t think anyone would??? But it is ALL she’s good at. And that’s the problem. She’s a princess of heart, which is defined by absence. She doesn’t have darkness. She doesn’t have evil or badness or anger or malice or anything. And it’s just so?????? She’s narratively destined to die young before she has the chance to get older and get involved in anything messy or morally dubious. Her “job” is to be perfect and good enough that people miss her when she’s gone.

And then???? They don’t????? That’s the whole thing with melody of memory. They let her stay in a coma for an ENTIRE YEAR. Her friends are upset when she dies, but Sora’s the only one actually fighting to bring her back. No one else makes an effort to be with her???? It doesn’t seem like Riku makes any effort to contact her at all in the time between kh1 and kh2 when Sora’s in a coma for an entire year???? They fight and kill to wake Sora up but not Kairi anymore?????

They can't even make a kairi GAME without making her basically dead because that's her Role.

And it’s like????? What do you do when you’re the dead wife. When everyone theoretically loves you but only for what you’re not. When they love you because you’re fragile and pure and have never done anything wrong. When you’re not allowed the chance to live enough to become anything complicated, and people act like that’s for the best?

What do you do when you’ve been dead since the beginning, when everyone has already mourned you??? When they've all reached the acceptance phase and you're not sure if they want you back? They've spent too long learning to be Without you to remember how to be With you and now you're an inconvenience and a reminder of closed wounds?

What do you do when you’re alive but you never learned How to be alive, because you weren’t Supposed To survive????? What do you do when no one knows what to do with you??????

I think a lot of people who want Kairi to break free from the narrative are the ones who keep saying things like “oh she needs to move on from Sora and get better friends” but Sora is one of the only people who gets it?????? He’s been one of the only people that we see onscreen???? making any kind of attempt????? To love her like she’s alive?????? Its not much but its literally ALL shes given?????? And i dont fault her for holding onto that?????? And cherishing it????

And I do think it can be very cool to see her move on???? But i dont think people understand that,,,, if Sora and Kairi were to end up together, it wouldn’t be playing into the cliche, expected ending. Kairi LIVING is already breaking free of the tropes. Kairi being allowed to be messy and hurt and heartbroken,,,, being allowed to want things for herself,,,, being able to ask for help IN THE MOMENT instead of having people guess what she would have wanted after she’s gone,,,, being loved as a person rather than as an idea,,,,, Thats breaking free of the narrative tropes in such a profound way. And i don’t even think it matters much whether it’s romantic or as bffs or as teammates???? It’s just about being chersished as a human person and given a support system.

So yes, i do want to see Kairi make new friends and get some self confidence and move past her layers and layers of survivors guilt and make an identity for herself that doesn’t revolve around a man???? But also????? I think that its 2023 and people should stop pretending that sokai is inherently the boring or cliche expected ending when they’re LITERALLY doomed by the narrative already. Like do you guys actually not realize how subversive it would be if they were to end up together. The romance of staying alive for each other and breaking the cycle out of pure love and spite. The rebellious act of LIVING and taking up space while you're alive, of being a person instead of a concept to be idealized.

You can ship what you want and whatever sparks joy but PLEASE for the love of everything do not call sokai the boring ending. Please stop saying that letting kairi continue to exist and be alive will make the games suck or be cliche. Please.  Just like put a little bit of effort into themes and narratives i beg of you. It is so much more fun.

[vyloy]

Hajime x a male reader who was the ultimate violinist and a participant of the killing game but he forgot what happened so Hajime tries to explain or remind him of sorts? For the 100 followers event btw. Your works are so cool!

100 Followers Event

Hajime Hinata, 日向 創 x male reader

Fujoshis dni, you will be blocked

Tws: none

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"I have no idea what you're talking about, Hajime", you chuckled, thinking everything your boyfriend's saying are hoaxes, maybe he went mad, "Y/n, please listen, i need you to remember", he grabbed your shoulders to face him, "I am listening bit what you're saying is ridiculous, if all my friends died then why are they standing there right now", "That's what i'm also telling you, it was all a realistic simulation, we killed each other in crude ways, you were one of them", "jeez, stop scaring me, you might actually make me thonk i died or something", you laughed it off, removing Hajime's hands off your shoulders, "you did! At least in it, please, believe me", he begged, if it wasn't for you two being in public, he would have gotten on his knees by now, "Hajime, your joke had gone a bit far, it might be fun for you but the onger you tell me all this, the more i'm terrified", "if you think i'm making this up, why would you be terrified?", he asked you, "I get this feeling whenever you mention it, it's really not important", you shake it off before walking back to your group of friends.

Seeing you enjoy your time with your friends, warmed his heart but he cant remove that image of you that night when you had gotten brutally murdered infront of his room, he had only found your body when he suddenly woke up in the middle of the night, the image he saw will forever haunt him, he wants you to remember, to remember all those times you both went on dates in the simulation, he cherishes those memories as they were the only ones keeping him sane, you kept him sane, when you were gone, he felt empty, a piece of him broke.

When he had gotten out of the simulation, he wss ever so grateful everything was fake, he still felt emotional pain but as long as you were still alive, only, you now had no memories of what happened, that hurted him even more.

"How do i get him to remember...", Hajime ponders around, brainstorming ideas, he wishes to share those memories with you, stories you two might tell to your children, adopted or not.

"Hajime, go to sleep, it's already late", Akane said as she passed through the room Hajime was walking back and forth in, "ah did i wake you up? I apologize", "Nah, you just seem to be too worried, you should get some rest before thinking about this again", "do you have any ideas on what to do, Akane?", Hajime asks his friend for help, "hm, what about something he enjoys, something he only did in jabberwock island? Other than that, i dont know what to suggest you", she shrugged before walking back to her room, leaving Hajime with an idea.

♪♫♭♩~

The sound of the Violin playing could be heard, Hajime had gone to the building next to their sleeping quarters to play the song you had composed for him, a beautiful set of melodies, all just for him, it made him feel really special and it always will, he had practiced it in hopes to show you his skills, but you had been murdered before he could show you, now he would get to show you and in the process, hopefully get your memories back, no matter how slim the chance is, he won't back down.

"What's that beautiful noise?", you went to investigate the building to see Hajime playing the violin, "I didnt know you excelled at the violin, Hajime", Hajime looked at you, got up from his chair and walked towards you.

"Do you remember this song?", he asked, hoping you could remember, "I feel like i've played it before..Hey let me give it a try", you walked past Hajime to the violin and started playing the strings

♪♫' ♭♩ ♪♪♫♭♩~♭♫♩~

Hajime watched in amazement, you had remembered the song, does that mean...

As you finished the song, you burst into tears and throw yourself at Hajime, pulling him into a tight hug, "I remember now, everything we did together, i'm so sorry", you cried, finally remembering everything, " no worries, i'm glad you're back now, Y/N", he said lovingly.

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Finally finished, i'm so sleep depriveddd, i'll do reqs after a few weeks since exams...

Taglist: @secretivemessenger @ohdearalatus

[elfdyke]

wow thanks! that was a really in depth post about it you make good points! when I played I definitely got the sense that monika had encouraged sayori to kill herself and I didn’t get the sense of any remorse when natsuki or yuri died or got fucked up but I guess u do make some good points there about how she was just trying to make them less desirable rather than kill them. I’m new to the game and the fandom so im not super familiar with everything yet but is there anything in the canon or lore that points away from monika having pushed sayori to commit suicide or is it mostly just fan theories and personal readings? either way thank u so much for answering!

yes i can absolutely find you some info on that!

there's quite a bit of information hidden within the games files, so I'm kind of assuming if you're new to the game, that you might not have seen these things? so ill dive into them too!

I'm gona do this under the cut so i can like, dissect things from the game !

(also i found stuff thats specifically pointing away from her meaning actual harm/death for Both yuri and sayori, jsyk)

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.txt (discovered in game files during act 2)

“All I want is for you to hate them. Why is that so hard.”

not, all i want for them is to die. she doesnt want to kill them. she wants to separate us from them so we are with Her, not them. things spiral out of control, but it was never her intention for things to get this bad. ntm its repeated over and over in this game how badly monika wants to die. she's hanging on by a thread, keeping on only because she wants to be with us, to be in contact with reality. this leads to really unfortunate circumstances but i really strongly believe everything in the text alludes to the fact she did Not want things to get this bad

ACT 3 INTRO:

(im copy pasting a transcript of the monologue here, but this is taken from the very beginning of act 3, which you can see in this video starting at 25:56)

imo this is all the proof needed to show that she really had no intention of ‘killing’ sayori and yuri. things spiraled out of control far beyond what she was capable of handling. 

her goals with making sayori more depressed and yuri more obsessive were, in here words “to just try to make them as unlikable as possible”. she didnt want her friends to brutally die!! she loved them q_q i feel like a lot of people really dont look at this specific part of what she says and take it to heart. its very telling for her character and important for understanding what she does and why she does it

ACT 3 MONOLOGUES:

sayori's hanging (cw: graphic descriptions of suicide)

dialogue of importance:

"I was thinking about Sayori earlier... I still wish I could have handled that whole thing a little more tactfully."

+

"Come to think of it, it was probably less 'changing her mind' and more just her survival instincts kicking in." "So you can't really fault her for that." "It's easier to think that she probably wouldn't have changed her mind anyway, right?" "It's not healthy to think about the things you could have done differently." "So just remember that even though you could have saved her, it's technically not your fault she killed herself." "I may have exacerbated it a little bit, but Sayori was already mentally ill." "Still, though..." "I wonder how things would be if you and I just started dating from the get-go?" "I guess we'd all still be in the clubroom, writing poems and having fun together." "But what's the point when none of it is even real?" "I mean, it's the same ending either way, right?"

ok so whats important here, is monika is essentially using us, the player, as a mirror in act 3? the things she says i believe, very strongly show her sense of uncertainty in her actions, and her fears of what if she could have done something else??

"even though you could have saved her, its technically not your fault she killed herself" reads SO much to me like shes trying to comfort herself with this, she doesnt want it to be her fault. nothings real, sayori's a character in a game. but she wishes so badly they could have just been normal girls living together.

happy end poem

OK SO LIKE. this is actual proof of Why she does everything she does. she's scared if she reaches out and tells us she's trapped in a game, we'll stop playing, we'll kill her. she tinkers with the game, trying to make herself look the best, trying to make us choose her, and nothing works. and this leads to her becoming frustrated and scared, and screwing with the game more and more desperately trying to do anything to save herself.

if you recall, in act 2, she gives you a poem which bluescreen the computer. this was actually an attempt she makes to escape the game q_q she never wanted to kill yuri, she never wanted things to escalate like that. she wanted to get out but she had no idea how to program her way out of the game, resulting in everything crumbling around her, and her friends dying.

my own route

hang on this one genuinely makes me so upset.

it very much relates back to how in the conversation about sayori's suicide, she's still clearly thinking about how things could be Different. shes thinking about how they could be normal. "I may not have needed to take such drastic measures to be with you. Maybe the rest of the club would still be around..." , and then immediately trying to convince herself it doesnt matter, and that she doesnt care.

its so so obvious shes hurting and she misses her friends. the additional "i really dont (miss them)" at the end really shows that shes desperately trying to convince herself that it was worth it, that she did everything she should have, and her friends dont matter. but they clearly do matter to her. she loved them (she couldnt even delete them if u recall)

also another important part about this monologue, a lot of people say she killed the other girls out of jealousy, but this shows thats not true??

"I think I would end up forcing you onto my route anyway." "It has less to do with me not having a route, and more to do with me knowing that nothing is real."

this wasnt because shes 'in love' with us. she wanted to be close to something real, something tangible. she's clinging onto us, the player character, like someone lost at sea with a piece of driftwood, doing everything she can to stay afloat

wine

ok this isnt on the surface level as important as the other ones, but literally look at how she talks about this memory.. she misses them so much and talking about this memory she clearly cherishes brings her so much joy. she doesnt belittle any of them, she doesnt talk down on them, she’s just reliving this memory because it makes her happy 

I HOPE THIS HELPS?? im sure theres a few more things im forgetting, but i did my best to scrabble up everything i could to show how monika’s not an evil mastermind, shes a scared girl who didnt realize what she was doing and when things got too bad, she did her best to fix it, only for it to get worse n worse

edit: oh heres the proof that monika always loved the girls and never actually deleted them

:’)

edit 2: haha.. um ouch

“It’s not right for me to miss things that weren’t even real in the first place.” shes forcing herself to try and ignore her feelings for the other girls

[arhvste]

KUROO TETSURO - 3:37AM

summary - you and kuroo play hide and seek in the early hours of morning after the hot nights of mid august prevent you both from falling asleep - fluff

this was actually a prompt written by @emma_ichihara on tiktok that i absolutely needed to write about after i saw it so thank u for that queen <3

warnings - none

-

The heat in your bedroom was unbearable. Then again, you couldn’t say you didn’t expect it to be as mid august is always going to be a pain to sleep through.

You tossed about in your sheets flailing your arms and legs about trying to get some sort of breeze across your limbs only to flop down in frustration. Grabbing your phone from the side of your bed you checked the time. 2:27AM.

Your eyes squinted at the brightness of the screen and you put your phone back down only to hear it vibrate on the surface as soon as you let go of the device. Assuming it was going to be a random notification from one of your apps you almost decided to ignore it but something told you to check regardless.

Your eyes once again squinting as they adjusted to the luminous light emitting from your phone contrasting against the darkness of your room. Your heart fluttered as you read through the notification.

2:28AM - tetsoup : i know ur up right now

You unlocked your phone as you typed out your reply. A conversation flowing between the two of you.

2:28AM - thot chan : okay u got me sue me for not being able to handle the heat

2:29AM - tetsoup : would’ve thought after being around me so much you’d be able to handle the hot ;)

2:29AM - thot chan : ur a chemistry nerd u aren't hot

2:29AM - tetsoup : fail ur next chemistry exam for all i care dont ask me for help :(

2:30AM - thot chan : you wound me captain

2:30AM - thot chan : and what are u doing up right now?

2:31AM - tetsoup : same as u genius, this heat is making my body perspire more than what i’d like

2:31AM - thot chan : lmao that means u finna be smelly. go take a cold shower u farm animal

2:31AM - tetsoup : at 2am? i don't think so u imbecile, i have a better solution though

2:32AM - thot chan : and that is?

You stared at your phone expecting a reply quickly but after 5 minutes it never came.

‘Idiot must’ve fallen asleep’

You hummed as you set your phone back down and allowed your head to hit back against the soft pillows on your bed. The heat was still bothering you so it didn’t look like you were going to be getting much sleep, regardless you still tried by closing your eyes and trying to force your brain into drifting off into a peaceful slumber.

Not even 4 minutes into your attempt at forced sleep you heard your phone vibrate softly against the wood of your bedside table. Snatching it up towards your face you stared at the notification in disbelief.

2:43AM - tetsoup : im outside ur house hurry up the bugs are eating me alive

This boy.

Swinging your legs off the hurricane of sheets, pillows and your comforter, you dragged yourself over to the window to peek through your blinds. There stood your tall boyfriend with a big hoodie and sweatpants on, signature bedhead with his hands in his pockets patiently waiting for your arrival.

You smiled slightly. He really had your whole heart and you couldn’t deny that even if you tried.

Grabbing one of his hoodies you had ‘borrowed’ you threw on your shoes and quietly made your way to the front door carefully not wanting to disturb your parents and have them question your activities.

“Finally, my body was about to start decomposing from all the bugs attacking me from just standing here.”

“Sounds like a you problem.”

Kuroo pulled your smaller frame into his significantly larger one as you inhaled the scent of his hoodie. He buried his head into the crook of your neck as he gave it a soft kiss before looking back down at you.

“Come on let's go.”

You hummed in curiosity but allowed the boy to take your smaller hand into his larger calloused one and lead the way to the unknown destination.

It wasn’t rare for you and Kuroo to meet up during the night. Sure you spent a lot of time together most days but there was something about being the only ones out in such public places that made you both feel as if you were the only ones in the world. This feeling never got old to the pair of you as everytime the two of you met up in the earliest hours of morning you would find yourselves falling in love all over again with each other. These hours were the ones you held close to your evergrowing heart.

After 5 minutes of walking through the peaceful streets in your neighbourhood, Kuroo led you to the playground the two of you and Kenma would find yourselves occupied most days after school back when you were all younger. The place was such a public and overlooked one, but you all still cherished the memories created there and would sometimes find yourselves reminiscing on those times whenever you’d come back.

You let go of your boyfriend’s hand as you climbed onto the climbing structure which years ago would’ve proven to be more of a challenge for you to reach the top too. The platform a lot smaller than it used to be, you grabbed the railing and allowed a gentle breeze to run through the locks of your hair.

Kuroo looked up at you, adoration twinkling in his eyes. To him you were everything. He had known you ever since he first moved into the neighbourhood with his dad and grandparents. He used to find talking to others a struggle and found Kenma particularly hard to communicate with. You however, took the opportunity to get both boys to open up more to each other right by the reigns and within your first 6 months of being acquainted with each other, you had managed to get both boys comfortable enough to call you and each other a friend in confidence. For that, Kuroo was eternally grateful and even more so when you accepted his romantic feelings towards you 3 years ago.

“Let’s play hide and seek, you know, like we used to.”

You turned smiling to the beheaded captain. He gave you his signature smirk and turned around.

“You’ve got 30 seconds, be prepared to lose immediately.”

You laughed as he began to count up to 30, crouching behind a slide that you thought covered yourself from his view. It actually took Kuroo 54 seconds to find you and you turned the childish game into a small competition between the two of you, tallying up who could find the other the fastest each time.

It got to your 13th round and this time you were hiding inside the slide. Kuroo had yet to find you and it had been 8 minutes already. This confused you slightly as the usually perceptive boy would’ve found you by now. You climbed out of the slide and onto the platform as you glanced around your surroundings seeing no signs of him.

You raised your eyebrow as you knew the boy surely must be messing with you. He would never actually abandon you especially without letting you know.

Cupping your hands to both sides of your mouth you let yourself lean towards the railing of the climbing structure.

“Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo!”

You called out while continuing to scan the area in your view.

What you weren’t expecting was for strong arms to find their way around your waist as you felt someone's hot breath against the skin on your neck.

“I’m right here, my beautiful Juliet.”

You gasped as Kuroo kissed your neck before spinning you around to look at you directly. One of his hands supporting your back and the other moving a piece of loose hair away from your face, he stared into your eyes which twinkled under the stars. You smiled widely at him as he admired your gorgeous face.

He allowed his hand to trail down your neck until he moved his fingers to weave through your hair delicately. Moving his head down, he softly kissed your lips as you melted into his touch. Your hands moved to his broad shoulders as he deepened the kiss making you sigh in satisfaction. You hummed as he drew small circles on your back with his long fingers let your own hands move towards his untamable hair and rake through it resulting in a hum of approval from him.

You both pulled away as you studied each other's expressions. In that moment Kuroo had fallen for you even deeper if that was possible. Every fibre in his being adored you and it took so much self control to not just tackle you off the structure and cuddle you forever. You were his soulmate he was sure of that. The idea of love had never crossed Kuroo’s mind until middle school when you had both grown up a little bit more. He was focused on volleyball and keeping up his grades but you were always at the back of his mind driving him crazy to the point where he felt he had no other choice than to explore these foreign feelings for you. He would argue that by confessing to you, he had made the best decision in his life. You brought nothing but pure light into his life he was convinced you were some sort of guardian angel. You couldn’t be real. You were a living goddess and there were times when he’d feel like you were too good to be true.

The feelings were mutual on your side too. Kuroo Tetsuro had been a challenge for you to get to open up but when he did he didnt hold back on subconsciously taking your heart and occupying your thoughts on the daily. The two of you held such a deep and indescribable love for each other sometimes you felt like it was too hard to contain.

Brought back to reality by your hand caressing his cheek Kuroo turned to you and smiled so genuinely.

“Y/N, I am so so in love with you.”

“I know Tetsu. I love you too. So much.”

You pecked his cheek as he guided you off the climbing structure and onto the soft grass surrounding the playground.

You both laid there in a comfortable silence as you allowed the sounds of distant cars passing through the busy city of tokyo, and the soft sounds of crickets chirping as you cuddled up to Kuroo’s chest.

He wrapped his muscular arms around you and pulled you close to him whispering “I love you” over and over again quietly enough for only you to hear.

The early morning had reached 3AM and you both knew you’d have to make your way back to your homes soon but right now nothing else mattered.

The only thing on your minds was the fact you were both stupidly in love with each other and you would continue to allow yourselves to fall in love over and over again as you stared at the stars whispering small professions of love to one another for the remaining time you spent outside.

Kuroo Tetsuro, a perceptive boy who hadn’t considered love until you came into his life, had never felt such raw emotion in his life and it was these early hour moments which he would hold close to his heart for the rest of his life which he had planned to go through with you by his side.

[oligbia]

Hi :)

My pronouns are she/her and I’m 19, I’m a INTJ-A, 3w5 and I’m a Capricorn with a Leo rising & cancer moon. I prefer a male partner but wouldn’t object to a female.

I’m quite drawn to the heart envelope.

My hobbies include: gaming (pc, switch & ps4), roller skating, writing, cheerleading (stunt, flyer), general fitness, I like to bake (& also cook), I ride my bike daily & go on walks/ hikes most days. I’m an acting student and do a bit of professional movie work, and I like trying out new sports at university (I’m trying volleyball & football (soccer??? Idk if you’re American))

Books/ movies wise I love romance, action, fantasy/sci-fi. I read/ write a lot of fanfic & prefer series to movies, but will watch/ read whatever genre if it’s good. Oo & on the topic of fanfic: not a fan of the “I’ll change them” trope, but defo vibe with the corruption trope.

I’m very extroverted once you place me in a social situation but it’s sort of difficult to make me go in the first place.

Ideal first date: either like... a roller disco? Or maybe a beach day but the kind where you actually go swimming and just DO SOMETHING, though I’m not against stuff like cinemas and restaurants, and do enjoy them. I’d much prefer to go and do something fun.

Anyway, yeah thanks if you do respond, if not that’s chill. :)

(I want to apologize for taking so long. I swear i didnt mean to, i was hell burnt out on these but i think im good now)

Thank you so much for the ask! Your match up is. . . .

Rumi Usagiyama

her sign: Pisces! Pisceses are my favorite sign (I'm also a Capricorn). They make for very passionate lovers, very engaged and invested in a relationship. They are hopeless romantics and are very good at making their partner feel loved, and, cherished, and appreciated.

her personality type: ESTP! She's going to live spontaneously and live life to its fullest. She's super out there, ready to have a good time, and excited to get going on making memories. Every day you love her is a new adventure.

A small drabble for you:

A beach date sounded good as a concept, but here you are now, absolutely flustered. Rumi was no doubt beautiful, and you were unable to look away from her beauty. The way her swimsuit hugged her curves and exposed her toned legs left you absolutely red.

She held your had, swinging them as she lead you to a small picnic she has set up.

"If you want, doll, we can eat then go for a swim."

You nodded, Rumi noticing your blushing face. She poke your cheek and pulled you into her side.

"Your blushing, cutie. You're adorable, you know that?"

[babyloniastreasure]

right so i just got done crying on and off for the first three hours of my day and i think i deserve a bit of unloading into the internet about it

dont mind me i just,,,dont have a support system anymore lol and i need some kind of fuckin release. feel free to ignore

so the last week in particular has been extremely rough and today I almost asked to go to the hospital in the hopes of like, idk. getting some sort of help. I have never been this depressed or hopeless before in my life and I’ve never had so much nothing as I do now. I lost all of my friends and my only support. I don’t have anything to look forward to. I look at my projects and my art and I can’t stand them because everything has memories attached to people who hate me and want nothing to do with me. People who have ignored me for five fucking weeks after telling me “We want to fix this.”

i’m hardly sleeping. im constantly exhausted. im physically nauseous because i cant eat from the stress and anxiety, granted i remember to eat at all or have the energy to get up to get anything in the first place. emotionally im an absolute wreck. I can’t focus. nothing is enjoyable. there’s nothing TO enjoy, because everything i had before was everything they took away. I’ve been left in the dust after they told me they still cared. so clearly that was a lie. if they cared they wouldnt have left at the drop of a hat like that

Even my family has noticed that i’m not okay and they’re starting to ask questions. i feel bad every time i brush them off but I cant let them know how bad things really are. i cant tell them that every hour i have to fight the urge to hurt myself again. that every time i have a second of free thought i think, hey, wouldn’t it be so satisfying to make yourself bleed again? and yes! it would be satisfying! but that’s not a pit i want to fall into again. it had me for years and it took even more years to break. and even though I have the awareness to not go through with it and can recognize it’s not actually going to help in the long run, it’s so exhausting when that’s my first go-to solution. And like yeah I usually have those thoughts anyway but I’ve had such a great system of friends and people I love who love me also that it was easier to get past. There were people there for me  who cared and because I knew they cared I could get through the rough patches. But now I don’t have those people. I don’t have any support. There’s nobody who cares about me. So then my loneliness gets to me and i get even more depressed and anxious and I keep spiraling, and those thoughts get worse and harder to fight off. it was those thoughts of intense “lets hurt ourselves really badly :D” that made me want to go to the hospital. I literally had the thought of “If I go to the hospital and they say I’m not severe enough to be admitted, I’ll just grab a pen and stab my leg to prove to them I need help.” Which is neither good nor healthy, but it would be so easy

instead i ended up crying for three hours and started thinking the circumstances that lead me here

and like. i will admit, and i have admitted dozens of times, hundreds of times to myself, that I made a mistake. I know that. I told them that. That was the first fucking thing I said. all i can think about is that singular, one, individual, tiny little blunder. and how despite me acknowledging it and coming clean with it and trying to talk about it, it was blown up and out of proportion and thrown in my face. they took my misstep and every single one of them twisted it and manipulated it into something far from the truth, something that painted me as a terrible person, as a secret asshole, as a huge toxic influence, as a deceitful and unappreciative person. They all threw out everything about our friendship in favor of ignoring what I’d said and assuming something far from the truth, the truth I laid out for them no less.

and then when i asked if i could clarify and communicate, they told me no. then blamed me for not communicating!!

thats all i ever tried to do! was communicate

From day one the group said hey if there’s a problem, be open with it and we’ll talk about it. we communicate to solve problems because we’re all friends and cherish each other.

what a load of shit.

i tried to communicate. I laid out my problem and then everybody else got involved, said I wasn’t allowed to talk about that with them, then they called me back like some kind of court and judge and jury and told me because I didn’t communicate, I was being kicked out. That’s not fair. I wasn’t treated fairly. I wasn’t even allowed to clarify whatever the hell they thought. They straight up told me no, you can’t talk about this with us. That’s not communication. That’s hypocritically shutting me down.

“Communicate with us Jask!”

“Okay I will send communication”

“Op! You’re not allowed :) We agreed you can’t talk to us :) You’re being kicked out :) Oh But Don’t Feel Unwelcome We Want To Fix This.” Then they all fuckin. moved into a space without me in it. That’s not welcoming. That’s exclusionary. That’s not communicating either. I’ve been handed a double standard that I can’t do anything about because I’m not allowed to even say hello to these people

How does anyone expect things to get better if I’m not being given the chance I was promised? its been. five. weeks. I’m ? so fucking tired and sad and alone, waiting every fucking day in the hopes that someone is going to actually talk to me again. then I finally pass out in near tears at 3am because another day has passed with none of them caring enough to even ask if im okay

and like. i desperately want to talk to them. i dont know what id say but. i dont know. i dont know. im not allowed to, for one. they made that crystal fucking clear. but again what would i even say?

do i say im sorry? i apologized dozens of times and it never made a difference, they ignored my apologies from the start and im certain they ignored the ones at the end too. and im terrified of saying sorry to the only person who really matters in this situation because im certain she’s going to cut me off if i even breathe in her direction

do I say that i miss them? what’s that going to do? it feels manipulative to say that. like hey pity me into talking to me again? i cant do that. im sure none of them miss me anyway so why would i put myself on the spot like that

do i admit im afraid to talk to them? again that also feels, bad, because the last time i admitted a feeling it drove them all away in an instant. and like also that feels like im backing them into a corner where they have to respond. and i dont want to force that. so it feels like talking is making the same mistake that made them kick me out. and like. what if...talking really does make it worse? what if talking is what ruins it even though talking is what they told me they want?

again there’s the double standard. be honest and communicate, but if you’re honest and communicate you’re rejected outright and made into the bad guy.

at this point its been so long

and i’ve deteriorated so much

i dont know if like. i just. i dont know...if more deterioration, if more waiting, and more dashed hope is worth it ?

i dont even know if they still want to repair things. what if they dont? what if they never did? what if they lied? what if they sit in their little group and talk poorly about me? what if they made bets about how long it’ll take me to leave or unfriend them like my isolation was some sort of game? what if they think i hate them? what if they really DO hate me? what if they moved on and want to forget about me? what if they regret knowing me at all? what if they wish they never knew me? what if they’re happy without me? what if 

oh boy i started crying again

what if this entire month of waiting and crying and wishing and grieving and hoping and loneliness was a waste of time? what if this was all for nothing? what if i never get to talk to them again? i. man. i just. i really really really miss everyone. i miss them so much. i miss them so fucking much. i dont know what to do. I m. fuck. im miserable. i wish i hadn’t said anything i wish i had kept my mouth shut i wish i never tried i wish i never did any of that i wish i had my friends i wish i could go back i wish i could talk to them

if i didnt say anything at least i’d be happy and id have everything and i would have my best friends in the whole world and id, fuck man thats really it, id be happy. im  so fucking awul

im so. i. i cant see the scvreen i need to go wash up and stop

[chlodani]

This is the sequel to my first Zuko X F! Reader pairing smau.

Trigger Warning: Mentions of car accident. Revenge. Also mature. If you are sensitive to that kind of thing, you're warned ahead of time. Read at your own risk. . .

After the car accident and problems she had with her friends, Y/n, gets to experience what it's like to be a mother and have a family of her own. And finally live of life she's always wanted, but is it really all fun and games?

Beginning Special Edition Part 9. . .

Chloe's P.O.V.

I took in a deep breath as stood with my friends in the room I was getting ready for my wedding in.

"Dont worry Y/n, you look stunningly beautiful," Suki said to me encouragingly.

"And Zuko's gonna think so to," Sapphire told me as she finished up with my hair.

I wanted my hair down, but the girls thought I should at least have it styled in some form. So, this is what I did:

I turned to face them.

"Its not that, - it's just - I cant believe that today is - my wedding day - And after everything I've been through with Zuko, I never thought it would be him," I said to them.

I could feel my heart racing faster than it should.

"You know if I'm being honest, I always knew you and Zuko would end up together," Toph said to me.

"You did?" I asked her a slight bit confused.

"Yeah, I mean it was always so obvious that you and Zuko were in love - I honestly think the only people that couldn't see I were you two. I'm blind and I could just tell in own you both acted," she explained to me.

I sighed softly with a smile. In times like this, I'm glad I have friends like them.

"Now, - Are you ready to go make Zuko your forever man?" Suki asked me with a smile.

I took in another breath before I looked at her.

"I think so," I replied nervously.

🔥 🔥 🔥

I stood by my father, Treyton Octavius Jones, ready for him to give me away to Zuko. At least I think I'm ready.

"Well, baby girl are you ready?" he asked me.

"Yeah, I think so," I answered nervously.

"Good, - Because I'm not," he stated.

I chuckled softly.

"Wow, leave it to you dad to make me even more nervous on my wedding day,"

"I'm sorry sweetheart, - I'm just - I dont think I'm ready to give you away yet,"

"Well, you kind of have to,"

"Dont remind me,"

I just continued to smile. I sighed as Dad put his hand over mine, which rested on his inner arm. He started to walk me out of the room. Walking me outside to the aisle, everyone turned around to look at us. I could feel myself starting to shake a little as I looked towards Zuko. I couldn't believe this was really happening. I confidently walked with my dad down the aisle - to Zuko. As I stood before him, all Zuko could do was smile at me. My dad stood in front of me placing a gentle kiss to my cheek, before placing my hands in Zuko's. He looked directly into Zuko's eyes.

"You better make sure you take care of my baby girl," he told Zuko sternly.

"Of course sir, - your daughter will be safe with me," Zuko said to him.

"She better be,"

My dad's voice sounded threatening.

"Dad!"

He smiled before kissing my forehead and going to his seat. Iroh cleared his throat.

"Well, - good evening everyone - I am so glad all of you could make it to see my nephew and his true love get married. - Uh, - As you can I kind of ill prepared for today - When my nephew came to be and asked me if I would marry him and Y/n, I was deeply honored, but I was also terrified. - I've never done anything like this before and I honestly didnt know what to say, but my nephew, and his beautiful fiance encouraged me, - And gave me much confidence - I believe as you know we are gathered here today to witness these two become one by promising themselves to each other for the rest of their lives - And I believe as Y/n has said, you two have written your own vows? -"

"Yes, we have," I stated.

"I am surprised you were able to get my nephew to agree to this - I am assuming Y/n is going first?"

"You assume correct," I told him.

"You may begin, -"

I took in a soft breath before looking at Zuko.

"Zuko, - You and I, have been through hell together, ever since we were kids. We've fought together, we've lost together, we've won together, we've made a family together - Honestly if it wasn't for them, you and I probably wouldn't even be doing this right now. And I know love brings people together - And I truly believe it was the love our friends had for us being together that brought us here. You are literally the best thing that has ever happened to me and I couldn't - I wouldn't ask for anyone better. I promise you, that I will spend everyday loving you, being there for you, whenever your sick, or just depressed I'll be there. I will never leave your side, from this day forward, we're partners for life and I wouldn't have it any other way,"

Zuko looked like he had tears in his eyes. He closed his eyes for a split second taking in a deep breath. Upon opening his eyes he looked directly into mine.

"Y/n, everything we've been through together, has taught me something very important. Its taught me to cherish the people I have in my life and to speak out my true feelings, because if not it'll be too late." I almost lost you in that car accident and I didnt know what to do with myself. I was angry with myself, because I blamed me for what happened to you. I was afraid our friends blamed me to. But I later found out I was wrong about that. I didnt want to imagine my life without you. Everyday I spent at that hospital, was a day I hoped you would get better, so I could tell you I love you and how sorry I really was. But then you woke up and you didn't remember me. I thought my life was over. I didnt want to go on knowing the woman I loved had no idea who I was and couldn't love me back. The day your memory returned, that was the happiest day of my life. And that's because you finally remembered me. You remembered how you felt about me, but I was also afraid you were p*ssed at me. To know you weren't, made my heart skip. I knew that day was the day I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. There was no question to it after that. - Y/n, I promise from this day forward I will spend everyday showing you how much I love you and our baby. I will take care of you when your sick, and I'll take care of the baby when they're sick. I promise myself to you for the rest our lives. Nothing and no one will ever change my mind. From this day forward you're my partner for life and I wouldn't want it to be anyone else,"

Zuko put his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. Iroh sniffed wiping tears from his eyes.

"I told my nephew I wouldn't be able to get through this without crying. I was hoping I was wrong, but naturally I'm never wrong about stuff like that -"

A soft chuckle left everyone.

"Fire Lord Zuko, do you take Y/n, Y/m/n, Y/l/n, to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to love her for all eternity? Take care of her in sickness and in health? And be with her until death do you part?"

Zuko looked directly into my eyes. He took my hand, locking our fingers together. I couldn't stop the smile that formed on my lips.

"I do," Zuko spoke softly.

My heart raced even faster.

"And Y/n, do you take Zuko to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to love him for all eternity? Take care of him in sickness and in health? And be with him until death do you part?"

I looked directly into Zuko's eyes.

"I do," I spoke.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife - you may now -"

I could hear the tears behind Iroh's voice.

"You may now kiss the bride,"

Iroh let the tears fall as Zuko held me closer. He leaned his forehead on mine.

"I love you Zuko,"

"I love you too Y/n,"

Zuko connected our lips. Everyone around us started to clap. Honestly all I could hear was Iroh crying. It's so hard not to love that man.

Taglist:

@cece-lives-here

@sokkas--boomerang

@la-lay

@cuddlykoala101

@zukochi

@mochminnie

@theblueslytherin

@coldlilheart

@coconutsaiyan

@rosestyles69

@juniperwoodwell

@crazylokonugget

@fanficflaneuse

@dailytrashypanda

@pillowpandas5

If you want to be apart of the taglist message me or reply. I'd be happy to add you

[tonysiron]

The ocean waves rippled, kissing the sand as she drew back and forth in the tide. The salt licked the wooden legs of his chair and the exposed toes of his feet. Occasionally, the ends of his grey sweat pants caught the splashes of the ocean's personal game, the rocking back and forth in between the two figures sat on her beach, and the pull of the sun on the horizon.

"Go Fish." He said into the paw of his hand, staring down at his own cards. Each one had a different cartoon fish, all labeled with both the scientific and normal names of the individual species. It was silly, but he and Morgan used these cards all the time when they played together, and Natasha didn't seem to mind. She smiled, actually.

Nat reached forward, took a card, and then leaned back as she looked at him gently, chewing her peanut butter and jelly sandwhich.

"Do you... have any 6s?" Tony asked. Just as Natasha swallowed and opened her mouth to respond, her gaze shifted over his shoulder. Her eyes softened more, and she closed her mouth, smiling gently.

"Why don't you ask him?"

Tony frowned just slightly, before tensing and turning in his chair, the weight of his movements creaking the wood and sinking it further into the muddy, ocean kissed sand.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Oh, so that's the greeting I get?" Steve asked, walking over from where the ocean crashed into the back of his calves, soaking his sweat pants. He walked gracefully out of the sea, approaching the two and their table of Go Fish, all while Tony stood up and rushed over.

"No, seriously, what the hell? Nat and I have only been here for a week! You cant-What did you do?" He asked, genuine concern lacing through his voice. Hysteria began to roll up his throat as his mind began to play out all the possible options of what Steve could have done.

"I lived. I got that life you told me to get." Steve said softly, pausing just a few short inches in front of Tony, looking down at him gently.

Tony's face screwed up in confusion, concern falling away. "What, in a week?" He questioned.

"No," Steve said softly. "Just 5 seconds."

It took a few moments for that to sink in, and Tony choked up before jerking him forward, holding him tightly.

"How was it?" He asked into Steve's chest.

The waves crashed at their feet, and Tony would have usually stumbled, but Steve kept them steady as he held the smaller man close to him. Tony looked younger, like the weight of the world had never settled on his shoulders, or buried deep in the bags of his eyes. His frown lines had disappeared, and his hair was curly and thick on his head, the darkest brown it had ever been. Steve loved it.

"It was beautiful." He mumbled, and then buried himself deeper in Tony's presence.

"But I missed you. Throughout all of it. I missed you so much. And when Peggy died.... I didn't see much point in staying."

Tony gasped and jerked back. "Steven Grant Rogers, you did not-"

Steve smiled at Tony's immediate reaction, chuckling slightly. "No, that's not what I meant. I mean I left, came back. I... I gave Sam the shield, and.... I met Morgan, Tony." He said gently.

Tony's body language softened immensely, and he smiled. It was more prideful than sad.

"What did you think?" He asked.

"She's a genius, just like you." He said.

Tony began to feel tears well up in his eyes.

"Not that this isn't super cute, or whatever, but I refuse to third wheel until Clint gets his ass dead, so...." Natasha waved her pb&j sandwich in the air, and Steve perked up, grinning at her.

//

Later that evening, when the tides grew stronger and the ocean swallowed the sun, Steve and Tony found themselves content in sitting in the sand while Natasha did hand stands on the beach, elegantly and gracefully walking her fingers along the mud.

"Why here?" Tony asked, turning his head to Steve.

"Hm?"

"I mean, why with us?" He gestured to Natasha, whose lips curled just slightly. She was eaves dropping, but not making a show of it. Old habits die hard.

"You could have gone anywhere, made peace and rested in a place that reminded you of.... home." Tony said, staring out at the pinking sky.

"Tony... You are my home." He said softly. Tony's eyes widened and he looked back at him, surprised, though Steve kept his gaze on the ocean, smiling contently at the sea.

"Everything always lead back to you. Your future, my new future. The universe could never let me get away."

Tony snorted at that. "I bet you hated it. Sorry," He shrugged. Steve finally looked at him, shaking his head. Tony always deflected, even in death. Of course.

"I cherished every moment, Tony." He said softly.

They two stared at one another, Steve's eyes gentle and full of an ease Tony had never been blessed with, neither in life or even now. The genius flustered and squirmed under his all too caring gaze, and cleared his throat, looking away once again.

"You think Bruce or Thor will ever get here?" He asked. Steve simply shrugged.

"I'd hope so, but Thor and Bruce seem to be-"

"Immortal?"

"Sturdy."

Tony chuckled at that. "Thats what I thought of you, and yet..." He gestured at him and then huffed in fake exasperation.

"Even in death I can't escape your sorry asses."

Steve grinned. "Yeah. You're stuck with us." He said to him.

Tony looked over, and smiled right back.

"Guess I am." He said softly.

Steve continued to stare at him longingly, tilting his head meaningfully.

"I mean, it, you know. You, being my home, being around every corner in my life," He said.

"I couldnt be happier where I ended up, here, with you, Tony."

Tony stared at him and swallowed thickly, before leaning forward and kissing him gently on the mouth.

It was chaste, gentle, and sweet, and when they pulled away they let out a soft breath, chuckling into each other's mouths and resting their foreheads together.

"We're so dumb." Tony blurted, and Steve laughed a little louder, grin spreading wider.

Tony's smile fell slightly. "We could have had something, one upon a time." He said, and then it fell even more. "But now-"

"Now we have all the time in the world, Tony." Steve said, taking his hand.

"Morgan and Pepper will always be the one's. I know that. Peggy will always be mine." Steve said softly, but laced their hands together.

"But Tony, I saw worlds, timelines where you and I fall in love, over and over again." He swallowed.

"Its okay that we never got to do that in life. I'm okay with that, because you had Morgan, and Peggy was my girl. But... now... now I dont see why not." He said gently, and when Tony didnt respond, he swallowed and looked away.

"Or not, you know. Thats okay too."

"Why are you here?"

"I told you-"

"But really, Steve. Why? You could have gone to Peggy, found all your old friends-The Howling Commandos. Why me? Why Natasha? Why the Avengers?"

"Because.." Steve swallowed. "You're my family, and.... and I love you. I never stopped loving you. I love Peggy, I love the Commandos, but you made me have a purpose in the future-"

"Then why did you go back-"

"Because you were dead, Tony!" Steve said, his frustration beginning to erase the gentle ease he had earlier.

"You told me to get a life, and I did. I did everything for you. Everything. Every day I loved Peggy, I thought of you. Every evening I spent out, laughing, making new memories, I thought of you. I told myself that it was all okay, that everything was okay, because I was happy. But you don't understand what its like to live with survivor guilt, Tony-"

"I know exactly what thats like-!"

"Do you, do you really?" Steve asked, eyes glistening.

"I missed you. Every day. More than I even realized I could. I cherished every moment of seeing you in the news, becoming the man you were destined to be. Tony Stark, I love you. Unbelievably so." He said, but then stood.

"If you want me to go, then I will. For the rest of time, you never have to see me again. I can leave, if thats what you want." He said a bit hoarsely, and stared out into the ocean.

A moment's pause passed between them, and Tony stood in the sand, before stepping forward and placing a hand on his shoulder, because who was he to take away Steve's heaven? Nobody just decides to spend the rest of eternity with their bestie on a whim. Steve wanted to be here. Steve chose to be here.

"I'm sorry..." He wasn't quite sure what he was apologizing for, though. Perhaps it was making Steve blow up, or maybe for haunting Steve's life that was supposed to be happy.

Steve relaxed under his hand, and turned to him, smiling weakly.

"Stay." Tony said, pushing Steve's shoulder so they could face each other.

"Stay. With me. Please." He said softly, stepping close.

"Do you want me to?" Steve asked, looking at his feet.

"I do." Tony said, taking his fingers in his. Both of their hands were soft, rid of callouses.

"Is it true?" Tony asked. "That you saw us, falling in love?" He said gently. Steve nodded, stepping forward and placing his hands on Tony's waist. Tony's own went to his jawline, carresing his cheeks.

"Well then, I refuse to waste any more time." He said gently, eyes fluttering slightly as he leaned forward.

"Sweetheart," Steve breathed, lips brushing his. "We have an eternity of time."