#harlow speaks 🦒

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

Naked In New Orleans

Chapter 1 - The Introduction Part 1.

Word Count: 2066.

CW: Normal CM case details, Jemily mention (not confirmed, and not really a TW, but yk), Suggestive content in the last quarter, but not full smut!! Let me know if there's more.

Summary: Reader and Will meet JJ and the rest of the team; flirting and responsible intoxication ensues.

~~~

The team were looking over the details of the case on the jet; 3 bodies pre-Katrina in 18 months, a 4th being found a few days ago. The victimology was all over the place, "Besides from being male, and walking the French Quartet late at night" is what Morgan had said, while everyone was bouncing theories off each other.

After landing in New Orleans, and a brief car ride, JJ, Gideon and Morgan landed at the crime scene.

"You must be BAU. Detective William Lamontagne Junior." Will greeted, holding his hand out for Jennifer to shake.

"Jennifer Jareau, we spoke on the phone." The blonde responded, in her usual friendly tone, as he looked her over.

"Well, okay then. Pictured you different." He stated, unprompted.

"Will, don't go distracting the pretty agent from doing her job." A woman said, walking away from her conversation with a few cops from New Orleans PD, reaching her own hand out to JJ.

"Detective Y/N Lamontagne, you actually spoke to me." She, Y/N, added, wordlessly pulling her hand from the liaison's, before moving on to shake Gideon's and Morgan's.

"Don't worry, everyone gets that confused at one time or another, even though I'm probably the better looking one." The female detective smirked, her accent noticeably more watered down than Will's.

"Now, now, Phoenix, we both know that's not true." He teased, lightly kicking his shoe against the cane held in her left hand, throwing her off-balance for a moment.

JJ noticed a flash of anger and irritation on Y/N's face, before she swiftly composed herself, rolling her shoulders back and subtly adjusted her posture, deciding to change the subject. "Please ignore my idiot big brother, he never knows when to shut the hell up; been like that since we were kids. How can we help?"

"I understand you received a letter." Gideon interjected, deciding it was best to get started with the job at hand.

"Yeah. Before they were lost in Katrina, daddy received two others. This one came addressed to him yesterday, and they passed it on to me." Will started, handing the new letter that was in an evidence bag over to Gideon.

"Are you sure it's from the same killer?" Jennifer asked, looking between the pair, before Gideon answered. "It's a detailed account of what he did to the bodies."

Once they'd finished up at the crime scene, and gone to William Lamontagne Senior's house, to see the word 'Jones' carved into the wall, they headed back to PD headquarters, receiving a verbal autopsy report from Prentiss and Reid, along with their discovery of the UnSub potentially being a surgeon, or having gone to med-school, as well as and the pair's and Hotch's analysis on the letter; a modern day version of Jack the Ripper, loose in New Orleans.

---

The next day, Gideon, Morgan, Prentiss, Reid, and Will were called to another crime scene, to talk to two friends of the new victim; the UnSub had struck again. Meanwhile, back at the station, Hotch was combing through the evidence they had to double and triple check they hadn't missed anything, which gave a chance for JJ and Y/N to talk, in between making calls and giving orders.

"Hey-" Y/N started, coming up behind JJ, handing her a cup of coffee, before sitting down next to her.

"Hi- Thank you." The blonde responded, finishing up a few notes, and taking a sip.

"Forgive me for being self-conscious, but I want you to know that I was just messing around yesterday with the whole "pretty agent" comment. Thinking about it now, it probably sounded a little bit undermining, and that wasn't my intention, in case we got off on the wrong foot." She added, running her pointer finger around the rim of her mug, as an anxious tick.

"Oh, it's okay- Don't even worry about it; I've had worse." The liaison disclosed, brushing it off.

"That's.... sad, I guess- Not that you're sad, or anything. I mean, I don't even know you, so I can't accurately dictate that, but just that shit like that sucks." The detective rambled, barely making eye contact with her even once.

"It's okay, Y/N. I get what you mean, I promise." JJ reassured, placing her left hand over the woman opposite her's free hand.

"Okay, thank you. I just didn't want you to think I was a tool like a fair few of the guys in this department." Y/N disclosed, which was met with a smile, and a small chuckle, from the blonde, before their conversation was cut off by Hotch walking over to them. "They're back; we're ready to give the profile."

---

After they'd delivered the profile, and a brief phone call from the BAU team's technical analyst, Penelope Garcia, Prentiss and Morgan (and assumedly Reid) left for Texas to check out an unsolved case in Galveston (where a lot of refugees from Katrina relocated) from four months ago, of which was missing a kidney like one of Jack the Ripper's victims; leaving you, Will, and the rest of the BAU team to go over the details of the case, to try and come up with a list of suspects.

"Fancy a change of scenery, blondie? Apparently the rest of your team is as stubborn and kinda boring as they look; no offence." You offered, sitting against the edge of the desk in your office, that you insisted JJ use for her liaison duties, since it was quieter than trying to work smack-bang in the middle of New Orleans PD's bustling office.

"None taken?" Jennifer replied, her attention drawn toward you as you gazed down at her. "But sure, why not? It couldn't hurt, I guess. Where do you suggest that we go?"

"I have an idea."

A bar on the French Quarter was not what she had in mind.

"Neat whiskey, and whatever the lady wants, please Leon." Y/N said to the bartender, Leon, as the pair took a seat on a couple stools in front of the bar.

"Just a soda, thanks." JJ added, with a smile, as she looked over at the woman next to her. "You come here a lot?"

"Not really, no, but it was my dad's favourite; so outside of school, and sports, me and Will basically grew up here." She replied, resting her cane between her legs. "Hell, Leon here could probably tell you what my favourite animal was from I was a kid- Thank you." The detective added, accepting both drinks from the bartender, and handing the soda to the other girl.

"It's not right." Y/N started after finishing her second whiskey, while JJ was still nursing her soda. "The French Quarter is one of the only parts of the city that dodged Katrina, and now there's an assumed dead serial killer on the loose."

"It's a small area," The blonde reassured. "We're narrowing down the profile; we'll find him."

"I just hate that this guy has a leg up on us, you know?" She said, raking a hand through her hair, before dropping it on the bar.

"I promise, as soon as my team knows anything, we'll hear about it, okay?" The liaison replied, resting her hand over the other woman's.

"You're not married." Y/N stated after a little while, her eyes flicking from the blonde's hands, which were now occupied with a pad of paper and a pen, to her face; only now noticing how gorgeous the colour of her eyes were.

"I'm sorry?" Jennifer responded, her eyebrows knitting together slightly, as she looked up from her case notes.

"There's no tan-line on your ring finger. I know that DC typically rains a lot, so you might not have one if you were, but you seem like the kind of person who'd wear her wedding ring; if not on your hand, then you'd at least have it on a necklace, or something, but I see no chain under that sweater-shirt of yours." The detective explained, leaving the liaison speechless for a few moments.

"And what does my marital status have to do with this case how?" The other girl replied, subtly trying to keep the topic of conversation professional.

"Truthfully? Nothing, I'm just testing the waters; seeing if it's okay for me to flirt with you, or if I got the wrong impression, and you're actually with that pretty brunette lady." Y/N shrugged, turning fully to look at her.

"What, Emily? No, we're not together; I'm not with anyone, fyi." JJ disclosed, trying to ignore the former comment, looking back down at her notes.

"Excuse me, compliments from the woman in the blue top." One of the servers said, passing a glass over to the detective.

"Wow, that was bold." The blonde stated, exasperatedly, as the woman next to her pushed the glass away.

"She probably thought we were just working; you jealous?" Y/N teased, tucked a hand under her ear.

"No-! We are working. I'm just... surprised, that's all." The liaison stammered out, to back herself up.

"You're a lousy liar, as well, y'know that?" The other woman smirked, basking in the girl's brief bashfulness, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "You wanna get out of here?"

---

JJ doesn't know what made her agree, but shortly after raiding Y/N's liquor cabinet for a bottle of red, and drinking about half of it in her kitchen, the pair drunkenly stumbled into her bedroom, giggling as they both crashed onto her bed.

"You're so fuckin' pretty, Jen." Y/N muttered, lying on top of the other girl, and pressing kisses along her neck.

"Y/N...." JJ sighs out softly, letting her head fall back, as she tangled both her hands in the detectives hair.

"Do you, have, any, idea, how, insane, you, have driven me, the last, couple, of days?" The woman asked, punctuating her words with soft kisses to the blonde's plush, pink lips.

"Do you have any idea how unprofessional this is considered?" JJ retorted, lazily curling a strand of hair around her finger.

"Do you want to stop?" Y/N pondered, pulling back and straddling the blonde's lap.

"No- No. I'm just messing around." The liaison replied, trailing a hand over the other woman's white button-up.

"Okay." The detective stated, moving to kiss her again, over and over while snaking your hands under her shirt, pulling it up as JJ got to putting her fingers to work by unbuttoning your shirt.

Once you'd both sheded your shirts, and discarded them on the floor, both pairs of your hands moved to grasp any inch of flesh they could get to; hers on your hips, and yours on her bra-covered tits.

"You are literally an angel." You uttered, as JJ unclasped her bra a few moments later, letting her breasts spill out, before you looked her over fully.

"Oh, shut up-" She mumbled, her cheeks dusted a just-about noticeable shade of pink, as she buried her hands back in your hair, and initiated the kiss again.

Moaning softly against her lips, you both continued like this for a good 10 minutes (your hands occasionally venturing lower), even after JJ switching her position, to straddle your lap instead.

After a solid 5 minutes of her being on top of you, and almost getting to 3rd base, the liaison's phone rang from her jeans (which were now on the floor), causing you both to groan.

"Just ignore it-" You murmured, wanting this moment to last forever.

"Hang on-" The girl stated, pressing a final kiss to your lips, before rolling off your lap, and sitting up on her knees, bending over the edge of the bed slightly, as she grabbed her phone from her back pocket, and answered it.

"Jareau." JJ picked up the phone, holding it to her ear, listening intently to who was on the other end.

"Yeah, I'm at her apartment now. Okay, thanks, bye" The blonde spoke after a few minutes.

"What's going on?" Y/N questioned, picking JJ's bra and shirt up from the floor, and handing them to her, suspecting they may need to head back to the office.

"That was Morgan and Prentiss," JJ said, accepting her clothes from the women. "The UnSub we're looking for is a woman." Both of you suddenly became hyperaware of all of the women that were at the bar you went earlier; including the one who you got given a drink by.

~~~

Holy shit, I did it!! I am exhausted, and my mouth is really dry (I hunkered down to do the last 1k words in three hours, which is really good for me). Hope you guys like this, and see you in chapter 3.

-Harlow

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

Naked In New Orleans

Chapter 2 - The Introduction Part 2.

Word Count: 2977.

CW: Talks of r@pe and more CM case details.

Summary: The aftermath of what could've been, and the case gets closed; numbers are exchanged.

~~~

Neither JJ or Y/N slept for the rest of that night. After the phone call from Emily and Derek, the detective persuaded the liaison stay over (considering they'd both drunk a fair bit), opting to take the couch, since it would be less awkward than the possibility of having to talk about what almost was. Though, once getting calls from Hotch and Will individually to get in asap, the building tension was a little harder to ignore.

You were pulled from your thoughts on how to approach the conversation upon seeing Will and JJ enter the open area of the PD's office.

"We need to set up a press conference." The blonde stated, walking alongside your brother, as he finished up a conversation with one of the officers.

"I'm not making a media spectacle out of this." Will argued, trying to shut down the request.

"People need to know that this killer's a woman." The liaison fought back, as the detective turned to face her.

"Look, tourists are just starting to filter back here. I can't create mass hysteria in a city trying to rebuild." He reasoned, hoping to get the woman to see his side of things. "Besides, we'll be playing right into her hands."

"So be it." JJ shot back, starting to grow tired of having to persuade him to let her do her job, before recomposing herself, and lowering her voice slightly. "I'm trying not to go above your head here." She added.

"I got that." Will replied, before walking off.

"Then set up the press conference." The blonde said, silently hoping that he would listen to her.

"Hey, everything okay?" Y/N asked, walking over to where JJ was stood, handing her the cup of coffee you just got from the machine in your office, noting the mildly frustrated look on her face.

"Yeah, thanks. Just get tired of having to negotiate with all the nitty gritty stuff, sometimes." She responded, rubbing her hands over her eyes, and yawning softly, before taking the cup from you.

"You get any sleep at all last night?" The detective questioned, her worry for the liaison more than a little surprising.

"Like 3 hours, on and off, I think; I'll be fine." JJ waved off, taking a small sip of coffee.

"Well, make sure you look after yourself." She said, pausing for a moment, not entirely sure it was the right time. "Are we okay? I know that last night could've easily gone further, and I wanna make sure you're still comfortable with working with me."

"Mhmm- Yeah, we're fine; don't worry about it. I mean, I don't have any regrets if that's what you're getting at." The liaison replied.

"Oh okay, that's good. I just wanted to make sure." Y/N said, the reassurance and small smile on JJ's face making you wanna kiss her even more, as Emily walked over to the pair.

"Sorry to interrupt, but there's been another murder." The raven-haired girl stated.

Upon returning from the newest crime scene, the two of you and Hotch were updated on the latest details, as well as the game-plan for tonight; Reid, Morgan, Prentiss, Gideon, JJ, and Will were hitting the town, scouting potential suspects, while you and Hotch stayed behind to triple-check the evidence you already had.

---

The next morning, with yet another body turning up (assumedly dumped early that morning), tensions were running high and the want/need to solve this case was becoming irritatingly desperate.

"She's mocking us," Will stated, as Reid, JJ, Prentiss and Gideon joined the both detectives. "And she's true to her word."

"What is that?" JJ asked, as Reid crouched down to pull a folded up piece of paper from the victims mouth.

"It's a note from the UnSub for your father." Reid replied, looking between Y/N and Will, both of whom looked increasingly on edge, like if the wrong thing was said, once of them would explode.

"Dear Boss, he wanted it. With that sharp tongue and vulgar hand. Thought you'd like to know another will soon get what he deserves. Yours truly." Gideon read off, after Reid handed him the letter.

"Is it possible that she considers herself a vigilante?" Emily offers, reciting part of the letter. "Another will soon get what he deserves."

"Well, maybe she's contacting your father not because he was the lead detective on the case, but because she believes he'd understand." Gideon added, addressing the pair.

"Oh great, he can understand a serial-killer-to-be, but not his daughter when she's going through a load of shit; that's nice." Y/N muttered sarcastically, her mind clearly not thinking about the case right now.

"Phoenix, stop; this isn't the time-" Will started, subtly trying to keep a lid on things.

"Don't call me that! How many times have I told you to stop calling me that?!" The detective snapped, looking as if she were about to punch her brother, before taking a deep breath to compose herself, and pushing past the group. "I need a smoke."

JJ went to follow after her, before having her wrist grabbed by Will.

"Leave her for a minute; she gets like this sometimes." The other detective said, his words holding a hint of irritation and disgust in their tone.

"Can you think of a woman in your dad's life he helped through a tough time? Could be a police officer, or a prostitute he helped get off the streets." Emily asked, drawing their attention back to the case.

"No, he hasn't dealt with prostitutes since he worked in sex crimes." Will replied, unsure of their current thought process.

"The UnSub wrote 'He was asking to be ripped. I just couldn't help myself, he wanted it.' What if she's mirroring the man who raped her?" Reid suggested, his hypothesis making a great deal of sense.

"Our Sex Crimes files are stored in the same place as Homicide, most of it washed away." The detective stated, suspecting that was going to be the next question.

"Did your dad have a partner?" JJ asked, figuring it was worth a shot.

"Uh yeah, J.R. Smith; Smitty they call him." Will responded. "They had a falling-out, I don't know what about, but they stopped talking after my daddy left Sex Crimes."

"Would you have a problem contacting him?" Gideon questioned.

"Not if it means breaking this case." He replied, pulling his phone out of his back pocket.

"Hang on a second guys-" Reid pipped up, lifting the victim's left hand, a stamp on the back of it.

"I'll be damned." Will said exasperatedly. "The stamp is admittance to the 'Mon Cherie', it's a bar on the French Quarter; 9 years ago it was called 'Jones'."

---

After a brief phone call with Garcia, being re-joined by Y/N, and dropping Reid back off at the station, the rest of the group headed to what used to be 'Jones' bar, to meet Will Lamontagne Senior's old partner to discuss the details of a call from 9 years prior.

"Smitty, how are you? Been a long time." You greeted, holding a hand out to him, as the others were stood behind you.

"I hope you got a good reason to be dragging this crap up." He answered, staying firmly in his seat.

"We were hoping you might remember being called here with our daddy 'bout 9 years ago." Will jumped in.

"Is that a joke?" Smitty scoffed.

"My name's Jason Gideon, we're with the FBI." Gideon piped up, tilting his head slightly toward JJ and Prentiss, who were stood next to him. "As you can imagine we're stereotypically not in the business of joking around."

"They're here investigating a series of murders along the French Quarter." Y/N filled in, hoping to hurry this along.

"What's that got to do with me?" The man questioned, seeming to grow irritated by this conversation.

"We need you to tell us what happened the night you and Detective Lamontagne responded to a call from this bar." Emily answered.

"Are we missing something here?" You asked, noticing the dirty looks he was giving to you and Will.

"You two really don't know, do you?" Smitty asked. "After that night, your daddy tried to bring me up on sanctions. It was Mardi Gras, some girl claimed she was raped in this bar; I wasn't buying it."

"What did she say happened to her?" JJ asked, quietly assuming the same thing as you and Emily; this guy's a prick.

"Brass backed me up. They ended up transferring your daddy out to shut him up." He replied, trying to justify it.

"What happened here?" Gideon reiterated. Apparently you three weren't the only ones who thought her was a prick.

"My best recollection, she said she was sat up at the bar with two of her friends." Smitty started, getting up from his seat, and making his way over to the staircase next to the bar. "One of the boys asked if she wanted to play some pool; witnesses claimed she was up for anything."

"She followed him up there?" Emily assumed, nodding her head to the stairs he was stood by.

"His friend not far behind, she knew he was there." He added.

"Did she yell out for help?" Emily questioned him again.

"Claimed she did, but not a single person cooperated hearing her. She was a tease, practically begging for a good time." The man stated, trying to justify it, yet again.

"And what, you were there, were you? You know that for a fact?" Y/N prodded, leaning her weight to the right foot.

"You can't blame a couple guys for going along with that." Smitty replied, crossing his arms.

"I can actually. See what you've just recollected, and the way my mama raised me; I'd class that as rape, not a disturbance." The detective snarked, her previously neglected accent bleeding through slightly, clearly not the type of person to take shit from anybody; especially pig-headed men.

"It was Mardi Gras. Listen to me, that girl had enough beads hanging around her neck to jewel a small city. Anyone exposes themselves that much in one day isn't a reliable witness in my book." He addressed, sitting himself at the bar.

"But she wanted to press charges?" Will questioned; five for five, wow this asshole sucks.

"I told her it was a waste of time-" Smitty started, before being cut off.

"Oh wow, the only societally correct thing you've said today." Y/N interjected, rolling her eyes at his next comment.

"Besides, I knew one of the accused; he was a good kid. He didn't need the stink of that kind of accusation." He continued.

"So you protected a rapist?" Gideon confronted, sitting on the barstool next to him, which caused the other man to scoff.

"Well, that right there was a bone of contention between their daddy and I. As far as I was concerned, no rape ever took place." Smitty said. "Now, you wanna tell me why you went and dragged this dirt back through my life?"

"We have good reason to believe that the person who's been cutting men up along the French Quarter was the victim on the call you and our dad responded to." Y/N stated, a slight smug look crossing her face when she saw his face drop.

"We need her name." Gideon added a few moments later.

"You don't remember her name?" Emily questioned, with a slightly defeated look on her face; this son of a bitch.

"It was nine years ago." He argued.

"What about the name of the 'good kid' that raped her?" JJ quipped.

"You tell us right now, or I swear to whatever God's listening that I'll file another sanction against you, and I'll make it stick. Better yet, have you arrested by these guys for obstruction of justice, and withholding critical information from an ongoing federal investigation." The detective exclaimed, seeing him lower his head slightly.

---

Back at the station, after picking up the 'good kid' aka Mr Tibideaux, JJ and Emily were sat in the interrogation room with him, Y/N stood in the corner as a precaution and intimidation strategy Hotch suggested.

"Mr Tibideaux, we need you to answer a few questioned about a disturbance you were involved with in 1998." Prentiss started, folding her arms over her chest.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He answered; typical.

"At a bar called 'Jones'. It was Mardi Gras." JJ filled in, causing the suspect to chuckle.

"You know, then I must've been drinking or something, cause I don't remember a thing." The boy responded.

"We need the name of your accuser." Emily said, deciding to try a new angle, and just get straight to the point.

"The statue of limitations is up, we just need a name." JJ reiterated, not wanting to hear a 'I didn't do anything' speech.

"Someone accuses me of rape, I'm gonna remember their name." The raven-hair agent stated, moving to sit down.

"You know, I'm guessing if someone did do something to that girl that night, then she was probably asking for it. Maybe even liked it." Mr Tibideaux replied, trying to irritate the three of them.

"How'd you know it was a girl? Guy's get raped, too, y'know?" Y/N questioned, deciding to ignore her brother's instructions; don't get involved, just stand there. Only intervene if thing's start to get dicey.

The guy's face fell; they had him. One more blow, and they'd have the name, and hopefully catch her in time.

"She murdered these men," JJ explained, laying out the pictures of the bodies from the case file on the table in front of him. "And I'm guessing it's only a matter of time before she works her way back to the one she really wants to kill."

"You still think she liked it?" Emily asked, leaning back in her chair.

Sarah Danlin, 1141 Sherman Avenue. Dropped out of med-school at Tulane right after the rape occurred.

Emily, Gideon, Will, and Morgan headed to her address, while you, Hotch, JJ, and Reid went to a motel room she rented an hour prior, after Reid earlier pointed out that after the double murder, Jack the Ripper mutilated and dismembered Mary Kelly in her one room flat.

"FBI! Drop the knife!" Hotch shouted, bursting inside with Reid trailing behind him, you and JJ mirroring them, guns drawn and pointed at her.

"He wanted it." Sarah said, staying firmly in her place on the bed. "He wanted it, and he got it."

"What are you waiting for?" She asked, turning to face you.

"Sarah, I don't want to shoot you, trust me. Just put the knife." Y/N explained, inching slightly further toward her, and holstering your firearm.

"Be a shame to waste this." The woman stated, the weapon still in her hand.

"Hey, Sarah- Look at me, okay? My name's Y/N Lamontagne, you remember my dad, right? You trusted him, because he believed you; I believe you, too, so trust me." You negotiated, moving a little closer to her, noticing her expression soften.

"Where is he?" Sarah questioned, her voice wavering slightly.

"He's gone, the storm took him. We've been getting your letters, though; me and my brother, that is. We believe you. So put down the knife, and we can get you help, okay?" The detective explained.

"Come on, it's over." Y/N said, as a tear fell down the woman's face, and her grip on the knife loosened, before dropping it on the mattress.

"We need EMT techs, right now." Hotch said through comms, as Sarah got off the bed, and you cradled her close to your chest, your heart aching for her. "Sh, sh, sh- It's okay."

Once the paramedics loaded the would-be-victim into the ambulance, and Sarah was carted off in one of the New Orleans PD squad cars, JJ approached you as you were leant against another police car after she finished up talking to the press.

"Hey, you okay?" The liaison asked, tilting her head to the side. God, how does she look so pretty all the time?

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just gets a bit heavy, sometimes." Y/N responded, wiping the palm of her right hand over her face.

"What you did in there-" JJ started, looking slightly closer at the detective's face, her eyes glassing over a bit. "Your dad would be really proud of you." She spoke.

"Well, I did serve my country because of him, so I should think he would be." The woman brushed off, not letting her face show how much those words meant to her.

"You're a military brat?" The blonde questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Not exactly. Though, I apologise; I don't usually mention the whole army-get-up until the third date." Y/N stated, clicking her tongue and sighing softly. "And now you're leaving; how will I cope with a pretty girl like you being so far away?"

"Doesn't have to be that far." JJ shrugged, handing the other woman a piece of paper.

Unfolding it, the detective furrowed her eyebrows slightly. "I already have your work number."

"That's actually my personal cell; only like a handful of people have it." The liaison explained, bumping shoulders with her.

"Oh yeah? I'm that important to you, am I?" The other woman joked, pocketing the piece of paper.

"Up to you." JJ said, before standing up straight, kissing your cheek, and walking away. "See ya."

"Stop being a weirdo." Will spoke after a few moments, pulling you from your thoughts, as you watched JJ walk away. "Cmon, it's hometime."

"I'm gonna marry that girl one day." Y/N stated, turning to face her brother, which caused him to scoff.

"In your dreams." He said, getting into the driver's side of the cop car.

"Damn right, in my dreams." You muttered, before walking around the back of the car, and getting into the passenger seat.

~~~

Taglist: @chestnutninny

~~~

Another one done, and at least a whole day before I expected it to be released, wooo!!

Please let me know if anyone else would like to be added to the NINO taglist, and I'll be more than happy to do so. See you in the next one.

-Harlow

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

Naked In New Orleans

Jennifer Jareau x Lamontagne!Reader

---

TW's/Tropes for this series (chronologically-ish): Strangers/Co-Workers to Lovers, FWB-ish (Chap 1 to 4), smut/suggestive content, internalised homophobia, typical wlw angst, Willi@m Lam0ntagne, normal CM canon violence, a few case details in most chapters, Will lowkey being jealous/possessive af (OOC ig, but oh well), character death 🤫🤫🤫, pregnancy stuff that I've looked up, and childbirth.

I think that's it; lmk as and when, if there's anything else :)

---

Pre-Cursor Chapter (Y/N Lamontagne Backstory) Aesthetic Character/Relationship Boards Chapter 1 (2x18): The Introduction Part 1 Chapter 2 (2x18): The Introduction Part 2 Chapter 3 (2x20): Test Number One Chapter 4 (2x23 - 3x4): The Mistake(s) Chapter 5 (3x9): Redemption + Correction Chapter 6 (3x17): Test Number Two Chapter 7 (3x20/4x1): The End (Or Is It?) Chapter 8 (4x2): Confusion + Grievance Chapter 9 (4x5): Test Number Three Chapter 10 (4x7): The Finale

One Shots: Nothing yet

~~~

Also, the canon CM timeline in this fic is a bit off/smushed together, but that's only for the cases + stuff; so to break it up/make it make sense, the first 5 episodes are across 4 months + the last 5 are across 8, but fingers crossed it will make sense when all 10 chapters are out :)

-Harlow

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

Naked In New Orleans

Chapter 3 - Test Number One.

Word Count: 2458.

CW: Indications of internalised homophobia, a few CM case details, and Smut 18+ (which I can't write for shit).

Summary: Reader struggles with long distance, while JJ struggles with internalised homophobia.

A/N: I'm gonna be honest, I really wasn't sure how to write this, so this is probably gonna be the worst (ish) chapter out of the 10, just purely because I've got more ideas on how to write the others, so this is just kind of a like "stepping stone" chapter, if that makes any sense whatsoever.

~~~ Six Weeks Later

Y/N is convinced that heaven consists of running her hand through JJ's hair, the sunlight creeping through the curtains, making it shine gold, creating a small halo on the back of the the girl's head, and the pillow resting underneath it.

The last month and a half, the pair had stolen moments like this away from their normal lives; flying between New Orleans and DC, taking time out of usual, boring routines, to carve space for each other in a semi-regular new one.

And though they both had unvoiced doubts, and worries, lying here like this, watching the liaison lie there so peacefully, in a deep sleep, made all those negative thoughts, and nervous behaviour, disappear.

The detective was pulled from her thoughts, when JJ's phone rang from its place on her bedside table, giving her deja vu from the first time that they'd spent time like this. With a small groan, the blonde rolled over, Y/N's hand removing itself from her hair as she did so, and pressed the 'accept call' button.

"Jareau," She spoke groggily, rubbing sleep from her eyes with her free palm, and stretching her legs out underneath the covers, as she listened to who was on the other end of the line. "Yeah, okay, I'm on it; I'll be there in an hour."

After a few moments, JJ hung up the phone, burying her face into her pillow, and slamming it against the mattress with a slightly louder groan. "That Hotch?" Y/N asked, lightly scratching the hand she previously had threaded through the girl's hair, along her back, under her shirt.

"I hate Mondays." The liaison mumbled, kicking her feet a little, in a small child-like tantrum.

"But you do love helping people; that I do know." The detective replied, running soothing circles over the small of JJ's back, as she moved to sit up.

"And it was supposed to be my day off." The blonde whined, pouting slightly, and flopping back down onto the bed, hiding her face in the other woman's chest.

"I could always come with you; be like a 5th grader, getting a tour around an FBI headquarters as a school trip." Y/N suggested, only really being half serious, while made the girl's head perk up a little.

"Pretty sure we both stopped being able to get away with being 5th graders like 10 years ago." JJ quipped, making a face.

"Okay a) rude. B) I graduated high school 10 years ago, so that's also kind of true. And c) I actually wasn't joking for once; you want me to come with you, or not?" The detective questioned.

---

The answer to that question was simple to JJ; hell fucking yes. Work could get boring sometimes, and having you around could be fun, right? At least that's what JJ told herself. Having you around is fun, it makes her feel good; happy, even. Surely the small nagging feeling that she got in her stomach sometimes was probably just butterflies.

She never had much time to really think too much on that topic, especially not walking through halls of the FBI, with the girl who made her head so scrambled hot on her heels, while racing against the clock of a suspected abduction and threat of bodily harm.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Emily stated, pulling JJ from her thoughts, her question directed at the detective.

"Emily, hi; I was just, um-" Y/N stuttered out slightly, before getting cut off.

"She's with me; we can clear it up later. Aren't we running out of time?" The blonde interjected, trying to steer the conversation away from her social life.

"Right- The victim's brother-in-law worked for my mother at the Ukrainian embassy; his daughter saw his car outside, with the driver side door open and his briefcase on the ground, when she was taking the trash out last night. The kidnappers left a note instructing $100,000 be wired to a bank account in Moscow by noon." Emily filled in, as the three of them walked down to main hallway toward the bullpen.

"It's a little way past nine; we've got less than three hours." The liaison said, checking her watch.

"Wait, a hundred thousand dollars?!" Y/N exclaimed, her accent slipping through slightly. "Are they sure it's not some kind of scam, or prank, or somethin'?"

"They also said that if they don't, they'll send another piece then, and every six hours." The brunette added, leading you and JJ through to the briefing room.

"I'm sorry, another piece?!" The detective stated, stumbling up the stairs slightly, following the pair into the room where Mrs Chernus and Natalya were sat, along with the BAU team, and a cooler with a severed ring finger in it; sick.

"Detective Lamontagne, it's a pleasure to see you again." Hotch said, not having time to bother with the questions.

The detective's entrance drawing varied reactions from the rest of the team, quickly being shut down at Mrs Chernus' distress when the finger was bagged up for processing, Ambassador Prentiss rushing to comfort her.

"She wants his wedding ring." Y/N stated, listening to the two women conversing in Russian, and translating it back to English in her head, in lightning speed, shocking most of the other people in the room.

"Agent, it's fine here for now." Hotch filled in for the evidence collector who appeared a little bit overwhelmed with everything that was being said, who then closed the cooler up and handed in to Natalya.

"What's the plan?" The detective asked, earning varied looks from a few of the others. "Respectfully, I know I'm probably not supposed to be here, right now, but I'm not just a pretty face; I can help with this."

"Ambassador Prentiss is calling some of her contacts so we can figure out how to track and access the account number that the ransom note advised the money be deposited in." Hotch started, nodding to the woman stood in the doorway of the other entry to the briefing room, with her phone to her ear.

"Me, Morgan, and Gideon are going to the Chernus' house, in Baltimore, with Natalya, in case they're contacted again, and to meet with Agent Cramer; he might be able to help." Reid added, nodding to the other two agents.

"Are you fluent enough to act as a translator for Mrs Chernus, with Agent Prentiss?" Hotch asked, looking between both women.

"Yes, sir, I can help translate." Y/N responded, flashing JJ a small smile, as she went off to do her part.

---

"Jesus Christ-" You huffed out, slumping down into the chair on the opposite side of JJ's desk.

"You alright?" The blonde asked, briefly looking up from writing the case report for the now-solved abduction case.

"Yeah, it's just pretty crazy. I mean, I get struggling and everything, but come on; essentially selling out your own dad, as well as multiple other guys, and abducting them for money, just so you can have a better life is pretty insane." Y/N rambled off, sitting up, and fiddling around with the Newton's cradle sat on JJ's desktop.

"Desperate people do complicated things." The liaison replied, the subtle self-deprecation making her wince internally, before pushing the thought to the back of her mind, trying to re-focus on her work.

"I have no idea how you deal with shit like this basically every day; I genuinely feel like I would go insane." The detective surmised, as the room fell into a comfortable silence.

After a few minutes of observing the girl, just sitting there, looking pretty, while doing her work, Y/N smacked her lips and propped her chin up with her palm. "So... When do you think we'll get out of here?" She asked, pouting slightly.

"Uh, probably in about half hour; I just have to read through this, and give it to Hotch. Why?" The blonde answered, looking up from her stack of papers, and tilting her head to the side.

"No reason, just thinking about something." Y/N said with a shrug.

"Oh yeah, and what's that? Come on, out with it." JJ questioned, closing the case file, and sitting forward; giving the other woman her full attention.

"How would you feel about, lets say a reward, after you read through your report?" The detective offered, running her ring finger in circles over the back of the girl's hand.

"Oh? What kind of reward are we talking?" The liaison asked, her eyebrows knitting together in scepticism.

---

"Seriously?!" JJ exclaimed, watching the other woman (despite her dodgy knee) sink underneath her desk, and gaze up at her with a shit-eating grin.

"Hey, you said you were up for it. I mean, feel free to stop me at any point you feel uncomfortable, or just want to stop, and I will." Y/N stated, maintaining eye contact with the blonde, as she she unzipped and unbuttoned JJ's slacks, and started pulling them down.

"If I'm ever not in the mood for this, then either I'm tired, or there's something wrong with me." She replied, lifting her hips to help aid the detective's actions.

Y/N shuffled back further under JJ's desk, and hooked her thumbs around the liaison's panties, pulling them down to her ankles along with her trousers.

"Y'know, we really could of done this back at mine? It'd probably be a lot more comforta- Holy f-uck!" The blonde gasped out, as the detective ran her tongue through her folds.

"That good, baby?" Y/N teased, slipping a finger into her dripping hole, slowly moving it in and out of her wetness, while flicking her tongue over JJ's clit.

"So fucking good- Shit!" The liaison muttered, melting into her chair.

"Atta girl; I've got you." The detective assured, slowly making out with JJ's pussy, and increasing the speed of her fingers a little bit.

Y/N's movements made JJ wetter by the second, curling her fingers tightly in the other girl's hair, keeping her mouth pressed up against the blonde's soaked labia, sloppily eating her out like she's been starving for weeks, low moans and groans falling from JJ's lips.

"Please-" JJ whimpered, tugging the detective's hair into a makeshift ponytail, and pulling it back slightly.

"'Please', what, Jay?" Y/N questioned, gently slipping another finger inside of her, drawing a louder moan from her.

"God-! Please, Y/N, I need it- Need more- Please, feels s'good" The blonde stuttered her head tipping back against her chair, as she rocked her hips upward.

"Sh, sh, sh- I've got you." The other woman assured, using JJ's rolling hips to her advantage, curling her fingers deeper, brushing against the spongey spot inside of her.

"Please, please, please, please, please-" JJ repeatedly muttered, her stomach caving slightly.

Y/N kept working her fingers inside the liaison, a few tears dripping down the girl's cheek, as the detective moved to suckle on her clit again, trying to heighten her pleasure as much as possible.

"Suckin' my fingers in so good, darlin'." She muttered, curling her fingers upward into JJ's spongey spot.

"Oh God-!" The blonde cursed at a particularly hard thrust, removing one of her hands from the other woman's hair, using it to grip the headrest of her chair.

"Jen..." Y/N cooed softly, pressing a kiss to JJ's clit, before pulling back to look up at the girl, like a lion ready to pounce on its prey, a string of saliva on her chin connected the two.

"Please, don't stop- Please, I need it!" JJ whined, trying to push her hips closer to the detective's mouth.

"Ah, ah, ah-" The other woman taunted, lifting her face further from the blonde's pelvis, before dropping it again. "Just a little bit longer; a few minutes max, I promise."

"Just a little bit more, please-" The liaison cried, threading both her hands back through the detective's hair.

"Okay." She responded, going back to sucking on JJ's clit, and pumping her fingers in and out of her exhausted and dripping pussy at increased speed.

"Oh fuck- Baby, please, I'm gonna cum. Keep going, I need it, please- I'm so so close." JJ moaned, trying to find at least one fibre of restraint in her body, but failing.

Both girl's gazes met, Y/N's eyes softening slightly at the sight of JJ's tear-stained cheeks, giving her a wordless look of permission and a small nod, as she curled her fingers slightly harder inside the blonde, the tendons in her forearm working overtime.

"Holy shit-! Oh God, right there- Please, please, please, keep going!" The agent pleaded, her breathing growing increasingly uneven.

"FUCK! Oh shit-" JJ suddenly shouted, her jaw hanging open as an orgasm washed over her, her hips stuttering slightly as you carried on your movements, drinking up her release like it's human ambrosia.

After a few more moments, Y/N's movements slowed down, before stilling completely, and removed her mouth from the blonde's pussy, panting softly as she rested her forehead against her inner thigh, cum dripping from her lips and down her chin.

"Jesus Christ-" The liaison huffed out, loosening her grip in the detective's hair almost entirely. "That was incredible; I feel high."

"As long as you're not actually high, otherwise you could get fired for that as well as 'disturbing the peace', or something." Y/N quipped, pressing a soft kiss to the girl's thigh, and slowly pulled her ruined panties, and slacks, back up.

"Oh God-" She whined, throwing her head back against her chair. "I really just did this in a government building, didn't I?"

"Yeah, a little bit." The other woman replied, slowly getting back up, putting her weight on her good leg, before leaning her butt against JJ's desk, and pulled her chair forward, so she's caged between both of the blonde's legs, scratching the back of her neck slightly.

"You're evil, y'know that?" JJ muttered, looking fully up at the detective, lazily lifting her hand to brush over her outer thigh.

"Maybe just a little bit. I'll let you get your bearings for a couple minutes, then you can go leave that in Hotch's office, and I'll take you home and finish you off properly." Y/N started, which caused JJ's eyes to widen.

"There's more??!" The blonde exclaimed, her body feeling increasingly more sensitive at the thought of that only being start.

"Relax, I meant wine and dine you properly; I'll keep the desert stuff to PG-13 only." The other woman explained, running her thumb over the back of the girl's hand.

"Oh, okay-" The agent responded, blowing out a small breath and relaxing back into her chair. "Pasta?" JJ perked up a few moments later, a small questioning look on her face.

"Whatever you want." Y/N replied, leaning forward and pressing another kiss to the blonde's forehead.

~~~

Taglist: @chestnutninny @severepeanutartisanhands

~~~

Number 3 done 😁😁😁 Sorry it's taken so fucking long, but (hopefully) the next two will be out quicker 💜

See you in the next one.

-Harlow

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

Request: Hey, just wanted to let you know that I loved this fic! I would love read more Sam x Reader written by you, specially one where we could see a more vulnerable side of Sam and her being taking care of! Thank you for all the content you give us 😊

Of course I can do that, I too love the vulnerable side of Sam that I picture in my head. She's so cute and loveable and just adorable in general. She's definitely protective af as per usual like "Touch her and your dead", but at the same time is like begging you to hold her hand, kiss her, hug her etc basically all of the time.

@carolcunha7 This one is for you.

This is smuttier then I intended it to be, but let me know if you'd prefer a less smuttier version and I'll see what I can do :)

*****

Make You Feel Better

Sam Carpenter x Female Reader

Word Count: 1524.

*****

You had been on the floor of yours and Sam's bedroom, in the apartment the two of you shared with Sam's little sister, Tara, and their roommate, Quinn, painting for the past hour and a half, waiting for Sam to come back from her appointment with her counsellor.

You had nearly finished painting you were making for Sam, almost ready for it to be signed, when you heard the front door open, and then close again.

"Sam! Is that you baby?" You shouted, slightly on edge in case you had to get up from the crossed leg position you were in on the hardwood floor of the room, and hide the painting from her and not smudge the wet paint.

You heard somebody grunting and mumbling, along with things being thrown around. Assuming it was Quinn and one of her 'gentlemen friends'; as you and Tara had so graciously named them, you decided to grab your earplugs from your bedside table, hoping it would drown out the gross sounds they would most likely be making.

Just as you were about to put them on, somebody burst into the room. Quickly turning around, you saw Sam wearing her headphones, pacing up and down the floor at the end of your double bed, not noticing you were on the floor yet. You took this opportunity to slid the painting under the bed, luckily there wasn't anything under there yet.

"You're gonna wear the wood out if you keep doing that." You said, making her break the pattern of pacing and almost jump out of her skin.

"Fucking hell," Sam stated, pulling the headphone off her ears and letting them rest on her shoulders, "You can't scare people like that, Jesus. I thought you were still at Econ with Tara and Ethan" She added, wiping her face.

"Sorry, decided to come home early." You said, laughing it off, before getting up and walking over to and standing in front of her, "Wait, Sam have you been crying?" You questioned, seriously, placing a hand on her cheek and tilting your head to get a better angle at looking at her bloodshot eyes.

"It's nothing." She replied, avoiding making eye contact with you, fiddling with the seam of her jumper.

"Sam, don't lie to me baby." You mused, grasping her face gently with both of your hands making her look at you. "What happened?" You asked her, looking into her glossy, brown eyes, searching for any trace of doubt or hurt.

"I just- I," She stuttered, trying to think of an excuse, but seeing the sincere look on your face, made her realise she couldn't lie to you, "I was with the counsellor and we were talking about Woodsboro and about everything that happened in the house and about Richie, and I told him what happened, how I- how I killed him, how if I didn't I would've died, you would've died, how we all would've. And he got all bitchy about me being just like my dad and how I'm a sorry excuse for a human, just being a massive asshole. So I cursed him out, shouted at him, called him every name under the sun, and left." She explained.

You didn't know what to say, there's no way somebody could professionally talk to someone like that.

"I mean he's right though," Sam stated, breaking away from the soft hold you had on her, taking off her jumper and discarding it on the floor before turning back to you, catching a glimpse of her chest were her top had ridden up, in the mirror in your room walking over to it, "I mean look, I'm a monster." She added, keeping her t shirt held up half way, tracing over the scars where she had been stabbed just over a year ago, tearing up at the sight of how horrific she looked.

Picturing her blood dripping down her stomach and hands, with her dark grey tank top stained with Richie's blood, looking as fresh as it did the day she saw it in an evidence bag when she climbed into the ambulance with you and Tara.

"No, no Sam," You started, walking up behind her and resting your head on her shoulder, wrapping your hands around her waist, rubbing light circles into her hips. "You are many things, but you are not a monster. The scars you have, they aren't meant to be hidden, they're meant to be shown, shown to all the fuckers out there that think horrible things about you, not knowing a single thing you've been through, that you're a fighter, that you survived. Not many people can do that, not many people can say they went through all of that shit and came out the other side." You added, kissing the crook of her neck.

Noticing her gaze was still focused on the scar peaking out of the bottom of her shirt, and tears starting to pour down her cheeks, you moved around to stand in front of her.

"Hey, look at me baby," You stated, grasping the hand she had holding up her shirt in your right hand gently, and wiping the tears away with your left. "What can I do?" You asked, making sure she's looking at you.

"I want them to go away." Sam choked, indicating to her scars.

"I know you do, I know you do." You repeated, hugging her tightly, before sitting her down on the end of your bed "Can you take some deep breaths for me, darling?"

"Yeah, I can try." Sam replied, breathing in and out slowly, trying to calm herself down to stop herself from crying more.

"I can't make them go away, but I can make you feel better about them." You said, as Sam gave you a questioning look, before she could get any words out to ask you what you meant, you kissed her deeply.

"Do you trust me?" You asked as she broke from the kiss. She nodded.

"Then trust me and relax." You stated, pushing her back gently.

As Sam felt her back hit the mattress, causing her to yelp slightly.

"You okay?" You asked, towering over her stomach.

"Yeah just caught me by surprise, that's all." She replied.

"Okay, am I good to keep going?" You questioned.

"Yeah, it's fine. Do what you were doing, I don't mind." Sam spoke.

You nodded in acknowledgement, before moving up to her face and beginning to plant kisses on it, on her jaw and down to her neck, sucking light hickeys on it, before your mouth travelled down to the strap of her tank top, moving it to the side, starting to kiss along her shoulders, left to right, right to left, and back again.

After repeating this several times, your hand moved to lift her tank top up to where her bra ended, before your mouth moved to her sternum, kissing up and down it, causing her to moan your name softly and shiver slightly.

Moving yourself down to the end of the bed, kneeling in front of Sam's legs and resting your hands on her hips, made her tense up, suddenly getting insecure again unsure of what to do.

Sensing this, you moved your hands to her stomach, starting to gently trace your hands over it, to somehow communicate with her and reassure her that it was okay. You continued this for a little, until she relaxed a lot more.

This was when you continued the kissing trail down her body, and started kissing over her stomach, taking extra care and kissing them longer when your lips lingered over her scar.

This made both her hands go to the back of your head, entangling her fingers in your hair, tugging on it firmly when she felt good, whimpering occasionally, in between moaning your name softly.

"That's all you needed baby? Just needed me to make you feel better?" You asked, suggestively.

"That's all I needed- all I needed- to feel better." Sam replied, panting lightly, while scratching the top of your back lightly.

"You're so fucking perfect, Sammy." You stated, teasingly tracing your hands over her thighs, causing her to buck her hips up and moan loudly.

"Not now baby," You said, resting your hands firmly on her thighs, "Maybe later, but for now we are watching movies and cuddling." You said, standing up and planting a kiss on her forehead.

"Okay," Sam sighed, grumbling a little, "As long as we've got popcorn, cause if we don't I'm not watching." She added.

"Who do you think I am? What psycho doesn't eat popcorn when they watch movies?" You questioned, walking toward the kitchen to get snacks before turning around when you heard Sam giggling, to see her with her hands covering her face.

"I'm glad you're my happy girl again Sam." You stated, looking at her with heart eyes.

"Me too," Sam replied, "But that doesn't mean I don't still need to be made to feel better late." The brunette added, seriously, sitting up and pointing at you.

"I'm counting on it." You answered, walking out the room to get snacks.

*****

Wow okay, disclaimer my first time writing anything remotely smutty so don't judge me if it's absolutely shit, but yeah I'm gonna go bleach my eyes (for legal reasons, that's a joke).

Hope you enjoyed reading, I guess, and yeah see you in the next one.

-Harlow

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

One of my favourite things about Criminal Minds is the fact that home-girl Emily Prentiss went from 'Yes sir, thank you sir' to 'I'm giving him what he wants; mommy'

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

Stoic, brunette guys, who're protective of the people they care about, have veiny hands, and (preferably) are muscly >>>>>

Femme, brunette women, who're badass, like literature/books, and (preferably) can speak more than one language >>>>>

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

The Coven + Thalia's Relationship w/ Them

Not really sure how I was supposed to set this out either, but I like it.

Also, Rio's low-key made me cry, so I might not touch on this AU for a little while (I definitely will, but in case I don't, you have been warned).

~~~

Agatha Harkness:

When they were younger, Thalia drifted more toward Rio, and Nicholas to Agatha, but once he died, and Rio had to take him to the afterlife, they immediately kind of latched onto the other, to like keep each other afloat/keep both Rio's and Nicky's memory alive (no matter how much it hurts), and grieve together.

In a way, once Agatha and Thalia like 'lost their person', they became a lot more understanding of each other, in a way (I can't really think of a way to explain this properly).

Thalia definitely had nightmares about that day, for a long time, and after a good couple weeks of Agatha going back and forth between both their rooms, she let Thalia sleep in her bed (which was also probably a comfort for her, too).

---

Pretty typical mother-daughter relationship, honestly, up until Agatha finds out about the Darkhold, and essentially becomes a loyal sidekick, on her quest to power/a way to get their old life back, instead of the little girl, whoever secretly looked up to Agatha, her entire life.

Which brings us to the WandaVision and Agatha All Along chapter(s), which will be linked on the navigation page (here) when they're done, sooo :)

~~~

Rio Vidal/Death:

Thalia is 100% a mamí's girl, and I will die on this hill.

Literally, Thalia's been waving the "Team Rio" flag, since the day she was born; sporting the same doe-eyes her mother fell in love with, back in Salem.

When she was younger, 9 times out of 10, she would only ever settle for Rio, which confused both mother's for a long time; because how could anyone, especially something as innocent as a baby, find comfort in Death?

---

This pretty much carried on through the first like half of her childhood.

i.e. Thalia's first word being 'mamí', instead of 'mama' like most other babies (including Nicholas).

Thalia giggling at the voices Rio does, while reading bedtime stories to her and Nicky (and low-key Agatha, as well).

Rio teaching/coaching Thalia (and Nicky) on how to use her/their powers (since Agatha would end up accidently absorbing them, and cause Rio physically cannot be that badly injured) etc.

---

Then Nicky dies, and it's very much an incredibly emotional and traumatic time for all of them.

Thalia instinctually goes to Rio, and because she's still young, doesn't understand why "He won't wake up", which completely tore her heart in two (no matter how black it is).

Rio then takes Thalia up to her room, to try and calm her down, while Agatha has time with Nicky, before they have to go.

She reads Thalia her favourite story 3 times over, because Thalia's cannot get enough (and also cause she has a sinking feeling she should make the most of it/I'm just making shit up about clairvoyance at this point).

---

In the end, they settle on snuggling in Thalia's kid-bed, while Rio sings the lullaby version of "The Ballad of the Witches' Road" (which is a memory they both deeply treasure), over and over, until Thalia falls asleep, and Rio very hesitantly has to pull herself away from the girl, with one final kiss to Thalia's temple (just to the left of the scar over the crook of her eyebrow, from one of their many training sessions, when Thalia wacked herself with a tree-branch).

Which again, brings up to the Agatha All Along chapters, that are linked in the bit above :)

~~~

Lilia Calderu:

Lilia's relationship with Thalia would very much be like "the grandmother she (Thalia) never had" (we hate Evanora Harkness, with burning passion, in this house).

When they first meet (in episode 2), Lilia can instantly sense the doubt (of if walking the Witches' Road will actually work), and guilt (that she's been carrying all these years, about not being able to bring back Nicky), radiating off the girl's body.

Very soon after she clocks it, is like- "Alright, that lonely little queer girl is mine; yes, she has two moms already, but I'm willing to back her up if she needs it" (she doesn't, but it's very much appreciated), you know what I mean?

But yeah, that very much radiates throughout the entire show (maybe aside from episode 5, cause there were definitely sides picked during that episode), until episode 7; RIP Queen.

~~~

Jennifer Kale:

Thalia's relationship with Jen is very much the same as Jen's and Agatha's, like they're not really sure if they can trust each other, but it's like an amicable, back-and-forth teasing, type of relationship.

Up until episode 6 (the version of it I'm writing/Thalia's trial), where the remaining members if the cover (lowkey including Agatha + Rio), see a more vulnerable, and kind of broken, side to Thalia (more on that to come).

Then after that, it's very much like "We both lowkey hate each other, but she (works both ways) is actually pretty cool, so we're gonna keep it mellow."

~~~

Alice Wu Gulliver (my girl <3):

Love of my life, Alice Wu Gulliver, was honestly such a breath of fresh-air for Thalia; like the older sister she never had.

'Protection witch' is the name, and protecting Thalia (and lowkey Agatha as well/RIP angel girl) is the game.

Thalia helped her (and Teen, but mostly Alice) pull Mrs Hart out of the mud at the beginning of episode 3, and basically from that point onwards, became best friends.

And then from that point on, Thalia's basically just jumping to Alice's defence a lot, after every little comment.

Especially the "Everything I touch turns to shit" (that part of the episode definitely didn't make me cry), and Thalia goes over to hug her, cause she knows what it's like to feel that way.

Almost always near each other, while walking the road + during trials, as like a "If anything happens to her (works both ways), I'll be the first one there, cause even though we've only known each other for a couple hours/days, she's still my bestie".

Bonus; Kojo is definitely Alice's best bud (it's literally fact that he's prone to face licking, when he can sense that people are upset or anxious), and was sat between her, and Thalia, during the last 10/15 minutes of episode 4, as well.

~~~

Teen/Billy Maximoff:

Eps 1-5 their relationship is very much a brother/sisterly bond.

Like yeah, they'll take the piss out of each other a little bit, but will still kill for each other, if someone even looks at the other (Billy or Thalia) the wrong way.

Then his true identity gets revealed (at the end of Agatha's trial/just before Thalia's trial), and gets a little rocky, but ultimately they still look out for each other (I'm just guessing, as the show's not 100% out yet, iykwim).

Like it's still very much a "I knew you/a version of you, a few years ago, and you reminded me of my brother, so we're chill, just as long as you don't try to (kind of) kill my mom again, otherwise I'll slit your throat, and you best believe I'm telling the truth, cause you know who my other mom is."

~~~

Mrs Hart/Sharon Davis:

~~~

Last, but not least; this legend.

Near enough the same thing as Thalia and Lilia's relationship, but more like soft; like instead of witchy banter (calling Lilia kooky, and shit), it's very much like typical grandmother/granddaughter bonding.

i.e. Thalia helping Alice and Teen pull her out of the mud at the beginning of episode 3, as previously mentioned.

Explaining what being a witch is (along with the rest of the group) in episode 3, and shit like that.

She didn't really have much screen-time for me to come up with much else, so RIP Mrs Hart :(

~~~

I'm actually obsessed right now. I haven't slept in the last 24(+1) hours, so if I'm still up, I might start planning out Thalia's trial + Backstory, since I've got some idea as to what it'll be, but it needs some tweaking.

-Harlow

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

my overwhelmed and overstimulated ass is definitely not like 2 seconds away from writing self-indulgent head-cannons on what the BAU team would be like with an autistic kid, mmhmmmm, no way.

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

something about being called 'darling girl' by Alex Blake...

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

The Day Nicky Dies (in this AU)

Basically, up until that day, neither Thalia or her moms knew that she'd inherited Agatha's power to absorb others.

And because of that, Rio was the one to teach Nicky and Thalia how to control/use their powers, otherwise Agatha would've ended up absorbing theirs, and that obviously wouldn't of been good (but yeah, you get the jist).

All Nicky wanted to do was show his sister the cool rebound trick mamí taught him, and oh boy, does that backfire horribly.

Poor baby-girl is hysterical when it happens; like she can't stop it, but she can feel her little brother (the person that's always supposed to be there, and who is essentially her other half) slipping away.

Like they're both crying, and screaming, and shouting, for their moms, but even if they'd of gotten there earlier, there's nothing that could've been done to stop it.

Once it's over, both kids essentially collapse (Thalia out of exhaustion, and Nicky cause he's gone), quickly being caught and propped up by their counterparts (Rio for Thalia + Agatha for Nicky).

Then Rio takes Thalia upstairs, so Agatha can like grieve/say goodbye properly (before Rio has to take Nicky away), and neither Agatha or Thalia (supposedly) ever see her again, to comfort the girl.

Which then brings us to Rio's part of this post, and yeah, that's it.

---

Yay, tidbit 1 of 3 done :) Also, the next chapter of NINO will be out really really soon, I promise, it's just taken me longer than the last two, because I've had to like make some of it up, rather than follow what happens in the episode and just add some dialogue for Reader 😁.

Also hello ^ So so grateful to all of you, this really means a lot.

-Harlow

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

in the words of that one T Swift audio;

screaming, crying, throwing up, pUnCh Me In ThE fAcE

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

Darkest Hour/Wake Thy Power ~ Ep 5

(Part of this AU)

~~~

Right, so back at it; chapter/episode 5.

The episode obviously opens on the coven asleep in the same place they were at the end of episode 4 (Thalia asleep between Jen and Lilia, with her head in Rio's lap).

And when Lilia's blabbing about the Salem Seven (obviously including throwing Agatha under the bus), which Rio jumps in during (to defend her wife), we see Thalia stood next to the green witch, as like her shadow, in a kind of 'scared little girl' mixed with 'moody teenager' way, if that makes sense.

She's then seen picking Kojo's leash up when Agatha comes running back in, with her swoopy-coat motions again.

When they're doing the broom spell thing, she does the ritual with Rio (after Alice hits the Salem Seven member attacking Teen), and hers has a side-car for Kojo (cause yk, it's magic, it doesn't need to make sense).

Then once they're all in the sky, Thalia's flying a little ways back from the front, between her moms, and (like everyone else) screams when they're forced back down (as well as when they kind of crash into a wall of bees, but because she's allergic to them, not cause she's scared).

While everyone's looking over their costumes/outfits for Agatha's trial and looking around the room, she's sat on the couch (between Rio and Lilia), trying to catch her breath, while calmly-ish searching through her bag (because yes, she still has it; again, magic) in case she needs her epi-pen.

She's honestly kind of fed-up with everyone at this point (overstimulation and crappy anxiety doing what they do best, icl).

So when Rio like quips at Agatha with "And who better to commune with the dead, than someone who's put so many in the grave?" Thalia kind of snaps back at her, looking between the two of them, with like a half-firm half-warning "Mamí."

As like a "Please don't play around right now, otherwise I will actually rip somebody's head off, including (potentially) my own", yk what I mean?? (I'm hoping ND people do).

Then while Teen's listing off the rules of using the Ouija board she's seen stood between Agatha and Rio, with Kojo sat at her feet.

She's then sat between Rio and Teen during the entirety of using the board, while Kojo's resting in Rio's lap, completely unbothered by everything that's going on.

Curses under her breath in Spanish, just before Rio says "She's just scared", cause she's actually at the end of her tether with all of this bullshit (especially coming from her mom).

When the board spells out 'Death', Thalia gets visibly like disheartened, yet again, because why the fuck can't she just get to be a normal kid/teenager for once, with a normal family??!

She's pretty much on the verge of tears at this point, then when all hell breaks loose, and most of the coven start ganging up on Agatha, her and Kojo just sit by the table they were previously using, essentially hiding behind/under it, silently willing the Road (and everything in general) to just stop.

Then when Agatha gets possessed by her mom, and everyone's screaming, she's just firmly sat there, with her hands clasped over her ears, and eyes squeezed shut, because why does all of this fucking shit keep happening?!!

Once everything kind of cools down, and Ev@n0ra makes herself known, she moves out from behind the table, eyes still glassy, and stands next to Rio, her hand flexing against Kojo's leash.

And regardless of how Thalia herself is feeling, she'll always push those feelings down to look out for her mom, cause that's what she's always done, and is firmly with Rio when it's suggested they leave Agatha with her mom.

AND THEN THIS BITCH GROWLS??!!!! So Thalia like half-steps-in-front of Rio, essentially daring her grandmother (despite being a ghost) to do her worst, which reminds her of Agatha.

Then right on cue, Agatha comes down the stairs to confront her.

And while that witch is ripping into Agatha, Thalia is seen looking down at the floor, trying to keep her emotions firmly stuffed down, because that's what Harkness's do.

When Jen (and some of the others??) tries to leave, and Agatha reaches out for them to take her with them, she goes to step forward, and grab it, before being pulled back by Rio.

Which is then when Alice blasts Agatha with her powers (to stop Ev@n0ra from inhabiting her body, yet again), and Thalia can't do anything except watch, as someone who she'd class as one of her best friends, just slips away, and Agatha starts being seen as a monster again.

During this commotion, the floodgates literally like burst open, and she's hysterical, trying to breakthrough to her mom by yelling at her to stop, but being held back by Rio, who's trying to like silently console her, while still trying to keep things under wraps.

Then once the trial ends, and all their watches beep, she has her face buried in Rio's neck, because everything's just piling itself on top of her, and it won't let up.

And they both watch as Agatha leaves the trial, which as much as all three of them secretly want this to be over, so they can be a family for real, there's nothing any of them can do about it.

Witch (funny pun, come on) brings us to the end of Thalia's appearance in this episode, yay :) :(

~~~

Hey, so the re-write of Teen's reveal will be linked here, as well as alternate episode 5 ending (ep ending for this AU/here), both of which might take a while, so please be patient with me.

And chapter/episode 6 is gonna give you guys more information about Thalia (and yes, it definitely gets worse from here), so yeah.

I hope you enjoyed reading :)

Also happy birthday to me 😁😁😁 (the 14th).

-Harlow

Bonus: Thalia's outfit for this episode.

^ Grinch T-shit :) ^

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

Yo, so this is what I was yapping about in this post here; enjoy reading, I guess (not really sure how I was supposed to plot it out, ykwim??).

~~~

Basic Stuff;

Name: Thalia Leola Vidal. 'Thalia' meaning to blossom/flourish (also as in Thalia Grace). 'Leola' meaning lioness; loyal (as said here) + has Latin(a) origins. (And according to this, apparently 'Vidal' means devil, sooooo).

Alias: Jinx (definitely not stolen off Jinx from Arcane).

Age(s I'll write her as): 0-18/118 (going by Hotel Transylvania logic).

Gender/Pronouns/Sexuality: Fluid, usually She/Her, Bisexual.

Powers/Skills: Chaos magic, clairvoyance, knife throwing (curtesy of Rio), magic absorption (??), martial arts/self-defence, + teleportation.

S/O: Atlas Parker/Spider-Boy (OC). More on him here.

Appearance: Brown hair + brown eyes. Face Claim: Jules Lee (as Amanda Fix).

Her aesthetic:

---

Parents: Agatha Harkness (mama) and Rio Vidal/Lady Death (mamí). Their ('s and Thalia's) aesthetic:

(Pic 1): Rio + Thalia. (Pic 2): Agatha, Nicky + Rio. (Pic 3): Agatha + Thalia.

---

Sibling/Twin Brother: Nicholas Alejandro Harkness. His (and Thalia's) aesthetic:

Appearance: Brown hair, blue eyes.

(For all intents and purposes, he's gonna be a Harkness, cause I keep seeing him as the dude from 'Chilling Adventures of Sabrina').

---

Pet: Kojo the Golden Retriever. Thalia's guide dog for general + clairvoyance-related anxiety.

(Pic 1): Handsome Boy. (Pic 2): Big Stick. (Pic 3): Kojo as Dumbo, ft Nicky's slippers.

---

Friend group: America Chavez (Xochitl Gomez), Lyla Romanoff/Nova Widow (OC), Billy Maximoff/Wiccan (Joe Locke), Tommy Maximoff/Speed (Judah Lewis), Kamala Khan/Ms Marvel (Iman Vellani), Elijah 'Eli' Bradley/Patriot (Elijah Richardson), Peter Parker/Spider-Man (Tom Holland), Theodore 'Teddy' Altman/Hulking (Billy's bf) and Cassandra 'Cassie' Lang/Stature (Kathryn Newton).

~~~

I think that's it, I might add some more stuff to this later on, but it'll just be like my imagination going a bit wild, and yeah. Let me know if you have any questions/requests, and I'll do my best to answer them.

-Harlow

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

If I Can't Reach You/Let My Song Teach You ~ Ep 4

(Part of this AU)

~~~

Okay, so this episode obviously opens up on Mrs Hart/Sharon being dead, and Teen digging her a grave, which Thalia is also doing, before being joined by Alice, purposefully ignoring her mom's antics.

Then when everyone's having that big argument about who was at fault for Mrs Hart's death, she chimes in after Lilia with "Her hair didn't get put in the potion either", before finishing digging Mrs Hart's grave/burying her.

When they're doing the summoning spell, Thalia's stood between Alice and Agatha, then once Alice mentions the replacement Green Witch bringing Advil, produces a pack and a bottle of water from her bag for her (it's a magic bag 🤫🤫🤫).

Very suspicious looking, and kind of Spider-sense-y when Rio starts coming out of the ground, then when she's 'straightened-out' again, Thalia's shocked, but then gets like very smiley, cause that's her mamí, bro-

Huffs out slightly, and curses under her breath in Spanish, when Agatha storms off.

Then follows behind Kojo, after his leash gets pulled from her hand, and he goes over to Rio, then hugs her, once she stands up again from petting him.

Gets the smileys again, very soon after the first time, when she spots the like felt(??) spider Rio hides under her jacket (will be revealed later as to why).

All three actions earn confused looks, and raised eyebrows from the rest of the coven, all like "What the fuck??!"

Which (without prompting) Thalia replies to with "Esa es mi mamí, brujas." and a half-smile/half-smirk, before picking Kojo's leash back up, and following behind Rio.

Then she's very much just nodding along with all of her mamí's weirdness, and curiosity of the stuff on the road.

Bonus shit: when Lilia, Alice + Jen are having their conversation behind her/them, Jen chimes in with "We also know that she's Freak-Witch-Junior's other mom; that's definitely a con." after Lilia says "We know that Agatha hates her; I'd say that goes in the 'pro' column." instead of "I don't know how to feel, etc")

(A/N: wasn't sure how to write this, so we're skipping ahead 🙂)

Thalia goes off with Teen, looking around for clues, and stuff, then when Rio and Agatha are in the sound booth, she's seen sat on the couch with Kojo, in the bottom left-ish corner of the window.

Then when the rest of the coven hears what they're saying (after Agatha presses the intercom thing) the camera pans to Thalia when Rio says "and I get my bodies", who has like a defeated look on her face, as if the suspicions she'd had about Agatha's true intentions (as much as she didn't wanna believe them) had been fully confirmed.

Once the record starts playing backwards, she immediately gets up, and goes over to Rio, with Kojo (cause that's obviously her best bet).

When Lilia's shoulders start burning, she kind of shuffles behind the piano (like Rio does, except she does it first, cause Thalia's on her right), and Kojo like hides under it (and basically stays there).

Then (as previously mentioned here) when Alice goes on that whole rant about her life, and gets to the "Everything I touch turns to shit/that I couldn't save her" bit, walks out from behind the piano, and goes over and hugs her, before pulling away, so she can show the group the scars on her shoulders.

After Teen gets thrown through the sound booth window, she follows the coven inside, still firmly sticking by Rio's side (shut up, I'm obsessed with their relationship/dynamic), then follows back out with Alice and Teen.

Definitely picks up on the whole "to protect her daughter" thing, and the look Agatha and Rio share at that point (at that point in the episode, Thalia's stood behind the drumkit, essentially between the two of them).

Then Thalia follows behind Teen, and gets the base guitar from the stand next to the acoustic one, after Agatha turns to her, and asks "You still practice that Death music, right?" and Thalia tilts her head to the side with a smirk, and replies with "Obviously."

(Jen gets demoted to tambourine, sorry guys☹️).

Alice, Rio, and Agatha, are like moved over to the left slightly, so from a camera-frame POV, Thalia's stood between Agatha + Lilia.

The song starts, and she's playing the appropriate notes/chords (of which I don't know), and makes eye contact with Teen at the "the danger's great, the trial's wait, for those who seek the prize", and gives him kind of a confused look, like "Are you okay?/What are you looking at?"

As the song goes on, and Thalia matches Agatha and Lilia's notes again, and the "if I can't reach you, let my song teach you, all you need to keep our love alive"/"if I can't hold you, remember what I told you, it's the only way we survive, we survive".

And even has her own solo (from 2:55-3:20 of the song on music streaming apps) during this version of the ballad.

(A/N: again, wasn't sure how to write this bit, so ahead we go!!)

Thalia's then stood at the end of the tree trunk, between Rio and Alice, and is kind of frozen in place, since it's not her area of expertise, but also cause deja vu 😬.

She's then sat on the Road floor, by the campfire, between the log Rio's sat on, and the rock Alice is say against (this is literally the only consistent thing through the entire show).

With Kojo's head resting in her lap (this poor dog is going through it), and then taps Rio's knee, with a small smile on her face, as like a "Not the time", when she's like "You guys don't have extra nipples? I'm covered in nipples/You wanna see?"

Then when the episode pans back to the campfire, Thalia's sat closer to Rio, with her head resting against Rio's knee, laughing her head off, and Kojo's now sat with Alice (and Jen), with his head in her lap.

And while Rio's whole speech happens, she looks defeated again, and kind of disheartened, her head still against Rio's knee.

Once Agatha gets up, and Rio follows after her, the rest of the coven kinda looks over at her sympathetically, as Thalia moves to lean back against the log, tears seconds from falling.

Then as if on cue, Kojo moves from his spot with Alice, and goes back over to Thalia; cuddling up with her, instead, and gently licking her face/cheeks.

AND THAT IS IT!!!!

~~~

Bonus: Thalia's 70's outfit (she's literally Daisy Jones in another life).

^in black + gold to match her mom's, otherwise it looks too much like Jen's

~~~

Another one down (I LOVE THIS!!!!)

Ngl, this took me a while to get the motivation to do it, but this week's been pretty tough for me, mentally (I'm okay, dw), so that's why this took as long as it did, so I'm gonna (hopefully) have the next one and the additional chapter out really soon.

So yeah, see you soon xxx

-Harlow

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

where are my JackieShauna and Jemily girls at, cause hello?? are they not near enough the same?

Jackie and JJ both have heart necklaces with dark meanings behind it, were/are in a relationship with a himbo (I have a love/hate relationship w/ Jeff and Will, sorry) while having a complicated feelings for their 'best friend', and hallucinated them while dying.