#i won't be miserable

[1-800-salem]

i like my image as the cool alt girl who's always down to have fun and dabble in a few substances. i've always been the boring and shy one so it finally feels like i've left that behind

resumed uni yesterday and it was so good to be high again last night for about 5 minutes until I became hyperaware of the men around me and how deeply,, utterly repulsed i am by them. it was a feeling that gradually increased until I genuinely could not take it anymore,, could not stand to let myself be perceived by thosw horrible creatures for another minute. i know they will always look at me with some level of attraction. i know they're thinking about me. i don't want it. it makes me sick.

i ended up hanging out with two different guys and a friend. watching them do their thing slowly brought the repulsed feeling back and made me realize i'm really out at 2 am smoking and drinking with men that mean nothing to me,, their presence inspiring a nauseous feeling at best

i joke about the bad influence friend our parents warn us about because i think it's a funny little thing (because i'm not all that bad. i just like to be a little out of my mind and kiss girls from time to time) but when i watched my friend who i've always seen as too young for this environment pour back that smirnoff chocolate and vape like some kind of pro,, it hit me then that i really am being a bad influence. even if my intention was to just have someone i could actually tolerate around me in order to make the experience more bearable,, to see if i could finally fully enjoy myself. i shouldn't have brought her. i shouldn't be exposing her to these things. i shouldn't have been the reason she threw up in the bushes.

i have vague memories of asking a girl i'd briefly had something with if she wanted to drink or smoke when she gets back to school. i remember how clear it was she probably didn't want to. how the only girl in my life right now i can share my little bad habits with and actually have a good time isn't really all that up for hanging out with me. it wasn't a crushing feeling,, but once again it really had me thinking.

the night ended and i found myself outside buying food,, barely present,, unable to keep myself upright and completely alone. walking back to my room was a challenge,, especially with the crushing weight of utter unfulfillment being carried with me. i wondered who was watching me,, how long it would take for my reputation to become "that girl who's always getting high with guys and outside at night"

none of this is what i want for myself. i like to smoke and drink but i want to smoke and drink around people (GIRLS) that make it the experience i want it to be. how did i end up here? the outside perception of me and why i do this must be so different from the true story and it makes me sick to my stomach.

i woke up not too long ago surrounded by half eaten food and dandadan playing on my laptop, cold (without a duvet because it hasn't arrived yet) and still very much crossfaded. this morning i feel a loneliness in my chest that hasn't reared its head in a couple years now. i always had a feeling it wasn't completely gone.

i'm going to go back to sleep once i post this and get a good cry out. i wish i was at least warm. i feel like the only girl in the world right now. hopefully i'm better when i'm sober again.

[wasyago]

another attempt

[giarossin]

"wait a minute, this isn't my bedroom," said the most ace character ever

[juney-blues]

if i write hard enough i'll finally come up with the post that expertly skewers some of the transmisogynistic shit i see on here so hard that everyone realises it's stupid and learns their lesson and i never have to see another post like it again. just one more post june just one more post come on. keep making yourself miserable i'm sure you'll get through to them with this one, #neverstopposting

[queeringclassiclit]

Enjolras

from Les Misérables by Victor Hugo

submitted by anon

[balamist]

[buglaur]

my favourite posts from 2023

[mod2amaryllis]

I'm glad it's been a relatively uncomplicated pregnancy but that means i was not prepared for the home stretch misery. like girl! my sciatica!!!

[lloydfrontera]

@ying-doodles this was,,, so cleansing for my soul. i need to draw yuri more often.

anyway, ying is still bringing updates from the battlefield (keeping up with the webcomic) so i made them a little doodle in gratitude. literally saving lives <3

[sentientstump]

And now i try again my hand

At taming ghosts and counting sand

[kingslionheart]

"He was looking forward to this journey." "So he can pray over Hoskuld?" "He was looking forward to seeing you," Steapa said, "for some reason he likes you." —Uhtred's Feast, Bernard Cornwell

[lady-corrine]

I won with them in both canons...

So genuinely idgaf about anything else. 🙂‍↔️💆‍♀️

[butterflysonnets]

yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.

to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!

i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.

also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.

they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.

they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.

i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.

[andromedaa-starss]

maybe for the 40th anniversary les mis will release an actual proshot

[shamedumpster]

They were roommates. (Oh my god they were roommates.)

Courfius cuddles for you :>

[lesmisscraper]

It's such an irony that we celebrate Cosette's Most Unforgettable Day, but today's Les Mis Letter is for Valjean and her getting farther away…