#i wonder if anyone will ever see this most of my followers are probably dead by now

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

Hermitcraft / Life Series Fic Recs

Because I love so many of them...

I'll split the fics into completed and updating fics, and try to only recommend currently updating fics (i.e., not abandoned). I'm going to write a little about why I like each fic and what the general vibes are - so this is also a kind of review I guess?

I've tried to @ the authors if they have a public tumblr. Sorry to anyone who didn't want to be tagged, I can remove any @ if you ask (or if I have embarrassingly tagged the wrong person). Anyway, enjoy, and I appreciate reblogs because I want as many people to see these fics as possible!!

This ended up being incredibly long so I'm putting a divider here. Click to keep reading!!! Also, fair warning: shipping ahead! Some fics will have mild sexual content, please read the tags if you are unsure <3

Updating Fics

I have already recommended Help Me To Breathe, lost in the dark (he's got a heavy heart), and There Are Monsters Nearby in this post, so I won't explain why I like them a second time, but definitely check them out!!

Death's A Good Gig by @mawofthemagnetar is probably going to be finished by the time this post gets to you, reader, but I'm putting it here anyway. It's short and sweet, one of my favourite representations of Zedaph (or, Zedeath) I've read, and just a joy to experience. If you like grim reapers and discussions of unions, this one is for you. Also I need more Zedaph in my life.

Look, I'm Sorry, Please Stop Scaring Everyone by @cat-in-the-desert reminds me a lot of a particular TV drama I liked when I was younger, which followed a similar premise. This fic follows Mumbo (vampire) and Grian (ghost) as they get up to various housemate shenanigans and meet their local magic-expert and salesman Scar. This fic is fun, but still includes a nice amount of Feelings and hinted-at Angst which I really love. It's lighthearted, but never boring.

It Hurts To Hope by Inquillitory is my favourite of the "Grian crash lands into Hermitcraft and causes problems for everyone" genre. Seeing how many fics there are with that premise, I think that says a lot. It handles Grian's weird Watcher stuff really well. Honestly, I just want to know what happens next!

killing the boy in the tv by @raspberrystruck is like a sickfic on steroids. If you want Grian with so much past trauma he forgets how to function in society, this is basically the fic for you. I really love how hybrid traits affect the characters' interactions in this fic, and how everyone is kind of messed up because of the imbalance Grian brings. It is wonderfully descriptive in all the right places!

Love Me Like I'm Dead by @daniofcrows is such a gem. You know how hard it is to find good Xisuma whump? It's impossible. I absolutely love how Xisuma and Evil X are characterised in this, and I am obsessed with the unique take on hanahaki disease which I have never seen handled in this way before. The balance between flashbacks and present day is maintained wonderfully and I cannot wait to continue reading this one. Wow.

Oh, you wanted me to do a verse? by @bugbbear is... kind of indescribable. It's horror. It's comedy. It's the apocalypse. It's boatem. Scar eats someone. One of the most interesting and unique apocalypse stories I have read. Slowly updating but worth the wait, in my opinion. This one NEEDS more attention.

So Much For Stardust by @a-plethora-of-peters is basically one of my all-time favourites. Which is a damn good achievement seeing as I don't usually read ZITS fics. Like, ever. In this fic, Skizz is a human abducted and hurt badly by aliens, now recovering in the care of good aliens who don't know how 'sentient' he is. Every update of this one makes me smile, it is wonderful. I love how the characters are written and how the different perspectives are shown. It is just great.

Solar Waltz by @raspberrystruck and aroundtheclock is a brilliant and very very sad regression fic. I love fluffy regression fics as much as the next guy, but this one just... hits different. The hurt/comfort levels are off the charts. Grian is so damn cute the whole time, while also being harrowingly complicated and sad. I am so ready for whatever comes next.

Tango's Castle of Cards by @evilrat-sabre is the one where Tango is a BUG. He's just a little guy (horror). This one is so beautifully written, with poetry-type interludes and perspective changes that really make everything feel so much more impactful. Finding out your buddy is a murder bug isn't the easiest thing in the world. I love this so much.

Traveling Thieves {Dark Fantasy AU} (series) by @amethystfairy1 is basically one of the series of all time. I know I keep saying that but it really really is. I love a good fantasy au, and I love an au with hybrids even more. In this world, hybrids are treated like slaves, but it isn't all doom and gloom for the main characters of each installment. There is a lot of hurt/comfort and the different stories feed into each other in really interesting ways. I try to read as much as I can, though I've missed a few because my emails are buggy. Definitely worth reading these fics, especially since now they're all starting to come together!

Completed Fics

Solving Counting Sheep by @theminecraftbee might have rearranged my brain chemistry a little. Another strong contender for 'fics that inspire me to kill Grian', this time with a more concrete notion of "replacement". Three is my favourite fucked up living weapon. It's so rare to find Evo fics in this day and age, too. This fic had me immediately clicking on every update as soon as I got the emails.

Rescue Fire by @imaginethat0327 is one of the most unique takes on a fictionalised life series game that I have ever read. The whole concept is explained in a realistic and easy-to-follow way, as we learn what's happening with the characters. There are several brilliant storylines happening in this one, but my particular favourites are Jimmy & Tango, Joel, and of course Scar & Grian. This fic is full of whump and, well, read the tags, it isn't always pleasant, but those are my favourite things ever. Definitely worth checking out this fic and its currently updating sequel.

don't you know about me? by takenbadgering is a wonderful comedy of errors with just the right amount of angst for a realistic setting type of fic. If you enjoy polyamory miscommunications, rave aesthetics, kandi, school teacher dynamics, and a lovely blend between grumbo, cubscar, and mumscar, this is the one.

Eventually the Birds Must Land by @milo-hypno follows a polyam ship I would have never thought of, and I cannot believe how much I loved it. This married-as-friends fic premise is wonderful, and captures the main trio (Grian, Mumbo, Impulse)'s personalities so well, while balancing them with the incredibly terrifying descriptions of the Watchers and their power. There's a lot of angst here, but it is ultimately hurt/comfort to the maximum degree. I loved reading it as it updated. Yay for gay marriage!

From The Archives (series) by @sixteenth-days was the absolute inspiration for my own Comms AU, and I will never forget its influence on me. As someone basically unfamiliar with TMA, I thought this series might be hard to follow, but it was not! I read all 57 parts in the span of two days, and I think it altered my brain chemistry. Please read it, even if (especially if) you don't know anything about TMA. The Cleo and Grian storyline lives in my head rent free. I mean it. This is horror at its finest. Also there's an audio series of this fic being released rn, which is very cool.

SUPERCRITICAL by @masque-of-plague hits different. It is such a wonderful take on the superhero/HotGuy trope, and it gets so super dark at some points! This one really takes swings at it's fictional government, which of course I love, while at the same time building this brilliantly emotional relationship between Scar and Grian. I do enjoy a bit of enemies to lovers, but the actual plot mixed into the story makes this one extra special. It is thrilling, with action that I don't get to see too often! Great work.

I am weary with contending! is one of the mumscarian fics of all time. From 'this house has people in it'-type horror, to magic gone wrong, to childhood trauma, to attempted assassination, to gender fuckery, this fic has it all. Usually I don't go for convex siblings, but this one is good enough to get a pass from me. Amazingly detailed worldbuilding alongside a brilliantly creative story.

It Spreads by @foxxology may not count as a fic, actually. It's a comic. But it's posted on ao3 so it counts. I was obsessed with this one as it was updating, honestly. It rocked me to my core. The art is phenomenal. The writing is brilliant. I love sculk.

Luck of the sea by Sleepy_Duck is a lovely take on mermaid and human interactions, with Grian as a marine life conservator and Scar as a very neglected mer. This one takes us emotionally in all sorts of directions, and offers lots of hope for the future of the characters. I heavily enjoyed this fic - if you like mermaids and marine biology, check it out.

there are many downsides to being a marine biologist by donnerstag is another mermaid fic but with a pretty different vibe. First of all, it follows what I would consider a rarepair Doc/Martyn. Second of all, reading this as it updated was a thrilling experience that nearly made me cry at certain points. I love how the relationship builds in this fic. It is honestly amazing. The whole idea of experimenting on a sentient sea creature, learning that he can communicate, then losing funding and having to save him from being dissected?!?! It's crazy. I love it.

Thus concludes my fic recommendations. I hope you enjoy at least some of these, and consider reblogging to spread these wonderful fics around <3

[yuurei20]

Hey Yuurei ^^ - Question!

So, as far as I'm aware the flashbacks we see at the end of the chapter are player and overblot character specific - MC and Grim do not witness them. (Right?) Nor do any of the other students really have a deep understanding of the other characters motivations beyond what they yell pre-and post overblot

(and honestly this kinda ties into why I don't really understand the Therapist Yuu joke - in the game particularly, MC doesn't really do much to comfort let alone really understand the Overblotters? Azul has a moment, but otherwise not really. (I feel like the Manga and Book get into that territory a bit more though)

ANYWAY

My question is if as far as you've seen, the characters seem aware of the backstories of the other characters? In Masquerade, it does seem like Azul and Malleus (more Azul) seem aware of Idia's relationship to the dead sibling topic. It also seems like the Heartslybul characters are more aware of Riddle's background, but I'm not sure about anyone else.

Hello hello! ^^ Answer! Thank you so much for this wonderful question!

As far as I can tell the flashbacks are between the overblot victim and the player, with no other characters (or the prefect/Grim) involved!

There are never any dialogue boxes or internal monologues from the prefect insinuating that they witnessed the flashbacks.

There are similarly no insinuations in the manga (only the Heartslabyul arc has been completed as of this post), and in the novel the point of view changes entirely to the overblotter.

There is no internal dialogue or narration to insinuate that the prefect is aware of the post-overblot dreams, and in Heartslabyul novel the prefect silently reflects (after Riddle has recovered) on how much none of them know:

"‘But…things got so bad that he overblotted. I think the housewarden has his reasons. Clover-senpai won’t say anything, though.'"

"Riddle had conjured enough excess blot to exceed the capacity of his stone. The depth of his sorrow and rage is simply too much for Yuuya and the others to understand." - Twst the first novel

The other students seem to mostly be waiting for the overblotter to wake up in the game, which we can probably assume is what the prefect does as well.

Azul and Idia do seem maybe the most curious of the group, but then there is the end of Book 6 where Rook explains, "He--or rather, they--chose to try and boost their brother up from the depths below to the skies above," insinuating that he knows about dead-Ortho.

Rook is speaking openly with Vil, who seems to know who this "they" refers to, so it might be safe to assume that the kidnapped overblot victims know about dead-Ortho!

As for who knows what, I think Riddle and Leona might be the most secretive of the overblotters! Riddle has a line about how much he has suffered and Leona mentions being loathed with no present and no future, but we get a detailed mission statement from overblotting Azul.

It seems Azul is able to deduce Jamil's motivation based on Jamil's pre-overblot monologue, while we receive vague but not inaccurate information from Vil, as well.

Malleus also presents a statement of intent for his overblot.

To the original question: you have a good point about the prefect not really serving as a counselor! They seems to have limited one-on-one screen time with any of the characters besides Grim, Ace and Deuce.

This makes the end of Book 3 all the more fascinating, as you say!

Is Azul the only character with whom the prefect has ever had a one-on-one conversation about what happened, encouraging him and complimenting him?

(While there are follow-ups with Jamil in Book 5 and Vil in Book 6, they are both group conversations rather than a private moment between an overblotter and the prefect alone.)

(The prefect also interacts briefly with a post-overblot Leona in Book 2, but it is in a crowded room with the prefect calling Leona out for not showing remorse, which is also a little different from the moment between the prefect and Azul.)

While I find the "prefect acting as school counselor" fandom-joke to be very cute, you may be correct that it is not exactly an accurate representation of what is happening in the game ^^ (similar to the joke about STYX being the government!)

[jackoshadows]

I have come across some posts/comments saying that Jon Snow will stay as Jon Snow and will never become Jon Stark. Here's the thing though - Jon Snow IS already Jon Stark! He just doesn't know it yet.

As GRRM states:

Q: I have a question, since Robb actually  legitimized Jon and named him his heir for Winterfell and the North  before the Red Wedding (granted no one knows about this and is still  alive or free, the Greatjon knows as does Edmure, but I dont see them  getting out of the Twins any time soon and Catelyn would probably die  before telling anyone) does this make Jon’s rejection of Stannis’ offer  moot? A: Edmure and the Greatjon are prisoners, true… but you are forgetting  the envoys that Robb sent to Howland Reed… Galbart Glover, Maege  Mormont, Jason Mallister… they are all alive and free. As to what is and is not moot… the key point is, only a king can legitimize a bastard……

"Precedent," she said bitterly. "Yes, Aegon the Fourth legitimized all his bastards on his deathbed. And how much pain, grief, war, and murder grew from that? I know you trust Jon. But can you trust his sons? Or their sons? The Blackfyre pretenders troubled the Targaryens for five generations, until Barristan the Bold slew the last of them on the Stepstones. If you make Jon legitimate, there is no way to turn him bastard again. Should he wed and breed, any sons you may have by Jeyne will never be safe." - Catelyn, ASoS

Robb stood, and as quick as that, her fate was settled. He picked up a sheet of parchment. "One more matter. Lord Balon has left chaos in his wake, we hope. I would not do the same. Yet I have no son as yet, my brothers Bran and Rickon are dead, and my sister is wed to a Lannister. I've thought long and hard about who might follow me. I command you now as my true and loyal lords to fix your seals to this document as witnesses to my decision." A king indeed, Catelyn thought, defeated. She could only hope that the trap he'd planned for Moat Cailin worked as well as the one in which he'd just caught her. - Catelyn, ASoS

So it is done. King in the North Robb Stark has already legitimized Jon Snow as Jon Stark. Edmure Tully, GreatJon Umber, Maege Mormont, Galbart Glover and Jason Mallister all now know that Jon Snow is Jon Stark.

They just have not managed to either get word to him (Edmure and the GreatJon being prisoners) or for reasons unknown - most probably because of the Boltons squatting in Winterfell with Northmen as Lannister hostages and Stannis engaged in a campaign in the North - have just not informed Jon about this.

This right here is strong foreshadowing for Jon Stark as King in the North through Robb's Will:

Stannis read from the letter. "Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is STARK. A girl of ten, you say, and she presumes to scold her lawful king." - Jon I, ADwD

At this point it's clearly implied that Lyanna Mormont has heard from her mother. Maege Mormont - who is witness to Robb's last will and decree which names Jon Stark as KITN - is last seen heading to the Neck with her daughters.

Catelyn wondered if Lady Maege had reached the Neck as yet. She had taken her other daughters with her, but as one of Robb’s battle companions Dacey had chosen to remain by his side. - Catelyn, ACoK

In ADwD, Alysane mentions that two of her sisters are with their mother. Which makes it clear that she has heard from Maege.

"Sisters," Alysane Mormont replied, gruff as ever. "Five, we were. All girls. Lyanna is back on Bear Island. Lyra and Jory are with our mother. Dacey was murdered." "The Red Wedding." - The King's Prize, ADwD

Which then implies that Lyanna Mormont has heard from her mother and her declaration is for Jon Stark.

Now of course they could be talking about Rickon Stark, if Maege and Galbart Glover managed to communicate with Robett Glover and Manderly has let them know that Rickon is still alive. However, keeping in mind that Galbart Glover was also witness to King Robb's last decree which legitimizes Jon Snow as Jon Stark, it's very possible this is about Jon Stark as well.

The next paragraph just hits us over the head with foreshadowing that more or less confirms that this is about Jon Stark.

Maege Mormont had ridden south with Robb, Jon knew. Her eldest daughter had joined the Young Wolf's host as well. Even if both of them had died, however, Lady Maege had other daughters, some with children of their own. Had they gone with Robb as well? Surely Lady Maege would have left at least one of the older girls behind as castellan. He did not understand why Lyanna should be writing Stannis, and could not help but wonder if the girl's answer might have been different if the letter had been sealed with a direwolf instead of a crowned stag, and signed by Jon Stark, Lord of Winterfell. It is too late for such misgivings. You made your choice. - Jon I, ADwD

Yes Jon, the answer would have been different because Lyanna straight out just declared for YOU! He just doesn't know it yet.

Jon took a knee. The king frowned at him, and rattled the parchment angrily. Rise. Tell me, who is Lyanna Mormont? One of Lady Maeges daughters, Sire. The youngest. She was named for my lord fathers sister.

The fact that it's LYANNA Mormont making this declaration - which GRRM reminds us of in the same discussion when Jon tells Stannis that she is named after his father's sister - just sweetens the whole deal!

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Lost Boys

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam, Superfam

Summary: After Jonathan Lane Kent wipes himself from existence by canceling his own timeline, he finds himself stuck in the afterlife where he meets Jason Todd. He still wonders about the life un-lived on Earth, and how his parents would've felt about him.

Jason Todd, who is making the most of being dead, struggles with the reality of what he's left behind. He has one wish and one wish only: to send his family one final message.

Chapters: 3/?

Characters: Jonathan Lane Kent (Laney), Jason Todd, Catherine Todd, Boston Brand, Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent, Lois Lane, John Constantine, Raven, Talia al Ghul, Ra's al Ghul, Dick Grayson, Tim Drake

Relationships: Platonic JayLaney

Additional Tags: Angst, Platonic Relationships, Magical Jason Todd, Resurrected Jason Todd, Queerplatonic Relationships, Canon Divergent AU, POV Multiple

Chapter Three: Someone Saved My Life Tonight (Laney Kent's POV)

I was so excited to go to the dance with Jason that I let it slip to Catherine that I didn't know how to dance. I just wanted to impress Jason, and I didn't realize it then, but talking to Catherine was probably the best decision I ever made in my life.

I didn't know her very well. I just knew that she was Jason's mom and that she was dead just like we were. She put on some music and started to dance.

"Doesn't matter if you can dance or not. You have to feel comfortable with yourself first," Catherine explained. It was easy for her to say. She was a good dancer. She took my hands and spun me around to get me to loosen up. I didn't want to laugh, but she eventually won that battle. Once I loosened up, it didn't really matter to me if I could dance or not. I didn't even notice that Jason came in from outside.

When I finally turned to see him standing there, I could feel my whole face heat up, and I turned my back to him. "For someone who's never danced, you're pretty good," Jason complimented before going straight to the kitchen.

I sat down at the table next to Catherine, and she looked at me for a moment as if she'd found something out about me. I shrank down in the seat and took a breath. "Jason, remember when you were little and your dad—."

Jason shook his head at her, and that was that. I didn't know anything about his birth father, and that was the first time I'd ever heard anyone mention him. Catherine opened her mouth to apologize, and Jason smiled and shook his head. "It's okay... I just don't want to talk about that," Jason reassured her, "Ma, why don't you come with us tonight? It'd be nice to see you get out of the house." I agreed with him.

She shook her head. "No, I couldn't—."

"Please? Catherine, it'll be fun," I interrupted. She finally gave in and said yes. I was a little relieved to know that she'd be coming with us. I could see Jason lighten up a little bit too. His shoulders dropped, and he came around and sat down with us.

I sometimes wondered if my mom would've loved me like Catherine loved Jason. I sometimes wondered if she would've loved me at all. I think, in a way, that scared me more than the concept of having to tell my father all the horrible things I'd done. I was so busy thinking about that, I didn't hear someone knock on the door. Catherine got up, and I blinked hard. She stepped outside and closed the door.

Jason gestured at me to look at him, and he mouthed, "Who is that?" I shrugged and went to the window to look, and I saw a ghost-like man in a red costume. "Well?"

"Some guy in a red costume with a 'D' on the chest," I explained. Jason stood up, and I grabbed his wrist. He looked like he was ready to fight someone, and it scared me to see him so angry. "No," I pleaded as I tried to hold onto him. He was stronger than he looked.

He wriggled loose and opened the door.

"What do you want with my ma?" Jason asked. I followed behind him and took hold of his wrist again. I was too scared to grab his hand. I looked at Boston and then at Jason, who had his fists balled up.

"Jason, it's okay. Boston was just asking me to the dance," Catherine reassured him as she brushed her knuckle against his cheek. "It's okay." Jason didn't move, and Catherine leaned forward and looked him in the eye. "It's okay, Sweet Pea," she whispered, and he relaxed his shoulders and went back inside.

I never thought he could be so hotheaded. He plopped down in his chair at the table. "Jason?" I whispered.

"She's gonna say no, right?" Jason asked. "She was gonna go with us. She doesn't need a date."

I opened my mouth to speak, but I realized Jason didn't want to hear my opinion. I went back to eating as I sat and listened to what he had to say. He stormed out before Catherine could come back, leaving me alone with her when she got back. "Where's Jason?" Catherine asked.

I frowned and took a sip of juice. "Why's he so upset?" I mumbled. Catherine sat across from me.

"I don't have the—. A lot of men in our life have hurt us. He's just being protective," Catherine explained, "He'll be okay once we talk."

"You aren't gonna go with him, though, right?" I questioned.

"Laney, I'm going to go with Boston, but not because I want to hurt Jason. Jason will always come first, but I have to have my own life—. Death? Afterlife? I have to have my own afterlife, Lane," Catherine replied. I fidgeted with my hands. "It'll be alright."

I started to worry after an hour passed and he didn't come back. "I'm gonna go to the lake and find him," I whispered. Catherine took a deep breath and nodded. I went out the front door and walked down to the lake, where Jason sat skipping stones with Boston.

I watched them from behind a tree. "You're not my father," Jason mumbled. I thanked whatever being responsible for super hearing. Boston looked down at Jason and nodded.

"Yeah, I know... And I'm not trying to hurt you. I just think Catherine's a real special lady," Boston whispered, "I'm not gonna hurt nobody, Jay. I can promise you that. Even if it doesn't work out, I promise I won't hurt either of you." Jason didn't look at him. He took another stone and skipped it across the lake.

Jason turned his head discreetly and looked directly at me. I froze and just stood there, staring back at him. He didn't say anything to me, but I could tell Jason knew I was listening. He flashed a smile, and I let out a breath of relief. Everything was going to be okay.

[vertigoed]

Midnight runner || Gamer!Megumi Fushiguro

Summary:

Megumi's days were usually consumed with exorcising curses, but when he wasn't fighting demons, he retreated to his room, spending hours on end gaming. For him, there was no greater thrill than killing randoms online and watching his ranking go up. But just when he thought he had seen it all, he met you - the most maddening and infuriating troll he had ever come across in a game. Little did he know that your unlikely encounter would change the course of his life forever.

MASTERLIST

Megumi popped open a can of beer and leaned over his desk to start up his monitor. As the LED lights flickered and the gears started to buzz, he closed all his curtains to make his room pitch black except for the blinding monitor screen.

An impatient sigh escaped his lips. He wished he were paid more so he could upgrade his setup. He had only bought this computer a couple of years ago, but it was already starting to lag.

He sat himself down, tapping his long fingers on the desk while waiting for the screen to load. He opened up Discord to see if any of his online friends were logged on.

Much to his dismay, none of his three friends was online that day.

He was contemplating which game to play, stuck between Rust, Call of Duty, or Stardew Valley. He ultimately decided to play Rust, a multiplayer survival game that involved hunting for resources, building up bases, and killing and raiding other players.

After what felt like an eternity, the server finally loaded and his character appeared on the screen. He quickly began running to his base to gear up before he gets killed.

"Hellooooo, FushiMegu!"

His eyebrow perked up at the female's voice calling his username and turned his character around to see who it was.

It was a naked player with the username Honeymommy98. She had nothing on her except for a wooden stick which meant he didn't have to worry about being killed as she was probably a newbie.

He decided to ignore her and continued to run to his base, soon noticing that the female player was still following him.

"Hey, wait up Fushi! Do you want to hear me sing?

Is she a troll? he thinks to himself, disgruntled at the fact that he was already getting harassed in his first game in months. He had just recovered from a brutal head injury after battling a first-grade curse, and this was the last thing he needed.

Couldn't he just play in peace? Life was already difficult enough dealing with Yuji and Gojo on a daily basis, he didn't need another troll annoying him in his downtime.

He pressed down on the volume button so that he could speak, "Fuck off," he said into his mic.

"Please, I've been killed eight times already! I just want to team up with someone-"

"I'm happy to make this your ninth time getting killed then," he replied stoically.

"That hurt my feelings!"

He didn't answer and kept going, a string of curses leaving his mouth when he realised that she was still following him. "I told you to stop following me you weirdo," this time his character throws several punches at the girl, causing her to bleed.

"You're going to make me cry, pleasee Fushimegu, you seem angry today, let me do a little performanc-"

Megumi grabbed a rock from the ground and smashed it against the player's head, causing her to die instantly in the process. He smirked at the dead character on the ground and continued his journey to his base which was located in the furthest corner of the map.

Once he entered his base which took him months to build, he began gearing his character up with a bulletproof vest and an M4 gun. His eyes drifted to the game chat screen that was popping up in the corner.

Honeymommy98: @ Fushimegu I'm coming for you, how dare you kill me like that when I'm talking to you!

Honeymommy98: fr im going to raid ur base watch ur back mf

Megumi scoffed at the ridiculousness of this person, wondering if she was like this with anyone who killed her. Seriously, it was as if she was playing just to solely pick fights with people.

Sugugu666: This monkey bitch still trolling the game? Thought you would give up after I killed you for the fifth time lol.

Your eyes widen in anger as you read the chat, watching the Sugugu666 guy trash talk you when you weren't even talking to him in the first place.

"See this is exactly why I stopped playing shit like this and only play Stardew Valley," you narrowed your eyes, murmuring under your breath while furiously typing, "Sugugu666... shut the fuck up. WHY the FUCK are you calling random people monkeys, sounds kinda fucking RACIST YOU FUCKER!"

Suddenly, you notice a group of players running towards you with knives in their hands. You decide to start running away. This is your ninth death, which means one more death, and the game will lock you out for 24 hours as your character has to recover.

You reached a secluded area and noticed a player in the distance. You start climbing a tree so you were hidden out of sight. With a smirk, you cracked your fingers and cleared your throat before pressing down the volume button to start singing.

"I guess I am a troll," you admit to yourself with a giggle. You put on your best Whitney Housten voice and began belting out I will always love you.

To be honest, you were only playing this game to annoy other players as it was hilarious to see men get triggered so easily. You had no interest in the main objective of the game and found it quite boring.

Megumi eyes twitch at the familiar voice he was hearing in the background.

"And I will always love youuuuu, ooohhhh, ohhh."

"Is she seriously singing right now?" he said to himself but continued to chop down the trees to build another item box, hoping that she'll eventually stop.

He can't bear listening to her terrible singing any longer, but no matter where he goes, he can hear her annoying voice in the background. "Where the fuck is she?" he mutters, spinning his screen around to see where the player was so that he could kill her again.

"I eeee I will always love youuu, Fushimeguuuuu."

Megumi looks up at the tree above him to see the player sitting on one of the branches. She waved and jump down. He points the gun at you, but before he can shoot, his own character starts bleeding out of nowhere.

"What the fuck?" he said under his breath, looking around to see who was shooting at him. He couldn't hear or see anyone else, other than that annoying girl.

But within a blink of an eye, four players start sprinting towards him, all of them geared with guns and wearing stealth boots that are incredibly hard to obtain unless you're at max level

"Oh fuck it's pro players," he swore and began shooting at them.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, give me a gun, you can't do 4V1!"

Megumi knew she was right- even though she probably didn't know how to aim- any support would be better than none. He reluctantly dropped one of his guns, "You better fucking know how to shoot or I'm going to kill you after I kill them," he told the girl.

The player picked up the gun and surprisingly managed to shoot one of the opposition players.

"Good one," he mumbled, fingers flying across the keyboard with lightning speed as he focused on healing himself while taking cover, "Quick, stand behind this rock!"

The girl listened and ducked behind a boulder, merely dodging a bullet that would've been a sure kill.

"Wait can you give me some health? Kinda on a brink of death!"

Megumi's mouse hovered over the few health potions he had left. He let out an exasperated sigh and dropped the potion so she could take it.

"Thanks love, for this, I'll do a little solo performance for you later. Now watch me fuck these motherfuckers up!"

"Please don't," he answered, but before he could tell her what to do next, she was already in action.

Megumi watched in disbelief as the player sprang back up from the boulder, shooting with impeccable accuracy and executing maneuvers he had only seen with proper gamers. He was shocked to see how good she was as he was under the impression that she was a newbie.

"Damn," he spoke into his mic, looking down at the dead players. He bent down to take their guns and their boots, "You played this before?"

"No, I downloaded this for the first time, I'm amazing right? Tell me how good I am!"

He rolled his eyes. The arrogance of the player reminded him of a particular teacher he knew. "Hurry up and take your share," he said dismissively.

"This game's kinda ass," the player begun putting on the dead character's armour and gun, "It's so easy too."

"How are you so good at this game? Are you hacking?"

"Pfft! Don't accuse me of such sin! I use to be like super good at Call of duty and then I stopped playing because too many trolls, incels and hackers."

"You're a troll yourself," Megumi retorted with a snort.

"I know right?" the girl laughed, "Now that you know how overpowered I am, are you going to let me team up with you?"

"I'm going to have to ask my team first, they're not online today but I guess if I ever see you on this game again, I suppose you would be useful," he answered truthfully. As much as he hated to admit it, the girl was more skilled than him.

"Okay, well let me add you on discord then!"

"Why not just be friends on this game?" Megumi asked, he wasn't too keen on the idea as he had a feeling she'd be constantly spamming him on there.

"I don't know, I just wanna add you on there, is that okay? Or do you think you're too good for me after I saved your ass?"

"Well, you're kinda annoying."

"I see how it is, don't blame me when I raid your base later on then," she sighed dramatically.

His eyes flickered with annoyance, running his fingers through his dark hair.

"Is that a threat?"

"It's only a threat if you keep being an absolute cunt to me."

And so, just like that, Megumi was left with no other choice but to begrudgingly add her to the app.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　 ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　 ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　 ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　 ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

im so obsessed with my love for yamada lvl 999 and megumi just reminds me of the male MC. This might be my fave series so i hope it doesn't flop

like for part 2 :)

[liptonwashere]

only you (and you alone)

(i wanted to upload this earlier, but my respiratory allergy has struck again and i am fighting for my life 😂) hi @hell-it-was-you! i'm your assigned writer for the HBO war short story exchange. i've never written a story in English before so this is a first for me, and it was fun! i hope you like it. thank you for participating in this exchange, and thanks to those who organized it! 🫶

show: band of brothers

ship: speirton

word count: 999 words

fanfiction prompts: a private bet at officers poker night. a drunken very sloppy confession of feelings

warnings: none

a/n: they're so silly here. i'm sorry lmao

Ron often wondered about the how's and why's as a puzzle he must resolve at any cost. Most likely, he wondered about those matters that didn't really need a resolution outside the battlefield.

Whenever a dead soldier’s face appeared in his dreams—a name he could barely remember—and Ron’s façade would crumble down, asking himself, ‘Why are we still fighting?’

He had no idea.

Following orders felt natural to him. In and of itself, Speirs belonged to that certainty and what it involved: the rush.

His heart pounding loudly in his ears, and not a single doubt disturbing him. Later, Ron'd think about how in the hell he was still alive.

He wouldn't tell anyone about his thoughts.

Perhaps it was luck. Some people were lucky, and some were not. These questions always got him into an endless spiral, and he dawned on a new, unfair question.

Ron was so far beyond surprise he couldn't even open his mouth. He stared at Carwood, half-heartedly hearing Harry and Nixon, cards strewn all over the table, and drinks of whiskey Nix looted for each of them.

And Speirs wondered and wondered and wondered. Even after losing another hand.

He slumped his shoulders; what a lost cause.

How was it possible that Lieutenant Lipton was able to so easily read all of his moves? Infuriating. And what was more than infuriating? The unsolved why.

Why did he keep waiting for it? To be read by him?

Was it the rush?

Was it the way Lipton, with his lazy smirk and flushed, rosy cheeks, glanced at him like he knew what he was doing?

Probably.

Lip looked back at him through his lidded eyes, and Ron took a deep breath to ground himself.

He was getting sidetracked.

They had been drinking for hours when Harry and Nix called it a night. Ron could tell by Harry’s slurred speech and the unsteadiness of his feet that he was tipsy. Nix stood up, completely unaffected by what he’d drunk, and mocked a cheerful Lipton—the drunkest of them—by telling him to drink more wisely the next time. Nix, of all people.

Ron promised them to take care of him before the officers left.

He began to regret it.

Who would have thought Lipton was the silliest and most talkative drunk?

The room seemed to float around like a boat, making Lipton stumble around when he tried to stand. He was about to take the whole bottle, but Speirs stopped him by his wrist.

"Don't."

Lip read the stern expression on Ron's face and shook his head. "I'm not that drunk, sir."

"You’ve had too much. I can’t give you any more."

Ron placed a hand over Lip's shoulders, and he leaned into his touch. Not a single complaint from Carwood, just following his CO. As usual.

He carried him to their shared billet. Ron squinted at the darkness, swallowing the light, and was careful in his walking. A difficult task when Lipton couldn't stop talking soothingly into his ear.

"Remember when… you ran straight through the German line at Foy… and came back unscathed?"

Ron's eyes crinkled; he couldn't hold his smile for much longer.

"I remember it."

"You were… the bravest man I've ever seen… I’ll never forget that… as long as I live."

Lip did not speak afterward; his eyes were fixed on Speirs. His heart might burst at any moment, mesmerized by the sight.

Ron found he was still staring.

"Like what you see?"

That snapped Lipton out of the trance, blinking in his direction. He laughed, and his hot breath sent shivers down Ron's spine.

"I always do, sir." Lip said, matter-of-factly.

The conviction in Carwood's voice surprised Ron. They have been keeping things professional, but the major breakthrough came almost by accident.

Ron smiled, and controlled by a force outside himself, he whispered, tongue in cheek, "Are you flirting with me, Lieutenant?"

Lipton was silent for a good minute. It was so long that Speirs checked if he was still awake.

"Now that I think of it… I am, sir."

A straightforward answer that caught Ron off guard. Again. His face turned up to Lip in awe as he continued.

"I know… I'm not supposed to want you." Lipton closed his eyes. The words were just too difficult to force out of his own mouth. Finally, he managed to slur, "But I do."

And of course, Speirs wouldn't waste Lip's honesty.

"So you want me?"

Lipton glanced at Ron's lips, unaware that Ron was doing the same.

Carwood didn't bother to consider the consequences. The whiskey was causing him to say things he wouldn't have said otherwise, and he might blame himself for it in the morning, but not tonight.

"Yessir."

Ron hummed in response, amused.

Speirs had to hold himself back from kissing him. He knew by then that he never wanted anything more than to have Carwood's lips over his.

He thought about catching the nape of Carwood's neck and pulling him forward, cherishing a sweet gasp from his mouth. Ron let his thoughts run wild, Lip's fingers tangled into his curls to hold him closer, and the taste of whiskey in—

That would have to wait.

It was just a moment, but Ron's question had already been answered.

Neither of them said a word, just looking into each other's eyes and knowing the untold truth.

Carwood tilted his head from side to side, frowning. He had started to feel the effects of the alcohol long before he sobered up, so Ron made him drink a full glass of water before allowing him to lie down and sleep.

Settling in for his shut-eye, Lip mumbled.

"Good night, sir."

Ron chuckled unabashedly. How funny. Calling him "sir" after confessing his feelings, drunk and sloppy.

He pondered how Lipton would behave during his inevitable morning hangover.

"It's Ron."

Lip repeated to himself his name, a tender whisper, and he didn't know the effect it had on Speirs.

"Good night, Ron."

[fncreature]

One Hell of a Day - Benthan

In which Ethan and Benji don’t talk for ninety minutes, and then say too much in the few that follow

A/N: This took. So long to write. But it was fun! I love writing them :D Also this is the first fic I’ve posted in probably a year, so… we’ll see how this goes! Enjoy!

Warnings: Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning spoilers (Fic is set after the events of the movie), Ethan & Benji might be kinda ooc, the dumbest realization I’ve ever written, badly paced imo

The silence in the car is thick and hot and absolutely insufferable.

Ethan, although he detestes it, longs for it to last. He doesn’t want to say a word to anyone, not until he’s able to compose himself- really compose himself, not so he could convince everyone else that he was alright, but to convince himself. Ilsa was gone. Grace was in Kittridge’s hands, and he was barely trustworthy. It was him and Benji, and until they got Grace back, it would be for a while. He needs the quiet. He hadn’t had a minute to breathe- or to grieve.

Benji, however, would like nothing more than to start asking as many questions as he can think of, as quickly as possible. Ethan had pressed the key into his hands, put a hand on his shoulder for a moment, and headed into the car. He hadn’t said anything to him since he’d told Ethan to literally jump off a cliff, and hadn’t heard a word since. The look on Ethan’s face set the tone for anything he needed to know and the fact that he was alone was even worse. He’s never liked the quiet, his nervous habit was to break it. It’s almost unbearable, watching him stare into the distance with his head pressed against the window like he wasn’t right there, unsure of anything that’d happened in the last half hour.

But that was Ethan, or at least that was the way he showed himself to Benji.

That is what he tells himself.

He doesn’t even know where he’s going. He just drives, taking exits every once and a while until Ethan is ready to tell him anything, anything, especially where he wants to go.  After more than an hour of driving in circles, he can’t take it anymore. “Ethan, where the hell do you want me to be going?” 

“I don’t know” He whispers, not even taking a glance towards Benji. “I don’t know. Anywhere we can rest for a night.” 

(Ethan doesn’t know what he’s doing. He has no idea where the hell to start)

He almost sounds mad. Guilty, sure. Forlorn. It’s been a hell of a day for him, Benji would admit that. It’s been a hell of a day for them both, but Ethan had jumped off a cliff. That, unquestioningly, takes the cake for having “one hell of a day”. 

He has no idea where the hell anything nearby is. They’d never go to a chain hotel, too many cameras, too many people around. Benji can’t remember the last time he’s slept in a Marriott. A motel, maybe, but he hated motels. They were unsettling. Bad things happened in motels. He much preferred when Ethan had them staying in a B&B, usually small ones in the middle of nowhere.

(Ethan likes B&Bs. They’re homey. He hasn’t had a home in a while)

Today, to Benji’s dismay, today is a motel day. Motels are unsafe, but for the most part, they are anonymous. They don’t talk to the police. They don’t remember you. Benji hates motels, but today is a motel day. He knows it.

“Could you pass me my phone?” He asks quietly. Ethan passes it over, still barely looking at him. 

He feels bad, truly. Ilsa was gone. Grace, he had no idea. Nothing good. Luther had left. He can’t imagine how hurt he feels- how hurt he is. They hadn’t had a moment to breathe in days, and if Ethan isn’t banged up at all, then he’s invincible. 

(Ethan always wishes he wasn’t)

He does a messy search for motels in the maps app and hands the phone to Ethan once a list of some nearby pops up. Part of him wonders what Ethan would even be looking for. Bad reviews? How far were they from everything? Security, or lack thereof? 

Ethan puts the phone on the dashboard. The motel is another twenty minutes away. Twenty minutes of silent hell for Benji.

(Twenty minutes of self-consolation for Ethan)

Benji wants to shatter the silence like glass. He hates it, and Ethan isn’t helping. If he’d just- if he would say anything, anything, or if he’d just… He doesn’t know what he wants from Ethan. He knows he shouldn’t expect this much from him- he’s been through so much in the past week, why can’t he let the man rest? It’s not like he wants to stop him. But he craves Ethan’s voice, Ethan’s reassurances that whatever would happen, he would handle it. He needs it. 

Today, he’d gotten nothing. He’d gotten the key to the end of the world, a hand on his shoulder, and silence. There’s nothing that’s more reassuring to him than Ethan’s comfort, even if he knows that he’s lying. He always pulls through, and he always makes sure Benji’s with him. 

He always did. He always had. He always would. He always would. Right?

It’s not over yet. They had the key, and he hoped Ethan knew what it unlocked. And he made it out visibly unscathed, which surely counted for something. But he wasn’t talking. And that… Grace wasn’t dead. She wasn’t. He knew Ethan, and he knew it messed him up when he lost someone, and he knew that he cared, maybe even too much, but…

He’d known Grace for a few days. He’d lost Ilsa and he would still speak to them, although it took him a bit. He just-

He doesn’t know. A part of him can just tell. He just knows how Ethan is, and this isn’t him grieving. Not… not newly grieving. 

He doesn’t know.

He wants to break the silence.

He doesn’t want to hurt Ethan by doing so.

Benji swallows hard, trying to swallow down his thoughts, eyes glancing up to the rear-view mirror. He tells himself to watch the road, but… He’s watching Ethan. 

(Ethan stares out the window. He can see Benji in the reflection)

His sharp eyes are slightly unfocused, staring at the scenery passing by in a blur of green and gray. His dark hair is tousled and messy, strands falling down in his face. He looks… younger, almost, head resting on the window, turtleneck up just slightly too high.  

Benji pulls into the motel lot.

He’s about to ask if Ethan wants to go in, or if he should, but he’s already getting out of the car. Benji swallows, blinking a few times, mouth open to say something but says nothing. 

His hands rest on the wheel, and when he looks down, he realizes that he’s trembling. He shouldn’t be trembling, why is he shaking? He’s not scared. He’s not scared. Why would he be scared? 

He has the key to the world as he knows it in his pocket. Why would he be scared?

(Ethan is scared)

Benji watches Ethan emerge from the office, a pair of keys in his hand. 

Its’s ironic, isn’t it? Benji has the key that is keeping them from safety. Ethan has the one that will give it to them for a moment.

Ethan steps back into the car, nodding to the left side of the parking lot, the keys jingling in his hands. He pulls the car into the farthest spot to the left, allowing Ethan to get out first and lead him to the room. Benji locks the car. Ethan leads him up the weathered and, in Benji’s opinion, flimsy stairs to the room. 

He’ll pretend that he’s fine with their room not being on the ground level. Ground level rooms were easier to escape from. He didn’t want to need to jump from a balcony, even if it was one floor up. He tells himself he’s being paranoid, but he can’t tell himself that he’s not overreacting. 

He’s with Ethan- Nothing’s safe for long. 

He unlocks the door to the room, and Benji shuts the door behind them.  Two twin beds mark either wall, a desk opposite the further bed and a small bathroom in the back on the room. The dresser’s in between the bed, and a small chair is in the corner beside the door, along with a lamp.

“Pretty shitty layout for a motel room” Benji remarks, without thinking.

To his surprise, Ethan nods. 

His heart is racing. He didn’t- and Ethan had just nodded. They stand there for a moment too long, Benji a step in front of the door, Ethan two paces in front of him, Benji staring at Ethan, Ethan staring at the wall.

Benji can’t take it.

“I- I’m going to get my laptop from the car.” He says, drawing Ethan’s eyes as he speaks, pointing back to the door before quickly rushing out of the room and down the stairs. He can’t breathe. Why can’t he breathe? His heart is going a million miles a minute. 

He’s not scared. He’s not scared. He’s not scared. He’s-

He walks to the car, still breathing hard, still shaking. Why is he scared? Why now? They’ve always been doing things like this-  He’s been in the field with Ethan since the Kremlin. They’d been working together for even longer. Whether it’d been with Brandt and Jane, or Luther, or Ilsa, he’d-

Oh.

Oh.

They were alone. With each other. This hadn’t happened before. And he was panicking out because he was alone. With Ethan. 

Oh no.

He was alone with Ethan and he was panicking because of Ethan. Because of Ethan. He was shaking and his heart was racing because of Ethan. Ethan. Ethan, who would die for his friends and had always looked out for Benji and was making his heart race for some-

Oh.

Oh.

It made sense. The unquestioning trust and unwavering loyalty- of course. He liked Ethan. The nervous blabbering, the way he found his eyes drawn to him… God. It was so damn obvious. Hindsight, as it always is, is 20/20. He liked Ethan. 

He- He didn’t- Ethan- No. He couldn’t feel that way about Ethan. He couldn’t. He was Ethan’s friend. They were friends. That was all they were and all they are and all they would be. Benji opens the backseat of the car, grabbing his laptop from where he’d set it, swallowing hard and trying to stop thinking. About everything.

He clutches the laptop to his chest and slams the car door. 

“Benji”

Ethan’s voice is hoarse and soft behind him, and almost jarring. He hadn’t heard Ethan speak for a while, and the area was nearly silent, beside the sound of cars going by.

“I- You were out here for a while. I was getting worried.” He says.

Benji blinks.

He inhales. “I’m fine, I just-” Ethan steps towards him. 

“Benji, I-” Ethan inhales, pausing for a moment, “Listen, I’m sorry about earlier, and I’m sorry for not telling you anything and making you want to leave, but…” He holds the laptop against his chest, anxious, now somehow unable to talk to him. He just- Why was it awkward now? Why was it nerve-wracking to breathe when Ethan was looking at him. It was Ethan. His Ethan, who he’d known for years. He’d never felt like this around him. Why did it need to be like this now?

“It’s fine.” Benji says. He stares down at the asphalt. “Really, I’m- I’m sure you’ve- A lot happened today. It’s fine.” 

Ethan looks away, and he knows that Ethan doesn’t believe him.

He wonders, again, how battered Ethan must be. He hadn’t thought about it since he’d landed, but- He’d told the man to drive off a cliff and parachute onto a train. He wasn’t unscathed. Ethan, although he appears as such, isn’t invincible. 

He walks a bit closer, their feet barely a foot or two away from each other. “I’m sorry. Really. And I should’ve told you about what happened earlier, so we can figure out what to do next.” What comes next? He has no idea, and if Ethan has somewhere to start, then something big happened on that train. 

(Ethan has somewhere to start. And blood stained on his hands)

“It’s- It’s okay, Ethan. I could tell the second you looked at me that something had happened. I  never expected you to be forward with me, and I’m used to it. It’s fine.” He says, trying to be honest without being too honest. Being fully honest meant telling Ethan why it wasn’t fine. 

So he isn’t. He will lie to Ethan and will continue to do so until… when? He wants to? He feels like it? One of them fucks up and he doesn’t have any other choice?

It’ll probably be the latter.

“Benji. Benji. Just be honest with me, yeah? If you’re- If you don’t want to do this, if you can’t handle this, it’s okay. I’m- This is the weight of the world on our shoulders, and if you don’t want that, it’s okay.” Ethan says earnestly, in a way that makes Benji’s heart jump in a way that should be dangerous. 

What if he said no to Ethan? If he told him it was too much for him? He wouldn’t, of course- he couldn’t. Leaving Ethan, grieving, with the weight of the world on his shoulders and being hunted by most governments, by himself would be like shoving him off a cliff. 

But knowing Ethan, he’d manage to catch himself and climb back up.

He shouldn’t feel like this. He shouldn’t want to leave, and he shouldn’t want to kiss Ethan in the middle of an empty parking lot with the weight of the world on their shoulders. He shouldn’t be imagining what Ethan’s lips taste like. Ethan’s his colleague and his friend and nothing more than that.

“Of course not. I can handle myself.” He knows the words are coming out of his mouth already, but he doesn’t know if he’s lying or not. 

“You’re shaking.” Ethan notes with the slightest tilt of his head. 

He’s got to laugh this off. He’s got to laugh this off. “I’ve got the most dangerous object in the world in my back pocket, Ethan, I don’t know what you’d expect.”

Perfect. Perfect. That sounded like him, it was logical, it was perfect. He was not going to accidentally confess that he liked Ethan. He could not, would not, and should not. 

He raises an eyebrow. “You were sitting on that thing while you were driving?” Benji stifles a laugh. He shrugs, trying to keep himself from smiling. It’s… It’s funny. The thing itself wasn’t even dangerous, but it’s power was immense, and he was sitting on it for ninety minutes in a rental car. 

Ethan glances to the ground, a smile hinting at the edges of his lips, brow raised. “Do you want me to take it?” 

“Oh, absolutely.” He slips the golden key out of his pocket, the white and red gems on each half glinting in the gently fading light. Benji outstretches his hand to him, turning slightly to set his laptop on the roof of the car.

Benji would like nothing to do with the key. The smartest thing to do would be throwing the thing to the bottom of the ocean, but… Well, it almost already had been. He holds out the key to Ethan, who, after a moment of staring, gently takes the key from Benji’s hand, fingers lingering in his hand for a second too long. He closes his hand around the key and tucks it in his back pocket.

Benji raises an eyebrow, and Ethan shoots him a warm smile. He’s not thinking about Ethan’s smile anymore, though. He’s thinking about his hands, the soft touch of his fingers as he’d taken the key. He’d always made a habit of glancing at Ethan’s hands after a fight- he’d never admit it, but it was his way of telling how bad things had gone without him seeing or needing to ask. Bruised knuckles were essentially nothing. But there were times when he’d see Ethan’s hands littered with cuts and scrapes from falling, bruises all along his hands, and he wouldn’t say anything, but put bandages and something for his inevitable pain where Ethan would find it. 

Today, Ethan’s hands were littered with tiny cuts absolutely everywhere, his knuckles bruised. He assumes broken glass. But he won’t push. 

For the second time in this conversation, he has no idea what to say. It’s unlike him, it always has been, and he knows Ethan knows that, too. He doesn’t even think before the words spill out of his mouth, “You should get some rest.” He looks up from the pavement. “You should, too. We’ve gotta be ready for what comes next.”

Again, Ethan brings up the future. Benji wishes he wouldn’t. It would be so much easier not to think about Gabriel or Grace or Ilsa, or the key he’d handed to Ethan moments ago, or how the world's governments would kill them to get it. It would be so much easier to tell Ethan a simple I love you and kiss him against the car until they weren’t thinking about anything but each other. 

God, it would be easier.

And god, would it be cowardly. And Benji Dunn is not a coward. He’s not. He is so many things, but a coward is not one of them.

No matter what he tells himself.

He’s not a coward, but he is scared. He is absolutely scared. He sighs, opening his mouth to say one thing before deciding on another:

“What does come next, Ethan?” 

 He looks so unsure, a crease forming in his brow that Benji has known to recognize when Ethan was left speechless. He’d never done it. Honestly, it was cute.

So he continues, not thinking of where his words are going before he says them. “I don’t know what happened back there, and frankly, if it doesn’t provide some new, life-altering information, I don’t think I want to know. So tell me, Ethan, what the plan is. I will blindly follow you to the ends of the earth if you need me to, and I won’t even be surprised anymore. But I trust you, and I hope you know that you can trust me, so just tell me what you want to do. I’ll do it. I’ll do it.” 

He’s never seen a look like this on Ethan- It’s a mix of confusion and disappointment, sadness and some form of grief. He’s completely speechless, just looking to the ground near Benji’s feet.

God, he wants to kiss him.

Ethan swallows, letting out a breath, speaking hoarsely. “You shouldn’t.” (Grace did. Ilsa did. Julia did. He didn’t want Benji to.)

He doesn’t know what else to say, other than, “Why?” 

“It just gets people hurt, Benji. Or killed. I- I won’t let that happen to you.” He spits bitterly, still unable to meet Benji’s eyes. 

His heart races. “I will follow you to the ends of the earth, Ethan, if you want me to or not. If you need me, I will be there, whether you want me to be or not. I trust you, and there is very little you can to to sever that, Ethan, because-” He stops himself just in time. Because I love you. Because he loves him. There is no other word to describe the way he feels about Ethan Hunt. And he was about to fuck it all up, by telling him this. 

“Because?” Ethan asks, finally looking up, but still not at him. 

Benji swallows. Because he’s Ethan’s friend? Because he trusts him more than anyone? Because the bond they have is built on years of trust and trauma and everything that can’t be put in words? “Because I love you,” Is still the thing that slips out of Benji’s mouth, no matter how much he doesn’t want to say as such. 

Ethan doesn’t say a word, locking eyes with Benji as he takes another step forward, hand moving to rest on Benji’s shoulder.

And then he’s being kissed, hard, one of Ethan’s hands making its way to his back as the other remains on his shoulder. And then he’s kissing back, feeling Ethan’s chapped lips on his own as he leans forward into the agent. Benji’s hands move onto Ethan’s chest and around his waist, his warm cheeks crashing into Ethan’s as his breathing goes a million miles a minute. 

He’s been kissed before, but never like this. This was what it was supposed to be like, when people described it in stories and movies. His previous kisses had been quick and messy and nothing like this. This was warm and perfect and something that meant so much more, and as they separate for breath, all Benji can do is stare into his green-blue eyes. 

“We- I-” He tries to say something but it doesn’t come out right. “We should go inside. Safer. More private.” 

He just wants to kiss Ethan again, but doesn’t protest. He’s right, of course, but they stand there frozen for another moment, wrapped in each other’s arms, until Ethan moves his hand back up to Benji’s shoulder and lets out a light breath, accompanied by a smile. 

Benji presses another peck to his lips. 

“Inside” Ethan presses, grabbing the laptop from the top of the car behind them, and Benji grabs it from his hands and pulls him up the stairs, watching him pull the key to their room and open the door. The brunette pulls him through the doorway and kisses him against the door, pushing his head back and forcing the laptop against his chest for a moment until Ethan stops suddenly.

“Did you lock the car?” 

“No,” Benji laughs, but he just wishes that Ethan would shut up and kiss him again. He fishes through his front pockets and produces the key, and Ethan takes it from his hands and lets Benji move from the door before stepping out to the front overhang to lock the car. Meanwhile, Benji grabs a cup of water and fills it up, sipping it carefully, trying to slow his racing heart.

Ethan looks at him from the doorway, sunset fading beautifully behind him, smiling. “Geez, we’ve had one hell of a day, haven’t we?”

Benji smiles, setting the glass down and pushing the door shut, kissing Ethan again.

[toujokaname]

Matrix / Epilogue 1

Author: Akira

Characters: Hiiro, Aira, Mayoi, Tatsumi, HiMERU, Niki, Kohaku

"Hehe, how beautiful, Aira."

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[ Read on my site for a better viewing experience using Ois~su ♪ ]

Season: Winter

Location: Matrix Stage

Hiiro: "♪~♪~♪"

Aira: "~...♪"

Hiiro: Hehe, how beautiful, Aira.

Aira: Eh, wha? Why're you praising me all of a sudden?

Hiiro: Ah, wait, Aira is beautiful, but so is this scenery.

Mayoi: What are these things, some kind of floating lanterns...? The lights floating in the air are beautiful, but since their principles are unknown, it's a bit scaryyy...

Tatsumi: Yes, it's a truly mystical experience. Though calling it a miracle seems somewhat contrived.

Hiiro: I think they're using our hometown's technology to ignore gravity and make lanterns float.

Aira: In the end, we didn't really understand much about Hiro-kun's hometown, did we...

What we've been constantly revolving around, it's like a fake or made out of papier-mâché, right?

Hiro-kun's actual hometown was just a faint outline in the distance. In the end, the most crucial parts remain a mystery.

Hiiro: If you'd like, I can show you around normally someday, Aira.

But according to the rules, only blood relatives are allowed to enter.

So, if you want to visit my hometown, you'd have to join my bloodline—become part of my family.

What I mean is, you'd have to marry me.

Aira: Why is that part seen as commonplace in a backward village...?

Hiiro: You do like that kind of village after all, don't you, Aira? ♪

Aira: Nuh-uh, I've had my fill of it... I just wanna return to my familiar environment and live comfortably.

There's no place like home.

Hiiro: Umu. In that sense, my home has long since become ES or Seisoukan.

I might not be knowledgeable enough to guide anyone around yet, but I think I can at least manage things like food reviews to showcase to everyone.

Aira: Hiro-kun, you've grown too, huh...

Tatsumi: Yes. Truly...♪

Mayoi: Personally, I wish you wouldn't grow! I want you to remain forever innocent and pure, like a child...!

Tatsumi: Mayoi-san.

Mayoi: Eeeek?! I'm sorryy, it was a joke! Even if I was serious, I'll pretend it was a joke!

Tatsumi: Indeed, I recognize that children are adorable, but it's sinful to deny them of their growth.

To not grow is to be as good as dead.

Idols are often expected to embody eternal symbols, but we are living, breathing human beings. And I find that the beauty and charm of humanity lies in that fact.

If there is such a thing as a "real idol," it can only come from a living person.

Only we, as living human beings, can embody the brilliance and preciousness that can never be replicated by machines manufactured in factories.

That's what I believe. Let's hold onto that belief and continue to live as idols today and in the days to come.

Amen. Surely, God wishes for that as well.

Let us follow the example set by the children, repent, and grow to be pure, righteous, and beautiful.

Mayoi: Yes! I'm really scared, so I'll strive to live wholesomely enough to avoid being scolded with Tatsumi-san's sermons ever again! I sweaaar! 

"~♪ ~♪ ~♪"

Tatsumi: "♪~♪~♪"

Fufu. How lovely. Heaven is meant for beings like them.

You think so too, don't you, HiMERU-san?

HiMERU: Why are you asking "me"?

Tatsumi: Well, I wonder why indeed... Both in the past and even now, I feel like you're the person who sympathizes with me the most.

HiMERU: Just as incomprehensible as ever, aren't you.

Well, it's fine, even if it's somewhat bothersome to see Tatsumi looking happy for no reason.

Besides, HiMERU probably doesn't wish for you to be unhappy, either.

Tatsumi: You talk about yourself as if it were someone else's concern.

HiMERU: Because that's the kind of character HiMERU is. At all times, he's a calm and collected idol who can look at himself objectively.

Isn't that right, Shiina? Oukawa?

Niki: "♪~♪~♪"

"Banzaaai~! Banzaaai~! I've got no idea what's going on as usual, but it sounds like there's something to celebrate, so banzaaai~!"

Kohaku: Niki-han, Niki-han, looks like HiMERU-han wants attention.

Niki: Wait, what's this all of a sudden?! I don't really get it, but can you clue me in on how to reply so HiMERU-kun won't flip out?!

Kohaku: I think any compliment'll work for HiMERU-han.

Niki: For real? Then... You're amazing, HiMERU-kun! Kyaaa, calm and collected, sooo cool!

HiMERU: HiMERU's irritated, so he'll punch you.

Niki: Why?! Geez, HiMERU-kun's been absorbing too much of Rinne-kun's ruthless influence lately!

HiMERU: Ruthlessness, huh. Yes, that's exactly right.

Kohaku: That so? Doesn't it seem that this time he was actin' with a good motive, like wantin' to repay a favor to someone who took care of him?

HiMERU: Depending on which part you emphasize, that perception can change. Rinne certainly went to great lengths to repay the debts of gratitude from his past.

However, for that reason, all of us were thoroughly manipulated and pushed around—

As Rinne also made sure to mimic ES as an act of spiteful retaliation, HiMERU can't readily praise him as a fully virtuous person.

Niki: Spiteful?

HiMERU: This time, ES made us do a wrestling performance. They manufactured a nonexistent grudge and arranged for ALKALOID and Crazy:B to face off—

They forced us to enact a phony "fateful showdown," claiming that it was what the fans wanted.

ES tried to twist the stories we've been weaving thus far, disregarding our very lives, and bending them to their convenience.

All for the sake of audience ratings, sales, and other profits.

[ ☆ ]

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[bellygunnr]

Tomorrow and Our Other Futures

My half of an Art Trade with the wonderful @twilighthomunculusart / @twilighthomunculus

This was a total blast to write!! Thank you!!

-----

Humidity makes the air stuffy and warm, thick to breathe, but Kai sucks it in anyway, grimacing as sweat collects against his skin, perspiring happily around folded joints and scrunched fabric. He has to swap his phone ear to ear to dry his palms, half in the mind to put Kyoichi on speaker phone just to avoid the hassle, but something stops him. Maybe it’s how public his apartment is, or how well sound carries from balcony to balcony. He doesn’t want anyone having the entire conversation, but maybe he should duck back inside anyway. It’s getting late.

“You know, me and Seiji were considering heading up to Fuji Speedway,” Kyoichi says, voice crackling slightly over the phone. “That’s near you, right?”

“Close enough,” Kai says slowly. “I haven’t-- I’ve been focusing on more local things. Haven’t hit there yet, so…”

Shuffling on the other end of the line. Something dark flits across Kai’s vision. He tracks it to the railing, where light floating up from below illuminates the shell of a beetle. Bits of wing stick out from its carapace.

“So what? You should come with us. We’ll crash at your place for the weekend, since the drive’s so long. Sound good?”

“Woah, hey. I’m cool with coming-- you know that. You sure you want to crash here, though?”

His apartment’s tiny. Barely more than a studio setup, with most fixtures a combined room except the closet and bathroom. Not to mention all the stuff he still hasn’t unpacked. Really, he’s been living out of his MR-S more than his room.

Kyoichi mumbles something unintelligible. The faint click of a lighter twinges Kai’s inner ear, followed by the snap of a zippo. Kai can see it perfectly in his mind’s eye, and, fuck.

It’s only been a couple weeks since he’s moved out. No one was particularly friendly in Tochigi, but Kanagawa is a new type of hell, trying to meet people. He’s lonely. He’d had a routine-- and now?

“Can’t be any worse than my place, Kai,” Kyoichi says.

The beetle flares its carapace, stretching out its wings. Kanagawa even has different bugs. The summer works differently. The pavement on the touge is an unfamiliar formula. Kyoichi, at least, is the same, voice tight with a perpetual edge of being irritated.

“Got that right,” Kai snorts. “Alright, okay. When should I expect you guys, huh?”

“Dunno. Guess you’ll have to call Seiji for that. It’s late here-- good night, Kai.”

The cell goes dead. Kai stares at the screen with bemusement, Kyoichi’s words echoing in his head. He’d gotten breathless and rushed, there, at the end, probably because he started having an emotion. Maybe one of them should have started an argument instead.

But he can’t deny that he feels a little better.

—

The Evo III slides up next to his MR-S like it was always meant to park there and Kai just stares at its glossy black paint, throat choked, until the doors pop open and the remnants of Team Emperor come spilling out. Kyoichi runs his hands through his hair, headwear tucked into the collar of his shirt, betraying the impact the day had on him. Opposite of him, Seiji stretches, groaning loudly as he chases off the aches of riding in a stiff sports car. 

“Well! That was fun,” Seiji says. “Oh, shit, Kyoichi, pop the trunk, will you? I just remembered–”

Kai tilts his head, watching silently. Kyoichi waves a dismissive hand and tosses his keys at Seiji, who catches them without looking halfway to the rear of the car. The parking lot lights frame them perfectly, throwing them into that stark relief so reminiscent of Iroha’s slopes. Maybe something’s wrong with him, or maybe that’s all he’s ever known, and dealing with change is– hard.

“You guys better not have gotten me anything,” Kai calls. “I didn’t get you anything!”

“Obviously,” Kyoichi says.. “And if you had, I’d hit you. Go on, we’ll catch up.”

Kyoichi has the nerve to wave Kai on. Sputtering, but compliant, Kai turns on his heel and hurries up to the upper level. At least this way, he’d have time to pick up a little…

Not that he hadn’t already! Kai had spent the better part of a week making sure his stupid flat looked presentable. Some boxes got unpacked, he scrounged up some extra bedding, and he even had food in the fridge. Drinks, too. It’d have to do.

He has enough time to shove a few things into unseen corners before there’s knocking on his door. He hurries to open it with a flourish, only to gape at the gift brandished in Kyoichi’s hand.

“You guys didn’t have to get me anything,” Kai laughs. “Is that–?”

“Sake,” Seiji sings. “And movies. And an extra futon.”

Kyoichi’s footsteps are loud and heavy as he crosses the threshold. Kai wonders if he looks this huge everywhere, or just here. Seiji takes up room, too, but he slips in far more delicately from behind and immediately sets to untying his boots, overnight bag pinned under an arm.

“The movies were Seiji’s idea,” Kyoichi says with a grunt. So we’re watching them because he’ll be sad if we don’t goes unsaid.

Kai accepts the proffered gift of sake, the shiny wrapping crinkling against his arms. He’d have to get cups, and maybe popcorn, even as he reels at the sudden turn of events. Really – this was a lot. This was downright sappy for Kyoichi, no matter how dour he looks. It’s saccharine. 

—

They never flipped on the lights. In the dark, they’d shoved everything over and made the bedding, spearheaded by Seiji’s giddiness, leaving Kai feeling– pleased but unbalanced. The sake helped settle him a little, but not even it could soften the sharp sensation of Kyoichi’s arm around his shoulders. When he steals a glance at him, all he sees is a barely-suppressed smile and a pink flush across his face.

The movie is a quiet one. Foreign, either French or American, Kai can’t tell, but it’s good. Seiji leans his full weight onto Kai throughout it, humming.

“Do… either of you… know what’s going on?” Kai manages to squeak out.

“Car race,” Seiji says, with a grim inflection. “It’s good.”

Well. Yeah. Kai snorts a laugh. He’s not wrong.

“Where did you even get this from, Seiji? What happened to Perfect Blue?”

“Oh, yeah, Perfect Blue. Great buddy film,” Kai says, giggling. He grips his sake closer to his chest. “I saw it in theatres awhile ago.”

“You were a baby awhile ago,” Kyoichi responds, flicking his shoulder. “Seriously, Seij–”

Seiji flaps a placating but dismissive hand, then throws his arm around both Kyoichi and Kai, dragging them closer. The pile of pillows and blankets they’ve wrested onto the floor with them shifts haphazardly. Music and noise blare from the television as one of the quintessential car races goes belly-up.

Kai stares as the scene is repeated from every angle. He thinks about SW20s, autumn, and dangerous hairpins. He thinks about the blind corner in the track he hit last week. It’s all part of the game, here. He needs to rotate his tires. 

A strong hand tugs his drink out from his grip. 

“Hey!” Kai says, grabbing for it.

“No,” Kyoichi grunts, and downs it. “Stop looking so maudlin. You’re giving me depression.”

“If it helps, I got the movie from Fumihiro,” Seiji says conversationally. “And you already have–”

Kai squints at the screen, theft momentarily forgotten. Who the hell was Fumihiro? Kyoichi seems to know, as he has to duck underneath his fist, striking out at Seiji with a clumsy swipe. Laughter overrides whatever the TV is doing, and Kai breaks down into giggles between them, burying his face in the blankets. 

—

Kai wakes up slowly in the morning. His neck hurts. He’s too warm. There’s something sharp jutting into his lower back. When he tries to move his arms, he finds he can only retrieve one, and opens up sticky eyes to investigate.

His apartment is a disaster, is what he registers first. Not unusual, but strange because didn’t he just clean it? And then, oh, right, Seiji and Kyoichi are here– and wow, okay.

He’s half lain out on top of Kyoichi, who folded himself into a pretzel, and Seiji is the one who has his arm trapped by reaching across the gulf to grip his team leader’s hand. Sunlight flickers in through the curtains, casting a slice of light over the three of them. Kai debates waking them up, or moving, or anything, really.

But that’d be a waste. It can’t be that late in the day. Besides, Kai can’t let them know he saw them holding hands. That’s– that’s gotta be saved. 

And he does feel better. More settled. Huh.

With that last thought, Kai tries to turn over, curling into the mess of bedding and Seiji’s side. He’s asleep within seconds.

[spaceless-vacuum]

I've been thinking about the possibility of reader being a touch starved god/goddess of death and that they maybe the reason they couldn't physically help the links against their battles and put foes like Gannon who should be dead is because hylia getting jealous that reader is giving so much attention to first more than her that she seals reader to her and having reader stick to her side by force, causing reader unable to save first from being locked up and later died. What if the reason first was able to reborn as sky was of readers help like reader having the abilities of both death from puss in boot and hades and having both their personalities since hades in the myths should him to being actually a lot more nice and fateful to his wife than his brother as he allowed Hercules to get his friends wife back after he told him about the couple that made hades feel bad. And maybe them being their for each of the links was because hylia wasn't that bad that she wouldn't allow her darling to talk to them at least and the fact that most of them are orphans or at least have seen someone die I still remember that legend had to see has uncle die and they do have many enemies and monsters dead by their hands that makes reader have to somewhat follow them and maybe reader before being sealed to where ever hylia is made a weapon like maybe be a bow or sword that fit the abilities hylia had or maybe before sun and sky got in that tornado because hylia wouldn't need first to always be their to fight for her when reader isn't there or because sun was training to become a knight as that was the school sun and sky were in but apparently Nintendo forgot about and so we don't see any zelda welding any weapon like a sword so and somewhat trying to get the zeldas learn how to fight before any big bad comes like Gannon and so being their for the zeldas too as even tho they are related to hylia they aren't her and so taking a liking to them and probably met fierce since he is a war God making him had at least killed someone and maybe the reason he was sealed in a mask was because hylia didn't want to share reader with someone who wasn't a link or zelda. And maybe the reason legend was able.to be in the dreams of that whale God and see marine who is dead because the affects of being near or giving him the gift of seeing the dead to help him and others and feeling bad for him seeing his uncle die as a kid and so being able to meet old and dead friends again and the reason chain and zelda was able to finally see reader was because hylia fought that after taking care of her battles and reward she allowed them to have reader for a short time.

And maybe the reason fierce goes yandere for reader is because they were a constant presents that didn't judge him for being the god of war. And I'm just picturing reader looking like this as this would kinda be funny to see the reaction of the stricter yanderes seeing what reader is wearing. you ignore this part and hope you have a good day and my friend your content is art but please have a break when you're feeling down.

“Do you ever get tired of your job?” He asks.

“Do you?” You counter, being put on the defensive by the strange question. You never thought about changing jobs or trying out anything else. You were the god of death. You had never thought about being anything other than what you were. The first hero’s comment didn't upset you. It was hard for anything he said or did to make you feel anything more than confused. It had been weeks since the mortal first stumbled into your realm, badly wounded and strength leaving fast he was left on death's door; both literally and metaphorically. Defying death as not impossible, hard to shake, but not impossible. Fairies, healers, and potions were tricks anyone could use but not everyone could afford them.

These tricks were wonderful when you had them available, but he didn't not have any of those. He had managed to pull through by sheer strength of will and some care provided by a wandering god. You didn't have to stay by his side afterwards, you didn't even have to offer help. It could be seen as a trap to force him into a bond with you; but that wasn't the case. He gladly accepted your company while he healed and the two of you had spent the days talking while he rested and regained his strength. He just woke back up from a nap and the two of you were sitting together in a field outside of the makeshift shelter you had help put up. 

First didn't answer your question. Instead he looked across the field of red flowers across from the two of you, eyes always wandering searching for something or someone; he couldn't help but think of what else could be over the horizon line.

“You seem to have recovered well.” You said. It was incredibly true that he was almost fully healed and had no need to stay here any longer than he wanted to; which made you wonder what it was she was after. Your company was not much but he seemed to enjoy it, and you enjoyed his. It was an odd choice. He looked down at his chest where a set of claws had drilled deep holes through his armour and scoured the flesh. It still looked somewhat fresh but it no longer needed bandages to always cover them.

“If I'm lucky it won't scar. I have some cream that works miracles, no clue what's in it but it works great.” You nod and smile down at the flower you're toying with in your hands. He had walked over and selected it from the field, taking time to choose the ebay one he could find. It didn't look any different than any of the other flowers but he had a selection process and it passed with flying colours in your eyes. Even if only because he thought so. Twirling it around in your hand made you happy. Like the same feeling of sitting in a ray of sunshine. The hero was such a sweetheart and so thoughtful.

Mortals who knew of you and what you were were afraid of your presence, and even more were afraid to come close, but he spent the time picking a flower for you. How thoughtful! You look over to find him staring at you. His head tilted, his lips pulled up into a smile, his eyes full of hope he was the picture of beauty. If you had the words to tell him that you were sure you would have tried. You were too afraid to say anything or move so you just smiled back at him before looking once more at the flower in your hand.

"When you go back, promise me you'll take better care of yourself?" You asked after a few minutes of silence.

"No pressure." he replied in a dry tone. You turn to look at him but hews staring off into the distance again. Is it getting worse out there? Being a hero was a risky job but could he not even spare the time to take care of himself anymore? 

"Please don't die."

"Easier said than done, however I will try my best. I don't plan on dying but I would like to see you again before I go." he laughs and shows you that wonderful smile again.

"Tell you what." You place the flower in his hands, careful as to not touch him, and lay your hands in your lap. "When the time comes that you come close to meeting your end once again I will show up, both as a warning and to herald your soul into the afterlife.”

"What's to stop me from throwing myself off a cliff then?" he stated matter of factly.

"What?" you stared in disbelief unsure what he meant by his comment. He lays down in the grass with both of his hands resting behind his head.

"If I go up to a cliff, with the full intent to jump, and right before I fall you show up and stop me, what happens then?" You stare at him with a mixture of horror and shock on your face.

"I mean, I could go up there and start to jump, jump back, and you're there either way. We talk and meet again and because I’m not dead we get to do that same dance over and over. I mean I could do this for ten weeks straight. What stops me from never ending our little talks?" You start to laugh and within seconds you're tilting your head back belting out laughter. It spills from your lips and it feels good to let it all out. He wants to see you again; so much so he would think about ways to cheat the system you just put in place.

"I wouldn't really do that to you, but I think if you really want to see me you should just show up. I won't mind." You wait a second or two before responding; trying to find the right words is harder than it seems.

"Will you be free next weekend then?"

"Is that a date?" You blush, and he laughs before saying his goodbyes. “Please don't be a stranger. Good people are hard to come by and I would love to be in your presence again.”

“I promise not to be a stranger.” It will be such a shame to see him go, but this is the start to something new is it not?

. . .

“The fighting is just getting worse. The enemy is appearing more frequently and each time I encounter them they seem to only be stronger and better prepared.” You reach out a hand and gently pat first on his  arm, being careful to avoid his wounded shoulder. It all seems a  little unfair. With all the fighting he's done and with what's to come. You know he does it for a just cause but would the world spare him this once? It has to be done but for right now he could stay here and rest. Some time here was all you could currently offer.

“I don't know what the future holds, if this place will all be destroyed or who's at the centre of all this chaos, but I will defend this land and its people with my life!” He had a strong sense of justice and cared deeply for those around him. You knew of his other friends, both Hylian and human, and his worsening anxieties over who would live and who would die were only growing worse. First had also talked about a goddess called Hylia and the name sounded familiar. 

“If all goes well I’ll be back in town by friday to see Lord Dagianis about helping us get more recruits to help when we face the inevitable tide of war." You nod along. You had heard the drums of war for a long time. Few people heeded death's tidings so only a few people had been warned about the coming terror. It would be a long battle yet and there was nothing more you could do to help with your limited access to mortals. It hurt to hear him talk about all that needed to be done and being held powerless to help in any meaningful way.

For now you would help by providing comfort. The hero rested his head in your lap. You run a finger through his hair and the touch calms you both. It’s been too long since you've felt like this; had such a calm peaceful moment shared with another like this. Years and years ago you brushed the hair out of someone's face, and now you're doing it again. Strange, this doesn't feel like how you would comfort a stranger. First has grown on you and you're reluctant to let him go. Destiny calls, but it can wait for a few more seconds, fates be willing.

Hylia watches the two of you share a private moment while she stands far away from it. All of this feels strange. What is this? The feeling she had wasn't fair by any means and the only thing she could think of was some form of jealousy or rage. Apathy to her own emotions was a simple facet of her being; she had people to lead and a job to do, she couldn't allow her emotions to get in the way of her work. Something about standing there made her feel something.

She doesn't want to just watch you two from the sidelines! She has to step in to stop First from staying by your side from now on, but she doesn't want you out of the picture. Not quite. Plans started to form in her mind and she knew it was only a matter of time and slight pushes of effort before they fell into place. Plans take time and she has the patience to wait.

. . .

It's late and you are walking through a densely packed forest. The night sky is mostly blocked out by the canopy and there is just enough light for you to see where you're walking. The moon is bright overhead and Hylia looks at you as you stop to stare at it. Maybe tonight is the night? No one is around to see and First is almost at the gates, once he reaches them the guards will be ordered to stop him and take him to the dungeons by any means necessary. If she doesn't attack you now you will surely go to help him and she needs him to be locked up.

Hylia does not reveal herself before striking. Summoning her bow of golden light she takes her time aiming her shot. She has to make the first one count or else you might have enough time to get away or flee to your realm. Which is why she aims for one of your legs, so you can't get away. Harming a god is difficult to do but in no way impossible. If any one would know the techniques it would be her; she's been studying different ways to seal power and lock it up for ages now. Demise was her true target but you, darling, would look just as lovely shoved into a sword wouldn't you?

You’ll be safe this way she coos to herself, and before she releases that arrow she stops and wonders why she wants to do this so badly. It’s such a foolish idea to attack another god for no other reason than personal interest but she has to. You're too good to leave wandering the surface alone and forgotten while Demise takes everything over. Once safe by her side in the sky you can spend your days shielded by her light. You'll never be able to stray far from her. This act counts as an act of devotion and love. For her it seems the two go hand in hand.

. . .

Years come and go. The world slowly heals from the wound Demise’s army had left on it; like a stain that could never be lifted, evidence of his rage was left everywhere. Even as life started to return to the surface in the face of the uncertain future Demise and Hylia gathered up strength for one final battle over the triforce. It was interesting to watch it all with the power you still had left. Hylia for her part was good at keeping you by her side and relaying information to you, but you knew she wasn't being entirely honest. Why she wanted to keep you in the dark wasn't hard to infer. Demise’s power was growing and it was worrying her.

You had asked her to be honest and she always danced around the question. Stomping down any suggestions by avoiding the subjects as to not come off as actually shutting anything down. It was a hard to play game and she made it look easy; but it didn't stop any of her problems down below. Just meant you couldn't do or say anything to help. She was planning something. You just wouldn't be made aware unless you were part of her plans.

“I need your help.” was all she said. Her words cut sharper than any blade you had ever met and she looked down at you. This form was not ideal to be stuck in, and despite being able to summon a more physical form, You didn't have enough power to do so right now. Being around the goddess made you feel weaker. As if being around her drained you of your energy. It’s probably just the knowledge that if you did show up out of this form she could just smite you down and all that effort would be wasted. You didn't respond to her question, you were at her mercy regardless, but it was the fact that she could have at least said hello first.

“You are in no position to complain.” She picked your sword body up and you could feel it as she ran a finger along your surface. Checking her finger as if looking for dust she smiles and stares down at you with a smile on her face. This wasn't your body but it was at the same time. The feeling that it left in you was akin to a shiver running down your back; but you weren't sure if it felt unpleasant or not. What worried you was her smile. She looked so happy to have you here with her. Here, alone, with no one else who could see or talk to you besides her.

“What do you need from me?” it was best to get to the point. Keeping a goddess waiting was not conducive to a healthy lifestyle.

“I need a soul retrieved.” A knot formed in your stomach; you knew what she was about to ask for. This could be the start to something good but you knew better than to get your hopes up too much.

“That's not an easy task-” you started to talk but she cut you off. No anger in her voice, just a small statement of fact.

“I don't need all of him, just a small portion. Enough that a fire can be started and the rest will be taken care of by-” I cut her off this time.

“So you want him to be reborn.” She sucked in a breath and didn't speak. Maybe I was being too hopeful but I couldn't help it. The idea of being able to see First again made my heart jump with joy. Hylia set the blade down and could not complain over your happiness; it was so lovely to see you in such a mood. Her eyes bored holes through you and you could the slightest glint of hunger in her gaze. 

“No; again this will not be him. Rather this new soul will be like his.” There was a pause as she turned away from you. “I need another hero.”

“Another one?”

“Did I say something else?” 

“Do you really need one so soon?”

“Demise isn't dead yet.” Hylia hated having to repeat herself. It was true that he was still around but it’s been so quiet in your heart since first passed. Could you handle someone being so much like him; or to witness what the path of the sword can do to another soul? Hylia turns back around and leans over your form. You know for a fact that she knows more than you. She isn't telling you everything and never was. A new hero and look at where you're at. Stuck here alone except for when it pleases the goddess. The only way you would ever be set free is through her good graces.

“I will help, on one condition.” It’s now or never. “I need to know that the soul is safe after I bring them back to life for you.” To your surprise Hyli agrees without hesitation.

“I would expect nothing less from you, you always did have a soft spot for him.” Memories of First come flooding back to you, it all feels so long ago but it hasn't even been a hundred years yet. One day the time will come that thinking of him does not hurt but for now it is an open wound still spilling arterial blood. Her comment on what she does and does not expect doesn't go over your head as well. Always a step ahead of you even now. Your own thoughts don't even seem to be your own anymore, and with a simple gaze she can see what it is that's on your mind.

“I miss him more than you know.” Her voice hasn't changed from its low tone this entire conversation. Hylia stands up straight and moves away from you. Taking a few steps before pausing to look behind her. “I care… more than you would know.” With that she takes her leave. It feels so cold without anyone here. The goddesses' last words linger in the air and it feels like a double edged sword was left here along with you. She cared a lot about the first hero, and that was so true. Even now the evidence of her love lingers; but  he wasn't all she was talking about.

. . .

“I haven't checked up on him in awhile yet, how is he doing?” Hylia's voice holds nothing but concern for her hero. Even if this path and destiny was one she chose for him it’s so different to see the carnage first hand. To have to deal with the blood on your hands and the death of people you loved.

“I have never seen Link so despondent.” You state. It’s a sad fact that he's barely spoken since the incident and while he has been arriving at town as swiftly as ever he isn't acting like himself. it doesn't take a god to see this. “He hasn't eaten anything in a few days besides an apple.”

“I know.” Hylia’s voice breaks and you feel your heart drop into your stomach. The hero struggles along his path alone. He still does his job and does it as well as ever but it's heartbreaking to watch him struggle with grief while having to shove his own emotions aside just to get this job done.

“May I go to him?” You offer. “Even if just for a few moments being able to let him talk to the soul he lost, it might help him overcome his grief.”

“The hero was never offered any form of closure for why it had to happen like this or what powers were at play. Letting him see his family once more will do great things for his spirit.” Hylia and you agreed on that point; however agreeing and understanding are two different things. The goddess had never once said if it was her setting his family members up to fall. For all you knew it could have been one of the three or circumstances. Regardless, it happened, and she had a hand in it either directly or indirectly; and her involvement on the matter would do little to change how you responded to Link. he was a person and people needed comfort and closure.

Being stuck to this weapon form unless Hylia brought you someplace, or on the rare occasion you regained enough energy to break free for a short trip, did nothing to help you bridge the gap between you and the living. Familial connections were something you weren't used to. On paper you could understand it but you had no real drive or connection to the underlying problem. The closest you had was whatever was here with Hylia and the hero’s. The meetings with Link over issues beyond his mortal sight were always so welcome.

Setting your plan into motion you sneak a few extra souls into his dreams. Offering closure in this way was not hard. Giving him time to talk to his family during his sleep would allow him a peaceful rest, and some time to talk. Hopefully this would help the hero rest properly from here on out.

. . .

“Thank you.” The voice made you jump out of your skin, as always it was Hylia, but you hadn't been aware you were followed. The feeling of unease never fully went away when around her but she was a welcome sight nonetheless. It was better than no company at all. You stood solemn in the remains of a monster camp. Their dusty remains still littered the ground and you walked slowly around the circle as Hylia slowly made her way to your side.

You looked back over the horizon and saw the hero making his way to the next part of his quest. He had finished with this battle and was on his way to the next. Being the god of death meant you could afford yourself some power to show up in places like this, even if monsters did not fall under your domain you could still walk here where the dead may lay, monster or not. You were impatient to follow after the hero and hopefully say a quick hello but you knew better than to walk away from someone so demanding of your attention.

“He’s getting better.” You remark. Remembering the quick speed he had used to run though camp, kill everything, and leave.

“You're avoiding the subject.” Hylia spoke and her voice held some note of ransom, as if by avoiding what she said you had to pay up in full next time you spoke. She knew how to speak and her voice commanded all the same. It dawned on you that she might be upset you changed the subject to Link rather than give her all of your attention. You turned to look at her and for a moment you thought you saw her suck in a breath, as if being gazed at by you was breathtaking. She paused before regaining her composure. Was she upset you had seen her like that? She often liked to appear cold but not cruel. Sharing emotions was never a strong suit for her.

Checking herself over once more she straightened out her clothes despite the fact that there were no wrinkles in her white dress. Her face returned once more to that perfect;y cool stone mask it always was; the same face that makes you question if there's more underneath the surface of what you're seeing. The depth she had was confusing. She served Hyrule and its citizens first and foremost and so much so that she was willing to sacrifice two souls for the lives of many. No matter how much she cared she had to put the many above the few; but did she reserve the same coldness to herself? What a sad way to treat oneself.

The goddess herself was not oblivious to the nature of what she was doing and knew on some level how terrible it must be for herself and her chosen two but she trusted it would all be worth it in the end. The many over the few. This was something any good ruler would do, and yet here she was getting so personally attached to people she was willing to sacrifice. Hiding her true feelings just to serve some purpose that not even you could speculate about. She sacrificed herself just as much she did Zelda as it was the same knife for both wounds. When was the last time she did something if it wasn't for work? Off putting and anti-social I knew that she was so much more than the mask she put on. Seeing this side of her was considered an honour but it was also so confusing and you could never make heads or tails of it.

You would have to bridge this gap yourself because she never would.

“I love hearing you talk.” It was the first thing you could think of. Those words made her stand up straighter and you could tell you had her attention now. “You're always watching over your people with a dedication that can only stem from a pure and kind heart, thank you for all the work you do. Just don't forget to show yourself the same king of mercy that you offer them.”

“And you. You're always watching over Link with a dedication that can only stem from one form of love or another. It’s very kind, thank you.” She countered, reaching for information on how you truly felt about him. True this hero was not the same as First but you could see something in him as well. Was this soft spot love? Is that what you would call this emotion? It couldn't be, you didn't know him as well as you wanted to.

“No need to thank me, I’m glad to stand by your side as I do this.” That seemed to make her happy. She relaxed and moved by your side. Each step a long stride that ended with her being right beside you. Puffing up her chest and straightening her shoulders she puffed up much the way a bird showing off its pride would. The regal motion reminded you of the mighty Loftwings. Such a pure emotional response from her was just so joyfully shocking that you burst out laughing. Her shoulder brushed yours and it had been so long since you made contact with another in physical form you forgot how to breathe for a moment.

You tried not to seem too eager as you leaned into her touch but you could tell from the smug satisfaction gleaming off of her that she knew of the reaction that the touch had. She moved away first, happy to keep you hungry for more.

. . .

Oh my goodness I finally got the first half done. My god! I loved this ask so much and went far deeper into it than I ever meant to. Ok so I have little bits written for everything you talked about but I have so many ideas running through my head for this idea that I couldn't put it all in one post lol. I haven't even finished writing everything else out and it all still needs to be proofread but I am happy with this so far and will be posting the rest at a later date in another post.

I can't say how soon it’ll be until i post the rest but I got the first half done about the part with Hylia. I stopped right before I got to the part where Sun wields the sword because I felt like that was a good break in the writing, and it also is the break in where we see less and less of Hylia.

I will write the rest up later but this whole idea is taking up so much space in my brain I couldnt do much else until I got it out of the wip folder... also I need to get this out of the way before the next part. oh the next part!!! The next part I'll post after Sun finding the sword and showing it to Link and training with it is that part about Yandere!Fierce meeting the reader. I have a wonderful snippet of Yandere!Hylia and him fighting over you with Hylia turning out to be a more intense yandere than I would have thought? Idk I wrote her as being heavier into her toxic tendencies than Link and the others.

I just adore that part so much I can't wait to see what you think about it. Point is, is that I'll get that up and posted as soon as I can!! It’s already over three thousand words long and I haven't even gotten it out of the draft phase yet, I just wrote a bare bones idea and now I have to edit it two or three more times blegh. Hate that part of the work.

Honestly I want to make this it’s own AU because I have so many ideas for it. I would love to hear what you would call this because the name I have settled on is To kill A God Au but that implies you're dying,,, which I meant it more figuratively? everyone falls for you, Hylia, Zelda, Fierce, Links, and all the while you're stuck in a sword unless you have enough power to phase out. Honestly you and Fierce make a good couple like that.

Still I would love to hear more and if not that's ok I am making enough content for this niche idea for myself :P I have several smaller works set in this au that I need to second draft before I publish it. mostly with Hylia and Fierce deity but im working on several other thigs for this.

[sh4tt3rg1rl]

HEY

here’s your excuse to rant about the entires

GO FOR IT

AFIAJWIUFHSAUIF

OK OK so. Dusk’s first thought is WHO TF IS SUN, people hate me, and people are depending on me. Not the greatest way to start out

She goes on to describe sun in “emotionless” detail. She probably described how she left and her addiction. (This is important)

It’s unknown HOW dusk found the bar especially considering its supposed to be well enough hidden for most people to not find it very quickly but i hc that she found it because she followed Sun there at some point or smth. Maybe Sun left something important there and she went to go pick it up for her because she was in distress??? Idk (thats not a hint to Sun Lore ™ just spittin ideas)

She then says that she wants to fall in love with someone and be cared about by someone. HMMMM. I sure do wonder why that is! “Wanted” “cared about” “loved” “lights up the room” she has priorities. I can see that she probably feels overwhelmed by all of the problems she has and wants someone SHE can lean on while everyone else leans on HER. huge oversight, northa and easton, when coding her: if everyone is supposed to depend on her, how can she ever depend on anyone else?? Hm??? 

Jesus christ the next entries. All trauma

I like how it constantly keeps hinting back to something like “hurting themselves” followed/predecessed by something among the lines of “sun got drunk again”

I then ADORE the idea of her being so overwhelmed but finding so much peace in designing her little world :hic: :sob: and then BOOM Sun. Because of course its sun. she cares about sun too much (affectionate) (evil)

“I should not speak of what I have seen today” OOOH It hit right in the heart! /ref

A lot of Sun, a lot of rise in talking about Insanity + Alpen + Sigil (just the whole sun family really) a lot of random people being hurt or hurting themselves or hurting each other. So just another tuesday in the amazing digital circus

OK havent said it yet but OH MY COD i love the fact that her so called ‘gifted’ powers cause her to pretty much notice every little thing about people’s emotions and feelings

And like. My COD the mention of “it hurting too much” when she was in the cellar… I SEE YOU ELSIE. She feels the emotions of everyone there too, doesn’t she. Along with her own emotions from seeing Sun like… that (and Sigil’s AND insanity’s)

And then she finally makes some friends!

Oops, one of them is FUCKED in the head and knows nothing other than work!

“Entry 404” YOU LITTLE- /pos

(also this is probably not intentional but 404 in pager codes means "I will always love you". smiles with tears in my eyes)

“Bob is dead” Its so over for her (mental breakdown ensues)

…I have so many more thoughts but they are rotating in my brain and i cant pull them out so this was more of a live reaction than a psychoanalysis but AW_FIJSAUFHIUAWFHIUSJFOIAFOIAFSJ FPAJWUFIHSAO IFAJWOF I LOVE THE WAY YOU WRITE ELSEI GBRAABS YOU

…want me to make a playlist for dusk?

[dollarbin]

Dollar Bin #31:

Linda Thompson's One Clear Moment

I don't know a sweeter moment in feminist pop music history than Linda Thompson's rebound after being dumped by her guitar god husband in 1982. Here they are before the crash landing.

Richard found himself a solo artist that no one wanted to see without his glorious wife, stuck on a dead end label and (correctly) deemed the villain. Linda, who was pregnant with their third child when he bailed, was taken in by Linda Ronstadt and was immediately offered a big deal record contract with Warner Brothers. Not bad.

It's no wonder why Linda was the bigger draw than Richard at that point. Check out this unspeakably brilliant performance; good luck ever seeing Richard get upstaged by someone anywhere else:

The story gets pretty sad from there; Linda literally lost her voice from the trauma of it all and was unable to make the big deal, cherished solo record she deserved; it was a full three years before she was able to settle in and record One Clear Moment.

And then the album tanked. 82's momentum was long gone: tastes had changed; Kate Bush had been replaced by Madonna; people wanted Born in the USA not Strange Affair. Linda Thompson lost her voice all over again in the aftermath and wouldn't return to performing until the new century. If you want to see the sad depths it all google her 88 Grammy appearance, where she has to lip sync her own song and looks lost at sea. I'm not pasting the video here; it's just too damn sad.

The only bright spot along the way (which led to her Grammy appearance) was thanks once again to Linda Ronstadt, who brought One Clear Moment's monster track of righteous feminism, Telling Me Lies, to the Trio sessions in 87, thereby tapping the public on the shoulder and reminding anyone who would listen that Linda Thompson was the real deal.

The ladies' version is wonderful, full of pathos and soaring vocals. But they were the world's biggest female stars at that point outside of Whitney Houston and Madonna, and they were finally making a record together that the men in their lives had blocked them from making for a full decade: even while they're singing such a sad song I can hear the joy in their voices.

Not so with Linda's own, original version: witness a woman scorned. She's wounded, yes. But she's also empowered and totally pissed:

I love how she takes the song to church, organ swelling. I love how slowly and directly she sings it. Has Richard ever listened to this? How has he ever stopped blushing? In his autobiography he basically refuses to write about it all. I was in the wrong, he tells his readers, in about half a sentence. He goes on to say that he's apologized to everyone involved and that means he's not apologizing to us. Fair enough.

But let's do our part to make things right: let's reconsider the straight-to-the-dollar-bin album that surrounds Linda's most famous song. Sure, the record doesn't include Richard and it does include three dull stinkers (most especially Best of Friends, which sounds intended for the My Little Pony Movie Soundtrack; Stephen Stills is probably watching that movie, if there actually is one, as we speak) on the B Side, but everything else within its grooves is alternatively powerful, ebullient and graceful. Let's set aside a clear moment to sing the record's praises.

Side One opens with Linda channeling Cindi Lauper with Can't Stop the Girl. Had Thompson been 15 years younger, willing to learn a few dance moves, and willing to wear her bra outside her shirt she could have joined Lauper on the Goonies soundtrack.

But it's during the title track, which follows, when things get vital. One Clear Moment sets the tone for everything memorable about this lost gem of a record; it marries 80's synth pop to sophisticated female empowerment; no wonder no one bought the record.

Thompson's lyrics on such songs are biting, fun and tight. Hell, High Water and Heartache includes the following verse, delivered without any flinching:

Some men make weak in the knees / You make me weak in the head / And if that's what you all passion / check your pulse you just might be dead.

Some men drive me wild / You drive me to despair / if i close my eyes and count to ten / promise you won't be there.

And take a listen to the sparse, lovely and biting Only a Boy, in which Linda puts Richard in his childish place then orders him to rot in hell.

Meanwhile the album contains two long forgotten tracks I think we are finally ready for. Take Me On The Subway is dense, dynamic and weird enough to serve as the opening credits track for some new zombie show. I feel commanded to obey her every command, ready to eat manflesh.

Finally, some savvy teen ought to cover In Love With the Flame in their bedroom, throw it on snapchat or whatever and get a million likes. It's bizarre to me how songs like this have not been turned into hits by cool kids once a decade ever since.

Don't you want to light a candle and shake your hips to this song? I know Linda and Richard had a miserable few years leading up to the record but it all made for some groovy tunes. And rest assured, their story has a happy ending.

Linda eventually recovered and has made 3 or 4 solid records in the last 20 years, each with Richard (occasionally) and their son (consistently) backing her. Both men do so with humility and understatement. They know Linda has always deserved center stage. It took some time, but the clear moment eventually came for her steady, majestic and powerful voice.

Let's give it another moment in 2024.

[tehloserprince]

I was tagged by @santacoppelia - thank you! 🥺🧡

1. were you named after anyone? Michael Jordan, ha ha. No, really, my mom's a huge fan. She's followed his career ever since his UNC days. I love telling people that's how I got my name. For the record, although I have an obligatory fondness for my hometown team and a nostalgic love for the Bulls in their Jordan Era, I'm currently a Bucks fan.

2. when was the last time you cried? It's really difficult for me to cry. It's such a relief at times, tho. I cried a few weeks ago, when I realized my special needs dog was having some epilepsy-related issues. I've mostly accepted that I'll probably never see him with a grey muzzle, but I really hope we can share more time together. There are still so many things I want to show him.

3. do you have kids? Nope. Sorta did, once, but I don't really talk about that much. It was a good experience, and I still love/think about her. But my kids are all the critter variety these days ;) I enjoy hanging out with my friends' kids, but they're all growing up too quickly :/ What even is time

4. what sports do you play/have you played? I never really played anything professionally, but I liked soccer, basketball, and running when I was younger. I got into boxing and Muay Thai when I was a little older, and also did a lot of hiking. Unfortunately I'm crippled, so I'm limited in what I can/should do. I try to go on lots of walks with my pup and swim whenever I can. Sometimes I still wrap my hands and hit the bag, which is fun.

5. do you use sarcasm? No, never. (/s obvs)

6. what's the first thing you notice about people? The way they treat other people - especially the most vulnerable - and animals. Physically, eyes and smile. I'm more impressed by people who can be genuinely kind without ulterior motivation.

7. what's your eye color? Hazel.

8. scary movies or happy endings? Depends on my mood! In terms of scary films, gore feels lazy and boring to me. I need a film to get inside my head in order to be scary. But I'm a sucker for happy endings too, which is a lot of projection on my part, ha ha.

9. any talents? Err. Uh. Writing, I guess? Remembering a lot of random info? Friends are consistently surprised that I'll remember so many little details, especially if it's like ... me surprising them with something they mentioned liking at some point. Funny enough, I'll frequently forget why I walked into a room these days, but I'm glad some parts of my memory still excel! I'm also told that I'm extremely patient, if that counts as a talent.

10. where were you born? Charlotte, NC.

11. what are your hobbies? Writing, reading, watching movies and television shows (mostly with the BFF), random crafts, DIY home improvement stuff (I painted my entire house despite my health worsening over the years and I'm very proud of that), canine behavior/training, and playing video games. I don't have as much time for games, but I still enjoy it. Started a new game of Red Dead Redemption 2 this winter, and I've been spending hours just roaming the land with my horse.

12. do you have any pets? Ha, yes! I do a lot of animal rescue and have some life goals related to that, so hopefully I'll always be surrounded by critters. My beloved dog (Skippyjon) passed away in 2022 (old age and CHF). I had a cockatiel for 21 years - a birthday present when I turned 8. We basically grew up together, and the house is still way too quiet without him. I had other dogs (Smokey and Locke), and a lot of fish. In college, I had an "illegal" hamster, Kai (Kaizoku). He was fat and wonderful. I chose him because he squeezed past his siblings, sat in their food dish, and started shoving food in his mouth. King behavior tbh. I had a rat named Stevie in my late 20s. Currently, I have a deaf special needs dog (Oscar aka Ozzy), a cat that I hand-raised because she was found abandoned shortly after birth (Swayze), and a rabbit (Shasta aka Bad Bunny). At some point, I decided that all my rabbits would be named after soda brands, ha.

13. how tall are you? About 5'10".

14. favorite subject in school? Literature, Spanish, Philosophy, sometimes History, Classical Studies, Art. Anything that wasn't math, because I always struggled with that.

15. dream job? If I could make a living off of writing and spend a lot of my time doing animal rescue, I'd be content. Even if I was wealthy, I'd ultimately pursue a simple, cozy life without a lot of fanfare. I'd love to have more money to invest in animal rescue and local community welfare (kids should always have basic necessities imo). Maybe someday ...

Tagging anyone who feels like doing this! Feel free to reblog or tag me if you wanna let me know that you did it. Thanks, this was fun :3

[bluestar22x]

TLOU Rewatch: Episode 6 (Joel And Ellie Involved Scenes Only)

Next up – my favorite episode! :D

- I remember being so happy we finally got a time jump. I know the game followed a similar pace but having the first five episodes happen in a little over a week was…a lot.

- The elderly couple are my favorite original characters from the show. Joel is playing hostile to get answers but as soon as they know Ellie is there they both instantly stopped taking him seriously. lol The wife even served them soup! - Much to her husband’s dismay because he doesn’t know Ellie’s there yet. But as soon as she pops her head out they share a look and the husband relaxes just like his wife. Clearly they haven’t run into anyone with bad intentions who had a potty-mouthed fourteen year old in tow.

- “What did I just say?” That is the most dad sentence Joel has ever spoken.

- Joel having a panic attack because the husband said if Tommy crossed the river he’s dead. :(

- I feel like the fandom probably underestimates how much Tommy means to Joel. Does anyone else feel this way? His brother clearly means so much to him, but that can be easy to forget sometimes when it is overshadowed by his need to be a dad (as much as siblings can be close, parents and children are closer – unless their roles are combined, like Henry’s was with Sam).

- It’s easy to forget Tommy’s the whole reason Joel wanted to leave Boston and the reason he became the guy Tommy eventually distanced himself from years ago. It’s easy to forget sometimes that until they met Tess, Tommy was Joel’s only purpose after Sarah’s death (since Joel is the type who heavily values himself on purpose – which for him is protecting his loved ones). It’s easy to think but then why wasn’t Tommy enough to keep Joel from trying to commit suicide after Sarah died? And I wonder if Tommy ever wondered the same thing? I wonder if Tommy underestimated/underestimates his brother’s love for him in part because of it?

- I want to add to that (before getting back to this episode’s actual content), I think Joel attempted suicide not because Tommy wasn’t enough to keep him going (he was) but because Sarah’s loss was so overwhelming on top of the whole world “ending” that he couldn’t see anything else. So many people who go through such a thing have “everything they could ask for”, but they still lose themselves to the darkness in their head. It’s not about not having enough, not having someone to live for, it’s about having too much despair. I’ll take a guess that after he flinched and got over the initial anger at himself for not being able to go through with it, Joel regretted almost leaving Tommy alone. Losing Sarah made him a shell of what he was before, but that shell kept going for his brother.

- Part of my love for this episode is the scenery and cinematography. They really showed off the beauty of Alberta in this episode (not hard to do but still). And since Wyoming has very similar landscapes and forest, this is when the location of the show’s filming was optimal.

- Joel correcting Ellie when she said “we” minutes before but then going on to combine their dreams when he tells her to get some sleep. That sounds like a “we” Joel. <3

- Poor Joel is always waking up startled for one reason or another. I’m surprised he’s not a complete insomniac at this point. What I would do for that guy to have just one peaceful night of rest AND not feel guilty about it. Maybe in Jackson between Season 1 and 2?

- “Supposed to be” he mumbles in his sleep. Supposed to be him. He was supposed to die. Not Sarah. He tried turning away from the soldier to protect her, but he only got glazed by a bullet while Sarah was fully hit.

- His voice is so deep and rough when he’s talking to Ellie after he wakes up. For what reason Pedro? Hmmm? Joel’s voice has never been that deep before, even after sleeping.  

- Honest question: Was Pedro acting when Joel pressed a hand against his lower back? :P

- “Wake me up next time.” You’ve got to sleep at some point Joel. Ellie will have to stand guard once in a while whether you want her to or not.

- I also wonder, like Ellie, how people whistle like that. ha

- Ellie made her first original pun? :)

- Joel grabbing Ellie’s hand when they got surrounded and telling her to get behind him. <3

- I figured out before the episode aired that the riders were from Jackson just cause they had cowboy hats and because there was no way Joel and Ellie would’ve gotten out of there alive otherwise but it’s still a tense scene.

- Joel going through another panic attack because he thinks the dog will be able to smell the fungus in Ellie. (I’m still a bit confused as to how the dog wouldn’t, but okay – maybe the fungus really is isolated to only her brain and there’s no scent to be picked up from it for some reason.)

- You know, I respect Maria for bringing Joel to Jackson. She makes it clear she doesn’t trust him based on the stories she’s heard from Tommy throughout the episode, yet she didn’t tell him to get lost and pretend that she never met him. She could’ve easily done it too. Neither Joel nor Tommy would’ve known better. But despite her concerns over him being around, she let them reunite.

- Some people were asking if Joel and Ellie got two horses, where did their original riders go? Which is a valid question. ha But considering that the dog handler didn’t have a horse either (unless it was out of sight), I’ll take a guess and say they lingered behind to stay on patrol (or walked back with the dog handler) while the others escorted Joel and Ellie to town.

- Now what I can’t explain is the guy shoveling wood. Silly extra. I head canon it as the guy having a bad back or being really bored. Or maybe he’s had too much drink/drugs. Oops.

- I love Joel and Tommy’s reunion scene so much. Tommy’s laugh of disbelief, the sound Joel makes when Tommy pulls away, Joel’s laugh when he tells Tommy he came to save him (cause clearly Tommy didn’t need saving), and the tears in his eyes at the end. I am a big softie for strong brother bonds, especially ones that endure past strains in the relationship. These two weren’t sure they’d ever see each other again. <3

- It's funny to see Joel and Ellie eating so fast at the dining hall but at the same time sad. They’re so hungry. :(

- Love that when Joel apologizes for Ellie’s manners he is looking at Maria. I have said before, you can take the southern man out of the south, but you can’t take the south out of him. As soon as he was in a pleasant civil place the habit came right back to him. I imagine his and Tommy’s mother made sure good manners were second nature to them.

- Tommy’s smile when Joel tells Ellie to mind her manners. It surely reminded him of the Joel he used to know. Ack

- The instant change in Joel after Maria throws him shade for his past. His words stayed polite, but his tone was like Ellie was right. Get out. And then Tommy reveals they are married and Ellie is all too happy to force him to eat glass and say congrats cause he didn’t back her up earlier. lol

- I would like to say I do understand Maria’s concerns, but she did let Joel into town, so maybe she shouldn’t try to piss him off the first chance she gets? Especially when she knows he’s her brother in law and she doesn’t actually know him?

- The expression on Tommy’s face when Maria says they’re communists. Lol Breaking News: Veteran Texan was shook. Joel looking back at him like a typical older brother enjoying his little brother’s mental breakdown. Perfection.

BTW, I think any government can be bad in the wrong hands (cough *look at democracy and capitalism in the US* cough) but that also means by default that any form of government can be good in the right hands too. Jackson has good leaders so being a commune isn’t a threat to the people who live there – I dare say it is actually perfect for the world they are living in because resources are scarce. It mainly works because they are a small population, so they are close knit. The only way this goes bad is if they’d stop caring about each other or got reckless about who they let into town. Selfishness/greed by the people or the leaders is what leads to corruption, not the government type. And the more people there are, the more likely it will occur.

- Ellie’s love of animals is so endearing.

- Ouch. Joel and Ellie both touched on each other’s greatest fears inside of a minute without meaning to. Ellie saying they’ve been doing worst (because it makes Joel feel like he has failed even though it’s not his fault their journey hasn’t been easy) and then Joel leaving Ellie with Maria (her fear of being left alone; especially now Joel has Tommy again – since Tess’ death she’s gotten so attached to him it’d hurt bad if he abandoned her).

- I don’t think Tommy was entirely convinced when Joel said he was taking Ellie across the country for a payment. Pretty sure he already senses it’s for more than that reason, or at least it’s not the only reason now.

- I’m surprised it doesn’t seem like he picked up on Joel being off when talking about Tess. Maybe he didn’t think they were close enough for Tess to willingly cross the country to help Joel check in on him? It’s possible they got closer only after Tommy joined the Fireflies. Joel turning to the next person he could protect when he couldn’t protect Tommy anymore.

- Tommy didn’t stop contacting Joel when he joined the town despite Maria’s wishes. He stopped when she told him she was pregnant. Only their kids come before each other. Still wish Tommy told Joel he had to stop contacting him, even if he didn’t tell him why. He really thought Joel was so far gone he wouldn’t worry about him? :( If he had told Joel though, Joel wouldn’t have met Ellie. Even though that had/will have consequences down the line, Joel wouldn’t choose not having met her. 

- Joel having another panic attack because of the memories his conversation with Tommy stirs up – and then immediately seeing someone who looks like Sarah, who has a daughter like she might have had if she had lived – so cruel.

- Love the chalkboard memorial. I know people didn’t like it replacing the photo from game, but it makes more sense than going back to the house to get the photo. Maybe Tommy would’ve had the photo in his wallet, but that’s if he thought to bring it when they were rushing out of the city on outbreak night and if he was the type to put photos in his wallet.

- Ellie defending Joel. <3 She has a good point about Tommy. Tommy’s the one who got them involved in that group and he went along with it so it’s not all on Joel.

- Tommy apologizing to Joel. <3

- Tommy thinks Joel is asking about how safe the path is to Colorado is for him and Ellie when really Joel’s making sure Tommy and Ellie would be able to survive the trip. His fear of failing Ellie is so great and he’s so sure of Tommy’s capabilities compared to his he’d have them go together as long as it’s not a death sentence.

- Joel trusting Tommy with Ellie’s secret. Tommy trusting that he isn’t wrong about her immunity. If he says it was months ago, it was. She’s not a threat.

- “She made me swear to take the kid.” He never promised Tess in words, but with a look. That moment before he shut his emotions off and dragged Ellie out of the capital building. The way he and Tess had an unspoken language kinda drives me crazy sometimes.

- This monologue of Joel telling Tommy everything that happened and why he feels he can’t be the one to bring Ellie to the Fireflies is just soooo good. So painful, but man. It’s so well acted, and this is exactly why I was excited about Pedro getting the role of Joel. I knew he could act out emotional scenes well and I knew he’d give it his all just going off previous roles I’d seen him in. Loved Tommy’s reactions too, with the uncomfortable looks and quiet listening. I trusted Gabriel would do a good job too, even though I only really knew him from Agents of SHIELD. It was more of a gut feeling with him.

- Joel crying always makes me want to cry. Doing these reviews is the first time I haven’t actually cried in the emotional moments with him. Too distracted writing I guess.

- I’m still trying to figure out how Ellie was able to listen in on a piece of their conversation. There doesn’t seem to be any other door to the workshop, Joel would’ve noticed if she was hanging out by the main door, it’s winter, so the windows must be all shut sooo…???

- “Then what are you so afraid of?” Losing you Ellie. Yeah, you’re not Sarah, he knows, but he could still lose you.

- I feel like Joel telling Ellie that she’s not his daughter is something he’s more telling himself than anything.

- Him remembering Sarah with tears in his eyes – they were going all out with the pain this episode. Angst galore.

- Ellie’s nod when she sees it is Tommy at the door. My heart.

- It never fails to make me laugh when Joel says he was going to steal a horse and Tommy says he would’ve gave him one and Joel reassures him that he knows. lol (Sidenote: Where was Joel even planning to run away to by himself?)

- The way Ellie just shoves the bag at Joel and he just stands there and says “okay” also never fails to make me laugh. Of course she’s going to choose you given the choice you idiot.

- The boost up onto Callus (the horse). <3 (Yes, this horse doesn’t get named in show, but this is the same horse. We weren’t told otherwise.)

- Everyone talks about the brother’s first hug but that goodbye hug is also very heartwarming. <3

- Tommy saying they both have a home in Jackson.

- Nice and slow eh, Joel? I probably would’ve said the same thing as Ellie. lol

- Joel’s so smug about hitting the target dead center, I can’t.

- Queue the breathtaking horseback shots. The director of this episode really said we need to go all out embracing the beauty of the land and of this horse and I am gleeful about it.

- Joel white lying to Ellie about his job after she kept telling him he could’ve lied (about the bodies on the side of the road, about the dam) and he’s just so happy when she says “cool” and “nice”. She thinks I’m cool.

- Her resting her head against him. This is one of the cutest scenes I’ve ever seen in a show, no joke.

- The way Ellie says “the contractor” after mocking Joel’s negativity (aka realism). lol

- Joel’s reaction when Ellie laughs at him saying he’d want to be a singer. He’s so offended. Too cute. Can’t blame Ellie for having a hard time believing he has an artist’s heart. XD

- Joel pulling the broken bat out of him makes me cringe, cause I know it’s recommended to keep it in to prevent worse injury/faster blood loss, but at the same time would it be wise to ride a horse at a gallop with that still in his abdomen? Imagine the pain alone from the stake jostling around while he’s on the horse (a horse ride is NOT as smooth as an ambulance one). It would do more damage too. Sooo…no thanks. It sounded painful enough when he mounted the horse without the stake in him. Let’s chalk this up to a no-win situation.

- Joel only managing to stay conscious until Ellie said they were safe. <3

- Ellie begging for him to wake up. :(

Can’t wait to do the next review where my stomach will continue to flip flop watching and hearing Joel in pain. (I’m not, but also I am. Hurt/comfort/angst. My jam.)

[phylix-melyn]

Today I got ahold of one of the old Fear Street novels and decided to give it a go. I remember being in middle school and devouring the novels that were set in the past. I always loved horror and history. The one I read was book 3 of the Fear Street Sagan Forbidden Secrets, and the setting was the most uncomfortable part of the novel: American South during the Civil War at a plantation. It was a 90's novel, and only 50 pages covered life at the plantation and the war, but overall it was still uncomfortable and really made me not want to root for the protagonist.

So...twenty+ years later and it was very easy to see why I stopped reading them. For a young reader, they were great. It was about 150 pages with short chapters and limited characters, making it very easy to follow.

There was a decent amount of horror in it too. I was surprised with the amount of mutilated corpses were in the 150 pages. Two people were dismembered, with one being shoved into an oven. A corpse fell out of the coffin at the funeral and a horse smashed a girl's head in. OH! and a guy melted leaving only his skeleton. It was fairly gruesome, but never graphic.

My favorite part was SPOILERS FOR A YOUNG TEEN BOOK FROM 1993 that the love interest was dead the whole time and a zombie. Like, there was ZERO foreshadowing beyond the crazy sister going "he's eeeeevil". It was such a whiplash. He was stabbed by the racist southern bellen didn't bleed then laughed about how her brother killed him at Gettysburg and showed her his hand scar as proof. This was the first time we saw a hand scar in the novel. I am sure 10 year old me was like "holy shit, best plot twist ever" but adult me was just laughing.

It was filled with so many red herrings and gross out moments that it could only be fully appreciated by a younger audience, but there was a surprisingly a lot of kissing scenesn which probably also appealed to 10 year old me. I probably liked that she smooched her zombie husband.

Also, there was a lot of imagery of dolls and roses, but they hardly were mentioned in the novel. I wonder if the cover was outlined first and those elements were added to the story after, since they had so little plot relevance.

3.5/10- top tier skull smashing, but loses points for weird history. Support children's horror, kids love being frightened.

Idk, it was a nice reminder of how far what we deem as young adult literature has come. I couldn't see anyone over 6th grade getting truly engaged in this, and I remember it being one of the best options of books in my middle school library.

[tobiasdrake]

Some miscellaneous thoughts about where I am in DG3.

I theorized basically right at the start that we were in space. Orbiting the planet, on a spaceship, perhaps even a colony on another world. Somehow, in some way, this feels like a sealed environment with panels displaying the sky where we think we're seeing the sky through the bars of the birdcage. I've been leaning most heavily on the idea that we're on a satellite in upper Earth orbit.

I'm a little less sure of this hypothesis following the extremely vague discovery of the Secret of the Outside World. Gonta saw something that didn't confuse him, but instead broke him.

It was described as the Killing Game being Hell, and the world beyond the walls also being Hell. It was so horrific, so unimaginably spirit-shattering, that Kokichi could then persuade the kind and courageous albeit dimwitted Gonta that mercy kills were the only salvation for all of us.

Gonta saw some shit that simply can't be explained by the visible curvature of the bright blue Earth, the barren red of Mars, or an endless starry sea. And that's pretty much taken a crowbar to my space theory.

I genuinely don't know what's out there. I feel less certain about what's happening here than I have at any point from the first act onward.

With regards to the Mastermind, I've been kinda circling a thought for a while that I now want to express. What if Rantaro is the Mastermind? What if Kaede actually got him, and nobody even realized because Monokuma and/or the Monokubs are able to self-sustain? What if the Mastermind's been fucking dead this whole time?

See, Monokuma's said some shit that filled me with alarm. When he was mourning the Kubs, he wondered aloud where they even came from. And that was a really weird thing to say. I. Uh. I thought he brought them.

But that got me thinking. Remember that first botched attempt at the Killing Game, way back at the start of the game? Where the Kubs revealed their Exigals too early, nobody had their Talent memories, etc.? And the Kubs needed to take a do-over on the whole thing.

I was laughing at the time because this was the most slapdash attempt at a Killing Game ever. Junko would be spinning in her grave over how badly they'd botched their attempt. This was Killing Game Amateur Hour.

But then, on the second try, suddenly Monokuma shows up. And the Kubs seemed as surprised to see him as anyone else.

Well. What if. Just spitballing here. What if Monokuma wasn't supposed to be here? Even his rules are different; He has an endless supply of bodies but the Kubs don't. It's as if they don't share a manufacturing source.

What if this is a copycat Killing Game? Or was, until Monokuma hijacked it? The Mastermind behind the Monokubs may legit be a different person than the Mastermind behind Monokuma. The latter of whom is still probably going to be "Junko Enoshima, somehow".

If I'm right, then you'd need to be awfully familiar with the Killing Game in order to set up your own bootleg version. And Rantaro was the only one among us who seemed to understand what was going on....