#i wonder if it's because my best friend started dating her first ever bf last year and i still feel like a teenager who people don't see as

[startreatment]

the realisation that there's a very high chance no one finds me attractive has been ruining my life for months now

[auras-moonstone]

girl, i’m in dire need of some jack angst!! (i know, i’m crazy for wanting my heart to be ripped out by your beautiful writing in the saddest way possible😂)

maybe he and the reader have been dating for a few months and have their first big fight, maybe he’s been a little too close to a girl the reader has been having weird gut feelings about. they break up after some harsh words were said, and a few weeks later the reader sees that he’s dating the girl he told her not to worry about 👀

a few months pass, and jack and the girl break up bc he can’t get over the reader, and he tries to win her back, but soon realises he lost her for good when he sees her ar an event or something with someone else, and it’s clear that they’re more than friends.

(i kinda envision this as actress!reader x jack. and the event could be the oscars + the reader’s new bf could also be an A list celeb)

lyrics that could inspire you:

“'Cause there we are again when I loved you so, Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known” - All Too Well (Taylor’s Version)

“I'm sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind, Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life” - I Don’t Wanna Live Forever

thank you so much and i’m sorry if this req is all over the place 😂😂❣️

hii! this might be one of the saddest things i’ve written yet. hope you like it<3

break me like a promise — jack champion

word count: 2,949

pairing: jack champion x actress!fem!reader, louis partridge x fem!reader (brief).

summary: jack breaks y/n’s heart, and after ten months he is determined to win her back, he sees her being happy with someone else.

author’s note: when i read “readers new bf could be a celeb” i knew i had to include the other love of my life aka louis partridge aka london boy.

Y/N AND JACK HAD MET THROUGH JENNA ORTEGA. The latter and Y/N both worked for Netflix, so they bumped into each other in lots of events and eventually became super close. And, knowing how big of a Scream fan Y/N was, Jenna invited her over to set and that’s where she met Jack.

No one could deny that sparks flew instantly between them, not even the two people involved. And that scared Y/N a bit, because her last relationship had left her with insecurities and trust issues, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready to dive into another relationship.

Jack had been very understanding about it, and told her that they should start as friends. He assured her that he would wait as long as she needed to, that she was worth it. And after months and months of therapy, Y/N finally felt ready to try things with Jack.

They were in a lavender haze for months. Her relationship with Jack was unlike anything Y/N had experienced before. The love she felt for him was so strong that there was no way to put it into words. Jack was her best friend—he had held her hand as she healed, and drew stars around the scars that the previous relationship had left on her. And she never would have thought he was going to be the one who made the wounds bleed again.

Jealousy is often seen as a toxic feeling, and after talking with her shrink about it, Y/N came to a conclusion—the toxicity depends on the way you handle that feeling. So Y/N decided to put her fears on the table, instead of jumping into conclusions. That’s what she thought would be the most healthy thing to do. Jack would be honest with her, and the thoughts that had been eating her alive would disappear.

But as soon as she said the words and saw Jack’s expression of irritation, Y/N knew she should’ve kept her mouth shut.

“Seriously? I can’t have female friend now” Jack spat furiously.

“What?! Of course you can. That’s not what I’m saying” Y/N said calmly. “I just… she clearly has feelings for you. And I’m not saying you should stop hanging out with her, I just need to know if she’s just a friend to you… or if there is room for more.”

“I can’t fucking believe you’re telling me this.” he shook his head in disbelief.

“Jack, I’m not accusing you of cheating or anything, really. You’ve been spending so much time with her…” more than with me, she wanted to add. But that would make things worse. “and I just have this weird feeling. I need to know how you really feel, that’s it. If you tell me you don’t like her, I’ll believe you. But please be honest with me.”

“What I really feel is that you’re suffocating me with your shitty problems.” his demeanour was so calm, but his words were sharp as knives, and they cut right through her heart. She had trouble believing the words had actually left his mouth. “I’ve waited for you for months, I helped you through all of it. And now you’re making this shit up? Grow up.”

Y/N felt like throwing up. She felt like she was about to spit her heart. “You don’t mean that.” her voice broke. “In all of these months, when have I ever brought up one of your female friends? Not once. Because I know they are only friends. But with her, Jack, I just feel like there is something more. And yes, maybe I’m overthinking, but that’s why I’m asking. That’s it. I’m just asking, Jack.”

“Stop being so fucking paranoid. I get that your ex cheated on you, but stop seeing ghosts everywhere.”

“Why are you being so mean? Why are you avoiding the question? It’s simple, Jack. Do you have feelings for her?” Y/N asked, the knot in her throat grew in size when she noticed he couldn’t look her in the eyes. “Jack?”

“We’re just friends, jesus!” he said annoyed. Y/N wanted so bad to play dumb, to pretend she couldn’t see he was lying.

“You know I can read you like a book, right?” she asked softly, sad. “When you lie, you can’t look me in the eyes, you play with your hands and bite the inside of your cheeks.”

“Y/N… fucking drop it. I’m tired of this”

“We are over, Jack” she tried to walk towards the door, but he grabbed her and pulled her against his chest, trapping her in his arms.

He saw the tears steaming down her face and cursed himself. “Shit. No, please. Let’s talk. I’m sorry” he sound like he was about to cry, and Y/N knew she needed to leave. Because even though he had hurt her, the soft spot in her heart was still reserved for him.

“No, let’s just leave it like this because if you keep talking, I’m afraid I might end up resenting you, and I don’t want that.”

“I love you, Y/N” Jack hugged her tightly. “Please let’s fix this. I promise you nothing happened with her, and nothing will.”

“I love you too, but I don’t believe you. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore” and so she stepped away for the arms she loved the most in the world and left without glancing back. If she did, she knew she wouldn’t be able to leave.

EVER SINCE SHE WALKED OUT OF JACK’S HOUSE TWO WEEKS AGO, Y/N HAD BEEN OVERWORKING HERSELF TO AVOID HER THOUGHTS OF JACK CREEPING INTO HER MIND. She had stayed out of social media, and had deleted Jack’s number from her phone to avoid temptations. Her friends kept their eyes on her all the time, worried about the inevitable breakdown. You can only hold back for so long before it becomes too much.

Louis, her co-star, had been by her side as much as he could. And, like every morning, he was waiting for her on her trailer with a caramel macchiato and a shiny grin on his handsome face.

“And a chocolate chip muffin?” Y/N asked, seeing the mouth-watering treat next to her Starbucks drink. “What’s the special occasion?”

Louis stared at her, frowning. Not any indications of having had a break down, not even puffy eyes, which meant one thing—she hadn’t seen the pictures yet. “Nothing” he blurted, showing his charming smile. “Just saw it and had to buy it.”

“You really need to stop buying me these breakfasts, Lou. I’m going to get cavities” Y/N said taking a sip of her overly sweet drink.

“But look at how happy it makes you. Cavities will be worth it, don’t you think?”

“You may have a point. Scoot over” she told him, nudging his leg with her foot. Louis moved his body so that she could sit next to him on the small couch. It was not made for two people, so they were basically pressed against the other, yet they found it comfortable. Especially Louis, whose insides melted because of the closeness between them—his not so tiny crush on her was painfully obvious.

“What are you doing?” Louis asked, trying to keep his voice calm as she unlocked her phone.

“I forgot to check which surprise songs Taylor sang last night” she answered as she opened twitter. “Oh god”

“What?!” Louis squealed.

“She sang Cornelia Street and You’re on your own kid! And I wasn’t there, Lou!” she dramatically dropped her head on his chest. He couldn’t help but sigh in relief. “What is going on with you?” she laughed.

“Nothing. Why?” he laughed awkwardly.

“I don’t know, you’re extra jumpy and panicky today.”

“I’m always jumpy and panicky around you.” he said, trying to brush it off.

“No, you’re not” Y/N furrowed her eyes, locking her phone. Louis eyed the action and his chest relaxed. The girl noticed that, so she unlocked it again and started scrolling through Twitter. On her periphery, she saw the boy’s body tensing again. So it had to do with social media, she guessed. “Louis, I’m not dumb. Tell me what is going on.”

“Nothing” he repeated. “Let’s rehearse our lines.”

“Lou, I love you but you’re getting on my nerves right now. I hate being lied to, you know that.”

Y/N’s vulnerable eyes were his weakness, so he sighed and took her hand in his. “This weekend, some fans caught Jack walking around the city with a girl… and they… um, saw them kissing and holding hands.”

Y/N felt her heart drop, and her eyes started to sting. No. She wasn’t going to cry. She hadn’t let herself cry for two weeks and she was not going to start now. “Oh.”

“Give me your phone” Louis said softly. She was too lost in her own mind to question it, so she just obeyed. “I deleted Tik Tok and Instagram. And silenced any Jack related stuff on Twitter. You don’t need to see those pictures.”

“Louis… the girl… is it her?” Y/N asked, trying to keep her voice in control.

“Stop” his voice was firm.

“I want to move on, Lou. And for that, I need to know I was right first.” she pleaded. “Is it her?” her friend nodded slowly as he brought her to his chest. Y/N did a little nod too, and tried to stand up. “Let’s rehearse our lines.”

“Y/N…” he grabbed her elbow to push her back.

“Lou, please. I don’t want to cry, I don’t want to think about it.” he noticed she was two seconds away to burst into tears. And as much as he knew he would hate the sight of her weeping, it was necessary.

“I know you don’t, Y/N/N, but you have to if you want to move on. You’re never getting over this if you keep ignoring your need to cry.”

“I’m just afraid that if I do, I won’t be able to stop.” she confessed, tears starting to blur her vision.

“It feels like that now, but I promise you it’ll be good for you. You have been holding it back for weeks, and once you let it all out, you’ll start to heal” he said as he played with her hair.

“Two weeks… it took him two weeks to go off and date her. And it’s not only some girl… it’s her. He told me I was paranoid, and now he proved me right.”

Jack had promised nothing would happen between him and that girl, and now he broke his promise just like he had broken her heart two weeks ago.

After the realisation, it was like something snapped inside of Y/N, and one sob turned into desperate crying. Her fragile body shook under Louis’ arms, and he wished he could stop her pain. But he couldn’t, so he just stayed there with her holding her as she let it all out.

AS MUCH AS SHE HOPED THE CRYING WOULD EASE THE PAIN, IT DIDN’T. It had been months of being in a rollercoaster of feelings, sometimes she was okay, sometimes she was great and sometimes she was so low not even Louis’ hugs could lift her up.

The days where she didn’t have to shoot were the worst, because she spent hours in bed and her brain betrayed her by bringing the memories of Jack back. She missed him so much, it was completely agonizing. Why?, she asked herself when the room was dark and she couldn’t sleep. Why did he get to move on while she had to spend her days like that? She has been trying to pick up her heart while Jack was all lovey-dovey with the girl he swore was just his friend.

Jack continued her life without her, while Y/N woke up everyday with his memory over her. She longed for the picture of Jack’s dazzling smile to be gone from her mind. She prayed to forget the sound of his voice as he whispered the sweetest of things on her ear. She wished she could stop hearing his angelic laugh everywhere. She wanted to stop feeling the ghost of his touch against her skin. To forget that his lips were soft and that every time they were pressed against hers she could feel goosebumps all over her body. Y/N just wanted to stop being haunted by the memories of Jack.

Louis had slowly helped her through the process of moving on. He was there to offer his warmth when the wrenching thoughts triggered the waves of tears, and he was also there to make her break a smile once the sobbing stopped.

After eight months, the flood of her tears successfully carried away the thoughts of Jack, and Y/N knew she was finally clean. Not that she didn’t miss him, because Jack was her first love after all, and a small part of her would always love him.

It took her a few more months to be sure if she was ready to risk it again, but Louis’ sweet disposition, how he saw the best in her even in her worst times, showed her that he was worth it. And so she she watched it began again with him.

JACK AND THE GIRL LASTED FOR TWO MONTHS. He never intended to have something with her, but she was interested and he was lonely and sad, so he said yes. But reality crept in soon—he loved Y/N with all his heart and no matter who he was with, his thoughts would always go back to her.

He had been texting her for months, but she had blocked his number. He knew he could easily drive to her house, but he didn’t want to add salt to the multiple wounds he had inflicted on her, it would be selfish. So when Jack saw that Avatar 4 and Y/N’s drama film were both nominated for the Oscars, he knew it was his chance to make things right. To bring back the only real thing he had ever known.

But he didn’t plan on seeing her with someone else. And he knew they weren’t there together just as co-stars, they were each other’s date. The spark in Y/N’s eyes when she looked at Louis was familiar to Jack—it was the way they used to shine just for him. Jack had been the one to extinguish the spark on her eyes, and Louis had managed to light them up again.

And he wasn’t even mad or jealous. He actually felt happy and sad. Jack didn’t understand how it was possible for two opposite feelings to co-exist in his body at the same time. He realized it was a lost battle, yet he needed to do talk to her. For the sake of their once marvellous relationship.

Y/N got out of the bathroom and into the crowded room, but the thousands of people in it became blurry once she recognized the silhouette of a handsome tall boy leaning against the entrance. “Jack?” his name left her lips in a mix of anguish and surprise.

“Hey” he said softly. You look beautiful, he wanted to add, but restrained himself. “I wanted to talk to you.” Jack saw her grimace and continued before she could stop him. “I know. I know it’s the last thing you want, I just need to get this off my chest. You’re not paranoid or insecure. You never overwhelmed me with your problems. You were right, and I was a shitty boyfriend, friend and person, and you have been so amazing and patient… and I’m so sorry, Y/N. I never deserved your love.”

“You did… up until that night.” she said in all honesty. “I loved you so much, and then you said all of those things. I can’t forget about it, because I never expected those words to come out of your mouth.”

“I know, and I really don’t expect you to forgive me. It’s okay and understandable if you don’t, but I needed you to know that those things I said weren’t true at all.” Jack said, pressing his lips in a thin line. “To be honest, I came here with the mind set of trying to win you back” he confessed, and let out a little laugh, as if the idea was now ridiculous. “But I saw you with him and I know that I’ve lost you for good. Are you happy with him?”

Y/N saw his deep brown eyes starting to get glossy and her insides melted. She didn’t see him with romantic eyes anymore, but it didn’t mean the love was gone. She still cared for him with every bone in her body. “I am. He’s amazing.”

Jack smiled. Genuinely smiled, so widely that it made a few tears drop, and before she knew it, Y/N’s cheeks were wet too. “That’s great, Y/N/N. Really great. I’m happy for you.”

And that was the moment Y/N knew Jack honestly regretted the words he had said before their breakup. “I forgive you.”

The tall boy’s eyes widened “What?”

“I forgive you.” she repeated. “And you deserve to be happy too, okay?”

“Thank you” Jack said breathlessly, wiping away the tears.

“I need to go. But it was nice to see you, thank you for coming to talk to me. For real. I really needed that, I think we both needed that.”

And so they both smiled to each other one last time before parting ways. There was nothing left to say, staying friends had never been an option with them. They loved each other too much for that. When it came to Y/N and Jack, it was everything or nothing at all.

[phoebehalliwell]

on the subject of crackships.

in a prue lives, phoebeleo piperkyle pruecole paigeandy au (in which paige meets them in s1) how do u see it playing out and ALSO. do u see them all having kids still. this is so random i am so sorry (also i don't mean they have to be set from the get go and never get w anyone else but these would hypothetically be endgame)

i mean with phoebeleo like hard yes like in s2 when they're watching the baby at the end everyone's like phoebe ik you're gonna be a great mom you're gonna have like a million and one kids like mark my words and phoebe's real smitten about it like wow u really think you : ) i'd like to. guess i should probably find a guy first tho huh. but if that guy's already there bc it's leo and he's been here since season one i think they are easily first to have kids and first to get a full power of three the other three is definitely like another can of worms bc like.

okay so for paigeandy obvi we're starting andy's an old childhood friend of the halliwell's for the sake of cleanliness did not date any of them (if we're going messy tho dated prue hooked up once or twice with phoebe (not while dating prue, but neither of them ever mentioned it around prue bc well. yikes.) And piper had a major crush on andy for like. a decade. from ages 13 to 23) and he's a cop and does. stuff idk helps people and this lands him frequently in bed with social services which is. consistently. a pain in the ass. and he doesn't try to hold it against them bc they're clearly understaffed underpaid there's a lot to do but um jesus. and everyone in the precinct Hates having to go over there to do stuff bc you're just standing in the lobby drinking bad coffee for fifty minutes before you can even get a word in with the work and unlucky andy he drew the short straw ends up at social services and who should he meet there if not this gorgeous but really scatterbrained berkeley grad with a mouth like a sailor and a heart of gold and now um there's no need to draw straws at the station because andy straight up volunteers to go to social services just to see paige which she notices of course because like. were you jinxed or something? cursed? i've never known someone to draw the short straw so many times. and andy's like no i just um. like being hands on with my work i don't like leaving up to some dumb rookie with bad luck and paige is like oh don't worry i promise it is still being left to some dumb rookie with bad luck i mean i am right here blah blah blah banter conversation hint at a tragic backstory give it half a season and then it's official bf/gf shit and as far as charmed goes it's a prophecy about four sisters and the halliwells are like phew. dodged a bullet there lmao. until they do something only charmed ones could do and they're like Wait. Fuck. Is There A Fourth Sister Out There? so they find paige within the first hmm ten episodes or so.

so since we have both s1 phoebeleo and paigeandy i'd say they'd be on the fastest track but i feel like paige does have a lot more issues when it comes to getting married and having kids than phoebe does regardless i think by s4 they're married on track to have kids with pruecole we're doing the s3 introduction and the enemies to lovers arc we seal that with either a wedding at the very end of s4 or at the very beginning of s5 however kids is like. like they both want kids but prue has daddy issues and cole has mommy issues not to mention the charmed one/demon hybrid so they need to do some soul searching on that one. prue's probably pregnant by the end of s5 and has her baby halfway thru s6. paige may or may not have had kids at this point if they did they were kind of a whoopsies baby but she and andy r embracing it with open arms.

piperkyle imo is peak in a divorce/widower era it's been pitched like piperkyle au where he's not fucking insane piperkyle au where she's not brokenhearted piperkyle au where they're both normal happy people who then meet but like. nah. the appeal of them to me really is being the broken fucked up human being and feeling like you're kinda just gonna stay broken and fucked up bc you had your shot and you blew it so now you're here get used to it and then to have someone to meet someone who sees you so genuinely as you are that at first it's disgusting leave me alone i hate you but out of that just honest sight grows familiarity and comfort and before you even realized it happened love and jfc i'm in love with them???? but you realize that you're always happier when they're around you want to stay by their side and you don't even have to wonder if they feel the same because you just know they do because you Know each other and you don't have to wait for them to turn and run once they see who you really are because they know who you are they've known from the start saw the ugly the broken and vile and looked past that and saw the beauty and genuine love underneath like 🗣‼🗣‼🗣‼🗣‼. piperkyle consistently makes me insane. So. in order to hit this. we're bringing in dan. that's right, from season two to six (maybe just five but i'd like to have the pruecole arc wrapped up in a nice bow by the time we open up the next enemies to lovers) piper and dan give a relationship the old college try going from the honeymoon phase to the cringe failmarriage stage until it's eventually just time to call it quits like you literally can't move forward. so because of the delayed start piperkyle would def be the last to have kids but because this is a long slowburn full of character development and just like. vulnerable bonding moments i think that once they go official as a couple wedding and kids are not far off on the horizon i think if we close out a season (a hypothetical 9 or 10) with them getting together for the first time then we gotta burn some miles on the freak out denial stage because i always think that's funny that'll last half a season? maybe a third. and then by the end of the season we're looking at a wedding. by the end of the following season they def have a kid

superlatives!

most fashionable couple: pruecole

most likely to name their kids after dead relatives: piperkyle

most likely to break p tradition: paigeandy

most chill about dating a charmed one: phoebeleo (andy kyle & cole would all be way too willing to throw themselves into danger, leo trusts phoebe's foresight and knows when he needs to sit on the sidelines. it is a lesson all the other men still struggle with)

bonus round!

best bromance: 1st place: leoandy 2nd place: leocole 3rd place: colekyle

[miraculousladybugandconsent]

Am I in a Healthy Relationship?

It Feels Like Love — But Is It?

It's totally normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn't as healthy as it should be.

What Makes a Healthy Relationship?

Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well. Not sure if that's the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these qualities:

Mutual respect. 

Does he or she get how great you are and why? Make sure your BF or GF is into you for who you are.

Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away, without trying to get you to change your mind?

Respect in a relationship means that each person values the other and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries.

Trust.

You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool, or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him?

It's okay to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters.

There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.

Honesty.

This one goes hand-in-hand with trust, because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest.

Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie?

Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends?

The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her, and the trust will be on shaky ground.

Support.

It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you.

Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart, but not that interested in hearing about the good things in your life.

In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play.

Fairness/equality.

You need to have give-and-take in your relationship.

Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see?

As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as they hang out with yours?

You'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance.

Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get their way all the time.

Separate identities.

In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises, but that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself.

When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn't change.

Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love.

And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.

Good communication.

Can you talk to each other and share feelings that are important to you?

Don't keep feelings bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your partner wants to hear.

And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that.

What's an Unhealthy Relationship?

A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior.

Some people live in homes with parents who fight a lot or abuse each other — emotionally, verbally, or physically. For some people who have grown up around this kind of behavior it can almost seem normal or okay, but it's not!

Many of us learn from watching and imitating the people close to us. So someone who has lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect, or how to expect the same treatment. This does not make it okay to disrespect you!

Qualities like kindness and respect are absolute requirements for a healthy relationship.

Someone who doesn't yet have this part down may need to work on it with a trained therapist before he or she is ready for a relationship.

Meanwhile, even though you might feel bad or feel for someone who's been mistreated, you need to take care of yourself — it's not healthy to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind.

Even if your partner was or is being abused, it is never okay for them to abuse you, and you aren’t a bad person for keeping yourself safe.

Warning Signs

When a boyfriend or girlfriend uses verbal insults, mean language, nasty putdowns, gets physical by hitting or slapping, or forces someone into sexual activity, it's a sign of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.

Ask yourself, does my partner:

get angry when I don't drop everything for them?

criticize the way I look or dress, and say I'll never be able to find anyone else who would date me?

keep me from seeing friends or from talking to other guys or girls?

want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?

ever raise a hand when angry, like they were about to hit me?

try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?

These aren't the only questions you can ask yourself. If you can think of any way in which your partner is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or — this is a big one — harm you physically or sexually, then it's time to get out, fast.

Let a trusted friend or family member know what's going on, and make sure you're safe.

It can be tempting to make excuses or misinterpret violence, possessiveness, or anger as an expression of love.But even if you know that the person hurting you loves you, it is not healthy.

No one deserves to be hit, shoved, or forced into anything they don't want to do.

Why Are Some Relationships So Difficult?

Ever heard about how it's hard for someone to love you when you don't love yourself? It's a big relationship roadblock when one or both people struggle with self-esteem problems.

Your partner isn't there to make you feel good about yourself if you can't do that on your own.

Focus on being happy with yourself, and don't take on the responsibility of worrying about someone else's happiness.

What if you feel that your girlfriend or boyfriend needs too much from you? If the relationship feels like a burden or a drag instead of a joy, it might be time to think about whether it's a healthy match for you.

Even if your partner is mentally ill, or struggling with something in their personal life, it doesn’t mean you have to stay with them. A relationship is supposed to benefit both sides and make you both happy. If all it’s doing is making you miserable, it’s okay to end it.

You are never obligated to stay in a relationship, no matter your reasons for ending it. 

If your partner ever threatens you with hurting themselves if you leave them, tell a trusted adult immediately, and end the relationship. Even if someone is mentally ill, it is never okay to threaten self-harm or suicide to keep someone in a relationship, and you are not responsible for their actions, even if they try to blame you. Tell a trusted adult that your partner was threatening to hurt themselves, and end the relationship.

Manipulating someone with the threat of self-harm or suicide is abusive, and it is never okay.

If you are struggling with suicidal ideation or thought of self-harm, talk to a trusted adult or call a helpline. You can talk to your partner about the way you feel, but it is not okay for you to use your mental illness as a threat or a manipulation tactic.

Feeling suicidal doesn’t always mean you want to die, wishing you didn’t exist or were never born is another common symptom. Click here to find out how you can get help if you’re feeling suicidal or want to hurt yourself.

Another reason relationships might seem so difficult is because intense relationships can be hard for teens.

Some are so focused on their own developing feelings and responsibilities that they don't have the emotional energy it takes to respond to someone else's feelings and needs in a close relationship.

Don't worry if you're just not ready yet. You can take all the time you need, even if you decide you never want to date at all.

Ever notice that some teen relationships don't last very long? It's no wonder — you're both still growing and changing every day. You might seem perfect for each other at first, but that can change. If you try to hold on to the relationship anyway, there's a good chance it will turn sour. Better to part as friends than to stay in something that you've outgrown or that no longer feels right for one or both of you.

And before you go looking for amour from that hottie from French class, respect your current beau by breaking things off before you make your move. Cheating isn’t okay, no matter your reasons.

Relationships can be full of fun, romance, excitement, intense feelings, and occasional heartache, too.

Whether you're single or in a relationship, remember that it's good to be choosy about who you get close to. If you're still waiting, take your time and get to know plenty of people, and know that no choice needs to be permanent.

Think about the qualities you value in a friendship, and see how they match up with the ingredients of a healthy relationship.

Work on developing those good qualities in yourself — they make you a lot more attractive to others.

And if you're already part of a pair, make sure the relationship you're in brings out the best in both of you.

source

[willforeverbemine]

So a rundown of my life in the past 3 months so we’re all up to date lmao:

First of all: mental health in ✨tatters✨ like she really struggling up there. Most of it was down to my job and the last November-December stretch was really hard and bad and I ended up leaving earlier than planned because of just was not enjoyable anymore. If you’re wondering about my 2022 mental health: hahahahahahahaaa this bitch is no better, it turns out your girl is pretty much ✨unemployable✨ so that’s fun 🥰🥰🥰

2. I actually got through a lot of Netflix with my little brother. We watched atypical together and I got my brother to watch never have I ever 😂

3. Listen it’s taken me 8 years but I took the plunge and started watching cw’s the flash. Now I should start by saying I binged it all in 3 weeks (fucking embarrassing) and yes the show is trashy and bad and goddamn they need to end it pronto but I love trashy shows ok 😂 also I don’t think I’ll ever love a tv heterosexual ship more than westallen ok they are just it! The gold fucking standard

3. My sister came home for Christmas and it was sooooo nice! I also spend Christmas Eve with my niece and her mum (my best friend) and nothing gets me happier than spending time with her 🥰 and yes she did get pre Christmas gifts from me as well as Christmas gifts (I spoil her- it’s an issue 😭)

4. I spent New Years in bham with my 2 best friends, my bff bf and niece! My best friend and her bf recently moved in together so we spent 3 days in bham…all the days just rolled into one tbh 😂

5. I have been keeping up with the little weewoo show and it’s incredible how much serotonin the show gives me. I have many a thoughts about s3 😭

6. I also saw nwh in the cinema opening weekend with my siblings! Yeah I don’t think I’ve ever screamed like that in my entire life.

7. My sister and I also binged s4 of cobra Kai the day it was released and yeah I have a lot of thoughts but gosh that little homoerotic karate show is my baby 😭

8. Did a lot of ft calls with my undergrad friends and I miss them so much and i actually can’t wait to finally see them again (when I have the money)

9. I GRADUATED!!!! Finally had my long awaited graduation ceremony 💃🏻

So erm happy (very late) 2022!

[musette22]

As it's Chris' birthday today, what's your Evanstan headcon for how they are spending it? We don't know if Chris is still in LA (as far as I know), do you think he might be back in Boston to be with his family? That would mean Seb could easily visit him now that the lockdown in NYC is over. Or would he fly to LA to celebrate with his bf? (He hasn't been seen in NYC in the last couple of days either, right?) Or will the only hang out virtually? I would love to know what you are imagining 😊

Hello darling!! So yesterday, I said I probably wasn’t going to write any Evanstan for a while, but then I woke up this morning and had a lovely little Evanstan headcanon fantasy about Chris’s birthday - as you do - and then I thought screw it, let’s write this thing. So here’s a little drabble (well, it should’ve been a drabble) about how Chris might have spent his birthday 😘

A/N: This is just a nonsensical little fantasy scenario that doesn’t actually make any sense, but the idea made me happy, so I hope it’ll make you guys happy too! Don’t look too closely, please, there’s some overlap with previous fics and this was all written very quickly and hasn’t been edited properly because it’s late where I am and I need to sleep lmao 🙈 Sorry about that!

Happy birthday, Mr. America 

*********

Chris likes surprises, generally speaking.

Not the nasty kind, like when a part unexpectedly falls through, or someone gets angry at him out of the blue and he doesn’t know what he’s done wrong. But he likes it when exciting things happen and shake things up a bit, like when he’s having a lazy day alone at home, and a friend suddenly shows up on his doorstep to tell him, change of plans, we’re going bungee jumping. When that happens, Chris will happily drop whatever he’s doing and jump in the car, because that’s the kind of thing that makes him feel alive.

So when he arrives at the Evans’ family house today, on his birthday, and is greeted by a chorus of Surprise! and Happy Birthdays from a bunch of people he hasn’t seen ages - literal years, in some cases - Chris is delighted and touched; excited to see familiar faces and catch up with his friends and family.

That excited feeling lasts for a solid few hours, until his Aunt Melanie corners him and starts telling Chris about her Pilates instructor. This isn’t the first time she’s tried to set Chris up with whichever wonderful girl she’s most recently met and feels would be perfect for Chris, but this time she’s really hammering on about how she just can’t understand why a good-looking, successful young man like him hasn’t found a wife yet. She no doubt means well, but that doesn’t mean Chris is about to go on a blind date with her Pilates instructor.

When he’s finally managed to excuse himself under the pretense of needing a bathroom break, he sneaks off to the back of the house, to his dad’s old study. As soon as the door closes behind him, he lets out a sigh of relief and leans back against it for a moment, catching his breath. He loves his family to bits, but there’s no denying they’re a lot. There’s a sofa in the study, a wide, navy blue one, and Chris lies down on it, stretching himself to his full length. He closes his eyes, hoping to nap for a couple of minutes, but no dice. His aunt’s comments play in his head on a loop, causing something uneasy to stir in his stomach.

The thing is, she’s right. He should already be married and have a couple of cute kids to dote on. He’s wanted to have a family and settle down for a long time, ever since he got done with sowing his wild oats and calmed down a little. He’s the long-term relationship kind, and there had been a few girlfriends with whom he thought he definitely could see a future.

That had been Before, though. Before Sebastian Stan had waltzed into his life and upended everything Chris thought he knew for certain, complicating everything in the best and worst possible way. After the initial shock of developing feelings for another guy wore off, Chris had simply accepted his infatuation as a fact of life, and it had become something he carried with him always, but never acted on or even spoke of. He wouldn’t know where to start. It was clear there was something between them, though. The way Sebastian looked at him sometimes… It had to mean something. For the longest time, they’d danced around each other, always just shy of outright flirting, and there had been a few times when Chris really thought something might finally happen between them. But it never did.

And now it never would. They’ve hardly even seen each other, over the past year, after they stopped working together. Sure, they kept in touch from time to time, but there is only so much keeping in touch two work friends can plausibly do before it gets weird or necessarily has to turn into something else. And Chris thought he’d accepted that, more or less.

But then last week, he and Scott had gotten drunk together – like really, stupidly drunk. At around 3 in the morning, Scott had put on The First Avenger so he could make fun of Chris in his skin tight leggings, and then suddenly Sebastian’s face had been right there on his TV screen: larger than life, young and handsome like he’d been when Chris first felt that tug in his gut when he’d looked at him.

And Chris, whose brain-to-mouth filter unfortunately ceases to exist entirely whenever he’s had too much to drink, had just blurted out, “I think I’m in love with him.”

Initially, Scott had thought Chris meant that Steve was in love with Bucky. 

“Well, clearly,” he’d slurred. “They’re soooo gay, oh my god.”

And instead of using the misunderstanding to cover up for his unfortunate drunken slip-up, Chris had slowly shook his head and corrected, “No, with Sebastian. ‘M in love with Sebastian. Have been for a long time, I think.”

He’d passed out not long after, possibly his subconscious’ way of trying to protect himself against the barrage of questions from Scott that Chris had been in no state to answer in that moment. Inevitably, Scott had tried to talk to him about it the next day, but Chris – hungover, embarrassed and annoyed with himself for opening his big mouth and spilling this secret that he’d managed to keep for close to a decade – had told Scott to leave it and that he didn’t want to talk about it. Nothing was ever going to come of this now anyway, so it was much better if they could all just forget it ever happened.

Scott and he had gone to dinner at their mom’s that night, and of course, Lisa had instantly sensed something was off. Unfortunately, Chris never did stand a chance in hell against his mother, so when she took him to aside after dinner and outright asked him what was wrong, he’d had no choice but to spill the beans. Besides, if he didn’t, Scott would probably have found a way to guilt him into telling Lisa, eventually - they’d always shared everything with her, after all.

Lisa had been so loving and understanding, just like Chris knew she would, and despite the aching in his chest, he was grateful and a little bit relieved to know he wasn’t keeping something this significant from her any longer. But in the end, it didn’t change anything. Of course, Lisa had asked him why he didn’t just go for it, told him to just go for it, call Sebastian and ask him out for dinner, but Chris had dismissed all her suggestions. It just wasn’t going to happen. Certainly not now, not anymore.

She’d dropped it, eventually, but Chris is under no illusions that he’s heard the last of it.

Since then, he’d tried to put the whole fiasco out of his mind, but then Aunt Melanie started badgering him about his marital status and it had all come rushing back again.

Just when Chris about to give up on trying to nap and head outside to get some fresh air instead, there’s a knock at the door.

Chris sighs, rubbing his eyes. “Come in,” he calls, not bothering to get up because it’s probably his mom coming to check on him. “Hey, mom,” he says, when Lisa’s head does appear around the door.

“Hi, sweetheart,” she replies, smiling. She opens the door a little wider. “There’s someone here to see you.”

“Oh?” Chris says, sitting up a little straighter for whatever friend or family member his mom wants him to meet so urgently, but then Lisa steps aside to reveal –  

Sebastian.

Sebastian is here. In his mom’s house. Standing right there, looking a little apprehensive and unsure, but still so fucking gorgeous it makes Chris’s heart stop for a moment inside his chest, before it starts up again at double speed.

“Hey, Chris,” Sebastian says, and it’s his voice, he’s really here, in Chris’s dad’s old study, speaking actual words at him.

What the fuck.

Chris gets to his feet so fast he feels a bit lightheaded, lightly swaying on his feet before he manages to get some semblance of a reply. "Hi. What- Sebastian. What are you doing here?"

Sebastian’s eyes flicker to Lisa for a moment, looking at her a little uncertainly. She gives him an encouraging nod.

“Um,” Sebastian starts, turning his eyes back to Chris again. “Lisa, your mom, invited me to your surprise birthday party.” He licks his lips nervously. “So, yeah, happy birthday. And, um. Surprise.” The last word is accompanied by a dorky little wave, and Chris is just. Speechless.

Literally, can’t form any words speechless, which is highly unusual for him. When he just keeps standing there, staring a Sebastian like he’s some kind of fata morgana, Lisa rolls her eyes and nudges Sebastian with her elbow.

“Well, go on, then,” she prompts, nodding in Chris’s direction. “He won’t bite.” Then, the look in her eyes turns mischievous, and Chris has half a second to think oh no, before she adds, “Unless you like that sort of thing, of course, but then he'd ask first. I raised him well.”

Sebastian makes a strangled sound, but starts towards him nonetheless, and before he really knows what’s happening, Chris is holding Sebastian in his arms. Holding him in his arms and burying his face in the crook of his neck and breathing him in. Sebastian’s arms go around him, too, a little tentative at first, but growing tighter, more secure, the longer the hug lasts. 

And it lasts, much longer than a casual happy birthday hug between friends is supposed to last, but Chris can’t for the life of him bring himself to let go. He knows he’s clinging, that he’s got his nose pressed to the spot below Sebastian’s ear and that’s probably far too intimate, but Sebastian’s arms around are wound tightly around Chris’s waist and his cheek is presses to the side of Chris’s face, and he’s not letting go either.

Finally, after what feels simultaneously like forever and the blink of an eye, Sebastian inhales shakily, his chest expanding against Chris’s. With Herculean effort, Chris makes himself pull away. But, of course, that brings with it the complication of being able to see Sebastian’s face, flustered and glowing, eyes shining with something unnameable. They’re so close then, their faces only an inch or so apart, and when Sebastian’s eyes flicker down to Chris’s mouth for a split second, Chris’s restraint breaks.

He lunges forward, and Sebastian does the same, and their mouths crash together awkwardly and suddenly, they’re kissing. Really, actually kissing. 

Chris’s hands fly to Sebastian’s face, holding it like it’s something precious, causing Sebastian to make a small, desperate sound that reverberates throughout Chris’s entire body. When he licks at the seam of Sebastian’s lips, Sebastian parts them immediately, letting him in, and Chris is drowning. Drowning in the kiss, in Sebastian’s taste, his smell, the little sighs he’s making against Chris’s lips, like he’s just as overwhelmed and stupefied and happy as Chris is, while they cling to each other like they’re each scared the other’s going to disappear if they dare to let up for just one second.

Eventually, though, they have to break apart for air. Chris presses their foreheads together, unwilling to put any more distance between them than is strictly necessary, still breathing the same air. When Chris eventually opens his eyes, he finds Sebastian looking back at him in a way that makes his knees feel suddenly weak.

"Hi," Seb says, voice low and husky.

"Hey," Chris replies, his hands on either side of Sebastian’s face, thumbs idly caressing his cheekbones.

Sebastian giggles, a light, happy sound that makes his nose do that scrunchy thing it does, and Chris wants to die. He groans, pulling Sebastian back in by the back of his neck –

And then Lisa clears her throat. Sebastian startles; he’d evidently forgotten she was still there, or maybe assumed she’d have left to give them their privacy, but that just goes to show Sebastian doesn’t know Lisa very well – yet.

"Well,” Lisa says, a grin in her voice. “I'll leave you two to it then, let me know if you need anything.” She pauses, before cheekily adding, “Anything at all."

“Yes, thank you, mom,” Chris says quickly, keen to spare Sebastian any further embarrassment. Sebastian’s hiding his face in Chris’s chest as it is, arms still wound around his waist, and Chris is literally about to pass out from how fucking cute that is.

Holding up a placating hand, Lisa finally retreats, closing the door behind her.

Once they’re alone, Chris steers Sebastian towards the couch, sitting down and pulling him into his lap. Sebastian lets himself be guided, straddling Chris’s thighs and giving him a coy look through his eyelashes. Chris blows out a slow breath to center himself a little, bringing up his hands to settle on Sebastian’s waist.

He knows they’ll need to talk about this at some point, but right now he can’t think of a single way to express what he’s feeling, and what this means to him. Right now, all he can do is stare at Sebastian in wonder, relishing finally getting to look at him the way he’s always wanted to: unabashedly, fondly, and very appreciative of exactly how tempting Sebastian’s lips look – especially after having been thoroughly kissed. By him.

“Fuck,” Chris breathes, overwhelmed, leaning in again to catch those pretty pink lips in another kiss.

Sebastian responds beautifully, opening up right away, melting into him. His arms wind around Chris’s shoulders, fingers scratching gently through the hair on the back of Chris’s head, making him shiver.

It’s sweet, at first; lips sliding together lazily, slow and lush, but eventually, the kisses turn a little dirtier, with nipping teeth and teasing tongues. When Sebastian bites Chris’s bottom lip a bit too hard, pulling on it, Chris literally goes cross-eyed for a second. The hand that found its way into Sebastian’s hair tightens instinctively, pulling his head back just a little.

“Oh,” Sebastian breathes, eyelids fluttering, and Chris instantly feels all his blood rushing south.

He can’t believe it. He can’t believe he has Sebastian here, in his lap, looking like innocence and sin wrapped into one, looking at him through heavy lidded eyes like it’s Chris who’s something to be desired. And Chris wants. He wants so bad, with every fiber of his being, to have Sebastian right there and then, but he has just enough presence of mind left to know that they can’t rush this, can’t make any rash decisions they might later regret if they don’t talk about what’s happening first.

Words still seem impossible, however, so instead, Chris takes one of Sebastian’s hands in his and presses a kiss to the center his palm, hoping to convey with that one gesture everything he wants to say but can’t.

When he looks back up, Sebastian blinks at him, his eyes wide and stunned, before he suddenly grabs Chris’s face between his hands and starts planting breathless kisses on his cheeks, his eyelids, his forehead, and even his nose. Chris lets himself be kissed, basks in it, feeling like his heart might burst, and when Sebastian finally presses his lips to his mouth, Chris seizes the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Despite Chris’s best intentions, it turns heated again in no time. Without his permission, his hands slide under Sebastian’s shirt, stroking the smooth, warm skin of his back, while Sebastian mouths at Chris’s jaw, then trails a path of kisses down the column of his neck.

“Seb,” Chris groans, hands tightening convulsively on Sebastian’s waist. “Sebastian, wait.”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” Sebastian pants, lifting his head to look down at him. He’s disheveled, his hair a mess, pupils blown, his lips red and a little raw from mouthing at Chris’s beard. He looks stunning.

“Jesus, you’re beautiful,” Chris says honestly, touching Sebastian’s left cheek.

Sebastian ducks his head turning his face into Chris’s palm, but he’s smiling, which makes Chris smile, too, then they’re just smiling at each other like a couple of dorks.

Chris shifts their positions to get more comfortable, tugging at Sebastian until they’re both lying on the couch on their sides, face to face. Pulling him closer, into his chest, Chris swings a leg over both of Sebastian’s, and Sebastian takes the hint immediately, snuggling into Chris and tucking his head under his chin so they’re full on cuddling.

“Best fucking birthday present ever,” Chris mutters into Sebastian’s hair, his hand tracing idle patters on Sebastian’s upper arm. In reply, Sebastian presses a kiss to Chris’s chest, over his heart.

Somehow, they snooze for a little while, just drifting in and out of consciousness, neither of them seeming to want to untangle themselves from the other, until after an indeterminate amount of time, there’s a soft knock at the door.

Chris hums questioningly in reply, not wanting to wake Sebastian, and the door opens cautiously. Lisa pokes her head in again, and the moment she sees them, all wrapped around each other like that, she covers her mouth with her hands, cooing softly.

“Happy Birthday, baby,” she whispers, her eyes shining with affection and pride.

“Thanks, mom,” Chris whispers back, blinking back tears. “Love you.”

From where he’s half asleep on Chris’s chest, Sebastian murmurs, “Love you, too.”

[skycollides]

Hi bubba!❤️ I really hope you’re well and happy! I’m falling in love with your fics😍😍 your writing is honestly remarkable!! I wanted to request for ez if that’s okay? With “You love her don’t you?” “is it that obvious?” It can be an angsty or fluffy ending whatever you think fits best!! Thank you so much🥰❤️❤️

Hey sweetheart! Thank you for all the love and support from day one! I love and appreciate you❤️❤️

I really hope you enjoy this one 🥰😘

No risk no fun

Ez x Reader

Authors note: I apologize in advance for grammar mistakes

English isn’t my native language.

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist.

Warning: swearing, a little heartache, happy end

Words: 1.981

Ez’s Pov:

Another night at the clubhouse. Another party takes place and Ez can’t take his eyes off you. From the moment you walked in he was practically hypnotized by your beauty which was pretty obvious to Angel.

’’Hey little brother!’’ no reaction from Ez.

’’Ey earth to Ezekiel’’ he says smacking his head. Ez’s hand finds its way to the spot Angel hit him rubbing it.

’’Ouch. What was that for Angel?’’

’’Since you weren’t reacting I had to do something to get your attention. It’s hard to catch nowadays when my sweet Y/n is in the same room. Oh and by the way it’s really starting to become obvious. Bishop noticed too. You love her don’t you baby brother?’’

’’Is it that obvious?’’ 

’’Well only me and Bishop noticed so it isn’t that bad but dude if you love her you gotta tell her. You know I have this thing going on with her best friend and she told me that there is this guy, co-worker of hers who’s trying to get her attention he already asked her for a date so you better step up your game before its too late.’’ Angel tells him.

’’Why the hell would I tell her and make things awkward when she’s already seeing this guy? I lost my chance it’s better that way. She deserves better than an outlaw biker who murdered a cop. If you excuse me now I need to get new beer.’’ with that being said Ez leaves Angel there standing by himself.

Angels Pov:

‘‘Hey Y/bf/n baby. Come here.’’ he says standing at the door of the clubhouse. She leaves you and Letty and heads outside with Angel.

’’What is it?’’

’’Listen I need you to be honest with me. Do you promise me to tell the truth I need to ask you something important?’’

’’Sure. Just tell me what’s up?’’

’’Does Y/n have feelings for my brother?’’

’’Angel I can’t’’

’’What do you mean you can’t? You fucking promised me. Please I beg you.’’

’’Fine. Yes , yes she does. Why?’’

’’Yes I knew it! That’s fucking awesome. Listen baby I need your help. Ez loves her. I’m surprised you didn’t notice him staring at her all the time. We need to make this happen. My baby brother deserves to be happy after everything he went through with Emily. You simply need to convince Y/n not to go to the date with that guy and leave the rest to me okay?’’

’’Okay Angel. I hope this is working out or otherwise she’ll have my head for spilling her business.’’

’’As if I would let that happen’’ he says and kisses her head happy with the new information he now has.

A week later

Your Pov:

’’C’mon Y/n your co-worker is boring as fuck! He won’t make you happy.’’

’’And Ez will?’’

’’You’ll never now if you don’t tell him. Cancel the goddam date and come to the clubhouse with me. No risk no fun. Do you want to send the rest of your life overthinking what could have been between the two of you? Seriously he’s such a sweet guy you’d be perfect for each other!

’’Okay you win.’’ you give in defeated knowing that you will not won this fight and she is right. You can’t win without taking a risk.

You reach your destination about an hour later. Y/bf/n has texted Angel letting him know you will be there soon so when you get there he is already waiting for you outside.

’’Hey baby’’ he greets your bf before giving you a hug.

’’Hey Angel’’ you say.

’’Is everyone here already?’’ your bf asks him and he nods.

’’Yeah the party is started a couple of hours ago. Some guys from other charters are here so are Vickys girls. Well not everyone Ez went to his trailer shortly before you arrived. So let's go inside girls.’’ he finishes his monolog

’’Actually’’ you start 

’’I gotta talk to Ez first you can go in.’’ you say and your cheeks heat up being happy it’s dark so they won’t notice.

’’Go on. We’ll be inside’’ your bf says and they walk to the porch waiting there for what’s to come. Which you don’t notice since you’ve turned your back towards them. You open the door without knocking and go in there.

’’Listen Ez I gotta-’’ you stop speaking at the sight in front of you Ez only in his boxers laying in his bad with one of Vickys girls barely covered.

’’Y/n I-’’ he starts but you interrupt him right away.

’’I’m so sorry I- I should have knocked. I’m sorry’’ you say with a shaky voice literally running out of the trailer slamming the door behind you, tears leaving your eyes.

The door opens again and Ez come out now at least waking jeans.

’’Y/n wait! He says but you’re already in your car driving off.

Ez pov:

He turns around and sees Angel and his girls standing there looking at him. 

’’Are we going to finish what we started or what?’’ he hears a voice behind him.

’’Leave!’’ he tells her and she does as she’s told.

’’Are you fucking serious?’’ he hears Angel yell while he walking towards him.

’’What?’’

’’What? That’s all that comes to your mind genius? Crazy that a guy who’s as dumb as you got into a university like Stanford. You’re a fucking idiot that’s what you are. I told my girl to talk Y/n out of that fucking date with that guy so you have a shot. She convinced her to tell you about her feelings and you’ve got nothing better to do than getting your dick wet? I seriously thought you love Y/n but I guess I was wrong. My fault that beautiful and smart girl git her heart broken.’’

’’I do love her man! I had no idea’’ he says realizing he probably made the biggest mistake of his life.

’’Then do something about it brother! FIGHT FOR HER as I fucking told you before!’’

’’Ez that’s the key to her apartment. Please don’t fuck this up I want to see my best friend happy’’

’’Thanks guys’’ with that we walks to his bike and drives off.

Your Pov:

As soon as you get home you drop your heals in the hallway going straight into your bedroom jumping into bed and crying into your pillow. You can’t remember the last time you were hurt like this. You really thought you had a shot with him but it looks like your were wrong. And so was your best friend. With your thoughts running wild and all the crying you don’t notice someone coming into to the room. You only notice when the mattress moves.

’’I told you y/bf/n I fucking told you look where it got me!’’ you say with your voice cracking. You turn around and can’t believe your eyes. It’s not here sitting on your bed. It’s Ez with the most apologetic look on his face.

’’Get the fuck out of here. NOW!’’

’’I wont leave until you listened to me Y/n. Look I’m sorry you had to see this. God I don’t even know where to start. I better start with the fact that I’m completely in love with you. Head over heals. I know it doesn’t really look like it right now but listen. Last week Angel caught me staring at you again. And he asked if I was in love with you. He told me about your date with your co-worker and I knew I will never save a chance with you. I mean who am I? A outlaw biker who got out of jail couple months ago

because he murdered a cop. I mean come on Y/n. That guy has a stable job and is not in conflict with the law. I though you were better off with someone like him. I knew I lost so I tried to get over you with one of Vicky girls. I swear nothing happened. I know it looks bad but I couldn’t. You were on my mind the whole time sweetheart. I stopped her right before you walked in. I swear. I know that probably wasn’t the brightest idea to be honest. 

What I’m trying to say Y/n. I love you. I love you so fucking much baby. You had me hypnotized the moment I laid my eyes on you for the first time. I was blown away by your smile and your beauty. And girl don’t get me started on those beautiful eyes. But that’ not the reason I fell in love with you. That’s a lie it is a part but the main reason is your character. You are the sweetest girl with the biggest heart I’ve ever met. You light up my world babygirl. Please let me make it up to you. Give me a chance to prove that to you.’’ he ends his little speech staring down at the mattress nit daring to look you in the eyes.

’’Ez?’’ you say softly. No reaction.

’’Ez, sweetie look at me’’ and he looks up to you.

’’First of all you are literally the biggest idiot I’ve met. Seeing you with her fucking hurt me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt hurt like this before. I’m glad you didn’t sleep with her by the way. Listen Ez I love you. I don’t care that you went to jail. I love you for who YOU are. You are so much more than an outlaw biker Ezekiel. You are such a wonderful human being. I chose to become your friend for a reason. I love being around you. I love that I can have deep conversations with you. I love that you listen to me not matter what time it is. I love your kind heart, your humor and your smile. I swear you got me with that smile. I’m glad you’re here right now. Thanks for stopping by and telling m the truth. I love you too Ezekiel Reyes.’’ you say with a smile and before you can say anything else he grabs you by your neck pulling your face to bis before pressing his lips onto yours. Your hand fins its way to his cheek caressing it with your thumb while EzS tongs asks for entrance keeping the kiss as soon as you allow him. You’re the first one to release his lips to get some air. He leans his forehead against yours smiling at you.

’’Wow’’ you say.

’’Wow indeed. I cant believe I missed out on those soft lips for so long. Be my girl mi amor?’’

’’I thought you’ll never ask’’ you say laughing.

’’Yes I’ll be yours babe.’’ you say and kiss him again.

’’You’re going to stay here right?’’ you ask him hoping the answer will be yes.

’’Yes just let me call Angel real quick then I’ll join you in bed sweetheart.’’ with that being said he gets up from the bed gets undressed and calls Angel while you head to the bathroom getting ready for bed. When you leave the bathroom he’s laying in your bed still on the phone with Angel.

’’Ill see you tomorrow Angel. Bye!’’ Ez ends the call and puts his phone on the nightstand while you get into bed. 

’’Everything okay?’’

’’More than okay baby. Y/bf/n won’t kill me I guess that’s a good sign if you ask me’’ he says and you laugh.

’’Yes she can get quite protective to be honest.’’ you say cuddling into his chest. He wraps his arms around you pulling you closer before kissing your head.

’’I love you Y/n’’

’’I love you too Ezekiel. Sleep well my love’’

’’You too mi amor’’

Taglist:

@everyhowlmarksthedead

@mayans-sauce

@justatiredfool

@lovebennycolon

@queenbeered

@nadinesabre

@ocetevasgirl

@spookys-girl

@angelreyesgirl

[simply-sams-things]

Helloooo Hope you’re having an amazing day i loved shower with luke and since i saw you were accepting requests i was wondering if you could do one with 1D where the reader is one of them’s sister and she’s secretly dating one of them and her brother doesn’t know but he finds out and goes over protective of the reader. i’m really sorry if it’s too complicated. p.s. if there’s something you want to talk about i’m always there. have a great day.

Tag list:

@impossibleapricotlampbat

Umm hello YES i would love to do this my best friend and i were talking about this the other day and we just DIED becuase of it so im going to do it with liam and harry if thats alright with you and also im always open to talk :) I also just had coffee adn its 2pm were i live so im  pumped - Sammy

masterlist

Overprotective much?

Okay so maybe dating your brothers band mate wasn’t a great idea but you see at the time it was and you both wanted to keep it on the down low anyways because of his whole being famous thing.

You and liam had been dating for a year today, which has been an amazing year and you both are surprised on how well it had been kept a secret from everyone else, that is until about 30 minutes ago.

Since it’s your one year you both decided to order take out and stay inside your apartment for the weekend with no interuptions. You told your family that you were having a girls weekend with your best friend and liam told the guys and he was with his sister Ruth and her family for the weekend. It was all going well until your idiotic brother decided to crash “girls weekend”. Around 10 there was a knock at the door and thinking it was your best friend who said she was coming over to grab her stuff from a few days before you and Liam both walked to the door not expecting it to be your brother.

“Hey- OH MY GOD YOUR NOT Y/BF/N” You shouted

“Liam what are you doing over here at Y/N’s without a shirt. Wait. WHERE IS YOUR SHIRT”  Harry said as he stormed into your apartment. He started yelling at you both about how wrong it was to be together especially behind his back.

“You told me you were having a girls weekend and last time I checked Liam wasn’t a girl so tell me how long have you been trying to get in my sisters pants Liam!? Ever since we got together as a band because I swear to g-”

“HARRY” You shouted to shut him up. Harry was mad and it was understandable, but he was about to wake the whole complex up and you weren’t ready for another noise complaint just yet. “Liam can you go put your shirt on while I talk to him please?” you asked looking at your boyfriend who nodded and left giving you one last glance but didn’t bother to look at Harry who had been glaring at him since he walked into the apartment.

You looked at harry and gestered him to sit down on the couch and he di looking up at you. “Liam and I have been dating for a year Harry today is our anniversery thats why we told everyone we were doing something else so nobody could bother us.” he tried to cut you off. “But why-” 

“Harry don’t, let me finish, we wanted to tell our families at first but when we started to date we wanted to see where it would go becuase you guys were still on tour, and then tour ended and we got so used to being in secret that we decided that we would wait till after today.” You sat down next to him.”We wanted to tell you, mum and Gemma first next weekend and then Karen, Geoff, Ruth ,and Nicola after you guys and then the rest of the boys we were going to tell after them. Thats why this weekend was to ourselves so we can discuss how we were going to tell you all and also celebrate our 1 year. And i understand why you’re mad at him for dating me but Har, I’ve never been more happy with someone he makes me so happy and I really love him H. I haven’t been this happy in a long time and you know that. We saved each other in some type of way

“Just please don’t be mad at him, if you want to be mad at anyone let it be me I was the one who said yes to our first date a year and a half ago. He was so nervous Harry because he didn’t want you to be mad at him. So please don’t be mad at him.” You finished and began to nervously play with your hands while waiting for your brothers answer. 

“I’m not mad at you guys dating I’m upset because for over a year my baby sister has been happy and I couldn’t see that she that it was because of one of my bestfriends, and now that i think about it you guys make it really obvious, but if he makes you happy then i guess im alright with it also Liam you standing there behind us is really creepy mate” he said.

“Sorry” Liam said and sat down next to you and grabed your hand “but are you honestly fine with it Harry I mean I understand that because I’m your band mate but i really love her and I don’t wanna lose her” he was staring at you when he said the last part and yoy started to get teary eyed.

“Liam I’d rather have you date her than anyone else because i trust you” Harry explained “But that doesn’t mean I wont beat you up if you break her heart” He then got up and motioned for you guys to do the same and then procedded to pull you both into a hug.

“I could never break her heart H she means to much to me, if i did i would beat myself up for you”.

“Stop it you two before I cry even more” you chimed in giving out a watery laugh.

Harry let you go and headed to the front door, you and liam following along. “I guess i should say I’m sorry for sort of ruining your anniversery”

“I mean you sort of did but we forgive you besides its an all weekend thing for us, and Harry I swear if you tell anyone else before we get too I will murder you myself and blame Louis” you told him opening the door.

“Okay first off didn’t need to know what you guys are doing this weekend and second of all I won’t buggy, I trust you guys will when you are ready, Oh and also does Y/BF/N know? Because I really can’t have them winning-”

“Seem’s you’re already losing Harold”  Y/BF/N said giving him a smirk. “I’ll get my sytuff some other time Y/N it’s not really important. Come on Harry lets leave the gross in love people alone” They said grabing his hand and walking away with Harry shouting

“HAPPY ANNIVERSERY YOU GUYS LOVE YOU BOTH AND hey will you let go of my hand- BYYEEEEE” you closed the door and laughed alongside Liam.

“You do know that if he told us to stop I wouldn’t have never let that happen right?” Liam asked after the laughing fit calmed down, you turned to him and went on your tippy toes and gave him a kiss.

“I know which is why everytime I say I love you I truly mean it bubs”

“I love you too my love” he leaned down again and kissed you and then he playfully grabbed your butt and you shreiked into the kiss and he started to laugh your favorite laugh.

////

I hope you like this i honestly had so much fun writing this ! - Sammy

also i didn’t read through it so there probably is a lot of spelling mistakes oops

[luckysevenwrites]

Make This Work

You and Yoongi have broken up and even though you two are no longer together you can’t help but still have feelings for one another. The thing is though is love enough or are you two just not meant to be?

This is just the first part I will be posting the second half within the next few weeks!

You watched as Yoongi stood with the rest of his members listening to them talk. He held his glass of champagne in his hand, other hand in his pants pocket. Every once in a while, he would nod his head at something one of the members said. He looked good and you were glad. The last time you had seen him he had dark circles under his eyes and was living off ramen. Now, he looked healthy and you were glad to see that he was smiling. It was not his beautiful gummy smile but a soft upturn of his lips.

           “Do you want me to go and spill my drink on him,” your best friend questions as she comes to stand next to you and glares at Yoongi.

           You figured if she could have figured out how to make lasers shoot out of her eyes or how to kill a person with one look Yoongi would be on the receiving end.

           “I’m good, thanks for the offer though,” you tell as you turn away from Yoongi and focus on your friend.

           “I don’t know how you can be so calm. You are a much bigger person than I am. If my ex was in the same room as me looking like nothing was wrong, I would lose my mind.”

           Maybe she was right maybe, you should be mad at Yoongi and want to spill your drink on him. OR to go over there and make a scene by screaming at him and calling him every horrible name you can think of. He was the one who broke up with you, not the other way around. Which meant you had every right to be angry at him. But, try as you might you couldn’t bring yourself to hate Yoongi. When he had ended things with you it hurt of course, you loved him and wanted to be with him. It still hurt that part you weren’t going to lie about. The thing was though you didn’t want him to be unhappy and if you made him unhappy then he shouldn’t stay with you. Just because he made you happy and you loved him didn’t mean he had to feel the same way.

           You wished that he did that he was crazy in love with you and the idea of not being with you drove him crazy but, that wasn’t the case and you weren’t going to make him stay with you. You loved him and wanted him to be happy, so you let him go. Even though it hurt, and you missed him all the time, you still let him go and you did not have any ill will towards him. Your friends of course thought you were crazy for not wanting to kill him or for not curling up into a ball and refusing to leave your bed. That wasn’t you though instead you kept it all inside and went on living.

           “He’s looking at you,” Kaylee looks over your shoulder and gives her best glare yet.

           “Kaylee it’s fine. We ended on good terms just leave it at that.”

           “Say’s you, you say your fine but I’m your best friend and I know when you’re hurting. Even though you are going around acting fine and living your life. I know that you still love him and not being with him hurts you.”

           “You’re right it does hurt but it’s because I love him and want the best for him that I don’t hate him. And I would really like it if you stopped trying to kill him with your death glare.”

           “Fine,” Kaylee huffs, “but I hate him and I’m going to hate him enough for the two of us.”

           “If that is what will make you happy go for it,” You tell her before downing the last of you drink.

           “Be back I need a refill.”

           You don’t wait for her to reply and start to weave your way through the crowd to the bar. You push your way through people and soon find yourself pushed between Johnny and Taeyong. The two smile down at you and move to give you some room.

           “Y/n,” Johnny smiles, “we were wondering if you would be here. Which group are you working with this time?”

           Johnny questions, you had been the photographer for the last album and loved working with the group. You had started off small but now were one of the most sought-after photographers when it came to doing photo shoots or concert shots of kpop idols. It was how you and Yoongi had first met. You did one of his very first photoshoots. It was a new experience for the both of you and you ended up bonding over both being new to the business.

           “I’ve been working with Ateez. They are a fun group. You better watch out Johnny they might be more photogenic then you are,” you tease.

           “Impossible, no one is as photogenic as me, tell her Taeyong,” Johnny demands and the two of you just laugh at him.

           Your drink is placed in front of you and you quickly reach out for it and take a sip. You hear Johnny being called and before he leaves he gives your arm a squeeze leaving you and Taeyong along. He studies you for a few moments and you start to squirm. He continues to watch you and you bug your eyes out at him.

           “What!” you exclaim.

           “Just wondering how you’re doing,” Taeyong shrugs.

           “I’m fine I really wish everyone would stop asking me how I’m doing,” you grumble and take another drink. You should slow down with the way you’re downing drinks you’re going to be drunk in no time.

           “Y/n I like to think that after the many times that we’ve worked together we’ve become friends and that means that I’m allowed to be worried about you,” Taeyong gives you a look that says you need to just accept that he is going to be concerned about you and there is nothing you can do about it.

           “Well, I’m fine.”

           “Alright good. Just so you know I get it,” you looked over at Taeyong questioning what he meant. He got what?

           “I get how annoying it can be with everyone asking if you’re okay. I get what it’s like to break up with someone and to still love them and not hate them. To want them to be happy even if they aren’t with you. And I get hurting but also being fine at the same time.”

           You were not expecting that out of Taeyong. For as long as you knew him you didn’t even know that he was in a relationship with someone or that, that someone had broken up with him. Which in your mind was crazy because why would you break up with Taeyong he was one of the best people you knew and anyone who was dating him would be lucky. You also didn’t expect for him to understand what it was like to love someone and still be hurt by them.

           “I don’t know what to say,” you answer honestly.

           “You don’t have to say anything. Just know that I get it. Yoongi’s not a bad guy and just because you two didn’t work out doesn’t mean you have to now hate him. It’s okay to still care about him,” Taeyong finishes the last of his drink, then gives you a small smile, “If I was a betting man, I would bet that Yoongi still loves you too. It just might be that love isn’t enough or that you two need to grow into who you are more before you can be together.”

           With that Taeyong leaves you with your drink and his words. You ponder over what Taeyong has said. Could it be that love isn’t enough to make a relationship work or could it be that the two of you need to grow more and find out who you are as individuals before you can be an us.  Either way Taeyong’s words make you feel better and not like you’re a fool for still loving Yoongi.

           You wonder through the room looking for your y/bf/n and hoping that she’s not hiding in the shadows plotting revenge on Yoongi. You find her chatting with a group of other make up artist and join them. You enjoy talking with them and laugh about some experiences you shared together. Y/bf/n soon tells you that she is taking off, she never was a night owl and you walk her to her car then rejoin the party with the promise of calling her tomorrow to get together.

           It isn’t until later in the night when the event is dying down that you are approached by Yoongi. You were talking with a member from a soon to be rookie group and were excited that you would be getting to work with them from the start of their career. It is while talking to them that you notice the rookie’s eyes going wide and he looks at the person behind you. When you turn around you see Yoongi standing close behind you, he’s shifting side to side and you remember that he probably think you hate him and is nervous to talk to you.

           “Hi Yoongi,” you smile at him hoping he understand that things are good, “how has your evening been?”

           “Good Y/n, I was wondering if I could steal you away for a few minutes.”

           “Sure, excuse me,” you turn to the rookie then back to Yoongi and follow him out of the event room and to the balcony. Once outside you close your eyes take a deep breathe, enjoying the cool, crisp, air. When you open your eyes and turn to face Yoongi you almost jump. He’s watching you with those soft eyes that he used to give you all the time when you did something, he thought was cute.

           “What?” You question.

           “Nothing just forgot how cute you can be sometimes,” Yoongi smiles.

           “Right, anyway what did you want to talk about?”

           “I just wanted to see how you were doing. I know that we both agreed on the breakup but…I just…I just…” Yoongi struggles to find the words that he wants to say. He doesn’t know how to tell you everything that he is feeling. He sometimes doesn’t even know what he is feeling.

           “I just wanted to make sure that you were okay and know that I didn’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want you to hate me. Because I don’t hate you, not even close and it would kill me to know that you hate me and that you’re hurting and it’s all because of me.”

           Yoongi continues to ramble on and you know that you should stop him but this is the most that you have ever heard him speak about his feelings that your in shock and just let him keep going. It isn’t until he starts to repeat himself that you finally stop him.

           “Yoongi I don’t hate you,” you blurt causing him to stop his ranting, “I don’t think I could ever hate you. Am I hurting yes, because I care about you but I’m okay and I don’t hate you.”

           It’s like the weight of the world is lifted off of Yoongi’s shoulders. He let’s out a deep breathe and his whole body relaxes. He moves towards you and before you have time to register what’s happening you’re in his arms and he’s pulling you tight into him.

           “Thank god you don’t hate me,” He whispers, you wrap your arms around him and squeeze him tight as well.

           “You don’t hate me either do you?”

           “No, I’ll never hate you,” Yoongi firmly states. For a few moments, the two of you just hold tightly onto one another. Yoongi is the one who breaks the hold first, he pulls back from you just enough so you can see his face.

           “Why didn’t we work out?” The hurt in his eyes makes your heart clench. You wish you had the answer, wish you knew how to make this all better.

           “I don’t know Yoongs. I wish I had the answers, but I don’t,” You whisper.

           “I loved you, I still love you. You need to know that it wasn’t that I didn’t love you,” Yoongi runs his thumb over the apple of your cheek. His eyes tracking the movement of this thumb before he looks into your eyes.

           “I loved you too. Still do. But a friend of mine said that sometimes love isn’t enough to make a relationship work.”

           Yoongi’s grip on you tightens for a moment, his jaw tightens, and you think that he’s going to walk away from you. That you said the wrong thing and made him upset. Your body tightens in his hold waiting for him to walk away from you. He doesn’t, instead his grip loosens, and he nods his head in agreement.

           “Relationships are more than just love. Do you think that means that we are just never going to work?”

           “I don’t know I was also told that sometimes you have to grow as your own person before you can start a relationship. Maybe we need to figure out who we are before we can make us work.”

           “I can agree with that. But, where does that leave us?”

           It was a good question. Where does that leave the two of you. Are you the couple that loves each other but just isn’t ever going to work? Or are you that couple that needs to be apart and find themselves, and then can finally come back together and be stronger than they were before. You wanted to be the couple that would make it. But, you just weren’t sure if that was who you two were.

           “I don’t know. What should we do?” Yoongi sighs and reaches down for your hands and entwines your fingers together. He brings them up between the two of you and kisses your hand.

           “As much as it kills me to stay this, I think we need to stay broken up. We should take time to figure out who we are and see if a relationship with one another is still something that we want. If we want this, we’ll find a way to make it work and what we had wasn’t working. Neither of us were happy.”

           “Okay,” you agree even though you don’t like it, “how are we going to do this. Check in ever week with status updates.

           “No,” Yoongi’s lips twitch and you smile back at him. “We need to actually stay away from one another and if one or the other realizes that they want to get back together or thinks that we won’t ever work we have to be honest and tell each other.”

           “What you’re saying is that we will both go on living our lives and if it happens, it happens and if it doesn’t, it doesn’t.”

           “Yeah I guess that’s what I’m saying,” Yoongi gives a humorless laugh.

           “This sucks.”

           “It does,” Yoongi agrees.

           “Yoongi,” you both turn towards Jungkook who when he sees the two of you stops in his tracks, “sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

           “It’s fine Jungkook,” you assure him as you gently pull away from Yoongi, “take care of yourself Yoongi.”

           “You too y/n.”

           With that you walk away from Yoongi not knowing what the future holds for the two of you. Before you can go inside and possibly never see him again, you turn around and call out to him. Yoongi turns completely towards you, while Jungkook gives you a side glance but tries to make it looks like he’s not paying attention to you.

           “I want to you know that no matter how this ends I don’t regret any of it and I’ll always love you.”

           Yoongi moves towards you quickly, you heard Jungkook call out to him but are only focused on Yoongi. Who waste no time in pulling to up against him again and attaching his lips to yours. You melt into him and wrap your arms around his neck. The two of you pour everything into the kiss and when you break apart your both breathing heavy.

           “I’ll always love you too.”

           Yoongi gently lets you go and opens the door for you. He turns you towards the door and guides you inside. You look over your shoulder at him and he gives you a small smile. You wish it was his gummy smile but know that that smile you’ll only ever get again if he’s truly happy and you hope that you’ll see that smile soon.

**

           “Hyung,” Jungook moves towards Yoongi watching him, as he watches you weave your way through the crowd. Jungkook was worried about his Hyung, Yoongi didn’t like to show a lot of people his true feelings, and with what just happened he didn’t know if it was a good or bad thing.

           “I’m fine Jungkook. You don’t need to worry about me,” Yoongi tells the maknae refusing to stop watching you until you disappear out of sight and he has no choice but to accept that he can no longer see you.

           “What happened between the two of you just now?”

           Yoongi didn’t even know where to start. When he first approached you, his only concern was making sure that you were okay and that you didn’t hate him. But then you had smiled at him and acted like everything was okay. You were being your cute self and he didn’t know if you were just faking it or if it was real. Then the next thing he knew he was spilling his guts to you and then you were in his arms. He missed having you in his arms, he didn’t realize just how much he missed you until he had you in his arms again.

           Then you had started talking about how maybe you two would never work out or maybe you two just needed some time to grow as your own person. He knew that what you were saying made sense while you two loved each other right now you were not good for one another. He was constantly locking himself in his studio and you were busy building your career as a photographer. You barely ever saw one another and that turned into you fighting. And he hated fighting with you. Then you had suggested one day that you break up. He hated having that memory of hearing those words come out of your mouth.

           “Yoongi we need to talk,” You were standing in his office. His back was turned to you and he was more focused on his work then what you were saying. Maybe if he was paying more attention to you he would have noticed the pain in your voice.

           “Just give me a moment.”

           “No,” you demanded, “we need to talk now.”

           Sighing he had turned around in his chair to face you. It was then he noticed how uncomfortable you looked and how you were avoiding looking directly at him. Instead you were looking slightly off to the side.

           “Y/n,” Yoongi had started.

           “This isn’t working, we’re not working. We never see each other and when we do see each other we fight. I can’t keep going on like this Yoongi. I think it would be best if we broke up.”

           Yoongi didn’t know what to say. He knew that things weren’t good between the two of you. You had been fighting more and spending less time with one another. He had just figured you two were going through a stressful time and everything would work itself out. You though felt differently and wanted to end things.

           “You want to break up,” Yoongi confirmed.

           “I don’t want to break up,” your voice cracked, it was then that you finally looked at him and he knew that you were barely keeping it together.

           “But, I don’t want our relationship to keep going the way it is. I don’t want to accept that I may not see or hear from you for weeks. I don’t want to keep fighting and then come to hate you one day. We need to admit that we’re not working and end this now before we really hurt one another.”

           Yoongi didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to break up with you but, you were also right. You two would go weeks without seeing one another. He rarely called or texted you and then when you were together you were fighting. You didn’t have a healthy relationship and it would lead to the two of you hating each other. And he didn’t want that as much as Yoongi didn’t want to he agreed with you, you two should break up.

           “Okay, Y/n we should break up,” Yoongi looked right into your eyes and he hoped that you saw how much it was hurting him to say those words. He hoped that you knew that he was hurting just as much you are.

           “Alright. I guess we’re done then.”

           “I guess we are.”

           The two of you just stood there looking at one another. Neither of you knowing what to do now that it was over. Yoongi wanted to pull you into a hug and tell you that everything was going to be okay but, he knew that he no longer had that right and he was probably the last person that you wanted to comfort you.

           “Good bye Yoongi,” you suddenly blurted then hurried out of his studio before he even had a chance to reply.

           “We talked and agreed to see if we have a shot at making this work or not,” Yoongi finally answered Jungkook while shaking off the memory.

           “Does that mean that you’re back together?”

           “No, we’re not back together. We just aren’t saying that we’ll never work out. We’re going to go on living our lives and if it happens it happens.”

           “But, you love Y/n and have been miserable without her. Why wouldn’t you tell her that you want to get back together with her?”

           Jungkook didn’t get it. Yoongi was crazy about you. Ever since the two of you broke up Yoongi had been locking himself away more in his studio and wasn’t smiling as much as he use to. Jungkook had hoped that with you being here tonight the two of you would realize how much you missed each other and would get back together.

           “I do love her and I wasn’t a good boyfriend to her. Jungkookie I have some changes I need to make in myself before I can be with Y/n. We deserve to have the best of each other, and we were not giving that to one another before. Now, we have a chance to fix that and I’m going to do it.”

           “So you are going to get Y/n back!” Jungkook couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face. Yoongi returned the smile.

           “I’m not giving up on us. Come on Kook let’s go home.”

           Jungkook watched his Hyung head back inside towards the rest of their members. Jungkook hoped that the two of you would be able to make it work this time, and that Yoongi would haven’t to go much longer without you in his life. Maybe it was the romantic side of him coming out but, Jungkook had a feeling that the two of you were made for one another.

[purplesurveys]

1262

o1. With which one of your friends do you spend the most time? With which friend do you spend the least amount of time? Would you like to change this in any way? I don’t really get to...spend time with my friends, in that sense. For very obvious reasons. But I talk to Angela and Reena the most. Andi and I talk a lot too, but not everyday. 

Among my friends, I probably talk to my college group the least these days, but that’s mostly because 2/3 of them are pursuing law school, and the 1/3 have jobs and are as busy as I am. We’re still as tight as ever and our group chat becomes active at least once a week.

o2. What four states in the USA would you most like to visit? Which four countries would you most like to visit? States: Illinois, Louisiana, New York, Utah. Countries: Malta, Switzerland, Thailand, South Korea.

o3. If you have one, how often do you watch your favorite television show? How long has this show been your favorite? I’m not a big TV person, tbh. The closest thing to my favorite would be Friends, which I rewatch at least one episode of once a month though I used to watch it FAR more often than that, hahaha. I think I first hooked to it...I wanna say 2018?Or 2019. Sometime in between those years. o4. Would it bother you if your boyfriend hugged other females (think hypothetically if you don’t have one)? Why or why not? No. He’s allowed to have girl friends. The only reason it bothered me when it was Gabie was because we were both aware that her guy friends were genuinely into her. I never channeled my annoyance towards her though; I was definitely more pissed off at those guys for not learning how to back off when needed.

o5. If you had snow-days as a kid, how did you spend them? Do you like the snow, in general? We don’t have snow, but our equivalent would be days off school because of a typhoon. Anyway, I just spent them lounging around and mostly watching stuff on YouTube. In college I was a bit more diligent and would use the extra time to catch up on readings.

o6. Do you know anyone who does hard drugs? Would you ever befriend someone that did? Not that I am aware of. I probably wouldn’t befriend someone who did if we weren’t already close, because there’s no telling what kind of influence they would be on me.

o7. When was the last time that you were afraid for your life? Did this incident change you in any way? When I was really sick back in May. Not really, I just wanted to recover as quickly as possible.

o8. Do you enjoy taking pictures? Is it just for fun, or do you make an attempt at actual photography? I didn’t then, but it’s something I’m trying to do more often now. I’ve realized I have very few souvenirs from the last few years because I barely took photos then, so it sucks not being able to revisit memories and ending up forgetting others completely. I definitely don’t plan to take it so far as taking photography lessons; taking pictures from my own perspective and in my own style suffices.

o9. Have you ever had low self-esteem? How is your self-esteem now? Yeah, sure. I had a recent phase of it because of the breakup, but I’ve recovered from it. My self-esteem is a lot healthier and more stable these days.

o1o. When you see someone sickly-thin, what is your first thought? Nothing for the most part, but I would obviously be concerned if that person was starting to show worrying signs of malnutrition. Idrk what you mean by sickly-thin.

o11. Do hospitals make you nervous? Why or why not? Do you have any bad hospital experiences? Not really, only because I’ve rarely had to go there.

o12. What did you dress up as the last time you went Trick-or-Treating? Who went with you? I went as Sofie, my old best friend from high school.

o13. What is one thing you miss most from your childhood? What do you miss the least? The part about having less responsibilities and more time to just have fun and do whatever I want. But I didn’t really have a picture-perfect childhood either, so my list of things I don’t miss for sure trumps the list of stuff I do miss.

o14. What would be the biggest challenge involved in raising a child at your age? How to send them to a good school because I don’t make nearly enough to afford tuition for another person.

o15. If you happened to get pregnant before you were ready for children, how would you cope? Do you think your parents would support you and help you out? I don’t know, honestly; and the thought kind of scares me. I know my parents wouldn’t provide support whatsoever, so I’d have to claw my way to find it from other people who would be willing. I’d probably need to take an extra job to earn enough money to support us both.

o16. Have you ever had unprotected sex? What would you tell a young teen thinking about having unprotected sex? Yeah, but I was also with a girl, so...idk. I don’t have a lot of sexual experience either so I dunno what sort of advice to tell a teen other than ‘don’t do it,’ lmao.

o17. What are some gender double-standards anger you? All of them. < Yes.

o18. Other than the usual qualities (honesty, respect, etc), what are some attributes you want your BF/GF to possess? Patience in the sense that I tend to be sensitive, so if they crack a joke that I ended up getting hurt or offended by, or if I get triggered by something minor that would otherwise be normal for anyone else, I hope they are patient enough to ride the wave out with me. I didn’t experience that with my past partner, and was often told to just stop being sensitive.

o19. Do you still talk to the first person you ever dated? If not, would you want to? Why or why not? No, because doing so is detrimental to my well-being.

o2o. Five years ago, what was the most important thing in your life? How about the most important person? My relationship, barf. Gabie, another barf.

21. How would you describe your sexuality? Have you ever wondered whether or not you might be homo/bisexual? I’ve stopped caring about it. I say asexual to people just so I have an answer to say.

o22. Do you think that homosexual couples should be able to raise or adopt children? Why or why not? Yeah...because I don’t see why they can’t be granted that right?

o23. Think of your worst fear. What would you do if you were confronted with it right now? Hyperventilate.

o24. If you were to become a vegetarian, what meat-product would you miss the most? Have you ever been or wanted to be a vegetarian? Chicken wings or sandwiches. I’ve thought about it before, yes. It’s too expensive a lifestyle where I live, though.

o25. Do you think that someone’s sexuality is something that they can control? No.

o26. What do you like most about your favorite animal? They’re very friendly and always down to play. :)

o27. What is your favorite way to eat your favorite food? How often do you eat your favorite food item? Eating burgers by hand is always the best. I have one maybe once a month.

o28. What is something you are craving? Will this craving be satisfied? KFC’S DOUBLE DOWN. I’ll get one next week, when I get my next pay lol. The rest of my budget this week is already allotted for my mom’s birthday/JK’s belated birthday dinner tomorrow.

o29. What is the largest number of texts you have sent in a day? Do you often text this much? Ooooh, I dunno. Maybe around 200-300 in a day? My ex and I primarily communicated through text whenever we weren’t physically together, which was often as we were both students in different schools.

o3o. Do you like the holiday season? Why or why not? What could be better about it? Some parts of it I like, some parts of it I don’t. The latter mostly stems from insecurities I will feel from seeing other families on social media, who always seem to be having a better and fancier time than I am. It’s why I usually deactivate during Christmas so I don’t get to see posts that can affect my disposition.

[shellyb04]

After watching kdramas on the streaming services I had, I kept seeing recommendations for weightlifting fairy, Kim Bok Joo.  So I found Viki.  Where I have been trapped, falling in love with a new show after new show ever since.

Shows and my ratings are below the cut.

Weightlifting Fairy, Kim Bok Joo Kim Bok Joo is a weightlifter who is finally realizing there’s more to life than just sports.  This features crushes, sweet sweet boys, wholesome ladies, and fluffiness. 10/10  This was SO GOOD!  IT still gives me the happiest of feels to even think about it.  I just fell head first into this drama.  If I had one, teeny tiny nitpick, it would be that I think the 2nd lead is a bit wooden in his acting.  I could never get a good read on him. Marriage not dating Fake dating-Plastic surgeon wants his mom off his back and to stay single.  He falls into real feelings.   10/10  I straight up love this one.  There's drama (the hair pulling in the mall made me shout with happiness).  I love fake relationship dramas and that is what this is, until it's not.  I just seriously adore this one. Princess Hours AU History, Girl finds out she’s engaged to crown prince in an arranged marriage.  She marries him and DRAMA ensues. 3/10  I liked parts of this one a lot, but I just felt like it dragged way too long and kept repeating itself.  Plus the 2nd leads Mom was horrible and I felt no pity for her ever.  The kiss in the middle between the leads was extra good though.

Goblin First supernatural kdrama.  An immortal can only die when his “bride” comes along to pull the sword from his chest.  He meets his bride and the Grim Reaper moves in with him. 9/10  It took me a bit to get use to this one as it was my first supernatural drama.  I had to look up some history for it, which I love doing so that was cool.  Once I was in though, the main couple HAD ME!  The Grim Reaper was also fantastic and I wanted more of his friendship with the leads. Super big BROMANCE in this one. I liked all the supporting cast members as well and the last few episodes had me legitimately sobbing.

What's Wrong With secretary Kim Secretary Kim is the perfect secretary until she quits and her boss will do anything to keep her (cause he loves her, but shh, don’t tell him that.) 10/10  The chemistry is on fire, the leads are amazing and I like the secondary and tertiary stories that are going on all around.  This just lit me up from within.  The only problem was I felt like the reveal of the flashback plot took a bit too long toward the end.

Full House (2004 version) Girls house is accidentally sold to famous actor.  Contract marriage ensues.  MORE FAKE DATING!! 9/10  I'm a SUCKER for fake married, so they had an easy lead. (Also a sucker for couples who fight to cover their feelings so add another check mark there) Once again, it took me a few eps to get into it, but once I did, the Main Couple were my jam.  Fighting to cover feelings is something that I understand and these characters do it in spades.  The family dynamic made me super happy as well.  My only complaint is I HATE HATE HATE the female leads “best friends.”

Fated to Love You Accidental pregnancy becomes marriage of convenience becomes so much more. 7/10  While a bunch of the side plots in this are super cringey, I bump it massive points for the middle to the end of the show.  Now do I think some of the stupidity went on a bit too long? Yes.  Just tell the woman you bought her painting and why!  Could have cut most of an episode out.  But the scenes with the Main Character talking to the baby…just ugh!!! And when I realized he had taken the baby furniture into his room….and eating cake with the baby!!  I was a mess for a few of those eps. Also the main guys laugh freaked me out. But be prepared to CRY in a few places.  

All I want for Love is You Follows a couple who go to school together and she follows him to medical school (even though she is scared of blood).  She’s a dumb jock, he’s a smart sweetie and both are crushing on each other, but hiding it. (He had REASONS, but bleh) 9.5/10  I love almost everything about this Cdrama except the last episode.  They cram months and years of stuff into like 5 seconds.  We don't have time to process that the lead character may be dead before oops nope he's back.  Now kiss and run off camera…what?? But everything leading up to that episode was so good.  The horrible were horrible, but ultimately slightly redeemable.  The main guys stole my heart.   It was everything, (just wish the last ep stuck the landing)

1% of Anything  Girl saves an old man, not knowing who he is.  The old man without her knowing makes her a condition of his will.  His grandson has to marry her to inherit.   9/10  Fake RELATIONSHIPS GIVE ME LIFE!  But seriously this one is pretty sweet, once again it does bog down in a couple of places, but overall, super sweet experience

Oh My Venus Girl who was super hot in high school gains weight and then gets dumped by her bf (of like 15 years).  She decides to lose weight.  Her trainer and she fall for each other in the process. 7/10-the Main relationship was great once it got going, but I struggled with the family/company drama.  I got slightly annoyed at the very end of the show when she was bigger again because of her pregnancy and the man wasn't cool with it.

Fight My Way Four best friends (2 girls, 2 boys) live in a apartment block.  Main leads are stuck in dead in jobs, missing out on their dreams.  But not for long.  Also they realize they are stupid in love with each other along the way. 10/10  A bit of a slower start, but after the like second episode I was in love with it.  I wish the girl's plot had been moved a bit faster earlier on, but overall, SO SO GOOD.  Although the ex-girlfriend in this one serves little purpose.  

The World Owes Me a First Love CDrama, Mobile gaming company CEO and his first employee fall in love while dealing with a new dungeon release for their game. 8/10  Perfectly lovely story with sweet people.  I was pleasantly diverted

Love in the Moonlight Historical Drama-Woman poses as man for plot reasons and accidentally becomes a eunich in the palace.  The Crown Prince falls for her anyway. 8/10  Apparently I really struggle with the historical dramas.  I liked most of this one, until the end when it got bogged down in its own plot.

Coffee Prince Girl poses as a guy to get a job.  The boss is super confused, but falling in love anyway. 9/10  A ton of sweet moments with some fake relationship and gender misunderstandings.  I really liked this one over all.  The moment that the main guy kisses the main girl (thinking she's a guy) is one of my favorite moments. Also a later kissing scene is in my top five favorite kdrama kisses.

You're Beautiful Once again, Girl poses as boy, this time as her twin brother, to help him get into a kpop group.  And while there...falls for one of the members.  The boys do figure it out fairly quickly and decide to help her.  6/10  Okay, but nothing special.  The main girl is good, but probably good she never played the brother.  But that was part of what made it weird.  We heard about the brother for the whole series, but we never saw any personality from him, just sort of heard about it.  And the 2nd female was super evil!

Drunken to love you My first Taiwanese drama.  Leads get drunk and married. They stay that way for the plot. 8/10  Stupid in all the best way.  It did drag a bit and the introduction of the character Daniel felt super forced.  Seriously just super campy and I loved it.

Master Devil Do Not Kiss Me Season 1  Cdrama. Poor girl moves into rich house and Rich boy falls for her (with mother rooting for it all)   1/10  The dubbing was bad, the music was bad, the acting was atrocious and I barely made it though and could not do the second season.

My Princess 9/10 Normal girl finds out she's the Princess of Korea. Love the main couple. A few confusing plot bits in the middle and the two politicians add very little to the story. Ending was a bit confusing, is she still the princess or not? Mask 7/10 Woman is forced to take the place of her doppelganger and falls in love with her new husband. melodrama Main couple is too precious for words. Their romance is wonderful. The 2nd leads (and villain couple) are delicious. The sister is layered and understandable while the man takes moustache twirling to a new meaning. Suspicious Partner 10/10 Law student accused of murdering exbf, works with Prosecutor who loses his job over her case. They fall in love and solve murders. Also Super Adorable and ridiculously attractive. A few slow moments made up for by some really intense ones. Could have probably been tightened up into fewer eps, but all bad points made up for by supporting office characters (Investigator Bang and the CEO are the BESTEST)  Bromance!

And that’s what I’ve seen so far.  Currently watching Touch your heart.  Will let you know how it goes!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #381

“don’t try to be the one person who has stayed just to say they never left me”

Do you feel bored with your life? Always. Do you miss anyone who was mean to you in the past? I sometimes miss Colleen, but I know it's for the better that we no longer associate with each other. What’s the most weight you’ve ever gained from a medication? I don't know, but a fuck of a lot. Thanks, Abilify. Have you ever been suicidal? Yes. Do you pray? If yes, to whom? No. What do you miss about high school? Memories with Jason. What do you miss the most about college? Socializing. What was the best date you’ve ever been on? A triple date to an arcade w/ Jason and friends. What’s the last great song you discovered? The most recent one? I don't know, really. Do you feel free to post how you feel on Facebook? Yeah. Don't like what I post, delete me. Have you ever done cocaine? Yikes, no thanks. Do you think you’ll ever get married? Do you want to? I sometimes wonder if I ever will. I'm scared of just continuing to be an unemployed leech that is doing nothing significant with her life, in which case it's like, why even be with me romantically. I feel like such a dead end street. I want to get married someday. Who do you care about the most? When it comes down to it, probably my mom. Have you ever made out on a couch? Yeah. Would you ever get gauged ears? I want small gauges, actually. When it comes to clothing, are you the conservative type? Yes, because I hate my body and don't want others to see it. Do you enjoy eating? I wish I didn't. Have you ever ridden in a race car? No. Do you go out of your way to impress the opposite gender? No. Do you enjoy history? Not really, no. It bores me. Are you a pajama person or do you stay dressed all day? I'm just about always in my pjs. Do you value looks or personality more? Personality is way more important. Have you ever changed religions? Yeah. Born Roman Catholic, converted to Christianity when I further understood the differences, then I went to how I am now: I believe in something(s), but I don't quite know what. I wouldn't call myself a Neo-Pagan, but it's what I relate most to. Would you ever wear fake eyelashes? I would for like, my wedding. Foo fighters vs. Red Hot Chili Peppers: I'm actually not a big fan of either. Are you a fan of the SAW movies? I don't really watch them. Do you ever forget how old your siblings are? My two immediate sisters, I'm sometimes a year off. All my others, yes. :x Mountain Dew or Sprite? Mountain Dew, of course. I really don't like Sprite now, which is ironic because as a kid, it was my favorite soda. Could you ever give yourself a shot? Yeah. Have you ever worked as a cashier? That was one of my duties when I worked at a dollar store. If you are on birth control that allows you take pills and skip your period, how often do you opt to skip it? How come? My birth control doesn't allow me to skip, but rather, it regulates it. Is there a book series where you loved the first book, but for some reason the other books in the series just didn’t measure up? I can't say that, no, as most series I just kinda fell out of, like The Hunger Games. LOVED the first book, started the second, and even though I was enjoying it, I just stopped for some reason? Are there any stores/restaurants that you would like to shop/eat at, but there aren’t any located near enough to you? Haha yeah, like lots of west coast fast food places like Jack n' the Box or however it's formatted. If you were told by a professional that you were unable to become pregnant, how would that affect you? Is there something important to you about conceiving a biological child rather than adoption? And finally, if you even want to have children, would you choose adoption or surrogacy or would you go on childless? I don't even want kids, so honestly, I'd be stoked if I learned I was infertile. Wouldn't need to worry about the chance of getting pregnant and facing an abortion dilemma. Is there something that you did not used to take seriously, that you either now take seriously or wish that you had in the past (e.g., a relationship that you miss, your education, etc.)? Hm. I don't know. Are there any subjects that you are interested in so much that you would read whole books or academic journals about them? Meerkats, especially. I will read EVERY scientific article about them I find. Are you physically affectionate with your friends? I'm a hugger. When you were in middle school and high school, did you witness a lot of bullying? How did the teachers react to name-calling or violence? Not really, thankfully. Are any of your friends/relatives actually impressive artists or writers? Are you willing to share an example of their work? Yeah. I have a cousin who's really good at drawing, and my sister is a wonderful cake decorator. Do you drink more apple or orange juice? Orange. Could you forgive your best friend for sleeping with your gf/bf? My hypothetical bf/gf, no. Would you ever donate blood? I have before, and I would again if I knew I was hydrated enough and the opportunity was right there. Would you rather drink coffee or tea? Ugh, neither. Do you get easily embarrassed? YES. How long was your longest make out? TMI alert, like all night. If the person who hurt you most said they’re sorry would you believe them? I honestly don't know. Do you have sensitive skin? Very. What color is your mum's car? White. Do you live in an apartment? No. Do you have a pet fish? Nope. Are you happy with your eye color? I wish they were a more sapphire blue. Solid soap bar or liquid body wash? Absolutely liquid body wash. What color do you want your dream car to be? Baby pink. *-* Do you have more then one favorite band? I say I do, but at the same time I know Ozzy Osbourne will ALWAYS be #1. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship? In a relationship. But it's absolutely not something I'm about to force just for the sake of being in one. Would you be really upset if Facebook ceased to exist tomorrow? Nah. Have you or would you try shark meat? No to both. Do you know anyone that's pescatarian? No. Someone I watch on YouTube is, though. Are you shy or over confident around your crushes? Super shy. Do you think the govt. has a cure for cancer, but is hiding it from public? Hell, I think it's very well possible, but I lean more towards for financial hoarding, they simply don't further pursue potential cures that are discovered. I mean, just THINK about all the "future cures" you've read or heard about. It's fucking outrageous. It's all to fuel the medical industry. Okay, tin hat coming off. Last time you drank a diet soda? A very long time ago, because diet soda gives me a massive headache. Was your ex born in America? Only one wasn't. Name your favorite type of music and why. Metal. I for one just like the sound, and I find it very therapeutic when I'm especially mad or sad. Even when I'm in a good mood, I just enjoy it. I also feel that a lot of metal songs tell interesting stories and/or have very poetic lyrics. Do you own or have you read, or thought of reading any self-help books? I haven't, but I've considered it. Can you breakdance? Definitely not. Have you ever read a book and not understood it? If so which one? Yes. We were assigned this one war novel in middle school that was FUCKING AWFUL, like I was checked out the whole time. I don't remember its name or anything. Have you ever watched a movie and not understood it? If so which one? Yes; the Warcraft movie I mentioned in a recent survey. Orcs and their fucking deep-ass voice that I couldn't understand. Do you blowdry your hair? No. Tell me about your dream last night. Omfgggggg y'all. So, there's one invert pet that I've never understood the keeping appeal of, and that's giant centipedes. Their bites are notoriously excruciating, and they are just SO goddamn fast. Well, for some godforsaken reason, I wanted one as a pet. Got one, and it immediately got loose. Guess who wanted to shit herself lmao. Centipedes are very cool, but only from a distance, ya feel? Have you ever stayed in a fancy high-class rich hotel? No. Have you ever stayed in a rent-by-the-hour motel? I don't think so. Describe the worst fight you’ve ever been in whether physical or verbal. I'm not entirely sure about my *worst*, but I know it was with Mom. We've had a few. Have you heated any food in your microwave today? Yeah, a shrimp alfredo Lean Cuisine bowl. Do you own any items of clothing with cartoon characters on them? Yes. Have you ever played Animal Crossing? No, it doesn't seem like my kinda game. Do you own anything (e.g jewelry, accessories) with your initial on it? Yes, but none of which I personally bought because I don't really like them. Do you own any cats or dogs? What are their names? I have a cat named Roman. <3 Have you added any books to your shelves lately? Which? No. Have you bought any new cosmetics or toiletries lately? Which? No. Do your pets have a specific type of food that they prefer? Roman will eat whatever cat food he's given, while Venus, like your average ball python, is a picky eater. Like when I first got her, she wouldn't eat for almost a year because I just couldn't find a method through which she'd accept food. Now she consistently takes frozen/thawed small rats that have actually sat in warm water (versus doing it by hand under running water), and she generally won't strike it unless it's offered to her by tongs, but not dangling by the tail. Picky, picky miss thang. What's your favourite variety of apple? I'm not very particular about flavor so long as the apple is crisp. I canNOT do soft apples. Which of your physical features do you receive the most compliments about? My hair.

[entriesfromangels]

Journal Entry (#17) ~

/// tw: mention of self-harm

Well i sorta have an update for you guys.

A few days ago i had a mental breakdown. Over what you may ask? Well just a lot of things...

1. two of my closest friends decided instead of working on our problems together, it was easier to just block me and avoid it all together. For my bpd and my past experiences, it has been hard to move on from it since they were such good friends. I know in my heart is was the right thing to let them go but i still struggle with it from time to time.

One of them moved with me from Texas to Washington state. Since day one she has caused drama with me, my bf and his friend. I have told her multiple times that we will try our best to include her in things but at the end of the day... she just couldn’t handle not being the center of attention and decided to leave. The reason for her even coming was to “protect” me from my bf who, for the 9 months we have been dating, has been amazing. But i understood that she was just being a good friend. it still doesn’t change the fact that she acted the way she did and isolated herself as soon as we arrived.

It sucks loosing people who were once close to you but if those people start to turn into someone completely different and someone toxic and unrecognizable... that's when the cord needs to be cut. I am glad i did, i’m a lot happier that i did but my heart still aches for the friendships that i had because at one point, they were important people in my life. Things change and people change and that's just how life is. i just have to understand that.

2. I was an americorps worker for a food bank and it was one of the reasons why i made the move to Washington. I thought it would be a wonderful opportunity for me and in the end i’m glad i took the position.

As the months went on, the more i saw how toxic the management was. The founder/CEO is the most manipulating person i have ever met. She would twist words, pressure you to say things you didn’t want to say and didn’t show any compassion for her employees. The work that is done there is awesome. They provide so many people with food and shelter. But this boss is something else. I didn’t expect the founder to be like this, so self-centered and egotistical. It was disturbing to be around. I wasn’t the only one feeling like this either. Other employees and the other americorps i worked with also felt the same and quit as did I. All the people i met while working there are all gone, except maybe for one person. It put such a strain on my mental health and really made me look at my values and integrity as a person. It was a hard decision to make but leaving was a good choice for me, despite not having income anymore.

3. That brings me to my next point.

Not having a job sucks. a lot. Especially during a pandemic and when i have a degree. Since i left, I have been doing instacart and that helps with rent and money for groceries. Of course its only temporary and can only help for a short amount of time. I am eagerly searching for jobs while doing instacart. I also decided to go into teaching so finding time to save money for grad school, having money for rent and paying other things i have to pay for is extremely difficult. Its just a lot of stress and pressure and the night i had my mental breakdown... it just all came down at once.

4. The final thing that is always constantly bothering me is my recent bpd diagnosis. I got the official diagnosis last year from my doctor. It has been really hard for me because i really don’t know much about it. Since then I have been researching and learning more things about it. I even bought some workbooks, books specifically about BPD and my bf also let borrow some of his self-help books. Its been hard because whenever something happens, it keeps going in circles, the same pattern. I start implementing these strategies, things go good for a while and then something triggers me and I start over from scratch. Its a vicious cycle and i’m FUCKING done with it. I’m done with giving up every time something doesn’t go my way or the way i want them to. Life isn’t perfect. Not everything is guaranteed. Its up to ME to make sure that i understand my journey and even though its hard, i can get through it. I’ve been at worse places in my life and this time isn’t any different.

I think the thing that drove me over the edge is that i was thinking of self-harming again. I went out of my way to get a rusty key and bring it with me into the bathroom. I had it on my wrist but something stopped me. Mostly it was the idea of what my parents would think, my boyfriend and where it would lead me if i started doing it again. The only people who know are my therapist and my bf. I know how i was when i was self-harming every time something bad happened. It wasn’t healthy for me then and it isn’t for me now.

The one thing i do have to remember however is i myself am in control of how i handle these situations. Not anyone else. Its really hard for me to accept that because i rely on so many people for my happiness when i’m missing the most important person: me

In my head it just seems selfish... to be putting myself first, you know? As i learn more and more about the disorder and how to overcome it, the more i’m realizing that it isn’t. Its not selfish to put yourself first or to take care of yourself. I’m starting to realize that... as hard as it is for me to accept.

                                                         ---

So after everything i’ve been dealing with, my bf suggested i take a break and go home to Texas for a while. So i’m doing just that. I know going home won’t solve all my problems but i am really serious about getting better. I am using this time to reevaluate everything, things that matter and putting into my head that as much as the people who love and care for me are important, that i also am too. Taking care of myself is so important, especially with bpd since this disorder can paint us in a negative light and we always think everyone is out to get us or tear us down. When in reality we are ruining our relationships and hurting ourself more in the process. We aren’t protecting ourselves... we are adding more damage than good. I’m excited to see my friends and family but more ready than ever to work on myself and continue the journey when i return home.

I got this 👍🏼

[arlocedwards]

╰ ✧ HARRY STYLES. MUSE NINE. PANSEXUAL ❞ say hello to the s club’s very own ARLO EDWARDS! a TWENTY-FOUR YEAR OLD, CISMALE that goes by HE/HIM pronouns. i heard they were voted BEST SHOULDER TO CRY ON in high school, which says a lot about them because they’re very IDEALISTIC and INTUITIVE, but watch out for their DETACHED and DESTRUCTIVE side as well. i hope they’re ready to take a break from being a MUSICIAN and finally get this summer started! ( kt / 24 / pst / she/her )

hiya! i am kt &+ underneath the read more is some info about my bb, arlo. ** insert clown emoji but make him yee-haw ** 

trigger warning : death .

NAME: arlo cornelius edwards. GENDER: cismale. PRONOUNS: he, him. AGE: twenty-four ( 24 ). BIRTHDAY: february 14th. ZODIAC: aquarius !! HOMETOWN: kent, england. ORIENTATION: pansexual OCCUPATION: drummer. LANGUAGES SPOKEN: english & french. FACECLAIM: harry styles ~ currently featuring long hair.  :’-) 

kt’s note: I KNOW THIS IS SO LONG, SO IF YOU DON’T READ IT, I WILL NOT GET OFFENDED. 

but, just read this so y’know what you’re getting yourself into when interactions open : death tw: arlo will be joining this summers reunion coming from his parents home, post-funeral, trying to escape boxing up his brothers stuff and wanting to not be pitied. :’-( my boy is going through it, so his typical behavior and personality is gonna be v muted for a while.

ᴀʀʟᴏ'ꜱ ʙᴀᴄᴋɢʀᴏᴜɴᴅ

arlo was born in kent, england. i know what you’re wondering, and yes, he does have an accent. :’-) his family moved to new york when he was five years old because arlo’s father was offered a high level position within his company.

arlo was born into a loving family, him being the middle child. he has two supportive parents, sasha edwards (his mother), & carter edwards (his father). there are two years separating him from both his older brother and younger sister. his older brother ( now deceased ) was named holden edwards, and his little sister is named ivy edwards. his older brother can be imagined as eric matthews from boy meets world ( at the end of the day, they were bffs ) & his little sister is quite literally cher horowitz from clueless mixed w/ a splash of bianca stratford from 10 things i hate about you  ( they are polar opposites which makes for a fun dynamic !! )

growing up, arlo enjoyed playing all types of sports - there truly wasn’t anything that he wasn’t really good at, and that’s simply because he’s always been such a competitive individual. he would go home and practice a skill or trick for hours in order to be able to come back the next day and whoop everyone’s asses. he will fight  you over board games and make alliances in monopoly to mess w/ you. 

his interest in taking up an instrument kicked in when he was seven years old. he and his dad were driving back from a hockey game together late at night, and his dad played him the song moby dick by led zeppelin & he knew it was something that he wanted to pursue bc “john bonham was a genius.” ~ arlo vc. and so his dad gifted him a drum set on his eighth birthday !! :’-) soft. but over the years he was exposed to other instruments and can also play the guitar, piano, and he has a nice set of pipes !! harry styles being his vc as well ~ makes it easy. he really wants to learn the saxophone tho??? don’t get him started - he will go on and on and on.

throughout highschoool ; arlo was a v dedicated student. although he’s a bit reckless and loved to goof off, he was always acing classes and applying himself. he genuinely cares for others, you could’ve seen his ass volunteering at a soup kitchen with his mom on sundays and what not! just soft things.

until now - now anti-soft. hard things.  sdgjdjgd okay, so, arlo is A Mess™️. and i say that with so much love in my bones. arlo is the type of friend that is honest, and all about tough love when it’s needed. he doesn’t mind getting into a fight or two if he knows its worth the outcome he’s envisioned. he will tell you when you’re fucking up, and if you’re throwing a punch as a result - catch him leaning into it. this ties in l8r !!

he’s just a bit desperate to feel against following the death of his brother & also post-break up with shanley? ( which give me one hot sec and i’ll go into those v soon ) but overall he just wants to feel like himself again, y’know ?? don’t we all. amen & what not. to break it down, he just feels so intensely that he ends up numbing himself in the aftermath of it all, and he’s sadly willing to put himself into harms way in order to get a bit of that - happiness / pain, it doesn’t matter to him as long as he no longer feels numb. so, if ya see him with some scrapes and stitches ~ MIND YA BUSINESS.

arlo’s lurve life : woo ! okay, welcome back -- let’s get into it. so shanley and arlo dated throughout hs and into their first year of college, for a whopping five years together before they broke up. god if you’ve made it this far, i applaud you...but hmu and let me know your fav color, okay? like and comment below ?? subscribe ?? thx. OKAY BACK TO BUSINESS. in case you’re wondering who broke up with who, gosh so nosy, let me just tell you ‘twas arlo. he did it, we can unfollow his ass now. BUT ~ he didn’t want to ? y’know. he felt like due to the long distance, she was missing out on college experiences and her waiting by the phone for him to call was just sad, and he felt guilty. he wanted her to enjoy her time and felt as if he was weighing her down. although he did try make an effort to fix this doing by visiting her that weekend at her university in chicago, but when he came across her with friends he felt stupid and bailed back to cali again. a couple months later he called her, hoping to apologize for his poor judgement and admit to his mistake of ending the relationship, but she wasn’t the one who answered the phone. arlo assumed the random guy who answered was shanley’s new boyfriend (although , he was shanley’s roommates boyfriend but my sad dumb ass boi didn’t know ). arlo only assumed the voice belonged to shan’s bf bc he swears the voice distinctly said “coming, babe!” ( although he did, just not to shanley) and ever since arlo’s been a bit jaded when it comes to romance. shanley called him back later that day, and arlo shrugged her off bc he was jealous af and drunk - claiming he “butt dialed her and it wouldn’t happen again.” :’-( since then they haven’t been in contact. 

he was so in love with shanley, and despite him being the one to end things, he’s never fully gotten over her. he’s definitely hooked up with other people, but my boy is not the committing type after that relationship. 

after high school, arlo attended stanford university, as they offer one of the best criminal law programs across the nation. wahoo ! yahtzee !

after graduating college, arlo moved to san francisco & moved in with ali !! they have a nice little place overlooking the golden gate bridge w/ quality acoustics for their creative music projects. / also where he currently lives !! :’-) we love a bromance.

while in san francisco, arlo attended university to continue on pursuing his law degree  and after two years was able to graduate with his juris doctor. 

TRIGGER WARNING : DEATH / CAR ACCIDENT / DRUNK DRIVING. the death of his brother is very recent, like four weeks ago recent. arlo and his brother were road tripping across the states back to their family home in NY to visit their parents, when a drunk driver struck the driver side of their vehicle, which on impact killed his brother. arlo has survivors guilt as a result from the accident. he and his brother had switched seats a couple minutes prior to the collision, after arlo had asked to switch with him in order to rest for a bit. :’-( miraculously, arlo was unscathed in the greater scheme of all things injury-based. he’s entering the villa w/ a couple broken ribs, broken left arm and scrapes/cuts. so plz sign his cast. 

post-break up with shanley, they had some type of unspoken agreement of trading off years of who gets to attend the summer( aka who has custody of the sclub ) and so last year, arlo did not attend. however, this year, they somehow got their info wrong about who was going / not going, so they have found themselves here at the same time. this being the first time they’ve seen each other since holidays during their first year of college previous to their break up. so get ready for some spice.

last summer, since arlo wasn’t attending the sclub reunion, he was taking the california state bar exam. which is only offered twice a year - he opted for the one in july and passed! :’-) he spent some time after the exam in europe with hastrid. <3

however, arlo will be joining this summers reunion coming from his parents home, post-funeral, trying to escape boxing up his brothers stuff and wanting to not be pitied. :’-( my boy is going through it, so his typical behavior and personality is gonna be v muted for a while.

ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴᴀʟɪᴛʏ

overall : arlo truly strives to be kind, and genuinely wants for everyone to get along. treat people with kindness and the like. he has the best of intentions, but often times that can get a bit muddled with the way he goes about things due to his chaotic energy. he will do anything to lighten a dark mood, and will sacrifice / throw himself under the bus if its needed. however, he also is the type to cause the dark mood depending on the day.

however rn, with his current state of mind, arlo is just going through the motions. numbing himself with unhealthy outlets and has a different type of mentality. definitely engaging in a bit of the more chaotic activities, as well as leaving everyone alone to their own vices as well. whereas his typical behavior would be more so attempting to lead them onto a better path if it meant well for their overall wellbeing. 

habits : smoking cigarettes ( ali likely nags him bc they aren’t herbal ) . staying up into the early hours of the morning, and yet somehow still an early riser ( hence, he drinks an absurd amount of coffee ). yeah, hence. - get it, from the house bunny? sdjfkngdg any who, he’s in a phase of numbing via alcohol and drugs rn. 

personality type : INTP - T / THE LOGICIAN

moral alignment : chaotic good

tarot card : the hermit ( currently )

character inspo : connor walsh from how to get away with murder, jess mariano from gilmore girls, & ambrose spellman from chilling adventures of sabrina ( literally his #1 ranked personality match on a quiz i took ) !! so, we have that ! and also a heavy sprinkle of seth cohen from the o.c.

ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ

the album ‘fine line’ by golden child, harry styles in this case will be used as a hc for arlo. arlo wrote and recorded the album - all songs included, with his muse being shanley over the course of the last couple of years. he’s just kind of been sitting on the entire thing, never really feeling it was the right time to release his work/side solo project...but later this summer, he may just leak it. :’-)

arlo is a vegetarian ! he has been since his freshman year of high school.

those who inspire him : roger taylor, mick jagger, alex van halen, john bonham.

LUNA : ali and arlo co-founded the band with friends edie dorn and guy perkins in junior high. playing gigs where they could as often as possible. arlo was on lead vocals, ali as lead guitarist, edie on bass, and guy on drums. although when it came down to recording and what not they seemed to bounce around when it came to other instruments - v experimental. the band took off in college, prior to something strange and over the years they’ve produced numerous albums and have won a couple awards. 

red roses are his Thing™️ ; fans of the band will walk up and hand him them. i think that’s soft. and i am here for it.

he loves fancy wine ~ he’s cultured.

fun fact : dirty dancing is v much so a sharlo movie. they used to practice and be able to successfully pull of the jump & lift dance move literally just for fun / bc they wanted to. after nailing the lift, they learned the entire dance - i can't. dfjkgndjkg SOFT.

arlo has all of harry’s tattoos !! makes it simpler, might add more along the way !! stay tuned, folks !!

also the ‘ h & s ‘ rings that will be seen in photographs later on are for his brother, holden, and bbg, shanley </3

arlo is a gucci enthusiast - having much of his closet filled with staple pieces over the years. to further his love for the brand, he was recently asked to be in an upcoming campaign for the fall season - he’s v jazzed about it.

ᴏᴘᴇɴ ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴꜱ

𝖌𝖔𝖔𝖉 𝖎𝖓𝖋𝖑𝖚𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊 ( open connection ) : with arlo being a bit chaotic in nature, he needs somebody that is likely going to steer him clear from all the ideas that’ll bring him to the brink of disaster. he’s impulsive and in that desperate attempt to feel again, he’s very likely to bring a bit of mayhem upon himself. so while they may constantly worrying and attempting to talk his ideas down, he’s trying to get them to go along with his plan. it may be rare that he actually takes their advice, but when he does it seems to be for the best.

𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉 / 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖋𝖎𝖉𝖆𝖓𝖙 ( open connection ) : these two know how to have a good time together. despite the amount of alcohol they are throwing back and the shenanigans they find themselves in as a result, this is a time where they also find themselves confiding in one another. if you look at their camera rolls, it’s likely they have tons of embracing and unflattering videos and pics of one another, in between their sob-worthy confessionals and venting/rants. these two trust one another, and although they love getting wreckT together, they find themselves discussing very raw and personal details.

open to other connection you may have in mind! :’-)  LMK!!!! <3 i love me some chemistry !!!

ᴛᴀᴋᴇɴ ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ( featured on arlo’s connections page here !! )

𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖘 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖇𝖊𝖓𝖊𝖋𝖎𝖙𝖘 ( taken - simon peralta ) : these two went through rough break ups of their own, and a rebound didn’t sound too bad to either of them at the time things started. it may not occur all the time, but they sometimes still find themselves offering up to one another. this occurred more frequently then any of arlo’s one night stands, obvi, but it never surpassed anything other than the physical aspect of their relationship. the nature of their relationship outside of the bedroom can go either way !!!  :’-)

𝖆 𝖇𝖗𝖔𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖆𝖌𝖊𝖘 ( taken - ali mallick ) : as if living together for the past two years wasn’t enough, ali & arlo are also roommates every summer that arlo attends the sclub reunions. these two are always laughing, and saying some ridiculous ish. you’ll likely hear loud jam sessions and howling laughter / the occasional excited shouting back and forth from their room in the late hours. they are truly nothing but a good time and tbh, they know it. that and the fact that they have the best hair in the villa. djfgnjkdfg FIGHT ME !!

𝖍𝖎𝖌𝖍 𝖘𝖈𝖍𝖔𝖔𝖑 𝖘𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖘 ( taken - shanley evans ) : these two began their relationship in their freshman year of high school - spending five years together before breaking up in their freshman year of college. * cries in sharlo * they were the “it” couple, no pennywise included … unless ? anyways, everyone thought that they were going to get married, and arlo was v much in love / thinking shanley was his romantic soulmate. yet when they did break up everyone was shookith - even the birds and the bees.

𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖞 𝖜𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖗𝖔𝖔𝖒𝖒𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖘 𝖇𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖒𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖘 ( taken - ali mallick , willow finch , sirena rose ) : these four formed something strange. arlo is the drummer of the group, and also writes some songs for the group. they’ve blown up over the years and are a quite successful group.

𝖛 𝖘𝖎𝖇𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖌-𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊 𝖗𝖊𝖑𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘𝖍𝖎𝖕 ( taken - sirena rose / willow finch ) : these two have a love/hate relationship, very sibling like filled with pranks, competition, teasing and playful banter. however, when it comes down to it they have so much love and respect for one another. they know that no matter what happens they will always have one anothers back and be supportive of the other. pure relationship.

𝖗𝖎𝖉𝖊 𝖔𝖗 𝖉𝖎𝖊 ( taken - delilah jacobs ) : ride or dies ! need i say more ?? these two have one anothers backs despite anything and everything going on otherwise. they play in to one anothers antics and enjoy one anothers presence as they can likely be seen dragging one another across town and causing a bit of mayhem together. you can catch them in their beautiful, bitch #1 & #2 tee's.

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖔𝖙𝖎𝖈 𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖕𝖆𝖓𝖎𝖔𝖓 ( taken - ramona verdez ) : it would be wrong to say one is the more likely the bad influence over the other, although arlo may just be. these two find themselves bounding into, well hell, ( i guess??? ) together. playing on one anothers impulsiveness and if one ends up in the back of a police car, the other is handcuffed to them. and yet despite the length of their potential injuries, they find themselves thinking of something crazier to subject them to the next time around. with arlo having his law degree, he’s always able to squeeze them out of trouble before it gets too serious, so trust - it’s ok !! 

𝖚𝖓𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊𝖑𝖞 𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖘 / 𝖕𝖔𝖑𝖆𝖗 𝖔𝖕𝖕𝖔𝖘𝖎𝖙𝖊𝖘 ( taken -  izzy de la rosa ) : these two may have ran in the same circle, but were complete opposites when it came down to their personalities / styles / perhaps even humor, so it was expected for them to stand their distance. however despite the odds, they just clicked !! opposites attract and what not, ya dig??  somehow their dynamic just works and they have a lot of fun together by introducing new things to one another.

[starmakerdotcom]

summary : it took a whole month for milo to realize that maybe dating a fan you meet out in public isn’t the best idea he’s ever had.

characters : zhao honghui , jung yeonwoo , lee hayoon , some of solar ensemble are mentioned

genre : fluffy at the start but it gets more angsty near the end

warnings : swearing , talk of sex , they do fuck but i ended up not including the smut , lowkey manipulation if you squint , overall this is what not to do if you have an idol bf

words : 3.9k

[ february 20th, 2020, smk building cafe ]

“so... remember when we were at the airport last week when our flight was delayed?”

“yeah, what about it?”

honghui fiddled with the straw in his drink, watching the liquid swirl around as he tried to properly string his words together, “uh- basically i- i kinda met a girl?”

yeonwoo nearly choked on her drink.

“pfft- how on earth did you meet a girl at the airport for the hour we were separated?”

“did you not see the vlog from that day?”

“who are you kidding? i don’t watch our vlogs.”

“i-“ honghui chuckled, “it sounds so weird. so when i took minjae and jihoon with me to get a snack-“

“and you brought me back a cold coffee.”

“yeah. anyways, this girl- hayoon- was working at the counter, and she recognized me. she said something like, ‘are you milo from solar?’ i said, ‘yep, i am!’ and she started talking about how big of a fan she was, which was cool because we don’t meet many fans out and about like that.”

yeonwoo hummed, running her thumb down the side of her glass, leaving a dry stripe down the center of the condensation build. “so...? don’t stop there, tell me more!”

honghui nodded hastily, “yeah, we actually talked for a few minutes while my drinks and stuff were getting made, and we got along really well. she ended up slipping me her phone number with the order. we haven’t texted much but i have her instagram.”

“you’ve gotta talk to her!” yeonwoo exclaimed, slamming her hand on the table with each syllable for emphasis, “she seems sweet, shoot your shot dude.”

“shoot my-? nevermind. maybe i’ll find time to talk to her when promotions end, i’m a little busy right now,” honghui said, “i mean, we’re all a little busy.”

“you’d better.”

“i will!” honghui exclaimed, slightly taken aback by yeonwoo’s pushiness.

[ april 1st, 2020, solar dorms ]

the only light in the room was coming from honghui’s phone screen, the brightness fully down but somehow still too bright. it may have been the middle of the night, but promotions had just ended and he was texting with hayoon. well, more specifically he sent hayoon a text fifteen minutes prior and was nervously anticipating her reply. which had yet to come.

[ honghui : hey hayoon! just thought i’d say hi because promotions are over now and i have a bit of a break to talk :) ]

sent at 12:03 am

honghui sighed dramatically, then paused hearing minjae stir on the top bunk of the other bed. he forgot it was the middle of the night and people were actually sleeping.

he was so caught off guard by minjae that he didn’t even realize for a few seconds that his phone had buzzed.

[ new message from : lee hayoon ]

[ lee hayoon : hi milo! what’s up? ]

he swore the room got a few degrees warmer.

honghui quickly typed a message back, subconsciously bouncing his foot under the cover out of what was most likely nervousness, excitement, anticipation, who knows.

[ honghui : just wondering what you’re up to ]

[ lee hayoon : well, right now i’m getting ready for bed because it’s late. why aren’t you asleep? ]

[ honghui : i don’t know, if you want to go to sleep though i’ll let you ]

[ lee hayoon : it’s fine! i don’t mind talking for a while ]

[ honghui : are you sure? i don’t want to keep you up too late, i’ve got nothing going on tomorrow but i don’t know about you ]

[ lee hayoon : you’re so cute. it’s fine, i’m serious! ]

honghui felt his chest swell, as well as a strong urge to squeal into his pillow. but he didn’t, because that’s weird, and there were people sleeping a few feet away from him. a cute girl called him cute, and that absolutely made his heart melt.

he kinda lost track of time texting her. before he knew it, it was suddenly 2am and they had plans to hang out that friday. he could barely keep his eyes open.

[ honghui : i’m about to pass out. want to continue talking tomorrow? ]

[ lee hayoon : of course! goodnight :) ]

after reading her final message, honghui shut his phone off and turned over, smiling to himself. he’d consider that to be a pretty good night.

[ april 3rd, 2020, a random street corner ]

honghui stared at his phone eagerly, waiting for hayoon to say she was around the corner. they had decided to meet up and walk to the park nearby, where a couple of her friends might join her later that day. he was hesitant to this idea at first, but hayoon assured him everything would be fine. he was in such a good mood though that he didn’t let it bother him, not even the loud incessant honking of vehicles going down the street or the rather smelly dumpster in an alley behind him would dare taint his good mood.

suddenly his phone dinged, and he looked down to see a text from hayoon.

[ lee hayoon : i’m right around the corner! are you here yet? ]

honghui smiled excitedly before typing a message back.

[ honghui : yep! i’m wearing a long coat and a bucket hat lol ]

just then, a girl in a cute sporty jacket and chunky white sneakers walked around the corner and looked at him. it was hayoon, obviously, with her hands in her pockets and a big smile on her face.

“hi milo!” she said, waving excitedly at him. one of the first things he noticed about her was how short she was, not that that was a turn off or anything, but he had a good eight inches on her with her shoes on, he suspected she’d be about yongmi’s height without them, maybe shorter. it was cute.

“hi!” he said back, “you don’t need to call me milo by the way, my real name is fine.”

hayoon giggled nervously, “i totally would, i’m just really bad at pronouncing chinese words and names.”

“would calling me hyunsu make it easier? it’s my korean name, i don’t mind.”

hayoon nodded, smiling, “that works a lot better, i’ll remember that.”

as they walked to the park, they struck up friendly conversation with each other, hayoon told honghui about her new job at a cafe her aunt owns, and how she quit her job at the airport cafe because the transportation was too much of a hassle. honghui answered some questions she had about what being an idol is really like, and how their living situation is and all that. he was really starting to like her, she was cute, sweet, and fun to talk to.

eventually they got to the park, there wasn’t a lot there, but it was peaceful. it had a sort of serene vibe, an oasis within the concrete walls of the city.

they found a bench to sit down on which they stayed on for a while, continuing their conversations from the way over there. honghui never thought he’d learn so much about someone in a few hours, but by the time they were done, he knew the exact ages of her parents and siblings, he knew she had a tank of five fish each named after one of her favourite foods, he knew that she counted the stars through her window every night to help her fall asleep.

eventually, hayoon ran into a few of her friends while they walked around the park, and she introduced him as “her celebrity friend”. he thought that was... odd, but he didn’t say anything. they were nice enough, they asked him lots of questions about what it’s like being an idol, and he answered what he was allowed to. but before he knew it, the air was chillier and the sun was sinking down lower in the sky, giving him a signal that he probably should’ve gone back already.

as the candy floss clouds bled into the sunset, honghui bid his temporary goodbyes to hayoon and her friends, promising that they’d meet up again that weekend.

“so, i’ll see you again this weekend, right?” hayoon asked.

“definitely,” honghui replied, smiling softly with pink cheeks.

[ april 11th, 2020, hayoon’s living room ]

it didn’t feel like it had only been a week since the first time honghui and hayoon actually started hanging out.

this was officially their fifth “date”, and they had been texting 24/7, or at least it felt like they were. things were moving really fast. the first two times, they were out in public, but then their time time hanging out, hayoon took honghui to her apartment after he had come to visit her while she was working. she still lived with her mother, she was only 20 after all, and she was gonna start school soon and couldn’t afford to live on her own. her mother was out late working most nights though, so honghui never saw her.

this time, they were at her apartment, sitting in her living room watching a show. the heat wasn’t up far enough and both of them didn’t wanna get up to turn it off so hayoon resorted to cuddling up close next to honghui under their blanket, which made his heart race faster than he’d like to admit.

he really liked her, he’d already admitted that to himself, he’d also admitted it to yeonwoo right before he left that day. he could hear her voice ringing in her ears, saying, “tell her! you’ve got nothing to lose! she’s clearly interested in you.” maybe she was right.

“uh- hayoon?” he blurted out suddenly.

she looked over at him, “what’s up hyunie?” right. she had a nickname for him. maybe yeonwoo was right.

“i- uh-“ he started, trying to properly string his words together, but not getting far.

she smiled, chuckling slightly, “you what? spit it out! what do you-“

“i really like you.”

hayoon stared silently at honghui, which didn’t make him feel any better.

“oh god, sorry, that was sudden,” honghui replied quickly, his cheeks reddening, “it’s only been a week, i know, if you don’t feel the same i underst-“

hayoon cut off honghui’s rambling by sealing the gap between their lips, pressing hers against his. honghui didn’t know how to react at first, but soon sighed and relaxed into the kiss. the kiss was timid from honghui’s end, while hayoon smiled into the kiss before slowly pulling away.

honghui stared at her, dumbfounded, “so... is that a yes?”

hayoon laughed, “you’re so cute. and now i can tell people i kissed a celebrity.” honghui laughed along with that, but the laugh wasn’t as genuine as he thought it’d be.

[ april 13th, 2020, solar dorms ]

“you did WHAT?!”

“it all happened so fast! i- we just-“ honghui stumbled through his words, trying to make sense of everything that happened the previous night.

yeonwoo, who sat at the other end of the couch he was on, sighed, “that was a bit of an overreaction. i just can’t believe you lost your virginity before- literally anyone in this group who hasn’t lost their virginity yet!”

“i- don’t say it like that!” honghui’s cheeks burned as yeonwoo laughed, “it just happened, one thing led to another, you know, isn’t that how it usually goes?”

he couldn’t believe he lost his virginity to hayoon. the night after they first kissed, he visited her again, they watched their show again, and somewhere in there they kissed again. somehow that led to them making out, and then somehow that led to hayoon taking her shirt off, and somehow that led to them fucking. like he said, it all went by really fast.

“i can’t believe this.” yeonwoo groaned, “it’s been just over a week!”

“me neither,” she raised her eyebrows at honghui, “i didn’t expect us to go that far in the first place. but we did. and now i’ve lost my virginity to a fan i met at a damn airport.”

yeonwoo knitted her eyebrows together, “so... does this mean you two are a thing now?”

“i-“ he paused. were they a thing? he had no idea, they hadn’t had a serious conversation about it- at all.

“i don’t know,” honghui said finally, “we haven’t put a label on it, i guess.”

“are you going to?”

he shrugged, “maybe, we’ll see where it goes.”

yeonwoo sighed, looking at the ground, “how did you lose your virginity before me?” she laughed, lightly kicking honghui in the shin, to which he just shrugged in response, his cheeks burning a bright shade of vermillion.

[ april 19th, 2020, hayoon’s work ]

honghui officially had a girlfriend, and her name was lee hayoon.

they made it official the day after honghui had that talk with yeonwoo. he met up with hayoon and they talked about what they were, and since then, they’ve officially been boyfriend and girlfriend. so far, hayoon had been nothing but good to honghui, aside from all the “i’m dating a celebrity” jokes, which honghui found slightly obnoxious, but he chose to ignore it, because he liked her.

the cafe was relatively empty that time of day, so he found himself a table near the front door to sit down at and to wait for hayoon to finish her shift. he couldn’t see out the window well due to the building condensation, but it was overcast, and it had been raining most of the day. but today, instead of the gloomy weather reflecting his mood, honghui was feeling pretty good that day, he’d had a good three weeks, and he couldn’t see anything changing that.

when he saw hayoon emerge from the employee’s room, he stood up to greet her, but as he was about to walk over to her, the door opened. he looked over to see a small group of girls walking in, who hayoon obviously recognized, because she waved to them excitedly when they walked in.

more of her friends.

honghui sighed softly, he liked it better when they spent time together alone, but hayoon always had her friends around her. he knew her as a very social person, so he never thought much of it, but she didn’t seem to be with her friends a whole lot outside of when they hung out. it felt like almost every date now there was at least one of her friends present in some way.

he wasn’t one to protest though, so he kept silent on the issue.

“hi guys!” hayoon exclaimed as she walked over to the area where they all stood, reaching up to placing a hand on his shoulder. “hi hyunie,” she whispered, standing on the tips of her toes to try and kiss his cheek. he was so much taller than her that he had to lean down so she could reach his cheek.

“hi,” he whispered through gritted teeth.

[ april 24th, 2020, hayoon’s work ]

honghui opened the door to the cafe very slowly, seeing hayoon behind the counter with her back turned to him. with a small bouquet of flowers in his hand and a grin on his face, he snuck up to the counter to surprise her. before he came to visit her, he visited a nearby flower shop and picked up a small bouquet for her, no occasion in particular, he just felt like giving her something.

he paused when he realized she was talking on the phone to someone. now, he was never a nosy person, but he couldn’t help but eavesdrop a little on the conversation she was having.

“no, not today... yeah, he keeps saying he wants to be alone with me... god no not like that! he doesn’t like when i bring a lot of friends along...”

honghui’s face fell as she continued.

“it’s not possessive, he’s a celebrity after all... i’m not just dating him because he’s a celebrity! i mean, that may be part of it... no, but-“

hayoon froze when she turned around to see honghui there. he quickly hid the bouquet behind his back.

“hi, hyunie! you’re early, give me a second-“ she spoke quickly before she went back to her phone, quietly explaining that she was gonna hang up. once she did, she turned back to the boy at the counter with a smile, “how long have you been here? hopefully not long so you didn’t have to hear me talking on the phone for so long. me and my friends talk a lot.”

he shook his head quickly, forcing a smile on his face, “nope. just got here,” he lied through his teeth.

“that’s good,” hayoon said, walking around the counter to meet him on the other side, “did you get me flowers?” she gasped, seeing the bouquet in his hand. he nodded quickly and held them out for her to take.

“i love them!” she exclaimed, kissing his hand because she couldn’t reach his cheek. he softened seeing her reaction to the flowers, a genuine smile creeping across his lips.

[ april 27th, 2020, hayoon’s apartment ]

when honghui walked in, hayoon was laying on the couch, watching tv like usual. he didn’t even say hi to her, he didn’t need to, he just walked over to the couch and climbed on top of her, his head resting on her chest. she eventually fell asleep, and honghui tried to, but he didn’t feel like sleeping and he wouldn’t be able to even if he wanted to. whether it was the late afternoon sunlight pouring in through the thin curtains or the tv blaring, something was keeping him up.

he perked up when he heard hayoon’s phone buzz from on the floor beside the couch, also waking hayoon up. she didn’t check her phone, however, instead she tried to get up. she didn’t get very far though, because honghui wrapped his arms around her waist.

“don’t get up, you’re warm.”

hayoon tried to wriggle her way out of his grasp, “i’m just going to the bathroom, i’ll be right back.” he made a little sound of disapproval, but let go of her, flopping back down onto the couch as she stood up and left the room.

he groaned when her phone started dinging constantly. once again, he was never much of a nosy person, but curiosity got the better of him. he peered over the side of the couch to see what was so important that they had to sent six messages in a row.

[ message from : bestie 👯‍♀️ ]

that wasn’t really much of an indicator.

[ bestie : hayoooooon ]

[ bestie : are you there?? ]

[ bestie : or are you with your celebrity boyfriend again lol ]

[ bestie : come on he literally takes up so much of your time talk to meee ]

[ bestie : i mean i get it he’s your boyfriend but you keep saying he’s clingy ]

[ bestie : he’s gonna get in the way of our friendship lol ]

he suddenly wished he didn’t read those texts.

he was already an over thinker, but that might made it ten times worse. did hayoon think he was clingy? he didn’t think he was that clingy, but how clingy was too clingy for hayoon? he rolled on his back, sighing loudly, maybe it was just a misunderstanding, that was his solution to everything, just a misunderstanding.

that was when hayoon came back from the bathroom, walking over to the front of the couch. “you okay?” she asked, seeing him sprawled out staring up at the ceiling in thought.

he turned his head towards her hearing her voice, sitting himself up on the couch, “yeah. i think i’m gonna head back though, i don’t feel great.”

“that’s fine, is everything okay though?” she asked.

“yeah, it’s fine, i’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, standing up to give her a peck on the lips before grabbing his shoes and walking out the door.

he stayed up thinking a lot that night.

[ april 29th, 2020, solar dorms ]

this was the last straw.

over the last week there had been a lot of little occurrences that have almost set honghui off, but for some reason, this was the one that made him snap.

honghui and hayoon were in the middle of texting, and she accidentally sent him a text that was very obviously meant for someone else. normally this wouldn’t have been a big deal, but the message had something to do with how she wouldn’t like him as much if he wasn’t an idol.

[ hayoon : no he’s a sweetheart but not the type of person i’d date it he weren’t a celebrity ]

she deleted it quickly and apologized, but he’d already seen enough. he called her immediately, asking for an explanation.

“it’s not what it seems like, i swear, we were just joking around-“

“seems like a pretty weird thing to joke about, don’t you think?” honghui replied flatly.

“our humour is just like that. hyunie, listen-“

“don’t call me hyunie right now.” his voice dripped with venom. he’d only ever spoken with hayoon in the sweetest, warmest sounding voice, it didn’t sound like him at all. it scared hayoon a little quite frankly. “joke or not, it’s degrading. i just want you to be honest with me.”

hayoon sighed, “hyunsu, i’m sorry-“

“i want honesty, that’s all i want,” honghui replied, his voice softening a little. “i wouldn’t be making a big deal out of this if it wasn’t for everything that’s happened this week. the call, the texts-“

“so you did hear that phone call?”

“that’s not my point. so unless you have an explanation for all of this, i’m gonna hang up. be honest with me, if you don’t want to date me, say it to my face.”

“hyunsu, i...” her voice broke slightly, and honghui softened again. he still really likes her, so the fact that he had to do this fucking sucked. it felt like it was tearing his heart in half.

“you what, hayoon? spit it out.”

“i like you, i really do. but the reason i started dating you was because you were a celebrity, i got excited at the idea of dating a celebrity. and yeah, maybe if you weren’t famous i wouldn’t have been so quick to start dating you, but that doesn’t mean-“

honghui sighed, “i think i’ve heard enough.”

“wait! i’ll explain myself, i really do like you-“

“i like you too. but this fucking hurts, hayoon. would you like it if someone started dating you for your public status?”

hayoon sniffled so quietly it was almost inaudible, and her voice wavered slightly, “hyunsu-“

“i’ve heard enough. i don’t want to deal with this anymore.” honghui said bitterly. “goodbye, hayoon. find some other boy’s heart to break.”

and with that, he hung up.

they were over. a small part of honghui hoped that entire conversation would turn out to be a misunderstanding. they’d make up, and things would go back to normal. but sometimes, life doesn’t work out in your favour. sometimes it treated you like a little kid would a daisy they found in the grass- plucking you clean. which sounded like an exaggeration, but to honghui, a hopeless romantic who thought he and hayoon really had something, it wasn’t.

that was it. they were over. honghui hated it but he tried to remind himself that it was better this way.

that didn’t make it any easier.

[scottfuckingreed]

Better with you - Montgomery De La Cruz

-

ANONYMOUS SAID: ‘I have an idea for a possible future Monty story. I don’t know how to say it without it coming out the wrong way so I’m just gonna go ahead anyway lol, something where the reader cheats on her boyfriend with Monty and they have their own little thing on the side because Monty just makes her feel so good like not just in a sexual way but in other ways too. Kind of like how Jess loves Alex, but it’ll never compare to Justin’

-

Warnings!: quite a bit of swearing and those sexual things (also Bryce is mentioned but not in much detail)

“Hey!” Y/BF/N says as his arms wrap themselves around me and kisses me on the forehead. “How’s it going?” I somewhat force a smile up to him. It’s not that I’m not happy to see him, it’s just hard to smile in such a shit place. School of course. “Pretty good actually. I just finished some things up with Tyler. It’s finally getting somewhere.” Y/BF/N is friends does photography with him, so they’re pretty much best friends. Which is nice - I love Tyler - but drama seams to follow Tyler. So it follows Y/BF/N. And so it passes me too. “You have a free period next, right?” I nod at his question. “Lucky! I’ll meet you in our usual spot afterwards?” A quick peck lands on my lips, and then he’s suddenly walking away.

I sit in the cafeteria. It’s usually overcrowded and too loud, but there’s only a handful of people not in class right now. Which is a relief. Starting to peel my orange, I glance up to notice a certain ‘Montgomery’ walking my way. “Y/N! Fancy seeing you here,” he places himself on the opposite side of the table. I shake my head, a smile slowly cracking. “Wow Cruz, you say that as if you don’t sit your ass in that seats pretty much daily at this time,” his eyebrows raise. “Alright Y/N. I just wanted to say hi to my best friend jeez.” I shove a segment in my mouth, pushing it to the side of my mouth for a second. “Aren’t you meant to be in some Literatue class or something right now?” His eyes light up. Sometimes I think I should just not say anything to Monty, but I like Monty. “See, I knew you cared-” he pauses, grabbing the other half of my orange from the table. “And I ain’t gonna use it, so what’s the point?” I look at him in somewhat amazement as he casually eats my food. “I mean, fair enough,” I shrug. I should be used to this. This has happened almost every day for a few months now. Why? I don’t know. It just did one day, and then it was almost like a routine. “Thanks for that, I’ll see you later?” I nod at him, although I know I shouldn’t.

“Are we hanging out later?” I ask my boyfriend. “Sorry Y/N, my mum needs me,” I nod slightly. Internally sighing, the answer is everything I expected. Don’t get me wrong, I love him for being close to his family, but I get that response every time I ask. We’ve had sex twice. You may think, what’s wrong with that? We’ve been dating for a year. It’s fine though. I can’t exactly say ‘leave your mum’ can I? Unfortunately not.

Instead I go to Jessica’s. The fact that Y/BF/N doesn’t make *that much* of an effort does kinda get me down, and Jess always knows how to snap me out of those thoughts. So I can’t help but get excited as I pull up to her house. Hardly parking, I see her body rush towards my car and throw herself into the passenger’s seat. “Perfect timing, let go!” She smiles way too massively at me. “Where are we going?” I laugh nervously. “Bryce is having a small get together.” I can guarantee it won’t be a ‘small get together’. Bryce does parties, and they’re always PARTIES. “I thought-“ “Nah, now drive girl!”

We walk in, and it’s exactly what I expected. This ‘small get together’ is at least 50 people. “Welcome ladies!” Scott smiles and runs up to us with a red cup in each hand. My automatic reaction to this gesture is to smell the cup, and let’s just say I didn’t have to get my nose too close to smell the thickness of the alcohol. “Jesus, what’s in this?” I ask, making Jess laugh. “I’m not sure. Monty made it,” he shrugs and gets lost in a crowd of people. “Drink up Y/N,” Jess taps the bottom of my cup. “I’m driving, and I can’t image how many units is in this one cup.” Her eyes roll. “Suit yourself, I’m finding Justin!” I doubt I’ll see Jess again tonight.

Drinking this - whatever he wants to call it - is a bad idea for me, so I go into the kitchen and find myself a drink. Just as I sip my water, I get a text.

Hey! Xx - Y/BF/N ❤️

I almost immediately respond.

Are you able to get away?x - Y/N

I see those 3 dots pop up, meaning he’s typing. Just as I thought I could escape, his response was exactly what I didn’t need to hear.

Sorry Y/N, it’s a bit late. I’ll call you in a bit though?xx - Y/BF/N ❤️

‘Call me in a bit’? Is he taking the piss? Damn I feel special. ITS ALSO 8:30 LIKE WHAT? I roll my eyes, which make them land on the back of Monty’s head. I shake my head as his eyes meet mine, and can’t help but smile. “Montgomery! I heard you’ve supplied the drinks tonight,” he shrugs and raises his eyes with a beaming smile. “You know me Y/N, it’s nice right?” As I press my lips together, his face forms a shocked expression. “I’m offended, have a sip,” he passes me his drink. I know I shouldn’t drink tonight, but honestly I just wanna have a some fun. My hand wraps the cup - leading Monty to nod at me with a devilish grin. It’s hard to even put the drink in my mouth with the stench, but I chug it anyway. “Shit,” he laughs ‘impressed’. “Fuck that’s so gross,” I cover my mouth with my hand trying not to urge. “I’ll take another one,” I add.

After the first cup, I was already tipsy. And that shit was like half full. So after my next full cup I was pretty drunk already. Which is exactly what I needed. “I thought it was gross?” He laughs as he notices me going through my fresh cup quite fast. I respond with a shrug. “It’s growing on me,” I go to grab him on the shoulder, but I miss, making me stumble forwards. Two hands latch on under my forearm steadying me upright. “Shit,” his chuckle is quite cute- NO. I don’t mean that. I don’t know why that just popped into my head. My finger begin to stroke his arms. That needs to stop. Apart from the music and the screaming and the ‘fun’ going on around us, it was silent. It was the first time I looked into his eyes for more than a quick glance. And unfortunately I’ve just finished another cup of strong ass liquor. “I feel like I wanna kiss you,” I blurt out, my hands immediately cover my mouth. Nothing else can slip out. “Sorry,” I giggle. “I’m just lonely,” oh my god Y/N SHUT UP! “You’re not lonely Y/N, you have a boyfriend.” My mind and mouth start working faster. “Boyfriend? Y/BF/N doesn’t even fucking touch me- shit,” I hush myself.

Next thing I know is I’m being guided out of Bryce’s house. “I’ll take you home,” he breathes. I frown at him. “Driving drunk is dangerous Montgomery don’t you know this.” The smile on his face appears so faintly, and it’s unreadable. Especially in my current state. “You pinched my drink. Did you see me have another one?” No. No I didn’t. Why didn’t he? “Take my car then, and I can’t go home.”

We get to Monty’s, but I don’t realise where I am until I’m inside. “This isn’t what I meant...” I huff. He throws off his Liberty jacket and kicks his shoes in a corner. “You can sleep in my bed,” he hooks his arm under mine to walk me to the bedroom. Hang on. “I have a boyfriend Monty, so no sex,” my hand goes on his chest as a warning. “I’ll try not to fuck you.” At this time, that was good enough for me. It shouldn’t be. Ever. “I appreciate that,” I fall into his bed - which was automatically the comfiest bed I’ve ever laid on. Suddenly my shoes are off and I’m pretty much tucked in. “It’s just hit me,” I sit up too fast, making my head spin. “I don’t know what’s gone on in this bed,” my stomach starts to turn. “You can only imagine,” he shrugs. And suddenly I’m offended? Just go to sleep Y/N.

The next morning

I wake up fully aware of what went on last night, and frankly embarrassed. Not embarrassed that I flirted with Monty. Not even that I’ve ended up at his place in his bed. I just feel guilty. Like I cheated? But I know I didn’t. I shouldn’t of done what I did, but I didn’t do anything wrong. Did I? I walk out of the bedroom, and notice Monty in the kitchen boiling the kettle. “Good morning, coffee?” I shake my head at him with a smile. “Thank you, for last night by the way. My parents would’ve killed me,” I let out a small laugh before tying my hair up in a ponytail with a spare hairband on my wrist. Glancing up to the clock on the wall, I sigh massively. “Shit, I should probably get home. I can drop you to Bryce’s to get your car if you’d like?” I offer. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you later.”

Getting myself to school on time was no problem, but as soon as I entered the building it felt as if everything was moving in slow motion. Until I see him. “Hey! How was your night?” Y/BF/N kisses my forehead, not my lips. “It was alright, I drank a little too much to be honest,” we begin walking down the corridor. As cringe as it sounds, all I wanted was him to hold my hand. Is it that hard? Really? “I bet your parents flipped then,” he chuckles. This is it. I have no reason to lie - really. I didn’t do anything wrong. But it sounds wrong. “Actually, I-“ I pause. “I stayed at Jess’ so they don’t know,” I watch as he nods. His facial expression immediately looks relieved. “Jess told me, I just wanted to make sure.” My heart stops at his response. What the fuck does that mean? He asked Jess before asking me? That’s not right? Yet I say nothing... because I can’t find a reason to.

It’s that time again. That one free period. I’m expecting Monty at any moment now. I hate to say it but I quite look forward to it. It’s somewhat a breath of fresh air. “I was wondering when you’d appear,” I smile as he sits himself in his seat. Going quiet, I swirl my fruit around the pot with a fork. “Are you okay?” His face serious. I take a breath. “I wanted to apologise for last night actually. I shouldn’t of said what I said,” I dodge his gaze, which is extremely hard. The silence remains, but only for a second. “Did you mean it?” I could play dumb and be like ‘mean what’ but I know. It’s been running on loop for the past 16 hours. “It doesn’t matter whether I meant it or not. I have a boyfriend.” “So you did?” He smirks. I’m not gonna mention the effect of the smirk. I guess you can imagine. I let a small smile appear at the side of my face. “Maybe...” sober flirting is NOT okay Y/N! I try to remind myself over and over but it’s so tempting. My heart suddenly sinks. “Can I ask you something? I want a serious answer,” his eyes widen, yet he still nods. “Is it odd that my boyfriend asked Jess where I was last night, then asked me to double check?” His eyebrows raise. “He was trying to catch you out. That’s a bit-“ “I know.” Control your breathing Y/N. I start to feel extra heavy on my heart, which means I’m probably about 30 seconds away from breaking down. “He’s never been like that before,” I mutter. “Y/N. You need to realise that I’m probably more in love with you than he is,” my head shoots up, making him cough. I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t skip a beat; it actually skipped about 17. “Don’t say shit like that Montgomery- he’s never even said it,” I laugh to break the awkwardness. “You’ve been dating for ages Y/N. You deserve better than that, always.” I watch as he lifts himself out of his seat. “Monty-“ I try and stop him. “I need to go, I’ll text you.”

Several sentences run on loop through my head for the rest of the day. Every breath that exited Monty’s mouth was just - confusing. Shoving my head in my locker, a lot like I see Clay doing a lot, seems just like the escape I need. Except it’s not an escape. I’m still in this shit hole. “Hey!” I get poked in my side gently by Y/BF/N. It’s been about an hour and a half since I spoke to Monty. So it’s been an hour and a half of me working myself. And right now I’m pretty fucking angry. He catches me roll my eyes. “Honestly, Y/BF/N, I wouldn’t wanna talk to me right now,” I warn him, as my heart starts to race faster and faster the more I look up at him. “What’s this about then?” A chuckle leaves his lips, and I contain as much as I can. “Maybe the fact that you don’t fucking trust me,” although I don’t think he should trust me, he has no reason to not. “Who said that?” He’s such a nice guy. I swear he is. I don’t wanna hurt him. “You!” I raise my voice but take a breath before continuing. ‘When you asked Jess where I stayed last night,” it’s almost a whisper. He lets out a big sigh. “I know what those guys are like.” Those guys. Everyone knows what most of those guys are like. Some of those guys are nice, to me at least. And some of those guys are Scott and Monty. That’s pretty much it. “And me? You don’t know what I’m like?” In the corner of my eye I see Monty laughing with Bryce, Zach, and Scott. A sudden urge comes over me to end this conversation. “Look, maybe we need some space,” I lie. As if we need more space. “Y/N,” his arm wraps around my forearm. The sad truth is that’s the most action I’ve got in a long ass time. “I’ll ring you tonight, I need to go.” So I close my locker, turn around, and catch Monty’s eye before walking out of school.

Refusing Jess’ offer to drive me home, I just think and pretty much talk to myself all the way to my house. I’m lost. Not actually physically lost, but I am lost. I’m only bought back to reality when my phone dings.

‘Really Y/N?’ - Y/BF/N ❤️

I can’t help but roll my eyes. This is what I have to do to get attention from my own boyfriend? No apology, because he hasn’t done anything wrong. He could say ‘let’s talk about it’. Why would he say that though? I go to text him back but my phone starts to ring.

“And what do you want Monty?” I smile down the phone. I’m very glad I’m on my own right now. “I was just seeing if you’re alright.” I sigh at his words. To think that’s all I want Y/BF/N to say. To show some affection! That would be nice. But Y/BF/N isn’t Monty. “I guess so. I’ve just got home.” He begins to talk about some random ass shit - stuff we wouldn’t usually talk about - while I unlock the front door to my house. Throwing my bag down on my bedroom floor, I get a text. Damn. Why am I so popular today? “Why has Bryce just texted me?” I laugh, mostly to myself. “He’s probably trying to get you to come to his house party tonight.” I freeze. “Wasn’t there-“ “Yeah, but his parents are out of town for a few days I think,” he sounds unimpressed. Monty? Bryce’s best friend? Is sounding unimpressed with Bryce’s actions? That’s a first. “Why’d you sound like that?” “I told him not to text you. Don’t let him pressure you into it,” it’s as if Monty knew every word that would make me like him more, more than I should. “I really enjoyed myself you know, I don’t think I mentioned that,” I admit, and silence falls across the line for seconds that feel like minutes. Then appears a cough. “Well, in that case, I’ll pick you up. If you want that is.” I can only read Monty’s face at the best of times, so trying to judge his voice is a fat ass struggle. “It’s-“ My body wanted to use the ‘it’s a date’ line. THAT would be embarrassing. “Okay then.”

Clothing. Such a funny thing. When it comes to Y/BF/N I find myself not really caring what I wear, so I feel somewhat guilty for caring now. ‘It’s a party’ is an excuse, but I’d be lying. He’s never shown much interest unfortunately. So here I am, rummaging frantically through my wardrobe and drawers to find something cute. I find a dress, that is probably a bit short, but ‘it’s a party’. Should I curl my hair? No. That looks like too much effort. But... no. I decide just to brush it. With a knock on the door, my head shoots to the clock on my wall. 8pm?! Shit. My legs and my heart speed up drastically and I hear my mum answer the door. Fuck no.

I walk downstairs and witness the embrace between Monty and my mother. “Ah Y/N, I was just meeting...” my mum pauses and gazed at me in hint of ‘what’s this guy’s name?’ “Monty,” I sigh. I press my lips together to smile towards them both. “It’s so nice to meet you,” if there’s one thing you should know about my mum is that she’s very touchy. I would’ve warned Monty, but I hadn’t quite imagined them meeting yet - or at all really. She shakes his hand. I cough while I slip my shoes on, which are trainers so I guess they kill the dress vibe. I don’t care. Once they’re on, my mission is to leave. I need to. I know what she’s like. “Alright, I’ll see you later!” I give my mum a hug and open the front door as fast as I can. “Please come in quietly. It was nice to finally meet you Monty! I’ve been waiting to meet Y/N boyfriend for a long time now.” “Alright bye!” I rush. Fuck.

“I’m sorry about that,” I laugh as I throw myself in the passenger seat. The smile on his face is very comforting. “Nah it’s cool, I’d love to have a mum like that,” my heart sinks slightly. I’m not 100% sure what that means, but it’s definitely not positive. “Y/N.” Is all he says. “About Y/BF/N-“ “I know.” I stop him. Thanks mum. The engine finally starts, and we’re off, and I realise that I’m off to a party with Monty. I don’t think this looks very good.

A drink is pretty much thrown at me as soon as I walk in the house. It’s a lot like deja vu, except I’ve appeared with Monty today. Shit. I shouldn’t be here. My eyes lay on Jess. “Give me a sec,” I say, and wonder over to my best friend. Her arms wrap around me, squeezing me as if we haven’t seen each other in weeks. We chat about some random shit until it must sink in. “Wait... did you come with Monty?” She asks thick with confusion. “I did...” I say slowly. “Does it look bad?” I ask. I ask only because I know she’ll be honest. “A little, but honestly fuck Y/BF/N!” My jaw drops with a smile. “I mean it! He’s a nice guy and all, but he’s pretty shit to you,” she shrugs and chugs the rest of her drink. “At least Monty is shit to everyone but you.”

Wishing Jess never said those words, I find myself hung up on them as I hang out with the guy. I know Monty isn’t the nicest person to everyone, but when I speak to him I don’t care. Should I? I feel like I should. I take a sip of my drink, which isn’t a mix of everything this time, while I listen to Scott. He’s one of those guys that you just want as your best friend. I laugh at the funny thing he said. I’d mention it, but I don’t remember as I notice Monty calling me over to him with his hand.

Finishing up my conversation with Scott, I follow Monty outside. The sky beams clear. Not a star in sight. “Are you cold?” He asks. It’s also not warm, but it isn’t cold either. I say no, slightly afraid of how I’d have to act if he offered his jacket. “I haven’t seen much of you,” I’m unsure of what to say so I say that. It’s never awkward with us, but I don’t trust myself anymore. Why should Y/BF/N trust me when I don’t even trust me? “Awe did you miss me?” He nudges me with a gleaming smile. I stop myself from smiling as the guilt starts to flood in. “Y/N-“ “I’m fine. It’s just...” “Y/BF/N,” he interrupts. I let out a short awkward laugh. Sigh. “I feel like talking about him with you will make things odd between us,” I gesture Monty and I. “And that’s wrong.” “It’s okay-“ “it’s not though,” tears - for some weird reason - start to form in my eyes. Blinking reduces the watering. That would be embarrassing. “He’s my boyfriend,” I let out in a whisper. “He’s a shit boyfriend if you ask me,” Monty huffs. Although I somewhat agree, Monty’s words stress me out a little. The truth hurts, and the fact that Monty is the only person to tell me that (other than Jess) is annoying. “Well I didn’t ask,” I didn’t want to snap at him, and my tone was too soft for it to. If anything I sounded pathetic. “I’m gonna kiss you now,” he says OUT OF NOWHERE. “Wha-“ I’m stopped by his lips. Lips so soft and sweet and just... perfect. His lips on mine, his fingers on his right hand tilting my chin up slightly. I’m truly swept away. My right hand goes up to the side of his face to keep his lips on mine for a little longer - and then I realise what I’m doing. Shit. I’m unsure of what to do as I pull away, so I just become completely speechless. Our eyes lock for 5 seconds at the most. Then I find myself running away.

“Woah, are you okay?” Hands go on my shoulder. More specifically, Scott’s hands, when he stops me in my tracks. “Fuck,” I let out in a breath. “Is there anywhere I can just go to breathe a second?” He walks me to a spare bedroom which is very clearly one of a few. I’m prepared to be by myself, but Scott takes a seat on the bed. My own fingers spread through my hair in a stressed motion. “I just kissed Monty,” Scott’s facial expression doesn’t change. I realise that this is Scott, and I shouldn’t be talking to him about this, but it’s also Scott - the actual nice guy. “And..?” He shrugs, shoving some small snack food in his mouth. “And I shouldn’t have.” “Do you have a boyfriend or something?” I snap my head to Scott after his words. “Y/BF/N..?” I ask slowly, and his eyes widen. “What, really? I thought he was gay,” I can’t help but crack a smile for a very short second. “Scott...” I shake my head. Honestly I’m just thankful Scott’s the way he is. How did he just lighten the mood with that? “I know I shouldn’t pry but he doesn’t really treat you in that way,” he pauses. “From what I’ve seen of course.” Oh of course. “Look Scott, I appreciate this but can you give me a second to be by myself?” I ask as nicely as I can. “Oh shit, yeah of course. Sorry,” he chuckles, and stands. “What do you want me to tell Monty?” He turns before he leaves the room. “Anything, but don’t tell him I’m up here please.” He closes the door behind him.

I pace the floor up and down approximately 50 times before Monty walks through the door. My heart stops. “I told Scott-“ “I know, but he’s my best friend Y/N,” he closes the door gently behind him, but he doesn’t enter the room fully. Only staying by the door. As if waiting for some sort of permission, I watch as he twiddles his fingers. “You shouldn’t of kissed me Monty,” I sigh. A step forward is taken by the boy in front of me. “I’m really sorry,” to be able to feel the apology from Montgomery De La Cruz is truly something. I’ve never seen him like this. I hate how much I like it. “You know I have a boyfriend, and you did it anyway,” Monty avoids my gaze at him, looking at the ground instead. Or the ceiling. Or the wall. “I just thought-“ “I know what you thought.” I stop him. I want him him to leave, but the thought of him leaving me right now was just heartbreaking. A few more steps are taken. “It’s unfair. It’s unfair on Y/BF/N, and you. And me.” When his eyes finally look at me - not at anything but - I just knew. The feeling of needing someone has never felt so prominent to me. So I act on it. My hands reach up to his head, I lift myself onto my tip toes, and pull his lips down to mine. His hands are gently caressing my waist within seconds. My legs lead us towards the bed. The feeling of his body slowly sitting down shouldn’t of been a cue for my body to straddle him, but I do. And then the make out becomes a bit more full on. I feel guilty for not feeling guilty. I should be regretting this, but it’s actually perfect. The way he slides his tongue into my mouth, and the way his hands are slowly making their way lower down my body, it’s a different feeling. In this moment, I’m starting to realise how full I feel around him, and how almost utterly empty I feel otherwise. I let out a light moan as his hand reach my ass and move me - creating that friction feeling I’ve been missing. The smirk I felt under our kiss was adorable. I didn’t even need to see it, although I’m thankful I didn’t. This boy doesn’t need to wrap me around his finger any tighter.

My hands move themselves to the bottom of his tee, and that’s when I freeze. I break our lips and balance my forehead on his. Heavy breathes leave my mouth. “I’m sorry, I just-“ I pause to breathe and think carefully about my words. “I don’t wanna stop but I think I need to sort some shit out,” he nods underneath me, but he says absolutely nothing. This is not where my guilt should be. “I’m just a bad enough person already as it is,” I let out a chuckle once I see the side of his mouth turn up slightly. “Want me to drive you home?” I smile sympathetically at his words. His voice so soft. I hold the sides of his face and smooth his cheeks for a few seconds. His hand holds over mine, takes it, and kisses it. Blush. “Okay, let’s leave now,” I laugh, embarrassed of the hold he has over me.

Midday the next day

Since there was almost no drinking and definitely no drugs taken on my part, my head should be fine. But my head is FUCKED. Do I feel guilty? I feel guilty about leaving Monty last night, not Y/BF/N. And that’s making me feel guilty. So it’s about 7am and I’m walking to school. I hardly slept, I just thought the rest of the night. When I did finally fall asleep, I dreamt about Monty and how perfect last night was despite everything. I’m only walking to pass time. Driving would be way too quick. Although, my plan to have my mission planned by the time I get there, is a mission failed already. A 30 minute walk and nothing. Fuck.

In a crowd of people, I automatically spot 4 people. Monty and Scott are the first two, then Jess, and then Y/BF/N. My paranoia goes straight to ‘Monty’s told Scott and Scott’s told everyone else’, but I’ve never seen Scott or Monty like that. I know they’ve done it though. That makes me nervous. I go straight to Jess. She always knows what to say. “Hey... Jess,” I sigh. Usually me and Jess get lost in ourselves and ignore a lot of the noise around us, but not today. Not for me. Eyes were on me, even if they weren’t actually. “Are you- oh Y/N,” her eyes hint to my left. Y/BF/N. “That’s my cue to leave,” her words leave as does she. Thanks a lot. “We need to talk.” He knows.

We walk outside just around the corner. It’s not as if we’re in private. Nothing is private here. “We need to talk about yesterday,” he looks me dead in the eyes, which is quite intimidating. I’m such a shitty person. “I thought about it, and I understand why you acted the way you did.” His words sting. There’s nothing I can do. Admitting it out loud is so frightening so I say nothing still. He sighs. “The silent treatment? Really? You overreacted about me asking Jess,” he rolls his eyes at me. My gut goes from feeling sick, to really fucking angry. “Wow okay,” I let out in an angry mumble. “But I am sorry. I should’ve just asked you, and not Jess,” my eyebrows raise at his apology. “You’re a dickhead,” is all I can get out. My legs try to walk me away, but his hand clutch my wrist. “I’m trying to fix this,” his words, although exactly what I wanted to hear, were quite harshly spat at me as his grip grows tighter. “I think we need to be done.” Did I actually just say that? I’ve kept that to myself for too long. He lets my arm fall from his grip. I’ve never seen him like this. “You’re not breaking up with me, you’re gonna regret that.” The guy I watch strop away is not the guy I know? Who is that?

The bell rang about 10 minutes after Y/BF/N walked away, but I only just walk myself into the building. I find the guy I actually don’t mind bumping into leaning again my locker. “Hey Monty,” his smile makes me smile, which is so gross I know. “Are you okay?” He asks, nodding towards outside. “Yeah, I just, I’m so confused,” when I light my hand up to cup my forehead, I notice - as does Monty - the finger marks around my wrist. They’re ever so faint, but they’re there. “He tried to stop me walking away, it’s no big deal,” I say to his eyes. The facial expression was nothing I’d seen before. “Honestly, it’s nothing,” my right hand reaches up to his face to cup his cheek, then I realise where we are. “What did he say?” He asks. I wonder why he cares so much. It’s really attractive. “Can we talk about it later?” I ask, and his slow nod is extremely comforting. “Do you wanna ditch?” A wide smile spread across his face. “Monty...” I whisper, reciprocating the same expression. My back slowly flattens against the lockers neighbouring mine as his body gets closer to mine. “I think we should ditch,” he says again once his body is gently touching mine. Imagine just one person comes out of class right now. We definitely shouldn’t, but I really want to. “Okay,” I whisper, nibbling the inside of my lip. His hand slips gently into mine and he pulls me out of the shitty school. I’m a terrible person.

It’s as if it’s a whole other world with Monty. I can’t describe it fully, because I don’t fully understand it myself, but I got lost in him. “Where are we going then?” He asks about 5 minutes into driving. I raise my eyebrows towards him with a fat smile on my face. “You’re the one who said we should ditch!” He just shrugs. I face forwards, but I catch him smirk at me in the corner of my eye whilst scanning me briefly up and down. This guy is too attractive. “I guess we can go to mine, it should be empty.”

I unlock the door to an empty house. Like the gentleman he is, he slips his shoes off just to the side. “What shall we do?” He asks with bright eyes. “Hungry?” His response is obviously.

We decide to make some cakes - which isn’t exactly what I mean by food but it’s a lot nicer anyway. By ‘we’ I mean me. I weigh out all the ingredients while he just observes. “Are you gonna help?” I ask with a slight chuckle. “I’m actually alright just watching you,” he bites his lip after his words. “That’s creepy Montgomery.” “Hearing you say my full name turns me on,” my face goes from normal to very red. His face remains serious too, other than a smirk forming slowly. I ignore him (as much as I can) and go back to pouring the ingredient into one bowl and mixing. It only takes seconds before I feel his body directly behind mine. I feel as his fingers creep towards my waist, and his head slowly sinking to my level. I refuse to get distracted by him and continue mixing, and his lips proceed to my neck. Holy shit. He kisses it once, then twice, then an open mouth one. As he begins sucking and nibbling, my hand (as if a reflex) goes to the back of his head. I spin myself to face him. My eyes scan him as I breathe slightly heavier than usual. A few seconds of silence. “Fuck you,” is all I can whisper before wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him passionately. He slides the bowl from behind me and lifts me onto the counter. Although his body is as close as it can be right now, it remains not close enough. Our tongues battle and glide through each other’s mouths. It takes no time for me to realise how much I need him. I’ve been fooling myself all this time. When I grab the bottom of his shirt, this time I remove it as fast as I can. Wow. I take a second to absorb it all it. “It’s rude to stare,” he grunts, his hands smoothing my thighs up and down slowly. I look down at them, and look back up to his eyes. The sensation going through my body was phenomenal. He hasn’t even touched me yet. I grab the top of his trousers and pull him closer to me. Starting from his lips, I lay kisses down. Across to his cheek, down to his neck, and a few down his chest. I feel his heartbeat become irregular. The most attractive thing in the moment was the very apparent wait for the okay. His eyes scan my body, just like I did, except he has nothing to admire. Me on the other hand? Wow. The only signal I can send him is by unbuckling his belt. A sort-of glow forms in his eyes before finally moving.

My thong gets dropped on the floor near by. The guilt comes from me wearing my favourite underwear today, but I now have nothing to feel guilty about. Well... not this. I want to be here. I watch as he kneels down to floor, his face opposite my heat. Desperate for his touch. The breath that left his mouth became more and more fierce as he came close and closer, before finally making contact. His mouth wraps around my clit. I send my head back and my hand pushes to the back of his head once again. “Oh shit,” I breathe out in a moan. His hands wrap around my thighs, pulling my body closer to his mouth. My moans try to remain retained, which was a lot harder than I imagined. I just moan louder and louder ad he continues eating me out. As his tongue laps all over, I already feel like letting go. Not yet. I pull him up, shutting his confused look up with my mouth on his. My hands fumble at his belt again, but his large hands stop mine in their tracks. He pulls his lips off mine, our noses still keeping contact. “I need you,” I whisper. I feel as a deep breath leaves his mouth onto mine. “Trust me, I need you. But not here,” and with that he picks me up with one arm under my knees and the other hooked under my arms. As he somehow starts carrying me up the stairs, I get caught up in the moment. “Shit it’s like we just got married,” I smile and chuckle to show I’m joking. The smirk, the eyes, the everything on his face. “I’ll marry you,” I collapse my head on his shoulder, shaking it slightly. “Fuck,” I whisper, lifting my head and pushing my lips on his when we get to the top.

Being thrown on my own bed is the single most attractive thing I’ve ever experienced. He kneels between my slightly spread legs. Sitting up, I attach my lips to his chest, kissing ball the way up to finally being back on his lips. The kiss pulls his body down onto mine. The stupid belt is finally removed and I start to pull his trousers down and off. Naked. Montgomery De La Cruz is knelt slightly in front of me putting a condom on his dick while I shuffle in under my covers. I didn’t think we’d get here. Well... not this soon. “I thought staring was creepy,” his voice speaks, low and sexy. I wish the smirk wasn’t so natural to him. Most guys do it and it’s not it at all. He does it and... “No. Saying you were fine watching me was creepy. I’m just- admiring?” I suck in my bottom lip, nibbling at it just a little for him to notice. “Okay I’ll let you off,” he throws the covers over him, his face coming extremely close to mine yet not touching. My legs, as if by reflex, spread a little more when his tip brushes against the inside of my thigh. My heart races more. “If you wanna stop just tell me,” is the only thing he could’ve said to both calm me and get me more flustered inside. I nod. He starts to enter himself inside me - quite slowly and carefully - stopping until I give him another nod. Although I’m not a virgin, the discomfort was still there a bit. I cup his face with my hand, stroking his cheek with my thumb. I trail it down to his lips where he kisses it once. He freezes inside me for a few seconds once his length is fully inside me. “Okay,” I nod, pulling his face down onto mine before he pulls out slowly to push back in. I try not to moan already. He slips his tongue into my mouth, swirling and crashing it with mine mid moan. His lips kiss down to my chin, which is when his hand lifts my leg up and out. As my breathing hitches more, nibbles go across my neck to my ear. Woah. He takes my ear lobe between his teeth, pulling it down. That’s something I’ve never felt before. “Moan for me,” pillow talk is another thing I’ve never experienced, which leads me to grunt rather loudly. Mid-moan his lips reattach themselves to mine. I let my hands grip his back. My aim was to pull him closer to me, but all I do is scratch down his back. At first I feel bad, then I hear the moan from Monty that followed. That was me done. “Fuck,” I let out in his mouth. The pace is increased more, my arms wrap around his neck - almost hugging him into me. A hand grips my waist as if to say ‘I know you’re close’. I am. I so am. Holding back was in my plans. I spread my fingers through his hair as I begin to let go. “Monty,” I squeak between our lips. A release I’ve been waiting for, with the guy I think I’ve been needing. Once again, Monty’s thrusts increase one last time, this time for his own climax. The twitch inside me finished my frenzy around him. All that was left between us was sweat and heavy breathing.

I lay, my head on his chest, with his arm thrown around me like in the movies. The fingers on our hands intertwined together in an unsolvable puzzle. Chatting as if it was normal what we just did. It is normal. It feels normal. Which is the weird thing. “When’s your mum coming home?” He asks, placing a kiss on the back of my hand. “She’s working a night shift tonight, so you can stay if you’d like,” those aren’t exactly the words I wanted to say. “I should probably go home, my dad-“ “Please stay. I want you to stay,” I stop him with the words I truly meant to stay. Imagine staying overnight with a boy? True heaven I imagine. Especially since that guy is Monty. I tilt my head up to look him in the eyes. His lips, still soft and kind, place themselves on my lips again after letting out an ‘okay’. And suddenly it’s another makeout session. I know exactly where this is going to go. I’m gonna - if I’m not already - fall too hard for Montgomery De La Cruz.