#i won't go into it bc it's personal and still processing but everything is okay now and on the up and up

[crimeronan]

luz and hunter as dead kids who came back Literally Perfectly Fine but spend a good year or so worrying that they Came Back Wrong because now hunter can hear his dead bird in his head and luz keeps accidentally making her lip bleed with a leftover snaggletooth and they're like "how do we know that we're still REALLY us. how do we know that the real luz and hunter shouldn't be dead for real." because they're both idiot children with mental illnesses who are prone to passive suicidality. even when the apocalypse dust has settled.

them falling back on their bad habit of only talking to Each Other about their worries because they're like "no one else will understand or validate our super real super rational concerns :( we're both the only dead people in the group so we MUST be objectively right :("

and then eventually - in a way that mysteriously coincides with both of them starting to have fewer daily PTSD symptoms (nightmares, panic attacks, needing to make sure people are Fine, etc) - luz is like, "wait a second. you were technically dead the whole time anyway. and you were totally fine and normal then. like, aside from the horrors. and flapjack wanted you to live. hunter you're fine you should DEFINITELY be here"

and hunter is like "well. you Weren't dead from the beginning BUT god technically loved and died for you specifically like flapjack did for me. and he'd probably be mad that you think you shouldn't be here because you so clearly are fine and the best of all of us and everything's so much better because we have you"

and then they're both like "huh. you may have a point here actually." and both of them are totally 100% all good on the whole being dead thing.

[stardust-moth]

In order to fully understand why it was so hard for Mike to express how deeply he loves El, and why his speech at the end of season 4 was one of the biggest, most important moments for his entire character, we need to look at not just who Mike is as a person, but also everything that has happened since he met her.

Every single time he opens up his heart to her, something horrible happens to her or she's taken away from him almost immediately afterwards.

1x08; he's an awkward little ball of feelings that are way too big for a boy so young. He makes a nervous attempt at confessing and asking her out on a date; when he can't find words that she'll understand, swoops in for a kiss instead. She lights up immediately and smiles. It's a brief moment of hope and pure happiness. Maybe they can have some semblance of a normal life and be normal kids after this is all over.

Minutes later, all hell breaks loose-- they're almost shot, El pushes herself too far until she can barely move, she's almost taken away by the Bad Men, the Demogorgon appears, and she uses the very last of her strength to sacrifice herself to save him and their friends.

He has to watch helplessly as she disappears.

He spends a year caught between believing she's dead and hoping she's still out there somewhere (but if she is alive then why won't she talk to him anymore...?). Kept silent under threat by the lab, he can't confide in anyone or even acknowledge her existence, not with anyone except those involved... but everyone else is keen on moving on and pretending it never happened. He can find some solidarity in Will, at least, who is in a similar kind of emotional turmoil... but it's not the same and it's not enough.

2x9; he is finally reunited with El, and she runs into his arms like she missed him too. She tells him that all those nights he called out to her, she heard him; she was there reciprocating his feelings the whole time.

In a burst of emotions that he's been forced to suppress for an entire year, he lashes out at the reason they've been kept apart (Hopper), screaming and sobbing. It's a massive catharsis for him, and for once an adult is understanding enough to hold him and not punish him for it.

Minutes later, she is going to go headfirst into a pit of monsters, the place where Mike had just firsthand witnessed dozens of people (if not more) get ripped to shreds only hours earlier, and she is going to attempt to close the Gate-- a feat that he knows may take every ounce of her power, just like last time. He cries. He can't lose her again. She promises he won't, and before she can seal that promise with a kiss, they're pulled apart again.

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

3x1; all seems to be okay now. He and El are happily together, and he feels comfortable enough to be playful, romantic, and intimate with her. It's the most emotionally open we've ever seen Mike thus far.

For reasons he can't understand (bc there's no way Hopper explained himself beyond "I'm in charge so do as I say or else"), Hopper is angry about it and threatens to never allow him to see her again: the one thing he fears most.

He panics big time and fucks it up in the process by lying to her. During a frantic attempt to apologize while also abiding by Hopper's rules, he runs into her at the mall. He panics again-- if anyone finds her here, and knows that he was here too, it's all over, and Hopper surely won't hear reason. El dumps him cold on the spot, spurred on by Max and her rebellious attitude (and without any context of course). He isn't given much opportunity to respond. He knows he's in the wrong for lying to her, so what could he even say...?

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

It's a hard blow, and he retreats back into himself, unable to get any joy out of playing D&D (which he clearly hasn't lost interest in), back to the deadpan sarcasm and accidentally snapping a little too harshly at anyone whom he feels would take El's place.

3x6; no one seems to understand the danger El is putting herself in. Everyone is berating him for worrying about her safety. He's seen firsthand what these monsters do to people, he's seen firsthand how El pushes her abilities too far. No one is listening.

The words "I love her and I can't lose her again" burst out in his desperation, perhaps before he's even had a chance to realize how deep those feelings run, despite whatever protective walls he's tried to build around his heart to keep it from getting broken again.

Soon after, all hell breaks loose. El is nearly killed several times over, her leg is ripped open, she pushes herself so hard that she breaks herself and loses her powers completely. Her father is taken from her. She's shattered by all of this, and there's absolutely nothing he could do or say to make it better.

She tells him that when he admitted he loves her, she heard him, and indeed she loves him, too... But now she's leaving.

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

4x1; they've been apart for a few months, and write letters back and forth to each other. El's letters paint a picture of an ideal new life: she and the Byers family are doing well; she's starting school and it's going well; she's made new friends, she likes her new home, everything is going well. She seems to be thriving. She sounds happy, maybe even happier than she had been living in Hawkins. Maybe Max was right, maybe she's better off being her own person without him, and maybe the respectful thing to do is step back... It's a small insecurity that creeps up subconsciously. In his replies he holds back, afraid of clinging too hard.

Though there's little logic in it, he's afraid that if he tells her he loves her again, another disaster might strike and this lovely happy life she's finally found might get taken from her. After all, that's what always seems to happen when he does.

4x2; after months of waiting, they can finally see each other again. He wears her favorite colors, picks a handful of flowers for her, and falls happily back into step with how they used to be. Soon that same day, however, reality becomes clear and the facade crumbles. People he was told were her friends show up to torment and publicly humiliate her. She had been lying. She isn't happy here, she hasn't healed, she is right at the edge of a breaking point that he doesn't see coming at all. He can't believe she would lie to him, she's not the kind of person to lie... especially not about something like bullying, something that she was always so understanding about with him.

On that logicless subconscious level, he wonders if it's all his fault-- he should have known somehow, he should have been there for her. She protected him from his bullies, he should have protected her from hers. He tries to come to her rescue. She runs away from him.

He's helpless to save her, again.

4x3; after a night to process everything that happened-- and deciding that the betrayal he feels from her lying to him is nothing compared to the turmoil she must be going through right now-- Mike approaches her in the gentlest way possible, wanting to listen and trying to understand. El, however, isn't receptive at all to his attempts at reassurance. She is at an all-time low, she's given up. She believes she is unlovable, irredeemable, a monster, just a thing that doesn't even have those superhuman abilities to compensate anymore. Mike can't believe what he's hearing-- doesn't she know that she's always been so much more than her powers? She's always been so much more than what she lacks in quote-unquote "normalcy"... None of those things matter, they have absolutely no bearing on whether she's worthy of being loved, because he loves her, completely regardless of any of these things. He always has...

El starts flinging his restrained words back at him, the products of his insecurity and trauma-induced fear. That fear takes hold yet again, and he stumbles, afraid of saying too much or not enough, because surely both could result in pushing her away-- she's retreating, hearing none of it; nothing he tries to say consoles her.

Moments later, local police come knocking. She's taken away in cuffs, and she's so broken inside that she won't even look at him when he chases the police car down the street and promises he'll get her out somehow...

Once again, he has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

4x8/4x9; after days of driving through the heat and dryness of southwest desert, having narrowly escaped being shot at with military-grade assault rifles, witnessing the death of and burying a man whose last words were that El is in danger... After watching dozens of people get mowed down by a sniper in a helicopter, and watching that same helicopter be smashed into the ground in a ball of flames...

There she is. Just as powerful and beautiful and alive as she's ever been. When he runs to her and embraces her, she looks at him like she can't believe he's real. She's beaming a smile right from her soul and it's like all the insecurity and self-doubt that have plagued them both just vanish from existence now that they're in each other's arms again.

Like always, however, the universe comes crashing down soon after. Max is marked for a gruesome death and all of Hawkins is in danger. They're miles away and helpless, and the only possible way for El to save everyone is if she goes in alone. She's stronger than ever, but so is her foe. Once again, she descends to face all the demons of hell on her own, and Mike can't do anything.

She's losing. She's choking. She's dying. He's helpless.

He must be cursed. He must be. Being with her, loving her, allowing himself to admit he loves her, it always brings only pain and suffering and loss. His heart is so full that it's aching, it's bursting out of his chest, and he can't contain it any longer.

She's going to die and it's going to be all his fault, because he fell in love, and it's cursed her.

Just before it all crumbles into utter despair, the earnest support from his oldest and dearest friend-- one who's always shared and understood his feelings of helplessness-- sparks a light of hope in him: "You're the Heart." You're not helpless. You can save her.

The words that come spilling out of Mike's mouth are truer than any he's ever dared to speak before, and it's the most terrified he's ever been, but he has enough courage for this moment. Despite all of the fears that have been building, stifling, choking him to death for years-- fears that the light of his life will inevitably disappear again, and there's nothing he can do to stop it-- despite it all, he pours out his heart to her.

He loves her. He's always loved her. He loves everything she ever was, is, and could be. He can't imagine a world without her in it. She saved him, in every way a person can be saved. And he needs her to live. He believes in her.

And it works. It's music to her ears.

[ezra-editss]

UPDATE

I started binge-watching and saw x-men 1, 2 & 3 and just a few minutes ago days of future past and let's just say I'm not okay.

I literally had to pause the movie at the plane scene, thought about it and started sobbing. I feel like I need a year to process this, so I'm just gonna give you what my brain is capable of rn and the rest comes when I'm ready😭

I constantly had to think about how this must be for Charles. Imagine you meet this amazing guy that you have a great relationship with, not just great, the best. You love him so much and you seem to want the same thing, but then he basically betrays you and takes your sister with you and you feel all alone. You lost the ability to walk and feel like you're slowly going crazy. So you spend almost ten years in your empty house, depressed and drunk. Someday this random man comes and suddenly, you're supposed to face the one person you never wanted to see again. Well, in one way, you do, because you actually just want everything back to how it was, but you know that won't work. But you do it, bc you have to.

IMAGINE THE NERVOUS FEELING YOU HAVE TO HAVE WHEN YOU BREAK INTO THAT PRISON AND YOU KNOW YOU'RE GONNA SEE HIM AND YOU KNOW HE'LL SEE YOU'RE THE ONE THAT GOT HIM OUT.

And then it happens and all those feelings overwhelm you and you have to bear being in the same plane as him. You get mad at him and you can see that he also still has all those emotions inside of him. And then he apologizes. And even tho you don't have your powers, you can tell he's being honest. genuine. It's what you wanted, probably. But what are you supposed to do? You can't forgive him, even if every fiber of your body wants you to. So you change the subject..

And Erik, who had been in prison for years, probably went through what had happened a thousand times in his mind, because he had nothing else to do. One day, this guy comes and breaks him out and he doesn't understand why, but whatever, he's free. And then the elevator doors open and he sees the person he'd thought he'd never see again and he's clearly not okay and it's because of HIM.

God, this is so painful. It's just two men who fell in love when they were younger and tried for years and years, even in a different universe, but they always ended up apart from each other. Even though all that they both ever wanted was to be on the same side.

(This turned out so much longer than I thought. Sometimes I just start writing and don't stop. That's also why it's always so messy. Anywayss, gonna see Deadpool 3 tomorrow, so let's gooo I hope that's gonna be happier.)

[xitsensunmoon]

Hello!! I am absolutely in LOVE with how you draw vampire Sun and Moon's hands/claws, and I was wondering if you have any tips for how to draw hands human and non human?

Love your art and your au!! Can't wait to see what you come up with next!

Hope you have a great day!! :D

Oogh drew this really fast in class and I'm no teacher so I just will show how I personally draw hands but disclaimer I'm drawing them for like 5+ years so obviously this method is not for everyone thank you let's go

First of all I will publicly admit that I love drawing monster/skeleton/robot hands much more than human ones explanation later

First of all I draw everything in direction lines starting from palm(1) because it's literally the base of the whole hand.

The fingers are formed from curves that go inside??(2,3) Idk how to word. And the last knuckle gets two curves in and out(4), the out one is basically a claw but through years I decided to just connect them together, looks nice

Repeat the process but in opposite direction(1,2). Don't curve them for too much tho, I'm just showing the directions. I mean you can, I can't stop you but that's how I do things here. The last knuckle has the same curves tho(3). Add the knuckle lines(4) they're usually ellipses, not circles and not straight lines. (I mean they can be but it has to be very specific angle). The claws' curve can also change bc of the angle or my laziness(5).

Now the most important part.

Practice.

Now human hands. Hate them. Don't look at them. Urgghh.

But the technic is the same, the only difference is that lines and angles are much softer and it has...

Flesh. Yeah. And folds of skin. And nails. You can see by all the sloppy lines that I struggle lmao. Also shorter fingers. And no claws. Sad. Pathetic./j

And btw to all people who loves to use the meme "draw a circle, add details" - yes, it's the point. That's how it works for artists with skill and experience. Because we had a lot of practice. No matter how good tutorial is it won't teach you how to draw, it won't train your hand. So. Draw. Practice. It will come sooner or later. I saw dozens of artists who were able to achieve the pro lever in 1-2 years because they drew things all the time, every day, few times a day. Practice.

Anyway, hope it helps tho. Even if not I still love drawing hands so it's okay lmao. And I'm glad you like my au!!! Have a nice day<33

[lains-reality]

hello! i rlly love your blog and the way you explain things

how do i just apply? whenever i do i stress that i’m doing it wrong because i feel overwhelmed by the amount of info and things i have to make sure i’m doing right then i spiral and over consume again. i don’t want to rely on tumblr anymore.

what’s the simplest way to apply all of this and just “manifest” (i don’t rlly like this word bc it implies there’s a process or that i’m trying to get) my dream life? thank you

hi! ty!

it takes some courage! i also read a lot as a way to feel secure, but eventually i just got tired and just decided 'i have no more fears from this day on! done with this!' and i made it a practise to stop avoiding myself whenever something comes up

its all very natural, i can't say how you'll just finally decide that your over this lol

"whenever i do i stress that i’m doing it wrong because i feel overwhelmed by the amount of info"

well, learn how to stop yourself in the moment. you're putting too much pressure on your character! it only know what it knows now, it will not accept anything outside of what it already knows! thats why you leave it alone. read all you want to read, but stop when you feel like you have to. like you must. let yourself relax.

"i don’t want to rely on tumblr anymore."

good! keep going!

"what’s the simplest way to apply all of this"

just do it. try it and see. something that is a recurent theme in all the posts and book i read, is to try it. experiment. just for this one moment, let all the worries go. promise to never make problems for yourself again. you've given up troubles now, no more. just test it and see. surrender. let the mind cry and scream, for this moment, you won't allow it to deter you from freedom.

i'll give a list of stuff that helped me

theres only now -> stop bringing the past to now, learn to sit in the present moment

stop avoiding emotions, sit with the fear, discomfort etc

you already are Self! nothing can undo that!

be patient

non attachment (or detachment)

experiment - take something you already know and test it

question everything

find out what are the stories you want, what the desire will supposedly give you

it is not necessary to get rid of thoughts or images just stop deriving identity from them

"am i arguing for my limitations?"

soon more lovely thoughts and images will appear in your awareness and you can choose what you want

can you outgrow it? not you. observe it? not you. in the absense of it, you don't dissapear? not you.

be okay with not having it. get to a place where no one and no thing can disturb you (and your happiness and peace)

just see how absurd all this shit is. like i was born? what was it like before i was born? why is it normal to hear your voice in your head? no one knows what tomorrow is but we all worry abt it, where tf does the voice in your head come from? how can we actually identify feelings, what if the feeling pride isn't actually pride and you've been lied to? do you know how crazy this is for an infant?! we say we are an [x] person and that changes and so we say we are an [y] person, so who are we?? if we can change like that? being a human is confusing, seek the truth out and question all

just start to disidentify as the body-mind. when you disidentify as the body-mind you'll start to feel better as all the pressure you put on your character falls away. this will intice you to keep going as you feel freer!

have fun!! go and live life!! appriciate what you have now - this is all expressing the character, omnipr3sence, perfectly! you'll start to see "i barely thought abt x 2 days ago and now i see it here lol" "i was worrying about y and now i see it here too" "oh so this comes along with being the character too, maybe i should change that story"

you're in your own dream, see it as your dream and you'll start seeing the connections.

no need to convince the character, just move on. let yourself doubt this 'reality'

disclaimer: i'm still learning too! so please keep practising and have your own epiphanies!

reading

habit

no need to convince

behaviour

[juyomiao]

Only ONE - sung hanbin x gn!reader

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14 ☆ extramarital relationship

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chapter warnings: hanbin is a bit of a shit bf ngl but its okay bc everything gets resolved 🥰 ; written part was proofread but i have the brain capacity of a peanut so ; 1 psych ward joke

written part under the cut (499 words)

you push the classroom door open. as if your mood being shit wasn't enough, the whole situation has given you a headache that's killing you, leaving you with little to no energy to go on with your day.

your eyes scan the nearly empty room, any hope of seeing hanbin quickly dying down. only woobin and yeji are here, you have no idea where beomgyu is and, honestly, you couldn't care less. the least you spend time in the same room as him, the least likely you are to commit a heinous crime that could get you a life sentence.

"where's hanbin?" you ask, turning to yeji. she hesitates for a second, handing you a paper with a sigh "this was already here when we arrived." you blink, confused, not even bothering to read the content of the letter. "he's officially resigning," woobin adds, as if it wasn't clear enough.

you shake your head, surely you heard that wrong, right? "come again?"

the door is pushed open, and then slammed closed again. "you heard them, hanbin resigned," beomgyu joins in the conversation, an insufferable smile plastered on his face.

"here we go," woobin sighs, expecting you to fight back. for some reason, that's enough to deter you from doing it, you already have a shit ton of issues - some bigger than you, than this student council and this school - adding to them won't do any good.

you finally lower your eyes to the paper, reading in disbelief its content. it is indeed a resignation letter, and it is indeed hanbin's resignation letter. you feel your hands starting to shake, "this is pretty much a confession, no?" beomgyu says, snatching the letter from you "should keep this safe, after all it's one of the few credible proofs we have," he gave you a fake pityful look "as if a picture and several texts where he admits to doing it were not enough."

you still can't process this. you are ninety- no, a hundred percent sure hanbin is innocent and is covering for someone else, but how could you prove it when his confession is right there, written on paper, ready to be used to expose hanbin's wrongdoings? you don't even know who he could be covering for

"y/n," yeji places a hand on your arm "i get this is a lot for you to take in, but we can't deny the obvious."

"yes we can," you say, ripping the letter from beomgyu's hands and folding it to put it in your backpack, earning several complaints by both him - loudly, because he can't shut up to save his life - and a few quiet ones from woobin, who is clearly fed up with the countless arguments the both of you have been causing.

"i refuse to let whoever framed hanbin get away with it, and i refuse to let him be a passive little bitch who accepts whatever the universe throws at him and just… lets it happen!"

☆ note: IGNORE THE TIMESTAMPS they r all over the place bc i wrote this through the span of like 3 days ,, written part is absolute asscheeks bc i had to rewrite it all in lowercase n present tense (i wrote it before chapter 9's written part even existed) n somehow add woobin bc he wasn't supposed to be there at first (n then i became a luvity with a need to make everything abt cravity)

☆ SYNOPSIS: sung hanbin is everyone's dream guy: perfect grades, perfect looks, perfect personality, he has it all. he's even class AND student council president! everyone loves him, and you, as his vice-president, are no exception to that. having been in love with him since you were 12, you try to tone down your feelings "for the sake of professionalism" and claim it's simple admiration for someone who objectively has no flaws. but there is one small detail you missed, in all these years admiring him: he has an even bigger crush on you.

☆ TAGLIST: (italics = couldn't tag) @hananovi @soobeaniee @idkwatodoanymore @huipinkhair @homohoons @sunnyglower @lethalvenus @sunoksunny @tocupid @deafeningtyrantmilkshake @winteringdream @ikeryn @ilovechanhee @thesiriusmap @hee-lanat @baekstans @blaycke @vernonfernandez @8turning @yeolsbestie @asteroidchenle @hvnyujiq @hikyeom @r4innoms @enhypen-scholarship @sulkygyu @meowrinz @rikimylove @ridinhyuck @lumixen @neohyxn @ceanairy @beomibeom @cherriegyu @sunwcloud @k4hzuhas @annoyingbitch83 @stickersim @dreamyyn @anawesomeaquatic @softforjungwoo @utopiakys @247hrs @sunswoonie @minhui896 @chanhee-hee @nxurxn @peachysohn @kpoprhia @haesunflower

[bao-dur]

Out of pure curiosity, what do you think is missing from Halsin's story?

after writing it all down, i realized it's not just what's missing but also what's broken, inconsistent and shallow about Halsin, hopefully that still answers your question :)

his backstory in the underdark comes out of nowhere and is never again brought up!! it is, in fact, brushed off as just some silly goofy thing that happened to him once!! hihi haha i was a sex slave for two years. im so embarrased to tell you this, tav haha anyways how about round two with the twins ??? while im standing speechless mouth agape struggling to process the story he just told me. to say it was written and handled poorly is putting it mildly

he is shown to be a shrewd person (with his francesca choice for the new archdruid back in emerald grove) so expand on that! show that he's more than just a pile of muscles! show me he's cunning and has bite! there's so much political intrigue in act 3, have him comment on it, on gortash's plan, have Halsin compare it to some other people/events that happened in the past and how they mirror what's currently happening in baldur's gate, my dude is 3 50, he's seen some shit im sure, even living in the forest the news would reach him so no excuses

he's so closely tied to act 2 i have no clue why he's locked off as a companion till you find daniel (which on my first playthrough was just before attack on moonrise, that almost made my blood boil bc not even 2 hours later orin snatched him up??? and i was like?? ok?? she took who? i barely know the guy?). i think he's too tight-lipped about what happened all those years ago with the shadowcurse and i would have loved to hear more about it (like the implication of him killing isobel and the conflict with the thorms)

I need him to be the biology/nature expert equivalent to Gale with his weave expertise. he should have more to say about the worms!! he should be studying you under the microscope the entire game!!!! literally bring back all the missing EA halsin dialogue!! i should be able to drag his ass into the underdark!!! I WANT HIS KNOWLEDGE! I WANT IT TO BRING BACK BAD MEMORIES! expand on drows and their culture in this game by using halsin as the conduit that tells you everything he learned from spending his time here!! so maybe that info dump in act 3 about him being a slave wouldn't come out of nowhere

i refuse to believe he'd have nothing to say about the elder brain after seeing it. i want him to be absolutely repulsed, terrified but also intrugied by the mindflayer colony under moonrise, i want him to cautiously study every nook and cranny there and offer his insight

absolutely baffled he won't say anything to that one dragonborn druid back in baldur's gate that is trying to keep a tree alive???? for all his distain for the cities he sure is quiet here, seeing nature failing in the middle of it while a guy is desprately trying to keep it alive. maybe make it so these two actually manage to turn this spot into something more beautiful, a lush tree in the middle of a concrete road that attracts people who come over to relax in its shade

if they bring up his hatred of the city life, why not let me turn him into a full on shadow druid (which is already hinted on during one of the conversations with him in act 3), kind of how you can keep shadowheart a shar worshipper or steer her toward selune. plant some seeds of his loathing back in act 2, how nature had to be sacrificed because people had delusions of grandure (the elder brain plot and the thorms) etc

besides wanting to cure the shadowcurse and enjoying whittling there's nothing more to this guy. after the curse is lifted all he's got are the ducks.............. once he'll mention he doesn't like the city life. okay, you've been on this earth good 350 years, my guy, you know how cities are don't act surprised

an alternative ending is missing, you should be able to go with him

personally, i think his personality is missing because he is too flat and frankly, boring. he is too agreeable even if you're a meanie to others. just as long as you don't kill innocents he's a ride or die. it's not his fault of course, he's just badly written, too surface level. which is a terrible shame bc i'm so in love with him but i'd like to fall for his personality too. once there's a fleshed out one. so it's quite hard to speculate on what's missing about a guy there's barely any information on in-game tho :'(

[spideybatsy]

A+B | Chapter Three

Summary: GN!reader is falling in love with Bruce Wayne, even if they won't admit it. Everything takes a turn for the worse when Bruce's biggest secret comes to light.

Pairing: Bruce Wayne x GN!Reader

WC: 2.1K

Warnings: attempted mugging!

Notes: Can be read as any batsy you’d like, I personally picture Bale bc I’m a slut for him <3

Masterlist

“Going on another date, are you?”

A laugh leaves my mouth as I turn to my flatmate, Stacey. “I think you’re the only person who would call it that,” I respond.

“And what would you call it?” She walks further into the room and sits on the end of my bed.

“I don’t know,” honesty is always the best policy. “Probably just dinner with a friend.”

“A friend who just so happens to be very rich, very handsome and quite the bachelor.” She hums, “how many times have you been over now?”

“Maybe half a dozen?” It’s been a few months and you try to have dinner weekly, but things come up and plans change. “I’ll have you know that Alfred joins us every now and then.”

“Yes, Alfred. The older man who has been taking care of your ‘friend’ since his birth. Some might call him a father to Bruce.” She uses air quotes as she says friend. “Not something a couple would do at all.”

I try to brush it off, as I have done every time before, but something inside me just snaps. “Don’t you think he would’ve made a move if he was interested in me?”

Stacey goes to respond but I cut her off.

“Every time he’s seen with someone, it’s a 20-something model whose skinner, prettier and much more PR than me. He’s a playboy, Stace. He’s never had trouble making a move before and therefore, the lack of ��move’ shows that he has no interest in me.”

She stands from the end of my bed, gently taking me into her arms. “You don’t actually think that, do you?”

I struggle to keep the tears at bay. I will not cry about this. Not now, not ever. Bruce is a friend and a friend alone. He’s never made a move to indicate otherwise and it would be unfair of me to be upset about it. There are much more pressing matters than an unreciprocated crush.

“It’s fine, honestly. I’m just sick of having it thrown in my face.” My voice sounds so small, so weak.

“Okay, I’m sorry. No more Bruce talk.” Stacey rubs my back, putting me more at ease.

“Thank you.”

Our moment is cut short as someone knocks on the door. “That’ll be Alfred.” He insisted on picking me up once he found out my car was getting serviced.

“I’ll get the door,” Stacey says. “You, get all cleaned up. Can’t have him know we were talking about a boy.”

--

“Well, well, well, look at what the cat dragged in.” Bruce says as he stands by the door, ushering me inside.

“As long as we’re feline fine, it doesn’t matter.” I hold back a grin, watching as Bruce’s face lights up.

“That was terrible, truly.” We sit down on the couch, his thigh casually resting against my own. Every time I come over, he sits slightly closer to me. Whether it’s purposeful or subconscious, I don’t know. I do know that it sends my heart racing, so I take a deep breath as I look around the room, hoping it looks innocent enough.

We talk briefly about work but there’s not much to say. We only saw each other a few days ago and despite living in Gotham, we live uneventful lives. So, rather than sit in silence I turn on the TV. I’m flicking through the channels when an old cartoon catches my eye. I hesitate and then switch the channel.

“I thought you liked Looney Tunes?”

I turn to Bruce, still holding the remote. “I figured you wouldn’t be interested, it’s fairly… childish.”

The corner of his mouth turns down as he leans closer to me. I notice the mole next to his eye, I don’t know why I’d never seen it before. “I’d do anything, as long as you were with me.” Before I can fully process his words, he pulls back. “Looney Tunes isn’t childish anyway, it’s classic.”

Without turning away from him, I switch the channel back. Anything? With me? Bruce doesn’t look back down at me and instead seems invested in the show. I miss his small smile when I turn to the screen, I also miss the way his entire face softens when he looks over at me.

We manage to watch a few episodes before Alfred comes to get us. Whether it was because me or him, I’m not sure, but our legs are squished together, his hand resting on my leg. Knowing dinner is ready, I go to turn the tv off, but my finger slips and I accidentally bring up the news. There’s a robbery happening downtown, there are a few hostages being held at gunpoint. Bruce shifts on the couch, his hand subconsciously squeezing my knee. Alfred also moves closer, leaning on the back of the couch behind Bruce.

“Do you think Batman will show up?” Both their heads snap to me. Anytime the topic of Batman came up, I changed the subject. It was probably silly, but there was an incident last year where Bruce was being held hostage and the vigilante never showed up. It wasn’t publicly addressed, but a lot of people said that Batsy hated rich people, so he wouldn’t save the billionaire.

It’s Alfred that responds first, “I’m sure the police have it handled.”

“Batman has a duty to the people.” Bruce almost snaps back.

Alfred lets out an irate sigh. “Everyone needs a break. Even the great Batman.”

Bruce doesn't respond, instead, he stands up. I hadn’t realised how warm he was until he left my side.

“What do you think?” It takes me a moment to realise Alfred is addressing me.

I look over at Bruce, whose eyebrows are furrowed, his face in a tight scowl. I wonder if this is bringing up bad memories for him. Bringing up the anxiety he must've felt that day. I briefly consider lying but I know Bruce would see straight through me.

“I think he carries a great burden.” I look over at Bruce, but he’s death staring at the ground. “And I feel very sorry for him.”

At this, he looks at me. “Sorry?”

“Crime in Gotham never stops, which means he never stops. That’s got to be too much for one man to handle, no matter how good-looking he is.”

Alfred goes to speak but is immediately cut off by Bruce. “You think Batman is good-looking?”

“You don’t?” I almost laugh. “I mean, look at him. All dark and mysterious, with huge muscles and a desire to help people? How could you not be attracted to him?”

Silence falls over the room and suddenly I’m worried that I said too much. Bruce probably hates Batman; Batman seems to hate him. God, what if I’ve just ruined everything, my new little fa-

My thoughts are cut short when I see a small, cheeky smile play on Bruce’s lips. Alfred tries, and fails, to cover his laugh.

“Well, when you say it like that.” The older man says, “How could you not be?” Then he walks out of the room.

Bruce is still smiling when he comes over to the couch and takes my hand, leading me towards the dining room. I don’t miss the way he looks back at the tv, or the way his eyes narrow when he does.

--

We’re halfway through our meal when Bruce puts his utensils down. Alfred didn’t join us tonight, so it’s just the two of us. I hesitate on my own meal when he stands up and walks over to the side of my chair. Gently, he reaches over and tucks my hair behind my ear. His hands comes to rest on my cheek. His palm is so big that it covers my cheek and still lingers on the side of my neck.

“I’ve got to go, A.” The disappointment that floods my veins must show on my face because he starts stroking my cheek with his thumb.  “I don’t know how long I’ll be gone but you’re welcome to stay as long as you want. Alfred can make you anything you ask for and then he’ll drive you home.”

“Okay.” My voice is softer than I expected. “Is everything okay?”

“Apart from leaving you, everything is fine.” He leans in and for a moment, just a brief moment, I think he’s going to kiss me.

Instead, he pulls away and leaves. I try to compose myself enough to finish my meal, but my appetite has vanished.

“Is everything okay, Master Wayne?” Alfred stops short when he notices Bruce’s empty chair. His eyes shift over to me and instantly soften. “He left you here?”

“Yeah,” I rise from my seat. “I’m going to head home.”

“Give me one second to get the car.”

“It’s okay, I’d rather walk.” He hesitates for a moment but must decide it’s a good decision because he leads me to the door. “I am sorry, truly. Master Wayne doesn’t always think.”

“Thank you, Alfred.” I wrap my arms around his torso. “I’ll see you.”

Then I walk out the door and into the darkness.

--

The streets of Gotham are creepy during the day, so I’ve always avoided them at night. But now that I’m here, the fresh air helps ease the stinging behind my eyes. I’m not sure why I’m so upset. Bruce is an incredibly busy man, and I’ve never had any right to his time.

Part of me wonders if I’m actually upset because he didn’t kiss me. I feel myself cupping my cheek where his hand was, but it just doesn’t feel right. Am I just making all this up?

In the back of my mind, I hear distant footsteps behind me. I’m so wrapped up in my head that I don’t notice as they progressively get faster and closer.

Does Bruce think about me when I’m not around? He talks so sweetly but maybe he talks to everyone like that.

The only warning is the prickle at the back of my neck. Then heavy hands grab my shoulders. A scream escapes my throat as I try to run away, thrashing in his grasp. But it’s no use. The stranger effortlessly pulls me off the street and shoves me into a brick wall.

My face is gets scratched while I struggle against him but I quickly stop when I feel the metal head of a gun press into my side.

“Give me your wallet.” I can hardly hear him over my ragged breathing.

My hands fumble around my pocket for my wallet, I don’t bother telling him it's empty.

“Hurry up, bitch.” He presses the gun further into my side, “Or I’ll press the trigger.”

The tears are freely running down my face now, I’m almost hiccupping with every breath. My wallet falls to the floor, and I tense as he pulls away and leans down to reach for it.

Seconds pass.

Then a minute.

I take a deep breath and turn my head to look behind me, but no one’s there.

I’m overcome with relief and turn around to spot my wallet still on the floor. It’s wet and dirty but at least I won’t have to get new ID. There’s the crunch of broken glass near the dumpster. I can’t stop the flinch that jolts up my spine at the sound, as I cower away.

“Don’t be scared.” The voice is deep, unnaturally so.

“Please, I don’t have anything.” I whimper. “Please, I swear.”

A figure emerges from the darkness, yet the darkness doesn’t disappear. Then I realise, he is the darkness.

“You’re safe.”

My knees give out and I fall to the floor, as sobs rack through my body. I can’t see through my tears, but I hear him step closer. Then, he’s by my side. Arms wrapped around me, palm on my face and thumb stroking my cheek calmly.

I don’t know how long we sit there but it’s drizzling by the time I relax. Now that my eyes are cleared, I rake them over the strange man. He’s covered in head-to-toe black, but don’t look any higher than his chest and the bat symbol plastered there. I’m too scared to look into his eyes.

He helps me stand up, his arm still wrapped around my waist. He moves around for a moment and then drapes his cape across my shoulders. I hadn’t realised how cold I was. We stand in the street for what feels like minutes but is probably seconds. Then, I drag my gaze up his chest and to his eyes, which are staring back at me.

They’re stunning.

Yet, there’s something so familiar about him that I just can’t place my finger on.

“Come on, let’s get you home.”

I nod and he slowly starts walking me out of the street. Then I see it. The mole next to his eye. I say it before I even think. Just one small word, yet the damage is incomprehensible.

“Bruce?”

[theragethatisdesire]

i’m sorry ur not feeling well 🥺💗 sending you positive vibes tonight!!

for the slumber party plz tell me allll about your favourite character that you don’t currently write about 🙊 i wanna hear all the secret deets

HEY TIFFFFF i appreciate it :( i hope i'm not like being annoying venting on here i'm just so miz and i know my irls are sick of hearing it lolol anyways!!!!

okay my current obsession is gojo. and bc i haven't actually started the fic yet, i don't technically write for him often, only per request. does that count? idk i wanna talk ab gojo lol

just gonna throw everything below a cut because idk where i'm headed with this. minors stay away!

this is like, canonical, but gojo's so fucking annoying LMAO like i just know he is the most obnoxious, can't-sit-still, sarcastic asshole on the planet. he really makes it hard to love him sometimes.

this....is not a spoiler for a fic i'm def not writing (wink wink) but i just don't think gojo could really properly fall for someone who was not powerful. like i think part of his distance from others is his (admitted) narcissism that is somewhat well-earned considering he is....gojo fucking satoru. he needs someone that is at least somewhat towards the top of their ranks in whatever they do.

i also feel like gojo would be encouraging to a fault? like always pushing you further towards your goals, stepping in obnoxiously if your boss doesn't notice you've been working your ass off for a promotion (again, annoying). like he won't rest until you've made progress.

gojo also gets baby girl-ified WAY too much

like hear me out

we see him through the eyes of the kids/around his students in most of s1, and that's not to say he doesn't have the potential to be a playful, lighthearted person *when he wants to be*

but remember that scene of him talking to the jujustu higher-up where the guy tells him to watch his mouth and gojo laughs in his fucking face??

he's an egotistical, all-powerful, ballsy maniac. like gojo is not braiding your hair and cooing in your ear 24/7.

he is slowly backing you into a wall and taking what he wants from you. like sorry he just is.

also gojo strikes me as someone who is ....nasty. like, blood and knife play, gun play, psychopathic kind of nasty in the bedroom. idk if i would personally ever write that, but he's been through so much and seen so much gore you know that that's fucked with his....tastes, so to speak

i do think however that gojo would be absolutely devoted to his partner

like it would take him forever to come around and accept that he now felt responsible for protecting yet another person and that he had accidentally formed a connection (i see gojo as also having a very weird relationship with his humanity vs. his divinity but more on that another time)

but once he's around? he's in it for life. i mean, even if you don't ship stsg, you must acknowledge that gojo has never been willing to truly let geto go. he couldn't kill him, refused to believe geto had done that even though geto was showing signs of deteriorating mentally.

he's the same way with his partner. good luck breaking up with gojo because it's going to be a years long process.

gojo loves someone who can push back at him. he doesn't want an entirely submissive partner (kinda like eren!)

he likes someone who will put him in his place, has a sharp tongue, isn't afraid to stand up for themselves or others.

love language is absolutely gift-giving like that man has to spoil his partner he can't help it

size kink. turns his infinity on mid-sex to punish you. wants to have sex where he stands overlooking tokyo in the s1 opening. always takes the blindfold off during sex. huge public sex guy. i said what i said. it's hard being correct.

i could literally go on for HOURS tiff you have no idea the grip this man has on me. i cannot wait to write this fic!!!!!!!! ah!!!!!

thanks for coming to my slumber party lovie kisses from me to u :)

[mukamibabe]

What do u think karlheinz 3 wives or just cordelia would react to karl falling inlove with a guy?

Srry fot another request, im just rlly down bad for him

uhhh . ok. am i officially back? not uhh,, not really but all i know is: i can answer this one. whether i answer more, i have no idea- my amount of free time has run thin but i do know that i could do this pretty quickly. therefore! here you go!

no warnings other than.. the diamoms are.. the diamoms. they're not angels,, and uh cordelia is especially awful. that being said, tread carefully? i still never know how to warn about any works regarding this series bc.. it’s dark?? lol dl is it’s own warning.

cordelia is in complete denial. i mean, she can hardly believe karl loves anyone but her, and i highly doubt she took the news lightly. i also imagine her having a slight suspicion, because lets just say karl isn't exactly shy when it comes to spending time with his newfound love. sure, it might not be like.. extreme pda, but .. cordelia knows. she claims she does, at least. she thinks she knows this man to his very core, as he knows her. also, there's just.. something about the look in karl's eyes that makes her feel a sort of betrayal.

she keeps this info to herself for a while, but if anyone were to look closely, it won't be hard to realize that cordelia's being especially clingy as of late. it already hurts her pride enough, knowing that karlheinz has two other wives. but, for her beloved karl to be interested in a guy?? it's not something she could have even imagined, and it irks her more than anything. especially if karl's interested in a very .. 'plain' looking person. which is kind of hard anyways because cordelia has ridiculously high standards. will that stop her from trying to seduce them, though? definitely not.

cordelia will .. 99% at least attempt to sway the heart of both karlheinz (as per usual) and karl's love interest. and, if the seduction thing doesn't work on him? she'll make sure everyone in this messy situation is miserable. if she can't be happy with karl, no one else can be.

beatrix is shocked, but you will hear and see none of it. stone faced as always, no matter how she finds out of the news, she won't respond in anyways. deep down, i genuinely think she would be unbothered. in fact, she almost admires both karlheinz and his lover- it's a bold move. especially when there's so much... baggage involved. and by that, i mean : cordelia, christa + karl's millions of kids.

she's not supportive, nor is she against it. beatrix has always been one to stick to herself, and i highly doubt her and karl's new love interest will interact often, or at all, period, but truthfully, she wishes his new lover luck. she won't get in their way, but she knows there are others who will.

also i still.. i still feel that energy from her. who's to say she doesn't have a secret lady lover??? hm??

christa's heartbroken, but she would be no matter who karlheinz got with. she's .. going through a lot. like, a ton. it was hard for her to accept the fact that he had previous wives, but, with karl’s reassurance that she’s his true love, everything is okay. christa trusts karlheinz, at least, on some days, so .. there’s no way he could love anyone but her. i imagine christa being the last to find out, for some reason. i mean, i guess it makes sense because she’s kind of isolated and like.. locked away most of the time but.. idk. there’s also a part of her that literally will not process it. ..it makes her mental state in an entirely worse state than it was already, for multiple reasons. first, karl lied to her. did he? she is the one he loves the most, so why..?? ?why is she hearing all this stuff about him having a new lover?? with a guy, at that, too.. she’s in denial for the longest time but it’s also because she genuinely doesn’t believe it. hell, she doesn’t even know if she’s just hearing lies or not- even if she saw physical proof, i feel like she’d think she was hallucinating or something. 

once she’s past all of that, she shuts herself off. she’s completely heartbroken. empty. there was a part of her deep down that felt like karl never truly loved her, but at least she knew she was the favorite wife - again, as per karl’s reassurance.

honestly, if she were in a better mental state, i can see her genuinely worried for this guy. she loves karl, or at least harbors some sort of true feeling towards him, and her pity for his new lover isn’t out of hatred, it’s an actual concern. as much as she loves her husband, christa is very well aware that he’s never up to any good, and there is a part of her, deep down, that would feel bad for his new partner.

[kinaesthetiqueer]

(clearing out some drafts. condensing a couple of jnpr vs rwby into one post here)

August 1

i still haven't decided who wins rwby v jnpr

given me, there's an obvious answer. for plot reasons, i could convince glynda to skip it altogether. for canon reasons [post ends there, presumably i got distracted]

August 3rd

thinking about how i backed myself into a corner with rwby vs jnpr and how i don't really wanna write it so i might just skip it _(:3」∠)_

spoiler alert. processing rambles below.

if it does happen, rwby will probably lose because of weiss. unless rwby can convince me otherwise. they have the semblance advantage and canon on their side (food fight). however jnpr has non-canon on their side bc they're god's (my) favorite and also the way ive worked this volume favors them being more cohesive as a unit

i am thinking about ways to communicate even clearer when something from canon does or does not happen but i hope it's thus far clear that some things have yet to happen.

as Nora points out in her pre-jnpr vs crdl thoughts, she and jaune lost their duos demonstratory match. while it's yet to be mentioned, jaune still lost to cardin in his one-on-one as he does in canon.

i just rewatched jaunedice and forever fall before i decided to get tooooo far into JNdice planning. massively surprised that pyrrha becomes the target of cardin's ire simply because of being a know it all??? i knew i had my events mixed up but heavens that's hella extreme. makes dove's reasoning for going after Nora in ssvau seem... reasonable... good heavens. (hint: it's the jnpr vs crdl knockout)

for context's sake, and my own personal rambly timeline needs—

at the end of the rwby vs jnpr week (a week from current chapter), forever fall happens. which places jaundice taking place slightly to the left because i've adjusted cardin's asshole motivation in this au to crest with jaunedice, not quite originate there. giving a shorter time period of jaune torture. thankfully, because nora is our only pov that keeps track of jaune, i won't have to completely rehash canon-two-steps-to-the-left for this arc, only allude to what she notices. unfortunately for me, i do have to know everything that is happening. hence this ramble.

anyways i think the issue with jnpr vs rwby is several fold

i have a favorite team

nora is well rested

weiss is exhausted

jaune is not great at thinking on his feet

like they still prep and plan for rwby but they know damn well rwby has been more cautious about showing off than crdl ever was

pyrrha and nora and ren are gonna kick ass

blake and yang are gonna kick ass

ruby learns from earlier in the week after [spoilers] and can definitely kick ass if/when she stops pouting about weiss

the outcome has implications for the end-of-semester rankings which i am also still deciding

damn they might just have to fight until a draw due to time. because i think jaune and weiss would go down faaaaaaast.

----

bringing us to now....

okay SO since early august, i did some pretty intense problem solving and actually came up with the funniest solution possible. good news, i'm not going to skip it! bad news, im keeping the solution to myself until we get there.

it is my hope that my fight scenes are okay and fun to read, but i will be SO real with you they are one of my least favorite things to write. however, i think this one will be pretty fun

[psychelis-new]

Sorry I might sound really dumb rn but from what I understand. Even readings on/abt our destined person is not prominent bcs we constantly changing, right?

Okay, let me try again: All the readings work for PRESENT energies (as you read them, which can happen anytime in your life) and refer to how they MAY be in the future time, again, in relation to your PRESENT energy/situation. e.g. let's say you have planned to go away on vacation next week, so you have planned what you will do there according on how you feel now. But suddenly you get a flu. This means your vacation is cancelled and you'll have to change your plans: you'll stay home and take care of you and you'll postpone your vacation. Your future has changed (ofc this is a stupid example also cause is based on external factors, but maybe it can help you see my point).

Now: yes, we all go through life, experience stuff, and have this thing that is called "free will/freedom of choice". This means we/you/everyone CAN change our future and that POTENTIALLY you may find yourself in a different situation than the one predicted at this PRESENT time: because you made a different choice and this moved you on a parallel path, because the other person did (if we talk about FS)... When you read about a person's traits, it's all predicted as for how they are now. But ofc they can change, they can grow: how? How long will it take? How/when will you meet them? It's not always possible to know EXACTLY cause it's up on your choices (both of you). -This is also what I refer to when I speak about divine timing-.

It doesn't mean that the destined person you're reading about now, is going to be another person "physically" speaking (but for some it could: again, free will). It may just mean that this person has made choices/worked on themselves and so some of their traits that were predicted by a reader MAY not resonate with them (anymore) when you'll be with them.

This is why future is hard to predict precisely anyway, especially the "far" away future (not just FS, but life in general. It depends on your present choices too. Maybe a reader is telling you about your future career, but if you keep procrastinating, you may never see that coming true: it's also on your present choices). And this is why you may keep reading "it's almost there" but you aren't see anything in your 3d: not just that is up on your choices, but also "almost there" in 5d timing may even mean 4 years -as for now/present time- (for example), which is nothing compared to the 20+ you spent searching for your person (for example again).

Readings are to be taken as a general guide based on your present life, not as pure gold and universal truth. You can see bits of what may be in store for you in your future through them, but you can and need to make your choices and be the author of your life in the 3d since now. [Let me add: sometimes something in your *near* future may be blocked to readers and you cannot know about it in a specific moment: this probably means you need to make a choice in that moment (days, months..) that will change that future and it's up on you to decide which road to take to get there. Like... a test, even.] The how, the why, the when in regards to your future, they mostly depend on you and what you'll decide to experience, what you'll work towards, the actions you will or won't take for whatever reason. Ofc some things you may want to experience will probably not become true or may not be good for you cause they're not written in your life (call them lessons), but others will (as meeting your person). It's still worth a try to see which will, and answer all the how, why, when while enjoying the process of living.

We have this need to know precisely everything, every little detail, about our future, probably also cause of our upbringing, and here's why many rely so much and deeply on readings: it makes us feel safer know what's in store so that we can be prepared and act accordingly, reducing the stress (but honestly, this is more of a mental/emotional state and I'm not sure readings will definitely help everyone: we may end up asking the same question everyday and add stress to our life anyway). So again, we cannot know future things in depth cause we can always change that part, we can change how we get there, when, why... We need to understand that we can stay in the unknown and it can also be enjoyable. It doesn't have to be unsafe. It can be uncomfortable ofc cause we're not used to it, but not necessarily unsafe. Especially if you believe in yourself and your own power. And trust your Guides and Universe, they'll always help you giving you signs and having your back. (Reminder I'm a psychic I want to know everything too and not knowing the how to something has been causing me lot of stress but... it's good to put a fullstop to this need sometimes and just live, try and see, hoping and working for the best outcome).

Trust that you'll end up where and with whom you need to be anyway.

[bonesandthebees]

chapter 8 ending got me in my feels

when it comes to tommy finding and using wilburs name, he obviously isn't doing it the best way and we see wilbur hate it a lot, but in their situation there's not many other options, tommy does what he believes is best and he does it in good faith

obviously not the right moral way, but when do get to you be absolutely moral and do everything perfectly fine even irl, much more in their situation, tommy also definitely isn't an expert or even knows much about what to do

tommy knows/suspects that wil tried to escape bc of a vision so he might think he's working on bit of a tight time here before wil gets another vision (and he might very well be right a vision is gonna be the reason if wilbur tries to escape again)

honestly it's better than not doing anything, being sitting ducks and waiting is the worst in their case, they don't have the space, especially mental space, to do it the right way, things need moving even if it's a bit pushy

if being a bit pushy and going against wilburs uncomfort is the way forward in this scenario, than it counts

for wilbur to accept he is his own person and all that means he first has to realize just how badly he was treated (he thinks he knows but oh boy does he have no idea) and there's not really a way to do this gently, it's going to have to go the hard and painful way, his coping will have to come crashing down for him to be able to build himself, his opinions, discover his personality etc

and it's going to be ugly, very ugly, its most likely going to hurt his relationships with others, whatever little trust or at least acceptance there might be, but it has to happen

also wil realizing he's an actual person doesn't erase his powers and connection as the pythia and even being treated nice and all this won't erase the fact that he's a prisoner and there isn't an easy reason for him to suddenly switch side and stuff like this, there's still the whole different religion stuff

(this makes me a bit scared, bc considering how most of the deathlings join, there might be a near death experience involved and yeah no one there needs more trauma, especially wilbur)

they're not perfect, they make mistakes, hurt each other, they don't know much better and it's messy and complicated and I think thats very crimeboys of them but also it's just very human and I love it so much

when they fuck up and are human and it's messy and they hurt, it makes any progress feel so much more deserved and fought out and good

i love this fic so much, they're so unapologetically human and messy

yuppp it's not the best option but it's what tommy can do. he has the best intentions and honestly, for something as complicated as this, maybe the messy brute force way is the best way to do it. even if it's not morally great.

the visions are definitely adding a bit of pressure. tommy wants to help wilbur and he wants to do it fast before he gets another vision telling him to escape. because he has no idea where wilbur's head is currently at regarding any future escape plans at the moment.

also: discomfort isn't automatically a bad thing. sometimes you have to be uncomfortable to grow. wilbur HAS to be made uncomfortable be pushed past some of his boundaries if he's going to heal.

you get it exactly. there's no way to do this gently. he has to realize how horribly he's been treated by the institution for the past 10 years for him to make any sort of progress, and that's going to be an ugly, painful process.

this is a messy thing! humans are messy, these relationships are messy, and this situation is messy. that's okay! people are going to get hurt and then heal, relationships will develop and they might not be the healthiest but they'll be built on love.

I'm so glad you're enjoying how complicated this all is because that's what makes it so fun for me to write :)

[troglobite]

re: abandoning idea that you're special

currently trying to deal w this bc it was all so mundane.

but the way i've been treated…like it hurts MORE if i accept that the reason ppl treated me that way is just bc they're boring and mean, and i was a convenient target.

it hurts MORE if there's nothing for me to change abt myself and try and learn that way. it hurts MORE if my pain therefore doesn't matter to anyone.

like my therapist keeps saying this shit is PROTECTIVE, it's not just punishing myself, it's protecting myself from a reality that hurts worse and makes me mean less.

it doesn't HAVE to, but it's not easy or simple and it doesn't make me feel better, and given everything else going on i'm sort of just too tired rn to fully come to grips w this.

i don't think i'm special in a positive or negative way, just unique in a stupid way.

it's also really hard to accept if i have never met a single person w the same experience as me that makes me feel the most pathetic.

like not identical but there are a few things where i'm like, okay even ppl who say they relate still had xyz and i didn't. not trying to nitpick or be special, but it makes me feel worse when someone in THEORY is like I Get It! and then they v much don't in a way that makes me look more pathetic

here i'll be specific:

d/von pr/ce also just posted abt this

there was a lesbian who msged them and said early 20s, haven't ever been kissed, on a date, no one has expressed interest, what should they do? what's going on? is it just bc they've missed the flirting bc they're autistic?

and the response was stop being self-obsessed and pay attn to other ppl then pursue ppl and ask for what you want, don't be passive in your own experience of attraction, etc.

and i can't speak for that person, but

why would i ever do that when i have spent my entire life being ridiculed for existing and other ppl have thought it was a JOKE when i found someone attractive

like

idk abt that person, but for me it is very much not me being a PASSIVE PERSON or NOT PAYING ATTENTION to what i like or find interesting abt others

i am not self-obsessed (in the Make People Like Me way) to the point that i don't pay attention at all

piloting in conversations AT ALL is VERY DIFFICULT, and that INCLUDES just trying to learn abt someone

i'm just tired and angry. nothing i do has a good outcome. with people.

and it's not--my passivity or obsession w Being Likable (which arguably i have deliberately failed at multiple times in my life) that made me lonely or confused.

it was the hatred and bigotry of other people

and these two forces are always at war in my head

"stop telling me everything wrong w me and my life is my fault. it's not. stop acting like me taking a ~simple~ action will fix it, it won't. i'm trying my best and right now i'm so tired i'm just conserving energy and trying to even mentally and emotionally think abt and process everything that i haven't bothered REALLY thinking abt before."

and then also

"there must be something fucking wrong w me for so many ppl to so casually and mundanely HATE me. i must be bad at conversations. at people. i must be annoying. i must be doing something wrong. if i could just figure out what."

and then the advice is always

unmask!

stop worrying abt that!

take an active interest in people!

as if being unmasked and trying to be interested in people hasn't been LITERALLY THE INCITING INCIDENT FOR SO MUCH OF MY, again, very boring and mundane abuse.

so no, reaching out and taking an interest in people and asking for what i want isn't going to go well. it's also a pandemic and I CANNOT LEAVE THE FUCKING HOUSE so my options are LIMITED.

and no, unmasking is incredibly painful with very limited benefits.

i am a very precarious point in my life, and i can't imagine being MORE VISIBLY DISABLED is going to help me AT ALL.

and no, abandoning this idea that i'm "special" is not helpful and not possible at this moment.

that lesbian that reached out to DP is younger than me, and that is still the closest i've ever come to someone ACTUALLY relating to me on that front.

i have never been on a date. i am almost 29 years old. people consider that a RED FLAG abt me.

everything i listen to has ppl expressing surprised or amusement if someone hasn't had sex by a certain age, or kissed by a certain age.

or ppl saying "it's fine if you're a late bloomer lesbian, in my experience most of us don't care if it's you're first time with a woman"

how about first time, PERIOD? how about first relationship, PERIOD?

it's just this whole part of life that i've never been a part of and i WANT.

i was interested in boys in school. i DID pursue them. in the classically awkward but not overly creepy (as far as i can remember) way of young preteens and teens.

and it was never received well. it never went well.

i'm just tired.

i don't want platitudes "oh life will be better if you do xyz" or "tons of ppl share that experience, it isn't unique"

i want an actual person w the same experience to look me in the eye and say "yeah that happened to me, too. it was awful."

i pay so much attention to other people that i have fun fancy little categories for them all in my head. not in a mean or limiting way, but where i get to see them grouped w other ppl and i can see Patterns in humanity--what i've seen of humanity.

i think abt my friends & other ppl & their lives and appearances and experiences and what i like abt them or just thinking abt them and taking them in.

yes i pay attn to making myself as inoffensive as possible--but based on what i know abt those ppl. i couldn't do what i do if i wasn't paying attention to other ppl in a very close and important way. all i do is think abt and anticipate how others might feel. i try to be considerate. i try to frame my language in a way that's helpful or clear to them. i don't want to hurt them or show that i misunderstood them if i did--i want to make sure i understand them as much as i can.

conflict is a part of life, and in theory it's fine--the problem is that even productive conflict rarely ever goes well for me. even if i want to address it. even if i try and handle it REALLY well.

i'm just tired of responses that flatten out the REASONS why things go poorly, the REASONS these are the protective strategies and masking i've had to learn.

my "problem" is that i don't care if it hurts me. and that no one cares abt my hurt.

but i've had to pay close attention to others my whole life. i've had to do things to make life survivable. and i don't even have it that bad.

i'm in this stupid grey area where it's not that bad so i should just get over it.

then i get yelled at for comparing myself to others, when it's all i've been taught to do.

everything i do is wrong and my fault and i'm tired.

[singsweetmelodies]

also i went through your profile just now, i know it is a lot to ask but if you find time, please write the Styrain GP fic!!? it's such a pivotal piarles moment ™ in their lore and THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH ANGSTY FICS ON IT like, HOW. I JUST. am so baffled.

that gp haunts the living daylights out of me. it could've been the end of them. had pierre not forgiven charles, everything would've been just gone or not the same anymore, at the very least. AND THIS IS PIERRE we are talking about. who's had a rough f1 journey to put it mildly, and charles KNOWS, and yes we can all say the demotion was in the past but I'm pretty sure half of the planet is still processing 2020, even i find it hard to believe that we're in 2023, in my brain 2019 was yesterday and the fact that all the drivers are constantly under scrutiny, "you're only as good as your last race" thinking and shenanigans and i just. pierre could've chosen his career over charles and i truly would've understood it, because like, at the end of the day, all these drivers what they really care about is results and winning and points and anything that comes in between is ruthlessly put aside AND DESPITE ALL THAT, DESPITE EVERYTHING, the fact that they made up and found their way back to each other, the fact that pierre would rather not worry about a botched race even though it came at the expense of charles, the fact that by next Wednesday he was making jokes about the incident in interviews, that he didn't carry any grudges and grievances forward and everything was okay, because it was Charles.

i have no trouble believing that had it been anyone else, it would've caused a fallout, i know if something on track goes wrong between Este and him next season, the old grievances would come back haunting them,, BUT that was never the case with charles, because it's charles and he's so much more important, he's so much more valued and cherished in Pierre's mind than the race itself, the fact that they moved on and they have talked about it in case it happens in the future, the fact that they're able to separate track life from their personal life, the fact that even though they have shitty races, if the other has a good one, they won't hesitate to celebrate each other. I AM JUST SO IN LOVE WITH THEIR BOND.

like if we think of it in terms of pierre's career, 2021 was a GOOD year for him, he was definitely turning heads and making people question whether his talents should be reduced to a rb b team, 2021 is such a crucial year in his career trajectory and this incident happened in that year. it would've been easy to let anger take over and let charles go, it would've been easy to let wounds fester and boil over, but he didn't, they didn't. because it's them and they're important to each other and i just want to cry now.

all this to say, i really would love if you wrote the Styrain GP fic, hehehe

🙏🙏🙏

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, anon, i have been coming back to my inbox to read through this again and again just to nod my way fervently through it, because, YES. yes yes yes yes yes!!! you get it, oh my god, you just get it. everything you said here is so "!!!" and so very true - pierre could easily have let charles go, as you said, and it would've been completely understandable considering where his career is at. (and also bcs pear is a bit of a petty bitch, lmao, just LOOK at those infamous film festival shenanigans with este, hehe 😏🤭) but the point is: charles is different. to pierre, charles is different, and special, and even though pierre was rightfully pissed off after the race, he still listened to charles and forgave him when he came to talk to him. and just. god. as piarles moments go, it is absolutely HUGE omg 🙏🙏🙏 you have said it all so absolutely perfectly that i don't think there's much more for me to say other than just, fuck yeah, styria 2021 is a massive one. omg.

now secondly: i am so 🥺🥺 and 🥰 that you took the time to go through my profile (and my freaking insane tags) like this!! that is SUCH a sweet thing to do, and ridiculously flattering, omg 🙈🙈😍 this one made me particularly happy bcs the styria fic is one i've been wanting to write since the moment i first learned what happened between them there. and that was, oh, freaking MAY 2022?? well before i'd even published my first f1 fic to AO3... yeah. the styria gp piarles fic is one that's been living in the back of my mind and heart for months now, so i am so touched that you are this excited about it too 🥺🥺 this ask has definitely inspired me to bump the styria fic up a good few places on my to-be-written list, so, ily always for that, anon ❤️

the last thing i wanted to say! omg, i completely agree that there aren't nearly enough angsty styria fics out there (but that's bcs i'm a bit of a whore for a good old angsty reconciliation fic and in my opinion there can NEVER be enough of them.) i've checked my AO3 bookmarks for you, though, anon, and i've actually found three which i've read and adored:

hand covers bruise by anonymous - i can't lie to you, i know exactly who the author of this one is 🙈 so i went to their AO3 profile to find it, and it had DISAPPEARED, and i nearly had a mini heart attack, ngl to you, because this is my favourite styria fic of all. i literally went "no no no! please no!" when i thought it had been deleted 💔 but thankfully it's still there, only on anon. so i will respect the author's privacy and not link it to them here, but omg, i will say that this fic is EVERYTHING one could ever want in a styria piarles fic. the hate-sex-that-isn't-really-hate-sex, 🐶 style (!!) but also a conversation about what happened between them, and the characterisation... it's PERFECT, truly it is. i cannot recommend this one enough 🙏

kiss it better by foxholecourts on AO3 - this is another "they fuck it out" post-styria, and it is as angsty as it is absolutely excellent and wildly hot. fun fact: this is on my very first page of AO3 bookmarks in this fandom! old but GOLD, as they say 🤭💙

the consequences of your actions by emotionalsupportfastcars on AO3 - this is a really beautiful (and heartbreaking) look at pierre and charles' emotional journey post-styria: particularly angsty bcs it portrays them already in a committed relationship here. there's no smut in this one, but there are SO many emotions, and i find it absolutely stunning in its simplicity. just such a good bit of angst writing, this!

so there you have it, anon! sorry for making you wait so long for this reply (🙈) but i am unfortunately distractible as alllll hell and very messy and chaotic when it comes to answering asks, i'm afraid. but i LOVED this ask so much, and i appreciate you so so much for sending it! ❤️❤️

[ru-star]

Okay, I read this and have never related to anything more in my life. I'm glad OP is living a more happy (While still depressed, I felt that sugar) Mature life, Id like to add my own opinion into this if I may.

While the original post was from 3 years ago over an Instagram Harry Potter influencer Starbucks drink, and some poor sap thinking that the drink was good but turns out the recipe was bad on itself, I’d like to add to this in my own opinion based on what I have read in this post.

If you, or anyone you know tries to make this sorta thing without the knowledge of how Starbucks or that specific Job/industry works, please don't try to post something you think is good for others to try, when in reality it’s just a waist of time or money.

$10 for a syrup-filled drink isn't something I'd be willing to pay for as a customer tbh. That alone is a hell no for me. I'd rather pay for 2 tall boba drinks with jelly boba that's $15 than a coffee-filled syrup mess.

This is like, if a person being depressed tried to talk to someone based on how their feeling depressed, and that person ends up saying “Than just don't be depressed” or “Just be happy” is like an ultimate slap to the face to the person who just tried to get comfort and or help before it got to the point of Self harm or Suicide.

Now, I worked in daycare as both a teacher's Aid, and as a Teacher, and I know that if someone, who has never worked with children, or even has children, let alone babysat kids, tries to tell me how to do something a certain way, even if I've already tried that or know it won't work, would ultimately piss me off to no end, especially if they kept pushing that thing onto me.

Ultimately what I'm saying is, if you know a drink that's simple to make that others would enjoy, post and share it! There's no harm in it, but if you're trying to make something like what OP had said in their post 3 years ago over an Influencers post on a cute Starbucks-themed drink who may or may not have zero knowledge of how the hell Starbucks even works, then please, save everybody some time and effort and don't post that shit for others to try. It's like tempting a toddler to eat a bag full of Typods by leaving it out and opened for them to reach.

If you wanted to make your own theme with a full ‘how-to-do’ step-by-step on the making and receiving process, you also gotta have if not at least different types of milk options as everything you use depends on a personal taste.

Say person A likes their drinks sweet, but person B doesn't. Say they both saw it and make it like the recipe says by said influencer. While Person A likes it and it fits their pallet, Peraon B might be lactose and ends up in a form of pain bc and or in the bathroom bc of how sweet it is along with the milk. And anyone who can't drink actual milk, myself included, knows that even just a glass of that shit can make you run for the hills very quickly if you don't use a different type of milk like Almond or 2% Milk.

Its better to have different options for different types of recipes, and yes I know that not a lotta people are willing to go the extra step and try this out with different things, and just wanna make it once and call it a day, yet honestly I find those influencers who do that to be amazing and who actually care about people who might have those issues and wants everybody to enjoy what they created and to have fun.

And yes I have made my own version of a Starbucks drink before and yes it was on the cheaper side and no I have never worked at a Starbucks before but here is something I used to drink before buying the stuff got a little expensive. You can find it at Walmart if you're in the U.S. but for other countries you can use whatever doesn't harm ya or make you bloated.

Get a glass or cup (I prefer my mason jar with a steal straw bc save the turtles).

Either get caramel syrup, chocolate, or whatever you use or none at all, and squirt it into the cup before spinning it around to create a fancy-looking pattern before maybe, if your like me and like the caramel ribbons in the straw, put some at the bottom of the cup to your liking.

You can fill it with crushed or solid ice, doesn't matter bc its gonna be cold anyhow.

Pour in whatever milk you wanna use, this can also be used for creamer and or a froth-like base that you can blend or use that spinny tool for that's overpriced but creates foam anyhow so who cares.

Next, your coffee, I usually use Delight Iced Coffee liquid coffee, but if you have more time than I do, use whatever normal coffee you use and pour that shit into whatever amount you wanna use as doing measurements variables on person to person. I personally just measure until it gets a little high before stopping.

Next, whipped cream. I usually use a lot but just enough to go over the rim of the cup but again, use as much or as little as you like.

Finally, add your syrup or nonsyrup to the whipped cream, and boom. Straw time.

ok enough is enough. whichever one of you virgins invented instagram starbucks recipes, die 1000 deaths. I had a customer come in today holding out their phone (full brightness) and looking all shy and Im immediately like 🙄 fine ok, what does the instagram user want me to make for them this time. well this time it's a cringe harry potter themed frappucino. excuse me??? "can you make this for me?" I said excuse me??? -- I mean *customer service voice* "yeah it looks like I have all the ingredients, haha sure!"

ok cringe instagram harry potter frappucino drinker. ok. die. "Ive never had this drink before" yeah I can tell due to the fact that it didnt exist until someone posted a #aesthetic photo of it to instagram 14 hours ago ok. ok,

but whatever, Im paid to put up with this shit. so I add the ingredients all up on my computer and congrats! ur harry potter cringe social media drink has $10 worth of syrup in it. are you happy??? is this what you wanted??? a $10 frappucino??? $10. for a drink. you doubled the price of this drink for ur off-brand "harry potter and the legend of the overpriced starbucks drink" drink. you doubled the price!!! is this how u imagined spending ur day? is this what u wanted to do when u woke up this morning? $10 for a 24oz drink?

and u know, you KNOW the influencer making this recipe doesn't even work at a starbucks cause when it was all said and done the drink looked like shit. my blender was straining against the weight of your sins (and syrups) and Im sweating, Im an animal, Im losing my mind and my blender is getting watered down frappucino syrups everywhere -- u put so much shit liquid in this blender it doesnt even fit in the cup btw. it's making a huge mess. but is it instagramable? no, its fucking ugly. #trending #foryoupage #cringe $10 harold potter drink for adult children,

so are you happy? is ur social media influencer bestie happy? I made ur stupid $10 drink for u. does it taste good? no? well I hope instagram shuts down tomorrow. I hope you read a different book. I hope I never get sober. there is no sign of land. I hope you die. I hope we both die.