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AITA for "using" a cucumber and putting it back in the fridge?
(🥒👌 to find later)
Please, I know it sounds nuts but hear me out. I feel awful and I need to know just how bad this is. Also, I intentionally left as much as possible vague as I am a minor and I do not want this to get removed for being too explicit. But the story will not make sense if I don't include certain things, please understand.
So I (16M) grew up in and currently still live in the bible belt, with extremely conservative evangelical parents. As a taste of what it's like, we have church 3 times a week, and church camp every summer. We are only allowed to access Netflix through a stupid content filter app and we can only use a restricted smart phone that is regularly checked at random by our parents. We get an hour and a half of computer usage every other day, and the internet on the computer is heavily filtered also. The only reason I have access to Tumblr and am able to post this now is because my best friend's older brother gave me his old android for my birthday a few years ago. His family is much more open minded, and I'm very close with them. I also think they have always felt a little bad for me with my family being the way they are.
I'm also gay. Obviously, my family does not know, and I intend to keep it that way. I won't go too deep into it, but it will suffice to say I struggled a lot when I was younger over this. The good thing is that in the last few years, I've been able to accept myself more and come to terms with what my own feelings about religion and faith really are. I came out to my best friend and his brother a little over a year ago, and they've been very supportive. I have yet to tell any of my other friends.
Recently, I've been trying out alcohol since my friends found a hookup. Something I have discovered is that I tend to get lewd feelings when I drink, which has nearly caused a few embarrassing moments around friends. Coincidentally, I have also been experimenting with... certain things. Being a minor, I obviously can't enter any of the adult stores around me, nor would I feel comfortable asking any of my friends to drive me there if I could. I also can't order anything online because my bank account is connected to my parents, and I don't have a shipping address I'm comfortable using for those items either. So instead, I use household objects that belong to me and can be sanitized easily. You might see where this is going.
Yesterday evening, I came home from best friend's house with a full bottle of wine in my backpack. We and a few other friends had already been sipping on a few beers that afternoon, and I still felt a little buzzed. After my family went to sleep, despite already having a little alcohol in my system, I proceeded to get wasted on this bottle of wine in my room. I don't have the clearest memory of all of this, but at some point, I got hungry and lewd-feeling. Went into the kitchen and, through some kind of thought process I can only imagine now, came back into my room with a cucumber. From the title of the post, you can hazard a guess as to what happened to this cucumber. Once I was done, I drukedly and quickly washed it in the bathroom sink and threw it back into the fridge. I went to sleep.
I started freaking out as soon as I woke up this morning. There were four cucumbers in the fridge, I was pretty positive at least two were going to be used for dinner tonight, and I had no idea which cucumber I did the deed with. To make matters worse, my mom was inviting the pastor of our church and his family over for dinner. I have practically no money currently, no license or vehicle, and no friends with vehicles free to pick up new cucumbers for me (and no reasonable explanation as to why I needed them to spot me for four cucumbers specifically). I also have no believable reason to give for why we shouldn't have cucumbers added in the salad mix. My mom knows I love them, and they haven't gone bad. Can't say I ate them because who the hell eats four raw cucumbers? And she'll interrogate both my brother and I until she gets a satisfying answer if I just throw them out. I didn't know what the hell to do about this and I was close to having a panic attack, so... I took a nap.
Evening came. Guests came over, dinner happened. We had porkchops with macaroni and side salads. Cucumbers were in the salad, and I along with pastor's family and my own, ate it like nothing was wrong. My parents, the pastor and his wife had an engaging conversation about politics, religion, and some mild church gossip after dinner. My little brother continued to read his book, and I had a very awkward and one-sided conversation about Young Sheldon with the pastor's daughter. Then they left. And I went to my room to mentally implode.
To say I'm horrified is a major understatement. I don't think anyone is going to get sick because I scrubbed all of the cucumbers with soap multiple times and cleaned the vegetable drawer with bleach when I woke up this morning. I guess I also don't know that the violated cucumber was one of the ones that was used for dinner tonight, but then it's only a matter of days until we have salad again, or if mom cuts one up for water. I've rattled my brain for any way I could get some new cucumbers without telling anyone the details of the event, but I have nothing. Don't even have the money, anyway. Gave up the last bit of cash I had for the damn wine yesterday, and I have $0.43 in total on my debit card.
Admittedly, there is a very small part of me that doesn't even really care if they have eaten or end up eating the damn thing. I can't stand my family. My parents are invasive, controlling and neurotic, and don't give a shit about how I'm doing in so far as it pertains to god and the church. I'm a little more sympathetic to my brother as he's been stuck in this hell with me, but at 13 he's already begun to regurgitate way more religious dogma than I ever did at his age. And I know for a fact that they would want nothing to do with me if they found out I was gay. They'd probably kick me out on the street and spit on me if I had to guess. But even still, this is only a small part of how I feel. What I did was still so gross, and no amount of animosity I have for them can change how mortifed I am. I do have at least a semblance of a conscience.
So...AITA for all of this? WIBTA if I did nothing about the other two cucumbers? Please help.
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New year, new me?
Nah.
New year NEW CHARACTERRRRRR BITCHESSSSS
So anyway.
Those ABC Headcanons I did for Mihawk, Shanks, Sanji, and Zoro a few months ago when I first started this Tumblr. I'm doing one for Crocodaddy now. Needed to iron them out to write him later in a fanfiction I already have in-progress, and this helps.
This also means I'll be accepting requests for him tentatively (I know I'm way behind on ask requests as is, bear with me pls).
Also excuse me while I squeal about being able to create semi-transparent banners and shit now
A through Z
NSFW Headcanons
A — Afterglow (How are they have sex?)
He'll be sitting up against the pillows and headboard of your shared bed, striking up a cigar while you're still lying alongside him gasping for air.
Glancing down at you in your utterly spent and trembling state, smirking with the cigar between his teeth and pulling you up by your shoulder to recline back against his chest.
Not at all above taunting you about how utterly ruined you are.
"Oh, what's wrong? Was it too much?"
Chuckling when you tell him to go fuck himself as he leans over to pour himself and you a small glass of bourbon.
Leaning down to brush his lips and nibble at your neck, murmur in your ear while you take a sip from your glass, praising you with that same edge of almost cruel amusement.
"Such a good little fuck toy."
This is the most relaxed you're usually going to see him, and the most inclined toward cuddling up with you he's going to be.
B — Backrubs? (Do they like them? Like giving them?)
First time you come into his office and circle around behind his chair, he's going to be suspicious, probably even standoffish about it—until your hands are rubbing his neck and his shoulders.
"The hell do you think you're—......oh. Oh, that's...mmmm..."
You won't hear one single further complaint out of him after that.
He's not going to ask you to do it again—he's more likely to demand that you do, to send for you after a particularly long day so he can just lean back and let you work your magic on his stiff muscles.
If he returns the favor at any point, you can rest assured that it's not without an ulterior motive—he won't settle for having his hand on you without getting more out of it.
C — Cuddling (Do they enjoy cuddling a lot or only at certain moments?)
He's more likely to pull you against him or onto his lap in public than he is in private—he likes showing off his trophies, after all, and you're among his most prized possessions.
Gets off on making sure that everyone around knows that you're his, tugging you onto his knee with an arm curled possessively around your waist.
In private, he's still not going to shove you away if you lay back and drape yourself across his lap.
He might not say so, but he honestly loves it. He'll probably absently stroke your hair or brush his thumb across your cheek—but he's not as likely to initiate.
D — Dance (Are they good at it? Do they enjoy it?)
He's got his share of experience—being a filthy rich business magnate doesn't come without its share of formal to-dos, after all.
He's going to spend the majority of said fraternizations discussing business and making connections—but he can't and won't ever resist any opportunity that arises to show you off, either.
Whether you ask or not, at some point he's going to wrap his arm around you and curl his hook around your waist—pull you in close by your chin to speak against your lips.
"Let's show these low-lives what they're missing."
Lowering his hand down and squeezing your ass to tug you against him.
It's definitely more of a command than a question, and he's already smirking because he knows you aren't going to protest—at least not if you know what's good for you.
E — Extravagant Gestures (Things they do to make you feel loved)
"Love" is a strong word, and one that it's going to take a hell of a long time for him to actually admit out loud or really show.
He'll mostly show his appreciation in a material manner—buying you flowers, jewelry, clothes.
Anything you desire or he thinks you deserve, he's going to give you without any hesitation. He doesn't always have much time to spend, but he has more than enough money to spend, and he's going to.
It might seem like empty gestures on the surface, but showering you with gifts is his main mode of affection.
When he does have time to spend, however, he makes sure that his sole focus is on you and you alone, either flat out ignoring anyone that dares interrupt or putting them in their place on the spot.
He intends to ensure that his lover should never have to need or want for anything.
F — Fighting (How do they handle arguments/apologies?)
He's not apologizing. Doesn't matter if he's at fault or in the wrong, he's not going to acknowledge it.
He'll typically keep a cool head about it, even if you're shouting—but if you take a stab at his pride, things are probably going to escalate until you're not on speaking terms for a bit.
Closest thing to an apology you're going to get is him conveniently forgetting about the whole thing and you suddenly being showered with even more lavish gifts than normal, likely even accompanied by little handwritten sappy notes.
He'll also probably let it go entirely if you come back and apologize, but he's going to remain bitter about it for a while.
At least until he gets you alone later to bend you over and grudge-fuck your brains out until he's satisfied you've learned your lesson.
G — Getting Hot (What do they do turn turn you on, and vice versa?)
He stays busy enough that it tends to stray from his mind that physical intimacy an important part of a healthy romantic relationship.
On the rare occasion he isn’t busy, however, he's likely to have his hands and lips all over you—even if you're busy at the time yourself, intent on distracting you from your own priorities and enjoying you at his own whim.
Pulling you back against him by your waist while you're in the middle of some important business or personal call, pushing his hand down between your thighs, his voice a low murmur in your ear, conveying in great detail what he plans to do to you.
"Hang up the phone...unless you want them to hear me ruining you."
Pushing his hook under your chin to tilt your head back, giving his lips free roam of your neck and your jaw, trailing them slowly across every inch of your exposed skin.
The quickest way to get him riled up is to subtly do the same to him in a situation where he can't do anything about it.
To cup your hands around his ear while he's in the middle of some important business or social exchange and whisper all your dirtiest fantasies, forcing him to keep up a calm and professional demeanor in spite of his carnal desire for you.
He's going to act like it's annoying him, but you know better.
You know that he's going to be tearing your clothes off the second he manages to get you alone.
H — Heartache (How would they handle it if you broke up with them?)
He's used to courting his losses, so in the surface it's going to seem like he's unbothered, and anyone that suggests otherwise is going to get their head bitten off over it.
He's going to be more cruel, more impatient with his subordinates.
He's going to be a lot more likely to fly off the handle at anything that could be taken as a slight or insult.
He's going to be unfocused in his business dealings, delegating more work than usual to those below him.
He's going to engage in a great deal of debauchery and self-destructive behavior to push you from his mind—rebound sex, heavy gambling, heavy drinking, chain smoking.
He's going to spend sleepless nights glaring uo at the ceiling and white-knuckling a bottle of liquor, beating himself up over it in silence and solitude.
He's probably going to end up drunkenly den den mushi dialing you after a few weeks, slurring about how big a mistake you made and how much better off he is...and slurring about how big a mistake he made while begging you to come back.
Emotional availability isn’t one of his strong suits.
I — Intimacy (When are they intimate with you? And how often?)
Whenever he feels like it.
He could go a week without paying you much attention at all; then revert to shoving you against a wall or pulling you onto his lap and having you every time he catches sight of you.
Depends largely on his mood, which depends largely on other aspects of his life.
Unless he's incredibly busy or frustrated from stress, he isn’t likely to turn you away if you initiate.
Whether you're circling behind him to rub his shoulders or sitting yourself on his lap, he's likely to pull you closer and breathe you in, brush his lips to your neck and jaw, enjoying some much needed peace and solace in your closeness.
But he's still going to tease and belittle you about it, making sure you feel his lips curve into a smirk against your skin.
"What's the matter? Does my little girl need some attention?"
J — Joker (How do they make you laugh)
His sense of humor is typically cruel and comes at the expense of others.
Certified master at roasting—typically with deadpan delivery, maybe with a hint of a condescending smirk as he verbally destroys whoever has dared to cross him.
There might be a playful insult battle between you and him here and there—he's not going to do it to be outright hurtful, but if you call him an arrogant prick (a slur he frankly agrees with and gladly owns), he's going to put you in your place and chuckle at whatever you manage to throw back at him.
K — Kissing (How good? How often?)
Like other brands of physical affection, he's not going to initiate it very often.
Which is a bit of a shame, because he's incredibly good at it—if more than a bit of a tease.
Slow and sensual, curling his hand around the back of your head, his teeth grazing against your bottom lip, tongue brushing against yours.
Smirking and drawing away when you moan to tease you in a low murmur.
"Oh...? Did you want more, sweetheart?"
Grasping your waist and pulling you against him aggressively to deepen the kiss, devouring your lips possessively with a low growl.
No qualms at all about doing so in public—he greatly enjoys the thrill of all those judgmental and envious eyes, of showing others what they're missing out on.
L — Lay down (How do they sleep with you? Are they a cuddler or do they prefer their space?)
His pride won't allow him to say so aloud, but he cannot sleep without you.
There's always the slightest subconscious worry, eating away at the back of his mind, that he doesn't do enough for you, that he isn’t there enough for you, a worry that really only surfaces in the minutes and hours before sleep when he has no choice but to be alone with his own thoughts.
He'll lay awake until you're there with him so he can pull you against his side, lower his head over yours and breathe in your scent, relaxing into the comfort of your warmth.
This is when he's most vulnerable, most affectionate, when he's anything even close to self-conscious.
When he might brush his lips to your temple and praise you in a low murmur without any expectation of you reciprocating.
"Mmm...so warm....."
He'll slip his arm under you, pull you against him, and refuse to release you until morning.
M — Making babies (Do they want to settle down and have kids?)
HAHAHAHAHAHA no
No, absolutely not.
This really isn’t negotiable. He has no interest in having children at all. Doesn't remotely have the patience necessary and doesn't wish to change his lifestyle to fit around parenthood.
N — Nervous? (How confident are they when it comes to romance?)
Confident really isn’t the word—the man's arrogance is unrivaled.
He's filthy rich, he has unrivaled social standing, the physique of a living god, he knows he could have damned near any woman he wants. Why the hell would he be worried?
His only concern is the matter of trust—that letting anyone get too close could be detrimental to his status. You could blackmail him, you could entice him too deeply and take him for all he's worth, so he might keep you ag arm's length for a while.
Despite his confidence, he also won't tolerate any other men hitting on you—you're his, and he doesn't share his things.
O — Oral Fixation (Giving or receiving? And how good are they?)
Far more into receiving.
Very into pulling out abruptly after fucking you relentlessly and forcing his cock down your throat while you're still gasping for air, reveling in the sight of your make-up smeared over your flushed face and the sound of you gagging on it.
"Yeah, that's it, baby—take every fucking inch—"
But he does love making you beg, and giving isn’t off the table if you satisfy him adequately and ask very nicely.
Just as much as he loves ruining you—so he's going to hold you down by your hip, isn’t going to stop until you're screaming, gasping, hyperventilating from overstimulation, limp and trembling and barely conscious in his grasp.
P — Pet Peeves (Things they don't like in a partner)
Excessive neediness is going to irritate the hell out of him.
He doesn't have the time or the patience to constantly offer his attention and reassurance, so he strongly prefers a confident and independent lover.
Absolutely can't stand you flirting with other men to make him jealous.
It might get his attention, but not in a good way.
He's already iffy about trust, and all that will do is put him on high alert and make him more likely to push you away.
Q — Quiet Time (How much alone time do they need, or do they want to be with you 24/7?)
He stays busy—whether it's running several profitable businesses around Alabasta or dealing with Cross Guild, he doesn't have much spare time, and he's pretty used to it.
That means he's also accustomed to a lot of alone time, and that it's required for his work.
He doesn't mind you being there while he's dealing with it, but only if you're quiet—if you insist on distracting him, he's not going to be pleased.
He's fine with you laying back across his lap, even against his chest with his arm stretched over your shoulders, just as long as you're not intentionally disturbing his concentration.
Though if you are intentionally disturbing him, he will bend you over and wear you out until you're too spent to bother him any further.
R — Romance (How romantic are they? Do they have to force it ir does it come natural?)
Not much of a romantic at all. He's pretty accustomed to just being able to win over women with money and status.
Dinner reservations at expensive restaurants where the waiting lists go on for months, ritzy parties and clubs, anything that allows him to throw his weight and wallet around and show you off.
He will make a point of keeping his attention in you—his arm curled around your waist, keeping you close at his side—but traditional romance is definitely not his strong suit.
S — Spending Money (How much do they like to spend on you?)
Physical touch is his love language, but it's best that yours is receiving gifts, because you're going to be getting a LOT of them.
Designer clothes, jewelry expensive enough that it could be used as collateral in purchasing a small nation, the finest perfumes, date nights that could cost a few hundred thousand berries—whatever your poison, he's providing it.
You're never going to want or need for anything. Even if something just briefly catches your eye in a shop window or a vendor stall, you're likely going to find it in your possession before the end of the day.
In a way it's an apology for not being able to spend as much time with you as he feels you deserve—he'll never say so out loud, that would injure his pride, but the implications of it are heavy.
Only the best of the best for his lady.
T — Trust (Are they trusting of you? Jealous?)
There are some definite trust issues with Croc. It's not uncommon for women to cozy up to him just for monetary and material gain, and he's well aware of it. It's going to take a lot of time for him to fully believe that this isn’t your endgame.
Even once he does trust you, may the heavens have mercy on any man whose eyes linger on you for too long, because he'll need divine intervention to save him if Crocodile catches him.
At that point it's less a matter of his trust wavering—it's more a matter of the fact that he does trust you, and doesn't want to lose that, to lose you now that you do have his trust.
U — Underwear (What kind do they wear, and what kind do they like on you?)
Tends toward tight boxers and briefs (always designer) to show off his physique.
That's his default, at least; you could pretty easily talk him into wearing something more skimpy if you want.
He's going to have a full closet of expensive lingerie for you. If it's something he wants to see you in, he's buying it.
The finest silk, the smoothest satin, the most delicate lace. If it's fit for a queen, then it's yours.
V — Vulnerable (How vulnerable are they with you? Is it easy for them to open up to you?
There's a solid steel wall separating you from his emotions and his past that is damned near impossible to break down.
He has to be able to trust you before he can be open, and again, that's going to take time. A lot of time.
He doesn't allow himself to take that kind of risk—one single mistake, being the slightest bit too open with the wrong person, and every ounce of power he's built up could come crashing down on the wings of blackmail and betrayal.
That being said, once you do manage to gain his trust, you'll be the only person he's open with.
And he'll be completely open, because it's a bit addictive, as it's not something he's accustomed to—being able to be comfortably vulnerable is a nice, relaxing change of pace.
W — Wine and Dine (Do they prefer meals at home or going out with you? Who does more of the cooking?)
Domestic endeavors definitely aren't his forte. He's had a personal chef on his staff since well before he met you.
He isn't going to prevent you from cooking if you enjoy it—though he might find it a little strange, since it's a task he considers below him.
He might even watch you out of sheer curiosity, though it's doubtful he will partake; he'll be more likely to sit back and puff on a cigar, taking the opportunity to enjoy the view and let his eyes roam over you while you work.
Overall, he would usually prefer to just go out, or let the staff handle it...but he does find something particularly enticing about seeing you working with your hands, regardless the reason.
X — X-Rated (How good are they in bed? What do they like?)
You're going to need a safe word, because he's aggressive. He desires total and absolute control, and won't settle for anything less.
You're his free use slut—if and when he wants you, you had best be ready for him.
He'll curl his hook around your neck and his hand around your waist to pull you back against him, let out a slow breath against your neck as his slips your clothes down your shoulders to lay in a pool at your feet.
Or simply rip them away from you, pressing against you to ensure you feel the hard heat of his arousal straining against his clothes, throbbing against your ass and your lower back.
Tilting his head down to ensure you both feel and hear his low, commanding growl in your ear.
"You're mine. Aren't you, my little whore?"
Whether he leads you by the edge of his hook to the privacy of your bedroom he simply bends you over his desk is entirely at his whim.
Either way, he's going to do little more than pull your panties to the side before he thrusts straight into you and fucks you relentlessly.
He's selfish, his main concern is mostly his own gratification—but he still has some concern for yours.
He does love the sound of your breathless moans, after all. Your cries of abandon are music to his ears, and there's nothing more intoxicating than the feeling of your pussy tightening up and pulsing around his cock as you fall limp beneath him in the wake of release.
Pulling you right back up by your hair before you've recovered, hearing your breath catch in your throat.
He lives for it, growling in your ear as he tightens his grip around your tender flesh, pinching and rolling one of your nipples between his thumb and forefinger, his lips curled into a cruel smirk.
"I didn't say I was done with you, slut."
He has no intention of stopping until he is done, until he's fully satisfied—whether that means making you cum until you pass out or cramming his cock down your throat until you're choking on his cum, it doesn't matter.
Either way, he always gets what he wants.
Y — Yearning (How long will they pursue the person they're interested in before losing interest?)
Not long, in most cases. He can just throw money and gifts at most women and get the gratification that he's after out of it.
He's going to be more interested, and honestly more likely to pursue, if you can't be bought.
If you're interested in more than what he can provide for you on a material or physical level, he's going to be intrigued. That's not something he's used to.
In that case, he very much enjoys a good game of cat and mouse. He'll want to find out exactly what makes you tick, and he's going to persist until he does find out.
He'll likely be courting and fraternizing with other women at the same time initially, but he'll push them away in a heartbeat if you engage in the game and show interest.
He'll probably still throw money and gifts at you, as that's what he's accustomed to doing—but he'll make a point of learning about you, and make the gifts more personal, more in line with your interests and passions, to ensure you know he's paying attention.
He still won't wait for too long. The whole hard-to-get shtick is fun for a time, but he will move on if it begins to seem to him like he's being strung along. If he isn’t the one in control and he feels like he's being played a fool, he'll cut his losses without a second thought.
Z — Zen (What do they do to wind down and relax? Do they prefer to do it alone or with you?
He doesn't have much time for rest and relaxation, so he values it immensely—and he absolutely requires your presence for it.
Even if he doesn't show it most of the time, you're his solace, his peace, the one thing that warms the cold and calculating persona he has to keep up almost twenty-four seven.
If he's reclining back with a glass of bourbon and a cigar, he wants you there. He needs you there.
Reclining back against his chest, his thumb brushing circles against your waist, trailing delicate patterns over your hand as he lies his head back to slowly exhale a plume of smoke.
Lowering his head back down to admire the sight of you, to brush your hair behind your shoulder and murmur in your ear.
"Get comfortable. You're not going anywhere until I say so."
#one piece#crocodile one piece#sir crocodile#crocodile#sir crocodile one piece#one piece anime#one piece manga#crocodile x reader#sir crocodile x reader#headcanons#one piece headcanons#fanfiction#one piece fanfiction#smut#fluff
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Your changeling!Daniil is amazing. Your Clara Burakh is amazing. Your totally-normal-scientist (who totally didn't do anything like Jack the Ripper and Victor Frankenstein in the capital! only ethically sourced bodies here!) Artemiy is amazing.
Clara as Haruspex is breaking my heart especially! The way you wrote her being friends with the kids - how Artemiy was once with Stakh, Grief and Lara - and how she has a foreboding feeling she won't belong with them once it is all over, because her role is to protect them, not be one of them! Rat man still found a way to be mean my girl 😭 Also she and Grace are so sweet. Wanted to say that Grace's name (Ласка) in Russian has double meaning: 1) weasel (animal); 2) tenderness. Do with that as you will~
Also Daniil (both of them) is so good as a changeling. I loved that quiet moment he had with Clara on the stage, where they say how odd it is to play like that. Love the eyes of the "twins" being what sets them apart, too! Raven feels like he wants to be a bad guy, but can't quite bring himself. Regretful plague that is also a dead man who is alive but only because the sickness is. Snake being so gentle and kind and seemingly having some sort of planning he doesn't fully share even with the reader. Also Daniil speaking Hebrew! I gasped when I realised. It's also a fun contrast to him only speaking in Latin in the game, especially if we still to see him as Jewish. Makes me really want to see how you'd write bachelor!Daniil! Want to take a look inside his head! I know what I shall read next.
Artemiy having a worst imposter syndrome out of all of them because of coming back home where he was supposed to take on his father's role and finding the man who was a founder of a project that could be called Artemiy's life work is comedy gold. Also his little sister literally living the life he refused! 10/10 no notes. Artemiy and his unfun coming-home-to-steppe party! 🥳 Roots, Rain and Reflection is secretly a comedy.
Thank you for writing this amazing role reversal, don't think I will be able to get it out of my head.
tumblr is so annoying bc I had a whole response and then it got deleted roijepigjetiuheoigj let me try to write what I can remember and hopefully do it better
I literally screamed when I read this ask btw thank you so much
the healers in this fic are so incredibly dear to me and I love them so much, I love getting to focus on them, yes Artemy's organs and cadavers as ethically sourced and fresh as he can get them :D
Haruclara truly deserves so much, she doesn't fit into the Termites despite being a kid herself, half because of the way she was raised and half because of the nature of the story and the separation of Healers and Bound. While also having messy connections with the other two Healers. I really wish I could have more Grara but this is primarily p1 focused so the Bound's role is limited (the amount of Yulia/Rubin/Lara/Aspity I had to cut- istg I was so excited to have an Aspity and Artemy interaction on day 6 but it would've been too long) I will keep what you said in mind though! thank you ^^
Changeniil has been so write, he keeps so much of himself hidden, so getting to reveal those small bits of him like in that theatre bit are great. The hands and the eyes being the main things to distinguish the twins Dankovsky is fun because those are two things Pathologic focuses on a lot, though I will say that there might be more later on. The Raven is a miserable wet beast, the idea behind the twins has been that different bits of Daniil are split up, so and what's fun about that is that it's Plagueniil that has the idealism. He's a fucked up guy held together only by spite and disease but he cares so much it hurts him. The Snake is also a creature, truly, he knows his plan, Raven knows his plan (and doesn't like it at all), and I know how it will fail, the narrators being unreliable is such a fun part of patho. I always write Daniil as Jewish (because he is to me lol) but specifically Daniil I think fits with Hebrew because it is a revived language and as a guy who is trying to defeat death I think it would suit him (also revived language and revived Daniil was an intentional choice) I will say though, idk how well my old writing holds up bc my writing got a lot better while writing roleswap so go at your own risk lol
Finally, Bachtemy, a dearly beloved fool <3 he used to have a much bigger conflict with Daniil about Daniil not being who Artemy expected him to be and that being a lot more angsty but then I started writing that scene and it turned out gay so nice. There's a lot about Artemy I'm planning to go into in chapter 7 so look out for that. Artemy is also 100% the character I get to make the funniest, truly the comedian of the cast, I am putting him in the blender as I write this.
thank you again for this!! sorry with inflicting you with the thinking about it curse lol, it's happened to a few people as I've seen and idk how to fix that (I am also infected I cannot stop thinking abt this au) but this long ask really made me so happy to see and I'm so glad you're enjoying it!!
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Me convincing my Wheel of Time mutuals to read He Who Fights With Monsters: It's like if Mat Cauthon was the Dragon, and after every battle he was forced into court-ordered therapy to stop him from going crazy and destroying the world.
Me convincing my Discworld mutuals to read He Who Fights With Monsters: Half the book is ridiculous puns that hinge on obscure references you won't be able to understand without an encyclopedia, the other half is the most profound quotes you have ever read that imprint themselves onto your very soul. And three weeks later you will realize they are also puns.
Me convincing my Dirk Gently mutuals to read He Who Fights With Monsters: A bunch of losers and disasters learn to love themselves by loving each other, and discover that embracing their weirdness can save the world. Also, everything is connected.
Me convincing my Stargate mutuals to read He Who Fights With Monsters: Keep the adventure and the found family, but imagine that it isn't sponsored by the US military, so the characters are allowed to be gay and talk about their feelings like regular people.
Me convincing my MCU mutuals to read He Who Fights With Monsters: It's like if Age of Ultron never happened, and instead we got the Avengers Tower sitcom of our 2012 dreams.
Me convincing Tumblr at large to read He Who Fights With Monsters: The main characters are all wildly homoerotic and intensely shippable. There is canon representation from every part of the rainbow. Magic is structured in such a way that everyone is gorgeous, nobody poops, gay people can reproduce, furries are canon, and gender transition is virtually instantaneous. Imagine the fanfic potential!
If I have persuaded any of you, the first 13 chapters are free here:
The site has a fantastic interface, with font and formatting options. If you like what you read, you can get the amazingly narrated audiobooks on audible, the print copies on Amazon, or the e-reader on kindle. I highly recommend the audiobooks. The narrator brings a lot of depth to the characters, with the voices he uses and the level of emotion he puts in everything. I have never been able to pay attention to an audiobook before, but these ones are captivating.
#dirk gently's holistic detective agency#discworld#wheel of time#stargate#mcu#hwfwm#he who fights with monsters
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I LUV IT
Hi babies and dear Anons 👋🏼, me again 🙃. I posted a new Q&A yesterday, and @camrensrealbish (btw hi, bud 👋🏼😄) asked me in the comments if I could create a post just for I LUV IT's two analyses.
@camrensrealbish: “Hi Faby, I love the interpretation of I LUV IT. I luv it, I luv it, I luv it 👌😅. I think it explains so well that this era is not surface-level at all. That thought through lyricism and symbolism is definitely still here. And how we’re so eager to dismiss hyperpop as stupid and without substance, be it for our convictions about femininity or sexuality, or even caution because of how other people use women’s sexuality. But when done purposefully it just shows how showing someone’s sexuality in this way *can* be empowering and authentic. And I think this is the case here. Can you please post your song commentary in a separate post, please? I would like to share it properly 😘”.
I originally wanted to post the two analyses as I did here now, but I couldn't because Tumblr has limited the possibility of posting more than 30 pics and I don't know why the fuck 😤. So thank you, dear 🤗. You gave me the excuse to be able to do it 😉.
Enjoy 😊.
Hiii to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄. I hope you're good too and about your ask, sure 😉.
So. I LUV IT ft. Playboi Carti released on March 27, 2024, is the first single for her fourth LP: C, XOXO. It's a hyperpop/experimental pop song and it samples Lemonade by Gucci Mane and interpolates Cockiness (Love It) by my queen RiRi (Rihanna). The studio recording with Carti was completed on Dec 17, 2023: (Carti's instastory)
Let me tell you something, this song was meant to shock. She pulled a Yes, and? and it worked 😎. For those of you who don't know what I'm referring to by that, I meant that Yes, and? was Ariana Grande's single for her album Eternal Sunshine and it's a diva house/dance-pop song, which was a different and unexpected genre especially then comparing it to the rest of the songs in the album when it was later released. It's a great song, but if it weren't for the concept that connects to two other songs, it would have nothing to do with the rest of the album musically and sonically speaking. It was a calculated idea to make it different from the rest. It's very smart and it's a good strategy for both a comeback and an album. I feel like I LUV IT is exactly the same thing. An impactful comeback was needed and this, together with the platinum blonde and the new era in general, served the purpose. The song was meant to be talked about for better or for worse. And guess what? Mission accomplished 😜.
This song is not for everyone. There are those who loved it right away, those who hated it and still do, and there are those who hated it and then slowly loved it. In reality, most people hated it and then loved it 🤣. I personally didn't hate it but I didn't love it right from the start either, not gonna lie. I just liked it 🤷🏻♀️. But after the third listen? Bouncing ass, tongue out, aaaand I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it 🤣!! This song is definitely a grower! The more you listen to it, the more you become addicted to it 😍.
But anyway. Unlike the video, the lyrics talk about sex. So let's get started. Oh and, of course, I won't include Carti's mumbled Atlanta rap or as his fans say, the Cartinese, simply because he wrote his part.
***Btw, I can no longer listen to Carti’s “Oh, you on the road now? - Oh, you grown now? - Oh, you too grown now” without bursting out laughing 🤦🏻♀️🤣. I can't help but hear Nas' imitation of Carti's voice in the HE KNOWS music video🤣🤣🤣. For me, those three sentences have now become just one repeated X3: “Oh, you on the floor now” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣***
Oh oh oh, last thing before starting. If you're a prude, LEAVE NOW. Skip the whole lyric analysis and go straight to the music video analysis. The song is about sex like I just said and I therefore won't hold back from explaining certain things, okay? I warned you 🙋🏻♀️. I don't wanna see complaints in the comments as happened years ago. Thank you.
Song
Verse 1:
“Supersonic, in your orbit”
So, supersonic. One word from which two derive: super and sonic. Super: above the rest, better than the rest. Sonic: derived from the Latin ‘sonus’ which means sound. Super-sound. Basically a loud noise, a sound/sonic boom that (the actual meaning of supersonic:) breaks the acoustic barrier by traveling at a speed faster than the one of sound. A flight can be supersonic. As well as a missile and even a gun bullet.
An orbit is an ever-changing path one object in space takes around another. An unscientific example? A dog with its favorite toy often orbits their owner insistently because they want to play with them. Speaking from personal experience here 🤣.
***Oh and, lil fun fact. In prostitution specifically, orbit was, and perhaps still is, a code word for oral sex***
Ultimately, “Supersonic, in your orbit” means that Mila is this supersonic boom, this let's even say supersonic shock that orbits around her prey. As I've said many other times in my analysis, Mila likes to use wordplay in her songs and this is basically her artistic way of explaining sexual provocation. She's provoking her target.
“And I’m bad, diabolic”
It's giving intense energy and mischief out of the ordinary 😜. She knows she's good at it (provocation). She has a goal (to sleep with her) and succeeds because we have the aftermath of her intent in the next sentence.
“Bottle rocket, on the carpet”
Her favorite lyrics because many people didn't grasp the meaning 🤣. Definition of bottle rocket: a firework typically consisting of a cylindrical case that is partly filled with combustible material and fastened to a guiding stick which may be placed in a bottle to control the direction of the rocket's launch.
In this case, in sex, bottle rocket is the representation of cuming hard in an explosive way.
Rockets have a phallic shape, so the first thing that's assumed here is that it's the sperm that's on the carpet, also because the song acts as straight 🙄, but where's the deception? Even girls can give someone a bottle rocket. How? By being an explosion and not a normal female cum orgasm, with female ejaculation also known as squirting.
Ergo, she's talking about herself. This song is not about sex with a guy and I can even prove that with the next sentence.
“Threw it back and he caught it”
Round two, doggy-style position. Movements: “Threw it back” her ass “and she caught it” with the hands by placing it directly back on the face aka mouth-tongue (clue about the lil fun fact I mentioned earlier) or by directing the entrance of the cave of wonders on the dildo (since Camren loves toys so much 😜🤣🤭). But, given the “he” because, again, the song acts as straight 🙄, the meaning should make you think of the guiding on the dick. But no. As I said before, I can prove it.
When guys cum, it literally takes them a while before they can go again. Some need 10/15 minutes, others hours or directly the next day because they literally physically can't. It's rare anyway that they manage to go beyond the second round (unless they're in the midst of adolescence and are like 14/15 years old 🤣), and those who miraculously can make it, also last very little and their cum is also very little. And mind you, I'm not saying these things to belittle men. I'm not making anything up. It's the pure truth. Not only have I experienced it myself (cause yes, hi 👋🏼, I've been with my gf for 3 years but I'm bisexual and I've had relationships before her), but these are facts that you can even look up if you don't believe me.
It's obviously not the same for all guys and they're all different, but us girls literally need 5 seconds or nothing at all to recover, and we don't have limits like they do. Unlike males, we females can have multiple orgasms. Sexual arousal and orgasm are possible again right away. So no. It's impossible she was talking about a guy.
If she was really talking about a guy, it's impossible that immediately after his Bottle rocket, on the carpet (yet another proof that Mila was talking about her cuming, her squirting) he didn't need some enough available time for round two (Threw it back and he caught it). Let’s move on 💪🏼.
“I go soprano, baby, go down low”
Soprano in music is the highest note, so in this case, going soprano means she's screaming with pleasure. And in her euphoric state, she guides her partner back down there into her buried treasure.
“And when he leads, I gotta follow”
The movements. Like in dance. In partner dancing, there are those who lead and those who follow. They're designed roles to facilitate the movements. The one who leads manages the body of the one who follows and decides the dance steps and direction of travel from time to time.
The thing that makes me laugh about this part is the “when he leads”. “When” 🤣🤣🤣. Because she's the top and she's the one who leads most of the time because Laur's the bottom (even though they're both also switch) so when Lo leads, when, sometimes, occasionally, I gotta follow 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. Oh Mila 🤦🏻♀️🙈🤣.
“I’m blackin’ out, I’m on a spiral”
She feels out of control (spiral) because the ending is so beautiful that it almost makes her lose consciousness (blackin’ out).
“I need you now and tomorrow”
And forever.
I’d also like to add a deeper meaning of sex to I’m blackin’ out, I’m on a spiral – I need you now and tomorrow. Although she said the song is about sex, she also said:
“Part of that cocktail is also the emotional drama between you and that person, and the chaos and butterflies and nerves and passion. It’s unsustainable and not peaceful and exhausting, but also, I LUV IT.” – “Now I feel kind of lonely and small and weird, but at the same time, I’m an adult and I feel so strong in other areas of my life, but not this one. There’s just the wrestling of those feelings without it being kind of neat or in a box. You can’t really say that it’s a sad song, you can’t really pin it down. It’s just kind of me wrestling with these feelings and me kind of being really present on a particular feeling and exploring it. I feel like a lot of songs on the album are that”.
So going deeper, “I’m blackin’ out, I’m on a spiral” indicate her anxiety. Being on a spiral or simply spiraling, is an emotional state that rapidly worsens in a way that becomes increasingly difficult to control and often leads to short-term periods of anxiety or depression. Aka her OCD gets triggered. Which by the way, I remind you that for her leads to obsessions and repetitive thoughts. And in a certain way, we can also see it in the repetition of the same phrase in the chorus.
So here she's saying: 1) I’m blackin’ out, aka I'm going crazy, I'm freaking out (connection/thing that reminds me a lot of “Am I out of my head? Am I out of my mind?” Bad Things [analysis here (eleventh ask)]) 2) I’m on a spiral, aka I'm anxious, distressed, worried, fearful. Why? Because I don't wanna lose you aka 3): I need you now and tomorrow. This alludes to the desire for connection and intimacy that goes beyond sex.
Both meanings (sexual and deeper) however indicate the intensity of her uncontrollable and erratic emotions towards as she said “that person” Lauren. But she doesn't care. “It’s unsustainable and not peaceful and exhausting, but also, I…?” She…? She what? Sing it all together🎤🎵🎶👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼:
Chorus:
“I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it
I luv it, I luv it, I luv it
I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it
I luv it, I luv it, I luv it
I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it
I luv it, I luv it, ooh
I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it
I luv it, I luv it, I luv it”
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7…...
27. 27……
27 times, huh? 😜 What a wonderful coincidence! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 of all the numbers, precisely the 27. Would you look at that 🤣🤣.
No seriously tho. The words have to fit and respect the tempo of the song, but coincidence or not it's still funny for me 🤭.
Post-Chorus 1:
“Lemons on the chain with the V-cuts (X2)
Lemons in their face, watch ’em freeze up (x2)”
This part was sampled from the song Lemonade by Gucci Mane. Lemons are basically yellow diamonds (known as Canary Diamonds) cut/engraved in the shape of the letter V (an expensive method of cutting diamonds).
The meaning behind that would be that people would “freeze up” in shock at seeing this display of wealth and success, these lemons/diamonds, “in their face”s. They're oh so surprised and intimidated that they even freeze up for this luxury lifestyle thrown in their faces.
Umm………. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Do we really care? Of that? Okay 🤣. About something she didn't even write? Something that she literally took copied and pasted into the song? Pfft, okay. Can we move on? Thank you 🤣.
Verse 2:
“Super twisted, sick addicted”
Twisted: someone who's mentally or emotionally unhealthy or disturbed: sick. --> Sick addicted: someone who's unable to stop doing something as a habit. Ergo, she's saying that she likes/enjoys it a lot and wants to spend as much time as possible doing what they're doing: sex.
Nonsexual meaning: She's using strong words to describe not only herself but also what their relationship is like. They may be twisted, and addicted, and toxic, and all the other things we've seen in their songs, but no matter what, she/they LUV IT, cause they luuuv each other.
“Kiss me hard, someday you’ll miss this”
A dig for all those times they break up or take breaks.
“Meteor shower, in your power”
What's a meteor shower?
The meteor shower is nothing other than what we commonly call shooting stars. These are obviously not stars, but meteors. Meteors are the aftermath of asteroids and comets that ORBITATED the SUN.
Asteroids (celestial bodies composed of rocky bodies) and comets (celestial bodies composed of frozen gases) become meteoroids when they fragment. In turn, meteoroids ignite and disintegrate when they enter our solar system, becoming meteors, ergo shooting stars. Those that don't disintegrate and manage to touch the earth's ground instead become meteorites.
How does a meteor shower happen?
The meteor shower happens when the earth, in its ORBIT around the SUN, crosses an area in which fragments of rock and dust (meteoroids) lost from a comet or an asteroid (celestial bodies made of rock, dust, and ice coming from the outermost areas of the solar system) are concentrated. When an asteroid and a comet heat up as they pass close to the sun, they reach such temperatures that they fragment even more (meteoroids) and when these very tiny fragments enter our atmosphere, they ignite and burn due to friction by generally developing tails, luminous trails (shooting stars) until they vaporize or leave debris (meteorites) behind.
Lil fun fact: some meteorites found on earth come from the MOON 🤭🤣. Most come from destroyed comets and asteroids, but some come from Mars or the moon.
So, after this compelling little science lesson, I can explain what Mila means by “Meteor shower, in your power”.
It's very simple actually. A meteor shower is a celestial event. She's comparing their sex to this astronomical phenomenon, the “Meteor shower”. The “in your power” is due to the fact that Lo’s the one who’s leading as we saw in “And when he leads, I gotta follow” in the first verse.
“Seein’ stars, oh my God”
The retina sends light signals to the brain by making sparks, stars, or flashes of light appear in the visual field. When does this happen? It usually has to do with the head. You've made a movement too fast, like standing up suddenly, or you've been hit on the head, or you're about to lose consciousness, etc. These are all negative aspects, but we're talking about something positive here. Sex.
This amazing sex (Meteor shower), this second round (Threw it back and she caught it), brings her to another orgasm (maybe even another Bottle rocket 🤷🏻♀️😏) during which she feels so bewildered, so dizzy, and she experiences this very surreal feeling that overwhelmed her by even Seein’ stars during it. Seein’ stars: to climax, to achieve orgasm.
This can very well be connected with ““I’m blackin’ out, I’m on a spiral” She feels out of control (spiral) because the ending is so beautiful that it almost makes her lose consciousness (blackin’ out)” that I explained earlier.
Oh and, the “oh my God” was her, um 🤣, comment, to express that ending if it wasn't already obvious enough 🤣.
Bridge:
“Slow down, baby”
All of Playboi Carti's “Uh, uh, uh, uh” before Mila's “Slow down, baby”, at least to me, indicate the thrust of the act. Again, he “sings” them to prove the song is straight 🙄, but we know the truth. Anyway. The “Slow down, baby” means exactly that. Either Mila's settling down from the end of round two and needs a tiny bit more time to go as fast as they were going before, or she simply wants this third round to go at a slower pace than the previous one, or better yet, Slow down, baby like in ‘stop, it's my turn now’ (to lead).
Another proof that this doesn't talk about sex with a guy. As I said before, it's rare for guys to get beyond 2 rounds, so let alone a third one 🤣. Sorry, not sorry, but it's literally the truth 🤣.
And that's it. I luv the fact that Camila's lyrics in this song talk about sex but she uses words that still perfectly capture the magnetic attraction between the two of them. I luv how she's quite unapologetic about it. And I LUUUV how she also used these cosmic references in general, but above all, how they anyway hide in a certain way the two important celestial bodies in our sky and solar system: their representation, aka the moon and the sun.
Now let's move on to the music video where everything that could go wrong happens 👍🏼🤣. What is she trying to convey here? Let's find out.
Music video
Opening scene. A Robin Hood wannabe who takes coins from his pocket.
Three empty stationary police cars in a driveway while an aspiring lumberjack cop is, for what initially appears to be, cutting down a tree to prepare for winter.
KhaleesiMila enters the scene 5 seconds before she starts singing. She looks like she just came back home from the night before given her outfit and her slightly messy hair. But not her makeup. The makeup is perfect of course because it's still a music video 😉.
She enters the kitchen with a chocolate cake in one hand while with the other she nonchalantly tosses her heels in a spot where it's very usual for us girls to leave them 🤣: at the doorway or in the bedroom on the kitchen counter.
She starts singing and eating a piece of chocolate cake at the same time.
At the same moment as the first bite of the cake, we have a really well-done perfect transition of her spitting her mouthguard out in a somewhat snobbish but challenging and provocative way because she's ready to fight against a professional female wrestler.
Soon after we have a 3-second split shot of her chewing the cake in the kitchen again and her and Carti in the gas station, before cutting to a long one where we have the reappearance of the archer from the opening scene.
From this moment on, all the small shots, the little introductions that we initially had, are explained a little bit more extensively with longer scenes and shots. Still messy 🤣, but longer.
Hospital part 1
Now that we see the surroundings, we notice how Legolas wannabe is in the corridor of a hospital and that the coins he took from his pocket in the opening scene, he needed them to get something like a chocolate bar from the vending machine. After taking it, he walks back to a white-dressed Mila who's sitting with an arrow in her heart.
A flash passed before my eyes and for a moment I was back in 2019. Why? Liar. The cover art picture of the song portrays her as an angel with wings.
Camila explained that Cupid strikes her with his bow to make her fall from heaven and unmask her, by making her not so angelic anymore because she's actually a liar who's hiding something, that is a secret [hmm, I wonder which one 😏😎🤫🤐🤣]. This whole story created for the song inspired the visual for the entire album Romance (whole album inspired by the surrealism of a museum of love stories in heaven).
So I asked myself, what is this? A connection to Romance but direct to Liar? No. I'd say more that she paid homage to it since even though the lyrics are about sex, the ideology of the video is about their toxic relationship and how she knows it's toxic but she LUVs IT anyway.
Anyhow, I guess that at the arrow in the heart scene, you all thought that the Green Arrow wannabe was Cupid. Same thing here, mostly because of the connection with Liar. I initially thought: “Oooh, it's Cupid! Cupid shot her with his arrow, ergo she's in love. But she's lovesick, and because of this the hospital: love - sick”. Then I saw the whole scene (plus the ending which I'll explain, well, at the end 🤣) and I realized: “Nope. Not Cupid. Not Cupid at all. Hi, Lauren 👋🏼”.
***Let's be clear. This is a music video. A creative and imaginative way of portraying objects, people, and scenarios in general. Yes, it's Camila's POV, but Lauren isn't that bitchy and dickish in real life. Okay? Every artist does it. It's art. Literally, as the word implies.***
So, back to the scene. Rewind. Lauren Hawkeye wannabe takes the candy bar from the vending machine and goes back to Mila. *This is the point where I got to before.* He doesn't even look at her. He just sits. Contrary to her who follows him with her gaze as he sits down and she also turns her head to look at him one more time before looking straight ahead.
That chocolate bar or whatever the fuck it is, it's not even for her. He took it for himself without even having the thought of taking it for her or taking something for her as well. I mean he's like, he's there for her. He went with her and he accompanied her also because he hit her with an arrow. Like yeah, we know that. We can see that. But even though he's there for her, he at the same time doesn't acknowledge or address her at all. He's just there. Present and not. Waiting for her turn.
While she, even smiles with her mouth closed as he's returning to her, but it's a smile I'd say forced. A kind of smile that masks how uncomfortable she feels. It's a wan smile that shows no energy or enthusiasm. It's a stoical ‘grin-and-bear-it because you're used to it after all’ kind of expression. That smile alone makes you understand how ‘normal’ this situation is for her. She's so used to it that it's a standard routine for her. It doesn't come as a surprise.
In a situation like this one, in a hospital, with an arrow in the chest/heart, anger or pain or both reactions are what you expect to be shown by her. But no. She's just there. Waiting for her turn.
Meaning behind this? The arrow in the heart represents a metaphorical way to express the idea that love can be both powerful and overwhelming, capable of causing joy and pain in equal measure. In this case however, the arrow in the heart doesn't represent a tender sweet and romantic symbol of Cupid and Valentine's Day. It represents a heart-piercing emotional pain. In this case, that arrow is nothing more than a heart-stopping arrow through the heart.
Fight & Dogs
In the next scene we have the professional female wrestler again. Like when she spat her mouthguard out in the opening brief shot, Mila continues to have this defiant attitude *she’s so hot there btw 🤤🥵*.
She shows herself as very self-confident with this superior aura and this cockiness that gives off an ‘I can kick your ass’ vibe. All of this flies out the window the moment the wrestler makes her move against her and Mila shits in her pants and starts running away 🤣.
At the same time that she starts running, we have another perfect transition of a running dog.
Then we have another very brief shot of her continuing to eat the cake in the kitchen, before alternating the fight with the wrestler and not just one dog running randomly, but her being chased by no less than three dogs 🤣.
These two scenes are connected on the part of running for your life. Literally as far as the dogs are concerned 🤣. And speaking of the dogs, the scene represents the danger and risks of being in love with someone. It represents all the feelings of chaos that go along with it. It represents feeling afraid and helpless with a constant internal battle of anxiety and fear. Being chased by dogs is stressful, scary, and unpleasant, BUT, it's even adrenaline-pumping and the depiction of it, is basically like an excited nightmare that represents not knowing where things are leading. Running into the unknown. She's scared but she does it anyway because the journey is electrifying.
Going back and talking about the scene with the wrestler, the running scared to avoid the actual physical fight is the representation of avoiding the confrontation. And that's something we know Mila does thanks to both her and Lauren. We also know this because in 2016 she herself said that she avoids conflicts with people. It's a vice/bad habit that she's always had.
BUT, no matter how much she tries to run away and avoid this confrontation, it always happens. Sooner or later, she eventually always finds herself having to face the problem unwillingly or not. The representation of this in the video is when she's captured. We actually see this section almost at the end of the video after Carti’s “🎵tursin-eh-oh-and-halloh-eh-halloh-eh-halloh-I'm out o-controool🎵” 🤣🤣🤣. We see the wrestler chasing and catching Mila, which leads to the headlock wrestling move.
Now let's talk about this section with the headlock that we see both at the end and currently in the first chorus of the part of the video where we are. Specifically this one here. We see several headlocks in sequence, but the one I want to focus on is the second one, where the wrestler is enacting the chokehold with only one arm.
Like, umm… 🤭 The way you caress her arm and look at her, and the way you sing “I luv it” with your tongue sticking out in that seductive way 🔥.
I mean... Mila, honey…😏 I see you! 🤣
No wonder in the BTS of the video she said: “I've been the most excited for this scene all day”. Hmm 🤔, I wonder why is that 🤣🤣🤣. Just as I'm not surprised by the other clue she gave in the interview with Bru On The Radio when talking about the scene: “It's like a little homoerotic. It's cool! But um- * she bursts out laughing by looking to the side* -yeah”.
Homoerotic: 1) (especially of art, literature, drama, or the like) using symbolism, allusions, situations, etc., that invoke sexual attraction or activity between people of the same gender. Example: There's definitely some homoerotic subtext in that book. 2) having sexual attraction to people of one's own sex or gender, especially when that attraction is repressed. Example: To say a man has a “streak of lavender” means that he has homoerotic desires. 3) relating or involving sexual activity between people of the same sex. Specifically: marked by, revealing, or portraying sexual desire between people of the same sex.
I have nothing else to add, Your Honor. I have nothing else to add 😎🤣.
No but seriously now. She doesn't act that way during the other headlocks. In those, she tries to fight back and somehow defend herself by trying to free herself. We see her react in a rather normal way to that type of situation. But in that particular hold? Nope 🤣. We can see how much she likes it. How attracted and aroused she is. The reactions she has during the other headlocks represent her external side, what really happens and what she lets see. While in that particular one, we see the toxicity of what happens in her inner part. The “I luv it” to the choking which on a larger scale, represents her toxicity in loving the pain. Even though they're fighting and she hates the confrontation and is in pain, she LUVs IT anyway because she luvs HER.
***Mind you that this is only an additional representation and seen in a more generic way. I don't see it as fitting to the theme of the music video as much as the one I've already explained to you now.*** A broader meaning could also be the representation of how the love for Lauren is so strong that she can't fight it. We've seen this other times in the lyrics of songs like This Love [analysis here (the penultimate ask)] and Señorita [analysis here (the last ask)] where Mila was having an inner struggle because, on the one hand, she wanted to protect her feelings, and on the other, she couldn't resist her. Ergo, the scene where she tries to fight this love, the professional wrestler, but she loses and thus is ultimately defeated.
House
Next scene we have her continuing to eat the chocolate cake plus this guy who comes in and rides around her house on his motorcycle and she does nothing.
Let's dwell for a moment on her eating.
Where have we seen something like this before (besides the reality of everyday life)? In every damn movie and TV show since forever 🤣. Someone is sad for some X reason like they had a fight with someone, or they're going through a breakup, and what do they do? They eat either something chocolate or ice cream. 90% of the time it's something chocolate related. Why? Because when consumed, it releases endorphins in the brain that produce a mild feeling of euphoria by mimicking the feeling of being in love. This is why chocolate is called the love drug. It gives comfort and joy and when we're down, we emotionally crave chocolate because we're unsatisfied with something.
Her eating chocolate cake in this case is an indication of unsatisfied desires and emotional needs.
Now let's go back to the guy with the motorcycle. He's destroying everything in his path and she's simply there, munching on her cake unbothered.
He's causing a mess but she doesn't even try to stop him. She doesn't get angry, she doesn't scream, nothing. And why? Because as I said before by talking about that type of smile in the hospital, this situation is ‘normal’ for her. She doesn't react simply because she's used to it. The chaos of their relationship doesn't surprise her also because, I mean, it's been years and years.
The house depicts her head and what happens in it. Him destroying the house is a representation of how she sees his bringing chaos into her life and their relationship. On a deeper level, her not reacting to the destruction of the house represents the fact that she's so in love that she ignores bad and toxic behaviors. The whole scene represents the toxicity and destruction that a relationship can bring into your life but you keep trying because you LUV IT. Lauren brings love, happiness, passion, euphoria, but she also brings chaos which also encompasses mess, confusion, disarray, whether all good or bad. We also saw this type of example in the lyrics of Consequences [analysis here (penultimate ask)].
Successively we have a mix of scenes, among which are the cop one of the opening scene, the car one, and the bathroom one.
Palm tree
We can finally see that this aspiring lumberjack cop is chopping this palm tree because Camila is on top of it.
Now, I have two interpretations for this. The palm tree represents Lauren/their toxic love in both interpretations.
N° 1, she's stuck on the tree. Being stuck represents her way of saying that there's no way out of their toxic relationship even though someone (represented by the cop) or more than someone (since there are 3 police cars even though we only see one cop) tries to get her out of this situation.
N° 2, the one I see as the most truthful, the most right one. She's not stuck on the tree. Mila is Walzing it 🤣🤣🤣 (for those who don't know, Dinah used to call Mila ‘Walz’ and here you can find the reason why the nickname was born). Her koalaing the tree also represents her co-dependence. She's clinging to it and doesn't want to let go.
She's on the very high point of the tree; visual meaning: danger. If she were to fall, she would die or be seriously injured. But she doesn't care. She's ready to risk her life. Deeper for the representation: her love is so strong, that she's ready to risk it (“I'll risk it all”, as we've already seen in Used to This [part of the interpretation that you can find in the analysis of Only Told the Moon here]). She's ready to risk everything/risk it all even if she were to lose her heart and if it were to affect even her mental and physical health as we've already seen in the lyrics of Consequences.
Even in this case, the cop represents someone or more than someone in her life who tries to get her out of this situation. They use extreme ways to do this, representative of getting her down: cutting down the tree. Why? Why doesn't this cop who clearly knows that this person is experiencing some kind of problem call the fire truck to bring a ladder to save her since that's what's normally done in these situations? Or he doesn't go directly and find one himself? Why doesn't he talk to her and try to reason with her to get her down?
Because it's not the first time this has happened. The cop (her family, her friends) is so used to and tired of seeing their on-again, off-again/cycle/loop/circle, that he decides to help her in a more brutal way in this case. Representation: chopping down the tree. It doesn't matter tho. It doesn't matter that other people try to help her in hard ways. She doesn't wanna lose her, and therefore she depicts how even though she knows it's a toxic relationship, she's clinging (codependent) to it and continues to love her because she doesn't want to depart/separate herself no matter what. Reason why we even see her singing “I luv it” while she’s glued to the tree.
Car
Speaking of falling (and how these two scenes are connected). Instead of that tree, here we see her having fallen over a car. Part of the car is destroyed, as is she. It's a representation of being in love and how it can sometimes destroy you. But again, we even see her singing “I luv it” because she doesn't care.
She doesn't care about falling and being crushed by/for her. They've taken a lot of risks over the years. They've suffered, they've hurt each other, and they've fallen down and gotten up every single time. And those wounds, in the video are represented as real wounds with cuts, bruises, gashes, and all that jazz.
She doesn't even care when we, the public and the fans, see her destroyed like that. We've seen it many times, especially after years and years spent growing up in the public eye. By this, I'm obviously referring to the woman who's immortalizing the scene with her phone.
Although that, it's also a representation of what would actually happen in today's world: instead of helping or calling an ambulance, the woman is filming or taking pics.
Bathroom & Bedroom
Contrary to the connection that the tree and the car scenes have, this one is connected to the ones of the dogs and the professional female wrestler.
We first see her in the bathroom. She looks in the mirror and even lifts her shirt up to look at her belly. Let's say normal things that we all do, and so far, nothing strange. Then we also see her perplexed and undecided tho (when she sighs with her finger in her mouth). And we see her rehearsing. We see her change her expression to a determined one and make the gun gesture with the fingers of her hand.
***Sorry but I have to tell you guys 🤣🤣🤣. I found it extremely funny how she made the gun gesture with her fingers precisely at “someday you’ll miss this”. THIS and bam: fingers out 😏😎🤣.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry 🤣🤣 one day she'll miss, what, Mila? Your gay fingers?🤣🤣🤣 Oooooookay 😉🤣***
Back to normal. All that represents her mentally preparing herself, and for what? For what we then see in the bedroom. Before heading there, we can see her expression of determination but more importantly, we can see her pissed-off expression.
She walks into the bedroom with this imaginary automatic machine gun that she uses to shoot and destroy the bed. As she does that, the footage also shows us the rest of the room, and what do I spy with my little eye 🧐? A frame hanging on the wall. And what's in that frame? Five boys with the word ‘sorry’ written on their backs.
Wait a second, wait a second… FIVE???? 😲 Five as a reference to Fifth Harmony? 😱 Five as in 5H because it's a hidden clue to confirm that she's talking about Lauren? 🤯 WHAAAAAT??? 😵
Yes, guys, yes. For those who haven't noticed, the answer is yes. Camila doesn't do things shittily. There's always meaning in the things she does, whether it's hidden or not. And if anyone tries to tell you otherwise or something different about that clue, don't be fooled. Why 5? Explain the 5 otherwise? They could've used a thousand different things like, for example, an apology/sorry note left on the bedside table, or even just one guy with sorry on his back in that frame since all of this is supposed to be straight and about a guy 🙄. But no. They used FIVE of them specifically.
Moving on.
The rehearsals she was doing in the bathroom that we later saw lead to the destruction of the bed with the imaginary automatic machine gun, were all due to Mila being pissed off about something Laur had done. Something we know thanks to the not-so-hidden apology message in the frame. Now I don't know about you 🎤🎶but I'm feeling 22 🎶🎤 sorry but I had to 🤣 but I know that even though Camila is magical, she doesn't really have powers 🤣. So even though this is the representation of her being pissed at Lo, she didn't actually shoot the bed. It was all in her head. She was just imagining doing it. Yeah, she was angry, but we also know that she'd run away in reality to try to avoid conflicts as we saw in the scene with the dogs and in the scene with the wrestler (aka Laur herself), during which, however, we also saw that the wrestler captures her and that therefore Mila was then forced to face.
Hospital part 2
During the mix of these three scenes (Palm Tree - Car - Bathroom & Bedroom) just discussed, we have two small shots of Mila in the hospital. The first during “oh my God” and the second during “I luv it”.
We see her looking in one direction before saying “oh my God”. It's an exasperated “oh my God” because no one's assisting her yet.
She sings “I luv it” by tapping her finger to her temple in rhythm but we can see how impatient she's starting to get for the wait. Yeah, she luvs it, she luvs it, she luvs it, she luvs it, she luvs it, she luvs it, she luvs it, but she's irritated and frustrated.
Gas station
Mila and her friends pull over into this gas station. A guy with long hair immediately approaches to serve them, but instead of refueling the car as we normally expected, he does it to them. He takes the pump and fills their glasses with gasoline, even though we know very well that it was actually nothing more than “some disgusting water-down apple juice”, according to Mila herself.
All this during “Lemons on the chain with the V-cuts (X4) - Lemons in their face, watch ’em freeze up (x4)” Oh well, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade Camila Cabello drinks gasoline 🤣.
Sorry, sorry 🤣. Joking aside now.
Drinking alcohol produces euphoria. It's stimulating, exciting, and lowers inhibitions and control. It's intoxicating, and although this word usually indicates something positive, it can also represent something negative especially when associated with alcohol. Drinking alcohol is intoxicating in a good way, but if done too much, it's intoxicating in a harmful way. In this case, alcohol is the representation of another hyperbolic metaphor. It's yet another concept represented in an exaggerated way. Gasoline, fuel, or whatever the hell it was, is obviously toxic. Ingesting it is dangerous. It's yet another representation of their toxic relationship and tendencies and how she doesn't care going against all common sense because she LUVs IT.
There would also be another possible meaning behind this scene due to Playboi Carti's verse. He talks about drugs (Novocaine and Mary Jane), luxury cars (Lamborghini Aventador SVJ), and rebellious life in general.
Novocaine is a drug used as a local anesthetic normally by dentists. Mary Jane is the literal English translation of the name Marijuana. Spanish: Maria/Mari. English translation: Mary. Spanish: Juana. English translation: Jane. Ergo, Marijuana: Mary Jane. In the past when drug users talked about marijuana, they called it Mary Jane so as not to arouse police suspicion.
I explained all this because specifically his talk about drugs made me think of a different possible meaning behind this scene. You see in the US, many drug dealers operate out of gas stations. Mila and her friends are getting gas at the gas station. In slang, ‘gas’ is a noun made popular by rappers to refer to weed/marijuana.
It might be that the scene has both meanings. Alcohol for her and drugs for him. Who knows 🤷🏻♀️. Maybe we would've seen it for real if Carti hadn't arrived late for the video shoot. But anyway.
Right after that, we have the dance scene. I have two interpretations for that even here. Both true.
The first one: Don't expect me to say sweet and predictable things like that she's dancing hypnotized because she's drunk on love 🤣. Nope. The blindfold is supposed to represent how blinded she is by love and shit, right? The typical phrase ‘love is blind’ that makes someone unable to see the flaws of the person they love. True, but at the same time in her case, bullshit tho. Buuuullshit! Because we saw throughout the video how she's aware of everything.
She chose to put the blindfold on and dance freely whether it's just for fun or distraction or to literally dance the pain away. She chose to put it on to ‘not see’ the flaws, the toxicity, and all the negative things. She knows. She knows they're there. It's just her choice to ignore them because, once again, she doesn't care because she luvs it and her.
The second one: Based on the getting gas in the previous shot, whether it's just alcohol or whether it's also marijuana, that's why right after that scene we see Carti with his hoodie backwards (it's literally backwards, look closely) before he starts singing and Mila and the girls dancing together blindfolded with X’s over their eyes.
It represents the beginning of the effect. 😵: literally the dizziness of drunkenness and/or stonedness. In a deeper way, it represents love being a drug/addiction to live to the fullest (dancing).
Again whether it's just alcohol or weed, that's also the reason why at the end of the video they're both comfortable and relaxed in eating calmly as if they don't have a care in the world (despite the video being completely the opposite). Both alcohol and weed increase hunger and appetite, sometimes leading to strange and uncontrollable cravings. That represents half to almost the end of the effect.
Hospital part 3
She's still waiting. She's still waiting for someone to help her remove that fucking arrow from her chest. The whole reason she's been there waiting for probably hours. Nurses even walk past in front of her but still no one assists her. As before, she's still annoyed, but now she's also discouraged and sad. Not only that, but the male version of a Katniss Everdeen wannabe is also gone. Representation of a breakup or one of their breaks. Mila's alone, and suddenly, the wound begins to bleed.
In this case, the arrow through her heart symbolizes feeling emotionally hurt. Since loving someone is not always a walk in dreamland, but it also consists of twists and turns and can really fucking hurt you, here we see how her heart starts dripping blood. The bleeding can also represent how toxic relationships leave you in the end. Again, love is pain but she LUVs IT.
Thing more important, the wound begins to bleed because she's no longer with her. It didn't do it the entire time Laur was with her, but her heart started to bleed in pain only after she left. Representation of how her heart, although already wounded (arrow) by her/for her, cannot bear to be without her (bleeding). As I also explained in my This Love’s interpretation, the choice over the years has often been between having her and suffering, or not having her at all, and as we know, she always chose her.
The end
So, that was the music video. It gave me Miami and Florida. It gave me GTA and crack house feelings 🤣. It gave me wildness and adrenaline. It gave me roller coaster. It gave me college students traveling for the holidays/Spring Breakers movie. *For those who don't know what I'm talking about 👇🏼*
Especially here with this promo.
*Last minute edit: she just said Spring Breakers is one of the inspired aesthetics for the new era*
She in specific, gave me addicted to pain. She gave me impulsiveness. She gave me a fast-paced lifestyle, full of passion, desire, and disregard for consequences. She gave me vibe. She gave me boujee. She gave me dance. She gave me actress and humor as has also happened in other videos in the past (although less than those ones) such as for example Havana, Liar, My Oh My, Bam Bam, Don’t Go Yet, etc. (it's not the first time Camila's been in ridiculous situations in her videos). She gave me chaos begets chaos, and in order to maintain sanity, one must embrace the insanity. Or in her case, a palm tree 🤣🤣🤣.
I mean, all in all and in its complexity, I really enjoyed it. She said the theme of the video is chaos and danger, and we saw that. In the interview with Bru On The Radio, still talking about the video, she said: “This complex feeling of loving the pain of something, or loving the messiness of something, or loving the chaos of something, really kind of like finding the beauty in that part of our humanity”. And we saw that too.
And as if it wasn't clear enough already, the video is an artistic representation of the toxic tendencies and behaviors of their toxic relationship in general throughout all these years. And yes, their as in both of them, not just her as in Lauren's. I told you guys in the beginning that it's Camila's POV and I explained that Lauren isn't that bitchy and dickish in real life, but we don't just see Laur's toxic tendencies and behaviors from Mila's POV in the video. We actually see Mila's a lot more. Let me explain.
We saw how Laur brings chaos into Mila's life and their relationship (house scene). She's hurt her (shot her with an arrow through the heart), she doesn't acknowledge her in the hospital, and she also leaves at the end. The leaving her there (breakup or break) in those conditions as well as not taking something for her too from the vending machine is a neglect; another trait of a toxic relationship. That's all. That's what we see as far as Lauren is concerned. Mila on the other hand…
She's the one who's unbothered, especially in the beginning, in having an arrow in her heart, aka being hurt. She's the one who doesn't react when Lo destroys the house, aka when Laur has toxic behavior towards her. Still her the one who runs away from her problems so as not to face them and avoids conflicts (dogs and wrestler). In fact, if that's why, I wanna put in a good word for Laur in this case since she fights her by forcing her to confront her, aka talk about their problems. Still Mila the one who uses an imaginary automatic machine gun to shoot and destroy the bed symbolically in her head just because she’s angry with her. She's the one who crashes herself on top of a car and risks her life on other occasions with the dogs, the palm tree, and by drinking gasoline. I mean, see what I mean?
Who's the most toxic one we see here? And again, this is just a video. Not the reality. I feel like I always have to specify these things with you guys because one never knows you misinterpreted it 🤣. But anyway. I'm happy Mila did it. I'm happy that Mila represented even her toxicity since for many years due to her songs people only and always blamed Lauren. It's something I've been saying for years 💁🏻♀️. They both have their faults. There are two people in the couple and there are always two sides to a story. Not just one.
In any case, that's it, dear Anon. I hope you enjoyed both analysis 🙃.
🤸🏻♀🤸🏻♀🤸🏻♀🤸🏻♀🤸🏻♀🤸🏻♀🤸🏻♀🤸🏻♀🤸🏻♀🤸🏻♀🤸🏻♀🤸🏻♀
Aaand I'm done 👅. Thank you all for your asks and I hope I've been helpful this time too 🙃. As usual, I'm always available for those who have questions, so ask away 😄.
Remember to be nice. Always. Both with others and with yourselves. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. Don't let our ship sink. Keep shipping them, but please respectfully 🙏🏼. Sending you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗. I love you, babies. Always with love, F ❤️.
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I really want to just talk about what is best for Carol and Daryl.
@itsmymeaningoflife got me thinking about this a lot with their perfect post a little while back. I love my job, but I get a lot of thinking time.
Sometimes I see people say they just want Caryl to stay friends. And I think, it doesn't matter what you want. The most important thing in all of this, is what do Carol and Daryl want? What do they need? What's best for them?
It's pretty obvious that Caryl need each other. They are miserable without each other. But how is their need for something beyond friendship measured?
First, individually:
1. Carol does not want to be alone. This is echoed numerous times throughout the series. In Indifference she tells Rick that she stayed with Ed because she didn't want to be alone. She enters two unfulfilling relationships, and then she sits with Daryl, in friendship, in Bonds, and tells him that he doesn't have to be alone. Because to her, being alone is unacceptable. She loves him and she wants him to be happy. And, as many Carylers have pointed out, they both do not think they are good enough for, or could offer, the other, what they need. This is why ending the series with Carol alone is kinda unfulfilling. Where is her fulfullment. Where is her romance novel? Where's her happy ending? He's in France.
2. Daryl doesn't want to be alone either. He needs freedom, he needs to not be manipulated, and he needs connection on his own terms. He has sought connection in various ways throughout the series. He joins the group in the farmhouse after Carol speaks to him. He returns to the prison with Merle. But interestingly, he can't make a commitment to Leah, not until after Carol tells him she won't be able to visit anymore (as many Carylers pointed out). Daryl needs physical intimacy as well, he craves it, and we know it's been a journey for him to get there. And the most loving and positive, unconditional and consistent physical intimacy he has received throughout the show, has been from Carol.
So to tie in the romantic element, as a rewatch Caryler (made it all the way to S6 before picking up the vibe and rewatching), I think it's undeniably in the material already. I've studied it. It's fascinating. Lots of subtle.
For Daryl (for me), it's Daryl checking Carol out in What Lies Ahead.
Didn't even know it existed until I stumbled onto Tumblr. Thanks Carylers 🙏. Because apparently he's also revving for a little attention? And Carol's kind of oblivious to it.
This man is just honestly staring at her all the damn time, but there is nothing else but pure attraction going on with this early neck crane. It's undeniable. Don't deny reality.
For Carol (again, for me), it's much more subtle, if we say she's just joking and teasing. On the bus. When she says she liked him first. Whenever she calls him pookie. When she flutters her eyelashes at him.
No, it's this position that I keep harping on about, that she adopts in his cell, that I am telling you is undeniable attraction. The body language that says "i am a delicate yet formidable force, come get me," or whatever, to that effect. She's not joking anymore. She just lost him and he came back. They are having a very serious conversation here. But maybe she's not even aware she's doing it? I think she knows she's doing it. This is serious, undeniable flirtation. Immediately following Daryl's return to the prison. Right after he left and devastated her. And Daryl's kind of oblivious to it.
So the attraction was there from the beginning, and is then recalled and echoed into the later seasons in so many stunning moments. But their timing sucked for the entire duration of the show. Daryl wasn't ready. Rick banished Carol. Lizzie had to look at the flowers. Daryl blamed himself for Beth, Glenn, Rick. Carol had to deal with Alpha.
Caryl are all unsaid things. Gestures, body language, hesitation, tone of voice, longing looks, inside jokes. And these two scenes ^^ (and Daryl's constant staring) in particular, just cannot a platonic coupling make.
The point of all of this rambling was, what do Carol and Daryl want?
1. They need to know the other is okay.
2. They need to be with each other, they can only manage a certain amount of time apart. They do better together.
3. Carol wants a romantic relationship that is real, not a fairytale. She wants to wake up in the arms of the man she loves.
4. Daryl wants to continue to stare longingly at Carol until the end of time.
So I think we can surmise that a normal, happy ending, with them waking up together, is what is best for these two, though unlikely something they have even allowed themselves to shape entirely in their minds, as something that they not only want, but need. Being held, unrestrained staring, knowing each other is safe, being together. They deserve that.
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*sorry I think my ask cut off the first bit here so I'm sending it again (Haladriel reminds me of Darklina, in the sense that both characters are so loved by me individually and the dynamic is fascinating, but as an actual ship in fandom? I have to navigate through the misogynist takes that are reducing the female character to a trophy)
I saw this in the haladriel tag on x and I think I pinned down the reason why there are certain people who can't handle dark ships and won't stop invalidating them by screaming about abuse/misogyny. It's because in their minds, they take things very concretely, not being able to 'read between the lines', and thus it's hard for them to really think in abstract ways. They just can't divorce fictional characters from actual problems in society. Don't get me wrong, there is a parallel between them that exists as a fine line, and we should absolutely call some things out. But in the realm of fictional characters, shipping, and make believe? That's strictly a 'them/individual' problem, not an 'us' problem. There are SO many haladriel shippers. We get so many fanart by talented people, many of whom haven't even heard of Tolkien. Are they supporting misogyny or have they had to 'navigate thru misogynist takes' in order to draw two characters together because they like their dynamic? It's not our fault that these canon police antis can't separate fiction from reality, and see every aggression toward a female character (unless it's by another female character, or it's a m/m relationship) as misogyny, while ignoring actual inequality in societies around us, as well as ignoring the truth that men can also become victims of abuse/violence. It all goes back to the funny hypocrisy of touting a beloved female character with admirable traits like strong, fierce, powerful, but the instant a male character challenges her and shows any kind of aggression at her - because spoiler alert, he's a villain, it's literally how he was written - these canon police antis whine about misogyny instead of just saying they don't see what shippers see in a fictional pairing and leave it at that. Like, it's ok, you don't need a reason to not like a pairing. The funny thing is, for all their fascination on Galadriel and Sauron as individuals, they fail to comprehend Sauron's character beyond what is stated in black and white in front of them (going back to the concrete vs abstract thinking). I'm not even a huge fan of Charlie, and even I can understand the 'seeing Gal as a trophy' bit is just a very simplified jest at the comparison to Morgoth and the Silmarils. If they actually bothered to read more of his interviews, it's very clear he sees her as beyond just that. Oh, she's just another ring to him basically? Ok but then why do I keep hearing cosmic connection spoken by him anytime Galadriel is brought up in interviews? Cosmic connection flew over this person's head like a frisbee.
I hope you don't mind me saying I never liked Darklina 🙈 I don't know if it's because I wasn't a big fan of the show in general, of because of the actor I found too pretty, or the dynamic in general... It just never worked for me.
I'm probably significantly older than most Tumblr users, old enough to remember how Mulder and Scully shippers were shamed and mocked when Internet and forums barely started to be a thing anyway 🤣 If you ever heard of X Files or even better, watched it, you know that there isn't a ship that's more vanilla than this one. And yet shippers were being mocked for seeing romance where there was only "platonic friendship" (joke on them, 9 years later Mulder and Scully were endgame), when we weren't told that "Scully deserved better" because "Mulder was abusive towards her
Shippers were always made fun to and it'll never stop, I'm afraid. I've stopped caring about what anyone has to say about a fictional romance I like tbh. I don't know if you use social media such as Reddit and Twitter, as far as I m concerned avoiding these places help a lot. Haters don't seem aware of Tumblr's existence, and I pray every day that they remain ignorant because I really like it here 💜
The best we can do is to keep having fun with what we love... That won't change these idiot's minds, but it will probably piss them off ;)
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so my elonian shapeshifter sylvari right. the siblings im always rotating the most are Maelgwyn/Rhosyn/Llacheu/Kynwyl.
i dont think ive talked about this here on tumblr actually
but maelgwyn was so fucking irritated by kynwyl intially, like. gwynnie is a reclusive/private quiet type, he had a really hard time accepting being a firstborn, actually. cause he thought his tree was dead this whole time. the entire past 2 decades. and then he's got Rhosyn being curious and bubbly (about everything not gwyn alone), this cynical prick that seems to hate everything. he just ignores the both of them. and then kynwyl.
kynwyl who is "born" the man maelgwyn spent the past 2 decades trying to become. pretending to be. maelgwyn isnt as earnestly kind or honest or charismatic as kynwyl. maelgwyn isnt able to dust himself off and get back up after a fuck up as seamlessly as kynwyl is. maelgwyn had depressive spirals often maelgwyn hides himself away he doesnt understand emotions he doesnt know how to cope in a healthy way he doesnt have the answers. he thinks of himself as two different aspects. Maelgwyn, and The Desert Beast
maelgwyn is pathetic and unlovable. maelgwyn is a failure who for some reason cant stop fighting despite it all. maelgwyn doesnt let himself hope anymore. He follows his path. he keeps going. for no reason. he wont accept that his real reason is that he hopes, deep down, knows. that it will get better. he'll make it better. no matter how much or how little support he has. whats the other option? lay down and die? neither maelgwyn or the the desert beast would do that.
the desert beast is a ruthless blood money mercenary. someone maelgwyn became to secure a reputation in harsh conditions, with no connections, for a future. any future. he chose becoming a bounty hunter because it made the humans around him who'd never seen a Sylvari (let alone a Twilight Sylvari) before more comfortable around him, to have a reference for his deeds. other bounty hunters revere or fear him for his ruthlessness and dedication. citizens are less frightened of him, more willing to give him a chance, when they've heard of the good deeds he's done for the poor, the weak, the frail, the children, and their pets. hes like a fucked up robin hood; robin hood is only an enemy of the royals hoarding gold. maelgwyn is a little unpredictable, since he's loyal to himself first and foremost.
he's not above betrayal, if thats what it comes to. he draws the line at what he considers innocents. people he can tell took an unfair deal just to have food to eat. his moral compass is, "dark grey." it's made of greys. basically, he asks "what decisions would I come to regret. what would make me see a monster in the mirror?" (and then he sees a monster in the mirror anyway but atleast he didnt make it "worse")
So when Kynwyl wakes up and seems to admire Maelgwyn for things he deems "deeds of the desert beast" he gets very very very irritated.
by this point maelgwyn doesnt look back on his history kindly. he's given up on taking blood money, he does caravan escorts for the refugees and traders, anyone who needs it and has some coin to offer. Hearing kynwyl so very enthused about the things he saw in his dream... the "noble" fights, the "chivalrous deeds." It bothers Maelgwyn. Kynwyl doesn't know about the blood staining all of it.
Yes, maelgwyn has helped people but to him, that was the persona not himself. And the desert beast is no one to aspire to. Thats the chasm between maelgwyn's perception of "Maelgwyn, Self" and "The Desert Beast" he's been struggling with self-hatred among other problems for decades. so "maelgwyn" is no one of note and "the desert beast" is someone to despise, to recoil at.
he snaps at kynwyl later when he won't drop the admiration "act." Kynwyl didn't know about the blood staining his big brother's hands, but does it change the good he did? You still helped someone. You've been helping more than harming these days. Why recoil at your brother's praise? Because Maelgwyn believes he doesn't understand. He's partially right, though Kynwyl feels like maelgwyn doesn't fully understand either.
after the fight they had about it (maelgwyn started it) rhosyn goes up to him a few days later like 'hey dude what the hell" rhosyn, the only one maelgwyn clicks with instantly. his little sister (affectionate.) anyway he's like "goddamnit. ur right."
since kynwyl has struggled with his guardian magics, firebrand doesn't fit him though he can manage it well enough, and dragonhunter is an absolute no-go. he SUCKS with bows. do not the kynwyl archery.
so gwynnie gets him a Willbender techniques book to study when he comes back from cantha.
#ocposting#maelgwyn#kynwyl#rambles#gw2#and now theyre okay with eachother#maelgwyn still doesnt get along with him as well as he does with rhosyn but he's not 2 seconds away from biting him anymore JHYUDSFHUID#im realizing with my timeline this means he spends all of living world season 5 (the worst time) on bad terms with his li bro ough i could.#work with that on purposeddddddddd
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My love for the show
I've seen that video of Sendarya saying that we should share as much go content as possible so, I'm going to talk about my love for the show.
I've discovered it in February of 2024 but I've known about it since july 2023 with the season 2 airing and my social media spaming me with good omens content. I remember that I didn't even watch the show and yet I cried at every silly video and talked everyone's ears off about 2 characters from a random show that kinda break up but not really. I knew the dialogs, the costumes and the music of Tory Amos but not much else.
So like I said, I discovered it in January and I loved it. But it wasn't like now, an obsession (or a brain rot like some of you call it), no, I simply really liked it and watched a few times the last episode because, apparently, I'm a masochist. But that was it. Didn't really think about often or anything.
Until one day in june where I was bored out of my mind and wondered what to do. Good omens came into my head and I thought 'yeah, there's a show that I enjoyed' and I watched it and a facination was created. I watched the entirety of the show in one go but it wasn't enough. So I clicked on YouTube and I watched all the animatics there was (and I truly mean ALL if them). Then there was Sendarya's videos that I also all watched with immense pleasure. Then I switched to Pinterest and I admired hundreds and hundreds of art and Tumblr posts. I remember, during a weekend, evey night in a row I got lost in go content and saw the sun rising and thought 'oh fck'. Then, you guess it, I joined Tumblr and I discovered Archive of Our Own and good lord how happy I am that I did. Anyway, you kinda get it, I ate Good Omens content on every media possible and I'm fucking happy about it.
Now, I'm still as obssessed with the show as the first day, but 4 months later. I know the dialogues by heart, cry everytime at the final 15, know a LOT of theories and even made one of my own. This TV show has helped me so much with my creativity too. It got me back into writing, drawing after an intense art block, reading and now, instead of doom scrolling on Instagram every time I'm bored, I read. I theorise. I imagine. And I'm eternally grateful for that.
Now, I know that the production of Season 3 isn't my decision, I hope and I pray that we will be able to have it because, it would absolutely destroy this little bubble I've created to know that we won't ever see the end of the show. Please don't let us without our safe place, our way to feel a fraction better when we aren't okay, with all the love and connection we created with other people because of the show.
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Hi, Tumblr. Hi, beautiful people. I know I never come on here anymore. I hope you are breathing. I hope you are hugging your loved ones and cuddling your pets and holding space.
I need somewhere to say this and I deleted my Twitter a while back. I was very active on Tumblr when I was very religious. I was well known as a queer Christian on here. I'm now, years later, no longer religious at all, leaning very hard towards agnostic but basically atheist, tbh. I don't think there is a God or afterlife or anything. I think there is just us, and now, and each other, and the earth, and empathy. It is times like this when I think that the most. My spirituality, of any kind if you call it that, is simply finding love and joy in every day and connecting to the nature and the comfort in the fact that I'll return to it one day, when I die. That we all do. The circle of life and humanity and feeling very beautiful things and becoming dirt, then grass, then perhaps deer one day. Because nothing is created or destroyed, even eons from now, my energy, my atoms, may be a deer or a bird or something else. It won't matter what, but it will be beautiful. And no matter who we voted for, or what we believe, we will all be dirt again one day.
I will also take a second to give an update on my personal life, since it's been a long time. I will tell you all I'm single, living with my cats, enjoying my life thoroughly. After a several year long job hunt, I finally got a "real" job as a fundraising & events coordinator at a really good nonprofit. For the first time in my entire 20s, I'm able to breathe when it comes to money. I've been working there just over a month and I love it so much, I am so so happy. I'm still also running my freelance business as a side hustle and growing deeply closer to my family and friends, the people I hug and cherish each day. I'm going to the gym, my skin is good, my sleep is the best it's ever been.
And to me, again, that's my spirituality. It's joy and friendship and sitting in restaurants laughing. It's doing good, meaningful work, and getting an okay paycheque for it. It's feeling like I'm finally on the right path in my life, after a few hard years, after some trauma in the past two years. I say this also to remind you that life is not just about the big picture, it's also about the little things, the day to day, the way we find comfort in ourselves and our loved ones. The way we heal and find empathy and hold each other, that is the most important thing. I know life is hard, but we do not stop finding hope in it, no matter what.
I heard this on a podcast once and for some reason it has stuck with me and is oddly comforting in hard times: "How you feel and what is happening are not always the same thing."
If there's anything I can do to help, please let me know. I'm here for you and with you.
Please enjoy these pictures of my cats in this trying time.
#viv's personal life#i think that was my tag?? idk#man its been a while#viv writes#something something#election tw???#babycat#teddicat
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Night has come- Episode 5 and 6 (INCLUDES SPOILERS)(WARNING: LOOOOOONNNGGG RANT AHEAD)
AGAIN, this post includes spoilers (All my posts do) so if you haven't seen this episode, I recommend not to read this post.
However, if you want to know just how bad your mind will be mess up, you are welcome to stay.
.
.
.
.
.
.
First of all
I had this very interesting post that I was about to post in which I explained how the girl with the ax in the intro was Lee Yoon Seo, and now I see that it was a good idea not to post it because it would have made me look stupid considering what happened at the end of episode six.
So, that saved me.
EPISODE 5:
A FREAKING ROLLERCOASTER.
It was kind of obvious that Park Woo Ram was Mafia but the way it was delivered? that was unexpected. But let's not jump ahead of the whole kidnapping/dividing thing, because WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT.
I, for once, knew Go Kyung Jun was going to be a pain in the butt but I will not take away the credit for his intelligence.
Like, the way he was right about who was the mafia? That was detective work right there. The way he delivered the confession? I won't lie, torture is a good way to make someone confess to something you had no part of but Woo Ram was mafia.
THE TORTURE:
I am sure Kyung Jun is a citizen. I have no proof but I have zero doubts. But, I do think that he'll be able to kill somebody if it means protecting himself or someone he cares about.
As it was shown in episode 5, he tortured Woo Ram to get a confession out of him, and as an avid reader of mafia romances -and currently writing my own, if I may say- the way he managed the torture was exceptional.
Tumblr don't flag me, but a girl has to admit when torture is on point, and this one was. It wasn't the physical torture that surprised me but the psychological. The way he would smile in a clear way that showed he didn't care about making somebody suffer was the CHERRY IN TOP OF THE ICE.
(And if I may mention, he is very cute.)
However, every bad character has a soft side and as we saw when he locked himself in the canteen, he started crying because he caused someone to die, and he tortured someone and everybody hates him so that ought to hurt.
THE SECRET PATHWAY:
When I tell you my mouth went
I have a feeling
AND THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT FEELING
That the ghost is trying to help Yoon Seo, as a matter of fact, I don't even think Woo Seok is dead but I'll dive into that theory later.
What I mean by the ghost trying to help Yoon Seo, I mean that the ghost seems to be leaving clues for her to find. Why is the ghost doing this? I don't know but I'm sure they are connected somehow.
When Yoon Seo found the secret room, I have to admit I was a bit disappointed in how she didn't stay longer to investigate.
Girl reads crime and mystery novels, and she just looked for a bit and left.
If that had been me? I would have looked through the freaking cameras in the room to try and find out who was the mafia (We know who is the mafia, we are expecting the results) but she just left, so that was a bit disappointing.
I feel the ghost is making every clue obvious for her to find because she is not looking properly. You would expect her to be more invested into the whole thing but as of right now the only thing she has found was how the second body didn't had defense marks and the black light used to look at the door.
The door was obvious, it was not as if someone could break a door open like that with the power of hate.
However, everything else has been the ghost doing. Finding the entry to the secret hall? The ghost pushed the boxes.
The picture? The ghost had to put a light on it so she would actually find it interesting.
The exit? Again, the ghost had to say "Girl, it's this way" and I find that hilarious.
The ghost is carrying the show.
THE GAME:
This game is cheating in the most awful way possible. Like, it is legal for someone to not vote! But the game changed the rules and now they either vote or die.
As I approach the ending, I am allowed to touch the rules of the game.
Everybody must vote. As we saw in episode 3, the consequences are catastrophic. Great way to get rid of most of the cast.
The game must take place inside the designated zone. I am not a tech wizard but there must be some kind of sensor that alerts whoever is controlling this game when someone steps out, right?
If two people have the same amount of votes, then the voting has to be repeated and if it happens again, then they all die.
The third one was genius. Like, I can't find any crack in the rules and that is amazing and frustrating.
and finally,
what we were all expecting,
Woo Seok dying:
This was sad, and it probably hurt me more than it hurt Yoon Seo
BUT
I don't think he is dead
Like, sure. His head did the ringing of possession and his eyes went white but I don't think he died.
I think he is alive
I think he is not a mafia
I think he is controlling the game
GOSH, IT FEELS GOOD TO SAY IT.
Why do I think he is not dead?
All the other deaths have been very gruesome
(This is just an example, I won't put all of them)
Even the ones with the pillow and the curtain were gruesome and awful but Woo Seok?
Look at that
His head is not even underwater,
his body is not belly down
he is just there
floating,
like a water lili
He looks like a model.
So I don't think he is dead
Him dying defies the purpose of the whole show
He wants to protect Yoon Seo and dying won't grant him that
Now, if he is actually dead then that was a stupid move from the producers but I'm sure we'll get our plot twist.
KIM SO MI:
We all knew she was mafia.
We all know she wants to survive
But she is a psycho
Like, real psycho
Why all of them thought that leaving the ax out while there is a killer on the loose was a good idea, I don't know, but she has it and she has a victim in mind.
The end of episode six clearly shows her about to slice Yoon Seo open, but the the screen goes dark and she screams
And I don't think it was a scream of "Getting ready to kill you in the most awful way possible" but I think it was a scream of "Something is awful and I am about to die."
I think the ghost showed up, or the doctor/police stopped her
It may be hopeful thinking, but I think she is dead
like, really dead.
Yoon Seo can't die. She is the main character and even though kdrama writers and producers are fond of killing the main characters (we all know what I mean) killing Yoon Seo would be a stupid move.
Yoon Seo remains alive, So Mi? I'm not sure.
Now, this is not a point but just some questions and theories I have.
Why is Oh Jung Won so protective of Yoon Seo? I mean, I would also defend my best friend with my life but the way Jung Won is so protective makes me think there is something else happening here.
Jin Da Beom. He is one of the main characters. Why is he a main character acting like an extra? This is annoying me.
This may be random, and this is me being crazy but I am SO SURE that if Kyung Jun and Yoon Seo joined forces, they would find the mafia.
Besides, the way he only stops when she speaks? I may romanticizing stuff but you don't join kdrama land while being sane.
You are welcome to call me out in something I may have mistaken, and you are welcome to share your theories with me too!
Until next episode.
#night has come#kdrama#horror kdrama#Lee Jae in#Kim Woo Seok#Choi Ye Bin#Cha Woo Min#Ahn Ji Ho#Jung So Ri#Lee Yoon seo#Kim Jun Hee#Oh Jung Woon#Go Kyung Jun#Jin Da Beom#Kim So Mi#New drama#KDRAMA#Theories
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@ so2uv's sappy time.
end of the year. ive survived and that's scary but you know what? it'll be fine. we'll all be fine and im promising that; whether it be this year, the next, or far in the future, we'll be ok :)) it's stupid how this platform, one that my friends teased me for using, left such an impact on me as a person.
AKA. MY END OF YEAR MUTUAL APPRECIATION POST. (warning: these got long and sort emotional for me to write. well, as emotional as i can get fjkdhgkjfd. sorry if my coherence gets lost later on. forgive me if you weren't mentioned specifically for something; i have more mutuals that expected. it's genuinely surprising.)
if you weren't mentioned specifically, there's still a note for you at the bottom. sorry for making you scroll for long to find it :'DD
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @tiredsleep . . . the mutual who has stuck through it all. oh tired. tired, tired, tired. i think im a little stupid for how happy i get when you like a post or send an ask or keyboard smash in my reblogs. a lot of what i said in my long ask to you a while back is what im trying to convey now. the way we met wasn't through much special; i followed you and eventually you followed back. it was slow going in the ways we interacted but the nicest things take time and im so glad we're the way we are now. we're strangers, two little guys on the internet, and i think it's beautiful how we have this. you're an amazing writer, an all around amazing creator of the worlds you build and the characters you create. i don't think you realized how envious i used to be of you; you made it seem like it was easy enough for you to connect with others, your writing was something id never achieve with mine, it was flat out jealousy. it was my fault we were distant to begin with. i soon figured out that praise was correct: you are among the most wonderful people ive had the pleasure of knowing and talking to you, even if it's just through a screen. there's so much more for me to say that i constantly struggle to put into the correct words to get the point across. just know that you have great things out there for you. have a great new year, tired. we'll make it. im so proud of you.
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @aelatus . . . the last standing mutual of all my og (close) mutuals. hello atlas! im not sure if you'll ever see this on tumblr since i know you don't log on much but you've been my mutual through three blog changes now; was there for my xstar-kidx era and kozmiixs stage. we've been through shit together, had banter about grammarly together, lost certain mutuals together, have changed blogs, changed themes, switched fandoms, fell out of love with fandoms. it's been a wild couple of years, huh? im so thankful we've met and got close in the ways that we did and that we're able to call each others close. your birthday is soon so in the case that i forget to say this on discord: happy birthday, the xiao to my albedo. live a life of freedom and joy, my love /p.
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @izukxnnie . . . hara :((( i don't think you'll ever come to read this message but that's alright; maybe it's for the better kdfgh. i know i sent you that long winded ask on your blog already but i miss talking and interacting with you, even with all my awkwardness. im still so regretful of that one time i sent a request to join your world but then you were busy and i didn't read your messages until later that day as in hours later bc i was at school and idk if i ever responded to them in the end. maybe i'll send you a message on discord later. maybe i won't bc i'll be too sentimental. i really hope you're doing more than well, that you're happy doing what you do.
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @ay-asterisms . . . the mutual who introduced me to so many others. i really have you to thank for what i have now, ay. truly. you brought me deeper into the hq fandom and introduced me to jennie, atlas, and others. we don't talk much but i'll say what ive mentioned before, you remind me so much of the sun. but not as the bringer of life and the ball we see every morning; a sun in the sense that you're a star closer to earth but still a star, still out there where there are multiple. the difference is that you just happen to bring a warmth that others can't provide for ones nearby.
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @cryo-locket / @lo-cinno . . . you. im not even sure how we became mutuals, and my memory is pretty good. we just spawned in each other's zones one day and went yeah, alright. honestly, ive never said this to anyone, but you were one of the reasons i decided to focus more heavily on chinese. our interactions reminded me of why i wanted to relearn the language for myself: for the social connections. i genuinely love talking to you and always find myself laughing at our conversations. mainly because our timezone dif is so odd so it's always late in the evening when im on. your ebg was so fun and with all the pain it brought / hj, im so happy to have been part of it. thank you for putting up with my 2 am rambles and crack, hope you found laugh or two with them.
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @pr3tty-jennie . . . you intimidated me when we first met. i still remember it actually: you had that kamninari theme and the most recent post on your blog was about how you couldn't remember the word for chandelier in english but knew it in french. you've been through so much, endured so much, and i respect you so much. always have, always will. your life story and the past don't define who you show as a person and im so amazed by that part of you. have a good day, good week, good rest of your life pretty girl :DD
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @june-again . . . it's crazy, you know? crazy how far we've both drifted off from the original fandom that brought us together? but that's character development. speaking of that, ive gotten the absolute pleasure of seeing you grow as a person and go through the motions of life. it's always chill talking to you, jokes come easy hah! you're an amazing musician, june. amazing person, amazing at writing, amazing at music; you're outstanding so in the words of Freddy fazbear from security break, way to go superstar! i knew you could do it and i know you still can.
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @junjiie . . . the seungmin to my minho, the other half of 2min, the self proclaimed jeno to my renjun (have yet to be a dreamzen my b :(() and the no. 1 solieber. i was serious when i said you're the reason my other blog exists; you've been the biggest hype person when it came down to me going out of my comfort zone and writing. i was so nervous going up to talk to you at first kjfdhgkj but now, you're just another silly guy in my phone screen :DD thank you for sending all your updates about life and putting up with mine even though they never get answered- seungmin to not only my minho, but hyunjin too, let's keep being #Silly, yeah?? it's already the actual new years day when you're receiving this so i hope the year is off to a good start.
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @sohyuki . . . MINT im hoarding the ask that you sent me on christmas day. im always so happy when you've shown up on dash and while im sad about how you've let tumblr mainly behind, i know it's for the better since well, interactions have been shit and probably will never get back up to the standard we held them to, even with all the effort put in. you are such an amazing all around person and like i said in my christmas note to you, keep writing. hoard it, feed into it, you have something wonderful going on with it.
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @kamiyatos . . . user kamiyatos!!! lee!!! HELLO!!! it's always such a pleasure to talk to you and i hope you know that i keep your ramble about malleus' character and your plot idea for him in the back of my mind constantly, even though that ask has been lost to my actions of deactivation on my old blog. you're the biggest ayato fan i know who supports my works about him vocally AND you understand my vision on his personality... it's truly touching, y'know? thank you for being there, even when we don't talk as much as we should. i hope this year has been kind on you and the next one is even kinder.
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @yinyinggie . . . yingyingyingyingerkjshkjfdg ok this may come as a shock, or maybe you already knew and were just playing along, but we used to be mutuals before the summer of last year. secret identity revealed ig?? eh im sure if you dig far enough into my dark past™️ you'll find smth about it so im not going to say anything about it :P but! one thing has stayed the same for sure: you are so easy and so fun to talk to and make conversation with. you know that ramble i left on the astro twerk form about feedback for the server? yeah. im 100% truthful. you've made something so inclusive and positive, have done to much to get tumblr active, please know that your efforts aren't wasted. im sure they feel like it at times but i appreciate it so much. and im sure others have the same sentiment.
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @mhiieee . . . MHIEEEEEEEE MY SCARA FAN !!!! i love and adore your works so much and not to mention your characterization of scaramouche is top tier. ive got a lot to learn from you, mhie; i don't think you realize how much there is to admire when it comes to you as a person. you find such meaning and connection in the words and the world, the sincerity that comes with it,,,,, it makes me want to sob and roll around while also simultaneously wanting to take your brain apart neuron by neuron and psychoanalyze you. not in the freudian way though. ive had the greatest honor of being able to interact with you on not just one, but two!!! servers!!! i think it's a little silly how much i smile when you reply to smth dumb ive said on disc. have a great new year :))
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @ryuryuryuyurboat . . . RYUUUUUU literally the most stunning person to walk the planet ever like. hello??? our first interactions came from that ebg funny enough. does a little ★🪽 anon ring a bell? i only ever got around to sending you one sabo during that time but i hope you did enjoy what i came up with on the spot, i never was very good when it came down to kaeya's character. you are so intelligent and such an amazing individual, please always remember that.
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @snobwaffles / @2nobwaffles . . . SNOB SNOB SNOB i always think of the pokemon when your name comes up. in my head, you will always be snom, the bug-ice type pokemon <33 IT'S SO FUN TALKING TO YOU and we haven't been mutuals for long either. im always thinking of the advice you left me when it came down to my rant about an irls party and there's something about the way you're able to appreciate and take note and find beauty int he smallest of things that get brought up. i wish you the complete best that 2024 has to off you. keep calm and snob on :DD
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @itaerae & @mins-fins . . . im putting the two of you together because well, i met you both at the same time through the server. while i can't consider it and, ive never really had such an inviting time in a server, much less a network, as ive had in zumblr. really, it's you two that i owe thanks to. our silly little convos are so fun and im forever thankful that ive found people to talk to on a server for once.
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @https-furina . . . the best server mother fr!!! omg it's so nice talking to you :((( i love the warmth of your words and how your emotions shine through text. it feels like i can practically envision the fond eyeball or the warm smile that you may or may not have on your face when messaging. i’ve had such a great time in the network and your pet names fjfbdjdbjdb have a great 2024 heh :DD
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @lethwal & @astrinityy . . . i don't think you guys realize how fun it was when we were all "debating" and accusing me of being a furry. honestly, i haven't had to stifle laughter like that in the middle of the night as hard as i did for a small while. not too long but long enough. it was a breath of fresh air and it was genuinely amazing to just be able to put the present on the back burner and play around like that. even though it was kind of late for me when that was happening- ignore that. it's always late for me when im online atp. i hope we can get past those baseless accusations you have both placed on me tehe. have a happy new years, you two. ALSO YIXIN!! GA-MING PROTECTION SQUAD RISEEEEE
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @/zumblr . . . there's so many of you and i can't find the proper words to express the welcome i felt when added to the server. it was nerve wracking, ive never really gotten around to talking to that many people or being that open on the internet before. it's funny how one summer can bring you out of your shell a little, eh? and all bc of some guys on screen lmao. thank you for the support and im happy to have met such wonderful people. thank you, again. @urielphix I AM. DETERMINED TO READ ADAD JUST YOU WAIT
𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @ everyone else, all my mutuals as of now and past, who weren't mentioned or mutuals who want to read something again . . . hello!! im sorry to disappoint by not adding you properly and for not giving a personalized thanks; it wasn't anything against it you at all. reason 1) i probably forgot as um. goldfish brain or 2) we just became mutuals pretty recently and haven't had the chance to really talk much / have been sort of long term but haven't talked much.
either way though, thanks for sticking around! im not the most. literate person. sometimes LMAO and im far from being a proud person of skill when it comes to the right words to say to people but im always happy when people find something worth it in my silly words. i hope we get to interact more in the future, as long as you can put up with my inconsistent (to say the least) replies and brain boggling posts that come from the depths of the midnight zone, that is. get ready for the ride that is this. clusterfuck of a blog place. LMAO,,,, if you haven't already scrolled through my stuff. if you have then um ready for more??? fkdjhgkjlghf
if you've made it to the end, thank you. and why?? im not that interesting or cool as everyone makes me out to be. if you had told 2019 me on tumblr that 4 years later, id be posting my works for everyone to see and also be proud of my own poetry, i would have laughed and called you absolutely insane. some of you have sat through me going through different gender and pronoun crises on dash back in 2020, and some of you ive only met this month.
whatever our situation is, i wish all the best for everyone . i’ll support you guys until the end of the earth and then some. have the happiest of happy new years, may your futures always be brighter than you say they are, and i’ll see you later 💛
sincerely — sol / jun
#🔎. navi !#// do not perceive me im going to go curl up in a corner now#// ive never been this sentimental or thought out a personal post quite as much as this one#// vulnerability isn't my strong suit ok???#// i wish these were more put together TwT
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Announcement 📢
I'm going to a place where I'll most likely have weak internet connection and little time, meaning I won't be very active on Tumblr this week. Maybe not at all. So if anyone has sent or later sends me an ask or a message, or mentions me somewhere, please be patient. I definitely won't be able to draw anything for you until I come back, so not any sooner than next weekend.
⭐In the meantime, take care my superstars!⭐
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While I usually make more elaborate headcanon posts I need to ramble about Screwllum my beloved before my brain tries into mush. I'll most likely change things with this later or even delete but enjoy my rambling
Edit: There is now is in fact an updated post! My Tumblr might just be glitching or whatever but on my end it isn't showing so I'll add the link here for anyone who wants to read me just rambling for 1k words. It's only on my other account due to not wanting to lose it in this accounts reblogging madness
Screwllum given the fact his AI is the most advanced to everyone's knowledge (please tell me if my wrong, my knowledge about this aspect isn't the best given how little we in about NOUS and whatnot) had an soft of black box holds an copy of his own AI that isn't actively functional. Besides his base code and AI it also holds memories and similar things he can't and won't let himself forget. If his physical body was ever to be destroyed, became corrupted past anyone's ability to fix it, there is an backup of himself that isn't corrupted in multiple states.
For say if the corruption in his code started back centuries or even Amber era's there is something available so he can in an sense save himself. He is able to if need copy over uncorrupted or overly damaged functions and replace them before makeing needed adjustments to keep what happened from happening again.
Getting into said black box (perhaps box's given how much data he would be saving and to keep are's or specific timeframe's from risk of corruption?) is next to impossible for normal hackers. The black boxes most likely made with the assistance of NOUS themself due to the complexity of it and other important factors.
The idea overall originating from the idea of someone hacking or somehow corrupting Screwllum's major functions. You can't tell me Aha even if just an simulation in the simulated universe wouldn't try and fuck with Screwllum if he was actively connected at the same time. It's elating to see the show after the fact depending on what happens to his behavior or if it just suddenly shuts him down or makes him malfunction.
#Please Screwllum is so fasnating yet I see barely any headcanons for him or speculation#someone else gotta be as interested in him like me!#I have so many headcanons for Screwllum I'm not kidding#The butterflies? some are actually mechanical while others are holograms unless he is in places with real butterfly's#don't get me started with his appearance and past I could and WOULD ramble about that#Screwllum my beloved#honkai star rail#Screwllum#Slipping is rambling again#Headcanons?#Slipping is writing
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Wataru and Eichi's solo song analysis
-How did it connect together and the meaning of their relationship-(Part1: Eichi)
I'm literally crying, and there will be more tears after this...but I must...
If you're questioning why I delivered this analysis so late...uhm, it's long. But in short, I've to re-read some of the stories just to make some needed points and to make sure that the facts are true ( and all kinds of business randomly pop up on my schedule, haunting me for weeks! )
Before that, I need you to read some warnings first!
This is my PERSONAL way of looking at their characteristic, if it is not for you, YOU'RE FREE TO HAVE YOUR OWN IDEAL.
Even if you're an Eichi-P, an Eichi hater, or just someone who simply wants to know more about him, I welcome you all with open arms. No one is being banned here. But pls, if you don't like or enjoy the way I look and think of Eichi, do not send hate or make any big mess. If you don't like it, just stop reading, that's it.
There won't be much of the translated song picture because Tumblr stops me from putting 10pic in a post so...again with the word.
THIS IS GONNA BE GODDAMN LONG! I spit it into 2 parts! And it still LONGGG HELP! ( Part 1 will be Eichi's song and Part two is for Wataru song ) I'll make a tag and put the link so you can get to Wataru's part.
I'll be using these 2 Eichi solo songs to analyze:
Shinning star + Crystal Pleasure
And for Wataru:
Amazing World + Wandering Clown
I'm so sorry if there is not much information about Wataru, as well as a good look into his character. We don't have much information about him so...I need things to base on, a clue to know what up with him, but it is hard to even find one because he rarely talks about himself. So most of this analysis will be talking about it from Eichi's standpoint. It's funny how both rarely talk about their family and other personal stuff but since Wataru is around and always able to pull some lore out of Eichi's mouth, we get to know more about Eichi. Though, it was not the same for Wataru because Eichi have lot of respected for him. There had been multiple occasions when Eichi tried telling Wataru that he could open up to him but after some silence, Eichi just said: "It ok if you don't wanna talk about it." And they continued on with other stuff.
Alright, let's set up a map for this one because it is kinda LOnGGGGG
A small summary of young Eichi and how he came to know Wataru + during the war and after the war ended.
What thoughts do I have on Eichi being so in love with Wataru?
Into the song: About Eichi's solo then we'll get to Wataru's solo later.
1. A little summary!
Since this post is a goddam 4 song-analyzing post, it going to be hard for those who just want to get to the song part, so I made a whole different post for it!
If you're interested, go ahead and read the summary, if not, you can get to other parts. BUT, I STRONGLY RECOMMEND YOU TO read it ( if you have the time to ) because it going to help you understand Eichi's character better and enjoyable view of his song and the connection he has with Wataru.
2. Some of my thought on their dynamic ( 0v0/ ✨❤️✨)
I'm crying in happiness to get a chance to talk about them. I really want to do this for a long time ago but never got the time to.
As I've mentioned before in part 1. Eichi is Wataru's biggest fan.
So, it is likely that Eichi loves him but also puts a distance wall in their relationship like how a fan is to their idols.
From the brutal war, Eichi thinks he had hurt too many people to be forgiving PLUS the self-hate and low-esteem, it is just like a knife that was already placed in his chest, after the war ends, it just goes deeper in.
Wataru visited him but it did not make Eichi cry in tear of joy but in pain, because to Eichi, now, no one would like to be with him anymore. It was a good choice to let Tsumugi go, so he can be free. It was a good choice to made that damn contract even if friendship is what needed to help a Unit grow strong.
That "Fine" was never a Unit in Eichi's eyes. It was nothing but a weapon he used to wield. To kill the innocent, carefree being, yet it was necessary.
An action he must took to made the school a better place. And he did, he succeeded but sacrificed himself in the process.
So, if it was not for Wataru, we would never have the Fine today. Heck! Maybe we never get to see Eichi again and he will become nothing but the dust of Yumenosaki's past.
And I was so in tears! Every goddamn time Eichi keeps on with that suspicious look, scare that Wataru wouldn't be with him anymore, that Eichi will be throw away like trash.
Like! Give it a rest buddy! He love you! That it!
And to that depressed little rich guy? Wataru didn't hate him or stay away from him at all!
He was also trying his best, like feeding a kid the food they hate but is healthy so Wataru have to keep trying.
He kept on trying and trying just to let Eichi know: "I'm here for you, and I won't run away, I won't hurt you, I won't betray you. I will be here, with you."
With that came! The shiniest moment of the two!
EP: Link!
When Wataru literally gave Eichi his one and beloved mask that he wear all the time, just to let Eichi know that he'll always be here for Eichi.
I laughed so hard with Eichi just confused at the spot until others showed up.
Like, Eichi, yeh? Rich, smart, good looking. Yet just for a mask now placed on his hand and he getting all wonder in space.
Why? Because he was so sure about everything he thought! To him, his plan was perfect, to the man who wounded many, of course, he would never think that the plan in his head would not become true. He did it before, how can he fail it this time?
It couldn't go wrong, right? He thinks to himself but never did he consider it to be just some random stuff that he made up in his head and reality is different.
When he hear the news that Wataru participated in the actor test, he thought Wataru gave up on being an idols. Then went: "Well...look like he didn't want to be with me anymore. Look like he'll be come an actor."
Like...man, you made that up. You're sad because of your own thoughts then later on get confused when it isn't what actually happened.
This man is such a pathetic guy, I love him.
3. Song analysis:
Well well well, isn't it time *look at my watch*
Even though analysis 1 song would be great, I do, however, want to put 2 solo songs into this analysis then one.
Of course, we'll go slow and analyze one at a time, yet I can't stop but put both songs in one post because, in that way, we can see how both have changed, develop though still full of flaws, they have become something beautiful and will continues to grow.
Let's start with - SHINING STAR:
"A twinkling trace of a dream from beyond the horizon."
"Even though I understand...that it might just be an illusion"
Firstly, the name of this first solo is "SHINING STAR". It both mentions Wataru ( of course! ) and Eichi being the star.
But the two are described differently.
In these lines, mentions the appearance of an unknown shining star from beyond the horizon, a faraway star that shines bright.
But the more Eichi looked, as he thought it was all just a dream, an unreal feeling of this star that shine far in the sky. Because it was so beautiful, but how did he be able to find it here? Was it all way that close or was it all his imagination?
"Today with you, I continue to chasing it."
I said it already but let's say it again!
This man you're looking at is once a suicidal freak!!!
So gained enough confidence to live up to a "Today with you" is one thing, and actually find meaning in life "continue to chasing it" is another.
Because when you're in a state of depression, to once again find the meaning it life is HARD. When everything is already at its limit. When you can't feel anything anymore
Nothing but an empty soul, it hard. That is why depressing people don't do many things or everything at the same time. They try to find a way to continue living or decide to give up on everything.
Losing motive.
Yet Eichi was able to wake up and try to run away from this death of him. He might die from trying too hard, but he made the decision. To continue.
And who gave him the courage for this? Wataru! That is why, it was a "Today with you". Because Eichi still wants to see Wataru's show and witness the beauty of this magician.
I can't die yet! That's why he continues to fight. For everyone, for himself, but right at this moment, when the solo was released, at this moment, to him, Wataru was the first reason for he to continue.
As he's love for idols, pulls him back to life.
"Beautiful things are so fragile and ephemeral" "Permeating through your eyes, I reach out" "Oh, SHINING STAR"
Guys, I'll count from 1 to 3, guess who Eichi was singing about.
1, 2, 3!
Surprise no surprise! It was Wataru.
The shining star he mentions in some of the first lines, as it was far away but Eichi isn't that hopeless of a boy anymore, he shows signs of trying "I reach out".
He wants to be admitted and to be seen in his beloved idol's eyes. He wanted Wataru to see him and caught Wataru's attention.
Even if Wataru is already there for him, Eichi himself thinks otherwise, that he still has a long way to go. He can't just be at the winning spot without paying any price.
And for that, he was scared that he might hurt him. Like the things he did to Wataru friend, the Eccentric and the old Fine.
He was so scared of this beauty now coming so close to him "Beautiful things" he called it, the feeling he had when he was with Wataru, with the things he love yet never had a change to tough it is "fragile", this relationship can be broke if Wataru don't want to be with him anymore.
But, was Wataru's purpose for being here in was because of him or because Wataru wanted something from him.
He feels like the relationship they have is "ephemeral"
( if you are questioning: Ephemeral means lasting for a very short time )
"Underneath this starry sky" "An unknown neverending path continues"
My man is confusing
This depressing guy just recovered from his wound and was still a little confused over the new future he's facing ahead.
It's an unknown path, may be perilous, may be terrifying but he made his decision, he'll go on, he'll continue.
He knows that it will be uneasy. For he who thought that the next thing he'll be on is his deathbed, never knew someone would have the time and strength to take his hand and pull him out of that destiny deathbed.
His future was switched, and now he had to face a new unknown path that he knew nothing about.
"And for your sake" "I'll keep on shining"
"I'll be "SHINING STAR"."
And for the clown who needs a villain to lead his way, Eichi will continue to live until Wataru no longer wants him.
He wants to, no, he is a star, an unknown star that yet to be discovered. And after Wataru point it out for him, he understand that he is also some where far yet close to Wataru spot.
So, to catch that shining star attention, he'll have to be shining too!
Thought Eichi didn't seen to realize what it takes to become a real idol. His love for idols is endless and so does he's wish for a brighter future with Wataru.
And with that, for Wataru's sake, he keeps on living, shining bright as a star.
"Hiding your sorrow behind a smile" "You understand the pain of resistance" "A lifeless flower is blooming in the plains" "Such things make this world beautiful"
I will kill just to legally continue calling out these lyrics that Eichi sings about, all pointing to Wataru.
If you thought, yeh, Wataru can't be sad, he always looks happy. Then, my dear reader, you are wrong. Wataru can be blue sometimes, but it's hard to know since he just kept on smiling.
You can rarely find a moment where he puts down his mask, but it doesn't mean zero.
In Phantom Thieves and Detectives, after Knight and Ra*bit show, Wataru appears in the dark. But he seems...tired and doesn't really care to put on the face of a clown anymore.
This is not often, but there is also the time when Wataru points out other characters about the fact that they're wearing a mask too.
The reason Eichi can sing these lines is because he notices, he watches Wataru closely, for a long time, to the point he starts to realize that his beloved idols also have their flaws.
Since 2 lines are already about Wataru, so is the third!
The flower is Wataru, but instead of blooming anywhere else, he blooms "in the plains".
A primarily treeless place. In that way, it was easy to spot the flowers.
Standing on the bright stage, all along. The soulless flower bloom. It was beautiful, but the more you look, you'll find out, that this beauty is an empty one, it was a host but without a soul.
"Without hurting anyone, no dream can come true" "Without getting hurt, there's no way forward either"
"Oh, SHINING STAR"
Oh, I don't know, maybe in his household, he was being taught that you'll have to fight to win things over. Since he's a heir of a big rich household, of course, he gets the education to become one.
In this brutal world of humanity, to Eichi, the way he can win is through competition, fighting and sometimes you'll have to be tricky and stop playing nice when it doesn't seem to work.
He could have found a better way to make the school turn from bad to good, but it is not possible to win over such things without bloodshed.
With that in mind, turning the table by starting a war, and such education had already eaten into his brain from youth.
So in his way of seeing things, there are no dream if you don't stand up for a fight. If not pulling people down to get the first place in line, how can you do it? Nicely ask them to? Will they simply say yes or kick you down to the ground.
If you don't get hurt, you can't learn from it. And at the end of the day, you'll achieve nothing.
"As unbalanced as we are" "If we have different strides, let's join hands"
This part, this dam part *cry*
Wataru is a different star, and Eichi is a different star, yet Eichi is trying to reach out to him.
Silly science time! Did you know that two stars are really really far away from each other? Yes, the Sun is a star, but Earth, Mars, and others are planets, not stars.
Two stars can't be too close together.
The average distance between two stars in the Milky Way is around 5 light-years, or 29 trillion miles (47 trillion kilometers)
And even though all those constellations seem to a "standing close with other stars" and got connected into a line, they're in fact not, one might be far away from the other, yet they're all too far for our human eyes to know the difference.
Also, if you're wondering about the fact that two stars stand next to each other, they can but...they simply will pull themself close to the other and then go boom like a two-side car crash ( with both drivers being drunk a*s f*ck since they just get out from their daily local bar )
( it feels like that one time when I analyzed a Valkyrie song then ended up putting an whole a*s poem in it )
Yet, Eichi wants to get to Wataru, "Let's join hands", so we don't lose each other, so you would go too far away from me.
"The path ahead of you" "I shall light it up" "I'm your "SHINING STAR"."
Guy, no word needs to be said, you simply read and understand...
AAAAA, fine! I will *continue to cry my eyes out*, Eichi wants to light Wataru road ahead.
To Wataru, the little actor, the little clown. Eichi is out there, writing the script for him. Wataru want Eichi too, as at first he was unsure, but now? He wants to lead the way, he wants a future with Wataru.
So he'll light the way, he'll become Wataru's "Shining star".
"If you were to lose your way, I would certainly guide you back"
Like a lost ship in the sea, Eichi will be his lighthouse, leading Wataru back to land.
"You just need to believe me, and take a step forward"
I love you as my beloved idol, I love to show you're talent to the world out there, and let them know how beautiful you are. So please put your trust in me.
"Oh, SHINING STAR" "Our world is such a cold, yet kind place, continuing to revolve" "So in oder to arrive at a new tomorrow"
Eichi is still insecure about life, he had been taught that he'll have to stand up for himself. He had been taught that this place was cold and lonely.
Yet he was able to find love. Eichi was not so sure if that love would stay for long, but it did change him.
The world that he thought was a cold and terrible place was actually warm and full of joy.
He's not so sure to accept this love, despite that, he wants it to stay for as long as it can. Because of it, he was able to continue to live on, and arrive at the moment when he thought he was already dead by that time.
The lyrics repeat themselves, showing Eichi's determent to become a shining star, as bright as Wataru, so he can stay next to him.
"Oh, SHINING STAR" "Underneath this starry sky" "An unknown, neverending path continues" "And for your sake" "I'll keep on shining" "I'll be "SHINING STAR"."
AND NOW, Welcome our next Eichi's solo:
Crystal Pleasure !!!
Before we get into the analysis, I just want you to know. SHINING STAR had a soft and chill beat, it was slow and calm but also sad and a little misery once you read through the lyrics.
BUT HIS SECOND SOLO? Crystal Pleasure?
It had a jazz-like 90s vibe and such a happy beat! It shows his change, that he is no longer fighting for his life but actually filled with joy with the new and warm future where the path is now clear to him.
"Crystal Pleasure, let's burn some Crystal Pleasure into those eyes" "Crystal Pleasure, there's so many Crystal Pleasure, over and over again."
The beginning was POP!
Anyway, the first song was about shining stars, and this time, it Crystal.
Both are kira kira but one is up in the sky and one is down to the ground.
I got a little confused but I guess I'll use both meanings. Crystal doesn't just mean a type of gem or quartz, it too means glass, depending on the way you use it.
It is a "crystal quartz" but it can also be a "crystal clear glass".
If we're talking about the crystal gems that is, then the meaning is quite clean, since crystal is being used in decorating important places and objects.
To make something beautiful is to decorate it with shining gems.
The meaning/symbolization of those shining crystals is "transcendence and the light of the heaven". Yes, all over Eichi and Fine theme isn't it.
Now, I won't let you wait any longer, let's get into the song, shall we:
"The world is flooding with entertainment (competing for stardom)" "And as they compete, they become more and more extreme, wanting to be chosen" "Even so, those pure eyes remain as they seek" And all the white and black that I emit to be stared at dazzlingly"
It was not just about the idol industry, Eichi was trying to tell a story here.
That "they" was someone. Guess who? Wataru Hibiki!
The lines: "As they compete, they become more and more extreme" really stick out to me.
A silly jester, a genius, who wanted to learn from trick to trick and he was able to learn them quickly given that he was a kind of genius. An Eccentric member.
He is an actor, standing on stage, waiting for a director to choose him, to write him a script.
Eichi could feel the eyes of Wataru, which seek for a screenwriter, to write Wataru a brand new story, a brand new world.
Eichi then accepted Wataru's invitation and decided to be the one to give him his new plays. A new role, a new life, a new love.
"Let's take my hand because it's a miracle that I was able to meet you in the brightness" "And I hope to repose to that miracle of meeting you with my whole life ahead of me"
After all that time, after a suicide state of him, being saved by Wataru was like a gift from god. He knew that he had such a love for idols, that love almost died down, being forgotten but then Wataru came, reminding Eichi about why he was here in the first place.
"Meet you in the brightness" is like an angel, visiting Eichi by the window. The light from the window makes Wataru look bright, like the angel he is to Eichi.
Moreover, this line has some resemblance to the symbolization of crystal, remember it? It's "Transcendence and the light of the heaven" .
( What's that? Sound like the tiled of this song is already about Wataru? The whole song is! What can I say more than the homies are at it again!!!)
Wataru was his savior, and Eichi hoped that he could repay this gratefulness to him.
Here, it may be minor but it was a welcoming change! Knowing Eichi, he would likely try to repay Wataru with lots of stuff. His ways of love are to buy people things and make a big event just for something so small yet it was precious to him, so it was worth it.
Did I mention the fact that Eichi bought a WHOLD AS* pyramid for him just because Wataru joke? Yeh...I'm not lying.
But in this line: "hope to repose - with my whole life ahead of me"
It changes, somethings change. Staying with Wataru for long enough, his view of looking changes. Now, instead of buying him something, Eichi uses his life and quality time as a gift to Wataru.
Eichi "Buying things for you is want I want to, but then again, maybe, spending some time with you is the real meaningful gift" Tenshouin.
Also, a small detail but the "Let's take my hand" part, did you know that in Tempest, this adorable little detail takes place:
"I want to connect all the sparkling moments and make you happy" "Ah, as long as I am allowed to live, let me give you happy dreams"
The first line is when Eichi wants to give Wataru happiness, but the second? A little happy mix with sad.
"As long as I am allowed to live"
Eichi mentions his sickness, will the sickness kill him first or will he overcome it. He doesn't know, but as long as he's healthy, when he's still here, he'll do everything to make Wataru happy.
The times may run out, but before I die, giving you happiness is the thing that will satisfy my near-death soul.
To fulfill Wataru's dream is the first thing to do on his little bucket list.
"I think I know how to charm you ( this unyielding stardom )" "So if there's something I can do here, I vow to protect it"
Bit confused, but I read it ten times over and understood that Eichi finally accepted Wataru's love, he vowed to protect it, the love and hope that bloomed from this new relationship.
"Now, I want you to look forward to it, and determine the value with your eyes" "This dream, love, and freedom that I draw now became strong and full of color"
I would like to have a call back to another line in this song, it was "all the white and black that I emit" given that these lyrics are talking about the freedom of Eichi's soul.
From a soulless human with just black and white, now his world is "full of color", filled with love and hope, this dream that seems to be lost has come back to life.
"Let's visit you into the brilliance, towards the tomorrow you desire" "Let's be a little greedy, there's no need to hold back"
Eichi will give Wataru the stage to shine, into the world of light that Wataru wants.
This dream was never about Eichi, and that's what makes it about him.
Since the day Wataru saved him, his love of idols has once again come back to life. Being able to make Wataru's dream come true was Eichi's desire all along.
He views that his wish is a bit too greedy, knowing that it will take a tedious process, but he won't stop, he has been in the darkness for too long. Now he wishes to see the light and get used to it so it won't blind him.
The wish to see Wataru shining like a star with his own two eyes. So Wataru, please don't hesitate, though I'm quite the greedy, I hope you'll be happy to see me, staying here with you, your happiness is my light.
"Connecting the precious time, we are the protagonists on this stage" "While blessed by countless stars, let us sing our never-ending dreams"
So some of you may not know about this but, interesting information: Both Eichi and Wataru, one ( or 99 times more ) admit that they're the villain of the stage.
Yes! BOTH.
Eichi was in pain and after the war, he admitted all the faults he had and told himself that he was the evil villain of the show, even long after the war ended, he still thought it that way.
Wataru is a bit different, the exact time was never mentioned, but clues are all over the place. Wataru admitted to Tomoya that he usually plays the role of villain. And, it made sense since Wataru passed constraint to him being asked to play tricks, he likes to do tricks and magic, but the people, they always ask for more.
Wataru was scared, but he continued anyway, he continued to learn new tricks, but that was not enough
He didn't go mad and start taking the role of a villain though, it was never clarified. But I don't think that was the case, not at all.
Wataru was more likely to take the role of villain because he wanted to step back and out of the light of the stage. Of course, he is still there, but not in a heroic way anymore. He didn't mean to but he wished people to look away from him more often than before, though, in the end, it was quite the opposite, he made friends and lots of people admitted him.
Even Wataru never expect this to happen. In the "Phantom Thieves VS Detectives" story, Epilogue 3, he said this: "But believe it or not, the amount of friends and acquaintances I've made since entering Yumenosaki Academy have surprisingly increased in size."
They're both villain in their own story, but later on, after many hardships and challenges, they learn and understand.
The two are no longer the villains but the protagonist, the protagonist of a story where they get to stand together on the stage.
And with the Fine now, they'll stand together, with Tori and Yuzuru, sing the never-ending symphony of their dreams.
Here comes, my favorite:
"Determination alone is futile, but you are there, the one who saved me is you" "Because your passionate gaze gives me the meaning of life"
Eichi literally went: "Only by trying is not enough, if not for you who had saved me from the darkness, I would've been gone." to Wataru.
Also about how Wataru gives him the biggest motivation to keep living and doesn't "kick the bucket" due to sickness or several suicidal attempts.
And, it ends with other lines got repeated:
"Let's take my hand because it's a miracle that I was able to meet you in the brightness" "And I hope to repose to that miracle of meeting you with my whole life ahead of me" "I want to connect all the sparkling moments and make you happy" "Ah, as long as I am allowed to live, let me give you happy dreams forever"
"Crystal Pleasure, let's burn some Crystal Pleasure into those eyes" "Crystal Pleasure, there's so many Crystal Pleasure, over and over again."
Alright, this is the end of part 1, Eichi's solo song. We'll now move to part 2, which I'll make in another post.
So I want you to know that I wrote this with all my heart that I pulled out of my chest. I love them from the bottom heart of my.
I don't need you to forgive Eichi or forget what he did in the past, this whole analysis was not made for that purpose, I just need you to understand that he did, in fact, lots of bad things in the past and he got his punish, it a punish to live on, to learn and suffer with the future. But Wataru was there, helping him out, so he's not that scare anymore.
If anyone ask me to tell them they're homo but without telling them they're homo, I'll show them this long a*s paragraph ( I'm so proud of myself for writing this but also asking myself that I should be out there making money instead...but I'm feeling great after written this so...maybe it not that bad )
THANK YOU FOR READING!
Part 2 will be coming out soon? I mean, I'll put the link in if I finish it...hopefully...
#ensemble stars#eichi tenshouin#tenshouin eichi#hibiki wataru#wataei#Eichi Tenshouin solo song analysis#Wataru Hibiki solo song analysis#fine ensemble stars#eichi tenshouin solo song
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Lately I've been reminiscing about the internet/blogging/fandom cultures in the late 2000s and early 2010s. Specifically about how it was a culture of free and open sharing of art, fic, crafts, time and skill without people monetizing absolutely everything.
In fandom circles we would constantly write and draw things for each other. There were fan-organized gift exchanges, competitions, and big bangs. Friends gifted art and fic to one another and this encouraged more art and fic to be produced. No one dared to charge for their fanworks back then because there was a very real fear of getting sued by folks like Anne Rice.
I know that this still happens in fandom circles to a certain extent, but over the years I have watched organizers struggle to get the numbers they once had, and more and more people not wanting to spend time creating stuff they won't get paid for. People also seem much less likely to freely donate their time and skills, also. I don't think that a site like A03 could be started today, and I sometimes wonder how long they will be able to continue operating, given it is run entirely by volunteers.
Back then we kept all our fan created stuff in fan spaces, and it was shared and created out of love and passion. It was almost like private correspondence within our little fandom in groups, and outside the prying eyes of show creators, movie producers, actors and book authors, and it was glorious.
I am still friends with and am still sharing creatively with friends I made during that time period (some I followed into later fandoms). I'm not sure I could say that of fandom friends I made later, with a couple of rare exceptions.
I don't know, I just feel like the commodification and monetization of fandom has really stilted creativity and connections over the years, and I'm hardly involved in fandom circles anymore, because I don't find it enriching and fun. It's just one more space trying to sell me stuff, or is so mired down in unnecessary, quasi-political drama (I blame tumblr, twenty-teens sjw culture and then later twitter and puriteen fandom cultures for the way some of this drama took root, mutated, and spread).
I guess I just miss community. There was a time when fandom spaces truly felt like community. We talked about and debated things in good faith, for the most part, we created art and fic out of love and passion and then shared those creative works freely, and it just doesn't feel that way to me anymore.
Listen, I'm not going to begrudge anyone who needs or wants to make money from their art. I get it. Life is hard, and the economy freakin' sucks, but the commodification of fandom, and the growing popularity of social media platforms and their unhealthy community dynamics did absolutely change fandom culture and not for the better, imo, and sometimes I just miss that old sense of close-knit community and free interchange of art and ideas I used to get in fandom from about 2005 - 2013.
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