#i woke up this morning with like extremely bloodshot eyes and were worried it might be pinkeye

[trees-to-meet-you]

Have to go out without my sunglasses bc it’s dark now if anyone looks at me even once I will kill myself right here and now

[glitteryglitter]

3+5 (Foxface x fem! reader)

𝙰𝙽: This has two endings so you get to choose which one you want! The first one is all angst and pining, the other one is kind of fluffy. I know that I love a cheerful ending, but not everyone does. 

Also, the reader is from district 3. 

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜:  slight angst, violence, and death

𝙿𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐: Foxface x fem! reader

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 3,644

                                                ๑*˚🍓˚*๑

No, no, no. this couldn't be happening. It just couldn't

You stared in horror as your friend and ally, Foxface from district 5 emerged in a horrific outfit on a chariot.

Surprisingly, your feeling of absolute desolation was not from Foxface's outfit or even your own.

Both of which resembled something the Tin Man would wear if he'd donned couture.

Instead, it was a realization.

You would have to kill her.

Allow me to explain why!

You had, like countless others from district 3 in years past had been selected to enter in The Hunger Games and a few days ago, you'd formally met a new friend.

You'd sworn you would have no allies but unfortunately, your friendly personality and cheerful attitude made that a virtually impossible feat.

An extreme problem that as we all know, only results in heartbreak after one's allies are killed.

This certain person, A sly girl from district 5 who was absolutely amazing in every way was someone who you couldn't stop thinking of.

Stealthy, kind, and absolutely, mind-bogglingly good at identifying plants. She was also so smart, with gorgeous amber eyes that always seemed to take your breath away.

Wait-what? Since when did you think about her eyes? You brushed it off.

After all, you had bigger problems and worries.

You smiled placidly and waved to the crowds, all the while stewing over your predicament.

                                                         ๑🍓๑

You looked over your shoulder at Foxface.

"Are you okay?"

You knew she had been nervous about this, you didn't blame her. You were too.

It was incredibly stressful and you had seen what the others could do.

Even you felt like you didn't stand a chance.

she nodded and smiled at you which for some unknown reason caused your heart to flutter.

Waves of worries crashed through your mind.

What would you do if you were the only two who remained? what would you do if she died?

What would you do in general? You knew you couldn't kill, Finch vowed not to, and you knew there were careers trained to do exactly that.

You were reminded of the gravity of the situation as even more tributes joined the parade.

Only one would live.

Your surroundings swirled in front of your eyes.

Your knees felt like jelly, you would have toppled over if it wasn't for your district partner who had grabbed you before you fell.

Y/n are you okay? The rather mousy-looking boy murmured as he firmly held on to your wrist.

"Yes, I'm fine." You smiled appreciatively. You'd be sad to see him go.

Your mind went blank once more as the parade continued.

Finch's mind was still racing though.

Through the next few days, your friendship grew and you became inseparable.

She couldn't shake the feeling that something had changed.

Every time you smiled at her, she felt a warmth in her chest.

She told herself it was the joy of a true friendship.

She wasn't far off.

It was in fact, at lunch, the day before the actual games that she realized what was happening.

                                                         ๑🍓๑

Foxface had just sat down at a table, you flopped down beside her and promptly started crying into your bowl of salad.

As she pulled you into a hallway, the careers looked at one another, sharing the same thought; What was wrong?

Of course, they all knew exactly what was wrong, they were going to be put in a fight to the death the very next day, but no one really felt like saying it.

"Y/n what's wrong? You can tell me anything, I promise."

You sniffed a few times and shook your head. "It's okay, I'm fine. I know I'm probably one of the least prepared people here and I don't stand a chance. I guess I'm just a little bit nervous for tomorrow."

That may have been the biggest understatement of the century.

At the moment, you'd rather eat an entire bag of coffee grounds than go into the games, but unfortunately, it wasn't an option.

"No, y/n, trust me when I say you're prepared. Your odds are fair, you're no career, and you're not great with weapons, I'll be honest, but they're still decent. Your reputation amongst the capitol people is better than ever. That means more sponsors. You will. Be. Okay. I know it."

"But- what about you? I don't know what I'd do if you died, you’re one of the few people that I know I can trust, Finch. I can't have you die. You should be the one who wins. not me."

You replied between sniffles.

It was at that moment that Finch realized something.

As she looked into your puffy, bloodshot eyes she felt the warm feeling in her chest from earlier return.

She had a crush.

Not just a little one either.

A big painful crush that would most likely end in heartbreak, but she didn't care.

She decided then and there to do her best and ensure you won.

"We should wait and see, they might change the rules this year. You never know what they'll throw at us. Perhaps there could be two victors!"

It broke her heart to see the glimmer of hope in your eyes.

She knew it was probably a lie, but if that's what it took to make you content, that's what she would do.

You threw your arms around her "Thank you so much, this means a lot." She awkwardly patted you on the back, not quite used to being hugged, let alone by the very person she was hopelessly crushing on. "Now, let's get back to lunch, ally,"

You linked arms and strolled back into the lunchroom, heads held high, filled with renewed, albeit slightly false hope.

                                                         ๑🍓๑

It was the day of the games. You'd all been placed in your tubes.

Foxface looked over, only to see you positively shaking.

She didn't blame you, half the tributes were.

The countdown began.

You waved and offered her a tentative smile.

Ten seconds to go...

She smiled back.

nine...eight... seven...six...five...She rehearsed the plan in her head.

four...three...two...one...

Chaos ensued.

Foxface bolted. You, in the meantime, de-activated several landmines and pocketed them for future use.

Being from District 3 did have its advantages.

Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad after all!

You'd spoken too soon.

You were thrown out of your small revere by someone grabbing the collar of your shirt.

You whipped your head around as best you could and caught a glimpse of blond hair.

Cato. Oh no- you attempted to kick him in the shin but missed.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the best plan of action.

He pushed you against a trunk of a tree and held his sword to your throat.

A thin line of blood appeared.

He didn't look to be enjoying himself, but he also didn't look like he had any plans to stop your potential decapitation.

Foxface ran through the mess, tributes were being attacked, running, dying, and just overall not having a great first day.

She saw you and ran, only barely avoiding a landmine.

"What are you doing?" she hissed at Cato.

He turned to meet the piercing gaze of your savior.

If looks could kill...He would have fallen over before you could say "career"

Fortunately, this gave you enough time to wriggle out of his arms and kick him in the knees again.

This time, your foot actually made contact with his knee and he fell.

Foxface grabbed his sword and hit him over the head with the hilt. His eyes closed.

"Is he...you know... dead?" You asked, cautiously poking his head with a stick.

"No, probably just stunned. We can leave him, someone else will find him. Let's go, before he wakes up."

You pulled each other through the explosives.

Finally, after what felt like ages the two of you reached relative safety.

                                                         ๑🍓๑

It was gradually getting darker and you decided you'd be better off sleeping.

You placed some small landmines you'd deactivated earlier in front of the cave to discourage any unfortunate intruders and lay down.

Foxface lay down and passed you a bit of bread from her backpack.

While you ate, the two of you drafted out a plan for the next few days and what it would include.

It was decided that you'd take shifts and alternate between who guarded the cave and who got materials, at night, you'd place a landmine outside so if any unwanted visitors attempted to enter...well..you didn't want to think about that.

Finally, after some time, you felt your eyelids get quite heavy.

You lay down on the cave floor, it wasn't really as bad as you'd thought.

The moss was soft and with Foxface nearby, you felt safe.

She lay down beside you and soon, you had both drifted off to sleep.

                                                         ๑🍓๑

You woke up with a start.

It was still dark outside.

The sun hadn't quite risen yet and the stars were still visible in the sky.

Then you felt an arm wrap around your waist.

Foxface had thrown her arm around you in her sleep.

You felt your face heat up.

She didn't seem like the type to do this and you were sure if she woke up, she surely wouldn't speak to you ever again.

She would be positively fuming...

Voices, barely distinguishable from the birds in the trees were heard in the distance.

"Wazzamatter?" Finch mumbled, still half asleep, blinking sleepily, oblivious to the fact that her arm was still around your waist. 

Your heart melted.

"Nothing, I thought I heard something, but it was just a squirrel."

"We should probably get started, we'll need supplies and it would be better to stay inside during the day. "

You nodded. This would give you time to think about what had happened that morning. 

You carefully extracted yourself from her grasp and prepared for the day ahead 

As Foxface left, you noticed a small package drift from the sky in a parachute.

Your heart leaped. A sponsor! Foxface was right, they would be of use!

Oh, you could just kiss her right now you were so happy!

Wait- what? She's your best friend! What are you thinking Y/n! You don't kiss your best friend.

You opened it to see bandages, alcohol, and a note.

You stared at the note. "For the couple from 3 and 5, stay safe! -a friend in the capitol"

Your eyes went wide.

Did they think that you liked each other?

Was there a possibility that you liked her?

You sat down abruptly as you realized, Yes. Yes you did.

You shook your head. Now was not the time for crushing!

While you cleaned, you thought about the morning.

You were sure it was just a coincidence, it was probably just nothing. But still- what if she felt the same?

You remembered the note and tried to suppressed the small twinge of hope that it provided.

It was probably nothing.

They must just feel sorry for you.

Unrequited love was definitely a tragedy that the capitol would love.

You continued to mull this over until you heard a rustling in the leaves.

You cautiously poked your head out, only to see Foxface looking quite wounded sitting in the cave's entrance.

You immediately rushed to her side.

"I stole some food from the district four boy and he noticed. Stabbed me with his trident. I don't think it's infected yet, but I don't think I can walk normally."

You looked to the side where your package had landed and grabbed a bottle of alcohol.

As Foxface coached you through bandaging her leg, you only felt your feelings towards her grow. it really was remarkable.

You hoped you'd manage to get through the games.

Together.

                                                         ๑🍓๑

As the days progressed, you reached a sort of routine and it became almost second nature.

That was of course until the announcement of a feast was made.

You and Finch had made a plan. She'd get materials, you would make sure everything was clear and distract if necessary.

That's when you heard a rustling in the bushes.

The female tribute from District 12, Katniss was crouched in the shrubbery with an arrow pointed directly at you.

You bolted.

You weren't sure where you'd go but as long as Foxface was okay and you weren't shot, you were pretty sure it was the right place.

You felt an arrow graze your leg and you turned around only to have Katniss smack into you.

You tried your best to reason with her while she pinned you down.

She grabbed an arrow from her quiver that would surely end up in your heart.

At that moment, Foxface ran past, and stopped dead in her tracks.

"Go, I'll be okay!"

She opened her mouth to say something, but you cut her off.

"Please! I promise I'll come back, just get to safety!" you cried, sounding rather choked.

Come on, Y/n you can do this. Almost everyone else has.

"I'm so sorry. I wish I didn't have to do this," you whispered.

Katniss's eyes went wide as you shakily held a knife to her throat.

You weren't sure how you felt about this.

"Goodbye, Katniss. Sweet dreams." you cooed.

Before you could change your mind, you sliced the knife through her neck, got up, and ran into the woods, still getting used to the feeling of a weapon in your hands.

A cannon could be heard in the distance.

                                                         ๑🍓๑

You sat down heavily in shock. You had just done the unimaginable.

You'd killed a tribute.

Foxface plopped down beside you.

"Did you get her?" she asked, her voice sounding just as exhausted and hollow as the both of you felt.

"Yes, I did."

The reality of what you'd done hit you.

Of course, you'd experienced it, but it was a whole different thing to actually admit it.

To say that you'd killed someone and know that there would be no consequences except the moral ones.

The ones that stayed in your mind and haunted you for years to come.

If they did come that is.

"What happened to the others?"

"They killed each other off." She took a few berries out of the backpack that she'd managed to grab at the feast.

What are those?

She gave you a look. "Take a guess"

Your eyes widened.

                                                   ๑*˚🍓˚*๑

Ending 1 (Angst and death!)

"Foxface, no, please don't do this," you begged

She shook her head. "You heard the rules, y/n there can only be one victor now. It should be you. there's no use pretending like there is another way out for both of us."

She took a handful of berries from her backpack and cradled them in her hands, thinking over her decision.

"But you promised-"

Your words brought her back to the lunch at the training center.

It felt like years ago, but it had only been a few days.

That was when it hit her.

She'd never told you her feelings. The girl she liked- no- loved would never know.

As she thought, a terrible idea came into your mind.

You knew it wouldn't end well but alas, you had been well aware of it from the start.

Finally, you grabbed a handful of berries from Foxface's hand making sure to scatter the rest far away. If one of you had to be a victor, it was going to be her.

You would make sure of it.

“What are you doing Y/n?!” she gasped.

It was too late. You'd already swallowed the berries.

She cradled you in her arms, begging you to stay alive a few moments more.

"Foxface, I wish I told you this earlier, I know you don't feel the same, but at this point, I just need to let you know. You have been a true friend and I couldn't have wished for a better ally. I should have told you this sooner, I love you. With all my heart. I really do and not even death can change that." You rambled. The berries making your mind foggier by the minute.

"Y/n I- I do feel the same. You mean so much to me and if I had only known-"

With that, you kissed her cheek, careful to get none of the night lock near her mouth.

"Goodbye Finch, I love you"

"-If I had known, I would have told you that I loved you too. We would have gone on dates, had a future together, and I know it doesn't seem likely, but we would have made it work, if only-"

her voice trailed off as you went limp in her arms.

A cannon went off.

"if I'd only seen it sooner-" she trailed off quietly.

A loud voice proclaimed Finch of District 5 the winner of the 54th Hunger Games yet she didn’t seem to hear a thing

In fact, she didn't react in the slightest.

Foxface stared at your lifeless body. The color still draining from your cheeks.

Even though you were dead, the night lock berries still staining your lips a deep navy, you had to be the most gorgeous girl she'd ever laid eyes on.

"Goodbye, y/n I love you too," she said, her voice slightly choked with tears she refused to let fall.

She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't give the capitol the satisfaction of seeing her distress.

She would later go on to interviews, refusing to say more than a few grief and anger-filled sentences to let the capitol know exactly how she felt about everything.

They had killed her girlfriend and she would make sure they knew what they'd done.

                                                   ๑*˚🍓˚*๑

Ending 2 (less sad! Slight angst and swearing, but no death! )

"Foxface, why are you doing this? I should be the one to go, not you."

"No y/n I can't let you. "

"But Finch-"

"Why y/n? Tell me why you should die. You are brave, sweet, and kind. Hell, you even apologized to Katniss before slitting her throat. I should be the one to die. Not! You!"

She was yelling now, but you needed to argue your case.

You had to stifle a hollow laugh. This was the most comically dark and strange situation imaginable. Arguing with your crush about which one of you should die.

"But why? I know you said that I should stay alive, but you keep forgetting about yourself. You have a family to go home to as well. They love you, they care, and they miss you! Plus, you taught me the bravery that you claim I have!"

"You want to know why y/n? It's because I love you. A lot. If you died, I don't know what I would do. " Foxface clapped a hand over her mouth.

"You love me? Like, love me?" You blinked numbly. 

She sighed. "That sounded awful, I'm sorry for arguing. I know I shouldn't have said it, but you’ve always stayed by my side. You never failed to see my value. You even convinced me that having a 5 in training didn't make me weak."

"It doesn't though!" You remarked.

 "Look at where we are now! The last two tributes. We would be out of this mess too if we just had some way to get out together."

Both of you looked at the ground where the berries lay scattered, looked at each other, and nodded with the same idea in your heads.

Each of you picked up some berries and took a deep breath.

"Foxface, I love you too. I mean it. This is the worst possible situation to ever tell someone this, but it's true."

With that, she kissed you gently. 

"So it's settled then?"

"I think so."

"Goodbye Y/n."

"Goodbye, Foxface."

"Okay Y/n you've got this," You told yourself.

3...

2...

1...

"WAIT STOP!" A loud voice shrieked.

You and Foxface both looked up, the poisonous berries inches away from your mouths

"THERE HAS BEEN ONE MORE CHANGE OF RULES"

You stared at each other in confusion.

"CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR FIRST EVER TWO VICTORS, Y/N FROM DISTRICT 3 AND FINCH FROM DISTRICT 5! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION! GOODBYE!"

~several days later~

The Capitol was completely taken with the first couple to win the games.

Upon being interviewed, Foxface's response was "We're a team. We always were and always will be," and you couldn't agree more.

                                                   ๑*˚🍓˚*๑ 

[rebel-without-cause-x]

Stone Cold Sober

Jax Teller x Reader

REQUESTED BY @everyhowlmarksthedead // OH, HI. WHAT A COINCIDENCE, ISN'T IT? 😏 I was thinking about Jax confesing to reader his feelings for her, being drunk, but she doesn't believe him and he gets angry, feeling like the fucking Hulk and destroying everything on his path. You choose the end, and if reader feels something for him or not ✨😎👌🏻

A/N: AND YOUR GIRL IS BACK 🙌🏼 lyrics are in bold

Glancing up at the clock on the wall, a sigh left Jax’s lips, it was 3pm and he was already 6 beers and 2 glasses of whiskey in.

What started off as a bit of Dutch courage ended up in him deciding to get slaughtered but at least if shit went south he hopefully he wouldn’t remember it come morning. He was going to pour his heart out and confess tonight at the party.

Hearing your laugh fill the room, he took a deep breath downing the rest of his beer he pushed himself off the stool, stumbling into you as he did.

“Whoa there blondy” you laughed helping Jax stand up right “looks like you started the party without me”

“Meh” he shrugged

“Everything okay?” You asked slightly concerned for your friend.

“Just peachy” Jax said with a slight slur before wandering off, swaying side to side as he did.

He never got this drunk at 3pm so you knew something was weighing heavy on his mind, but you knew from years of experience never to push for details off Jax as it just made things worse, he would tell you when he wanted.

The night went on and you currently had a nice buzz as you sat on the bench lighting a smoke.

You had noticed Jax was extremely drunk right now and you were getting worried. Until he stumbled over to you pretty much becoming a dead weight as he laid on you causing you to fall back on the bench.

“There’s my beautiful angel” he slurred placing his hand on your cheek “I love you”

“I love you too jackie” you laughed “but right now you are kinda crushing me”

“No no no no you don’t understand” he said “I love you, as in I want to kiss you so bad, I want to do everything couples do, I want you to be mine”

You instantly stopped moving, his words weighing you down now. Trying not to read too much into it because he was so drunk.

“And you are drunk Jax” you sighed “come morning you will have forgot what you have said and we will go back to being Y/N and Jax, the friends that ignore the tension”

“Right” he mumbled “yeah you are right I’m being stupid, I’m drunk and don’t know what I’m say, don’t worry about it”

Somehow he managed to push his drunken self off you and as quick as he appeared he had disappeared. Leaving you wondering what the hell just happened.

“You know drunken mind but sober heart” Happy said appearing from nowhere.

“Shit Hap what have I told you about sneaking up on me” you breathed placing your hand over your heart.

“Didn’t mean I listened to you” he smirked “but don’t rule out what he said as drunken words”

“Oh eavesdropping now” you winked, punching his chest.

Jax had now locked himself in his dorm room, anger running through his veins, he should have never said anything, he knew he would never be more than friends with you.

He should have stayed quiet.

His feelings just got too much for him as hot tears ran down his cheeks as he threw the bottle of Jim Beam against the wall watching the bottle shatter, just like his heart did moments ago.

Something flipped inside of him as he started smashing his room up. If it wasn’t nailed to the floor it was being launched at the wall. Picking up the photo frame he kept at the side of his bed, he ran his fingers over the picture letting a few tears drop onto the glass. You looked like a couple in the picture, it was from the weekend you fake dated for your cousins wedding. Taking a deep breath he threw the photo at the wall watching it break and fall to the floor.

His fit of rage was too much for him as he laid on his bed before passing out.

I woke up hungover

But still had to call you

'Cause I just realized girl

That maybe it was all true, yeah

As Jax opened his eyes, he realised just how hungover he was. Letting his eyes adjust to the light flooding into his room, he looked around his now trashed room before remembering his fit of rage last night.

He didn’t know what you did after, did you stay and continue drinking? Or did you go home?

Running his hands over his face as he sighed, he needed something to help this hangover so pushed himself off the bed before going on the hunt for coffee.

Happy was the only one up.

“You look rough brother” he nodded as he ate his cereal.

“Feel it as well” Jax sighed “did Y/N get home okay?”

“She’s still here, she’s probably passed out in my room” Happy said.

He saw the cogs turning in Jax brain followed by an angry expression.

“Not like that, look you disappeared at 9pm and I needed to get Opie as didn’t want to leave him alone for the night so we got an Uber and went to pick him up and you know when he is here she passes out curled up to the dog” Happy laughed.

I let the whiskey talk

And baby it said too much

I got the feeling now

It didn't say enough

'Cause I'm waking up alone

Missing that midnight kiss

I can't promise you forever

All I know is I still want you to come over

And I'm stone cold sober

“What’s up Jax?” Happy asked “something’s on your mind”

“I definitely let the whiskey talk last night” he huffed “but now I don’t think it said enough”

“I heard what you said last night and it’s just because you were so drunk Jax” Happy said placing his hand on Jax’s shoulder “just speak to her, now you are sober let her know what you said was true”

“It just sucked waking up alone you know, when she stays here she’s in my bed 95 percent of the time” Jax sighed “I don’t know if i fucked things up, I didn’t plan on being that drunk when I told her”

“Tell her today then” he shrugged “but sober”

Well I can lie about 99 percent of the time

When I've had too much to drink

Yeah I do stupid things

But this time is different

And baby it feels so right

I hope you were listening

To every word I said last night

Jax had scrapped the coffee he just needed to speak to you and clear the air.

Pushing the door open to Happys dorm he could help but smile as you had your body curled around Opie’s, your head resting on his back. He knew how much you loved the dog.

Sitting on the end of the bed, he watched you sleep for a few minutes before he ran his hands through your hair, making you stir from your sleep.

“Hey sleepy” he smiled at you.

“How’s the head?” You mumbled as you sat up stretching.

“Sore” he shrugged “but with how much I drunk I’m not surprised”

You both fell into an awkward silence.

“I let the whiskey talk last night” Jax sighed as he scratched behind Opie’s ear.

“I knew it was just because you were dru-“

“I’m not finished darlin” he half laughed looking up at you “yes at the time it might have said too much but now I don’t think it said enough”

You stayed quiet as Jax placed his hand on your thigh.

“Look I can’t promise you forever with the life I live but baby I hope you were listening to every word I said last night” he whispered keeping his gaze trained on his hand “yeah I know I got bloodshot eyes, but it’s all crystal clear that I don’t need Jim Beam to know I need you here”

“So everything you said last night” you trailed off

“Was true and yes I should have gone about it in a better way but after I disappeared I smashed my room up and passed out” he said looking up at you. “But I couldn’t hold my feelings back any longer, every time you introduce a new boyfriend I just want to kill them, I hate seeing you in the arms of another man”

“Jax” you breathed before confessing “you know I only did that to make you jealous”

“What”

“Yeah I didn’t know if you felt the same so why do you think the relationship never lasted that long” you whispered taking his hand in yours “because my heart belongs to a badass blonde biker who is the biggest idiot I know”

“Can I kiss you?” He whispered leaning forward resting his forehead against yours.

“Took you long enough to ask boy” you giggled.

The feeling of his lips on yours was euphoric, your mouths working in sync saying all the words that you couldn’t. The kiss left your whole body tingling and wanting more.

Pulling away when your lungs started burning from the lack of air you rested your forehead against Jax’s, a goofy smile on your face.

“What do you say we bail and go get some breakfast” he breathed “lord knows I need something to soak the alcohol up”

“Sounds like a plan Batman” you giggled before getting off the bed.

“You are such a dork do you know that?” Jax laughed, following you out the room with his hand planted on your lower back.

“Yeah I know” you winked looking at him over your shoulder “but you love it”

“Damn right I do darlin’”

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[particularnervous]

A Lifetime of ‘I Love You’s’

Hello! I hope you enjoy this :) 

Summary: You and Shawn have been best friends forever, and through the years, ‘I love you’s’ have began to mean more than either of you could explain.

--

You’re eleven the first time Shawn tells you that he loves you. You’re crying, your sister had just left for University, and he didn’t know how to handle your emotions. You never cried, it was a running joke in your family that you didn’t have any emotions. You came from a family that cried when they saw a cute dog on the street, so it was a bit odd. That’s why, though, when you’re sitting in front of Shawn’s house crying, he panics, and the only thing he can say is: “I love you.” Now I guess this wasn’t the first time, because when you guys were really young and your mom would say it to you, there are videos of Shawn squeaking out the same words, all the adults laughing as he tumbled towards you on his always clumsy feet, arms stretched out wide. But, this was the first time he had said it and really meant it, face immediately flushing and hands getting clammy. His heart was beating quicker than it had been when he didn’t know how to help, and that’s saying a lot because Shawn hates feeling out of control. Whether he knew what he was doing or not, though, his comment had the desired effect. You stopped crying immediately, took a deep breath, and started laughing. Shawn’s embarrassment flamed and he immediately started backpedalling.

“You’re such a loser,” you had wailed out, “I love you”, you mocked Shawn. You followed him into the house still laughing and Shawn grabbed a pillow off the couch and swung to smack you with it.

“Will you shut up! I was trying to make you feel better and you’re being a dick.” Shawn’s eyes swept across the living room to see if anyone was around to hear him swear, and you caught a glimpse of the hurt behind them. You immediately stopped laughing, guilt entering you when with the realization that this wasn’t a joke to him, this wasn’t funny.

“Shawn,” you stepped forward, reaching out to touch his arm, and he moved away. Dejectedly, you sat down on the couch and grabbed the remote.

“Wanna watch SpongeBob?” You asked him quietly, the air feeling tense. This was the first time that either of you had really had your feelings hurt by the other, and you weren’t quite sure how to deal with it. Wordlessly, Shawn plopped himself down beside you, crossing his arms and watching the scene begin to unfold in front of him. This lasted for about ten minutes before you turned to look at him.

“You know, I love you too.” You said, a new feeling rising in your tummy. It felt weird to say it, kind of awkward, but it was true. You didn’t love Shawn like you loved your parents, or the way you loved the family dog. It felt different, but not any less.

Shawn scooted closer to you and put his arm around your shoulder, and the two of you sunk quietly into the same routine as usual, curled up together and watching TV.

The next time Shawn’s “I love you” leaves you reeling is at eighteen. He was just about to leave for tour, flying out the next morning, and he had showed up at your door having what could only be described as an extremely early midlife crisis.

His eyes were bloodshot and puffy and he was holding his journal, the one that you had teased him about when you found even though you had a very similar one under your mattress. The second you open the door he starts going on about how he doesn’t think he’s ready to leave, how it doesn’t feel right to leave now. His voice cracks and he’s crying but you know how to deal with it now, seven years has taught you a lot about emotions and your friendship with Shawn. His curls are wild and his eyes match as you pull him up to your room and sit him down on the bed. He’s still going on when you take off his shoes and his jacket, placing them near the door. The tears are still streaming when you lay back with him, stroking his hair until he eventually calms down.

“Okay,” you start once his breathing slows and he’s stopped crying, “why don’t you tell me what’s going on.” He stays quiet for a second, and you take this time to study him. He’s wearing jogging pants, the one’s you bought him from Lululemon earlier that year, and a sweatshirt. It’s early July, way too hot for this outfit, and that’s how you know that he’d been trying to comfort himself long before he showed up at your door. He always made himself comfortable and warm when he was feeling anxious, saying he wanted it to feel like a hug. Your heart hurt for your best friend and you pressed yourself closer, tightening your grip on him. He tensed at first before relaxing into your familiar embrace, and sighing.

“Do you think I’m making a mistake?” He finally asks, and the words sit idle in between us for a second. Your impulse is to gasp out a, “what! Shawn, are you crazy?” like you usually do when he asks these things, but you stop yourself before you can. This isn’t what he needs right now. This isn’t a quick reassurance for him, this is big and important and you can feel the pain rippling off of him.

You’d seen this coming, you honestly had. It was the summer before everyone went away to school and started their new, adult lives. Shawn had been in the stands when you graduated a few weeks prior, whooping and shouting and embarrassing the hell out of you in the way you knew he would. He had been, and still was, so proud of you, prouder than he could ever put into words. But you watched as he took it all in, the graduation, the end of the year parties, the social media posts from old friends about what Universities they were going to. He felt disconnected and left out. You had tried to ease his worries subtly, not wanting to confront his feelings because Shawn didn’t do well with that. It was a simple, “I can’t believe I have to go back to school in a couple months, I’d rather be touring the world with you, Rockstar” or “Did you see Jenny is going backpacking around South America in September? I think it’s cool that people are doing different things.” I wanted him to know that his life was amazing and pure and just as important as all of us graduating and moving on, because it didn’t mean we were moving on from him.

So, instead of saying what I usually would, I moved my head to kiss his forehead, and smoothed his hair back.

“Shawn Mendes, you are the most incredible person I know. You are making a difference in so many people’s lives, including mine, and especially including yours. You love what you do, and you can’t even try to deny it because you are your happiest when you’re on stage or writing or meeting fans. Your path might not be the usual, and it might look different than mine and everyone else we went to school with, but that doesn’t mean it’s a mistake.” He relaxes completely then, a choked sob coming out of his mouth as he takes in what I’m saying to him.

“I’m going to miss you so much, y/n.” He says, and it feels deeper than usual, more meaningful. It’s tinged with the promise of him coming back and the hint of what’s been crackling between the two of you for months now, and the unsettled questions of what their future looks like.

He leaves an hour or so later, having to go home and sleep for his early flight the next morning, and you walk him out to his car.

“You’re going to be great, Rockstar.” You say, and he smiles and kisses the top of your head as he hugs you. The two of you are pressed against his jeep and you stay there for a minute in the sticky air, holding on to each other.

“I love you.” He says into your hair, and like his comment earlier, it’s tinged with so much more. In the confines of your fear and the unknown, though, you pull away and smile at him, all but shoving him into his car.

“I love you too, I’ll see you in a month.” That’s a lie, you’re actually going to see him in a week in California when you join him on tour for a month, but he doesn’t know that yet, and even at his lowest, you wouldn’t ruin that surprise for him.

He pulls out of the driveway and everything suddenly seems confusing and overwhelming and important. You can’t make sense of it, and you’re not entirely sure if it’s good or bad, but you’re here and the line you didn’t know existed has been crossed, and there’s no going back now.

At twenty, you meet Shawn in Portland during tour. You were halfway through your degree and Shawn had begged you to the ends of the earth to come on tour with him this summer. You couldn’t, of course, because you needed to work to pay your tuition, but then one day you woke up to a screenshot of your tuition balance being in the negatives and you called Shawn demanding an answer. You screamed and screamed and didn’t talk to him for days when he told you he paid your tuition (you really shouldn’t use the same password for everything) and now you could come visit him, but eventually gave in after he convinced your parents that spending your summer travelling with your best friend would be beneficial to your self-growth and discovery, or some bullshit like that. But because they love and trust Shawn, they were all for it, and that’s how you find yourself in the Portland airport, two days after Shawn had landed and started rehearsals.

Getting from the airport to the hotel had been a whirlwind of security and fans and pictures and somehow you were now standing under the showerhead in the fancy bathroom of a fancy hotel suite you were sharing with Shawn. The shower smelt like him and you were hit suddenly with how much you missed him and how comforting being here, surrounded by his scent and his things and him was. Your feelings for Shawn had sprouted and grown and bloomed since that day two years ago, but nothing had been said between the two of you. It was as if his time on tour in 2017 had quieted whatever was silently said between the two of you, and you can’t help but think back on that and wonder what could have been if he would have stayed.

It’s later that night when you’re both in bed watching Grey’s Anatomy that he asks you what happened with that boy you went on a date with a few weeks ago. The question comes out of the blue and you momentarily blank thinking about a date you’ve been on, but quickly shake it off and tell him that it wasn’t great after the first date so you politely told the guy thanks, but no thanks. Shawn knew this and knew you would have told him if anything else had happened with this guy from your Criminology elective.

“So, you’re interested in that then? Dating, I mean.” The question is awkward, he knows it and so do I, and he’s playing with the hem of his old and worn in t-shirt, ignoring all eye-contact with me. I wasn’t sure really how to answer that because on one hand I was only interested in dating one person, him, and on the other hand, I couldn’t wait around hopelessly in love with him forever.

“I mean, I’m not really one to go out on random dates, I’m not really into doing things without feelings.” It’s the truth, really, because I’m way too shy and introverted to make small talk and get to know someone without really knowing them already.

“So, is there someone you have feelings for?” I laugh slightly, only because of the irony of the question, and puff out a breath. Once again, these are all things I’d tell Shawn. Every time I’ve liked someone at every point in our lives, I’ve told Shawn. I think back to Thomas in grade ten, how Shawn had to tell me to shut up because I was talking about him too much.

“I would tell you if there was.” I said, but even to me my answer seemed like a lie, and I had never been good at lying, especially to Shawn. He looked at me then, eyes cutting right through me. I never felt self-conscious in front of him, not even when I’m changing, but right now I feel the most uneasy I’ve ever felt under his gaze. I know he knows, in that moment there’s no way he doesn’t, he can see right through me. But instead of saying anything, he turns back to the show that’s playing on his laptop, presses play, and leaves me to think about what the hell just happened.

I’m in the crowd the next night in Portland. I told Shawn I wanted to be barricade at b-stage (“B-Stage is always the best part of the set list and you can’t argue me on that”) the first time I see him perform this tour, and there I am surrounded by people whose energy I’m picking up on and matching. I recognize some of them from the accounts I stalk on Twitter when I really miss Shawn, and I feel comfortable and at ease and happy here.

The show is fantastic as I knew it would be, and I’m crying and screaming right alongside everyone else. He slows it down slightly when he gets to B-Stage, and I’m grinning up at him a couple songs later when he clears his throat and waits for the screams to die down.

“This next one means a lot to me, especially tonight. If you know the words, please sing along with me.” The opening strums of ‘When You’re Ready’ start and my heart begins to pound. When I first heard this song, way before the album release, I was sitting in the back of Shawn’s car while it was pouring rain. He was watching me intently and I felt like I couldn’t breathe because there was so much in this song that we needed to say to each other. It felt like that now, too, as he stared at me while the lyrics rang out around me. I’m surrounded by them, then, and I feel it all around me suddenly. I’m in love with Shawn, and it isn’t going anywhere. But in that moment, I know he feels the same way.

The concert ends with an energy I’ve never seen before, and I try so hard to stay in the moment. Confetti is everywhere and I’m basically choking on it, and if I couldn’t breathe before I definitely can’t now. I don’t know what to do with myself so I stand there, waiting, until security finally grabs me and escorts be backstage. The arena feels huge suddenly, though I could’ve walked from my spot in the crowd to backstage in just a few minutes, and I want to beg security to hurry up. I’m tempted to run away, bolt towards where I know Shawn is behind the dark curtains and stage, but I force myself to just take a deep breath and walk.

Backstage is a chaotic mess. There are so many people and I’m pushing passed them all franticly trying desperately to find Shawn. Usually this would be so thrilling to me, I’d bask in the post-show excitement and energy, but right now I’m only focused on Shawn. After what feels like hours I see him and he sees me and time slows down and speeds up all at once while we push towards each other. Andrew stops mid-sentence and the security guard backs away from me and they’re all there but all gone when Shawn finally reaches me and says, “I’m in love with you.”

And this, this one’s the best.

[arcticdolans]

Lies Pt. 2

Summary: Y/N and Ethan attempt to confront Grayson about his drinking problems, and visit his house to collect Y/N's belongings.

Words: 2k

Warnings: Cursing, drinking, mentions of abuse and depression, angsty Grayson again

A/N: Here is part 2!! I hope you guys enjoy it, and make sure you read to the end for the drama 🙃

Part three will be coming soon x

-----------------------------------

Previous Chapter:

He starts to speak again. "I just hope you realise how much you mean to me." My eyes were trained on his, searching for a hint of dishonesty.

He leaned down and pressed his forehead against mine.

"I mean it Y/N," he whispered.

---

I looked up at Ethan again, my eyes searching his. I don't know what I expected to see, but certainly not love or admiration. His lips turned up in a beautiful half smile and I was sort of surprised to notice that I smiled back unconsciously. I leant forward and rested my head against his chest. We stood there for a while, my arms wrapped around his waist and his large hand rubbing small and soothing circles around my back.

"It's going to be ok Y/N. You'll see," Ethan murmured.

Eventually he pulled away from me to tend to the breakfast he was cooking for the both of us.

I hadn't even taken the time to notice before, but the heavenly scent of pancakes wafted up from the stove, making my mouth water immediately. I turned around and began to grab syrup out of the pantry and ice cream from the freezer.

"Could you grab the cutlery for me Y/N?" Ethan asked.

Nodding to myself, wrapped in a bubble of thought, I pulled two forks and two knives from the drawer. Suddenly I felt a jab in my ribs and I jumped up in surprise. I turned around to face Ethan and saw him doubled over in laughter. "You- you should have seen your face!" He wheezed, slapping his hand on the bench. I took one more look at him and began laughing at nothing but the situation we were in. Me - someone who had just separated from her long term boyfriend, someone who was emotionally and physically unstable, then Ethan - my best friend for even longer than I had been dating Grayson. It was lucky that we had connected so well when we first met in high school. He was in my maths class and we had been assigned seats next to each other on the first day of the year, where he attempted to flirt with me the entire lesson. I had met Grayson the day after, when he was chatting with one of my friends in science, and I was immediately blown away by his good looks and effortless charm. I almost wished that I could go back to those days, but then I wouldn't have formed the strong relationship with Ethan that I have now. I am extremely grateful for his friendship and support over the past few years, especially now as I sit in his home the morning after breaking up with his twin brother. Ethan set the pancakes down on the table and motioned for me to dig in.

"Thank you Ethan," I said sincerely.

"For the pancakes?" He attempts a joke.

Cracking a small smile I replied, "for everything."

Ethan nodded in understanding and reached across the table to grasp my hand in his. I almost flinched at his touch, but then I remembered that I could trust Ethan. He wouldn't hurt me. He wasn't his brother. I held his hand for a moment, then gave it a small squeeze and pulled back.

"What do you want to do today?" He asked me, returning his hand back to his meal.

I speared a bit of pancake on my fork and ate it slowly, thinking before I answered.

"I was thinking of going back to Grayson's place and talking to him," I started. I then registered the incredulous expression on Ethan's face, and tried to redeem myself. "I mean, I do need to get my stuff."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah I guess you can't sleep in my t-shirts forever."

I blushed and giggled, looking down at the large t-shirt I had thrown on over my shorts when I woke up this morning.

"You can if you want to. It's just - I don't know, you might not-" Ethan stuttered, backtracking furiously.

"It's ok Ethan, I know you don't mind." I laughed. The truth is, I loved wearing his shirts. Whenever I came over, even if it was just to watch a movie, I was sure to put on one of his sweaters. They were comfortable to say the least, but there was something about his scent that I just couldn't get enough of.

I looked up, and Ethan was staring at me with his bottom lip snagged between his teeth. My heart fluttered like the wings of a thousand butterflies. I swallowed my unnecessary nerves and raised an eyebrow at Ethan. He was just my friend, right?

After finishing our breakfast, I headed to Ethan's room to get dressed back into my clothes that I had worn over the night before. I glanced over at my plain grey singlet and sighed to myself.

"E?" I called out.

"Yeah?" He replied. I heard his hurried footsteps thudding up the stairs. Ethan poked his head around the bedroom door, and when he laid eyes on me, his jaw clenched visibly. I was standing there in my plain black bra and denim cutoffs, and I looked down at myself before shrugging and returning my gaze to Ethan.

"Can I.. uhhh borrow one of your shirts to wear?" I said with a smirk, almost laughing at his obvious discomfort.

Ethan cleared his throat, and trained his eyes on mine. "Of course Y/N, pick whichever."

I nodded happily to myself, and selected a white and yellow striped Guess tee. I tucked it into my shorts, and laced up my vans. Turning around, I noticed that Ethan was still standing at the door.

"What?" I asked him with a giggle.

He chuckled and shook his head, motioning for me to follow him out of the house.

In the car, I fiddled with the hem of me shorts. I couldn't deny the fact that I was anxious to see Grayson, and to see how he would react with me showing up with Ethan. My goal was to enter the house through the back door, and sneak up to my old bedroom without being caught. Realistically, I knew that wasn't going to happen. I let out a huge sigh, and threaded my fingers through my hair in worry.

"You still okay with this Y/N?" Ethan asked me, his eyes finding mine in the rear-view mirror.

I bit my lip and nodded to reassure myself. After all, I had every right to enter the house. Ethan's hand reached over the arm rest, and grasped mine in a quick squeeze. I smiled over at him and held on to his hand as if my life depended on it.

Just then, we pulled up into the driveway of the house. We exited the car and walked around the side gate, taking care not to stand in view of the windows in case Grayson was home. I reached the door before Ethan, and with a turn of the key, we had entered the house. I looked back at Ethan, and held out my hand. He took it with a small smile, and gently led me into the living room. I surveyed the scene with fear blossoming in my veins. There were damp patches of liquid on the rug, and multiple spots of smashed glass littering the floor. I gasped and drew closer to Ethan as I saw Grayson's figure lying lopsided on the couch.

"Y/N? Listen to me okay? We're going to go grab your bags and get out of here as soon as possible. Grayson looks completely gone." Ethan said, dragging my stiff body towards the staircase.

I reacted almost instantly, and quietly made my way up the stairs. Once I reached the bedroom, I opened the closet and grabbed out my duffle bag with majority of my clothes, my memory box, and my makeup case.

"Here, I'll hold them." Ethan whispered.

I nodded and passed him my belongings, and we headed down the stairs.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing in my house?" A deep voice drawled.

My heart in my throat, I turned around to see Grayson standing next to the couch, no more than two steps away from me. I searched his bloodshot eyes to find nothing but scathing hatred. I stepped back, and almost ran into Ethan.

Crap.

Grayson's gaze turned do his twin brother, and he looked down on Ethan in disgust.

"How dare you bring him in here

Y/N!" Grayson slurred as he stumbled over to us.

Stupidly, I chose to cower behind Ethan, placing him directly in Grayson's firing line.

"Grayson please. Don't hurt Y/N any more than you already have. She doesn't deserve this rubbish, and I thought that you of all people would understand that." Ethan said, putting his arm out in front of me.

"Ahhh I see how this is," Grayson began. "You piece of shit, thinking you can steal my girl after I make one mistake! Waiting to pounce when I fuck up right?"

I looked up to Ethan, noting the obvious tension in his jaw.

"Stay away from her Gray. You understand?" He muttered.

The rage in Grayson's expression bubbled over at that very moment. With a menacing roar, he lunged forward at Ethan and lands a heavy punch on his unsuspecting cheekbone. I gasped in horror as Ethan staggered back under the force of the punch.

"Ethan! Are you okay?" I asked, my hands fluttering up to his cheek. I swipe away some blood with my thumb, and almost push him out the back door.

"I'm fine Y/N, I'm fine." He murmurs, pulling me with him.

I turn back to face Grayson one last time, and with all the strength and adrenaline in my body, I slap him across the face.

"How dare you Grayson Dolan?" I screamed in his face.

He stepped back in shock, and slowly lifted a bruised hand up to his cheek.

"You've taken this way too far. First hurting me and now your brother? What are you thinking?" I stop to survey his emotions, and all I see is a blank, brown-eyed stare attempting to penetrate my figurative shield.

"I'm done here Grayson! Do you hear that? To think that I wasted years of my life for this? I am almost mad at myself!" I stormed out of the house with Ethan in hot pursuit, his mouth wide agape in shock.

In the car, Ethan starts the ignition, and we speed towards home.

Suddenly I can't breathe. I reach over to Ethan and claw at his arm. His eyes widen as he looks at me in alarm. He pullsthe car into a deserted car park, where I immediately open the door, and collapse onto the gravel. My heart thuds in my chest, and my head feels empty. I barely register Ethan's comforting arms wrapping around me, and his strong hands pulling me to his chest.

"It's okay Y/N. You're fine. I'm fine. We're both okay, see?" He murmurs into my ear.

I nod frantically between choked sobs, as I try to calm myself down.

"I'm so sorry Ethan. I'm so sorry." I whisper this over and over again as he shushes me.

I lift my chin up to see his already bruised cheek. With a final sob, I reach up to caress his face with my fingertips. His warm eyes find mine, and he softens under my hand.

"Oh Ethan." I whisper, pressing my forehead to his like I had done many times before. "What are we going to do?"

[apologieslogan]

Overwhelming- Chapter 4

HELLO YES IM SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG :((((((( I'm not extremely proud of this but I'm happy that I finished it!! woooo!!!!

Warnings: crying, mild panic, fluff, tell me if I missed!!1

pairing: LAMP

Words: 2938

Last Chapter

The first thing Logan noticed when he woke up was that Patton was wrapped around him as tight as physically possible. Logan had no qualms about that. Patton was still asleep, so Logan allowed himself to just enjoy admiring his boyfriend’s face. He trailed his hands across Patton’s cheekbones, moving to trace against his jaw. Logan felt so much love for the man in front of him. The man who lets him put his guard down and be himself without fear of judgement. The man who saw Logan at his very worst and not only chose to stay, but felt guilt for not helping sooner. Logan leaned in to gently press his lips against Patton’s, love surging in his chest and making it hard to breathe. He clung to Patton the way Patton clung to him. As he lay there, overcome with emotions, he felt his boyfriend start to rouse.

Patton woke up to a very cuddly, affectionate Logan. He looked down to see his boyfriend clinging onto him for dear life. Patton tightened his grip on Logan, feeling indescribable love for the man in his arms.

“What a wonderful way to wake up.” Patton says, voice still gravely with sleep.

“I agree.” Logan says, a faint blush coloring his cheeks.

“You ready to face the day?” Patton asks, stretching his arms over his head as Logan twists around to crack his spine, a nasty habit that Patton wishes he would quit.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Logan says, a determined look on his face. They both can hear the underlying fear in his words.

--

the two were cuddled up on the couch, not doing anything in particular, just basking in the feeling of each other’s presence. The day had gone by smoothly, both of them being soft and sweet with each other, erasing last night out of their heads. Patton had made no comments about the scratches on Logan’s face, but he had noticed that they were a lot more visible today, turning from light pink after they were freshly cleaned to an irritated red. Neither of them wanted to talk about how they were going to explain the scratches to the other two when they got home, for fear that it would set one, or both, of them off.

It was about thirty minutes later that Roman and Virgil came bursting through the door.

“Greetings, beloved!” Roman shouted at the room. Virgil gave a small wave.

“Hey there, sweethearts!” Patton said, waving at the two. Logan stayed quiet.

Roman and Virgil went to join the other two on the couch.

“I can’t wait to tell you all about our outing! It was so romantic. I think it’s safe to say that I outdid myself, once again.” Roman boasted, squeezing Virgil’s hands in his. “But first, I require a welcome home kiss from each of my beautiful boyfriends.” Roman finished, crouching in front of Patton.

Roman took Patton’s face in his hands as he looked deep into his eyes. he leaned forward and gave Patton a beautiful fairy tale kiss. He turned to give Logan the same treatment but stopped when he saw Logan crouched in on himself, refusing to meet Roman or Virgil head-on.

“Logan? Everything okay, dear?” Roman asked.

Logan nodded. He couldn’t let them see his face like this. He knew he looked like a mess and he really didn’t want to deal with what was to come, but he knew he had to. He slowly looked up, eyes focusing on Virgil first, who immediately saw the scratches and let out a small gasp. Logan winced at his reaction and turned to Roman. Roman’s eyes widened as he took in the sight before him. There were multiple scratches on both of Logan’s cheeks, angry red and glaring at him. Roman felt his pulse jump. Whatever it was that did this to his harmless boyfriend would have to pay the price.

Logan took Roman’s silence as disgust and covered his face with his hands, leaving a small gap for him to look out of.

“Oh, dearheart, no. Don’t cover up. What happened to you? What beast attacked you in this way?” Roman pleaded, desperate to get justice for Logan.

Beast. Roman called him a beast. Logan knew he never would have said that if he knew that these were self-inflicted scratches, but the word still hurt. To Logan’s surprise, he felt tears collecting in his eyes, filling too quickly for him to catch up.

Virgil was the first one to notice the tear fall down Logan’s face, and he sprang into action, wiping the tear away as quickly as it formed, but as another tear fell down his face, and another and another, Virgil knew this was something they were going to have to ride out.

Roman went from confused to alarmed as soon as he saw the tears stream down Logan’s face. He looked to Patton to ask what he should do, but the look in Patton’s eyes was pure heartbreak and protection. Patton knew something he didn’t.

“Patton?” Roman started, shifting from foot to foot. “What happened?”

“Well…” Patton began, looking to Logan for permission to tell the story of what had happened the previous night. Upon seeing Logan nod, he proceeded to tell the tale. “You guys might want to sit down for this one. It’s kind of a long story…”

--

By the time Patton was done telling they tale behind Logan’s scratches, tears were streaming down his face, as well as Roman’s and Virgil’s. The entire time Patton was recounting the story, Logan was curled up into a ball, refusing to look at anyone else. He kept on thinking about how he felt the whole time during his episode, and how helpless Patton looked once he came back to his senses. Logan noticed he was shaking more than he had been the since he woke up that morning, and a considerable amount of fear coursed through him, terrified that he was going to fall into another episode.

The three turned their attention to Logan, and the sight broke their hearts. Logan was curled up into a ball, shaking so hard that they feared he would fall apart. Virgil was the first to react.

“Oh, Logan. Are you okay? Can I touch you?” He asked, making sure to keep his voice soft.

Silence.

“Logan? Logan? Can you hear us?” Patton said, trying to suppress the worry in his voice.

Nothing. Logan continues to sit and shake, small whimpers coming out of his mouth.

“Oh, God. Please not again.” Patton mumbles under his breath.

Roman stares at Logan in horror. His poor boyfriend trapped in his own mind like that pulled on his heartstrings. Roman knows he should ask before touching Logan but the need to protect was far greater in his eyes. He puts a single hand between Logan’s shoulder blades.

Logan lets out a panicked yelp, sitting up as straight as possible. Roman quickly takes his hand away, guilt flooding his being at scaring Logan so badly. He moves to apologize for startling Logan but the look in his eyes stops him.

Logan looks terrified. His eyes are darting back and forth across the room, as if waiting for something to attack him. He can feel the fear begin to take over again, and he chokes out a sob.

“Logan!” Patton cries, “Please, baby, if you can hear us lift your finger or nod your head, something. Please.”

The others hold their breath as they wait for Logan to respond.

“I can- I can hear you.” Logan whimpers, trying his best to calm down before it’s too late.

“What do you need us to do?” Virgil asks, hand hovering over Logan’s arms, wanting to wrap him in a hug, but knowing that it’s a bad idea.

“Help. Help me. It’s going to happen again.” Logan chokes out. “I- I don’t- I don’t want that to happen again. Please! Someone help me.”

The other three sides can feel their hearts breaking at the pleading tone in Logan’s voice. Patton is the first to break, silent tears dripping down his face at seeing his boyfriend look so helpless. Roman can feel tears well up in his eyes, but he needs to stay strong and help Logan out of this. Virgil is watching on in horror, terrified for Logan.

“Logan, I’m going to touch you now, okay?” Roman says cautiously, slowly closing in on Logan. Logan doesn’t reply.

Roman wraps his arms around Logan, running his hand up and down his back. Logan cries out, jolting in his grip and begins to shake harder, but the longer he remains in Roman’s arms, the calmer he feels. After he stops struggling, he feels his body go lax, tucking his face into Roman’s neck. He looks like he’s trying to get as close as possible to the prince. He goes completely silent.

“Logan? You still with us, buddy?” Virgil asks, running his hands through his hair.

Roman felt Logan nod into his neck.

“Sweetheart, we don’t want to push, but I think we need to have a discussion about this.” Patton said, squeezing Logan’s hands in his.

Logan nodded, finally sitting up straight. Nobody said anything about his bloodshot eyes or his still trembling hands.

“I would like to apologize for my emotional outburst just now.” Logan starts, a weak tremor in his voice. “I find myself to be more… emotional, for a few days after these episodes. I will try to keep it under control.”

“You will do no such thing!” Virgil objects. “How many times have you guys had to take extra precaution around me after a bad episode? Why would we not do the same for you?”

“Virgil’s right, dear.” Roman added, moving to sit with his legs folded underneath him. “If the issue is that you feel as if you are burdening us, you must know that is not the case. We want to make sure you’re okay, so that these episodes don’t become a common occurrence.”

Logan nodded, preparing himself for a long-winded conversation.

“I find myself unsure of where to begin this discussion, so if any of you have any questions, I’ll do my best to answer them.”

“How many times has this happened?” Virgil asked, preparing himself for an answer he didn’t want to hear.

“This will be the second time.” Logan answered, looking on in slight amusement as Roman and Virgil breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank God. If this had been going on for a countless amount of times, I don’t think I’d be able to forgive myself for letting you suffer in silence.” Roman said, slouching into the couch.

“Even if it had been, it wouldn’t be your fault. I made a mistake by not telling you three that I was prone to these episodes.”

“Logan, I don’t think you should be blaming yourself over this either. There really isn’t anyone to blame here. I’m sorry that it took you reaching your breaking point for us to find out, but that doesn’t make it any more your fault, babe.” Patton said, looking eagerly at Logan.

Logan flushed to his ears, noticing that that all sides were looking at him.

“Yes, I suppose.” Logan said, fixing his tie. “The only thing to do is put it past us.”

“Wait. Question number two over here! Whydo these happen?” Roman asked.

Logan flushed even more, feeling heat at the back of his neck. Was he ready to tell the other two about his insecurities? He just told Patton and he was emotionally compromised when he did so! What if the other two looked at him differently? What if they no longer took him seriously? What if-

“Logan! You okay?” Roman asked, a worried look on his face. “We lost you there for a second.”

“Yes. Well- in regard to the reason why these episodes happen- they are very similar to Virgil’s anxiety attacks. During great times of stress, I begin to think many… illogical things that do nothing but send me off the metaphorical deep end.”

“Think illogical things like what?” Virgil asked, though he already knew the answer.

Everyone waited in nervous silence as they allowed Logan to muster up the courage to tell them.

“I have certain… insecurities.” Logan said, unwilling to delve deeper, though he knew he had to.

Everyone just stared, waiting for him to elaborate.

Logan let out a shaky breath, scratching lightly at his wrists. Roman quickly snared his hands in one of his.

“Absolutely not. I get that you’re nervous to open up to us, dear, but I will not have you scratching yourself any longer.” Roman said, a look of pain in his eyes as he rubbed his thumbs over Logan’s pink wrists.

Logan looked around him, at his three wonderful boyfriends who were so willing to be there for him, and he felt awful.

“I don’t deserve you three.” Logan said, looking down. “You are all so amazing, and loving, and kind, and I truly cannot comprehend why you would want to be romantically involved with me.” He admitted, tensing up as he waited for a response. As he heard nothing, he continued to speak, all his thoughts flowing out of his mouth.

“All I want to do is make you all proud. I work so hard and so frequently because I thought that maybe one day I would feel like I’ve done enough to deserve your love.” He said, taking in a shaky breath. “But it is never enough- I never do enough. I realize that no amount of work I do is going to make me feel like I deserve to be with you, and the feelings of inadequacy are becoming unbearable.” He finishes, chancing a look at all of them. What he sees shocks him into stillness.

All three of his boyfriends, his wonderful, caring boyfriends are in tears at Logan’s words. Patton has his hand covering his mouth, small whimpers spilling out as tears run over his hand.

Virgil is looking at his lap, twisting his hands together, shaking. He never wanted Logan to think the same things he thought, and it broke his heart.

And Roman. Roman was sat on the floor directly in front of Logan, his head in his knees. There were no tears, yet. He was overwhelmed. He felt angry, and sad, and confused, and guilty. God, did he feel guilty. His fragile, beautiful Logan thought so little of himself and it broke his heart. He needed to fix this.

“Logan. I know this isn’t an issue you fix overnight, but you have to listen to me and take my words seriously.” Roman started, determination in his eyes. “Weadoreyou. You are smart, and complex, and caring in your own unique ways. You don’t need to prove yourself to us, we already love you. We always will.”

Logan was at war with himself. He knew all of the sides were unlikely to lie to him, but he also knew they were likely to say nice things just to placate him. He didn’t know what to believe.

The others must have seen the confusion on his face, because suddenly he was surrounded in warm touches. Patton was rubbing his back while Virgil was running hand through his hair. Roman was holding his hands, kissing his knuckles delicately. Logan felt a powerful surge of love run through him.

“I love you. I love you all so much. I’m so sorry for-”

“No need for apologies, Logan. We understand.” Virgil said, a sad smile on his face.

It all clicked for Logan. He wasn’t the only one with insecurities. He wasn’t the only one with doubts. All three of his boyfriends had felt less than at one point or another.

Logan was at a loss for words. How could he let such things eat him up when he knows that his boyfriends are all willing to sit with him and help him work through his problems, like he has for them? Like Virgil said, they understand.

“Logan? You on Earth?” Roman asked, the silence coming from Logan unsettling him.

Logan locked eyes with Roman and gave a small smile. “Yes. I’ve just come to realization that my hiding things from you was a bit unnecessary and stupid.”

The other three started to protest, but Logan cut them off.

“I mean, why would I have to hide things from you when I know that you won’t view me any differently? I just… assumed you all would.”

“You jumped to a conclusion.” Virgil said, a smile on his face.

Logan mirrored his smile, nodding gently. “That, I did, Virgil.”

The four lapsed into a content silence, basking in each other’s presence.

“You know what would make this even better, you guys?” Patton asked, an excited glint in his eyes.

“A cuddle-fest!” Roman and Patton shouted together, making the other two laugh at their antics.

Roman snapped everyone into their favorite pajamas while Patton went to the kitchen to put together a snack tray.

As everyone settled in for the night, Logan looked around. All of his boyfriends curled around each other did wonders to his heart, and he found himself smiling at them.

“What’s on your mind, teach?” Patton asked, running a hand through Logan’s hair.

“Nothing. I just love you all.”

As a chorus of ‘we love you too’ rang back out at him, Logan felt himself relax for the first time in days. How could he not? He was surrounded by his loving boyfriends, and that was all he needed.

TAG LIST:

All:

@galaxy-warping

@katatles-the-fish

@iridescentroyalty

Overwhelmed:

@fantazyiskey

@sylveon-lover-crazyfangirl1415

@sanderstalker

@chipminkle

@icantbeme71097

@under-the-blue-moonlight

@ilylogan

@ross-banner

@penumbra-the-unicorn

@deceit-sandersside

@crofters-junkie

@ineedfriendsbclife

@purplesoul-at-hogwarts

@virgil-my-diamond

@storytellerofuntoldlegends

@bunny222

@sander-fander-sides

MY TAG LIST IS BEING A HARDASS IM SORRY IF I MISSED YOU

[ask-svt-hearteu]

vampire! Mingyu

Anon requested: “ WOOOO requests are open?? I'd like to request a mingyu vampire au lol idk this just came to my mind... “

Genre: fluff

Word Count: 1973

A/N: not too sure yet, but this may sound the tiniest bit of graphic to some, you’ve been warned :’) 

few humans know of vampires 

and the ones that do, or did, are dead

what kind of dead, that’s up to them and the vampire 

vampires aren’t evil, they still have their personalities

and like humans can be good and evil, vampires can be too 

like humans can have armies, groups, organizations

vampires can have them too

one of the more well known ones, Seventeen, actually extremely hard to get into 

to this day, only thirteen male members, and some rumors of their girlfriends 

meanwhile, getting his face smashed against the tree, Mingyu takes deep breaths

hands holding onto the tree, he grins at the sound behind him

“is that all you got?” 

Mingyu glances back at Seungcheol and mirrors the smirk the latter is flashing

“not even close” 

and there goes the two again, racing to the top of the mountain 

not afraid to let a little wrestling in on the way

“i win” Seungcheol grins, patting him on the back 

chuckling, Mingyu waves casually, “i’m going to find food”

after standing on top of the mountain for the millionth time, 

the view does get old lol 

running care-freely, he goes all the way down past the huge new house

vampires must move around after all 

and here’s the thing 

the means to get human blood is pretty morbid

though it’s their means of survival, the rule in Seventeen is blood bags and animals only 

can’t having anyone forgetting to change a human’s memory or heal them yikes

standing openly in the forest, Mingyu stays silent, looking around for the smallest of movements

then drawing his fangs out he runs 

teeth sinking into the live, innocent animal, bloodshot eyes burning in satisfaction

he drains the blood quickly, having not eaten the whole day

the limp deer drops to the ground with a slight thud as Mingyu grimaces in his smile

“sorry,” he whispers before turning and leisurely walking out the forest

it was either the hot animal blood or the cold blood bag 

while the truth was nothing could ever beat a human’s 

going back to the house, he grabs his bag and attempts to leave the door 

before Minghao flashes in front of him leaning against the wood smirking

“i can’t believe your voluntarily going back to that hellhole.”

with a bit of effort, Mingyu opens the door, grinning back at his friend

“college isn’t a hellhole” 

Minghao shrugs, “your dead and going to college so, yeah, it is.” 

he shortly gives a fist bump before going back inside

yes this is the twenty-second time Mingyu has been gone to college 

imagine the things he knows though oh lord 

while alive, he had always stressed over what to major in

now he could easily take anything he had the slightest interest in

so he sits in his psychology class, head resting on his head, smiling slightly at the board 

or maybe at something else 

or someone

“i don’t know how you can be so happy for a psych class,” you chuckle

the boy turns, his smile practically radiating 

“i can’t just be happy?” he laughs at your expression

“your allowed to have one bad day Kim Mingyu.” 

patting his arm, you settle into your seat, next to him 

‘how can i when i get to see you...’

alas, that’s not the words coming out of his mouth

sadly the conversation couldn’t continue, as the professor starts class

an hour later during class, running his hand through his hair, tugging at the roots 

anyone would think he just woke up from a nap and freaking out because he just missed an hour of notes 

but nope that’s not it, it’s what happened a few minutes prior 

okay vampires don’t sleep really 

it’s more like closing your eyes peacefully, while listening to the prof

“Mingyu-ah~” 

your soft voice sends shivers through him

and as he opens his eyes, all his senses rise as he stares deeply into your eyes, so close to him 

“i’ll text you the notes,” you wink, leaning away acting as if nothing has happened 

Mingyu never felt more disrespected 

your scent still lingers around him 

it’s torture 

and taking all his might to not pounce on you right now 

now after letting his mind wander, he’s at his current state 

stressing himself out because, what the actual fuck is he going to do 

it’s not like he can easily start a relationship with you 

how could he possibly start something where only broken hearts might come out of 

that’s not what your thinking 

“do you have a class after this?” 

“huh, oh um no i don’t” 

you smile nervously, “want to get lunch with me” 

not letting his thoughts peak through, other than ‘fuck it’ he answers 

“let’s go” 

his hands latch onto his book bag straps desperately, nails almost digging into his palms 

“what do you want to eat?” he asks

your arms swing back and forth, unintentionally drawing his attention to them 

but dammit does he want to hold your hand

“that little cafe shop down the road?” 

“uhhh sure” 

you smile at him, realizing the expression he has

he’s tilting his head slightly, grinning widely to try to hide the confusion in his eyes

“you’ve never been there have you?” 

sheepishly, he shakes his head shyly 

“what the heck,” 

you shock him by grabbing his wrist 

“let’s go then!” 

myth: vampires only drink blood 

nah, it’s just they can’t get nutrients from it, hence blood

what’s much more appetizing though, cough

you lick your lips, after taking a spoonful, “take a bite Mingyu~” 

how ironic 

“it’s really good” he smiles immediately, and not because of the food 

your pretty face, eating simple pasta, smiling like it was the best thing in the world 

ignorance is bliss 

“are you finally having that bad day?” you ask curiously

Mingyu’s been quiet today 

i mean you do only normally see him in class, and he did smile a bit 

but even then, he’s twirling his pencil, making origami with notebook paper

you didn’t add to your collection of mini swans today

but today nothing, nada

and it worried you more than you would admit 

strangely, you’ve grown fond of him, without even knowing him

“does it seem that way,” he smiles apologetically, “got a bit on my mind” 

“care to tell?” 

he hesitates, before leaning back

“there’s a girl I like, but i’ll never work out” 

you lean forward, your lips twitching, “and what makes you think it won’t” 

he stays silent and you take this as your cue to continue 

“do you know why I asked you to lunch?” 

he shakes his head 

“i like you, Mingyu, and I rather face rejection than regretting I never did something” 

you force yourself to not look away from his eyes, trying to read every single emotion that goes through 

“not a lot of people can be like that” he says finally 

“history” you state simply 

“for the record, you were the girl I was talking about” 

you smile at him, happy enough to get that 

swinging your bag back over your shoulder, you stand

“i think we can make it work, when you think so too,” 

his lips are parted slightly, showing there’s something he’s going to say 

judging from his face, it’s not what you want to hear,

besides that fact, you wink, 

“call me” 

he watches you pass through the door, cross the street, meet up with one of your girl friends while walking back to campus, he sighs

he looks at the ring on his pinky, the one so graciously giving him the ability to not burn on the spot 

“if only she knew” 

one whole week 

that’s how long Mingyu had until he saw you again

that’s also how long the others had to get it out of him 

even if it means bother him the kitchen 

“Mingyuuuuu, who’s this girl i hear them talk of?” 

Jeonghan smirks, trying to make eyecontact 

“hyung is there no subtly?” he laughs, unamused 

“who said there’s a girl?” Mingyu continues stirring his food for their dinner

how did they know??

“i know there is” 

Wonwoo pops of out of no where, head in a book

“you’re acting weird” 

if Vampires could blush, Mingyu would be past that 

“get out, get out if you wanna eat” 

and he avoids that conversation for about a day

but on that last day, he really cant take it anymore 

it’s 1:00 in the morning when he grabs his phone, and speeds to that little cafe

“are you awake?” 

“you have the audacity to call me at 1:00 am?” 

he smiles to himself, swinging his long legs back and forth on the cafe roof 

“i’m sorry” 

“i don’t need an apology for that” 

he’s speechless for a moment, mouth suddenly feeling dry

on the other side, you bite your lip nervously, all the confidence you show outside gone 

you can hear his breathe through the phone

“can you meet me?” 

you tap your pencil on your desk, surprised at his words 

“i only give one chance Kim Mingyu” you say softly, grabbing your coat and leaving 

you find him quickly, tilting your head up “how am I supposed to get up there??” 

“climb!!” 

he motions excessively to the tree beside him

taking a deep breathe, you latch onto the first branch, starting to climb 

there’s a comfortable silence when you get up there, and you break it, sitting closely next to him 

“making the girl do all the dirty work on the first date, what a man” 

you joke smiling, 

he grins, the grin you’ve been thinking about all week

“is this a date now?” 

you pout, “i’m leaving if this isn’t” 

without his eyes leaving yours, he takes his hand, tangling it in yours 

it’s feels a little cool 

“stay, please” 

you nod, leaning your head on his shoulder

he gives your hand a quick squeeze, “i think we can make this work” 

you feel a but coming

“but there’s something you need to know first” 

the sky is dark but you can still see his eyes glistening 

“i’m a vampire” 

your mind goes blank 

the words that come out your mouth are automatic 

“is that why your hand is cold” 

he chuckles, obviously not expecting your reaction 

“definitely didn’t think I was going to be hearing that” 

you burst into laughter 

“don’t worry i’ll be freaking out when i go home” 

“this...” you pause, “it doesn’t change how I feel about you” 

“seriously?” Mingyu bites his lip

your eyes haze over, possibly from the lack of sleep, or not 

“don’t get me wrong, it changes a lot” 

your words come out a bit breathless, as you tilt your head up slightly, 

leaning in, just a bit 

but instead, his hand lets go of yours as it moves to cup your cheek 

he whispers, “you always make the first move” 

before closing the gap

it was something completely different than what he’s ever felt 

ever since becoming a vampire, he gave up the thought the love

but maybe he’s found it 

his hands find themselves resting on your waist, before pulling away

“it’s going to be complicated” 

you can’t help the smile that forms on your face, looking at his worried expression 

running your thumb over his cheek, you chuckle, “we can think about that another time” 

your hands intertwine again, you head leaning on his shoulder 

just simply discussing trivial non-important things 

‘it’s going to work out just fine’ you think, smiling 

“what’s that smile for?” 

you grin, “nothing~”  

tapping on the roof, you huff 

“you better help me down” 

he smirks, “on it” 

faster than you can see, he stands up on the roof 

holding you in his arms bridal style 

his eyes are sparkling again 

“hold on tightly.”

The Seventeen Vampire AU Series:

| Mingyu | Junhui | Seungcheol | Joshua |

MASTERLIST

[illnesssecretsanta]

Repaid Debt

(This is for @sickandvomiting Hey G, I specifically requested to be your Secret Santa, so that I could try to give back the sort of quality  stories you have given me. I’m very grateful for them, and I hope that you like this! I did my best, though I don’t think it’s as good as yours. <3 Happy (late) holidays and here’s to a good 2018 for you.  )

When Aldwyn woke up that morning, the last thing he expected was to end up crumpled in a ditch on the side of the road in the middle of a thunderstorm, crushed under the weight of his poor dead horse. By this time, he was supposed to be meeting an old friend at the winter solstice celebration at Bree-town. Now, he wasn’t even sure he would make it there alive. He heard the snapping jaws of the animal that killed his horse digging into bloody flesh. It blindsided him when it attacked and he didn’t get a good look at it. It could’ve been a starving bear, or a wolf, or something worse. The horse’s final act of love was shielding him from the hungry animal. What was left of its body grew cold and stiff on top of Aldwyn. When he was sure the hunter was gone, he tried pushing the horse’s corpse off of him, but it wouldn’t budge. He squirmed, but his left leg was twisted painfully under his body and he was sure it was broken. Willing up every ounce of desperation he could, he pushed against the horse with all the might his arms could muster and squirmed against the muddy earth in the ditch. At last, he broke free from the animal’s weight. He pulled himself upright and immediately regretted it. His leg couldn’t handle his weight. Biting back a cry, he dropped to his knees, slipped, and rolled back into the ditch. Lying there in the freezing rain, his clothes sodden with mud and blood, he realized he was far warmer underneath the horse. He tried to think. He could crawl back onto the road and towards the city, but he didn’t know who would find him first- a hunting animal, smelling blood, or a traveller who could help him. If he stayed here, he could hide under his horse and try to stay warm. If a traveller came by, he would hear the hoofbeats and he could call for help just as easily as he could crawling down the road. Either way, freezing to death was far too likely a possibility. Shivering uncontrollably, he began to crawl back towards the dead animal, digging through his belongings in the saddlebags. He hadn’t packed for a long journey. His clothes were warm, but they were no match for this. All he could find was a thick blanket, which he pulled down against himself. He hunkered down against the undamaged side of the horse, pressed against the animal and the muddy bank of the ditch. His eyelids drooped shut.

  -

  Aldwyn was very late, and Khyran was growing restless. The peg-legged man paced circles in the inn, his clunking footsteps causing such a ceaseless noise that he was asked by the barkeep to pace elsewhere. So he bought himself an inn room and continued pacing after asking the barkeep to let him know if Aldwyn showed up. He had his harp with him, but he didn’t feel like playing it to pass the time, so the only way he could keep his fidgeting under control was to pace. He had met up with Aldwyn several times since their last unfortunate encounter, always in good spirits, and Khyran always had a gift for him. This time, he made a quill pen with a silver tip that he hoped to present to his friend at the height of the solstice celebration. The pen rested in a box in his back pocket, waiting for a hand that never came to get it. The night grew old and the partying throughout Bree-town began to wane and die, like a fire without logs. Everyone had gone to bed. Khyran tried to lie down, telling himself that Aldwyn had probably just gotten held up somewhere and was likely fine. He tossed and turned, unable to sleep with his worries plaguing the edge of his mind. He was awake until dawn broke. The thunderstorm had abated to a gentle snowfall and the beginnings of a crisp, white frost formed all over town.

  Khyran couldn’t wait any longer. He pushed himself out of bed and was out the door in moments. He knew what direction Aldwyn would’ve been coming from, so he resolved to travel down that road until he found any sign of him. He didn’t bother with precautions or provisions. All he knew was that he needed a horse. He clunked down to the stables to negotiate renting one, but the stablemaster’s price was far too high. Khyran only had a few meager coins, what little he had saved from performing music in the streets. Desperate, he withdrew the silver-tipped quill pen from his back pocket and presented it to the stablemaster. It was a handmade craft, the silver mined by Dwarves, which had been gifted to him in a time long past. Reluctantly, the stablemaster accepted it as adequate payment, and allowed Khyran to choose one of the older, slower horses. Khyran had difficulty mounting and staying in the saddle, for his peg-leg didn’t quite fit in the stirrup. Once he adjusted, he promised the stablemaster he would return in a few days, and headed off in a trot without another word. As soon as he was out of the city, he urged the horse into a gallop. Every hoofbeat jarred his scrawny frame and the cold wind bit into his face like needles, but he hardly noticed it. His eyes scanned the land, the road ahead, the trees above. He watched for any sign of something unusual while praying he was wrong, that he was just being paranoid. It just wasn’t like Aldwyn to be late. - Aldwyn didn’t know how long he had been lying there for, drifting in and out of a troubled sleep. When the rain stopped and the snow started falling, he considered it a blessing at first, but quickly found that it was not his friend. It was covering him, obscuring him from view, and he only felt colder. Bundled up and huddled against his dead horse as he was, he was still unbearably cold, willing himself against all instinct to stay awake.

  Twice he thought he heard someone on the road, but when he looked up, he saw scavenging deer who bolted away at first sight of movement. Disappointed, he assumed his position, curled up in the ditch. An ache formed in his throat and he coughed thickly against a bitter taste on the back of his tongue. If he didn’t freeze to death first, he was sure he would be claimed by the sickness which settled in his lungs like a rock. Hours- or days- later, he heard hoofbeats on the road again. He was certain they were just deer, so he ignored them, too weak to lift his head to only be met with disappointment. When the sound drew nearer, and louder, he began to wonder if deer really sounded like that. It was far too heavy and deliberate a pace. He shifted a little, brushing the snow from his face, and peeled his bloodshot eyes open. Down the road he saw a blurry figure outlined in the drifting snow. A white horse and a rider. He tried to shout for help, but the words caught in his throat and turned into a weak wheeze. It wasn’t loud enough to be heard. The rider grew nearer. Desperate to not be missed, Aldwyn peeled himself upright, stuck his hand out from the safety of his thick blanket and waved. Immediately, the rider pulled the reins and the horse came to a skidding stop, whinneying with protest. Aldwyn saw the rider fling himself down from the saddle and stumble to his footing, and he felt his breath escape him. Only one man he knew had a peg-leg. When the rider came nearer, he could finally see his face. “Khyran,” he rasped, watching as the thin man dropped to his side, brushing at the snow that covered him. “My dear friend,” Khyran croaked, horrified to see his state. “I’m so sorry I didn’t come sooner. I knew something was wrong when you didn’t arrive… I should’ve--” “Shh.” Aldwyn shushed him. “It’s alright. I am glad to see you, Khyran.” He attempted a cheerful smile, but it fell flat on his colorless cheeks. There was hardly any life left in him, and he looked a husk of the Aldwyn that Khyran knew. He turned his face away to cough, aiming it into the mud in the ditch. He tasted copper. Khyran grabbed the edge of Aldwyn’s blanket and tightened it around his body before he tried to help him stand, both hands gripping his shoulders and steadying him. With considerable effort, Khyran helped him out of the ditch and towards the white horse. But Khyran wasn’t strong enough to lift Aldwyn or help him get into the saddle. Aldwyn could feel his arms trembling as he tried to hoist him against his back. With the last ounce of strength he could find, Aldwyn grabbed the horse’s neck and jumped up, scrambling atop the saddle. Khyran’s little push was all he needed. He tried to stay upright, but exhaustion clung to his muscles like solid blocks of stone, and he felt himself slipping. Khyran scrambled up behind him, sitting on the horse’s back, unable to fit in the saddle. He reached his arms around either side of Aldwyn and grabbed the horse’s reins. “Lean against me,” he said. “We’ll be at Bree soon.” They were off. Aldwyn did as he asked, and leaned his his back against Khyran’s chest. He slumped as the last of his strength left him.

  -

When Khyran arrived back in Bree, many people scrambled to help the half-frozen, unconscious Aldwyn as soon as he was taken to the safety of the inn. A warm bath was drawn for him to bring his temperature back up, and Khyran was there to help wash and dress him. Other people helped carry Aldwyn into a small room with a roaring fire, where Aldwyn was stuffed into a bed crammed with so many blankets he looked almost absurd. Khyran took his seat by his friend’s side and didn’t move or sleep. He reached out to touch Aldwyn’s face, finding him warm now- extremely warm- and he decided he should peel back some of the blankets. As he did so, he saw the man finally stirring. Khyran was at his side in a heartbeat, reaching out to gingerly touch his face. “Aldwyn,” he breathed. “I was so worried.” Aldwyn blinked blearily at Khyran and smiled, though Khyran could tell he was forcing it. “I’m not dead, thanks to you.” His voice sounded grating, like sandpaper. Khyran grimaced, picking up a glass of water he had set aside for just this occasion. He passed it over to Aldwyn, holding the cup steady for him as he tried to drink. By the harsh way he was swallowing, Khyran could tell his throat must have been hurting him. “I can get some medicine from the innkeep,” he promised. “Are you feeling alright for it?” Aldwyn took his time considering how to answer that, his bloodshot eyes squinting and foggy. “I’m not sure I could keep it down right now.” He admitted. “Funny how we’ve ended up like this, isn’t it?” He was obviously trying to inject some form of humor into the situation, but Khyran didn’t find it funny at all. It was many years ago by now, but twice Khyran, himself, had been the one in Aldwyn’s position. It felt strangely ironic that the tables had turned on them. As much as Khyran delighted in being able to take care of his friend in turn, he would’ve never wished any suffering to come upon him just so that he could repay his unspoken debts. Gingerly, Khyran rose from the bedside. “I’ll be right back.” He said. “I’m getting you some medicine.” And a bucket, but he left that part unspoken.

  - Aldwyn watched him leave and settled his back against the headboard. The little water he drank left his insides roiling. He’d find the irony of this whole situation absolutely hilarious if it weren’t for the fact that he felt so unbearably sick. He rested a hand over his mouth and steadied his breaths, trying to keep his insides where they belonged as he patiently waited for Khy to return.

  His efforts, however, proved in vain. A bitter taste trickled up his throat, and trying to swallow it only made him retch. His hand peeled from his mouth and he turned sideways to heave a thin trickle of bile onto the floor. A gurgling cough brought up a thick wad of bloody phlegm from his lungs, which joined another stream of vomit moments later. He had decorated the floor with an unsightly mess, and wondered how he could possibly clean it up before Khyran might return. With a groan, he lowered himself back down onto the bed. He didn’t even think he could will himself to get up, much less clean. The scrawny man stepped into the room at that moment, a bucket in one hand and a drawstring pouch in the other. When he noticed Aldwyn’s state, his face fell and he muttered in a sympathetic tone, “oh no.” He set the bucket down on the ground and the pouch on the bedside table. He pulled an old rag from the table and reached over to dab at the sick man’s lips. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t quick enough,” he said, and by Khyran’s dejected tone, Aldwyn could tell he was truly upset about this. Aldwyn shook his head, trying to express without words that it wasn’t his fault- that Khyran was doing all he could. He didn’t want to risk speaking and vomiting again. Khyran offered the cup of water and Aldwyn took it, only to rinse his mouth. The bucket was here for that now, at the very least. He spat down into it, making sure Khyran was well out of the way before he did. Shivers coursed through his limbs as a chill took him. He couldn’t shake it off. He rested his head back down on the pillow, sweat beading his forehead, and feverishly watched the one-legged man clunk out of the room, only to return later with a mop, a fresh bucket of steaming, soapy water, and several rags. Aldwyn wished he could help him clean the mess he made, but he found his muscles far too weak to allow him any movement. “Sorry about that,” he muttered. “Now I kind of know how you felt, back then.” That, at least, dragged a weak chuckle out of his friend’s chest. “This isn’t as bad as I was. I was a complete mess.” He tossed the soiled rags into the old bucket. “Don’t worry about it, my friend. It is a privilege to care for you, truly.” Aldwyn believed him. As Khyran finished mopping up the floor, until it was cleaner than when he left it, he fell into an uneasy sleep. He woke several times in the night. The first time, his throat burned so badly and his mouth was so dry, he couldn’t stop coughing. Khyran was there, and he gave him some water, which now had a strangely bitter aftertaste. He noticed leaves floating in it, and could only assume it was medicine. The second time he woke, it was because his stomach was doing flips and the medicine wasn’t settling well. He didn’t want to wake Khyran, but he found the man was still sitting in the exact same chair he had been in all night, wide awake and as attentive as ever. He didn’t need to say anything- Khyran must’ve noticed the look on his face, because he had leaned down to grab the bucket and thrust it into Aldwyn’s arms just moments before his body lurched in an involuntary retch. Everything he had tried to keep down came flooding noisily up his throat, spilling onto the old rags in the bucket with a wet squelch. He felt Khyran’s hand on his back, a gentle and peaceful presence that he found himself grateful for. Khyran urged him to try to drink the medicine again. Aldwyn began to protest, but Khyran told him, “we’ll just keep trying until it stays down. That’s the only way you’ll get better.” So he tried. And it didn’t stay down. But Khyran was still there, offering his support, clean wet rags to wash his face, and water to drink. He was still there, wide awake, a whole day later, after this had gone on and off for hours. Aldwyn wasn’t sure how he could do it. The man never wavered, not once, or shown any sign of exhaustion. He never once complained, and the only times he ever left the room were to take care of the most basic human needs- which he kept brief. It was by the end of the second day that Aldwyn was finally able to keep down the medicine that Khyran had kept urging him to drink. The nausea and coughing abated enough to allow him a much-needed sleep. -

It was only when Aldwyn was asleep when Khyran finally allowed himself the luxury of it. Rather than leave into his own room, he found a spot on the floor near the opposite wall. He took a few unneeded blankets from the pile that had been resting on the foot of Aldwyn’s bed, made a makeshift sleeping mat with them, and laid down. He was asleep in moments. He didn’t know how long he was out. When he finally woke up, it was because he had a horrible crick in his neck and his spine ached when he rose to a seated position. When he checked Aldwyn’s bed, he found it empty. Momentarily panicked, Khyran scrambled upright and opened the door to peek down the hall. “Aldwyn?” He called. “I’m in the common room!” He heard a familiar voice respond. Khyran was grateful to hear him, and clunked out to meet him in the main hall, where he had found a table to sit at with a very meager meal of mashed potatoes. Khyran joined him. “I still have a horrid cough, so I didn’t want to wake you.” Aldwyn explained in a strained voice. “You were asleep for nearly twelve hours.” “Oh… I’m sorry.” Aldwyn laughed. The color and cheerfulness was returning to his voice, and it gladdened Khyran to see it. “You apologize too much, dear friend. If it weren’t for you, I would’ve been miserable. Thank you for taking care of me, Khyran.” He shook his head and scratched the bridge of his long nose. He never knew how to take compliments, or words of thanks. He just felt awkward. As he remembered the whole reason he had arranged to meet Aldwyn in the first place, he blurted, “I was going to give you something I made, but… I had to sell it to rent the horse.” He lowered his head. “I’m sorry. I really wanted to give it to you.” Aldwyn’s brow scrunched and he reached over to rest a hand gently on Khyran’s arm. “You saved my life, Khyran. And you’re my friend. I couldn’t ask for anything more.” Khyran chuckled weakly. “I know. It just, would've been nice to give it to you, is all.” Khyran sat at the table until Aldwyn was done eating, and they spent the rest of the evening in pleasant company, trying to catch up on all the things they had meant to during the solstice celebration. When Aldwyn was feeling well enough to leave (and try to buy himself a horse- and mourn his old, poor beast, besides), he promised Khyran they would meet again soon. They arranged a day and place- ahd assured each other that if they were late, that meant they were stuck in a ditch somewhere and needed some rescuing. Watching Aldwyn’s retreating back, Khyran prayed for his safe journey, and returned to the inn.

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: The Darkness Within (9/?)

Summary: When washed-up paranormal investigator Rum Gold meets Belle French, he does not quite know what to make of her claim of a supernatural presence in her life, but sensing her genuine fear, he begins to investigate. What he uncovers shakes the cynicism he has so long held to its very core, and he calls in the help of disgraced ex-priest Father Macavoy to help him lay some demons to rest…

A slow burn, eventual rumbellavoy. The rating may increase in later chapters.

Rated: T

[One] [Two] [Three] [Four] [Five] [Six] [Seven] [Eight] [AO3]

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Content warning for this chapter: references to attempted suicide and prescription drug abuse

Please note: Dormex is a fictional medication, any similarities to existing drugs are entirely coincidental.

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Nine

The afternoon after he had spoken to Joseph in the morning found Gold in the pharmacy on a completely unrelated errand, thoughts of the supernatural far from his mind as he searched for his usual brand of toothpaste, which appeared to have vanished from the shelves. It was only when he heard the beginnings of, not a dispute, but definitely a pointed discussion, that his attention was drawn out of the immediate environs and back into the periphery.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t sell you that many in one batch,” Tom Clark, the pharmacist, was saying.

It was the other voice that caught Gold’s attention, because having spent so much time with its owner over the past couple of days, he would recognise it anywhere.

“Please.” Belle sounded wrecked, her voice hoarse. “Please, I need this strong a dose. I can handle it, believe me.”

“Miss, I’ll lose my license if I sell you that many. One pack at a time, that’s your max. I don’t want you to do yourself harm.”

“Please,” Belle begged. “I used to take prescription Dormex, that’s triple the strength of these and I was on a double dose.”

Gold slipped around the end of the aisle so that he could see the counter. Belle was standing there, her arms wrapped tightly around her chest as if she was trying to physically hold herself together. Tom gave her a sad, sympathetic smile and pushed the pile of sleeping pill boxes off to one side.

“Miss, I suggest that you go to the doctor and get him to put you back on Dormex if you’re having trouble sleeping.”

Belle shook her head. “No, you don’t understand… I just want a good night’s sleep for once in my life.”

She looked up at that moment and saw Gold standing off to one side. The dark circles under her bloodshot eyes were even more pronounced than they had been before, and Gold could tell that she had not slept the past two nights since he saw her last at the diner. She left the shop without another word, stalking past him with shoulders hunched, protecting herself from whatever might be out there. Tom watched her go, then gave Gold a worried look.

“D’you think I ought to call Hopper?” he said. “When someone looks that desperate and tries to buy that many sleeping pills…”

Gold shook his head. “No. I don’t think she has any intention of doing herself harm. She just needs some sleep. Whether she’ll get it or not is a different matter.” He paid for his toothpaste and followed Belle out of the shop. It took him a little while to find her as he had no idea which direction she might have gone in, but he decided that going towards the library was probably the best idea, and sure enough, she was sitting on the bottom step of the staircase that led up to her little apartment, still curled up on herself.

“I take it you heard my little performance in the drug store,” she muttered, not looking up at him and addressing his feet and the butt of his cane.

“Yes.”

“I’m not trying to kill myself.” Her voice was hard and brittle, and it sounded as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

“I didn’t think that you were. But you are desperate, and desperate people do desperate things that they might not always think through entirely. May I?”

He indicated the step beside her and Belle slid to the side to allow room for him without a word. He settled next to her, resting his cane between his knees.

“I’ve never heard of Dormex,” he said, by way of continuing the conversation.

“It’s very new. I was on the clinical trials, it’s only just been approved for mainstream release. It’s a very powerful sleeping drug, about as near as you can get to full on surgical sedation without going intravenously.” She sighed, but she still did not look at him, instead staring out into the middle distance. “When I started sleepwalking, it was suggested that I try sleeping pills to really knock me out properly so I could get a good night’s rest. Because sleep is the time when your body rests and recharges and repairs itself, but if you sleepwalk then you’re expending all your energy on being up and active whilst you’re asleep, so you don’t get the proper rest you should be getting. That was the problem I had. Of course, when I was younger I just thought it was straight up somnambulism, I didn’t realise that all the rest of the freaky stuff was happening.”

“Did it work?” Gold asked.

Belle nodded, then shook her head. “It worked for a little while. Every time I tried a new pill, it would work for about a month or two but then the sleepwalking would start again and I started getting side effects. I think that was the Dark One trying to fight against this drug that was making me so heavy and lethargic and physically unable to get up and do its bidding. So I kept getting stronger and stronger pills, larger and larger dosages until I was at the very limit of what I could take over the counter and on prescription safely. My doctor couldn’t understand how my body could be so averse to restful sleep; he said he’d never seen someone as active in their sleep as I was. That was around the time of the fifteen miles with broken glass in my feet incident. Then came Dormex. The two months of that trial, I had the best sleep I’d ever had. Before or since.”

“Why did you stop taking it?”

“The trial finished and my insurance wouldn’t cover it on prescription.” Belle let out a long sigh. “So that was the end of Dormex, and since then, nothing’s even come close to it. So in the end I stopped taking the sleepers altogether, because they just weren’t working. Now though…”

“You just want to sleep.”

“It’s more than that. I just want to sleep without fear. Unlike most other people who take part in sleeping drug trials, I don’t have insomnia. I have no trouble falling asleep. I can lay down and put my head on the pillow and I’ll be off within a few minutes. But I don’t want to fall asleep. When I stay awake it’s by choice. I haven’t slept since I woke up in your garden because I’m just so afraid of it happening again. The thing inside my head, the Dark One – it’s getting stronger, I can feel it. Perhaps because it’s now where it wants to be. All the time before, it’s focussed all its energy on trying to get north. Now it is north, and it can do whatever the next stage is.”

Gold really didn’t want to think about what that next stage might be, and he thought again of the handprint on his study window. It was probably time to come clean.

“Belle, I have to say this. That night I found you in the morning, that wasn’t the first time you’ve been to my garden in your sleep.”

She looked at him then, her gaze sharp despite her obvious wearing fatigue.

“What?”

“You came the night before as well, after our first conversation in the bar.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me? What happened?”

“Well, I didn’t know it was you. I didn’t even know that you’d been until I found a handprint on my window that had definitely not been there before.”

“God, Gold, you’re freaking me out and I’m the one who did it. How did you know that it was me?”

“Fingerprints matched.”

“You know, I’m pretty sure it’s highly unethical if not illegal to take someone’s fingerprints without their permission but I’m going to let that slide.” Belle ran a hand through her limp hair. “Wow. That’s… I don’t even know what to say. That’s scary.”

“It is a bit, yes.”

“Well, at least now you know why I won’t go back to sleep.”

“I know. But I’m not worried about your midnight excursions into my garden.” That was a lie, Gold was extremely worried about her nocturnal visits but he figured that thus far she had not actually made it into his house so he was fairly safe from whatever intentions towards him that she might have had. “I’ve had an idea.”

Belle looked at him warily. “Go on.”

“I was speaking to an old friend of mine. He lives in England but we did some work together a few years ago, back when I was still working. He’s something of a specialist in cases like yours.”

“Cases like mine? Can I meet this specialist?”

“I’m not sure that would be entirely a good idea, he’s not actively practising anymore and I don’t want you to freak out.”

“Gold, I’ve been permanently freaking out on a subconscious level ever since I was twelve and I realised that there was something very wrong with me. I am never not freaking out. I’m freaking out right now but I’m too tired to actually show it.”

Gold conceded that point.

“So who is this friend of yours and what does he do?” Belle asked. For all her fear and internal freaking out, she seemed calm and composed, and interested by what he had to say.

“His name’s Joseph Macavoy and he used to be a priest.”

“A priest? What does a priest…” She tailed off. “Good lord. Do you really think I’m being possessed by a demon?”

“I’m not sure what I think just yet,” Gold said, trying not to commit himself to anything before he’d been able to do some more research and experimentation. “I think that I’m going to have to accept that it might be a possibility, and one that I would like to prove conclusively true or false before I move onto the next hypothesis.”

In spite of it all, Belle gave a little giggle.

“From what I know of you, Mr Gold, I think only you could turn demonic possession into something so harmless and scientific sounding.”

“Thank you. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but thank you.”

“So, tell me what did Joseph have to say?”

“He advised us to communicate with whatever it is in your mind directly. Which is why I want you to sleep tonight and try to let it come to the surface.”

“How am I going to communicate with it if I’m asleep?” Belle pointed out.

“Well, it’s a fairly crude solution, but I want to try it. Right down three questions on a big sheet of paper and stick it to your bedroom door so that it’s the last thing you see before you close your eyes and the first thing that you see when you open them. With any luck, the subconscious thing should notice them and take them in, and answer them, and you might have answers when you wake up. Or if it’s feeling particularly helpful then it might write down the answers for you.”

“Or another hypnotism session,” Belle said. Her voice was ponderous, she was evidently giving the matter serious consideration. “When I sleep I don’t remember anything, but even before I blacked out in the session with Dr Hopper, I was remembering things that I wouldn’t ordinarily recall. It might bring up some kind of repressed knowledge.”

“I’m willing to try anything to get to the bottom of this if you are,” Gold said plainly. Belle nodded her agreement.

“Yes. I’m willing. What do you want me to ask myself?”

“These three things: ‘What is your name?’ ‘How old are you?’ ‘What are you looking for?’”

“Got it.” Belle stared down at their shoes again for a long time, then finally looked back at Gold. “Do you think that this is going to work?”

“I have no idea, but I think we ought to try it. If it doesn’t, then we’ll just try something else.”

Belle smiled weakly. “Thank you. For your dedication. And for, well, listening. I guess we’ll just have to see what happens tonight.”

“We shall see.”

Gold hoped that the experiment would bear fruit, and he very much hoped that he would not find Belle in his garden come the next morning. Although, he amended, if she could tell him the answers to those three questions then perhaps it would be worth it, for both of them.

[tenmillionotters]

Sweet dreams

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Ui Koori/Ihei Hairu

Character:  Ui Koori, Ihei Hairu, Washuu-Furuta Souta

Word count: 1996

Additional information: Angst, Substance Abuse, Mental Instability, Eating Disorder, Suicidal thoughts, Implied/Referenced Character Death

One pill meant a dreamless sleep. Two pills meant a long and sound sleep, if he was lucky even dreams. More than two? He wouldn’t go there. Why? Maybe because he was a coward, but he was also scared that it meant he’d overdose. Suicide wasn’t an option, not now, he didn’t know if there was an afterlife, but he heard one of his colleagues talk about it. There weren’t many Christians in Japan, but he was one of them, he said that every person that took their own life was damned to an eternity in hell.

Read on AO3 or under the cut

Buy me a coffee

He didn’t know how much time had passed since he sat down in the bathtub, but the warmth that the water wrapped his body in before was now robbed from him by the ice cold liquid that covered almost every inch of his body. The reflection on the its surface was alien to him, dull and bloodshot eyes, dark circles on swollen pouches, chapped lips framed by hollow cheeks and dry hair.

Did he forget to eat again? The pain felt like a knife in his stomach, he always waited until the pain got so bad that he wanted to cry out, there was no appetite, only hunger. Now that he thought about it, there was nothing in his life anymore that didn’t go to the extremes. Sleep or no sleep, feel nothing or feel everything all at once, apathy or pure rage.

When was the last time he went grocery shopping? He slowly got up, legs shaking. There would be no problem in going shopping now, he didn’t smell as terrible as he did before, it didn’t matter anyway, he didn’t want to appeal to anyone anymore, not even himself.

He dried his meager body off and stared at the reflection in the mirror, he remembered a time when he wasted hours indulging in his vanity, in the sheer lust and satisfaction he felt looking at himself, now all he saw was a ghost.

Koori slowly got dressed, thank goodness there was still a pair of boxers and socks in his drawer, maybe he should finally take care of the laundry… no tomorrow was better. Everything would just have to happen tomorrow, not today. Didn’t he already tell himself the same thing the day before? It didn’t matter anyway.

If it weren’t for the burning ache in his stomach he wouldn’t even think of eating. The fridge was empty, there was only a small package of miso and a small container of pickled radish, not enough to ease the pain. He sighed as he realised that he really had to leave the flat again, but he didn’t have any other choice.

The small 24 hour supermarket around the corner had become the only place he went to these days, before he would always go the extra mile to only buy fresh ingredients that suited his expensive taste, now anything from instant cup noodles to frozen fish balls was okay, the only thing that mattered was that it filled his stomach.

Curious eyes stared at him, what did the cashier think when she saw him? She was probably still in university, staying there half of the day and spending the rest of her time here, a pretty girl but a little ditzy. One of the few people he smiled for these days, but he couldn’t bring himself to talk to her. Whatever would develop between them if they’d get closer wouldn’t be worth the pain he’d inflict on her.

In the end he could only hurt the people he loved, push them away until they left him or were taken from him by force. It might have been healthier if he’d just admit to himself that none of it was his fault but he had to feel this pain, because at times it was the only thing he felt, the only constant that was left in his life, something he could cling to.

When he finally reached his flat again his body went in a state he could only describe as autopilot, thinking of it now he didn’t even know what exactly happened. There was no pleasure in cooking and eating, it was necessary, a task he needed to fulfill that was all. It wasn’t like his meals tasted like anything these days, they were bland and disgusting but there was an upside to it…

Ui laid down on his bed, smiling as blissfully as he did before his life went downhill, this was the only thing he could ever look forward too, he felt the little bottle in his hand, weighing it down. He could never take the pills without eating something beforehand, he did once, throwing up blood the next morning.

Not now though, not now.

One pill meant a dreamless sleep. Two pills meant a long and sound sleep, if he was lucky even dreams. More than two? He wouldn’t go there. Why? Maybe because he was a coward, but he was also scared that it meant he’d overdose. Suicide wasn’t an option, not now, he didn’t know if there was an afterlife, but he heard one of his colleagues talk about it. There weren’t many Christians in Japan, but he was one of them, he said that every person that took their own life was damned to an eternity in hell.

… and how would he be able to see her again then? If there was something like the afterlife it was questionable whether or not a CCG investigator would end up in heaven, after all the people they killed, all the lives they took. Since when did he look at ghouls as individuals…? Maybe everything was just getting to his head, all of these worries and stress.

Koori tasted the pills on his lips, his tongue, he chugged them down, the water pressing through his throat forcing the pills down into his stomach. All he could do was wait now, all he could do was wait…

“Do you like it? I thought it’s too much but mama said it’s just right,” Ihei was laughing and waltzing through the room, her white wedding dress swinging with every move she made, “I hope that my husband will like it too, ah can you believe I am getting married? When I was a child I never thought that day would come and now I even got someone to guide me to the altar! Isn’t it wonderful?”

Ui smiled tired as he kept on gazing at her, “You are the by far most beautiful woman I have seen in my life.” But seeing her like this, talking about another man made his stomach turn. Why would she marry anyone… who wasn’t him? “I am sure he’ll be happy to see you like this, more beautiful than you were ever before.”

“You flatter me... I’m glad that you can be here with me today,” she picked up her bouquet and smiled, “You know you’re the best friend I ever had, I loved you… for a long time, I never realised being so caught up in my silly little crush for Arima, but I thought I never had a chance with you… and then he asked me out of the blue, how could I say no?”

“But -”

“Ihei are you ready? Everyone’s already waiting for you.”

Director Washuu…? What was Furuta doing here?

“I’m coming!”, the young bride turned to Ui, holding the bouquet of red spider lilies firmly in her hands, “Let’s go, Koori.”

Go where? They slowly walked down a long and dark corridor, Furuta guiding Ihei towards the altar in seemingly unreachable distance, but just in the blink of an eye Koori found himself standing in a group of people. Investigator, children in white hospital gowns, staring at him with sad eyes.

Seeing Ihei walking towards her future with another man made him choke up, his stomach turn, this wasn’t a dream he wanted to have, it felt like his brain was mocking him. Just as everyone turned their heads towards the altar he did the same thing, he didn’t want to but he had to, he felt a cold shiver running down his spine as he finally realised why the groom looked so familiar to him.

“Kanou…?”

“Take good care of our little flower,” Furuta said, patting her head before it slowly detached from her neck, “She’s a precious good after all, isn’t she… Koori?”

How much time had passed since he fell asleep? The sheets below him were drenched in sweat, his throat was dry and a numbing pain washed over his stiff body. 2 AM. He had 7 more hours of sleep until he had to go to work. Should he go for it…? He was exhausted, he was sick of sleeping but the pills did their work and so he drifted off into sleep again, hoping that this time he wouldn’t dream.

Soft and gentle humming reached his ears, he slowly got up, sitting in a field of flowers, staring at a lilac sky.

“The stars are the most beautiful during the day, aren’t they? Look at them explode… they look like a firework, don’t they?”, Ihei laughed as she put a flower crown on top of Koori’s head, “Now you’re a prince.”

“The prince of what…?”, was she making fun of him again?

“Melon pan and train stations,” he was such a killjoy just as usual, “But I still love you.” She let her head fall into his lap while she looked up at him, “Don’t worry, it won’t come off this time, we’re alone now.”

“Really…? I don’t want to see you hurt again,” why did it rain? Why did it only rain on her pretty face?

“Oh… I don’t hurt anymore, I’m okay here, in my field of flowers… I grew up in a garden but this is way more beautiful. Nobody here can hurt me, everyone’s just passing by for a visit, Kishou and all of our colleagues, they pass me by… and I stay here,” Ihei let her hands run through Koori’s hair, “I want to stay here… always.”

He widened his eyes in terror, she wanted to stay here? Forever?

“I hope that one day you’ll come and visit me too, but please take your time… maybe if we’re lucky you can stay here with me then,” the girl pulled him down, closing her eyes and parting her lips but before they could kiss he woke up, crying as he always did when he was forced to face reality.

He wanted to hold her just one more time, tell her how much he loved her and forget about the mistakes he made but life just didn’t work like this. Life wasn’t fair to him not anymore, was it ever fair to him? There was a point in time when he thought it was, but it wasn’t anymore. Maybe he only pretende he was happy then… ah, no now wasn’t the time to think, he had to wash up and get ready for work. When would be the next time he’d sleep again…?

Koori looked at the pills on his nightstand and decided that he had enough of them for the next few weeks, but in the end he always told himself he did and then came back for them only days afterwards.

Think about work, damnit, the sooner the day would be over the better. He hated it now, arriving there, seeing everyone run into each other their voices creating this strange and perverse melody.

“Ui, I am glad you’re here, follow me I have to show you something.”

What did he want from him now? Did he come up with yet another brilliant creation like the oggai? God he didn’t even want to know, if he could just drop dead right here he would do it. It would make everything so much easier.

The elevator took them deep down below the first story of the building, he felt sick going so far down, because he knew that the laboratories were located there.

“I am sure you’ll be pleased to see my little surprise for you…”

Why did he make such a fuss about it? Couldn’t he just shut his mouth and - “I-Ihei…?”

She was sitting in a chair before him, her skin was foul in colour and paler than usual, bandages covered up the cut on her throat. Ihei slowly raised her head, her eyes dull and filled with rage, “Koori…” Her voice was coarse and broken, “Why did you do this to me?”

[aggresivelyfriendly]

Divide-Chapter Eight- Eraser

Laurel walked out the door and Harry crumpled to his knees. He had not a clue as to what was going on. She’d barely spoken a word while she was in his house but was clearly distressed. At first he figured she was just torn between him and Willy. Laurel was a good girl, he was surprised that she had even come on to him while she was clearly with someone else. Whatever was going on though, it seemed a bit grander than just a decision between two boys.

Harry hauled himself up from his knees and took a note from every romantic comedy his family had ‘made’ him watch. He opened the door and went after her. “Laurel!” he rushed into the rain and felt the chill of the stones seep into his bare feet. He ran anyway. “Laurel,” he called louder, but by the time he reached the street he couldn’t see the silky black fall of her hair. There were cabs on the street, but he couldn’t possibly stop them all, had no hope of picking the right one. His shoulders deflated and his head dropped on his neck.

He trudged back into his house and nearly cried when he caught her scent in the air. All that was left to do was try. He picked up his phone and pulled up her contact. “Laurel, I’ve no idea what is going on. Please let me know you are ok. I’m here, whatever you need,” he meant every word but was sure this was all just too little too late.

Harry made his way back up to his bedroom and continued his packing. He had an early morning flight to begin promo. It was the culmination of a year of extremely hard work that he was proud of. But, it didn’t sit right.

The phone was in his hand before he had made a conscious decision to call. “Jeff, something has come up. I need a day to try to fix it. Can you make it happen.”

Harry could hear Jeff’s sigh from 4,000 miles away. “You have an extremely early interview in two days Harry. I can’t change it. If we cancel it’ll diminish your credibility. Zayn has already burned some bridges for you.”

Harry grit his teeth. “Can I take a red eye, I’ll go straight from the airport to the appointment.”

“It’s that important?” Jeff asked.

“It’s that important.” Harry said with unmistakable intent.

“As your manager, I advise against it. As your best friend, I’ll make it happen. Hope it works out with Laurel,” Harry could hear Jeff s grin.

“Who said anything about Laurel?”

“Harry, I know you think you hide things well, but you are as subtle as a drunken toddler. I’ve heard her name nonstop lately. I’m booking you a flight out tomorrow night. Don’t miss it,” Jeff hung up and Harry threw his phone down before changing into street clothes, his ever present grey hoodie, sunglasses and a coat.

The black SUV purred to life beneath him and he text Ed.

“Do you know where Laurel is?” Harry rushed out.

“No mate, she called in today, sounded like proper shit,” Ed confided.

“Look, I know this is a shit request, but I can’t find her and need to. I need Willy’s number.”

The hiss Ed let out made Harry shake his head, “I’m worried. She came by and broke down and left. Something is wrong. Never seen her act like that. Please Ed,” Harry’s voice had an edge he hadn’t heard since his mom told him no about trying out for ex factor until he passed his GSCE’s. This was a tad more serious.

“Ok, I’ll send it to you. Don’t fuck it up mate, he’s good for her,” he warned.

Calling Willy was a last resort, so he went to her apartment first. He banged on the door until the neighbor came out, a curse on her lips until she got that shocked look people got when they looked at him.

“Have you seen Laurel, the girl who lives here?” he asked politely.

“No, been home all day, she left early,” the blonde returned. Harry turned to go, “Harry, can I have an autograph. I love you,” she flapped her hands and he saw it coming, the full on freak out. He really didn’t want to, but he stopped and signed and kissed her cheek.

“Please, tell Laurel I was here.”

“I will, I even have proof,” the neighbor girl hopped onto her toes.

He wanted to smile, but found he couldn’t muster one.

After he left her place, he was at a loss. He was shit, and he knew it, but when you couldn’t find the girl you loved and realized you had no idea about where she might be, who she saw, where her family was, you realized how shit.

He tried social media and sent Hail Mary messages to several people who appeared on her pages often. But, who would believe Harry Styles was messaging them. It was funny, it was apparently so many people’s dream, but no one believed him when he did it.

When no leads seemed promising, he headed home and opened a bottle of whisky. He needed a pain eraser. He steadily made his way through the bottle.

By 3AM, no one had gotten back to him and he was a drunken mess. Harry stumbled to a guest room, he didn’t want to see the mess they had left behind any more. Her wet clothes were strewn about and his bed looked like it had seen a reconciliation.

When he woke up, hungover and humbled by the pool of vomit nearby, he opened his phone with hope of something.

None of his messages had been returned. He tried Laurel once more. It went straight to voicemail. Harry flopped his way through a shower and left with wet hair, running through a drive thru and choking down fast food to try to cover up last night’ sins.

At Laurel’s apartment there was no answer, again. It was nearing on 3 and he needed to get his bags and go. Harry swallowed his pride and climbed into his truck to make the call.

“Ello,” the pretty slur met his ears.

“Hi, is this Willy?” Harry forced out.

“Yes, who is this?” Willy responded.

“This is Harry, Harry Styles. Listen, this is strange, but, I can’t find Laurel and I’m worried about her.”

“Laurel? And why are you looking for her?” Willy’s voice had a bite to it now.

“Um….I saw her yesterday and she was upset. I just want to be sure she’s ok,” Harry finished lamely as he turned over his engine.

“I have not seen her, or heard from her. Did you upset her? How do you know her? She has been different since we met you at the show?” The accusation was hard to ignore.

“No, no mate, she was already upset when I saw her, she was more upset when she left though–”

“Listen,” Willy interrupted, “Harry,” he enunciated the second syllable disdainfully, “I will find My Laurel. And if she wants to speak with you, I’m sure she’ll call.” And the line disconnected.

“Fuck,” Harry hit his wheel, that door was closed. Could he have fucked this up more. He drove home distracted and grabbed his bag. When his car arrived he shoved it into the boot and did a final check that the house was shut up for the two months he’d be away.

On the way to the airport and while he waited for his flight, he texted and called Laurel.

He drank his way to sleep again as the plane took off. Harry made it to the interview, but it was not the conquering success it should have been. His bloodshot eyes and whiskey breath led to more press speculation than when he’d gotten on that yacht.

His debut single came out and was met with acclaim and sales. Thank god, because his promo was abysmal. He was distracted and half drunk for a month. If the music hadn’t been so strong, he may have been classified another boy band flop.

Still no word from Laurel.

That first month of his solo career everyday it was another pill to take the pain away. Another drink to erase the pain. All his hard work was buckling and he felt like even people who should be proud, weren’t.

After 5 weeks of bad behavior he woke up to a freezing glass of water thrown on his face and Gemma’s cold eyes.

“Get up, you arse,” she said when she saw him turn back into the pillow.

In the living room of his hotel suite sat his mum, Gemma, and Jeff.

“Alright, enough feeling sorry for yourself my boy. What in the name of God is going on?” His mother asked without so much as a hug.

“I can’t find her, she’s disappeared,” he whispered as he folded himself into the adjacent arm chair.

“Who?” Gemma asked.

“Laurel.”

“Who?" Gemma asked again.

Harry shook his head and began, “my, my, I don’t know, the girl I love. I broke her heart I think. But the she seemed ok, moved on, but then she came to me and something was wrong. But I can’t find her. No one seems to know where she is or they are not telling me. I’m so fucking worried.”

“This the girl you came home to lick your wounds about, love?” His mom asked.

Harry nodded.

“You couldn’t fix it?” Anne’s voice was soft.

“I don’t even know what to fix,” Harry croaked.

“Harry,” Jeff sat up straighter and leaned in, "do we need to get you some help buddy? We,” he pointed to himself and the seated ladies seated beside him, “are worried about you.”

“No, no, I’ll pull it together,” he promised and he meant it. It was time to crawl out of the bell jar. The conversation continued and over room service he explained the situation to his mom and sister. He never wanted to see their disappointment so plainly again.

Jeff went home and his mum and sister stayed the weekend. On Sunday, after he walked them to the door, he hugged them goodbye tightly saying his thanks. Gemma pressed something into his hands.

“Maybe find a better way to cope, arse face.”

He looked down after she boarded the lift and found a new leather bound journal.

It took a few days, and a radical alcohol flush, of both his body and hotel room, but Harry was feeling better. He still hadn’t heard from Laurel. But he’d found comfort in the writing, a new pain eraser. He wanted to check on her, but couldn’t find it in himself to call Willy again.

He returned home in a few weeks. Harry promised himself he’d find her then.

Two days before his flight home, Ed texted him.

He’d found Laurel, but the press clipping attached broke Harry’s heart further.

Harry called Jeff, he needed to get home now, Somethings could not wait.

[aaronmascoll]

Chapter 101 - Colt

Colt had been furious. He was going to march upstairs and say something, but it was like everyone had been telling him this wasn't entirely her fault. Her dragon half made her extremely temperamental. The book had said the mark was usually only placed on accident. Even Chains said Alice was upset she had done it. Upset enough to put herself in a bad situation with Dorian,The Slaver.

Colt went to sleep, having let go of his anger, and being too tired to care. He closed his eyes and was thankful for a dreamless sleep. He woke up, and found two woman staring at him from sauna entrance. Colt sat up and the woman ran away. He put his suit jacket on, and left the sauna. There were men and women cleaning the floors and walls. They were setting up massage tables, stocking shelves, and watering plants. A man wearing a white linen shirt and pants bowed and said, "Good morning, Mr. Maxwell."

Colt noticed as the man bowed that his ears were pointed. Colt remembered Maria said all the employees were Elves. "Good morning," Colt said. "Is my sister awake?"

"No, she's still asleep. Lady Lilith has scheduled a locorum massage for her when she wakes up."

"Canel it," Colt said.

"Yes, Mr. Maxwell."

"It's Morningstar," Colt said, walking away. "I'm supposed to be the devil's son, might as well make it official."

Colt started to head upstairs and noticed that a good number of the female elves were pregnant. Colt found Mariah standing near the greeting room fountain as two woman in large dresses stormed out the front door angrily. "What'a their problem?" Colt asked.

"Nothing to worry about," Mariah said, shaking her head. "They're mad you closed the birthing houses."

"Birthing what?"

"As you can tell a large number of the female staff are pregnant. The woman from Poshville paid to have a number of the woman act as surrogates for their children. I've just informed those two women we will no longer be providing that service, but they will be notified when they can come back to pick their children."

Colt could tell from Mariah's smile she was enjoying this. "Okay, if they give you any problems, let me know."

"They won't, if they ever want to see their kids."

"Mariah!" Maria and Tony's shadow screamed.

Mariah's smiled brightened.

Colt was going to ask about his room when Devante came stumbling out of the dining hall with his arms around two servants girls, one of whom was pregnant. "What up, Nigga!" Devante shouted when he saw Colt.

"The fuck you doing in my house?" Colt asked.

"I'm bout to get me one of them massages right quick," Devante said, and disappeared down a staircase.

"Your charging him, right?" Colt said, turning back to Mariah.

"Of course I am," She said, smiling.

Colt walked into the dining hall and found it was filled to the brim with thieves. "I dont remember there being this many of them before," Colt said more to himself.

Angel's arms and tail suddenly wrapped themselves are Colt as she kissed him on the back of the neck. "The old place was too small," She said, whispering softly. "I missed you."

"Missed you too," Colt said, kissing her arm. "So everyone's here?"

"All except one. Riot got caught robbing a guard station. She's not exactly known for her subtlety."

Colt laughed softly. "Serah, go and find your brother. He loves jail breaks."

Serah emerged from Colt's shadow and bowed. "Yes, Master," She said.

"Bring Nigel and his friends with you," Angel said. "They might make for a good distraction if you need it."

"Yes, My Queen."

Serah dissapeared into the Shadow Realm, and Colt let out a large sigh. "Alright I have to find my darling sister."

"You wanna fool around a bit first?" Angel said, biting Colt softly on the ear.

"That's not funny," Colt said, wiggling out of her grasp.

"Alright, then I'm gonna find somewhere to set up a bar."

Colt kissed Angel on the cheek and left the dining hall. To his surprise he found Alice standing next to Tony. They were talking to someone Colt didn't know. It was a large muscular woman wearing a black leather jacket, a white shirt, tight black jeans, and brown riding boots. A large army green bag was slung over the woman's shoulder, and the name "Jones" was printed on it.

Colt walked up to Alice, she was wearing boxer shorts and a black tshirt. "You and I need to talk about this mark you put on my neck," Colt said, pointing a finger at Alice.

She sighed and shrugged. "Sure," She said. "Tony, take Jones here to see Chains and then come right back."

"Yes, Ms. Morningstar," Tony said, bowing respectfully.

"Wait, your going to see Chains?" Colt asked.

"Yeah, I'm his one of his champions," Jones said, nodding.

Colt made sure that what he was going to ask was what he absolutely wanted. "Do you mind if come with you?"

Jones turned her head to the side, questionably. "Why?" She asked.

"I was summoned," Colt said, lying.

"Fine," Jones said, shrugging. "But you're a horrible liar. If that's your lie to get past Lord, he will most definitely kill you."

Jones turned around and started heading for the door. Then she stopped and looked back at Colt. "Unless-" She began, then stopped. "No, you would have to be luckier than the God of luck for that to happen. Lord's gonna kill you."

Jones walked out the door. "Fine with me," Alice said, shrugging. "You die, I get my sex life back."

"Lucky you," Colt said, walking up and out the door.

The flying limousine was already parked in front of the house and Tony was in the driver seat. Colt got into the back seat and they started to move. "So," Colt said, breaking the silence. "What's your task?"

Jones's body went ridged. "I have to kill a human baby. I've been here for over a hundred thousand years and I dont think I'm ever going to leave."

They didn't talk the whole ride there. Colt watched out the window as they flew for eight hours, over the ocean, and over passed the massive desert. Colt saw Father Philip's house as they flew over the desert. They passed a flock of Griffin flying over a ring of snowy mountains that formed a perfect circle around a snowy field with pine trees. "We're close," Jones said, as they started descending.

"You better not die," Angel said in Colt's head.

When they landed, Jones got out of the limo and Colt got out behind her. Tony started flying away after Colt shut the door. When she was gone, Jones started walking away. "Good luck," She said, waving.

Colt went to follow her but couldn't. Something small, fast, and extremely heavy hit him in the chest. Colt flew back and crashed into a tree. When he hit the floor, he found he couldn't move. He began to panic, his heart started to slam against his chest, and blood started to pour down his face. Colt blinked rapidly as a could of snow started to dissapear. Lord was standing where he had once stood, and he was livid. The veins in his face were bulging, his eyes were bloodshot red, and red markings were appearing all over his skin. "I warned you!" He screamed. "It's too bad for that Jones was on that limo, I was gonna shoot it out the sky!"

Lord tilted his head back and opened his mouth as wide as he could. He started to gag and the hilt of a weapon wormed it's way out of his throat. He reached up, grabbed the hilt, and pulled out a curved crystal dagger. "I'm gonna carve you into a thousand tiny pieces," he said, smiling.

"I was summoned!" Colt yelled, finding his voice. "Chains, summoned me!"

Lord froze for a second. The markings on his arms started to disappear. Lord seemed unsure. His eyes flickered from side to side. Lord started smiling again. "Bullshit," He said, a small laugh lifting his mood. "No way Chains would summon you. Not after what happened at that party."

The crunching of snow told Colt someone was walking towards them, but couldn't see who it was. Lord's smile vanished and he stood up straight. "He said he was summoned, Lord," An unknown man said in a bored voice.

"He's lying!" Lord yelled, shaking his the dagger at Colt.

Someone wearing all leather and a silver gauntlet stepped over Colt. The silver gauntlet emitted a dull silvery light and Colt swore he heard voices coming from it. "You kill him, and I kill you."

Lord got in the guy's face quicker than Colt could blink. "You wanna say that me again?" Lord said, his voice low and demanding.

The guy in leather let his arms fall to his side. "Touch him, and die."

A woman's face appeared in front of Colt's, blocking his view. She had large brown eyes, and a crooked smiled. "Did you say you were summoned?" She said in a high pitched voice.

The woman's left eye started twitching and Colt realized she was winking at him. "Yes, I was," Colt said.

The woman's head dissapeared. "Oh, Lord!" The woman sang in an enthusiastic voice.

The woman stepped over Colt and the guy wearing leather stepped aside. She wore ripped blue jeans with different pieces of fabric sewn into them, a teal shirt with a cat on it, and two different shoes. Lord's face went rigged. His lip started twitching, and he disappeared. The girl turned around, waved at Colt, and went skipping in a random direction.

The guy wearing leather turned around and smiled. "You got so lucky we were nearby."